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AITA for deciding not to tell my family that the surgery I'm getting will probably kill me?
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i'm getting a major surgery done in about three weeks and i was told there's a 60-80% chance it will kill me. it's 60% if i do all the things the surgeon told me to do to prepare for the surgery (take supplements, gain weight fast, lots of protein) and i'm following all the rules. so let's say my chances of dying are 60%. that's not great but not too horrible.
the thing is that i've had this exact surgery before and i came out just fine so my family has no reason to think this time will be any different (aside from the risk involved with any surgery). however for reasons involving my medical condition (tm), this time the surgery is riskier.
my family consists of my older brother (28m) who i (27m) live with and my mom (54f) who lives on the other side of the country. my brother is very protective of me and my mom still acts like i'm her little boy. the only reasons i could think of to tell them would be:
1. give them time to prepare for the possibility of my death. but i don't think this is something they can prepare for. i'm sure they'd just be miserable for the time leading up to the surgery. i don't want that.
2. give us all a chance to make happy memories before the surgery. again i don't think that can happen when we'd only be doing it because i might die soon. it would feel forced and desperate and they would only be pretending to not be miserable and i'd be unhappy because i would know they're miserable.
i'm leaning towards "ignorance is bliss" for everyone involved. if i survive, no harm done and all that potential misery would be for nothing. if i die, well that's a risk of any surgery and their final moments with me wouldn't have had that misery. and with my medical condition (tm) it's unlikely i'd make it to retirement age anyway.
but is it right for me to hide something this big, even if it's to spare them pain? what are your thoughts?
| 12,495
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bynopg/aita_for_deciding_not_to_tell_my_family_that_the/
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2019-06-09 18:59:09
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nah, but i hope you’re putting your affairs in order beforehand to make things easier for them if you do pass. otherwise they might interpret you not telling them as you not trusting them or something like that.
regardless, hope things go well for you, guy.
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nah - this is a personal decision and you have the right to not worry them with such a grim prognosis. you know your family best, and only you know what would be best for them.
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nah, but … i have a family member who was in a similar situation. while their brother, and the rest of the family, knew that they would die young, they never told them that there was a very high chance of them dying on a particular day. they died. it's been about 15 years now and he still struggles with not being able to say he loved them one last time.
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hey i'm not a doctor but i am a medical student and i've seen regrets in hospitals for a lot of patients. i say tell them,and let them know they're your support group, and you guys can enjoy moments leading up to the surgery. positive attitudes towards surgeries has been proven to better the chances.
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tough issue to gauge...let me just give you good thoughts to pull through.
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nah, this is a terrible spot to be in.
as a mom whose little boy is the light of her life, though, i’d want to be there to support my son. maybe there are complications from surgery and you need someone to pay your bills for you and feed your fish.
you don’t have to tell them everything, either; you can just tell them that you’re having surgery without the dire parts.
my mom had a risky surgery where she survived (for another couple years). i was initially mad she didn’t tell me how touch and go it was, but i got over it - it was her illness and her life. we did go out and make some memories before the operation. she also left us kids letters and laid out a basic will with her wishes.
the letters were treasured, and the will was very helpful. she also had an advanced medical directive, and i suggest you have one if you don’t already.
i can’t tell you what to do, but i’d at least write the letters. and if it were me, i’d let them know. you’re a good person for thinking of others at a time like this, and i hope you make it op.
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my grandmother knew she was dying, but she didn't tell anyone, not even my grandfather. we found out after she'd passed that she'd known for months.
at first, i was furious with her. how dare she take away my chance to say goodbye? i would go over conversations we'd had and pick apart all of the clues she'd dropped that something was wrong.
then, i was heartbroken for her. i was so sad she'd gone through that time carrying that burden alone. i felt guilty i hadn't been there for her more.
it's been 17 years now, and somewhere along the way i have come to understand that she was giving all of us, including herself, a gift. she was giving us that time with her to make real memories that weren't filled with grief, fear, or devastation. she was giving herself a life that wasn't full of grieving people smothering her with love. i am still sad that she carried that alone, but i am incredibly grateful for the gift she gave me.
if you don't make it, and i hope you do, they're going to have a painful storm of emotions either way, but hopefully eventually they'll come to understand and appreciate the decision you're making for them, and for yourself.
nah, and good luck.
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nah.... but please tell them. i have four children and i would be devastated to know i may have had a change for some additional time together to talk about things and wasn't given the chance.
please don't deny your mother and brother this. they will never be hurt that they knew.... only that they didn't. god. i want to call your mom right now so she can jump on a plane and spend every minute with you. not crying and feeling bad, not 'making memories', but having real moments and feelings.
i'm am sending warmest thoughts your way. best of luck with your surgery. may it be successful and your recovery be swift. please allow your mom to be there for you. xoxo
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this is a really hard one. i can understand your perspective, but if you were my family, i would really want to know.
writing letters is a great idea. can you also make an effort to do some family activities together? whatever is your family's thing--getting ice cream, going fishing, visiting your grandma--try to do that.
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well op i think i have to change my judgement on this one and say yta!! yta for one of the follow reasons:
1. you made it through the surgery and haven't come back to update us all, or you've forgotten your reddit logins! (i really hope this is the case, and i still keep checking the thread daily for some signs! all will be forgiven and you'll be nta again. were all still routing for you op!)
2. you didn't make it through and you failed on your promise to come and haunt everyone who comments!!!
3. you didn't make it through and you've left a big hole in this world. if this is the case i hope your family are doing well. we will all be thinking of them.
whatever the case op we hope you're doing ok. if you made it through, i hope you are fighting to get fit, if not i hope you are at peace now.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
YTA
| 0.267801
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm getting a major surgery done in about three weeks and i was told there's a 60-80% chance it will kill me. it's 60% if i do all the things the surgeon told me to do to prepare for the surgery (take supplements, gain weight fast, lots of protein) and i'm following all the rules. so let's say my chances of dying are 60%. that's not great but not too horrible. the thing is that i've had this exact surgery before and i came out just fine so my family has no reason to think this time will be any different (aside from the risk involved with any surgery). however for reasons involving my medical condition (tm), this time the surgery is riskier. my family consists of my older brother (28m) who i (27m) live with and my mom (54f) who lives on the other side of the country. my brother is very protective of me and my mom still acts like i'm her little boy. the only reasons i could think of to tell them would be: 1. give them time to prepare for the possibility of my death. but i don't think this is something they can prepare for. i'm sure they'd just be miserable for the time leading up to the surgery. i don't want that. 2. give us all a chance to make happy memories before the surgery. again i don't think that can happen when we'd only be doing it because i might die soon. it would feel forced and desperate and they would only be pretending to not be miserable and i'd be unhappy because i would know they're miserable. i'm leaning towards "ignorance is bliss" for everyone involved. if i survive, no harm done and all that potential misery would be for nothing. if i die, well that's a risk of any surgery and their final moments with me wouldn't have had that misery. and with my medical condition (tm) it's unlikely i'd make it to retirement age anyway. but is it right for me to hide something this big, even if it's to spare them pain? what are your thoughts?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm getting a major surgery done in about three weeks and i was told there's a 60-80% chance it will kill me. it's 60% if i do all the things the surgeon told me to do to prepare for the surgery (take supplements, gain weight fast, lots of protein) and i'm following all the rules. so let's say my chances of dying are 60%. that's not great but not too horrible. the thing is that i've had this exact surgery before and i came out just fine so my family has no reason to think this time will be any different (aside from the risk involved with any surgery). however for reasons involving my medical condition (tm), this time the surgery is riskier. my family consists of my older brother (28m) who i (27m) live with and my mom (54f) who lives on the other side of the country. my brother is very protective of me and my mom still acts like i'm her little boy. the only reasons i could think of to tell them would be: 1. give them time to prepare for the possibility of my death. but i don't think this is something they can prepare for. i'm sure they'd just be miserable for the time leading up to the surgery. i don't want that. 2. give us all a chance to make happy memories before the surgery. again i don't think that can happen when we'd only be doing it because i might die soon. it would feel forced and desperate and they would only be pretending to not be miserable and i'd be unhappy because i would know they're miserable. i'm leaning towards "ignorance is bliss" for everyone involved. if i survive, no harm done and all that potential misery would be for nothing. if i die, well that's a risk of any surgery and their final moments with me wouldn't have had that misery. and with my medical condition (tm) it's unlikely i'd make it to retirement age anyway. but is it right for me to hide something this big, even if it's to spare them pain? what are your thoughts? [/INST] nah, but i hope you’re putting your affairs in order beforehand to make things easier for them if you do pass. otherwise they might interpret you not telling them as you not trusting them or something like that. regardless, hope things go well for you, guy. </s>
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AITA for telling my in-laws my husband left me alone on our honeymoon?
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my husband left our honeymoon two days in because he needed to help fix an emergency. he insisted i stay because he didn’t want to ruin our honeymoon for me but him leaving like that did ruin it, even though he eventually came back.
my husband planned our entire honeymoon as a surprise and while he had arranged things for me to do while he was gone, i still had a lot of free time i needed to fill. i contacted my sister-in-law since i knew she’d been there before to ask for recommendations for things i could do in the area. she asked me if my husband had just left me alone there and i told her the truth. she told their parents and my mother-in-law contacted me to see if i was okay.
eventually he came back but he never mentioned his family saying anything to him until we flew home. he asked me why i had told his family he had left me alone on our honeymoon and seemed really upset with me for dragging them into our relationship. according to him, his parents had torn him a new one over it and told him the emergency could’ve waited.
aita?
| 3,647
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tu4k0p/aita_for_telling_my_inlaws_my_husband_left_me/
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2022-04-01 23:21:21
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info: what was the emergency?
either way, nta. if he’s not ashamed about his decision it shouldn’t be a problem for people to know about it.
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info: what kind of emergency would be serious enough that he has to leave your honeymoon but not warrant him even mentioning it to his family?
that would have me extremely suspicious in your shoes.
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the “emergency” quite honestly seems to be some sort of mistress he had to console now that he is actually married. his family’s response seems to suggest they suspect this as well.
i’m sorry… did i say that out loud?
nta, op, but ask to look at his credit card statements.
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nta. i’m sorry you were left alone on your honeymoon, but it’s nice to have in-laws who will stick up for you. if your husband truly had an emergency, why was his family upset with him? and emergencies can’t wait. it sounds like it wasn’t as urgent as your husband thought it was.
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nta - its your honey moon
\- if hes embarrassed about what he did he shouldn't have done it
\- you didnt go about telling them - your sister in law asked and you were honest
glad you have the inlaws backing you up here and standing up for you
what kind of emergency was this that was so important
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what possible reason could be have for leaving you on your honeymoon. he's an asshole. you're nta
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nta.
dragging family into something means you seek them out to tell them something. answering a direct question without actively lying to defend your spouse is not “involving family.”
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nta. if he’s embarrassed by it, he shouldn’t have done it. assuming it was work related, no reasonable employer would expect someone to leave their honeymoon over work. he needs boundaries with his employer.
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nta- i had an ex who would behave badly like this (left me no contact for three days after our wedding. he lived on base and i lived off. wouldn’t answer his phone or anything. i regretted the marriage two days after.) and then got mad at me when i wouldn’t lie to his family to cover his ass about his bad behavior. i never sought them out to “tattle” but when asked direct questions i never lied for him and he would come unglued over that.
for my ex he was later diagnosed with narcissist personality and was really good at manipulating most people but i never feel for his crap which made him try harder.
be careful with your new husband. it’s not enough info for a reddit diagnosis but narcissists tend to act badly then get mad when you tarnish their image of themselves or don’t support their narrative.
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nta. what emergency is there that needs him to leave his own honeymoon? his family seems to be alright so it's not one of them in an accident or the hospital or smth. if he could leave without a problem it should not matter that his family knows how bad of a husband he is already. i think he knows he's in the wrong but doesn't want to admit it so he tries to gaslight and guilt trip you.
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.016
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband left our honeymoon two days in because he needed to help fix an emergency. he insisted i stay because he didn’t want to ruin our honeymoon for me but him leaving like that did ruin it, even though he eventually came back. my husband planned our entire honeymoon as a surprise and while he had arranged things for me to do while he was gone, i still had a lot of free time i needed to fill. i contacted my sister-in-law since i knew she’d been there before to ask for recommendations for things i could do in the area. she asked me if my husband had just left me alone there and i told her the truth. she told their parents and my mother-in-law contacted me to see if i was okay. eventually he came back but he never mentioned his family saying anything to him until we flew home. he asked me why i had told his family he had left me alone on our honeymoon and seemed really upset with me for dragging them into our relationship. according to him, his parents had torn him a new one over it and told him the emergency could’ve waited. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband left our honeymoon two days in because he needed to help fix an emergency. he insisted i stay because he didn’t want to ruin our honeymoon for me but him leaving like that did ruin it, even though he eventually came back. my husband planned our entire honeymoon as a surprise and while he had arranged things for me to do while he was gone, i still had a lot of free time i needed to fill. i contacted my sister-in-law since i knew she’d been there before to ask for recommendations for things i could do in the area. she asked me if my husband had just left me alone there and i told her the truth. she told their parents and my mother-in-law contacted me to see if i was okay. eventually he came back but he never mentioned his family saying anything to him until we flew home. he asked me why i had told his family he had left me alone on our honeymoon and seemed really upset with me for dragging them into our relationship. according to him, his parents had torn him a new one over it and told him the emergency could’ve waited. aita? [/INST] info: what was the emergency? either way, nta. if he’s not ashamed about his decision it shouldn’t be a problem for people to know about it. </s>
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AITA for not giving my inheritance to any of my siblings
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my dad has passed away and i have gotten all of his inheritance.
my dad raised us in strict milltary style household he was a horrible father who take things to the extreme in our childhood and all of his children stopped talking to him. he treated us like we were his property and belittled us all the time, almost as if he hated our existence.
he actually disowned me when i was 15 because i gotten pregnant out of marriage with a man who was black and kicked me out to fend for myself, so i had to figure out how to provide for myself and my child.
my dad ended up contacting me a month after my mom passed away, crying and apologizing on how he treated me and my siblings and asked if we could meet up, i decided to meet up with my dad because even though my dad wasn't the greatest father it doesn't change my love for him. when we met up my dad seem very genuine so i continue seeing him which increased to me seeing 3 times a week. my dad also tried contacting my sibling but none of them give him the time of day, i spoke to my siblings about the issue and they basically told me to allow him to die a lonely death.
later on my dad got super sick and i ended up moving in with him with my 2 children to help take care of him. i learn things about about my dad that i never knew and i actually started to love being around him and see him as different person, i choosed to forgive him.
it was hard looking after my dad and my two children as a single mother but i pushed myself through it until his death. but during the hard times i asked my siblings for help and they both mocked me for even helping my dad, told me i should just throw time in an old aged home and even asked for me to take pictures of him so they could see him weak. my sibling and i relationship use to be super close but ever sense i started talking to my dad they became distant.
now that my dad has passed i have inherited everything from him and learned that my father owned alot more properties and had alot more money then i could have ever imagine.
my siblings feel like they are entitled to some of the inheritance and have told me if i don't give them any they'll stop talking to me and that i'm becoming like my dad. they feel like since they had to go through having my dad as a father that they deserve some kinda payout.
i disagree with them, the reason i got the inheritance is because i gave my dad another chance, i helped him when he was at his weakest and i went through alot juggling raising my children and caring for my dad without any of their help even when i begged them to help me they just made fun of me for helping my dad and choosing to forgive him.
now forgiveness is a choice and i respect their choice not to forgive but they didn't respect mine to forgive him and added more difficultly to my life. they act like it was ether them or my dad and now are acting like i'm being selfish for not sharing the inheritance my dad left for me
am i the asshole for not giving some of my inheritance to my brother and sister?
| 7,348
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vv387n/aita_for_not_giving_my_inheritance_to_any_of_my/
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2022-07-09 14:45:30
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nah but be prepared to lose your siblings over it. you made your choices. and tbh your dad was shitty right up until he died by leaving your siblings out of his will purely for spite. he knew he was a bad father and chose pettiness in the end.
you’ve chosen your inheritance over your siblings. you may feel justified but you aren’t in the right and neither was your dad. your bed is made and it’s time to lay in it.
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nah
i'm also the child of an extremely abusive parent. i have been in a similar incident (one survivor kept all of the inheritance). as the oldest, i actually bore the brunt of the abuse. i got nothing when my dad died.
i went through hell growing up, and in middle age am still coming to grips with some of the damage that was done to me. the selfish one who kept everything could be dying right in front of me, and i wouldn't bat an eye. i shielded them for decades, and then they fucked me.
i don't know if you're an asshole or not, the situation's too complicated for such a simplistic judgement. but i do know, you may be furthering the harm done to your siblings. i do know that you will be changing the way that your siblings see you for the rest of your life. they chose differently than you. they had that right. everyone must deal with their damage in the ways that they can. to suggest that people that were abused must continue to have a relationship with their abuser is absurd. you choosing to do so doesn't make you better or more worthy than your siblings. it just means you were at a point in your life where you were able to forgive your father. to suggest that your siblings deserve nothing because they are not able to do that yet is ridiculous.
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nta
>went through alot juggling raising my children and caring for my dad without any of their help even when i begged them to help me they just made fun of me for helping my dad and choosing to forgive him.
also,
>but during the hard times i asked my siblings for help and they both mocked me
it's the fact that they mocked you. it sounds like you all had a rough go of it as kids and i understand them not wanting contact with him. but here's the thing. you asked your siblings for help and instead of just saying no and reinforcing boundaries, they made fun of you. they didn't bother to be polite to you. that's not an okay way to treat someone.
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[deleted]
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nah overall but your dad sure was and honestly with him cutting the other siblings he abused for years just shows how much of an abusive asshole he was and still is. honestly i question how genuine he was.
just one more abusive, spiteful thing your dad did before he passed and if you choose to honor that decision, that's fine, legally it's your inheritance, but you'll have to live with the fallout of that decision.
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nah... i guess.
there's no reason for your siblings to have given him another chance. that's the thing with trauma and abuse. he sounds like he was a truly repugnant person in many people's lives and didn't care about it until he lost his wife, probably the only person left in his life willing to put up with his shit, and likely only due to generational beliefs. he came crawling back until he found a child willing to coddle him. you're certainly within your right to forgive and mend the relationship, but your siblings had no reason to respond positively to it.
i'd argue your dad wasn't much better leading up to his final days. he had all this money, but couldn't support is single mother child? and he screwed all his children over in the will except you, despite probably saying he wished they could forgive him. you can't tell me he didn't do that to spite them. legally, you don't owe them anything. morally, i think they deserve something for the lifetime of trauma they inherited, but that's your call to make.
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nah
but you’re wrong. your father didn’t give you that money because you gave him a second chance. your father gave you that money and properties ro punish your siblings for seeing him for who he was and not sweeping it under the rug for him.
they aren’t entitled to anything. it was your fathers shit to do with as he pleased. but if you think that because they didn’t want anything to do with their abuser they don’t deserve recognition you are just as wrong as your father was.
if they stop speaking to you over that’s their choice. but they would be wrong to punish you for your father. your father got exactly what he wanted in the end. to be the winner. and boy did he win. he abused you all your entire lives. somehow managed to get you back in his good graces. and still managed to be abusive in his own right, right down to the very end.
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i mean tbh i feel like they deserve at least a little for the abuse they went through. they aren't required to forgive their abuser
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nta. you should keep the inheritance. if the siblings don't talk to you, well, you asked for help and they rejected you, not just your father. in one way, i am with them. i would not forgive your father either. but, then, i wouldn't want any inheritance from him either.
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nah or esh
honestly, you were all treated appallingly and it looks like he got the last laugh by creating a divide between you.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| 0.030446
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad has passed away and i have gotten all of his inheritance. my dad raised us in strict milltary style household he was a horrible father who take things to the extreme in our childhood and all of his children stopped talking to him. he treated us like we were his property and belittled us all the time, almost as if he hated our existence. he actually disowned me when i was 15 because i gotten pregnant out of marriage with a man who was black and kicked me out to fend for myself, so i had to figure out how to provide for myself and my child. my dad ended up contacting me a month after my mom passed away, crying and apologizing on how he treated me and my siblings and asked if we could meet up, i decided to meet up with my dad because even though my dad wasn't the greatest father it doesn't change my love for him. when we met up my dad seem very genuine so i continue seeing him which increased to me seeing 3 times a week. my dad also tried contacting my sibling but none of them give him the time of day, i spoke to my siblings about the issue and they basically told me to allow him to die a lonely death. later on my dad got super sick and i ended up moving in with him with my 2 children to help take care of him. i learn things about about my dad that i never knew and i actually started to love being around him and see him as different person, i choosed to forgive him. it was hard looking after my dad and my two children as a single mother but i pushed myself through it until his death. but during the hard times i asked my siblings for help and they both mocked me for even helping my dad, told me i should just throw time in an old aged home and even asked for me to take pictures of him so they could see him weak. my sibling and i relationship use to be super close but ever sense i started talking to my dad they became distant. now that my dad has passed i have inherited everything from him and learned that my father owned alot more properties and had alot more money then i could have ever imagine. my siblings feel like they are entitled to some of the inheritance and have told me if i don't give them any they'll stop talking to me and that i'm becoming like my dad. they feel like since they had to go through having my dad as a father that they deserve some kinda payout. i disagree with them, the reason i got the inheritance is because i gave my dad another chance, i helped him when he was at his weakest and i went through alot juggling raising my children and caring for my dad without any of their help even when i begged them to help me they just made fun of me for helping my dad and choosing to forgive him. now forgiveness is a choice and i respect their choice not to forgive but they didn't respect mine to forgive him and added more difficultly to my life. they act like it was ether them or my dad and now are acting like i'm being selfish for not sharing the inheritance my dad left for me am i the asshole for not giving some of my inheritance to my brother and sister?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad has passed away and i have gotten all of his inheritance. my dad raised us in strict milltary style household he was a horrible father who take things to the extreme in our childhood and all of his children stopped talking to him. he treated us like we were his property and belittled us all the time, almost as if he hated our existence. he actually disowned me when i was 15 because i gotten pregnant out of marriage with a man who was black and kicked me out to fend for myself, so i had to figure out how to provide for myself and my child. my dad ended up contacting me a month after my mom passed away, crying and apologizing on how he treated me and my siblings and asked if we could meet up, i decided to meet up with my dad because even though my dad wasn't the greatest father it doesn't change my love for him. when we met up my dad seem very genuine so i continue seeing him which increased to me seeing 3 times a week. my dad also tried contacting my sibling but none of them give him the time of day, i spoke to my siblings about the issue and they basically told me to allow him to die a lonely death. later on my dad got super sick and i ended up moving in with him with my 2 children to help take care of him. i learn things about about my dad that i never knew and i actually started to love being around him and see him as different person, i choosed to forgive him. it was hard looking after my dad and my two children as a single mother but i pushed myself through it until his death. but during the hard times i asked my siblings for help and they both mocked me for even helping my dad, told me i should just throw time in an old aged home and even asked for me to take pictures of him so they could see him weak. my sibling and i relationship use to be super close but ever sense i started talking to my dad they became distant. now that my dad has passed i have inherited everything from him and learned that my father owned alot more properties and had alot more money then i could have ever imagine. my siblings feel like they are entitled to some of the inheritance and have told me if i don't give them any they'll stop talking to me and that i'm becoming like my dad. they feel like since they had to go through having my dad as a father that they deserve some kinda payout. i disagree with them, the reason i got the inheritance is because i gave my dad another chance, i helped him when he was at his weakest and i went through alot juggling raising my children and caring for my dad without any of their help even when i begged them to help me they just made fun of me for helping my dad and choosing to forgive him. now forgiveness is a choice and i respect their choice not to forgive but they didn't respect mine to forgive him and added more difficultly to my life. they act like it was ether them or my dad and now are acting like i'm being selfish for not sharing the inheritance my dad left for me am i the asshole for not giving some of my inheritance to my brother and sister? [/INST] nah but be prepared to lose your siblings over it. you made your choices. and tbh your dad was shitty right up until he died by leaving your siblings out of his will purely for spite. he knew he was a bad father and chose pettiness in the end. you’ve chosen your inheritance over your siblings. you may feel justified but you aren’t in the right and neither was your dad. your bed is made and it’s time to lay in it. </s>
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AITA for not packing my husband's bags so he could go spend Xmas with his family without me?
|
i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived.
this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended.
yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel.
he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita?
| 24,556
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rmtv59/aita_for_not_packing_my_husbands_bags_so_he_could/
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2021-12-23 11:38:26
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nta - change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what i would do if my wife did what your husband did
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nta. so let me get this straight, he is a grown up man who threw a tantrum because he had to do something himself. he is so in the wrong.
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nta and why are you with this guy again? he wants to spend christmas with his family, but you're his family now. he doesn't defend you when his mother makes rediculous demands and he should have. and he expects you to pack his bags like a good little housewife/ maid. it doesn't sound like he respects you, or you are even a priority to him.
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pack your bags and be gone when he comes back. he is a tool. nta.
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yta. staying married to this man when he clearly should be married to your mother-in-law is just an asshole move. apologize when he gets back, get divorced and let those two lovebirds get on with their lives.
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honey, here is what you do. pack up the rest of his belongings. everything! your friend regina can help. tomorrow you call and wish him merry christmas and while he is there tell him you need to look for somewhere to live. your stuff is packed and you are not coming back here. get a storage locker and put all of his stuff there. today you call a lawyer and file for divorce. your marriage is over and you have a life of hell if you even consider staying with this guy. get moving and start packing. you have plenty of time.
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nta if i'm understanding things here correctly, your spouse was expecting you to pack his bags for a vacation you weren't invited to. as well as he just expected you to pack his stuff for him for some reason? why is he being so irresponsible and dependent? he's not a child who's going out on their very first vacation, he's supposed to be an adult.
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the "kapeesh" alone (in that situation) would've initiated my fight or flight mode. he sounds like a real prize asshole, along with the rest of his family. nta and from my experience, around year 4 is when some partners tend to show their true colors. please do not put up with being treated like this, you deserve better. they did you a favor by not inviting you.
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sounds like it's time to pack your own bag while he's out of town.
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you are nta but you are in a rubbish marriage, get out now. no decent spouse would leave their partner behind after they were not invited. please take this alone time to re think things, this is not a nice relationship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived. this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended. yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel. he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived. this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended. yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel. he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita? [/INST] nta - change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what i would do if my wife did what your husband did </s>
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AITA for hiring a private investigator to check into our nanny?
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we have a nanny (late 20s) who comes to watch our 3 year old and 1 year old when our work schedules overlap or we have to go out together for whatever reason. she’s watching the kids between 10-20 hours a week.
recently i came back and it was time to pay her, but she was in the middle of bathing the kids so said “can you just put it in my purse?” i said no problem.
i went downstairs and found her purse but it was a little cluttered so i put it in her wallet in her purse so it would be easy to find and count.
when i opened her wallet to put it inside, i couldn’t help but see her id in the transparent front pocket, and it had her photo but her name was completely different from the one she had given us and we’d background checked when we had hired her.
she’s been great, so i didn’t want to just fire her, but this meant she was either using a fake name with us or carrying a fake id, so we had to see if she was trying to hide something relevant. she’s someone who spends prolonged time alone with our kids. and as great as she seems to us, our kids can’t really talk yet. so we can only know so much.
my wife and i discussed it and decided to hire a private investigator to check into her, because whatever story she gave us if we confronted her, we’d then take steps to verify it anyways. so it was best not to give her the opportunity to hide anything or backtrack.
the pi discovered she had the id to circumvent a bureaucratic rule about student living arrangements for the graduate school at her university (something like she wanted to stay on the undergraduate campus when she became a graduate student so used an undergrad friend’s name on her id to register for housing.) not a big deal.
then, unfortunately, unbeknownst to us our 3yo overheard us talking about it and said something that tipped her off to the whole thing. we explained that we had become aware, looked into it, but it was all fine now.
she was *very* upset, said it was none of our business why she would have two ids, and it was a violation of her privacy to look into her life instead of just asking her. now she’s even considering quitting.
we feel awful, but are also weighing that with how awful we’d feel if we didn’t do due diligence and there was something serious to it. we’re conflicted now, because she has always been wonderful. aita for hiring the private investigator?
| 2,390
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hq8ajw/aita_for_hiring_a_private_investigator_to_check/
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2020-07-13 03:52:36
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nah.
she watches your kids, you have the right to know what her deal is. also, someone's gotta employ the private investigators, amrite?
but, on the other hand, she has every right to be upset and feel like you invaded her privacy, because...you literally did. you literally hired someone to invade her privacy.
try giving her a raise to get her to stay, maybe? or let her go and hire a pi for the next nanny from the jump.
|
yta
i’m probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but here goes nothing.
you 100% violated her privacy. she said “put the money in my purse” not “ look through my bag and personal belongings and snoop around in my wallet.”
the two reasonable options upon your discovery of her id are:
1)fire her because you don’t trust her and you feel she lied about her identity
or
2) sit her down like an adult, admit that you shouldn’t have been snooping in her purse (obviously you should apologize for this) and ask her what the deal is with her second id card. when she explained her reasoning you can say “would you be willing to allow me to look in to this? i’d like to make sure my kids are safe.” or you can not believe her and go back to option 1.
what you did instead was go behind her back, proving you don’t trust her, but secretly hoping you were wrong so you could keep her as an employee without her ever knowing that you also breached her trust.
the employee/employer relationship is a two way street dude, yes, you need to be able to trust her, but she also needs to be able to trust y’all.
if i were her, i’d quit too.
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nah — you’re good for wanting to double check who’s around your child.
she’s not wrong for feeling uncomfortable that you guys did that.
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definitely the asshole. besides the fact you went through her purse, if you asked her and didnt trust her answer than you can easily let her go. total invasion of privacy and i wouldn't blame her for quitting. i understand your childs safety is a concern, but you have the option of not letting her be around your children...and honestly if you were so concerned, all the time spent investigating, did you leave her with your children?
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yta. in what universe is “put this in my purse” an excuse to dig through someone’s wallet? if someone asks you to put something in their room do you start looking through their underwear drawer too?
i understand you just trying to protect your kids by making sure she wasn’t doing anything terrible but i don’t like how people aren’t addressing the fact that you went through her wallet like some kind of freak instead of just stuffing the money in a pocket like a normal person.
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yta. and you started being one the second you chose to dig through her purse instead of just placing the money on the top.
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yta - what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that she never lied about herself or her name to you. she only had a friend's id for housing purposes.
that really was a violation of her privacy and you should have just asked her about the id when you saw it.
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nta. in fact, hiring a pi to find out what was going on was more generous than i would've been. in my house, she would've been out the door the minute i saw the fake id.
because i don't care what she's doing. i know it's something dishonest. i don't need dishonest people around my kids.
...all i've got to say about everyone saying "oh, it was just a housing scam!"
yeah, it was a scam she was pulling to get herself something she wasn't supposed to have.
|
hmmm. why did you open the wallet to put it in the purse? feels like you built up a lot to try and justify this not-so-innocent invasion of privacy.
then you try to justify some of this with the fact that your kids can’t really talk, and then later blame your 3yo for blowing your cover by... talking? that also feels inconsistent.
to your specific question, are you the asshole for hiring the private investigator? no. nta.
for everything leading up to it, including failing to do a _thorough_ background check, blatantly opening someone’s personal stuff, citing false facts to justify actions, then blaming your child for something that refutes one of your earlier justifications, and (unless you have an overwhelmingly good explanation for this, such as i’m an idiot and my reading comprehension is garbage, which very well could be true) lying to us about this to paint yourself in a favorable (ish) light, definitely yta.
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nta. you honestly cannot be too careful about who you leave with your children, and an id with a different name is suspicious enough that it *had* to be done.
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NAH
|
YTA
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NAH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.912871
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we have a nanny (late 20s) who comes to watch our 3 year old and 1 year old when our work schedules overlap or we have to go out together for whatever reason. she’s watching the kids between 10-20 hours a week. recently i came back and it was time to pay her, but she was in the middle of bathing the kids so said “can you just put it in my purse?” i said no problem. i went downstairs and found her purse but it was a little cluttered so i put it in her wallet in her purse so it would be easy to find and count. when i opened her wallet to put it inside, i couldn’t help but see her id in the transparent front pocket, and it had her photo but her name was completely different from the one she had given us and we’d background checked when we had hired her. she’s been great, so i didn’t want to just fire her, but this meant she was either using a fake name with us or carrying a fake id, so we had to see if she was trying to hide something relevant. she’s someone who spends prolonged time alone with our kids. and as great as she seems to us, our kids can’t really talk yet. so we can only know so much. my wife and i discussed it and decided to hire a private investigator to check into her, because whatever story she gave us if we confronted her, we’d then take steps to verify it anyways. so it was best not to give her the opportunity to hide anything or backtrack. the pi discovered she had the id to circumvent a bureaucratic rule about student living arrangements for the graduate school at her university (something like she wanted to stay on the undergraduate campus when she became a graduate student so used an undergrad friend’s name on her id to register for housing.) not a big deal. then, unfortunately, unbeknownst to us our 3yo overheard us talking about it and said something that tipped her off to the whole thing. we explained that we had become aware, looked into it, but it was all fine now. she was *very* upset, said it was none of our business why she would have two ids, and it was a violation of her privacy to look into her life instead of just asking her. now she’s even considering quitting. we feel awful, but are also weighing that with how awful we’d feel if we didn’t do due diligence and there was something serious to it. we’re conflicted now, because she has always been wonderful. aita for hiring the private investigator?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we have a nanny (late 20s) who comes to watch our 3 year old and 1 year old when our work schedules overlap or we have to go out together for whatever reason. she’s watching the kids between 10-20 hours a week. recently i came back and it was time to pay her, but she was in the middle of bathing the kids so said “can you just put it in my purse?” i said no problem. i went downstairs and found her purse but it was a little cluttered so i put it in her wallet in her purse so it would be easy to find and count. when i opened her wallet to put it inside, i couldn’t help but see her id in the transparent front pocket, and it had her photo but her name was completely different from the one she had given us and we’d background checked when we had hired her. she’s been great, so i didn’t want to just fire her, but this meant she was either using a fake name with us or carrying a fake id, so we had to see if she was trying to hide something relevant. she’s someone who spends prolonged time alone with our kids. and as great as she seems to us, our kids can’t really talk yet. so we can only know so much. my wife and i discussed it and decided to hire a private investigator to check into her, because whatever story she gave us if we confronted her, we’d then take steps to verify it anyways. so it was best not to give her the opportunity to hide anything or backtrack. the pi discovered she had the id to circumvent a bureaucratic rule about student living arrangements for the graduate school at her university (something like she wanted to stay on the undergraduate campus when she became a graduate student so used an undergrad friend’s name on her id to register for housing.) not a big deal. then, unfortunately, unbeknownst to us our 3yo overheard us talking about it and said something that tipped her off to the whole thing. we explained that we had become aware, looked into it, but it was all fine now. she was *very* upset, said it was none of our business why she would have two ids, and it was a violation of her privacy to look into her life instead of just asking her. now she’s even considering quitting. we feel awful, but are also weighing that with how awful we’d feel if we didn’t do due diligence and there was something serious to it. we’re conflicted now, because she has always been wonderful. aita for hiring the private investigator? [/INST] nah. she watches your kids, you have the right to know what her deal is. also, someone's gotta employ the private investigators, amrite? but, on the other hand, she has every right to be upset and feel like you invaded her privacy, because...you literally did. you literally hired someone to invade her privacy. try giving her a raise to get her to stay, maybe? or let her go and hire a pi for the next nanny from the jump. </s>
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WIBTA if my spouse and I had just appetizers for our wedding guests but a full roast chicken for ourselves at the wedding?
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we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts?
| 15,822
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vraao6/wibta_if_my_spouse_and_i_had_just_appetizers_for/
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2022-07-04 15:44:39
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yta. if you're hungry don't eat publicly when your guest have no food. also if you're broke, go small
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man have a taco bar or something, it’s rude not to feed your guests when they take the time and trouble(and bring you gifts) to celebrate “your wedding”.
etiquette 101: be a good host
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have fewer guests if you can’t afford to feed them
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lmao, this is like the post where the couple rented "official mini and micky mouse" and didn't feed there guests and she wondered why everyone had a shit time, of course yta feed your guests
|
yta. that would be so rude. plan a meal for the two if you for after the ceremony in you honeymoon room as compromise. but i would be so offended as a guest to show up to that. it screams gift grab
|
order pizza (edit for all) that is classier than what your wife suggests and people will feel full. do not eat a full meal in front of your guests while they have finger foods/snacks. that is beyond tacky and instead of looking frugal, you look cheap and miserly.
|
yta.
you eat the same as your guests.
finger foods for all? fine.
full sit down feast for all? fine.
hosts eat full meal and guests get buffet? nope.
absolutely not.
decide what you can/want to afford **for everyone**.
|
yta lmaooooooooo
this post is giving me reminders of that one op who held a wedding and put no food out at all because she spent the food budget on disney characters coming to say hi to her lmaoooooooo
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of course yta if you do this lol.. what a slap in the face to your guests
your reception is for your guest actually.. it’s a thank you to them for coming to your ceremony and celebrating your marriage
|
ywbta’s
that’s incredibly rude. she can shout out “it’s my day” until the end of time but it doesn’t change the fact that doing that would be awful.
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we're trying to save money where possible for the wedding ceremony and are using publix for the catering. my wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. she wants just her and i to also have a roast chicken at the table (i think some sides to). i think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. us tearing apart a full bird while they munch on tenders. conversely i'd be perfectly fine with just the appetizers for everyone, us included. the costs for every table to get a roast chicken would put us at like $30 a plate according to her and that's not saving money. with every decision we make she justifies them by going "it's our wedding! it's ours, not anybody else's!". she didn't want to have a wide variety of options to cater to others either. she only wanted stuff she'd like. i think we'd be total assholes to go through with her idea. thoughts? [/INST] yta. if you're hungry don't eat publicly when your guest have no food. also if you're broke, go small </s>
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WIBTA if I stopped seeing someone because they wont tell me the name of their religion?
|
everything was chill, the conversation was easy and fun, i was excited for date two.
on date 2 they mentioned a "spiritual community" so i asked about it. they gave me a whole spiel about camping, praying in nature, retreats that demand you be sober, that a lot of 12 step members are involved... i was expecting something pagan, wiccan, celtic revival... whatever, i'm open minded.
but they didn't say the name of the group. so i asked if the religion had a name and they said, "yes, but i dont want to disclose that right now."
that's definitely means they're in a cult, right? that's creepy as hell? wibta if i ended it over that?
| 3,431
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bfl6db/wibta_if_i_stopped_seeing_someone_because_they/
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2019-04-21 04:29:46
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nah - culty culty cult cult run.
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nta, but don't run so fast - you could be missing out on a really awesome cult initiation ceremony. black candles, robes, a goat, ceremonial anthame dagger, maybe some naked people dancing. come on - you don't get to see that kind of crazy shit every day, am i right?
|
nta. call your dad.
|
nta but they also might be in a 12 step program and not feel comfortable disclosing it so early
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if i'm happy to tell people on the first date and i'm a satanist, what the fuck could this person be hiding
|
nta ..it’s amway
|
nah. it could be that their religion is a deeply personal thing for them. or it could be a cult.
if it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker. move on.
|
#run
|
nta - run.
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it’s herbalife, run!
|
NAH
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.00461
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: everything was chill, the conversation was easy and fun, i was excited for date two. on date 2 they mentioned a "spiritual community" so i asked about it. they gave me a whole spiel about camping, praying in nature, retreats that demand you be sober, that a lot of 12 step members are involved... i was expecting something pagan, wiccan, celtic revival... whatever, i'm open minded. but they didn't say the name of the group. so i asked if the religion had a name and they said, "yes, but i dont want to disclose that right now." that's definitely means they're in a cult, right? that's creepy as hell? wibta if i ended it over that?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
everything was chill, the conversation was easy and fun, i was excited for date two. on date 2 they mentioned a "spiritual community" so i asked about it. they gave me a whole spiel about camping, praying in nature, retreats that demand you be sober, that a lot of 12 step members are involved... i was expecting something pagan, wiccan, celtic revival... whatever, i'm open minded. but they didn't say the name of the group. so i asked if the religion had a name and they said, "yes, but i dont want to disclose that right now." that's definitely means they're in a cult, right? that's creepy as hell? wibta if i ended it over that? [/INST] nah - culty culty cult cult run. </s>
|
AITA for kicking my inlaws out after they said they'll call the Police on me for how I'm treating their son?
|
i f33 have never been on good terms with my in laws but we tolerate each others and are civil.
my husband's m30 sick right now. he was involved in an accident 2 months ago it was bad and we almost lost him. he's still bedridden and is very restless because of his medication he'd end up falling out of the bed several times resulting in more injuries. i had to lift him off the floor by myself every time which i could no longer do because of my own health and my un baby's health (i'm 6 months pregnant) and my inlaws don't help at all.
i ended up getting him a floor matress that he sleeps on currently and it's so much better. however, when my inlaws (mil, fil, sil1, sil2 and kids, bil1 and bil2 and wife and kids and also my husband's grandparents and aunts) visited which what they do often. they don't help with anything and even bring their own food to eat without me now after calling a terrible host just because i refused to cook for them while also expecting me clean up after them. they saw my husband sleeping on the floor mattres and they lost it on me saying their son should be sleeping on his bed not on the floor and accused me of neglecting his health and purposely making it worse even after i explained my reasons for getting a matress. they demanded i return him to the original bed or they'll call the police on me for my mistreatment of their vulnerable and helpless son. i had an argument with them about their lack of support and told them from now on they can't and will not be allowed to visit anymore after they basically said they'd call the police on me and had them leave immediately. they mass blasted me online and on social media calling me out for (1 abusing their son and backed it with pictures my sil2's daughter took of my husband sleeping on the floor matress without asking first. and (2 banning them from visiting to see and check on their sick son constantly expressing how concerened they are for him. that sparked more rage and involvement from distant family members urging me to stop what i'm doing cause it's wrong and outrageous. i tried to tell my side of the events but was told they can't consider the entire family liars since they all witnessed the same thing and that is blatant neglect. i'm now required to apologize and let my inlaws back into the house but i just can't take it anymore with how criticizing and demanding they are. aita?
| 3,122
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rjw6b4/aita_for_kicking_my_inlaws_out_after_they_said/
|
2021-12-19 12:53:03
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info: what's your husband's opinion on all this? it would be pretty easy for him to set the record straight, no?
|
nta. that said, it might have been a better strategy to call their bluff and get someone to ring the police. that wouldnt have ended well for them.
it sounds like you are being harrassed for doing the right thing by your husband. wish i had some advice to give you. they suck.
anyway, good luck!
|
nta but is your husband nonverbal? can he voice how he feels he is being treated right now or how he feels about his family being around? i'm sorry things escalated like this for you. caring for someone is very difficult and you don't need to be taking care of his family on top of all that.
|
info. i certainly don't think youre the asshole for not wanting to feed and clean up after your in laws while you're six months pregnant and caring for a husband who recently suffered a bad accident. i want to say that i dont think you're the asshole for wanting to prevent your husband from falling out of bed either, but your husband's opinion is absent from your post. is he able to express his feelings and/ or lucid enough to comment on the situation? are there any adverse effects he is experiencing from being on the floor mattress besides the shame of not using a bed frame?
|
op - is it possible to get some outside help from social services?
if you don’t mind answering, which country are you in? people maybe able to give you some resources if they know were you are in the world.
good luck.
|
nta
however, don't respond to online posts/comments.
get your husband involved.
call a lawyer in case they try to sue you.
ask a health professional to offer suggestions. being pregnant is not a disability but sure it does put your body under stress, and lifting heavy or running around doing errands surely is not the medical advise for a 6 months pregnant woman.
lastly, do let them visit individually to avoid them suggesting you are prohibiting them from seeing their unwell family member, i think in some countries this is an actual crime.
you got nothing to fear and if the police come and you have already had a lawyer consultation they will be able to tell you what to say to ensure the truth is not bended and used against you.
|
what does your husband say during all of this? can't he explain to them that he kept rolling out of bed?
also what is he doing to fall out of bed? does he sleep walk or something? i have never seen an adult fall out of bed.
|
nta. they don't help you but expect a 6 mo pregnant wife to cater to them. does your husband complain about the floor bed? do your in laws know that he has fallen out of your bed on multiple occasions?
|
nta.
i’d thank them for volunteering to devote all their time to taking care of their son including lifting him in and out of bed. see how fast people stop.
no more visits and block them on all media and phone calls. if they do call the police for a home visit, let them in and explain you physically can not pick him up. if your house is clean and your husband shows no signs of neglect, they’ll leave you alone. i assume your husband can’t speak for himself due to his injuries as you don’t say what he thinks of all this. the only other option would be to see if insurance would cover a hospital bed with railing.
|
who the hell required you to apologize and let them back in your house? no! you don't let anyone order you to let them in your house! these people aren't helping then no. i would not trust them. why are you not having home health care or assistance with him? you can hurt yourself. whatever you do these people don't come back in your home until your husband is well enough to get up and around. i would not trust them.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.036878
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f33 have never been on good terms with my in laws but we tolerate each others and are civil. my husband's m30 sick right now. he was involved in an accident 2 months ago it was bad and we almost lost him. he's still bedridden and is very restless because of his medication he'd end up falling out of the bed several times resulting in more injuries. i had to lift him off the floor by myself every time which i could no longer do because of my own health and my un baby's health (i'm 6 months pregnant) and my inlaws don't help at all. i ended up getting him a floor matress that he sleeps on currently and it's so much better. however, when my inlaws (mil, fil, sil1, sil2 and kids, bil1 and bil2 and wife and kids and also my husband's grandparents and aunts) visited which what they do often. they don't help with anything and even bring their own food to eat without me now after calling a terrible host just because i refused to cook for them while also expecting me clean up after them. they saw my husband sleeping on the floor mattres and they lost it on me saying their son should be sleeping on his bed not on the floor and accused me of neglecting his health and purposely making it worse even after i explained my reasons for getting a matress. they demanded i return him to the original bed or they'll call the police on me for my mistreatment of their vulnerable and helpless son. i had an argument with them about their lack of support and told them from now on they can't and will not be allowed to visit anymore after they basically said they'd call the police on me and had them leave immediately. they mass blasted me online and on social media calling me out for (1 abusing their son and backed it with pictures my sil2's daughter took of my husband sleeping on the floor matress without asking first. and (2 banning them from visiting to see and check on their sick son constantly expressing how concerened they are for him. that sparked more rage and involvement from distant family members urging me to stop what i'm doing cause it's wrong and outrageous. i tried to tell my side of the events but was told they can't consider the entire family liars since they all witnessed the same thing and that is blatant neglect. i'm now required to apologize and let my inlaws back into the house but i just can't take it anymore with how criticizing and demanding they are. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f33 have never been on good terms with my in laws but we tolerate each others and are civil. my husband's m30 sick right now. he was involved in an accident 2 months ago it was bad and we almost lost him. he's still bedridden and is very restless because of his medication he'd end up falling out of the bed several times resulting in more injuries. i had to lift him off the floor by myself every time which i could no longer do because of my own health and my un baby's health (i'm 6 months pregnant) and my inlaws don't help at all. i ended up getting him a floor matress that he sleeps on currently and it's so much better. however, when my inlaws (mil, fil, sil1, sil2 and kids, bil1 and bil2 and wife and kids and also my husband's grandparents and aunts) visited which what they do often. they don't help with anything and even bring their own food to eat without me now after calling a terrible host just because i refused to cook for them while also expecting me clean up after them. they saw my husband sleeping on the floor mattres and they lost it on me saying their son should be sleeping on his bed not on the floor and accused me of neglecting his health and purposely making it worse even after i explained my reasons for getting a matress. they demanded i return him to the original bed or they'll call the police on me for my mistreatment of their vulnerable and helpless son. i had an argument with them about their lack of support and told them from now on they can't and will not be allowed to visit anymore after they basically said they'd call the police on me and had them leave immediately. they mass blasted me online and on social media calling me out for (1 abusing their son and backed it with pictures my sil2's daughter took of my husband sleeping on the floor matress without asking first. and (2 banning them from visiting to see and check on their sick son constantly expressing how concerened they are for him. that sparked more rage and involvement from distant family members urging me to stop what i'm doing cause it's wrong and outrageous. i tried to tell my side of the events but was told they can't consider the entire family liars since they all witnessed the same thing and that is blatant neglect. i'm now required to apologize and let my inlaws back into the house but i just can't take it anymore with how criticizing and demanding they are. aita? [/INST] info: what's your husband's opinion on all this? it would be pretty easy for him to set the record straight, no? </s>
|
WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.
|
so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly.
for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home.
i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet.
kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast.
would i be the asshole if i do this?
| 24,033
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blich3/wibta_if_i_quit_my_job_sell_my_share_in_company/
|
2019-05-06 22:01:49
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nta but you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children.
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nta: go for it, if you have to pay your ex wife a share of your 50% then she can use that to pay for/towards their education
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[removed]
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“hey reddit, wibta if i cut off my vulnerable family and left them to be a ski patroller?”
|
info: do you have any sympathy for your children who were raised by an abusive mother, seem to still be living with her, and therefore, might have issues of their own preventing them from being emotionally mature? because it seems like you don't give a fuck about them at all, really.
|
nta. you already provided a way to pay for school for them, you tried to warn them that their mother should be taken off, they didn’t listen. they are adults now. it’s not your responsibility to come up with the money for college (again). loans exist. tuition management system (tms) exists for most of the us and it’s a months payment, a semester at a time, no loans, no interests. granted that means working while in school, but its doable. you tried, you did your duty as a parent, it’s up to them now.
|
esh
i can certainly see why op is bitter, but i think completely abandoning his kids like this is over the line. he says he suffered from his wife's bpd. what effect does he think she had on his kids?
at a minimum, he can talk with an attorney to arrange it so that wife's share of the business is used to reimburse his kids for the money that wife stole. he's the one that put ex in charge of brokerage accounts so she could access them. he could have warned the brokerage to prevent abuse of funds.
18 and 20 year olds are nowhere near savvy enough to protect themselves in this legal situation, and telling them to go after their mother puts them in a terrible emotional and legal position. they lack any funds to hire an attorney to protect their interests. they are also in the middle of a nasty divorce between their parents.
exhibit at least a little concern for your kids and help them manage difficult legal problems and an emotional nightmare before leaving for greener pastures.
|
yta. you chose a shitty abusive partner, not your kids. they have had to put up with your bad choice for their whole life and now that your legal obligation is done you are playing a game to make yourself not feel responsible. as a father you should fight for your children on their behalf. if you are telling your kids to sue their mom, that should be your first clue. you know, most people don't want to sue their own mother, even if she is an abusive liar. also bear in mind that years of maltreatment at the hands of an abusive bpd mom have likely caused them to think in totally fucked up ways. you're in the clear, legally speaking, though.
|
nta but you need to know that this will not be a repairable thing with your kids. if you dip you are done. really think about this decision. your kids are adults, but they are still very young. do you want to help them grow and make something of themselves or do you want to cut all ties. they are your children and you have fulfilled your legal obligation to provide for them. now you need to assess if you have a moral obligation to help them as they become adults. divorce is not easy on kids, no matter the age. they may have done dumb things, but i bet you after what happened with their mother they'd be more receptive to your advice.
|
i’m gonna go against the grain and say yta. your children were raised in an abusive household (mom) with a father who seems to have checked out of their lives and the situation a long time ago. how can you expect them to just have grown up to be well adjusted and responsible adults without proper role models? yes some people beat the odds and become phenomenal adults, but why even put them in that position in the first place? i understand trying to protect yourself, i also get that at least the 22 y/o should try to do better, but it comes off like neither of you actually tried to parent them. understand that if you do make this decision, your relationship with your kids may effectively be over, although i don’t really get the impression it matters.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.570221
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly. for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast. would i be the asshole if i do this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly. for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast. would i be the asshole if i do this? [/INST] nta but you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children. </s>
|
AITA for correcting my wife when she lied to her friend group about our daughter's birth?
|
3 months ago my wife and i had our baby. as they often our, her delivery got a little messy. from the day we found out she was pregnant, she decided she wanted to do a natural birth. she told me she wanted a vaginal birth, no epidural, no sedatives, no pain meds, she wanted to bring our baby into the world feeling everything. i of course really worried about this as, from what i've heard childbirth can be painful. i was especially worried about if she needed an episiotomy and was not sedated during it. she however assured me she could handle it. so 9 months go by and she's ready to pop.
when we get to the hospital i do my best to advocate for her and make sure her wants were heard. however, we got right up to the wire before my wife said she needed an epidural. they took care of that and when she's pushing our daughter's giant head won't fit through my wife's vagina. so she gets an emergency episiotomy and brings our daughter into the world. now three months later we're allowing non-family to meet our daughter. my wife invited over her girlfriends and since they are officially all moms, they started talking about their birth stories. i heard some horrific things, and then we got to my wife.
all she said was that she had an easy birth, no sedatives, no surgeries, just a few hours of pushing and done. the lie was confusing to me, i was trying to think of why she'd say this. i ask her if she's sure about that because i don't remember it happening that way. she tells me that she's the one that shot a person out of her. i suggest that maybe the pain and baby hormones are scrambling about how that happened. i tell the real story and say that she got an epidural and episiotomy. this led to the other ladies making jokes and giggling about my wife's mistelling. there were many jokes at her expense despite her not even having the worst birth story. for the rest of the visit, i could tell there was something brewing behind her eyes.
when they left, my wife said i embarrassed her. she said that there was no reason for me to tell them what happened. i said there was no reason to lie. she completely disagreed and said that i won't get it.
aita?
| 2,890
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v5tgnw/aita_for_correcting_my_wife_when_she_lied_to_her/
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2022-06-06 03:15:38
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esh - you probably should not have outed her like that.
she's an ah for lying though, and possibly doing some more damage / unintended damage by glossing over the need for medical escalation and continuing a false narrative of the "perfect natural" birth that other women might try to emulate and thus make poor decisions.
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yta. i couldn’t even read past “carrying my offspring “.
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yta big time. i don’t know why she lied but why would you call her out in front of everyone? that’s brutal. you could have easily had a private conversation later. i’m also confused about your wording… “my offspring” sounds possessive and diminishes the fact that you were both equally involved in bringing this baby into the world. yta big time.
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i think it's poor form to do that to her at first meeting of baby with her friends and still postpartum. agree with you, she shouldn't lie but you should have talked to her when they left. and asked her why she said that.
there could be a valid reason she didn't want to share that and by saying oh it was easy peasy, it moved conversation forward without her having to share something painful or embarrassing.
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esh. well, you and your wife. her for lying. you for calling her out in public. unless she’s being nasty or hurtful to others, it’s usually best to talk about things with your partner in private instead of trying to call them out
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yta. there’s clearly a reason your wife didn’t want to tell her friends the truth and instead of asking her about it with compassion and curiosity, you just called her a liar and told the real story in front of a whole crowd of people, who proceeded to mock her for it. gee, i wonder why she didn’t want to say that in the first place?!
it’s not your place to publicly talk about your wife’s body without being sure she is okay with sharing those details. you owe her a huge apology.
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esh - you are a bit jerky for throwing her under the bus and she is silly for lying. what does she want? a medal?
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nta if your wife didn’t want to be corrected on a lie then she shouldn’t have told one. i truly don’t even understand why she would even lie? was she trying to make herself seem better than all her friends? because that’s a ridiculous thing to do.
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nta. your wife didn’t say she didn’t want to talk about it or that she didn’t feel comfortable discussing her experience, she wanted to brag about she did everything all natural and had a super easy birth when that wasn’t true. you can’t lie about something like that and then be upset you get called out. she chose to lie. you aren’t an asshole for not wanting to go along with her pointless lie so that she could act superior to her friends instead of just telling the truth. she embarrassed herself.
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nta your wife was trying to live out some weird perfect birth fantasy to make herself look good. you gave her a reality check that she absolutely deserved.
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.590164
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 3 months ago my wife and i had our baby. as they often our, her delivery got a little messy. from the day we found out she was pregnant, she decided she wanted to do a natural birth. she told me she wanted a vaginal birth, no epidural, no sedatives, no pain meds, she wanted to bring our baby into the world feeling everything. i of course really worried about this as, from what i've heard childbirth can be painful. i was especially worried about if she needed an episiotomy and was not sedated during it. she however assured me she could handle it. so 9 months go by and she's ready to pop. when we get to the hospital i do my best to advocate for her and make sure her wants were heard. however, we got right up to the wire before my wife said she needed an epidural. they took care of that and when she's pushing our daughter's giant head won't fit through my wife's vagina. so she gets an emergency episiotomy and brings our daughter into the world. now three months later we're allowing non-family to meet our daughter. my wife invited over her girlfriends and since they are officially all moms, they started talking about their birth stories. i heard some horrific things, and then we got to my wife. all she said was that she had an easy birth, no sedatives, no surgeries, just a few hours of pushing and done. the lie was confusing to me, i was trying to think of why she'd say this. i ask her if she's sure about that because i don't remember it happening that way. she tells me that she's the one that shot a person out of her. i suggest that maybe the pain and baby hormones are scrambling about how that happened. i tell the real story and say that she got an epidural and episiotomy. this led to the other ladies making jokes and giggling about my wife's mistelling. there were many jokes at her expense despite her not even having the worst birth story. for the rest of the visit, i could tell there was something brewing behind her eyes. when they left, my wife said i embarrassed her. she said that there was no reason for me to tell them what happened. i said there was no reason to lie. she completely disagreed and said that i won't get it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
3 months ago my wife and i had our baby. as they often our, her delivery got a little messy. from the day we found out she was pregnant, she decided she wanted to do a natural birth. she told me she wanted a vaginal birth, no epidural, no sedatives, no pain meds, she wanted to bring our baby into the world feeling everything. i of course really worried about this as, from what i've heard childbirth can be painful. i was especially worried about if she needed an episiotomy and was not sedated during it. she however assured me she could handle it. so 9 months go by and she's ready to pop. when we get to the hospital i do my best to advocate for her and make sure her wants were heard. however, we got right up to the wire before my wife said she needed an epidural. they took care of that and when she's pushing our daughter's giant head won't fit through my wife's vagina. so she gets an emergency episiotomy and brings our daughter into the world. now three months later we're allowing non-family to meet our daughter. my wife invited over her girlfriends and since they are officially all moms, they started talking about their birth stories. i heard some horrific things, and then we got to my wife. all she said was that she had an easy birth, no sedatives, no surgeries, just a few hours of pushing and done. the lie was confusing to me, i was trying to think of why she'd say this. i ask her if she's sure about that because i don't remember it happening that way. she tells me that she's the one that shot a person out of her. i suggest that maybe the pain and baby hormones are scrambling about how that happened. i tell the real story and say that she got an epidural and episiotomy. this led to the other ladies making jokes and giggling about my wife's mistelling. there were many jokes at her expense despite her not even having the worst birth story. for the rest of the visit, i could tell there was something brewing behind her eyes. when they left, my wife said i embarrassed her. she said that there was no reason for me to tell them what happened. i said there was no reason to lie. she completely disagreed and said that i won't get it. aita? [/INST] esh - you probably should not have outed her like that. she's an ah for lying though, and possibly doing some more damage / unintended damage by glossing over the need for medical escalation and continuing a false narrative of the "perfect natural" birth that other women might try to emulate and thus make poor decisions. </s>
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WIBTA for letting the child I gave up 18 years ago in my life against the wishes of her father?
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over 18 years ago when i was 15 i became pregnant with my high school bf’s baby. i did not want to keep the baby and my parents agreed to let me get an abortion if that was what i wanted.
i told my high school bf who was 17 at the time that i was pregnant but planed to have an abortion. he did not take this well and ran to his parents to try and stop me. him and his parents begged for me to keep the baby.
at the time i was young and easily manipulated. after some time of begging i agreed to carry the baby to term if they paid for everything and then took the baby. when the baby was born i signed my parental rights away with no regrets and all parties agreed i would have no contact with the child.
i have had no regrets from giving the child up. i went to college and have made a successful career. met the love of my life and have had two children with him in my own time.
but 2 months ago i received a facebook message from the child i gave up 18 years ago. she asked if i was her biological mother and i told her the truth. she asked to meet me and i said yes.
after meeting we discussed the situation i had been in and she told me she had no anger but only sadness for how things turned out. she told me about her childhood and said her father was a great father to her and she had a great step mother.
she ended up telling me her father had no clue she had contacted me. i told her that she should tell her father the truth because he did raise her. she agreed and asked me if we could stay in contact and i agreed.
to be honest even though i had no regrets from my decision and was happy to see this girl had an amazing life, i saw no reason to exclude her from mine if we both agreed to a healthy adult relationship. i had no plans to be her mother and made this clear and she understood.
but only a week after our first meet up i got a very angry call from her biological father. he told me i had no right to be in her life now. i told him i didn’t necessarily disagree but she was the one that sought me out and it would be cruel to deny her. this of course only made him angry. i tried to assure him i wasn’t trying to take a parental stance in her life and he had nothing to worry about but he didn’t care. he told me i needed to stay true to our agreement and stay away from his kid.
ever since then i had only talked to the girl through text. every time she asks to meet up i give her an excuse. i feel awful giving her the run around but i don’t want to hurt her relationship with her father and step mother. wibta for letting this girl into my life more?
edit/
| 3,857
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hrx2h2/wibta_for_letting_the_child_i_gave_up_18_years/
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2020-07-15 21:58:18
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esh - (you) for this and only this:
>every time she asks to meet up i give her an excuse.
either cut her off or let her in, don't play games with her. she deserves better.
(father) for trying to control his adult child by not respecting her right to find her bio parent, using the corced agreement of a 15 year old as the reason. my guess is that he is angry that you didn't parent this child like "you were supposed to" and he now wants to punish you, despite the agreement being about him wanting to control your actions.
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> he told me i needed to stay true to our agreement and stay away from his kid.
nta - the agreement became irrelevant the instant she turned 18.
you're just an adult that another adult wants to interact with. he has no say in that.
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nta. your biological daughter is an adult now, and she can make her own choices. her father is probably just resentful.
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imo, you're going to have to make a choice.
if you want to stay in contact with her (and she is a legal adult), then you should tell her what the situation is. tell her that her father is angry with this contact.
otherwise, if you can't do that, then cut off the relationship without making phony excuses. the longer you give her fake excuses, the worse she'll think of you and herself. tell her something that won't make her feel like she's being rejected.
but imo, you should tell her what the situation is. you want to be in contact with her, but you got that angry call from her father. that there was an agreement 18 years ago, but you and her father have different perspectives on it now, especially since she's a legal adult who can make up her own mind. then tell her that it's up to her what she wants to do and that you'll understand and accept whatever decision she makes.
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nta
she is an adult talking to an adult. you signed away your parental rights, you didn't sign away your ability to ever have contact with her.
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nta
she's an adult who can make her own decisions and she wants to get to know you. as long as you keep your current attitude about not wanting to take any parental role for her, i'd say there's no issue. you have a right to know each other.
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nta. 18 years ago? so she is 18 therefore an adult therefore at perfect liberty to do whatever she wishes.
you are not forcing a relationship nor did you seek this. you seem to be happy enough to have a relationship with the girl however it not being a motherly one. and that's fine, once it's understood between you.
ta in the story is dad. he did raise her, yes, but his reaction in trying to keep you apart is controlling. he is probably fearful that your daughter will want a serious relationship and that it will look like you are getting the benefit of a daughter-mother relationship without any work.
you do you. you don't owe either of them a relationship if you don't want to. try speaking to dad explaining that it is what daughter wants to do, and maybe look at family counseling to make sure that you all can deal with this sensitive emotional estate the best way possible.
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nta. your daughter is an adult. if she wants to have contact with you, she has every right to make that decision for herself.
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nta for letting her in your life, but ywbta if you continue to behave the way you have since the conflict with her father. you need to tell her what happened, apologize for avoiding her, and let her know you're happy to have a relationship with her but have no wish to interfere in her relationship with her father and avoid discussing him or his family if at all possible.
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nta
she reached out to you, and i imagine she understandably wants more information about you.
also, isn't she 18? it's not her fathers call anymore.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.013095
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: over 18 years ago when i was 15 i became pregnant with my high school bf’s baby. i did not want to keep the baby and my parents agreed to let me get an abortion if that was what i wanted. i told my high school bf who was 17 at the time that i was pregnant but planed to have an abortion. he did not take this well and ran to his parents to try and stop me. him and his parents begged for me to keep the baby. at the time i was young and easily manipulated. after some time of begging i agreed to carry the baby to term if they paid for everything and then took the baby. when the baby was born i signed my parental rights away with no regrets and all parties agreed i would have no contact with the child. i have had no regrets from giving the child up. i went to college and have made a successful career. met the love of my life and have had two children with him in my own time. but 2 months ago i received a facebook message from the child i gave up 18 years ago. she asked if i was her biological mother and i told her the truth. she asked to meet me and i said yes. after meeting we discussed the situation i had been in and she told me she had no anger but only sadness for how things turned out. she told me about her childhood and said her father was a great father to her and she had a great step mother. she ended up telling me her father had no clue she had contacted me. i told her that she should tell her father the truth because he did raise her. she agreed and asked me if we could stay in contact and i agreed. to be honest even though i had no regrets from my decision and was happy to see this girl had an amazing life, i saw no reason to exclude her from mine if we both agreed to a healthy adult relationship. i had no plans to be her mother and made this clear and she understood. but only a week after our first meet up i got a very angry call from her biological father. he told me i had no right to be in her life now. i told him i didn’t necessarily disagree but she was the one that sought me out and it would be cruel to deny her. this of course only made him angry. i tried to assure him i wasn’t trying to take a parental stance in her life and he had nothing to worry about but he didn’t care. he told me i needed to stay true to our agreement and stay away from his kid. ever since then i had only talked to the girl through text. every time she asks to meet up i give her an excuse. i feel awful giving her the run around but i don’t want to hurt her relationship with her father and step mother. wibta for letting this girl into my life more? edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
over 18 years ago when i was 15 i became pregnant with my high school bf’s baby. i did not want to keep the baby and my parents agreed to let me get an abortion if that was what i wanted. i told my high school bf who was 17 at the time that i was pregnant but planed to have an abortion. he did not take this well and ran to his parents to try and stop me. him and his parents begged for me to keep the baby. at the time i was young and easily manipulated. after some time of begging i agreed to carry the baby to term if they paid for everything and then took the baby. when the baby was born i signed my parental rights away with no regrets and all parties agreed i would have no contact with the child. i have had no regrets from giving the child up. i went to college and have made a successful career. met the love of my life and have had two children with him in my own time. but 2 months ago i received a facebook message from the child i gave up 18 years ago. she asked if i was her biological mother and i told her the truth. she asked to meet me and i said yes. after meeting we discussed the situation i had been in and she told me she had no anger but only sadness for how things turned out. she told me about her childhood and said her father was a great father to her and she had a great step mother. she ended up telling me her father had no clue she had contacted me. i told her that she should tell her father the truth because he did raise her. she agreed and asked me if we could stay in contact and i agreed. to be honest even though i had no regrets from my decision and was happy to see this girl had an amazing life, i saw no reason to exclude her from mine if we both agreed to a healthy adult relationship. i had no plans to be her mother and made this clear and she understood. but only a week after our first meet up i got a very angry call from her biological father. he told me i had no right to be in her life now. i told him i didn’t necessarily disagree but she was the one that sought me out and it would be cruel to deny her. this of course only made him angry. i tried to assure him i wasn’t trying to take a parental stance in her life and he had nothing to worry about but he didn’t care. he told me i needed to stay true to our agreement and stay away from his kid. ever since then i had only talked to the girl through text. every time she asks to meet up i give her an excuse. i feel awful giving her the run around but i don’t want to hurt her relationship with her father and step mother. wibta for letting this girl into my life more? edit/ [/INST] esh - (you) for this and only this: >every time she asks to meet up i give her an excuse. either cut her off or let her in, don't play games with her. she deserves better. (father) for trying to control his adult child by not respecting her right to find her bio parent, using the corced agreement of a 15 year old as the reason. my guess is that he is angry that you didn't parent this child like "you were supposed to" and he now wants to punish you, despite the agreement being about him wanting to control your actions. </s>
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AITA for not buying my girlfriend a birthday gift?
|
me (26,m) and my girlfriend (26) have been dating for 8 months. so, around 2 weeks ago it was my birthday and my girlfriend did not buy me any birthday gift and i was perfectly fine with it. special days do not mean anything to me and i was not actually expecting any gift at all. 2 days ago it was my girlfriends birthday and i did not get her any gift. now she is mad about it and does not talk to me. am i the asshole here?
| 474
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wzvlri/aita_for_not_buying_my_girlfriend_a_birthday_gift/
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2022-08-28 13:32:13
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info: was she aware beforehand that your birthday and receiving gifts don't matter to you, and were you aware they do matter to her?
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you two are too old for that kind of drama. honestly, do you guys ever talk with each other?
esh
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info: are birthdays a big deal to her? why didn't you buy a gift - out of spite bc she didn't get you one or did you not think she wanted one?
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she didn't buy you gift and then expected you to buy gift for her? please.. nta
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you did what you did based on her behavior. she is an adult. if she wants to do something for her birthday, she can start a conversation with you
nta
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info: was there any discussion prior to your birthday about not giving gifts for your birthday? for example, did she ask what you wanted for your birthday and you told her not to get you anything?
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info - if she didn’t get you a gift, did she take you out for dinner? plan a party? something along those lines?
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nta if she's mad, you've got a hypocrite on your hands.
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nta. she didn’t do anything for you then she can’t expect you to do something for you. simple as that. imo she’s the ah for being mad at you.
also, birthdays are important days in a relationship, especially when your with someone who you care for deeply and can see a future with. if you didn’t have the urge to do something special for this girl on her birthday (or to celebrate yours w her) then you might want to rethink the relationship. 🚨🚨🚨
|
yta. in a comment, you said that birthdays don't matter to you and it's just another day however you know they matter to her. so she treated *you* the way *you* want to be treated and you treated *her* the way *you* want to be treated, not how she wants to be treated.
ps, you're going to get skewed judgments because you didn't give all the important information.
|
INFO
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ESH
|
INFO
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NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.382541
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (26,m) and my girlfriend (26) have been dating for 8 months. so, around 2 weeks ago it was my birthday and my girlfriend did not buy me any birthday gift and i was perfectly fine with it. special days do not mean anything to me and i was not actually expecting any gift at all. 2 days ago it was my girlfriends birthday and i did not get her any gift. now she is mad about it and does not talk to me. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (26,m) and my girlfriend (26) have been dating for 8 months. so, around 2 weeks ago it was my birthday and my girlfriend did not buy me any birthday gift and i was perfectly fine with it. special days do not mean anything to me and i was not actually expecting any gift at all. 2 days ago it was my girlfriends birthday and i did not get her any gift. now she is mad about it and does not talk to me. am i the asshole here? [/INST] info: was she aware beforehand that your birthday and receiving gifts don't matter to you, and were you aware they do matter to her? </s>
|
AITA for getting my aunt and uncle kicked out of their house for not letting my husband and I sleep together?
|
i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont.
my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan.
my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent.
in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around.
during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room.
during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them.
the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that.
they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red.
i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name.
my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way.
the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again.
i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah.
i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
| 32,206
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x74x76/aita_for_getting_my_aunt_and_uncle_kicked_out_of/
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2022-09-06 08:18:23
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nta. i love your dad.
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nta
they insisted a hotel was not needed and then decided to disregard your marriage. the whole 'not married so separate rooms' thing was clearly an excuse before aswell.
it's entirely your father's decision who to let the house to, and you're within your rights to tell him what happened. just because he reacted as you expected him to doesn't make you an ah.
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nta- they played a cruel and stupid game and won a stupid prize. they insisted you and hubby stay exactly so they could do this, you told you father and he acted as he wanted. any family that doesn’t want them homeless can take them in.
i mean they having been benefiting from cheap rent for what 12years. they should have taken that time to save for a house or something maybe your dad just used this as an excuse to kick out a freeloading sibling and their family. and if their financial situation is such that this will truely leave them homeless then they should be smart enough not to be cruel to you.
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nta
i'm assuming your aunt and uncle sleep in separate beds since there are children in the house right?
they insisted on you staying but had the audacity to insult their guests and separate a married couple.
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nta - at the end of the day it's your father who made the decision to chuck them out, which he had every right to do. why would he continue to get reduced rent from family members who disrespect his son and son in law so badly?
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nta nta nta
i can't fault you for anything here. you are properly married and should be respected as such.
i admire you so much for standing up against these bigots who are supposed to be your family.
and hats off to your dad for standing by you. you're all awesome!
except aunt and uncle, who are certainly tas.
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nta they are just bigots who thought they would get a kick out of making y'all sleep in separate rooms. they fucked around and found out!
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nta and you didn't get them kicked out - your aunt and uncle did.
your aunt and uncle clearly set this up to abuse you and your husband and "take a stand" or whatever, i'm sorry you had to deal with that. and i'm glad your dad is so great!
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nta - your aunt and uncle behaved like jerks! play shitty games, win shitty prizes.
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nta. i'm a bit confused as to why the word "homeless" is being thrown around, instead of the bigoted aunt and uncle just needing to rent a different place (albeit for a higher rent or with less space, since your parents were giving a discount.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband? [/INST] nta. i love your dad. </s>
|
AITA for asking my transsexual ex-wife to dress more appropriately?
|
my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10).
ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue.
i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son".
i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention.
ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?
| 24,173
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di6zz9/aita_for_asking_my_transsexual_exwife_to_dress/
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2019-10-15 12:12:00
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nta
wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate.
asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do.
you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too.
|
nta
you are helping your son speak up. you may need to have a therapist or school resource step in to mediate, rather than you, if laura can't receive it from you.
probably also not a great idea to bring it up in a public place, but not your fault that laura blew up.
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nta. it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with your son. while laura may be figuring out her style as a woman, she needs to come back down to earth and realize that she’s a parent first and foremost
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nta. if you take the trans out of the equation, kids would still make comments to your son that his mother picks him up from school in high heels, fishnets and mini skirts.
your ex's confidence in wearing revealing/extreme clothing shouldn't take priority over your kid getting bullied every day - which will happen if your ex picks your son up every day dressed like that. yeah kids are assholes but there's not a lot that can be done about that. what happens when your son hits breaking point and either wants to stop seeing your ex altogether or ends up getting some serious depression from the constant bullying?
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i am a former school administrator and i can tell you that regardless of gender or trans status, parents who dress “flamboyantly” embarrass their children. i have seen kids hide when that see their parents coming because of the way the parents are dressed. the child’s feelings need to come first
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nta. there are so many comments already that this will probably get buried, but my father came out as trans years ago. while i respect her decision to do what she did, she would say and do things that made me extremely uncomfortable (tell me she was always jealous of me for being a girl, buy wigs that she told me looked like my hair, etc.) whenever i voiced my discomfort, i was labeled "transphobic" or "unsupportive" by family members.
people don't really think about what family on the other side goes through, only what the person coming out as trans goes through, when really, both sides have valid feelings that need to be respected. she is not taking into account the effect she is having on your son and being extremely selfish.
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nta it’s confusing enough for your son to have a father that realizes he is a she, but dressing suggestively, regardless of sex, around your 10 year old child to the point that it makes him uncomfortable is inappropriate.
you, and especially your son, should be able to sit down and talk to your ex in a civilized manner. probably best to do it in a private setting in the future to keep the nosy people out of the picture.
|
nta
but, i see this happen to almost every transwoman i've ever met. shortly after they begin to transition they dress like a 12 year old's interpretation of what's sexy. they spent all their lives basically learning feminine expressions of sexuality from the male pov. plus they want to experiment with anything they couldn't get away with as a man. she's going through this phase.
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nta. i applaud you for your attempt at civility with laura. i even applaud her for having an amount of confidence that a lot of women (both trans and cisgender) lack. however the fact that she sees nothing wrong with how she dresses around y'all's son in addition to not recognizing his feelings is just messed up. to copy what a few others have suggested, i think family counseling may be for the best.
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nta- she needs to put the child’s happiness before their overt displays of “confidence”. (nothing screams the opposite more than over compensating)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way? [/INST] nta wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate. asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do. you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too. </s>
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AITA for screaming and making a stranger cry ?
|
late yesterday afternoon i took my kids (2yo & 9yo) to a soft play at our leisure centre. when my 2yo went into the play area this other 2yo intentionally run over to him and knocked him over. at first i thought nothing of it as they are just kids and this is what they do sometimes but this kid just would leave my son alone and wanted to just push him over, blocking him from going on the climbing frame etc. my 2yo was trying to just avoid this other kid but wherever he went this kid would just run up to him and push him. this has been going on for about 20 minutes when i finally had enough and told this other 2yo off for doing so as none of the other parents in the room were reacting at all and you would think any normal parent would by now sort their kid out! after my chat to this 2yo one of the adults in the room said ‘this happens every week, the mother just leaves her kids here and then sits in the public viewing gallery watching her other kids swimming’ i was absolutely fuming ! the gallery is next door to the play area but who the fuck leaves 2yo and 4yo without any supervision in a play area, surrounded by complete strangers ?
btw- you can sit in the play area and still watch the kids swimming lessons. if you sit in the gallery you cannot see in the play area !
i was so angry i went into the gallery where she was and started screaming at her for leaving her kids without supervision in the play area for by then 30 minutes! telling her she is irresponsible and this is completely unacceptable behaviour! she then starts crying telling me she has 4 kids and that she shouldn’t complain as she brought it on herself. to what i’ve replied, ‘that is not my f*cking problem and she should get her shit together’
my husband thinks i’ve over done it but i don’t think so. i’m still fuming.
am i the asshole for screaming and making her cry ?
| 2,469
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1bhio/aita_for_screaming_and_making_a_stranger_cry/
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2022-01-11 12:10:14
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esh. was it really necessary to scream? i agree with everything you've said, but by screaming at her, instead of taking what you've said on board she'll likely view it as 'this random crazy person yelled at me'.
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esh. was screaming in public and making her cry necessary to get your point across?
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esh is there no employees that could’ve handled the situation? was screaming at her really necessary? i agree with confronting her. there’s no excuse on her end, but you know as a mother yourself, some days you just have your breaking point, where you feel like you can’t handle it all. you have no idea what kind of support she has at home. get control of yourself.
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y t a for screaming at her but she did need a stern telling off. out of curiosity where were your children when this went down? did you leave them in the play area while you went to scream?
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info: why didn’t you talk to an employee of the leisure centre about this?
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esh screaming is always overdoing it. learn healthy ways to deal with anger and model them to your children or they will pay for it.
you can learn this shit in therapy.
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nta - somebody needed to do it.
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esh i think. her behaviour is wrong but i think you handled it poorly. it seems like you went in there and instantly started going off. easy to see why that'd be shocking for someone in a leisure centre. you should've attempted a calm conversation first rather than being argumentative
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esh
why was screaming necessary? you could have had a discussion with her and voice your concerns in a civilized manner.
2 wrongs don't make a right.
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nta you can’t be a asshole for telling someone to watch their kid
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.4098
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: late yesterday afternoon i took my kids (2yo & 9yo) to a soft play at our leisure centre. when my 2yo went into the play area this other 2yo intentionally run over to him and knocked him over. at first i thought nothing of it as they are just kids and this is what they do sometimes but this kid just would leave my son alone and wanted to just push him over, blocking him from going on the climbing frame etc. my 2yo was trying to just avoid this other kid but wherever he went this kid would just run up to him and push him. this has been going on for about 20 minutes when i finally had enough and told this other 2yo off for doing so as none of the other parents in the room were reacting at all and you would think any normal parent would by now sort their kid out! after my chat to this 2yo one of the adults in the room said ‘this happens every week, the mother just leaves her kids here and then sits in the public viewing gallery watching her other kids swimming’ i was absolutely fuming ! the gallery is next door to the play area but who the fuck leaves 2yo and 4yo without any supervision in a play area, surrounded by complete strangers ? btw- you can sit in the play area and still watch the kids swimming lessons. if you sit in the gallery you cannot see in the play area ! i was so angry i went into the gallery where she was and started screaming at her for leaving her kids without supervision in the play area for by then 30 minutes! telling her she is irresponsible and this is completely unacceptable behaviour! she then starts crying telling me she has 4 kids and that she shouldn’t complain as she brought it on herself. to what i’ve replied, ‘that is not my f*cking problem and she should get her shit together’ my husband thinks i’ve over done it but i don’t think so. i’m still fuming. am i the asshole for screaming and making her cry ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
late yesterday afternoon i took my kids (2yo & 9yo) to a soft play at our leisure centre. when my 2yo went into the play area this other 2yo intentionally run over to him and knocked him over. at first i thought nothing of it as they are just kids and this is what they do sometimes but this kid just would leave my son alone and wanted to just push him over, blocking him from going on the climbing frame etc. my 2yo was trying to just avoid this other kid but wherever he went this kid would just run up to him and push him. this has been going on for about 20 minutes when i finally had enough and told this other 2yo off for doing so as none of the other parents in the room were reacting at all and you would think any normal parent would by now sort their kid out! after my chat to this 2yo one of the adults in the room said ‘this happens every week, the mother just leaves her kids here and then sits in the public viewing gallery watching her other kids swimming’ i was absolutely fuming ! the gallery is next door to the play area but who the fuck leaves 2yo and 4yo without any supervision in a play area, surrounded by complete strangers ? btw- you can sit in the play area and still watch the kids swimming lessons. if you sit in the gallery you cannot see in the play area ! i was so angry i went into the gallery where she was and started screaming at her for leaving her kids without supervision in the play area for by then 30 minutes! telling her she is irresponsible and this is completely unacceptable behaviour! she then starts crying telling me she has 4 kids and that she shouldn’t complain as she brought it on herself. to what i’ve replied, ‘that is not my f*cking problem and she should get her shit together’ my husband thinks i’ve over done it but i don’t think so. i’m still fuming. am i the asshole for screaming and making her cry ? [/INST] esh. was it really necessary to scream? i agree with everything you've said, but by screaming at her, instead of taking what you've said on board she'll likely view it as 'this random crazy person yelled at me'. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex to stop giving my daughter lunch money
|
i have a daughter, emily (16f) with my ex. she chose to live with my ex and his wife and kids the majority of the time because she has to share her room with her step sister laura (15) at my house.
my ex gives emily $25 a week to buy lunch. emily's and laura's school is down the street from a lot of restaurants so, instead of buying school lunches, she leaves campus to buy herself and her friends lunch.
the problem is she sees laura at school and won't get her anything even though she gets her friends lunch all the time. i talked to emily about it and she said it's because her friends pay her back and laura can't.
emily knows we can't afford to give laura that kind of money and i know she works part time and gets an extra allowance from her dad so i asked her to occasionally buy laura lunch to make her feel better. she refused.
i called her dad and hoped that as a parent, he's understand what i was trying to do but he said laura's feelings are not his or emily's responsibility and that if she wants to buy lunch off campus, she should get a part time job like emily. i tried to explain that laura is in sports and she has adhd and depression so it would be hard for her to work but he said that's my and my husband's problem and hung up.
laura came home crying the other day because emily came back with food from her favorite restaurant and didn't give her anything or offer to share so i called my ex and told him that he needs to stop giving emily lunch money and have her make her own lunches because she was hurting laura.
he refused to listen to me and told emily that i'm telling him to not let her go out at lunch because of laura and emily hasn't spoken to me except to say that she's going to stay at her dad's full time for a while.
[update](https://www.reddit.com/user/daughterlunch/comments/tdaax9/update_aita_for_telling_my_ex_to_stop_giving_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
| 8,140
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8nqkc/aita_for_telling_my_ex_to_stop_giving_my_daughter/
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2022-01-20 17:08:57
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yta. are you even listening to yourself right now? i see why she's living with your ex...
your childs' happiness is your responsibility. why should someone else need to stop giving a child lunch money because your spawn is unhappy? that is not how the world works.
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>her friends pay her back and laura can't
enough said. 25 dollars a week is 5 dollars per school day. emily isn't swimming in money, and she works for what she has, she doesn't have to be funding your stepdaughter's wants.
laura doesn't work because she is in sports, that is her choice and not emily's nor her dad's responsability. laura is old enough to understand that, and **the main reason she is getting hurt right now is because you are leading her to think she is entitled to somebody else's money.**
every time that laura comes crying due to this, look at yourself and at your husband, because your parenting is the reason she is getting heart broken at not getting what you lead her to think she is entitled to have.
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yta
your ex is right. laura's feelings about your not being able to provide lunch money isn't emily's or your ex's problem. your ex can parent the way he wants to in his house. you don't have a right to tell him how to parent on his own time.
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yta
why isn’t your husband giving laura money then? it’s not your daughters job and your ex’s job to get laura lunch.
and having adhd and depression isn’t an excuse for not working. you find healthy ways to manage that.
sounds like you’ve thrown your actual kid aside.
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yta. $25 is not a lot of money for a week’s worth of food. i highly doubt she’s making it rain at the club with that.
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yta. why is your ex responsible for your new husbands child?
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i can see why she's living with your ex. her money that she earns & her father gives her, your other child is not entitled too, sorry but she's not. plenty of kids with adhd work. let your daughter get a job. it will be good for her
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yta. laura's feelings about this are none of your ex's concern.
i'm also wondering why laura takes so much time to notice what emily gets for lunch every day? that's kind of odd. don't they have different friends?
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[removed]
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yta laura is going to have to learn life isn’t fair, emily works laura doesn’t…$25 allowance is nothing it is her job that gives her the most disposable income. you can use laura’s depression and adhd as an excuse now but what happens when she is an adult and has to support herself? should emily forgo a nice car, beautiful home and vacations because laura can’t afford it? you should concentrate more on getting laura whatever therapy and medication she needs to get better, the answer isn’t making emily suffer because laura is jealous.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a daughter, emily (16f) with my ex. she chose to live with my ex and his wife and kids the majority of the time because she has to share her room with her step sister laura (15) at my house. my ex gives emily $25 a week to buy lunch. emily's and laura's school is down the street from a lot of restaurants so, instead of buying school lunches, she leaves campus to buy herself and her friends lunch. the problem is she sees laura at school and won't get her anything even though she gets her friends lunch all the time. i talked to emily about it and she said it's because her friends pay her back and laura can't. emily knows we can't afford to give laura that kind of money and i know she works part time and gets an extra allowance from her dad so i asked her to occasionally buy laura lunch to make her feel better. she refused. i called her dad and hoped that as a parent, he's understand what i was trying to do but he said laura's feelings are not his or emily's responsibility and that if she wants to buy lunch off campus, she should get a part time job like emily. i tried to explain that laura is in sports and she has adhd and depression so it would be hard for her to work but he said that's my and my husband's problem and hung up. laura came home crying the other day because emily came back with food from her favorite restaurant and didn't give her anything or offer to share so i called my ex and told him that he needs to stop giving emily lunch money and have her make her own lunches because she was hurting laura. he refused to listen to me and told emily that i'm telling him to not let her go out at lunch because of laura and emily hasn't spoken to me except to say that she's going to stay at her dad's full time for a while. [update](https://www.reddit.com/user/daughterlunch/comments/tdaax9/update_aita_for_telling_my_ex_to_stop_giving_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a daughter, emily (16f) with my ex. she chose to live with my ex and his wife and kids the majority of the time because she has to share her room with her step sister laura (15) at my house. my ex gives emily $25 a week to buy lunch. emily's and laura's school is down the street from a lot of restaurants so, instead of buying school lunches, she leaves campus to buy herself and her friends lunch. the problem is she sees laura at school and won't get her anything even though she gets her friends lunch all the time. i talked to emily about it and she said it's because her friends pay her back and laura can't. emily knows we can't afford to give laura that kind of money and i know she works part time and gets an extra allowance from her dad so i asked her to occasionally buy laura lunch to make her feel better. she refused. i called her dad and hoped that as a parent, he's understand what i was trying to do but he said laura's feelings are not his or emily's responsibility and that if she wants to buy lunch off campus, she should get a part time job like emily. i tried to explain that laura is in sports and she has adhd and depression so it would be hard for her to work but he said that's my and my husband's problem and hung up. laura came home crying the other day because emily came back with food from her favorite restaurant and didn't give her anything or offer to share so i called my ex and told him that he needs to stop giving emily lunch money and have her make her own lunches because she was hurting laura. he refused to listen to me and told emily that i'm telling him to not let her go out at lunch because of laura and emily hasn't spoken to me except to say that she's going to stay at her dad's full time for a while. [update](https://www.reddit.com/user/daughterlunch/comments/tdaax9/update_aita_for_telling_my_ex_to_stop_giving_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [/INST] yta. are you even listening to yourself right now? i see why she's living with your ex... your childs' happiness is your responsibility. why should someone else need to stop giving a child lunch money because your spawn is unhappy? that is not how the world works. </s>
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AITA for fighting with my wife in front of our child when she called my mother a bad mom?
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my mom was a great mother. i had a really good childhood, especially considering how young she was and that my dad is a piece of shit. i really appreciate how she shielded me from all of that.
my mom is married to my former boss, and while it sucks for me, i do believe she did her duty as a mother and deserves to be happy. i used to work for "brandon". this was one of those jobs where networking was everything, you really needed the boss to like you, and you had to present a certain image. i will admit i tried way too hard and to put it lightly, brandon did not like me. he was a condescending ass, and my mom was aware as i vented to her about work. he wasn't outright abusive, but did laugh at me a lot and make a few comments that weren't cool.
my mom and brandon met at our wedding. now i don't believe in love at first sight, but they definitely had something there, and my first instinct was eww, but they got serious really fast and i have to say he makes her really happy, and she has never seemed truly happy before. i hate being around him, wish this never happened, but i am happy for them. my wife thinks my mom is a bad mother for putting herself first.
recently my five year old son asked why we don't see my mom as much as my in laws (about once a month vs once or twice a week) my wife said that while my in laws were the best parents, my mom was a bad mom because she married brandon who had not been nice to me, and we don't spend much time with her because she was selfish.
i was furious and told my son that was not true. i said we don't spend time together because my mom has a busier life, and because mil doesn't work so they sometimes go over during the day. i said that it was wrong of my wife to say that, and my mom was a great mom.
my wife told our son i was wrong and a good mom would not have married someone like that. i snapped and told my son not to listen to his mother, and she just doesn't like my mom. i said that women with adult kids should put themselves first and maybe it isn't healthy how much we see mil, but my mom is a great person and i won't hear anything more about it.
when my son went to play, my wife confronted me and said i undermined her and was acting like a mama's boy. she said i should not have raised my voice (didn't yell, but did raise it) and that i shouldn't be confusing our son when what my mom did was objectively not ok
| 1,964
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y5i398/aita_for_fighting_with_my_wife_in_front_of_our/
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2022-10-16 14:24:35
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esh. next time you two children want to fight through a third party instead of talking to each other *like fucking adults*, try using the dog instead of your impressionable kid as the prop.
both of you suck. grow the fuck up.
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esh. no one is a winner here.
you're both shitty for putting your child in the middle of an argument between you and your wife. neither of you were actually talking to your son, you were indirectly being jerks to each other about an issue it seems unresolved between the two of you.
keep your son out of this. it's only going to cause him a lot of issues in the future.
discuss your issues like adults, don't use your son as a passive aggressive tool.
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esh but the kid.
why are you two using the kid as a family therapist to voice feelings and opinions of your mom?
if you aren't seeing mom as much because of her husband that really isn't your 5 year old's business. it's ok not to answer that question fully. kids have diarrhea of the mouth and there is no reason to use him as an excuse to "accidentally" have him spout off the next time he sees his grandmother. exactly what's he supposed to call your tormenter you don't say. you also haven't said whether or not your former boss now stepfather was man enough to own his behavior and apologize. need a little more data.
i disagree with you that an adult parent has carte blanche to pursue a relationship with someone that tormented you. you did give a subtle nod of approval for this guy by inviting him to your wedding. i think you made the right decision to avoid them as much as possible and bear in mind the tormenter could care less he's hurting your mom's relationships.
you don't mention whether or not your mom has come up for air long enough to realize your absence. if she has, my guess is instead of being honest that you don't want any kind of relationship with him you're saying how busy you are.
wife needs to close her mouth regarding your mom. the future is unknown and there's no reason to poison your son's thoughts.
edited to say since your sf clearly loathes you and your wife it's unhealthy to spend any time in his proximity. sf hates being sucked up to but he went to your wedding. tells you he has a sixth sense about golddiggers and your obsessed with your mom's money? he's toxic af. if mom is insistent on him being present any time you see her she's drank the kool aid. if she'll come to your house without him then you two might be able to have more frequent visitation. your stance of "i'm glad mom is happy" is mature and isolates the both of you. your approach would be healthier had she chosen someone that isn't toxic. mom blaming you for sucking up too much is her deflecting that she chose a man over her established family. no, i don't respect that. i have no problem saying i don't respect it as i have made the same error and then corrected it.
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esh
sort yourselves out and have your petty ass arguments away from your child.
these feelings about your mother are something you both should have discussed long before the child raised the question
this was an entirely predicable and avoidable scenario and it should have been allowed to happen.
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this is hard to judge… your wife should have never said your mom was a bad mom to the child. she just dragged adult problems in front of a child who would interpret this as grandma is a bad person, untrustworthy, and not someone safe to be around.
it made sense that you jumped in to defend your mom, but you escalated it in front of the kid.
so i am going to have to go with esh. you and your wife need to privately discuss how you are going talk about your mom in your home.
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you have a weird fascination with not holding your mother to any accountability. you can see others faults except hers. whatever else, a great mom would not have gravitated to a bully or allowed him to distance her from her child and grandchild.
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you and your wife are both ahs for putting your kid in the middle of an argument to be petty with each other. esh
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nta
she started a petty fight for no reason. she didn't have to shit on your mom/your son's grandma and bring him into "family drama."
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nta i think your wife is the ah here, but i also think she’s offended on your behalf which is a nice thing.
i don’t think you and your wife should have argued about this in front of your child, but the way you have presented things it seems that you were reasonable - actually my mom works more, etc., and your wife should have stopped there. i don’t think you were undermining her and i also think it’s inappropriate for her to tell your child his grandparent was a bad parent, since you all have a relationship so it creates unhealthy resentment with your son and his grandmother. i also think you’re right that your mother has the right to live her own life, although i can’t imagine marrying someone who actively dislikes my son, even if he were an adult, and i can see your wife’s point on that.
however, i think you’re a little bit ah for saying that it’s unhealthy how much time you spend with your mil. there is no such thing - some families and in some cultures grandparents even live with their children and grandchildren. it’s all about what works with your family. if you think your family is genuinely negatively affected by how much time you spend with your mil then have that conversation, either way bringing it up in an argument is only going to upset your wife and make her feel like you’re attacking her relationship with her mother and, as you’ve just experienced, it makes you unhappy and prolongs arguments and hurt feelings.
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esh. don't bring children into adult fights. you both did it. you both suck.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.433062
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom was a great mother. i had a really good childhood, especially considering how young she was and that my dad is a piece of shit. i really appreciate how she shielded me from all of that. my mom is married to my former boss, and while it sucks for me, i do believe she did her duty as a mother and deserves to be happy. i used to work for "brandon". this was one of those jobs where networking was everything, you really needed the boss to like you, and you had to present a certain image. i will admit i tried way too hard and to put it lightly, brandon did not like me. he was a condescending ass, and my mom was aware as i vented to her about work. he wasn't outright abusive, but did laugh at me a lot and make a few comments that weren't cool. my mom and brandon met at our wedding. now i don't believe in love at first sight, but they definitely had something there, and my first instinct was eww, but they got serious really fast and i have to say he makes her really happy, and she has never seemed truly happy before. i hate being around him, wish this never happened, but i am happy for them. my wife thinks my mom is a bad mother for putting herself first. recently my five year old son asked why we don't see my mom as much as my in laws (about once a month vs once or twice a week) my wife said that while my in laws were the best parents, my mom was a bad mom because she married brandon who had not been nice to me, and we don't spend much time with her because she was selfish. i was furious and told my son that was not true. i said we don't spend time together because my mom has a busier life, and because mil doesn't work so they sometimes go over during the day. i said that it was wrong of my wife to say that, and my mom was a great mom. my wife told our son i was wrong and a good mom would not have married someone like that. i snapped and told my son not to listen to his mother, and she just doesn't like my mom. i said that women with adult kids should put themselves first and maybe it isn't healthy how much we see mil, but my mom is a great person and i won't hear anything more about it. when my son went to play, my wife confronted me and said i undermined her and was acting like a mama's boy. she said i should not have raised my voice (didn't yell, but did raise it) and that i shouldn't be confusing our son when what my mom did was objectively not ok
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom was a great mother. i had a really good childhood, especially considering how young she was and that my dad is a piece of shit. i really appreciate how she shielded me from all of that. my mom is married to my former boss, and while it sucks for me, i do believe she did her duty as a mother and deserves to be happy. i used to work for "brandon". this was one of those jobs where networking was everything, you really needed the boss to like you, and you had to present a certain image. i will admit i tried way too hard and to put it lightly, brandon did not like me. he was a condescending ass, and my mom was aware as i vented to her about work. he wasn't outright abusive, but did laugh at me a lot and make a few comments that weren't cool. my mom and brandon met at our wedding. now i don't believe in love at first sight, but they definitely had something there, and my first instinct was eww, but they got serious really fast and i have to say he makes her really happy, and she has never seemed truly happy before. i hate being around him, wish this never happened, but i am happy for them. my wife thinks my mom is a bad mother for putting herself first. recently my five year old son asked why we don't see my mom as much as my in laws (about once a month vs once or twice a week) my wife said that while my in laws were the best parents, my mom was a bad mom because she married brandon who had not been nice to me, and we don't spend much time with her because she was selfish. i was furious and told my son that was not true. i said we don't spend time together because my mom has a busier life, and because mil doesn't work so they sometimes go over during the day. i said that it was wrong of my wife to say that, and my mom was a great mom. my wife told our son i was wrong and a good mom would not have married someone like that. i snapped and told my son not to listen to his mother, and she just doesn't like my mom. i said that women with adult kids should put themselves first and maybe it isn't healthy how much we see mil, but my mom is a great person and i won't hear anything more about it. when my son went to play, my wife confronted me and said i undermined her and was acting like a mama's boy. she said i should not have raised my voice (didn't yell, but did raise it) and that i shouldn't be confusing our son when what my mom did was objectively not ok [/INST] esh. next time you two children want to fight through a third party instead of talking to each other *like fucking adults*, try using the dog instead of your impressionable kid as the prop. both of you suck. grow the fuck up. </s>
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AITA for letting my daughter wear an expensive dress to my sister's house?
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hi all.
me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend.
georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades.
the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress.
my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that.
i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her.
anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other.
my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us.
my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to.
that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress.
aita?
| 15,848
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oa5w00/aita_for_letting_my_daughter_wear_an_expensive/
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2021-06-29 10:54:18
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yta. normally i would say otherwise due to property being damaged, but not in this case. 1) you’ve already mentioned that your sister is not well off and struggles to provide for her three kids. 2) what your daughter said was extremely rude and a reflection of your parenting. she most definitely deserved to have a vanilla milkshake thrown at her for saying such a rude thing. take it to the dry cleaners and get it professionally cleaned. be happy it was vanilla and not chocolate. maybe this will teach your daughter to be a lot more humble.
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esh - look, a giant hypocrite! let’s get this out of the way first, of course the milkshake thing was not justified, and makes the other girl an asshole, which is why this gets into the category of everybody sucking. but…
1) why is it that you protest that you can’t control georgia, but expect your sister to be able to control her daughter’s behavior? seems like either teenagers are uncontrollable or they aren’t, and your stance is wholly hypocritical.
2) feels like a good teaching moment for georgia. you say she gets nice clothes as long as she gets good grades and behaves, right? well, the classist bullshit she talked to her cousin is not behaving. therefore, she has one less nice dress based on your agreement.
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yta. if georgia receives any offers to tour a chocolate factory, i highly recommend you decline.
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your family is ta.
she is a minor which literally makes it your job to 'police' what she wears.
your daughter's comment was rude, disrespectful, and reflects very people poorly on you and your husband, as well as her.
what do you do with your daughter's old clothes? do you give them to lucy? all of my old clothes went to my younger cousin. and that had zero to do with income.
learn some f'ing respect and then teach your daughter.
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since i am not going to call a child an asshole. i will go with yta. your daughter could have politely answered the questions instead of being rude about it.
your daughter is 15 and based on what you have said here you are raising a brat.
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yta - georgia should be allowed to wear whatever she pleases, but you've built her up to be some sort of saint when it turns out she's a complete brat. if i were your sister, i'd be rightfully pissed the eff off by her vile and hurtful comment.
your child lacks discipline and manners. if i were you, i'd be looking to correct this asap whilst thinking of how to apologise effectively to your niece and sister.
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yta. if my daughter said something like that to another girl, she’d be donating those “beautiful” clothes. you might dress her nicely, but you raised her poorly.
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[removed]
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esh
>. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress.
so you can't control what your daughter wears or the fact that she is an enormous snob, but your sister should be able to control her daughter's emotions?
georgia was a jerk to her cousin. being a jerk has consequences sometimes.
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your kid is an asshole. maybe this will teach her that there are consequences for shitty behavior.
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
ESH
| null | 0.00461
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend. georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades. the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress. my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that. i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her. anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other. my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us. my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to. that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all. me, my husband and our 15 year old daughter georgia went to my sister's place for lunch this weekend. georgia is very bright. she completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. she's a big fashionista, a lot more than i was at that age. she loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we're happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades. the lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but georgia wore her new pink dress. my sister isn't as well off as we are unfortunately. she is raising three children on her own and her job isn't a high paying one. in the past, she asked me if georgia could "tone down" her outfits when we come to visit, because she doesn't want her kids being upset because they can't afford things like that. i do get my sister's point but it's not down to me to police what georgia wears. i have spoken to georgia about it but i left the final decision to her. anyway so we went for lunch, and georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister's 13 year old, lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. georgia answered that it didn't matter because lucy couldn't afford it anyway. we told georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with georgia and lucy screaming at each other. my sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and lucy decided to throw hers all over georgia, ruining the dress. georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. i said that if the dress was permanently ruined, i wanted my sister to reimburse us. my sister has refused and said that it was "our responsibility" because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to. that dress cost a couple of hundred, and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. frankly, i don't care about my sister's warnings. we can't make georgia wear what she doesn't want to, and it's not our problem that she can't control her child and stop her ruining a beautiful dress. aita? [/INST] yta. normally i would say otherwise due to property being damaged, but not in this case. 1) you’ve already mentioned that your sister is not well off and struggles to provide for her three kids. 2) what your daughter said was extremely rude and a reflection of your parenting. she most definitely deserved to have a vanilla milkshake thrown at her for saying such a rude thing. take it to the dry cleaners and get it professionally cleaned. be happy it was vanilla and not chocolate. maybe this will teach your daughter to be a lot more humble. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL I can’t redo a project for her wedding that’s in 2 weeks?
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we are at t-minus 2 weeks until my sil’s wedding and she just threw onto me a couple of days ago that she wants me to make her welcome sign, seating chart, and snack bar signs. she wanted them to be blue painted acrylic. anyway, after getting the supplies i made a sample sign with the paint i was going to use. i sent her a picture and asked her if this was what she wanted. she said it’s perfect. speed up to tonight when i get a text saying that the color is too light and it needs to match her wedding invitations. that wouldn’t have been a problem if she had told me earlier but i got 80% of it done already. i told her that i couldn’t redo it and that she had told me it was okay when i asked her earlier. she just suggested “i can paint over it” which; spoiler alert, you can’t just do that. anyway, now she either has to use what i made her already or figure something else out on her own.
little background, i’m her moh and have invested countless hours on her wedding and thousands of dollars.
oh also, her mother was supposed to do the seating chart sign but decided last minute that it would “take up too much of her time”.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ldqr3x/aita_for_telling_my_sil_i_cant_redo_a_project_for/
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2021-02-06 05:25:48
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info: who, while at the reception, is going to remember the exact shade of blue on her wedding invitations?
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nta. it sounds like she didn’t communicate her expectations and even gave you the green light when you showed her the initial picture.
i understand how stressful wedding planning can be, but i promise you that not a single person will give even a tiny shit that the sign doesn’t match the invitation colors.
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oh good lord no one gives a rats patootie that her seating chart color isn’t an exact match to her wedding invitations. nta
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nta
if she was paying a professional to do this type of work, they would make her pay for redoing the signs with the "right" color. i would tell her that if she wants them changed, she needs to pay for the supplies + extra time you'd spend making it all.
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nta. people often ask for handcrafted wedding stuff without having any idea how much work actually goes into it. if she wanted it to match her wedding invitations, she should have had the invitations ready to compare to your paint sample in the first place.
it sounds like she doesn’t value the time you have already put into this, or respect your work. you are not a factory. you can’t just churn out wedding decor on demand at the last minute. and it’s not reasonable to expect your whole world to revolve around her wedding, even if you are moh.
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nta - i'm going out on a limb here but i don't think a marriage has ever been anulled because the snack signs didn't match the invitations.
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thousands?? bless you. you aren’t even being paid so this is definitely time for you to put your foot down.
my best friend is lovely, but entitled. i found a bridesmaid dress she was happy with and gave her the details to order the same one for her cousin. turned out, the cousin’s one was a slightly different shade of blue as the first colour was discontinued. with two weeks to go before the wedding, my friend then demanded i buy another dress so we would match, knowing that i couldn’t return the first dress. so i’d be out of pocket paying for two pricey dresses, and it was her mistake in the first place.
i declined, stating my reasoning, and she didn’t go nuclear like i expected. she just said, ‘that’s fair.’ hopefully your friend will be the same. your case is a much huger deal as you are putting so much time, talent and energy into doing something nice for her. she should recognise that.
definitely stop doing her so many favours. it seems like the more you do, the more she expects. you sound like a brilliant friend and a wonderful moh x
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nta. i hate weddings. i would much rather attend them and drink too much than be part of a wedding party. it’s expensive and not enjoyable.
is this a case of the bridezillas, or have there been other times when sil didn’t respect your time?
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nta
there are bigger fish try
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we are at t-minus 2 weeks until my sil’s wedding and she just threw onto me a couple of days ago that she wants me to make her welcome sign, seating chart, and snack bar signs. she wanted them to be blue painted acrylic. anyway, after getting the supplies i made a sample sign with the paint i was going to use. i sent her a picture and asked her if this was what she wanted. she said it’s perfect. speed up to tonight when i get a text saying that the color is too light and it needs to match her wedding invitations. that wouldn’t have been a problem if she had told me earlier but i got 80% of it done already. i told her that i couldn’t redo it and that she had told me it was okay when i asked her earlier. she just suggested “i can paint over it” which; spoiler alert, you can’t just do that. anyway, now she either has to use what i made her already or figure something else out on her own. little background, i’m her moh and have invested countless hours on her wedding and thousands of dollars. oh also, her mother was supposed to do the seating chart sign but decided last minute that it would “take up too much of her time”.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we are at t-minus 2 weeks until my sil’s wedding and she just threw onto me a couple of days ago that she wants me to make her welcome sign, seating chart, and snack bar signs. she wanted them to be blue painted acrylic. anyway, after getting the supplies i made a sample sign with the paint i was going to use. i sent her a picture and asked her if this was what she wanted. she said it’s perfect. speed up to tonight when i get a text saying that the color is too light and it needs to match her wedding invitations. that wouldn’t have been a problem if she had told me earlier but i got 80% of it done already. i told her that i couldn’t redo it and that she had told me it was okay when i asked her earlier. she just suggested “i can paint over it” which; spoiler alert, you can’t just do that. anyway, now she either has to use what i made her already or figure something else out on her own. little background, i’m her moh and have invested countless hours on her wedding and thousands of dollars. oh also, her mother was supposed to do the seating chart sign but decided last minute that it would “take up too much of her time”. [/INST] info: who, while at the reception, is going to remember the exact shade of blue on her wedding invitations? </s>
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AITA for yelling at a passenger after he told me to shut up while my baby was crying??
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hi, so this occurred to me yesterday and i wanted to know if what i did was wrong a lot of people don't like traveling with babies, and i thought i could use this place as a partial ground.
months ago i (m37) started saving up so my family and i could go on vacations to mexico. i've only been there one time with my wife on our honeymoon, and we loved it. so we decided to go again, but now we took our kids with us, micha 7yo and jonah 2yo. the thing is, it's the first time jonah travels with us, so we prepared everything to keep him calm on the plane since it was going to be a 6hrs trip. which is not bad but still we didn't want jonah to feel overwhelmed. well, he slept all the 6hrs and woke up when we were at the hotel.
we stayed for 1 week and it was great, my kids liked it. so we are packing and when we arrive at the airport jonah is asleep, we thought he would sleep through the whole thing again, but just 1hr later he starts crying, my wife and i try to keep him calm, and even though it worked, it only did for almost 30mins. he wanted to "walk" but my wife and i tried to entertain him with his fave toys, but he was desperate to move. at this point he starts crying, but louder than the first time. i can see so annoyed faces but none of them made comments. we played for him those baby sensory videos of fruits dancing, and he was distracted for 45 solid minutes; however he lost interest and again wanted to move from where we were, but we didn't let him, so the crying comes back. it was incredibly loud and i could see my wife frustrated and tired. i try again with the sensory videos, toys, and everything i could think of, but nothing worked. then a passenger gets up, i thought he was going to the restroom, though he approached us.
he started reclaiming my wife for "our bad parenting" and demanded we control our baby. my wife annoyed told him that we are trying but he is overwhelmed. we are so sorry for upsetting him but we are trying. he said it wasn't enough, he is tired and wants to sleep but our baby doesn't let him. again, my wife apologizes and at this point, he starts yelling at us. he said stuff like "babies shouldn't be allowed to travel", "we are irresponsible parents", and all kinds of nonsense. i asked him to lower his voice if he doesn't want to scare jonah, but the dude was so mad and started insulting us. i just lose it and yell back at him, which didn't help because jonah was crying at a higher pitch than before.
then the flight attendant came and ask him to go back to his seat firmly. he leaves us alone but i can see a lot of people looking terribly at us. i try to ignore them and focus on my kid. after a couple of minutes, he fells asleep and stayed like that. when we came back home, my wife called me an ah for arguing with the passenger, that i just scared our kid and made things worse.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xc1sbj/aita_for_yelling_at_a_passenger_after_he_told_me/
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2022-09-12 03:12:52
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info: why didn’t one of you take jonah for a walk up and down the plane aisle? i know it’s inconvenient to get a kid out of their seat and later back in it, but it sounds like he really needed to move some, and it would’ve been an easy solution to the issue.
i am a former service dog partner, and on longer flights, i’d take my dog to the restroom and back so both of us could stretch our legs a little bit. he was a big boy, and he’d get stiff/sore from the very cramped position he was stuck in on airplanes.
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esh
your kid wanted you walk. why didn’t you take him for a few trips up and down the aisle?
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esh
he was absolutely terrible.
but your wife was correct. your yelling was unhelpful.
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esh. why couldn’t you let your kid walk around the plane? i have a two year old and i don’t even make him sit through one hour of church, these kids gotta move!
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esh, sorry op but you yelling didn’t help the situation. i get your frustration, but you just added up more stress to your wife and yourself.
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esh
> it's the first time jonah travels with us, so we prepared everything to keep him calm on the plane since **it was going to be a 6hrs trip**.
ffs, my dude, practice new parenting challenges on a smaller scale *first*.
> it was incredibly loud
#yeah.
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yta. there is nothing worse than being trapped next to a screaming baby for hours on a long-haul flight. people aren’t unreasonable, they will give you some time to figure out a working strategy. however, if you don’t find a way to mollify your child and it’s been hours, then you should expect people to express their displeasure. what, you’re allowed to inflict the most unpleasant noise conceivable at loud volume to dozens of people for hours but get self-righteous if they get mad at you? wtf?
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esh and i'm extremely sorry to say it.
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esh - why on earth didn't you walk around with your kid a little bit? 6 hours is an impossibly long time to expect a toddler to sit still.
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> he wanted to "walk" but my wife and i tried to entertain him with his fave toys, but he was desperate to move.
> again wanted to move from where we were, but we didn't let him, so the crying comes back. it was incredibly loud
> everything i could think of, but nothing worked
info: why didn’t you just walk down the aisle with him once or twice and let him stretch his legs a bit?
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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INFO
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, so this occurred to me yesterday and i wanted to know if what i did was wrong a lot of people don't like traveling with babies, and i thought i could use this place as a partial ground. months ago i (m37) started saving up so my family and i could go on vacations to mexico. i've only been there one time with my wife on our honeymoon, and we loved it. so we decided to go again, but now we took our kids with us, micha 7yo and jonah 2yo. the thing is, it's the first time jonah travels with us, so we prepared everything to keep him calm on the plane since it was going to be a 6hrs trip. which is not bad but still we didn't want jonah to feel overwhelmed. well, he slept all the 6hrs and woke up when we were at the hotel. we stayed for 1 week and it was great, my kids liked it. so we are packing and when we arrive at the airport jonah is asleep, we thought he would sleep through the whole thing again, but just 1hr later he starts crying, my wife and i try to keep him calm, and even though it worked, it only did for almost 30mins. he wanted to "walk" but my wife and i tried to entertain him with his fave toys, but he was desperate to move. at this point he starts crying, but louder than the first time. i can see so annoyed faces but none of them made comments. we played for him those baby sensory videos of fruits dancing, and he was distracted for 45 solid minutes; however he lost interest and again wanted to move from where we were, but we didn't let him, so the crying comes back. it was incredibly loud and i could see my wife frustrated and tired. i try again with the sensory videos, toys, and everything i could think of, but nothing worked. then a passenger gets up, i thought he was going to the restroom, though he approached us. he started reclaiming my wife for "our bad parenting" and demanded we control our baby. my wife annoyed told him that we are trying but he is overwhelmed. we are so sorry for upsetting him but we are trying. he said it wasn't enough, he is tired and wants to sleep but our baby doesn't let him. again, my wife apologizes and at this point, he starts yelling at us. he said stuff like "babies shouldn't be allowed to travel", "we are irresponsible parents", and all kinds of nonsense. i asked him to lower his voice if he doesn't want to scare jonah, but the dude was so mad and started insulting us. i just lose it and yell back at him, which didn't help because jonah was crying at a higher pitch than before. then the flight attendant came and ask him to go back to his seat firmly. he leaves us alone but i can see a lot of people looking terribly at us. i try to ignore them and focus on my kid. after a couple of minutes, he fells asleep and stayed like that. when we came back home, my wife called me an ah for arguing with the passenger, that i just scared our kid and made things worse.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, so this occurred to me yesterday and i wanted to know if what i did was wrong a lot of people don't like traveling with babies, and i thought i could use this place as a partial ground. months ago i (m37) started saving up so my family and i could go on vacations to mexico. i've only been there one time with my wife on our honeymoon, and we loved it. so we decided to go again, but now we took our kids with us, micha 7yo and jonah 2yo. the thing is, it's the first time jonah travels with us, so we prepared everything to keep him calm on the plane since it was going to be a 6hrs trip. which is not bad but still we didn't want jonah to feel overwhelmed. well, he slept all the 6hrs and woke up when we were at the hotel. we stayed for 1 week and it was great, my kids liked it. so we are packing and when we arrive at the airport jonah is asleep, we thought he would sleep through the whole thing again, but just 1hr later he starts crying, my wife and i try to keep him calm, and even though it worked, it only did for almost 30mins. he wanted to "walk" but my wife and i tried to entertain him with his fave toys, but he was desperate to move. at this point he starts crying, but louder than the first time. i can see so annoyed faces but none of them made comments. we played for him those baby sensory videos of fruits dancing, and he was distracted for 45 solid minutes; however he lost interest and again wanted to move from where we were, but we didn't let him, so the crying comes back. it was incredibly loud and i could see my wife frustrated and tired. i try again with the sensory videos, toys, and everything i could think of, but nothing worked. then a passenger gets up, i thought he was going to the restroom, though he approached us. he started reclaiming my wife for "our bad parenting" and demanded we control our baby. my wife annoyed told him that we are trying but he is overwhelmed. we are so sorry for upsetting him but we are trying. he said it wasn't enough, he is tired and wants to sleep but our baby doesn't let him. again, my wife apologizes and at this point, he starts yelling at us. he said stuff like "babies shouldn't be allowed to travel", "we are irresponsible parents", and all kinds of nonsense. i asked him to lower his voice if he doesn't want to scare jonah, but the dude was so mad and started insulting us. i just lose it and yell back at him, which didn't help because jonah was crying at a higher pitch than before. then the flight attendant came and ask him to go back to his seat firmly. he leaves us alone but i can see a lot of people looking terribly at us. i try to ignore them and focus on my kid. after a couple of minutes, he fells asleep and stayed like that. when we came back home, my wife called me an ah for arguing with the passenger, that i just scared our kid and made things worse. [/INST] info: why didn’t one of you take jonah for a walk up and down the plane aisle? i know it’s inconvenient to get a kid out of their seat and later back in it, but it sounds like he really needed to move some, and it would’ve been an easy solution to the issue. i am a former service dog partner, and on longer flights, i’d take my dog to the restroom and back so both of us could stretch our legs a little bit. he was a big boy, and he’d get stiff/sore from the very cramped position he was stuck in on airplanes. </s>
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AITA for telling my future SIL that I won’t be attending her childfree wedding causing a lot of my other family members to drop out as well
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my future sil is marrying my brother next summer and they are planning to have a child free wedding. i have about 3 other sisters and we all have kids as do most of my cousins at this point. our family is kinda spread out over the country and my brother/sil’s wedding is out of state for most of us. once i found out they wanted to make it childfree i began to lose interest in going to the wedding. i don’t want to be away from my kids for a couple of days and it is just a hassle to find them living arrangements for when my husband and i are gone - especially since most of our adult family members will be at the wedding. we’d have to leave the kids with some friends. however, i get that it is her wedding and her decision so i just declined to go stating that i don’t want to leave my kids alone without any family to watch them.
after i dropped out, my other sisters got the courage to drop out as well as they also have toddlers they didn’t wan’t to leave behind for a couple of days. then my cousins began declining to come as well. now it has become a huge deal in the family and caused a lot of drama. my brother has called me and yelled at me saying that i was the one who caused all the problems. i was firm when i told him i wasn’t going to his wedding unless i could bring my kids and that all our sisters/cousins pretty much felt the same way. my parents who are paying for half of their wedding are also pissed that so many family members on our side aren’t coming, they were already somewhat against the idea of a childfree wedding in the first place and have now started pressuring sil to not make it childfree. my sil refuses to meet in the middle and says the wedding will remain childfree, but she’s also mad at all of us for not coming. she also still expects my parents to help pay for it, which i doubt they’ll do at this point lol. i’m fine with her having a childfree wedding, i just don’t want to be a part of it if it means being away from my kids for days. aita
| 13,123
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l2n4qe/aita_for_telling_my_future_sil_that_i_wont_be/
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2021-01-22 12:53:35
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yta because you don't seem to know what "meet in the middle" means. she wants her wedding to be child free. you want her wedding to not be child free. you think she won't "meet in the middle" because she's not changing to what you want.
it's super common to have group babysitting at the hotel. all your siblings/cousins can pool resources and get a few people to stay a few hours at the hotel and watch the kids. maybe even have your parents pay for it as part of the wedding fees.
if you don't want to go, don't go...but it doesn't seem like you are trying to actually work something out.
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nta: people are entitled to a child free wedding, but they also have to understand that it's not going to be realistic for most people to leave their kids for days (especially young ones). this should have been an anticipated consequence of a child free wedding. your sil shouldn't have to change her childfree wedding but she also doesn't get to be mad at out of state parents for not coming.
\*edit\* wow. thanks for the awards. who knew common sense was so popular?
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yta for saying “she also still expects my parents to help pay for it which i doubt they’ll do at this point lol.”
lol? if someone was offered financial help for a wedding and then has it yanked from under them and you...lol? obviously you feel morally superior. don’t go to the wedding that doesn’t make you ta but hopefully you can have a little more compassion for the situation as a future sil.
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[removed]
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yta. first of all, you’re not fine with it so stop saying you are - you’re just trying to make yourself feel better.
second, you’ve now orchestrated a full on boycott of her wedding, whether intended or not, and you seem to think it’s funny. that’s cruel. i don’t think this is about the kids. i think you just don’t like her and won’t admit it because it makes you look bad. if you love your brother, you would find a way to be there, period.
i have a hard time believing that there’s no possible way you can group the kids together with a babysitter for a few hours. of course you can, but you don’t want to...
i’d be crushed if i were her, receiving this welcome into the family.
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yta for thinking other people should plan their wedding to suit you. i'm quite sure you made a point of sharing your decision and encouraging every other selfish set of parents in the family to copy you.
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yta it’s your **bother and his wife making the decision** to have a child free wedding which is perfectly fine, but i am guessing there’s a lot of animosity toward your sil here.
you have lots of options regarding baby sitting here but mostly yta for trying to insist you bring your children. respect your brother and his wife. i’m sure the kids would love a few days at friends houses - or bring them and hire babysitters. it’s your brother, this should be important to you. would i be wrong in assuming they got the courage from you to fight over having your kids there?
edit to reflect ops edits:
“i know for a fact it wasn’t my brothers decision as it isn’t the norm in our family “
so, you asked him? i mean even if you did, it’s kind of... inappropriate? here i’m reading you think your brother is placating his soon to be wife but it seems you expect him to placate you and your entire family with wanting children at the wedding. you very clearly think you should be bringing children to the wedding, i don’t see much thought for your brother here.
secondly, well no, why would you need to do whatever these 4 day activities are. you do have a family so it is reasonable not to be able to do everything. but you’re the ah here because you’re trying to get what *you* want out of your *brothers wedding*. why not go yourself, leave husband to take care of the kids and stay for the wedding only. i’m not sure what planet people are living on here but i have never attended a wedding where the newly weds pay for childcare unless you are in the wedding party. they are entirely your responsibility. that doesn’t mean you have to spend a fuck ton to do anything, there are cheaper options that also give and excuse to stay for one day only. nobody can force you to do anything obviously you need to be comfortable with your child’s care but let’s be real - you’re making it difficult and don’t want to attend so you can say “fuck you” to the sister in law.
all of you not going can be considered a consequence of having a child free wedding, but consider the consequence of not attending your brothers wedding because you don’t like the wife. your choice. do this and you might lose your brother too.
all of ops further comments have been deleted. they were foul ie sil is a gold digging hoe. the issue isn’t about the children, it’s about hating the sil.
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yta
be honest, you just dislike her. you could have had the decency to just rsvp no without fuss
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i personally think yta
someone's wedding day is the biggest, most important day of their life, its a one off. i completely understand someone wanting a child free wedding and if you cared for your brother at all, you would make effort to sort something out for this one off, big day.
take the children with you and find a trusted babysitting service in that area, then it will be for a few hours rather than a couple of days.
edit to say thank you for all the upvotes and just to highlight a point everyone is making. just because a wedding isn't a big deal to you personally, does not mean it isnt for other people. its what makes this world such a beautiful place, that everyone is different. i just know id do anything i physically could to make sure i made it to my brothers wedding day, because to me, its a big deal.
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nta. when my kids were babies/toddlers, i would have given anything to get away for a few days, but we were lucky enough to have very willing grandparents on both sides to babysit whenever & for as long as we needed. not everyone has that luxury & not everyone is ok leaving their kids with non-family members for more than a few hours. additionally, it’s not easy for everyone to find overnight childcare for one kid, let alone 2 or more.
all of these people saying y t a are pointing to the fact that it’s their wedding & your brother & future sil are allowed to have the wedding they want. i agree they’re allowed to have the wedding they want, but when did attending child-free weddings become mandatory for invited guests? it’s not unusual to not attend a wedding, if kids aren’t invited. i don’t understand why the y t a crowd is acting like this is a crazy notion.
did your decision to not attend give other family members the courage to do the same? sure. however, it’s not like you encouraged them to do so & it certainly doesn’t make you an asshole.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my future sil is marrying my brother next summer and they are planning to have a child free wedding. i have about 3 other sisters and we all have kids as do most of my cousins at this point. our family is kinda spread out over the country and my brother/sil’s wedding is out of state for most of us. once i found out they wanted to make it childfree i began to lose interest in going to the wedding. i don’t want to be away from my kids for a couple of days and it is just a hassle to find them living arrangements for when my husband and i are gone - especially since most of our adult family members will be at the wedding. we’d have to leave the kids with some friends. however, i get that it is her wedding and her decision so i just declined to go stating that i don’t want to leave my kids alone without any family to watch them. after i dropped out, my other sisters got the courage to drop out as well as they also have toddlers they didn’t wan’t to leave behind for a couple of days. then my cousins began declining to come as well. now it has become a huge deal in the family and caused a lot of drama. my brother has called me and yelled at me saying that i was the one who caused all the problems. i was firm when i told him i wasn’t going to his wedding unless i could bring my kids and that all our sisters/cousins pretty much felt the same way. my parents who are paying for half of their wedding are also pissed that so many family members on our side aren’t coming, they were already somewhat against the idea of a childfree wedding in the first place and have now started pressuring sil to not make it childfree. my sil refuses to meet in the middle and says the wedding will remain childfree, but she’s also mad at all of us for not coming. she also still expects my parents to help pay for it, which i doubt they’ll do at this point lol. i’m fine with her having a childfree wedding, i just don’t want to be a part of it if it means being away from my kids for days. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my future sil is marrying my brother next summer and they are planning to have a child free wedding. i have about 3 other sisters and we all have kids as do most of my cousins at this point. our family is kinda spread out over the country and my brother/sil’s wedding is out of state for most of us. once i found out they wanted to make it childfree i began to lose interest in going to the wedding. i don’t want to be away from my kids for a couple of days and it is just a hassle to find them living arrangements for when my husband and i are gone - especially since most of our adult family members will be at the wedding. we’d have to leave the kids with some friends. however, i get that it is her wedding and her decision so i just declined to go stating that i don’t want to leave my kids alone without any family to watch them. after i dropped out, my other sisters got the courage to drop out as well as they also have toddlers they didn’t wan’t to leave behind for a couple of days. then my cousins began declining to come as well. now it has become a huge deal in the family and caused a lot of drama. my brother has called me and yelled at me saying that i was the one who caused all the problems. i was firm when i told him i wasn’t going to his wedding unless i could bring my kids and that all our sisters/cousins pretty much felt the same way. my parents who are paying for half of their wedding are also pissed that so many family members on our side aren’t coming, they were already somewhat against the idea of a childfree wedding in the first place and have now started pressuring sil to not make it childfree. my sil refuses to meet in the middle and says the wedding will remain childfree, but she’s also mad at all of us for not coming. she also still expects my parents to help pay for it, which i doubt they’ll do at this point lol. i’m fine with her having a childfree wedding, i just don’t want to be a part of it if it means being away from my kids for days. aita [/INST] yta because you don't seem to know what "meet in the middle" means. she wants her wedding to be child free. you want her wedding to not be child free. you think she won't "meet in the middle" because she's not changing to what you want. it's super common to have group babysitting at the hotel. all your siblings/cousins can pool resources and get a few people to stay a few hours at the hotel and watch the kids. maybe even have your parents pay for it as part of the wedding fees. if you don't want to go, don't go...but it doesn't seem like you are trying to actually work something out. </s>
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AITA for the telling my ex that she doesn't deserve to have a child after her actions towards our son?
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my ex and i had a kid together. she never liked the idea of biological children, believing that her dna was "wrong" and would produce only monsters (family history). when we were married and floating children, she wanted to do an egg donor. we had an accidental pregnancy and found out too late to consider abortion. she was on edge the entire time, flipping between wanting an abortion anyway and wanting testing that was inappropriate for maternal age.
our son was born with down syndrome, and is severely autistic. the problems started immediately. when he was brought to her after birth, she started screaming in horror and was so off the charts that she needed a 72 hour hold. i took to parenting, she...did not. she had postpartum depression on steroids, with a side of hatred, both for herself and life. she went in the psych ward five times in the remainder of our marriage. his diagnosis of severe autism was the end.
when we divorced, she not only forfeited custody, but signed away her parental rights. her only right is to pay child support. she dressed it up in court record, but told me afterwards that she wanted to move on from her "sin", it was fine that she is leaving because trying to love him is a wasted effort, and that if cps came knocking for her to take the boy, she'd make sure she never passed a drug test.
she pays max child support, which only covers therapy and maybe a few items of clothing a month. i've heard through the grapevine five years on that she's married someone, and adopted his young daughter. a friend of hers is apparently dying, understands why she abandoned our son, and wants a steady caregiver for his daughter when he goes.
she's been able to reduce her support to only $750 from $1100 as she now "has another child" to support. her new job pays much less, and it's a lower col area so jobs pay less. i fought the decrease in court and lost. it's horrible. i'm really feeling the financial strain. our son hasn't had much improvement, and i can't give more therapy with this massive income cut.
i directly contacted my ex to plead our son's case to her, and after she said that she couldn't afford it and she was only a parent in legal child support duties only, i went off saying that she in no way even deserves a "fresh" child. aita here?
| 1,831
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dy0jn4/aita_for_the_telling_my_ex_that_she_doesnt/
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2019-11-18 08:37:17
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nah
it sounds like she had a traumatic childhood if she considers herself damaged and she sounds mentally ill rather than bad.
even without all this baggage a lot of people would struggle with a child with both autism and downs syndrome.
that said you are also in a shit situation trying to do the best for your child with no end in sight.
i think it's going to be a case of accepting people's limitations. your ex isn't going to change now.
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yta for saying that. there's some real crazy shit in what you said. it seems like she had overwhelming fears of having a disabled child and you(?) blocked her desire for prenatal testing, and really need some more info on the initial abortion situation- you said it was to late to consider, but she was considering, so??
now you are upset you are in a solo parenting situation and trying to force her to live her life solely to support yours. bed made, dude, bed made. yeah, she should have been more careful to prevent in the first place, but that's not what you were asking about.
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yta. very gently yta. she didn’t want to have biological children in the first place. she straight up told you she wanted tests done and you didn’t let her. she knew she couldn’t handle being part of his life so she left. now she has a chance to actually raise a child on her own terms. you can’t be an asshole to her for not being able to deal with something you can.
i know for a dam fact that i couldn’t handle having a down syndrome child either and had tests done myself. big props to people who can but it’s not for me (or my husband) and clearly not for her.
so yes you’re the asshole. sadly. you wouldn’t have been if you didn’t make such a nasty comment to her man.
good luck with your little one and all the best.
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yta. what your wife went through is my worst nightmare, and my reaction to that situation would probably be 100% the same as hers. just because someone isn't able to cope with having a severely autistic kid with downs syndrome doesn't mean they don't deserve to be a parent.
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it’s very clear your ex has very serious issues stemming from her childhood and upbringing. she made it clear she didn’t want kids but there was an accident. it’s not like she just decided suddenly she wanted to have a child and then regretted it. she had her mind made up and she should get credit for that. she knew she wasn’t fit at the time to be a mom.
i think your ex has probably been going through some major therapy and treatment to help with her issues. and, that’s probably why she’s willing to adopt her dying friend’s child. i know you think you’re entitled to more $ but she signed her parental rights away and she’s now supporting another child as well. it’s clear your son’s disability is still a struggle for her. she probably feels like she inflicted that on him by having him. there seems to be a lot of trauma.
you asked her to think of her child. she doesn’t have to. she has to pay what the court says she does, and that’s it. tbh, i didn’t even know parents had to put child support still even if they give up all parental rights. there are reasons available for your son. find them and utilize them.
a gentle yta. your ex isn’t doing anything wrong, technically. she’s following the child support orders and is trying to live her life.
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yta.
what you are going through is horrible but the way you are taking it out on your ex is unacceptable.
she wasn't able to have your son on her terms, and it does sound like you were quite controlling over her pregnancy.
after birth her mental health took a huge downturn. she should not be shamed for taking steps to separate herself from the situation that was causing it. even if it's incredibly sad that she was unable to be there emotionally for your son.
she has paid the max child support for years (be grateful for this, many single parents have to fight for years to get even minimum child support payments).
the fact that you put her other child in quote marks is extreme petty and invalidates both the child and her relationship with it.
and regardless of your feelings you do not get to dictate how she lives her life now. just as if you had another kid she would have no right to object.
i'm sorry for what you're going through but the way you are handling the situation with your ex makes yta.
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yta.
1. you didn't let her get tests done
2. you prioritize your child over hers, while you agreed on this arrangement
3. it seems to me you want to force her into co-parenting financially
4. she is strugling herself and you lack common sense in this situation
to add to this, i am sorry op, but you basically made your bed and she could've lost her job any second, too and you'd be in the very same situation financially.
you agreed to raise this child, you made her go through her worst fears, what for? i demand some information on the pregnancy. why didn't you let her test?
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[deleted]
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info - you said it was too late for an abortion but she was considering one anyway. how far along was she when you guys found out she was pregnant?
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yta - she was terrified of having a disabled child (a legitimate fear for many) and you brushed it off to the side? for what? and now that she's finally able to have a normal kid that isn't biologically her own you decide to crap on it? yta
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
| 0.041117
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex and i had a kid together. she never liked the idea of biological children, believing that her dna was "wrong" and would produce only monsters (family history). when we were married and floating children, she wanted to do an egg donor. we had an accidental pregnancy and found out too late to consider abortion. she was on edge the entire time, flipping between wanting an abortion anyway and wanting testing that was inappropriate for maternal age. our son was born with down syndrome, and is severely autistic. the problems started immediately. when he was brought to her after birth, she started screaming in horror and was so off the charts that she needed a 72 hour hold. i took to parenting, she...did not. she had postpartum depression on steroids, with a side of hatred, both for herself and life. she went in the psych ward five times in the remainder of our marriage. his diagnosis of severe autism was the end. when we divorced, she not only forfeited custody, but signed away her parental rights. her only right is to pay child support. she dressed it up in court record, but told me afterwards that she wanted to move on from her "sin", it was fine that she is leaving because trying to love him is a wasted effort, and that if cps came knocking for her to take the boy, she'd make sure she never passed a drug test. she pays max child support, which only covers therapy and maybe a few items of clothing a month. i've heard through the grapevine five years on that she's married someone, and adopted his young daughter. a friend of hers is apparently dying, understands why she abandoned our son, and wants a steady caregiver for his daughter when he goes. she's been able to reduce her support to only $750 from $1100 as she now "has another child" to support. her new job pays much less, and it's a lower col area so jobs pay less. i fought the decrease in court and lost. it's horrible. i'm really feeling the financial strain. our son hasn't had much improvement, and i can't give more therapy with this massive income cut. i directly contacted my ex to plead our son's case to her, and after she said that she couldn't afford it and she was only a parent in legal child support duties only, i went off saying that she in no way even deserves a "fresh" child. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i had a kid together. she never liked the idea of biological children, believing that her dna was "wrong" and would produce only monsters (family history). when we were married and floating children, she wanted to do an egg donor. we had an accidental pregnancy and found out too late to consider abortion. she was on edge the entire time, flipping between wanting an abortion anyway and wanting testing that was inappropriate for maternal age. our son was born with down syndrome, and is severely autistic. the problems started immediately. when he was brought to her after birth, she started screaming in horror and was so off the charts that she needed a 72 hour hold. i took to parenting, she...did not. she had postpartum depression on steroids, with a side of hatred, both for herself and life. she went in the psych ward five times in the remainder of our marriage. his diagnosis of severe autism was the end. when we divorced, she not only forfeited custody, but signed away her parental rights. her only right is to pay child support. she dressed it up in court record, but told me afterwards that she wanted to move on from her "sin", it was fine that she is leaving because trying to love him is a wasted effort, and that if cps came knocking for her to take the boy, she'd make sure she never passed a drug test. she pays max child support, which only covers therapy and maybe a few items of clothing a month. i've heard through the grapevine five years on that she's married someone, and adopted his young daughter. a friend of hers is apparently dying, understands why she abandoned our son, and wants a steady caregiver for his daughter when he goes. she's been able to reduce her support to only $750 from $1100 as she now "has another child" to support. her new job pays much less, and it's a lower col area so jobs pay less. i fought the decrease in court and lost. it's horrible. i'm really feeling the financial strain. our son hasn't had much improvement, and i can't give more therapy with this massive income cut. i directly contacted my ex to plead our son's case to her, and after she said that she couldn't afford it and she was only a parent in legal child support duties only, i went off saying that she in no way even deserves a "fresh" child. aita here? [/INST] nah it sounds like she had a traumatic childhood if she considers herself damaged and she sounds mentally ill rather than bad. even without all this baggage a lot of people would struggle with a child with both autism and downs syndrome. that said you are also in a shit situation trying to do the best for your child with no end in sight. i think it's going to be a case of accepting people's limitations. your ex isn't going to change now. </s>
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AITA for uninviting my transgender sister to my wedding?
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some background: i have a trans sister came out to us around a year ago but had been on hormones for longer and hid it from us until she had moved out into her own place, probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic. as a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including our parents) cut her off and don't talk to her anymore.
i like to think i've been pretty supportive of her so far, using her pronouns and her name and all that (which has been hard, considering our fam gives me shit for doing so). i even make it a point to visit her every so often, while she hasn't seen most of our other family since last year. i also promised her that, if and when i got married in the future, she'd still be invited despite any tension with our family.
me and my fiancé got engaged a while back. my parents (especially my dad) absolutely adore this guy, and since my sister came out, they've almost seen him as the substitute son. almost as a result, he's definitely more on their side of the situation, and he's made it clear he doesn't really agree with, or like, my sister all that much.
after the proposal (which was very elaborate and surprising and orchestrated by my parents), my parents, who are wedding planners, started talking with me about planning the big day and even offered to pay for everything. i mentioned wanting to invite my sister, and they shut the idea down immediately, talking about how she disrespected the family and cut them off and all that. they basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there and they don't come at all.
i took my parents' offer, because i can't really afford to pay for an entire wedding and because my fiancé pressured me to accept it. i broke the news to my sister, and she's very understandably upset, but i'm still inviting her to a smaller afterparty over zoom so we can still be together on the big day. i still feel really guilty about this, though, so, reddit, aita?
| 14,549
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rqiv9y/aita_for_uninviting_my_transgender_sister_to_my/
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2021-12-28 15:54:19
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yta why marry a transphobic guy
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if it were me, i'd diy the whole thing to spite them. assholes like that don't need enabling.
in ten years, what are you going to remember more - that you had nice centerpieces paid for by your parents, or your sister was banned from the wedding?
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yta. "i'd like to think i'm very supportive of her". you aren't, you turned her away in favor of your toxic parents who are also ahs for some money.
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yta - either you support your sister or you don’t. using her pronouns and “even visiting her every so often” (what a saint! /s) isn’t the incredible work you think it is. it’s truly the bare minimum. and with your parents giving you a check with strings shows that you can be bought off.
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yta. how can you be okay with marrying somebody who is a bigot? is it because it doesn’t inconvenience you? do you feel anything about shunning your sister for mommy’s and daddy’s money?
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yta --- your edit....... why post this if the thought of losing your parents money and love means more than losing your sister. whether or not yta doesn't even matter. you made your choice.
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[deleted]
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yta. it kinda goes further than the wedding thing tbh, if your parents disowned your sister for coming out and you still want to be supportive of her, it’s kinda weird that you’re okay with the man you’re marrying siding with the parents?
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yta. so is your fiancé. so is your family. your fiancé has made it clear he doesn’t like your sister and is okay with being a “substitute son”? he’s not a substitute son. he’s a replacement child because your family is outcasting your sister.
if you really loved and supported your sister, you wouldn’t tolerate this kind of behavior from the one you’re supposed to marry nevermind your family. people can’t choose family but you’re willingly and knowingly bringing in this person to hurt your sister more. and going back on your promise (which i’m sure meant a lot and felt like a big stand to her) as you celebrate bringing in that person just to compound all of it. but hey she can hop on zoom to see y’all having the extravagant fun your parents bribed you to exclude her with. salt in the wounds.
don’t have what you can’t afford. is your “dream wedding” a big monetary day surrounded by whoever benefits you or a special and sentimental day surrounded by *everyone* you love? if going back on your promise and finalizing the wedge between your sister and your family is worth an 8 hour rental fondue fountain then, by all means.
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perhaps ironically, given jk rowling’s rather questionable position on transgender people, i am reminded of two dumbledore quotes:
> i takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends
> there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.
i can empathize the difficult position you may be in, but anybody can be supportive when there is no cost to them. yta for not being supportive when it actually matters.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some background: i have a trans sister came out to us around a year ago but had been on hormones for longer and hid it from us until she had moved out into her own place, probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic. as a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including our parents) cut her off and don't talk to her anymore. i like to think i've been pretty supportive of her so far, using her pronouns and her name and all that (which has been hard, considering our fam gives me shit for doing so). i even make it a point to visit her every so often, while she hasn't seen most of our other family since last year. i also promised her that, if and when i got married in the future, she'd still be invited despite any tension with our family. me and my fiancé got engaged a while back. my parents (especially my dad) absolutely adore this guy, and since my sister came out, they've almost seen him as the substitute son. almost as a result, he's definitely more on their side of the situation, and he's made it clear he doesn't really agree with, or like, my sister all that much. after the proposal (which was very elaborate and surprising and orchestrated by my parents), my parents, who are wedding planners, started talking with me about planning the big day and even offered to pay for everything. i mentioned wanting to invite my sister, and they shut the idea down immediately, talking about how she disrespected the family and cut them off and all that. they basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there and they don't come at all. i took my parents' offer, because i can't really afford to pay for an entire wedding and because my fiancé pressured me to accept it. i broke the news to my sister, and she's very understandably upset, but i'm still inviting her to a smaller afterparty over zoom so we can still be together on the big day. i still feel really guilty about this, though, so, reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some background: i have a trans sister came out to us around a year ago but had been on hormones for longer and hid it from us until she had moved out into her own place, probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic. as a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including our parents) cut her off and don't talk to her anymore. i like to think i've been pretty supportive of her so far, using her pronouns and her name and all that (which has been hard, considering our fam gives me shit for doing so). i even make it a point to visit her every so often, while she hasn't seen most of our other family since last year. i also promised her that, if and when i got married in the future, she'd still be invited despite any tension with our family. me and my fiancé got engaged a while back. my parents (especially my dad) absolutely adore this guy, and since my sister came out, they've almost seen him as the substitute son. almost as a result, he's definitely more on their side of the situation, and he's made it clear he doesn't really agree with, or like, my sister all that much. after the proposal (which was very elaborate and surprising and orchestrated by my parents), my parents, who are wedding planners, started talking with me about planning the big day and even offered to pay for everything. i mentioned wanting to invite my sister, and they shut the idea down immediately, talking about how she disrespected the family and cut them off and all that. they basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there and they don't come at all. i took my parents' offer, because i can't really afford to pay for an entire wedding and because my fiancé pressured me to accept it. i broke the news to my sister, and she's very understandably upset, but i'm still inviting her to a smaller afterparty over zoom so we can still be together on the big day. i still feel really guilty about this, though, so, reddit, aita? [/INST] yta why marry a transphobic guy </s>
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AITA for not lying to my husband's family about my career.
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my husband and his family are not close. i only met them after we got engaged. we have only visited them once before the pandemic. they seem nice but my husband doesn't like to spend time with them at all.
we visited them last week, before we left. he told me that he had lied to his parents about my career. he told them that i am an accountant. i'm not. i work in finance and have a m.s in physics. i have worked incredibly hard for my career. i told him i was uncomfortable with lying and he dropped it.
the visit went well and they did ask me about my career and i did explain briefly what i did for a living. it didn't seem like a big deal.
my husband said he understood he was asking for a lot but he wished i had just trusted him with this. he is really cagey about why he wanted me to lie.
i feel like an asshole because his parents have been calling him a lot. he is very upset after talking to them and because he would have done this for me if i had asked something similar.
| 648
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9rymg/aita_for_not_lying_to_my_husbands_family_about_my/
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2021-10-17 04:47:04
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info: has some kind of bomb dropped yet? money grubbing? bigotry? cold shoulders? because right now, it seems like he's doing this for no reason.
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>i work in finance and have a m.s in physics.
i don't know the relevance of the physics degree but "work in finance" sounds a lot like "accountant" to a lot of people. maybe he's just keeping things simple.
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nta, like (i know this sounds crappy) i’d understand if you were like..a stripper and he wanted you to lie saying you’re an accountant but he wanted you to dumb down your career..? why?(im an accountant so i’m insulting my own profession😂)
that just makes no sense and i’d love to know why he wanted to lie!
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nta - that's super, super weird. you should really try to find out why he wanted you to lie. you're in no way the asshole but it's red flag for...something.
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nta, but i really want to know why you had to be an accountant and having an m.s in physics is so horrific?
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>he told me that he had lied to his parents about my career. he told them that i am an accountant.
info why? i could understand it, if at least he had a contact to them. but why did he say it while being lc/nc, what was his explanation?
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nta but maybe his family is, and maybe he tried to protect you from them, even so, the situation is a bit strange and you should ask your husband for an explanation.
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is he afraid they'll try to rope you into shady financial deals, get free investment advice, are they criminals or something? why are you supposed to trust your husband with this very suspicious ask?
you should be informed of the situation. this is not something to keep secret. nta
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nta.
theory time: his family are ardent communists and could accept an accountant but not a quant working for a hyper-leveraged fund.
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sorry, yta.
your husband is low-contact with his family and doesn't want to share details about your lives. feels like either (a) your husband is a reasonable human being, and you're an ah for not being willing to back him up, or (b) your husband is an insane person, and you're both ahs for getting married while lacking really basic information about the other.
i'm voting that you're the ah, however, because the common denominator here is that you didn't trust your husband's wishes on how to engage with his family, which is true regardless of what the underlying reason was.
your "they seem nice" smacks of someone who has difficulty understanding that it's possible for family members to be abusive, narcissistic, or insane, while also seeming like fine upstanding people to strangers.
the fact that his phone is blowing up implies that, yeah, this is something that actually mattered, and your desire to engage with his family caused this.
it's hard to say *why*, of course. they (or secretly, he) are sexist and your job triggers them somehow? they're grifters and mentioning finance causes them to perk up? they're fundamentalist christians and it's the physics part that triggers them?
who knows? all we can really get out of your story is that your husband seems ashamed/embarrassed by whatever the reason is, which could cover a wide range of backstories. but the part we do know is that they're his family, and if you didn't want to follow his lead in how to engage with them, the better option would have been to just not engage with them at all.
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.135296
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and his family are not close. i only met them after we got engaged. we have only visited them once before the pandemic. they seem nice but my husband doesn't like to spend time with them at all. we visited them last week, before we left. he told me that he had lied to his parents about my career. he told them that i am an accountant. i'm not. i work in finance and have a m.s in physics. i have worked incredibly hard for my career. i told him i was uncomfortable with lying and he dropped it. the visit went well and they did ask me about my career and i did explain briefly what i did for a living. it didn't seem like a big deal. my husband said he understood he was asking for a lot but he wished i had just trusted him with this. he is really cagey about why he wanted me to lie. i feel like an asshole because his parents have been calling him a lot. he is very upset after talking to them and because he would have done this for me if i had asked something similar.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and his family are not close. i only met them after we got engaged. we have only visited them once before the pandemic. they seem nice but my husband doesn't like to spend time with them at all. we visited them last week, before we left. he told me that he had lied to his parents about my career. he told them that i am an accountant. i'm not. i work in finance and have a m.s in physics. i have worked incredibly hard for my career. i told him i was uncomfortable with lying and he dropped it. the visit went well and they did ask me about my career and i did explain briefly what i did for a living. it didn't seem like a big deal. my husband said he understood he was asking for a lot but he wished i had just trusted him with this. he is really cagey about why he wanted me to lie. i feel like an asshole because his parents have been calling him a lot. he is very upset after talking to them and because he would have done this for me if i had asked something similar. [/INST] info: has some kind of bomb dropped yet? money grubbing? bigotry? cold shoulders? because right now, it seems like he's doing this for no reason. </s>
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AITA for not letting my dad taste my steak?
|
am i the asshole for not letting my dad taste my steak?
we were at the restaurant at he ordered fish and i ordered steak. once i was half-way done with my steak, he asked if he could get a bite.
i refused, saying that in a restaurant, passing food to others is considered rude and impolite and i told him that he should order the steak next time we come by.
he then started this whole debate about how "we won't go on vacation now because you did that", "i hope you enjoy having your own room (we're in a hotel) because it won't last long" etc..
am i the asshole? i honestly feel like i was in the right to deny my dad a bite.
| 459
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w73sli/aita_for_not_letting_my_dad_taste_my_steak/
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2022-07-24 19:33:07
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info: who paid for dinner?
it's not weird, rude, or even unusual to give a tablemate a bite off your plate at a restaurant. my family has always done this at any restaurant that does individual orders -- unless the dish is very small we always offer each other a taste of what we're having. you're not necessarily ta for refusing, but your stated justification is way off base.
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esh, dude. even if you paid, it’s a literal bite of food. also, at least where i live, it’s not seen as rude at all. that being said, father overreacted.
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nta
your food is your food.
however, it isn’t rude, or weird or inappropriate to share or taste other people at your tables food.
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yta. passing food is not impolite.
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yta.
it's very common for people that are close (family, friends, even co-workers) to be curious of how other plates taste, and ask for a bite. this is done in restaurants, and it's not impolite. i''ve never refused someone curious of how my plate tasted, also i was never refused when i asked.
this would be weird if he just takes food from your plate without asking (not the case), or if you didn't have a close relationship (again not the case, he's your dad).
however, if this really bothers you so badly (hygiene, him using his fork/knife in your food), one thing you can do is cut a bite yourself and put it in his plate.
|
esh
it doesn't matter who paid. it is considered quite \*normal\* and not rude for someone to give a taste of their food to another person. it is generally done in a discreet manner - a small piece is cut off and then generally put on the other person's plates.
in my circles it is routinely offered - would you like to try my dish when one is with family or close friends.
people do this at very fine expensive restaurants because people want to taste as much as possible.
however your father overreacted.
|
yta - passing food to others is not considered rude and impolite. you could have just said you didn't want to share. info: who was paying for this meal? by his response it sounds like he was, along with your accommodation.
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yta. i feel like being snappish to your dad in public for something very common place is rude asshole thing to do.
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yta. it was just a bite. he didn't want a whole steak. you thinking it's rude is just a thing you made up. no one else cares if people share a bite of food. just makes you sound really selfish honestly.
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i’ve been working in restaurants all over for 20years, sharing food, or tasting one anothers plate is not considered rude or impolite in any way. if you want to deny him a taste, then just say no
|
INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.127033
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: am i the asshole for not letting my dad taste my steak? we were at the restaurant at he ordered fish and i ordered steak. once i was half-way done with my steak, he asked if he could get a bite. i refused, saying that in a restaurant, passing food to others is considered rude and impolite and i told him that he should order the steak next time we come by. he then started this whole debate about how "we won't go on vacation now because you did that", "i hope you enjoy having your own room (we're in a hotel) because it won't last long" etc.. am i the asshole? i honestly feel like i was in the right to deny my dad a bite.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
am i the asshole for not letting my dad taste my steak? we were at the restaurant at he ordered fish and i ordered steak. once i was half-way done with my steak, he asked if he could get a bite. i refused, saying that in a restaurant, passing food to others is considered rude and impolite and i told him that he should order the steak next time we come by. he then started this whole debate about how "we won't go on vacation now because you did that", "i hope you enjoy having your own room (we're in a hotel) because it won't last long" etc.. am i the asshole? i honestly feel like i was in the right to deny my dad a bite. [/INST] info: who paid for dinner? it's not weird, rude, or even unusual to give a tablemate a bite off your plate at a restaurant. my family has always done this at any restaurant that does individual orders -- unless the dish is very small we always offer each other a taste of what we're having. you're not necessarily ta for refusing, but your stated justification is way off base. </s>
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AITA for refusing to participate in my biological grandmother’s wedding if my step-sister does a eulogy?
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**funeral not wedding, my brain blanked**
my step-sister, who i’ll call “lilith”, has been treated like royalty ever since my mom married her dad. her mother died when she was 9, which is very sad and not something i hold against her, but she’s now 21 and her mother’s death is still used as an excuse for her behavior and the blatant favoritism is aggravating.
i’m caught underaged drinking? i get grounded for three months. she’s caught underaged drinking? she gets therapy. i get bad grades? i should have tried harder. she gets bad grades? just a symptom of her trauma. i make a mild joke about her when she’s not even there? i’m a bully. she curses and screams at me? i’m told to be nicer to my “sister”. my own biological mother and even my older brothers always prioritize her over me and i’m treated as “lesser than” to compensate for her losing a parent.
my grandmother passed a week ago and my family is planning the funeral. we have a text chain to decide on details, and lilith offered to do the eulogy for my mother’s branch of the family. i’m named after my grandmother and was fairly close with her, so i always thought i would do it. so after lilith offered, i let everyone know i’d rather do it and explained very vulnerably in a whole paragraph why i wanted to do the eulogy for my grandmother.
my mom and brothers vote for her, of course, and say instead i can do one of the bible readings at the funeral. but i refuse and tell them if i can’t do the eulogy, i don’t want any part in the funeral. my whole life, lilith takes things away from me, and now she’s even taking my grief away from me. she *has* living grandmothers, but that doesn’t matter and i need to give another thing up because lilith’s grief comes first. my family is saying i’m petty, but i’m just so sick and tired of being a third class citizen. aita?
| 2,658
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wud2uu/aita_for_refusing_to_participate_in_my_biological/
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2022-08-21 23:05:10
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esh. more than one person can give a eulogy.
i don’t know how old you are, but if you are an adult, don’t go and say goodbye to your grandmother in your own way.
and remember, there is the family you are raised by and the family you choose. you get to make your own family when your an adult, with all kinds of different people. you’re not obligated stick with the one you initially got.
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nta sorry for your loss. if i were you, i’d start distancing myself and go no contact from my family. you are the family whipping post, and why continue to torture yourself by always being blown off. and lmao at naming her “lilith“
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how about giving the eulogy you want instead of (or in addition to) reading the bible verse? read the verse, and then say, "i loved my grandmother so much that i have a few additional words i'd like to say." it's pretty unlikely they'll stop you in the moment because they don't want to look petty to other people.
you'd get to say what you wanted, and if they complain later on, you can say "why are you angry at me for saying how wonderful my grandmother was?"
|
if i were you, i wouldn’t even go anymore, honor your grandmother in your way.
*"my family is saying i’m petty, but i’m just so sick and tired of being a third class citizen."*
they think you're "petty"?..... give them petty, "fight back hard".
cut contact and any time they call, tell them to call lilith, they need something....tell them to ask lilith. they want "family time", tell them they have made it clear that you are not part of it.
tell them everything you have "always" wanted to say, do not hold back, if they cry.....tough luck, if they get upset.....tough luck.
if they start the "lilith lost her mom" excuse, tell them that you did too and you lost your brother, in fact, you lost your entire family.
please cut contact (or at least take a break from them) and focus on yourself, surround yourself with people who truly love you and care about you, with people who you can count on.
nta.
|
yta.
it's fascinating how the way you worded the story makes you look like you aren't ta, but your comments elsewhere on this thread paint a very different story...
here's some tough love from a stranger. i don't think you understand that losing a parent at 9 is really that traumatising. i lost a parent when i was much older than that, though still quite young, and the trauma is/was so long lasting and all-consuming i guarantee whatever "favouritism" she got didn't even come close to making up for it. no, losing a grandparent or arguing with your entire family is not the same.
stop clinging to whatever you can to create the narrative that her existence is opressing you. being your grandmother's carer meant lillith was closer to her than you. that's just a fact. you are not being discriminated against for having a job that prevented you from caring for her. that's a bizarre thing for a 26 year old to believe. lillith being paid for it doesn't matter. think about it. she still spent all that time with your grandmother. she still took care of personal needs that nobody else did.
your grandmother accepted lillith as a granddaughter because she doesn't have her head up her ass the way you do, with your incessant talking about blood relations. you sound immature and unreasonable from the comments you're making up and down this thread, and your family undoubtedly knows you are this way, and knows better than to listen to your prejudiced, petty demands.
reddit users are addicted to telling people their families are narcissists, but you sound like the real narcissist here.
|
you have commented that you not only want to do a eulogy, but you also don't want her doing one. your reasons appear to be that she's only known your grandmother since she was 12 as well as your personal issues with her. i honestly think that this is malicious on your part, so i'm going with esh.
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nta. i’m sorry you didn’t get a good mother. she has clearly shown favoritism to your stepsister. honestly, in your place, i wouldn’t even go to the funeral. funerals are for the living. your grandmother will get nothing from you being there. they have more or less cut you out of the family. find a happy life without them.
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you’re five years older than lilith- why are you still in such competition with her?! of course people have different expectations for the older adult sibling than the teen, and parents often change how they punish behavior over time. this backstory honestly puts you in a bad light as an unreliable reporter.
for the issue at hand, your family has decided that to have one family representative give the eulogy, and they have chosen lilith over you. i understand this is upsetting. however, you are rejecting every other suggestion including the bible reading or multiple eulogies because you claim lilith doesn’t belong. your mother considers her a daughter. your siblings consider her a sister. you don’t have to consider her your sister, but you don’t get to decide for everyone else that she’s not family. and your insistence that you won’t attend because her very inclusion is illegitimate is gross. i get that you have years of resentment here and i’m sorry this is casting another shadow on your grief. however, your proposed boycott is inappropriate. y w n b t a for skipping the funeral because it’s too much for you. y w n b t a for wanting to mourn in your own way, or for not wanting to be around people who make you uncomfortable. but using your grandmothers funeral to take a stand on who is family - that’s really just gross, and yta for thinking your related blood makes you superior. make your own private stand but don’t make a public scene or family squabble out of a funeral. and honestly, it’s possible that your family has designated lilith not as a slight on you but because she too loved your grandmother / she is an excellent speaker / she is likely to share inclusive anecdotes or tell a good story / she will collaborate with others on a memorial speech / she does not come across as hostile or likely to throw jabs.
|
this is a lot to unpack and there's not enough info on past issues. in regards to the current issue, op, even if lilith was paid to take care of your grandmother and spent less time with her than you, it doesn't make you more entitled to the eulogy and it doesn't mean that lilith couldn't have become close to your grandmother. many elderly people actually grow very close to their caregivers despite the short time period because their caregivers are the ones around.
you mentioned that you were "fairly close" to your grandmother and she changed your diaper, tucked you in, and was there since you were born but did you continue to remain fairly close, clean her up, tuck her in, and watch over her until she passed? do you see the hypocrisy now? and you mention that lilith has her biological grandmas still. that your grandmother did certain things for you doesn't mean that you are closer to her than your stepsister. blood doesn't define everything and you need to understand and accept this.
next, i think you're so clouded by grief and bitterness that you're failing to see where your priorities and ultimatums should lie. if your grandmother truly means as much to you as you're trying to describe, then you would be attending that funeral come hell or high water. but instead your focus is who is getting the right to give the eulogy between you and lilith. that's quite odd. and you also mention in a response that you wouldn't like both of you giving a eulogy if it became an option. you don't want lilith to speak period. now all of that combined with your ultimatum for not being able to give the eulogy is not attending the funeral? idk about anyone else op but this is starting to sound more like a you problem than anything else.
if your grandmother truly means so much to you, you would attend that funeral to honor and grieve her. you shouldn't care who speaks at her funeral as long as they are speaking with love and affection in memory of her. and your ultimatum to your family would've been along the lines of: "if you don't let me give my eulogy to honor my grandmother, don't consider me family anymore once that funeral is over." but as of right now op, you sound like a bitter person who is just making this funeral about you. yta.
|
info:
- how old are you?
- did your family give you any reasons for why your sis should do it over you?
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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YTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
| 0.781736
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: **funeral not wedding, my brain blanked** my step-sister, who i’ll call “lilith”, has been treated like royalty ever since my mom married her dad. her mother died when she was 9, which is very sad and not something i hold against her, but she’s now 21 and her mother’s death is still used as an excuse for her behavior and the blatant favoritism is aggravating. i’m caught underaged drinking? i get grounded for three months. she’s caught underaged drinking? she gets therapy. i get bad grades? i should have tried harder. she gets bad grades? just a symptom of her trauma. i make a mild joke about her when she’s not even there? i’m a bully. she curses and screams at me? i’m told to be nicer to my “sister”. my own biological mother and even my older brothers always prioritize her over me and i’m treated as “lesser than” to compensate for her losing a parent. my grandmother passed a week ago and my family is planning the funeral. we have a text chain to decide on details, and lilith offered to do the eulogy for my mother’s branch of the family. i’m named after my grandmother and was fairly close with her, so i always thought i would do it. so after lilith offered, i let everyone know i’d rather do it and explained very vulnerably in a whole paragraph why i wanted to do the eulogy for my grandmother. my mom and brothers vote for her, of course, and say instead i can do one of the bible readings at the funeral. but i refuse and tell them if i can’t do the eulogy, i don’t want any part in the funeral. my whole life, lilith takes things away from me, and now she’s even taking my grief away from me. she *has* living grandmothers, but that doesn’t matter and i need to give another thing up because lilith’s grief comes first. my family is saying i’m petty, but i’m just so sick and tired of being a third class citizen. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
**funeral not wedding, my brain blanked** my step-sister, who i’ll call “lilith”, has been treated like royalty ever since my mom married her dad. her mother died when she was 9, which is very sad and not something i hold against her, but she’s now 21 and her mother’s death is still used as an excuse for her behavior and the blatant favoritism is aggravating. i’m caught underaged drinking? i get grounded for three months. she’s caught underaged drinking? she gets therapy. i get bad grades? i should have tried harder. she gets bad grades? just a symptom of her trauma. i make a mild joke about her when she’s not even there? i’m a bully. she curses and screams at me? i’m told to be nicer to my “sister”. my own biological mother and even my older brothers always prioritize her over me and i’m treated as “lesser than” to compensate for her losing a parent. my grandmother passed a week ago and my family is planning the funeral. we have a text chain to decide on details, and lilith offered to do the eulogy for my mother’s branch of the family. i’m named after my grandmother and was fairly close with her, so i always thought i would do it. so after lilith offered, i let everyone know i’d rather do it and explained very vulnerably in a whole paragraph why i wanted to do the eulogy for my grandmother. my mom and brothers vote for her, of course, and say instead i can do one of the bible readings at the funeral. but i refuse and tell them if i can’t do the eulogy, i don’t want any part in the funeral. my whole life, lilith takes things away from me, and now she’s even taking my grief away from me. she *has* living grandmothers, but that doesn’t matter and i need to give another thing up because lilith’s grief comes first. my family is saying i’m petty, but i’m just so sick and tired of being a third class citizen. aita? [/INST] esh. more than one person can give a eulogy. i don’t know how old you are, but if you are an adult, don’t go and say goodbye to your grandmother in your own way. and remember, there is the family you are raised by and the family you choose. you get to make your own family when your an adult, with all kinds of different people. you’re not obligated stick with the one you initially got. </s>
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AITA for being frustrated that my girlfriend doesn't work hard at her job and gets paid nearly twice as much as I do?
|
my girlfriend and i both work in tech, she's a safety validator for software, working at a consulting firm, and i'm doing network infrastructure support.
when we both worked in different offices i didn't know much about her day to day life at work.
i knew she made a lot more than me, 120k to my 66k, and she credits a lot of that to job hopping, she's 25 and has had three full time jobs since college. i've been at one place since college.
but since we've been working from home, i've seen a lot of her daily schedule. and hers versus mine are really different.
she gets up at 9:15 to drag herself into the home office for her 9:30-10 daily meeting.
after the meeting she goes and showers and has breakfast from about 10 to 10:45, answering a few slack messages and emails on her phone but mostly just listening to podcasts and eating and doing her morning routine.
then she works till noon, and takes a lunch break from noon till 1. then she works from 1 to 4, often having meetings or working on her own stuff. and at 4 will spend an hour or so doing household chores and stuff while keeping an eye on her phone to answer emails.
and outside of 9 to 5 she blocks work related messages from her phone.
so basically she actually works about 4 and a half hours daily, and does her own thing for about 2 hours, just paying enough attention to reply to emails that come in.
i basically work nonstop 8:30 to 5 or 6 pm, working 8.5 to 9.5 hours a day. i don't take breaks in the workday to shower or eat breakfast and lunch or do household chores.
and a few weeks ago i got kinda frustrated with her for basically hardly doing anything for her job at all. and that they were overpaying her if she was spending half the day slacking.
she got frustrated with me and said that they hired her for her knowledge and it wasn't my place to say what her time was worth, that if her boss and ceo saw the work she produced and chose to pay her what they chose to pay her that it wasn't my place to undervalue her because i was being jealous. and that she picked her job instead of one that might pay better because she wanted a good work life balance, she was sick of wasting her life away at work that was a lot more demanding.
i said that she was being a little privileged, not a lot of people can just choose to make six figures and wander off from work for practically half the day, and that all i was saying was that she was working half as hard as a lot of people who earn a lot less.
she got mad at me and said that it's not up to me to decide what her time is worth
aita for what i said about my girlfriend's work ethic?
| 11,119
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwnb8d/aita_for_being_frustrated_that_my_girlfriend/
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2021-01-13 19:03:18
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yta.
sounds like you're jealous. not a good look!
if she performs her job duties to the satisfaction of her superiors and they pay her to do that, then "her work ethic" has nothing to do with it. it sounds to me like she got lucky as hell and landed the dream job and you're big mad because you have to bust your ass for less money. that has nothing to do with your girlfriend and her work ethic.
get over it.
&#x200b;
thank you for all the awards, everyone! i woke up to an inbox that was absolutely heaving and thought... "did i start a fight?"
|
yta and you do sound jealous. what is even the point of you mentioning any of this to her? are you trying to make her feel bad? there’s no point.
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info: what were you expecting to come out of this conversation you started?
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yta...she's using the system to her advantage. work smarter, not harder.
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yta. she job hopped and found one that was sweet as hell. ask her to guide you to one like it.
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yta. she’s right, it’s not your place to say what her time is worth. seriously, what did you expect to get out of this?
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[removed]
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[deleted]
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>and a few weeks ago i got kinda frustrated with her for basically hardly doing anything for her job at all.
> i said that she was being a little privileged
you brought the topic up and she answered. how does she get to be privileged if she's doing her job and getting paid for it? you sound really jealous.
>aita for what i said about my girlfriend's work ethic?
define work ethic and you can see how big of an asshole you really were to her.
yta
|
dude,
my fiance and i are in a similar situation - fiance wise. she makes about 120k and i make about 64k.
things have shifted during the pandemic to make my work schedule better, but before hand i 100% had a way more physically grueling job. the kind that doesn't offer vacation or sick pay either. you work to get paid and you work hard.
that being said - yta. you know what's cool about having a partner that makes double my income? *we have way more disposable income.* why that bothers you i'll never understand.
i'm thinking i might like to work a less demanding job that pays me more. so you know what i'm doing - *looking into making moves to make that change.* this isn't rocket science guy. you are not bound to stay with what you have. i'm not chopping her down to feel superior. what a joke.
you sound bitter, resentful, and like the type of guy who needs to make more than his partner to have self worth.
it's 2021 man - she earned all of it. if you don't like your situation make change - hell - it's easier and safer to make a change *when you have a partner who makes more money than you.*
smh hard dude. you better start groveling and fixing your mindset quick or youre going to be stuck making the money you do in a job you don't like and single.
get over yourself.
|
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i both work in tech, she's a safety validator for software, working at a consulting firm, and i'm doing network infrastructure support. when we both worked in different offices i didn't know much about her day to day life at work. i knew she made a lot more than me, 120k to my 66k, and she credits a lot of that to job hopping, she's 25 and has had three full time jobs since college. i've been at one place since college. but since we've been working from home, i've seen a lot of her daily schedule. and hers versus mine are really different. she gets up at 9:15 to drag herself into the home office for her 9:30-10 daily meeting. after the meeting she goes and showers and has breakfast from about 10 to 10:45, answering a few slack messages and emails on her phone but mostly just listening to podcasts and eating and doing her morning routine. then she works till noon, and takes a lunch break from noon till 1. then she works from 1 to 4, often having meetings or working on her own stuff. and at 4 will spend an hour or so doing household chores and stuff while keeping an eye on her phone to answer emails. and outside of 9 to 5 she blocks work related messages from her phone. so basically she actually works about 4 and a half hours daily, and does her own thing for about 2 hours, just paying enough attention to reply to emails that come in. i basically work nonstop 8:30 to 5 or 6 pm, working 8.5 to 9.5 hours a day. i don't take breaks in the workday to shower or eat breakfast and lunch or do household chores. and a few weeks ago i got kinda frustrated with her for basically hardly doing anything for her job at all. and that they were overpaying her if she was spending half the day slacking. she got frustrated with me and said that they hired her for her knowledge and it wasn't my place to say what her time was worth, that if her boss and ceo saw the work she produced and chose to pay her what they chose to pay her that it wasn't my place to undervalue her because i was being jealous. and that she picked her job instead of one that might pay better because she wanted a good work life balance, she was sick of wasting her life away at work that was a lot more demanding. i said that she was being a little privileged, not a lot of people can just choose to make six figures and wander off from work for practically half the day, and that all i was saying was that she was working half as hard as a lot of people who earn a lot less. she got mad at me and said that it's not up to me to decide what her time is worth aita for what i said about my girlfriend's work ethic?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i both work in tech, she's a safety validator for software, working at a consulting firm, and i'm doing network infrastructure support. when we both worked in different offices i didn't know much about her day to day life at work. i knew she made a lot more than me, 120k to my 66k, and she credits a lot of that to job hopping, she's 25 and has had three full time jobs since college. i've been at one place since college. but since we've been working from home, i've seen a lot of her daily schedule. and hers versus mine are really different. she gets up at 9:15 to drag herself into the home office for her 9:30-10 daily meeting. after the meeting she goes and showers and has breakfast from about 10 to 10:45, answering a few slack messages and emails on her phone but mostly just listening to podcasts and eating and doing her morning routine. then she works till noon, and takes a lunch break from noon till 1. then she works from 1 to 4, often having meetings or working on her own stuff. and at 4 will spend an hour or so doing household chores and stuff while keeping an eye on her phone to answer emails. and outside of 9 to 5 she blocks work related messages from her phone. so basically she actually works about 4 and a half hours daily, and does her own thing for about 2 hours, just paying enough attention to reply to emails that come in. i basically work nonstop 8:30 to 5 or 6 pm, working 8.5 to 9.5 hours a day. i don't take breaks in the workday to shower or eat breakfast and lunch or do household chores. and a few weeks ago i got kinda frustrated with her for basically hardly doing anything for her job at all. and that they were overpaying her if she was spending half the day slacking. she got frustrated with me and said that they hired her for her knowledge and it wasn't my place to say what her time was worth, that if her boss and ceo saw the work she produced and chose to pay her what they chose to pay her that it wasn't my place to undervalue her because i was being jealous. and that she picked her job instead of one that might pay better because she wanted a good work life balance, she was sick of wasting her life away at work that was a lot more demanding. i said that she was being a little privileged, not a lot of people can just choose to make six figures and wander off from work for practically half the day, and that all i was saying was that she was working half as hard as a lot of people who earn a lot less. she got mad at me and said that it's not up to me to decide what her time is worth aita for what i said about my girlfriend's work ethic? [/INST] yta. sounds like you're jealous. not a good look! if she performs her job duties to the satisfaction of her superiors and they pay her to do that, then "her work ethic" has nothing to do with it. it sounds to me like she got lucky as hell and landed the dream job and you're big mad because you have to bust your ass for less money. that has nothing to do with your girlfriend and her work ethic. get over it. &#x200b; thank you for all the awards, everyone! i woke up to an inbox that was absolutely heaving and thought... "did i start a fight?" </s>
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AITA for serving a pregnant woman a non-alcoholic cocktail?
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i have waited tables for the last three years.
during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees.
when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables.
about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me.
a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory.
it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber.
several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse.
i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct.
but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here.
| 29,701
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ch3vqi/aita_for_serving_a_pregnant_woman_a_nonalcoholic/
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2019-07-24 05:20:24
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esh but you had good intentions.
she sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant, you altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager.
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yta. unless you saw the woman pee on a pregnancy test, you had no way of knowing for sure that she was pregnant. she could have been talking about someone else, a past pregnancy, or she could be planning to terminate the pregnancy. that wasn’t your call to make.
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yta. i've spent most of my working years in food service, and half of that time has been in management. if i was your manager, i would've fired you on the spot. while i agree that pregnant women shouldn't be drinking, you never change a customer's order without their consent. if you had an issue with her drinking, you should have taken it to your manager and let her deal with the situation.
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yta. you don’t get to decide what another person of legal age decides to consume. mind your own business.
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yta
if you don't want to serve her, don't serve her, but don't try to trick her for her own good.
you would not be the asshole if you had told her what you heard and said you didn't feel comfortable serving her alcohol. you also could've cut them all off once you saw that they were intoxicated. that would be actually living up to your convictions and dealing with the consequences.
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yta here, you made a lot of assumptions about a woman and a situation you don't know anything about - she might not want to keep it, but ultimately it's not up to you to decide what she can or can't put into her body. in my opinion that was a pretty big violation of her freedom of choice. you did it for the right reasons i'll grant you that, but that doesn't make what you did right.
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nta. the fact that so many people think that you were rude for this is disgusting.
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yta here. strictly because of how much trouble you can get the whole restaurant into for discrimination. it sucks majorly, i know that’s a shitty position to be in. but i grew up around the bar and casino industry in mississippi, and if your morals won’t allow you to serve a pregnant woman alcohol, you tell another server or your manager and get someone else to serve her.
is that lady making a crappy choice? likely. but is it worth the shit storm that could happen to the restaurant, the potential closures and legal fees you might have brought down on your manager and coworkers? not really.
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what the flying fuck?? it’s esh if she has a viable pregnancy. women who drink while pregnant disgust me to no end. i’ve seen fas. i can’t believe anyone would willingly do that to their child.
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yta altho it may have seemed like the right thing to do its not your call to make, if you had a problem serving her you could have taken it to the manager and told the manager the situation, by taking matters into your own hand you are risking everyone of your coworkers jobs. if she wants to be an absolute bitch she could also have the restaurant charged with fraud or "bait and switch" (she ordered an alcoholic drink and was given one without alcohol without being told) they probably wouldn't find in her favor but it would cost you and the company alot of money and time to fight
also "it was too late for me to edit them back" shows that you were willing to charge her full price and lie that she had been served alcohol when she hadnt
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.054
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have waited tables for the last three years. during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables. about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me. a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber. several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have waited tables for the last three years. during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables. about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me. a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber. several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here. [/INST] esh but you had good intentions. she sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant, you altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager. </s>
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AITA for interrupting my exhusband's birthday and taking my daughter home because she was there without consent?
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me f35 and my exhusband m37 got separated 1 year ago, we share custody of our 15 yo daughter.
my exhusband has her for certain days, and his birthday didn't fall on one of these days. in fact, it fell on one of the days where my daughter is supposed to be with me. he called me so we could discuss letting him have my daughter on the day of his birthday but i told him no because it is not his day to have her, he got my daughter involved and she said she really wants to go but i said no because i have my reasons. my exhusband dropped it but on the day of his birthday, i went to pick my daughter up from school but i discovered that he came and took straight to the restaurant where his birthday party was taking place. i was fuming i called him but he didn't pick up, i then called my daughter and she said she was with him. i used location feature to track her phone and got the address.
i showed up and interrupted the party, my exhusband started arguing with me but i told he had no consent to have my daughter with him that day but he said my daughter wanted to be there for his birthday. my former mil tried to speak to me and i told her to stay out of it then told my daughter to grab her stuff cause we were going home. my exhusband and family unloaded on me and i tried to ignore them and just leave but my daughter made it hard for me. i took her home eventually and grounded her for agreeing to leavd school with her dad when it wasn't his day. her dad called me yelling about how bitter and spiteful i was to deprive my daughter from attending his birthday, i told him it's basic respect and boundaries but he claimed it was just me being spiteful and deliberately hurtful towards him that i didn't even care how it affected my daughter. i hung up but more of his family members started blasting me on social media saying i showed up and made a scene at the restaurant. went as far as calling me 'unstable'.
| 19,870
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s4imz3/aita_for_interrupting_my_exhusbands_birthday_and/
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2022-01-15 11:44:47
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yta
you should have let him have her on the birthday. why make such a big deal?
yes, your ex shouldn't have picked her up after you said no to the switch. but once he did, you should have left her and dealt with it afterwards.
all you're accomplishing now is alienating your daughter. she's 15 and enjoying her time with dad. let her.
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"i have my reasons"
info: those better be some damn good reasons because until you elaborate, yta in my book.
you hate your ex more than you love your daughter, and you proved it with your actions in this scenario.
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yta.
your daughter wants to spend her dad's birthday with her dad. how is her attending the party affecting you. as far as i know custody agreements are negotiable for a day or two.
>because i have my reasons.
what is/are your reasons?
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yta. "my daughter said she really wants to go" "she said on the phone she was with him". your child is 15, not 5. she can make informed decisions about whether or not she wants to go to he father's birthday party. she also was honest and told you where she was, so you knew she was safe. but that meant nothing to you, apparently. there was no reason for you to behave the way you did.
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you hurt your daughter to be petty to your ex. yta.
a custody agreement is flexible as long as supervised visitation isn't required. you could have easily made up the day.
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yta she is 15 she can decide were she wants to be ...and as soon as she is 16 that will be at dad's full time! congratulations on pushing your teenager away
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yeah yta
she’s 15 and wanted to spend her dad’s birthday with him. you made a scene and exerted unnecessary control to make a point.
what you’re actually doing is being irrational and alienating your child. keep it up and you risk permanently damaging your relationship with her.
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yta your ex is right you're bitter and spiteful. your only reason why he couldn't have her is because "it isn't his day" he didn't even want her for the day it would be a few hours at most but you're so hellbent on hurting him via your daughter that you cannot see how much of a huge gaping ah that you are. you could've waited until he dropped her off after and talked to him and explained your reasons, but you went and caused a scene in public. you have major issues.
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[deleted]
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yta, as much as you would like it to be the case your daughter is not your property. your husband cannot steal a 15 year old girl. that’s her father and she wanted to spend his birthday with him. you don’t like him, so you turned up and caused a scene.
you don’t care about your daughters wellbeing at all. you only care about being spiteful. i really hope your daughter posts on reddit one day and is given advice to fully move in with her dad. she’s old enough to make that decision.
before i sign off - a custody agreement is for the benefit of the child. the courts keep in mind wants best for the child. usually they want both bio parents involved in the child’s life in some way as it’s *usually* the best ( maybe not in this case because you harm your child). do not for a second think the custody agreement is about you
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me f35 and my exhusband m37 got separated 1 year ago, we share custody of our 15 yo daughter. my exhusband has her for certain days, and his birthday didn't fall on one of these days. in fact, it fell on one of the days where my daughter is supposed to be with me. he called me so we could discuss letting him have my daughter on the day of his birthday but i told him no because it is not his day to have her, he got my daughter involved and she said she really wants to go but i said no because i have my reasons. my exhusband dropped it but on the day of his birthday, i went to pick my daughter up from school but i discovered that he came and took straight to the restaurant where his birthday party was taking place. i was fuming i called him but he didn't pick up, i then called my daughter and she said she was with him. i used location feature to track her phone and got the address. i showed up and interrupted the party, my exhusband started arguing with me but i told he had no consent to have my daughter with him that day but he said my daughter wanted to be there for his birthday. my former mil tried to speak to me and i told her to stay out of it then told my daughter to grab her stuff cause we were going home. my exhusband and family unloaded on me and i tried to ignore them and just leave but my daughter made it hard for me. i took her home eventually and grounded her for agreeing to leavd school with her dad when it wasn't his day. her dad called me yelling about how bitter and spiteful i was to deprive my daughter from attending his birthday, i told him it's basic respect and boundaries but he claimed it was just me being spiteful and deliberately hurtful towards him that i didn't even care how it affected my daughter. i hung up but more of his family members started blasting me on social media saying i showed up and made a scene at the restaurant. went as far as calling me 'unstable'.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me f35 and my exhusband m37 got separated 1 year ago, we share custody of our 15 yo daughter. my exhusband has her for certain days, and his birthday didn't fall on one of these days. in fact, it fell on one of the days where my daughter is supposed to be with me. he called me so we could discuss letting him have my daughter on the day of his birthday but i told him no because it is not his day to have her, he got my daughter involved and she said she really wants to go but i said no because i have my reasons. my exhusband dropped it but on the day of his birthday, i went to pick my daughter up from school but i discovered that he came and took straight to the restaurant where his birthday party was taking place. i was fuming i called him but he didn't pick up, i then called my daughter and she said she was with him. i used location feature to track her phone and got the address. i showed up and interrupted the party, my exhusband started arguing with me but i told he had no consent to have my daughter with him that day but he said my daughter wanted to be there for his birthday. my former mil tried to speak to me and i told her to stay out of it then told my daughter to grab her stuff cause we were going home. my exhusband and family unloaded on me and i tried to ignore them and just leave but my daughter made it hard for me. i took her home eventually and grounded her for agreeing to leavd school with her dad when it wasn't his day. her dad called me yelling about how bitter and spiteful i was to deprive my daughter from attending his birthday, i told him it's basic respect and boundaries but he claimed it was just me being spiteful and deliberately hurtful towards him that i didn't even care how it affected my daughter. i hung up but more of his family members started blasting me on social media saying i showed up and made a scene at the restaurant. went as far as calling me 'unstable'. [/INST] yta you should have let him have her on the birthday. why make such a big deal? yes, your ex shouldn't have picked her up after you said no to the switch. but once he did, you should have left her and dealt with it afterwards. all you're accomplishing now is alienating your daughter. she's 15 and enjoying her time with dad. let her. </s>
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AITA for being mad at my wife for dumpster diving?
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hi everyone, i’d like some input.
my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more.
recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong.
the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me.
they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total.
i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special.
i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
| 17,830
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b12st4/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_wife_for_dumpster_diving/
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2019-03-14 17:01:37
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yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world.
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[deleted]
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yta. dumpster diving is a great way to save money and help keep items out of landfills. i would recommend she look at some of the diving groups on facebook, they have a lot of great tips for places to go and also ways to stay safe. people find unopened items all the time, items that are brand new and otherwise would fill a landfill.
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yta. get a second/third job if you don't want your wife to result to such a "low".
it is dumb that she won't tell you why she won't use her tiny savings, but it could be for something actually important.
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yta she's used her initiative and found a way to get more for your families tight budget.
maybe be thankful she's going to all that trouble to do more for your family and not shame her.
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yta. a lot of people dumpster dive to save money, and people waste a lot of stuff just throwing it away. you guys live paycheck to paycheck and your wife figured out something to help. she's not even diving for leftover food! she just found coupons people didn't need, so what in the hell is the matter?
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yta - you are mad at your wife for getting free/better quality food for your family because you don’t like the idea of her digging through the trash. sad that your priorities are so backwards. just because you wouldn’t dig through the garbage to provide for your family, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
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yta. you're mad... at your wife... for scavenging... for coupons?
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yta at first i assumed this was going to be dumpster food which you would have a point just for the sanitary issues of good even if sealed sitting in a dumpster. but she is hurting no one and your comment about “lowering herself to that level” is just a shitty thing to say.
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yta - if your budget is that tight, and if she doesn't have an issue doing it herself, then you should mind your own fucking business, man.
who are you to judge what your wife does to earn an extra $30? and you're also **directly benefiting** from it *by your own admission.*
i do "get" not being thrilled about how she's saving the money, but i think you need to grow up.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive? [/INST] yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world. </s>
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AITA for putting "ugly" one way mirrors on the windows facing one of my neighbors because I saw the husband looking in my windows?
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i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa.
my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows.
once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light
so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now.
from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide.
after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons...
1. they were ugly
2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool.
3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes.
i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy.
they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting.
he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time.
he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction.
i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable.
i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off
aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows?
| 27,122
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mm1o6i/aita_for_putting_ugly_one_way_mirrors_on_the/
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2021-04-07 13:08:03
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nta. you proved that you needed the privacy because her husband is a creep and they’re upset for being called out. you don’t owe them anything and if your landlord hasn’t contact you about it then you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to.
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[deleted]
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nta.
you only put it up because he was staring into your window. whatever his reason, that's pretty creepy, especially since it seems to be happening a lot.
tell them you'll only consider taking it down if they put up covers on their property which stop the husband from being able to see in your window. if they don't like it then too bad.
any complaints from any other party who doesn't like it should also be directed to the peeping husband.
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nta because of why you did it, but mirrored blinds that increase heat and confuse wildlife don’t sound ideal.
have you tried magical blinds? they are also one way but don’t give off a reflection.
i would argue that since the neighbors are the ones being bothered they can pay for your new blinds but that would obviously escalate the situation.
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eh..... i know this isn’t the popular opinion here but i’d say esh only because there are other types of privacy window coverings you could have picked that aren’t mirrors.
you’re punishing the entire family for something the husband was doing. having a whole 8ft by 20ft mirror shooting sun into your yard would be incredibly annoying.
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you had a privacy issue, you have proof, you took steps to protect your privacy in a temporary, non damaging way to the apartment youre renting (in my experience privacy film on windows literally just peels off, please correct me if this is not the case)
the above makes you nta. i would have done the same.
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this is brilliant! nta. even without the creepy staring you are entitled to do what you like to the windows (with your landlords permission)
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info: if you were able to take pictures of this neighbor staring at you, and multiple times at that, isn’t it likely he couldn’t see in the windows and was looking at the reflection? perhaps just staring off into space instead of being a creep? it sounds like a very large percentage of a very small yard is covered in your wall of windows.
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hrm. in terms of just the mirror issue (not going into the husbands behavior), i think it’s nah.
the first two points made by the neighbors are dumb. the final point has merit. putting up a mirror that shines light at people’s houses is a bit of an ah move, though this seems an unintentional side effect. since you are not specifically angling the mirrors at them, and you put them in as a result of their behavior, i think the onus falls on them to adapt to your mirrors as you have adapted to their ogling.
now, there may be local laws around this sort of thing, but i do not know them. angling light at another house could* have the potential to start a fire, similar to a magnifying glass. you might want to look into both of these situations for your liability/ safety.
|
esh.
you're no ah for wanting your privacy, that's understandable. but not wanting a 20 x 8 ft mirror streaming sunlight into their backyard is also a reasonable request that you should be accommodating.
are there no non-mirror window covers that you could use instead? we have something with a flower pattern on our bathroom window to keep unwanted eyes out, and there's no mirror effect. maybe look for an alternative solution?
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
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ESH
| 0.155902
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa. my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows. once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now. from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide. after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons... 1. they were ugly 2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool. 3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes. i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy. they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting. he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time. he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction. i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable. i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa. my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows. once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now. from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide. after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons... 1. they were ugly 2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool. 3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes. i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy. they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting. he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time. he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction. i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable. i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows? [/INST] nta. you proved that you needed the privacy because her husband is a creep and they’re upset for being called out. you don’t owe them anything and if your landlord hasn’t contact you about it then you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to. </s>
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AITA: bride is mad at me for the way my dress had to be altered
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so my friend is getting married this weekend and i’m in the bridal party. we ordered our bridesmaid dresses 6 months ago and we were told we had to make our fitting appointment a month out from the wedding to allow for alterations. i have become pregnant since having my fitting appointment where i was measured to see what size dress would fit me, and now because my breasts have grown over a cup size in about a month (i’m 13 weeks), the dress is easily 4 inches from zipping up in the back. there wasn’t time to reorder a larger dress and so the only way to make it fit was to add a panel in the back where the zipper won’t close and then add corset laces and loops to make it a corset back dress. when my friend who is the bride saw this she got really upset at me because now my dress looks slightly different than everyone else’s in the back and she wanted us all in the same dress. she also doesn’t know i’m pregnant because i didn’t want her to feel like i was upstaging her by announcing my pregnancy right around the time of her wedding, plus my partner and i aren’t comfortable telling people yet. i explained to her this was the only way to make it fit and she blamed me saying i should’ve ordered the correct size.
aita?
*
| 2,017
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8qccp/aita_bride_is_mad_at_me_for_the_way_my_dress_had/
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2020-08-13 01:03:39
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nah i can understand her being annoyed since it seems to her like you changed your dress to stand out from the others for no real reason or because you were irresponsible. if she knew the context or that would be different but you are also not an asshole for waiting to announce your pregnancy.
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nah
honestly, if i were you, i'd tell her in confidence without "announcing" or making a big deal. 13 weeks means your past your first trimester and the first hurdle. you're probably showing now and the closer you get to the wedding, the less you'll be able to hide it. once the wedding is over, go to town! have the biggest announcement thing you could ever hope for. your friend would appreciate that she was one of the first to know and you trusted her for that. really, it would be a win-win.
i say nah because you didn't know you'd get pregnant, but really shouldn't get mad at your friend who has a plan in mind when it comes to their wedding. uniformity is important to some brides and having yours be different, when it was the same previously, is kind of throwing a wrench into things.
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nta but i think you should have kept her updated along the way rather than letting her know after the fact. even if there was no other option, would have been good to keep her in the loop
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info: why are you going to a 300 person wedding while pregnant during a pandemic
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yta. you're supposed to be close friends with this woman. you could at least do the courtesy of talking to her about this issue instead of just doing whatever and expecting her to be okay with it. why do you even want to be a bridesmaid if you think she's a bad friend who spreads lies about you (based on your last post about her) and that you feel you can't talk to?
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nah of course you aren’t the a-hole. if she is really being difficult could you tell just her in private about your pregnancy? i’m assuming you are close since you are in her wedding. if she finds out later that your pregnancy was the reason you had to have your dress altered this way, she might feel like an a-hole for the way she reacted.
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nta- but rethink the not telling her part. talk to her in private and let her know. tell her that you and your husband haven’t even told anyone yet.
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girl stop complicating your life. get a grip and sort your shit out.
(referring to her post history of how she wanted to bring an ex to piss the bride off, and now is going to a 300 ppl wedding in a pandemic with her ex while pregnant and is pissing the bride off by not talking to someone that is supposed to be her friend).
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yta.
but it has nothing to do with the dress or the bride, you are in the clear there (though tell her of your pregnancy before the wedding).
it's because you go to a 300 person wedding during a global pandemic while pregnant.
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info did you know you were pregnant at the fitting, and did you tell the seamstress?
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
| 0.491046
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my friend is getting married this weekend and i’m in the bridal party. we ordered our bridesmaid dresses 6 months ago and we were told we had to make our fitting appointment a month out from the wedding to allow for alterations. i have become pregnant since having my fitting appointment where i was measured to see what size dress would fit me, and now because my breasts have grown over a cup size in about a month (i’m 13 weeks), the dress is easily 4 inches from zipping up in the back. there wasn’t time to reorder a larger dress and so the only way to make it fit was to add a panel in the back where the zipper won’t close and then add corset laces and loops to make it a corset back dress. when my friend who is the bride saw this she got really upset at me because now my dress looks slightly different than everyone else’s in the back and she wanted us all in the same dress. she also doesn’t know i’m pregnant because i didn’t want her to feel like i was upstaging her by announcing my pregnancy right around the time of her wedding, plus my partner and i aren’t comfortable telling people yet. i explained to her this was the only way to make it fit and she blamed me saying i should’ve ordered the correct size. aita? *
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my friend is getting married this weekend and i’m in the bridal party. we ordered our bridesmaid dresses 6 months ago and we were told we had to make our fitting appointment a month out from the wedding to allow for alterations. i have become pregnant since having my fitting appointment where i was measured to see what size dress would fit me, and now because my breasts have grown over a cup size in about a month (i’m 13 weeks), the dress is easily 4 inches from zipping up in the back. there wasn’t time to reorder a larger dress and so the only way to make it fit was to add a panel in the back where the zipper won’t close and then add corset laces and loops to make it a corset back dress. when my friend who is the bride saw this she got really upset at me because now my dress looks slightly different than everyone else’s in the back and she wanted us all in the same dress. she also doesn’t know i’m pregnant because i didn’t want her to feel like i was upstaging her by announcing my pregnancy right around the time of her wedding, plus my partner and i aren’t comfortable telling people yet. i explained to her this was the only way to make it fit and she blamed me saying i should’ve ordered the correct size. aita? * [/INST] nah i can understand her being annoyed since it seems to her like you changed your dress to stand out from the others for no real reason or because you were irresponsible. if she knew the context or that would be different but you are also not an asshole for waiting to announce your pregnancy. </s>
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AITA for threatening to financially cut off my son over a baby name?
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i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance.
i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house.
well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter.
my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up
| 24,992
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ht049f/aita_for_threatening_to_financially_cut_off_my/
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2020-07-17 17:39:15
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nta
they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially.
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you shouldn't be financially supporting your son and his family anyway. pay for his college, sure. but this knucklehead knocked up his gf all by himself, so let him be a real daddy, not a pretend daddy, and take care of his family. let him work 20 hours every weekend supporting them while he's in school. let him learn how to budget. let him learn what it means to be a parent.
that was your mistake, right there.
blaming a name, retroactively, is passive aggressive and immature. you could say "great! i'll call her paxy-toodles! whee!" without threatening to withhold money you shouldn't be giving in the first place.
you are playing their game rather than being a parent. you have every right to refuse to assist them but you are taking an adolescent stance as to why. better to be clear with them, before the baby is born, as to why you are cutting off assistance. they need to grow up, as do you, and quit this bullshit.
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esh
just tell them to also name the kid clara and be done with it.
plenty of families have 3 (and sometimes 4) generations of men with the same name... you can handle two clara's if it that big a deal.
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wait, what? you had a daughter and named her. your son's gf wants the name for her unborn child. your son gave you an ultimatum to change your daughter's name. no. nta. your son doesn't seem mature enough to live on his own, less parent a child.
&#x200b;
congrats on your daughter.
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nta but you played this wrong. you should have gushed about the name paxtyn - just been really supportive and talked about how you couldn't wait to meet baby pax. takes the teeth out of their 'threat', prevents escalation to this exact situation and might even motivate them to change it to something else. at the end of the day, it's not like they are naming the kid alibi or anything.
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nta. he and his girlfriend are being ridiculous. if they really are choosing a name to spite you, while also treating you rudely, i don’t blame you for wanting to cut him off financially.
that said, from a practical perspective, cutting him off may mean you’ll never meet your granddaughter, so consider things carefully.
is there a compromise everyone could reach, like he’d name his daughter “clarissa” or something close but still distinct?
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info
have your son or his hg ever mentioned the name clara in your presence?
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nta
kids having kids.
i already feel sorry for that unborn child.
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"oh yeah, that's my aunt. she's a clara, too." there is zero problem here (at least name-wise). nta
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i dont get why they cant name their kid clara too, am i missing something? im 20 with a much younger sister and when i imagine my child having the same name as her it doesnt bother me whatsoever...
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.054249
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up [/INST] nta they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially. </s>
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AITA for not telling my dying grandmother that her daughter died (my mother)
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***update in the comments. i'm sat here and i'm really overwhelmed. i have been beyond fortunate to never have to deal with death. if anybody has time to keep me company that would be lovely i will be sat in the waiting room for at least a week and my sister leaves tonight. thank you for your humanity. i don't know how to send direct messages but i have had a few and will reply to anybody even just to share.
- - - -
i really don't know what i should do reddit please help me.
my grandparents were in a car accident on saturday and my sister, mother and grandfather were all in the car. the complete right hand side of the car was crushed (uk so drivers side) which sat my grandfather and mother behind. my grandfather died instantly and my mother was rushed to a specialist hospital as she suffered serious brain damage. my grandmother is in a different hospital, my sister is absolutely fine except for a broken wrist.
my grandmother has terminal cancer and hemophilia, has had several blood transfusions but i have been told she isn't going to make it past friday. my mother is in a medically induced coma but is brain-dead and doctors have told me she won't survive off whatever machine is keeping her alive.
my grandmother is currently awake although internally she is not in a good way. i told her that my mother broke both her legs and has damage but otherwise ok... i even showed her an old photo to pretend she is fine and my grandmother believed it. i can't tell her. my sister wants to tell her but what is the fucking point? am i the asshole if i let her die thinking her daughter is still alive or does she deserve the truth??
sat at my mother's bedside right now and in 4 hours i'm going to the other hospital to see my sister and ultimately decide what to do - what do people think? please help me i am only 24 i have no idea and will do what everybody thinks is the best course of action.
thank you for listening.
| 5,780
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bx3d8e/aita_for_not_telling_my_dying_grandmother_that/
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2019-06-05 14:44:34
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nah you have an really hard decision. i personaly would not tell the grandmother if she will die soon. if your grandmother lieves longer than expectet i would trll her... sadly there is no right dicision
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i just wanted to make a post and update with some things since everyone has been so kind to offer me their condolences and advice or even just to tell me that any decision is ok.
i wrote this after speaking to so many different professionals (doctors/nurses/counsellors etc) and everybody just kept telling me that the decision is mine and any decision i make is ok. i don't feel mature enough to make such a decision, i only left university a few years ago and i'm faced with this. i posted here because i thought collectively as humans there are normal everyday joe's out there like me who might have some insight into the situation and i've sat and read every comment.
i've been sat with my mum doing what little i can to comfort her and be there physically but felt like approaching a forum of 'normal' people would be the best bet and i think it has been. my sister and i have sat and read the comments of everyone's stories and insights and we have decided to not say anything. if my grandmother miraculously gets better we hope she will understand but like i have said, she isn't good. the reason i'm writing this now is that she is unconscious and my sister is on the phone to her boyfriend and i'm just sat trying to emotionally process this absolute shit hand i've been dealt.
if any of you truly feel sorry for me just go and give your parents/grandparents a hug and just tell them you love them i've always been that person reading stuff thinking it wouldn't happen to me. never stop loving.
thank you for listening you have all helped me so much, thank you for your humanity and compassion and i wish you all the best in your lives.
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nah. honestly... while it would be nice for her to know, her last moments would be filled with extra grief. it could be a gift for your grandmother to pass believing and feeling relief that her daughter is alright.
i'm so, so sorry for your losses. please don't be afraid to reach out for help. any of the nurses and doctors at either hospital can help direct you and your sister to grief services. you may feel better speaking with someone at the hospital about how to handle the situation.
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wow, i'm really sorry to hear this. i lost my mom at 21, and i can't begin to imagine losing not only my mom, but my grandfather and my grandmother so soon.
i'm going to go with nah, but i also think it heavily is based on what you believe. i don't believe in any sort of afterlife or the likes, and so, the best thing is to allow those who are dying to have the most comfortable exit possible. this would involve not telling your grandmother.
i also don't think your sister is in the wrong here. in most cases, people deserve the truth. and she may believe that telling the truth outweighs any comfort in the lie.
regardless, i don't think asking reddit is a good way to do this. go spend time with your remaining family (and your mom). it's hard losing a parent. stop wasting time with strangers on the internet, and go be with your family. comfort your sister. be there with your mom. 4 hours is not a lot of time, but in the end, a minute here is a minute away from your family.
i wish you well. if you need to talk to someone, i am here for you.
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nah. i'm so sorry for your loss. you (and i) think not telling your grandmother is the kind thing to do. your sister believes honesty is the right thing to do. this is not a situation with right or wrong answers, just a horrible tragedy you and your sister are trying to navigate.
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nah. this one is tough, but if i were in your shoes, i would definitely keep this quiet. you don't want the last few hours of your grandmother's life to be sad. you don't know how she would react to the news, & it may even worsen her condition, shortening her lifespan. enjoy the time you have left with her and try to convince your sister to let it go. grandma has suffered enough and doesn't need more piled on.
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nah
if she is passing, no need to add the extra pain to her last moments. this is an extremely difficult situation but tell her something so tragic will only make it worse for her.
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that is a tough call beyond what anyone here can provide. nah.
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nah (u/bendelau is correct)
go be with your family.
i am so sorry for what you are dealing with. best wishes and take care of yourself!
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nah
i can understand where your sister is coming from. you shouldn’t hide a loved ones death. but your grandma is dying and if she finds out, she will die with the knowledge that both her husband and daughter are gone. and i can understand why you wouldn’t want to cause her even more pain by telling her.
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ***update in the comments. i'm sat here and i'm really overwhelmed. i have been beyond fortunate to never have to deal with death. if anybody has time to keep me company that would be lovely i will be sat in the waiting room for at least a week and my sister leaves tonight. thank you for your humanity. i don't know how to send direct messages but i have had a few and will reply to anybody even just to share. - - - - i really don't know what i should do reddit please help me. my grandparents were in a car accident on saturday and my sister, mother and grandfather were all in the car. the complete right hand side of the car was crushed (uk so drivers side) which sat my grandfather and mother behind. my grandfather died instantly and my mother was rushed to a specialist hospital as she suffered serious brain damage. my grandmother is in a different hospital, my sister is absolutely fine except for a broken wrist. my grandmother has terminal cancer and hemophilia, has had several blood transfusions but i have been told she isn't going to make it past friday. my mother is in a medically induced coma but is brain-dead and doctors have told me she won't survive off whatever machine is keeping her alive. my grandmother is currently awake although internally she is not in a good way. i told her that my mother broke both her legs and has damage but otherwise ok... i even showed her an old photo to pretend she is fine and my grandmother believed it. i can't tell her. my sister wants to tell her but what is the fucking point? am i the asshole if i let her die thinking her daughter is still alive or does she deserve the truth?? sat at my mother's bedside right now and in 4 hours i'm going to the other hospital to see my sister and ultimately decide what to do - what do people think? please help me i am only 24 i have no idea and will do what everybody thinks is the best course of action. thank you for listening.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
***update in the comments. i'm sat here and i'm really overwhelmed. i have been beyond fortunate to never have to deal with death. if anybody has time to keep me company that would be lovely i will be sat in the waiting room for at least a week and my sister leaves tonight. thank you for your humanity. i don't know how to send direct messages but i have had a few and will reply to anybody even just to share. - - - - i really don't know what i should do reddit please help me. my grandparents were in a car accident on saturday and my sister, mother and grandfather were all in the car. the complete right hand side of the car was crushed (uk so drivers side) which sat my grandfather and mother behind. my grandfather died instantly and my mother was rushed to a specialist hospital as she suffered serious brain damage. my grandmother is in a different hospital, my sister is absolutely fine except for a broken wrist. my grandmother has terminal cancer and hemophilia, has had several blood transfusions but i have been told she isn't going to make it past friday. my mother is in a medically induced coma but is brain-dead and doctors have told me she won't survive off whatever machine is keeping her alive. my grandmother is currently awake although internally she is not in a good way. i told her that my mother broke both her legs and has damage but otherwise ok... i even showed her an old photo to pretend she is fine and my grandmother believed it. i can't tell her. my sister wants to tell her but what is the fucking point? am i the asshole if i let her die thinking her daughter is still alive or does she deserve the truth?? sat at my mother's bedside right now and in 4 hours i'm going to the other hospital to see my sister and ultimately decide what to do - what do people think? please help me i am only 24 i have no idea and will do what everybody thinks is the best course of action. thank you for listening. [/INST] nah you have an really hard decision. i personaly would not tell the grandmother if she will die soon. if your grandmother lieves longer than expectet i would trll her... sadly there is no right dicision </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that I cannot support her being a stripper?
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hey asshole enthusiasts, i need some help. my [26m] girlfriend [24f] and i both have stable jobs that cover bills and allow us the occasional fun trip. she finished college recently and makes less with her degree then she previously did serving. i never finished college due to drug abuse (sober 4 years last month), and i’m currently applying to different school to finish my degree. now, we’re both saving money to move out of state by the summer (end of our lease), as we’re both beyond ready to leave our hometown. we put away money regularly, and after some calculations, i’m fairly confident it will be enough to cover moving and expenses, but she explains that “we’re broke” because we can’t put away more money than we have been.
here’s where there’s trouble. she originally suggests serving at a strip club in a city about 1.5 hours away. she did it briefly before we met, and i told her it honestly made me extremely uncomfortable and i wanted to pursue any other option than that. after some days of arguing, she’s adamant that there are none. i originally took the stance of “this is a deal breaker”, but after speaking to my oldest sister (she’s been my sounding board since childhood and basically raised me due to family issues), i realized i was wrong on this one. serving and stripping are 2 very different things, and even though it still made me uncomfortable, that’s because of my own insecurities. i told her we could try her serving at the club and i would keep an open mind and support her. then she tells me she needs to strip - not serve - to make enough money to be comfortable with. this is something that i’m absolutely uncomfortable with, especially given that it’s in a different city (albeit, not terribly far away). now i’m wondering if i need to reassess my thoughts/reactions to her stripping as i did with her serving, however i feel like that is a whole new ball game with vastly different nuances. so, aita? also, i’ll gladly take any perspective from anyone with similar situations.
| 3,180
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dtlm9z/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_cannot/
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2019-11-08 20:51:55
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nah. you don't have to feel comfortable with your gf stripping to make money. your gf however doesn't need your approval to do this. you need to decide if you can still be with her if she's a stripper, or not. simple as that.
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nah
if she wants to strip, she can strip.
but you don't have to date a stripper if you don't want to.
i wouldn't give her an ultimatum per se, but if i were in your shoes i'd very plainly say, "i do not want to continue this relationship if this is the choice you make. i'm not stopping you, but i need to protect myself as well and this is a line i cannot cross."
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sex worker here.
nta. it's ok if you don't want to date a sex worker. dating sex workers is complicated.
be prepared to break up if you hardline it though. she needs to make money and this is her current job prospect.
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nta, these people are saying your the ah are hilarious.
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wtf nta obv..
first she just mentions serving and now stripping?? fishy. i think she wanted stripping all along and was just trying to ease you into it. that's manipulation at least. then you need to understand why she wants stripping that badly. you have to understand if you want to stay with her (i wouldnt).
if you have enough money for the move and she wants more to do whatever then she needs to stop wasting and save more. not "almost" whoring herself. bc that's the next suggestion. serving, stripping then prostitution, it's the only logical progression. (this is my opinion from his story)
point is, her reason isn't valid and this whole thing suggest ulterior motives. to me it's a red flag but you do you. nta
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[deleted]
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nta you told her how it makes you feel. she has the right to work there but if it makes you too uncomfortable and it’s a “deal breaker” in your eyes i think this isn’t the right woman for you.
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nta, your gf misled you. she originally mentioned serving, when you relented she attempted to get a pass on stripping, too. that's classic manipulation. there are plenty of ways to make more money, she is choosing something she genuinely wants to do.
it sounds like she wants a different life. could be she's on the prowl for a sugar daddy.
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of course you're nta. 99% of people would not date a sex worker. your girlfriend is being ridiculous for even floating the idea, let alone insisting on it.
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just because she dances gogo that dont make her a ho no..
nta. look its a deal breaker for you. serving is one thing stripping is another. no-one can tell you that your red lines are wrong. tell her how you feel and she can make her decision based on that.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002566
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey asshole enthusiasts, i need some help. my [26m] girlfriend [24f] and i both have stable jobs that cover bills and allow us the occasional fun trip. she finished college recently and makes less with her degree then she previously did serving. i never finished college due to drug abuse (sober 4 years last month), and i’m currently applying to different school to finish my degree. now, we’re both saving money to move out of state by the summer (end of our lease), as we’re both beyond ready to leave our hometown. we put away money regularly, and after some calculations, i’m fairly confident it will be enough to cover moving and expenses, but she explains that “we’re broke” because we can’t put away more money than we have been. here’s where there’s trouble. she originally suggests serving at a strip club in a city about 1.5 hours away. she did it briefly before we met, and i told her it honestly made me extremely uncomfortable and i wanted to pursue any other option than that. after some days of arguing, she’s adamant that there are none. i originally took the stance of “this is a deal breaker”, but after speaking to my oldest sister (she’s been my sounding board since childhood and basically raised me due to family issues), i realized i was wrong on this one. serving and stripping are 2 very different things, and even though it still made me uncomfortable, that’s because of my own insecurities. i told her we could try her serving at the club and i would keep an open mind and support her. then she tells me she needs to strip - not serve - to make enough money to be comfortable with. this is something that i’m absolutely uncomfortable with, especially given that it’s in a different city (albeit, not terribly far away). now i’m wondering if i need to reassess my thoughts/reactions to her stripping as i did with her serving, however i feel like that is a whole new ball game with vastly different nuances. so, aita? also, i’ll gladly take any perspective from anyone with similar situations.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey asshole enthusiasts, i need some help. my [26m] girlfriend [24f] and i both have stable jobs that cover bills and allow us the occasional fun trip. she finished college recently and makes less with her degree then she previously did serving. i never finished college due to drug abuse (sober 4 years last month), and i’m currently applying to different school to finish my degree. now, we’re both saving money to move out of state by the summer (end of our lease), as we’re both beyond ready to leave our hometown. we put away money regularly, and after some calculations, i’m fairly confident it will be enough to cover moving and expenses, but she explains that “we’re broke” because we can’t put away more money than we have been. here’s where there’s trouble. she originally suggests serving at a strip club in a city about 1.5 hours away. she did it briefly before we met, and i told her it honestly made me extremely uncomfortable and i wanted to pursue any other option than that. after some days of arguing, she’s adamant that there are none. i originally took the stance of “this is a deal breaker”, but after speaking to my oldest sister (she’s been my sounding board since childhood and basically raised me due to family issues), i realized i was wrong on this one. serving and stripping are 2 very different things, and even though it still made me uncomfortable, that’s because of my own insecurities. i told her we could try her serving at the club and i would keep an open mind and support her. then she tells me she needs to strip - not serve - to make enough money to be comfortable with. this is something that i’m absolutely uncomfortable with, especially given that it’s in a different city (albeit, not terribly far away). now i’m wondering if i need to reassess my thoughts/reactions to her stripping as i did with her serving, however i feel like that is a whole new ball game with vastly different nuances. so, aita? also, i’ll gladly take any perspective from anyone with similar situations. [/INST] nah. you don't have to feel comfortable with your gf stripping to make money. your gf however doesn't need your approval to do this. you need to decide if you can still be with her if she's a stripper, or not. simple as that. </s>
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AITA for inviting a guy friend to try an upscale restaurant with me because my boyfriend will only eat fine dining if I’m the one paying?
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my boyfriend jake and i have been dating for a year. he comes from a wealthy family while i don’t, and he is very particular about money. early in our relationship he told me that we shouldn’t give each other gifts that cost over $50 and he doesn’t like dining in expensive restaurants because he says he doesn’t want our relationship to be based on material things and we should focus on saving for the future. i easily agreed because i’m not with him to be given expensive gifts or be wined and dined daily, and i thought it was a great that he wanted to save for the future.
what i didn’t expect is that he would never even ask me to have dinner in a nice restaurant. it was either fast food, a local place (we always split the bill) or for special celebrations he would cook for me himself and we’d have a meal in his apartment. there’s nothing wrong with that, but even just on special occasions, i wish we could go somewhere nice. i get that fine dining is something jake is used to because of his family, but it’s not the norm for me so of course i’m excited to try an upscale restaurant once in a while. he tells me that they’re just overpriced and serve so little food anyway, and the only times he has agreed to go with me are the times when i told him that i would foot the bill for both of us.
i had a tough week at work last week and i really wanted to treat myself this weekend, so when i learned that an upscale restaurant i’ve wanted to try just re-opened, i thought it was a great idea to have dinner there. i’m not swimming in money right now because of unexpected expenses due to the pandemic, so i’m not that excited to be paying for two since i know that jake wouldn’t go if he had to pay for himself much less both of us. so i asked my friend tom, who i know also wants to try that restaurant, if he wants to have dinner there and we can go dutch. he said yes.
when i told jake that i was going to have dinner at that restaurant with tom, he got angry and said i should’ve asked him. i told him that i had no reason to believe that he would have a different answer for me because i’ve asked him to eat at nice restaurants six times in the past and he always says no. the two times he has said yes were after i assured him that i would pay for both of us, and i don’t want to pay for two right now. he told me that if i think $150 is too expensive to spend at a restaurant, then why do i think that it’s alright to spend $75. he says i should just save that money anyway.
am i the asshole?
| 9,443
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqz9zl/aita_for_inviting_a_guy_friend_to_try_an_upscale/
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2020-11-09 15:09:53
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info: is this what you want the rest of your life to look like? because i guarantee you that once you reach the point in your relationship where you share finances with scrooge mcduck and he gets an actual legitimate say in how you spend money, you will never get to do anything fun or frivolous with it again.
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nta jake's reasoning around money makes no sense. i'm okay spending 20$ on pizza, but i think 40 is too much - so should i just not have pizza at all? i'm okay with keeping the thermostat at 68 and paying the electric bill that brings with the ac, but i'm not okay with cooling the place to 63 - so should i just never use ac?
you have a price point you don't want to exceed. that's perfectly fair. jake has been very consistent in not wanting to attend or pay for these meals. it's fine to ask a friend to go instead.
now if jake's concern was "it's a date and it's cheating and tom has a thing for you" that might be different and worth a talk. but jake seems to just be looking for a free ride and is mad you're catching on that while it's fine to agree to not spend over a certain amount - that means there will be things you do to treat yourself that he doesn't benefit from. he wanted no gifts over 50$, so why is he making a stink that you won't spend 75 on his meal?
he has disparaged your interest, he's absolutely treating you like a gold digger while pretty much behaving like one himself, and he's now trying to dictate how you spend your money. none of this is reasonable and healthy relationship behavior.
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nta
first you guys have gotten past the point of him being concerned that your relationship is based on money. it should be based on compromise and he's not doing any.
second are you two financially compatible?
third, take your friend and don't feel bad about it! first he's upset because you didn't ask him and then he's upset because you're not saving the money? he doesn't get it both ways.
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nta. your boyfriend is.
he sounds like one of my mooch friends. who i have since cut contact for semi-related reasons to mooching.
your boyfriend will split the bill for cheap stuff too? even fast food? a meal for two usually wont even run over 20 dollars or come close, at least, where i am at.
he sounds like a cheapskate, and on top of that, he wants to go to fancy restaurants, but only if you pay. thats kind of shitty imo. and i dont even make bank, i make decent money, but i will still cover people if they need it, and will split if they insist. but if i find they wont do the same for me, no food or fancy things for you.
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nta. saving money is good. expecting someone else to pay for your expensive meals is not. your boyfriend is being ridiculous, and you have every right to treat yourself to a good meal without having to pay for his meal as well.
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nta. this is a funny rule for your boyfriend to have, and then get mad at you for circumventing. i think he's borderline an ah for it, because on paper it makes sense and tbh i wouldn't want to pay $75 for one person's meal either, as someone who really doesn't have that kind of money, but where it creeps over to sus is that he has you go dutch on places where the meals are closer to $20-40/per. that's just a little unnecessary- im fine going dutch on occasion, but swapping the bill is just sort of customary in a relationship to treat one another. im also not a fan of him lecturing you on your financial decisions when you guys dont seem to live together/entangle finances- its very controlling and condescending. that said enjoy your dinner with tom, because he seems to be fine with the arrangement.
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nta.
literally $75 is half of $150, and that's why it is alright to spend $75 and not $150. end of argument.
it's fine if he doesn't like fine dining, but it's not okay for him to also say you can't go to nice restaurants without him, and he will only go if you pay, and also that you should save your money. this is a way of controlling you- blocking off all paths for you to do something you like. he also has no right to tell you how to spend your money. $75 for a fun night out once in awhile is totally reasonable if your finances allow it.
you might want to get a new boyfriend though.
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so, let me just get this straight. he does not value nice restaurants anywhere near the extent you do. he won't ever take you out to a nice restaurant. if you have had a hard week and want to treat yourself, you can't unless you treat him too, even though he would never do the same for you? i just can't get a read on his perspective here. has he provided any explanation as to why he feels entitled to a treat when he won't provide and equal one in return?
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nta. this is also throwing up red flags for me. you’re going to spend the entire relationship fighting over money, regardless of the context. not healthy.
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nta
there's a difference between frugal and being a cheap killjoy.
family friends were like this, always saving, never spending. they're dead now and all the money went to relatives they rarely talked to. do you want to live like that?
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend jake and i have been dating for a year. he comes from a wealthy family while i don’t, and he is very particular about money. early in our relationship he told me that we shouldn’t give each other gifts that cost over $50 and he doesn’t like dining in expensive restaurants because he says he doesn’t want our relationship to be based on material things and we should focus on saving for the future. i easily agreed because i’m not with him to be given expensive gifts or be wined and dined daily, and i thought it was a great that he wanted to save for the future. what i didn’t expect is that he would never even ask me to have dinner in a nice restaurant. it was either fast food, a local place (we always split the bill) or for special celebrations he would cook for me himself and we’d have a meal in his apartment. there’s nothing wrong with that, but even just on special occasions, i wish we could go somewhere nice. i get that fine dining is something jake is used to because of his family, but it’s not the norm for me so of course i’m excited to try an upscale restaurant once in a while. he tells me that they’re just overpriced and serve so little food anyway, and the only times he has agreed to go with me are the times when i told him that i would foot the bill for both of us. i had a tough week at work last week and i really wanted to treat myself this weekend, so when i learned that an upscale restaurant i’ve wanted to try just re-opened, i thought it was a great idea to have dinner there. i’m not swimming in money right now because of unexpected expenses due to the pandemic, so i’m not that excited to be paying for two since i know that jake wouldn’t go if he had to pay for himself much less both of us. so i asked my friend tom, who i know also wants to try that restaurant, if he wants to have dinner there and we can go dutch. he said yes. when i told jake that i was going to have dinner at that restaurant with tom, he got angry and said i should’ve asked him. i told him that i had no reason to believe that he would have a different answer for me because i’ve asked him to eat at nice restaurants six times in the past and he always says no. the two times he has said yes were after i assured him that i would pay for both of us, and i don’t want to pay for two right now. he told me that if i think $150 is too expensive to spend at a restaurant, then why do i think that it’s alright to spend $75. he says i should just save that money anyway. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend jake and i have been dating for a year. he comes from a wealthy family while i don’t, and he is very particular about money. early in our relationship he told me that we shouldn’t give each other gifts that cost over $50 and he doesn’t like dining in expensive restaurants because he says he doesn’t want our relationship to be based on material things and we should focus on saving for the future. i easily agreed because i’m not with him to be given expensive gifts or be wined and dined daily, and i thought it was a great that he wanted to save for the future. what i didn’t expect is that he would never even ask me to have dinner in a nice restaurant. it was either fast food, a local place (we always split the bill) or for special celebrations he would cook for me himself and we’d have a meal in his apartment. there’s nothing wrong with that, but even just on special occasions, i wish we could go somewhere nice. i get that fine dining is something jake is used to because of his family, but it’s not the norm for me so of course i’m excited to try an upscale restaurant once in a while. he tells me that they’re just overpriced and serve so little food anyway, and the only times he has agreed to go with me are the times when i told him that i would foot the bill for both of us. i had a tough week at work last week and i really wanted to treat myself this weekend, so when i learned that an upscale restaurant i’ve wanted to try just re-opened, i thought it was a great idea to have dinner there. i’m not swimming in money right now because of unexpected expenses due to the pandemic, so i’m not that excited to be paying for two since i know that jake wouldn’t go if he had to pay for himself much less both of us. so i asked my friend tom, who i know also wants to try that restaurant, if he wants to have dinner there and we can go dutch. he said yes. when i told jake that i was going to have dinner at that restaurant with tom, he got angry and said i should’ve asked him. i told him that i had no reason to believe that he would have a different answer for me because i’ve asked him to eat at nice restaurants six times in the past and he always says no. the two times he has said yes were after i assured him that i would pay for both of us, and i don’t want to pay for two right now. he told me that if i think $150 is too expensive to spend at a restaurant, then why do i think that it’s alright to spend $75. he says i should just save that money anyway. am i the asshole? [/INST] info: is this what you want the rest of your life to look like? because i guarantee you that once you reach the point in your relationship where you share finances with scrooge mcduck and he gets an actual legitimate say in how you spend money, you will never get to do anything fun or frivolous with it again. </s>
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AITA for possibly stealing from a convenience store multiple times and not saying anything about it.
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for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons.
about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free.
i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita?
| 26,927
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ckndum/aita_for_possibly_stealing_from_a_convenience/
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2019-08-01 11:55:28
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nah - i wouldn't call you an ass hole. you're doing the process they required for the rewards program. it's not your fault it's flawed and no one has caught on.
for reference, i used to work for a call center for a large cable company. a guy called in every single month to find out what his bill was for the previous month. for 3 years, his apartment complex paid this bill without billing him for it. so he just stored the money in a savings account, just in case.
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after the update yti (you're the idiot).
and hard boiled eggs at a convenience store?? wtf? i love eggs, anyway possible, but from a convenience store???
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lol @ that update.
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nah but you probably wanna check they haven't signed you up for a rewards credit card and you're just creating a big bill.
i've had a rewards card that's a rewards credit card and you just pay off the balance when you pay, but this cashier might not know that or care, so you're just creating a huge bill
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i'm dying 😂 did you really buy $400 worth of eggs at a gas station??
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thanks for the update.
i suggest you could make your fortune writing comical short stories and need not want to eggs ever again.
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oh dear god this was a fucking glorious read!
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well this is after your update so almost a moot point. but i really want to comment regardless for two reasons.
first, your update is pretty funny and well written, i appreciate the amusement this morning.
second, yta. if the situation were reversed (you being charged for things you weren't getting) you would have it corrected, right? don't be a hypocrite / thief (if something like this actually happens and doesn't end up being a gift card that is.)
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yta. proteins *are* amino acids. you don’t need to specify both in this instance.
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[deleted]
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
| null | null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.421875
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons. about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free. i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons. about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free. i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita? [/INST] nah - i wouldn't call you an ass hole. you're doing the process they required for the rewards program. it's not your fault it's flawed and no one has caught on. for reference, i used to work for a call center for a large cable company. a guy called in every single month to find out what his bill was for the previous month. for 3 years, his apartment complex paid this bill without billing him for it. so he just stored the money in a savings account, just in case. </s>
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WIBTA if I asked a friend not to share their good news in front of my son?
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my wife and i have a son who, due to a medical condition, is on an extemely strict low carb diet. he generally does well but at times he feels really lonely and jealous of others (especially when we're out and other kids have ice cream etc.). he's also just starting to get to an age where he feels self concious and worries people will think he's weird because of his food restrictions.
a year or so ago my wife and i were able to connect with another couple who also have a son (similar age) with the same condition and diet. this connection helped my son immensely as he felt so much better not being alone with his restrictions.
recently, their son was able to find a medication that allowed him to come off the diet. this is not an option right now for our son. they are understandably estatic for their son and have been sending us all kinds of pictures of him eating doughnuts, candy, etc. we have responded very positively to them and expressed our shared happiness for them but we have not told our son as we fear this would make him feel really alone and down on himself for still having to deal with the restrictions.
they are kind people but somewhat tone deaf and sometimes accidentally say some really insensitive things (for example when we got pregnant, they said 'omg are you afraid your next baby might have thr same problems?! we would never risk having a second child!".
they have been trying to get together with us and keep pushing for it to be around a mealtime, which ive been avoiding for fear that they might have their son eating something really carb heavy (likely thinking that would make us happy to see him be able to eat that way) or might say something tone deaf about our son having to be on the diet still and it would make our son feel really bad.
the reality is, if they dont mention it and dont feed their son something really carb obvious (like pizza, cake, etc.) our son probably wouldnt even notice and it would be a non issue.
wibta if i asked them ahead of time to please not mention their son getting off the diet while we are together and to feed him something not super in our face carb loaded? i dont want them to think we are not happy for them or that im policing their behavior, but i also know that my son goes through enough that protecting this information from him is important right now.
| 3,912
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cuszoq/wibta_if_i_asked_a_friend_not_to_share_their_good/
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2019-08-24 12:49:20
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nah, **for a one-time exception**, while you figure out how to adjust... but you're going to have to tell your son eventually. ywbta if you ask them to *continue* to hide it whenever they want to spend time with you. you could ask them to still avoid things that might count as "in your face," but you need to prepare your son for that possibility.
ask your doctor (and these friends) if there are any relevant support groups or places you could find others with similarly restrictive diets.
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info - how old is your son? if he's very young it's fine to ask, but if he's getting a bit older, this is a time to teach him that it's possible to be a supportive friend and be happy for others even when you're suffering.
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nah. they're obviously ecstatic about the improvement in their son's condition and want to share the news with their friends. you are looking out for your son's mental health and a friendly request to keep the news from your son for the time being shouldn't be an issue.
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nah but you should figure out a way to tell this news to your son.
this could end up being a great personal and social learning experience for your child. he should be able to grow learning to accept and to be happy towards other people’s progresses and successes. envy is natural but he also will have to learn how to live with many emotions.
while he may continue feeling lonely with his condition he still has a chance at remaining good friends with another kid who understands where your son is coming from and be able to have a friendship based on something other than just diet alone. he’s made a friend and that doesn’t have to change because the other child can eat donuts now.
so go ahead and let your friends know how you feel and ask them to give you some time to chat with your son, and maybe ask them to talk to their kid about staying humble in the friendship.
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this is a tough one, but yta. you need to tell your son eventually. your idea seems like a short term solution to a long term problem.
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info, why can't your son be on this same medication?
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i’m gonna say yta (but your hearts in the right place) because you can’t just hide this forever, especially if both of the kids are friends. you need to sit down with your son and explain this to him, and he’ll still have a friend who knows what he’s going through and will be able to support him. sometimes life ain’t fair - one kid is able to control his condition and another isn’t. it happens.
on a side note, there are a lot of recipes out there for low carb treats. they’re not like good for you, but if your son is upset others get to eat treats and junk foods around him, why don’t you try making some of those for him? obviously they’d likely still need to be in moderation but it’s an option for him when others get to eat carb heavy stuff.
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yta - its not about them, its about your son to learn how to deal with it in life.he needs to understand, to accept and to learn how to deal with his problems and dont blame others.people wont look at him in a bad way if he has health issues, but they will def avoid him if he is ass about that.thing is dont isolate him.teach him about it so he can understand and properly live with it.example for me is that i had some issues with knees, and when i go to gym i dont tell people: dont do leg workout in front of me.i adjust weight and adjust it so it fits me.thats the proper way for dealing with problems.
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nah. but you are a lawnmower parent, mowing down obstacles that your child will eventually have to learn skills to cope with.
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you're not an ah just for asking, hopefully they'd be sensitive to your son's feelings. they're just excited for their kid; they might be a little tone deaf, but it seems unintentional. so nah. seems like the easiest thing to do might be to insist on the meet-up not taking place at mealtime?
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
|
NAH
| 0.586625
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have a son who, due to a medical condition, is on an extemely strict low carb diet. he generally does well but at times he feels really lonely and jealous of others (especially when we're out and other kids have ice cream etc.). he's also just starting to get to an age where he feels self concious and worries people will think he's weird because of his food restrictions. a year or so ago my wife and i were able to connect with another couple who also have a son (similar age) with the same condition and diet. this connection helped my son immensely as he felt so much better not being alone with his restrictions. recently, their son was able to find a medication that allowed him to come off the diet. this is not an option right now for our son. they are understandably estatic for their son and have been sending us all kinds of pictures of him eating doughnuts, candy, etc. we have responded very positively to them and expressed our shared happiness for them but we have not told our son as we fear this would make him feel really alone and down on himself for still having to deal with the restrictions. they are kind people but somewhat tone deaf and sometimes accidentally say some really insensitive things (for example when we got pregnant, they said 'omg are you afraid your next baby might have thr same problems?! we would never risk having a second child!". they have been trying to get together with us and keep pushing for it to be around a mealtime, which ive been avoiding for fear that they might have their son eating something really carb heavy (likely thinking that would make us happy to see him be able to eat that way) or might say something tone deaf about our son having to be on the diet still and it would make our son feel really bad. the reality is, if they dont mention it and dont feed their son something really carb obvious (like pizza, cake, etc.) our son probably wouldnt even notice and it would be a non issue. wibta if i asked them ahead of time to please not mention their son getting off the diet while we are together and to feed him something not super in our face carb loaded? i dont want them to think we are not happy for them or that im policing their behavior, but i also know that my son goes through enough that protecting this information from him is important right now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a son who, due to a medical condition, is on an extemely strict low carb diet. he generally does well but at times he feels really lonely and jealous of others (especially when we're out and other kids have ice cream etc.). he's also just starting to get to an age where he feels self concious and worries people will think he's weird because of his food restrictions. a year or so ago my wife and i were able to connect with another couple who also have a son (similar age) with the same condition and diet. this connection helped my son immensely as he felt so much better not being alone with his restrictions. recently, their son was able to find a medication that allowed him to come off the diet. this is not an option right now for our son. they are understandably estatic for their son and have been sending us all kinds of pictures of him eating doughnuts, candy, etc. we have responded very positively to them and expressed our shared happiness for them but we have not told our son as we fear this would make him feel really alone and down on himself for still having to deal with the restrictions. they are kind people but somewhat tone deaf and sometimes accidentally say some really insensitive things (for example when we got pregnant, they said 'omg are you afraid your next baby might have thr same problems?! we would never risk having a second child!". they have been trying to get together with us and keep pushing for it to be around a mealtime, which ive been avoiding for fear that they might have their son eating something really carb heavy (likely thinking that would make us happy to see him be able to eat that way) or might say something tone deaf about our son having to be on the diet still and it would make our son feel really bad. the reality is, if they dont mention it and dont feed their son something really carb obvious (like pizza, cake, etc.) our son probably wouldnt even notice and it would be a non issue. wibta if i asked them ahead of time to please not mention their son getting off the diet while we are together and to feed him something not super in our face carb loaded? i dont want them to think we are not happy for them or that im policing their behavior, but i also know that my son goes through enough that protecting this information from him is important right now. [/INST] nah, **for a one-time exception**, while you figure out how to adjust... but you're going to have to tell your son eventually. ywbta if you ask them to *continue* to hide it whenever they want to spend time with you. you could ask them to still avoid things that might count as "in your face," but you need to prepare your son for that possibility. ask your doctor (and these friends) if there are any relevant support groups or places you could find others with similarly restrictive diets. </s>
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AITA for calling my wife a “b*tch” for being rude to our son?
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my wife and i have a son who just turned 13 about a week ago. he also started puberty and had been really really emotional. he has mood swings and will often be snappy, which cause my wife to yell at him. i try and tell her that he’s just going through a tough time and can’t help it, but she doesn’t listen. the other night, they got in a big fight. they were screaming at each other over something stupid. i intervened and tried to call it down, but just escalated it.
it ended up with my son going to his room and staying there until after we went to bed. some time around 2am, he came into our room like a toddler. he said he was sorry and is just confused. he crawled into bed in between us, but my wife got on to him. she told him he should’ve been better earlier, and couldn’t sleep with us. this upset him even more and he started to leave, but i stopped him. i let him sleep on my side of the bed, as soon as he laid down, he started crying and saying he was sorry. i told him that i’m not mad and everything will be okay.
the next morning, i talked to my wife about what happened. she said she’s still mad at him for yelling and won’t accept his apology because, “if he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.” i was pissed and told her he was just going through a tough time and was confused. i told her she was being a bitch and left for work.
i feel bad now, but she was just being mean to him. aita?
| 3,703
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/im879r/aita_for_calling_my_wife_a_btch_for_being_rude_to/
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2020-09-04 03:08:38
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esh teenagers by definition are difficult to deal with and are notoriously ahs but you’re right he’s not fully in control and when he regained his composure he apologized as best and sincerely as he could. you’re a bit of an ah for name calling your wife but she wins the biggest ah for sure. she sounds less mature than your son and should at least try to have some love and compassion for him. if she doesn’t make some major changes he will want nothing to do with her sooner rather than later
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esh. it was kind of bad you called her that. being a teenager isn't an excuse for bad behavior, but your son did the right thing by apologizing.
info: is there something else going on with your son? sleeping in your parents' bed at 13 is a bit unusual. i'm not saying it's bad or weird, but something else may be freaking him out.
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a bit of both - you were absolutely right to stand up for your son. however, your kids should never hear you call their mother a derogatory name.
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nta. by her logic, she’s never made a mistake & has to apologize for it because “if she was sorry she wouldn’t have done it”.
everyone goes through puberty and she most likely had the same moodiness and outbursts too. good on you for sticking up for your son
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nta. i don't follow her logic at all - “if he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.” if he wouldn't have done it, he would have had nothing to be sorry for in the first place.
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info: what was the argument they got into the other day about? you claim it was something stupid, but it clearly wasn't stupid to them since it turned into a screaming match with your wife still being upset about it. it's extremely weird to me that no one else has even thought to ask this question.
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esh. you’re wife sucks because she needs to learn how to deal with a teenager without escalating until it’s a screaming match and she should of just told him she stills loves him and that they could talk in the morning. you suck because you undermined your wife, are excusing your son’s behavior, and acted like a child with name calling. learn how to be an adult, voice your concerns and don’t resort to name calling when someone doesn’t agree with you. just say, “i don’t agree and we need to talk more later.” then leave and talk about it later after tempers have cooled.
yes, he’s going through puberty like every other teen on the planet. this is the time you need to step up and teach him how to deal with it. not cater to or excuse behavior from it. a 13 year old shouldn’t be running to his mom and dad’s room at 2am because they had an argument earlier. that’s being dramatic, impulsive, and self-centered, in other words a moody teen that needs to learn better ways of dealing with strong emotions.
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esh. but honestly if he’s being disrespectful it needs to be addressed. just because he’s going through puberty doesn’t mean he can’t control himself somewhat. puberty was super hard for me and my mom, but i always tried to catch myself or stop myself from saying something i knew would get her angry. your son is 13 though, he should be in his bed, just because he’s sorry doesn’t mean someone wants to be awoken at that hour and then have another human sleep where you are just peacefully sleeping. you shouldn’t have called her a bitch when she’s taking the brute force of your sons attitude problem. she’s getting yelled at and snapped at, from what it seems
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nta. you're sticking up for your son when his mom is coming down on him way too hard during a very sensitive time in his life. you're a good dad.
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info is this repetitive behavior? that's the only reason i can understand your wife saying if he were sorry he wouldn't have done it.
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
|
INFO
| 0.519381
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have a son who just turned 13 about a week ago. he also started puberty and had been really really emotional. he has mood swings and will often be snappy, which cause my wife to yell at him. i try and tell her that he’s just going through a tough time and can’t help it, but she doesn’t listen. the other night, they got in a big fight. they were screaming at each other over something stupid. i intervened and tried to call it down, but just escalated it. it ended up with my son going to his room and staying there until after we went to bed. some time around 2am, he came into our room like a toddler. he said he was sorry and is just confused. he crawled into bed in between us, but my wife got on to him. she told him he should’ve been better earlier, and couldn’t sleep with us. this upset him even more and he started to leave, but i stopped him. i let him sleep on my side of the bed, as soon as he laid down, he started crying and saying he was sorry. i told him that i’m not mad and everything will be okay. the next morning, i talked to my wife about what happened. she said she’s still mad at him for yelling and won’t accept his apology because, “if he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.” i was pissed and told her he was just going through a tough time and was confused. i told her she was being a bitch and left for work. i feel bad now, but she was just being mean to him. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a son who just turned 13 about a week ago. he also started puberty and had been really really emotional. he has mood swings and will often be snappy, which cause my wife to yell at him. i try and tell her that he’s just going through a tough time and can’t help it, but she doesn’t listen. the other night, they got in a big fight. they were screaming at each other over something stupid. i intervened and tried to call it down, but just escalated it. it ended up with my son going to his room and staying there until after we went to bed. some time around 2am, he came into our room like a toddler. he said he was sorry and is just confused. he crawled into bed in between us, but my wife got on to him. she told him he should’ve been better earlier, and couldn’t sleep with us. this upset him even more and he started to leave, but i stopped him. i let him sleep on my side of the bed, as soon as he laid down, he started crying and saying he was sorry. i told him that i’m not mad and everything will be okay. the next morning, i talked to my wife about what happened. she said she’s still mad at him for yelling and won’t accept his apology because, “if he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.” i was pissed and told her he was just going through a tough time and was confused. i told her she was being a bitch and left for work. i feel bad now, but she was just being mean to him. aita? [/INST] esh teenagers by definition are difficult to deal with and are notoriously ahs but you’re right he’s not fully in control and when he regained his composure he apologized as best and sincerely as he could. you’re a bit of an ah for name calling your wife but she wins the biggest ah for sure. she sounds less mature than your son and should at least try to have some love and compassion for him. if she doesn’t make some major changes he will want nothing to do with her sooner rather than later </s>
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AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?
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hello!
i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest.
the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.
before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university.
they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say.
i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
| 31,842
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vu7te5/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_husband_for_messing/
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2022-07-08 10:43:20
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nta
holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately.
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nta honey, i'll be straight with you: your husband is abusive. he wants to control what you do and does not support your success. please tell your place of study that you missed the exam because you are in an abusive relationship. leave him as soon as it's safe and do not have a baby with this man.
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nta - he did this totally out of spite knowing it would cause you to be late to your exam. you are right, university doesn't last forever and you will be able to go out and do more fun things when it's over.
might be worth reminding him that it's actually going to be longer until you can do that now that you've missed your exam.
on an unrelated note, if you just simply didn't want to go that should also be fine? he doesn't need you to hold his hand everywhere. he seems disrespectful of your time, your work and your autonomy.
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he punished you because you didn't obey him. he tried to sabotage your degree (or at least passing a class) worth thousands of dollars... because you didn't obey him. nta, but i would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with a man who feels entitled to do this. i also wouldn't trust him for a long as time, if ever again. set your alarm on your phone and change your passcode so he can't get to it. make sure your bank account is separate.
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jesus christ, he sabotaged you. how on earth is this your fault? this is actually evil, immature, childish, conniving. you're nta at all. how badly will this affect your grade?
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i usually hate all of the "get a divorce" reactions to anything but a man teaching you a lesson because you refuse to do as he says... do you hear it yourself?
he was willing to screw with your grade. your future. because he feels entitled to teach you a lesson. what if you get a job that interferes with his idea of social life? are you willing to risk getting fired for his next stunt?
so stay if you like but he must have learned his lesson for that. so whatever you do, make sure the consequences now are strong enough for him to reconsider next time.
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oh, good grief. nta.
consider a temporary separation until you get through university.
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that's a divorce level sabotage of your degree.
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nta. your husband thinks a *party* is more important than your academic future. not even a party for someone important to *you*. *his* friend. and when you tell him you can't accommodate that, he takes it upon himself to punish you.
do you have somewhere else to stay? if not, can you talk to your school and find out if there are resources available to you? he's throwing red flags **all** over the place, and if you don't at *least* make sure you can complete your remaining tests in peace, i'm worried you're going to find yourself in a situation where you're unable to graduate and are totally dependent on a guy who thinks it's okay to bully you into doing what he wants.
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nta.
he’s sabotaging your academic future, which is also tied to your career. he’s doing this deliberately.
this isn’t just about ‘you wouldn’t give me an hour so i took an hour because i’m upset’. it’s about controlling you and sabotaging something which could give you independence from him. it’s actually really, really serious. it’s coercive control, which is a form of abuse.
any person who thinks they have a right to ‘teach a lesson’ to their spouse is a giant red flag. that isn’t how you resolve disputes. but he chose to do so knowing the consequences for you would be potentially disastrous - in my universities, you would have failed that exam and be capped at a failing grade even if you sat it later. which would have a disastrous effect on overall degree results because last year counts for the most.
you didn’t deserve what he did and you didn’t overreact. this would genuinely be divorce territory for me, because he is trying to sabotage your future. a decent spouse is supportive of their partner doing things like education or work - he is trying to ruin it for you. it isn’t just about the party, he’s upset because you’ve been assertive and set boundaries and he hasn’t been able to control you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right. [/INST] nta holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately. </s>
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AITA for secretly feeding my sister vegetables?
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my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread.
as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it.
it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables?
**
| 26,234
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duadu9/aita_for_secretly_feeding_my_sister_vegetables/
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2019-11-10 11:33:05
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nta. you were trying to save your sister's life/health, and your mom should not have yelled at you. frankly, your mother's refusal to enforce a healthy diet on your sister verges on child abuse/neglect. i can't pretend to understand her motives, but her behavior is incredibly irresponsible.
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**nta** \- can you cook for me lol? but for real i mean you are the cook, your sister doesn't have to eat it if she doesn't like it not like your forcing it down her throat... but obviously your good enough of a cook to make veggies taste good so i don't see why your mom has a problem with it. i don't understand your sisters logic though, if something tastes really good yet has veggies in it will she just not eat it out of pure spite of veggies? idk ur mom sounds like an ultra boomer haha.
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nta. if she was vegan and you were sneaking meat into her food, that would be a different matter but getting a few veggies down her isn't a problem. it sounds like she has the eating habits of a toddler so treating her a such sounds reasonable to me.
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esh. she’s 16 not five; you’re trying to help but she needs a long term sustainable solution. which is probably a nutritionist to scare the hell out of her. your mum shouldn’t be yelling at you for good intentions. your sister is troubled.
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>she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!!
i had the same symptoms which turned out to be caused by my thyroid becoming underactive as a side effect of some meds i was on. if she hasn't already, it might be a good idea for her to get her thyroid function checked.
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nta. diabetes isn’t the only thing she has to worry about: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/picky-teen-goes-blind-after-diet-of-only-fries-and-chips-study-says-20190904-p52noe.html
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nta you seem to be the only person in her life actually trying to help her.
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hey i don’t have a judgment but i suggest getting your sisters real weight. i’m 5’3” and 175lbs and my doctors don’t even say anything about my weight anymore. maybe it’s because i’m active and a cosmetologist so i’m moving all the time, but if these issues are happening to her at 170-180lbs there might be deeper issues than what she eats. i personally have pcos and at one time was 270lbs. i lost weight because i found out i have celiacs and cut out all breads and fast food. even with eating no bread or desserts for two years i cannot get below 170/180 without a regular work out routine.
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this is not at all related to my ethical dilemma lol but i am getting a lot of pms asking me for my recipes and i am all for encouraging healthy eating haha. i don't really follow recipes, i just adapt recipes i find online and change stuff along the way so this is the best i can explain:
**pumpkin-carrot cheese sauce**: i adapted this recipe from the vegan mac & cheese recipe of chocolate covered katie (literally the first link that pops up on google search when you google "vegan mac & cheese"). but instead of purely using pumpkin puree i used 1/2 pumpkin puree and 1/2 carrot puree (pumpkin is kinda starchy i think so i wanted to add something more nutritious). then instead of cashews i used silken tofu (i read that cashews are high-calorie and pretty fatty even if it's the good kind of fat), the texture came out creamy and you can't really taste the tofu once you add the nutritional yeast (aka vegan cheese) so be liberal with the yeast for that cheese flavor
**green smoothies**: honestly the best way to fill yourself with greens without actually tasting the greens. do not use watery fruits like apples/watermelons/pears—have tried adding these before and just makes it taste disgusting. bananas/avocados are a great creamy base and then you can add fruits that match it like bananas+strawberry or avocado+peaches and blend them with a non-dairy milk (i use oat milk) then add a handful of leafy greens (i usually use spinach and romaine lettuce.) if you like matcha then mango+bananas+coconut milk (full cream) and spinach is the best combo, then you can add as much matcha powder as you like. if you don't like non-dairy milk then whey powder is also a good option, i personally use a berry flavored whey powder and mix it with a frozen banana, oat milk, and spinach!
**cauliflower fried rice**: you can get any ole' fried rice recipe and just switch out the rice for 1/2 rice and 1/2 crushed cauliflower. crushing the cauliflower in a food processor is the easiest way but you can do it by hand, it's just time-consuming. you can also replace the rice entirely with cauliflower if you like. saute the cauliflower (and rice if you're still adding it) with some garlic and white onions, then add 1 meat (shrimp, chicken strips, beef cubes, etc) and some vegetables of your choice (brocolli, cauliflower, diced carrots, etc). when i made this for my sister i just used shrimp lol.
&#x200b;
please live healthy lives!!! diabetes is awful!!
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esh. you have good intentions, but i don’t think dishonesty and food tampering is the way to help someone.
food issues can be like drug addictions. you can’t coerce, trick, beg, shame, or educate someone into getting help or changing their diet if they don’t want to. it has to come from a place of true self-motivation. i know it’s hard and it’s really, really frustrating when someone you love is hurting themselves and won’t listen to advise, but sneaking vegetables into her meal is not going to make her magically want to change. it will just cause distrust and resentment.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.124463
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread. as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it. it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread. as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it. it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables? ** [/INST] nta. you were trying to save your sister's life/health, and your mom should not have yelled at you. frankly, your mother's refusal to enforce a healthy diet on your sister verges on child abuse/neglect. i can't pretend to understand her motives, but her behavior is incredibly irresponsible. </s>
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AITA for inviting my (29M) Girlfriend (28F) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her)
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hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law.
my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.
when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed.
she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.
| 21,988
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o94ms2/aita_for_inviting_my_29m_girlfriend_28f_on_an/
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2021-06-27 20:11:29
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yta.
you make three times what she does. you knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. you planned the holiday/the activities. she even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day.
don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you.
i think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. she probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals.
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yta dude come on, your gf had to take a second job to keep up with your family. you heard her stomach yt you didn't think she may not have the cash? god, your not the brightest are you. you make over 100,000 more than her and don't even treat her to a holiday. ya it's not going to work. your blind to your gfs struggling. help her
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yta 100%. she went because she loves your stupid ass. she worked a second job and went hungry to be with you and your family. maybe you and your family should have some empathy and consider that not everyone is making six figures. teachers are drastically underpaid for their education and often have to take a second job. public servants who teach children are devalued and in this case her own boyfriend and his family couldn’t care less that she was making huge sacrifices to attend. your job is to be a good partner. you failed.
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yta and other commenters have done a good job of explaining why so i'm just going to respond to you "i don't know why she agreed to come" line.
uh... because you're her boyfriend and she wants a life with you rather than two separate lives due to your income disparity?
she's right. this is never going to work long term if you can't either a.) partially pay for her or b.) reduce the cost of the things you do so that she can afford to pay her portion. where exactly do you see this going otherwise?
this girl worked two jobs and ate 2 meals a day to spend a vacation with you and your family and all you can say is "well she just should have stayed home"?
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forget being yta , you made your girl work an extra job and left her starving in her room alone.... as her bf you didn’t once feel the need to take care of her? you literally left your women hungry and alone .... who does that to the person they love. i hope she leaves your ass
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yta. it's pretty disgusting that she is willing to jump through all these hoops, miss meals, skip events, put herself in debt, all to spend time with you. but you with all your wealth aren't willing to even buy her lunch. sometimes being part of a relationship means giving up something you have to show how special the other person is to you. it sounds to me like you would be totally ok with her telling you up front that she will not go on the vacation because she can't afford it. meaning you would still go and leave her behind. that's not a real relationship. the right thing to do would have been to offer to help pay the moment you found out she planned to get a second job just to spend extra time with you. you don't love or care about her which is the bottom line. the more a man loves a woman the more of him he wants to give to her.
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wow yta you sound like a pompous ass. to be fair she should have just stayed home because she could not afford to pay for a vacation you and your brother planned without any consideration for her finacial situation. don't worry, i suspect she'll be your ex-girlfriend soon.
"my family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. "
are you obtuse? you don't make reservations where someone on the trip can not afford. as i said, she'll be well rid of you shortly and you will be a someone she and her friends joke about when they play "can you top this jerk i dated".
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**your incomes are not 50/50, so why do you expect your financial contributions to be that way?**
she’s trying her best to participate with you all on gatherings and trips, even taking on extra work to help pay for it. i don’t get it. you could easily pay her way, and it’d be no skin off your teeth.
yta and soon to be single.
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yta - you saw her skipping meals and at no point said "it's okay, this one's on me."
you let her take on a second job when it's something you invited her to, not that she was asking you to spoil her. if you guys are doing 50/50 it would make a lot more sense that you at least pay 3x as much as her to account for what portion of your pay it takes up.
it's probably embarrassing for her to admit this is all expensive, but also seriously- man up and just pay. i would have dumped you after thr first such outing if i were her.
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yta. you know she really had no idea how much things were going to cost. she makes $45k a year she hasn’t been living the highlife in another country. i can’t imagine going on a vacation with my so, someone i care about (do you?), then all jaunting off for expeditions and leaving her alone for 1/2 the time. then taking her to restaurants you know she can’t afford . and watching her starve herself to be able to go the other 2 times…? surely you are making this up. you can’t be this clueless at age 29.
i think this is so fake but here’s your judgement
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law. my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed. she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law. my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed. she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue. [/INST] yta. you make three times what she does. you knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. you planned the holiday/the activities. she even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day. don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you. i think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. she probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals. </s>
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AITA for being ‘openly hostile’ towards my wife’s family?
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my wife (30f) and i (30m) got married three years back. we’ve known each other since high school. growing up, i was a very open and social person. i used to be all smiles and laughter. then certain ...things happened, that made me realise that it’s probably best to keep my feelings and emotions to myself and i became a lot sober. however, this soberness is only for strangers and i’m still the same person i was back then with my wife and other people i’m close to. i tend to get more relaxed.. or more myself, when i become comfortable with someone.
unfortunately,my wife’s family aren’t people i’m comfortable with or close to. we all don’t function on the same frequencies and there’s a lot awkwardness. my wife knows this and she’s never asked me to form some sort of bond with her family. she’s fine as long as i’m civil to them; which i am. in family dinners etc, i do try to go out of my way to be nice and feel at home, but i guess that comes off as fake since her sister has called me out on it. the sister (34f) is always making comments like ‘what happened to you? you used to be so happy back then,’ or ‘loosen up.’
last night was one such family gathering, and i was the one taking care of our two year old son, that way my wife could enjoy with her relatives and i could be with someone i like spending time with. the sister comes up to me, looks at my son playing and says,’ he’s such a happy child. i hope he doesn’t take his personality from you.’ i asked her what she meant by that and she explained that she wishes he takes after my wife in terms of personality and not me because she doesn’t want him to lead a *unhappy life* .
now, normally i laugh off her snide remarks because they don’t bother me, but i felt she crossed a line by involving our son into this. so i said,’i’m actually a very happy person, linda. just not that happy around you.’
she made a scene and accused me of being openly hostile towards her and her family. wife backed me up and said that linda deserved it. linda’s husband thinks that i was probably tired of being fake and that’s why i ‘exploded’. wife’s parents were being neutral.
so aita?
| 1,278
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iisi16/aita_for_being_openly_hostile_towards_my_wifes/
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2020-08-29 13:37:04
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info
>then certain ...things happened, that made me realise that it’s probably best to keep my feelings and emotions to myself and i became a lot sober.
what does this mean? did your wife’s family do you something to you that caused you to keep them at arm’s length?
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this story is so weird. by your description, you are being reserved but cordial. and yet, linda and her husband think you are faking. faking what? faking being reserved? is that a thing? faking being cordial? also not a thing. what do they think you are faking?
was your wife's family involved in the "certain ... things"? if not, then your change in demeanor probably does seem really weird. if they were, then can you simply have your wife explain that you don't want a repeat of whatever happened last time?
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info is your wife's family aware of whatever happened to change your demeanor?
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> wife backed me up and said that linda deserved it. linda’s husband thinks that i was probably tired of being fake and that’s why i ‘exploded’. wife’s parents were being neutral.
if i read this right. linda has a history of being a huge unforgiveable jerk that is so bloody apparent that her own sister thinks she deserves being told she's unlikeable, and her own husband can see where you're coming from. even her parents are like, "i'm not involved in this."
this all suggests to me that you're not "openly hostile" to anyone, you're just tired of putting up with bullshit from a shite sil.
nta
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nta. she made nasty comments towards you but then claimed you were being hostile? one tends to reap what one sows.
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nta- wow linda needs to pump those brakes! good for you!
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nta. linda has a little game she's playing, where she can antagonize you but you're not allowed to respond in kind or suddenly she's the victim. you have the support of your spouse and her parents aren't touching it with a ten-foot pole, which means that they probably think you were right in finally snapping. feel free to apologize to everyone else for the drama, but don't apologize for not letting linda keep playing her little game.
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nta. she majorly crossed a line by continuing to insult you. you put her in her place.
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nta - she said a rude remark, why the fuck can’t you? lol
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nta. shut up, linda
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INFO
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (30f) and i (30m) got married three years back. we’ve known each other since high school. growing up, i was a very open and social person. i used to be all smiles and laughter. then certain ...things happened, that made me realise that it’s probably best to keep my feelings and emotions to myself and i became a lot sober. however, this soberness is only for strangers and i’m still the same person i was back then with my wife and other people i’m close to. i tend to get more relaxed.. or more myself, when i become comfortable with someone. unfortunately,my wife’s family aren’t people i’m comfortable with or close to. we all don’t function on the same frequencies and there’s a lot awkwardness. my wife knows this and she’s never asked me to form some sort of bond with her family. she’s fine as long as i’m civil to them; which i am. in family dinners etc, i do try to go out of my way to be nice and feel at home, but i guess that comes off as fake since her sister has called me out on it. the sister (34f) is always making comments like ‘what happened to you? you used to be so happy back then,’ or ‘loosen up.’ last night was one such family gathering, and i was the one taking care of our two year old son, that way my wife could enjoy with her relatives and i could be with someone i like spending time with. the sister comes up to me, looks at my son playing and says,’ he’s such a happy child. i hope he doesn’t take his personality from you.’ i asked her what she meant by that and she explained that she wishes he takes after my wife in terms of personality and not me because she doesn’t want him to lead a *unhappy life* . now, normally i laugh off her snide remarks because they don’t bother me, but i felt she crossed a line by involving our son into this. so i said,’i’m actually a very happy person, linda. just not that happy around you.’ she made a scene and accused me of being openly hostile towards her and her family. wife backed me up and said that linda deserved it. linda’s husband thinks that i was probably tired of being fake and that’s why i ‘exploded’. wife’s parents were being neutral. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (30f) and i (30m) got married three years back. we’ve known each other since high school. growing up, i was a very open and social person. i used to be all smiles and laughter. then certain ...things happened, that made me realise that it’s probably best to keep my feelings and emotions to myself and i became a lot sober. however, this soberness is only for strangers and i’m still the same person i was back then with my wife and other people i’m close to. i tend to get more relaxed.. or more myself, when i become comfortable with someone. unfortunately,my wife’s family aren’t people i’m comfortable with or close to. we all don’t function on the same frequencies and there’s a lot awkwardness. my wife knows this and she’s never asked me to form some sort of bond with her family. she’s fine as long as i’m civil to them; which i am. in family dinners etc, i do try to go out of my way to be nice and feel at home, but i guess that comes off as fake since her sister has called me out on it. the sister (34f) is always making comments like ‘what happened to you? you used to be so happy back then,’ or ‘loosen up.’ last night was one such family gathering, and i was the one taking care of our two year old son, that way my wife could enjoy with her relatives and i could be with someone i like spending time with. the sister comes up to me, looks at my son playing and says,’ he’s such a happy child. i hope he doesn’t take his personality from you.’ i asked her what she meant by that and she explained that she wishes he takes after my wife in terms of personality and not me because she doesn’t want him to lead a *unhappy life* . now, normally i laugh off her snide remarks because they don’t bother me, but i felt she crossed a line by involving our son into this. so i said,’i’m actually a very happy person, linda. just not that happy around you.’ she made a scene and accused me of being openly hostile towards her and her family. wife backed me up and said that linda deserved it. linda’s husband thinks that i was probably tired of being fake and that’s why i ‘exploded’. wife’s parents were being neutral. so aita? [/INST] info >then certain ...things happened, that made me realise that it’s probably best to keep my feelings and emotions to myself and i became a lot sober. what does this mean? did your wife’s family do you something to you that caused you to keep them at arm’s length? </s>
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AITA for calling off from work to go to a parade?
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today was the chicago pride parade which i called off work to attend. i am waitress at a restaurant. i did not give management a reason for calling off, just personal reasons. i don't call off often so i figured it was no big deal since this was important to me. they found out that i was there by another colleague gossiping about seeing me there out of innocent conversation and i guess the manager did not like that i missed work for this reason since work is apparently more important and i did my colleagues a disservice by not showing up and making them work harder. i explained to my manager that i took off for a personal reason whatever that might be and he told me i am on a warning for not providing a valid reason for calling off and misleading the business by lying about why i called off. i asked my manager if he had an issue with my going to a pride parade and he said that if something that trivial falls on a scheduled work day then i need to show up to work unless someone is sick or dying or next time i'm fired. he also said that if i want to go to a party parade then i should do that on my off days.
| 669
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vlltfj/aita_for_calling_off_from_work_to_go_to_a_parade/
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2022-06-27 03:24:24
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info
with **how much notice**?
and how much notice does your work require you to give for personal days?
*what* you're doing with your time does not matter, only *that* you followed your employer's guidelines for taking time off.
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yta
as a queer person i really dislike that you tried to make your managers very real concern about ditching work into a statement that he didn't like that you were attending pride.
we already face discrimination that's very real and every time someone does something like this it gives the bigots fuel to say that we're just drama queens.
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>i asked my manager if he had an issue with my going to a pride parade
yta. our community is going through real issues and you waiting till a week of to request time off for an event planned a year in advance is not one of them. shame on you for trying to play the gay card to excuse your own irresponsibility.
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yta
pride parades are scheduled and announced well in advance. you could have requested that day off, instead of just calling out the day of. your manager is right, you needlessly made work harder for your coworkers.
it’s not about “the manager did not like that i missed work for this reason”, or that “work is apparently more important.” your manager has a schedule to manage, and if you call off to go to events instead of requesting the day off beforehand then you are screwing everyone over.
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yta. you should have taken the day off in advance. pride isn't a last minute emergency. it's planned, and you didn't plan.
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info: why didn't you request the day off in advance?
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as a fellow waiter who admittedly calls off pretty much whenever i want, for whatever i want, because i'm just a damn waiter, not a doctor, i still say yta. see when i call off and tell a lie about why i'm not gonna be at work, i'm fully aware i'm being an ah. if my boss would somehow catch me in my lie, i would accept my fate and sign my write up and apologize and agree that what i did was wrong and probably wouldn't call off again for at least a fricken year or something. i wouldn't double down and not only, not understand why what i did was wrong, but also insult my boss and passive aggressively call him a bigot. also as a fellow member of the service industry, your attitude doesn't surprise me at all. also, i know, that you know, one week in advance when requesting a shift off is not even close to enough time. if you wanna be an ah and skip your serving job, i would be the first person cheering you on and saying go for it, but i'm not gonna sit there and coddle you like you're a victim if you get found out.
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yta - you probably knew well in advance when the pride event was and should’ve asked for the day off. i understand supporting the event and all but it’s not a valid reason to call out. if you’re sick or a death in the family japonés sure but now you’ve lost trust in your management
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as a manager who also does scheduling, yta. asking off one week in advance is like not asking off at all. i guarantee that your schedule had already been posted at that point, so your only option was to find someone who would be willing to swap shifts with you. for huge events like pride, you need to be asking off months in advance, because chances are that many of your coworkers are also going to ask off that day. whether the boss wants to or not, they simply cannot let most of the staff have the same day off, so it’s often on a first come, first serve basis. i will do my best to give my employees their requests off, but i can’t always make it work. i truly don’t care why they’re asking off either. maybe their pet parrots are getting married that day. cool! i don’t care. it’s important to them, so it’s important to me. my only ask is that if i can’t make it work (and i do 95% of the time), you return the favor and show up when you’re scheduled.
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yta if you called on the day. you should've booked the day off in advance.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: today was the chicago pride parade which i called off work to attend. i am waitress at a restaurant. i did not give management a reason for calling off, just personal reasons. i don't call off often so i figured it was no big deal since this was important to me. they found out that i was there by another colleague gossiping about seeing me there out of innocent conversation and i guess the manager did not like that i missed work for this reason since work is apparently more important and i did my colleagues a disservice by not showing up and making them work harder. i explained to my manager that i took off for a personal reason whatever that might be and he told me i am on a warning for not providing a valid reason for calling off and misleading the business by lying about why i called off. i asked my manager if he had an issue with my going to a pride parade and he said that if something that trivial falls on a scheduled work day then i need to show up to work unless someone is sick or dying or next time i'm fired. he also said that if i want to go to a party parade then i should do that on my off days.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
today was the chicago pride parade which i called off work to attend. i am waitress at a restaurant. i did not give management a reason for calling off, just personal reasons. i don't call off often so i figured it was no big deal since this was important to me. they found out that i was there by another colleague gossiping about seeing me there out of innocent conversation and i guess the manager did not like that i missed work for this reason since work is apparently more important and i did my colleagues a disservice by not showing up and making them work harder. i explained to my manager that i took off for a personal reason whatever that might be and he told me i am on a warning for not providing a valid reason for calling off and misleading the business by lying about why i called off. i asked my manager if he had an issue with my going to a pride parade and he said that if something that trivial falls on a scheduled work day then i need to show up to work unless someone is sick or dying or next time i'm fired. he also said that if i want to go to a party parade then i should do that on my off days. [/INST] info with **how much notice**? and how much notice does your work require you to give for personal days? *what* you're doing with your time does not matter, only *that* you followed your employer's guidelines for taking time off. </s>
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AITA? Husband threw a BBQ party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.
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disclaimer: we are all vaccinated.
so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me.
he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it.
spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages.
he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (
| 27,286
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/my5x2a/aita_husband_threw_a_bbq_party_for_his_friends_i/
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2021-04-25 10:52:32
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nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror.
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nta. is he always this entitled? rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve.
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nta. i love this kind of take a stand thing. you are not a assistant/slave/maid/cleaner. its gonna be while before your husband will do another bbq. not until he learn how much job it take to organise a proper bbq party.
you stand on your ground sister !
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nta. why he'd think you'd want to waitress for free at his guys night is a mystery. hopefully he'll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. i'd also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual that most of the guests probably had no idea.
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i think [this meme](https://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/bbq-rules/) i saw recently is applicable to this situation. you’re not alone, op - keep up your strike!
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nta! it's his party, his friends, his responsibility. how does he live in the house and not know where cups and plates are? and he has some nerve to say he's disappointed that you didn't pull your weight.
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nta - and this is a hill to die on. mostly because my husband is not an asshole and would not do this to me so it seems hilarious to me that yours thinks this type of behaviour (treating your spouse like a party planner without so much as a *by your leave*) is acceptable.
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info: do you ever get to invite your friends over? is your husband expected to "pull his weight" when your friends are over?
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[deleted]
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nta. sounds like he's been taking you for granted for a while. once he's cooled off i would personally have a calm sit down discussion about why this happened (he dropped this on you and expected you to do stuff without him asking, he doesnt notice or appreciate what you do, if he wants a bbq to be a team event he needs to ask not tell and pull his own weight on the supporting elements etc etc) and hopefully this will go some way towards changing things.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. ( [/INST] nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror. </s>
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AITA for pushing off a girl my lap and making her cry?
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i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have.
anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk.
she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend.
so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't.
&#x200b;
| 25,202
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1z11d/aita_for_pushing_off_a_girl_my_lap_and_making_her/
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2020-08-01 20:21:44
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nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection.
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nta - i loved the last paragraph.
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nta. you're a loyal boyfriend.
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nta. i have no idea why she thought you liked her, seems like you were pretty clear.
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nta, you didn’t want her to sit on your lap, and she did anyway, and she started getting upset when you wouldn’t let her sit on you lap anymore knowing full well that you’re dating someone. i think it’s pretty clear cut.
info, just to make sure, did you physically push her off of you? i don’t remember seeing that in the post. or by push did you mean just tell her you can’t sit on me.
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>she thought there was something between us
yeah, your jacket
(thanks for the award!)
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nta. she showed her hand when she chose your lap over joe’s (knowing you have a gf), and melted down when things didn’t go her way. i hope joe was taking notes because this girl isn’t ready for an adult relationship with anyone.
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nta. as long as you have a steady girlfriend to interpret other girls' intentions, you will do fine.
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nta.
i'm a woman, so trust me on this, women are totally confusing and read way too much into every little thing. especially if it's about a guy. it doesn't get much better with age.
btw, if there aren't enough spots in the car, you guys need a second car. it's not safe to ride in someone's lap and it's an expensive ticket if you get caught. (ugh. saying that makes me feel old).
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you understand "girls" just fine, because they are just humans like you. i get that it's just a figure of speech, but don't let it turn into othering women, please.
nta, sarah is a jerk.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection. </s>
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AITA for teaching my daughters how to cook?
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made a new account to post this on my daughter's recommendation, hoping you guys can help.
i have three kids aged 18f, 16f, and 12m. my ex and i share custody but because of her job and travel schedule and their school and sports, she can't spend a lot of time with them so they stay with me full-time and visit her on holidays/vacations.
my oldest is about to start college in january 2021. this will be her first time living away from home and on her own, and i wanted to prepare her well for it (as any parent would do). since the kids have been living with me, i have always cooked and cleaned after them. i thought teaching the oldest two how to cook would be good place to start.
for the past few weeks i have been inviting them into the kitchen, giving them basic jobs like chopping vegetables, setting the oven, or frying things. as a special challenge to see how much they've learnt, i asked them to cook all our meals for three days. they were actually excited about it and we got to enjoy their cooking and had some fun times. yesterday was the last day of the "challenge" and they made us a big feast for dinner with a bunch of different dishes.
throughout all this my son has been sulking for some reason he refuses to tell us about. he has always been closer to his mother and i don't hold it against him. but yesterday he did something very mean. it turns out he told his mom about how i am a sexist and "discriminate" against the girls by making them cook and clean. he also quoted me out of context when i said "this will help them later in life" (i.e. college and living on their own) to mean that i think they should "be housewives" and "cook for their husbands". he had been feeding all this negative and false information to his mother for a while and instead of checking up with the girls to see if it was even true, she believed him and told him "how he can be an ally to his sisters" and that he should "stand up against their oppression". it is insane how it went down.
yesterday, he saw the food, left the table and ran up to his room to video call his mom and show her "the proof" of what a sexist i was since they made all the food. she blew up on me on the call, saying disgusting and mean things calling me "a horrible father" and a "misogynist pig". all in front of the children and the untouched food. she screamed and berated me for how horrible and mean i was to the girls and that i "don't deserve to be a father". she even threatened to come and pick up the girls from "their suffering" and ended the call. throughout this, my daughters had began crying and left the room while my son just stared daggers at me.
right after this, my phone blew up with messages and calls from various relatives and friends calling me out for being a sexist, misogynistic dad. i honestly don't see what i did wrong but this whole experience has shaken me so badly i need to know. am i an a-hole?
| 587
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/huic45/aita_for_teaching_my_daughters_how_to_cook/
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2020-07-20 09:29:44
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info: why aren't you teaching your son how to cook? why isn't this a whole family activity?
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nta. your ex is at fault here. even your sons actions are part of her doing. your ex worked that mindset into him. and if anything, your ex should've at the very least inquired about it to you or your daughters.
and your relatives should be ashamed for judging you based on the words from only one involved party, that too based off of the impression of a 12 year old.
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info - why was your son excluded from the this?
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nta. everyone should learn to cook. it's discriminatory to deny them that option because of their gender.
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and where were your daughters during all of this? i would have shut down all that talk day 1 if i was in that situation.
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nta you’re doing them a service as adults, not women. it might be time for your son to go live with his mother since she thinks you’re such a horrible parent. maybe being a full time parent will change her shitty attitude.
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nta.
i’d be upset too if i was your ex and under the impression my daughters were being used as maids, but she should’ve talked to you & your daughters first before getting herself so worked up. not to mention getting other relatives involved too when she didn’t even talk to anyone else about it was extremely over the top.
your son might be feeling left out. i’d talk to him 1:1, with the girls, and then have a family chat.
ask the girls how they felt & if felt they were being pressured or oppressed.
talk to your son and try to explain. ask him if he felt left out or if he wants to learn any life-skills too. try to include him.
sit them down together and try to clear up any misunderstandings as a family & try to come up with family activities where everyone can be involved.
when things calm down, i’d talk to your ex-wife and explain.
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nta, you are trying to help teach a valuable skill. i am a 25m and i was taught from a young age how to cook by my single mom because she knew that it is important. my wife loves my mom for teaching me because now i am a great cooks (or at least that’s what people say.) it’s not your fault your son didn’t want to be a part of it and he is definitely being manipulative.
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nta obviously, but it's not your daughters you should be worried about.
your son needs a strong male role model now more than ever because he's at severe risk of becoming an insufferable little shit. do something for him too.
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nta you're teaching your kids life skills. son needs to participate in this: 12 is well old enough to clean up the kitchen. you say he refuses, which is bullshit to permit. he eats, he helps. enforcing this is one of the less fun aspects of parenting, but it needs to be done.
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: made a new account to post this on my daughter's recommendation, hoping you guys can help. i have three kids aged 18f, 16f, and 12m. my ex and i share custody but because of her job and travel schedule and their school and sports, she can't spend a lot of time with them so they stay with me full-time and visit her on holidays/vacations. my oldest is about to start college in january 2021. this will be her first time living away from home and on her own, and i wanted to prepare her well for it (as any parent would do). since the kids have been living with me, i have always cooked and cleaned after them. i thought teaching the oldest two how to cook would be good place to start. for the past few weeks i have been inviting them into the kitchen, giving them basic jobs like chopping vegetables, setting the oven, or frying things. as a special challenge to see how much they've learnt, i asked them to cook all our meals for three days. they were actually excited about it and we got to enjoy their cooking and had some fun times. yesterday was the last day of the "challenge" and they made us a big feast for dinner with a bunch of different dishes. throughout all this my son has been sulking for some reason he refuses to tell us about. he has always been closer to his mother and i don't hold it against him. but yesterday he did something very mean. it turns out he told his mom about how i am a sexist and "discriminate" against the girls by making them cook and clean. he also quoted me out of context when i said "this will help them later in life" (i.e. college and living on their own) to mean that i think they should "be housewives" and "cook for their husbands". he had been feeding all this negative and false information to his mother for a while and instead of checking up with the girls to see if it was even true, she believed him and told him "how he can be an ally to his sisters" and that he should "stand up against their oppression". it is insane how it went down. yesterday, he saw the food, left the table and ran up to his room to video call his mom and show her "the proof" of what a sexist i was since they made all the food. she blew up on me on the call, saying disgusting and mean things calling me "a horrible father" and a "misogynist pig". all in front of the children and the untouched food. she screamed and berated me for how horrible and mean i was to the girls and that i "don't deserve to be a father". she even threatened to come and pick up the girls from "their suffering" and ended the call. throughout this, my daughters had began crying and left the room while my son just stared daggers at me. right after this, my phone blew up with messages and calls from various relatives and friends calling me out for being a sexist, misogynistic dad. i honestly don't see what i did wrong but this whole experience has shaken me so badly i need to know. am i an a-hole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
made a new account to post this on my daughter's recommendation, hoping you guys can help. i have three kids aged 18f, 16f, and 12m. my ex and i share custody but because of her job and travel schedule and their school and sports, she can't spend a lot of time with them so they stay with me full-time and visit her on holidays/vacations. my oldest is about to start college in january 2021. this will be her first time living away from home and on her own, and i wanted to prepare her well for it (as any parent would do). since the kids have been living with me, i have always cooked and cleaned after them. i thought teaching the oldest two how to cook would be good place to start. for the past few weeks i have been inviting them into the kitchen, giving them basic jobs like chopping vegetables, setting the oven, or frying things. as a special challenge to see how much they've learnt, i asked them to cook all our meals for three days. they were actually excited about it and we got to enjoy their cooking and had some fun times. yesterday was the last day of the "challenge" and they made us a big feast for dinner with a bunch of different dishes. throughout all this my son has been sulking for some reason he refuses to tell us about. he has always been closer to his mother and i don't hold it against him. but yesterday he did something very mean. it turns out he told his mom about how i am a sexist and "discriminate" against the girls by making them cook and clean. he also quoted me out of context when i said "this will help them later in life" (i.e. college and living on their own) to mean that i think they should "be housewives" and "cook for their husbands". he had been feeding all this negative and false information to his mother for a while and instead of checking up with the girls to see if it was even true, she believed him and told him "how he can be an ally to his sisters" and that he should "stand up against their oppression". it is insane how it went down. yesterday, he saw the food, left the table and ran up to his room to video call his mom and show her "the proof" of what a sexist i was since they made all the food. she blew up on me on the call, saying disgusting and mean things calling me "a horrible father" and a "misogynist pig". all in front of the children and the untouched food. she screamed and berated me for how horrible and mean i was to the girls and that i "don't deserve to be a father". she even threatened to come and pick up the girls from "their suffering" and ended the call. throughout this, my daughters had began crying and left the room while my son just stared daggers at me. right after this, my phone blew up with messages and calls from various relatives and friends calling me out for being a sexist, misogynistic dad. i honestly don't see what i did wrong but this whole experience has shaken me so badly i need to know. am i an a-hole? [/INST] info: why aren't you teaching your son how to cook? why isn't this a whole family activity? </s>
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AITA For not wanting to raise a kid that isn't mine?
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my girlfriend became pregnant 7 years ago. it wasn't planned. i didn't want to be a dad, but did the right thing and married her. she gave birth to a girl who is now 6. i tried to be a good father, bought her toys and shit. but things changed back in april when i found out that around the time my wife became pregnant, she was fucking around with a lot of guys and the kid may not even be mine.
&#x200b;
i got a dna test done and turns out i'm not the father. my soon to be ex and i are in the process of getting a divorce. as soon as i found out about the kid not being mine i told my wife to take her kid and get teh fuck out of my house. she went to live with her mother. when they were leaving, i didn't let the kid take any of the toys and stuff i had bought for her. i paid for them and she's not even my kid. my wife called me every name in the book but i stood my ground.
yesterday was the kid's birthday. my soon to be ex wife called me and told me i needed to be there for her birthday party. i told her to go fuck herself. i wasn't wasting anymore time and money for a kid that isn't even mine. she berated me for abandoning "my daughter" and how she's been crying for her "father". i told her to take the kid to her real father, whoever the fuck he is.
&#x200b;
now my brother got to know about this and chewed me out. he said i was being a dick and i should have at least shown up for the kid's birthday party.
&#x200b;
so, am i the asshole?
| 4,685
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i27blh/aita_for_not_wanting_to_raise_a_kid_that_isnt_mine/
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2020-08-02 06:03:03
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esh. your ex sucks for cheating but congratulations for bailing on a child who has only ever known you as their father and bing able to turn your back on her this quickly says more about you
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yta. why would you not even let the girl keep her things? you raised her for 7 years! that's her stuff! do you not care about her at all? being mad at her mom for cheating is one thing, but it's not ok to take it out on the child like that. she didn't choose her parents.
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yta for taking out your anger at your ex on a child. i get that she's not your child, but she's 6. you have been her dad her entire life, and throwing her out while keeping her godamn toys is a whole new level of ah.
you owe your ex nothing, but you owe an innocent child caught in the middle of a pile of bullshit some common fucking decency. you don't have to buy her any toys or presents to treat her like a child you've raised for 6 years and stop in to say happy birthday, or at least call. does a lack of biological relationship actually cancel out 6 years of bonding and love for you? because that's some sociopathic bs right there.
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esh. i mean, the right thing wouldn’t have been marrying her but i get it.
shes an a hole for cheating. 100%
you’re an a hole for walking out on a child you sees you as a father figure. and you took her toys and everything you bought her.
i totally get what you did, and would have done the same thing.
but now some girl who hasn’t had anything to do with it is being affected.
least you could have done for the little girl is left her things.
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yta you been that kids father for 6 years, the inly father it knew, now you took all its toys and told it to get f*cked. you punishing an innocent child. what you gonna do with the d*mn toys? let the kid have them. i know you pissed at her, but why punish the kid? that's messed up. grow the h*ll up.
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yta - this 6 year old girl has no concept of this situation and you are able to just ditch her like this?! she did nothing wrong and those toys are hers.
i am in a bit of shock that you’ve spent 6 years raising this child believing she was yours and..... you can erase her instantly? no love at all for this kid?
like your now-ex is a huge ah for cheating on you. but the kid genuinely could have been yours.
the little girl is innocent and she only knows you as being her dad because you have been her dad.
i honestly hope you’re trolling. i’m not sure i’ve read something so incredibly heartless
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i don’t think you’re the asshole for leaving, it’s not your kid so you have no obligation to raise her, but you need to recognize that this is still a real child with feelings. you should have let her have her toys, that’s everything to children, and i think you should have been gentler on your departure, not to your ex but to the child. she doesn’t deserve to suffer due to her mother’s infidelity. so, i will say esh, but gently. your ex is the much larger asshole.
|
kicking the ex out? nta
not letting the little girl take her toys? yta
not going to the kid's birthday party? nta
not wanting to raise/support a child that isn't yours? nta... but beware, as wrong as it is, you're probably on the hook for child support for the next 12 years or so, since you were married to the girls mother when she was born.
|
santa says yta. how could you raise a kid for that long and not think of her as your child? you must not have been a very good dad to begin with. you were wronged by your ex wife but you are lashing out at a 6 year old child who is confused and just wants her daddy and has no idea why daddy doesn’t want her anymore.
|
esh for me.
your wife is definitely an ah for cheating on you with multiple guys.
it's sad that you weren't able to bond with the child over 6 years at all, that you were able to boot her out just like that. you are the only father she has ever known in her life, and she is an innocent child who has done nothing wrong to deserve this.
i know it's incredibly difficult and humiliating for you, but try to be there for her without taking on any financial or care obligations. i don't think anyone can, or will, ask any more of you than that.
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.093295
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend became pregnant 7 years ago. it wasn't planned. i didn't want to be a dad, but did the right thing and married her. she gave birth to a girl who is now 6. i tried to be a good father, bought her toys and shit. but things changed back in april when i found out that around the time my wife became pregnant, she was fucking around with a lot of guys and the kid may not even be mine. &#x200b; i got a dna test done and turns out i'm not the father. my soon to be ex and i are in the process of getting a divorce. as soon as i found out about the kid not being mine i told my wife to take her kid and get teh fuck out of my house. she went to live with her mother. when they were leaving, i didn't let the kid take any of the toys and stuff i had bought for her. i paid for them and she's not even my kid. my wife called me every name in the book but i stood my ground. yesterday was the kid's birthday. my soon to be ex wife called me and told me i needed to be there for her birthday party. i told her to go fuck herself. i wasn't wasting anymore time and money for a kid that isn't even mine. she berated me for abandoning "my daughter" and how she's been crying for her "father". i told her to take the kid to her real father, whoever the fuck he is. &#x200b; now my brother got to know about this and chewed me out. he said i was being a dick and i should have at least shown up for the kid's birthday party. &#x200b; so, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend became pregnant 7 years ago. it wasn't planned. i didn't want to be a dad, but did the right thing and married her. she gave birth to a girl who is now 6. i tried to be a good father, bought her toys and shit. but things changed back in april when i found out that around the time my wife became pregnant, she was fucking around with a lot of guys and the kid may not even be mine. &#x200b; i got a dna test done and turns out i'm not the father. my soon to be ex and i are in the process of getting a divorce. as soon as i found out about the kid not being mine i told my wife to take her kid and get teh fuck out of my house. she went to live with her mother. when they were leaving, i didn't let the kid take any of the toys and stuff i had bought for her. i paid for them and she's not even my kid. my wife called me every name in the book but i stood my ground. yesterday was the kid's birthday. my soon to be ex wife called me and told me i needed to be there for her birthday party. i told her to go fuck herself. i wasn't wasting anymore time and money for a kid that isn't even mine. she berated me for abandoning "my daughter" and how she's been crying for her "father". i told her to take the kid to her real father, whoever the fuck he is. &#x200b; now my brother got to know about this and chewed me out. he said i was being a dick and i should have at least shown up for the kid's birthday party. &#x200b; so, am i the asshole? [/INST] esh. your ex sucks for cheating but congratulations for bailing on a child who has only ever known you as their father and bing able to turn your back on her this quickly says more about you </s>
|
AITA for moving out with my son when my wife kicked him out?
|
my son martin (18) is taking a gap year before entering university. he's always been a good student, and has a job, so i didn't have problem with this. my wife, on the other hand, wasn't to fond of martin's decision.
my wife and martin have been having a ton of trouble lately. they have a lot of arguments that always end with someone saying something hurtful. me and my wife have had our fair share of this arguments, usually because i defend martin and she doesn't like that.
my son sent me a message while i was at work, that said that his mother kicked him out of the house. he was going to stay at a cheap hotel while he looks for an apartment. i was shocked. i never thought my wife would actually do something like that, especially without consulting me.
when i arrived home, i asked her why she did that. she said that she was tired of him and his disrespect, and that since this was her home, it made sense to kick out martin. i was very furious with her, because her "reasons" were all petty.
i decided to pack a small bag with clothes and other personal articles, and go stay with my son for a while, at least until i'm not angry anymore. my wife yelled at me that i'm an asshole, and that it's my job as a husband to support her decisions.
her whole family has been calling me and sending me messages non-stop since i left my house. they said that i'm disrespecting my marriage, and that my wife should be always my first priority.
what's making me believe that i might be the ah is that martin feels very guilty about what's happening, and even told me that i should return home, and speak to his mother.
| 3,441
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/py2gp3/aita_for_moving_out_with_my_son_when_my_wife/
|
2021-09-29 19:15:04
|
info: what are these arguments about particularly?
|
we need far more information before we can vote on this.
what did she say? why did she say it? what led up yo that? how is your relationship?
it's always okay to leave a bad situation. always.
but we have no idea what the situation is with what little you shared.
|
there's way more happening here than you've described, including what's going on between you and your wife and what martin is actually doing that's making your wife so angry. because a gap year before university, with a job, isn't enough to provoke that kind of outrage unless your wife has serious mental issues.
i'm not buying that you've given all the relevant information.
|
nta. you can divorce a spouse, but your kids are your kids forever.
you shared the home and you shared the responsibilities for your son's upbringing. your wife should not get to make unilateral decisions about who lives in your shared home.
also, this matter is between you and your wife. her calling you an asshole for standing up for your son, and getting your extended family involved, is telling.
finally, your son is now caught in the middle, and probably feels bad that his difficult relationship with his mother has caused you pain. it sucks all around.
|
i feel like there’s not enough info posted here. we need to know how he’s disrespectful and what they are arguing about to give an accurate judgment
|
i'm going with yta because you posted this 2 hours ago and haven't answered a single question. there's nowhere near enough information to decide at this point, but if you do response to the requests for information, i'll re-evaluate.
|
info: what were her reasons? and how does she feel she is being disrespected by your son?
|
>my wife yelled at me that i'm an asshole, and that it's my job as a husband to support her decisions.
she says while not supporting her husband's decisions.
nta
|
info: what are these arguments between your wife and your son about? what are the arguments between you and your son about?
i'm leaning towards esh except martin -- your wife for kicking out her son without consulting you, and you for using that as an excuse to move out. it really seems like the two of you are projecting your marital problems onto martin, who just wants to take a gap year (completely understandable, given the current pandemic).
|
info
what was the argument about?
is your wife martins bio mother? or a step mother?
does martin pay rent?
|
INFO
| null | null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
| 0.458976
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son martin (18) is taking a gap year before entering university. he's always been a good student, and has a job, so i didn't have problem with this. my wife, on the other hand, wasn't to fond of martin's decision. my wife and martin have been having a ton of trouble lately. they have a lot of arguments that always end with someone saying something hurtful. me and my wife have had our fair share of this arguments, usually because i defend martin and she doesn't like that. my son sent me a message while i was at work, that said that his mother kicked him out of the house. he was going to stay at a cheap hotel while he looks for an apartment. i was shocked. i never thought my wife would actually do something like that, especially without consulting me. when i arrived home, i asked her why she did that. she said that she was tired of him and his disrespect, and that since this was her home, it made sense to kick out martin. i was very furious with her, because her "reasons" were all petty. i decided to pack a small bag with clothes and other personal articles, and go stay with my son for a while, at least until i'm not angry anymore. my wife yelled at me that i'm an asshole, and that it's my job as a husband to support her decisions. her whole family has been calling me and sending me messages non-stop since i left my house. they said that i'm disrespecting my marriage, and that my wife should be always my first priority. what's making me believe that i might be the ah is that martin feels very guilty about what's happening, and even told me that i should return home, and speak to his mother.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son martin (18) is taking a gap year before entering university. he's always been a good student, and has a job, so i didn't have problem with this. my wife, on the other hand, wasn't to fond of martin's decision. my wife and martin have been having a ton of trouble lately. they have a lot of arguments that always end with someone saying something hurtful. me and my wife have had our fair share of this arguments, usually because i defend martin and she doesn't like that. my son sent me a message while i was at work, that said that his mother kicked him out of the house. he was going to stay at a cheap hotel while he looks for an apartment. i was shocked. i never thought my wife would actually do something like that, especially without consulting me. when i arrived home, i asked her why she did that. she said that she was tired of him and his disrespect, and that since this was her home, it made sense to kick out martin. i was very furious with her, because her "reasons" were all petty. i decided to pack a small bag with clothes and other personal articles, and go stay with my son for a while, at least until i'm not angry anymore. my wife yelled at me that i'm an asshole, and that it's my job as a husband to support her decisions. her whole family has been calling me and sending me messages non-stop since i left my house. they said that i'm disrespecting my marriage, and that my wife should be always my first priority. what's making me believe that i might be the ah is that martin feels very guilty about what's happening, and even told me that i should return home, and speak to his mother. [/INST] info: what are these arguments about particularly? </s>
|
AITA for getting an entire table for myself after my husband and his mom didn't save me a seat?
|
i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded.
last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming.
thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home.
i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty.
i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now.
i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.
| 27,951
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w77sl5/aita_for_getting_an_entire_table_for_myself_after/
|
2022-07-24 22:26:48
|
nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years?
|
nta.
1) they could have booked a table with the appropriate seating.
2) they could have pulled up a chair and budged up if a random extra guest turned up.
3) they could have split the table in to 2.
4) they could have text you before you got there and said “there’s an issue with the table”.
why are you married to someone who would literally sit there staring at you instead of do something to help and then blame the situation on you?
|
nta
i don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't view you as family. him being your husband is pretty bad. not sure if it's always been like this. but wow. that's a horrible way to treat you.
|
nta. mom and husband tried to humiliate you and got pissy when you turned the tables. i hope you do it again
|
nta!! and i salute you! i could have never done that because i am too much of a chicken, but believe me, if i had been a guest (and grasped the situation) i would have stared too! in admiration!
|
nta
you’re my sprit animal. i’m super proud of you. dessert too!
|
has no one explained why there weren't enough seats for all the invited guests? by their logic, whoever got there last would have to go home since there weren't enough seats. do you think any of your mom's other guests would have been sent home if you got there first? i don't think so either.
this was intentionally done by your mother in law to humiliate you and your husband was in on it. they were only upset because your actions turned the tables on them and made them look foolish instead of successfully humiliating you. you failed to stay properly under their thumb, so your husband is punishing you a different way.
i don't know what his end game is. i do know controlling, abusive behavior when i see it. nothing you said even closely resembles a healthy, functional relationship. nta in this situation obviously.
|
nta i would advise you to rethink this marriage. your husband is not supportive at all and he will always put his mother first. don't doubt yourself, your reaction was great! in what world is it consideted entitled behaviour to assume that you will have a seat at a table you are invited to?
|
once she told you to go home and you instead secured your own table, you were no longer her guest. you were and independent customer.
and she would not have been embarrassed unless she knew her actions were wrong. it was a power play. unfortunately, your husband was part of it. are you sure you can live in this situation for the rest of your life?
nta
|
nta lol get rid of bob. he’d probably still be on the t*t if he could be. his mom will always come before you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here. [/INST] nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years? </s>
|
AITA for refusing to bend the rules on seeing my newborn just for one person(sil) even it the only chance she’s has to see him for months
|
so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone
some rules include
-up to date on all vaccines
-if you feel anyway sick don’t visit
- let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time
- no smokers
- no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm
-you can only stay an hour
-no picking up the baby without consent
-no adivce
-no perfume/deodorant
- no is no we won’t explain why
- no pictures to be taken or posted on social media
- if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list
- before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
- no more than two visits a week per person
it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally.
which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from
sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead,
me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment
we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply
she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them
since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply
| 14,234
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sedejn/aita_for_refusing_to_bend_the_rules_on_seeing_my/
|
2022-01-28 00:33:44
|
yta. your rules went from 0 to 60. like smoking and vaccines, yeah. but gift cards and chores? the entitlement is strong with this one.
|
yta. that "list" of yours is *ridiculous*. anyone who wants to see the baby must bow at your feet, bring tribute, and go to work for you? wtf?
|
yta.
and yes, you are using your child as a cash grab. no one is obligated to buy you gifts or takeout. or groceries. it seems like your friends and family are realizing that you don't want them to actually bond with the baby or visit because they are family. you just want things. oh and your house cleaned.
|
yta what kind of greedy people are you guys? i thought you were going to say that you weren’t making exceptions on visits before the baby is healthy enough or something. you’re charging people to see your baby? that’s so weird.
|
yta. what special tricks does your baby perform to warrant an admission fee? this is literally a cash grab and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
|
yta. you just ruined your relationship. your list was reasonable until these.
> if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
that is a cash grab and you both know it. i would avoid you until the baby was an adult at this point. paying to see a baby is not a good relationship.
|
omg the mandatory gifts and chores! lmfao
|
[removed]
|
>if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list
>
>before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
yta and using your baby as an excuse to behave like the lord & lady of some feudal manor. don't be surprised if your family increasingly ditches your ~~demanded~~ demanding asses behind.
lmao the presumption.
|
[removed]
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
| null | 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone some rules include -up to date on all vaccines -if you feel anyway sick don’t visit - let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time - no smokers - no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm -you can only stay an hour -no picking up the baby without consent -no adivce -no perfume/deodorant - no is no we won’t explain why - no pictures to be taken or posted on social media - if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing - no more than two visits a week per person it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally. which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone some rules include -up to date on all vaccines -if you feel anyway sick don’t visit - let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time - no smokers - no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm -you can only stay an hour -no picking up the baby without consent -no adivce -no perfume/deodorant - no is no we won’t explain why - no pictures to be taken or posted on social media - if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing - no more than two visits a week per person it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally. which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply [/INST] yta. your rules went from 0 to 60. like smoking and vaccines, yeah. but gift cards and chores? the entitlement is strong with this one. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife’s friend she is too old and ugly after she repeatedly asked my 19-year-old son to take off his shirt? He was getting uncomfortable.
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my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line.
when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son."
this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves.
at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house.
i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again.
overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
| 38,050
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzjbhx/aita_for_telling_my_wifes_friend_she_is_too_old/
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2020-07-28 17:50:50
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nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things.
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i'm going to go with nta. it would probably have been better to say sternly "kathy, that's enough. stop it or leave my house" and leaving her appearance out of it. however, your comments were in the context of her sexually harrassing your barely legal child who is less than half her age, and i'm having a hard time sustaining any outrage because you were a little snarky slapping down her exploitive and inappropriate behavior. your wife is wrong. it is not better because she is a woman and your son is a man. sexual harrassment and preying on the fact that younger people often don't have experience shutting down inappropriate advances, particularly from someone connected to their parents or in some authority or authority-adjacent position, is always wrong. the gender of the perpetrator and victim are irrelevent, and if she has a tendency to behave in a sexually inappropriate and aggressive manner when drinking then she should never drink.
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i really want to say esh. i dont think that saying “hey kathy, youre old and ugly lol” is the best way to to about this. what would you have said if she was 30 years old & beautiful ?
a better way of handling it would be to say something like: “kathy, your behavior is crossing a line and needs to stop immediately. if you dont stop then you will need to leave”. a firm statement like that will get the point across just as well, without hurting anyone, and shows your son how to handle conflict like an adult
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nta she needs to learn that her behavior is unacceptable
edit i’m alarmed by how many people here think the word “ugly” is worse than *actual sexual harassment.* she chose to open to door to making unwelcome comments on people’s bodies and she deserved to have a dose of her own medicine.
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esh except the son. your friend for sexually harassing your son, you for brining her age and appearance into the picture, and your wife for saying "it's different" because it's your son and not your daughter.
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i'm gonna go against the grain here with esh and i'll tell you why. calling out kathy's behaviour was absolutely the right thing to do... it set an example for your children, showed your son that you had his back and all kinds of good stuff like that. but the problem *wasn't* kathy's level of attractiveness. the problem was that she was sexually harassing your son (in his own home, no less!), irrespective of her appearance. you called kathy out and protected your son, but, if anything, you've perpetuated the double standard being discussed in the comments. the problem isn't that an unattractive woman was hitting on your son, it's that it was flat out sexual harassment.
&nbsp;
by making it an issue about her appearance, you've completely sidestepped teaching your son a valuable lesson: *his discomfort alone is enough reason* to assert himself or seek help from you in shutting this stuff down in your own home. he was wronged, you've just completely missed giving him the words to understand and explain exactly how. instead of calling kathy old and ugly, you could have called her *behaviour* out as unwelcome and predatory. your son needs to know that even if a young, attractive woman repeatedly made unwelcome advances towards him, it would still be just as wrong. otherwise you're accidentally perpetuating the idea that, if it was a young and attractive woman, it would be welcome no matter what because (implicitly) men always want sex from anyone attractive enough. that is antiquated and damaging bullshit. it also gives kathy no reason to assess her behaviour, but i won't really count that since teaching her not to be a predator shouldn't be your job.
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esh
- kathy was sexually harassing your son ah!
- instead of inviting her firmly to **leave** (i would have totally kicked her out) you insulted her. rude ah.
- sexual harassment of *anyone*, by **anyone** is completely unacceptable. your wife needs a reality check.
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nta. thank you for being a good parent and defending your son. how your wife thought it wasnt an issue is beyond me-- regardless of gender, what her friend did is a form of harassment. it is also downright creepy that that woman would sexualize her friends son. you did great, dont let your wife make you think otherwise
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nta. your wife is clearly being sexist... boys and girls should not receive different treatment when it comes to exposing their body. her friend was abusive (i don't know the right therm, i'm a non native english speaker) and your example was totally reliable.
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esh
her far more than you. she's sexually harassing your son.
but you a little for sending the message to your son that it's fine for a woman to do this to him as long as she's young and pretty in your estimation. the problem wasn't that she's "too old and ugly" the problem was she was harassing him.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.421875
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part. [/INST] nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things. </s>
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AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship
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i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers.
because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college.
i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle.
my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
| 47,559
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9pm5u/aita_telling_my_parents_to_pay_me_back_my_college/
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2020-08-14 16:53:59
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nta.
hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to.
as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child.
never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers.
&#x200b;
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nta thats a generic 'sorry you're upset non apology. they are just around now because they want to influence the baby.
the 100k ask is fair if they have the means to pay it.
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wow.
i would typically say that you would be the ah, because expecting money from family is never a good thing but i am making an exception here.
no, you're nta. being singled out like that because you are a woman is gross, and it's terribly unfair that your brothers got a free ride and you didn't for that one fact.
good on you though, for making your own way in spite of them.
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nta.
i’m proud of you, by the way. despite your upbringing you persevered. keep staying strong and standing your ground.
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sorry your family sucks, but honestly fuck them, your brothers most of all for being so entitled while simultaneously giving you shit for wanting what they got for free. nta
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nta
your parents unfortunately can't prove that they're sorry because they aren't.
tell your brothers "you know what else is immature and hurtful? sexism, parental neglect, and forcing your child into debt."
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nta, your parents treated you terribly due to your gender and their archaic ideas of gender roles. when given the chance to apologize they couldnt be bothered to provide a sincere one.
should you realistically expect 100k, no, but the fact they are not even willing to try to make amends is ridiculous.
nobody is entitled to a "forgive and forget" situation, so if your not willing to do so that's a valid choice.
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nta
only showing up now to "save" their grandchilds soul. they just wanna push their crap onto the next generation.
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[deleted]
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hi op--just want to say i don't think you're being an asshole here given all the pain & hardship your family put you through just so you could ensure you had a baseline successful life. but there's still space for forgiveness and a renewed relationship if you're open to it:
* ask them to fund a 529 for your child to help fund their college education. asking for 100k, due immediately, tells them they owe you a debt (which they do)--but there's more than one way to pay it off. obviously this is more meaningful if you have a daughter, but it gives you proof that they're serious
* ensure that, if they're to have a relationship with their grandkid, they keep all their sexist bs out of it
sometimes the best way to change people and show them they were wrong is to bring them to your side, and show by example, instead of keeping them away. you're justified if you don't want to open up this relationship again, but there might be room to repair something. best of luck with the little one on the way :)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all. [/INST] nta. hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers. &#x200b; </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend's co-worker that we're not married?
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i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship.
boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe.
a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife.
this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead.
he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on.
i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out.
aita?
&#x200b;
| 25,810
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la3xpq/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_coworker_that_were/
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2021-02-01 14:13:31
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nta
that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on.
if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife.
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hell no nta. why is he calling you his wife and he doesn't marry you. that seems kind of stupid
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nta. that would be the stupidest inside joke in history. if your boyfriend, i mean husband is adamant in calling you his wife, why doesn’t he propose lol considering your long history too!
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nta
boyfriend looked like a dickhead because boyfriend was being a dickhead. you didnt do that. if he doesn’t want to be married, he should not tell people he’s married. if he wants people to think he’s married, he should get married (although i advise against that).
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nta he doesn’t want to pay for a wedding then gets mad because your not married and you tell people that you aren’t like wtf
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nta. here’s the plan:
agree to go along with the ‘inside joke’
wait for his next video meeting
come in all giggly
“hi guys! sorry there was some confusion last time! bf isn’t my husband because he refuses to marry me! isn’t that hilarious! anyway, gotta go!”
move out.
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nta, you have every right to claim your relationship status. you shouldn't feel ashamed or need to lie about your relationship status. i don't know the culture you're in on why being married would be a benefit at work. but you don't owe him a cover up.
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he doesn’t want to get married, so you came to terms with that. now he’s mad that you won’t pretend to be married. weird dude. nta.
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nta your comment was not out of place. it also seems pretty damn bold of him to call you his wife after refusing to marry you.
also, his plan is the dumbest fucking plan i've ever heard. it's making my skin crawl just imagining being on the coworkers end of this weirdo scheme.
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nta and you should find out why this is so important to your boyfriend. i know a guy who also calls his girlfriend his wife but they are together for so long and both know that it's only a matter of time until they marry, so they don't really care at this point. but your boyfriend seems to give a lot about this discussion and i honestly don't know what to think of that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on. if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife. </s>
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WIBTA if I still give my stepson the birthday gift I bought for him despite his mother asking me to hold it off for a month because she knows my gift my upstage hers and she wants to see him enjoy her gift first?
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my husband joe and i have been married for a few years. he has a teenage son, jack, with his ex-wife kim. joe and i have a great relationship with jack, who lives with us half of the time, and we are civil with kim.
for a couple of years now, jack has been into a sport that i am also into, and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously. he has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further i decided that for his birthday this month, i would buy him an important ‘equipment’ used in our sport. he has always wanted to own one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next ten years so i know he will be very happy with it.
yesterday kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting jack (we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift, which has happened before). i told her that i got jack the equipment for our sport. she was quiet for a while and then asked me if i could get another gift for jack’s birthday and just give him the equipment in october.
kim said that she knows jack will absolutely love my gift, so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time, her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of jack’s attention will be on my gift. she said she has been saving for jack’s gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift, and that is not likely to happen if jack receives our gifts at the same time.
i understand where kim is coming from, but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to ‘taking turns’. why can’t we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday, a day that it supposed to be about him and not about us?
| 9,188
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyadgx/wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday/
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2019-09-01 14:09:15
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nah. i'll probably be downvoted for this, but i can actually understand her feeling a bit heartbroken that she's scrimped and saved for a gift and now his stepmom's bought him something that sounds fairly expensive, and so impressive that it will leave hers in the dust. i don't think you need to wait until october, and you certainly don't have to get him another gift, but just to compromise, could you tell your stepson that you'll give it to him the day after his birthday?
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you can tell us...*is the gift the nimbus 2000*?!
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nah . yes, the rational thing would be to want for him to, as you say, be as happy as he can be on his birthday. but people aren't always rational and that's ok. kim is probably right jack will be way more excited about your gift than hers, and i can totally understand feeling a bit sad about that when you're his mother and you've been saving up for a gift for a long time, and was looking forward to him being excited about it. she wasn't being an asshole about her request, and i don't think it's her intention to treat gift giving as a competition for his attention or affections.
no, you don't have to wait to give him this gift. but it would be very kind of you if you told jack "you will get my gift next weekend, this weekend you get to enjoy the gift your mom got you!". i think this will also go a long way when it comes to your relationship with kim.
and good on you for being a loving stepmom who shares a passion with her stepson.
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nah. i think you should consider kim’s suggestion. i get that it feels unfair but i think it’s good that she expressed how she feels. if jack’s a teenager, it means that events like graduations, a wedding, a child’s birth, first birthdays, etc are all on the horizon and you making this gesture to kim could help cement that civil relationship and make jack’s life easier for decades to come.
secondly, i actually think that getting a surprise amazing gift on a random tuesday is going to be really really cool. with the exception of a couple, random surprises from my parents (big and small) are my most cherished gifts. i’ve seen that with my children too.
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it's not a competition, but it becomes a competition, because nobody likes their gift to be ignored, by a "better" gift. imagine this happening to you. how would that make you feel?
it's not like she said you couldn't give him what you bought. just do it a bit later. you can even do it as a special thing for you two, since you're into the same thing.
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nah, but it would be kind of to wait a bit. he won't enjoy it less for getting it in october.
it sounds like you have the luxury of giving him an expensive gift fairly easily and she had to save to get him a less expensive gift. and kids, teenagers - they live in the same world as the rest of us, and cultural conditioning makes you value more, things that are more expensive. it won't cost you anything to wait, he'll get joy twice, and kim will appreicate your kindness.
i mean honestly - if giving gifts was only about making the recipient as happy as can be, we'd put all the gifts in a big pile anonymously, and everyone sign their name on one card. but we want the person getting the gift to know that we personally value them, and (maybe even more-) that we know them, that we can give them a gift that is something they would want. it's a way of confirming your connection
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my parents divorced when i was young and my dad always made gift giving a competition because he had the means and was always trying to be an asshole to my mom. as a child, i was thrilled with his gifts and didn't really understand the money issue my mom had, but he never, ever succeeded in making me love him more than my mom, despite him trying.
however, i do think the compromise that is being suggested far above is a good one so that time is between the gift giving.
and, i give you a huge congratulations for being so thoughtful in trying to find a balance with this blended family situation and being a good person overall in taking the mother's feelings into consideration.
definitely nah. and ... when jack grows up, trust me, he will remember with fondness how all of his parents got along for his sake. if i had gold, you would have some.
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where can you hide a horse for two months?
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nah
but i have to admit, this punched me in the gut.
my ex has found himself a woman with way more money than self-esteem, and i have a feeling at some point he will weaponize gift-giving with her help.
meanwhile, i am raising our two children on my own with zero financial assistance from him. because in order to protect our children from the type of people he spends time with, i waived support in exchange for full legal and physical custody, with visitation at my discrestion.
so i know the day is going to come when he can give big ticket gifts, while i am over here making sure bills are paid, and school dues are handled.
i know that is not your situation, op, but it just hurts to think about.
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no it doesn't seem right, it should be about the person recieving not the giver.
however, if she has been working her socks off to get him something that she is so proud of herself for achieving and has took some great effort on her part - please let her have that moment. that moment where her son will look at her as a hero and remember this birthday for years to come with that special item he can tell his kids about.
it reminds me of a plot of an 80s movie can't think which one, probably all of them where a parent is out staged by someone and you see their heart break. going to bug me now which one it was!
nah
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband joe and i have been married for a few years. he has a teenage son, jack, with his ex-wife kim. joe and i have a great relationship with jack, who lives with us half of the time, and we are civil with kim. for a couple of years now, jack has been into a sport that i am also into, and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously. he has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further i decided that for his birthday this month, i would buy him an important ‘equipment’ used in our sport. he has always wanted to own one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next ten years so i know he will be very happy with it. yesterday kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting jack (we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift, which has happened before). i told her that i got jack the equipment for our sport. she was quiet for a while and then asked me if i could get another gift for jack’s birthday and just give him the equipment in october. kim said that she knows jack will absolutely love my gift, so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time, her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of jack’s attention will be on my gift. she said she has been saving for jack’s gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift, and that is not likely to happen if jack receives our gifts at the same time. i understand where kim is coming from, but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to ‘taking turns’. why can’t we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday, a day that it supposed to be about him and not about us?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband joe and i have been married for a few years. he has a teenage son, jack, with his ex-wife kim. joe and i have a great relationship with jack, who lives with us half of the time, and we are civil with kim. for a couple of years now, jack has been into a sport that i am also into, and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously. he has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further i decided that for his birthday this month, i would buy him an important ‘equipment’ used in our sport. he has always wanted to own one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next ten years so i know he will be very happy with it. yesterday kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting jack (we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift, which has happened before). i told her that i got jack the equipment for our sport. she was quiet for a while and then asked me if i could get another gift for jack’s birthday and just give him the equipment in october. kim said that she knows jack will absolutely love my gift, so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time, her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of jack’s attention will be on my gift. she said she has been saving for jack’s gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift, and that is not likely to happen if jack receives our gifts at the same time. i understand where kim is coming from, but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to ‘taking turns’. why can’t we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday, a day that it supposed to be about him and not about us? [/INST] nah. i'll probably be downvoted for this, but i can actually understand her feeling a bit heartbroken that she's scrimped and saved for a gift and now his stepmom's bought him something that sounds fairly expensive, and so impressive that it will leave hers in the dust. i don't think you need to wait until october, and you certainly don't have to get him another gift, but just to compromise, could you tell your stepson that you'll give it to him the day after his birthday? </s>
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AITA for grounding my son after he said he got into a argument with my boyfriend over something from 10 years ago?
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my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h.
it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita?
edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita_for_grounding_my_son_after_he_said_he_got/
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2020-06-04 20:14:20
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yta.
your son has every right to not like your boyfriend, sorry. i know it happened 10 years ago, but it killed his dog and took away his childhood for 2 years. on top of that, you basically left them for 2 years and lived with the guy who took away their home.
considering your boyfriend left fries in the oven again, i'd be nicer to my kid and ask my so to smarten up.
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yta - even giving your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt with the fire, you then had your children move in with a cousin while you lived elsewhere?? your kids lost their house, their security, all their stuff, their dog, and you went and stayed with your boyfriend. huge yta there.
2nd yta was forgiving the boyfriend for something that he clearly does regularly that could lead to another fire and possibly killing you and/or one or more of your children.
3rd yta is letting him discipline your son for anything. it's made worse that he's yelling at your son for saying the word "hell." if my math is correct, your son is 15 years old. there is no reason to reprimand a 15 year old for saying "hell."
you will not have a relationship with your son when he's an adult and it's your fault.
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yta. this man burned down your home and killed the boys dog and you have the audacity to let him try and discipline your child? and he’s still being neglectful and causing more fire hazards? if you don’t get rid of this man your son will never forgive you and your ass will be in the shittiest nursing home he can find
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yta jesus the man you're dating is dangerous and your children were traumatized did you get them therapy????
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yta so this guy carelessly left the oven on(apparently still does that) thereby burning down your house and killing the family dog, you left your kids with your cousin for some amount of time(possibly 2 years?) and you don’t understand why your kid doesn’t like him? have you ever taken your kid to therapy? because that shit is traumatizing, house gone, dog gone, mom essentially gone.
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yta your boyfriend killed his dog
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yta. this kid's world was completely uprooted by your boyfriend's negligence. he lost his dog, his house, and his mom (i don't quite get why you couldn't have lived with the kids at your cousin's, but i realize that's not the point of the post). now, he sees h continue to be careless about the very thing that caused all the problems--leaving the oven on. he probably has nightmares or trauma about the house catching on fire again, this time with him in it.
it's true that many kids pull the "you're not my dad" card on their parents' significant others just because they don't want to recognize their authority; here, your son just has a really good reason to do it. and if your friend y is agreeing with him, maybe you should revisit your relationship with h.
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yta
first, if the boyfriend is still leaving the stove on he hasn't really learned his lesson has he. that issue isn't in the past... it's still going on.
more importantly, though is that you aren't hearing your son when he says he doesn't consider this person to be a father. you kind of just brush over that part and focus on something that happened 10 years ago that started the dislike, but skip over everything that has happened since and your son's feelings.
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[removed]
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info. i don't understand why a person could put a pizza in the oven, in someone else's home and leave? even frozen pizzas take 30 mins at the most, did you put it in before you left to be ready when you got home? i don't understand how this could be accidental unless he was intoxicated or otherwise impaired. he didn't fall asleep, he left. you have to be a troll, or you are changing the narrative so you don't have to be the bad guy (you are either way). yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h. it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita? edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h. it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita? edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h. [/INST] yta. your son has every right to not like your boyfriend, sorry. i know it happened 10 years ago, but it killed his dog and took away his childhood for 2 years. on top of that, you basically left them for 2 years and lived with the guy who took away their home. considering your boyfriend left fries in the oven again, i'd be nicer to my kid and ask my so to smarten up. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pay for my wife's spending money?
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throwaway because people who know me are on here.
before the birth of our daughter, my wife and i both worked full time in low-middle earning jobs with my wife earning a bit more than i but not by much.
my wife returned to work out of necessity when our daughter was 3 months old. her mental health became pretty bad and she has a minor disability that makes work life a little hard and she found it a bit worse after having our daughter but we had to do what we had to do.
my wife's nan who sort of raised her and was her only family passed away sadly when our daughter was 6 months old. my wife inherited everything she owned. it was a big inheritance. not enough for us both to immediately retire but a lot. enough for us to buy a decent house outright, a new car each and to put some away for a comfortable retirement.
shortly after her nan died, my wife stopped working and became a stay at home mom. partially due to grief and struggles at her job, and a bit because she always would have preferred to stay home with our daughter. thing is though, i'd rather not work and be a stay at home dad too but i've been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by.
my wife spoke with me recently about how to budget so we can live off just my income (she'd been dipping into savings to pull her weight but that's all tied up in investments now). i said if i'm the one who has to work (and i'd rather not) i don't think i should have to spend my money funding her hobbies and spending money. if she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc. or she can get a job working a night shift or start an online business or something to fund her spending money. i don't see why i should have to pay for stuff like her sewing materials and gym membership since i don't benefit from them and they're not my responsibility. i'm happy to pay for stuff for our daughter seeing as she's my responsibility so i don't think i'm being unreasonable here. i work 36 hours a week and i already pay for the bills and food. she said that's not fair if i get to enjoy my gym membership and hobbies like video games but the difference is i'm paying for them with my money. my wife said her inheritance was worth more than if she spent her whole life working and without that, both of us would be working anyway and having higher expenses from paying a mortgage and car loans so i should count that as her contribution and share my money with her.
aita?
| 10,461
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2466v/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_wifes_spending/
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2022-08-31 04:27:16
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yta
you are aware that the inheritance belonged solely to your wife? right? she didn’t have to buy you a house, car or fund your retirement.
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so your wife bought you a house, two cars, fully funded your retirement, and is raising your kid but you don't think you should pay for things she enjoys? maybe she should take back the house and cars.
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yta. your wife paid for the house you live in & the car you drive but you won’t give her money to buy clothes or get her hair cut. wow, hypocrite much? fyi, your wife is working. she is taking care of your daughter & i suspect she is doing all the work to cook & clean & run the household, too. and did i mention that she gave you a house to live in & a car to drive? don’t be so cheap that you drive off your wife. when she leaves you, she’ll take the rest of her inheritance with her along with your daughter.
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yta. you are a family and it is your responsibility to care for each other. she’s taking care of your child and you’re expecting her to beg people for free haircuts? humiliating. it’s not like she blew her inheritance on needless things for herself. she bought you a house and a car. and she is investing it, assumingly for a good future life for you, your daughter, and herself. be a partner.
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so with her inheritance money she got you a new car but you don’t want pay for her gym membership or sewing? okayy, give her back the car so she can sell it and use that to fund her hobby. yta
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yta
you're completely out of line. she bought you a new car, she paid for the house you live in, she birthed your daughter.
let's start with the clothes thing. restricting her from buying clothing from anywhere other than a second hand store is a way of making her feel like she's worthless, so nice job there.
and the sewing stuff, maybe consider she could make clothes, fix clothes, make things she might choose to sell as a small home business as she raises your daughter? earning a little cash when she's established and feels confident. i'm sure she's not just filling the house she bought with ruffled pillows.
you do understand that raising a child is a full time job right? feeding, cleaning, educating, giving them the attention they need. not to mention tidying the house, cleaning everyone's clothes, cooking etc
do you go to your daughter when she cried at night? do night time feeds? burp/cuddle? interact with her for more than 30 seconds?
36hours a week, i remember my first part time job.
|
info: so, would you be upset if by your logic, she takes away the car she bought for you? because why should she fund your enjoyment?
or is what you’re saying what’s hers is both of yours but what yours is just yours?
|
nta
of course you should not have to pay for her hobbies.
she can just take that out of the rent you pay to live in her house.
|
yta—inheritance is not marital property. you have a house because she paid for it and i’m guessing she doesn’t charge you rent. you have a new car because she bought it. she’s taking care of your child. she could’ve just kept all that money to herself and spent it on her hobbies. i hope she didn’t put you on the deed to the house or registration for either of the cars. remember you have what you have because of her. your ungrateful.
|
i feel like you should support your disabled, grief stricken homemaker of a wife a lot more.
she's taking care of your home and child right? paying for childcare would wipe out her salary most likely.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
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YTA
| null | 0.097871
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because people who know me are on here. before the birth of our daughter, my wife and i both worked full time in low-middle earning jobs with my wife earning a bit more than i but not by much. my wife returned to work out of necessity when our daughter was 3 months old. her mental health became pretty bad and she has a minor disability that makes work life a little hard and she found it a bit worse after having our daughter but we had to do what we had to do. my wife's nan who sort of raised her and was her only family passed away sadly when our daughter was 6 months old. my wife inherited everything she owned. it was a big inheritance. not enough for us both to immediately retire but a lot. enough for us to buy a decent house outright, a new car each and to put some away for a comfortable retirement. shortly after her nan died, my wife stopped working and became a stay at home mom. partially due to grief and struggles at her job, and a bit because she always would have preferred to stay home with our daughter. thing is though, i'd rather not work and be a stay at home dad too but i've been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by. my wife spoke with me recently about how to budget so we can live off just my income (she'd been dipping into savings to pull her weight but that's all tied up in investments now). i said if i'm the one who has to work (and i'd rather not) i don't think i should have to spend my money funding her hobbies and spending money. if she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc. or she can get a job working a night shift or start an online business or something to fund her spending money. i don't see why i should have to pay for stuff like her sewing materials and gym membership since i don't benefit from them and they're not my responsibility. i'm happy to pay for stuff for our daughter seeing as she's my responsibility so i don't think i'm being unreasonable here. i work 36 hours a week and i already pay for the bills and food. she said that's not fair if i get to enjoy my gym membership and hobbies like video games but the difference is i'm paying for them with my money. my wife said her inheritance was worth more than if she spent her whole life working and without that, both of us would be working anyway and having higher expenses from paying a mortgage and car loans so i should count that as her contribution and share my money with her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because people who know me are on here. before the birth of our daughter, my wife and i both worked full time in low-middle earning jobs with my wife earning a bit more than i but not by much. my wife returned to work out of necessity when our daughter was 3 months old. her mental health became pretty bad and she has a minor disability that makes work life a little hard and she found it a bit worse after having our daughter but we had to do what we had to do. my wife's nan who sort of raised her and was her only family passed away sadly when our daughter was 6 months old. my wife inherited everything she owned. it was a big inheritance. not enough for us both to immediately retire but a lot. enough for us to buy a decent house outright, a new car each and to put some away for a comfortable retirement. shortly after her nan died, my wife stopped working and became a stay at home mom. partially due to grief and struggles at her job, and a bit because she always would have preferred to stay home with our daughter. thing is though, i'd rather not work and be a stay at home dad too but i've been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by. my wife spoke with me recently about how to budget so we can live off just my income (she'd been dipping into savings to pull her weight but that's all tied up in investments now). i said if i'm the one who has to work (and i'd rather not) i don't think i should have to spend my money funding her hobbies and spending money. if she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc. or she can get a job working a night shift or start an online business or something to fund her spending money. i don't see why i should have to pay for stuff like her sewing materials and gym membership since i don't benefit from them and they're not my responsibility. i'm happy to pay for stuff for our daughter seeing as she's my responsibility so i don't think i'm being unreasonable here. i work 36 hours a week and i already pay for the bills and food. she said that's not fair if i get to enjoy my gym membership and hobbies like video games but the difference is i'm paying for them with my money. my wife said her inheritance was worth more than if she spent her whole life working and without that, both of us would be working anyway and having higher expenses from paying a mortgage and car loans so i should count that as her contribution and share my money with her. aita? [/INST] yta you are aware that the inheritance belonged solely to your wife? right? she didn’t have to buy you a house, car or fund your retirement. </s>
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AITA for upgrading to a business class ticket while my wife sits in economy
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so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita?
| 11,739
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/si1sbn/aita_for_upgrading_to_a_business_class_ticket/
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2022-02-01 18:25:45
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yta. you literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. you are absolutely the asshole here and she is completely right to be upset.
|
yta
if there’s only one upgrade my mrs would be offered it first. then she would knock it back bc she would prefer to be with me than comfortable alone.
which is sort of what marrying someone is meant to mean, don’t you think?
i wouldn’t cash in miles until there was enough to either:
- upgrade us both
- buy us both a vacation trip
jfc you don’t know how to be married at all.
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yta. business class comes with more space, better service, and a quieter atmosphere. you're sending a message to your wife that you deserve all that but she doesn't. why didn't you upgrade both seats so you could both have the better experience?
|
yta.
either upgrade both seats or neither, upgrading just yours comes across as very selfish.
"just" a 12 hour flight isn't a sentence i hear that often, i've done 12 hour flights several times and they suck even when you have company you love. that flight is going to be even more awful for your wife if she's stuck next to a stranger.
whether you understand why or not your wife has made it clear how she feels and yta if you ignore that.
|
yta
“in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife”
it matters to her, does that matter to you??
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how are people like you married? my wife’s friends have husbands like you and we just cringe at some of the stories. yta huge ah
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yes, yta. and quite possibly single very soon.
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yta.
"sorry, honey. my physical comfort is more important to me than your company."
|
“she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered.”
lol, you’ll be sleeping the whole flight in business. i doubt she will be in economy. what a shitty way to kick off your vacation, such a short sighted move. yta op.
|
yta.
why are you even married if you're prioritizing your comfort over spending time with your wife?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita? [/INST] yta. you literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. you are absolutely the asshole here and she is completely right to be upset. </s>
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AITA for saying my wife wasn’t my “dream girl” in a trivia game?
|
so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately.
we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins.
so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point.
well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character.
my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole?
(and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.)
| 10,780
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqukam/aita_for_saying_my_wife_wasnt_my_dream_girl_in_a/
|
2020-07-14 04:05:51
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yta. who humiliates their wife in front of friends? oh...right..... you do. i would strongly suggest you quit your spin class immediately and spend as much time and effort as it may take groveling to win back your wife's trust. good grief man.
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yta. "dream girl" - i.e. someone you will literally never get the chance with, like a celebrity. you don't put down someone that you know in real life that you interface with on a regular basis.
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[removed]
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yta.
>i feel really bad
good
>but also really confused
well that's unfortunate.
> i don’t know how to deal with this
google ways that people across various cultures atone for shameful and inexcusable failure. then do all of them.
>is she overreacting or am i an asshole?
how is this a real question.
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yta
i feel bad for your wife. how humiliating and what an insensitive thing to say.
|
yta
come on man, a woman you know in real life? there is such a clear difference between talking about a celebrity crush or a character from a tv show, but you chose someone you realitisically could hook up with, which is what your wife will be thinking about from now on when you go to spin class.
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yta holy fuck
it's one thing to put a celebrity who you both have no chance with and who is paid to be sexy. another to fucking say you wish you could have sex with your spin teacher. jesus christ.
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yta
you just told your wife you're settling for her in terms of attraction and you would rather sexually be with someone you not only know in person but already have an established relationship with (instructor/student)
it doesn't matter that you have no plans on being unfaithful, you just made her feel like garbage compared to a tasty snack you see on the regular. i wouldn't be surprised if this festers into a permanent wedge in your relationship.
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[removed]
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yta, the fact you answered a real person that you could actually genuinely cheat on your wife with makes you an asshole. i'm not sure what's hard to understand about that?
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately. we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins. so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point. well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character. my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole? (and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately. we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins. so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point. well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character. my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole? (and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.) [/INST] yta. who humiliates their wife in front of friends? oh...right..... you do. i would strongly suggest you quit your spin class immediately and spend as much time and effort as it may take groveling to win back your wife's trust. good grief man. </s>
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AITA for being annoyed at my friends over comments they’ve made about a BBQ I’m hosting.
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i’m hosting a bbq soon in a place i just moved in to. i don’t eat meat, i haven’t for about 8 years now and all my friends know that. i said i’d cater enough veggie food for everyone who’s coming but if anyone wants meat to go on the bbq then they need to bring it themselves.
i thought/hoped this was a completely reasonable request, but i’ve since been getting a lot of passive aggressive comments for a few of the people coming, comments about “having to buy our own real food” and “why host a bbq if you aren’t going to cook any real burgers” etc. comments like this are popping up in the event whatsapp group pretty much daily and it’s annoying me to the point that i feel like calling the whole thing off, or uninviting the people making the comments (it’s not everyone). i really try my best to be easy going when it comes to my beliefs around a food as i understand most people don’t feel the way i do. i’ve got a really nice veggie menu planned, i honestly don’t care if people don’t want to eat that for whatever reasons they might have and want to bring their own food, but it’s just the attitude and comments that is really getting to me.
am i the asshole for being annoyed by this or should i not have planned to host a bbq if i wasn’t going to offer meat, which i am prepared to accept is something most people expect is standard for a bbq?
**edit a lot of commenters seem to be really hung up on me using the term bbq. i don’t know if it’s a us thing, but i’m in the uk and the term bbq doesn’t mean or imply meat, it just means an outdoor gathering where you bbq food and have drinks and socialise. i’d also like to clarify that i haven’t asked or expected anyone to bring their own food. the whole event will be fully catered by myself, i just mentioned on the invite that people could bring meat to bbq if they didn’t fancy the entirely veggie/vegan food i’ll be doing. tbh i had kinda hoped everyone would just be happy to eat what i’m doing and wouldn’t even want to bring their own stuff.**
| 786
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nyzm53/aita_for_being_annoyed_at_my_friends_over/
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2021-06-13 16:07:25
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info what's on the menu? this isn't to help me make a decision. i'm just curious lol i like hearing about people's menus.
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nta. i’d uninvite the rude people. if you’re gonna bring bad vibes to the cookout, don’t come.
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nta
assuming your non meat options are for everyone and comprehensive enough that people aren't 'forced't to bring their own food then you seem to be hosting a perfectly normal bbq party, just with slightly different food.
every bbq i've been to i've asked if i can bring anything, they need to get over themselves.
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nta!
i’m a vegetarian and i always bring my own food to bbq’s at friends’ places. it feels weird and wrong to expect friends to buy food specifically just to feed me. and i always would (haven’t done this in a year for obv reasons) cook veggie meals for friends if they came to my house to eat.
there are plenty of tasty veggie options available to bbq and so many sides people often make that don’t revolve around meat. corn, potatoes, veggie kebabs, etc.
i decided to use my power as a consumer to not give money to an industry that is exploitive of ppl, environmental resources, and falls in line with my political values. i’m not a militant vegetarian by any means but food is love, feeding people is an act of love and care. if im taking on that labour to make people happy by bringing them together and feeding them im not going to compromise my values to appease them.
you’re doing nothing wrong here and it’s valid that you feel frustrated by these people being so entitled, acting so ungrateful, and honestly being rude about you offering up your home and labour as a way to bring friends together and feed them.
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nta. as a meat eater i’ve been to plenty of bbq/cookouts in my 20s where we were expected to bring our own main, and the host provided the grill and all the sides. that’s even when everyone present was also a meat eater. the only rule we had was that if someone brought veggie burgers they cooked first.
i have zero idea why, but some meat eaters get so wrapped up in the idea that vegetarians are somehow shortchanging them by not cooking meat that they get upset at the thought of it, despite most meat eaters being fine with the same meal if it isn’t presented as a “vegetarian thing”.
so what i’m saying is these people would be fine bringing their own meat if that was just the deal, but because it’s a ^vegetarian ^thing it’s suddenly an insult and you are asking them to wither away to dust by not providing animal flesh.
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nta. are the people making the comments good friends otherwise? if so, i'd suggest talking to them and telling them its hurting your feelings.
if they're always jerks like this then maybe think about whether you've outgrown their "friendship".
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nta, i don’t agree with some people are saying that a bbq should always provide meat. this is very narrow minded. it’s your bbq, you can provide what you want.
it’s like that friends episode right? at thanks giving when monica wants to cater for everyone and it all just becomes too much when really the moral is her friends should be grateful for her doing all of it for them.
i’d i invite the people making the passive comments, they’ll probably continue the behaviour during the bbq. you deserve to have a good time!
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everyone who sayy it should be a potluck is an idiot
in a potluck, you are required to bring food
in this bringing meat in is optional
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nta. non-meat eaters are *constantly* expected to bring their own options to bbqs (in my experience at least; been veg for 15+ years), so how is it any different for the tables to be turned this time? people are just being mad and should just not show up if they're going to be jerks about it.
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nta. vegetables are real food. if your friends dont want to bring their own food then dont invite them. i don't eat beef so i always ask what sides and alternatives there will be when i go to someone's home, and if its something i dont eat, i will bring my own.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m hosting a bbq soon in a place i just moved in to. i don’t eat meat, i haven’t for about 8 years now and all my friends know that. i said i’d cater enough veggie food for everyone who’s coming but if anyone wants meat to go on the bbq then they need to bring it themselves. i thought/hoped this was a completely reasonable request, but i’ve since been getting a lot of passive aggressive comments for a few of the people coming, comments about “having to buy our own real food” and “why host a bbq if you aren’t going to cook any real burgers” etc. comments like this are popping up in the event whatsapp group pretty much daily and it’s annoying me to the point that i feel like calling the whole thing off, or uninviting the people making the comments (it’s not everyone). i really try my best to be easy going when it comes to my beliefs around a food as i understand most people don’t feel the way i do. i’ve got a really nice veggie menu planned, i honestly don’t care if people don’t want to eat that for whatever reasons they might have and want to bring their own food, but it’s just the attitude and comments that is really getting to me. am i the asshole for being annoyed by this or should i not have planned to host a bbq if i wasn’t going to offer meat, which i am prepared to accept is something most people expect is standard for a bbq? **edit a lot of commenters seem to be really hung up on me using the term bbq. i don’t know if it’s a us thing, but i’m in the uk and the term bbq doesn’t mean or imply meat, it just means an outdoor gathering where you bbq food and have drinks and socialise. i’d also like to clarify that i haven’t asked or expected anyone to bring their own food. the whole event will be fully catered by myself, i just mentioned on the invite that people could bring meat to bbq if they didn’t fancy the entirely veggie/vegan food i’ll be doing. tbh i had kinda hoped everyone would just be happy to eat what i’m doing and wouldn’t even want to bring their own stuff.**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m hosting a bbq soon in a place i just moved in to. i don’t eat meat, i haven’t for about 8 years now and all my friends know that. i said i’d cater enough veggie food for everyone who’s coming but if anyone wants meat to go on the bbq then they need to bring it themselves. i thought/hoped this was a completely reasonable request, but i’ve since been getting a lot of passive aggressive comments for a few of the people coming, comments about “having to buy our own real food” and “why host a bbq if you aren’t going to cook any real burgers” etc. comments like this are popping up in the event whatsapp group pretty much daily and it’s annoying me to the point that i feel like calling the whole thing off, or uninviting the people making the comments (it’s not everyone). i really try my best to be easy going when it comes to my beliefs around a food as i understand most people don’t feel the way i do. i’ve got a really nice veggie menu planned, i honestly don’t care if people don’t want to eat that for whatever reasons they might have and want to bring their own food, but it’s just the attitude and comments that is really getting to me. am i the asshole for being annoyed by this or should i not have planned to host a bbq if i wasn’t going to offer meat, which i am prepared to accept is something most people expect is standard for a bbq? **edit a lot of commenters seem to be really hung up on me using the term bbq. i don’t know if it’s a us thing, but i’m in the uk and the term bbq doesn’t mean or imply meat, it just means an outdoor gathering where you bbq food and have drinks and socialise. i’d also like to clarify that i haven’t asked or expected anyone to bring their own food. the whole event will be fully catered by myself, i just mentioned on the invite that people could bring meat to bbq if they didn’t fancy the entirely veggie/vegan food i’ll be doing. tbh i had kinda hoped everyone would just be happy to eat what i’m doing and wouldn’t even want to bring their own stuff.** [/INST] info what's on the menu? this isn't to help me make a decision. i'm just curious lol i like hearing about people's menus. </s>
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AITA for going to my step-daughter’s (11) birthday party instead of my son’s (18) graduation party?
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throwaway account
i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid.
sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it.
the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay.
i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad.
i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him.
i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it.
my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son.
aita?
| 9,061
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2aish/aita_for_going_to_my_stepdaughters_11_birthday/
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2022-07-18 21:17:36
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yta
>my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true)
idk my guy, in this case, you absolutely did choose emma over him. it doesn't help that you say at least twice that he's overreacting, trying to negate his feelings on the issue.
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yta you couldve done both things, but catered to your stepdaughter. it wasnt even a round or particularly important birthday either, whilst a graduation is an actual accomplishment. especially on top of you missing his 18th birthday which is one of the important birthdays i mentioned.
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yta. this is a pattern, and he's called you out on it. your wife even encouraged you to do the right thing and you still ignored it. minimizing his hurt as "overreactions" is very sad for him; he is obviously feeling rejected by you. think carefully about the relationship you want to have with him, because continuing this pattern is like asking for him to reject you from his life in the future. do you want him to introduce future sos to you? to be invited to his wedding, and have relationships with any future kids? do you want to be a part of his successes? because right now it doesn't seem like it, and it's hurting him.
own your behavior, apologize, and do better in the future.
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yta. you prioritized work over your son on his 18th birthday and then prioritized your stepdaughter over your son on his graduation party. that is two things you apparently consider more important than your son and his feelings.
also, your stepdaughter is 11; that means you have at least 7 more years with her in the house to attend her events. sam, though? this was it - the very last of his "childhood" events that will ever, ever happen, and you didn't even consider it important enough to go to.
you were absolutely a horrible father to sam, and it wasn't the first time. it does sound like he's done with you, though, so i guess there is consolation in the fact he will never give you the chance to hurt him again.
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your son that you blew off says you're an ah
your other son says you're an ah
your ex wife says you're an ah
your current wife says you're an ah
that adds up to yta
do better before you permanently destroy your relationship with at least one son but likely both at this point.
but i guess it's ok because you have your sd 🤷🏼♀️
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yta. a child has a birthday every year. they only graduate from high school once in a lifetime.
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yta. he's right. you literally chose emma's 11th birthday - not even a milestone birthday - over your biological son's graduation party. you acted like you 'might' show...messing him around and rubbing salt into the wound.
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yta-if your two sons agree that you always choose emma over them, then it should be something to thinking about it. i really think that a graduation party with your son should be the priority over your stepdaugher birthday. his whole family were celebrating him and his father wasn't there. even your wife, emma's mother, knew you were in the wrong.
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yta you could have done both things but you decided to pick her over your son. no he's not overreacting it was his graduation and he wanted to see his father.
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yta -
sam will graduate once from high school in his life. emma will have many many birthdays. and you picked your step daughter over your son. you should be ashamed!
super super shitty parenting move - and you're still defending yourself. at least be honest and admit that you're a complete ah to sam and that you deserve his nc with you.
i feel really bad for sam. he was right - you are a horrible father.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid. sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it. the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay. i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad. i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him. i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it. my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid. sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it. the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay. i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad. i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him. i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it. my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son. aita? [/INST] yta >my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) idk my guy, in this case, you absolutely did choose emma over him. it doesn't help that you say at least twice that he's overreacting, trying to negate his feelings on the issue. </s>
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AITA for telling a pregnant friend she won't necessarily have the same relationship with her child that she did with her mom
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best friend is pregnant and getting close to her due date, she and her husband are having a girl and they're very excited. i was chatting to her a few nights ago and asked her offhand if she'd try for a boy after this, she said no because she wanted to be friends with her kid. confused, i asked her what she meant by this. now i don't know where she's got this from but she believes that boys, especially teenage boys, will inevitably treat their mothers cruelly because they don't respect them. that with a girl they'll be best friends like she was with her mom. i pointed out to her that i grew up in a family of only girls and we were *awful* to our mom as teenagers, and also that her mom had her really young so they were raised more like sisters. well i didn't mean anything by it but she's now convinced her kid's going to hate her. i've apologized, but she, her husband, her mom, and my husband are all calling me an asshole because i could have just as easily kept my mouth shut and instead not upset the heavily pregnant lady.
aita?
| 3,365
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n7s8t1/aita_for_telling_a_pregnant_friend_she_wont/
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2021-05-08 16:00:33
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esh. mostly your friend. the idea that teenage girls will all get along with their mother and all teenage boys will hate them is absurd. her children will respect her if she raises them to respect her, and there will be friction between her and her child during the teenage years regardless of gender. you probably should have not said what you said about daughters. however you did apologise so i’m bordering on n t a.
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[removed]
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to be honest you were bordering on the ah when you asked if she would try again for a boy. as a mother of 2 girls i got asked this a lot when my scan for my youngest showed another girl and its an incredibly irritating and mildly insulting question.
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yta for asking if she’s going to “try for a boy”.
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well i’m not going to call you an asshole, but you were a bit insensitive. meanwhile, she has raging pregnancy hormones and of course is likely to be oversensitive.
there was no harm intended but also no need to say that, so i think you should formally apologize.
just say you’re sorry again and tell her you were only speaking from your own pov from your relationship with your own mother and you’re sure she and her daughter will be besties.
do that and nah.
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yta. i know this wasn’t malicious, and you’re also right. but while your pregnant friend muses about the lovely relationship she wants to have with her child, you didn’t need to shit all over it. you could’ve smiled and said you hoped it would happen
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yta for suggesting she "try for a boy" then doubling down on her fantasy of the relationship she'll have with her daughter .
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nta. it's stupid to go around and believe that you'll be bffs with your child just because it's a girl, or the opposite if it's a boy! if she didn't know this already, it was about time she learned this now. seems like she needs some therapy if she believes her kid is going to hate her now just because you told her that nothing is guaranteed.
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yta for asking if she'd *try* for a boy. you get what you get. you *love* the child you get, regardless of genitals. i have 3 boys. my eldest and a set of twins. we only wanted 2 kids. yet i *still* get asked if i'm going to try for a girl (i've had 2 pregnancies and ended up with 3 boys, the odds are clearly slim!). like these people think that my 3 boys aren't good enough for me? even though 1 of them is a bonus child as well! also that apparently it's super easy to just grow and pop out another baby just so i can have a girl. no one thinks that it might be another boy, or another set of twin boys... so i end up with 5 boys (instead of the 2 children we planned and knew would be what we could handle) just because apparently you neeeeeeed to have children with different genitalia....??? hmmmmmmm????
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nta - you stated quite the obvious in my opinion. the heavy pregnant lady may have been upset no matter what....
let her be and soon everyone will have the new baby to think about and will forget this stupid matter
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ESH
| null | null |
YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.487139
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: best friend is pregnant and getting close to her due date, she and her husband are having a girl and they're very excited. i was chatting to her a few nights ago and asked her offhand if she'd try for a boy after this, she said no because she wanted to be friends with her kid. confused, i asked her what she meant by this. now i don't know where she's got this from but she believes that boys, especially teenage boys, will inevitably treat their mothers cruelly because they don't respect them. that with a girl they'll be best friends like she was with her mom. i pointed out to her that i grew up in a family of only girls and we were *awful* to our mom as teenagers, and also that her mom had her really young so they were raised more like sisters. well i didn't mean anything by it but she's now convinced her kid's going to hate her. i've apologized, but she, her husband, her mom, and my husband are all calling me an asshole because i could have just as easily kept my mouth shut and instead not upset the heavily pregnant lady. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
best friend is pregnant and getting close to her due date, she and her husband are having a girl and they're very excited. i was chatting to her a few nights ago and asked her offhand if she'd try for a boy after this, she said no because she wanted to be friends with her kid. confused, i asked her what she meant by this. now i don't know where she's got this from but she believes that boys, especially teenage boys, will inevitably treat their mothers cruelly because they don't respect them. that with a girl they'll be best friends like she was with her mom. i pointed out to her that i grew up in a family of only girls and we were *awful* to our mom as teenagers, and also that her mom had her really young so they were raised more like sisters. well i didn't mean anything by it but she's now convinced her kid's going to hate her. i've apologized, but she, her husband, her mom, and my husband are all calling me an asshole because i could have just as easily kept my mouth shut and instead not upset the heavily pregnant lady. aita? [/INST] esh. mostly your friend. the idea that teenage girls will all get along with their mother and all teenage boys will hate them is absurd. her children will respect her if she raises them to respect her, and there will be friction between her and her child during the teenage years regardless of gender. you probably should have not said what you said about daughters. however you did apologise so i’m bordering on n t a. </s>
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AITA for calling out my girlfriend's hypocrisy when it comes to our pets?
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my (m23) girlfriend (f22) have been together for a few months now. i have a great dane and she has a small cat. she's totally a cat lady and i love dogs. whenever we eat at my house, my dog will rest his chin on the table and just look at you while you're eating, nothing else, he just hopes he might get a taste of your food. after a while she told me how this grosses her out because she can feel his hot breath on her hands and couldn't stomach it getting on her food so now my dog gets put in the other room during meal times.
this isn't a problem, but at her house, her cat acts like a queen and does literally whatever she wants. during breakfast, my girlfriend's cat hopped on the table and started licking up the milk in her cereal. i asked her what makes my dog so gross but her cat can literally stick its face in her food. she argued that cats have really dry mouths and their tongue basically picks up what it touches so there's no backwash (what?).
i just don't think it's fair that boomer gets kicked out of the kitchen but this prissy cat gets to jump and hang out on the table where the food is. i know it seems like i am making a mountain out of a mole hill but how is my dog being by her food worse than another animal licking it.
she said i could leave if i have a problem with her cat and picked up her cat and went upstairs and i had to show myself out. aita??
| 494
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jviyqi/aita_for_calling_out_my_girlfriends_hypocrisy/
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2020-11-17 00:36:20
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info: show us a picture of your dog, as i must see him to confirm if he is, in fact, a good boy.
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nta. she was right to not want your dog begging at the table and breathing on her food, but you didn't make it a problem. cats are not more sanitary than dogs. and i love cats, but any animal that licks its butt shouldn't be putting its tongue in your food, and any animal that puts its paws in a litterrbox shouldn't be allowed on the table while people are eating.
also post pet tax!!!
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#justiceforboomer
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nta
tell her the same thing when she's at your place. she can leave if she has a problem with your dog.
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real important question though.. did she eat out of the bowl after her cat licked it?
dealbreaker lol. you are kissing cat butt :3
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nta. your dog shouldn’t be begging, her cat shouldn’t be on the table. cats bury their poo with their feet, why would it ever be okay to have poop feet on the table? both pets need some training.
edit to switch to nta because someone pointed out my last judgment didn’t make sense. thanks guy!
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esh. neither cats nor dogs should be getting human food. the dog's behavior is lowkey begging, which is bad behavior. the cat's behavior of jumping up and stealing is also bad behavior. eating (or trying to eat) human food can be unhealthy or even dangerous for animals - especially dogs - so it's important to set clear boundaries with both animals.
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i've always said if i'm dating someone and they don't love my dog then they're not good enough for us. take care of your best friend dude and ditch her for someone who will love the pooch!
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nta. i love animals; both dogs & cats. i have two dogs (my kitty-girl, pru, passed away last year).
anything that licks its butt doesn't need to be anywhere near food...i want to throw up, thinking about it.
all of my pets beg, even pru when she was alive, but they know/knew better than to get to close until mealtime was over.
imo... run, run while you can! run fast.
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nah but good god can you people train your pets
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| 0.103303
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (m23) girlfriend (f22) have been together for a few months now. i have a great dane and she has a small cat. she's totally a cat lady and i love dogs. whenever we eat at my house, my dog will rest his chin on the table and just look at you while you're eating, nothing else, he just hopes he might get a taste of your food. after a while she told me how this grosses her out because she can feel his hot breath on her hands and couldn't stomach it getting on her food so now my dog gets put in the other room during meal times. this isn't a problem, but at her house, her cat acts like a queen and does literally whatever she wants. during breakfast, my girlfriend's cat hopped on the table and started licking up the milk in her cereal. i asked her what makes my dog so gross but her cat can literally stick its face in her food. she argued that cats have really dry mouths and their tongue basically picks up what it touches so there's no backwash (what?). i just don't think it's fair that boomer gets kicked out of the kitchen but this prissy cat gets to jump and hang out on the table where the food is. i know it seems like i am making a mountain out of a mole hill but how is my dog being by her food worse than another animal licking it. she said i could leave if i have a problem with her cat and picked up her cat and went upstairs and i had to show myself out. aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (m23) girlfriend (f22) have been together for a few months now. i have a great dane and she has a small cat. she's totally a cat lady and i love dogs. whenever we eat at my house, my dog will rest his chin on the table and just look at you while you're eating, nothing else, he just hopes he might get a taste of your food. after a while she told me how this grosses her out because she can feel his hot breath on her hands and couldn't stomach it getting on her food so now my dog gets put in the other room during meal times. this isn't a problem, but at her house, her cat acts like a queen and does literally whatever she wants. during breakfast, my girlfriend's cat hopped on the table and started licking up the milk in her cereal. i asked her what makes my dog so gross but her cat can literally stick its face in her food. she argued that cats have really dry mouths and their tongue basically picks up what it touches so there's no backwash (what?). i just don't think it's fair that boomer gets kicked out of the kitchen but this prissy cat gets to jump and hang out on the table where the food is. i know it seems like i am making a mountain out of a mole hill but how is my dog being by her food worse than another animal licking it. she said i could leave if i have a problem with her cat and picked up her cat and went upstairs and i had to show myself out. aita?? [/INST] info: show us a picture of your dog, as i must see him to confirm if he is, in fact, a good boy. </s>
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AITA for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant?
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i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year.
i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter.
i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable.
my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money.
we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that.
we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french.
i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us.
she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this.
she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way.
we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons.
aita?
| 20,163
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2gh5m/aita_for_not_taking_my_girlfriends_side_over_a/
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2020-04-16 14:59:04
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yta - all you had to do was say "sir, my companion would appreciate a menu that includes the price list." it seems unlikely this would have caused a scene. he's a waiter responsible for customer service. it may be tradition, but i highly doubt it's restaurant policy to refuse to share their prices with their female clientele.
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" i told her that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this" how was she supposed to know?
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yta she felt discriminated and you did not support her. and failed her as a partner. tradition does not make misogyny ok. these restaurants should adapt themselves to modern society. not the other way around.
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[removed]
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info: what happens if two women go out to eat at this restaurant?
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yta. she’s a bloody adult, she can see the cost of the food she’s ordering, even if you are paying for it. it really bothers people to not know the cost of things, and she probably wanted to know so she didn’t order like a $1000 dish or something. oh, and it *is* misogynistic. just because it’s “tradition” doesn’t mean it’s good or okay. the reason they give men the prices menu is because way back when, women didn’t have money of their own and were assumed dependent on a man. continuing that “tradition” today just perpetuates the notion that women have to be supported by a man.
it’s not a tradition. it’s just a remnant of patriarchal misogyny. would you call it a “tradition” for a country to not allow women to vote or have jobs, or be doctors or lawyers or engineers, or would you just say it’s sexist?
“tradition” isn’t a free pass for dickish behavior.
|
yta. not a major one and the scales are tippy here, but the fact that you told her "we shouldn't have come here then" when she didn't know is what really frustrates me. she literally had no warning and it wasn't until she was already in the place that she was confronted with a sexist tradition.
who was actually paying genuinely doesn't matter because regardless of anything she was still exposed to an environment where she was given no agency based on assumptions about her gender. people in the comments say she "still had access via your menu," but it is moderately demeaning to have to lean over your boyfriend's shoulder like a little kid to get a look at what something costs.
it wasn't unreasonable for her to ask and i highly doubt it would've made a scene if you politely called the waiter over and asked them, you just didn't want to deal with the discomfort of going against the grain for six seconds in order to help your girlfriend not feel like she was being treated like less of an adult and less a human being. even someone who's not paying has plenty of legitimate reasons to need to be able to look at prices.
she keeps bringing it up because she trusted you to have her back and you didn't.
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. it’s not actually a sexist tradition; the menu with prices goes to the person who made the reservation as that person is the one hosting the others. had you made a reservation for a group, you would have been the only one with the prices too; irrelevant of gender of the other people present. your girl overreacted based on an uninformed assumption...
have to say though; you should have just asked the waiter for a menu with the prices for your girl, you are paying through the nose and the waiter would have happily brought her one. why not do something simple to keep your girl happy?
i’m saying esh.
btw - was this la tour d’argent?
edit. thanks for the awards - my first. also; i’d like to say that while my experience in the industry is that this was a host menu, i am completely accepting that experiences may vary. sexism is painfully real and is harmful to not just women but society as a whole. we all have our part to play in challenging harmful societal norms and if a menu is your chosen vector for that, then i support you entirely.
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nta. i'm sorry but the saying "when in rome" exists for a reason.
don't bring american attitudes to french restaurants and expect an american atmosphere. just stay in america. i'm american and female and just as "gung-ho" about womens rights as the next one, but your girlfriend seems to just be fishing for something to anger her.
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nah. she's right, it *is* sexist. it may not be a very big deal, but you can at least acknowledge that this tradition has sexist roots. however, i can also see why you wouldn't want to make a scene, especially if you were the one paying anyway.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.288871
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year. i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter. i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable. my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money. we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that. we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french. i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us. she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this. she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way. we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m26) am a second generation french immigrant to the us. i speak french and most of my family lives in france, so i try to make a trip back to france once or twice a year. i have been dating an american girl (f24) for two years now. my girlfriend does not speak french at all. the actual events in question happened this winter. i usually go to france around christmas time. the most recent christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. i said sure as she had never been to france before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable. my family comes from the south west, but i also have family in paris so we stopped in paris first. my gf wanted to eat at a fancy french restaurant while we were there, something with michelin stars. expensive, but not really a problem since i make pretty good money. we made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. as a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that. we showed up and everything was fine at first. they took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. the waiter then gave us our menu. i had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak french. i was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. i had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the us. she asked me why mine had prices but not hers. i explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale french restaurants. she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. i told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this. she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. i refused because we already had the prices and i didn't want to make a scene. she demanded that i confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. i called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way. we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. i'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. she keeps accusing me of being sexist (i'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons. aita? [/INST] yta - all you had to do was say "sir, my companion would appreciate a menu that includes the price list." it seems unlikely this would have caused a scene. he's a waiter responsible for customer service. it may be tradition, but i highly doubt it's restaurant policy to refuse to share their prices with their female clientele. </s>
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AITA for not paying for my daughters wedding?
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my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now.
about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month.
they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita?
| 10,858
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhw1pw/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_daughters_wedding/
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2020-06-29 08:21:37
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yta. you were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding. then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. you are being unsupportive and homophobic.
and it’s not even about the money, it’s about how you refusing to give the money clearly shows that you don’t consider her relationship valid or good enough. it shows that you think less of her because of her sexuality, and that’s horrible.
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yta, and you're homophobic. you have no problems with same sex couples so long as you're not related to them.
you agreed to keep it for her wedding, did you say at the time only if you marry someone of the opposite gender no. your daughter had a reasonable expectation, you had agreed to keep the 20k for her wedding.
normally i'd be saying not the ah when kids expect money from parents, but in this case where you'd agreed to it. hadn't ever told the daughter something different. and are a bigoted ah you and your husband are the ah.
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# yta.
please don't try to downplay homophobia. you had a preferred sexuality for your daughter in mind and are not willing to accept her (rightfully) own decisions.
&#x200b;
you concluded **together** that the money you saved up was for your daughter's wedding. the money may have originated from you, but she has equal say in where it can get used.
&#x200b;
let me ask you this: **are you willing to alienate your daughter from your lives just to spend the extra cash on a new couch?**
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yta.
to be clear, you aren't obligated to pay for your daughter's wedding. if you could no longer afford to contribute because your financial situation or priorities changed since the last time you discussed the money and its intended purpose, that would be understandable. but by your own admission, the only reason you aren't following through is that you don't approve of her same-gender partner. we have a word for that. it's called homophobia.
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>i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter
yta i'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but i'm bi with a lot of friends in the lgbtq community and that's one of the number one thing homophobic parents say to make themselves feel better. you can't say you're not homophobic if you can't except your kids' lifestyles; it's hurtful and basically a slap in the face. it's actually worst then just admitting that you are homophobic because this is like saying "i'm fine with everyone else but not you". no kid asked to be born, they just were, so your daughter need freedom to control her own lives especially who she marries.
you already promised the money to her so it already is her money. the deal was made without any caveat so it's not right to back down on your end of the bargain just because you're angry.
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“i’m openly homophobic towards my own daughter. aita?” you’re just a troll. git.
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yta - homophobic parents are always like this. good luck with this attitude for the rest of your miserable life without your daughter
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yta. newsflash: you’re homophobic
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yta! you agreed to set aside that money for when she gets married, it doesn’t matter who she gets married to whether it’s a man or a woman, you are completely going back on what you said to her and quite frankly it makes you look very homophobic and basically an ah. how was she to know that this was meant to be for if she married a man?
you know 2 women can have children right and be great parents, you can still have your family and grandchild life if she chooses to have children. this post has just made me really angry because there is clearly some homophobic antics there. but yeah yta
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>i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter
you're either a homophobe or a controlling narcissist (
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now. about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month. they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i started saving for my daughters (28) college fund since she was born, we both worked really hard for our money and we accumulated a lot for her. she ended up getting a scholarship to cover a lot of her college so we had about 20k left over, we offered to give to to her at the time and she said she’d rather we keep it for when she gets married and we agreed. that was years ago now. about 4 years ago my daughter came out as bi-sexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type. my husband and i were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us. we thought it was just a phase but 4 years later they are still together and they got engaged last month. they came over to visit and do some wedding planning, she got her journal and it had the finances they put aside for the wedding as well as ‘20k- mom & dad’. i saw this and told her that we were planning on using that 20k for renovations now. she questioned us and we were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man. her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us. then my daughter said “that money was mine and i had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding” well no it is our money that we saved with a specific use. she left in a huff and told us to never speak to her again. i think she is being very ungrateful but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents. i am not homophobic i respect same sex couples it is just not what i wanted for my daughter. aita? [/INST] yta. you were willing to just straight up hand over the money to her, and she asked you to save it for her wedding. then she found someone to marry, and now you are refusing to hand over the money because that person happens to be a woman. you are being unsupportive and homophobic. and it’s not even about the money, it’s about how you refusing to give the money clearly shows that you don’t consider her relationship valid or good enough. it shows that you think less of her because of her sexuality, and that’s horrible. </s>
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AITA for saying I got my dress at Goodwill in front of my boyfriend's coworkers and boss, embarrassing him?
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i am an engineer and my boyfriend is a lawyer so we're doing well for ourselves financially. but i'm not into buying new, for environmental reasons and practicality reasons. i also think there are a lot of unethical business practices in fast fashion and i'd like to reduce my consumption because of that. i'd rather thrift for clothes and occasionally buy new from sustainable, ethical, clothes companies.
it's not something i think of as gross or cheap or embarrassing, it feels normal to me, and it's the cool thing to do in my social circle too. a lot of my friends love thrifting too, and are into the whole sustainable lifestyle thing.
my boyfriend has to shop for most of his good work clothes new, because his career is more image based and a lot of men's suits at thrift stores are older styles or not well enough fitting. but he likes thrifting with me for other stuff, like outdoor wear for hiking and camping, or casual clothes.
recently my boyfriend had a big company dinner with his law firm, all the lawyers and their spouses would be there. i said i'd go, and i had a nice formal dress to wear.
i'd gotten it at a goodwill in the wealthy part of town and it was from a really upscale brand (i checked later, it's called black halo and their dresses are literally hundreds of dollars new)
so at the party, a couple of the lawyer's girlfriends and wives complimented my dress and one woman asked where it was from. i was like "goodwill in (wealthy neighborhood)! i've found the most amazing things there!"
my boyfriend changed the topic right away to something else but at the time i didn't notice it was a deliberate distraction.
later, my boyfriend took me aside and asked what i was thinking, saying i got my dress at goodwill? i said "what, she asked and that's where i got it." he said it was embarrassing; like it or not law was very image focused and i was hurting his image in front of all his co-workers and boss.
he asked me to look around; his co-workers wives and girlfriends are wearing luxury brands and none of them were thrifting, or if they were they'd never admit to it. he was right, that is kind of the culture in that group.
aita for saying what i did or is my boyfriend wrong to care?
| 3,558
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dprld6/aita_for_saying_i_got_my_dress_at_goodwill_in/
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2019-10-31 18:21:50
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nah, i admire you. keep spreading the word, that's how change happens!
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nah, but it absolutely was a faux pas. you wrote it yourself, image matters in his career. when you're at a career function for him, you're part of his image. next time answer such a question with the brand of the dress, or avoid the direct answer some other way. whatever. it's kind of a stupid standard, but it's definitely a standard, and it can indeed affect their view of him and thus his career.
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nah-
he needs to make a good impression at work, and as you said, its imaged focused. he doesn't want you to be the outcast, etc. you like to thrift, thats fine.
maybe say its vintage next time, or something. little white lies are necessary to get along sometimes, when in rome, do as the romans do, etc. is it fair? no, but life isn't fair.
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nta - i don't think your boyfriend is wrong to care, it's what the corporate culture demands within his field i guess, but you're absolutely not wrong for being honest or for wearing something that you got from an "unsavoury" place. you're awesome for caring about the environment! did the other people even notice or care? it seems your bf made a big deal out of nothing.
if those law snobs are offended by that, well, boohoo.
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soft yta - while yes this is petty in a way. lawyers live off of their image and this might have repercussions for him. how he's viewed by his coworkers and boss, how they're going to treat him going forward, etc.
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nta - i know plenty of lawyers that love a good bargain
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nta. what’s the point in faking poshness and spending absurd amounts of money? i’ve gotten some on my best clothes and shoes at resale and trading stores. if he’s embarrassed by how little money you spent on something, maybe he needs a reality check in that price tags don’t mean shit. he sounds a bit too concerned over appearing wealthy and elite, likely because that’s what he’s constantly surrounded by.
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nah - no asshole here, but you have to realize your boyfriend understands his company’s culture. shit like this might effect his peers perception of who he is (who he hangs out with) and potential growth opportunities / promotion. it’s all about branding both internally and externally.
just because reddit doesn’t like this type of culture ~~pretentious people~~ doesn’t mean you won’t deal with then in real life. if you are not used to this type of culture, consider it a learning experience.
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as someone whose wardrobe is 90% thrifted, i think yta here.
some people have jobs that are full of snooty people who put way too much stock in wealth/appearances. do those people suck? hell yeah. but those people are your bf's co-workers, whose judgement he has to deal with, not you.
it wasn't on purpose, but you made your bf look bad in front of his coworkers and that makes you the asshole. you could have just said you got it from the brand's website and left it at that.
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nah - sometimes you just have to play the game. you're still doing your part by shopping secondhand even if you don't share that with everyone. if it is important to your boyfriend for his career/image then i would just let it go. some people are really shitty about secondhand goods and it is probably just not the right group to share it with.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.299499
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am an engineer and my boyfriend is a lawyer so we're doing well for ourselves financially. but i'm not into buying new, for environmental reasons and practicality reasons. i also think there are a lot of unethical business practices in fast fashion and i'd like to reduce my consumption because of that. i'd rather thrift for clothes and occasionally buy new from sustainable, ethical, clothes companies. it's not something i think of as gross or cheap or embarrassing, it feels normal to me, and it's the cool thing to do in my social circle too. a lot of my friends love thrifting too, and are into the whole sustainable lifestyle thing. my boyfriend has to shop for most of his good work clothes new, because his career is more image based and a lot of men's suits at thrift stores are older styles or not well enough fitting. but he likes thrifting with me for other stuff, like outdoor wear for hiking and camping, or casual clothes. recently my boyfriend had a big company dinner with his law firm, all the lawyers and their spouses would be there. i said i'd go, and i had a nice formal dress to wear. i'd gotten it at a goodwill in the wealthy part of town and it was from a really upscale brand (i checked later, it's called black halo and their dresses are literally hundreds of dollars new) so at the party, a couple of the lawyer's girlfriends and wives complimented my dress and one woman asked where it was from. i was like "goodwill in (wealthy neighborhood)! i've found the most amazing things there!" my boyfriend changed the topic right away to something else but at the time i didn't notice it was a deliberate distraction. later, my boyfriend took me aside and asked what i was thinking, saying i got my dress at goodwill? i said "what, she asked and that's where i got it." he said it was embarrassing; like it or not law was very image focused and i was hurting his image in front of all his co-workers and boss. he asked me to look around; his co-workers wives and girlfriends are wearing luxury brands and none of them were thrifting, or if they were they'd never admit to it. he was right, that is kind of the culture in that group. aita for saying what i did or is my boyfriend wrong to care?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am an engineer and my boyfriend is a lawyer so we're doing well for ourselves financially. but i'm not into buying new, for environmental reasons and practicality reasons. i also think there are a lot of unethical business practices in fast fashion and i'd like to reduce my consumption because of that. i'd rather thrift for clothes and occasionally buy new from sustainable, ethical, clothes companies. it's not something i think of as gross or cheap or embarrassing, it feels normal to me, and it's the cool thing to do in my social circle too. a lot of my friends love thrifting too, and are into the whole sustainable lifestyle thing. my boyfriend has to shop for most of his good work clothes new, because his career is more image based and a lot of men's suits at thrift stores are older styles or not well enough fitting. but he likes thrifting with me for other stuff, like outdoor wear for hiking and camping, or casual clothes. recently my boyfriend had a big company dinner with his law firm, all the lawyers and their spouses would be there. i said i'd go, and i had a nice formal dress to wear. i'd gotten it at a goodwill in the wealthy part of town and it was from a really upscale brand (i checked later, it's called black halo and their dresses are literally hundreds of dollars new) so at the party, a couple of the lawyer's girlfriends and wives complimented my dress and one woman asked where it was from. i was like "goodwill in (wealthy neighborhood)! i've found the most amazing things there!" my boyfriend changed the topic right away to something else but at the time i didn't notice it was a deliberate distraction. later, my boyfriend took me aside and asked what i was thinking, saying i got my dress at goodwill? i said "what, she asked and that's where i got it." he said it was embarrassing; like it or not law was very image focused and i was hurting his image in front of all his co-workers and boss. he asked me to look around; his co-workers wives and girlfriends are wearing luxury brands and none of them were thrifting, or if they were they'd never admit to it. he was right, that is kind of the culture in that group. aita for saying what i did or is my boyfriend wrong to care? [/INST] nah, i admire you. keep spreading the word, that's how change happens! </s>
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AITA: I bought my girlfriend a $800 bag and may have caused her to have a seizure
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my girlfriend (25f) who worked as a veterinarian nurse has had a rough year. she was diagnosed with epilepsy 10 years ago but her seizures have suddenly become very frequent and she was told by her doctor that she has to stop working until they can get her epilepsy under control again. i (28m) didn’t want her to eat through her savings so i have been financially supporting her as i work a decent paying job. this has made her incredibly depressed because she loved her job and she hates depending on others.
this christmas my girlfriend and i agreed that we weren’t going to be doing gifts. but after such a crap year, i felt like she deserved something and i decided to go all in and buy her a coach bag. i spent $800 on it and i’ve been hiding it from her for two months. i thought she’d be over the moon but this morning i finally surprised her with it and she literally broke down crying and then started yelling at me. she told me that i was purposely trying to make her look like a shit partner because she can’t afford to buy me anything and then said that i was treating her like “sugar baby” which i thought was completely ridiculous. i told her she was being dramatic and it’s just a bag, she should be happy. this argument went on for about an hour before she told me and i quote, “shove the bag up your ass.” and then she called her sister to come pick her up and take her to her parent’s.
we’ve been together for 6 years and this is the first christmas we spent without each other so i’ve been upset all day. i called her repeatedly through the day but she ignored them all so i sent her a snarky text message “thanks for a great fucking christmas.” i think it’s understandable that i’m frustrated.
around an hour ago, my girlfriend’s sister called me to tell me that my girlfriend had a bad seizure and she had to be taken to hospital and then her sister tried to blame me for it because i “stressed her out.” i’m honestly that fucking pissed off about this entire situation and i can’t even see my girlfriend because no visitors are allowed at the hospital due to the restrictions.
this is the worst christmas ever and it’s all because i bought my girlfriend a present. aita here? because i feel like i’m missing something.
| 7,685
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro9c06/aita_i_bought_my_girlfriend_a_800_bag_and_may/
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2021-12-25 12:55:42
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esh
i was on your side in the beginning until the text.
your girlfriend is clearly going through a very stressful time and is not processing her emotions appropriately. this doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you, though. she and her sister also can’t go around blaming other people for her seizures. yes, stress can exacerbate them, but it’s not your fault that she’s not dealing with her feelings about her financial situation appropriately.
i understand your frustration but hitting back with a text that is obviously sent to upset her/make her feel guilty didn’t do anything to help the situation, especially when she very clearly is already struggling. you both could work on your communication.
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yta, you agreed not to do gifts, you didn't pick up something small because she was important to you (that could be reciprocated by a good gesture in return), you did something she could not reciprocate and then tried to write it off. she was already stressed about it and felt worse for your gift.
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yta. you knew she was feeling terrible about being dependent and not having money and agreed no gifts. then, you not only got her a gift, but a very expensive one. while your motive was good, your judgment was really awful. return the bag and provide an experience that you can do for each other - cook a wonderful dinner together and watch a movie, give each other a massage, etc. for now, you need to grovel. good luck, op.
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soft yta for buying her such an expensive gift after agreeing to go no gifts. but, you're not responsible for her seizure.
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have you seen that episode of the office where the gift limit is $20 but michael buys an ipod and thinks he’s the man? that’s you with your gf, except she’s already struggling with other stuff including feeling inferior because she can’t currently support herself.
when she didn’t consider you a hero for getting her an outlandish gift you got pissed.
yta.
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yta - i know you think you were doing a nice thing but it sounds like a case of giving a gift to make yourself feel good rather than giving the recipient what they wanted.
you guys agreed on no gifts so this was a ah move. the sister is also an ah for blaming you for the seizure.
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missed the part where op gets really shitty via text, op, yta but the rest of my comment still stands.
i do want to bring up that seizures in certain areas of the brain make it difficult to control emotions, medications that are taken for epilepsy can also cause serious behavioral and emotional changes and just dealing with debilitating seizures or any debilitating disease in general will cause serious emotional struggles.
it's likely that the way she reacted was because she was already in the prodromal stage of a seizure.
op, if you didn't already know about the physiological/chemical things that happen before, during and after a seizure it's important that you educate yourself as it may help you both cope with her difficulties in the future.
editing to say: the gf is definitely not an asshole. op could potentially be an asshole but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he really did just want to give his gf a nice gift because she's been dealing with a lot.
editing again because i missed the part about the nasty text op sent, op is ta.
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yta
i was esh until the text. you mutually agreed no gifts, then you decided to break this (even with good intentions), not just with any gift but really quite a lavish gift. i can imagine that she was blind sided by this. whilst this gift was given with good intentions it hit her insecurities (which you were already aware of) hard and on top that that, she likely was made to feel worse about the situation because she didnt get you a gift (as you both agreed).
i can imagine that you calling her whilst shes at her parents did give her stress. after the first or even second ignored call, you should have left it there. any further calls were harassment and meant to annoy her, your text to top it off really was just an ah move to get under her skin. as an outsider looking in, i can understand how the family think you caused her stress (giving a lavish gift, breaking the agreement, not understanding her feelings about it, harassing her with calls and then a shitty text) because as far as i can see, you did.
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yta. you agreed to no gifts and then gave her something insanely out of touch for what she was expecting. if you knew for months that you had something for her, you could’ve at least prepped it by saying, look i did get you a little something, but don’t expect anything back. or because i think you deserve it for the tough year we had.
that plus the shitty texts to her because she went and got space from you is ah behavior.
you can be the ah even though i agree with others that you didn’t cause a seizure (or at least aren’t directly to blame).
you need to work on communicating and learning your girlfriend’s love languages better, especially if stress is one of her triggers. find presents that de-escalates as others have mentioned (breakfast in bed, a day trip away from life stress).
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yta
>i told her she was being dramatic and it’s just a bag, she should be happy.
way to completely disregard her feelings.
a simple "shit i'm sorry you've had such a bad year i thought you should have something to make you smile. i'm sorry"
you miscalculated and you were not at fault until you completely dismissed her feelings.
then you doubled down with that text. why are you allowed to feel frustrated but she can't have her feelings?
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend (25f) who worked as a veterinarian nurse has had a rough year. she was diagnosed with epilepsy 10 years ago but her seizures have suddenly become very frequent and she was told by her doctor that she has to stop working until they can get her epilepsy under control again. i (28m) didn’t want her to eat through her savings so i have been financially supporting her as i work a decent paying job. this has made her incredibly depressed because she loved her job and she hates depending on others. this christmas my girlfriend and i agreed that we weren’t going to be doing gifts. but after such a crap year, i felt like she deserved something and i decided to go all in and buy her a coach bag. i spent $800 on it and i’ve been hiding it from her for two months. i thought she’d be over the moon but this morning i finally surprised her with it and she literally broke down crying and then started yelling at me. she told me that i was purposely trying to make her look like a shit partner because she can’t afford to buy me anything and then said that i was treating her like “sugar baby” which i thought was completely ridiculous. i told her she was being dramatic and it’s just a bag, she should be happy. this argument went on for about an hour before she told me and i quote, “shove the bag up your ass.” and then she called her sister to come pick her up and take her to her parent’s. we’ve been together for 6 years and this is the first christmas we spent without each other so i’ve been upset all day. i called her repeatedly through the day but she ignored them all so i sent her a snarky text message “thanks for a great fucking christmas.” i think it’s understandable that i’m frustrated. around an hour ago, my girlfriend’s sister called me to tell me that my girlfriend had a bad seizure and she had to be taken to hospital and then her sister tried to blame me for it because i “stressed her out.” i’m honestly that fucking pissed off about this entire situation and i can’t even see my girlfriend because no visitors are allowed at the hospital due to the restrictions. this is the worst christmas ever and it’s all because i bought my girlfriend a present. aita here? because i feel like i’m missing something.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend (25f) who worked as a veterinarian nurse has had a rough year. she was diagnosed with epilepsy 10 years ago but her seizures have suddenly become very frequent and she was told by her doctor that she has to stop working until they can get her epilepsy under control again. i (28m) didn’t want her to eat through her savings so i have been financially supporting her as i work a decent paying job. this has made her incredibly depressed because she loved her job and she hates depending on others. this christmas my girlfriend and i agreed that we weren’t going to be doing gifts. but after such a crap year, i felt like she deserved something and i decided to go all in and buy her a coach bag. i spent $800 on it and i’ve been hiding it from her for two months. i thought she’d be over the moon but this morning i finally surprised her with it and she literally broke down crying and then started yelling at me. she told me that i was purposely trying to make her look like a shit partner because she can’t afford to buy me anything and then said that i was treating her like “sugar baby” which i thought was completely ridiculous. i told her she was being dramatic and it’s just a bag, she should be happy. this argument went on for about an hour before she told me and i quote, “shove the bag up your ass.” and then she called her sister to come pick her up and take her to her parent’s. we’ve been together for 6 years and this is the first christmas we spent without each other so i’ve been upset all day. i called her repeatedly through the day but she ignored them all so i sent her a snarky text message “thanks for a great fucking christmas.” i think it’s understandable that i’m frustrated. around an hour ago, my girlfriend’s sister called me to tell me that my girlfriend had a bad seizure and she had to be taken to hospital and then her sister tried to blame me for it because i “stressed her out.” i’m honestly that fucking pissed off about this entire situation and i can’t even see my girlfriend because no visitors are allowed at the hospital due to the restrictions. this is the worst christmas ever and it’s all because i bought my girlfriend a present. aita here? because i feel like i’m missing something. [/INST] esh i was on your side in the beginning until the text. your girlfriend is clearly going through a very stressful time and is not processing her emotions appropriately. this doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you, though. she and her sister also can’t go around blaming other people for her seizures. yes, stress can exacerbate them, but it’s not your fault that she’s not dealing with her feelings about her financial situation appropriately. i understand your frustration but hitting back with a text that is obviously sent to upset her/make her feel guilty didn’t do anything to help the situation, especially when she very clearly is already struggling. you both could work on your communication. </s>
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AITA for treating my nephew like a child should be treated?
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so i 32m, am single and no kids, never really wanted any. but i have a nephew who is 6. my sister 28f wanted me to watch him for the first time because she just recently moved from 9 states away to around 6 miles. i took him out to get food, just got some takeout because indoor dining is still closed. i brought him to the park and we played some soccer together. we got ice cream and played some video games at my house before i dropped him off later on that night.
fast forward to the next afternoon and my sister bombards me with calls and texts saying how i set a bad example on how he should be eating and how productive he should be during the day. she also yelled at me for keeping him inside a majority of the time when “you should know he has a slight vitamin d deficiency.” i told her off completely and told her to let a kid be a kid and not to micromanage every little thing he eats and does.
my mother caught wind of this and completely took my sister’s side saying i have no right to mess up a child’s “dietary schedule” like that, i’m not even sure what that means. i’m really thinking of just going no contact whatsoever and leaving them behind. aita?
| 1,819
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwawpc/aita_for_treating_my_nephew_like_a_child_should/
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2021-01-13 06:34:38
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info: did your sister leave specific instructions as to what your nephew should be eating and doing during the day?
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nta. unless she gave you a list of restrictions/health issues, a schedule of activities and packed food and snacks for your nephew then she is very much the ah.
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nta. based off of your comment, your sister gave you no specific instructions beyond "get him some exercise", which you met. was it the healthiest day? nah, like, i wouldn't expect an uncle babysitting his nephew for the first time to be a hard ass and insist on the child reading books all day and eating organic vegan meals. like, it's a special day.
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nta your sister and mother need a serious check on themselves if they think one day of bad eating and video games will affect a 7 year old at all. and if his restrictions were so serious she would’ve mentioned them beforehand.
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info
did she give you instructions that you chose to ignore?
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nta. did she leave you with a detailed list of foods he shouldn’t eat or activities he shouldn’t do? honestly, that sounds like a day i would enjoy and i’m 55.
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nta. your sister didn't tell you her son's usual routine or offer any guidelines. one day of takeout won't hurt the kid. neither will playing video games after also having played soccer outside. your sister ought to be more appreciative of a free babysitter.
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info- did your sister communicate any “rules” for the child? did she, clearly, state that it was her decision, as a parent, that he wasn’t to eat whatever it was that he ate or that he wasn’t to play video games?
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oh that poor child. nta. if your sister had specific requests, she should have made them up front.
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nta.
what actually happened is your nephew is probably gushing about what an amazing, fun time he had with you and she’s jealous because he doesn’t act like that usually. clearly he does not get to do that stuff at her house if she’s upset. glad you showed him a great time!
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.041243
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i 32m, am single and no kids, never really wanted any. but i have a nephew who is 6. my sister 28f wanted me to watch him for the first time because she just recently moved from 9 states away to around 6 miles. i took him out to get food, just got some takeout because indoor dining is still closed. i brought him to the park and we played some soccer together. we got ice cream and played some video games at my house before i dropped him off later on that night. fast forward to the next afternoon and my sister bombards me with calls and texts saying how i set a bad example on how he should be eating and how productive he should be during the day. she also yelled at me for keeping him inside a majority of the time when “you should know he has a slight vitamin d deficiency.” i told her off completely and told her to let a kid be a kid and not to micromanage every little thing he eats and does. my mother caught wind of this and completely took my sister’s side saying i have no right to mess up a child’s “dietary schedule” like that, i’m not even sure what that means. i’m really thinking of just going no contact whatsoever and leaving them behind. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i 32m, am single and no kids, never really wanted any. but i have a nephew who is 6. my sister 28f wanted me to watch him for the first time because she just recently moved from 9 states away to around 6 miles. i took him out to get food, just got some takeout because indoor dining is still closed. i brought him to the park and we played some soccer together. we got ice cream and played some video games at my house before i dropped him off later on that night. fast forward to the next afternoon and my sister bombards me with calls and texts saying how i set a bad example on how he should be eating and how productive he should be during the day. she also yelled at me for keeping him inside a majority of the time when “you should know he has a slight vitamin d deficiency.” i told her off completely and told her to let a kid be a kid and not to micromanage every little thing he eats and does. my mother caught wind of this and completely took my sister’s side saying i have no right to mess up a child’s “dietary schedule” like that, i’m not even sure what that means. i’m really thinking of just going no contact whatsoever and leaving them behind. aita? [/INST] info: did your sister leave specific instructions as to what your nephew should be eating and doing during the day? </s>
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AITA for not wanting to give my daughter a Japanese name?
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my wife and i are expecting a daughter. my wife is half japanese half african american. however her japanese side is like 3rd generation japanese. she does not speak japanese and she’s never been to japan. i say this not to negate her being japanese was but just to establish she’s more american than anything.
so she recently started taking japanese lessons and she’s suddenly decided that she wants to give our daughter a japanese name. her top choices are kokoro or sakura. now i have no problem with these names but i genuinely don’t think we should give our daughter a japanese name. neither of us know much about japan and i personally think it would be odd to give our daughter, who most people would not even perceive as asian such a japanese name.i tried to compromise and say we can give her a japanese middle name but she doesn’t think that’s fair. she thinks i’m being racist or prejudiced or whatever but i really don’t think i am and that my logic makes sense.
aita here?
| 2,083
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/brqeyi/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_my_daughter_a/
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2019-05-22 15:50:09
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nah - you need to work this out together. neither of you should get to pick a name the other doesn't agree with. it needs to be a mutual decision.
you may be better off in one of the relationship subs to get some advice on how to work this out. it's a fairly common issue.
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why not go for a name like mari, hana or kira that is technically japanese, but also has links to a more westernised name (marie, hannah, keira) so your so gets her japanese name to honor her roots but it will also be something that you can be more comfortable with?
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nah, i don't think neither you or her are ta here.
a japanese middle name seems like a great compromise, you can have an "american" first name and a japanese middle and go by your japanese name if it really matters.
for my family, most of us have 2-3 names. we have our official american one, a chinese one and a viet one. the other names aren't official on paper but is used officially depending on who we're with or where we are. if i was to go back to china/vietnam then i would go by those names regardless of what my official name is. if i was with family i would use the name respective to who i am with.
my cousin named their baby one name but goes by his middle name. we use his middle name when we talk to/about him but on paper he goes by his first name.
imo, names are names. choose what you like, what she likes and come up with where/how to use those names.
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nta i was kind of nah until the end, when she pulled out the racist card. how the hell is not wanting to give your daughter a certain name racist?!
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nah, although you don’t have to look asian to be asian and if that’s your only problem with the name (that your daughter won’t look won’t look japanese so she can’t have a japanese name) that’s kind of silly. plenty of people have names that are in different languages that they may not speak...ultimately it’s up to you two to agree upon. hope it works out!
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nah you guys should pick a name that you both like.
my name works in both japanese and english and i'm very happy my parents had the foresight to do that .
also kokoro is kind of a weird name bc it literally translates to "soul" which i've never heard before and sakura is a bit better but still uncommon and more of a pet name in japan from my experience.
source: half japanese half american grew up in japan
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i don’t really know who’s the asshole (if any) here, but i gotta say please don’t name her kokoro. that means heart and it just would sound silly to any japanese person
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yta
but unintentionally in my opinion. there is a double standard possible ethnocentric standard that people rotate towards when it comes to asian culture. americans tend to ‘exoticise’ or ‘other’ it and won’t give it the same equal treatment they would for other ethnicities. if she has an italian heritage and wanted to name the child something italian even though she doesn’t speak the language...most people wouldn’t see the issue. why? is italian more normal or accepted? it’s just a matter of perspective. also for people that have various heritage backgrounds and have to deal with american ‘assimilation’ across a few recent generations then it’s not as simple or cut and dry as what the typical american wants it to be.
she doesn’t have to speak the language or be entrenched in japanese culture to be part japanese. it’s part of her no matter what you want others to perceive or not. 🤷♀️
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i'm going with the less popular yta as well. you aren't vetoing specific names which is completely within your right as a parent. you are vetoing an entire side of your wife's heritage because you don't like the way it will appear on a child who does not appear japanese. think of it this way -- your child's japanese heritage will be the least obvious thing about her, so your wife wants to give her a name that will represent what is not seen but is still there in her blood and in her heart. research japanese names together and choose one you both love. personally, i adore sakura.
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yta i don't think you need to "earn" a name through cultural contact. hell, my name is greek and there isn't a single greek person in my family that i know of. the name should be something you agree on but "no japanese names" is kind of a shitty restriction to set when your wife is literally japanese and had to give up her own japanese name for you already.
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.790569
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i are expecting a daughter. my wife is half japanese half african american. however her japanese side is like 3rd generation japanese. she does not speak japanese and she’s never been to japan. i say this not to negate her being japanese was but just to establish she’s more american than anything. so she recently started taking japanese lessons and she’s suddenly decided that she wants to give our daughter a japanese name. her top choices are kokoro or sakura. now i have no problem with these names but i genuinely don’t think we should give our daughter a japanese name. neither of us know much about japan and i personally think it would be odd to give our daughter, who most people would not even perceive as asian such a japanese name.i tried to compromise and say we can give her a japanese middle name but she doesn’t think that’s fair. she thinks i’m being racist or prejudiced or whatever but i really don’t think i am and that my logic makes sense. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i are expecting a daughter. my wife is half japanese half african american. however her japanese side is like 3rd generation japanese. she does not speak japanese and she’s never been to japan. i say this not to negate her being japanese was but just to establish she’s more american than anything. so she recently started taking japanese lessons and she’s suddenly decided that she wants to give our daughter a japanese name. her top choices are kokoro or sakura. now i have no problem with these names but i genuinely don’t think we should give our daughter a japanese name. neither of us know much about japan and i personally think it would be odd to give our daughter, who most people would not even perceive as asian such a japanese name.i tried to compromise and say we can give her a japanese middle name but she doesn’t think that’s fair. she thinks i’m being racist or prejudiced or whatever but i really don’t think i am and that my logic makes sense. aita here? [/INST] nah - you need to work this out together. neither of you should get to pick a name the other doesn't agree with. it needs to be a mutual decision. you may be better off in one of the relationship subs to get some advice on how to work this out. it's a fairly common issue. </s>
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Aita for not telling my sister that the child she thinks is her nephew isn’t my child.
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i 27(m) have five siblings we all had a great relationship up in till five years ago. i found out my long term gf of three years was cheating on me and got knocked up. i didn’t tell any of my family at the time because i was handling it. well she gave birth and wouldn’t stop harassing me going around telling people i ran away from my responsibilities. now anyone who knows me knows i wouldn’t leave without a reason and didn’t need anymore info then that i thought but my oldest sister was a different story.
now she has always been someone who can’t stay out of other peoples business she would attack me and say all kinds of messed up things about me in public. i would be lying if i said it wasn’t all funny to me but it was. she pretty much went low contact with me for abandoned my so-called child and the rest of our immediate family for not encouraging/forcing me to step up and be a father. well over the years i started to tell the rest of my family what happen they would always ask how long will i keep this up.
after the pandemic begun she started coming back around our parents. talking about all the time she spend with their other grandchild. my parents are the people who taught me about staying out of other peoples business and didn’t say a word. now we all got together for thanksgiving it was the first time in five years we were all together she start attacking me about the child how big it’s gotten and how a father could abandonment it. so i responded i don’t know why don’t you ask ex why the real dad ran away. my sisters called me a lier and i asked if she want to see the test results form five years ago she was dumbstruck and when she learned i wasn’t lying she called me an asshole for letting her be an aunt to a child she not related to. i be called an asshole be her in-laws side of her family and friends for letting this joke go on for five years. so aita?
so i just want to make one thing very clear. after my ex gave birth i had the dna test done i was not the father i cut her off. my sister went to see my ex with out me knowing got her side of the story and immediately started attacking and berating me on social media. she never asked me so i decided to keep letting her make an ass out of her self. no one else in my life took my ex’s side not even her own parents because everyone knew my character. when i don’t immediately jump to be a father to the child she went to our siblings and our parents to try and force me when they didn’t jump she went low contact with our parents and no contact with me and our siblings. i have not heard from her in five years. so this is 100% on her.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7tx1m/aita_for_not_telling_my_sister_that_the_child_she/
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2020-12-06 13:39:33
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esh.
yes, she shouldn’t have rushed to judgement.
but there was no reason not to tell your family that someone who was purportedly a family member simply wasn’t. not sure if you meant it to sound this way, but it sounds like you let this persist because you thought it was “funny”.
granted, someone else in your family also could have told her. so she’s probably the biggest asshole if none of them wanted to mention it either when she went on one of her tirades.
but she’s justified in being upset at you, even if it is somewhat self-inflicted on her part.
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yta. i’d your sister thought you had a child and abandoned your responsibilities as a parent, she was in the right to get on your case about it. too many biological fathers do that, and it’s really awful. this all sounds like some immature sibling rivalry that got brought into adulthood. letting her think for 5years that she had a niece or nephew like that is plain brutal, nosey or not.
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info. maybe i misunderstood, why didn’t you tell her initially?
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yta your reasoning makes no sense. of course people are going to think you abandoned your child and will judge you for it if you never tell anyone the truth lol
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esh
you lied by omission. for years. knowingly.
you brought much of this on yourself.
sister is an ah because, thinking you were a deadbeat dad, she should have just cut you out of her life after once encouraging you to no abandon your (reasonably assumes) child, rather than berating you for years.
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nta, your ex took advantage of her not you. she could have just ask you once why?
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esh leaning a bit on yta. dude. wtf? why couldn't you just go out and be honest to her? tell her that it wasn't yours, make it clear? she thought her own brother abandoned his child. if i thought my own brother abandoned his child is never let that go either. sure, she was nosey, but you're to blame for never making it known that the child isn't yours
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esh. your sister is an asshole because he assumed the worst without asking you but she thought you abandoned your son. trying to have a relationship with your nephew because you think his father abandoned him isn’t out of place. you let her get attached to a child for years while it would have cost you absolutely nothing to tell her right away.
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yta for being so immature and messing with the emotions of other people. your sister, in good faith, acted like an aunt to a child she was told was yours. it would’ve taken literally seconds to tell her the child wasn’t yours. now you’ve let a little girl grow attached to an aunt that isn’t and might disappear; and your sister grew attached to the kid; plus the weirdness of some family members knowing, some not. like this is just a bizarro immature way for you to handle the situation. and that you consider it a “joke” says a lot about you.
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well if its was your kid your sister would be the queen of saints. its not job of sister to trust without question, this is what parents do.
so, you could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble if you simply told her truth.
was it any of her bussinesss? no it wasnt but she just didnt want child to be abandoned by its father.
her slandering you publicly, no thats not nice. but you know you decided to ommit truth and at first didnt even tell your parents, what i want to say, you arent blameless in this.
so esh for me, even if i understand why you did this its not like you are blameless in this missunderstanding
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 27(m) have five siblings we all had a great relationship up in till five years ago. i found out my long term gf of three years was cheating on me and got knocked up. i didn’t tell any of my family at the time because i was handling it. well she gave birth and wouldn’t stop harassing me going around telling people i ran away from my responsibilities. now anyone who knows me knows i wouldn’t leave without a reason and didn’t need anymore info then that i thought but my oldest sister was a different story. now she has always been someone who can’t stay out of other peoples business she would attack me and say all kinds of messed up things about me in public. i would be lying if i said it wasn’t all funny to me but it was. she pretty much went low contact with me for abandoned my so-called child and the rest of our immediate family for not encouraging/forcing me to step up and be a father. well over the years i started to tell the rest of my family what happen they would always ask how long will i keep this up. after the pandemic begun she started coming back around our parents. talking about all the time she spend with their other grandchild. my parents are the people who taught me about staying out of other peoples business and didn’t say a word. now we all got together for thanksgiving it was the first time in five years we were all together she start attacking me about the child how big it’s gotten and how a father could abandonment it. so i responded i don’t know why don’t you ask ex why the real dad ran away. my sisters called me a lier and i asked if she want to see the test results form five years ago she was dumbstruck and when she learned i wasn’t lying she called me an asshole for letting her be an aunt to a child she not related to. i be called an asshole be her in-laws side of her family and friends for letting this joke go on for five years. so aita? so i just want to make one thing very clear. after my ex gave birth i had the dna test done i was not the father i cut her off. my sister went to see my ex with out me knowing got her side of the story and immediately started attacking and berating me on social media. she never asked me so i decided to keep letting her make an ass out of her self. no one else in my life took my ex’s side not even her own parents because everyone knew my character. when i don’t immediately jump to be a father to the child she went to our siblings and our parents to try and force me when they didn’t jump she went low contact with our parents and no contact with me and our siblings. i have not heard from her in five years. so this is 100% on her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 27(m) have five siblings we all had a great relationship up in till five years ago. i found out my long term gf of three years was cheating on me and got knocked up. i didn’t tell any of my family at the time because i was handling it. well she gave birth and wouldn’t stop harassing me going around telling people i ran away from my responsibilities. now anyone who knows me knows i wouldn’t leave without a reason and didn’t need anymore info then that i thought but my oldest sister was a different story. now she has always been someone who can’t stay out of other peoples business she would attack me and say all kinds of messed up things about me in public. i would be lying if i said it wasn’t all funny to me but it was. she pretty much went low contact with me for abandoned my so-called child and the rest of our immediate family for not encouraging/forcing me to step up and be a father. well over the years i started to tell the rest of my family what happen they would always ask how long will i keep this up. after the pandemic begun she started coming back around our parents. talking about all the time she spend with their other grandchild. my parents are the people who taught me about staying out of other peoples business and didn’t say a word. now we all got together for thanksgiving it was the first time in five years we were all together she start attacking me about the child how big it’s gotten and how a father could abandonment it. so i responded i don’t know why don’t you ask ex why the real dad ran away. my sisters called me a lier and i asked if she want to see the test results form five years ago she was dumbstruck and when she learned i wasn’t lying she called me an asshole for letting her be an aunt to a child she not related to. i be called an asshole be her in-laws side of her family and friends for letting this joke go on for five years. so aita? so i just want to make one thing very clear. after my ex gave birth i had the dna test done i was not the father i cut her off. my sister went to see my ex with out me knowing got her side of the story and immediately started attacking and berating me on social media. she never asked me so i decided to keep letting her make an ass out of her self. no one else in my life took my ex’s side not even her own parents because everyone knew my character. when i don’t immediately jump to be a father to the child she went to our siblings and our parents to try and force me when they didn’t jump she went low contact with our parents and no contact with me and our siblings. i have not heard from her in five years. so this is 100% on her. [/INST] esh. yes, she shouldn’t have rushed to judgement. but there was no reason not to tell your family that someone who was purportedly a family member simply wasn’t. not sure if you meant it to sound this way, but it sounds like you let this persist because you thought it was “funny”. granted, someone else in your family also could have told her. so she’s probably the biggest asshole if none of them wanted to mention it either when she went on one of her tirades. but she’s justified in being upset at you, even if it is somewhat self-inflicted on her part. </s>
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AITA for refusing to call my niece by her actual name because it’s terrible
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my brother and his girlfriend had a baby girl two months ago. i didn’t visit her in the hospital due to the restrictions but i quickly found out that they named her celexa. one google search will tell you that is the name of an antidepressant medication. i don’t understand the thought process behind choosing that name but i really cannot stand it and i laugh whenever someone in my family refers to her. i decided to just call her lexa and when my brother’s girlfriend asked me why i never call her celexa, i told her the truth - that it’s the name of a medication and now apparently i’ve got her upset because she’s worried that people are gonna bully their daughter. nobody in my family seems to be on my side so now i’m wondering if it was a mistake to point it out.
so aita?
| 3,855
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyj7ch/aita_for_refusing_to_call_my_niece_by_her_actual/
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2020-11-21 21:43:02
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info: are they mad because you won't call her by her given name or are they upset because they didn't realize that the name was a medication?
if they're mad because you are straight up refusing to use her name because it makes you uncomfortable then yta. its her name get over yourself.
if they're just upset because they didn't realize that the name was also the name of a medication then nta. they may be upset with the situation and concerned about the future well-being of their daughter.
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yeah, yta. i mean, basically you're the first bully in this kid's life so congrats on that. people sometimes have unusual names, being so immature and petty that you refuse to refer to a human being by their name is stupid and mean. grow up.
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i can't. i literally can't. i can't give a verdict on this one. celexa is an objectively horrible name for a child. but.... it's her name?? so you... should probably respect that? this situation is too fucked for a judgement and i'm sorry
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yta. not for answering her question, but for unilaterally deciding your niece's name sucks, laughing at it, and refusing to call her by it. i doubt little kids are going to going to know the brand names of citalopram and by the time they're old enough, your niece will be old enough to decide what she's going to be called. and by then its manufacturer will have tweaked the formula slightly, changed the name, and patented it as something a lot more expensive. but mostly yta for teaching a little girl to dislike something about herself. there's no reason for her to be self conscious about her name, but you are actively teaching her that there's something wrong with it. she will get that message about everything about herself from a thousand other sources in life: she doesn't need it from you too. let her enjoy the bubble of childhood.
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yta. you've done a good job of proving your point. you're the first to pick on the kid for her name. congrats
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i have a friend named keppra, which is also an anti seizure medication. my entire family is made up of physicians and nurses so it always gets a chuckle out of them when i bring her up
but i can’t tell you how many parties i’ve been to where people meet her and gush that it’s a beautiful name. she loves her name, and while she rolls her eyes at the medical jokes, she has never once felt ashamed of it, and imo, the name suits who she is as a person
yta not for thinking the name is silly, but for refusing to accept that that’s your niece’s name and that you need to respect her. instead of making her feel her name needs to be “nicknamed” to be suitable, you should be encouraging her to be who she is and to never apologize for it
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nta they asked your reasoning and you merely stated it so the nickname lexa was in my opinion a good alternative. the mom seems to to be mortified so i would suggest reassuring her just in case and the ones blaming you tell them they need to cut it out plain and simple.
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omg i literally take that medication
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nta. i’m on celexa. it’s a horrible name for a baby
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yta. you need to respect the name they chose. names are a very personal and meaningful choice. laughing when someone refers to the baby by her name is particularly awful. if the girl want to be called by a nickname when she gets older, do that then.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.334749
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother and his girlfriend had a baby girl two months ago. i didn’t visit her in the hospital due to the restrictions but i quickly found out that they named her celexa. one google search will tell you that is the name of an antidepressant medication. i don’t understand the thought process behind choosing that name but i really cannot stand it and i laugh whenever someone in my family refers to her. i decided to just call her lexa and when my brother’s girlfriend asked me why i never call her celexa, i told her the truth - that it’s the name of a medication and now apparently i’ve got her upset because she’s worried that people are gonna bully their daughter. nobody in my family seems to be on my side so now i’m wondering if it was a mistake to point it out. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother and his girlfriend had a baby girl two months ago. i didn’t visit her in the hospital due to the restrictions but i quickly found out that they named her celexa. one google search will tell you that is the name of an antidepressant medication. i don’t understand the thought process behind choosing that name but i really cannot stand it and i laugh whenever someone in my family refers to her. i decided to just call her lexa and when my brother’s girlfriend asked me why i never call her celexa, i told her the truth - that it’s the name of a medication and now apparently i’ve got her upset because she’s worried that people are gonna bully their daughter. nobody in my family seems to be on my side so now i’m wondering if it was a mistake to point it out. so aita? [/INST] info: are they mad because you won't call her by her given name or are they upset because they didn't realize that the name was a medication? if they're mad because you are straight up refusing to use her name because it makes you uncomfortable then yta. its her name get over yourself. if they're just upset because they didn't realize that the name was also the name of a medication then nta. they may be upset with the situation and concerned about the future well-being of their daughter. </s>
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AITA for excluding one of my girlfriends from girls' night out after he came out as transgender?
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first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body.
she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning.
we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita?
| 14,282
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dbrupz/aita_for_excluding_one_of_my_girlfriends_from/
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2019-10-01 11:14:44
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yta- you’re not transphobic for not inviting him, you’re transphobic for no longer being comfortable round someone you considered a friend over this transition.
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yta
because:
>because my safety overtakes his feelings.
what do you think he's going to do exactly? why would you fear for your safety around him?
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look. you're not wrong to stop inviting him along for girls' night. excluding him from that isn't transphobic. inviting him is, because that way, you're invalidating his transition to the male gender and telling him he's just "one of the girls." so he shouldn't be invited to girls nights because he's not a girl anymore.
but yta for that last statement. your safety comes first? you know, he's not going to, like, beat you or rape you suddenly. yta for implying he's suddenly dangerous to you.
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info: what do you mean by your safety overtakes his feelings? what about your safety is at jeopardy here?
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yta. massively.
how on earth does him transitioning threaten your safety? excluding him from girls night for no longer being one of the girls is not at all transphobic, not feeling safe around a trans man is what makes this transphobic. do you feel unsafe around every single cis man ever? even if you’ve known them for a long time? or is it just trans men you’re scared of?
definitely transphobic, maybe sexist, definitely an asshole.
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yta. you “don’t feel comfortable” with your friend anymore because they are trans. that’s transphobic. you’re all assholes.
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info - the whole post is about how it’s girls night out so he doesn’t fit, then the last line you bring up your safety? how the fuck does being transgender affect your safety if you don’t mind me asking
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yta- i was all the way not the asshole until you brought up safety. how the fuck are you suddenly not safe because he is transitioning?
yeah, if she becomes a he, he can no longer join for girls night. that makes complete sense. i doubt there is a nice way of saying that, but girls night - clue is in the name. he can go out with the boys, though, which i’m guessing he would prefer, being that it comes with the territory of changing genders. act like a man, be treated like a man, be a man. but that doesn’t make him unsafe. just wtf.
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your friend has reached an incredibly difficult, strenuous part of his life. you can slightly modify your routine to accommodate him, or let him know that he's not important enough in your life to make any sort of small change for him.
yta
bonus asshole points for saying this, too:
>i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feeling
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nta.
save the bullshit. he isn't a she and so he isn't invited.
girls night. you have to be a girl.
the end.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.106132
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning. we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning. we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita? [/INST] yta- you’re not transphobic for not inviting him, you’re transphobic for no longer being comfortable round someone you considered a friend over this transition. </s>
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AITA for refusing to delete my photos with my baby brother?
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i (19m) have a baby brother named ian (4m) that i just fucking love. he's my guy, i thought kids were noisy, but ian is my star in the sky. he's my half-brother (my dad (45m) married his wife(30f) six years ago and had my brother) but i don't really care, i'm always buying us matching shit; shirts, pants, sneakers, caps, it doesn't matter, my dad is actually in love with this and it's always taking pictures of us.
i, like any normal guy, have 2 instagram, one for family and close friends and the other for fun, my personal ig is private and i have like 30 followers and i follow like 40 people because as i said, it's private. whenever i take a photo with ian (mostly when we are matching), i post it there. both my dad and his wife follow that ig and knows i post ian there, my dad has no problem and i thought his wife didn't too, tbh she's not really a social media gal and i rarely see her on her phone, i guess it was one of those times when she just checked and saw a pic of ian and me on her feed.
the next time i went to visit my dad, she pulled me aside (with my dad there) and said that what i've been doing is disrespectful because i should've asked for their permission to expose their kid on social media and she demanded i delete all of the photos because ian isn't someone i should be ''showing off'' as a trophy. i was honestly appalled, and my dad was too, because i've never given the impression that i see my brother like that and that i truly love him. i apologized, but said that her comment was rude because she doesn't get project her feelings onto mine. my dad said i don't have to delete the pics since all of them are harmless, but she said i was an ah and that as ian's mother, she gets to determinate those things and that i could either delete them or she could sue me.
my gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so i'm not sure.
| 2,880
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrhq3r/aita_for_refusing_to_delete_my_photos_with_my/
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2022-09-29 20:11:10
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esh. her comment about you thinking he's a trophy was wrong but she is his mother and if she's not comfortable with her son's pictures being on social media, you should respect her wishes. you can keep the photos but delete them from insta.
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esh
a lot of parents don’t want their kids pictures on insta, a private profile isn’t truly private. you always ask before posting pics of kids, always.
your stepmom’s way of asking you to remove the photos was way out of line too, there is a civil way to ask and a a burn this fucker down way. your stepmom went full btfd
your dad should have done a much better job protecting you from her irrational flip out
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esh.
brother or not you still don’t get to post someone’s child on social media without their permission. and with things like this your dad’s input doesn’t matter. she doesn’t like it so it’s a no. and if he didn’t like it but she did it would still be a no because he doesn’t like it.
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esh
she could have been nicer. but, you don’t get to override the parent of the child you’re posting photos of (w/o a release form at least)
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nah. you want to show off your brother; your stepmom is concerned with having her child’s face posted anywhere on the internet where she didn’t consent.
here’s the thing: if you don’t delete the pictures, it’s pretty much guaranteed your stepmom will start limiting and/or supervising your time with your brother. she’s his mom and she has that right; you’ve made it clear you won’t follow her rules. so what’s more important to you: your time with your brother, or the “likes” your photos get on ig?
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esh. she's being super unreasonable with the whole 'you're seeing him like a trophy' thing. but parents can have very legitimate reasons to not want to have their kids' pictures on social media, and it really is a 'two yes's situation. i'd save the photos to an album on your phone, instead.
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people voting esh or yta...please note op's comment that dad puts photos of baby bro on his insta, so mom's reasoning is moot. and she reacted irrationally. nta,
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so it turns out your dad posts picks of you brother on his instagram, nta. she can’t have it both ways.
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i guess all this depends on if you want to be right or if you want to be happy. you have permission from the baby’s father to post the pictures, so technically you have the right to do so. but mom does have the ability to stand in the way of your relationship with your brother. it would be better for you to play this smart and delete the photos and follow your stepmom’s rules to the letter.
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nta. my petty ass would keep then up just because she threatened to sue a 19yr old but i like to watch the world burn occasionally
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NAH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.573631
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19m) have a baby brother named ian (4m) that i just fucking love. he's my guy, i thought kids were noisy, but ian is my star in the sky. he's my half-brother (my dad (45m) married his wife(30f) six years ago and had my brother) but i don't really care, i'm always buying us matching shit; shirts, pants, sneakers, caps, it doesn't matter, my dad is actually in love with this and it's always taking pictures of us. i, like any normal guy, have 2 instagram, one for family and close friends and the other for fun, my personal ig is private and i have like 30 followers and i follow like 40 people because as i said, it's private. whenever i take a photo with ian (mostly when we are matching), i post it there. both my dad and his wife follow that ig and knows i post ian there, my dad has no problem and i thought his wife didn't too, tbh she's not really a social media gal and i rarely see her on her phone, i guess it was one of those times when she just checked and saw a pic of ian and me on her feed. the next time i went to visit my dad, she pulled me aside (with my dad there) and said that what i've been doing is disrespectful because i should've asked for their permission to expose their kid on social media and she demanded i delete all of the photos because ian isn't someone i should be ''showing off'' as a trophy. i was honestly appalled, and my dad was too, because i've never given the impression that i see my brother like that and that i truly love him. i apologized, but said that her comment was rude because she doesn't get project her feelings onto mine. my dad said i don't have to delete the pics since all of them are harmless, but she said i was an ah and that as ian's mother, she gets to determinate those things and that i could either delete them or she could sue me. my gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so i'm not sure.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) have a baby brother named ian (4m) that i just fucking love. he's my guy, i thought kids were noisy, but ian is my star in the sky. he's my half-brother (my dad (45m) married his wife(30f) six years ago and had my brother) but i don't really care, i'm always buying us matching shit; shirts, pants, sneakers, caps, it doesn't matter, my dad is actually in love with this and it's always taking pictures of us. i, like any normal guy, have 2 instagram, one for family and close friends and the other for fun, my personal ig is private and i have like 30 followers and i follow like 40 people because as i said, it's private. whenever i take a photo with ian (mostly when we are matching), i post it there. both my dad and his wife follow that ig and knows i post ian there, my dad has no problem and i thought his wife didn't too, tbh she's not really a social media gal and i rarely see her on her phone, i guess it was one of those times when she just checked and saw a pic of ian and me on her feed. the next time i went to visit my dad, she pulled me aside (with my dad there) and said that what i've been doing is disrespectful because i should've asked for their permission to expose their kid on social media and she demanded i delete all of the photos because ian isn't someone i should be ''showing off'' as a trophy. i was honestly appalled, and my dad was too, because i've never given the impression that i see my brother like that and that i truly love him. i apologized, but said that her comment was rude because she doesn't get project her feelings onto mine. my dad said i don't have to delete the pics since all of them are harmless, but she said i was an ah and that as ian's mother, she gets to determinate those things and that i could either delete them or she could sue me. my gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so i'm not sure. [/INST] esh. her comment about you thinking he's a trophy was wrong but she is his mother and if she's not comfortable with her son's pictures being on social media, you should respect her wishes. you can keep the photos but delete them from insta. </s>
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AITA for refusing to borrow my wedding (made by my mum) dress to my sister?
| 4,557
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yr0y2p/aita_for_refusing_to_borrow_my_wedding_made_by_my/
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2022-11-10 00:55:29
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nah. i’m so sorry for both of you. she’s right that it isn’t fair that she won’t get a dress, but you would be losing yours. i think the veil is a good compromise if your mother made that as well. or do you have your mother’s dress?
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the veil is a good idea and it was lovely of you to offer it to her. why don't you and your sister have a dress made for her with the flowers of her name on it - so while it won't be from your mom, it will be from her "big sisters". honestly you not ta and hopefully she will accept this.
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nta. it would have been n a h, but your sister decided to get family to start attacking you.
i feel for your sister, to not be able to have her gorgeous dress made for her by her mother. it's not fair that your mother can't be there.
however, the circumstances of life do not entitle your sister to the dress your mother made for you. would it be a beautiful gesture on your part? of course. but the fact is that your dress has a great deal of meaning to you that the required alterations could ruin. it's a special thing between you and your mother. your sister's inability to have one of her own is not your responsibility.
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nah - honestly, my heart breaks for both of you. you don’t want to change something your mother did for you. she doesn’t want to be the only one without something made by your mother. it’s just really sad and you’re both hurting, and both want your mama. that’s something that doesn’t go away.
i completely understand you not wanting to let her borrow the dress and you are definitely not obligated to. you made the choice that feels right to you and that’s admirable. though i understand your sister getting emotional as well, she wants a piece of her mom with her too and just feels sad that she can’t share this memory with her.
you don’t really have any advice other than to be kind to each other right now. you’re both going through a lot of pain and grief and you need each other’s support through this. would it be possible to commission a dress that matches your mom’s design? it won’t be the same but it’ll have a bit of the spirit in there. i’m sorry you’re both going through this.
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mild yta. she asked, you refused which was your right to do. however, from her pov she was never going to have that connection to a mother that she too had lost.
i get that the dress is special to you. you’ve made it clear that it means more to you than your flesh and blood sister. so when your relationship falls apart, take comfort in knowing that a piece of material is still in tact to keep you company. rather than sharing the special bond you had with your mother with your sister.
again, she asked. you refused. and that was your selfish right to do, but it was an ah move.
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nta... it's your dress... but.... do you wear this dress? outside of it sitting in the closet gathering dust... at least this way it would get to be worn again..what would your mom want? what would she say to your denial? what would it be like to see her in it? i'd think long and hard about the way this could be a way to see your mom's memory and work come alive again. but, i also understand how this dress is so important to you.
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nta. its very sad but the dress is symbolic for you, it was made for you, i don't understand why even the in-laws have to talk about something that doesn't concern them.
in these reddit posts i see that entitled people have no respect for the loss and memory of others. you don't have to lend it, it's not your fault she had a different fate.
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slight yta.
i assume this is your mum’s daughter too and not the usual aita for not lending the veil/necklace that my step-sister wants from the side of the fam that isn’t ours…
if that is the case, this poor girl is walking in at a disadvantage. she won’t have her own mother there that day, and she knows there are minimal alterations involved in the ask.
if you’re holding on to the dress for a future daughter (also needing alterations, btw) and are worried about reception stains, why don’t you compromise? lend her the dress for the ceremony and maybe the three of you can go out for a kicky reception dress for after the photos?
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nah. what a heartbreaking dilemma though. i’d like to give you some food for thought though… as an old woman with her wedding dress stuffed in a garment bag (25+ years 💪 married), surrounded by even older women with their wedding dresses stuffed in a bag (50++ years 💪 married)… we were discussing what to do with them. not like i’ll be buried in it. nor will my mom. nor will my sister nor 93 year old aunt … (most of us no longer weigh what we wore aallllll those years ago). it’s a burden to have our kids try to keep track of them or store them. and to be honest, with the exception of my aunts, styles, fabric and craftsmanship has changed so much that even in a quality controlled environment, they’d all probably rip on contact. if i’d known now what i didn’t know then, i would’ve happily donated my dress (as we all agreed) and let someone else enjoy the poofy satiny and bunched up hot mess that was *de rigueur* for our respective time (princess d’s poofy sleeves had nuthin’ on me! and yes i still look at my photos and cringe, lol.) the bonus for you is you get to donate that to your flesh and blood and your mom will probably be thrilled and smiling somewhere. just food for thought, op.
eta for my atrocious grammar. which clearly is still cringy even post edits. oh well.
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yta. i say this as someone whose mother died of cancer more recently than yours, i wish so much that my mom could be at my wedding. you got that, and your sister never will. your mom never met her partner, and i think that makes it even more difficult. it will always be a tough day for her, and this is a way to support your sister and help her on that day. you could make it a condition to get the dress back, or not make permanent alterations. i can’t help but think if your mother made two wedding dresses, she’d have made other personal things for you in your lifetime. how would your mom have felt about this? i know it’s tough to think about letting go of anything so sentimental, even if it’s only temporary, but i hope you change your mind.
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.590164
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nah. i’m so sorry for both of you. she’s right that it isn’t fair that she won’t get a dress, but you would be losing yours. i think the veil is a good compromise if your mother made that as well. or do you have your mother’s dress? </s>
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AITA for telling my son how to clean up after peeing
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i (34m) and my wife (37f) got into it tonight over something that i said to our son (5m). he was peeing and he has been using toilet paper (like a lot usually) to dab his penis after. i very casually told him that he didn’t need any paper, he could just shake it. she then immediately tells him that he can do it any way that he wants.
here’s where i think i fucked up. i then let slip something like “he can’t be doing that at school.” his reaction was to say, “that’s alright, i’ll do it like daddy says when i’m at school and do it like this when i’m home”.
she lost it. accused me of being ultra conservative, inducing insecurities on the boy, called me an idiot, and all together said i was a bad parent.
now, i’m a pretty liberal guy. we live in a liberal place and i don’t think of myself as reenforcing negative gender stereotypes. i wouldn’t care at all who he chose to love or how he wants to express himself. however, i suppose there are a few heteronormative things that i do think are valuable in raising a boy. my wife brings up that some men sit when they pee and how i would never be ok with our son doing that. she’s kinda right. i would want him to subscribe to the normal way of doing things in that context.
when i was growing up, there was social pressure in the locker rooms and bathrooms. i can’t imagine that that has changes much. also, i suppose i do value being able to fit in everywhere and not just the super liberal bubbles out there. i don’t know what all this has to do with how to clean your dick after you pee, but that’s where the conversation went.
in any case, we fought about it. hard. i think it’s my domain as a father to impart some aspects of manhood, even if they are completely trivial, and she should just defer. she painted me as an old-school, conservative bully.
am i the asshole here?
| 676
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mbuns4/aita_for_telling_my_son_how_to_clean_up_after/
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2021-03-24 01:52:05
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info: why can't he use toilet paper to clean his dick at school, exactly...?
edit to add: if this is some weird ass masculinity thing, which it certainly sounds like, then yta. try not to give your son a complex about weird masculinity rituals before he turns 6, maybe?
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yta
he's 5.
and you can suggest it to him without making it all about masculinity. or teach him "in public, it's faster and easier to use urinals. they usually don't have toilet paper, so you have to shake it."
your kid is already way more mature than you by being able to say he will do it one way at school and one way at home.
why the hell is this a rant about masculinity and liberal bubbles and how he expresses himself? you have issues.
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yta. just so you know, that particular "aspect of manhood" causes an awful lot of big dick-shaking manly men to get piss all over the floor and it's disgusting. believe me, if your kid runs into massive bathroom trouble in public spaces and wants to ward it off, he'll figure out to manage his behavior - either by shaking or, i don't know, telling others dudes to quit policing his penis habits. in the meantime, you telling your kid that being a real man is undone by *toilet paper* kinda screams "fragile masculinity."
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hey fellas, is it gay to sit when you pee? yta.
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i’m super liberal guys but when it comes to my five year old son pissing holy hell do i have opinions on the right, traditional, correct, holy way for him to do it. yta.
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yta. he is five. cleanliness is most important right now.
lots of dudes pee sitting down. nothing wrong with that. your mindset is outdated and very focused on the judgment you assume he will someday face.
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sorry why can’t he use toilet paper? i’m a single mom of two boys. and they both pee sitting down at home! they’ve never been taught to stand and pee by anyone. i didn’t know this was such an issue 😭
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yta. why can't he use toilet paper after peeing? its his body and if wants to do it, let him. its basic hygiene and he's not going to get ridicule for it. why do you care how other men pee? it has nothing to do with you nor does it affect you in anyway. raising your child and those "conservative heternomative" ideals you should hold dear is just another term for toxic masculinity. i pitty your son and glad his mom said something.
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yta. why do you think people are going to watch your son when he pees? if hes cleaning himself up, keeping things sanitary, and washing his hands after, go for it. just because you can do something a certain way doesnt mean you have to.
had you simply pointed out that he could do it a different way and let him choose to keep doing it his way and dropped it, you wouldn't have been the asshole. but you kept at it and taught your kid that if he didn't do things a certain way, he would be at fault for the people that treat him badly, and that's not ok.
(plus, female perspective, doesnt shaking it just send the pee flying to another part of you?? are you guys just hoping the pee lands somewhere else??? tp is definitely more sanitary)
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yta for weirdly attaching some kind of judgement onto using toilet paper to wipe your penis. like wtf? how is that “heteronormative” or not? lmao. and you think not using toilet paper on a penis is “a heteronormative thing of value”? is this even real?
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (34m) and my wife (37f) got into it tonight over something that i said to our son (5m). he was peeing and he has been using toilet paper (like a lot usually) to dab his penis after. i very casually told him that he didn’t need any paper, he could just shake it. she then immediately tells him that he can do it any way that he wants. here’s where i think i fucked up. i then let slip something like “he can’t be doing that at school.” his reaction was to say, “that’s alright, i’ll do it like daddy says when i’m at school and do it like this when i’m home”. she lost it. accused me of being ultra conservative, inducing insecurities on the boy, called me an idiot, and all together said i was a bad parent. now, i’m a pretty liberal guy. we live in a liberal place and i don’t think of myself as reenforcing negative gender stereotypes. i wouldn’t care at all who he chose to love or how he wants to express himself. however, i suppose there are a few heteronormative things that i do think are valuable in raising a boy. my wife brings up that some men sit when they pee and how i would never be ok with our son doing that. she’s kinda right. i would want him to subscribe to the normal way of doing things in that context. when i was growing up, there was social pressure in the locker rooms and bathrooms. i can’t imagine that that has changes much. also, i suppose i do value being able to fit in everywhere and not just the super liberal bubbles out there. i don’t know what all this has to do with how to clean your dick after you pee, but that’s where the conversation went. in any case, we fought about it. hard. i think it’s my domain as a father to impart some aspects of manhood, even if they are completely trivial, and she should just defer. she painted me as an old-school, conservative bully. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (34m) and my wife (37f) got into it tonight over something that i said to our son (5m). he was peeing and he has been using toilet paper (like a lot usually) to dab his penis after. i very casually told him that he didn’t need any paper, he could just shake it. she then immediately tells him that he can do it any way that he wants. here’s where i think i fucked up. i then let slip something like “he can’t be doing that at school.” his reaction was to say, “that’s alright, i’ll do it like daddy says when i’m at school and do it like this when i’m home”. she lost it. accused me of being ultra conservative, inducing insecurities on the boy, called me an idiot, and all together said i was a bad parent. now, i’m a pretty liberal guy. we live in a liberal place and i don’t think of myself as reenforcing negative gender stereotypes. i wouldn’t care at all who he chose to love or how he wants to express himself. however, i suppose there are a few heteronormative things that i do think are valuable in raising a boy. my wife brings up that some men sit when they pee and how i would never be ok with our son doing that. she’s kinda right. i would want him to subscribe to the normal way of doing things in that context. when i was growing up, there was social pressure in the locker rooms and bathrooms. i can’t imagine that that has changes much. also, i suppose i do value being able to fit in everywhere and not just the super liberal bubbles out there. i don’t know what all this has to do with how to clean your dick after you pee, but that’s where the conversation went. in any case, we fought about it. hard. i think it’s my domain as a father to impart some aspects of manhood, even if they are completely trivial, and she should just defer. she painted me as an old-school, conservative bully. am i the asshole here? [/INST] info: why can't he use toilet paper to clean his dick at school, exactly...? edit to add: if this is some weird ass masculinity thing, which it certainly sounds like, then yta. try not to give your son a complex about weird masculinity rituals before he turns 6, maybe? </s>
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WIBTA for not wanting to give heirloom ring to fiancee?
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i'm planning to propose to my amazing girlfriend very soon and i mentioned this to my family. my grandmother in particular is excited because she has no granddaughters so she gave me this very beautiful, very old heirloom ring and said to use it to propose.
here's the thing, i dont want to use it. i know my gf would love the ring because it's rather unique and she loves heirloom vintage stuff. the ring would make her very happy. btw she doesnt know i'm planning to propose not does she know grandma offered me the ring. it's all a surprise.
i dont want to give it to her because i'm afraid of the possibility that we may break up one day. i'm scared of giving her this ring that's been on the hand of at least five different women in my family and then we break up and i never see the ring again.
i love my gf so much and i know neither of us has any intention of ending things. we talk all the time about the future and our life together, and we're so excited. but i'm not stupid either. plenty of loving couples go into things expecting to end up in matching plots and caskets and end up divorcing years later.
and i dont want to be a dick and ask for the ring back one day because it might seem like i'm saying she isnt worthy or something.
help, wibta if i didn't give her the ring?
| 619
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9m52c/wibta_for_not_wanting_to_give_heirloom_ring_to/
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2019-09-26 16:37:54
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info: if you're scared you'll break up one day, why the fuck are you proposing?
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yta...but not only for not giving her the ring but for the reasons : you're marrying someone thinking about the break up
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nah but holy shit this is a bad sign. you're not even married yet and you already assume you're gonna break up?
you're turning your nose up at a beautiful gesture from your grandmother because you don't trust your girlfriend and are more afraid of losing a ring than you are her.
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yta - your grandmother gave it to you on the premise that you will use it to propose. to not use it is disrespectful to her regardless of your reasoning. i won't touch your reason why because that is a minefield.
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yta for preparing to ask a woman to marry you and already making contingency plans for breaking up.
you can always negotiate the return of the ring in a divorce settlement. the fact that you're thinking about this though is a huge red flag that you're not confident this marriage will last.
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honestly? i would wait n the proposal period. the fears you're expressing sound more your inwardly looking for a reason not to get married yet.
seriously, a meteor could hit the planet next week and you'll 'lose' the ring.
don't dwell on the possible end before you've even got to the alter,
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yta
if you're worried about divorcing before you're even married, you aren't ready to propose. the ring thing sounds like an excuse to me.
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~~info~~: it is common to give an heirloom, but if you are concerned enough to avoid giving the ring, how will you handle other larger commitments typical in marriage, like having children or buying a house? red flags here.
edited to yta
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yta. your girlfriend doesn't know about the ring now, but she will find out eventually. your grandmother is going to be disappointed when she finds out your gf isn't wearing the ring, and odds are eventually your gf will hear from someone that you were offered this ring, that she absolutely would love, and decided not to use it. you are setting up two people you love to be badly hurt. what are you going to say to them when they ask why? will you lie? or will you tell them a truth that will also hurt them deeply?
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yta.
1. your grandmother gave you the ring specifically to propose to this girl. she didn't give it to you to hold on to indefinitely. she obviously wants to see it on the hand of your soon-to-be fiancee.
2. why on earth are you proposing when you're already thinking about things ending?
3. prenups exist for precisely this type of situation.
4. you don't sound like you really want to get married.
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INFO
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.085683
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm planning to propose to my amazing girlfriend very soon and i mentioned this to my family. my grandmother in particular is excited because she has no granddaughters so she gave me this very beautiful, very old heirloom ring and said to use it to propose. here's the thing, i dont want to use it. i know my gf would love the ring because it's rather unique and she loves heirloom vintage stuff. the ring would make her very happy. btw she doesnt know i'm planning to propose not does she know grandma offered me the ring. it's all a surprise. i dont want to give it to her because i'm afraid of the possibility that we may break up one day. i'm scared of giving her this ring that's been on the hand of at least five different women in my family and then we break up and i never see the ring again. i love my gf so much and i know neither of us has any intention of ending things. we talk all the time about the future and our life together, and we're so excited. but i'm not stupid either. plenty of loving couples go into things expecting to end up in matching plots and caskets and end up divorcing years later. and i dont want to be a dick and ask for the ring back one day because it might seem like i'm saying she isnt worthy or something. help, wibta if i didn't give her the ring?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm planning to propose to my amazing girlfriend very soon and i mentioned this to my family. my grandmother in particular is excited because she has no granddaughters so she gave me this very beautiful, very old heirloom ring and said to use it to propose. here's the thing, i dont want to use it. i know my gf would love the ring because it's rather unique and she loves heirloom vintage stuff. the ring would make her very happy. btw she doesnt know i'm planning to propose not does she know grandma offered me the ring. it's all a surprise. i dont want to give it to her because i'm afraid of the possibility that we may break up one day. i'm scared of giving her this ring that's been on the hand of at least five different women in my family and then we break up and i never see the ring again. i love my gf so much and i know neither of us has any intention of ending things. we talk all the time about the future and our life together, and we're so excited. but i'm not stupid either. plenty of loving couples go into things expecting to end up in matching plots and caskets and end up divorcing years later. and i dont want to be a dick and ask for the ring back one day because it might seem like i'm saying she isnt worthy or something. help, wibta if i didn't give her the ring? [/INST] info: if you're scared you'll break up one day, why the fuck are you proposing? </s>
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AITA for canceling my daughters graduation dinner until she apologizes to her dad?
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my(42) daughter(22) recently graduated from her bachelor studies in computer sciences. she got first position academically and while i could not be more proud of her, i think i am justified in what i did.
studies had been tough for her because she chose this field but thanks to my darling husband(47) who works in the same field, she was able to cope, perform better, stay at the top of her class. honestly, the amount of effort husband put in the first year and half was amazing but daughter also worked hard which is why she got to where she is today.
last week, there was an online graduation ceremony which was basically a slideshow of all the students who graduated and a live for the top 3 academically of each department and the top projects. the top academic ones were asked to deliver a speech as well and this is where the problem started.
in her speech, she started with "i would like to thank my mother, family, teachers and especially <insert senior year project supervisor>.....". she was in another room delivering the speech and i was with my husband watching it live stream and i was hurt by the look on his face. this guy who stayed up till late to help daughter, sometimes took a day of from work to prepare her for an exam or presentation and the one who was more invested in her senior year project than even her, could not get a single mention in that speech. it was not my place to be named exclusively but this was not acceptable for me. i did ask him if he was okay and he tried to play it off by saying "yeah, whats wrong?"(he is a terrible liar and can not pull a poker face).
when the ceremony ended, i confronted her about this and she saw no problem because "that is just a standard speech". she even asked husband and he said, "no issues" trying to avoid eye contact. i asked daughter to apologize to her father and she refused because she does not see the problem and husband is also "okay" and we should get ready for the reservation we had later. i told her she could go by herself because i am not going (knowing my husband would not go either). daughter is angry that we are ruining her day. i say she just needs to acknowledge her fault and be done with. she has not talked with me for the whole week and also her father. my husband wants to ignore this and my friends say that "she is still a kid". i know this is not my fight but i refuse to budge because for me, this was a disrespect for my husband and i can't let that go. aita?
&#x200b;
| 1,867
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nxmpai/aita_for_canceling_my_daughters_graduation_dinner/
|
2021-06-11 18:24:17
|
info
i **could not be more certain** that there are some very important details here we're not getting.
> honestly, the amount of effort husband put in the first year and half was amazing **but daughter also worked hard**
you are being weirdly dismissive of the effort **the degree-earner** put in to **earning the degree** while praising ... your husband who wasn't even a student in this story?
speaking of that: there's also a weird amount of "my husband" throughout this instead of "her father" (though you *do* use that *occasionally*) which is giving me a whole not-**biological**-father vibe.
so ... what are you leaving out?
|
there’s obviously something else going on here and more to the story. from your perspective he was helping and doing her a favour but maybe from hers he wasn’t as nice and helpful as you think etc.esh
|
yta. you can’t get offended on someone else’s behalf. it’s not your place to demand an apology from one adult to another. your daughter asked her father “are you upset” and he said “no”. why he said that and why she believed it are issues between them, and your involvement is inappropriate and punitive.
|
info: did you, at any point, talk to your daughter quietly and privately and ask her why she mentioned you but not her dad, and explain that this must have been hurtful to him, and maybe suggest to her that she should talk to him and apologise to him? or did you just do it all in front of your husband (thereby twisting the knife a bit deeper)?
|
there’s not enough information but i’m leaning towards yta.
speaking as someone whose parents “helped” me with my studies when i was in school, i think i would have chopped off my hands to make them stop helping. something about your language is also really weird - your darling husband was even more invested in your daughter’s senior year project than she was? that sounds like a controlling nightmare to me. sounds like she wasn’t as happy about his “help” as you’re making it out to be. an omission like that doesn’t come out of nowhere…
your kid is an adult. forcing her to write her graduation speech to include exactly whom you think she should be grateful to is a pretty ah move.
|
yta you the a h for inserting yourself in this and cancelling the celebratory dinner over a single word. she downplayed it as unintentional and your husband was prepared to let it go but you went nuclear and cancelled the dinner.
your daughter is potentially an a h because she could have gushed an apology to her dad and convinced him that she felt horrible for not mentioning him after everything he did.
the fact that she did not do that suggests the possibility that this "help" he provided was of an overbearing and controlling nature and was resented by her much more than it was valued.
if that is the case then you are being disingenuous in claiming she is at fault. and it shows that you have the same kind of overbearing controlling nature as her dad.
|
>and husband is also "okay" and we should get ready for the reservation we had later.
yta stop telling people how they should feel.
|
yta
she earned her degree on her own.
don't dismiss her hard work because she got some help. she was the one doing the work.
she can thank whoever she wants. and it sounds like your husband probably was pushy and your daughter didn't want him butting in. hence why it only lasted a year.
and now you're making her graduation about you and your pettyness?
i can already see you posting an aita in 5y, questioning why your daughter isn't in contact with you anymore.
|
yta
this whole post smells fishy. the way you speak of your husband and the way you speak of your daughter are very telling. you dismiss her and her accomplishments, as if it was all thanks to your so called "darling husband".
you refused to celebrate her degree because of the way she worded her speech. your daughter is not talking to you over this at all for a whole week. she must feel very strongly about this, but you haven't thought about why that is?
this sounds like a strained, unhealthy mother-daughter relationship. if we were to read your daughter's take on this situation, i believe we'd get a much different story of what's going on here.
|
did your daughter actually ask your husband to help? is he her biological father?
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.032079
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(42) daughter(22) recently graduated from her bachelor studies in computer sciences. she got first position academically and while i could not be more proud of her, i think i am justified in what i did. studies had been tough for her because she chose this field but thanks to my darling husband(47) who works in the same field, she was able to cope, perform better, stay at the top of her class. honestly, the amount of effort husband put in the first year and half was amazing but daughter also worked hard which is why she got to where she is today. last week, there was an online graduation ceremony which was basically a slideshow of all the students who graduated and a live for the top 3 academically of each department and the top projects. the top academic ones were asked to deliver a speech as well and this is where the problem started. in her speech, she started with "i would like to thank my mother, family, teachers and especially <insert senior year project supervisor>.....". she was in another room delivering the speech and i was with my husband watching it live stream and i was hurt by the look on his face. this guy who stayed up till late to help daughter, sometimes took a day of from work to prepare her for an exam or presentation and the one who was more invested in her senior year project than even her, could not get a single mention in that speech. it was not my place to be named exclusively but this was not acceptable for me. i did ask him if he was okay and he tried to play it off by saying "yeah, whats wrong?"(he is a terrible liar and can not pull a poker face). when the ceremony ended, i confronted her about this and she saw no problem because "that is just a standard speech". she even asked husband and he said, "no issues" trying to avoid eye contact. i asked daughter to apologize to her father and she refused because she does not see the problem and husband is also "okay" and we should get ready for the reservation we had later. i told her she could go by herself because i am not going (knowing my husband would not go either). daughter is angry that we are ruining her day. i say she just needs to acknowledge her fault and be done with. she has not talked with me for the whole week and also her father. my husband wants to ignore this and my friends say that "she is still a kid". i know this is not my fight but i refuse to budge because for me, this was a disrespect for my husband and i can't let that go. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(42) daughter(22) recently graduated from her bachelor studies in computer sciences. she got first position academically and while i could not be more proud of her, i think i am justified in what i did. studies had been tough for her because she chose this field but thanks to my darling husband(47) who works in the same field, she was able to cope, perform better, stay at the top of her class. honestly, the amount of effort husband put in the first year and half was amazing but daughter also worked hard which is why she got to where she is today. last week, there was an online graduation ceremony which was basically a slideshow of all the students who graduated and a live for the top 3 academically of each department and the top projects. the top academic ones were asked to deliver a speech as well and this is where the problem started. in her speech, she started with "i would like to thank my mother, family, teachers and especially <insert senior year project supervisor>.....". she was in another room delivering the speech and i was with my husband watching it live stream and i was hurt by the look on his face. this guy who stayed up till late to help daughter, sometimes took a day of from work to prepare her for an exam or presentation and the one who was more invested in her senior year project than even her, could not get a single mention in that speech. it was not my place to be named exclusively but this was not acceptable for me. i did ask him if he was okay and he tried to play it off by saying "yeah, whats wrong?"(he is a terrible liar and can not pull a poker face). when the ceremony ended, i confronted her about this and she saw no problem because "that is just a standard speech". she even asked husband and he said, "no issues" trying to avoid eye contact. i asked daughter to apologize to her father and she refused because she does not see the problem and husband is also "okay" and we should get ready for the reservation we had later. i told her she could go by herself because i am not going (knowing my husband would not go either). daughter is angry that we are ruining her day. i say she just needs to acknowledge her fault and be done with. she has not talked with me for the whole week and also her father. my husband wants to ignore this and my friends say that "she is still a kid". i know this is not my fight but i refuse to budge because for me, this was a disrespect for my husband and i can't let that go. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] info i **could not be more certain** that there are some very important details here we're not getting. > honestly, the amount of effort husband put in the first year and half was amazing **but daughter also worked hard** you are being weirdly dismissive of the effort **the degree-earner** put in to **earning the degree** while praising ... your husband who wasn't even a student in this story? speaking of that: there's also a weird amount of "my husband" throughout this instead of "her father" (though you *do* use that *occasionally*) which is giving me a whole not-**biological**-father vibe. so ... what are you leaving out? </s>
|
AITA for calling the police on my client?
|
i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out.
on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed.
i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed.
the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty.
| 31,889
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qh81za/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_client/
|
2021-10-27 22:14:58
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nta.
one thing i’ve learned from true crime is the wait 24 hours to file a missing person thing is a myth. she wasn’t where she said she’d be when she said and wasn’t responding to any communication. she was in fact a missing person at that point:
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nta. her behavior is absolutely irresponsible. she deserves a dcf investigation if she can't be bothered to even respond.
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3 am she notices!?
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im gonna go with nta you gave her warning she was well beyond the time she gave you to be home they arent your kids. they are safe regardless. she should have considered the consequences of her actions. i do hope the father is stable though thats my only concern.
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nta. 30-odd minutes late is excusable. but she told you- in writing- that she'd be our for 3 hours, and ended up staying out for 9. that's not something that happens by accident. and not being contactable by your babysitter is rank negligence. what if one of her kids had had an accident? oh yes, she'd have blamed that on you as well. nothing more important than her fun, and that includes her kids. stand your ground. and maybe warn any other babysitters who she might try to con into working for her in the future.
|
well i think you're nta. you're not being petty. it's her actions that have caused this situation not yours. she has shown a total lack of concern for the welfare of her children.
|
nta you gave her every opportunity under the sun to create a better outcome. you gave her several warnings, and even made sure she got them. instead she attempted to hold you hostage for 300% of the agreed upon time. you gave her every consideration.
your friend however, was being an ass. you were not being petty. she *did* abandon those children. she knew she did not have childcare for those 6 hours and chose to stay out of the home and make herself unreachable instead. petty would be doing it after she’s late one time by an hour. this was leaving her children without a caregiver in the middle of the night. at a certain point, you had to go home, and calling the police was the only way to ensure they were safe for you to leave.
your friend needs to pull her head out of her ass. if this mother hadn’t done anything wrong, they would not have launched a formal investigation. it’s not petty to report negligence that really is happening. and if she identifies more with a mother who can’t be bothered than you, and will shame you about it, that seems like all you need to know about the future of that friendship.
obviously the mother is a flaming asshole as well. but i think we all understand why.
|
nta:
she is an adult and a parent. if she cared about her kids then she should have come home at the time she said she would, or atleast give you an update.
she saw your text and still didn't care. she was calling your bluff. if she does lose her kids that is her fault. not yours. you gave her warning with enough time to come home.
she would have done this to other babysitters. so she was eventually going to have an dcf investigation.
if the kids are taken away, they should hopefully be giving to the father who hopefully is a better parent. if they are not taken away, well then lets hope the mother learned her lesson.
|
nta. she literally abandoned her kids, went intentionally unreachable. what if there had been an emergency?
besides, you communicated several times what was going to happen. the fact that she chose to ignore it is her problem not yours.
she could easily have said she'd be out late at the beginning and offered to pay you for an overnight. then there'd be no problem.
but what she did was prioritize her night out over you and also over her children. that's why dcf is involved, and rightly so.
**when she asks if potentially losing her kids was worth being petty, ask her back if potentially losing her kids was worth not checking her phone during her night on the town.**
|
nta. she is a terrible client and does not appear to take her role as a mother all that seriously. you will probably not see any pay from this job though.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out. on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed. i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed. the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out. on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed. i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed. the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty. [/INST] nta. one thing i’ve learned from true crime is the wait 24 hours to file a missing person thing is a myth. she wasn’t where she said she’d be when she said and wasn’t responding to any communication. she was in fact a missing person at that point: </s>
|
AITA for excluding my brother-in-law’s wife and their love child from a family vacation?
|
my sister and i were married to brothers until it was revealed that my brother-in-law had a secret love child with his now wife. he also has two children with my sister.
i want nothing to do with the wife and she tried to leverage her child as a way to force my husband and in-laws into making me accept her so she gets excluded too.
i’m planning a family vacation and the only reason i invited my brother-in-law is because he has custody during the two weeks the trip is taking place. i made it clear his wife isn’t invited and that my sister will be there with her boyfriend. he said he and the kids would be coming but then his wife found out and now she’s having a meltdown because their daughter’s birthday is during the trip. she said i keep excluding her and her daughter from everything and have made them feel like they aren’t part of the family and she wouldn't let me keep doing this. now he’s telling me he won’t come and neither will the kids unless i invite them too, which i refused to do.
aita?
| 3,332
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v836fv/aita_for_excluding_my_brotherinlaws_wife_and/
|
2022-06-08 23:37:29
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esh bordering y t a. it’s pretty gross that you seem to be directing your anger and exclusion towards her and not your brother in law. it’s not like you couldn’t have scheduled the vacation during your sister’s custody time. does she really want to be on a vacation with her ex who cheated, anyways? also, sounds like you’re also excluding the child which is deeply messed up. that child doesn’t deserve to be isolated from their siblings because of their parents’ mistakes.
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ohhhhh, she won’t let you “keep doing this,” huh? she messed around with a married man and then had the nerve to complain about being judged for doing so?
nah, you’re nta.
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info: is there a reason you can't schedule this vacation when your sister has custody? then you don't have to invite him and that solves most of the problem here.
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nta- your bil destroys his family with an affair and now everyone else has to look the other way because he's a cheated a-hole? he should recognize his mistske and let his kids go without him, his new wife and their child. i know it's not the new kids fault, but they are terrible people for holding your sister's kids hostage and leveraging another to go on a trip where nobody wants them. they suck.
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what does your sister say? would it be possible to change the holiday to the time your sister has custody so you don’t have to invite bil too. he and his swinging dick really did cause a nightmare for your extended family.
nta for having boundaries and defending them.
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nta. you don't have to forgive the mistress and she's just trying to butt into the vacation. i understand if you don't consider them family (they aren't really anyway).
|
nta:
1. if you are planning the vacation, you decide who comes and who doesn't. if your brother in law decides to sit this one out, that's his call, but you are certainly within your rights to exclude anyone you know would be the cause of conflict and drama. which leads to....
2. vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, and the drama that would come with all of that would defeat the purpose of getting away from everything.
|
nta. ultimately bil is the main issue he’s unwilling to switch dates with the kids mom and stay home with his wife and love child for her birthday.
op owes this woman and child nothing she doesn’t need to change the date of the vacation and she doesn’t need to accept bils new wife at all.
i want everyone to think for a minute “if this happened to my sister what would i do?” and honestly in my case op has taken the high road being excluded from family events would be the least of bil and his new wife’s concerns i’d be ruining lives if a man did this to my little sister and then demanded i accept his new wife and their affair baby with open arms and bright smiles.
|
nta
but unfortunately when you exclude a spouse you're gonna run into situations like this. it's a shame your bil will miss the vacation, i'm sure the kids were looking forward to it.
|
info - why on earth would you schedule this for weeks when he has custody? this seems entirely impractical and like you're begging for a conflict.
|
ESH
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.086163
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i were married to brothers until it was revealed that my brother-in-law had a secret love child with his now wife. he also has two children with my sister. i want nothing to do with the wife and she tried to leverage her child as a way to force my husband and in-laws into making me accept her so she gets excluded too. i’m planning a family vacation and the only reason i invited my brother-in-law is because he has custody during the two weeks the trip is taking place. i made it clear his wife isn’t invited and that my sister will be there with her boyfriend. he said he and the kids would be coming but then his wife found out and now she’s having a meltdown because their daughter’s birthday is during the trip. she said i keep excluding her and her daughter from everything and have made them feel like they aren’t part of the family and she wouldn't let me keep doing this. now he’s telling me he won’t come and neither will the kids unless i invite them too, which i refused to do. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i were married to brothers until it was revealed that my brother-in-law had a secret love child with his now wife. he also has two children with my sister. i want nothing to do with the wife and she tried to leverage her child as a way to force my husband and in-laws into making me accept her so she gets excluded too. i’m planning a family vacation and the only reason i invited my brother-in-law is because he has custody during the two weeks the trip is taking place. i made it clear his wife isn’t invited and that my sister will be there with her boyfriend. he said he and the kids would be coming but then his wife found out and now she’s having a meltdown because their daughter’s birthday is during the trip. she said i keep excluding her and her daughter from everything and have made them feel like they aren’t part of the family and she wouldn't let me keep doing this. now he’s telling me he won’t come and neither will the kids unless i invite them too, which i refused to do. aita? [/INST] esh bordering y t a. it’s pretty gross that you seem to be directing your anger and exclusion towards her and not your brother in law. it’s not like you couldn’t have scheduled the vacation during your sister’s custody time. does she really want to be on a vacation with her ex who cheated, anyways? also, sounds like you’re also excluding the child which is deeply messed up. that child doesn’t deserve to be isolated from their siblings because of their parents’ mistakes. </s>
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AITA for supporting my wife after my daughter publicly exposed her diary which had "cruel" comments?
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i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter.
my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families.
and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married.
a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary.
my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names.
my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex.
she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex.
and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids.
i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt.
but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet.
my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic.
my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible.
i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex.
i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times.
my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out.
my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right.
i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
| 24,947
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqgdyb/aita_for_supporting_my_wife_after_my_daughter/
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2020-07-13 14:37:49
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nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation.
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nta.
> this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise
sounds like the entire point of this was to vent unhealthy thoughts.
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nta!! your wife is entitled to work through her emotions and issues in a productive way, which she has been doing with her personal, therapy diary. your daughter, although young and probably very emotional, is in the wrong and acted very innapropriately.
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nta
your wife has the right to vent.
but you need to talk to your teenaged child.
and as fast as possible with a therapist in the room.
because this will break your relationship.
this has nothing to do with sides. this has to do with a teen that feels betrayed by someone she found out sees her as a burden and wished she was never born.
your child was in the wrong, but teens have too many emotions to deal with. and you taking your wife's side in this, will feel as betrayel
also, please don't be the dad that will end up stop trying to have contact with their kids because they refuse to see them. keep trying, every month, even if it takes years. because this will determine who they are as a person.
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nta. report the images on fb and take them down. your daughter had no right to put up those pictures online. these are personal stuff not something for the world.
your daughter got her feelings hurt because of reading someone elses personal diary.
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nta. part of the reason for going to therapy or keeping a journal is to learn how to process negative thoughts in a more healthy way.
this was also an invasion of your wife's privacy.
every single person in the world has thoughts that would hurt someone else if they were shared.
the fact that your wife wrote these items down demonstrates she was trying to work through her feelings in such a way that *didn't* hurt the children. this shows she actually does care about them.
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nta!!!
what your wife writes as an outlet doesn't always mean it translates to those feelings in reality. hear me out. your ex wife probably did weaponize your children in the divorce and that is a terrible terrible thing to do to children. especially during a divorce. and your daughter probably did pick up bad traits from your ex. her actions are nothing short of that. what she did is absolutely terrible. your daughter has a lot to learn about life. your daughter is a child. she knows very little about life right now and is chalk full of hormones. not to mention her lack of life experience.
and yes, sometimes women in insecurity do say things. in private. that helps them further process their thoughts and emotions. the difference between your wife and your daughter (from what you mentioned) is that your wife doesn't act on her emotions, she just processes them. your daughter however, being of her age and having little life experience, acts on her emotions and doesn't understand the power behind processing them.
you are absolutely nta. you have a very cruel daughter. in my book what your wife said doesn't even begin to touch the surface in comparison to your daughters actions.
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nta - this is exactly why diaries are off limits. your wife had every right to use her diary to vent. the way you described your situation before this incident shows, that she used the diary to work through her doubts and issues to do her part to create a positive family situation. i also want to emphasize that i think your wife did nothing wrong. she was entitled to feeling however she felt. she did the grown-up thing and dealt with it. that is more than i‘ve come to see in most people i know. at 15 your daughter lacks the experience to acknowledge that. however, your family should. and even at her young age, your daughter should know better than to read and publish someone else‘s diary. maybe you can see a family therapist. i‘d strongly recommend that.
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nta your wife was right about your ex, she has weaponized the kids
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my god, even a 10 year knows that reading someone else's diary is a shitty thing to do, let alone post it publicly. what the everloving fuck - it sounds like the ex did weaponize the kids. i know kids aren't fully developed and all that but this is borderline evil. this was your wife's therapy. it was deeply personal and this trauma shes going through now - i cant even imagine the pain and humiliation. stand with your wife. she has nothing to apologize for - it is human to have thoughts and doubts and she was working through them with her therapist, not writing a burn book for pettiness. imo your daughter needs some serious time out and discipline, not an apology.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up. [/INST] nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex-husband he is not allowed to parent our kids.
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so i 37f divorced my 39m in 2018 after 14 years and 3 beautiful kids later. i don't blame him for the divorce and i wished him the best with his life. i got remarried in 2020 to the best man ever. he loves me and my kids.
so back to the problem. my ex has never been a great father but i never stopped him from having a relationship with the kids. when we divorce i didn't go after him for child support, all i ask for was $500 a month for all 3. he was going through a hard time and i was trying to help get his life together. i always encouraged him to spend as much time he wanted with the kids. i made sure to keep him up to date on the kids. he’s allowed to get them on weekends holidays and call them whenever he wants.
but recently he moved into our area to try build a relationship with the kids. our daughter birthday was coming up and ex and new wife wanted to give her a house party. i didn't care and told them to talk to her. if you know my daughter you would understand this. she hates parties, loud music and being the center of attention. but to please them she went along with it and really put in effort even though she didn't want the party. so the week before the party my ex called going off on my daughter. he didn't know she was in my room and i could hear him yelling and fussing. i initially didn’t say anything because as her father he has the right to fuss at her when she’s in the wrong.
then i hear him tell her she is selfish and thoughtless. he then goings on to tell her i wasn't raising them right. he said he was disappointed with her behavior and attitude. he was pissed because his wife was upset that our daughter didn't call her and thank her for everything she is doing for the party. my daughter was not excited about the party and here is a few of the reasons. 1) her brothers got to invite their friend. (kids are 16m, 15f 12m) and yes even the 12 year could have his friends there. 2) my daughter hate to dress up. so for her sweatpants and tshirts is great for everything. 3) ex new wife wanted my daughter to plan it and be excited and she wasn't.
so after he yelled at my daughter. i told her to tell him she had to get off the phone. after she got off the phone i told her that he was wrong and there’s nothing wrong with her. when she left my room, i called my ex and went off. i basically told him these are my kids and he will never disrespect and disregard my daughter feeling again. i also told him i don't give a f#ck about his wife or feelings. that he just hurt his daughter for something she didn't want or ask for. i told him that he has not been their parent in year and do not think he can come years later and destroy everything i built. i told him if he wants to give parenting advice they need to have some kids because my kids is off limits. so aita for telling my ex and new wife they don't get to be parents to our kids and to keep their thoughts to themselves.
| 422
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t9sg67/aita_for_telling_my_exhusband_he_is_not_allowed/
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2022-03-08 22:19:59
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info: don't you two have a custody arrangement? from a court? he might be a shitty parent. he might be a tremendous asshole. certainly sounds like it from the story. but he probably does have legal rights to be a parent and i'd be stunned if this episode caused him to forfeit them. and if there is a custody arrangement, where was he in years prior?
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nta. good for you for standing up for your daughter! it is obvious that your ex and his wife were throwing the party for their own sake and not for your daughter’s. you are 100% correct - there is nothing wrong with her. she is perfect the way she is.
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nta. the kids are old enough to decide if they even want to see him ever again, so he’s shooting himself in the foot if he thinks acting like that towards her is helping anything. i hope that if your kids are put in this kind of situation again, they will stand up for themselves knowing their mom will back them up.
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to everyone asking. when he told me about the party. he said it as if it was just them and the kids at their house. i didn't know until later he was actually giving her a house party. i spoke with our daughter and asked if she was ok with it and if she wanted me to talk to her dad. she have not seen him in over year and wanted to spend that time with him. our son spoke to his dad before i did and told him she didn't like or want a party and was told she needs to suck it up because they were doing something nice for her. i never try to get in there relationship because i want them to have a good relationship with him.
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nta-he needed telling off. thing is, he is going to have to learn how to communicate with his children and they have feelings too. his wife's feelings doesn't trump theirs.
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nta. it sounds like now that he has a new wife he wants to pretend like he’s a good father when he hasn’t ever been in the past. also a parent should never tell a child their other parent is messing them up. smh what an ah.
honestly you probably should’ve nipped the party in the bud before bc she didn’t want it to begin with and she shouldn’t have to have one if she didn’t want it.
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nta. sounds like they are trying to show off. if they had gotten to know your daughter and respected what she likes they would have been doing some good parenting.
| null | null | null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.010352
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i 37f divorced my 39m in 2018 after 14 years and 3 beautiful kids later. i don't blame him for the divorce and i wished him the best with his life. i got remarried in 2020 to the best man ever. he loves me and my kids. so back to the problem. my ex has never been a great father but i never stopped him from having a relationship with the kids. when we divorce i didn't go after him for child support, all i ask for was $500 a month for all 3. he was going through a hard time and i was trying to help get his life together. i always encouraged him to spend as much time he wanted with the kids. i made sure to keep him up to date on the kids. he’s allowed to get them on weekends holidays and call them whenever he wants. but recently he moved into our area to try build a relationship with the kids. our daughter birthday was coming up and ex and new wife wanted to give her a house party. i didn't care and told them to talk to her. if you know my daughter you would understand this. she hates parties, loud music and being the center of attention. but to please them she went along with it and really put in effort even though she didn't want the party. so the week before the party my ex called going off on my daughter. he didn't know she was in my room and i could hear him yelling and fussing. i initially didn’t say anything because as her father he has the right to fuss at her when she’s in the wrong. then i hear him tell her she is selfish and thoughtless. he then goings on to tell her i wasn't raising them right. he said he was disappointed with her behavior and attitude. he was pissed because his wife was upset that our daughter didn't call her and thank her for everything she is doing for the party. my daughter was not excited about the party and here is a few of the reasons. 1) her brothers got to invite their friend. (kids are 16m, 15f 12m) and yes even the 12 year could have his friends there. 2) my daughter hate to dress up. so for her sweatpants and tshirts is great for everything. 3) ex new wife wanted my daughter to plan it and be excited and she wasn't. so after he yelled at my daughter. i told her to tell him she had to get off the phone. after she got off the phone i told her that he was wrong and there’s nothing wrong with her. when she left my room, i called my ex and went off. i basically told him these are my kids and he will never disrespect and disregard my daughter feeling again. i also told him i don't give a f#ck about his wife or feelings. that he just hurt his daughter for something she didn't want or ask for. i told him that he has not been their parent in year and do not think he can come years later and destroy everything i built. i told him if he wants to give parenting advice they need to have some kids because my kids is off limits. so aita for telling my ex and new wife they don't get to be parents to our kids and to keep their thoughts to themselves.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i 37f divorced my 39m in 2018 after 14 years and 3 beautiful kids later. i don't blame him for the divorce and i wished him the best with his life. i got remarried in 2020 to the best man ever. he loves me and my kids. so back to the problem. my ex has never been a great father but i never stopped him from having a relationship with the kids. when we divorce i didn't go after him for child support, all i ask for was $500 a month for all 3. he was going through a hard time and i was trying to help get his life together. i always encouraged him to spend as much time he wanted with the kids. i made sure to keep him up to date on the kids. he’s allowed to get them on weekends holidays and call them whenever he wants. but recently he moved into our area to try build a relationship with the kids. our daughter birthday was coming up and ex and new wife wanted to give her a house party. i didn't care and told them to talk to her. if you know my daughter you would understand this. she hates parties, loud music and being the center of attention. but to please them she went along with it and really put in effort even though she didn't want the party. so the week before the party my ex called going off on my daughter. he didn't know she was in my room and i could hear him yelling and fussing. i initially didn’t say anything because as her father he has the right to fuss at her when she’s in the wrong. then i hear him tell her she is selfish and thoughtless. he then goings on to tell her i wasn't raising them right. he said he was disappointed with her behavior and attitude. he was pissed because his wife was upset that our daughter didn't call her and thank her for everything she is doing for the party. my daughter was not excited about the party and here is a few of the reasons. 1) her brothers got to invite their friend. (kids are 16m, 15f 12m) and yes even the 12 year could have his friends there. 2) my daughter hate to dress up. so for her sweatpants and tshirts is great for everything. 3) ex new wife wanted my daughter to plan it and be excited and she wasn't. so after he yelled at my daughter. i told her to tell him she had to get off the phone. after she got off the phone i told her that he was wrong and there’s nothing wrong with her. when she left my room, i called my ex and went off. i basically told him these are my kids and he will never disrespect and disregard my daughter feeling again. i also told him i don't give a f#ck about his wife or feelings. that he just hurt his daughter for something she didn't want or ask for. i told him that he has not been their parent in year and do not think he can come years later and destroy everything i built. i told him if he wants to give parenting advice they need to have some kids because my kids is off limits. so aita for telling my ex and new wife they don't get to be parents to our kids and to keep their thoughts to themselves. [/INST] info: don't you two have a custody arrangement? from a court? he might be a shitty parent. he might be a tremendous asshole. certainly sounds like it from the story. but he probably does have legal rights to be a parent and i'd be stunned if this episode caused him to forfeit them. and if there is a custody arrangement, where was he in years prior? </s>
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AITA - Wife got my Sister fired
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i am currently fighting with my wife.
she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education.
my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree.
recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job.
flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree.
when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know.
i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares?
i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college.
my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for.
i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her.
aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?
| 24,836
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iv4o47/aita_wife_got_my_sister_fired/
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2020-09-18 11:57:00
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nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about *her* actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her.
sorry, man.
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nta for being angry at your wife, but you ywbta if you don’t tell your sister and stay with a horrible woman who treats others like that. one lied about a degree, but from what you’ve written is a very kind woman who gives back to her family and the community regularly. the other is a jealous harpy who couldn’t stand someone without a degree doing well in life because it brought up her own insecurities.
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ok so it was totally wrong of your sister to lie about having her ba but unless it is a profession where people’s lives or livelihoods are at risk than i don’t see it as one of the seven deadly sins. your wife though just sounds like an awful person and she herself has lied about her experience before ... ugh. people in glass houses should not throw stones.
as for your relationship, i think you need to take a long hard look at the person she is. this particular hill she has chosen to die on (for the principle of it) has actually caused you and the people you love increased hardship. as with any of these stories, i am sure there is more to it than this.
that she is mad at you for not standing by her is full on priceless.
you are nta.
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if your wife wants to act like the degree police, she needs to be upfront about it. that was underhanded and fueled by envy and hate. your wife sounds like a true narcissist and needs to get a grip on why she feels so threatened.
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[deleted]
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your wife has threatened to leave you?
beat her to it....
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nta.
i don't agree with your sister's to lie and this was a natural consequence of it. your sister gambled that she could get away with a lie, and she lost. i've got very little sympathy for her on that one...
however, your wife just set your whole family on fire, treated your sister with contempt and hatred, and that's not reasonable or responsible.
your marriage is probably over whether you tell your sister what happened or not. it probably should be. a woman who will do that kind of harm to you sister, your mother, your niece, will do it to you too if she feels justified.
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some responses to some questions:
my wife visited my sister's linkedin and that's how she figured out that my sister was lying about her degree.
as to why i don't help: i've been out of work for the past few months and just started a new job.
my wife makes more money than i do, but does not feel it should be our responsibility to help my family out. when i was in rehab my wife's insurance covered 60% of the costs and she didn't not want to go into our savings, so my sister volunteered to pay the rest of the cost.
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esh. your wife should mind her own business which makes her the asshole.
your sister is an asshole for lying about a ba; no matter how good of a person is, do not lie about accomplishments which aren’t yours.
you are the asshole for the fact you keep defending your sister. i kind of understand your wife’s anger; she worked very hard for her degree and your sister just makes one up and is equally successful? kind of see where your wife is coming from
edit; thanks for the awards kind strangers :)
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nta
your wife is an asshole. your sister has been in the field for 2 decades. she's qualified. this isn't some 22 year old with no experience. unfortunately, we live in a society where having a college degree doesn't mean qualified, it's basically just become a minimum bar. and those who can't afford college can't then advance.
it's not like your sister is lying about having a medical degree or something (i hope).
and the fact that your wife won't "help" with your mother's nursing home fees? she has a "i've got mine" and doesn't care how many people she screws in the process. how do you and your wife address finances in the home?
although, 20 years in the field, does your sister actually need to put education on her resume?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
| 0.034939
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened? [/INST] nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about *her* actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her. sorry, man. </s>
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WIBTA if I didn't organise a gift with my kids to give to my ex for mother's day?
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our kids are 2 & 3 yo, they live with her and stay with me 1 night a week. we broke up last year over issues regarding trust, manipulation and deception and things are still very icy to say the least. lawyers are involved. it's a hot mess.
mother's days coming up and she asked if i could shift my time with kids so she could spend the day with them and i happily agreed.
she later made some snarky comment about how i'm probably not going to do anything with kids to make/get a present or do something for her for mother's day.
why on earth would i?? my time with them is so short and precious and i work the rest of the week so why would i use up that time to do something that i feel is borderline inappropriate since we aren't together and straight up rich considering she treats me like a villain.
where i might be the ah is that i used to do this stuff for her and we are trying to work through things in order to be better parents for the kids.
if it would be a dick move to not organise something then i'll probably suck it up in the interest of have as little animosity around the kids as possible.
| 1,057
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n37cxl/wibta_if_i_didnt_organise_a_gift_with_my_kids_to/
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2021-05-02 14:23:22
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info - do the kids have anyone else in their lives that would/could teach them mother’s day traditions? at their age, it’s more about the activity to teach them the yearly tradition than it is the mother receiving a gift. you could easily turn this into a fun group activity where you make a card for your mother while the kids make a card for their mother. makes it a little less focused on your ex and more focused on “hey kids, this is a day every year where we celebrate our moms.”
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nta - but: not what you're going to want to hear, but you should do it - not for your ex, but for your kids. she's still their mother, and presumably the two of you are going to be co-parenting. as messy as things are between the two of you, unless she's an actual danger to your kids, the two of you need to figure out how to have a civil relationship, and your kids are still going to be watching your relationship with their mother and learning how to navigate their own future relationships based on that. you can't control how your ex is, but you can control what kind of parent you are, and what kind of example you set for them. if she's treating you like a villain, don't prove her right - be the bigger person. for your kids.
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nah but i think you should be the bigger person here. it will make you look good and while her comment was rude, hopefully you can see where she’s coming from. you don’t have to do anything complex or that takes time away; buy a card and some candy for the kids to give her and call it a day.
father’s day is only a month later. if she reciprocates hopefully it’ll be something that smooths the way for co-parenting. if she doesn’t you never have to worry about mother’s day again.
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ywbta (slightly) mothers’ day is not about your relationship with your ex.
this gives you the opportunity to show your kids how two adults are supposed to be. remember your kids will be adults one day. you are not only raising them to be good adults, but what you and and ex do is also showing them how relationships are supposed to work. so either they are going to grow up with a crappy take on relationships or a good one. choice is yours. they will also start to see how you treat their mom and remember that (and vice versa). you can’t control how your ex behaves, but you can control how you act towards her.
also it doesn’t have to be extravagant. they are 2 and 3. they could make her a card or something.
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if she is going to do something similar for father’s day, ywbta. if she is going to do it hi f for father’s day, ywnbta. these things work both ways and both parents should be treated equally. as a mother, i never expected my ex to do something like this. i think her snarky attitude stinks of entitlement so i would also say don’t let her teach the kids to be entitled. it’s a tough call.
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nta, but; you could think of it as a piece offering. you can think of it as being the bigger person and leading by example. you don’t owe her anything on mother’s day given the turmoil in the relationship, but you could use the opportunity to try and set things on a better path. consider this, you could spend the next 16 years consistently taking the high road here. she may be the asshole the whole time. but your kids will always remember that you did the nice thing. so in conclusion, do it for your kids experience with you. it won’t be painful because they can’t read or write so it could be as simple as drawing or a painting activity done with dad. go to a craft store and buy two mugs that you can paint on and let them go to town on them without help. she will have to keep those god awful paint jobs forever and you will have had fun with the kids.
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a gentle ywbta. think you summed it up in your last line and your explanation. try not to see it as your doing something for her see it as your doing something for your kids until they are old enough to sort these kind of things for them self. it doesn’t have to be huge or time consuming. something as simple as getting them to make a card.
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yta. she is their mother. part of co-parenting is realizing that your children don't share your knowledge or resentments of a former spouse, they love and need that person. it is never borderline-inappropriate to demonstrate respect and civility. and let me tell you from experience: kids don't remember birthdays or holidays and there's nothing lonelier than having to celebrate those days without a partner to work with the kids to make it a real celebration. my first mother's day as a single parent absolutely sucked.
do the same thing for her birthday - help the kids make a card. once they're old enough to handle things on their own, a simple reminder of pertinent dates is enough.
this applies in reverse, too: if you brainstorm with your kids about something nice they can do or make for mother's day and her birthday, your ex needs to do precisely the same thing for father's day and your birthday. y'all need to talk this through and come up with a good strategy.
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info: is she going to organize something similar for father's day? this situation cuts both ways.
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nta
they're 2 & 3. like they know what's going on. and she sounds sooo passive aggressive. i feel like even if you did do something, it wouldn't be taken out of kindness on your part. but more like a "strings attached" kind of thing to the manipulater.
if it's going to bug you, then do something **super** simple like paper hand drawn cards. just give them crayons and say "make mommy a pretty picture." you don't have to spend any money on any of it. and if she gets pissed, it's 100% on her.
head up and chin out my dude
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.767125
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our kids are 2 & 3 yo, they live with her and stay with me 1 night a week. we broke up last year over issues regarding trust, manipulation and deception and things are still very icy to say the least. lawyers are involved. it's a hot mess. mother's days coming up and she asked if i could shift my time with kids so she could spend the day with them and i happily agreed. she later made some snarky comment about how i'm probably not going to do anything with kids to make/get a present or do something for her for mother's day. why on earth would i?? my time with them is so short and precious and i work the rest of the week so why would i use up that time to do something that i feel is borderline inappropriate since we aren't together and straight up rich considering she treats me like a villain. where i might be the ah is that i used to do this stuff for her and we are trying to work through things in order to be better parents for the kids. if it would be a dick move to not organise something then i'll probably suck it up in the interest of have as little animosity around the kids as possible.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
our kids are 2 & 3 yo, they live with her and stay with me 1 night a week. we broke up last year over issues regarding trust, manipulation and deception and things are still very icy to say the least. lawyers are involved. it's a hot mess. mother's days coming up and she asked if i could shift my time with kids so she could spend the day with them and i happily agreed. she later made some snarky comment about how i'm probably not going to do anything with kids to make/get a present or do something for her for mother's day. why on earth would i?? my time with them is so short and precious and i work the rest of the week so why would i use up that time to do something that i feel is borderline inappropriate since we aren't together and straight up rich considering she treats me like a villain. where i might be the ah is that i used to do this stuff for her and we are trying to work through things in order to be better parents for the kids. if it would be a dick move to not organise something then i'll probably suck it up in the interest of have as little animosity around the kids as possible. [/INST] info - do the kids have anyone else in their lives that would/could teach them mother’s day traditions? at their age, it’s more about the activity to teach them the yearly tradition than it is the mother receiving a gift. you could easily turn this into a fun group activity where you make a card for your mother while the kids make a card for their mother. makes it a little less focused on your ex and more focused on “hey kids, this is a day every year where we celebrate our moms.” </s>
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AITA for canceling the family trip because my stepson damaged my plants?
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i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting.
i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house.
later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.
| 31,770
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otagcv/aita_for_canceling_the_family_trip_because_my/
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2021-07-28 13:58:52
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nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act.
>my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip
he'll get over it.
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nta, that’s not a prank - that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. at 6, i would have known that was wrong - let alone 16! his actions absolutely should have consequences.
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nta but your step-son is. his mother needs to stop making excuses for him. he is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. you reacted much better than i would have. he has no respect for you or your possessions. you shouldn't apologise and don't go on the trip. stand your ground and teach him the lesson that shitty actions have shitty consequences. at 16 he knows better, he knew what he was doing and thought he'd get away with it as usual. instead of going on the trip, have a family meeting where you set boundaries with both your step-son and his mother.
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nta wtf?! he goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? not only would i take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, i'm not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had.
i don't know how you could even trust him in your house again.
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nta- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you.
what’s next? nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, visine in your coffee? i hope not, but you see where i’m going. he has escalated past playful to harmful intent.
he crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. it’s not negotiable.
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nta and i'm appalled that his mother doesn't have your back.
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nta. your wife is the biggest ah in this whole story.
> said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
this is rich!! she has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing you of abuse??? way to victim blame!
>she thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake.
.
>sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven.
gee, i wonder where he got that idea from?
she is raising a monster that thinks mentally torturing his family is funny. he even throws a tantrum because you refuse to be humilliated online so he gets some likes.
a judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.
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nta - i would normally say the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it's super suspect. he was deliberately seeking to hurt you.
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nta16 isn’t a child really. you maybe be in the us but in the u.k. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have sex, join the army, start driving lessons etc
he isn’t 12. he knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. will he do that to someone he dates too? he doesn’t accept you don’t consent? he needs to learn these concepts and boundaries.
he then gets angry can’t control it and pours bleach on your plants to kill them. he knows they will die.
not only should he not go on holiday he needs to repay you in full value for your plants and materials. this is not over. his mother also needs to know this behaviour is not right and she has a chance whilst he still under her roof to correct the course
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nta.
next time he complains, tell him “it’s just a prank bro” then go without him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it. [/INST] nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip he'll get over it. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my son.
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brief overview: my ex and i had a horrible falling out, she accused me of domestic violence and took my son away from me. i fought tooth and nail to be award joint legal/physical custody. she made the process harder by marrying into money and law enforcement, but in the end i got what i wanted. the problem began when she forced our son to call him “dad”, which i was fine with, but i started not being included in appointments, school events/ emergency contact lists as his father, it was his stepdad. meanwhile, my ex brainwashed our son to think sd is more important than myself because of money. my son is 8 now and he doesn’t care about me and frankly treats me bad.
the problem: part of our agreement is that we get him for respected parent holidays ie mothers/father’s day. on my school day he told me he was working on a father’s day gift for me. he went to his moms for her days and he was returned to me today with no gift. now, it’s not about receiving a gift, but when he saw me i got no happy father’s day, instead i was greeted with a “i forgot to make you a gift”. i asked him what happened i thought you worked on one in school. he replied claiming he made nothing, which was a lie. i confronted about his lie, which he denied twice before admitting he gave it to his dad (sd). again, it’s not about the gift it’s about the lie. this isn’t the first time he’s lied to me and i’ve talked to him about how bad lying is. i’m not going deny, my feelings are hurt, mostly because he feels like he has to lie to me and that he prefers sd to me because of the lies his mom is telling about myself. he’s told me he doesn’t love me/ not suppose to love me because his mom threatens to take her love away from him; and has to love sd or no gifts/vacations.
i’ve given so much for him financially, emotionally and physically. i have given so many opportunities up, and i’ve tried so many different ways to understand his thought process and to be honest and truthful to him, but still nothing back. i’m at that point that i’m no longer happy because he always looks miserable around me and he doesn’t appreciate anything i give him because to him it’s always a comparison (sd/mom got him something better). and as much as it pains me to say, i regret fighting this hard for him. people say it’ll get easier, but it’s not. aita for wanting to give up the fight.
edit/
| 1,810
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1g727/aita_for_not_wanting_my_son/
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2019-06-16 23:01:30
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esh (meaning op and ex-wife, not the kid)
he's a child whos being manipulated, if you give up on him now do not think you can crawl back once he's old enough to understand because by then you will be the guy that walked away. then again, if the accusations of his mother are true then he's probably better off without you.
but if they are not and you really want to be a good father, hell, a good person, then you should never give up on your kid.
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esh - this poor child is trapped between two parents using him as a pawn.
your son is an innocent victim trying to make sense of this confusing situation. all's you can do is continue to show up for him. eventually, your son will be able to make up his own mind regarding his parents and usually doesn't fair well for the one manipulating him.
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esh, your ex is shitty for parental alienation, you’re shitty if you use that as an excuse to give up on your kid. he’s 8, he needs an advocate. if you’re aware of her alienation, *you* need to bring that up with friend of the court/family court. most judges will not take kindly to it and will grant the alienated parent more custody because of it.
sorry you chose someone shitty to have a kid with, but don’t take it out on him for being a manipulated 8 year old.
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nta (with your ex and her husband being ta).
your son is also nta.
it’s not your responsibility to hide your feelings. i hate to say it, but you can only go through so much. any human can only go through so much. you are allowed to feel how you feel.
that being said, don’t give up on him. he’s young but he already sees the manipulation happening. wait until he is in his teens. wait until he can start making his own decisions. he will start to understand what’s happening, and then he will be more willing to disobey her. right now he is fearing for his safety because he thinks she will hurt him. but he wanted to make you that gift and was essentially threatened into giving it to his sd instead.
he will understand one day.
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okay, so you know he's not happy/feels very guilty he was pressured to give the father's day gift to sd, because he panicked and greeted you with "i forgot..". if the kid hated you he would have simply made a statement about preferring sd and not tried to hide that anything had happened.
he's a manipulated kid caught in an un-win-able situation. he's nta.
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he's a little kid, you're his dad so be his dad. he's got two dads and it's a hard thing for him to deal with.
ignore all the name-calling in the background and be cool and calm when he's with you. let him have fun when he's with you so he looks forward to his visits.
nta, though, because parenting is tough, sometimes it's tougher for the absentee dad, but you can do this.
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i am going with ywbta if you give up on him. he is a child and one who is being lied to and manipulated. give him the one thing that he absolutely isn't getting at his other house. unconditional love. i am not saying take the abuse his mother is shoveling your direction through him but by letting him know you will be there for him no matter what. tell him that it hurts your feelings that he feels the need to lie but also be understanding that he may be lying to try to spare your feelings. could his mother have forced him to give his gift to his stepdad? ask him about his decision to give the gift he was intending for you to his stepdad and above all be understanding. let him know that you would rather hear the truth even if it hurts your feelings a bit than have him feel like he has to lie. something i say to my kids all the time is that if the lie they will have a consequence but if they tell me the truth i will happily work with them to find a solution to the problem.
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nta (if this is the whole story) - solely because you're in a bad place mentally. if you actually did, then you'd be an asshole. this isn't the kid's fault. he has been brainwashed over and over by him mom and stepdad. i would maybe try therapy for you and son, or maybe just for son or just for you. otherwise, stay with him and let him know you're there. when he's older, he will realize that you have *always* been there for him, that you did your best and that his mother was the real asshole. if you leave now he is going to believe everything that his mother has ever told him and you may come to regret the situation. once you give up you don't get to go back.
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yea, parenting is hard. the post is more about wanting to not going through with it. sometimes i feel like he’ll have a better life if i wasn’t in it.
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i read a lot about how you feel but nothing about what this is doing to your kid. seems like he might be better off without someone that isn't primarily concerned with his needs as a child.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.545815
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: brief overview: my ex and i had a horrible falling out, she accused me of domestic violence and took my son away from me. i fought tooth and nail to be award joint legal/physical custody. she made the process harder by marrying into money and law enforcement, but in the end i got what i wanted. the problem began when she forced our son to call him “dad”, which i was fine with, but i started not being included in appointments, school events/ emergency contact lists as his father, it was his stepdad. meanwhile, my ex brainwashed our son to think sd is more important than myself because of money. my son is 8 now and he doesn’t care about me and frankly treats me bad. the problem: part of our agreement is that we get him for respected parent holidays ie mothers/father’s day. on my school day he told me he was working on a father’s day gift for me. he went to his moms for her days and he was returned to me today with no gift. now, it’s not about receiving a gift, but when he saw me i got no happy father’s day, instead i was greeted with a “i forgot to make you a gift”. i asked him what happened i thought you worked on one in school. he replied claiming he made nothing, which was a lie. i confronted about his lie, which he denied twice before admitting he gave it to his dad (sd). again, it’s not about the gift it’s about the lie. this isn’t the first time he’s lied to me and i’ve talked to him about how bad lying is. i’m not going deny, my feelings are hurt, mostly because he feels like he has to lie to me and that he prefers sd to me because of the lies his mom is telling about myself. he’s told me he doesn’t love me/ not suppose to love me because his mom threatens to take her love away from him; and has to love sd or no gifts/vacations. i’ve given so much for him financially, emotionally and physically. i have given so many opportunities up, and i’ve tried so many different ways to understand his thought process and to be honest and truthful to him, but still nothing back. i’m at that point that i’m no longer happy because he always looks miserable around me and he doesn’t appreciate anything i give him because to him it’s always a comparison (sd/mom got him something better). and as much as it pains me to say, i regret fighting this hard for him. people say it’ll get easier, but it’s not. aita for wanting to give up the fight. edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
brief overview: my ex and i had a horrible falling out, she accused me of domestic violence and took my son away from me. i fought tooth and nail to be award joint legal/physical custody. she made the process harder by marrying into money and law enforcement, but in the end i got what i wanted. the problem began when she forced our son to call him “dad”, which i was fine with, but i started not being included in appointments, school events/ emergency contact lists as his father, it was his stepdad. meanwhile, my ex brainwashed our son to think sd is more important than myself because of money. my son is 8 now and he doesn’t care about me and frankly treats me bad. the problem: part of our agreement is that we get him for respected parent holidays ie mothers/father’s day. on my school day he told me he was working on a father’s day gift for me. he went to his moms for her days and he was returned to me today with no gift. now, it’s not about receiving a gift, but when he saw me i got no happy father’s day, instead i was greeted with a “i forgot to make you a gift”. i asked him what happened i thought you worked on one in school. he replied claiming he made nothing, which was a lie. i confronted about his lie, which he denied twice before admitting he gave it to his dad (sd). again, it’s not about the gift it’s about the lie. this isn’t the first time he’s lied to me and i’ve talked to him about how bad lying is. i’m not going deny, my feelings are hurt, mostly because he feels like he has to lie to me and that he prefers sd to me because of the lies his mom is telling about myself. he’s told me he doesn’t love me/ not suppose to love me because his mom threatens to take her love away from him; and has to love sd or no gifts/vacations. i’ve given so much for him financially, emotionally and physically. i have given so many opportunities up, and i’ve tried so many different ways to understand his thought process and to be honest and truthful to him, but still nothing back. i’m at that point that i’m no longer happy because he always looks miserable around me and he doesn’t appreciate anything i give him because to him it’s always a comparison (sd/mom got him something better). and as much as it pains me to say, i regret fighting this hard for him. people say it’ll get easier, but it’s not. aita for wanting to give up the fight. edit/ [/INST] esh (meaning op and ex-wife, not the kid) he's a child whos being manipulated, if you give up on him now do not think you can crawl back once he's old enough to understand because by then you will be the guy that walked away. then again, if the accusations of his mother are true then he's probably better off without you. but if they are not and you really want to be a good father, hell, a good person, then you should never give up on your kid. </s>
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AITA for telling the family that adopted my dog that they had no permission to rename him?
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i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me.
ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing.
this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right.
so aita?
| 12,190
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s5d1mj/aita_for_telling_the_family_that_adopted_my_dog/
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2022-01-16 14:31:41
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yta. rudy is their dog now.
you gave up any rights and control over *their* dog when you gave him up.
you may have just jeopardised any chance of having future contact with them regarding him, and i wouldn't blame them.
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yta. they don't need "permission" from you about anything to do with the dog that is their dog now. and then you flipping out and getting aggressive with them? and accusing your fiancee of taking sides with strangers? i don't know how you typed all that without realizing how irrational it sounds.
and renaming a dog is not "mistreating" the dog, get a grip.
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yta. leave these poor people the hell alone.
good grief.
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you *went to their home* after already berating them on the phone and social media? are you fucking serious dude? that’s insane. you sound like a crazy person. i’d be terrified of you if i were that family.
yta
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rudy is not your dog. once you put it up for adoption the owners have all rights to him and can change his name if he pleases.
yta and you know it
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[deleted]
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i can see why it might upset you but you are going about this all wrong which unfortunately makes yta here
they have adopted the dog so they are right it is theirs now they may extend you the curtosy in some regards but it's perfectly within their right to rename willy if they want to
to berate them about it on social media and to even go as far as going their place to argue over it is way over the top and honestly you are putting yourself in a potentially legally challenging position
i understand with stuff like it's hard to not get emotional over a close family pet no ones going to a call you out for that but as they've said they have adopted him now and hold the right to change his name if they so wish no matter how much an emotional connection you have
i'm not too clear why you are under the impression they can't do this legally
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yta. as soon as he got rehomed, he became their dog. they can rename him if they like. you had no right to lose it on them, he is no longer your dog.
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yta. you've rehomed the dog and he's therefore not your dog anymore. he may always be willy to you, but he's not yours anymore and the new family has a right to change his name if they want to. they're actually being really kind allowing you to still be in touch and involved with the dog as they really don't have any obligation to be.
be grateful you still get to have interaction with him and get over the ego trip.
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yta - they are not “mistreating my dog” because it isn’t your dog anymore. you gave him up, live with that and move on. leave these poor people alone.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing. this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing. this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right. so aita? [/INST] yta. rudy is their dog now. you gave up any rights and control over *their* dog when you gave him up. you may have just jeopardised any chance of having future contact with them regarding him, and i wouldn't blame them. </s>
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AITA for not telling my parents how to read my diary?
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i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use)
well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.
| 29,465
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjwxmn/aita_for_not_telling_my_parents_how_to_read_my/
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2020-07-02 13:24:08
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nta.
parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents.
full stop.
reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them.
they are wrong, and there is no other side to this.
source:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts
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nta
damn you got a bright future if you can code a diary at 15. don’t let your parents drag you down with their need for “no secrets” from their kid, nor in future relationships. you keep doing you op!!
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nta. your parents are being instrusive. you have a right to privacy do not give into them.
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nta-that is an extreme invasion of your privacy. just because you are under their roof does not mean you aren't entitled to your privacy. they should respect you and your privacy.
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nta. memorize and burn the cypher.
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nta. a diary is a private thing and should be accessed only by the owner and potentially people to whom they grant permission to read it.
if you don't feel comfortable with your parents reading your diary, you have every right to keep the code a secret.
perhaps you should not have told them to fuck off, because they are your parents after all but it's the only thing i'm on the fence about.
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nta- i wish i had thought of that when i was your age. my dad and grandma read mine and blacked out all the things they didn't like with black sharpie. like a redacted legal document.
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nta - even as a minor you have the right to some privacy. i think it’s cool how you coded it 😂.
but do not not tell your parents to “fuck off” even if you are right.
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nta there’s an online app called cryptee which i recommend you look into so that you can write freely without fear of someone finding it. i’m sorry your parents don’t have boundaries!
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nta. your parents apparently don't understand the concept of privacy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks. [/INST] nta. parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents. full stop. reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them. they are wrong, and there is no other side to this. source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts </s>
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AITA for sending out "Bad Day Alerts" to my family whenever my wife is having a bad day?
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i'm a father of 3 boys from ages 12 to 17 and a husband of one woman. my wife is an amazing woman with very few flaws. one of these again few flaws is her anger. when she's not happy, she has a habit of kinda making everyone else's days worse. for example, if she has a bad day at work, i know it's likely that i'll get fussed at for something she usually doesn't care about. for my boys, i know it's rough as they really don't want to argue with their mother. on previous bad days, my wife has went off and overboard on our kids for small things such leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a paper plate out.
to combat this, i made a group chat with all the boys that we call, "bad day alert". the way it works is that if one of us notices that my wife is not exactly having a good day and will make it our problem, we will simply text "bad day" into the chat so the others can prepare. we also use it for just quick guy talk but its main purpose is to warn in case of a bad day. when we get a bad day alert, we do what we can to ensure that no one gets in trouble. it also gives me time to prepare to cook or pick up a dinner she really loves and take care of any chores that are typically hers. that way she's able to come home and just decompress from the bad day without lashing out at any of us.
my wife prior to recently was not aware of it. she did however find out. my sister-in-law recently moved in temporarily and my wife had a bad day. my oldest son notified the rest of us. our youngest son thought it would be smart to notify his aunt (he was right to do so, i just hadn't thought about her) she questioned him about everything, and he spilled the beans. my sister-in-law told my wife and now she's mad at me. she says it's wrong of me to do that because i'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child. i protested that it was beneficial for all of us but she refused to hear it.
i really think i was doing a good thing for all by starting this.
aita?
| 5,141
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vxkqk5/aita_for_sending_out_bad_day_alerts_to_my_family/
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2022-07-12 20:26:39
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esh
yeah, this is really messed up. your wife's temper so bad you need specific coping strategies and instead of protecting your kids, you're teaching them this is normal. this should be a wakeup call for you and your wife. do it for your kids, if nothing else.
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>she says it's wrong of me to do that because i'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child.
well if she stopped acting like an angry child throwing tantrums you could stop treating her like one...
seriously, her husband and sons are *scared* enough of her that they need to *warn* each other when she's in a bad mood. does she not see how messed up that is? actually, do *you*?
stop coddling her when she blows up at you. you do not need to be all sweet and cater to her needs when she's unjustly snapping at you.
please do not encourage your kids to do it, either. i can't imagine them having to walk on eggshells around their own mother because she can't handle her own frustration. encourage her to seek anger management methods if you can. nta.
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depends.... it sounds like one of two things. either your wife has severe anger issues and is borderline abusive and this is your coping mechanism (nta) or you are acting like your wife having emotions is irrational and hostile (yta) either way i recommend therapy
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esh at least the grownups. kids shouldn’t be party to managing their parent’s moods and nastiness. you are the adult—protect your children. how about telling your wife that she goes through anger management therapy because you’re done tip toeing around her and letting her rage at your kids with impunity?
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esh
like some have pointed out. it is not healthy what your wife is doing and it is verry bad that you are teaching your sons that this is the way to deal with it.
you are creating "boat steadiers". your wife has an issue and instead of showing them that this is her problem and that treating people like that is unaccaptable, you set the standard that everybody except mom is accountable.
i do not know how to post links, but just google: don't rock the boat reddit. it will open your eyes.
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info: what are the "chores that are typically hers" that you expect her to do after a full day of work? how often do you actually help out with them? seems like you might be downplaying your own role in this dysfunctional family.
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info how often do these bad days come around? if it's very rare then i don't see anything wrong with this. we all have bad days and it's nice that her family notices and tries to make it better. but if it's like a few times a week then it's time to have a serious talk with the wife about her emotional control.
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wow okay.
you need to go to therapy. both of you together. work on her temper and coping strategies and talk with the therapist about how you can help her.
nta
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info: are the things you are being fussed at really things she usually doesn't care about? or are you always doing things that annoy your wife, but she usually just doesn't call you out on them every time? also, how frequently are your kids leaving the toilet seat up, paper plates out, or other things that they know they should not be doing that it occurs everytime your wife is having a bad day. are they frequently doing them on days when your wife isn't having a bad day, too? and do you ever do any of the parenting to correct them when they do these things or just always leave it to your wife?
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the issue isn't that you send out 'bad anger day' texts. the issue is that, not only are you enabling your wife's bad behavior, you've drafted your children to manage the moods of an adult. this isn't their problem or their job. you're asking children to deal with an adult problem and you're raising them in an unstable environment that is controlled by their mother's volatile moods. none of this is healthy or fair to them. esh
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
| 0.505845
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a father of 3 boys from ages 12 to 17 and a husband of one woman. my wife is an amazing woman with very few flaws. one of these again few flaws is her anger. when she's not happy, she has a habit of kinda making everyone else's days worse. for example, if she has a bad day at work, i know it's likely that i'll get fussed at for something she usually doesn't care about. for my boys, i know it's rough as they really don't want to argue with their mother. on previous bad days, my wife has went off and overboard on our kids for small things such leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a paper plate out. to combat this, i made a group chat with all the boys that we call, "bad day alert". the way it works is that if one of us notices that my wife is not exactly having a good day and will make it our problem, we will simply text "bad day" into the chat so the others can prepare. we also use it for just quick guy talk but its main purpose is to warn in case of a bad day. when we get a bad day alert, we do what we can to ensure that no one gets in trouble. it also gives me time to prepare to cook or pick up a dinner she really loves and take care of any chores that are typically hers. that way she's able to come home and just decompress from the bad day without lashing out at any of us. my wife prior to recently was not aware of it. she did however find out. my sister-in-law recently moved in temporarily and my wife had a bad day. my oldest son notified the rest of us. our youngest son thought it would be smart to notify his aunt (he was right to do so, i just hadn't thought about her) she questioned him about everything, and he spilled the beans. my sister-in-law told my wife and now she's mad at me. she says it's wrong of me to do that because i'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child. i protested that it was beneficial for all of us but she refused to hear it. i really think i was doing a good thing for all by starting this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a father of 3 boys from ages 12 to 17 and a husband of one woman. my wife is an amazing woman with very few flaws. one of these again few flaws is her anger. when she's not happy, she has a habit of kinda making everyone else's days worse. for example, if she has a bad day at work, i know it's likely that i'll get fussed at for something she usually doesn't care about. for my boys, i know it's rough as they really don't want to argue with their mother. on previous bad days, my wife has went off and overboard on our kids for small things such leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a paper plate out. to combat this, i made a group chat with all the boys that we call, "bad day alert". the way it works is that if one of us notices that my wife is not exactly having a good day and will make it our problem, we will simply text "bad day" into the chat so the others can prepare. we also use it for just quick guy talk but its main purpose is to warn in case of a bad day. when we get a bad day alert, we do what we can to ensure that no one gets in trouble. it also gives me time to prepare to cook or pick up a dinner she really loves and take care of any chores that are typically hers. that way she's able to come home and just decompress from the bad day without lashing out at any of us. my wife prior to recently was not aware of it. she did however find out. my sister-in-law recently moved in temporarily and my wife had a bad day. my oldest son notified the rest of us. our youngest son thought it would be smart to notify his aunt (he was right to do so, i just hadn't thought about her) she questioned him about everything, and he spilled the beans. my sister-in-law told my wife and now she's mad at me. she says it's wrong of me to do that because i'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child. i protested that it was beneficial for all of us but she refused to hear it. i really think i was doing a good thing for all by starting this. aita? [/INST] esh yeah, this is really messed up. your wife's temper so bad you need specific coping strategies and instead of protecting your kids, you're teaching them this is normal. this should be a wakeup call for you and your wife. do it for your kids, if nothing else. </s>
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AITA for not letting her boyfriend sleepover
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on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit.
my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us.
so aita?
| 7,981
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybdcg4/aita_for_not_letting_her_boyfriend_sleepover/
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2022-10-23 09:37:24
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yta. while yes your house your rules, rules should also be reasonable. yours are not. we have 2022 not 1822. face reality. they already do the horizontal tango and probably have for some years.
in my opinion the only reason why that should make really you uncomfortable is if your walls were paper thin.
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just let her move out. you have boundaries, she no longer wants to live by those boundaries so has suggested (not threatened) to move in with him. it seems like she was trying to compromise, and has clearly been following these rules for the past 3 years. you want her to live with you, and (it seems) want to see more of her. she is offering you the chance to change the house rules to keep her living there, and to have her stay more often. you have the right to say no to that deal, but you cannot be mad when she chooses to move out because of it. you don't want her to compromise, you want her to follow your rules and stay. a compromise involves each side making concessions, what concessions have you proposed?
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yta.
and from my perspective you can only choose between treating her like an adult or suffer the consequence of her moving in with him.
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yta why are you so interested in your adult child's sex life?
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yta. you say you really want her living at your house but your actions will make her move out with him and potentially distance herself emotionally from you. so it depends what you want more.
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yta
&#x200b;
so she will move in with him, and you will not see her much any more.
&#x200b;
"we have a pretty good relationship " .. no, you don't.
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yta. you cant preach how much you want her to live with yall, then lay down a rule that you know makes her not want to live there.
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i was your daughter. my dad would never let boyfriends sleep over even after we lived together for years. guess whose house i barely visited and grew apart from as i got older? my parents. i loved them but if i can’t be comfortable and welcomed into your home in an adult relationship then i’m not going to visit very often. i eventually married my now husband but it was already too late. we didn’t feel comfortable at my parents’ house. i’m not saying your daughter is going to stop talking to you or even stop loving you but these are the things that slowly creep into the relationship with her that let her know that you don’t respect her as an adult and make her distance herself. the fact that you’re so preoccupied with her sex life makes her feel gross too, you know.
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nta/yta : it's your house so what goes on in it is up to you. however it's troubling that you say "we let her do what she wants". she's an adult and entitled to make her decisions with what she does with her life. you don't have to answer to anyone regarding what decisions you make about who comes in and out of your home, but it sounds like you need to accept that you don't have the right to control your daughters life choices.
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info: why won't you answer anyone specifically asking you why you have this rule/dislike? and "we dont agree with it" is not a valid reason and doesn't explain why.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.097871
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit. my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit. my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us. so aita? [/INST] yta. while yes your house your rules, rules should also be reasonable. yours are not. we have 2022 not 1822. face reality. they already do the horizontal tango and probably have for some years. in my opinion the only reason why that should make really you uncomfortable is if your walls were paper thin. </s>
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AITA for not telling people my missing cousin is staying with me right away?
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it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family.
to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go.
jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly.
he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him.
i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him.
my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready.
still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him.
aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?
| 23,669
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kazgfw/aita_for_not_telling_people_my_missing_cousin_is/
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2020-12-11 09:12:43
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nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you.
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nta. fuck those people. fuck homophobes that think being gay is something that needs to be cured in the first place. fuck people that think parents have any right to do that to their kids.
good on you for protecting him.
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you need to call the police since the camp people are trying to kidnap him. they know he doesn't want to go but keep showing up. he needs a restraining order on these people. this is very sinister.
if the camp people show up again, call the police. take pictures, document everything. ask jake to write down every time they've come to get him and if there's other witnesses.
you're nta, in fact you're a saint to protect jake from his clearly dangerous family and even took him to a lawyer. jake didn't and doesn't feel safe because he clearly isn't. there's a cultish organisation following him and trying to kidnap him.
jake clearly can't trust the rest of the family, so please keep supporting him until he gets on his feet.
&#x200b;
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nta, if those camp people show back up tell them they'll be charged with trespassing if you ever see their asses on your property again.
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nta he is a legal adult (although as someone who remembers being 18, that's far from mature lol). it's good that you provide him the emotional support he needs, and he'll probably need a good therapist or support group to help him work through the treatment he's getting from the rest of the family. poor kid.
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not the asshole, nta - dear lord his parents are terrible people and they will be in my prayers, i hope they find love through christ eventually, instead of just using him to reenforce their bigotry, but usually at that point they're too far gone, and they're gonna burn for their prejudice... but i digress
if he didn't want you to, you could have never ever told his parents for the rest of his life and you would never have been the asshole, jesus christ crying in a bucket, i'm sorry you're in the middle of this but protecting him is 100% the right thing to do and i applaud your for it.
those camps literally are psychological and physical abuse rolled up in a nice little religious package and i can't believe anyone would tell you your the asshole for not letting a whole ass adult be sent to a brain washing facility, he's 18 so he needs to leave a note with you that if he does end up there he went unwillingly and was in fact kidnaped please go get him, just in fucking case - in a million years i don't think you ever could be the ass hole
i'm gonna sound like an internet creeper but if he runs out of safe places and keeps being harassed my husband(27m) and my (31m) home in kansas is always open to protect those in need (and not to sound like trash but i have and will again if need be, straight up trailer park fight people in my front yard over this shit)
sorry, but conversion therapy is a hot button issue for me
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nta
what you did for your cousin just shows how much of a good character you and your wife are! going above and beyond to not only respect his wishes you also sought legal help to protect him and inform him!
if you were apart of my family i think i would know who my favourites would be!
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nta - you were protecting your cousin. it's very sad that it's his family you had to protect him from.
it's incomprehensible to me that anyone could try to put someone they are supposed to love through conversion therapy. i don't even think it's legal in some states.
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my gosh nta. conversion camps should be illegal. you are doing the right thing op, don't worry.
kinda glad here in australia that they are in the process of naming them illegal or already have.
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he's 18. they are not entitled to know where he is.
also, they want to send him to """""camp""""" to be tortured, so again, they are not entitled to know where he is.
nta. they can go pound sand.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready? [/INST] nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you. </s>
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AITA for not letting my sisters service dog at my wedding?
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my(31f) sister(28f) is disabled. she has seizures and other issues, and is still living with my parents.
when i was 17, and she was 14, my parents got her a service dog. i hadn't really been around dogs very much before that, as where we live most people that have dogs have working dogs, for hunting, herding, livestock, etc, that stay outside . the dog they got her , i believe, was a lab.
when they got this dog, i found out that i had awful allergies. i could not be around this dog or my nose and throat would just be scratchy. my parents got me medicine for it, but if i forgot to take it it would be awful, sometimes so bad i would struggle to breathe, and the medicine isn't perfect and doesn't really completely work.
i asked them to get rid of the dog. they where shocked and really upset at me for even suggesting this, and of course refused. so for the last year i lived with them i spent as little time at their house as possible.
anyway, she has a new dog now, but it's of the same kind and i have the same allergies to it.
my wedding is coming up, and i invited them, however i made it clear to my parents that invitation was not extended to the dog. the wedding is inside, and i want to be able to breathe without taking medicine.
they were really unhappy at this, my mother especially. she said my sisters seizures have been bad lately and by making my sister go somewhere without the dog i could kill her. she said if the dog couldn't come neither she nor my sister would be going.
i was upset at this, especially since it's just for a day and people will be around if she has issues. my mother still insisted the dog go and said my sister would not be able to function without the dog.
she still is asking constantly if i've changed my mind, and is saying i'm being unreasonable and could just take medicine and be fine.
aita for not letting the dog go?
| 2,636
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qanu7m/aita_for_not_letting_my_sisters_service_dog_at_my/
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2021-10-18 14:31:13
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nah
if your medicine truly does not work then its reasonable to not want to be snotty and sneezing like mad on your wedding day (now if it does work and you just dont like it you move right to ah territory). but on the flip side of it you can not be upset at your sister for not coming if her seizures have been escalating , not having her dog to alert her can be extremely dangerous. you will be leaning more to the ah side if you keep being mad at her for being unable to attend without her service dog. how far away is the wedding, are there other allergy medicines or shots you can look into before then ?
&#x200b;
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going against most here saying nah
normally everyone on here is “it’s your day, you decide”, suddenly that doesn’t count anymore?
severe allergies are a b*tch and no one wants to have breathing problems, a runny nose and swollen eyes on their wedding day!
and no in a lot of cases meds don’t help completely or not much at all.
at the same time i understand stand why they don’t want to leave the dog at home but it’s as much a health issue for you as it is for your sister.
what i actually don’t understand at all is why they didn’t get another breed when they got a new dog - that is exactly the reason why labradoodles etc are being bred.
did they ever consider your allergies?
also if your sister’s health is so bad, can she even participate for the whole day?
does the dog only indicate if a seizure is imminent or does it have other jobs too if she can’t function without it?
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> i was upset at this, especially since it's just for a day and people will be around if she has issues.
it sounds like you haven't taken the time to really learn or understand the scope of what the dog does for your sister. this is not really how it works.
you should consider calling up your sister and learning about what the dog does for her regarding her seizures.
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nah, because it’s your day and you should not be subjected to an allergic reaction. however, this would mean that your sister can’t come since she needs the dog. you would be the ahole if you pressure her into coming without the dog. you both have a right to prioritize your medical needs and that likely is not compatible with her attending your wedding.
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nah
your sister can't live without this dog..
you have a severe allergy to her dog... your medication doesn't work perfectly, you sometime struggle to breathe, and a wedding is a long stressful day.
both of you have medical needs here; it's unfortunate but maybe sis can join by video or be be allowed to broadcast a speech.
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i’m really surprised by the number of yta posts here, as i remember a similar story where reddit unanimously decided the op was not the asshole.
i’m going with nah. look, your sister says she needs the dog then she needs the dog. that’s not up for argument. but it’s also your wedding day, and you are fully entitled to a comfortable, happy, non-drowsy day. personally, allergy drugs make me feel high. mix them with alcohol? holy shit, terrible combination.
it’s like the rest of commenters don’t seem to realize you absolutely will not be able to drink. and you acknowledge that the meds don’t even really work? so red eyes, runny nose, itchy etc all throughout your wedding day.
really, i think you got the yta comments because you come off in your writing as angry and abit entitled that you should get your way. just my take.
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yta. speaking as a service dog handler, if you didn't want your sister's sd there because you don't like dogs or something, that's a huge dick move, but if you *legitimately have severe allergies that medication truly doesn't help*, then it's your choice to not allow the dog and i don't think you're necessarily an asshole for that. it is your wedding day and your comfort is important and if you're going to be at risk of a dangerous allergic reaction or completely unable to enjoy the day just by the dog being in the vicinity of you, then i understand not allowing it there.
the reason i think yta in this situation is because of how you're handling it and what you're expecting from other people. if you're not going to allow your sister's seizure alert dog then you need to accept that you're not just not allowing the dog--you're not allowing your sister to attend your wedding. that's the choice you're making and you need to accept that if it's what you're choosing. acting like you're not choosing to exclude your sister is childish and is making the situation even more hurtful to your sister and her loved ones.
like i said, i understand wanting to be comfortable on your wedding day, but this is a very delicate situation. you have to approach it with the full awareness that you're prioritizing your comfort over your sister attending and therefore manage your relationships with your family with extreme sensitivity and with the reality of your choice in mind. your family has a right to be upset over you making that choice and yta for thinking that's an unreasonable reaction from them.
it's an asshole move to expect everyone to just be fine with it and it's an even bigger asshole move to expect your sister to still attend your wedding. you're expecting your sister to *put her life in danger* so that you can be *comfortable*. you need to realize that by banning her dog, you're banning her, and it is so wildly out-of-touch, hurtful, and selfish for you to expect her to still attend. i'm sorry, but no one is special enough for it to be reasonable to risk your life to watch them get married. your sister's life and safety is a lot more important than her attending your special day and for you to not think it is...that's mindblowing to me.
it honestly sounds like there are a dozen ways this situation could be compromised on to make everyone relatively happy, but if you aren't willing to do that, you need to at the very least sit down and have an honest discussion with your sister and mother where you apologize for how you've behaved. accept that people have a right to be angry about this and that they may side with your sister instead of you and not attend the wedding. you're in a tough spot and i really do sympathize with you for that, but life is full of tough decisions and your decision is not going to be without consequences either way. it's how you handle the choice you make that determines whether or not you're the asshole in the situation.
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nah. as an allergy sufferer myself, i completely understand that choosing between having an allergic reaction bc your meds don’t work well enough or experiencing bad side effects from the drugs that do work is like choosing between a hard and a hard place. and that’s on any given day. let along your wedding day.
however, your sister clearly needs this service dog. like clearly. i don’t think i should have to go any further into this point.
so i don’t think either of you are the ah. but unfortunately, choices and decisions (even if they’re morally correct) have consequences. you can choose to not allow her service dog (and not be the ah for it) but have the consequence of your sister not being at your wedding. she can choose to not attend your wedding without her service dog (and not be the ah for it) and still have the consequence of not being able to attend her sister’s wedding.
this whole situation is just truly unfortunate and a testament to the sick coincidences within genetics.
and tbh, people who are saying y-t-a for not just putting up with your allergies or being drowsy on your wedding day either have never experience allergic reactions (which, btw, can in fact progress and worsen. ie if you haven’t experienced this reaction in a while, it’s entirely possible to find out on your wedding day that your reaction now includes hives, swollen eyelids, patchy red skin, etc) or have never taken benadryl a day in their life and don’t realize exactly how drowsy it can make you.
|
nta
you said it yourself, the medicine isn’t perfect. allergy medicine just relieves symptoms, it doesn’t magically cure allergies. (even though we’ll all wish it could).
you don’t have to invite the service dog and by extension your sister might not come. it sucks but it it might happen.
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sudden uptake of posts about people with allergies who can't be around service dogs seems pretty sus.
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.464974
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(31f) sister(28f) is disabled. she has seizures and other issues, and is still living with my parents. when i was 17, and she was 14, my parents got her a service dog. i hadn't really been around dogs very much before that, as where we live most people that have dogs have working dogs, for hunting, herding, livestock, etc, that stay outside . the dog they got her , i believe, was a lab. when they got this dog, i found out that i had awful allergies. i could not be around this dog or my nose and throat would just be scratchy. my parents got me medicine for it, but if i forgot to take it it would be awful, sometimes so bad i would struggle to breathe, and the medicine isn't perfect and doesn't really completely work. i asked them to get rid of the dog. they where shocked and really upset at me for even suggesting this, and of course refused. so for the last year i lived with them i spent as little time at their house as possible. anyway, she has a new dog now, but it's of the same kind and i have the same allergies to it. my wedding is coming up, and i invited them, however i made it clear to my parents that invitation was not extended to the dog. the wedding is inside, and i want to be able to breathe without taking medicine. they were really unhappy at this, my mother especially. she said my sisters seizures have been bad lately and by making my sister go somewhere without the dog i could kill her. she said if the dog couldn't come neither she nor my sister would be going. i was upset at this, especially since it's just for a day and people will be around if she has issues. my mother still insisted the dog go and said my sister would not be able to function without the dog. she still is asking constantly if i've changed my mind, and is saying i'm being unreasonable and could just take medicine and be fine. aita for not letting the dog go?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(31f) sister(28f) is disabled. she has seizures and other issues, and is still living with my parents. when i was 17, and she was 14, my parents got her a service dog. i hadn't really been around dogs very much before that, as where we live most people that have dogs have working dogs, for hunting, herding, livestock, etc, that stay outside . the dog they got her , i believe, was a lab. when they got this dog, i found out that i had awful allergies. i could not be around this dog or my nose and throat would just be scratchy. my parents got me medicine for it, but if i forgot to take it it would be awful, sometimes so bad i would struggle to breathe, and the medicine isn't perfect and doesn't really completely work. i asked them to get rid of the dog. they where shocked and really upset at me for even suggesting this, and of course refused. so for the last year i lived with them i spent as little time at their house as possible. anyway, she has a new dog now, but it's of the same kind and i have the same allergies to it. my wedding is coming up, and i invited them, however i made it clear to my parents that invitation was not extended to the dog. the wedding is inside, and i want to be able to breathe without taking medicine. they were really unhappy at this, my mother especially. she said my sisters seizures have been bad lately and by making my sister go somewhere without the dog i could kill her. she said if the dog couldn't come neither she nor my sister would be going. i was upset at this, especially since it's just for a day and people will be around if she has issues. my mother still insisted the dog go and said my sister would not be able to function without the dog. she still is asking constantly if i've changed my mind, and is saying i'm being unreasonable and could just take medicine and be fine. aita for not letting the dog go? [/INST] nah if your medicine truly does not work then its reasonable to not want to be snotty and sneezing like mad on your wedding day (now if it does work and you just dont like it you move right to ah territory). but on the flip side of it you can not be upset at your sister for not coming if her seizures have been escalating , not having her dog to alert her can be extremely dangerous. you will be leaning more to the ah side if you keep being mad at her for being unable to attend without her service dog. how far away is the wedding, are there other allergy medicines or shots you can look into before then ? &#x200b; </s>
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AITA for joking about my genetic disorder?
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i have a rare genetic disorder that causes my body to produce almost no testosterone. it means that without taking medications my body wouldn't develop sexually. genitals wouldn't grow, i wouldn't develop any typical male's traits and i wouldn't experience sexual attraction. if the disorder is detected early the puberty can be standard, just a little bit late. my wasn't.
it is pretty obvious that my parents fucked up. i told them that i was concerned about my puberty a couple times but they said i was a late bloomer. i accepted it and waited patiently. when i was 18 i raised the subject again. i went to the doctor and got diagnosed.
in brief: i am an 18 years old with vestigial genitalia and asexual body makeup, no sexuall attraction and i will likely be infertile. this all could be avoided if my parents took me to the doctor when i was young.
i was very sad when i found out, and so were my parents. i don't blame them (openly) but my mom knows it's their fault and is apologetic about it. she gets very sad whenever this subject comes up. it was very hard for me too, but as i have a cheerfull character i try to turn my sadness into the jokes.the jokes are something like this:
sister: i wonder who will marry first in our family. you are the oldest so you should be first!
me: well but you are not an asexual gnome so i will give you the primacy.
if anyone else told joke like this i would get very angry, but when i make them i'm ok with it. but my mom gets very annoyed whenever i say something like this. she gets upset and asks me not to joke about it.
i don't get it. if i do not mind jokes like this neither should she. i get that their neglect (kind of) ruined my life and she regrets that but she can't just get sad whenever i mention my condition. aita for refusing to stop joking about it?
| 2,766
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clc0a3/aita_for_joking_about_my_genetic_disorder/
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2019-08-03 00:05:41
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nah - you’re allowed to make jokes about yourself. it’s understandable why it might make her uncomfortable though.
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nta it’s how you’re coping. your parents might be sad but...they fucked up big time. they need to learn from this.
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nta. i have autism and i make fun of it all the time. for example i'm 17 however i still wear my "please be patient i have autism hat" it's fun to make some jokes now and then.
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nah.
considering you keep mentioning the fact that it was your parent’s fault, i’m guessing you’re not completely over it. understandably it could have been prevented. i get you subside serious situations and like to make jokes about it but it’s probably just a constant reminder for her, and she feels guilty.
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nta- your mom gets annoyed because she feels guilty and because she knows you blame her and your father, i don't think you should stop making jokes but if you stop being passive-agressive and be honest to your mom you'll probably fill much better
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nah, i'd say you're free to joke about yourself if you choose to do so. however:
> if anyone else told joke like this i would get very angry, but when i make them i'm ok with it.
just want to note that if you joke with someone about it, they may get the impression that it's okay to joke back, so be prepared for that possibility.
just wondering, did you not have any annual check ups or regular doctor visits in your teen years?
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nah you joking about it reminds her of the mistake she made, however, it’s your condition that you should be allowed to talk about in any way you want. joking is a common coping mechanism.
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nah. i'm sorry your mom finds it upsetting. but it is your genetic disorder and you are finding the best way to live with it. if joking makes you feel better and comes naturally then i wouldn't stop. but i would find a nice, gentle way to explain that this is your way of coping and if she's not okay with it because it makes her upset (since it's kind of her fault) then she should find a way to forgive herself.
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nah- i have a rare genetic disorder as (neurofibromatosis type 1) and i joke about it a lot it makes me feel better, however i understand why your mom's upset about it i'm sure she feels guilty about the whole thing
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nta. you should cope with your issue however you see fit.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.022045
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a rare genetic disorder that causes my body to produce almost no testosterone. it means that without taking medications my body wouldn't develop sexually. genitals wouldn't grow, i wouldn't develop any typical male's traits and i wouldn't experience sexual attraction. if the disorder is detected early the puberty can be standard, just a little bit late. my wasn't. it is pretty obvious that my parents fucked up. i told them that i was concerned about my puberty a couple times but they said i was a late bloomer. i accepted it and waited patiently. when i was 18 i raised the subject again. i went to the doctor and got diagnosed. in brief: i am an 18 years old with vestigial genitalia and asexual body makeup, no sexuall attraction and i will likely be infertile. this all could be avoided if my parents took me to the doctor when i was young. i was very sad when i found out, and so were my parents. i don't blame them (openly) but my mom knows it's their fault and is apologetic about it. she gets very sad whenever this subject comes up. it was very hard for me too, but as i have a cheerfull character i try to turn my sadness into the jokes.the jokes are something like this: sister: i wonder who will marry first in our family. you are the oldest so you should be first! me: well but you are not an asexual gnome so i will give you the primacy. if anyone else told joke like this i would get very angry, but when i make them i'm ok with it. but my mom gets very annoyed whenever i say something like this. she gets upset and asks me not to joke about it. i don't get it. if i do not mind jokes like this neither should she. i get that their neglect (kind of) ruined my life and she regrets that but she can't just get sad whenever i mention my condition. aita for refusing to stop joking about it?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a rare genetic disorder that causes my body to produce almost no testosterone. it means that without taking medications my body wouldn't develop sexually. genitals wouldn't grow, i wouldn't develop any typical male's traits and i wouldn't experience sexual attraction. if the disorder is detected early the puberty can be standard, just a little bit late. my wasn't. it is pretty obvious that my parents fucked up. i told them that i was concerned about my puberty a couple times but they said i was a late bloomer. i accepted it and waited patiently. when i was 18 i raised the subject again. i went to the doctor and got diagnosed. in brief: i am an 18 years old with vestigial genitalia and asexual body makeup, no sexuall attraction and i will likely be infertile. this all could be avoided if my parents took me to the doctor when i was young. i was very sad when i found out, and so were my parents. i don't blame them (openly) but my mom knows it's their fault and is apologetic about it. she gets very sad whenever this subject comes up. it was very hard for me too, but as i have a cheerfull character i try to turn my sadness into the jokes.the jokes are something like this: sister: i wonder who will marry first in our family. you are the oldest so you should be first! me: well but you are not an asexual gnome so i will give you the primacy. if anyone else told joke like this i would get very angry, but when i make them i'm ok with it. but my mom gets very annoyed whenever i say something like this. she gets upset and asks me not to joke about it. i don't get it. if i do not mind jokes like this neither should she. i get that their neglect (kind of) ruined my life and she regrets that but she can't just get sad whenever i mention my condition. aita for refusing to stop joking about it? [/INST] nah - you’re allowed to make jokes about yourself. it’s understandable why it might make her uncomfortable though. </s>
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AITA for me(22f)unplugging the internet when my bf(23m) was playing a game.
|
i had cooked dinner for my boyfriend and i had called him several times. he didn't respond so i was like what the hell and went to find him and bring his dinner to him
he was playing call of duty or halo and said he didn't hear me. i was like all right here is your dinner and then i handed it to him and he just looked at it and said i didn't want mac n cheese i said chicken nuggets and fries. i said sorry but if you had listened when i got back you would have heard that the store was all out of nuggets. he then threw the plate with the food on it at a set of drawers. i said seriously what is wrong with you and he just said he was annoyed because i just made him die in the game by distracting him and he was already mad about having mac n cheese i said if that is gonna make you angry you shouldn't be playing while eating.
he just said whatever and carried on playing so i went downstairs and turned the router off while i ate. he came storming down asking what the hell i had done. i said if you can't listen to me you shouldn't be playing games when i am trying to do stuff he said i can't turn the internet off because he pays for it so i said he just wasted food.
he says i should have told him they were out of nuggets and waited for him to be done on the game instead of turning it off. i think he was being unreasonable especially after he threw the plate but his mom and my mom are siding with him. they say i shouldn't have turned the internet off and i am thinking they are completely missing the point. so was i wrong to do that or should i have done something different.
| 3,006
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvei77/aita_for_me22funplugging_the_internet_when_my/
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2021-06-08 21:06:50
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esh.
your son is being pretty immature and volatile, but as his mother you’re responsible for responding calmly and in a mature fashion so that he learns better behaviors.
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nta.
leave. leave now. this is not going to get better. that fact that his mother and your mother are siding with him, shows that he has been raised to believe this is acceptable behaviour.
he is disrespectful and rude. he places his game playing above real life. he has anger issues. he eats like a toddler.
if you stay and end up having children with him, you will be struggling the whole time to get him away from the screen and helping you. you will expose your children to him blowing up at them for interrupting his games.
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**dump him.** he's throwing things, he's screaming, he's tattling on you to mommies, he's immature and he sounds utterly miserable to live with. i get him maybe being snappish for a second, because he was focusing, but *throwing things* is never okay. it's a sign of someone who doesn't have their anger in check and frequently escalates into violence. a very soft esh because you retaliated like that with a service that isn't yours. don't provoke him, just ***dump him.***
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esh. you eat like five year olds, you fight like siblings, and then you run off and tell your respective moms? grow up.
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esh but mostly him. leave this pathetic baby. you do not fuck a person who screams for chicky nuggies and throws plates of mac and cheese, have some self respect.
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toxic as fuck. red flags everywhere. angry cos he doesn’t have his choice of dinner. throws shit around the house. sounds like a toddler. you seem spiteful and controlling. esh. why are you guys even together?
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nta
and honestly i don't get the esh votes.
you made him dinner.
he didn't even have respect to answer your calls for him to come to eat.
he was rude when your brought it to him.
he throw a plate of food.
i wouldn't let a child do this but a adult who is supposed to be my partner?! "i wanted nuggets." what?
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nta. you are not dating this guy, you are babysitting him. he literally throws tantrums.
toxic. leave him.
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nta. you definitely need a new bf...someone who isnt a baby and values being cooked for more than his insta respawning video game.
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he is an ah, 100%.
let him cook his own meals, even if its 1am and he's just realised how hungry he is cos he was so entranced by his game. your not a parent, or a servant.
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.517608
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had cooked dinner for my boyfriend and i had called him several times. he didn't respond so i was like what the hell and went to find him and bring his dinner to him he was playing call of duty or halo and said he didn't hear me. i was like all right here is your dinner and then i handed it to him and he just looked at it and said i didn't want mac n cheese i said chicken nuggets and fries. i said sorry but if you had listened when i got back you would have heard that the store was all out of nuggets. he then threw the plate with the food on it at a set of drawers. i said seriously what is wrong with you and he just said he was annoyed because i just made him die in the game by distracting him and he was already mad about having mac n cheese i said if that is gonna make you angry you shouldn't be playing while eating. he just said whatever and carried on playing so i went downstairs and turned the router off while i ate. he came storming down asking what the hell i had done. i said if you can't listen to me you shouldn't be playing games when i am trying to do stuff he said i can't turn the internet off because he pays for it so i said he just wasted food. he says i should have told him they were out of nuggets and waited for him to be done on the game instead of turning it off. i think he was being unreasonable especially after he threw the plate but his mom and my mom are siding with him. they say i shouldn't have turned the internet off and i am thinking they are completely missing the point. so was i wrong to do that or should i have done something different.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had cooked dinner for my boyfriend and i had called him several times. he didn't respond so i was like what the hell and went to find him and bring his dinner to him he was playing call of duty or halo and said he didn't hear me. i was like all right here is your dinner and then i handed it to him and he just looked at it and said i didn't want mac n cheese i said chicken nuggets and fries. i said sorry but if you had listened when i got back you would have heard that the store was all out of nuggets. he then threw the plate with the food on it at a set of drawers. i said seriously what is wrong with you and he just said he was annoyed because i just made him die in the game by distracting him and he was already mad about having mac n cheese i said if that is gonna make you angry you shouldn't be playing while eating. he just said whatever and carried on playing so i went downstairs and turned the router off while i ate. he came storming down asking what the hell i had done. i said if you can't listen to me you shouldn't be playing games when i am trying to do stuff he said i can't turn the internet off because he pays for it so i said he just wasted food. he says i should have told him they were out of nuggets and waited for him to be done on the game instead of turning it off. i think he was being unreasonable especially after he threw the plate but his mom and my mom are siding with him. they say i shouldn't have turned the internet off and i am thinking they are completely missing the point. so was i wrong to do that or should i have done something different. [/INST] esh. your son is being pretty immature and volatile, but as his mother you’re responsible for responding calmly and in a mature fashion so that he learns better behaviors. </s>
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WIBTA if I don’t let my daughter put a lock on her door?
|
my daughter has recently turned 16 and, for a couple of months now, has been constantly asking for a lock to be put on her door. she says it’s to keep her brother out - who barges into her room every now and then to bother her - but i’m not sure if the benefit is worth having the lock in place.
i don’t like the secrecy of her locking herself in her room and i’m worried she’s trying to hide something from me or that she’ll take the opportunity to lock me out. i admit that i’ve forgotten to knock sometimes but other than that i see no reason as to why she’d need a lock.
the way i see it, it’s my house and i am simply unwilling to have any locks put in anywhere. she’s young, and doesn’t really know what’s she’s asking for.
so, wibta if i don’t let her get the lock installed?
| 20,083
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cj8qg9/wibta_if_i_dont_let_my_daughter_put_a_lock_on_her/
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2019-07-29 09:08:32
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yta, kids need privacy. keep a spare key in case of emergency's (don't use it for grabbing clothes for a wash)
if you are not gonna let her have secrets in her own room she is gonna have them outside where your control is 0.0%
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yta lol. let her fap without having to worry about anyone coming in
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yta and this is a massive part of the reason that i moved out of my parents house as soon as i could. i'm not being crude but your daughter needs her privacy, she could be doing anything in there, or changing clothes, and does not want anyone barging in on her.
especially with a brother who barges in and probably roots through her things. i can assure you she wants that lock not because shes up to no good, but because she needs her space.
there is nothing more mentally depreciating than not being allowed privacy in your own home.
-----‐
**edit** thanks for the silver! i'm overwhelmed with all the comments on this from people who had a really shitty time with privacy growing up. i'm so sorry to hear a lot of your stories and super extreme sounding parents. i dont personally want kids myself, but i always think if i had them i would do so many things differently to how i was raised.
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>doesn't really know what she's asking for
she wants a lock on her door. that is what she is asking for.
yta
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\> i admit that i’ve forgotten to knock sometimes but other than that i see no reason as to why she’d need a lock.
\> she says it’s to keep her brother out - who barges into her room every now and then to bother her
you're a bit dense.
\> she’s young, and doesn’t really know what’s she’s asking for.
and you think your child is an idiot. 16 year olds aren't as stupid as you think.
yta. you aren't legally required to give your daughter that much privacy but you're simply telling her that her privacy isn't important to you. and you think she's an idiot.
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yta
she's 16, old enough for privacy. or would you prefer that her little brother finds her sex toys or that you walk in on her masturbating?
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yta- you admit yourself you don’t knock and her brother goes in too, give her a lock. she might not even use it, but knowing she has the possibility of using it can make all the difference.
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yta.
1. she's a sixteen-year-old girl whose brother is barging in on her. that is a reason. how the hell would you like it if a family member you didn't like - especially a male family member - got to barge in on you at random moments when you might be getting dressed or anything, and you had no right to stop her?
2. not old enough? she's 16! who doesn't understand what a lock is at 16?
3. here's the hardest part... yes, as your children get older they sometimes will have things that they don't want to talk about with you. that's a normal part of growing up and differentiating yourselves from your parents. i was pretty much a model 16-year-old - working at school, well-behaved, wasn't even dating - and i *still* did not want to tell my parents everything about my life, and i certainly wanted my privacy! that is normal!
it sounds as though you're having a very hard time accepting that your daughter is growing up and starting to have parts of her life separate from yours. and that *is* difficult; i'm a parent and i also struggle with it. but, i repeat... this stage is *necessary*.
a good parent will accept it and will work on maintaining a good relationship so that their child will feel comfortable talking to them about stuff going on in their lives. those are the parents whose children are *more* likely to be able to talk to them. some parents are too controlling to handle this stage well; they try to stop their children going through this normal part of growing up. apart from this being a rotten way to treat someone, it also backfires; it means they have children who don't feel safe or comfortable talking to them when there's a problem, and who are more likely to keep secrets and get into trouble.
so, the choice is yours; which type of parent are you going to be?
(books i can recommend: 'parenting without power struggles' by stiffelman, and 'how to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk' by faber and mazlish.)
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yta - my brother use to barge into my room when i was 16 and he was 4ish. i hated it so much, but because he broke the frame, the door only needed to be pushed hard for it to open. the lock was useless. my mom and his dad thought it was hilarious and so did he because he would do it constantly. i hated taking showers at home because he would open and close the door multiple times until i would snap and yell at him. then, of course, i would get into trouble for yelling. it was all very humiliating.
get your kid a lock on her door. don't be an asshole.
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yta if you don't install a lock and don't also consistently enforce privacy rules in your house. i never had a lock on my door, but that's because my parents a) let me keep my door shut, b) always knocked, c) waited until i actually said "come in" or opened the door for them before they walked in, and d) enforced these rules for everyone in the household. if one of my brothers had insisted on barging into my room regularly, i wouldn't feel safe, and i would have needed a lock. so, if you can't prevent your son (and yourself) from entering her room without her express permission, get her a lock so she can get changed in peace.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter has recently turned 16 and, for a couple of months now, has been constantly asking for a lock to be put on her door. she says it’s to keep her brother out - who barges into her room every now and then to bother her - but i’m not sure if the benefit is worth having the lock in place. i don’t like the secrecy of her locking herself in her room and i’m worried she’s trying to hide something from me or that she’ll take the opportunity to lock me out. i admit that i’ve forgotten to knock sometimes but other than that i see no reason as to why she’d need a lock. the way i see it, it’s my house and i am simply unwilling to have any locks put in anywhere. she’s young, and doesn’t really know what’s she’s asking for. so, wibta if i don’t let her get the lock installed?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has recently turned 16 and, for a couple of months now, has been constantly asking for a lock to be put on her door. she says it’s to keep her brother out - who barges into her room every now and then to bother her - but i’m not sure if the benefit is worth having the lock in place. i don’t like the secrecy of her locking herself in her room and i’m worried she’s trying to hide something from me or that she’ll take the opportunity to lock me out. i admit that i’ve forgotten to knock sometimes but other than that i see no reason as to why she’d need a lock. the way i see it, it’s my house and i am simply unwilling to have any locks put in anywhere. she’s young, and doesn’t really know what’s she’s asking for. so, wibta if i don’t let her get the lock installed? [/INST] yta, kids need privacy. keep a spare key in case of emergency's (don't use it for grabbing clothes for a wash) if you are not gonna let her have secrets in her own room she is gonna have them outside where your control is 0.0% </s>
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AITA for not wanting my sister's boyfriend to sleep over?
|
me (23m) and my sister (22f) usually get along pretty well, however we just got into a huge fight.
my parents have gone on a trip for a week, they left today leaving me and her home alone, but in two days my sister is also leaving with her boyfriend on a trip.
about two weeks ago she told me that her boyfriend was gonna be sleeping at our house these two days before their trip, while our parents are away. this made me a bit unconfortable so i told her that he could spend the day with us but i really didn't feel confortable with him sleeping over, even though it seems like a relatively serious relationship and her boyfriend seems nice enough, i don't really know him very well ( i've met him two or three times and we just greeted each other ), plus they have been together for only about 4-5 months.
she got really mad and we fought a bit but then i had to leave, because i wasn't staying home at the time and my ride was leaving. the next day i texted her saying that it's only 2 days and then they're going away for a week alone so i would really appreciate it if he didn't sleep over those two days.
last week i came back home and we didn't really talk about it, but today i brought it up, asking if he was going to sleep over and she said yes. so we got into a huge fight, the dude is coming over later and i just have to deal with it.
should i have just kept quiet and let him sleep over without saying anything? am i even entitled to feel unconfortable about this?
| 6,308
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wz00br/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sisters_boyfriend_to/
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2022-08-27 10:57:15
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info: *why* do you feel uncomfortable with it? you say absolutely nothing about your reasons.
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huh? she's going to be sleeping with him, not you. who appointed you to monitor your sister's love life, and judge of how "serious" her relationships are? yta
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yta
you being uncomfortable isn't wrong. you trying to control your sister because you're uncomfortable is wrong.
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nta i was going to say y t a until i read further and discovered that your sister has not told your parents because your parents would say no. she's not acting like an adult at all. she's acting like a child trying to get away with something.
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nta: if it makes you uncomfortable having a man you don't really know sleeping in *your* house (yours as much as it is your sister's) then you get a veto here. she can stay with him if they want to be together.
if your sister wants to have her boyfriend over on a regular basis like an adult can, then she needs to move out of mommy and daddy's house.
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nta, she's doing it knowing your parents don't allow it, and she's expecting you to lie for her to your parents. not cool. no wonder you feel uncomfortable.
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nta
your sister knows your parents would say no so she’s trying to steamroll you. pick up a phone and call your parents. my sister tried to do this to me once. your sister knows your parents and their boundaries about their home and is choosing to disregard them. everyone saying she’s known him 4 or 5 months is a joke. we’ve had women on here with guys for years and didn’t know half of what they did.
this is your parents house so call them and tell them. don’t let your sister put you in the middle. your sister is probably counting on your parents blaming you if something happens because your the oldest and a guy. leave it up to the people (parents) that own the house to make the decision.
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info what do your parents think? their house, their rules.
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nta. you're living in the house just like she is. you both need to agree on who else is allowed there.
you're right. she is about to go away with him on vacation. it's not like she is not going to see him.
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yta.
is he sharing your bed? no? mind your business.
is he sharing your room? no? mind your business.
do your parents know that he'll be staying there? yes? mind your business. no? then tell them, since it's their house, but stop setting ground rules for a house that you don't get to make ground rules for. since she's going away on a trip with this dude, one can assume your parents know, so they're pretty sure she's having sex.
why are you against your sister getting laid?
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.557939
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (23m) and my sister (22f) usually get along pretty well, however we just got into a huge fight. my parents have gone on a trip for a week, they left today leaving me and her home alone, but in two days my sister is also leaving with her boyfriend on a trip. about two weeks ago she told me that her boyfriend was gonna be sleeping at our house these two days before their trip, while our parents are away. this made me a bit unconfortable so i told her that he could spend the day with us but i really didn't feel confortable with him sleeping over, even though it seems like a relatively serious relationship and her boyfriend seems nice enough, i don't really know him very well ( i've met him two or three times and we just greeted each other ), plus they have been together for only about 4-5 months. she got really mad and we fought a bit but then i had to leave, because i wasn't staying home at the time and my ride was leaving. the next day i texted her saying that it's only 2 days and then they're going away for a week alone so i would really appreciate it if he didn't sleep over those two days. last week i came back home and we didn't really talk about it, but today i brought it up, asking if he was going to sleep over and she said yes. so we got into a huge fight, the dude is coming over later and i just have to deal with it. should i have just kept quiet and let him sleep over without saying anything? am i even entitled to feel unconfortable about this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (23m) and my sister (22f) usually get along pretty well, however we just got into a huge fight. my parents have gone on a trip for a week, they left today leaving me and her home alone, but in two days my sister is also leaving with her boyfriend on a trip. about two weeks ago she told me that her boyfriend was gonna be sleeping at our house these two days before their trip, while our parents are away. this made me a bit unconfortable so i told her that he could spend the day with us but i really didn't feel confortable with him sleeping over, even though it seems like a relatively serious relationship and her boyfriend seems nice enough, i don't really know him very well ( i've met him two or three times and we just greeted each other ), plus they have been together for only about 4-5 months. she got really mad and we fought a bit but then i had to leave, because i wasn't staying home at the time and my ride was leaving. the next day i texted her saying that it's only 2 days and then they're going away for a week alone so i would really appreciate it if he didn't sleep over those two days. last week i came back home and we didn't really talk about it, but today i brought it up, asking if he was going to sleep over and she said yes. so we got into a huge fight, the dude is coming over later and i just have to deal with it. should i have just kept quiet and let him sleep over without saying anything? am i even entitled to feel unconfortable about this? [/INST] info: *why* do you feel uncomfortable with it? you say absolutely nothing about your reasons. </s>
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AITA for shutting down "black" names because I think it'll make life harder on my kids?
|
my husband and i are having a baby. i'm mixed race, half black and half white. my husband is black.
we don't know the gender yet but my husband prefers names that most people would call black names for boys. names like trayvon, devonte, marquis, etc.
i grew up with a name that is tied to black culture and hated it for most of my life. i go by a shortened form of my name professionally (i.e dee for denaisha) because i have seen how people react to my government name. i am sure i have been passed up for jobs because of how people perceive my name.
my husband has a name more commonly used for white boys (i.e jake). he wants a strong black name for our son because he never had that and believes that giving him a "white" name to avoid racism isn't helping anyone. i don't disagree but don't want to use our son as a test dummy to change that.
this has become a battle. i know that we both need to agree on a baby name but aita for writing off all black names?
| 7,777
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ck2eaj/aita_for_shutting_down_black_names_because_i/
|
2019-07-31 02:54:27
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nah. you both have perfectly valid points. why not give him one as a first and one as a middle name, that way they'll both be his legal names and he can make his own choice when he's old enough to understand.
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nah. both have valid points. maybe suggest a name that has a strong association with proud, powerful and inspirational black figures but that isn’t (for lack of a better term) “definitionally” black? like maybe nelson or martin or malcolm or desmond or somesuch?
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nta: i saw a comedian once whose name was tyrone and he said his name was gaelic and it meant "we're not hiring".
|
could you agree on a french name?
many “traditionally black” names are french in origin (eg: monique, andre)
if not, consider pulling the “i lived this” card.
he didn’t experience having one of these names, *but you did.* it sucked, and you don’t want that for your child.
also, offer the middle name. you can even call your child that name, but they will still have a legal name that isn’t as controversial.
nah.
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nta and i am reluctantly calling your husband an asshole. i think he is being willfully ignorant here as hiring discrimination based off black sounding names has been observed in multiple studies. giving a kid a name like this is putting them at a significant disadvantage.
with that said i think you can compromise. if he gives him an arabic name that is commonly given to black males that is probably a healthy compromise between tradition and not limiting your children professionally. names like elijah, isaiah etc.
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nah. wow i don’t think i’ve seen one of these where i can see both points. i agree with you because i have an ethnic name, and the moment i dropped it and went by my middle name, life got easier.
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meet in the middle and name him malcom
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nah.
this is a tough one because you're both right. unfortunately, racist people ignore names on resumes that they can't pronounce or think is associated with a race they don't like. it's hard for people with names associated with certain races to get good work.
but cowing to fear and hatred is not the answer either. your child should be proud of his or her heritage.
ultimately, what matters is that you and your husband compromise on a name you both like and has meaning for you. naming your kid shouldn't be about political statements or tests.
perhaps you can compromise with a strong black name that has a nickname your kid can opt to use the same way you have done. as resumes won't be an issue until your kid reaches a certain age, he or she can decide what to be called by then.
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the asshole is society, but until then nah
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nah - you and he can veto names for any reason you like, and there is sadly a lot of evidence that having certain names can expose you to discrimination
maybe you two can find a strong black name that is less likely to become a basis for discrimination against your son, like charles, marcus, trey, joseph, richard, frederick, jesse, michael, martin, august, langston, elijah, or don?
|
NAH
|
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.031437
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i are having a baby. i'm mixed race, half black and half white. my husband is black. we don't know the gender yet but my husband prefers names that most people would call black names for boys. names like trayvon, devonte, marquis, etc. i grew up with a name that is tied to black culture and hated it for most of my life. i go by a shortened form of my name professionally (i.e dee for denaisha) because i have seen how people react to my government name. i am sure i have been passed up for jobs because of how people perceive my name. my husband has a name more commonly used for white boys (i.e jake). he wants a strong black name for our son because he never had that and believes that giving him a "white" name to avoid racism isn't helping anyone. i don't disagree but don't want to use our son as a test dummy to change that. this has become a battle. i know that we both need to agree on a baby name but aita for writing off all black names?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are having a baby. i'm mixed race, half black and half white. my husband is black. we don't know the gender yet but my husband prefers names that most people would call black names for boys. names like trayvon, devonte, marquis, etc. i grew up with a name that is tied to black culture and hated it for most of my life. i go by a shortened form of my name professionally (i.e dee for denaisha) because i have seen how people react to my government name. i am sure i have been passed up for jobs because of how people perceive my name. my husband has a name more commonly used for white boys (i.e jake). he wants a strong black name for our son because he never had that and believes that giving him a "white" name to avoid racism isn't helping anyone. i don't disagree but don't want to use our son as a test dummy to change that. this has become a battle. i know that we both need to agree on a baby name but aita for writing off all black names? [/INST] nah. you both have perfectly valid points. why not give him one as a first and one as a middle name, that way they'll both be his legal names and he can make his own choice when he's old enough to understand. </s>
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AITA for telling HR that my boss asked me for nudes, even though it was an accident, and getting him and the person it was meant for fired?
|
my boss sent a wrong number text to me asking for nudes. i'm an ugly ass hairy guy with acne and he's an attractive successful guy with abs who talks about all the girls that fall for him on a daily basis, we were just talking about work when he asked out of nowhere... he also didn't play it off as a joke which makes me further believe it was a mistake and not actually something he meant to send me.
he said he was sorry and stuff, but the thing that got me was that the message had the shift leads name on it, i was gunning for this promotion and worked my ass off and was surprised to hear the position went to her. she had been there one 2 months and i had been there almost a year when she got it... i couldn't help but think that she only got the position because she was sleeping with mr nipple flex.. so i told hr. after about a month of getting calls and stuff from the dm they were both suddenly gone and replaced by a new manager.. i now have the shift lead position, but i feel kind of bad that they got fired...
some of the other employees say they knew they were sleeping together, but didn't really care...
| 5,754
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cxwzwv/aita_for_telling_hr_that_my_boss_asked_me_for/
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2019-08-31 15:46:12
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esh. this sort of stuff is supposed to be reported to hr, so you did the right thing. although i get the feeling that if you didn’t want the girls job you wouldn’t have reported it, so you’re a little bit of an asshole
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nta - i don’t think you did this out of jealousy. if i did, i would’ve said everybody sucks. i think it was more of a “hey this isn’t cool, but now it’s affecting other people’s work too” thing. just because you’re one of the people it’s affecting and you accidentally benefited from telling hr doesn’t make you the asshole. he’s obviously the asshole cuz that’s sexual harassment and a huge conflict of interest.
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holy shit nta. how are people going around saying that you shouldn’t be pissed that an inappropriate relationship between a boss and subordinate is even laying one finger on the scale against your career? even if this was a self-motivated move, you have valid reason to feel personally injured by the behavior of the boss and colleague. i’m def not against all workplace relationships, but it’s immediately inappropriate when a subordinate and boss are involved, especially when the subordinate receives a promotion. even in the most charitable light, if she did deserve the promotion, it still calls into question the meritocracy of the workplace, her authority in the new role, and diminishes morale for those who can only work for it. plus nepotism is bad for the bottom line. that’s why it’s against hr rules literally everywhere. goddamn, people.
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nta management shouldn’t be asking employees for nudes.
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[deleted]
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esh. you make it obvious this was retaliation and that you've got some underlying issues behind it, but obviously they were doing the wrong thing.
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nta , in fact hes the asshole for trying to fuck you by giving the position to someone who just sucked n fucked her way into it.
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nta. they wouldn’t have been fired if their relationship was appropriate.
|
nta,
if management is using their company phone to ask for nudes, in no way is that appropriate exactly because of the situation here. company contacts and whatnot. what if this guy sent this text to a client?
everyone saying esh just because you had a position on the line don't understand the implications of them sleeping together. she was obviously not fit for the job and only got it because she banged the boss. just because you benefited from it, doesn't mean you are also the asshole, you were supposedly the best fit for the job, and that would mean the company would be more successful and less biased because of your actions.
as well, the fact that you knew about this could mean you are somehow liable in the power dynamic abuse.
|
nta god i love this post. so many issues to debate.
op did the right thing by reporting this to hr.
op is slightly an asshole for admitting feeling like he deserved a promotion was his main motivation in reporting.
but also op says he was not aware of the relationship prior so he couldn’t have reported it earlier with “better” intentions. when he found out the promotion had already happened and he connected the dots.
op has already commented that she was 19 and not more qualified than him so we can’t fight about op being an entitled man. she was 19 with two months experience. it’s extremely improbable that she was the best person for the job.
so it comes down to personal morals. does doing the “right” thing become less right when you do it for selfish motives?? i think most people are in agreement that reporting was the right thing. i personally applaud op for recognizing and admitting to selfish motives. that specifically is what makes it nta. if he was oblivious to his selfish motives and wanted a hero award then he would be 100% y t a
|
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.06929
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boss sent a wrong number text to me asking for nudes. i'm an ugly ass hairy guy with acne and he's an attractive successful guy with abs who talks about all the girls that fall for him on a daily basis, we were just talking about work when he asked out of nowhere... he also didn't play it off as a joke which makes me further believe it was a mistake and not actually something he meant to send me. he said he was sorry and stuff, but the thing that got me was that the message had the shift leads name on it, i was gunning for this promotion and worked my ass off and was surprised to hear the position went to her. she had been there one 2 months and i had been there almost a year when she got it... i couldn't help but think that she only got the position because she was sleeping with mr nipple flex.. so i told hr. after about a month of getting calls and stuff from the dm they were both suddenly gone and replaced by a new manager.. i now have the shift lead position, but i feel kind of bad that they got fired... some of the other employees say they knew they were sleeping together, but didn't really care...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boss sent a wrong number text to me asking for nudes. i'm an ugly ass hairy guy with acne and he's an attractive successful guy with abs who talks about all the girls that fall for him on a daily basis, we were just talking about work when he asked out of nowhere... he also didn't play it off as a joke which makes me further believe it was a mistake and not actually something he meant to send me. he said he was sorry and stuff, but the thing that got me was that the message had the shift leads name on it, i was gunning for this promotion and worked my ass off and was surprised to hear the position went to her. she had been there one 2 months and i had been there almost a year when she got it... i couldn't help but think that she only got the position because she was sleeping with mr nipple flex.. so i told hr. after about a month of getting calls and stuff from the dm they were both suddenly gone and replaced by a new manager.. i now have the shift lead position, but i feel kind of bad that they got fired... some of the other employees say they knew they were sleeping together, but didn't really care... [/INST] esh. this sort of stuff is supposed to be reported to hr, so you did the right thing. although i get the feeling that if you didn’t want the girls job you wouldn’t have reported it, so you’re a little bit of an asshole </s>
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AITA for not wanting my daughter to marry her cousin?
|
my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin.
i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway.
i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life.
i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin.
| 18,910
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fk3uw4/aita_for_not_wanting_my_daughter_to_marry_her/
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2020-03-17 11:46:31
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yta you agreed to help pay for the wedding. 5th cousin is basically nothing and they were already in love and getting married super soon before finding this out.
were you looking for a reason not to like her fiancé or something? sounds like it.
|
yta
edit to add: this blew up, so thank you! please don’t share this comment as a screenshot on other social media platforms :)
there’s a massive difference between a first cousin and a fifth cousin. the genetic risk of marrying even a second cousin is around the same as marrying a stranger - and if she’s marrying her fifth cousin then there’s not likely to be any issues.
we are all related if you look far back enough in our family trees, and as long as she’s happy that’s all that matters.
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you're throwing a hissy fit over someone who was great great great grandpa's brother's kid's kid's kid's kid's kid? do you know how ridiculous that sounds? you can't even realistically call them related at that point, unless you are misinterpreting what a 5th cousin is. if you look hard enough, everyone is related. yta
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yta. average % of dna shared: 0.05% according to a quick google. negligible at worst.
&#x200b;
in any case, that you had to look for it, should have been a clue that it isn't an issue. everyone is related if you go back far enough, including you and your partner.
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yta. fifth cousin is a very distant relation and you’re being a drama queen for reacting this way. you realise that any man she meets is going to be related to her in one way or another? what happens if she meets her 223rd cousin? not a big deal.
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yta - grow up.... seriously. reread what you wrote and tell me you don't already know yta.
your also ruining your kids wedding and making it about yourself at this point. yta for that also.
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yta. fifth cousin? fifth? they have more dna in common with a potato than with each other.
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fifth cousin? as in a complete stranger who isn't part of your family?
yeah either you're lying to yourself and/or your daughter about the real reason you don't approve, or you legit believe this is a problem for some reason that only makes sense to you. either way yta.
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yta. i hope you're joking. a fifth cousin is nothing. half the people you pass in the street are your fifth cousin.
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yta. this is entirely legally and morally fine. 5th cousin is barely related!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin. i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway. i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life. i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin. i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway. i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life. i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin. [/INST] yta you agreed to help pay for the wedding. 5th cousin is basically nothing and they were already in love and getting married super soon before finding this out. were you looking for a reason not to like her fiancé or something? sounds like it. </s>
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AITA for not trying a bite of my MIL's food even though its considered rude where they're from?
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my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me.
we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it.
i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking.
mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat.
aita?
| 8,159
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqtged/aita_for_not_trying_a_bite_of_my_mils_food_even/
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2021-09-18 20:05:22
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yta. i don't see how saying "i don't eat just anyone's cooking" could be anything but a insult. did you not know food would be served?
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i really wanted to say n t a but your reasoning of
>i don’t just eat anyone’s cooking
is a special kind of cringeworthy.
i am adamantly against the concept of you must eat the food provided even if you don’t like it for the sake of politeness, but damn your reasoning for not even tasting the food is that your mil cooked it. yeah, that’s just rude, mean, cruel, and tactless.
yta
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yta
who goes to a *dinner party* and doesn’t eat the food?
if you were feeling so unwell that you couldn’t even eat a bite then you should have stayed at home. what you did was rude, frankly bizarre, and you potentially passed on whatever stomach thing you had going on that day, which is inconsiderate. an ah all round.
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[deleted]
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yta. it’s very basic manners to eat a bite of someone’s cooking who graciously invited you over, not just an “asian” thing. also, if you’re invited to a dinner party, you’re supposed to show up ready to eat and hungry.
i also don’t get the “don’t just eat anyone’s cooking.” what does this mean?
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clearly, yta. "i don't just eat anyone's cooking." anyone's? and you wrote that twice!!! did you think your mil was trying to poison you? what an insult!
you are 15-20 minutes into the dinner but you are not in the mood to eat? does the world revolve around you?
"husband is asian/white, i am african american...if that matters." no, it does not matter unless you feel that gives you entitlement...which it does not!
you "hadn't meant to be rude?" omg! i would hate to see what you would have done if you had.
you owe your mil a huge apology. get over yourself and grow up.
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yta if you are not going to eat don’t go to a dinner party. you sound like a snob “i don’t just eat anyone’s cooking” what an entitled asshole.
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yta. why would you go to a dinner party and not eat dinner? you should have declined the invitation instead of making everything all weird. were you implying that she was trying to poison you or something? this is so weird.
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yta! you never ever go to a dinner and refuse to eat, that is profoundly disrespectful. i’m one of the fussiest eaters in history and have battled gagging more than once to eat a meal i didn’t like as when you accept an invitation to a meal you take that risk.
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[deleted]
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.04134
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me. we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it. i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking. mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me. we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it. i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking. mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat. aita? [/INST] yta. i don't see how saying "i don't eat just anyone's cooking" could be anything but a insult. did you not know food would be served? </s>
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AITA for not wanting my wife's mother to babysit our son
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so i'm a 27m my wife is 26f and our son is 2 years old. so my wife's mother has wanted to watch/babysit our son since we've had him. i personally really haven't wanted her to watch him because i don't like how she keeps her house maintained, not a big fan of her attitude and i just don't really think it's necessary for her to watch him overnight. i don't have a problem with her seeing him at our house at all though.
my wife has been against this and insists that her mom is allowed to babysit him and keep him overnight. she's been telling me that i'm being unfair and she has no issues with her mom watching him.
also her mom has been getting very annoyed with me about this and calling me an ah for how i feel. so i'm wondering, what do you think? am i an ah for this?
| 679
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tisvc4/aita_for_not_wanting_my_wifes_mother_to_babysit/
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2022-03-20 19:33:58
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info: is perhaps part of the reason your wife wants her mom to watch y’all’s son overnight is because she needs a break? how much of the childcare does she do?
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you need to explain in more detail
1) what your issues are with mil
2) about the care dynamic for the childcare. does wife get childcare breaks
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info: what specifically about how she maintains her house and her attitude do you not like?
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in-fo: you said your wife does the majority of child care and would like her mother's help. did you offer to help with child care and made sure she does not get burned out?
yta if you not help your wife to not get a burn out.
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so you work 50 hours a week maybe but she's parenting what, 17 hours a day 7 days a week? and you're telling her she can't have any help at all? like, you've decided that she literally does not ever deserve a break?
why don't you let her go to a hotel for the weekend and watch the kid for two days, i bet you're exhausted and desperately wishing for the easiness of your job. imagine doing it every day for two years without a night off.
ps maybe your wife wants the kid to go to grandma's so you two can have a romantic night together? or you don't believe in date nights either?
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yta for being uncompromising.
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this needs a lot more context... i think it'd be stupid for us to make a decision with this little info.
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info: need more details. this could be garden variety helicopter parenting or it could be a legitimate concern.
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yta. so for two years you've basically been telling the mother of your wife she's unfit to care for a child and keep it safe and you don't like her attitude?! people have different methods of parenting and ideas of how best to raise kids; that doesn't make them unsafe to care for a child! it makes you an asshole for thinking your way is the only way.
devil's advocate: how about mil says you're coddling your child and refuse to let child experience anything, or are too lazy to actually watch your child to make sure they stay safe and you can teach them what's ok and what's unsafe as they go, and they learn to hear the word no and the consequences that go with it so they grow up to be stable adults who learn to take safer risks and not be paranoid parents to their own kids!?
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based on all your comments yta. a massive one.
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INFO
| null |
INFO
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.125
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm a 27m my wife is 26f and our son is 2 years old. so my wife's mother has wanted to watch/babysit our son since we've had him. i personally really haven't wanted her to watch him because i don't like how she keeps her house maintained, not a big fan of her attitude and i just don't really think it's necessary for her to watch him overnight. i don't have a problem with her seeing him at our house at all though. my wife has been against this and insists that her mom is allowed to babysit him and keep him overnight. she's been telling me that i'm being unfair and she has no issues with her mom watching him. also her mom has been getting very annoyed with me about this and calling me an ah for how i feel. so i'm wondering, what do you think? am i an ah for this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i'm a 27m my wife is 26f and our son is 2 years old. so my wife's mother has wanted to watch/babysit our son since we've had him. i personally really haven't wanted her to watch him because i don't like how she keeps her house maintained, not a big fan of her attitude and i just don't really think it's necessary for her to watch him overnight. i don't have a problem with her seeing him at our house at all though. my wife has been against this and insists that her mom is allowed to babysit him and keep him overnight. she's been telling me that i'm being unfair and she has no issues with her mom watching him. also her mom has been getting very annoyed with me about this and calling me an ah for how i feel. so i'm wondering, what do you think? am i an ah for this? [/INST] info: is perhaps part of the reason your wife wants her mom to watch y’all’s son overnight is because she needs a break? how much of the childcare does she do? </s>
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