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AITA for telling my MIL to get lost?
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throwaway: me (27f) and my husband "seth" (30m) have been together for over 5 years. last week, seth had to travel out of state to attend his sister's wedding. unfortunately, i was unable to attend due to work related issues.
seth was gone for a whole week, and of course, i missed him terribly. seth and i don't get much quality time together due to our stressful work schedules. i was still happy that he got to spend some relaxing time with his family. yesterday, seth and i finally got the opportunity to spend a day off together.
we decided to go for a cruise downtown in our new car and then go out to eat at our favorite restaurant. seth posted about our date night plans on social media. the day started off very well, until we got to the restaurant. as soon as we got to the parking lot, we see my mil (51f) standing near the entrance.
she bolted towards us and gave seth and i a big hug. she said that she saw our plans on social media and decided to join us. i was already very upset, but i bit my toung because i didn't want to make a scene in public. i just tried my best to hide the fact that i was not having a good time during dinner.
after dinner was over, we all headed out to the parking lot and i said goodbye to my mil. my mil said that she would join us back at our place to have some drinks. after she kept insisting that she join us at our house, i finally snapped at her!
i said, "look, i want to spend some alone time with my husband. we almost never get to be alone together. you just spent a week long luxury vacation with him, while i was stuck at home alone. you already ruined our date by barging in our dinner plans. just get lost!"
my mil look horrified. she started crying and power walked back to her car. seth was stunned and started scolding me about how cruel i was to his mother. he said that i should've just expressed to him how i was feeling, instead making his mother feel unwanted. aita?
| 1,634
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vy9ik0/aita_for_telling_my_mil_to_get_lost/
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2022-07-13 17:57:34
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esh. your husband for posting your plans, your mil for showing up uninvited and you for the way you said that. you could have stopped with your first two sentences.
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nta.
mil wasn't invited. she intruded on your time with your hubs without asking. at the end of the day, she's the one at fault.
could you have been a little less harsh in your tone? sure but sometimes you have to spell it out or people will never get it.
oh, and the hubs is a slight ah too.
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nta
that's some major overstepping on her part. at minimum she should have called to ask first.
i'm assuming she also went to the wedding? did she invite herself to her other child's honeymoon? crawl in bed with them? jfc people like that piss me off.
and that's on your husband to be perfectly frank. as soon as you saw her he should have immediately said no mom, this is alone time date night. go home.
people expect that they can do this type of thing with no consequences because we're all taught to be polite.
inviting herself back to your house on top of crashing your dinner date? oh hell no. i don't blame you not even a little bit.
your husband needs to sit his mother down and tell her to stop just showing up. he also needs to stop posting your damn plans on fb ffs. she'd have no idea what you were doing or where you'd be if he'd disconnect his life from social media. so part of this is squarely on his shoulders.
boundaries need to be established. specify that her children will invite her when they want to have her company. otherwise she needs to call and ask before just showing up.
so utterly rude. completely inappropriate.
this is like the post where the husband comes home after a long absence and then mil stays for a week until the wife loses her shit and says you need to leave so i can fuck your son.
i can't even...smh. nta.
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nta. barging in on your date like that is blatantly disrespectful. i truly detest people who just try to force themselves on you like this.
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esh. your mil was definitely out of line to invite herself and your husband should have recognized her behavior was inappropriate and addressed it, but he’s also right that you could have handled the situation a lot better. since you said you saw her as soon as you got to the parking lot, you could have spoken to your husband about how to handle this before leaving your car. one of you could have headed the whole thing off at the pass with something like, “hey, this was really intended to be a date night since we haven’t had a chance for any alone time recently. but we can definitely make plans to get dinner together some other time.”
bottling up frustration tends to lead and an explosive outcome like this one.
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nta. she wasn't invited, she invited herself. she should know it's rude to do that.
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i think the issue is that your husband thought her company was a good idea. he hadn’t seen you for a week but was happy for mum to join the date, and the after party. he’s the problem here. nta
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you made her feel unwanted because she was unwanted. she picked up on that and us embarrassed because she did something embarrassing. these are her emotions, not yours, and she's the one who is responsible for processing them.
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nta. you’re better than me, i would have told her to get lost as soon as i saw her.
your husband also sucks btw. his mother was unwanted and he should have backed you up.
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esh. mil for barging in on your date after she had just spent a whole week with dh, you for telling her to 'get lost'. you could have said "mil, i haven't seen my husband in a week and we wanted to have a romantic night. surely you can understand." your husband also sucks for not immediately, upon seeing his mother at the restaurant, telling her "mom, i just spent a week with you and i want to spend the evening with my wife. why would you invite yourself on our date?"
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.176777
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway: me (27f) and my husband "seth" (30m) have been together for over 5 years. last week, seth had to travel out of state to attend his sister's wedding. unfortunately, i was unable to attend due to work related issues. seth was gone for a whole week, and of course, i missed him terribly. seth and i don't get much quality time together due to our stressful work schedules. i was still happy that he got to spend some relaxing time with his family. yesterday, seth and i finally got the opportunity to spend a day off together. we decided to go for a cruise downtown in our new car and then go out to eat at our favorite restaurant. seth posted about our date night plans on social media. the day started off very well, until we got to the restaurant. as soon as we got to the parking lot, we see my mil (51f) standing near the entrance. she bolted towards us and gave seth and i a big hug. she said that she saw our plans on social media and decided to join us. i was already very upset, but i bit my toung because i didn't want to make a scene in public. i just tried my best to hide the fact that i was not having a good time during dinner. after dinner was over, we all headed out to the parking lot and i said goodbye to my mil. my mil said that she would join us back at our place to have some drinks. after she kept insisting that she join us at our house, i finally snapped at her! i said, "look, i want to spend some alone time with my husband. we almost never get to be alone together. you just spent a week long luxury vacation with him, while i was stuck at home alone. you already ruined our date by barging in our dinner plans. just get lost!" my mil look horrified. she started crying and power walked back to her car. seth was stunned and started scolding me about how cruel i was to his mother. he said that i should've just expressed to him how i was feeling, instead making his mother feel unwanted. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway: me (27f) and my husband "seth" (30m) have been together for over 5 years. last week, seth had to travel out of state to attend his sister's wedding. unfortunately, i was unable to attend due to work related issues. seth was gone for a whole week, and of course, i missed him terribly. seth and i don't get much quality time together due to our stressful work schedules. i was still happy that he got to spend some relaxing time with his family. yesterday, seth and i finally got the opportunity to spend a day off together. we decided to go for a cruise downtown in our new car and then go out to eat at our favorite restaurant. seth posted about our date night plans on social media. the day started off very well, until we got to the restaurant. as soon as we got to the parking lot, we see my mil (51f) standing near the entrance. she bolted towards us and gave seth and i a big hug. she said that she saw our plans on social media and decided to join us. i was already very upset, but i bit my toung because i didn't want to make a scene in public. i just tried my best to hide the fact that i was not having a good time during dinner. after dinner was over, we all headed out to the parking lot and i said goodbye to my mil. my mil said that she would join us back at our place to have some drinks. after she kept insisting that she join us at our house, i finally snapped at her! i said, "look, i want to spend some alone time with my husband. we almost never get to be alone together. you just spent a week long luxury vacation with him, while i was stuck at home alone. you already ruined our date by barging in our dinner plans. just get lost!" my mil look horrified. she started crying and power walked back to her car. seth was stunned and started scolding me about how cruel i was to his mother. he said that i should've just expressed to him how i was feeling, instead making his mother feel unwanted. aita? [/INST] esh. your husband for posting your plans, your mil for showing up uninvited and you for the way you said that. you could have stopped with your first two sentences. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband he can go on a trip with his sister on his own, if he wants to cancel our trip to join theirs?
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ta, keeping it short
me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal.
we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time".
i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead.
he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita?
| 9,185
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybg4sc/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_can_go_on_a_trip/
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2022-10-23 12:12:38
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yta.
his niece is terminally ill, which - unless i’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon.
you have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. you have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for.
so then your sil tells your husband that they want to give anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights.
and your response, instead of being supportive, is “go on you own”?
wtf is wrong with you. get your head out of your backside. his family member is dying.
if you do decide to go to france, stay there.
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yta
options for hustand doing this trip in the future with niece = 0
options for you taking a trip to france with husband in future = countless
disturbing that you need to ask this frankly.
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"he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here."
you're the one sulking, being mad and unreasonable. his niece is dying, and you haven't even booked anything yet, i.e. no loss of money. have the kindness to fulfill their wishes. **yta**
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yta. his neice won't be there another time, france will. you say you "understand" him, you very clearly just don't care. you only want your fun and vacation and don't give a damn that this girl is dying. shame on you.
you should be supporting your husband and going with him. this is a hard time for him and you're acting spoiled and stomping your feet just because you want your way. i would divorce you.
have a heart.
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wow.. france isn‘t dying. but his niece is. of course he wants to spend this difficult time with his family and maybe create a few last beautiful memories with them.
it‘s of course up to you if you want to be part of his family or not.
it‘s a little odd to me if you‘re ignorant to his feelings and his side of the family though. he may need your support to go through this. you know.. as a spouse „through good times and bad times…“ but if france is more important to you. sure. go and travel and leave your husband alone creating his last memories with his niece and grieving about the imminent loss.
yta.
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you're the massive asshole. i live in france, please don't come.
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this is what you sound like to the rest of us: "so what if your niece is dying? why do you even care? it's not like she'll be able to remember this in a few years when she's dead anyways. i will remeber seeing the eiffel tower a lot longer than your niece will be able to remember seeing the northern lights, and i think that's way more important."
yta.
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yta
your spouse's niece is dying. unless you are also dying and unable to visit france any other time in the future, then let the man spend some of the little time she has left doing something she wants to do before she dies. but if you're too much of a narcissist to let this girl's trip be about her, then i hope your spouse gets to see france with someone who actually loves him. last i heard, you'd need a heart to do that.
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yta. way to show who you are. we believe you too.
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yta. his niece is dying and he wants to be part of her last vacation. do you think if he went to france instead he would be any fun?
he would spend the whole time thinking of his niece. he would wish he was with her instead.
you literally can go to france anytime. this sounds like this is the last trip for his niece.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ta, keeping it short me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal. we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time". i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead. he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ta, keeping it short me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal. we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time". i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead. he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita? [/INST] yta. his niece is terminally ill, which - unless i’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon. you have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. you have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for. so then your sil tells your husband that they want to give anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights. and your response, instead of being supportive, is “go on you own”? wtf is wrong with you. get your head out of your backside. his family member is dying. if you do decide to go to france, stay there. </s>
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WIBTA if I reveal that I know about our family secret?
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throwaway account because i don't want it tied to my main.
my family consists of myself (21m), my sister (34f), and my parents (61m and 55f). i thought it would be cool to research our family tree to see how far back i could get and possibly create a gift to give to my parents. while researching i came across a suspicious birth record. 21 years ago on my exact date of birth a 13 year old female with my sister's name gave birth to a boy. the records are from a state where my parents have occasionally mentioned having lived before i was born. now i'll admit it's possible that this is just a huge coincidence, but with everything lining up so perfectly i have a strong suspicion that my "sister" is actually my birth mother and that my "parents" are my grandparents who opted to take the parental role and raise us as siblings.
my family have shown me nothing but the greatest love and support that anyone could ever ask for. if all of this is true i don't want to do anything that would massively change or damage my relationship with them. i don't believe that my perception would change but i'm worried that me knowing might cause them feelings of embarrassment or shame? i don't know if those are the right words to describe it but i doubt it would be a positive reaction.
i've talked about it with one friend and they think i should tell them, if only so that my family doesn't have to keep their guards up about the story around me or for the possibility that they could even disprove my wild claims. i'm still really feeling conflicted about the whole thing. wibta if i tell my family what i found?
tl;dr: my sister might actually be my mom
| 7,106
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i74t2p/wibta_if_i_reveal_that_i_know_about_our_family/
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2020-08-10 13:27:34
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nah. having a record of the birth however does not give you details of the conception, which could simply be a 13 year old with poor judgment, or it could potentially be an horrific thing that happened to your sister.
i would suggest approaching the subject calmly, with your mum only and saying that you were researching family history and came across an interesting birth record that doesn't make sense to you. let her guide how the conversation goes from there.
i saw another poster suggesting talking to your sister, i like that idea if she made a poor decision, but if it was something more sinister then that could potentially end badly.
either way, your parents are amazing, and how great to have a fantastic sister
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nah but be very careful how you approach this.
there's a factor here that i haven't seen many other people mentioning -- if your sister really is your biological mother, then she had you at 13. that is insanely young and raises a lot of red flags; and i'm sorry to say but your conception may not have been a consensual affair. your "sister" may have trauma related to this incident and there may be a lot more to this than you realize. she may have just been a naive teenager that had sex too young with her boyfriend, but she could also have been raped. the only way to know for sure is to have an open and honest conversation about it. from what you wrote it sounds like your family is kind and understanding so hopefully you're able to talk to them openly about this.
you definitely are within your rights to know the truth, but be prepared if it is not a happy story to hear.
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nta, but if your sister had you at 13 no matter the cause it was probably pretty traumatic for her. if you decide to move forward with this line of questioning please be very gentle with her.
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nah - in fact you all sound like great people. you do need to reveal this otherwise you're going to be wondering forever and that could cause issues in your relationships with your family.
it may be worth quietly discussing it with your parents before your sister, you have no idea about the circumstances that lead to a 12/13 year old falling pregnant and it may be worth finding out before bringing this up to her.
hope everything works out for you.
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nah. wow. you’re one hundred percent nta, but i also won’t call two parents who were open to raising their grandchild as their son assholes either.
this is entirely up to you what you do with this information. it’s info about your family and heritage and if you’re curious or want to know, you’re well within your rights to ask.
if it’s just a coincidence it’ll be a funny story to tell years down the line.
do whatever you want with the info man.
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nta, but i'd suggest mentioning that you found that to your parents, and seeing their reaction, if they tell you, they want you to know. if they don't, just leave it. at 13, there must have been something that happened, that your sister probably doesn't want to remember.
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nah. you would have to talk very gently with your sister/mom alone. she might have been raped, maybe even by a person you know. don't involve your parents first since for all you know, they might have caused this trauma for her.
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nah
i think people would love to hear an update on what you decide and if you choose to talk to them, i think people will want to know how it goes, best of luck dude
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nah
however if you were to bring the conversation up i think you should talk to your parents first rather than your sister. something tragic could have happened and your parents would be a lot calmer in dealing with the situation. i would talk one on one with one parent and address what you found, try and be calm and just have an adult conversation about it. if the conversation goes well, then talk to your sister (potential mother) but i would just be sensible about the situation because there may have been a tragic reason behind the cover up.
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nta.
by the way, in case you didn't know, this also happened to jack nicholson. he didn't find out until after his sister's (mother's) death. his conclusion was "reality is not open to interpretation" - i.e., he accepted it as what it was, - the truth, without issues.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.028068
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account because i don't want it tied to my main. my family consists of myself (21m), my sister (34f), and my parents (61m and 55f). i thought it would be cool to research our family tree to see how far back i could get and possibly create a gift to give to my parents. while researching i came across a suspicious birth record. 21 years ago on my exact date of birth a 13 year old female with my sister's name gave birth to a boy. the records are from a state where my parents have occasionally mentioned having lived before i was born. now i'll admit it's possible that this is just a huge coincidence, but with everything lining up so perfectly i have a strong suspicion that my "sister" is actually my birth mother and that my "parents" are my grandparents who opted to take the parental role and raise us as siblings. my family have shown me nothing but the greatest love and support that anyone could ever ask for. if all of this is true i don't want to do anything that would massively change or damage my relationship with them. i don't believe that my perception would change but i'm worried that me knowing might cause them feelings of embarrassment or shame? i don't know if those are the right words to describe it but i doubt it would be a positive reaction. i've talked about it with one friend and they think i should tell them, if only so that my family doesn't have to keep their guards up about the story around me or for the possibility that they could even disprove my wild claims. i'm still really feeling conflicted about the whole thing. wibta if i tell my family what i found? tl;dr: my sister might actually be my mom
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i don't want it tied to my main. my family consists of myself (21m), my sister (34f), and my parents (61m and 55f). i thought it would be cool to research our family tree to see how far back i could get and possibly create a gift to give to my parents. while researching i came across a suspicious birth record. 21 years ago on my exact date of birth a 13 year old female with my sister's name gave birth to a boy. the records are from a state where my parents have occasionally mentioned having lived before i was born. now i'll admit it's possible that this is just a huge coincidence, but with everything lining up so perfectly i have a strong suspicion that my "sister" is actually my birth mother and that my "parents" are my grandparents who opted to take the parental role and raise us as siblings. my family have shown me nothing but the greatest love and support that anyone could ever ask for. if all of this is true i don't want to do anything that would massively change or damage my relationship with them. i don't believe that my perception would change but i'm worried that me knowing might cause them feelings of embarrassment or shame? i don't know if those are the right words to describe it but i doubt it would be a positive reaction. i've talked about it with one friend and they think i should tell them, if only so that my family doesn't have to keep their guards up about the story around me or for the possibility that they could even disprove my wild claims. i'm still really feeling conflicted about the whole thing. wibta if i tell my family what i found? tl;dr: my sister might actually be my mom [/INST] nah. having a record of the birth however does not give you details of the conception, which could simply be a 13 year old with poor judgment, or it could potentially be an horrific thing that happened to your sister. i would suggest approaching the subject calmly, with your mum only and saying that you were researching family history and came across an interesting birth record that doesn't make sense to you. let her guide how the conversation goes from there. i saw another poster suggesting talking to your sister, i like that idea if she made a poor decision, but if it was something more sinister then that could potentially end badly. either way, your parents are amazing, and how great to have a fantastic sister </s>
|
AITA for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me “being gay is wrong”?
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little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it.
flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time”
he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”.
notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them.
i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive.
i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.
| 24,129
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqmqs3/aita_for_disinviting_my_brother_to_my_wedding/
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2020-07-13 20:10:05
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nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it.
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nta i'm so sorry op. your brother is a huge ah. you deserve to have people there who support and love you guys. all the hugs op
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its because family when they first hear it are like “oh its a phase” then later theyre like oh its not, better try to make them feel like our all loving god hates them.
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nta
unfortunately for some reason, weddings tend to bring out the worst of people. people say things they would otherwise hold their tongue about because they view weddings as so “final”
i’m sorry your brother revealed the ugly center
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nta - it's your day and they don't need to be there if they aren't committed to your happiness or are allowing prejudice to change the way they treat you.
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nta - it was a backstabbing move to betray you and your partner. enjoy your day.
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nta. no homophobes allowed.
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not even a little bit. why have someone at your wedding who thinks that way? i don't care if it's a family member or not.
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nta. i do not really understand what he was hoping to achieve with his little speech. you are not the asshole if you choose to not invite him to the wedding. apparently, his faith has him reject his own brother...just like jesus wanted!
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nta. you deserve to be surrounded by those that love you on your wedding, regardless of being related by blood.
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen. [/INST] nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it. </s>
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AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?
|
my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.
however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final.
the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused.
aita for putting my foot down on this?
| 35,033
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wgud9p/aita_flipping_out_on_my_fiance_for_cancelling_all/
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2022-08-05 12:35:25
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nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man.
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nta. so, he:
1. has no clue what vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning.
2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine.
3. doesn't respect your input and your money.
4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.
5. either can't stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.
that's a lot of things to be really angry about. why are you marrying this guy again?
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nta
are you _sure_ you want to marry this man and his family? they have no respect at all for you and yours.
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so you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family paying can eat. i’d cancel the wedding you nta, him and mummy massive massive ah’s
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nta, and easy fix. he cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding.
imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have any type of input on their upbringing...
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nta, unless you marry him.
he showed you who he is. believe him.
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nta and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together.
- he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family.
- he’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate
- he’s prioritising his mothers fragile feelings over your needs
i’m not the “break up” over anything type of person but… this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect.
and at his age … that’s worrying.
another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.
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definitely nta.
not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple.
he felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.
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nta
as someone who has been vegan/vegetarian for 15 years and very familiar with this kind of hostility from meat eaters, i beg of you to seriously reconsider your relationship. his family is one thing, but if he's so flippant about your lifestyle and makes comments about it not being real food, it means he doesn't respect you. especially if he's doing shit like this behind your back. doesn't seem like he's trustworthy. he sounds like the type of person that would intentionally feed you non vegan things because he thinks it's funny and would teach you a lesson.
|
info: how many options are there in total?
so like 4-5 non vegan and 4-5 vegan meaning 8-10 options for meals? is this a buffet or restaurant reception?
or is this a multi-course menu and so there is essentially 1 vegan meal with 4-5 courses?
nta- because he did this behind your back without talking to you... but i'm wondering why he cares what other people eat?
also he's the ah for claiming he doesn't know what vegans eat. you're vegan... he knows you eat more than salad.
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this? [/INST] nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man. </s>
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WIBTA if I tell my stepdaughter and my wife that I don't want to use the investments I made for my late daughter to finance her college education?
|
my daughter passed away 6 years ago fighting a rare genetic condition. the condition was also responsible for my late wife's death when my daughter was only an infant. i don't want to discuss anything related to that now. let me talk about the issue at hand.
i'm now married to my amazing wife. i have a stepdaughter who will be starting high school shortly. i made a lot of investments for my late daughter. i thought i could give her a head start in life. but that never happened. so i decided to donate the money to a charity ( which helps kids with genetic disorders ). the investments i made mature in an year and i plan on donating all of it.
now my wife wants me to use the money for my stepdaughter. she tells me that this will help her have a head start in life and that would partially fulfill the purpose of the investments. she thinks this will also help us finance her college education. she doesn't want her getting bogged down by loans, which is a sound argument. i love my stepdaughter, but i don't think i'm ready to do this. i want to donate the money. wibta here?
| 17,777
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwd091/wibta_if_i_tell_my_stepdaughter_and_my_wife_that/
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2019-06-03 16:58:00
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nah, i completely see both sides and they're both valid.
i think an obvious compromise would be donate half and give step daughter half.
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this is a great example of nah.
you want to donate the money, which is admirable and would honor your daughter's memory.
your wife wants to use the money to secure your stepdaughter's future. i'd say that unless it's a *ton* of money, it's likely to all end up going towards college.
i can't solidly give you advice, since i don't yet have kids myself, but i think nobody has been an a here yet. i do think deciding on donating all the money will be problematic for your relationships with your wife and stepdaughter, so if you're committed to donating it all you'll have to be prepared for that. you may also want to talk about it with your stepdaughter; maybe she'd be okay with the donation.
as a potential third option, consider splitting the money in half and spending half on your daughter via the donation, half on your stepdaughter? i think that one of the problems with the "donate it all" plan is that it shows strong favoritism for your own daughter, and kind of says to your stepdaughter "i'll never love you as much as my *real* daughter."
i'd say tread carefully here. so far no one's been an a, but large sums of money tend to breed them.
|
nah — i don’t think you’re an asshole for wanting to donate to a charity, but neither is your wife for wanting it to go to your stepdaughter. as someone who is still paying off school loans almost ten years later, even paying for a semester or two can be life changing.
|
>i don't think i'm ready to do this
how about you wait on donating, and see if you maybe change your mind in the future? charities don't run away, and you might want to help your stepdaughter with her debt later on, or buy yourself something nice.
|
yta
this will be closer to the bottom, no doubt, but here we go. you are putting the needs, reasonable needs of your immediate family below the memory of your daughter. i understand your emotions but you still have a family you need to take care of, and funding your stepdaughter's education will allow her not to drown in debt and focus on becoming a better person. help other people after, not before, you've taken care of your own.
e: stop with the awards, i'm on redditisfun anyway. better go donate to the charity or buy yourself a nice burger.
|
yta. that money is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of donated money.
that little sum to them is a huge sum to your family.
**yta, that money will never be enough to even scratch the surface. i say this as someone with a genetic condition that cant be cured.**
i would trade 1b useless research dollars that will likely never benefit me for an extra few hundred a month...if i had a kid i wouldnt think twice of giving them that money.
i can see the issue with it feeling separated from your wife/child - but it is not.
|
nah, but op i have a different take on the situation that i think you should read.
i think the idea of splitting half and half the amount that some have suggested may sound wise, but ultimately it won't solve anything if its not done for the right reasons.
my intuition is that for your wife, maybe consciously, maybe unconsciously, it has nothing to do with the amount, but the gesture in itself.
i've been in the fortunate (or unfortunate) position in life where i've had many conversations with people terminally ill about how they'd want to be remembered amongst other topics. a fear that many shared was that their loved ones, when remembering them, would chiefly focus on the feelings of sadness and melancholy linked with their passing instead of the joy and happiness that the deceased brought and shared with them.
regardless of if you believe in an after-life, you honoured your daughter by loving her and being there for her when she was with you. even as an infant, the best and most important gift you could give her was you total love and devotion during her lifetime. all you have left now is your own memories of that time and how your choose to remember them.
life has given you an opportunity, or an event, to entice you to explore resolving how you'll look back at the memories of your daughter.
not forgetting her, but deciding how she will impact your life going forward.
loving you as much as you love her now, your wife nudging you towards finding peace with your late daughter's memory is complicated by the fact that it is also in the self-interest of your step-daughter within the context of your present situation. needless to say, it's a difficult situation for her right now.
so, to help guide you maybe, let me ask you this question op: *if your late-daughter was magically able to voice her opinion on the matter as a mature young adult raised with your values, love and moral beliefs, knowing everything you know of your current predicament and how you truly feel about your wife and your step-daughter, her sister in a way, what would she want you to do you think?*
|
yta. charity begins at home. you have a needy student right in front of you.
|
[deleted]
|
nah it’s your money, you can do what you want with it. i do think your wife has a point though and you might feel a bit differently in the year it takes for the investments to mature.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.638248
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter passed away 6 years ago fighting a rare genetic condition. the condition was also responsible for my late wife's death when my daughter was only an infant. i don't want to discuss anything related to that now. let me talk about the issue at hand. i'm now married to my amazing wife. i have a stepdaughter who will be starting high school shortly. i made a lot of investments for my late daughter. i thought i could give her a head start in life. but that never happened. so i decided to donate the money to a charity ( which helps kids with genetic disorders ). the investments i made mature in an year and i plan on donating all of it. now my wife wants me to use the money for my stepdaughter. she tells me that this will help her have a head start in life and that would partially fulfill the purpose of the investments. she thinks this will also help us finance her college education. she doesn't want her getting bogged down by loans, which is a sound argument. i love my stepdaughter, but i don't think i'm ready to do this. i want to donate the money. wibta here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter passed away 6 years ago fighting a rare genetic condition. the condition was also responsible for my late wife's death when my daughter was only an infant. i don't want to discuss anything related to that now. let me talk about the issue at hand. i'm now married to my amazing wife. i have a stepdaughter who will be starting high school shortly. i made a lot of investments for my late daughter. i thought i could give her a head start in life. but that never happened. so i decided to donate the money to a charity ( which helps kids with genetic disorders ). the investments i made mature in an year and i plan on donating all of it. now my wife wants me to use the money for my stepdaughter. she tells me that this will help her have a head start in life and that would partially fulfill the purpose of the investments. she thinks this will also help us finance her college education. she doesn't want her getting bogged down by loans, which is a sound argument. i love my stepdaughter, but i don't think i'm ready to do this. i want to donate the money. wibta here? [/INST] nah, i completely see both sides and they're both valid. i think an obvious compromise would be donate half and give step daughter half. </s>
|
Aita for giving a woman a taste of her own behavior
|
i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud.
to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in.
after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show.
i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones.
she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones.
i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds.
i have never seen someone storm off so mad.
quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left.
| 26,611
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aphmhd/aita_for_giving_a_woman_a_taste_of_her_own/
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2019-02-11 15:58:46
|
nta.
i'm glad you did it. fuck her and everyone like her.
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nta - please crosspost to /r/pettyrevenge :)
|
nta because you didn't start with trying to fight fire with fire.
first you ignored her.
then you asked her not to.
it was only when both of these failed that you gave her a taste of her own medicine. you were as reasonable as can be expected in this situation.
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nta. i think you handled the situation well. some people are really crazy.
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nta, but jesus christ, i feel bad about the people caught in the crossfire! if she hadn’t have left, what was your plan? if she hadn’t left i would’ve said esh for making those other poor bastards have to listen to twice as much shit lol
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ymh. yes my hero. thanks for doing that, keep doing things like it to people who deserve it. you're the passive aggressive hero we need.
&#x200b;
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nta. glad you stood up to that insufferable behavior. i hate when people do that.
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am i the asshole for dishing some sweet epic justice to a lady and then everyone stood up and clapped?
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nta. yeah, she was clearly rude. and you were a bit rude back but it wasn't out of proportion. and it worked, and the people around you were probably glad she moved along.
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nta. hopefully she'll invest in some headphones now.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud. to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in. after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show. i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones. she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones. i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds. i have never seen someone storm off so mad. quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud. to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in. after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show. i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones. she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones. i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds. i have never seen someone storm off so mad. quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left. [/INST] nta. i'm glad you did it. fuck her and everyone like her. </s>
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AITA for walking out of my son’s therapy appointment after him and his therapist blamed me for his homophobia?
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i came out as gay three years ago at 38 years old. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, and i still can’t believe i had the strength to do so. i have faced backlash from my community, my friends, and my family, but i have learned to love myself and not blame myself anymore.
before i was out i was married to a man. we had two kids together, but obviously divorced when i came out. two weeks ago , my son got expelled from his private school because him and his friends left disgusting notes in a gay kid’s locker. the notes said “f*g” “ladyboy” “tw*nk” “aids” and other disgusting things.
obviously, i was beyond hurt and disappointed at brian’s behavior. when i tried to talk to him, he said he “wouldn’t act this way if i wasn’t a f*cking d*ke”. at this point, i realized his behavior was out of control decided to get him into a therapy appointment.
we went to therapy yesterday, and brian said that the reason he lashed out was because *i* gave him negative associations with being gay because i hurt his father. i expected the therapist to shut that down instead of using the divorce as an excuse for homophobia (which is why i booked the appointment in the first place), but he never did that. he just made brian talk more about how my gayness hurt his life.
i left the appointment. reddit, i am tired of being told that who i am justifies hate and homophobia in my loved ones. i already dealt with depression and alienation during that first year and i will not blame myself again. i love my son more than anything, but there is no “good reason” for homophobia and bullying. and i refuse to entertain a conversation that makes it seem like having a gay mom is a reasonable reason to be a homophobe.
my ex texted me colorful words and told me that i’m not doing our son any favors, but i honestly don’t think it’s fair for me to have to sit there while his homophobia was being justified. aita here?
| 10,276
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fmi0lp/aita_for_walking_out_of_my_sons_therapy/
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2020-03-21 16:53:51
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yta - part of therapy is first getting the subject to communicate what the underlying issues as they see them are. the therapist wasn't condoning what your son said or did, they were allowing them a safe space in which to open up and explore their underlying issues. by walking out you set the therapy back by making it clear that the space was not a safe one for your son to talk openly.
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>we went to therapy yesterday, and brian said that the reason he lashed out was because i gave him negative associations with being gay because i hurt his father.
this is how your son feels. that is what you're trying to change.
>i expected the therapist to shut that down instead of using the divorce as an excuse for homophobia
the therapist is not there to shut down on your son's feelings. he's there to get him to talk about his feelings.
>which is why i booked the appointment in the first place
yes, but you're not a therapist, or your son's therapist. let them work together.
>but he never did that. he just made brian talk more about how my gayness hurt his life.
*of course he did!* he's there to get your son to *talk about his feelings!* that's his job, and he's doing it. and you:
>left the appointment.
**yta.** he needs to be able to express his emotions. not feel like he has to shut them down. he has to be able to speak freely with his therapist. the therapist needs to gain your son's trust. he won't do that if he:
>shut that down instead
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yta. the therapist is trying to help your son work through his feelings, but you just had to make it about *you*. until you deal with the giant chip on your shoulder you will continue to hurt people around you, including your son.
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yta
therapists aren't there to change someone or fix them. especially not in 1 session, that's impossible. a therapist is meant to understand a person and there ideals and help them reach for a healthier mindset. your sons therapist was trying to understand where his pain came from and because your ego got in the way he missed that opportunity. you proved that you being gay was more important than your sons mental health.
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yta - if you expected the therapist to come down on your son for acting out, or to wave the magic therapy wand and make your son suddenly understanding and filled with cotton candy and puppies, you are the problem.
the therapist wasn’t there for you. the therapist was there for your son. you shouldn’t have even been in the room and i’m surprised the therapist let you attend a session for your *son*.
the therapist was getting data. the therapist cannot help if they don’t have data. getting your son to talk in a judgment-free zone, seeing what he said about his pain, was the therapist establishing trust and getting that data.
i understand you’ve been through a lot but you are not the only one hurting. your ex was hurt, your children were hurt. it’s a shitty situation all the way around but expecting them to just be okay with their entire world crumbling around them is short-sighted at best and narcissistic delusions at worst.
you fucked this up. big time.
you’re the asshole.
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yta because it is not about homophobia. it is about being a kid whose family got destroyed. you still have to take responsibility for that. being gay is besides the point here
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yes yta that is how therapy works. the first step is getting him to say in your own words “your gayness hurts his life” and the second step is making him realize that in fact the things he list are not truely hurting his life. you make them list why they “need something” in this case homophobic behavior then explain and show why they don’t need it, you can’t fix damaged and repressed emotions without exposing them.
therapy in general isn’t pleasant, isn’t nice, doesn’t care about how you feel and in the end will only work if your son wants to change.
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info: did the therapist blame you or just not address the statement?
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yta. the therapist is right.
>he just made brian talk more about how my gayness hurt his life.
you made the decision to end your marriage and break up your family. it doesn't matter the reason for the end of your marriage. even if you just fell out of love, your son would still find a reason to blame you. it's not that he's homophobic, it's that he's hurt at the end of the family he's known.
>i expected the therapist to shut that down
therapists aren't supposed to shush their patients, they let them talk through their thoughts.
you want your son to automatically be okay and accept your life choices, which isn't going to happen. your actions affect his life, stop being so selfish and thinking your choices are made in a vacuum. he needs time to get used to this new life with divorced parents.
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yta. look you had every right to come out and to live happlily. but that doesn't negate your kid being hurt by the major disruption in his life. is he responding well to that hurt? no, absolutely not. but that's why he's in therapy - not to shut down those conversations, but to have constructive conversations where he can voice problematic thoughts and feelings and work through them.
therapy isn't going to magically fix your kid without some hard work and potentially difficult discussions.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i came out as gay three years ago at 38 years old. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, and i still can’t believe i had the strength to do so. i have faced backlash from my community, my friends, and my family, but i have learned to love myself and not blame myself anymore. before i was out i was married to a man. we had two kids together, but obviously divorced when i came out. two weeks ago , my son got expelled from his private school because him and his friends left disgusting notes in a gay kid’s locker. the notes said “f*g” “ladyboy” “tw*nk” “aids” and other disgusting things. obviously, i was beyond hurt and disappointed at brian’s behavior. when i tried to talk to him, he said he “wouldn’t act this way if i wasn’t a f*cking d*ke”. at this point, i realized his behavior was out of control decided to get him into a therapy appointment. we went to therapy yesterday, and brian said that the reason he lashed out was because *i* gave him negative associations with being gay because i hurt his father. i expected the therapist to shut that down instead of using the divorce as an excuse for homophobia (which is why i booked the appointment in the first place), but he never did that. he just made brian talk more about how my gayness hurt his life. i left the appointment. reddit, i am tired of being told that who i am justifies hate and homophobia in my loved ones. i already dealt with depression and alienation during that first year and i will not blame myself again. i love my son more than anything, but there is no “good reason” for homophobia and bullying. and i refuse to entertain a conversation that makes it seem like having a gay mom is a reasonable reason to be a homophobe. my ex texted me colorful words and told me that i’m not doing our son any favors, but i honestly don’t think it’s fair for me to have to sit there while his homophobia was being justified. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i came out as gay three years ago at 38 years old. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, and i still can’t believe i had the strength to do so. i have faced backlash from my community, my friends, and my family, but i have learned to love myself and not blame myself anymore. before i was out i was married to a man. we had two kids together, but obviously divorced when i came out. two weeks ago , my son got expelled from his private school because him and his friends left disgusting notes in a gay kid’s locker. the notes said “f*g” “ladyboy” “tw*nk” “aids” and other disgusting things. obviously, i was beyond hurt and disappointed at brian’s behavior. when i tried to talk to him, he said he “wouldn’t act this way if i wasn’t a f*cking d*ke”. at this point, i realized his behavior was out of control decided to get him into a therapy appointment. we went to therapy yesterday, and brian said that the reason he lashed out was because *i* gave him negative associations with being gay because i hurt his father. i expected the therapist to shut that down instead of using the divorce as an excuse for homophobia (which is why i booked the appointment in the first place), but he never did that. he just made brian talk more about how my gayness hurt his life. i left the appointment. reddit, i am tired of being told that who i am justifies hate and homophobia in my loved ones. i already dealt with depression and alienation during that first year and i will not blame myself again. i love my son more than anything, but there is no “good reason” for homophobia and bullying. and i refuse to entertain a conversation that makes it seem like having a gay mom is a reasonable reason to be a homophobe. my ex texted me colorful words and told me that i’m not doing our son any favors, but i honestly don’t think it’s fair for me to have to sit there while his homophobia was being justified. aita here? [/INST] yta - part of therapy is first getting the subject to communicate what the underlying issues as they see them are. the therapist wasn't condoning what your son said or did, they were allowing them a safe space in which to open up and explore their underlying issues. by walking out you set the therapy back by making it clear that the space was not a safe one for your son to talk openly. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend she should understand I'm going to pick my husband over her every time?
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i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky.
last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them.
then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend.
she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time.
there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule.
i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia.
i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be.
aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend?
| 9,972
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jd4bm1/aita_for_telling_my_friend_she_should_understand/
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2020-10-17 22:13:59
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yta it's not "putting your husband second" to honor your commitments. you and amelia had planned this for weeks and you're running out of chances to do this seasonal activity. you let your friend down and she's right. you don't want a friend, you just want an option for when your husband is busy.
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yta. you can’t continuously cancel on people and think that’s ok. i think we know why you don’t have many friendships
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yta - i’m married myself so my spouse comes first but i don’t take a dump on someone else’s schedule. that’s what you do when you cancel on her all of a sudden.
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you're not putting your husband first, you're making plans with someone and then canceling because your husband decided last minute to have a date night, multiple times. that's not okay. don't make plans if you know you'll just blow her off if hubby is available. yta
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yta she sounds like she has def been understanding and willing to meet you halfway as far as being understanding and not getting upset. but there's a difference between choosing your husband because you have to and you want to. ok great he has the whole day off.... you already committed to plans. personally i don't find it surprising you don't have any genuine friendships. and it's great that you have an amazing marriage but let's hope for your sake it always stays that way because if not you will have burnt all your bridges as far as having a support system there for you. you sound like you have some co dependancy issues with your husband. you're supposed to mesh your life with someones when you marry them, not forget that you are still entirely your own person.
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yta
don’t be a flake. you started the whole post by talking about how it’s hard for you to make friends, only to treat the only friend you seemingly have badly.
sounds like all you need is your husband.
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yta - listen, i'm a single friend in a group of married or soon to be married people. when we make plans, they show up. sure, sometimes we have to cancel on each other because life comes up, but that's different than cancelling just because.
you're not "putting your spouse first." you're treating your single friend like she's absolutely nothing to you. good on your friend for putting her foot down, honestly.
|
info
does your husband know you're blowing off your so-called friend every time he expresses even the most minor interest in spending time with you?
if i were i your husband i'd be mortified that my casual "hey, you want to do something tonight?" was being used as fuel to cancel last-minute over, and over, and over again.
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yta. this isn't "putting your husband first", this is you being flaky and unreliable to a friend when you've made plans in advance.
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yta and i think i know why you have trouble making and keeping friends. making plans with someone and then dropping them the instant your husband is free is pretty poor behavior. it's not about putting your friend before your husband, it's about honoring your commitments.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky. last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them. then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend. she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time. there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule. i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia. i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be. aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky. last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them. then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend. she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time. there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule. i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia. i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be. aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend? [/INST] yta it's not "putting your husband second" to honor your commitments. you and amelia had planned this for weeks and you're running out of chances to do this seasonal activity. you let your friend down and she's right. you don't want a friend, you just want an option for when your husband is busy. </s>
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AITA for reporting the pizza delivery guy for sliding a note under my girlfriend's door.
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*situation*
i (m28) was spending the weekend with my girlfriend at her place. we decided to order some pizza and she ordered from her usual restuarant.
when the delivery guy arrived, i opened the door and he looked at me confused then proceeded to ask where (girlfriend's name) was. i said "excuse me" and asked why he was asking and he said nothing, it was just that he's used to deliver pizza to her and this is the first he saw me so he thought she moved. i told him she was busy then took the pizza and gave him money and while i was turning i saw him still standing. i asked how can i help and he said "don't mind me i'm just standing here waiting ". i told him he shouldn't keep standing outside like that and he rudely said it wasn't my property. i got angry but didn't want to escalate so i said this wasn't public property and he should leave. i then went inside and shut the door.
10 minutes later, i caught a note getting slid under the door. i went to look and opened the door and saw the pizza guy going downstairs. i stopped him immediately and then read what the note said. he kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn't see her this time. i asked if he left this note just to confirm then told him i'd report him to his boss for this behavior. he said this wasn't for me and i'm not the owner of this place so it was non of my business. we argued loud enough for my girlfriend to come out.
i told her what he did and she told me to leave it alone and go back inside. i said alright then, but soon as i walked in i called his workplace and wanted to speak to the manager. i told him what that guy did and he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore. don't know if he was just telling me what i wanted to heat but when i told my girlfriend, she got mad saying i shouldn't have done this and escalated by getting the dude fired. i asked if she was okay with what he did and she said no but now she can no longer order from this restaurent as they block any customer that complains. i said maybe good riddance then?. she said i overreacted and had no right to do this when it's not even my apartment. i didn't know what to say but she completely shut down and refused to talk to me except to say i'm being too insecure and petty.
edit | something else is going on? i don't know but from his attitude it did seem like he knew her well enough to act this comfortably. i tried to talk to him like asking if i could help but he shut me down completely acting like i'm not even there. i wanted to get more clarification from my girlfriend but she refused and i didn't want to pressure her.
also, i doubt that the guy lost his job and also doubt my girlfriend was "blocked" as a customer. as for the note, it was him addressing her directly saying he's worried and that he was sad he didn't get to see her.
| 13,823
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tykl4n/aita_for_reporting_the_pizza_delivery_guy_for/
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2022-04-07 19:22:00
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info am i the only one that wants to know what he wrote on the note?
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it's your girlfriend's apartment. your girlfriend placed the order. it is your girlfriend's relationship with the pizza guy (not implying anything intimate here, just the routine interactions we have with the minor players in our lives). the note was to your girlfriend. your girlfriend asked you to drop it.
if you girlfriend had been upset by this guy's behavior, i'd say not the ah. in a vacuum it sounds creepy. however, the only time she indicated she didn't approve of this was when you were in a white hot rage immediately after having gotten someone fired, which, you know, isn't when someone is going to say they like someone else's attention. you took it upon yourself to grab your girlfriend's letter without even letting her read it first. you took it upon yourself to chase some guy away. you took it upon yourself to get the dude fired even after your girlfriend told you she wanted you to leave it alone. you lied to your girlfriend about agreeing to leave it alone. so this didn't happen in a vacuum. maybe she's been complaining to the delivery guy about her controlling boyfriend and he legitimately was worried about her? i've never even met you and you sound controlling and worrisome to me.
if you are worried that someone you loved is being stalked by a creeper and doesn't realize it, the way to handle it is a conversation, not by being even more creepily possessive and scarier than the potential stalker.
if you are worried that your girlfriend and the pizza guy are getting too flirty, the way to handle it is with a conversation with your girlfriend, possibly a breakup, not by getting the guy fired.
yta
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man...this is a hard one to judge because i get why you reacted the way you did because pizza guy is way out of line but i also get where your girlfriend is coming from.
women have to be very very careful in how we interact with men, especially men who know where we live.
you now have a situation where a man who makes bad choices when it comes to interacting with women has now possibly been fired from his job, he knows it is because of your girlfriend and he knows where she lives. he has the potential to present a very real threat to your girlfriend's safety.
so i guess slightly yta because you escalated the situation every step without taking in account the possible danger your girlfriend will now be in...but its not your fault you didn't realize this because you don't have the experience women do with having to be careful in how we deal with men because we have to consider whether he is going to hurt us.
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nta, i am a pizza delivery driver / maker…. he was way out of bounds. and super creepy that he interacts with regulars that way, i am always nice and chit chat, but i never stay longer than a minute or so after the transaction, i’m on the clock and have deliveries to make, i’ll see you next delivery
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anyone saying yta or esh is actually stupid. he’s a pizza man, he takes the pizza, goes to the address, hands off pizza, collects money. anything beyond that is creepy and out of line.
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nta
people: men need to call out other men when they're being creeps!
also people: wow, i honestly can't believe you did that. how dare you?
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nta. he crossed a line with the note. friendly banter with the delivery guy doesn’t make you a friend and he shouldn’t have acted like a jealous stalker. gf needs to recognize that his behavior was scary. this person knows where she lives. i hope this is the last you see of him and him getting fired doesn’t make things worse.
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>he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore.
no investigation or anything? just a random guy calls and complains and the manager just instantly fires him and tells the random person on the phone that too?
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more information needed.
why was he so worried about her? could he hear yelling and screaming as he approached the door? were your knuckles bloody and your arms scratched? why wasn’t she answering the door herself? was her face swollen and her neck bruised?
i’m asking because you really overreacted, even if he was being a little weird. which makes you sound controlling and aggressive… which makes me wonder if the delivery guy was right to worry.
|
nta. dudes a creep. had a doordash delivery once from what was suppose to be a woman, but turned out to be a man. everything was fine until he texted my wife's phone after he left saying "hey this is calvin the guy that just delivered your food. i don't know your situation and i normally wouldn't do this but i felt something as we are both at the door there. anyway if you want you can text me at (phone number)."
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.691271
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: *situation* i (m28) was spending the weekend with my girlfriend at her place. we decided to order some pizza and she ordered from her usual restuarant. when the delivery guy arrived, i opened the door and he looked at me confused then proceeded to ask where (girlfriend's name) was. i said "excuse me" and asked why he was asking and he said nothing, it was just that he's used to deliver pizza to her and this is the first he saw me so he thought she moved. i told him she was busy then took the pizza and gave him money and while i was turning i saw him still standing. i asked how can i help and he said "don't mind me i'm just standing here waiting ". i told him he shouldn't keep standing outside like that and he rudely said it wasn't my property. i got angry but didn't want to escalate so i said this wasn't public property and he should leave. i then went inside and shut the door. 10 minutes later, i caught a note getting slid under the door. i went to look and opened the door and saw the pizza guy going downstairs. i stopped him immediately and then read what the note said. he kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn't see her this time. i asked if he left this note just to confirm then told him i'd report him to his boss for this behavior. he said this wasn't for me and i'm not the owner of this place so it was non of my business. we argued loud enough for my girlfriend to come out. i told her what he did and she told me to leave it alone and go back inside. i said alright then, but soon as i walked in i called his workplace and wanted to speak to the manager. i told him what that guy did and he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore. don't know if he was just telling me what i wanted to heat but when i told my girlfriend, she got mad saying i shouldn't have done this and escalated by getting the dude fired. i asked if she was okay with what he did and she said no but now she can no longer order from this restaurent as they block any customer that complains. i said maybe good riddance then?. she said i overreacted and had no right to do this when it's not even my apartment. i didn't know what to say but she completely shut down and refused to talk to me except to say i'm being too insecure and petty. edit | something else is going on? i don't know but from his attitude it did seem like he knew her well enough to act this comfortably. i tried to talk to him like asking if i could help but he shut me down completely acting like i'm not even there. i wanted to get more clarification from my girlfriend but she refused and i didn't want to pressure her. also, i doubt that the guy lost his job and also doubt my girlfriend was "blocked" as a customer. as for the note, it was him addressing her directly saying he's worried and that he was sad he didn't get to see her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
*situation* i (m28) was spending the weekend with my girlfriend at her place. we decided to order some pizza and she ordered from her usual restuarant. when the delivery guy arrived, i opened the door and he looked at me confused then proceeded to ask where (girlfriend's name) was. i said "excuse me" and asked why he was asking and he said nothing, it was just that he's used to deliver pizza to her and this is the first he saw me so he thought she moved. i told him she was busy then took the pizza and gave him money and while i was turning i saw him still standing. i asked how can i help and he said "don't mind me i'm just standing here waiting ". i told him he shouldn't keep standing outside like that and he rudely said it wasn't my property. i got angry but didn't want to escalate so i said this wasn't public property and he should leave. i then went inside and shut the door. 10 minutes later, i caught a note getting slid under the door. i went to look and opened the door and saw the pizza guy going downstairs. i stopped him immediately and then read what the note said. he kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn't see her this time. i asked if he left this note just to confirm then told him i'd report him to his boss for this behavior. he said this wasn't for me and i'm not the owner of this place so it was non of my business. we argued loud enough for my girlfriend to come out. i told her what he did and she told me to leave it alone and go back inside. i said alright then, but soon as i walked in i called his workplace and wanted to speak to the manager. i told him what that guy did and he promised to take care of it and said that he won't working for them anymore. don't know if he was just telling me what i wanted to heat but when i told my girlfriend, she got mad saying i shouldn't have done this and escalated by getting the dude fired. i asked if she was okay with what he did and she said no but now she can no longer order from this restaurent as they block any customer that complains. i said maybe good riddance then?. she said i overreacted and had no right to do this when it's not even my apartment. i didn't know what to say but she completely shut down and refused to talk to me except to say i'm being too insecure and petty. edit | something else is going on? i don't know but from his attitude it did seem like he knew her well enough to act this comfortably. i tried to talk to him like asking if i could help but he shut me down completely acting like i'm not even there. i wanted to get more clarification from my girlfriend but she refused and i didn't want to pressure her. also, i doubt that the guy lost his job and also doubt my girlfriend was "blocked" as a customer. as for the note, it was him addressing her directly saying he's worried and that he was sad he didn't get to see her. [/INST] info am i the only one that wants to know what he wrote on the note? </s>
|
AITA for lying about why my husband left me?
|
so my (soon to be ex) husband (27) and i (24 f) were talking near the beginning of this whole virus situation and he said it was the perfect time to try for a child, since i was home so much anyways and i laughed. i'm a medical student, and theres no way im putting my studies on hold, especially when we both agreed we didn't want kids anyway. he's also the last person who would be responsible enough for a child, so i really did think it was a joke.
well, a week later he told me that he didn't like how i belittled his opinion and that i always put my career above his needs and since we were clearly not on the same page, we were better off apart. i was shocked, and suddenly homeless, drove to a friends house in a daze and stayed with her family until my brother could pick me up. later i found out that husband got a gf ( he says otherwise, but there was definitely some overlap with our marriage)
i live with my mom rn and she's been trying to get us to mend things (she loves husband) .i didnt tell her about the kids issue because she would only agree with him and start on her 'dont be selfish, kids are a blessing, what about my grandbabies' spiel and thats not something i want to deal with ever. she also doesnt think the side chick is 'as big an issue im making it out to be' (she believes his bs story) and has been trying to get us into couples therapy.
husbands gf left him and now my mom has been pestering me non stop to try again because he 'really didnt cheat on me, he was a free man when they got together'blah blah bullshit . so, i 'confessed' to a made up affair i had months ago and said that i couldnt bear living with him because of the guilt and some other shit and now she's mad at me but no longer interested in forcing a reconciliation. i took that as a total win, but my brother (who knows the truth) called me and told me that i needed to stop acting like a child because my lies hurt my mom deeply and i should have let her believe there was a chance for us to get back together if it made her happy. i know its immature and i feel really bad that she's going through this but i really needed to get her off my back and thinking i was spoiled goods was a sure way to do that. aita?
| 1,811
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gopwri/aita_for_lying_about_why_my_husband_left_me/
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2020-05-22 19:21:46
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esh. mom sucks for continually pressuring you to get back together with the ex husband (usually not a great idea in general) and you suck for coming up with a lie that does nothing but make you look infinitely worse than if you had just said something like “we had an irreconcilable disagreement on the issue of kids and it was a dealbreaker, please stop trying to get us back together”. claiming that you cheated might have gotten your mom off your back, but now she (and presumably any other relatives/friends she tells about it) thinks that you cheated on your ex, who they believe has done nothing wrong.
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you would rather your mother think you are a cheater than to know you don’t want children and neither did your husband until that moment. which i think was your husband way out and would have freaked the heck out of you had agreed to having a baby. weird.
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esh - but you need to come clean about the cheating. someone is going to mention it to the next person you date and it's going to paint you as a cheater for the rest of your life. you definitely don't want to try and explain to everyone that you are not a cheater, but a liar. bad bad bad position to put yourself in.
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nta - your mother is ta for accepting his real cheating and punishing you for your fictional cheating.
tell her the truth then tell her to suck it.
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lol. nta but do yourself a favor and tell everyone else now it's none of their business what happens in regards to that. because there will come a point brother is going to fess up to the real reason and it will be so much worse. set up boundries now to hold back the mother storm coming.
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esh. your husband for extremely obvious reasons, but also you for at 24 years old being so scared of your mother that you'd rather make up a huge lie than tell the truth and tolerate her disapproval. that's something a child does, not a highly educated grown ass woman in charge of her own life.
truth be told, i think the crux of the matter is that you and your husband married too young before you were really established in life, and now that you're older, have realized that the things you want out of marriage and your lives are no longer compatible. this happens to a lot of couples who marry young, so you're far from being the first, and there's no shame in it. hopefully you and your stbx will have a relatively uncomplicated divorce, and can each move on with your own lives and ultimately be much happier.
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nta
it is truly nobody's business.
your husband abandoned you and got a girlfriend while he still has a wife.
you dont breakup in marriage so unless a divorce has happened, yes - there is overlap.
he betrayed you and disrespected you because you didn't want to do what he wanted and didn't like being told no or how you said no.
your marriage has been irrevocably damaged and how dare your mother side with the person who hurt you instead of you - the person who was hurt.
and then only stopped pushing for reconciliation once it seemed you hurt him?!? and is mad at you for hurting him?!?!
the issue is far beyond the lie you told but the fact that you had to tell this lie in the first place for your feelings, wants and needs to matter to your mother - which they still don't but now she can see why he wouldn't want you - so she is giving up.
incredibly sad and heartbreaking that you had to go to this extremeto be able to not feel pressured by your mother to go back with someone that has hurt you.
luckily you love and respect yourself enough to matter to yourself - and everyone saying that your feelings shouldn't and don't matter compared to your husbands' can suck rocks.
your marriage, your pain - not their business. get your divorce and then clear up any misunderstandings if you so choose. this will be a blessing.
nta
|
esh. your husband sucks for the bullshit he pulled, manufacturing an issue to cover for his affair. your mom sucks for pushing you to get back together with your ex. you suck for your lie. your brother sucks for thinking you should have let your mom think the relationship may be fixable when it isn't (he's not upset you lied, he'd just prefer a different lie).
also, info: why were you homeless? your husband is the one that wanted space, shouldn't he have left?
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none of you seem mature enough to actually to married. yta
|
esh. your mom needs to back off, your brother needs to back off as well, and you need to stop lying. all you need to say is ‘we have irreconcilable differences and are no longer compatible enough to remain married’ and your mom should respect that enough. plus you’re only 24, you have years to have a baby if you want to. also, your brother shouldn’t be enabling your mom to think you can reconcile with your ex. i’d fess up to your lies but also make it a point that you are not looking to getting back together with your ex.
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.679453
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my (soon to be ex) husband (27) and i (24 f) were talking near the beginning of this whole virus situation and he said it was the perfect time to try for a child, since i was home so much anyways and i laughed. i'm a medical student, and theres no way im putting my studies on hold, especially when we both agreed we didn't want kids anyway. he's also the last person who would be responsible enough for a child, so i really did think it was a joke. well, a week later he told me that he didn't like how i belittled his opinion and that i always put my career above his needs and since we were clearly not on the same page, we were better off apart. i was shocked, and suddenly homeless, drove to a friends house in a daze and stayed with her family until my brother could pick me up. later i found out that husband got a gf ( he says otherwise, but there was definitely some overlap with our marriage) i live with my mom rn and she's been trying to get us to mend things (she loves husband) .i didnt tell her about the kids issue because she would only agree with him and start on her 'dont be selfish, kids are a blessing, what about my grandbabies' spiel and thats not something i want to deal with ever. she also doesnt think the side chick is 'as big an issue im making it out to be' (she believes his bs story) and has been trying to get us into couples therapy. husbands gf left him and now my mom has been pestering me non stop to try again because he 'really didnt cheat on me, he was a free man when they got together'blah blah bullshit . so, i 'confessed' to a made up affair i had months ago and said that i couldnt bear living with him because of the guilt and some other shit and now she's mad at me but no longer interested in forcing a reconciliation. i took that as a total win, but my brother (who knows the truth) called me and told me that i needed to stop acting like a child because my lies hurt my mom deeply and i should have let her believe there was a chance for us to get back together if it made her happy. i know its immature and i feel really bad that she's going through this but i really needed to get her off my back and thinking i was spoiled goods was a sure way to do that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my (soon to be ex) husband (27) and i (24 f) were talking near the beginning of this whole virus situation and he said it was the perfect time to try for a child, since i was home so much anyways and i laughed. i'm a medical student, and theres no way im putting my studies on hold, especially when we both agreed we didn't want kids anyway. he's also the last person who would be responsible enough for a child, so i really did think it was a joke. well, a week later he told me that he didn't like how i belittled his opinion and that i always put my career above his needs and since we were clearly not on the same page, we were better off apart. i was shocked, and suddenly homeless, drove to a friends house in a daze and stayed with her family until my brother could pick me up. later i found out that husband got a gf ( he says otherwise, but there was definitely some overlap with our marriage) i live with my mom rn and she's been trying to get us to mend things (she loves husband) .i didnt tell her about the kids issue because she would only agree with him and start on her 'dont be selfish, kids are a blessing, what about my grandbabies' spiel and thats not something i want to deal with ever. she also doesnt think the side chick is 'as big an issue im making it out to be' (she believes his bs story) and has been trying to get us into couples therapy. husbands gf left him and now my mom has been pestering me non stop to try again because he 'really didnt cheat on me, he was a free man when they got together'blah blah bullshit . so, i 'confessed' to a made up affair i had months ago and said that i couldnt bear living with him because of the guilt and some other shit and now she's mad at me but no longer interested in forcing a reconciliation. i took that as a total win, but my brother (who knows the truth) called me and told me that i needed to stop acting like a child because my lies hurt my mom deeply and i should have let her believe there was a chance for us to get back together if it made her happy. i know its immature and i feel really bad that she's going through this but i really needed to get her off my back and thinking i was spoiled goods was a sure way to do that. aita? [/INST] esh. mom sucks for continually pressuring you to get back together with the ex husband (usually not a great idea in general) and you suck for coming up with a lie that does nothing but make you look infinitely worse than if you had just said something like “we had an irreconcilable disagreement on the issue of kids and it was a dealbreaker, please stop trying to get us back together”. claiming that you cheated might have gotten your mom off your back, but now she (and presumably any other relatives/friends she tells about it) thinks that you cheated on your ex, who they believe has done nothing wrong. </s>
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AITA for not telling my husband that our baby was kicking?
|
i (29f) have had a fear of pregnancy my entire life. my husband (27m) has always wanted a family. we compromised and decided to use a surrogate, but i ended up pregnant before we could put our plans in motion. my husband was very hesitant - his mother shared similar views to me on pregnancy and their relationship is very sour because of it. we both went to therapy, individually and together, had a lot of talks, and we decided to go through with it.
i'm warming up to a lot of this, but one hard boundary for me is i don't want people touching my stomach. it's even hard at the doctor's office but i do it because it's for the good of our child. i've articulated this boundary to my husband and even though it was upsetting to him, he respects it, for my benefit.
i've been feeling baby kick for about 3 weeks now, but i haven't told my husband about it. i'm just afraid that he would push the boundary or feel left out, so i've just been keeping it to myself.
we've rarely been able to go to appointments together, so thursday was the first in several weeks we were able to attend together. my husband mentioned he was worried that i was so late in pregnancy without feeling any movement and the ob got very concerned, asking me if i "felt the kicks dropping off." i told her no, everything was fine, and even though my husband didn't say anything, i could tell he put everything together.
he was silent for the rest of the appointment and the whole ride home. he asked why i lied to him and i told him just what i said here. he accused me of not trusting him to respect my boundaries and said he needed to stay at a friend's that night. he came home yesterday and apologized for leaving but said it was a very serious violation of his trust. he even told me "if you can't be honest about this, how do i know you'll be honest when you're in labor? or if something bad happens?" that felt harsh to me. those are real emergencies. this wasn't.
he says it is hard for him already to know he has been completely shut out of the bonding process - which i don't think is fair at all - and that being treated like this has upset him further. i felt that he was exaggerating. i talked it over with my mom and she agreed that i was harsh to him and should've at least let him feel once and told him when it was happening, so he could feel included. that's too much to me. i don't feel comfortable putting the boundary down at all and i feel like that gives him the opportunity to push it.
was i in the wrong? am i being outrageous?
aita for not telling my husband when our baby was kicking?
&#x200b;
| 1,824
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yn527x/aita_for_not_telling_my_husband_that_our_baby_was/
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2022-11-05 20:21:35
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esh.
this is going to end up in divorce and à kid in therapy for years.
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yta. the only way a partner gets to experience pregnancy is through information we give them, and "i felt the baby move" is pretty much the biggest bit of early pregnancy info they can get. so you didn't trust him, cut him off from learning that the baby was moving, and he's hurt. poor guy. i'd be hurt, too.
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**yta**
and i say that as someone who, despite desperately wanting children, also had an absolute genuine phobia of pregnancy and giving birth. your behaviour here makes no sense at all, even in the context of a fear of pregnancy, and is really staggeringly cold towards your husband, considering that this is the man you are supposed to love and want to raise this child in partnership with. how do you expect to deal with the intense intimacy of raising another human being together, 24/7, when you are so strongly opposed to even sharing the experience of your pregnancy with him through spoken communication?
from everything you've told us (which is what we have to judge by), there is absolutely no indication that your husband has been anything but extraordinarily respectful about your fear of pregnancy. he was all set to use a surrogate so that you could avoid it altogether, and when that didn't pan out, it seems he has been nothing but thoughtful throughout your pregnancy and given you all the space you have required. you haven't indicated that he has even once crossed a boundary. and yet you are so thoroughly mistrustful of him that you wouldn't even communicate an incredibly important milestone in the pregnancy - a significant indication of your unborn child's health, growth, and vital progress. you had no reason for this other than "he might (against all evidence) want to touch me".
...and that's the part i really don't get. i get you not wanting strangers having their hands all over you. or extended family and friends. i even get the fear of doctors. and i even get not wanting to be manhandled constantly by your husband - getting touched out is totally a thing. but for people who fear being pregnant, in my experience, having the baby move inside them is usually what is triggering. the odd reminders of pregnancy. whatever trauma you have that makes you not want your own partner to touch you at all . . . as others have noted, clearly you got pregnant, so that has not always been the case. and there's no explicable reason why your own partner touching you would trigger you with regards to the pregnancy . . . in theory, he has been touching you for years. so what gives?
no matter what, though, yta. you don't have to want to be touched - although you clearly need serious therapy - but you cannot parent or be a partner if you refuse to communicate.
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this is complicated. as much as i am all about "my body, my choice," this falls in a very gray area. your husband isn't your college buddy or even your mom he is the father of the baby. the child you share together just so happens to be growing inside of you.
if your only question is, are yta for not telling him, then yes, yta
if you're looking for advice, help me understand so i can offer you the best advice. what do you think will happen if dad touches your belly to feel his child kick? i don't think he should have left that night. he could have stayed and slept on the couch.
as for this causing trust issues, i get it. many people, myself included, feel that lying by omission is still lying. he is justified in worrying about the bigger problems because you kept a very important milestone to yourself.
again, it's a gray area, but your husband is has a right to know even if you don't want him to touch your baby belly, he still needs to be reassured that the baby was progressing appropriately.
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yta.
you and your husband are gonna disagree a lot as parents. the answer is never "withhold information because you don't want to discuss it and don't trust your partner to be reasonable" but you've set that precedent.
religion. age kid gets cell phone. does kid get birth control when they ask? does kid have to get screen time?
there are a thousand places you could disagree and that, once you get to agreement , you have to trust your partner.
trust him and, if you can't, get to a counselor.
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you two should not be having children. you both need therapy. he'll eventually get a wife that includes him in the pregnancy process. yta
|
yta.
this is so bizarre. how did you get pregnant if your husband isn't allowed to touch you? what on earth is wrong with letting him bond with his child? you sound like an absolute piece of work and i feel sorry for your husband and your unborn child.
out of curiosity, will your baby be allowed to touch you?
|
info: i need clarity on the lying aspect - did you promise to tell him as soon as you felt kicking? did he ask and you told him you hadn’t felt anything? or did you just omit to tell him?
it sounds to me like you could benefit from couples therapy where you discuss how this pregnancy is making you both feel.
|
yta. full stop.
you said that’s he’s respected your boundaries so far, and you have no way of knowing he would push those boundaries unless you have left other information out.
i’m currently 8 months along, so i get the not wanting to be touched, but my husband is the exception. my husbands way of being included and bonding is when he gets to feel the kicks and checks in with how i’m feeling.
as you’ve said, he has missed the appointments, so has potentially missed some of the exciting parts. has he been allowed to go to the ultrasounds? hear the heart beat? if not, i wouldn’t blame him for voicing his concerns.
|
yes yta a bit. you're being closed off is pushing him away. if touching your belly is a problem for you, fine, that's a clear boundry. but using that to expand his non-involvment. he can't touch plus you won't talk is pushing him away (whether you intend it or not).
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.007204
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (29f) have had a fear of pregnancy my entire life. my husband (27m) has always wanted a family. we compromised and decided to use a surrogate, but i ended up pregnant before we could put our plans in motion. my husband was very hesitant - his mother shared similar views to me on pregnancy and their relationship is very sour because of it. we both went to therapy, individually and together, had a lot of talks, and we decided to go through with it. i'm warming up to a lot of this, but one hard boundary for me is i don't want people touching my stomach. it's even hard at the doctor's office but i do it because it's for the good of our child. i've articulated this boundary to my husband and even though it was upsetting to him, he respects it, for my benefit. i've been feeling baby kick for about 3 weeks now, but i haven't told my husband about it. i'm just afraid that he would push the boundary or feel left out, so i've just been keeping it to myself. we've rarely been able to go to appointments together, so thursday was the first in several weeks we were able to attend together. my husband mentioned he was worried that i was so late in pregnancy without feeling any movement and the ob got very concerned, asking me if i "felt the kicks dropping off." i told her no, everything was fine, and even though my husband didn't say anything, i could tell he put everything together. he was silent for the rest of the appointment and the whole ride home. he asked why i lied to him and i told him just what i said here. he accused me of not trusting him to respect my boundaries and said he needed to stay at a friend's that night. he came home yesterday and apologized for leaving but said it was a very serious violation of his trust. he even told me "if you can't be honest about this, how do i know you'll be honest when you're in labor? or if something bad happens?" that felt harsh to me. those are real emergencies. this wasn't. he says it is hard for him already to know he has been completely shut out of the bonding process - which i don't think is fair at all - and that being treated like this has upset him further. i felt that he was exaggerating. i talked it over with my mom and she agreed that i was harsh to him and should've at least let him feel once and told him when it was happening, so he could feel included. that's too much to me. i don't feel comfortable putting the boundary down at all and i feel like that gives him the opportunity to push it. was i in the wrong? am i being outrageous? aita for not telling my husband when our baby was kicking? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) have had a fear of pregnancy my entire life. my husband (27m) has always wanted a family. we compromised and decided to use a surrogate, but i ended up pregnant before we could put our plans in motion. my husband was very hesitant - his mother shared similar views to me on pregnancy and their relationship is very sour because of it. we both went to therapy, individually and together, had a lot of talks, and we decided to go through with it. i'm warming up to a lot of this, but one hard boundary for me is i don't want people touching my stomach. it's even hard at the doctor's office but i do it because it's for the good of our child. i've articulated this boundary to my husband and even though it was upsetting to him, he respects it, for my benefit. i've been feeling baby kick for about 3 weeks now, but i haven't told my husband about it. i'm just afraid that he would push the boundary or feel left out, so i've just been keeping it to myself. we've rarely been able to go to appointments together, so thursday was the first in several weeks we were able to attend together. my husband mentioned he was worried that i was so late in pregnancy without feeling any movement and the ob got very concerned, asking me if i "felt the kicks dropping off." i told her no, everything was fine, and even though my husband didn't say anything, i could tell he put everything together. he was silent for the rest of the appointment and the whole ride home. he asked why i lied to him and i told him just what i said here. he accused me of not trusting him to respect my boundaries and said he needed to stay at a friend's that night. he came home yesterday and apologized for leaving but said it was a very serious violation of his trust. he even told me "if you can't be honest about this, how do i know you'll be honest when you're in labor? or if something bad happens?" that felt harsh to me. those are real emergencies. this wasn't. he says it is hard for him already to know he has been completely shut out of the bonding process - which i don't think is fair at all - and that being treated like this has upset him further. i felt that he was exaggerating. i talked it over with my mom and she agreed that i was harsh to him and should've at least let him feel once and told him when it was happening, so he could feel included. that's too much to me. i don't feel comfortable putting the boundary down at all and i feel like that gives him the opportunity to push it. was i in the wrong? am i being outrageous? aita for not telling my husband when our baby was kicking? &#x200b; [/INST] esh. this is going to end up in divorce and à kid in therapy for years. </s>
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AITA for possibly scarring my child(M12) for life? His words not mine.
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backstory: huge storm in the midwest last night and we have giant trees in the yard that would definitely crush parts of the house if they fell. sons room faces the most trees.
cast: son- tg me- m
m: *walks into son's room to unplug power strip in case of outage, sees him sleeping with his head next the window* "tg, i need you to sleep with your head on the other end of the bed."
tg: "why?"
m: "in case a tree falls during this storm you'll get a face full of glass and tree if you're on this end"
tg: "wth would you say that!? am i gonna get crushed!? would i die!? why would you tell me something i won't be able to stop thinking about all night, probably forever!? you know you pretty much scarred me for life now when it comes to storms!!" *huffs and flips to the other side of the bed*
m: "i'm sorry but i love you, goodnight."
tg: *fully sarcastic* "whatever, goodnight!"
he didn't talk to me this morning before school, and i asked him how his first day was and he said "fine" and went to his room. i feel like a total dick but also, face full of glass. so, aita and did i really scar him for life?
info: this reaction was out of character for him, he's never had signs of chronic anxiety so i wasn't gaslighting him. the trees aren't dead, they are healthy but we have been losing limbs all summer due to imo, woodpeckers, carpenter ants, and ash bore beetles. xcel energy has evaluated the transformer poles and limbs near the lines and have put us on a fix it waiting list for the past 3 months, i'm waiting impatiently. he is the one who arranged the head of his bed by the window so he could sketch the backyard during the day, he slept at the foot of his bed last night. it was his first day of 7th grade today so back to school jitters may have played a role here.
| 2,103
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/czawbx/aita_for_possibly_scarring_my_childm12_for_life/
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2019-09-03 21:07:53
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nah you were pointing out a remote but still plausible risk. he responded as 12-year-olds do: overly dramatically.
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kids are overly-dramatic, film at 11. nah.
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nah. it's a stressful situation, and kids around that age tend to be pretty angsty and argumentative (could also be nerves since the first day of the school was the next day, and there was a huge storm going on). you were just being a cautious parent.
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this made me laugh. nah. he was probably scared and lashed out. you could have stayed to reassure him a bit before you left his room.
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nah, lol - kids and preteens are incredibly overdramatic. he's gonna be fine.
it's nice to see a light hearted post on here sometimes!
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omg that's hilarious. when you go to kiss him goodnight tonight, tell him to make sure he sleeps on two pillows in case a meteor falls through the ceiling and he'll have good cushioning or something. nta.
ps: if it makes you feel any better, we were up in minneapolis with it, too. my dog was going bananas.
|
yta
if trees falling onto your home is such a likely risk that you need to rearrange sleeping positions, then you need to hire a tree company to come and evaluate/remove the dead trees that are close enough to smash your home.
having your son sleep on the other side of the bed (less than 3 feet away) is not going to prevent serious harm if a tree comes down on his bedroom. if it's that big of a risk, then find him a different room to sleep in and get a tree company asap to come evaluate your trees.
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he’s not going to be scarred for life. you know what scars people for life? a face full of glass.
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[deleted]
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wtf? if there was any danger of a tree falling, which it seems you think there was, why would you not have him sleep on the couch or something? lol i don't think he's scarred for life but it was pretty assholish to mention it right before bed. yta
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
| 0.464974
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory: huge storm in the midwest last night and we have giant trees in the yard that would definitely crush parts of the house if they fell. sons room faces the most trees. cast: son- tg me- m m: *walks into son's room to unplug power strip in case of outage, sees him sleeping with his head next the window* "tg, i need you to sleep with your head on the other end of the bed." tg: "why?" m: "in case a tree falls during this storm you'll get a face full of glass and tree if you're on this end" tg: "wth would you say that!? am i gonna get crushed!? would i die!? why would you tell me something i won't be able to stop thinking about all night, probably forever!? you know you pretty much scarred me for life now when it comes to storms!!" *huffs and flips to the other side of the bed* m: "i'm sorry but i love you, goodnight." tg: *fully sarcastic* "whatever, goodnight!" he didn't talk to me this morning before school, and i asked him how his first day was and he said "fine" and went to his room. i feel like a total dick but also, face full of glass. so, aita and did i really scar him for life? info: this reaction was out of character for him, he's never had signs of chronic anxiety so i wasn't gaslighting him. the trees aren't dead, they are healthy but we have been losing limbs all summer due to imo, woodpeckers, carpenter ants, and ash bore beetles. xcel energy has evaluated the transformer poles and limbs near the lines and have put us on a fix it waiting list for the past 3 months, i'm waiting impatiently. he is the one who arranged the head of his bed by the window so he could sketch the backyard during the day, he slept at the foot of his bed last night. it was his first day of 7th grade today so back to school jitters may have played a role here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
backstory: huge storm in the midwest last night and we have giant trees in the yard that would definitely crush parts of the house if they fell. sons room faces the most trees. cast: son- tg me- m m: *walks into son's room to unplug power strip in case of outage, sees him sleeping with his head next the window* "tg, i need you to sleep with your head on the other end of the bed." tg: "why?" m: "in case a tree falls during this storm you'll get a face full of glass and tree if you're on this end" tg: "wth would you say that!? am i gonna get crushed!? would i die!? why would you tell me something i won't be able to stop thinking about all night, probably forever!? you know you pretty much scarred me for life now when it comes to storms!!" *huffs and flips to the other side of the bed* m: "i'm sorry but i love you, goodnight." tg: *fully sarcastic* "whatever, goodnight!" he didn't talk to me this morning before school, and i asked him how his first day was and he said "fine" and went to his room. i feel like a total dick but also, face full of glass. so, aita and did i really scar him for life? info: this reaction was out of character for him, he's never had signs of chronic anxiety so i wasn't gaslighting him. the trees aren't dead, they are healthy but we have been losing limbs all summer due to imo, woodpeckers, carpenter ants, and ash bore beetles. xcel energy has evaluated the transformer poles and limbs near the lines and have put us on a fix it waiting list for the past 3 months, i'm waiting impatiently. he is the one who arranged the head of his bed by the window so he could sketch the backyard during the day, he slept at the foot of his bed last night. it was his first day of 7th grade today so back to school jitters may have played a role here. [/INST] nah you were pointing out a remote but still plausible risk. he responded as 12-year-olds do: overly dramatically. </s>
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AITA for not being happy for my boyfriend's success?
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by boyfriend (23) and i (21) have been together since my senior year of high school. right before i graduated we moved in together and right after i started working. a couple of months later he got problems with his health that caused him to not really be able to do any housework, like cleaning, cooking etc. he had a bigger income than i and a longer and more successful career than i, and we decided it'd be the best for me to quit working and start doing all the housework, even though this meant all his family and friends saw me as a gold digger.
after this his career took up very fast, and he started earning a lot more money. no one knew where his new determination and extra energy came from. he would brag about how easy work was, and that he only had to work maybe an hour and then he'd just spend time with his friends for the rest of the working day. the housework took me all day, everyday to get done. he'd buy himself expensive designer things and expensive presents to people, while if i needed makeup or new shoes he'd get picky and whine about being stressed about money. every time i needed something, he'd take up how it was his money and he worked so hard to get it.
recently he got an award at work, including a trip with his friends, money and a party. i wanted to join on the trip, but he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends by bringing his girlfriend. i finally got enough of him getting so much praise, and told him it felt bad he kept getting rewarded for an achievement i felt was ours together. he got really mad at me for saying that, saying how i'm an ungrateful brat that he has to provide for and he works hard every day to achieve the things he's gotten. i know i chose to stay at home and he technically does work completely by himself for the money, but it just bugged me so bad. so, aita for telling him i don't like that he gets awarded for his success?
| 9,150
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sd8nrq/aita_for_not_being_happy_for_my_boyfriends_success/
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2022-01-26 15:33:43
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info.
>the housework took me all day, everyday to get done.
how dirty were you guys leaving the house *every single day* if the upkeep is that much? is this a massive mansion with loads of filth?
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nta
but your focus is wrong. his success isn’t the root of your frustration. his selfishness and the terrible way he treats you is the problem. if he valued you as a partner, there would be no question that you go on the trip with him and reap all of the rewards of his work with you.
he’s treating you like you’re his mom and, to be fair, you’re acting like it by taking on all of the house full chores while he works for only one hour. he’s the ah. and you shouldn’t let him treat you like that.
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nta. honestly he's literally telling you that he's embarrassed of you. that is just so... not a good thing in a relationship (if we can call that a relationship). honestly you are just being made into a housekeeper (i think that's the word i might wrong in what i-m expressing). do you really want to be in that kind of relationship?
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esh.
if he's your bf, you should be happy for his success. since he wanted you to quit your job and do all the chores, he should be more understanding and generous toward you, thanking you for all you did to make his life easier.
perhaps this relationship is over because at this point it's just toxic.
future advice: don't ever quit your job and rely on a mere bf to provide for you. that does nothing for you. if you're in the usa it doesn't increase your ss input, and if you broke up you wouldn't be entitled to any alimony or very much due to the short period of the relationship.
you are setting yourself up to be in a very bad position. you have no financial protection if your relationship ends, or not very much because you aren't married.
you shouldn't have agreed to do that for him without being in a marriage.
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info: what kind of health problem only affects the ability to do housework?
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info: how does the housework for two young adults take you all day? my wife (28) and i (34) both have full time jobs and split the housework with plenty of time for other stuff. what housework are you doing for 8-10 hours per day?!?
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nta- his behavior is not great. however, i’m very confused about two parts of your story. 1. what kind of health issues prevent any housework but allow a thriving and busy career? 2. while housework can be time consuming how is it an all day everyday issue for you?
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wow you should choose titel more wisely.
nta what you describe is financial abuse,this isn't something that get's better by itself even if you agreed to it,you should reconsider.
don't be completely dependend on him for your own sake!what would happen if you break up you would stand there with nothing,je also would know that and can pressure you with it.
you are young and have still the oppurtunity to change this,so don't go with that risk.
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nta, please dump him. or get another job, or stop cleaning his house and doing things for him, because this boy does not respect you.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
INFO
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.144338
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: by boyfriend (23) and i (21) have been together since my senior year of high school. right before i graduated we moved in together and right after i started working. a couple of months later he got problems with his health that caused him to not really be able to do any housework, like cleaning, cooking etc. he had a bigger income than i and a longer and more successful career than i, and we decided it'd be the best for me to quit working and start doing all the housework, even though this meant all his family and friends saw me as a gold digger. after this his career took up very fast, and he started earning a lot more money. no one knew where his new determination and extra energy came from. he would brag about how easy work was, and that he only had to work maybe an hour and then he'd just spend time with his friends for the rest of the working day. the housework took me all day, everyday to get done. he'd buy himself expensive designer things and expensive presents to people, while if i needed makeup or new shoes he'd get picky and whine about being stressed about money. every time i needed something, he'd take up how it was his money and he worked so hard to get it. recently he got an award at work, including a trip with his friends, money and a party. i wanted to join on the trip, but he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends by bringing his girlfriend. i finally got enough of him getting so much praise, and told him it felt bad he kept getting rewarded for an achievement i felt was ours together. he got really mad at me for saying that, saying how i'm an ungrateful brat that he has to provide for and he works hard every day to achieve the things he's gotten. i know i chose to stay at home and he technically does work completely by himself for the money, but it just bugged me so bad. so, aita for telling him i don't like that he gets awarded for his success?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
by boyfriend (23) and i (21) have been together since my senior year of high school. right before i graduated we moved in together and right after i started working. a couple of months later he got problems with his health that caused him to not really be able to do any housework, like cleaning, cooking etc. he had a bigger income than i and a longer and more successful career than i, and we decided it'd be the best for me to quit working and start doing all the housework, even though this meant all his family and friends saw me as a gold digger. after this his career took up very fast, and he started earning a lot more money. no one knew where his new determination and extra energy came from. he would brag about how easy work was, and that he only had to work maybe an hour and then he'd just spend time with his friends for the rest of the working day. the housework took me all day, everyday to get done. he'd buy himself expensive designer things and expensive presents to people, while if i needed makeup or new shoes he'd get picky and whine about being stressed about money. every time i needed something, he'd take up how it was his money and he worked so hard to get it. recently he got an award at work, including a trip with his friends, money and a party. i wanted to join on the trip, but he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends by bringing his girlfriend. i finally got enough of him getting so much praise, and told him it felt bad he kept getting rewarded for an achievement i felt was ours together. he got really mad at me for saying that, saying how i'm an ungrateful brat that he has to provide for and he works hard every day to achieve the things he's gotten. i know i chose to stay at home and he technically does work completely by himself for the money, but it just bugged me so bad. so, aita for telling him i don't like that he gets awarded for his success? [/INST] info. >the housework took me all day, everyday to get done. how dirty were you guys leaving the house *every single day* if the upkeep is that much? is this a massive mansion with loads of filth? </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop moaning and stop being a baby when he kept complaining about being handed a baby to entertain at my brother's house?
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boyfriend and i are both 18.
i was going to see my brother to talk to him about some family stuff. my boyfriend was with me so he came along. my brother and sister in law just had triplets, and they also have an 18 month old. so 4 babies in the house. they need all the help they can get.
once i went to talk to my brother apparently my sister in law just handed one of the babies over to my boyfriend, told him to keep walking with her in his arms until she falls asleep.
my boyfriend did that but when we went back he kept on complaining about the fact that my sister in law didn't ask him to do it, she assumed it and just put him in a position which he couldn't refuse. *
| 8,244
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vsc05y/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_to_stop_moaning_and/
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2022-07-05 23:57:23
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yta. your boyfriend is right on this one.
not expecting hospitality is one thing, but being expected to care for someone else's newborn without your consent is not on. his presence alone is not consent.
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[deleted]
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nah. i kind of agree with you that it’s reasonably foreseeable that someone might try to hand you a baby if you walk into a house with 4 of them. i also understand not wanting to hold or entertain a baby, and he probably really did feel uncomfortable saying no.
in the future he should just not go with you, or he should get comfortable with saying “no thank you.”
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why do your brother and sister in law think it's okay to hand someone a baby without their consent?
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yta.
he's right. i get they need help but they are grown enough to ask for help. simple as that. you aren't married, you aren't even engagement y'all are dating. nothing more.
what she should've done is said politely btw " hey -boyfriends name - do you mind holding the baby and walking around until they fall asleep.i need to help with x. but it's totally understandable if you aren't comfortable with it"
simple and giving him a way out if needed.
not everyone is comfortable holding a baby. let alone a baby they ain't related to.
he had every right to complain. and you're being an asshole for dismissing valid feelings. he ain't their family, he's in a relationship with you but y'all ain't engaged. and it looks like he doesn't know your family all that well either.
shame on you for treating him like that. he has valid feelings regarding this and it ain't cool of your family to put him on the spot and demand his assistance without knowing him or asking him.
also who gives a guy (person really) they barely fucking know their newborn baby. that's shady to me
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i feel like everyone is super over the top in this situation? frankly, i'd be your boyfriend and be slightly annoyed/uncomfortable but would have just done it and then mentioned in the car that i'm not used to babies and felt weird but would have just... been fine with it overall? it's not that big a deal. knowing they're probably sleep deprived and whatever. but you could have also just said "yea she probably should have asked nicer but she's probably so tired and frazzled she didn't think about it. maybe next time you can chill in the car while i go in." it's really not that serious on both sides...
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if i was handed a baby, i'd hand it right back, plain and simple. you can't just hand your children off to someone without asking if they're ok with it, it's not their job to babysit another person's children just because they crossed the threshold of the house. yta, because you are being dismissive.
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nah, 4 babies = a lot going on all at once. everyone should give each other a break in this situation, i imagine no one meant ill will.
use this as an opportunity to work on your couples communication skills 👍
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lol, yta. you decided to visit, he just tagged along with you. that is definitely not consent to be a babysitter to a baby he doesn't know, without even being asked.
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nta, reddit people have such a strong hate for children you'll always be called an asshole if you say spending 5 mins with a kid isn't the end of the world. i agree, it's a reasonable expectation he'd be asked to hold a baby/help out. he didn't have to go! also he sooked when you said to not come next time? what does he want??
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.42811
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: boyfriend and i are both 18. i was going to see my brother to talk to him about some family stuff. my boyfriend was with me so he came along. my brother and sister in law just had triplets, and they also have an 18 month old. so 4 babies in the house. they need all the help they can get. once i went to talk to my brother apparently my sister in law just handed one of the babies over to my boyfriend, told him to keep walking with her in his arms until she falls asleep. my boyfriend did that but when we went back he kept on complaining about the fact that my sister in law didn't ask him to do it, she assumed it and just put him in a position which he couldn't refuse. *
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
boyfriend and i are both 18. i was going to see my brother to talk to him about some family stuff. my boyfriend was with me so he came along. my brother and sister in law just had triplets, and they also have an 18 month old. so 4 babies in the house. they need all the help they can get. once i went to talk to my brother apparently my sister in law just handed one of the babies over to my boyfriend, told him to keep walking with her in his arms until she falls asleep. my boyfriend did that but when we went back he kept on complaining about the fact that my sister in law didn't ask him to do it, she assumed it and just put him in a position which he couldn't refuse. * [/INST] yta. your boyfriend is right on this one. not expecting hospitality is one thing, but being expected to care for someone else's newborn without your consent is not on. his presence alone is not consent. </s>
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AITA for kicking girlfriend out after she deleted dead wife’s pictures from my phone?
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my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this.
my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it.
fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend.
i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
| 24,955
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hy04og/aita_for_kicking_girlfriend_out_after_she_deleted/
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2020-07-26 03:51:08
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nta.
don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues.
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nta.
who the fuck thinks it’s ok to delete someone else’s photos. doesn’t matter what it is. but especially photos of their precious spouse who passed away. those photos being there so not hurt her in anyway. i’m sorry this happened. are you able to retrieve some kind of backup? try posting in a subreddit able to help. i’ve seen miracles happen for people who have lost special photos.
**
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nta - you handled this situation far better than i would have. she deserved to be kicked to the curb for that.
can you go to any it place and see if they can recover the photos?
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nta-this chick is nuts, block her everywhere and change your locks
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[removed]
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nta. those were your private photos of your deceased spouse and i am so sorry. that bunny boiler had no excuse to permanently delete what a) did not belong to her and b) you can never get back. she's clearly an immature psycho. get well rid of her.
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nta. she's jealous of your late wife. as in the one person you can literally never ever cheat on her with. she completely ruined memories that you cannot get back due to her own insecurities and need to control you and didn't even apologize.
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nta - take your phone to a data recovery place asap and try not to take many new photos until you do! there’s a good chance they can get the photos back
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nta - don't let her manipulate you - those were your memories to hold onto.
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nta. i’m so sorry you lost not only your wife, but so many pictures of her. i get how your girlfriend feels - living in the shadow of a spouse who has passed can be very difficult - but she took a permanent, irrevocable step as the only step. instead of asking you to keep the pictures on a flash drive, or make some other compromise where they were somewhere safe but weren’t on your phone, your girlfriend made a choice for you that can be incredibly damaging, and will likely mean more grieving.
while kicking her out is also a pretty drastic step, it’s understandable and at least undoable if you end up changing your mind. whether or not you do should be entirely up to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter and ex son in law that I don’t want custody of their daughter either?
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my daughter and my ex son in law had a four year long divorce for a marriage that lasted barely a year.
in that time, their daughter (14) has acted out. my daughter found her lying on the couch black out drunk for the first time when she was 11.
my ex son in law recently had a week with her in which she refused food for 4 days in a row.
i haven’t had a much better time with my granddaughter either. once i drove her to a birthday party and she ended up pulling a 24 hour disappearing act until finally a friend admitted she was with him.
and the worst part is that many of the daughter’s problems weren’t reported by either side because both my daughter and ex son in law feared that the other parent would lose all custody and they’d have to deal with her full time.
now my daughter and son in law are at their breaking point. they both are arguing that they don’t want custody and that the daughter is the other’s responsibility. they have both gone as far to threaten to get themselves arrested so that they’d lose custody. my daughter even said that she was contemplating purposefully driving drunk and getting pulled over with her daughter in the front seat so she’d lose custody.
they finally turned to me and begged that i take her in. my ex son in law stood outside my house yesterday in the pouring rain for a full hour begging me to take my granddaughter in until he finally went home.
i finally emailed the both of them and said that i was one year away from turning 60 and had already planned my life in a way that doesn’t involve a child.
i ended it by saying that if they both wanted their child to be living anywhere besides their homes, then it would be in a foster care facility.
aita? my daughter and her ex were teen parents but honestly this is such a mess and their daughter is such a mess that i don’t feel it’s fair to make me deal with the destruction they caused.
| 6,486
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9g109/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_and_ex_son_in_law/
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2020-10-11 23:36:17
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esh - you are correct that it is not your job to raise your granddaughter. however did you read what you wrote? you have her parents arguing over who gets stuck with the girl and your biggest concern is that you aren't the one that gets her. do none of you give a damn about this kid? foster care sounds like an improvement over the assholes she has as blood family.
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esh expect kiddo. as unpopular an opinion this may be her behavior is a direct result of all of the built up trauma and bs that this kid had no say in being in the middle of. this is a kid who can tell no one wants her and honestly given the extremes of her behavior i have a feeling she’s treated a lot worse behind closed doors than you’re aware of. while it’s entirely not your responsibility to parent this kid i do think you need to knock some sense into her parents since it was your own bad parenting that allowed your teenage daughter to get pregnant to begin with. :/ this kid doesn’t deserve to get tossed to the side bc shes going through it. she needs therapy not to be abandoned
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man, that poor girl needs help. honestly some it seems you really don't care about her (which is pretty much exactly why she is the way she is) then at least i'll give you props for being consistent.
she needs to be sent somewhere else for sure, because no one that's supposed to be taking care of her has been doing it.
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info: i have a question. and it's why the hell isn't this child in therapy?
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esh (except for the kid)- jfc, y'all are real pieces of work. this child was getting blackout drunk at 11, is refusing to eat, runs away from her awful family and hides with a friend. this is not normal- this is what kids/teens do when they desperately need help. this kid needs real, serious help- at least therapy, but most likely some sort of inpatient care or alternative living situation or boarding school so she can be in a stable environment with people who don't wish she was dead.
because that's the impression i get here- that the adults would all rather this child stop existing. you are choosing to not do anything useful to help her because it mean you might have to take responsibility for her. i really hope you're a troll and that there's not a real live 14 year old kid living through the mess of the world today with literally no adults who care about her well being or even her survival (4 days without eating is not healthy or safe for a teen). i don't think you should take her in, but that's only because this kid deserves better than you. just call cps and report your daughter, the dad, and make it clear you are not a better option. the foster care system can be bad, but at least there's a chance someone will give a crap about this kid's well being- that's more than it seems she'll ever get from her family.
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esh. if someone gave a damn about this poor kid for even a second, you might not have reached this point. kids know when they're unwanted, an she's given up.
congratulations.
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esh
i'm probably going to get downvoted for this but here goes, while yea this child technically isn't your responsibility, show some empathy here. this is a teenager is serious need. no shit she is acting out, both of her parents don't want her. her mother is willing to get arrested as to not deal with her.
this kid is in clear need of a stable home and a loving adult. while people will say "this isn't your "responsibility" and that's reasonable i suppose, i would really consider taking her in. you have the chance to make a real difference for a struggling kid in a fucked up home and she is already 14, your not raising a child for the next 18 years.
really consider if you want to turn a way a child in need like this.
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i don't want to pass judgement on you, but please read my comment.
i remember banging my head against the bathtub until i passed out when i was 16 after my i asked to live with my nan, and she told me she couldn't handle me either. i was drunk for more or less a year straight after that.
my dad was an oxy dealing, oxy snorting, abusive alcoholic. my mom was in complete denial and working as much as possible to avoid home.
it wasn't nan's job, but she had always been my main parent before we moved to the city and away from her. then i was alone with a mess way too big for me to handle.
hearing that from her killed something inside of me. everyone had given up on me, even my nonny. i have a lot of cousins, but i was the one she spent the most time with, she lived with us. after my pop died i was the one who took care of her, despite my dad disintegrating in front of me.
i am 32, just graduated highschool last year and i am finally in college (though i did attend university as a mature student), and i'm now starting my own family. i am where normal, healthy 20 somethings are.
i have borderline personality disorder, with major abandonment issues.
i'm the only person that didn't give up on me.
is that how you want your granddaughter to feel?
she might not be your responsibility, but you have the opportunity to change this child's life. i hope you change your mind and help her.
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nta. that poor child.
you have every right to decide that this is not a responsibility that you can take on at this point in your life. foisting this child on you is tantamount to setting the house on fire, then telling you that you need to put it out because it’s too much for them. remember this: you didn’t create this problem, and you can’t fix it on your own. they’d rather spend their time berating you and pulling stunts then rectifying their poor parenting. disgusting.
maybe you could speak with her social worker to explain the dynamics and her parent’s outrageous behaviour. depending on the available services in your jurisdiction, it may be possible to avoid foster care.
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nta - they are her parents. tell them to grow up, take responsibility for their mistakes in parenting, and to find a way to fix it. this poor girl deserves a future. if it means rehab, then they should get her into rehab. but, they need to get it together and get a game plan for their own messed up daughter, that they helped mess up.
allllll that to say, absolutely nta. you raised your kids. your daughter, and sil, is trying to get out of her responsibilities. hopefully, you can enjoy your retirement.
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ESH
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ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.557495
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter and my ex son in law had a four year long divorce for a marriage that lasted barely a year. in that time, their daughter (14) has acted out. my daughter found her lying on the couch black out drunk for the first time when she was 11. my ex son in law recently had a week with her in which she refused food for 4 days in a row. i haven’t had a much better time with my granddaughter either. once i drove her to a birthday party and she ended up pulling a 24 hour disappearing act until finally a friend admitted she was with him. and the worst part is that many of the daughter’s problems weren’t reported by either side because both my daughter and ex son in law feared that the other parent would lose all custody and they’d have to deal with her full time. now my daughter and son in law are at their breaking point. they both are arguing that they don’t want custody and that the daughter is the other’s responsibility. they have both gone as far to threaten to get themselves arrested so that they’d lose custody. my daughter even said that she was contemplating purposefully driving drunk and getting pulled over with her daughter in the front seat so she’d lose custody. they finally turned to me and begged that i take her in. my ex son in law stood outside my house yesterday in the pouring rain for a full hour begging me to take my granddaughter in until he finally went home. i finally emailed the both of them and said that i was one year away from turning 60 and had already planned my life in a way that doesn’t involve a child. i ended it by saying that if they both wanted their child to be living anywhere besides their homes, then it would be in a foster care facility. aita? my daughter and her ex were teen parents but honestly this is such a mess and their daughter is such a mess that i don’t feel it’s fair to make me deal with the destruction they caused.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter and my ex son in law had a four year long divorce for a marriage that lasted barely a year. in that time, their daughter (14) has acted out. my daughter found her lying on the couch black out drunk for the first time when she was 11. my ex son in law recently had a week with her in which she refused food for 4 days in a row. i haven’t had a much better time with my granddaughter either. once i drove her to a birthday party and she ended up pulling a 24 hour disappearing act until finally a friend admitted she was with him. and the worst part is that many of the daughter’s problems weren’t reported by either side because both my daughter and ex son in law feared that the other parent would lose all custody and they’d have to deal with her full time. now my daughter and son in law are at their breaking point. they both are arguing that they don’t want custody and that the daughter is the other’s responsibility. they have both gone as far to threaten to get themselves arrested so that they’d lose custody. my daughter even said that she was contemplating purposefully driving drunk and getting pulled over with her daughter in the front seat so she’d lose custody. they finally turned to me and begged that i take her in. my ex son in law stood outside my house yesterday in the pouring rain for a full hour begging me to take my granddaughter in until he finally went home. i finally emailed the both of them and said that i was one year away from turning 60 and had already planned my life in a way that doesn’t involve a child. i ended it by saying that if they both wanted their child to be living anywhere besides their homes, then it would be in a foster care facility. aita? my daughter and her ex were teen parents but honestly this is such a mess and their daughter is such a mess that i don’t feel it’s fair to make me deal with the destruction they caused. [/INST] esh - you are correct that it is not your job to raise your granddaughter. however did you read what you wrote? you have her parents arguing over who gets stuck with the girl and your biggest concern is that you aren't the one that gets her. do none of you give a damn about this kid? foster care sounds like an improvement over the assholes she has as blood family. </s>
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AITA i (38 m) for telling my fiancee ( f 27)her wedding dress choice is way too extravagant and suggesting alternatives?
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sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor
we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.
emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy.
all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.
we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.
we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress.
i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil!
i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair.
i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100.
i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon .
i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it.
she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?
it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress.
wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined.
then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it.
it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost.
i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.
aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me.
then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.
im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole.
aita here?
tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online?
| 7,889
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoley4/aita_i_38_m_for_telling_my_fiancee_f_27her/
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2020-01-14 13:42:02
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yta. you say you don't want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. that's cheap. that's cheap even for a regular dress. those cheap dresses you're finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1000 is actually a low priced dress.
regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her - calling her names and deciding you have veto power - is the real problem. you should be solving this issue together. if you can't, maybe it's not time to get married yet.
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hi emma- op said you can see this thread. stay with your parents, this dude is a wiener.
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yta no offense but you have no idea what you're talking about. i assure you the $100 dress is not the "same exact dress", it's a cheap knockoff (which is what the wish app is known for). also yes, the dress needs to be fitted to her proportions, it would be very unusual for anyone to fit perfectly into an off the rack size gown perfectly with no alterations. $950 is actually not bad at all for a wedding gown including alterations.
i understand if you have different priorities with money, but it does not sound like this would be a huge deal in the grand scheme of everything with what you'd shared about your finances. let her have this one. if anything, just let her know that something else might have to give in your budget for the wedding or the honeymoon to accommodate for the dress and let her make that decision for herself.
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yta. you are suggesting she get married in a $50-$100 dress, and then when her parents offered to pay for her dress, it's not even about the money for you. you literally want to control what she wears, an adult woman.
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dude... yta. to say it once, whatever, okay, she's heard your opinion. this is her day just as much as it is your day.
> we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over
> she argued that she is using her own money
she is, by your own admission.
her parents even offered to pay for the dress, because they wanted their daughter to have her day her way and clearly money is of no concern. that should have been the end of it.
> she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?
being slender has nothing to do with it. she'll want her dress to fit her well, this goes for both a new dress and one secondhand.
> i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have
like seriously? sorry op but your girlfriend deserves way better.
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are you joking or trolling? or are you just painfully oblivious?
>what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil!
this is the lower end for a wedding gown from a store that specializes in gowns. literally this is low/mid-range at david's bridal. and the vast majority of brides will have their dress altered.
if you guys wanted to go cheaper, the way to do that is to go to a seamstress/tailer with something that was from a non-bridal store. basically she finds a white/ivory gown from someplace reputable (not the $100 wedding gown, i'll get to that below), tries it on before buying, and then gets is custom tailored to fit really well.
and that online $100 wedding dress is very likely to look like crap. it's basically going to be a wedding gown costume. if you are looking at a site like wish, it's going to be a shoddily made costume, with inconsistent sizing and coloring, and cheap looking and feeling fabric, which may or may not have detailing attached with hot glue.
you're wearing your dad's tux, so you don't feel an immediate cost there, but i guarantee that suit wasn't cheap when it was new. you want her to walk down the isle in a cheap costume wedding dress while you wear tux. and she will look like a joke in that scenario.
yta.
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she cannot get a similar dress for $100!!!
why would you think that?? you are so wrong. it is stupid and arrogant to think you can base what a dress is like off a picture.
those dresses you found online are often very cheaply made. $1,000 is standard for a dress and getting it fitted is the norm.
she is reacting this way not because of the dress but because: you are being arrogant and stubborn about something you clearly don’t know shit about.
she’s thinking to herself: “is he going to disrespect my opinion and act like this about decisions in the future.” i feel for the girl, must have been super annoying to talk to you about this.
yta!!
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yta. you are a massive fucking asshole here, i can’t get over it. as most people have clearly stated, the price she has found for the wedding dress she wants is not unreasonable at all compared to the average. the irony of you talking about how you saved 10k each of your own money, but then referring to her share of the 10k as also yours cus you’ll be married in a few months is just ridiculous. you are not married yet, it is not your money you lunatic.
why on earth would you want to start a massive argument with the woman you’re meant to be in love with, over $900? (since you seem to think she shouldn’t be allowed to spend more than $100).
also, i hope you take on the fact that literally everyone responding on this thread thinks you’re a huge asshole, cus from reading your replies you’re not taking the criticism at all.
good luck to emma, poor girl
|
yta
the wedding dress may not be important to you, but it's clearly important to her. you didn't "discuss" this with her, you just told her:
>i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole.
yeaaaah.
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yta. 1000 times over. i also thinking you're trolling, because no one can be as oblivious as you.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted. emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy. all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress. we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had. we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair. i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100. i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon . i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it. she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined. then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it. it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost. i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset. aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me. then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage. im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. aita here? tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted. emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy. all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress. we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had. we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair. i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100. i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon . i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it. she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined. then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it. it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost. i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset. aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me. then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage. im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. aita here? tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online? [/INST] yta. you say you don't want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. that's cheap. that's cheap even for a regular dress. those cheap dresses you're finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1000 is actually a low priced dress. regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her - calling her names and deciding you have veto power - is the real problem. you should be solving this issue together. if you can't, maybe it's not time to get married yet. </s>
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AITA for moving back out after my parents demanded I follow their rules
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this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong.
i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out.
covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'.
i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'.
edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now.
| 27,894
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nce479/aita_for_moving_back_out_after_my_parents/
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2021-05-14 17:29:55
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nta. grounding a 22 year old man and taking away his computer is totally ridiculous, even if you didn't pay rent (which you do!). you tried to help them out, they treated it like they were doing \*you\* a favor. go go go and don't look back.
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haha too funny. tell them to make an ad for a tenant and make sure to put in the ad that they'll be controlling that tenants screen- and bedtime, and must obey all house rules or else be grounded. nta.
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nta.
lois mcmaster bujold has a quote about adulthood that i like:
>"adulthood isn't an award they'll give you for being a good child. you can waste...years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. if only you do enough, if only you are good enough. no. you have to just...take it. give it to yourself, i suppose. say, i'm sorry you feel like that, and walk away. but that's hard.”
they can't have you as an adult and have you as a child at the same time. at 22, parental authority should be taking an advisor role, not a dominator one. a lot of parents find this transition difficult (though frankly they should have started working on it years ago). but it being difficult for them is their problem, not yours. you're not causing fights, you're not straining against their rules, you're just refusing to be put into a position where you have to submit; that's reasonable, mature behavior.
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nta. you put it perfectly. your mother was ridiculous. either you are an adult who is paying rent and therefore entitled to privacy, or you are a child who doesn't have to pay expenses.
if they want your support, they need to respect your status as an adult.
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nta
> now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'.
"you move in and help them then."
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nta, but dude, srsly? your mom took your laptop? you waited too long to move out.
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oh this is ridiculous. absolutely nta. you’re a 22 year old college graduate, not a kid living under your parents roof.
i’m guessing they were always like this? but you probably hoped that your being a college graduate and paying rent would have changed the dynamic a bit.
i would absolutely not move back in. they’re treating you like a child.
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nta. youre an adult paying rent, not a child that has to go to school tomorrow.
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your mom acted like you're 12, not 22. bit of cognitive dissonance here - a mom can tell a 12 year old to go to bed, but that 12 year old isn't going to "support the family" by paying rent. cant have it both ways, mom. next time treat your 22 year old son like the rent paying adult he is.
nta.
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nta. you’re a fully grown adult which would be reasons enough, but on top of that you were paying rent. she has no authority to ground you, or take your property, you made the right call.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong. i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out. covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'. i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong. i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out. covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'. i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now. [/INST] nta. grounding a 22 year old man and taking away his computer is totally ridiculous, even if you didn't pay rent (which you do!). you tried to help them out, they treated it like they were doing \*you\* a favor. go go go and don't look back. </s>
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AITA for suing the estate of this guy that died when he crashed into my car?
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so a couple weeks ago i was driving home. my neighbor was on an electric bike went way too fast down a hill and crashed into my car. he dented my car bad and broke through my windshield.
i wasn’t at fault as i was stopped at a stop sign and he ran through one right into me.
it was a really bad accident and the guy died. i injured my shoulder and broke my wrist and needed to have surgery to put some stabilizing screws put in.
this guy had a wife and kids that he supported. they’re having a hard time financially since he passed as he was the breadwinner and the wife hadn’t worked for years so she’s having trouble finding work.
so would i be the asshole if i sued his estate to get my medical bills and my car paid for. i do need the money, but not nearly as desperately as they do.
edit. on the advice of many people i will just file the claim with my insurance because it will be less messy than me getting the money from them personally. if my rates go up i will change my insurance provider.
thanks all. i’m signing off now.
| 3,218
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fagbcg/aita_for_suing_the_estate_of_this_guy_that_died/
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2020-02-27 18:19:18
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info - did he not have any form of insurance that is paying for your treatment? seems to me that your insurance company would fight tooth and nail to have someone else pick up the bill. unless you were driving without insurance, in which case i don't know what to tell you.
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nta but the “insurance going up thing” is such a weird reason to not use your insurance and instead make legal moves to essentially bankrupt and have a widow “most likely have to sell her house” to pay for your car and minor injuries..i mean that makes me feel sick to even consider, but if you can stomach it 🤷🏼♀️
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ywbta if you filed a claim against their estate without filing it through your insurance first.
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ywbta for suing them personally. this is an insurance claim. if your insurance is going to go up because of a not at fault claim, then you need to get a new provider. but don't do that to this grieving family, especially since you already know they're struggling financially from losing the breadwinner in their family.
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yta
he and his family lost a lot more than you.
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after getting further info: ywbta. you’ve stated that they are broke. they don’t have any money. the only thing they have is the house that his widowed wife and children still live in. if you sue and take their house away, they may not have anywhere to go. they won’t be able to afford to go anywhere, do anything. i know, getting hit by a car sucks. (my sister literally got hit by a car a few days ago, has broken ribs etc and my family is struggling alot financially) but, you said that although you use the money, they need it more than you do. don’t make this family’s life harder just because a dead member of the family made yours harder. although i rlly dont think you’re the asshole, i just can’t say you wouldn’t be if you made a family homeless.
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so you want to sue a recently widowed woman who's struggling financially to take care of her family after a tragedy hit her?
i mean...
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am i missing something? a guy died..... and you are woried about your rates going up?
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info. doesn’t your vehicle insurance cover your bills? i’m assuming you’re in the us?
edit. nah that are alive.
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honestly yta if you go through with this. it's hard to believe someone would bankrupt a parent and her kids when they just lost their husband/father and very likely make them lose their house just because they *might* (really shouldn't make a difference at all in this case) have to pay a slightly higher insurance premium.
|
INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| null | null |
INFO
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YTA
| 0.271863
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so a couple weeks ago i was driving home. my neighbor was on an electric bike went way too fast down a hill and crashed into my car. he dented my car bad and broke through my windshield. i wasn’t at fault as i was stopped at a stop sign and he ran through one right into me. it was a really bad accident and the guy died. i injured my shoulder and broke my wrist and needed to have surgery to put some stabilizing screws put in. this guy had a wife and kids that he supported. they’re having a hard time financially since he passed as he was the breadwinner and the wife hadn’t worked for years so she’s having trouble finding work. so would i be the asshole if i sued his estate to get my medical bills and my car paid for. i do need the money, but not nearly as desperately as they do. edit. on the advice of many people i will just file the claim with my insurance because it will be less messy than me getting the money from them personally. if my rates go up i will change my insurance provider. thanks all. i’m signing off now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so a couple weeks ago i was driving home. my neighbor was on an electric bike went way too fast down a hill and crashed into my car. he dented my car bad and broke through my windshield. i wasn’t at fault as i was stopped at a stop sign and he ran through one right into me. it was a really bad accident and the guy died. i injured my shoulder and broke my wrist and needed to have surgery to put some stabilizing screws put in. this guy had a wife and kids that he supported. they’re having a hard time financially since he passed as he was the breadwinner and the wife hadn’t worked for years so she’s having trouble finding work. so would i be the asshole if i sued his estate to get my medical bills and my car paid for. i do need the money, but not nearly as desperately as they do. edit. on the advice of many people i will just file the claim with my insurance because it will be less messy than me getting the money from them personally. if my rates go up i will change my insurance provider. thanks all. i’m signing off now. [/INST] info - did he not have any form of insurance that is paying for your treatment? seems to me that your insurance company would fight tooth and nail to have someone else pick up the bill. unless you were driving without insurance, in which case i don't know what to tell you. </s>
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AITA for not going to my girlfriends sons funeral?
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i (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (30f) for 2 months. i think we had a good relationship, she has a son (11m). my girlfriend and i were good friends for a few years, we met through a mutual friends and so i haven’t spent time with her alone until 5 months ago.
i knew she had a son, because she’s posted about him on facebook, a few times. he has some sort of liver condition and was awaiting a liver transplant. its just him and his mom.
i don’t know much about him, as my gf is very reserved talking about her son.
i have a little sister (26f). i have always been closer to her than other siblings, considering we’re only a few years apart. when she was 11, we were fighting at school and she ended up fainting. she had to stay in the hospital for a few days to have some tests done, and she ended up being diagnosed with diabetes, not related to her death.
i think it changed the dynamic of our relationship a lot, because she was in hospital a lot more than other kids.
at the start of september, my gfs son started getting sicker, and it was the first time she ever opened up to me about his health conditions.
in early october my sister got into an accident. it was very sudden, and because she still lives near my parents they were heartbroken, and they don’t have any children apart from my sister and i, so i went to help them.
i grew up in australia, and my sister and my family still live there, i live in america currently. for the funeral and to console my mum and dad, i decided to stay there for 10days to help plan the funeral.
on my second day there, i got a call from my gf. she said her son had passed away during the night, i tried to help her the best i could even though i was already sad about the death of my sister. she said she wanted the funeral to be done soon, and that it would happen on the 6th day of my ten day trip. my sisters funeral was on the 8th and i wasn’t going to take two flights to there and two flights back in less than 2 days to go to both.
my gf got really upset, and said that i didn’t care about her son, and i was upset at her too becuase i had just lost my sister. she told me that her son thought of me like a dad, and i’d never met him so i told her i didn’t think of him like a son. she hung up angrily and we haven’t spoken since.
i’ll admit i was harsh telling her, and a grieving mother didn’t deserve that, however i don’t think i was wrong to push the idea of me being this kids dad.
all my mutual friends think i’m the a-hole for not going, and that i should’ve told her later, but she knows i’ve never met her son, and i wouldn’t ditch my sisters funeral to go to her sons. my friends though think i did the right thing and i wasn’t obligated to go to his funeral.
i don’t know what i should’ve done, i’m glad i went to my sisters funeral but i feel bad for how i told my gf as her sons never had a father figure in his life.
| 9,302
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yh9ss6/aita_for_not_going_to_my_girlfriends_sons_funeral/
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2022-10-30 09:10:05
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nah
grief is horrible.
hope you all heal
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nta
your sister and parents takes precedence above a 2month relationship and a kid you never met.
>all my mutual friends think i’m the a-hole for not going,
those ain't your friends but hers. they are the a-h of this story.
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nta - really sorry for your loss, i hope you have lots of support to get through this emotional time.
- the two of you had only been dating for two months
- you never met her son, how on earth can you be a father figure
- you were in a different country
- your sister died
- your parents needed you
- you needed to pay your respects to your sister
she’s being irrational because her son died so she gets a pass, give her some space maybe? once you’re in a better head space speak to her. maybe share memories you of your sister and her of her son so you can support each other even over phone.
the only ah in this situation are your mutual friends trying to emotionally blackmail you into ditching your sisters funeral for her sons. both deaths are sad but they have no right to suggest her sons funeral is more important then your sisters. their behaviour is disgusting, insensitive and insane.
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nta definitely. all the yta's are coming from delusional people. could you have put it in nicer terms? yes. but, was she emotionally blackmailing and guilt tripping you? also yes.
sorry for your loss op.
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nah. it's a 2-month-old relationship, and all of this grief is overwhelming for everyone. you never met her son (reasonable for the timeframe), and have an incredibly valid reason for not being able to be there for your gf at the time (a funeral of a close family member on the other side of the planet).
this is the end of your relationship, which may be for the best as it does sound as though you're not able to comfort each other in these difficult times. that's okay. find the people who can comfort you, and who need your comfort, and move forward dealing with your own grief. she has to do the same. i can't call her an ah for it, but her calling you this boy's father was out of line (given that you've dated 2 months and haven't met him). she'll be wrapped up in her grief for a while, and her vision of a future with you may honestly just get in the way. if you want any closure, send a condolence card, but let this all go.
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nta
&#x200b;
you were there for your sister's funeral. this was a shitty situation.
&#x200b;
and: this is your gf of 2 (!) months, not of 20 years.
she could have held the funeral off for 3 days - this sounds like a powerplay.
&#x200b;
you are not an ah.
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nta thought of you like a dad? the child you never met? she’s trying to guilt you.
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sorry for your loss.
nta. you've been dating for 2 months, never met her son, and she expected you to skip your sisters funeral. yeah, you probably shouldn't have said what you did, but she was out of line telling you that her son thought of you as a father, you hadn't met, so unless she had spun some fantasy to her son she was just trying to emotionally manipulate you and make you pick who was more important. of course she would be devastated losing her son, but that was an ah move on her part.
there's also no way logistically that you could have gone to both funerals with the time differences and crossing the international date line, plus it would have cost you around another 3-4k in airfares with the way they are at the moment. i think it was more important that you be there to support your parents and for your sisters funeral.
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nta. anyone who thinks you should have missed your sister’s funeral for a kid you never met’s funeral is out of their minds.
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nta
my condolences.
op, you just had too much on your plate, and while she needed support, you and your family also needed support. it's unreasonable to expect you to travel across the world (can you even get from usa to australia in 2 days, considering all the time to go to the airport, do all the check-ins and stuff, go through security blabla bla, connections, then reverse it, then get to another place from the airport?) in such a timeframe to go to a funeral of a kid you never even met.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (30f) for 2 months. i think we had a good relationship, she has a son (11m). my girlfriend and i were good friends for a few years, we met through a mutual friends and so i haven’t spent time with her alone until 5 months ago. i knew she had a son, because she’s posted about him on facebook, a few times. he has some sort of liver condition and was awaiting a liver transplant. its just him and his mom. i don’t know much about him, as my gf is very reserved talking about her son. i have a little sister (26f). i have always been closer to her than other siblings, considering we’re only a few years apart. when she was 11, we were fighting at school and she ended up fainting. she had to stay in the hospital for a few days to have some tests done, and she ended up being diagnosed with diabetes, not related to her death. i think it changed the dynamic of our relationship a lot, because she was in hospital a lot more than other kids. at the start of september, my gfs son started getting sicker, and it was the first time she ever opened up to me about his health conditions. in early october my sister got into an accident. it was very sudden, and because she still lives near my parents they were heartbroken, and they don’t have any children apart from my sister and i, so i went to help them. i grew up in australia, and my sister and my family still live there, i live in america currently. for the funeral and to console my mum and dad, i decided to stay there for 10days to help plan the funeral. on my second day there, i got a call from my gf. she said her son had passed away during the night, i tried to help her the best i could even though i was already sad about the death of my sister. she said she wanted the funeral to be done soon, and that it would happen on the 6th day of my ten day trip. my sisters funeral was on the 8th and i wasn’t going to take two flights to there and two flights back in less than 2 days to go to both. my gf got really upset, and said that i didn’t care about her son, and i was upset at her too becuase i had just lost my sister. she told me that her son thought of me like a dad, and i’d never met him so i told her i didn’t think of him like a son. she hung up angrily and we haven’t spoken since. i’ll admit i was harsh telling her, and a grieving mother didn’t deserve that, however i don’t think i was wrong to push the idea of me being this kids dad. all my mutual friends think i’m the a-hole for not going, and that i should’ve told her later, but she knows i’ve never met her son, and i wouldn’t ditch my sisters funeral to go to her sons. my friends though think i did the right thing and i wasn’t obligated to go to his funeral. i don’t know what i should’ve done, i’m glad i went to my sisters funeral but i feel bad for how i told my gf as her sons never had a father figure in his life.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (30f) for 2 months. i think we had a good relationship, she has a son (11m). my girlfriend and i were good friends for a few years, we met through a mutual friends and so i haven’t spent time with her alone until 5 months ago. i knew she had a son, because she’s posted about him on facebook, a few times. he has some sort of liver condition and was awaiting a liver transplant. its just him and his mom. i don’t know much about him, as my gf is very reserved talking about her son. i have a little sister (26f). i have always been closer to her than other siblings, considering we’re only a few years apart. when she was 11, we were fighting at school and she ended up fainting. she had to stay in the hospital for a few days to have some tests done, and she ended up being diagnosed with diabetes, not related to her death. i think it changed the dynamic of our relationship a lot, because she was in hospital a lot more than other kids. at the start of september, my gfs son started getting sicker, and it was the first time she ever opened up to me about his health conditions. in early october my sister got into an accident. it was very sudden, and because she still lives near my parents they were heartbroken, and they don’t have any children apart from my sister and i, so i went to help them. i grew up in australia, and my sister and my family still live there, i live in america currently. for the funeral and to console my mum and dad, i decided to stay there for 10days to help plan the funeral. on my second day there, i got a call from my gf. she said her son had passed away during the night, i tried to help her the best i could even though i was already sad about the death of my sister. she said she wanted the funeral to be done soon, and that it would happen on the 6th day of my ten day trip. my sisters funeral was on the 8th and i wasn’t going to take two flights to there and two flights back in less than 2 days to go to both. my gf got really upset, and said that i didn’t care about her son, and i was upset at her too becuase i had just lost my sister. she told me that her son thought of me like a dad, and i’d never met him so i told her i didn’t think of him like a son. she hung up angrily and we haven’t spoken since. i’ll admit i was harsh telling her, and a grieving mother didn’t deserve that, however i don’t think i was wrong to push the idea of me being this kids dad. all my mutual friends think i’m the a-hole for not going, and that i should’ve told her later, but she knows i’ve never met her son, and i wouldn’t ditch my sisters funeral to go to her sons. my friends though think i did the right thing and i wasn’t obligated to go to his funeral. i don’t know what i should’ve done, i’m glad i went to my sisters funeral but i feel bad for how i told my gf as her sons never had a father figure in his life. [/INST] nah grief is horrible. hope you all heal </s>
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AITA for punishing GF for not realizing her actions were innapropiate.
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i (26 m) am in a relationship with my gf (21f). the relationship has been mostly good. she's a gem, super fit and athletic, sex is great, shes really smart. i have a very good paying and stable job while she is a junior in university. i love her a lot. she also comes from a poor and abusive family. she has a athletic scholarship for tuition (soccer) but lives with me and relies on me for spending money and other expenses.
recently we have had some problems. the soccer team has this weird ball/formal dance with guys soccer team. she gets matched up with a random soccer dude and they go to the dance together. this isn't a problem but the way she described it is a problem. she basically said it's supposed to be a crazy night and asked for a one night pass from our relationship. i said "no" very firmly. i told her it was offensive and innapropiate to even ask and i'm shocked it crossed her mind. she got defensive and said she's still in college and all she wants is one night to go wild, but i stood my ground.
&#x200b;
i then told her i don't want her going to this ball at all, because she won't committ to me that she won't go wild after. she said "no, this is a important team bonding exercise". in response i cut off the money i gave her and informed her we won't be going on the european trip this summer. i also said she cant live with me until we resolve this issue. she now has to live at her house with he family who is abusive verbally. one week later she called and asked if she could move back in and have her allowance back, i asked if she was still going to the event and she said yes but she wouldn't try to have sex or anything that night. i said i would think about it. my friends say i'm being a manipulative ass whos taking advantage of a pretty college girl with no money. aita reddit?
| 3,014
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b92sj7/aita_for_punishing_gf_for_not_realizing_her/
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2019-04-03 19:52:11
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esh. if she wants to fuck around she pretty obviously not that serious about you, and yeah, that you view it as "punishing" a grown ass woman, you're being manipulative.
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esh
this whole team building exercise is weird. i definitely wouldn't feel comfortable with it. but shit like that actually happens.
she's the asshole for asking for a pass in your relationship. she could go to this thing just as a "i'm hanging out with the team" sort of thing.
you're the asshole for "punishing" your girlfriend. sure, it's your money and you can decide how to spend it. but you're literally using your money to control her. that's a big red flag that i'd be looking at in your relationship.
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esh. she's in the wrong, but your response is authorotative, not equal partnery. if she want's to have her crazy night, that's not for you to approve or forbid. but, if it's a dealbreaker, it's a dealbreaker.
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[deleted]
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esh, you both seem like toxic people. the way you describe her is objectifying , and you punishing her like that is manpulative and childish. she's no better either, if she wants to 'go wild' and have casual sex with whomever she wants, she shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship. she seems too immature , and you seem too manipulative, so both of you are assholes in my opinion.
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i think it’s interesting that you first describe her in this manner: super fit and athletic, sex is great, she’s really smart. we can certainly see what’s important to you here.
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esh. she sucks for openly wanting a pass in your relationship, & still not taking your feelings into consideration when you said no. you suck for not dumping her if this is a deal breaker for you, & holding money over her head. it is by definition abusive. “act how i want you to act & do what i want you to do, or else i won’t support you financially & will send you back to an abusive household.” it’s fine for you to not accept that type of behavior, it’s not fine for you to manipulate her into certain behaviors with money. why would you even want to continue this relationship when she really seems to care more about having a place to sleep & an allowance than your feelings? both of y’all are asses
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esh, what she asked for is obviously inappropriate but your response is quite manipulative.
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nta
she's using you for money and an easier life but apparently isn't actually that into you personally.
your friends are perhaps not too far off the mark since your descriptions of her were primarily physical and were unnecessary to this post.
but you aren't being wrongly manipulative by demanding monogamy. to be honest, you shouldn't have to demand this in the first place.
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nta, "she wouldn't try to have sex or anything that night."
so she wouldn't actively try to have sex with some random guy, but if it happens it happens?
your girlfriend sounds crazy and personally i would end it. but speaking of things that sound crazy, why the fuck are you giving your girlfriend an allowance?
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.497288
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (26 m) am in a relationship with my gf (21f). the relationship has been mostly good. she's a gem, super fit and athletic, sex is great, shes really smart. i have a very good paying and stable job while she is a junior in university. i love her a lot. she also comes from a poor and abusive family. she has a athletic scholarship for tuition (soccer) but lives with me and relies on me for spending money and other expenses. recently we have had some problems. the soccer team has this weird ball/formal dance with guys soccer team. she gets matched up with a random soccer dude and they go to the dance together. this isn't a problem but the way she described it is a problem. she basically said it's supposed to be a crazy night and asked for a one night pass from our relationship. i said "no" very firmly. i told her it was offensive and innapropiate to even ask and i'm shocked it crossed her mind. she got defensive and said she's still in college and all she wants is one night to go wild, but i stood my ground. &#x200b; i then told her i don't want her going to this ball at all, because she won't committ to me that she won't go wild after. she said "no, this is a important team bonding exercise". in response i cut off the money i gave her and informed her we won't be going on the european trip this summer. i also said she cant live with me until we resolve this issue. she now has to live at her house with he family who is abusive verbally. one week later she called and asked if she could move back in and have her allowance back, i asked if she was still going to the event and she said yes but she wouldn't try to have sex or anything that night. i said i would think about it. my friends say i'm being a manipulative ass whos taking advantage of a pretty college girl with no money. aita reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (26 m) am in a relationship with my gf (21f). the relationship has been mostly good. she's a gem, super fit and athletic, sex is great, shes really smart. i have a very good paying and stable job while she is a junior in university. i love her a lot. she also comes from a poor and abusive family. she has a athletic scholarship for tuition (soccer) but lives with me and relies on me for spending money and other expenses. recently we have had some problems. the soccer team has this weird ball/formal dance with guys soccer team. she gets matched up with a random soccer dude and they go to the dance together. this isn't a problem but the way she described it is a problem. she basically said it's supposed to be a crazy night and asked for a one night pass from our relationship. i said "no" very firmly. i told her it was offensive and innapropiate to even ask and i'm shocked it crossed her mind. she got defensive and said she's still in college and all she wants is one night to go wild, but i stood my ground. &#x200b; i then told her i don't want her going to this ball at all, because she won't committ to me that she won't go wild after. she said "no, this is a important team bonding exercise". in response i cut off the money i gave her and informed her we won't be going on the european trip this summer. i also said she cant live with me until we resolve this issue. she now has to live at her house with he family who is abusive verbally. one week later she called and asked if she could move back in and have her allowance back, i asked if she was still going to the event and she said yes but she wouldn't try to have sex or anything that night. i said i would think about it. my friends say i'm being a manipulative ass whos taking advantage of a pretty college girl with no money. aita reddit? [/INST] esh. if she wants to fuck around she pretty obviously not that serious about you, and yeah, that you view it as "punishing" a grown ass woman, you're being manipulative. </s>
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AITA for wanting to take my kids to a mosque?
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my wife and i have 2 young kids. we live in israel. i was born and raised in ramat gan (right by tel aviv). my wife is originally from minnesota, usa. she was an american jew who did an internship in tel aviv and never left. we have a happy marriage.
so here is where the conflict begins. my wife wants to take our children to america to visit her parents for christmas this year. apparently, even though they are a fully jewish family, christmas is still a fun tradition for them. as i grew up in a country without christmas and come from a long line of rabbis (despite being nonreligious myself), this is very hard for me to understand. i told my wife that i do not want our kids to be going on an expensive trip abroad just to celebrate a christian holiday. we can go plenty of times during the year (when the prices will be cheaper anyway) especially during our numerous jewish holidays. we conflicted but we eventually came to the agreement that she will take the kids to america then but i will stay home.
one of the things that made me understand the need for a compromise on this is that exposing children to other cultures is always a good thing. i am particularly interested in other cultures and traditions, so i am not actually opposed to exposing them to my children. i myself actually have two degrees in arabic and islamic studies and did a lot of research on this.
because of this arrangement regarding christmas, i suggested we start exposing the kids also to these islamic cultures that i am interested in and studied intensively in my younger years. i spoke with an arab friend of mine and he invited us to come visit during prayers at his mosque. i accepted the offer excitedly.
i told this to my wife and also suggested a trip to istanbul this summer, but she flipped out. she said there is no way "her" (not our) children are going anywhere near a mosque. she also added that christmas is important for her family (despite them being jewish), so they have to do it but i have no "actual" connection to anything islamic (besides being fascinated with it and having studied it intensively) so the kids shouldn't be exposed to it. i responded that she was being hypocritical, and this was my way of not only widening the perspectives of the children but also bonding with them over my intellectual and cultural interests. this is extra important considering the unfortunate misconceptions about muslims that currently exist here in israel due to the conflicts. besides, why should they be exposed to one foreign culture or religion and not another?
my wife is pissed with me and she is accusing me of trying to spite her on this. her friends think i'm an ah, and a weirdo. the reactions of my friends and family are pretty mixed. so now i'm asking strangers on reddit. aita?
| 854
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jftsiv/aita_for_wanting_to_take_my_kids_to_a_mosque/
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2020-10-22 05:35:31
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info- will they actually be taking them to church, christmas in the us without church is not very religion based, its more just about a big dinner and presents. if you want to expose them to something similar from islam the equivalent of a christmas celebration with jewish family would probably be more along the lines of ramadan/eid dinners or something like that. kids would probably get a better 'cultural' exposure from something like that anyway, most kids don't particularly enjoy religious services no matter the religion.
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esh - in western countries christmas indeed has christian roots but it now is an almost universal celebration. it is a very special time of the year to share with family and your wife just wanted to do that with you and your children. however your idea to make your children discover islamic culture the way you intend to is a very open minded initiative and your wife should not react that way about it.
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nta.
your wife sounds a bit islamaphobic tbh. she’s fine with them being exposed to christianity but not islam and that sounds like she has some prejudices against islam already.
there’s nothing wrong with exposing your children to other cultures and religions. as op said, it’s is an excellent way to help them learn about the world and grow personally. even if you don’t expose them yourself, they’ll still be exposed to it at some point.
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yta.
you guys are both assholes, but i think your transgression is a bit more severe.
1) you should have had this discussion a long time ago. you should not be debating and making this decision after your children have been born, but before so.
2) your wife it out of line with some of the comments she made, as well as dismissing your interests. (which is why she is a bit of an asshole)
3) you are an asshole for equating the two events. christmas, at least as the event that is commonly celebrated in america has very little to do with religion. it's primarily a family-based holiday where presents are exchanged. equating this event with a visit to a mosque during a literal prayer is non-sense.
in other words, this entire conflict can be summarized with the following statement:
"because my wife wished to take our children to a *family* event to spend time with *family,* i should be able to take my child to a religious ceremony".
taking a child to a religious ceremony is obviously different than a family event, and requires both parents permission.
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minnesotan here. it's not a foreign culture. it is her culture. she was born and raised here, and for her to want to be around her family isn't unusual. if her family celebrates something, that means she celebrates it. you aren't muslim. your family doesn't celebrate any muslim holidays. for you to equate the two is a big reach. i don't think you're ta for wanting to expose your children to every culture that you possibly can. it will make more compassionate and understanding children. however, for you to not support your wife in seeing her family, no matter what the circumstances, makes yta.
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esh. many in western cultures celebrate christmas without any religious element. my family while all raised christian never practised as adults (my parents included, church was not a part of our family life). christmas for us is a time of family. growing up in the the us surrounded by christmas it is likely that your wife experienced similarly. so to her this is part of her american culture that she wants to share with her children. you are focused on the original christian roots of the holiday without understanding that there is very much a secular component for many who choose to celebrate it that way. you then seem to "relent" to her sharing this but insist on viewing it as her teaching your children about christianity. in fact it is likely more about a winter holiday. tree decorating, lights on the house, gift giving, parties with friends and families, making snowmen etc. halloween is also a big deal in north america and not only celebrated by pagans. likewise she might want her kids to experience that. doesn't mean she's going to teach them about pagan religions. so you think she's introducing religious education and she feels it's nothing like that. i'm saying esh because you seem to be doing it in a retaliatory manner "fine you teach then about christianity and i'll teach then about islam". she's ta for being so against the kids learning about any other religion.
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yta, it really does sound like you are trying to spite her here to be honest.
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uuummmm you don’t have to be christian to celebrate christmas. i know muslims and atheists who celebrate christmas because it’s a fun holiday. in western countries it’s seen as more of a fun celebration day rather than a day of religious significance.
you can’t use the argument that you want your kids to be more culturally aware yet ban christian holidays in favour of one you’re more interested in, because then you’re not really showing them different traditions. that doesn’t seem fair for your wife and her family where it’s actually a tradition instead of an interest.
i can see your wife’s frustration because it sounds like you’re putting your own interests over her own interests and family traditions and it sounds hypocritical. so yta not for suggesting to go to a mosque, but for being hypocritical.
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yta. culture =/= religion. for most, christmas is not a religious celebration but rather a secular celebration with family & friends.
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i have only one thing to say global pandemic.
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.127033
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have 2 young kids. we live in israel. i was born and raised in ramat gan (right by tel aviv). my wife is originally from minnesota, usa. she was an american jew who did an internship in tel aviv and never left. we have a happy marriage. so here is where the conflict begins. my wife wants to take our children to america to visit her parents for christmas this year. apparently, even though they are a fully jewish family, christmas is still a fun tradition for them. as i grew up in a country without christmas and come from a long line of rabbis (despite being nonreligious myself), this is very hard for me to understand. i told my wife that i do not want our kids to be going on an expensive trip abroad just to celebrate a christian holiday. we can go plenty of times during the year (when the prices will be cheaper anyway) especially during our numerous jewish holidays. we conflicted but we eventually came to the agreement that she will take the kids to america then but i will stay home. one of the things that made me understand the need for a compromise on this is that exposing children to other cultures is always a good thing. i am particularly interested in other cultures and traditions, so i am not actually opposed to exposing them to my children. i myself actually have two degrees in arabic and islamic studies and did a lot of research on this. because of this arrangement regarding christmas, i suggested we start exposing the kids also to these islamic cultures that i am interested in and studied intensively in my younger years. i spoke with an arab friend of mine and he invited us to come visit during prayers at his mosque. i accepted the offer excitedly. i told this to my wife and also suggested a trip to istanbul this summer, but she flipped out. she said there is no way "her" (not our) children are going anywhere near a mosque. she also added that christmas is important for her family (despite them being jewish), so they have to do it but i have no "actual" connection to anything islamic (besides being fascinated with it and having studied it intensively) so the kids shouldn't be exposed to it. i responded that she was being hypocritical, and this was my way of not only widening the perspectives of the children but also bonding with them over my intellectual and cultural interests. this is extra important considering the unfortunate misconceptions about muslims that currently exist here in israel due to the conflicts. besides, why should they be exposed to one foreign culture or religion and not another? my wife is pissed with me and she is accusing me of trying to spite her on this. her friends think i'm an ah, and a weirdo. the reactions of my friends and family are pretty mixed. so now i'm asking strangers on reddit. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have 2 young kids. we live in israel. i was born and raised in ramat gan (right by tel aviv). my wife is originally from minnesota, usa. she was an american jew who did an internship in tel aviv and never left. we have a happy marriage. so here is where the conflict begins. my wife wants to take our children to america to visit her parents for christmas this year. apparently, even though they are a fully jewish family, christmas is still a fun tradition for them. as i grew up in a country without christmas and come from a long line of rabbis (despite being nonreligious myself), this is very hard for me to understand. i told my wife that i do not want our kids to be going on an expensive trip abroad just to celebrate a christian holiday. we can go plenty of times during the year (when the prices will be cheaper anyway) especially during our numerous jewish holidays. we conflicted but we eventually came to the agreement that she will take the kids to america then but i will stay home. one of the things that made me understand the need for a compromise on this is that exposing children to other cultures is always a good thing. i am particularly interested in other cultures and traditions, so i am not actually opposed to exposing them to my children. i myself actually have two degrees in arabic and islamic studies and did a lot of research on this. because of this arrangement regarding christmas, i suggested we start exposing the kids also to these islamic cultures that i am interested in and studied intensively in my younger years. i spoke with an arab friend of mine and he invited us to come visit during prayers at his mosque. i accepted the offer excitedly. i told this to my wife and also suggested a trip to istanbul this summer, but she flipped out. she said there is no way "her" (not our) children are going anywhere near a mosque. she also added that christmas is important for her family (despite them being jewish), so they have to do it but i have no "actual" connection to anything islamic (besides being fascinated with it and having studied it intensively) so the kids shouldn't be exposed to it. i responded that she was being hypocritical, and this was my way of not only widening the perspectives of the children but also bonding with them over my intellectual and cultural interests. this is extra important considering the unfortunate misconceptions about muslims that currently exist here in israel due to the conflicts. besides, why should they be exposed to one foreign culture or religion and not another? my wife is pissed with me and she is accusing me of trying to spite her on this. her friends think i'm an ah, and a weirdo. the reactions of my friends and family are pretty mixed. so now i'm asking strangers on reddit. aita? [/INST] info- will they actually be taking them to church, christmas in the us without church is not very religion based, its more just about a big dinner and presents. if you want to expose them to something similar from islam the equivalent of a christmas celebration with jewish family would probably be more along the lines of ramadan/eid dinners or something like that. kids would probably get a better 'cultural' exposure from something like that anyway, most kids don't particularly enjoy religious services no matter the religion. </s>
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AITA for adopting my dad’s dog when he died, even though my wife didn’t want me to?
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my dad died of heart failure about two years ago. his long term domestic partner called to tell me he was on the way to the hospital but was certainly deceased. her health was poor and she died the same day, which i didn’t learn until much later when she was unreachable. i couldn’t get into the house and had to force the door. the dog was obviously orphaned. a cockapoo, small, easy, mild, 9 years old, no problems. i took the liberty of bringing her home.
my wife was a little shy of furious but very very angry. she said i should have asked her, that “it’s my house too!” i wouldn’t contradict that, but under the circumstances i was certain that she would understand. i was very hurt by her insensitivity. obviously i was somewhat stunned by grief and i couldn’t imagine anything other than adopting the dog myself. we own our home and already have two cats. as i said, she’s a low maintenance dog.
my wife persists to refuse to walk the dog saying “she’s not my dog”. occasionally she uses this incident to demonstrate how i’m a bully in the relationship. i have a hard time seeing in objectively. i’m over the grief and i just want some thoughts, so let me know.
clarification: it’s not really about expecting my wife to do dog chores. i just wanted to have an example of the strange dynamic. like in two years she has never walked the dog. not once. i have been bold enough to suggest it on occasion, such as when we had evening plans and she was already home but i was going to need to come home versus meeting up, or if i wasn’t feeling great. i’ve been surprised when she holds that boundary. i’m guessing she would walk her if i was incapacitated (she’d be pissed though). she doesn’t actually despise the dog. she chooses to give her treats and things. it’s not really about me expecting my wife to take care of the dog.
truly, still feel i had no excuse not to take the dog. it was a duty i welcomed. my wife didn’t want it but that wasn’t a suitable reason to defy my conscience. i’m majority yta so far. i’m certainly not impartial. so be it. i wanted the dog then also i couldn’t imagine being the son who send the dog to strangers or the humane society. most of the comments have been kind enough. thanks.
| 4,431
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zqbsvk/aita_for_adopting_my_dads_dog_when_he_died_even/
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2022-12-20 02:35:39
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esh should you have talked to wife? yes but grief. should she be behaving like this when you just lost your dad? absolutely not. how insensitive and cruel.
**
i missed that this is two years later. no - you can’t expect your wife to care for a dog she never wanted. in the beginning while you were grieving occasionally - yes. beyond that? no. to come around to? no you can’t expect her to suddenly want an animal she never wanted.
wife doesn’t sound like a dog person and you’re an ah for forcing them around each other.
it is your dog and your responsibility to take care of.
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nta. imo "my dad and his partner both dropped dead suddenly and orphaned a dog" is one of the very few acceptable reasons for bringing a dog home without discussing it first.
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info: when you say your wife refuses to walk the dog, are you pawning the dog chores off to her? she shouldn't be expected to care for an animal that she did not agree to, otherwise, i don't think there's any reason for her to not allow you to keep the dog
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soft yta. i get why you did what you did, but she definitely should have been consulted first and it's fair for her to be angry about it. don't rub it in by trying to force her to walk the dog. unless it's an emergency, you should be doing 100% of the dog care.
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yta. you brought in a dog without care or consideration or discussion with your wife. its her house too. then you're mad because she won't walk the dog? she's right, it is your dog. you don't get to impose an animal on her unwillingly and then demand she take responsibility for it no matter how low maintenance you think it is. she never agreed to it. you did sort of use your grief to bully your way into keeping the dog. i don't see how expecting you to care for the animal you adopted on your own makes her insensitive.
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yta
a dog is a big responsibility and *both* partners need to be on board before bringing anything home permanently. also existing pets come before newly adopted ones. it wouldn't be fair to the cats if the dog stresses them out or something.
imo you should have asked relatives first if they were willing to take in the dog.
if she wants nothing to do with the dog no matter what then it's absolutely fair. you wanted the dog now you can care 100% for it too.
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yta, man i am so sorry for your loss, but you can't just unilaterally decide to get a pet.
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yta - some people are not dog people. we cat people love that our pets basically look after themselves - dogs need a lot of attention. i would be annoyed if my husband brought home a dog - i don't want one in my house. regardless of the circumstances - it's a decision we both have to make. long after your grief has subsided, the dog will still be there, and that is the problem.
that is all she can see. don't expect her to look after it, walk it, or anything. you didn't ask her, so don't expect her to just come around.
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yta it is her home too and she has a say on if additional animals are brought into the home
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soft yta.
it would be different if it was “i’m keeping the dog *until we find it a home*” or better arrangement. but adopting a pet without a conversation isn’t cool and idk why you’re surprised she isn’t willing to help you take care of it.
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.077718
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad died of heart failure about two years ago. his long term domestic partner called to tell me he was on the way to the hospital but was certainly deceased. her health was poor and she died the same day, which i didn’t learn until much later when she was unreachable. i couldn’t get into the house and had to force the door. the dog was obviously orphaned. a cockapoo, small, easy, mild, 9 years old, no problems. i took the liberty of bringing her home. my wife was a little shy of furious but very very angry. she said i should have asked her, that “it’s my house too!” i wouldn’t contradict that, but under the circumstances i was certain that she would understand. i was very hurt by her insensitivity. obviously i was somewhat stunned by grief and i couldn’t imagine anything other than adopting the dog myself. we own our home and already have two cats. as i said, she’s a low maintenance dog. my wife persists to refuse to walk the dog saying “she’s not my dog”. occasionally she uses this incident to demonstrate how i’m a bully in the relationship. i have a hard time seeing in objectively. i’m over the grief and i just want some thoughts, so let me know. clarification: it’s not really about expecting my wife to do dog chores. i just wanted to have an example of the strange dynamic. like in two years she has never walked the dog. not once. i have been bold enough to suggest it on occasion, such as when we had evening plans and she was already home but i was going to need to come home versus meeting up, or if i wasn’t feeling great. i’ve been surprised when she holds that boundary. i’m guessing she would walk her if i was incapacitated (she’d be pissed though). she doesn’t actually despise the dog. she chooses to give her treats and things. it’s not really about me expecting my wife to take care of the dog. truly, still feel i had no excuse not to take the dog. it was a duty i welcomed. my wife didn’t want it but that wasn’t a suitable reason to defy my conscience. i’m majority yta so far. i’m certainly not impartial. so be it. i wanted the dog then also i couldn’t imagine being the son who send the dog to strangers or the humane society. most of the comments have been kind enough. thanks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad died of heart failure about two years ago. his long term domestic partner called to tell me he was on the way to the hospital but was certainly deceased. her health was poor and she died the same day, which i didn’t learn until much later when she was unreachable. i couldn’t get into the house and had to force the door. the dog was obviously orphaned. a cockapoo, small, easy, mild, 9 years old, no problems. i took the liberty of bringing her home. my wife was a little shy of furious but very very angry. she said i should have asked her, that “it’s my house too!” i wouldn’t contradict that, but under the circumstances i was certain that she would understand. i was very hurt by her insensitivity. obviously i was somewhat stunned by grief and i couldn’t imagine anything other than adopting the dog myself. we own our home and already have two cats. as i said, she’s a low maintenance dog. my wife persists to refuse to walk the dog saying “she’s not my dog”. occasionally she uses this incident to demonstrate how i’m a bully in the relationship. i have a hard time seeing in objectively. i’m over the grief and i just want some thoughts, so let me know. clarification: it’s not really about expecting my wife to do dog chores. i just wanted to have an example of the strange dynamic. like in two years she has never walked the dog. not once. i have been bold enough to suggest it on occasion, such as when we had evening plans and she was already home but i was going to need to come home versus meeting up, or if i wasn’t feeling great. i’ve been surprised when she holds that boundary. i’m guessing she would walk her if i was incapacitated (she’d be pissed though). she doesn’t actually despise the dog. she chooses to give her treats and things. it’s not really about me expecting my wife to take care of the dog. truly, still feel i had no excuse not to take the dog. it was a duty i welcomed. my wife didn’t want it but that wasn’t a suitable reason to defy my conscience. i’m majority yta so far. i’m certainly not impartial. so be it. i wanted the dog then also i couldn’t imagine being the son who send the dog to strangers or the humane society. most of the comments have been kind enough. thanks. [/INST] esh should you have talked to wife? yes but grief. should she be behaving like this when you just lost your dad? absolutely not. how insensitive and cruel. ** i missed that this is two years later. no - you can’t expect your wife to care for a dog she never wanted. in the beginning while you were grieving occasionally - yes. beyond that? no. to come around to? no you can’t expect her to suddenly want an animal she never wanted. wife doesn’t sound like a dog person and you’re an ah for forcing them around each other. it is your dog and your responsibility to take care of. </s>
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AITA for not letting my boyfriend eat dinner with my family after he brought his own Utensils?
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i (f27) started seeing my boyfriend (m31) for 8 months. he comes from a well off family and has met my parents a while ago and got along well. though he didn't eat well at dinner and said he was sick. they invited him over for the second time this past week to town.
everything went well til we arrived. he stopped the car, turned it off then pulled a bag from under his seat. i asked about it and he opened it and revealed utinsels - fork, knife, napkin, set of spoons. i asked why he was brought them and he said because he wated to use them for dinner. i was baffled i said dinner? at my parents table? he nodded and i told him this isn't acceptable infact, this was distasteful and i won't let him do this. he got upset and said i should chill, this stuff is expensive and is good brand and claimed my parents wouldn't overreact like i did, and will not say anything. i said no this is so insulting and i wouldn't allow him to enter my parents house much less....put these utensils at their table. i asked him if he thought my family were unhygenic and he said no. he said we were getting late but i insisted he couldn't have dinner with us like that. he sid he won't enter the house then. i said fine and got out of the car and went inside the house.
he texted me saying i was being dramatic for no reason and pressured me to let him come in and bring the utensils with him but i refused. he said he'd tell my parents but i didn't reply. eventually he left and went to the hotel and waited til i returned..then went off saying i stopped him from having dinner with my parents over a petty reason, i said he could've had dinner if he left his utensils in the car. he said it's all on me, i wasted his time on this trip and ruined the visit.
aita for not letting him bring them?
| 5,620
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u1xa0p/aita_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_eat_dinner_with/
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2022-04-12 11:54:18
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info: okay, obviously, we need to know why. why the hell did he bring utensils. what was his reasoning. we need to know! please reply!
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does he take his own cutlery to restaurants? because unless he takes his own cutlery everywhere, that is super insulting to your family. nta.
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does your boyfriend have ocd or another mental health condition that would explain this behaviour? if he has a genuine problem then his need to bring his own cutlery is fine. otherwise you are definitely nta and your boyfriend is a nut job
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nta.
i think the bigger red flag in this situation is that he didn't seem to understand how rude his actions would come across! i mean seriously who the heck takes their own cutlery to someone else's home.
in fact the only time this would be acceptable, is if her were a small child going through that typical phase of only wanting to use certain utensils/dishes etc. or if he is on the spectrum and unusual textures etc. trigger him. (and if this were the case you would already be well aware of this, and could have worked with him)
at a push it would have been more acceptable of him to do this, if he had given you valid and understandable reasons for why he wished to use his own utensils, but from the way this reads he didn't give you an explanation. he just wanted you to act like it wasn't a big deal.
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nta. what a wackadoodle.
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nta. your parents should have plenty of utensils of their own. info: do you know why he wanted to bring his own utensils?
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info. do you know why he might've done that?
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info: do you know why he wanted to bring his own utensils?
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esh. is it weird of him to be bringing his own silverware, even if he was willing to explain why? of course. but that’s all it is: weird. it’s not some dire insult unless you make it one. more importantly, it’s not your problem. let him be weird, and if your family wants to know what’s going on, direct any and all questions to him. you can decide whether you want to invite him back or not after dinner.
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info: do you know why he brought them?
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
|
INFO
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ESH
|
INFO
| 0.171787
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f27) started seeing my boyfriend (m31) for 8 months. he comes from a well off family and has met my parents a while ago and got along well. though he didn't eat well at dinner and said he was sick. they invited him over for the second time this past week to town. everything went well til we arrived. he stopped the car, turned it off then pulled a bag from under his seat. i asked about it and he opened it and revealed utinsels - fork, knife, napkin, set of spoons. i asked why he was brought them and he said because he wated to use them for dinner. i was baffled i said dinner? at my parents table? he nodded and i told him this isn't acceptable infact, this was distasteful and i won't let him do this. he got upset and said i should chill, this stuff is expensive and is good brand and claimed my parents wouldn't overreact like i did, and will not say anything. i said no this is so insulting and i wouldn't allow him to enter my parents house much less....put these utensils at their table. i asked him if he thought my family were unhygenic and he said no. he said we were getting late but i insisted he couldn't have dinner with us like that. he sid he won't enter the house then. i said fine and got out of the car and went inside the house. he texted me saying i was being dramatic for no reason and pressured me to let him come in and bring the utensils with him but i refused. he said he'd tell my parents but i didn't reply. eventually he left and went to the hotel and waited til i returned..then went off saying i stopped him from having dinner with my parents over a petty reason, i said he could've had dinner if he left his utensils in the car. he said it's all on me, i wasted his time on this trip and ruined the visit. aita for not letting him bring them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f27) started seeing my boyfriend (m31) for 8 months. he comes from a well off family and has met my parents a while ago and got along well. though he didn't eat well at dinner and said he was sick. they invited him over for the second time this past week to town. everything went well til we arrived. he stopped the car, turned it off then pulled a bag from under his seat. i asked about it and he opened it and revealed utinsels - fork, knife, napkin, set of spoons. i asked why he was brought them and he said because he wated to use them for dinner. i was baffled i said dinner? at my parents table? he nodded and i told him this isn't acceptable infact, this was distasteful and i won't let him do this. he got upset and said i should chill, this stuff is expensive and is good brand and claimed my parents wouldn't overreact like i did, and will not say anything. i said no this is so insulting and i wouldn't allow him to enter my parents house much less....put these utensils at their table. i asked him if he thought my family were unhygenic and he said no. he said we were getting late but i insisted he couldn't have dinner with us like that. he sid he won't enter the house then. i said fine and got out of the car and went inside the house. he texted me saying i was being dramatic for no reason and pressured me to let him come in and bring the utensils with him but i refused. he said he'd tell my parents but i didn't reply. eventually he left and went to the hotel and waited til i returned..then went off saying i stopped him from having dinner with my parents over a petty reason, i said he could've had dinner if he left his utensils in the car. he said it's all on me, i wasted his time on this trip and ruined the visit. aita for not letting him bring them? [/INST] info: okay, obviously, we need to know why. why the hell did he bring utensils. what was his reasoning. we need to know! please reply! </s>
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AITA for making a punny "wall of shame" for people who stole from my mom's garden?
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my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess.
anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said
"oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew!
and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy"
. i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen
but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him.
i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty.
another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off.
anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed.
aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?
| 31,282
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mua3bp/aita_for_making_a_punny_wall_of_shame_for_people/
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2021-04-19 20:44:39
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nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.)
not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero.
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nta. if they don't like it, they can get clover it.
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nta. don't do the crime if you can't do the thyme!
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nta
this sounds like a hilarious way to call people out for stealing from someone's property. sounds like some of these people are ruining the garden and not just taking a flower here and there.
to the parent complaining about his sons picture being there, he should have his son apologize to your mom in order to get his picture down. maybe even have the son bring your mom some flowers (parents can buy some if he can't) as a way to show he is actually sorry. going straight to how it's public shaming instead of telling his son not to steal from other people is kind of funny.
doubt your mom would have minded if the kid said he wanted a couple flowers for his sick gf as long as he actually asked her first.
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brilliant! you and your mom rock. it may be "petty", but they're committing petty theft. these people should be publicly shamed, at least in your neighborhood, and its not like you're blasting them on social media. nta.
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nta. i think this is boss. a local video store used to have a wall of shame for people who never returned videos and it was pretty good prevention for me at least.
has anyone who didn’t steal from you complain about it?
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nta, but i would sit with your mum and discuss how to get off the wall of shame. is it after some period of time? an apology and compensation? etc. so when people come to ask to be removed you can explain the process.
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i'd say nta, i'm assuming these are adults who know better than to steal that are being shamed? also regarding the guy's kid who's a minor, he should be teaching his child not to steal it doesn't matter if it was just flowers he shouldn't have touched them.
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nta because they literally stole from you guys. to take proper cuttings or to take the roses, you need some tools of sorts which requires the forethought of “i’m taking something that isn’t mine without permission.” stores in my area have a “board of beer shame” of those who either stole or attempted to steal alcohol so it’s not like this is a new idea, although you’re puns were great. besides, who brings back a useless chunk of a plant they stole? what did they expect, that you’d just gorilla glue that baby back on?
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nta. . . . but bordering on esh. at the point that someone apologizes and tries to make it right, especially if it's a kid, you should probably take it down, especially if it was a cutting and not stealing a whole ass potted plant. but it doesn't sound like these people were particularly apologetic, just demanding, so they can eff off. if i were you and your mom, i'd tell the kid he can work it off with an hour of work in the garden, and the adult that she can bring a full and healthy new plant to replace the one she damaged, and then take them down.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop? [/INST] nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.) not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero. </s>
|
AITA for siding with my (38f) kids (11+14) over my husband's (37m) family crest
|
i know this isn't going to make sense so some background info. my husband didn't have much family growing up with just his dad and brother, and one of the things that his dad did to try and bond was to create a family logo or crest so that he could be proud of himself and his family. they all used it on letters and alongside signatures etc. and my husband uses it now as his email signature too. it's unusual but i always quite liked the quirkiness of it and being proud of your family and having something like that isn't something many people can claim.
the argument has come with our kids who are saying that they don't like when he uses it for letters to school and that they are embarrassed. they also are resistant to the idea they could also use it and show the world they are proud to display it.
i've sided with my kids so far. it's hard enough being a kid at school without having a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of. and said that as they get older they may come around to the idea and want to get more involved. for my husband this feels like a rejection from his kids and he is really upset at me for not understanding how important this is and it's a huge part of his identity.
please. i don't want to know whether my kids are assholes they aren't the question. they are just kids who are embarrassed and struggling with social life at school. should i have been more supportive of my husband though or am i right in taking the flack and letting him be upset with me rather than them?
| 455
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rrar67/aita_for_siding_with_my_38f_kids_1114_over_my/
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2021-12-29 15:30:45
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info
> our kids who are saying that they don't like when he uses it for letters to school and that they are embarrassed.
> a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of.
i'm really confused here, because correspondence between a parent and school administration is something that *other students would never see*, so who are the people your children are concerned will make fun of them? their teachers and school staff?
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nta. do you live as a noble in 17th century france? because if not, it’s highly unusual for a family crest to (a) be a thing that exists and (b) be a thing someone bases their identity on.
if your husband wants to use it, that’s on him; but he shouldn’t be surprised if his kids don’t want to be a part of it and they definitely shouldn’t be pressured to use it.
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nah, your kids are currently embarrassed by dad’s quirk. if he backs off for now they might come around as they get older. if he pushes it they are likely to always reject it.
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nta. that’s cringe. it’s like when people name their kids the 2nd or the 3rd. get over yourselves.
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nah. it is weird and quirky but if your husband likes it, cool. the kids also have the right to be embarrassed by it. i do think he needs to lay off a bit because the more he pushes it, the less they are going to want to use it as adults.
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pretentious, and utterly against all the rules of actual heraldry. all your husband is doing is making himself look like an idiot, who has no idea what the actual significance of a family crest is or is for. i cringe with sympathetic embarrassment for him.
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[deleted]
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nta.
i had a boss who once started a convo about family crests and starts asking a (white) colleague about his. he promptly responded that his grandad grew up on a council estate and his family didn't have one. the whole conversation came off as weird and out of touch especially since a large proportion of the team was not white. it definitely made me view her in a new light and frankly i was a bit embarrassed for her.
if anyone i knew started drawing a family crest next to their signature i would definitely raise a brow and think they were being pretentious. i would think that family crests would be reserved for occasions like weddings etc. a family crest is out of place on a school form or on an email signature - it's not a company logo.
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nta
you put it best yourself - "it's hard enough being a kid at school without having a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of".
it's different, kids will make fun of it at that age. it sucks, but that's kids. this shouldn't forced upon your kids. keep standing up for their interests in a delicate matter. particularly when it comes to them having to show the world - if they want to do that it's 1 thing. but please don't make them
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so let's be clear. your husband wants to be an aristocrat. because that's the only context in which family crest makes sense. peasants didn't have those. he wants to be an aristocrat so much, he builds his whole identity around it.
an aristocrat is a person who by the mere fact of being such is better than any non-aristocrat. with this regard, your husband is being ridiculous, snobbish and shallow. as, firstly, aristocracy as a concept is outdated, modern elites do not underline their privilege. secondly, he can't be an aristocrat and as such looks like a ridiculous wannabe. naturally, laughing stock, molière material.
he definitely puts your family in an interesting, or should i say embarrassing position. good on your kids of having none of this 'i'm better than you' bullshit. good on you siding with them. perhaps, tell him to knock it off.
nta
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.022097
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know this isn't going to make sense so some background info. my husband didn't have much family growing up with just his dad and brother, and one of the things that his dad did to try and bond was to create a family logo or crest so that he could be proud of himself and his family. they all used it on letters and alongside signatures etc. and my husband uses it now as his email signature too. it's unusual but i always quite liked the quirkiness of it and being proud of your family and having something like that isn't something many people can claim. the argument has come with our kids who are saying that they don't like when he uses it for letters to school and that they are embarrassed. they also are resistant to the idea they could also use it and show the world they are proud to display it. i've sided with my kids so far. it's hard enough being a kid at school without having a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of. and said that as they get older they may come around to the idea and want to get more involved. for my husband this feels like a rejection from his kids and he is really upset at me for not understanding how important this is and it's a huge part of his identity. please. i don't want to know whether my kids are assholes they aren't the question. they are just kids who are embarrassed and struggling with social life at school. should i have been more supportive of my husband though or am i right in taking the flack and letting him be upset with me rather than them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know this isn't going to make sense so some background info. my husband didn't have much family growing up with just his dad and brother, and one of the things that his dad did to try and bond was to create a family logo or crest so that he could be proud of himself and his family. they all used it on letters and alongside signatures etc. and my husband uses it now as his email signature too. it's unusual but i always quite liked the quirkiness of it and being proud of your family and having something like that isn't something many people can claim. the argument has come with our kids who are saying that they don't like when he uses it for letters to school and that they are embarrassed. they also are resistant to the idea they could also use it and show the world they are proud to display it. i've sided with my kids so far. it's hard enough being a kid at school without having a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of. and said that as they get older they may come around to the idea and want to get more involved. for my husband this feels like a rejection from his kids and he is really upset at me for not understanding how important this is and it's a huge part of his identity. please. i don't want to know whether my kids are assholes they aren't the question. they are just kids who are embarrassed and struggling with social life at school. should i have been more supportive of my husband though or am i right in taking the flack and letting him be upset with me rather than them? [/INST] info > our kids who are saying that they don't like when he uses it for letters to school and that they are embarrassed. > a weird quirk people can latch onto and make fun of. i'm really confused here, because correspondence between a parent and school administration is something that *other students would never see*, so who are the people your children are concerned will make fun of them? their teachers and school staff? </s>
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AITA for asking my grieving husband if he has feelings for his best friend?
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throwaway because some friends know my u/. i’ll leave out a few details because the whole thing is already painful to talk about. eng is not my first language.
my (27f) husband (a) (29m) is kind, funny and handsome so he's always been quite popular - we usually hang out with the same 10-15 people he’s close with. but 6 years ago, he met a guy his age (b) at a work conference with various companies. said guy was extremely smart, cute, a bit more reserved but still just as loveable. they immediately hit it off and after a year, even started calling themselves soulmates. soon enough it was a given in our group that my husband and his newfound best friend wouldn’t usually do an activity without each other. b would often stop by our place as well, and our kids (6m, 4f) and i enjoyed his visits because he was such a sweetheart.
unfortunately, just 3 years ago b died in a serious accident because of a drunk driver. our family was obviously crushed by the news.
i gave my husband the space he needed and offered him all the help and support i could give; but i started to worry after the 1st year. then, i got frustrated after the 2nd year. now, it’s the 3rd year and i’m going crazy because it just doesn’t seem normal to me.
he’s always been a doting father but he hasn’t played with our kids more than once during those three years. i often see him spacing out and looking/holding things that belonged to b. he wakes up in the middle of the night and leaves the bedroom to cry. i feel like he doesn’t see me or more importantly, our kids, anymore - like everything stopped mattering. and while he keeps working the same hours, i’ve been told by one of his closest friends (who works at the company) that the quality of his work constantly deteriorates.
i assumed that maybe the issue runs deeper than i’d thought and asked him if he’d be ready to go to therapy, but nada. soon after we had dinner while the kids were at his sister’s (she lives next door) and he gave me attention, which i appreciated - but while we were kissing he broke down and shut himself in our bedroom, while constantly apologising.
the day after i sat him down and asked him seriously if it’s possible that he’s had romantic feelings for b. he went off on me- said i was out of line, that i’m ridiculous for being jealous of his best friend who's forever gone, that i should know he’s straight and that he’s disappointed in me.
i feel like i deserved to express my concerns after such a long time but a lot of our friends, who know how sensible the situation is and how devastated my husband is, think i should’ve never said something that intrusive and speculative. they've called me an asshole for doing this to him.
so aita for saying such a thing to my husband considering all that’s happened?
| 3,249
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3nb4y/aita_for_asking_my_grieving_husband_if_he_has/
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2020-04-18 13:13:32
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nah. your friends don't know what you know. whether your husband was in love with his friend or not, it's a problem that everything "stopped mattering" when he died, and that he can no longer show affection to his children or his wife. therapy is really a must at this point, and i think if he won't go you should go yourself and get some advice about how to approach this serious crisis.
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nah
it was a reasonable conclusion to come to given the story you've outlined.
it might even be true but your husband cannot face it.
it might be more complicated than just straight up "romantic" feelings. there's every possibility he did feel like he found his platonic ideal soul brother in this man, that had nothing to do with wanting man on man physical action.
or maybe it did? this whole situation is very sad and i'm so sorry.
cliché but true: therapy should be investigated. solo for both of you, and couples as well.
whatever feelings for b your husband had or didn't have, felt or didn't feel, the fact is — b is gone. he's never coming back, and it sucks. it sounds like your husband has not dealt with his grief, and he needs to, or he will grieve for the rest of his life.
good luck op. your love for your husband and family shines through your words and i'm rooting for all of you.
edit — for english not being your first language, can i just say: wow. you write real good. ;)
|
nta!!!!! 3 years?! years?? his children are muchhhh more important than a best friend mind you. i love my best friend, i don’t know what i would do without her, but i sure as hell would not ignore my family for 3 years if she passed. i understand everyone is different, but that is way too long and seems deeper. tbh you need to tell him to either go to therapy or do something, because his children need him and so do you.
|
yeah, he definitely need a therapy. perhaps couple therapy, but probably better if he goes to an individual one. tell him that his “torment” is taking a tolls on your marriage and the relationship needs mending. you guys shouldn’t ignore this anymore. it is only gonna get worse. have professional seek out what is going on.
nta,
fyi, based on what you said, i agreed with you ... i am not sure why he was so defensive. he could be bi and there is nothing wrong with that. but he should be open and truthful so these dark times can ends.
|
this is a really hard one, but ultimately i had to land on nta. while grief does not have a timeline and no one (including you obviously, given how much time you have waited to say something) would expect your husband to instantly bounce back from such a devastating loss, it has been three years and he is still checked out from his children. in my opinion, that justifies a "come to jesus" type of talk. i am not sure you took the right approach, but i also can't really blame you for trying to find an explanation for your husband's emotional abandonment.
i also think your friends kind of suck for winding you up and validating this idea that he was in love with his friend, then shaming you for doing something about it. they aren't the ones getting neglected and watching their kids getting neglected.
|
nta.
there is an actual disorder - i think it’s called prolonged grief disorder or complex bereavement syndrome - my half sister fell apart for a long time after a close friend died, and her behavior was a lot like you describe your husband’s grieving. somehow the loss was always fresh and new and she was just wrecked, including discontinuing ivf and losing her job because her productivity was so low. somehow her fiancé got her into therapy after nearly 5 years and it has really helped.
|
nah it’s was a legitimate question given the depth of his grieving/depression. he’s taking this especially hard and there’s a reason. what you suggested is one. there are probably others. regardless and as you know, he needs professional help. and it’s well within your purview to be intrusive and speculate. i would want my wife to do the same if i were in a serious depression.
|
nta op. it’s a very odd place for you to be right now. it seems like he’s still grieving like if he was a widow. i don’t think you did anything wrong. your friends are not living your daily family life so they don’t know your struggles so they can’t have judgement towards you. i can only imagine how this is affecting you and your children. i’m sorry this is happening to you. i’d suggest counselling again but he’s not willing to try getting better for you and your family’s sake i’d reconsider the relationship not only with him but also with your friends. stay strong op.
|
nah. grief and love are complicated. i have a friend like b - there has never been anything romantic or physical between us, and i would probably describe us as platonic soul mates. we both experienced trauma in childhood, and i think that deep down we are very similar in some basic, instinctive way. it isn’t something you’d want in a partner - we each have partners we’re in love with that are right for us in every way - but if we were at the end of the world and i wasn’t going to make it, he’s the person i’d ask to look out for all of my other loved ones. because he understands who i am on a fundamental level, and i know he’d do for them everything i would.
if he died, i’d probably be just as devastated as your husband. it would shatter something in me that would take time to rebuild. and if my partner asked me if i’d had feelings for him, i’m sure i’d feel wounded, because it would feel like he was asking if i was unfaithful.
but your question is not wrong. you have every right and reason to wonder about it at this point. so all i’ll say is that love is complicated. we can love people in very different ways - we don’t have the same feelings for parents or children that we do for partners, but the deaths of any of them can devastate us to the point of debilitation. he may have had feelings for him, or he may have just loved him in a different, but similarly powerful way. it may not be something he can parse out at this point.
whatever it was, you’re right that his way of dealing with grief is unhealthy and you weren’t wrong to ask. do everything you can to get him some help, but take care of yourself too. i wish you both the best.
|
nta. i hate to suggest this possibility, but have you considered he may actually have been having an intimate romantic relationship with b? it would certainly fit his behaviour since b's tragic death.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.009798
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because some friends know my u/. i’ll leave out a few details because the whole thing is already painful to talk about. eng is not my first language. my (27f) husband (a) (29m) is kind, funny and handsome so he's always been quite popular - we usually hang out with the same 10-15 people he’s close with. but 6 years ago, he met a guy his age (b) at a work conference with various companies. said guy was extremely smart, cute, a bit more reserved but still just as loveable. they immediately hit it off and after a year, even started calling themselves soulmates. soon enough it was a given in our group that my husband and his newfound best friend wouldn’t usually do an activity without each other. b would often stop by our place as well, and our kids (6m, 4f) and i enjoyed his visits because he was such a sweetheart. unfortunately, just 3 years ago b died in a serious accident because of a drunk driver. our family was obviously crushed by the news. i gave my husband the space he needed and offered him all the help and support i could give; but i started to worry after the 1st year. then, i got frustrated after the 2nd year. now, it’s the 3rd year and i’m going crazy because it just doesn’t seem normal to me. he’s always been a doting father but he hasn’t played with our kids more than once during those three years. i often see him spacing out and looking/holding things that belonged to b. he wakes up in the middle of the night and leaves the bedroom to cry. i feel like he doesn’t see me or more importantly, our kids, anymore - like everything stopped mattering. and while he keeps working the same hours, i’ve been told by one of his closest friends (who works at the company) that the quality of his work constantly deteriorates. i assumed that maybe the issue runs deeper than i’d thought and asked him if he’d be ready to go to therapy, but nada. soon after we had dinner while the kids were at his sister’s (she lives next door) and he gave me attention, which i appreciated - but while we were kissing he broke down and shut himself in our bedroom, while constantly apologising. the day after i sat him down and asked him seriously if it’s possible that he’s had romantic feelings for b. he went off on me- said i was out of line, that i’m ridiculous for being jealous of his best friend who's forever gone, that i should know he’s straight and that he’s disappointed in me. i feel like i deserved to express my concerns after such a long time but a lot of our friends, who know how sensible the situation is and how devastated my husband is, think i should’ve never said something that intrusive and speculative. they've called me an asshole for doing this to him. so aita for saying such a thing to my husband considering all that’s happened?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because some friends know my u/. i’ll leave out a few details because the whole thing is already painful to talk about. eng is not my first language. my (27f) husband (a) (29m) is kind, funny and handsome so he's always been quite popular - we usually hang out with the same 10-15 people he’s close with. but 6 years ago, he met a guy his age (b) at a work conference with various companies. said guy was extremely smart, cute, a bit more reserved but still just as loveable. they immediately hit it off and after a year, even started calling themselves soulmates. soon enough it was a given in our group that my husband and his newfound best friend wouldn’t usually do an activity without each other. b would often stop by our place as well, and our kids (6m, 4f) and i enjoyed his visits because he was such a sweetheart. unfortunately, just 3 years ago b died in a serious accident because of a drunk driver. our family was obviously crushed by the news. i gave my husband the space he needed and offered him all the help and support i could give; but i started to worry after the 1st year. then, i got frustrated after the 2nd year. now, it’s the 3rd year and i’m going crazy because it just doesn’t seem normal to me. he’s always been a doting father but he hasn’t played with our kids more than once during those three years. i often see him spacing out and looking/holding things that belonged to b. he wakes up in the middle of the night and leaves the bedroom to cry. i feel like he doesn’t see me or more importantly, our kids, anymore - like everything stopped mattering. and while he keeps working the same hours, i’ve been told by one of his closest friends (who works at the company) that the quality of his work constantly deteriorates. i assumed that maybe the issue runs deeper than i’d thought and asked him if he’d be ready to go to therapy, but nada. soon after we had dinner while the kids were at his sister’s (she lives next door) and he gave me attention, which i appreciated - but while we were kissing he broke down and shut himself in our bedroom, while constantly apologising. the day after i sat him down and asked him seriously if it’s possible that he’s had romantic feelings for b. he went off on me- said i was out of line, that i’m ridiculous for being jealous of his best friend who's forever gone, that i should know he’s straight and that he’s disappointed in me. i feel like i deserved to express my concerns after such a long time but a lot of our friends, who know how sensible the situation is and how devastated my husband is, think i should’ve never said something that intrusive and speculative. they've called me an asshole for doing this to him. so aita for saying such a thing to my husband considering all that’s happened? [/INST] nah. your friends don't know what you know. whether your husband was in love with his friend or not, it's a problem that everything "stopped mattering" when he died, and that he can no longer show affection to his children or his wife. therapy is really a must at this point, and i think if he won't go you should go yourself and get some advice about how to approach this serious crisis. </s>
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AITA For Bribing a Guy into an Arranged Marriage?
|
for background i am a 22 year old woman from a large middle eastern nation. in my culture arranged marriages are quite common amongst the religious population.
&#x200b;
i attend a prestigious private university in one of the most populous cities in our region of the world. my family is very well off as my father is the ceo of one of the most successful holdings in our nation. i am studying engineering and in my faculty there is a man who i will refer to as ali. ali is syrian and sought refuge in our country. he came here with his two young sisters and his mother. his father passed away in the syrian war. his family currently lives in a small single bedroom apartment and are supported by my countries government aid. he has a sponsor so he can attend my university.
&#x200b;
ali and i are both studying civil engineering. i have been in love with him since grade 1 of university. the problem is he has deep feelings for a syrian girl who also ran away to my country. she doesn't want to be with him as far as i know. since we are nearing graduation, i want to tell him that if he lets her go and chooses to start a relationship with me then him and his family would be financially secure for life. i want to propose this idea to him and his mother. i am not technically persuading him to marry me, but if he does he would be saving his family from ever having to go back to syria. and he would know this. aita for making this offer?
| 12,603
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3jdqi/aita_for_bribing_a_guy_into_an_arranged_marriage/
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2019-06-22 01:20:19
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nah.
i think this may be above reddit's pay grade.
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nah-you can ask, but do you really want a guy that would only be with you for money?
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yta.
is this really what you want for yourself? if you were both entering this relationship on a transactional level, that would be fine. if you were both marrying for love, that too would be fine. but mixing the two is a recipe for disaster. you want something of this man that he cannot give. you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. additionally, you're preying on his desperation in a way that is...morally ambiguous...to say the least.
|
info - is it an arranged marriage if you arrange it yourself? that’s basically a proposal. considering how prestigious your family is, you’re not concerned about their approval?
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i have no idea how to judge this
|
yta. i come from a middle eastern country too.. i haven’t lived in the mena region for a while, but i still frequently visit. you’re an asshole. you are literally leveraging your family name, associations, power, and money to this man. you cannot propose to him on your own, your parents will do it for you to his family. you say you’re not forcing him but you are not taking into account that he will be inclined to accept anyways for a number of reasons. his family might tell him this is a good opportunity for them/him. he might feel obligated to protect them and provide for them, and as you said his status wherever you live is tenuous at best; they are building their lives in your country, if he marries you he can be sure that they won’t be displaced again. you aren’t even stating the cultural pressure for people to marry in the middle east- which you obviously know exists.
another question for you. how do you know you love him? are you friends? have you hung out? and if you do get engaged and start to date, what happens if you dissolve the engagement? what happens if he decides he doesn’t like you and dissolves the engagement? what will you do? what will your family do? you don’t seem to care about this other woman he likes- you’ve taken a passing fancy of this man and decided you want to marry him so screw everyone else.
you are incredibly selfish and entitled and definitely an asshole. look at how you titled your post: bribing into marriage. don’t pretend like you don’t know what the outcome would be.
i literally could never and would never even think about doing this to someone else. even more so to someone i “loved”. you are rich enough to choose whoever you want and all your parents want is for you to be happy, but what about ali? you are so selfish you’re literally placing your own happiness over his.
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yta. the security of someone’s family is a huge thing to use as a bribe. people force themselves into situations they are not comfortable in for things like that. it’s a horrible situation to put him in.
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yta.
if he was starving, through no fault of yours, and you offer him food on the condition that he fuck you, that’s horrible and disgusting. he has the right to refuse! but he’s not going to and you know it.
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you'd be leveraging the threat to his family to secure a marriage. yeah seems like a dick move. yta.
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yta if you use the security of his family as a bargaining chip to force a relationship.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.127033
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for background i am a 22 year old woman from a large middle eastern nation. in my culture arranged marriages are quite common amongst the religious population. &#x200b; i attend a prestigious private university in one of the most populous cities in our region of the world. my family is very well off as my father is the ceo of one of the most successful holdings in our nation. i am studying engineering and in my faculty there is a man who i will refer to as ali. ali is syrian and sought refuge in our country. he came here with his two young sisters and his mother. his father passed away in the syrian war. his family currently lives in a small single bedroom apartment and are supported by my countries government aid. he has a sponsor so he can attend my university. &#x200b; ali and i are both studying civil engineering. i have been in love with him since grade 1 of university. the problem is he has deep feelings for a syrian girl who also ran away to my country. she doesn't want to be with him as far as i know. since we are nearing graduation, i want to tell him that if he lets her go and chooses to start a relationship with me then him and his family would be financially secure for life. i want to propose this idea to him and his mother. i am not technically persuading him to marry me, but if he does he would be saving his family from ever having to go back to syria. and he would know this. aita for making this offer?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for background i am a 22 year old woman from a large middle eastern nation. in my culture arranged marriages are quite common amongst the religious population. &#x200b; i attend a prestigious private university in one of the most populous cities in our region of the world. my family is very well off as my father is the ceo of one of the most successful holdings in our nation. i am studying engineering and in my faculty there is a man who i will refer to as ali. ali is syrian and sought refuge in our country. he came here with his two young sisters and his mother. his father passed away in the syrian war. his family currently lives in a small single bedroom apartment and are supported by my countries government aid. he has a sponsor so he can attend my university. &#x200b; ali and i are both studying civil engineering. i have been in love with him since grade 1 of university. the problem is he has deep feelings for a syrian girl who also ran away to my country. she doesn't want to be with him as far as i know. since we are nearing graduation, i want to tell him that if he lets her go and chooses to start a relationship with me then him and his family would be financially secure for life. i want to propose this idea to him and his mother. i am not technically persuading him to marry me, but if he does he would be saving his family from ever having to go back to syria. and he would know this. aita for making this offer? [/INST] nah. i think this may be above reddit's pay grade. </s>
|
AITA for "snitching" on a coworker for spitting on a customer's food?
|
i work as a server at a popular chain restaurant. last saturday it was a very stressful day as we were extremely busy. one of my coworkers, let's call her tanya, was in an especially bad mood due to the amount of customers assigned to her section.
the issue started when one of the customers ordered chicken strips with buffalo sauce on the side. as tanya was walking with her tray of food, the sauce dish tipped over and spilled some buffalo sauce over the customer's fries and basked potato.
i'm guessing she didn't think it was a big deal to have some hot sauce on your potatoes. so she brought it to the customer anyway.
well the customer eventually called her back and asked for new fries and a new potato because they didn't want buffalo sauce all over their food. tanya came back to the kitchen unreasonably upset. she was complaining about spoiled people, wasting food, extra work, and things like that.
the cook made a new plate of food and as tanya was walking out of the kitchen she stuck out her tongue and spit little flecks of spit all over the customer's food. i was shocked because i'd never actually seen someone do that in real life. i thought that kind of thing only happened in movies and tv shows. i was even more surprised that she did it during a pandemic.
at the end of my shift i told my boss what i saw and he had a talk with tanya afterwards.
now everyone i work with knows that i did this, since my boss told tanya that i saw her spit on the food. they're all calling me a snitch. tanya herself calls me "the snitch" if she ever has to refer to me, she no longer speaks to me at all.
i believe even my boss isn't happy that i "snitched", though he hasn't said anything directly. i just feel a whole different vibe from him now.
it's gotten to the point where i basically lost all of my work friends due to snitching. i'm not sure they will ever get over this because of how legitimately upset everyone is. i'm considering finding a new job because it has gotten so bad.
am i the asshole for "snitching"? should i have just talked to tanya privately and not told her boss?
| 7,127
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mnh20i/aita_for_snitching_on_a_coworker_for_spitting_on/
|
2021-04-09 13:21:01
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esh.
you, for letting her serve food with spit in it to a customer and waiting to report it to your manager.
her, obviously, for spitting in a customer's food over a very reasonable request.
your manager, for not keeping your report confidential and not firing tanya's ass for this.
all of your co-workers for thinking snitching is a bigger deal than being unsanitary, disgusting and vengeful towards customers.
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you waited until the end of your shift? you didn't call her out on it right then and there and let the customer eat that? esh. you're just as bad.
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esh- that plate should have never made it to the table, and that server should be fired and criminally charged. it's still a fucking pandemic. you should call the police.
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esh, them for obvious reasons.
you, for not telling the costumer before they ate it.
report them if you can.
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esh you shouldn't have let the customer eat the food
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esh you suck for waiting until the end of your shift to speak up and not saying anything before the customer ate their food. tanya sucks for obvious reasons
|
did you really allow that person to eat food that was spit on/contaminated? because then esh, and your whole establishment needs to be reported so none of us have the displeasure of accidentally eating there.
|
esh you should have spoken up sooner. we are in a pandemic and this could have snowballed. tanya should be fired and never work in food service again. your boss should also be fired for outing you and not firing tanya. you are now in a hostile work environment. this should be reported higher up restaurant management chain and the health department, and you should have whistleblower protection.
|
esh. i am a server and have been for years. i have *never* seen anyone do this, and i work in a high volume setting with tough customers challenging us on the regular. nobody has ever even joked about spitting on food. your boss is an asshole for not firing her and for telling her who he saw. he should have just said he saw it on the cameras or that “someone” saw - it could have been a cook, she wouldn’t know. either way she should not still have a job and everyone who is siding with her is garbage.
edited from not the asshole to everyone sucks because you let her serve that food! conflict averse or not you should have ripped that plate from her hands, turned to the cooks for a third plate and immediately gotten a manager involved. letting her serve it and reporting it later is gross.
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esh. tanya obviously, but you are too if you actually didn’t confront her. you watched her spit in the food and let her serve it?
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work as a server at a popular chain restaurant. last saturday it was a very stressful day as we were extremely busy. one of my coworkers, let's call her tanya, was in an especially bad mood due to the amount of customers assigned to her section. the issue started when one of the customers ordered chicken strips with buffalo sauce on the side. as tanya was walking with her tray of food, the sauce dish tipped over and spilled some buffalo sauce over the customer's fries and basked potato. i'm guessing she didn't think it was a big deal to have some hot sauce on your potatoes. so she brought it to the customer anyway. well the customer eventually called her back and asked for new fries and a new potato because they didn't want buffalo sauce all over their food. tanya came back to the kitchen unreasonably upset. she was complaining about spoiled people, wasting food, extra work, and things like that. the cook made a new plate of food and as tanya was walking out of the kitchen she stuck out her tongue and spit little flecks of spit all over the customer's food. i was shocked because i'd never actually seen someone do that in real life. i thought that kind of thing only happened in movies and tv shows. i was even more surprised that she did it during a pandemic. at the end of my shift i told my boss what i saw and he had a talk with tanya afterwards. now everyone i work with knows that i did this, since my boss told tanya that i saw her spit on the food. they're all calling me a snitch. tanya herself calls me "the snitch" if she ever has to refer to me, she no longer speaks to me at all. i believe even my boss isn't happy that i "snitched", though he hasn't said anything directly. i just feel a whole different vibe from him now. it's gotten to the point where i basically lost all of my work friends due to snitching. i'm not sure they will ever get over this because of how legitimately upset everyone is. i'm considering finding a new job because it has gotten so bad. am i the asshole for "snitching"? should i have just talked to tanya privately and not told her boss?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work as a server at a popular chain restaurant. last saturday it was a very stressful day as we were extremely busy. one of my coworkers, let's call her tanya, was in an especially bad mood due to the amount of customers assigned to her section. the issue started when one of the customers ordered chicken strips with buffalo sauce on the side. as tanya was walking with her tray of food, the sauce dish tipped over and spilled some buffalo sauce over the customer's fries and basked potato. i'm guessing she didn't think it was a big deal to have some hot sauce on your potatoes. so she brought it to the customer anyway. well the customer eventually called her back and asked for new fries and a new potato because they didn't want buffalo sauce all over their food. tanya came back to the kitchen unreasonably upset. she was complaining about spoiled people, wasting food, extra work, and things like that. the cook made a new plate of food and as tanya was walking out of the kitchen she stuck out her tongue and spit little flecks of spit all over the customer's food. i was shocked because i'd never actually seen someone do that in real life. i thought that kind of thing only happened in movies and tv shows. i was even more surprised that she did it during a pandemic. at the end of my shift i told my boss what i saw and he had a talk with tanya afterwards. now everyone i work with knows that i did this, since my boss told tanya that i saw her spit on the food. they're all calling me a snitch. tanya herself calls me "the snitch" if she ever has to refer to me, she no longer speaks to me at all. i believe even my boss isn't happy that i "snitched", though he hasn't said anything directly. i just feel a whole different vibe from him now. it's gotten to the point where i basically lost all of my work friends due to snitching. i'm not sure they will ever get over this because of how legitimately upset everyone is. i'm considering finding a new job because it has gotten so bad. am i the asshole for "snitching"? should i have just talked to tanya privately and not told her boss? [/INST] esh. you, for letting her serve food with spit in it to a customer and waiting to report it to your manager. her, obviously, for spitting in a customer's food over a very reasonable request. your manager, for not keeping your report confidential and not firing tanya's ass for this. all of your co-workers for thinking snitching is a bigger deal than being unsanitary, disgusting and vengeful towards customers. </s>
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AITA for buying my girlfriend a wedding ring based off something that means something to us instead of an expensive diamond.
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so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and we both loved thia cartoon called "steven universe". although it's a cartoon it gets really deep sometimes.
so on an episode there was a song called "here comes a thought" and it became our song especially the part that goes "take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust". it was sung by the character that represents a strong relationship by fusion. (would take to long to explain what this relationship is and why it's strong and what fusion is.)
so i thought about a ring that represented what that character stood for. i had the ring custom made the ring had 3 gems a ruby, sapphire, and amethyst. (i didn't know garnet could come in purple, i didn't get the show wrong, shut up about it) red and blue, and purple to show the connection of the two.
so when i proposed at first she was so excited and she said yes on her way home we started talking about the ring.
first she said "i love it but why did you choose it."
i explained it to her and she said
"so you bought me a ring based of a cartoon"
i was shocked by this we had always watched the show together and loved the song i mentioned earlier. i thought that instead of getting some bland expensive clear rock i would get something that meant something, or so i thought.
i asked her "but i thought you loved the show, it always meant more to us than just another tv program."
she said "yah but why would you buy something so important based off it"
once we got home i had to go on a drive only and think.
so am i the asshole for buying a ring based off a kid's show.
| 5,860
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/crhpec/aita_for_buying_my_girlfriend_a_wedding_ring/
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2019-08-17 04:46:10
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nah
this could just be a case of you placed more sentimental value on watching the show together than she did. it could be that even though she places as much value on it as you do that she still would prefer a traditional ring.
talk it out. make this ring your promise ring and get a traditional one if she wants it.
personally, i better be proposed to with a blue feather. the farmer in me won’t accept anything else.
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nah.
um... how do i say this? tastes change. if you're going to do a non-traditional ring in favor of something personal, it should be something less transitory, something that will always mean something. a cartoon will fade from your thoughts probably before the first or second anniversary. i don't think you're ta. just kind of a bonehead maybe.
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i hate it when people think it’s okay to get a wedding/engagement ring that another is expected to wear every day for the rest of their life without actually consulting the would-be wearer first.
it’s about a much fun as, “surprise! you’re getting a tattoo that i picked out for you!”
yta for your not involving her in the decision.
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[removed]
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nah but dude...unless this cartoon is a main theme in your lives this was a bit kooky. like if you guys cosplayed it every weekend then maybe. but doing a ring she’ll wear every day...hmmm. and you designed it yourself? is it pretty? sometimes rings designed by non designers aren’t cute. does it suit her style?
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nah- though you're a bit of an idiot.
also, obviously the third stone should have been a garnet.
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nah, but you should probably talk about her tastes and what she wants before you propose.
i see your side, and i see her side.
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yta, but a really nice, well intentioned, tiny one.
a ring that a gal is expected to wear every day for the rest of her life is probably something that she should have some style input into. you should have talked to her extensively before going the custom route and specifically asked if she had her heart set on a diamond or if she was open to something else. especially since your custom ring has an asymmetrical color pattern, you needed to clear it with her first.
my wedding ring certainly doesn't have diamonds, but i would have been very upset if the stones had been chosen without any input from me at all. communication is key.
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info: why wasn't it a ruby, sapphire, and garnet? like the characters?
also yta, this is like something a high school kid gets his gf for valentine's day.
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nah - i get why you did it. but i also get why she is upset. nobody wants their wedding ring based off a cartoon.
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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INFO
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NAH
| 0.484844
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and we both loved thia cartoon called "steven universe". although it's a cartoon it gets really deep sometimes. so on an episode there was a song called "here comes a thought" and it became our song especially the part that goes "take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust". it was sung by the character that represents a strong relationship by fusion. (would take to long to explain what this relationship is and why it's strong and what fusion is.) so i thought about a ring that represented what that character stood for. i had the ring custom made the ring had 3 gems a ruby, sapphire, and amethyst. (i didn't know garnet could come in purple, i didn't get the show wrong, shut up about it) red and blue, and purple to show the connection of the two. so when i proposed at first she was so excited and she said yes on her way home we started talking about the ring. first she said "i love it but why did you choose it." i explained it to her and she said "so you bought me a ring based of a cartoon" i was shocked by this we had always watched the show together and loved the song i mentioned earlier. i thought that instead of getting some bland expensive clear rock i would get something that meant something, or so i thought. i asked her "but i thought you loved the show, it always meant more to us than just another tv program." she said "yah but why would you buy something so important based off it" once we got home i had to go on a drive only and think. so am i the asshole for buying a ring based off a kid's show.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and we both loved thia cartoon called "steven universe". although it's a cartoon it gets really deep sometimes. so on an episode there was a song called "here comes a thought" and it became our song especially the part that goes "take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust". it was sung by the character that represents a strong relationship by fusion. (would take to long to explain what this relationship is and why it's strong and what fusion is.) so i thought about a ring that represented what that character stood for. i had the ring custom made the ring had 3 gems a ruby, sapphire, and amethyst. (i didn't know garnet could come in purple, i didn't get the show wrong, shut up about it) red and blue, and purple to show the connection of the two. so when i proposed at first she was so excited and she said yes on her way home we started talking about the ring. first she said "i love it but why did you choose it." i explained it to her and she said "so you bought me a ring based of a cartoon" i was shocked by this we had always watched the show together and loved the song i mentioned earlier. i thought that instead of getting some bland expensive clear rock i would get something that meant something, or so i thought. i asked her "but i thought you loved the show, it always meant more to us than just another tv program." she said "yah but why would you buy something so important based off it" once we got home i had to go on a drive only and think. so am i the asshole for buying a ring based off a kid's show. [/INST] nah this could just be a case of you placed more sentimental value on watching the show together than she did. it could be that even though she places as much value on it as you do that she still would prefer a traditional ring. talk it out. make this ring your promise ring and get a traditional one if she wants it. personally, i better be proposed to with a blue feather. the farmer in me won’t accept anything else. </s>
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AITA for telling my niece she should come over less?
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i (24f) have a niece (15) named abby.
abby has always come over to hang out since she was little. her home life is fine to my understanding, but when you have a "cool aunt" who lives right up the road who let's you do whatever (nothing crazy just junk food and later bedtime etc) you'd be there more often too.
i started seeing someone last year and he's introduced me to some of his friends who've become my friends as well. i'll be honest, i didn't have many before i started seeing him but it's been fun to have a friend group to hang around with. just as well i've been thinking about moving my boyfriend in. this is a bit of an issue as abby likes to come over unannounced an has interrupted "things" before and has walked in on us having adult time (drinking, smoking). i've talked to her about it and calling ahead but she's still coming over without telling me. she's also gotten upset that i'm spending more time with my friends and boyfriend. she'll usually try to hang around us all or just stay elsewhere until everyone leaves. they've expressed that they don't really want to hang out if there's gonna be a kid hanging around all the time. it's gotten a bit ridiculous.
abby has friends of her own and i've tried to encourage her to spend some time with them instead of always coming over. i told her she'll be welcome here still, but that i'd just like to have some separate time away from her. i've spoken to her mother as well and she agrees that abby needs to hang out with a more age appropriate crowd.
i spoke to abby about this and she's not happy. she called me a bad aunt for abandoning her for my new friends and boyfriend. i assured her that wasn't the case but she disagrees. i'm beginning to feel like an asshole because she's used to having time with me and maybe feels left out. am i the asshole here?
| 1,838
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mztphp/aita_for_telling_my_niece_she_should_come_over/
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2021-04-27 17:26:14
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nah. obviously you're not being a bad aunt. your niece isn't an asshole either she just loves you im guessing and wants to be important to you.
have you talked to her parents so i guess your sibling about this situation? how do they feel?
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nah. it's probably an adjustment for her. but maybe rather than just telling her to come over less you could still make her feel wanted by organising activities for you both to do together so that you are showing you're making time for her. you can set boundaries but you need to give her alternatives so she doesn't feel pushed out.
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nta. your life should not revolve around a needy 15 yo.
it sounds like you’ve tried all reasonable options, including asking her for a compromise in calling ahead. it’s nice to have family that you can just visit whenever, but she is also old enough to understand that she just can’t come barging in or make demands to your personal space and time just because she feels comfortable with this arrangement and maybe thinks she’ll get some cool adult friends that do cool adult activities to boot.
yea, it sucks feeling left out, but i believe that you’ve tried to give her some pretty good options and also tried to understand things from her perspective. she’ll come around with time, and in the mean time, it’s important to keep your boundaries in place, also as a good example for her.
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nta. you may want to plan separate things to do with her though? she’s not wrong for wanting to hang out with you, but not respecting your boundaries and walking into your house anytime she wants is ridiculous. if you can plan a trip or outing once or twice a week that’s just with her that may make everyone happy?
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nah. it’s a little heart breaking, because your niece obviously craves time with you, and there’s probably a reason for that... but you have your own life.
i don’t have a solution for you, but i hope you find one that doesn’t destroy your relationship with your niece.
also, referring to a fifteen-year-old as a kid isn’t really accurate. they don’t need to be around during “adult time” but they are definitely not children.
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nah
it's a hard thing as a kid to have a friend aunt who shifts priorities. it's a hard thing sometimes to be the cool aunt who shifts priorities and has a nibling who feels unhappy about it.
could you set a regular time that your niece is allowed to come over that she can rely on to be her time with you?
you absolutely are allowed to set boundaries about coming over unannounced. she's allowed to feel unhappy about it, and you're allowed to enforce the boundary. actually, having an adult in her life that can set and enforce reasonable boundaries (with compassion for how she feels) is a good thing to have modeled for her, even if she doesn't see that at 15.
it's okay if she feels left out- growing up means feeling left out sometimes. it's okay if you say to her "i hear you feel left out and you're allowed to have your feelings, and this is the boundary that i'm going to insist on around unannounced visits."
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nta. i lived in a share house with three guys (i’m a girl) one of whom was my boyfriend. we were on really good terms with our neighbours who had a 13 year old daughter, twin newborn boys and a six year old daughter. the thirteen year old took quite a shine to me and it was usually ok, she’d come hang out after school, i’d help with her homework and my housemates and boyfriend were usually at work. i think she just liked the peace.
but all of our schedules changed and it got to be that the guys were home more and then she started inviting her little teen friends over who were excited to be with a bunch of adults (i was only 20 myself). and i had to tell her she couldn’t. it wasn’t an appropriate place for her to be, we were drinking and such forth and she was devastated. she cried and didn’t talk to me for weeks. her parents were totally on board, they considered it a huge favour for her to be allowed over.
at their ages adults are cool. they want to be seen as cool by their friends. but adults that hang out with kids are not cool. i’m happy to help out with homework and ease the burden on their parents when i could, but i’m not going to let a child hang out with adults getting their drunk on.
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nta. setting boundaries does not equal abandonment. let her know you love her and you're always there for her, but she just needs to call or text you to ask before coming over...and get her mother to reinforce that rule. maybe yall could set up specific days or times each week that is dedicated to "auntie/niece time" where yall hang out?
also, you said she has friends her own age, but she'd rather hang out with her aunt than them....there might be something going on with those friends that is causing her to lean on you so much. at 15, she might not want to talk about it, but i would definitely keep an eye out.
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nta. she needs to understand people's boundaries, or else she might grow up as an entitled person that people won't like. you can't give up your life because you're scared that abby will get mad.
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nta. honestly, maintaining a "just show up whenever; no need to worry if i'm doing other stuff" policy hasn't really done abby's social skills any favors: even if she does make friends her age, if she shows up unannounced and then gets upset that people aren't in the mood to hang out or already have other guests and don't really want to add one more, she's not going to keep those friends. just tell her that she's old enough now that she needs to start being mindful of other people's time and priorities and calling in advance, and let her sulk it out if she's not willing to make the adjustment.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.009798
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (24f) have a niece (15) named abby. abby has always come over to hang out since she was little. her home life is fine to my understanding, but when you have a "cool aunt" who lives right up the road who let's you do whatever (nothing crazy just junk food and later bedtime etc) you'd be there more often too. i started seeing someone last year and he's introduced me to some of his friends who've become my friends as well. i'll be honest, i didn't have many before i started seeing him but it's been fun to have a friend group to hang around with. just as well i've been thinking about moving my boyfriend in. this is a bit of an issue as abby likes to come over unannounced an has interrupted "things" before and has walked in on us having adult time (drinking, smoking). i've talked to her about it and calling ahead but she's still coming over without telling me. she's also gotten upset that i'm spending more time with my friends and boyfriend. she'll usually try to hang around us all or just stay elsewhere until everyone leaves. they've expressed that they don't really want to hang out if there's gonna be a kid hanging around all the time. it's gotten a bit ridiculous. abby has friends of her own and i've tried to encourage her to spend some time with them instead of always coming over. i told her she'll be welcome here still, but that i'd just like to have some separate time away from her. i've spoken to her mother as well and she agrees that abby needs to hang out with a more age appropriate crowd. i spoke to abby about this and she's not happy. she called me a bad aunt for abandoning her for my new friends and boyfriend. i assured her that wasn't the case but she disagrees. i'm beginning to feel like an asshole because she's used to having time with me and maybe feels left out. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) have a niece (15) named abby. abby has always come over to hang out since she was little. her home life is fine to my understanding, but when you have a "cool aunt" who lives right up the road who let's you do whatever (nothing crazy just junk food and later bedtime etc) you'd be there more often too. i started seeing someone last year and he's introduced me to some of his friends who've become my friends as well. i'll be honest, i didn't have many before i started seeing him but it's been fun to have a friend group to hang around with. just as well i've been thinking about moving my boyfriend in. this is a bit of an issue as abby likes to come over unannounced an has interrupted "things" before and has walked in on us having adult time (drinking, smoking). i've talked to her about it and calling ahead but she's still coming over without telling me. she's also gotten upset that i'm spending more time with my friends and boyfriend. she'll usually try to hang around us all or just stay elsewhere until everyone leaves. they've expressed that they don't really want to hang out if there's gonna be a kid hanging around all the time. it's gotten a bit ridiculous. abby has friends of her own and i've tried to encourage her to spend some time with them instead of always coming over. i told her she'll be welcome here still, but that i'd just like to have some separate time away from her. i've spoken to her mother as well and she agrees that abby needs to hang out with a more age appropriate crowd. i spoke to abby about this and she's not happy. she called me a bad aunt for abandoning her for my new friends and boyfriend. i assured her that wasn't the case but she disagrees. i'm beginning to feel like an asshole because she's used to having time with me and maybe feels left out. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nah. obviously you're not being a bad aunt. your niece isn't an asshole either she just loves you im guessing and wants to be important to you. have you talked to her parents so i guess your sibling about this situation? how do they feel? </s>
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AITA for refusing to give back a book owner sold by mistake after I purchased it?
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i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00.
later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer.
i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold.
i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00.
aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships?
she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform.
| 9,289
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scuw13/aita_for_refusing_to_give_back_a_book_owner_sold/
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2022-01-26 02:29:02
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yta - you have every right to keep the book, but you're still an asshole for doing it. your friend made a mistake and you took advantage of her.
you can be right and an asshole at the same time.
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yta
just because you're legally in the clear doesn't mean it's ethical
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yta. it wasn't even her book to sell. your parents are greedy af, btw.
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yta.
yeah, give it back.
unless you perfer money over decency.
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yta. you are a major ah. this was a mistake, one she quickly tried to rectify. you got twenty books for $5. you're already coming out on top of this. the book clearly means a lot to her husband, and the fact that she told you this is causing a problem in her marriage and don't care speaks volumes about you.
people make mistakes. what you're doing is intentionally being obtuse. there's no way you dont know you're the ah here. your parents gave you really bad, selfish advice tbh. put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if you accidentally gave away something of importance to your husband, he got incredibly upset with you and lost trust in you, and when you attempted to get it back you were told nah, it's mine now?
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yta. i cannot fathom how you could possibly think this is the right thing to do. how would you feel if you made a mistake and your "friend" (i use the word loosely) that benefitted from that refused to help you rectify it? you paid 25 cents for the book. ffs, give it back.
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yta and so are your parents. just give them the fucking book back.
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yta. i’m not sure what you expected to happen here. your (now ex) friend admitted to you she made a mistake that is causing stress and discord in her marriage and your first thought isn’t about being an understanding friend or even to offer any comfort, no no no, your first thought is “well now, let me think on it, is our friendship reeeallly worth a book?” then you doubled down and said “nah i’m good.” and you expect to somehow not be the asshole in this scenario???
but at least you’re not the sole asshole in this situation. your parents were even worse for raising you that way.
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congratulations yta, just like your parents raised you to be.
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legally you own the book. morally? give the dang book back. it was clearly an error and is causing her problems. yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00. later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer. i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold. i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00. aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships? she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00. later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer. i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold. i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00. aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships? she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform. [/INST] yta - you have every right to keep the book, but you're still an asshole for doing it. your friend made a mistake and you took advantage of her. you can be right and an asshole at the same time. </s>
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AITA for telling my autistic brother the truth when he asked me why women don’t like him?
|
i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks.
recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour.
i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people.
so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane.
anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control.
now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?
| 31,743
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gbl3wk/aita_for_telling_my_autistic_brother_the_truth/
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2020-05-01 16:18:13
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nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk.
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he asked. autistic people on reddit are always saying that they wish people would just be forthcoming and honest about these things.
your parents are the ones who really suck here. they have done him no favours by raising him like this.
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>this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people.
**yikes.**
>he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.”
uhm.. just because they're women? he needs a reality check.
>anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.”
you said it a lot nice than i would've done. it isn't just the way he's talking, it sounds like he *is* sexist.
>this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control.
he can obviously control it. he's high functioning, going on dates, talking to you guys, understanding. he's just not acting like he's in this century.
also, he went to your parents to complain? he's 24. if he wants to complain, he can complain to his friends, or to *you* since you're the one he's mad at.
you're nta. nope. his own actions are leading to dates going the way they are.
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nta. if you don't tell him, some other woman will. i think it's better coming from someone that actually knows him or else he could just write it off as an "illogical" response from some angry woman.
could it have been done more tactfully? maybe. but i think your brother is dangerously at risk of being an incel if you aren't straight with him.
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nta
you didn't insult him. you gave a dose of truth. of he wants to be in a relationship he needs to fix his attitude towards women.
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nta your parents have raised him to be a sexist narcissist and now he can’t find anyone to put up with him. you are actually showing him more love telling him the truth so he can change than your parents do sheltering and lying to him.
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nta he’s sexist
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nta who else better to hear it from than his sister. he wanted to know, you told him. tell him he can change and have a shot at getting a gf, or stay the way he is and be alone.
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nta- it’s not confidence that he has, it’s a mislead false hope instilled by his parents who don’t want to admit to him that real life might be harder for him. they have the best, loving intentions but they’re creating something that will hurt him more than the truth will in the long run.
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definitely nta. sounds to me like he's one of those socially awkward neckbeards who call women females and refuse to take them seriously because he legitimately thinks he's more intelligent.
now, i can understand some of that. despite being female myself i had a long time when i felt like in general women were illogical and overly emotional. i never believed all women were like that, just that it was a trait more common in us than men. i also was incredibly arrogant and at one point unfortunately legitimately believed i was smarter than most people. i've been humbled a lot but even now i catch myself thinking someone is stupid without considering their background or the many areas in which they are most definitely smarter than i am.
your brother both being coddled and on the spectrum means his thinking is far more black and white on the subject than it should be. he deserved the reality check and hopefully coming from someone he knows loves him will make it sink in.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said? [/INST] nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk. </s>
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AITA for dismantling the bed and taking it elsewhere rather than sleep on the couch?
| 8,987
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bhw32k/aita_for_dismantling_the_bed_and_taking_it/
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2019-04-27 05:47:51
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esh
you're both assholes for acting like children rather than having a productive discussion like adults
but you're the bigger asshole for literally taking the bed apart and bailing out to a buddy's house. your actions remind me of a kid that says "you won't play fair in the sandbox! i'm taking my toys and going home!"
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info do y’all want your marriage to end?
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going against the grain with yta. i've seen it soo many times, not only in subs like these but also among friends, relatives, and my own relationships, where a "fight over ice cream" is not "a fight over ice cream". oftentimes something small like forgetting to get ice cream twice from a store over an hour away is just the latest thing in a series of inconsiderate acts, all culminating in a mondo fight that's actually about being a responsive partner. offering to fix it by going to the store again just shows ignorance of the actual underlying problem, and is just putting a bandaid on a broken arm. if you want to leave, leave, but don't act like being petty is some moral high ground.
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uh, dude. you’re laying in a bed you disassembled and moved to another house to spite your wife (who, by your description, is a petty shrew). do we really need to rule on this? clearly esh, but you suck more.
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esh, really. if you're getting this heated over ice cream, you've got larger issues that need to be addressed.
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yta. from what you've said, it sounds like your wife overreacted. however, based on your ridiculous childish behaviour, i'm guessing that forgetting ice cream isn't the only thing you've done. seems more likely that you're pretty inconsiderate and forget of her needs and wants a lot, and the ice cream is just the straw that broke the camel's back. why even get married if you're going to behave like this after an argument??
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woah, this is a special ring in the circle of petty-hell.
neither of you handled this situation like adults and both of you really need to take a long look at your communication skills and your relationship.
these are not mature responses to.... ice cream and signal a lot of red flags.
esh.
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how old are you guys?
this either didn't happen or you are super immature.
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yta. you escalated this beyond all reason.
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holy shit she over reacted but you escalated it to an entirely different galaxy. i'm gonna say esh, but i gotta give it you this is fucking hilarious.
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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ESH
| 0.047528
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] esh you're both assholes for acting like children rather than having a productive discussion like adults but you're the bigger asshole for literally taking the bed apart and bailing out to a buddy's house. your actions remind me of a kid that says "you won't play fair in the sandbox! i'm taking my toys and going home!" </s>
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AITA for refusing to pick my kids up from school?
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my ex-wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years now. our marriage was falling apart for quite some time before she left, it was something i was expecting. what i didn't expect, was for her to run off without the kids.
she ran off with some little 20 year old boy toy. they've been homeless for the last 18 months, bouncing back and forth between friends and hotel rooms.
after 18 months they finally got a one bedroom studio apartment. since i've literally done everything with the kids by myself the last 18 months. i figured it was about time she took them for a couple of days a week, the kids have been dying to spend some time with their mother anyways.
i pretty much had to force her to take her own children, there was nothing but excuses on why she couldn't have her own kids. i had to threaten to take her to court for child support in order to get her to take them.
i figured i'd use this extra time to get a couple extra hours at work, so maybe i could afford a decent christmas this year.
i got a phone call yesterday afternoon from my ex-wife saying her ride bailed on her and she had no way to pick up our kids from school. she only lives 2 miles away from the school!!! i told her she was just have to walk, it was literally the only time she had to do anything with the kids so far this school year.
now she's making me out to be the bad parent because i refused to get the kids from school.
| 3,118
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/djo1mx/aita_for_refusing_to_pick_my_kids_up_from_school/
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2019-10-18 14:10:11
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esh except for your kids. your ex needs to get it together and realize she still has a responsibility to her children. and you need to just pick up your kids from school. should your ex pick them up? yes. is she going to? no. just because you all can’t stand each other doesn’t mean your kids need to be caught in the middle. don’t make them feel like a burden.
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esh. she might be a shit parent but you know who suffers when you pull shit like this? your kids. and that makes you a bad parent too
they've already got one asshole in their lives. don't make it two.
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esh - her for obvious reasons. you're an asshole because you are forcing the children into an unstable situation in an unsuitable environment with an unwilling parent.
i get that being a single parent sucks. i did it for years. but this whole thing has warning labels all over it. your kids do not need that.
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esh
however why are you forcing your kids on a mother like this in her situation? surely they would be better off with supervised visits.
are you really comfortable leaving the kids with her and her 'boy toy'?
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yta for forcing your kids to a women who obviously dont want them. shes an ahole for doing this but what did you expect from a women who left their kids? now your kids will be alone waiting there and nobody shows up? its not their fault.
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esh
i'm getting a naive vibe from this post so i'm just going to ask. you realize your ex and her new bf are doing drugs right? in and out of homeless, no family helping, doesn't want the kids. you shouldn't want the kids to go over there, you should be collecting evidence to get sole custody and child support, but good luck on ever collecting anything from her as long as she's still on drugs.
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esh. you sound like you resent having kids. the way you talk about them. you do know they are not the blame for your wife's behaviour?
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esh (you much less so) - you're in a really crappy situation and it seems like you're trying your best but do you really want to leave your children with someone who clearly doesn't care about them?
honestly you probably should work out some sort of custody arrangement with the courts so you officially have full custody. you may not be able to get child support if she has no income/money, but you'll have grounds to get it in the future if things change.
good luck, though. i hope things get better! your kids will realize all you did for them, one day, even if their christmases are sparce for a few years.
|
honestly, i wish i knew more about the situation.
why is a grown women with children preferring to be homeless and away from her kids?
why does she prefer to suffer and be so impoverished?
i would really wonder if you were abusive towards her. you don't care about endangering your children. you misrepresent yourself in harmful ways (saying you want to work extra shifts to get gifts for christmas, but also saying you want her to take the kids for half the week), you don't do things the legal way, you let your children suffer just to spite her, and it just goes on and on.
i would not be surprised at all if she left because you were emotionally abusive. nor would i be surprised if you were physically abusive.
what are the red flags?
1) she preferred to be homeless than with you
2) you dont care about sending your kids to share a studio apartment with a strange man who has issues that keep him homeless
3) you state that you expected her to be the one taking care of the kids when you left
4) you refer to the kids as hers not "ours"
5) you dont care about making your very young children walk two miles
6) you don't mind making her walk 4 miles
7) you berate her and her choices without understanding them
8) you threaten her to get your way
9) you misrepresent yourself to manipulate how you're seen
10) you abandon your children at school
11) you care more about forcibg someone to do something they don't want than you do abput the safety of your children.
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esh- don’t let the kids suffer because mom is a deadbeat.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
| 0.031039
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex-wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years now. our marriage was falling apart for quite some time before she left, it was something i was expecting. what i didn't expect, was for her to run off without the kids. she ran off with some little 20 year old boy toy. they've been homeless for the last 18 months, bouncing back and forth between friends and hotel rooms. after 18 months they finally got a one bedroom studio apartment. since i've literally done everything with the kids by myself the last 18 months. i figured it was about time she took them for a couple of days a week, the kids have been dying to spend some time with their mother anyways. i pretty much had to force her to take her own children, there was nothing but excuses on why she couldn't have her own kids. i had to threaten to take her to court for child support in order to get her to take them. i figured i'd use this extra time to get a couple extra hours at work, so maybe i could afford a decent christmas this year. i got a phone call yesterday afternoon from my ex-wife saying her ride bailed on her and she had no way to pick up our kids from school. she only lives 2 miles away from the school!!! i told her she was just have to walk, it was literally the only time she had to do anything with the kids so far this school year. now she's making me out to be the bad parent because i refused to get the kids from school.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex-wife and i have been divorced for almost 2 years now. our marriage was falling apart for quite some time before she left, it was something i was expecting. what i didn't expect, was for her to run off without the kids. she ran off with some little 20 year old boy toy. they've been homeless for the last 18 months, bouncing back and forth between friends and hotel rooms. after 18 months they finally got a one bedroom studio apartment. since i've literally done everything with the kids by myself the last 18 months. i figured it was about time she took them for a couple of days a week, the kids have been dying to spend some time with their mother anyways. i pretty much had to force her to take her own children, there was nothing but excuses on why she couldn't have her own kids. i had to threaten to take her to court for child support in order to get her to take them. i figured i'd use this extra time to get a couple extra hours at work, so maybe i could afford a decent christmas this year. i got a phone call yesterday afternoon from my ex-wife saying her ride bailed on her and she had no way to pick up our kids from school. she only lives 2 miles away from the school!!! i told her she was just have to walk, it was literally the only time she had to do anything with the kids so far this school year. now she's making me out to be the bad parent because i refused to get the kids from school. [/INST] esh except for your kids. your ex needs to get it together and realize she still has a responsibility to her children. and you need to just pick up your kids from school. should your ex pick them up? yes. is she going to? no. just because you all can’t stand each other doesn’t mean your kids need to be caught in the middle. don’t make them feel like a burden. </s>
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AITA for threatening to kick my little sister out my apartment if she doesn’t get an abortion or put her baby up for adoption?
|
my friend introduced me to reddit, and i really need an outside perspective on this. first post ever so please be gentle.
i’m 26 and my sister is 15. our parents died in a car crash 4 years ago, and since then, i have been her legal guardian. it’s been tough; i went from a single man, freshly graduated, great job (for a single person’s income), and complete freedom to having to take care of a grieving child while i was grieving myself. i make enough for us to get by, but not much more.
my sister came crying to me today. she admitted that she’s pregnant. she said they didn’t use birth control but “he pulled out”. apparently, it’s some kid in his class. i comforted her, told it was going to be okay, and that we’d get through this. then she dropped a bomb on me: she wants to keep it. she wants to raise and nurture it and give them the childhood she never had.
i told her she can’t be serious. she’s way too young to care for a child; hell, she’s too young to get a job in most places. that if she keeps the child, i’m the one who will be bearing that responsibility. sure, she can make minimum wage, but at least where we live, it’s simply not enough to get by, and i’m simply not in the place in my life where i can afford to take care of another child.
she told me that she doesn’t expect me to be the parent and i told her that it didn’t matter what she “expected”; the bottom line is that as her legal guardian, i’m the one who will be responsible for the child, by law, until she turns 18. that i’m the one who’d be awaken to a 3-month-old throwing a tantrum at 3 am regardless of what she expects. that i’m the one who’s going to have to babysit when she works/goes to school because there’d be absolutely no way she can afford an external babysitter.
she then got angry and said “well i’m keeping it, whether you like it or not.” i told her she very well can make this choice, but then i'd have to make my own choice, and that i will no longer be her guardian. i’d give her up to our grandparents (they’re very strict christian, and would have no problem forcing her to give her kid up for adoption, then making her life a living hell for premarital sex. it’s the reason she begged to live with me over them; they’re not great people).
she’s been distraught, telling me i’m a horrible person and that she hates me for trying to force her give away the one thing she loves the most. i tried comforting her; i know she’s going through a fuck ton, but i just can’t raise another child. my life was already put on halt when my parents died, and another halt when i had to take care of my sister. i just can’t afford, financially or emotionally, to take care of another kid i didn’t ask for. i just can’t. and i don’t want to either.
am i being unreasonable to want her to not keep the baby, and sending her off to her grandparents if she chooses to?
| 3,543
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bva3nj/aita_for_threatening_to_kick_my_little_sister_out/
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2019-05-31 17:02:30
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nah: everyone here is in a very hard position. fwiw i would do the same as you. i could not currently raise an infant- and no matter what a 15 year old says, it is **you** who would be raising it.
~~i think giving grandparents custody if she refuses to abort/adopt is super responsible.~~
**
|
nah - she has every right to keep the baby, and you have every right to not want to be responsible for the child. unfortunately there's no scenario here where everybody wins.
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nah
what a bad place for everyone to be in. you are trying to make the best decision for all -- that decision does have to take your needs into account, not just what a kid who is having a kid wants.
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nta
it sounds like you aren’t in a “will not” situation. you’re in a “can not” situation. you for have a choice.
the kid who impregnated her has to be on the hook, too, especially if she wants to keep it without moving in with the grandparents. obviously, he can’t just be on the hook for money but care.
i feel awful for you both.
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if you believe op is the asshole, i hope you guys can do some serious soul searching. good luck.
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nta. i’d encourage you two to talk with an agency regarding an open adoption. that way your sister can still keep in touch with the baby while not being financially responsible. if she can meet a couple looking to adopt that would also be a good idea.
it sounds like your sister is trying to replace the family she lost. by keeping the baby, she’s essentially denying the baby a “normal” family and childhood just like what she went through. which isn’t fair to the child and it will never replace what she lost.
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nah. shitty situation all around, but you didn’t ask for this. it’d be one thing if you were the parent; the parent signed up to take care of their child *regardless* of the difficulties that come their way. i’d have said you were a huge pos if you were a dad trying to manipulate his daughter into doing what he wants her to do.
but you’re not. you’re her brother. you didn’t sign up to raise her, and you sure as hell didn’t sign up to raise another kid. you two both have choices and if she makes hers to keep her kid, you’re more than welcome to make your own and send her off to her grandparents.
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can you try explaining to her that being raised by a single 15 year old is a way worse childhood than the one she had with two married adult parents who loved each other? if she really wants children to have a better childhood than she did, she would want it to be raised by responsible adults who can afford it and are prepared for it. or she would wait to have children until she is in that position herself. would your parents want her to be a single mom at 15? did they want her to go to college? does she think shes going to be able to pay for her baby to have a happy normal life while making $10 an hour and never being home to spend time with it? sorry shes an idiot, but i hope you can break some sense into her. sit down and make an excel sheet of all of the expenses of raising a child, compared to her career prospects as a high school drop out. maybe take her on some college tours. and if after all that shes still committed to ruining her own life, then yeah, send her to her grandparents. doesnt need to be your problem. nta.
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nta. sounds like everyone suffers no matter what.
your sister lost her parents and is now either going to lose her baby or be a mother when she is still a child herself.
either way, she is going to struggle emotionally. please make sure she is in therapy.
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nta, but it's not your call (or responsibility) who the new legal guardian is. sister can ask for emancipation, which the court might well grant under these circumstances. if you're in the us, she is probably entitled to survivor benefits through social security, which would help with the finances. or she could ask to go into foster care, or find a guardian on her own.
would be nah if she would name the father, but she is ta for implicitly expecting you to pay in father's stead.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.012269
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend introduced me to reddit, and i really need an outside perspective on this. first post ever so please be gentle. i’m 26 and my sister is 15. our parents died in a car crash 4 years ago, and since then, i have been her legal guardian. it’s been tough; i went from a single man, freshly graduated, great job (for a single person’s income), and complete freedom to having to take care of a grieving child while i was grieving myself. i make enough for us to get by, but not much more. my sister came crying to me today. she admitted that she’s pregnant. she said they didn’t use birth control but “he pulled out”. apparently, it’s some kid in his class. i comforted her, told it was going to be okay, and that we’d get through this. then she dropped a bomb on me: she wants to keep it. she wants to raise and nurture it and give them the childhood she never had. i told her she can’t be serious. she’s way too young to care for a child; hell, she’s too young to get a job in most places. that if she keeps the child, i’m the one who will be bearing that responsibility. sure, she can make minimum wage, but at least where we live, it’s simply not enough to get by, and i’m simply not in the place in my life where i can afford to take care of another child. she told me that she doesn’t expect me to be the parent and i told her that it didn’t matter what she “expected”; the bottom line is that as her legal guardian, i’m the one who will be responsible for the child, by law, until she turns 18. that i’m the one who’d be awaken to a 3-month-old throwing a tantrum at 3 am regardless of what she expects. that i’m the one who’s going to have to babysit when she works/goes to school because there’d be absolutely no way she can afford an external babysitter. she then got angry and said “well i’m keeping it, whether you like it or not.” i told her she very well can make this choice, but then i'd have to make my own choice, and that i will no longer be her guardian. i’d give her up to our grandparents (they’re very strict christian, and would have no problem forcing her to give her kid up for adoption, then making her life a living hell for premarital sex. it’s the reason she begged to live with me over them; they’re not great people). she’s been distraught, telling me i’m a horrible person and that she hates me for trying to force her give away the one thing she loves the most. i tried comforting her; i know she’s going through a fuck ton, but i just can’t raise another child. my life was already put on halt when my parents died, and another halt when i had to take care of my sister. i just can’t afford, financially or emotionally, to take care of another kid i didn’t ask for. i just can’t. and i don’t want to either. am i being unreasonable to want her to not keep the baby, and sending her off to her grandparents if she chooses to?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friend introduced me to reddit, and i really need an outside perspective on this. first post ever so please be gentle. i’m 26 and my sister is 15. our parents died in a car crash 4 years ago, and since then, i have been her legal guardian. it’s been tough; i went from a single man, freshly graduated, great job (for a single person’s income), and complete freedom to having to take care of a grieving child while i was grieving myself. i make enough for us to get by, but not much more. my sister came crying to me today. she admitted that she’s pregnant. she said they didn’t use birth control but “he pulled out”. apparently, it’s some kid in his class. i comforted her, told it was going to be okay, and that we’d get through this. then she dropped a bomb on me: she wants to keep it. she wants to raise and nurture it and give them the childhood she never had. i told her she can’t be serious. she’s way too young to care for a child; hell, she’s too young to get a job in most places. that if she keeps the child, i’m the one who will be bearing that responsibility. sure, she can make minimum wage, but at least where we live, it’s simply not enough to get by, and i’m simply not in the place in my life where i can afford to take care of another child. she told me that she doesn’t expect me to be the parent and i told her that it didn’t matter what she “expected”; the bottom line is that as her legal guardian, i’m the one who will be responsible for the child, by law, until she turns 18. that i’m the one who’d be awaken to a 3-month-old throwing a tantrum at 3 am regardless of what she expects. that i’m the one who’s going to have to babysit when she works/goes to school because there’d be absolutely no way she can afford an external babysitter. she then got angry and said “well i’m keeping it, whether you like it or not.” i told her she very well can make this choice, but then i'd have to make my own choice, and that i will no longer be her guardian. i’d give her up to our grandparents (they’re very strict christian, and would have no problem forcing her to give her kid up for adoption, then making her life a living hell for premarital sex. it’s the reason she begged to live with me over them; they’re not great people). she’s been distraught, telling me i’m a horrible person and that she hates me for trying to force her give away the one thing she loves the most. i tried comforting her; i know she’s going through a fuck ton, but i just can’t raise another child. my life was already put on halt when my parents died, and another halt when i had to take care of my sister. i just can’t afford, financially or emotionally, to take care of another kid i didn’t ask for. i just can’t. and i don’t want to either. am i being unreasonable to want her to not keep the baby, and sending her off to her grandparents if she chooses to? [/INST] nah: everyone here is in a very hard position. fwiw i would do the same as you. i could not currently raise an infant- and no matter what a 15 year old says, it is **you** who would be raising it. ~~i think giving grandparents custody if she refuses to abort/adopt is super responsible.~~ ** </s>
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AITA for keeping the engagement ring and giving up asking to propose (after propose) in front of my parents and in-laws?
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my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask.
i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it.
i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened).
i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month.
yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day.
i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes.
i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything.
she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke.
well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it.
my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter.
i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway.
aita?
| 27,815
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wloe2s/aita_for_keeping_the_engagement_ring_and_giving/
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2022-08-11 10:48:07
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nta why would you sign up for this permanently?
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nta
your girlfriend just learned a much-needed lesson on why you don’t joke and say no when you mean yes.
and you are not making the situation uncomfortable because of a “silly joke” — she is.
she knew you don’t like it (and honestly, who would? that would annoy the fuck out of most people) but she did it anyway. what next? is she going to jokingly say no during your ceremony?
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nta.
out of all the things that are wrong from her side, one that stands out to me the most is that afterward she still puts the blame on you and does not even apologize. if you see that your partner is hurt by something you did (yes, even a joke) any well-adjusted human being would apologize.
also, if other people are not laughing, i wouldn't even call it a joke. and you are correct to think that there is time and place for jokes. i can imagine how hurtful and embarrassing it was to hear the ''no'' to your proposal in front of your family. such a dick move.
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nta, and this is coming from a family who does it a lot. me and my siblings love to be like "can you grab me a drink when you go past?" with a quick "nope" only to do it anyway with all the variations. the sibling or our mom (who loves to do this with us as well) usually just say "oh, okay!" cause we know the joke.
here's the thing, we don't do the joke with our dad. while the rest of us finds it funny, he is quick to feel upset and not understand when our 'no' is joking like you do, so we don't do it. we don't do it because we love and respect him and know it can be quickly upsetting to him, and he loves other pranks/jokes with us so we just find other things to share the fun in with him. i would also like to add we never do it in serious situations or things that need an actual answer or conversation, there are times and places for these things which she is not understanding.
this is not about you 'taking it too seriously' or anything else, if she truly loved and respected you, she would stop. it's simple to remember and do as someone who has almost their entire immediate family doing it on a daily basis, who also remember and don't do it for one of them out of *love and respect*. i have to stress that because that is the huge issue here and she needs to work on what she is willing to compromise on if she ever wants to have a life with you with both of you happy.
i wish you the best and i hope she either wakes up and realizes she is completely in the wrong here, or you find someone who is willing to do that for you.
nta, you are right and keep your boundary here.
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nta. i am sorry this happened to you and i don't think you're overreacting. a joke is a joke only if all involved people are laughing and you made it clear months ago that you didn't find it funny. the first question one should always ask if "why this particular joke", especially if someone claims they cannot stop it. so maybe your girlfriend (not fiancée) should take a look at herself and ask herself that question, especially if she couldn't even manage it in a more serious and emotional situation. i would hold off on proposing until you both get that cleared up (also, since saying "no" to i love you is veeeery strange, it's not even a request by you?)
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nta. i'd take no for an answer if i were you.
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nta. you have repeatedly told her that you don't enjoy this joke especially in serious or romantic contacts, then when it was time for the most serious and most romantic moment she whips it right out. the only person that was making the situation uncomfortable and humiliating was her. you asked something very clear and direct and she fucked it up hard.
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nta. you made yourself clear. she's acting like a child. marriage proposals aren't for children. she may have saved you the cost of a divorce later though.
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nta and the in-laws need to step off. you humiliated her? uhm, no. she humiliated *you* on instinct because apparently she thinks she’s hilarious when she isn’t.
i’d be so upset if i were you and honestly i don’t know how you’ve put up with 6 months of no’s as an automatic response. that would really shut me down.
rethink your whole relationship op.
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nta but why do you plan your life with someone who has been disrespecting a clear and easy boundary you have for 6 months and is now letting your in laws bash you ?
i’m not saying live but at least try couple’s counseling before proposing again because i don’t see it getting better.
edit typo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask. i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it. i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened). i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month. yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day. i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes. i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything. she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it. my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask. i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it. i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened). i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month. yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day. i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes. i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything. she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it. my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. aita? [/INST] nta why would you sign up for this permanently? </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL that me living at home was different because I’m Asian?
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i’m korean but married to a white man. in asian families it is very common to live at home well into adulthood or until you get married. my mil also lived at home until she got married and seems to think it is the same thing. while living at home i earned a masters degree and worked full time. she slept all day, went shopping with her dads money, partied, and got multiple duis but somehow was never charged (her dad is super rich and well known where we live) finally she got her much older married boyfriend to leave his wife and moved out of her dads house, to do the exact same thing minus the duis.
i’m currently pregnant and my sil has a two year old and we were talking about parenting. she’s pretty strict and mil does not approve. mil interjected that sil is probably going to be one of those american parents who kicks their kids out at eighteen but that i wouldn’t because of my culture. sil said someone should have kicked you out and maybe you would be such a bitch. i said that my child will be welcome to live with us but it won’t be the same as mil and that she needs to stop comparing it, because my parents expected more of me at ten than her husband and father expect of her at 57.
she got pissed and i could hear fil whispering that we’re just jealous because we’re poor and everyone’s ugly and of course she should have whatever she wants (this woman must have a golden vagina because i don’t get how else she gets him to enable her). i feel like it’s offensive that she compares my culture to her dads shitty parenting but dh says i shouldn’t have said anything.
| 1,529
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iisub5/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_me_living_at_home/
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2020-08-29 14:00:25
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esh. your mil for being rude about your sil's parenting choices, fil for whatever the fuck that was. from what you've written, it doesn't look like mil compared her experience to yours, she just said that you wouldn't make your child leave at 18. i don't know if you've left something out, but it seems like you're the one who started comparing your childhoods.
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esh. you're all in for a rough ride with each other.
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esh you all sound miserable with each other. i wouldn’t want to raise my kids around this.
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esh. her, for making assumptions about your culture. you, because your contempt for your mil is obvious (i’m sure to her, too). you seem to make a lot of assumptions about her life, too, for someone who wasn’t there.
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i’m asian american as well and i truly get why you’re annoyed, but what you said to your mil was seriously unnecessary. “my parents expected more from me at 10 than your father and husband do at 57”? really? you think your parents would be proud of how you handled yourself in this situation? would it fly with you to have your husband show such open contempt and disrespect towards your own parents? there were other ways of handling this that would reinforce your superiority over them (from the post, it’s obvious that’s important to you), but you just knocked yourself down a peg or two. esh.
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esh. you all sound like a lovely group of people who will get along for a long time and never do anything out of spite.
/s
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esh please stop thinking you’re better than these people you’re just as judge mental
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esh. you're all bitter and miserable people. you made an unnecessary dig at your mil. you sound jealous as hell and it's not a good look
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esh i lived at home, went to college, kept house and managed a verbally/emotionally abusive mother in my 20’s while managing chronic pain. and people tried to play jolly “ah! last one at home? you must enjoy being spoiled!”
so, i really really empathize with you. but- making other people uncomfortable and giving a spoiled woman the chance to tantrum by saying it so bluntly doesn’t help anyone. you could have just serenely said, “of course! it’s a rule in my family that you can live at home as long as you are working or going to school.” full stop. if anyone mentioned “well, mil...” just shrug and smile and change the subject. if pressed, say, “i can only speak to my family’s traditions.” and change the subject again. refuse to comment on mil. period.
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esh. mil for obvious reasons, you for coming off as bitter. wouldn't want to be a kid raised by either of you. you weren't there as she was being raised so you come off as extremely judgmental, not to mention jealous that she seems to have had it easy financially. saying this as a fellow asian as well, even though mil doesn't understand our culture..you really just bought a one way ticket into shit relationship with the in laws land that you could've just shut up and avoided.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m korean but married to a white man. in asian families it is very common to live at home well into adulthood or until you get married. my mil also lived at home until she got married and seems to think it is the same thing. while living at home i earned a masters degree and worked full time. she slept all day, went shopping with her dads money, partied, and got multiple duis but somehow was never charged (her dad is super rich and well known where we live) finally she got her much older married boyfriend to leave his wife and moved out of her dads house, to do the exact same thing minus the duis. i’m currently pregnant and my sil has a two year old and we were talking about parenting. she’s pretty strict and mil does not approve. mil interjected that sil is probably going to be one of those american parents who kicks their kids out at eighteen but that i wouldn’t because of my culture. sil said someone should have kicked you out and maybe you would be such a bitch. i said that my child will be welcome to live with us but it won’t be the same as mil and that she needs to stop comparing it, because my parents expected more of me at ten than her husband and father expect of her at 57. she got pissed and i could hear fil whispering that we’re just jealous because we’re poor and everyone’s ugly and of course she should have whatever she wants (this woman must have a golden vagina because i don’t get how else she gets him to enable her). i feel like it’s offensive that she compares my culture to her dads shitty parenting but dh says i shouldn’t have said anything.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m korean but married to a white man. in asian families it is very common to live at home well into adulthood or until you get married. my mil also lived at home until she got married and seems to think it is the same thing. while living at home i earned a masters degree and worked full time. she slept all day, went shopping with her dads money, partied, and got multiple duis but somehow was never charged (her dad is super rich and well known where we live) finally she got her much older married boyfriend to leave his wife and moved out of her dads house, to do the exact same thing minus the duis. i’m currently pregnant and my sil has a two year old and we were talking about parenting. she’s pretty strict and mil does not approve. mil interjected that sil is probably going to be one of those american parents who kicks their kids out at eighteen but that i wouldn’t because of my culture. sil said someone should have kicked you out and maybe you would be such a bitch. i said that my child will be welcome to live with us but it won’t be the same as mil and that she needs to stop comparing it, because my parents expected more of me at ten than her husband and father expect of her at 57. she got pissed and i could hear fil whispering that we’re just jealous because we’re poor and everyone’s ugly and of course she should have whatever she wants (this woman must have a golden vagina because i don’t get how else she gets him to enable her). i feel like it’s offensive that she compares my culture to her dads shitty parenting but dh says i shouldn’t have said anything. [/INST] esh. your mil for being rude about your sil's parenting choices, fil for whatever the fuck that was. from what you've written, it doesn't look like mil compared her experience to yours, she just said that you wouldn't make your child leave at 18. i don't know if you've left something out, but it seems like you're the one who started comparing your childhoods. </s>
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AITA for pretending to be sick so I don’t have to celebrate Christmas with my family even though it means I won’t get to spend it with my son?
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every year we spend christmas with both my family and my in-laws. this year, i lied about being sick so i didn’t have to make the trip but my husband took our son with him.
the reason i lied is because i don’t want to see my parents. my family/in-laws/husband, especially my dad, have treated me like a doormat my whole life but it hasn’t been until this year that i’ve realised it. the revelation has made me feel uncomfortable about a lot of aspects of my life and i feel a lot of anger towards my dad. i don’t want to act on the anger so i thought it was best i stay away from him until i can stop feeling this way, instead of ruining christmas for everyone.
i wanted to spend christmas as just the three of us but my husband wouldn’t relent and told me we were going. the day we were supposed to fly out i lied and said i was sick (it wasn’t a complete lie since i was feeling nauseous). my husband didn’t believe me and kept saying i was lying because i didn’t want to go. in the end he and our son went and i stayed behind.
this morning, he called me to tell me it wasn’t too late for me to join them but i told him i still didn’t feel well. he told me to stop bullshitting and said i should think of our son. we had a fight since i told him he could bring our son home instead.
aita?
| 1,665
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnrqae/aita_for_pretending_to_be_sick_so_i_dont_have_to/
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2021-12-24 18:16:28
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esh. you need to seek help sorting a loooooot of stuff out.
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nta - op's husband thinks her setting boundaries is "ridiculous", therapy is "poisoning her mind", and now that she's putting her foot down, he's getting more demanding. nta, nta, nta. i understand why you lied.
that said, you do need to have a serious chat with your therapist about this because if he isn't willing to see that he's a large part of the problem here, how do you see the marriage moving forward? is he willing to attend marriage counseling? no need to answer; just things to think about. if he isn't willing to make any changes, you need to work with your therapist and figure out what your next step(s) are. this is not healthy for you and it's not a healthy environment for your son nor is your husband a good example of how a healthy individual acts in a relationship.
info - have you talked through any of this with your husband? you included him in the lineup of those who are treating you like a doormat but i'm curious if you've expressed this at all during the course of the year? and, since his response came across as demanding ("we're going"), i'm just wondering if he knew the real reason(s) you didn't want to go? does he often act like that - telling you what to do or is he just overly excited about the trip? also, how old is your son?
i think understanding the larger context matters.
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nta - op i understand these feelings as i’ve experienced something similar. unfortunately these feelings are never going to go away - what is best for you is therapy, boundary setting and discovering your own worth. if you ignore your feelings or don’t deal with them in healthy ways they will come out in unhealthy ways and you will hurt the people you care about.
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nta. honestly no one is owed your presence for christmas or any holiday. we are adults, if we dont want to go we dont have to. the favt your husband is not only being unsupportive, but also combative about it is a big issue for me personally.
if this was a just an off day, and it came from nowhere, id be a little confused sure, but again, your an adult. dont gotta go if you dont want too.
but in this case, im assuming your husband knows why you've decided to choose distance this year. and instead if supporting his partner, he is trying to guilt you to keep the family image. when people say, "hey, wheres op?" all husband has to say it, "op was feeling a little under the weather. felt safer to opt out, sends her love though!"
thats not difficult to do. seems your husband is just upset the normal dynamic is being changed. whats his issue? why does this bother him so much that your choosing to stay back? i know he says its for the kiddo, but his response tells me otherwise. whats the real reason hes upset this year is the year you choose to set boundaries?
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all these yta comments are dumb asf. do people really think that a person who has been treated like a doormat by their family all their life can set boundaries??? her husband is so used to having the upper hand in their relationship, that he doesn’t wanna take a no from his wife. you think she can set boundaries for a person like that??? even if she was to have a conversation with her husband, he probably would have gaslighted her and made her feel invalid. op is nta for not wanting to face her shitty dad and for not being able to set boundaries in an obviously power imbalanced relationship.
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nta. all these yta and esh comments are the reason it's so hard for emotionally abused people to understand the extent of the abuse they endure. y'all are focusing on the lie target than the *reason she lied*. she did not feel safe with her family, expressed that to her husband, who invalidated her concerns and rather than try to find out why she had those concerns, steamrolled her wishes and demanded his way and only his way under the guise that it's 'for their kid'.
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[deleted]
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what's this with your husband wouldn't relent and says your going anyway? he tells you what you will and will not do? so you made up being sick instead of telling him the truth? why not tell him the truth. as you are getting older you understand more the mistreatment from your family and you don't want to be around them this christmas. you want to stay home with you and the child so you can start making your own family memories and traditions. tell him the truth! these are your boundries and you can choose who to be around. do not let him or anyone else discount or minimize your feelings. oh get over it, that's in the past, move on, don't be bitter. the usual garbage. you have these feelings and they don't just magically disappear.
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info: what are some examples of them treating you like a doormat?
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[deleted]
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null |
INFO
| null | 0.326047
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every year we spend christmas with both my family and my in-laws. this year, i lied about being sick so i didn’t have to make the trip but my husband took our son with him. the reason i lied is because i don’t want to see my parents. my family/in-laws/husband, especially my dad, have treated me like a doormat my whole life but it hasn’t been until this year that i’ve realised it. the revelation has made me feel uncomfortable about a lot of aspects of my life and i feel a lot of anger towards my dad. i don’t want to act on the anger so i thought it was best i stay away from him until i can stop feeling this way, instead of ruining christmas for everyone. i wanted to spend christmas as just the three of us but my husband wouldn’t relent and told me we were going. the day we were supposed to fly out i lied and said i was sick (it wasn’t a complete lie since i was feeling nauseous). my husband didn’t believe me and kept saying i was lying because i didn’t want to go. in the end he and our son went and i stayed behind. this morning, he called me to tell me it wasn’t too late for me to join them but i told him i still didn’t feel well. he told me to stop bullshitting and said i should think of our son. we had a fight since i told him he could bring our son home instead. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
every year we spend christmas with both my family and my in-laws. this year, i lied about being sick so i didn’t have to make the trip but my husband took our son with him. the reason i lied is because i don’t want to see my parents. my family/in-laws/husband, especially my dad, have treated me like a doormat my whole life but it hasn’t been until this year that i’ve realised it. the revelation has made me feel uncomfortable about a lot of aspects of my life and i feel a lot of anger towards my dad. i don’t want to act on the anger so i thought it was best i stay away from him until i can stop feeling this way, instead of ruining christmas for everyone. i wanted to spend christmas as just the three of us but my husband wouldn’t relent and told me we were going. the day we were supposed to fly out i lied and said i was sick (it wasn’t a complete lie since i was feeling nauseous). my husband didn’t believe me and kept saying i was lying because i didn’t want to go. in the end he and our son went and i stayed behind. this morning, he called me to tell me it wasn’t too late for me to join them but i told him i still didn’t feel well. he told me to stop bullshitting and said i should think of our son. we had a fight since i told him he could bring our son home instead. aita? [/INST] esh. you need to seek help sorting a loooooot of stuff out. </s>
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AITA for refusing to cook my boyfriends steak rare?
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i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality.
one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy.
i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home.
i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board.
on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it.
i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind.
| 9,247
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgkgu6/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_my_boyfriends_steak_rare/
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2019-10-11 20:03:20
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yta. you're being petty and passive aggressive for no reason. i personally love well-done steak, and my boyfriend teases me and makes fun of me for the "hockey puck" steaks he makes when he makes steak for us all of the time. you don't get to dictate someone else's food preferences, and trying to strong arm him into liking food the way you like it is just weird. he doesn't want his steak well-done, get over it. why not give him some of yours, if you wanted him to try it that badly, instead of trying to force him into making his whole steak the way you like it?
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nta
this is kind of a ridiculous fight, but i disagree with a lot of these comments. everyone is so hellbent on pushing that you “tried to force him to eat something he didn’t want,” but at the same time calling y t a for not cooking something that wasn’t what you wanted to cook?
op: i want to cook well-done steaks!
bf: okay lets do it.
bf: actually no i want mine rare.
op: okay well come make your steak rare then.
bf wasn’t forced to eat a well done steak he didn’t want. op wasn’t forced to cook a steak in a way that she didn’t want to. it’s a little bit hypocritical imo to vilify op for supposedly trying to “force” her bf into doing something and then in the same breath say she should have been forced to do something she didn’t want to.
to me it doesn’t matter if it’s just “taking the meat off a few minutes earlier.” op wanted to try cooking steaks in a specific way, her boyfriend agreed but then changed his mind last minute and wanted his a different way, and op didn’t want to do it that way so she had him cook his own.
the fact that he’s still passive aggressively talking shit about his own girlfriend over something this ridiculous is pretty pathetic to me. “my girlfriend didn’t cook my steak for me! boohoo she’s such a b*tch!”
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esh. you, for liking a well-done steak (just kidding... mostly), and for not just cooking the steak how your boyfriend asked you to. he sucks for bringing others into a private argument. he's the worse of the two, though.
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nta. it was going to be no assholes here... until the very end, where he started telling others mean things about you, even after you accommodated him and let him cook his own steak as he wanted it.
there is nothing inherently wrong with well done meat. some people prefer it that way. it's a matter of tastes / opinion.
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**nta**
you and he agreed to and made a specific plan. you bought the goods prepped everything and he basicaly derailed it, then wants to denigrate you for the situation he created. he's the asshole, and shows very little respect for you by taking his pettiness out to "anyone and everyone" when it's not their business.
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i’m gonna go with nta, because you spent your own money on a meal that you went to the trouble to prepare, and he refused to eat it the way you were going to prepare it, and insisted you make him a different meal. that’s just incredibly rude behavior. he doesn’t get to place his order with you like he’s at a restaurant. i’ll give him a 10% asshole discount for at least telling you before you made the steak, instead of sitting there and refusing to eat it like a toddler, but even so. not acceptable behavior.
also, he keeps bringing it up and telling everyone that you wouldn’t cook his steak rare, but supposedly you’re the petty baby in this scenario? you paid for this meal. he needs to build a bridge and get over it.
i agree that next time, making a serving for yourself and letting him try it is probably the way to go, if for no other reason than the fact that it’ll be cheaper for you and he won’t have anything to complain about.
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am i the only one wanting to know how the steaks turned out?
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nta. the point of the special mid-week steak meal is to try a new well-done preparation of steak that op was excited about. the done-ness of the steak is not an afterthought; it is the *entire point* of this recipe/experiment. bf knew this when he said he wanted to try it. he then insisted on rare after op spent the time, money, and effort prepping the food for this specific recipe. that’s rude. he can cook his own food if he doesn’t want what’s being prepared, which in this case is very specifically well-done steak.
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esh. this shouldn't have been an argument. even if you made his steak rare for him, you could've given him a bite of yours for him to try. it's not that hard to find a compromise. you shouldn't force him to eat something he doesn't want to eat, anyways.
he sucks for telling everyone about it and making you seem petty. i get complaining about your so can cathartic sometimes, but this one is just petty and stupid.
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this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever read here, and that’s saying a lot. it’s a piece of meat.
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.320187
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality. one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy. i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home. i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board. on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it. i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality. one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy. i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home. i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board. on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it. i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind. [/INST] yta. you're being petty and passive aggressive for no reason. i personally love well-done steak, and my boyfriend teases me and makes fun of me for the "hockey puck" steaks he makes when he makes steak for us all of the time. you don't get to dictate someone else's food preferences, and trying to strong arm him into liking food the way you like it is just weird. he doesn't want his steak well-done, get over it. why not give him some of yours, if you wanted him to try it that badly, instead of trying to force him into making his whole steak the way you like it? </s>
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AITA - Boyfriend chose weed over an anniversary gift.
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me (19f) and my boyfriend (21m) have been together a year on the 30th. it's not long i know, but he lives in a little village and doesnt have a job. hes 21. i live in the city and had a job but have been on furlough since march. i'm 19. i've spent the last 8 months creating a scrapbook and a little box of his favorite items and things that he'll like and i know he hasn't gotten me anything yet. hasn't even thought of it. he doesnt have any money but i told him he could just get me a card or make me something personal. i'm not materialistic at all but it would be nice to get something in return for a project that took 8 months to complete. his grandma gave him £10 this week when i was next to him and he told me hes get me a card and a little something, even if it was cheap. i was more than okay with that. half an hour later he told me hed be back in ten minutes. he spent the £10 on weed. when i called him out on it he said that hed borrow some money from his grandma or mum to get me a card but that just makes me feel like shit because it's not from him and it, and i, wasnt really his first choice. weed was. i know technically the £10 wasnt from him either but everytime i mention going on universal credit or jobseekers he just shrugs it off. he is looking for a job, but it seems half assed.
tdr - aita for expecting my boyfriend to get me a gift on our one year anniversary or is he ta for choosing weed instead?
| 1,261
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwbjqd/aita_boyfriend_chose_weed_over_an_anniversary_gift/
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2020-09-20 10:30:14
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info: you started preparing a gift for your anniversary when you had only been together for 4 months?? i think you need to seriously reevaluate the amount of effort you put into relationships especially when it's clearly so one sided.
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[removed]
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[deleted]
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esh
you spent 8 months of a 1 year relationship making a gift.... that's odd. you want a present that is equal in thought in return because you've spent 2/3 of your relationship making one gift.
have you guys ever talked about where you see your relationship? you seem like you are trying to build a future with him, and honestly, he seems like he is just about being casual. if this story was told from another perspective you would come over as almost stalkerish. i think you need to take a step back.
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nta.
you seem really sweet, so i hate to have to tell you this, but you're not in a relationship. you seem to think you are, but to be in a relationship, you actually need two people investing, not just one. it's about time you realize that and find a nice guy have a real relationship with.
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nta - according to your bf you are not even worth £10, says it all really
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nta but girl this is a relationship sub question. it's not about £10, that isn't really enough to get you anything. i'm in the uk too and if he seriously couldn't get his arse to the local b&m bargains for a 59p card, it needs a good kicking.
you are clearly not his first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, or eighth priority. that's the number of months you've spent working on a present for him.
i feel really bad for you that your self worth in this relationship has been whittled down to £10. i've read some of your comments and you say he brings you comfort and deals with your anxiety and stuff. but what is he taking from you in exchange for that? your money and a hell of a lot of your energy. if you didn't have to deal with this relationship, you'd be sad for a while but i'm sure that soon enough you'd bounce back and you could use the energy that you've been feeding into a black hole (him) on yourself. who knows, maybe it's your poor self-worth and anxiety that's making you respond to such toxic emotions from him. you should never base your opinion of a relationship on what the person does when you're feeling down.
he doesn't want to do any better for himself, and therefore he doesn't want any better for you. i'm willing to bet you do all the travelling to ensure you can see each other. what would happen if you got a great job somewhere else? either he would just sit by and do nothing, or he would move in with you and not pay his way at all, just sit smoking weed on your paycheck.
unfortunately it sounds like this is the way he is. you can't change him. you have to accept this measly amount of affection or you can decide you are stronger than this and deserve better.
i feel sorry for your bf in his own right, because universal credit screws everyone over. but like you say, if he won't get a job or universal credit... you can still be with him if you're with him for his personal qualities and not as a stable life partner right now, but you can't pick up the slack for him, financially or emotionally. you don't have the space in your head for it.
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info - is he aware that you've been working for 8 months for year 1 anniversary? if he is, he might be trying to get you to break things off because he might be worried that you'll fly off the handle if he breaks up with you.
to me this sounds super obsessive and creepy. while this certainly might be youthful excitement, i've seen enough to be seriously worried the relationship will drag me, my friends and my family into a drawn out shit show.
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aha omg are you saying my ex?😂 nta at all, he can't even be bothered to set up universal credit?! that's insane.
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nta and you might be dating a loser. sorry no, you are definitely dating a loser.
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INFO
| null | null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.111582
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (19f) and my boyfriend (21m) have been together a year on the 30th. it's not long i know, but he lives in a little village and doesnt have a job. hes 21. i live in the city and had a job but have been on furlough since march. i'm 19. i've spent the last 8 months creating a scrapbook and a little box of his favorite items and things that he'll like and i know he hasn't gotten me anything yet. hasn't even thought of it. he doesnt have any money but i told him he could just get me a card or make me something personal. i'm not materialistic at all but it would be nice to get something in return for a project that took 8 months to complete. his grandma gave him £10 this week when i was next to him and he told me hes get me a card and a little something, even if it was cheap. i was more than okay with that. half an hour later he told me hed be back in ten minutes. he spent the £10 on weed. when i called him out on it he said that hed borrow some money from his grandma or mum to get me a card but that just makes me feel like shit because it's not from him and it, and i, wasnt really his first choice. weed was. i know technically the £10 wasnt from him either but everytime i mention going on universal credit or jobseekers he just shrugs it off. he is looking for a job, but it seems half assed. tdr - aita for expecting my boyfriend to get me a gift on our one year anniversary or is he ta for choosing weed instead?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (19f) and my boyfriend (21m) have been together a year on the 30th. it's not long i know, but he lives in a little village and doesnt have a job. hes 21. i live in the city and had a job but have been on furlough since march. i'm 19. i've spent the last 8 months creating a scrapbook and a little box of his favorite items and things that he'll like and i know he hasn't gotten me anything yet. hasn't even thought of it. he doesnt have any money but i told him he could just get me a card or make me something personal. i'm not materialistic at all but it would be nice to get something in return for a project that took 8 months to complete. his grandma gave him £10 this week when i was next to him and he told me hes get me a card and a little something, even if it was cheap. i was more than okay with that. half an hour later he told me hed be back in ten minutes. he spent the £10 on weed. when i called him out on it he said that hed borrow some money from his grandma or mum to get me a card but that just makes me feel like shit because it's not from him and it, and i, wasnt really his first choice. weed was. i know technically the £10 wasnt from him either but everytime i mention going on universal credit or jobseekers he just shrugs it off. he is looking for a job, but it seems half assed. tdr - aita for expecting my boyfriend to get me a gift on our one year anniversary or is he ta for choosing weed instead? [/INST] info: you started preparing a gift for your anniversary when you had only been together for 4 months?? i think you need to seriously reevaluate the amount of effort you put into relationships especially when it's clearly so one sided. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my girlfriend she can't come to NYC with me and my friends because she is going to complain too much?
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god, i know that sounds horrible. but this entire situation is kind of awful. friends invited me to new york to hang out, its where i grew up and i love it there. last two years, my girlfriend couldn't go because of work, but this year she can go and wants to come. i love my girlfriend to death, and i know this is gonna sound bad, but here goes nothing
here's the thing... i just feel like she is going to complain, a lot. she rarely ever walks and when she does she gets tired pretty quickly (she drives everywhere), i cant even imagine how she would react to how smelly the subway is, she gets pretty scared at even slightly 'urban' stuff like graffiti or garbage or homeless on the streets. i feel like her perception of new york is some glamorous ivory tower heaven with celebrities everywhere, but we aren't going to soho, we're going to be going back and forth between chinatown and bushwick for the weekend. not only that, but she very often gets panic attacks, and she has ibs, which is basically your stomach gets super upset when you get anxious.
when we go to nyc we typically walk throughout the city and hang out with friends everywhere, go to tompkins, go to bars and parties and go skating etc and i really cannot think she would enjoy that at all. i am also super worried that my friends are going to really be upset if she slows us down or complains constantly or has an ibs attack and all that.
&#x200b;
we only live 2 hours away (we used to live in virginia, now we live in new jersey). so i just figure maybe one day i will take her to nyc and we can do whatever she wants, at whatever pace she wants. but in this specific situation, i can just tell she's going to be overwhelmed and upset and everyone else is going to think of her as nuisance. i love her to death, but that is just the reality. she is very, very much not an urban person.
&#x200b;
would i be the asshole if i just told her not to come? or should i just swallow my complaints and let her come? or should i just not go at all? i mean nobody wants to hear from their so that they cant come on a trip because they cant 'handle it'. even just typing this post makes me kinda feel icky to describe my gf that way, she is an amazing person and i love her to death, but i am not gonna lie and downplay that she can be a tiny bit sheltered when it comes to this kind of stuff.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dun18j/wibta_if_i_told_my_girlfriend_she_cant_come_to/
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2019-11-11 04:16:02
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info: have you tried planning a seperate trip to new york with her? maybe you could tell her that this one is "just the guys", and take her to ny on a seperate occasion when you feel as if you could better accommodate her particular needs.
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nah, why don’t you tell her that the weekend plans will have you in “shadier” areas? (i love those neighborhoods, btw.) explain that you are really concerned that she is not going to be comfortable and get the experience she is expecting. offer to take her back for valentine’s as a romantic weekend.
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nta because
>friends invited me to new york to hang out
you were invited, not you +1. the only way it would be okay to invite a +1 is if you know for certain that the +1 would enhance the trip for everyone involved, especially those who did the inviting. this has nothing to do with how you feel or what you want or how she feels or what she wants. it has everything to do with proper etiquette when responding to an invitation. you would be an asshole if you brought her along because you will subjecting others to her problems (ibs, whining, immobility, etc.). it would be extremely disrespectful of the time, effort, and money that they will invest in your reunion.
to be clear, you should be tactful when telling her so.
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i'd say nta if you warned her what she was in for if she came and let her decide. yta if you just decide for her so she doesn't embarrass you.
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info: have you given your girlfriend the rundown of your nyc trip? something along the lines of "hey, this is the plan i have with my friends involving this and that. just making sure that you're okay with what we have planned?"
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i'm going to be honest with you mate... i don't know. i get where you are coming from, but the problem is it also paints her to look like a pain in the ass.
i have ptsd anxiety ibs the works, i don't think i would feel very loved if my people didn't want me coming along because of my problems,
that being said
i also wouldn't want to hold my people's back from doing what they want to do just because i'm freaking out,
personally if i was your girlfriend (not trying to hit in you by any means) i think i would feel much more comfortable with talking some of friends so me and them could do our thing at our own pace while you do your thing at your pace and then we meet up at the hotel and talk. about days and luagh and joke and still enjoy each other's company
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info
how much have you talked to her about this? does she know what nyc is like and what she'd be getting herself into?
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nah but it sounds like this has become an annual thing. why not just take her, explain how important this trip is to you and how you want to share your hometown with her. tell her you are a little worried about her comfort but you know she’s going to be great and have fun. explain about the walking and the subway but try to be positive and supportive.
if she ends up having a bad time don’t take her next year. if she starts to complain tell her if she isn’t having fun she can go back home to rest. but try to plan the days so she will have fun too.
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nta
you were invited to ny by some friends, not you and gf!
just because you two are together doesn’t mean any invitation one of you receives also includes the other. just tell her that! it was an invite for 1, not you +1.
all of the other stuff isn’t really necessary to mention to her!! doing so could cause so many other problems...god forbid she try to prove herself to be street-worthy and dance battle a bunch of youths/s
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here's the deal, i think this all comes down to communication. from what it sounds like, you are assuming that a lot of things will happen. and they may and probably will, as you are most likely basing these assumptions on past experiences.
this is where yta, you are not allowing her to make this decision. i have a suspicion that these are not the real reasons. i suspect that you don't want her to come with you because you are hanging out with your friends, and this happens to be a convenient excuse to tell her she can't.
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: god, i know that sounds horrible. but this entire situation is kind of awful. friends invited me to new york to hang out, its where i grew up and i love it there. last two years, my girlfriend couldn't go because of work, but this year she can go and wants to come. i love my girlfriend to death, and i know this is gonna sound bad, but here goes nothing here's the thing... i just feel like she is going to complain, a lot. she rarely ever walks and when she does she gets tired pretty quickly (she drives everywhere), i cant even imagine how she would react to how smelly the subway is, she gets pretty scared at even slightly 'urban' stuff like graffiti or garbage or homeless on the streets. i feel like her perception of new york is some glamorous ivory tower heaven with celebrities everywhere, but we aren't going to soho, we're going to be going back and forth between chinatown and bushwick for the weekend. not only that, but she very often gets panic attacks, and she has ibs, which is basically your stomach gets super upset when you get anxious. when we go to nyc we typically walk throughout the city and hang out with friends everywhere, go to tompkins, go to bars and parties and go skating etc and i really cannot think she would enjoy that at all. i am also super worried that my friends are going to really be upset if she slows us down or complains constantly or has an ibs attack and all that. &#x200b; we only live 2 hours away (we used to live in virginia, now we live in new jersey). so i just figure maybe one day i will take her to nyc and we can do whatever she wants, at whatever pace she wants. but in this specific situation, i can just tell she's going to be overwhelmed and upset and everyone else is going to think of her as nuisance. i love her to death, but that is just the reality. she is very, very much not an urban person. &#x200b; would i be the asshole if i just told her not to come? or should i just swallow my complaints and let her come? or should i just not go at all? i mean nobody wants to hear from their so that they cant come on a trip because they cant 'handle it'. even just typing this post makes me kinda feel icky to describe my gf that way, she is an amazing person and i love her to death, but i am not gonna lie and downplay that she can be a tiny bit sheltered when it comes to this kind of stuff.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
god, i know that sounds horrible. but this entire situation is kind of awful. friends invited me to new york to hang out, its where i grew up and i love it there. last two years, my girlfriend couldn't go because of work, but this year she can go and wants to come. i love my girlfriend to death, and i know this is gonna sound bad, but here goes nothing here's the thing... i just feel like she is going to complain, a lot. she rarely ever walks and when she does she gets tired pretty quickly (she drives everywhere), i cant even imagine how she would react to how smelly the subway is, she gets pretty scared at even slightly 'urban' stuff like graffiti or garbage or homeless on the streets. i feel like her perception of new york is some glamorous ivory tower heaven with celebrities everywhere, but we aren't going to soho, we're going to be going back and forth between chinatown and bushwick for the weekend. not only that, but she very often gets panic attacks, and she has ibs, which is basically your stomach gets super upset when you get anxious. when we go to nyc we typically walk throughout the city and hang out with friends everywhere, go to tompkins, go to bars and parties and go skating etc and i really cannot think she would enjoy that at all. i am also super worried that my friends are going to really be upset if she slows us down or complains constantly or has an ibs attack and all that. &#x200b; we only live 2 hours away (we used to live in virginia, now we live in new jersey). so i just figure maybe one day i will take her to nyc and we can do whatever she wants, at whatever pace she wants. but in this specific situation, i can just tell she's going to be overwhelmed and upset and everyone else is going to think of her as nuisance. i love her to death, but that is just the reality. she is very, very much not an urban person. &#x200b; would i be the asshole if i just told her not to come? or should i just swallow my complaints and let her come? or should i just not go at all? i mean nobody wants to hear from their so that they cant come on a trip because they cant 'handle it'. even just typing this post makes me kinda feel icky to describe my gf that way, she is an amazing person and i love her to death, but i am not gonna lie and downplay that she can be a tiny bit sheltered when it comes to this kind of stuff. [/INST] info: have you tried planning a seperate trip to new york with her? maybe you could tell her that this one is "just the guys", and take her to ny on a seperate occasion when you feel as if you could better accommodate her particular needs. </s>
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AITA for not telling my wife that I picked her daughter up drunk from a house party?
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i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life.
last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know.
i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up.
i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwovur/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_that_i_picked_her/
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2019-06-04 13:46:38
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nah. just the fact that she felt she could call you, trust you not to fly off the handle, it's fantastic and i think more parents should learn from your example. you've gotten her out of such a dangerous situation. as for not telling your wife, there's no harm done, if her daughter did this again then perhaps think about mentioning it but making it clear she can't fly off of the handle if she wants her daughter to trust you both. again, fantastic parenting don't worry about being an asshole you really aren't.
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nah, but this is a tough one. the best course of action would have been too make your wife aware of the deal beforehand, and maybe even convince her to agree to it as well. then, you wouldn't have to keep secrets in your marriage.
as it stands, though, you can't really tell your wife without violating the deal you made, and it's important that your daughters are about to trust you.
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nah: but try to see if you can convince her to tell her mom herself with your help. it’ll let your wife know that she can trust the daughter and vice versa. that way you can provide judgement free guidance but continue to maintain transparency with your wife. plus, it will show her how to take responsibility for her actions.
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info: is your wife likely to freak out and/or punish the daughter for getting drunk at a party?
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nah i think you did right and you need to think about your stepdaughters trust if you tell her mum it will break it and she may hesitate to call you again.
i would talk to your step daughter and encourage her to mention it when she is ready to but say your lips are sealed if she doesnt want to.
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nta. you keeping your promise shows her that she can trust you in future situations. if you break that promise she may not trust you, and may not call again
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yta, although your heart is in the right place. this isn't the kind of secret you should keep from your wife, if you want to be a united front in terms of parenting.
you told your stepdaughter no questions asked and no judgments, but you didn't promise not to tell her mother, and you should tell her, because she should be on the same page with you as far as trust. would you be okay if your wife was keeping secrets about your daughter's behavior from you? even if you think you would be understanding, how would you feel about the fact that she didn't even give you a chance to make a decision about punishments?
you're also making her into the bad guy and you're now the "cool" parent by default, because your stepdaughter will assume that her mother will blow up at her while you'll let her get away with things. building trust with her daughter doesn't mean that you should be undermining your wife.
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nah - i think you did the right thing in picking up your stepdaughter and extending that trust. i think that opens the door for her to call you in the future if she gets into another situation, and she also feels safe enough to call someone instead of being afraid to and getting into a worse situation.
i don't know how angry your wife may be if she finds out that you didn't tell her about this, though. so if she does find out, you should be aware of the consequences with her. i think it would be wise to speak to your wife about this and see if both of you can come to an agreement to continue your deal with both girls. i'd also talk to your stepdaughter about it as well. i think all of you need to be on the same page.
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yta if you do not involve your wife in parenting her daughter. you're awesome for ensuring your stepdaughter had a safe call she could make.
this can have a positive effect if you tell your wife, provided she follows through on the no-questions/no-judgments aspect. your stepdaughter should know you've shared. it demonstrates co-parenting, a marriage with open communication, and lets her know two people are available in her times of need.
"your mom and i talked about last weekend. she's proud that you thought to call one of us."
---
> i want her to know that she can trust me.
you need to figure out if your wife is owed the same respect you're giving your stepdaughter.
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nah
i would recommend ensuring your wife is both aware of the agreement and onboard with it. she should know you are available to keep her daughter safe and be ok with not knowing about it to ensure her daughter continues to use you as a safety valve without fear of getting in trouble.
you’re a hero, and your wife can be too by supporting you.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.4098
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life. last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know. i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up. i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life. last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know. i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up. i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice. [/INST] nah. just the fact that she felt she could call you, trust you not to fly off the handle, it's fantastic and i think more parents should learn from your example. you've gotten her out of such a dangerous situation. as for not telling your wife, there's no harm done, if her daughter did this again then perhaps think about mentioning it but making it clear she can't fly off of the handle if she wants her daughter to trust you both. again, fantastic parenting don't worry about being an asshole you really aren't. </s>
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AITA for asking my friend to not bring his girlfriend on our vacation even though he’s providing the accommodation?
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i’m going on a ski trip in a few weeks with my friends. my friend, dante, is providing free accommodation for our entire group.
dante’s girlfriend, grace, asked to come on the trip too when she heard about it. we didn’t know her well when she originally asked and since dante wanted her there everybody said it was fine. however, grace makes me uncomfortable.
i’ve been friends with dante since we were both babies so we’re close. nothing romantic has ever happened between us but grace has started asking me some weird and inappropriate questions recently. she’s asked me things like if i find him attractive and if i would date him if he gave me the time of day. she also told me i definitely wasn’t his type even though i never asked.
i don’t want her on the trip so i asked dante to not bring her. i told him she made me uncomfortable and he said he would need to think about it.
i guess he told her she couldn’t come and why because she’s angry at me and thinks i’m doing this to cause issues in their relationship. she thinks i shouldn’t go if i’m so uncomfortable around her instead of forcing him to uninvite her. our group is divided so aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0kgey/aita_for_asking_my_friend_to_not_bring_his/
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2022-11-21 00:37:07
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esh. his gf is insecure about your relationship with dante and is being weird with you. but dante is hosting and you asked him to disinvite his gf, which makes you an ah. the fact that he did as you said (and told his gf) is a little odd and is only going to make his gf more suspect of you.
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yta. where do you get off telling your friend who he can or cannot take to accommodations he is providing? especially his own girlfriend? if you are so uncomfortable, you stay home!
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yta
he's the one providing accommodation so he should be able to bring his partner along. you had the option not to go, if you were uncomfortable with the people he invited you could have chosen not to go. also with multiple people on the trip you could avoid interacting with her too much.
i don't even know if her behavior is all that objectionable either.
>she’s asked me things like if i find him attractive and if i would date him if he gave me the time of day. she also told me i definitely wasn’t his type even though i never asked.
grace isn't necessarily asking or saying anything weird, at least not for a new-ish girlfriend. she's very obviously insecure about yours and dante's relationship and/or trying to work out what the boundaries of your relationship is.
there's not enough information to tell if that's because you're doing something to make grace think you're interested, or if dante is doing something to make her think he's interested in you or if she's just insecure.
>i don’t want her on the trip so i asked dante to not bring her \[because she's made me uncomfortable with these questions\].
however, the fact that you asked him to leave his gf behind because she was worried about your relationship with dante (and that he agreed to do it) suggests that your relationship is probably veering into uncomfortably close territory.
i've had my friend's girlfriends ask me these questions before and i don't think they've ever made me properly uncomfortable, and certainly not to the point i'd ask my friend to ban their partner from a trip my friend was paying for.
did it occur to you that this trip could have been a chance to reassure her and let her see there's nothing between you and dante? that asking him to uninvite her would actually lead to her thinking her worst insecurities are true? did you think dante would lie to her about the reason she was uninvited?
edit to add: you caused a pick me or her situation and i think he picked you. that alone would suggest grace isn't being the 'crazy jealous' gf.
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yta. you asked him to exclude his girlfriend from a trip he’s footing the bill for. no wonder she’s suspicious.
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>she thinks i shouldn’t go if i’m so uncomfortable around her instead of forcing him to uninvite her
i agree with her completely. frankly dante should have told you that himself when you suggested his girlfriend not come, and if he keeps choosing you over his girlfriend he’s gonna find himself single. if she didn’t have a reason to distrust and dislike you before, she certainly does now.
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yta - it’s his girlfriend, you should stay home if you aren’t comfortable.
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yta. if dante is paying for the trip, he gets to decide who to invite.
as far as she is concerned, you have proved her right. you have shown a willingness and a desire to interfere and come between her and dante.
my guess is that she approached you with her concerns because she sensed a lack of warmth and welcome from you. she may have felt that you see her as an interloper.
if you want to continue to be friends with dante, you will need to be able to make room for his romantic partners because, believe me, you won't like what happens if you make him choose.
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esh
she's insecure that he would prefer your company to hers, this could be based on something he's done or said or be completely unfounded, we don't know and neither do you.
you took this dilemma and decided to ask a man, friend or not, to uninvite his girlfriend instead of deciding to uninvite yourself. whether you meant to or not, you asked him to choose between you and his girlfriend.
he confirmed her suspicions by choosing you.
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yta if he’s paying for the accommodations for everybody, he can bring who he likes
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yta. the girlfriend may be an ah to you too but your behavior tells me she may not be far off the mark. the bottom line is you are a guest of dante who is providing the accommodation and you should not be allowed to dictate whether he can bring his gf. and he should never have uninvited her at your request. this is all pretty cringe.
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m going on a ski trip in a few weeks with my friends. my friend, dante, is providing free accommodation for our entire group. dante’s girlfriend, grace, asked to come on the trip too when she heard about it. we didn’t know her well when she originally asked and since dante wanted her there everybody said it was fine. however, grace makes me uncomfortable. i’ve been friends with dante since we were both babies so we’re close. nothing romantic has ever happened between us but grace has started asking me some weird and inappropriate questions recently. she’s asked me things like if i find him attractive and if i would date him if he gave me the time of day. she also told me i definitely wasn’t his type even though i never asked. i don’t want her on the trip so i asked dante to not bring her. i told him she made me uncomfortable and he said he would need to think about it. i guess he told her she couldn’t come and why because she’s angry at me and thinks i’m doing this to cause issues in their relationship. she thinks i shouldn’t go if i’m so uncomfortable around her instead of forcing him to uninvite her. our group is divided so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m going on a ski trip in a few weeks with my friends. my friend, dante, is providing free accommodation for our entire group. dante’s girlfriend, grace, asked to come on the trip too when she heard about it. we didn’t know her well when she originally asked and since dante wanted her there everybody said it was fine. however, grace makes me uncomfortable. i’ve been friends with dante since we were both babies so we’re close. nothing romantic has ever happened between us but grace has started asking me some weird and inappropriate questions recently. she’s asked me things like if i find him attractive and if i would date him if he gave me the time of day. she also told me i definitely wasn’t his type even though i never asked. i don’t want her on the trip so i asked dante to not bring her. i told him she made me uncomfortable and he said he would need to think about it. i guess he told her she couldn’t come and why because she’s angry at me and thinks i’m doing this to cause issues in their relationship. she thinks i shouldn’t go if i’m so uncomfortable around her instead of forcing him to uninvite her. our group is divided so aita? [/INST] esh. his gf is insecure about your relationship with dante and is being weird with you. but dante is hosting and you asked him to disinvite his gf, which makes you an ah. the fact that he did as you said (and told his gf) is a little odd and is only going to make his gf more suspect of you. </s>
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AITA for buying supplies to make a costume for Comicon?
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i (19f) am a disabled college student. for the record, i have what is known as mixed cerebral palsy(for brevity and privacy i won't be going further into this). i have been in a wheelchair because of it for almost all my life and have issues with some motor control in my hands. it makes doing what someone would consider a simple task a 100x harder but not impossible.
my mom can be extremely overprotective though and always insists on doing everything for me no matter how much i tell her to stop. (i live at home) she and i had a huge fight over just going to college we finally came to an agreement that she would allow me to attend a local community college in my city part-time. my mother has been receiving a disability check for me since i was diagnosed as a small child, but now that i'm an adult i've told her i want my own account for the funds to go into so i can pay for things myself. she had a conniption fit but finally agreed to at least let me have a bank card to her account so i can access a small allowance amount each month. i honestly think she likes playing the role of the long-suffering mother.
i've been saving this up for the last 3 months so i could buy fabric and other accessories to make a costume for comic con this year in july. i'm a huge nerd and have always wanted to go. in my mind, it will be a day that instead of ppl commenting on my disability they'll be looking at my creation. a day i can be like everyone else.
but when i made my purchases online my mom flipped out. she read me the riot act on how wasteful it was and selfish bc she would end up having to help me or do it all herself. i tried to tell her i don't want her help that's the point! but she doesn't see it that way and is demanding i return the items and out the funds back in her account. she thinks i am the ah here but i don't think i am i'm just trying to do something that will make me happy. aita?
| 468
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ex86d5/aita_for_buying_supplies_to_make_a_costume_for/
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2020-02-01 16:03:45
|
info
are you in the us, and receiving ssi? there should have been a meeting before or around when you turned 18, about transferring control of your disability payments to you. i would suggest consulting with a lawyer who deals with ssi and whatnot, because unless you're more disabled than you let on in your post, your mother should no longer be the recipient of them, which leads me to believe she might have pulled something.
|
nta
> my mother has been receiving a disability check for me since i was diagnosed as a small child, but now that i'm an adult i've told her i want my own account for the funds to go into so i can pay for things myself. she had a conniption fit but finally agreed to at least let me have a bank card to her account so i can access a small allowance amount each month.
i don't see any other way ariound it, but to saythat your mother's treatment of you is a form of abuse. she is trying to keep you helpless, in order to feel like she is the one in control.
the very idea that she would argue with you, and put you down by accusing you of being unable to do things for yourself, and doesn't even recognize that you are an adult... it breaks my heart. someone who loves you should be *encouraging* you do be as independent as you can... to never give up, and keep trying to do things, so you can see just how capable you really are.
she can be there to help you... but that "help" *should* also include helping you **grow**, and live your own life to the fullest.
you're an adult now. she has no legal right to prevent you from accessing the money you receive for disability.
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nta i want to give your mom the benefit of the doubt, that she's never planned for your eventual adulthood and is getting thrown for loop that not only are you an adult, but are beginning to have desires that she does not sanction.
i think it would help for you to start managing your own income. pay your mom the equivalent of room and board and this may be difficult, find out your mom's financial status, is she depending on your income to pay her bills? does she have another source of income? it may be fear of losing her ability to manage without your income that is making her so upset.
don't return anything, have a great time making your costume and rocking it at comiccon.
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nta, even without addressing all the red flags about your mother's behaviour, it's your money and you are entitled to spend it on what you like. i hope at some point you decide to talk to someone about your mother's behaviour though, it sounds as though you are in an abusive environment (financial abuse is a huge deal).
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your mother is abusing you.
you are an adult. that money is entirely yours.
you are an adult, she does not "allow" you to go to college.
you need to take charge of yourself like an adult.
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nta, she's not your servant, and you didn't ask her to be. she needs to learn you are an adult even though you have a disability. don't return the items and have fun at comic con! i'm going too
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nta but this is literally the plot to [the act](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8682948/), up to and including going to comicon and arguing about the costume.
if this is real, i think you know well already that your mom is abusing you financially and you need to get out from under her thumb and take control of your own finances and your own life if possible. nta either way though.
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nta at all.
i think you should gain control of your own money, but also pay her a stipend towards your living expenses. would you wind up in the hole, or with leftover money?
i hope you rock your costume!!
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you are absolutely nta but your mom is ta. it’s not unreasonable of your mom to ask for some of your disability money to help maintain your living expenses. however, as an adult that money belongs to you not her. she should also be able to receive a stipend from the state as your full-time caregiver if you live in the united states. it’s great that you’re going to community college, and i highly suggest that you develop the skills to create a career for yourself that would allow you to be independent of your mother. there are many many career options open to people with cerebral palsy. if you are in the united states, you should contact the department of rehabilitation, not only will they help you pay for your schooling but they can assist you in developing career opportunities.
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19f) am a disabled college student. for the record, i have what is known as mixed cerebral palsy(for brevity and privacy i won't be going further into this). i have been in a wheelchair because of it for almost all my life and have issues with some motor control in my hands. it makes doing what someone would consider a simple task a 100x harder but not impossible. my mom can be extremely overprotective though and always insists on doing everything for me no matter how much i tell her to stop. (i live at home) she and i had a huge fight over just going to college we finally came to an agreement that she would allow me to attend a local community college in my city part-time. my mother has been receiving a disability check for me since i was diagnosed as a small child, but now that i'm an adult i've told her i want my own account for the funds to go into so i can pay for things myself. she had a conniption fit but finally agreed to at least let me have a bank card to her account so i can access a small allowance amount each month. i honestly think she likes playing the role of the long-suffering mother. i've been saving this up for the last 3 months so i could buy fabric and other accessories to make a costume for comic con this year in july. i'm a huge nerd and have always wanted to go. in my mind, it will be a day that instead of ppl commenting on my disability they'll be looking at my creation. a day i can be like everyone else. but when i made my purchases online my mom flipped out. she read me the riot act on how wasteful it was and selfish bc she would end up having to help me or do it all herself. i tried to tell her i don't want her help that's the point! but she doesn't see it that way and is demanding i return the items and out the funds back in her account. she thinks i am the ah here but i don't think i am i'm just trying to do something that will make me happy. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) am a disabled college student. for the record, i have what is known as mixed cerebral palsy(for brevity and privacy i won't be going further into this). i have been in a wheelchair because of it for almost all my life and have issues with some motor control in my hands. it makes doing what someone would consider a simple task a 100x harder but not impossible. my mom can be extremely overprotective though and always insists on doing everything for me no matter how much i tell her to stop. (i live at home) she and i had a huge fight over just going to college we finally came to an agreement that she would allow me to attend a local community college in my city part-time. my mother has been receiving a disability check for me since i was diagnosed as a small child, but now that i'm an adult i've told her i want my own account for the funds to go into so i can pay for things myself. she had a conniption fit but finally agreed to at least let me have a bank card to her account so i can access a small allowance amount each month. i honestly think she likes playing the role of the long-suffering mother. i've been saving this up for the last 3 months so i could buy fabric and other accessories to make a costume for comic con this year in july. i'm a huge nerd and have always wanted to go. in my mind, it will be a day that instead of ppl commenting on my disability they'll be looking at my creation. a day i can be like everyone else. but when i made my purchases online my mom flipped out. she read me the riot act on how wasteful it was and selfish bc she would end up having to help me or do it all herself. i tried to tell her i don't want her help that's the point! but she doesn't see it that way and is demanding i return the items and out the funds back in her account. she thinks i am the ah here but i don't think i am i'm just trying to do something that will make me happy. aita? [/INST] info are you in the us, and receiving ssi? there should have been a meeting before or around when you turned 18, about transferring control of your disability payments to you. i would suggest consulting with a lawyer who deals with ssi and whatnot, because unless you're more disabled than you let on in your post, your mother should no longer be the recipient of them, which leads me to believe she might have pulled something. </s>
|
AITA for telling my husband to get over himself when he started berating me for not picking up his brother's son from school?
|
my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own.
the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up.
i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night.
he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it.
| 19,525
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y2vljs/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_get_over_himself/
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2022-10-13 10:52:27
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yta
“i suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”.
that’s exactly what he did. his wife, who should be a partner in the relationship.
you’re displaying zero empathy to a family suffering through the effects of cancer. your husband may lose his brother, and your nephew his dad, but you’d rather score petty points because you weren’t consulted about helping family going through chemotherapy.
you’d better hope you never get cancer because i’m not sure you’ll have a support system.
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yta. cold, heartless, petty. also, weird that you’re married yet you chose to call this child your “*husbands nephew*” and never once do you say “*our nephew*” even though you are his aunt by marriage.
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wow this is the most cold hearted shit i ever read. strong yta here. that's your husband and your nephew, they are your family. you speak about your nephew like he's a dog and not a human child. the child who's dad has cancer needing collecting from school far outweighs your need for a lunch date with your mom, as does your husband's need to be at work. could you and your mom not have collected him together and taken him for a bite to eat afterwards? even if it's not something you wish to do on a regular basis, why won't you help your husband out on just one occasion? you're supposed to be a team, and this is one of the most selfish things i've ever read, fair play to your husband for putting up with this he's a better person than i.
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esh. your husband should never have sprung a whole entire child on you without consultation. and i understand not wanting to give an inch lest your husband take a mile.
*but.* you also picked an ah hill to die on. it would not have required a great feat of childcare to pick the damn kid up from school. his father is already gravely ill, he's been transferred out of his home, and one of the adults in his new home basically wants to pretend he doesn't exist. this kid is traumatized enough and you were willing to let him feel even more abandoned to prove a point to your husband. that's just foul.
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yta - you didn’t want the kid in the house so you decide to take it out on the kid? that’s cruel. why couldn’t you and your mom discuss family issues in the car to get the kid?? he’s 12, he can be picked up and just dropped off and you can continue on with your lunch. that poor child, you’re treating him like an inconvenience while he’s also trying to cope with his father having cancer, he’s properly going to internalize that for the rest of his life
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what the hell did i just read yta
not only is this child going through an incredibly difficult time, i'm sure your husband is too! his brother is going through chemo! should he have asked before taking the kid in? absolutely. but your insistence on refusing to help a child, who is your nephew as well, btw, is petty and selfish. grow up please. have some empathy.
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damn, this must be so hard for you. driving to a school? then picking up a kid? then you have to go home!?! all interrupting your lunch date with your mom! oh, the humanity!
his dad has fucking cancer. get a grip & stop being self-centered child. he's not a fucking dog, you can't just say "you brought him home he's not my problem." wtf?
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yta - and being you’re married, the boy is your nephew too and he’s going through an emotionally difficult time. you were being petty, and vindictive and unfortunately the 12 year old is your victim. i can only imagine how unwanted he feels in his aunt and uncle’s home.
|
esh.
your husband obviously should have spoken with you before making a big commitment that affects you both.
you’re punishing your nephew for your husband’s choices. poor kid is already facing the serious illness of his father, and is being separated from his family.
|
yta
you couldn't have helped out even this once? your nephew is already having a horrible time with his dad being so sick. he's 12 he knows exactly what is going on. and now he also feels like his aunt, his family who should be supporting him see him as a burden.
i get that your husband should have talked to you first and i agree he should have. but, that poor child has done nothing wrong and needs support right now.
you were being selfish and trying to prove a point at the expense of a child. what's wrong with you.
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.002566
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own. the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up. i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own. the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up. i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it. [/INST] yta “i suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”. that’s exactly what he did. his wife, who should be a partner in the relationship. you’re displaying zero empathy to a family suffering through the effects of cancer. your husband may lose his brother, and your nephew his dad, but you’d rather score petty points because you weren’t consulted about helping family going through chemotherapy. you’d better hope you never get cancer because i’m not sure you’ll have a support system. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that I love my niece and nephew as much as my son and not backing down?
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using a throw away
i come from a very close family. i have an older sister with 2 kids (7f, 10m), wife is an only child (don’t know if that’s important). my sister lives 30 minutes from me so i’ve seen her kids at least once a week since the day they were born. i am also their godfather. they’re a huge part of my life.
a few days ago wife shows me a picture of a woman on the street holding a sign asking for help for her child’s medical bills. i said something like “that must be a horrible feeling. i can’t imagine what i would do if son, niece and nephew were sick and i couldn’t do a thing” and i thought that was the end of that.
a few seconds later she goes “why would niece and nephew be your problem?” i said in kind of a “duh!” way “uh because they’re my family and i love them as much as my son”. that just set her off and she started telling me how my son should be more important than niece and nephew and that they have their own parents etc. after a few minutes of it i had enough and i told her “i love those kids and i would take a bullet for any of them so just leave it” stood up and locked myself in my home office.
my wife would make passive aggressive comments every now and then so i tried explaining my side again but she insists a father should love his children more, no ifs ands or buts. i disagree.
i don’t plan to bring it up again but if she does i will fight it until i turn blue in the face. aita here?
| 4,091
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgu4a8/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_love_my_niece_and/
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2019-10-12 11:48:43
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nah - i think your wife's reaction is coming from a place of fear, if your sister's kids needed cancer treatment, would you rob your child of his future and go into debt? by taking a bullet for your niblings, you would leave your own child fatherless? you aren't an asshole if your answers are yes, but you might have different priorities, and your wife might be realizing that she thought she had an equal partner in providing for your child's future and now she's scared you're going to split the college fund 3 ways and spend your retirement account taking care of your sister.
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nah, but i can see why your wife was alarmed by your statement. as a parent myself i can understand loving nieces and nephews but i can't relate to loving them as much as my own child.
i'd love to hear your wife's side of things and i wonder how she feels about how close you are with your sister and her children and whether perhaps she feels a little neglected in their favour?
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yta for locking yourself in the office for having a disagreement. having a tantrum isn't going to solve anything.
you're not the asshole for your opinion, but i agree with your wife. i have nieces and nephews and i love them dearly, but my own children definitely take priority.
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she obviously expects more care to her son than any one else's. in your eyes you like your nephews as much as your son. but in her eyes you only love your son as much as your nephews who are someone else's sons.
i would say you are slightly on the assholish side yta
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yta pretty fucked upway of thinking. what would you do if you had to choose over your own kid or your nice/ nephew ? close family bonds are all nice and such but line your wife said they do have their own parents. it seems more like your wife and her child are the odd ones out in your already tightly etablished family circle.
also running away from an argument just sucks ass dude
|
yta... and just to clear, i don’t think you’re really an asshole. i just think your wife is right in this instance.
you’re basically saying that if either your niece or nephew were to get sick and need some incredibly expensive life saving treatment, you wouldn’t hesitate to bankrupt the family in effort to help. that’s alarming to me if i’m her. cause even if she was able to veto such an action, it would almost certainly destroy the marriage and your family.
so you’re not only telling her that your sister’ s kids are an equal priority to your own but essentially saying that they’re way more important than she is. i’m sure that’s not a fun thing to hear.
|
yta
but just a little bit
your first priority should be your kid. you should love them more than your niece and nephew no matter how tight your family is. you're kid is your kid. are you gonna try and put your niece and nephew into college? prob not, but your son? prolly.
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yta your own child needs to be your first priority
|
yta
probably because im on the end of a father who loves his nieces and nephews just much as his kids.
he thinks helping his sisters and their kids because they’re poorer than us is alright. his sisters have their husbands and do not work almost at all. i and my sister ended up with a childhood of no toys, no eatings out or going anywhere so he could give the money to his sister families because they are less privileged than us. he told us we didn’t have the money so we accepted it as kids thinking we were poor and never complained. we had a childhood that is basically just staying in our rooms and later on our computers.
what if your nephews and nieces can’t go to college because they can’t afford it? would you split your saving that supposedly for your son so they could? your son would have to pay partly for his college education. thats loving them the same. to split everything evenly between your nieces, nephews, and your own son.
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yta, it’s hard to judge your wife without hearing her side of the story too because wording matters, but nothing hurts a child more than watching their father take care of another family before his own. your wife is totally correct in saying as a father it’s your responsibility to love your child the most. it’s totally fine to have infinite and unconditional love for your nieces and nephews but your child should be your priority and your wife deserves that reassurance.
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NAH
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NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.054
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throw away i come from a very close family. i have an older sister with 2 kids (7f, 10m), wife is an only child (don’t know if that’s important). my sister lives 30 minutes from me so i’ve seen her kids at least once a week since the day they were born. i am also their godfather. they’re a huge part of my life. a few days ago wife shows me a picture of a woman on the street holding a sign asking for help for her child’s medical bills. i said something like “that must be a horrible feeling. i can’t imagine what i would do if son, niece and nephew were sick and i couldn’t do a thing” and i thought that was the end of that. a few seconds later she goes “why would niece and nephew be your problem?” i said in kind of a “duh!” way “uh because they’re my family and i love them as much as my son”. that just set her off and she started telling me how my son should be more important than niece and nephew and that they have their own parents etc. after a few minutes of it i had enough and i told her “i love those kids and i would take a bullet for any of them so just leave it” stood up and locked myself in my home office. my wife would make passive aggressive comments every now and then so i tried explaining my side again but she insists a father should love his children more, no ifs ands or buts. i disagree. i don’t plan to bring it up again but if she does i will fight it until i turn blue in the face. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
using a throw away i come from a very close family. i have an older sister with 2 kids (7f, 10m), wife is an only child (don’t know if that’s important). my sister lives 30 minutes from me so i’ve seen her kids at least once a week since the day they were born. i am also their godfather. they’re a huge part of my life. a few days ago wife shows me a picture of a woman on the street holding a sign asking for help for her child’s medical bills. i said something like “that must be a horrible feeling. i can’t imagine what i would do if son, niece and nephew were sick and i couldn’t do a thing” and i thought that was the end of that. a few seconds later she goes “why would niece and nephew be your problem?” i said in kind of a “duh!” way “uh because they’re my family and i love them as much as my son”. that just set her off and she started telling me how my son should be more important than niece and nephew and that they have their own parents etc. after a few minutes of it i had enough and i told her “i love those kids and i would take a bullet for any of them so just leave it” stood up and locked myself in my home office. my wife would make passive aggressive comments every now and then so i tried explaining my side again but she insists a father should love his children more, no ifs ands or buts. i disagree. i don’t plan to bring it up again but if she does i will fight it until i turn blue in the face. aita here? [/INST] nah - i think your wife's reaction is coming from a place of fear, if your sister's kids needed cancer treatment, would you rob your child of his future and go into debt? by taking a bullet for your niblings, you would leave your own child fatherless? you aren't an asshole if your answers are yes, but you might have different priorities, and your wife might be realizing that she thought she had an equal partner in providing for your child's future and now she's scared you're going to split the college fund 3 ways and spend your retirement account taking care of your sister. </s>
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WIBTA if I gave my girlfriend an ultimatum to get medical attention?
|
so this has been a thought for the better part of 2 years. i've finally reached a point where i'm not really sure what to do. asking reddit for judgment on my possible decision.
my (25m) girlfriend (22f) have been dating for almost 5 years. we love each other very much, and are doing very well for ourselves personally and financially. in fact, we're currently in the process of buying a house. we don't fight often, and when we do, it's always a good learning experience and we better ourselves through it. except for this reoccurring fight.
about 3 years ago, she developed an intolerance for lactose. no biggie, we adjusted and we both changed our diets to work with her. but shortly after, things got much worse. like ibs, but on steroids. she is literally sick and pooping 5 days out of a normal week. she has seeked medical help, and spent a lot of money on labs and appointments without any answers. we were both extremely disappointed and frustrated and have been trying things to help her and her situation. she refuses to go to the doctor, despite my constant concern. i've even offered to pay the bill out of my own pocket. she denys and says that my money is just as important as hers (i make 3x more).
she has restricted herself to potato based meals, crackers, and water or light sodas. very little meat, very little veggies. it's still unclear as to what makes her sick, but it is almost every day she complains about her stomach, eventually ending in multiple trips to the bathroom.
i can't take her out, ever. she literally can't eat anything from restaurants, i've tried everything from vegan to vegetarian. we were at a family gathering today, and had to leave hours early because she got sick. this is commonplace. i'm missing out on time with family and friends because of her illness that she now refuses to treat. i'm not sure what to do anymore. this has been an ongoing fight of ours for 2 years, and i can't take it anymore. something needs to happen.
wibta if i told her that she needs to do something, or else?
***update/info:***
first of all. i have to say, some of you guys are relentless. no, i do not want to end things with her at all. not even a little bit. the vulgarity of some of your private messages is also classy.
"or else what?"
i should have worded that better. i would like to, in essence, put my foot down on the matter. somehow make her go, push hard in an uncomfortable way. show her my frustration, but also remind her that this fight is for both of us to endure.
she has already had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, and numerous labs on certain specific illnesses. i cannot remember them all as they took place soon after the symptoms originated, 2 years ago.
i've decided to take some of the comments from folks who are dealing with this simaler scenario, compile different ideas and information that can help her and i out in our battle, and present her with it later this morning. i appreciate all of the redditors that were willing to share their knowledge with this type of illness. i'd also like to thank you for putting me in my place and giving me the self check i needed to go at this with the right intentions. i'll update again after our conversation.
| 2,181
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dnl55u/wibta_if_i_gave_my_girlfriend_an_ultimatum_to_get/
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2019-10-26 22:52:55
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nah, because it sounds like she *has* been to the doctor and spent a lot of money and gotten no answers. i think something you need to realize is that there are conditions that just suck. ibs, chrons, things where you just... have diarrhea a lot, and are always uncomfortable, and can't eat a lot of things. and that might be her life right now. maybe not forever, maybe she needs an elimination diet, or allergy testing. but shit, dude, imagine how *she* fucking feels!
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> she has seeked medical help, and spent a lot of money on labs and appointments without any answers
> she refuses to go to the doctor
i'm confused. it sounds like she has been to the doctor without success? has she seen a gastroenterologist? that's what she really needs.
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it ended up being allergies for me. maybe extensive allergy testing is something you can convince her to do. it's a nah situation cause i can understand both of ya'lls frustration but she does need the testing.
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nah, but strategically poor. ultimatums turn loving relationships into leveraging competitions. be decisive and move forward, but understand there’s no going back if you leave.
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nta!!!!! i had very, very minor symptoms (a bit of diarrhoea when i did vigorous exercise) and the occasional bit of blood (like 6-12 months apart). turns out i had bowel cancer. i was very lucky that i got it so early, and it was only my husband’s nagging that made me bring it up to the doctor.
get her there. i never expected it to be so serious, and had i not listened to my husband, i’d be looking at a matter of a few years (or possibly not even that).
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i think you're being completely unsympathetic to her situation. you need to understand that the causes of most inflammatory bowel disorders are unknown. you've mentioned that she's seen 2 specialists and they have found nothing. do you know how shitty that feels to go to a doctor and then be told it's nothing? you not only feel like you've wasted money, but that perhaps things aren't as bad since nothing is being found. in saying that i do need more info. what kind of tests has she completed? also has she tried the fodmap diet?
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i have chronic illness and it took 6 years to diagnose. op, you might have to deal with the possibility of playing the long game. that being said, if you can’t be inconvenienced by someone’s illness, you need to get out because your girlfriend is about to need a lot of support and you don’t really sound like that person.
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nta - sounds like ibd or celiac. does she have insurance? why would anyone have to pay out of pocket? i would halt the process of buying a house immediately if you are having any doubts. also, if shes medically disabled, paying a mortgage may become difficult should her situation get worse. also, you dont need to change your diet because of her issues. this could mess things up for you.
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look up the low fodmap diet and consult a fodmap trained dietitian. literally life changing for people with ibs. it is a complicated medical diet but 70% of people who go on it feel a lot better, including me. but start with a fodmap trained dietitian and join the evidence based fodmap groups on facebook. best of luck
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nah. you care about your girlfriend. nothing wrong with looking out for her. it seriously sounds like she needs to get some help. and i wouldn't say she's an asshole, either. her worries are understandable, but... she needs to put her own health and wellbeing first. do what you think is best for her.
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.058672
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this has been a thought for the better part of 2 years. i've finally reached a point where i'm not really sure what to do. asking reddit for judgment on my possible decision. my (25m) girlfriend (22f) have been dating for almost 5 years. we love each other very much, and are doing very well for ourselves personally and financially. in fact, we're currently in the process of buying a house. we don't fight often, and when we do, it's always a good learning experience and we better ourselves through it. except for this reoccurring fight. about 3 years ago, she developed an intolerance for lactose. no biggie, we adjusted and we both changed our diets to work with her. but shortly after, things got much worse. like ibs, but on steroids. she is literally sick and pooping 5 days out of a normal week. she has seeked medical help, and spent a lot of money on labs and appointments without any answers. we were both extremely disappointed and frustrated and have been trying things to help her and her situation. she refuses to go to the doctor, despite my constant concern. i've even offered to pay the bill out of my own pocket. she denys and says that my money is just as important as hers (i make 3x more). she has restricted herself to potato based meals, crackers, and water or light sodas. very little meat, very little veggies. it's still unclear as to what makes her sick, but it is almost every day she complains about her stomach, eventually ending in multiple trips to the bathroom. i can't take her out, ever. she literally can't eat anything from restaurants, i've tried everything from vegan to vegetarian. we were at a family gathering today, and had to leave hours early because she got sick. this is commonplace. i'm missing out on time with family and friends because of her illness that she now refuses to treat. i'm not sure what to do anymore. this has been an ongoing fight of ours for 2 years, and i can't take it anymore. something needs to happen. wibta if i told her that she needs to do something, or else? ***update/info:*** first of all. i have to say, some of you guys are relentless. no, i do not want to end things with her at all. not even a little bit. the vulgarity of some of your private messages is also classy. "or else what?" i should have worded that better. i would like to, in essence, put my foot down on the matter. somehow make her go, push hard in an uncomfortable way. show her my frustration, but also remind her that this fight is for both of us to endure. she has already had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, and numerous labs on certain specific illnesses. i cannot remember them all as they took place soon after the symptoms originated, 2 years ago. i've decided to take some of the comments from folks who are dealing with this simaler scenario, compile different ideas and information that can help her and i out in our battle, and present her with it later this morning. i appreciate all of the redditors that were willing to share their knowledge with this type of illness. i'd also like to thank you for putting me in my place and giving me the self check i needed to go at this with the right intentions. i'll update again after our conversation.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this has been a thought for the better part of 2 years. i've finally reached a point where i'm not really sure what to do. asking reddit for judgment on my possible decision. my (25m) girlfriend (22f) have been dating for almost 5 years. we love each other very much, and are doing very well for ourselves personally and financially. in fact, we're currently in the process of buying a house. we don't fight often, and when we do, it's always a good learning experience and we better ourselves through it. except for this reoccurring fight. about 3 years ago, she developed an intolerance for lactose. no biggie, we adjusted and we both changed our diets to work with her. but shortly after, things got much worse. like ibs, but on steroids. she is literally sick and pooping 5 days out of a normal week. she has seeked medical help, and spent a lot of money on labs and appointments without any answers. we were both extremely disappointed and frustrated and have been trying things to help her and her situation. she refuses to go to the doctor, despite my constant concern. i've even offered to pay the bill out of my own pocket. she denys and says that my money is just as important as hers (i make 3x more). she has restricted herself to potato based meals, crackers, and water or light sodas. very little meat, very little veggies. it's still unclear as to what makes her sick, but it is almost every day she complains about her stomach, eventually ending in multiple trips to the bathroom. i can't take her out, ever. she literally can't eat anything from restaurants, i've tried everything from vegan to vegetarian. we were at a family gathering today, and had to leave hours early because she got sick. this is commonplace. i'm missing out on time with family and friends because of her illness that she now refuses to treat. i'm not sure what to do anymore. this has been an ongoing fight of ours for 2 years, and i can't take it anymore. something needs to happen. wibta if i told her that she needs to do something, or else? ***update/info:*** first of all. i have to say, some of you guys are relentless. no, i do not want to end things with her at all. not even a little bit. the vulgarity of some of your private messages is also classy. "or else what?" i should have worded that better. i would like to, in essence, put my foot down on the matter. somehow make her go, push hard in an uncomfortable way. show her my frustration, but also remind her that this fight is for both of us to endure. she has already had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, and numerous labs on certain specific illnesses. i cannot remember them all as they took place soon after the symptoms originated, 2 years ago. i've decided to take some of the comments from folks who are dealing with this simaler scenario, compile different ideas and information that can help her and i out in our battle, and present her with it later this morning. i appreciate all of the redditors that were willing to share their knowledge with this type of illness. i'd also like to thank you for putting me in my place and giving me the self check i needed to go at this with the right intentions. i'll update again after our conversation. [/INST] nah, because it sounds like she *has* been to the doctor and spent a lot of money and gotten no answers. i think something you need to realize is that there are conditions that just suck. ibs, chrons, things where you just... have diarrhea a lot, and are always uncomfortable, and can't eat a lot of things. and that might be her life right now. maybe not forever, maybe she needs an elimination diet, or allergy testing. but shit, dude, imagine how *she* fucking feels! </s>
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AITA for setting the record straight on my sister’s virginity?
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my sister “lauren” is engaged to “jake” (both 24 m/f). in the past few years, my sister has gotten really involved with the local evangelical church. we aren’t really a religious family (i’ve visited her church, and the cheesy attempts to make it “hip” are too cringy for me), but i’m happy for her. she and jake are a pretty well-known couple at church, and they’ve been very public about their plans to save sex for marriage and lose their virginities to each other.
here’s the problem: my sister is not a virgin. i know because she was actually pregnant with her previous boyfriend, but she ended up losing it unfortunately. if you dig deep into her facebook, you will even find pictures on her wall that reference the pregnancy.
she posted to facebook that she and jake will be leading a sexual purity-themed retreat for the church youth group. in the announcement, she again talked about her virginity. i commented that if she wanted to claim she was a virgin, she should delete evidence to the contrary from her facebook. she deleted my comment, but i think some people still saw.
aita? i feel she was being deceptive.
| 2,655
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqhn1t/aita_for_setting_the_record_straight_on_my/
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2020-01-18 15:24:27
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esh. i hate evangelical churches and this whole “purity” bullshit and i don’t think your sister should lie about her previous sexual experience but you should have done that privately, not on fb.
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yta, born again virginity is a big thing for people who come back to religion. virginity is a concept, anyways. you should consider why you felt you had to be the one to air her dirty laundry. sounds spiteful to me.
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yta
turning to fb to deliver a public smack down makes you absolutely the ah. what's the whole point of this drama except to hurt your sister and let the fb masses have at her? if you are angry at her, take care of that yourself.
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yta
your sister's virginity (or lack thereof) is none of your business - plus it's really fucking creepy for you to be that invested on the truth of your sister being a virgin or not.
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esh
she shouldn't be lying to her fiancé about it. lying to her church? still not right, but who cares, there's usually a "born-again" aspect to this.
you shouldn't be spouting that off to people when it's none of your business. if you have a problem with it, you talk to your sister, not post it on her facebook like that.
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yta.
i get it. lying and all. bugs me. and i agree, she is disingenuous.
but why? there is nothing to gain by calling her out publicly. and maybe her interpretation of virgin is not having sex with her fiancé until after marriage. you don't know if she and her fiancé have talked about her previous pregnancy. maybe when she joined the church she did some special purity rain dance.
you could have spoken to her directly and reminded her about those fb posts. that would have been nicer.
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yta. your sister sounds like a born again christian and they occasionally reclaim their virginities for their new life. either way your comment was clearly mean spirited
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woah
big time yta
there are "born again virgins" who decide to stop having sex and save it for marriage.
her virginity is none of your business. if she decides she wants to tell jake that she had sex before dating him then that's her prerogative, but you butt out.
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yta why call her out in public?
why would you not just tell her?
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some churches have ceremonies or vows where you can "reclaim" your virginity. perhaps shes done that.
yta.
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.002
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister “lauren” is engaged to “jake” (both 24 m/f). in the past few years, my sister has gotten really involved with the local evangelical church. we aren’t really a religious family (i’ve visited her church, and the cheesy attempts to make it “hip” are too cringy for me), but i’m happy for her. she and jake are a pretty well-known couple at church, and they’ve been very public about their plans to save sex for marriage and lose their virginities to each other. here’s the problem: my sister is not a virgin. i know because she was actually pregnant with her previous boyfriend, but she ended up losing it unfortunately. if you dig deep into her facebook, you will even find pictures on her wall that reference the pregnancy. she posted to facebook that she and jake will be leading a sexual purity-themed retreat for the church youth group. in the announcement, she again talked about her virginity. i commented that if she wanted to claim she was a virgin, she should delete evidence to the contrary from her facebook. she deleted my comment, but i think some people still saw. aita? i feel she was being deceptive.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister “lauren” is engaged to “jake” (both 24 m/f). in the past few years, my sister has gotten really involved with the local evangelical church. we aren’t really a religious family (i’ve visited her church, and the cheesy attempts to make it “hip” are too cringy for me), but i’m happy for her. she and jake are a pretty well-known couple at church, and they’ve been very public about their plans to save sex for marriage and lose their virginities to each other. here’s the problem: my sister is not a virgin. i know because she was actually pregnant with her previous boyfriend, but she ended up losing it unfortunately. if you dig deep into her facebook, you will even find pictures on her wall that reference the pregnancy. she posted to facebook that she and jake will be leading a sexual purity-themed retreat for the church youth group. in the announcement, she again talked about her virginity. i commented that if she wanted to claim she was a virgin, she should delete evidence to the contrary from her facebook. she deleted my comment, but i think some people still saw. aita? i feel she was being deceptive. [/INST] esh. i hate evangelical churches and this whole “purity” bullshit and i don’t think your sister should lie about her previous sexual experience but you should have done that privately, not on fb. </s>
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AITA for kicking my SiL out after she threw away most of my single use baby products and even formula?
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i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old.
basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea.
on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing.
when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us.
i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items.
my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?
| 38,925
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxrztn/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_after_she_threw_away/
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2021-08-04 12:50:15
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nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled.
formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it.
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so she saved the environment by (checks notes) throwing away all of your supplies. makes sense. nta and your sil has a screw loose.
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nta sounds like theft to me. file a police report. she will replace.
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nta- that is easily over $300 worth of stuff! also, women like her need to stop shaming other mothers. breastfeeding is not the best option for everyone.
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nta. she can’t afford to replace the items, but fully expected you to do it? i would like to know the mental gymnastics she went through for that to make sense. i’m not sure she should be allowed back even after reimbursement.
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nta - if your bro doesn't understand ask him;
**"how would you have felt, while you live on a budget -- if i had been at your place and thrown out your stuff because i don't 'agree' with it? bottom line is different parenting styles aren't wrong - just that - different. if we both don't learn to respect each other's choices, this will be the first of many problems. is that how you want these cousins to grow up, with their parents fighting?**
if he becomes reasonable, or they truly apologize, then maybe lift the 'don't come back' and let them replace as able (with a deadline or it all comes back up)
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nta
yeah, i’d be mega pissed. that stuff is expensive. so instead of letting you use it.. she threw away good products? does she not see the irony?
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nta. babies are expensive. she trashed a lot of stuff that you can't get back that your baby needs.
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nta
they stole your items. and it was stupid as well of them as they just wasted all this stuff throwing it all into landfill instead of using it.
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nta. they have no right to throw away your possessions. it's honestly like they robbed you and i feel you could contact the police about this. baby items are extremely expensive and especially for a single mother.
yes they're parents but they're not your child's parents and have no say in the products you use. if they thought something could be legitimately harmful that's different but obviously not the case here.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita? [/INST] nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled. formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my girlfriend the truth about how her dog died and possibly ruin her relationship with her parents?
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my girlfriend kate still normaly lives with her parents and they have a dog, which she loves dearly. a month ago she went abroad for 3 months for summer work. she didn't trust her parents to take care of the dog because he is old and needs to be looked after very carefuly, so she asked me if i could do that - mostly it was to come over and give him pills and food every morning and evening. i agreed, so i was doing this for this last month and everything was fine, i was very positive that he will still be with us to welcome girlfriend home.
but here comes the sad part, 3 days ago her mom hit him with the car while parking, didnt really see it but thats what they said. next day he died. of course i was furious and emotional because i loved this dog as well. it felt like i let my girlfriend down because i promised i would make sure he lives till she gets back. as i said she didnt trust her parents to take care of the dog in the first place, im pretty sure this would be the end of the relationship they have in family. i'm very keen on telling her the truth, i think she deserves to know what happened and i dont want her to lose her trust in me.
would i be the asshole if after the summer i told my girlfriend that her dog was hit by her mom driving a car into him and later died because of it, rather than saving her relationship with parents and saying he died of natural causes as he was so old?
i'm pretty sure i'm gonna tell her the truth, but i wanna see the other side of this, that im maybe missing.
| 722
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6mcll/wibta_if_i_told_my_girlfriend_the_truth_about_how/
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2020-08-09 16:37:48
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info if you’d have told her immidiately or the second she found out the dog was dead you’d be fine, but uh. now you’re just in hot water rly. not sure there’s a way out of this one where her feelings don’t get hurt
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nta for telling her the truth. if you know for a fact that her parents plan to lie, or if they ask you to, make sure they know that you have no intention of doing so. if they've asked, it's hugely inappropriate of them.
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nta for telling the truth. i would want to know if it was my dog. imagine hiding this and being together 5 years down the road and the truth comes out, going to be a much bigger issue then with trust.
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nta.
it's more important she know the truth than have a dead dog and a boyfriend who lies to her.
as sucky as it will be.
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nta if you told her immediately, accidents happen. it sucks but it’s understandable. if you don’t tell her immediately, then you are hiding it and you all look guilty.
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info. are you skeptical it was an accident and feel concerned it was maybe an intentional narcissistic move on the parents?
100% in knowing it was an accident and not old age.
but if it was 100% an accident, leaving it at being known as am accident and not who, might have some merit.
(at camp, a counselor gave my boat a fancy camera and told us to be careful, but one of us dropped it in the water - not me. when we returned it and explained what happened, a different girl interrupted and specified we wouldnt say who did it, to avoid the counselor feeling anger at a specific camper the rest of the week. and i always thought that was strong of her.)
since your gf was level headed enough to establish the "wait til i'm home for bad news" rule she might be able to be a part of the talk of "something bad happened, but it was a complete accident. we are considering keeping the names out of the story so you dont have to deal with trying to blame anyone specific, do you think youd prefer that over knowing all the details?"
if you think her mom was specifically careless and rude about it, probably best for her to know just how low her mom can be.
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nta. she deserves to know what happened to her pet. it's not your responsibility to manage her relationship with her parents. you shouldn't lie to her, period.
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info: how was the dog in a position to be hit by a car? why wasn’t he in the house? how did this happen outside of your view? why was the mom there? your story is full of holes, and i’m thinking you might be the asshole for something other than being the bearer of bad news.
| null | null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | 0.06808
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend kate still normaly lives with her parents and they have a dog, which she loves dearly. a month ago she went abroad for 3 months for summer work. she didn't trust her parents to take care of the dog because he is old and needs to be looked after very carefuly, so she asked me if i could do that - mostly it was to come over and give him pills and food every morning and evening. i agreed, so i was doing this for this last month and everything was fine, i was very positive that he will still be with us to welcome girlfriend home. but here comes the sad part, 3 days ago her mom hit him with the car while parking, didnt really see it but thats what they said. next day he died. of course i was furious and emotional because i loved this dog as well. it felt like i let my girlfriend down because i promised i would make sure he lives till she gets back. as i said she didnt trust her parents to take care of the dog in the first place, im pretty sure this would be the end of the relationship they have in family. i'm very keen on telling her the truth, i think she deserves to know what happened and i dont want her to lose her trust in me. would i be the asshole if after the summer i told my girlfriend that her dog was hit by her mom driving a car into him and later died because of it, rather than saving her relationship with parents and saying he died of natural causes as he was so old? i'm pretty sure i'm gonna tell her the truth, but i wanna see the other side of this, that im maybe missing.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend kate still normaly lives with her parents and they have a dog, which she loves dearly. a month ago she went abroad for 3 months for summer work. she didn't trust her parents to take care of the dog because he is old and needs to be looked after very carefuly, so she asked me if i could do that - mostly it was to come over and give him pills and food every morning and evening. i agreed, so i was doing this for this last month and everything was fine, i was very positive that he will still be with us to welcome girlfriend home. but here comes the sad part, 3 days ago her mom hit him with the car while parking, didnt really see it but thats what they said. next day he died. of course i was furious and emotional because i loved this dog as well. it felt like i let my girlfriend down because i promised i would make sure he lives till she gets back. as i said she didnt trust her parents to take care of the dog in the first place, im pretty sure this would be the end of the relationship they have in family. i'm very keen on telling her the truth, i think she deserves to know what happened and i dont want her to lose her trust in me. would i be the asshole if after the summer i told my girlfriend that her dog was hit by her mom driving a car into him and later died because of it, rather than saving her relationship with parents and saying he died of natural causes as he was so old? i'm pretty sure i'm gonna tell her the truth, but i wanna see the other side of this, that im maybe missing. [/INST] info if you’d have told her immidiately or the second she found out the dog was dead you’d be fine, but uh. now you’re just in hot water rly. not sure there’s a way out of this one where her feelings don’t get hurt </s>
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AITA for having my kids wear tie dye when with their dad?
|
i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park.
he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land.
my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7).
since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it.
my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there.
i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good.
i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts.
to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts.
we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it.
the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye.
they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it.
he called me an a for being petty.
aita?
edited to add.
thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify.
1) ap stands for affair partner
2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer.
3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support
| 29,768
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wp874j/aita_for_having_my_kids_wear_tie_dye_when_with/
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2022-08-15 19:16:51
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nta
keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back
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nta - you need to take this man to court. he is stealing from his children and doesn't care that it is causing them clear and understandable distress.
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nta
my son's dad and his ap tried this when he was young. wasn't selling them, was just keeping any "new" clothing and returning him in old/dirty/outgrown stuff his ap's kid used to wear and giving son's stuff to ap's kid. told him that wouldn't fly. what left this house comes back to this house with our son. his ap retaliated by dumping grape soda into my son's overnight bag. so i took him to court. judge ordered he had to keep clothing & toys at his house and what our son arrived with was what he returned with. and it had to be clean, unless the visit was less than a day trip. anything missing/damaged, he had to reimburse me for.
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nta. get a bedazzler. they’re not expensive and they’re a blast for girls this age.
also fabric markers. puffy paint. you might have a whole set of new hobbies by the time your girls are teens.
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nta and your answer was exactly right: he should be obligated to buy them clothes. he’s their dad for goodness sakes…what kind of father sells his own children’s clothes off their backs? if you can, please take him to court…and give your kids the option of not visiting him as soon as you’re legally able.
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nta. my ex had a daughter from a hook up before we dated and his mom was all in on having a granddaughter. at least once every weekend, they went out for a shopping trip. new dresses, new outfits, new shoes, new accessories. not just frilly stuff, but useful stuff, though maybe more pricey than a normal wardrobe for kids. my ex sent the new stuff with his daughter when she went back to her mom's because unless she spent all day changing, she'd never wear all the clothes at his house.
the little girl once tearfully confided in me that her mom took a scissor to one batch of clothes because reasons? no explanation, not sure if she objected to the clothes in the bag specifically, was punishing the kid by destroying the clothes, or being spiteful toward my ex/his mom. so my ex made a special effort to send her back in what she arrived in. all hell broke loose after 3 months of no new clothes, despite her mom sending her in increasingly ill fitting and stained clothes. nothing was legally actionable on either side so my ex resorted to buying all manner of new clothes that referenced him - daddy's best girl, daddy's little princess, etc and those are what he sent home.
your ex is a complete troll and i would continue to tie dye and maybe mix in some extra personalization. get a cricut and add more embellishments to their clothes. maybe their names, references to you "i have the world's best mom" or whatever would really trigger him.
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nta and lawyer up!
electronic receipts are your friend in this situation.
your ex has no business (quite literally) selling the clothes off his children's backs!!!
at a guess, most judges would take a dim view of your husband's "sales activities".
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nta. as soon as you said he wanted the new truck and cash i knew this would be a wild ride. congrats on your business. you sound very savvy so i’ll sure you’ll do great, especially without your ex holding you back. i equally hope that ap is enjoying the prize she won.
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nta
and i love this creative solution that centers the feelings of your daughters.
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time to ramp up the petty. pink tie dye could be kind of popular / marketable. time to get some really obnoxious colors that no one would want to buy. still let the girls pick it out, and have fun with making the ugliest tie dyes ever - maybe make an award for the ugliest ones.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support [/INST] nta keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back </s>
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AITA? My boss asked me to give advice to new hires on how to excel at work, I said our job is 30% work and 70% luck.
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at a unit meeting the other day, my boss introduced two new hires, recent graduates who are training to become account managers. my boss told them that i am one of the top account managers in our unit and asked me what advice i can give the new hires on how to succeed at this job.
i said that our job is 30% work and 70% luck, sometimes you get big deals with minimal effort and sometimes you give it everything you have but the deal still doesn’t push through. but what’s important is to have good relationships with your co-workers because work is much easier when you have a positive work environment.
after the meeting my boss talked to me and he was not happy about the advice i gave. he said that he wanted the new hires to see me as a role model but instead i embarrassed him by encouraging them to be complacent since i said that 70% of the job is luck. he said that i know the advice i should give them is to set goals and work hard to achieve them as their careers are just beginning but i went with trying to sound cool instead of giving them the best advice.
i specifically avoided telling the new hires that they should work hard because i don’t work hard myself and everyone else in the room knows that. i’m not humble bragging. i was always an average employee, i just got lucky these past three years because even without asking my clients brought me their friends who also ended up doing business with me so the deals basically just fell into my lap. but even now i have a lot of lazy days where i procrastinate or i go on sudden leaves just because i don’t feel like working.
i didn’t want to be that person who doesn’t practice what she preaches, but should i have told them what they needed to hear instead of what i really wanted to say?
| 12,228
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dw9ciw/aita_my_boss_asked_me_to_give_advice_to_new_hires/
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2019-11-14 13:11:27
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nah, but i do think you kinda fucked up with your advice. you see it as luck that you got those extra customers, but that's not what it was at all.
you made the buying experience of your original customers a pleasant one, and it was so enjoyable for them that they brought their friends to you because they trusted you to give them a similarly pleasant experience -- which you then did.
better advice would've been to treat every potential customer politely and with kindness, because you never know how many of those interactions can ripple out into the world and bring additional business your way.
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yta.
this is great guidance to give to these new people after-hours, at a happy hour with just you and maybe other folks in your role. basically, in an unofficial and informal capacity. you're speaking at a peer and potential mentor in this case, which is where this type of honesty is appropriate.
this is horrible guidance to give people while speaking at the workplace, in an official capacity (and your boss asking this is putting you in an official capacity/role, representing the firm at this time).
so, your advice is likely correct and meaningful/useful to your new hires. but the manner that you engaged with them was inappropriate.
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yta. what you said was naive and tone deaf. first of all, working hard consistently means more opportunity to get "lucky". so it is about working hard. second and more importantly you missed the obvious implied ask that what you said be something the boss would approve of. you were clueless in that regard and have probably damaged your standing with your boss.
if your reply is "just being honest" you are indeed naive. there are myriad situations in adult life where blunt honesty is inappropriate. like it or not life requires diplomacy not just saying whatever you think.
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yta
it's sad, you actually had some good advice in there. maintain good relationships. but what follows from that isn't "luck" it's the product of maintaining good relationships.
it's kind of ironic given that your job is so relationship driven how badly you boned your relationship with your boss.
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yta
man, read the room. your "luck" is about to run out. they're going to put you under a microscope now.
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nta but i can see why your boss didn't take kindly to the advice.
>but what’s important is to have good relationships with your co-workers because work is much easier when you have a positive work environment
this was solid advice, some that many need. the luck portion of it though could have been discussed with the new hires privately.
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yta. that’s not really good advice. plus it’s not “luck” that you got these clients. it’s the relationships you made with the original ones. you should’ve focused on that.
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nah, but do you have absolutely no self awareness in what is and isn't ok to say within earshot of your boss? i get what you're saying, but you should play the game at least a little.
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i mean...you're not the asshole per se....so i'll go with nah.
however, you did shoot yourself in the foot. like someone already mentioned, this is the kind of advice you give at after work drinks, not when your manager asked to mentor less experienced employees.
you should have gone with advice composed of what will make them succeed. you say you're an average worker, but you still do stuff to be successful at your job. those 30% work is what you should have given them advice on. as it is, your advice was pretty useless to them ("it's just luck! ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯", seriously what are inexperienced employees supposed to do with this?), and made you look bad to your boss.
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yta
i think you're under-selling the nature of your own work. sure, maybe the deals are easy sometimes and the clients are banging down your door - but that's not luck, because it could be someone else's door they're knocking on. you've positioned yourself well and to brush it off as "luck" without being able to provide useful guidance is (a) selling yourself short and (b) not giving the newbies useful advice.
your boss is not ta for asking you, a more senior employee, to provide advice to the newcomers. you on the other hand have given some bad advice.
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NAH
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.427172
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: at a unit meeting the other day, my boss introduced two new hires, recent graduates who are training to become account managers. my boss told them that i am one of the top account managers in our unit and asked me what advice i can give the new hires on how to succeed at this job. i said that our job is 30% work and 70% luck, sometimes you get big deals with minimal effort and sometimes you give it everything you have but the deal still doesn’t push through. but what’s important is to have good relationships with your co-workers because work is much easier when you have a positive work environment. after the meeting my boss talked to me and he was not happy about the advice i gave. he said that he wanted the new hires to see me as a role model but instead i embarrassed him by encouraging them to be complacent since i said that 70% of the job is luck. he said that i know the advice i should give them is to set goals and work hard to achieve them as their careers are just beginning but i went with trying to sound cool instead of giving them the best advice. i specifically avoided telling the new hires that they should work hard because i don’t work hard myself and everyone else in the room knows that. i’m not humble bragging. i was always an average employee, i just got lucky these past three years because even without asking my clients brought me their friends who also ended up doing business with me so the deals basically just fell into my lap. but even now i have a lot of lazy days where i procrastinate or i go on sudden leaves just because i don’t feel like working. i didn’t want to be that person who doesn’t practice what she preaches, but should i have told them what they needed to hear instead of what i really wanted to say?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
at a unit meeting the other day, my boss introduced two new hires, recent graduates who are training to become account managers. my boss told them that i am one of the top account managers in our unit and asked me what advice i can give the new hires on how to succeed at this job. i said that our job is 30% work and 70% luck, sometimes you get big deals with minimal effort and sometimes you give it everything you have but the deal still doesn’t push through. but what’s important is to have good relationships with your co-workers because work is much easier when you have a positive work environment. after the meeting my boss talked to me and he was not happy about the advice i gave. he said that he wanted the new hires to see me as a role model but instead i embarrassed him by encouraging them to be complacent since i said that 70% of the job is luck. he said that i know the advice i should give them is to set goals and work hard to achieve them as their careers are just beginning but i went with trying to sound cool instead of giving them the best advice. i specifically avoided telling the new hires that they should work hard because i don’t work hard myself and everyone else in the room knows that. i’m not humble bragging. i was always an average employee, i just got lucky these past three years because even without asking my clients brought me their friends who also ended up doing business with me so the deals basically just fell into my lap. but even now i have a lot of lazy days where i procrastinate or i go on sudden leaves just because i don’t feel like working. i didn’t want to be that person who doesn’t practice what she preaches, but should i have told them what they needed to hear instead of what i really wanted to say? [/INST] nah, but i do think you kinda fucked up with your advice. you see it as luck that you got those extra customers, but that's not what it was at all. you made the buying experience of your original customers a pleasant one, and it was so enjoyable for them that they brought their friends to you because they trusted you to give them a similarly pleasant experience -- which you then did. better advice would've been to treat every potential customer politely and with kindness, because you never know how many of those interactions can ripple out into the world and bring additional business your way. </s>
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AITA for telling my GF, "It's not my fault your Mom's crazy!"
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throwaway. me (30m) and my gf "lexi" (28f) have been together for 3 years. for some background: lexi's mom (57f) has schizophrenia, and lexi has always been a bit of a caretaker for her. lexi has told me that her mom can be a bit of a handfull at times, and that she feels like it's her duty to always take care of her.
i've told lexi that while it's honorable to care so much for her mom, i don't think it's fair that she has to sacrifice her goals. lexi told me that even though it's tough on her, she can't just abandon her mom. even though i don't know what it's like to have a parent with these issues, i still think that lexi is selling herself short.
because lexi is always on call for her mom, it's not uncommon for her to cancel plans last minute. this has been a huge problem in our relationship from the beginning. i don't think it's fair to me or our relationship, i always feel like i'm at the bottom of her priority list. this issue went from minor to explosive a few days ago, and now i'm wondering how much i screwed up.
my dad's funeral was a few days ago, i was extremely close to my dad, so attending his funeral was very important. it was also equally important to me to have lexi there for emotional support. my whole family was expecting lexi to be there with me to offer her condolences. i made it very clear to lexi that this funeral meant the world to me, and that i need her there with me.
well, about 2 hours before we were supposed to leave, lexi went to go check on her mom. after she was gone for about 45 minutes, i decided to call her to ask her when she's coming back. lexi told me that her mom is having some type of episode/panic attack and that i'll have to go to the funeral without her. i don't know what happened, but i just snapped, it was like the past 3 years just came boiling over.
i screamed at her that she always does this to me, she constantly puts me on the back burner. lexi told me not to yell, that it's not her fault, and she needs to help her mom. i yelled back, "well, it's not my fault your mom's fucking crazy!" she hung up and we haven't spoken to each other for the past 2 days, now i'm wondering if i went too far. aita?
| 1,515
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6u8vu/aita_for_telling_my_gf_its_not_my_fault_your_moms/
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2021-08-18 16:06:48
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esh
calling her mother "crazy" is a hurtful dismissal of a highly complicated mental illness that really doesn't need further stigma around it. however, you expressed multiple times that the funeral was important to you, and lexi chose to leave you alone anyway. is there really nobody else in the world who could have sat with her for a few hours whilst you two were at the funeral? your priorities and hers are simply not aligned right now, and i think you need to have serious talk to consider what kind of future you're expecting together. you need to get on the same page, otherwise this issue will keep coming up and keep causing arguments until it eventually breaks you up
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nta.
you guys need to break up. she will always put her mom first, she showed you that.
she isn't an asshole for putting her mom first, but obviously an ah for abandoning you during your father's funeral.
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nah you are feeling neglected in your own relationship and it doesn't look like it's getting better, so i understand why you snapped when you did. it can be extremely taxing watching and supporting a person you care for be at the beck and call of a person who is not stable/healthy.
but your gf isnt an ah for feeling that she need to help her mother, it's her mother. your gf never created healthy boundaries with her mother, which i can imagine wouldve been extremely difficult to do growing up with such an unstable parent.
unfortunately, if your gf doesn't want to help herself out and create some boundaries, things will not get better.
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this is every kind of complicated. i think the problem and why the thread is so split is you are asking a judgement on a snapshot of a 3 year problem.
-as a whole issue, you asking if it’s okay for your gf to continually prioritize her mom over you, i think no it’s not. this doesn’t seem sustainable.
- most y t a are just assuming that there is no one else who can support the mom- is this true?
- people saying that it’s just a temporary relationship (3 years is pretty long to me) and she should prioritize her mom over your dad’s funeral, i disagree because your dad’s funeral is a huge deal and “you have other family there to support you” is bs. you wanted her, and your partner can provide support different than other people. it’s fair to want her there.
- you should not have kept this bottled in- why hadn’t you expressed how pushed aside you felt for years? also, calling someone crazy is always an ah move.
honestly: you guys are due for a big talk. as it is, however sick her mother is this is a lot to ask of someone. always dropping plans for an emergency is challenging for future goals (wedding? trip around the world? award ceremony? children?). we don’t know if her mom is receiving adequate treatment or not, is manipulating her daughter or not, but in light of that information it still seems like your girlfriend is not fully able to live her own life. maybe that is completely justified (like her mom is in tons of therapy, properly medicated, regularly seeing a dr) but either way unless she is able to increase her mom’s independence, i don’t see a future.
nah. i think you both have different priorities and hers is not you.
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nta. your girlfriend had made it clear that you will never be a priority. i had a friend who was diagnosed as bipolar. eventually, my friend group figured out that her “manic episodes” always conveniently happened any time that people made plans that didn’t include her.
i went to a party of high school friends without her because she didn’t go to my high school. she called me threatening to kill herself saying she was having hallucinations, so i left to care for her. this sort of thing happened repeatedly and she only ever had “manic episodes” when she was feeling left out. that’s not how real bi-polar depression works.
mental illness is real, but there are absolutely people who will use their mental illness as an means to manipulate others. i can’t help but wonder if that’s what’s happening here. you gf and her mother obviously are very co-dependent. maybe her mother doesn’t like you getting too much of the daughter’s attention so she uses her mental illness to ensure her daughter is always at her beck and call.
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i understand everyone has their breaking point. everyone also has their things(?) they won’t change. obviously hers is how she handles her mom. if you guys aren’t willing to compromise then this might just be the end of the relationship.
i don’t think she a ah for taking care of her mom and i don’t think you’re the ah for feeling put last. although you blowing up ehh. her mom needs more help than i think she could give (but idk since i don’t know how bad it is). i’m going to say nah
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i'm not going to lie. this post is a hard one for me seeing as i had a family member with severe schizophrenia who had to be institutionalized and it was difficult. my father was the only one who would visit him, probably due to the fact that it was hard seeing his brother in that condition. so, yeah, it's triggering seeing someone refer to someone who has a mental illness such as schizophrenia, one that can be very devastating, as "crazy." i absolutely empathize with you that you lost a parent and that is devastating. i can't begin to imagine your pain and i know after three years of feeling like you're not your girlfriend's top priority, you were at the end of your rope and you're grieving; however, there is still so much stigma regarding mental illness and mental health in general.
as far as your girlfriend, i don't know the severity of her mother's schizophrenia. it's understandable why she might feel like she has to do this. it's a very sad situation for the both of you, frankly. she might not feel like she can put her mother in a hospital. schizophrenia can be managed, this is true, but we don't know if her mom is regularly taking her medication, etc. the point is you both deserve a life that makes you happy and you want a partner that you can rely on who makes you a top priority; she wants someone who can understand that her mom comes first. which may not be feasible. she should be able to put herself and her partner first, but right now, she can't.
people are jumping on your girlfriend. i feel sorry for her actually. sometimes there is an immeasurable amount of guilt surrounding putting family members in places like that or not checking up on them. there might be things she's not sharing with you tbh.
so my judgment is nah.
i do wish wish you both the best.
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nah. this was a very bad moment in your life and you snapped, not only because of the moment, but the 3 years of stress that lead up to the outburst.
you should have a conversation with your gf about what the rest of your lives are going to look like. her being on call for her mother is going to eliminate your chances of having an ordinary relationship. the situation is not fair to you, and it's not fair to your gf, but sometimes you have to put yourself first. there are questions that need to be asked, and the main one in my mind is - if her mother's condition deteriorates, will you be expected to be okay with her moving in?
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i'm going for nah but it's verging on a very soft e s h. and i am very sorry for your recent loss of your dad.
you should never have spoken to your girlfriend like that, and i'm pretty sure you very well know it so i'm not going to go into it more. she should have been there for her long term boyfriend on such a difficult day.
she is caught in between a rock and a hard place. unfortunately, she has made it very clear that caring for her mum is, and seems like it always will be, her number one priority.
it's now up to you to decide if you are ok with that in the long term. and you wouldn't be an ah if you decided you wanted a partner who could, at times, put you first.
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i'm so sorry for your loss. to not have the support of your partner must be even more painful right now.
nta at all. you asked for her support during a time where you are hurting and grieving deeply.
she has proven where her priorities lie. the fact that she *chose* not to support you deluding the funeral speaks volumes about her character. i'm not saying it's bad that she takes care of her mom, but she is making choices that are going to leave her very lonely in the future.
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ESH
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.22482
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. me (30m) and my gf "lexi" (28f) have been together for 3 years. for some background: lexi's mom (57f) has schizophrenia, and lexi has always been a bit of a caretaker for her. lexi has told me that her mom can be a bit of a handfull at times, and that she feels like it's her duty to always take care of her. i've told lexi that while it's honorable to care so much for her mom, i don't think it's fair that she has to sacrifice her goals. lexi told me that even though it's tough on her, she can't just abandon her mom. even though i don't know what it's like to have a parent with these issues, i still think that lexi is selling herself short. because lexi is always on call for her mom, it's not uncommon for her to cancel plans last minute. this has been a huge problem in our relationship from the beginning. i don't think it's fair to me or our relationship, i always feel like i'm at the bottom of her priority list. this issue went from minor to explosive a few days ago, and now i'm wondering how much i screwed up. my dad's funeral was a few days ago, i was extremely close to my dad, so attending his funeral was very important. it was also equally important to me to have lexi there for emotional support. my whole family was expecting lexi to be there with me to offer her condolences. i made it very clear to lexi that this funeral meant the world to me, and that i need her there with me. well, about 2 hours before we were supposed to leave, lexi went to go check on her mom. after she was gone for about 45 minutes, i decided to call her to ask her when she's coming back. lexi told me that her mom is having some type of episode/panic attack and that i'll have to go to the funeral without her. i don't know what happened, but i just snapped, it was like the past 3 years just came boiling over. i screamed at her that she always does this to me, she constantly puts me on the back burner. lexi told me not to yell, that it's not her fault, and she needs to help her mom. i yelled back, "well, it's not my fault your mom's fucking crazy!" she hung up and we haven't spoken to each other for the past 2 days, now i'm wondering if i went too far. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. me (30m) and my gf "lexi" (28f) have been together for 3 years. for some background: lexi's mom (57f) has schizophrenia, and lexi has always been a bit of a caretaker for her. lexi has told me that her mom can be a bit of a handfull at times, and that she feels like it's her duty to always take care of her. i've told lexi that while it's honorable to care so much for her mom, i don't think it's fair that she has to sacrifice her goals. lexi told me that even though it's tough on her, she can't just abandon her mom. even though i don't know what it's like to have a parent with these issues, i still think that lexi is selling herself short. because lexi is always on call for her mom, it's not uncommon for her to cancel plans last minute. this has been a huge problem in our relationship from the beginning. i don't think it's fair to me or our relationship, i always feel like i'm at the bottom of her priority list. this issue went from minor to explosive a few days ago, and now i'm wondering how much i screwed up. my dad's funeral was a few days ago, i was extremely close to my dad, so attending his funeral was very important. it was also equally important to me to have lexi there for emotional support. my whole family was expecting lexi to be there with me to offer her condolences. i made it very clear to lexi that this funeral meant the world to me, and that i need her there with me. well, about 2 hours before we were supposed to leave, lexi went to go check on her mom. after she was gone for about 45 minutes, i decided to call her to ask her when she's coming back. lexi told me that her mom is having some type of episode/panic attack and that i'll have to go to the funeral without her. i don't know what happened, but i just snapped, it was like the past 3 years just came boiling over. i screamed at her that she always does this to me, she constantly puts me on the back burner. lexi told me not to yell, that it's not her fault, and she needs to help her mom. i yelled back, "well, it's not my fault your mom's fucking crazy!" she hung up and we haven't spoken to each other for the past 2 days, now i'm wondering if i went too far. aita? [/INST] esh calling her mother "crazy" is a hurtful dismissal of a highly complicated mental illness that really doesn't need further stigma around it. however, you expressed multiple times that the funeral was important to you, and lexi chose to leave you alone anyway. is there really nobody else in the world who could have sat with her for a few hours whilst you two were at the funeral? your priorities and hers are simply not aligned right now, and i think you need to have serious talk to consider what kind of future you're expecting together. you need to get on the same page, otherwise this issue will keep coming up and keep causing arguments until it eventually breaks you up </s>
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AITA for telling my husband to lose the entitled attitude and do shit for himself?
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just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous.
since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks.
so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more".
last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?"
so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself."
he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated.
aita? did i push it too far?
| 28,683
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5jidt/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_lose_the_entitled/
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2020-10-05 13:36:05
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nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too.
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nta, and if that's how your husband is acting at work his stint as an assistant manager will be a short lived one. for the sake of his career, he needs to learn the difference between being a boss and being a leader.
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nta. girl, nip this in the bud now before it goes any further. i understand he got a promotion, but he needs to reel it in. tell him to grow up, stop acting like a child, you work just like him and make him stop throwing money in your face. also, just because his job is strenuous doesn’t give him the right to act like a dick. good luck!
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nta
wow...nta
nip it in the bud unless you want your child learning that this is okay for her future. don't let yourself be silenced - you are 100% in the right.
even if you hadn't worked all day - you're still not his maid, you're not his servant.
and your daughter having to stay in her room because he wants silence? he can go to his room if he wants to be left alone not make the four year old be confined to a room. i would never let my child be treated like a second class citizen ever but especially not in her own home.
she and you have just as much a right to exists him make noise, take breaks and say no just like him. you are both people as well and should be treated as such.
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nta. though i will say you should've said something much sooner, before you were ready to snap on him. but yeah, get that under control now or it'll ruin the two of you.
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nta. feed this man chicken nuggets. that's all he gets is chicken f****** nuggets until he starts acting the way he needs to start acting.
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nta. he was acting like an ass and you gave him a reality check 🤷♀️
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nta
his behaviour needs to change. but you two need to learn how to communicate with each other. he saw this as a one time thing because you didn't tell him about all the other times his action towards you and your child bothered you.
try to stay calm and have an actual conversation about how he hurt you and how tired you are after your workday and how there are things he should be doing around the house because you two are equal partners.
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nta you brought your husband back to earth. he was put on notice and you need to continue to put him on notice for all those small requests or else it will continue to be a reoccurring theme of selfishness and entitlement.
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someone seriously feels entitled because they are an assistant manager? you don’t get to be entitled as a junior executive, let alone assistant manager. i remember working with an assistant manager when i was in high school. she was cool. know why? she was in my same grade!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far? [/INST] nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too. </s>
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AITA for canceling my son's birthday party and giving away his electronics??
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i (40m) have a son (13m) ). i am married to my wife after his mother passed away 5 years ago.i in no way have made him call her mom or anything against his wishes. i've also told her to respect her boundaries and not to force herself upon him. but for some reason he doesn't respect her . i've tried taking him to counselling but to no effect. he keeps insulting her on social media and bashes her to his friends . i've threatened to punish him by giving away his electronics if he can't do the bare minimum to respect her , but haven't followed up on doing so except for grounding him and temporarily taking his electronics. the other day he called my wife a fat cow and a lot of uncivil words on social media. i had enough and told him to format his electronics ,delete all his social media and give it to me and also told him that his birthday party which was next week was cancelled as punishment .it took him a lot of time to give in and he finally he accepted his punishment and handed it over to me.i followed up on my word and sold his electronics and donated it to a charity . now his grandparents are mad at me . aita for doing so?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ix42t6/aita_for_canceling_my_sons_birthday_party_and/
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2020-09-21 16:44:19
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info
how long have you actually been with your wife , not just married but from the very beginning.
btw that's was a major overreaction. you have just given your son more reason to hate you and your wife. you've just given everything he holds dear away. he's 13. how is the ever going to trust you again.
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your son is acting out because of this huge life change and he probably feels like you’re not only replacing his mom but in a way him as well. grief if a really tricky emotion and it can have really bad permanent effects on people. you need to talk to your son. more than just a simple 5 minute chat. i’d definitely consider what someone else here suggested and get some good alone time with him.. maybe go on a fun trip, just you two and talk to him about it.
punishing him will only push him further from her and further from you right now. open yourself up and don’t get defensive or angry if he begins telling you things you don’t want to hear. he may only be 13 but his emotions and feelings are real and he has every right to feel them. just listen and try to understand him instead of just being angry that life isn’t making this easy on you.
i was a teen who very actively hated my dad’s girlfriend and actually cut ties with him for over a year because of it. i’m now in my late 20’s/early 30’s and i finally have a good relationship with him but it hasn’t been easy. she still throws fits and acts petty but it’s finally worth it. don’t do what my dad did and ignore what your son is trying to tell you. it’s only going to make it harder for all of you.
wishing you the best and hopefully you guys can figure this out sooner rather than later.
also edited : gently yta but nothing you can’t fix yet
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[removed]
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info: how does your wife treat your son? how long did you date before you got married? and most importantly how much did you discuss your remarrying with your son before trying the knot and did you actually listen to any things that troubled him about your upcoming marriage? because if you didn't listen and do what you could to mitigate these worries you may have set your wife and sons relationship up to fail.
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surely, this will improve the relationship between son and stepmom.
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info - how long have you been married to your wife? has your son been to therapy or counseling?
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yta first of all how will this help?!?!?!? he's just going to hate and resent her more. you should of kept him in therapy, he lost his mother! you replaced her in his eyes, and now you've shown she's more important! (in the eyes of a teenager) congratulations you've ruined any chance of being a family! what steps did you take to make him comfortable with your new relationship? how do you know she's not done anything to make him feel this way? why did you go 0-100?
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so hold on, his mom dies, you replace her and get mad that he doesn’t accept said replacement. yta. you can look through my comment history because i say it so many times in aita, you don’t marry someone if your depend child doesn’t like them, or if they aren’t ready. you gave up the right to prioritise your life the second you had kids. you didn’t give him time to grief and expect him to be okay with it? he won’t. if some random women who you never met came up to you and said ‘call me mom’ would you? no you have a mom, and if you don’t, you don’t know this lady why would you call her mom?
you are prioritising yourself over your son. that right there makes you ta. you married someone your son didn’t like that right there makes you ta. you married, and opened your son up to a stepmom before he was ready that right there make you ta. you’ve effectively created a situation where you either lose you wife or your son. you can’t have both because you couldn’t be patient enough and wait for your son, you rush into a new life. no amount of therapy for you or your son will get you to where you want, and that’s your own fault. you need to open your eyes and accept the reality of what you made. you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
by taking your sons election your also ‘choosing your wife’ in his eyes. and giving him more of a reason to hate her.
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esh -
son - for being disrespectful, i understand he lost his mother but grief isn’t an excuse and he is at the age where he should know that you can’t just insult someone
you - you should have been firmer from the beginning, not let it get to this stage
i do wonder if perhaps your wife said or did something, even if my mistake, that has caused him to dislike her so much
or if you pulled him from therapy too soon
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yta people need to put children before a relationship.
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (40m) have a son (13m) ). i am married to my wife after his mother passed away 5 years ago.i in no way have made him call her mom or anything against his wishes. i've also told her to respect her boundaries and not to force herself upon him. but for some reason he doesn't respect her . i've tried taking him to counselling but to no effect. he keeps insulting her on social media and bashes her to his friends . i've threatened to punish him by giving away his electronics if he can't do the bare minimum to respect her , but haven't followed up on doing so except for grounding him and temporarily taking his electronics. the other day he called my wife a fat cow and a lot of uncivil words on social media. i had enough and told him to format his electronics ,delete all his social media and give it to me and also told him that his birthday party which was next week was cancelled as punishment .it took him a lot of time to give in and he finally he accepted his punishment and handed it over to me.i followed up on my word and sold his electronics and donated it to a charity . now his grandparents are mad at me . aita for doing so?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (40m) have a son (13m) ). i am married to my wife after his mother passed away 5 years ago.i in no way have made him call her mom or anything against his wishes. i've also told her to respect her boundaries and not to force herself upon him. but for some reason he doesn't respect her . i've tried taking him to counselling but to no effect. he keeps insulting her on social media and bashes her to his friends . i've threatened to punish him by giving away his electronics if he can't do the bare minimum to respect her , but haven't followed up on doing so except for grounding him and temporarily taking his electronics. the other day he called my wife a fat cow and a lot of uncivil words on social media. i had enough and told him to format his electronics ,delete all his social media and give it to me and also told him that his birthday party which was next week was cancelled as punishment .it took him a lot of time to give in and he finally he accepted his punishment and handed it over to me.i followed up on my word and sold his electronics and donated it to a charity . now his grandparents are mad at me . aita for doing so? [/INST] info how long have you actually been with your wife , not just married but from the very beginning. btw that's was a major overreaction. you have just given your son more reason to hate you and your wife. you've just given everything he holds dear away. he's 13. how is the ever going to trust you again. </s>
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AITA for sleeping over at my gfs 4 nights a week making her roommate uncomfortable and causing her to flip out?
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let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor.
now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers.
liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom.
here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc.
we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are.
their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible.
on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament.
my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita?
| 21,619
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpa8mv/aita_for_sleeping_over_at_my_gfs_4_nights_a_week/
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2019-08-12 09:54:17
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yta, you've been there for most of the week for the last few months?? you're a third roommate who doesn't pay rent and she never agreed to it.
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yta - you are obviously not visiting, you are living there. and if a couple locks themselves in the bathroom with the shower running for half an hour i wouldn’t start knocking and risk interrupting them bonking. you are definitely making a person feel uncomfortable in their own home and you know it. you and your gf need to rent something together and let bianca get a new roommate, hopefully a grownup this time.
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yta. having been the roommate in this situation, i know from experience how badly it sucks. you always feel like you're in the way of "the couple" and you don't feel comfortable in your own home. taking over the bathroom to have sex in the shower is just one of many, many problems the roommate is forced to deal with--despite the fact that *she's* the one paying rent.
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yta
you apparently "hate being the cause of her discomfort" yet continue to essentially mooch off these people while paying no rent. imagine you actually had a decent place and paid rent and someone decided to simply spend all their time at your place using the excuse that their own place is shit?
get a better place, move in with liv (or not) and quit being a leech.
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to be honest, yta. as your mates have already told you - you live rent free at your gfs house, also invading the life and privacy of her roommate. bianca has way more to consider now than just sharing with your gf. i wouldn't accept this either and i'd be furious with both of you. i think both you and your gf screwed up long before the long shower. your gf definitely is the asshole in this situation as well, allowing this to happen to her roommate ,and the friendship to deteriorate.
you don't want to cook at home and you don't want to live there (really). you chose that living situation because it's cheap - but you spend many nights away. that's not bianca's fault and she shouldn't suffer for your choices.
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> we both put ourselves in her situation **and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting**, but she's a bit more timid than we are.
wow. you're seriously trying to justify it with "well she could have said something."
yta and so is your girlfriend. you both sound like incredibly selfish people.
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yta. 4 nights is more than half the week. bianca agreed to live with your girlfriend, not you. you also don't pay rent. i'm sorry your own living conditions are difficult but that doesn't give you the right to do this.
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yta
you and your girlfriend are putting your convenience before the flatmate's rights.
* it's her place, not yours.
* she pays rent, not you.
* she agreed to live with her friend, not you.
what do you even contribute to this place? nothing. you and your girlfriend are being selfish and your actions are making the flatmate uncomfortable in her own home.
> i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in
it is normal for couples to do this, however that doesn't give you a free pass to encroach on the flatmate.
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yta, she never agreed to live with a couple.
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yta
your gf should have spoken to her about this before you started spending 4 nights a week there. that girl never agreed to have a boy in the house, even if you're not in the living room. you can't define for her what she's okay with and what she isn't. also, you're not "stuck" in this situation until your gf's lease gets over. go back to your place. it's not the roommate's fault that you live in a small flat. that's your decision. if you hadn't met your gf who could accommodate you in her room, you would still be sleeping in your own flat. so do that.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor. now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers. liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom. here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc. we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are. their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible. on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament. my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor. now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers. liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom. here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc. we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are. their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible. on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament. my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita? [/INST] yta, you've been there for most of the week for the last few months?? you're a third roommate who doesn't pay rent and she never agreed to it. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my sister for not wanting me shirtless at her pool?
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my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family.
when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice.
i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool.
when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me.
she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it.
when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this.
my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early.
i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight.
my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked.
what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
| 30,924
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hppclc/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_sister_for_not_wanting/
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2020-07-12 05:47:52
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nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too.
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[removed]
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nta
you were right to call out that transphobic behaviour. 'didn't want her in laws to look at her differently' makes it sound like she was saying she was ashamed to have a trans brother.
i'm glad your parents stood up for you though! that was awesome of them.
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you resected her wishes, you kept your shirt on and left. your parents were offended by her behaviour, they left. the only person your sister has to blame is herself. kudos to you and your parents.
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nta. i have several ftm friends and former students. getting to go shirtless at a pool or the beach is like a rite of passage. it means you feel comfortable that you are “passing.” i guess you could call it a “rite of passing” then. i can imagine how deeply it hurt you, both that your sister wasn’t supportive (and, frankly, overjoyed) that you feel good about going shirtless, and that she is obviously ashamed of who you are. you were right to leave, and i almost cheered out loud when i read that your parents left too, in solidarity with you.
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nta.
you didn't cause the drama she did.
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nta
as a fellow trans afab person, i would be heartbroken if my sister said this to me. i’m yet to have top surgery but when i initially came out my older sister was awful about it. she said she woulda never call me her brother, never use my new name and never use different pronouns. it broke my heart. it’s so good though that your parents stuck up for you, and it’s her own fault that she had an argument with your dad. she’s the ah and clearly has some internalised transphobia.
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nta. your sister should have been more supportive of you. at least your parents stood up for you.
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nta! your sister ruined her party all by herself. she worried about her in-laws thinking badly of *her* b/c you're you. that's a dick move right there.
i'm so sorry she chose appearances over honesty. i would have left, too. i'm glad your parents are supporting you. sis needs to go take a look in a mirror to see who's responsible here.
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nta at all. she can f right off with her transphobic comments.
ps: could someone tell me if i have this right? trans male = someone who transitioned from female to male and trans female = someone who transitioned from male to female?
i have no trans people in my life or anything to ask and i want to make sure i understand everything correctly
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day? [/INST] nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too. </s>
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AITA for being mad at my wife for not telling me that she was pregnant?
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i don’t see how i’m in the wrong. my wife recently found out she was pregnant around 2 weeks ago. she apparently told her best friend and her mom almost immediately. that’s fair, but what i don’t think is fair is that she never told me. i figured out that she was pregnant after her bestie told me. apparently, she thought that my wife already had told me, and she did immediately apologize for ruining the surprise.
the thing is, i think waiting a couple of weeks to tell your husband that you’re pregnant is a bit too much. my wife says that i’m being an asshole because i don’t get to decide when she’s comfortable telling people. i find that extremely unfair considering i’m the dad and her husband.
so, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gzzbr6/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_wife_for_not_telling_me/
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2020-06-09 23:46:10
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info: if she isn't comfortable telling you about a pregnancy, there is likely a reason. do you want the kid? are you planning on placing her under any sort of restrictions because of it? has she decided that she's keeping it? you really need to have a conversation with her about how this made you feel and why she chose to not tell you right away.
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is it possible she was planning to tell you on father's day? if i were trying for a baby with my husband and found out this close to father's day i would definitely wait to tell him and try to find a cute way of telling him.
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we are missing a lot of info here. she must have given some reason -- even if you don't think it was much of one -- why she didn't tell you first. does she usually cross boundaries like that with her friends? are you two having problems? do you have a history of anger or overreaction in any way? i feel like you're giving us the barest bones possible and asking us to make a judgment with no context whatsoever.
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nah
maybe she wanted to plan something fun to tell you. maybe she was scared of how you’d react. talk to her before you get so angry about it.
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info: did she explain why she was waiting to tell you?
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there isn’t enough information here for a judgement and anyone giving you one is wrong
she must have a reason for not telling you straight away
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this is a massive amount of assumption based off one line. your comment is longer than the original post! you literally made up a whole story based off a sentence!!!
relax
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do you think maybe she was going to tell you on father’s day as it is quickly approaching. honestly i would have waited to tell my s/o on that date as a surprise.
you need to find out more info. if she was being spiteful i would say nta
however if she was planning on doing what i suggested as possible yta
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nta what the hell ??? it’s your kid too... and you’re married... like what? this doesn’t make sense, telling her husband, the father, should have been first priority, in fact i think it’s indeed very insulting that others knew about your future child before you did.
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info- can you give a timeline here of how pregnant she was when she found out, how much later she told her mom and best friend, how much later than that did you find out, and did she say why she told them and when she was going to tell you?
was this an unwanted pregnancy, was she considering terminating the pregnancy, has she miscarried a child before, do you have marital problems going on, do you abuse her, is she "too old" to have a baby, etc.?
because if you have a "normal" marriage with no drama where you'd both be happy having a baby, this would be a batshit crazy thing to do on her part. i'm assuming there's a reason she didn't want to tell you. otherwise, she's the asshole.
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i don’t see how i’m in the wrong. my wife recently found out she was pregnant around 2 weeks ago. she apparently told her best friend and her mom almost immediately. that’s fair, but what i don’t think is fair is that she never told me. i figured out that she was pregnant after her bestie told me. apparently, she thought that my wife already had told me, and she did immediately apologize for ruining the surprise. the thing is, i think waiting a couple of weeks to tell your husband that you’re pregnant is a bit too much. my wife says that i’m being an asshole because i don’t get to decide when she’s comfortable telling people. i find that extremely unfair considering i’m the dad and her husband. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i don’t see how i’m in the wrong. my wife recently found out she was pregnant around 2 weeks ago. she apparently told her best friend and her mom almost immediately. that’s fair, but what i don’t think is fair is that she never told me. i figured out that she was pregnant after her bestie told me. apparently, she thought that my wife already had told me, and she did immediately apologize for ruining the surprise. the thing is, i think waiting a couple of weeks to tell your husband that you’re pregnant is a bit too much. my wife says that i’m being an asshole because i don’t get to decide when she’s comfortable telling people. i find that extremely unfair considering i’m the dad and her husband. so, aita? [/INST] info: if she isn't comfortable telling you about a pregnancy, there is likely a reason. do you want the kid? are you planning on placing her under any sort of restrictions because of it? has she decided that she's keeping it? you really need to have a conversation with her about how this made you feel and why she chose to not tell you right away. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my pregnant sister for not being excited for my wedding b/c I didn't choose a date she wanted me to?
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i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever.
now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad.
i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad.
so, reddit aita?
| 9,209
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oo68dq/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_pregnant_sister_for/
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2021-07-20 17:03:32
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yta. no one cares about your wedding like you do. expecting your sister who herself has a major life changing thing going on to be excited for your wedding when you didn't even make an effort to set a date that could be convenient for her is not it. it seems like your sister didn't even say anything to you until you snapped at her. your fiancée is right.
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yta, oh my.
you told her you can’t change the date because your friend wouldn’t be able to attend if you did. you literally told her and everyone else, your friend means more to you than your sister. you said that you and your sister have (or had) a close relationship and are upset that she’s not more excited for you. why should she be? you told a pregnant sister that you would rather have a friend in your wedding than her. your sister is hurt and most importantly, she hasn’t taken it out on you. you’re upset that she’s not acting the way you want to? lmao yeah, yta
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yta.
you *did* choose to have your best friend attend instead of your sister.
now you're annoyed because your sister isn't "showing enough excitement"?
apologize to your sister, please.
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>i did choose my best friend over her.
yta for this and for not realising that your sister wanted to be invited and is upset that you basically told her that her presence was neither necessary or wanted. arrange something special for her before the wedding, like an afternoon tea with you and fiancée.
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dude... the title alone makes you look bad.
yta.
if you were invited to a party or meetup, but was unable to attend, would you spend your time thinking about/being excited for an event you know you won't make it to?
your sister is not bitter; she is keeping her head down so her arrogant brother doesn't stress her out or raise her blood pressure while she's pregnant.
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your future spouse called you an asshole. you needed the internet to confirm it?
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yta. no one is required to jump for joy or show excitement for anyone’s wedding if they aren’t feeling so. it’s your wedding. you don’t get to regulate someone’s reactions over a day that honestly isn’t the biggest day in anyone else’s life other than you and your fiancé.
your sister is pregnant! stress and any issues could cause serious health issues for her and her baby. she isn’t allowed to travel. she’s not making a choice not to come….her life and her baby’s life could be in danger.
she said she is happy for you. you didn’t have to be so rude to her and make a big deal out of something she didn’t even mention to begin with.
your fiancé is quite sensible and understanding. you don’t have a right to be mad.
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yta - why would your sister show excitement when she’s clearly disappointed that she can’t go? it’s borderline cruel to blatantly tell her your friend’s attendance is more important than hers and then get mad that she isn’t excited about helping you plan.
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sorry. gotta go with yta on this. :( you said you were close...imagine you couldn't be with her on one of the most special days of her life because she planned it that way. then imagine that you have to keep hearing all the details and try to be supportive of this choice of hers while you hear over and over about it. it's like a nail getting hammered deeper and deeper each time the subject comes up. your brother who you've spent most of your life with has chosen to get married on a date that you can't be there. pretty sure you'd react the same as her or worse even. her reason for not being able to attend is something that she can't change. i'm sure there is very little else that would keep her from being there otherwise. i really feel like some sort of comprimise could've been reached despite the friend's limited window of availability. regardless, i do feel that you need to be more aware of why your sister is hurt.
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yta. you expect her to be excited about your wedding when you deliberately set it up to exclude.
how pathetic can you get?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever. now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad. i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad. so, reddit aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever. now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad. i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad. so, reddit aita? [/INST] yta. no one cares about your wedding like you do. expecting your sister who herself has a major life changing thing going on to be excited for your wedding when you didn't even make an effort to set a date that could be convenient for her is not it. it seems like your sister didn't even say anything to you until you snapped at her. your fiancée is right. </s>
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AITA for not lending my niece one of my girlfriends jackets?
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my sisters family came by my place on the way to a pumpkin patch with a corn maze. they live a few hours away, so they stopped at my house for a pee break.
it had unexpectedly gotten a bit chilly outside, so my niece, elsie asked if she could borrow a jacket.
so i got her one of mine. she ended up saying never mind and that she didn’t think she needed it anymore. i didn’t really think much of it after that.
my sister called me the next week to tell me that i really upset elsie. elsie had just come out as transgender a few months ago and is still dealing with some of the fallout from friends and other family members.
by offering her a masculine looking jacket i had really upset her and caused her to be hyper focused on her appearance and question herself.
she said elsie had seen other more feminine looking jackets in my house and elsie was sure i was going to offer her one of them. my sister says i should have because i should have known how much it would mess with elsie.
the thing is those jackets are my girlfriends jackets. i didn’t think it was my place to offer them up to someone else.
edit. in case it’s not clear i did know my niece was transgender before they came over. i’ve known for months like everyone else when she came out.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/doc2o8/aita_for_not_lending_my_niece_one_of_my/
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2019-10-28 17:30:13
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nah. your niece is hypersensitive right now due to her circumstances (which is completely understandable), but you were correct in the fact that they weren’t your jackets to offer. especially if there was no guarantee that it would be returned that night since they live that far away.
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nta. elsie needs to realize that girls can still wear masculine jackets. you didn't realize you hit a sore spot when she asked for one. you clearly thought she was asking for one of yours and it seems like you didn't feel like you had permission from your girlfriend to lend hers.
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nah. remove trans from the equation, and you're left with lending your niece *somebody else's* stuff. i wouldn't do it, not unless i had their permission. ofc she's going to be really sensitive about this, it's a brave step to take, embracing who you are inside, must be tough :( all i can suggest is that you're honest about this; it wasn't about her, offence wasn't intended, it was simply you offering to lend her your jacket?
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>my sister says i should have because i should have known how much it would mess with elsie.
"oh i think you have me confused with someone who can read minds."
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nta i would not be happy if my so lent my jacket to someone without my permission, especially to go to a pumpkin patch which is outdoors and messy. plus, you didn’t intend anything by it, you were just trying to find a solution to her lack of preparation.
it’s too bad that it bothered your niece, but beggars can’t be choosers; if she wants to pick her own coat she should bring one.
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nah - understandably the girl was upset but you did nothing wrong. and you’re absolutely right, it’s not your place to lend out someone else’s clothes
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nta : elsie is in a difficult place but no one should have rang you up and told you off, because it’s passing on some unfair guilt. you don’t offer other people’s jackets, because it’s rude. if elsie needs to borrow something in future, she should probably ask another female member of the family because that way it might avoid issues like that, and she can feel more comfortable in what she’s wearing. plus, it’s a borrowed item, so you weren’t directly ‘acting’ against her sense of self and identity - as in not deliberately misgendering her.
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nah.
it’s something you probably didn’t think about. you just were nice and offered your jacket because she was cold.
i also wouldn’t want to lend something to someone that isn’t mine and wouldn’t want someone to lend my stuff to someone without me knowing.
on the other hand i understand why your niece was upset. maybe you could call her and apologise (even if it wasn’t intentional) for making her not feel validated. then explain to her why you didn’t give her a more feminine jacket.
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nta - if she had wanted a specific jacket for a fashion accessory, she could have asked for it. if she was cold, she could take what was offered.
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nta for one, those jackets belonged to your girlfriend and weren’t yours to loan out. two, you didn’t know what was going on in elsie’s life so how were you meant to know? also, she needs to learn a jacket is just a jacket, not an insult.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sisters family came by my place on the way to a pumpkin patch with a corn maze. they live a few hours away, so they stopped at my house for a pee break. it had unexpectedly gotten a bit chilly outside, so my niece, elsie asked if she could borrow a jacket. so i got her one of mine. she ended up saying never mind and that she didn’t think she needed it anymore. i didn’t really think much of it after that. my sister called me the next week to tell me that i really upset elsie. elsie had just come out as transgender a few months ago and is still dealing with some of the fallout from friends and other family members. by offering her a masculine looking jacket i had really upset her and caused her to be hyper focused on her appearance and question herself. she said elsie had seen other more feminine looking jackets in my house and elsie was sure i was going to offer her one of them. my sister says i should have because i should have known how much it would mess with elsie. the thing is those jackets are my girlfriends jackets. i didn’t think it was my place to offer them up to someone else. edit. in case it’s not clear i did know my niece was transgender before they came over. i’ve known for months like everyone else when she came out.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sisters family came by my place on the way to a pumpkin patch with a corn maze. they live a few hours away, so they stopped at my house for a pee break. it had unexpectedly gotten a bit chilly outside, so my niece, elsie asked if she could borrow a jacket. so i got her one of mine. she ended up saying never mind and that she didn’t think she needed it anymore. i didn’t really think much of it after that. my sister called me the next week to tell me that i really upset elsie. elsie had just come out as transgender a few months ago and is still dealing with some of the fallout from friends and other family members. by offering her a masculine looking jacket i had really upset her and caused her to be hyper focused on her appearance and question herself. she said elsie had seen other more feminine looking jackets in my house and elsie was sure i was going to offer her one of them. my sister says i should have because i should have known how much it would mess with elsie. the thing is those jackets are my girlfriends jackets. i didn’t think it was my place to offer them up to someone else. edit. in case it’s not clear i did know my niece was transgender before they came over. i’ve known for months like everyone else when she came out. [/INST] nah. your niece is hypersensitive right now due to her circumstances (which is completely understandable), but you were correct in the fact that they weren’t your jackets to offer. especially if there was no guarantee that it would be returned that night since they live that far away. </s>
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AITA for removing my mother from all social media after she publicly shamed me?
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my mother doesnt like how i act in that i'm extremely opinionated and was commenting on a thread on a national news site next thing i know shes in there naming my fiancee and shaming me trying to make me not have an opinion other than what she deems okay.
am i the asshole for immediatly removing her from all social media and sending this message?
"i've blocked you from seeing anything on my profile until you stop trying to make me act how you want. i am my own person. i love you. i am an adult i do not appreciate you publicly trying to shame me where 100s of thousands of people view comments every day and you need to understand why that's not alright."
edit 1: mods shut off commenting please getting personally attacked in pms and done reading this long ago consensus is between esh and nta which i'm fine with.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2fjzc/aita_for_removing_my_mother_from_all_social_media/
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2019-11-27 12:47:00
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info: entirely depends on what you posted, and what she posted. you said she "shamed" you but didn't say how.
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info i believe we need to know what the comment she was shaming you for contained. people can get really nasty in comments on facebook and it could easily have been something you deserved shaming for.
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esh. i can’t believe people get so worked up over things like this. if you can’t handle people having an opinion about your opinion keep it to yourself.
people who comment on social media posts are the worst...oh wait
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yta for exaggerating. tagging your fiancé is annoying because she pulled in an unrelated party, but if’s not ‘publicly posting your personal info.’ 🙄
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info what was the thing
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info - what was the story about? (yes you are allowed opinions - but sometimes best not put in public) - though she did cross line naming you fiance - or did sge just tag him so he coukd see what you said
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if you share opinions publicly on social media you invite public criticism and rebuke. i’m not convinced that you were shamed and this sort of nonsense being conducted publicly by family members sucks. esh. why would your identifying the woman in the article a “horrible person” not be some sort of shaming also?
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yta.you sound like a headcase.
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yta. based on other comments here and overall how little info you've provided trying to spin things in your favor, i'm betting that this instance was a lot closer to "i was popping off being an asshole and my mom called me on my bull"
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info
we have no idea what she said, and what she was shaming you for. for all we know, it could range from something like someone being anti-vaxxers and their mom shaming you for putting a child in danger, to a crazy mother shaming her child and their fiancee for say, being pro-choice or something.
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INFO
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother doesnt like how i act in that i'm extremely opinionated and was commenting on a thread on a national news site next thing i know shes in there naming my fiancee and shaming me trying to make me not have an opinion other than what she deems okay. am i the asshole for immediatly removing her from all social media and sending this message? "i've blocked you from seeing anything on my profile until you stop trying to make me act how you want. i am my own person. i love you. i am an adult i do not appreciate you publicly trying to shame me where 100s of thousands of people view comments every day and you need to understand why that's not alright." edit 1: mods shut off commenting please getting personally attacked in pms and done reading this long ago consensus is between esh and nta which i'm fine with.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mother doesnt like how i act in that i'm extremely opinionated and was commenting on a thread on a national news site next thing i know shes in there naming my fiancee and shaming me trying to make me not have an opinion other than what she deems okay. am i the asshole for immediatly removing her from all social media and sending this message? "i've blocked you from seeing anything on my profile until you stop trying to make me act how you want. i am my own person. i love you. i am an adult i do not appreciate you publicly trying to shame me where 100s of thousands of people view comments every day and you need to understand why that's not alright." edit 1: mods shut off commenting please getting personally attacked in pms and done reading this long ago consensus is between esh and nta which i'm fine with. [/INST] info: entirely depends on what you posted, and what she posted. you said she "shamed" you but didn't say how. </s>
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AITA for still going to my dental appointment after my husband tried to get me to reschedule?
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so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday.
my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend.
like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day.
he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off.
instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
| 25,983
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0bel6/aita_for_still_going_to_my_dental_appointment/
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2022-05-29 13:39:38
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nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry.
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nta
hes 33 with an injured knee, not 97 and on his deathbed. since your husband and terry are on the same side just give terry your ring, clearly your husband loves him more, jeez 😤
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nta and don't go home. "face the consequences"? these aren't the words of a husband, they're the words of a slave driver.
your husband, who should be supporting you, is acting like terry is the only important person in the house, aside from him, and you should put everything on hold to wait on terry hand-and-foot, while your own needs are of no consequence. terry, it appears, also thinks you are his servant. the fact that your husband berates you if terry is the least bit put out tells me he values terry much more than you.
apparently, the fact you were in incredible pain was of no matter to him, though i'll bet if it was his toothache, he would have gone to the dentist asap.
get a police escort to go to your home and get your things. and then, it's time to consider filing for divorce. you want nothing more to do with this man, or terry.
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nta. the complete lack of respect both of these men have for you is breathtaking. a grown man *tattling* about not being served fast enough? and your husband takes his side?
i know people hate the "reddit tells people to divorce" trope, but this situation shows such a fundamental lack of care or respect for you. it tells you everything about his character, and the character of someone he's chosen as his "best friend." i don't see how you come back from this.
by the way, severe tooth pain is an urgent issue. people have died from dental abscess complications. i don't know if that's what was going on with you, but your husband was literally willing to risk your health to make his asshole baby friend happy.
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nta your husband is.
he’s turned you into a carer for his buddy without asking and terry is a grown man that tattles on you for not doing more when you’re doing plenty.
he expects you to neglect your own physical health when you’re in pain to cater to his friend.
not gonna lie, when i read that the friend raised his voice and **told** you to go upstairs and cancel i got some second hand rage. who the fuck does this guy think he is?
you’ve been more than accommodating.
there’s an old saying: fish and guests start to stink after 3 days.
terry gotta go.
and your husband needs an attitude adjustment if he wants to stay married to you because his current approach seems intolerable.
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nta. stay with your mom, don’t go back.
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nta. he seems to be more worried about his friend than his wife....
does hubby's friend know he has two knees? he can use crutches and walk!
you're accommodating but you're not they're slave.
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nta! wth does terry think he is? he is a grown a$$ adult who should be able to be alone for a few hours. hubby and terry can figure it out on their own. i had ankle surgery and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks and i managed on my own for a few hours.
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nta your husband is. i get that he cares for his friend but really? to the expense of op's welfare?
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nta.
consequences??? you are not a child. sounds like your husband just became terry’s (unnecessary) full-time carer. you should relax at your mother’s house for a while. consider returning to your husband after a proper apology and agreement to an anti-terry plan.
your mom sounds great. husband and terry, not so much.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes. [/INST] nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry. </s>
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AITA because I ate pork, got annoyed at someone pointing it out and then pointing out her sexual history/hypocrisy in return?
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the recent vegan post reminded me of something that happened to me before. i wanted to know what reddit thought.
a little background, i was raised muslim and was always told we can’t eat pork. one time i ate pepperoni by accident and freaked out. i always had non muslim friends who ate pork, i never cared. i went to restaurants with them, they ordered bacon, never bothered me, i just avoided it (like asking does this contain pork when ordering).
after i went away to uni, i started to drink alcohol and have premarital sex (which is also not allowed in my religion). i went on a euro trip (germany, italy and france) one year and almost all the food had pork so i indulged and ate all the sausages, cured meats, enjoyed every moment!
now back in the us, i started eating pepperoni on pizza (omg, that shit is delicious!). so here’s the aita part. we went out for chinese food one night with a group of friends (all religions). we ordered a whole table full of foods (chicken wings, beef with broccoli, sweet and sour pork) and beers. one girl, i’ll call her m also muslim, she was told “ok, this red looking dish here on the left is pork, stay away from it” and she was like “ohh why do you have to order it? ugh fine, make sure you don’t bring it near my food”.
our food arrived. everyone was drinking, including me and other muslims (except m) and the pork was kept far. i reached for the pork and put some on my plate and she freaked out “omg you’re eating the flesh of swine? that’s disgusting! how can you do that?” i said “chill” but she kept saying “ewwww, flesh of swine!” so after a few comments i’m like “can you please stfu? x y and z ate drinking beer, why aren’t you saying we are drinking poison? why are you ruining my night about food?” and she said “i just want to save my sister from hell” and i said “oh god, please ducking leave me alone, i don’t give a shit, you fucked half the table!” the table got awkward.
aita because i got pissed off and outed ms sexual history in the table because she kept bugging me about eating pork? (it wasn’t a secret, everyone knew she dated 2/4 guys at the dinner table). some people said i was an ah and slut shaming her, others said it’s m was being too preachy and annoying for pointing out my pork eating.
tldr aita for pointing out a friends sexual history because she kept bugging me about eating pork?
| 1,748
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktju56/aita_because_i_ate_pork_got_annoyed_at_someone/
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2021-01-09 04:27:04
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esh. both opinions from your friends are correct. she is a hypocrite and should mind her own business. however, outting someone's sexual history is more assholey and serious than preaching about what you should eat. she started it, but you could have been equally rude and called out her hypocrisy without being explicit. i believe she deserves some whiplash from her annoying hypocritical preaching, but i would've just said something like " stfu i know you don't follow all the muslim restrictions and don't make me be more specific"
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nta
so all that really happened is that she made a big fuss about your eating pork and sausage, etc but she got all offended when you outed her love of "sausage" as well?
this is a clear case of stone throwing and glass houses :d
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nta she wants to be high and mighty then she shouldn’t be a hypocrite.
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esh
that is not a mature response to her being an ass about the pork.
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nta she’s the literal definition of a hypocrite. she needed to be knocked down a peg or two.
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i'm torn because the sexual history was a matter of not following the rules of the religion, when she was being loud and rude about you not following a different rule.
i have to go with esh though, because socially the two are not equivalent. you also dragged the others into it by mentioning people who were there specifically.
she needs to stfu but there are better ways to say that.
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nta
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
if your friend wanted to criticize you for not adhering to your religion, then she should have been beyond reproach herself.
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nta
glass houses and stones.
sounds like her house wasn’t tempered.
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nta. i can’t stand when people from any religion pick and choose what is and isn’t okay to follow. you probably could’ve handled it a bit better but also i probably would’ve snapped too if i was being chastised for something menial by a hypocrite.
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nta - that pork is ducking hilarious
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.139196
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the recent vegan post reminded me of something that happened to me before. i wanted to know what reddit thought. a little background, i was raised muslim and was always told we can’t eat pork. one time i ate pepperoni by accident and freaked out. i always had non muslim friends who ate pork, i never cared. i went to restaurants with them, they ordered bacon, never bothered me, i just avoided it (like asking does this contain pork when ordering). after i went away to uni, i started to drink alcohol and have premarital sex (which is also not allowed in my religion). i went on a euro trip (germany, italy and france) one year and almost all the food had pork so i indulged and ate all the sausages, cured meats, enjoyed every moment! now back in the us, i started eating pepperoni on pizza (omg, that shit is delicious!). so here’s the aita part. we went out for chinese food one night with a group of friends (all religions). we ordered a whole table full of foods (chicken wings, beef with broccoli, sweet and sour pork) and beers. one girl, i’ll call her m also muslim, she was told “ok, this red looking dish here on the left is pork, stay away from it” and she was like “ohh why do you have to order it? ugh fine, make sure you don’t bring it near my food”. our food arrived. everyone was drinking, including me and other muslims (except m) and the pork was kept far. i reached for the pork and put some on my plate and she freaked out “omg you’re eating the flesh of swine? that’s disgusting! how can you do that?” i said “chill” but she kept saying “ewwww, flesh of swine!” so after a few comments i’m like “can you please stfu? x y and z ate drinking beer, why aren’t you saying we are drinking poison? why are you ruining my night about food?” and she said “i just want to save my sister from hell” and i said “oh god, please ducking leave me alone, i don’t give a shit, you fucked half the table!” the table got awkward. aita because i got pissed off and outed ms sexual history in the table because she kept bugging me about eating pork? (it wasn’t a secret, everyone knew she dated 2/4 guys at the dinner table). some people said i was an ah and slut shaming her, others said it’s m was being too preachy and annoying for pointing out my pork eating. tldr aita for pointing out a friends sexual history because she kept bugging me about eating pork?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the recent vegan post reminded me of something that happened to me before. i wanted to know what reddit thought. a little background, i was raised muslim and was always told we can’t eat pork. one time i ate pepperoni by accident and freaked out. i always had non muslim friends who ate pork, i never cared. i went to restaurants with them, they ordered bacon, never bothered me, i just avoided it (like asking does this contain pork when ordering). after i went away to uni, i started to drink alcohol and have premarital sex (which is also not allowed in my religion). i went on a euro trip (germany, italy and france) one year and almost all the food had pork so i indulged and ate all the sausages, cured meats, enjoyed every moment! now back in the us, i started eating pepperoni on pizza (omg, that shit is delicious!). so here’s the aita part. we went out for chinese food one night with a group of friends (all religions). we ordered a whole table full of foods (chicken wings, beef with broccoli, sweet and sour pork) and beers. one girl, i’ll call her m also muslim, she was told “ok, this red looking dish here on the left is pork, stay away from it” and she was like “ohh why do you have to order it? ugh fine, make sure you don’t bring it near my food”. our food arrived. everyone was drinking, including me and other muslims (except m) and the pork was kept far. i reached for the pork and put some on my plate and she freaked out “omg you’re eating the flesh of swine? that’s disgusting! how can you do that?” i said “chill” but she kept saying “ewwww, flesh of swine!” so after a few comments i’m like “can you please stfu? x y and z ate drinking beer, why aren’t you saying we are drinking poison? why are you ruining my night about food?” and she said “i just want to save my sister from hell” and i said “oh god, please ducking leave me alone, i don’t give a shit, you fucked half the table!” the table got awkward. aita because i got pissed off and outed ms sexual history in the table because she kept bugging me about eating pork? (it wasn’t a secret, everyone knew she dated 2/4 guys at the dinner table). some people said i was an ah and slut shaming her, others said it’s m was being too preachy and annoying for pointing out my pork eating. tldr aita for pointing out a friends sexual history because she kept bugging me about eating pork? [/INST] esh. both opinions from your friends are correct. she is a hypocrite and should mind her own business. however, outting someone's sexual history is more assholey and serious than preaching about what you should eat. she started it, but you could have been equally rude and called out her hypocrisy without being explicit. i believe she deserves some whiplash from her annoying hypocritical preaching, but i would've just said something like " stfu i know you don't follow all the muslim restrictions and don't make me be more specific" </s>
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AITA for being ‘weird’ about other people wearing my fiancé’s wedding dress?
|
i get married in april. my fiancé has a maid of honour, lovely lass and we get on well, and the moh wants to wear the dress once my fiancé is done wearing it. my fiancé is fine with it but i’m... not? it makes me feel really uncomfortable that her friend is going to be wearing her wedding dress. any other clothes i’d be fine with but imo that dress is symbolic, and letting someone else wear it is kind of like letting them pretend it’s *their* wedding, not ours.
for info, the moh is happily married with kids. it’s not like she doesn’t have her own wedding dress. should i just keep my nose out of this and accept that it’s my fiancé’s decision? i’ve spoken to her about it and she said that if i don’t want moh to wear it, fiancé’ll tell her she can’t. still, now i feel like i’m being an arsehole. so reddit... am i?
| 2,015
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ey5ijq/aita_for_being_weird_about_other_people_wearing/
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2020-02-03 11:00:30
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info
wait wait wait......she wants to wear it on your wedding day?
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info: do you mean on your wedding day?
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nta. after reading your comments this is 100% weird! maybe edit your post to say it’s on the wedding day as i assumed it was for an event afterwards.
very odd. i would be very interested in knowing her reasoning behind wanting to.
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i do feel like you should respect your fiancées wishes here. those dresses are expensive af just for sentimental value, i’m sure your fiancée understands the importance of finding an affordable in-style dress. nah tho.
edited because wait what. is the moh not wearing the wedding dress to her own wedding? she’s just going to wear it for...funzies? what the freak? okay i change my mind this lady is crazy. don’t let her have the dress.
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info why does she want to wear it if she is already married and has her own dress?
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no no no no no!
nobody should be asking to wear somebody's wedding dress.
nta. you should insist this doesn't happen. moh had no right to ask. that is seriously entitled and weird.
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nah - from info in comments, seems like moh just wants to try it on, i don't see the harm in that. i thought you meant to use for her own wedding. if she's giving it straight back i don't personally see any harm in it, maybe talk over with your fiancé why you feel how you do
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until edit 1 ... i was confused
but moh wants to wear your finances wedding dress on your wedding day
that's all kinds of fucked up..
nta
|
info
when and where does she want to wear it?
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nah but the moh is being weird as hell.
|
INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
|
INFO
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NAH
| 0.125638
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i get married in april. my fiancé has a maid of honour, lovely lass and we get on well, and the moh wants to wear the dress once my fiancé is done wearing it. my fiancé is fine with it but i’m... not? it makes me feel really uncomfortable that her friend is going to be wearing her wedding dress. any other clothes i’d be fine with but imo that dress is symbolic, and letting someone else wear it is kind of like letting them pretend it’s *their* wedding, not ours. for info, the moh is happily married with kids. it’s not like she doesn’t have her own wedding dress. should i just keep my nose out of this and accept that it’s my fiancé’s decision? i’ve spoken to her about it and she said that if i don’t want moh to wear it, fiancé’ll tell her she can’t. still, now i feel like i’m being an arsehole. so reddit... am i?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i get married in april. my fiancé has a maid of honour, lovely lass and we get on well, and the moh wants to wear the dress once my fiancé is done wearing it. my fiancé is fine with it but i’m... not? it makes me feel really uncomfortable that her friend is going to be wearing her wedding dress. any other clothes i’d be fine with but imo that dress is symbolic, and letting someone else wear it is kind of like letting them pretend it’s *their* wedding, not ours. for info, the moh is happily married with kids. it’s not like she doesn’t have her own wedding dress. should i just keep my nose out of this and accept that it’s my fiancé’s decision? i’ve spoken to her about it and she said that if i don’t want moh to wear it, fiancé’ll tell her she can’t. still, now i feel like i’m being an arsehole. so reddit... am i? [/INST] info wait wait wait......she wants to wear it on your wedding day? </s>
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AITA for not letting my girlfriend wear her “unique” dress to a wedding?
|
updated!
throwaway account because she uses reddit.
my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea.
don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front.
my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”.
the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
| 32,578
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ser504/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_wear_her/
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2022-01-28 13:44:37
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nta
that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting.
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to be fair, it’s not that you aren’t letting her; you can’t stop her and you’re not pretending you can. nobody can paint you as being controlling in this.
all you’re doing is telling her how unbelievably crass it would be to wear that dress, how disrespectful it would seem, how poorly it would be received and overall how much of a weapons-grade flaming asshole she would be to wear it to these guys’ wedding.
nta. holy shit, does she not see how incredibly dehumanising and objectifying what she wants to do is? it’s a gay wedding, so that makes a *meme about rats* a good fit? “throw some rainbow shit at it, the gays love rainbows” seems to broadly summarise her take.
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that seems incredibly inappropriate to wear to a wedding….
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nta- the wedding is not about her. she should not wear anything inappropriate (a dress with rats and gay prides class is 100% inappropriate). she should not wear anything that will draw too much attention away from the bride and groom.
updated rules of wedding attire:
- no wearing white
- no rat dresses (can’t believe this needs to be clarified)
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nta. this is a bad idea. the wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash. she needs to take a step back as a guest at a friends wedding and let the day be about the couple.
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nta. the implication that the grooms are rats is uncool at their wedding. it’s rude. this is not about her sense of style but about support for your friends.
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nta. but honestly you would be, if you brought her as a +1 while wearing that dress. she sounds either completely socially unaware, or just selfish, if at age 30, she still doesn’t understand that a wedding day is extremely expensive, stressful, special, and cherished by the grooms, and she should not use it as a chance to display her creativity and make a spectacle. since she’s so completely unaware, it sadly falls to you to “manage” her in this situation, and you wbta if you don’t protect your friend’s event from that rude and disrespectful dress. if she remains stubborn about wearing it, don’t be afraid to just rsvp for one.
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nta
i don't usually approve of men telling women how to dress.
1. however this is **your friends wedding** and you don't think he would like it.
2. she is a +1 she needs to respect her status at this wedding
3. she needs to respect the feelings of the grooms.
4. especially as her dress while lgb supportive is overtly political
5. her dress is designed to draw attention not something you do at a wedding. all eyes should be on the couple getting married not the guest in the attention grabbing outfit.
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maybe remind your gf these are two people in real life and not two rats getting married?
idk. just a crazy thought.
nta.
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nta, she really likes her attention huh? 🚩
a wedding is not a place for your girlfriend to demonstrate her creativity or take over the spotlight. it’s not her art exhibition or fashion runway, it’s a place for her to dress up appropriately and attend a wedding in support of two people joining their lives together. and not to be a sideshow.
ps: “i support gay rats” is a statement ripe for misunderstanding and offense from a lot of the guests. i’m not even familiar with this meme myself and am an elder millennial. so pretty sure those older than me are likely not to get it either.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother that the shared bank account we have is "shared" between us for a reason after he got mad at me for using it?
|
i am an essential medical worker (35 m) who has been at work regularly since the start of the pandemic. unfortunately, this has not given me a lot of time to be with and spoil my lovely wife who i love so much. we've had troubles in being together outside of handling family and financial/house related issues, and she subtly made it known to me that she wanted us to have some special time together.
my brother (23 m), is living with his girlfriend in an apartment and the two of them are building a house together for them to move into at the end of this year. he has an account for home developments, his own personal account, and since we're extremely close, a shared bank account for me and him to use whenever we feel it necessary. we both deposit a set amount into it every month to keep it growing. we agree that we can use it for whatever we feel like as long as we let each other know in advance.
so i let my brother know by phone that i plan on buying some jewelry and other gifts for my wife as well as taking her away from our kid related and work-from-home and other mundane stresses for a week long getaway together and that i'd be spending a lot of money from our shared account mainly on her. my brother told me that he was happy for me - he seemed absent from the conversation and even distracted, i could hear his girlfriend talking in background to him.
i take 2000$ or so from the account we share and around the middle of january, i go all out in treating my wife super special and treating her the way she truly deserves after a year of hell in 2020. i brought her several things which she loved and she told me that she appreciated me a lot for being gutsy enough to take money from my brother and i's shared account.
but the problem starts when last week, my brother called me up fuming that i had withdrawn 2000$ from our shared account. he informs me just then that he had planned on using the account to offset some issue with the home development account and that it was inconsiderate of me to take money like that. i tell him we agreed that we had no reservations on how we could use the money from our account and that i used it to help my wife de-stress. he screams at me for being selfish, calls my wife a "prima-donna" and says that i was "thinking with my dick" instead of doing what i did for my wife out of selflessness and that i'd have to re-deposit that amount into our shared account somehow. i then calmly inform him that the account we share is a shared account for a reason and told him not to get too upset at me for the terms of our deal, and tell him to cool down and call me another day to discuss calmly.
my parents and his girlfriend all call me the following day informing me that my brother is really angry at me for taking such a huge amount of money from our account and won't talk to me, and his girlfriend in particular was mad at me since she wanted my brother to use money for their home. but i can't just feel guilty. aita?
| 874
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/leo4kl/aita_for_telling_my_brother_that_the_shared_bank/
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2021-02-07 15:06:20
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info. do you two have an agreement about how much you can withdraw at once? did you tell him how much you were going to take out?
this whole situation is weird. why would you have a shared account with your brother in the first place? you're both adults and you are well into your 30s. seems like it's time to cut the cord between you two and have your own separate accounts.
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info: i’m confused. why do you and your brother have a shared account that you use for personal things? it’s your business what you do with your money, of course. i’m just confused as to why a married man has an account with his brother that has money in it for each other’s individual use. wouldn’t it be better for you to have a savings account of your own for spoiling your wife, and his for home improvements?
i guess i just think there’s something missing. $2k is a lot to just take out.
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info: this arrangement is confusing in a way that feels like this cannot be a true situation.
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esh. i don't understand why either of you would have a shared bank account with no restrictions. it sounds like this is an emergency fund, and you both have different definitions of an emergency.
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nta. yeah, i’d stop this completely though. get him to take away $2000 and then split the rest and put it into your own separate savings accounts. this seems to make much more sense.
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really weird dynamic. a joint back account with family is almost never a good idea. but add in that you’re both in relationships and now it’s four people fighting over how much belongs to each person. unnecessary drama. keep your own savings accounts and if he ever is in trouble and needs help, he can use his own funds or ask for help.
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info: why on earth do you have a shared bank account? it's bound to cause exactly this kind of problem.
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ehs.
money is money dude. you should have separate accounts, because this was the eventual result.
split the money, sans $2k, and get back to being brothers.
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info: did you take more than what would be equitable? ex. you each put in $200/month and there was $4800 so taking $2000 would be less than 50%, nta. however, if you each put in us$100 per month so that there would be us$2400 and then you took out us$2000? then, you could be yta if you don't replace his share of the account.
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esh - this whole situation is asking for trouble. why share a bank account with someone else unless you have to? also, it’s a fucking pandemic. save your vacations for a later point.
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.433013
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am an essential medical worker (35 m) who has been at work regularly since the start of the pandemic. unfortunately, this has not given me a lot of time to be with and spoil my lovely wife who i love so much. we've had troubles in being together outside of handling family and financial/house related issues, and she subtly made it known to me that she wanted us to have some special time together. my brother (23 m), is living with his girlfriend in an apartment and the two of them are building a house together for them to move into at the end of this year. he has an account for home developments, his own personal account, and since we're extremely close, a shared bank account for me and him to use whenever we feel it necessary. we both deposit a set amount into it every month to keep it growing. we agree that we can use it for whatever we feel like as long as we let each other know in advance. so i let my brother know by phone that i plan on buying some jewelry and other gifts for my wife as well as taking her away from our kid related and work-from-home and other mundane stresses for a week long getaway together and that i'd be spending a lot of money from our shared account mainly on her. my brother told me that he was happy for me - he seemed absent from the conversation and even distracted, i could hear his girlfriend talking in background to him. i take 2000$ or so from the account we share and around the middle of january, i go all out in treating my wife super special and treating her the way she truly deserves after a year of hell in 2020. i brought her several things which she loved and she told me that she appreciated me a lot for being gutsy enough to take money from my brother and i's shared account. but the problem starts when last week, my brother called me up fuming that i had withdrawn 2000$ from our shared account. he informs me just then that he had planned on using the account to offset some issue with the home development account and that it was inconsiderate of me to take money like that. i tell him we agreed that we had no reservations on how we could use the money from our account and that i used it to help my wife de-stress. he screams at me for being selfish, calls my wife a "prima-donna" and says that i was "thinking with my dick" instead of doing what i did for my wife out of selflessness and that i'd have to re-deposit that amount into our shared account somehow. i then calmly inform him that the account we share is a shared account for a reason and told him not to get too upset at me for the terms of our deal, and tell him to cool down and call me another day to discuss calmly. my parents and his girlfriend all call me the following day informing me that my brother is really angry at me for taking such a huge amount of money from our account and won't talk to me, and his girlfriend in particular was mad at me since she wanted my brother to use money for their home. but i can't just feel guilty. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am an essential medical worker (35 m) who has been at work regularly since the start of the pandemic. unfortunately, this has not given me a lot of time to be with and spoil my lovely wife who i love so much. we've had troubles in being together outside of handling family and financial/house related issues, and she subtly made it known to me that she wanted us to have some special time together. my brother (23 m), is living with his girlfriend in an apartment and the two of them are building a house together for them to move into at the end of this year. he has an account for home developments, his own personal account, and since we're extremely close, a shared bank account for me and him to use whenever we feel it necessary. we both deposit a set amount into it every month to keep it growing. we agree that we can use it for whatever we feel like as long as we let each other know in advance. so i let my brother know by phone that i plan on buying some jewelry and other gifts for my wife as well as taking her away from our kid related and work-from-home and other mundane stresses for a week long getaway together and that i'd be spending a lot of money from our shared account mainly on her. my brother told me that he was happy for me - he seemed absent from the conversation and even distracted, i could hear his girlfriend talking in background to him. i take 2000$ or so from the account we share and around the middle of january, i go all out in treating my wife super special and treating her the way she truly deserves after a year of hell in 2020. i brought her several things which she loved and she told me that she appreciated me a lot for being gutsy enough to take money from my brother and i's shared account. but the problem starts when last week, my brother called me up fuming that i had withdrawn 2000$ from our shared account. he informs me just then that he had planned on using the account to offset some issue with the home development account and that it was inconsiderate of me to take money like that. i tell him we agreed that we had no reservations on how we could use the money from our account and that i used it to help my wife de-stress. he screams at me for being selfish, calls my wife a "prima-donna" and says that i was "thinking with my dick" instead of doing what i did for my wife out of selflessness and that i'd have to re-deposit that amount into our shared account somehow. i then calmly inform him that the account we share is a shared account for a reason and told him not to get too upset at me for the terms of our deal, and tell him to cool down and call me another day to discuss calmly. my parents and his girlfriend all call me the following day informing me that my brother is really angry at me for taking such a huge amount of money from our account and won't talk to me, and his girlfriend in particular was mad at me since she wanted my brother to use money for their home. but i can't just feel guilty. aita? [/INST] info. do you two have an agreement about how much you can withdraw at once? did you tell him how much you were going to take out? this whole situation is weird. why would you have a shared account with your brother in the first place? you're both adults and you are well into your 30s. seems like it's time to cut the cord between you two and have your own separate accounts. </s>
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WIBTA for not returning lost goods because the reward wasn't honored?
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i found a nintendo switch case with a few games in it at a dog park. that same night i saw a facebook help wanted post about the lost switch and promised a $250 reward for returning it. for what it's worth, i priced out the switch and games at around $600.
i like to think of myself as altruistic and normally wouldn't accept a reward provided it's not too far out of my way. so i e-mailed her, we went to go meet up at a local park, and after confirming the switch was hers, she said the reward was only a "gotcha" to find out where it was and she had no intention of paying. so i threw my altruism aside and told her i won't return it unless she gives me the stated reward of $250.
if she didn't offer a reward, i wouldn't have asked for one. but the fact she advertised it and never intended to deliver means she's not a nice person. wibta if i just keep the switch and games? i either return it for reward, or keep it out of principle now.
| 1,634
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m2a6vh/wibta_for_not_returning_lost_goods_because_the/
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2021-03-10 22:04:46
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esh.
don’t get me wrong, she really sucks and she doesn’t deserve her switch back after that bullshit trick. but this isn’t a race to the bottom, yo, just because she super-duper sucks hard doesn’t mean you get a free pass. keeping or selling something that doesn’t belong to you is wrong and you’d be an asshole if you did that. we’d all probably understand and many will support you. but you’d still be an asshole. sometimes people are assholes. it happens.
|
esh.
>i like to think of myself as altruistic
you're clearly not, so you should stop. she's a jerk for offering a reward and not paying, but you're now in possession of stolen property, which is a literal crime. once you identify the owner and refuse to return things that belong to them, it's theft. if she's seen your face and has the serial numbers for the console, she could easily report you to the police and you could be arrested for this. so unless you want to be arrested, you should give them back.
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you do realize she can just report it stolen
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esh. she shouldn’t have advertised it if she wasn’t going to pay it but come on dude. it’s not your stuff and you know who the true owner is. at this point it’s stealing. now that she knows you have it and knows that you know it’s hers she’d be well within her rights to call the cops.
her not paying this reward isn’t taking anything from you but by not giving back her stuff you are stealing. do the right thing.
|
esh
that’s her property, you don’t just get to keep it.
she probably felt she had to offer some kind of award to get it returned to her. that said, if i offered a reward i would always follow through with it
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esh- but mostly you. it's weird to list something with a reward you don't intend to pay, but i can't understand why people think they're correct or have some moral high ground in effectively stealing a strangers things because they've lied about a reward. i remember a similar post here a while back involving this situation but a cat.
you're incorrect in thinking yourself altruistic if that ends when you don't get a reward, promised or not. you are literally losing nothing in this situation by not getting a reward except your integrity.
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are you really asking if you're not the asshole for stealing $600 worth of switch and games?
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yta. she doesn't have to meet your definition of a 'nice person' to not deserve to have her stuff stolen. give it back.
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yta if you keep someone else’s property. you don’t get to decide she doesn’t „deserve“ to get her stuff back, and keep it as „punishment“. it’s still theft.
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yta altruistic my ass you kept it because you were hoping for a reward. your an opportuist found an item worth alot made 0 effort in finding the owner nor handing it to police. refusing to hand over property that isn't yours makes you a thief.
|
ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.144338
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i found a nintendo switch case with a few games in it at a dog park. that same night i saw a facebook help wanted post about the lost switch and promised a $250 reward for returning it. for what it's worth, i priced out the switch and games at around $600. i like to think of myself as altruistic and normally wouldn't accept a reward provided it's not too far out of my way. so i e-mailed her, we went to go meet up at a local park, and after confirming the switch was hers, she said the reward was only a "gotcha" to find out where it was and she had no intention of paying. so i threw my altruism aside and told her i won't return it unless she gives me the stated reward of $250. if she didn't offer a reward, i wouldn't have asked for one. but the fact she advertised it and never intended to deliver means she's not a nice person. wibta if i just keep the switch and games? i either return it for reward, or keep it out of principle now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i found a nintendo switch case with a few games in it at a dog park. that same night i saw a facebook help wanted post about the lost switch and promised a $250 reward for returning it. for what it's worth, i priced out the switch and games at around $600. i like to think of myself as altruistic and normally wouldn't accept a reward provided it's not too far out of my way. so i e-mailed her, we went to go meet up at a local park, and after confirming the switch was hers, she said the reward was only a "gotcha" to find out where it was and she had no intention of paying. so i threw my altruism aside and told her i won't return it unless she gives me the stated reward of $250. if she didn't offer a reward, i wouldn't have asked for one. but the fact she advertised it and never intended to deliver means she's not a nice person. wibta if i just keep the switch and games? i either return it for reward, or keep it out of principle now. [/INST] esh. don’t get me wrong, she really sucks and she doesn’t deserve her switch back after that bullshit trick. but this isn’t a race to the bottom, yo, just because she super-duper sucks hard doesn’t mean you get a free pass. keeping or selling something that doesn’t belong to you is wrong and you’d be an asshole if you did that. we’d all probably understand and many will support you. but you’d still be an asshole. sometimes people are assholes. it happens. </s>
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AITA For teaching my biological daughter my native language, but not my stepkids?
|
my partner and i got married about two years ago, and the same year we found out we were having a baby. as we're both over 40, she was very welcome, as my partner has three children from a previous marriage.
the issues comes now. my daughter is really learning to speak, and i speak to her only in my native language. i moved to our current country (where my partner and stepkids are native speakers/born here) and so i speak both my home language and theirs fluently. but i want my daughter to be able to speak to her family, who only speak my native language, when we go back to my home country. i also want to keep that part of her heritage alive since she won't be as connected to it as the other half growing up here.
my stepkids (11,8, 4), who are obviously feeling threatened by the new baby and her place in their life, have begun to have a problem with this. my partner is also sensitive to it and the distress of the other children. they feel like i should also be teaching them my native language and not have something special with just my biological daughter. i disagree.
my reasons are this: i'm not teaching my daughter the language, she's acquiring it. it's a different mechanism for learning a language. we don't sit down and have lessons, she just learns as i speak to her throughout the day and do the occasional baby flash cards. i don't think i have the skill to teach a language. i'm not great at teaching anyway, and i'd have to do some learning myself.
i'm a parent to four kids now. in between homework, after school clubs, and the other lessons the children have, i just do not know when we would have the time. this on top of my own work, and the fact that the little one, of course, requires more attention.
and this is maybe where i am the asshole, i think the others kids will have to eventually learn that some things will be special between me and my biological daughter. they have three parents, when she just has my partner and me, and her connection to my family back home will always be stronger, and i think having just some time with me alone is fine as well.
i offered to find a class for the children to take to learn the language and help them with their homework and talk to them at home but they refused. they feel like it's unfair that i'm unwilling to share this part of myself with them/why don't i care if they can speak to my family/why didn't i teach them or find a class before the baby was born, but i honestly just didn't think they were interested (my native language is not nearly as useful as theirs, they would basically only be using it to communicate with me and my family).
it's become a real issue in my house because i refuse to stop speaking to my daughter this way, and also refuse to start giving language lessons when a professional could do it instead. my partner hasn't gotten to the point of demanding that i stop speaking to my daughter yet, but there is tension.
aita?
| 4,922
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wfy4n0/aita_for_teaching_my_biological_daughter_my/
|
2022-08-04 10:52:11
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nah
learning a language as a baby or as a child is totally different process.
the 4 yo might be able to pick it up by hearing you. the other two will need classes, which you offered.
you're not comfortable teaching them, which is understandable
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nta... for the most part... i would suggest that the step children can aquire your language in the same way. perhaps put up a few post it notes on basic items in the house with the word in your language and speak with them in your language. it is called immersion and its no different than what you are attempting with your baby.
the only problem is, these children are older and will probably tire quickly of this method and lose interest or get frustrated unless they really are motivated.
either way your problem could well be solved.
by the way, i also am bilingual and raised children who spoke only one language. by the time i was able to start with them they were older and did not want to learn. it is really important to keep immersing your baby with both languages if you want her to master both without too much struggle. i wish i could go back and do it differently because my son cannot talk to half his family or go to our country alone.
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why don't you teach them little sentences while you're doing stuff anyway. throw in a 'i'm eating dinner' or 'we're driving in the car' etc. repeat over and over while making it a little fun.
chances are they're losing interest after a few weeks (max), you saved yourself the troubles at home, and you can 'innocently' practice alone with your daughter.
nah
|
yta
you really tipped into ah when you said “*the other kids will have to learn that some things are special between me and my biological daughter.*”
you can talk to the other kids in your language just like you talk to the baby. you can also get a pad of sticky notes and a sharpie in every room and offer to tell the kids the words for any object or any word they need - *they* write it so they take ownership, and then they stick the note where it belongs. leave the notes up.
either they will get interested and start picking up more and more, or they will drift off and say no, never mind….
let it be their choice.
|
>and this is maybe where i am the asshole, i think the others kids will have to eventually learn that some things will be special between me and my biological daughter.
yta for this, if nothing else. i think that this is the real reason you only share your native language with your bio daughter, and all the rest about not having the skill to teach your step kids is a bit of a cop out.
you see your step kids as "not your real kids" and that's not really cool. do you honestly mean you can't speak to them in your native language and show them the same language flash cards you show your own child once in a while? you're drawing a line between yourself/your daughter and your other children (yes, your other children) and that's not fair to anybody. don't make them second class members of your family.
|
nta
seem the y t a voters didn't read very well. you offered professional classes and they refused them. you aren't gate keeping your language, you just don't want to be a teacher. there is nothing wrong with that
family counseling may help here
|
nta
my parents are immigrants, and in their worry to make sure their children assimilated, they spoke to us in english at home, so eventually our native tongue went by the wayside. it is one of their biggest regrets. my father always laments not speaking their language at home for us to naturally have learned. please do not stop doing that for your daughter, it is a benefit to her as she grows.
your step kids, understandable what they’re feeling. you can’t do anything about not having prepared them prior, that’s something to apologize for. but i personally think the only thing you can do now, is keep trying to share your heritage too and hopefully they will come around.
|
nta. you are right that a baby acquiring a language and older children learning a language are totally different things. you've suggested a good option which they refuse to take. if the older kids pick some things up from hearing you speak, great, but lessons from you should not be demanded. don't let your partner dissuade you from your plan.
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nah i understand how it is very different for a baby to acquire a language vs teaching (already busy by the sounds of it) teens/pre-teens! my petty side wants to suggest that you just start speaking your first language to everyone like you do the baby, but that's maybe not so smart 😅
i did see another commenter suggest teaching them phrases here and there, and i think that's a more helpful idea, haha! i'll add on to that to sad putting up sticky notes with the names of things around the house could be nice? (eg window, cupboard, toothpaste, chair, etc)
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nta
however, you may want to change t he way you talk to them and the way you word situations. by using words like 'special' 'refuse' and 'three parents' you will make them feel like they are alienated, as if they chose to be different.
but you offering to take them to classes or lessons is good enough because some people are just not natural teachers and theres nothing wrong with that. they have to put in the effort as well to learn, its just something you can instill onto them like a genie. talk to them and tell them that you will practice with them at home but only if they are willing to take lessons.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.228883
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my partner and i got married about two years ago, and the same year we found out we were having a baby. as we're both over 40, she was very welcome, as my partner has three children from a previous marriage. the issues comes now. my daughter is really learning to speak, and i speak to her only in my native language. i moved to our current country (where my partner and stepkids are native speakers/born here) and so i speak both my home language and theirs fluently. but i want my daughter to be able to speak to her family, who only speak my native language, when we go back to my home country. i also want to keep that part of her heritage alive since she won't be as connected to it as the other half growing up here. my stepkids (11,8, 4), who are obviously feeling threatened by the new baby and her place in their life, have begun to have a problem with this. my partner is also sensitive to it and the distress of the other children. they feel like i should also be teaching them my native language and not have something special with just my biological daughter. i disagree. my reasons are this: i'm not teaching my daughter the language, she's acquiring it. it's a different mechanism for learning a language. we don't sit down and have lessons, she just learns as i speak to her throughout the day and do the occasional baby flash cards. i don't think i have the skill to teach a language. i'm not great at teaching anyway, and i'd have to do some learning myself. i'm a parent to four kids now. in between homework, after school clubs, and the other lessons the children have, i just do not know when we would have the time. this on top of my own work, and the fact that the little one, of course, requires more attention. and this is maybe where i am the asshole, i think the others kids will have to eventually learn that some things will be special between me and my biological daughter. they have three parents, when she just has my partner and me, and her connection to my family back home will always be stronger, and i think having just some time with me alone is fine as well. i offered to find a class for the children to take to learn the language and help them with their homework and talk to them at home but they refused. they feel like it's unfair that i'm unwilling to share this part of myself with them/why don't i care if they can speak to my family/why didn't i teach them or find a class before the baby was born, but i honestly just didn't think they were interested (my native language is not nearly as useful as theirs, they would basically only be using it to communicate with me and my family). it's become a real issue in my house because i refuse to stop speaking to my daughter this way, and also refuse to start giving language lessons when a professional could do it instead. my partner hasn't gotten to the point of demanding that i stop speaking to my daughter yet, but there is tension. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my partner and i got married about two years ago, and the same year we found out we were having a baby. as we're both over 40, she was very welcome, as my partner has three children from a previous marriage. the issues comes now. my daughter is really learning to speak, and i speak to her only in my native language. i moved to our current country (where my partner and stepkids are native speakers/born here) and so i speak both my home language and theirs fluently. but i want my daughter to be able to speak to her family, who only speak my native language, when we go back to my home country. i also want to keep that part of her heritage alive since she won't be as connected to it as the other half growing up here. my stepkids (11,8, 4), who are obviously feeling threatened by the new baby and her place in their life, have begun to have a problem with this. my partner is also sensitive to it and the distress of the other children. they feel like i should also be teaching them my native language and not have something special with just my biological daughter. i disagree. my reasons are this: i'm not teaching my daughter the language, she's acquiring it. it's a different mechanism for learning a language. we don't sit down and have lessons, she just learns as i speak to her throughout the day and do the occasional baby flash cards. i don't think i have the skill to teach a language. i'm not great at teaching anyway, and i'd have to do some learning myself. i'm a parent to four kids now. in between homework, after school clubs, and the other lessons the children have, i just do not know when we would have the time. this on top of my own work, and the fact that the little one, of course, requires more attention. and this is maybe where i am the asshole, i think the others kids will have to eventually learn that some things will be special between me and my biological daughter. they have three parents, when she just has my partner and me, and her connection to my family back home will always be stronger, and i think having just some time with me alone is fine as well. i offered to find a class for the children to take to learn the language and help them with their homework and talk to them at home but they refused. they feel like it's unfair that i'm unwilling to share this part of myself with them/why don't i care if they can speak to my family/why didn't i teach them or find a class before the baby was born, but i honestly just didn't think they were interested (my native language is not nearly as useful as theirs, they would basically only be using it to communicate with me and my family). it's become a real issue in my house because i refuse to stop speaking to my daughter this way, and also refuse to start giving language lessons when a professional could do it instead. my partner hasn't gotten to the point of demanding that i stop speaking to my daughter yet, but there is tension. aita? [/INST] nah learning a language as a baby or as a child is totally different process. the 4 yo might be able to pick it up by hearing you. the other two will need classes, which you offered. you're not comfortable teaching them, which is understandable </s>
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WIBTA for telling my landlord about my neighbor coming into our apartment when we aren't home?
|
i live in a duplex apartment with my boyfriend (26f and 27m). we live on the downstairs floor and have a neighbor upstairs who is a single mom (i think she's around our age, late 20s or early 30s). her child is f young (under 1) and cries often, but it doesn't bother us and we are understanding of that.
she has been living here longer than us, and since moving in we've had a very friendly relationship, and have hung out with her multiple times. i've even offered to babysit if she ever needs and i am available. so nothing seemed off until recently.
a couple weeks ago, i was home alone getting ready in the bathroom and i heard our front door open. i thought it was just my boyfriend coming home early, but it was odd that he'd come in through the front door as we usually both use the back door. i waited a few minutes and then went out to talk to him, and found our neighbor sitting on the couch. she seemed super shocked to see me, and i was just confused about what she was doing. she apologized and i was just like "oh i didn't know you were coming over" and she said something along the lines of "sorry i forget to text you." the whole thing was awkward and she left quickly. i texted my boyfriend about it and he also did not know she was going to come down to our apartment. i realized later that my car wasn't parked in our shared driveway (i parked it down the street that night to avoid blocking my boyfriend in). so i thought maybe she didn't think i was home?
i tried to brush it off but yesterday when i came home from work, she was sitting on my couch watching tv. i'm not a confrontational person, so i just said, "if you'd like to come over just text me so that you know i'm home." and she confessed to me that she's been coming down to our apartment when her baby is asleep for alone time. she wanted to be able to get out of her apartment without leaving the baby completely alone, so i guess just walking into our apartment downstairs seemed ok to her?
she went back upstairs and we left it at me asking her to make sure i'm home if she'd like to come over. i'm torn by the situation, i don't know if i can continue to trust her since she has been lying for possibly months about entering our apartment without permission. even though i haven't noticed things missing, i don't know if i can trust that she won't try to come back and take things in the future. i want to tell the landlord so he is aware of the issue, but i don't want her housing situation to be in jeopardy since she is a single mom. wibta if i told him whats been going on?
| 461
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w4osej/wibta_for_telling_my_landlord_about_my_neighbor/
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2022-07-21 19:03:15
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info: have you ever heard of a device called a “door lock”?
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nta you’re saying she’s leaving 1 year old alone so she can break in and watch tv in a different apartment…. call your landlord and cps.
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no. nta.
your neighbor is breaking and entering.
change the locks, and keep the doors locked.
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nta how is she getting into your apartment/ does she have a key are you leaving it unlocked like wtf.
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omg.
that is soooooo wrong. so very wrong.
where does she draw the line? does she also try on your shoes and clothes?
this woman is mad. **her ideas of what is wrong and what is right are so off.**...........i'd be seriously weirded out.......i'd check for hidden cameras.
1. wandering into your house all the time. wtf??
2. the baby thing.....i do not believe that. that is not why she's in your apartment. she's watching your tv, using your electricity, your wifi, etc. what is she doing with your ip? porn? other illegal activities with your ip address?
3. is she having people over while you're away? you have no way of knowing.
4. how hygenic is she? she;s clearly bonkers. what is she doing with your toothbrush, etc.
5. she goes into a whole ass other apartment to get a break from her kid. that's' the opposite of what she should do. who is watching her kid???? normally, people go to huge efforts and expense to get people to stay with their babies. she did leave the baby completely alone. she's in a whole ass other apartment.........on a different floor.....with sound-proofing between the floors presumably.
6. she's been through every drawer and cupboard in your house. she's read all your mail, she's seen all your sex toys. if you left a laptop open, she;s viewed your browsing history. she's tried on your clothes. maybe she's also tried out your sex-toys...........? who knows...........she's practically living with you guys.
7. does she have a spare key? if you've ever left a spare key in a drawer or in the door, she's taken that and made copies. change your locks.
soooooooo wrong and creepy. her behavior is so very the opposite of what it should be - for everything. she has no interest or ability to abide by common standards of decent behaviour.
*everything she is doing is wrong. its not as though some of her behaviour is ok...........every single aspect is wrong.*
she's not even embarrassed about being caught in your apartment..........she's there again a few days later.
yes, speak to your landlord. also - call the police. she's trespassing....and god only knows what else.
nta.
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nta she shouldn't leave her baby sleeping in another apartment and the whole thing is just bizarre
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lock your door. problem solved
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info: how the heck is she getting in?
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what the hell did i just read???!
you should be calling your landlord now, tell them everything, demand a change of locks, and also notify the police.
why you are being so seemingly calm about this, i have no idea.
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nta. you need to nip this in the bud, she has no right to enter your home without your knowledge. make it clear you will press charges for trespass in the future
|
INFO
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
| 0.027063
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a duplex apartment with my boyfriend (26f and 27m). we live on the downstairs floor and have a neighbor upstairs who is a single mom (i think she's around our age, late 20s or early 30s). her child is f young (under 1) and cries often, but it doesn't bother us and we are understanding of that. she has been living here longer than us, and since moving in we've had a very friendly relationship, and have hung out with her multiple times. i've even offered to babysit if she ever needs and i am available. so nothing seemed off until recently. a couple weeks ago, i was home alone getting ready in the bathroom and i heard our front door open. i thought it was just my boyfriend coming home early, but it was odd that he'd come in through the front door as we usually both use the back door. i waited a few minutes and then went out to talk to him, and found our neighbor sitting on the couch. she seemed super shocked to see me, and i was just confused about what she was doing. she apologized and i was just like "oh i didn't know you were coming over" and she said something along the lines of "sorry i forget to text you." the whole thing was awkward and she left quickly. i texted my boyfriend about it and he also did not know she was going to come down to our apartment. i realized later that my car wasn't parked in our shared driveway (i parked it down the street that night to avoid blocking my boyfriend in). so i thought maybe she didn't think i was home? i tried to brush it off but yesterday when i came home from work, she was sitting on my couch watching tv. i'm not a confrontational person, so i just said, "if you'd like to come over just text me so that you know i'm home." and she confessed to me that she's been coming down to our apartment when her baby is asleep for alone time. she wanted to be able to get out of her apartment without leaving the baby completely alone, so i guess just walking into our apartment downstairs seemed ok to her? she went back upstairs and we left it at me asking her to make sure i'm home if she'd like to come over. i'm torn by the situation, i don't know if i can continue to trust her since she has been lying for possibly months about entering our apartment without permission. even though i haven't noticed things missing, i don't know if i can trust that she won't try to come back and take things in the future. i want to tell the landlord so he is aware of the issue, but i don't want her housing situation to be in jeopardy since she is a single mom. wibta if i told him whats been going on?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a duplex apartment with my boyfriend (26f and 27m). we live on the downstairs floor and have a neighbor upstairs who is a single mom (i think she's around our age, late 20s or early 30s). her child is f young (under 1) and cries often, but it doesn't bother us and we are understanding of that. she has been living here longer than us, and since moving in we've had a very friendly relationship, and have hung out with her multiple times. i've even offered to babysit if she ever needs and i am available. so nothing seemed off until recently. a couple weeks ago, i was home alone getting ready in the bathroom and i heard our front door open. i thought it was just my boyfriend coming home early, but it was odd that he'd come in through the front door as we usually both use the back door. i waited a few minutes and then went out to talk to him, and found our neighbor sitting on the couch. she seemed super shocked to see me, and i was just confused about what she was doing. she apologized and i was just like "oh i didn't know you were coming over" and she said something along the lines of "sorry i forget to text you." the whole thing was awkward and she left quickly. i texted my boyfriend about it and he also did not know she was going to come down to our apartment. i realized later that my car wasn't parked in our shared driveway (i parked it down the street that night to avoid blocking my boyfriend in). so i thought maybe she didn't think i was home? i tried to brush it off but yesterday when i came home from work, she was sitting on my couch watching tv. i'm not a confrontational person, so i just said, "if you'd like to come over just text me so that you know i'm home." and she confessed to me that she's been coming down to our apartment when her baby is asleep for alone time. she wanted to be able to get out of her apartment without leaving the baby completely alone, so i guess just walking into our apartment downstairs seemed ok to her? she went back upstairs and we left it at me asking her to make sure i'm home if she'd like to come over. i'm torn by the situation, i don't know if i can continue to trust her since she has been lying for possibly months about entering our apartment without permission. even though i haven't noticed things missing, i don't know if i can trust that she won't try to come back and take things in the future. i want to tell the landlord so he is aware of the issue, but i don't want her housing situation to be in jeopardy since she is a single mom. wibta if i told him whats been going on? [/INST] info: have you ever heard of a device called a “door lock”? </s>
|
AITA for kicking out my girlfriend
|
so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old.
my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat.
i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside.
he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house.
i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out.
i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month.
she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month.
my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else.
aita?
| 35,596
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qkntpa/aita_for_kicking_out_my_girlfriend/
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2021-11-01 21:06:27
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nta. the cat was there first.
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keep her away from your cat!
she's going to hurt him, i guarantee it.
let him stay with someone until she's gone.
nta- this chick is psycho!
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nta. she figured out how to live separately from you until a few weeks ago, she can figure it out again.
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end of the month?
i'd have put her out that very day
nta
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nta. this was bad but expect things to get worse every day she is still living there.
get her out now before she can inflict(intentional or unintentional) permanent harm to your cat.
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>she would have to live on the streets
like she did to the cat, kick him out to live on the streets.
nta
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eh, nta, but still i think there's alot of red flags in this relationship for her to just dump your cat
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nta. if she thinks it’s acceptable to do that with something as important as a pet, then she thinks she can do that with any aspect of your life she doesn’t like.
the cat is important, but almost irrelevant in the scope of red flags she’s throwing out.
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#**this is coming from a massive cat lover - please comment *without* calling anyone any names. violating comments will be removed and earn a ban.**
#[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/).
please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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nta - indoor cats do not know how to fend for themselves outside. what she did was cruel - i wouldn’t want someone that thinks it’s okay to be cruel to animals near me. good riddance
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita? [/INST] nta. the cat was there first. </s>
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AITA For my reaction when I got home and found my 6 months old daughter wearing the same diaper for 9 hours?
|
i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc.
i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left.
i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game.
he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later.
his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him".
i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess.
sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
| 24,758
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k97mlg/aita_for_my_reaction_when_i_got_home_and_found_my/
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2020-12-08 16:42:47
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nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door.
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nta, your husband isn’t a competent father and is blaming you for it.
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nta
that's legal neglect, like, "thousands of dollars fine and possible jail time" neglect, not changing an infant's diaper for *nine hours*. either he needs to wake tf up or you should take the kids and go, cause i don't see that behavior changing anytime soon.
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nta. my first thought was to destroy the ps5. but that's really not the issue here. the problem is a father who would allow his screaming child to sit in a soiled diaper for hours on end. the problem is a husband who expects his wife, who works outside the home full-time, to come home and handle 100% of the parenting and household responsibilities. you don't have a partner, you have a third dependant. and an unhygenic one at that.
your husband comitted child neglect, plain and simple. that's the biggest concern here, because of course it is, but there are other problems too. i would not leave the children with him again, and if he didn't want to attend counseling and/or parenting classes, i would be serving him with divorce papers. you deserve a teammate you can depend on. you do not need another person to be responsible for.
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nta - your husband neglected your infant. this is abuse. you can’t trust him with your children on his own, which is absolutely pathetic on his part. if his mom thinks he is incapable of caring for his own children she can either come over and babysit or contribute towards childcare.
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nta. your husband is neglecting your child in favour of video games. ask your mom to babysit again, and tell him he either takes a childcare class and does couple's counseling with you or you're walking.
keep record of this incident in case you do end up visiting the divorce lawyer. if his mom typed any of this out over text or email, hold on to those.
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nta. absolutely inexcusable to leave a child in a soiled diaper for 9+ hours. neglectful. i would walk away from this man. he can’t even be called a man. he is a child. and his mom can take him in if she’s so concerned. you and your children deserve better.
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nta he sounds like he's addicted to his games. and your mil needs to mind her own business. she'd probably be on your side if she got the whole story. yes, he stays up nights to provide for his family. you work just as hard. he also agreed to have children and lives at the house, so he's responsible for childcare and housework too. i'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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nta. however ywbta if you leave your children with him again. what he did is neglect and that’s how cps gets involved. this is a come to jesus moment. if he wants to be trusted to care for the children then they have to come first not dead last. i’m assuming he was able to feed himself and use the restroom throughout the day so he is capable of prioritizing his needs when he recognizes them. he isn’t forgetting your children’s needs he simply isn’t prioritizing them because they aren’t important to him! please do what’s best for your kids. i hope things look up for you op.
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nta.
lol at him running to his mommy to pick on you. what a winner. o\_o
>i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things.
>
>he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to.
too bad. he's negligent. imo, you need to take over and take your kids to your mother's home or wherever there are responsible people.
i'm thinking he doesn't want your mother looking after the kids at your home because he's gaming and doesn't want to be bothered. his actions and reactions prove he's not fit to take care of your young children.
edited to include quote block, typo.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted. [/INST] nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door. </s>
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AITA For telling my sister that her daughter was not special, but instead was ordinary?
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some context is definitely needed here. i'm 33(m), and my sister is 36. she has one child (14f). i have one son (13). it is also important to add that i am a single father - my wife passed when my son was 7.
my son is quite gifted (i do not say this lightly). he tops all of his classes and often wins mathematics competitions in our state. i do not tell my sister this on account of me not wanting to seem like i'm bragging or anything - my son's achievements are his and his alone - i just provide him with the love and affection he is entitled to.
so yesterday, my family had a gathering dinner. at previous gatherings, my sister likes to demonstrate how 'special' and praiseworthy her daughter was for quite ridiculous achievements - such as winning 'best dressed' at her school dance.
this gathering, she really made me mad. not only did she tell everyone the usual so-called achievements of her daughter, but she also targeted my son in front of him. she said, with the entire family present, that i wish my son was as gifted as her daughter. her daughter proceeded to join in and call my son, who is quite shy, a looser.
i then told her that her daughter was not special at all and that her achievements were absolutely nothing and meant nothing to anyone except for her. she left the table crying.
i was then called an asshole by those remaining on the table. aita?
| 10,089
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elawpx/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_her_daughter_was/
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2020-01-07 12:27:18
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esh
jesus christ how old are you? 5? tell your sister to stop bullying your kid, but don't degrade another kid in the process. you both obviously value different things and that's fine, but neither of you should be taking away from the others kid.
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why do all these posts sound like they're biased and have the same formulae? it's always the same
>ah: *blunt obviously rude and confrontational comment out of nowhere for no reason*
>op: *concise rebuttal showing ah their place*
>family: *u r such an 4sshole*
i never see people behave like this irl. are these all fanfiction or just biased people?
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esh - obviously your sister was ta for belittling your son. however you then turned around and did the same to her daughter, which is just as bad. instead of knocking down the daughter (your niece) why didn't you just praise your son by telling them about his very real accomplishments?
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this is so fake. single dad, dead wife, brilliant son, rude sister, "mean girls" niece, gets called a "looser" \[sic\], she left crying, presumably not insane relatives who just witnessed this ludicrous interaction calling the obvious victim an asshole. get out of here with this fan fic.
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esh. insulting each others children is not something you should be doing. just because she did it first doesn't mean you should do it back to her. it sounds like you and your sister have some unresolved issues and you are both taking it out on each others kids. shame on both of you.
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esh.
>i then told her that her daughter was not special at all and that her achievements were absolutely nothing and meant nothing
if any part of this story is true, i'm not sure why you have to ask us if insulting a child in front of your entire family would make you anything but an a-hole. both you and your sister need to grow up.
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and what better way to learn bullying is unacceptable than a bigger, better bully telling her that her accomplishments mean nothing?
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[deleted]
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yta for taking the time to make this up
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esh. so, you were angry at your sister for belittling your son and your go-to method of addressing the problem was to belittle her daughter?
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ESH
| null |
ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
YTA
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ESH
| 0.032351
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some context is definitely needed here. i'm 33(m), and my sister is 36. she has one child (14f). i have one son (13). it is also important to add that i am a single father - my wife passed when my son was 7. my son is quite gifted (i do not say this lightly). he tops all of his classes and often wins mathematics competitions in our state. i do not tell my sister this on account of me not wanting to seem like i'm bragging or anything - my son's achievements are his and his alone - i just provide him with the love and affection he is entitled to. so yesterday, my family had a gathering dinner. at previous gatherings, my sister likes to demonstrate how 'special' and praiseworthy her daughter was for quite ridiculous achievements - such as winning 'best dressed' at her school dance. this gathering, she really made me mad. not only did she tell everyone the usual so-called achievements of her daughter, but she also targeted my son in front of him. she said, with the entire family present, that i wish my son was as gifted as her daughter. her daughter proceeded to join in and call my son, who is quite shy, a looser. i then told her that her daughter was not special at all and that her achievements were absolutely nothing and meant nothing to anyone except for her. she left the table crying. i was then called an asshole by those remaining on the table. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some context is definitely needed here. i'm 33(m), and my sister is 36. she has one child (14f). i have one son (13). it is also important to add that i am a single father - my wife passed when my son was 7. my son is quite gifted (i do not say this lightly). he tops all of his classes and often wins mathematics competitions in our state. i do not tell my sister this on account of me not wanting to seem like i'm bragging or anything - my son's achievements are his and his alone - i just provide him with the love and affection he is entitled to. so yesterday, my family had a gathering dinner. at previous gatherings, my sister likes to demonstrate how 'special' and praiseworthy her daughter was for quite ridiculous achievements - such as winning 'best dressed' at her school dance. this gathering, she really made me mad. not only did she tell everyone the usual so-called achievements of her daughter, but she also targeted my son in front of him. she said, with the entire family present, that i wish my son was as gifted as her daughter. her daughter proceeded to join in and call my son, who is quite shy, a looser. i then told her that her daughter was not special at all and that her achievements were absolutely nothing and meant nothing to anyone except for her. she left the table crying. i was then called an asshole by those remaining on the table. aita? [/INST] esh jesus christ how old are you? 5? tell your sister to stop bullying your kid, but don't degrade another kid in the process. you both obviously value different things and that's fine, but neither of you should be taking away from the others kid. </s>
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AITA for not saying anything when my 6-year-old yelled at his dad?
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the last year has been rough for our 6-year-old as his entire life has been upended as i left his dad. things haven’t been civil between my ex and myself… our son has seen things i wish he hadn’t, including me crying after i spoke to his dad more than once.
my ex came to pick up our kids a few days ago. he told me he wasn’t going to let me take the kids to see my parents even though he previously agreed. i was pretty much begging him to change his mind when our son walked in. he started yelling at his dad to stop being mean to me and saying he didn’t like him anymore.
i didn’t say anything because i was in shock as my son has never spoken to his dad like that before and knows he shouldn’t. even my ex was shocked but he recovered quicker than me and told our son he wasn’t being mean to me. he tried to get me to agree with him but i was still so shocked i didn’t say anything which upset my son more.
our son wouldn’t go with his dad and my ex blames me because he thinks i’m trying to turn our kids against him which isn’t true. he said i should’ve said something and told me i was bullshitting when i told him i was just shocked.
aita?
| 1,751
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3513r/aita_for_not_saying_anything_when_my_6yearold/
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2022-11-24 00:13:37
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esh. you are the parents here. stop involving your child in your squabbles. you are alienating him by leading him to believe that his father is being mean or unkind to you when he is around you to see the fights/debates/crying/whatever.
your son should be hearing the absolute minimum of what is going on between you two re: disagreements. the kind where you are crying or raising voices should 100% not be happening in the vicinity of your son.
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here’s a question, and i want you to think about it and be honest with yourself when you answer:
was your ex being mean to you?
if he was, then your son was right. right now you’re actively showing your son how adults handle extreme domestic conflict. if you’d shut him down for defending you against meanness… what kind of lesson would that have been?
nta.
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i see the comments are already all over the board and this post is fresh.
from the details here i'm going with nta, but you do need to figure out a mediation/court plan. there are apps like talkingparents for tracking these conversations as him agreeing then at the last minute changing his mind is usually frowned on in court. mediation and an app like that will help you keep it away from your son so he gets less trauma (and yes, of course therapy for him would be smart). i'm not going to call you an ah based on what's written here, and if he's as abusive as he sounds that adds a whole extra layer of confusion to your situation... but if it's closing in on a year you should be locking this down and getting your long term game plan in place to protect all of you, which will also in many ways protect your ex as well.
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**yta** you've been too immersed in your own issues to see what's been happening to your son. you and your ex need to clean up your act, maybe even consider some family counseling with your 6-year old.
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nta
jesus christ. people here live in some lala land where there’s a complete wall between parents and their children. a child will pick up on what’s going on.
more so, shes a human. sometimes people cry, especially if they’re being treated like garbage. i had pretty much a perfect childhood but i still could pick up on when something was impacting my parents. if her husband is reneging on previous agreements, treating her like shit, and so, her son will pick up on it. he will hear snippets of calls and no matter how hard she tries to hide it, he will witness his dad be a dick.
op you need to work with a lawyer and the courts to get a better custody and parental order set up. this is not healthy for you or your son. if a court order can make this better please pursue it. you and your son need a better reality.
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esh. stop having these arguments where your son might overhear them or walk in. and if you know you're likely to get emotional after talking to your ex, make sure you have the space to process it before you see your son.
i don't think you need to tell your son that your ex wasn't being mean to you, but i think you should apologize that he had to see that and reassure him that he doesn't need to take sides or stop conflicts between his parents
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nta, your ex *was* being mean to you - and is *continuing* to be mean to you by not believing that you didn't say anything in the moment because you were in shock.
yes, it's not good for kids to see their parents fight, but it doesn't sound like you are starting fights on purpose - your ex started the fight by not upholding his promise to you.
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nta — sorry you’re in a bad situation. if your ex is a decent guy and not an abusive asshole, try not put your son in a situation where he feels like he has to protect you bc it’s all sorts of stressful to grow up like that. highly suggest 1) therapy 2) mediation to iron out whatever custody agreement you have or need so that these problems won’t need to be vocalized in future. best of luck!!!
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esh for putting your 6 year old in a position to get involved in your custody issues. that’s not a conversation to have anywhere near your 6 year old.
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nta. your son is, at a very young age, making his wishes known. you and your ex would be wise to listen to him.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.341285
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the last year has been rough for our 6-year-old as his entire life has been upended as i left his dad. things haven’t been civil between my ex and myself… our son has seen things i wish he hadn’t, including me crying after i spoke to his dad more than once. my ex came to pick up our kids a few days ago. he told me he wasn’t going to let me take the kids to see my parents even though he previously agreed. i was pretty much begging him to change his mind when our son walked in. he started yelling at his dad to stop being mean to me and saying he didn’t like him anymore. i didn’t say anything because i was in shock as my son has never spoken to his dad like that before and knows he shouldn’t. even my ex was shocked but he recovered quicker than me and told our son he wasn’t being mean to me. he tried to get me to agree with him but i was still so shocked i didn’t say anything which upset my son more. our son wouldn’t go with his dad and my ex blames me because he thinks i’m trying to turn our kids against him which isn’t true. he said i should’ve said something and told me i was bullshitting when i told him i was just shocked. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the last year has been rough for our 6-year-old as his entire life has been upended as i left his dad. things haven’t been civil between my ex and myself… our son has seen things i wish he hadn’t, including me crying after i spoke to his dad more than once. my ex came to pick up our kids a few days ago. he told me he wasn’t going to let me take the kids to see my parents even though he previously agreed. i was pretty much begging him to change his mind when our son walked in. he started yelling at his dad to stop being mean to me and saying he didn’t like him anymore. i didn’t say anything because i was in shock as my son has never spoken to his dad like that before and knows he shouldn’t. even my ex was shocked but he recovered quicker than me and told our son he wasn’t being mean to me. he tried to get me to agree with him but i was still so shocked i didn’t say anything which upset my son more. our son wouldn’t go with his dad and my ex blames me because he thinks i’m trying to turn our kids against him which isn’t true. he said i should’ve said something and told me i was bullshitting when i told him i was just shocked. aita? [/INST] esh. you are the parents here. stop involving your child in your squabbles. you are alienating him by leading him to believe that his father is being mean or unkind to you when he is around you to see the fights/debates/crying/whatever. your son should be hearing the absolute minimum of what is going on between you two re: disagreements. the kind where you are crying or raising voices should 100% not be happening in the vicinity of your son. </s>
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AITA for correcting my fiancée's friend when she said she was the reason my wife and I are together
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i met my partner (kat) a year ago, my friend (dan) was dating her friend (meg) at the time and we met through them. or more accurately, dan knew i was having a hard time with women so he really talked me up which led to kat asking me out herself. she makes me so unbelievably happy that i popped the question on our anniversary, and thankfully she said yes.
meg obviously doesn't like me. dan has confirmed this and kat has admitted that, when we first started dating, meg was actively trying to get her to break up with me. i'm obviously glad my fiancé ignored her at the time but the idea of it still annoys me. we were having a get together to celebrate our engagement with some of our friends / family when i overhear meg bragging to some of my stepsiblings that she introduced us and so, hardy har, in a way she's the reason everyone was there. i went up to the group and told them the full truth, making things awkward enough that meg made up an excuse to go home early.
my fiancé is upset with me. she doesn't think i should have confronted meg so openly and make our guests uncomfortable over a minor white lie, she doesn't expect me to apologize but she wants me to promise not to do something like that again. i'm still not convinced i was in the wrong though.
aita
| 1,525
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ods32n/aita_for_correcting_my_fiancées_friend_when_she/
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2021-07-04 20:13:15
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esh. except the fiance and dan.
sometimes you just gotta let things go. the only thing you accomplished is making people uncomfortable at a group event that was supposed to be celebrating your love for your fiancee. she was lying, yes, but what were you hoping to gain other than make her uncomfortable and dislike you even more?
you were both assholes.
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esh apart form your fiancée, and on balance you _slightly_ less. you could have confronted her privately, or decided to be the bigger person and let it go, but you made a scene and made things awkward. meg sounds pretty awful, so i can see why you were annoyed, but at a party isn’t the right time.
|
esh
if it was anyone else you’d have probably laughed it off, but because you know she doesn’t like you (and it’s mutual) you took a fairly aggressive line.
absolutely she is out of line for trying to actively undermine your relationship but her lie was pretty innocuous.
the issue here is that it was your engagement party - it’d be nice to avoid drama on that occasion.
i think your fiancée has nailed it.
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difficult one. while she is ta for trying to break you up, and you are nta for correcting her, the way you did it might be a bit over the top, especially if it ruined the people's day.
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nta. meg was trying to take credit for your happiness, even though she had a history of trying to sabotage your happiness. she chose the public setting for her lie, you ended it.
|
esh
its weird that she wants to take credit for your relationship and lied about it, but you immediately walking right up to her and correcting her in front of everyone definitely would make them feel awkward. your fiancee is right, it was a minor lie.
besides, if it bothered you that much, its not like you didnt have an opportunity to let the person she was bragging to know the truth. you said they were your step sibling, why wouldnt you just wait until you were alone with them later?
if the answer to that is “because it wasnt important enough to bring up later” well, then you shouldnt need to do it in the moment either.
you can dislike your fiancee’s friend, but you cant actively embarrass her. she is still your fiancee’s friend. of course she is angry with you
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nta - i feel no sorrow for liars who get their comeuppance. she was right to leave because was being a self centered ah trying to gain notoriety that she didn't deserve.
she won't try that crap again. sometimes popping the balloon is the right thing to do.
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yta. you wrote that meg was actively against the relationship at the beginning not that she is against it currently (congratulations, you've probably changed that). so what if she didn't like the relationship at the start? maybe she didn't think you were a good match for her friend. guess what, maybe you weren't. meg isn't obligated to think you're the perfect partner for her friend. perhaps her skepticism had basis in fact.
since you pulled a stunt like this at your engagement party, you're obviously a bit of an ass. rather than celebrate the fact that you changed meg's mind and she's happy about the marriage, you chose the opposite and reacted with anger over a white lie. (could your behavior be a reason why meg didn't support the two of you dating?) i'm not saying you couldn't call meg out, but why use anger? humor would have worked. why not say something like "well, meg wasn't too sure about me in the beginning, but i changed her mind."
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yta tbh because even though she didn’t introduce you guys you got to know kat because she was meg’s friend and your friend set you up but she played a part in it obviously she didn’t like you yes but by telling the truth you made everyone uncomfortable at a party because you wanted to prove a point over old beef
|
esh
the biggest issue is that this looks like it hasn’t been addressed before the party. i personally don’t see myself staying friends or in the same orbit as someone that tried to sabotage any of my relationships regardless if they ended up working or not.
everyone involved needed to have addressed this bc everyone is in close relationship with both her and you.
if things had been discussed, meg would have known she already messed up and been more aware of how to approach things. also, your resentment wouldn’t have reached a point to make a scene.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.560811
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met my partner (kat) a year ago, my friend (dan) was dating her friend (meg) at the time and we met through them. or more accurately, dan knew i was having a hard time with women so he really talked me up which led to kat asking me out herself. she makes me so unbelievably happy that i popped the question on our anniversary, and thankfully she said yes. meg obviously doesn't like me. dan has confirmed this and kat has admitted that, when we first started dating, meg was actively trying to get her to break up with me. i'm obviously glad my fiancé ignored her at the time but the idea of it still annoys me. we were having a get together to celebrate our engagement with some of our friends / family when i overhear meg bragging to some of my stepsiblings that she introduced us and so, hardy har, in a way she's the reason everyone was there. i went up to the group and told them the full truth, making things awkward enough that meg made up an excuse to go home early. my fiancé is upset with me. she doesn't think i should have confronted meg so openly and make our guests uncomfortable over a minor white lie, she doesn't expect me to apologize but she wants me to promise not to do something like that again. i'm still not convinced i was in the wrong though. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i met my partner (kat) a year ago, my friend (dan) was dating her friend (meg) at the time and we met through them. or more accurately, dan knew i was having a hard time with women so he really talked me up which led to kat asking me out herself. she makes me so unbelievably happy that i popped the question on our anniversary, and thankfully she said yes. meg obviously doesn't like me. dan has confirmed this and kat has admitted that, when we first started dating, meg was actively trying to get her to break up with me. i'm obviously glad my fiancé ignored her at the time but the idea of it still annoys me. we were having a get together to celebrate our engagement with some of our friends / family when i overhear meg bragging to some of my stepsiblings that she introduced us and so, hardy har, in a way she's the reason everyone was there. i went up to the group and told them the full truth, making things awkward enough that meg made up an excuse to go home early. my fiancé is upset with me. she doesn't think i should have confronted meg so openly and make our guests uncomfortable over a minor white lie, she doesn't expect me to apologize but she wants me to promise not to do something like that again. i'm still not convinced i was in the wrong though. aita [/INST] esh. except the fiance and dan. sometimes you just gotta let things go. the only thing you accomplished is making people uncomfortable at a group event that was supposed to be celebrating your love for your fiancee. she was lying, yes, but what were you hoping to gain other than make her uncomfortable and dislike you even more? you were both assholes. </s>
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AITA For telling my younger brother he needs to find somewhere else to live?
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my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother.
my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently.
my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it.
however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened.
we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore.
my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita?
| 8,130
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdi912/aita_for_telling_my_younger_brother_he_needs_to/
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2022-01-26 22:25:20
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yta.
1) first offense.
2) nothing happened and there is no reason to believe anything would. so what if he had one friend over: if he wasn't acting inappropriately there's no risk to your girls.
3) he's 16? and you make him pay for all your groceries, and his, and also give free childcare...? wow, pat yourself on the back there. not. but yta if you kick him out.
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yta.
you're kicking out an already traumatized, disowned 16 year old for a first offense. and that's after you've been charging said 16 year old rent and making him work as your babysitter in order to have a place to stay when your parents would have seen him homeless for something he can't change about himself.
i'm really curious how you could possibly think you're not be the asshole here.
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yta. that's pretty harsh for a 16 year old, who hasn't broken that rule before, whose partner just found out something devastating.
perhaps he could have shot you a text as a heads up, but kicking him out with nowhere else to go could ruin not just your relationship with him, but might destabilize him for life. time for a rule revisit.
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yta
i understand your concern, but you're overreacting.
he's sixteen, and he pays rent (all groceries for 5 people is a considerable amount), plus he's doing child care frequently, which is considerable value too.
despite this he does not have any visitation rights, which is unusual.
i totally understand wanting to protect your kids.
he may not even have thought he broke your rule, since his boyfriend was on the couch and not with your kids. while that wasn't what you meant, what you say here would arguably make him in compliance with your rule.
and even if he broke the rule, it's once. you have reason to believe it's a first offense since he called first, and your daughters have never told you about any earlier transgressions.
plus his boyfriend's parents just announced a divorce, that is a major crisis of a scale that happens less than once in a decade. not exactly run-of-the-mill stuff.
all in all, i think you need to make up your mind on how to treat him. you've set restrictions on him (no visitors, no parties) that are akin to treating him like a child or a young teenager. but you've made demands on him (paying groceries and work as babysitter for rent) that is more in line with treating him like an adult.
and the "first offense and you're out" is harsh even by adult standards.
honestly, i know you're trying to do the right thing here by taking care of your kids first and your brother too if you can, but i genuinely think you underestimate how much your brother means to your kids. i doubt he's just a babysitter to them, so while you need to maintain order and limit his friends' visits while you're away, i recommend you try to help nurture their relationship as long as it can be healthy for all of them.
i recommend you let your brother stay. and to help him get over this exacerbation of his abandonment trauma, i strongly recommend apologizing to him over this.
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yta. you're telling us all that your little brother has no risk of being homeless, but he's *16*, his parents *disowned* him, and he is 16 years old.
there is no scenario here where you aren't ta.
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some people are being too soft on you, this is a hard yta. your brother is only 16 years old, a kid. he has also gone through one of the most traumatic experiences a kid can go through, being kicked out by fucking terrible parents just for who he is. even after that, he sounds like a great kid, especially if he’s good on paying rent to you (i wouldn’t charge my siblings rent in that situation) and is taking care of your kids. one singular emergency situation in which he breaks the rules to be a good boyfriend is enough for you to leave him on the streets? do you know the statistics for homeless lgbtq+ youth out there? your husband is so right and you’re a massive ah.
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yta. you put yourself in a place where you’ve taken over the care of another child, even if it is your brother.
in the future, when your children turn 16, do you plan for them to pay you in order to live in your home? if you feel disrespected, are you going to demand they move out?
if the answer is no, reconsider how you treat your brother. if the answer is yes, then you can go hang out with your parents in the “criminal child abandonment” dungeon.
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yta.
despite being a kid, you charge him rent which he pays. you say you can’t afford another person so that’s why, yet he’s saving you in child care. do you pay him for that? he’s responsible enough to save $15,000. he watches your kids for you. he hasn’t had any prior issues with rule breaking that you absolutely are sure of.
his boyfriend had a traumatizing experience and instead of making an exception you kick your brother out?
you don’t know if he’s had prior people over period and you are punishing him for perceived bad acts that can’t be proven.
is there something wrong with his boyfriend? or just because you don’t know him? or is because he’s gay? surely your brother has enough sense to ensure your kids are safe. if he doesn’t, then why do you leave them with him? you either trust his judgment or you don’t.
if you gave a crap about your brother, you’d make an exception and let him stay. if you want to punish him for having his boyfriend over without permission then make the punishment actually fit the crime. and maybe get to know you brother and his boyfriend so you feel comfortable with him in the house.
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yta- your brother needs a loving home, not a place to pay rent and nanny. he’s a kid trying to learn how to have friends and be a good partner, and now you are kicking him out too? how sad for him.
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info: what are you afraid will happen to your daughters?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother. my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently. my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it. however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened. we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore. my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother. my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently. my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it. however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened. we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore. my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita? [/INST] yta. 1) first offense. 2) nothing happened and there is no reason to believe anything would. so what if he had one friend over: if he wasn't acting inappropriately there's no risk to your girls. 3) he's 16? and you make him pay for all your groceries, and his, and also give free childcare...? wow, pat yourself on the back there. not. but yta if you kick him out. </s>
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AITA firmly telling my husband that I won't agree to invite his friend's widow to our christmas dinner?
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my husband's friend passed away months ago. leaving behind his widow wife. my husband considered him a brother and so he began offering help to his widow and showing up literally every weekend (that's when he's off work) to help her with everything.
it didn't bother me...i mean not much but still. now he told me that it'd be nice if we invite her to christmas dinner with us since she has no family and other friends are busy. i refused but he insisted saying it'd mean so much to her especially since this is her first christmas without her husband and we should comfort her. i refused and said that it's supposed to be a family celebration and my family will show up so there's enough amount of guests already but he said she the one who needs this family atmesphere the most. i snapped and firmly told him i will not agree to let him invite her to christmas dinner with us and he needed to drop it cause it made me uncomfortable.
he argued then started sulking about it saying that i was being cruel for no reason and that he wasn't asking for much. just an extra chair/plate for her. but i said it will be awkward for me and my family especially since we're not so close.
aita?
| 12,798
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh7t57/aita_firmly_telling_my_husband_that_i_wont_agree/
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2022-12-09 20:28:56
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info: have you clearly communicated to your husband how much you deeply resent him spending time with this woman? because that seems to be the larger issue here to me.
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there are two issues here.
1) how much of a priority is your husband making this person? is he still tending to his own marriage?
2) would you invite any other friend without a place to go for dinner?
the second i can't see the harm in. you're having people over, so one extra isn't a huge deal.
but. refer to question one. is your husband going to treat her as a normal guest, or is he going to spend the entire dinner catering to her?
this deserves heartfelt and honest discussion between you two. no judgement.
edit to change one word
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okay, take a deep breath. how much time is your husband around to help you at home? to spend time with you? v. how much time is he spending with widow?
cuz yeah, we get it your jealous. and that's a conversation to have with your husband. that he needs to remember that he's married to you. and that yes, it's said that her husband died but that doesn't mean that he needs to be there for the widow all of the time.
that said, it's a holiday. it's perfectly normal to invite people who don't have a place to go to join you in your home. if it has something specific to do with you and your family's issues- it may be reasonable but you're gonna need more than "my family isn't close." (than why are you hosting them for christmas.)
info
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yta
mainly because you're directing your feelings about this onto the invite instead of the truth: you don't like how much he's helping her/how close he is with her. that's the real issue here, not the invite, so address it directly. if you think something shady is going on, not inviting her to christmas doesn't fix anything.
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jesus christ, do you watch christmas movies and sympathize with the bad guy?
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info
> other friends are busy
like... with christmas dinners *of their own*? that they could invite her to?
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yta: maybe you're missing that it's possible your husband want her around because it's also his first christmas without his best friend. that maybe having his wife there can help him cope that someone he loved is no long here.
but yea forget that we need to focus on you and your family.
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yta
you’re missing the spirit of the holiday.
what if it were your close friend? i’d hope you’d extend an invite.
cripes. i used to invite my husband’s ex wife and her mother to our holiday meals as they had nowhere to go really. same with the lady who owned the barn i leased whose kids were far away. and the guys who couldn’t get leave to go home when we were with the military.
some of my fave holidays have included people i barely knew.
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[removed]
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sooo....have you told your husband that you think he's banging the widow yet?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband's friend passed away months ago. leaving behind his widow wife. my husband considered him a brother and so he began offering help to his widow and showing up literally every weekend (that's when he's off work) to help her with everything. it didn't bother me...i mean not much but still. now he told me that it'd be nice if we invite her to christmas dinner with us since she has no family and other friends are busy. i refused but he insisted saying it'd mean so much to her especially since this is her first christmas without her husband and we should comfort her. i refused and said that it's supposed to be a family celebration and my family will show up so there's enough amount of guests already but he said she the one who needs this family atmesphere the most. i snapped and firmly told him i will not agree to let him invite her to christmas dinner with us and he needed to drop it cause it made me uncomfortable. he argued then started sulking about it saying that i was being cruel for no reason and that he wasn't asking for much. just an extra chair/plate for her. but i said it will be awkward for me and my family especially since we're not so close. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband's friend passed away months ago. leaving behind his widow wife. my husband considered him a brother and so he began offering help to his widow and showing up literally every weekend (that's when he's off work) to help her with everything. it didn't bother me...i mean not much but still. now he told me that it'd be nice if we invite her to christmas dinner with us since she has no family and other friends are busy. i refused but he insisted saying it'd mean so much to her especially since this is her first christmas without her husband and we should comfort her. i refused and said that it's supposed to be a family celebration and my family will show up so there's enough amount of guests already but he said she the one who needs this family atmesphere the most. i snapped and firmly told him i will not agree to let him invite her to christmas dinner with us and he needed to drop it cause it made me uncomfortable. he argued then started sulking about it saying that i was being cruel for no reason and that he wasn't asking for much. just an extra chair/plate for her. but i said it will be awkward for me and my family especially since we're not so close. aita? [/INST] info: have you clearly communicated to your husband how much you deeply resent him spending time with this woman? because that seems to be the larger issue here to me. </s>
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AITA for showing no sympathy to my daughter through a difficult time?
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hi all.
my daughter elly is great. she is very pretty, smart and has lots of friends. she received her a level grades recently and they were excellent, and she got into a very selective university to study economics. i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit. that's not to say we let her run wild or that she's a troublemaker or that we don't punish her if she messes up, but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants.
elly went to a party on saturday. we got a call from one of her friends at about 4am in the morning saying elly was in the hospital and we needed to come quickly.
we got there and she had a broken ankle. apparently after the party elly and several friends were drunk and went to a nearby railway track to hang out. they were having fun until elly slipped/tripped on the uneven surface and fell over. it hurt too much to walk on and one of her friends had to call an ambulance.
elly was taken to hospital where she was treated. it will be a while before she can walk again however.
the police also showed up to question her, firstly because trespassing on the railway is illegal, but also because she was found with drugs in her handbag, enough for it to be considered ''intent to supply'', which it wasn't. it was just her and her friends stuff for the night. she was arrested and charged. her friends also took the trespass charge but only elly was charged for the drugs.
we will, of course, get her a lawyer and make the best effort to get her to be treated leniently. she will be pleading guilty since the evidence is obvious. there is potential for her to get time in prison, but realistically she will likely get off with a fine since she has not been in any trouble before. her university offer has been withdrawn, but since her grades were so good she got a place at a lesser ranking uni fairly soon after.
however, we have shown her absolutely no sympathy for this. since she has been at home on crutches she has been increasingly demanding of us, asking her to buy her a new phone, new clothes, etc, and asked for her a new handbag since her current one was damaged when she fell. we have refused repeatedly. she is constantly demanding that me or her dad bring her food or snacks and has even asked us to go to the shop for her.
elly has been crying, saying we don't care about the fact that she has been hurt, or that she's terrified for the outcome of her court case. we've both said that she got herself into that situation. she didn't have to go to the railway or do drugs. she chose to put herself in that situation, so we shouldn't have to pay for the outcome.
elly has been crying and saying we are bad parents, but i think we are doing the right thing in showing her the consequences of her actions.
| 2,949
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cw34du/aita_for_showing_no_sympathy_to_my_daughter/
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2019-08-27 11:30:38
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esh
clearly she is an ah for being an apparently smart kid who did something so dumb (and illegal), and now being demanding and acting like a spoiled brat.
*but you raised her that way*.
> i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit... but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants.
i'm glad you're now holding her to account. it is necessary.
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esh. you spoiled her to the point where she thinks holding drugs for her friends is a good idea (if that story is even true) and now you are upset that she’s acting spoiled.
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[deleted]
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yta - am i having a stroke? or am i actually reading your story and the following comments correctly?
i am absolutely horrified by your behaviour and decisions you have made with your daughter in this situation. i am disgusted that people believe this is how this poor girl should be treated for a non-violent act. i don't even know where to begin.
spoiling her and it resulting in her materialistic requests are a whole other story; therefore, not related to this one at all.
yes, elly made a mistake. yes, she had drugs on her, which you claimed she was just holding everyone's in one stash with no intent to sell and i believe that, and yes, she trespassed onto a railroad, but nothing she has done fits her abusive punishment you are inflicting.
she is young and going to make mistakes. are the mistakes she made that night not at all forgivable or relatable? like what the hell? this is such a normal teenager thing to do. she would have to actually do something morally wrong or violent to match this punishment. for example, to not even bring her food when she cannot walk and is in pain is horrific.
"elly has been crying, saying we don't care about the fact that she has been hurt, or that she's terrified for the outcome of her court case." you say that as if she's accusing you of not caring as if it weren't true, when in reality, 100% you dont care she's been hurt or that she's terrified of her disproportional punishment because you believe it's what she deserves. like you said in the title, you're not being sympathetic.
i believe there should be consequences, especially once she's healed, but not the consequences of having disconnected parents. it is actually possible to give sympathy, listen to your daughter, and teach her an important lesson at the same time.
she didn't choose to put herself in this situation, you did.
you should be ashamed of your actions.
if you continue parenting with no love or understanding of what it's like to be a teenager, i swear to you, those will be greater consequences then the ones you are inflicting now on your daughter.
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nta - not at all. it seems like it’s time she learnt about consequences and you’re doing the right thing. by all means help her stay out of jail but don’t let her push you around anymore!
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esh
she made a mistake. it happens when you're young and if the "drugs" are like weed or something minor like that it's also pretty common. she's probably in pain from her ankle and the fact she lost a great university offer; i can understand why she's looking for sympathy. actually, she's probably looking for empathy from you, not sympathy.
anyway, i don't think you should be this cold to your daughter for the mistake. i also think it's your own fault. you start by saying
>i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit. that's not to say we let her run wild or that she's a troublemaker or that we don't punish her if she messes up, but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants.
what did you expect here? you've made your own daughter spoiled & entitled and now are shocked she's still demanding things after the problem. you can't parent on cruise control her entire life and now since it's serious pretend you have a spine.
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esh. your daughter for obvious reason. you for raising her this way and saying ‘well sucks to be you’
there’s a way to be empathetic while also ackolwedging that she’s fucked up.
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yta
kid/young adult does something stupid without thinking of the consequences and you're basically holding your nose up at her. this is a scary situation even for an adult and the person who is supposed to help them through that moment is basically saying "lol deal with it" while also trying to actively get her out of the consequences of her actions. sounds like the actual consequences of her actions are just her parents withholding their approval. you're telling her you shouldn't have to pay for the outcome, yet you are paying for the outcome and just treating her like shit for messing up. she's been "perfect" up until this moment, why are you being so harsh on her?
asking to be spoiled you can absolutely tell her no, but it sounds to be like the only reason why you're saying no is because the spoiling is conditional on her behavior, instead of the fact that you should've never been spoiling her in the first place.
also, pleading guilty is literally the dumbest thing she could do right now.
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nta we're talking about an eighteen-year-old here (unless she sat her a-levels early) yet she's acting like a naughty twelve-year-old by hanging around train tracks. does she not know that this behaviour is a risk to any job and/or uni application she makes? i wouldn't sympathise with her either. time for her to grow up.
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nta. ellie is an idiot
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.639132
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. my daughter elly is great. she is very pretty, smart and has lots of friends. she received her a level grades recently and they were excellent, and she got into a very selective university to study economics. i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit. that's not to say we let her run wild or that she's a troublemaker or that we don't punish her if she messes up, but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants. elly went to a party on saturday. we got a call from one of her friends at about 4am in the morning saying elly was in the hospital and we needed to come quickly. we got there and she had a broken ankle. apparently after the party elly and several friends were drunk and went to a nearby railway track to hang out. they were having fun until elly slipped/tripped on the uneven surface and fell over. it hurt too much to walk on and one of her friends had to call an ambulance. elly was taken to hospital where she was treated. it will be a while before she can walk again however. the police also showed up to question her, firstly because trespassing on the railway is illegal, but also because she was found with drugs in her handbag, enough for it to be considered ''intent to supply'', which it wasn't. it was just her and her friends stuff for the night. she was arrested and charged. her friends also took the trespass charge but only elly was charged for the drugs. we will, of course, get her a lawyer and make the best effort to get her to be treated leniently. she will be pleading guilty since the evidence is obvious. there is potential for her to get time in prison, but realistically she will likely get off with a fine since she has not been in any trouble before. her university offer has been withdrawn, but since her grades were so good she got a place at a lesser ranking uni fairly soon after. however, we have shown her absolutely no sympathy for this. since she has been at home on crutches she has been increasingly demanding of us, asking her to buy her a new phone, new clothes, etc, and asked for her a new handbag since her current one was damaged when she fell. we have refused repeatedly. she is constantly demanding that me or her dad bring her food or snacks and has even asked us to go to the shop for her. elly has been crying, saying we don't care about the fact that she has been hurt, or that she's terrified for the outcome of her court case. we've both said that she got herself into that situation. she didn't have to go to the railway or do drugs. she chose to put herself in that situation, so we shouldn't have to pay for the outcome. elly has been crying and saying we are bad parents, but i think we are doing the right thing in showing her the consequences of her actions.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all. my daughter elly is great. she is very pretty, smart and has lots of friends. she received her a level grades recently and they were excellent, and she got into a very selective university to study economics. i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit. that's not to say we let her run wild or that she's a troublemaker or that we don't punish her if she messes up, but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants. elly went to a party on saturday. we got a call from one of her friends at about 4am in the morning saying elly was in the hospital and we needed to come quickly. we got there and she had a broken ankle. apparently after the party elly and several friends were drunk and went to a nearby railway track to hang out. they were having fun until elly slipped/tripped on the uneven surface and fell over. it hurt too much to walk on and one of her friends had to call an ambulance. elly was taken to hospital where she was treated. it will be a while before she can walk again however. the police also showed up to question her, firstly because trespassing on the railway is illegal, but also because she was found with drugs in her handbag, enough for it to be considered ''intent to supply'', which it wasn't. it was just her and her friends stuff for the night. she was arrested and charged. her friends also took the trespass charge but only elly was charged for the drugs. we will, of course, get her a lawyer and make the best effort to get her to be treated leniently. she will be pleading guilty since the evidence is obvious. there is potential for her to get time in prison, but realistically she will likely get off with a fine since she has not been in any trouble before. her university offer has been withdrawn, but since her grades were so good she got a place at a lesser ranking uni fairly soon after. however, we have shown her absolutely no sympathy for this. since she has been at home on crutches she has been increasingly demanding of us, asking her to buy her a new phone, new clothes, etc, and asked for her a new handbag since her current one was damaged when she fell. we have refused repeatedly. she is constantly demanding that me or her dad bring her food or snacks and has even asked us to go to the shop for her. elly has been crying, saying we don't care about the fact that she has been hurt, or that she's terrified for the outcome of her court case. we've both said that she got herself into that situation. she didn't have to go to the railway or do drugs. she chose to put herself in that situation, so we shouldn't have to pay for the outcome. elly has been crying and saying we are bad parents, but i think we are doing the right thing in showing her the consequences of her actions. [/INST] esh clearly she is an ah for being an apparently smart kid who did something so dumb (and illegal), and now being demanding and acting like a spoiled brat. *but you raised her that way*. > i'll be honest, we do spoil her quite a bit... but at the same time she does know how to get what she wants. i'm glad you're now holding her to account. it is necessary. </s>
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AITA for giving MIL's husband a juice box?
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we are currently visiting my husband's mom who we haven't seen in 5 years. we decided to do a small trip so she could meet the kids and we could all catch up and because we felt slightly bad for not going to her wedding. mil did warn us ahead of time that her husband, who we've never met, has a very hard time with kids, so don't take it personally if he needs to remove himself.
well he doesn't so much remove himself as sulk and compete with the kids. he seems to have a very hard time with sharing mils attention. whenever the kids interact with her, he has to rub his head all over her, cling to her, keep putting his mouth on her, etc. mil seems to feel bad for him and will rub his head like he is a dog.
she took some time off from work to visit us. he has been complaining that he misses her and he's lonely (they work together) mil apologized to him and rubbed his stupid head again. the kids were being a little loud the other day and i was trying to get them under control. he was sitting there sulking and mil asked why he seems so sad and he said he was lonely, so she had to go cuddle him and kept being like aww it's alright.
i find this really childish and off putting. today i was handing out juice boxes to my kids. he was whining to mil and i think he couldn't hear him, but he was whining about being snowed in with the kids and how he hates having to wear pants. mil was just petting his head because i think she legit thinks he is a dog. i went over and handed him a juice box.
he looked at me confused and i said well the adults were having coffee, so i thought the kids might want some juice. the room was really silent and it was uncomfortable. he asked mil if he had her blessing to go and dump the juice out in my luggage. she tried to diffuse but later told my husband that i'm rude.
| 8,585
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sm2qtz/aita_for_giving_mils_husband_a_juice_box/
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2022-02-06 17:49:59
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esh but i really really wanna give you n t a. how weird of him. does her husband have some sort of mental issue that would cause behavior like this?
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justifiable yta! i'd have done the same thing. how annoying. how old are your inlaws? i'm willing to bet after this. it may be even longer before you visit again.
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yta but funny as hell though. their relationship dynamic is none of your concern & what happens when they're alone seems to work for them or else mil wouldn't be married to him. she may like to feel needed & he gives her that by showing her that he needs her in his own way, even if it's weird as f*ck for you.
next time suggest mil come to your area & hopefully he'll act differently since you won't be impeding on his domain.
on another note though: if you honestly thought he was acting like a dog, why didn't you offer him a biscuit instead? dogs don't drink juice boxes.
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rude and hilarious!!!!!!
your mil underplayed his issues jjuuuuussst a little bit.
(do they have a fetish relationship?)
& nta
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yta but the kind i tend to like. lol.
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nta ewww why is a grown man acting like that. it sounds like some sort of fetish, one you and you’re *children* are not consenting to be apart of. that is so gross, i would have flipped a lot sooner.
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info: does the husband have any mental issues you are aware of?
otherwise this reeks of am infantile sub/dom kink
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yta but i think in this case it’s more than justified and pretty funny too.
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i don't wanna call you ta, ofc you could've handled it better but this made me laugh and i kinda love that you did that 😂
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nta - if someone acts like a child they should be treated as such. bravo! that man needs some therapy asap
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.612442
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we are currently visiting my husband's mom who we haven't seen in 5 years. we decided to do a small trip so she could meet the kids and we could all catch up and because we felt slightly bad for not going to her wedding. mil did warn us ahead of time that her husband, who we've never met, has a very hard time with kids, so don't take it personally if he needs to remove himself. well he doesn't so much remove himself as sulk and compete with the kids. he seems to have a very hard time with sharing mils attention. whenever the kids interact with her, he has to rub his head all over her, cling to her, keep putting his mouth on her, etc. mil seems to feel bad for him and will rub his head like he is a dog. she took some time off from work to visit us. he has been complaining that he misses her and he's lonely (they work together) mil apologized to him and rubbed his stupid head again. the kids were being a little loud the other day and i was trying to get them under control. he was sitting there sulking and mil asked why he seems so sad and he said he was lonely, so she had to go cuddle him and kept being like aww it's alright. i find this really childish and off putting. today i was handing out juice boxes to my kids. he was whining to mil and i think he couldn't hear him, but he was whining about being snowed in with the kids and how he hates having to wear pants. mil was just petting his head because i think she legit thinks he is a dog. i went over and handed him a juice box. he looked at me confused and i said well the adults were having coffee, so i thought the kids might want some juice. the room was really silent and it was uncomfortable. he asked mil if he had her blessing to go and dump the juice out in my luggage. she tried to diffuse but later told my husband that i'm rude.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we are currently visiting my husband's mom who we haven't seen in 5 years. we decided to do a small trip so she could meet the kids and we could all catch up and because we felt slightly bad for not going to her wedding. mil did warn us ahead of time that her husband, who we've never met, has a very hard time with kids, so don't take it personally if he needs to remove himself. well he doesn't so much remove himself as sulk and compete with the kids. he seems to have a very hard time with sharing mils attention. whenever the kids interact with her, he has to rub his head all over her, cling to her, keep putting his mouth on her, etc. mil seems to feel bad for him and will rub his head like he is a dog. she took some time off from work to visit us. he has been complaining that he misses her and he's lonely (they work together) mil apologized to him and rubbed his stupid head again. the kids were being a little loud the other day and i was trying to get them under control. he was sitting there sulking and mil asked why he seems so sad and he said he was lonely, so she had to go cuddle him and kept being like aww it's alright. i find this really childish and off putting. today i was handing out juice boxes to my kids. he was whining to mil and i think he couldn't hear him, but he was whining about being snowed in with the kids and how he hates having to wear pants. mil was just petting his head because i think she legit thinks he is a dog. i went over and handed him a juice box. he looked at me confused and i said well the adults were having coffee, so i thought the kids might want some juice. the room was really silent and it was uncomfortable. he asked mil if he had her blessing to go and dump the juice out in my luggage. she tried to diffuse but later told my husband that i'm rude. [/INST] esh but i really really wanna give you n t a. how weird of him. does her husband have some sort of mental issue that would cause behavior like this? </s>
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AITA for trying to alter the dress code at my in laws Christmas and saying I would show up in sweats?
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i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner.
i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway.
this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom.
mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers.
my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back"
| 8,931
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkpmo5/aita_for_trying_to_alter_the_dress_code_at_my_in/
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2021-12-20 15:21:18
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yta kinda. it's her house, her family's tradition, and you should respect it. especially when it's just a dress code and not something going deeply against your religion and core values.
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yta, it’s not uncommon for families to make a bit of an effort appearance-wise for christmas dinner. also i don’t know why you’re surprised your mil thinks you went behind her back when that’s exactly what you did
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yta wtf. how would you feel if your husband crashed into your family and tried to change how they did christmas, and went so far as to speak to your brothers about it behind everyone’s backs and try to form an alliance against your parents?
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yta. it seems as though you are looking for drama with your mil.
* you state she doesn't like you, but actually you just don't *think* she does
* don't want to take her word about the love she has for her grandchildren. is that true or do you just an expectation of how you want her to act with them that is not being met?
* the fact that you talked about her to others, one of which straight-up told you that you're ruining christmas and the other not wanting drama, makes you come across as bratty/whiny
* she is putting the effort into a nice party for everyone - and everyone seems into the opportunity to have a chance to dress up and celebrate.
but you do you, wear the sweats.
make your point.
ruin the relationship.
and the party with your drama.
embarrass your husband.
it'll be so worth it. merry christmas.
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yta. you can dress in nice (and comfy!) clothing without taking part in whatever weird little competition you're convinced is going on. if you're that bothered by the mere idea of dressing up even a little, just stay home.
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yta. it's her house, gossiping is tacky and this is a really dumb hill to die on.
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yta
dressing nicely 1x every other year is stressing you out for months, so you want to wear sweatpants just to make a statement?
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yta. she's hosting, she gets to set the dress code. tbh, based on this it sounds like she's justified in disliking you, as you can't just politely show up and participate in family traditions but feel the need to whine and insult her and start drama. you called her holiday event a 'sad beauty pageant'-- you should be grateful you're still invited. grow up.
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yta if mil has a dress code for a party and you don't adhere to it. you can always decline the invitation and do your own thing.
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yta. seriously, purposefully showing up to an event, where people ask their guests to dress formally, in sweats simply is tacky, even if its hosted by family. you should respect their christmas tradition, especially if that tradition has been around longer than you. when you host something in your house, you can ask your guests to wear sweats/informal clothes. but by doing this, you will just embarrass yourself.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner. i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway. this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom. mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers. my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back"
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner. i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway. this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom. mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers. my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back" [/INST] yta kinda. it's her house, her family's tradition, and you should respect it. especially when it's just a dress code and not something going deeply against your religion and core values. </s>
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AITA for wanting to elope after my parents cut my wedding budget in half?
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i’m recently engaged and i’ve started planning my wedding. i’m the only girl and my parents make good money (about 450k yearly) so they’ve always said they’d pay for my wedding when i decide to get married. i set my budget around 25k and started getting estimates on venue, photographer, videographer, etc. my dad said the budget was 40k (which i knew i’d be way below) so i wouldn’t have to stress about diy-ing the whole thing and enjoy the planning process. my mom has consistently pushed me to cut corners and have a cheaper wedding and said she’d give me a few thousand as a gift if i do (note: my mom is notorious for backtracking on promises when it comes to money). my fiancé and i agree we’d rather have a nice, put together wedding than accept the gift(might i restate, she backtracks on these decisions last minute too often for me to trust it). my mom has also gotten estimates of how much her friends paid for their daughters weddings (all of which were over 25k) and agreed they could swing that financially.
the kicker here is after those two estimates were thrown out, my parents backtracked and gave me a final wedding budget of 20k. my mom is also pushing me to use vendors her friends used instead of me finding people my that fit my style (she wants a southern barn wedding, i like more modern elegance). i wouldn’t be so upset with them had the budget been 20k from the beginning but it seems as if they pulled that number out of thin air. they also created this budget after my mom spent 3000 on my dress and veil so i’m now left with 17k.
another issue i have is they have no problem buying baseball tickets for $200 piece and spending $100+ on dinner multiple nights a week. they also just bought one of my younger brothers a car (he’s in his junior year of college). my fiancé and i are long distance and will be until we’re married and when i told my mom i’d rather elope than dance around a wedding budget and not be able to enjoy my day, she flipped. she’s pretty much refusing to let me elope and when i told her to plan the wedding herself because she’s being so picky, she had a problem with that too.
i feel as if there’s no winning in this situation. quite frankly i just want to be married to the man i love instead of arguing over wedding budget with my parents.
| 4,966
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nr6qlw/aita_for_wanting_to_elope_after_my_parents_cut_my/
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2021-06-03 06:32:17
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esh.
sorry but you sound incredibly entitled whinging about your parents only giving you 20k for a single day event. that's an annual salary for some people.
your mum is being overly pushy which i can imagine is really annoying. if she offered to pay for a wedding as a gift then it should be yours to design.
if you want to elope then do it.
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"she’s pretty much refusing to let me elope"
lol. and how will she stop you?
nta at all. if you and your partner want to elope, then go for it. its about the two of you and noone else.
if other people are making the whole wedding thing into a nightmare of drama and bullshit, then eloping sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
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>my fiancé and i are long distance and will be until we’re married and when i told my mom i’d rather elope than dance around a wedding budget and not be able to enjoy my day, she flipped.
esh.
the question was, are you the asshole for *wanting* to elope because your dad gave you a 40k budget and then they backpedaled and set the budget at 20k? no, but this is kind of a shitty aita question. a better question would be "wibta for eloping" and the answer is no. you're an adult--if you elope, you elope. arguably not an asshole move. but that's not what the question was, and that's not what you did.
what you did was you *told your mom that you'd "rather elope"* because you don't like the wedding budget. that's ultimatum territory. that's "40k and i call the shots or i walk" territory. your parents are assholes here for being wishy washy about the budget, making it hard for you to actually do wedding planning. but you're the asshole too. the money they're giving you for your wedding is a gift based on the fact that they want to participate and contribute to your wedding, and you're leveraging that against them to get more. this is why people are normally cautioned to be careful about accepting big gifts and large amounts of money from family, because there are always strings attached. if your parents offer you 20k for the wedding, graciously accept it, and to get what you really want, pay the difference on your own.
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info: can't you pay for your own wedding? or just pad their budget with your money so you can have things you want that they don't want to pay for
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your family is very well-off, and $17,000 is an enormous amount of money for most people, so i don't think you're going to get a ton of sympathy here. but your mother sounds exhausting, and if i were in your position i would elope too. nta
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esh. it isn’t cool that your parents committed up to $40k then backpedaled to $20k, and it does sound like your mom can make planning difficult.
however, you said that you were confident that you could organize your wedding all-in for $25k, so you’re really talking about a difference of only $5k. you’re free to have whatever type of wedding you’d like, but on your parents’ dime, i don’t think it’s outrageous that your mom provided her input. if you don’t like it, then fine, by all means elope. to be clear- you’re not the ah for wanting to elope but rather your punitive motive for wanting to do so.
just because your parents can afford to contribute more doesn’t mean they’re obligated to do so. i’d argue that them buying a car for your brother is a more practical use of their money and it’s honestly none of your business. the real kicker is where you described your parents’ spending habits on entertainment and dates for themselves: “another issue i have is they have no problem buying baseball tickets for $200 piece and spending $100+ on dinners multiple nights a week.” why tf would this be an issue? they’ve earned the ability to enjoy their financial success and you have no right to judge their spending habits as if they were blowing money that should be used for your special day. lastly, threatening to scrap the whole event because you didn’t get your way is childish and manipulative. $20,000 is more than enough to have a lovely wedding and you and your partner could always contribute your own money (maybe your mom’s attempts to be frugal wouldn’t seem so ridiculous if you were spending your own money.)
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you and your fiancé should sneak down to the courthouse and make it happen.
then tell your parents to take their money and shove it.
you can’t imagine how liberating that feels.
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yta
20k is a very generous wedding budget, especially when its *someone else's money* you are spending.
they are under no obligation to pay for your wedding at all, many parents don't.
by complaining that you no longer get 40k, you come across as a bit entitled and spoilt.
however, i agree that just because they are paying, your parents should not be dictating the style of your wedding or how you organise it. just set the budget and leave it at that. also, what's to stop you contributing the extra for whatever else you want that is not within budget?
i also don't think you should be questioning them spending $200 on tickets and $100 on meals. you seem to be forgetting it is their money and they can spend it however they see fit!
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nta for eloping. however, e s h for your attitude because you sound entitled and ungrateful. your parents shouldn't keep changing your budget, because it makes planning difficult and your mother for trying to control your wedding. however, they said that they would pay for your wedding and they are keeping their word. instead of "threatening" to elope, you and your fiance could actually financially contribute to make up the difference in the budget.
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this whole situation is exhausting. you are grown adults. elope if you want to
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.675011
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m recently engaged and i’ve started planning my wedding. i’m the only girl and my parents make good money (about 450k yearly) so they’ve always said they’d pay for my wedding when i decide to get married. i set my budget around 25k and started getting estimates on venue, photographer, videographer, etc. my dad said the budget was 40k (which i knew i’d be way below) so i wouldn’t have to stress about diy-ing the whole thing and enjoy the planning process. my mom has consistently pushed me to cut corners and have a cheaper wedding and said she’d give me a few thousand as a gift if i do (note: my mom is notorious for backtracking on promises when it comes to money). my fiancé and i agree we’d rather have a nice, put together wedding than accept the gift(might i restate, she backtracks on these decisions last minute too often for me to trust it). my mom has also gotten estimates of how much her friends paid for their daughters weddings (all of which were over 25k) and agreed they could swing that financially. the kicker here is after those two estimates were thrown out, my parents backtracked and gave me a final wedding budget of 20k. my mom is also pushing me to use vendors her friends used instead of me finding people my that fit my style (she wants a southern barn wedding, i like more modern elegance). i wouldn’t be so upset with them had the budget been 20k from the beginning but it seems as if they pulled that number out of thin air. they also created this budget after my mom spent 3000 on my dress and veil so i’m now left with 17k. another issue i have is they have no problem buying baseball tickets for $200 piece and spending $100+ on dinner multiple nights a week. they also just bought one of my younger brothers a car (he’s in his junior year of college). my fiancé and i are long distance and will be until we’re married and when i told my mom i’d rather elope than dance around a wedding budget and not be able to enjoy my day, she flipped. she’s pretty much refusing to let me elope and when i told her to plan the wedding herself because she’s being so picky, she had a problem with that too. i feel as if there’s no winning in this situation. quite frankly i just want to be married to the man i love instead of arguing over wedding budget with my parents.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m recently engaged and i’ve started planning my wedding. i’m the only girl and my parents make good money (about 450k yearly) so they’ve always said they’d pay for my wedding when i decide to get married. i set my budget around 25k and started getting estimates on venue, photographer, videographer, etc. my dad said the budget was 40k (which i knew i’d be way below) so i wouldn’t have to stress about diy-ing the whole thing and enjoy the planning process. my mom has consistently pushed me to cut corners and have a cheaper wedding and said she’d give me a few thousand as a gift if i do (note: my mom is notorious for backtracking on promises when it comes to money). my fiancé and i agree we’d rather have a nice, put together wedding than accept the gift(might i restate, she backtracks on these decisions last minute too often for me to trust it). my mom has also gotten estimates of how much her friends paid for their daughters weddings (all of which were over 25k) and agreed they could swing that financially. the kicker here is after those two estimates were thrown out, my parents backtracked and gave me a final wedding budget of 20k. my mom is also pushing me to use vendors her friends used instead of me finding people my that fit my style (she wants a southern barn wedding, i like more modern elegance). i wouldn’t be so upset with them had the budget been 20k from the beginning but it seems as if they pulled that number out of thin air. they also created this budget after my mom spent 3000 on my dress and veil so i’m now left with 17k. another issue i have is they have no problem buying baseball tickets for $200 piece and spending $100+ on dinner multiple nights a week. they also just bought one of my younger brothers a car (he’s in his junior year of college). my fiancé and i are long distance and will be until we’re married and when i told my mom i’d rather elope than dance around a wedding budget and not be able to enjoy my day, she flipped. she’s pretty much refusing to let me elope and when i told her to plan the wedding herself because she’s being so picky, she had a problem with that too. i feel as if there’s no winning in this situation. quite frankly i just want to be married to the man i love instead of arguing over wedding budget with my parents. [/INST] esh. sorry but you sound incredibly entitled whinging about your parents only giving you 20k for a single day event. that's an annual salary for some people. your mum is being overly pushy which i can imagine is really annoying. if she offered to pay for a wedding as a gift then it should be yours to design. if you want to elope then do it. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to adopt my sister's kids?
|
before i start, i would respectfully ask you to consider the fact that i am still mourning and not speak ill about my sister.
my sister died 2 weeks ago of overdose. she had 2 children (2 and 5), fathers unknown.
because i am the closest family (one of our parents in jail, the other dead) i was expected to take guardianship. i dont want them to have any more trauma than they do already but i had never wanted kids. i am not good with nor like kids.
my cousin, who has kids of his own, proposed to take the guardianship instead (his wife is in board). i support that. that would give them both a father figure, other kids to play with, loving family.
but i feel like a horrible person. i would not feel so bad if it was a strictly practical solution. but i genuinely dont want them. for a moment i was horrified i would be forced to take them. my sister died and i dont even have the decency to want to take care of her kids.
am i a horrible human being?
| 9,393
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cj9au9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_adopt_my_sisters_kids/
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2019-07-29 10:13:29
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nah. the kids get a loving home in your family and don't have to go into the foster system. there is nothing horrible about you and your decision.
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nta but i’d hope you’d stay as a presence in their lives
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nah
it's far more important that they have a safe and happy home to grow up in than that they live with the absolute closest blood relative possible. it sounds like you are making the mature and rational decision here. if they were going into foster care, it would be different.
that being said, i'd like to suggest that you try to be there for them as they grow up. especially that you take the time to tell them about their mother, before the drugs.
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the kids need a loving stable family. if you can’t give them that, and someone else can, it would be cruel to anything other than allow them to go to your cousin. give them the most amazing gift that you can.
and be kind to yourself here - it’s fantastic that you are self aware enough and brave enough to see the reality of the situation. do not feel guilty, feel proud that you are putting them first.
condolences on your sister’s passing. what a terrible thing to happen. good luck to you all.
|
nah. you are being responsible. taking on kids that you don't want isn't doing anyone any favors. you would be miserable, and the kids would pick on that even if you tried to hide it. in fact, you would be pretty selfish to deprive these kids of a family life that you for a fact would be better than what you could provide for them.
edit, change from the not the asshole verdict because there really is no asshole here at all.
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nah. honestly it sounds like you'd be an asshole if you did take them. they can go to a loving home with two parents (i'm not saying single parents are bad, but these kids are probably going to need a lot support and the more loving adults the better) and other kids or they can go with someone who doesn't particularly want children and who might grow to resent the burden...seems like a fairly straight forward choice. you're not an asshole for not wanting kids...no one is. and being self aware enough to know your cousin is the better choice to take them, makes you a good aunt not a bad one.
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nah. you are not abandoning motherless children and putting them into in the foster system. they get to be in a good home with people you know. you haven't done anything wrong.
i'm so sorry about your sister.
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nah, i hope you'll be in their lives a little bit, as much as you can at least. i'm really sorry you lost your sister
|
i am sorry for your loss, and for the difficulties your family has faced.
it sounds like this is the best outcome for everyone.
nah
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nah. but i will join in asking you to be as involved as possible as their aunt. this will be tough for everyone involved, so whatever you can do will help.
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| 0.031039
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: before i start, i would respectfully ask you to consider the fact that i am still mourning and not speak ill about my sister. my sister died 2 weeks ago of overdose. she had 2 children (2 and 5), fathers unknown. because i am the closest family (one of our parents in jail, the other dead) i was expected to take guardianship. i dont want them to have any more trauma than they do already but i had never wanted kids. i am not good with nor like kids. my cousin, who has kids of his own, proposed to take the guardianship instead (his wife is in board). i support that. that would give them both a father figure, other kids to play with, loving family. but i feel like a horrible person. i would not feel so bad if it was a strictly practical solution. but i genuinely dont want them. for a moment i was horrified i would be forced to take them. my sister died and i dont even have the decency to want to take care of her kids. am i a horrible human being?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
before i start, i would respectfully ask you to consider the fact that i am still mourning and not speak ill about my sister. my sister died 2 weeks ago of overdose. she had 2 children (2 and 5), fathers unknown. because i am the closest family (one of our parents in jail, the other dead) i was expected to take guardianship. i dont want them to have any more trauma than they do already but i had never wanted kids. i am not good with nor like kids. my cousin, who has kids of his own, proposed to take the guardianship instead (his wife is in board). i support that. that would give them both a father figure, other kids to play with, loving family. but i feel like a horrible person. i would not feel so bad if it was a strictly practical solution. but i genuinely dont want them. for a moment i was horrified i would be forced to take them. my sister died and i dont even have the decency to want to take care of her kids. am i a horrible human being? [/INST] nah. the kids get a loving home in your family and don't have to go into the foster system. there is nothing horrible about you and your decision. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to share my business profit with my husband?
|
i f32 have a leg disability that got worse to the point i couod no longer work. so i stayed home with the kids for 4 years. i had plenty of free time after the kids became more indepandent and i found myself sitting around all day long. i have sewing hobby that i learned while living with my grandmother since i was 13. so i started spending my time sewing. my husband made a laughing stock out of me calling me 'granma" or "granny" and running with the jokes and teasing. it was unbearable but i ignored him.
anyway, a friend of mine saw some of my works and suggested i open an website and sell what i make. i was hasitant about it and my husband's opinion was "mehhh...who would want to buy granma's junk" but i asked my friend to help me and people really liked my works. they started buying them off of me which was shockingly amazing y'all. i started really investing into this and in one month i was able to make over 200-300$. it's been 3 months now into the business.
when money started coming my husband would ask me to buy something or make a restaurant resevation or even fix his car for him. when i refuse he'd say that i have money from my sewing business and should really pay. i decline every. single. time. he asks.
yesterday, he showed me a wrist watch online that he really liked and asked if i could pay for it. i said no because i have no money. he pointed out once again the money i have from my sewing business but i told him that the money was literally "none of his business". he blew up saying that i was being selfish and mean and said that the business profit should be split equally between both of us (i use caps because he yelled those words) not just me. i told him he not only mocked me for sewing he even doubted my potentials. besides that i do all the work so, why would he expect profit?!?. he said that he as my husband gets half and i should really consider it or stop the sewing thing alltogether. i laughed thinking he was messing around but he left the house then came back looking pissed.
his friend called to "scold" me reminding me that my husband already "does" enough for me to be able to find time to sew and so he desrves a precentage but i still refused. now he's family are pressuring me to share the money but i'm still refusing.
aita?
| 9,079
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xe6wch/aita_for_refusing_to_share_my_business_profit/
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2022-09-14 16:47:46
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esh. your husband sucks for belittling you and discouraging you. *but . . .*
i assume your husband works and has been bringing in an income that he used to pay for food and shelter. you got to share in that, didn't you? your husband may not deserve a "percentage," but you're supposed to be in this marriage together. it doesn't sound like you are. if that's the case, end it with him so you can both find someone more suitable.
|
info
depends very much on who's paying what bills. for instance, if you're saying "my money is mine, but your money is ours" then you are very much ta. if his income pays the bills and you get to keep yours to yourself, that's an issue.
if you get a disability check that is used for your share of the bills and this is just extra...different story.
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info: i'm guessing your husband works. do you have full access to the money he brings in from work?
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so, okay, i think if both you and your husband are making money, you should both be contributing to the household. by that i mean bills, groceries, etc. not a wristwatch just because he wants one and thinks you should pay for it.
so, info, are you contributing to the household?
also, why the fuck are you with a man like that?
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if you have full access to his money, then yes, you are the asshole for not sharing. even more if you are paying with his money for your sewing materials.
nonetheless, he is an asshole for making fun of you and your passion.
|
so, do you two even like each other?
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esh - at the core of it, you were a stay at home mom, and now you're working again, you should be contributing equitably to the household. your husband is definitely worse though for how he has handled basically every aspect of the situation, from relentless teasing of your hobby to a lack of support for your business to not addressing the financial situation directly and then involving friends and family into the conflict.
|
it seems he is asking for things for himself (fix his car, buy a watch, take him out to a restaurant), not the household, so **nta.** he mocked, laughed and called you names, but now that your hobby is making money, he wants to spend it for you.
also, because his friend and family are in y'alls personal business. his pressure didn't work, so he's trying to use friends and family to pressure you.
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esh. listen, lets not be indelicate but i would venture to say you have the ability to make this little hobby a business because someone else pays the bills. you live your life dependent on other people. which is cool, again, no disrespect. but both you and your hubby need to learn a little about the soft and hard contributions of the other. you both sound extremely stingy as humans, score keepers and favor counters - this isnt great and just asks for a relationship fueled by resentment. paying for dinner if your family goes out is not "sharing the profit" its you being a big girl and picking up the check.
|
i see this all the time on reddit and it boggles my mind. friends of an so calling or texting the other so to give their two cents. in what world is this acceptable? if i was in an argument with my so and one of his friends called to give an opinion i’d be floored. and probably never speak to that person again and also assume they did it at my so’s request and promptly dump them.
|
ESH
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
| null | null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.426701
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f32 have a leg disability that got worse to the point i couod no longer work. so i stayed home with the kids for 4 years. i had plenty of free time after the kids became more indepandent and i found myself sitting around all day long. i have sewing hobby that i learned while living with my grandmother since i was 13. so i started spending my time sewing. my husband made a laughing stock out of me calling me 'granma" or "granny" and running with the jokes and teasing. it was unbearable but i ignored him. anyway, a friend of mine saw some of my works and suggested i open an website and sell what i make. i was hasitant about it and my husband's opinion was "mehhh...who would want to buy granma's junk" but i asked my friend to help me and people really liked my works. they started buying them off of me which was shockingly amazing y'all. i started really investing into this and in one month i was able to make over 200-300$. it's been 3 months now into the business. when money started coming my husband would ask me to buy something or make a restaurant resevation or even fix his car for him. when i refuse he'd say that i have money from my sewing business and should really pay. i decline every. single. time. he asks. yesterday, he showed me a wrist watch online that he really liked and asked if i could pay for it. i said no because i have no money. he pointed out once again the money i have from my sewing business but i told him that the money was literally "none of his business". he blew up saying that i was being selfish and mean and said that the business profit should be split equally between both of us (i use caps because he yelled those words) not just me. i told him he not only mocked me for sewing he even doubted my potentials. besides that i do all the work so, why would he expect profit?!?. he said that he as my husband gets half and i should really consider it or stop the sewing thing alltogether. i laughed thinking he was messing around but he left the house then came back looking pissed. his friend called to "scold" me reminding me that my husband already "does" enough for me to be able to find time to sew and so he desrves a precentage but i still refused. now he's family are pressuring me to share the money but i'm still refusing. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f32 have a leg disability that got worse to the point i couod no longer work. so i stayed home with the kids for 4 years. i had plenty of free time after the kids became more indepandent and i found myself sitting around all day long. i have sewing hobby that i learned while living with my grandmother since i was 13. so i started spending my time sewing. my husband made a laughing stock out of me calling me 'granma" or "granny" and running with the jokes and teasing. it was unbearable but i ignored him. anyway, a friend of mine saw some of my works and suggested i open an website and sell what i make. i was hasitant about it and my husband's opinion was "mehhh...who would want to buy granma's junk" but i asked my friend to help me and people really liked my works. they started buying them off of me which was shockingly amazing y'all. i started really investing into this and in one month i was able to make over 200-300$. it's been 3 months now into the business. when money started coming my husband would ask me to buy something or make a restaurant resevation or even fix his car for him. when i refuse he'd say that i have money from my sewing business and should really pay. i decline every. single. time. he asks. yesterday, he showed me a wrist watch online that he really liked and asked if i could pay for it. i said no because i have no money. he pointed out once again the money i have from my sewing business but i told him that the money was literally "none of his business". he blew up saying that i was being selfish and mean and said that the business profit should be split equally between both of us (i use caps because he yelled those words) not just me. i told him he not only mocked me for sewing he even doubted my potentials. besides that i do all the work so, why would he expect profit?!?. he said that he as my husband gets half and i should really consider it or stop the sewing thing alltogether. i laughed thinking he was messing around but he left the house then came back looking pissed. his friend called to "scold" me reminding me that my husband already "does" enough for me to be able to find time to sew and so he desrves a precentage but i still refused. now he's family are pressuring me to share the money but i'm still refusing. aita? [/INST] esh. your husband sucks for belittling you and discouraging you. *but . . .* i assume your husband works and has been bringing in an income that he used to pay for food and shelter. you got to share in that, didn't you? your husband may not deserve a "percentage," but you're supposed to be in this marriage together. it doesn't sound like you are. if that's the case, end it with him so you can both find someone more suitable. </s>
|
AITA for snapping at my daughters therapist when she tried to blame my daughters trauma on me?
|
i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder.
if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect.
well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it.
when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues.
she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers.
after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left.
my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita?
| 7,903
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tidmx0/aita_for_snapping_at_my_daughters_therapist_when/
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2022-03-20 04:59:37
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yta.
licensed counselor here. bpd is a trauma response. trauma does not have to be what you think of as abuse to cause the same results as abuse. it would do you good to educate yourself on adverse childhood experiences (aces).
edit to add: i don't think op is an ah for not knowing this about bpd, but for their response and behavior towards the therapist. info above in this comment is for op to better understand their daughter.
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yta. i’d feel sorry for you, since you are obviously in denial about your own shortcomings and upbringing, but it’s clear that you don’t even have an open enough mind to try to do something other than diminish and invalidate your daughter’s perspective.
10 years down the round you will be asking yourself “why doesn’t my daughter speak to me anymore?”.
consider searching “missing missing reasons”, and i’m sure you’ll see your future there.
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yta. i hope this is a troll post.
by your own admission, you “don’t understand [your] daughter’s disorders” and you don’t know how to actually address mental illness.
her therapist has spent years studying this and has her degree in it. this is literally her profession and area of expertise. stop making this about you and if you can’t maybe it’s time for you to go to a therapist yourself. your behavior may have lost you your daughter but if it hasn’t you should be grateful and ask her (and listen to) what she needs to be able to trust you.
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yta. i don’t even have the energy to tell you why.
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yta. this post shows why ur daughter is in therapy
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yta just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and you yet again invalidate your daughters feelings.
|
>
when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that.
that's not a great way to start a therapy session especially when bringing in a parent for the first time. therapist wins the the ah points here.
>after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about.
>if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders
sounds like you never took the time to understand your daughter's problems. 2 ah points for you.
you win! yta!
listen, we're the same age. if you grew up like i did, we didn't talk about mental illness and only "crazy" people got therapy.
we've been through some stuff in our lives. the crazy stuff we saw that was considered normal by us was actually crazy but we didn't know how to recognize it.
for your daughter's sake i'd recommend having a session with that "quack" and ask them to break down what they heard from your daughter in a 1 to 1 session. and take the time to really listen. and if you don't see why something is traumatic or crazy ask them to explain it to you.
now, it sounds to me like you feel like you walked into an ambush and you kinda did. 1 ah point for daughter. but if she's suffering and if you love your kid you need to be the mature adult and start learning what's going on with your kids mental illness. like now.
good luck. you may be the biggest ah winner this time but you have an opportunity to turn things around and be better.
|
yta and that doesn’t even cover it.
bpd is a trauma response. and sounds like you contributed to your daughter’s trauma. and now a therapist was trying to help both of you. but instead of facing some hard truths and working on yourself you threw a tantrum and left.
if you cannot do the work, then your daughter probably needs to keep you at a distance, so she can get better. and your response after, i wouldn’t want to be around you!
|
yta.
you caused your daughters trauma and then when you got called out on it by a professional you threw a tantrum and traumatized your daughter again. congratulations, you’re a horrible mother.
|
this high key feels like it was written by the daughter, and is pretending to be from the perspective of the mother....
edited to add judgement: yta, obviously swearing at your daughter in anger generally is a very mean thing to do.
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder. if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect. well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues. she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left. my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder. if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect. well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues. she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left. my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita? [/INST] yta. licensed counselor here. bpd is a trauma response. trauma does not have to be what you think of as abuse to cause the same results as abuse. it would do you good to educate yourself on adverse childhood experiences (aces). edit to add: i don't think op is an ah for not knowing this about bpd, but for their response and behavior towards the therapist. info above in this comment is for op to better understand their daughter. </s>
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AITA for siding with my husband when my brother kicked him out of the engagement party?
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it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me.
so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around.
connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did.
at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him.
we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him.
aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them.
| 14,020
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/svfyk6/aita_for_siding_with_my_husband_when_my_brother/
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2022-02-18 11:43:10
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yta.
you and your husband are assholes. huge assholes.
i don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. the slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband.
what could rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? die waiting.
ps your husband screwed rachel.
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yta.
so because your husband told you that a 30 something woman had "fun" in college, you automatically thinks she sleeps around and is cheating on your brother ?
you don't even know that girl. all you know is what your - judgy - husband told you about her.
i'm curious. since she made her way through everybody in college, does that mean that your husband slept with her as well ? because he does sound a bit jealous of your brother...
i wouldn't be surprised if you're not invited to the wedding or have any contact with your brother ever again.
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i'm not being funny; your husband slut shammed his best friend's fiancée at her engagement party?! how you would think that is acceptable is mind-blowing! have some class! yta! she deserves a massive apology!
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yta. what your husband did was horrible and gross. what she did in college is no one’s business and should never be brought up. but at her engagement party? your husband is garbage. and you are too for taking his side. you should absolutely apologize to your brother and his fiancée. but i wouldn’t forgive either of you if i were them. you and your husband need to grow up and learn how to be respectful of others.
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your husband called a woman a "hoe" at her engagement party and that's a-ok with you?
the only person who is a bigger ah than you is your husband.
yta. big time.
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yta and so it your husband. why is anyone’s sexual history your business??????
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esh-
well not everyone, just you and your husband. him for slut shaming, you for saying "well he has a point".
also it sounds like your husband is jealous.
>connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group.
except him right?
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yes, you and your husband are ta. your brother’s reaction was 100% called for.
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i mean yta and so is your husband, who cares if she slept around at college, as long as she’s not doing it now. your husband asked your brother is he was sure and your brother asked him to not talk about it, your husband then continued to, if anything, if your brother hasn’t kicked you both out, that would be worse.
you both need to apologise to him and his fiancé
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yta,
what friend says that about his bfs fiance? no matter her past she deserves respect!
is that the kind of man you married and would defend?
you should feel bad. slut shaming a woman at her engagement party! good on your brother for standing up for his future wife. he will be a good husband for sure.
definitely op, you and your husband are the ah.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.000485
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me. so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around. connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did. at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him. we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him. aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me. so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around. connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did. at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him. we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him. aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them. [/INST] yta. you and your husband are assholes. huge assholes. i don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. the slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband. what could rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? die waiting. ps your husband screwed rachel. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother not to bring his wife to family events?
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i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family.
a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped.
my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class.
i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge.
recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home.
my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents.
i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend.
so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit.
english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes!
| 8,375
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/og5vps/aita_for_telling_my_brother_not_to_bring_his_wife/
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2021-07-08 12:07:51
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yta - absurdly controlling behaviour (which at that level seems downright abusive in it’s own right) doesn’t get a pass because the people doing it believe in the supernatural. you don’t get a pass because it’s easier to appease the believers in the supernatural than it is to stand up for someone else’s basic human dignity to live freely.
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i feel sad for you - are you content to accept the cage in which you live?
there is another alternative to having your brother resume acceptance of the conditions that you yourself describe as unfair. you could consider your brother and his wife - who was your friend first - as a conduit to a different sort of life.
it’s not just about the clothing, dear. there is a great big world out there. language class is just one teeny-tiny piece.
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edited nta. your parents are the biggest ah here but your brother has some responsibility as well. you've communicated that his actions are causing your parents to lash out at you. you just want him to stop so you stop being punished. while you're brother and wife have done nothing wrong by simply living the way they do your brother should take your feelings into account.
more clarification on my edit. your parents are lashing out at you and that's not fair. you've spoken to your brother but he isn't stopping. i understand that he either has to leave his wife home or risk you being punished. if i was in his position i'd stop coming to see your parents. hopefully that would take pressure off you and he wouldn't have to change anything to fit your parents.
further edit. op has said sil is fully aware of how this effects op and seems to delight in pissing the parents the off. that's much different than just existing and not wanting to be judged because she knows that op's parents are going to take their anger out on op. that means sil has as much agency in this as op's brother. while the parents are the ones reacting badly since they both know they are not facing consequences they are ahs too. because they should care, at least, about how this is harming op.
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omg does people not understand the cultural differences here? with the way the family is described and the ceremonies while a child is born, the it seems like the op is from south asia. maybe india or pakistan? people in us or uk are commenting yta based on what they experience not keeping in mind the ops background.
everyone here says that the op is to blame for asking her brother to not come with his wife. but there's a limit to what she can go through at her home. cutting off people or removing yourself from such situations are simply not possible in the culture. i speak as an indian myself, once someone orthodox decides to moral police you, no amount of reasoning or explanation can make them understand.
it's not fair, in any way that someone gets to comment on your clothes, your ambitions and your life choices but that's how it is here. there are small changes everyday but mostly the situation hasn't changed.
op definitely doesn't have a choice to distance herself from her parents but sil does. if sil can make ops life a little better by doing that then why doesn't she? sil can choose to wear clothes the parents approve of or just not meet them. i know this sounds controlling but there really isn't a perfect solution to this, the parents are more or less set in their way and won't compromise on this.
nta op. most people commenting here just don't understand how controlling and unfair it is to be in a conservative south asian household.
ps: i've done my but ranting about controlling south asian families but if the op doesn't turn out to be from this cultural background imma be hella ashamed lol
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you are correct.
> i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents
your parents are angry that they cannot control your brother or sil so they are taking it out on you because, as you noted, you can't really stop them from doing so. they can say that they are just following their culture or beliefs, but their behavior toward you is abusive.
given that you were raised in the same home, your brother should be a little more empathetic toward you. he was understandably annoyed by your request, but calling you an ah and equating your request with his parents controlling, intolerant behavior was uncalled for.
nta.
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holy shit, these comments, wtf.
op, you are nta. you can't help the fact that your parents are misogynists and abusive. you also have no power to change them and are probably looking to move out asap. all your sil has to do to is not show up to people she obviously doesn't want to be around or wear pants for a few hours. this isn't a big ask and people here who are calling you an asshole sound like the most unsympathetic people i've ever seen.
she knows her presence and the way she is present will cause you to endure abuse from your parents and she chooses to do it anyway. she's not an asshole for standing up against the parents, but she is an asshole for doing it knowing full well you're the only one who will suffer from it. your parents are obviously assholes too.
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info: when you asked your sil/talked to your brother did you tell them your request was because of the abuse you endure or did you focus on your sil's outfits?
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[removed]
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i'm going to say nta. most of the people who are commenting yta have no idea how difficult it is to stand up to a conservative abusive family. since op has stated that she has communicated to her brother that she ends up bearing the repercussions of sil not compromising on different attire, i think that her brother and sil are slight assholes. with that said, op, you can't live like this forever. you know that your parents are wrong. are you really happy with them? please think of yourself and get out of that house.
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you're not the asshole here, you're just caught up in something you shouldn't have to deal with.
your parents are the assholes. your brother is doing exactly what he should be doing, defending his wife.
nah, except your parents. you're not handling it correctly but you're not an asshole, per se.
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.334749
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family. a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped. my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class. i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge. recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home. my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents. i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend. so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit. english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i come from a very orthodox family. there are certain rules for women in my family. like not wearing revealing clothes (even jeans and shorts), make up and roaming around alone at night. i'm aware that most of it is unfair but they won't change and i can't move out without losing all contact with my family. a few years back i started attending this language class (my parents agreed very reluctantly) and became friends with a girl there. introduced her to my older brother (m25) who would pick me up from class. long story short: they fell in love and eloped. my mother was devastated. she cried for days and blamed me for introducing "that witch" to my brother. my brother moved into an apartment pretty close to ours but maintained his distance from us and gradually died down. until this year where they finally decide to reconcile. i thought they would tone things down and slowly get my parents to approve of their marriage. it was naive of me to think so. my sil wears only short pants and skirts for every family event. she talks about moving to europe, never having kids and everything else that would give my mother a stroke. she has the luxury of saying all this and running back to the safety of her house. i'm the one who has to sit through the aftermath. the minute she leaves, my parents start yelling about how much shame and bad luck she's gonna bring our family. they also never forget to point out that none of this would have happened if i hadn't gone to that language class. i have repeatedly asked my sil to just wear normal clothes for a few hours but she doesn't listen. i guess this is her way of rebelling or getting revenge. recently, my older sister gave birth to a child and there's plenty of ceremonies that are to be performed. these ceremonies are huge and most of my relatives will be attending it. i can only imagine the fights that will start at home. my brother called to ask me if there was something he could do and i straight up told him not to show up or to show up without his wife. he called me an asshole and said i was just like our parents. i know that the only people in the wrong here are my parents but i know them and i know they won't change and i don't think wearing different set of clothes for a few hours is a big deal and if it is they can just not attend. so i think i'm not the asshole but maybe i just can't see it? so tell me reddit. english is not my first language so ignore my mistakes! [/INST] yta - absurdly controlling behaviour (which at that level seems downright abusive in it’s own right) doesn’t get a pass because the people doing it believe in the supernatural. you don’t get a pass because it’s easier to appease the believers in the supernatural than it is to stand up for someone else’s basic human dignity to live freely. </s>
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AITA for telling my bitchy roommate about the job I have lined up for after college?
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i (21f) hate my college roommate. she’s the type of antisocial, nerdy person who thinks they’re superior or something for not going to parties or having a social life, which she says is a “distraction” from studying all day, basically.
we have a physical line drawn down the room because of our issues, and i’m just waiting for her to cross it. i know she will because she’s nosy and tries to look through my property.
i came back from a party, and she said passive-aggressively “god, i hate people always blasting their music on friday nights when i’m trying to study.” and started griping about how the libraries close on friday nights so she has no where to study alone in silence.
i said “why? fomo?” and she snarled “no fomo here. it will be the idiots partying who feel fomo when it’s time to find a job after graduation.” she has nonsense like this all the time, when most of the kids who go to parties are doing a lot better than her at almost everything.
i informed her that i have a six-figure job lined up after graduation. my summer internship gave me a job offer, and i definitely didn’t get it by studying alone in my room. in fact, it wasn’t even publicly listed. i was referred by my close friend who, guess what, i met at a party. i pointed out that she also has a high-paying job lined up, as do lots of the kids i go to parties with, so i guess my roommate hasn’t used her time in college as effectively as she thought.
she said i’m a bitch then and she hates me and everyone “like me.” and i was like “oh honey, i’d hate the world to if i had wasted my time in college just studying. seems that hasn’t gotten you a good job yet.” we are no longer speaking.
| 1,830
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnc34d/aita_for_telling_my_bitchy_roommate_about_the_job/
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2022-09-25 03:18:30
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esh god help both of your future employers. such immaturity is not going to get either of you very far so maybe grow up and let her be her with no judgement and vice versa (if she were to read this).
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esh
both of you need to mature and grow the hell up. cuttings room down the middle. you aren't going to do well in a corporate world, because that is something siblings do.
"i'm just waiting for her to cross my side." are you 12? if i was the employer you have and if i saw this...i would recind the offer.
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wait, your roommate is the only one who thinks they’re superior? what’s wrong with someone who wants to focus on academics more than doing the average college stuff? seems you both have very judgemental mentalities when it comes to how you socialize and participate in college life.
esh. jesus. this kind of attitude won’t serve you well in the “real world”. get out of the high school mentality and grow up. both of you.
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i’m going to go yta not e s h because i think i’d be strung out around your kind of privilege, too. you just bragged about not having to put work into a well-paid and influential job. when she says she hates people like you she means, people who get everything handed to them and never have to work for it. and seem to look down on people who do.
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oh honey.
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esh. you both sound like immature and insufferable assholes.
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esh. you both sound insufferable.
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imagine bragging you got you job through nepotism rather than competence like it's a good thing.
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you just sound like a hater tbh
|
esh.
neither one of you are capable of being empathetic to each others situation/personality/preferences. you both seem to enjoy making the other feel less-than. luckily, you’re both young and there’s still time to improve.
|
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.032136
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21f) hate my college roommate. she’s the type of antisocial, nerdy person who thinks they’re superior or something for not going to parties or having a social life, which she says is a “distraction” from studying all day, basically. we have a physical line drawn down the room because of our issues, and i’m just waiting for her to cross it. i know she will because she’s nosy and tries to look through my property. i came back from a party, and she said passive-aggressively “god, i hate people always blasting their music on friday nights when i’m trying to study.” and started griping about how the libraries close on friday nights so she has no where to study alone in silence. i said “why? fomo?” and she snarled “no fomo here. it will be the idiots partying who feel fomo when it’s time to find a job after graduation.” she has nonsense like this all the time, when most of the kids who go to parties are doing a lot better than her at almost everything. i informed her that i have a six-figure job lined up after graduation. my summer internship gave me a job offer, and i definitely didn’t get it by studying alone in my room. in fact, it wasn’t even publicly listed. i was referred by my close friend who, guess what, i met at a party. i pointed out that she also has a high-paying job lined up, as do lots of the kids i go to parties with, so i guess my roommate hasn’t used her time in college as effectively as she thought. she said i’m a bitch then and she hates me and everyone “like me.” and i was like “oh honey, i’d hate the world to if i had wasted my time in college just studying. seems that hasn’t gotten you a good job yet.” we are no longer speaking.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) hate my college roommate. she’s the type of antisocial, nerdy person who thinks they’re superior or something for not going to parties or having a social life, which she says is a “distraction” from studying all day, basically. we have a physical line drawn down the room because of our issues, and i’m just waiting for her to cross it. i know she will because she’s nosy and tries to look through my property. i came back from a party, and she said passive-aggressively “god, i hate people always blasting their music on friday nights when i’m trying to study.” and started griping about how the libraries close on friday nights so she has no where to study alone in silence. i said “why? fomo?” and she snarled “no fomo here. it will be the idiots partying who feel fomo when it’s time to find a job after graduation.” she has nonsense like this all the time, when most of the kids who go to parties are doing a lot better than her at almost everything. i informed her that i have a six-figure job lined up after graduation. my summer internship gave me a job offer, and i definitely didn’t get it by studying alone in my room. in fact, it wasn’t even publicly listed. i was referred by my close friend who, guess what, i met at a party. i pointed out that she also has a high-paying job lined up, as do lots of the kids i go to parties with, so i guess my roommate hasn’t used her time in college as effectively as she thought. she said i’m a bitch then and she hates me and everyone “like me.” and i was like “oh honey, i’d hate the world to if i had wasted my time in college just studying. seems that hasn’t gotten you a good job yet.” we are no longer speaking. [/INST] esh god help both of your future employers. such immaturity is not going to get either of you very far so maybe grow up and let her be her with no judgement and vice versa (if she were to read this). </s>
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AITA for telling my gf I want nothing to do with our (potential) kid
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so i (26m) don’t like kids, i never have, and was always adamant that i would never have kids. so much so that when i was 22 i wanted to get a vasectomy. the doctor told me to wait and think it over since i was so young, but i eventually got one when i was 24. it went well, and test results at the time showed i had no sperm count.
my girlfriend of three years also said she never wanted kids (wanting kids would be a dealbreaker for me) and i thought that was it and we’d be child free. well a last week she found out she was pregnant and we were both in shock. between my vasectomy and her being on birth control (for non-pregnancy related reasons) the odds of her getting pregnant should be astronomically low. we couldn’t believe she was pregnant, and my gf assured me she didn’t cheat and was willing to take a dna test to prove it (if that’s possible at this stage) and i believe her. i also went back to the doctor to get a sperm count, and somehow a small amount of sperm were present and there would be a small chance i could get someone pregnant.
now i don’t want the kid, and was under the assumption she didn’t either. she says she assumed she would get an abortion if she was pregnant, but actually being pregnant is different and she’s having second thoughts. while i strongly want her to get an abortion, i realize that it’s ultimately her choice, but i told her that if she does go through with the pregnancy (and doesn’t adopt it), i want nothing to do with it. i’d do whatever i legally have to do in terms of child support, but i won’t be involved with raising the kid. also our relationship would effectively be over because i don’t want to be with someone who has a kid. my friends and brother think i’m a complete asshole and that i should suck it up if she chooses to have the kid. i think i took reasonable, if not extreme precautions to ensure i never had to worry about a kid and that i shouldn’t have to raise a kid i don’t want as long as i fulfill my legal obligations. so reddit, aita for not wanting to raise my kid?
| 11,550
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ed1aij/aita_for_telling_my_gf_i_want_nothing_to_do_with/
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2019-12-19 23:19:30
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nah. you both agreed you didn't want kids and would abort an accidental pregnancy. if she wants to change her mind and keep the baby that's her choice, but you also have the choice to be a father or not. the choice is hers, as are the consequences; likewise for you.
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i’m gonna go with nah. because you’re thoughts and feelings are extremely valid, especially considering the precautions you both took to ensure pregnancy wouldn’t occur. i am sorry you feel that way, though, considering the extreme odds of this situation occurring. i’d think if it were me, i’d begin wondering if this was going to be some kind of super kid.
the gf is not at an asshole at all in this situation, considering her own attempts to avoid this.
there is a bottom line though; neither of you did the one thing you can do to ensure no children are created, abstain from sex. which i am sure you know, and probably why you ultimately recognize your financial obligation.
if you do go through with it. you will always be the asshole to everyone, especially the kid. that’s just reality. there will be zero way to rationalize to a child that it’s not you, it’s your “kind”, your very existence that i am opposed to. don’t take it personal.
what a shitty situation and i am really sorry you’re experiencing it. you really need to either fully embrace being the asshole for the rest of your life or being a dad for the rest of your life. reality.
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nah. i'm tired of the double standard people seem to have in situations like these. if women can unilaterally decide to have an abortion or not (rightfully so), men should be able to unilaterally decide to be in the child's life or not. *as long as you pay child support*, there should be no issue.
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i mean, pretty much nah, but expect everyone in your life to think you're an asshole forevermore after this.
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you're not technically an asshole, but well. this is very unfortunate for your potential child. i'm not gonna call you an asshole, but don't be shocked if in 20 years your kid does. which is gonna sting a lot more then a bunch of strangers on the internet.
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info - just wondering if you did know that you were supposed to get checked every year to ensure that no sperm were coming through. my step brother also had a vasectomy at a young age never went to any of his follow up appointments and now has two children.
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yta. life happens, and you are fully in your legal right to walk away from your relationship and future child, but you'd still be the asshole. she didn't want kids either, but then she got pregnant, and guess what, it became a whole lot more real than the "what if" discussions. this is a clear case of reddit going with what is legally right rather than morally right (yet again)
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nah. she may be changing her mind, and that's okay, but you haven't changed yours, and that is also okay. as long as you provide what's financially required, you're not obligated to do more.
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nta
both of you didn’t want kids and you don’t like kids. why be forced to be a dad when she was on the pill to prevent this and abortion might be available.
dude with all the respect in the world get the dna test even if she’s confident. trust me on this one!
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nah. i'm generally on the "suck it up and take responsibility for your kid"-side of the fence, but you knew what you wanted from the start, was clear about it and took every reasonable precaution.
you sound like a pragmatist, but if you worded it the same way when you talked to your gf about it as you did in the post, i'd say y t a instead. just hoping it was for brevity.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
INFO
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.234243
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (26m) don’t like kids, i never have, and was always adamant that i would never have kids. so much so that when i was 22 i wanted to get a vasectomy. the doctor told me to wait and think it over since i was so young, but i eventually got one when i was 24. it went well, and test results at the time showed i had no sperm count. my girlfriend of three years also said she never wanted kids (wanting kids would be a dealbreaker for me) and i thought that was it and we’d be child free. well a last week she found out she was pregnant and we were both in shock. between my vasectomy and her being on birth control (for non-pregnancy related reasons) the odds of her getting pregnant should be astronomically low. we couldn’t believe she was pregnant, and my gf assured me she didn’t cheat and was willing to take a dna test to prove it (if that’s possible at this stage) and i believe her. i also went back to the doctor to get a sperm count, and somehow a small amount of sperm were present and there would be a small chance i could get someone pregnant. now i don’t want the kid, and was under the assumption she didn’t either. she says she assumed she would get an abortion if she was pregnant, but actually being pregnant is different and she’s having second thoughts. while i strongly want her to get an abortion, i realize that it’s ultimately her choice, but i told her that if she does go through with the pregnancy (and doesn’t adopt it), i want nothing to do with it. i’d do whatever i legally have to do in terms of child support, but i won’t be involved with raising the kid. also our relationship would effectively be over because i don’t want to be with someone who has a kid. my friends and brother think i’m a complete asshole and that i should suck it up if she chooses to have the kid. i think i took reasonable, if not extreme precautions to ensure i never had to worry about a kid and that i shouldn’t have to raise a kid i don’t want as long as i fulfill my legal obligations. so reddit, aita for not wanting to raise my kid?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (26m) don’t like kids, i never have, and was always adamant that i would never have kids. so much so that when i was 22 i wanted to get a vasectomy. the doctor told me to wait and think it over since i was so young, but i eventually got one when i was 24. it went well, and test results at the time showed i had no sperm count. my girlfriend of three years also said she never wanted kids (wanting kids would be a dealbreaker for me) and i thought that was it and we’d be child free. well a last week she found out she was pregnant and we were both in shock. between my vasectomy and her being on birth control (for non-pregnancy related reasons) the odds of her getting pregnant should be astronomically low. we couldn’t believe she was pregnant, and my gf assured me she didn’t cheat and was willing to take a dna test to prove it (if that’s possible at this stage) and i believe her. i also went back to the doctor to get a sperm count, and somehow a small amount of sperm were present and there would be a small chance i could get someone pregnant. now i don’t want the kid, and was under the assumption she didn’t either. she says she assumed she would get an abortion if she was pregnant, but actually being pregnant is different and she’s having second thoughts. while i strongly want her to get an abortion, i realize that it’s ultimately her choice, but i told her that if she does go through with the pregnancy (and doesn’t adopt it), i want nothing to do with it. i’d do whatever i legally have to do in terms of child support, but i won’t be involved with raising the kid. also our relationship would effectively be over because i don’t want to be with someone who has a kid. my friends and brother think i’m a complete asshole and that i should suck it up if she chooses to have the kid. i think i took reasonable, if not extreme precautions to ensure i never had to worry about a kid and that i shouldn’t have to raise a kid i don’t want as long as i fulfill my legal obligations. so reddit, aita for not wanting to raise my kid? [/INST] nah. you both agreed you didn't want kids and would abort an accidental pregnancy. if she wants to change her mind and keep the baby that's her choice, but you also have the choice to be a father or not. the choice is hers, as are the consequences; likewise for you. </s>
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AITA for not being attracted to my girlfriend’s body?
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i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one.
i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can.
so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.)
i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size.
this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious.
i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse.
she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.).
am i being the asshole here?
| 17,966
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azofrl/aita_for_not_being_attracted_to_my_girlfriends/
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2019-03-11 03:35:24
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yta not for having a preference, but for this shit:
>if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse
what the actual fuck? has nobody on this sub ever heard of a little white lie?
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yta. you can't look at her during sex because of her boobs? really?
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wow yta. you could have been honest and at-least a little polite about it, but nope, you said her small chest is the reason you have her face away from you during sex. she has every right to be mad, just because you’re honest doesn’t make you less of an asshole.
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so you'd tell your girlfriend of three years that you prefer she face away from you when you fuck because her tits are too small...
but you're protecting the internet's delicate sensibilities by censoring the word "boobs" on reddit?
yta for sure, fix your priorities. you're so intent on not telling a white lie even when it deeply hurts someone you supposedly love but you're in essence doing the same thing when it doesn't even matter.
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yta for being rude and hurtful to her.
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yta. you were extremely rude and hurtful, and you've definitely furthered her insecurities about her body. well done.
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yta. not for not being attracted to her small chest - that's something you can't control. but firstly for letting it affect you so much that you can't stand to look at her during sex - surely just having a small chest isn't that hideous -, secondly for telling her the way that you did, and thirdly for not even thinking of how much that would hurt - particularly about something you knew she was sensitive about. you should have focused on what you do love about her.
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yta. my reason is already here in another's comment.
*ps: upvote the shit out of this asshole*
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this can't be real. tell me it's not real. 🤦♀️
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yta
what if she told you she wasn't attracted to your penis size? how would that make you feel?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one. i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can. so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.) i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size. this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious. i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse. she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.). am i being the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one. i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can. so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.) i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size. this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious. i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse. she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.). am i being the asshole here? [/INST] yta not for having a preference, but for this shit: >if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse what the actual fuck? has nobody on this sub ever heard of a little white lie? </s>
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AITA for sending my son to school in a dress
|
my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift).
he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door.
i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly.
i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him.
my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it.
at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita
| 26,577
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1jjlx/aita_for_sending_my_son_to_school_in_a_dress/
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2019-09-09 00:41:19
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nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op!
|
a gentle esh
i don't think there's anything wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and neither do you, which is great, but you should have realized that letting him walk into school like that was a recipe for disaster. most people do not think a guy should wear a dress, and that includes little kids, who can and will be cruel. hopefully the other kids will forget about in a month or so, but for now your son is going to face some taunting when he gets to school.
obligatory
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yta 100%. until he's old enough to understand the potential social ramifications and decide whether he's up for the challenge, or until kids stop bullying others over stuff that's odd to them, you decide to take your kids out of harm's way and then you do it. you inadvertently made a social/political statement at your son's expense.
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yta. you didn’t have any type of discussion with your child about what could happen, you just let him because you were busy. that makes you ta.
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yta, my god second grade is when kids really start to kick the bullying into gear. like yeah once he gets older you shouldn't police his clothing, but keep it normal and age appropriate for now.
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yta. you're right that it shouldn't be a big deal as long as he was properly clothed in terms of health/sanitary concerns and he wasn't wearing like a swastika or something. but unfortunately we live in the real world. this was such an obvious outcome that it makes you the asshole for not at least having a discussion with your son and how you support him and his self expression, but others may be mean to him over this and feel it's inappropriate. then, if after a discussion he still wants to wear it then ok and he's ready to ignore bullies.
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yta - wanting to teach your kid tolerance and open mindedness is admirable, but you did it in exactly the wrong way. you let him make a stupid decision that subjected him to humiliation that he and his classmates will not soon forget. that’s dumb.
anyone on the “let boys wear dresses” train has good ideals, but it’s parents jobs to help them navigate the world they live in, not live out fantasies of a better one.
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why the hell is the school not punishing the little shits who bullied your son? why should he have to change because they’re ill behaved brats? you should stand your ground on this. your son wanted to wear a dress, he was expressing himself. the bullying from the other kids will have obviously upset him, but the reaction from his parents is more important. you should be standing up for him and demanding the school address their students’ behaviour, not arguing with your wife about who’s at fault. neither of you are, but the school and those brats are. stand up for your kid now or he’ll internalise it. if he wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress.
for now i’m going to say esh, because all the adults in this situation are ignoring the real issue and those brats are nasty. i hope your son regains his confidence to be proud of who he is
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nta. it frustrates me that your son was singled out as the "problem" instead of the children doing the bullying. the teacher/school/whomever was in charge could have taken a moment to reinforce the idea "if you don't have anything nice to say..."
other posters make a good point that in a perfect setting you would have prepared him that sometimes people say rude things. but, overall i appreciated you realizing you should treat him and your daughter the same, and let them express themselves.
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yta dude. you either a) let your son do it because of some “politically neutral” bullshit or b) because you didn’t want to be late for work. which either way makes you a shitty parent. he will be the boy who wore a dress to school for potentially *years* now.
you didn’t specify age but i’m guessing he’s 10 or under. this isn’t a teenager saying dad i think i want to dress like a lady, this is a child making a childish decision. you as an adult should have made a better one. unfortunately you didn’t and now he will be the one who suffers for it.
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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YTA
| 0.193649
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita [/INST] nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op! </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that our son pushing away from Chinese culture doesn't make him racist?
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i will try to keep this short. i (55m) am white and my wife (46f) is chinese-american. we live on the west coast in an area with a significant asian population. we have three kids (18f, 16m, 14m). the oldest is in college but the younger two attend our local public schools. the district is 65 percent white, 20 percent asian, 10 percent latino, and single digit black and mixed race percentages.
the 14 year old is what most people would call racially ambiguous. most people correctly guess that he isn't all white but aren't sure what else he is. he has brown hair, tan skin, green eyes. the shape of his eyes is what usually tips people off that he's asian but he has been guessed as half latino pretty often as well. my other kids look more asian. the oldest has dark brown hair and dark almond shaped eyes. the middle has super dark almost black hair and people used to think he was adopted from china when i would take him out alone.
anyway, the 14 year old has struggled with his racial identity since he was younger. he used to say that his siblings were more asian and he was more white. this upset my wife but we worked through it. the kids have all taken language classes on saturdays since preschool and my youngest is finishing his last year. he told my wife that he can't wait to finish because the kids in the class never treated him like he was really asian because his isn't fully asian and doesn't look asian. he'll be in high school next year and my older kids were involved in the chinese american cultural club. it's a cool club and the kids take a trip to china the summer before senior year. my middle is a junior so he'll be taking the trip this summer. my youngest told my wife he's not going to join the club and when she asked why he told her that he doesn't feel connected to chinese cultural. he said he always feels like a fraud whenever he goes to chinese festivals or celebrates his chinese heritage. he said he feels more comfortable around his friends from his swim team or soccer team than he does around his friends from his language class.
my wife thinks this means he racist or prejudiced against asians and asian americans. i told her that he's just trying to find himself and where he fits in. she said of course i would say that since i'm white and never dealt with oppression. we argued about it for a while and she ended by saying she's not going to talk about it anymore with me since i will never understand. i know i won't understand what it's like to be asian american but i don't want her telling our already racially confused son that he's racist.
| 5,187
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqzf0e/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_our_son_pushing/
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2020-01-19 17:42:19
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nah
it probably hurts her to see her son reject her culture and i think you should be sympathetic to that. he’s not racist, and she’s wrong about that, but her other feelings are reasonable.
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this really isn’t an aita appropriate post. this is an incredibly complex issue that’s going to require a lot of understanding and patience. for now i would re-assure your wife that teens need space to go through phases and that the more she pushes, the less likely he’ll be to want anything to do with his heritage. let her know it’s okay to be heartbroken. let her know her feelings are valid but emphasize so are your sons. maybe try and find him a mixed race adult he can talk to since mixed race kids often struggle with feeling isolated. chinese culture is amazing rich, maybe he’d rather spend time learning to cook traditional food with his mom/other relatives one on one? maybe he’d like to explore music or art. your wife can engage him in ways the take the focus off his peers, which seems to be the source of his problems. tell your son no one, not one single soul, gets to dictate who he is. love them extra hard, because the world can be cruel.
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nta. he is a teen that has probably gotten shit from people on both sides of his ethnicity and just wants to fit in somewhere. he will definitely learn who he is as he gets older. i rejected the idea that i was ethnically jewish until i was an adult because i grew up hearing so much antisemitism.
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my guy, there are a whole host of issues bundled into this dilemma that can’t possibly be dealt with responsibly here. i suggest you do some short term couples counseling and then perhaps family counseling to deal with this— or at least learn how to communicate around it. to be clear— i don’t think any of you are wrong, you just don’t understand each other.
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nta. if your son is already feeling like he doesn't fit in and that the classmates who look more asian single him out and make him feel ostracised, then what does she think his mother accusing him of racism is going to do to him?
if your son feels like he is unable to open up to his parents it is going to have a huge effect on him and his own identity. it might be worth finding him someone to talk to that may be a bit more able to understand exactly how he is feeling and to help him figure out what he wants moving forward.
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nah. what an uncomfortable situation for everyone. you're definitely nta for defending him, he's nta for not feeling connected to his asian roots (he's also white, and he deserves to explore that side of himself too), and she's nta for feeling betrayed. i 100% understand everyone's feelings here, and i wish it were as simple as yta or nta, but i don't think it is. i think the three of you are going to be at odds with each other about this for a good long while.
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nta
yes, i’m going with nta and not nah because i am also a fair skinned half asian person and other asian people have been truly awful to me and my family.
your son is going through what i also went through as a child. i am the lightest skinned sibling, the rest look more obviously indian than i do. it’s hard to want to be part of a culture but also feel like you don’t have the “right” to be there because of your skin tone. i wanted desperately to be considered asian but i always stood out.
he’s pushing away his culture because he doesn’t feel he has the right to it, or he feels less connected because he doesn’t look asian. that’s completely normal.
you should ask if other asian kids are bullying him. i would say it’s very likely that’s why he doesn’t want to be involved. frankly, you should ask if his friends ever talk about you (as the white parent). i had an asian friend whose parents “hated” me and my family because my father was white. they went out of their way to exclude me and my family, but to be honest every single asian family in our neighborhood excluded us.
i think there’s more going on with your son than what he’s telling you, particularly if he’s turning down a trip to china because of it.
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nah (except those other asian kids)
wow you poor son, he's being made to feel like an outsider in his own skin. those kids at language class sound like some racial purity nutters, i don't blame him for wanting to carve out a space for himself that doesn't focus on how he looks.
he can still learn his culture at home, maybe a family trip to china should be on the cards
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nta. your wife needs to get a grip. it’s understandable that she would be disappointed he’s not identifying with chinese culture the same way his siblings did, but she can’t force him to - and in reality, trying to force him to will only drive him further away. she certainly shouldn’t be calling him racist.
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nta while im sure it hurts her to see her son turn away from her culture its not fair of her to want to make him
feel bad for it. he’s 14 and just looking for somewhere he fits in
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00851
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i will try to keep this short. i (55m) am white and my wife (46f) is chinese-american. we live on the west coast in an area with a significant asian population. we have three kids (18f, 16m, 14m). the oldest is in college but the younger two attend our local public schools. the district is 65 percent white, 20 percent asian, 10 percent latino, and single digit black and mixed race percentages. the 14 year old is what most people would call racially ambiguous. most people correctly guess that he isn't all white but aren't sure what else he is. he has brown hair, tan skin, green eyes. the shape of his eyes is what usually tips people off that he's asian but he has been guessed as half latino pretty often as well. my other kids look more asian. the oldest has dark brown hair and dark almond shaped eyes. the middle has super dark almost black hair and people used to think he was adopted from china when i would take him out alone. anyway, the 14 year old has struggled with his racial identity since he was younger. he used to say that his siblings were more asian and he was more white. this upset my wife but we worked through it. the kids have all taken language classes on saturdays since preschool and my youngest is finishing his last year. he told my wife that he can't wait to finish because the kids in the class never treated him like he was really asian because his isn't fully asian and doesn't look asian. he'll be in high school next year and my older kids were involved in the chinese american cultural club. it's a cool club and the kids take a trip to china the summer before senior year. my middle is a junior so he'll be taking the trip this summer. my youngest told my wife he's not going to join the club and when she asked why he told her that he doesn't feel connected to chinese cultural. he said he always feels like a fraud whenever he goes to chinese festivals or celebrates his chinese heritage. he said he feels more comfortable around his friends from his swim team or soccer team than he does around his friends from his language class. my wife thinks this means he racist or prejudiced against asians and asian americans. i told her that he's just trying to find himself and where he fits in. she said of course i would say that since i'm white and never dealt with oppression. we argued about it for a while and she ended by saying she's not going to talk about it anymore with me since i will never understand. i know i won't understand what it's like to be asian american but i don't want her telling our already racially confused son that he's racist.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i will try to keep this short. i (55m) am white and my wife (46f) is chinese-american. we live on the west coast in an area with a significant asian population. we have three kids (18f, 16m, 14m). the oldest is in college but the younger two attend our local public schools. the district is 65 percent white, 20 percent asian, 10 percent latino, and single digit black and mixed race percentages. the 14 year old is what most people would call racially ambiguous. most people correctly guess that he isn't all white but aren't sure what else he is. he has brown hair, tan skin, green eyes. the shape of his eyes is what usually tips people off that he's asian but he has been guessed as half latino pretty often as well. my other kids look more asian. the oldest has dark brown hair and dark almond shaped eyes. the middle has super dark almost black hair and people used to think he was adopted from china when i would take him out alone. anyway, the 14 year old has struggled with his racial identity since he was younger. he used to say that his siblings were more asian and he was more white. this upset my wife but we worked through it. the kids have all taken language classes on saturdays since preschool and my youngest is finishing his last year. he told my wife that he can't wait to finish because the kids in the class never treated him like he was really asian because his isn't fully asian and doesn't look asian. he'll be in high school next year and my older kids were involved in the chinese american cultural club. it's a cool club and the kids take a trip to china the summer before senior year. my middle is a junior so he'll be taking the trip this summer. my youngest told my wife he's not going to join the club and when she asked why he told her that he doesn't feel connected to chinese cultural. he said he always feels like a fraud whenever he goes to chinese festivals or celebrates his chinese heritage. he said he feels more comfortable around his friends from his swim team or soccer team than he does around his friends from his language class. my wife thinks this means he racist or prejudiced against asians and asian americans. i told her that he's just trying to find himself and where he fits in. she said of course i would say that since i'm white and never dealt with oppression. we argued about it for a while and she ended by saying she's not going to talk about it anymore with me since i will never understand. i know i won't understand what it's like to be asian american but i don't want her telling our already racially confused son that he's racist. [/INST] nah it probably hurts her to see her son reject her culture and i think you should be sympathetic to that. he’s not racist, and she’s wrong about that, but her other feelings are reasonable. </s>
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AITA for not giving my brother and his husband my eggs?
|
my brother is gay and he and his husband have decided they'd like to have a child. they plan on using a surrogate. my brother's husband is providing the sperm and my brother has asked me for an egg so he is biologically related to the baby as well. my brother's husband doesn't have any sisters or close female relatives or they'd ask one of his.
about ten years ago i had some eggs harvested and donated some of them. i was broke and in college, the paycheck was too good to pass up. i've been told that somewhere in the world i have a biological daughter, and two biological sons running around with exceptionally healthy genes. i donated all of my first harvest within five years of my having them removed, and had a second round done three years ago to buy a car. i have a few little ova swimming around in a freezer tank at a clinic in charlotte just waiting to be donated.
however, i don't want to give on to my brother and his husband. it would feel weird to see him raising my biological child while i'm just the aunt. i want to have kids someday and i feel like this is a little too "all in the family" for my liking; "this is your cousin, who is also your sister", "this is your aunt who is also your mother". it's just too weird.
but my brother and his husband didn't react very well when i said no and accused me of being selfish. on the one hand, the eggs are already there, in a lab in a jar, frozen and waiting the right warm womb. and on the other hand they did offer to pay me for them, and i am saving up for the down payment on a house. on the other other hand, i'm creeped out and don't want to do it.
aita for saying no and not donating my unused ova to my brother?
| 2,219
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/et5qoq/aita_for_not_giving_my_brother_and_his_husband_my/
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2020-01-24 05:11:54
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nah-- though i'm finding it hard to comprehend that you're perfectly fine with strangers raising your biological children but not your brother and his husband. ultimately it's your eggs, your choice... but i get why they'd be upset.
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>my brother and his husband didn't react very well when i said no and accused me of being selfish
they can fuck right off with this. in no way are they entitled to your ovum.
not wanting to be a biological parent to a close relative’s baby is a valid reason not to donate eggs or sperm. but in truth, *any* reason is valid because it’s your choice under what conditions you’re okay with creating a human life!
nta
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nta. your brother and his husband are the ones being profoundly selfish. your concerns are totally valid and i wouldn’t do it, either. your brother and his husband are not entitled to your body parts.
another way of looking at this: they want a biological kid around. you don’t. it would be your kid so it’s your call.
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nah. this is a tough one. i understand where all of you are coming from. it's easy to logically tell yourself that you are not the mother, just a gene donor. you didn't carry the fetus, didn't birth the baby, and won't raise it. not the mother, no auntie-mom.
telling yourself something logically doesn't erase feelings though. if you do some serious reflection and you just can't do it, that's fair. don't do it.
if your brother doesn't understand this he is the one being selfish. ask him why he's going through all this trouble for a biological child when there are so many in foster care wanting happy homes. it's a low blow, but so is calling you selfish for your feelings in this tough situation.
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your male relatives don’t own you or your eggs and don’t have a right to them because y’all happen to share some genes. wtaf is this nonsense? nta.
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nta. having a biological kid “out there somewhere” that you’d never know about vs having one at every family dinner is obviously a different emotional experience. if biology isn’t important, then why would your brother care if the kid is genetically related to him or not? it’s because to him, and to you, the genetics do matter, and that’s okay.
the likelihood of the conception story never coming up is absolutely nil, so you would absolutely have to deal with that different relationship at some point, and no one can predict how the kid would feel about it.
your family members aren’t entitled to your reproductive services, which is a super weird sentence to type, btw.
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nta because they got angry with you. if they asked, you politely said no and then they were dissappointed but not angry i would have said nah.
i understand asking and i understand you saying no. i don't understand their anger.
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nta. you’re not selfish. some families do that and can get over the fact but some can’t.
just out of curiosity, your brother can’t go and seek out your eggs from wherever you donated them could he?
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nta
i’ve definitely seen a similar situation on a sitcom (not that you’re being dishonest, just a funny coincidence) and the same concerns were brought to mind with the whole “aunt mom” stuff.
but basically no one is entitled to your eggs, and though you donated them, that’s wayyyy different than giving them to your brother to raise a child that’s yours but also not yours. if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, it should be a no-go.
they’re not ta for asking, but they’re definitely ta for not accepting your answer
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nta. men don't have a right to any woman's reproductive system. it's like, a whole *thing*.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother is gay and he and his husband have decided they'd like to have a child. they plan on using a surrogate. my brother's husband is providing the sperm and my brother has asked me for an egg so he is biologically related to the baby as well. my brother's husband doesn't have any sisters or close female relatives or they'd ask one of his. about ten years ago i had some eggs harvested and donated some of them. i was broke and in college, the paycheck was too good to pass up. i've been told that somewhere in the world i have a biological daughter, and two biological sons running around with exceptionally healthy genes. i donated all of my first harvest within five years of my having them removed, and had a second round done three years ago to buy a car. i have a few little ova swimming around in a freezer tank at a clinic in charlotte just waiting to be donated. however, i don't want to give on to my brother and his husband. it would feel weird to see him raising my biological child while i'm just the aunt. i want to have kids someday and i feel like this is a little too "all in the family" for my liking; "this is your cousin, who is also your sister", "this is your aunt who is also your mother". it's just too weird. but my brother and his husband didn't react very well when i said no and accused me of being selfish. on the one hand, the eggs are already there, in a lab in a jar, frozen and waiting the right warm womb. and on the other hand they did offer to pay me for them, and i am saving up for the down payment on a house. on the other other hand, i'm creeped out and don't want to do it. aita for saying no and not donating my unused ova to my brother?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother is gay and he and his husband have decided they'd like to have a child. they plan on using a surrogate. my brother's husband is providing the sperm and my brother has asked me for an egg so he is biologically related to the baby as well. my brother's husband doesn't have any sisters or close female relatives or they'd ask one of his. about ten years ago i had some eggs harvested and donated some of them. i was broke and in college, the paycheck was too good to pass up. i've been told that somewhere in the world i have a biological daughter, and two biological sons running around with exceptionally healthy genes. i donated all of my first harvest within five years of my having them removed, and had a second round done three years ago to buy a car. i have a few little ova swimming around in a freezer tank at a clinic in charlotte just waiting to be donated. however, i don't want to give on to my brother and his husband. it would feel weird to see him raising my biological child while i'm just the aunt. i want to have kids someday and i feel like this is a little too "all in the family" for my liking; "this is your cousin, who is also your sister", "this is your aunt who is also your mother". it's just too weird. but my brother and his husband didn't react very well when i said no and accused me of being selfish. on the one hand, the eggs are already there, in a lab in a jar, frozen and waiting the right warm womb. and on the other hand they did offer to pay me for them, and i am saving up for the down payment on a house. on the other other hand, i'm creeped out and don't want to do it. aita for saying no and not donating my unused ova to my brother? [/INST] nah-- though i'm finding it hard to comprehend that you're perfectly fine with strangers raising your biological children but not your brother and his husband. ultimately it's your eggs, your choice... but i get why they'd be upset. </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL what I thought of her gifts and embarrassing my husband?
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i 43f have been married to my husband 45m for 21 years. we have been together since we were teenagers. we have two children 18m and 20f. my mil has never liked me and has always thought that my husband could do better for himself. she also thinks that i have essentially ruined his life by weighing him down.
my mil is extremely passive aggressive, whereas i am very direct and to the point because i feel that it helps to avoid misunderstandings with people. my husband knows this and he is always the one to deal with her when she is rude to me, so i normally keep my mouth shut when it comes to her antics since it just tends to cause unnecessary drama.
for christmas this year, we did a family zoom. mil was already upset since we didn't travel ten hours to go see her for obvious reasons and because my husband is a lineman and is considered essential worker. mil mailed us a box with our presents since we weren't going to be there in person. my husband passed them out with the rest of the gifts, and we all opened her presents to find that she bought all of us new socks and underwear.
i was raised that you should always thank a gift giver no matter how awful the gift is, so i said a polite thank you to her for the gifts. my daughter and son however, were extremely uncomfortable and upset. when we ended the zoom, my daughter and son both told us that they both felt embarrassed that their grandmother sent them underwear, my daughter especially. i took my husband to the side and told him that his mother sending us things like this was beyond the pale. i told him that not only was i uncomfortable with this, but both of our children were as well.
mil called later that evening and asked if we had all liked our gifts, and i told her quite frankly that we did not like them. i told her that her gifts were inappropriate and made all of us uncomfortable and to please never send anything like that to us again. my husband and mil got upset with me. mil called me rude and said i was ungrateful. my husband said that i embarrassed him and wants me to apologize to her.
i refused and still refuse to apologize for saying what i did because she asked a question and i answered it.
aita for telling my mil what i thought about her gifts?
| 2,299
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqfueh/aita_for_telling_my_mil_what_i_thought_of_her/
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2021-01-04 19:28:31
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info: why were your kids uncomfortable. i can not be the only one who grandmother bought them socks and underwear. i mean mine even would buy it just because she knew i was visiting.
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geez my mom gave my kids underwear. unless it was thongs/mesh/porn-ish then i think you overreacted because you just don’t like her. yta
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yta. i don’t understand the over the top response. you may not have liked the gifts, but it’s not like they were perverse. just give a polite thank you and move on.
this seems like the equivalent of “i’m not an asshole, i’m just honest.” which we all know means you’re just an ah.
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okay so unpopular opinion here. nta
here's why:
>i was raised that you should always thank a gift giver no matter how awful the gift is, so i said a polite thank you to her for the gifts.
you and the kids thanked her and left it alone.
but then:
>mil called later that evening and asked if we had all liked our gifts, and i told her quite frankly that we did not like them.
your mil ***asked*** for your opinion on the gifts. now could you have lied? sure. but mil asked for your opinion and you answered honestly. if you told her this without her asking for your opinion then that may have been an ah move, but you didn't.
never ask a question you don't want an answer to. after 21 years of being in the family, i would assume that she is aware of your straight-forward nature. so maybe next time, she'll think before asking.
side note: i think it's kind of strange that she didn't ask in the moment if you all liked the gifts rather than calling later that day. i feel like she might have known that you all wouldn't have liked the gifts. pure speculation though.
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nta. underwear as a gift? if you're a kid it's a shabby gift. if you're a teen it's embarassing. if you're an adult, underwear is something sexy your so gets you. it's not an appropriate gift for family members.
good on you to keep the peace during the celebrations, but tell her not to do this again in a private moment. i think you did a wonderful job. if your husband feels embarassed, tell him to imagine how embarassed you felt when you opened up her gift of underwear on a family zoom.
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yta. a gift is a gift. my grandmother would have gotten me exactly that if she were still alive, and i am nearly 50. teach your kids to receive gifts graciously. it doesn't sound like she singled you out or anything, so i'm not sure she really intended to embarrass you. maybe she did intend that very thing, but if so, you missed a chance to take the high road, which would have been a medicine far more bitter to her.
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nta
who the fuck sends someone underwear unless its like... an so or you know them well enough for it to be a joke of some kind.
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yta.
unfortunately, underwear and socks are traditional awkward grandma gifts. unless she sent crotchless undies i dont know what she did so wrong. you went kind of far to pay her back for past rudeness, maybe.
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esh leaning slightly towards yta. the situation could definitely have been dealt with better. you already mention your relationship with you mil is strained so i would have gotten hubby to talk to her about the gifts. at the same time a gift is a gift and it's nice that she was able to mail it to y'all and you could all meet over zoom.
> please never send anything like that to us again.
i don't think saying something like this was necessary.
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info: were the gift uncomfortable specifically because they were underwear? if she had sent the socks and no underwear, would the situation have been different?
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
INFO
| 0.605565
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 43f have been married to my husband 45m for 21 years. we have been together since we were teenagers. we have two children 18m and 20f. my mil has never liked me and has always thought that my husband could do better for himself. she also thinks that i have essentially ruined his life by weighing him down. my mil is extremely passive aggressive, whereas i am very direct and to the point because i feel that it helps to avoid misunderstandings with people. my husband knows this and he is always the one to deal with her when she is rude to me, so i normally keep my mouth shut when it comes to her antics since it just tends to cause unnecessary drama. for christmas this year, we did a family zoom. mil was already upset since we didn't travel ten hours to go see her for obvious reasons and because my husband is a lineman and is considered essential worker. mil mailed us a box with our presents since we weren't going to be there in person. my husband passed them out with the rest of the gifts, and we all opened her presents to find that she bought all of us new socks and underwear. i was raised that you should always thank a gift giver no matter how awful the gift is, so i said a polite thank you to her for the gifts. my daughter and son however, were extremely uncomfortable and upset. when we ended the zoom, my daughter and son both told us that they both felt embarrassed that their grandmother sent them underwear, my daughter especially. i took my husband to the side and told him that his mother sending us things like this was beyond the pale. i told him that not only was i uncomfortable with this, but both of our children were as well. mil called later that evening and asked if we had all liked our gifts, and i told her quite frankly that we did not like them. i told her that her gifts were inappropriate and made all of us uncomfortable and to please never send anything like that to us again. my husband and mil got upset with me. mil called me rude and said i was ungrateful. my husband said that i embarrassed him and wants me to apologize to her. i refused and still refuse to apologize for saying what i did because she asked a question and i answered it. aita for telling my mil what i thought about her gifts?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 43f have been married to my husband 45m for 21 years. we have been together since we were teenagers. we have two children 18m and 20f. my mil has never liked me and has always thought that my husband could do better for himself. she also thinks that i have essentially ruined his life by weighing him down. my mil is extremely passive aggressive, whereas i am very direct and to the point because i feel that it helps to avoid misunderstandings with people. my husband knows this and he is always the one to deal with her when she is rude to me, so i normally keep my mouth shut when it comes to her antics since it just tends to cause unnecessary drama. for christmas this year, we did a family zoom. mil was already upset since we didn't travel ten hours to go see her for obvious reasons and because my husband is a lineman and is considered essential worker. mil mailed us a box with our presents since we weren't going to be there in person. my husband passed them out with the rest of the gifts, and we all opened her presents to find that she bought all of us new socks and underwear. i was raised that you should always thank a gift giver no matter how awful the gift is, so i said a polite thank you to her for the gifts. my daughter and son however, were extremely uncomfortable and upset. when we ended the zoom, my daughter and son both told us that they both felt embarrassed that their grandmother sent them underwear, my daughter especially. i took my husband to the side and told him that his mother sending us things like this was beyond the pale. i told him that not only was i uncomfortable with this, but both of our children were as well. mil called later that evening and asked if we had all liked our gifts, and i told her quite frankly that we did not like them. i told her that her gifts were inappropriate and made all of us uncomfortable and to please never send anything like that to us again. my husband and mil got upset with me. mil called me rude and said i was ungrateful. my husband said that i embarrassed him and wants me to apologize to her. i refused and still refuse to apologize for saying what i did because she asked a question and i answered it. aita for telling my mil what i thought about her gifts? [/INST] info: why were your kids uncomfortable. i can not be the only one who grandmother bought them socks and underwear. i mean mine even would buy it just because she knew i was visiting. </s>
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AITA for being honest with my daughter about why I got her stepmom a bracelet?
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i’ll just be honest up front, i cheated on my first wife though not with my current wife and that was seventeen years ago. i was very unhappy in my first marriage, but everyone thought we should stay together for the kids. we had three children and i thought i was doing the right thing, but eventually i couldn’t take it and left.
i met my current wife a year after my divorce. she’s thirteen years younger than me and we probably moved to fast, but seventeen years later and she’s still the best thing that ever happened to me. my daughter did not like my wife. i had her in therapy to deal with the divorce, and we tried family therapy, but nothing ever worked. even as an adult she carried around a lot of resentment. i tried to let her work through things, but i did not tolerate her disrespecting her stepmom.
for the most part it was just uncomfortable, but they had a big falling out the weekend my daughter graduated college. we threw her a nice party and when the party was over, i mean just a couple close friends left and everyone had been drinking, my wife sort of jumped into my arms and my daughter lost it. she said she’s never liked her. she only tolerated her because it wasn’t worth it and that she’s trashy and embarrassing.
fast forward to present time, my daughter is getting married and she said she didn’t want me to bring my wife. at first i said i wasn’t going to go, but my wife convinced me that i’d regret it. the wedding is planned for next year, and against my better judgment i gave her some money. now i’m struggling with the resentment but my wife wants me to go.
i bought my wife a diamond bracelet recently, just because she is amazing and i can’t believe how well she handles everything. i’m so pissed about the wedding and i regret the money i gave them, and i thought my wife deserved something nice. well my kids came over the other night and my son’s girlfriend commented on the bracelet, my wife said i bought it for her and when the girlfriend asked if there was an occasion, i was honest. my daughter just walked out of the house, but i swallowed my pride with the wedding. i think i absolutely have the right to buy my wife a nice gift.
| 1,260
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/helznb/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_daughter_about_why/
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2020-06-23 20:09:32
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info: so... you told your kids that you bought your wife a bracelet because you regret giving money to the daughter for her wedding?
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this is a tough one really, however i'm going to say esh meaning you and your daughter. it's clear she does not like your wife but instead of being an adult about the situation and letting it slide over, shes biting at every turn that she can. however, you outwardly saying that you bought it for your wife because of the way your daughter has acted over that time... makes me think maybe you're the ah too. i mean maybe i am reading it wrong and please tell me if i am. but i feel like maybe a white lie here and there may make your daughter, less angry? i dunno
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nta. i mean, you are for cheating, but not for this. as long as your wife doesn't needle her and exacerbate it and is pleasant, your daughter has no reason to not do the same. she obviously has a lot of resentment and quite frankly she needs to grow up. if she cant be civil then you're under no obligation to do anything for her. what happened is awful and you have to own that but quite frankly your daughter is being a brat.
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info: what did you say exactly?
just that you bought your wife the bracelet because you think she's amazing, or you bought it because you resent your daughter's attitude towards your wife and how much money you gave her?
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this sounds exactly like what is going to happen to that guy who thinks his 14 year old is jealous of his new wife for being pretty. seriously, if the ages weren't different, i was gonna ask if this was him.
esh - your daughter absolutely should not invite you but not your wife to the wedding and it's horrible she'd accept money for it when doing so. but come on man, say you bought it because your wife is supportive and you love her.
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nta-
you’ve done your due diligence with your daughter who is now an adult. while you’re still her father, she now can decide how she wants to cope and deal with her issues and she is choosing to do so by lashing out. no one is responsible for her behaviors now except for her.
i would suggest you let it go that you gave the money unless you feel the need to take it back (which would almost certainly put the nail in the coffin for your relationship with your daughter.) whether you attend or not, you can only choose to do what is right for you in this time. your decisions should not be made with the intention to sway your daughter one way or another. if you continue to placate her behavior, she’ll always look to you to cave, which is unhealthy for you both.
your wife sounds like an understanding and caring person, and it is your money to choose what to do with it.
the only thing that would put you in a esh category for me, is how you relayed the message about why you bought the bracelet. if it was harsh and finger pointy, then i would say you added fuel to a fire knowing very well how your daughter feels. if you stated it matter of fact and didn’t engage, i’d be hard pressed to say you have much culpability.
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i dunno. these comments are going a awfully easy on you, when this op with a very similar story got roasted well done: https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/henhfj/aita_for_making_my_kids_stay_in_their_rooms_on_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
the only difference is the age of the kids, and that definitely matters, but you did upset your daughter’s whole world, even that long ago, and were you ever really sorry? it doesn’t seem like it. yta
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info how old were your children when you met your wife? you mentioned that she is quite younger than you but didn’t give specific ages.
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esh except your wife.
if you don’t like your daughters behavior, don’t give her money to support it. but don’t make a bunch of passive aggressive comments afterwards. most couples are a package deal, and your wife is a freaking gem to be excluded from the wedding like this and go with it
|
nta. it sounds like your daughter needs to grow up a bit.
|
INFO
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ESH
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NTA
|
INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
|
INFO
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.620366
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ll just be honest up front, i cheated on my first wife though not with my current wife and that was seventeen years ago. i was very unhappy in my first marriage, but everyone thought we should stay together for the kids. we had three children and i thought i was doing the right thing, but eventually i couldn’t take it and left. i met my current wife a year after my divorce. she’s thirteen years younger than me and we probably moved to fast, but seventeen years later and she’s still the best thing that ever happened to me. my daughter did not like my wife. i had her in therapy to deal with the divorce, and we tried family therapy, but nothing ever worked. even as an adult she carried around a lot of resentment. i tried to let her work through things, but i did not tolerate her disrespecting her stepmom. for the most part it was just uncomfortable, but they had a big falling out the weekend my daughter graduated college. we threw her a nice party and when the party was over, i mean just a couple close friends left and everyone had been drinking, my wife sort of jumped into my arms and my daughter lost it. she said she’s never liked her. she only tolerated her because it wasn’t worth it and that she’s trashy and embarrassing. fast forward to present time, my daughter is getting married and she said she didn’t want me to bring my wife. at first i said i wasn’t going to go, but my wife convinced me that i’d regret it. the wedding is planned for next year, and against my better judgment i gave her some money. now i’m struggling with the resentment but my wife wants me to go. i bought my wife a diamond bracelet recently, just because she is amazing and i can’t believe how well she handles everything. i’m so pissed about the wedding and i regret the money i gave them, and i thought my wife deserved something nice. well my kids came over the other night and my son’s girlfriend commented on the bracelet, my wife said i bought it for her and when the girlfriend asked if there was an occasion, i was honest. my daughter just walked out of the house, but i swallowed my pride with the wedding. i think i absolutely have the right to buy my wife a nice gift.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ll just be honest up front, i cheated on my first wife though not with my current wife and that was seventeen years ago. i was very unhappy in my first marriage, but everyone thought we should stay together for the kids. we had three children and i thought i was doing the right thing, but eventually i couldn’t take it and left. i met my current wife a year after my divorce. she’s thirteen years younger than me and we probably moved to fast, but seventeen years later and she’s still the best thing that ever happened to me. my daughter did not like my wife. i had her in therapy to deal with the divorce, and we tried family therapy, but nothing ever worked. even as an adult she carried around a lot of resentment. i tried to let her work through things, but i did not tolerate her disrespecting her stepmom. for the most part it was just uncomfortable, but they had a big falling out the weekend my daughter graduated college. we threw her a nice party and when the party was over, i mean just a couple close friends left and everyone had been drinking, my wife sort of jumped into my arms and my daughter lost it. she said she’s never liked her. she only tolerated her because it wasn’t worth it and that she’s trashy and embarrassing. fast forward to present time, my daughter is getting married and she said she didn’t want me to bring my wife. at first i said i wasn’t going to go, but my wife convinced me that i’d regret it. the wedding is planned for next year, and against my better judgment i gave her some money. now i’m struggling with the resentment but my wife wants me to go. i bought my wife a diamond bracelet recently, just because she is amazing and i can’t believe how well she handles everything. i’m so pissed about the wedding and i regret the money i gave them, and i thought my wife deserved something nice. well my kids came over the other night and my son’s girlfriend commented on the bracelet, my wife said i bought it for her and when the girlfriend asked if there was an occasion, i was honest. my daughter just walked out of the house, but i swallowed my pride with the wedding. i think i absolutely have the right to buy my wife a nice gift. [/INST] info: so... you told your kids that you bought your wife a bracelet because you regret giving money to the daughter for her wedding? </s>
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AITA for not wanting a Med School student to watch my doctor perform a rectoscope on me?
|
(i don't live in the us)
long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part
she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said.
after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left.
aita??
| 8,689
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbebra/aita_for_not_wanting_a_med_school_student_to/
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2022-07-29 20:04:26
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yta because of your edit. you admit that you went to this hospital knowing that it is a teaching hospital (medical school hospital). the students can’t learn if they don’t observe.
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esh. had to re-do comment in light of the edit. it's a med school hospital. there will always be a student present. you acted inappropriately, but so did the student for confronting you afterward.
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nta
doctors should always ask whether you're comfortable with a student being here - and you have every right to refuse. at least, that's how it works in my country.
sure, the students need to learn, but one thing they need to learn as well is: a patient is a human being to be treated with respect and dignity, not some weird object to probe.
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med student here. nta - i think you started off a bit rude, but the fact is, you should have been asked, and you clearly stated you didn’t consent to have the student in there. for her to then chase you down and insult you is beyond the pale - if you haven’t done so already, i’d report both the doctor and the student. incredibly unprofessional from both of them, and i’m sorry that you experienced this. although we as students greatly appreciate having opportunities to interact with patients during our training, you always have the right to not have a student present (especially for an invasive procedure)
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nt/a. they should have gotten your consent before assuming you’d be okay with it and they got mad at you when their plan backfired. she had no right to be there.
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nta. in the uk, you’re asked for permission before a medical student is allowed to observe or assist in your treatment. it is by no means an obligation. sure, it’s better if people feel able to give that permission so students can learn - they all have to learn and live patients are the best way - but if you feel uncomfortable you should by no means be forced into accepting it.
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nta - the doctor was supposed to ask you for permission before showing your privates to a random girl event if she was a student, and then keep her trap shut and remove the student when you became uncomfortable.
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nta
you should report the student and the doctor.
even if teaching hospitals, doctors have to ask for consent. if there was a random dude at a obgyn appointment that was not even properly introduced, women should not accept this to happen. patients still have to consent.
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nta. your body, your rules. there are plenty of patients who don't mind, and who can't be used for learning opportunities.
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a lot of people are saying yta bc it’s a teaching hospital but yall… just because it is a teaching hospital does not mean that you don’t have a say in who is part of your care… i’m genuinely worried bc a lot of you seem to think that.
i just finished nursing school and did my clinicals at the teaching hospital partnered with my school and the med school(same concept as the hospital op mentioned) and every single time that we were going to observe something or give care to a patient, we had to absolutely first get the patients consent. a lot of people were totally fine with it for things like meds and typical care and procedures because it’s a teaching hospital but there were some things that a lot of people didn’t feel comfortable with students being present and thats okay because the patients comfort matters. several times, the patient declined having me there to observe and then i immediately respected that and left. i didn’t try to reason with them and i didn’t argue with them.
the doctor absolutely should’ve asked op if he felt comfortable before even bringing in the student and the student was completely unprofessional.
i really really need y’all to understand that coercing patients to consent to things that make them uncomfortable and *are not medically necessary* (such as being observed by a student) because it makes things easier for the provider, is not how medicine and healthcare should be practiced and actively goes against the standards of care.
op, you are nta and honestly that doctor and the student could even be reported to their superiors for the way they treated you.
|
YTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.326734
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (i don't live in the us) long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said. after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left. aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(i don't live in the us) long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said. after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left. aita?? [/INST] yta because of your edit. you admit that you went to this hospital knowing that it is a teaching hospital (medical school hospital). the students can’t learn if they don’t observe. </s>
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AITA for going on a family vacation with my two sons and not telling my daughter we're going?
|
i have three kids, two boys aged 20 and 19, and a daughter aged 24. my ex husband is still very close with us and we remain basically best friends.
we all planned a vacation together to cape cod, but we sort of came to the conclusion that we shouldn't invite my daughter laura. laura... she can be a mean person. she is quick to anger and can be extremely demanding to others (especially aimed at her two brothers) and sometimes even just a night out to dinner with her can be hard to get through because of the way she acts. i just wanna give a quick example, we went to my cousins wedding and had to sleep over my sisters house the night before. my son had a blanket on the couch, and left it there while he went to go make breakfast. laura, when she woke up, looked at the blanket, then asked him furiously "are you going to fucking pick this up? you're just going to fucking leave this here like some slob? pick it the fuck up" at a volume that most of the people in the house could hear. my son doesn't even want to talk back to her for fear of escalating her anger, so he just did it. another example is that my son left a pan in the sink to soak before washing it, and she flipped a shit and started calling him lazy and a brat and all this stuff. over one pan. one time she asked my husband to do yoga and he didn't want to, and she basically started berating him for being unhealthy and making his refusal to do yoga into this big thing. one time my son was having a migraine and had to cancel going to his aunts dinner, and laura just absolutely berated him and insulted him for not 'sucking the pain up and going'. that is a microcosm of how she acts, not only to them, but to us as well, and her boyfriends and friends. if she finds even the slightest thing wrong with someone, she will point it out, viciously.
she can also be funny and charming and talkative! she isn't all bad. but she seems to have a problem when it comes to not being able to keep quiet over even slight things she finds annoying.
we want to have a fun vacation. but the thought of being with her for a week makes us all groan. it only takes one of her 'attacks' at us to really dampen the mood, especially when she starts insulting peoples characters and demeaning them. me and my husband try to calm her down and tell her she's being irrational but there's no point at all, she just aims it at us and escalates further.
so we aren't telling her we're going. we're just gonna go. are we the asshole for this? for basically abandoning our daughter to go on vacation without her? she would 100% be excited to go if we asked her, and she only lives 2 hours away from where we're going (we live in nyc, she lives in providence (but spends half her year in nyc). it sucks, because i do love her, but i also don't want to ruin a family vacation. i keep thinking how much fun it'll be to go with just the boys, and how awful it will be to go with her... but also how bad it is to not invite my own daughter.
| 3,766
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dll9bx/aita_for_going_on_a_family_vacation_with_my_two/
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2019-10-22 17:30:56
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esh. i have kids about the same age - older daughter with two younger brothers. i think you need to sit down and tell her to smarten up and that if she wants to come, she has to control her temper. little brothers can be pains - even at that age - she needs to learn how to let things go.
my daughter is in therapy - do you think yours would be open to it? sounds like she has a bit of tension in her life!
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info: what have you done throughout your daughter’s life to address these issues? did you ever get her therapy, or set clear boundaries about her behavior with punishments? does she have any idea you feel this way about her?
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yta. not for going without her, but for not telling her and, what, hoping she doesn't find out? her feelings are, rightfully, going to be hurt.
you don't have to bring her, but you do need to talk to her. if there's a way you can do something with just her to make up for it, even better.
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esh. your daughter sounds like a nightmare. a nightmare that you've enabled. if you're considering not telling her that you're going on vacation, my guess is that the way you've dealt with her to this point is by avoiding conflict rather than confronting her attitude. that's not fair to any of you, her included. it sounds like she needs therapy. if she treats you all like this, chances are it bleeds into other parts of her life.
you're definitely not ta for not wanting her on your trip, but maybe telling her point blank that she isn't welcome unless she can control herself is a better strategy.
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yta the examples you've provided scream of repeating learnt patterns - sounds like she's behaving the way she's learnt from her parents.
that being said, excluding just one child because you don't like the way you've raised her is pretty asshole behaviour.
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yta. i get your feelings, i really do. i am only thinking of all the ways the shit could hit the fan. you’re not going to post any pictures of this trip where she can see them? you have a blood pact with your sons to never mention this trip in her presence? i think you’d be better off communicating with her why she’s not invited. if you don’t, she’ll always be the same.
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nta
at some point i feel like these kinds of people need situations like this to realize that they're not enjoyable to be around.
my brother is very similar to this. if something doesn't go the way he thinks it should, he can just get plain nasty. it often starts with small, playful jabs, so it's like he thinks the playful spin he tries (and fails) to put on it makes it ok to berate people. if someone defends themselves (even if they keep it in a light, playful manner) it just escalates, he loses his shit and often storms out like a kid having a temper tantrum (he's 40) and leaves. he's ruined almost every major holiday (christmas, thanksgiving, etc. i'm from the us so i'm not referring to vacation when i say "holiday") for us this way. my dad, brother and i don't typically let it get to us, but it really bothers my mom and she usually ends up crying over it and it just puts a damper on quality family time. we got sick of it so we just stopped inviting him to small random gatherings we decide to have. we don't exclude him for holidays, that seems cruel but we don't include him for the random gatherings.
it just stinks being around these people sometimes. it doesn't mean you don't love them, but it's exhausting trying to keep up with their unrealistic expectations, especially when it's a vacation and you should be relaxing and enjoying yourself. (sorry, pressed post by mistake before i was done lol)
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i’m going to go against the majority and say nta. i see a lot of people saying these are learned behaviors and i disagree. i have a sister like laura. she’s mean and blows up at minor things every single day. she’s been in therapy for years and my parents have done their best to try and help her see why what she’s doing isn’t fair. growing up, they had hour long conversations with her every other day, but she remained cruel. and just like laura, she was vivacious and friendly at first and people loved her. then when they saw what she could be like (i.e. selfish) they would come to me and ask what was wrong. much like your sons, i don’t speak with my sister. when she is there i’m civil but i don’t engage with her more than polite small talk. i don’t think you should punish your sons and yourself because of how laura behaves. should you tell her? probably. do i think you should? no. but i also get that not many people will understand where you’re coming from because they haven’t seen the true horror of someone who behaves this way.
therapy may not be helpful if you’re not addressing the primary problem. to me, someone who is not a psychiatrist, i would look into personality disorders. specifically histrionic disorder (which is argued about whether it is a separate disorder) and borderline personality disorder. these both seem to fit what you’ve described for laura. i want to make clear laura needs to be evaluated by a trained professional before you go throwing those labels around. and i also think it’s important to note that personality disorders can be managed, but that they often describe an individual’s personality and thus can’t be changed.
i wish you luck op. i know what it’s like to be in your son’s position as a siblings but i don’t know what it’s like to be in yours as a parent. my parents are hurt every day by my sister’s selfishness and the realization she will never be a kind nor loving person to them.
|
esh
you all for not talking to her and being ready to hide this forever, and her for being a brat. i'm not relieving your of parental blame either, her attitude is a product of her upbringing, be it something learned, or a condition that went un cared for.
that out of the way, i totally understand your not wanting to take her! honestly, i wouldnt want to either, vacations are meant to be peaceful and enjoyed.
this is complicated, and for the reasons above i think you owe it to her to be honest about her attitude and the weight that is on you all because of it. she may be mad or unhappy, but if you dont help her fix it sopn, you'll always **deal** with her instead of just **love** her.
maybe the vacation would be the best time to do this.
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i disagree with almost everybody. there are consequences to "being right" all the time. if your whole family feels you will ruin a vacation, you are the asshole. she has alienated her family and she is an adult. what if her parents did her a disservice? none of her friends or colleagues have corrected her? a parent can't be everything, and every parent has failures. it's her life now, and she seems to feel like her need to berate people is more important than harmony in the family. sorry it has consequences.
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.390935
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have three kids, two boys aged 20 and 19, and a daughter aged 24. my ex husband is still very close with us and we remain basically best friends. we all planned a vacation together to cape cod, but we sort of came to the conclusion that we shouldn't invite my daughter laura. laura... she can be a mean person. she is quick to anger and can be extremely demanding to others (especially aimed at her two brothers) and sometimes even just a night out to dinner with her can be hard to get through because of the way she acts. i just wanna give a quick example, we went to my cousins wedding and had to sleep over my sisters house the night before. my son had a blanket on the couch, and left it there while he went to go make breakfast. laura, when she woke up, looked at the blanket, then asked him furiously "are you going to fucking pick this up? you're just going to fucking leave this here like some slob? pick it the fuck up" at a volume that most of the people in the house could hear. my son doesn't even want to talk back to her for fear of escalating her anger, so he just did it. another example is that my son left a pan in the sink to soak before washing it, and she flipped a shit and started calling him lazy and a brat and all this stuff. over one pan. one time she asked my husband to do yoga and he didn't want to, and she basically started berating him for being unhealthy and making his refusal to do yoga into this big thing. one time my son was having a migraine and had to cancel going to his aunts dinner, and laura just absolutely berated him and insulted him for not 'sucking the pain up and going'. that is a microcosm of how she acts, not only to them, but to us as well, and her boyfriends and friends. if she finds even the slightest thing wrong with someone, she will point it out, viciously. she can also be funny and charming and talkative! she isn't all bad. but she seems to have a problem when it comes to not being able to keep quiet over even slight things she finds annoying. we want to have a fun vacation. but the thought of being with her for a week makes us all groan. it only takes one of her 'attacks' at us to really dampen the mood, especially when she starts insulting peoples characters and demeaning them. me and my husband try to calm her down and tell her she's being irrational but there's no point at all, she just aims it at us and escalates further. so we aren't telling her we're going. we're just gonna go. are we the asshole for this? for basically abandoning our daughter to go on vacation without her? she would 100% be excited to go if we asked her, and she only lives 2 hours away from where we're going (we live in nyc, she lives in providence (but spends half her year in nyc). it sucks, because i do love her, but i also don't want to ruin a family vacation. i keep thinking how much fun it'll be to go with just the boys, and how awful it will be to go with her... but also how bad it is to not invite my own daughter.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have three kids, two boys aged 20 and 19, and a daughter aged 24. my ex husband is still very close with us and we remain basically best friends. we all planned a vacation together to cape cod, but we sort of came to the conclusion that we shouldn't invite my daughter laura. laura... she can be a mean person. she is quick to anger and can be extremely demanding to others (especially aimed at her two brothers) and sometimes even just a night out to dinner with her can be hard to get through because of the way she acts. i just wanna give a quick example, we went to my cousins wedding and had to sleep over my sisters house the night before. my son had a blanket on the couch, and left it there while he went to go make breakfast. laura, when she woke up, looked at the blanket, then asked him furiously "are you going to fucking pick this up? you're just going to fucking leave this here like some slob? pick it the fuck up" at a volume that most of the people in the house could hear. my son doesn't even want to talk back to her for fear of escalating her anger, so he just did it. another example is that my son left a pan in the sink to soak before washing it, and she flipped a shit and started calling him lazy and a brat and all this stuff. over one pan. one time she asked my husband to do yoga and he didn't want to, and she basically started berating him for being unhealthy and making his refusal to do yoga into this big thing. one time my son was having a migraine and had to cancel going to his aunts dinner, and laura just absolutely berated him and insulted him for not 'sucking the pain up and going'. that is a microcosm of how she acts, not only to them, but to us as well, and her boyfriends and friends. if she finds even the slightest thing wrong with someone, she will point it out, viciously. she can also be funny and charming and talkative! she isn't all bad. but she seems to have a problem when it comes to not being able to keep quiet over even slight things she finds annoying. we want to have a fun vacation. but the thought of being with her for a week makes us all groan. it only takes one of her 'attacks' at us to really dampen the mood, especially when she starts insulting peoples characters and demeaning them. me and my husband try to calm her down and tell her she's being irrational but there's no point at all, she just aims it at us and escalates further. so we aren't telling her we're going. we're just gonna go. are we the asshole for this? for basically abandoning our daughter to go on vacation without her? she would 100% be excited to go if we asked her, and she only lives 2 hours away from where we're going (we live in nyc, she lives in providence (but spends half her year in nyc). it sucks, because i do love her, but i also don't want to ruin a family vacation. i keep thinking how much fun it'll be to go with just the boys, and how awful it will be to go with her... but also how bad it is to not invite my own daughter. [/INST] esh. i have kids about the same age - older daughter with two younger brothers. i think you need to sit down and tell her to smarten up and that if she wants to come, she has to control her temper. little brothers can be pains - even at that age - she needs to learn how to let things go. my daughter is in therapy - do you think yours would be open to it? sounds like she has a bit of tension in her life! </s>
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AITA for gossiping about my husband’s family wedding?
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my husbands grandfather got married recently for he fifth time and we all knew it was going to be a shit show. mil is 45 and her new stepmom is 26, combined with the fact everything gfil does is a shit show.
it was a very small wedding. so everyone heard everything. mil threw a temper tantrum because she was “hungry” i mean really i think she is angry about the revolving door of stepmothers she’s had and that her dad is still doing the same shit, but she was screaming at her dad because the food didn’t come and she called the bride a whore.
the bride yelled at mil and than gfil told his new wife to shut up and was treating mil like a toddler, like i’m sorry princess i’ll get you something to eat. fil said we should just cut the cake because this can’t get any tackier so mil took a handful of cake and threw it on the ground. the bride freaked out and gfil yelled at her for yelling at his daughter. mil was screaming not to try to come between her and her dad because she’s outlasted all of his other wives and then the bride said “go get botox, bitch”
mil knocked the whole fucking cake over and stormed off. when dh and i went to check on them fil was telling her she should give him a blown job to help her calm down. finally mil went back and gfil said not to worry because she’s always going to be his little princess. mil lasted twenty more minutes before she left to get dinner and fil was drunk and now trying to talk her into giving him sex in front of everyone. the bride burst into tears and we left soon after.
i thought this was hilarious so i was telling my mom over the phone but dh got mad and said i’m insensitive and i treat his family like a joke. honestly i do think “daddy’s 45 year old princess” is a joke but i feel like i was just telling a funny story.
| 7,783
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivtm9s/aita_for_gossiping_about_my_husbands_family/
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2020-09-19 14:34:37
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nah, neither you nor your husband. not gossiping about this train wreck would be a superhuman feat.
however- i feel bad for your husband; he must be mortified by his family. you didn’t mean it to hurt him but clearly it did, so i think he needs an apology. it probably would have been more sensitive to do this discreetly out of his hearing.
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ooooh myyyyyy goooooood.
i don’t blame you for wanting to get that off your chest (omg) but um, don’t do it in your husband’s hearing range.
nah.
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all the y t a people, you wouldn’t have ever gossiped about this?? i don’t believe that.
bad move to do it within earshot of your husband, i’m sure this is a crazy time for him.
but it’s pretty natural to gossip about this. nah.
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info:
how do i get invited to grandpa’s next wedding??? it’s dinner & a show!
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nta. you treat his family like a joke? and what would dh say his family treats themselves like?
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yta. did it occur to you that this isn't hilarious for dh? unfortunately it's not just a funny story, it's his life.
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as someone from a trashy family with similar shitshows over the years- esh except your husband.
yes his family is trashy and does trashy shit with zero remorse or shame. hardy harr harr, funny stories, tell your family and friends for the lulz. but have a little respect for your husband who presumably is not like his trashy family and does struggle with feelings of remorse and shame when they do this shit. tell your funny stories if you must, hopefully to people who either don't know and will never meet your husband, or will not judge him for his family's behavior like (hopefully) your mom won't. but don't do it in front of him. it fucking stings when someone you love does that.
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nta, this is hilarious as balls. how are you a part of such a crazy family.
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yta. not for talking about it - obviously it sounds like it was fucking wild, of course i'd be talking to people about it, i would be pretty disturbed by it all and want to process wtf i just witnessed - but for the way you talked about it. you were relaying it to your mum like a funny story, within your husband's earshot, of course he is gonna feel judged and uncomfortable and humiliated. and honestly... yes, it sounds farcical and chaotic and has all the makings of a sitcom episode... but it's not fiction, it's his life. if this is what his family has always been like, he's probably been traumatised by it, and doesn't find it funny at all. let's imagine an alternate universe where he's the one posting...
"hey reddit. my grandfather is a shallow and petty guy who treats women like disposable objects, and my mum has been super messed up by the constant stream of new stepmothers, especially now they're decades younger than her. she's insecure and it manifests in really weird ways, including putting up with some awful behaviour from my dad, and playing at being a "little princess" so sje can get affection from gramps. i've been worried for a while that she might have a drinking problem. at grandpa's latest wedding - which i had already been dreading - she got extremely drunk and had a very public breakdown. when my wife and i went to check on her, my asshole dad was trying to convince her to blow him to "calm her down" (wtf?) and then later tried to coerce her into having sex with him in front of everyone. i froze up and didn't know what to do so we left. it was horrible and i'm trying to work out how to get my mum into addiction support and away from my dad. the next day i heard my wife talking about it to her mum on the phone, and she was laughing so hard about how gross and trashy my family is. i found this hurtful and asked her not to talk about them like that - if she's going to air our dirty laundry she could at least be respectful and recognise how fucked up this situation is. she said she didn't do anything wrong and it was just a funny story. aita?"
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nah but i’m cracking up at how ironic the post is.
“am i the ah for telling my mother this story i’m about to tell to you strangers? my husband thinks so, here’s what happened..” 😂😂 i’m sorry op but why’d you do that lmao
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.774597
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husbands grandfather got married recently for he fifth time and we all knew it was going to be a shit show. mil is 45 and her new stepmom is 26, combined with the fact everything gfil does is a shit show. it was a very small wedding. so everyone heard everything. mil threw a temper tantrum because she was “hungry” i mean really i think she is angry about the revolving door of stepmothers she’s had and that her dad is still doing the same shit, but she was screaming at her dad because the food didn’t come and she called the bride a whore. the bride yelled at mil and than gfil told his new wife to shut up and was treating mil like a toddler, like i’m sorry princess i’ll get you something to eat. fil said we should just cut the cake because this can’t get any tackier so mil took a handful of cake and threw it on the ground. the bride freaked out and gfil yelled at her for yelling at his daughter. mil was screaming not to try to come between her and her dad because she’s outlasted all of his other wives and then the bride said “go get botox, bitch” mil knocked the whole fucking cake over and stormed off. when dh and i went to check on them fil was telling her she should give him a blown job to help her calm down. finally mil went back and gfil said not to worry because she’s always going to be his little princess. mil lasted twenty more minutes before she left to get dinner and fil was drunk and now trying to talk her into giving him sex in front of everyone. the bride burst into tears and we left soon after. i thought this was hilarious so i was telling my mom over the phone but dh got mad and said i’m insensitive and i treat his family like a joke. honestly i do think “daddy’s 45 year old princess” is a joke but i feel like i was just telling a funny story.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husbands grandfather got married recently for he fifth time and we all knew it was going to be a shit show. mil is 45 and her new stepmom is 26, combined with the fact everything gfil does is a shit show. it was a very small wedding. so everyone heard everything. mil threw a temper tantrum because she was “hungry” i mean really i think she is angry about the revolving door of stepmothers she’s had and that her dad is still doing the same shit, but she was screaming at her dad because the food didn’t come and she called the bride a whore. the bride yelled at mil and than gfil told his new wife to shut up and was treating mil like a toddler, like i’m sorry princess i’ll get you something to eat. fil said we should just cut the cake because this can’t get any tackier so mil took a handful of cake and threw it on the ground. the bride freaked out and gfil yelled at her for yelling at his daughter. mil was screaming not to try to come between her and her dad because she’s outlasted all of his other wives and then the bride said “go get botox, bitch” mil knocked the whole fucking cake over and stormed off. when dh and i went to check on them fil was telling her she should give him a blown job to help her calm down. finally mil went back and gfil said not to worry because she’s always going to be his little princess. mil lasted twenty more minutes before she left to get dinner and fil was drunk and now trying to talk her into giving him sex in front of everyone. the bride burst into tears and we left soon after. i thought this was hilarious so i was telling my mom over the phone but dh got mad and said i’m insensitive and i treat his family like a joke. honestly i do think “daddy’s 45 year old princess” is a joke but i feel like i was just telling a funny story. [/INST] nah, neither you nor your husband. not gossiping about this train wreck would be a superhuman feat. however- i feel bad for your husband; he must be mortified by his family. you didn’t mean it to hurt him but clearly it did, so i think he needs an apology. it probably would have been more sensitive to do this discreetly out of his hearing. </s>
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AITA for sitting in the front seat with my friend and telling his gf to sit in the back?
|
we were heading somewhere with my friend and his gf and i called shotgun and runned in front of her and took the passenger front seat. my friend said we're not doing shot guns and the front seat only goes to his gf or his grandma when either of them is present and that even his mom gives up the front seat out of respect for the gf and their relationship.
i said i don't care about that overdramatic stuff, i'm sitting in the front. he told me i either go to the back or he's not taking me,his car his rules. his gf stood there silent the whole time but i could tell she was annoyed.
i felt awkward and when i feel awkward my brain freezes and i told his gf to go sit in the back and let this drama go. i sat in the front and told my friend to get in and drive. he told me to get out of the car and find another way to get myself to our destination since i have no respect. aita?
| 8,068
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qrpy3j/aita_for_sitting_in_the_front_seat_with_my_friend/
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2021-11-11 17:12:34
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yta. definitely. you may not care about that “overdramatic stuff” but they clearly do and it’s just social etiquette. you should’ve just respected that instead of being a douche about it and making things awkward.
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yta. it’s his car. it’s common courtesy that your so sits up front. the only time i have ever made a girlfriend sit in the back is if my mother is with me. i would have absolutely kicked you out of the car as well. you not only disrespected your friend’s girlfriend but your friend as well. you have no right to demand a seat or a ride in someone else vehicle and no right to tell his girlfriend to sit in the back. i don’t know if this is how you act frequently but in this post you’re the ah big time.
chivalry isn’t dead, but it is with you.
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dude, how old are you? 6? yta
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gee, your brain didn't freeze when you kept insisting that his girlfriend sit in the back,right?
being anxious isn't an excuse to be a shitty person. coming from an over anxious person: yta.
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yta. it’s his car, he told you his rules, you didn’t listen.
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yta- honestly, you're the only one that seems to be creating drama when there didn't need to be any. it was fine to call shotgun, but once your friend said he didn't do shotguns and asked you to sit in the back, everything you did was disrespectful to him. (it already seemed like he was doing you a favor by giving you a ride).
|
yeah, yta. if it’s legit.
when he’s with his partner, you’re the third person there, the third wheel or the “guest” if you will and you don’t really get a say in those things. that isn’t to say the front seat would be completely off limits, but it’s not a decision you automatically make for everyone when you’re not the one who’s supposed to. apart from that, you were also (again, if real) very impolite to your friend and especially his partner, which as a “friend”…it’s something you just don’t do.
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absolute weirdo. yta
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yta. driver's choice, always. you made this a big scene for.. why? seems totally pointless. i expect you've lost a friend.
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yta, it might not seem important to you, but just because something isn't important to you doesn't mean it's not important to others. if their mom even sits in the back out of respect and for her to have that seat, then that should say something. im sure she did just stand there and didn't say anything, she probably felt really awkward that you were making a deal out of where everyone was sitting in the car.
also, being awakward doesn't excuse you from being a jerk. you can't just tell her what to do like she has to listen to you. that's just weird and not okay.
to sum up, it really sounds like you're jealous of their relationship and possibly feel like you're losing your friend and aren't a priority. i promise you, if you keep acting like an asshat you will lose your friend. you should be happy that your friend is with someone that makes them happy. they want to make that person a priority and that's their decision. they're doing it because of their feelings for their significant other and that's completely valid. it really doesn't have anything negative to do with you. what isn't valid is you actively trying to disrupt that because it isn't about you.
tldr:
yta, you're in the wrong. if you value the friendship you have with this person, apologize to both him and his girlfriend. otherwise, he's probably not going to be your friend for long.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we were heading somewhere with my friend and his gf and i called shotgun and runned in front of her and took the passenger front seat. my friend said we're not doing shot guns and the front seat only goes to his gf or his grandma when either of them is present and that even his mom gives up the front seat out of respect for the gf and their relationship. i said i don't care about that overdramatic stuff, i'm sitting in the front. he told me i either go to the back or he's not taking me,his car his rules. his gf stood there silent the whole time but i could tell she was annoyed. i felt awkward and when i feel awkward my brain freezes and i told his gf to go sit in the back and let this drama go. i sat in the front and told my friend to get in and drive. he told me to get out of the car and find another way to get myself to our destination since i have no respect. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we were heading somewhere with my friend and his gf and i called shotgun and runned in front of her and took the passenger front seat. my friend said we're not doing shot guns and the front seat only goes to his gf or his grandma when either of them is present and that even his mom gives up the front seat out of respect for the gf and their relationship. i said i don't care about that overdramatic stuff, i'm sitting in the front. he told me i either go to the back or he's not taking me,his car his rules. his gf stood there silent the whole time but i could tell she was annoyed. i felt awkward and when i feel awkward my brain freezes and i told his gf to go sit in the back and let this drama go. i sat in the front and told my friend to get in and drive. he told me to get out of the car and find another way to get myself to our destination since i have no respect. aita? [/INST] yta. definitely. you may not care about that “overdramatic stuff” but they clearly do and it’s just social etiquette. you should’ve just respected that instead of being a douche about it and making things awkward. </s>
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AITA for saying my babysitting rates are $35 an hour?
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i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle.
my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time.
anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's.
i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything
then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit.
i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult.
so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work.
and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit.
her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else.
my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too.
aita for giving that number?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eizcvf/aita_for_saying_my_babysitting_rates_are_35_an/
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2020-01-02 15:09:34
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nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.
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nta. if they really wanted to go away for three days they should have arranged a sitter in advance. the husband saying you're a 24 year old girl (btw, you're a woman at 24...) and your time isn't worth anything is ridiculous considering you'd get paid $60 an hour if you don't babysit their kids. the husband sounds like a sexist dick.
plus you told them you wouldn't babysit if they couldn't approach your rate. you probably should have just said no from the start but you did inform them that it would be expensive. don't worry about it too much.
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nta
>and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i would have bowed out immediately and told her to have fun dealing with no options.
>her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
yes, what a stupid girl you are for knowing what your time is worth 🙄
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$35 an hour for watching the 3 kids? where were you when my three kids needed babysitting? my wife and i hardly went out and never for very long because we were being charged $20 per hour per kid.
nta, op. it's your time and you charge what you think your time is worth. it's up to the customer to decide if they agree or if they think they can get the same service for less somewhere else.
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nta.
a. if they need a babysitter that badly they should've arranged for one in advance.
b. you're being asked to baby sit three kids. three kids is a lot of work, $15 sounds kinda absurd to me.
c. you have your own life and an actual job that you would be neglecting (or free lance at least) that is worth almost double that amount.
d. the only offensive ones are your cousin and husband who started calling you names when you didn't bend to their will.
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nta
you're a "stupid little girl" who pulls $60/hour freelancing. i just started salesforce training and i'd be happy to make half that freelancing. good for you!
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nta. she offered to pay you, you named your price, she didn’t like it. maybe she expected a discount. i would have gone with nah except you actually named a price that isn’t outside the norm compared to the going rates in my area. the general rule used to be $15 an hour for one kid, $20 an hour for 2 kids, but she has three young ones. when i had 3 younger kids i was quoted $30 an hour.
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nta
if your mom and husband are so bothered by it, why arent they babysitting?
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nta, because asking someone who is also on vacation to watch your kids for 3 days is kind of shitty. an evening, sure, but 3 whole days is crazy.
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nta
your time, your rates
to anyone saying "it's not fair to charge that much" - the price is the price, nobody owes you cheap child care (especially during the holidays at the last minute for several days) - honestly $60 seems reasonable to me, $20 per brat per hour.
don't like it? find someone else or maybe spend your holidays with your own damn kids instead of foisting them off on others.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number? [/INST] nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job. </s>
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