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AITA for kicking my daughter out after she crossed a line?
|
i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life
i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here
now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down
i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers
but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground
aita for this?
(edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog)
(another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!)
| 25,639
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o0daip/aita_for_kicking_my_daughter_out_after_she/
|
2021-06-15 12:33:52
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nta. she's 20 which is old enough to grasp the maliciousness of her actions as well as the potential repercussions. i'm sorry that you lost the letters, that sounds pretty devastating. maybe they can be salvaged as a collage art piece?
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alright, i'm putting this together after reading through many of the other comments, and i'll be using info i've grabbed from them to help me in my rating.
1st: the original argument between charlie and eva occurred because she scratched their car and refused to apologize.
(
|
i can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through and dealing with a child like her.
we’re any actions here ok? no, i think in the heat of the moment it is really hard to control yourself over the loss of such a treasure you had from your wife.
when it’s cooled down and you feel the regret for acting harsh towards your daughter i think you should have a boundary meeting between you and your other children about this and get their input.
then you talk to eva and lay it all out. her shenanigans are over. she needs to atone and apologize.
does she get to move back in? no, i think it’s time she felt repercussions. does that mean you cut her off? no, it does mean you are very selective in how you financially support her and setting rule for your continued support. if she fails y’all i’d cut her off.
good luck.
nta
*thank you all for the awards*
|
nta. she is an adult and can find her own way if she is that disrespectful.
as the child of a mother who passed when i was 10 i do find it very odd that any child would destroy anything like this that was left from their mother....unless they are completely psychotic, this cannot possibly be real.
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nta. this would definitely tame her and set her upright. side note: i belong to the lgbt community and would like to tell you that you might have just saved charlie's heart from a break. for your daughter, it might have been a callous throw of slur, but for charlie, it'd have been a hurtful blow.
let your daughter in once she's realised how hurtful she's been and apologises to you all. she'd beware that next time she crosses the line, that'd be it for her.
also, i am really sorry, man, for those letters shredded. and tbh, your action was justified in response.
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nta at 20 years of age she’s a adult and this kind in behaviour towards you and charlie is unacceptable. this could be a serious life lesson for her and one she desperately needs. also i’m sorry for your loss
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that seems like a really ridiculous thing for her to do over a single argument. also, she lives there but she doesn't know that you have cameras in your house? surely there's more to this story.
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nta, i don’t blame you for kicking your adult child out of your home for that kind of irreparable transgression. that’s fucked up.
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nta. as a former nightmare daughter she really does need tough love. my parents enabled me and that dragged everything out for years.
i will say that i didn’t become a nightmare just “because”. i was absolutely acting out plus i was dealing with undiagnosed anxiety and adhd. so i’d just keep that in mind. good luck. i got better, anyone can!
|
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground aita for this? (edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog) (another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground aita for this? (edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog) (another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!) [/INST] nta. she's 20 which is old enough to grasp the maliciousness of her actions as well as the potential repercussions. i'm sorry that you lost the letters, that sounds pretty devastating. maybe they can be salvaged as a collage art piece? </s>
|
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AITA for laughing in my brother and SIL’s faces when they demanded to use my credit card?
|
so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens.
i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt.
the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money.
things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out.
when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?
| 30,181
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j7b7ew/aita_for_laughing_in_my_brother_and_sils_faces/
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2020-10-08 11:16:22
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nta.
do not let them bully you into committing fraud.
the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you.
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nta - your family are being incredibly manipulative. this isn’t free money and they are trying to saddle you with debt.
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definitely nta. it's just like your dad said. they are trying to manipulate and use you. you owe them nothing. if they want payment for babysitting you then they need to get that money from your mom and dad. which your dad is made clear won't happen. they're trying to use your credit and/or credit card and stick you with the bill. you already pointed out they can't manage their own finances and are already in debt. stay away from these people.
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nta sheesh. hide the card, and keep an eye on your credit score just in case they decide to open a new card with your ssn (assuming they have access to that)
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what drugs are they on, bc credit cards aren’t “free money,” you have to pay back the money later on! no wonder they have credit card debt.
nta. never lend out your credit card.
you might charge shared expenses to your credit card to accrue credit, but make sure to demand the other party pays you back within a certain timeline or if they are charging another shared expense to their credit card to offset the “loan.” but don’t give out your credit card number and cvc, ever.
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nta your father is right. it’s ugly when family take advantage of family. go and hug your father for protecting you.
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nta. what in the hell level of entitlement is this? they are insane. the credit card is yours. they are not now, nor ever will be, entitled to use it.
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[deleted]
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nta, and look into locking your credit card. pretty much every card i've ever had has a lock option in the app, so it can't be used unless you go into the app and unlock it. that way if they find a way to steal your card you won't have to fight with the credit card company to get your money back, and you can use it for whatever small purchases you want by going into the app right before-hand and unlocking it long enough to put the charge on your card and locking it again.
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nta. if your mother feels so strongly about this tell her to lead by example. after all, they did babysit you when you were young! they are trying to steal from you. clear and simple. if they cannot pay off their own debts no way they'll be good to paying you back.
your mother very much seems like an enabler. taking on more debt is the least thing they need. you're doing exactly the right thing by both living within your means and keeping them from taking you down with them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita? [/INST] nta. do not let them bully you into committing fraud. the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to go bare feet in my sister’s house because her boyfriend has a well-known foot fetish?
|
obligatory throwaway. happened this past weekend.
so my boyfriend and i were visiting my sister and her boyfriend at their new house. when we step in my sister is like “please take off your shoes, we just got the floors professionally cleaned last week.” awkward.
so i pause for a bit because i don’t feel super comfortable going barefeet because her bf has a really well known foot thing. i know this because my sister told me about it when they first started dating. also she’s told me in recent years it’s gotten stronger and he’s apparently told her that bare feet is almost pornographic for him.
anyways i pull her to the side and kinda hint at my concerns but she got really offended, saying her bf wouldn’t look at me. but i feel like if some woman walked around topless or equivalent in your house...you’d probably look?
in the end she dug out slippers for me from their moving boxes but it took forever and it was super awkward. she was also supremely mad at me since her bf ended up spending like 2 seconds with us before going back to his office to work. maybe i overreacted but was i an asshole to refuse to go barefoot because i felt uncomfortable?
| 2,120
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fa5vd4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_bare_feet_in_my/
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2020-02-27 03:33:15
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esh.
your sister shouldn't have told you in the first place -- i'm guessing this guy will be mortified if he finds out you know. more to the point, he's an adult and has probably figured out how to deal with this by now (yours can't be the first unintended foot sighting in his life...). it sucks that your sister put you in this position, but now you have to trust that he's got it under control.
or just wear socks next time.
|
>
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yta
this reads like someone who finds out a same sex friend is gay, and forever thinks that friend might come on to them. girl, you aren't that hot. lots of people don't like shoes in the house and he's not going to get turned on by your socked feet.
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yta having a foot fetish doesn't mean hes into your feet. it also doesn't mean he's turned on by socks. while i personally don't like feet it's a pretty common fetish, and asking people to take off their shoes indoors is also very common. likelihood is you've encountered this before and you just haven't known it. what do you think he was going to do, try suck them?
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[deleted]
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info - how old are you? i ask because you sound very naive about what a fetish is or how it works
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yta. just because he finds *some* bare feet almost pornographic doesn't mean he feels that way about *all* bare feet. unless he's done or said anything to indicate he might have a thing for your feet, trust him to be able to restrain himself from lusting over your tootsies. if you really can't stand the thought of him seeing your feet, wear socks.
|
yta and you seem very ignorant. do you also assume every lesbian is in love with you because you're a woman? what an odd and obnoxious request.
|
yta
i have a well-known love for girls, but it doesn't mean i am turned on by anybody but my girlfriend.
the same goes for your feet. he may love feet, but it doesn't automatically mean his head will be turned by any old foot.
|
esh
you’re not an ass to ask for slippers. i think most hosts should have those on hand if they require no shoes.
but you couldn’t say anything else as the reason? eg my feet smell, my socks are ripped, i have blisters, my feet need more support, etc. anything to not basically imply “i’m worried i’m gonna give your bf boners.”
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.022097
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory throwaway. happened this past weekend. so my boyfriend and i were visiting my sister and her boyfriend at their new house. when we step in my sister is like “please take off your shoes, we just got the floors professionally cleaned last week.” awkward. so i pause for a bit because i don’t feel super comfortable going barefeet because her bf has a really well known foot thing. i know this because my sister told me about it when they first started dating. also she’s told me in recent years it’s gotten stronger and he’s apparently told her that bare feet is almost pornographic for him. anyways i pull her to the side and kinda hint at my concerns but she got really offended, saying her bf wouldn’t look at me. but i feel like if some woman walked around topless or equivalent in your house...you’d probably look? in the end she dug out slippers for me from their moving boxes but it took forever and it was super awkward. she was also supremely mad at me since her bf ended up spending like 2 seconds with us before going back to his office to work. maybe i overreacted but was i an asshole to refuse to go barefoot because i felt uncomfortable?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
obligatory throwaway. happened this past weekend. so my boyfriend and i were visiting my sister and her boyfriend at their new house. when we step in my sister is like “please take off your shoes, we just got the floors professionally cleaned last week.” awkward. so i pause for a bit because i don’t feel super comfortable going barefeet because her bf has a really well known foot thing. i know this because my sister told me about it when they first started dating. also she’s told me in recent years it’s gotten stronger and he’s apparently told her that bare feet is almost pornographic for him. anyways i pull her to the side and kinda hint at my concerns but she got really offended, saying her bf wouldn’t look at me. but i feel like if some woman walked around topless or equivalent in your house...you’d probably look? in the end she dug out slippers for me from their moving boxes but it took forever and it was super awkward. she was also supremely mad at me since her bf ended up spending like 2 seconds with us before going back to his office to work. maybe i overreacted but was i an asshole to refuse to go barefoot because i felt uncomfortable? [/INST] esh. your sister shouldn't have told you in the first place -- i'm guessing this guy will be mortified if he finds out you know. more to the point, he's an adult and has probably figured out how to deal with this by now (yours can't be the first unintended foot sighting in his life...). it sucks that your sister put you in this position, but now you have to trust that he's got it under control. or just wear socks next time. </s>
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AITA For calling looking after my son a vacation?
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my (27m) wife (25f) and i have a 11 month old son. when we got pregnant we decided that my wife would stay home for the time being. i would pitch in when i could but i fully admit that she did 90% of all the childcare and domestic work.
i'm a self employed electrician and its been incredibly busy with my leaving home every day at 6:30am and back home around 7pm, often 6 days a week. i still tried to help as best i could especially with the baby as i missed him when i was at work and wanted to bond as well.
a few months ago my wife got an opportunity of helping a friend of hers start a new company, my wife studied business and marketing. its a start up so it wasn't much money but a stake in the company, it was supposed to be for a month but ended up being for 6 weeks.
my wife asked me to take my vacation to be at home so she could take the opportunity and i agreed as i knew she was very excited about the opportunity and we had the money to cover it.
quite simply it was great for me. my work is often very tough physically, bad for eating and drinking on time and in a healthy way, bad for stress and keeping in touch with people.
so being at home i suddenly had so much more free time, slept better even waking up with our son, was able to eat better, relax more, go for walks, talk to friends more, watch movies i wanted to catch up on. most importantly i got to spend time with my son who id been missing.
i also did 100% of the housework, all the cleaning and started making more varied meals for us since i had time now and didn't fancy take out.
my wife started making comments about me trying to hard and i didn't need to prove anything and i would explain it was completely okay. even when our son had an ear infection and wouldn't settle, it was still a lot easier rocking him while watching lord of the rings than crawling through an attic in july!
we were at a dinner over the weekend with all the people involved in starting the new company and i got a few comments asking if i'm glad i can get back to work and i must be happy my wife is home to take over the mess. one of her friends said i was so great giving up my vacation time and i responded it was like a vacation really, that i felt a lot better now after it.
my wife was visibly annoyed and afterwards said i embarrassed her but wont elaborate and has been basically giving me the silent treatment a little bit. i don't think i did anything wrong but i miss things easily?
| 3,141
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u1uosy/aita_for_calling_looking_after_my_son_a_vacation/
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2022-04-12 09:08:44
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nah a vacation is doing some thing you enjoy rather your regular job - it's great that youve enjoyed your time with your son.
however, i can see why your wife may have taken it the wrong way i.e. suggesting that she doesn't do any work. clearly you didn't so i'd suggest explaining that to her and saying you weren't trying to undermine her in any way.
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honestly nah, i think you two just need to have an actual conversation about it
it sounds to me like she was struggling a lot doing all the housework and childcare herself, so seeing you tell everyone that the things she was doing is 'like a vacation', and making it look like the easiest thing in the world.. you can probably see why that might be embarrassing, and hurt her feelings a bit
at the same time, you arent actually doing anything wrong by enjoying being at home. you just need to talk to eachother!
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nah, it's good you enjoyed your time but....
you've essentially told her as well as all her friends that you don't really value what she does as a mother, because for you it's apparently been easy and like a vacation.
you're exclaiming to all that her life and any other stay at home parent has an easy life.
it's brilliant you had the time to bond with your son, it's great you enjoyed it and even more amazing that you found it so easy.
i think you just need to remember that for many it's not that easy, for many it's not a vacation, 6 weeks is a decent amount of time, but it was still little time in comparison.
i think perhaps you need to chat to your wife and remither you do appreciate what she does as a mother and housewife and you're aware it's not always going to be a breeze!
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nah.
it's a misunderstanding.
it's absolutely brilliant you bonded with your son and enjoyed it, you should be happy about it. especially when people try to force that 'aren't you happy your wife is back?' bs on you, like a father can't enjoy being at home.
but you did accidentally say that you think being a stay-at-home parent is easy and relaxing. that's why your wife was annoyed.
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[deleted]
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nta. but check in with your wife. it’s probably not so easy for her and is upset that you think it’s like a vacation. just try to talk it out.
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nta at all. redditors love to say that stay at home parenting is the hardest job in the world but the fact of the matter is that it isnt.
your wife is mad at you because you made it look easy. she'll get over it. be prepared for all the people who will try to tell you that "ummm it ayackshully is super hard you didn't have to deal with it uhhhh... month two! yeah, yeah, month two is the hard one!" and any other asinine statements to make it seem like you somehow had it easier than her.
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definitely nta. you did a good thing. maybe your wife was surprised it was so easy for you. motherhood is super tough and every woman handles it differently especially for a new mom so maybe she felt some sort of a way about how easy it seemed for you. i don’t think you’re the asshole and hopefully she’ll get over it.
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nta. a break in a physically demanding job is vacation! when did we get to decide what is relaxing for our sposes?
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nah you found being a househusband relaxing and fruitful for your health, and that's great you enjoyed it so much and that it was a nice change of pace for you. your wife probably just feels like you handled being the housespouse (yes, i made that up, and i like it) better than she was able to. something that she must've found hard and exhausting was easier and more calming for you. that's just two different experiences, and you didn't say any of this to make her feel bad, it just felt good to live domestic life for you. it'd be good to talk to her and explain that if you accidentally made her feel bad by saying the housekeeping was nice for you, that you didn't mean anything bad buy it and you appreciate the work she does, it was just a good change of pace for you.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.019171
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (27m) wife (25f) and i have a 11 month old son. when we got pregnant we decided that my wife would stay home for the time being. i would pitch in when i could but i fully admit that she did 90% of all the childcare and domestic work. i'm a self employed electrician and its been incredibly busy with my leaving home every day at 6:30am and back home around 7pm, often 6 days a week. i still tried to help as best i could especially with the baby as i missed him when i was at work and wanted to bond as well. a few months ago my wife got an opportunity of helping a friend of hers start a new company, my wife studied business and marketing. its a start up so it wasn't much money but a stake in the company, it was supposed to be for a month but ended up being for 6 weeks. my wife asked me to take my vacation to be at home so she could take the opportunity and i agreed as i knew she was very excited about the opportunity and we had the money to cover it. quite simply it was great for me. my work is often very tough physically, bad for eating and drinking on time and in a healthy way, bad for stress and keeping in touch with people. so being at home i suddenly had so much more free time, slept better even waking up with our son, was able to eat better, relax more, go for walks, talk to friends more, watch movies i wanted to catch up on. most importantly i got to spend time with my son who id been missing. i also did 100% of the housework, all the cleaning and started making more varied meals for us since i had time now and didn't fancy take out. my wife started making comments about me trying to hard and i didn't need to prove anything and i would explain it was completely okay. even when our son had an ear infection and wouldn't settle, it was still a lot easier rocking him while watching lord of the rings than crawling through an attic in july! we were at a dinner over the weekend with all the people involved in starting the new company and i got a few comments asking if i'm glad i can get back to work and i must be happy my wife is home to take over the mess. one of her friends said i was so great giving up my vacation time and i responded it was like a vacation really, that i felt a lot better now after it. my wife was visibly annoyed and afterwards said i embarrassed her but wont elaborate and has been basically giving me the silent treatment a little bit. i don't think i did anything wrong but i miss things easily?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (27m) wife (25f) and i have a 11 month old son. when we got pregnant we decided that my wife would stay home for the time being. i would pitch in when i could but i fully admit that she did 90% of all the childcare and domestic work. i'm a self employed electrician and its been incredibly busy with my leaving home every day at 6:30am and back home around 7pm, often 6 days a week. i still tried to help as best i could especially with the baby as i missed him when i was at work and wanted to bond as well. a few months ago my wife got an opportunity of helping a friend of hers start a new company, my wife studied business and marketing. its a start up so it wasn't much money but a stake in the company, it was supposed to be for a month but ended up being for 6 weeks. my wife asked me to take my vacation to be at home so she could take the opportunity and i agreed as i knew she was very excited about the opportunity and we had the money to cover it. quite simply it was great for me. my work is often very tough physically, bad for eating and drinking on time and in a healthy way, bad for stress and keeping in touch with people. so being at home i suddenly had so much more free time, slept better even waking up with our son, was able to eat better, relax more, go for walks, talk to friends more, watch movies i wanted to catch up on. most importantly i got to spend time with my son who id been missing. i also did 100% of the housework, all the cleaning and started making more varied meals for us since i had time now and didn't fancy take out. my wife started making comments about me trying to hard and i didn't need to prove anything and i would explain it was completely okay. even when our son had an ear infection and wouldn't settle, it was still a lot easier rocking him while watching lord of the rings than crawling through an attic in july! we were at a dinner over the weekend with all the people involved in starting the new company and i got a few comments asking if i'm glad i can get back to work and i must be happy my wife is home to take over the mess. one of her friends said i was so great giving up my vacation time and i responded it was like a vacation really, that i felt a lot better now after it. my wife was visibly annoyed and afterwards said i embarrassed her but wont elaborate and has been basically giving me the silent treatment a little bit. i don't think i did anything wrong but i miss things easily? [/INST] nah a vacation is doing some thing you enjoy rather your regular job - it's great that youve enjoyed your time with your son. however, i can see why your wife may have taken it the wrong way i.e. suggesting that she doesn't do any work. clearly you didn't so i'd suggest explaining that to her and saying you weren't trying to undermine her in any way. </s>
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AITA for wanting what I think are normal updates from my wife?
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so this is probably an easy one compared to what you all are used to dealing with.
my wife and i have known each other for 20 years, dated for 7, been married for 2. we have a 16 month old daughter together and a great marriage generally speaking. as long as we have known each other, we trust each other without exception regarding things like infidelity, abuse, or any of the serious life altering bad decisions that can happen to a married couple. we have silly bickering type disagreements like i think most couples do but there is never yelling (as neither of us grew up in a home where that was common) and we prefer to talk about what went wrong and come to a mutual agreement as to how to keep it from happening again.
anyways, there is this one issue that has been a recurring disagreement between us that i'm wondering if i'm being unreasonable and should let it go (being an a-hole for being frustrated when it happens) or if i'm justified in asking for.
the wife grew up in a home where once of age she was allowed to go out with friends, come home whenever, and her parents did not expect updates of any kind. i grew up with parents that also let me go out, but they wanted updates about where i was, who i was with, and when they could approximately expect me home.
now i can't get updates about anything from her as my spouse. i have told her time and again that she is allowed to do what she wants, when she wants, and come home whenever you want. i'm your husband not your boss. all i want to know is where you are and when you think you'll be home. and when there's a change please let me know so i'm not home worrying about you. but it doesn't happen. today she left town while i was at work (plans i was well aware of far in advance) but she did not tell me "ok honey i'm getting on the road, love you, i'll let you know when i'm there safe". she just left town and said nothing. and likely would not have said anything when she arrived. i say i deserve these minor updates. she says you knew i was leaving town days ago so why do i have to tell you again when i actually go?
an important part of this rant worth noting is that i'm an ex 911 operator/police dispatcher and i did that job for 10 years. i've heard the worst of tragedies and know how bad it can get... so from that anxiety stems my desire to know she's ok. we can track each other's locations through our phones for safety reasons and we have always been able to, but again, that's not for lack of trust, it's for safety concerns god forbid something bad happens. short of me using it to meet her outside with the baby because she gets excited when mommy gets home it's not something i ever check.
tl;dr: aita for expecting minor updates on wife's activities ("i'm leaving town now", "i got there ok", "girls night changed and i'll be home a little later"), or am i being unreasonable and i should ease up? reasons for updates are safety concerns related, not based in trust problems.
thank you for your help.
| 4,093
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tup1xj/aita_for_wanting_what_i_think_are_normal_updates/
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2022-04-02 18:01:39
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nah. you both have different ways of operating.
she is very independent and not used to reporting to anyone. you did/do the check-in thing. i do think that it would be courteous to say "i'm leaving on the road trip" and to let you know of arrival. don't think it is required though to advise when one is going to the grocery store type of trip.
you 2 need to discuss and come to an agreement, which will likely require compromise on both sides.
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nah. i wouldn’t necessarily say you’re being unreasonable, but i do think you should ease up on expecting “*unsolicited*” updates. if you know she’s leaving town, do you text her “hey, let me know when you leave/get there safe!”? i’m in a relationship with uneven habits like this and my partner is just not wired to give that kind of feedback. if i ask after it i almost always receive an answer though, because they’re considerate. if she just ignores you, that’s another story
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when you’ve got a fucking 16 month old, no nta lol
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nta - minor updates and check ins when one spouse is out without the other is normal for so many obvious reasons
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nta. part of marriage is learning to understand and accommodate another person’s communication style and needs, and what you’re asking for is well within the realm of what she should be willing to do. especially since you have a child; letting the other person know where you are and when to expect you is common courtesy when you have childcare to coordinate. obviously she’s not a monster, but she should be willing to meet you at minimum halfway here.
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info: have you framed this to your wife as for example, "i experience anxiety around this issue and you could help me be less anxious if you let me know when you arrive at your destination"
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nta for wanting to know your wife is safe. but also, out of curiosity, do you ever just text her and say “hey, can you let me know when you make it so i know you’re safe?” or “are you still planning to be home at x-o’clock?”
if you do and she’s ignoring you, that’s a bigger issue, but i would say i’m the type of person to forget to text people especially when i’m out doing things. maybe you could just text her and ask when you want to know something.
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nta i was expecting something like you wanted a text or call every 15 minutes to update you where she was but i was pleasantly surprised.
i think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a simple i'm going out, i'll be back around this time and if things change drastically then a simple hey i'm doing this too. in case something happens, you know where to start looking.
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i'm teetering between no ah and not ah, but i'm ultimately going to go with nta. the reason being that i think the normal reason people send updates (arrived safely, staying out a bit later, etc) is for exactly the reason you described - so that others know that they haven't come to harm. i've even had friends ask me to send those text messages when e.g. i'm heading home from their place late at night and they want to know that i got there safely.
that being said, you can't make her send those messages if she doesn't want to. but you aren't an ah for wanting her to.
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nta. i was always taught that this is common courtesy.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.013266
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this is probably an easy one compared to what you all are used to dealing with. my wife and i have known each other for 20 years, dated for 7, been married for 2. we have a 16 month old daughter together and a great marriage generally speaking. as long as we have known each other, we trust each other without exception regarding things like infidelity, abuse, or any of the serious life altering bad decisions that can happen to a married couple. we have silly bickering type disagreements like i think most couples do but there is never yelling (as neither of us grew up in a home where that was common) and we prefer to talk about what went wrong and come to a mutual agreement as to how to keep it from happening again. anyways, there is this one issue that has been a recurring disagreement between us that i'm wondering if i'm being unreasonable and should let it go (being an a-hole for being frustrated when it happens) or if i'm justified in asking for. the wife grew up in a home where once of age she was allowed to go out with friends, come home whenever, and her parents did not expect updates of any kind. i grew up with parents that also let me go out, but they wanted updates about where i was, who i was with, and when they could approximately expect me home. now i can't get updates about anything from her as my spouse. i have told her time and again that she is allowed to do what she wants, when she wants, and come home whenever you want. i'm your husband not your boss. all i want to know is where you are and when you think you'll be home. and when there's a change please let me know so i'm not home worrying about you. but it doesn't happen. today she left town while i was at work (plans i was well aware of far in advance) but she did not tell me "ok honey i'm getting on the road, love you, i'll let you know when i'm there safe". she just left town and said nothing. and likely would not have said anything when she arrived. i say i deserve these minor updates. she says you knew i was leaving town days ago so why do i have to tell you again when i actually go? an important part of this rant worth noting is that i'm an ex 911 operator/police dispatcher and i did that job for 10 years. i've heard the worst of tragedies and know how bad it can get... so from that anxiety stems my desire to know she's ok. we can track each other's locations through our phones for safety reasons and we have always been able to, but again, that's not for lack of trust, it's for safety concerns god forbid something bad happens. short of me using it to meet her outside with the baby because she gets excited when mommy gets home it's not something i ever check. tl;dr: aita for expecting minor updates on wife's activities ("i'm leaving town now", "i got there ok", "girls night changed and i'll be home a little later"), or am i being unreasonable and i should ease up? reasons for updates are safety concerns related, not based in trust problems. thank you for your help.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this is probably an easy one compared to what you all are used to dealing with. my wife and i have known each other for 20 years, dated for 7, been married for 2. we have a 16 month old daughter together and a great marriage generally speaking. as long as we have known each other, we trust each other without exception regarding things like infidelity, abuse, or any of the serious life altering bad decisions that can happen to a married couple. we have silly bickering type disagreements like i think most couples do but there is never yelling (as neither of us grew up in a home where that was common) and we prefer to talk about what went wrong and come to a mutual agreement as to how to keep it from happening again. anyways, there is this one issue that has been a recurring disagreement between us that i'm wondering if i'm being unreasonable and should let it go (being an a-hole for being frustrated when it happens) or if i'm justified in asking for. the wife grew up in a home where once of age she was allowed to go out with friends, come home whenever, and her parents did not expect updates of any kind. i grew up with parents that also let me go out, but they wanted updates about where i was, who i was with, and when they could approximately expect me home. now i can't get updates about anything from her as my spouse. i have told her time and again that she is allowed to do what she wants, when she wants, and come home whenever you want. i'm your husband not your boss. all i want to know is where you are and when you think you'll be home. and when there's a change please let me know so i'm not home worrying about you. but it doesn't happen. today she left town while i was at work (plans i was well aware of far in advance) but she did not tell me "ok honey i'm getting on the road, love you, i'll let you know when i'm there safe". she just left town and said nothing. and likely would not have said anything when she arrived. i say i deserve these minor updates. she says you knew i was leaving town days ago so why do i have to tell you again when i actually go? an important part of this rant worth noting is that i'm an ex 911 operator/police dispatcher and i did that job for 10 years. i've heard the worst of tragedies and know how bad it can get... so from that anxiety stems my desire to know she's ok. we can track each other's locations through our phones for safety reasons and we have always been able to, but again, that's not for lack of trust, it's for safety concerns god forbid something bad happens. short of me using it to meet her outside with the baby because she gets excited when mommy gets home it's not something i ever check. tl;dr: aita for expecting minor updates on wife's activities ("i'm leaving town now", "i got there ok", "girls night changed and i'll be home a little later"), or am i being unreasonable and i should ease up? reasons for updates are safety concerns related, not based in trust problems. thank you for your help. [/INST] nah. you both have different ways of operating. she is very independent and not used to reporting to anyone. you did/do the check-in thing. i do think that it would be courteous to say "i'm leaving on the road trip" and to let you know of arrival. don't think it is required though to advise when one is going to the grocery store type of trip. you 2 need to discuss and come to an agreement, which will likely require compromise on both sides. </s>
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AITA for calling my husband unreasonable for canceling the holiday trip just because me and the kids coupdn't help him in an emergency?
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my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old.
this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there.
he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend.
he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance"
*edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.*
*update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.*
| 24,679
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbguxp/aita_for_calling_my_husband_unreasonable_for/
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2022-12-03 13:56:13
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yta
let’s fix the title of your post:
my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family
edit — thank you kind award givers!
eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas
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yta
medical emergency > hanging out
medical emergency > studying
medical emergency > lunchie munchies
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yta
when there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help. meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, i mean wtf? clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities.
i don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it.
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yta and the two kids, its not that you couldn't help him its that you wouldn't help him and actions have consequences, if you don't do the work you don't get the reward
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yta
>i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time.
and you are his mother??
>he refused because he was going out with friends.
it was a f emergency and you turned your back to your husband and your son. you three, especially you op, are shocking.
poor guys, what a horrible family they have.
you'd be lucky if he only cancels the holydays
eta thanks for all the upvotes and to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment!
eta2 thank you, u/blonderoastme, for the award!
eta3: an update from op:
>he's now choosing to basically _abandon_ us on christmas and also _keep our son away from me and his siblings_
are you serious?
you three abandoned your husband.
you three kept the toddler away from you.
honestly, don't you think you have made enough damage to your image?
and yes, be prepared,most probably you're going to be served papers sooner or later.
congrats.
eta4: thanks u/arcana013 for the award
eta5: thanks to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment
eta6: thanks u/kittenspangles
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just to add, the 3yo is your son too. your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you had to stay at the restaurant? this doesn’t even add up. the father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated? if this is real, i’m going with yta.
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[deleted]
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yta. any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing. you were all selfish. nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. you all suck. that poor man has no support from his own damn family
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yikes...yta (you, your son and your daughter). and i don't blame him for canceling the trip. seems to me you 3 are very self-centered.
also, isn't this your son as well? sorry, but i think you could have easily picked up your kid for lunch and / or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him.
the same goes to your son and daughter. your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him.
you 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your fil?
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congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. selfish.
it was a medical emergency.
i divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging.
enjoy your single life.
yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" *edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.* *update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.*
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" *edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.* *update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.* [/INST] yta let’s fix the title of your post: my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family edit — thank you kind award givers! eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas </s>
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AITA for Telling My Father To Stop Complaining About My Mom Taking Him to An Expensive Michelin Starred Restaurant?
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my mom works while my father stays at home, and we’re decently comfortable. my mom and i are quite close.
while my dad is fine with my mom spending her money on investments or vacations, he wasn’t when she took us to an expensive restaurant yesterday. my mom had some success with her business, and she wanted to celebrate by taking me to a restaurant i recommended (but didn’t suggest to go or force her on it) and the meal costs about a thousand dollars.
my mom and i had been excited about the dinner the entire week, and we really enjoyed the food and the atmosphere, but my dad kept complaining throughout the entire meal about how this is too expensive, my mom “gives you[me] everything you want” and that she’s spoiling me. my mom explained that though i suggested the restaurant, she wanted to try it out too and enjoyed it. i can see my mom’s annoyed with my dad but she’s too nice to tell him about it.
after enduring an hour of complaining, i told my dad he’s ruining the day, and my mom is allowed to decide what she wants to spend her money on and deserve to have a nice dinner when she wants one. my father thinks i disrespected him and his masculinity, and called me an a-hole. he’s really mad at me and stopped talking to me. i’m mad at him too.
aita? i’m really sorry if i sound entitled or self-absorbed.
this is the last thing i’ll say about this whole “comfortable” vs “rich argument. it’s a matter of word choice, not denial. comfortable is a common euphemism in my culture and social circle, and i now realize it has more different meanings, so i’ll use words like “well-off” from now on. i’m sorry if this offended anybody, that would be the furthest from my intentions. i’m 100% aware that my mother’s income puts us in the top 10%, and we lead a upper-middle class lifestyle (different from income imo). i’m extremely fortunate to be able to live this way, and i don’t try to down play it in the slightest, just that i described myself in the ways i was taught to growing up. capitalism is a rigged, problematic system, but that does not change from making me describe myself in words i’m uncomfortable with. you can call me whatever you want. please stop trying to make me defend a position i didn’t take (for example, capitalist vs socialist, or me trying to hide our wealth). i know that most commenting are great people, and there’s a lot of interesting perspectives that i learned from. comment whatever you want, judgements, “eat the rich”, etc. but i’ll stop repeating myself in this thread with the above arguments/information. again, sorry if any of this is out of touch or come off as mean, but i’m open to any good-natured debate! thanks and have a great day.
| 2,448
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktotj9/aita_for_telling_my_father_to_stop_complaining/
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2021-01-09 10:52:10
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esh. your mother can spend her money how she likes, sure. but i'm assuming she and your dad share finances to some extent, and you do sound a little spoiled and out-of-touch, so your dad's probably worried about that:
>we’re decently comfortable...the meal costs about a thousand dollars...she only has 3-5 luxury purses
your mother's rich.
**
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nta, he *was* ruining the meal. if he truly has problems with your your mum spends the money she earns, he should bring that up with her privately like a mature adult, not whine his way through what's supposed to be a celebration.
the masculinity comment makes me wonder if he's insecure about not being able to afford things like this himself, and he's just projecting on you.
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esh. you're an ah for this:
>my mom is allowed to decide what she wants to spend her money
it's not your mom's money. it's both of their money and they should decide together how it's spent.
your dad's an ah for compaining the whole time during the dinner. he should have had a conversation with your mom beforehand, and went along with whatever they both decided on.
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esh.
your dad should not have been passive-aggressively complaining throughout the dinner. that’s just childish and stupid.
but the claim that the money is your mother’s is just wrong. if they’re partners, then it’s their money, not just hers, and she should not make unilateral financial decisions. and if „this is my money, because i’m the earner here!“ is a running commentary in your household, i can understand him being a little uptight.
why doesn’t he work? is he unable, or unwilling? what is he doing instead? is he taking care of small children in the house, or the chores?
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nta. everyone on here critiquing op for describing herself as comfortable are the ahs
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>i can see my mom’s annoyed with my dad but she’s too nice to tell him about it.
>
>after enduring an hour of complaining, i told my dad he’s ruining the day, and my mom is allowed to decide what she wants to spend her money on and deserve to have a nice dinner when she wants one.
if your mother, in her infinite wisdom with all her business savvy that allows for $1k dinners and "3-5 luxury purses", decided to not throw down and call out your father, your should have respected that and kept quiet. you were out of line. it is not your place to decide when your mother is being too nice.
from your overall description, your dad was an asshole. i do wonder what his side of the story would be—as told by him—and what your mom's side of the story would be—as told by her. but given what we have is your description of events, i'm going with **esh**. (you and your dad, not your mom, from what you described.)
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esh. yes your dad shouldn’t have been complaining during the meal, if your mum works hard she should get some luxuries. but you do sound out of touch, i’m not saying this to be mean but if this is what you describe as ‘decently comfortable’ yeah, you kinda are out of touch.
also although your mum is the one earning the money, they will be sharing the finances and he gets a say in how they’re spent. it’s not your place to decide your mum is just being too polite to tell your dad she’s annoyed and step in yourself.
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nta. it's normal to go out and spend a bit after a promotion. the night was about her, not you. the fact your dad shifted it on you as if she's spoiling you is beyond stupid. instead of enjoying it, he chose to complain. he did ruin the day, probably as a way to hide his insecurities that she's the provider. i mean that comment alone:
> my father thinks i disrespected him and his masculinity
if he has such issues he should go to therapy. not project his insecurities on you.
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fun fact the michelin star rating system is by michelin tires
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esh. him for whining and fighting with his child, her for taking you out and then letting it get uncomfortable, and you for repeatedly sneering at people who point out that a 1k celebration meal absolutely counts you as rich even if you aren't irresponsible with your fortune.
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.707107
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom works while my father stays at home, and we’re decently comfortable. my mom and i are quite close. while my dad is fine with my mom spending her money on investments or vacations, he wasn’t when she took us to an expensive restaurant yesterday. my mom had some success with her business, and she wanted to celebrate by taking me to a restaurant i recommended (but didn’t suggest to go or force her on it) and the meal costs about a thousand dollars. my mom and i had been excited about the dinner the entire week, and we really enjoyed the food and the atmosphere, but my dad kept complaining throughout the entire meal about how this is too expensive, my mom “gives you[me] everything you want” and that she’s spoiling me. my mom explained that though i suggested the restaurant, she wanted to try it out too and enjoyed it. i can see my mom’s annoyed with my dad but she’s too nice to tell him about it. after enduring an hour of complaining, i told my dad he’s ruining the day, and my mom is allowed to decide what she wants to spend her money on and deserve to have a nice dinner when she wants one. my father thinks i disrespected him and his masculinity, and called me an a-hole. he’s really mad at me and stopped talking to me. i’m mad at him too. aita? i’m really sorry if i sound entitled or self-absorbed. this is the last thing i’ll say about this whole “comfortable” vs “rich argument. it’s a matter of word choice, not denial. comfortable is a common euphemism in my culture and social circle, and i now realize it has more different meanings, so i’ll use words like “well-off” from now on. i’m sorry if this offended anybody, that would be the furthest from my intentions. i’m 100% aware that my mother’s income puts us in the top 10%, and we lead a upper-middle class lifestyle (different from income imo). i’m extremely fortunate to be able to live this way, and i don’t try to down play it in the slightest, just that i described myself in the ways i was taught to growing up. capitalism is a rigged, problematic system, but that does not change from making me describe myself in words i’m uncomfortable with. you can call me whatever you want. please stop trying to make me defend a position i didn’t take (for example, capitalist vs socialist, or me trying to hide our wealth). i know that most commenting are great people, and there’s a lot of interesting perspectives that i learned from. comment whatever you want, judgements, “eat the rich”, etc. but i’ll stop repeating myself in this thread with the above arguments/information. again, sorry if any of this is out of touch or come off as mean, but i’m open to any good-natured debate! thanks and have a great day.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom works while my father stays at home, and we’re decently comfortable. my mom and i are quite close. while my dad is fine with my mom spending her money on investments or vacations, he wasn’t when she took us to an expensive restaurant yesterday. my mom had some success with her business, and she wanted to celebrate by taking me to a restaurant i recommended (but didn’t suggest to go or force her on it) and the meal costs about a thousand dollars. my mom and i had been excited about the dinner the entire week, and we really enjoyed the food and the atmosphere, but my dad kept complaining throughout the entire meal about how this is too expensive, my mom “gives you[me] everything you want” and that she’s spoiling me. my mom explained that though i suggested the restaurant, she wanted to try it out too and enjoyed it. i can see my mom’s annoyed with my dad but she’s too nice to tell him about it. after enduring an hour of complaining, i told my dad he’s ruining the day, and my mom is allowed to decide what she wants to spend her money on and deserve to have a nice dinner when she wants one. my father thinks i disrespected him and his masculinity, and called me an a-hole. he’s really mad at me and stopped talking to me. i’m mad at him too. aita? i’m really sorry if i sound entitled or self-absorbed. this is the last thing i’ll say about this whole “comfortable” vs “rich argument. it’s a matter of word choice, not denial. comfortable is a common euphemism in my culture and social circle, and i now realize it has more different meanings, so i’ll use words like “well-off” from now on. i’m sorry if this offended anybody, that would be the furthest from my intentions. i’m 100% aware that my mother’s income puts us in the top 10%, and we lead a upper-middle class lifestyle (different from income imo). i’m extremely fortunate to be able to live this way, and i don’t try to down play it in the slightest, just that i described myself in the ways i was taught to growing up. capitalism is a rigged, problematic system, but that does not change from making me describe myself in words i’m uncomfortable with. you can call me whatever you want. please stop trying to make me defend a position i didn’t take (for example, capitalist vs socialist, or me trying to hide our wealth). i know that most commenting are great people, and there’s a lot of interesting perspectives that i learned from. comment whatever you want, judgements, “eat the rich”, etc. but i’ll stop repeating myself in this thread with the above arguments/information. again, sorry if any of this is out of touch or come off as mean, but i’m open to any good-natured debate! thanks and have a great day. [/INST] esh. your mother can spend her money how she likes, sure. but i'm assuming she and your dad share finances to some extent, and you do sound a little spoiled and out-of-touch, so your dad's probably worried about that: >we’re decently comfortable...the meal costs about a thousand dollars...she only has 3-5 luxury purses your mother's rich. ** </s>
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AITA for telling my sister the name she picked out for her baby is stupid?
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my sister did a gender reveal and it’s a girl. the name is going to be gucci paris. we are a poor family who has never been to paris but my sister will spend thousands on designer things as a nurse assistant. she also lives with my parents. now her baby daddy lives with my parents.
they said there are setting the tone for the next generation and names matter. i told my sister the name sounded like a street walker or a list from a brothel. i guess if that’s the goal you want for your daughter then go ahead and name her something that stupid.
this started an argument and the baby daddy asked me to leave. i told them i would send their daughter a bunch of singles so she could get used to her new career. my mom is pissed but agrees it’s a stupid name but there were more tactful ways to get my point across than calling my future niece names.
| 2,142
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y27ydi/aita_for_telling_my_sister_the_name_she_picked/
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2022-10-12 16:09:01
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esh
calling an unborn a prostitute isn’t the best way to deliver a message. but the name is a bad choice
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esh - what a trashy name. do you want to announce to the world that you are totally déclassé? everyone from now until the child passes away as an old woman is immediately going to think she's trashy and from a trashy family. why would your sister set her child to to fail like that?
however, it does cross a like to compare the baby to a prostitute. that's extremely hurtful and you should apologise.
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nta. naming the child gucci paris is borderline child abuse.
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nta - imagine that poor child trying to get a job when she’s older with a name like gucci paris. people are going to talk about it constantly. they’re better off hearing it now before they go ahead and actually name the poor girl that.
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esh but you are the absolute worst ah in this situation.
>i told them i would send their daughter a bunch of singles so she could get used to her new career.
this is not an okay thing to say about an infant. in any universe. grow up.
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nta
it is objectively stupid, and not yet set in stone.
thats the only time you can comment on tattoos and baby names- *before they actually exist.*
once she signs the birth certificate, you shut up and make the best of it.
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nta, because that was funny as hell. gucci isn’t even a pretty word. i get aspirational naming but it should be something that at least sounds pleasant, like launer london, q2’s favorite handbag designer comes to mind.
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nta, little hopefully not gucci paris will thank you for shaming her parents into a more conventional name.
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nta stupid people need to be told they're stupid. it's a baby, not a toy poodle.
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nta at least pick a brand that‘s actually from paris and not italian 🙄
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.139196
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister did a gender reveal and it’s a girl. the name is going to be gucci paris. we are a poor family who has never been to paris but my sister will spend thousands on designer things as a nurse assistant. she also lives with my parents. now her baby daddy lives with my parents. they said there are setting the tone for the next generation and names matter. i told my sister the name sounded like a street walker or a list from a brothel. i guess if that’s the goal you want for your daughter then go ahead and name her something that stupid. this started an argument and the baby daddy asked me to leave. i told them i would send their daughter a bunch of singles so she could get used to her new career. my mom is pissed but agrees it’s a stupid name but there were more tactful ways to get my point across than calling my future niece names.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister did a gender reveal and it’s a girl. the name is going to be gucci paris. we are a poor family who has never been to paris but my sister will spend thousands on designer things as a nurse assistant. she also lives with my parents. now her baby daddy lives with my parents. they said there are setting the tone for the next generation and names matter. i told my sister the name sounded like a street walker or a list from a brothel. i guess if that’s the goal you want for your daughter then go ahead and name her something that stupid. this started an argument and the baby daddy asked me to leave. i told them i would send their daughter a bunch of singles so she could get used to her new career. my mom is pissed but agrees it’s a stupid name but there were more tactful ways to get my point across than calling my future niece names. [/INST] esh calling an unborn a prostitute isn’t the best way to deliver a message. but the name is a bad choice </s>
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AITA for sitting back and doing nothing when mom told my wife that she'd take us to court for grandparents right?
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this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand.
so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work.
liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose.
sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.
situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court.
aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.
| 15,716
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snu4c8/aita_for_sitting_back_and_doing_nothing_when_mom/
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2022-02-08 20:34:31
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yta. your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with her). that is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*. are you okay with moving to a new city? sounds like you are. why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you?
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>insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.
it may have been her idea, but you agreed to it. if you had an issue with moving, you should have had that conversation with your wife. agreeing with it to your wife's face and then letting your mom do the dirty work of fighting her about it is cowardly and passive aggressive. the fact that you are continuing to sit there like a bump on a log while your relatives harass your wife is failing hardcore as a spouse.
get your mother out of your marriage or you won't *have* a marriage.
yta.
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lol you're spineless, and yta. thats your family and kids, your mother doesnt get to decide and at no point does being upset allow you to be unhinged like your mom.
absolutely pathetic behavior.
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yta. yta. yta.
are you effing serious!!!!
* op said:
* **told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first**
you are the biggest asshole for this.
**how do you stand back and not support your wife.** you are placing all of the blame on your wife.
look at how easily your mother went disrespectful to your wife. *grandma can jump her ass on a plane or use the all of these appss such as facetime/zoom/ skype/ whatsapp/text/duo etc etc etc to see her precious grandchildren*
* **your mother can not dictate what you and your wife do in your lives**
your mom does not financially provide for your children. she is involved in babysitting and being a grandmother.
i hope when your wife finishes with your mother in court, she goes straight to divorce court and leaves your sorry self with your "mommy"
dude you are such the asshole.
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yta. you married and had kids with liz, not your mother. are you really okay with your mom threatening to take your children?
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yta x 1000.
you should've put your mom in her place, and in no uncertain terms. her behaviour and threats are outrageous!
(or maybe, when your wife and kids move, you should stay behind with your mommy?)
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lol, waiting for the “my wife wants a divorce and i don’t know what i did wrong” update. yta, and a soon to be divorced and living with your mom asshole, but at least she’ll still get to see your kids when you get visitation! silver linings
|
looks like poor liz will be going to court twice.
once for a restraining order for your overbearing psycho mother, and the second to divorce your spineless self.
good thing she has the income.
yta
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yta- your mom has raised her kids, she doesn't get to insult your wife and threaten court dates because you guys are moving. support your wife or you'll be back living with your mom as well. no one is punishing your mom, it's called life and things happen.
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info: do you agree with your mom that the kids should stay with her after you move?
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand. so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work. liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose. sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea. situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court. aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this situation is a bit of a mess. i'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand. so my wife liz and i have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. mom would take the kids while my wife and i work. liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. i agreed since i could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose. sunday, mom and liz got into a huge fight because liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer "needed". mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move. liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and liz snapped and told mom to butt out of private matters that don't concern her. and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids. liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. she told me to check my mom but i told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - i honestly told liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first. liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe i didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. i said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction. liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is my problem and i should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea. situation hasn't been resolved and liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights. i choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court. aita? i get that liz wants my support but i feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids. [/INST] yta. your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with her). that is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*. are you okay with moving to a new city? sounds like you are. why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you? </s>
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AITA I don’t want to split the rebate I receive from being on the Board of Director’s of my HOA with my wife
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wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though
i do all the work. am i the asshole?
| 11,390
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z8xvn5/aita_i_dont_want_to_split_the_rebate_i_receive/
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2022-11-30 17:47:30
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yta
there is no hoa fee on your unit. making your wife pay you $200 is just bizarre.
do you even like your wife?
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another example how hoas mostly attract ahs.
&#x200b;
yta
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couldn't imagine being in such a transactional marriage.
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yta you’re fighting your wife over $200 while your account is full of posts about designer products? smh
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yta, if she uses a coupon on groceries, do you pay her half of the price difference? if not, there's your answer, windfalls for the family are windfalls for the family, no matter who 'does the work'.
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yta. the fees waived on ur unit. not just on you.
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info i’m so confused. if the fee is waived why aren’t you just splitting only the mortgage in half now? are you expecting her to pay $200 to you?
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yta, are you really fighting with your wife over money saved on the household and causing the worst fights? do you not believe that you guys are a team? i pity your wife.
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“i’m leaning towards just giving in…” i looked to the comments and he does not seem ready to give in
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are you married or not? in what sense is a given $200 yours and not hers?
yta because marriage is a partnership.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though i do all the work. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though i do all the work. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta there is no hoa fee on your unit. making your wife pay you $200 is just bizarre. do you even like your wife? </s>
|
AITA for shutting down talk about having kids with “purposely controversial statements?”
|
our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago.
we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip.
mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!”
husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it.
mil: well, i don’t care.
husband: again, drop it.
mil: i hope it happens!
husband: thankfully we’re very careful.
mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you.
husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on?
we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine.
until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.”
it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug.
mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure!
husband & i lock eyes. party’s over.
me: that is exactly what abortions are for.
cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice.
husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it.
husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want.
party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.”
i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line.
reddit, we are the assholes here?
| 23,961
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hklj0n/aita_for_shutting_down_talk_about_having_kids/
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2020-07-03 15:55:56
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nta. you both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. life is too short for this kind of drama.
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nta at all; they started it. i also would've asked them why they're so interested in your sex life lol.
long term though you may consider using the grey rock method with them which might have more sustainable results.
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nta. kids aren’t for everyone and i hate the culture of pushing people to have them. people don’t realize that if those child free people are forced to have children they don’t want, terrible things happen (i’m not saying in every instance, but it does happen). abuse, neglect, maybe not criminal neglect, but there is definitely the feeling of being unwanted.
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nta, but you have an extremely wonderful husband.
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nta
why can't your mother in law accept that you two don't want kids.
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>and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!”
the perfect time to start working on a baby is when you're quarantined because of a lethal pandemic with no end in sight? lol okay.
>husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want.
great job to the husband, wow 🏆
anyway, nta, they were salivating over the thought of you getting accidentally knocked up and they're mad that you mention abortion? literally the fuck do they expect.
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nta. that’s some r/justnomil material right there. your in laws actively and purposefully refused to respect your boundaries and reproductive choices.
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nta they were boundary stomping and repeatedly asked to stop. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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nta - and no not "every mom lives to see her babies have babies" i have 2 kids, both of whom are entry level adults, both of whom want to be childfree forever. i told them great! don't want them please don't have them!
if i get a "need to be a grandma" bug then my grandpets can get many toys and treats!
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nta, i came off as a child-hater for years even tho i’ve been great at caring for kids for most of my life. i did it because i wanted people to leave us the hell alone about having them. 14yrs(12 in marriage)into our relationship we decided to have a child, she’ll be 1yo soon, it was just the right time for us and we’re happy. however, this shit is no joke, it’s hard and frustrating and it is perfectly fine if you don’t ever want it. people outside of your marriage don’t get a say, you shot it down over and over and they wouldn’t let it go. they’re ta’s for that, you did good!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago. we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip. mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it. mil: well, i don’t care. husband: again, drop it. mil: i hope it happens! husband: thankfully we’re very careful. mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you. husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on? we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine. until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.” it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug. mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure! husband & i lock eyes. party’s over. me: that is exactly what abortions are for. cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice. husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it. husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.” i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line. reddit, we are the assholes here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago. we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip. mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it. mil: well, i don’t care. husband: again, drop it. mil: i hope it happens! husband: thankfully we’re very careful. mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you. husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on? we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine. until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.” it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug. mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure! husband & i lock eyes. party’s over. me: that is exactly what abortions are for. cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice. husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it. husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.” i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line. reddit, we are the assholes here? [/INST] nta. you both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. life is too short for this kind of drama. </s>
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to start making me breakfast every morning?
|
i (27m) have been living with my girlfriend (29f) for several months now. for the most part things are really good and i plan to propose soon and hopefully have at least a couple of kids with her.
however we've run up against a conflict.
she's an absolute morning person. i hate mornings. by the time i force myself out of bed in the morning and into the shower she's already been up for at least 30 minutes--even though she has to be at work later than i do--and is at the stove making breakfast. she likes a huge breakfast in the morning. she usually has eggs, either french toast or pancakes, hashbrowns or breakfast potatoes, and sausage or bacon. sometimes on weekends it's ham or steak. she eats almost nothing for lunch and usually has a smallish dinner but she loves a huge breakfast.
meanwhile i only ever have cold cereal for breakfast, or maybe if i'm feeling really ambitious some instant oatmeal and orange juice. i only even start to come alive halfway through my second cup of coffee and definitely don't feel like cooking in the morning.
however my girlfriend obviously does. so recently i asked her if she'd start making breakfast for me, too. she asked if we were going to trade off and if i'd sometimes make breakfast for her, too. i told her "no" but reminded her that i do often make dinner for her. she said that since we trade off making dinner we should trade off making breakfast, too. i told her that there is no way i'll ever be able to muster that kind of energy first thing in the morning, but that since she obviously can that she should just make me breakfast too. i said that it would take next to no extra effort on her part to throw in a couple more eggs, strips of bacon, an extra portion of hashbrowns, etc since she's already doing it for herself, anyway. but it started a fight, with her saying that it wasn't fair for me to expect her to think of me in the morning since i don't do the same for her.
she seems to think that her making breakfast for me should figure into our division of labor and that i should do something extra in return. but i think that since she makes a huge breakfast for herself every morning anyway that throwing an extra portion of whatever she's making on for me would take next-to no effort on her part, so why should i have to do more for her in return than i already do?
| 18,085
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z5ys4j/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_start_making_me/
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2022-11-27 11:17:42
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yta lmfao
"oh so we'll take turns making breakfast for each other? :d" "oh.. no you'll just make food for me, it's no extra effort for you anyways"
the cheek on you.
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yta. you should make dinner every night if you want her to make you breakfast daily.
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you’re talking about proposing and kids.
will she never get a morning off from kids because you hate mornings? she’s already up so she should be the one to pack bags and lunches and cook everyone breakfast? she’s breastfeeding so you never need to cover the night wake ups? she’s home earlier “often” and that’s the person who starts dinner and picks up the kids and deals with the homework but you’re totally doing 50/50. she’s washing her clothes anyway so it’s no extra effort to put yours in - then fold them and put them away cause she’s doing that for the rest of the load right?
it sounds like she already feels like she’s doing more and now you’re asking for something else. if it would require effort and energy for you to do it, it requires effort and energy for her to do it. this may be a small amount of additional energy for this one thing but it makes me wonder if she’s already feeling that she’s putting out significantly more effort for household duties as it stands.
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i’m trying to understand because i didn’t get it.
you want her to maker breakfast for two in the morning because you don’t have the strength to but it’s not supposed to count as a chore like the rest?
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yta. if you want her to cook you breakfast every morning, you should cook dinner every night.
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if waking up 30 min earlier and helping make breakfast feels impossible—and you somehow think you’ll have kids someday and preserve this childish preference—then yta.
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ah, i remember the early days of counting up all you do and all they do. the worst part, but natural to have to get past.
my problem here is your unwillingness to try. or to say, is there anything else i could do because i'd appreciate it so much even if you could make me a breakfast every once and a while.
also that you think it's going to be 0 less effort. not true, nor is the cost.
there's bound to be a way to sort it but it's about your attitudes.
good luck.
|
you are not an asshole for asking. you are absolutely an asshole for insisting after she made a very reasonable suggestion. you already share dinner cooking responsibilities, so it is perfectly reasonable to request the same for breakfast. you just want to take advantage of the fact she is up. and no it isn't just slapping down some extra food. all the planning and prep work also changes. so no, it isn't just slap on a couple of extra things and call it good. if you don't want to share in that work too, then i don't blame her at all for turning you down.
yta
|
idk i mean i would never cook food in our house while my boyfriend is home without offering to make some for him. but at the same time something about your attitude in this post makes me think she has her reasons for not wanting to do something nice for you. the thing you’re asking for is generally reasonable but your whole tone about it is weirdly entitled and annoying.
does she agree that things are really good in your relationship? i’d be questioning that assumption right now if i were you. a person who feels loved and happy in their relationship is generally glad to do something like this for their partner. the fact that she went to asking you to do something to balance it out makes me think there’s an imbalance in other parts of your relationship. either that or she’s just very transactional about things. hard to give a judgement on this one without knowing the people and relationship involved better.
|
>so why should i have to do more for her in return than i already do?
because you are asking her to do something for you. like, obviously you should offer do something for her too. if she makes breakfast every morning you do dinner every night, or some other mutually agreed upon task. yta
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (27m) have been living with my girlfriend (29f) for several months now. for the most part things are really good and i plan to propose soon and hopefully have at least a couple of kids with her. however we've run up against a conflict. she's an absolute morning person. i hate mornings. by the time i force myself out of bed in the morning and into the shower she's already been up for at least 30 minutes--even though she has to be at work later than i do--and is at the stove making breakfast. she likes a huge breakfast in the morning. she usually has eggs, either french toast or pancakes, hashbrowns or breakfast potatoes, and sausage or bacon. sometimes on weekends it's ham or steak. she eats almost nothing for lunch and usually has a smallish dinner but she loves a huge breakfast. meanwhile i only ever have cold cereal for breakfast, or maybe if i'm feeling really ambitious some instant oatmeal and orange juice. i only even start to come alive halfway through my second cup of coffee and definitely don't feel like cooking in the morning. however my girlfriend obviously does. so recently i asked her if she'd start making breakfast for me, too. she asked if we were going to trade off and if i'd sometimes make breakfast for her, too. i told her "no" but reminded her that i do often make dinner for her. she said that since we trade off making dinner we should trade off making breakfast, too. i told her that there is no way i'll ever be able to muster that kind of energy first thing in the morning, but that since she obviously can that she should just make me breakfast too. i said that it would take next to no extra effort on her part to throw in a couple more eggs, strips of bacon, an extra portion of hashbrowns, etc since she's already doing it for herself, anyway. but it started a fight, with her saying that it wasn't fair for me to expect her to think of me in the morning since i don't do the same for her. she seems to think that her making breakfast for me should figure into our division of labor and that i should do something extra in return. but i think that since she makes a huge breakfast for herself every morning anyway that throwing an extra portion of whatever she's making on for me would take next-to no effort on her part, so why should i have to do more for her in return than i already do?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (27m) have been living with my girlfriend (29f) for several months now. for the most part things are really good and i plan to propose soon and hopefully have at least a couple of kids with her. however we've run up against a conflict. she's an absolute morning person. i hate mornings. by the time i force myself out of bed in the morning and into the shower she's already been up for at least 30 minutes--even though she has to be at work later than i do--and is at the stove making breakfast. she likes a huge breakfast in the morning. she usually has eggs, either french toast or pancakes, hashbrowns or breakfast potatoes, and sausage or bacon. sometimes on weekends it's ham or steak. she eats almost nothing for lunch and usually has a smallish dinner but she loves a huge breakfast. meanwhile i only ever have cold cereal for breakfast, or maybe if i'm feeling really ambitious some instant oatmeal and orange juice. i only even start to come alive halfway through my second cup of coffee and definitely don't feel like cooking in the morning. however my girlfriend obviously does. so recently i asked her if she'd start making breakfast for me, too. she asked if we were going to trade off and if i'd sometimes make breakfast for her, too. i told her "no" but reminded her that i do often make dinner for her. she said that since we trade off making dinner we should trade off making breakfast, too. i told her that there is no way i'll ever be able to muster that kind of energy first thing in the morning, but that since she obviously can that she should just make me breakfast too. i said that it would take next to no extra effort on her part to throw in a couple more eggs, strips of bacon, an extra portion of hashbrowns, etc since she's already doing it for herself, anyway. but it started a fight, with her saying that it wasn't fair for me to expect her to think of me in the morning since i don't do the same for her. she seems to think that her making breakfast for me should figure into our division of labor and that i should do something extra in return. but i think that since she makes a huge breakfast for herself every morning anyway that throwing an extra portion of whatever she's making on for me would take next-to no effort on her part, so why should i have to do more for her in return than i already do? [/INST] yta lmfao "oh so we'll take turns making breakfast for each other? :d" "oh.. no you'll just make food for me, it's no extra effort for you anyways" the cheek on you. </s>
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AITA For refusing to get my cousin into a top university because of a "prank?"
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as all family stories this is winding, complex, and ultimately uninteresting so i'll try to keep it simple.
a few years back, my cousin, then 14 years old, pulled a very nasty and dangerous "prank" on me. i got a call in the middle of the night during a blizzard from my grandparent's phone number with someone wheezing on the other end. i jumped out of bed, got in my car, and drove 25 minutes on icy roads to their house. i couldn't reach their number again from my cell but i was able to call an ambulance.
when i arrived, i found two paramedics in my grandparent's foyer chatting with them as if nothing was wrong. long story short, my cousin (grandparents' other grand child) had called me using their phone number (using skype or something) to play a joke on me. it was apparently lost on him that driving on icy roads in the middle of the night would be dangerous. my car suffered some damage that night, but ultimately i'm far more upset about the depravity that would lead my otherwise mild-mannered cousin to make me believe my grandparents were dying.
fast forward three years and now my cousin is a junior in high school. his mother (my aunt) has asked me to leverage my connections at a top university to get him a seat in their class that starts fall 2021. for starters his sat and act scores are middling, so that's already a disqualifier, but ffs why would i help him out after what he did to me? i told her on no uncertain terms: **no**. afterwards i went as far to call my connection at the university to flag any application from my cousin.
despite my family's insistence that he be punished and possibly committed to an institution for his "prank", his parents and even my grandparents have downplayed the entire thing as a "boys would be boys" prank. as far as i know he hasn't done anything like that since, but there were never any repercussions nor was there ever an apology.
my grandparents, aunt, and uncle have now disinvited me from family events including thanksgiving and christmas unless i help pull strings for my cousin. my parents have been great and have said they won't be participating either if i'm not invited. however, i'm still getting barraged with emails, texts, and calls from the rest of my family calling me names and demanding i do this for him and not let his future be ruined by a simple "prank".
what do you think reddit? am i being too hard on him?
| 3,112
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fqvmn2/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_cousin_into_a_top/
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2020-03-28 23:55:35
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esh. actions have consequences and he should have thought about that before burning that relationship with you down.
i don't think you owe him string-pulling or a reccomendation; however i think you went too far by actively interfering with his application.
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esh. you are in no way obligated to “pull strings” to help your cousin get in.
your family are being assholes by harassing you about the refusal, but you are also in the wrong for actively trying to make sure your cousin can’t get in.
you should just have said no and left it at that. calling to “flag” your cousins application was petty and inappropriate.
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esh.
>asked me to leverage my connections at a top university to get him a seat in their class that starts fall 2021
this should not be happening regardless of a prank. ~~i hope you understand that. if not, you are also an asshole.~~ just saw that you are using your connections to flag his application. that makes you an asshole, too. 'connections' be damned--they should not be used to influence one way or the other.
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esh. that was a pretty messed up joke, but they were *14* at the time ffs. people do all kinds of dumb shit when they are that young. continuing to hold a grudge over that is pretty damn petty. you aren't obligated to help or pull strings for this person, but it was *very* inappropriate of you, and abuse of power, to use your connections to sabotage them. if they most likely weren't going to get in on their own merits anyway, as you say, then there was no reason to do that other than just to be an asshole.
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esh.
he did a stupid thing and should have been punished. that said, institutionalized? seems extreme unless you are omitting a lot of details.
so, his parents suck for not punishing him appropriately, and suck for asking for that type of favour (re college admissions).
your grandparents suck for taking his side on the college issue. you shouldn’t be forced to pull strings - he gets in on his own merit or not at all.
you suck for holding onto a grudge about an awful prank that happened three full years ago. i don’t think you should help him, but there is no need to be flagging his file out of spite.
maybe your parents don’t suck. sounds like they are trying to stay sane in this weird situation and have your back from overreacting family members.
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>leverage my connections at a top university to get him a seat in their class
that would be unethical and probably illegal regardless of the prank. so why is this a question?
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[deleted]
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esh
i have no problem with not using your connections. the moment that you asked his application to be flagged, you became an asshole. you could at least allow the kid to be judged based on his application. nope, you went on to be vindictive.
i agree that you shouldn't help if he isn't qualified.
this is a very long time to hold this grudge, and it is just that. no mention if he ever apologized or not. no way of know who this kid is now.
you are right, he should have been punished. i don't know about "institutionalized". the other adults should not have let this slide. however, a 14 year old doesn't know better.
any lingering anger you have should probably be directed at the adults, not him.
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yta. saying no is one thing. using your connections to flag his application is a spiteful and childish move.
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nta. excuse my french but fuck that
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.212837
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: as all family stories this is winding, complex, and ultimately uninteresting so i'll try to keep it simple. a few years back, my cousin, then 14 years old, pulled a very nasty and dangerous "prank" on me. i got a call in the middle of the night during a blizzard from my grandparent's phone number with someone wheezing on the other end. i jumped out of bed, got in my car, and drove 25 minutes on icy roads to their house. i couldn't reach their number again from my cell but i was able to call an ambulance. when i arrived, i found two paramedics in my grandparent's foyer chatting with them as if nothing was wrong. long story short, my cousin (grandparents' other grand child) had called me using their phone number (using skype or something) to play a joke on me. it was apparently lost on him that driving on icy roads in the middle of the night would be dangerous. my car suffered some damage that night, but ultimately i'm far more upset about the depravity that would lead my otherwise mild-mannered cousin to make me believe my grandparents were dying. fast forward three years and now my cousin is a junior in high school. his mother (my aunt) has asked me to leverage my connections at a top university to get him a seat in their class that starts fall 2021. for starters his sat and act scores are middling, so that's already a disqualifier, but ffs why would i help him out after what he did to me? i told her on no uncertain terms: **no**. afterwards i went as far to call my connection at the university to flag any application from my cousin. despite my family's insistence that he be punished and possibly committed to an institution for his "prank", his parents and even my grandparents have downplayed the entire thing as a "boys would be boys" prank. as far as i know he hasn't done anything like that since, but there were never any repercussions nor was there ever an apology. my grandparents, aunt, and uncle have now disinvited me from family events including thanksgiving and christmas unless i help pull strings for my cousin. my parents have been great and have said they won't be participating either if i'm not invited. however, i'm still getting barraged with emails, texts, and calls from the rest of my family calling me names and demanding i do this for him and not let his future be ruined by a simple "prank". what do you think reddit? am i being too hard on him?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
as all family stories this is winding, complex, and ultimately uninteresting so i'll try to keep it simple. a few years back, my cousin, then 14 years old, pulled a very nasty and dangerous "prank" on me. i got a call in the middle of the night during a blizzard from my grandparent's phone number with someone wheezing on the other end. i jumped out of bed, got in my car, and drove 25 minutes on icy roads to their house. i couldn't reach their number again from my cell but i was able to call an ambulance. when i arrived, i found two paramedics in my grandparent's foyer chatting with them as if nothing was wrong. long story short, my cousin (grandparents' other grand child) had called me using their phone number (using skype or something) to play a joke on me. it was apparently lost on him that driving on icy roads in the middle of the night would be dangerous. my car suffered some damage that night, but ultimately i'm far more upset about the depravity that would lead my otherwise mild-mannered cousin to make me believe my grandparents were dying. fast forward three years and now my cousin is a junior in high school. his mother (my aunt) has asked me to leverage my connections at a top university to get him a seat in their class that starts fall 2021. for starters his sat and act scores are middling, so that's already a disqualifier, but ffs why would i help him out after what he did to me? i told her on no uncertain terms: **no**. afterwards i went as far to call my connection at the university to flag any application from my cousin. despite my family's insistence that he be punished and possibly committed to an institution for his "prank", his parents and even my grandparents have downplayed the entire thing as a "boys would be boys" prank. as far as i know he hasn't done anything like that since, but there were never any repercussions nor was there ever an apology. my grandparents, aunt, and uncle have now disinvited me from family events including thanksgiving and christmas unless i help pull strings for my cousin. my parents have been great and have said they won't be participating either if i'm not invited. however, i'm still getting barraged with emails, texts, and calls from the rest of my family calling me names and demanding i do this for him and not let his future be ruined by a simple "prank". what do you think reddit? am i being too hard on him? [/INST] esh. actions have consequences and he should have thought about that before burning that relationship with you down. i don't think you owe him string-pulling or a reccomendation; however i think you went too far by actively interfering with his application. </s>
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AITA For not "checking" with my boyfriend before I shower?
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\*using a friends reddit account because i don't have one of my own\*
i (26f) recently moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years (26m) as an only child from a family with above average means, i've never shared a bathroom with anyone. in college i lived in a studio apartment alone. (where i was still living before moving in) i've been here about a month now, and things have been going fine except this issue.
&#x200b;
8 out of 10 times i go to take a shower now, my boyfriend barges in to go to the bathroom. he says it's common courtesy that before spending a long time occupying the 1 bathroom, that you check with the other people in the house to make sure no one needs to use the restroom. he is an adult male with zero health issues, so i don't understand why he feels he gets access to the bathroom 24/7. if i were in their for an hour or something i would understand, but holding it for 30 minutes hardly seems like a big deal. i've tried to announce when i go to take a shower, but honestly sometimes i don't think about it, because it's just part of my routine. he gets so frustrated when i don't seek him out to tell him i'll be in the bathroom. that it's causing tension, mainly due to the fact he has started coming in when i'm in the shower if he needs to use the bathroom instead of just waiting. i've started getting annoyed back, because what if i was sick and on the toilet myself for 30 minutes, he'd have to hold it then, so why can't he hold it while i'm in the shower? we are both 100% convinced we are right and neither is willing to budge. aita for not checking whether or not he needs to use the bathroom before i shower?
&#x200b;
| 1,713
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f9btki/aita_for_not_checking_with_my_boyfriend_before_i/
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2020-02-25 15:23:28
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esh.
it's a reasonable request from him that you say "hey i'm going to get in the shower, do you need it first?" if there's only 1 bathroom available, i agree with him that this is common courtesy.
i also agree with you that you should be able to close the bathroom door and occupy it without intrusion for whatever length of time is necessary to do what you need.
he shouldn't be barging in, and you should be giving him a heads-up.
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esh
yes it is common courtesy to ask if someone wants to use the bathroom before claiming it for longer periods of time and 30min are damn long, when you have to use the toilet.
its also common courtesy to not use the bathroom while someone else is showering if its avoidable.
both of you are in the wrong here.
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yta. it’s common courtesy when you only have one bathroom to ask if anyone needs it before you shower
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> he is an adult male with zero health issues, so i don't understand why he feels he gets access to the bathroom 24/7.
because... because he lives there and presumably pays rent as well? yta.
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yta - "hey i'm just going in for a shower" is pretty much common courtesy.
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esh
that is common courtesy. he shouldn’t be barging in, but if he needs something and you’ve been in there ages it can be difficult. my brother does this all the time and it’s frustrating, so letting him know would be best. the more you do it, the easier it will be to remember!
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yta
when you only have one restroom, 4 things are common:
1) whether you’re going to shower or take a dump, you offer the other person an opportunity to use the restroom first.
2) you don’t lock the door so that if they have an emergent restroom need, they can knock and get in.
3) you don’t enter without knocking and you try to avoid disturbing the other person.
4) you take 10 min showers tops. and once you’re done, you open the door if you’re getting ready as a signal that the bathroom is open again. and if someone needs to use it while you’re doing your hair or makeup, you step out and let them use it.
i realize you’re new to the sharing a bathroom thing and aren’t trying to be an ah—but you are being an ah and kind of a princess. “nothing wrong with him, he can wait 30 min”—uh, no. even healthy people often get an urge to go—especially when they hear water running. unless you want him to take to urinating in the kitchen sink, give him a heads up and keep the door unlocked.
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info. hang on, why isn't it okay for him to use the bathroom when you're showering? he's probably done before you're out of the shower right? and it isn't like you've never seen each other naked before.
it seems fair to me that if you don't want him to barge in you need to tell him in advance so he has a chance to go before you shower. him barging in otherwise should be a decent reminder to get that into your system.
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yta. he is right. its common courtesy.
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esh.
learn to share the bathroom. let him know before you go. let him use the bathroom while you shower. tell him to chill a bit.
you being sick and on the toilet is totally different than taking a shower
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.02985
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: \*using a friends reddit account because i don't have one of my own\* i (26f) recently moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years (26m) as an only child from a family with above average means, i've never shared a bathroom with anyone. in college i lived in a studio apartment alone. (where i was still living before moving in) i've been here about a month now, and things have been going fine except this issue. &#x200b; 8 out of 10 times i go to take a shower now, my boyfriend barges in to go to the bathroom. he says it's common courtesy that before spending a long time occupying the 1 bathroom, that you check with the other people in the house to make sure no one needs to use the restroom. he is an adult male with zero health issues, so i don't understand why he feels he gets access to the bathroom 24/7. if i were in their for an hour or something i would understand, but holding it for 30 minutes hardly seems like a big deal. i've tried to announce when i go to take a shower, but honestly sometimes i don't think about it, because it's just part of my routine. he gets so frustrated when i don't seek him out to tell him i'll be in the bathroom. that it's causing tension, mainly due to the fact he has started coming in when i'm in the shower if he needs to use the bathroom instead of just waiting. i've started getting annoyed back, because what if i was sick and on the toilet myself for 30 minutes, he'd have to hold it then, so why can't he hold it while i'm in the shower? we are both 100% convinced we are right and neither is willing to budge. aita for not checking whether or not he needs to use the bathroom before i shower? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
\*using a friends reddit account because i don't have one of my own\* i (26f) recently moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years (26m) as an only child from a family with above average means, i've never shared a bathroom with anyone. in college i lived in a studio apartment alone. (where i was still living before moving in) i've been here about a month now, and things have been going fine except this issue. &#x200b; 8 out of 10 times i go to take a shower now, my boyfriend barges in to go to the bathroom. he says it's common courtesy that before spending a long time occupying the 1 bathroom, that you check with the other people in the house to make sure no one needs to use the restroom. he is an adult male with zero health issues, so i don't understand why he feels he gets access to the bathroom 24/7. if i were in their for an hour or something i would understand, but holding it for 30 minutes hardly seems like a big deal. i've tried to announce when i go to take a shower, but honestly sometimes i don't think about it, because it's just part of my routine. he gets so frustrated when i don't seek him out to tell him i'll be in the bathroom. that it's causing tension, mainly due to the fact he has started coming in when i'm in the shower if he needs to use the bathroom instead of just waiting. i've started getting annoyed back, because what if i was sick and on the toilet myself for 30 minutes, he'd have to hold it then, so why can't he hold it while i'm in the shower? we are both 100% convinced we are right and neither is willing to budge. aita for not checking whether or not he needs to use the bathroom before i shower? &#x200b; [/INST] esh. it's a reasonable request from him that you say "hey i'm going to get in the shower, do you need it first?" if there's only 1 bathroom available, i agree with him that this is common courtesy. i also agree with you that you should be able to close the bathroom door and occupy it without intrusion for whatever length of time is necessary to do what you need. he shouldn't be barging in, and you should be giving him a heads-up. </s>
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AITA for medically tattooing my child under the recommendation of a doctor.
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hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake).
thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went.
this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it.
he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing.
mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart"
she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
| 30,491
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k70qfu/aita_for_medically_tattooing_my_child_under_the/
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2020-12-05 04:07:53
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nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call.
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nta. you took the recommendation from a medical professional and made the decision with your spouse for the safety of your child. absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially for something so small.
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nta
the tattoo is for the safety of both children.
it’s a medical tattoo, just like they do for radiation treatments.
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of course nta. why are you even asking?
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nta. when he’s older, adam is going to love telling people he got his first tattoo when he was one y/o.
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[deleted]
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i think she heard “tattoo” and got upset. then she felt like she was too committed to being upset to admit she was wrong once she realized she was overreacting. nta
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yta, you should have gone with a full face tattoo no wonder everyone was upset.
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[deleted]
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nta- you did something your doctor recommended.
and if anyone calls yta, they better hope they don't have a child thats been circumcised or has their ear pierced both of which are much more medically invasive and not necessary
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita? [/INST] nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call. </s>
|
AITA for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?
|
the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted.
my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people.
and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though.
i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet.
after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at.
my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?
| 24,318
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu8tm5/aita_for_leaving_after_being_told_to_be_quiet_at/
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2022-11-13 17:55:31
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nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries.
also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.
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nta your bf should have warned you before going. how does that meal even help you meet them? i feel a different activity would have made more sense.
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nta
your boyfriend is ta for not warning you that his family is weird af.
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nta
your boyfriend should have warned you in advance that you weren't allowed to speak at the table in his family.
and when it came apparent that you didn't know that was a thing, they could have calmly explained except of shushing you or sending you to the kitchen like a child.
i would have left as well, tbh.
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i would not want to be a part of this family.
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i mean i am going with nta because 1) bf didn’t warn you beforehand 2) because when spoke they just hushed you instead of…idk…taking 10 seconds to explain the rule? i think you were put in an incredibly awkward situation and therefore didn’t really know how to react? also i am someone who laughs when nervous or uncomfortable so i too would of been in trouble.
also i could not have dinner with a family who says absolutely no speaking at the dinner table. i would be incredibly uncomfortable only hearing other peoples eating noises.
|
nta
it’s weird that your boyfriend didn’t give you a heads up though.
|
info: is this a common practice where you are? is it more of an outdated tradition you knew of and had never seen or had you never come across this before?
if it were me in my country i’d absolutely say you’re not an asshole - i’m not sure i could’ve kept a straight face over such an absurd and outlandish request - but that’s on the basis of the cultural norms of the countries i’ve lived in. it really depends on how common this is in your country and how reasonable it was for you to not know about it/for them to expect it.
|
nta cause your bf should've given you a heads up about this unusual tradition
|
nta
they told you to be silent in the rudest, weirdest power play possible. then had the nerve to tell a grown woman to eat alone as a punishment, as if they have the right to punish you.
his family is toxic. this isn't conservative. it's insane. these are the isolated christian types that use it as an excuse to lord power over others. they're obsessed with control and i would bet money that this is only the tip of the ice berg with their unhinged demands.
avoid them op. nothing good will come from that kind of dynamic.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though? [/INST] nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries. also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone. </s>
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AITA for making my husband change ALL the dirty nappies (diapers)?
|
my husband and i had a baby 10 days ago. i was discharged 5 days ago. giving birth to my son was highly traumatic to my body and i'm in pain i never thought was possible to be in.
we're both on parental leave. i mainly lie in bed trying to heal. getting up is extremely painful so i told my husband that he would have to change all nappies and when the baby cries at night he has to get up and hand him to me so i can feed him. at first this was ok but today he told me he's tired of doing all the work and i should change at least some nappies and take him a few times by myself at night. we got into an argument about it. i'm just so angry. i'm in so much pain, literally just pushed out a huge baby and my body is fucked. i haven't slept properly in 4 months and i just want to heal. the pregnancy and birth were so traumatic that i honestly don't understand how anyone can have more than one child. like i love my son but i'm fucked just completely knackered.
my husband says he's tired too and we both wanted to be parents so we should both actually be parents.
| 5,145
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqwdu7/aita_for_making_my_husband_change_all_the_dirty/
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2020-09-11 18:33:51
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nah if you physically can't, then you can't. i won't go as far as to say you're husband is being an asshole. having a newborn is exhausting and a huge adjustment. it sounds like you're really both having to get up at night, which means you're both sleep deprived. but he needs to be sensitive to your physical limitations right now. feel free to join us in r/parenting for support.
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nah - you just had major abdominal surgery. medical recommendations are bedrest, and the only thing you can lift is baby to feed him. you are complying with this. however, if you're still in this much pain after 10 days i would definitely recommend calling the doctor to check if it's normal, you might have an infection.
i'm not gonna call dad ta either, because watching your wife go through traumatic surgery can be very hard on dad's too, he's also operating on zero sleep, and getting accustomed to new fatherly duties without the support he was anticipating.
sucks for you both, but you will get through it, i promise. the first few weeks are the hardest!!
|
nta
you've been taking care of this kid for 40 weeks, had an emergency c-section, are breastfeeding and he's tired after 10 days b/c of diaper changes? yeah, he can suck it up and let you rest and heal.
(for those unaware, newborn poops are small and, usually when breastfeeding, don't smell that bad. dad is tired but he'll live.)
|
nta. it's painful for you to stand up right now. you need to heal. and you're still getting up for every feeding to breastfeed, just not doing it all by yourself. he seriously wants you to haul your broken body out of bed in a haze of pain so he doesn't have to change all the diapers?
|
nta
i was literally in your husband's shoes 5 months ago. no help due to family members having covid. sure, i was tired but didn't matter, baby needs one of us and i'm the only one who can move
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nta.
in your replies you say, that you had an emergency c-section and nearly died giving birth. so go with the speed your body allows you, not any faster or slower.
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nta, since you see following the diacharge instructions the hospital gave you, which was strict bedrest. did your husband agreed to do everything so you could finish recovery at home? don't let these other mothers tell you what they did and make you feel inferior, every birth is different and so are discharge instructions. not everyone has grandparents that can help or can afford a caregiver (or feel is safe b/c of pandemic) husband isn't an ah either he is tired and frustrated too. i would have him re-read the discharge instructions he agreed to, or have him speak with your doctor for a better understanding. congratulations on the new baby and good luck this isn't easy on anyone.
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“tired of doing all the work”???? you just pushed a watermelon through a letterbox. you have done all the work. nta, especially since you’re clearly in too much pain to even get up.
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" he's tired of doing all the work "
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
nta
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nta, for the exact reason you gave.
you just birthed a baby, you deserve to heal in peace (or relative peace). as soon as you feel like you can move without searing pain, you will be able to get up in the middle of the night and share some of the duties.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.002
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i had a baby 10 days ago. i was discharged 5 days ago. giving birth to my son was highly traumatic to my body and i'm in pain i never thought was possible to be in. we're both on parental leave. i mainly lie in bed trying to heal. getting up is extremely painful so i told my husband that he would have to change all nappies and when the baby cries at night he has to get up and hand him to me so i can feed him. at first this was ok but today he told me he's tired of doing all the work and i should change at least some nappies and take him a few times by myself at night. we got into an argument about it. i'm just so angry. i'm in so much pain, literally just pushed out a huge baby and my body is fucked. i haven't slept properly in 4 months and i just want to heal. the pregnancy and birth were so traumatic that i honestly don't understand how anyone can have more than one child. like i love my son but i'm fucked just completely knackered. my husband says he's tired too and we both wanted to be parents so we should both actually be parents.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i had a baby 10 days ago. i was discharged 5 days ago. giving birth to my son was highly traumatic to my body and i'm in pain i never thought was possible to be in. we're both on parental leave. i mainly lie in bed trying to heal. getting up is extremely painful so i told my husband that he would have to change all nappies and when the baby cries at night he has to get up and hand him to me so i can feed him. at first this was ok but today he told me he's tired of doing all the work and i should change at least some nappies and take him a few times by myself at night. we got into an argument about it. i'm just so angry. i'm in so much pain, literally just pushed out a huge baby and my body is fucked. i haven't slept properly in 4 months and i just want to heal. the pregnancy and birth were so traumatic that i honestly don't understand how anyone can have more than one child. like i love my son but i'm fucked just completely knackered. my husband says he's tired too and we both wanted to be parents so we should both actually be parents. [/INST] nah if you physically can't, then you can't. i won't go as far as to say you're husband is being an asshole. having a newborn is exhausting and a huge adjustment. it sounds like you're really both having to get up at night, which means you're both sleep deprived. but he needs to be sensitive to your physical limitations right now. feel free to join us in r/parenting for support. </s>
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AITA for not having sympathy for my daughter having cramps?
|
some background.... we have 4 children (16f, 14m, 12, 7).
it started with me having toothpain last monday and my spouse was out of town on a mandatory company business trip. i called the only dentist in my area that my insurance covers and the earliest appointment they had was friday morning. so i asked my oldest(16) if she could help me out if i needed it and she said 'no problem'.
fast forward to wednesday. i'm in so much pain that i can't even talk and i can barely get any sleep. that's when the problems start. i asked her to please fix spaghetti for dinner, i had just stocked the fridge over the weekend and meal prepped for the week, so she just had to warm up the sauce and boil noodles and she blew up. she started yelling 'why does she have to do it, it's not her responsibility'. i couldn't talk so i typed out 'i asked you if you could help out on monday, you said yes, so can you please do it and stop yelling, my head hurts'. she stormed off, yelling more and more and started slamming doors, you could hear her tossing things around her room and even feel the walls shake, all while muttering. she didn't help and she didn't interact with anyone in the house the whole night. what should've taken 10 minutes, took 30 because my head was killing me and i couldn't stop crying. when my second oldest(14) was done with his homework, he walked into the kitchen and told me to go sit down, that he'll finish up and not to worry. i went to go lay back down.
fast forward to friday, my spouse was already back home and went with me to the dentist. i had a cracked tooth and the start of an infection. i had to get my tooth pulled, a bone graft and stitches. they gave me tylenol 3 and sent me on my way.
the very next day, our oldest(16f) walks in the room and asks my spouse to 'rub her stomach because she was having cramps' at which i'm not going to lie, i saw red. i told her to 'get out of our room with that bullshit. you didn't have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain i was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps? get out and don't come back'.
so reddit, aita?
| 5,413
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/quwrwp/aita_for_not_having_sympathy_for_my_daughter/
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2021-11-16 02:11:32
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esh
> you didn't have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain i was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps?
too bad?
kids can be jerks, but as the parent it's **your responsibility** to be the bigger person.
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yikes ok so there is a lot to unpack here. i can’t say i blame you for losing your cool after her abhorrent behavior but the fact that she acts this way at this age is really concerning. she it seems she has absolutely zero empathy skills at all, and honestly she probably needs to be in therapy.
and everyone seems to be giving her horrible behavior a pass because of possible menstrual hormones, as if that excuses her behavior??? hormones may be a reason for her being awful but they are not an excuse. people don’t like men using hormones as an excuse to waive off a woman’s anger so why on earth is it ok to let it be an excuse for her terrible behavior here? it’s not. she needs to learn how to manage these emotions. it’s not like she is going to get a free pass for chewing out a customer at a job because she is on her period, she’s gonna get fired!
on the topic of managing emotions, you need some work in that area too. i understand that how she acted was deplorable, but your explosion of anger only solidified to her that it’s ok to lose it when your mad. you are leading by example and causing the trait you hate. your anger was justified but ultimately it’s not going to help. she won’t learn anything from that interaction other than “if they can explode in anger than so can i.”
you both need therapy to help regulate your emotions. esh
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esh. you daughter acted like an entitled brat but you’re still the parent. she didn’t even ask you to help her, she asked her mom. maybe if you want her to behave better you should model good behavior instead of seeking petty revenge.
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nta, i’m tired over people defending children misbehaving and excusing their behavior just because they are children. no! children aren’t stupid, they understand. being the bigger person here just because you are the parent and the adult only sends the wrong message to children who already are showing these type of behavior. you want empathy, show empathy, you want something give something in return. can’t just give children everything just because and then wonder why they turn the way they do. it’s part of teaching as well to make sure they see when their parents need help and provide it without having to be asking for it over and over.
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[deleted]
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wait... why did she want your spouse to rub her stomach? why is everyone ignoring this? am i the only one who finds that extremely weird?
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nta as for your specific question, but yta or esh on a deeper level. i can't tell, mostly because i get the strong sense you're leaving stuff out.
**(
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i'm going against the grain here, but i say nta, mostly because of the outcome. this was clearly **not** your finest hour as a parent, but it turns out you're an actual human, too. who knew? asking your 16 y/o for help is reasonable, her entitled tantrum response was not. essentially, she kicked you while you were down, taking advantage that you couldn't respond as you might normally respond to run-of-the-mill adolescent faux victimhood.
now, on to you blowing your top at her - parenting role model moment? no. real life demonstration of karma? you bet. daughter asked for reasonable accommodation when she wasn't well and got a taste of what it feels like to have that abruptly, angrily refused. all motives aside, i say your daughter reaped what she sowed.
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maybe try divvying up help between her and the 14-year-old so she doesn’t feel singled out.
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nta? she's still a kid but she seems old enough to take responsibility for her actions. you blew up at her, it wasn't the best but it's understandable. you were in severe pain and she responded callously, and has not apologized. other people have mentioned that you're the adult and should've acted like it. well, do that now. you can apologize and explain to her why you were hurt & listen to her side too
|
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.30677
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some background.... we have 4 children (16f, 14m, 12, 7). it started with me having toothpain last monday and my spouse was out of town on a mandatory company business trip. i called the only dentist in my area that my insurance covers and the earliest appointment they had was friday morning. so i asked my oldest(16) if she could help me out if i needed it and she said 'no problem'. fast forward to wednesday. i'm in so much pain that i can't even talk and i can barely get any sleep. that's when the problems start. i asked her to please fix spaghetti for dinner, i had just stocked the fridge over the weekend and meal prepped for the week, so she just had to warm up the sauce and boil noodles and she blew up. she started yelling 'why does she have to do it, it's not her responsibility'. i couldn't talk so i typed out 'i asked you if you could help out on monday, you said yes, so can you please do it and stop yelling, my head hurts'. she stormed off, yelling more and more and started slamming doors, you could hear her tossing things around her room and even feel the walls shake, all while muttering. she didn't help and she didn't interact with anyone in the house the whole night. what should've taken 10 minutes, took 30 because my head was killing me and i couldn't stop crying. when my second oldest(14) was done with his homework, he walked into the kitchen and told me to go sit down, that he'll finish up and not to worry. i went to go lay back down. fast forward to friday, my spouse was already back home and went with me to the dentist. i had a cracked tooth and the start of an infection. i had to get my tooth pulled, a bone graft and stitches. they gave me tylenol 3 and sent me on my way. the very next day, our oldest(16f) walks in the room and asks my spouse to 'rub her stomach because she was having cramps' at which i'm not going to lie, i saw red. i told her to 'get out of our room with that bullshit. you didn't have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain i was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps? get out and don't come back'. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some background.... we have 4 children (16f, 14m, 12, 7). it started with me having toothpain last monday and my spouse was out of town on a mandatory company business trip. i called the only dentist in my area that my insurance covers and the earliest appointment they had was friday morning. so i asked my oldest(16) if she could help me out if i needed it and she said 'no problem'. fast forward to wednesday. i'm in so much pain that i can't even talk and i can barely get any sleep. that's when the problems start. i asked her to please fix spaghetti for dinner, i had just stocked the fridge over the weekend and meal prepped for the week, so she just had to warm up the sauce and boil noodles and she blew up. she started yelling 'why does she have to do it, it's not her responsibility'. i couldn't talk so i typed out 'i asked you if you could help out on monday, you said yes, so can you please do it and stop yelling, my head hurts'. she stormed off, yelling more and more and started slamming doors, you could hear her tossing things around her room and even feel the walls shake, all while muttering. she didn't help and she didn't interact with anyone in the house the whole night. what should've taken 10 minutes, took 30 because my head was killing me and i couldn't stop crying. when my second oldest(14) was done with his homework, he walked into the kitchen and told me to go sit down, that he'll finish up and not to worry. i went to go lay back down. fast forward to friday, my spouse was already back home and went with me to the dentist. i had a cracked tooth and the start of an infection. i had to get my tooth pulled, a bone graft and stitches. they gave me tylenol 3 and sent me on my way. the very next day, our oldest(16f) walks in the room and asks my spouse to 'rub her stomach because she was having cramps' at which i'm not going to lie, i saw red. i told her to 'get out of our room with that bullshit. you didn't have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain i was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps? get out and don't come back'. so reddit, aita? [/INST] esh > you didn't have an ounce of sympathy for me when you saw me in tears over how much pain i was in but you want your stomach rubbed over cramps? too bad? kids can be jerks, but as the parent it's **your responsibility** to be the bigger person. </s>
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AITA for lying to my grandma about what I'm feeding her?
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my grandmother (86f) has been asking me to make this specific curry for the past 2 weeks or so.
to make it you need breadfruit, which i could not find anywhere. i've driven around the town trying to find it, but no dice. instead i've been making the curry using potato. the first few times she asked what's in it, i told her truthfully that it was potato. she looked so sad, and even cried a little. she refused to eat anything those nights. now when grandma asks what's in it, i reply "it's breadfruit". her face absolutely lights up. she used to have this breadfruit curry as a child, but now can't really tell the difference between it and potato. she's in her 80s, i honestly think she has good memories of eating said food, but can't really remember its taste.
she's going back to a nursing home in a few weeks, and i know that "breadfruit curry" will not be a menu option. i'm still running around trying to find actual breadfruit, but until then potato it is.
she's been consistently asking for this for dinner every night, and refuses when i offer to make her something else.
my family found out what i was doing and is kind of split. my sister thinks i'm being incredibly deceptive and should stop lying to her, while my cousin thinks that i'm just making grandma happy before she goes to her nursing home.
| 14,716
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gqdruf/aita_for_lying_to_my_grandma_about_what_im/
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2020-05-25 16:12:46
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nah. normally i’d say you should never lie to an adult about what’s in their food, but this isn’t about allergies or vegetarianism or anything. it’s a harmless white lie that is making your grandmother happy.
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i’d say nta since you actually did go through the effort to find it and she reacts very negatively when she was told it was potato. if that tiny lie makes her happy, and it encourages her to continue eating, i don’t see a problem with it.
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nah. you are still trying to get breadfruit and she doesn't notice the difference. she may never get to have this dish again. you're being very kind.
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nta. your intention isn’t to deceive her for some personal benefit, you’re just making a step to comfort her.
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oh come on, you’re so sweet and nta at all
when my gran was in her 80’s (touch of dementia) she was convinced i was her sister betty (who i do resemble, obviously a younger version) i just had to run with it, bc if i tried to correct her, she’d relive that betty had passed away and question who the hell i was - it felt equally as deceptive, but it brought her joy, so who was i to deny her?
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nta. you're doing your best. she clearly cannot tell the difference and you're making her happy.
she's happy for a while, take pride in that. little things matter
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nta if that's the only way grandma will eat, then i say do what you gotta. her health and happiness before and while in the nursing home is the most important thing, if this makes her happy and she eats more when you make it, then that's a problem solved. my grandma got really picky as she aged as well, and would go a day or two without eating much and i used to have so much anxiety about it, so i understand.
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nah.
honesty typically is the preferred policy, but this is one of those situations where honesty will do more harm than good. your grandmother has been refusing to eat anything other than “breadfruit” curry, and she is about to go back to the nursing home where she is unlikely to get curry of any kind. if telling her the potato is breadfruit is what it takes to get her to eat, then i say it’s the better option.
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nah.
is the nursing home close by? my husband's grandma lives in a nursing home and her daughter brings her "real" chinese food every night since they don't serve it in their dining room. maybe you could surprise her once in a while with her favorite curry.
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nah she sounds like she is in a very fragile state of mind and you are giving her a small relief
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.015625
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandmother (86f) has been asking me to make this specific curry for the past 2 weeks or so. to make it you need breadfruit, which i could not find anywhere. i've driven around the town trying to find it, but no dice. instead i've been making the curry using potato. the first few times she asked what's in it, i told her truthfully that it was potato. she looked so sad, and even cried a little. she refused to eat anything those nights. now when grandma asks what's in it, i reply "it's breadfruit". her face absolutely lights up. she used to have this breadfruit curry as a child, but now can't really tell the difference between it and potato. she's in her 80s, i honestly think she has good memories of eating said food, but can't really remember its taste. she's going back to a nursing home in a few weeks, and i know that "breadfruit curry" will not be a menu option. i'm still running around trying to find actual breadfruit, but until then potato it is. she's been consistently asking for this for dinner every night, and refuses when i offer to make her something else. my family found out what i was doing and is kind of split. my sister thinks i'm being incredibly deceptive and should stop lying to her, while my cousin thinks that i'm just making grandma happy before she goes to her nursing home.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my grandmother (86f) has been asking me to make this specific curry for the past 2 weeks or so. to make it you need breadfruit, which i could not find anywhere. i've driven around the town trying to find it, but no dice. instead i've been making the curry using potato. the first few times she asked what's in it, i told her truthfully that it was potato. she looked so sad, and even cried a little. she refused to eat anything those nights. now when grandma asks what's in it, i reply "it's breadfruit". her face absolutely lights up. she used to have this breadfruit curry as a child, but now can't really tell the difference between it and potato. she's in her 80s, i honestly think she has good memories of eating said food, but can't really remember its taste. she's going back to a nursing home in a few weeks, and i know that "breadfruit curry" will not be a menu option. i'm still running around trying to find actual breadfruit, but until then potato it is. she's been consistently asking for this for dinner every night, and refuses when i offer to make her something else. my family found out what i was doing and is kind of split. my sister thinks i'm being incredibly deceptive and should stop lying to her, while my cousin thinks that i'm just making grandma happy before she goes to her nursing home. [/INST] nah. normally i’d say you should never lie to an adult about what’s in their food, but this isn’t about allergies or vegetarianism or anything. it’s a harmless white lie that is making your grandmother happy. </s>
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AITA for rejecting the role of "cool aunt" because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?
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my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same.
i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls.
well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed.
due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me.
except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together."
i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole.
i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter."
she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them.
i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that.
**
| 25,717
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i62p53/aita_for_rejecting_the_role_of_cool_aunt_because/
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2020-08-08 17:10:13
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nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy.
you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours”
not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves
[edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :)
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nta- and your family is pretty toxic.
also what your mom said is pretty manipulative. she’s gonna blame you for her lack of being a decent parent? yeah no. you don’t owe anyone free babysitting. especially the way your sister talked to you
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nta your sister never had any interest in you before and now she wants to take advantage of you.
>she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them,
the answer to your mom is that if she had tried harder to appreciate the differences between her daughters, there would probably have been a different outcome.
don't fight with these people. you're successful with like-minded people, leave them to their alternate universe.
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nta. your sister does want an unpaid babysitter. my sister is the same way. she and your parents are gaslighting you into agreeing
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nta
your family is ridiculous. *oh, you don't want to be a clone? well, no love for you then.*
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nta - i have kids and would much rather pay someone else to watch them while i spent time with my siblings than have my siblings watch them. she is obviously trying to use you in this situation. also, just because you have different interests from them doesn’t mean your interests are any less valid than theirs. you’re allowed to love the things you love.
i’m sorry your family has been so uncaring and selfish.
by the way, you could always use malicious compliance and induct her kids into all things fashion. that would be hilarious.
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nta if your sister wanted you to be the “cool aunt” she would’ve said, “i’d love for you and the kids to bond and spend time together” not “if love for you to take the kids so i don’t have to have them”. that’s babysitting. and i bet she wouldn’t have paid for the activities.
your parents play favorites, and gaslight you. where does it say that to have a meaningful relationship with your child, they have to like what you like? when it’s as easy as saying “hey we want to dress as these characters, would you like to help us make the costumes?” or “can you show me how to sew?”
i don’t begrudge your response because you went with good intentions, but your sister had expectations for herself.
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i was on the fence until i read
>she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them.
definitely nta. they’re getting mad at you for not being like them. they’re calling you vain for liking fashion. they’re not hanging out with you and not taking your side just because you have different interests. that’s unfair.
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nta. my brother totally stopped even responding to my texts and calls inviting him to get coffee or lunch once he realized i like his kids and will hang with them as a “babysitter” when needed. five solid years of only hearing from my brother when he needed a babysitter and him ducking out to sleep or play video games during family trips for the last decade if it looked at all like i could see his son made me realize he has no respect for me. being the cool auntie is super fun, but feeling rejected by your family because they can’t be bothered to get to know the “different” sibling really stings. it’s good you can see the situation for what it is and express your boundaries clearly.
congratulations on your fit education! fashion and apparel design are not easy and require both talent and dedication.
your sister needs to read a different book.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. ** [/INST] nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy. you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours” not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves [edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :) </s>
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AITA for not telling someone I can read lips
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this happened pre covid btw.
i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips.
whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me.
i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly.
a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing.
i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me.
a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly.
after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time.
i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
| 24,745
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hidzc5/aita_for_not_telling_someone_i_can_read_lips/
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2020-06-30 02:00:22
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nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself.
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i have a severe progressive hearing loss and read lips. i can't turn it off, did you know puppets say "blah, blah, blah"? nta
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nta- also suffer from partial hearing loss and read lips. i tell coworkers i am hearing impaired for the same reason, and some people did think i was purposely ignoring them before i started. i feel like everyone already knows i read lips because i work behind a loud bar and will look at peoples lips while they speak. but it’s not some super power lol and it’s not rude to do. don’t talk shit if you don’t want them to find out 🤷🏼♀️
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[removed]
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nta
people who are deaf or hoh are never the asshole for not saying they can read lips. that’s a personal choice and truly no one else’s business. and you did tell her.
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nta. if she called you an asshole for reading her lips, she basically took advantage of your hearing loss by talking shit about you in front of you. why would you talk shit about someone in the same room as them and be surprised when they confront you about it?
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nta but you should let hr know she isn't respecting you at work and talking shit
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hi! i'm just like you except i can't sign. i'm sorry this is long.
people don't always fully grasp the impact of our disability when we let them know. it doesn't matter if you say hard of hearing, hearing impaired, deaf, partially deaf, whatever. i don't have to tell you how often people reply "oh me too, haha" when they are clearly not at a point where they require aides and visual cues to get through a conversation.
most people can read a few things like "fuck you" or "wow" other common phrases. i think when we tell people to look at us so we can read their lips, they associate lipreading with how *they* lipread, and assume we must catch a few extra words.
everyone has experienced struggling to hear at some point. so i think when people find out about someone's hearing loss, they think "oh it's like when i can't hear but a little quieter." they don't understand how simply not seeing the person speaking can be crippling or just completely impossible to hear. that's not how it is for them.
i don't know how old you are now, but part of the struggle is deafness being associated with old age unless the person was born profoundly deaf. i don't know why it's one or the other for people but it seems that way to me. the fact that you are speaking in a vocal conversation also makes it very easy for people to forget, or choose to forget, that you have a disability and are putting more effort into communicating than they are.
this is what i have learned from navigating the corporate world: **let them see the fuck out of your deafness.** don't compromise on being included or change your behaviors to protect your peers from embarrassment. you don't have to constantly confront and remind people, just let your tools and cues be noticeable.
* jump when someone comes up behind you.
* lean wayyyy the hell in when someone isn't projecting. cup your ear with your hand and strain your face.
* don't give up on someone who's repeating badly. say "i'm sorry, what?" over and over, and react to it like it's the first time you heard it when you finally get it.
* laugh loud at a joke, even if it's when your brain just takes a little longer to put the context clues together.
* don't back down when someone seems a little uneasy about you staring at their mouth.
* always pay attention — by this i mean don't find yourself saying "sorry, i wasn't listening." never ignore anyone. feel free to tell people that you never ignore anyone because your brain is wired to always listen when you can.
* train the people you work with — you probably already do this. "15? did you say one five or one six?" "t as in tom? (while gesturing a t)" "you said we were meeting someone at the something at 3:30?"
* if everyone is sitting on one side of the meeting table, sit on the opposite side so you can see everyone. you can even ask people to move.
* my favorite is to remind people that when they interrupt each other, i lose them. people love this because they hate being interrupted in the first place.
just be your happy self. people will get used to it, and eventually, they will support and protect you just out of habit. the ones who don't will be shamed by those who have gotten to know you.
you have a disability, and your workplace has to accommodate you by law. if your ignorant coworker continues, you can tell hr that you are concerned that a coworker is not accomodating you by waiting to catch your eye before speaking. they won't want to deal with that situation escalating to a legal issue.
&#x200b;
**tl;dr: i'm deaf too and i got a little passionate. you have every right to use your tools.**
&#x200b;
oh and nta :)
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nta - just like i can't help what my hears hear, you can't help what your eyes see.
these corona masks must be a real kick in the teeth for you, do you also sign?
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nta. you aren't obligated to tell anyone you can read lips, and she was being incredibly rude for taking advantage of your lack of hearing and talking in front of you thinking you wouldn't notice.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me [/INST] nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that she can’t speak Japanese to my parents during thanksgiving.
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i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents.
i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do.
my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible.
however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings.
she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese.
she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer.
she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies?
| 9,188
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyrzf9/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_she_cant/
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2022-11-18 19:11:38
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yta - it will make an impact on her relationship with your family in the future. how are they going to react when they find out she's been able to communicate with them this entire time?
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yta. maybe you should have just told her that you don’t see the relationship as having any real future so you don’t want your family getting too attached to her because that is basically what your nonsensical prohibition amounts to. also, if you actually cared about not leaving out the in-laws then no one would speak japanese.
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**yta**- op. your girlfriend has a cool and unique skill that she would very rarely have opportunity to use in the us. she can communicate with your parents and siblings in a language that could be more comfortable to them.
if you're going to make demands that **someone** not speak japanese in the household so as not to make in-laws uncomfortable, maybe consider communicating that with **everyone** who speaks japanese. don't just exclude **your gf** to avoid excluding your bil/sils. if she can't speak japanese, no one should.
and if telling your parents and siblings not to speak japanese sounds like an asshole move, then maybe use that context to analyze your initial request. because it's a super asshole move.
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yta - you can't "forbid" her from speaking japanese. she's your girlfriend, not your employee. you can ask her not to, but what she ultimately does is up to her.
besides, your reason for "forbidding" it is dumb. she speaks japanese. that's a fact. there's no reason to pretend that she doesn't.
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yta. are you serious? this is insane. you’re telling her to lie and to be ashamed of her skills, which are both her life’s passion and her actual occupation. this is horrifically controlling and disturbing.
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yta
you may as well end the relationship now.
if she pretends to "not understand" and the relationship continues she will have to hide the part of her life, her job, her expertise for the rest of her life with you. or eventually she lets everyone know she has been able to speak it & she or you gets blamed for hiding it and accusations of listening in on conversations get thrown around.
did you ever think that your grandparents may enjoy having conversations in their native language?
you know she could listen to the native tongue & answer in english if she wants. your girlfriend is intelligent.
if your siblings spouses by this time haven't invested the time to learn any japanese for greetings and pleasantries, that is on them. they are already part of the family and have chosen not to.
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yta...a dumb one at that. your reasoning is stupid and i doubt your parents will appreciate you having your gf lie for you. this relationship will be over soon.
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yta- let’s break this down
you want her to lie to your family.
you want her to play stupid and act dumb.
i hope she dumps you.
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yta. in spades. you forbade her?
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yta. your parents speak japanese. your gf speaks japanese. they can speak japanese to each other. clearly neither your parents or your gf is rude enough to speak japanese an a group conversation and exclude the non-japanese speakers.
what would you do if you broke up with gf, and started dating someone who also happened to be japanese - would you expect them to pretend that they weren't actually japanese?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents. i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do. my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible. however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings. she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese. she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer. she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents. i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do. my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible. however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings. she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese. she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer. she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies? [/INST] yta - it will make an impact on her relationship with your family in the future. how are they going to react when they find out she's been able to communicate with them this entire time? </s>
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AITA for DEMANDING my SIL replace the expensive fabric she and her children DESTROYED with EQUAL fabric?
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i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies.
we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids.
on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths.
i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself.
i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out.
after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards.
black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend.
i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric.
of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati.
aita?
**edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric.
**second
| 26,046
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4nn5v/aita_for_demanding_my_sil_replace_the_expensive/
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2019-12-01 21:00:27
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nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances.
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nta. balenciaga makes some ugly ass shit. just because something is "ugly" doesn't mean it's cheap.
so let me make sure i understand: she destroyed $150 worth of fabric (maybe more if it's been discontinued) and tried to replace it with $24? okay, as long as she has included a $126 gift card to joann fabrics. otherwise she is for sure ta.
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nta you texted her the location of the tablecloths so she had no right going through your home to the area where you have your fabric stored. it was an absolute intentional invasion of property to take an item from a cabinet clearly marked “fabric” and pretend it was innocently mistaken as a tablecloth. the replacement fabric was just another slap in the face.
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nta - she went out of her way to get that fabric. or it was a mistake. but there's a difference between a cut of fabric 18 ft long, and a tablecloth which would probably be 5ft - 6ft.
and even if this was a mistake - as soon as i realised my mistake, and your upset i would have apologised and apologised! the fact she didn't handle it like that is horrid
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nta. everyone else has said their piece about replacement, so i'll say this:
check and make sure that all of your valuables, jewelry, important papers, etc. are all accounted for. your sil was so far out of place that she had no reason to be looking around in your bedroom *unless* she was looking for something else first. it certainly doesn't take an aerospace engineer to realize that most people don't keep tablecloths in their **bedroom** closet.
at best, your sil was being a snooping asshole. at worst, well...
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y-t-a for keeping your valuables in an entirely separate and private part of your house op. maybe if you don't want to be held responsible for other people stealing and breaking your belongings, you should purchase a storage unit in a neighboring state. /s
seriously? nta. if this story were about a graphics card, everyone would be on your side. some of the people in this thread need to get out of their moms' basements for once.
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nta
it doesn’t matter what the object was worth, how expensive, how much of an accident it was. someone ruins something of yours they are obligated to repay the cost of the item in full. it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. this is her fault for not paying attention to the labeling.
if someone destroyed my $2k graphics tablet i would not accept a $100 replacement. i would expect the exact brand and model or cash for however much that exact brand and model is running.
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[deleted]
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nta it's not money you lost it's time you spent looking through specialty shops to find this. you can't just hop on amazon and order a new "action comics #1" nor can you do that with this. you went from 0 to 60 pretty quick, but they wasted your fancy shit when you told them what to use. asking for a replacement isn't out of line. you protected your nice things as well as anyone could expect and the argument "i didn't understand it's value" doesn't hold any water either. i don't know shit about wine but if i'm asking for a bottle to cook with, and you point me to one, and i pick a different one from a different room all together, yea i'm the asshole.
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honestly esh solely because you all sound exhausting af
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.013095
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second [/INST] nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances. </s>
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AITA for telling my partner his 25 yr old sisters are fully capable of helping with yard work at their own home?
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my partner (29m) was going to go to his mothers house to rake the yard, we live about 20 minutes away, not a problem. i (25f) suggested that i go to help and the four of us can get it done even quicker since his sisters are fully capable of helping since they live there. i said the exact words “fully capable”. partner then proceeded to yell at me for disrespecting his family, making assumptions (they’re totally able bodied), and that if i should focus on my lazy brother (which is true). but how dare i say his sisters are fully capable of helping rake at a house they live at. he also goes over to do things like take out the air conditioners, set mouse traps, take a look at their vehicles (he knows nothing about cars), stuff like that. things that i do myself at our home. if i’m the asshole please tell me.
| 887
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq7l12/aita_for_telling_my_partner_his_25_yr_old_sisters/
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2022-11-09 03:41:42
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info:
does his sister live there to assist her mother or for convience?
how are you involved in the situation? are you being asked to help?
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nta - but this isn’t just about yard work. this is about your 29 yr old partner prioritizing his family of origin over his partner and himself. when you become an adult, and move out on your own, the remaining adult family members are responsible for maintaining their house. the now adult, moved out on his own son, is responsible for his own place.
he is acting like a sonsband to his mother. even though he has moved out on his own, he is doing the work that a husband would do. but he is not their husband and father. if they are going to live on their own, they need to be self sufficient without his help. he can advise, like if there is a problem with their cars, recommend a mechanic…
his hostile reaction to your legitimate comment that the 25 yr olds can do yard work, is very telling. it means that he is emotionally invested in being a sonsband and father to his family of origin.
it’s means that he was not ready to move out on his own because he is too invested in being the man of the house at their house.
the questions that you need to ask him are…
does he do these things because he wants to take care of them? or does he do these things because he thinks he has to?
why does he object to his sisters doing work at their house that you do at yours?
does he want to get them more self sufficient so that he doesn’t have to go? if he doesn’t, is he planning to do this forever? does he realize how that would affect him being with you? what if you have kids?? he wouldn’t have time to manage both households, has he thought about that?
the answers to these questions should give you food for thought on where you think this relationship is going…
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nta i don't think it's rude to expect able bodied people to help around the house if they are there. seems like there might be something else going on that may have triggered him to lash out. is he also expected to do chores for your brother and that's what bothered him? or are we missing something?
|
info:
why you dont take your baby and run?
sounds like for him his sister is more important for him than you.
i think it will crash anyway.
|
nta
he needs to take a stand. if there are people that are fully capable of completing the tasks who actually live there, they need to be stepping up to do it. my parents shared a 2 family with my father's brother and family. growing up, i was forced... forced to go out and help shovel snow (we had two snow blowers) while all the females (including teen girls) were permitted to stay inside. i finally took a stand when i moved out and my aunt had the balls to call me and ask me when i'd be over to "help the guys clear snow". the idea was that "yard work is for men".
&#x200b;
bottom line, if his sisters are able to rake, then they had better be out there helping if your husband, who doesn't live there, is over helping.
|
nta
he is gaslighting you. most people would have a problem with his relatives.
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nta.
unless they have disabilities they haven't told you about out of embarrassment or something, his reaction seems like a massive overreaction to two words and is either a sign that there is something you don't know about so he is being protective... or it is a red flag and he is flying off the handle over something innocent just to knock you off balance (abusers do this to create confusion).
you need to talk with him and he needs to clear up **now** why he reacted like you were insulting his sisters by thinking them to be adults that can do stuff on their own.
and honestly, why he keeps going there to do things they should be able to do on their own. if they don't know how to set up mouse traps, they can learn - internet tutorials exist for a lot of stuff. his sisters are old enough they shouldn't be depending on him to drive 20 minutes to do basic small chores that they can do themselves if they want to.
does he want them to be dependent on him? does he get validation from this? because none of these sound like big tasks (like moving or a whole house clean) where family outside the home would typically help (except the car one, but he knows nothing about cars, so it is useless to really ask him to do this instead of a mechanic or someone else that does know cars).
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nta, but he has some serious issues. are you sure you want to sign up for a lifetime of this?
| null | null |
INFO
|
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.027063
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my partner (29m) was going to go to his mothers house to rake the yard, we live about 20 minutes away, not a problem. i (25f) suggested that i go to help and the four of us can get it done even quicker since his sisters are fully capable of helping since they live there. i said the exact words “fully capable”. partner then proceeded to yell at me for disrespecting his family, making assumptions (they’re totally able bodied), and that if i should focus on my lazy brother (which is true). but how dare i say his sisters are fully capable of helping rake at a house they live at. he also goes over to do things like take out the air conditioners, set mouse traps, take a look at their vehicles (he knows nothing about cars), stuff like that. things that i do myself at our home. if i’m the asshole please tell me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my partner (29m) was going to go to his mothers house to rake the yard, we live about 20 minutes away, not a problem. i (25f) suggested that i go to help and the four of us can get it done even quicker since his sisters are fully capable of helping since they live there. i said the exact words “fully capable”. partner then proceeded to yell at me for disrespecting his family, making assumptions (they’re totally able bodied), and that if i should focus on my lazy brother (which is true). but how dare i say his sisters are fully capable of helping rake at a house they live at. he also goes over to do things like take out the air conditioners, set mouse traps, take a look at their vehicles (he knows nothing about cars), stuff like that. things that i do myself at our home. if i’m the asshole please tell me. [/INST] info: does his sister live there to assist her mother or for convience? how are you involved in the situation? are you being asked to help? </s>
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AITA for siding with my wife against my sister when my wife made fun of my sister's job?
|
hi all
my parents hosted an early christmas dinner yesterday as they are going away on their dream trip in a few days. my wife "francesca" and i went, and my sister "alice" was there too.
francesca and alice have never been close. not for any particular reason they're just very different people with different views on things.
francesca is a cardiac surgeon, one of the most senior at the hospital she works at. alice is a nursery teacher.
francesca owns a huge collection of clothes, dresses and outfits. however, she rarely gets to use them because she works such long and unpredictable hours. for my parents dinner she wore a new evening dress she bought and her best pair of heels. she was a little overdressed compared to everyone else but she likes it that way.
towards the end of the evening we were all a bit tipsy. alice questioned why francesca feels the need to "flaunt her wealth" and wear "fancy dresses" everywhere she goes. francesca responded "it's almost like almost like my job requires more skill than babysitting children all day".
alice got very upset and did a nasty impression of francesca walking around in heels and "looking down" on everyone. she then pulled one of francesca's shoes off her and waved it around. francesca panicked at this because those shoes were expensive.
i thought the impression and the shoe thing took things way too far. i got the shoe off alice and gave it back to francesca, and told alice her actions were completely inappropriate.
my parents intervened at this point, saying that both of them were being "immature".
obviously francesca shouldn't have said that about alice's job, but alice's response was despicable. she did an impression of francesca to humiliate her and then stole an expensive shoe from her.
alice said i was a "terrible brother" and that she doesn't want anything to do with me after i sided with francesca.
i think i did the right thing. yes francesca shouldn't have made the comment about the job, but what alice did after that was much worse.
| 4,664
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkrgzi/aita_for_siding_with_my_wife_against_my_sister/
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2021-12-20 16:45:07
|
esh.
as always, when two total ah's go toe to toe, everyone present loses.
alice has no business vocalizing her jealousy over francesca's lifestyle during a family dinner.
and if francesca was 1/10th as intelligent as she thinks she is, she would be able to handle that kind of slight without denigrating alice's career and escalating the situation.
|
yta/esh
downplaying your wife's part of escalating the situation and making your sister's role more than it was.
> obviously francesca shouldn't have said that about alice's job, but alice's response was despicable. she did an impression of francesca to humiliate her and then stole an expensive shoe from her.
'despicable, humiliate, stolen', really?
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esh your wife the most. your wife is a snob and you should have told her so. your sister is in an honorable, valuable profession that frankly, does not pay what it should. how dare your wife mock her for it and how dare you not say something to her. if i were sister, i would lose your number. yes she should not have taken shoe off, but teachers get mocked so often, i can see why she would have snapped at your pretentious wife.
|
esh
your wife can wear whatever she wants but she shouldn’t make fun of someone else’s job.
and your sister flaunting and mocking your wife and stealing her shoe were far more immature
|
would probably be interesting to know the nature of the conversation in between
"she was a little overdressed compared to everyone else but she likes it that way."
and
"alice questioned why francesca feels the need to "flaunt her wealth" and wear "fancy dresses" everywhere she goes."
|
esh.
i'm not sure how threatening a shoe is worse than mocking someone's career. i don't care how expensive they are. it's a shoe.
update since so many people wanna argue with me:
i said what i said.
everyone 👏 sucks 👏 here 👏
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clear, unequivocal esh, except your parents. there's never a reason to comment negatively about other peoples' clothes, jobs, lifestyles, period, in social situations. if it's not hurting you, keep it to yourself. your sister didn't need to comment, francesca didn't need to mock her job (with your approval), and alice didn't need to up the ante (who takes off someone else's shoe?) your parents are 100% right, everyone needs to stop acting like they belong in alice's class.
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esh. your wife is a snob who apparently likes dressing and feeling superior to others. your sister shouldn't have done what she did, but neither should your wife. you should have stayed out of it or called both of them out.
|
esh
your wife much more so. guess money can’t buy class.
|
esh.
alice shouldn't question how francesca spends her money. francesca crossed a line by thumbing her nose at what alice does for a living. you should have either stayed out of it or taken the shoe back and told both of them to stop acting like idiots.
seems like the only rational people there were the parents.
|
ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.031039
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all my parents hosted an early christmas dinner yesterday as they are going away on their dream trip in a few days. my wife "francesca" and i went, and my sister "alice" was there too. francesca and alice have never been close. not for any particular reason they're just very different people with different views on things. francesca is a cardiac surgeon, one of the most senior at the hospital she works at. alice is a nursery teacher. francesca owns a huge collection of clothes, dresses and outfits. however, she rarely gets to use them because she works such long and unpredictable hours. for my parents dinner she wore a new evening dress she bought and her best pair of heels. she was a little overdressed compared to everyone else but she likes it that way. towards the end of the evening we were all a bit tipsy. alice questioned why francesca feels the need to "flaunt her wealth" and wear "fancy dresses" everywhere she goes. francesca responded "it's almost like almost like my job requires more skill than babysitting children all day". alice got very upset and did a nasty impression of francesca walking around in heels and "looking down" on everyone. she then pulled one of francesca's shoes off her and waved it around. francesca panicked at this because those shoes were expensive. i thought the impression and the shoe thing took things way too far. i got the shoe off alice and gave it back to francesca, and told alice her actions were completely inappropriate. my parents intervened at this point, saying that both of them were being "immature". obviously francesca shouldn't have said that about alice's job, but alice's response was despicable. she did an impression of francesca to humiliate her and then stole an expensive shoe from her. alice said i was a "terrible brother" and that she doesn't want anything to do with me after i sided with francesca. i think i did the right thing. yes francesca shouldn't have made the comment about the job, but what alice did after that was much worse.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all my parents hosted an early christmas dinner yesterday as they are going away on their dream trip in a few days. my wife "francesca" and i went, and my sister "alice" was there too. francesca and alice have never been close. not for any particular reason they're just very different people with different views on things. francesca is a cardiac surgeon, one of the most senior at the hospital she works at. alice is a nursery teacher. francesca owns a huge collection of clothes, dresses and outfits. however, she rarely gets to use them because she works such long and unpredictable hours. for my parents dinner she wore a new evening dress she bought and her best pair of heels. she was a little overdressed compared to everyone else but she likes it that way. towards the end of the evening we were all a bit tipsy. alice questioned why francesca feels the need to "flaunt her wealth" and wear "fancy dresses" everywhere she goes. francesca responded "it's almost like almost like my job requires more skill than babysitting children all day". alice got very upset and did a nasty impression of francesca walking around in heels and "looking down" on everyone. she then pulled one of francesca's shoes off her and waved it around. francesca panicked at this because those shoes were expensive. i thought the impression and the shoe thing took things way too far. i got the shoe off alice and gave it back to francesca, and told alice her actions were completely inappropriate. my parents intervened at this point, saying that both of them were being "immature". obviously francesca shouldn't have said that about alice's job, but alice's response was despicable. she did an impression of francesca to humiliate her and then stole an expensive shoe from her. alice said i was a "terrible brother" and that she doesn't want anything to do with me after i sided with francesca. i think i did the right thing. yes francesca shouldn't have made the comment about the job, but what alice did after that was much worse. [/INST] esh. as always, when two total ah's go toe to toe, everyone present loses. alice has no business vocalizing her jealousy over francesca's lifestyle during a family dinner. and if francesca was 1/10th as intelligent as she thinks she is, she would be able to handle that kind of slight without denigrating alice's career and escalating the situation. </s>
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AITA for celebrating my birthday which is the 1 year anniversary of my nephew's death?
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my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated.
my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible.
birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished.
yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that.
in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day).
i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way.
i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram.
i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate.
i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta.
btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday.
aita?
| 27,995
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ww3v9f/aita_for_celebrating_my_birthday_which_is_the_1/
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2022-08-23 23:45:24
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nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again?
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nta
when i read the title i thought you had thrown a big, raucous birthday party. nope. you had dinner with your girlfriend
in no way were you or your partner insensitive to your sister. if anything, i would consider a quiet intimate dinner instead of a large event a very respectful way to acknowledge your birthday without being excessive.
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nta. you didn’t shove your birthday in everyone’s face, you didn’t act like your birthday reigned supreme, you spent time with your sister on a day she needed support and you had a very quiet event with your partner - which you have every right to do. people grieve differently but that doesn’t mean aspects of life still shouldn’t be celebrated. you acted appropriately
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nta. nope. someone else’s death, while sad, doesn’t mean that you do not get to go on living and celebrating. shame on all of them for trying to make you feel guilty about this.
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happy birthday, op. you are allowed to be a little bummed, you are allowed to celebrate, and you are nta. your family is allowed to feel their grief, of course, and unfortunately the day may never be the same for them - but they are not allowed to drag you through the mud for something that isn't remotely your fault.
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nah, i am so glad your girlfriend had a little dinner for you. you don’t deserve to have your birthday forgotten.
your sister is dealing with the first anniversary of loosing her son and lashed out- it was definitely inappropriate, but i wont blame her this year. anger is easier than grief.
your mom is the closest to an ah. she lost her grandson, but it’s also her daughter’s birthday. she can’t let you be forgotten every year, especially when it’s a huge family tradition for everyone else.
happy birthday.
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nta
low key birthday and spending time with the mother is definitely sensitive.
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nta. are you supposed to never celebrate your birthday ever again? i’m sure her grief is overwhelming, but life does have to move on even through the grief.
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nta - when i first read the title, i thought it was going to be about you having a massive party and inviting your family. you did more than your share to comfort your sister on this horribly tragic day for her.
you had every right to celebrate in the privacy of your own home. while your gf maybe could have saved the photo until the next day if she wanted to be extra sensitive, she also did nothing wrong. it’s not like you had a big blowout birthday bash. you celebrated privately and quietly and you deserve to be celebrated on your birthday.
as someone who’s birthday is also associated with tragic family events, i feel for you. it’s a tricky situation to navigate. ultimately, do what’s best for you.
|
nta.
historically, there was a custom that you'd grieve for a dead family member for a year (think widows wearing black, etc.) and then after that year you'd resume your life.
i'm here\[1\] to tell you that neither you nor your girlfriend did anything wrong, although it probably would have been prudent for her wait a couple of days to post the pictures. having said that, there is a very fine line here with how you can respond to your mother and sister without running the risk of them staying mad at you. your sister isn't really wrong for being stuck grieving, but she probably needs therapy to get past it.
\[1\] my qualifications: i lost a child in a car accident 14 years ago. wife never really recovered fully, and it took her closer to a year and a half to start functioning again, but she eventually did. she would not have freaked out at someone else celebrating their birthday if it happened to fall on that day, though.
&#x200b;
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita? [/INST] nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again? </s>
|
AITA for not letting my mom alter and wear her wedding dress to my wedding?
|
yes, you read that right. my mom called me today and asked if she could cut down her very light pink wedding dress and wear it cocktail-length to my wedding. her reasoning is that she did not buy it at a wedding dress shop (she bought it at macy’s) and it is not white, so she should be able to alter it and wear it again. i said flat out no, because she wore it as a wedding dress, so she cannot wear it at another wedding. she accused be of being selfish and didn’t i want her to look good as mother of the bride? i said i more care about the fact that people will know she is rewearing her wedding dress and as the bride, that’s not okay with me.
i might be the asshole because she does not have a lot of money and my wedding is 3 hours away so she will need to get a hotel for the wedding. this could be a way to save money. however she is not paying for anything wedding-oriented. my mil is doing most of the motherly things including throwing the shower, paying for part of the wedding, and even going with me to pick out a dress. also, i feel like i need to say that this dress is from her fourth wedding to a man that i am not in speaking terms with because he has made inappropriate comments to me and because she cheated with him on my last stepdad, so i might have some unintentional negative bias there.
for the record, this is my first, and hopefully only, wedding.
so, aita?
info: a couple people asked more what it looked like. i don’t want to post a picture because she very well could get mad for that if she finds out, but i’ll describe it. it’s very light pink, trumpet-style, illusion top with sweetheart neckline, then sequins in twisty patterns all around it.
| 1,176
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ocdll2/aita_for_not_letting_my_mom_alter_and_wear_her/
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2021-07-02 16:24:28
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info: does it *look* like a wedding dress?
if it looks like a wedding dress, you should stand your ground.
if it does not look like a wedding dress and is something that would be appropriate for a mother of the bride to wear, you’re being unreasonable.
|
fourth. wedding.
oh my god. nta, really. she's worn enough wedding dresses, she doesn't need to wear one at yours. hell, she might even get another opportunity. if you want to be kind, you can maybe take her dress shopping, but it seems like there is a lot more baggage associated with her, especially if she did not defend you from the fourth husband...
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i'm conflicted. if it doesn't look like a wedding dress. it's pink. and she's going to further alter it. cut it in half to cocktail length. what's the big deal? i guess at the end of the day it's your wedding.
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nta- assuming that many of your family and friends would have attended your mother's wedding then many of your guests will know that is your mother's wedding dress. additionally, you and your mother both know she would be, and wanted to, wear a wedding dress to your wedding - that is hurtful.
considering your mother's lack of involvement and/or interest in your wedding combined with her desire to wear an attention stealing wedding dress - i get lots of jealousy vibes from your mother.
a question for your mother - why would she want to wear a wedding dress, regardless of how untraditional, to her daughter's wedding when she knows that doing so is a hurtful insult to her daughter?
|
nta
your mother shouldn’t let men make inappropriate comments to you. she is supposed to protect you. i’m sorry about that.
i can see why your mother would ask about altering the dress - since it is pink. but it’s reasonable you wouldn’t want her to wear it. she might be talking about it all night and telling people that it was her wedding dress she altered. not fun to be around or hear.
it’s difficult to find a dress to a wedding sometimes, depending on how fancy it is. i can understand she might be frustrated, but she can make an effort to look through thrift stores and marshals and ross etc. she should recognize this day is about you and supporting you, and not about her ego. her ego is an issue here because she made a comment that you don’t want your own mother to look good at your wedding. it’s a bit crazy and it seems like she is jumping to conclusions and twisting your words.
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nta. i can understand some of the other arguments (not the ones acting like there’s no reason behind your side at all) but at the end of the day it’s not unreasonable to be uncomfortable with someone wearing their wedding dress to your wedding. regardless of what it looks like it’s still her wedding dress. you know, she knows, anyone who attended both weddings will know and it’s just... not good etiquette.
|
yikes- it’s so much in this post.
i dunno how to judge this. it sounds like you have some underlying resentment towards your mom- due to the unnecessary details provided here. you mentioned she doesn’t have a lot of money, so at first i thought, maybe this was a way for her to save money. however the money she uses to alter the dress, she could just buy a new one. i was also thinking that if it was from the 80’s or earlier, who would know, but seeing that it’s her fourth, that means it was fairly recent. i hate when brides police what people wear as if suddenly people will forget all about the reason they are at the wedding. her dress is pink and clearly not a wedding dress by wedding standards. what really do you care? do you think the everything will stop mid wedding and be about your mom? she’s gonna alter it, how would anyone really remember unless you or her go telling people? however, she did ask, and you said no. ehhhhhhhh
final verdict: esh bc it’s a lot going on. and i think you’d let her do it if she was financially involved but you seem kinda bitter about that.
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as i understand it, the altered dress would be appropriate for the occasion. i.e. a stranger looking at pictures of the wedding wouldn't be surprised. if your only issue is that the dress is re-used, then yta. it is no reflection on you if your mother alters and re-uses a dress, no matter where it was previously worn.
btw, other than the bridesmaids and the maid of honor, guests at a wedding (especially the mother of the bride) wear what they want to. this is a wedding, not a theater production. the guests choose their own clothing.
|
nta. you're getting a lot of really harsh comments and assumptions based on people thinking you're being a bridezilla or that you hate your mom, etc. it is your wedding. if you ask your mom not to wear her own wedding dress to your wedding, even if it doesn't look like a wedding dress, she should respect that. hell if you ask any guest or wedding party member to not wear something, they should oblige you within reason (meaning hey please don't wear certain colors or certain lengths, things that are reasonably easy to avoid). i wouldn't care if my mom's wedding dress was pink, green, white or rainbow or whatever, i wouldn't want her to wear it to my wedding.
it's obvious you two have a very strained relationship and you need to do some introspection and healing in regards to your feelings about it all. but that doesn't make you an asshole for this situation. having a strained relationship with a parent makes these sort of things have a lot more nuance than just "its not technically a wedding dress even though she wore it for her own wedding".
i will say, watch out for what your mom buys next. if she is really jealous or resentful, she may just but an actual wedding dress to wear or something that will make a statement to get back at you. you can try to work it out with her an explain your feelings but you know her best and it's up to you to handle her the best way possible! best of luck and congrats on the wedding!
|
i kinda think in this instance yta op. you already said she didn’t have much cash, it doesn’t even look like a wedding dress. if anything it makes her look cheap repurposing the same dress but it’s not like it’s an attempt to upstage you. plus she did at least have the courtesy to ask. personally, i’d let it go. your reaction reminds me of my reaction to my mum whenever she does something mildly irritating. basically we have a rubbish relationship so i always over react to stuff she says and does.
|
INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.445169
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: yes, you read that right. my mom called me today and asked if she could cut down her very light pink wedding dress and wear it cocktail-length to my wedding. her reasoning is that she did not buy it at a wedding dress shop (she bought it at macy’s) and it is not white, so she should be able to alter it and wear it again. i said flat out no, because she wore it as a wedding dress, so she cannot wear it at another wedding. she accused be of being selfish and didn’t i want her to look good as mother of the bride? i said i more care about the fact that people will know she is rewearing her wedding dress and as the bride, that’s not okay with me. i might be the asshole because she does not have a lot of money and my wedding is 3 hours away so she will need to get a hotel for the wedding. this could be a way to save money. however she is not paying for anything wedding-oriented. my mil is doing most of the motherly things including throwing the shower, paying for part of the wedding, and even going with me to pick out a dress. also, i feel like i need to say that this dress is from her fourth wedding to a man that i am not in speaking terms with because he has made inappropriate comments to me and because she cheated with him on my last stepdad, so i might have some unintentional negative bias there. for the record, this is my first, and hopefully only, wedding. so, aita? info: a couple people asked more what it looked like. i don’t want to post a picture because she very well could get mad for that if she finds out, but i’ll describe it. it’s very light pink, trumpet-style, illusion top with sweetheart neckline, then sequins in twisty patterns all around it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
yes, you read that right. my mom called me today and asked if she could cut down her very light pink wedding dress and wear it cocktail-length to my wedding. her reasoning is that she did not buy it at a wedding dress shop (she bought it at macy’s) and it is not white, so she should be able to alter it and wear it again. i said flat out no, because she wore it as a wedding dress, so she cannot wear it at another wedding. she accused be of being selfish and didn’t i want her to look good as mother of the bride? i said i more care about the fact that people will know she is rewearing her wedding dress and as the bride, that’s not okay with me. i might be the asshole because she does not have a lot of money and my wedding is 3 hours away so she will need to get a hotel for the wedding. this could be a way to save money. however she is not paying for anything wedding-oriented. my mil is doing most of the motherly things including throwing the shower, paying for part of the wedding, and even going with me to pick out a dress. also, i feel like i need to say that this dress is from her fourth wedding to a man that i am not in speaking terms with because he has made inappropriate comments to me and because she cheated with him on my last stepdad, so i might have some unintentional negative bias there. for the record, this is my first, and hopefully only, wedding. so, aita? info: a couple people asked more what it looked like. i don’t want to post a picture because she very well could get mad for that if she finds out, but i’ll describe it. it’s very light pink, trumpet-style, illusion top with sweetheart neckline, then sequins in twisty patterns all around it. [/INST] info: does it *look* like a wedding dress? if it looks like a wedding dress, you should stand your ground. if it does not look like a wedding dress and is something that would be appropriate for a mother of the bride to wear, you’re being unreasonable. </s>
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WIBTA if I sold my dead father's prized watch for a newer one?
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some very relevant information: my father bought a watch he loved before he died. he was always into planes, constantly on planes, took some flight school lessons. he got a breitling, a very high end pilot's watch. one of the major features, in fact - the selling point for my father, was that it had an emergency beacon, similar to an airplane's black box. in the wildly unrealistic situation where the plane crashed and he survived only to be lost at sea or something, he'd have a ridiculously good chance of being found. here's the issue. i'm about to start working as a flight attendant. the love of travel, combined with my father's passion for airplanes that rubbed off on me, has kind of made it my dream job. his love of watches did, too, and the dream watch that he bought is my dream watch . . . with one exception. the technology for beacons has changed, and his watch isn't as (hypothetically) useful as it once was. meanwhile, breitling, the same company that made his watch, has made the same watch, "2." it's basically the same, but with more modern beacons. i want it for all the same reasons my dad wanted his, the biggest difference being that i can't afford it. i suggested selling my dad's watch (which was left to me, specifically) to finance the bulk of the purchase and my mother kind of shit a brick that i would throw away my dad's watch. i get wanting to keep things that were important to him, and i get that i can save up and buy the one i prefer later, but i genuinely think my dad would be on my side. he was super practical. when he was dying, he would say stuff like, "i won't be sending you signs from the other side. when i'm gone, i'm gone, and you need to move forward." i think if he were here, he'd tell me to sell the watch for one that did the job better . . .and i'd still think of him every time i checked the time. my mom is upset about the idea, but she never even understood why he spent so much on a watch in the first place.
| 2,796
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7q9ky/wibta_if_i_sold_my_dead_fathers_prized_watch_for/
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2019-09-22 13:15:04
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nah, shes not wrong for wanting to respect the sentimentality. he's not sending messages or coming back, but it's comforting to have memories of people around. it's possible that shes suggesting that you might miss that sentimentality later on if you sell it.
you're not wrong for selling it. we talk all the time in this sub about how your inheritance is yours to do with as you please. it's yours, you get to make the choice.
have you considered offering to sell it to your mom? then the sentimentality isn't lost and you can get your new watch. win win.
|
nah
however, it might be a decision you come to regret... i think to be completely sure it might be worth delaying your purchase for 6 months at least and see if you feel the same way. in that time you can save more towards the watch and if you still feel the same way you will be in a better financial position to do so.
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i was fully ready to call you the asshole. but after reading im gonna go with nta. your upgrading and its still a part of him. and it seems like he would fully support this decision. good luck
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nah but i’m concerned that you will regret it. i think saving up and getting the newer model (whatever that may be at the time) will simply feel better.
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light yta. i mean, i see where you're coming from. but at the same time, definitely consider that people in your family will probably think you're an asshole making practical arguments about an heirloom that has so much emotion tied up in it. especially since those arguments can be toppled pretty easily by considering that your mom and her feelings are still here, regardless of your dad's philosophy in life. if you say "dad thought that when he died it didn't matter anymore what happened to his belongings because it cannot care to him anymore", your mom *is* going to think "well i'm still here -- so why shouldn't my feelings matter then?" that's unavoidable.
how long would it take you to save for this new watch instead of selling the heirloom?
|
ywbta:
you yourself said you can save up and buy it in the future. don’t sell something sentimental now that you will regret later.
gratification now isn’t worth the guilt later.
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yta if you feel like your mom has sentimental value towards it you should just give it to her, you said you can save money up for a nicer one anyway. selling it for a quick buck to get a newer one if she has attachment to it would be an asshole move. i get the practicality thing with your father understanding it completely (you know your father better than i do clearly), but if she feels like he wanted you to have it forever, keep it, you dont have to use it. i bet your mother might know your father better than you, so i'd go with what she wants. ya, it's yours to do with as you please because it's yours blah blah, but you're still an asshole to sell it against your moms wishes (depending on how close you are with your mom, if it were my mom i'd do as she recommends)
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i’m a bit confused, which model did your dad give you? most second hand models wouldn’t get you anywhere near enough to get a new one (at least not in australia)
a brand new breitling emergency runs about $20k australian but you can pick up a second hand one for ~$4-8k australian locally (unless it’s a precious metal case and bracelet or the night mission i guess)?
i’d have said keep the one he gave you for sentimental reasons and then get another (non emergency) high end watch instead.
|
ywbta
as someone who has few heirlooms in his family due to stuff like this, its a shame. i think you should save up and buy the new one on your own, considering i am skeptical on you getting a big sum for the used watch. that will always be your dad's favorite watch, then it will be grandpa's watch, great grandpa's watch, and so on. heirlooms are the coolest thing, and although both my parents had their valid reasons for selling them or getting rid of them, they definitely regretted not having them.
now that my father has been dead i try to hold onto as many of his few possesions i can. i have his hard hat sitting safely somewhere, and we have a large box full of his favorite and classic items. personally, i use and keep on the life of his handmade ostrich wallet. it is not the best wallet, it has nowhere to put change and it doesnt close all that well when its full of things, and it takes a lot of effort to maintain it, but, its my dad's wallet. sure, i could sell the sucker and buy a more usable but still nice wallet (ive been asked by a few people to sell it to them actually), but i have no plans to.
it was my dads wallet, it stuck with him everyday, and now its my wallet. it'll stick with me everyday, and then it'll be my son's wallet, and it'll stick with him everyday.
|
nah. especially if you think that’s what he would want you to do, which i’m sure he would if the newer watch has a better beacon.
it’s understandable that your mom is upset, though. she probably loves the idea of you wearing your dad’s watch.
is it possible that a watch repair person could swap out the old beacon tech for the newer version?
edit. i just did a little research and it seems that the beacon on your dad’s old watch is useless now because the frequency it uses is no longer monitored. i’m sure you know this. have you told your mom this? i think that would sway her.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.639132
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some very relevant information: my father bought a watch he loved before he died. he was always into planes, constantly on planes, took some flight school lessons. he got a breitling, a very high end pilot's watch. one of the major features, in fact - the selling point for my father, was that it had an emergency beacon, similar to an airplane's black box. in the wildly unrealistic situation where the plane crashed and he survived only to be lost at sea or something, he'd have a ridiculously good chance of being found. here's the issue. i'm about to start working as a flight attendant. the love of travel, combined with my father's passion for airplanes that rubbed off on me, has kind of made it my dream job. his love of watches did, too, and the dream watch that he bought is my dream watch . . . with one exception. the technology for beacons has changed, and his watch isn't as (hypothetically) useful as it once was. meanwhile, breitling, the same company that made his watch, has made the same watch, "2." it's basically the same, but with more modern beacons. i want it for all the same reasons my dad wanted his, the biggest difference being that i can't afford it. i suggested selling my dad's watch (which was left to me, specifically) to finance the bulk of the purchase and my mother kind of shit a brick that i would throw away my dad's watch. i get wanting to keep things that were important to him, and i get that i can save up and buy the one i prefer later, but i genuinely think my dad would be on my side. he was super practical. when he was dying, he would say stuff like, "i won't be sending you signs from the other side. when i'm gone, i'm gone, and you need to move forward." i think if he were here, he'd tell me to sell the watch for one that did the job better . . .and i'd still think of him every time i checked the time. my mom is upset about the idea, but she never even understood why he spent so much on a watch in the first place.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some very relevant information: my father bought a watch he loved before he died. he was always into planes, constantly on planes, took some flight school lessons. he got a breitling, a very high end pilot's watch. one of the major features, in fact - the selling point for my father, was that it had an emergency beacon, similar to an airplane's black box. in the wildly unrealistic situation where the plane crashed and he survived only to be lost at sea or something, he'd have a ridiculously good chance of being found. here's the issue. i'm about to start working as a flight attendant. the love of travel, combined with my father's passion for airplanes that rubbed off on me, has kind of made it my dream job. his love of watches did, too, and the dream watch that he bought is my dream watch . . . with one exception. the technology for beacons has changed, and his watch isn't as (hypothetically) useful as it once was. meanwhile, breitling, the same company that made his watch, has made the same watch, "2." it's basically the same, but with more modern beacons. i want it for all the same reasons my dad wanted his, the biggest difference being that i can't afford it. i suggested selling my dad's watch (which was left to me, specifically) to finance the bulk of the purchase and my mother kind of shit a brick that i would throw away my dad's watch. i get wanting to keep things that were important to him, and i get that i can save up and buy the one i prefer later, but i genuinely think my dad would be on my side. he was super practical. when he was dying, he would say stuff like, "i won't be sending you signs from the other side. when i'm gone, i'm gone, and you need to move forward." i think if he were here, he'd tell me to sell the watch for one that did the job better . . .and i'd still think of him every time i checked the time. my mom is upset about the idea, but she never even understood why he spent so much on a watch in the first place. [/INST] nah, shes not wrong for wanting to respect the sentimentality. he's not sending messages or coming back, but it's comforting to have memories of people around. it's possible that shes suggesting that you might miss that sentimentality later on if you sell it. you're not wrong for selling it. we talk all the time in this sub about how your inheritance is yours to do with as you please. it's yours, you get to make the choice. have you considered offering to sell it to your mom? then the sentimentality isn't lost and you can get your new watch. win win. </s>
|
AITA for kicking BIL and sister out of my house?
|
when the pandemic hit my husband(40m) and i(32f) decided it was best for me to stay home with the kids, i only worked part time. this would also give me the opportunity to be able to focus on my college.my sister(27f) and bil(33m) have no kids and were able to work from home. its been working for us, i am happier, my grades are better, the kids seem happier. husband still helps around the house and i get a day off every weekend.
i was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt tonight when my sister and bil stopped by unannounced after 9:30pm banging on the door and rang the bell multiple times before i even had a chance to react to the first knock. i was in my room folding clothes since it was laundry day. out of habit, since my baby is still crawling, when i walked out of the room i closed the door. when i opened the front door, my sister said "damn, took you long enough. look at you. how the hell does husband put up with such a sloppy wife" i asked why she was here and to please be quiet the kids were sleeping. she rolled her eyes and said whatever. bil apologized for my sister and said, that he talked to husband about taking a look at his laptop, but bil didn't wanna stop by so late and he was just going to drop it off this weekend. i said husband is in the office, you can go give it to him. my room and the office are both right off the kitchen, only the room has a door and the office doesn't. sister, went and opened my door and got mad that i had my underwear on the bed, since i was in there folding the laundry. she asked me if it was appropriate to leave out my inmate things when i had guests over. i went and closed the door again saying i wasn't expecting guests and the door was closed. i asked her and bil if they wanted a drink since i was getting a water for myself, they said no, i asked husband, said yes. i gave him a drink. sister commented that i was a pushover and there wasn't anything wrong with my husband's legs and he could get his own damn drink. i said, yea but i was already in the fridge and was being nice. she then started telling me that i am being abused because i got him a drink and he "forced me to stop working". it got to the point that sister was screaming at me that i'm too stupid to see that i'm in an abusive relationship. i had enough and told her to get out of my house. i walked into the office and told bil he needed to leave and take sister with him. sister had followed behind me and was mocking me as i spoke. i finally raised my voice and said they both need to get the f\*ck out of my house, now.
after they left i explained to my husband what happened. he agreed she was way out of line. sister hasn't stopped texting me about how ignorant i am for not seeing the abuse. bil has called and texted several times and apologized for sister. sister then told older brother and parents i rudely kicked her out for no reason and is currently trying to convince them that husband is abusive. now mom is worried its true.
&#x200b;
edit/
| 1,161
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnuxsi/aita_for_kicking_bil_and_sister_out_of_my_house/
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2020-07-09 02:29:52
|
info
what drugs was your sister on at the time?
|
what the actual fuck is up with your sister. nta by the way- is she like that all the time? just openly berating your every move? i wouldn’t let her back in until she gives you a damn good apology and explains her behavior.
also judging a mom of a young kid for wearing sweatpants late at night is like... insane.
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okay if this is true - nta. but this is like, movie-quality cringe lol. hard to believe that your sister was this rude.
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hold up. she called your husband abusive because you offered to get him a glass of water?! what the actual fuck??
nta, all the way. your sister is a massive asshole, and i'm sorry.
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nta. and it sounds like your sister is mentally unstable or was on drugs or something based on your bil's reactions.
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sister: "how the hell does husband put up with such a sloppy wife?
also sister: your husband's legs aren't broke, don't get him a drink!
nta. she's not just crazy, she's dumb. and rude!
|
nta nta nta i cannot stress this enough op. you had a lot more patience than i would have in this situation.
1. showing up unannounced kinda rude but excusable depending on your relationship with them and how often you do it.
2. showing up at someone’s house at 9:30 pm when they have a child under 10 years old kinda rude but excusable if they felt it was the only time they could do it and it was necessary.
3. showing up at someones house at 9:30 pm when they have a child especially when said child is still crawling and banging on the door/making a racket is really fucking rude and only excusable in life or death emergencies (and if they are family/friends they should try calling before showing up at your door). the proper way to do this would have been to text you that they were there maybe a light knock.
4. greeting your host with that attitude completely inexcusable and rude.
5. commenting unfavorably on someone’s appearance/dress when it isn’t your job or place to say anything rude especially when you show up unannounced to their home. the only time it would be okay is if they looked really sick or injured then it would be like this “oh op you don’t look so good are you okay? do you need me to drive you to the hospital?”
6. trying to snoop/barge into a closed off area and making negative remarks about anything in closed off area to your host rude. only times it is okay to enter closed off areas in others homes is with permission or you don’t know your way to the bathroom and accidentally enter the wrong room and then you need to back the fuck out of there and close the door. the only time it is okay to open your mouth about the state of someones house is if your a social worker or if it’s a health hazard (hoarder).
7. when it is politely offered/asked and politely accepting/declining is not abusive to think otherwise is fucking crazy. (if it was abusive i’m in a really abusive house ;p)
8. the only abusive person i can see here is your sister.
so not only does your sister need therapy/medication she needs to take some fucking basic etiquette classes. if she persists with her narrative and getting people upset “on your behalf” you may need to blast her on the book of faces with this story and screenshots of your bils apology texts as proof. (you may wanna send them to your mom as proof so she can relax.)
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nta, sounds like your sister had major jealousy issues
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i would have slammed the door in her face after that first rude comment. nta
|
this has to be a work of fiction
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when the pandemic hit my husband(40m) and i(32f) decided it was best for me to stay home with the kids, i only worked part time. this would also give me the opportunity to be able to focus on my college.my sister(27f) and bil(33m) have no kids and were able to work from home. its been working for us, i am happier, my grades are better, the kids seem happier. husband still helps around the house and i get a day off every weekend. i was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt tonight when my sister and bil stopped by unannounced after 9:30pm banging on the door and rang the bell multiple times before i even had a chance to react to the first knock. i was in my room folding clothes since it was laundry day. out of habit, since my baby is still crawling, when i walked out of the room i closed the door. when i opened the front door, my sister said "damn, took you long enough. look at you. how the hell does husband put up with such a sloppy wife" i asked why she was here and to please be quiet the kids were sleeping. she rolled her eyes and said whatever. bil apologized for my sister and said, that he talked to husband about taking a look at his laptop, but bil didn't wanna stop by so late and he was just going to drop it off this weekend. i said husband is in the office, you can go give it to him. my room and the office are both right off the kitchen, only the room has a door and the office doesn't. sister, went and opened my door and got mad that i had my underwear on the bed, since i was in there folding the laundry. she asked me if it was appropriate to leave out my inmate things when i had guests over. i went and closed the door again saying i wasn't expecting guests and the door was closed. i asked her and bil if they wanted a drink since i was getting a water for myself, they said no, i asked husband, said yes. i gave him a drink. sister commented that i was a pushover and there wasn't anything wrong with my husband's legs and he could get his own damn drink. i said, yea but i was already in the fridge and was being nice. she then started telling me that i am being abused because i got him a drink and he "forced me to stop working". it got to the point that sister was screaming at me that i'm too stupid to see that i'm in an abusive relationship. i had enough and told her to get out of my house. i walked into the office and told bil he needed to leave and take sister with him. sister had followed behind me and was mocking me as i spoke. i finally raised my voice and said they both need to get the f\*ck out of my house, now. after they left i explained to my husband what happened. he agreed she was way out of line. sister hasn't stopped texting me about how ignorant i am for not seeing the abuse. bil has called and texted several times and apologized for sister. sister then told older brother and parents i rudely kicked her out for no reason and is currently trying to convince them that husband is abusive. now mom is worried its true. &#x200b; edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when the pandemic hit my husband(40m) and i(32f) decided it was best for me to stay home with the kids, i only worked part time. this would also give me the opportunity to be able to focus on my college.my sister(27f) and bil(33m) have no kids and were able to work from home. its been working for us, i am happier, my grades are better, the kids seem happier. husband still helps around the house and i get a day off every weekend. i was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt tonight when my sister and bil stopped by unannounced after 9:30pm banging on the door and rang the bell multiple times before i even had a chance to react to the first knock. i was in my room folding clothes since it was laundry day. out of habit, since my baby is still crawling, when i walked out of the room i closed the door. when i opened the front door, my sister said "damn, took you long enough. look at you. how the hell does husband put up with such a sloppy wife" i asked why she was here and to please be quiet the kids were sleeping. she rolled her eyes and said whatever. bil apologized for my sister and said, that he talked to husband about taking a look at his laptop, but bil didn't wanna stop by so late and he was just going to drop it off this weekend. i said husband is in the office, you can go give it to him. my room and the office are both right off the kitchen, only the room has a door and the office doesn't. sister, went and opened my door and got mad that i had my underwear on the bed, since i was in there folding the laundry. she asked me if it was appropriate to leave out my inmate things when i had guests over. i went and closed the door again saying i wasn't expecting guests and the door was closed. i asked her and bil if they wanted a drink since i was getting a water for myself, they said no, i asked husband, said yes. i gave him a drink. sister commented that i was a pushover and there wasn't anything wrong with my husband's legs and he could get his own damn drink. i said, yea but i was already in the fridge and was being nice. she then started telling me that i am being abused because i got him a drink and he "forced me to stop working". it got to the point that sister was screaming at me that i'm too stupid to see that i'm in an abusive relationship. i had enough and told her to get out of my house. i walked into the office and told bil he needed to leave and take sister with him. sister had followed behind me and was mocking me as i spoke. i finally raised my voice and said they both need to get the f\*ck out of my house, now. after they left i explained to my husband what happened. he agreed she was way out of line. sister hasn't stopped texting me about how ignorant i am for not seeing the abuse. bil has called and texted several times and apologized for sister. sister then told older brother and parents i rudely kicked her out for no reason and is currently trying to convince them that husband is abusive. now mom is worried its true. &#x200b; edit/ [/INST] info what drugs was your sister on at the time? </s>
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AITA for banning my MIL from the house after I discovered that she's installed a camera in the bedroom?
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my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm.
days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince.
aita.?
| 25,113
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tcf97q/aita_for_banning_my_mil_from_the_house_after_i/
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2022-03-12 12:18:41
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nta. report it to the police. let your husband go home to his mummy.
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nta. let your husband move out then. that woman should be arrested! what kind of family is this???? get tf out of dodge before you are entangled with children.
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nta jesus. i have a sick feeling she never would have uninstalled it. check the rest of your house and block anyone who doesn’t respect your autonomy and privacy.
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nta. your husband just asked for a divorce. let him stay married to his mother. there are better fish in the sea.
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nta let him move, problem solved 🤷🏼♀️ where’s the conflict? the relationship is probably over, but have you not realised your husband knew about the camera? she installed it while he was in the room.
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nta. time for him to go live with mummy. f that report to police ad file for divorce. that family is crazy.
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nta wtf.
you could have been getting dressed. you could have had some 'alone time'. you could have helped your husband beat some meat.
so many things she could have seen that she had no right to. i don't even think i'd talk to her.
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nta and tbh i think what she did was illegal???? if neither you nor your husband consented to it, it feels really really illegal
you’re not stopping her from seeing her son, you’re preventing her from literally breaching your privacy in one of the worst ways she could possibly do again
she had no right to install a camera in your bedroom let alone anywhere in your house whatsoever just bc she was concerned
she should’ve just offered to help whenever she came over instead of just giving you a list (i’m sure you know how to care for your own husband) and secretly installing a camera
edit to add: if your husband says he’ll move in with his mom, let him
let her take care of him since she’s this worried about him and he seems unbothered by the fact that she installed a camera in your own bedroom without you knowing
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nta
i think your husband moving in with his mom while recovering is the best idea, as he will receive the proper care his family thinks he deserves.
he wants it, mil wants it, let them have it. just let him know you will take him back anytime he wants it
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nta, let him move in with her. he has shown you where your feelings rank with him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm. days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince. aita.?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm. days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince. aita.? [/INST] nta. report it to the police. let your husband go home to his mummy. </s>
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WIBTA if I didn’t adopt my dead husbands children?
|
hello, i of course know how awful this sounds. but it is a recent development and i’m unsure if i’m completely in the wrong.
before i married my husband he had 3 children with his ex wife who were (2,2, 5)when we got married. his ex was still bitter ( i say this in the most respectful way possible. but it’s true) as they had only been divorced officially for a year.
after that custody was a big issue with us with her and my husband fighting for full custody.
unfortunately we only ended up getting weekends and the complete months of december and july while they were out of school. so it goes without saying i wasn’t much of a mother figure to them rather than their fathers wife . my husband passed away 2 years ago in an accident and i haven’t seen them aside from the funeral in all that time.
his wife called me up sometime last month to reveal she’s suffering from a terminal illness (a brain tumor) and that she was hoping i could take in the children after she passed. both her and my husbands parents are far to old to even care for themselves completely (i still take his mother grocery shopping as she can’t do it alone) and that there was no one else who would be able to care for and support the children in a proper way. she said her sister suffers from addiction and i’m not sure if that could be something the state would consider if there was truly no one left.
i told her i’d consider and needed to think it over and would call her in my mind i feel that even though it’s heartbreaking that she has to consider who will care. for her children when she’s dead so soon but i’m not sold and i don’t want to jump in with full custody of 3 children who i haven’t seen in two years
aita?
| 3,048
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bee2kf/wibta_if_i_didnt_adopt_my_dead_husbands_children/
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2019-04-17 22:38:03
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nah. that is a tough decision to make. good luck.
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man, i think the ordinary rules don't work here. a quick tagline acronym to summarize such an enormous life problem? nah, i'm gonna pass this time.
first, let's set straight. you do this, and you win the awesome person^tm test. what you need to decide is simple. are these your kids in your heart? are you the good kind of person who can give them the love they need? if they are, leap. if you are, leap. if they are not, i feel deep sympathy for these kids.
there are sooo many consequences here. i wish you the very, very best in dealing with this extraordinarly difficult topic.
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nah but i would personally find it impossible to allow the children of a man i loved to enter foster care. i know this is reddit, and we're all (probably) westerners who strongly believe in taking care of ourselves first and living our best lives and all that shit, but i urge you to consider another perspective.
i work with children in foster care and adults who have aged out of foster care. no happy stories there. i'm 85% certain that 3 kids will be separated and put into different homes because it is almost impossible to find a home that can take 3 kids at once. it will fragment their relationships forever. it will traumatize them. if they're all lucky, they'll be adopted by nice people - but probably different people. if they're unlucky...they will become one of the kids i work with who makes me cry at night because we just can't pack decades of love and parenting into the limited interaction we get with these kids. it's not that foster parents are horrible. they're often wonderful. the system is horrible. but some foster parents are horrible. and you'd be leaving it all up to chance.
i urge you also to consider that these young children have lost both parents. this is hard enough for kids, but it will also be hard as they age. you are their only link to their biological parents. if you are at all able, even if it's hard, even if you're filled with doubt, please consider keeping them from an overburdened, underfunded system.
if you cannot take them permanently, can you take temporary custody and work to find adoptive homes for them? great adoptive parents are out there, but you will be best able to find them if you retain custody, rather than leaving it to the state. if you feel unfit to be a mother, this is not a good solution, but if you think you can handle it for a while, then maybe you could work with a private adoption agency to place them together in a good home?
parenting is terrifying. it really is. it's costly and overwhelming, too. but if there is a part of you that is excited or interested, then maybe this is something that would work out well. children can bring incredible joy into our lives, even as they bring stress. they can push us to become better, more resilient, more empathetic and caring versions of ourselves. if my husband died, i think i would do almost anything to keep the little pieces of him that were left in the world safe and happy. but that is me, and this is you, so do what you think is right - but just keep in mind that right and easy are often too far apart for human comfort.
good luck, friend. i hope things work out.
obligatory /r/awardspeechedit material: i'm glad this comment touched so many people. if you want to touch even more lives, please consider volunteering with or donating to your local court appointed special advocates (casa) or guardian ad litem (gal) program. this is a nonprofit that trains volunteers who monitor and advocate for kids in foster care; their role is essential in a system that overloads caseworkers and neglects children. my local casa, casa new orleans, is the only casa in my entire state that also supports kids who have aged out of foster care at 18. (feel free to give us money! a big part of my job is just asking people for money in creative ways lol). it's a big, scary world out there, and most foster kids are traumatized and unprepared for the world at-large, and we try to help them with that. the world in general is scary, so...let's try to help each other with that.
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nah. i'm so sorry this series of events has fallen at your feet. my condolences on the passing of your husband. this is a difficult decision. if you aren't 150% on board, don't even consider it. children are a lot of work. especially someone else's children. this is a very serious decision. i wish you the best of luck in making this difficult choice.
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maybe reunite with the kids and see what sparks. find out what they want and how you feel around them before making a permanent decision. remember also, these kids were the apples of your husband's eyes. they are his dna. even if the two of you decided not to have kids, you were their dad's wife and they knew he trusted you.
best of luck with your decision.
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nta
if you're not prepared to adopt three children, don't do it. that's a lot to take on.
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for people who thought it was relevant:
•we were married for 5 years and together for 6
•the kids are now (10, 10, 14)
•no we never got around to having kids of our own and i still don’t have any
•their mother never remarried
•i do passably for myself but could reasonably support the three of them provided we all make sacrifices and their mother or the state helps supplement the income either with her life insurance or some type of aid
the biggest issue i have with myself being “ta” is the commitment. these are little people who my husband loved dearly but at the same time i barley know. i’ve always thought i was a decent person but my extreme hesitation make me think otherwise
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info
how long were you and your husband married? how old are the kids now?
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nah - it's a shit situation but ultimately not your responsibility. it's hard for me to believe they'd be better off with a person they only saw on weekends 2 years ago than with, idk, anyone else currently in their lives.
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nah. this is a tough situation. of course the best thing for the children, if no one they know could take them, is you taking them...this is obvious as foster care is less than ideal. however, this is a huge commitment and burden to place on you especially for kids you don’t know well. you would not be ta or even a bad person for refusing, however it would be an amazing selfless thing to do if you did decide to adopt them.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| null |
INFO
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.0625
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello, i of course know how awful this sounds. but it is a recent development and i’m unsure if i’m completely in the wrong. before i married my husband he had 3 children with his ex wife who were (2,2, 5)when we got married. his ex was still bitter ( i say this in the most respectful way possible. but it’s true) as they had only been divorced officially for a year. after that custody was a big issue with us with her and my husband fighting for full custody. unfortunately we only ended up getting weekends and the complete months of december and july while they were out of school. so it goes without saying i wasn’t much of a mother figure to them rather than their fathers wife . my husband passed away 2 years ago in an accident and i haven’t seen them aside from the funeral in all that time. his wife called me up sometime last month to reveal she’s suffering from a terminal illness (a brain tumor) and that she was hoping i could take in the children after she passed. both her and my husbands parents are far to old to even care for themselves completely (i still take his mother grocery shopping as she can’t do it alone) and that there was no one else who would be able to care for and support the children in a proper way. she said her sister suffers from addiction and i’m not sure if that could be something the state would consider if there was truly no one left. i told her i’d consider and needed to think it over and would call her in my mind i feel that even though it’s heartbreaking that she has to consider who will care. for her children when she’s dead so soon but i’m not sold and i don’t want to jump in with full custody of 3 children who i haven’t seen in two years aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello, i of course know how awful this sounds. but it is a recent development and i’m unsure if i’m completely in the wrong. before i married my husband he had 3 children with his ex wife who were (2,2, 5)when we got married. his ex was still bitter ( i say this in the most respectful way possible. but it’s true) as they had only been divorced officially for a year. after that custody was a big issue with us with her and my husband fighting for full custody. unfortunately we only ended up getting weekends and the complete months of december and july while they were out of school. so it goes without saying i wasn’t much of a mother figure to them rather than their fathers wife . my husband passed away 2 years ago in an accident and i haven’t seen them aside from the funeral in all that time. his wife called me up sometime last month to reveal she’s suffering from a terminal illness (a brain tumor) and that she was hoping i could take in the children after she passed. both her and my husbands parents are far to old to even care for themselves completely (i still take his mother grocery shopping as she can’t do it alone) and that there was no one else who would be able to care for and support the children in a proper way. she said her sister suffers from addiction and i’m not sure if that could be something the state would consider if there was truly no one left. i told her i’d consider and needed to think it over and would call her in my mind i feel that even though it’s heartbreaking that she has to consider who will care. for her children when she’s dead so soon but i’m not sold and i don’t want to jump in with full custody of 3 children who i haven’t seen in two years aita? [/INST] nah. that is a tough decision to make. good luck. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend I'm not comfortable with his daughter sleeping at my apartment?
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so, i have been seeing my boyfriend, "alan" for about 9 months. things are going really well. i live in an apartment and he lives in a house across the city from me. he has a 13 year old daughter that spends 3 or 4 days a week with him, depending on the week. he spends the night at my apartment sometimes or vice versa on the days that he doesn't have his daughter. things have been going really well and he introduced me to his daughter when we attended one of her baseball games. so that her mom could be there (i've met her twice; she is lovely) and everyone was comfortable. she is a lovely girl (his daughter), and we've done a few mall trips and i've had my nails done with her once, too. her mom is comfortable with her spending time with me, i got permission from her directly on the phone. but, we haven't been doing sleepovers because it just doesn't feel appropriate at this point. lately though, alan has been dropping hints that it would be nicer and easier if his daughter could just spend the night or if i would just come to his place. going home to separate places after taking 1 car to a late movie on a saturday for example. here's my hangup: it explicitly states in his custody agreement that no unmarried partner can spend the night under the same roof as his daughter. now, her mother told me that she doesn't mind, trusts me, and that their lawyers both advised including that for their daughters safety (of course) but since they know me and the circumstances, it's okay. my point is that no matter what people say they're okay with at the time, i don't want anybody going back or changing their mind or pulling a contract out and getting alan in trouble or causing any hard feelings or problems for anyone involved. alan seems to feel like it's something personal despite my insistence that it's not and thinks that i'm being rude by allowing him but not his daughter to spend the night and that i'm essentially disrespecting his family. i would love an opinion on whether or not i am the ahole.
| 3,775
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duc2do/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_im_not_comfortable/
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2019-11-10 14:26:41
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nah
if this is important to him and his ex is okay with it, then they need to get new legal papers drafted. you are not an asshole for being cautious.
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nta- to the contrary, i think that is incredibly considerate that you maintain the contract for the sake of legality. that could potentially get this man in a lot of trouble down the road and it seems he is only thinking of the short term benefit and disregarding the long term risk. i would suggest you talk to him and the mother about potentially adding a clause to the custody agreement allowing you to spend the night under the same roof as his daughter, or see if a notarized, signed statement from both parents would work, as this would be much cheaper than paying a lawyer's fees.
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nah
the mother likes you, could an amendment to the custody arrangement be made? it might cost a little, but you say they've already consulted their lawyers anyway. also, that may have been in place to protect her when she was much younger. she's 13 now, and is capable of understanding this change in family dynamics. there should be no harm in removing that clause now, but ianal.
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nta, if everyone is okay with this arrangement, then get it in writing first. i think you're right to be cautious when it comes to this kind of legal issue, as it could cause your partner to lose visitation rights.
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nta. it only takes one blowout or one jealous moment to cause huge problems also, it’s a bit soon to start integrating you and the kiddo. give yourselves a year or a bit longer to keep begetting to know each other.
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yeah, if that's in the custody agreement, don't break it. you don't know what people are gonna do later on if they do get pissed off for whatever reason. my advice would be to bring this up with the two of them together and suggest they have that clause removed, because else you're not comfortable doing it.
nah.
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that sounds sadly complicated, but if the legal agreement still stands i think you are nta for helping him stick to it. i would go for more explicit written permission from his daughter's mother at least so you have something to fall back on. how does his daughter feel, does she want to spend the night with you?
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nah. you have a valid concern. many people go back on what they were okay with. the best course of action would be to have new legal papers drafted.
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nta. i get what you are saying and that a real fear right there.
> alan seems to feel like it's something personal despite my insistence that it's not and thinks that i'm being rude by allowing him but not his daughter to spend the night and that i'm essentially disrespecting his family.
that's a problem though. him getting his feelings hurt over this instead of trusting you that it's not about his daughter is a bit of an issue. if he wants you to feel secure enough, he needs to get it in writing.
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nta.
dont know your country's legal system but if mum would just like to put in writing as in letter, not just a text, that she has met you and is happy with this that would make any attempt by her to bring action look very stupid.
or just go back to the court for a variation.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.009798
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i have been seeing my boyfriend, "alan" for about 9 months. things are going really well. i live in an apartment and he lives in a house across the city from me. he has a 13 year old daughter that spends 3 or 4 days a week with him, depending on the week. he spends the night at my apartment sometimes or vice versa on the days that he doesn't have his daughter. things have been going really well and he introduced me to his daughter when we attended one of her baseball games. so that her mom could be there (i've met her twice; she is lovely) and everyone was comfortable. she is a lovely girl (his daughter), and we've done a few mall trips and i've had my nails done with her once, too. her mom is comfortable with her spending time with me, i got permission from her directly on the phone. but, we haven't been doing sleepovers because it just doesn't feel appropriate at this point. lately though, alan has been dropping hints that it would be nicer and easier if his daughter could just spend the night or if i would just come to his place. going home to separate places after taking 1 car to a late movie on a saturday for example. here's my hangup: it explicitly states in his custody agreement that no unmarried partner can spend the night under the same roof as his daughter. now, her mother told me that she doesn't mind, trusts me, and that their lawyers both advised including that for their daughters safety (of course) but since they know me and the circumstances, it's okay. my point is that no matter what people say they're okay with at the time, i don't want anybody going back or changing their mind or pulling a contract out and getting alan in trouble or causing any hard feelings or problems for anyone involved. alan seems to feel like it's something personal despite my insistence that it's not and thinks that i'm being rude by allowing him but not his daughter to spend the night and that i'm essentially disrespecting his family. i would love an opinion on whether or not i am the ahole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i have been seeing my boyfriend, "alan" for about 9 months. things are going really well. i live in an apartment and he lives in a house across the city from me. he has a 13 year old daughter that spends 3 or 4 days a week with him, depending on the week. he spends the night at my apartment sometimes or vice versa on the days that he doesn't have his daughter. things have been going really well and he introduced me to his daughter when we attended one of her baseball games. so that her mom could be there (i've met her twice; she is lovely) and everyone was comfortable. she is a lovely girl (his daughter), and we've done a few mall trips and i've had my nails done with her once, too. her mom is comfortable with her spending time with me, i got permission from her directly on the phone. but, we haven't been doing sleepovers because it just doesn't feel appropriate at this point. lately though, alan has been dropping hints that it would be nicer and easier if his daughter could just spend the night or if i would just come to his place. going home to separate places after taking 1 car to a late movie on a saturday for example. here's my hangup: it explicitly states in his custody agreement that no unmarried partner can spend the night under the same roof as his daughter. now, her mother told me that she doesn't mind, trusts me, and that their lawyers both advised including that for their daughters safety (of course) but since they know me and the circumstances, it's okay. my point is that no matter what people say they're okay with at the time, i don't want anybody going back or changing their mind or pulling a contract out and getting alan in trouble or causing any hard feelings or problems for anyone involved. alan seems to feel like it's something personal despite my insistence that it's not and thinks that i'm being rude by allowing him but not his daughter to spend the night and that i'm essentially disrespecting his family. i would love an opinion on whether or not i am the ahole. [/INST] nah if this is important to him and his ex is okay with it, then they need to get new legal papers drafted. you are not an asshole for being cautious. </s>
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AITA for blowing up on my mother after she went to the ER?
|
i(29f) and my mother(49f) had a falling out tonight. now, first here's a bit of background. my mother is a chronic hypochondriac, as well as morbidly obese with an anxiety disorder. ever since i became a single mother she has been asking more and more of progressively. she lives almost half an hour away and she watches my son on the weekend. i work a very intense shift over the weekend.
for the longest time i didn't notice. i would tell her i was going to stay in my town for the week, until the evening before i go to work. every. single. week. something comes up. in the first week of january is was asking me to come down to get her wine because she couldn't go to the store herself and she wanted to wine because she was out of pain meds. i said 'no'. mind you, this was the night of the riots. she bothered me until i gave in. a few days later, the same thing. after that she needed someone to drive her to the store. she can drive. she needs to use a scooter in the store but she can manage. it keeps up like this.
one day two weeks ago in a ridiculous situation i tell her she needs to directly ask me for things instead of hinting. a small note here, she has never asked me outright to do anything. she would always hint and hint and hint in a manipulative way. i'm not sure she realizes how manipulative she is. we argued about money that day. she threw at me that she needed to pay for a vet cause on of her cats is sick. she really shouldn't have the cats. she can't take care of them. i ended up taking the cat to an emergency vet out of state on a weeknight. the cat was fine.
tonight i was fed up. i was chilling at home about 11 pm. she texts me and tells me she needs to go the hospital. she's having heart problems. she's taken her anxiety medication. i tell her me and my son are in bed. kid is already asleep. she sarcastically asks if she should go to bed and no bother me. i ask her twice if she is absolutely sure. she says yes. i find a sitter and go. i take her to the hospital. the er dr is one she doesn't like. the run blood tests, ekg and x ray.
there is nothing wrong. it's now like 2am. on the way home she tries to get me a taco. restaurant is closed and she apologizes. and i just lose it. i'm hungry and tired and still have at least half an hour to go before i'm home. i yell at her that it's not okay. that every week i'm in her town, even if i tell her i'm not coming down. she always does this and it needs to stop.
she says just 'fine. i won't call you again.'
i tell her the problem is that it's so often, not that she called me.
we didn't talk the rest of the ride.
she's mad and i feel conflicted over how i blew up. i always feel bad about being angry and can't necessarily tell when it's valid.
so aita?
| 905
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lxftfy/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_mother_after_she_went/
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2021-03-04 08:13:29
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info: with all these problems and the fact she drinks alcohol with medicines and can't look after her cats, have you thought about other options for your son?
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nta.
stop catering to your mother. clearly she is not well. but giving her attention is feeding her behavior. do not leave your child in her care. if she can't care for a cat, she certainly should not be watching your child - no matter how convenient it is.
she's proven to be a risk to your wellbeing, and is willing to pull you away from home at the crack of stupid to feed her attention needs. stop playing her games and let her fend for herself.
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nta but i wouldn't trust that woman with my son if i were you. the fact that she does to the hospital enough to have an er dr she 'doesn't like' (read: won't take her shit) concerns me...
info: if you are in the us does she have to pay for these trips? how does she afford it?
overall it's a really sh*tty situation because i get that she's is your mother and you love her but she is completely taking advantage of you and sounds utterly selfish. it worries me you were driving that tired too. this is a recipe for disaster imo
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nta but quit enabling her, you’re not doing either of you any favors. if it’s a true emergency she can call 911 and have an ambulance bring her to the emergency room.
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you don't think she can look after a cat, but you leave your son with ger? yta. you want all the benefits of being family with this woman but none of the responsibilities. just because they didn't find anything at the hospital doesn't mean she is ok, she may have had a panic attack.
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nta. it sounds like a role reversal, your mother wants you to mother her, to take care of her, to be there for her always. and it is not surprising seeing how she seems to be suffering from various medical conditions. i can understand that you feel responsible and want to be there for her, but ultimately, children are not and cannot be held responsible for their parents' happiness. she is an adult. she needs to take care of the underlying cause of her issues and you can be there to support her through it, but she doesn't get to interfere in your life the way she does, manipulating and guilt-tripping you into catering to her every whim. is she in therapy for the anxiety and hypochondria?
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esh.
you have her watch your 12 year old for the entire weekend every weekend. if you’re not paying her (or are paying her far less than a professional) it’s not unreasonable for her to ask for favors in return without that favor being something she’s completely unable to do. and from your description she’s asking once or twice a week, which doesn’t seem like a lot. and you don’t think she can care for her cats but leave a 12 year old with her anyway.
that said, asking you to drive half an hour to take her to the hospital when your kid is already asleep is too much. i get why she didn’t call an ambulance (anxiety can feel like a heart attack but you know it likely isn’t but at the same time you know that if you can your primary care doc they’ll tell you to go to the er, but it feels absurd to call for an ambulance over what is very likely a false alarm) but calling a cab is a far more reasonable option than asking someone to leave their kid home alone to stay with them the whole time. and the constant hinting instead of asking sucks too.
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hypochondria is a sickness, ironically. look i'm not saying anyone is ta... except ur mom if she can't care for her kitties. she needs to find better homes for them.
but this is complicated. say she was demented or had alzheimer's. that'd bother u too. it's easier to get angry when someone has hypochondria because people think it's just vanity attention seeking. it is not.
i have hypochondria. but i also have a fear of going to the doctor so many times i've made my peace and prepared to die because while i thought i would die, i couldn't go to the hospital. one time i was so desperate, i walked to the hospital and then turned back because going in was scarier to me. it's not about attention seeking. it's like an alarm in ur head that goes off. ur under no obligation to help but try to have a little sympathy for her illnesses. i'll probably get downvoted but as a hypochondriac i felt like i had to say this.
i'm also no saint. just... i feel bad for her. make sure those kitties are ok please?
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nta - but your mom goes to the er enough to a point where she doesn't like one of the doctors. so basically, drug seeking behavior. she also needs to drink because she ran out of pain medication. something that usually doesn't happen if you take medication as its prescribed. please see if you can find other arrangements for your son. and stop enabling your mother.
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
|
ESH
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.243004
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(29f) and my mother(49f) had a falling out tonight. now, first here's a bit of background. my mother is a chronic hypochondriac, as well as morbidly obese with an anxiety disorder. ever since i became a single mother she has been asking more and more of progressively. she lives almost half an hour away and she watches my son on the weekend. i work a very intense shift over the weekend. for the longest time i didn't notice. i would tell her i was going to stay in my town for the week, until the evening before i go to work. every. single. week. something comes up. in the first week of january is was asking me to come down to get her wine because she couldn't go to the store herself and she wanted to wine because she was out of pain meds. i said 'no'. mind you, this was the night of the riots. she bothered me until i gave in. a few days later, the same thing. after that she needed someone to drive her to the store. she can drive. she needs to use a scooter in the store but she can manage. it keeps up like this. one day two weeks ago in a ridiculous situation i tell her she needs to directly ask me for things instead of hinting. a small note here, she has never asked me outright to do anything. she would always hint and hint and hint in a manipulative way. i'm not sure she realizes how manipulative she is. we argued about money that day. she threw at me that she needed to pay for a vet cause on of her cats is sick. she really shouldn't have the cats. she can't take care of them. i ended up taking the cat to an emergency vet out of state on a weeknight. the cat was fine. tonight i was fed up. i was chilling at home about 11 pm. she texts me and tells me she needs to go the hospital. she's having heart problems. she's taken her anxiety medication. i tell her me and my son are in bed. kid is already asleep. she sarcastically asks if she should go to bed and no bother me. i ask her twice if she is absolutely sure. she says yes. i find a sitter and go. i take her to the hospital. the er dr is one she doesn't like. the run blood tests, ekg and x ray. there is nothing wrong. it's now like 2am. on the way home she tries to get me a taco. restaurant is closed and she apologizes. and i just lose it. i'm hungry and tired and still have at least half an hour to go before i'm home. i yell at her that it's not okay. that every week i'm in her town, even if i tell her i'm not coming down. she always does this and it needs to stop. she says just 'fine. i won't call you again.' i tell her the problem is that it's so often, not that she called me. we didn't talk the rest of the ride. she's mad and i feel conflicted over how i blew up. i always feel bad about being angry and can't necessarily tell when it's valid. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(29f) and my mother(49f) had a falling out tonight. now, first here's a bit of background. my mother is a chronic hypochondriac, as well as morbidly obese with an anxiety disorder. ever since i became a single mother she has been asking more and more of progressively. she lives almost half an hour away and she watches my son on the weekend. i work a very intense shift over the weekend. for the longest time i didn't notice. i would tell her i was going to stay in my town for the week, until the evening before i go to work. every. single. week. something comes up. in the first week of january is was asking me to come down to get her wine because she couldn't go to the store herself and she wanted to wine because she was out of pain meds. i said 'no'. mind you, this was the night of the riots. she bothered me until i gave in. a few days later, the same thing. after that she needed someone to drive her to the store. she can drive. she needs to use a scooter in the store but she can manage. it keeps up like this. one day two weeks ago in a ridiculous situation i tell her she needs to directly ask me for things instead of hinting. a small note here, she has never asked me outright to do anything. she would always hint and hint and hint in a manipulative way. i'm not sure she realizes how manipulative she is. we argued about money that day. she threw at me that she needed to pay for a vet cause on of her cats is sick. she really shouldn't have the cats. she can't take care of them. i ended up taking the cat to an emergency vet out of state on a weeknight. the cat was fine. tonight i was fed up. i was chilling at home about 11 pm. she texts me and tells me she needs to go the hospital. she's having heart problems. she's taken her anxiety medication. i tell her me and my son are in bed. kid is already asleep. she sarcastically asks if she should go to bed and no bother me. i ask her twice if she is absolutely sure. she says yes. i find a sitter and go. i take her to the hospital. the er dr is one she doesn't like. the run blood tests, ekg and x ray. there is nothing wrong. it's now like 2am. on the way home she tries to get me a taco. restaurant is closed and she apologizes. and i just lose it. i'm hungry and tired and still have at least half an hour to go before i'm home. i yell at her that it's not okay. that every week i'm in her town, even if i tell her i'm not coming down. she always does this and it needs to stop. she says just 'fine. i won't call you again.' i tell her the problem is that it's so often, not that she called me. we didn't talk the rest of the ride. she's mad and i feel conflicted over how i blew up. i always feel bad about being angry and can't necessarily tell when it's valid. so aita? [/INST] info: with all these problems and the fact she drinks alcohol with medicines and can't look after her cats, have you thought about other options for your son? </s>
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AITA for wearing panties and a t-shirt around the house?
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context, i’m 16 and my brother is 19.
i like to wear panties and a t-shirt to sleep. my panties are not thongs, they are bikini-style and cover all of the “no-no areas.” the t-shirts are loose and sometimes even are long enough to cover up the panties. my brother absolutely hates that i wear this as lounge wear and complains all the time about me walking around in it to go to the bathroom or do other nighttime routines. he insists that i buy a bunch of sleep shorts and pajama pants to wear, which i find really uncomfortable. i tell him i’m wearing more than he’s seen me wear in a public beach, which apparently doesn’t matter.
both him and my dad are like this—if i come out of the bathroom after a shower wrapped in a towel, they act like i’m naked and will cover their eyes and yell “what are you doing? why are you naked??”
aita?
| 530
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dht97v/aita_for_wearing_panties_and_a_tshirt_around_the/
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2019-10-14 16:45:23
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info- do your dad and brother walk around in their underwear?
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nta, because you don't seem to be roaming around the house with it. the fact that they're not okay with you being covered in a towel is concerning.
i'm a guy with 5 sisters, i'll be honest i wouldn't want to see any of them in just their panties and a shirt. if your shirt covers your underwear then they can't really complain. i've seen them in just a towel and it didn't bother me. a guy doesn't want to know what color panties his little sister wears.
you do you, but just keep that in mind.
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nta-ish... and i say "ish" because my now 18 y.o. daughter flips out if she walks out of the bathroom with just a towel on and im anywhere in the line of sight. she even flips out on her mom when she goes to wake her (daughter) up because daughter likes to sleep naked (under covers). no i don't think of my daughter like that and, yes, i used to change her diaper.. but i'd like to see her clothed when her mom and i are in line of sight. i also don't feel comfortable just being in boxers around either daughter, but i'm the kind of guy to sit around in jeans, so, there's that.
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nta. sorry to say but your family sounds weird. your home is where you should feel able to dress and be as you like. only instance i can think of where you might think about covering up more is if there are guests.
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granted, there is really no difference between your underwear and a bikini bottom, but if my sister had done that growing up, i'd have bitched about it too. there are some things that brothers and dads absolutely do not want to see and you're putting them in a position to see them.
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looks like there's a lot of people here who are uncomfortable with bodies, maybe it's something cultural but i'll give you my take on this.
nta. i've never even considered the possibility of being uncomfortable with my sisters doing that, and they take it further than you.
it's a little weird from my point of view to feel unsettled if your sister/daughter goes around the house like that.
i've read your comment saying your father and brother actually go around in underwear too, so i guess this is just some good old double standard.
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eh. im gonna go with yta. you don't have to sleep in shorts or pants, but you should wear them in shared spaces. your brother or dad shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in their living space.
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buy a bathrobe or something, you’re not the only person living there and some people are less comfortable with that than others. ytah.
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yta. possibly.
it's a shared living space. you all have an equal say in what happens. if your dad and your brother walk around in their boxers and/or walk around with only a towel after a shower, then you should be able to do the same.
if they don't, then you shouldn't either.
you are entitled to your comfort, but they are entitled to theirs, too. it's the same thing as the stinky fish rule. you don't eat stinky fish in the house unless you all agree it's okay.
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if they want you to put on more clothes, you should all agree to wear pants and shirts. if they dont want to, it must not be that important to them.
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INFO
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0.449301
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: context, i’m 16 and my brother is 19. i like to wear panties and a t-shirt to sleep. my panties are not thongs, they are bikini-style and cover all of the “no-no areas.” the t-shirts are loose and sometimes even are long enough to cover up the panties. my brother absolutely hates that i wear this as lounge wear and complains all the time about me walking around in it to go to the bathroom or do other nighttime routines. he insists that i buy a bunch of sleep shorts and pajama pants to wear, which i find really uncomfortable. i tell him i’m wearing more than he’s seen me wear in a public beach, which apparently doesn’t matter. both him and my dad are like this—if i come out of the bathroom after a shower wrapped in a towel, they act like i’m naked and will cover their eyes and yell “what are you doing? why are you naked??” aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
context, i’m 16 and my brother is 19. i like to wear panties and a t-shirt to sleep. my panties are not thongs, they are bikini-style and cover all of the “no-no areas.” the t-shirts are loose and sometimes even are long enough to cover up the panties. my brother absolutely hates that i wear this as lounge wear and complains all the time about me walking around in it to go to the bathroom or do other nighttime routines. he insists that i buy a bunch of sleep shorts and pajama pants to wear, which i find really uncomfortable. i tell him i’m wearing more than he’s seen me wear in a public beach, which apparently doesn’t matter. both him and my dad are like this—if i come out of the bathroom after a shower wrapped in a towel, they act like i’m naked and will cover their eyes and yell “what are you doing? why are you naked??” aita? [/INST] info- do your dad and brother walk around in their underwear? </s>
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AITA for not showing up to my daughter’s birth because my fiance lied?
|
my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm.
she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly.
when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have.
my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment.
aita?
| 8,242
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmxg3v/aita_for_not_showing_up_to_my_daughters_birth/
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2020-07-07 16:09:49
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yta. she shouldn't have lied but obviously she feared if you knew the truth you wouldn't come and you didn't. you literally proved her right.
>she got my hopes up for a boy
?? its the birth of your child and you missed it cus you wanted it to be a boy.
its your child regardless??
if not for your wife be there for your kid jesus.
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[removed]
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yta because you missed the birth of your child because you're on bad terms with the mother atm. you will never get to experience that again.
yta for being disappointed that you had a girl. and if this is how you react to finding out you're having a girl then your wife is probably right about the way women are treated in your family.
yta for holding on to this anger for months instead of working through it.
and yta for obviously missing the doctor appointments during your wife's pregnancy or you would've found out the sex of the baby when she did.
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yta
>especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly
>
>i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month
you don't appear to value a daughter nearly as much as a son. it appears that your fiance's concern that your family treats women badly is well founded.
>i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
>
> she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago
this wasn't just about not being there for your fiance, but about being there for the birth of your daughter. this doesn't sound like a case of her going into labor early and you missed the birth, you were actively boycotting it. you had 2 months to make peace with this but have refused to do so.
your fiance shouldn't have lied to you, if for no other reason, to give you a reason to feel justified for making your pouting about her lying instead of about you being disappointed that your first (i assume) child isn't a boy.
please put your sexist bullshit aside and be a good father to your daughter. i have a young daughter that i love to pieces. it breaks my heart that you don't feel the same way about yours.
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info- why does she feel women are treated badly in your family? why would you schedule a trip around her due date? why did you have your “hopes up” about it being a boy?
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yta - you just proved her claims of women being treated poorly. this is your daughter, and you didn’t come because you hate her mother.
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yta. sounds like the women in your family are indeed treated badly, and you're carrying that cycle along by your own admission. frankly, given your pettiness, penchant for cruelty, and massive overreactive tendencies, i hope fiance becomes your ex-fiance and seeks full custody. you don't sound fit to be parent to a daughter.
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**yt biggest a for real.**
* if she believes that the women in your family are "treated badly" to the point that she was afraid to tell you that you're having a daughter, y'all need counseling.
* regardless of how mad you are, be at the birth of your child. not just because **you'll never get that moment back**, but also because you're kind of proving her right.
* it's awful that she lied. but now you "hate" her? damn!
edited ruling: i was almost leaning esh, but am full yta now. i appreciate the excellent points others have made.
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>especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly.
ok, what has happened that's made her feel like she had to go as far as lying?
>my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy
yeah, you definately need to tell us what it is about you and your family that made her do this.
>i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
but you would have if it was going to be the birth of a son?
yta.
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wow, with that kind of attitude i can see why she lied about the gender. yta, and i wouldn't be surprised if you're not single again soon.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.009259
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm. she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly. when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have. my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms. since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm. she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly. when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have. my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms. since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment. aita? [/INST] yta. she shouldn't have lied but obviously she feared if you knew the truth you wouldn't come and you didn't. you literally proved her right. >she got my hopes up for a boy ?? its the birth of your child and you missed it cus you wanted it to be a boy. its your child regardless?? if not for your wife be there for your kid jesus. </s>
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AITA for not wanting for fiance's pregnant ex-girlfriend to spend a night with us?
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throwaway. please let me know if i am the asshole. i am seriously losing my mind over this. i can't sleep.
&#x200b;
i've been with my fiance for 6 months now. before we got together, he was in a relationship with x. they broke up and my fiance cut all ties with x. i haven't heard about them or from them until 2 days ago.
my fiance asked me to come with him to his car. in there, x was sitting, with obvious belly. my fiance said that x suddenly called him and begged for help. apparently she lost her job and her landlord evicted her for not paying rent. my fiance has a very good heart and obviously wanted to let her stay. i asked why the fuck he suddenly wants to help her after not talking to her for so long, and hear this: apparently she's pregnant with my fiance's baby from the time they were together. she said she's 8 months pregnant. i lost my mind when i heard it, told her to fuck off. she begged to stay because apparently she had no one left to help.
my fiance got very upset with me for not wanting to help her. i couldn't stay there anymore and left to sleep at my parent's house. my fiance called me and said that he's very disappointed with me and that he's letting x stay until she finds somewhere else to sleep.
aita? i don't want to go back there.
| 519
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b3g4x6/aita_for_not_wanting_for_fiances_pregnant/
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2019-03-20 19:18:13
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info: there’s so much missing here. it’s such a wtf situation and you should probably reconsider your relationship now.
he should not have dropped his information on you in front of her, after saying “she’s gonna he living with us for a while”.
how long has he known that she was pregnant with his child?
what’s he planning on doing in terms of he kid? coparenting? paying child support but not being a part of the kids life? is a dna test gonna be done? are you willing to be a step mum?
|
esh you all seem to be severely lacking in the judgement department.
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[deleted]
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i want to say esh but 6 months relationship and you’re engaged and living together..? and this man is going to have a child with someone else? why would you want to be together with this person? too much drama in very little time
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esh: there is some stupidity in this post that i can not process it all. this sounds like something for r/trashy.
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you're engaged to a man you've been with for 6 months?
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nta. that's a decision you should make together, and he ambushed you.
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nta.
it's your home too, first of all. second, the way he sprung it on you is absolutely insane. what the heck? he just took you to the car with the pregnant ex and told you it's his baby??
this is something that should have been discussed well in advance of her ever coming close to your house. the fact that it wasn't is frankly deeply worrying. also it's his? how long has he known this? did he literally just find out?? or did he hide it from you? that's a huge difference right there.
be very very cautious with this. 6 months is not that long for a relationship. if this is indeed his baby, consider leaving now. otherwise he will forever be tied to this ex, paying child support, probably have the kid over etc. are you ready to be dating the dad of a newborn? are you ready to deal with the ex on a constant basis? are you ready to have a baby over every other weekend?
also, urgent question: are you ready to marry someone who literally drives his ex up to your doorstep, opens the door, and essentially tells you she lives with you indefinitely now? because he certainly didn't ask and you had no say in it. you also have no idea when or if she'll ever leave.
seriously, think about this very carefully. you're nta for sure, but i strongly suggest you pack your bags and leave them to it. i don't think you considered any of this when you agreed to marry him. it is a very different situation with a baby now!
best of luck, please don't think you did anything wrong. he sprung this on you and is now blaming you for having an issue with something most people would not be ok with.
|
nta
not to sound harsh but is there even any proof that this is his kid?
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esh. he obviously should’ve talked about this with you first, but it doesn’t sound like you handled it very well either.
|
INFO
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.532852
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. please let me know if i am the asshole. i am seriously losing my mind over this. i can't sleep. &#x200b; i've been with my fiance for 6 months now. before we got together, he was in a relationship with x. they broke up and my fiance cut all ties with x. i haven't heard about them or from them until 2 days ago. my fiance asked me to come with him to his car. in there, x was sitting, with obvious belly. my fiance said that x suddenly called him and begged for help. apparently she lost her job and her landlord evicted her for not paying rent. my fiance has a very good heart and obviously wanted to let her stay. i asked why the fuck he suddenly wants to help her after not talking to her for so long, and hear this: apparently she's pregnant with my fiance's baby from the time they were together. she said she's 8 months pregnant. i lost my mind when i heard it, told her to fuck off. she begged to stay because apparently she had no one left to help. my fiance got very upset with me for not wanting to help her. i couldn't stay there anymore and left to sleep at my parent's house. my fiance called me and said that he's very disappointed with me and that he's letting x stay until she finds somewhere else to sleep. aita? i don't want to go back there.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. please let me know if i am the asshole. i am seriously losing my mind over this. i can't sleep. &#x200b; i've been with my fiance for 6 months now. before we got together, he was in a relationship with x. they broke up and my fiance cut all ties with x. i haven't heard about them or from them until 2 days ago. my fiance asked me to come with him to his car. in there, x was sitting, with obvious belly. my fiance said that x suddenly called him and begged for help. apparently she lost her job and her landlord evicted her for not paying rent. my fiance has a very good heart and obviously wanted to let her stay. i asked why the fuck he suddenly wants to help her after not talking to her for so long, and hear this: apparently she's pregnant with my fiance's baby from the time they were together. she said she's 8 months pregnant. i lost my mind when i heard it, told her to fuck off. she begged to stay because apparently she had no one left to help. my fiance got very upset with me for not wanting to help her. i couldn't stay there anymore and left to sleep at my parent's house. my fiance called me and said that he's very disappointed with me and that he's letting x stay until she finds somewhere else to sleep. aita? i don't want to go back there. [/INST] info: there’s so much missing here. it’s such a wtf situation and you should probably reconsider your relationship now. he should not have dropped his information on you in front of her, after saying “she’s gonna he living with us for a while”. how long has he known that she was pregnant with his child? what’s he planning on doing in terms of he kid? coparenting? paying child support but not being a part of the kids life? is a dna test gonna be done? are you willing to be a step mum? </s>
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AITA for refusing to take off my necklace for my wedding?
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i have a dogtag necklace engraved with the name of my best friend and the date of the day she killed herself and the other dogtag has an engraving of a lily, her name. i have worn these for the last 12 years and i have never taken it off (apart from showering etc). i always wear it when i am out because she was the greatest friend i could ever ask for. however, when i wear my suit, you can slightly see them through the shirt like as a dogtag shaped bump. my fiancé wants me to take the necklace off for the wedding as she thinks you'll be able to see it in the pictures. i refused, as i have always worn them and they mean the absolute world to me. my fiancé does too but i don't think it's a problem that you can slightly see them considering she knows how much they mean to me. aita?
by necklace i just mean a basic silver chain by the way.
| 3,324
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cne7dz/aita_for_refusing_to_take_off_my_necklace_for_my/
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2019-08-08 00:39:04
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nah. you could compromise by having a chair with a lily on it reserved for your friend? i can see your fiancée wanting to be the only woman with jewelry marking a claim on you that day.
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a very gentle yta. you’re putting a friend over your wife. you’re putting a friend who’s been gone for 12 years over the woman you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.
taking off the necklace doesn’t mean you love the friend any less. and i’m sorry if this sounds insensitive, but i can assure you that lily doesn’t care whether or not you take it off.
your wedding is about you and your wife, and she already seems like she’s very okay with you bringing lily into every other aspect of your life, but it’s disrespectful to your wife to refuse to take it off. i don’t think it’d be disrespectful to lily to take off the necklace for one day.
again, just think about who’s more important. and if that answer isn’t your wife, then you’ve got bigger issues.
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yta. honestly... i’d feel weird if my husband wore jewelry tying him to *anyone* but me on our wedding day. weddings are extremely symbolic & they’re meant to be about the couple, not the couple’s friends and family.
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yta...one frickin' day is all she asked for. quite frankly i wonder if your future wife realizes that she will always only be the 2nd most important woman to you.
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i don’t think you’re ta, but i think in this case perhaps go with what your fiancé wants. she’s only asking for it to be this one day, since a wedding is a major deal for a lot of people, and she’s not asking out of jealousy or any poor emotion. in essence, it may seem like you are putting a deceased friend ahead of your living wife-to-be. it’s one day, and if your friend is looking down on you i’m sure she would understand. i don’t mean any of that to sound harsh, as like i said, you are not ta. i’d probably go with nah, but still lean more towards just take it off for the day.
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you desperately need therapy if you can’t take off a chain for your own wedding. it’s been 12 years dude, a couple hours with it in your pocket won’t hurt. the fact that you won’t budge on this is incredibly unhealthy. you won’t magically just forget about your friend, i guarantee it.
yta
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nah. you should invest in some therapy for putting your need to memorialize your deceased friend in this way ahead of your future wife.
your friend is not less loved if you put he dog tag away but your fiance is being disrespected here by your making such a big deal about an inanimate object.
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i almost want to say no assholes here b/c i think both of your feelings are reasonable but really, esh for not thinking of some sort of solution to this. put it on your wrist or ankle? swing it around to your back? i'm concerned that y'all don't seem to have tried at all here. marriage is going to be full of stuff like this, but more important and with less obvious solutions. so esh to each other but also to yourselves.
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info do you sleep and have sex with the dog tags
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yta.
seek therapy. it's been 12 years. frame the necklace. learn to let yourself move on with life.
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.34993
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a dogtag necklace engraved with the name of my best friend and the date of the day she killed herself and the other dogtag has an engraving of a lily, her name. i have worn these for the last 12 years and i have never taken it off (apart from showering etc). i always wear it when i am out because she was the greatest friend i could ever ask for. however, when i wear my suit, you can slightly see them through the shirt like as a dogtag shaped bump. my fiancé wants me to take the necklace off for the wedding as she thinks you'll be able to see it in the pictures. i refused, as i have always worn them and they mean the absolute world to me. my fiancé does too but i don't think it's a problem that you can slightly see them considering she knows how much they mean to me. aita? by necklace i just mean a basic silver chain by the way.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a dogtag necklace engraved with the name of my best friend and the date of the day she killed herself and the other dogtag has an engraving of a lily, her name. i have worn these for the last 12 years and i have never taken it off (apart from showering etc). i always wear it when i am out because she was the greatest friend i could ever ask for. however, when i wear my suit, you can slightly see them through the shirt like as a dogtag shaped bump. my fiancé wants me to take the necklace off for the wedding as she thinks you'll be able to see it in the pictures. i refused, as i have always worn them and they mean the absolute world to me. my fiancé does too but i don't think it's a problem that you can slightly see them considering she knows how much they mean to me. aita? by necklace i just mean a basic silver chain by the way. [/INST] nah. you could compromise by having a chair with a lily on it reserved for your friend? i can see your fiancée wanting to be the only woman with jewelry marking a claim on you that day. </s>
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AITA for not letting my fiancé’s friend come to the wedding?
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my fiancé and i were planning our wedding and he passed over his guest list and a name stuck out to me. it was my middle school and high school bully. he throw spit balls at me and put rotting food in my desk so all the other kids would think it was me. he also had a shellfish allergy and could be around shellfish but not eat it. so he knew i heated up shellfish in the microwave and would stand in front of me not letting me get to the microwave telling me i was making him sick and then get all his friends to harass me. even when i wasn’t bringing shellfish he would tell me i had a fishy smell to me and even once called it a “dirty chinese smell”. he also made the slanted eyes racist joke in front of me regularly. i told my fiancé this and made it clear there’s no way i’m letting this guy come and he defended him basically saying everyone was an asshole in high school and we were adults now so i should forgive and forget. his friend was apparently a family friend’s son so if he wasn’t coming neither were they. he then without telling me brought my bully to meet me one day and he “apologized” claiming he didn’t remember anything but “apologized” for anything he did to me. i told him to f*ck off and to get of my lawn. my fiancé is furious with me for being rude to his friend and we had a screaming fight about it where he said he wasn’t taking his friend off the list and i told him he can get married to him instead.
| 7,184
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r216nd/aita_for_not_letting_my_fiancés_friend_come_to/
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2021-11-25 17:06:19
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info: why are you getting married to this guy?
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nta
the "i don't remember" got me. invite him, serve shellfish.
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nta - why is this bully so important to your fiance? please ask your fiance this.
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nta. why are you marrying a man who is willing to be friends with a racist bully???
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“everyone was an asshole in high school” wtf. does your fiancé think all kids are naturally racist and torment people for no reason? i personally can forgive people who own their mistakes and change their way of thinking. however for this guy to basically say “i’m gonna pretend i don’t remember bullying you constantly for years on end, but sorry” is total bs. you don’t just forget things like that. you shouldn’t have to look at him on your wedding day and think of what he’s done to you. dump your fiancé.
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nta - your wedding is the celebration of your union. why on earth would your fiance be so blase about this dude being such a fucking asshole to you?
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nta and dump him
as somebody who has been bullied, just seeing my bully gives me major anxiety. thinking they would be at my wedding would take away any joy from that day.
the fact that your fiance doesn't understand that shows how ignorant he is and how little empathy he has. is that seriously a person you’d want to spend your life with? i personally would never forgive my partner for inviting a person who made my life hell to a day of happiness.
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nta. why is he valuing having one specific family at his wedding over who he's actually marrying?
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nta
your fiancé has just shown you that he will not defend you, even from racists. in fact, he will force them upon you to try and bully you into doing this his way.
even if he realises the extent of his ah-ness and apologises, that fact will not change.
leave him and find someone who always has your back, because that’s the relationship and marriage that you deserve.
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from one asian girl to another, racism, even racism by proxy, is a hard no. cancel the wedding, throw yourself one of those self marriages that are so popular, and make the whole menu seafood out of spite.
nta.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancé and i were planning our wedding and he passed over his guest list and a name stuck out to me. it was my middle school and high school bully. he throw spit balls at me and put rotting food in my desk so all the other kids would think it was me. he also had a shellfish allergy and could be around shellfish but not eat it. so he knew i heated up shellfish in the microwave and would stand in front of me not letting me get to the microwave telling me i was making him sick and then get all his friends to harass me. even when i wasn’t bringing shellfish he would tell me i had a fishy smell to me and even once called it a “dirty chinese smell”. he also made the slanted eyes racist joke in front of me regularly. i told my fiancé this and made it clear there’s no way i’m letting this guy come and he defended him basically saying everyone was an asshole in high school and we were adults now so i should forgive and forget. his friend was apparently a family friend’s son so if he wasn’t coming neither were they. he then without telling me brought my bully to meet me one day and he “apologized” claiming he didn’t remember anything but “apologized” for anything he did to me. i told him to f*ck off and to get of my lawn. my fiancé is furious with me for being rude to his friend and we had a screaming fight about it where he said he wasn’t taking his friend off the list and i told him he can get married to him instead.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé and i were planning our wedding and he passed over his guest list and a name stuck out to me. it was my middle school and high school bully. he throw spit balls at me and put rotting food in my desk so all the other kids would think it was me. he also had a shellfish allergy and could be around shellfish but not eat it. so he knew i heated up shellfish in the microwave and would stand in front of me not letting me get to the microwave telling me i was making him sick and then get all his friends to harass me. even when i wasn’t bringing shellfish he would tell me i had a fishy smell to me and even once called it a “dirty chinese smell”. he also made the slanted eyes racist joke in front of me regularly. i told my fiancé this and made it clear there’s no way i’m letting this guy come and he defended him basically saying everyone was an asshole in high school and we were adults now so i should forgive and forget. his friend was apparently a family friend’s son so if he wasn’t coming neither were they. he then without telling me brought my bully to meet me one day and he “apologized” claiming he didn’t remember anything but “apologized” for anything he did to me. i told him to f*ck off and to get of my lawn. my fiancé is furious with me for being rude to his friend and we had a screaming fight about it where he said he wasn’t taking his friend off the list and i told him he can get married to him instead. [/INST] info: why are you getting married to this guy? </s>
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AITA for getting my daughter's ears peirced without telling my husband?
|
context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day.
thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that.
he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done.
aita?
edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.
| 12,064
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rs1qmi/aita_for_getting_my_daughters_ears_peirced/
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2021-12-30 13:24:48
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yta. i don't blame him for being angry. you were definitely "sneaky and untruthful" and then tried to blame your mom for it???
also,
*i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.*
what on earth makes you think this??????
i don't think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still ta.
|
yta.
>1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty
terrible reasons to get out done. also you went behind your husband back listening to your mother because you wanted to do what you wanted to do anyways. you know you'll be pissed he went behind your back listening to his father.
|
yta.
it's a child, not a christmas tree for you to decorate. and you explicitly went behind your husband's back for it, too.
|
yta
and he’s right, you’ve damaged the trust and asserted that you have more of a say in your daughter than he does, which is a fucked up and rude as hell thing to say.
i also think that piercing babies is dumb, they don’t need accessories and permanent changes shouldn’t be made to their bodies until they’re old enough to ask.
|
oh wow…yta, and in a huge way! let me count the ways:
1. putting your ideas of what is “pretty” for a newborn ahead of your husband’s opinion and concerns.
2. putting your mothers opinion in front of your husbands.
3. sneaking around behind his back to do this because you knew he would be mad. who does that?
4. acting completely shocked when he actually did get mad! (i’m literally rolling my eyes)
5. to add insult to injury, you then told him “i’m the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his”. are you kidding me?!?!
6. you are now sooooo confused as to why he isn’t talking to you and why his parents are mad, and you and your mother are calling him selfish, but you just can’t understand why he left.
i hope you enjoy being single. and possibly a single mom for that matter too. he may not come back after all that you did.
|
yta for doing it to an infant.
yta for doing it against your spouse’s wishes.
yta for doing it behind your spouse’s back.
yta for thinking it’s perfectly all right to present your spouse with a *fait accompli.*
yta for trying to shift all the blame to your co-conspirator.
yta for minimizing your spouse’s rights and opinions on the matter.
|
yta.
for me it's not normal to get babies pierced. where i live it's more common to do it when they actually want it themselves.
should a baby need piercing to be seen as pretty? that sentence made me feel sorry for your child. apparently her look is more important for you than her heath and husbands consent.
|
\[...\] treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that.
"my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree." \[...\] << you answered yourself...
&#x200b;
yta no doubt bout that. good luck to him.
|
yta -
putting aside the lack of respect for your husband for just a moment
did you know babies can't be pierced with a needle and have to be done with a gun. this is bad for so many reasons and can cause massive issues as the child grows older.
did you go to a reputable piercer or did you go to claire accessories or somewhere similar to that where they put someone untrained on a piercing gun?
have you wondered why a reputable piercer wouldnt pierce a child?
going back to the betrayal, you knew it was wrong so you did it anyway. something like mutilating your child's ears for no purpose except "it looks pretty" without the permission of the other parent is wrong. then you say "it was my mother's idea". if your mother told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?
you basically then told your partner that his opinion on how your daughter is raised and looked after doesn't matter unless he agrees with you. that is his child as much as it is yours.
as you said, this wasn't a cultural thing. it was a vanity thing. babies aren't fashion accessories. if both parents agree to have it done then that's on you both but anyone who has done research into piercings with piercing guns know its a bad idea.
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i didn't even have to read the post to think yta, and then i read the post and i'm kind of disgusted. not only is piercing a baby's ears extremely dangerous (because i know damn well you didn't actually go to a piercing shop, my guess is walmart or claire's) but to blatantly disrespect your husband, the father of your child and his *extremely* valid concerns and then call his anger an overreaction is actual bullshit.
my ears were pierced as a baby, at a walmart, and as soon as i could take them out i did because they were extremely uncomfortable due to me being a baby and not being able to leave the piercings alone.
yta on literally every level imaginable in this situation and i'm looking forward to the consequences of your actions within your marriage, and i really hope your child doesn't experience too much pain due to your selfish mistake.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day. thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that. he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done. aita? edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day. thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that. he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done. aita? edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea. [/INST] yta. i don't blame him for being angry. you were definitely "sneaky and untruthful" and then tried to blame your mom for it??? also, *i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.* what on earth makes you think this?????? i don't think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still ta. </s>
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AITA for responding to my father’s request for a relationship with a detailed PowerPoint on why he will never be forgiven?
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if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far.
my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years.
my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely.
my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could.
evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel.
maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?
| 23,900
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh2g3s/aita_for_responding_to_my_fathers_request_for_a/
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2022-12-09 17:00:46
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nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you.
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nta in the slightest. you told your dad how you felt and it made him have to confront his failures as a parent. it is not your fault he neglected you. he is upset because he knows what you put in the powerpoint is the reality of how he treated you when you were just a child. now that the truth is out and you have reestablished nc, i hope you are able to let go of some of the anger you have at him and know that you did nothing to cause how he treated you. i’m no contact with my dad and have been able to find a lot of peace in the life i have built without him. i hope for the same for you.
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nta he failed. he's gutted because he's had to look at the actual consequences of his actions- the paain he caused his child. yea that probably sucks, buy maybe he should have been a better dad.
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>evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel.
it was unnecessarily cruel of him to completely abandon/ignore you when your half-brother got sick. you already lost your mom, you would lose your brother, too, but he didn't think you needed any support or help?
**nta.**
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holy shit. nta but that was brutal. i pictured the "you failed" popping up at the end like when you die in dark souls.
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nta. was it harsh? yeah. was it a lot of effort when simply have telling him “go away” would have accomplished the basic goal? probably. but this was your lived reality, and he wasn’t interested in hearing or helping you when it would actually have made a difference. if it’s only now dawning on him how lonely and rejected you must have felt, he’s just going to have to live with that. (also, one does have to question whether he’d be this gutted or even reaching out at all if your brother were still here.)
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that was painfully harsh to read, but i still think nta. your father *did* fail you repeatedly, even before your brother got sick. he should never have married a woman who tried to push out the memory of your mom. and he should never have tolerated you being "forgotten about" as soon as your half-brother was born. your brother's illness and passing were a tragedy and your dad and stepmom could perhaps be forgiven for a "doing their best but fell short" type of parenting. but they clearly didn't even reach that level.
people will convince themselves of all kinds of delusions about why a close relationship went bad. you destroyed any such delusions your father had and spoke your truth. if he wants to have any hope of repairing his relationship with you, that can't happen until he honestly faces what he did to you. (i am not saying that to push you into repairing your relationship with him -- that's your call to make. just that *if* it were to happen, that would be an important element.) he could start by calling off the family members who are hassling you.
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nta at all. how dare your “family” expect you to sugar coat your feelings for your awful awful father. how. dare. they.
real family would apologize to you for letting you suffer in silence and not being there to help you, a child yourself, with the things you needed to grow up emotionally healthy. real family would ask how they can help you now. real family wouldn’t minimize the problems because they are inconvenient for their narrative. these people want to play happy family and pretend everything is not as bad as it is. this situation is exactly karma for your dad’s absolute failure as a father. he brought this on himself.
i am soooo angry for you. they don’t get to decide what is necessary and unnecessary for you. don’t you dare let them talk you out of what you feel because they don’t like how it makes them feel or look. your power point didn’t “work too well”, it worked. period. i’m proud of you for finally getting to say things in a way that got your point across. now go be awesome on your own. you don’t owe them a lift up after they let you down. and please don’t listen when they tell you to “be the bigger person”. it just means eat their abuse.
i think you need to face the reality that you have better coping mechanisms and understanding of what it means to be a functional adult than your father and family. they may be older, but they are not wiser.
you are adult and you get to decide what that means. you get to decide what works for you. i’m so sorry this was your childhood reality. i hope you continue to do your art therapy, and make up for your neglect with a great life. nta. at all.
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nta. you're the goat!!!
his and stepmother's behavior was extreme! having 1 sick child doesn't cause other children to cease to exist. demanding that you shrink yourself and neglect/belittle your wants/needs/experiences because you were healthy is beyond cruel and toxic.
you gave him 10 minutes to learn how you felt about his neglect and cruelty. he's had, what, a week or two of feeling the hopelessness and supposedly suffering. you've had at least 12-15 years of suffering???
that's what i would text back to every person who has criticized you: you suffered depression, neglect, and cruelty for 10-12 years. you're father hasn't suffered those things, he inflicted them. he's is experiencing the consequences of his actions, and it's only been 2 weeks. the fact is you did not make that powerpoint to cause pain, you made it to explain why you feel the way you do, and that you don't want anything to do with him, ever. then ask those people if they ever held him to account for him abdication of parental responsibility and insist he straighten up.
unless they confronted him during that time period he abandoned you, they don't have a duck in the hunt and need to bury their heads in the sand just as they did back then.
your mom sounds like she was amazing. your weekly collection of collages sounds awesome and i'd definitely buy a big glossy book from a person who showed them off and told the stories of that period of time. so, that means you're awesome. which is why you're the goat.
keep being rad.
btw, i finally went no contact with my narcissistic mother when i was 40.
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nta
this was a brilliant and direct approach your father is finally feeling what you felt all your life and he's simply too weak to handle it ...even his reaction is a selfish self centered one screaming me me me me.....
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita? [/INST] nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you. </s>
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AITA for moving out mid-lease and stranding my roommate with full rent after his girlfriend keeps accusing me of being “creepy”?
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so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either.
anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back.
well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate.
he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either.
things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer.
the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time.
long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
| 26,738
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifk8n6/aita_for_moving_out_midlease_and_stranding_my/
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2020-08-24 07:05:05
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nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap
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nta. if you leave there are still 2 people in the flat. why is the gf not paying rent?
besides that, these were ridiculous rules. if she can't get over her past trauma it's not your responsibility to cope with her to the point you can't offer coconut water. must be hard for her but she is ta.
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nta. he made the place super uncomfortable for you. is it weird that i want to hear more about this bizarre situation though?
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nta. you agreed to stay there before you started getting treated like a would be criminal in your own home. it’s ridiculous to expect you to live like that. if your roommates girlfriend can’t live with other people in her living space, she shouldn’t have moved in.
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nta
move out and don't look back.
if you are such a creep, they should be overjoyed to see you leaving anyway.
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nta your roommate's girlfriend sounds weird and incapable of normal human interaction. how do you live in the same house as someone without striking up an occasional conversation once in a while or running into each other in common areas? that would be very uncomfortable. it sounds like your roommate is enabling her weird behaviour instead of explaining to her that it's just not how human beings act in a society. get out of there.
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nta.
move out.
>however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
exactly. when you thought it would be ok. this is a bit much. obviously we don't know what trauma she's gone through, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with being treated like that at your own place. that's your home too. if you're not comfortable with how you're being treated - which, frankly, *noone* would be, then you need to leave.
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[deleted]
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nta. the place was your home just as much as it was theirs. from what you have said you seemed to have been nothing but nice and willing to put up with them.
i understand she went through traumatic experiences but if she’s going to act like this she needs to see a therapist before she moves in with anyone.
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nta. your room mate and his gf sound perfect for one another, who wants to play third wheel to those two asshats.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok. [/INST] nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap </s>
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AITA for expecting my adult daughter to pay back what she owes me?
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my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband.
until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her.
sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years.
the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family.
she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life.
over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k.
aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/silt4e/aita_for_expecting_my_adult_daughter_to_pay_back/
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2022-02-02 10:54:09
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yta you are a horrible father and i can see why your daughter left.
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yta. you want your daughter to pay you back for court-ordered child support. you’re the biggest ass.
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yta. everything you described her doing was normal teenage behavior that you massively overreacted to and then you wonder why she left to stay at mom's. and you are compiling a sheet of what your court ordered support amounts to for college expenses, etc?! no, she doesn't need to pay you back! that is your actual responsibility to support the child. and no, if she's in college, it doesn't just stop at 18. if it did, then you wouldn't still be paying it legally, now would you?
if you harass her for repayment, i hope this poor girl just walks away for good.
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yta. you suffocated her, not texting you during an international trip is not grounds for petty and vindictive punishments. (you have trouble making friends? i’m going to undercut those efforts.) you showed a complete lack of care for her feelings and it’s not surprising she wanted to live with her mother if that’s just once incident that you thought put *you* in a favourable light. i’m sure there’s many more of you emotionally manipulating your daughter.
and kids don’t incur a debt for being kids, you clearly weren’t paying your child support. aria owes you nothing, parents don’t say their kids owe them 18k in debt when that money is just expenses you *should* have as a parent.
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yta
>when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k.
your daughter is not an investment, you failure of a father.
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yta - why do people insist on having children if they're just going to act like this? your daughter went on a school trip out of the country. it very well could be a once in a lifetime experience for her. she was enjoying herself! who cares if she wasn't glued to her phone texting you constantly?
you want her to pay you back for what? so what if it's court ordered child support? were you under the impression that if you had a child you'd never have to put out a dime to support that child or that they'd pay you back for the years of support once they reached adulthood? children do not ask to be brought into this world and owe parents absolutely nothing - especially one's who act like you.
you're trying to figure out how to tell her siblings that she doesn't love them? what an absolute low.
i don't blame her at all for walking out of your life and wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to come back again.
do better.
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yta.
first:
your daughter was 15, and you've decided to blame her for a decision teenage brain her made.
second:
you're required to pay that money by law. if the tables were turned - that is, aria at yours and not sandra's - would you have been okay with sandra paying nothing and you paying everything? doubt it.
but, and here's the important part:
> she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days
she was gone for under a week, and sent you a bunch of texts to let you know she was alive and well. she was on holiday with friends and classmates.
i'm sorry, how much did you expect her to contact you exactly?
my parents, when i go on vacation alone, always ask me to call them daily, and have since i was a minor. and i, every time i go on holiday w/o them, forget to do so. so, they either call me or wait for my call. they get a bit upset when i'm on the phone with them, but never have they held it against me for forgetting to call daily!
did you even try to call her, or wait for her to text you? did you initiate the texting at all?
> she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money
you're doing an amazing job of proving all you care about is the money.
personally, i has a suspicion the issue w/ her living with you wasn't that her mother was less strict, it's that you were very controlling
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yta, you have a pattern of pushing your daughter away and blaming a child.
you essentially isolated her from her friends when she stayed at your house; cuz god forbid if you have to drive her places- like a parent would; you are the one that live out of town, the central place for hanging out. if you can get her to school you can get her there for social events.
your daughter did what any child would have done at her age, she went away for 5 days (not long at all) and didn't text you enough (she was enjoying her holiday excuse her). you chose to over react and over punish her/ push her away. rather then communicate and set expectations for next time/ explain you felt hurt.
after your child did nothing wrong, you chose to be incredibly harsh with her and prevent her from going to an event she clearly looked forward to because what? you are jealous that she had friends she wanted to hang out with.
the courts have mandated child support/ payments yta if you track them and expect her to pay them back- how can you say you love your child when you are setting her up to start her adult life 18k in debt.
every single action you have described is controlling and manipulative; if you are lucky she may want to try and repair the relationship when she is older but if you ask her to 'pay you back' then you are stopping that from happening.
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wow yta. wow. you clearly have no ability to see this from your daughter’s perspective at all. do you seriously think she went no contact with you *for years* just because it was more fun and free-wheeling at her mother’s?
an adult can “abandon” their family, a child cannot. a child leaves because their home life is intolerable.
your daughter does not owe you any debt- she did not sign any contract with you for a loan. you are either willing to support her as a parent or you are not, but she is not forcing you to do anything.
you should be thanking your lucky stars she even wants to talk to you again, not trying to manipulate her with this “debt”.
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i am a family law attorney and let me just say yikes. yta. an incredible asshole, even.
i literally gasped several times reading this. you come off as incredibly self-centered here, and i have a feeling that you came off this way in court papers too.
first of all, when parents are divorced they often have different house rules, and while it can set the stricter parent up for difficulties, it’s the reality of being a divorced family. i get not wanting to drive her to her friends 25+ minutes away, but you can just say no. making it a tit-for-tat like they have to do it the next time made it difficult for your daughter to sustain the (admittedly few by your account) friendships that supported her through the divorce. it put social pressure on her she absolutely did not need, and obviously made living with you less attractive.
not getting texts from her on the trip is two things: 1) she was a teenager having fun with her friends in a foreign country (supervised, i assume, and possibly for the first time, at least without parents) and she’s not going to think to call you every day, and 2) if you had a better relationship with her in the first place, maybe you would have gotten messages from her. grounding her for that was petty.
when she went to live with her mom, to tell your other daughter it was because she didn’t love you anymore was not only childish and petulant, but terrible parenting for both of your daughters and incredibly selfish. how is it helpful to tell your other daughter her sister doesn’t love her? you were being selfish and taking your anger out on your younger daughter and that’s awful.
and finally, from what i can tell you are totaling up child support and college and calling it a “debt” your daughter has to repay. that is disgusting. any judge would trash you for that. child support and college expenses are your legal obligation as a parent. it is not debt that either your ex-wife or child have to pay you back. it’s literally the law that you pay for these things. rant about how unfair child support is as much as you like, but you’re not immune from the law just because you don’t like it. if it was higher because she went to live with your ex-wife, it’s because you drove your daughter away. that’s on you.
you’ve come off here as vile and incredibly self-centered. you’ve made everything about you and your daughter doesn’t have to put up with it anymore. you would be a nightmare client because you’ve somehow managed to convince yourself that you’re the aggrieved party here. you’re never going to see a dime of that “debt” and you’re never going to see your daughter again, which, honestly, good for her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband. until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her. sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years. the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family. she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life. over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband. until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her. sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years. the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family. she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life. over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita? [/INST] yta you are a horrible father and i can see why your daughter left. </s>
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AITA for suggesting my wife to abort our child?
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for context, i’ve (m27) has always made it clear that i’m childfree. my wife (f25) knows it prior to our marriage and is okay with it. the thing is, while we were dating, she has always been giving me the feeling she is on the fence although she tells me she isn’t and that she is child free like me. as such, i just brushed my intuition off.
a year into our marriage, she got tested positive for pregnancy. thinking she’ll be on the same boat as me to get the child aborted since she proclaimed she’s childfree, i was in for a big surprise. she claimed that she was actually on the fence and not exactly childfree. she also mentioned how the baby is a gift from god and we shouldn’t defy god’s plans by aborting a child that was planned for us.
realistically speaking, we are not capable of raising a child. although we earn a lot, we spend a lot on luxury items. we live comfortably and i know we will not give those up for the sake of a child. i also know that she wants a child because she wants those ‘kodak moments’ and not because she really wants a child. she will never wake up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby and ultimately, i will be the one doing all the work.
i was told by my in laws i’m an asshole for even harbouring such a thought. am i really?
edit 1: people asking me why i haven’t gotten a vasectomy : from where i’m from, i am legally not allowed to get a vasectomy until i’m 30 years old because of the low birth rate in my country. hope that clears up!
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hc6m8k/aita_for_suggesting_my_wife_to_abort_our_child/
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2020-06-19 19:02:42
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nah (depending)
did she betray your trust by not using birth control that she said she would use? did you decide to leave it up to her and not use a condom?
if she broke your trust then she is definitely the asshole, but if you didn’t use protection then you were the asshole to yourself.
in either case there will be a baby. she wants to keep it. you are therefore responsible for that child. of course, you can file for divorce but you’re still responsible. do you want to continue the relationship? do you want to end it?
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you can't possibly think this is a situation that's as simple as someone being right and someone being wrong
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info why are you posting on aita instead of discussing this with your wife? this is a big issue. if you can’t see eye-to-eye on raising a child than you might need to get a divorce.
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wait, so you can't get a vasectomy where you are but you can get an abortion safely?
esh or nah. i'm not really sure which. you had an agreement with your wife about kids. but people change their minds about kids all the time, *i*t doesn't make *anyone ta;* only less she was really lying all the way through. i don't think you can demand she abort, it really is her body after all. it's a horribly sad situation, i worry that your marriage just can't survive this. i am sorry friend, this is rough.
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info: did you actually have a discussion of what would happen if she did become pregnant? did you just assume she would abort if she got pregnant? was she on birth control or were you both using protection? it seems like you didnt have any real discussions about this and the discussion ended at, yeah, i'm child free.
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nah. sounds like you guys weren't careful enough, and pregnancy is a natural occurrence from sex. it's neither of your faults, and you're allowed to have different opinions. it's a complicated situation. good luck to you both!
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you guys are due for a serious make it or break it talk.
you might be an a-h for thinking she would never wake up to tend her crying child though. that's cold.
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info: did you ever talk about abortion with your wife before she was pregnant? being child free and willing to get an abortion are not the exact same.
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nah
you're allowed to make the suggestion. she is, of course, allowed to refuse, but you're absolutely within your rights to make your preference clear.
to all the yta guys, he's not asking if he should pressure her into it or insist or demand or anything else. that would be a different story. stating plainly, honestly and respectfully that he would prefer to get an abortion is not an ah move.
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nta and honestly if you truly don't want a child, leave if she decides to keep it. you made your intentions known from the start, and you thought you were on the same page, and now you are not. and like you said you are going to get stuck doing everything and you will be absolutely miserable.
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NAH
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INFO
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ESH
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.24357
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context, i’ve (m27) has always made it clear that i’m childfree. my wife (f25) knows it prior to our marriage and is okay with it. the thing is, while we were dating, she has always been giving me the feeling she is on the fence although she tells me she isn’t and that she is child free like me. as such, i just brushed my intuition off. a year into our marriage, she got tested positive for pregnancy. thinking she’ll be on the same boat as me to get the child aborted since she proclaimed she’s childfree, i was in for a big surprise. she claimed that she was actually on the fence and not exactly childfree. she also mentioned how the baby is a gift from god and we shouldn’t defy god’s plans by aborting a child that was planned for us. realistically speaking, we are not capable of raising a child. although we earn a lot, we spend a lot on luxury items. we live comfortably and i know we will not give those up for the sake of a child. i also know that she wants a child because she wants those ‘kodak moments’ and not because she really wants a child. she will never wake up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby and ultimately, i will be the one doing all the work. i was told by my in laws i’m an asshole for even harbouring such a thought. am i really? edit 1: people asking me why i haven’t gotten a vasectomy : from where i’m from, i am legally not allowed to get a vasectomy until i’m 30 years old because of the low birth rate in my country. hope that clears up!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context, i’ve (m27) has always made it clear that i’m childfree. my wife (f25) knows it prior to our marriage and is okay with it. the thing is, while we were dating, she has always been giving me the feeling she is on the fence although she tells me she isn’t and that she is child free like me. as such, i just brushed my intuition off. a year into our marriage, she got tested positive for pregnancy. thinking she’ll be on the same boat as me to get the child aborted since she proclaimed she’s childfree, i was in for a big surprise. she claimed that she was actually on the fence and not exactly childfree. she also mentioned how the baby is a gift from god and we shouldn’t defy god’s plans by aborting a child that was planned for us. realistically speaking, we are not capable of raising a child. although we earn a lot, we spend a lot on luxury items. we live comfortably and i know we will not give those up for the sake of a child. i also know that she wants a child because she wants those ‘kodak moments’ and not because she really wants a child. she will never wake up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby and ultimately, i will be the one doing all the work. i was told by my in laws i’m an asshole for even harbouring such a thought. am i really? edit 1: people asking me why i haven’t gotten a vasectomy : from where i’m from, i am legally not allowed to get a vasectomy until i’m 30 years old because of the low birth rate in my country. hope that clears up! [/INST] nah (depending) did she betray your trust by not using birth control that she said she would use? did you decide to leave it up to her and not use a condom? if she broke your trust then she is definitely the asshole, but if you didn’t use protection then you were the asshole to yourself. in either case there will be a baby. she wants to keep it. you are therefore responsible for that child. of course, you can file for divorce but you’re still responsible. do you want to continue the relationship? do you want to end it? </s>
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AITA for snapping at my friend who keeps ditching me because I now have a child?
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just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara.
over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara.
i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does.
she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place.
she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around.
honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair.
today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house.
when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me.
when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around.
she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear).
i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off.
this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage.
i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out.
normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.
| 19,388
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zk8ys9/aita_for_snapping_at_my_friend_who_keeps_ditching/
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2022-12-12 19:35:56
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yta. she didn't ditch you. she asked you to go out with her friends as she'd made plans. she's not drinking like she's 20, she's drinking like someone who doesn't have a child.
ps, she's right. your partner can look after your daughter once in a while. and should do, to try and bond with her.
|
yta.
you’re always expecting her to accommodate you because you have a child. she’s been coming over to your house for over a year because she understands your life has changed.
you’re putting in very little effort and assuming that it’s on her to maintain the friendship and compromise - why? because you’re a mom?
she didn’t ditch you - you’ve been a shitty friend for a while and she’s probably done with you.
|
info: why *can’t* tom take care of ciara once in a while so you can have time off?
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yta she didn't ditch you on saturday. she invited you to come with her and her other friends, meaning she had already committed to going out with other people. if she had come to yours for drinks, she would've been ditching her other friends.
|
yta,
also the "not to meddle in your marriage" what are you on? he's a parent who can, ya know parent. it is not healthy to never socialise without your child, it's good for both of you.
*edit typo
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yta. when you have a child, they are the most important person to you. but, that doesn’t mean that they are the most important person to everyone else. your a sahm, that’s your choice, and it sounds like mia has tried really hard to be accommodating, but for christ sakes, it’s been two years of her doing things your way. she didn’t ghost you or be rude, she suggested having your husband, the father, watch your child so you can hang out and you yell at her an accuse her of meddling in your marriage? girl, there’s a lot of issues in your marriage in that statement alone that your not posting on here. don’t blame her for finally having enough and calling you an asshole cause you are acting like one. don’t expect her to apologize cause you don’t deserve one. you want to keep this friendship, you talk to a therapist cause you’ve got some issues, and when you are mature enough to have an adult conversation, call mia and apologize.
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yta. you refuse to do anything outside the home. she asks you constantly. you're evidently working on being a helicopter mom. at some point you need to leave the home and do something without your child. it's better for both of you.
and you ditched her. not the other way around.
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yta. she’s trying to stay engaged in your life, but you only want it 100% on your terms. she’s not wrong for wanting to go out and have adult evenings out. hire a sitter or ask your husband to take over for the night and join her. you were rude and out of line with her.
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you've made your entire friendship with mia be about your kid and completely failed to acknowledge her pov or emotional needs. this is on you for neglecting the friendship, which requires time without a toddler around.
yta
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yes yta!
your friend is not obligated to be around kids just because you had a child. it's not like she ignored you. she invited you out multiple times. your entitlement that she should always hang out at your house around your kid is wrong.
also, yes, she can go out and drink like she's in her 20s again. maybe you should try that sometime too, instead of insisting to drink around a small child which majority of the people are not comfortable with.
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara. over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara. i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does. she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place. she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around. honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair. today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house. when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me. when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around. she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear). i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off. this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage. i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out. normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara. over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara. i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does. she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place. she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around. honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair. today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house. when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me. when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around. she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear). i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off. this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage. i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out. normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it. [/INST] yta. she didn't ditch you. she asked you to go out with her friends as she'd made plans. she's not drinking like she's 20, she's drinking like someone who doesn't have a child. ps, she's right. your partner can look after your daughter once in a while. and should do, to try and bond with her. </s>
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AITA for ruining my wife’s birthday trip by insisting either our son comes or no one goes?
|
long story but i’ll keep this brief.
my wife’s birthday was 2 weekends ago. we had planned to go on a long camping trip (6 days) and everything was all set and paid for.
roughly 3 days before departing, my wife got into another huge fight with our 12 yo son. they’ve been getting into small arguments and butting heads more and more but nothing like this. apparently he was playing minecraft on her laptop and downloaded something that crashed the computer. nothing too terrible but my wife was worried her computer was permanently broken.
so there was a pretty easy solution to everything: go to a repair shop. but like always it devolved into a massive fight between them because our son was adamant he didn’t do anything wrong and my wife was adamant he did.
it eventually got so bad my wife threatened to send him to stay with our neighbor by himself while we went on our trip if he doesn’t confess. he says fine leave without me. so my wife made up her mind to actually leave him with the neighbor for 6 days while we go on our trip.
i tried to mediate but it’s the night before and my wife is still set on dropping him off at the neighbor’s. he’s also upset and has packed his stuff in preparation. at this point i basically put my foot down and said there’s no way in hell we’re actually doing this. this is insane, we’re a family, and if we can’t go together we shouldn’t go at all.
long story and lots of drama short, the trip was cancelled. my wife refused to let our son come along and i refused to leave him behind. as a result she’s accused me of ruining the one week this year that she’s been excited for. i don’t know if i did the right thing in the end.
**
| 2,956
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/idbhkz/aita_for_ruining_my_wifes_birthday_trip_by/
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2020-08-20 14:39:50
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esh. "going to a repair shop" may be an "easy solution" to the problem of the broken computer, but it doesn't resolve the issue of your son downloading something he shouldn't have and [
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gonna have to give this an esh, unfortunately.
you're ta for undermining your wife's parenting. kids pick up on discourse between parents and will *absolutely* use that against them.
you wife is ta for escalating a situation and making a threat of punishment that she didn't clear with you first. you *both* have to be on the same page when it comes to punishments and how to enact them.
your son is ta because he crashed the computer, possibly even damaged it. most kids will deny that they caused damage because they fear the consequences. it isn't like this 100% of the time, but until you take the computer in to be analyze, you can't know for certain that he *didn't* damage it.
your wife does have every right to be upset that your son downloaded something that may have caused it to crash. taking it to the repair shop is definitely the best choice but at some point you're going to have to stop "mediating" and start presenting as a united front with your wife. the two of you need to get together and figure out the details of how to handle the situation *away* from your son before either of you (especially her) start threatening punishments.
also, this trip *was* meant to be a gift to your wife for her birthday. the fact that you cancelled it entirely means that you're siding with your son over your partner. i'm not going to get into the 'right' and 'wrong' of that but at this point your son now knows that the two of you are *not* united and will take that information moving forward.
**eta**
go away for one day and this whole thing blows up. let me clarify one thing. presenting as a united front does *not* mean that you agree 100% with each other. what it *actually* means is for the parents to remove themselves from the situation, discuss the best course of action *away* from the child and then come to a compromise on what should happen. i didn't say that the mom was blameless. she shouldn't have been making threats without first discussing it with op. that being said, the boy had clearly caused the issue *this time*. frankly speaking, it could've been a prime opportunity for the family to have a teachable moment about how to handle computers in a delicate manner. especially when the machines are old and on the fritz like this. honestly op, it probably *would* be best for you to simply get a new one. plus you could also buy parts and help your son learn how to build one from the ground up so he can have a better appreciation for the machine itself. however that's just one suggestion. either way, i still stand by my esh judgment. the mom sucked for blowing this out and threatening to leave the child with the neighbor. there is no excuse for that. period. the child sucked for refusing to acknowledge that his download *did* cause the crash on this *one instance*. that's a lack of accountability that he needs to learn how to handle in the future rather than picking a fight with his mother and blowing this up. op sucked for just cancelling the trip rather than letting the wife go on her own so that she could get some time away from the son and for things to cool down.
regardless *all* of the family needs therapy at this point. op, there's much you guys as a family aren't addressing; namely the resentment that's built up between your wife and son. *that* has to be addressed ***yesterday***.
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[deleted]
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nta - i’d say no, he is a 12 year old child and she’s a grown up. instead of flipping out about the laptop, she could have explained that random downloads for minecraft aren’t always safe.
and blaming you for ruining the week isn’t fair, if anything she ruined it herself for acting like a brat.
no disrespect intended
|
nta
i've seen your responses about the fact this laptop crashes anyway whoever uses it and has done for a while. and kind of started after your wife split orange juice on it a while ago.
so i don't think your son is in the wrong. unless you've specifically said, don't download anything as it's on its last legs and it might push it over the edge..
your wife seems to be fully blaming this on your son. so she's ta for trying to blame your son for breaking the computer when it's been breaking for a while now.
i think leaving a 12 year old for a week with a neighbour during a pandemic is irresponsible. so i think you did the right thing. even if it's wasn't the current situation i think what you did is the right choice. he shouldn't have to admit to something he didn't do, and your wife is massively over reacting to this.
does she regularly over react to things? do they always seem to be about your son and his actions? do you maybe need to bring this up with her?
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esh. i find it odd that you are completely letting your son off the hook...he did do something wrong and should be apologetic. your wife may be overreacting, but if you take your son’s side during every argument it might all be building up for her. honestly, a week apart might be exactly what they need.
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why is everyone in this comment section hounding a 12 year old for downloading games on an already broken laptop? he should say sorry and his mother should forgive him. it was already on it’s way out, now you have an excuse to buy a shiny new one. op, i think you should buy your wife a new laptop as a makeup gift. wrong or not, her birthday did kinda go down the drain.
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you need r/relationship_advice. this is some weird behavior from your wife.
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esh. your wife most of all - she is an adult and should be able to come up with an appropriate punishment, such as no longer being allowed to play on her laptop. banning him from a family vacation (and inconveniencing the neighbors for a fucking week) is not appropriate for this "crime" in any way. you are a tiny bit of an asshole for letting it get this far - it should have been dealt with the day it happened, not at the very last minute.
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nta. this is an absurd consequence especially when your wife is trying to force a 12 year old to "take responsibility" for a stressful situation that he did not cause overall. thank you for not enabling her bad parenting and letting your son know he can trust you
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
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NTA
| 0.545369
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story but i’ll keep this brief. my wife’s birthday was 2 weekends ago. we had planned to go on a long camping trip (6 days) and everything was all set and paid for. roughly 3 days before departing, my wife got into another huge fight with our 12 yo son. they’ve been getting into small arguments and butting heads more and more but nothing like this. apparently he was playing minecraft on her laptop and downloaded something that crashed the computer. nothing too terrible but my wife was worried her computer was permanently broken. so there was a pretty easy solution to everything: go to a repair shop. but like always it devolved into a massive fight between them because our son was adamant he didn’t do anything wrong and my wife was adamant he did. it eventually got so bad my wife threatened to send him to stay with our neighbor by himself while we went on our trip if he doesn’t confess. he says fine leave without me. so my wife made up her mind to actually leave him with the neighbor for 6 days while we go on our trip. i tried to mediate but it’s the night before and my wife is still set on dropping him off at the neighbor’s. he’s also upset and has packed his stuff in preparation. at this point i basically put my foot down and said there’s no way in hell we’re actually doing this. this is insane, we’re a family, and if we can’t go together we shouldn’t go at all. long story and lots of drama short, the trip was cancelled. my wife refused to let our son come along and i refused to leave him behind. as a result she’s accused me of ruining the one week this year that she’s been excited for. i don’t know if i did the right thing in the end. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
long story but i’ll keep this brief. my wife’s birthday was 2 weekends ago. we had planned to go on a long camping trip (6 days) and everything was all set and paid for. roughly 3 days before departing, my wife got into another huge fight with our 12 yo son. they’ve been getting into small arguments and butting heads more and more but nothing like this. apparently he was playing minecraft on her laptop and downloaded something that crashed the computer. nothing too terrible but my wife was worried her computer was permanently broken. so there was a pretty easy solution to everything: go to a repair shop. but like always it devolved into a massive fight between them because our son was adamant he didn’t do anything wrong and my wife was adamant he did. it eventually got so bad my wife threatened to send him to stay with our neighbor by himself while we went on our trip if he doesn’t confess. he says fine leave without me. so my wife made up her mind to actually leave him with the neighbor for 6 days while we go on our trip. i tried to mediate but it’s the night before and my wife is still set on dropping him off at the neighbor’s. he’s also upset and has packed his stuff in preparation. at this point i basically put my foot down and said there’s no way in hell we’re actually doing this. this is insane, we’re a family, and if we can’t go together we shouldn’t go at all. long story and lots of drama short, the trip was cancelled. my wife refused to let our son come along and i refused to leave him behind. as a result she’s accused me of ruining the one week this year that she’s been excited for. i don’t know if i did the right thing in the end. ** [/INST] esh. "going to a repair shop" may be an "easy solution" to the problem of the broken computer, but it doesn't resolve the issue of your son downloading something he shouldn't have and [ </s>
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AITA For not shaving my mustache for my sister's wedding?
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keep it short and sweet here.
my sister and her fiancé got home today for their wedding on saturday.
we were all sitting around after they got in and she says, "so you're going to shave your mustache for the wedding, right?"
i quickly responded that i was not going to and the whole family kinda looked at me like i was the asshole and my sister said something about us already having talked about this (?). i play music in a band and the facial hair is a bit of a part of that persona. plus, why is it her business what i'm wearing on my face anyway?
so reddit - aita for not shaving my mustache?
ps: if this post picks up any steam, my (soon to be) brother in law is a redditor and would probably see this. maybe you can help solve this family quarrel?
| 575
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c027en/aita_for_not_shaving_my_mustache_for_my_sisters/
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2019-06-13 06:12:59
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info
what kind of mustache are we talking about? if you're rocking a hitler stache, i'm going to side with your sister. also, if it's something you can grow back in 2 weeks, that tilts towards shaving it.
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nta
unless your mustache is ridiculous.
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nta
who tf does your sister thinks she is deciding over what other people grow on their face.
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nta
why do people think getting married allows them to control other people's lives?
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info is your moustache obnoxious? do you think look better with or without it? how long have you had it? we might need to see a pic of this moustache to really say.
yes it's your face and you can look however you want but also weddings are once in a lifetime. what's more important to you, your moustache or your relationship with your sister? also its hair and it will grow back... also if your band is actually good, you shouldn't need a moustache for your "persona".
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nta i don’t know why you can’t look like your normal self for your sister’s wedding.
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info:
we need a pic of this musty
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nta, unless you really have talked about it before
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info: are you in the wedding party? i ask only because that's a role where the bridge and groom might have a more vested interest in how you specifically look on their day.
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nta
she has no business telling you whether to have facial hair or not.
brother in law, leave mustache guy alone! his mustache rocks!!
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.078384
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: keep it short and sweet here. my sister and her fiancé got home today for their wedding on saturday. we were all sitting around after they got in and she says, "so you're going to shave your mustache for the wedding, right?" i quickly responded that i was not going to and the whole family kinda looked at me like i was the asshole and my sister said something about us already having talked about this (?). i play music in a band and the facial hair is a bit of a part of that persona. plus, why is it her business what i'm wearing on my face anyway? so reddit - aita for not shaving my mustache? ps: if this post picks up any steam, my (soon to be) brother in law is a redditor and would probably see this. maybe you can help solve this family quarrel?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
keep it short and sweet here. my sister and her fiancé got home today for their wedding on saturday. we were all sitting around after they got in and she says, "so you're going to shave your mustache for the wedding, right?" i quickly responded that i was not going to and the whole family kinda looked at me like i was the asshole and my sister said something about us already having talked about this (?). i play music in a band and the facial hair is a bit of a part of that persona. plus, why is it her business what i'm wearing on my face anyway? so reddit - aita for not shaving my mustache? ps: if this post picks up any steam, my (soon to be) brother in law is a redditor and would probably see this. maybe you can help solve this family quarrel? [/INST] info what kind of mustache are we talking about? if you're rocking a hitler stache, i'm going to side with your sister. also, if it's something you can grow back in 2 weeks, that tilts towards shaving it. </s>
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AITA for sharing my son's teacher's Instagram account with the other parents?
|
my son is 4 and this is his first year in pre-school. his teacher is called mary and she's roughly in her early 30's, if that matters. we first met her on monday when dropping him off and i didn't get the best vibes from her, so i looked her up on social media.
she posts provocative photos and is very active politically, going to marches and events and stuff like that. the vibes were already far from immaculate, but what i saw made me dislike her even more. i talked it over with my wife and we decided to ask some of the other parents what they thought of her.
we reached out to them and created a whatsapp group where we started talking and i shared her account there. it wasn't well received from most parents either, mostly because of the provocative photos.
nothing happened for a couple of days, but a fellow parent kept tracking her account and she saw she had uploaded a selfie with 3 of her students on thursday. the parents were furious about that and they went to the district supervisor first thing friday morning. since i was the once who started the group, he called me to confirm and hear my side of the story, and he asked me if i could come to his office in the evening.
i did. she was there along with a few other parents and we all started talking and trying to explain the issue. voices were raised and, at one point, she started accusing me of stalking her and then sharing her account to perv on her with the other dads.
i was like, lady, i was just trying to see what kind of person is going to be teaching my son, but she wasn't having any of it and kept arguing. things escalated even more and the other parents demanded that she be removed from the class. i didn't outright concur or join with them, but i didn't object either.
the supervisor ordered her to take down the photos, along with any she had uploaded from her previous students, but he didn't reach a conclusion. rumor has it he's considering placing her in another school because the year just started, but we'll find out on monday, i suppose.
anyway, was i the asshole here? should i have just kept my worries to myself?
_______________________
| 4,236
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgucdx/aita_for_sharing_my_sons_teachers_instagram/
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2022-09-17 18:46:45
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esh
her for posting pics of the kids
you for being all judgy about her personal life.
|
yta. you used 2 key words, provocative and political, having been on the internet long enough these words are used to undermine women that lean left. we know.
i *bet* you would be totally ok with an unlicensed student teacher, with no degree, from a christian college teaching your kid.
you stalked this woman's social media, shared it, group stalked and may end up costing her her job because she has pictures of her self in a well fit dress and thinks she should have control over her uterus.
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[removed]
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as someone who wants to be a teacher, i'm not even one yet and parents like you are already the bane of my existence. teachers being people?! the shame! the horror! the scandal! you and all your parent friends should find hobbies. start a book club or something instead of fixating on what a teacher does in her off time.
~~hard yta.~~
|
yta big time
she's a human being. she's allowed to have a life outside of her job. now, if y'all don't want her to post pictures of your kids, that's fine, but demanding she take anything else down or not be sexual outside of work is ridiculous. she's not exposing your 4 yo kids to anything by having social media
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esh - the teacher was definitely in the wrong for posting photos of students on their private instagram without your consent and she should definitely remove the images and not post students again in the future.
however why did you feel the need to bash her for posting on her own instagram? who cares if she's into politics or posts a revealing photo on their social media it doesn't change how good or a bad a teacher they are. it's her private instagram she can post herself however she wants.
only thing the teacher did wrong was post photos of students without consent
|
yta
i'm pretty sure that i know who you voted for in 2020. leave the woman along. her private life is none of your business. this is harassment.
|
of course yta.
jesus, where do you live that you have to ask?? and how do you not see that you're a creepy old perv?
she deserves a life outside school. you don't get to control her. teachers are paid a pittance and if your son is only four, she won't even be making enough to live on. she'll be living with her parents or a partner. she is not in the job for the money and is not paid enough that anyone has the right to control her out-of-work life.
i sincerely hope she reports you to the police. better hope you haven't managed to destroy her livelihood and get her fired because she'll have nothing to lose as far as going after you at that point.
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info - what do her non-work activities have to do with her performance as your son's teacher?
what specific actions has she done that have put your child's education at risk enough that she should lose her job?
|
yta.
>she posts provocative photos and is very active politically, going to
marches and events and stuff like that. the vibes were already far from
immaculate, but what i saw made me dislike her even more.
it seems you're also part of what's wrong with the world lately.
|
ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| 0.016912
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son is 4 and this is his first year in pre-school. his teacher is called mary and she's roughly in her early 30's, if that matters. we first met her on monday when dropping him off and i didn't get the best vibes from her, so i looked her up on social media. she posts provocative photos and is very active politically, going to marches and events and stuff like that. the vibes were already far from immaculate, but what i saw made me dislike her even more. i talked it over with my wife and we decided to ask some of the other parents what they thought of her. we reached out to them and created a whatsapp group where we started talking and i shared her account there. it wasn't well received from most parents either, mostly because of the provocative photos. nothing happened for a couple of days, but a fellow parent kept tracking her account and she saw she had uploaded a selfie with 3 of her students on thursday. the parents were furious about that and they went to the district supervisor first thing friday morning. since i was the once who started the group, he called me to confirm and hear my side of the story, and he asked me if i could come to his office in the evening. i did. she was there along with a few other parents and we all started talking and trying to explain the issue. voices were raised and, at one point, she started accusing me of stalking her and then sharing her account to perv on her with the other dads. i was like, lady, i was just trying to see what kind of person is going to be teaching my son, but she wasn't having any of it and kept arguing. things escalated even more and the other parents demanded that she be removed from the class. i didn't outright concur or join with them, but i didn't object either. the supervisor ordered her to take down the photos, along with any she had uploaded from her previous students, but he didn't reach a conclusion. rumor has it he's considering placing her in another school because the year just started, but we'll find out on monday, i suppose. anyway, was i the asshole here? should i have just kept my worries to myself? _______________________
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son is 4 and this is his first year in pre-school. his teacher is called mary and she's roughly in her early 30's, if that matters. we first met her on monday when dropping him off and i didn't get the best vibes from her, so i looked her up on social media. she posts provocative photos and is very active politically, going to marches and events and stuff like that. the vibes were already far from immaculate, but what i saw made me dislike her even more. i talked it over with my wife and we decided to ask some of the other parents what they thought of her. we reached out to them and created a whatsapp group where we started talking and i shared her account there. it wasn't well received from most parents either, mostly because of the provocative photos. nothing happened for a couple of days, but a fellow parent kept tracking her account and she saw she had uploaded a selfie with 3 of her students on thursday. the parents were furious about that and they went to the district supervisor first thing friday morning. since i was the once who started the group, he called me to confirm and hear my side of the story, and he asked me if i could come to his office in the evening. i did. she was there along with a few other parents and we all started talking and trying to explain the issue. voices were raised and, at one point, she started accusing me of stalking her and then sharing her account to perv on her with the other dads. i was like, lady, i was just trying to see what kind of person is going to be teaching my son, but she wasn't having any of it and kept arguing. things escalated even more and the other parents demanded that she be removed from the class. i didn't outright concur or join with them, but i didn't object either. the supervisor ordered her to take down the photos, along with any she had uploaded from her previous students, but he didn't reach a conclusion. rumor has it he's considering placing her in another school because the year just started, but we'll find out on monday, i suppose. anyway, was i the asshole here? should i have just kept my worries to myself? _______________________ [/INST] esh her for posting pics of the kids you for being all judgy about her personal life. </s>
|
AITA for telling a nurse I could smell her before I saw her
|
i just gave birth and while at the hospital nurses and staff are coming by every couple hours to check on you and baby, plus baby wakes up, so you’re not really getting a lot of sleep. most of my nurses were great, except one who had the night shift. i don’t know if it was perfume or scented lotion but every time she came in she’d leave her perfumey smell lingering in the room. she came in once and i could tell it was her before she even moved the curtain to step into the room. she announced herself, “hi, it’s anna, just bringing your meds.” i said, “i know, i could smell you before i even saw you.” awkwardness ensued, she said she wasn’t wearing perfume because they’re not allowed, it’s lotion, nobody else has said anything.. she gave me my medication and left. shortly after that a new nurse came in and asked how everything was going, and i complained about anna’s perfume. this nurse was the charge nurse, i believe she’s anna’s boss. she listened, thanked me, and left. i didn’t see anna after that but a new nurse instead.
i feel bad and like i was unnecessarily rude. on the one hand, if your lotion is so strong that it lingers long after you leave then maybe don’t wear it around patients who just gave birth and are super sensitive to smells. on the other hand, nobody else complained, and i could have just politely said, “hey, your lotion or perfume is kind of strong and i’m still nauseated from all the medication.” then after she left i complained to the charge nurse which probably wasn’t necessary. i was tired and cranky and sore.. i keep thinking about it and cringing. so how much of an asshole was i?
| 1,849
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cbzddg/aita_for_telling_a_nurse_i_could_smell_her_before/
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2019-07-11 18:35:27
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nah. i’m a nurse and i can tell you for sure the nurse didn’t get in trouble. the charge nurse knows how to shift their staff to make everyone happy.
you and anna didn’t click and that’s ok. i hope you had a better experience after the charge nurse changed her assignment.
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nta.
>"i know, i could smell you before i even saw you.”
that comment was a little snarky, but not completely uncalled for. nurses aren't supposed to wear fragrance because it can trigger nausea or allergies.
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yta - i get how tired, worn out, and strung out you are right now. i've been there. but "i know, i could smell you before i even saw you" is rude. it would have cost you nothing at all to just say instead, "hey anna. i seem to be really ensitive to the scent you're wearing. is there any way i could switch nurses?"
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nah. she's right that it's not allowed, so if it was that much of an issue someone else probably would have noticed and said something long before you did. that said, if it was strong enough to bother your nose, then that's valid and it's best for someone else to step in.
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yta: it's obvious the nurse didn't realize it had such a strong smell, and nobody (including her superiors apparently) mentioned anything to her, so how was she supposed to know? you absolutely could have said it more kindly. being tired isn't an excuse to being a dick.
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nta have any other commenters smelled scented lotions before? if its strong enough that you can smell it before she walked in the room, it obviously is too strong and circumvents the reason the no perfume rule exists in the first place.
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yta. there are a million other ways you could have handled this. simply telling the woman that you were sensitive to the perfume/lotion she was wearing, and could she please send someone else in, is the first thing that popped into my mind. you went straight for the insult. bold move.
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yta - it was lotion. if you told her the smell bothered you she would have washed her hands (which i bet she probably did anyway). you were passive aggressive and then complained about her to her boss.
yes. you’ve been through a major ordeal, but that doesn’t give your permission to be rude. those nurses busted their asses getting you and your baby safely through delivery. try to keep things in perspective.
(and no. you don’t have to suck it up and deal with a smell you don’t like. just ask nicely and any l&d nurse would likely take care of it immediately.)
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you were pretty rude.
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nah.
people in hospitals are transferred off patients for literally anything, this was just tuesday for her. this is actually a very valid reason to change nurses, especially compared to the shit i've heard.
|
NAH
|
NTA
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YTA
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NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.770882
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i just gave birth and while at the hospital nurses and staff are coming by every couple hours to check on you and baby, plus baby wakes up, so you’re not really getting a lot of sleep. most of my nurses were great, except one who had the night shift. i don’t know if it was perfume or scented lotion but every time she came in she’d leave her perfumey smell lingering in the room. she came in once and i could tell it was her before she even moved the curtain to step into the room. she announced herself, “hi, it’s anna, just bringing your meds.” i said, “i know, i could smell you before i even saw you.” awkwardness ensued, she said she wasn’t wearing perfume because they’re not allowed, it’s lotion, nobody else has said anything.. she gave me my medication and left. shortly after that a new nurse came in and asked how everything was going, and i complained about anna’s perfume. this nurse was the charge nurse, i believe she’s anna’s boss. she listened, thanked me, and left. i didn’t see anna after that but a new nurse instead. i feel bad and like i was unnecessarily rude. on the one hand, if your lotion is so strong that it lingers long after you leave then maybe don’t wear it around patients who just gave birth and are super sensitive to smells. on the other hand, nobody else complained, and i could have just politely said, “hey, your lotion or perfume is kind of strong and i’m still nauseated from all the medication.” then after she left i complained to the charge nurse which probably wasn’t necessary. i was tired and cranky and sore.. i keep thinking about it and cringing. so how much of an asshole was i?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i just gave birth and while at the hospital nurses and staff are coming by every couple hours to check on you and baby, plus baby wakes up, so you’re not really getting a lot of sleep. most of my nurses were great, except one who had the night shift. i don’t know if it was perfume or scented lotion but every time she came in she’d leave her perfumey smell lingering in the room. she came in once and i could tell it was her before she even moved the curtain to step into the room. she announced herself, “hi, it’s anna, just bringing your meds.” i said, “i know, i could smell you before i even saw you.” awkwardness ensued, she said she wasn’t wearing perfume because they’re not allowed, it’s lotion, nobody else has said anything.. she gave me my medication and left. shortly after that a new nurse came in and asked how everything was going, and i complained about anna’s perfume. this nurse was the charge nurse, i believe she’s anna’s boss. she listened, thanked me, and left. i didn’t see anna after that but a new nurse instead. i feel bad and like i was unnecessarily rude. on the one hand, if your lotion is so strong that it lingers long after you leave then maybe don’t wear it around patients who just gave birth and are super sensitive to smells. on the other hand, nobody else complained, and i could have just politely said, “hey, your lotion or perfume is kind of strong and i’m still nauseated from all the medication.” then after she left i complained to the charge nurse which probably wasn’t necessary. i was tired and cranky and sore.. i keep thinking about it and cringing. so how much of an asshole was i? [/INST] nah. i’m a nurse and i can tell you for sure the nurse didn’t get in trouble. the charge nurse knows how to shift their staff to make everyone happy. you and anna didn’t click and that’s ok. i hope you had a better experience after the charge nurse changed her assignment. </s>
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AITA for having a secret savings account in case of divorce?
|
my husband (32m) and i (28f) have a unique marriage in some ways. we have been together 10 years and married for 8 of them. we don’t have kids and don’t plan on it. we have tried to keep finances fair but separate. we contribute equally to bills and to our joint savings account, but have separate checking accounts. after bills/savings, it’s our choice what we do with our remaining money.
we make about the same amount but i spend a lot less. he has some expensive hobbies and i don’t. so over the past few years i’ve started my own personal savings out of my “fun” money which now equals about as much as our joint savings. i’m just not sure about my marriage and i feel safer having the ability to leave if things get worse. my mom was in two abusive relationships while i grew up and i never want to be in a situation where i feel trapped.
my husband has never been abusive to be clear. the main issue with my marriage is around sex. my husband doesn’t enjoy it and i did not know this until after we were married. i don’t think he deliberately hid it from me but that he didn’t know or want to acknowledge this about himself. we haven’t had sex in 5 years now and it has caused me to lose romantic feelings towards him. he also has some anger/emotional issues that he is in therapy addressing, but he doesn’t ever want to talk to me about them. we coexist but i don’t feel like i’m in a relationship anymore and i’m not sure how to fix it when he refuses to open up to me. i am hopeful therapy might help and i am giving this time, but i also feel better having an exit plan.
i recently mentioned this to my best friend and he called me out about it and basically said i am being disloyal to my marriage. he asked me why i am staying at all if i have “one foot out the door” and leaving now would be kinder than letting my husband know in a few years that i planned this all along. aita?
edited to add— i’m not worried about having to split the money or disclose my savings if we divorced. my goal is actually to let him have our joint savings completely and have enough saved up on my own that i could still be okay. in terms of property, he has a lot more than me because of his expensive hobbies and i just imagine he would keep all of it. so i’m less concerned with the legal side and more worried that i’m being a horrible person by hiding this while he is in therapy and asking me not to leave him.
| 4,195
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k37mzp/aita_for_having_a_secret_savings_account_in_case/
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2020-11-29 11:02:08
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info: why are you in a relationship with someone when you are so incompatible?
you’re being an asshole to yourself by staying with someone you don’t love and haven’t done so for 5 years!
re the money, since your finances are separate you’re not an asshole for saving your fun money instead of spending it, since you each do what you want with your fun money it doesn’t matter you have a lot in savings. that being said, in a divorce i highly doubt he wouldn’t get half of it anyway.
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you do realize that in the case of a divorce, a judge can say that half of that savings goes to him, right? putting it into a separate savings doesn't protect it in a divorce.
and have you considered couple's therapy? or going to a sex therapist?
nta but your friend kinda is right.
|
>we coexist but i don’t feel like i’m in a relationship anymore and i’m not sure how to fix it when he refuses to open up to me. i am hopeful therapy might help and i am giving this time, but i also feel better having an exit plan.
ok first off, you've given it 5 years. do you really think he's going to change in 5 years? you started as teenagers and then he changed and you changed, as people naturally do in their 20s. what's happened is that you're no longer compatible.
sex is a healthy natural part of a living committed relationship. being asexual is fine, but your needs aren't second to his. not being able to share that crucial thing in your relationship, honestly isn't healthy at all.
not to mention the fact that he's not even willing to discuss it or alternatives, why are you thinking anything is going to change? you're talking about therapy, but therapy can't/won't change the fact that he's asexual, that's not something you can really fix (or should). so what good does therapy do you?
in 5 years has he really made any effort for you? what about your needs for affection and love and attention? sex is not just a physical need, for many it's an emotional need, a way to share and connect with their partner. and you've missed out on that for 5 years.
i know it's not easy to leave. and i'm not saying it has to be right now. but your whole life is passing you by, and you haven't really found your life partner yet, why wait? you have that account because you want to separate, maybe it's a subconscious truth but it's the truth, you wouldn't have that account if you didn't imagine yourself being out of this relationship.
nta, but please, it's ok to put your needs first.
|
nta for having a separate account, and nta for wanting more from your marriage.
you said in another reply:
>the last time i asked his response was “our relationship isn’t my priority right now” so i left it alone.
and
>he is terrified at the idea of me leaving him but he puts no effort into improving our relationship.
he thinks i just need to accept that i won’t ever have sex again.
when i’ve brought up how i didn’t know if i could handle that, he said it sounded like my problem not his.
are you *really* sure that this is "just a rough patch"? it sounds like this will be the rest of your marriage, no matter how long that might be.
i think you need to *really* think about why you are settling for a man who doesn't want you to leave the marriage, but thinks that the issue is *your expectation* and not *his unilateral decision that working on your relationship is not his priority.*
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nah. if both of you are free to do whatever you like with your money after shared savings and expenses, then that includes saving it for a rainy day.
one thing to make sure you're aware of though, if you do divorce your husband you'll have to include your secret savings account in your assets and it will be subject to the divorce proceedings just like everything else. you don't automatically get to keep all of it.
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yta but only in answer to your headline question, and mainly you're being an asshole to yourself.
i think if you are already at the stage of hiding major things from your husband because of your unhappiness, why have you not decided to leave? sexual incompatibility is a major thing and if you are not happy - and i absolutely hear that you feel "bait and switched"- it's an absolutely valid reason to leave.
however, your savings account will likely be considered a marital and joint asset.
|
nta. you have a roommate not a partner. just my opinion there. is he affectionate in other ways? are you alone more than not, even when you're both at home? a good/bad qualities list might be a good start for you. if the bad outweighs the good, well..
please don't let yourself exist in a half-life limbo then 10 years later, it's too late and you're too damaged to do anything about it. good luck!
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yta because i think you're lying to yourself. a healthy marriage requires trust, mutual respect, openness, honesty, emotional intimacy, etc from both parties. from what you describe, none of that is present in your life. you know deep down your marriage dead, and it would take an extraordinary amount of work with a therapist to revive it. you're already gone emotionally. you're not ready to admit to yourself you want out because you don't feel secure enough in your current amount of savings, which is an ah move.
however, i don't blame you. it's very scary to be freshly divorced with no prospects or savings. and you are entitled to your savings, since it's coming from your personal allowance.
look into moving the money i to a different bank that he doesn't have an account in. he might be entitled to half in the event of a divorce.
you should invest in some therapy for yourself. it will help you come to terms with your past and present circumstances.
|
nah. first off, your relationship isn’t going to work if you don’t plan on it working. but being independent and having your own money is essential to being in a healthy relationship. if you savings is purely so that you can leave, you’re setting yourself up for failure. if you’ve simply saved up and you’re savings is now big enough that it’s financially feasible to leave, then that’s just your money. if you found out your partner was saving up so they could leave you, you’ll probably be hurt too, feeling like they’re just leaving you in a shitty situation.
secondly, if sex is really the issue, you guys might try other relationship options. i think it’s fairly common for aces to be in open relationships so that their partner can still get their needs taken care of. i’m not saying this is the solution by any means, it could go horribly. maybe see if you can accompany him to therapy or seek couples therapy together.
you’ve been together for a long time, if you feel like it could work, then don’t let yourself regret not trying your hardest before giving up. good luck!
|
nta, but i do agree with your friend in that you sound like you really don't want to be married anymore. you guys sound incompatible. you can love him as a friend, but i don't think your marriage is a healthy one for both of you. sex is a huge part of a relationship, and incompatibility there extends outward. your needs aren't being met. that's fair. but what are you staying for? he's not going to suddenly turn into a sex machine. that part of the relationship is frozen. five years? five years of not having sex in a marriage? do both of you a favor and draw up divorce papers. therapy isn't going to fix that aspect. i'm not even touching the rage issues.
this is how cheating starts. you guys aren't in a healthy marriage. you're in a weird tangled friendship, and i think you'd be better off just divorcing and either going separate ways or staying friends. because the sex thing is a big thing, man. i'm hung up on that. either you're going to cheat, or he's going to feel pressured into having sex with you to make you happy, and that's borderline non-consent. why would either of you want to be in a relationship like that? you know you don't want to be in it and you're looking for a reason not to be, otherwise you wouldn't have that much money saved up as a 'just in case'. just do it. you're not getting any younger.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.276521
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (32m) and i (28f) have a unique marriage in some ways. we have been together 10 years and married for 8 of them. we don’t have kids and don’t plan on it. we have tried to keep finances fair but separate. we contribute equally to bills and to our joint savings account, but have separate checking accounts. after bills/savings, it’s our choice what we do with our remaining money. we make about the same amount but i spend a lot less. he has some expensive hobbies and i don’t. so over the past few years i’ve started my own personal savings out of my “fun” money which now equals about as much as our joint savings. i’m just not sure about my marriage and i feel safer having the ability to leave if things get worse. my mom was in two abusive relationships while i grew up and i never want to be in a situation where i feel trapped. my husband has never been abusive to be clear. the main issue with my marriage is around sex. my husband doesn’t enjoy it and i did not know this until after we were married. i don’t think he deliberately hid it from me but that he didn’t know or want to acknowledge this about himself. we haven’t had sex in 5 years now and it has caused me to lose romantic feelings towards him. he also has some anger/emotional issues that he is in therapy addressing, but he doesn’t ever want to talk to me about them. we coexist but i don’t feel like i’m in a relationship anymore and i’m not sure how to fix it when he refuses to open up to me. i am hopeful therapy might help and i am giving this time, but i also feel better having an exit plan. i recently mentioned this to my best friend and he called me out about it and basically said i am being disloyal to my marriage. he asked me why i am staying at all if i have “one foot out the door” and leaving now would be kinder than letting my husband know in a few years that i planned this all along. aita? edited to add— i’m not worried about having to split the money or disclose my savings if we divorced. my goal is actually to let him have our joint savings completely and have enough saved up on my own that i could still be okay. in terms of property, he has a lot more than me because of his expensive hobbies and i just imagine he would keep all of it. so i’m less concerned with the legal side and more worried that i’m being a horrible person by hiding this while he is in therapy and asking me not to leave him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (32m) and i (28f) have a unique marriage in some ways. we have been together 10 years and married for 8 of them. we don’t have kids and don’t plan on it. we have tried to keep finances fair but separate. we contribute equally to bills and to our joint savings account, but have separate checking accounts. after bills/savings, it’s our choice what we do with our remaining money. we make about the same amount but i spend a lot less. he has some expensive hobbies and i don’t. so over the past few years i’ve started my own personal savings out of my “fun” money which now equals about as much as our joint savings. i’m just not sure about my marriage and i feel safer having the ability to leave if things get worse. my mom was in two abusive relationships while i grew up and i never want to be in a situation where i feel trapped. my husband has never been abusive to be clear. the main issue with my marriage is around sex. my husband doesn’t enjoy it and i did not know this until after we were married. i don’t think he deliberately hid it from me but that he didn’t know or want to acknowledge this about himself. we haven’t had sex in 5 years now and it has caused me to lose romantic feelings towards him. he also has some anger/emotional issues that he is in therapy addressing, but he doesn’t ever want to talk to me about them. we coexist but i don’t feel like i’m in a relationship anymore and i’m not sure how to fix it when he refuses to open up to me. i am hopeful therapy might help and i am giving this time, but i also feel better having an exit plan. i recently mentioned this to my best friend and he called me out about it and basically said i am being disloyal to my marriage. he asked me why i am staying at all if i have “one foot out the door” and leaving now would be kinder than letting my husband know in a few years that i planned this all along. aita? edited to add— i’m not worried about having to split the money or disclose my savings if we divorced. my goal is actually to let him have our joint savings completely and have enough saved up on my own that i could still be okay. in terms of property, he has a lot more than me because of his expensive hobbies and i just imagine he would keep all of it. so i’m less concerned with the legal side and more worried that i’m being a horrible person by hiding this while he is in therapy and asking me not to leave him. [/INST] info: why are you in a relationship with someone when you are so incompatible? you’re being an asshole to yourself by staying with someone you don’t love and haven’t done so for 5 years! re the money, since your finances are separate you’re not an asshole for saving your fun money instead of spending it, since you each do what you want with your fun money it doesn’t matter you have a lot in savings. that being said, in a divorce i highly doubt he wouldn’t get half of it anyway. </s>
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AITA for kicking my wife out of the house after she called CPS on my sister.
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so my sister has 5 kids under the age of 13, the 8 year old girl and 4 year old boy are currently sick and so the house is a mess due to the fact that she can't clean it.
the the 3 oldest and the 2 youngest have different dads and they both pay child support and take the kids during the weekends.
me and my wife came over to drop of some soup and shopping and we where going to take the other 3 kids out for a fun afternoon, we get there and the house was definitely messy.
clothing littered everywhere and dishes where not done, i shrugged it off and knew that my sister would get it done eventually.
my wife thought differently and decided that she would call cps on her for neglect, i was the most mad i've ever been and told my wife to get out of the house and stay with her mum for the time being.
my wife knows that the kids are sick and knows how nicely she keeps the house.
i basically told my wife to fuck off (i was pretty angry as my sister was a complete mess over the phone)
her side of the family have been calling me and telling me how horrible i am for kicking out my wife, my wife is a utter mess and i've been getting non stop texts from her.
aita for kicking her out?
| 3,170
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/chy69h/aita_for_kicking_my_wife_out_of_the_house_after/
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2019-07-26 04:18:46
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esh. you have every right to be angry. what your wife did was really really shitty. that said, if you’re married, i’m guessing your home belongs to the both of you. even when you’re really pissed off, and rightfully so, i don’t think that gives you the right to kick someone out of their own home.
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nta- those actions can cause huge damage. does she really think the kids would be better off in foster care?? did she consider that your sister and family will likely never forgive her? i would have done a quick load of laundry and washed some dishes if it were my brother or sister in law. also, i would have asked her to leave as well. that was seriously wrong what she did.
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i am going to have to say not enough info without seeing the house for myself. people have different expectations of cleanliness. you and your sister may not think it’s *that* dirty, when in fact it is. i have walked into a house that the owners didn’t consider “filthy” but i refused to put a child on the floor because it did not meet my expectations of clean. especially if there are really young children in the house, it being dirty could be a hazard. again, without seeing what your wife saw, i can not give a judgement, but i do suggest talking to your wife to understand why she called cps.
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nta. your wife could have stayed to help clean. she could have offered to take the kids so the mother had a chance to get everything back in order. she could have sat down with the mother and shared her concerns. cps is for serious neglect, like starving a kid, not providing clothing and shoes, drugs in the home, but not a messy house. once they get involved in someone's life it causes extreme stress for everyone, including the kids she is trying to "save". she crossed the line. i'd be so pissed.
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info: why on earth would your wife call cps over a messy house? there's something else going on here. either it was wya worse than you're making out, or your wife hates your sister for some other reason, or...she's a bit extreme about housework.
are you in the habit of prioritising your sister over your wife?
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info: was your wife sincerely concerned about the childrens' well-being?
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info - you need to clarify exactly how messy. i really doubt your wife called over dirty dishes and clothes on the floor. was there mold? we're there roaches/mice/rats? are the children sick due to poor hygiene?
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info... i find it really hard to believe that any one would call cps because of a few dishes and clothes. i think op might not be giving us the full story... or unaware of the full story
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esh. your wife is obviously a massive asshole. it sounds like sister generally keeps the house clean and got overwhelmed this week while denying with two sick kids.
calling cps on a mom for getting behind on housework during a rough week is such a huge overreaction and can have so many consequences. and she didn't even have the decency to offer help or even talk to you about it. i would be seeing red if i were you, too. in fact, i might be seeing a divorce attorney.
that being said, don't throw a spouse out of the shared home. if you can't stand to be near them, remove yourself. in hindsight, a more productive path may have been for you to go to your sister's. that way you can get some distance and also help her out.
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info: did she *say* she called cps, or has everyone simply assumed that she has?
& follow up question, if she said she did, did she give a reason why or did she just say "the house was messy"?
second follow up question: could the children have potentially been sick because of the home environment?
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ESH
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
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ESH
|
INFO
| 0.396817
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my sister has 5 kids under the age of 13, the 8 year old girl and 4 year old boy are currently sick and so the house is a mess due to the fact that she can't clean it. the the 3 oldest and the 2 youngest have different dads and they both pay child support and take the kids during the weekends. me and my wife came over to drop of some soup and shopping and we where going to take the other 3 kids out for a fun afternoon, we get there and the house was definitely messy. clothing littered everywhere and dishes where not done, i shrugged it off and knew that my sister would get it done eventually. my wife thought differently and decided that she would call cps on her for neglect, i was the most mad i've ever been and told my wife to get out of the house and stay with her mum for the time being. my wife knows that the kids are sick and knows how nicely she keeps the house. i basically told my wife to fuck off (i was pretty angry as my sister was a complete mess over the phone) her side of the family have been calling me and telling me how horrible i am for kicking out my wife, my wife is a utter mess and i've been getting non stop texts from her. aita for kicking her out?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my sister has 5 kids under the age of 13, the 8 year old girl and 4 year old boy are currently sick and so the house is a mess due to the fact that she can't clean it. the the 3 oldest and the 2 youngest have different dads and they both pay child support and take the kids during the weekends. me and my wife came over to drop of some soup and shopping and we where going to take the other 3 kids out for a fun afternoon, we get there and the house was definitely messy. clothing littered everywhere and dishes where not done, i shrugged it off and knew that my sister would get it done eventually. my wife thought differently and decided that she would call cps on her for neglect, i was the most mad i've ever been and told my wife to get out of the house and stay with her mum for the time being. my wife knows that the kids are sick and knows how nicely she keeps the house. i basically told my wife to fuck off (i was pretty angry as my sister was a complete mess over the phone) her side of the family have been calling me and telling me how horrible i am for kicking out my wife, my wife is a utter mess and i've been getting non stop texts from her. aita for kicking her out? [/INST] esh. you have every right to be angry. what your wife did was really really shitty. that said, if you’re married, i’m guessing your home belongs to the both of you. even when you’re really pissed off, and rightfully so, i don’t think that gives you the right to kick someone out of their own home. </s>
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AITA For changing my Hulu password?
|
edit 2: he had too much too drink and has reset the wifi and put the router back in my room. i appreciate the input and stuff. it sucks when your own family gangs up on you over stupid shit. i've gotten in contact with my mother and should be moving across the country by mid june. wish me luck lads and ladys 💜
edit 1: on mobile sorry for formatting
a few days ago i was checking my hulu account info for some reason and i noticed that there were 35 active devices on my account. which was odd because it should be my family and a few friends, probably 15-20 devices max.
i glanced around and saw my uncles ex-fiances ipad was one of the devices. and thought it was weird and not cool she had my account. nobody asked me if she could use it, so i changed my accounts password and deactivated all devices. and decided id just put the password in myself so nobody can spread it.
come now three days later and my uncle texts me this
(u for uncle m for me)
u: whats wrong with the hulu account
m: i changed the password and deactivated all the random devices
u: okay whats the password?
m: ill be home in like an hour, ill put it in then
u: just give me the password
m: no dude xf was on my account and so were a ton if other people. ill put in the password myself
he then said he will change all of his passwords,
i tell him thats fine i dont use any of your accounts, if you want me to add my hulu i will.
and then he just went off on me being an asshole and "its about the principal" and that he is gonna take the router out of my room and cancel the wi-fi. and berated me about being worthless over the phone.
i just wanna know how ima the asshole in the situation
| 2,035
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mv9jt3/aita_for_changing_my_hulu_password/
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2021-04-21 06:10:36
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info: are you paying for this account? if so, those people have no business using it.
if someone else who's using it is paying, it may be a different matter.
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nta
he's going to take the router out of your room and cancel the wifi? what a level-headed, rational adult /s
does he pay for your wifi? even so, he is not entitled to your hulu password, especially if it gets passed on to other people. uncle needs to calm down.
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nta
it’s your account, you get to choose who uses it. i totally think you are in the right.
however, you may want to consider if this is the hill you want to die on. if he pays for your wifi and has the ability to revoke it, you may want to tread carefully. it could suck ending up having to pay for your own wifi, router, and hulu account.
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i'm always amazed by the drama around streaming services account in 1st world countries, it's not really expensive and still people try to leech account credentials from people they barely know to save 8 dollars.
nta, it's your account and you have the right to control who uses it.
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do you use their wifi and pay for it? maybe they see it as a trade, as part of your contribution. maybe a conversation should be had. i don’t see you being the a, but i’m not understanding why his router and wifi is at your house in your room either
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nta, your account, your decision. whiny uncle
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>"it's about the principal"
umm... exactly?? that's exactly why you would reset the passwords. does he want his ex and everyone to walk all over his fam? your uncle is a dip
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nta
when you don’t pay for a service, you don’t get to complain when you get logged out for giving the password to someone else. that’s like, basic decency.
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nta, your account, you can do what you like with it. u is just bitter.
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your uncle sounds like a great person /s
berating and insulting someone over what, like $15/month or so sounds really classy. do you live in his house or does he have any authority where you live that he thinks he can just take your router or something similar?
nta
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: edit 2: he had too much too drink and has reset the wifi and put the router back in my room. i appreciate the input and stuff. it sucks when your own family gangs up on you over stupid shit. i've gotten in contact with my mother and should be moving across the country by mid june. wish me luck lads and ladys 💜 edit 1: on mobile sorry for formatting a few days ago i was checking my hulu account info for some reason and i noticed that there were 35 active devices on my account. which was odd because it should be my family and a few friends, probably 15-20 devices max. i glanced around and saw my uncles ex-fiances ipad was one of the devices. and thought it was weird and not cool she had my account. nobody asked me if she could use it, so i changed my accounts password and deactivated all devices. and decided id just put the password in myself so nobody can spread it. come now three days later and my uncle texts me this (u for uncle m for me) u: whats wrong with the hulu account m: i changed the password and deactivated all the random devices u: okay whats the password? m: ill be home in like an hour, ill put it in then u: just give me the password m: no dude xf was on my account and so were a ton if other people. ill put in the password myself he then said he will change all of his passwords, i tell him thats fine i dont use any of your accounts, if you want me to add my hulu i will. and then he just went off on me being an asshole and "its about the principal" and that he is gonna take the router out of my room and cancel the wi-fi. and berated me about being worthless over the phone. i just wanna know how ima the asshole in the situation
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
edit 2: he had too much too drink and has reset the wifi and put the router back in my room. i appreciate the input and stuff. it sucks when your own family gangs up on you over stupid shit. i've gotten in contact with my mother and should be moving across the country by mid june. wish me luck lads and ladys 💜 edit 1: on mobile sorry for formatting a few days ago i was checking my hulu account info for some reason and i noticed that there were 35 active devices on my account. which was odd because it should be my family and a few friends, probably 15-20 devices max. i glanced around and saw my uncles ex-fiances ipad was one of the devices. and thought it was weird and not cool she had my account. nobody asked me if she could use it, so i changed my accounts password and deactivated all devices. and decided id just put the password in myself so nobody can spread it. come now three days later and my uncle texts me this (u for uncle m for me) u: whats wrong with the hulu account m: i changed the password and deactivated all the random devices u: okay whats the password? m: ill be home in like an hour, ill put it in then u: just give me the password m: no dude xf was on my account and so were a ton if other people. ill put in the password myself he then said he will change all of his passwords, i tell him thats fine i dont use any of your accounts, if you want me to add my hulu i will. and then he just went off on me being an asshole and "its about the principal" and that he is gonna take the router out of my room and cancel the wi-fi. and berated me about being worthless over the phone. i just wanna know how ima the asshole in the situation [/INST] info: are you paying for this account? if so, those people have no business using it. if someone else who's using it is paying, it may be a different matter. </s>
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AITA for having an abortion behind my boyfriend's back ?
|
in december, my boyfriend and i had sex and the condom broke. i didn't think of using plan b as i have pcos and was told it would be hard for me to have children without treatment, so at that point i was mostly worried about stds. one month later i bought a pregnancy test as my period was late and it came back positive right away. i can't describe how i felt at that moment, i was euphoric because i realized i could have children but also terrified because i knew i wouldn't be able to keep my baby although i wanted it more than anything in the world.
&#x200b;
i come from a very very conservative family, honour killings are frequent where my parents are from. i'm not allowed to date, let alone have sex before marriage, so them knowing about the pregnancy would be a death sentence for me. my cousin was severly beaten up by her father and brothers for hanging out with a boy after school. if they found out, they would take me to their home country and kill me there, and no one would know about it. they would also find a way to hurt my boyfriend. my parents trust me entirely and think i'm a virgin, they would lose their mind over this.
&#x200b;
my boyfriend and i have often talked about what we would do if i got pregnant. he told me he would be there for me, get a full time job, an appartment. he always said it would be a blessing to have kids with me. i have told him about how my parents would react but he wouldn't understand. he thought they would be mad at me but would eventually let it go, but i know my parents and they would definetly not react this way. if my boyfriend found out i was pregnant he would'nt have let me get an abortion. i know he would have been thrilled to be a father.
&#x200b;
so when i found out i was pregnant i knew what i had to do, but i was terrified, angry and disgusted at myself for doing this to my baby. i was nine weeks pregnant when i had a medical abortion at the hospital all by myself.
i keep thinking about what would have happened if i was born into a different, more tolerant family. it's been five weeks since the abortion and i feel extremely disgusted with myself for doing this behind my boyfriend's back. it was his baby too and i really wish we could have kept it.
&#x200b;
tl;dr : i got pregnant and got an abortion to avoid being a victim of honour killing. i hid the pregnancy and abortion from my boyfriend because he would have wanted me to keep it, and doesn't believe what my parents are capable of in order to save their "honour". aita ?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
| 3,017
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b0lyow/aita_for_having_an_abortion_behind_my_boyfriends/
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2019-03-13 13:22:54
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nah. you made the best decision you could for your own safety in a really difficult situation. i’m sorry you’re going through this op- maybe seek counseling.
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nta-but you should leave your family and never look back. messed up
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you’re nta!! you made the decision that you had to make to ensure your safety. it would be great if your boyfriend understood the greater context about your family, but you absolutely do not have to put your life in jeopardy in hopes that he comes around.
i’m so sorry you had to go through this, and i’m glad you’re safe now. it seems to me that anything you can do to ensure your independence from your family - moving, cutting ties, planning for your financial future, etc - will increase your wellbeing.
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nah - i am from a similar cultural background so i understand where you’re coming from. you did well! don’t doubt your choices.
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nah (you and your boyfriend, your family is way beyond the title of "asshole"). you made this decision to *stay alive*, not because you wanted to hurt him or because you didn't want to deal with hassle.
this said, i think you need to do some serious soul-searching about what you're going to do in the long run with your boyfriend. if you wish you could have kept the baby, do you see a future with your boyfriend? how would you realize it? what do you need to do *now* to make your ultimate vision come true?
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nta, please don't think of this as "behind my boyfriend's back," think of it as "did a thing so i can be safe and continue being alive."
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nah, but you need to run from your family as fast as you can. are you a legal adult? if so, i would recommend cutting contact and trying to move very far away if you fear for your safety.
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nta. normally i'd go the other way on this, but given the cultural stuff.....yeah.
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abortion is a sensitive topic. i still expect you to remain respectful and civil when discussing the question. stick to giving judgement on ops question. as always, follow reddiquette (i.e. the downvote button is not a "i hate this" button, but a tool for hiding off-topic comments).
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nah! i'm mad at the universe on your behalf, but you have nothing to be ashamed or embarassed of!
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.019171
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: in december, my boyfriend and i had sex and the condom broke. i didn't think of using plan b as i have pcos and was told it would be hard for me to have children without treatment, so at that point i was mostly worried about stds. one month later i bought a pregnancy test as my period was late and it came back positive right away. i can't describe how i felt at that moment, i was euphoric because i realized i could have children but also terrified because i knew i wouldn't be able to keep my baby although i wanted it more than anything in the world. &#x200b; i come from a very very conservative family, honour killings are frequent where my parents are from. i'm not allowed to date, let alone have sex before marriage, so them knowing about the pregnancy would be a death sentence for me. my cousin was severly beaten up by her father and brothers for hanging out with a boy after school. if they found out, they would take me to their home country and kill me there, and no one would know about it. they would also find a way to hurt my boyfriend. my parents trust me entirely and think i'm a virgin, they would lose their mind over this. &#x200b; my boyfriend and i have often talked about what we would do if i got pregnant. he told me he would be there for me, get a full time job, an appartment. he always said it would be a blessing to have kids with me. i have told him about how my parents would react but he wouldn't understand. he thought they would be mad at me but would eventually let it go, but i know my parents and they would definetly not react this way. if my boyfriend found out i was pregnant he would'nt have let me get an abortion. i know he would have been thrilled to be a father. &#x200b; so when i found out i was pregnant i knew what i had to do, but i was terrified, angry and disgusted at myself for doing this to my baby. i was nine weeks pregnant when i had a medical abortion at the hospital all by myself. i keep thinking about what would have happened if i was born into a different, more tolerant family. it's been five weeks since the abortion and i feel extremely disgusted with myself for doing this behind my boyfriend's back. it was his baby too and i really wish we could have kept it. &#x200b; tl;dr : i got pregnant and got an abortion to avoid being a victim of honour killing. i hid the pregnancy and abortion from my boyfriend because he would have wanted me to keep it, and doesn't believe what my parents are capable of in order to save their "honour". aita ? &#x200b; &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
in december, my boyfriend and i had sex and the condom broke. i didn't think of using plan b as i have pcos and was told it would be hard for me to have children without treatment, so at that point i was mostly worried about stds. one month later i bought a pregnancy test as my period was late and it came back positive right away. i can't describe how i felt at that moment, i was euphoric because i realized i could have children but also terrified because i knew i wouldn't be able to keep my baby although i wanted it more than anything in the world. &#x200b; i come from a very very conservative family, honour killings are frequent where my parents are from. i'm not allowed to date, let alone have sex before marriage, so them knowing about the pregnancy would be a death sentence for me. my cousin was severly beaten up by her father and brothers for hanging out with a boy after school. if they found out, they would take me to their home country and kill me there, and no one would know about it. they would also find a way to hurt my boyfriend. my parents trust me entirely and think i'm a virgin, they would lose their mind over this. &#x200b; my boyfriend and i have often talked about what we would do if i got pregnant. he told me he would be there for me, get a full time job, an appartment. he always said it would be a blessing to have kids with me. i have told him about how my parents would react but he wouldn't understand. he thought they would be mad at me but would eventually let it go, but i know my parents and they would definetly not react this way. if my boyfriend found out i was pregnant he would'nt have let me get an abortion. i know he would have been thrilled to be a father. &#x200b; so when i found out i was pregnant i knew what i had to do, but i was terrified, angry and disgusted at myself for doing this to my baby. i was nine weeks pregnant when i had a medical abortion at the hospital all by myself. i keep thinking about what would have happened if i was born into a different, more tolerant family. it's been five weeks since the abortion and i feel extremely disgusted with myself for doing this behind my boyfriend's back. it was his baby too and i really wish we could have kept it. &#x200b; tl;dr : i got pregnant and got an abortion to avoid being a victim of honour killing. i hid the pregnancy and abortion from my boyfriend because he would have wanted me to keep it, and doesn't believe what my parents are capable of in order to save their "honour". aita ? &#x200b; &#x200b; [/INST] nah. you made the best decision you could for your own safety in a really difficult situation. i’m sorry you’re going through this op- maybe seek counseling. </s>
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AITA for not paying for the extra meal I accidentally ordered at a wedding?
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my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it.
at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well.
i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
| 24,365
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2cd5s/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_extra_meal_i/
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2019-09-10 18:54:44
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nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship.
>i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well.
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nta. i can’t believe they actually reached out to you about paying for the meal. how petty.
a child’s meal is obviously not going to be sufficient for a 16 year old. seriously.
if you do think this is going to blow up and damage your friendship with the bride and groom, i’d suck it up and pay though.
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nta -- you told them what meal you were expecting. they knew what meal you were expecting. the confusion of them changing your son's order is what cost them money, not you
a) they could have clarified before the wedding your son would be getting a kids meal (still rude imo, but it was possible to avoid confusion)
b) most restaurants have a kids meal cut off of \~13. maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like this applies to weddings...a sixteen year old eats as much food as a grown adult.
c) calling you after the wedding and asking you to pay them back just feels tacky. wedding meals get expensive but in the grand scheme of things, one extra meal is not the expense that sends them into bankruptcy compared to the cost of a wedding
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nta. in no circumstance would i ever assume that a 16 year old boy would eat off a kids menu. the fact that they changed the order, and then expect you to pay is ridiculous. it sounds like they spent more than they could afford on this wedding and are trying to recoup some of the costs. this is beyond petty of them.
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nta honestly who are these parents and brides who harass their guests after a wedding? it’s so pathetic and rude.
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nta 16 are not children.
seems like they were trying to nickle and dime there caterers
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nta - but the bride's parents actions are so over the top (they called you about this?! to what - scold you? ask you to pay??!) that i would go the route of being likewise over the top and graciously polite and insist on paying even though of course the parents weren't asking that and would no doubt not dream of making such an impolite request! $25 or whatever it costs is nothing to get these bizarre people off your back (assuming you are able to part with this amount without hardship - if you can't afford to pay then just politely say you do not feel obligated to pay, but apologise for the confusion).
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nta. who the actual fuck charges people to be a guest at their wedding?
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nta - they're being stingy assholes. you requested a meal on the invite for him and wasn't provided one.
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nta
there is no age cutoff for kids meals. you ordered 2 chicken meals, you ate 2 chicken meals.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake. [/INST] nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship. >i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well. </s>
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AITA for locking myself in with my baby?
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i know this seems sucky at best. but i think i have good reasons.
my amazing wife just gave birth two weeks ago. it's been an amazing journey, and really made us closer than ever.
ever since jay was born, my wife would almost never let me hold him. i hold him for a couple seconds, then she says that he wants to be fed.
other times she just carefully snatches him from my hands. i have said multiple times for her to stop, but she hasn't. i just want to hold him for more than a couple seconds.
while we were downstairs and cooking, we heard jay start to cry. i litterally run to the room, lock the door, and start to feed him from a bottle. then, my wife starts to cry outside the door. i truly feel sorry for her, but i need to hold him for a while also.
aita?
| 3,629
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/er5v54/aita_for_locking_myself_in_with_my_baby/
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2020-01-20 01:32:05
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info: has your wife been screened for postpartum anxiety or depression? her behavior sounds pretty off to me.
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nah. you want to hold your newborn and she’s been stopping you. it sounds like you reached a boiling point. your wife just gave birth and sounds like she has a serious case of postpartum depression (it can really mess with recent mothers). you both need to have a frank and deep discussion about this, her behavior isn’t acceptable, even if it’s from depression. your behavior in this instance is not a good solution. your wife needs counseling if she isn’t in the right mindset for a discussion.
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esh - it's not okay to deny you your own child. but locking yourself in, with no communication? that's an asshole move. so yeah.
i think you guys need therapy.
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your *freshly postpartum, likely still bleeding* wife is *crying for her baby* on the other side of a *locked door* that you, the man she's supposed to be able to count on and trust above anyone else, locked, and you're ok with that?
yta.
have a modicum of empathy and *talk* to your wife about it rather than physically locking her away from the child she spent the better part of a year physically attached to. give her time.
she is not an asshole, she's a new mother riding the wave of emotions that come with the hormone crash. she's also your *wife* and needs you to support her, not antagonize her.
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nta/nah
i feel like i'm betraying women everywhere by slightly siding with op on this.
however, i think something is going on with ops wife.
is it bananas that he had to run and lock himself into the room to have any significant time with his child? yes.
and his wife must know the child is safe with him, but she's outside the door crying? that's equally nuts
think how desperate he, as a new father, also must feel. he literally has little to no access to his own child.
you both need to get into counseling together, stat.
i'd like to imagine you only came to this breaking point after numerous attempts at rational discussion, to no avail.
rational conversation between the two of you isn't working. it's time to get professional help.
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you’re an idiot mate. it’s been two weeks, two weeks and i get your want to hold your kid but your “plan” is to lock yourself in a room......what’s next in this genius plan of yours? walk out and say to her “i hope 20 minutes of sobbing uncontrollably on the other side of a door while your vagina still hurts from birthing this child recently has made you see the error in your ways”
i’m a man and a father of two children. my wife needed me so much during this time, i was her rock and i had a poker face the whole time when things got tough. that’s our job as fathers is to support. now part of that support in your case is to recognize that what’s happening isn’t right and get her the help she needs and this may require tough love.
i comment on here a lot but i rarely have a physical response to the post but this really pissed me off. you let your wife down here buddy to fill your need. this is shit that can ruin trust in a marriage forever, i hope it doesn’t but i hope you understand.
you locked yourself in a room. fuck bro.
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[deleted]
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yta for how you handled this problem, not for wanting time with your baby. please get your wife an appointment with her obstetrician to be evaluated for post-partum depression. ask at the appointment how to get time with your baby in a positive way. get a referral to a counselor or therapist if necessary. keep asking until you get help.
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mothers of newborns tend to have _hypervigilance_ - a heightened sense of threat and danger surrounding their tiny fragile new babies- and which is the evolutionary advantage which has enabled humans to survive. it may be that her sense of you as a threat was unreasonable previously, but by locking a door between her and her baby, you’ve just confirmed she was right to be fearful. for that reason yta.
you also don’t mention whether your baby is breastfed - if so introducing a bottle is very irresponsible at this stage.
you both need to get some support, and you need to focus on what’s best for the baby, which is at this stage a happy healthy mother who is supported by her partner. your feelings, and i’m sorry to be brutal here, but this is reality for a mother-baby dyad - how you feel and what you want comes third.
baby, mother, you. good luck.
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dude this is above reddit's paygrade. ppd is brutal and can hit fast. in the course of two weeks i got it so bad i was hallucinating someone standing over my baby's crib. i was lucky in that i saw my doc the next day.
please please please help your wife get screened. she's sick and needs help. ppd is absolutely the most miserable thing i've dealt with and i have both bipolar disorder and cptsd.
edit cause spelling
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INFO
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NAH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know this seems sucky at best. but i think i have good reasons. my amazing wife just gave birth two weeks ago. it's been an amazing journey, and really made us closer than ever. ever since jay was born, my wife would almost never let me hold him. i hold him for a couple seconds, then she says that he wants to be fed. other times she just carefully snatches him from my hands. i have said multiple times for her to stop, but she hasn't. i just want to hold him for more than a couple seconds. while we were downstairs and cooking, we heard jay start to cry. i litterally run to the room, lock the door, and start to feed him from a bottle. then, my wife starts to cry outside the door. i truly feel sorry for her, but i need to hold him for a while also. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know this seems sucky at best. but i think i have good reasons. my amazing wife just gave birth two weeks ago. it's been an amazing journey, and really made us closer than ever. ever since jay was born, my wife would almost never let me hold him. i hold him for a couple seconds, then she says that he wants to be fed. other times she just carefully snatches him from my hands. i have said multiple times for her to stop, but she hasn't. i just want to hold him for more than a couple seconds. while we were downstairs and cooking, we heard jay start to cry. i litterally run to the room, lock the door, and start to feed him from a bottle. then, my wife starts to cry outside the door. i truly feel sorry for her, but i need to hold him for a while also. aita? [/INST] info: has your wife been screened for postpartum anxiety or depression? her behavior sounds pretty off to me. </s>
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AITA for taking advantage of my girlfriend after she cheated on me?
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"so i have been with this girl for nearly two years and she always checked my phone and always acted a little crazy any time i talk to any female even related to school stuff. i love her and she was great in most other ways. i legitimately planned on marrying her once i graduated college. im not a super jealous person but im obviously not ok with her getting with other guys. i trusted her and pretty much cut out interaction with other girls for her.
long story short, one morning i got out of bed for work and her phone was ringing (silently). i didnt think much of it...wrong number probably. i came back from the shower and she had a few texts from the same number. i opened her phone and saw 4 messages including "damn i miss your body *girlfriend name*...when can we do it again". i was instamtly furious but i played it cool and left for work without saying a word. the next morning low and behold the texts and calls were deleted so i knew something had happened. i had had my suspicions before but this was the last straw. i took a day to think about revenge and i figured the best thing to do was to wait a week (for my birthday) and see what happened. i was probably a little hostile in this time but i tried to be cool until my birthday. i knew she was planning on buying me the newest iphone and mine was broken screen and still using the 6.
so what i did...i waited until my birthday, got my iphone 10, and the next day i sent her the pictures i'd taken of her cheating and said i wanted her out and thanks for the phone. she initially tried denying, and then apologizing, and then blaming me, and calling me a total asshole. (i never responded)
aita summary: girlfriend cheated and i waited until she bought my birthday gift to break up with her
| 3,664
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awlnyo/aita_for_taking_advantage_of_my_girlfriend_after/
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2019-03-02 20:01:33
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esh
we’re searching for assholes here, not appreciating good revenge stories. yeah she betrayed your trust arguably deserved what she got. you’re still an asshole though!
stay classy, op, and enjoy the new phone
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esh. i want to admire how shrewd you were, but i shat all over the woman who posted about waiting to break up until after her boyfriend-sponsored vacation the other day. don't want to be a hypocrite.
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esh two assholes don't make a right
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esh and also this relationship sounds like it was completely terrible.
"she always checked my phone and always acted a little crazy any time i talk to any female even related to school stuff...i pretty much cut out interaction with other girls for her." yikes.
"i can tell you if i caught her in the act...someone would probably end up in a hospital" double yikes.
glad you two got away from each other.
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nta she chose to cheat on you, she chose to buy you the phone.
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esh nice revenge, but still wrong
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nta - i mean maybe. but fuck cheaters.
she’s a bad person and this would appear to be karma.
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funny how people super paranoid about cheating seem to do it themselves often
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esh, it’s obvious she is an asshole and what you did was a really asshole move too but deserved and **smart**. enjoy that new phone!
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[deleted]
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.497288
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: "so i have been with this girl for nearly two years and she always checked my phone and always acted a little crazy any time i talk to any female even related to school stuff. i love her and she was great in most other ways. i legitimately planned on marrying her once i graduated college. im not a super jealous person but im obviously not ok with her getting with other guys. i trusted her and pretty much cut out interaction with other girls for her. long story short, one morning i got out of bed for work and her phone was ringing (silently). i didnt think much of it...wrong number probably. i came back from the shower and she had a few texts from the same number. i opened her phone and saw 4 messages including "damn i miss your body *girlfriend name*...when can we do it again". i was instamtly furious but i played it cool and left for work without saying a word. the next morning low and behold the texts and calls were deleted so i knew something had happened. i had had my suspicions before but this was the last straw. i took a day to think about revenge and i figured the best thing to do was to wait a week (for my birthday) and see what happened. i was probably a little hostile in this time but i tried to be cool until my birthday. i knew she was planning on buying me the newest iphone and mine was broken screen and still using the 6. so what i did...i waited until my birthday, got my iphone 10, and the next day i sent her the pictures i'd taken of her cheating and said i wanted her out and thanks for the phone. she initially tried denying, and then apologizing, and then blaming me, and calling me a total asshole. (i never responded) aita summary: girlfriend cheated and i waited until she bought my birthday gift to break up with her
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
"so i have been with this girl for nearly two years and she always checked my phone and always acted a little crazy any time i talk to any female even related to school stuff. i love her and she was great in most other ways. i legitimately planned on marrying her once i graduated college. im not a super jealous person but im obviously not ok with her getting with other guys. i trusted her and pretty much cut out interaction with other girls for her. long story short, one morning i got out of bed for work and her phone was ringing (silently). i didnt think much of it...wrong number probably. i came back from the shower and she had a few texts from the same number. i opened her phone and saw 4 messages including "damn i miss your body *girlfriend name*...when can we do it again". i was instamtly furious but i played it cool and left for work without saying a word. the next morning low and behold the texts and calls were deleted so i knew something had happened. i had had my suspicions before but this was the last straw. i took a day to think about revenge and i figured the best thing to do was to wait a week (for my birthday) and see what happened. i was probably a little hostile in this time but i tried to be cool until my birthday. i knew she was planning on buying me the newest iphone and mine was broken screen and still using the 6. so what i did...i waited until my birthday, got my iphone 10, and the next day i sent her the pictures i'd taken of her cheating and said i wanted her out and thanks for the phone. she initially tried denying, and then apologizing, and then blaming me, and calling me a total asshole. (i never responded) aita summary: girlfriend cheated and i waited until she bought my birthday gift to break up with her [/INST] esh we’re searching for assholes here, not appreciating good revenge stories. yeah she betrayed your trust arguably deserved what she got. you’re still an asshole though! stay classy, op, and enjoy the new phone </s>
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AITA for insisting my sister gets a prenuptial agreement?
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my sister and i property investors who own 6 investment properties together. i know how the internet feels about evil landlords, so spare me that please that's not why i'm here. we started with 1 house to live in then bought lots of cheap houses and flipped them for rental income. we're doing well financially bc of said houses.
my sister is getting married. wedding is later this year, pandemonium dependent. im helping her plan and we were going through a to do list, seeing what's left to be done. she mentioned caterers, venue, invites etc and asked if she'd forgotten anything. i said yes - prenup and we both sang "we want prenup yeahh" like the kanye song then laughed. she moved on to the next item without actually addressing it. i leave it for then and we go our separate ways. i text her later in the evening "hey, my friend used a really good lawyer to draw her prenup so lmk if you want me to ask for her deets". she replies she thought i was joking, she's not asking her husband to sign a prenup. i reply i wasn't joking, and i must insist he signs one. she calls and says its not my place to insist. i say it is when our assets our tied together. she asks me if i'm trying to say something about her fh. i say i'm trying to be realistic and smart then it all goes to hell. she starts yelling at me about being rude, jinxing her marriage before it began yadayadayada. i say either she gets a prenup or we transfer all property to my name and i get one if i ever get married then i hang up.
been bombarded by family saying her fh is a good guy who would "never do that" if they separated. he sent me a text admonishing me for hurting my sister and calling him a gold digger: he thought i liked him. im not backing down on this. aita for how i went about it or wanting one?
tldr: my sister is getting married. we are property investor and i want her to get a prenup to protect our assets. she doesn't so im (trying) forcing her to.
| 2,309
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mba1af/aita_for_insisting_my_sister_gets_a_prenuptial/
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2021-03-23 08:27:29
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nah but have you seen a lawyer about your options though? surely there's some agreement you and your sister could sign that would at least protect your half of things. you're not the first person whose business partner has gotten married
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if you want to be smart with your business, be smart with your business, a prenup for someone else's marriage isn't necessary. talk to a business lawyer about getting paperwork written up that states that if she gets divorced, your portion of the profits doesn't get touched or however it needs to be worded to protect the business. make sure you have the proper protections in place for your business instead of demanding your sister do something that's not your decision. yta
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how do you run a real estate business and not have an attorney or any kind of legal documentation spelling out, well all the legal stuff you need to run a business? that’s freaking nuts!
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nta it isn't even about the husband. what of your sister and her husband get into an accident and he dies 1 minute later than she does? then your sisters share company can go to his parents if legislation works like that in your country. its situations like this that will be addressed in a prenup. they are very necessary and exist for a reason
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yta - if your assets are not protected from folly from her part of the business then you haven't done your personal due diligence. your arrangement with your sister should be structured such that you are protected no matter who owns or is controlling her share.
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this is stupid. you should be owning the properties in individual llcs, which are all owned by a single llc owned by you and your sister. the terms of the large llc operating agreement should dictate exactly what happens if either of the two of you passes away, which should include a buy out of their interest, to their estate, using an agreed upon method of valuation. insisting your partner get a prenup is not a smart business decision, it is highly inappropriate. you need to protect yourself to be professional, but that protection needs to come from a contract you are a party to. if your business partner wasn't your sister and you made such a demand you would be laughed at.
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as someone who’s been divorcing people for over 12 years, nta. i would, like others have said, talk to an attorney to figure out all the possible circumstances. consult with one that knows what they’re doing, and do research on them.
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yta for how you went about it. suggesting was okay, but going "i say either she gets a prenup or we transfer all property to my name (...)" is just ridiculous. get the paperwork sorted out so that your half is protected, but what she does with her half and her arrangement with her fh is none of your business.
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yta sorry. to suggest/advise is fine. to insist is not. there are other ways to protect your investment.
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yta - you can’t insist she get a prenup when it’s not your marriage. have you actually looked at laws with divorce regarding property owned before that’s not 100% theirs?
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.425021
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i property investors who own 6 investment properties together. i know how the internet feels about evil landlords, so spare me that please that's not why i'm here. we started with 1 house to live in then bought lots of cheap houses and flipped them for rental income. we're doing well financially bc of said houses. my sister is getting married. wedding is later this year, pandemonium dependent. im helping her plan and we were going through a to do list, seeing what's left to be done. she mentioned caterers, venue, invites etc and asked if she'd forgotten anything. i said yes - prenup and we both sang "we want prenup yeahh" like the kanye song then laughed. she moved on to the next item without actually addressing it. i leave it for then and we go our separate ways. i text her later in the evening "hey, my friend used a really good lawyer to draw her prenup so lmk if you want me to ask for her deets". she replies she thought i was joking, she's not asking her husband to sign a prenup. i reply i wasn't joking, and i must insist he signs one. she calls and says its not my place to insist. i say it is when our assets our tied together. she asks me if i'm trying to say something about her fh. i say i'm trying to be realistic and smart then it all goes to hell. she starts yelling at me about being rude, jinxing her marriage before it began yadayadayada. i say either she gets a prenup or we transfer all property to my name and i get one if i ever get married then i hang up. been bombarded by family saying her fh is a good guy who would "never do that" if they separated. he sent me a text admonishing me for hurting my sister and calling him a gold digger: he thought i liked him. im not backing down on this. aita for how i went about it or wanting one? tldr: my sister is getting married. we are property investor and i want her to get a prenup to protect our assets. she doesn't so im (trying) forcing her to.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i property investors who own 6 investment properties together. i know how the internet feels about evil landlords, so spare me that please that's not why i'm here. we started with 1 house to live in then bought lots of cheap houses and flipped them for rental income. we're doing well financially bc of said houses. my sister is getting married. wedding is later this year, pandemonium dependent. im helping her plan and we were going through a to do list, seeing what's left to be done. she mentioned caterers, venue, invites etc and asked if she'd forgotten anything. i said yes - prenup and we both sang "we want prenup yeahh" like the kanye song then laughed. she moved on to the next item without actually addressing it. i leave it for then and we go our separate ways. i text her later in the evening "hey, my friend used a really good lawyer to draw her prenup so lmk if you want me to ask for her deets". she replies she thought i was joking, she's not asking her husband to sign a prenup. i reply i wasn't joking, and i must insist he signs one. she calls and says its not my place to insist. i say it is when our assets our tied together. she asks me if i'm trying to say something about her fh. i say i'm trying to be realistic and smart then it all goes to hell. she starts yelling at me about being rude, jinxing her marriage before it began yadayadayada. i say either she gets a prenup or we transfer all property to my name and i get one if i ever get married then i hang up. been bombarded by family saying her fh is a good guy who would "never do that" if they separated. he sent me a text admonishing me for hurting my sister and calling him a gold digger: he thought i liked him. im not backing down on this. aita for how i went about it or wanting one? tldr: my sister is getting married. we are property investor and i want her to get a prenup to protect our assets. she doesn't so im (trying) forcing her to. [/INST] nah but have you seen a lawyer about your options though? surely there's some agreement you and your sister could sign that would at least protect your half of things. you're not the first person whose business partner has gotten married </s>
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AITA for getting angry at my(m29) girl friend (f28) for hiding that she speaks Spanish?
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my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much.
katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany.
katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed.
when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda.
when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing.
my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her.
on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated.
she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her.
i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?
| 8,234
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgqjvw/aita_for_getting_angry_at_mym29_girl_friend_f28/
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2022-06-20 17:14:27
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yta it sounds to me like you are more jealous of the fact that she can speak spanish. maybe do some digging on your own insecurity’s before getting upset with your gf over being bilingual. she asked you if you spoke spanish and you don’t so she didn’t have to speak it around you. if i were you i’d be more than thrilled that she was able to communicate with your family in what i’m assuming is a lot of their first language. she wasn’t hiding this big secret or doing it to be malicious or hurt you.
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yta. forget the language aspect (of which you never actually asked) but accusing her of “sneakily” making her way into your family? what does that even mean? if you truly like her, you should be happy that they do too. you’re projecting your personal family issues onto her and it may make you lose the relationship.
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[removed]
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yta. you never once asked her if she spoke spanish, and if she’s german, she presumably speaks german as well. many people in europe speak more than one language. she wasn’t being sneaky or disrespectful, you just hadn’t asked her which languages she can speak. you’re being butt hurt over nothing, and i wouldn’t expect any sort of apology from your likely now ex girlfriend
also
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huh?? dude you’re expecting her to call you apologizing for what? yta. she’s not keeping some big dark secret. you didint speak spanish, why would she be having conversations with you in spanish or mentioning it. it should be positive she can connect to your family. if you get angry and shout at her over this, i hope she runs far away from the relationship.
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hey. mexican here.
spanish was something that was required at home, but not extremely relevant at school for myself. i had to learn english and switch it to my primary language in order to move forward in academics, socialization, etc. along the way because of shit narratives and personal insecurities; i lost interest in my native language.
my spanish is extremely broken, i can understand when people speak spanish, i can respond in english and spanish, but my spoken spanish alone is still uncultivated. i admit i feel shame, guilt, and anger when i can't find the confidence to connect with my own raza. i'm no saint nor am i saying i've never been petty about this position before.
there's a lot to unpack for yourself here.. relationship dynamics, family dynamics, inner dynamics.. so i can see why you got mad..
fact of the matter is though.. that your partner most likely didn't bring up the fact that she speaks fluent spanish because of your own disconnection to your native tongue. you didn't want to be subjected to questions about your own choices, which i understand and respect. so did she.
the fact that she was more than willing to connect with your family on their own comfort level isn't something to be mad about and you know that. you're upset about your own choices, and it's okay to feel guilt about not being as excited, interested, passionate, or invested in your own culture when it comes to the language. she's not in the wrong for knowing another language, or for making sure your comfort was first and foremost, or for making sure that your family was comfortable engaging with her on a level she knew she could meet them in.
she wasn't being sneaky, vindictive, she didn't lie, nor did she have bad intentions. you're just insecure about your own choices and you have a lot of habits to break down for yourself and the longevity of your future relationships.
there's not a way to sugar coat it, you're in the wrong and you could do well with better awareness of yourself.
so, yta. for unjustly yelling, embarrassing, judging, and invalidating your (most likely ex) girlfriend just because she was being a wholesome and diverse individual.
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oh wow, so to summarize- 1-your family speaks spanish, you don’t. 2 - your new gf is from germany where being multi-linguistic is the norm. 3. she asked if you spoken spanish, never pushed your “no”. 4. she can watch spanish tv and seamlessly fit into your family at the first meeting prompting praising from the matriarch whom i will assume has high standards for her grandchildren’s partners. finally - you were embarrassed that you were caught off guard (never asking) and decided to take it out on her and actually act pretty petty and shitty.
you want an apology? dude, you just blew a seriously good thing.
edited for bc your are being ridiculous- i live in the midwest and i speak spanish (since 8th grade), farsi (usaf) and a bit of mandarin bc i wanted to learn.
second edit for judgement (i was reminded, thank you btw), if you haven’t guessed - giant, huge ridiculously big yta
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yta. this sounds like troll bait, but if it isn’t, i’m glad katia found out what you’re really like early in the relationship. your brother is right, you are a fool, and now you’re about to lose your gf.
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yta. you never asked if she spoke spanish. how does her speaking spanish with your family make you look bad exactly? your family sounds like they adore her and you're so caught up in your own inferiority complex to recognize you found a catch of a woman. of course she's not going to apologize, she didn't do anything wrong. you need to if you want to save this relationship.
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are you mad because you cant speak spanish, or because she can?
yta either way; you never asked so she never said anything. it's only been 3 months, it wouldve come up eventually if your relationship lasted longer (assuming she doesn't have to wait too long for you to apologize)
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much. katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany. katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed. when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda. when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing. my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her. on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated. she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her. i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much. katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany. katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed. when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda. when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing. my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her. on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated. she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her. i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language? [/INST] yta it sounds to me like you are more jealous of the fact that she can speak spanish. maybe do some digging on your own insecurity’s before getting upset with your gf over being bilingual. she asked you if you spoke spanish and you don’t so she didn’t have to speak it around you. if i were you i’d be more than thrilled that she was able to communicate with your family in what i’m assuming is a lot of their first language. she wasn’t hiding this big secret or doing it to be malicious or hurt you. </s>
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AITA for kicking my boyfriend's parents out of our apartment after his mom called me a bitch?
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back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst.
out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees.
i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out.
now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize.
| 27,873
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gon4bm/aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriends_parents_out_of_our/
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2020-05-22 17:00:28
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nta. and i would seriously consider a future with him if he's not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents.
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nta. why do you even stay with your boyfriend? he’s clearly choosing his mother over you every single time.
you should be kicking all three out
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nta you should probably kick your boyfriend out too, he sucks
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alright guys so my boyfriend and i just had a very long conversation. i admitted to him that i vented on reddit and i screen shotted a bunch of comments for him to read through. he was mostly silent for awhile and got a little emotional. eventually he asked me if i showed him all these comments because i was planning on leaving him. i told him no, i wasn't going to just dump him without giving him the chance to work through our issues if he was willing to. i explained to him that i understand his past trauma with his mother, but it doesn't make it okay for him to enable her to be abusive towards me. he agreed that he was in the wrong and he should have made a bigger effort to step in and defend me. he also apologized for asking me to call his mother and apologize. i told him that i wasn't going to make him choose between me and his mother, but if we were going to have a healthy relationship he would have to start going to therapy and he would have to confront his mother about her behavior. i told him i would stand by him and support him as he did it, but it was something he would have to do on his own. i told him that we were setting some hard boundaries and one of those boundaries would be that his parents are no longer allowed to stay with us. ever. he agreed that was for the best and admitted he's been miserable these past two months too. he mentioned that cutting off his family might be what is healthiest for his mental health and how that is something he would discuss with the psychiatrist when he goes. i told him that i was extremely hurt that not only was he willing to prioritize his mother over me, but he was willing to cause me pain to satiate her need for control. it bothered me a lot that he made me really feel like i was the asshole to the point that i made this post to try to gain perspective. after that he told me he would call his mother and request she apologize for treating me so poorly the past two months. honestly that is a really big step for him and i am very proud of him for that. it shows me that he is willing to work on his issues. i do think seeing a professional might help him process these emotions better and develop healthier coping mechanisms. overall, right now it seems like we're going to be okay relationship wise as long as he is committed to actually following through with his promises. thank you to everyone who commented!! you have been extremely helpful. i will keep you guys updates on any new developments.
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nta they were under your roof. they came unannounced (but what i've seen from this story i would think that your bf knew before and he said okay before telling you anything). they overstayed their welcome and tried to change your life style in your house. unacceptable.
i don't know how bad the heated argument was at the very end but she shouldn't have called you a bitch no matter what. they are the ones that need to apologize.
your boyfriend sucks. how dependent is he to his parents that he bends over backwards to ignore all the shit they do and ask you to apologize? just kick him to the curb next to his beloved parents too.
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nta - i'm having trouble figuring out who are the biggest assholes : your bf's parents for their obnoxious behavior or your bf for allowing it. i think i am going to go with the bf for demanding you be the one to apologize.
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nta. and holy shit, why are they even there in the first place if they have their own home? do not try to understand their perspective, it is horrifically flawed. i'd be having a serious talk with bf as well, he is clearly putting them well before you.
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nta - send the boyfriend with them since he is siding with them. you deserve better. it sounds like they were being rude guests.
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absolutely nta. it is your house and they are guests - basic respect for your rules is not too much to ask.
honestly, i would be rethinking my relationship with the boyfriend, too. he doesn't defend you and wants you to be uncomfortable in your own home to keep his parents happy. not to mention, do you really want to marry into a family that thinks it's okay to keep the house and 98 flippin' degrees?!
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nta. and i’d be breaking up.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst. out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees. i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out. now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst. out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees. i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out. now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize. [/INST] nta. and i would seriously consider a future with him if he's not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents. </s>
|
AITA for telling my brother in law that paternity tests aren't automatic
| 23,418
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gdr20t/aita_for_telling_my_brother_in_law_that_paternity/
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2020-05-05 04:23:48
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nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark.
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oh boy. nta because you didn’t do it on purpose so it’s literally impossible to be the ah. obviously the lying wife is the ah.
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lmao nta is this real? i cannot. poor guy, somebody needed to tell him
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nta. how the hell would you be the asshole? she's the one who cheated, christ. shooting the messenger. you didn't sabotage anything, you just said the truth.
also, assuming this is true, his wife is a friggin idiot. what was the point in requesting a paternity test?
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nta. so everybody suspected he was being cheated on and didn’t have the guts to tell him something was off until you mentioned? nope. his cheating spouse and everyone who kept this from him sucks.
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nta- you literally just told him a factual story about your birth experience. that’s it. that’s what you did.
the fact that there were extenuating circumstances that caused your bfs brother in law to come to a completely unrelated realization is absolutely not your fault or your problem. it’s not like you were intentionally trying to out his wife (which you’d arguably be justified in doing, albeit perhaps a bit nicer).
you had no idea the wife was cheating. you just noted something strange about his comments and shared your relevant experience.
he drew his own (correct) conclusions from that. frankly, i’m surprised he was finally able to figure out what that giant red cloth was doing, waving in his face.
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nta. you're the least person to be the asshole here. obviously your brother-in-law had a lot of anxiety about being the father of the child, and for good reasons. their happiness was based on very fragile foundations if learning about of hospital works can destroy it.
to blame you seems to be an easy way out for people who want to deviate from the matter at hand -- that has nothing to do with you. please don't let anyone make you the bad guy of this story, this wouldn't be healthy, for anyone.
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[removed]
|
nta
sounds like you did him a favor. but maybe get him something for him to get his mind off things. he is going through a rough time, he needs good family around him, and he seems to have very little of that naturally.
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info: why are they upset with you? what’s their reasoning?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark. </s>
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|
AITA for expecting my wife to help me pay back my student loans from her inheritance?
|
my wife is a sahm for our 2 kids and i work full-time as the sole income provider for the family. i am slowly working on paying back my student loans. my wife recently received a relatively large inheritance, about 5x the amount of my student loans.
a month after everything regarding the inheritance was settled, i talked with my wife about using the inheritance to pay off my loans. she refused to give me any of the money and said the inheritance belongs only to her. i told her that, yes, legally that's true but we are a family and we should share our resources to make our burdens easier. she disagreed and said my student loans pre-date our marriage and are my sole responsibility.
i felt like she was being unfair to our relationship and to us as a family, so the next day i told her that if she was not going to help me pay off her student loans, now that she has money i will not be paying for any expense that is solely hers (like clothes, eating out, flights, makeup, spas, new phone, etc.). instead i will be putting that money towards my loans to pay them back faster. she accused me of being controlling with money and abusing my position as the income earner but i don't see why i should be responsible for all that when she has her own money now?
aita?
| 9,726
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uyj14w/aita_for_expecting_my_wife_to_help_me_pay_back_my/
|
2022-05-26 22:16:24
|
esh
yeah, it would be sensible of her to use that money to help you with your loans to generally put your family in a better financial position.
yes, it's abusing your position as income-earner to deny her money for herself. unless you're paying her a salary for watching the children, then she is enabling you to make your salary and is entitled to money too.
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nta - and i say that as a sahm. you can’t have it both ways.
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esh... y'all are headed for divorce at this rate.
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info: you say your wife is a stay at home mom. are you paying her for what would be your half of the cost of childcare if she were working? if not, then you paying for her personal items is that compensation.
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i think you're both being childish about it, but the bigger issue here is why is she refusing to share her inheritance when it's 5x your loan amount? i could understand if it was close to the amount but she would still have a large inheritance, so something else is going on here. i understand why you came to your decision but you're married, now is not the time to be petty. esh and talk to your wife
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esh. a marriage should be a partnership. in yours, you bring in the money, she cares for the children and the house. noth valuable contributions. you shouldn't have had to ask. she should have offered to pay the loans as that would have allowed more money to the household and a more comfortable finantial position for both. the whole "my money is my money and your money is my money" is very selfish of her and why she is the asshole.
you on the other hand come off as both entitled and abusive. she didn't do as you wanted so you held the purse strings as a first reaction which makes me wonder that it wasn't the first time you used that. she doesn't work because she is caring for the children and the household. her personal expenses and items should then be considered part of the household. now, an inheritance doesn't mean she suddenly is independently wealthy and you still have a responsibility for the financial support since she is still providing her side of the bargain. maybe a good compromise there would've been putting most of the money in an investment plan for retirement or so she can have some income with the earninga if feasible (don't know the ammount).
regardless based on the attitude there... y'all heading for divorce territory.
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info: what are her plans with the money? is she putting away for children education, home purchase? or is she just hoarding it as hers and not the families
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nta. she should be looking at the inheritance as a way to lift up your whole family. your family will be better able to prosper when your student loans are paid off. i’m assuming that the degree for which you took out loans is the degree that allows you to be the sole income provider for your family. your wife reaps the benefit of that. it’s not good that she’s taking such an adversarial stance here. you’re supposed to be a team.
|
nta. you don’t have a problem giving her money for things outside of necessities, making it harder for you to pay off your loans, but she has a problem doing the same for you. it makes sense that you would stop giving her money for things that are not necessities while you pay off your loans.
|
here's a problem from her standpoint. she is a sahm. so she is totally dependent on his earnings and, and this is important, her work history and personal earning potential are taking a hit over it.
if she spends a chunk of this inheritance on his debts and he bails, she will be sol. whereas if she doesn't and he bails, she has more of a cushion.
|
ESH
|
NTA
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ESH
|
INFO
|
ESH
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ESH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.519381
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife is a sahm for our 2 kids and i work full-time as the sole income provider for the family. i am slowly working on paying back my student loans. my wife recently received a relatively large inheritance, about 5x the amount of my student loans. a month after everything regarding the inheritance was settled, i talked with my wife about using the inheritance to pay off my loans. she refused to give me any of the money and said the inheritance belongs only to her. i told her that, yes, legally that's true but we are a family and we should share our resources to make our burdens easier. she disagreed and said my student loans pre-date our marriage and are my sole responsibility. i felt like she was being unfair to our relationship and to us as a family, so the next day i told her that if she was not going to help me pay off her student loans, now that she has money i will not be paying for any expense that is solely hers (like clothes, eating out, flights, makeup, spas, new phone, etc.). instead i will be putting that money towards my loans to pay them back faster. she accused me of being controlling with money and abusing my position as the income earner but i don't see why i should be responsible for all that when she has her own money now? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife is a sahm for our 2 kids and i work full-time as the sole income provider for the family. i am slowly working on paying back my student loans. my wife recently received a relatively large inheritance, about 5x the amount of my student loans. a month after everything regarding the inheritance was settled, i talked with my wife about using the inheritance to pay off my loans. she refused to give me any of the money and said the inheritance belongs only to her. i told her that, yes, legally that's true but we are a family and we should share our resources to make our burdens easier. she disagreed and said my student loans pre-date our marriage and are my sole responsibility. i felt like she was being unfair to our relationship and to us as a family, so the next day i told her that if she was not going to help me pay off her student loans, now that she has money i will not be paying for any expense that is solely hers (like clothes, eating out, flights, makeup, spas, new phone, etc.). instead i will be putting that money towards my loans to pay them back faster. she accused me of being controlling with money and abusing my position as the income earner but i don't see why i should be responsible for all that when she has her own money now? aita? [/INST] esh yeah, it would be sensible of her to use that money to help you with your loans to generally put your family in a better financial position. yes, it's abusing your position as income-earner to deny her money for herself. unless you're paying her a salary for watching the children, then she is enabling you to make your salary and is entitled to money too. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my fiancé after she said she didn’t want my brother to attend our wedding
|
before i begin i would like to say that my english is not the best so i apologize for any mistakes i make.
as the title says, i got mad at my fiancé because she doesn’t want my brother to attend our wedding because he has downs syndrome. the other day when we were planning a few things about our wedding i mentioned that i wanted my brother to be the best man at the wedding to which my fiancé said that she didn’t want him to attend. at first i was very surprised at what she said because she always treated my brother better that most of the people that have met him and i actually thought she wasn’t serious but she went on to explain that he shouldn’t even come to the ceremony because all he does is ruin events like that (which isn’t true at all) and that it would be better without him there.
for the next few days this has been a matter of constant arguing between the two of us because she wants me to put her own wedding wishes above my brother. some of her family agrees with her that i should put her above my own brother but i just can’t accept that. my brother has been the best thing i’ve ever had and i’m not about to leave him out of my wedding because my wife thinks he would make things worse.
now, to make matters worse, some of her friends are accusing me of being selfish for this and that she’s right about my brother being a bad idea for the wedding. i’m actually considering ending things but that’s beyond the point i’m trying to make.
aita for getting mad at my fiancé after she said she didn’t want my brother to attend our wedding?
| 2,648
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/svzfgm/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_fiancé_after_she_said/
|
2022-02-19 02:41:19
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info: has he ever “ruined” in your gf’s words or has his disability caused him to act up or make a scene at an event
based on what you wrote so far, nta and your gf is a major ah. it would be disgusting of her to discriminate like that. but if he has done something in the past to warrant this request, then nah
|
>she went on to explain that he shouldn’t even come to the ceremony because all he does is ruin events like that (which isn’t true at all) and that it would be better without him there.
was she able to share any concrete examples of times where she felt he has ruined an event
|
nta
she just told you exactly who she is. believe her. your brother doesn't deserve that kind of discrimination by someone who is supposed to be becoming family.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.125
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: before i begin i would like to say that my english is not the best so i apologize for any mistakes i make. as the title says, i got mad at my fiancé because she doesn’t want my brother to attend our wedding because he has downs syndrome. the other day when we were planning a few things about our wedding i mentioned that i wanted my brother to be the best man at the wedding to which my fiancé said that she didn’t want him to attend. at first i was very surprised at what she said because she always treated my brother better that most of the people that have met him and i actually thought she wasn’t serious but she went on to explain that he shouldn’t even come to the ceremony because all he does is ruin events like that (which isn’t true at all) and that it would be better without him there. for the next few days this has been a matter of constant arguing between the two of us because she wants me to put her own wedding wishes above my brother. some of her family agrees with her that i should put her above my own brother but i just can’t accept that. my brother has been the best thing i’ve ever had and i’m not about to leave him out of my wedding because my wife thinks he would make things worse. now, to make matters worse, some of her friends are accusing me of being selfish for this and that she’s right about my brother being a bad idea for the wedding. i’m actually considering ending things but that’s beyond the point i’m trying to make. aita for getting mad at my fiancé after she said she didn’t want my brother to attend our wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
before i begin i would like to say that my english is not the best so i apologize for any mistakes i make. as the title says, i got mad at my fiancé because she doesn’t want my brother to attend our wedding because he has downs syndrome. the other day when we were planning a few things about our wedding i mentioned that i wanted my brother to be the best man at the wedding to which my fiancé said that she didn’t want him to attend. at first i was very surprised at what she said because she always treated my brother better that most of the people that have met him and i actually thought she wasn’t serious but she went on to explain that he shouldn’t even come to the ceremony because all he does is ruin events like that (which isn’t true at all) and that it would be better without him there. for the next few days this has been a matter of constant arguing between the two of us because she wants me to put her own wedding wishes above my brother. some of her family agrees with her that i should put her above my own brother but i just can’t accept that. my brother has been the best thing i’ve ever had and i’m not about to leave him out of my wedding because my wife thinks he would make things worse. now, to make matters worse, some of her friends are accusing me of being selfish for this and that she’s right about my brother being a bad idea for the wedding. i’m actually considering ending things but that’s beyond the point i’m trying to make. aita for getting mad at my fiancé after she said she didn’t want my brother to attend our wedding? [/INST] info: has he ever “ruined” in your gf’s words or has his disability caused him to act up or make a scene at an event based on what you wrote so far, nta and your gf is a major ah. it would be disgusting of her to discriminate like that. but if he has done something in the past to warrant this request, then nah </s>
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AITA for laughing at my SO during sex?
|
2 things first:
-she just got a smart watch.
-she is not the most active during sex
so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?"
her" not really, if that's okay"
me "okay" (continues in/out)
suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming.
me "what's up with that?"
her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long"
i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/....
| 32,117
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ahhlzx/aita_for_laughing_at_my_so_during_sex/
|
2019-01-19 01:51:58
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nta, if she can't see how funny that is.
😂😂😂😂😂
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nta - honestly, this is objectively funny, and a cute couple-y inside joke that i hope y'all can fondly look back on in the future. she should try to lighten up about this one.
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nta but apologize and make it clear you weren't laughing at her. some people are particularly vulnerable to feeling humiliated during sex.
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nta - that shit is funny. she can lighten up
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nta, but appologize to her to make her feel better.
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nta- omg. having a chuckle during sex is awesome. me and my wife (lesbians here) laugh during sex a bit. she once farted when she came and we about died laughing. she was embarrassed at first but i told her she farts around me all the time; she just had impeccable timing. lol. sex doesn’t always have to be like this romantic and serious thing.
explain that it was just funny, why you found it funny, and that you weren’t trying to make fun of her. she may just be really embarrassed and may take your laughing as something negative about her.
hope it work out bud.
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nah. you didn't intend to hurt her feelings. and this is next level perfect in terms of comedy.
however, you should consider her side. when a partner laughs during sex, it can come off as playful, or it can come off as bit mocking or cruel. obviously i haven't heard the laughter, but she could have felt very humiliated/mortified. having that happen during sex can be a powerfully negative experience. you should apologize and ask her to talk about how it made her feel.
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nta
she can't just starfish and then get mad when her watch calls her out on it. that's hilarious. maybe she'll up her game now.
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nta i laughed reading this
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lmao i think she’s just a little embarrassed and playing frowny face saves her ego. it’s funny and i’m sure she will see it that way one day.. even if she won’t admit it haha
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000485
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 2 things first: -she just got a smart watch. -she is not the most active during sex so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?" her" not really, if that's okay" me "okay" (continues in/out) suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming. me "what's up with that?" her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long" i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/....
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
2 things first: -she just got a smart watch. -she is not the most active during sex so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?" her" not really, if that's okay" me "okay" (continues in/out) suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming. me "what's up with that?" her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long" i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/.... [/INST] nta, if she can't see how funny that is. 😂😂😂😂😂 </s>
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AITA for not doing my boyfriend a favor because it's "women work"?
|
only use reddit on mobile so however it is gonna turn out for you computer users: i'm sorry.
recently, my boyfriend went on a trip with his guy friends. it's a yearly trip and in the past the mother of one of the guys used to make them a specific snack but was too old(? not entirely sure what the reason was) this year.
so one evening when we have had two or three beers already he told me about the snack and asked if i would do it for them. i have never made this specific food nor do i really like it. which i told him. i said something along the lines that i am wondering why they couldn't do it himself and that i would prefer making something different to which he didn't really say anything and dropped the topic.
my main reason why i didn't feel like doing it, is that he or one of his friends is perfectly capable to do it himself and i feel like i've only been asked because i am female. i don't even know his friends since they are all from different regions.
on the other hand it is only a small favor and to be honest cooking isn't one of his biggest strengths.
| 654
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ejjksc/aita_for_not_doing_my_boyfriend_a_favor_because/
|
2020-01-03 18:37:17
|
info
do you think your boyfriend is the type of person to ask you to do something because it's "women work"?
|
nta.
it is time for them to learn to make this snack for themselves. he totally asked you because you are female. even though he’s not a great cook, he can learn, or one of the other guys can do it!
or they can buy snacks. you are not his mom. if you start acting like his mom now, you’ll regret it for the length of your relationship.
|
i mean...., unless i'm missing a big part of the story, nah
he made a request.
you basically said no
he dropped it
if he pressed the issue and made it seem like "this is what you're supposed to do, so do it." or something along those lines, then it'd be a different situation.
he should learn to cook for himself unless it's already established in the relationship that you'll do all the cooking and he'll do all the dishes. something like that.
|
[deleted]
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nah
he perfectly okay asking and you’re perfectly okay declining.
you said he’s not much of a cook and you are—so to me this isn’t a “sexist” thing as much as a “i know you can do it better” thing.
so offer to help him make it? training him up in the kitchen has long term benefits!
|
get back into the kitchen and make me a sandwich already. /s
seriously, nta. was kind of on the fence about it because of lack of info but then i saw this comment
>he did say before that if he moves in with a woman he expects her to cook for him
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oh, oh, i want a wife that will cook for me too. nta, bf needs to come into the real world. ps i'm female, can my wife clean house and do laundry also?
|
[deleted]
|
info: do you have substantially more cooking experience than he does?
|
nah
you weren't wrong for not wanting to do him a favor when he was capable of doing it for himself and there wasn't any particular "need" for help. and he accepted your answer of 'no' and dropped it.
if you think that your boyfriend is sexist and asks you to do tasks because he thinks it's your job to cook and clean for him, then that's an entirely separate issue that you may want to address. but in this particular instance, it doesn't seem like anyone was an asshole.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NAH
| 0.074708
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: only use reddit on mobile so however it is gonna turn out for you computer users: i'm sorry. recently, my boyfriend went on a trip with his guy friends. it's a yearly trip and in the past the mother of one of the guys used to make them a specific snack but was too old(? not entirely sure what the reason was) this year. so one evening when we have had two or three beers already he told me about the snack and asked if i would do it for them. i have never made this specific food nor do i really like it. which i told him. i said something along the lines that i am wondering why they couldn't do it himself and that i would prefer making something different to which he didn't really say anything and dropped the topic. my main reason why i didn't feel like doing it, is that he or one of his friends is perfectly capable to do it himself and i feel like i've only been asked because i am female. i don't even know his friends since they are all from different regions. on the other hand it is only a small favor and to be honest cooking isn't one of his biggest strengths.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
only use reddit on mobile so however it is gonna turn out for you computer users: i'm sorry. recently, my boyfriend went on a trip with his guy friends. it's a yearly trip and in the past the mother of one of the guys used to make them a specific snack but was too old(? not entirely sure what the reason was) this year. so one evening when we have had two or three beers already he told me about the snack and asked if i would do it for them. i have never made this specific food nor do i really like it. which i told him. i said something along the lines that i am wondering why they couldn't do it himself and that i would prefer making something different to which he didn't really say anything and dropped the topic. my main reason why i didn't feel like doing it, is that he or one of his friends is perfectly capable to do it himself and i feel like i've only been asked because i am female. i don't even know his friends since they are all from different regions. on the other hand it is only a small favor and to be honest cooking isn't one of his biggest strengths. [/INST] info do you think your boyfriend is the type of person to ask you to do something because it's "women work"? </s>
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Aita for 'calling my sister ugly'?
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i (24f) have been modeling since i was 18, i love my work and i think it’s fun but it’s definitely not for everyone. for one, you have to have very thick skin because people are super honest and will just outright tell you what they don’t like about you. like i’ve been told that i’m ugly and “maybe i’d be pretty one day if i got like a nose job or something” your whole career is based around how you look so i can definitely be stressful sometimes.
my sister just turned 18 and she wants to get into modeling as well. my sister is gorgeous and i would definitely be able to help her get into the industry i just think it’s a bad idea. i love my sister to death but she is definitely insecure about how she looks and she can be sensitive. my sister is at a normal healthy weight for her height and age but would definitely be told to lose weight and i feel like that would really hurt her self confidence and self worth.
i told my sister that maybe modeling isn’t for her and she took at as me calling her ugly. my sister is very very pretty and would be a good model but shes just so sensitive. a girl at school once said she didn’t like her make up and she cried for a week about it. my sister now thinks i think shes ugly and i think i messed up. aita?
| 4,280
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfejrs/aita_for_calling_my_sister_ugly/
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2020-10-21 15:04:24
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nah you didn’t actually call her ugly. this is a great test for models. if you don’t have thick skin in the business you’ll likely fall victim to substance abuse and perhaps eating disorders. the industry has a way of weeding out the thin skinned people.
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nah
you're just trying to protect your sister from an industry that is known to put women down for their looks. maybe you should've communicated your points more clearly because your sister got the wrong idea from what you said.
you can think that she's not right for the job, but at the end of the day your sister is now an adult and should be treated as one. it's her decision whether she wants to model or not.
if she decides to model she will need your support and not your criticism as she will get the latter from everyone else.
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nah
you obviously didn't call her ugly and modeling is a job that not everyone is cut out for and she definitely sounds like she's not cut out for the constant judgement, negative feedback and sometimes flat-out wrong advice. (tons of very successful models have anecdotes about the bs they were told in their early days.)
your sister is in the wrong here, but i'm not going to label her an a-hole for her deep insecurities and sensitivity.
i would chalk it up to, "you've proven your point and there's nothing else to say about it."
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nta - but you could have elaborated better and explained to her what you explained to us.
you should talk to her and tell her that her reaction is exactly why you think she shouldn't get into modeling, that she needs to be able to take brutal criticism and let it roll off her and you would fear for her well being if someone sent her into a spiral from one comment, let alone the many she will receive no matter how beautiful she is. that she needs a very thick skin and a lot of self confidence to be in that industry or it can chew you up and spit you out as a husk of your former self.
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nta but literally explain all of that to her, tell her how ruthless they are and you are worried about her. once you give her the proper warnings it’s up to her to decide.
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info- what did you say? did you tell her that every single model, no matter how gorgeous, will be told they’re fat and ugly? and mention that she was so hurt by the make up comment that you worry the jerks in the industry would break her?
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nah
i think it just came across as you implying something or that is how she interpreted what you said. you should describe what you wrote about the harsh criticism to her, so she knows you want the best for her and it has nothing to do with you thinking she is “ugly”
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nah.
you need to talk to her about this. i’d talk about it from a protective older sister side of things.
be honest about how rough the industry is, explain how brutal people are, mention how it causes models to have eating disorders and body dysmorphia, and talk about how it personally impacted you. then tell her how you love her and would never want her to feel like that and you can’t protect her from it, which is why you recommend not going into it.
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nta, but you need much clearer communication! you need to be frank with your sister and tell her that modelling is a mean world and you worry that she won’t be able to manage the cruelty. remind her that you’re being protective.
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nah. you have good intentions and it's difficult getting past your elder sibling affection, but she isn't a baby.
being honest and candid is the best way to go. let her know how it is, but she still might not believe you. particularly if she has an inferiority complex, she will probably never believe you.
i would suggest slowly exposing her to the industry and the "dark side". when people comment on your instagram photos with horrible stuff, let her see and talk about how it makes you feel. let her read some of the blog posts about models who had a hard time and talk about their experiemces. let her shadow you on your shoots to see how it really is (however you can't predict how those agencies will pounce on her behind your back). if she wants to be in that life, you have to give her as realistic a glimpse as possible and let her decide if it's for her. be vulnerable and let her see it all, if you really want to protect her.
|
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.048
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (24f) have been modeling since i was 18, i love my work and i think it’s fun but it’s definitely not for everyone. for one, you have to have very thick skin because people are super honest and will just outright tell you what they don’t like about you. like i’ve been told that i’m ugly and “maybe i’d be pretty one day if i got like a nose job or something” your whole career is based around how you look so i can definitely be stressful sometimes. my sister just turned 18 and she wants to get into modeling as well. my sister is gorgeous and i would definitely be able to help her get into the industry i just think it’s a bad idea. i love my sister to death but she is definitely insecure about how she looks and she can be sensitive. my sister is at a normal healthy weight for her height and age but would definitely be told to lose weight and i feel like that would really hurt her self confidence and self worth. i told my sister that maybe modeling isn’t for her and she took at as me calling her ugly. my sister is very very pretty and would be a good model but shes just so sensitive. a girl at school once said she didn’t like her make up and she cried for a week about it. my sister now thinks i think shes ugly and i think i messed up. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) have been modeling since i was 18, i love my work and i think it’s fun but it’s definitely not for everyone. for one, you have to have very thick skin because people are super honest and will just outright tell you what they don’t like about you. like i’ve been told that i’m ugly and “maybe i’d be pretty one day if i got like a nose job or something” your whole career is based around how you look so i can definitely be stressful sometimes. my sister just turned 18 and she wants to get into modeling as well. my sister is gorgeous and i would definitely be able to help her get into the industry i just think it’s a bad idea. i love my sister to death but she is definitely insecure about how she looks and she can be sensitive. my sister is at a normal healthy weight for her height and age but would definitely be told to lose weight and i feel like that would really hurt her self confidence and self worth. i told my sister that maybe modeling isn’t for her and she took at as me calling her ugly. my sister is very very pretty and would be a good model but shes just so sensitive. a girl at school once said she didn’t like her make up and she cried for a week about it. my sister now thinks i think shes ugly and i think i messed up. aita? [/INST] nah you didn’t actually call her ugly. this is a great test for models. if you don’t have thick skin in the business you’ll likely fall victim to substance abuse and perhaps eating disorders. the industry has a way of weeding out the thin skinned people. </s>
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AITA for teasing my wife about finally catching her shitting?
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ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter.
she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done.
well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again.
every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her.
| 16,951
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgiexb/aita_for_teasing_my_wife_about_finally_catching/
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2019-07-22 20:19:12
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yta. dude, come on. you know this kind of stuff embarrasses her. she was mortified when you walked in on her. she continued to be mortified when you brought it up. and you still kept doing it! you made your wife cry! that’s not harmless teasing. that’s outright bullying.
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yta.. your wife had an *emergency* section, and had trouble recovering, and your response as her husband was to make fun of her while she was struggling to recover from major abdominal surgery on top of a traumatic birth experience and to continue to make fun of her for it because you, the person who *didn't* have surgery, think she should be over it. if this is real, asshole doesn't even *begin* to cover what you are, tbh.
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yta. i had an emergency c-section and let me tell you - that is some of the worst pain you can experience. did you know... they gutted me like a deer, put all my innards on a sterile tray, for an intern to eyeball? then sorta... dumped it all back in after my daughter was removed? i said gutted me like a deer - i don't actually know. they put me under. my husband was in the room though and saw it all. said it was just like seeing a deer gutted, except everything was left attached to me, and then everything was poured back in the hole.
&#x200b;
then i almost bled to death after they stitched me up - uterine atony.
&#x200b;
then i couldn't sit up, couldn't nurse my daughter, couldn't shower on my own, couldn't shit or piss on my own, couldn't lift anything for weeks, couldn't cough or laugh without feeling like i was being ripped in half, couldn't drive for i think 30 days?
&#x200b;
do you have any idea what that kind of pain, helplessness, the stress of a new baby, with a dose of post-partum hormones is like? it's devastating.
&#x200b;
you wife is already very private when it comes to body functions, but you 'cornered her at her most vulnerable about something as childish as pooping... and then you still keep rubbing salt in the wounds instead of being a strong, mature man and being your wife's partner. instead, you chose to ridicule her when she was in one of the most painful, lowest places a woman can find herself in.
&#x200b;
you sir, are a massive asshole.
&#x200b;
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good job humiliating the recently traumatized mother of your child, ta!
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i'm shocked...yes yta
god i'm shocked you didn't stop the first time, she obviously doesn't like you teasing her about something she finds embarrassing and you kept bringing it up? stop teasing her about that, she's not comfortable about it and you need to respect that. you can tease her about other stuff just don't tease about that at all.
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yta - my husband does this shit to me and it's driven me to to the brink of leaving him more than once. you're trying to make yourself feel better about it by minimizing how it makes her feel. knock it off. apologize, and don't bring it up again.
by "this shit", i mean making a joke that to him seems like "no big deal" but to me, it is truly bothersome. he thinks that i should feel the way he does about jokes like that, but i don't feel okay about the joke. at some point it goes from you made a mistake by making an unfunny joke, to you just being a straight-up bully about it.
stop trying to make joke acceptable. just stop.
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yta, that poor woman is stuck with you??? holy shit this is borderline abusive how cruel you are.
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yta. your wife, who just had your child, has been through a traumatic delivery. she is physically recovering from surgery and a new mom. that you have the time and need to come to reddit to ask if mocking her bowel movements makes you the asshole, you may want to rethink why you find her loss of dignity and privacy so humorous.
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yta - when the joke is making someone uncomfortable, just drop it
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yta
you know this upsets her and yet you do it anyway. are you 12 years old???
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter. she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done. well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again. every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter. she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done. well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again. every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her. [/INST] yta. dude, come on. you know this kind of stuff embarrasses her. she was mortified when you walked in on her. she continued to be mortified when you brought it up. and you still kept doing it! you made your wife cry! that’s not harmless teasing. that’s outright bullying. </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to let my kids go on a trip that my brother planned
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my 3 daughters are 15, 12, and 10. my brother has kids who are around the same age. my brother makes good money and likes to take my family and his on a trip every summer. this year, he wanted to go to cedar point for a few days. i thought that sounded fun, and i told my husband and our daughters. they were ecstatic about it, and they were talking about it nonstop.
my brother called me yesterday and told me he was able to make reservations, but there was a glaring problem. he said due to late planning (which he admitted to), the best he could do was the end of september for the trip. he said he got the rooms from wednesday to sunday. i brought it up to my husband and he said nope nope nope nope. girls aren’t going. he said they will not be missing school for 3 days in september for this trip. i agree with him, i don’t really want to pull the girls out of school for this.
i know they will be devastated, and i don’t know how to tell them. part of me is on the fence about it just because i know how hurt they will be. especially when their cousins come over and talk about how much fun they had. but my husband is standing firm and saying no. he said they will be hurt and upset but they will get over it.
background: my husband grew up with parents who never let him miss school, he claims he was sent to school with a fever multiple times. he’s not that tough on our daughters, if they are sick he understands. but he will not let them miss school for a vacation. he said maybe we can take the girls to the nearest six flags this summer to “make it up to them”.
i don’t know what to do.
edit wow! thanks for all the input! i cannot believe this is blowing up! after reading so many of your responses, i do want my kids to go. i think they can figure it out with school work beforehand. let’s see how this goes over with dad, fingers crossed!
| 1,845
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/obncql/wibta_for_refusing_to_let_my_kids_go_on_a_trip/
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2021-07-01 14:46:35
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nah, but i would let them go. they will remember that you didn't, they wouls remember the trip if they went, but those three days will be insignificant.
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yta. missing three days of school for a trip they’re really excited about isn’t going to mess with their academic performance. especially since it’s at the start of the year when things usually aren’t moving too quickly anyway. they can always make up work but they can’t make up fun memories with family. besides, you already said they could go. it would be a little better if you hadn’t already agreed to the trip but they’re gonna be crushed if you go back on your word now after they’ve been looking forward to it. i missed school for vacations and family events plenty as a kid and it never really impacted my grades. i understand that your husband’s parents didn’t let him take a break but that’s unhealthy and unsustainable.
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nah, but consider letting them go. as someone who works in education, missing 3 days of school (especially if you speak to teachers ahead of time to arrange them making up any missed work) isn't going to destroy their grades or anything. they can go, have a good time, have fond memories of the trip, and then come back and make up any missed schoolwork.
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yta. there will always be more opportunities to go to class and make up work, don’t take away these fun and memorable experiences for them. kids never forget, they will always remember y’all choosing school over a vacation.
|
ywbta
sorry op, but if you do decide to not take them, then the daughters will be devastated and they will start to resent you for quite a while.
i get where you're coming from, but it's only 3 days of school.
in my school, every now and then there would be a student who would take 2-4 days off school for a family trip.
i'd recommend to take them, and ask her friends / classmates for the missed work. once they arrive home.
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nah but i really don't get the idea of not allowing kids to miss school every once in a while. it's for a vacation so they can have fun, i think you should let them go unless you're rightfully concerned they will far very far behind. but it sounds like your husband doesn't want them to miss based off the principle of it.
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let the kids go. it’s the beginning of the year and what they may learn in those three days are far less important than the memories they can make with their cousins. they can make up the work.
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yta. their grades will survive missing three days of the beginning of the school year. they can make the work up. a family trip with their cousins is more memorable than a few days of school. kids miss school for family vacations all the time, i don’t get why your husband is so uptight about this.
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it’s 3 days. the trip will create experiences, memories and quality of life. missing 3 days of grade school is meaningless. long after grade school is in their past the trip will remain, a reminder of enjoying life and living with other people. trust me, nobody gives a shit about grade school in the long run but everybody loves life-enriching experiences. teach your children to prioritize life, not 72 hours of sitting at a desk… they’ll get enough of that when they enter the work force.
think about it.
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three days of school will not make any difference in the greater scheme of things, but missing out on the yearly vacation with their cousins will.
making memories and building family bonds is very important and will continue to benefit your children for years to come, perfect attendance might get them an honorable mention at graduation.
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| null |
YTA
| null | null | 0.30677
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 3 daughters are 15, 12, and 10. my brother has kids who are around the same age. my brother makes good money and likes to take my family and his on a trip every summer. this year, he wanted to go to cedar point for a few days. i thought that sounded fun, and i told my husband and our daughters. they were ecstatic about it, and they were talking about it nonstop. my brother called me yesterday and told me he was able to make reservations, but there was a glaring problem. he said due to late planning (which he admitted to), the best he could do was the end of september for the trip. he said he got the rooms from wednesday to sunday. i brought it up to my husband and he said nope nope nope nope. girls aren’t going. he said they will not be missing school for 3 days in september for this trip. i agree with him, i don’t really want to pull the girls out of school for this. i know they will be devastated, and i don’t know how to tell them. part of me is on the fence about it just because i know how hurt they will be. especially when their cousins come over and talk about how much fun they had. but my husband is standing firm and saying no. he said they will be hurt and upset but they will get over it. background: my husband grew up with parents who never let him miss school, he claims he was sent to school with a fever multiple times. he’s not that tough on our daughters, if they are sick he understands. but he will not let them miss school for a vacation. he said maybe we can take the girls to the nearest six flags this summer to “make it up to them”. i don’t know what to do. edit wow! thanks for all the input! i cannot believe this is blowing up! after reading so many of your responses, i do want my kids to go. i think they can figure it out with school work beforehand. let’s see how this goes over with dad, fingers crossed!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my 3 daughters are 15, 12, and 10. my brother has kids who are around the same age. my brother makes good money and likes to take my family and his on a trip every summer. this year, he wanted to go to cedar point for a few days. i thought that sounded fun, and i told my husband and our daughters. they were ecstatic about it, and they were talking about it nonstop. my brother called me yesterday and told me he was able to make reservations, but there was a glaring problem. he said due to late planning (which he admitted to), the best he could do was the end of september for the trip. he said he got the rooms from wednesday to sunday. i brought it up to my husband and he said nope nope nope nope. girls aren’t going. he said they will not be missing school for 3 days in september for this trip. i agree with him, i don’t really want to pull the girls out of school for this. i know they will be devastated, and i don’t know how to tell them. part of me is on the fence about it just because i know how hurt they will be. especially when their cousins come over and talk about how much fun they had. but my husband is standing firm and saying no. he said they will be hurt and upset but they will get over it. background: my husband grew up with parents who never let him miss school, he claims he was sent to school with a fever multiple times. he’s not that tough on our daughters, if they are sick he understands. but he will not let them miss school for a vacation. he said maybe we can take the girls to the nearest six flags this summer to “make it up to them”. i don’t know what to do. edit wow! thanks for all the input! i cannot believe this is blowing up! after reading so many of your responses, i do want my kids to go. i think they can figure it out with school work beforehand. let’s see how this goes over with dad, fingers crossed! [/INST] nah, but i would let them go. they will remember that you didn't, they wouls remember the trip if they went, but those three days will be insignificant. </s>
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AITA for not caring for a child I said I wouldn't care for?
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throwaway for privacy.
i (28f) am childfree, i don't even really like kids. my sister (23f amber) has a kid and because it's a pretty close knit family she's pretty used to everyone pitching in to help. she said she was going out for a few hours and was stopping at my house to pick up a package delivered to me by mistake (we have the same street number on similar sounding streets - think 25 hursh and 25 hurst so this happens pretty often).
when amber got to my house she put down her kid and said "thanks for watching him by the way" i asked her what she was talking about, she said she was thanking me for watching her kid as well. i said that i never agreed to it and was not okay with that but she said "we're sisters, family helps family" and ended up leaving.
so i didn't. i left the kid right in my entryway where amber left him and just went about my day. i didn't leave the house or anything but i said i'm not a babysitter and i wasn't one. well, amber got mad at me when she came back four hours later and the kid had a full diaper and was crying when he saw her. i told her i said i wasn't watching her kid and she's lucky i didn't call the police, but amber said that not wanting to babysit doesn't mean you don't do it.
the entire family sides with her and amber says she's cutting me off until i apologize and make more of an effort with "my nephew". i've gotten nasty messages from relatives galore and the only one who doesn't think me a raging bitch is my dad who doesn't involve at all in family drama. i do love my sister and understand family is family but am i really ta for not doing a job i expressly said i don't want?
| 15,722
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wb7bgd/aita_for_not_caring_for_a_child_i_said_i_wouldnt/
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2022-07-29 15:12:08
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esh. you left a baby unsupervised for 4 hours ?!?!?! no matter what point you were trying to prove, are you really willing to risk the life of a baby to make it ?!?!?!
the only good solution here was to tell her you wouldn't take care of the kid and tell her that if she leaves, you'll call the police.
# then you call the police when she leaves.
you don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours. even if your sister sucks. you don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours to prove a point.
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esh. yes your sister should have obviously asked you to see if you can babysit her kid.
but you left a kid with a full diaper unattended for roughly four hours in your own home in your entryway?!?!
inexcusable behavior. grow up.
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sister doesn't get to dump a kid without consent. you don't leave a baby in its own shit to prove a point. esh. everyone but the baby.
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yta. you let a child suffer because of your sisters actions.
you pick up the phone and call her, you call other family, you call the police, you do not get to leave a child who is unable to feed or even go to the bathroom by himself for 4 hours and then act like the innocent party.
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yta. you punished a tiny baby for the actions of an adult.
punishing the innocent is always an asshole move. doing it to a literal infant in diapers is unconscionable. you should be ashamed of yourself
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esh. there's isn't a better way for two adults to handle this situation than to leave a diaper-wearing toddler alone on a porch for hours? wish i could call the police on both of you.
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[removed]
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yta
why the hell did you not call the police?? or your mother? yes your sister is a selfish asshole but you are much worse.
cruel. very cruel.
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esh she's an asshole for not asking if you would take care of the kid, but you are a huge asshole for just leaving a helpless child to fend for itself like that.
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esh. entitled of your sister, negligent and irresponsible to leave her child with someone who never consented or planned on watching the baby. that is what i consider to be bad parenting and her assumption that her child would receive good care because “hey it’s family” shows a level of absolute delusion since family doesn’t guarantee proper childcare.
you suck for punishing your sister by punishing her child by not feeding, changing, comforting, etc the baby. also you could have potentially killed her child from negligence and i hope you would have been willing to live with yourself. to not even make sure that a baby was getting proper care even if it’s not with you is a new kind of level of “childless”. being childless doesn’t mean you need to be cold hearted and callous with a baby’s safety, especially when they can’t fend for themselves.
you should have told your sister that if she left the child with you without your consent you would contact the police to report an abandoned baby. at least at that point the child would have been taken care of and your sister would have a clear boundary that she would either have to deal with the police for leaving her child without proper care or respect your boundaries.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.026189
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for privacy. i (28f) am childfree, i don't even really like kids. my sister (23f amber) has a kid and because it's a pretty close knit family she's pretty used to everyone pitching in to help. she said she was going out for a few hours and was stopping at my house to pick up a package delivered to me by mistake (we have the same street number on similar sounding streets - think 25 hursh and 25 hurst so this happens pretty often). when amber got to my house she put down her kid and said "thanks for watching him by the way" i asked her what she was talking about, she said she was thanking me for watching her kid as well. i said that i never agreed to it and was not okay with that but she said "we're sisters, family helps family" and ended up leaving. so i didn't. i left the kid right in my entryway where amber left him and just went about my day. i didn't leave the house or anything but i said i'm not a babysitter and i wasn't one. well, amber got mad at me when she came back four hours later and the kid had a full diaper and was crying when he saw her. i told her i said i wasn't watching her kid and she's lucky i didn't call the police, but amber said that not wanting to babysit doesn't mean you don't do it. the entire family sides with her and amber says she's cutting me off until i apologize and make more of an effort with "my nephew". i've gotten nasty messages from relatives galore and the only one who doesn't think me a raging bitch is my dad who doesn't involve at all in family drama. i do love my sister and understand family is family but am i really ta for not doing a job i expressly said i don't want?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for privacy. i (28f) am childfree, i don't even really like kids. my sister (23f amber) has a kid and because it's a pretty close knit family she's pretty used to everyone pitching in to help. she said she was going out for a few hours and was stopping at my house to pick up a package delivered to me by mistake (we have the same street number on similar sounding streets - think 25 hursh and 25 hurst so this happens pretty often). when amber got to my house she put down her kid and said "thanks for watching him by the way" i asked her what she was talking about, she said she was thanking me for watching her kid as well. i said that i never agreed to it and was not okay with that but she said "we're sisters, family helps family" and ended up leaving. so i didn't. i left the kid right in my entryway where amber left him and just went about my day. i didn't leave the house or anything but i said i'm not a babysitter and i wasn't one. well, amber got mad at me when she came back four hours later and the kid had a full diaper and was crying when he saw her. i told her i said i wasn't watching her kid and she's lucky i didn't call the police, but amber said that not wanting to babysit doesn't mean you don't do it. the entire family sides with her and amber says she's cutting me off until i apologize and make more of an effort with "my nephew". i've gotten nasty messages from relatives galore and the only one who doesn't think me a raging bitch is my dad who doesn't involve at all in family drama. i do love my sister and understand family is family but am i really ta for not doing a job i expressly said i don't want? [/INST] esh. you left a baby unsupervised for 4 hours ?!?!?! no matter what point you were trying to prove, are you really willing to risk the life of a baby to make it ?!?!?! the only good solution here was to tell her you wouldn't take care of the kid and tell her that if she leaves, you'll call the police. # then you call the police when she leaves. you don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours. even if your sister sucks. you don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours to prove a point. </s>
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AITA for walking out of a gender reveal party?
|
my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5).
she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party.
the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light
up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender.
we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking.
so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl.
i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips.
i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing.
i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered.
my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house.
i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12.
i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours.
aita?
| 16,573
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0a0xf/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_gender_reveal_party/
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2020-07-29 22:18:04
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yta
>i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips.
no one is stopping you from tossing a ball with your daughter, or from camping with them, or encouraging them to participate in sports. you are the one stopping them from this.
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yta and a ridiculous sexist. the "neuroticism" you're experiencing from your 5 year old? are you kidding? get over yourself. as hard as your life is being a girl dad, being an actual girl is much harder. mostly due to men like you
you're afraid of being outnumbered? maybe try learning to respect women and girls so you don't have to be afraid of them.
you need therapy.
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huge yta. you’re welcoming a new child into the world, and already disappointed in this child for something she can’t control.
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yta. do you think you can’t toss a ball around with your daughter?
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congratulations on the expansion of your family!!!!
also, **yta**. if you weren't prepared to be happy in front of a crowd in the case of either gender, you should have never allowed a gender reveal party to happen. come on now. you know this.
were there any little pink and blue umbrellas at this party? if so, gather a bunch and huddle under, because you're about to get stuck in a thunderstorm of ytas. i feel like you know this, too.
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yta. hoping for a boy is one thing. literally walking out on your wife for a gender reveal party is another. you were extremely unsupportive and if you're that upset that you're having another daughter, then you shouldn't have had another child in the first place. disgusting.
|
yta,
bitter disappointment?? uhhh....your sperm is the determining factor as to whether your baby was going to be a boy or a girl. you've shot girls twice now. the fact that you are going to be solidly outnumbered is completely on you.
because......science. it's real!!
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yta. and from what i can read, a misogynist too. “double up on the neuroticism”. really? also, you do realize girls can also play little league and “toss a ball around” with you? and can also join the scouts? dude. grow up.
|
yta.
you know girls can play sports too?
"can't imagine myself outnumbered" are you kidding me? smfh.
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yta. if you hate women this much, you shouldn't be allowed to be around them let alone raise them. i feel awful for your wife and your daughters.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5). she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party. the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender. we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking. so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl. i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing. i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered. my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house. i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12. i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5). she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party. the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender. we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking. so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl. i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing. i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered. my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house. i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12. i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours. aita? [/INST] yta >i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. no one is stopping you from tossing a ball with your daughter, or from camping with them, or encouraging them to participate in sports. you are the one stopping them from this. </s>
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AITA for agreeing to be a groomsman for my BIL's wedding even though my wife doesn't approve of the marriage and is boycotting the wedding?
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so, i (37m) have been married to my wife (36f) for just over a decade. we have three kids together; one daugter and two sons. she has a younger brother who's 31. just weeks after i started dating his sister he and i hit it off and became fast friends; hunting, fishing, off-roading, etc. i think of him as my little brother.
anyway when he was still in his early twenties he ended up getting a girl pregnant. after getting pressured by both my in-laws as well as her family he ended up marrying her, but it was a mistake. he never loved her, he was never all that into her. they just got together one night out of boredom and ended up producing a child. but as far as both families were concerned that was it; they needed to get married and start and maintain a family. his ex was actually fine with it, but he wasn't. i think she loved him, but he never loved her. he loved the son that they had together, but not her. but my wife absolutely loved her and thought that she was the best thing that ever happened to her younger brother.
anyway, he ended up having an affair with his now fiancee. it was wrong, obviously, but he was just so unhappy and according to what he told me he felt so trapped. eventually once the affair was found out it led to the end of his marriage. fast forward a couple of years and now he is getting married to "the other woman". they've asked my wife and me to be a bridesmaid and groomsman. my wife has categorically refused. she says that she refuses to endorse their relationship that started out under bad circumstances and refuses to send the message to her nephew that she thinks it's ok that his father cheated on his mom. my wife wants me to also boycott the wedding but i won't; i've told my bil (and good friend) that i will absolutely be in his wedding, whether my wife is there or not. i know that what he did to his ex was wrong, but they never should have been married in the first place, and he's my friend and i want him to be happy, and i know he is with his current fiancee. aita?
| 6,288
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qg3sum/aita_for_agreeing_to_be_a_groomsman_for_my_bils/
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2021-10-26 10:55:25
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nah. i can understand your wife's stance on this - you say "he's my friend and i want him to be happy," and she feels the same way about her ex-sil and her nephew, whom your bil made very sad. i can understand your stance too, and it's probably the one i'd take - bygones and all that.
but i think you need to ask yourself whether you're prepared for the permanent breach it may cause with your wife. if there's a way to do handle this more sensitively, pursue it. you owe your wife understanding as well as your brother-in-law.
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yta
these comments are bizarre. full of sympathy for a man who cheated on his wife for ages because he was a coward and a liar, based only on op's version of events. no sympathy for his wife and child. nobody clocking the fact that if his wife isn't defending her own brother, it's probably because he has caused such substantial amounts of pain to other people that she can't justify it.
you have sent a very clear message to your wife. that you will help, support and defend a cheater as long as the reason for cheating is good enough...and in this case that amazing reason for cheating was uh "bil wasn't happy enough, and rather than being straightforward and honest and breaking up, he chose to hurt two innocent people instead." can you even imagine the conclusion she is drawing about your marriage right now, that if you decided to cheat...then you would (and bil would hide it from her in support of his "bro").
loving your gross speculation btw about how ex wife was fine with a pressured marriage because you *think* she loved him...you clearly never knew or cared about her, so why are you trying to insist on her state of mind?
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yta. do you want your wife to think you're cheating on her? because this is how you get your wife to think you're cheating on her. you want to go this wedding you need to do *serious* damage control with your wife, because you're setting yourself up as the pro-adultery party, and that's not something she's going to look kindly on.
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yta. if you go, you will create a rift in your marriage. don’t jeopardize your marriage for an adulterer.
being in an unhappy marriage does not excuse cheating.
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yta, your bil cheated on his wife and is now marrying the other woman. instead of being an adult and divorcing his wife, he finds someone else to be with before leaving her. i do not think he loves his son, if he did he would have thought about the pain he was going to cause his son by cheating on his wife. he would have divorced his wife before starting a new life.
just think if your good friend will cheat on his wife to be happy, what will he do to you to be happy. you want to depend on that type of person. you want to stand beside that type of person.
you state you know what he did was wrong so how did he make amends for his actions? i doubt he has done anything. he hurt and damage his son. you should really think about who is your good friend.
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yta
stop making your bil/best friend a victim. he is an adult and could have divorced his wife if he was so unhappy rather than being a cheater. you also not being very subtle about how you feel about his ex wife, you think she trapped him with a baby. according to you he is a victim and his ex wife is to blame for everything, trapped him with a baby, made him very unhappy and ultimately forced him to cheat on her. poor bil🙄
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info: when did you find out about the infidelity? were you helping him keep his affair a secret, or did you find out when the betrayed spouse found out?
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nah. just different views on how to deal with an issue that's fraught with complication.
you are making a lot of excuses for a grown man who cheated instead of ending a relationship properly, though.
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oh poor baby bil who just wasn’t responsible in getting someone else pregnant, oh poor baby bil who just couldn’t say no when they tried to get them married, oh poor bil who accidentally fell into someone else’s vagina, everyone saying n t a acting like he’s some big baby who cannot make his own choices? god i would actually consider leaving you if i was your wife knowing this is what you think, disgusting of a human being your bil and you are for not telling him how horrible he is being
yta
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yta. you excuse the affair. why. it's never right to chat on someone. if your done then end it respectfully.
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
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NAH
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NTA
|
YTA
| 0.276521
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i (37m) have been married to my wife (36f) for just over a decade. we have three kids together; one daugter and two sons. she has a younger brother who's 31. just weeks after i started dating his sister he and i hit it off and became fast friends; hunting, fishing, off-roading, etc. i think of him as my little brother. anyway when he was still in his early twenties he ended up getting a girl pregnant. after getting pressured by both my in-laws as well as her family he ended up marrying her, but it was a mistake. he never loved her, he was never all that into her. they just got together one night out of boredom and ended up producing a child. but as far as both families were concerned that was it; they needed to get married and start and maintain a family. his ex was actually fine with it, but he wasn't. i think she loved him, but he never loved her. he loved the son that they had together, but not her. but my wife absolutely loved her and thought that she was the best thing that ever happened to her younger brother. anyway, he ended up having an affair with his now fiancee. it was wrong, obviously, but he was just so unhappy and according to what he told me he felt so trapped. eventually once the affair was found out it led to the end of his marriage. fast forward a couple of years and now he is getting married to "the other woman". they've asked my wife and me to be a bridesmaid and groomsman. my wife has categorically refused. she says that she refuses to endorse their relationship that started out under bad circumstances and refuses to send the message to her nephew that she thinks it's ok that his father cheated on his mom. my wife wants me to also boycott the wedding but i won't; i've told my bil (and good friend) that i will absolutely be in his wedding, whether my wife is there or not. i know that what he did to his ex was wrong, but they never should have been married in the first place, and he's my friend and i want him to be happy, and i know he is with his current fiancee. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i (37m) have been married to my wife (36f) for just over a decade. we have three kids together; one daugter and two sons. she has a younger brother who's 31. just weeks after i started dating his sister he and i hit it off and became fast friends; hunting, fishing, off-roading, etc. i think of him as my little brother. anyway when he was still in his early twenties he ended up getting a girl pregnant. after getting pressured by both my in-laws as well as her family he ended up marrying her, but it was a mistake. he never loved her, he was never all that into her. they just got together one night out of boredom and ended up producing a child. but as far as both families were concerned that was it; they needed to get married and start and maintain a family. his ex was actually fine with it, but he wasn't. i think she loved him, but he never loved her. he loved the son that they had together, but not her. but my wife absolutely loved her and thought that she was the best thing that ever happened to her younger brother. anyway, he ended up having an affair with his now fiancee. it was wrong, obviously, but he was just so unhappy and according to what he told me he felt so trapped. eventually once the affair was found out it led to the end of his marriage. fast forward a couple of years and now he is getting married to "the other woman". they've asked my wife and me to be a bridesmaid and groomsman. my wife has categorically refused. she says that she refuses to endorse their relationship that started out under bad circumstances and refuses to send the message to her nephew that she thinks it's ok that his father cheated on his mom. my wife wants me to also boycott the wedding but i won't; i've told my bil (and good friend) that i will absolutely be in his wedding, whether my wife is there or not. i know that what he did to his ex was wrong, but they never should have been married in the first place, and he's my friend and i want him to be happy, and i know he is with his current fiancee. aita? [/INST] nah. i can understand your wife's stance on this - you say "he's my friend and i want him to be happy," and she feels the same way about her ex-sil and her nephew, whom your bil made very sad. i can understand your stance too, and it's probably the one i'd take - bygones and all that. but i think you need to ask yourself whether you're prepared for the permanent breach it may cause with your wife. if there's a way to do handle this more sensitively, pursue it. you owe your wife understanding as well as your brother-in-law. </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to check on me while playing video games?
|
my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online.
a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing.
it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
| 25,533
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnn6gj/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_check_on_me_while/
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2020-07-08 19:03:54
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nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!)
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nta i think that’s a fair compromise for him playing wow 5 nights a week for four hours
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nta. i don’t know much about wow, but every game has some kind of breaking point in it that leaves time to go and do little things (like going to the bathroom). all you’re asking for is some peace of mind that he, as your husband, should be happy to do for you.
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nta, there's a story somewhere on reddit about a guy upstairs playing games with noise cancelling headphones. people broke in and attacked his wife (possibly sexually assaulted her, i can't remember). this is a totally valid request.
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nta: i do it all the time for my wife, don’t see why he can’t.
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nta. this is a basic courtesy you are asking for from someone who is your partner and is supposed to care for you.
it's funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago. i was taking a bath and he was playing video games. i dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard. like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if i was ok. i asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his he loaded, since he wasn't sure something was wrong. i explained that if something were i might already be dead by the time he checked. now i can't drop the shampoo without him making sure i am ok.
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nta. i had this same issue with my husband the other day. he was playing with headphones on and i was in the kitchen putting dishes away (i’m pregnant btw) and the whole cabinet came off the wall and almost crushed me! i reacted super quickly and caught it and began screaming for help and nothing. a neighbor came in running before my husband even noticed. i was pretty shook. i told him he needed to lower the volume cause the baby and i could’ve been seriously hurt if the neighbor hadn’t come to help me.
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nta. this reminds me of the post where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones on and didn’t realize his wife was being raped downstairs. she was being assaulted for 10 mins before he realized something was wrong...
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how about only one ear covered by the headphones? could solve both your problems.
i nta. but i think the timing is off as he thinks you're simply doing this simply because you fell down. which to men doesn't necessarily make sense
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nta
i was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day (lost his job and refused to get another one). we’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am.
one day i fell in the shower - products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc. loud. absolutely no reaction whatsoever. luckily i was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but i could have easily cracked my head open. i just kinda sat there crying in self pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess i was in - asked him also to check in and got a hard no.
yeah... he’s gone now.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita? [/INST] nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!) </s>
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Aita for giving a friend a “how to live with a huge penis” book
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for his 22nd birthday i (21f) impulsively got my guy friend a joke gift, the book “how to live with a huge penis” because we have a running joke about his big d*ck energy. his girlfriend texted me a couple days after and told me that she was very uncomfortable with me giving him that gift. i gave a half apology because i’m not sure if i did anything wrong. she has always felt i was a threat to her relationship (i have a long term boyfriend already), and i’ve bent over backwards to assure her that i don’t want her boyfriend. she has always been present for the jokes about his penis and has laughed and contributed before. i have no idea what the size of his actual penis is. aita for getting him this gift?
| 3,764
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1apgn/aita_for_giving_a_friend_a_how_to_live_with_a/
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2020-07-31 16:37:16
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nah definitely not an ah for getting the gift. will say though that the gf is entirely within her rights to feel uncomfortable even if she laughed about a joke beforehand. as long as she is communicating her feelings in a mature and appropriate way, i don’t see any problem with this interaction.
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nta. it’s a joke, even strangers on the internet can tell, it’s not your fault she’s insecure.
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i would say talk to your friend and see what he thinks. if it made him uncomfortable or if he would rather not have drama with his girl, then that's the main concern here--since the gift was for him.
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yta i think joking about a dude's dick when he's in a relationship with another woman is not really appropriate. you say she feels threatened by you, but you're talking about her bf dick. and he's ok with it. i think you're crossing some boundaries here and need to back off.
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yta
doesn't anyone respect boundaries anymore? the man is in a relationship.why are you constantly commenting on his penis, it's inappropriate.
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nah
if your friend were to constantly joke about how tight your vagina is and your boyfriend was uncomfortable with it, would you think it was okay for him to continue doing it? i feel like this is a bit of a double standard, and even if it’s not, she has the right to ask you not to make jokes about her boyfriend’s genitals and it’s not unreasonable for her to not like it. you didn’t mean anything by the joke though, so i think you’d only be ta if you ignored her and kept making similar sexual jokes.
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yta. not for giving an inappropriate gift, but for the half assed apology when you were made aware that you made someone uncomfortable. how hard would it have been to say “hey, i’m really sorry! i meant it as a gag gift, i wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable or imply anything bad!”
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yta time to grow up. it was an inappropriate gift, especially since you’re both in relationships.
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playing devil's advocate, how would your bf feel if a guy friend of yours gave you a 'how to live with a loose & hairy pussy' book?
there's ridiculous different standards for men and women w.r.t. to genital/ physiological jokes. if it's about men's body part, its a joke. if it's about women, suddenly i'm a sexist.
my two cents, it's totally an understandable reaction from your friend's gf. you knew she already had 'issues' with you and felt you were a threat. any decent friend would take a step back and try to give them space.
it seems like you were loving all this.
yta.
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no judgement as i think this could be no one is at fault or you all are. you having a long term boyfriend doesn't mean anything in terms of her fears. when my husband and i were in college, he had a friend who was completely into him. she had a long term boyfriend. they were terrible to each other. it didn't stop her from sending my husband a very inappropriate video. she did stuff before that, too, and my husband just kept telling her that he wasn't interested in a relationship. it almost broke us apart and i had to finally tell him that i couldn't do it anymore. that she made it clear what her intentions where and him staying meant he was allowing it to keep happening. i wouldn't tell him not to be friends, but i wasn't comfortable with them being alone together and i was sick of being on the outside. guess who lost interest when she couldn't steal his time and get him alone?
i know that you say you don't have those intentions and i believe you, but you have to understand that having a boyfriend doesn't mean much. people cheat. that is her own issue. but the fact you say you knew she felt this way about you and you still thought it was okay to give him that book pushes you more towards asshole territory. if you had no idea i would say it was an honest mistake, but the fact you know she is concerned about your intentions and you got him that kind of a gag gift isn't going to buy you any good will.
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.320187
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for his 22nd birthday i (21f) impulsively got my guy friend a joke gift, the book “how to live with a huge penis” because we have a running joke about his big d*ck energy. his girlfriend texted me a couple days after and told me that she was very uncomfortable with me giving him that gift. i gave a half apology because i’m not sure if i did anything wrong. she has always felt i was a threat to her relationship (i have a long term boyfriend already), and i’ve bent over backwards to assure her that i don’t want her boyfriend. she has always been present for the jokes about his penis and has laughed and contributed before. i have no idea what the size of his actual penis is. aita for getting him this gift?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for his 22nd birthday i (21f) impulsively got my guy friend a joke gift, the book “how to live with a huge penis” because we have a running joke about his big d*ck energy. his girlfriend texted me a couple days after and told me that she was very uncomfortable with me giving him that gift. i gave a half apology because i’m not sure if i did anything wrong. she has always felt i was a threat to her relationship (i have a long term boyfriend already), and i’ve bent over backwards to assure her that i don’t want her boyfriend. she has always been present for the jokes about his penis and has laughed and contributed before. i have no idea what the size of his actual penis is. aita for getting him this gift? [/INST] nah definitely not an ah for getting the gift. will say though that the gf is entirely within her rights to feel uncomfortable even if she laughed about a joke beforehand. as long as she is communicating her feelings in a mature and appropriate way, i don’t see any problem with this interaction. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend that her baby name is not original at all, and in fact is very common?
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i (21f) have a 'friend' who is pregnant with a little girl. this girl is a friend of a friend, so i see her at a lot of social events. i have never really liked her, because the first time we met she told me that i'm 'not punk enough' to have tattoos on my arms, and she has made various comments on my style (i think i'm quite grunge-punk, she's quite goth), and she comes across very 'not like other girls'. when she got pregnant, we were all happy for her. one of the first things she said is that she is thinking really hard about getting a unique baby name, one that no other kids she meets will have. cool, i was interested to find out what she'd pick.
she announces a few weeks later that her baby will be called aurora-leigh. i was a bit confused as aurora is in the top 100 baby names for where i live, and has been for a few years. she spent the whole night asking around the table if anyone knew a girl called aurora. she kept butting into other conversations to ask, and when someone was telling a story about someone they work with, she interrupted to say 'i bet her name wasn't aurora'.
i was getting quite annoyed because it is literally such a common name these days. if she had picked an actually unsual name, i think it would have still been annoying, but this just made it worse. the time came where she asked me if i know any auroras. i tried to avoid the question, i said 'it doesn't matter, it's a nice name'. she rolled her eyes and asked again.
i work in a daycare and i know of four auroras who come in often. i told her this and she called me a liar. so i googled most common baby names of this year, and showed her that aurora was on there this year. and every year for the past 6 years. she basically started sobbing and said i was jealous of her and she left. i was there like what the fuck, and a couple of my friends said i should just apologise, and that i went overboard showing her all the baby name lists.
aita?
| 5,254
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ef3jil/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_baby_name_is/
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2019-12-24 16:30:37
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esh, reading this aged me ten years.
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nta she wanted an unusual name and asked you if you knew anyone with it. you were just being straight up
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nta. she seems a bit off her rocker.
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nta - she was just looking for people to to confirm her thinking. she could have and should have searched names herself. almost everyone does now a days. but you’re not a good friend of hers, so don’t apologize. she is more of an acquaintance.
apologizing just because is pointless. people should apologize only if they truly mean it and are sorry. not just to calm the waters.
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yta.
this is a ridiculous thing to care about. you're both in your 20s. stop labeling yourselves goths and punks. stop caring how unique names are. you are objectively right that auroa is a common name, but let her name her kid whatever she wants.
|
esh
if you want to say "there's 4 in my day care" fine, but honestly, it's not as common as you think. a quick google search suggests it's the 31st more popular name in 2019. sure, that sounds common, but overall names are more varied today than ever. less than 0.3% of babies were named aurora worldwide, and while it's more popular in some places than others, it's a fairly even spread.
she's an asshole too, she should have dropped it when you tried avoiding the question.
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nta. she sounds insufferable.
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esh. she’s annoying for gate-keeping being goth/punk and you’re annoying for feeling the need to prove your point about the baby name. clearly you’re just trying to ruin the name for her because you don’t like her. this seems like a “smile and nod” type of situation and you took unnecessary offense.
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nothing says punk rock counter-culture like naming your kid after a fucking disney princess.
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nta, but why torture yourself with this pointless arguing? god put irrational people on earth to be avoided.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.427856
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21f) have a 'friend' who is pregnant with a little girl. this girl is a friend of a friend, so i see her at a lot of social events. i have never really liked her, because the first time we met she told me that i'm 'not punk enough' to have tattoos on my arms, and she has made various comments on my style (i think i'm quite grunge-punk, she's quite goth), and she comes across very 'not like other girls'. when she got pregnant, we were all happy for her. one of the first things she said is that she is thinking really hard about getting a unique baby name, one that no other kids she meets will have. cool, i was interested to find out what she'd pick. she announces a few weeks later that her baby will be called aurora-leigh. i was a bit confused as aurora is in the top 100 baby names for where i live, and has been for a few years. she spent the whole night asking around the table if anyone knew a girl called aurora. she kept butting into other conversations to ask, and when someone was telling a story about someone they work with, she interrupted to say 'i bet her name wasn't aurora'. i was getting quite annoyed because it is literally such a common name these days. if she had picked an actually unsual name, i think it would have still been annoying, but this just made it worse. the time came where she asked me if i know any auroras. i tried to avoid the question, i said 'it doesn't matter, it's a nice name'. she rolled her eyes and asked again. i work in a daycare and i know of four auroras who come in often. i told her this and she called me a liar. so i googled most common baby names of this year, and showed her that aurora was on there this year. and every year for the past 6 years. she basically started sobbing and said i was jealous of her and she left. i was there like what the fuck, and a couple of my friends said i should just apologise, and that i went overboard showing her all the baby name lists. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) have a 'friend' who is pregnant with a little girl. this girl is a friend of a friend, so i see her at a lot of social events. i have never really liked her, because the first time we met she told me that i'm 'not punk enough' to have tattoos on my arms, and she has made various comments on my style (i think i'm quite grunge-punk, she's quite goth), and she comes across very 'not like other girls'. when she got pregnant, we were all happy for her. one of the first things she said is that she is thinking really hard about getting a unique baby name, one that no other kids she meets will have. cool, i was interested to find out what she'd pick. she announces a few weeks later that her baby will be called aurora-leigh. i was a bit confused as aurora is in the top 100 baby names for where i live, and has been for a few years. she spent the whole night asking around the table if anyone knew a girl called aurora. she kept butting into other conversations to ask, and when someone was telling a story about someone they work with, she interrupted to say 'i bet her name wasn't aurora'. i was getting quite annoyed because it is literally such a common name these days. if she had picked an actually unsual name, i think it would have still been annoying, but this just made it worse. the time came where she asked me if i know any auroras. i tried to avoid the question, i said 'it doesn't matter, it's a nice name'. she rolled her eyes and asked again. i work in a daycare and i know of four auroras who come in often. i told her this and she called me a liar. so i googled most common baby names of this year, and showed her that aurora was on there this year. and every year for the past 6 years. she basically started sobbing and said i was jealous of her and she left. i was there like what the fuck, and a couple of my friends said i should just apologise, and that i went overboard showing her all the baby name lists. aita? [/INST] esh, reading this aged me ten years. </s>
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AITA for telling my boss he basically admitted to underpaying me?
|
i recently got a job offer at another company that will pay me about 50% more than i currently make, so i accepted it. the commute will be longer and there are a couple of disadvantages, but the pay will more than makeup for it in my opinion.
when telling my boss the news, he asked how much i would be making and i told him. he got real quiet and thought about it for a moment. he then told me that he could pay me $5/hr more than i currently make and would be willing to let me work remotely 2 days a week if i stayed in the company. which, to be honest, isn't an awful deal. but still, i wasn't biting.
i asked him if he thought i was worth that $5/hr raise and he said i was because i am a useful part of the team. at that, i asked him this.
"if i am worth that much, how come you gave me a $1/hr raise at my last review two months ago? you're basically admitting that you have been underpaying me and only want to pay me what i'm worth now because i'm leaving the company?"
he somewhat fumed and you could see him get red in the face despite him not raising his voice. he said something about me not understanding how pay works, how it isn't just his decision, and how negotiations like this are a normal part of the business.
i stood my ground and told him that if he had given me these benefits to begin with, he might have gotten to keep me. i told him that i wouldn't be able to trust that i was ever being paid fairly going forward.
well, i put my two weeks in and that's that. i was telling this story to my parents and my mom suggested that my boss had a point. that these negotiations are normal and that i should have just politely declined the offer instead of making a scene.
aita?
| 2,946
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1t627/aita_for_telling_my_boss_he_basically_admitted_to/
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2020-09-29 05:29:22
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nah your boss is right. these type of negotiations are normal and you could have asked for more than$1 at your review.
you're not an asshole for pointing ot out but be mindful of burning bridges because you never know when you paths will cross again
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nta you're right, if you were paid fairly in the first place, you would stay. unfortunately, not all places think like that and it takes someone to leave to make them realise their importance and worth. i agree with your folks though, i get why you are mad, but you should have politely declined and leave your employment on good terms. you never know, you could end up needing a recommendation from them for a future employer.
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nah.
negotiations are normal. that $5 raise might have been a temporary measure to keep you long enough in order to find a cheaper substitute.
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nta
these are indeed normal business practices, but normal isn't the same as fair, or good. if their compensation and negotiation practices are part of what motivated you to leave, than they should value the feedback as an opportunity to improve retainment.
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nta, but i don't see what you get for hammering home this sort of point. you got the new job with better pay, why even entertain this conversation?
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nta
you are right in feeling that you were screwed over by him all this time. the problem is that pay negotiations are quite common practices as it allows employers to pay below the expected amount for a position. they further take advantage by creating an environment that looks down on people telling each other how much they are paid for their positions.
consider this a learning experience and move on. if anything, society should be more open with people telling each other how much they are being paid for their jobs rather than keeping it to themselves. this gives the people more power to demand a fair and equal pay instead of letting their employers possibly screw them out of what they rightfully deserve.
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nta. as you've found out (sort of) the hard way, your boss is not your friend. the sole purpose of your boss is to get you to work as much and as hard as possible for the least amount of compensation they can offer to keep you happy.
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nta. a good employer pays what the employee is worth. quite a few decades ago i was made an offer to jump ship. i had worked for my then employer for 7 years, the last 3 of which were in a sales role.
i single handedly took that company from an annual uk750k to 2.5mil pounds in those 3 years. i had not had a rise in 4 years so when i got the offer, i asked my employer about a rise and was told they couldn't do it. next day i handed in my resignation and my shocked boss then told me maybe they could they could find a small increase. he was not happy when i told him that i was moving to a 50% increase and had already accepted. his following years slumped back to just over 750k.
later in life as a business owner, i'd benchmark local positions quarterly to see if what i was paying my people was fair and adjust upwards if relevant. wages were also automatically increased to allow for inflation. they were also given opportunities to increase their skill sets by external training and received a wage increment if they did. never had a staff member leave until i decided to move country and i helped them find good positions. still in touch with most of them.
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no way dude.
unfortunately we live in a society that business' like to be cheap for people who will quietly go about their work without making a scene. negotiating your salary and benefits is the one basic skill nobody has and nobody wants to teach, because of cheap assholes.
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a company strives to make us much while spending as little as possible. and employee strives to make as much as possible while minimizing load. it's always a dance between the two, learn the moves and you'll do well.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.003383
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently got a job offer at another company that will pay me about 50% more than i currently make, so i accepted it. the commute will be longer and there are a couple of disadvantages, but the pay will more than makeup for it in my opinion. when telling my boss the news, he asked how much i would be making and i told him. he got real quiet and thought about it for a moment. he then told me that he could pay me $5/hr more than i currently make and would be willing to let me work remotely 2 days a week if i stayed in the company. which, to be honest, isn't an awful deal. but still, i wasn't biting. i asked him if he thought i was worth that $5/hr raise and he said i was because i am a useful part of the team. at that, i asked him this. "if i am worth that much, how come you gave me a $1/hr raise at my last review two months ago? you're basically admitting that you have been underpaying me and only want to pay me what i'm worth now because i'm leaving the company?" he somewhat fumed and you could see him get red in the face despite him not raising his voice. he said something about me not understanding how pay works, how it isn't just his decision, and how negotiations like this are a normal part of the business. i stood my ground and told him that if he had given me these benefits to begin with, he might have gotten to keep me. i told him that i wouldn't be able to trust that i was ever being paid fairly going forward. well, i put my two weeks in and that's that. i was telling this story to my parents and my mom suggested that my boss had a point. that these negotiations are normal and that i should have just politely declined the offer instead of making a scene. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recently got a job offer at another company that will pay me about 50% more than i currently make, so i accepted it. the commute will be longer and there are a couple of disadvantages, but the pay will more than makeup for it in my opinion. when telling my boss the news, he asked how much i would be making and i told him. he got real quiet and thought about it for a moment. he then told me that he could pay me $5/hr more than i currently make and would be willing to let me work remotely 2 days a week if i stayed in the company. which, to be honest, isn't an awful deal. but still, i wasn't biting. i asked him if he thought i was worth that $5/hr raise and he said i was because i am a useful part of the team. at that, i asked him this. "if i am worth that much, how come you gave me a $1/hr raise at my last review two months ago? you're basically admitting that you have been underpaying me and only want to pay me what i'm worth now because i'm leaving the company?" he somewhat fumed and you could see him get red in the face despite him not raising his voice. he said something about me not understanding how pay works, how it isn't just his decision, and how negotiations like this are a normal part of the business. i stood my ground and told him that if he had given me these benefits to begin with, he might have gotten to keep me. i told him that i wouldn't be able to trust that i was ever being paid fairly going forward. well, i put my two weeks in and that's that. i was telling this story to my parents and my mom suggested that my boss had a point. that these negotiations are normal and that i should have just politely declined the offer instead of making a scene. aita? [/INST] nah your boss is right. these type of negotiations are normal and you could have asked for more than$1 at your review. you're not an asshole for pointing ot out but be mindful of burning bridges because you never know when you paths will cross again </s>
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AITA for not switching seats with some lady on the plane to sit with my girlfriend?
|
my (m21) girlfriend (f21) and i just got done with finals so we decided to take a trip to ohio for a few days. we live on the west coast so it’s like a 4 hour flight. we got done with our trip and we’re coming back home by plane. when we woke up she was immediately angry because i accidentally pushed her off the bed lol. then she started finding things to complain about. i suggested we get the free breakfast with our hotel instead of going to some coffee shop and when we went she kept complaining about how the coffee is weak and she needs another one so i complied and we went to a coffee shop. we get to the airport and she’s complaining more, i tell her i’m tired and let me rest, don’t talk to me until we get home and she gets all mad and complains. we have different seats on the plane because the flight is packed and overbooked. i tell her it’s fine it’s just 4 hours. she then comes to my seat and tells me the woman sitting next to her is willing to trade seats with me. i literally said “give me a break” and told her no. she went back crying but i just wanted a damn break. when we got home she started crying even more and said i embarrassed her on the flight. aita?
| 9,163
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zo8iht/aita_for_not_switching_seats_with_some_lady_on/
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2022-12-17 15:21:57
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info: do you like your girlfriend at all?
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yta. she started her day by being pushed out of bed (which, unless she’s 30lbs, takes some real force), then you were rude to her the rest of the day and complained that she was in a bad mood? just break up.
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info can i ask sincerely, what do you like about your gf? what does she like about you? why are you a couple?
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> she started finding things to complain about
doesn't sound like a relationship worth saving if this is how you think about her.
yta.
|
yta you’re saying your behavior was appropriate because you were stressed because you just finished finals but so did she. i would be in a crap mood too if i was woken up by a grown man shoving me off the bed and then laughing in my face. on top of you just being so rude to her for being unhappy. leave her you don’t even like her
|
yta for:
a) "accidentally" pushing her out of bed (clearly no remorse was shown if you are laughing about it now, no wonder she was angry)
b) insisting you go get the free breakfast on the last day of your holiday, if she wanted to go elsewhere (are you always a cheapskate?)
c) only "complying" with her desire for coffee under duress
d) telling her not to talk to you the whole way home (!)
e) being an absolute dick to her on the plane in front of other passengers, and embarrassing and upsetting her on top of everything
i'm also pretty sure you and your girlfriend aren't compatible. nothing you have written here suggests you have even the slightest affection for her. let her go for her sake.
|
yta. also, this is such a case of missing information it’s ridiculous. you kicked her out of bed—why is that funny? where’s the joke? she found “things to complain about”— like what? the fact that you were being an asshole? she’s complaining more at the airport—again, about *what?* probably you, since you don’t want to talk to her…yeah, giving your partner the silent treatment is real mature.
dude your girlfriend doesn’t have an “on/off” switch for your convenience, and she’s not obligated to be pleasant for you all the time. i have a feeling if you had apologized for kicking her out of bed, the rest would’ve been avoided.
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yta all i read was you don’t like your gf. i hope she dumps your ass.
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info: how the fuck do you "accidently" push your girlfriend off the bed?
|
"what are you doing on the floor? lol."
"let's not spend money on decent coffee. there's a coffee vending machine here at the hotel."
"i'm tired. it took a lot of strength to push you out of bed. don't talk to me."
"sit with strangers for four hours. i'm tired of dealing with you."
yta, big time. why is she still with you?
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| 0.041243
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (m21) girlfriend (f21) and i just got done with finals so we decided to take a trip to ohio for a few days. we live on the west coast so it’s like a 4 hour flight. we got done with our trip and we’re coming back home by plane. when we woke up she was immediately angry because i accidentally pushed her off the bed lol. then she started finding things to complain about. i suggested we get the free breakfast with our hotel instead of going to some coffee shop and when we went she kept complaining about how the coffee is weak and she needs another one so i complied and we went to a coffee shop. we get to the airport and she’s complaining more, i tell her i’m tired and let me rest, don’t talk to me until we get home and she gets all mad and complains. we have different seats on the plane because the flight is packed and overbooked. i tell her it’s fine it’s just 4 hours. she then comes to my seat and tells me the woman sitting next to her is willing to trade seats with me. i literally said “give me a break” and told her no. she went back crying but i just wanted a damn break. when we got home she started crying even more and said i embarrassed her on the flight. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (m21) girlfriend (f21) and i just got done with finals so we decided to take a trip to ohio for a few days. we live on the west coast so it’s like a 4 hour flight. we got done with our trip and we’re coming back home by plane. when we woke up she was immediately angry because i accidentally pushed her off the bed lol. then she started finding things to complain about. i suggested we get the free breakfast with our hotel instead of going to some coffee shop and when we went she kept complaining about how the coffee is weak and she needs another one so i complied and we went to a coffee shop. we get to the airport and she’s complaining more, i tell her i’m tired and let me rest, don’t talk to me until we get home and she gets all mad and complains. we have different seats on the plane because the flight is packed and overbooked. i tell her it’s fine it’s just 4 hours. she then comes to my seat and tells me the woman sitting next to her is willing to trade seats with me. i literally said “give me a break” and told her no. she went back crying but i just wanted a damn break. when we got home she started crying even more and said i embarrassed her on the flight. aita? [/INST] info: do you like your girlfriend at all? </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that I will not travel with her unless she leaves her phone behind?
|
my wife has what i feel is a serious phone and instagram addiction. she is always looking for places that would be "instagrammable" to the point that i find it draining and stressful to travel with her. it has come to dictate our travels and travel plans... i love her and her company, but absolutely detest traveling under this constant and dark instagram cloud. i told her that i would not vacation with her anymore unless she left her phone behind; otherwise, i would plan and book my own travels, perhaps with friends or other family members. needless to say, she thinks that i am overreacting... aita?
| 1,281
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvkzbs/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_not_travel/
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2019-08-26 07:54:40
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info - have you already had a long, face-to-face talk about her instagram habits?
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what you need is to get her to delete the instagram app, not throw away a means of communication. sometimes removing the app alone would change a lot.
|
esh
she sucks for an uncontrolled instagram addiction. seriously people, if your spouse is telling you consistently that your electronics are a problem, they're a problem.
you suck for issuing ultimatums in a marriage. it's a partnership, not a dictatorship. talk. communicate. compromise. don't order and threaten. it never works out how you think it will. either it will blow up in your face immediately, or the resentment from you "winning" will blow up in your face down the road. either way, it's going to blow up in your face.
communication can make or break a marriage.
|
esh
buy her a real camera and bring that instead of the phone. when she gets done with the vacation she can edit and upload them. it will be a great hobby, she can still take photos and have better quality photos, and she won't be interacting with her phone .
most instagrammers take dozens of photos and spread them out instead of taking photos every day and posting every day
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nta. those people suck.
|
esh
why can’t you just go on vacations and have instagram free days? or leave and do your own thing while she instagrams. or fucking talk this out like adults and come to some kind of compromise.
“hey honey, during our last vacation i felt like the trip was more for your instagram followers than for both of us. i want to be able to do things with you on vacation and have your full attention. i understand that you value instagram, and getting some cool pictures while on vacation. i just don’t want that to be the primary focus of our vacations together.”
vs
“fuck your stupid phone i’m going to throw a tantrum because that’s the only way i get what i want: for you to be sad, like you made me sad. again this is all your fault, and i want you to feel bad”
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nta
your feelings are just as important as hers and if it really bothers you she should refrain from doing it or at least try to minimize it. that said she should still totally take her phone because traveling with a phone is a must. she should also take pictures because it's nice to remember your trip. she should not spend most of her time on instagram though. she can also snap a few photos and to all the posting later at the hotel when you guys are winding down too. its annoying to go out with people that are always on their phone. i wouldn't want to take trip with someone that's always on theirs. explain your feelings and hopefully she will understand, people often react poorly when given ultimatums.
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nta. tell her to think of it as a fashionable 'detox' like all the posh people do.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. it's not too much to ask someone to be present with you. during travelling you want to relax and enjoy yourself.
i would suggest a compromise though. if she is addicted to the app/phone, asking her to remove the app or disable for the duration of travelling would be a lot kinder to her mentally than not having it at all. i say if because it may not be an addiction. but if it is, it will be much harder for her to enjoy travelling as well without it being defined as the travelling she wasn't allowed to have her phone with her.
at least this way, you're both getting something you want and not getting something you want. it's more even territory than dictating that she can't have something she wants.
|
INFO
| null |
ESH
|
ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.33291
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife has what i feel is a serious phone and instagram addiction. she is always looking for places that would be "instagrammable" to the point that i find it draining and stressful to travel with her. it has come to dictate our travels and travel plans... i love her and her company, but absolutely detest traveling under this constant and dark instagram cloud. i told her that i would not vacation with her anymore unless she left her phone behind; otherwise, i would plan and book my own travels, perhaps with friends or other family members. needless to say, she thinks that i am overreacting... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife has what i feel is a serious phone and instagram addiction. she is always looking for places that would be "instagrammable" to the point that i find it draining and stressful to travel with her. it has come to dictate our travels and travel plans... i love her and her company, but absolutely detest traveling under this constant and dark instagram cloud. i told her that i would not vacation with her anymore unless she left her phone behind; otherwise, i would plan and book my own travels, perhaps with friends or other family members. needless to say, she thinks that i am overreacting... aita? [/INST] info - have you already had a long, face-to-face talk about her instagram habits? </s>
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AITA For siding with my brother and SIL over my parents?
|
my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids.
&#x200b;
my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman.
&#x200b;
what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.
&#x200b;
yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one.
&#x200b;
i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
| 25,137
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0hwki/aita_for_siding_with_my_brother_and_sil_over_my/
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2020-07-30 07:40:34
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nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter.
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nta
they absolutely deserved it. good on you for having your brother's, sil's, and niece's backs.
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nta i’m sure your brother feels good that you are at least on his side.
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pretty obviously nta. forcing someone to have kids? abusive potentially.
your parents’ behaviour is disgusting in this context.
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nta, they are though! they have a grandchild and are mistreating her (and her parents) for not being biologically related to them. do you know the saying "blood is thicker than water"? the actual quote goes "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning that connections established freely are stronger than just being connected by genetics.
maybe yelling wasn't the best thing to do, but so is their behaviour towards your niece, who is getting ignored by her grandparents for something she has no power over and for some old/weird value.
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nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta
just because your mom cried because one of her children demanded to be respected as a peer doesn't make you an asshole. they are being selfish, cruel, petulant, childish, immature, assholes. you had every right to read them the riot act, so does your brother, so does your sil. hopefully they learn from this encounter and grow up.
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nta
not only because you don't treat a child like that, but even if they did have a child, what if it was "gasp" a girl!!! would they be as vile to their "bio"grandchild unless they get the gender they want?
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as a parent of an adopted child...thank you. i am from india and it's not a very socially accepted norm here. my in laws reacted similarly when we told them first that we only wanted to adopt and not have biological kids. lots of tantrums and emotional manipulation. thankfully my bil was very supportive and he stood by us. as time went on they have completely accepted the reality and are very loving to their grandchild. i hope it's only time that they need to get over their disappointment and they will come around to giving the little girl the grandparents she deserves. you did absolutely the right thing. she is lucky to have such an aunt / uncle who stands up for her.
nta
|
*oh, but they must have a male heir, for the abbey is entailed. otherwise your boorish solicitor cousin, mr. feversham, will inherit all! now will someone please enlighten me as to what is a week-end?!*
nta, and your niece doesn’t need grandparents who suck like that!
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nta. your parents are being completely irrational.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this. [/INST] nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter. </s>
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AITA for having high expectations for my bachelorette party?
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throwaway and mobile account.
i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall.
a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically.
for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night.
friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it.
saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride).
i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh.
i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita?
here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions:
1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc.
2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into.
edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks!
| 15,109
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w5n39w/aita_for_having_high_expectations_for_my/
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2022-07-22 22:17:33
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yta for all the control and then running off crying.
no, you can't control 25 other women. your expectations were too high.
also who has 25 friends? this seems like some sorority craziness.
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yta.
25 people is not your “closest friends”, that’s a large group of acquaintances which also includes your closest friends. i guarantee you that not all of them consider you to be their best friend.
this means you were dragging people who were trying to politely support an extended member of their friend group into a huge elaborate event, where every detail had to be micromanaged for your personal benefit. you even complained that some of them did their own thing while you were pouting and hiding away from everyone, rather than sit patiently at the door for you to once again grace them with your presence.
yes, you do sound like a bridezilla.
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yta.
you sound exhausting.
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yta - you aren’t describing a “party”. a party lasts a few hour, you had a four day weekend. people had to book multiple days off work for you.
and surely this is a typo, you stuck 25 people in a single house??!!
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[removed]
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also you better not be waking me up at 7 and 9 am on a weekend after making me go out the night before
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yta. did no one tell you this itinerary was way too much? you made your “expectations” clear, but did you not think at all about what everyone else wanted? i know it’s “your” weekend, but that doesn’t mean you get to cart everyone around like a kindergarten class.
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yta - this screams "bridezilla!". yes, a bach party is meant to celebrate you, but good lord. these are meant to be your friends, not your servants who are to cater to your every whim and fancy.
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yta. a hen do is supposed to be fun for everyone involved, not just for the bride. which is why it is usually planned by other people for her.
you just ignored everyone's wishes to go with the "this is my special day, before my other special day" shtick.
i'm looking forward to your inevitable post about your actual wedding, that one's going to be a banger, too.
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i can’t believe you wrote all of this and did not realize yes, you’re the asshole. damn. brunch doesn’t start at 9 am. you’re the ahole and a bridezilla.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway and mobile account. i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall. a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically. for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night. friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it. saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride). i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh. i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita? here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions: 1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc. 2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into. edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway and mobile account. i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall. a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically. for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night. friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it. saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride). i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh. i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita? here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions: 1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc. 2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into. edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks! [/INST] yta for all the control and then running off crying. no, you can't control 25 other women. your expectations were too high. also who has 25 friends? this seems like some sorority craziness. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband he “should have just married a white woman”
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for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well.
i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again.
first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now.
last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman.
he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way.
i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?
| 27,186
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaubc9/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_have_just/
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2020-08-16 15:32:21
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nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you.
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nta - you made him feel racist because he was being racist. it was really mean of him to make those comments and hide your scarf. i think you should go to counseling if only to have a third party tell him how wrong he was for doing that to you.
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wait so he said “are we doing slave tonight” but you made him feel like a racist?? go ahead and call the race therapist asap. also! you need back up scarves sis, i have like 4. hide my shyt, try me :)
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nta
wtf as a black woman with a white husband, when i lost my bonnet, he went to target late at night to grab me a few new ones.
you can’t marry a black woman and not want her to do black woman things. disgusting slave comment too. wtf is he thinking.
dont let him gaslight you!
this started with him putting what he wanted over you and even trying to force you to do what he wants and saying it looks like a slave to sway you away from it.
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nta... he was being racist, though? you might tolerate or be forgiving of the slavery jokes but another black girl might not be. not sure why he's upset he was made to "feel racist" when he was being racist. keep wrapping your hair, get counseling for your bfs immaturity. i hope he treats you better in the future or you find someone more respectful.
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he's right, the two of you should go to therapy to discuss your race issues. his issue is that he doesn't understand what it means to be married to a black woman with 4c hair. he needs a safe space to ask questions and get answers that aren't yelled at him.
wear your headscarf; no relationship is worth sacrificing your edges.
nta.
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nta
if he feels like a racist it's not because you 'made him' feel like a racist. it's because he is acting like a racist. referring to your wife as a slave is an extremely racist thing to do. done once, it would have been a joke in extremely bad taste. done repeatedly, he's just a genuine racist.
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nta. saying your wife looks like a slave is, without question, a racist statement to make. you didn’t make him feel racist. his attitude toward your scarf and hair care is racist.
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nta. i have 4c chemically straighten hair, in my country almost all women have the same done to their hairs and we sleep with hair nets, not even beautiful and stilish silk scarfs, and our so don't mess with us for that. it looks like he needs a reality check on two things, first being the fact the women have flaws and work to be beautiful and two that having a black wife is not a pass for racist jokes and to mess with (black) grooming issues he doesn't understand.
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nta
you should go to couples counseling for racial issues because he's being fucking racist. telling a black woman who has her hair in a scarf that she looks like a slave is disgusting and clearly he knows thats racist otherwise he wouldn't feel guilty when you snapped at him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita? [/INST] nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you. </s>
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AITA for my sister ending her pregnancy and possibly her marriage?
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i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin).
our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances.
my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house.
my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband.
late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common.
this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options.
the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
| 24,971
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r7vlhu/aita_for_my_sister_ending_her_pregnancy_and/
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2021-12-03 09:47:50
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nta.
two words: abusive husband.
you did her a favor.
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you're nta for helping your sister get out of an abusive relationship. you probably saved her life, especially since he is now stalking her in nyc.
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nta. i would probably kick your mom and oldest brother out of your house
for how they treated your sister.
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oh my goodness, nta! you saved your sister's life and i'm so sorry that you have to deal with a family like that!
listen, i'm sorry to say this, but you have to distance yourself away from your mother and brothers. go full nc. they obviously don't care about the wellbeing of their own and your brother is possibly being harmful towards his wife in some way, just to guess.
they will probably try to harrass your sister. guilt her,blame her, make her feel like she is the epitome of the worst thing, because she didn't go and fit into their old fashioned views of a woman getting married, having babies, and being the picture of a domestic housewife who lets the men make all of the decisions, while she sits back in the background and looks pretty.
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nta and what the hell is this “wife went through the same thing”? did your brother just confess to being abusive?
your brothers and mother didn’t lift a finger to help your abused sister. do you really care what they think of you?
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nta. your sister was in an abusive marriage and you were the only one who didn't tell her to suck it up. you gave her the means to get out and change her life and that makes you the hero! good for you and for your sister for knowing her worth.
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nta. you are the only one that cared for her welfare, the others just cared about their own wants (she’s close to home/ easy to control or manipulate/ the “you need to give me a grand baby stage” etc) .
your brother also sounds abusive (saying his wife complained about the same thing and your sister isn’t special).
good on you for helping her, the rest of your selfish family would have left her in that marriage to become another statistic.
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many years ago, i was in trouble, and turned to my big brother to help. no questions asked, he was there for me 100%... financially, emotionally, and privately. he kept our secret until the day he died. he was forever my hero, and i miss him, every day.
bless you for your kindness. she'll never forget, i promise ❤️
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nta - you did the right thing. clearly you telling her that she could survive on her own was the motivation that she needed. knowing someone was finally in her corner helped her. your family is a bunch if ah’s for allowing an abusive relationship to go on and not do anything about it.
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nta! props to you for helping your sister! you've helped her out from an abusive situation.
>a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
that's wonderful. she longer has to put up with any of that crap (atleast not as much) and move on. also shame on your family for basically wanting her to be with a horrid person and screw up her life, just to save face.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita? [/INST] nta. two words: abusive husband. you did her a favor. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that begging my mom for Christmas gifts is cringey?
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my mom is rich. i mean i dont know the details, but i would classify her as rich over wealthy. she drives a maserati, her house is insane, and she has never once bought a christmas gift for my stepson (5) or my daughter (3). now the money does come from her husband, but i've never gotten the impression that he was controlling. she is always shopping, and literally always on vacation, so it's not like he doesn't let her spend the money, so i have to accept that she just doesn't want to buy them anything.
my wife thinks it is horrible, and it does bother me, but i'm an only child, so it's not like she is showering other grandkids in gifts and mine are being left out. she does usually give me a gift, but never on christmas, so i think she is trying to make it look like it isn't a christmas gift, and what she gets me is always something which cannot be used for the family, like something specific to my hobby, or a gift card to a men's clothing store i like, so i don't know if she does it on purpose.
my wife said that i should refuse to accept the gift this year and tell her that if she doesn't buy for my children she can't buy for me. i feel like that is rude, and also pretty cringey because gifts should never be an expectation. i think what set my wife off was finding out that my mom bought a present for her best friend last year, because we kind of assumed she only bought for her husband. my wife is now mad at me, but i still feel like refusing my gift and giving her conditions would be awkward and rude. also the kids don't know that she buys me anything.
| 1,098
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k2qt3w/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_begging_my_mom_for/
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2020-11-28 16:42:21
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info; have you ever asked her why she doesn’t buy her grandkids presents? does she have an answer
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nah, but nobody smells like roses either. your mom is under no obligation to give your kids presents, but it's pretty weird and lame that she doesn't (assuming she does have a good relationship with them otherwise, which it sounds like she does since you know so much about her comings and goings). your wife is entitled to be offended/annoyed and to ask that you turn down the gift your mom gives you every year. personally i'd turn down the gift to make my spouse happy, but without any demand for gifts for the kids. the kids are young, and at some point they will ask your mom for something for their birthday or whatever. let that scene play itself out and withhold judgment until then.
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info : have you actually talked to your mom about any of this? does she not like kids? does she not understand how to shop for kids? is she putting christmas money into a college or a trust fund?
if she's not, yeah, you're kind of ta. if you haven't talked to her about it, and you're accepting gifts from your mom whom, i'm assuming, spends time with her grandkids and pretty much ignores them over christmas, that's super crappy.
otherwise, you're really not giving us anything to go on here.
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uh, doesn't sound like your wife is begging your mom for christmas gifts. esh
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yta how does it not bother you that your kids are treated that way? you are getting a present but your kids aren't? kids don't understand and will just think she doesn't like them. and way she acts it sounds like she doesn't like them. your wife sees this and thats why she thinks it's unfair to accept a gift when the kids don't get anything
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info: have you ever asked your mother if there's a reason she doesn't buy even a small gift for your kids?
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i think yta for not being enraged that your mother doesn't care about/consider your children. you're happy to benefit but not worrying about your family who comes first.
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nta, though we could do with more information. i'm guessing from the way you use "her husband" this is a man your mother met when you were already and adult. otherwise one would have thought of using the term step-father. that being the case, the yes, demanding his money be spent on you is definitely cringe inducing to say the least. out of curiosity though, has she ever given any rationale as to why she never spends on her grandkids?
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do you and you wife and children give her gifts?
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[deleted]
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.497288
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom is rich. i mean i dont know the details, but i would classify her as rich over wealthy. she drives a maserati, her house is insane, and she has never once bought a christmas gift for my stepson (5) or my daughter (3). now the money does come from her husband, but i've never gotten the impression that he was controlling. she is always shopping, and literally always on vacation, so it's not like he doesn't let her spend the money, so i have to accept that she just doesn't want to buy them anything. my wife thinks it is horrible, and it does bother me, but i'm an only child, so it's not like she is showering other grandkids in gifts and mine are being left out. she does usually give me a gift, but never on christmas, so i think she is trying to make it look like it isn't a christmas gift, and what she gets me is always something which cannot be used for the family, like something specific to my hobby, or a gift card to a men's clothing store i like, so i don't know if she does it on purpose. my wife said that i should refuse to accept the gift this year and tell her that if she doesn't buy for my children she can't buy for me. i feel like that is rude, and also pretty cringey because gifts should never be an expectation. i think what set my wife off was finding out that my mom bought a present for her best friend last year, because we kind of assumed she only bought for her husband. my wife is now mad at me, but i still feel like refusing my gift and giving her conditions would be awkward and rude. also the kids don't know that she buys me anything.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom is rich. i mean i dont know the details, but i would classify her as rich over wealthy. she drives a maserati, her house is insane, and she has never once bought a christmas gift for my stepson (5) or my daughter (3). now the money does come from her husband, but i've never gotten the impression that he was controlling. she is always shopping, and literally always on vacation, so it's not like he doesn't let her spend the money, so i have to accept that she just doesn't want to buy them anything. my wife thinks it is horrible, and it does bother me, but i'm an only child, so it's not like she is showering other grandkids in gifts and mine are being left out. she does usually give me a gift, but never on christmas, so i think she is trying to make it look like it isn't a christmas gift, and what she gets me is always something which cannot be used for the family, like something specific to my hobby, or a gift card to a men's clothing store i like, so i don't know if she does it on purpose. my wife said that i should refuse to accept the gift this year and tell her that if she doesn't buy for my children she can't buy for me. i feel like that is rude, and also pretty cringey because gifts should never be an expectation. i think what set my wife off was finding out that my mom bought a present for her best friend last year, because we kind of assumed she only bought for her husband. my wife is now mad at me, but i still feel like refusing my gift and giving her conditions would be awkward and rude. also the kids don't know that she buys me anything. [/INST] info; have you ever asked her why she doesn’t buy her grandkids presents? does she have an answer </s>
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AITA for pressing charges against my son?
|
my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid.
according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day.
my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv.
eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch.
i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges?
| 33,031
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hk5vqi/aita_for_pressing_charges_against_my_son/
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2020-07-02 21:29:33
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nta at all! if you don't press charges, he'll think he can get away with stuff like this! not cool! frankly, you're not only not the asshole, you absolutely did the right thing and should be praised for it! i'm glad his girlfriend had the integrity to come clean! if it's his first offense, he can plea down to a misdemeanor and get some community service, and hopefully learn his lesson before does something that gets him years behind bars!
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nta
i usually don't agree with involving the police in family disputes but in this case, it was warranted. he blatantly lied about and to a child, forced the hand of your daughter to pay for the replacement cost of the tv, and stole the tv. if confronted, the situation could have escalated, so filing the police report was the right thing to do.
what i'm wondering is what his long game was? like, you would come over to his place, see your old tv and not notice?
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[deleted]
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i think it’s within your rights to do so... but pressing charges in a situation like this feels extreme.
info: have you ever had serious issues with his behavior in the past?
e: a prison record will fundamentally ruin someone’s life the majority of the time, and i don’t think a stolen tv is enough to justify that personally. i would only pursue this on my own child until all other avenues - such as counseling/therapy - have been exhausted. if op’s family have already tried to get help for the son, then fine, report them to the cops. for me that would be the absolute last straw to protect the rest of my family.
further, the brother was entrusted with the caretaking of a child. i find that strange if he *did* have a history of erratic or damaging behavior. it just strikes me as totally disproportionate to subject someone to the hellscape that is the criminal justice system for something like this.
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[deleted]
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nta
he stole from you.
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esh just because i think calling the police and pressing charges against your child should be a last resort, not a first choice. a lot of steps need to come before involving the police. you clearly trusted him since he was alone in your home babysitting his niece. you don’t go from trust to charges without first hitting all the steps in between. (you know: talking ... banning him from your home ... insisting that he return your tv ... that sort of thing)
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family or not, theft is theft. you have every right to press charges against your son for what he did. if you don't do anything, he'll have this mentality that he can get away with anything when it comes to you guys.
nta.
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nta he needs help.
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yta you've put charges on your son for something that could have been handled within the family. sounds like your son is probably going through a tough time to get to the point of doing that. why don't you be a parent and figure it out between yourselves.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
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YTA
| 0.243004
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid. according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day. my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv. eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch. i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid. according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day. my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv. eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch. i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges? [/INST] nta at all! if you don't press charges, he'll think he can get away with stuff like this! not cool! frankly, you're not only not the asshole, you absolutely did the right thing and should be praised for it! i'm glad his girlfriend had the integrity to come clean! if it's his first offense, he can plea down to a misdemeanor and get some community service, and hopefully learn his lesson before does something that gets him years behind bars! </s>
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AITA For laughing my ass off at my wife's expense?
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just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself.
with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her.
we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me.
i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home.
my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita?
| 24,773
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmcw3y/aita_for_laughing_my_ass_off_at_my_wifes_expense/
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2019-10-24 07:23:27
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yta
&#x200b;
dude, come on! you know this is a point of pain and insecurity for your wife. like she's told you that she's been bullied for this and you laugh at this to the point where there were tears? and you haven't apologised for this? she's your wife man. so yeah. you're the a-hole here bud.
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“i laughed at my wife in public about her biggest insecurity that she was bullied for throughout her life” yeah yta
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yta
i can understand an initial laugh, but really, you know it upsets her and it's a sore spot for her, and you're just going to laugh hysterically? that's pretty mean, and in her place, i'd be pretty pissed at you too.
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yta.
my boyfriend is the same height as you and i'm 4'11. it's extremely frustrating to not be taken seriously your whole life based on your height. we've heard every short joke in the world. i'm not insecure about my height, but it's definitely colored the way people treat me in my life. it gets extremely annoying and old sometimes.
i can imagine how demeaning it felt for your wife when she saw you laugh so hard over her lifelong insecurity.
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yta - not for the initial outburst but it takes more than a few seconds to get to the point of tears in your eyes and that’s plenty of time to have composed yourself
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nah - honestly, sometimes shit is just funny and laughter that brings tears to your eyes isnt easily stopped.
one time i laughed my arse off at the expense of my child. full tears, hands on knees, gasping for breath hysterics. i had to gesture to my husband to console him because i couldnt pick him up i was laughing so hard. (6 yrs old, held his sandwhich above his head so the little monkey couldnt get it. monkey scaled my child, shot up his wee arm, and snatch his ham and cheese. kid wailed, mother died laughing)
i'm sorry she was bullied, that's real shit and the effects can last a long time. sometimes inappropriate laughter is very hard to stop however, so while i dont think you're an arsehole i do think you've a shit tonne of sucking up to do.
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yta, you're not the asshole for the initial laughter but you know this is a sore spot for your wife you could have been considerate
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nah / very soft yta. i'm a petite girl, i understand the pain of being taken as a kid. being mistaken as your daughter is understandably very funny, but it's a soft point for your wife and you should've tried to keep it in. (still though, i chuckled)
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seems like people here think laughter is completly voluntary. were you guys never in school and couldn't stop from laughing even though you really wanted to? i would go for nah, depending on how you behaved after. but just so you know i understand why you laughed and sometimes there is nothing you do about it. the fact that you shouldn't / don't want to laugh means nothing usually, because it only makes you laugh harder. hope you and your wife can talk about it. it seems as if you're usually very understanding about her insecurities concering her height.
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yta
if she's insecure about her height having you laugh at that isn't going to make her feel any better and she will just be more insecure in the future.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.139196
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself. with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her. we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me. i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home. my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself. with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her. we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me. i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home. my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita? [/INST] yta &#x200b; dude, come on! you know this is a point of pain and insecurity for your wife. like she's told you that she's been bullied for this and you laugh at this to the point where there were tears? and you haven't apologised for this? she's your wife man. so yeah. you're the a-hole here bud. </s>
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AITA for shaming my son and DIL on the internet after they named their baby after me?
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i have a fairly unique name which comes from greek mythology. the first time i met my current dil she commented on how beautiful it is and asked a couple questions about if people pronounce it right and if i like it. she has been with my son for five years and she had mentioned a couple of times how much she loves my name.
besides my name she doesn’t like me very much. she is hyper controlling and doesn’t like that i won’t restructure my entire family so she can have her way. she just has a lot of issues and always seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it is exhausting. when she got pregnant the first thing she did was give me a list of rules and i just found it insulting that she didn’t even wait and let things come up naturally. also there are so many rules that i think she needs to hire a professional and not expect any help from me.
we had a huge fight mid pregnancy because i refused to buy any gifts because the list of rules about what to buy was insane. we didn’t speak much for the duration of the pregnancy so i was shocked when she named her daughter “after me” really i just think she likes my name. i’ve only met my granddaughter once and she hovered over me and made me uncomfortable the entire time. she pretty much told me i am never going to be allowed to babysit which is her right, but if i’m such a horrible person why name the baby after me?
since it is a fairly uncommon name people were asking about it and they both claimed they named her after me so i commented on a picture that it’s so flattering they named the baby after me but surprising when i’m not actually allowed to have much of s relationship with the baby. she blocked me on all social media.
| 3,216
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hswu8k/aita_for_shaming_my_son_and_dil_on_the_internet/
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2020-07-17 14:40:54
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info: what are three examples of her “rules?” why specifically do you say she needs professional help?
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nta : i cannot stand how this sub always sides with the daughter in law like every in law is some demon. dil can be assholes too people. not everyone is some innocent party that is mistreated. i would be exhausted just being around her daughter in law. always on the verge of having a breakdown and then demanding someone to rearrange their family lives to her liking is a sure-fire way for someone to be disliked. i would like for op to elaborate on some of the rules. are they normal and rational rules or are they completely out pocket craziness? i don't blame op for questioning why her dil is naming her child after a person she claims to dislike. what rational human being names their child after someone they cannot stand?
&#x200b;
i am changing my ruling based on the information below. at this point, i wouldn't like this woman. the biggest one to me is that she thinks she can control the diet of other adults.
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let me guess, your name is persephone....
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esh.
i’ve read your comments, and i think some of what your dil is asking for is reasonable. sounds like she wants only gender-neural clothing for the baby? makes sense. i’d want them same so i could reuse them. the bathing suit thing is weird, and wanting you to remove certain toys your other grandchild enjoys is selfish.
but reading between the lines here? it seems like maybe she is a worried first time mom, and you and your nuclear family do outdoor activities not as safely as she would like. calling her out like that on fb was snide. if you feel that way you should have approached your son and dil in person. there is a very good chance they did it to honor you.
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esh. going against the grain here, but oh, well.
i absolutely think your dil is overbearing and verging on ridiculous.
as a first time mom, she may have developed postpartum anxiety, especially considering she is predisposed to anxiety.
your disdain for your dil is palpable in your post. you said that she was upset because you ran your family in a certain way and you wouldn't let her have her way.
i'm willing to be your dil isn't the only diva in your relationship. you sound .... well, i don't think i'd want you as a mil.
also, daphne is a super common name. you don't own it. your dil told you she liked it when you met. it's not surprising she picked that name.
and to call her out on facebook like that, well, i can understand why she doesn't want you to babysit. you clearly don't like her and i'm sure she is well aware of your disdain.
i wouldn't let a woman who held me in contempt keep my kids either.
why be so antagonistic with her? do you want to have a relationship with your granddaughter? you don't have to kowtow to her, but to be so obviously antagonistic is just ruining any chance you have with your son's family.
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why is this post so vague
|
info what were the things your dil was trying to change? what were her rules that made you think they need a professional nanny/caretaker? what were the rules about buying gifts? there is a significant lack of information that i feel is missing to actually give any kind of honest judgement.
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nta people think they can rewrite history or control the narrative on fb. sometimes they need to be checked. while i think your comment was petty, i don't see ahole. nta
you didn't mention your son in your post. is he supporting the lack of contact with your grandchild?
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yta hear me out though. you’re not ta because you’re upset by the rules, and upset with your dil. your dil is an a all on her own - no doubt about it. sounds like she’s having some serious mental health issues, ones i unfortunately empathize with but got help for. prenatal anxiety and postpartum anxiety are insane, i hope she gets help.
but yta because you made a comment on facebook. anyone is ta when they bring drama on facebook. sure, be mad at your dil. but call. talk to your son. delete them off fb if you’re upset about the hypocrisy. but it’s petty af to make a comment about it on social media, period. i don’t care how you slice it.
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esh - social media really isn't the best place to have those discussions. she sucks for being overly controlling.
|
INFO
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.599233
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a fairly unique name which comes from greek mythology. the first time i met my current dil she commented on how beautiful it is and asked a couple questions about if people pronounce it right and if i like it. she has been with my son for five years and she had mentioned a couple of times how much she loves my name. besides my name she doesn’t like me very much. she is hyper controlling and doesn’t like that i won’t restructure my entire family so she can have her way. she just has a lot of issues and always seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it is exhausting. when she got pregnant the first thing she did was give me a list of rules and i just found it insulting that she didn’t even wait and let things come up naturally. also there are so many rules that i think she needs to hire a professional and not expect any help from me. we had a huge fight mid pregnancy because i refused to buy any gifts because the list of rules about what to buy was insane. we didn’t speak much for the duration of the pregnancy so i was shocked when she named her daughter “after me” really i just think she likes my name. i’ve only met my granddaughter once and she hovered over me and made me uncomfortable the entire time. she pretty much told me i am never going to be allowed to babysit which is her right, but if i’m such a horrible person why name the baby after me? since it is a fairly uncommon name people were asking about it and they both claimed they named her after me so i commented on a picture that it’s so flattering they named the baby after me but surprising when i’m not actually allowed to have much of s relationship with the baby. she blocked me on all social media.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a fairly unique name which comes from greek mythology. the first time i met my current dil she commented on how beautiful it is and asked a couple questions about if people pronounce it right and if i like it. she has been with my son for five years and she had mentioned a couple of times how much she loves my name. besides my name she doesn’t like me very much. she is hyper controlling and doesn’t like that i won’t restructure my entire family so she can have her way. she just has a lot of issues and always seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it is exhausting. when she got pregnant the first thing she did was give me a list of rules and i just found it insulting that she didn’t even wait and let things come up naturally. also there are so many rules that i think she needs to hire a professional and not expect any help from me. we had a huge fight mid pregnancy because i refused to buy any gifts because the list of rules about what to buy was insane. we didn’t speak much for the duration of the pregnancy so i was shocked when she named her daughter “after me” really i just think she likes my name. i’ve only met my granddaughter once and she hovered over me and made me uncomfortable the entire time. she pretty much told me i am never going to be allowed to babysit which is her right, but if i’m such a horrible person why name the baby after me? since it is a fairly uncommon name people were asking about it and they both claimed they named her after me so i commented on a picture that it’s so flattering they named the baby after me but surprising when i’m not actually allowed to have much of s relationship with the baby. she blocked me on all social media. [/INST] info: what are three examples of her “rules?” why specifically do you say she needs professional help? </s>
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AITA For Firing An Employee After His Parents Died?
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i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long.
we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude.
i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts.
aita?
&#x200b;
\*\*update\*\*\*
holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted.
| 38,438
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvxqh8/aita_for_firing_an_employee_after_his_parents_died/
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2019-06-02 14:10:33
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yta for firing him without first going through the steps of describing his issues to him and giving him a chance to improve. he's been back for only 2-3 weeks.
it's not about "having heart", it's about making a dumb business decision for both you and him. so much smarter to work with this guy to get him back on track after a temporary setback than to push the eject button and have to find and start over with a new person. dumb.
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yta, generally people receive a warning about their performance before they get fired. you gave him bereavement leave and then fired him immediately after because he wasn't performing.
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yta. surely this is a shitpost.
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yup, congrats yta.
if this is isn't a shitpost well done, you pulled a poor mourning kid's remaining stability and livelihood out from under him. 4 weeks after his parents passed away.
hope the rest of the team's moral stays high after this one.
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yta. without a doubt. you gave him 2-3 weeks after he came back before you fired him? that’s not enough time to start underperforming and be fired for someone who didn’t experience such a tragedy. if you really cared or were a decent company, you’d find him a mentor, maybe start pulling him aside and coaching him, find ways to bring up the problems but making it work for you both for at least a couple months. wow.
|
this is a bs story.
1) you’re the vp of sales and are firing inside sales reps? huh, ok...
2) you gave him a month paid leave? your company is so small you personally fired him, but large enough it can pay a full month of leave? even large companies don’t offer that.
3) almost all sales organization will have a performance improvement plan (pip). you put under performing sales employees on a pip which includes clear measurement for improvement. if they don’t improve within the time period allotted, then you fire them.
whose ever heard of a few weeks lackluster performance = firing? this story is garbage or your company sucks.
|
you are absolutely the asshole. 100% yta. death is incredibly serious and takes time to heal from. he is a human being, i am so appauled that you made the decision to do that. the stress of losing people you hold close is completely unimaginable. i can't even begin to understand how much worse that gets after you lose your income directly after. seriously, i am just so disgusted with this action. especially considering he was a great employee who you seemed to feel had room to grow with the company.
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yta- there were better options than just straight up firing him. maybe have a meeting about his job performance? see if he needs counseling? this dude is clearly in the depths of despair, firing him was immature.
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yta. i’ve been a manager for a fair while and this is a horrid way of dealing with it. id be surprised if he doesn’t take your company to an onbudsman for an unfair dismissal. where was the caution, warnings, written letters?
hopefully he’ll have your company and you over a barrel.
edit. ty for the silver. and holy shit, who knew the states was so backwards that you can’t take your employer to court for an unfair dismissal! glad i don’t live there.
|
yta, you didn’t even give him a few weeks slack after he lost not one, but both of his parents! instead of firimg him you could have made a plan to help him get back on track, show him you cared (which you obviously don’t, but still) .. yeah, major dickmove!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long. we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude. i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts. aita? &#x200b; \*\*update\*\*\* holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long. we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude. i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts. aita? &#x200b; \*\*update\*\*\* holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted. [/INST] yta for firing him without first going through the steps of describing his issues to him and giving him a chance to improve. he's been back for only 2-3 weeks. it's not about "having heart", it's about making a dumb business decision for both you and him. so much smarter to work with this guy to get him back on track after a temporary setback than to push the eject button and have to find and start over with a new person. dumb. </s>
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AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?
|
some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith).
surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago:
my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal.
i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother.
my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out.
like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?
| 29,817
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojzd5s/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_of_my_family/
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2021-07-14 07:35:18
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nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock!
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let me get this straight - essentially, the *same exact thing* happens to both you and your sister - you were both cheated on - and you do a remarkably decent thing and adopt the child that resulted from it yet she can't even be in the same room as said child? why does she think her pain from said incident is so much more traumatic than yours? does she even realize, comparatively speaking, what a petty little human she must be? dude, you are so nta and kudos for being a generally good human - we need more people like you in the world today.
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[removed]
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nta
why did your parents tell her, keith would not be around? this makes no sense. and then saying you are an a\*hole? not fair!
you did the right thing in that situation. but try to talk to your sister and tell her, he is your kid! and if she does not want to see him it'll be quite possile you see each other "never again".
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nta, but everyone else other than you (and the kids) sure are.
keith is your son’s brother and even if he weren’t, he’s an innocent child who has no responsibility for his terrible birth parents. **you adopting him was such a wonderful thing to do.** you protected an innocent child from a lifetime of suffering the consequences of his birth parents bad choices and protected your son’s ability to have a relationship with his brother.
it is understandable that your sister would have a hard time with the reminder of what her ex-fiancé did to her, but that’s not the child’s fault or responsibility, there’s no involvement with her ex, and she’s had years* to deal with it and get over it. **keith never did anything to her and her attitude toward him is disgusting.**
**your parents tried to bring the two of you together by lying to both of you** about the main source of your conflict. **that was incredibly stupid and guaranteed to blow up.** the nerve of them to get mad at you for throwing your sister out when she behaved exactly as would have been expected had your parents been honest. had they been honest, you would not have invited her and this whole incident would have never happened.
your sister reacting badly is expected because she too was lied to. she was told keith wouldn’t be there and was blindsided when he was. her attitude toward him is disgusting but her reaction to being blindsided like that is also completely predictable. had your parents not lied to her, she wouldn’t have accepted the invite and this whole incident never would have happened.
and now your mom blames you and is calling you the asshole when **the entire confrontation was your parents doing by choosing to lie to both of her children in a way she knew would escalate the conflict even more than it already was.**
overall, i’d say your parents and your sister are pretty equal on the asshole scale, but **for this particular incident, your parents win the position of top assholes.**
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nta. it's your son. he's not optional. he's part of the package deal and he is very much so family.
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nta, but your parents are. they ambushed your sister by lying about where keith would be. she clearly has unresolved issues about her ex and she reacted emotionally. the situation escalated and your parent are placing blame on the wrong person. your parents are responsible for what happened, not you, but also not your sister. she needs to get help so she can deal with keith being in her family and her life forever, and until then you’re right to keep her away from him. you’re awesome for adopting keith btw, what a selfless, honourable thing to do.
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nta; i just wanna say how amazing it was for you to step up and give this kid a better life even though he wasn’t yours and now is. secondly, she needs to grow up and understand that your son was not at fault for anything.
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absolutely nta. the fact your sister expected you to remove your son, a child, from his home so she can attend a party is insane. it's not the child's fault who his bio parents are and anyone with ill will towards an innocent child because they dislike their parents needs to grow up. you did nothing wrong, you protected your son.
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nta. good job for defending your sons. your sister should be ashamed for how she treats this child. i understand he can represent a bad time for her but it isn’t his fault and he doesn’t know what’s going on.
you are exactly right, you can’t fix how your sister feels and you sure aren’t gonna ask a child to leave so it had to be her and besides you don’t need someone around that’s going to make your son feel bad.
your parents are also major ah because you tried to confirm that your sister was ok with keith but instead they outright lied to everyone
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita? [/INST] nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock! </s>
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AITA for blowing up at my boyfriend's mom when she judged me for leaving after my boyfriend's prank and throwing her cheating husband in her face?
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my boyfriend "matt" and i have been together for two years. his mom "cara" has never liked me and tries the typical mil from hell stuff though he does great shutting it down. cara has calmed down in the past year. she still doesn't like me, but she isn't that interested anymore and no longer tries to break us up. still i don't see myself ever being close to her.
recently we went to an event with cara and her boyfriend. we didn't really go together as there is still tension, but they had extra tickets because a client at his work gave them to him, so they invited matt and i. we did go in one car.
at the event matt thought it would be funny to get down on one knee, act like he was going to propose, and then be like psyche. to be fair he now knows how badly he fucked up and he has been bending over backwards to make up for it. he really didn't understand how not ok it was, but in the moment i was furious.
i found cara who was with her boyfriend and a friend and explained what matt did. she just rolled her eyes. i asked if we could leave as i was no longer able to enjoy myself. cara said no so i said i would be calling an uber. she rolled her eyes again and was like oh my god. i snapped at her that i was hurt and didn't need her judgment. cara said ok whatever she just couldn't imagine ruining everything over a prank.
at this point i was beginning to tear up and i yelled at her that i didn't judge her two years ago when she was acting like an absolute bitch over her cheating husband, taking it out on me, and wouldn't she have just liked someone to support her back then without asking questions.
cara was furious and told me to get away from her. she said i'm evil for bringing that up, called me trash, and her boyfriend and friend agreed. matt also thinks i took it too far and said it's fucked up to throw something that traumatic into a fight.
| 1,519
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y23vkb/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_boyfriends_mom_when_she/
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2022-10-12 13:23:36
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esh. why on earth *would* you go to a woman for whom total indifference represents a marked improvement in your relationship for sympathy? never mind the woman who *raised* the guy who thought this “prank” was a good idea in the first place? it’s past time to ask yourself what you really gain from sticking around to see whether matt ever will be genuinely interested in tying you to his family for life if it just leads to stupid drama like this.
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esh.
* your boyfriend for his silly prank. i assume you've been wanting to marry him? in that case he's deeply insensitive and why on earth are you with him?
* cara for being unsympathetic, but given your history with her, it's weird that you expected any sympathy, leading to...
* you, for going to her, getting an entirely predictable reaction, and then reacting with nasty and inappropriate references to a traumatic experience in her past.
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so you snapped at someone else because your boyfriend embarrassed you? i don't know if your an asshole, your boyfriend certainly is, however, it sounds like a you took a cheap shot because of misdirected anger and it was unwarranted. esh.
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getting cheated on and having your boyfriend fake propose aren't the same thing. plus you're mad at your boyfriend, not his mom. but somehow you made it about his mom. of course she doesn't want to leave, of course you have to get an uber if you want to leave. yta.
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esh. that comment was completely uncalled for and not at all comparable. but seriously run away. matt sounds like he is just as uncaring and emotionally illiterate as cara
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esh. you just had to hit below the belt, didn't you? you couldn't just keep your mouth shut and get that uber, right? well, i hope it feels good that you sunk down to her level. congratulations!! you are just a little bit more of an ah for throwing a temper tantrum in public like a toddler.
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> we didn’t go together…
except, they invited you, drove you, *and* gave you tickets to the event. this is the first hint that *you* may be a massive part of the problem. tbh, the entitlement that’s wrapped up in your statement is disgusting.
your bf played a cruel practical joke on you, and has apologized and is trying to atone. he acted poorly, but he’s making amends. fair enough. matt behaved like an ass, but i don’t think matt *is* an asshole.
you mentioned the issue to cara who is described as being wholly dismissive. she certainly could have responded with more compassion (info: what exactly did you say to cara?), but she’s not obligated to care about your issues. you said it yourself - not only do you believe that you’ll never be close to cara, but you weren’t even really in attendance together in the first place. right?
then you decided to unload on cara, dragging her extremely painful history into the argument, and had the audacity to compare a cheating spouse to a shitty practical joke. that *is* an massive ah move.
honestly, i kinda think there’s a lot more to this story, and i’d love to hear cara’s version of events.
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nta - but why would you want to marry into this family and sign up for a lifetime of this treatment?
there are better men with better families drop this one and fine one of them. life is too short to live like you are living and i definitely wouldn't bring children into this family.
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esh
unnecessary comment, yeah your bf was an ass but you went to his mother for consoling - i’m not surprised she played it down. don’t get why that deserved you bringing up that, totally not needed
also she wasn’t there, so she likely viewed your reaction as an overreaction. i’m not saying that’s fair on her, i think it’s an ah move, but i can see how she’ll have perceived it that way.
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esh, she may be a piece of work, but you bringed stuff that didn't have anything to do with the situation, that happened 2 years ago all in order to hurt her, she's right, that's evil.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.212304
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend "matt" and i have been together for two years. his mom "cara" has never liked me and tries the typical mil from hell stuff though he does great shutting it down. cara has calmed down in the past year. she still doesn't like me, but she isn't that interested anymore and no longer tries to break us up. still i don't see myself ever being close to her. recently we went to an event with cara and her boyfriend. we didn't really go together as there is still tension, but they had extra tickets because a client at his work gave them to him, so they invited matt and i. we did go in one car. at the event matt thought it would be funny to get down on one knee, act like he was going to propose, and then be like psyche. to be fair he now knows how badly he fucked up and he has been bending over backwards to make up for it. he really didn't understand how not ok it was, but in the moment i was furious. i found cara who was with her boyfriend and a friend and explained what matt did. she just rolled her eyes. i asked if we could leave as i was no longer able to enjoy myself. cara said no so i said i would be calling an uber. she rolled her eyes again and was like oh my god. i snapped at her that i was hurt and didn't need her judgment. cara said ok whatever she just couldn't imagine ruining everything over a prank. at this point i was beginning to tear up and i yelled at her that i didn't judge her two years ago when she was acting like an absolute bitch over her cheating husband, taking it out on me, and wouldn't she have just liked someone to support her back then without asking questions. cara was furious and told me to get away from her. she said i'm evil for bringing that up, called me trash, and her boyfriend and friend agreed. matt also thinks i took it too far and said it's fucked up to throw something that traumatic into a fight.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend "matt" and i have been together for two years. his mom "cara" has never liked me and tries the typical mil from hell stuff though he does great shutting it down. cara has calmed down in the past year. she still doesn't like me, but she isn't that interested anymore and no longer tries to break us up. still i don't see myself ever being close to her. recently we went to an event with cara and her boyfriend. we didn't really go together as there is still tension, but they had extra tickets because a client at his work gave them to him, so they invited matt and i. we did go in one car. at the event matt thought it would be funny to get down on one knee, act like he was going to propose, and then be like psyche. to be fair he now knows how badly he fucked up and he has been bending over backwards to make up for it. he really didn't understand how not ok it was, but in the moment i was furious. i found cara who was with her boyfriend and a friend and explained what matt did. she just rolled her eyes. i asked if we could leave as i was no longer able to enjoy myself. cara said no so i said i would be calling an uber. she rolled her eyes again and was like oh my god. i snapped at her that i was hurt and didn't need her judgment. cara said ok whatever she just couldn't imagine ruining everything over a prank. at this point i was beginning to tear up and i yelled at her that i didn't judge her two years ago when she was acting like an absolute bitch over her cheating husband, taking it out on me, and wouldn't she have just liked someone to support her back then without asking questions. cara was furious and told me to get away from her. she said i'm evil for bringing that up, called me trash, and her boyfriend and friend agreed. matt also thinks i took it too far and said it's fucked up to throw something that traumatic into a fight. [/INST] esh. why on earth *would* you go to a woman for whom total indifference represents a marked improvement in your relationship for sympathy? never mind the woman who *raised* the guy who thought this “prank” was a good idea in the first place? it’s past time to ask yourself what you really gain from sticking around to see whether matt ever will be genuinely interested in tying you to his family for life if it just leads to stupid drama like this. </s>
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AITA for shutting the door on my son's face after he came to see me after 6 years of no contact?
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this looks like really asshole but please let me explain.also english is not my first language.
i(50m) am not a career ambitious guy i can say. my father (77m) is a whole different story. he is a retired brain surgeon excelled in academia and also a single parent. he always wanted me to study on top professions(doctor,lawyer,engineer etc.) but i hated the work. i chimed in and started to read engineering but in a topic i like,automotives.after i graduated,i did not stay in the academia or got work in a prestigious company,i opened my own car repair service in a different town than my hometown. my dad never liked this but i was 22 years old,had my own money and he could not interfere it.
i never got married but i had a partner,we broke up but she was pregnant,she wanted to do nothing with the child so i got him(with confirmation of course) and i have named him jacob (26m).
my son is definitely like his grandpa.he is smart,hard working and really ambitious. he was on the excel of his school marks and my dad loved him so much that he would come to my town at his vacations.
in my country,you enter an exam for determining which high school you will go. my son was the regional champion and he was offered offers and scholarships from high schools and colleges nationwide. most of them were ridiculous and as a parent i did not feel comfortable sending him away. also some of them were at my dad's city and i also did not want to send him there because he would be really strict. i wanted him to live his high school times freely so i declined all of it on his behalf,explained him my reasons and registered him to the best school in our region. well,my son got behind my back,called his grandpa and he called on child services with the allegation that i am withholding my.child's education.the social worker and my lawyer suggested me to let the custody because i would lose all rights eventually and the case could be pulled to neglect really easily.(my dad is really smart and powerful).so my dad got the custody and i waved my legal rights.
well,he went to my dad's house and i was lucky if i could see him once in 2 months and talk to him on phone once a week.he would be always busy,studying or doing some volunteer work or would be at vacations with my dad i wasn't invited.i wasn't invited to his high school graduation and after he got to the medical school,he said he was ashamed of me for being lazy and not ambitious. he turned to my father's junior version. after that,we cut all contact with a spiteful fight and my dad saying "you are not part of the bloodline anymore."
8 years later,my door is knocked and there is my son.i could not comprehend for a minute and after i asked what happened,he said my father was terminally ill and he wanted to see me to apologise and he also wanted to apologise to me. i said "you are a little too late for that." and shut the door.he left a minute after.
i still feel really bad about it. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jt29x2/aita_for_shutting_the_door_on_my_sons_face_after/
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2020-11-12 20:16:55
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esh. you made your decision based on your own preferences towards schooling, not what he wanted or even needed. and then he tried to get out of it by working with your father to report you for abuse. there’s a lot of deserved anger and hurt on both sides. the only question is, do you want anything moving forward? is your anger such that you’d rather keep that, rather than your son? he’s willing to make amends. are you?
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yta. did you notice that you’re treating your son the exact same way you hated your father treating you? disappointed he’s not what you wanted him to be, controlling his prospects?
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yta. you did your best to screw up your kid's life and got mad when someone else stepped in. now, despite that, he has decided to extend an olive branch and rebuild your relationship, and you're so bullheaded in your terrible choices that you won't even give him a chance. if anything, you should have been the one on your knees begging him for forgiveness for trying to ruin his life.
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yta. you tried to destroy your son’s prospects and can’t see how badly you could have hurt him. he was 100% right to go to his grandfather so that you didn’t fuck up his ambitious plans. he had every right to cut you out, and the fact you’re not begging on your knees to be let back into his life shows that you haven’t changed and feel no remorse for what you did.
i’m glad he had your father to support him.
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yta
your disliked your father because he wanted you to be like him. your son ended up not being like you, so you turned your back on him. just as your father did.
it’s his life. if he doesn’t want to be “free” and wants to take on a heavy course load, then that’s his choice. you had no right to making those decisions for him. it’s his future, not yours. you became exactly like your father
if you actually supported your son and encouraged him to follow his dreams, then he would’ve never left to see his grandpa and would’ve never ended up like him.
unfortunately, you pushed him away. this is the consequences of your own actions.
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i’m going against the grain to say nta. your parenting and support of your son led to him being the regional championship, clearly living with you was not holding him back that much academically.
nothing in your post says you were pushing him towards your career. you enrolled him in a top school in your area.
this wasn’t an 18 year old leaving for college, this was an (i’m assuming) 13 or 14 year old boy, it is understandable you wouldn’t want your son to move away from you. even further it is understandable you wouldn’t want to your son to live with your parent who treated you like crap.
that said, your son complained to his grandfather and that sucks ... but did your son know your father would call child services? that your father would go to such an extreme?
your son probably saw his grandfather as the doting grandfather that visited on vacations, he probably didn’t know the reality of living with him. you don’t know what happened once he moved in with your father. and it sucks it led to your son being cruel to you, but that was after years of living with your father who was teaching him to be that way.
you have every right to refuse to be in your son’s life, but it’s possible he’s grown and has different views now. just something to consider.
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esh - you didn’t have the right to decline scholarships on your sons behalf, equally they both seem to be in the wrong to tell you how you should be living your life, or whether you decide to follow in your fathers footsteps etc. and it was pretty damn awful of them to cut you out like that.
but at the end of the day, do you want to be in your sons life again or not? that’s your decision man, i wouldn’t let pettiness destroy your family forever if i was you. i’d call him and apologise for slamming the door in his face and tell him you’re ready to hear him out too 🤷🏻♀️ same goes with your father, don’t let the last time you speak to him be out of spite if you love him, say your goodbyes and let things go
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yta. you didn't want to follow in your father's footsteps because you didn't like or excel in school like your father. your son did though and you did everything in your power to force him on your path instead of your father's. you felt you had the right to follow your own path, but your son didn't. keep in mind, this all played out while your son was still a child, so this isn't on him. this is on the two adults. now that your son is an adult and has matured, he's trying to make amends. of the three of you, one has chosen to continue the estrangement and the other two are attempting a reconciliation. i can't believe you're even asking if you're an asshole. you know you are.
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yta. you have no idea how he turned out, you already write your self-justified script. funny, that wine you boast you'll drink wont soothe you, you have become the classist jerk yourself.
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if i was your son that would be the last time you ever saw me
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.06929
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this looks like really asshole but please let me explain.also english is not my first language. i(50m) am not a career ambitious guy i can say. my father (77m) is a whole different story. he is a retired brain surgeon excelled in academia and also a single parent. he always wanted me to study on top professions(doctor,lawyer,engineer etc.) but i hated the work. i chimed in and started to read engineering but in a topic i like,automotives.after i graduated,i did not stay in the academia or got work in a prestigious company,i opened my own car repair service in a different town than my hometown. my dad never liked this but i was 22 years old,had my own money and he could not interfere it. i never got married but i had a partner,we broke up but she was pregnant,she wanted to do nothing with the child so i got him(with confirmation of course) and i have named him jacob (26m). my son is definitely like his grandpa.he is smart,hard working and really ambitious. he was on the excel of his school marks and my dad loved him so much that he would come to my town at his vacations. in my country,you enter an exam for determining which high school you will go. my son was the regional champion and he was offered offers and scholarships from high schools and colleges nationwide. most of them were ridiculous and as a parent i did not feel comfortable sending him away. also some of them were at my dad's city and i also did not want to send him there because he would be really strict. i wanted him to live his high school times freely so i declined all of it on his behalf,explained him my reasons and registered him to the best school in our region. well,my son got behind my back,called his grandpa and he called on child services with the allegation that i am withholding my.child's education.the social worker and my lawyer suggested me to let the custody because i would lose all rights eventually and the case could be pulled to neglect really easily.(my dad is really smart and powerful).so my dad got the custody and i waved my legal rights. well,he went to my dad's house and i was lucky if i could see him once in 2 months and talk to him on phone once a week.he would be always busy,studying or doing some volunteer work or would be at vacations with my dad i wasn't invited.i wasn't invited to his high school graduation and after he got to the medical school,he said he was ashamed of me for being lazy and not ambitious. he turned to my father's junior version. after that,we cut all contact with a spiteful fight and my dad saying "you are not part of the bloodline anymore." 8 years later,my door is knocked and there is my son.i could not comprehend for a minute and after i asked what happened,he said my father was terminally ill and he wanted to see me to apologise and he also wanted to apologise to me. i said "you are a little too late for that." and shut the door.he left a minute after. i still feel really bad about it. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this looks like really asshole but please let me explain.also english is not my first language. i(50m) am not a career ambitious guy i can say. my father (77m) is a whole different story. he is a retired brain surgeon excelled in academia and also a single parent. he always wanted me to study on top professions(doctor,lawyer,engineer etc.) but i hated the work. i chimed in and started to read engineering but in a topic i like,automotives.after i graduated,i did not stay in the academia or got work in a prestigious company,i opened my own car repair service in a different town than my hometown. my dad never liked this but i was 22 years old,had my own money and he could not interfere it. i never got married but i had a partner,we broke up but she was pregnant,she wanted to do nothing with the child so i got him(with confirmation of course) and i have named him jacob (26m). my son is definitely like his grandpa.he is smart,hard working and really ambitious. he was on the excel of his school marks and my dad loved him so much that he would come to my town at his vacations. in my country,you enter an exam for determining which high school you will go. my son was the regional champion and he was offered offers and scholarships from high schools and colleges nationwide. most of them were ridiculous and as a parent i did not feel comfortable sending him away. also some of them were at my dad's city and i also did not want to send him there because he would be really strict. i wanted him to live his high school times freely so i declined all of it on his behalf,explained him my reasons and registered him to the best school in our region. well,my son got behind my back,called his grandpa and he called on child services with the allegation that i am withholding my.child's education.the social worker and my lawyer suggested me to let the custody because i would lose all rights eventually and the case could be pulled to neglect really easily.(my dad is really smart and powerful).so my dad got the custody and i waved my legal rights. well,he went to my dad's house and i was lucky if i could see him once in 2 months and talk to him on phone once a week.he would be always busy,studying or doing some volunteer work or would be at vacations with my dad i wasn't invited.i wasn't invited to his high school graduation and after he got to the medical school,he said he was ashamed of me for being lazy and not ambitious. he turned to my father's junior version. after that,we cut all contact with a spiteful fight and my dad saying "you are not part of the bloodline anymore." 8 years later,my door is knocked and there is my son.i could not comprehend for a minute and after i asked what happened,he said my father was terminally ill and he wanted to see me to apologise and he also wanted to apologise to me. i said "you are a little too late for that." and shut the door.he left a minute after. i still feel really bad about it. aita? [/INST] esh. you made your decision based on your own preferences towards schooling, not what he wanted or even needed. and then he tried to get out of it by working with your father to report you for abuse. there’s a lot of deserved anger and hurt on both sides. the only question is, do you want anything moving forward? is your anger such that you’d rather keep that, rather than your son? he’s willing to make amends. are you? </s>
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AITA for throwing them out of a house that we own. Son and future In-Laws decide to exclude his family from wedding. They thought son owned the house not us.
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my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together.
we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son.
now for the problem: the wedding !!!
we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding.
i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale.
they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted.
am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count.
| 33,295
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vnl1hw/aita_for_throwing_them_out_of_a_house_that_we_own/
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2022-06-29 17:19:30
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nta.
and i want an update on this because it sounds nuts.
what kind of people do they think you are? how was your son ok with excluding his whole family? do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? how did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it?
so many questions.
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nta….you don’t need a lawyer in 30 days, you need one now. i am not familiar with pa tenant laws etc but you need to follow everything by the book so that can’t contest anything. i would also go back and video tape, with time stamp, the entire property, inside and out, so they can be held accountable for any damage done
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nta. they all moved into your house?? that's so bizarre. tell them they're not your kind of people, aka, squatters. 🤣
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nta. i actually find it hilarious he is soo entitled to the house he didn't even expect you to take it back after his actions. i believe this is exactly the reality check he needed.
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nta. but your son must not be very smart. what did he think would happen if he let his in laws try to kick you out of a house you own? why would you let people whose openly say you aren't good enough live rent free in your house?
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nta. excluding his family from the wedding for ridiculous reasons is a pretty big fu to you and your family. he is experiencing the natural consequences of his actions.
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nta- rock on man. he was wrong and there is no amount of excuses or words to convince otherwise. it overall seems toxic and there is no reason why he should allow anyone to exclude his family. i could understand if maybe you haven't been supportive or there were issues but based off what i read it baffles me why he would even do this. don't let in keep going forward if this is the life he wants they can find another house together not use you for an easy life.
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nta. what is wrong with your son?????
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not our kind of people? what, not mooches?
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nta
are you in the market for a new son?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together. we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son. now for the problem: the wedding !!! we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale. they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted. am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together. we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son. now for the problem: the wedding !!! we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale. they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted. am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count. [/INST] nta. and i want an update on this because it sounds nuts. what kind of people do they think you are? how was your son ok with excluding his whole family? do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? how did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it? so many questions. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife I wont/can't watch our son?
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i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income.
this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week.
some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then.
i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?
| 24,274
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okhj6s/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_wontcant_watch_our_son/
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2021-07-15 00:32:31
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nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage.
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esh.
your wife is an asshole for expecting you to take time off rather last minute.
you are an asshole because you are putting all of the child rearing on her even if she is a sahm. this boy is still your son. you working 14 hour days, 6 days a week is freaking ridiculous. very few relationships can even last with work hours like this.
if i am correct, you are a pm in a tech company. if this is the case, you are salary. you aren't getting paid more to work overtime. it really makes me wonder if you are dicking around your computer most the day, which leads to these hours. that or you work at a shitty company. while overtime is common in the tech industry, 80 hour plus weeks are not. even the people i know making 200k a year in tech average 50 or so hour weeks.
something isn't right with this. you really need to start focusing on your family or else you won't have them anymore.
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yta. not specificially because of this moment, but this whole situation.
you work from 5am to 7pm everyday? she is also working from 5am to 7pm taking care of the house and child without help. and hasnt had a saturday without your child for 4 years?
in the moment, she could probably have handled things better, but that kind of work schedule is going to kill your marriage. this is a see the forest through the trees moment.
she wants one day with a friend, and some help around the house. if that can't be managed, if you can't afford to either take time off to help, or hire someone to do it, then what's the point of you working so many hours? what does your bread winning get if she is chained to the house and your kid for 84 hours a week?
she has been the only caregiver of your child for 6 out of 7 days for 4 years. if the two of you split, she'd be looking at at least 2-3 days to herself a week. but she has chosen to stay with you for four years despite basically being a single parent. she wants one day. figure it out.
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> i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat
why would you choose to live like that? i've been a programmer in industry for over a decade and i can count the number of 12 hour days i've worked on one hand. i think i can guess who you work for (seattle's a hint) and i can tell you that most of the rest of the industry isn't nearly as bad. if you've got experience it's not hard to find a job making 150-250k with a 40-45 hour work week.
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it’s sounds like she barely has a husband with those hours. that might be the actual issue.
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info—op, have you ever taken care of your son for an entire day so your wife could do other things? do you know what functional single parenting looks like?
i’m curious because men who say their wives “don’t work, they stay at home with the kids” are frequently unaware that their wife absolutely works—wearing the hats of childcare, housework, feeding and cleaning all at the same time.
perhaps i’m mistaken, if you are in fact providing for someone (who isn’t your wife) to do daily childcare, a maid, a cook and a personal assistant.
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dude. take a day off.
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yta not a huge one, but a workaholic one for sure. it sounds like your wife has been providing all the childcare, most of the housework and never gets a day off sans kid. your failure to create any work/life balance is impacting your marriage and at this rate she'll go back to work and be the single parent you've functionally made her.
|
[deleted]
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yta - 5am to 7pm? dude, what are you doing?
your wife is basically a single parent. i get you earn the money but you seem to be ignoring your parental responsibilities. start pulling your weight at home!
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null | null |
INFO
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.248827
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita? [/INST] nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage. </s>
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AITA for eating a lot at a wedding buffet?
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i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight.
my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute.
this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception.
i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home.
now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating.
she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended.
once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done.
i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit?
| 13,668
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7ee4u/aita_for_eating_a_lot_at_a_wedding_buffet/
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2019-09-21 18:41:36
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yta - there's a big difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. if you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen.
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this is where you were the asshole.
>**i don't know if this matters, but i was mainly eating chicken and lamb, not veggies or rice/bread.**
when you want to eat a lot of something, you don't take all the best parts and leave the dense carbs. you should have been eating some bread and rice as well.
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yta. not only did you eat way more of your fair share of the buffet, you mainly ate the proteins, meaning you likely took someone elses portion.
and "we contributed". no, your parents may have contributed, but unless you personally sent your aunt $150+ you definitely did not cover three plates of food for yourself.
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yta. for trying to go back for thirds. going back for seconds, ok i would let that slide but taking a third plate of ridiculous. however after everyone had eaten and if there was food left over i see no reason you couldn’t eat the left over food. but the part that makes you an asshole is the entitlement. you didn’t pay for anything your parents did. you have no experience in the real world and have no clue how much weddings really cost. eating like that at a wedding, any wedding is rude. you’re at a wedding which is a nice event not golden corral.
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the food is for the guests. no bride and groom wants to take home 20 portions of food. as long as there was enough food for everyone, i can’t see your moms point. nta.
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nta
we had a buffet at our wedding and there was so much food left over at the end it was insane.
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nta. where do all of you people live that you're expected to pay for food at a wedding? until this last week on reddit i'd never heard of such a thing. part of the cost of hosting a wedding is supplying your guests with food and drink... i've been to dozens of weddings in my life and never once has a guest been asked to cough up cash to attend. hosts pay for food and drink and the venue and entertainment and in exchange guests bring themselves and gifts for the couple.
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yta, but only because it was a wedding.
totally get the athlete = eating a ton thing. my brother used to scarf down 2 chipotle burritos when he played football in high school. however, a wedding is one of those few social events where you should really just keep your head down and do what's expected. sure, they're probably not going to care/notice if you ate a bit more than others, but that's where the social norm thing comes in.
i'm not super familiar with how food costs work out at a wedding, but even though it's a buffet, there's a reason your mom paid for 2 plates for you, and you should've stuck within that limit.
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info - had everyone else had the opportunity to eat by the time you went for seconds? how long after the buffet opening did you go back for seconds (and thirds)?
sorry for being judgemental based on your age, but when you say "we chipped in" do you mean your mom?
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am i understanding correctly that you guys paid for 2 meals *just* for you? if so, i think nta. i have never been to an event where a buffet ran out of food. especially where there’s dancing and socializing going on as well.
who cares if you eat the food left over after everyone has gone for at least 1-2 trips?
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.942809
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight. my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute. this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception. i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home. now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating. she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended. once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done. i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight. my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute. this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception. i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home. now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating. she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended. once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done. i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit? [/INST] yta - there's a big difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. if you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen. </s>
|
AITA for calling the police on my fiance?
|
last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45.
10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now.
11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset
12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry.
1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read.
around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry.
at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time.
i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did.
my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise.
my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again.
so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?
| 27,772
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1h40p/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_fiance/
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2022-10-11 18:54:51
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nta...but you know she's lying, right?
|
an actual portrayal of that evening -
somewhere, in a bed around 2 towns over from op’s house:
12am
him - ‘babe, don’t go, just stay the night once. say you fell asleep in the car on a 30 minute drive. let’s turn off the phone and go to sleep’
her “hey why not. but make sure you set your alarm for 6am, so i can get back to take the kids to school.”
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nta - i don't believe her story one bit. driving a kid home and disappearing for the entire night is a massive red flag. how does she not even know where he lives when she started the drive? how old is this kid?
pulling over and sleeping on the side of a road for a 30-minute drive is nuts. she is now turning this around to say she is the victim of your actions.
|
i think your fiancé is getting railed two towns over my guy
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nta
but you know that isn't the truth, right?
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nta. she said she was on her way home at 10:15 pm and then disappeared until 7 am. of course you were going to call the police and have them go looking for her. if she’d been in an accident or worse, she would’ve been dead if you’d waited two days to call.
that being said, she’s definitely lying about what happened. it honestly sounds more like she fell asleep at her affair partner’s place and concocted that bogus excuse to cover her ass.
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nta. something is up. that excuse doesn't fly. it just doesn't make sense that she'd sleep all night in her car to avoid a 30-minute drive home.
i don't blame you for calling the cops, and her reaction is out of line. i think she's hiding something.
if her friend's son was 30 minutes away then she should have been back by 9.
i'm 95% sure she's lying to you about where she was. sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.
|
nta.
but even if that phone was dropped in a toilet... it was working when she got home.....
it is policy for them to check in person because they have to see that the person is alive and well, because anyone could make a phone call and say it.
but dude.
thirty minutes away, stops to sleep on the side?
if you reported her missing her car would also be noted. if she was on the side sleeping somewhere, wouldn't they have seen the car and well woken her up?
her story reeks. don't fall for it dude. she's still only a fiance. don't make her a wife before this is cleared up with legitimate reasons. because none of hers seem right.
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the amount of time is off, getting and sleeping in the car. we aren't talking about hours long of a drive, just the town over. maybe an hour tops. if she was so tired she could have stayed with her friend, not drive to some random area in between to sleep until 7am. on a secluded area the car wasn't seen by police actively looking for it. sleeping in a car is not comfortable either, or safe. i woke regularly every few hours. after the first nap, at least driving home and make it to the bed where she knows her fiance is worried.
she's lying and she's not a good liar either. at least keep it simple. phone doesn't work because of a puddle, but it hasn't rained in weeks. oh, it was the toilet. why is the phone working now? phone ran out of charge, must have not charged it fully before the day started, happens all the time, and the car charger didn't work. that's a cheaper and easier replacement.
|
info
so you actually believe the story your fiance is selling you?
look man...your fiance cheated on you. she didn't fall asleep on the side of the road. her brand new phone didn't stop working
she was with someone else
stop being so naive
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.007141
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests? [/INST] nta...but you know she's lying, right? </s>
|
AITA for burning bridges with my in-laws at my husband's funeral?
|
i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college.
when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer.
but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline.
the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly.
the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole."
jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side.
aita?
| 23,791
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fegt59/aita_for_burning_bridges_with_my_inlaws_at_my/
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2020-03-06 17:26:07
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nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son.
i am so sorry that this happened to you.
|
nta. she asked for advice, she got it. and you know what? yeah it's too broad, but you were abused and freshly out. so no, not everyone who joins the military will end up like he did, but you gave your honest sisterly advice. (and yes, it might have traumatized her, but in the end if she sees the truth she may ask you to talk with her about how things changed. she may ask for the better memories of her brother. )
sorry, i'm not too sure this is coherent but hopefully it makes sense.
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nah, but given the context, you're reaaaal close to yta, despite tir circumstances. everyone processes grief (or lack thereof) differently. they of course still loved him, so to them, you just insulted their recently deceased brother/son/cousin right after his funeral. they didn't have the same experience as you and fall out of love with him, so for them, the comment was cruel. it doesn't take into context your experience.
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yta. typically it is bad to say negative things about others at their funeral, especially in front of their grieving family. you should have made the conversation more private, and you shouldn't have elaborated unless prompted.
i agree entirely with your sentiment. your intentions were good, but wrong place and wrong time.
|
[removed]
|
esh.
your sil asked a dumb-ass question. as far as she knew, you just lost your husband, and so that's maybe not a good time to bring up her budding love life.
said husbands funeral is neither the time nor the place for you to say that. not to mention that all military people are not the same. they're as diverse as civilians. 6 member of my family all served, and not one of them *ever* behaved like your husband did (though 4 of them are middle-eastern, so they don't say things like "dirty little sheet head" for a different reason).
|
nta. you were abused, she asked for advice and you gave it. funeral or not, honesty is always the best choice. his parents are hurting of course, but that doesn't mean they should be lied to or have the truth hidden from them. lies and omission absolutely suck.
the assholes for me are your husband and your parents for not sympathizing with you after he literally abused you.
|
nta.
ex-navy wife here. it's a brutal life in a lot of ways and civilians cannot, and never will, understand. you were also probably away from the family for your postings, so they only remember the man you married, not the man he became.
you have your remembrance, they have theirs. i would not apologize, but might say, "things changed while we were in and if i could go back, i would have encouraged jake to not enlist, but whatever you (jake's little sister) choose to do, i will always be here for you."
as for the fam, yours and his, they can pound sand. you are the a widow of a military man. you have grown beyond having to appease your family.
|
dude nta
i'm a female veteran, i've seen husband's do their civillian wives so dirty and the women too. could you have said it better? probably. but that was probably the worst time to ask that question. you went through it not your family and not his family. you should probably seek some help and talk this out with a professional though.
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soft yta - i'm not denying your pain or your issues with jake. but that was cruel and insensitive to do at that time. i can also appreciate that you were under a lot of emotional turmoil yourself.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
|
YTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.377705
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita? [/INST] nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son. i am so sorry that this happened to you. </s>
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AITA for not wanting her to wear this dress to our wedding?
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my fiancé has a dress she wants to wear for our wedding but i don't want her to. the catch is she bought the dress for a prior engagement, but she never wore it or walked down the isle in it and he never saw it. i don't want her to wear it because that particular dress was meant for another man and want her to get a separate dress for our wedding. she wants to wear it because she absolutely loves the dress and says she got it not for him, but for herself. i understand where she's coming from but i'm still not comfortable with her wearing it. so aita for telling her i don't want her to wear it for our wedding?
| 2,978
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiu1vt/aita_for_not_wanting_her_to_wear_this_dress_to/
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2020-03-15 02:10:05
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nah. i can understand feeling like this is a fresh start, pick a fresh dress.
on the other hand, finding **the** dress is a really big deal for most women. and it’s hard to find another “the dress” *again* if you haven’t worn the first one.
maybe give her a budget for some honeymoon lingerie she can wear *just for you*.
she’s marrying you. the dress isn’t marrying you.
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yta it’s her choice. and she didn’t pick the dress out for another man, she picked the dress out for herself. you have some jealousy issues to work on
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nah
i get where you're coming from, but i'd try to let it go if you can. wedding dresses are so expensive and if she already has one she loves then it's just a huge waste of money to buy another one. she didn't buy it for another man, she bought it because she felt beautiful and confident in it, which is hopefully exactly how you want her to feel when she's walking toward you on the day.
maybe a compromise is that you can go shopping together to find a dress for the reception?
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very, very mild yta. i don't think this dress was about you or about him.
sounds like she found her dream dress. she wants to wear it regardless about who she gets married to. if she knew she wanted a specific type of flower used in arrangements for her prior engagement, would you be upset if she chose the same ones now?
i think you are making a mistake that because a woman wants to look good, even when she wants to look good for a so, that it's about them, not about her. this dress is the dress that she feels beautiful in for her wedding. she didn't know when she bought it that the man she was walking towards was you, but that doesn't change the dress and how she feels in it, which is beautiful.
telling her that you don't want her to wear it to the wedding is way over the line. she bought the dress, she loves the dress, you haven't claimed that it's socially inappropriate for the setting, so objecting is about your insecurity's.
if you tell her not to wear it, and she doesn't love her replacement dress, then every single time she looks at photos of herself, with you, on your wedding day, wearing the dress she didn't want, she's going to be reminded of the dress she could have worn.
right now the dress she wants to wear has no ties to her ex. but if she wears a dress she doesn't like as much, you might tie her memories to something negative.
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nah she loves the dress, and like she said, she got it hot her, not him. she loves it and feels she looks best in it, an understandably wants to look and feel her absolute best on her wedding day.
that being said your feelings are valid and understandable.
tbh this seems more of a communication problem than an asshole problem. talk to each other!
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yta a lot of women think about their dream wedding dress, as girls, before they ever even meet their future husbands. i understand where you are coming from, but believe her when she said she got the dress for herself. it’s not like she actually wore it down the aisle.
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nah tending into y t a
i see where you're coming from so i don't think you're an ah but i do think you are wrong here.
a wedding dress is indeed something a bride chooses for herself. your fiancee has found her dream dress that symbolizes everything she wants for herself on her wedding day. for herself. she didn't choose this dress for the other man, she's not choosing it for you. she chose it for herself.
if she buys another dress it won't be the dream dress. why would you want her to feel anything less than perfect on your special day?
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[deleted]
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yta - she loves the dress, i would be so upset if my fiancée didn’t want to me wear the dress i fell in love with. i didn’t buy it for my ex-fiancée - i bought it because it made me feel beautiful. i can’t even begin to describe how much of an asshole you are. wedding dresses are very important to (some) women and they try on dozens to find the one. she can’t just go “pick another dress.”
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nah
you are not wrong for the feelings you have
she is also the one wearing the dress and made the investment emotionally and financially (possibly)
please have an open, honest and civil discussion with her and state your feelings, but please be prepared if she's going to stick to her guns and respect that decision. or if it's that much of a deal breaker don't go through with the marriage.
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.517608
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancé has a dress she wants to wear for our wedding but i don't want her to. the catch is she bought the dress for a prior engagement, but she never wore it or walked down the isle in it and he never saw it. i don't want her to wear it because that particular dress was meant for another man and want her to get a separate dress for our wedding. she wants to wear it because she absolutely loves the dress and says she got it not for him, but for herself. i understand where she's coming from but i'm still not comfortable with her wearing it. so aita for telling her i don't want her to wear it for our wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé has a dress she wants to wear for our wedding but i don't want her to. the catch is she bought the dress for a prior engagement, but she never wore it or walked down the isle in it and he never saw it. i don't want her to wear it because that particular dress was meant for another man and want her to get a separate dress for our wedding. she wants to wear it because she absolutely loves the dress and says she got it not for him, but for herself. i understand where she's coming from but i'm still not comfortable with her wearing it. so aita for telling her i don't want her to wear it for our wedding? [/INST] nah. i can understand feeling like this is a fresh start, pick a fresh dress. on the other hand, finding **the** dress is a really big deal for most women. and it’s hard to find another “the dress” *again* if you haven’t worn the first one. maybe give her a budget for some honeymoon lingerie she can wear *just for you*. she’s marrying you. the dress isn’t marrying you. </s>
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Aita for taking away my son's inheritance?
|
thanks everyone for your help! i really appreciate all the comments. i was told i should ask r/relationship_advice about my 4th edit. thanks again.
hello. i will try to make this brief. i (56) and my wife (54) have a son (23) who just got married he is an only child. my wife and i came to america when i was 22 years old. we knew no one had no jobs, but over the years we got a small restaurant and were able to make a living. 10 years after we got to the usa we brought my mil over. we had saved for years to give our son money when he turned 25. in our culture you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old (so they can buy a bigger house, etc.). this is our culture our son knew about this his whole life. his grandmother has lived with us has entire life. she just turned 81 and still lives with us.
my son got married in december. it was a nice wedding and his wife is very nice (she is a white-american. i am not adding that because i believe she is racist, but it will explain some cultural differences). in march, all 5 of us were having dinner and his wife mentioned that they were going to start looking at houses when the pandemic is over. my wife mentioned a bedroom on the first floor for we come to live with them. my wife said it in a joking way. we weren’t planning to live with them for another 10+ years, at least until we retire. my daughter-in-law looked shocked. she asked why we can’t just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night. my son then tells me that she isn’t used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make.
honestly, i and my wife didn’t know what to say. our son gave us the impression that he was fine with us living with him when we our older. he would even show us guest homes and the like from magazines. currently, we have about 800k saved that we planned to give our son. it’s not a huge amount to support 3 people especially older people. after they left, my wife and i discussed our options and we decided that our best course of action was to speak with our bank and use our money for retirement. he knows about the money, but not how much. i told my son and daughter in law about the new plan and my son got made at me. saying that he planned to use some of the money for a down payment on a house. this is our only money for retirement. it was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us. we have to take care of ourselves now and don’t feel like we owe him the money. aita?
| 4,604
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/haiedg/aita_for_taking_away_my_sons_inheritance/
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2020-06-17 02:39:22
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nah.
expectations change and that's fine. if he's not going to take care of you, you need the money to take care of yourself. that's really all there is to it.
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nta. your son has been well aware of what that money was for his entire life. he chose not to tell his wife anything about it and chose not to volunteer the information to you that it wouldn't be happening (you only found out because of a fluke in random conversation). why on earth would he think for even a minute that he would still get money to take care of you when he had no intention of actually taking care of you? at this point even if he said he changed his mind i wouldn't give him a penny without getting something drawn up by an attorney and signed by all of you stating what you expect in exchange for the money.
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nta - i think this could be a "no assholes here" situation but given his response and how he continues to act then he could be an asshole.
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nta, and as for what you say to your son, he's an adult and he needs to hear the truth, which is that you need that money to care for yourself, his mother, and his grandmother.
in the us, kids usually don't get their inheritance until their parents die, so the parents can take care of themselves in their old age and the kids get whatever's left over. if he's going to use american traditions as his guide, he'll have to wait for the money until you don't need it anymore.
there's no law that a 23-year-old gets a 3 quarters of a million dollar house as a wedding present. most kids his cohort are probably paying off student loans and are a decade from home ownership. it won't hurt him to rent or buy a less expensive home.
|
going for nta. you're not the hole, but neither is your dil. your son might well be though, as well as being spineless.
it sounds like the deal is either:
'have the money now and plan for us living with you'
**or**
'we don't live with you and you get what's left after we're gone'
whatever happens you need to have a sensible talk with your son and dil. by the sounds of it you weren't wrong to expect the tradition to continue, considering what your son has been saying - ***however***, your dil is definitely not in the wrong to be taken aback by, and reject the idea of live-in in-laws.
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nta. absolutely nta. that money was to help him support you, since he doesn't plan to, you need to figure out how to safely retire. your plans have been changed, it's lucky you found out now. i wouldn't bother telling him how much he's missed out on because that will create tension.
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nah. good for you for realizing that you can't assume that the traditions of your home country will be acceptable to the next generation, particularly for a mixed-culture marriage. i know a lot of multigenerational households, but none of the 20-something kids want their parents to move in. plan on buying a small townhouse or condo for the 2 of you to retire into. if you can give your son 5% ($40k) to launch his own life it will be very generous and more than you had at his age.
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nta, that’s essentially your substitute to a traditional 401k, that’s about on par with an average lifetime savings. you *will* need that for a fulfilling and enjoyable retirement. you have supported your son for many years, and the fact that he does not show the slightest inclination to support you during retirement is sad. as a 25 year old son of an immigrant myself who’s parents has given me so much to me in my life... it’s sad to see others in a similar boat that are blind to the sacrifices their parents have made. nta and for reassurance, you shouldn’t even feel the slightest bit guilty. i think in due time your son will understand your point of view.
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nta.
i was expecting this to be you cutting him out of the will rather than retirement money. my answer would've been a little different if that was the case.
y'all need to live and eat too. if your son gets upset about that, then that's his problem.
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definitely not ta. however, a discussion about that well before they got married might have changed the outcome. your son knows about your culture and his wife probably should have been informed and consulted. she may not have said no, it's just a shock when it's brought up and you're the only one who didn't know about it.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.002566
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: thanks everyone for your help! i really appreciate all the comments. i was told i should ask r/relationship_advice about my 4th edit. thanks again. hello. i will try to make this brief. i (56) and my wife (54) have a son (23) who just got married he is an only child. my wife and i came to america when i was 22 years old. we knew no one had no jobs, but over the years we got a small restaurant and were able to make a living. 10 years after we got to the usa we brought my mil over. we had saved for years to give our son money when he turned 25. in our culture you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old (so they can buy a bigger house, etc.). this is our culture our son knew about this his whole life. his grandmother has lived with us has entire life. she just turned 81 and still lives with us. my son got married in december. it was a nice wedding and his wife is very nice (she is a white-american. i am not adding that because i believe she is racist, but it will explain some cultural differences). in march, all 5 of us were having dinner and his wife mentioned that they were going to start looking at houses when the pandemic is over. my wife mentioned a bedroom on the first floor for we come to live with them. my wife said it in a joking way. we weren’t planning to live with them for another 10+ years, at least until we retire. my daughter-in-law looked shocked. she asked why we can’t just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night. my son then tells me that she isn’t used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make. honestly, i and my wife didn’t know what to say. our son gave us the impression that he was fine with us living with him when we our older. he would even show us guest homes and the like from magazines. currently, we have about 800k saved that we planned to give our son. it’s not a huge amount to support 3 people especially older people. after they left, my wife and i discussed our options and we decided that our best course of action was to speak with our bank and use our money for retirement. he knows about the money, but not how much. i told my son and daughter in law about the new plan and my son got made at me. saying that he planned to use some of the money for a down payment on a house. this is our only money for retirement. it was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us. we have to take care of ourselves now and don’t feel like we owe him the money. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
thanks everyone for your help! i really appreciate all the comments. i was told i should ask r/relationship_advice about my 4th edit. thanks again. hello. i will try to make this brief. i (56) and my wife (54) have a son (23) who just got married he is an only child. my wife and i came to america when i was 22 years old. we knew no one had no jobs, but over the years we got a small restaurant and were able to make a living. 10 years after we got to the usa we brought my mil over. we had saved for years to give our son money when he turned 25. in our culture you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old (so they can buy a bigger house, etc.). this is our culture our son knew about this his whole life. his grandmother has lived with us has entire life. she just turned 81 and still lives with us. my son got married in december. it was a nice wedding and his wife is very nice (she is a white-american. i am not adding that because i believe she is racist, but it will explain some cultural differences). in march, all 5 of us were having dinner and his wife mentioned that they were going to start looking at houses when the pandemic is over. my wife mentioned a bedroom on the first floor for we come to live with them. my wife said it in a joking way. we weren’t planning to live with them for another 10+ years, at least until we retire. my daughter-in-law looked shocked. she asked why we can’t just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night. my son then tells me that she isn’t used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make. honestly, i and my wife didn’t know what to say. our son gave us the impression that he was fine with us living with him when we our older. he would even show us guest homes and the like from magazines. currently, we have about 800k saved that we planned to give our son. it’s not a huge amount to support 3 people especially older people. after they left, my wife and i discussed our options and we decided that our best course of action was to speak with our bank and use our money for retirement. he knows about the money, but not how much. i told my son and daughter in law about the new plan and my son got made at me. saying that he planned to use some of the money for a down payment on a house. this is our only money for retirement. it was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us. we have to take care of ourselves now and don’t feel like we owe him the money. aita? [/INST] nah. expectations change and that's fine. if he's not going to take care of you, you need the money to take care of yourself. that's really all there is to it. </s>
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AITA for cancelling the visit my ex husband arranged to have the kids before his surgery?
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my husband (34m) and i (35f) have been seperated for 2 years, we have 2 kids (8f, 6m) that i have custody of due to their father's chronic illness that's gotten worse before the divorce. he gets visitation (sometimes he sees them when he's at the hospital and although we agree, his mom is always there trying to stir drama.
the day before my sister's engagement party took place, my ex husband called telling me he wanted me to bring the kids to spend some time before his surgery. he explained needing to see them before the surgery for a* support and b* he misses them and might not be able to see them for weeks. i asked what day he wanted them and he said tomorrow. i said sorry but the kids were going to attend their aunt's engagement party which's 2hours away from town. he said this is the only day he could see them before his surgery and kept pressing me to bring them to him cause the party wasn't necessary, not like it was a wedding. i said their aunt wanted them there and he argued that i should understand that he's worried and need to see the kids to get some peace of mind. i got mad and told him off after he raised his voice at me. i promised i'll have the kids see him once he's out of surgery but he hung on me after ranting about how i don't understand his position.
i had the kids call him and then we went to the party, after i got back, my former mil came at me calling me unhinged and claiming i been purposefully keeping her son from his children in his most vulnerable time. i told her about my compromise but she responded by saying that her son got an infection and has to spend 5+ days in the icu so she's blaming me for him not seeing the kids for this long, even though the infection was not predicted. she yelled i could've let the kids spend the day with their dad instead of taking them to the engagement party were they were "miserable". she accused me of using the kids to get back at her son that's when i cut the argument. my sister said this woman is the one unhinged but dad said i made a mistake and should've let the kids stay with their dad before his surgery since medical problems occur unexpectedly and so my promise to have the kids see him right after surgery wasn't valid but it didn't occur to me.
aita?
| 5,449
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tw7q15/aita_for_cancelling_the_visit_my_ex_husband/
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2022-04-04 17:27:58
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info
how far ahead is visitation normally planned between you?
what category of surgery are we talking about? minor routine surgery or major life-changing surgery?
how long ago was this surgery scheduled? was it last minute or weeks in planning?
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yta
this is their father.
he is going into surgery.
he may not come out (and this may be partly why he wants to see his kids before the surgery), complications arise and death can occur even for small surgeries.
i think this trumps a party since it’s serious.
did you ask your kids what they wanted?
ex-mil was out of line and should have butt out.
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yta, of course the infection wasn't "planned", but that's why he wanted to see his kids before the surgery. in case anything unplanned happened which would mean he would be in the hospital for longer. things go wrong with surgeries all the time, it was completely reasonable for your ex to want to see his kids before the surgery, and it's not his fault for being unable to magically plan for a specific infection.
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info: was this a planned surgery? as in, how long before he asked you about the kids did he find out about it?
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this is a yta. the kids spending time with their dad is 100% more important than their aunt wanting them at an engagement party. their aunt "wanting them their" should not have been a priority. their dad is chronically ill and may not live to see them graduate or get married. spending as much time as possible with them so that they have memories and things to hold onto needs to be the focus.
it was an engagement party. it's not like it was kid focused or even an event for kids.
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yta. tbh all the other stuff (sister's engagement, your ex-husband's wife, the drama, etc is all fluff). **this is more so a question of whether or not you have the right to prevent your kids from seeing your chronically ill ex-husband. to clarify i'm not talking about legal rights, i'm mean morally speaking.**
having to be in an icu is never a good thing, especially for someone with a chronic illness getting an infection and needs surgery. there are such increased risks for complications and/or death here and he is likely scared he may never see his kids again. i think that would trump an engagement party...have some damn compassion. the kids would not give a crap about an engagement party anyway and there would be a guardian to look after them while you're away.
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yta. who cares about an engagement party? definitely not a 6 year old and an 8 year old.
stop using your kids as a weapon to punish your ex. you have custody because he’s chronically ill, and the fact that you are using that control to exert power over the father of your children, especially right before a major surgery that resulted in complications, is so disgusting. you’re ex-mil isn’t “unhinged”, she’s *right*. what you did is appalling
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yta.
i'm sure that if he died from complications your kids will be ***super glad*** that they attended their aunt's engagement party instead of seeing their dad for what could have been the last time and that's why before surgery wasn't a compromise.
yeesh, i got dragged to all kinds of "parties" as a kid and all i did was get trotted out for photos and then left to my own amusements until the adults were done. i'd have rather been at home with frozen pizza and quantum leap.
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yikes. yta.
even the simplest, most routine surgeries can go wrong. people have unexpected complications and die during surgery all the time. he begged to see his children before hand in case he didn't make it out. he was scared and upset and just wanted to see his kids. what if he didn't make it out and didn't get to see his kids one last time because you thought an engagement party was more important?
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yta. all surgery comes with risk, no matter how small or minor and you already stated that their father has a chronic health condition so risks are probably heightened. he was clearly anxious and scared and feared he might not see them again so asked one simple thing of you - to see his kids before the surgery in case it was the last time. he also feared that even if things did go well, his recovery would be lengthy and he wouldn't be able to see them for a long time afterward and that upset him...
and you prioritised a party that was important to *you* and likely not important to your children, or their relationship to their father or the potential trauma they could have experienced had they lost him? think about that for a moment.
and guess what, there was a complication post surgery and now he is in the icu. his recovery could take even longer, or god forbid, things could take a turn for the worst there. hope the party was worth it.
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (34m) and i (35f) have been seperated for 2 years, we have 2 kids (8f, 6m) that i have custody of due to their father's chronic illness that's gotten worse before the divorce. he gets visitation (sometimes he sees them when he's at the hospital and although we agree, his mom is always there trying to stir drama. the day before my sister's engagement party took place, my ex husband called telling me he wanted me to bring the kids to spend some time before his surgery. he explained needing to see them before the surgery for a* support and b* he misses them and might not be able to see them for weeks. i asked what day he wanted them and he said tomorrow. i said sorry but the kids were going to attend their aunt's engagement party which's 2hours away from town. he said this is the only day he could see them before his surgery and kept pressing me to bring them to him cause the party wasn't necessary, not like it was a wedding. i said their aunt wanted them there and he argued that i should understand that he's worried and need to see the kids to get some peace of mind. i got mad and told him off after he raised his voice at me. i promised i'll have the kids see him once he's out of surgery but he hung on me after ranting about how i don't understand his position. i had the kids call him and then we went to the party, after i got back, my former mil came at me calling me unhinged and claiming i been purposefully keeping her son from his children in his most vulnerable time. i told her about my compromise but she responded by saying that her son got an infection and has to spend 5+ days in the icu so she's blaming me for him not seeing the kids for this long, even though the infection was not predicted. she yelled i could've let the kids spend the day with their dad instead of taking them to the engagement party were they were "miserable". she accused me of using the kids to get back at her son that's when i cut the argument. my sister said this woman is the one unhinged but dad said i made a mistake and should've let the kids stay with their dad before his surgery since medical problems occur unexpectedly and so my promise to have the kids see him right after surgery wasn't valid but it didn't occur to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (34m) and i (35f) have been seperated for 2 years, we have 2 kids (8f, 6m) that i have custody of due to their father's chronic illness that's gotten worse before the divorce. he gets visitation (sometimes he sees them when he's at the hospital and although we agree, his mom is always there trying to stir drama. the day before my sister's engagement party took place, my ex husband called telling me he wanted me to bring the kids to spend some time before his surgery. he explained needing to see them before the surgery for a* support and b* he misses them and might not be able to see them for weeks. i asked what day he wanted them and he said tomorrow. i said sorry but the kids were going to attend their aunt's engagement party which's 2hours away from town. he said this is the only day he could see them before his surgery and kept pressing me to bring them to him cause the party wasn't necessary, not like it was a wedding. i said their aunt wanted them there and he argued that i should understand that he's worried and need to see the kids to get some peace of mind. i got mad and told him off after he raised his voice at me. i promised i'll have the kids see him once he's out of surgery but he hung on me after ranting about how i don't understand his position. i had the kids call him and then we went to the party, after i got back, my former mil came at me calling me unhinged and claiming i been purposefully keeping her son from his children in his most vulnerable time. i told her about my compromise but she responded by saying that her son got an infection and has to spend 5+ days in the icu so she's blaming me for him not seeing the kids for this long, even though the infection was not predicted. she yelled i could've let the kids spend the day with their dad instead of taking them to the engagement party were they were "miserable". she accused me of using the kids to get back at her son that's when i cut the argument. my sister said this woman is the one unhinged but dad said i made a mistake and should've let the kids stay with their dad before his surgery since medical problems occur unexpectedly and so my promise to have the kids see him right after surgery wasn't valid but it didn't occur to me. aita? [/INST] info how far ahead is visitation normally planned between you? what category of surgery are we talking about? minor routine surgery or major life-changing surgery? how long ago was this surgery scheduled? was it last minute or weeks in planning? </s>
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AITA for telling my family to stop celebrating?
|
6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii.
maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things.
that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better.
i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie.
i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me.
aita?
| 24,256
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hugvzj/aita_for_telling_my_family_to_stop_celebrating/
|
2020-07-20 07:11:01
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nta
your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up.
but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief.
might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support.
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nta, your family celebrated a cash cow and didn’t even acknowledge your loss. make sure they never see a penny of it btw, clearly they’ve got as much sense as mashed potato.
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nta whatsoever. it sounds like you and maggie brought each other such immense happiness and joy, and that warms my heart so incredibly.
your family is being immensely insensitive.
info, tho: how old are you?
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nta. i am sorry for your loss.
advice: be very very careful of telling people you have that kind of money when you can access it and allow no one any of the bank information, even family. my entire, very large, family no longer speaks to each other over money left to my mom who cared for her mother her entire adult life. it can make the nicest people absolute monsters. also, invest a lot in a retirement account with good interest. you will thank yourself when you can retire 10 years early and do whatever the heck you want. a prenuptial if you get married is also wise.
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i'll say nah.
it's obvious you're hurt and in pain to have lost someone you were close to, and i understand why you would want maggie back rather than having her money.
on the other hand, being able to send you and your brother to college might have been one of your parent's biggest worry. learning that, thanks to maggie, your college fund is being taken care of must be a huge relief for them, because it means you could go and do whatever you want in college. their financial health won't decide which college you will attend.
and it's clear that they weren't as close to maggie as you were. so they might not share your pain.
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nta, while money is nice money isn’t everything and you are grieving. your family should have know and respected that.
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nta
would i be corrected in assuming you'd prefer to spend more time with maggie than lots of money?
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nah- they may not have realized that you would feel so deeply about a 94 year old's death. many kids like elderly people but aren't as close as you were with her. it's a very special connection you had. if your family has real financial strain or otherwise low opportunity, i understand their reaction. it's a shame, and of course i don't blame you for being upset with them, i just understand the practicality.
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im surprised that her nephew is not fighting the will
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can we a have a picture of the cat blue? :3
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | 0.003383
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita? [/INST] nta your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up. but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief. might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL she can leave Christmas dinner when she freaked out over tampons?
|
okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend.
i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming).
she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on.
i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop?
anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did.
jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?
| 28,373
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zv5h8o/aita_for_telling_my_sil_she_can_leave_christmas/
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2022-12-25 20:04:59
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nta - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon***
keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again.
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nta—this stranger came to your house and insulted you. she’s hardly a member of the family after 3 months of dating your boyfriend’s brother. if she was genuinely concerned about her child seeing the tampons, then she wouldn’t have walked out waving them in the air and screaming.
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nta
it’s a box of unused tampons, she was being a drama llama.
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girl , you need a better boyfriend. they are the ah . and the gf entitled attitude brings an unannounced child. no , you were brilliant. tell boyfriend he can stay at his brothers until he apologize and stick up for you
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who the fuck loses their shit over a box of unused tampons. and to say that children and men shouldn’t see them? kids and most men literally don’t care about that kind of stuff, especially kids. she is so weird.
your bf and his brother are the ah’s for thinking you’re one. she was a guest and also made a very bad first impression. she was extremely rude.
you = nta
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nta
sil sounds unhinged. her reaction was crazy and excessive. it's not like you smeared a used tampon on her's child face.
besides, it's the second time i read about someone being invited and bringing unannounced children. very rude, you always ask the host.
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nta. good grief. she's traumatizing herself. i'm surprised she survives, being female. your boyfriend owes you an apology. if he can't handle seeing a box of tampons (or having your back on this), he's not ready to be in a relationship.
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nta
was there a reason she went to defcon one, acting like she found a smoking crack pipe?
she stopped your party in its tracks, shrieking and carrying on. is it possible she was looking to sabotage it, or wanted an excuse to leave? does she not like you and is trying to break you and your bf up?
she is either emotionally unhinged, or she has some ulterior motive.
but absolutely you are nta
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nta, she shows up at your house with an uninvited kid and disrespects you like that???? what an ah, your bf and his brother too.
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nta. that is your home, your bathroom. she sounds like she's got some internalized misogyny going on to think that a natural thing is so disgusting that you need to hide all traces that you menstruate.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave? [/INST] nta - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon*** keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again. </s>
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AITA for pulling out a salary chart when my friend complained that she doesn’t get paid enough? She now thinks it’s a huge invasion of privacy
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we were at a friends house and she was complaining about how she has to work so many hours and she barely gets any money. now my friends wife works as a teacher in the same district and she told me about the salary chart (it’s all public info).
i pulled it up and was like you make 55k for 10 months of work, and she got super angry. she was like that’s a huge invasion of privacy. i was like not really, it’s public info. she then just starts yelling and her bf asks me to leave. some of the other guests leave too.
i don’t get it, like you were caught in a lie. none of my friends said i was in the wrong but i don’t know what other people said to her
| 1,924
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icv6io/aita_for_pulling_out_a_salary_chart_when_my/
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2020-08-19 20:01:55
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esh - the whole "caught in a lie" thing makes you sound petty as hell. she didn't say "i make $x". she just said she doesn't make much. that's a feeling not a fact.
also, $55k can really be shit money depending on where you live - cost of living, the licensing requirements to teach there, etc., influence how that stretches.
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esh.
if its public information about the salary chart then it's not an invasion of privacy. however, you brought up the "lie" in front of everyone and most likely embarrassed her. plus, she is a teacher working during a pandemic. they are not nearly getting paid enough as they should.
therefore, esh.
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yta. money amount is relative. you don't know what kind of bills she has to deal with, so she may have next to nothing left over despite 55k a year.
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who are you to say it’s a lie? clearly she is overworked and under a shit ton of pressure in a pandemic trying to teach with crappy pay to her and you’re pulling out charts telling her she’s wrong?? yta
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yta. everyone complains about their salary and how hard they work. i don’t know why that bothered you so much that you wanted to show everyone what she makes per year. also, teachers spend quite a bit of their salary on classroom supplies, so that salary doesn’t go as far as in other jobs.
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yta
teachers routinely put in 10 plus hours a day plus grading. even their time off is sometimes spent prepping for the coming year. if you put in the amount of time that they spend working and divide it by salary then you will typically end up with something near minimum wage. also a lot of teachers spend money on classroom supplies out of their own paycheck due to funding that is cut quite frequently.
i mean it could vary a lot per district, but the end result you see isn’t the complete story
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yta. she didn’t lie about anything from what you said; she just commiserated.
as to the charts, there are a lot of things that are public record that are very personal or traumatic.
do you go around to parties with birth certificates “hey, this doesn’t list your dad!” or court records, “i see you were assaulted and the perp got away with it!”?
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yta. btw, those two months you claim she doesn’t work, often teachers have to do a summer training or pick up a summer job to pay the bills so no, it’s not 10 months of work. it’s 12. and you don’t factor in many, many teachers often have to pay for supplies for students out of pocket. it’s well known (at least in the us) that between teaching, managing kids, grading, dealing with parents, plus annual trainings that teachers are greatly overworked. so stfu, and learn some compassion.
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yta everyone likes to vent about aspects of their job or salary, and they just want their feelings and frustrations to be "heard". instead, you actively invalidated her feelings, churlishly looked up her salary and discussed it in the group. even if she made $100k+ per year she could have felt underpaid due to the demands and stress she feels. what an unsympathetic jerk you are.
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yta; calling it "10 months of work" is incredibly ignorant.
how exactly did you think your "zinger" was going to go? were you going to cry out "ah-ha! i have you now!!!", twirl your moustache and dance off into the night?
even when you disagree with people, pulling up charts and trying to catch them in lies (it wasn't even a lie - you just have differences of opinion) is never going to go down well in social situations.
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.002
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we were at a friends house and she was complaining about how she has to work so many hours and she barely gets any money. now my friends wife works as a teacher in the same district and she told me about the salary chart (it’s all public info). i pulled it up and was like you make 55k for 10 months of work, and she got super angry. she was like that’s a huge invasion of privacy. i was like not really, it’s public info. she then just starts yelling and her bf asks me to leave. some of the other guests leave too. i don’t get it, like you were caught in a lie. none of my friends said i was in the wrong but i don’t know what other people said to her
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we were at a friends house and she was complaining about how she has to work so many hours and she barely gets any money. now my friends wife works as a teacher in the same district and she told me about the salary chart (it’s all public info). i pulled it up and was like you make 55k for 10 months of work, and she got super angry. she was like that’s a huge invasion of privacy. i was like not really, it’s public info. she then just starts yelling and her bf asks me to leave. some of the other guests leave too. i don’t get it, like you were caught in a lie. none of my friends said i was in the wrong but i don’t know what other people said to her [/INST] esh - the whole "caught in a lie" thing makes you sound petty as hell. she didn't say "i make $x". she just said she doesn't make much. that's a feeling not a fact. also, $55k can really be shit money depending on where you live - cost of living, the licensing requirements to teach there, etc., influence how that stretches. </s>
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AITA for sending my coworker into anaphylactic shock?
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i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess.
so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically.
lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now.
thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have.
but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
| 31,119
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulwow7/aita_for_sending_my_coworker_into_anaphylactic/
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2022-05-09 17:38:21
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nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate.
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nta- you didn't feed it to her. she stole it.
>at the same time, i could have killed his daughter
no, she could have killed herself. my wife had a heavy duty seafood allergy. she wouldn't eat anything without knowing what was in it. like, cesar salad dressing has anchovies in it. other sauces are made with seafood to. it can had in places you wouldn't expect. so, she would never take someone else food (on principle first, because it's stealing) because it could be life threatening.
i would have thought that anyone with a severe food allergy would take the same precautions, but obviously not. well, next time she'll think twice before "borrowing" someone else's food.
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absolutely 100% nta.
>my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) “borrowed” my lunch
*borrowed???* and how exactly is she going to return this food that she *borrowed* after ingesting it? it’s not *borrowing* when she was never planning on returning it or compensating you. i’m so sorry that your boss is terrible.
she **stole** your food. she didn’t ask, she just took it upon herself to take *your* lunch. she is the ta.
is she only doing this to you or is she taking everyone else’s lunch as well?
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nta
go to hr pronto. don't threaten hr. get this on file. see if you can switch departments or supervisors.
report both your boss and his daughter, the food thief.
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go to hr asap. in hr terms what happened is someone stole your lunch and the container it was in. the person who did this is another employee’s close relation, and because that employee is your manager you are facing bullying and reprisal from your manager, and further bullying and hostile work environment from coworkers.
you do not need to put up with this, you are not in the wrong. the daughter, the boss, and the coworkers are all in the wrong and you need to document and report. unfortunately it’s unlikely you can just go back to normal, but what your boss and coworkers are doing is not just shitty but potentially illegal and certainly a liability hr should deal with. typically this type of mess is why companies are wary of hiring relatives of employees except as interns/short term hires.
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stop reading. go to hr and report this before your boss spins it to them as you doing this intentionally. read the rest of the comments later.
nta though.
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nta
she stole from you, and that’s what happened. it’s not your fault that the boss’ daughter didn’t check for peanuts. 100% her own fault.
report the boss to hr regardless, and warn him that you’ll report him again if he takes revenge on any kind on you.
don’t pay a cent towards her medical bills, bill her for the food she stole.
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nta
she,the lunch thief, is an idiot . if she's ond enough to be in the workplace, she's *way past* old enough to know better than to steal and it's insanity for someone with an allergy to a common ingredient to eat random foods without knowing what is in them.
you didn't put her in the hospital, she put herself in the hospital.
i suggest going to hr and getting your side of this story on the record. it's pretty iffy that the daughter was put under her father's supervision- reeks of nepotism .
i also suggest getting out of this work environment, if not by leaving the company altogether then by exploring the possibility of another team, another department, definitely another supervisor.
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nta. his daughter could have killed _herself_ by eating food without knowing what was in it. how were you to know?
you don't "borrow" lunch. you "steal" it.
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nta.
you shouldn't have to mark your food for potential allergies cuz other people are not supposed to be taking your food. they do and that is called stealing.
boss' daughter stealing your food, going into anaphylactic shock, and ending up in the hospital is not your responsibility. it is on her. he can say you poisoned her but that is because he can't bear to blame his little darling for her sticky fingers. you should not be on the hook for any of her medical bills.
i would consider looking for a new job cuz boss man is going to make your life hell, even if you report him to hr.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita? [/INST] nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate. </s>
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AITA for telling an employee she can choose between demotion or termination?
|
i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees.
one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility.
so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out.
i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back.
i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.".
frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am.
so i told her that she had two choices:
1) go back to her old position, with her old pay.
2) i fire her completely.
she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender.
none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business.
i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
but at the same time, she really could have called me.
so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
| 37,443
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/
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2021-07-20 08:11:50
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nta
you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health
you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift
tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that)
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the "spoons" thing is referring to spoon theory. a psychological theory regarding the amount of energy it takes someone to perform a task. in this example, a "normal" person might need 1 spoon yo call out, but someone with mental/chronic illness might need 4. essentially a way of explaining that it can be harder to do things when you have mental illnesses, in a quantifiable way.
that being said, as a neurodivergent person, it is complete and utter bullshit that she didn't make herself call you. it isn't just her shirking a responsibility. it is her making a decision that effects your livelihood and the livelihood of 12 other people. not to mention the way she effected the customers, cause how many more tried to come to the store and didn't say anything on the fb?
if she didn't have enough spoons to work, fine. but if she can't be trusted to uphold her managerial duties, mental health or otherwise, she doesn't deserve that responsibility. she doesn't deserve the raise and title that go with it. nta
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nta. i'm a manager as well and fully believe in the importance of mental health days and taking care of your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing.
however, an employee just going awol like that is not ok. if they didn't have the spoons to call, they should have gotten a trusted friend or family member to call instead. or texted and thrown their phone across the room.
i would happily make a last minute callout work. damaging the business by no-showing is not ok but i'd have a serious talk with her about responsibilities and be frank about your expectations.
it's the same as someone calling out half an hour before opening because they've gotten sudden onset diarrhoea. just call or text or tell someone you can't make it.
basically, don't demote or fire her but put her on a type of probation and make it explicitly clear that you value her wellbeing but she can't no show.
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nta. you don’t have enough spoons in your drawer to deal with incompetent managers.
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nta, her being irresponsible cost your business money.
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has she no-showed as a cashier before? was this totally new behavior for her?
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[deleted]
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>i think i might be the ah here, because i am taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
actually taking a mental health day was not the problem, the problem is she preformed a no call no show. what has made her no call no show more egregious is that she was the opening manager. when you are the person responsible for opening a place of business, you are even more of an a h for not calling in.
nta
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major red flag when she throws the -ists, discrimination and gender cards. toxic people like that are better not in the workplace, let alone management. nta
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personally, i would not have given her the option of her old job back. i would have politely fired her over the telephone and been done with her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that) </s>
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