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AITA for asking my girlfriend to wear diapers in certain situations?
|
okay, first of all, throwaway account because i've got a couple of irl friends who know the name of my reddit account. now, let's get to it.
my girlfriend (23f) has a condition usually called "giggle incontinence". the short explanation is that she loses control of her bladder when she laughes, sneezes, coughs etc. as far as i know she's always had this problem and i never had any issue with it. the problem is that it got worse over the last couple of months. before, she usually "lost" a couple of drops when she sneezed and actually peed herself only once or twice since i've known her when she had an extreme laughing fit. however, for the last couple of months she peed herself quite often when she sneezed or coughed. she already went to three different urologists, but all of them told her more or less that there is nothing she can do about it except training her pelvic floor muscles and hoping that it helps to lessen the amount of urine she loses. so for now it seems that the problem stays. due to the increasing number of times she peed herself after sneezing i asked her to wear diapers in some situations. for example, she already peed twice on the passenger seat of our car and it was a nightmare to clean and dry both times. she also peed on the seat in the cinema when she had to cough at the end of a movie. when she had a cold last week, she wet our bed three times within five days. the morning after the third time i sat down to talk to her. i asked her if she would wear diapers in some situations like during longer car rides and similar situations. i also asked her to wear diapers to bed while she's still ill because it's not the best experience to wake up because your girlfriend just wet the bed. however, when i talked to her she started screaming at me and told me how much of an asshole i am for treating her like a baby and things like this. i tried to explain to her that it would be a lot better for both of us and that it would save both of us a lot of work and her a lot of embarrassment. she didn't respond to that at all and just took her bag, told me she had to get to work on time and left the house.
so, now the important question: am i the asshole for telling my girlfriend to wear diapers in some situations?
**
| 3,292
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibyo7n/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_wear_diapers_in/
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2020-08-18 10:44:20
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nah, but there are certainly alternatives to diapers. there are sanitary pads for incontinence that hold more liquid than period pads and are far more discreet than an adult diaper. i can understand her not wanting to wear a diaper unless absolutely necessary.
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nta, until she manages to find a more permanent fix she is literally peeing on all of your stuff very regularly??
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nta - your gf is probably getting angry because she's embarrassed about how things have been going lately. let her cool down a bit and reassure her that you aren't embarrassed by her. maybe just ask her why she doesn't want to and listen to what she has to say.
also there are alternatives for diapers, maybe read up on some
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nta. there are adult diapers for people with incontinence and that describes her. if her condition worsens i'd check with a doctor that she's otherwise okay, but her using pads (try calling them that maybe) would be helpful. i understand her situation is embarrassing but wouldn't it be less embarrassing than soiling public seats or getting her pee on you in bed? astronauts wear diapers too, i wouldn't consider them babies. she (ironically) needs to grow up and deal with her issues like an adult.
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nah. do i think you're right? yes. do i think she's embarrassed? yes. could you have handled it better? maybe. honestly being asked to wear a diaper in certain situations is embarrassing and i hope that she eventually gets it addressed. maybe she has anxiety or something, i don't know.
but i feel for you both.
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nta- you are trying to help and find an alternative. maybe she is just embarrassed and it is the way you worded it.
there are urogynecologist, which are specialized for women. urologist nowadays are more geared for men. i notice this since i work in the medical field. there are plenty of biopharmaceuticals out there for this issue. they also can inject botox into the bladder. it’s pretty costly, but this route is used when all else fails. it works wonders. also kegel exercises are something she should do constantly to strengthen her floor.
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you can also get period pants that work the same and it's less like a nappy and more like pants. she's mad because it's horrible situation she's in, try reading up and approaching with a little more tack, also get a waterproof bed cover.
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nta. especially if you're the one constantly cleaning up her mess. it is essentially like having a toddler/untrained puppy peeing on anything randomly. she knows she has the condition yet doesn't take precautions for something that happens so frequently.
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brudi natürlich bist du nta!
aber du musst dich in die situation deiner freundin hineinversetzen. für sie ist es absolut herabwürdigend. sich ständig voll zu pinkeln ist nicht schön und wenn dann der eigene freund mit inkontinenzhosen um die ecke kommt, kann das einen schon zerstören.
es ist allerdings verdammt noch mal wichtig, dass du für dich selbst einstehst. es kann nicht sein, dass du permanent die pisse von deiner freundin wegwischen musst wenn es alternativen gibt.
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nta
she is incredibly inconsiderate!
also, get some of those rubber sheets for your bed.
|
NAH
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002566
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, first of all, throwaway account because i've got a couple of irl friends who know the name of my reddit account. now, let's get to it. my girlfriend (23f) has a condition usually called "giggle incontinence". the short explanation is that she loses control of her bladder when she laughes, sneezes, coughs etc. as far as i know she's always had this problem and i never had any issue with it. the problem is that it got worse over the last couple of months. before, she usually "lost" a couple of drops when she sneezed and actually peed herself only once or twice since i've known her when she had an extreme laughing fit. however, for the last couple of months she peed herself quite often when she sneezed or coughed. she already went to three different urologists, but all of them told her more or less that there is nothing she can do about it except training her pelvic floor muscles and hoping that it helps to lessen the amount of urine she loses. so for now it seems that the problem stays. due to the increasing number of times she peed herself after sneezing i asked her to wear diapers in some situations. for example, she already peed twice on the passenger seat of our car and it was a nightmare to clean and dry both times. she also peed on the seat in the cinema when she had to cough at the end of a movie. when she had a cold last week, she wet our bed three times within five days. the morning after the third time i sat down to talk to her. i asked her if she would wear diapers in some situations like during longer car rides and similar situations. i also asked her to wear diapers to bed while she's still ill because it's not the best experience to wake up because your girlfriend just wet the bed. however, when i talked to her she started screaming at me and told me how much of an asshole i am for treating her like a baby and things like this. i tried to explain to her that it would be a lot better for both of us and that it would save both of us a lot of work and her a lot of embarrassment. she didn't respond to that at all and just took her bag, told me she had to get to work on time and left the house. so, now the important question: am i the asshole for telling my girlfriend to wear diapers in some situations? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, first of all, throwaway account because i've got a couple of irl friends who know the name of my reddit account. now, let's get to it. my girlfriend (23f) has a condition usually called "giggle incontinence". the short explanation is that she loses control of her bladder when she laughes, sneezes, coughs etc. as far as i know she's always had this problem and i never had any issue with it. the problem is that it got worse over the last couple of months. before, she usually "lost" a couple of drops when she sneezed and actually peed herself only once or twice since i've known her when she had an extreme laughing fit. however, for the last couple of months she peed herself quite often when she sneezed or coughed. she already went to three different urologists, but all of them told her more or less that there is nothing she can do about it except training her pelvic floor muscles and hoping that it helps to lessen the amount of urine she loses. so for now it seems that the problem stays. due to the increasing number of times she peed herself after sneezing i asked her to wear diapers in some situations. for example, she already peed twice on the passenger seat of our car and it was a nightmare to clean and dry both times. she also peed on the seat in the cinema when she had to cough at the end of a movie. when she had a cold last week, she wet our bed three times within five days. the morning after the third time i sat down to talk to her. i asked her if she would wear diapers in some situations like during longer car rides and similar situations. i also asked her to wear diapers to bed while she's still ill because it's not the best experience to wake up because your girlfriend just wet the bed. however, when i talked to her she started screaming at me and told me how much of an asshole i am for treating her like a baby and things like this. i tried to explain to her that it would be a lot better for both of us and that it would save both of us a lot of work and her a lot of embarrassment. she didn't respond to that at all and just took her bag, told me she had to get to work on time and left the house. so, now the important question: am i the asshole for telling my girlfriend to wear diapers in some situations? ** [/INST] nah, but there are certainly alternatives to diapers. there are sanitary pads for incontinence that hold more liquid than period pads and are far more discreet than an adult diaper. i can understand her not wanting to wear a diaper unless absolutely necessary. </s>
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AITA for asking my wife to stand by an agreement she made 7 years ago regarding adopting a child?
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a little background, i was raised in a complicated family situation. my mother and father split when i was an infant, both went on to have multiple divorces, and at 15 i learned my father was not my bio-father. both parents were loving and tried their best (i definitely did not make it easy on them) and i had a fairly blissful childhood not being aware that my situation was not my normal.
this led to me being very aware early on that if i wanted to be a parent, i would want to adopt. i didn't need to have a blood relationship to a child to love them, just like my father didn't need a blood relationship to love me.
when i started dating my future wife i told her about how i felt and she was very supportive. she said that she wanted to carry a child and i said she totally should. before we got married we agreed that if we were to have kids together we would also adopt. we would go for the natural way first and then adopt a second.
after we were married for about 2 years we decided it's time to start growing the family. turned out having a kid isn't easy for some couples. long story short, after years of trying (and a lot of $$$) we finally got our miracle baby, she is awesome and things are great.
so, recently we start talking about baby number 2. i tell her, yeah, we should totally start looking at that adoption process like we talked about. she gets an uneasy look and says she wants to carry again. we talk about it and she is really non-committal to adoption and is only considering carrying the second baby, and maybe after that we can talk about adoption.
i felt pretty betrayed and don't really know how to move forward. i think 2 kids is enough and am not really interested in going through the process of what it took to get pregnant last time, plus we are that much older now. she doesn't seem to be interested in adopting at all anymore. it's an impasse and i feel like an asshole about it but i also feel like we agreed to something 7 years ago.
| 1,931
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/em74cu/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_stand_by_an_agreement/
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2020-01-09 08:59:23
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nah - counseling. nothing else to say.
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nah. you made a deal, but this isn’t the kind of thing you hold a someone to. before having kids your wife felt one way, but now - having carried her own blood child - she feels differently. it’s okay for you to be sad about that, but you can’t force someone to be a parent if they don’t feel able to.
i feel this is above this sub’s pay grade. you’d probably benefit from couples counselling.
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nah. yeah you made a pact, but that was 7 years ago, and a lot can (and has) happened in that time. that can lead people to change their mind, which is what your wife has done.
ideally this would have been an ongoing conversation over the last 7 years - checking in with each over every so often about how you feel about bio kids vs adoption, especially after you went through fertility treatments etc. but you can't change the past, only the future.
i think you both need counselling to get through this, considering this is such a big issue for you. with a professional, work out what's changed your wife's feelings, and try to understand that and see where she's coming from. also examine your own feelings on the issue, why do you want to adopt so badly and help your wife see the situation from your die. work through her and your opinions together to try and find a solution which works for the both of you.
it might also be a good idea for you op to look into exactly what the adoption process entails. you may have already done this, but if you haven't (or have had only a cursory glance at the website), i think you should take a deep dive into the adoption system in your country. try and talk to adoptive parents, adoption officers, adopted kids if you can about their experiences both good and bad. look at how long the process takes, what your family will need to do before and after you have a child placed with you. what the rate of failed adoptions is, what you can do if the adoption doesn't work out, what support will your family get in the immediate and longer term.
i understand your reasoning behind wanting to adopt, but adoption is a very different barrel of fish to raising a child you thought was yours, and is not in any way an easy process. some people aren't cut out for adoption despite their best intentions, and that's ok.
good luck to the both of you, and i hope between you you find the right path for your family.
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[deleted]
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>for all suggesting counselling, if it comes to it we will.
if it comes to what? wanting to make your marriage better? dealing with this before it gets any worse?
i hate this misconception that going to marriage counselling is a symptom of a bad marriage and that it's like this last ditch thing you only do when you're about to get divorced. go now, not after years of worsening problems. think of it as an oil change or filling up the gas tank in your car, not as a transmission overhaul
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nah - i get she agreed to it 7 years ago but obviously over time she's changed her mind and you haven't. this is a massively complicated situation that isn't going to be helped by any of us deciding who the asshole is because this problem isn't going away. there really isn't a compromise where both of you get what you want.
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nta - i suggest any further discussion be done in counseling, because these kinds of things can get pretty heated.
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nah i agree with many of the others that you would both benefit from counseling.
have you ever discussed fostering a child? it may be that she's worried she could never love an adopted child as she does her bio child. fostering may show her that she's able to bond with another child on that level.
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nta, this has been an issue for me in dating. i'm a female and everytime i tell a guy that i'd like to adopt, their first answer is "okay, but i want one of my own first" i usually reply "an adopted kid would be your own". this is usually where i walk away because it's my uterus and it's not open for business. idk what's wrong with people that they think they can do a bait and switch. i'm so sorry that your wife did this to you.
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>for all suggesting counselling, if it comes to it we will. we have an otherwise great relationship and we are both in love with our family.
can we please stop treating marriage counseling like it is something that only couples who are on the brink of divorce do? frankly there are very few if not zero couples that would not benefit from at least a session or two. and if *more* couples would go to get help dealing with issues that are able to be compromised before they reach the point of no return, there would likely be a lot less divorces.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.028811
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little background, i was raised in a complicated family situation. my mother and father split when i was an infant, both went on to have multiple divorces, and at 15 i learned my father was not my bio-father. both parents were loving and tried their best (i definitely did not make it easy on them) and i had a fairly blissful childhood not being aware that my situation was not my normal. this led to me being very aware early on that if i wanted to be a parent, i would want to adopt. i didn't need to have a blood relationship to a child to love them, just like my father didn't need a blood relationship to love me. when i started dating my future wife i told her about how i felt and she was very supportive. she said that she wanted to carry a child and i said she totally should. before we got married we agreed that if we were to have kids together we would also adopt. we would go for the natural way first and then adopt a second. after we were married for about 2 years we decided it's time to start growing the family. turned out having a kid isn't easy for some couples. long story short, after years of trying (and a lot of $$$) we finally got our miracle baby, she is awesome and things are great. so, recently we start talking about baby number 2. i tell her, yeah, we should totally start looking at that adoption process like we talked about. she gets an uneasy look and says she wants to carry again. we talk about it and she is really non-committal to adoption and is only considering carrying the second baby, and maybe after that we can talk about adoption. i felt pretty betrayed and don't really know how to move forward. i think 2 kids is enough and am not really interested in going through the process of what it took to get pregnant last time, plus we are that much older now. she doesn't seem to be interested in adopting at all anymore. it's an impasse and i feel like an asshole about it but i also feel like we agreed to something 7 years ago.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little background, i was raised in a complicated family situation. my mother and father split when i was an infant, both went on to have multiple divorces, and at 15 i learned my father was not my bio-father. both parents were loving and tried their best (i definitely did not make it easy on them) and i had a fairly blissful childhood not being aware that my situation was not my normal. this led to me being very aware early on that if i wanted to be a parent, i would want to adopt. i didn't need to have a blood relationship to a child to love them, just like my father didn't need a blood relationship to love me. when i started dating my future wife i told her about how i felt and she was very supportive. she said that she wanted to carry a child and i said she totally should. before we got married we agreed that if we were to have kids together we would also adopt. we would go for the natural way first and then adopt a second. after we were married for about 2 years we decided it's time to start growing the family. turned out having a kid isn't easy for some couples. long story short, after years of trying (and a lot of $$$) we finally got our miracle baby, she is awesome and things are great. so, recently we start talking about baby number 2. i tell her, yeah, we should totally start looking at that adoption process like we talked about. she gets an uneasy look and says she wants to carry again. we talk about it and she is really non-committal to adoption and is only considering carrying the second baby, and maybe after that we can talk about adoption. i felt pretty betrayed and don't really know how to move forward. i think 2 kids is enough and am not really interested in going through the process of what it took to get pregnant last time, plus we are that much older now. she doesn't seem to be interested in adopting at all anymore. it's an impasse and i feel like an asshole about it but i also feel like we agreed to something 7 years ago. [/INST] nah - counseling. nothing else to say. </s>
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AITA for proposing at a wedding?
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obligatory i know it sounds bad but hear me out, and throwaway for privacy. i'll try to keep this short.
so me and my (now) fiancée have been together for 6 years and about the last year we've been discussing more about getting married and she wanted it to still be a surprise and said she'd be happy with however and whenever i did. but i'll admit i'm terrible at surprises and coming up with ideas like this but i still wanted her to love it.
so for context she and her sister are basically best friends (1 year age difference if that matters) and she's marrying (married) one of my best mates so we're all close and do things together a lot.
a few months ago while their planning was still going on i sat them both down and asked if i could propose during the reception, but that i 100% understood if they said no because it was their day after all. they immediately said it was a great idea and were excited for it, sil loved the idea because their family would already be there too (i even offered to pay half the reception bill but they refused, i still gave them something as a second wedding gift anyway) and over the next few months we talked here and there about how it'd be done and decided it'd be done during the bouquet toss (cheesy i know) and all the bridesmaids were in on it because most are mutual friends.
the wedding was yesterday and we didn't see a lot of each other because of moh and groomsmen duties. everything went off without a hitch and it was time for the bouquet toss and the girls gathered, sil pretended to go and throw it but turned around and handed it to her instead. she turned around to me with a confused look but saw me on my knee with a ring pop (sounds dumb but its an inside joke between us) in my hands and laughed through her tears, obviously she said yes and the rest of the night went great.
however when we woke up this morning she was acting very weird and distant and when i asked what was wrong she said she felt weird about me proposing at her sisters wedding, that it just felt wrong like she stole her sisters day. i explained that she was very obviously in on it and was excited about the idea and encouraged it, but she said it still felt weird and left to work. i haven't heard much from her today since.
did i do something wrong?
small
| 2,759
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sydft9/aita_for_proposing_at_a_wedding/
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2022-02-22 03:44:10
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nah. the taboo is proposing at someone else's event *without their permission*. you had permission, therefore, not an ah
but your fiancée is allowed to feel weird about it... we can't control our feelings, therefore feelings can never make you an ah.
hopefully, you can talk it out and get on the same page. (maybe she needs to hear from her sister that it really *didn't* feel like stealing)
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nah. it was a pretty big day for her; she watched her sister get married, celebrated with her family, and ended the night with a surprise engagement. she may just be overwhelmed and overthinking. give her some time.
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well, i read the title and i wanted to say yta. but then i read the story and still want to say yta. but a light one. not because you proposed at a wedding w/o permission, but because you proposed at a wedding. it is so much trouble to find an occasion for yourselves alone to propose? proposing at a wedding is for people who are too lazy to come up their own ideas. a proposal doesn’t have to be lavish or expensive. but don’t do it at a wedding.
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yta. no one wants to be proposed to at someone else’s wedding. even if the bride and groom give permission.
instead of making it special you just tagged onto someone else’s big day. like you were too lazy to come up with something yourself.
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yta
never propose at someone else's wedding.
even if the bride, the groom, both their parents, the priest, the mayor, the governor, the president of the united states, the entire un and jesus christ himself all consent.
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yta with a caveat. proposing at the wedding was ok only because you had permission. but it didn't just detract from her sister's day, you detracted from your fiancee's potential moment as well. the ring pop could have been cute if you had an actual ring to back it up but you didn't. it all comes across as really lazy. you couldn't be bothered to plan something just for her, couldn't be bothered to just pick a ring (after 6 years you still have no idea what she likes?) doing things in such a public way but then doing it so half-assed is just kind of embarrassing considering 90 percent of the guests there were not in on the joke. plus doing things so publicly puts a lot of pressure on her for a yes that maybe she wasn't fully ready for.
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nah. people want their own day, but this was very cute of you to do. she’ll be okay, just don’t ask for the wedding to be on their anniversary 😂
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info: maybe she doesn't like attention and public proposals?
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yta, this was kind of tough for me to decide. of course it matters if the bride and groom were okay with it, and was good on you to be accepting of either situation. that’s really important.
when she says “she felt like stole her sisters day” there could be a few different meanings behind that. obviously her sister was okay with it. but i feel like she could possibly be upset by you piggybacking off her sisters big moment to propose. like there wasn’t really any originality, and i know if i was proposed to like that, i would be bummed. her sisters wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom. your proposal is supposed to be about you and your fiancée. i really hope that makes sense
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look speaking as a women, for these kind of events we want the attention to be on 'us' and solely 'us'. tbh you're sil was quite nice about it because if that was anyone else they'd be pissed. no one wants the attention taken away from them on their day. i know you said you're bad with occasions but a proposal is meant to be personal between just a couple and not a couple hundred people. i can honestly understand why she was upset.
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null | 0.260793
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory i know it sounds bad but hear me out, and throwaway for privacy. i'll try to keep this short. so me and my (now) fiancée have been together for 6 years and about the last year we've been discussing more about getting married and she wanted it to still be a surprise and said she'd be happy with however and whenever i did. but i'll admit i'm terrible at surprises and coming up with ideas like this but i still wanted her to love it. so for context she and her sister are basically best friends (1 year age difference if that matters) and she's marrying (married) one of my best mates so we're all close and do things together a lot. a few months ago while their planning was still going on i sat them both down and asked if i could propose during the reception, but that i 100% understood if they said no because it was their day after all. they immediately said it was a great idea and were excited for it, sil loved the idea because their family would already be there too (i even offered to pay half the reception bill but they refused, i still gave them something as a second wedding gift anyway) and over the next few months we talked here and there about how it'd be done and decided it'd be done during the bouquet toss (cheesy i know) and all the bridesmaids were in on it because most are mutual friends. the wedding was yesterday and we didn't see a lot of each other because of moh and groomsmen duties. everything went off without a hitch and it was time for the bouquet toss and the girls gathered, sil pretended to go and throw it but turned around and handed it to her instead. she turned around to me with a confused look but saw me on my knee with a ring pop (sounds dumb but its an inside joke between us) in my hands and laughed through her tears, obviously she said yes and the rest of the night went great. however when we woke up this morning she was acting very weird and distant and when i asked what was wrong she said she felt weird about me proposing at her sisters wedding, that it just felt wrong like she stole her sisters day. i explained that she was very obviously in on it and was excited about the idea and encouraged it, but she said it still felt weird and left to work. i haven't heard much from her today since. did i do something wrong? small
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
obligatory i know it sounds bad but hear me out, and throwaway for privacy. i'll try to keep this short. so me and my (now) fiancée have been together for 6 years and about the last year we've been discussing more about getting married and she wanted it to still be a surprise and said she'd be happy with however and whenever i did. but i'll admit i'm terrible at surprises and coming up with ideas like this but i still wanted her to love it. so for context she and her sister are basically best friends (1 year age difference if that matters) and she's marrying (married) one of my best mates so we're all close and do things together a lot. a few months ago while their planning was still going on i sat them both down and asked if i could propose during the reception, but that i 100% understood if they said no because it was their day after all. they immediately said it was a great idea and were excited for it, sil loved the idea because their family would already be there too (i even offered to pay half the reception bill but they refused, i still gave them something as a second wedding gift anyway) and over the next few months we talked here and there about how it'd be done and decided it'd be done during the bouquet toss (cheesy i know) and all the bridesmaids were in on it because most are mutual friends. the wedding was yesterday and we didn't see a lot of each other because of moh and groomsmen duties. everything went off without a hitch and it was time for the bouquet toss and the girls gathered, sil pretended to go and throw it but turned around and handed it to her instead. she turned around to me with a confused look but saw me on my knee with a ring pop (sounds dumb but its an inside joke between us) in my hands and laughed through her tears, obviously she said yes and the rest of the night went great. however when we woke up this morning she was acting very weird and distant and when i asked what was wrong she said she felt weird about me proposing at her sisters wedding, that it just felt wrong like she stole her sisters day. i explained that she was very obviously in on it and was excited about the idea and encouraged it, but she said it still felt weird and left to work. i haven't heard much from her today since. did i do something wrong? small [/INST] nah. the taboo is proposing at someone else's event *without their permission*. you had permission, therefore, not an ah but your fiancée is allowed to feel weird about it... we can't control our feelings, therefore feelings can never make you an ah. hopefully, you can talk it out and get on the same page. (maybe she needs to hear from her sister that it really *didn't* feel like stealing) </s>
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AITA for saying my religion is the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
|
so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc.
i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion.
the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian.
my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me.
teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic.
as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?
| 7,627
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7lluf/aita_for_saying_my_religion_is_the_flying/
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2019-03-31 08:38:30
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yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business.
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yta. not for saying you're pastafarian but because you insulted other people's religions to their faces. that's rude.
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yta
something you'll learn more intimately as you get older is that being right (or thinking you're right), doesn't *give you the right* to 'educate' other people you perceive to be wrong.
sometimes respect is more important and you're the asshole until you learn that.
people who have different religious or political beliefs than your own come from different backgrounds. you haven't walked in their shoes, you haven't seen the things they've seen. conversations regarding these topics require mutual respect and permission to be engaged in. it is only then that either participant can learn or grow. but you weren't interested in that. you chose to engage with no intention other than to mock your peers.
you're an asshole, kid. i hope you take this as a chance to take a deep look at yourself, because you should be embarrassed and ashamed.
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yta.
>16m
what a shock 🙄
god if i could go back in time to punch my edgy teenage self i would.
>his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian
so you think you're superior to him because you're an atheist? you're a child. you know nothing.
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yta. you could have done a presentation on something you *actually* believe, but instead you took the opportunity to mock other people unprovoked. you can explain your opinion as "calmly" as you want, but if it comes from a place of condescension and assumed-superiority you're still the asshole.
ps: that's not how free speech works.
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so, let me recap: you're being invited to speak about something you believe strongly in, and you take that opportunity to make a mockery of all your classmates by turning your presentation into a joke, then upon questioning you can only express your ideas in the negative by getting into how much you hate religion?
is this a shitpost? you don't even have the guts to speak seriously about the things you believe in when you have an open mic and then you're going to shit on people that presumably do? it doesn't just sound like yta in this situation, it sounds like you are just an asshole generally. it's time to start growing up.
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yta. you insulted peoples religion. no one cares that you've just discovered edgy online atheism, keep it to yourself.
(also you do have a right to free speech, you can say what you want, but that doesn't mean other people interested have the right to be pissed off with you for it.)
|
yta
"his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh \[...\] , partly because he's a christian", that makes you the asshole. yes, i know it was mostly because of the other reason, but still. and also:
"explaining why the religions are dumb and evil" is extremely counter-producent. no one is gonna listen to you if you antagonize them and say "the thing you believe is the most important thing in the universe is evil and dumb". you are never gonna have a functional conversation with anyone speaking like that. trust me - when i was 16 i was exactly like that, and it never worked. instead, speaking about "why i chose to stop believing in god and religion" will net you much better conversations, less confrontation, and its gonna make you a lot less of an asshole. and more pleasant to be around just in general.
just imagine someone talking to you "hey - atheism is a flawed vision that only vile people, without morals, deeply corrupted and evil believe in. our jails are full of people just like you, who don't believe in any higher power and then commit murders and crimes. oh, also... would you mind listening to a point i wanna make?" yeah - you woulnd't listen to one word this person said after that. and that is kinda what you are doing, in their eyes.
i am an atheist just like you, but remember - that doesn't make us "superior human beings". or "smarter" than deists.
tbh you are 16 though - and maturity brings tolerance (usually)
if you wanna talk about that subject with someone who, 9 years ago, had a world view exactly like yours (25m), feel free to send me a pm
|
info. why fsm? you’re a self-proclaimed atheist. why not atheism? agnosticism? separation of church and state?
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~~you're not an asshole, you're just an dumbass.~~
actually, after seeing how the comment thread is going, i'm changing my vote. yta. you weren't looking to make coherent or well-reasoned arguments about what all you think is dumb about religion, you *literally* went into this looking to ridicule people.
i get it, religion is dumb, and i, too, hold a variety of opinions on that topic that many people would find offensive.
but doing what you did isn't going to win you any brownie points with people, particularly your teacher who's the one assigning your grades, and you knew that going in. you did this *just* because you were curious to see who you could offend.
i say you're not an asshole because it's not like anybody is going to whither and die from the emotional damage of listening to someone with a conflicting viewpoint, no matter how douchy the delivery. it's just kinda cringe, you know?
> it's still within my free speech
dude, if the best thing that can be said for your comment is that it *wasn't technically illegal* for you to say it, you may want to re-think what you're even doing.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita? [/INST] yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business. </s>
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WIBTA: If I refuse to get a flu shot to hang out with my GF's friends
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my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home.
my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
| 14,188
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di4l1l/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_get_a_flu_shot_to_hang_out/
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2019-10-15 07:57:20
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yta.
>maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing
just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember.
and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you.
get the fucking shot.
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yes, if you refuse, yta. that baby can't get vaccinated yet, and relies on herd immunity to keep from getting sick. without it, the baby could actually die from the flu. for real. so, either get the shot or stay home.
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yta.
______________________________________
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yta either don’t go or come up with a better excuse than you don’t want to be told to do something.
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yta. it's not just for someone peace of mind. the baby can get seriously sick from you. is it really hard to get a flu shot ? you either should take that flu shot or just stay home.
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yta- i'm 34 and get my flu shot, don't use your age as an excuse. there wasn't an hpv vaccine when we were growing up either but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get it. also, telling someone they should leave a newborn with a stranger because it's an inconvenience to you to get a damn shot is ridiculous. you're not just affecting the baby, you're potentially affecting everyone else you pass by.
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yta. get a flu shot, you wiener.
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yta. you're objecting on a stupid principle. you're not even against the vaccine (which would be stupid in itself), you're just choosing to be stubborn for no reason.
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yta. she wants her friends to meet the baby. it can be deadly if a baby gets the flu. why don’t you get over your ego or you stay somewhere else and get a babysitter for your childish self.
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yta, you say you're all about vaccinations, but won't get one because you say you're being told to.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my gf wants to host a game night, but one of her friends has a newborn(4weeks old). the parents want everyone to have their flu shots before they bring the kid over. maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing, but i don't feel that i should be required to have a shot to hang out with them. if they are worried about their kid they should get a sitter and leave him at home. my gf got pissed and said i was being unreasonable because the flu shot was inexpensive and you can easily get them at a cvs. i am all about vaccinations, but i am not a fan of being told i need to do something for someone else's peace of mind. [/INST] yta. >maybe it's because i(30yr m) grew up before flu shots were a thing just no. flu vaccines have been around for more than 50 years. i'm a little bit older than you and have got one every year that i can remember. and the vaccine is just as much for everyone else as it is for you. get the fucking shot. </s>
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AITA for refusing to move in with boyfriend if I’m not allowed to bring my cat?
| 3,689
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kfup51/aita_for_refusing_to_move_in_with_boyfriend_if_im/
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2020-12-18 22:01:19
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nah
if you can't settle a disagreement about pets, then it's not the right time to move in together.
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you should not give away your cat. the cat is now your family and you would be cruel if you gave her away. do you want to live with a person, who would not even consider this and your feelings? nta
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nta. seriously, don't do this
also if the dogs are just.. afraid of the cat... and not aggressive.. then you'll be fine. they will get over it and provably end up friends.
if the brother doesn't want more pets, then you guys can either wait to move in together or break up.
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[deleted]
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nta please don't move in with these people and, in all honesty, reconsider that relationship.
>i tell him that’s like him getting rid of one of his dogs, but he argues it different because “my dogs are family. i’ve had them for years, you’ve had her for months.”
your cat is family too, the fuck? he's full of shit and clearly doesn't care about your feelings, nor about the commitment that you made to that cat.
always choose the cat. i repeat: always choose the cat.
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nta but genuine question -- at what point is he *not* going to be living with his brother? and at that point, who is getting the dogs anyways? i get that they both own the house 50/50 but if you plan to get married and have kids and all that, you can't possibly be planning for all of you to still be living in the same house so someone is moving out of that house eventually. saying it would be impractical for him to move out with you doesn't make sense to me, because if he wants to live with you and start a life together eventually either him or his brother are leaving their 50% of the house behind.
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nta. he's being cruel imo. you adopted your cat with the intention to care for her until the end. honestly though, think about spending the rest of your life with someone who can't seem to think about a compromise. you should do what he says because he likes something better? not ok and honestly a red flag with the way he responded.
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nta. getting a pet is a commitment.
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nta adopting a pet is a lifelong commitment that you clearly take seriously and i applaud you for it. you’re in a tough spot—one that will probably force you to examine and reevaluate your relationship because disregarding your cat when she’s inconvenient is unlikely to be an isolated incident—but you’re right to stand your ground. i have two cats and when a now-ex tried the “you’re choosing your cats over me” argument on me, i told him i have a general policy of choosing whichever side isn’t pressuring me with an ultimatum. stay strong. <3
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nta. that cat is family to you now. he is showing you how much compromise he’ll give you for things that are “inconvenient “ for him, that is none. also how much he respects your feelings, again, he has shown cero respect for your very normal attachment to your cat.
that cat will love you her whole life, you are the world to her.
also, what are you two going to do, live with his brother forever so he can keep dictating who lives there?
wait to move in until the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over (coz it sounds it isn’t).
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nah if you can't settle a disagreement about pets, then it's not the right time to move in together. </s>
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AITA for agreeing to a trip without asking my wife first?
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so let me begin by saying that this is my first post so i am sorry if i screw up anywhere. i am however someone who frequently looks at this subreddit and it is another post i saw today that was kind of similar though with some big differences that made me decide to post myself.
me and my wife have been married for a little over 7 years and we have 3 kids 2 girls and one boy. of course as you might imagine having 3 kids under 7 it all has a tendency to get a little overwhelming for both of us, but we are doing fine all in all. our day to day is pretty similar to a lot of people i think. i work 50 or so hours a week and help out a load when i get home from work and in the weekends meanwhile my wife is a stay at home mom so takes care of the kids and does most of the housework.
in the past 3 years my wife had 4 occurrences where she claimed she just needed some "me-time" and pretty much booked a short solo vacation the first time around only telling me a week before leaving. i was pretty damn mad obviously, however i figured she needed her time and while it was a big and very expensive hassle to get a babysitter in time that could stay full days while i figured out a way to get days off on such a short notice. like i said i was mad, especially because of how she went about it not necessarily because she did it, we all need some me time now and again after all. the next 3 times 2 times she went with 2 of her friends and another one was again a solo trip, but all of them were without asking me.
i guess it is pretty clear where this is going. now i work a shitload, when i am home despite sometimes just being exhausted i pull more than my weight to give my wife some breathing room. on the weekends i take on most of the care taking with the kids and do most of the chores, again to give her some breathing space and i got to be honest, sometimes it feels like she doesn't do the same for me in that regard as she seems to think i never need any rest.
well a buddy from college invited me on a long weekend fishing trip, i haven't seen the dude for more then casual talks in the mall in over a year and i immediately said yes, i feel like i have just as much right to a short vacation as my wife and given she never asks me before hand, why should i do that? so i didn't really think of it as a problem.
when i told my wife however she basically exploded, naming every little thing she does in the house and how "it's not the same" when i pointed out she has done this 4 times. when she understood i was going whether she liked it or not, she tried to get me to take our son because "he'd like to fish with daddy." i said no and it was for me to relax just as she got to.
so you tell me guys, am i being an asshole here? she sure seems to think so.
| 1,746
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1vkf9/aita_for_agreeing_to_a_trip_without_asking_my/
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2020-09-29 08:51:45
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esh. so your wife booked holidays for herself without discussing it with you and you got mad about it. so you went and did exactly the same? yeah you both suck. work on your communication. while i agree you should be able to take a holiday on your own because she has too, you admitted you got mad about it but went and did it yourself!
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esh - marriage is compromise & joint decision making, not making plans and springing them on each other.
talk like friggin grown ups and be a team.
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nta - your wife is being extremely unfair. i’d go as far as saying she’s an asshole for trying to stop you doing something she has done 4 times.
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esh you guys should communicate better. retaliation in a marriage is not the way to go.
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nta.
your wife is displaying a classic case of egocentric bias. people will often assume they are doing the greater share of the work, even when things are split evenly, because the work they do is more obvious to them.
this is not a criticism of her, it's just a common bias to be aware of and the reason communication is so important.
i say nta because you are just following the standard she established. but it sounds like you guys need to have a discussion about chores and communicating plans with each other.
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esh. marriage, *especially* when there are kids involved, is a partnership. instead of treating it like an opportunity to retaliate, you could have modeled appropriate adult behavior and talked to her about it. it's fine to reference back to the vacations she has gotten, but using them as grounds to behave just as badly is equally as disturbing as her actions.
the both of you need to grow up and learn how to talk to one another. otherwise, resentment is going to grow on both sides and you're going to find yourselves in a far uglier place than you are right now.
|
esh
>help out a load when i get home
you don't help. you are a parent and an adult that lives in the house. it's not helping to do your share.
>booked a short solo vacation the first time around only telling me a week before leaving
your wife is an asshole for not discussing with you prior to booking
>she seems to think i never need any rest.
discuss this with her. use "i statements". a helpful way to think about it would be how much kid free/"me" time do you each get in a week.
>and given she never asks me before hand, why should i do that?
this is what makes you an asshole. it sounds super petty and like a tit for tat situation.
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nta. your wife needs to learn that she's not the only one "working" apparently. she also needs to learn that husbands aren't work dogs. you are allowed alone time to relax, especially if she is also getting it. not to mention this is your first little jaunt after her three.
that being said, you guys should both be communicating and planning before a trip is agreed to.
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to anyone who writes y-t-a or e-s-h: were you one of the cheerleaders from the other thread saying nta to the sahm who booked a week long trip without telling her family first? double standards...
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i think esh. i don’t think either of you should just drop a trip onto the other person with the childcare scenario in the background. you’re both entitled to breaks and solo trips just give each other more of a heads up. it might be worth having a bigger convo about the split in the house and future planning to avoid this again, rather than doing a ‘well you went away so i’m going away’ back and forth.
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.595226
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so let me begin by saying that this is my first post so i am sorry if i screw up anywhere. i am however someone who frequently looks at this subreddit and it is another post i saw today that was kind of similar though with some big differences that made me decide to post myself. me and my wife have been married for a little over 7 years and we have 3 kids 2 girls and one boy. of course as you might imagine having 3 kids under 7 it all has a tendency to get a little overwhelming for both of us, but we are doing fine all in all. our day to day is pretty similar to a lot of people i think. i work 50 or so hours a week and help out a load when i get home from work and in the weekends meanwhile my wife is a stay at home mom so takes care of the kids and does most of the housework. in the past 3 years my wife had 4 occurrences where she claimed she just needed some "me-time" and pretty much booked a short solo vacation the first time around only telling me a week before leaving. i was pretty damn mad obviously, however i figured she needed her time and while it was a big and very expensive hassle to get a babysitter in time that could stay full days while i figured out a way to get days off on such a short notice. like i said i was mad, especially because of how she went about it not necessarily because she did it, we all need some me time now and again after all. the next 3 times 2 times she went with 2 of her friends and another one was again a solo trip, but all of them were without asking me. i guess it is pretty clear where this is going. now i work a shitload, when i am home despite sometimes just being exhausted i pull more than my weight to give my wife some breathing room. on the weekends i take on most of the care taking with the kids and do most of the chores, again to give her some breathing space and i got to be honest, sometimes it feels like she doesn't do the same for me in that regard as she seems to think i never need any rest. well a buddy from college invited me on a long weekend fishing trip, i haven't seen the dude for more then casual talks in the mall in over a year and i immediately said yes, i feel like i have just as much right to a short vacation as my wife and given she never asks me before hand, why should i do that? so i didn't really think of it as a problem. when i told my wife however she basically exploded, naming every little thing she does in the house and how "it's not the same" when i pointed out she has done this 4 times. when she understood i was going whether she liked it or not, she tried to get me to take our son because "he'd like to fish with daddy." i said no and it was for me to relax just as she got to. so you tell me guys, am i being an asshole here? she sure seems to think so.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so let me begin by saying that this is my first post so i am sorry if i screw up anywhere. i am however someone who frequently looks at this subreddit and it is another post i saw today that was kind of similar though with some big differences that made me decide to post myself. me and my wife have been married for a little over 7 years and we have 3 kids 2 girls and one boy. of course as you might imagine having 3 kids under 7 it all has a tendency to get a little overwhelming for both of us, but we are doing fine all in all. our day to day is pretty similar to a lot of people i think. i work 50 or so hours a week and help out a load when i get home from work and in the weekends meanwhile my wife is a stay at home mom so takes care of the kids and does most of the housework. in the past 3 years my wife had 4 occurrences where she claimed she just needed some "me-time" and pretty much booked a short solo vacation the first time around only telling me a week before leaving. i was pretty damn mad obviously, however i figured she needed her time and while it was a big and very expensive hassle to get a babysitter in time that could stay full days while i figured out a way to get days off on such a short notice. like i said i was mad, especially because of how she went about it not necessarily because she did it, we all need some me time now and again after all. the next 3 times 2 times she went with 2 of her friends and another one was again a solo trip, but all of them were without asking me. i guess it is pretty clear where this is going. now i work a shitload, when i am home despite sometimes just being exhausted i pull more than my weight to give my wife some breathing room. on the weekends i take on most of the care taking with the kids and do most of the chores, again to give her some breathing space and i got to be honest, sometimes it feels like she doesn't do the same for me in that regard as she seems to think i never need any rest. well a buddy from college invited me on a long weekend fishing trip, i haven't seen the dude for more then casual talks in the mall in over a year and i immediately said yes, i feel like i have just as much right to a short vacation as my wife and given she never asks me before hand, why should i do that? so i didn't really think of it as a problem. when i told my wife however she basically exploded, naming every little thing she does in the house and how "it's not the same" when i pointed out she has done this 4 times. when she understood i was going whether she liked it or not, she tried to get me to take our son because "he'd like to fish with daddy." i said no and it was for me to relax just as she got to. so you tell me guys, am i being an asshole here? she sure seems to think so. [/INST] esh. so your wife booked holidays for herself without discussing it with you and you got mad about it. so you went and did exactly the same? yeah you both suck. work on your communication. while i agree you should be able to take a holiday on your own because she has too, you admitted you got mad about it but went and did it yourself! </s>
|
AITA for firing employee of 20+ years for calling my niece "Princess"
|
my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills.
i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram.
it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years.
but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals.
i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake.
my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me.
she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then."
i fired her on the spot.
my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with.
aita?
| 16,319
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqzqc6/aita_for_firing_employee_of_20_years_for_calling/
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2019-02-15 18:43:07
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yta. if i’m your employee your conversation literally sounds like “she’s my niece, so she can do whatever she wants”. your employee was out of line but instantly firing such a long tenured employee over something so silly will just reinforce what people think of your niece.
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well...if i was your other employees i would probably start looking for another job a because you fired her on the spot with no warnings and b i've seen nepotism in the work place before.
yta
one of those thanks for the silver anon edits- thanks for the silver ;d
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yta, you aren’t wrong for disliking her behavior, but firing an employee of 24 years over a couple comments is way too far. you should have sat her down and discussed her behavior, and taken further action if it continued, but firing her on the spot?
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[deleted]
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yta for straight up firing her over something petty. she was an asshole for being a jerk to your niece, but it’s hard to know whether belladonna is any good at her job or if you just don’t care for her personally. the latter is how it comes across and you fired her in a moment of anger instead of trying to work it out or even warn her.
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i'm going to say yta because you really should have given her a warning first, then if she kept it up fired her. on the other hand maybe you did her a favor since now she can get a job the might promote her after working there for a while.
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info but i’m leaning toward you’re ta
you fired an employee who was loyal to your company for 24 years because she said something inappropriate to your niece who you seem to be showing favoritism toward? from the way this reads you consider your niece a child and are very forgiving of her not knowing how to do very basic things.
is this 24-year employee having to fix your niece’s mistakes? train her on how to do anything? is she responsible in any way for teaching your niece how to grow up and be a big girl in the real world? after 24 years this employee can’t be a manager while this other young adult is being treated with kid gloves?
gtfoh with this. hiring your niece is nepotism. you suck as a boss. your employee deserved, at the very least, to have a frank direct conversation with you about everything and the opportunity for corrective behavior. i hope she finds someone better than you to work for. you sound awful.
|
yta. someone who spent 24 years of their life at a business at least deserves a verbal and written warning for something this minuscule. i *highly* doubt you would have reacted this way if the intern wasn't your niece which is even more unprofessional. you abused your power in my opinion.
|
yta.
there should be many managerial steps between calling someone princess and being fired. there were more appropriate interventions here.
|
esh. employee sounds like a jerk, ally sounds like a kinda spoiled kid who does need the help in “growing up” you’re providing, and you definitely could have handled the situation better. a loyal employee of 20 years deserves more respect than being fired on the spot, jerk or no jerk.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.009259
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills. i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram. it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years. but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals. i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake. my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me. she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then." i fired her on the spot. my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills. i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram. it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years. but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals. i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake. my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me. she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then." i fired her on the spot. my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with. aita? [/INST] yta. if i’m your employee your conversation literally sounds like “she’s my niece, so she can do whatever she wants”. your employee was out of line but instantly firing such a long tenured employee over something so silly will just reinforce what people think of your niece. </s>
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AITA for banning my sister from seeing my kids after what she said?
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let me make it clear, i completely understand that having kids is not for everybody. i respect this and have no problem with it.
i (37m) have five children, (10m), (8f), (5m), (3m) and a five month old son, all of whom have only recently met my sister (33f). she's a wonderful person, but has always been a bit of a free-spirited person, and likes to be in several other places besides home.
obviously, she's only really seen them through skype calls, but they seemed to really be hitting off. and then, a few days ago, my mom sent me pictures of texts she'd exchanged with my sister, in which my sister called my kids 'brats' and said that she cringed throughout each a dj every call because the kids, apparently, were just so terrible to talk to.
i sent the texts to my sister to see what she had to say. my sister asked what i wanted her to say, that she just telling the truth. i told her that, if that's just how she felt, that she was no allow to see the kids in any way, shape or form.
now, my mom's on my back, saying that she had wanted us to talk about it like 'civilized adults' and that i'd overreacted. she told me that my sister had a right to her own opinion, and she was just exercising that right.
is she right? i can kinda see both sides of the argument, i guess.
| 2,481
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m9ocdr/aita_for_banning_my_sister_from_seeing_my_kids/
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2021-03-21 04:26:39
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esh...really, your mom's the asshole here. what your sister said was shitty, but she said it in confidence, not to you. it sounds like she doesn't like kids but has been trying for your sake and was venting. it's understandable that you're mad but cutting her out this dramatically does seem uncalled for. why your mom felt the need to send you the texts and then insert herself into the argument from there is beyond me.
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your mom is ta. everyone would be blissfully ignorant and making efforts to get along if she had stayed out of it.
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your mother is ta, who stirs shit like that in a family?
honestly i’ve had family say my kids were acting like brats, and that’s probably because they were. i only have two kids, and trying to get them to skype someone is like pulling teeth.
i wouldn’t be so hasty to cut your sister out, sounds like she tries to be involved, even if she struggles talking to 5 kids over skype when she’s not a “kid person”. credit where credit is due.
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esh i’ll be honest, i have to commend your sister for making an attempt to know your kids at all at their current ages because when a person doesn’t like kids, any interaction is a nightmare. i don’t like being around kids, i chose not to have any and i also limit my time around my nieces and nephews. i send gifts for the holidays and cards but no phone calls because i hate dealing with the kid behavior.
your sister was venting which she is allowed to do, i think you over reacted by banning her over it and your mom was an asshat for sending those screenshots to you.
everyone is entitled to their own opinion about kids and people will think that your kids are brats at some point but it doesn’t sound like your sister let it affect her interactions with your kids.
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yta for being unable to tell an unbiased story. in your post you say: " my mom sent me pictures of texts she'd exchanged with my sister, in which my sister called my kids 'brats'"
but in your comment, the exact quote is:
>**copied from her text - "the kids were acting like brats the whole time, talking over each other."**
jfc. your sister told your mother, in confidence, over text, that she thought your kids acted like brats on the call. for some reason, your drama-monger mother shared it. when you asked sister and she told the truth, you ban her from seeing the kids. you and your mom just sound like a huge knee-jerk headache.
i look at it this way: what did your sister do wrong? she shared a private opinion that seems like it might have been fair. i'd question it further, but (no offense) you can't tell the difference between someone outright insulting your children and criticizing their behavior. and your reaction to private venting is, "you can never see my kids again!" just... you and your mother are too much.
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"the kids were acting like brats the whole time and talking over each other."
if that's all your sister said than you are 100% ta. kids are brats sometimes, your sister pointing it doesn't make her an asshole. you overreacting does.
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info: can you explain the context in which she called the kids "brats"?
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have you considered the possibility that your kids may be cringe-inducing brats?
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listen. i have 3 nephews who from day one i thought were annoying as hell. it doesn't mean i don't love them, but do i call them assholes to my wife and friends? you betcha. it doesn't mean i wouldn't bend over backwards to help them but you cannot pretend that you don't have strong opinions about family members or friends for that matter. denying your sister the right to see the kids will only raise questions in the future of where their aunt is and why they can't see or talk to them. it's okay for someone to not like kids even if you're related to them. once again though, it still doesn't mean you don't love them. i love my nephew but i often have a hard time being around them for more than a few hours at a time. it's not their fault. it's how i feel about all kids. you are nta. your mom is. but your sister is also nta.
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yta. all kids act like brats. that's not such a big deal. and i love kids.
your mom in particular is a psycho though.
|
ESH
| null | null |
ESH
|
YTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.305415
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: let me make it clear, i completely understand that having kids is not for everybody. i respect this and have no problem with it. i (37m) have five children, (10m), (8f), (5m), (3m) and a five month old son, all of whom have only recently met my sister (33f). she's a wonderful person, but has always been a bit of a free-spirited person, and likes to be in several other places besides home. obviously, she's only really seen them through skype calls, but they seemed to really be hitting off. and then, a few days ago, my mom sent me pictures of texts she'd exchanged with my sister, in which my sister called my kids 'brats' and said that she cringed throughout each a dj every call because the kids, apparently, were just so terrible to talk to. i sent the texts to my sister to see what she had to say. my sister asked what i wanted her to say, that she just telling the truth. i told her that, if that's just how she felt, that she was no allow to see the kids in any way, shape or form. now, my mom's on my back, saying that she had wanted us to talk about it like 'civilized adults' and that i'd overreacted. she told me that my sister had a right to her own opinion, and she was just exercising that right. is she right? i can kinda see both sides of the argument, i guess.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
let me make it clear, i completely understand that having kids is not for everybody. i respect this and have no problem with it. i (37m) have five children, (10m), (8f), (5m), (3m) and a five month old son, all of whom have only recently met my sister (33f). she's a wonderful person, but has always been a bit of a free-spirited person, and likes to be in several other places besides home. obviously, she's only really seen them through skype calls, but they seemed to really be hitting off. and then, a few days ago, my mom sent me pictures of texts she'd exchanged with my sister, in which my sister called my kids 'brats' and said that she cringed throughout each a dj every call because the kids, apparently, were just so terrible to talk to. i sent the texts to my sister to see what she had to say. my sister asked what i wanted her to say, that she just telling the truth. i told her that, if that's just how she felt, that she was no allow to see the kids in any way, shape or form. now, my mom's on my back, saying that she had wanted us to talk about it like 'civilized adults' and that i'd overreacted. she told me that my sister had a right to her own opinion, and she was just exercising that right. is she right? i can kinda see both sides of the argument, i guess. [/INST] esh...really, your mom's the asshole here. what your sister said was shitty, but she said it in confidence, not to you. it sounds like she doesn't like kids but has been trying for your sake and was venting. it's understandable that you're mad but cutting her out this dramatically does seem uncalled for. why your mom felt the need to send you the texts and then insert herself into the argument from there is beyond me. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL that she upstaged me at my wedding?
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i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding.
i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all.
the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing.
we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner.
when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita?
| 15,597
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8zm9t/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_she_upstaged_me_at/
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2022-09-08 12:46:43
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yta. you know what make tiffany so attractive compared to you? her *confidence*.
> “if you think it’ll help”
what a classy, confident woman tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary. if you weren’t busy feeling threatened by her, you could learn a thing of two. hell, *i’d* love to learn a thing or two from her.
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yta “if you think it’ll help” tiffany is hilarious and beautiful!
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"i don't begrudge her this at all."
you sure about this? yta.
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>her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her.
yeah yta if all she did was exist in the space you invited her to.
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yta. by your own admission outfit was completely appropriate for the event. she didn't wear white, announce her engagement or pregnancy during your wedding, strip or bang the best man in the coat closet, she simply attended. apologize and work on your insecurities.
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yta. you are petty and insecure. your comment of the "comically large" ring just adds jealous to your list of unfavourable qualities.
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yta. she didn't do anything but be herself. nothing you said showed any malicious intent to upstage you.
>she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'.
also, op sounds very jealous and petty here. tiffany handled this with grace and confidence as well. no wonder why people think she is so beautiful.
op work on building your confidence so you don't have worry about what people say.
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yta - someone came to your wedding, "her outfit was totally appropriate for the event" and because men at your wedding were more attracted to her than you, she "upstaged you" and ruined your wedding?
so, you wanted all of the men attending your wedding (besides the one you are there marrying) to be sexually/romantically interested in you, the bride, on the day you are celebrating your commitment to your husband?
and she is a bad person, for being conventionally attractive, putting effort into her appearance, and having people notice that?
even if you buy into our culture of "you get to be a princess on your wedding day and everything has to be absolutely perfectly the way you want it to be" in order to get people to spend (what used to be) a house worth of money on that day, do you not see how controlling it is of you to expect everyone at your wedding to be less attractive/desirable than you? should she have put on some coveralls and a baseball hat and sat in the back so you could have the spotlight on you?
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yta for blaming tiffany for others’ reactions to her. blame your fil and the best man, if you must, and anyone who was loudly drooling over her. if your friends prioritized asking about her over appreciating you at your wedding, that’s on them not her.
btw since tiffany is now engaged, where was her now-fiancé during your wedding? all of the “omg is she single” reactions suggest that he (or she) wasn’t obviously there with her.
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yta, and you should probably know that insecurity which manifests itself as being vicious to others is the single most unattractive quality a person can have.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding. i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all. the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing. we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner. when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding. i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all. the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing. we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner. when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita? [/INST] yta. you know what make tiffany so attractive compared to you? her *confidence*. > “if you think it’ll help” what a classy, confident woman tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary. if you weren’t busy feeling threatened by her, you could learn a thing of two. hell, *i’d* love to learn a thing or two from her. </s>
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AITA for being honest about how I was bullied and how the teachers at my school did nothing about it while being interviewed by a current student?
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i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me.
i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?”
i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.”
so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents.
i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week.
she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community.
a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong?
finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed.
it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita?
**
| 31,227
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lb4bjq/aita_for_being_honest_about_how_i_was_bullied_and/
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2021-02-02 19:37:07
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nta.
> trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people
you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people.
> i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members
those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations.
it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable.
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nta. dude. i have *dreams* about getting mildly famous and doing an interview revealing all the ways my school was a cesspit of shit.
*you just lived my dream op*. nta nta nta!
honestly the women does not deserve an award if she bullies students.
and the school should have reached out to you, apologized, and asked what they can do better. their whole attitude shows they are *still* a terrible school!
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nta
you told the truth. people got things taken away from them and got a bad reputation for their actions. you didn’t make them act that way.
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you are soooo nta. the school is upset because the truth makes them look bad?!? think about that. the truth makes the school look bad.
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nta. funny how the burden is supposed to be on *you*, the former student, to protect all these upstanding, experienced pillars of the community, and not on them to explain themselves. which clearly they can't, or the one who made fun of your name wouldn't have had her award yanked purely on your say-so.
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nta. if the school’s response to this is to attempt to guilt and gaslight you into backing off, instead of at least apologizing for what happened to you, then they absolutely deserve to have their reputation ruined. and if that teacher lost a lifetime teaching award over it, i’m wondering if your story caused other students to come forward with stories of being bullied by her.
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nta. a quote i found a few years ago- “ you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
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nta - you told the truth, and unfortunately i'm guessing that these teachers and students who made your life hell never learnt that actions have consequences.
well, now they know.
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do you have a link to this interview? i vote we make it go viral. oh nta. but let's be real, you knew that already. you were not out of line at all.
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nta “maybe you remember it wrong” is a term often used towards victims when they in fact do not remember it wrong. the teachers were a piece of sh/ and finally got their bs called out. awwww poor teachers they finally got their bullying called out, awww- cry me a river and build a bridge.
“get over it” you can still tell the story and still be over it. the interviewer asked you about school, were you supposed to lie and paint the school as a beautiful place when it, in reality condones bullying from both students and faculty?? nta it’s about time they got their sh/ called out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? ** [/INST] nta. > trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people. > i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations. it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable. </s>
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AITA FOR NOT GIVING MY COUSIN MY GRANDMOTHER’s HOUSE AFTER SHE PASSED
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i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund.
she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids.
she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole
| 23,858
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ql2f9c/aita_for_not_giving_my_cousin_my_grandmothers/
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2021-11-02 11:47:11
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nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless??
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nta. it’s your house, i hate the narrative that people who don’t have kids should roll over to give people with kids anything and everything they want
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nta. your gran left you the house. it’s yours. your cousin has absolutely no right to it. why should having kids make her more eligible for it than you? don’t even bother to engage in any further conversations with anyone about this.
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nta. depending on where in atlanta, property taxes can be an [expletive redacted] and struggle. if your cousin wasn't able to help your grandmother out in her time of need, what makes her think she'll be able to afford property taxes, utilities, &tc., now? enjoy your new home, op!
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nta. if they want your cousin to live in a house so bad they can let her and her kids move in with them. your grandmother left the house to you. if your family keeps harassing you just tell them that you’re respecting your grandmother’s last wishes and leave it at that. i’d recommend that you change the locks on the house asap just in case any of them have a spare key to it.
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nta. so, outside perspective... did your grandmother really need to back taxes money? or, is it possible she reached out to family to see who among them would be willing to help without question? you were the only one who did so without hesitation or demands. you got the house. seems granny was testing the waters while deciding what to do with her personal affairs
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nta
her having kids does not entitle he to the house left to you. if your nana had wanted her to have it, she would have given it to her.
i am so sorry for your loss. don't let anyone guilt you out of your inheritance.
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nope, nta
grammy already knew exactly what was up!
where were your cousin & the rest of the family that is now on her side when grammy was about to lose her house & you were the only one to step up then?! are they all disabled single moms who cannot help?!
if that family wants your cousin to get the help she needs, they should totally, 100% offer her their house for use for her and her kids.
____
family: “you should give your cousin your house...”
you: “hmmm... let’s see what grammy has to say about that” *pulls will out of pocket...*
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nta. you need to respect your grandmother's wishes. she wanted you to have the house. tell your cousin she can take it up with granny as to why she didnt get the house. it will be just as hard for you to buy a house, real estate is expensive. you have the upper hand. just weather the storm of insults and criticism from disgraceful family and cut out those who are too much to bear. sorry to hear about your grandmother. nta
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nta. what if you end up having kids one day??
keep the house, tell them to fuck off. if they originally wanted the house then they should have spent more time with grandma and asked her for it
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole [/INST] nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless?? </s>
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AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my husband?
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hi, throwaway because of reasons.
i've (f,28) been with my husband (m,28) for 4 years. every christmas eve, we go a couple of hours to my parents' dinner and a couple of hours to his parents' dinner. i find this arrangement to be awful because this means not being in neither of the dinners, rushing, driving 1 hour between places, etc.
the worse part is that my parents' dinner is a full blown party with all of my extended family, a 5 course dinner, open bar, presents, hired waiters, etc. its fancy af and its tradition.
his parents' christmas dinner is to argue about what to eat, ordering a pizza, a gift swap, and by midnight everyone is asleep.
so, i've hinted to him before that we should go on christmas eve to my parents' and stay there and go to the in-laws for christmas day for lunch, but he just brushes it off, and it's kind of a touchy subject because i know that deep down he only wants to go to his mom's because she guilt trips him about spending it "alone" which means, without her children (who are full grown men). so it turns into 'choose a me vs your mom' situation.
because of this, i plan on telling him that he can go to his mom's on christmas eve and i'll go to my parents' because honestly i rather spend it without him that missing out on my family's dinner once again. we've done this on nye on several occasions because the situation is exactly the same. and i really don't care because, for me, it's just a day in the calendar as any other. for him it's 'christmas is so special we have to be together' but he hasn't even bought me a gift this year and is going to rush on the 24th to the mall and buy me the first thing he sees, so i call bullshit.
aita?
| 2,012
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ee5ij4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_spend_christmas_with_my/
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2019-12-22 14:36:03
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nah.
everyone likes to spend christmas with those they love. it's about finding a proper compromise.
how about set up a new arrangement.
on christmas day...
one year your parents
one year his parents
and just alternate.
or, perhaps, you host once every 3 years. and invite both sides (space allowing)
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oof. esh, and i want to pass on a trenchant thought from carolyn hax: contempt is the death knell of intimacy. you sound quite contemptuous of him, his family, and his efforts, and that's leading to you acting like they neither matter nor even exist. i get the frustration, but if you two can't talk about this and come up with a better solution that takes both of you into account, you're going to dig this trench deeper every year. whether it's alternating years so that you each get a chance to have the whole night with family sometimes, or agreeing amicably to go different ways some year, or getting your parents to invite his parents, or whatever, learning to resolve tricky conflicts with both partners' needs in mind is ultimately going to do more for you than a five course meal.
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nta, my family lives out of state and i sometimes do christmas without my husband. the part that bothers me is the buying the first thing he sees on the 24th part. he sucks for that reason. i’d rather get nothing than a thoughtless, obligatory gift
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kinda esh. i do see your point, but you two are married. you both should find a compromise.
can your fam invite his fam to the party?
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yta, it seems like because your side’s christmas is more formal and fancy it should take priority. a 1 hour drive isn’t the problem, it’s that you don’t like spending christmas with his family and you look down on their tradition.
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esh.
what we did, until things changed, was we decided we are never running between houses. if the events are staggered by a day, then we just alternate every year.
btw, you need counseling with your husband. neither of you seems to care about the other that much.
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nta. you're not upset about the fanciness of the two traditions, it sounds like you're unhappy with three separate issues.
1. because you always do your family christmas first, your celebration is cut short, but your husband's never is.
2. your in-laws' tendency to disperse after gift giving and not congregate beforehand leaves you feeling awkward, especially as an outsider who isn't (necessarily) on the most familiar terms with the hosts/guests/house.
3. the casual attitude with which your in-laws treat christmas eve is becoming somewhat mentally conflated with your husband's callous attitude towards gift giving.
u/christmasaita do you think this sounds pretty fair? either way, i'd talk to your husband and really articulate what your issue actually is, and come up with a reasonable alternative to each of these problems. you could do joint family christmas eve, go to his family's christmas eve and then yours, do one year yours one year his, christmas eve at yours and christmas day at his...there are plenty of options here. i'd also honestly address the fact that a lot of your frustration might be coming from a place of feeling lonely or awkward at a gathering that you've always come to associate with family time. maybe he'll see that it's more an emotional response to an atmosphere, not a judgement on attire and catering.
i'd also have a totally separate but equally honest conversation with him where you talk about gift giving and why this upsets you. explain that it's hurtful to spend a lot of time and sometimes money picking out something really personal and then feel like an afterthought in return. but i'd be careful to avoid conflating his family with your gift frustration; from my read of this, the two are unrelated except for your own emotional struggles (which are valid), especially since it seems that christmas is a very big deal in your upbringing.
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esh this is not how issues should be handled in a marriage. if he won’t talk to you about things that’s a serious problem.
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nah, but the reality is that christmas is hard when you're trying to please two families.
could his mother come to your family? that could be a win-win.
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nta my boyfriend and i have the same predicament and we go to my families party on christmas eve and we go to his families party christmas day.
he cant have it both ways. if he wants the see his family thats fine he should be allowed to but so should you. it should be something you should be able to work out and talk about.
by the way i don't think his lack of gift thoughtfulness, however bad it might be, has anything to do with the legitimacy of his desire to see his mom. he might actually care about his mom quite a lot for all we know.
he should care a little bit more about you though because there are obviously other problems here that give your marriage a pretty rocky appearance. maybe couples counseling could teach each other your love languages or maybe teach you guys to be nicer to each other.
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NAH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.595226
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, throwaway because of reasons. i've (f,28) been with my husband (m,28) for 4 years. every christmas eve, we go a couple of hours to my parents' dinner and a couple of hours to his parents' dinner. i find this arrangement to be awful because this means not being in neither of the dinners, rushing, driving 1 hour between places, etc. the worse part is that my parents' dinner is a full blown party with all of my extended family, a 5 course dinner, open bar, presents, hired waiters, etc. its fancy af and its tradition. his parents' christmas dinner is to argue about what to eat, ordering a pizza, a gift swap, and by midnight everyone is asleep. so, i've hinted to him before that we should go on christmas eve to my parents' and stay there and go to the in-laws for christmas day for lunch, but he just brushes it off, and it's kind of a touchy subject because i know that deep down he only wants to go to his mom's because she guilt trips him about spending it "alone" which means, without her children (who are full grown men). so it turns into 'choose a me vs your mom' situation. because of this, i plan on telling him that he can go to his mom's on christmas eve and i'll go to my parents' because honestly i rather spend it without him that missing out on my family's dinner once again. we've done this on nye on several occasions because the situation is exactly the same. and i really don't care because, for me, it's just a day in the calendar as any other. for him it's 'christmas is so special we have to be together' but he hasn't even bought me a gift this year and is going to rush on the 24th to the mall and buy me the first thing he sees, so i call bullshit. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, throwaway because of reasons. i've (f,28) been with my husband (m,28) for 4 years. every christmas eve, we go a couple of hours to my parents' dinner and a couple of hours to his parents' dinner. i find this arrangement to be awful because this means not being in neither of the dinners, rushing, driving 1 hour between places, etc. the worse part is that my parents' dinner is a full blown party with all of my extended family, a 5 course dinner, open bar, presents, hired waiters, etc. its fancy af and its tradition. his parents' christmas dinner is to argue about what to eat, ordering a pizza, a gift swap, and by midnight everyone is asleep. so, i've hinted to him before that we should go on christmas eve to my parents' and stay there and go to the in-laws for christmas day for lunch, but he just brushes it off, and it's kind of a touchy subject because i know that deep down he only wants to go to his mom's because she guilt trips him about spending it "alone" which means, without her children (who are full grown men). so it turns into 'choose a me vs your mom' situation. because of this, i plan on telling him that he can go to his mom's on christmas eve and i'll go to my parents' because honestly i rather spend it without him that missing out on my family's dinner once again. we've done this on nye on several occasions because the situation is exactly the same. and i really don't care because, for me, it's just a day in the calendar as any other. for him it's 'christmas is so special we have to be together' but he hasn't even bought me a gift this year and is going to rush on the 24th to the mall and buy me the first thing he sees, so i call bullshit. aita? [/INST] nah. everyone likes to spend christmas with those they love. it's about finding a proper compromise. how about set up a new arrangement. on christmas day... one year your parents one year his parents and just alternate. or, perhaps, you host once every 3 years. and invite both sides (space allowing) </s>
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AITA for flipping out upon finding out that my Fiance changed our wedding date?
|
i f31 am currently engaged to my fiance, caleb m34. we're planning on getting married soon. but his 13yo son got diagnosed with a medical condition that will require months of treatment. he'll be receiving treatment next month.
caleb and i chose and agreed on a wedding date. i found out recently that he decided to change it. i was so confused especially when i heard it from one of his friends. i asked him about it and he said it was true he wanted to change the wedding date and gave those reasons:
(a) because he wants to focus on his son and his recovery and give him enough time to get his health back.
(b) he wants his son to be at the wedding looking healthy and happy.
(c) doesn't want his son exposed to large crowd while recovering so he thought the best decision was to put off plans for the wedding til months later.
i felt upset and couldn't help but start arguing with him and objecting to this decision. he argued that i'm being selfish and short sighted and that i clearly don't care about his son like i say i do. i told him he was being unfair and treating me as if i'm happy with these unfortunate circumstances although me and my family have been more than supportive. he told me that if what i'm saying is true then i should be on road with this decision. i thought that was illogical because now i'll have to go look for other venue and make other arrangements because wedding reservations need strict timing and planning ahead of time. he snapped and said that clearly, a wedding is more important for me than my stepson's health but i disagreed and explained that his son can still attend while he's on treatment but he was having non of it.
we had a fight and he went out. his family think he's being reasonable and there's no need to rush but i feel like my opinions and thoughts were stomped on and ignored because he knows i have a specific date on mind that is special to me and if i agree to postpone then i won't get the same date unless i wait another year.
aita for my reaction, did he present a valid argument?
| 5,390
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vtf4pl/aita_for_flipping_out_upon_finding_out_that_my/
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2022-07-07 10:07:22
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esh
his child is seriously sick and should be a priority.
but just changing the date, telling people and not even tell you is also an ahole move.
but op - you are defnitly more wrong
|
esh.
honestly, if your communication sucks this badly at this stage, you have bigger problems that need dealing with.
|
esh
him for not discussing with you first about changing the date but imo, you are the bigger ah, his sons health **is** more important than a wedding!
if its a specific date thats important to you just wait another year.
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esh...his son's health is more important than your wedding date. the fact that he changed it before discussing it with you is concerning. you have terrible communication.
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his argument: i need to care for my son who is sick and may not be ready for the wedding in time
your argument: but this period of 24 hours is important!!!
yta
|
esh
1) he should’ve communicated the date change idea to you and enlisted your help in choosing a new date.
2) you do come off as prioritizing the wedding over the kid’s health because your immediate rebuke to him for changing the date was how it would affect planning for the wedding.
|
yta. yes, he should've talked to you before he talked to his friends, but that alone should tell you that you've got communication issues that need work before you decide to commit the rest of your lives together. as for moving the date on general principle, the fact you're just blowing past a bunch of reasons involving a sick child and somehow don't think that's automatically going to brand you as the asshole in most people's eyes aside, why do you care more about the venue and logistics than the simple fact he's telling you he's not ready? do you want a wedding, or a successful marriage?
also, didn't you post this yesterday?
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info: has he changed your wedding date already, or does he want to change your wedding date? in your title, you present it as a thing that has already happened, but in your description, you talk about it as something that he wants to do and is talking to you about.
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yta. you have no business getting married if you can't prioritize the health of a child over a date on a calendar.
|
yta
he wants his son there that is going through a massive health crisis.
you want a special date for your wedding, well i'm sure dad doesn't want a special date to bury his kid.
you are literally putting a date before a kid's life that you claim to care so much about. just leave now so they can heal together.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.039219
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f31 am currently engaged to my fiance, caleb m34. we're planning on getting married soon. but his 13yo son got diagnosed with a medical condition that will require months of treatment. he'll be receiving treatment next month. caleb and i chose and agreed on a wedding date. i found out recently that he decided to change it. i was so confused especially when i heard it from one of his friends. i asked him about it and he said it was true he wanted to change the wedding date and gave those reasons: (a) because he wants to focus on his son and his recovery and give him enough time to get his health back. (b) he wants his son to be at the wedding looking healthy and happy. (c) doesn't want his son exposed to large crowd while recovering so he thought the best decision was to put off plans for the wedding til months later. i felt upset and couldn't help but start arguing with him and objecting to this decision. he argued that i'm being selfish and short sighted and that i clearly don't care about his son like i say i do. i told him he was being unfair and treating me as if i'm happy with these unfortunate circumstances although me and my family have been more than supportive. he told me that if what i'm saying is true then i should be on road with this decision. i thought that was illogical because now i'll have to go look for other venue and make other arrangements because wedding reservations need strict timing and planning ahead of time. he snapped and said that clearly, a wedding is more important for me than my stepson's health but i disagreed and explained that his son can still attend while he's on treatment but he was having non of it. we had a fight and he went out. his family think he's being reasonable and there's no need to rush but i feel like my opinions and thoughts were stomped on and ignored because he knows i have a specific date on mind that is special to me and if i agree to postpone then i won't get the same date unless i wait another year. aita for my reaction, did he present a valid argument?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f31 am currently engaged to my fiance, caleb m34. we're planning on getting married soon. but his 13yo son got diagnosed with a medical condition that will require months of treatment. he'll be receiving treatment next month. caleb and i chose and agreed on a wedding date. i found out recently that he decided to change it. i was so confused especially when i heard it from one of his friends. i asked him about it and he said it was true he wanted to change the wedding date and gave those reasons: (a) because he wants to focus on his son and his recovery and give him enough time to get his health back. (b) he wants his son to be at the wedding looking healthy and happy. (c) doesn't want his son exposed to large crowd while recovering so he thought the best decision was to put off plans for the wedding til months later. i felt upset and couldn't help but start arguing with him and objecting to this decision. he argued that i'm being selfish and short sighted and that i clearly don't care about his son like i say i do. i told him he was being unfair and treating me as if i'm happy with these unfortunate circumstances although me and my family have been more than supportive. he told me that if what i'm saying is true then i should be on road with this decision. i thought that was illogical because now i'll have to go look for other venue and make other arrangements because wedding reservations need strict timing and planning ahead of time. he snapped and said that clearly, a wedding is more important for me than my stepson's health but i disagreed and explained that his son can still attend while he's on treatment but he was having non of it. we had a fight and he went out. his family think he's being reasonable and there's no need to rush but i feel like my opinions and thoughts were stomped on and ignored because he knows i have a specific date on mind that is special to me and if i agree to postpone then i won't get the same date unless i wait another year. aita for my reaction, did he present a valid argument? [/INST] esh his child is seriously sick and should be a priority. but just changing the date, telling people and not even tell you is also an ahole move. but op - you are defnitly more wrong </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that I don't have to speak to our daughter until I feel comfortable?
|
found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore.
today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together.
i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me."
later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never."
**edit** our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop.
what i've been told:
▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby.
▪︎his family is supportive.
▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method.
and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore.
| 12,862
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lehkta/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_dont_have_to/
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2021-02-07 07:03:59
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yta. i’d tell you why but i’m not talking to you.
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“you used to tell me everything”
you berate your daughter for sharing something really important with you. you destroy her for it.
you wonder why you aren’t close anymore? think of the impossible standards you’ve set for her. how about holding yourself accountable for a change?
yta
|
yta, wow, so you are outsourcing your parenting duties to the good ole fashioned silent treatment, eh?
guess what? accidents happen. and unless you had a steady supply of condoms/made birth control available to your daughter, then i'm not sure how giving her safe sex talks will help much.
safe sex talks also need to be paired with making the resources available to young people. if you don't, they're still going to have sex, because they're still figuring out wtf is going on. she's never had a kid. she doesn't know exactly how hard that can be, especially for a minor.
and you decided to make it harder for your temper tantrum. you have proven to your daughter to not share anything with you, because when she does you walk out on her.
just expect that by the time you're 'comfortable', you'll turn around and be like 'hey guess what, i'm here emotionally' and she'll be gone, until she's comfortable. she won't know when that might be. hopefully never.
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yta
>i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened.
she did.
you walked away.
|
yta. you realize this is the kind of stuff teens kill themselves over right? you are acting really immature and selfish and putting a lot of burden on your wife to deal with this. grow up and act like an adult.
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yta and you probably just ruined your marriage as well as your relationship with your child. your daughter is probably terrified, your wife is trying to help her child, and you think the best thing is to create a whole new layer of drama and make the situation all about you.
you're needed right now by the women in your life, and instead you've decided to be considerably worse than useless. well done.
|
yta.
if i were your wife i would be at the courthouse monday morning filing for divorce, child and spousal support and a move out order for our home effective immediately.
you verbally and emotionally abused your child. there is no way around it. if you are this upset then do your wife and daughter a favor and move out.
|
yta, absolutely. you’re just going to end up pushing her further away.
edit. even with that additional information, they are both clearly aware that they fucked up by using the pull out method. you’re still being a complete ah. her bf wants to raise this baby and they have the support of his family. you haven’t spoken to her in two weeks? you need to get over yourself otherwise you will never get to see your grandchild.
|
yta
right now *you* aren't talking to her. pretty soon it's going to be *her* not talking to you.
say goodbye to ever hearing her say "i love you dad". say goodbye to being called grandpa. say goodbye to walking her down the aisle. say goodbye to her high school graduation. say goodbye to any life changing big events in her life.
that's your future if you can't get over yourself.
she made a life changing decision. from what you are saying, you are making her life choices all about you and your feelings. boo hoo she didn't trust you enough to tell you before her mother. you know a woman who has actually been pregnant. someone that she loves and trusts that has gone through all the emotions that come with growing a human inside of their body.
from your reaction it's not hard to understand why she didn't tell you before her mom.
you owe her a massive apology for your behavior. and it's only going to be through her good graces if you ever have a relationship with her again. even if she does act more mature than you and accept your apology, your relationship will never be the same again.
|
[removed]
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore. today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together. i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me." later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never." **edit** our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop. what i've been told: ▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby. ▪︎his family is supportive. ▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method. and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore. today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together. i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me." later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never." **edit** our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop. what i've been told: ▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby. ▪︎his family is supportive. ▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method. and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore. [/INST] yta. i’d tell you why but i’m not talking to you. </s>
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AITA for not letting my gf be removed from the lease?
|
my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it.
| 7,899
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq6x6i/aita_for_not_letting_my_gf_be_removed_from_the/
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2022-11-09 03:09:28
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yta, major, major and may the karma you put out be reflected back to you. she’s literally going to help her grandma, she’s going to be working to keep her safe and you call that rent free? seriously?
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yta. this relationship sounds doomed.
it would be reasonable to expect her to cover her half of the rent until you found a roommate. but pay half for the rest of the year for a place she doesn't live in? just because you don't like roommates? all because her grandmother had an emergency and needs care?! yikes.
|
yta
let me give you the skinny on falls and the elderly.
if they’re talking nursing home (and likely a medicare bed) that means the fall was bad.
if she broke her hip, you have to understand that depending on her age, that means she’s something like 70-90% more likely to pass in the next six months. the elderly do not bounce back (not that a fractured hip at any age is anything to sneeze at).
in short, your girlfriend isn’t going to be staying rent free. her “rent” will be providing palliative care for her grandmother, and potentially watching her die by degrees.
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yta. you have probably already altered her opinion of you by being so selfish. this relationship isn't going to last much longer.
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yta. and yes, she probably will break up with you. you value her more as a roommate than a love.
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remove her from your lease. and then remove her from your life.
it's unfathomable that someone could be that selfish. how can someone possibly survive at this deficit of compassion, integrity, or empathy for someone they claim to love enough to cohabitate with.
cut her loose, so she can get exactly what she deserves
for instance, a man that gives a damn about her
yta.
|
i'm waffling between nobody sucking but leaning toward esh because both your attitudes and that neither of you seem willing to compromise.
however, i'm not sure why people are so quick to dismiss the fact that your girlfriend signed a lease. if she were living on her own she couldn't just decide to stop paying rent to help her grandma. it sucks, but it's life. that's a binding agreement.
personally, i would not want to live with a roommate other than a partner either. i have gone to great lengths to live in places i could afford to make sure that i can be on my own. that's meant far away neighborhoods with long commutes, small spaces, not super great neighborhoods, you name it. so i understand where you're coming from. perhaps the best solution is to figure out how much it would cost to break the lease and split it between you two. then you could find a place you can afford on your own.
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omg huge yta. she’s going to take care of her grandmother- it’s not like she’s on holiday or something. why should she pay half your rent if she’s not even going to live in the apartment anymore? you are absolutely
childish - grow up and get a roommate. take her off the lease dude.
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wow- so your girlfriend’s grandmother just went through a medical emergency that now requires a live-in aid either temporarily or permanently - and you don’t want to let her out of the lease because “it’s not fair”?
she’s not living there rent free- she is going to be helping her grandmother - which- having done this for someone- is exhausting work. it is physically and emotionally draining af to do what your gf is about to do. if she is still going to hold down a job while doing this she is going to be exhausted with no bandwidth for your bullshit.
and instead of being supportive, or coming up with a compromise- you are just refusing because a roommate is inconvenient.
so- your soon to be ex is basically going to break your lease, and you will both be out your deposit. so good luck with that. yta.
|
info: can she not pay to break the lease?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.007204
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it. [/INST] yta, major, major and may the karma you put out be reflected back to you. she’s literally going to help her grandma, she’s going to be working to keep her safe and you call that rent free? seriously? </s>
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AITA for bringing my entire family to the restaurant where my girlfriend was working as a server in order to meet her?
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i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant.
my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't.
so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine.
however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true.
maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that.
| 12,261
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t11r88/aita_for_bringing_my_entire_family_to_the/
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2022-02-25 11:24:51
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yta. the update'll be that she dumped you and that you're surprised.
she's right, you've blindsided her with something that she's having difficulty coping with. instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario (offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time, for example, and respecting whatever decision she made), you *show up with your whole family at her place of work*. so not only are you ignoring her opinions, but you're also putting her on a tough time at work.
please update us that she broke up with you.
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ohhhh yta. for sure. how uncomfortable for her!! regardless that your family liked her and left a “huge” tip. yuck. i’d be so pissed at you if it was me! the fact that you don’t see an issue, is a huge issue. you should be very apologetic to her
|
yta.
>i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out.
"am i the asshole for conspiring to force my girlfriend to interact with people that i knew she didn't want to interact with?"
really?
|
yta. she clearly wasn't ready to meet them, and instead of respecting that you trampled all over it and brought them into her work (where she quite literally has no choice but to be as respectful and polite as possible) and forced an interaction on her. there is no "maybe" you shouldn't have done that, you absolutely shouldn't have.
|
yta. you blindsided her without even a heads up about them showing up at the restaurant. she was at work and would have had to have had her game face on regardless. you disregarded her feelings here and were only thinking about your own.
if she had worked in an office would you have brought them all in? of course not. just because it's a restaurant doesn't mean it's not a place of employment. she wouldn't have been able to mentally prepare, or wear the clothes she wanted, or even make a first impression on on her terms.
you owe her an apology.
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yta. that was really not fair of you.
1. you should’ve waited until she was ready to meet your family.
2. no one wants to meet their partner’s family for the first time while working. of course she had to prioritize your table over the others.
3. you want to prepare. goodness dude, most people want to make a good first impression. maybe she wanted to meet them while wearing a nice outfit and having washed her hair, not during busy, sweaty day at work.
you messed up. i’m glad your family liked her, but that still doesn’t make up for the blindside. apologize and ask her how you can make it up to her.
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i have to ask how much of a tip was left because i’m dying to know whether is really was a huge tip or not. btw yta.
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[removed]
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yta. there's no way you actually think that springing your family on her while she's working is a good idea to meet your family for the first time.
she must have been so embarrassed, you really are a jackass for making her go through with that.
this too:
>even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job
>
>she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables
no, a waiter can't "make time to get to know your family", you didn't just embarrass your girlfriend. you also probably inadvertently ruined other people's time out at the restaurant.
if your girlfriend was a proctologist, would you schedule your entire family for rectal exams?
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yta. you said it yourself- you knew she didn’t want to meet your family yet. so you forced the issue. at her job, no less!!
there is no scenario in which you are not the asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant. my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't. so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine. however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true. maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant. my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't. so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine. however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true. maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that. [/INST] yta. the update'll be that she dumped you and that you're surprised. she's right, you've blindsided her with something that she's having difficulty coping with. instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario (offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time, for example, and respecting whatever decision she made), you *show up with your whole family at her place of work*. so not only are you ignoring her opinions, but you're also putting her on a tough time at work. please update us that she broke up with you. </s>
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AITA for banning my MIL from the house?
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i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years.
her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap.
fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social".
mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type.
i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;"
last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee.
i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left.
my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top.
it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
| 31,630
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ompv7i/aita_for_banning_my_mil_from_the_house/
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2021-07-18 12:46:26
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nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified.
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[deleted]
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fiancée:”my parents won’t come to the wedding until…”
you: “great! problem solved!”
nta. your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
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nta. mil was way out of line. her behavior is toxic and abusive. you did the right thing, protecting your son from her nonsense.
stand firm. don't let her family push you around in this. whatever "drama" your fiance thinks will cause will be nothing compared to the damage mil can do to your son.
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nta
but you realise that your fiancée is putting her desire to not want an argument with her family above your son's wellbeing right? she should've been standing up for your son against her mother for all her prior behaviour already, but the fact that she's actively choosing to basically side with her mother on this (by not defending your son) is abhorrent.
do you really want to be with someone who would put her own comfort over your son's wellbeing? do you really think your son will be able to trust your fiancée? feel safe and comfortable in his own home? knowing that fiancée will let her mother in the house?
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nta except for the part where you compare this horrible woman to the amazing and lovable dolly. dolly doesn't deserve that type of slander.
keep standing up for your son. if your fiance isn't on his side in this and thinks her mother's fake tears are more important than him feeling safe in his own home... you've got more to think about than just this one situation because i foresee the kid starting to post here before the ink is dry on the guestbook.
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at first, i thought you were talking about your late wife's mother. i chalked her behavior up to grief. holy crap, this woman isn't even related to your son in any way. your primary responsibility is your son. even when (if?) she is your wife, your fiance will also take a backseat to his needs. do not marry this woman until she is willing to set and enforce boundaries with her parents. nta.
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you need to take a look at this relationship and decide if it’s worth continuing or not. you are the father of a child that lost his mother when he was 10 years old. he now has someone his father is going to marry that isn’t going to do what is best for him, but her own mother because that’s what she’s been trained to do her entire life. you will never replace his mother and shouldn’t try, but at least find someone who will stand up for him no matter what. are you truly prepared to have this fight over and over again or put your sons feelings to the side to keep the peace? you need to stop calling them mil and fil until they have the decency to treat your son with the respect he deserves. is this family one that your late wife would be happy for your son to live with? it’s not about you or them, it’s about your son. nta for protecting him, but you will be if you let this continue.
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nta! this sounds like a very toxic family combo that daniel didn't sign up to be a part of. how would your deceased wife feel? i'd end this now before this abuse permanently traumatizes your son
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yta for not kicking your fiancé to the curb for enabling her mother's toxic behavior.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.031039
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama. [/INST] nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified. </s>
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AITA for losing my shit when my parents decided to get a dog after I moved out?
|
i've always wanted a dog. from when i was 9 to when i was 16, i asked for a dog every birthday and christmas. but i was always shut down saying it was not possible. i just stopped asking after that.
i'm 10 years older than my younger siblings. i moved out a month ago to my own place after i graduated college and got a job.
i excitedly told my parents how now i can finally get the dog i wanted and i had an appointment with the shelter next week.
then my mom goes, "looks like your new puppy is going to have a sister!"
i literally freaked out a little thinking my mother was having another kid.
instead, i found out that they'd reserved a puppy with a breeder and were going to pick her up in a month.
when i tell you i lost my shit, i mean it. i went full exorcist and was screaming at them like a mad woman.
like every resentment i had just erupted and i called them some really mean stuff. my parents and i were in tears by the end of it.
i've refused to talk to them since.
yesterday, i got a text from my 13 year old calling me a bitch because my parents were cancelling the puppy reservation.
i then sent them a message in the family whatsapp group saying that if their goal was to completely exclude me from the family then congratulations, they've succeeded.
i then left the group and blocked my parents.
my dad knocked on my door last night begging me to forgive them and to please give them a chance to talk.
i refused to let him in.
aita?
| 9,336
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzewek/aita_for_losing_my_shit_when_my_parents_decided/
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2020-07-28 13:44:29
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esh - it sounds like the dog was sort of a final-straw in a lifetime of being treated differently than your siblings.
you were right to call them out, but maybe not in the extreme fashion you did. the cancellation of the deposit with the breeder shows at least some self awareness that there was some truth in the things that you said.
it’s okay to be mad and to need space. you may want to address the larger issues at play, but in your own time.
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esh
but hear me out.
just because they didn't know what they were doing when raising you isn't a reason to cut them out. getting your lifelong wish after you moved out is such a wang move. no words are strong enough. they just might be that emotionally dumb, but people should be encouraged to grow if possible. and the only way is two way communication. and they are quite visibly sorry, and judging by all their actions did not intend to hurt you. intent and all that
you are not the absolute worst for blowing up, because it seems like the pressure really blew the cap off. you are absolutely allowed to be hurt and take time for yourself and all that jazz. you even have the right to go nc. but you are the abolutest cold soggy donut for hurting them back intentionally. that crap is never on. because you wanted to hurt them, so you did.
the thirteen year old gets a pass for this because they are 13 and their brain is just nope right now.
we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.
figure out what you're intending with your actions. then check whether your actions will actually get there.
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i’m going to be downvoted so much but i’m going to go with nta
yes, you shouting at them was unfair but then again, what they did was worse and unfair too. the reason i said nta and not e-s-h is because honestly, as the eldest i relate to you. i’ve always had to play babysitter and never had the freedoms my younger siblings did. i still don’t lol.
so i get it. i’d say, send ur parents a text and say you need a break from them. tell them about how you’ve always felt. get that out of your system but also allow them to understand where they went wrong. take that break, for as long as you need. go no-contact or low-contact. honestly, take therapy or counselling. it really helps.
after that, reach out and take them to a family counselling session.
don’t burn this bridge yet.
|
people keep saying "e-s-h" and "y-t-a", but i'm going to go with "not enough information", it's weird for a person to just explode like that for a dog, i assume there's more here than just i asked for a dog and didn't get it, and there's zero info about how ops relationship with her parents and siblings is.
also, i get why the parents would decide to cancel the dog adoption, but by doing this they're just making the younger siblings resentful towards the old one.
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straying from the herd to say nta. immature? yes. petty? yes. but nta, that would be your parents who not only ignored your wishes and then gave them to your siblings, but they waited until you were going to get your dog to tell you (in a rather insensitive way) they were getting a dog, tainting her exciting moment. this was something op was waiting her whole life for and in her head she had moved out and it was finally possible, only to find out it had been possible all along her wishes just were not important enough to her family.
you completely overreacted but we can all do intense stuff when emotions are high, unblock them, apologize for hurtful things said, tell them to get the dog (they should go to a shelter not a breeder btw), and then tell them this was a build-up of feeling unimportant and i need some space. and then enjoy your new fur-child!
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esh. you were an arsehole for sure, but i would probably be just as upset if my parents had done the same.
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info: is it possible that the family financial situation that you weren't privy to changed? is it possible they didn't want a dog until all children were old enough to pull their weight? is it possible one or both of your parents jobs have changed allowing them time for a puppy? maybe your parents didn't think you were mature enough for a dog, given your monumental temper tantrum it wouldn't be surprising.
there is a crap load of factors that need to be thought about before getting a dog other than just "i wanted a dog" have you thought about these factors because honestly i moved out of my folks house at 18, 11 years later i am finally starting to think about getting a dog because life wouldn't allow for it. you seem to think very emotionally and for your future dogs sake you need to stop doing that.
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yta. very mildly.
being angry, even yelling at your parents doesn't make you an asshole. feeling resentment, especially over the fact that your mom said so nonchalantly that your siblings could have what you've always wanted, also doesn't make you the asshole.
but *neither* does your parents - *with one fewer mouth to feed* \- deciding to get a dog. they get to own pets. your parents deciding it was a bad time to own a dog when you were a kid also doesn't make them assholes. there's lots of hard decisions being a parent.
>like every resentment i had just erupted and i called them some really mean stuff. my parents and i were in tears by the end of it.
>
>i've refused to talk to them since.
this is the place where someone becomes an asshole.
there's something *else* here. there's no way the dog is the only thing that's made you feel this way. and instead of exploring that productively, at least trying to heal this rift, you were mad and you stay mad.
your parents were fallible adults (like you are now) who had to make tough decisions, made some of them wrong, and deserve a chance to respond to your feelings. you deserve to have your resentments heard, if you're willing to actually couch them in a way that people can talk about, not just hurling invective and hanging up the phone.
your parents might have been *unconscionable* assholes. we don't know that from your post. that's something that has nothing to do with owning a dog or not. whether or not someone owns a dog just isn't worth this level of drama.
go work through your shit. call them out and give them a chance, as an adult to an adult, to explain themselves.
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i dunno, man. i feel for you. i'm the youngest of 6 and have the same situation that you have in reverse. it sucks watching other siblings get opportunities that you wish you could have. it sucks feeling on the outside because your parents put so much more care into raising your siblings than you.
i'm going to guess your resentment is from a lifetime of frustration and not just a puppy. i'm sorry.
i mean this genuinely and truly: you deserve good things. sometimes life has different ideas. now, were your parents negligent? i couldn't say. is your resentment warranted? without a full picture, its hard to say. but they are your feelings and you are entirely entitled to them.
what you are not entitled to is the verbal abuse you spewed. you're not entitled to hurt other people. i get that you're hurt and maybe right now you feel vindicated and angry, but that is not the way to get it.
i gently say yta for this situation. you would do well to get into therapy to get some healthy coping mechanisms that do not involve debolving into screaming. i'd suggest looking at where that first response of screaming comes from. can you put your frustration into words?
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yta - there’s so many factors involved with getting a dog besides just wanting one. without knowing how you grew up this seems like a gross overreaction on your part.
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.402689
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've always wanted a dog. from when i was 9 to when i was 16, i asked for a dog every birthday and christmas. but i was always shut down saying it was not possible. i just stopped asking after that. i'm 10 years older than my younger siblings. i moved out a month ago to my own place after i graduated college and got a job. i excitedly told my parents how now i can finally get the dog i wanted and i had an appointment with the shelter next week. then my mom goes, "looks like your new puppy is going to have a sister!" i literally freaked out a little thinking my mother was having another kid. instead, i found out that they'd reserved a puppy with a breeder and were going to pick her up in a month. when i tell you i lost my shit, i mean it. i went full exorcist and was screaming at them like a mad woman. like every resentment i had just erupted and i called them some really mean stuff. my parents and i were in tears by the end of it. i've refused to talk to them since. yesterday, i got a text from my 13 year old calling me a bitch because my parents were cancelling the puppy reservation. i then sent them a message in the family whatsapp group saying that if their goal was to completely exclude me from the family then congratulations, they've succeeded. i then left the group and blocked my parents. my dad knocked on my door last night begging me to forgive them and to please give them a chance to talk. i refused to let him in. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've always wanted a dog. from when i was 9 to when i was 16, i asked for a dog every birthday and christmas. but i was always shut down saying it was not possible. i just stopped asking after that. i'm 10 years older than my younger siblings. i moved out a month ago to my own place after i graduated college and got a job. i excitedly told my parents how now i can finally get the dog i wanted and i had an appointment with the shelter next week. then my mom goes, "looks like your new puppy is going to have a sister!" i literally freaked out a little thinking my mother was having another kid. instead, i found out that they'd reserved a puppy with a breeder and were going to pick her up in a month. when i tell you i lost my shit, i mean it. i went full exorcist and was screaming at them like a mad woman. like every resentment i had just erupted and i called them some really mean stuff. my parents and i were in tears by the end of it. i've refused to talk to them since. yesterday, i got a text from my 13 year old calling me a bitch because my parents were cancelling the puppy reservation. i then sent them a message in the family whatsapp group saying that if their goal was to completely exclude me from the family then congratulations, they've succeeded. i then left the group and blocked my parents. my dad knocked on my door last night begging me to forgive them and to please give them a chance to talk. i refused to let him in. aita? [/INST] esh - it sounds like the dog was sort of a final-straw in a lifetime of being treated differently than your siblings. you were right to call them out, but maybe not in the extreme fashion you did. the cancellation of the deposit with the breeder shows at least some self awareness that there was some truth in the things that you said. it’s okay to be mad and to need space. you may want to address the larger issues at play, but in your own time. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that her being so "woke" embarasses me?
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we were hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend last night and we were just talking about random fears. i said i still hate the movie scream because one night when i was seven my mom asked me to look in her closet because there was a noise and it was probably just the new puppy but closets freak her out, and my dad was out so i am the man of the house. my dad was in the closet and scared the fuck out of me with a scream mask, the weekend after my cousin let me watch the movie.
i thought it was just a random funny story everyone would laugh at but my girlfriend took it seriously and said that was kind of abusive. i told her i never felt that way and it was just a prank. she said telling a seven year old they are the man of the house is setting them up for "toxic masculinity"
my sister just said wow and rolled her eyes, but it was kind of uncomfortable. i told my girlfriend in the car that sometimes i think she tries to act too "woke" and it embarasses me. she got mad and said i am making her personality seem like some image she is trying to project, but i feel like i have the right to be honest.
| 3,468
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvyhpc/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_being_so/
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2020-11-17 18:35:30
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nah. i think this is just a reasonable difference of opinion. it's a pretty major one, and i think that could be a tough one to overcome, but i don't think it's right to say either person is objectively correct, you just have opposing outlooks on "wokeness" and gender issues.
i would try to ignore the posts in here that base their answer on your being right, or her being right. that's what happens in threads with a heated, controversial core issue like this. that isn't going to give you any meaningful insight about your question, that's more of an opinion survey about using the phrase "man of the house" with kids.
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light yta. i don't know what these other people are on, but your girlfriend has a point. i don't know if it was outright abusive for your dad to have done this, but it's definitely not okay to use the phrase "man of the house" with a 7-year old kid. that *is* setting them up for a toxic view of masculinity.
it's also definitely not funny or at all okay to scare a 7-year old for your own personal entertainment to the extent that he ends up developing a long term fear based off of the event.
your girlfriend isn't being "woke" when she points something like this out. she cares about you and is understandably upset that you were treated poorly at such a young age by your own parents. you attacked her for being concerned about you because you cared more about keeping up a certain image with your sister and her bf than what your girlfriend was trying to communicate with you. that makes you ta.
i say light because clearly you've been raised in a family that scoffs at the mere idea of toxic masculinity and/or abuse so it makes sense why you reacted the way you did. just apologize to your girlfriend (sincerely) and ask her more about her perspective on this/similar situations if you care about her at all.
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going against the grain here and saying yta.
you told a story about how your parents set you up for a prank that led you to develop a life-long fear, and they did so using a concept that does indeed fall under the category of "toxic masculinity". when your girlfriend expressed concern for how that affected you, as is natural for a girlfriend to do, you told her she embarrassed you and accused her of putting on an act. if you don't feel like it qualifies as abuse, you can say that without getting mean and resorting to personal attacks.
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nah but your gf has a point. i would have been furious if my husband had done that to my seven year old son. that's not funny and it is borderline abusive. you aren't "woke" to realize this, just human.
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unless you know for a fact that she is only saying these things as a performance then you have no right to tell her she's "acting woke" and she's right that you are trying to accuse her of projecting a fake personality and that makes yta.
it seems like she didn't read the room because i wouldn't consider all pranks on kids as abuse, but telling a 7 year old that they're the man of the house is toxic masculinity.
genuinely sounds like you two just aren't compatable if this is a constant issue.
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nah but it’s interesting that the first conclusion you jumped to was that she was being performatively woke and not that she cared about you and legitimately thought something that happened to you was upsetting.
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nta and like all of these commenters really need to learn 1) you are not psychologists and do not know ops life story so who are you to assume his dad was abusive based off a single reddit post 2) we can acknowledge that telling a 7 year old boy they're the man of the house is probably problematic while also letting op narrate their own life story instead of imposing our opinions on it 3) not everything has to be a life lesson or a woke virtue signaling endeavor.
even if your dad was abusive and being the man of the house at 7 is problematic, you are entitled to find humor in your own life story even if your woke girlfriend doesn't see it. you are also allowed to be annoyed by your girlfriend trying to tell you how to feel about your life in the name of her being woke.
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nta telling someone they got abused, when they are old enough to judge by them self is meh.
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info do you, in fact, think that she’s putting on a performance or project a personality for some points or do you believe she’s sincere & just disagree?
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i think i would say a light esh, cause i mean what happened wasn't abusive but the whole phrase "being the man of the house" at age 7 is kinda toxic masculinity related. but i mean it didn't seen it was that deep in this situation. so she probably made it a bigger deal than it is. but you saying she embarasses you is kinda mean. it seems like she that cause she cares. and also calling out toxic masculinity isn't necessarily being "woke". its an actual problem, just not too much in this situation.
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.774597
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we were hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend last night and we were just talking about random fears. i said i still hate the movie scream because one night when i was seven my mom asked me to look in her closet because there was a noise and it was probably just the new puppy but closets freak her out, and my dad was out so i am the man of the house. my dad was in the closet and scared the fuck out of me with a scream mask, the weekend after my cousin let me watch the movie. i thought it was just a random funny story everyone would laugh at but my girlfriend took it seriously and said that was kind of abusive. i told her i never felt that way and it was just a prank. she said telling a seven year old they are the man of the house is setting them up for "toxic masculinity" my sister just said wow and rolled her eyes, but it was kind of uncomfortable. i told my girlfriend in the car that sometimes i think she tries to act too "woke" and it embarasses me. she got mad and said i am making her personality seem like some image she is trying to project, but i feel like i have the right to be honest.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we were hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend last night and we were just talking about random fears. i said i still hate the movie scream because one night when i was seven my mom asked me to look in her closet because there was a noise and it was probably just the new puppy but closets freak her out, and my dad was out so i am the man of the house. my dad was in the closet and scared the fuck out of me with a scream mask, the weekend after my cousin let me watch the movie. i thought it was just a random funny story everyone would laugh at but my girlfriend took it seriously and said that was kind of abusive. i told her i never felt that way and it was just a prank. she said telling a seven year old they are the man of the house is setting them up for "toxic masculinity" my sister just said wow and rolled her eyes, but it was kind of uncomfortable. i told my girlfriend in the car that sometimes i think she tries to act too "woke" and it embarasses me. she got mad and said i am making her personality seem like some image she is trying to project, but i feel like i have the right to be honest. [/INST] nah. i think this is just a reasonable difference of opinion. it's a pretty major one, and i think that could be a tough one to overcome, but i don't think it's right to say either person is objectively correct, you just have opposing outlooks on "wokeness" and gender issues. i would try to ignore the posts in here that base their answer on your being right, or her being right. that's what happens in threads with a heated, controversial core issue like this. that isn't going to give you any meaningful insight about your question, that's more of an opinion survey about using the phrase "man of the house" with kids. </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL that my husband did not like her Christmas gift?
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my husband suffers from a pretty serious medical condition, and because of this, he is on a special diet prescribed by his doctor. certain foods are off limits, especially nuts and seeds as they could exacerbate this condition. the last time he had a flare up he had to have an emergency surgery and was in the hospital for four days, so my husband is very strict about following this diet.
every year my mil sends my husband one of those gourmet food boxes with snacks and things like that. and every year she sends him things that he either cannot eat because of his medical condition, or that he simply does not like. he has told her numerous times to stop sending these boxes because they will either go to waste since nobody in the house will eat them or they just sit on the table in the break room at work until someone throws them out.
on monday my husband received his box and when he opened it, it was an assortment of mixed nuts and chocolate. he texted mil and fil and thanked them, but reminded them again that he cannot eat nuts, but he would take it to work and share it with everyone.
last night my mil texted me and asked how we liked the box so i told her the truth, i said that it was a nice gesture, but husband really did not like it because he cannot eat anything that she sent. apparently this was not the answer that she wanted to hear because she immediately got upset with me. she basically said that i was lying and only said that to make her feel bad. she also said that if my mother was the one who sent this gift everyone would love it. i told her again that husband has a serious medical condition and that the nuts were number one on the list of foods that he cannot eat according to his doctor. fil then called me to see what i said to her to make her so upset. i told him exactly what i told her, and he began shouting at me that you never look a gift horse in the mouth and that next year they will send nothing and make sure to tell my husband that it was because of me, and asked how i would like that.
i told my husband about the conversation with his parents and he told me i should not have said anything. i told my husband that all i did was tell the truth when someone asked me a question.
aita for telling my mil that my husband did not like the gift she sent?
| 4,560
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rgyerc/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_my_husband_did_not/
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2021-12-15 12:51:17
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info:
>he texted mil and fil and thanked them, but reminded them again that he cannot eat nuts, but he would take it to work and share it with everyone.
so...why exactly are they confused enough about how he felt about the gift to be asking you, let alone accusing you of lying? and more importantly, why is he upset that you basically restated what he already said, but with slightly more emphasis on the "we can't use this" part?
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nta: next year we’ll send you nothing! ... okay, that would be great, thanks!
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nta. i don't even know what your mil was thinking while sending the gift. according to your post, your husband has tod her multiple times he cannot eat nuts and she still sends him nuts?? did she think he would suddenly wake up one day and start eating nuts?
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nta
your husband: “hey, i’m extremely allergic to nuts. like, hospitalization allergic”
his mom: sends an aerosolized peanut oil dispenser
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nta.
what is going on though? why is your husband mad that you said the same thing he allegedly did? are y’all rly on the same page here
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next year them sending *nothing* sounds like a win-win. parents don’t waste their money, and your husband doesn’t have to dispose of the unwanted gift. nta
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nta. you are talking about your mil, presumably your husband's mother, right? shouldn't she already know all about his allergies? sounds like she's very self-absorbed and only sends gifts to get the thanks. you did nothing wrong, it's your husband that seems to be ignoring the issue, maybe because he doesn't want to rock the boat...
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nta. seems like he’s already told her he isn’t eating them but giving it away to p pole at his work so i’m not sure why she was surprised.
personally i’d have said “husband has already told you how he feels” and ended the conversation but i see nothing wrong with what you did honestly
edit watch out if you eat over there because i would not put it past her to crush up nuts in the food and serve it to him to see if he has an actual reaction to it
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nta, but why do i get the feeling your husband isn't being honest about reminding his mom he can't have any of it? why would she message you if he already texted thank you? i'm thinking he's not telling them that every year he can't eat it to save their feelings.
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the proper answer to that question was “oh ask husband what he thought!”
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband suffers from a pretty serious medical condition, and because of this, he is on a special diet prescribed by his doctor. certain foods are off limits, especially nuts and seeds as they could exacerbate this condition. the last time he had a flare up he had to have an emergency surgery and was in the hospital for four days, so my husband is very strict about following this diet. every year my mil sends my husband one of those gourmet food boxes with snacks and things like that. and every year she sends him things that he either cannot eat because of his medical condition, or that he simply does not like. he has told her numerous times to stop sending these boxes because they will either go to waste since nobody in the house will eat them or they just sit on the table in the break room at work until someone throws them out. on monday my husband received his box and when he opened it, it was an assortment of mixed nuts and chocolate. he texted mil and fil and thanked them, but reminded them again that he cannot eat nuts, but he would take it to work and share it with everyone. last night my mil texted me and asked how we liked the box so i told her the truth, i said that it was a nice gesture, but husband really did not like it because he cannot eat anything that she sent. apparently this was not the answer that she wanted to hear because she immediately got upset with me. she basically said that i was lying and only said that to make her feel bad. she also said that if my mother was the one who sent this gift everyone would love it. i told her again that husband has a serious medical condition and that the nuts were number one on the list of foods that he cannot eat according to his doctor. fil then called me to see what i said to her to make her so upset. i told him exactly what i told her, and he began shouting at me that you never look a gift horse in the mouth and that next year they will send nothing and make sure to tell my husband that it was because of me, and asked how i would like that. i told my husband about the conversation with his parents and he told me i should not have said anything. i told my husband that all i did was tell the truth when someone asked me a question. aita for telling my mil that my husband did not like the gift she sent?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband suffers from a pretty serious medical condition, and because of this, he is on a special diet prescribed by his doctor. certain foods are off limits, especially nuts and seeds as they could exacerbate this condition. the last time he had a flare up he had to have an emergency surgery and was in the hospital for four days, so my husband is very strict about following this diet. every year my mil sends my husband one of those gourmet food boxes with snacks and things like that. and every year she sends him things that he either cannot eat because of his medical condition, or that he simply does not like. he has told her numerous times to stop sending these boxes because they will either go to waste since nobody in the house will eat them or they just sit on the table in the break room at work until someone throws them out. on monday my husband received his box and when he opened it, it was an assortment of mixed nuts and chocolate. he texted mil and fil and thanked them, but reminded them again that he cannot eat nuts, but he would take it to work and share it with everyone. last night my mil texted me and asked how we liked the box so i told her the truth, i said that it was a nice gesture, but husband really did not like it because he cannot eat anything that she sent. apparently this was not the answer that she wanted to hear because she immediately got upset with me. she basically said that i was lying and only said that to make her feel bad. she also said that if my mother was the one who sent this gift everyone would love it. i told her again that husband has a serious medical condition and that the nuts were number one on the list of foods that he cannot eat according to his doctor. fil then called me to see what i said to her to make her so upset. i told him exactly what i told her, and he began shouting at me that you never look a gift horse in the mouth and that next year they will send nothing and make sure to tell my husband that it was because of me, and asked how i would like that. i told my husband about the conversation with his parents and he told me i should not have said anything. i told my husband that all i did was tell the truth when someone asked me a question. aita for telling my mil that my husband did not like the gift she sent? [/INST] info: >he texted mil and fil and thanked them, but reminded them again that he cannot eat nuts, but he would take it to work and share it with everyone. so...why exactly are they confused enough about how he felt about the gift to be asking you, let alone accusing you of lying? and more importantly, why is he upset that you basically restated what he already said, but with slightly more emphasis on the "we can't use this" part? </s>
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AITA for accidently calling a waitress a ''whore''?
|
so when i went on a trip to the united states last year, i visited a pizza restaurant in miami, florida.
at a certain moment, the waitress came to our table and asked if everything was alright.
now, in my country, i would have answered this question with ''*ja, hoor*'' in dutch, which basically means ''*yes, it is*'' in english.
but when she asked me this question, i mixed up my native language with english and answered: ''*yeah, hoor*''
now, i know it sounded dumb when i said it, but i was really suprised when she got really angry at me. ''apparently i had said something really wrong?'' i thought
well it turned out that ''*yeah, hoor*'' sounds exactly the same as ''*yeah, whore*'', which i had not thought about so fast.... she got really mad and when i tried to explain she didn't want to believe me... maybe because me speaking english is totally not understandable
well, i never felt so stupid and this moment is still painful lol... aita?
| 2,632
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mbq2jc/aita_for_accidently_calling_a_waitress_a_whore/
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2021-03-23 22:03:21
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nah. she's got a right to be mad, and language can be a nuisance that way.
it's totally understandable, but so is her reaction.
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this is more of a tifu than an aita. you should post there. they'd love it
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wrong sub. this should be in /r/tifu or something. you obviously aren’t an asshole for saying something that is misheard as an insult.
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accidental translation doesn’t make you an asshole. fuck up sure but there being no intent to insult makes you not one.
nah
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haha nah
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nah
now that's a funny story to tell and remember!
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nta....i'd think this is a funny story from either side if it were me 😂
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nah. this belongs on tifu.
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haha one of my wife’s friends’ mother had this exact same thing happen. she, uh, repaired the situation by saying, “oh, not *that* hoor!”
nah, honest mistakes do not make you an asshole. and even if it did, years down the line when you can’t sleep thinking about all the embarrassing stuff you did, this will be right there. that’s punishment enough.
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this is the kind of situation that will haunt you 5 years from now when you're taking a shower and it suddenly pops into your head.
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null | 0.032136
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so when i went on a trip to the united states last year, i visited a pizza restaurant in miami, florida. at a certain moment, the waitress came to our table and asked if everything was alright. now, in my country, i would have answered this question with ''*ja, hoor*'' in dutch, which basically means ''*yes, it is*'' in english. but when she asked me this question, i mixed up my native language with english and answered: ''*yeah, hoor*'' now, i know it sounded dumb when i said it, but i was really suprised when she got really angry at me. ''apparently i had said something really wrong?'' i thought well it turned out that ''*yeah, hoor*'' sounds exactly the same as ''*yeah, whore*'', which i had not thought about so fast.... she got really mad and when i tried to explain she didn't want to believe me... maybe because me speaking english is totally not understandable well, i never felt so stupid and this moment is still painful lol... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so when i went on a trip to the united states last year, i visited a pizza restaurant in miami, florida. at a certain moment, the waitress came to our table and asked if everything was alright. now, in my country, i would have answered this question with ''*ja, hoor*'' in dutch, which basically means ''*yes, it is*'' in english. but when she asked me this question, i mixed up my native language with english and answered: ''*yeah, hoor*'' now, i know it sounded dumb when i said it, but i was really suprised when she got really angry at me. ''apparently i had said something really wrong?'' i thought well it turned out that ''*yeah, hoor*'' sounds exactly the same as ''*yeah, whore*'', which i had not thought about so fast.... she got really mad and when i tried to explain she didn't want to believe me... maybe because me speaking english is totally not understandable well, i never felt so stupid and this moment is still painful lol... aita? [/INST] nah. she's got a right to be mad, and language can be a nuisance that way. it's totally understandable, but so is her reaction. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?
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i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins.
when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more).
i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house.
i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too.
recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest.
we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job.
i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita?
| 7,492
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7wmgf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_should_stop/
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2022-01-19 18:20:30
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yta. jesus christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"?
it sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. if you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too.
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yta it's amazing- it's like your wife wants to treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/nanny/housekeeper.
your wife is telling explicitly what she needs- she needs you to show her that she's appreciated. you are told- in a variety of ways at your job- that you are appreciated, i have no doubt.
your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable.
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yta: correction her hours are not 5am-9pm her hours are 24/7. you don’t get a break from being a mom and you seem not to realize how exhausting it actually is.
as a sahm myself, let me tell you something, a lack of appreciation= a lack of intimacy. i pack my sos lunch, i get a thank you, he sees me doing laundry or dishes he says thank you. is it every single time? no, but it’s enough that i know hey he actually does appreciate what i do for him.
and guess what? when i feel appreciated and cared for it makes me want to do more for him…
why can’t you run her a hot bubble bath? why can’t you get her a snack or flowers? why can’t you do the dishes or cook every once in a while? she keeps that house spotless so when you come home you can relax and not lift a finger. when does she get a break? does she ever get to sleep in? does she get even an hour alone a day?
thank you for the awards, just for saying what should be common sense.
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yikes. you’re gonna get ripped apart on this sub for this. and i’m gonna contribute to that.
first of all, why is it such a bad thing to appreciate your fucking wife? she’s not asking for you to do *anything* that would take more than 10 extra minutes for you. why are you married to someone that you’re so against going out of your way for?
moving on, it seems like you’re looking at this exceptionally defensively. she’s not telling you that you’re a terrible husband and father for not appreciating her. she’s asking for you to do something small for her *once in a while*. the only reason this is a problem is because you think that you shouldn’t have to go the extra mile for her. i’d ask again, *why would you marry someone who you would not go the extra mile for?*
yta.
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yta. dude, c’mon. being a sahm is a 24/7 job. she’s on the clock *constantly*, whereas it sounds like you come home, spend a little time with the kids, put them to bed *with her help*, and then get to relax.
when does she get to relax? has she gotten any time off since the twins were born? have you offered to take care of your own kids for the weekend so she can have some time to herself? i’m guessing no. and that’s not even what she’s asking for. she’s asking for a small token from you so that she can feel appreciated, not a diamond necklace or a new car. she literally asked for a chocolate bar. *a chocolate bar*. why do you care so little for your wife that this is asking too much?
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yta. please listen because this is very important. your wife needs more than you're giving. instead of being defensive about it, please listen to her. she wants to know that you love her, think about her, care about her. you say you can't remember to pick her up a bar of chocolate or give her a small gesture of appreciation? no, you can remember - i'm sure you have a great memory! you just haven't made the effort to put a reminder in your phone. think about it - twice a week put a reminder in and get her chocolate, flowers, a card with a personal message you've written - you need to put in that effort!
as for childcare, anyone looking after twins and keeping a house spotless will get burned out. it's great that you help after your work day is over but when does she get a day off? or even an afternoon? how many times has she gone out with her friends since the twins were born? how many dates have you taken her on?
she's a human, not a machine, and you need to make sure that she's getting time off, opportunities to sleep in, time with her friends, and most of all - to know that you love and appreciate her. she is the mother of your children! she's your wife! this is not some "job", it's the most important role a human can take, and her happiness impacts how well she can raise your children.
please set your ego aside and step into her shoes for a minute. maybe even send her on a weekend away and take on everything she does before acting like it's at all equivalent to a job.
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you get praise and appreciation at work. you always get more than money. your wife doesn’t. she’s telling you what she needs, doesn’t sound like it would cost you much effort to make her feel appreciated. why won’t you put that effort in? yta
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[deleted]
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yta. your wife is working a demanding, isolating job that she doesn't seem to get a break from. she is telling you that she's burning out and wants to feel appreciated. you are telling her "well i don't get thanked!" but *you get paid.*
no, you don't *need* to thank her for doing her job. but why is it so hard to just... give her this?
treat your wife. it's not going to kill you.
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info: what do your weekends look like? if you have weekends off work, are you helping with the kids and chores or is she still doing all of the housework? does she get time to herself or to see friends at all during the week?
you’re both working, but your work (i’m assuming) entails going out of the house and socializing with adults, hers doesn’t. you both need breaks and it’s your job as her partner to make sure she’s getting them. the extra stuff to show you appreciate that she does have a hard and isolating job is all very important too.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins. when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more). i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house. i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too. recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest. we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job. i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins. when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more). i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house. i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too. recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest. we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job. i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita? [/INST] yta. jesus christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"? it sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. if you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too. </s>
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AITA for wanting my extremely morning-sick wife to clean the toilet after vomiting
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my wife is 12 weeks pregnant and is having a really rough time with morning sickness. she'll typically throw up about 7-10 times a day despite being on the same medication they give chemo patients. to give some context; this pregnancy is her second - the first pregnancy was slightly better in terms of sickness (only 4-7 spews a day!) but it lasted pretty much the full 9 months.
she is an actual trooper and i'll forever be thankful for what she goes through to bring our beautiful children in to this world. i've made a point of taking up extra slack, doing more chores around the house, more cooking and taking on additional childcare duties to give her a much needed break.
unfortunately for me, she has a terrible vomiting technique. when she has the need, she'll stand over the toilet, bend over ever so slightly and hit the eject button. the angle she bends down at can conveniently be demonstrated by a rough ascii diagram:
´ཀ`
/
/ |
| __|
| | |
| |__|
with most of the spews being projectile, needless to say, we end up with an extremely messy toilet area. there is vomit everywhere. on the seat. under the seat. on the floor around the toilet. the toilet she uses most of the time during the day is located in a small room, about 1.5 meters wide with the toilet in the center. as i type this, both walls on either side are showered in remnants of one particularly violent session. i do not understand the physics of this; all i know is that i am disgusted.
i asked her to clean up after herself but she is resistant. she has always been quite lazy when it comes to cleaning up and is an untidy person; generally happy to live in what i deem to be pretty dirty conditions. from my perspective, this is next level filth and is unacceptable despite her current condition, particularly because it could be resolved with an improved technique.
she says that she doesn't want to get closer to the toilet because it's gross, made more unpleasant because she has to do it so frequently throughout the day. her position is that cleaning the toilet for her is the least i could do considering she is likely going to have to do this for the next 6 months.
reddit, you will determine who cleans our toilets post-spews for the next 6 months. the stakes are high. do not hesitate. every seconds counts.
| 4,481
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyomf7/aita_for_wanting_my_extremely_morningsick_wife_to/
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2019-09-02 12:56:04
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esh ... why don't you get her a bucket to vomit into so then it's just the bucket that has to be cleaned and she can stick her face completely into it.
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yta. extreme morning sickness, in this case vomiting *7-10 times a day* in spite of medication, is seriously debilitating. she probably doesn't have the ability to improve her vomiting "technique," let alone clean up after herself. your wife is sick, and you need to step up and look after her.
just a heads-up, at the end of all this, a baby is going to show up, and they're going to be even more disgusting than this.
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esh.
as someone who suffered from both insane morning sickness and migraines that could only be cured by vomiting. i can completely understand the need for a clean toilet.
but honestly. if you keep the toilet clean. and i mean really clean, she should be willing to get close to it to throw up. the thought of wall vomit makes me want to throw up.
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i came into this expecting to y t a, but i feel it's an nta, for a couple of reasons:
* her bad vomitechnique is causing the issue
* she's already the slob in the relationship
* she causes the mess because she thinks the toilet is gross, ironically making her own issue worse
she is correct in that you probably should help her clean up as she's carrying your child, which is quite an imposition, but she should do her best not to create a larger mess than needed. making a huge splash and then expecting you to deal with the consequences, when she could make things a lot easier on you if she wanted, is asshole territory.
also nice ascii art!
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go on amazon. they have disposable vomit bags with self closing tops. problem solved. i normally wouldn’t advocate for disposable items, but in this case, i think it would be extremely helpful.
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nah. i'm going with neither of you being the asshole bc i wouldn't wanna clean up someone else's vomit but i also sympathise with her position. morning sickness heightens your senses so getting close to the loo/vomit/whole nasty situation could well be enough to make her vom again.
why can't she vom in a bowl/bucket, flush the spew and then spray the bucket down in the shower or something after? then she can stick her face in the bowl without the toilet-ickies bothering her, the mess is contained, and clean up is relatively mess-free for either of you to handle.
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nta
uggghhhhh i was not expecting that. disgusting.
her argument makes no sense. if the toilet is too nasty to get close to, clean it. she knows she's gonna be at this all day so she should keep it clean enough to her standards that she can get closer and doesn't have to hose down the toilet with her vomit. reminds me of those woman who hover on public toilets and get piss everywhere then walk off without cleaning.
it's nasty because she threw up on it. she threw up on it because it's nasty.
what would she do if she was single? she does not get a pass on cleaning up her own filth because she's pregnant and feeling bad. throw up into a bag if she's so bad she can't clean up after herself. keep a bunch next to the toilet.
this is coming from a woman who was once in the same position, except i was waitressing the entire pregnancy, too. you think if i did that at work i'd still have a job?!
what you may want to look into is whether this is actual laziness or if she's starting to manifest mental illness. pregnancy throws your entire body out of whack and many mental illnesses that can be ignored or worked through before you're pregnant can suddenly overwhelm you. every pregnancy affects you differently so even if she was fine last pregnancy, this one could have triggered something. one common symptom of mental illness is lack of hygiene of your person and your living space.
even still, you're nta and should expect a minimum of cleanliness from your partner who is being a total asshole and using her pregnancy crutch to avoid cleaning after herself. everyone can agree that paint-spraying a toilet with vomit is disgusting. even she does which is why she's trying to get you to do it.
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nta. i threw up between 7-10 a day. had a catheter inserted in my stomach for the entire pregnancy as i was losing instead of gaining weight. i know every pregnancy is different and mine isnt the worse but you said something extremely important, she has always being lazy and doesnt mind living in a mess. i get how sick she feels, but if she gets a chair (so she doesnt have to bend over) sits down, she'll be closer to the toilet thus not making a bigger mess. have wipes handy so she can at least clean a little.
|
&#x200b;
´ཀ`
/ | |__|
/ |/
| _______________<_____>
/ | | |
/ | | |
there, now she has a bucket. clean and portable! see, now she even gets to vom in bed. chuck buckets: the luxury vom.
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nta. i just gave birth recently and was also extremely nauseous and vomit lots in this pregnancy. hubby took care of our toddler and do home chores while i'm pregnant so i can sleep and rest more and honestly, can't think of asking him to clean up my vomit since i'm grossed out to do it and it's mine. he does enough around the house as is with taking care of first kid, cook, and clean kitchen/living and dining rooms and i think if you do as well, there should be no expectation for you to clean her vomit.
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.743101
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife is 12 weeks pregnant and is having a really rough time with morning sickness. she'll typically throw up about 7-10 times a day despite being on the same medication they give chemo patients. to give some context; this pregnancy is her second - the first pregnancy was slightly better in terms of sickness (only 4-7 spews a day!) but it lasted pretty much the full 9 months. she is an actual trooper and i'll forever be thankful for what she goes through to bring our beautiful children in to this world. i've made a point of taking up extra slack, doing more chores around the house, more cooking and taking on additional childcare duties to give her a much needed break. unfortunately for me, she has a terrible vomiting technique. when she has the need, she'll stand over the toilet, bend over ever so slightly and hit the eject button. the angle she bends down at can conveniently be demonstrated by a rough ascii diagram: ´ཀ` / / | | __| | | | | |__| with most of the spews being projectile, needless to say, we end up with an extremely messy toilet area. there is vomit everywhere. on the seat. under the seat. on the floor around the toilet. the toilet she uses most of the time during the day is located in a small room, about 1.5 meters wide with the toilet in the center. as i type this, both walls on either side are showered in remnants of one particularly violent session. i do not understand the physics of this; all i know is that i am disgusted. i asked her to clean up after herself but she is resistant. she has always been quite lazy when it comes to cleaning up and is an untidy person; generally happy to live in what i deem to be pretty dirty conditions. from my perspective, this is next level filth and is unacceptable despite her current condition, particularly because it could be resolved with an improved technique. she says that she doesn't want to get closer to the toilet because it's gross, made more unpleasant because she has to do it so frequently throughout the day. her position is that cleaning the toilet for her is the least i could do considering she is likely going to have to do this for the next 6 months. reddit, you will determine who cleans our toilets post-spews for the next 6 months. the stakes are high. do not hesitate. every seconds counts.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife is 12 weeks pregnant and is having a really rough time with morning sickness. she'll typically throw up about 7-10 times a day despite being on the same medication they give chemo patients. to give some context; this pregnancy is her second - the first pregnancy was slightly better in terms of sickness (only 4-7 spews a day!) but it lasted pretty much the full 9 months. she is an actual trooper and i'll forever be thankful for what she goes through to bring our beautiful children in to this world. i've made a point of taking up extra slack, doing more chores around the house, more cooking and taking on additional childcare duties to give her a much needed break. unfortunately for me, she has a terrible vomiting technique. when she has the need, she'll stand over the toilet, bend over ever so slightly and hit the eject button. the angle she bends down at can conveniently be demonstrated by a rough ascii diagram: ´ཀ` / / | | __| | | | | |__| with most of the spews being projectile, needless to say, we end up with an extremely messy toilet area. there is vomit everywhere. on the seat. under the seat. on the floor around the toilet. the toilet she uses most of the time during the day is located in a small room, about 1.5 meters wide with the toilet in the center. as i type this, both walls on either side are showered in remnants of one particularly violent session. i do not understand the physics of this; all i know is that i am disgusted. i asked her to clean up after herself but she is resistant. she has always been quite lazy when it comes to cleaning up and is an untidy person; generally happy to live in what i deem to be pretty dirty conditions. from my perspective, this is next level filth and is unacceptable despite her current condition, particularly because it could be resolved with an improved technique. she says that she doesn't want to get closer to the toilet because it's gross, made more unpleasant because she has to do it so frequently throughout the day. her position is that cleaning the toilet for her is the least i could do considering she is likely going to have to do this for the next 6 months. reddit, you will determine who cleans our toilets post-spews for the next 6 months. the stakes are high. do not hesitate. every seconds counts. [/INST] esh ... why don't you get her a bucket to vomit into so then it's just the bucket that has to be cleaned and she can stick her face completely into it. </s>
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AITA for changing my wife’s clothing sizes without telling her?
|
my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that.
she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. )
i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts.
i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did.
i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days.
aita?
| 12,910
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c28bm0/aita_for_changing_my_wifes_clothing_sizes_without/
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2019-06-18 21:42:48
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yta but i feel for you. the correct course of action imo would have just been to tell her directly she's no longer those sizes and not make a fool out of her. there might have been a good chance of meltdown but it would at least have been productive. sorry dude good luck.
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yta.
i don't think that you're actually an asshole - just in this particular situation.
can you imagine what her sister/mom/friend/co-worker/neighbor thought when she proudly told them that she's lost some weight and fits into her size 6's again? they either thought she was nuts, stupid, delusional, or something else - we aren't talking about the difference between a 6/7/8 - but you said she is more like a 10/12 - i am a 10/12, and if i ever told someone i was a size 6 they would think i was a big fat liar...a size 10/12 liar.
you made her feel stupid. you made her feel ashamed. you made her think about any moment she mentioned losing weight to anyone. she feels embarrassed.
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esh - your wife should’ve accepted the fact she had put on weight and if unhappy then the appropriate action would be to do something about it. you, even well intentioned, shouldn’t have changed the tag on one item of clothing let alone more. this had probably affected her body image even more so.
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you obviously don't mean to be the asshole, but yta anyway.
that is such the wrong way to handle this.
because you did lie to her and treat her like an idiot. i feel bad for you though, you just made a really dumb mistake, and she ought be talking to you by now.
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nah - she’s very self conscious and in denial like you said, so finding out she was actually wearing bigger sizes it probably really hurt for her. all of a sudden what she was refusing to believe came true for her, she really is around a size 10. however, i do believe you were trying to help with the best of intentions. you tried to make your wife feel confident and comfortable when she was refusing to accept she had gained weight
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yta. you had good intentions but you straight up lied to her to keep her happy instead of being more mature and having a conversation with her.
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nah.
though your heart was in the right place, you gave your wife a temporary high at the expensive of making her feel like crap later. apologize.
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nta at all. what you were doing was out of pure love and good intentions. i think she might be more embarrassed than mad maybe? i think once she realizes that you were really just trying to boost her confidence and it was all out of a place of good intentions that she won’t be as mad. i personally think what you did was so so sweet and was a very wholesome and kind thing to do.
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esh, you did treat her like a child but i assume a very blunt "im bringing you size 12 instead" wouldn't have gone down very well. id say you need to stop enabling her and she needs a reality check because weight doesn't just "go away"
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yta but your heart was in the right place
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.264545
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that. she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. ) i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts. i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did. i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that. she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. ) i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts. i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did. i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days. aita? [/INST] yta but i feel for you. the correct course of action imo would have just been to tell her directly she's no longer those sizes and not make a fool out of her. there might have been a good chance of meltdown but it would at least have been productive. sorry dude good luck. </s>
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AITA for taking the car keys because my son won't tell me his employer's name?
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i'm 52f. my 18-year-old son has been offered some sort of work-at-home job from some game company, but he refuses to tell me what company. i have told him that it's pretty normal for two people living in the same house to know each other's employers, and he expressed skepticism.
i believe it would be wise for me to know the name of this company, if only to verify that it's not a scam. he insists that this is a reasonable boundary and that i will never know the name. i find this pretty obnoxious -- he lives in my house and drives my car, and he won't tell me his employer's name?
i took him out to dinner to celebrate the mysterious job, but i also told him that i wasn't going to let him keep using my car until he at least tells me the name, and i kept the car keys.
last night, he came into my bedroom to ask for the keys. i reminded him that i wanted the company name, and he said it was "spongy tips." i trusted him and gave him the keys. this morning, i learned that there is no such company. when i asked my son, he said that "spongy tips" was an anagram for "stop spying." i took my keys back at that time.
he has a history of odd secrecy. for instance, he wanted me never to meet or interact with anyone from his old boy scout troop. he also refuses any mental health assistance.
aita here? this seems like a completely absurd boundary. it's rude and downright disrespectful, not in the child-to-parent sense but the basic person-to-person sense.
he seems to believe he's standing up for his right to privacy. i believe i'm standing up for my right to be treated like a human being, not a wallet. aita?
&#x200b;
| 885
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nt373u/aita_for_taking_the_car_keys_because_my_son_wont/
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2021-06-05 19:20:39
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info is there a reason why your son is so reluctant to share any information with you?
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[deleted]
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i saw in a comment he is not paying for anything.
if he wants to be treated as an adult, with the accompanying privileges, fine. he needs to support himself. pay rent. pay for the privilege of using your car by sharing the costs of operating it. paying his share of utilities, although that could be adjusted to be part of paying rent.
nta
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info: are you sure he has an actual job? sounds like he just wants to play video games and sponge off mom.
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you’re nta for wanting to know where he works, because someone can be a legal adult and still need a lot of guidance and parenting. i would start charging him rent though. he’s old enough to contribute to the house and he is using your car .
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info: do you think he's actually at risk or working for someone shady? or are you just exasperated, because he doesn't open up to you as much as you think he should?
i mean, yes, it's your car and your house, and i get you want to know what's going on. but it also sounds as if he's super-private and wants to feel as though you respect him.
now you're both in this weird power struggle. counseling might help, if he'll go with you.
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i would love to hear the kid's side on this ...
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nta though i'm not sure withholding the keys to the car is the right response, but it is very concerning how extremely and apparently previously violently private he is. 18 is the age at which conditions like schizophrenia and schizoaffecive disorder most commonly start to present and the whole disguises and fake names to go to the store thing is a pretty strong indicator for paranoid psychosis as a few people have mentioned. it may be that for his best interests you will need to force him to go inpatient.
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i can't say one way or the other. he has serious control issues. he also has a bad relationship with you. he doesn't want you involved in things that matter to him. be honest with yourself and consider if you may have embarrassed him in front of his friends? have you been over protective, interfering with issues? he wants to run his life.
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if it’s an online job then using the car is a luxury and not a necessity. he can’t have it both ways. normally i’m not on the side of nosy parents who don’t respect boundaries, but this sounds like an ongoing and extensive issue and he still relies on you financially and otherwise.
i do think it’s weird that you’re so fixated on it, but if you feel it’s a matter of bare minimum respect if he still wants to live there and use your vehicle, then that’s the deal. you’re his parent.
nta
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.090895
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 52f. my 18-year-old son has been offered some sort of work-at-home job from some game company, but he refuses to tell me what company. i have told him that it's pretty normal for two people living in the same house to know each other's employers, and he expressed skepticism. i believe it would be wise for me to know the name of this company, if only to verify that it's not a scam. he insists that this is a reasonable boundary and that i will never know the name. i find this pretty obnoxious -- he lives in my house and drives my car, and he won't tell me his employer's name? i took him out to dinner to celebrate the mysterious job, but i also told him that i wasn't going to let him keep using my car until he at least tells me the name, and i kept the car keys. last night, he came into my bedroom to ask for the keys. i reminded him that i wanted the company name, and he said it was "spongy tips." i trusted him and gave him the keys. this morning, i learned that there is no such company. when i asked my son, he said that "spongy tips" was an anagram for "stop spying." i took my keys back at that time. he has a history of odd secrecy. for instance, he wanted me never to meet or interact with anyone from his old boy scout troop. he also refuses any mental health assistance. aita here? this seems like a completely absurd boundary. it's rude and downright disrespectful, not in the child-to-parent sense but the basic person-to-person sense. he seems to believe he's standing up for his right to privacy. i believe i'm standing up for my right to be treated like a human being, not a wallet. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 52f. my 18-year-old son has been offered some sort of work-at-home job from some game company, but he refuses to tell me what company. i have told him that it's pretty normal for two people living in the same house to know each other's employers, and he expressed skepticism. i believe it would be wise for me to know the name of this company, if only to verify that it's not a scam. he insists that this is a reasonable boundary and that i will never know the name. i find this pretty obnoxious -- he lives in my house and drives my car, and he won't tell me his employer's name? i took him out to dinner to celebrate the mysterious job, but i also told him that i wasn't going to let him keep using my car until he at least tells me the name, and i kept the car keys. last night, he came into my bedroom to ask for the keys. i reminded him that i wanted the company name, and he said it was "spongy tips." i trusted him and gave him the keys. this morning, i learned that there is no such company. when i asked my son, he said that "spongy tips" was an anagram for "stop spying." i took my keys back at that time. he has a history of odd secrecy. for instance, he wanted me never to meet or interact with anyone from his old boy scout troop. he also refuses any mental health assistance. aita here? this seems like a completely absurd boundary. it's rude and downright disrespectful, not in the child-to-parent sense but the basic person-to-person sense. he seems to believe he's standing up for his right to privacy. i believe i'm standing up for my right to be treated like a human being, not a wallet. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] info is there a reason why your son is so reluctant to share any information with you? </s>
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AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?
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i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides.
a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down.
yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party.
before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y".
my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave.
she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless.
aita for throwing her out?
| 29,271
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uj9izs/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_and_her_son_out_of_my/
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2022-05-05 22:53:34
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nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that.
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nta to the tenth power.
i would love to know how your sister thinks a "normal person" is supposed to react when their beloved spouse dies. especially during their child's birthday, when the spouse has only been dead since last year, following a long illness.
trust me. you're reacting quite normally. your sister, on the other hand, is displaying incredible ingratitude and callousness. i'm not a therapist, but this sounds like malignant narcissism. if that's normal, then you need to kick the normalcy out of your life. i wouldn't speak to her again for any reason.
and the real kicker is, that even when she's facing homelessness, she still refuses to even question her own actions. she's not apologizing. she's appealing to your sense of pity.
after the way she insulted you, i would not even consider allowing her to stay.
if cps is looking for relatives to take your nephew, and there's no one else, you might consider letting him stay since he apologized. but any visits with his mother should be done with an intermediary and off your property. although given the fact that he steals from your child, that might not be advisable.
glad to know you're calling his dad and letting him deal with him. hope you and his dad are on good terms, at least.
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nta, what the hell is she talking about? does she have no sympathy? "we both lost our spouses" ma'am you chose to lose yours. and now it sounds like she's choosing to lose her relationship with you too. she has no right to treat you and your children that way.
anyway, i'm so, so sorry for your loss, and a belated happy birthday to your son. sending lots of love
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nta you're kids are grieving, you're grieving, none of you need an inconsiderate and selfish relative in your home telling you how to handle your grief. especially in front of your kids.
you tried to be civil and have the necessary conversation later on, but she insisted and insulted you/your late wife with her comments.
and if anyone calls you an asshole for kicking them out tell them to take her in/how would they feel if she said that about their dead relative.
sorry for you loss, may your wife's memory be a blessing to all who loved her.
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nta, a boundary was not just crossed, it was nuked. i wouldn't want to talk to that person again, ever.
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you both lost your spouses?? in front of your in laws???? almost hard to believe this is real since that is so far over the line. sadly i do believe you.
nta. you would be if you kept your sister around your kids while everyone is grieving.
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nta. you didn't both *lose* your spouses. hers still exists, walking around alive. absolutely not at all the same thing. her pussy comment and whatnot, nope. she should've been way less shitty if she was concerned about being homeless with her child. instead, she was rude and inconsiderate and judgmental and heartless. you and your kids do not need this extra stress and heartbreak right now. kick her out and focus on healing and moving forward with your family.
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nta. she’s rude, belligerent, & so is her kid. getting divorced is not the same. no matter what she thinks & grieving is normal. she’s the ah. if she hasn’t been paying rent, then she’s a guest & you don’t have to follow tenant protocol
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nta i'd say two days is three days too long.
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nta at all. i see where your nephew gets his bullying attitude from. i'm very sorry for your loss.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out? [/INST] nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that. </s>
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AITA for not treating my wife like an equal parent by telling her she has no say in the way I bond with my son and also calling her homophobic?
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when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to.
for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons)
when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven.
i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything.
my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv.
my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable.
my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”.
we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not"
my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves.
am i in the wrong?
| 30,679
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vw15fn/aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an_equal/
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2022-07-10 21:07:21
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nta. she is being homophobic
the world needs more dads like you
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nta- your wife is sexualizing a gesture that is from parental love. i would be offended and tell her that she is being disgusting.
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man, i love the first three paragraphs of this post. your parents really did right by you, and in turn, you ultimately did right by your boys.
current wife's a problem though. first, she's *not* an equal parent when it comes to your boys. they're yours, not hers, and were already teenagers by the time she showed up. she doesn't really get a say in how you bond with them, at all.
second, she is indeed a homophobe. there's nothing wrong with a father kissing and hugging his son, of course, but that she needs to make it about one of your boys' orientation is just revolting.
nta, a million times over.
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nta. your wife is though, and definitely has some issues if this upsets her. does she react the same when you cuddle or kiss your daughter?
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holy cow you married the wrong woman.
nta. people like your wife....sigh...smh. it's like she thinks your son being gay is going to turn you into an incestuous gay man? wtf?
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nta.
your wife has some deep, deep issues if she sees anything sexual in a very healthy and honestly beautiful father-son relationship. especially since she doesn't mind the same kind of relationship with a straight son.
i had to delete several lines i was about to write about your wife's thought process, because it's just so disgusting. please, sit her down and have a very serious talk about this.
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nta!!!!
your wife is sexualizing this due to her own issues, she shouldn't interfere with how you bond with your sons.
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nta. she thinks it’s inappropriate for a father to kiss his *son* if the son is gay?? by that standard, no parents should kiss their opposite sex children of the children are straight. this is so unbelievably dumb.
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nta. your wife is sick. she thinks your gay son might have the gays for you and gay you up. sick, sick, sick, sick sick.
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nta. at all. you have a lovely relationship with your sons and its your wife who is wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. she is being homophobic the world needs more dads like you </s>
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AITA? My husband won’t let me sleep.
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ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?
| 27,468
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjc6zy/aita_my_husband_wont_let_me_sleep/
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2020-07-01 15:16:46
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nta
he's upset at a problem he is creating.
he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs.
the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive.
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nta. he's putting your health and job at risk. separate bedrooms are great for lots of couples!
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nta, he doesn't need to be in the bedroom for his call!! and him acting like you hurt his feelings is childish and manipulative.
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you are definitely nta. sleep deprivation has very real consequences for your health and functioning. why is he prioritizing his friend’s sleep needs over yours? the fact that you’ve communicated this to him already without him empathizing and adjusting his behavior is concerning.
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so he's taking long, loud calls next to you and disrupting your sleep; he won't go in another room to take the calls; and he's mad that you decided to sleep elsewhere? make it clear to him: if he wants you sleeping next to him, he either stops taking the calls (doesn't his friend have someone else they can call? can't they play loud radio or something?) or he takes them in another room. otherwise, you'll be sleeping elsewhere.
nta
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nta. he is prioritizating his friends life over yours. maybe he can sleep with his friend.
just move into the other bedroom. then make your husband find a couples counselor for both of you
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> now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night.
you weren't **sleeping** next to him, that's the whole problem. definitely nta. he clearly understands the importance of people not falling asleep on the job, so why doesn't he offer you the same courtesy?
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omg nta i couldn't imagine dealing with this on the regular. your husband is a selfish ah and being completely ridiculous - seriously who thinks taking phone calls in the middle of the night whilst next to someone is ok??
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honestly, do people ask these kind of questions sincerely?
i don't mean this in any way offensive but do you really need people to tell you that you are not an asshole because you go and sleep in another room because your husband is waking up at stupid o'clock and having a full blown convo on the phone?
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info: what reason does he give for refusing to take the call to another room?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita? [/INST] nta he's upset at a problem he is creating. he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs. the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive. </s>
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WIBTA if I left my partner for adopting his niblings?
|
throwaway because i feel like shit and don't want to have this tied to my main account.
a bit of a background: i \[24f\] have been with my partner \[30m\] for close to three years now. we've discussed kids before and came to the conclusion that we really don't want to have them now but accept that our minds may change over time. he has two younger sisters. the older one had two kids \[11f\] and \[5m\]. none of the dads are in the picture. this sister died two months ago after a car hit her when she was riding her bike from work. we never really got along but i was obviously shocked.
shortly after his sister died, my partner started the process to adopt his niblings. i told him that i'm not feeling up for that but he insisted that it's his duty. he loves them to bits, while i'm honestly kinda indifferent about them (sounds bad but i mean, they're just kids, it's hard for me to have a meaningful relationship with them). also, they're really bad behaved, his sister didn't discipline them at all.
since the kids moved in, our lives have changed for the worse. the girl talks back constantly and throws fits for no reason. i also found some money missing from my wallet. last week i came back home to my clothes crumpled in the wardrobe and dirty. she also went through my makeup and i found it all dirty and spilled, my eyeshadow palette was crushed and some stuff were missing. when i confronted her, she kept screaming at me and i blew up and shouted that she's not wanted here so she should act accordingly. my partner was obviously mad at me when she told him.
the boy is alright, i guess. he'd been rather silent but recently he started mimicking his sister's antics. he sometimes wants to sleep in the bed with us but then he wets the bed. also, i feel really weird about sharing the bed with a child so i've started moving to the couch when he wants to sleep with us. my partner thinks i'm overreacting.
there's been some good moments but they are rare and far between.
i tried suggesting to my partner that those kids could live with his mum. she more space for them, and she's also this no bullshit oldschool lady and definitely more capable of disciplining them. she lives in his country of origin in a "poor" rural region though and my partner doesn't want to uproot them.
yesterday, when i was driving back from my part-time job i've realized that the thought of coming back home fills me with dread. i asked a friend to let me stay with her, drank a whole bottle of wine with her and slept on her couch where i am currently, skipping my classes and ignoring my partner's calls.
i'm 70/30 decided on leaving but i feel like an asshole for leaving him because of this kind and selfless gesture. and i still love him even though he's been a total jerk towards me these last two months.
&#x200b;
| 2,107
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bla1qv/wibta_if_i_left_my_partner_for_adopting_his/
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2019-05-06 09:43:11
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nah for your question.
but you are absolutely the asshole for your behavior in this.
screaming at a grieving child that they aren't wanted isn't a "mistake"; it's a monstrous act of cruelty and the very thought of you having children, one day, and treating them in a similar fashion fills me with dread on their behalf.
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you would be nta if you left, you’d actually be ta if you stayed, as your negativity and lack of empathy is not doing you, your partner or the kids any good.
i get it to some level, an instant family would be really hard, especially when you didn’t want kids. (i don’t either.)
however those children are in an immense world of suffering and confusion right now, of course they are acting up, or need comfort (like sleeping in the bed). having their new caregiver scream at them that they aren’t wanted is awful. your partner isn’t wrong to support the kids over you in response to comments like that either. they need so much compassion and patience right now. if you can’t give it, you have to walk away.
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yta for sure because of the way you treated a traumatized child.
please leave, you're allowed to have boundaries and that doesn't make you an asshole. i get being upset, but you are an adult and way the fuck out of line with your reactions to these children. they lost their only parent, come the fuck on. have the smallest amount of empathy.
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[removed]
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yta. you're 24 and still in school. he is 30 and fully into adulthood, including doing what he feels is his duty.
it is never ok to scream at a kid that they are unwelcome and should act accordingly.
you need to find a new place to live. it's that simple.
those kids are going to come first to him and that makes perfect sense even if you dont agree with it.
sending the kids to a poor area in a different country is unacceptable. they deserve a chance to thrive.
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nta. this isn't the life you signed up for. it is a kind and selfless thing he's doing, but his sister's kids are his family and not necessarily yours (i'm not clear on if you're married). you're not obligated to raise these kids, and if you feel that you can't or don't want to, the best thing you can do is get out of the situation. you told him that you weren't on board and he chose to go ahead with it. he made his choice - you can make your own.
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[removed]
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yta. not for leaving but for saying she is not wanted. thats just cruel
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nah. leaving is the best possible thing you could do for everyone involved.
his life is going down a path you don't want to go on, and in your despair you were unspeakably cruel to a grieving child who was recently orphaned. i get that they were difficult and that can be a pain, but not only were you completely bankrupt of empathy, you viciously went right for the throat of an emotionally vulnerable child.
this is poison for everyone involved.
|
both: yta for not controlling the words coming out of your mouth and understanding that despite whatever discipline issues the kids may have, they just lost their mother in the most tragic of circumstances. it doesn't matter how much they changed your life, that is no excuse for telling a child they aren't wanted in the house they were just brought to live in when they don't want to be there in the first place. do you really think they want to be there?
nta: for wanting to leave. not only that but i think it's your duty. at this point you aren't cut out for this situation and staying will do nothing but cause negativity to you and more importantly to the kids who know you don't want them around. even if that weren't the case, you leaving is perfectly ok in this situation as it isn't something you wanted for your life, he did it with no regard to your feelings, or how it would affect you, and no matter what would have been a tough situation for you to deal with.
|
NAH
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NAH
|
YTA
| 0.683457
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because i feel like shit and don't want to have this tied to my main account. a bit of a background: i \[24f\] have been with my partner \[30m\] for close to three years now. we've discussed kids before and came to the conclusion that we really don't want to have them now but accept that our minds may change over time. he has two younger sisters. the older one had two kids \[11f\] and \[5m\]. none of the dads are in the picture. this sister died two months ago after a car hit her when she was riding her bike from work. we never really got along but i was obviously shocked. shortly after his sister died, my partner started the process to adopt his niblings. i told him that i'm not feeling up for that but he insisted that it's his duty. he loves them to bits, while i'm honestly kinda indifferent about them (sounds bad but i mean, they're just kids, it's hard for me to have a meaningful relationship with them). also, they're really bad behaved, his sister didn't discipline them at all. since the kids moved in, our lives have changed for the worse. the girl talks back constantly and throws fits for no reason. i also found some money missing from my wallet. last week i came back home to my clothes crumpled in the wardrobe and dirty. she also went through my makeup and i found it all dirty and spilled, my eyeshadow palette was crushed and some stuff were missing. when i confronted her, she kept screaming at me and i blew up and shouted that she's not wanted here so she should act accordingly. my partner was obviously mad at me when she told him. the boy is alright, i guess. he'd been rather silent but recently he started mimicking his sister's antics. he sometimes wants to sleep in the bed with us but then he wets the bed. also, i feel really weird about sharing the bed with a child so i've started moving to the couch when he wants to sleep with us. my partner thinks i'm overreacting. there's been some good moments but they are rare and far between. i tried suggesting to my partner that those kids could live with his mum. she more space for them, and she's also this no bullshit oldschool lady and definitely more capable of disciplining them. she lives in his country of origin in a "poor" rural region though and my partner doesn't want to uproot them. yesterday, when i was driving back from my part-time job i've realized that the thought of coming back home fills me with dread. i asked a friend to let me stay with her, drank a whole bottle of wine with her and slept on her couch where i am currently, skipping my classes and ignoring my partner's calls. i'm 70/30 decided on leaving but i feel like an asshole for leaving him because of this kind and selfless gesture. and i still love him even though he's been a total jerk towards me these last two months. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i feel like shit and don't want to have this tied to my main account. a bit of a background: i \[24f\] have been with my partner \[30m\] for close to three years now. we've discussed kids before and came to the conclusion that we really don't want to have them now but accept that our minds may change over time. he has two younger sisters. the older one had two kids \[11f\] and \[5m\]. none of the dads are in the picture. this sister died two months ago after a car hit her when she was riding her bike from work. we never really got along but i was obviously shocked. shortly after his sister died, my partner started the process to adopt his niblings. i told him that i'm not feeling up for that but he insisted that it's his duty. he loves them to bits, while i'm honestly kinda indifferent about them (sounds bad but i mean, they're just kids, it's hard for me to have a meaningful relationship with them). also, they're really bad behaved, his sister didn't discipline them at all. since the kids moved in, our lives have changed for the worse. the girl talks back constantly and throws fits for no reason. i also found some money missing from my wallet. last week i came back home to my clothes crumpled in the wardrobe and dirty. she also went through my makeup and i found it all dirty and spilled, my eyeshadow palette was crushed and some stuff were missing. when i confronted her, she kept screaming at me and i blew up and shouted that she's not wanted here so she should act accordingly. my partner was obviously mad at me when she told him. the boy is alright, i guess. he'd been rather silent but recently he started mimicking his sister's antics. he sometimes wants to sleep in the bed with us but then he wets the bed. also, i feel really weird about sharing the bed with a child so i've started moving to the couch when he wants to sleep with us. my partner thinks i'm overreacting. there's been some good moments but they are rare and far between. i tried suggesting to my partner that those kids could live with his mum. she more space for them, and she's also this no bullshit oldschool lady and definitely more capable of disciplining them. she lives in his country of origin in a "poor" rural region though and my partner doesn't want to uproot them. yesterday, when i was driving back from my part-time job i've realized that the thought of coming back home fills me with dread. i asked a friend to let me stay with her, drank a whole bottle of wine with her and slept on her couch where i am currently, skipping my classes and ignoring my partner's calls. i'm 70/30 decided on leaving but i feel like an asshole for leaving him because of this kind and selfless gesture. and i still love him even though he's been a total jerk towards me these last two months. &#x200b; [/INST] nah for your question. but you are absolutely the asshole for your behavior in this. screaming at a grieving child that they aren't wanted isn't a "mistake"; it's a monstrous act of cruelty and the very thought of you having children, one day, and treating them in a similar fashion fills me with dread on their behalf. </s>
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AITA for refusing to reschedule our son’s birthday party even though there’s a good chance my husband will miss it?
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it’s my son’s birthday soon. his birthday is on a wednesday and i’ve organised a party for the weekend after. everything has been arranged and the invites sent. now, my husband wants me to reschedule it to the weekend after the original party date as something has come up and he might not be able to fly here in time for the party. i told him no and that he should prioritise our son and come to the party like he was supposed to.
he kept insisting he couldn’t reschedule his other arrangement and told me i need to reschedule the party. i refused to and told him they can do something else when he finally decides to see our kids but i wasn’t going to change the party. now he’s angry at me and keeps sending me angry texts threatening to cancel the party himself.
i want to be upfront and say we’re only married on paper, and if our relationship was still what it once was i would probably try harder to make this work but now i prioritise my son’s feelings hence refusing to reschedule.
aita?
| 1,306
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sclk4a/aita_for_refusing_to_reschedule_our_sons_birthday/
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2022-01-25 19:20:41
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info: what is the "something" that came up? is it work-related or something he just wants to do?
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>when he finally decides to see our kids
this is a very loaded phrase. i don't think this is about the party.
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i'm going with nta but it feels like there's *alot* of backstory missed out here.
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info: what is the reason he can't make it? my guess its a valid reason since you didn't mention it
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info: we need more of it. a lot more.
you say you were only married on paper. ok. then, is this delay due to work or a genuinely unavoidable clash or is it due to the fact that he wants to hang out with his girl on the side or something like that?
how many rsvps have you gotten? could you simply call a few people and change the date or would it be a huge hassle?
there’s a huge backstory here and there is relevant detail that you haven’t provided.
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it is your son's birthday - what does *he* want? the party that was planned, or a smaller, later one, with his dad?
nah - you already planned everything, and his dad is mad that he can't make it. seems like sucky situation for all
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info- did your husband approve of the date before you planned the party? and what is his other commitment?
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nta. birthday parties for kids are notoriously hard to reschedule, i love my husband a lot and wouldn't do it for him lol. and tbh, at a party with friends + games + cakes + presents, most kids would never notice if their parents are there or not. as long as some adult serves cake, they're pretty happy lol.
tell dad that he gets to be the hero to give his kid a second birthday celebration whenever he's back.
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info
what has come up he suddenly can’t come after you already made all the arrangements?
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info very important to know what came up. is it a mandatory work meeting where he'll be fired if he doesn't make it or is it a round of golf?
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
| 0.216852
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it’s my son’s birthday soon. his birthday is on a wednesday and i’ve organised a party for the weekend after. everything has been arranged and the invites sent. now, my husband wants me to reschedule it to the weekend after the original party date as something has come up and he might not be able to fly here in time for the party. i told him no and that he should prioritise our son and come to the party like he was supposed to. he kept insisting he couldn’t reschedule his other arrangement and told me i need to reschedule the party. i refused to and told him they can do something else when he finally decides to see our kids but i wasn’t going to change the party. now he’s angry at me and keeps sending me angry texts threatening to cancel the party himself. i want to be upfront and say we’re only married on paper, and if our relationship was still what it once was i would probably try harder to make this work but now i prioritise my son’s feelings hence refusing to reschedule. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
it’s my son’s birthday soon. his birthday is on a wednesday and i’ve organised a party for the weekend after. everything has been arranged and the invites sent. now, my husband wants me to reschedule it to the weekend after the original party date as something has come up and he might not be able to fly here in time for the party. i told him no and that he should prioritise our son and come to the party like he was supposed to. he kept insisting he couldn’t reschedule his other arrangement and told me i need to reschedule the party. i refused to and told him they can do something else when he finally decides to see our kids but i wasn’t going to change the party. now he’s angry at me and keeps sending me angry texts threatening to cancel the party himself. i want to be upfront and say we’re only married on paper, and if our relationship was still what it once was i would probably try harder to make this work but now i prioritise my son’s feelings hence refusing to reschedule. aita? [/INST] info: what is the "something" that came up? is it work-related or something he just wants to do? </s>
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AITA for telling this college guy's mom that her coming into his interview cost him the job?
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i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago.
we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid.
a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him.
she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short.
i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection.
it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own.
i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.)
anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers.
i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback.
however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves.
she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up.
aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
| 35,463
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hukoub/aita_for_telling_this_college_guys_mom_that_her/
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2020-07-20 12:51:21
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nta
it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job.
she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her.
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nta. helicopter mom needed to be put in her place. hopefully she learns. sadly, while i think its shitty someone gets put in the dnh pile for something like that; i can completely understand why. hopefully the young man can solve that issue and get hired on somewhere.
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bruh nta. i feel so bad for that poor guy (not for the job per se, but for his controlling mum), but you just did your job and she deserved the cold shower (and a reasonable dose of humility).
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nta. she needs to be told. maybe her son has told her or not but someone outside her bubble needs to be told.
i say this as someone who was in her son's shoes. my dad would do the same stupid stuff. he would call about interviews and job applications. he used to call out of work for me (if i sneezed on the phone or if he wanted to punish me or anything really, he'd call and say i wasn't coming in) and do other stuff that would intentionally or not sabotage my work. i used to sneak around when applying for job interviews and internships just so he wouldn't mess it up.
i long ago developed a policy of excluding both my parents from job stuff. my dad because he'd still do it no matter what and my mom because she will twll him anything i tell her. i'm in my 30s and they still can't know anything about my jobs.
thank you for telling the mom and please consider also telling the son.
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nta holy shit what was she thinking!? hopefully it eventually sinks in and she stops hovering over her adult son because it's not going to do him any favours. that's absolutely ridiculous.
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nta. this is a lawnmower parent. she hovers and attempts to mow down all obstacles in her son’s way. she needs to hear that, for his sake. i feel so badly for this kid. i hope he didn’t lose the job just because of her. if he did, though, it’s a hard lesson all the way around.
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>however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i am also a hiring manager in tech, and while generally you're ok here, because of this line i'm quoting, a little bit ta here i think. your evaluation of a candidate should be solely focused on the candidate, not on externalities out of their control. if you're even considering hiring a 19 year old, you should really know a healthy majority of them are still basically children.
if you completely don't think he's qualified, all you needed was a carbon copy rejection email, wipe your hands, and walk away - you gain nothing by even responding to his mother. if you *did* think he was qualified, and ruled him out because his mother is a nutjob, that could have been better handled by using that same personal contact method you eventually rejected him by, and saying "i would like to interview you, but specifically, you alone." and then make a decision based on your perception of his fit for the job and talk to him directly about the issues you had with his mother and make it clear that won't fly in your work place.
you can't say in one breath you want a self-driven person, and call it an internship in another. internships are all about healthy mutual gain, and the one thing that most people that age will get out of it (aside from some meager salary) is an understanding of what it's like in the real work force and what responsibility means and start learning *how* to be self driven. your average freshman or sophomore in college has not driven themselves thus far, they have been directed, pointed, and groomed for an education they may not even know if they are sure they want. whatever token project you throw them or busywork is unlikely to matter in their career, but the larger picture will.
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nta at *all* but sadly i doubt that your advice will do any good since she probably won't tell her son what you said.
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nta- someone needed to tell her that and maybe coming for you she will take it seriously
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nta nope it’s super unprofessional to allow mommy into your interview. you could have potentially emailed him with an opportunity to schedule a make up interview sans mommy, if you saw some potential talent there but you were in no way obligated.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier [/INST] nta it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job. she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her. </s>
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AITA for reacting "aggressively" when MIL was giving my kids unsolicited advice?
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mil drives me crazy because she really doesn't care about her grandkids. she can't be bothered to see them. she never calls. she shows no interest but when she occasionally is around, she gives lots of opinions on what we are doing wrong.
she came recently for a visit. she has seen my kids (12, 10, and 9) once in the past three years and it was at a family trip to disney where she really didn't hang out with us, so she is pretty much a stranger. mil became bothered by the fact my kids don't have hobbies and wouldn't drop it. she insinuated it is because i'm lazy, asked my 12 year old if he felt fulfilled, and said their lives seem so empty.
i asked her to stop the first time and when she didn't, i leapt up from the table and asked where her suitcase was, we are going to the airport. she was confused and i said she was harassing my kids, who she hardly knows and acting like she is entitled to an opinion on their life. she said i was being psychotic. i asked if she was going to stop. i said she could drop it and keep visiting, or i would drive her to the airport. she did stop but she left 30 minutes later on her own, when she was supposed to stay for 3 more days.
she says i'm crazy and she doesn't care if she ever sees us again. fil sent my husband a nasty text and even my husband feels i slightly overreacted.
| 571
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/srmpcm/aita_for_reacting_aggressively_when_mil_was/
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2022-02-13 16:38:05
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info: why don’t your kids have hobbies? what do they do when they aren’t in school?
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nta.
where's your husband's backbone to deal with his absentee parents?
ps, great job in protecting your children!!
|
esh
info: how was your kids' reaction towards the conversation? because it's not the same if they felt upset or if they were just having a chill exchange of opinions.
edit for judgement: it sounds like your kids weren't even fazed by the comments, so this definitely wasn't the way to handle mil being pushy, especially in front of the kids. this sort of reaction is better suited for when someone is a threat to your family, not for when someone gives harmless — even if annoying — advice.
edit 2: i'm reading it again and i don't really see the alleged attack towards the kids. mil, according to what's written here, didn't critizice the children, but op's parenting for not encouraging the kids to have hobbies. which, yeah, not cool coming from someone who isn't involved, but it pretty much invalidates the argument of "op was defending her kids".
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esh - firstly i think there’s way more to this whole mess of a situation than you have mentioned here, which makes me sus.
secondly, yeah it seems like an over reaction, this reads like you hated the idea of this women coming to visit and was waiting for a reason to kick off at her. there’s more clearly going on between the pair of you and my advice would be you both need to grow up and stop exposing your kids to this hostility.
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hasn't seen them in 3 years...hum, hasn't there been something going on for the last two? i can't put my finger on it, think i saw something in the news about something...
esh - you obviously don't like her, she obviously has opinions. jumping up from a table to get in her face? sure, talk about it, confront her privately.. but ultimately; what a great show and lessons for how your kids should deal with conflict; grandma asking tons of questions (gee after not seeing them for a while) and mom ready to throw down with her kicking her to the curb due to perceived insinuations... nice.
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so your mother in law was trying to encourage your kids to have hobbies, which is healthy for them. she is the devil in human form
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info: do your kids have hobbies or interest that mil just wasn’t aware of?
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nta. she said their lives were empty? thats so messed up. you actually undereacted, i wouldn't have even given her a chance after that. i'd just tell her shes gotta go.
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yta no wonder she doesn't come more often when you react like that to simple question.
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esh. you're setting a very poor example for your kids about how adults handle disagreements if your reaction is leaping up from tables and getting in someone's face to kick them out. that was not an appropriate reaction. a sit down conversation away from kids with you, husband, and mil would have been way more appropriate.
mil sounds like she's been pretty checked out which is also assholeish. she may have a valid concern though- kids should have hobbies and interests and especially at that age they should be encouraged to try new skills, hobbies, sports, activities etc.
|
INFO
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.519381
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: mil drives me crazy because she really doesn't care about her grandkids. she can't be bothered to see them. she never calls. she shows no interest but when she occasionally is around, she gives lots of opinions on what we are doing wrong. she came recently for a visit. she has seen my kids (12, 10, and 9) once in the past three years and it was at a family trip to disney where she really didn't hang out with us, so she is pretty much a stranger. mil became bothered by the fact my kids don't have hobbies and wouldn't drop it. she insinuated it is because i'm lazy, asked my 12 year old if he felt fulfilled, and said their lives seem so empty. i asked her to stop the first time and when she didn't, i leapt up from the table and asked where her suitcase was, we are going to the airport. she was confused and i said she was harassing my kids, who she hardly knows and acting like she is entitled to an opinion on their life. she said i was being psychotic. i asked if she was going to stop. i said she could drop it and keep visiting, or i would drive her to the airport. she did stop but she left 30 minutes later on her own, when she was supposed to stay for 3 more days. she says i'm crazy and she doesn't care if she ever sees us again. fil sent my husband a nasty text and even my husband feels i slightly overreacted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
mil drives me crazy because she really doesn't care about her grandkids. she can't be bothered to see them. she never calls. she shows no interest but when she occasionally is around, she gives lots of opinions on what we are doing wrong. she came recently for a visit. she has seen my kids (12, 10, and 9) once in the past three years and it was at a family trip to disney where she really didn't hang out with us, so she is pretty much a stranger. mil became bothered by the fact my kids don't have hobbies and wouldn't drop it. she insinuated it is because i'm lazy, asked my 12 year old if he felt fulfilled, and said their lives seem so empty. i asked her to stop the first time and when she didn't, i leapt up from the table and asked where her suitcase was, we are going to the airport. she was confused and i said she was harassing my kids, who she hardly knows and acting like she is entitled to an opinion on their life. she said i was being psychotic. i asked if she was going to stop. i said she could drop it and keep visiting, or i would drive her to the airport. she did stop but she left 30 minutes later on her own, when she was supposed to stay for 3 more days. she says i'm crazy and she doesn't care if she ever sees us again. fil sent my husband a nasty text and even my husband feels i slightly overreacted. [/INST] info: why don’t your kids have hobbies? what do they do when they aren’t in school? </s>
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AITA for calling my wife a "trophy wife"?
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i want to preface this by saying i love and respect my wife. she's my better half in every sense, and i don't know what i'd do without her. i absolutely do not think of her as a "trophy" or object.
since before our wedding day we've had an inside joke.
when we first met i was unemployed and she was a waitress, but she did some modelling for her boyfriend at the time, a photographer. within a couple years we were dating and after we got together i'd gotten an internship at a company that turned into a full time, well paying job, while she had started working as a teacher in a public school.
since my internship turned into a full time job i earned more than her, about 2.5x what she does on average. when we were planning our wedding she said we should start saving for x, y, and z, and i said i could pay for all of it right now. she said something like "oh my god i'm a trophy wife" but she laughed when she said it and she found the situation funny.
it's become a recurring joke whenever our income is mentioned or i have a work event that she comes to that she jokingly refers to herself as a "trophy wife" due to the difference in income and the number of events where she ends up being my plus one. i've made the joke myself in private more than once, and she's always found it funny.
then last night i had another work thing, she got dressed up and came with me, and i made the joke in front of a female coworker i was friends with. i don't remember the exact phrasing now but my wife offered to get us each another drink while we talked, and i replied in a way that used the phrase "trophy wife" in a way that was clearly joking, and my wife laughed and explained "it's an inside joke" plus a summary of the joke to my coworker, but the coworker looked a bit put off.
she waited until my wife left and then gave me a verbal beat down over how i referred to my wife. i repeated that it was just a joke when my wife came back. my coworker glared at me for the rest of tonight and again today but it's not had any further repercussions, and i told my wife what happened and asked if she was alright with my joke and she said she thought it was funny.
aita?
| 3,182
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/doacsp/aita_for_calling_my_wife_a_trophy_wife/
|
2019-10-28 15:26:23
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nah - having an inside joke with your wife is fine, but remember that there’s a reason it’s “inside” and not just “joke.” i very much empathize with your coworker though, and can completely see why she would think you’re a massive creep even though you’re obviously not. it’ll take some time but maybe one day you can regain her trust.
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nah. you didn't mean wrong by it but inside jokes are only funny when you're on the inside of them. everyone else just gets the surface meaning, and the surface meaning here is that you don't value your wife beyond her looks.
you used a derogatory term that just happens to be okay because your wife is cool with it. as an analogy, if you referred to your wife as your whore or bitch, she might be cool with it, but most people are going to assume she's trapped in an abusive relationship with an asshole husband and making jokes to cover it up.
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my wife calls me a dumbass all the time, now the kids do it as well,it's a family joke that is said with love. but if she'd call me that outside the family i'll be hurt. inside jokes may sound very cruel without the context
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yta but barely. inside jokes are great and all and your wife clearly doesn’t care, but if you call your wife a loaded term (slut, bitch, whore, trophy wife, sugar baby, etc) to another person who is not familiar, especially a woman (since the term is a sexist term), it is going to sound wrong. you can both say you’re joking all you want but most people are going to continue eyeing you for warning signs.
|
[deleted]
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info: do you work in a male dominated industry?
women in working in those types of fields (finance, engineering, etc.) get used to a lot of sexism, blatant and subtle, and get used to having to fight against those attitudes on the regular. seeing someone she works with casually degrade (from her point of view) their wife would not be a good look. i for one would have been taken aback that you would casually drop something like that at a work environment.
|
nta
however keep inside jokes inside.
your coworker has no need to take offence on your wife's behalf, she sounds like the type who goes out of her way to be offended.
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nah- but bad judgment sharing that inside joke in a professional setting.
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yta,
it's fine that you use a very sexist term as an inside joke. doesn't mean other people can't be hurt by it, or at least think less of you.
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yta. keep your inside jokes to your self instead of telling these jokes in front of people. the inside jokes should be between you and your wife.
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NAH
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.675011
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i want to preface this by saying i love and respect my wife. she's my better half in every sense, and i don't know what i'd do without her. i absolutely do not think of her as a "trophy" or object. since before our wedding day we've had an inside joke. when we first met i was unemployed and she was a waitress, but she did some modelling for her boyfriend at the time, a photographer. within a couple years we were dating and after we got together i'd gotten an internship at a company that turned into a full time, well paying job, while she had started working as a teacher in a public school. since my internship turned into a full time job i earned more than her, about 2.5x what she does on average. when we were planning our wedding she said we should start saving for x, y, and z, and i said i could pay for all of it right now. she said something like "oh my god i'm a trophy wife" but she laughed when she said it and she found the situation funny. it's become a recurring joke whenever our income is mentioned or i have a work event that she comes to that she jokingly refers to herself as a "trophy wife" due to the difference in income and the number of events where she ends up being my plus one. i've made the joke myself in private more than once, and she's always found it funny. then last night i had another work thing, she got dressed up and came with me, and i made the joke in front of a female coworker i was friends with. i don't remember the exact phrasing now but my wife offered to get us each another drink while we talked, and i replied in a way that used the phrase "trophy wife" in a way that was clearly joking, and my wife laughed and explained "it's an inside joke" plus a summary of the joke to my coworker, but the coworker looked a bit put off. she waited until my wife left and then gave me a verbal beat down over how i referred to my wife. i repeated that it was just a joke when my wife came back. my coworker glared at me for the rest of tonight and again today but it's not had any further repercussions, and i told my wife what happened and asked if she was alright with my joke and she said she thought it was funny. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i want to preface this by saying i love and respect my wife. she's my better half in every sense, and i don't know what i'd do without her. i absolutely do not think of her as a "trophy" or object. since before our wedding day we've had an inside joke. when we first met i was unemployed and she was a waitress, but she did some modelling for her boyfriend at the time, a photographer. within a couple years we were dating and after we got together i'd gotten an internship at a company that turned into a full time, well paying job, while she had started working as a teacher in a public school. since my internship turned into a full time job i earned more than her, about 2.5x what she does on average. when we were planning our wedding she said we should start saving for x, y, and z, and i said i could pay for all of it right now. she said something like "oh my god i'm a trophy wife" but she laughed when she said it and she found the situation funny. it's become a recurring joke whenever our income is mentioned or i have a work event that she comes to that she jokingly refers to herself as a "trophy wife" due to the difference in income and the number of events where she ends up being my plus one. i've made the joke myself in private more than once, and she's always found it funny. then last night i had another work thing, she got dressed up and came with me, and i made the joke in front of a female coworker i was friends with. i don't remember the exact phrasing now but my wife offered to get us each another drink while we talked, and i replied in a way that used the phrase "trophy wife" in a way that was clearly joking, and my wife laughed and explained "it's an inside joke" plus a summary of the joke to my coworker, but the coworker looked a bit put off. she waited until my wife left and then gave me a verbal beat down over how i referred to my wife. i repeated that it was just a joke when my wife came back. my coworker glared at me for the rest of tonight and again today but it's not had any further repercussions, and i told my wife what happened and asked if she was alright with my joke and she said she thought it was funny. aita? [/INST] nah - having an inside joke with your wife is fine, but remember that there’s a reason it’s “inside” and not just “joke.” i very much empathize with your coworker though, and can completely see why she would think you’re a massive creep even though you’re obviously not. it’ll take some time but maybe one day you can regain her trust. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and taking the girls and going home after he made them wait outside of the restaurant?
|
i'm a mother of twins (19f). their dad and i split up 6 years ago and i'm now (fixed it it was not but i meant now)married to my husband "kevin"
problem is...kevin thinks that my girls are not discipline simply because they don't follow everything he tells them because they don't see him as their father...we've already talked about that. especially the part where he expects them to dress how he wants them to, and behave how he wants them too. he even called them "weirdos" but that's just how teenagers are and it's not a new thing.
anyways. i told him he needed to loosen up a little and lessen his expectations of them but i get it's hard to do given he was brought up in a "conservative" household with hard-core christian family.
last week. he started a fight after seeing one of the girls' hairstyle and said that she was looking "trashy". because of the we had to cancel our trip to the mall because he refused to drive us.
a couple of days ago. we wanted to go out for dinner. i was intending on getting off work at 6 but had some stuff to get done. my husband and i agreed that he'd take the girls and go to the restaurant and wait for me there. he called me before they got out of the house to complain about what the girls were wearing. the girls sent me pics and i thought nothing was wrong with their outfits and told him to drop it and just go. he said fine then muttered something about me enabling thrm then hung up.
while i was still at work i got a call from one of the girls telling me their stepdad had them stand and wait outside the restaurant because "he didnt want to be seen with them dressing like that". i was stunned i rushed to the restaurant and found them near the car. they explained he told them to wait in the car til he tell them to come in (basically wait for me) they started crying i had them get in my car then went inside the restaurant and found him on his phone. i went off on him and told him he should be ashamed of himself for treating my daughter's like if there was something to be ashamed of. he tried backpaddling saying it wasn't like that but i interrupted him then walked out after cancelling dinner.
we went home and he came back hours later trying to argue that i can't blame him for disapproving of what the girls "recklessness" and that he tried communicating but i shut him down and treated him as less of a parent when he's just wanting what's best for them.
he doesn't speak to me or the girls anymore.
| 17,296
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w0pvjz/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_be_ashamed/
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2022-07-16 20:39:22
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yta for marrying someone who treats your daughters like this. of course they don't see him as a dad, they are adults and he hasn't even been around for 6 years. he cannot just have expected to marry you and suddenly gain two obedient robots. that isn't how it works.
you get that his issues with their wardrobe and appearance are him sexualizing them, right?
his upbringing is no excuse either, it can be a reason but he's still responsible for adjusting his attitude and behavior once it's pointed out as unacceptable.
your choice, but if you let this continue your girls won't stick around for that any longer than they need to.
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info: why are you still with a man that wants to treat your teen girls like dress up dolls that can only wear what he approves, calls them trashy and then punishes them for not marching to the beat of his drum?
i really need to know.
don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you’ll tolerate your kids being treated like shit. cut this controlling dude out of all of your lives.
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nta
you realize that his real issue is that he sees two attractive young women and is, well, attracted. his knee jerk reaction is to control them and their bodies to make himself more comfortable.
the lack of respect here for you, your daughters, and your family as a whole speaks volumes. it's time for this man to be an ex husband.
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yta for staying with a sexist, controlling guy who's being horrible to your children. yta for even marrying him.
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at 19 these "girls" are adults. they don't have to dress how anyone else wants.
your hubby sounds like a future ex.
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why did you marry a man who is so disrespectful to your daughters?
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yta. for allowing him to sexualize and abuse your daughters.
because of the (sic) we had to cancel our trip to the mall because he refused to drive us.
i’m not sure what you are getting out of this relationship, but i guarantee it is not a healthy love. get out now before the damage is irreversible.
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and how does he treat you when you don’t obey him?
d. i. v. o. r. c. e.
nta
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yta for allowing this to happen to your daughters— the first moment he started policing their appearance, you should have considered that a dealbreaker. your daughters are 19 and past the age that they can be told how to dress by a parent. you are enabling this man’s bad behaviour and it’s on you that this happened because you should have shut this shit down long ago. you’ve been with this asshole six years? you’ll be lucky if your daughters are still speaking to you if this continues.
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esh. him for very obvious reasons. you for marrying someone with such obvious disdain for your daughters.
a bit of advice for anyone reading this, don't marry someone whose values and/or beliefs are significantly different from your own. just don't. it very rarely works out. "but we're so compatible!" no, no you're not. they may be sexy, have money, the sex is good, enjoy the same sport, or whatever but that doesn't make you compatible. when you have differing morals and values almost every single decision and conversation will be almost impossible and end in either an argument or one partner becoming bitter after always acquiescing to the others "requests" (aka demands).
|
YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.390791
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a mother of twins (19f). their dad and i split up 6 years ago and i'm now (fixed it it was not but i meant now)married to my husband "kevin" problem is...kevin thinks that my girls are not discipline simply because they don't follow everything he tells them because they don't see him as their father...we've already talked about that. especially the part where he expects them to dress how he wants them to, and behave how he wants them too. he even called them "weirdos" but that's just how teenagers are and it's not a new thing. anyways. i told him he needed to loosen up a little and lessen his expectations of them but i get it's hard to do given he was brought up in a "conservative" household with hard-core christian family. last week. he started a fight after seeing one of the girls' hairstyle and said that she was looking "trashy". because of the we had to cancel our trip to the mall because he refused to drive us. a couple of days ago. we wanted to go out for dinner. i was intending on getting off work at 6 but had some stuff to get done. my husband and i agreed that he'd take the girls and go to the restaurant and wait for me there. he called me before they got out of the house to complain about what the girls were wearing. the girls sent me pics and i thought nothing was wrong with their outfits and told him to drop it and just go. he said fine then muttered something about me enabling thrm then hung up. while i was still at work i got a call from one of the girls telling me their stepdad had them stand and wait outside the restaurant because "he didnt want to be seen with them dressing like that". i was stunned i rushed to the restaurant and found them near the car. they explained he told them to wait in the car til he tell them to come in (basically wait for me) they started crying i had them get in my car then went inside the restaurant and found him on his phone. i went off on him and told him he should be ashamed of himself for treating my daughter's like if there was something to be ashamed of. he tried backpaddling saying it wasn't like that but i interrupted him then walked out after cancelling dinner. we went home and he came back hours later trying to argue that i can't blame him for disapproving of what the girls "recklessness" and that he tried communicating but i shut him down and treated him as less of a parent when he's just wanting what's best for them. he doesn't speak to me or the girls anymore.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a mother of twins (19f). their dad and i split up 6 years ago and i'm now (fixed it it was not but i meant now)married to my husband "kevin" problem is...kevin thinks that my girls are not discipline simply because they don't follow everything he tells them because they don't see him as their father...we've already talked about that. especially the part where he expects them to dress how he wants them to, and behave how he wants them too. he even called them "weirdos" but that's just how teenagers are and it's not a new thing. anyways. i told him he needed to loosen up a little and lessen his expectations of them but i get it's hard to do given he was brought up in a "conservative" household with hard-core christian family. last week. he started a fight after seeing one of the girls' hairstyle and said that she was looking "trashy". because of the we had to cancel our trip to the mall because he refused to drive us. a couple of days ago. we wanted to go out for dinner. i was intending on getting off work at 6 but had some stuff to get done. my husband and i agreed that he'd take the girls and go to the restaurant and wait for me there. he called me before they got out of the house to complain about what the girls were wearing. the girls sent me pics and i thought nothing was wrong with their outfits and told him to drop it and just go. he said fine then muttered something about me enabling thrm then hung up. while i was still at work i got a call from one of the girls telling me their stepdad had them stand and wait outside the restaurant because "he didnt want to be seen with them dressing like that". i was stunned i rushed to the restaurant and found them near the car. they explained he told them to wait in the car til he tell them to come in (basically wait for me) they started crying i had them get in my car then went inside the restaurant and found him on his phone. i went off on him and told him he should be ashamed of himself for treating my daughter's like if there was something to be ashamed of. he tried backpaddling saying it wasn't like that but i interrupted him then walked out after cancelling dinner. we went home and he came back hours later trying to argue that i can't blame him for disapproving of what the girls "recklessness" and that he tried communicating but i shut him down and treated him as less of a parent when he's just wanting what's best for them. he doesn't speak to me or the girls anymore. [/INST] yta for marrying someone who treats your daughters like this. of course they don't see him as a dad, they are adults and he hasn't even been around for 6 years. he cannot just have expected to marry you and suddenly gain two obedient robots. that isn't how it works. you get that his issues with their wardrobe and appearance are him sexualizing them, right? his upbringing is no excuse either, it can be a reason but he's still responsible for adjusting his attitude and behavior once it's pointed out as unacceptable. your choice, but if you let this continue your girls won't stick around for that any longer than they need to. </s>
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AITA for wanting soon to be born baby to have my last name, and not considering my partners?
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we are a heterosexual couple about to have our first baby next year. in a commited and loving relationship for 10 years but not married and don't plan to as we are not religious and i don't agree with the historic ownership of women tied to marriage (neither does he).
that's all fine, but i've always felt very strongly about baby having my last name, and he's not thrilled about that. he says i'm being slightly racist (half jokingly) because his surname is foreign and i just don't want it because it's hard for english speaking people to say and spell.
the latter is true but it's more that i'm actually just selfish and want baby to have my last name cos i'm growing her or him inside me. aita?
| 1,162
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k2vhsh/aita_for_wanting_soon_to_be_born_baby_to_have_my/
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2020-11-28 20:56:10
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info can you compromise and hyphenate? it’s super common here i’m from for a child with two parents of different surnames to have a combination of the two. it also makes things a lot smoother when one parent has to take the kid to an appointment so they don’t need their parental relation to be questioned every single time and have the doctors ask “who are you?”
“uhhh i’m their father???”
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yta.
by you saying that since you carried it, you get to decide with no input from the father, surely by that logic you carried the baby so you have to look after it yourself with no input from the father as clearly he had no input. this baby is both of your responsibilities and you should have equal say in how they are raised and naming, you can't pick and choose what rights and responsibilities the father has.
the correct compromise here is the hyphenation or to straight up tell him that you don't like his surname instead of prancing around that issue and lying.
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nah. because nobody blinks when a child is automatically given the father’s name. no one asks for a reason. no one wonders if a child is their mother’s. no one asks if the woman wants to give her name. nobody tries to compromise with her. no one cares at all. but when one woman has an opinion, suddenly we need to ask the man if he’s ok with it and compromise and soothe his feelings because it’s his baby too.
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info: why wasn’t this discussed before you got pregnant?
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i'm gonna go against the grain and say yta. the baby is equally his as he/she is yours!? half of them will be his genes. he's going to be the father. ideally and presumably, he will do half the work in raising the baby and you will do the other half.
you growing the baby inside you does not entitle you to want them to only carry your identity and not their father's.
you've also admitted that a part of the reason you don't want the baby to have his surname is it is foreign. that is just terrible.
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nah - i mean i get your growing the kid and all but it’s not like he has the choice to grow it and said no
maybe hyphenate?
i am a little more on his side simply because on top of the selfish part
you admit you don’t want the baby to have his name because it’s foreign which....i mean that kinda sucks
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yta. you're not the ah for wanting your child to have your last name but for, in your words, not even considering otherwise. relationships require compromise, especially when children are involved. maybe the child *should* have your last name, but that's a decision you and your partner should be making together.
just as an exercise, i'd ask yourself how much you plan on considering your partner throughout your child's life, and if you're not planning on starting now, then when?
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nah.
i find it's a knee jerk reaction from society to assume that baby will have the fathers last name, and it's pretty uncommon still for baby to have the mothers last name.
when my partner and i had a baby, it got my last name. i am incredibly attached to my name and proud of it. it's also uncommon enough that if i meet anyone else with the same last name, we're related somehow.
i felt strongly enough about it to lay down some caveats when my partner and i first got together and realised we were serious. that if we ever got married, i'm keeping my last name. i'm not their mother or sister, i don't need their last name. and also if we ever had kids, the kids got my last name. it was a deal breaker for me if this wasn't something they were ok with, but i brought it up early because it was a hill i was willing to die on.
i have been incredibly fortunate in that after i went on my mini tirade about it (expecting push back because tradition) he looked at me and said "and that's why you keep your name and potential baby gets your name. i don't care about mine the way you do"
there is a level of possession, absolutely, about having the same last name as your baby. especially when it's your name.
women are so expected to conform and name change as needed or expected, it's nice to not budge and take the history with us. even if yes, that history is technically still a male name, but we gotta start somewhere - right?
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i think that if there is to be a default, it should be the baby takes the last name of the person who gave birth to it.
i also think that if you don’t have at least a good faith discussion about this with the baby’s father, you’re being an asshole.
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nta. no one blinks an eye when a baby gets dad’s surname despite mom having a different one yet a mom wants to give her baby her last name suddenly you have to be fair and remember that he’s the father. it’s always assumed that baby gets dad’s last name that’s it’s seen as shocking and an insult against him if mom disagrees. you both get a say but if you disagree, ultimately someone doesn’t get what they want. why is it assumed that it should be you? you both agree to not get married due to the historical meaning of ownership tied to ownership then you should remember that children received their father’s surname as a sign of ownership as well. if you want to give the baby your last name, do it. it only affects his ability to be a father if he lets it. give the baby his last name as a middle name.
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INFO
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YTA
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NAH
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INFO
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| 0.646108
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we are a heterosexual couple about to have our first baby next year. in a commited and loving relationship for 10 years but not married and don't plan to as we are not religious and i don't agree with the historic ownership of women tied to marriage (neither does he). that's all fine, but i've always felt very strongly about baby having my last name, and he's not thrilled about that. he says i'm being slightly racist (half jokingly) because his surname is foreign and i just don't want it because it's hard for english speaking people to say and spell. the latter is true but it's more that i'm actually just selfish and want baby to have my last name cos i'm growing her or him inside me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we are a heterosexual couple about to have our first baby next year. in a commited and loving relationship for 10 years but not married and don't plan to as we are not religious and i don't agree with the historic ownership of women tied to marriage (neither does he). that's all fine, but i've always felt very strongly about baby having my last name, and he's not thrilled about that. he says i'm being slightly racist (half jokingly) because his surname is foreign and i just don't want it because it's hard for english speaking people to say and spell. the latter is true but it's more that i'm actually just selfish and want baby to have my last name cos i'm growing her or him inside me. aita? [/INST] info can you compromise and hyphenate? it’s super common here i’m from for a child with two parents of different surnames to have a combination of the two. it also makes things a lot smoother when one parent has to take the kid to an appointment so they don’t need their parental relation to be questioned every single time and have the doctors ask “who are you?” “uhhh i’m their father???” </s>
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AITA for "ruining the Disney magic" for my nephew?
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i (30f) have two young nephews who we'll call jack (5m) and george (2m). i see these kids every single day due to how close i live to their home and i'm basically their nanny.
for some unfathomable reason their parents got jack really into videogames from a very young age and all he likes to do is watch lets plays constantly. (i'm not sure its healthy for a 5 year old to be that into fortnite but hey not my kid not my choice) he knows i also play a lot of games and just goes on and on talking about them to me and subsequently asks a lot of questions.
one day he was telling me about how his favorite youtubers were playing five nights at freddies and how cool and scary it was and he asked me if animatronics were a real thing.
thinking nothing of such a simple question i said yeah, the game itself is based on the real life franchise called chuck e cheese. i also off handedly mentioned that disney makes some of the best animatronics in the world.
this blew jack's mind and he went to watching all sorts of ride videos on youtube about the different rides in disneyland that had animatronics in them and even started pointing them out to george and explaining to him how "animatronics are robots that look real".
their mom found out about what i had told jack and got pissed off because she and her husband were planning on taking the kids to disneyland soon and now the "magic is ruined" since he now knows that everything is fake. she thinks jack, being the little chatterbox he is, will ruin it for other kids as well.
i don't think i ruined his potential experience by inadvertently getting the kid interested in robotics in the entertainment industry. if anything i think i made him more excited than ever by the concept of theme parks and their inner workings.
aita?
| 4,148
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j3jmr1/aita_for_ruining_the_disney_magic_for_my_nephew/
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2020-10-01 23:20:03
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nah, if anything you made the experience more magical for the kid. i think mom here is severely underestimating her kid's intelligence.
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ugh. nta. the robots are the magic. so much more cool than whatever “magic” the mom is imagining. seriously. i remember going to d-land as a kid. i knew they were not alive.
so dumb.
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nta
he seems to be interested and fascinated by robots. his mom should be trying to encourage his interest in robots rather than yell at you
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nta. this is how dumb parents ruin a brilliant child.
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nta- your nephew isn't upset by learning about animatronic characters, the concept is really interesting and exciting to him. believing that the pirates of the caribbean or the birds in the tiki room are living and real isn't a necessary part of enjoying the experience, and feeding into your nephew's interest can probably even enhance the trip for him.
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nta you can even take special tours down there that explain the behind the scenes stuff. my mom was big into disney her whole life. my sister wrote to an imagineer when she was in grade school with drawings of her ideas for rides. he sent her back the coolest packet that's ever been sent in the us mail. even as a kid, i could appreciate how incredible it was for an adult to do that for someone. tell your sister he'll have a whole different appreciation for it. he'll be the only five year old having his mind fucking blown by the hall of presidents.
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nta
maybe get her some parenting classes for christmas?
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nta - the idea that disney has to stay spoiler-free to be fun drives me nuts. does their mom think that the only way to enjoy disneyland is to think that the animatronics are real? honestly, i think that's a lot more creepy. i don't want to live in a world where there really are talking birds, or real mermaids and all we’ve done is trap them in one spot for decades.
also, if she thinks she’s taking them to disneyland ”soon” i have some bad news for her.
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nta. i’ve known the what the animatronics were almost as long as i can remember. mostly just changed the vocabulary i used but i was still as amazed as any other kid there.
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nta.
you didn't ruin your nephew's experience. you ruined the parents expectations of what his experience will be.
they're adults and should be able to get over it.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30f) have two young nephews who we'll call jack (5m) and george (2m). i see these kids every single day due to how close i live to their home and i'm basically their nanny. for some unfathomable reason their parents got jack really into videogames from a very young age and all he likes to do is watch lets plays constantly. (i'm not sure its healthy for a 5 year old to be that into fortnite but hey not my kid not my choice) he knows i also play a lot of games and just goes on and on talking about them to me and subsequently asks a lot of questions. one day he was telling me about how his favorite youtubers were playing five nights at freddies and how cool and scary it was and he asked me if animatronics were a real thing. thinking nothing of such a simple question i said yeah, the game itself is based on the real life franchise called chuck e cheese. i also off handedly mentioned that disney makes some of the best animatronics in the world. this blew jack's mind and he went to watching all sorts of ride videos on youtube about the different rides in disneyland that had animatronics in them and even started pointing them out to george and explaining to him how "animatronics are robots that look real". their mom found out about what i had told jack and got pissed off because she and her husband were planning on taking the kids to disneyland soon and now the "magic is ruined" since he now knows that everything is fake. she thinks jack, being the little chatterbox he is, will ruin it for other kids as well. i don't think i ruined his potential experience by inadvertently getting the kid interested in robotics in the entertainment industry. if anything i think i made him more excited than ever by the concept of theme parks and their inner workings. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) have two young nephews who we'll call jack (5m) and george (2m). i see these kids every single day due to how close i live to their home and i'm basically their nanny. for some unfathomable reason their parents got jack really into videogames from a very young age and all he likes to do is watch lets plays constantly. (i'm not sure its healthy for a 5 year old to be that into fortnite but hey not my kid not my choice) he knows i also play a lot of games and just goes on and on talking about them to me and subsequently asks a lot of questions. one day he was telling me about how his favorite youtubers were playing five nights at freddies and how cool and scary it was and he asked me if animatronics were a real thing. thinking nothing of such a simple question i said yeah, the game itself is based on the real life franchise called chuck e cheese. i also off handedly mentioned that disney makes some of the best animatronics in the world. this blew jack's mind and he went to watching all sorts of ride videos on youtube about the different rides in disneyland that had animatronics in them and even started pointing them out to george and explaining to him how "animatronics are robots that look real". their mom found out about what i had told jack and got pissed off because she and her husband were planning on taking the kids to disneyland soon and now the "magic is ruined" since he now knows that everything is fake. she thinks jack, being the little chatterbox he is, will ruin it for other kids as well. i don't think i ruined his potential experience by inadvertently getting the kid interested in robotics in the entertainment industry. if anything i think i made him more excited than ever by the concept of theme parks and their inner workings. aita? [/INST] nah, if anything you made the experience more magical for the kid. i think mom here is severely underestimating her kid's intelligence. </s>
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AITA for telling my new co worker it was misleading of him to be wearing his wedding band when he's a widower?
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hi. a couple of weeks ago we had a new employee hired at the company. he's a good guy and a widower named "james" (36) and to my knowledge his late wife passed away 8 months ago. me (f32) and the other coworkers got along well with him. however i noticed that he is still wearing his wedding band on his finger. it kind of confused me a bit and i couldn't help but bring it up with him while on lunch break.
we talked and i pointed out that he was being misleading by still wearing his wedding band when he's a widower. he looked quite bothered by what i said but i tried to explain that i think that he was giving people the wrong idea or impression about his relationship status since he's technically single and on his own right now (don't want to sound cruel but i'm speaking from technical angle).
james said that he didn't give it much thought (meaning he don't care what people think) and that even if he wasn't wearing his wedding band and some woman approached him he'd still turn them down since he's obviously not interested.
for some reason things got awkward and everyone stopped eating and just stared at james and me.
i told him i don't know but that really really felt generally misleading of him as in making people think he is in a relationship (married) when he is not regardless of how he felt about being in a relationship. he got upset, called me rude, and said that i repeatedly disrespected his marriage and his late wife's memory with what i said then took his stuff and walked away. my co workers said regardless of who is right or wrong (though some said he overreacted) there was no reason for me to bring this up on the first place and cause a scene and make james upset with us like that now he's not speaking to me and others who sided with me.
aita? did i overstep or did he overreact?
this was just a conversation we were casually having with the other co workers and i didn't use any insensitive tones or anything but we had a discussion and it suddenly turned into an argument. i tried to let things calm down but the situation got out of my hand unexpectedly.
| 22,457
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rq451r/aita_for_telling_my_new_co_worker_it_was/
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2021-12-28 02:24:38
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yta. a wedding ring isn’t a sign to others you aren’t available it’s a commitment to a person you love. his wife might be dead but if he’s not ready to move on than he’s still committed to her.
your confusion about his status isn’t his concern.
|
yta
"i couldn't help but bring it up"
yes you could. just stop talking. help it next time.
"for some reason things got awkward"
the reason is that you're an ah and he doesn't ever want to speak to you again
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yta. he’s not going to fuck you
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yta and you most certainly overstepped. his wife only passed eight months ago, it’s no surprise that he is still wearing his wedding band. he is not “misleading” anyone and it doesn’t matter what people assume when they see the ring - what matters is that he still wants to wear it. how he feels about it is the only thing that matters.
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omg. how horrible. why is this your business or bother you at all. also, he can wear for her memory. yta
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yta. omg!!! yta! he is still in a relationship. he still feels married. he has only been a widower for **8** months!
he does not owe anyone information about whether he is single or otherwise. the point is that he is not available.
for being 32 years old, you haven't learned a lot, have you? just be quiet. you don't know what you are talking about. i am embarrassed for you.
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yta. you have no right to tell someone how to represent themselves or grieve after losing their partner. you called them out on a “technicality” instead of being a compassionate person. the only one in the wrong here is you.
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yta.
you’re *insanely* rude. to the point where i can’t believe you actually don’t realize that what you said is *extremely* inappropriate.
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yta
his marital status is none of your business and he is still married technically since his wife passed away. they were married and not divorced when she died.
you were grossly overstepping and being very unprofessional. i would report you to hr.
what does his marital status have anything to do with your job and he wasn’t soliciting your advice. he was even polite about your very uncouth behavior.
you are completely wrong. james didn’t overreact and you are lucky that you are not in front of hr explaining your hostile/inappropriate behavior.
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obviously yta.
james isn’t single, he’s grieving. stop telling him how to do so. his relationship status is the very definition of none of your business.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi. a couple of weeks ago we had a new employee hired at the company. he's a good guy and a widower named "james" (36) and to my knowledge his late wife passed away 8 months ago. me (f32) and the other coworkers got along well with him. however i noticed that he is still wearing his wedding band on his finger. it kind of confused me a bit and i couldn't help but bring it up with him while on lunch break. we talked and i pointed out that he was being misleading by still wearing his wedding band when he's a widower. he looked quite bothered by what i said but i tried to explain that i think that he was giving people the wrong idea or impression about his relationship status since he's technically single and on his own right now (don't want to sound cruel but i'm speaking from technical angle). james said that he didn't give it much thought (meaning he don't care what people think) and that even if he wasn't wearing his wedding band and some woman approached him he'd still turn them down since he's obviously not interested. for some reason things got awkward and everyone stopped eating and just stared at james and me. i told him i don't know but that really really felt generally misleading of him as in making people think he is in a relationship (married) when he is not regardless of how he felt about being in a relationship. he got upset, called me rude, and said that i repeatedly disrespected his marriage and his late wife's memory with what i said then took his stuff and walked away. my co workers said regardless of who is right or wrong (though some said he overreacted) there was no reason for me to bring this up on the first place and cause a scene and make james upset with us like that now he's not speaking to me and others who sided with me. aita? did i overstep or did he overreact? this was just a conversation we were casually having with the other co workers and i didn't use any insensitive tones or anything but we had a discussion and it suddenly turned into an argument. i tried to let things calm down but the situation got out of my hand unexpectedly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi. a couple of weeks ago we had a new employee hired at the company. he's a good guy and a widower named "james" (36) and to my knowledge his late wife passed away 8 months ago. me (f32) and the other coworkers got along well with him. however i noticed that he is still wearing his wedding band on his finger. it kind of confused me a bit and i couldn't help but bring it up with him while on lunch break. we talked and i pointed out that he was being misleading by still wearing his wedding band when he's a widower. he looked quite bothered by what i said but i tried to explain that i think that he was giving people the wrong idea or impression about his relationship status since he's technically single and on his own right now (don't want to sound cruel but i'm speaking from technical angle). james said that he didn't give it much thought (meaning he don't care what people think) and that even if he wasn't wearing his wedding band and some woman approached him he'd still turn them down since he's obviously not interested. for some reason things got awkward and everyone stopped eating and just stared at james and me. i told him i don't know but that really really felt generally misleading of him as in making people think he is in a relationship (married) when he is not regardless of how he felt about being in a relationship. he got upset, called me rude, and said that i repeatedly disrespected his marriage and his late wife's memory with what i said then took his stuff and walked away. my co workers said regardless of who is right or wrong (though some said he overreacted) there was no reason for me to bring this up on the first place and cause a scene and make james upset with us like that now he's not speaking to me and others who sided with me. aita? did i overstep or did he overreact? this was just a conversation we were casually having with the other co workers and i didn't use any insensitive tones or anything but we had a discussion and it suddenly turned into an argument. i tried to let things calm down but the situation got out of my hand unexpectedly. [/INST] yta. a wedding ring isn’t a sign to others you aren’t available it’s a commitment to a person you love. his wife might be dead but if he’s not ready to move on than he’s still committed to her. your confusion about his status isn’t his concern. </s>
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AITA for showing favorirism toward my grandkids?
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my son married his highschool girlfriend when he was 19. i told him i don't approve of his choice for two reasons 1. he is too young 2. we never liked his girlfriend so i will never help him with anything
they have 2 kids jonah(m17) and laura(f16)
when laura was born my son begged me for help because they couldn't afford child care for 2 kids eventhough they both work full time and none of them can become a sahp because they need the money. eventhough i told him i won't help i decided to help anyway because of my grandkids. i hired a nanny for them. the problem is that whenever we were at their home i noticed that his wife only takes care of jonah and leaves laura completely to the nanny. i never saw her play with laura or anything while she was always holding jonah and playing with him
once i told her it won't kill her to touch her daughter sometimes which caused a huge fight between us and i fired the nanny and told them the only help i will give is that i will babysit laura for them and pay for everything she needs but i won't help with anything else. my wife and i took care of laura more than her own parents did
my sweet daughter turned 16 a few months ago. i bought a car for her(she earned some of the money by helping me with my job and i paid for the rest)
jonah is turning 18 in a few months and my son asked me to help buy a car for him. i told him i'm sorry but i won't do that because i made it clear that i will only help with laura's expenses. he accused me of showing favoritism and and called me an ah being a terrible grandfather for giving one child a luxury life but not doing anything for the other one
i told him i'm doing this because he and his wife are terrible parents to laura so someone needs to favor her
| 5,647
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z7u3jm/aita_for_showing_favorirism_toward_my_grandkids/
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2022-11-29 13:28:48
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esh. you thought it was wrong that your daughter-in-law showed favoritism, so you responded by… showing favoritism?? are you familiar with the phrase “two wrongs don’t make a right?”
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esh: you and your son are fighting through his children. this is horrible. you may think that you're balancing the scales; but what you're both doing is:
* setting the two children to compete against each other for their parents' and their grandparents' love and affection. this will have ramifications in their relationship throughout their adult lives. i do hope that they can overcome it when they're grown up enough to get away from all of you. and also,
* providing a godawful example for them on how to behave with their own children (that it's okay to have favorites) when they become adults.
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esh except the kids. it's not your grandson's fault that his parents are ahs, don't take it out on him. by all means tell your son and dil to pound sand, but don't take it out on the kids.
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nta....reading through comments i wish i had a grandparent that stepped in for me...am a middle child and attention stayed on the oldest(boy) and the youngest(girl and she was very center of attention type person). so by the time they decided to notice me all they could muster up would be oh hi didn't see you there and walk away kinda type of greeting. it feels so crappy when your mom says oh you can tell me how you feel and still doesn't do crap when you say you feel ignored and left out.
(maternal gps lived in another state and saw them like 3 times before they passed away...paternal gps lived overseas and i only knew of a gm and saw her once and she wasn't very engaging when she visited soooo yeah).
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yta, and i refuse to believe you don’t know it. you decided you hated your son’s wife *well* before laura was even born, and not only constructed this narrative in your head to justify that hatred, but have carried it for *decades* past the point where any of your already flimsy evidence even holds up. the only person guilty of blatant favoritism and mistreatment here is **you**. and again, i refuse to believe you don’t know it, or you’d be able to present even a *single* reason for writing jonah off on *any* basis other than that you’ve just decided to scapegoat him alongside his mom.
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nta.
they chose to neglect they're own daughter in favor of their son. you were only making up the loss that she felt from seeing her parents choose her brother instead of her over and over again.
is it favoritism? yes. is it well deserved? yes.
you helped your granddaughter because she needed it after being neglected but her own parents. your grandson didn't need anything from you because his parent gave him everything and left nothing for his sister.
you did the right thing, you loved her when her own parents wouldn't.
keep doing what your doing because she is going to need you just as much when she goes off to college. shell need someone to visit for weekends and breaks and summer. the holidays and to bring her kids to see you all.
because her parents won't support her and won't be there for her since they'll be too busy giving all their time, attention and money to the brother.
remind her that no matter what happens you love her and will always be there for her, to support and love her and your house is always open for her if she needs it. because i bet her parents will kick her out at 18 and let the brother stay, she'll need you then.
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nta--look, if the parents had stepped up and not favored the son, this wouldn't have been an issue.
obviously there was neglect and favoritism, he could have called cps but he didn't. he stepped up when his own child wouldn't.
parents could have saved what they didn't have to spend on a second child and bought their boy a car. they didn't, they just expected grandpa to do it so they could continue to not financially plan for the big purchases if they wanted to help their child.
they are not entitled to his money! he can spend it however he wants because he earned it and not them.
the parents just don't like that the child they didn't mind throwing/neglecting away got an ally and someone to depend on for emotional and literal support.
f&%k them!
good on you grandpa, way to be a supportive system for your "daughter".
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nta, sorry you have to pick up the slack for your son and their partner being horrible parents
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nta .
not fair for jonah but at least he has two loving parents whereas laura doesn’t …
laura has grandparents that provide her love and security … things that her parents don’t and prefer to favour their son .
it’s all about equilibrium .
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nta.
i get it. you saw laura being neglected and wanted to right that wrong. i don't believe that means you should have completely cut off your other grandchild, but i understand the mindset you had when you did. he was being fawned over and your granddaughter was receiving nothing. you were basically trying to balance out the scales.
now that your grandson is turning 18 though, perhaps you can readjust your position. not doing anything for your grandson at this point might be going a bit too far. i'm not saying you should get him a car, but perhaps you can offer to match whatever he can gather. so if he gathers 2000 for a car, you'll put in 2000 (if you have the means to do this). or you can offer to help him out with car insurance, or even take the kid out to dinner once a month. try to be a good influence on his life, and maybe even explain to him why you were so distant. how do you know the favoritism hasn't also bothered him? at least get to know the kid and see where you might be able to help him out while staying in your comfort zone.
please keep showing laura all that love since she apparently isn't getting it from her parent(s). i think she probably needs it. it's very hurtful for a kid to see their parent(s) show all their love for one kid while ignoring the other. encourage her to achieve great heights. explain to her that her success will be the thing that makes her parent(s) regret their past decisions of not showing equal love to both kids. but try not to be exactly like them. offer at least some support to the grandson as well, so that he isn't feeling rejected completely by you.
best of luck op.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.341285
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son married his highschool girlfriend when he was 19. i told him i don't approve of his choice for two reasons 1. he is too young 2. we never liked his girlfriend so i will never help him with anything they have 2 kids jonah(m17) and laura(f16) when laura was born my son begged me for help because they couldn't afford child care for 2 kids eventhough they both work full time and none of them can become a sahp because they need the money. eventhough i told him i won't help i decided to help anyway because of my grandkids. i hired a nanny for them. the problem is that whenever we were at their home i noticed that his wife only takes care of jonah and leaves laura completely to the nanny. i never saw her play with laura or anything while she was always holding jonah and playing with him once i told her it won't kill her to touch her daughter sometimes which caused a huge fight between us and i fired the nanny and told them the only help i will give is that i will babysit laura for them and pay for everything she needs but i won't help with anything else. my wife and i took care of laura more than her own parents did my sweet daughter turned 16 a few months ago. i bought a car for her(she earned some of the money by helping me with my job and i paid for the rest) jonah is turning 18 in a few months and my son asked me to help buy a car for him. i told him i'm sorry but i won't do that because i made it clear that i will only help with laura's expenses. he accused me of showing favoritism and and called me an ah being a terrible grandfather for giving one child a luxury life but not doing anything for the other one i told him i'm doing this because he and his wife are terrible parents to laura so someone needs to favor her
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son married his highschool girlfriend when he was 19. i told him i don't approve of his choice for two reasons 1. he is too young 2. we never liked his girlfriend so i will never help him with anything they have 2 kids jonah(m17) and laura(f16) when laura was born my son begged me for help because they couldn't afford child care for 2 kids eventhough they both work full time and none of them can become a sahp because they need the money. eventhough i told him i won't help i decided to help anyway because of my grandkids. i hired a nanny for them. the problem is that whenever we were at their home i noticed that his wife only takes care of jonah and leaves laura completely to the nanny. i never saw her play with laura or anything while she was always holding jonah and playing with him once i told her it won't kill her to touch her daughter sometimes which caused a huge fight between us and i fired the nanny and told them the only help i will give is that i will babysit laura for them and pay for everything she needs but i won't help with anything else. my wife and i took care of laura more than her own parents did my sweet daughter turned 16 a few months ago. i bought a car for her(she earned some of the money by helping me with my job and i paid for the rest) jonah is turning 18 in a few months and my son asked me to help buy a car for him. i told him i'm sorry but i won't do that because i made it clear that i will only help with laura's expenses. he accused me of showing favoritism and and called me an ah being a terrible grandfather for giving one child a luxury life but not doing anything for the other one i told him i'm doing this because he and his wife are terrible parents to laura so someone needs to favor her [/INST] esh. you thought it was wrong that your daughter-in-law showed favoritism, so you responded by… showing favoritism?? are you familiar with the phrase “two wrongs don’t make a right?” </s>
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AITA for wanting to walk away from my wedding without telling anyone?
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i've been with my fiancee for 8 years, we were each other's firsts for everything and have never dated other people. we always knew were going to get married and last year i proposed and the wedding was sent for january 2020. i've never been happier and whilst she wanted a big glitzy wedding i managed to convince her to have a small affair in scandinavia with family and close friends, then the money we saved can either go to a house deposit or our honeymoon.
we were having a talk this weekend and she wanted us to get all our secrets and issues out of the way so we could start the new decade and marriage with a clean slate. i found this odd but decided to do it anyway as i didn't have much to confess.
when we were at university we had a period of about a month where we weren't speaking, we had a massive argument and whilst i remember clearly that we hadn't broken up or "go on a break" we weren't speaking to each other. the argument started because she was getting close to some guy and she wanted to open our relationship. i was totally against it and she finally agreed with me but wouldn't speak to me.
she confessed to me that during this 2 month period she went ahead with it anyway and in her words "it was a mistake and made me realise how much i loved you". i could understand if it had been one night, but for 2 months? no.
i didn't know what to say so i just said "it's all in the past" and pretended everything was ok, but in reality i am very upset that she lied and hid this for too long and i have lost all love for her and any interest in marrying her.
aita if i tell my parents what happened and then just ghost her and our friends? i don't want to deal with her trying to convince me to stay, i just want to walks away from it all.
| 3,367
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e63g4p/aita_for_wanting_to_walk_away_from_my_wedding/
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2019-12-04 18:27:51
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esh. she screwed up big time and i don’t blame you for wanting to end things, but ywbta if you just ghosted her and disappeared. if you want to break things off, do it to her face.
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yta, okay don't marry her but don't fucking ghost her??? communicate you've been with her for 8 years you can have a conversation with her
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info. how long ago was college? how serious was the relationship then? was it clear you were still together?
if a boyfriend stopped speaking to me for a couple months in college, i'd assume we were over, so how clear was it that this was cheating?
if someone "cheated" during a maybe-they-were-maybe-they-werent together period, years ago, in college, and everything was good since then, but party a ghosted party b at the alter for cheating, without any discussion, i'd think party a was ta and was looking for an excuse to leave.
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yta, you guys didn't speak at all for two months and you expect her to just save herself for someone like this? wtf? two months? com'on man, get real. i get being upset at the time but you aren't going to save your relationship by ignoring each other and going no contact, that is how you move on from a break up. it's no surprise she hooked up with someone during this time. after 1 week, hell maybe if you are patient 2 weeks of no contact no talking i would have considered the relationship dead and buried.
look, i get this sucks to hear, there really is no easy fix here but ghosting on her again isn't the answer. that immature shit is what got you into this mess! be a god damn adult this time and talk about your feelings. you can either learn to get past this or you can call it off, either way you owe this much to the person you claim to love.
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esh. her for cheating and lying. you for being so goddamn avoidant that you can’t have an honest albeit difficult conversation, and for considering ending an 8 year relationship without a word to your partner.
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info - what is the relevance of her wanting "a big glitzy wedding" and you wanting "a small affair in scandinavia with family and close friends"?
is it supposed to make her look like a bad person who only cares about frivolously spending money to get peoples' attention, while you are a reasonable and pragmatic person?
are we supposed to say, "obviously her wanting a big fancy party means she doesn't love you anyway, and she wants a wedding not a marriage, so go ahead and ghost that terrible deceitful woman"?
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yta i don't understand how anyone could assume they're still in a relationship with someone if they haven't spoken in 2 months over an argument. it's not like one of you was working abroad with no internet access or something, so whatever the reason was the expectation of still being in a relationship during this time period is pretty silly. you don't need to specifically say "we're broken up" to *be* broken up.
unless you both decided you were still in this relationship but just not talking for whatever reason, you're in the wrong here.
not only that but since you're supposed to be getting married, i'm assuming everything has been good since, and yet you're completely willing to throw away an 8 year relationship over something she presumably did years ago by ghosting her.
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yta if you do it and don't tell anybody. if you want to call off your wedding, that's totally fine, you obviously don't have to marry somebody you don't want to. but to just not show up and not tell anyone? just seems childish.
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yta if you ghost. you absolutely don't have to marry anyone you don't want to but to just not show up is an asshole move
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esh - she should’ve told you back then. ywbta if you ghost her. be an adult and have an adult conversation about it.
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.047838
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been with my fiancee for 8 years, we were each other's firsts for everything and have never dated other people. we always knew were going to get married and last year i proposed and the wedding was sent for january 2020. i've never been happier and whilst she wanted a big glitzy wedding i managed to convince her to have a small affair in scandinavia with family and close friends, then the money we saved can either go to a house deposit or our honeymoon. we were having a talk this weekend and she wanted us to get all our secrets and issues out of the way so we could start the new decade and marriage with a clean slate. i found this odd but decided to do it anyway as i didn't have much to confess. when we were at university we had a period of about a month where we weren't speaking, we had a massive argument and whilst i remember clearly that we hadn't broken up or "go on a break" we weren't speaking to each other. the argument started because she was getting close to some guy and she wanted to open our relationship. i was totally against it and she finally agreed with me but wouldn't speak to me. she confessed to me that during this 2 month period she went ahead with it anyway and in her words "it was a mistake and made me realise how much i loved you". i could understand if it had been one night, but for 2 months? no. i didn't know what to say so i just said "it's all in the past" and pretended everything was ok, but in reality i am very upset that she lied and hid this for too long and i have lost all love for her and any interest in marrying her. aita if i tell my parents what happened and then just ghost her and our friends? i don't want to deal with her trying to convince me to stay, i just want to walks away from it all.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been with my fiancee for 8 years, we were each other's firsts for everything and have never dated other people. we always knew were going to get married and last year i proposed and the wedding was sent for january 2020. i've never been happier and whilst she wanted a big glitzy wedding i managed to convince her to have a small affair in scandinavia with family and close friends, then the money we saved can either go to a house deposit or our honeymoon. we were having a talk this weekend and she wanted us to get all our secrets and issues out of the way so we could start the new decade and marriage with a clean slate. i found this odd but decided to do it anyway as i didn't have much to confess. when we were at university we had a period of about a month where we weren't speaking, we had a massive argument and whilst i remember clearly that we hadn't broken up or "go on a break" we weren't speaking to each other. the argument started because she was getting close to some guy and she wanted to open our relationship. i was totally against it and she finally agreed with me but wouldn't speak to me. she confessed to me that during this 2 month period she went ahead with it anyway and in her words "it was a mistake and made me realise how much i loved you". i could understand if it had been one night, but for 2 months? no. i didn't know what to say so i just said "it's all in the past" and pretended everything was ok, but in reality i am very upset that she lied and hid this for too long and i have lost all love for her and any interest in marrying her. aita if i tell my parents what happened and then just ghost her and our friends? i don't want to deal with her trying to convince me to stay, i just want to walks away from it all. [/INST] esh. she screwed up big time and i don’t blame you for wanting to end things, but ywbta if you just ghosted her and disappeared. if you want to break things off, do it to her face. </s>
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AITA for not lifting a finger while my girlfriend clean the house?
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before i start i want to mention that i would’ve totally helped out if she asked but she didn’t ask me. and forgive me english is not really my first language.
anyway my girlfriend was cleaning the house today. she started early in the morning and i wasn’t awake when she started. today is my day off so i would really like to relax, i slept in today until 11am. i expected to wake up peacefully but not really i heard the vacuum very loudly but i just decided to ignore it. i put some headphones on and that was it. my girlfriend is coming in and out of the room to clean and i notice she is looking annoyed. well she walks in one last time and is all angy with me, and she starts complaining that she’s busting her has cleaning the whole house and that i don’t have the decency to lift a finger to help her. well i got really mad at that and i told her this is my day off and i simply want to enjoy it but instead i wake up to the vacuum running and now my girlfriend nagging me. i told her she could’ve asked me if she want help but it’s not my response lability. she got even more pissed and then left the house and now my mood is absolutely ruined. i just wanted a nice day off. aita for not lifting a finger to help her on my day off *even though she didn’t ask me???*
| 11,295
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyfze2/aita_for_not_lifting_a_finger_while_my_girlfriend/
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2019-09-01 21:40:32
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yta, 100% the thing is, nobody asked her to do it either. she shouldn't be needing to ask you to help her. you should do it out of yourself.
the house needs to be cleaned every once in a while, and it's both of you guys responsibility to clean it.
so many guys still think this way. "i would've helped if she asked." she shouldn't have to ask in the first place.
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yta. it is your responsibility as you also live in this house. adulthood is calling, friend. most of us don’t sleep until 11 on our days off.
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yta ffs. when you see your gf cleaning up around you, you dont need an invitation to help. this "she didn't ask for help" is the oldest cop out in the book for lazy a-holes. get out of bed (before 11!) and make yourself useful.
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yta- sounds like it was her day off too but she’s an adult and knows she needs to clean. she didn’t need to ask it should be expected
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>it’s not my response lability
it's not your responsibility? since when? she's not your servant. if this is your home, you're equally responsible for its upkeep. it's not a matter of being asked - it's maturity.
i certainly hope you're not implying that only women are supposed to maintain the household. you already get one yta for being lazy. i hope i don't have to award another for sexism.
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yta - she didn’t vacuum at 8am, 11am is a perfectly good time to do so. even if you weren’t wanting to get straight into cleaning right there and then simply asking if your girlfriend would like a hand cleaning would have been a great thing to do. more to the point, if both of you clean the house then you can have more time to enjoy a day off together...
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yta. totally. she shouldn’t need to ask you to clean, you live there too.
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yta. read this multiple times.
[https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/)
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yta and you know it - she shouldn't have to ask you, you should have helped her automatically.
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info: what do you usually do for the household and how are the adult responsibilities divided?
in other words, are you the money-earner while she's stay-at-home? do you usually take care of day-to-day stuff (cook, wash dishes, pick up at the end of the night) while she handles the larger weekly cleaning (scrubbing toilets, vacuuming)?
your post reads as if your so is your default maid without explanation as to how things got that way. assuming weekly cleaning is her division of labor, then expecting her asking you for help is completely reasonable.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: before i start i want to mention that i would’ve totally helped out if she asked but she didn’t ask me. and forgive me english is not really my first language. anyway my girlfriend was cleaning the house today. she started early in the morning and i wasn’t awake when she started. today is my day off so i would really like to relax, i slept in today until 11am. i expected to wake up peacefully but not really i heard the vacuum very loudly but i just decided to ignore it. i put some headphones on and that was it. my girlfriend is coming in and out of the room to clean and i notice she is looking annoyed. well she walks in one last time and is all angy with me, and she starts complaining that she’s busting her has cleaning the whole house and that i don’t have the decency to lift a finger to help her. well i got really mad at that and i told her this is my day off and i simply want to enjoy it but instead i wake up to the vacuum running and now my girlfriend nagging me. i told her she could’ve asked me if she want help but it’s not my response lability. she got even more pissed and then left the house and now my mood is absolutely ruined. i just wanted a nice day off. aita for not lifting a finger to help her on my day off *even though she didn’t ask me???*
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
before i start i want to mention that i would’ve totally helped out if she asked but she didn’t ask me. and forgive me english is not really my first language. anyway my girlfriend was cleaning the house today. she started early in the morning and i wasn’t awake when she started. today is my day off so i would really like to relax, i slept in today until 11am. i expected to wake up peacefully but not really i heard the vacuum very loudly but i just decided to ignore it. i put some headphones on and that was it. my girlfriend is coming in and out of the room to clean and i notice she is looking annoyed. well she walks in one last time and is all angy with me, and she starts complaining that she’s busting her has cleaning the whole house and that i don’t have the decency to lift a finger to help her. well i got really mad at that and i told her this is my day off and i simply want to enjoy it but instead i wake up to the vacuum running and now my girlfriend nagging me. i told her she could’ve asked me if she want help but it’s not my response lability. she got even more pissed and then left the house and now my mood is absolutely ruined. i just wanted a nice day off. aita for not lifting a finger to help her on my day off *even though she didn’t ask me???* [/INST] yta, 100% the thing is, nobody asked her to do it either. she shouldn't be needing to ask you to help her. you should do it out of yourself. the house needs to be cleaned every once in a while, and it's both of you guys responsibility to clean it. so many guys still think this way. "i would've helped if she asked." she shouldn't have to ask in the first place. </s>
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AITA for creating relationships with my biological extended family against the wishes of my biological father?
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my biological parents put me up for adoption when i was a baby. my biological mother has since passed away. it was a closed adoption.
when i turned 17, i was able to find and message my biological father and while he was polite, he said he didn't want anymore contact with me. so while i was hurt, i left it at that.
when i was 20, i was given an ancestry kit. through it, i was contacted by 4 members from my biological family. i told them the truth and they quickly figured out what my biological father had done.
this caused a pretty big storm in their family.
my biological father reached out to me and asked me to stay away from his family because it's caused issues in his marriage and with his relationship with his parents.
my biological extended family has since tried to include me in their family events and i may be the asshole here but i've accepted.
my own father has passed away and i'm estranged from my mother and i don't really have anyone else. i've been wanting a family connection.
but i've heard that this is blowing up my biological father's marriage and they no longer come to any family events.
the rest of my biological extended family has embraced me completely. it's been great creating all these relationships.
my biological father sent me a pretty angry text saying that i was an asshole for ruining his life. to his credit, he texted back a day later saying that he was inappropriate and we haven't communicated since.
aita?
| 2,029
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n0f2xz/aita_for_creating_relationships_with_my/
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2021-04-28 13:42:42
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nah - your bio father doesn't owe you a relationship, and isn't wrong to have said he doesn't want one, but at the same time you aren't obliged to pay attention to him saying you shouldn't contact his family (he is the ah for sending you the text but that wasn't what you asked)
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>my biological father reached out to me and asked me to stay away from his family because it's caused issues in his marriage and with his relationship with his parents.
why would it cause issues within his marriage? did he lie about fathering a child and placing that child for adoption? well, not your fault that he kept a rather important piece of information from the woman he chose to marry. it's not like you disappeared, you were just raised by other parents. did he really think that adoption meant you'd be gone forever?
>my biological extended family has since tried to include me in their family events and i may be the asshole here but i've accepted.
that's wonderful. you *should* accept since you feel ready, and i hope you enjoy your time with them.
>my biological father sent me a pretty angry text saying that i was an asshole for ruining his life.
so he's blaming the baby he created and then abandoned for "ruining his life?" no, sir, not how that works. if he doesn't want a relationship with you for his own personal reasons then fine, he's allowed to make that choice. but he does not get to make that decision for the rest of his family. they can make up their own minds, and you didn't even go out of your way to track them down. they found you. they want you in their lives. you have every right in the world to form those relationships and enjoy them, and if bio-father doesn't like it then he can just keep staying away.
nta.
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nta. he brought this on himself when he didn't come clean to his family about what he did with you. you and your biodad's extended family are your/their own people. you get to have a relationship with them no matter what.
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nta. your bio extended family has accepted you, what that does to your bio father's life is not your fault or responsibility. enjoy getting to know your new family.
out of curiosity, has your bio father's parents accepted you and they're upset with him only?
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nta they are *your* family, not just his, and you're all adults. this isn't his call. why should you be unappy and lonely and your family deprived of a relationship they want all just so this petty, selfish man can maintain his denial about his mistakes?
you didn't force him to conceive you. unless he was raped, this is his responsibility. his doing. caused by him. due to his actions. and one other person's, but definitely not yours. condoms existed 20 years ago. he doesn't get to blame *anything* on you.
he doesn't own your life or your family's. if his wife is disgusted enough by his behavior and/or lies to leave him, good for her.
you embrace the love and happiness you've found and deserve.
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yta. this is gonna be unpopular opinion but hear me out. closed adoptions are there for a reason.
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nta. your biological family reached out to you after you (and they) got an ancestry kit. the relationship is between you and him at this point. bio dad gets no say at this point.
his wishes were for you to stay away from him, and you’ve done that. he gets no say as to your relationship with the rest of the family
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honestly nah with a side of your bio father being an ah. he doesn't owe you a relationship, as shitty as that sounds, but he has no right in dictating to you whether or not you can have a relationship with the rest of your family. comments as well as your bio father have said "his family". the thing is that's your family too and if they will have you then it's that easy.
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i’m going with yta a bit. it’s unpopular but i’m sticking to it. this was a closed adoption and there are reasons behind that which only your biological father can speak on. clearly the family didn’t know about this, thus causing a huge rift in the family because they’re probably pissed about the adoption, but again that was your bio parents choice.
they’re picking you over him because of what he did and his marriage is know going down because i think and i’m just guessing here that he never told her about you. yes, i understand why you want more than just your mother. i just feel like you’re forcing yourself in and thus throwing your bio father out of the family because he put you up for a closed adoption which he had every right to do and you are causing this issue when he didn’t want to forge a relationship in the first place.
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nta, but this is a can of worms. see, your grandparents (or uncles/aunts, i assume) are willing to cut out your father to have a relationship with you. that is already problematic, because why are they mad at your dad? something from when you were born 20 years ago? why cut him off now, only when there is a replacement? he was shitty then, why not cut him off as soon as they found out?
these people will cut you off again if suits them, so beware of getting too familiar.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.193649
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my biological parents put me up for adoption when i was a baby. my biological mother has since passed away. it was a closed adoption. when i turned 17, i was able to find and message my biological father and while he was polite, he said he didn't want anymore contact with me. so while i was hurt, i left it at that. when i was 20, i was given an ancestry kit. through it, i was contacted by 4 members from my biological family. i told them the truth and they quickly figured out what my biological father had done. this caused a pretty big storm in their family. my biological father reached out to me and asked me to stay away from his family because it's caused issues in his marriage and with his relationship with his parents. my biological extended family has since tried to include me in their family events and i may be the asshole here but i've accepted. my own father has passed away and i'm estranged from my mother and i don't really have anyone else. i've been wanting a family connection. but i've heard that this is blowing up my biological father's marriage and they no longer come to any family events. the rest of my biological extended family has embraced me completely. it's been great creating all these relationships. my biological father sent me a pretty angry text saying that i was an asshole for ruining his life. to his credit, he texted back a day later saying that he was inappropriate and we haven't communicated since. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my biological parents put me up for adoption when i was a baby. my biological mother has since passed away. it was a closed adoption. when i turned 17, i was able to find and message my biological father and while he was polite, he said he didn't want anymore contact with me. so while i was hurt, i left it at that. when i was 20, i was given an ancestry kit. through it, i was contacted by 4 members from my biological family. i told them the truth and they quickly figured out what my biological father had done. this caused a pretty big storm in their family. my biological father reached out to me and asked me to stay away from his family because it's caused issues in his marriage and with his relationship with his parents. my biological extended family has since tried to include me in their family events and i may be the asshole here but i've accepted. my own father has passed away and i'm estranged from my mother and i don't really have anyone else. i've been wanting a family connection. but i've heard that this is blowing up my biological father's marriage and they no longer come to any family events. the rest of my biological extended family has embraced me completely. it's been great creating all these relationships. my biological father sent me a pretty angry text saying that i was an asshole for ruining his life. to his credit, he texted back a day later saying that he was inappropriate and we haven't communicated since. aita? [/INST] nah - your bio father doesn't owe you a relationship, and isn't wrong to have said he doesn't want one, but at the same time you aren't obliged to pay attention to him saying you shouldn't contact his family (he is the ah for sending you the text but that wasn't what you asked) </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?
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i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.
what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come.
i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.
her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen."
i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm.
with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent?
she said she assumed she would be living at home.
i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own.
this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc.
i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself.
aita?
**
| 27,377
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iunsyq/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_i_absolutely_do/
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2020-09-17 17:11:58
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nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that.
her entitlement is astounding.
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nta. listen to me please, this is a recipe for her to be in an abusive relationship.
i was a sahm (step kid). i had no money of my own and no support system. he was physically, sexually, emotionally, and financially abusive.
when i left after he raped me i had a trash bag of stuff on my back and no where to go. i had $150 that i had hidden from him by not paying the bills that month.
she needs to be self sufficient. she needs her own money. she needs a way out if her husband hits her. i met so many women at the domestic violence shelter i was in who did not have a penny to their names when they escaped their abuser.
even encouraging her to get an early childhood development degree to help her become a better mother would be good. a job in a daycare. something to help her not be reliant on someone else.
but teach her the red flags of relationships. teach her about gaslighting, love bombing, and other manipulation techniques abusers use to get their victims under their control.
show her [the hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/) and [love is respect ](https://www.loveisrespect.org)
if so much of her life plan is dependent on another person she needs to vet them well. but at the beginning of any relationship, especially abusive ones, everything looks golden and rosy. she should always have a way out.
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nta. in high school, i also wanted to be a sahm. unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me. i’m 33, single, and childless. sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok. she really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a sahm.
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nta, she is being delusional. you are being perfectly reasonable.
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i'd strongly steer her toward culinary arts and the hospitality industry. many of those skills transfer over to being a good sahm. then, even if the husband and kids thing doesn't happen right away, she'd have a means of support while improving the skills, at least.
i'm a stay- at home mom 5 days a week, i work the front desk at a local hotel on weekends. it's the easiest job i've ever had. and it's very similar to what i do at home. vacuum and clean the lobby, get stuff ready for breakfast, and soothe tantrums of tired people. i barely needed any training lol.
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nta i'll admit i was ready to say you were the asshole being a stay at home wife myself. there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can't be her only option. that's how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependant on your partner to survive. i may not have a college degree but i do have experience in sales and tech support and if i needed out i could do it. also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled. sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.
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nta at all. your daughter's path in life is totally unreasonable. i think the guidelines you have set up for her are totally reasonable. it almost sounds like she wants to be a freeloader more than a sahm. she should have some experience, whether it's college or a small job, to help set her up for success
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nta.
she needs a back up plan because she's setting herself up for financial abuse and so on. i'm assuming from what you've said she doesn't currently have a boyfriend or fiance, so can i ask where she thinks she's going to meet this future husband if she doesn't work or do evening classes or any of the things you do to get out of the damn house and meet people? her plan is gross, imo, she doesn't want a "happy marriage," she wants someone to pay for all her stuff so she never has to be independent. the fact she activity wants to marry military shows how irrelevant the husband actually is in her plans - she is going for the option where her partner will be around the home least! plus, military guys are wise to this sort of thing - maybe tell her to look up the term "dependa" so she can see just how little respect women who marry military just to say they have/to get the benefits get from people (please note i don't condone any of the stuff people say about so called "dependas" but that is sadly the reality of what she would be facing in her plan).
i don't really think many men would find "yeah so i'm never going to work, we have to get married asap, and i'll have a couple of kids in return for you making all the money" an attractive prospect on a first date - and any man who does should probably be avoided anyway as he won't want a wife, he wants a slave.
regardless of *any* of these things, your daughter needs skills. she needs to be able to provide for herself. she needs to see herself as an independent person, not just an extension of her parents and potential husband. you're right - what if the husband dies, or cheats on her, or turns out to be an abusive person? what can she then fall back on to support her future children?
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nta. being a stay at home mom is fine but requires a kid first
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info: how old is your kid? are you arguing with someone who's near graduating highschool or like a 13 year old who just wants to stay home and do nil all day?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? ** [/INST] nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that. her entitlement is astounding. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my mom when she acted like nothing happened after my dad cheated?
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my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened.
my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon.
i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore.
a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down.
i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita?
my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early.
i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday)
| 8,784
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qpny6l/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_when_she_acted_like/
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2021-11-08 21:40:12
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yta. hear me out. your parents may be swingers, or have an open relationship. you don't know. please cool off. apologize to your mom for yelling at her, then calmly ask "so what's going on?" listen with an open mind.
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yta
it sounds like you dont actually know anything. you told your mom what you saw, so trust she handled it. there may be an explanation, seeing as a kiss on the cheek is nothing. your parents could have an open relationship. maybe your mom cheated first so your dad gets a hallpass. there could be many explanations so if your mom doesn't seem mad or bothered by it, then butt-out of their marriage. it has nothing to do with you.
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esh. it sounds like your mom and dad have an understanding that you know nothing about. but i think since you've caught your dad in a situation that you were clearly not meant to see, it's your parents responsibility to have a conversation with you about it so you're not entirely kept in the dark, especially because this is emotionally effecting you.
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nta op.
to all the people voting y-t-a, i'm sorry, but your views on *"what is and isn't her business"* is completely screwed. now, i'm not saying the parents should sit her down and explain every detail of their marriage. what they **should** do however, is if they have an open relationship like some of you are assuming, is sit her down and explain that to her.
expecting a 14-year-old to just drop this because, *"it's none of her business,"* is a messed up way of viewing it. it is her business, because, guess what? kids are definitely a part of your marriage/relationship if you have them.
if they were keeping this a secret and doing their best to hide it from their kids, fine. but it's no longer hidden, and this is doing more damage to op than good by ignoring it. kids tend to look up to their parents for examples of healthy, and unfortunately, unhealthy relationships.
the parents need to step up and **parent** instead of ignoring op's worries and feelings on this. if mom just wants to ignore it and not confront dad on his cheating, then she should tell her daughter such. if mom and dad have an open relationship, then now that op is in on the secret, she needs to be told **something**.
ignoring this isn't healthy for op's development, nor mental health.
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yta. you told your mom and now it is between her and your dad. stay out of their marriage. they are things going on that you don't know about and have no business prying into.
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i’m not judging a confused child.
what i will say is at 14 i do think you are old enough to have a general sense of what’s going on. you saw something that made you uncomfortable and no one has helped you understand or process it. and if your parents do end up divorcing, that is a choice that effects you. i don’t blame you for wanting information, and i think both your parents could being handling this better.
i think you owe your mom an apology, and that would a great time to approach this in a more honest way.
“mom, i’m sorry i lashed out at you. what i saw really upset me and i don’t know what’s going on. i don’t need to know the details, but i am ready to hear what you wanted to tell me.”
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yta. she doesn't have to handle this according to how you see fit. you're 14 so you may not have realized this yet, but life isn't the movies. people deal differently.
&#x200b;
or perhaps she's okay with it in an open relationship sense and she does not want to explain it to you.
&#x200b;
you need to back off.
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nta everyone on here saying yta i guess has absolutely no sympathy for you in this situation. it is your business the second that they brought it into the house which is your home too. this kid is 14 years old they have every right to have these questions on why the fuck daddy is kissing on someone who isn’t mommy in the kitchen. this is a lot of feelings to deal with as a kid. they are ta for not explaining the situation of what’s going on to their child (if it is an open relationship) before bringing it home… i don’t know why everyone is raving about the parents privacy here? wtf is wrong with you all? think of how traumatic this could be for op which it seems like it is… again this kid is 14
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fucking a, the lack of empathy in here is astounding.
this kid's world has imploded multiple times in days. she's obviously been raised in a stereotypical "nuclear family" and been taught to stand up for herself.
first she finds her dad in a compromising situation, informs her mother about it and finds out 1. her mother obviously knows about it and 2. she's obviously not that concerned about it. how could she not feel betrayed at this point? her dad's a cheater and her mother is condoning it in one way or another by not getting upset about it. she throws her mother's lack of concern back in her face and the seemingly obvious betrayal of her mother's beliefs "to stand up for herself". then she gets patronising "we'll talk when you calm down" and they leave her hanging for days.
so she comes on here and everyone jumps to the conclusion (which may be correct, but wouldn't be obvious to most 14 yo as even a possibility) that her parents are swingers or have an open marriage, and it seems her brother already knew. the gleeful belittling and minimising of this child's trauma in this thread is something i hope people will look back on in shame.
"we did it again reddit"
congratulations, you all successfully shat upon a traumatized 14 year old girl. i hope this was all a writing exercise, but only for op's sake.
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nta
i genuinely dont understand the comments stating y-t-a
absolutely 100% if ops parents are in an opened relationship or poly or whatever, they have to tell their children and 14 is definitely old enough to say "hey, your dad and i love eachother and are married, but we still see other people and this is okay for us."
op found their dad, in what appeared to be a cheating situation to them, in their house.
what if they saw one of their parents doing this in public with a group of friends or something? as parents when you are doing things that have the opportunity to affect your child, physically or emotionally, yes absolutely you have to tell them. op is handling this like any 14 year old would. they are not an adult, and they are barely a teenager. obviously to them this is not just hurtful to their image of their family that they have had since they were a baby, as well as confusing and frustrating.
(edited for judgement)
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YTA
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YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.61614
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened. my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon. i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore. a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down. i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita? my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early. i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened. my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon. i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore. a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down. i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita? my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early. i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday) [/INST] yta. hear me out. your parents may be swingers, or have an open relationship. you don't know. please cool off. apologize to your mom for yelling at her, then calmly ask "so what's going on?" listen with an open mind. </s>
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AITA for making breakfast way before my kids wake up?
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usually on weekends my husband and i make more elaborate breakfasts compared to weekdays when it’s like cereal/fruit to-go. recently my kids (14m, 16f) have been complaining that by the time they wake up the food is cold and unappealing. my husband and i wake up at 5am and after our morning jog and breakfast prep, everything is usually hot and ready to eat at like 7am. my kids wake up at 9am. i told them to either wake up early or suck it up and eat cold/microwaved pancakes or casserole.
they say i’m in the wrong. i personally like to get the cooking done early on so i can start my house chores and don’t like to on an empty stomach. i don’t care when they wake up on the weekends, it’s just an inconvenience for me on top of my already long list of chores/responsibilities i need to complete that day, to wait until they do get up. it’s a favor in the first place and i don’t think they have a right to make a fuss about it, they’re free to remake it themselves when they get up. aita?
info: sorry at work, but to answer a popular question. i don’t leave aside extra cold food to shame them or force them to eat it. they still want to eat the leftover food over cereal etc, but want me to make it later so it’s fresh and hot.
| 5,554
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7pltt/aita_for_making_breakfast_way_before_my_kids_wake/
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2022-01-19 12:59:22
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info needed: can your 14 and 16 year old not make their own warm breakfast when they wake up?
is your kitchen infested by vicious sharks trained to attack anyone but you?
is your oven wired to self-destruct unless a precise code is entered using the temperature settings? perhaps it is fingerprint enabled?
is there some kind of sorcery at work that does not let them in the kitchen? like, does gandalf stand at the threshold declaring, "you shall not pass!" if anyone under the age of 21 approaches the toaster?
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this is an interesting one.
you are doing a favour by making them a nice breakfast. you also have other tasks at hand that eat up your time.
the question i have is this: is their wake up schedule consistent on the weekends? is it always 9am ish?
if so, why make food they know will just go cold or go to waste? is it because you want to encourage them to wake up earlier on weekends? is it because they ask or expect you to make them breakfast on the weekends?
i suppose there’s nah based on what information is here.
your kids aren’t terrible for not wanting food to go to waste or be cold. you aren’t terrible for wanting to save your time and effort.
i’d probably stop cooking for them. they’re in their teens and should be able to sufficiently make their own breakfast.
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i'm torn here. i get your logic, but it almost comes off as if you're punishing your teens for sleeping in until 9 (which isn't even that late), when the reality is that they need the extra sleep. your teens shouldn't expect you to make breakfast for them, but on the other hand, wouldn't it be nice to set aside one morning, like sunday, to have a later breakfast with the whole family? that way they could even help and it could maybe become a nice new family tradition?
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info: why can't you just not cook some of the pancakes so they can make it for themselves? the batter will last 2 hours in the fridge and microwaved pancakes are nasty
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unless you've banned your kids from making their own toast and cereal, or raised them to be totally incompetent at feeding themselves breakfast, nta.
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nah i'm an early bird too. but i get both sides. we compromise. my daughter works hard at school and has to be at school really early. friday evening we make plans. if she doesn't want to get up early, my husband an i eat alone. she makes her breakfast when she wakes up. somedays we agree to eat later and somedays she gets up early en we do the elaborat breakfast.
that said...you're not a hotel. your kids know the rules and they can adept to the rules if they don't want a cold braekfast. recently my daughter got up earlier than me and she made me and my hasband a graet breakfast. just to show appreciation.
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info: what’s the goal of breakfast for you?
if it’s just to make yourself some food and you make extra for your kids, n t a and stop making extra.
but if it’s to have a nice breakfast together, it does seem to make more sense to eat something small earlier and have your big meal when everyone is awake.
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i was torn on this until the end when i read “it’s a favor in the first place….”
op, as a parent who chose to bring children into this world, preparing food for them to eat isn’t a “favor”, it’s, quite literally, your job. you chose to have them and you chose to be responsible for them at least until they are 18.
science has shown that teenagers often have a different circadian rhythm than adults, meaning they stay up later at night and sleep in later in the morning. you’re essentially punishing them for biology outside of their control. kids today are already crunched into so much activity, letting them sleep in on the weekend shouldn’t mean they get punished as a result.
to be clear: you are not “doing them a favor” by making them food, you are doing your job of providing nutritious sustenance for your offspring. your attitude towards parenting, from what we can see here, i find disturbing. parents shouldn’t treat their children like their basic care is some great favor the children then owe the parents for. that isn’t healthy parenting and will breed resentment in your children for wondering why you bothered to have them if you’re going to complain so much about their basic care needs.
that being said, yta - but only because you seem to think making your children breakfast is a “favor” and all the red flags that implies.
edit to add: lol at all the adults who replied to me to either:
a. tell on themselves as neglectful parents.
or
b. use their neglected childhood as a reason for this to be okay.
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i would never bother to get up for breakfast at 7:00am on my days off.
9:00am isn’t even too late of a time for teenagers to get out of bed.
if you want to make yourself breakfast at 7:00am, fine, but don’t pretend you’re doing them a favor.
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easy. make your own breakfast at a time convenient for you and they can make theirs when they get up.
stop making their breakfast if you know they are not there to eat it. it's like your punishing them!
esh.
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INFO
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NAH
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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YTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.512368
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: usually on weekends my husband and i make more elaborate breakfasts compared to weekdays when it’s like cereal/fruit to-go. recently my kids (14m, 16f) have been complaining that by the time they wake up the food is cold and unappealing. my husband and i wake up at 5am and after our morning jog and breakfast prep, everything is usually hot and ready to eat at like 7am. my kids wake up at 9am. i told them to either wake up early or suck it up and eat cold/microwaved pancakes or casserole. they say i’m in the wrong. i personally like to get the cooking done early on so i can start my house chores and don’t like to on an empty stomach. i don’t care when they wake up on the weekends, it’s just an inconvenience for me on top of my already long list of chores/responsibilities i need to complete that day, to wait until they do get up. it’s a favor in the first place and i don’t think they have a right to make a fuss about it, they’re free to remake it themselves when they get up. aita? info: sorry at work, but to answer a popular question. i don’t leave aside extra cold food to shame them or force them to eat it. they still want to eat the leftover food over cereal etc, but want me to make it later so it’s fresh and hot.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
usually on weekends my husband and i make more elaborate breakfasts compared to weekdays when it’s like cereal/fruit to-go. recently my kids (14m, 16f) have been complaining that by the time they wake up the food is cold and unappealing. my husband and i wake up at 5am and after our morning jog and breakfast prep, everything is usually hot and ready to eat at like 7am. my kids wake up at 9am. i told them to either wake up early or suck it up and eat cold/microwaved pancakes or casserole. they say i’m in the wrong. i personally like to get the cooking done early on so i can start my house chores and don’t like to on an empty stomach. i don’t care when they wake up on the weekends, it’s just an inconvenience for me on top of my already long list of chores/responsibilities i need to complete that day, to wait until they do get up. it’s a favor in the first place and i don’t think they have a right to make a fuss about it, they’re free to remake it themselves when they get up. aita? info: sorry at work, but to answer a popular question. i don’t leave aside extra cold food to shame them or force them to eat it. they still want to eat the leftover food over cereal etc, but want me to make it later so it’s fresh and hot. [/INST] info needed: can your 14 and 16 year old not make their own warm breakfast when they wake up? is your kitchen infested by vicious sharks trained to attack anyone but you? is your oven wired to self-destruct unless a precise code is entered using the temperature settings? perhaps it is fingerprint enabled? is there some kind of sorcery at work that does not let them in the kitchen? like, does gandalf stand at the threshold declaring, "you shall not pass!" if anyone under the age of 21 approaches the toaster? </s>
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AITA for giving up on bonding with my step kids?
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i realised that step-parents can’t win no matter how hard we try so i just decided to give up trying treating them as my kids and since every seems to think i’m ta i’d like to get some unbiased points of views.
i (32m) live together with my fiancé john (36m). john has 3 kids from a previous relationship with his ex (7f, 9m, 11m) we have them on weekends while they stay the whole week with their mom.
i was the kids’ swimming coach (as an extra job i do for fun) and every weekend their dad drove them to the pool, that’s where we met, we started flirting and the he finally asked me out so we started dating. the kids and i had a good relationship prior dating their dad.
it’s been 1.5 years since their dad and i started seeing each other and every time they are here, they make sure i know they hate me so much, no matter how hard i’ve tried to fix the damage we caused by treating them like my own kids, cooking breakfast for them whenever they are here, buying them stuffs, finding out what their favourite things are to talk about them but nothing seems to work. they got to point of asking their mom to list them in another swimming club, i just quit and they stayed, i did it for their sake.
i decide to give up because it’s exhausting being rejected over and over again. i’ll be cordial whenever they get here but nothing else no more cooking, no more gifts, no more anything just a step dad (this doesn’t mean i’ll be mean)
john is planning a family trip with them and me, for us to bond, it’ll be to the beach so i “help them” with few lessons and according to john that’s how “we bond” but this wouldn’t be the first time we try a pool, water park or the beach to “bond" and it doesn’t work so i told john that i’ll go but he should expect me to ask them to do things us four together, i told him that he shouldn’t suggest any kind of bonding activities that just involve the kids and me, i’m open to play some games but only if it includes the five of us because when their dad is playing they usually ignore me but don’t act rude.
john says he is disappointed i’m not trying harder; i asked my friends about it and they say i’m ta because i somehow owe this to the kids, and it’s my responsibility to fix things, i get where they are coming from and i know why the kids hate and and i know i’m the adult here but it sucks being rejected over and over again. .
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wblyd5/aita_for_giving_up_on_bonding_with_my_step_kids/
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2022-07-30 02:01:38
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info
> fix the damage we caused
wait.
fix *what*?
> every weekend their dad drove them to the pool, that’s where we met, **we started flirting**
was he married to their mother **at the time**, or had they already split?
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yta
>it’s been 1.5 years since their dad and i started seeing each other and every time they are here, they make sure i know they hate me so much, no matter how hard i’ve tried to fix the damage we caused
so his dad cheated with you and then divorced their mom?!?!
they are always going to hate you. your bf should be content with the kids not hating him (yet, at least)
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yta. they are young children and you were a trusted individual in their life. their dad, that’s married to their mom, leaves her and is now marrying a man and trusted swim coach. can you not see how confusing and hard this is for them? you need to show consistent respect and care for them when they are in your home. if you give up so soon after throwing their life into absolute turmoil, you will never have any kind of relationship with them and it will most likely end your relationship with their dad. you all need to consider family therapy.
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i am guessing your husband was still married when this flirting started.
all i read is me me me.
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[deleted]
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info: were the kids' parents still married when you and their dad started flirting?
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yta. sounds like you were the other man in their marriage. now that their parents are no longer together, the kids don’t want to accept you. instead of working on it, you’re giving up.
how are you n t a in this situation?
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wow dude you are in for a *long* marriage if you think you can just ignore his kids.
and by long, i mean it will feel long. the actual length will be quite short.
yta.
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yta
this reads like you were the affair partner of the dad. if so then you're definitely ta. of course the kids would hate you because you're a constant reminder of their parents failed marriage.
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yta
this reads like you and dad started your flirting while he was still married to the kids' mom. if that's true, you're definitely the ah for deciding you're just gonna be cold to the kids now. it takes longer than a year and a half for kids that age (any age, but especially those ages) to adjust to a new family dynamic, let alone heal from the trauma of a family breakup.
if i'm wrong in assuming the infidelity, feel free to correct me. but even if you didn't have an affair with the married dad of your students, you are the adult here and you need to be fully on board with being a positive, nurturing presence in your step kids' lives, no matter what their attitude towards you is. and if you're always around when your boyfriend has his parenting time, you may also need to step back and talk to your partner about ensuring that his young children are getting enough time alone with him.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i realised that step-parents can’t win no matter how hard we try so i just decided to give up trying treating them as my kids and since every seems to think i’m ta i’d like to get some unbiased points of views. i (32m) live together with my fiancé john (36m). john has 3 kids from a previous relationship with his ex (7f, 9m, 11m) we have them on weekends while they stay the whole week with their mom. i was the kids’ swimming coach (as an extra job i do for fun) and every weekend their dad drove them to the pool, that’s where we met, we started flirting and the he finally asked me out so we started dating. the kids and i had a good relationship prior dating their dad. it’s been 1.5 years since their dad and i started seeing each other and every time they are here, they make sure i know they hate me so much, no matter how hard i’ve tried to fix the damage we caused by treating them like my own kids, cooking breakfast for them whenever they are here, buying them stuffs, finding out what their favourite things are to talk about them but nothing seems to work. they got to point of asking their mom to list them in another swimming club, i just quit and they stayed, i did it for their sake. i decide to give up because it’s exhausting being rejected over and over again. i’ll be cordial whenever they get here but nothing else no more cooking, no more gifts, no more anything just a step dad (this doesn’t mean i’ll be mean) john is planning a family trip with them and me, for us to bond, it’ll be to the beach so i “help them” with few lessons and according to john that’s how “we bond” but this wouldn’t be the first time we try a pool, water park or the beach to “bond" and it doesn’t work so i told john that i’ll go but he should expect me to ask them to do things us four together, i told him that he shouldn’t suggest any kind of bonding activities that just involve the kids and me, i’m open to play some games but only if it includes the five of us because when their dad is playing they usually ignore me but don’t act rude. john says he is disappointed i’m not trying harder; i asked my friends about it and they say i’m ta because i somehow owe this to the kids, and it’s my responsibility to fix things, i get where they are coming from and i know why the kids hate and and i know i’m the adult here but it sucks being rejected over and over again. .
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i realised that step-parents can’t win no matter how hard we try so i just decided to give up trying treating them as my kids and since every seems to think i’m ta i’d like to get some unbiased points of views. i (32m) live together with my fiancé john (36m). john has 3 kids from a previous relationship with his ex (7f, 9m, 11m) we have them on weekends while they stay the whole week with their mom. i was the kids’ swimming coach (as an extra job i do for fun) and every weekend their dad drove them to the pool, that’s where we met, we started flirting and the he finally asked me out so we started dating. the kids and i had a good relationship prior dating their dad. it’s been 1.5 years since their dad and i started seeing each other and every time they are here, they make sure i know they hate me so much, no matter how hard i’ve tried to fix the damage we caused by treating them like my own kids, cooking breakfast for them whenever they are here, buying them stuffs, finding out what their favourite things are to talk about them but nothing seems to work. they got to point of asking their mom to list them in another swimming club, i just quit and they stayed, i did it for their sake. i decide to give up because it’s exhausting being rejected over and over again. i’ll be cordial whenever they get here but nothing else no more cooking, no more gifts, no more anything just a step dad (this doesn’t mean i’ll be mean) john is planning a family trip with them and me, for us to bond, it’ll be to the beach so i “help them” with few lessons and according to john that’s how “we bond” but this wouldn’t be the first time we try a pool, water park or the beach to “bond" and it doesn’t work so i told john that i’ll go but he should expect me to ask them to do things us four together, i told him that he shouldn’t suggest any kind of bonding activities that just involve the kids and me, i’m open to play some games but only if it includes the five of us because when their dad is playing they usually ignore me but don’t act rude. john says he is disappointed i’m not trying harder; i asked my friends about it and they say i’m ta because i somehow owe this to the kids, and it’s my responsibility to fix things, i get where they are coming from and i know why the kids hate and and i know i’m the adult here but it sucks being rejected over and over again. . [/INST] info > fix the damage we caused wait. fix *what*? > every weekend their dad drove them to the pool, that’s where we met, **we started flirting** was he married to their mother **at the time**, or had they already split? </s>
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AITA for doing weird/awkward poses whenever my MIL "accidently" walks in on me in the bathroom?
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so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas.
the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week.
she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!.
we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5.
so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.
edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
| 36,942
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3jp34/aita_for_doing_weirdawkward_poses_whenever_my_mil/
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2022-11-24 13:16:12
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nta.
you went the funny way and that's dope.
your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in?
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wait....
so he's mad at you because she barges in on you in the bathroom... in your home... that she is a guest in?
but-
gets mad at you for weirding her out and causing her 'grief'?
what 😂😂😂 um. it's her fault. she should be knocking and not acting like no one lives there and it's her own house.
girl. go get some jelly. red if you can. and smother it on your face and when she walks in. eat it like a caveman. then when your husband asks.... you was stress eating. 😂😂
nta.
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humor her
stop posing, but look at your watch seriously while facing the door like you’re waiting for a kid after curfew.
then sigh disappointedly and shake your head “14 seconds mil. that’s terrible. you will need to do better”
alternatively- shove a towel under the door
nta
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tell them your ritual is to summon mil to the bathroom and it's working every time. nta
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nta. who opens a closed bathroom door? your mil is such an asshole. this is the weirdest power play to continually walk in on you in the bathroom. your next pose should be facing the door giving her two middle fingers
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walking in on somebody doing a ballet pose in the bathroom is "terrifying", but barging in on your dil and making eye contact while she squeezes out a dookie after being told repeatedly not to barge into the bathroom is normal behaviour?
getting real sick of these spineless partners who can't stand up to their moms.
nta.
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nta. i would just wait with my phone and take a picture of her as she barges in. post it on fb with “mil walking in on me in the bathroom again lol!” “i don’t know, she just always does it!”
keep it light. you don’t have to shame her. others will.
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nta. your hubby is full of crap! that's an inventive and humorous way of dealing with his creeper of a mother. you're all adults. most adults know when the bathroom door is shut not to go in!
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nta, although you really might want to go to therapy about the no locks thing, because this situation would have been *infinitely* simpler if you could've just done that. nonetheless, your mil needs to learn to knock. more importantly, your *husband* needs to quit making excuses for why mil hasn't started knocking yet and tell her to quit barging in on you if she doesn't want to see things she isn't supposed to see.
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this is a great funny type of revenge you gave me a good chuckly
you are nta
however maybe you should get therapy about locking a door, not just for this but at least you can put issues behind you then
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol. [/INST] nta. you went the funny way and that's dope. your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in? </s>
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AITA for throwing out my mom after she threw out my weed?
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throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account.
so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me.
i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it.
at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect.
the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment.
well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago.
anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away.
she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.
| 31,402
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hm9j4o/aita_for_throwing_out_my_mom_after_she_threw_out/
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2020-07-06 15:18:25
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nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it.
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nta- your house, your rules. if she can’t follow the rules, she gotta go! good for you for setting boundaries.
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nta. that's medical, no different than the pills people have to take everyday and is often the less addictive alternative to harsh medication. sounds like she doesn't take your medical health seriously and has zero respect for you as an adult in your own house who lent her a hand in trying times.
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nta some parents truly don't understand that they can't dictate their adult children's lives and it's hard. your family will probably treat you like you're the ah but just know that you're not
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nta. as a medical cannabis patient myself, i would be equally as mad if my own mother had thrown out my medicine. that’s the biggest part i think people don’t get really, that for a medical patient it’s medicine. if a chronic pain patient was on opioids every day simply to be able to get up and move you wouldn’t flush their pills down the toilet and call them a junkie. cannabis isn’t even capable of causing physical dependence, and the worst withdrawal symptoms are all psychological. you used your own hard earned money to pay for your medicine and she came in and threw it out because of a social stigma she learned when she was a kid. i’ll be so glad when all the boomers give up the whole “reefer madness” bullshit. i live in a legal state and i still deal with people treating cannabis like hard drug that only ne’er do well’s use. shit has me blew.
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nta, throw her doctor prescribed medications down the toilet and tell her that’s exactly what she did to you 😂
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nta, you warned her about it and she still moved in. i think she is a manipulator becuase of how she went about doing what she did.
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nta it's no different if she tossed your prescription down the toilet just because it's " it's not needed" or she thinks your addicted. she may be your mother but it doesn't make her a medical professional.
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even if it wasn’t medical or legal, it’s your house. you are not a child and it is not her home to make rules in. nta.
just wait until she tries to lay down some law at your brother’s house and you’ll see if you’re still the asshole with him.
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nta. it doesn’t matter that it was weed - she damaged your belongings. hope your brother hides his fun stuff before your mom gets to his place.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now. [/INST] nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister it's ridiculous to divorce someone who gave her a fake ring?
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i (23f) have an older sister (29f) who is married to my bil. my bil seems to genuinely love her and they have never shown a sign of a failing relationship. that was of course until yesterday when my sister phoned me while crying heavily.
i asked her what was wrong and she told me her friend who was a jeweler was suspicious of the ring my bil gave to her, and urged her to confirm the material of the ring. my sister continued and told me that the results showed that the ring was not made from diamond, but in fact moissanite. she told me she didn't tell her husband yet, but she is considering a divorce because she thought that my bil didn't really love her even though he supposedly had enough money (i don't know how much money he has so as of now i can't really confirm if he did or did not have the money)
i told her it was pretty ridiculous to only divorce my bil just because he bought her a fake ring. she sarcastically told me something along the lines of "thanks for being so helpful" before hanging up. i get she was in an emotional moment, but love shouldn't revolve around a ring.
aita?
| 4,639
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wm667c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_its_ridiculous_to/
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2022-08-11 23:54:35
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info: do you know if he actually lied to her about what the ring was made of? moissanite is not fake, engagements ring in that material still cost at least nine hundred dollars, so i would say n t a if she made an assumption that it was diamond, but y t a if he had convinced her it was diamond.
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nta.
what if bil was scammed? what if even him didn’t know it weren’t real diamonds?
sister should talk to her husband before jumping to any conclusions, since that is such an important topic to her.
but, just between us? seems immature to measure love only by the stones on your ring. maybe sister and bil are having problems you don’t know about, and this was just her last straw?
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she needs to ascertain that he was not, himself, lied to. your bil is not a jeweler, after all. because it's not really about the ring, it's about the potential *lie.* a ring is important symbolism for a lot of people (and not for others, and that's fine, too), so lies about something like that can hurt *far* beyond merely any material impact.
yta. this warrants her having a conversation with her husband before making any firm decisions, but she's not "ridiculous" for being quite upset in the moment.
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i don't think that the issue is whether the ring is real or fake. i think that the issue is whether or not he lied to her.
yta for failing to understand.
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info: had he told her the ring was diamond?
if so, the dishonesty is a serious issue and she’s not being ridiculous at all.
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nta. the jeweler friend is a real ahole. everything was fine, she liked her ring, but he had to interfere.
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yta. based on your comments, your bil told your sister that he proposed with a diamond ring worth well over $1,000. fyi $1,000 is basically nothing when it comes to diamonds.
but she just found out her husband lied to her when he proposed and tried to trick her. you could have had some empathy.
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yta. i don’t care about jewelry like that but i’d be pretty pissed off if i found out my partner had decided to kick off our marriage by lying to me. it might not be a deal breaker for you but as you have said, you don’t know their situation. you don’t know what conversations they may have had around the ring or what other things may be at play but i guarantee, if there are other things going on in her marriage, your sister will not tell you them now.
in the future, especially in emotionally charged situations, make sure to ask someone if they’re venting or looking for feedback before you say anything.
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admittedly, a lot of these comments are kind of getting me heated. it’s not about the material of the ring; it’s about the lie. she obviously thought it was a diamond and wether he let her think that and didn’t correct her versus outright telling her yes it’s a diamond, that is still a lie. it doesn’t matter wether or not you personally would be okay with this, or are okay with moissanite versus diamond or whatever else. personally, i knew i wanted a slightly larger stone but i could give two shits if it’s diamond and i have a moissanite ring too. but i knew that and specifically asked for it. op’s sister legit thought she had a diamond ring and spent who knows how long showing it off and raving about it (probably) only to find out otherwise *because she was lied to.* and she’s still upset, let’s not forget about that. she might decide it’s not the end of the relationship once she calms down. but that won’t happen if everyone keeps telling her it’s not a big deal while she’s pissed off.
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nah. i think you are right, and divorce is going nuclear completely unnecessarily. but she has reason to be upset, and you could have been a little more understanding.
and to anyone who is saying she is just shallow, i think you are missing the point a little bit. if he had told her he couldn’t afford a diamond, and she had refused to marry him because of it, she would be shallow. unless he was somehow tricked, this man gave her a fake diamond with the clear intention of allowing her to make the natural assumption that it was real. i think anyone who does that has some answering to do.
|
INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.567012
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23f) have an older sister (29f) who is married to my bil. my bil seems to genuinely love her and they have never shown a sign of a failing relationship. that was of course until yesterday when my sister phoned me while crying heavily. i asked her what was wrong and she told me her friend who was a jeweler was suspicious of the ring my bil gave to her, and urged her to confirm the material of the ring. my sister continued and told me that the results showed that the ring was not made from diamond, but in fact moissanite. she told me she didn't tell her husband yet, but she is considering a divorce because she thought that my bil didn't really love her even though he supposedly had enough money (i don't know how much money he has so as of now i can't really confirm if he did or did not have the money) i told her it was pretty ridiculous to only divorce my bil just because he bought her a fake ring. she sarcastically told me something along the lines of "thanks for being so helpful" before hanging up. i get she was in an emotional moment, but love shouldn't revolve around a ring. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) have an older sister (29f) who is married to my bil. my bil seems to genuinely love her and they have never shown a sign of a failing relationship. that was of course until yesterday when my sister phoned me while crying heavily. i asked her what was wrong and she told me her friend who was a jeweler was suspicious of the ring my bil gave to her, and urged her to confirm the material of the ring. my sister continued and told me that the results showed that the ring was not made from diamond, but in fact moissanite. she told me she didn't tell her husband yet, but she is considering a divorce because she thought that my bil didn't really love her even though he supposedly had enough money (i don't know how much money he has so as of now i can't really confirm if he did or did not have the money) i told her it was pretty ridiculous to only divorce my bil just because he bought her a fake ring. she sarcastically told me something along the lines of "thanks for being so helpful" before hanging up. i get she was in an emotional moment, but love shouldn't revolve around a ring. aita? [/INST] info: do you know if he actually lied to her about what the ring was made of? moissanite is not fake, engagements ring in that material still cost at least nine hundred dollars, so i would say n t a if she made an assumption that it was diamond, but y t a if he had convinced her it was diamond. </s>
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AITA for being upset about my lack of Christmas gifts?
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i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want.
my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being.
when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here.
| 14,423
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkqybz/aita_for_being_upset_about_my_lack_of_christmas/
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2020-12-26 22:04:19
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yta. your words "don't bother with anything else".
you want a ps5? you're old enough to work for it. your dad is right, you come across incredibly entitled and bratty.
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"i'm angry that my family did exactly what i asked them to."
yta.
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you literally told them that if you couldn’t have a ps5, you didn’t want anything, and they still got you two presents. you really do sound like a brat. grow up.
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yta.
i'm more amazed at the fact that you typed all this out and didn't sense the entitlement that this post is reeking with.
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yta. i get that you’re 17 and that’s young, but you literally told your parents there was only *one* acceptable gift for you, which, let’s face it, is a bit spoiled. you then got angry when they didn’t get you things you told them you didn’t want (anything *not* a ps5), which is also entitled behavior. the mature way to handle this would have been telling your parents that you’d really like a ps5, even if they couldn’t get it until after christmas, and in the meantime you would appreciate a gift card for games or anything else they thought you would like.
also to clarify, you *did* get christmas gifts; you just didn’t like what you received. huge difference.
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hey congratulations, it sounds like you have parents that actually really care about you! here's what they do that is great:
1. they actually listen when you tell them something.
2. they respect your wishes when they can reasonably do so.
3. they teach you a few lessons about how life works.
also, yta.
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yta, it's hard to believe this isn't the dad or brother making the post how can you so obviously depict yourself as an asshole and not know that you're an asshole? it's truly hard for me to believe someone so delusional exists.
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yta
you literally told them you didn't want anything if they couldn't get you a ps5 and that's exactly what happened. you can't have it both ways. you've basically learnt a hard lesson because your father is right, you were acting bratty. there's many many people that couldn't get the new consoles that came out and they just have to wait, you're no different. you got a coat and some sweets, i'd be grateful you got anything. many kids probably woke up with no presents at all yesterday.
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yta. do you know how much scalpers are selling ps5’s and xbox series x’s? i’m sorry but you, nor my children are worth a 400% mark up.
you should visit the r/stimuluscheck sub and read about how some people are stealing roasts from supermarkets just so their families can have a dinner. the fact you got a coat and candy is literally more than what some children got this year.
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yta bigtime. at 17 buy your own ps5.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want. my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being. when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want. my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being. when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here. [/INST] yta. your words "don't bother with anything else". you want a ps5? you're old enough to work for it. your dad is right, you come across incredibly entitled and bratty. </s>
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AITA for laughing at my boyfriends freak out and not telling him I have a prosthetic earlier?
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i (22f) have a prosthetic leg, i lost my leg when i was 3 years old in an accident and honestly i don't remember a time without the prosthetic it's just normal to me. i've been seeing a guy (25m) for a couple of months, but the subject of my leg hadn't come up yet. a few days ago i was having dinner at his place as he cooked for me, when he was setting out the food he bumped into the table and the vase went flying off and smashed against my prosthetic leg.
he freaked the fuck out in a blind panic wanting me to roll up my trouser leg in case i was hurt asking me over and over again if i was ok. i admit i was startled and relieved it had been *that* leg and couldn't help laughing and i reassured him it was fine over and over again but he didn't believe me and demanded to see so to prove it i removed my prosthetic leg showing it to him and explained the situation and how i'd lost my leg when i was little. i then told him it was fine if it was *that* leg and i was just relieved it wasn't the other.
he got upset with me for laughing clearly embarrassed by this situation and was more upset that i hadn't told him about my leg yet, i apologised and explained it's not exactly an easy thing to work into conversation organically and i'd have for sure given him a heads up before we slept together for the first time as no one wants to discover that the hard way. he cleaned up the glass and i put my leg back on and we had dinner though the mood was ruined and he was clearly unhappy with me.
later i got some texts from him saying he felt really upset that i hadn't told him earlier and how he'd been worried and i'd laughed. he has said he needs time to think about some things. my laughter wasn't *at* him more the shock of the situation and i tried to explain that but he has asked me to give him some space, i had been planning to tell him but it's not like you can just say "hey oh btw i only have one leg that cool?" naturally in a conversation. was i the asshole here?
| 3,681
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ums3w9/aita_for_laughing_at_my_boyfriends_freak_out_and/
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2022-05-10 20:36:13
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nah
he was shocked, then more shocked. you were surprised, and laughed, and told him something he didn't know.
people laugh at funerals. people cry at inopportune moments. humans are complicated.
either he will get over it (this should be quick) or he will reveal himself to be a dramatic festival of self absorption.
either way, you should know by tomorrow. and you did nothing wrong.
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two months, op? and your disability has never come up? not once? in two months? i don't believe you. i think you've been hiding it. sure, it's awkward to bring up on a first date and why should you need to. but after seeing each other a few times a week for two months? and calling him your bf? and he doesn't even know you have a prosthetic leg? it's not that hard to bring up in conversation:
third date
op: oh, by the way, i have a prosthetic leg. \*knocks on leg with knuckles\*
bf: oh, okay.
everyone here is going to say "oh, it's fine. why should he be upset for not knowing? that's ableist!" but he's your boyfriend. of two months. and he doesn't know you have a prosthetic leg. you're hiding it from him bc you don't trust him not to leave you for it.
yta.
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the only problem i see is your saying you didn't know how to tell him about your leg but you were ok with just pulling it off in the moment. there were no other opportunities?
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you've been dating for a few months and he's never noticed / you haven't told him?
yta. you don't need to bring it up day one, but it's been "months".
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yta
he was genuine in his reaction, you were dismissive, and rude. he’s asking if you are okay, completely distressed, worried about accidentally hurting you and you just took of your leg? instead of, you know, explaining shit first? no wonder he needs time to process this.
bring on the downvotes!
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info: how many times have you seen him since you started seeing him? there’s a massive different between been on a couple of dates over the last couple of months to seeing each other practically every day over the last couple of months.
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nah after a few months *you should have mentioned it* assuming things are getting serious and you plan to be intimate or start doing other activities together it's going to become something he needs to be aware of.
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yta. 2 months and 9 dates is quite a bit of time to not have brought this up previously
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light yta. not necessarily for not telling him yet because that’s your choice, but i think you handled the situation wrong. i think it’s that you laughed and then (the way it comes off to me in your post) when you took off the leg and how you explained the situation, it sounded like you treated it like a joke when he was really concerned for your well being and then gets a shock. that does come off as laughing at someone.
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honestly? nah. it's totally normal for you, though i can understand why it would be hard to find a good time to bring it up.
but dude went through a whole lotta shocks in a very short time and had to be reeling a little. i mean, first he was scared he seriously hurt you, then he got a pretty big surprise with the prosthetic. i mean, you yourself say "i'd have for sure given him a heads up before we slept together for the first time as no one wants to discover that the hard way," implying you know it might take a bit of time to get used to, but it sounds like you took your leg off, like, thirty seconds after you told him about it. i could see how that would put him a bit off-kilter.
i don't think either of you were necessarily wrong. i think you both came at the same situation from different histories and points of view, and he feels foolish that he overreacted about hurting you while you underreacted (in his opinion) because you knew what was really going on.
give him a little bit of time and see if he gets his head on straight. if he continues to be a dick about it, then he's ta and you should move on. you deserve someone who can laugh *with* you.
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.260793
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22f) have a prosthetic leg, i lost my leg when i was 3 years old in an accident and honestly i don't remember a time without the prosthetic it's just normal to me. i've been seeing a guy (25m) for a couple of months, but the subject of my leg hadn't come up yet. a few days ago i was having dinner at his place as he cooked for me, when he was setting out the food he bumped into the table and the vase went flying off and smashed against my prosthetic leg. he freaked the fuck out in a blind panic wanting me to roll up my trouser leg in case i was hurt asking me over and over again if i was ok. i admit i was startled and relieved it had been *that* leg and couldn't help laughing and i reassured him it was fine over and over again but he didn't believe me and demanded to see so to prove it i removed my prosthetic leg showing it to him and explained the situation and how i'd lost my leg when i was little. i then told him it was fine if it was *that* leg and i was just relieved it wasn't the other. he got upset with me for laughing clearly embarrassed by this situation and was more upset that i hadn't told him about my leg yet, i apologised and explained it's not exactly an easy thing to work into conversation organically and i'd have for sure given him a heads up before we slept together for the first time as no one wants to discover that the hard way. he cleaned up the glass and i put my leg back on and we had dinner though the mood was ruined and he was clearly unhappy with me. later i got some texts from him saying he felt really upset that i hadn't told him earlier and how he'd been worried and i'd laughed. he has said he needs time to think about some things. my laughter wasn't *at* him more the shock of the situation and i tried to explain that but he has asked me to give him some space, i had been planning to tell him but it's not like you can just say "hey oh btw i only have one leg that cool?" naturally in a conversation. was i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have a prosthetic leg, i lost my leg when i was 3 years old in an accident and honestly i don't remember a time without the prosthetic it's just normal to me. i've been seeing a guy (25m) for a couple of months, but the subject of my leg hadn't come up yet. a few days ago i was having dinner at his place as he cooked for me, when he was setting out the food he bumped into the table and the vase went flying off and smashed against my prosthetic leg. he freaked the fuck out in a blind panic wanting me to roll up my trouser leg in case i was hurt asking me over and over again if i was ok. i admit i was startled and relieved it had been *that* leg and couldn't help laughing and i reassured him it was fine over and over again but he didn't believe me and demanded to see so to prove it i removed my prosthetic leg showing it to him and explained the situation and how i'd lost my leg when i was little. i then told him it was fine if it was *that* leg and i was just relieved it wasn't the other. he got upset with me for laughing clearly embarrassed by this situation and was more upset that i hadn't told him about my leg yet, i apologised and explained it's not exactly an easy thing to work into conversation organically and i'd have for sure given him a heads up before we slept together for the first time as no one wants to discover that the hard way. he cleaned up the glass and i put my leg back on and we had dinner though the mood was ruined and he was clearly unhappy with me. later i got some texts from him saying he felt really upset that i hadn't told him earlier and how he'd been worried and i'd laughed. he has said he needs time to think about some things. my laughter wasn't *at* him more the shock of the situation and i tried to explain that but he has asked me to give him some space, i had been planning to tell him but it's not like you can just say "hey oh btw i only have one leg that cool?" naturally in a conversation. was i the asshole here? [/INST] nah he was shocked, then more shocked. you were surprised, and laughed, and told him something he didn't know. people laugh at funerals. people cry at inopportune moments. humans are complicated. either he will get over it (this should be quick) or he will reveal himself to be a dramatic festival of self absorption. either way, you should know by tomorrow. and you did nothing wrong. </s>
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WIBTA if I asked my university to block my mother’s contact information
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ok, context. i’m currently a high school senior and i applied to this university i really want to attend (applications ended jan 14). you as an applicant have no idea when you may hear back on whether or not you’ll get accepted or not. it’s completely random and can happen any time from now until june. i told my mother this, many, m a n y times. i have also told her many a times that i would let her know on my application status the moment i knew. she has been pestering me about it even before applications closed.
this morning i received an email from the university, from one of the staff members, saying that my mother had called the university, asking about me and my application status. they weren’t able to give her any information since i didn’t sign a third party release form. she then texted me confirming that she had in fact called. she now wants me to sign the form.
the problem is, i’m fucking *mortified*. it’s incredibly embarrassing to have your (hopefully) future university email you, have a staff member write a personalized email to you, because your mother called in pestering for information that not even the university knows yet (they most likely won’t know if they want to accept me until next reporting cycle in april).
i also don’t think it’s a very good look for me, tbh. what, someone who’s supposed to be a mature, responsible adult has their mother call in to press for info?
i’m really tempted to call and ask the university to block my mother’s contact information for the above reasons. and plus, again, it’s just so fucking embarrassing.
would i be the asshole if i asked them to do that?
| 464
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eyslq1/wibta_if_i_asked_my_university_to_block_my/
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2020-02-04 16:29:21
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info how would the university "block your mother's contact info?"
i think that you should respond to the email, apologize to the admissions person for any inconvenience, and say that your mother just got overly excited, and that you'll speak to her again about the need the need to honor the process and to be patient.
if you strike the right tone, this would make you look pretty damn adult, to my mind.
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100% nta.
oh god, you poor soul. my mother was forever contacting my university back about the quality of my tuition when i went over 20 years ago. eventually my pissed off personal tutor dragged me in for a 1-2-1 and told me to stop telling my mother anything about what i did or didn't do both inside and outside of the lecture room. i took his advice. he also banned the department reception from forwarding any phone calls to his line and started to c&p a one line answer to any emails she sent telling her to talk to me instead given i was now an adult.
i so sympathise with you, i was mortified too. fortunately your uni staff will have seen this thing before.
i would respond back politely apologising for having an enthusiastic helicopter parent (google it if you've not heard the phrase) and explain that you're not ever going to sign a third party release form 2 and that now you're an adult you're determined to secure a place at their university without your mother's assistance and that it would be awesome if they don't respond to her going forward.
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first off, yours is not the first pushy parent the school has dealt with, so let that part rest if you can. second, it sounds like your mom has moved beyond enthusiasm and into more controlling behaviors. if you sign that form, she will know eeeeeeveryyyyything. you probably live a cleaner life than i did, but i do not recommend doing away with that buffer zone: do not give her access. nta. (pure speculation: someone here has already asked you who is paying the tuition. they are a wanker.)
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nta. i worked in a college admissions office, we got all kinds of crazy overbearing parents calling in - they likely are used to that sort of behavior from parents. i agree with previous comments - reply back to the admissions counselor in a mature way and i'm sure it will earn you brownie points with them. do not ask them to "block" your mom - it likely can't even be done as most offices use landlines or voips. it will not come across well, and the most they can probably do for you is what you already have done - not filling out that form that releases your information.
also, talk to your mom about boundaries. you're growing up and need to start doing things on your own and your mom might be having a hard time letting go. just have an honest conversation and don't get worked up about it
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nta. you're an adult, you get to choose what information about you she's allowed to access.
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nta. universities do not like helicopter parents. do not sign the third party permission form. if you are in the us then the law is on your side. even if you had been accepted already they couldn’t tell anyone but you.
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nta - you're right it reflects poorly on you thankfully a university will be more forgiving of this sort of thing then a job would but you need to nip that behavior in the bud. you need to get her to understand that she's only making you look bad which doesn't help your chances.
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do not ask them to block your moms number, that just looks like drama and you’ll look even worse. you need to write back, be professional and lighthearted. also, they can’t just block her number. for a business to block a number they have to call their provider and probably pay a fee. it’s not like an iphone, dude. nta.
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if you're talking about blocking a phone number, they can't do that. nobody in the admissions department is going to arrange a blocked phone number with their telecommunications provider, it's just not something they would realistically have the ability or knowledge to do. if you're concerned about how you look to the university during this process, asking them to block a phone number will show them that you have a somewhat naive set of expectations from them.
if you're talking about asking them not to share your information with anyone but you, it sounds like they're already doing that for you. i would recommend responding with something like:
&#x200b;
"thank you for notifying me about this issue, and for protecting my personal information. i would like to confirm that i do not consent to the sharing of my application status or other personal information with anyone."
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nta.
i'm a university administrator and we cannot speak to parents, especially over the phone. it can be anyone on the other end. it's not only for your safety but also part of privacy laws. it's literally illegal for us to disclose student information over the phone. sometimes parents will try to call pretending to be their child, with their student number and everything, but when it comes to asking specifics, parents often get the name of the major wrong, or don't know course codes, or profs names, and they get found out pretty fast. most parents get angry at this. one certified ah even told me they would kick their child out of the house if i didn't disclose info to them. other total ah told me they'd get me fired (i said by all means, tell my boss i'm complying with the freedom of information and privacy act).
tl;dr this is your education. once you're in university you're an adult. even if your parents paid tuition it doesn't give them the right to access your information. parents honest to go just need to back the fuck off and are the bane of every single academic administrator in the world. the only exceptions i've seen are if the student has a disability and it's written in their record that we can speak to the parent. otherwise, no student wants their mom calling asking questions. we hate it. you hate it. they need to cut the damn cord.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, context. i’m currently a high school senior and i applied to this university i really want to attend (applications ended jan 14). you as an applicant have no idea when you may hear back on whether or not you’ll get accepted or not. it’s completely random and can happen any time from now until june. i told my mother this, many, m a n y times. i have also told her many a times that i would let her know on my application status the moment i knew. she has been pestering me about it even before applications closed. this morning i received an email from the university, from one of the staff members, saying that my mother had called the university, asking about me and my application status. they weren’t able to give her any information since i didn’t sign a third party release form. she then texted me confirming that she had in fact called. she now wants me to sign the form. the problem is, i’m fucking *mortified*. it’s incredibly embarrassing to have your (hopefully) future university email you, have a staff member write a personalized email to you, because your mother called in pestering for information that not even the university knows yet (they most likely won’t know if they want to accept me until next reporting cycle in april). i also don’t think it’s a very good look for me, tbh. what, someone who’s supposed to be a mature, responsible adult has their mother call in to press for info? i’m really tempted to call and ask the university to block my mother’s contact information for the above reasons. and plus, again, it’s just so fucking embarrassing. would i be the asshole if i asked them to do that?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok, context. i’m currently a high school senior and i applied to this university i really want to attend (applications ended jan 14). you as an applicant have no idea when you may hear back on whether or not you’ll get accepted or not. it’s completely random and can happen any time from now until june. i told my mother this, many, m a n y times. i have also told her many a times that i would let her know on my application status the moment i knew. she has been pestering me about it even before applications closed. this morning i received an email from the university, from one of the staff members, saying that my mother had called the university, asking about me and my application status. they weren’t able to give her any information since i didn’t sign a third party release form. she then texted me confirming that she had in fact called. she now wants me to sign the form. the problem is, i’m fucking *mortified*. it’s incredibly embarrassing to have your (hopefully) future university email you, have a staff member write a personalized email to you, because your mother called in pestering for information that not even the university knows yet (they most likely won’t know if they want to accept me until next reporting cycle in april). i also don’t think it’s a very good look for me, tbh. what, someone who’s supposed to be a mature, responsible adult has their mother call in to press for info? i’m really tempted to call and ask the university to block my mother’s contact information for the above reasons. and plus, again, it’s just so fucking embarrassing. would i be the asshole if i asked them to do that? [/INST] info how would the university "block your mother's contact info?" i think that you should respond to the email, apologize to the admissions person for any inconvenience, and say that your mother just got overly excited, and that you'll speak to her again about the need the need to honor the process and to be patient. if you strike the right tone, this would make you look pretty damn adult, to my mind. </s>
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WIBTA if I went to the college that my daughter just got rejected by?
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my daughter is a high school senior is in the process of applying to colleges. she was procrastinating and panicking about applying to her number one choice. i thought she had a very good chance of getting in. to motivate her i applied as a joke kinda as the application fee was waived for me and raced her, but still not rushing her to make sure her application and essays were top notch. we both applied at similar times. i got my acceptance letter and told my daughter that if i got accepted then she's a shoe-in. then my daughter got her rejection letter. my wife and i consoled her, but she was very upset. me applying and getting accepted certainly didn't help. we helped her apply to other colleges and are still waiting to hear back from them. then i got email from the admissions office saying that i qualified for their unique student program and would have tuition waived. now i'm seriously considering going to college.
i took a gap year after high school where my wife (girlfriend then) got pregnant while she was in school. i decided to enter the workforce and take care of my daughter (the same one) while my wife attended college. my wife graduated and got a well paying job while i worked an entry level job and did some "stay-at-home dad" work. i still work my job and we could definitely survive off my wife's income, but i work to keep myself busy. i don't hate my job, but i don't love it and it's not what i imagined myself doing. i think this opportunity to go to college would be great for not only me, but my whole family. ideally, my income with my degree would be much greater than it is now. the college is in commuting distance so i wouldn't have to get an apartment. i talked to my wife about it and she's unsure. she said it'd be great for me to go to college, but it'd be rude of me to attend the college that rejected our daughter.
wibta if i attended the college that rejected my daughter?
| 2,258
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dfkey2/wibta_if_i_went_to_the_college_that_my_daughter/
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2019-10-09 17:33:46
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nah. i can understand why the kid would be upset, but if you're serious about improving your career and it's free, it'd be stupid to not go.
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nah the university had certain standards that you met and she didn't that no value judgement from you against your daughter and this is a university it isn't like you are dating a guy that turned your daughter down, its a giant faceless corporation. if it upsets her just remind her that the quailifications to enter a school as an adult are very different then entering as someone fresh out of high school.
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nta - if this is what you want, you shouldnt give up the opportunity to get a chance at a post-secondary education. i'm curious -- what has your daughter said about you possibly going to university?
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> then i got email from the admissions office saying that i qualified for their unique student program and would have tuition waived.
nah, and this is at least part of why you got in and she didn't. extra points for being a "unique student", presumably being older and returning to college. i know my alma mater ranks prospective students with points, and has bonus points for students whose parents attended their college. i imagine it's a similar thing here.
your wife brought up a valid concern, and one you might need to address, but no one's being unreasonable yet.
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nah
she will be hurt, but that doesnt negate the fact that this is a great opportunity for you that shouldnt be passed up.
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nah - i would talk it over with your daughter. i think you should go. this is a very unique opportunity for you. and as long as it doesn’t break the bank, one that will be very beneficial to you.
heck, your daughter might find it funny in the sense that it is a blessing she didn’t get in and go to the same school as her dad.
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nah - what a wonderful opportunity and i think it's a great example to set for your daughter. you put your family first when it was necessary and now that you have the chance to improve your own education and thereby improve the types of jobs you can get - you absolutely should go for it and not feel bad at all!
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nah: congratulations on your opportunity! you should be very proud. yes, this will be hard for your daughter. but it’s not trauma. it’s a lesson in hard work and being proactive with your goals. she can work hard her freshman year and apply to transfer if this is her dream school. wishing you all the best.
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nah. the only way anyone would be ta is if you rubbed it in her face/gloated or if she got angry that you decided to further your education. if you choose not to in order to spare her feelings then you're raising a karen.
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nah
honestly, i think you should go for it. your daughter might be upset, but you need to make her understand the opportunity for advancement you have for both of your futures.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.030375
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter is a high school senior is in the process of applying to colleges. she was procrastinating and panicking about applying to her number one choice. i thought she had a very good chance of getting in. to motivate her i applied as a joke kinda as the application fee was waived for me and raced her, but still not rushing her to make sure her application and essays were top notch. we both applied at similar times. i got my acceptance letter and told my daughter that if i got accepted then she's a shoe-in. then my daughter got her rejection letter. my wife and i consoled her, but she was very upset. me applying and getting accepted certainly didn't help. we helped her apply to other colleges and are still waiting to hear back from them. then i got email from the admissions office saying that i qualified for their unique student program and would have tuition waived. now i'm seriously considering going to college. i took a gap year after high school where my wife (girlfriend then) got pregnant while she was in school. i decided to enter the workforce and take care of my daughter (the same one) while my wife attended college. my wife graduated and got a well paying job while i worked an entry level job and did some "stay-at-home dad" work. i still work my job and we could definitely survive off my wife's income, but i work to keep myself busy. i don't hate my job, but i don't love it and it's not what i imagined myself doing. i think this opportunity to go to college would be great for not only me, but my whole family. ideally, my income with my degree would be much greater than it is now. the college is in commuting distance so i wouldn't have to get an apartment. i talked to my wife about it and she's unsure. she said it'd be great for me to go to college, but it'd be rude of me to attend the college that rejected our daughter. wibta if i attended the college that rejected my daughter?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is a high school senior is in the process of applying to colleges. she was procrastinating and panicking about applying to her number one choice. i thought she had a very good chance of getting in. to motivate her i applied as a joke kinda as the application fee was waived for me and raced her, but still not rushing her to make sure her application and essays were top notch. we both applied at similar times. i got my acceptance letter and told my daughter that if i got accepted then she's a shoe-in. then my daughter got her rejection letter. my wife and i consoled her, but she was very upset. me applying and getting accepted certainly didn't help. we helped her apply to other colleges and are still waiting to hear back from them. then i got email from the admissions office saying that i qualified for their unique student program and would have tuition waived. now i'm seriously considering going to college. i took a gap year after high school where my wife (girlfriend then) got pregnant while she was in school. i decided to enter the workforce and take care of my daughter (the same one) while my wife attended college. my wife graduated and got a well paying job while i worked an entry level job and did some "stay-at-home dad" work. i still work my job and we could definitely survive off my wife's income, but i work to keep myself busy. i don't hate my job, but i don't love it and it's not what i imagined myself doing. i think this opportunity to go to college would be great for not only me, but my whole family. ideally, my income with my degree would be much greater than it is now. the college is in commuting distance so i wouldn't have to get an apartment. i talked to my wife about it and she's unsure. she said it'd be great for me to go to college, but it'd be rude of me to attend the college that rejected our daughter. wibta if i attended the college that rejected my daughter? [/INST] nah. i can understand why the kid would be upset, but if you're serious about improving your career and it's free, it'd be stupid to not go. </s>
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AITA for making my boyfriend eat meat at my family gathering even though he's vegetarian?
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my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important.
here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy.
we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's *that bad* to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita?
| 19,157
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn3xky/aita_for_making_my_boyfriend_eat_meat_at_my/
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2021-12-23 19:59:31
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yta respecting your boyfriends feelings, beliefs, and personal decisions should be more important than avoiding a slightly awkward situation, especially one that would have been your fault for not mentioning he was vegetarian in the first place
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yta. people who practice a vegetarian diet often stop producing the enzymes to digest meat. you care more about impressing your family than you do about his ability to eat the food in front of him. it is pretty effed up to expect him to eat meat; many people choose to be vegetarian because of their religious practices and spiritual convictions. you ignored his needs, so yes, yta. (
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yta for even *asking*, let alone bullying him into actually doing it. i'm surprised that he (a) went along with it, and (b) hasn't dumped your sorry ass already.
how do you "forget" to tell your family that someone you've been with for *two years* doesn't eat meat? "forget" my ass. you don't agree with his vegetarianism, and you intentionally didn't tell them.
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yta. being a vegetarian isn't weird, so telling your family he is a vegetarian wouldn't have been a weird impression. especially if you had done it advance, as you should have.
you owe both your boyfriend and your mom an apology. him for asking him to eat meat when he doesn't and her for not telling her so she could properly accommodate her guest.
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yta
what the hell is wrong with you? i’m actually surprised he is still dating you. what you did is an incredible 🚩
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yta, without a doubt. vegetarians shouldn't be expected to just drop their belief and dietary lifestyle because it's convenient to not cause a scene. you 100% should have told them right then and there that he is vegetarian (i mean ideally much earlier, but mistakes happen).
i feel really bad for your boyfriend, you obviously don't care about his beliefs and choices, and think you're all that matters.
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you are an amazingly giant asshole. also, your relationship is over.
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you've been with him for two years and you've never meantion in the span of two years to your own mother that he is vegetarian???? not on a call like "oh, we tried the new place that opened up and we're lucky they had a lot of vegetarian options for so!" or "so made a delicious vegetarian meal last night i think you should try when you meet him!".
yeah, sounds like you have the issue with him being vegetarian.
i honestly hopes he sees what a massive red flag this is, manipulating someone into eating outside of the dietary choices/ beliefs. also, long-term vegan and vegetarians aren't well equipped to handle meats and it can make them sick. you chose bullying your boyfriend and potentially making him sick over one second of awkward conversation.
huge yta
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yta. wow, i really thought there was gonna be a good explanation here but holy shit. it was your fault that your family didn’t know, your fault that your boyfriend didn’t have anything to eat & your fault that it would have “caused a scene”. making him actually eat meat is so horrendous on your part & then having the guts to minimise it and shift the blame on him. shame on you
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info is this a joke post?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important. here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy. we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's *that bad* to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important. here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy. we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's *that bad* to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita? [/INST] yta respecting your boyfriends feelings, beliefs, and personal decisions should be more important than avoiding a slightly awkward situation, especially one that would have been your fault for not mentioning he was vegetarian in the first place </s>
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AITA for telling my husband to stop being disappointed over our baby’s gender?
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my 26f husband 27m and i are having twins and i’m expected to be due in december 2022. we already have a son together who’s 15 months. we are both more than excited for this moment and we had our gender reveal last saturday. we invited our inner circle of friends and family. we did the cliche popper that lets out confetti and each of us had 1, which represented the gender for each twin. when we popped the confetti, we found out that both twins will be girls. i was very excited because i always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that i will be having even more than one made me feel amazing. however, when my husband realized the genders, he seemed visibly disappointed and bummed, and apparently our guests noticed as well. my husband really wanted at least one boy, he even started picking out toys and names. he acted like this for a few minutes. even his friends had to comfort him in front of everyone and tell him that he should just be grateful. i honestly got second hand embarrassment that my husband needed to be comforted in front of everyone because he’s going to be having healthy girls. after that he tried to cheer up, but you could still tell he was still very upset. i was upset at him but brushed it off until the party was over. after it was done i confronted him about it, and why he did that. i told him he should just be grateful and that he already has a son. i told him how embarrassing it was that everyone we knew had to see him act like a child just because of the gender of his children were girls. we started going at it and are still acting kind of sour to each other. i obviously love him and i want to diffuse the tension but i need to know if i am ta.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vsmxjw/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_stop_being/
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2022-07-06 10:38:02
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nah. this is why you shouldn't do gender (sex) reveals when you have a preference. because you might be disappointed. just as **you** were happy, since you've
> always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that i will be having even more than one made me feel amazing
he felt disappointed. this is why it's best to find out *in private*. so you can process without a lot of people present who's gonna witness all your reactions.
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nta why bother having a gender reveal if you're going to be disappointed by the answer? gender disappointment is supposed to last about 10 seconds tops and then you act like an adult and appreciate the new lives coming into your family.
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well, i find baby-genitalia parties weird and sort of creepy to begin with, but even more frustrating is that your husband seems to be under the impression that his children's biology will determine the sort of relationship he will have with them/toys they will enjoy, etc. he's shoving your kids into a box before they're even born, and that's the bit he needs to get over.
however, if you knew both of you had a strong preference, having a public sex reveal was a bad idea. learn from this and have all other emotionally fraught "reveals" in private so emotions can be processed.
esh
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nta. jeez, was he born like a few centuries ago?? he has a boy, and also the gender of the baby doesn't imply anything. the boy may not like boyish stuff, my nephew for explame loves super typical boyish stuff but also his favourite color is pink and he wants pink everything and his favourite shows are barbie and my little pony. and yeah, in his case he also loves "boyish" stuff but there are some who don't care about that. also, the girls may be into that kind of stuff so he doesn't have to worry about not being able to buy the toys he wants, for god's sake.
i'm surprised someone in his generation still thinks of toys and stuff for girls and for boys. the kids will have their own preferences regardless of gender.
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no, **def nta**. there's so much about this on the internet, mostly men being upset they're not having boys. wtf. congrats on your healthy babies!
he needs to get over it quickly, the girls will notice. make sure, going forward, that he doesn't treat them differently. this is a pattern of parents who prefer certain genders. let him know this, and have the conversation now that you're both going to make sure that they are treated completely equally, and you will immediately call him out if you think he's doing otherwise. this could be a tough road, sorry you have to deal with this. your husband is experiencing gender disappointment and therapy may help him understand the "why" and also how to get past it.
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nta
but how does he view women in general? because this makes me wonder if he’ll devalue your daughters just because of their gender and do you really want them to grow up with a father who has sexist views towards them?
keep an eye on this op this guy thinks it’s a little concerning he’s already taking it out on something you have no control over and he should be happy and grateful as long as the girls are happy and healthy!
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read some comments and some said “being disappointed about baby’s gender is fine”..idk but if i’m the child and i know about my father’s disappointment, i’m gonna be so hurt
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i'm going with esh because i think gendre reveals are one of the most stupid thing ever invented.
that being said, maybe it's was for the best he found out now and not in the delivery room right after you just pushed two babies out of your vagina...
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nta.
you don't get to chose the gender of your babies especially if they're true twins they'll have both the same gender.
i can understand he's a bit disapointed, my wife was also because she wanted girls and we got boys, but she never made a big deal out of it and she loves our litle goblins to death.
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nta
remind henry viii that he already has a son.
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 26f husband 27m and i are having twins and i’m expected to be due in december 2022. we already have a son together who’s 15 months. we are both more than excited for this moment and we had our gender reveal last saturday. we invited our inner circle of friends and family. we did the cliche popper that lets out confetti and each of us had 1, which represented the gender for each twin. when we popped the confetti, we found out that both twins will be girls. i was very excited because i always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that i will be having even more than one made me feel amazing. however, when my husband realized the genders, he seemed visibly disappointed and bummed, and apparently our guests noticed as well. my husband really wanted at least one boy, he even started picking out toys and names. he acted like this for a few minutes. even his friends had to comfort him in front of everyone and tell him that he should just be grateful. i honestly got second hand embarrassment that my husband needed to be comforted in front of everyone because he’s going to be having healthy girls. after that he tried to cheer up, but you could still tell he was still very upset. i was upset at him but brushed it off until the party was over. after it was done i confronted him about it, and why he did that. i told him he should just be grateful and that he already has a son. i told him how embarrassing it was that everyone we knew had to see him act like a child just because of the gender of his children were girls. we started going at it and are still acting kind of sour to each other. i obviously love him and i want to diffuse the tension but i need to know if i am ta.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my 26f husband 27m and i are having twins and i’m expected to be due in december 2022. we already have a son together who’s 15 months. we are both more than excited for this moment and we had our gender reveal last saturday. we invited our inner circle of friends and family. we did the cliche popper that lets out confetti and each of us had 1, which represented the gender for each twin. when we popped the confetti, we found out that both twins will be girls. i was very excited because i always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that i will be having even more than one made me feel amazing. however, when my husband realized the genders, he seemed visibly disappointed and bummed, and apparently our guests noticed as well. my husband really wanted at least one boy, he even started picking out toys and names. he acted like this for a few minutes. even his friends had to comfort him in front of everyone and tell him that he should just be grateful. i honestly got second hand embarrassment that my husband needed to be comforted in front of everyone because he’s going to be having healthy girls. after that he tried to cheer up, but you could still tell he was still very upset. i was upset at him but brushed it off until the party was over. after it was done i confronted him about it, and why he did that. i told him he should just be grateful and that he already has a son. i told him how embarrassing it was that everyone we knew had to see him act like a child just because of the gender of his children were girls. we started going at it and are still acting kind of sour to each other. i obviously love him and i want to diffuse the tension but i need to know if i am ta. [/INST] nah. this is why you shouldn't do gender (sex) reveals when you have a preference. because you might be disappointed. just as **you** were happy, since you've > always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that i will be having even more than one made me feel amazing he felt disappointed. this is why it's best to find out *in private*. so you can process without a lot of people present who's gonna witness all your reactions. </s>
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AITA for asking my wife not to discuss oir twin daughters periods with me?
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my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty.
i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods.
my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwr3l5/aita_for_asking_my_wife_not_to_discuss_oir_twin/
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2019-06-04 17:00:57
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yta females go through this and now she feels you'll not really take care of the girls if something happens to her. you've made her think you'll just ignore any problems they come to you about in regards to female issues. grow up man.
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yta. you have daughters, be an engaged father.
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yta. by being embarrassed/ashamed to talk about your daughter's periods, you're teaching them that their bodies are something to be ashamed of. you're teaching them that they can't go to you for help. even if you're not explicitly saying it, they'll pick up on it
also...
> i don't think they are gross or anything like that
> i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters
🤔🤔🤔
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yta
you need to grow the hell up
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yta: read a book or watch a video on puberty and female anatomy.
you are an adult man who is afraid of vaginas. you have a wife and two daughters, be better. do better.
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yta
they’re her daughters, too. there is nothing inherently sexual about knowing about these processes of the body & being informed of what’s going on with your daughter’s health. get educated, buy some tampons. christ.
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yta. your daughters are about to enter a very delicate stage of life, they will be uncomfortable with their bodies, and they will need you to show them what they are going through is perfectly natural and healthy. by being unwilling to discuss this stuff, you are showing them that they should be ashamed of their natural state. they should hide their body's workings from men, and prepare to find mates that won't be interested in their bodily health.
you are the first example of a man these girls have. think about what you want them to interpret men to be like, and think about what kind of men you would like them to be with. periods are common, they are monthly, and they can be debilitating. your daughters should feel comfortable and safe talking with you about it. if they had that freedom with you, it would be empowering to them. please reconsider your stance.
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yta
dude, it's human anatomy. this shit is normal. the health of your children is important. grow up. buy a box a tampons or pads when asked, because this is normal. don't ask them about their flow. don't tell them they are moody because of pms. don't avoid them because they are on their period and you think it's "gross". your position on this is the only thing gross here.
signed - the stepdad with two daughters who have periods
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**yes, yta!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
&#x200b;
women menstruate. we will not be shamed for it. my god, you have had sex with your wife at least one time, **if you are mature enough to stick your dick in a vag you are mature enough to hear about periods.**
seriously, what if your wife dies? your just going to ignore that you have 2 women in your fam now?
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yta and part of oppressive culture. people like you are the reason there is a crisis in women's sanitation in places like india.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty. i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods. my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty. i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods. my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here? [/INST] yta females go through this and now she feels you'll not really take care of the girls if something happens to her. you've made her think you'll just ignore any problems they come to you about in regards to female issues. grow up man. </s>
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AITA for refusing to set up a joint bank account with my fiancé?
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so my fiancé and i were just casually talking the other day about what life would be like when were were married. she stated, “things be so much easier when we have a joint account. i’ll feel so much more rich then.” i had never mentioned us getting a joint account and i guess i had forgot that is what many couples do. i said, “are we not just keeping the accounts separate?” she said that was silly and that i should know that we will be joining them since we will be getting married. i told her that i never agreed to that, and while i would be happy for her to use my money at times, i don’t want her to feel like it is all hers. i’ve earned that money and i don’t feel like she has the right to it unless i say so. i worked hard to be in the position i am. i make over $100k a year. not to belittle her or say that it’s a bad thing, but she makes around $25k a year at her job.
she then called me selfish and couldn’t believe that i was being serious. she left last night and i haven’t heard much from her since then. her friend texted me and said i was a jerk. i told my parents about the situation and they sided with me. they have separate accounts like i planed on doing. like i said, i’m glad to help her out always and lend her money if she needs it, but i don’t want her to feel like she can use more and use it whenever she needs it. am i the asshole for doing this?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0m9ve/aita_for_refusing_to_set_up_a_joint_bank_account/
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2020-07-30 13:43:41
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nah. you guys have very different ideas about finances that need to be resolved before you get married. you need to sit down and discuss this thoroughly before continuing this engagement.
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nah.
consider a joint savings account where you both contribute toward mutual goals like vacations/home and vehicle upgrades/etc.
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esh.
how are you just getting around to this incredibly important discussion after the engagement? what else have you not talked about? are you on the same page about children? division of labour?
we wonder why the divorce rate is so high.
keeping your finances totally separate as a married couple with such a disparate income is a recipe for failure and resentment. you need to figure this out now before any wedding planning is finalized. it’s likely you would benefit from couples financial counseling.
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i'm going with esh, to varying levels.
first, her leaving was probably not a great reaction. i'm willing to say she sucks for that, but we don't have a ton of information on how far you pushed this, either, so i'm sort of wavering on that.
but your attitude toward all this... it sucks. a lot.
joining accounts is something married couples almost always do on some level. many don't share *every* account, but i'd be willing to bet the majority have some kind of shared account somewhere, whether it's their daily spending/household account, a savings account, something.
you're very attached to this "my money" "i worked for it" thing, and if you're not married, that's fine. but once you're married, legally it kinda doesn't much matter, and you're supposed to be sharing everything. all the money is collective money for the benefit of *both* of you, and if you don't see it that way, or maybe better put, if the two of you can't agree on how to look at money, maybe you should put off the wedding a bit and figure it out. idk, maybe it's me, but the idea of a husband "lending" his wife money is kind of icky to me (or vice versa).
it kinda feels like you like the power of being the high earner in the relationship. i could be reading way too far into it, but the whole "i don't want her to think she can use *my* money every time she needs something".... it rubs wrong, man. this is supposed to be your *wife*, your *life partner*, the woman you love and trust above anyone else, but you don't seem to want her having any real control over finances beyond what she brings in, which gives you an outsized amount of power in the relationship. don't like the house she fell in love with? veto, i'm paying the mortgage. don't like the couch she wants? veto. don't like her going out with her friends? veto, she spent all her money on bills this month and i don't approve of her friends. she wants babies but i don't, so veto, i'm gonna be the one paying for them. see what a slippery slope that can be?
i mean, ultimately how you handle your household finances is up to you as a couple, it's no one else's business. but you need to *agree* on it, whatever it looks like. which is probably gonna mean compromise. which means both of you have to put on your big kid pants and talk about this with open minds and figure out a system that works for both of you. money is the #1 cause of divorce, so get these ducks in a row now, proactively, before it becomes a much harder mess to untangle. get a counselor involved if you need to, but figure this out before you say your vows.
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\> i don’t want her to feel like it is all hers. i’ve earned that money and i don’t feel like she has the right to it unless i say so.
good luck in the divorce, bro
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esh, you should have a conversation about this, it's kind of a big deal.
i'm personally not a fan of completely separate finances. basically you will be a married couple but with two different quality of life. plus, her taxes will be based on household income, so she's going to be screwed. and if you have kids and decide she should take time off? does she have to ask you for money? how will you guys handle grocery shopping or new shoes for the kids?
are you going to retire while she works?
anyway, i know some couples do this but it doesn't seem like part of a partnership. i think it makes more sense to sit down and talk about budgets and expenses and how you'll spend and save and what your goals are.
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nta. i suggest 3 accounts - yours, hers and joint. both contribute equally to the joint for household expenses and joint purchases/outings but still have access to your own spending money. or perhaps you could put a bit more to joint as you earn more, but still keep a separate one.
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yta. its possible that she is too, but all we know is she wants a joint account, and says she'll feel "richer" then. since it appears you currently control most of the money, think of sharing with your fiancee as a loan, and feel entitled to all the "leftover" funds while she makes do with much less, that's not even a slightly outrageous comment - of course she'd want to feel "richer" and more equal after marriage.
on the other hand, you want your wife to have a lower standard of living, might "loan" her money, think earning more gives you nearly complete control of the family finances, and thinks financial arrangements are decided by fiat rather than discussion.
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just a question: when you buy a house, car, vacations, if you have kids, etc, how will you be paying for it?
i've known people who have separate accounts and joint accounts. the joint account they both put in a % of their income. that way you are contributing the same %, but when you buy things together, you are paying together. i would be nervous too about someone who said they couldn't wait to be rich, but i don't know your fiance and either of your spending habits. that being said, you do have to talk about this and everyone expectations or there will be a lot of resentment.
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when you marry you commit to sharing everything with your spouse. to me it seems bizarre that if you really love someone and want to spend your life together you would want to arrange your finances like house mates would counting up who paid for what and keeping finances completely separate.
if you continue this after having children you are definitely the asshole and potentially financially abusive. having children makes women financially worse off on average. do you expect that you can keep your earnings to yourself while your wife is on maternity leave? or if you both decide she should work less to give her more time to spend on raising your children and keeping your home given that the cost of childcare makes it seem less worthwhile for both parents to continue working full time? who will cover the cost of maternity leave and the loss of earnings that can result from that? who will pay for the children’s needs?
in what kind of partnership does one partner have money to burn while their partner is struggling? are you willing to live a much cheaper lifestyle that is affordable to your wife or must she struggle to keep up with you? what about holidays? will you be going on your own holidays since your wife can hardly afford the same trips that you can?
the way my wife and i manage things is we both work and we both take care of our home and children equally. at different times in our marriage each of us has worked more or less hours and earned varying amounts of money but we share everything. we pay everything into a joint account and pay ourselves the same ‘pocket money’ each month so we each have our own money to spend as we want on personal things but most things go through the joint account. we see ourselves as a team and i certainly don’t feel that just because i earn more that i should get to spend more on myself than my wife.
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NAH
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NAH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null | 0.584284
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my fiancé and i were just casually talking the other day about what life would be like when were were married. she stated, “things be so much easier when we have a joint account. i’ll feel so much more rich then.” i had never mentioned us getting a joint account and i guess i had forgot that is what many couples do. i said, “are we not just keeping the accounts separate?” she said that was silly and that i should know that we will be joining them since we will be getting married. i told her that i never agreed to that, and while i would be happy for her to use my money at times, i don’t want her to feel like it is all hers. i’ve earned that money and i don’t feel like she has the right to it unless i say so. i worked hard to be in the position i am. i make over $100k a year. not to belittle her or say that it’s a bad thing, but she makes around $25k a year at her job. she then called me selfish and couldn’t believe that i was being serious. she left last night and i haven’t heard much from her since then. her friend texted me and said i was a jerk. i told my parents about the situation and they sided with me. they have separate accounts like i planed on doing. like i said, i’m glad to help her out always and lend her money if she needs it, but i don’t want her to feel like she can use more and use it whenever she needs it. am i the asshole for doing this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my fiancé and i were just casually talking the other day about what life would be like when were were married. she stated, “things be so much easier when we have a joint account. i’ll feel so much more rich then.” i had never mentioned us getting a joint account and i guess i had forgot that is what many couples do. i said, “are we not just keeping the accounts separate?” she said that was silly and that i should know that we will be joining them since we will be getting married. i told her that i never agreed to that, and while i would be happy for her to use my money at times, i don’t want her to feel like it is all hers. i’ve earned that money and i don’t feel like she has the right to it unless i say so. i worked hard to be in the position i am. i make over $100k a year. not to belittle her or say that it’s a bad thing, but she makes around $25k a year at her job. she then called me selfish and couldn’t believe that i was being serious. she left last night and i haven’t heard much from her since then. her friend texted me and said i was a jerk. i told my parents about the situation and they sided with me. they have separate accounts like i planed on doing. like i said, i’m glad to help her out always and lend her money if she needs it, but i don’t want her to feel like she can use more and use it whenever she needs it. am i the asshole for doing this? [/INST] nah. you guys have very different ideas about finances that need to be resolved before you get married. you need to sit down and discuss this thoroughly before continuing this engagement. </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to learn basic Spanish for a trip?
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throwaway account. names have been changed for privacy.
i (25f) participated in a study abroad program in spain my junior year of college and had a fantastic experience. while i was there i became good friends with my host sister paula, who was around my age. despite living on separate continents the two of us have remained very close and talk all the time.
paula (26f) and her husband rafael (35m) visited the u.s. for the first time last year and stayed with my husband ian (27m) and me for a week in upstate new york. they don’t speak much english, but they made an effort to use the language as much as possible around us, despite clearly struggling with it, so that ian could be included in our conversations.
before they left, paula and rafael thanked us for our hospitality and said they wanted to return the favor. they invited us to stay with them at their home in madrid for a week and show us around the city. ian was very enthusiastic about the idea, since he had never been to europe before, and we accepted the offer with pleasure.
in the months leading up to our trip, i asked ian to please brush up on some basic spanish (he took two years of it in high school but obviously hadn’t used it in a while), because we were going to be guests in another country. i offered to help him practice many times, since i speak spanish fluently, but he always declined.
well, we just got back from spain, and he refused to speak more than three words of spanish (“buenos días” and “gracias”) the whole time we were there. the rest of the time, he would only address paula and rafael (or anyone else we met) in english and i had to keep stepping in as translator. paula and rafael were gracious as always and reassured us it wasn’t a problem, but they sounded pretty tired by the end of the week. i translated for ian as much as i could, which was mentally exhausting, and i felt frustrated that he wouldn’t make more of an effort.
ian says he felt embarrassed and self-conscious speaking another language and that nobody would have expected him to do so as an american. i say that learning the basics of the language is a basic courtesy when traveling to a non-english-speaking country, and especially when staying in somebody’s home.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmyvu2/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_learn_basic_spanish/
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2019-10-25 15:17:11
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info: when you say "basics" what exactly to you mean? because it's fairly easy to learn how to say stuff like "how much does this cost?" and "what time is the next train?" but it's really hard to learn how to understand the answers. (i learned this the hard way on a high school trip to montreal.)
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nta what does he mean that as an american no one would expect him to?
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nah, no one expects a tourist to speak the native language. i travel widely and english is generally accepted as the language of tourism. it may a polite to try and learn the native language, but from my travel experiences, it doesn’t help much. i learnt academic german in college and went for a semester exchange in germany, but when i went to germany this year, i couldn’t speak the language at all. whatever german that came out of my mouth was incomprehensible by the natives. i visit japan every year, don’t speak any japanese at all, but i’m still able to cope fine. be forgiving towards your husband, some people just can’t do languages, that doesn’t mean they can’t travel.
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esh. yeah, your husband is an asshole for saying that "no one would have expected him to \[speak spanish\] as an american." however, even if he had brushed up, with only two years of high school instruction, he likely wouldn't be able to actively participate in conversation with three fluent speakers. the fact that translating for him (i.e., including him in your conversations) was "mentally exhausting" makes you a bit of an asshole.
i took *years* of french in high school and college but when i was in paris i could barely follow what fluent speakers were saying.
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>nobody would have expected him to do so as an american
"we have a reputation for being culturally ignorant anglo-centric jerks who don't bother to learn foreign languages, so i'm in the clear to be a culturally ignorant anglo-centric jerk who doesn't bother to learn foreign languages."
nta
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yta - there is no way on god's green earth he could learn the language to any useful extent without months of study. and that "useful extent" would be like, where's the shitter and please give me some water.
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nah. language doesn't come easily to some. it causes stress and if he's that type of person, pressing the issue is going to make him more stressed. he has to want to learn.
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yta and a pretentious one at that. you can’t expect him to have full blown conversation with people after a few months of practice. even if he learned 50 phrases perfectly, back and forth jargon is a whole different level.
i’m sorry you seemed to be so inconvenienced by him needing your help to translate, but you have a skill he doesn’t. i’m just it was even more uncomfortable and embarrassing for him.
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so...my degree is in spanish linguistics. i’m also a published researcher on foreign language anxiety. how your husband felt is completely normal. it’s incredibly uncomfortable to try to speak an l2 that you hardly know, that you have only studied for a couple of months, in-front of 2 native speakers (you said you’re fluent, so you mean native? or at an advanced proficiency level?) of course he regresses to his l1! i guarantee even if he did study more spanish he would have regressed.
also, 2 years of high school spanish is nothing. most spanish 2 classes don’t even get through preterit. if you think you can survive in spain in just present tense and regular preterit, you’re crazy...
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yta, your intentions are good, but who expects someone to learn a language well enough to hold a conversation in a few months? most people dont have the free time to waste on learning languages that they will barely use after a few weeks vacation...
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.711236
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account. names have been changed for privacy. i (25f) participated in a study abroad program in spain my junior year of college and had a fantastic experience. while i was there i became good friends with my host sister paula, who was around my age. despite living on separate continents the two of us have remained very close and talk all the time. paula (26f) and her husband rafael (35m) visited the u.s. for the first time last year and stayed with my husband ian (27m) and me for a week in upstate new york. they don’t speak much english, but they made an effort to use the language as much as possible around us, despite clearly struggling with it, so that ian could be included in our conversations. before they left, paula and rafael thanked us for our hospitality and said they wanted to return the favor. they invited us to stay with them at their home in madrid for a week and show us around the city. ian was very enthusiastic about the idea, since he had never been to europe before, and we accepted the offer with pleasure. in the months leading up to our trip, i asked ian to please brush up on some basic spanish (he took two years of it in high school but obviously hadn’t used it in a while), because we were going to be guests in another country. i offered to help him practice many times, since i speak spanish fluently, but he always declined. well, we just got back from spain, and he refused to speak more than three words of spanish (“buenos días” and “gracias”) the whole time we were there. the rest of the time, he would only address paula and rafael (or anyone else we met) in english and i had to keep stepping in as translator. paula and rafael were gracious as always and reassured us it wasn’t a problem, but they sounded pretty tired by the end of the week. i translated for ian as much as i could, which was mentally exhausting, and i felt frustrated that he wouldn’t make more of an effort. ian says he felt embarrassed and self-conscious speaking another language and that nobody would have expected him to do so as an american. i say that learning the basics of the language is a basic courtesy when traveling to a non-english-speaking country, and especially when staying in somebody’s home.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. names have been changed for privacy. i (25f) participated in a study abroad program in spain my junior year of college and had a fantastic experience. while i was there i became good friends with my host sister paula, who was around my age. despite living on separate continents the two of us have remained very close and talk all the time. paula (26f) and her husband rafael (35m) visited the u.s. for the first time last year and stayed with my husband ian (27m) and me for a week in upstate new york. they don’t speak much english, but they made an effort to use the language as much as possible around us, despite clearly struggling with it, so that ian could be included in our conversations. before they left, paula and rafael thanked us for our hospitality and said they wanted to return the favor. they invited us to stay with them at their home in madrid for a week and show us around the city. ian was very enthusiastic about the idea, since he had never been to europe before, and we accepted the offer with pleasure. in the months leading up to our trip, i asked ian to please brush up on some basic spanish (he took two years of it in high school but obviously hadn’t used it in a while), because we were going to be guests in another country. i offered to help him practice many times, since i speak spanish fluently, but he always declined. well, we just got back from spain, and he refused to speak more than three words of spanish (“buenos días” and “gracias”) the whole time we were there. the rest of the time, he would only address paula and rafael (or anyone else we met) in english and i had to keep stepping in as translator. paula and rafael were gracious as always and reassured us it wasn’t a problem, but they sounded pretty tired by the end of the week. i translated for ian as much as i could, which was mentally exhausting, and i felt frustrated that he wouldn’t make more of an effort. ian says he felt embarrassed and self-conscious speaking another language and that nobody would have expected him to do so as an american. i say that learning the basics of the language is a basic courtesy when traveling to a non-english-speaking country, and especially when staying in somebody’s home. [/INST] info: when you say "basics" what exactly to you mean? because it's fairly easy to learn how to say stuff like "how much does this cost?" and "what time is the next train?" but it's really hard to learn how to understand the answers. (i learned this the hard way on a high school trip to montreal.) </s>
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AITA for dropping the "We're Not Having Kids, Now Stop Bringing It Up" bomb on my MIL?
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my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking.
my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal.
so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know.
i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance."
mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!"
i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me.
mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!"
husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated.
after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period."
well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them.
my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.)
i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
| 26,180
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5hirx/aita_for_dropping_the_were_not_having_kids_now/
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2019-03-25 22:34:21
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nta.
> well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies
i think it's clear who is ta here
> i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding
oh! they paid for babies!
you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta.
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nta, i hate people that are pushy about big life choices. it's not her life, it's not her choice, whether you guys have kids or not. you aren't an asshole for refusing to have children, nor are you an asshole for making it very clear that you never intend to have children.
&#x200b;
also, the "motherhood is a woman's greatest calling" thing is freaking sexist.
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nta at all and i thought i was on r/justnomil because of how awful this is. she’s a major asshole who is continuing to disrespect you and your body, treating you like an incubator.
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nta. if you want to be an asshole but still a smaller asshole than your mil you and you partner can both go get a new last name and send the announcement with their $400 check.
imagine being so weird about what other people decide to do in regards to kids.
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my god! your delivery of "no!" was epic.
and she still persisted. you're not [last name] until?? hahaha. grade a stupidity. there's no making peace with this kind of dumb. you'll have to be more aggressively degrading to get your point accross and then she'll just switch to name calling.
you are absolutely nta.
black flag her visits and chats.
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nta. you gave your mil several nice requests to stop asking about it, and you had to be direct. she is the asshole for being so pushy about it after you stopped, and demanding a refund for her rehearsal dinner and saying all those mean things to you.
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nta - she was told enough time to drop it and she kept pushing... for years. ahe was told repeatedly it was none of her business and told to stop. she kept persisting to the point of your discomfort and i bet you cringed at the thought of even going over there to visit because you knew it was coming.
sometimes people need the shock of harsh reality to smack them in the face before they stop.
now you got to decide the best way forward- peacefully- because you’re family.
hand her the $400 back, write a cheque and post it to her without a word - just a note saying “wedding money returned as you requested”. this way you will see of she decides to cash it or not. this way you have absolutely no obligation to her. if she thinks she will hold $400 over your heads to try and make you have kids then she’s got another thing coming.
as for her “listening to me” bs. reply you’ve heard everything that she has had to say on the subject over the years and shes has said enough.
also say along the lines of mil, i thought you genuinely liked me for me, not my ability to be an incubator. my status as a parent doesn’t change my position in this family, not husbands. we need to to accept our decision and move past this and love us for who we are... just as we are
for the record i have a bunch of kids, more than average kidlets actually. but my bff and her husband are very happy being child free and having disposable income which they use to travel the world whilst i change diapers and live vicariously through her adventures lol. she loves my kids and always sends the cool gifts from her travels and is perfectly content as cool-honarary-aunt status. i respect her decision to not have kids just as much as she respects my decision to have them. i honestly don’t think she will regret her decision down the track as she put heaps of thought into it and it’s not a easy decision to make as our biological urge is to procreate.
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nta sure you probably could have handled it with more grace, but she wouldn’t take the hint. honestly i’d also say your husband is an asshole for not standing up to his mother more. it’s his mother, he needs to be leading this battle.
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nta.
your life, your decisions.
join us: /r/childfree or /r/truechildfree
you should post this over there.
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nta, your mil needs a lesson in boundaries. fuck this “motherhood is a woman’s highest calling” bs. what about women who can’t conceive or who miscarry? it’s just misogyny. good for you for standing up to her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita? [/INST] nta. > well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies i think it's clear who is ta here > i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding oh! they paid for babies! you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta. </s>
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AITA for leaving my cheating wife and her child for good?
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i like to keep this as short as possible and leave out any unnecessary details. if you feel like you need more information, just ask. also, english is not my first language, so my wording might come over a bit strange at times.
so last week, due to a digital blunder, i did find out that my wife of 7 years has been cheating on me 5 years ago. when confronted, my wife did confess and i further learned that our child is a result of said affair - hence, it's not actually mine. cheating is an absolute no-go for me and she knows that. so after i had the confirmation, i immediately decided to divorce, for which i will be filing soon.
now when it comes to "my" kid, something in me changed as well. i always wanted to have kids but to me it's important that they are biologically mine. so i decided to not only leave my wife but also her child for good. it will be up to the the court whether i will have to pay alimony and if i have to, i will. but i will cut all contact. i know it will be hard for the kid and i know that the kid did nothing wrong. but neither did i. i didn't sign up for this so i am walking out. my soon-to-be ex-wife and her infidelity is to blame entirely.
am i the asshole?
| 3,476
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bsh41y/aita_for_leaving_my_cheating_wife_and_her_child/
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2019-05-24 13:45:04
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esh - you have every right to leave your wife and i think you should. but don't close yourself off to the kid. in his eyes you'll always be his real father because you're the one who was there when he was born. make an effort to continue seeing him even if you don't have to pay alimony.
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nta for leaving the wife but its a little concerning that you have no attachment to a child you have been raising and did believe was yours. for that you are a massive asshole. that child is innocent and although your wife is to blame for the affair and lying, you are the one damaging the child by abandoning them.
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esh - your wife for being a cheater, for which you have every right to dump her, but man, you're not even remotely conflicted about the kid. a kid is more than just a show-off trophy for the fact that your sperm works, dude, at least pretend you loved him/her a little.
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god i love reddit. i will never understand how a bunch of people,who presumably don't have any kids, can say "yea, fuck that kid that you literally raised and loved for 5 years! that kid deserves nothing!" like emotional ties to someone you raised for 5 years can just be cut so easily.... lmao.
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yta - not for leaving your wife, but because i don't think you ever loved this child.
&#x200b;
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esh
obviously nta for leaving your wife. but your child? he/she is old enough to know you, to know who daddy is, to see you as a father figure. you've loved that child for over four years. and now you just don't anymore? not at all? because it doesn't share your dna?
leave your wife, she doesn't deserve you. but it's not the child's fault that his/her mother cheated. and you leaving now just like that will negatively impact him/her pschologically. in the end, it's your decision. but do you honestly care so little for that child that you've loved for all those years to not keep some sort of relationship with him/her?
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i’m sorry op this is a horrible situation to find yourself in.
that said, i am always amazed when people can just turn off their emotions for a kid in these kinds of situations.. i feel like the kid is the ultimate not the arsehole in this situation.
that said, you can’t help how you feel. if your wife’s infidelity has caused so much damage that you couldn’t parent this child with the love and compassion they deserve then it’s probably best you leave them to it.
esh apart from the kid
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nta - i feel sorry for you man, the child not being yours? thats an unforgivable lie from your wife at least to me. i hope things get better.
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nta for leaving an unfaithful woman.
but kinda ta for your willingness to just abandon a child you've been raising. has a dna test been done? if she was with you both intimately, there is a chance the child is yours. maybe start there?
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nta for wanting to leave hour wife, but yta for wanting nothing to do with the kid that, up until now, you cared about and loved.
like you said, it's not the kid's fault and you used to enjoy being his or her father, right? and like you said, dna doesn't matter. it's honestly a bit concerning that you can totally just stop caring about someone that you believed was your child.
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.639132
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i like to keep this as short as possible and leave out any unnecessary details. if you feel like you need more information, just ask. also, english is not my first language, so my wording might come over a bit strange at times. so last week, due to a digital blunder, i did find out that my wife of 7 years has been cheating on me 5 years ago. when confronted, my wife did confess and i further learned that our child is a result of said affair - hence, it's not actually mine. cheating is an absolute no-go for me and she knows that. so after i had the confirmation, i immediately decided to divorce, for which i will be filing soon. now when it comes to "my" kid, something in me changed as well. i always wanted to have kids but to me it's important that they are biologically mine. so i decided to not only leave my wife but also her child for good. it will be up to the the court whether i will have to pay alimony and if i have to, i will. but i will cut all contact. i know it will be hard for the kid and i know that the kid did nothing wrong. but neither did i. i didn't sign up for this so i am walking out. my soon-to-be ex-wife and her infidelity is to blame entirely. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i like to keep this as short as possible and leave out any unnecessary details. if you feel like you need more information, just ask. also, english is not my first language, so my wording might come over a bit strange at times. so last week, due to a digital blunder, i did find out that my wife of 7 years has been cheating on me 5 years ago. when confronted, my wife did confess and i further learned that our child is a result of said affair - hence, it's not actually mine. cheating is an absolute no-go for me and she knows that. so after i had the confirmation, i immediately decided to divorce, for which i will be filing soon. now when it comes to "my" kid, something in me changed as well. i always wanted to have kids but to me it's important that they are biologically mine. so i decided to not only leave my wife but also her child for good. it will be up to the the court whether i will have to pay alimony and if i have to, i will. but i will cut all contact. i know it will be hard for the kid and i know that the kid did nothing wrong. but neither did i. i didn't sign up for this so i am walking out. my soon-to-be ex-wife and her infidelity is to blame entirely. am i the asshole? [/INST] esh - you have every right to leave your wife and i think you should. but don't close yourself off to the kid. in his eyes you'll always be his real father because you're the one who was there when he was born. make an effort to continue seeing him even if you don't have to pay alimony. </s>
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AITA for starting a house project without discussing it with my wife?
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my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for.
i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him.
one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched.
aita?
| 11,001
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whvysq/aita_for_starting_a_house_project_without/
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2022-08-06 19:18:27
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yta, and this is not just about fixing up a room. this is about your allowing your friend part ownership and control over a place in your house you share with your wife. what were you going to do, give him a key?
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yta
jfc, not only are you an ah for unilaterally deciding the use of an entire room in your house, but for a level of emotional infidelity with your new bestie.
you don't just *give* access to your house to someone without the consent of your partner. you literally prioritized this third person's artistic hobby over your relationship with your wife. over your wife's expectation to be in her house without a random person there. you thought of this gift, committed money and time to it, and started working on it, without even letting her know?! that's wildly inappropriate.
that's serious life entanglement level shit. it's a half step away from allowing to ben to move in. did you even consider boundaries for this dynamic? what if he wanted to invite others over to collaborate, or if he wanted to do drugs while there? are *you* going to clean the bathroom more often to cover the extra use from another person? is he going to be staying for dinner anytime he's working? that kind of stuff, which all could have been ironed out with your wife.
i get this relationship is important to you, but your behavior is seriously out of line. you need to apologize to your wife and step back from this plan. you and your wife can decide together, what you want to do with this space. don't push that ben should be allowed to use it like a studio of his own. that's a super messy idea, practically, emotionally, and literally.
oh, and what did you do for your wife's last birthday? hint: if it wasn't something as big and dramatic as converting a room in a house to her hobby, you're even more of an ah. you're weirdly prioritizing this relationship over your wife, and you need a serious reality check.
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i’m curious, if this room is a studio for both you and ben, will ben have a house key to use it when he wants? even if he doesn’t have a key, your wife may be uncomfortable with your friend hanging out all the time especially if she is home alone. yta for making this decision without consulting with your wife and listening to any concerns she may have. sounds like you would prefer to spend your free time with ben instead of your wife.
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look i'm just going to throw it out there because i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one thinking it. they way you talk about this relationship with ben vs your wife makes it sound like he's more than just a friend. maybe it's on a subconscious level only.
- you don't unilaterally decide what to do with a room in a house you share with your wife
- it's weird that your first thought is oh, i want to set up this space for me and the friend
- it's weird that you view this as some kind of gift to the friend, on top of whatever else you've gotten him
- it's weird you want to give a key to the house you share with your wife to the friend without asking her
yta
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"his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio...."
what else are you getting him for his birthday, op, is what i want to know.
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yta. you’re married. this should have been a joint decision. why would you not be the ah??
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yta you know your wife is invested in wanting to do something with this room, it was hugely disrespectful not to include her in this decision making process.
it's also wild that your plans for this toom included a third person who it sounds like she doesn't know very well, but that wasn't worth running by her either.
do you have other friends who have free access to your home? or was this going to be a new thing that you surprised her with?
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am i the only one that this this guy is in love with his friend?? but either way yta
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100% yta. you don't do anything at all for 2 years, even though you and your wife had discussed various uses for the room, but as soon as you get a good buddy, all of a sudden you think you get to decide what to do with the room? for someone else? that they have to come into your home whenever they want to use it?
just ... wow.
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yta - you are married. you share space. did you not tell her to avoid a conversation? when were you going to tell her ben would be coming over to paint? your behavior seems odd. explain what you want and be open to her input.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. aita? [/INST] yta, and this is not just about fixing up a room. this is about your allowing your friend part ownership and control over a place in your house you share with your wife. what were you going to do, give him a key? </s>
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AITA For Not Baking Much For My Family
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i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite.
well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried.
i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
| 36,803
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gcr7vr/aita_for_not_baking_much_for_my_family/
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2020-05-03 14:10:08
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nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter
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nta. as a fellow baker fuck them. it's really annoying when you have a skill and family thinks they're entitled to the benefits of said skill. had my brother's dad expect me to make a wedding cake for his daughter at one point. for free mind you.
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and look how much gf appreciated what you had been doing. she secretly made a scrapbook for you of everything you made for her. now that is sweet and you are nta!
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given you’re living at home and your mum and sister had to have been at least somewhat aware of the frequency of your baking (100 dishes in two years seems like roughly once a week... often enough to be noticeable) it’s really strange to me that they’re just deciding to be mad about this now. surely if this was a real issue it could have been raised much earlier. nta.
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paragraph 1: wholesome
paragraph 2: even more wholesome, why is this on this sub?!
paragraph 3: but why didn't you make **me** dessert????!!!!
nta
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aww i’m imagining a 14 year old baking and another 14 year old taking pictures and writing it all down. warms my heart.
your family definitely won’t appreciate your baking like your girlfriend does.
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info - who buys your ingredients? is it your parents or do you have a job/allowance you use?
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nta - it’s your choice to bake for whoever you want. if they want to bake/spend time with you they should ask.
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nta, but your girlfriend is so cute and sweet that i can’t even focus on how big of assholes your family is.
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nta - that was an amazing and thoughtful present and it seems like your mom and sis are being incredibly jealous
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts. [/INST] nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pay for my wedding?
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throwaway so it sounds bad, but hear me out me (27m) and my gf (26f) just got engaged. i've always said that i didn't want a wedding and she knows that. but now she wants to have a wedding, which i am very much against, i dont like weddings at all, they're a waste of time and they're a waste of money in my humble opinion.
but she insists on having one she says shes always planned this moment, i doubt that cause this is the first time i'm hearing of her plans. so i did some research to see how much a wedding would cost, so it would cost $60k - $80k in total for what she wants. now we can afford that (we both make like $100k a year) but im not comfortable throwing that much money on one day, that's a brand new car, or down payment for a house money. is a one day party worth our future security?
therefore i decided to compromise with her, instead of a full fat wedding wed have an informal party with friends and family. that could be accomplished for a third off the cost. for example a bouquet costs $50-$80 at most. wedding flowers are $150-$200!! but no shes dead set on having a traditional wedding. this way she can have a party and we don't need expensive white gowns that will only be worn once.
so i'm at my wits end and i tell her that we can have a wedding if she can pay for it. this absolutely pissed her off. she called me a cheapskate, i mean fair enough, but id rather put that money towards our house or a retirement fund or even a kick ass vacation together. but she doesn't see it that way.
i'm really starting to wonder if im with the right person.
so aita?
&#x200b;
| 1,922
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p869g9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_wedding/
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2021-08-20 14:25:05
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esh. this is one of those things where it should actually be pretty easy to compromise. you don't need to spend *anywhere near* $50-80k.
but telling her "we can have a wedding if she can pay for it" is not a compromise, it's just an efficient way to destroy your marriage before it's even started.
stop dismissing something that's important to her as "a one day party," and start working out, realistically, how you can meet in the middle, and precisely what you can afford to spend.
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nah - you’re both entitled to wants on a wedding. however, if you two can’t figure this out and find a way that makes both of you happy, you two should not get married. the idea of “you handle it alone” is not how strong marriages last.
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esh
you are both at two extremes here. if you two can’t sit down and compromise on a reasonable budget for a wedding than maybe you shouldn’t get married. i’m not saying you have to have a wedding for a good marriage but you do have to be willing to compromise.
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you both make around 100k a year. you don't want to spend over 1/4 of your yearly combined income. totally acceptable, i wouldn't want to either.
however, people have beautiful weddings for under 20k. my best friend's wedding was amazing and they did it for ~12k. and yeah, it was a full fat wedding with a reception and open bar and catering and everything.
esh. you're both about to enter into a joint partnership, and it's all about compromise and problem solving and being considerate about how the other person feels.
it sounds like you both can easily afford something under 20k together. meet in the middle. your fiancée is unwilling to budge from what you've said, and you've given an extreme ultimatum without actually asking her why all of a sudden she wants to spend a boatload of money, or communicating with her about the most important aspects she wants and figuring it out together from there.
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nah - i get her dreaming about her wedding. but also you wanting to save money. and there’s plenty of ways to do it cheaply. like doing the flowers yourself/friend. go out and pick them. do a buffet and make the food together. second hand dress. maybe even try eloping abroad. you spend the money but you get a holiday too. but you do need to talk about it. together. compromise with a budget that seems reasonable to both of you. if she knows this is how you’ve always felt about weddings she should understand
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first of all, a combined income of $200k does not mean you can comfortably afford an $80k wedding. that’s…what? how will you eat?
anyways, it’s your mindset that if you have an indian wedding, it has to be huge. it does not. source? me. are you going to have to make some tough decisions? yes, but, those same people would be upset at you for not having any wedding at all.
this, right here, is a good starting point for priorities and compromise. it is important to your fiancée to have a traditional wedding and it is important to you that it not break the bank. stop caring what your aunt’s second cousin may say or that your cousin’s sister-in-law will be offended. those people do not matter.
nah
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nta. tell her that you have put $xx aside for the wedding and that's all you will spent. but you can have a beautiful wedding for less than $60-80k, so it sounds like she wants a "platinum" wedding.
i agree that's way too much to spend on a wedding, but if you two are arguing about money before even saying "i do", postpone the marriage until you get on the same page about finances.
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nah. you have a disagreement. but you're confused about "her paying for it". if she must foot this bill alone, that means you'll be paying more for daily items. are you thinking you'll get a new audi every three years with "your money" but she'll be driving her 2007 camry until the wedding is paid off? that sounds like a recipe for divorce, at which point she'll take half of "your money" and you'll take half of "her money".
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i almost said everyone sucks here but your attitude makes yta
full disclosure: i'm 35f, indian-american and do not want a big wedding, let alone a big fat indian wedding. i'd like to elope. i hate being the center of attention and i personally think weddings are a waste of money. however if my partner felt differently, i would 100% compromise.
i googled it--the average wedding in the us is about $30k. the average indian wedding in the us...$200k.
what your fiance is requesting is well below the indian-wedding average.
a down payment on a house is one thing. however, you said that you would also be willing to spend 60-80k on a brand new car or a "kick-ass vacation".
personally, i would never spend $60k on a wedding, a car or a vacation. my last car was $16k and i drove it for 15 years.
looking at how you value money and taking into account that the avg indian wedding in the us is 200 freaking k, is $65k off-base? that's a question for you to answer.
can you both work together to create a beautiful wedding for under $65k? that's a question for you both to answer.
also, from reading your post, i feel like the two of you could benefit from couple's counseling.
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[deleted]
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ESH
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NAH
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ESH
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ESH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
| null | 0.447651
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway so it sounds bad, but hear me out me (27m) and my gf (26f) just got engaged. i've always said that i didn't want a wedding and she knows that. but now she wants to have a wedding, which i am very much against, i dont like weddings at all, they're a waste of time and they're a waste of money in my humble opinion. but she insists on having one she says shes always planned this moment, i doubt that cause this is the first time i'm hearing of her plans. so i did some research to see how much a wedding would cost, so it would cost $60k - $80k in total for what she wants. now we can afford that (we both make like $100k a year) but im not comfortable throwing that much money on one day, that's a brand new car, or down payment for a house money. is a one day party worth our future security? therefore i decided to compromise with her, instead of a full fat wedding wed have an informal party with friends and family. that could be accomplished for a third off the cost. for example a bouquet costs $50-$80 at most. wedding flowers are $150-$200!! but no shes dead set on having a traditional wedding. this way she can have a party and we don't need expensive white gowns that will only be worn once. so i'm at my wits end and i tell her that we can have a wedding if she can pay for it. this absolutely pissed her off. she called me a cheapskate, i mean fair enough, but id rather put that money towards our house or a retirement fund or even a kick ass vacation together. but she doesn't see it that way. i'm really starting to wonder if im with the right person. so aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway so it sounds bad, but hear me out me (27m) and my gf (26f) just got engaged. i've always said that i didn't want a wedding and she knows that. but now she wants to have a wedding, which i am very much against, i dont like weddings at all, they're a waste of time and they're a waste of money in my humble opinion. but she insists on having one she says shes always planned this moment, i doubt that cause this is the first time i'm hearing of her plans. so i did some research to see how much a wedding would cost, so it would cost $60k - $80k in total for what she wants. now we can afford that (we both make like $100k a year) but im not comfortable throwing that much money on one day, that's a brand new car, or down payment for a house money. is a one day party worth our future security? therefore i decided to compromise with her, instead of a full fat wedding wed have an informal party with friends and family. that could be accomplished for a third off the cost. for example a bouquet costs $50-$80 at most. wedding flowers are $150-$200!! but no shes dead set on having a traditional wedding. this way she can have a party and we don't need expensive white gowns that will only be worn once. so i'm at my wits end and i tell her that we can have a wedding if she can pay for it. this absolutely pissed her off. she called me a cheapskate, i mean fair enough, but id rather put that money towards our house or a retirement fund or even a kick ass vacation together. but she doesn't see it that way. i'm really starting to wonder if im with the right person. so aita? &#x200b; [/INST] esh. this is one of those things where it should actually be pretty easy to compromise. you don't need to spend *anywhere near* $50-80k. but telling her "we can have a wedding if she can pay for it" is not a compromise, it's just an efficient way to destroy your marriage before it's even started. stop dismissing something that's important to her as "a one day party," and start working out, realistically, how you can meet in the middle, and precisely what you can afford to spend. </s>
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AITA for convincing my girlfriend NOT to wear a white dress on our wedding day?
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so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months.
i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day.
my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me.
my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead.
now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita?
| 12,002
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8u666/aita_for_convincing_my_girlfriend_not_to_wear_a/
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2020-12-08 01:13:25
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yta. for a dude marrying a girl nearly a decade younger, you sure are worried about what mommy thinks.
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yta. i am a 65 year old christian grandmother and that is an unkind, judgemental and controlling thing for you to do. truly it is spirit crushing to hear when people pretend that this kind of finger-pointing idea is christian in nature. he makes all things new. if you want to love and honor her as your wife ask her forgiveness and god's for being unkind and encourage her to choose whatever dress she wants.
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info: are you a virgin? if not, what will you be wearing on your wedding day to signify how you've been tainted?
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yta. way to humiliate your wife over something she has no reason to be ashamed of. also fun fact: brides in western cultures started wearing white because queen victoria did as a fashion statement not to symbolize their “pureness”
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yta i can’t believe you’re trying to publicly shame her on your wedding day. are you a virgin? should you wear something on to identify your shame?! she should run!
wow, thanks for the rewards!
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yta big time. i’m a christian and i’d like to remind you that jesus turned sins that were like scarlet into white as snow. he who is without sin may cast the first stone. if you have a problem with her past, don’t marry her. that’s super messed up on so many levels dude. it’s a dress.... and it’s her dress. she can wear whatever color she wants. you should support her and not judge her.
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yta. that is humiliating. one- the idea that a woman/person is "impure" because they've had sex is disgusting. two, she's sacrificing something that may be important or traditional for her- wearing white, which she wanted to do- for other's beliefs. three, she's announcing to your conservative, judgemental family she's "impure". thats like labelling her for judgement and abuse from them. i can only imagine how she feels.
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info are you a virgin ?
|
yta. your future bride shouldn’t have to forgo a white gown just bc your family is old-fashioned. it is humiliating. stand up for your fiancée.
|
yta, and this "christian" tradition of yours is utterly made up. wedding dress colors have varied for centuries, and it's wild to me that you feel a need to announce her sexual history to everyone at your wedding.
i hope she sticks to her guns on this one, or she's going to be in for a long ride of a sexist husband and overbearing mother in law.
|
YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.016
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months. i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day. my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me. my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead. now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so me (32m) and my soon to be wife (23f) are planing to get married in a few months. i come from a very religious house hold with strong cristian beliefs and one of the traditions in my family is if the woman getting married isn’t still a virgin they shouldn’t wear a white dress on their wedding day. my family knows my soon to be wife wasn’t a virgin when i met her because my mom asked me when i started dating her if she was pure, and i was honest and told her she had boyfriends before she met me. my wife was really upset when i asked her if she could wear a coloured dress on our wedding day but she agreed, so we’re looking at getting glittery blue dress instead. now she’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but i really don’t see how it’s a big deal. aita? [/INST] yta. for a dude marrying a girl nearly a decade younger, you sure are worried about what mommy thinks. </s>
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AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for posting pictures of himself and his sister when they went on a road trip together?
|
my[25f] boyfriend[25m] of 1 and a half years went on a road trip with his sister[27f i think?] this past week, and while i wanted to go as well, i knew it wasn’t in my rights to force them to take me so i said nothing.
however, my boyfriend and his sister posted a lot of pictures on her social media of their experiences in the road trip. there are some really weird pictures though. most notably, one of the pictures show my boyfriend’s sister kissing him on the cheek and some other photos show her with her arm around his neck. i feel like many may interpret them as a couple rather than a sister-brother relationship.
when my boyfriend got back yesterday, i got pissed at him and asked him about the photos. he said that i was being weird but i pressed on for a couple times and he got pissed and called me a pervert. he hasn’t called or texted me since. aita? i mean i feel like the pictures were kind of weird.
| 7,819
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tt7igo/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_boyfriend_for/
|
2022-03-31 19:24:33
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yta. there's still time to take this down.
|
a kiss on the cheek and an arm around her neck? oh my god in my family we are all lovers then. yta and if i was him i would seriously have a talk and re evaluate the relationship
|
yta. why are you sexualizing this? like your family has never kissed you on the cheek. they were having a good time, and you let your jealousy get the better of you. yta yta yta.
|
you are accusing him of an incestuous relationship with his sister because you think sibling affection is weird, you got some issues you should talk to a professional about.
|
yta, they're brother and sister. not friends, not exes. some families show affection a bit more than others but it means nothing. you're coming off as jealous and needing of reassurance.
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yta. getting jealous of a sibling, and reaching for it to be sexual when it’s not, is on a whole other level of toxic that i frankly didn’t think was possible until now. stop caring about what other people think and work on your own shit.
|
yta.
more to the point, you need help with a really weird type of jealousy. you're so jealous that normal affection between family members is setting you off. that's not good for you, or anyone else who's in a relationship with you.
|
yta
that's his sister.. his.. older. sister
you sound like you need therapy, whether that is for the weird assumption but it also sounds like you're jealous you couldn't go along
|
yta - that is some next-level jealousy. he won't stick around long if you keep that up.
|
lmfao!!!!! yta. your bf is hopefully trying to figure out how to dump you
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my[25f] boyfriend[25m] of 1 and a half years went on a road trip with his sister[27f i think?] this past week, and while i wanted to go as well, i knew it wasn’t in my rights to force them to take me so i said nothing. however, my boyfriend and his sister posted a lot of pictures on her social media of their experiences in the road trip. there are some really weird pictures though. most notably, one of the pictures show my boyfriend’s sister kissing him on the cheek and some other photos show her with her arm around his neck. i feel like many may interpret them as a couple rather than a sister-brother relationship. when my boyfriend got back yesterday, i got pissed at him and asked him about the photos. he said that i was being weird but i pressed on for a couple times and he got pissed and called me a pervert. he hasn’t called or texted me since. aita? i mean i feel like the pictures were kind of weird.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my[25f] boyfriend[25m] of 1 and a half years went on a road trip with his sister[27f i think?] this past week, and while i wanted to go as well, i knew it wasn’t in my rights to force them to take me so i said nothing. however, my boyfriend and his sister posted a lot of pictures on her social media of their experiences in the road trip. there are some really weird pictures though. most notably, one of the pictures show my boyfriend’s sister kissing him on the cheek and some other photos show her with her arm around his neck. i feel like many may interpret them as a couple rather than a sister-brother relationship. when my boyfriend got back yesterday, i got pissed at him and asked him about the photos. he said that i was being weird but i pressed on for a couple times and he got pissed and called me a pervert. he hasn’t called or texted me since. aita? i mean i feel like the pictures were kind of weird. [/INST] yta. there's still time to take this down. </s>
|
AITA for telling my brother's girlfriend what he was planning to do before he passed away?
|
my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother.
here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues.
seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her.
i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did.
| 13,402
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sct27x/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_girlfriend_what_he/
|
2022-01-26 01:00:38
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yta - what good is that information to her, it was only going to hurt her more. she has a right to mourn for him. they were still together, and whose to say they wouldn't have worked through their issues had he discussed them with her.
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holy hell yta. what a horribly cruel thing to do
|
oh, not “might” be, you’re a raging asshole. you have your family. she’s lost her place to live on top of the loss of her boyfriend. way to kick someone while they’re down.
yta
|
yta.
this wasn't something she needed to hear. you literally watched her spiral into a deep dark depression where she was rapidly losing weight not showering barely functioning and you thought this was an ideal time to sit down and say "hey yea brother just passed but btw he was planning on dumping you next month. he wasn't happy with you and no longer wanted to be with you. welp that's off my chest bye"
seriously? she is still in the stages of grief of losing him suddenly. also he could've changed his mind since it wasn't set in stone. you were unnecessarily cruel to her to be cruel to her. you had no reason to tell her this (nor so soon) and you did it because you wanted to be cruel. you're beyond the ta. you need to grow up go to therapy and actually reflect on what you did. no amounts of apologies will mend this. you've screwed up the relationship you had with her and your family forever.
shame on you.
|
info: are you going back upstairs to kick her later? might as well.
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[removed]
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dude. yta.
what outcome were you expecting there?
|
yta what is the point of telling her? did you really think that would make her feel better, not worse? and if you knew it would upset her...then why in the world? this is the kind of thing you don't ever have to say. what would be the reason? he's not here anymore.
|
yta. no possible good could come if telling her this. except maybe easing your conscience; you should have told someone - anyone - else. ffs.
|
hmmm...this scenario was the top post in one of those (bored panda?) posts about 'secrets that don't need to be told' earlier today.
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother. here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues. seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her. i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother. here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues. seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her. i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did. [/INST] yta - what good is that information to her, it was only going to hurt her more. she has a right to mourn for him. they were still together, and whose to say they wouldn't have worked through their issues had he discussed them with her. </s>
|
AITA for donating my roommate's groceries after he threw out my food?
|
so a few days ago i ordered a large pizza with a couple sides which came out to around $40. the next day when i went to go eat some leftovers (probably 75% left at least) i realized it wasn't there. after asking around my one roommate said he threw it out because it was old. we went back and forth until i showed him my receipt from the night before which proved it wasn't old. i insisted he pay me back but he said it was a simple mistake so he doesn't owe me anything.
&#x200b;
fast forward to today when my roommate bought himself a bunch of groceries for the week. after restocking his cabinets and fridge he immediately left to go hangout at his girlfriend's house. so since he didn't repay me, i took all his non-perishable food that he bought and donated it to the local food bank. he's now insisting that i pay for his stuff that i "threw out" even though i insist that it's just a simple mistake. does that make me the asshole?
| 1,618
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e7qewo/aita_for_donating_my_roommates_groceries_after_he/
|
2019-12-08 06:26:44
|
esh, but you were justified. he needed to learn a lesson. he 1) shouldn't have taken your food and 2) should definitely have paid you $30.
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he ate the pizza
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esh. you're both being very petty.
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esh i hate when people respond to pettiness with more pettiness.
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esh. throwing away the pizza may have been a mistake, but not rectifying it is juvenile. your response was fitting, but unnecessary. all in all it is a very small squabble that you both will move past (hopefully?).
on a related note, i ended up laughing thinking about what would happen if it escalated. he gets mad and donates all your food. you get mad and donate all his clothes to a homeless shelter. he gets mad and donates all your stuff to red cross. it ends with you dropping him off at the front doors of goodwill. at least you know where to go next if you guys don't make amends lol.
|
nta. i think that was a genius move. making something good out of a lame situation, and you have paper proof it did t go into the trash. did you take like only 35-40 dollars worth and do that? if it was substantially more, then you owe him the difference.
|
nta he threw out your food, why is he even touching your food without saying anything to you, first of all. secondly to refuse paying you back after throwing your food out is a huge dick move. the only reason i could see him being justified, honestly, is if you’re generally a dick and leave old food on the fridge on a consistent basis and he’s tired of dealing with your gross habit and just threw it out.
|
esh this is a classic 2 wrongs don’t make a right. but honestly i can’t say i would not have done the same
|
hah. i feel like people are going to go e s h, which i get, but i’m saying nta. probably not the wisest course of action... but he should have paid you back for the pizza.
|
info: do you have a habit of putting leftovers away and then 'forgetting' about them? i have a room mate who is constantly throwing leftovers in my fridge, *then never touches them again.* every week on trash night, i'll fill up a whole trash bag full of his leftovers - i def wouldn't be able to notice if one take out container was newer than another with the sheer volume of food he leaves in there!
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
|
INFO
| 0.484844
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so a few days ago i ordered a large pizza with a couple sides which came out to around $40. the next day when i went to go eat some leftovers (probably 75% left at least) i realized it wasn't there. after asking around my one roommate said he threw it out because it was old. we went back and forth until i showed him my receipt from the night before which proved it wasn't old. i insisted he pay me back but he said it was a simple mistake so he doesn't owe me anything. &#x200b; fast forward to today when my roommate bought himself a bunch of groceries for the week. after restocking his cabinets and fridge he immediately left to go hangout at his girlfriend's house. so since he didn't repay me, i took all his non-perishable food that he bought and donated it to the local food bank. he's now insisting that i pay for his stuff that i "threw out" even though i insist that it's just a simple mistake. does that make me the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so a few days ago i ordered a large pizza with a couple sides which came out to around $40. the next day when i went to go eat some leftovers (probably 75% left at least) i realized it wasn't there. after asking around my one roommate said he threw it out because it was old. we went back and forth until i showed him my receipt from the night before which proved it wasn't old. i insisted he pay me back but he said it was a simple mistake so he doesn't owe me anything. &#x200b; fast forward to today when my roommate bought himself a bunch of groceries for the week. after restocking his cabinets and fridge he immediately left to go hangout at his girlfriend's house. so since he didn't repay me, i took all his non-perishable food that he bought and donated it to the local food bank. he's now insisting that i pay for his stuff that i "threw out" even though i insist that it's just a simple mistake. does that make me the asshole? [/INST] esh, but you were justified. he needed to learn a lesson. he 1) shouldn't have taken your food and 2) should definitely have paid you $30. </s>
|
WIBTA :- For refusing to donate my kidney to my nephew.
|
(or, refuse to even check out if my kidney is a suit.)
so, i am 22(m) and have a nephew 8(m) who is genuinely a good kid and close to me.
around last year, nephew started to have some complications with his health and after having it checked out. basically in laymen terms, both his kidneys have failed and he is in need of a transplant (due to some complications dialysis wasn't feasable).
due to this complication both his parents and mine have checked out their suitability and none of them were a match. this has left just me in their close family.
but, i want neither to check or donate my organ and i have reasons, let me explain:-
i don't want to donate because frankly i am selfish and scared. i had always dreamt of being in army and have been in the defense academy for 3 years with last semester left. and if i donated any organs it will lead me to disqualify based on medical and will seriously hamper my whole life ( i don't have any useful degree that would help me in civilian life).
i don't want to get myself checked out for suitability because if i am a match, i know that i won't be able to live with myself knowing that i could have helped out my nephew.
| 2,051
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdf1z4/wibta_for_refusing_to_donate_my_kidney_to_my/
|
2019-07-15 08:54:27
|
nah. not only would donating seriously hamper your career, kidney donation may actually be dangerous long term in general... that being said obviously your family are not assholes for wanting you to check your suitability. his parents obviously would put him first.
|
nah.
but i don't envy you.
your chosen future, or your nephew. plus the knowledge that (rightfully or wrongfully) your aunt and uncle will forever blame you for the kids death.
my unqualified advice is, get checked separately. if you're not a match, release the results. problem solved. if you are a match then you have a choice to make.
good luck.
|
nah
you’re not required to donate organs to your extended family. you don’t need to provide a reason or explanation. but they’re not assholes for exploring every possible option to save their child.
|
nah
but you are going to live with guilt anyways if he dies and you never even checked.
&#x200b;
**
|
i say nah
noone should ever feel pressured to donate their organs. period.
|
nah. you shouldn’t ever feel forced to donate a kidney; in fact, any good organ donation process would counsel the donor and hopefully pick up on hesitance or feeling forced.
i really hope your nephew will receive a kidney, but you’re not an asshole for wanting to keep yours.
|
dude if you really believe you won’t be able to live with yourself (ignoring how your family may react towards you if your nephew dies and you never even checked). then will the possible career even be worth it in the end?.
|
i’d hesitate to call you an asshole because it’s your body and your choice and it wouldn’t be a small sacrifice but if you never got tested and he died, do you really think you’ll feel better for not knowing if you could have helped him?
|
nta.
there is something called kidney exchange donation. (might be the wrong term.)
basically, your nephew’s parents could donate an organ to an anonymous person, and in exchange get an organ from an anonymous donor. it’s sometimes three ways, because it’s fairly common that parents aren’t a good match, but they could be a good match for someone else, who isn’t a good match for them, but is for the third party.
i think in this situation, that would be the best way to go.
like you said, donating your kidney would mean your chosen career is off the table, and that is a *big* deal.
the people here shaming you and saying it’s your career or his life are assholes. and wrong, there are options.
|
nah. i don't think it's reasonable for them to ask you to sacrifice your future given your situation. it's your choice and i don't really see a right or wrong in this case.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.031651
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (or, refuse to even check out if my kidney is a suit.) so, i am 22(m) and have a nephew 8(m) who is genuinely a good kid and close to me. around last year, nephew started to have some complications with his health and after having it checked out. basically in laymen terms, both his kidneys have failed and he is in need of a transplant (due to some complications dialysis wasn't feasable). due to this complication both his parents and mine have checked out their suitability and none of them were a match. this has left just me in their close family. but, i want neither to check or donate my organ and i have reasons, let me explain:- i don't want to donate because frankly i am selfish and scared. i had always dreamt of being in army and have been in the defense academy for 3 years with last semester left. and if i donated any organs it will lead me to disqualify based on medical and will seriously hamper my whole life ( i don't have any useful degree that would help me in civilian life). i don't want to get myself checked out for suitability because if i am a match, i know that i won't be able to live with myself knowing that i could have helped out my nephew.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(or, refuse to even check out if my kidney is a suit.) so, i am 22(m) and have a nephew 8(m) who is genuinely a good kid and close to me. around last year, nephew started to have some complications with his health and after having it checked out. basically in laymen terms, both his kidneys have failed and he is in need of a transplant (due to some complications dialysis wasn't feasable). due to this complication both his parents and mine have checked out their suitability and none of them were a match. this has left just me in their close family. but, i want neither to check or donate my organ and i have reasons, let me explain:- i don't want to donate because frankly i am selfish and scared. i had always dreamt of being in army and have been in the defense academy for 3 years with last semester left. and if i donated any organs it will lead me to disqualify based on medical and will seriously hamper my whole life ( i don't have any useful degree that would help me in civilian life). i don't want to get myself checked out for suitability because if i am a match, i know that i won't be able to live with myself knowing that i could have helped out my nephew. [/INST] nah. not only would donating seriously hamper your career, kidney donation may actually be dangerous long term in general... that being said obviously your family are not assholes for wanting you to check your suitability. his parents obviously would put him first. </s>
|
AITA for refusing a “child free” couple on a family tour group?
|
my family runs a tour company that operates small to large tour groups around the surrounding region. these span from scenic tours, historic sites, and even some whale watching.
in order to make things run more smoothly, and also to the benefit of our customers, some of these tours are group focused. for example, we have tours specifically for chinese and taiwanese tourists with bilingual guides.
along these lines, my mother started organising family tours a while ago specifically for parents with young kids. she is very family oriented and these tours are her pride and joy so to speak, being specifically geared towards making sure the kids enjoy themselves as well as their parents. it’s also a great opportunity for kids to make new friends.
now, because these are a hobby of my mother and done for the benefit of new families, they are significantly cheaper than the main tours. 1 or 2 parents can simply buy a family pass for a set price and bring up to 3 kids at no extra cost. the family pass costs significantly less than two adult tickets for the equivalent normal tour group. for this reason, bringing at least one kid is mandatory, else people would take advantage of the price discrepancy. **we are very clear about this requirement.**
fast forward to yesterday, a couple without any kids shows up to a family tour they had booked online. i immediately bring this up and they explain they’re “child free” and booked this one since the normal one was full. i explained that this is a family tour and we are very clear about this requirement, which sparked a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against as a child free couple. the online booking system requires them to put in how many kids they have (1+) so they 100% knew they about this. they definitely lied to book the tour.
eventually i relented and offered to let them join the tour provided they pay the difference between this and the normal one for two adult tickets. they refuse saying they already paid online and shouldn’t have to pay more than the advertised price. again sparking a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against.
eventually the tour is set to leave and they, accepting im not gonna budge, demand at least a refund. i refuse since the tour was fully booked meaning their fraudulent online booking almost certainly meant we missed out on another family.
they claim this is illegal, at which point i gave them the contact details of our family’s lawyer and said we would be happy to see them in small claims court. they swore at me before walking off defeated.
since then our tour group has seen a bunch of fake reviews from a “child free” facebook page claiming we’re evil etc. luckily we got them removed since they’re obviously fake, but aita for my response to them?
**
| 2,945
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cjpfqn/aita_for_refusing_a_child_free_couple_on_a_family/
|
2019-07-30 09:43:26
|
esh
if you can afford to make a family pass of up to three kids plus parent(s) cost 'significantly less' than just a regular tour for two, you're basically charging people without kids extra to subsidize your mom's hobby. that's pretty crappy. also, if it's that much of a difference, you should expect people trying to cheat the system and that's entirely on you. (i guarantee you at least one 'family' you've had has been a couple with a nephew or watching a neighbor's kid or something just to get the cheaper rate.)
but at the same time, having an obnoxious system doesn't excuse their fraudulent booking, and they drastically overreacted.
|
nta
they lied & tried to take advantage of your generosity. not only that but by lying they denied a family with a child an opportunity to partake. fuck those folks.
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definitely nta. you said it, it is fraud. they tried to gain benefit by deception. the booking they tried to get required them to list the number of children they are bringing, and that is a requirement of that type of booking. anyone who says differently is a person who sees that sort of deception as acceptable. it isn't discrimination. if you had not allowed them to book any tour because they are child free, then they would have something to complain about. they had other options available, you were even prepared to accommodate them for the regular price. they tried to lie and cheat and when they got caught out, they doubled down instead of trying to show any honour or decency and admitting they were in the wrong.
|
esh. former tour-guide, here. tours that are designed for children and families are different than those designed for adults. they have to be, because kids are, well, kids. part of the reason that family tours are often cheaper than adult tours is that they are less content-based and are more 'oh, look at this! do you know what this is?' and hands-on, 'touch this tree bark and now go touch this tree', all with the parents as co-leaders of the tour for their children. it is a dynamic that simply does not allow for a guide to cover the same information that the adult tour covers, it does not allow for a lot of conversation (because kids get antsy), and there is a lot of 'down' time as the group moves from place to place. i find it hard to believe that the two child-free adults who signed up would have been at all happy with the tour they found themselves on. they'd have been affronted that it was a 'different' tour and that they didn't get the stuff that comes with the 'regular' tour.
that being said, your mom should have told them all of this. if they still wanted to go on the tour, that would have been their choice and your mom should have taken them. the child-free couple wanted to go on a family tour? let 'em. i imagine they would have regretted their choice within the first half-hour, but that would have been their problem. as it is, your mother kinda made it her problem.
|
yta
for not just giving them a refund. look if the normal tour is full it's a normal response for people to book one that they think is similar. it's not uncommon for small businesses to have websites that make you put in a junk info to go to the next screen.
i know that you think that they where trying to cheat the system but unless you have a very well design webpage and a huge warning label saying repeatedly that you must have a child present attend it's possible for people to make mistakes.
|
yta what an absurd policy where's it's cheaper for 5 people then 2
|
nta. if bringing a kid is clearly mandatory, i don't see why those people even tried.
|
esh
your pricing is unfair, if anything the family ticket should cost more as they are a getting a special tour specifically catered to families with children. just because a couple has a kid they not only get to take advantage of this special tour but they get a special rate too?
the couple also sucks because they lied about having a child. however, they did this to take advantage of your unfair prices so i understand the motive, wrong may it be.
|
yta -
* they only booked the family tour because the normal one was full.
* you've got this weird pricing system going.
* it's easy for customers to think the lower price is because they'll have to deal with kids on the tour.
* you wanted to charge them more than the advertised price.
* you wouldn't give them a refund.
either change your prices so that the family tours are just "kids are free" or explain this pricing adequately on your website.
this is basically a community service for children sponsored by <mom's name.> if you took the time to explain it properly on your site, you'd have great pr for this. like a little paragraph backstory of why your mom started this. a photo of your mom. a photo of your mom with her kids back in the day when the kids were little. you can even it name it something more descriptive like, "children's tour." explain that this is specifically for children. not "adults with children." *children*.
instead, you took the authoritarian route without enough explanation.
|
nta. it stated on your website that bringing a kid was mandatory for the tour.
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.793225
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my family runs a tour company that operates small to large tour groups around the surrounding region. these span from scenic tours, historic sites, and even some whale watching. in order to make things run more smoothly, and also to the benefit of our customers, some of these tours are group focused. for example, we have tours specifically for chinese and taiwanese tourists with bilingual guides. along these lines, my mother started organising family tours a while ago specifically for parents with young kids. she is very family oriented and these tours are her pride and joy so to speak, being specifically geared towards making sure the kids enjoy themselves as well as their parents. it’s also a great opportunity for kids to make new friends. now, because these are a hobby of my mother and done for the benefit of new families, they are significantly cheaper than the main tours. 1 or 2 parents can simply buy a family pass for a set price and bring up to 3 kids at no extra cost. the family pass costs significantly less than two adult tickets for the equivalent normal tour group. for this reason, bringing at least one kid is mandatory, else people would take advantage of the price discrepancy. **we are very clear about this requirement.** fast forward to yesterday, a couple without any kids shows up to a family tour they had booked online. i immediately bring this up and they explain they’re “child free” and booked this one since the normal one was full. i explained that this is a family tour and we are very clear about this requirement, which sparked a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against as a child free couple. the online booking system requires them to put in how many kids they have (1+) so they 100% knew they about this. they definitely lied to book the tour. eventually i relented and offered to let them join the tour provided they pay the difference between this and the normal one for two adult tickets. they refuse saying they already paid online and shouldn’t have to pay more than the advertised price. again sparking a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against. eventually the tour is set to leave and they, accepting im not gonna budge, demand at least a refund. i refuse since the tour was fully booked meaning their fraudulent online booking almost certainly meant we missed out on another family. they claim this is illegal, at which point i gave them the contact details of our family’s lawyer and said we would be happy to see them in small claims court. they swore at me before walking off defeated. since then our tour group has seen a bunch of fake reviews from a “child free” facebook page claiming we’re evil etc. luckily we got them removed since they’re obviously fake, but aita for my response to them? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my family runs a tour company that operates small to large tour groups around the surrounding region. these span from scenic tours, historic sites, and even some whale watching. in order to make things run more smoothly, and also to the benefit of our customers, some of these tours are group focused. for example, we have tours specifically for chinese and taiwanese tourists with bilingual guides. along these lines, my mother started organising family tours a while ago specifically for parents with young kids. she is very family oriented and these tours are her pride and joy so to speak, being specifically geared towards making sure the kids enjoy themselves as well as their parents. it’s also a great opportunity for kids to make new friends. now, because these are a hobby of my mother and done for the benefit of new families, they are significantly cheaper than the main tours. 1 or 2 parents can simply buy a family pass for a set price and bring up to 3 kids at no extra cost. the family pass costs significantly less than two adult tickets for the equivalent normal tour group. for this reason, bringing at least one kid is mandatory, else people would take advantage of the price discrepancy. **we are very clear about this requirement.** fast forward to yesterday, a couple without any kids shows up to a family tour they had booked online. i immediately bring this up and they explain they’re “child free” and booked this one since the normal one was full. i explained that this is a family tour and we are very clear about this requirement, which sparked a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against as a child free couple. the online booking system requires them to put in how many kids they have (1+) so they 100% knew they about this. they definitely lied to book the tour. eventually i relented and offered to let them join the tour provided they pay the difference between this and the normal one for two adult tickets. they refuse saying they already paid online and shouldn’t have to pay more than the advertised price. again sparking a ridiculous argument about them being discriminated against. eventually the tour is set to leave and they, accepting im not gonna budge, demand at least a refund. i refuse since the tour was fully booked meaning their fraudulent online booking almost certainly meant we missed out on another family. they claim this is illegal, at which point i gave them the contact details of our family’s lawyer and said we would be happy to see them in small claims court. they swore at me before walking off defeated. since then our tour group has seen a bunch of fake reviews from a “child free” facebook page claiming we’re evil etc. luckily we got them removed since they’re obviously fake, but aita for my response to them? ** [/INST] esh if you can afford to make a family pass of up to three kids plus parent(s) cost 'significantly less' than just a regular tour for two, you're basically charging people without kids extra to subsidize your mom's hobby. that's pretty crappy. also, if it's that much of a difference, you should expect people trying to cheat the system and that's entirely on you. (i guarantee you at least one 'family' you've had has been a couple with a nephew or watching a neighbor's kid or something just to get the cheaper rate.) but at the same time, having an obnoxious system doesn't excuse their fraudulent booking, and they drastically overreacted. </s>
|
AITA for saying "I just hope that you are proud of yourself." to my niece when I lost my job after she reported the company I worked for?
|
i(35f) lost my job after pandemic struck and found another working in a meat company. it was much lesser paid, more tiring and longer hours but beggars can't be choosers, i have 3 kids to raise and need a job or it would be too much for my husband to shoulder. i was going to continue to work there until i find a more suitable job because the boss of that company is quite an asshole.
some time ago my niece(19f) was looking for a part-job and since there were vacancy in my workplace i recommended her to my superiors. my brother's family is quite wealthy, fully funding my niece's studies and living expenses and my niece only wanted a job for extra allowance.
my niece soon found out that many of us working there are not paid the standard for over-time and our workload exceeding the norm. she was disgusted by the environment and wanted to file complaint about the company to the authorities. i begged her not to, not because of my love for the company(i was going to leave eventually), but because like me, many of us there have families to feed and needed the job.
my niece ignored me and ended up making quite a big deal out of it, posting pictures, videos and long paragraphs on social media and file some reports to "fight for our rights". i have no idea if it changed anything in the company. however, as a result of this drama, the company decided to dismiss a portion of its staffs, and including me, a few other coworkers of mine had lost their jobs. they did not voice it out directly but they have been avoiding me, probably blaming me for introducing my niece to the job.
i have been avoiding my niece too because, despite her good intentions, i still lost my job. my niece had been texting me giving all sorts of reasons that what she done was for what is right. when i ignored her texts, she sent more with long paragraphs basically wanting me to acknowledge that she is right. i really don't want to put blame or argue with a someone half my age still living in comfort with her parents, so in the end i replied "i just hope that you are proud of yourself."
my brother texted me later saying that i was being unkind to his daughter, that as her aunt who witnessed workplace toxicity with her i should encourage her to continue to fight for what is right(still going on between her and the company). i may be unemployed but i am going to spend my time looking for a job instead of joining some vendetta, aita?
| 19,526
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqsw5y/aita_for_saying_i_just_hope_that_you_are_proud_of/
|
2020-11-09 06:55:01
|
nah
minus the company.
what your niece did is right, it just unfortunately means you (and workers) suffered. your niece is now learning that her actions have consequences to other people. she didn't need to survive off that income, so she had every luxury of reporting them.
it is unfortunate what happened and deep down i think you know the asshole is the company. your niece tried to do the right thing (and i think she did do the right thing). but being right and being employed are two different things in the real world.
|
nah.
your niece did nothing wrong. the company was breaking the law and screwing people over. their response to your niece's accusations was even more wrong. they are the ah.
i understand why you are upset as you need this job, but getting angry at her for calling out someone who is doing wrong isn't the way to go. the reason all these companies get away with it is because no-one calls them out. it genuinely sucks that you are on the bad end of the stick for this, but she isn't to blame. when we focus on attacking whistle blowers and complainers (when they are correct) we are just helping out dipshit companies like this because we aren't looking at the disgusting things they are doing.
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she reported illegal practices. not reporting it is exactly why businesses get away with treating their employees horribly. you were fired in retaliation. depending on where you live you have a very good legal case against said company.
dont be angry at your niece for trying to shut down illegal activity in the company, be angry that the company was doing that to you, and then fired you. the people who are in the wrong here are disgusting business practices.
|
nta. i totally get where you are coming from. whilst your company is disgusting, if in the same breathe you asked your niece not to report them at the moment because you were afraid you would lose your job in a time of extremes, and she did it anyway, then she has to bear the repercussions - that someone she loves and their family are going to suffer greatly for their actions, even if their actions are not legally wrong.
is she helping you to find a new job like you helped her? is your brother going to help you financially until you get another job?
at the moment many things are given a pass compared to normal situations as people are desperately trying to survive. whilst your company was ripping you off, could she not have waited until you had a new job? she showed that your survival is less important than her morals. and your kindness was thrown back in your face. i am so sorry for you. you have every right to be angry. and this is a real world reality check for your niece. i hope she steps up and helps you out to show her morality goes further than just typing online.
|
talk to a lawyer about wrongful dismissal and see if you got a case. maybe not but could be something
|
nta. sure your comment was passive aggressive, but as you introduced her to the job, she didn’t require it, and you lost your job which you actually needed - an apology is due from her. your life and your family‘s life has been negatively affected by her naïveté and frankly privilege.
also your brother is being an asshole; if he is all for „stand up for what is right“, setting a good example, teaching his child lessons and wishing her to be taught good lessons then realising consequences to your actions are often outside of oneself and collateral damage can happen are essential, combined with standing up. otherwise he’s half assing the lesson and she turns out to be an asshole for life.
consideration was not given when you pleaded. consideration was not given after you reaped what she sowed.
one pass agg text and not indulging her fantasy of being a teamster does not an asshole make. you’re fine.
|
nah -
you lost your job and that’s really unfortunate and i hope you manage to find another
but the company was taking advantage of people which is wrong, even worse they are doing it during this whole pandemic
your niece was right to call them in it because they can’t be allowed to get away with it
you let a company get away with a stuff like that and they start to wonder what else they can get away with to save money
and then you end up with food being sent out that shouldn’t have been
safety standards dropping etc
|
nta. classic fake activism. the way to deal with this is to collectivise and unionise for better conditions, not cancel the company on twitter. she's acting like a brat. she knows nothing about the real world of labour organising, and should be called out and read some books on what can actually work in these circumstances. she doesn't seem to care about the workers themselves.
the real asshole is capitalism though but what can you do about that.
|
nta. she made a massive mistake.
can’t even say she did it with good intentions, because you clearly begged and told her that it was a bad idea, won’t work, and will have negative consequences.
she then trusted her own judgement - after she’s had *no experience* in the workplace, and no idea what it’s like to live as a low in come person. it sounds insanely egotistical of her to do. she didn’t listen or respect you and hasn’t even apologized?!
it probably would have been better to explain it like that so she truly got it, but she obviously knows she fucked up because of her constant messages. she’s now trying to gaslight you into accepting it and has roped daddy in to back her up.
ahhh what a nightmare. i’m so sorry you lost your job during such a crap year too op.
|
nta, sometimes when times are dire you do what you need to do to get by. you can right the wrongs when times are less desperate.
your niece had good intentions, but she’s a young idealist with no life experience to back her actions. you can be an asshole with good intentions.
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00851
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(35f) lost my job after pandemic struck and found another working in a meat company. it was much lesser paid, more tiring and longer hours but beggars can't be choosers, i have 3 kids to raise and need a job or it would be too much for my husband to shoulder. i was going to continue to work there until i find a more suitable job because the boss of that company is quite an asshole. some time ago my niece(19f) was looking for a part-job and since there were vacancy in my workplace i recommended her to my superiors. my brother's family is quite wealthy, fully funding my niece's studies and living expenses and my niece only wanted a job for extra allowance. my niece soon found out that many of us working there are not paid the standard for over-time and our workload exceeding the norm. she was disgusted by the environment and wanted to file complaint about the company to the authorities. i begged her not to, not because of my love for the company(i was going to leave eventually), but because like me, many of us there have families to feed and needed the job. my niece ignored me and ended up making quite a big deal out of it, posting pictures, videos and long paragraphs on social media and file some reports to "fight for our rights". i have no idea if it changed anything in the company. however, as a result of this drama, the company decided to dismiss a portion of its staffs, and including me, a few other coworkers of mine had lost their jobs. they did not voice it out directly but they have been avoiding me, probably blaming me for introducing my niece to the job. i have been avoiding my niece too because, despite her good intentions, i still lost my job. my niece had been texting me giving all sorts of reasons that what she done was for what is right. when i ignored her texts, she sent more with long paragraphs basically wanting me to acknowledge that she is right. i really don't want to put blame or argue with a someone half my age still living in comfort with her parents, so in the end i replied "i just hope that you are proud of yourself." my brother texted me later saying that i was being unkind to his daughter, that as her aunt who witnessed workplace toxicity with her i should encourage her to continue to fight for what is right(still going on between her and the company). i may be unemployed but i am going to spend my time looking for a job instead of joining some vendetta, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(35f) lost my job after pandemic struck and found another working in a meat company. it was much lesser paid, more tiring and longer hours but beggars can't be choosers, i have 3 kids to raise and need a job or it would be too much for my husband to shoulder. i was going to continue to work there until i find a more suitable job because the boss of that company is quite an asshole. some time ago my niece(19f) was looking for a part-job and since there were vacancy in my workplace i recommended her to my superiors. my brother's family is quite wealthy, fully funding my niece's studies and living expenses and my niece only wanted a job for extra allowance. my niece soon found out that many of us working there are not paid the standard for over-time and our workload exceeding the norm. she was disgusted by the environment and wanted to file complaint about the company to the authorities. i begged her not to, not because of my love for the company(i was going to leave eventually), but because like me, many of us there have families to feed and needed the job. my niece ignored me and ended up making quite a big deal out of it, posting pictures, videos and long paragraphs on social media and file some reports to "fight for our rights". i have no idea if it changed anything in the company. however, as a result of this drama, the company decided to dismiss a portion of its staffs, and including me, a few other coworkers of mine had lost their jobs. they did not voice it out directly but they have been avoiding me, probably blaming me for introducing my niece to the job. i have been avoiding my niece too because, despite her good intentions, i still lost my job. my niece had been texting me giving all sorts of reasons that what she done was for what is right. when i ignored her texts, she sent more with long paragraphs basically wanting me to acknowledge that she is right. i really don't want to put blame or argue with a someone half my age still living in comfort with her parents, so in the end i replied "i just hope that you are proud of yourself." my brother texted me later saying that i was being unkind to his daughter, that as her aunt who witnessed workplace toxicity with her i should encourage her to continue to fight for what is right(still going on between her and the company). i may be unemployed but i am going to spend my time looking for a job instead of joining some vendetta, aita? [/INST] nah minus the company. what your niece did is right, it just unfortunately means you (and workers) suffered. your niece is now learning that her actions have consequences to other people. she didn't need to survive off that income, so she had every luxury of reporting them. it is unfortunate what happened and deep down i think you know the asshole is the company. your niece tried to do the right thing (and i think she did do the right thing). but being right and being employed are two different things in the real world. </s>
|
AITA for allowing my boyfriend's son to cuddle/fall asleep with me
|
my boyfriend and i live together and we have his son every other week. we've only lived together for a few months but i've been present in his life for the last 2 years.
my boyfriend was out for a few hours and his son and i were watching tv. i was lying on the couch and his son was sitting on the floor, but after a bit, he crawled up on the couch with me and laid with his head on my chest and fell asleep. i was actually pretty happy about it, since he and i hug and such but he's been reserved as far as cuddling and such with me and obviously i don't push it. i let him stay like that until my boyfriend came home.
my boyfriend woke him up and later freaked out at me because he thinks that it was inappropriate for me to let his son do that and to let him lay on me like that. i asked him if he was accusing me of something and he kind of backtracked and said that it just looks weird and inappropriate and i should've told his son no. aita?
| 1,773
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7famk/aita_for_allowing_my_boyfriends_son_to_cuddlefall/
|
2019-03-30 19:57:07
|
info: how olds the kid?
|
nta. i don’t understand why your bf reacted like that. i have two 10 year olds and a 14 year old. they are all huggers. you have to watch them though because they are all also wrestlers and sometimes what you think is going to be a hug is really the start of them trying to take you down.
|
nta - if your bf isn't ready for you to be a 'parental figure' to his son he should not have introduced you / carried on the relationship.
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nta, you haven't mentioned how old the child is but i'm assuming quite young. children don't sexualise these things the way adults do and it's slightly weird that your bf is. to me it seems like a very cute bonding moment, totally innocent.
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dude he's so insecure that he's threatened by a seven year old
|
nta. i’ve babysat for 13 years for kids of all ages. having a kid that’s not yours feel comfortable enough to cuddle with you and fall asleep is just about the sweetest feeling in the world. i’m really sad that your so made such a big deal about this and tarnished that experience. i’m really surprised he didn’t walk in and think it was sweet.
|
nta. looks like you're just being an awesome stepmom.
|
nta unless this kid is like 16 which it doesn’t sound like. why deny a child cuddles?!
|
info- how old is the son?
my inclination is nta. just because your bf sees you as sexual doesnt mean every other male on the planet does, especially young children. he may have a touch of the madonna/whore complex. may be worth discussing, especially if you plan on having children with him.
|
nta
kind of weird that you so jumped to this conclusion too.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.02053
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i live together and we have his son every other week. we've only lived together for a few months but i've been present in his life for the last 2 years. my boyfriend was out for a few hours and his son and i were watching tv. i was lying on the couch and his son was sitting on the floor, but after a bit, he crawled up on the couch with me and laid with his head on my chest and fell asleep. i was actually pretty happy about it, since he and i hug and such but he's been reserved as far as cuddling and such with me and obviously i don't push it. i let him stay like that until my boyfriend came home. my boyfriend woke him up and later freaked out at me because he thinks that it was inappropriate for me to let his son do that and to let him lay on me like that. i asked him if he was accusing me of something and he kind of backtracked and said that it just looks weird and inappropriate and i should've told his son no. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i live together and we have his son every other week. we've only lived together for a few months but i've been present in his life for the last 2 years. my boyfriend was out for a few hours and his son and i were watching tv. i was lying on the couch and his son was sitting on the floor, but after a bit, he crawled up on the couch with me and laid with his head on my chest and fell asleep. i was actually pretty happy about it, since he and i hug and such but he's been reserved as far as cuddling and such with me and obviously i don't push it. i let him stay like that until my boyfriend came home. my boyfriend woke him up and later freaked out at me because he thinks that it was inappropriate for me to let his son do that and to let him lay on me like that. i asked him if he was accusing me of something and he kind of backtracked and said that it just looks weird and inappropriate and i should've told his son no. aita? [/INST] info: how olds the kid? </s>
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AITA for telling my wife to stop crying about receiving a senior discount?
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my wife (49f) and i (52m) have been married for 25 years. she was absolutely gorgeous when i first met her.
when we got married, she looked quite a bit younger than me. however, after our first and second child ( now 23 and 20) we started to look the same age but 6 years ago after having our third child she’s been sent in a tailspin physically and mentally.
i noticed that what started happening was that when we’d do family outings with my half sister (who’s 30) people would always assume that my half sister and i were the parents of my now 6 year old.
when my daughter or one of her cousins ( aged 23 to 33) would go to a school event or school drop up/ pickup they’d be mistaken for a mom and my wife for a grandma. even when i’m there standing next to her.
this has made her bitter and neurotic about any perceived slights. we’re middle class but live in one of the few modest neighborhoods in an otherwise really affluent city ( located in a certain southwestern state close to california).
my wife, when my 6 year old was starting elementary school, has even gone as far to say that we should move out of a city where the guys look like me but the standard for the women they are coupled up with is apparently looking 35 or under.
i thought that over the past almost two years, my wife’s insecurities have diminished and she’s stopped talking about wanting to move.
then the other shoe drops when the two of us decide to go do some quick shopping. my wife went to pay for the stuff and then the clerk assumed she qualified for the senior discount.
my wife said blankly that she’s still in her forties and after paying for the stuff we walked to our car and she quickly got in, closed the door, and started bawling in the car.
i kind of laughed and said that if i were in her position i would have gladly just accepted the senior discount as again it’s not like money grows on trees for us.
she glared at me and said she looks like a crone now and that even the grandmas here look better than her.
at the same time i was looking at her thinking why the clerk would overestimate her age by that much but i saw that she mostly just looked perpetually tired. so i told her that i thought the clerk probably didn’t look that closely at her face but probably because she just looked tired in general she thought bad health= senior or something. i asked my wife to not cry and to not think about it too hard.
she started yelling at me asking how i could ask that of her when i just insulted her looks. i said i wasn’t insulting her looks, people of all ages could look tired and give off a certain impression that’s taken the wrong way and that younger just seem less tired for a distance.
aita for trying to reason with my wife?
| 1,552
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m87un5/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_crying_about/
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2021-03-19 03:07:03
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info: do you tell your wife she’s lovely and you’re still attracted to her? do you give her time to take care of herself physically if she wishes? if so, what is her response here.
i’m not gonna lie. not once in your post did i see you mention that you think your wife is attractive, nor that you assure her she is. i did note your phrasing in the first paragraph: “she was absolutely gorgeous when i first met her.”
over 20 years ago based on the ages of your kids.
you’re leaning into ah territory here, but i’ll wait to see what you say.
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yta. sorry, op.
not once in your post did you mention ever telling your wife she’s lovely or that you’re still attracted to her. not once. you mention she was attractive when you met her...20 years ago. you go on and on about younger women. the woman has had three children, one of whom is 6, whom she had in her forties. that takes a toll on women, man.
i think a huge part of her insecurities may unfortunately lie in having a husband who, instead of telling her he loves her and is attracted to her, offers to buy her estrogen cream for her face. and when she is mistaken for much older, still just comments that she “looks tired.”
i really feel terribly for your wife. please consider talking with her about her self esteem without mentioning how she could improve her looks. it’s really sad.
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so you told your wife she should like looking old for discounts and she just looks old because she looks tired and like she's in bad health? is that all right?
oh and you told her not to cry.
you're not winning any husband of the year awards.
yta.
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yta. you weren’t trying to reason with your wife. you were invalidating her feelings and feeding her insecurities.
you have no clue how much women are told that their value is determined by their beauty and youth... and what it does to you when those things fade.
she needs reassurance. stop trying to fix your wife and just love her.. and tell her how beautiful you still think she is.
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yta. she’s insecure and tired and she’s seeing all these men your age coupled with women much younger than her. she’s probably worried you’re going to leave her for someone younger.
also, you don’t mention once in this post that you think she’s attractive currently. if this is how you communicate to her as well, i can see why she’d be insecure.
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yes, yta definitely.
why on earth would you laugh at her for something that’s making her cry?? why would you follow that up with practically saying “you aren’t that old, but they probably think that because you look bad right now”?? how do you not understand this is badly affecting your wife??
you seem to absolutely disregard your wife’s sensitivities - not that you’re not noticing or invalidating them, but rather that you’re seemingly agreeing she should be sensitive about them. your entire post reads as “she’s insecure about her appearance and she should be”. i’m 100% sure your attitude about her appearance is noticed by her. regardless of whether you care about her appearance, if it’s something she’s sensitive about, it’s something you should be sensitive to. especially because often the main cause of anxiety for someone about their appearance is that their loved ones think they’re unattractive and will stop loving them. all you’re doing by dismissing her anxieties is worsening her fears.
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>i’ve been trying to help her out. i know she’s probably going through menopause and my friends have told me platforms like oprah have had health experts tell women to diligently apply estrogen cream on their face and bodies to look and feel younger but when i offered to buy some for my wife to help with her physical insecurities she just yells at me.
&#x200b;
>honestly i feel like it’s been hard to find her attractive but i don’t want to tell her that
&#x200b;
yta, and you don't deserve your wife, and if she divorces you - i pity any woman that ends up with you.
|
"i knew that this aging thing is a very sensitive topic for my wife so anything i said might be taken the wrong way. with respect to that, i think in hindsight that i should have stayed silent instead of reasoning through why the clerk assumed she looked like a grandma."
massive yta
you sound like a bully. she needs reassurance and kindness not another person mocking her. if you love her you would be kind to her not make her feel worse about herself.
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yta.
i was unsure but then saw your reply in comment section. you still didn't say that you do reassure your wife that she is beautiful and that you find her attractive still. instead, you treated the whole situation as something that needs to be "fixed".
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[deleted]
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (49f) and i (52m) have been married for 25 years. she was absolutely gorgeous when i first met her. when we got married, she looked quite a bit younger than me. however, after our first and second child ( now 23 and 20) we started to look the same age but 6 years ago after having our third child she’s been sent in a tailspin physically and mentally. i noticed that what started happening was that when we’d do family outings with my half sister (who’s 30) people would always assume that my half sister and i were the parents of my now 6 year old. when my daughter or one of her cousins ( aged 23 to 33) would go to a school event or school drop up/ pickup they’d be mistaken for a mom and my wife for a grandma. even when i’m there standing next to her. this has made her bitter and neurotic about any perceived slights. we’re middle class but live in one of the few modest neighborhoods in an otherwise really affluent city ( located in a certain southwestern state close to california). my wife, when my 6 year old was starting elementary school, has even gone as far to say that we should move out of a city where the guys look like me but the standard for the women they are coupled up with is apparently looking 35 or under. i thought that over the past almost two years, my wife’s insecurities have diminished and she’s stopped talking about wanting to move. then the other shoe drops when the two of us decide to go do some quick shopping. my wife went to pay for the stuff and then the clerk assumed she qualified for the senior discount. my wife said blankly that she’s still in her forties and after paying for the stuff we walked to our car and she quickly got in, closed the door, and started bawling in the car. i kind of laughed and said that if i were in her position i would have gladly just accepted the senior discount as again it’s not like money grows on trees for us. she glared at me and said she looks like a crone now and that even the grandmas here look better than her. at the same time i was looking at her thinking why the clerk would overestimate her age by that much but i saw that she mostly just looked perpetually tired. so i told her that i thought the clerk probably didn’t look that closely at her face but probably because she just looked tired in general she thought bad health= senior or something. i asked my wife to not cry and to not think about it too hard. she started yelling at me asking how i could ask that of her when i just insulted her looks. i said i wasn’t insulting her looks, people of all ages could look tired and give off a certain impression that’s taken the wrong way and that younger just seem less tired for a distance. aita for trying to reason with my wife?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (49f) and i (52m) have been married for 25 years. she was absolutely gorgeous when i first met her. when we got married, she looked quite a bit younger than me. however, after our first and second child ( now 23 and 20) we started to look the same age but 6 years ago after having our third child she’s been sent in a tailspin physically and mentally. i noticed that what started happening was that when we’d do family outings with my half sister (who’s 30) people would always assume that my half sister and i were the parents of my now 6 year old. when my daughter or one of her cousins ( aged 23 to 33) would go to a school event or school drop up/ pickup they’d be mistaken for a mom and my wife for a grandma. even when i’m there standing next to her. this has made her bitter and neurotic about any perceived slights. we’re middle class but live in one of the few modest neighborhoods in an otherwise really affluent city ( located in a certain southwestern state close to california). my wife, when my 6 year old was starting elementary school, has even gone as far to say that we should move out of a city where the guys look like me but the standard for the women they are coupled up with is apparently looking 35 or under. i thought that over the past almost two years, my wife’s insecurities have diminished and she’s stopped talking about wanting to move. then the other shoe drops when the two of us decide to go do some quick shopping. my wife went to pay for the stuff and then the clerk assumed she qualified for the senior discount. my wife said blankly that she’s still in her forties and after paying for the stuff we walked to our car and she quickly got in, closed the door, and started bawling in the car. i kind of laughed and said that if i were in her position i would have gladly just accepted the senior discount as again it’s not like money grows on trees for us. she glared at me and said she looks like a crone now and that even the grandmas here look better than her. at the same time i was looking at her thinking why the clerk would overestimate her age by that much but i saw that she mostly just looked perpetually tired. so i told her that i thought the clerk probably didn’t look that closely at her face but probably because she just looked tired in general she thought bad health= senior or something. i asked my wife to not cry and to not think about it too hard. she started yelling at me asking how i could ask that of her when i just insulted her looks. i said i wasn’t insulting her looks, people of all ages could look tired and give off a certain impression that’s taken the wrong way and that younger just seem less tired for a distance. aita for trying to reason with my wife? [/INST] info: do you tell your wife she’s lovely and you’re still attracted to her? do you give her time to take care of herself physically if she wishes? if so, what is her response here. i’m not gonna lie. not once in your post did i see you mention that you think your wife is attractive, nor that you assure her she is. i did note your phrasing in the first paragraph: “she was absolutely gorgeous when i first met her.” over 20 years ago based on the ages of your kids. you’re leaning into ah territory here, but i’ll wait to see what you say. </s>
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AITA for being upset that our baby was a girl when we were told otherwise?
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when my wife was pregnant, i didn't give a shit whether it was a boy or a girl. we found out the baby was a boy halfway through at the anatomy scan, and i was excited as all hell. i bonded with that little man inside her belly. we were going to call him gideon, and i talked to him every day, read stories to him, told him all about the adventures we would have once he was here. we did the nursery up, got a ton of clothes, the works.
well, when my wife presented in labor they did another ultrasound to confirm the baby was head-down, and nobody mentioned anything about the sex even though we were talking to the doctor and the resident saying it was a boy and he has a male cousin three months older so it's perfect, etc.
labor time comes, my wife is pushing, and suddenly there's a head of hair and screaming, and i'm overwhelmed with emotion until i see that the baby is not, in fact, a boy. my wife cuddles her close but i was just shocked. i was ready to meet gideon and now this wasn't gideon. i felt like i hadn't gotten a chance to bond with this new random girl, unlike my wife who carried her for nine months. i stayed for a minute to make sure my wife and baby were both stable, and then i left the room and cried a bit. i was gone for probably ten minutes. however, in this time i missed the cord clamping which apparently happened right after i said i'm leaving the room to get some air. i didn't know this. nobody told me.
*now* i am totally in love with our baby (like i said, i never cared about the sex although if pushed i would lean towards preferring a boy and my wife leaned girl). after i had time to process and realize the obvious conclusion that the baby i read to and sang to was still my baby even if it wasn't the baby i pictured in my head, i loved her more than i thought possible. this took all of ten minutes to clear my head. however, my wife has still not forgiven me for not being there for *ten minutes*, which was *after* she had given birth and while was smiling dopily at the baby, in no pain or distress. she's mad that i missed the cord clamping but i don't even think it's that big of a deal. she thinks it's unforgivable that i didn't love the baby the second she came out just because she was a girl.
i left because i knew my emotions were fucked and i didn't want to make any part of the labor a negative experience for her by saying anything slightly negative. well apparently by leaving i ruined the birth so i lose both ways.
aita?
| 7,336
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i212sa/aita_for_being_upset_that_our_baby_was_a_girl/
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2020-08-01 22:22:37
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nah - its not unusual to have a reaction like that when you have a shock.
my daughter's friend was told she was carrying a girl - like you - for months.
she had a boy, and she cried for a good couple of hours.
then she fell in love with her baby and never looked back.
everybody expects your instant reaction to be awesome all the time when it comes to a newborn but that's not reality.
but yes, it's still going to hurt your wife's feelings.
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info: have you apologized to her for walking out for those ten minutes?
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mmmm i think nah, it was probably a good idea you took a minute to collect yourself. but you edge asshole territory, your wife just pushed out a human, don’t go and tell her “its not a big deal” that you missed a significant (to her) moment.
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yta. you should have been there to support your wife and your baby. you would have had to leave pretty quickly to miss the cord clamping. not to mention just because the baby pops out doesn't mean pain/distress are over. there is still delivering the placenta, having multiple people up in your junk possibly suturing or repairing vaginal injuries, etc.
i get being shocked but you should never have walked out on your wife and you missed important memories you will *never* get back.
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yta for wanting to name your son gideon.
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yta not for being, for a lack of a better word, disappointed, but for leaving your wife and new child one minute after she was born. i get that it was a surprise but you should have held it together to be there for the first moments of your child's life. i suggest apologizing to your wife. that being said, congratulations on your daughter.
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yta. you stayed for a minute then left? i would be absolutely furious.
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nah you had the right to be shocked because you were expecting gideon and this was not him. you had to take 10 minutes to adjust your expectations which is completely reasonable. she isn't an ah either because i think she was more upset that you walked away, missing the cord cutting an all than the reasoning behind it, which is also reasonable. just explain to her what you said here
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nah. it’s understandable that you were caught off guard and needed a moment to adjust and it’s understandable that your wife is upset that you left her and the baby (even for 10 minutes) right after she gave birth.
she was also flooded with oxytocin at that moment so, to her, it’s probably unfathomable that you wouldn’t immediately fall in love with that little baby but you didn’t get that extra helping of hormonal love so it took you a few minutes to switch gears.
both of your upset feelings are understandable and both are valid. and it clearly didn’t affect how much you love your daughter now. that being said, plenty of people think cutting the cord is a massive moment, so i don’t think it’s fair to push it aside as “not a big deal”.
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yta. not for feeling disappointed. things were different then expected and that can throw people for a loop. but yta because of when you walked out. you have other children, you know they clamp the cord after, and don't wait ten minutes. and so many things could still have happened. your wife could have bled more or the baby gone in distress. the placenta may not have come out in one piece and then off she goes to surgery. she was literally laying there, feet still in the stirrups waiting for the cord clamping, placenta delivery and stitching up and you just leave?
your wife still needed you there. she just did a monunental thing and was exhausted. she likely still needed stitching up (not fun i might add) she just found out the baby she thought was a boy is a girl and dealing with all of that as well.
you should have at least waited until everyone was cleaned up, cord cut, emotions and adrenaline lower, helped your wife nurse the baby the first time if she was doing that, then said "oh, i need a minute". or lie and say "oh, i need a cup of coffee and go to the bathroom" and then deal with your emotions. after your wife and daughter were snug and warm.
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.34993
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when my wife was pregnant, i didn't give a shit whether it was a boy or a girl. we found out the baby was a boy halfway through at the anatomy scan, and i was excited as all hell. i bonded with that little man inside her belly. we were going to call him gideon, and i talked to him every day, read stories to him, told him all about the adventures we would have once he was here. we did the nursery up, got a ton of clothes, the works. well, when my wife presented in labor they did another ultrasound to confirm the baby was head-down, and nobody mentioned anything about the sex even though we were talking to the doctor and the resident saying it was a boy and he has a male cousin three months older so it's perfect, etc. labor time comes, my wife is pushing, and suddenly there's a head of hair and screaming, and i'm overwhelmed with emotion until i see that the baby is not, in fact, a boy. my wife cuddles her close but i was just shocked. i was ready to meet gideon and now this wasn't gideon. i felt like i hadn't gotten a chance to bond with this new random girl, unlike my wife who carried her for nine months. i stayed for a minute to make sure my wife and baby were both stable, and then i left the room and cried a bit. i was gone for probably ten minutes. however, in this time i missed the cord clamping which apparently happened right after i said i'm leaving the room to get some air. i didn't know this. nobody told me. *now* i am totally in love with our baby (like i said, i never cared about the sex although if pushed i would lean towards preferring a boy and my wife leaned girl). after i had time to process and realize the obvious conclusion that the baby i read to and sang to was still my baby even if it wasn't the baby i pictured in my head, i loved her more than i thought possible. this took all of ten minutes to clear my head. however, my wife has still not forgiven me for not being there for *ten minutes*, which was *after* she had given birth and while was smiling dopily at the baby, in no pain or distress. she's mad that i missed the cord clamping but i don't even think it's that big of a deal. she thinks it's unforgivable that i didn't love the baby the second she came out just because she was a girl. i left because i knew my emotions were fucked and i didn't want to make any part of the labor a negative experience for her by saying anything slightly negative. well apparently by leaving i ruined the birth so i lose both ways. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when my wife was pregnant, i didn't give a shit whether it was a boy or a girl. we found out the baby was a boy halfway through at the anatomy scan, and i was excited as all hell. i bonded with that little man inside her belly. we were going to call him gideon, and i talked to him every day, read stories to him, told him all about the adventures we would have once he was here. we did the nursery up, got a ton of clothes, the works. well, when my wife presented in labor they did another ultrasound to confirm the baby was head-down, and nobody mentioned anything about the sex even though we were talking to the doctor and the resident saying it was a boy and he has a male cousin three months older so it's perfect, etc. labor time comes, my wife is pushing, and suddenly there's a head of hair and screaming, and i'm overwhelmed with emotion until i see that the baby is not, in fact, a boy. my wife cuddles her close but i was just shocked. i was ready to meet gideon and now this wasn't gideon. i felt like i hadn't gotten a chance to bond with this new random girl, unlike my wife who carried her for nine months. i stayed for a minute to make sure my wife and baby were both stable, and then i left the room and cried a bit. i was gone for probably ten minutes. however, in this time i missed the cord clamping which apparently happened right after i said i'm leaving the room to get some air. i didn't know this. nobody told me. *now* i am totally in love with our baby (like i said, i never cared about the sex although if pushed i would lean towards preferring a boy and my wife leaned girl). after i had time to process and realize the obvious conclusion that the baby i read to and sang to was still my baby even if it wasn't the baby i pictured in my head, i loved her more than i thought possible. this took all of ten minutes to clear my head. however, my wife has still not forgiven me for not being there for *ten minutes*, which was *after* she had given birth and while was smiling dopily at the baby, in no pain or distress. she's mad that i missed the cord clamping but i don't even think it's that big of a deal. she thinks it's unforgivable that i didn't love the baby the second she came out just because she was a girl. i left because i knew my emotions were fucked and i didn't want to make any part of the labor a negative experience for her by saying anything slightly negative. well apparently by leaving i ruined the birth so i lose both ways. aita? [/INST] nah - its not unusual to have a reaction like that when you have a shock. my daughter's friend was told she was carrying a girl - like you - for months. she had a boy, and she cried for a good couple of hours. then she fell in love with her baby and never looked back. everybody expects your instant reaction to be awesome all the time when it comes to a newborn but that's not reality. but yes, it's still going to hurt your wife's feelings. </s>
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AITA for refusing to allow a personal check from my account to be used for payroll?
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my spouse worked as an accountant for nearly a decade for a small chain of orthopedic clinics in the usa. the chain was bought out by the local (75-100 bed) hospital last year. spouse was transferred to the hospital's accounting department but still spends half of their time working on closing up the old clinics' stuff.
all of the clinics' bank accounts have been closed. it turns out that there was one employee who was not transferred to the hospital and should have received one final paycheck this last period. spouse's boss's suggestion was that my spouse write a personal check to the employee for the amount on one of the joint checking accounts spouse and i share. it is not a heavily used account; we keep it for emergencies only and it does have more than enough to cover the amount owed. the hospital would then reimburse us.
i immediately said no. i don't think a personal checking account should ever be used for payroll outside of maybe a mom-and-pop business which this is not. i asked spouse why their boss doesn't use their personal checking account for it, but there was no answer.
i feel bad that this employee got shafted but i also feel like the hospital needs to fix this, not my spouse personally using our personal money. but the hospital has been good about reimbursing my husband for other purchases (e.g., clorox wipes) he's made for the clinics in the past, and i wouldn't even notice if they take their time paying us back. aita for not agreeing so that this employee can get the pay they earned quickly?
| 614
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v1svdf/aita_for_refusing_to_allow_a_personal_check_from/
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2022-05-31 15:28:47
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info: if the hospital can write a check to reimburse you, why can’t they just write a check to pay the employee? seems a needlessly convoluted way to go about this.
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nta
have your spouse report that manager. that's not a reasonable request. **your spouse should know better than to use her funds to pay the clinic's debts.** that is not how accounting works.
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nta. your checking account isn’t a payroll account. there are also tax implications and legal implications and such that i know nothing about that should also be considered.
if the hospital has the ability to reimburse y’all through an expense report, why wouldn’t they just use that process to pay the former employee directly?
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nta. this is shady af. also, for financial records, wouldn't it raise red flags and look like something weird was going on for a non business account to hand out paychecks.
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nta. if you're in the usa, the paycheck needs to be drawn on a company account associated with the federal ein # that is used for depositing payroll taxes. the fact the boss even asked is wrong.
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nta
i would be deeply worried about mingling funds. personal funds are not business funds and once you mingle those it becomes complicated. i am not impressed that all business accounts were closed out before closing out payroll. i am also confused because you did not say owner of the old company, you said accountant. why would that be your husband's responsibility?
|
nta. they can cut a check themselves. when my wife's former employer screwed up her pay, they offered to cut a check immediately, and drive it over to her. that's the right way to do it, not having an accountant pay it out if his own pocket in hopes it will be reimbursed promptly.
|
nta - and i suspect that if your spouse goes ahead with this there are some questionable legal issues that could come back and bite everyone.
it's the hospital's issue to address this, not your spouse. if your spouse does this, you both had better plan on never seeing that again because your spouse has zero leverage to get money back from the hospital.
|
nta. they can't pay the employee their wages but are somehow able to reimburse an off the books transaction? they're trying to con you.
|
> spouse's boss's suggestion was that my spouse write a personal check to the employee for the amount on one of the joint checking accounts spouse and i share
that's a hard hell no. almost certainly not legal. that has all sorts of red flags around it. the employee deserves an official paycheck.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my spouse worked as an accountant for nearly a decade for a small chain of orthopedic clinics in the usa. the chain was bought out by the local (75-100 bed) hospital last year. spouse was transferred to the hospital's accounting department but still spends half of their time working on closing up the old clinics' stuff. all of the clinics' bank accounts have been closed. it turns out that there was one employee who was not transferred to the hospital and should have received one final paycheck this last period. spouse's boss's suggestion was that my spouse write a personal check to the employee for the amount on one of the joint checking accounts spouse and i share. it is not a heavily used account; we keep it for emergencies only and it does have more than enough to cover the amount owed. the hospital would then reimburse us. i immediately said no. i don't think a personal checking account should ever be used for payroll outside of maybe a mom-and-pop business which this is not. i asked spouse why their boss doesn't use their personal checking account for it, but there was no answer. i feel bad that this employee got shafted but i also feel like the hospital needs to fix this, not my spouse personally using our personal money. but the hospital has been good about reimbursing my husband for other purchases (e.g., clorox wipes) he's made for the clinics in the past, and i wouldn't even notice if they take their time paying us back. aita for not agreeing so that this employee can get the pay they earned quickly?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my spouse worked as an accountant for nearly a decade for a small chain of orthopedic clinics in the usa. the chain was bought out by the local (75-100 bed) hospital last year. spouse was transferred to the hospital's accounting department but still spends half of their time working on closing up the old clinics' stuff. all of the clinics' bank accounts have been closed. it turns out that there was one employee who was not transferred to the hospital and should have received one final paycheck this last period. spouse's boss's suggestion was that my spouse write a personal check to the employee for the amount on one of the joint checking accounts spouse and i share. it is not a heavily used account; we keep it for emergencies only and it does have more than enough to cover the amount owed. the hospital would then reimburse us. i immediately said no. i don't think a personal checking account should ever be used for payroll outside of maybe a mom-and-pop business which this is not. i asked spouse why their boss doesn't use their personal checking account for it, but there was no answer. i feel bad that this employee got shafted but i also feel like the hospital needs to fix this, not my spouse personally using our personal money. but the hospital has been good about reimbursing my husband for other purchases (e.g., clorox wipes) he's made for the clinics in the past, and i wouldn't even notice if they take their time paying us back. aita for not agreeing so that this employee can get the pay they earned quickly? [/INST] info: if the hospital can write a check to reimburse you, why can’t they just write a check to pay the employee? seems a needlessly convoluted way to go about this. </s>
|
AITA for being mad that my birthday gift was sex?
|
on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something.
here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex.
i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something.
| 25,143
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/anhw1b/aita_for_being_mad_that_my_birthday_gift_was_sex/
|
2019-02-05 19:46:32
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nta. sounds like she couldnt be bothered to think about you and went with the laziest possible option.
bad head is worse than no head.
|
nta lazy on her part. my s/o assumed dudes are always wanting sex 24/7 and gifted me with some last year as well, but i declined because snuggling and watching flash sounded like a much more relaxing gift. when her birthday comes around next year gift her a hug.
|
nta. sex is more of a common expectation in a relationship (see: most non-abstaining relationships), not a gift.
|
nta - sex shouldn’t be a compulsory act.
it sounds like she put very little thought into your gift and while you shouldn’t expect a gift of equivalent value (because that negates the purpose of a gift) the same amount of thought is reasonable to expect.
it sounds like she’s bought into some really old tv trope where “special sex” is all men want.
|
nta - though her heart was in the right place, i agree that sex isn't a gift. and furthermore, bad oral is worse than no oral.
&#x200b;
|
nta your girlfriend is either cheap or lazy. but let this be a lesson to you and don't drop $400 on a birthday present for someone who pulls crap like this.
|
nah, hear me out. you probably have different love languages. gifts are important to you, while acts of service/physical touch are more important to her. this is a communication issue, so i recommend talking about it.
|
nta. that’s not remotely fair. if she’s broke, that’s one thing, but assuming that sex is an adequate gift in a relationship (unless otherwise mutually agreed) is beyond the scope of fairness
|
nta. valentine’s day you should paint your dick like a single red rose and your balls like chocolate.
|
nta. i feel sex is only a gift after a wonderful day/night out celebrating your birthday. it kinda feels lazy that she only had sex as a gift.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something. here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex. i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something. here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex. i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something. [/INST] nta. sounds like she couldnt be bothered to think about you and went with the laziest possible option. bad head is worse than no head. </s>
|
AITA for not adopting my wife's child?
|
i (27m) used to have a wonderful relationship with the woman i love (26f). however, five years ago, she got drunk, had a one night stand, and got pregnant from it. can't be mine, i can't have kids due to a horseback riding injury when i was a teen. didnt get the guys name, no way to find him, so he's out of the picture. my wife decided to keep it, and we almost went through a divorce, but couples therapy made us decide to try again. we're still in therapy now, since i still have a hard time trusting her.
so, she had her son. we talked a lot about it, and i made it clear that i'm ok taking on a step-parent role, but i wasnt willing to fully be his dad. i wouldnt adopt him, but i would help raise him and get him off to college. my wife agreed to this, became a stay at home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and i've pretty much been the fun uncle like guy. i play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and i am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife's parenting. he even calles me "uncle," instead of dad. he knows i'm not his father, and is just happy to play video games with me and chill.
well, recently, my wife has started talking about me adopting him, something i'm not willing to do. i made it clear that if anything happened, he would go live with her parents, and i'd send child support. if they couldn't take him, i wouldnt put him in foster care or anything, but i also wasnt willing to take on the responsibility of being his father when i'm not. i'm happy being an uncle to another man's kid, since thats what life threw at me.
this has greatly upset her, and she's trying to find a way to force me into adopting him. she's even been manipulating the poor kid, saying he should start calling me dad instead of uncle like he has his entire life, which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy. this situation has worked for the last 5 years, and i dont know why she's trying to change something that isnt broken, or force me into a role i told her years ago i wasnt willing to accept, which she was fine with until just recently.
| 4,184
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hrd4rx/aita_for_not_adopting_my_wifes_child/
|
2020-07-15 00:05:47
|
esh. everything about this is pretty terrible. her cheating. you purposefully distancing yourself from the child, who is not yours through no fault of his own, not to mention you being the only father figure he's ever know. dad's don't need to be blood. you all sound like assholes. except the little one obviously, who i just feel so sorry for. sort your shit out for his sake.
|
you may want to check with an attorney. regardless of whether or not he is your biological child, you have been raising and supporting him. even if you dont adopt him, he's likely yours in the eyes of the court.
that said....nta. you had an agreement, you supported her decision to keep the baby, you worked through her infidelity. she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
|
esh this is a mess. you should not adopt a child you don't want. he should have a parent or parents who are enthusiastic. but you also are putting them in an bad position by planning to be present while demonstrating what i can only call a wedge between you and your wife where the child witnesses it. but this is her fault as well. she entered an agreement that she might have assumed would be temporary. but she shouldn't have. and no child should be foisted upon someone reluctant to commit to parenting them.
|
[removed]
|
esh
first of all i totally sympathise with you and the position you’re in. being cheated on sucks, and seeing your wife pregnant and then raising a child as a product of the cheating must be crushing.
however when i think about what’s best for the child, who is the most innocent party in this, i feel for this child where 50% of his family unit is not completely committed to raising him and loving him.
i’m not saying you should be committed to him, it’s a big ask to raise someone else’s kids, but by staying in the position you are now, with 1 foot in the family and 1 foot out, i do wonder how much the child is affected now (if any) and how this will change in the future as he gets older and wiser to the family dynamic.
|
esh. you both suck. get a divorce so she can find a new man who will love and respect her and adopt the boy. you resent them both. move on.
|
esh
this is a gross situation. poor kiddo.
|
esh. it’s sounds like your marriage ended five years ago and you guys are delaying the inevitable to the detriment of the kid. she sucks for cheating and now trying to force you into this role. you suck because like it or not, you’re in this role and you accepted this by staying married. you could have parted ways five years ago and not describe your marriage now as a “used to be wonderful” relationship.
|
esh. it’s not the kid’s fault that he was born as a result of infidelity. if you weren’t willing to act as a father towards him (which would be perfectly understandable given the circumstances) then you should have gotten a divorce instead of raising the poor kid in a situation where the only father figure he’s ever known, functionally his stepdad, is distant and resentful towards him.
|
yta for how you treat this child. you should have gotten a divorce long ago. your options should have been to get a divorce or fully accept this child and raise him as your own. this halfass role you're playing is a load of crap.
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.192405
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (27m) used to have a wonderful relationship with the woman i love (26f). however, five years ago, she got drunk, had a one night stand, and got pregnant from it. can't be mine, i can't have kids due to a horseback riding injury when i was a teen. didnt get the guys name, no way to find him, so he's out of the picture. my wife decided to keep it, and we almost went through a divorce, but couples therapy made us decide to try again. we're still in therapy now, since i still have a hard time trusting her. so, she had her son. we talked a lot about it, and i made it clear that i'm ok taking on a step-parent role, but i wasnt willing to fully be his dad. i wouldnt adopt him, but i would help raise him and get him off to college. my wife agreed to this, became a stay at home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and i've pretty much been the fun uncle like guy. i play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and i am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife's parenting. he even calles me "uncle," instead of dad. he knows i'm not his father, and is just happy to play video games with me and chill. well, recently, my wife has started talking about me adopting him, something i'm not willing to do. i made it clear that if anything happened, he would go live with her parents, and i'd send child support. if they couldn't take him, i wouldnt put him in foster care or anything, but i also wasnt willing to take on the responsibility of being his father when i'm not. i'm happy being an uncle to another man's kid, since thats what life threw at me. this has greatly upset her, and she's trying to find a way to force me into adopting him. she's even been manipulating the poor kid, saying he should start calling me dad instead of uncle like he has his entire life, which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy. this situation has worked for the last 5 years, and i dont know why she's trying to change something that isnt broken, or force me into a role i told her years ago i wasnt willing to accept, which she was fine with until just recently.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (27m) used to have a wonderful relationship with the woman i love (26f). however, five years ago, she got drunk, had a one night stand, and got pregnant from it. can't be mine, i can't have kids due to a horseback riding injury when i was a teen. didnt get the guys name, no way to find him, so he's out of the picture. my wife decided to keep it, and we almost went through a divorce, but couples therapy made us decide to try again. we're still in therapy now, since i still have a hard time trusting her. so, she had her son. we talked a lot about it, and i made it clear that i'm ok taking on a step-parent role, but i wasnt willing to fully be his dad. i wouldnt adopt him, but i would help raise him and get him off to college. my wife agreed to this, became a stay at home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and i've pretty much been the fun uncle like guy. i play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and i am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife's parenting. he even calles me "uncle," instead of dad. he knows i'm not his father, and is just happy to play video games with me and chill. well, recently, my wife has started talking about me adopting him, something i'm not willing to do. i made it clear that if anything happened, he would go live with her parents, and i'd send child support. if they couldn't take him, i wouldnt put him in foster care or anything, but i also wasnt willing to take on the responsibility of being his father when i'm not. i'm happy being an uncle to another man's kid, since thats what life threw at me. this has greatly upset her, and she's trying to find a way to force me into adopting him. she's even been manipulating the poor kid, saying he should start calling me dad instead of uncle like he has his entire life, which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy. this situation has worked for the last 5 years, and i dont know why she's trying to change something that isnt broken, or force me into a role i told her years ago i wasnt willing to accept, which she was fine with until just recently. [/INST] esh. everything about this is pretty terrible. her cheating. you purposefully distancing yourself from the child, who is not yours through no fault of his own, not to mention you being the only father figure he's ever know. dad's don't need to be blood. you all sound like assholes. except the little one obviously, who i just feel so sorry for. sort your shit out for his sake. </s>
|
AITA for taking away plane tickets I bought for my sister?
|
so my younger sister, let's call her nia (24f) got married a few months back. a bit of backstory: she was born 2 months premature with a hole in her heart, which ended up healing by itself but she was in the nicu for about 2 weeks before she was allowed to go home. this seemed to have traumatised my parents quite a bit so growing up nia got what nia wanted regardless of what that meant for her older siblings.
i had gotten married 3 years prior, and my husband and i live in a different country. i come from a strictly middle class family and my husband is very well off compared to us. i had two wedding ceremonies, one in my country and one in his. as his family is rich, the wedding ceremony in his country was much more extravagant than the one we had in mine. my sister had started saying things like "what your family can afford isn't enough for you is it?". this hurt, especially since my parents wouldn't stand up for me or admit that the only thing that they paid for was my wedding dress - which they considered to be my wedding gift from them and was relatively inexpensive.
the minute my sister announced her engagement it seemed like she wanted to one up my ceremony even though she didn't have the financial means to do so. she would say things like "my soft blush theme is going to look so much better than your gold theme, it was so tacky" or making our father dish out $6k on her wedding dress and laughing because they didn't spend anywhere near that much on mine.
the expenses kept mounting and she and the groom couldn't afford it and it was basically on my parents to finance the whole thing and they begged me to foot some of the bills. i ended up paying for the catering. for the 200 guests she had invited. fast forward to two months before the wedding and she goes "since you haven't bought me a gift yet, how about paying for our flight tickets to our honeymoon?" i wanted to say no, but my parents guilt tripped me and i did have a soft spot for my little sister so i caved.
she wanted to go on her honeymoon to the same country i went to for mine. i bought her economy class tickets on singapore airlines, as it had the least amount of transit time and changi airport was a super nice place to transit anyways.
she glared daggers at me once i handed her the ticket. soon, i found out from my cousin that she was grumbling about how i was such a cheapskate since i didn't buy her business class seats instead. apparently "she married rich. this is the least that she could do." it all came to a head when she confronted me in front of our parents for being an "unfeeling sister" knowing they would side with her. they started pestering me and i went home, and kind of broke down in front of my husband.
he was pissed, and got the tickets refunded the next day. i didn't stop him.
later, they had to go on a budget airline.
they still vilify me about this to this day and i'm starting to feel very guilty.
| 7,565
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fftjd3/aita_for_taking_away_plane_tickets_i_bought_for/
|
2020-03-09 11:56:21
|
esh. the sister is the biggest ah, but everyone else sucks (except for your husband) for enabling her by caving to her *over and over again*.
|
nta you gave her the gift she requested even after paying for the wedding catering and her reaction was totally unwarranted. she publicly rejected the gift so getting a refund was the appropriate thing for you and your husband to do.
|
esh. nia is obviously the biggest ah (seriously, what a nightmare; what kind of person is gauche enough to straight up be like, "my wedding theme is going to be so much better than yours," yikes), with your parents running a close second, but you are also being a bit of an ah.
why did you cave to her earlier demands? why do you feel bad now? it's not because you really hurt her or did something wrong. it's because she reacted poorly (which was to be expected, i gather) and that's uncomfortable for you. you say that you have a soft spot for her, but what that really means is that you're just as complicit as your parents in spoiling her to this point. it's just that the consequences of your enabling is blowing directly back on you now.
you say that your husband cancelled the tickets and that you "didn't stop him." has it ever occurred to you to thank him for protecting you from you sister and also from further enabling her entitled attitude? seems to me that he's the only reasonable person in this scenario and no one seems to have given a thought to how nia's behavior affects anyone but nia and themselves. you should thank him for trying to help you set healthy boundaries for your relationship with your sister and promise to try to do this more on your own in the future.
|
you know you're nta. your sister sounds like a spoiled teenager and she didn't deserve the tickets nor the catering. it's pretty obvious.
|
esh because your family (and you) is enabling her and herself for being an entitled brat.
|
nta how are you still talking to her? how? you gave her enough and you get nothing but more bitcjih in return. cut her off jesus christ.
|
nta and you need to stand up for yourself. you should have never let your parents guilt trip you to pay for the catering and the honeymoon. your parents are enabling your sister's irresponsibility. it will not stop until you all stop babying her.
|
nta for taking away plane tickets, but yta for enabling her terrible behavior.
catering for 200 guests is a huge gift. you should not have done that. she wanted to have a big wedding? good. sit back and watch, but don't help. did she help you 3 years ago?
|
nta your paying for her wedding was her gift
|
[removed]
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.176777
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my younger sister, let's call her nia (24f) got married a few months back. a bit of backstory: she was born 2 months premature with a hole in her heart, which ended up healing by itself but she was in the nicu for about 2 weeks before she was allowed to go home. this seemed to have traumatised my parents quite a bit so growing up nia got what nia wanted regardless of what that meant for her older siblings. i had gotten married 3 years prior, and my husband and i live in a different country. i come from a strictly middle class family and my husband is very well off compared to us. i had two wedding ceremonies, one in my country and one in his. as his family is rich, the wedding ceremony in his country was much more extravagant than the one we had in mine. my sister had started saying things like "what your family can afford isn't enough for you is it?". this hurt, especially since my parents wouldn't stand up for me or admit that the only thing that they paid for was my wedding dress - which they considered to be my wedding gift from them and was relatively inexpensive. the minute my sister announced her engagement it seemed like she wanted to one up my ceremony even though she didn't have the financial means to do so. she would say things like "my soft blush theme is going to look so much better than your gold theme, it was so tacky" or making our father dish out $6k on her wedding dress and laughing because they didn't spend anywhere near that much on mine. the expenses kept mounting and she and the groom couldn't afford it and it was basically on my parents to finance the whole thing and they begged me to foot some of the bills. i ended up paying for the catering. for the 200 guests she had invited. fast forward to two months before the wedding and she goes "since you haven't bought me a gift yet, how about paying for our flight tickets to our honeymoon?" i wanted to say no, but my parents guilt tripped me and i did have a soft spot for my little sister so i caved. she wanted to go on her honeymoon to the same country i went to for mine. i bought her economy class tickets on singapore airlines, as it had the least amount of transit time and changi airport was a super nice place to transit anyways. she glared daggers at me once i handed her the ticket. soon, i found out from my cousin that she was grumbling about how i was such a cheapskate since i didn't buy her business class seats instead. apparently "she married rich. this is the least that she could do." it all came to a head when she confronted me in front of our parents for being an "unfeeling sister" knowing they would side with her. they started pestering me and i went home, and kind of broke down in front of my husband. he was pissed, and got the tickets refunded the next day. i didn't stop him. later, they had to go on a budget airline. they still vilify me about this to this day and i'm starting to feel very guilty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my younger sister, let's call her nia (24f) got married a few months back. a bit of backstory: she was born 2 months premature with a hole in her heart, which ended up healing by itself but she was in the nicu for about 2 weeks before she was allowed to go home. this seemed to have traumatised my parents quite a bit so growing up nia got what nia wanted regardless of what that meant for her older siblings. i had gotten married 3 years prior, and my husband and i live in a different country. i come from a strictly middle class family and my husband is very well off compared to us. i had two wedding ceremonies, one in my country and one in his. as his family is rich, the wedding ceremony in his country was much more extravagant than the one we had in mine. my sister had started saying things like "what your family can afford isn't enough for you is it?". this hurt, especially since my parents wouldn't stand up for me or admit that the only thing that they paid for was my wedding dress - which they considered to be my wedding gift from them and was relatively inexpensive. the minute my sister announced her engagement it seemed like she wanted to one up my ceremony even though she didn't have the financial means to do so. she would say things like "my soft blush theme is going to look so much better than your gold theme, it was so tacky" or making our father dish out $6k on her wedding dress and laughing because they didn't spend anywhere near that much on mine. the expenses kept mounting and she and the groom couldn't afford it and it was basically on my parents to finance the whole thing and they begged me to foot some of the bills. i ended up paying for the catering. for the 200 guests she had invited. fast forward to two months before the wedding and she goes "since you haven't bought me a gift yet, how about paying for our flight tickets to our honeymoon?" i wanted to say no, but my parents guilt tripped me and i did have a soft spot for my little sister so i caved. she wanted to go on her honeymoon to the same country i went to for mine. i bought her economy class tickets on singapore airlines, as it had the least amount of transit time and changi airport was a super nice place to transit anyways. she glared daggers at me once i handed her the ticket. soon, i found out from my cousin that she was grumbling about how i was such a cheapskate since i didn't buy her business class seats instead. apparently "she married rich. this is the least that she could do." it all came to a head when she confronted me in front of our parents for being an "unfeeling sister" knowing they would side with her. they started pestering me and i went home, and kind of broke down in front of my husband. he was pissed, and got the tickets refunded the next day. i didn't stop him. later, they had to go on a budget airline. they still vilify me about this to this day and i'm starting to feel very guilty. [/INST] esh. the sister is the biggest ah, but everyone else sucks (except for your husband) for enabling her by caving to her *over and over again*. </s>
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AITA for being topless at home?
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i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
| 24,453
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewudks/aita_for_being_topless_at_home/
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2020-01-31 20:27:11
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nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want.
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nta it's unspeakably rude to just let yourself into someone else's home. it's just as rude to be an hour early without any kind of warning. so, they're assholes even before getting to the bullshit of what you wear or don't wear in the privacy of your own home, and their opinions about that.
also, special shoutout to your partner for not having your back in all this- he's an asshole too for that. basically, you and the baby are the only people here who aren't assholes and are owed big apologies.
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nta. spare keys are for emergencies not so you can walk in at any moment. they still need to knock.
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nta....your husband is insane if he expects you to apologize to his parents after they violated your privacy by letting themselves into your home an hour before they said they would be there. they were also super duper rude to stay, wake you, and demand that you put clothes on for thier comfort. its your home. you have an absolute right to be naked in your own home especially when you are breastfeeding a newborn infant. what is wrong with your husband and his family?
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nta.
you could have even left out all the (legitimate) justification for being topless.
anyone who shows up an hour early and lets themselves in without knocking loses any right to complain about the “decency” of what they find in the other side of the door.
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we're all missing the important question here how was the nap?
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lol when i was breastfeeding my daughter my dear sweet idiot husband forgot to tell me that my fil was coming over. he walked in and i got spooked and took my daughter off my breast, meaning that my fil walked into my home tits out milk streaming. know what he did? turned around and walked upstairs. and we have never spoken about it because he is a good and decent man. op, your il's are complete assholes. nta
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nta - they're fuckin' idiots if they think it's fine to just wander into people's houses and then complain when they aren't dressed.
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absolutely nta for feeding your baby in your home. how dare they let themselves in and then complain that your boobs were visible in readiness for what nature intended! don’t you dare apologise- it is they that should apologise to you!
on a separate note, and no criticism intended; i know how difficult it is to stay awake, but please don’t fall asleep with your baby on your chest, it’s such a huge risk factor for sids. please have a look at the lullaby trust website for safer sleep advice 💕
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
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you have the right to be naked in your home - and surely everyone knows the risks of walking through a door without being invited!
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here? [/INST] nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want. </s>
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AITA for not letting my roommate wear something she stole from me?
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last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here?
| 24,686
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6hs86/aita_for_not_letting_my_roommate_wear_something/
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2020-08-09 11:24:11
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nta lol, she’s a thief who’s trying to guilt-trip you. people like that are just looking for people to take advantage of. they want you to think you’re the ah so they can pull stuff like this on you again in the future.
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nta. get a lock and key for your door
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>she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going
nta. this is her fault 100%, all she had to do was ask first.
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nta you are definitely not the asshole your roommate stole from you and then threw a tantrum when you asked for your dress back. she sounds extremely entitled.
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nta, and this still wouldn't be fine if you were friends. you ask before you use someone else's things?
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her boyfriend texted you because she couldn't look presentable enough for dinner at his parents house? i feel like it's not exactly your task to provide her with nice clothes if he has that kind of standards. nta.
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nta. i would be looking for a new roommate. that is a huge violation of trust.
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nta.
wtf. she didn't have the basic decency to ask you if she could borrow it. she invaded your privacy - *when you weren't home* and then has the audacity to blame you for her not going to that dinner and not herself? yeesh.
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info- how are you sharing a lease with a toddler?
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classic aita. obviously you’re not and know it. why are friends and family always getting involved and calling the op in these stories?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here? [/INST] nta lol, she’s a thief who’s trying to guilt-trip you. people like that are just looking for people to take advantage of. they want you to think you’re the ah so they can pull stuff like this on you again in the future. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter that her approval won't stop me finding love?
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hey guys, i'm a 50-year-old dude with 3 children (m25, f23 and f21) and in early 2016 my wife of 26 years passed away from lung cancer.
my 2 daughters were hit especially hard by their mother's death as they spent every waking day with her from the moment we were told the cancer was terminal until the day she was finally relieved from her pain.
my wives death left me depressed, immensely, because it was the first time in close to 30 years that i hadn't had a second-half that i could share my feelings and thoughts to with complete understanding, amongst a multitude of other things, some which simply cannot be replaced.
it took me a long time to get the motivation and drive i once had back and enter the dating pool once again and a few months ago i started seeing a woman ('becky') who i thought i would spend the rest of my life with, i was seeing her for about a month before i decided to introduce her to my kids, i spent a lot of time telling becky about each of my kids, what type of people they were and what they liked, i also told her about my wife and how much she meant to them.
so the first impressions seemingly went better than expected, it seemed like my kids got along with her like butter on bread, but my daughters called me a day after the meeting sobbing asking me how i could replace "mum" so quickly. now obviously i saw this as normal behaviour and completely understood it and even scheduled therapy appointments as a family (with permission for my children) to sort through trauma and any pent up feelings. long story short my youngest daughter didn't show up to any of the sessions. from that point on she always referred to becky as "my friend" or "dad's friend", along with passive-aggressive remarks, which becky actually bought up with me on several occasions whilst being visibly upset because she couldn't understand what she had done wrong to hurt her.
my other kids eventually started calling becky mum which really upset my daughter who exclaimed one night at family dinner "how can you call this woman mum? she's not out mother and you know that.", she stormed out of the room and i followed her and calmed her down until i asked her the question, "what can i do for you to make you happy?" which she replied with, "break up with that bitch i guess, that would make me extremely happy.", this threw me over the edge and i responded with, "this is the woman i love and you can't even show decency to her when she is in the room, i understand that you are upset and miss your mother but i don't need your approval to be in a relationship with a woman who i may or may not want to spend the rest of my life with.". after hearing what i had to say she started crying again and my other daughter had to drive her to her place for the night to calm her down.
&#x200b;
aita for what i said?
| 1,384
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l6ujp7/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_her_approval/
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2021-01-28 11:34:37
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info: i’m honestly shocked that your two older children started calling her mum and apparently without any discussions between the three of them since your youngest was so surprised. what caused your older children to call your girlfriend mum? because that honestly doesn’t sound right. there appears to be some missing info here.
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i am finding it hard to believe that two adult kids in this situation would start calling becky mom without at least being prompt to do so. one they have only known this lady for six months. two they do not live at home with you and it seems like becky does not live with you. three, those two were worried about you replacing mom so soon yet they are doing the same. four, you are not married to becky. five, adults usually do not need to replace their parents when they pass away. what am i missing?
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did no one else catch that op said that his adult children are calling the woman mom/mum already after only a few months? that’s not believable at all. good try, op.
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a month into your relationship you were already thinking about spending the rest of your life with her, and a few months later your adult children started calling her mom?
i guess nta but... your situation is really weird.
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nta but i do hope you do not expect your children to call becky ‘mum’. she has a name. it’s up to the children how to call her. but ‘bitch’ is not one of those options.
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nah, but does becky really not get what’s going on here? i’m not saying your kids should be treating her unkindly, but it seems like she is being a little disingenuous by saying that she doesn’t understand what she has “done wrong”. is she younger, and perhaps less experienced in grief than you are?
i do think that one month into a relationship may have been too soon to introduce her to your kids and claim everlasting love. i can understand your need for partnership (and it is evident in the language of your post), but i think you should consider this element as you work through this with your kids.
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what they call her mum??
that's a load of bs
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its only been a few months and your kids are calling her mum ?! it looks like theyre the ones your other kid should be mad at for forgetting about her.
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nta- it sounds like you did everything right-except the other kids calling her mum.....that's a bit much. question though......how old is becky?
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info: how long after your first wife passed did you start seeing becky?
how long after your wife passed did your other kids start calling her mum?
|
INFO
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.07791
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey guys, i'm a 50-year-old dude with 3 children (m25, f23 and f21) and in early 2016 my wife of 26 years passed away from lung cancer. my 2 daughters were hit especially hard by their mother's death as they spent every waking day with her from the moment we were told the cancer was terminal until the day she was finally relieved from her pain. my wives death left me depressed, immensely, because it was the first time in close to 30 years that i hadn't had a second-half that i could share my feelings and thoughts to with complete understanding, amongst a multitude of other things, some which simply cannot be replaced. it took me a long time to get the motivation and drive i once had back and enter the dating pool once again and a few months ago i started seeing a woman ('becky') who i thought i would spend the rest of my life with, i was seeing her for about a month before i decided to introduce her to my kids, i spent a lot of time telling becky about each of my kids, what type of people they were and what they liked, i also told her about my wife and how much she meant to them. so the first impressions seemingly went better than expected, it seemed like my kids got along with her like butter on bread, but my daughters called me a day after the meeting sobbing asking me how i could replace "mum" so quickly. now obviously i saw this as normal behaviour and completely understood it and even scheduled therapy appointments as a family (with permission for my children) to sort through trauma and any pent up feelings. long story short my youngest daughter didn't show up to any of the sessions. from that point on she always referred to becky as "my friend" or "dad's friend", along with passive-aggressive remarks, which becky actually bought up with me on several occasions whilst being visibly upset because she couldn't understand what she had done wrong to hurt her. my other kids eventually started calling becky mum which really upset my daughter who exclaimed one night at family dinner "how can you call this woman mum? she's not out mother and you know that.", she stormed out of the room and i followed her and calmed her down until i asked her the question, "what can i do for you to make you happy?" which she replied with, "break up with that bitch i guess, that would make me extremely happy.", this threw me over the edge and i responded with, "this is the woman i love and you can't even show decency to her when she is in the room, i understand that you are upset and miss your mother but i don't need your approval to be in a relationship with a woman who i may or may not want to spend the rest of my life with.". after hearing what i had to say she started crying again and my other daughter had to drive her to her place for the night to calm her down. &#x200b; aita for what i said?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey guys, i'm a 50-year-old dude with 3 children (m25, f23 and f21) and in early 2016 my wife of 26 years passed away from lung cancer. my 2 daughters were hit especially hard by their mother's death as they spent every waking day with her from the moment we were told the cancer was terminal until the day she was finally relieved from her pain. my wives death left me depressed, immensely, because it was the first time in close to 30 years that i hadn't had a second-half that i could share my feelings and thoughts to with complete understanding, amongst a multitude of other things, some which simply cannot be replaced. it took me a long time to get the motivation and drive i once had back and enter the dating pool once again and a few months ago i started seeing a woman ('becky') who i thought i would spend the rest of my life with, i was seeing her for about a month before i decided to introduce her to my kids, i spent a lot of time telling becky about each of my kids, what type of people they were and what they liked, i also told her about my wife and how much she meant to them. so the first impressions seemingly went better than expected, it seemed like my kids got along with her like butter on bread, but my daughters called me a day after the meeting sobbing asking me how i could replace "mum" so quickly. now obviously i saw this as normal behaviour and completely understood it and even scheduled therapy appointments as a family (with permission for my children) to sort through trauma and any pent up feelings. long story short my youngest daughter didn't show up to any of the sessions. from that point on she always referred to becky as "my friend" or "dad's friend", along with passive-aggressive remarks, which becky actually bought up with me on several occasions whilst being visibly upset because she couldn't understand what she had done wrong to hurt her. my other kids eventually started calling becky mum which really upset my daughter who exclaimed one night at family dinner "how can you call this woman mum? she's not out mother and you know that.", she stormed out of the room and i followed her and calmed her down until i asked her the question, "what can i do for you to make you happy?" which she replied with, "break up with that bitch i guess, that would make me extremely happy.", this threw me over the edge and i responded with, "this is the woman i love and you can't even show decency to her when she is in the room, i understand that you are upset and miss your mother but i don't need your approval to be in a relationship with a woman who i may or may not want to spend the rest of my life with.". after hearing what i had to say she started crying again and my other daughter had to drive her to her place for the night to calm her down. &#x200b; aita for what i said? [/INST] info: i’m honestly shocked that your two older children started calling her mum and apparently without any discussions between the three of them since your youngest was so surprised. what caused your older children to call your girlfriend mum? because that honestly doesn’t sound right. there appears to be some missing info here. </s>
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AITA for outing my ex as gay after she told everyone that I cheated on her?
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i know the title sounds absolutely terrible.
my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up.
the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it.
but alas, aita?
no. i did not cheat on her.
yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after.
| 33,694
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwrlls/aita_for_outing_my_ex_as_gay_after_she_told/
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2019-11-15 14:35:28
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nta, this wasn't revenge. she was telling lies about why you two broke up, you simply corrected them. your reputation was being destroyed; just denying it wouldn't have been convincing so outing her was necessary.
also, she **did** deserve it.
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nta, that was key info about your break up which clears your reputation of being accused of cheating.
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nta. i understand everyone saying everyone sucks but honestly what the fuck was she expecting? she could have at least ran it by you first. you two could have collaborated on a way for her to stay in the closet while also coming up with a decent, non-blaming reason why y'all split.
so while i understand the every sucks votes, i think they're wrong. she tried to save face and ruin your reputation. all you did was defend yourself.
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nta i was going to go with esh because i think outing someone is a horrible thing to do, but i can't. she attempted to ruin your reputation to hide her sexuality. that really isn't fair. should you have outed her? absolutely not. but she opened that can of worms. why not just say "we broke up." even divorce agreements have the "irreconcilable differences" option.
~~info did you actually cheat on her at some point or was the whole thing a total and complete lie?~~
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nta
what the fuck did she think was going to happen after she slandered your name?!?
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why did she feel the need to go 'full nuclear'???
couldn't just have said, "it didn't work out"???
why would anyone spread a vicious rumor about someone, if that person could potentially expose you???
nta
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nta. she lied about you cheating to do only one thing... gain some pity. she could have just as easily said you mutually split and left it there, but no... she decides to smear your name for who's benefit other than her own ego?
she threw an unprovoked punch... whereas you merely told the truth.
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nta. as a gay man i am generally against outing someone. it's their business and you have no part in it. in your situation though she made it your business by telling a horrendous lie about you. she could very easily have said that you two realized you both wanted/needed different things in life and parted amicably and remained friends. all of it would have been true without outing her, but instead she decided to paint a picture with you as the villain.
you had every right to defend yourself, which is what you did. the fact that it ended up outing her was on her. her actions led to this as she started the whole thing. i'm sorry this happened but know that you didn't do anything wrong. leave things at just correcting the record and if you can try to move on, though i know this likely stings quite a bit.
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info - something about this story isn’t adding up. she had a reason for posting on fb that you cheated, regardless of whether that reason was justified or not; that’s a hell of a lie to make up when you split due to her sexuality.
you said in the comments that you didn’t cheat on her but did sleep with a fwb a few hours later. were you in contact at all with the fwb between her rejecting your proposal and actually breaking up? did she know you slept with the fwb? and if so, how did she find out?
i think there’s more to the fwb situation than you’ve shared (especially since there’s no mention of it in the original post), and even if you were 100% faithful during the relationship itself, there was some assholery present that made her choose the nuclear option of accusing you of cheating.
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nta
she was literally trying to destroy your reputation.
all she had to do was say "it just didn't work out".
you aren't the asshole for defending yourself.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title sounds absolutely terrible. my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up. the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it. but alas, aita? no. i did not cheat on her. yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds absolutely terrible. my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up. the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it. but alas, aita? no. i did not cheat on her. yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after. [/INST] nta, this wasn't revenge. she was telling lies about why you two broke up, you simply corrected them. your reputation was being destroyed; just denying it wouldn't have been convincing so outing her was necessary. also, she **did** deserve it. </s>
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AITA for giving my kids a "dress code" for homeschool?
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i have two daughters, aged 12 and 10, and i homeschool both of them. this school year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for school time. towards the end of last school year, things got kind of tough. they'd frequently want to do school in their pajamas, and i didn't see a problem with it until they stopped doing their school work, got distracted, went back to sleep in the middle of schoolwork. we ended up getting behind by the end of the school year and had to supplement by doing school over the weekends and into the summer, which the girls weren't pleased about.
&#x200b;
this year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for homeschool. they are no longer allowed to do school in their pajamas. to really drive home the point, i bought some school skirts and tops for them to wear while doing school. i don't make them wear these every day, just on days when we have a lot of work to be done. i have found them to be a lot more focused and productive. my 10 year old loves her school outfit, my 12 year old not so much, but as we're at home most of the day, she doesn't mind too much.
&#x200b;
i've discussed this with some other homeschool moms, and i got a mix response, some think it's a good idea and others think that i should have asked the girls before implementing it and that i'm too strict. aita?
| 7,671
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dpvjj4/aita_for_giving_my_kids_a_dress_code_for/
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2019-10-31 22:58:23
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nah i think it's a good idea to have them get dressed before school since it probably helps them focus and drives home the idea that this is school, not play time.
that said, actually buying them skirts and tops seems a little over the top. not asshole-y but weird... i don't know about your girls but for me, wearing a skirt at school sucks bc you can only really sit one way and (personally) i'm not comfortable. i would say you should give your girls the option of wearing the skirts or pants. as long as they are dressed, focussed and working i don't think you need to enforce a specific outfit.
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getting ready for school, having a structured day...these are things that should have always been done.
yta not for the uniform, but because kids need structure and variety...and spending all day in their pjs with any regularity is not a good pattern. hobbies, friends, spending time away from parents with peers - are they getting all of these things?
falling asleep during school work??
sleeping long hours, difficulty with personal grooming, not caring about personal space...these are all things to be concerned about, especially in kids.
i've heard a few too many 'home school' horror stories and even when the parent is fully capable of teaching all necessary material...the kids are still being denied so many experiences. socializing with peers, and just being around a variety of people, teachers with different personalities, approaches, standards. finding their way around a campus, changing classrooms, lunch, breaks, after school activities.
regardless of how thorough a home based curriculum is...ultimately it cannot compete at all when it comes to simply providing an atmosphere and environment bustling with people, activities, and social experiences.
getting dressed for the day should have never been a question, just an expectation. that you let it go on, and now you are over-correcting by getting hyper specific about attire makes me wonder what else is going on (or failing to happen on a regular basis).
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[deleted]
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yta for homeschooling the kids in the first place. they are missing out on having actual teachers with varied personalities and teaching styles, friends they spend time with daily, and the myriad of activities and experiences offered by schools that are not available in your house.
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yta for acting as if it’s a choice. you’re the parent/teacher. either do it wholeheartedly or don’t do it. i mean every school day dress code not on a whim. inconsistency is really hard for kids to deal with.
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yta. not the clothing choices, but for the haphazard clusterfuck of a school you are running. how are these kids going to act when they get jobs and have to wear clothes everyday?
(i would say when they go off to college, but college kids walk around in pjs all the time.)
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>they'd frequently want to do school in their pajamas, and i didn't see a problem with it until **they stopped doing their school work, got distracted, went back to sleep in the middle of schoolwork.**
so you weren’t actually teaching them or paying attention to their progress? yta for that alone.
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info: why do you homeschool?
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yta. christ on a cracker. no wonder lots of kids and teens despise adults. clothing is not the reason your kids can't focus on school work. perhaps your teaching leaves something to be desired.
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yta. buy some pants to go with the skirts. forcing them to wear skirts is super weird
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.041117
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have two daughters, aged 12 and 10, and i homeschool both of them. this school year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for school time. towards the end of last school year, things got kind of tough. they'd frequently want to do school in their pajamas, and i didn't see a problem with it until they stopped doing their school work, got distracted, went back to sleep in the middle of schoolwork. we ended up getting behind by the end of the school year and had to supplement by doing school over the weekends and into the summer, which the girls weren't pleased about. &#x200b; this year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for homeschool. they are no longer allowed to do school in their pajamas. to really drive home the point, i bought some school skirts and tops for them to wear while doing school. i don't make them wear these every day, just on days when we have a lot of work to be done. i have found them to be a lot more focused and productive. my 10 year old loves her school outfit, my 12 year old not so much, but as we're at home most of the day, she doesn't mind too much. &#x200b; i've discussed this with some other homeschool moms, and i got a mix response, some think it's a good idea and others think that i should have asked the girls before implementing it and that i'm too strict. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have two daughters, aged 12 and 10, and i homeschool both of them. this school year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for school time. towards the end of last school year, things got kind of tough. they'd frequently want to do school in their pajamas, and i didn't see a problem with it until they stopped doing their school work, got distracted, went back to sleep in the middle of schoolwork. we ended up getting behind by the end of the school year and had to supplement by doing school over the weekends and into the summer, which the girls weren't pleased about. &#x200b; this year, i decided to implement a "dress code" for homeschool. they are no longer allowed to do school in their pajamas. to really drive home the point, i bought some school skirts and tops for them to wear while doing school. i don't make them wear these every day, just on days when we have a lot of work to be done. i have found them to be a lot more focused and productive. my 10 year old loves her school outfit, my 12 year old not so much, but as we're at home most of the day, she doesn't mind too much. &#x200b; i've discussed this with some other homeschool moms, and i got a mix response, some think it's a good idea and others think that i should have asked the girls before implementing it and that i'm too strict. aita? [/INST] nah i think it's a good idea to have them get dressed before school since it probably helps them focus and drives home the idea that this is school, not play time. that said, actually buying them skirts and tops seems a little over the top. not asshole-y but weird... i don't know about your girls but for me, wearing a skirt at school sucks bc you can only really sit one way and (personally) i'm not comfortable. i would say you should give your girls the option of wearing the skirts or pants. as long as they are dressed, focussed and working i don't think you need to enforce a specific outfit. </s>
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AITA for giving my son a substantial amount of money without asking my wife?
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(throw away)
so me and my wife have shared finances, all our money goes into the same accounts, we have separate cards but everything comes out of that same account.
my daughter is 15 and her prom is coming soon, she showed my wife two sets of pictures for two different dress styles. she either wants a flowy blue dress or this shorter almost fantasy-like dress. however, my wife keeps on sending her pictures of dresses in charity shops that look nothing like the dresses she showed her. my daughter doesn’t mind getting a dress second hand but the dresses are just not what she wanted.
yesterday my son had a parcel delivered. he took it up to his room to open it then brought a box back downstairs and called his sister down. she can down and i popped my head into the room to see what was going on. she opened the box and it was the exact dress from one of her reference pictures, the one she liked the most. she gave him a massive hug and thanked him and went to try it on immediately.
i thought it was so sweet and i know my daughter has been getting frustrated with my wife about the dress. but i knew that the dress was expensive, about £150 plus delivery. and i knew where my son got the money, he works part-time and has been saving recently because he and his friends are planning to go somewhere just them over the summer. i asked him about it and i had guessed right, my son had used his holiday savings to get his sister the dress.
it was all so sweet so i decided i was gonna pay my son back the money he spent. i wrote him a cheque for £200, which would cover the dress, delivery and give him a little extra. i don’t have a chequebook so i had to borrow my mil’s. i told my wife i was going to reimburse our son and she said that’s fine but i don’t think she knew how much the dress was.
i wrote the check, took him out to the pub, we each had a drink, played some pool and then i gave it to him. he hugged me and thanked me, tearing up a little. he was worried about making the money back with enough time to book the hotel with his friends but really wanted his sister to have her dream dress.
this morning before work my son cashed the cheque. my wife saw the amount on her phone and she freaked out, at first she was accusing our son of stealing one of our cards (which he never has), i told her no, that i had given him the money for the dress. she screamed that she wouldn't have agreed if she knew how much it was and that i shouldn’t have made such a big financial decision without her.
i didn’t think i was doing anything wrong because it’s not like we can't afford it and i knew how hard my son works with balancing work and school. but my wife does have a point that it was still a substantial amount without asking her and it's her money as well, so aita?
| 615
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubjm7f/aita_for_giving_my_son_a_substantial_amount_of/
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2022-04-25 12:07:31
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info: because i don't understand
> i don’t have a chequebook so i had to borrow my mils
this makes no sense. chequebooks are tied to specific accounts. in this case the money would have come out of your mils account. so why is your wife freaking out? does she have access to your mils account, or does your mil also have access to your shared finances.
all very mysterious.
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info: is a 200£ dress something wildly out of your budget or a reasonable splurge? i guess the question is: is your wife being frugal and sensible, or is she just cheap?
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info:
vaguely speaking, how are your finances? for some people, £200 is a huge deal. for others, not so much.
whether you're t-a here or your wife depends on your financial situation. like i wouldn't blink twice if my husband spent £200 most weeks, but if we're about to miss a bill he'd hear something about it.
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info: why's your wife so much more worried about your finances than you are?
it's definitely weird that you're using your mil's chequebook, and that you used a cheque to pay your son back (aren't there easier options? at least in my country it's a bit of a hassle).
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nta. did your wife ever say “you can only spend this much money” or something to that effect? your son did an admirable, selfless thing that should make you and your wife very proud. i feel like as parents, especially if it’s within your means, to recognize that and i don’t know if reward is the right word but make him whole afterward. he didn’t ask for it or anything but i think you did the right thing. i hope your wife will see that and come around.
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nta. you’ve raised a wonderful son that he would make such a sweet gesture and buy his sister her dream dress. he obviously saw how important it was to her, so why doesn’t her mom? i don’t understand the insistence on a secondhand dress if one can’t be found in the style she wants and your family budget can easily afford to purchase it new. these are special memories for teens and it’s well worth the cost. you told your wife you planned to repay him for the dress and she agreed, and i would think she had some idea of the dress cost since she was the one helping your daughter plan and insisting on another dress. you did the right thing stepping up for both kids and i don’t understand your wife, but she needs to realign her priorities on this issue.
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nta- your son did an amazing selfless thing for his sister. that would make any parent proud! you told your wife you were going to replay him, and she had no problem with it originally. it’s only when she found out the amount that she got mad. prom dresses aren’t always cheap.
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nta at all.
you **told** her you were going to reimburse your son for the dress. she didn't ask how much it was. that's her fault.
also, your son is really sweet brother, you guys raised him well :)
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nta
i'm assuming both of you earn well and even though dress is expensive it's not really making a big dent in your financial situation
honesty, wife should be looking more at the relationship and love your kids have. that's totally worth the money.
dress was bought by her brother with his hard earned money. you just reimbursed it.
if you had told your wife and she had rejected the idea then imagine how many things would have gone wrong.
1. son would think mom punished him and will think twice before next time onwards
2. daughter will be extremely sad knowing that her brother couldn't go on a trip because he spent money for her dress
3. you will always feel guilty
your actions kind of made 3 people happy and 1 person mad. you are a great father and you have great kids. well just to make her happy you can put that amount from your side into wife's account. in that way you spent your money and wife can't get mad at you.
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so your wife was able to see the amount of a check that had not been cashed and was written from her mothers account?
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INFO
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INFO
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.098154
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (throw away) so me and my wife have shared finances, all our money goes into the same accounts, we have separate cards but everything comes out of that same account. my daughter is 15 and her prom is coming soon, she showed my wife two sets of pictures for two different dress styles. she either wants a flowy blue dress or this shorter almost fantasy-like dress. however, my wife keeps on sending her pictures of dresses in charity shops that look nothing like the dresses she showed her. my daughter doesn’t mind getting a dress second hand but the dresses are just not what she wanted. yesterday my son had a parcel delivered. he took it up to his room to open it then brought a box back downstairs and called his sister down. she can down and i popped my head into the room to see what was going on. she opened the box and it was the exact dress from one of her reference pictures, the one she liked the most. she gave him a massive hug and thanked him and went to try it on immediately. i thought it was so sweet and i know my daughter has been getting frustrated with my wife about the dress. but i knew that the dress was expensive, about £150 plus delivery. and i knew where my son got the money, he works part-time and has been saving recently because he and his friends are planning to go somewhere just them over the summer. i asked him about it and i had guessed right, my son had used his holiday savings to get his sister the dress. it was all so sweet so i decided i was gonna pay my son back the money he spent. i wrote him a cheque for £200, which would cover the dress, delivery and give him a little extra. i don’t have a chequebook so i had to borrow my mil’s. i told my wife i was going to reimburse our son and she said that’s fine but i don’t think she knew how much the dress was. i wrote the check, took him out to the pub, we each had a drink, played some pool and then i gave it to him. he hugged me and thanked me, tearing up a little. he was worried about making the money back with enough time to book the hotel with his friends but really wanted his sister to have her dream dress. this morning before work my son cashed the cheque. my wife saw the amount on her phone and she freaked out, at first she was accusing our son of stealing one of our cards (which he never has), i told her no, that i had given him the money for the dress. she screamed that she wouldn't have agreed if she knew how much it was and that i shouldn’t have made such a big financial decision without her. i didn’t think i was doing anything wrong because it’s not like we can't afford it and i knew how hard my son works with balancing work and school. but my wife does have a point that it was still a substantial amount without asking her and it's her money as well, so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(throw away) so me and my wife have shared finances, all our money goes into the same accounts, we have separate cards but everything comes out of that same account. my daughter is 15 and her prom is coming soon, she showed my wife two sets of pictures for two different dress styles. she either wants a flowy blue dress or this shorter almost fantasy-like dress. however, my wife keeps on sending her pictures of dresses in charity shops that look nothing like the dresses she showed her. my daughter doesn’t mind getting a dress second hand but the dresses are just not what she wanted. yesterday my son had a parcel delivered. he took it up to his room to open it then brought a box back downstairs and called his sister down. she can down and i popped my head into the room to see what was going on. she opened the box and it was the exact dress from one of her reference pictures, the one she liked the most. she gave him a massive hug and thanked him and went to try it on immediately. i thought it was so sweet and i know my daughter has been getting frustrated with my wife about the dress. but i knew that the dress was expensive, about £150 plus delivery. and i knew where my son got the money, he works part-time and has been saving recently because he and his friends are planning to go somewhere just them over the summer. i asked him about it and i had guessed right, my son had used his holiday savings to get his sister the dress. it was all so sweet so i decided i was gonna pay my son back the money he spent. i wrote him a cheque for £200, which would cover the dress, delivery and give him a little extra. i don’t have a chequebook so i had to borrow my mil’s. i told my wife i was going to reimburse our son and she said that’s fine but i don’t think she knew how much the dress was. i wrote the check, took him out to the pub, we each had a drink, played some pool and then i gave it to him. he hugged me and thanked me, tearing up a little. he was worried about making the money back with enough time to book the hotel with his friends but really wanted his sister to have her dream dress. this morning before work my son cashed the cheque. my wife saw the amount on her phone and she freaked out, at first she was accusing our son of stealing one of our cards (which he never has), i told her no, that i had given him the money for the dress. she screamed that she wouldn't have agreed if she knew how much it was and that i shouldn’t have made such a big financial decision without her. i didn’t think i was doing anything wrong because it’s not like we can't afford it and i knew how hard my son works with balancing work and school. but my wife does have a point that it was still a substantial amount without asking her and it's her money as well, so aita? [/INST] info: because i don't understand > i don’t have a chequebook so i had to borrow my mils this makes no sense. chequebooks are tied to specific accounts. in this case the money would have come out of your mils account. so why is your wife freaking out? does she have access to your mils account, or does your mil also have access to your shared finances. all very mysterious. </s>
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AITA for cutting off my family over my mom's will?
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i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc.
things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love.
well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister.
for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day.
but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing.
so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since.
now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her.
but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself.
aita and being too harsh?
| 24,909
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gersvf/aita_for_cutting_off_my_family_over_my_moms_will/
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2020-05-06 20:25:26
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nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place.
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nta. nta nta nta to the hundredth power.
your mom essentially disowned you. she deserves nothing from you at all.
and your sister is very much in the wrong here too, like for allowing your mom to shower her with everything and to give you nothing, not to mention wooing your boyfriend from you and marrying him which is an incredibly shitty thing to do to you. i can't even believe these people are so clueless and so heartless.
good for you for carving out your own life. you owe them absolutely nothing.
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nta. if you don't feel the desire to have a relationship with these people, you should not have a relationship with these people.
if you feel really generous, tell your sister: "i really don't want a relationship with you, but since you want "sisterly" support from me, here it is: if you have more than one child, love them equally and treat them both fairly. bye now."
&#x200b;
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your mom is definitely an asshole. joey is also an asshole.
regarding your sister
> she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her.
asshole.
sounds like you had a good reason to cut them off. nta.
doesn't seem like you're being too harsh. and if you change your mind, it's possible in the future to establish contact with your sister.
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nta
it sounds like your sister wanted something from you. maybe she wanted you to come back and work in the shop? maybe she wanted money?
but her reaction definitely tells me that she wanted to get something from you.
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i suspect she wants your kidney.
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nta she was the golden child and when that wasn’t enough she stole your boyfriend. family doesn’t treat family like this. your new family is your family.
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nta. in japanese, there’s a saying that goes; “siblings are just beginning of strangers”. and i know that not every sibling are like this, but i know a lot that are. especially after your mother died, it might sound harsh to others but i don’t see how you owe your sister anything. tbh if i were you i wouldn’t have even gone to their wedding haha. but i guess to go is just common courtesy. however this anger that’s built up over the years can’t just simply disappear. you do what makes you happy. your sister and mother obviously did what made them happy. you don’t owe them anything.
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nta.
you spent your life with your mother and sister putting themselves first. even in reaching out to you, your sister put herself and her happiness before yours.
there was no olive branch offered, no remorse shown for her attitude or approach to your relationship in the past. it was just “how can you do this to me?”. she even made this about her.
if your happy with your life now, what reason did she give you that you should threaten that happiness for her own?
also, just wondering, you mention your mother’s will being what finally pushed you to cut them out of your life, but just that she had written it. are your parents still alive, and have they made any attempt to reach out to you?
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info
this story is missing a ton of detail on how exactly mom and sister deserved to be cut out of op's life forever. did sister cast a spell on childhood boyfriend and force him to marry her? mom just sort of decided to hate op willy nilly? where is dad?
i have a problem with how op characterizes everything as well. owning the flower shop was her dream. sister received car of her dreams. op got a clunker. boyfriend was seduced. it feels so victimy.
i mean the central problem i have is this: if things were so blatantly bad and so rigged against her from the word go, then why on earth would she need to come to this forum and ask if she's an asshole, because if we take op at face value, it's stupidly obvious that she's not?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh? [/INST] nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife I didn’t want to go out with her if she wears Lolita everywhere?
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so my wife recently got back into lolita, and hard. if you don’t know, it’s a japanese fashion involving beautiful dresses with patterns and designs, big petticoats, frilly blouses and accessories. it stands out from the kind of stuff your average americans wear a lot. she has a soft, cute face and the fashion really suits her. i love seeing her in it when she has the chance to dress up, and i love how happy it makes her. it’s really expensive, but it’s a splurge that makes her happy.
last night, as we were getting ready for bed, she told me she’d like to be able to wear lolita every day as her dream. with the field she’s going into, and her theorized salary from it, this is completely possible. i admittedly froze. she picked up on this and asked if i was uncomfortable with the idea- i said yes. i’m happy to accompany her to meets, where other people will be wearing the fashion, and i love helping her plan her outfits. but i’m too much of a chicken shit to handle going out with it every single day.
1. i work a medical job, and i represent my company. i don’t want to put myself in the position where if i saw a patient in public, i would be embarrassed to introduce her as my wife due to the fashion she’s wearing.
2. we’re queer women in texas. we get looks and comments anyway, and i don’t want to add fuel to the fire.
3. i would feel underdressed and awkward when she looks so cute and i’m in jeans and a tshirt.
i told her again i would go to the meets and conventions with her, and can support it where there’s bigger crowds. but i’m super uncomfortable with a lot of attention— if she wants to wear it out, that’s fine! i won’t stop her at all. i just can’t go with her.
she was sad but understood, and things were awkward the rest of the night. it kept me awake thinking about it. so i’m wondering, reddit, am i the asshole?
edit one: edited one of the points for clarity.
edit 2: gold?! thank you guys, wow. we really did not expect this to blow up! wife and i have talked— this is largely a pipe dream for her, and she doesn’t think it’s realistic with where our finances are. but we wanted to talk about it if it was something she’d be interested in. we’ve found a lot of compromises and talked things out- she’s over the moon i care so much about something to make her happy and find our happy medium. thank you all for your thoughts and your kind words.
| 2,241
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0aeb5/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_didnt_want_to_go_out/
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2020-02-07 13:21:24
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nah- it sounds like you both have your styles of preferred dress. it's not like you told her she couldnt wear it period. also you would be totally underdressed to go out with her.
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[deleted]
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nah. sounds like you have actual communication, which is good. you should both try to find each others' boundaries as in what places and events are good and what aren't.
you might also be able to find outfits that are stylish, tasteful, fine for formal and other events but are *lolita-ish* enough for your wife's tastes. how about trying to find a compromise with something like that?
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nah, and i'm honestly impressed with both of you. is it possible to reach a compromise together? maybe she can find some pieces that express her style and personality in a toned-down way that doesn't bring the extra attention you find uncomfortable?
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nah. you had an honest conversation about your feelings and offered support as much as you're able.
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nah
she's not the asshole for wanting to wear it. she can dress however she wants.
you're not the asshole for sharing your opinion. i took a look at what lolita fashion was on google. it does stand out a lot and if you feel uncomfortable with all that attention it's perfectly ok to say so.
remember: you're not forbidding her wearing it. she can wear it to work or whatever. you asked her not to wear it when you go out togheter in a mature and sensible way and she was ok with it. there's no problem here.
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nah, sounds like you have a good relationship
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nah.
here's the thing: everyone wants to feel like their partner would support them no matter what, right? and the idea of your partner being embarrassed by your appearance, especially when it's a matter of self-expression, is incredibly painful.
however, your reasoning is understandable and we can't always control our emotional responses. and honestly, it sounds like your reaction may be more rooted in your experiences of homophobia than anything else. if that's true, it may be something you and your wife should explore together. regardless of how this specific topic turns out, coming to terms with that would have to make you stronger, right?
do you think you could talk to her again at some point, after you've both given the issue some time? frankly, i see lots of couples with mismatched aesthetics - punk husbands and preppy wives, etc. is that discomfort something you can work past? if this is something she really and truly wants, i have to say that i think it's wrong of you to deny her that, or to refuse to be seen in public with her. maybe there could be a compromise, where her lolita aesthetic could be her regular wear, but if she's going out with you to work functions or places where you're likely to encounter people involved in your professional life, she could tone it down?
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nah - it sounds like you were mature in this discussion, but the outcome still sucks. sorry, hope things work out
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nah
it’s awesome that you guys communicate so well really. maybe a compromise would be her getting some casual lolita inspired outfits that she can wear when y’all go out.
things that aren’t full lolita, but still satisfy her desire to express that.
[casual yet cute](https://m.shein.com/us/box-pleated-pinafore-dress-p-405230-cat-1727.html?url_from=adpladress171109151l&gclid=cj0kcqiasvtxbrdkarisah4w_j_5cxth3n23fovhvtkq-48hnhevd4er17kpsl_st-plu7dfvecg-6uaaoygealw_wcb&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus)
[still pink and cute but low key enough to not have that attention you don’t want](https://www.lolitain.com/maid-cafe-new-york-official-maid-uniform-p-4563.html?utm_source=smartshopping&utm_medium=us&gclid=cj0kcqiasvtxbrdkarisah4w_j8597osexxghnz-opziokv0lfs78yuuajdjikcfbuw_abrggdvbld8aau9vealw_wcb)
[really cute for a fancy night out, but it looks very texan/southern belle style so it’s totally passable ](https://www.lolitain.com/strawberry-printing-lace-bowknot-sweet-lolita-sling-dress-p-6688.html)
[even toned down looks that have lolita touches ](https://www.lolitain.com/black-or-white-cute-lace-pure-color-classic-lolita-skirt-p-7462.html?utm_source=smartshopping&utm_medium=us&gclid=cj0kcqiasvtxbrdkarisah4w_j_alhs8juxmrfr5uddkpuojr1_kfb4bc0kmozrsip4fchibrb3rdooaakfsealw_wcb)
i’m sure y’all can find a compromise somehow. either way, just keep communicating and you will be alright.
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my wife recently got back into lolita, and hard. if you don’t know, it’s a japanese fashion involving beautiful dresses with patterns and designs, big petticoats, frilly blouses and accessories. it stands out from the kind of stuff your average americans wear a lot. she has a soft, cute face and the fashion really suits her. i love seeing her in it when she has the chance to dress up, and i love how happy it makes her. it’s really expensive, but it’s a splurge that makes her happy. last night, as we were getting ready for bed, she told me she’d like to be able to wear lolita every day as her dream. with the field she’s going into, and her theorized salary from it, this is completely possible. i admittedly froze. she picked up on this and asked if i was uncomfortable with the idea- i said yes. i’m happy to accompany her to meets, where other people will be wearing the fashion, and i love helping her plan her outfits. but i’m too much of a chicken shit to handle going out with it every single day. 1. i work a medical job, and i represent my company. i don’t want to put myself in the position where if i saw a patient in public, i would be embarrassed to introduce her as my wife due to the fashion she’s wearing. 2. we’re queer women in texas. we get looks and comments anyway, and i don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 3. i would feel underdressed and awkward when she looks so cute and i’m in jeans and a tshirt. i told her again i would go to the meets and conventions with her, and can support it where there’s bigger crowds. but i’m super uncomfortable with a lot of attention— if she wants to wear it out, that’s fine! i won’t stop her at all. i just can’t go with her. she was sad but understood, and things were awkward the rest of the night. it kept me awake thinking about it. so i’m wondering, reddit, am i the asshole? edit one: edited one of the points for clarity. edit 2: gold?! thank you guys, wow. we really did not expect this to blow up! wife and i have talked— this is largely a pipe dream for her, and she doesn’t think it’s realistic with where our finances are. but we wanted to talk about it if it was something she’d be interested in. we’ve found a lot of compromises and talked things out- she’s over the moon i care so much about something to make her happy and find our happy medium. thank you all for your thoughts and your kind words.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my wife recently got back into lolita, and hard. if you don’t know, it’s a japanese fashion involving beautiful dresses with patterns and designs, big petticoats, frilly blouses and accessories. it stands out from the kind of stuff your average americans wear a lot. she has a soft, cute face and the fashion really suits her. i love seeing her in it when she has the chance to dress up, and i love how happy it makes her. it’s really expensive, but it’s a splurge that makes her happy. last night, as we were getting ready for bed, she told me she’d like to be able to wear lolita every day as her dream. with the field she’s going into, and her theorized salary from it, this is completely possible. i admittedly froze. she picked up on this and asked if i was uncomfortable with the idea- i said yes. i’m happy to accompany her to meets, where other people will be wearing the fashion, and i love helping her plan her outfits. but i’m too much of a chicken shit to handle going out with it every single day. 1. i work a medical job, and i represent my company. i don’t want to put myself in the position where if i saw a patient in public, i would be embarrassed to introduce her as my wife due to the fashion she’s wearing. 2. we’re queer women in texas. we get looks and comments anyway, and i don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 3. i would feel underdressed and awkward when she looks so cute and i’m in jeans and a tshirt. i told her again i would go to the meets and conventions with her, and can support it where there’s bigger crowds. but i’m super uncomfortable with a lot of attention— if she wants to wear it out, that’s fine! i won’t stop her at all. i just can’t go with her. she was sad but understood, and things were awkward the rest of the night. it kept me awake thinking about it. so i’m wondering, reddit, am i the asshole? edit one: edited one of the points for clarity. edit 2: gold?! thank you guys, wow. we really did not expect this to blow up! wife and i have talked— this is largely a pipe dream for her, and she doesn’t think it’s realistic with where our finances are. but we wanted to talk about it if it was something she’d be interested in. we’ve found a lot of compromises and talked things out- she’s over the moon i care so much about something to make her happy and find our happy medium. thank you all for your thoughts and your kind words. [/INST] nah- it sounds like you both have your styles of preferred dress. it's not like you told her she couldnt wear it period. also you would be totally underdressed to go out with her. </s>
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AITA for ruining my brother's date night and having him come pick his 3yo son up after he dropped him off at my house right before my shift?
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i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends.
kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first.
last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home.
he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend.
it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that.
aita?
| 27,482
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sau0y0/aita_for_ruining_my_brothers_date_night_and/
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2022-01-23 13:48:04
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nta.
>he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency...
were they defusing a bomb together or something?
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nta
change your locks. and put your brother's number on do not disturb.
he can hire a sitter if he wants to go out so badly.
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nta and you probably saved some poor young woman from having your nephew dumped on her. your brother isn’t dating. he’s looking for a mommy-mcbang-maid.
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nta, change your locks
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nta. personally, i would take him up on calling his date and then i'd explain the situation to her - because any woman actually okay with his behavior here would be atrocious stepmom material and should be promptly out of his life.
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getting laid is not an emergency.
also,
"a lack of planning on your part does not constitue an emergency on mine."
nta
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nta... in a real emergency i get that your brother doesn't have much choice. but that only applies to a real emergency not a date. your brother is an asshole not just for the way he treats you but also how he treats his son. he treats his son like he can just drop him off somewhere whenever he likes. like his son is an inconvenience. that's disgusting.
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if i was that date i would be horrified to be dating a man who dumps his kid and runs! nta
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info: do you honestly think there’s a chance you’re the asshole here?
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nta and change your locks as he clearly cannot be trusted with a key.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita? [/INST] nta. >he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency... were they defusing a bomb together or something? </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to stop cooking bacon in my kitchen due to my teenage daughters vegan lifestyle?
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dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one.
we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc.
none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan.
she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan.
that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter.
frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.
| 51,279
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkqv29/wibta_for_refusing_to_stop_cooking_bacon_in_my/
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2019-10-20 22:19:11
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nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher.
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as a teen who’s trying to go vegetarian, your daughter is acting ridiculous. “the dish washing machine’s tainted”? what kind of bull is that? and she shouldn’t be forcing you guys to go vegan in your own house if you don’t want to. you’ve been very supportive as it is, buying separate pans. ywnbta
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nta, and i say that as a vegan. "cross contamination" is bs that militant vegans make up to make themselves feel superior to other vegans. and she has to understand that there's going to be meat around. i get that it upsets her, really, but unless she only lives with vegans for the rest of her life this is something she is going to have to get used to.
a compromise might be too keep the meat in a drawer in the fridge rather than getting rid of it altogether.
she's young, and a new vegan, so the good news is that she will probably grow out of/ease up on it. when you first go vegan you're so excited and feel so enlightened, like no one ever figured this out before you. then you get a little jaded and relax a bit. try to tough it out and keep talking to her. but no, you do not need to stop making/storing meat in your house just for her.
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nta.
she's 14. there is no middle ground at 14. my condolences, as it's going to be a long winter.
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pfft had a vegan roommate in the past. he used the fridge and dishwasher just fine. time for a real world lesson for her - she's not always gonna live with people who share her food lifestyle. she's got to learn to compromise. there is no reason to inconvenience yourselves and others because she's being a dramatic teen.
compromise - she has her own cookware and her own meat free section of the fridge.
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nta. you're already being as supporting as you can, but at the end of the day it's your house. you don't need to bend the knee to your daughter over this.
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nta, obviously. you've been supportive of her new diet choice and have been very accommodating by getting her pans to use for vegan food. she can't expect you to change your whole lifestyle to cater to her. meat needs to be kept in the fridge, and if the dishwasher is tainted then maybe she should try washing a dish by hand *gasp*.
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you know the answer, i'm assuming this is for your wife 😄 you are accommodating despite it being irrational. it's now being pushed to a new level of irrational. explain to your daughter that you're trying to be as accommodating as possible but this is too far for you and there's no grounds for farther arguing because you don't have the same perspective as her. she might be mad at you, but when she has her own living space and gets to make the rules, she might understand why you don't want to be forced to go elsewhere to eat.
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nta many vegans cohabitate successfully with meat eaters, your daughter is pushing the line here and being unreasonable. you have gone out of your way to support her dietary choices (i'm assuming that she washes her own pans and dishes by hand herself rather than using the contaminated dishwasher lol) it is time for her to learn how to coexist peacefully with people that dont think exactly like she does.
i think you wife is 100% wrong here and is trying to take the easy way to avoiding an angsty teenager being difficult....this is a fantastic learning experience for your daughter in tolerance and compromise.
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nta, but this actually sounds really complicated. teenage girls can have very contentious relationships with food, and that can express themselves in a lot of ways. i think you need to get more information going forward. she might just be a teen pushing limits and seeing what she can control. she might also genuinely be struggling with ideas about, “cleanliness” as it related to food.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house. [/INST] nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher. </s>
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AITA for not telling an Uber driver my age?
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this happened a few months ago and every time i take an uber (8-10 times a week) i'm still dumbfounded by the experience and wondering what happened here. relevant intro - i look young, but not that young - i'm in my early 30's, maybe could pass for early 20's but pretty clearly not a teenager.
i use uber to go to work 3-4 times a week, and this morning was one of those mornings. driver (\~mid 50's male?) pulls up outside of my house, i walk outside, open the door, say "hi \_\_\_ how's it going" and he just turns around and says "how old are you?". i was a little taken back since that's a pretty odd way to respond to "how's it going", so i responded with "i'm sorry?" and he repeated himself. i asked him why he needed to know how old i was, and he told me he needed to make sure that i was old enough to ride in an uber. i told him i was old enough to ride in an uber, and he responded by telling me that if i wouldn't share how old i was with him that he wasn't comfortable driving me so i told him that's fine and got out of the car and called a different uber.
aita for not just resolving this situation by telling this guy my age?
| 3,070
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcuc37/aita_for_not_telling_an_uber_driver_my_age/
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2019-10-03 17:44:31
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nah. uber drivers aren’t supposed to give rides to unaccompanied minors. he really was just covering his back. but i understand you being taken aback. i look young too and have had the same issue, it’s weird if you’ve never been asked before
https://www.ridester.com/lyft-uber-minor-policy/
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hm well website of uber says you have to be over 18 to use an uber alone and driver can refuse so it’s totally possible with teens and drivers age he has a hard time telling people’s ages so nah
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nah. he legally can't drive you if he suspects you are underage.
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yta, he's not allowed to drive you if you're an unaccompanied minor, he couldn't tell so he asked, and then you took that as license to waste his time. this is like getting carded for buying alcohol or cigarettes, i looked young and got that shit all the time till i grew a beard, that might not be possible for you but that's just the hand you were dealt, it's not license to inconvenience others because they can't tell how old you are.
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nta if you were too young to ride in the uber, you could have told him, "i'm 20" with no difficulty whatsoever. you told him "i am old enough to ride in an uber." unless he wants to check your id, that should be good enough.
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yta as an uber/lfyt driver you're not supposed to drive unaccompanied minors, and you would not -believe- the shit people try and pull on me. unaccompanied minors, trying to send their elementary school kids with me, trying to get me to babysit their kids while they shop, trying to convince me their kids don't need booster seats, trying to drink open liqour in my car, etc.
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[deleted]
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yta just answer this working dudes question so he can continue working. he has a right to refuse driving around underaged girls.
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tbh yta. he was doing his job. there’s a policy and he was just checking. i have a baby face and i’m 23. i get it. it’s annoying being mistaken for younger than you are. i just say “nah i’m 23” and move on. maybe it would be different depending on his tone of voice. but it’s not even that hard to answer the question. he literally said he was uncomfortable. uber drivers have probably dealt with a lot of shit. if i asked a customer a simple question and they answered with the way you did, i’d be pretty irritated right back. i wouldnt show it outwardly but things would just go more smoothly. and i do work customer service.
|
yta
you admit that you’re aware you look younger than your age so it’s pretty obvious why the driver was asking. even when he said why he wanted to know you refused to simply answer with innocuous info. i can’t imagine what you think another person could possibly do with just that information? do you get paranoid and suspicious when the bartender asks you for id? they’re both just trying to do their job.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.427856
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a few months ago and every time i take an uber (8-10 times a week) i'm still dumbfounded by the experience and wondering what happened here. relevant intro - i look young, but not that young - i'm in my early 30's, maybe could pass for early 20's but pretty clearly not a teenager. i use uber to go to work 3-4 times a week, and this morning was one of those mornings. driver (\~mid 50's male?) pulls up outside of my house, i walk outside, open the door, say "hi \_\_\_ how's it going" and he just turns around and says "how old are you?". i was a little taken back since that's a pretty odd way to respond to "how's it going", so i responded with "i'm sorry?" and he repeated himself. i asked him why he needed to know how old i was, and he told me he needed to make sure that i was old enough to ride in an uber. i told him i was old enough to ride in an uber, and he responded by telling me that if i wouldn't share how old i was with him that he wasn't comfortable driving me so i told him that's fine and got out of the car and called a different uber. aita for not just resolving this situation by telling this guy my age?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a few months ago and every time i take an uber (8-10 times a week) i'm still dumbfounded by the experience and wondering what happened here. relevant intro - i look young, but not that young - i'm in my early 30's, maybe could pass for early 20's but pretty clearly not a teenager. i use uber to go to work 3-4 times a week, and this morning was one of those mornings. driver (\~mid 50's male?) pulls up outside of my house, i walk outside, open the door, say "hi \_\_\_ how's it going" and he just turns around and says "how old are you?". i was a little taken back since that's a pretty odd way to respond to "how's it going", so i responded with "i'm sorry?" and he repeated himself. i asked him why he needed to know how old i was, and he told me he needed to make sure that i was old enough to ride in an uber. i told him i was old enough to ride in an uber, and he responded by telling me that if i wouldn't share how old i was with him that he wasn't comfortable driving me so i told him that's fine and got out of the car and called a different uber. aita for not just resolving this situation by telling this guy my age? [/INST] nah. uber drivers aren’t supposed to give rides to unaccompanied minors. he really was just covering his back. but i understand you being taken aback. i look young too and have had the same issue, it’s weird if you’ve never been asked before https://www.ridester.com/lyft-uber-minor-policy/ </s>
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WIBTA if I asked my friend to decorate her wheelchair for my wedding day?
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my best fried recently got into an accident and lost her ability to walk for "long" periods of time (idk how to phrase it. she can stand, walk a few steps but if she does so for more than a few minutes it hurts her a lot).
it's been a rough couple of months and i have done everything that a friend can do even tho i wished i could do more. but because of current circumstances more than skyping and playing online dnd is not really in question.
if everything goes according to plan i am going to get married in spring '21. of course my best friend will be in her wheelchair by then too.... because... well this is permanent. she is still my matron of honor i won't be asking her to stand in pictures nothing. but i was wondering if it would be insensitive to ask if we could decorate her wheelchair. it is not ugly. it is just a normal wheelchair. but i think it would be pretty if we could put some flowers matching with the theme on it. of course no where were it could damage the chair. also no painting of the chair or permanent alterations of any kind.
so would i be the insensitive asshole if i ask her if we could decorate the chair together for my wedding?
| 4,653
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h7jt3e/wibta_if_i_asked_my_friend_to_decorate_her/
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2020-06-12 12:29:18
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nah. it actually seems like a cool idea. just don't try to force her. ask plainly and simply. and if she says no then that's it.
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nah
i think it's kind of you to think these thoughts. just ask her what she would think about decorating the wheelchair wedding themed. don't tell her that thats what you want, just ask her about her opinion on the topic. btw, if your friend can stand for short periods, don't make the decision that she has to be in the wheelchair for photos ect from her. she might want to stand in some but not in others. have an open conversation and tell you you would like to make it as comfortable and enjoyable for her as possible.
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i agree with everyone saying nah just be careful to make it a fun thing you guys could do without making it seem like you’re trying to hide the wheelchair and ask her don’t push her into it
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nah. my brother was permanently in a wheelchair (i say "was" because he passed away), and i have been around wheelchair sports and similar communities for years. some people are very into decorating their chairs, and others just view it as a tool and don't want to draw attention to it or act like it is any different than wearing a belt. i don't think it would be offensive if you asked her if she would be interested in decorating her chair, but if she doesn't want to do it, obviously don't push the issue.
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nah. not insensitive to ask, but would be to demand. especially if you're going to do the work of decorating it. it could actually be something you two do together as a lead up to the wedding. but crafting isn't for everyone, so let her decide if this is something she wants to do.
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as someone who's a partial chair user, also for pain, i'd totally let someone do it.
like you said, you don't plan to permanently altar the chair in any way, just make it funky and matching for the wedding!
i'm also someone who happily puts tinsel on my chair at xmas and i even did the stereotypical cans on string behind me at my own wedding reception lol.
i agree with the others that just simply bringing up the idea would be the most tactical option. she may think it's an awesome idea or she may not be found of it. i think it's all about personality and how comfortable that person is with their use of aid.
oh and nah
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nah but it would depend on how you word it.
personally i think its a cool idea.
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nah, i think it could be a really fun way to bond with her and create something special for your wedding. of course, as everyone else is saying, ask first. be honest and tell her that you're not ashamed of her or anything, you just think it might be cool to decorate it and make it more fun. the wheelchair is an extension of her body basically, so it's the same as asking her to wear a flower crown, or wear a special bracelet or something. of course, it's her chair and she could also be sensitive about drawing attention to it, and that's perfectly valid too.
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as someone with a prosthetic leg, i always try to deck it out for halloween and mardi gras costumes. you're decorating and you want to take advantage of every canvas. just make sure you are viewing it (and proposing it) as an opportunity for more decoration and fun, rather than trying to hide something ugly.
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nah
just ask her if she wants to do it
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my best fried recently got into an accident and lost her ability to walk for "long" periods of time (idk how to phrase it. she can stand, walk a few steps but if she does so for more than a few minutes it hurts her a lot). it's been a rough couple of months and i have done everything that a friend can do even tho i wished i could do more. but because of current circumstances more than skyping and playing online dnd is not really in question. if everything goes according to plan i am going to get married in spring '21. of course my best friend will be in her wheelchair by then too.... because... well this is permanent. she is still my matron of honor i won't be asking her to stand in pictures nothing. but i was wondering if it would be insensitive to ask if we could decorate her wheelchair. it is not ugly. it is just a normal wheelchair. but i think it would be pretty if we could put some flowers matching with the theme on it. of course no where were it could damage the chair. also no painting of the chair or permanent alterations of any kind. so would i be the insensitive asshole if i ask her if we could decorate the chair together for my wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my best fried recently got into an accident and lost her ability to walk for "long" periods of time (idk how to phrase it. she can stand, walk a few steps but if she does so for more than a few minutes it hurts her a lot). it's been a rough couple of months and i have done everything that a friend can do even tho i wished i could do more. but because of current circumstances more than skyping and playing online dnd is not really in question. if everything goes according to plan i am going to get married in spring '21. of course my best friend will be in her wheelchair by then too.... because... well this is permanent. she is still my matron of honor i won't be asking her to stand in pictures nothing. but i was wondering if it would be insensitive to ask if we could decorate her wheelchair. it is not ugly. it is just a normal wheelchair. but i think it would be pretty if we could put some flowers matching with the theme on it. of course no where were it could damage the chair. also no painting of the chair or permanent alterations of any kind. so would i be the insensitive asshole if i ask her if we could decorate the chair together for my wedding? [/INST] nah. it actually seems like a cool idea. just don't try to force her. ask plainly and simply. and if she says no then that's it. </s>
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AITA for yelling at a little girl to get out of my face
|
my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans.
enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever).
her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid.
i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff.
finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up.
i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!"
people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on.
so reddit, aita?
| 23,874
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6t9kj/aita_for_yelling_at_a_little_girl_to_get_out_of/
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2019-06-29 02:26:48
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nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries.
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nta (the other mother is) you shouldn’t have to watch her kid in a waiting room. she should have kept the kids with her and they shouldn’t be touching your stuff. maybe could have said something directly to the mom but obviously sending her back she should have taken the hint.
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nta.
the fact that the child practically harassed you and then made it so you couldn’t feed your child would probably drive many people to yelling.
the mother is definitely the biggest asshole. for evidently not being able to control her offsprings. the child isn’t exactly an asshole if they have issues.
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nta. i say this because if it was your kid doing that everyone would be calling you the asshole. you are not that kids parent, or the kid help, so that kids parent should step up if she wants all the damn kids.
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nta, normally i'd say you overreacted by yelling at the girl but **she was endangering your newborn** so fuck her feelings. she'll get over it.
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esh i get you are on your last nerve. i've been there with a fussy baby, but you can't take it out on little kids. you got to be the adult in the room.
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esh. obviously the mom sucks ass. she should have definitely brought entertainment. i know it’s hard to take care of four kids, especially if one has a disability like you said but god damn, watch your kid.
i personally can’t see how yelling at a disabled kid would help you in that situation. remember, adults talk to adults. i wouldn’t have said you were an asshole if you took that energy to the mom.
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nta ..people need to care for their children if they are going to take them in public.
|
esh
yeah that situation sound awful. the little girl sounds like a demon. and the mom was apathetic.
you screamed in the face of a 4-6 year old who you think had special needs. i understand why you lost it. but that doesn't make it okay. you're also ta here.
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nta while you could of handled the situation better, the difference between how you handle an annoying kid vs an annoying adult is thus. you immediately or quickly yell at the adult. for a kid, you are polite, then get their guardian, and if their guardian doesn’t discipline them you try to gently discipline them, but it gets to a point when you have no choice but to yell at them. you didn’t curse or use overly offensive language, so i fail to see the problem. you can’t be excepted to sit there while being tormented by a kid.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.139196
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries. </s>
|
AITA for lying about my biggest fear on a quiz show and subsequently winning a car and making other contestants lose?
|
this is a hot topic in my family at the moment,
i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago.
the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there.
as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part.
i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m *not* scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it.
when i entered the room there were cockroaches *everywhere* i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge.
i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed.
now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car.
i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their *actual* fears.
i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think.
| 29,382
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmfsum/aita_for_lying_about_my_biggest_fear_on_a_quiz/
|
2019-10-24 12:38:15
|
nah. the tv producers are producing entertainment. you provided entertainment. sucks that people lost, but its a windfall, not an entitlement.
|
[deleted]
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nah. it's a "reality" show. the producers knew exactly what could happen. as long as it was good tv then you just played the game
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nta shows like that are all about how entertaining you make it and someone needs to win. did you make it entertaining? probably.
honestly i bet even the show itself wouldn't care after the fact
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nta. in any game, strategy is key. planning ahead is an important part winning. i look at it as you were simply being strategic.
|
nah
you played the game. it’s not your fault nobody else had the idea.
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yta. smart, but yta
the whole point of the game is that everyone is honest about their fears, otherwise the whole premise is worthless and it simply becomes a test of who can find a hidden thing fastest. cheating is wrong and you cheated.
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this is probably gonna be split into 2 different camps on here too. i'm gonna say nta. no one was hurt as a result of your actions. slightly underhanded, yes. but one could also argue you were just being crafty and playing to win. depends where your moral compass lies
just out of curiosity, did it happen to say anything like 'you must tell the truth on this form blah blah'
|
nta im sure most of the contestants didn't give their real fears, most game shows aren't actually how they seem and im sure this one was no exception, you still had to do something pretty gross to win the car
i have to ask though, what is your real fear? im curious
and did you at least act like you were scared of the cockroaches?
|
personally i’d say yta. you cheated the game and that wasn’t fair to the other contestants.
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.288981
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a hot topic in my family at the moment, i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago. the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there. as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part. i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m *not* scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it. when i entered the room there were cockroaches *everywhere* i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge. i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed. now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car. i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their *actual* fears. i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a hot topic in my family at the moment, i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago. the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there. as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part. i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m *not* scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it. when i entered the room there were cockroaches *everywhere* i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge. i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed. now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car. i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their *actual* fears. i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think. [/INST] nah. the tv producers are producing entertainment. you provided entertainment. sucks that people lost, but its a windfall, not an entitlement. </s>
|
AITA for sleeping in my roommates bed for a week after my boyfriend puked red wine all over mine?
|
my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other.
at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep.
the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week.
she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita?
| 11,315
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0yque/aita_for_sleeping_in_my_roommates_bed_for_a_week/
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2020-06-11 12:52:59
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yta
changing her sheets would be the least you should do. i’d be demanding you vacuum my mattress as well.
and it’s pretty disgusting not washing the puked on sheets either.
if you & your bf can’t handle alcohol or the aftermath, maybe don’t drink.
|
yta
not your bed you shouldn't have slept in it.
one night wouldn't have been terrible but a whole week in someone else's bed because you didn't want to wash your sheets is just plain rude.
sorry to say but your room mate is right. you're a slob.
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yta my god.
>my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well.
>i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other.
why would you continue to type further? this was enough info alone. you don't sleep in someone's bed who you don't even consider to be a friend, and even if it were a friend you should at least have the decency to ask. let alone bring your boyfriend into her bed as well along with sleeping in her bed for a week after then refusing to clean the sheets because it's "her" bed that had no permission to use? what told you that's okay?
perhaps you should move back in with your parents so they can teach you proper manners. christ.
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yta and clean up after yourself! it shouldn’t take a week to wash a sheet.
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yta holy wow.
1. who the fuck leaves puke for a week and doesn't clean it?
2. especially if it was puked on the bed?!?! i own a waterproof mattress protector and i'd clean that shit immediately to make sure it doesnt soak through. or at the very least throw that shit away?
3. how did you stand that smell for a week?
4. you never even asked/told her you used the bed.
5. i learned growing up that when you use someone else's stuff, you should return in the same state or a better state than you found it. that means after you use your roommates bed and shed your dead skin cells all over it, you should clean it.
this can't be real.
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yta
you didn't wash puked on sheets for a week, used your roommates bed without consent and then refuse to clean her bedsheets when she gets home
you are indeed a slob, wash the sheets
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yta. wtf is wrong with you. wash your dirty ass sheets
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yta . what you did is disrespectful and nasty.
a bed is a personal space. you drool there. you have body odor that impregnates in the sheets. people like their bed to be in a certain way before getting in it. you also slept with your boyfriend in there too... so just multiply the problems i mentioned. oh, also, global pandemic...?
how do you just leave vomit on a bed? that says a lot about you and your poor hygiene. be decent. clean her sheets.
about your roommate: good for her. she deserves better. disgusting af.
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yta. you crossed a huge boundary, and then you even refused to clean up after yourself (which should be the bare minimum). i would be looking for a new roommate too if i was her.
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yta - you absolutely crossed the line and absolutely should wash her sheets. you should wash yours as well. you left sheets on your bed that had puke on them for a whole week?? that’s disgusting.
you don’t sleep in someone else’s bed without their permission.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other. at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep. the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week. she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other. at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep. the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week. she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita? [/INST] yta changing her sheets would be the least you should do. i’d be demanding you vacuum my mattress as well. and it’s pretty disgusting not washing the puked on sheets either. if you & your bf can’t handle alcohol or the aftermath, maybe don’t drink. </s>
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AITA for wearing makeup as a mechanic?
|
i am a mechanic at a fairly large workshop and recently i started to use makeup as i found it was boosting my confidence. i started with something to cover my eye bags but later on also tried mascara and a few other subtle things. surprisingly i didn't get any comments from the other mechanics and everything seemed fine, my confidence was skyrocketing.
because of how large the workshop is, we mechanics have little to no contact with customers. customers are handled by two ladies working the front desk and we just go out to pick up the cars. very rarely we have to talk to customers to figure out the problem.
i also have not much contact to the front desk ladies as we have different break times and our system is automated so we don't have to talk in person.
yesterday i was approached by both of them which is very unusual and they both laid into me, that my makeup is highly unprofessional. seems like a customer who had seen me had made a comment abouth me. they were both quite rude, telling me i needed to skip out on the makeup as it was so unprofessional and they had to deal with the customers all the time so they were affected by it. i was stunned as we are usually on friendly terms and them going off at me left me speechless.
i apologized in the moment but later on i thought about it and i don't want to stop wearing makeup. i feel confident with it and i feel like i should be able to put it on. on the other hand they are right that they have to deal with the customers and i don't want to make it harder for them.
| 19,784
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n113dl/aita_for_wearing_makeup_as_a_mechanic/
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2021-04-29 10:00:30
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nah
>i am male.
you cannot blame the girls for being distracted from their work when you are looking this fine. it is on you to wield your power responsibly.
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nta. i imagine these ladies wear make up to work? how about if you criticised them for their choices? i'm sure they'd have you written up for disciplinary, so why the double standards? if some idiot bigot feels they have to complain about what their mechanic looks like then their life must be so very small.
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sorry what? some costumer thought he should have an opinion about your appearance and talked to the desk ladies about your appearance? than the desk ladies corner you and tell you how the costumer and they think you should look? wtf!
last time i checked mechanical parts did not react to makeup, no matter who has it on.
that’s a hostile work environment! go to hr or your boss! unbelievable!!!!
nta
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nta
sounds like homophobia. i don't care where you work, unless you've got something obscene on your face, or look like a clown, makeup shouldn't be an issue, regardless of gender. if it's ok for a woman to wear her makeup like that, it's ok for a man, too... it doesn't effect how good you are at your job. heck, pretty much all of the men they gawk at in films or magazines are wearing make up. they need to mind their own buisness, it's not hurting them.
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nta.
your body your choice. its your body not theirs. you can choose if you want to have makeup on or not. it doesn't hurt anything work related so they're not loosing business or anything. they're the ahole for reparmanding you for wearing makeup.
nta.
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do you have a hr department or any policy on uniform?
nta as long as your makeup is professional whats the issue? i assume these ladies wear make up? your makeup doesn’t dictate how well you can do your job!
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nta, dude you're a mechanic. your job is to work on vehicles not be customer facing. you should be free to wear whatever you don't mind getting grease on.
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nta, as long as it’s not overly exaggerated costume makeup they really can’t do much. wear what makes you feel good and ignore them. you don’t even interact with most customers and the mechanics don’t care so i don’t see the issue. they’re not your boss, they really don’t have any right to tell you what to do with your appearance. good luck op and put on some extra mascara just for them tomorrow.
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nta i'm always stunned by the amount of people that think makeup is only for women
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nta
unless your makeup is too over the top the it is unprofessional.
many professions allow for make up to be worn i don't see any issue with a mechanic wearing makeup. the only issue would be if it's in your employee handbook and if it is i would be questioning why you aren't allowed makeup.
hey if my mechanic put in the effort to wear make up i would probably trust them more then someone who doesn't put any effort into their appearance for work...
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a mechanic at a fairly large workshop and recently i started to use makeup as i found it was boosting my confidence. i started with something to cover my eye bags but later on also tried mascara and a few other subtle things. surprisingly i didn't get any comments from the other mechanics and everything seemed fine, my confidence was skyrocketing. because of how large the workshop is, we mechanics have little to no contact with customers. customers are handled by two ladies working the front desk and we just go out to pick up the cars. very rarely we have to talk to customers to figure out the problem. i also have not much contact to the front desk ladies as we have different break times and our system is automated so we don't have to talk in person. yesterday i was approached by both of them which is very unusual and they both laid into me, that my makeup is highly unprofessional. seems like a customer who had seen me had made a comment abouth me. they were both quite rude, telling me i needed to skip out on the makeup as it was so unprofessional and they had to deal with the customers all the time so they were affected by it. i was stunned as we are usually on friendly terms and them going off at me left me speechless. i apologized in the moment but later on i thought about it and i don't want to stop wearing makeup. i feel confident with it and i feel like i should be able to put it on. on the other hand they are right that they have to deal with the customers and i don't want to make it harder for them.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a mechanic at a fairly large workshop and recently i started to use makeup as i found it was boosting my confidence. i started with something to cover my eye bags but later on also tried mascara and a few other subtle things. surprisingly i didn't get any comments from the other mechanics and everything seemed fine, my confidence was skyrocketing. because of how large the workshop is, we mechanics have little to no contact with customers. customers are handled by two ladies working the front desk and we just go out to pick up the cars. very rarely we have to talk to customers to figure out the problem. i also have not much contact to the front desk ladies as we have different break times and our system is automated so we don't have to talk in person. yesterday i was approached by both of them which is very unusual and they both laid into me, that my makeup is highly unprofessional. seems like a customer who had seen me had made a comment abouth me. they were both quite rude, telling me i needed to skip out on the makeup as it was so unprofessional and they had to deal with the customers all the time so they were affected by it. i was stunned as we are usually on friendly terms and them going off at me left me speechless. i apologized in the moment but later on i thought about it and i don't want to stop wearing makeup. i feel confident with it and i feel like i should be able to put it on. on the other hand they are right that they have to deal with the customers and i don't want to make it harder for them. [/INST] nah >i am male. you cannot blame the girls for being distracted from their work when you are looking this fine. it is on you to wield your power responsibly. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to speak French or leave my house?
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my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her.
my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita?
| 11,779
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gfznjc/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_speak_french_or/
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2020-05-08 19:21:11
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yta. in what possible universe are you not the asshole here?
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yta.
imagine how it feels to be the boyfriend. would you want to go somewhere where you couldn't understand a single word being said?
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yta. what a terrible ultimatum. you are being unreasonable
also there is a great irony about you writing this in english. i hope you see that
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yta
if you want to live in a place where people only speak french, go to france. or as i understand, some parts of canada. but i’m betting people speak english there, too.
all you’re going to do is ensure your daughter won’t want to communicate with you. then when you haven’t heard from her in five years you’ll wonder why she never told you she got an awesome job, got married, had a child...
put your wonky heritage on the back burner. your daughter is a person. she is more important than what language is spoken. if you’re really willing to throw her out over this you need to re-evaluate your priorities in life.
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yta.
she is speaking in english so he's boyfriend won't have to sit there in awkward silence since he can't contribute to the conversation. is it that difficult to speak english while her boyfriend is visiting for like an hour?
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yta.
if your daughter's boyfriend is an invited guest in your home and you are insisting that everyone in the house speak a language he doesn't understand and can't speak, then you're the asshole.
plus you told her to leave in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
massively yta.
and as an aside, this is the exact way to make sure that at least your one daughter decides to never speak french again, especially around you. it's one thing to be proud of your family heritage an want to make sure it continues. it's another thing to be a jerk about it.
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oui, t'es con. tu lui as demandé de sortir pendant une pandémie -- à moins que tu sois imbécile, tu sais absolument que ce virus tue.
elle peut sortir avec n'importe qui, même un anglophone ou un allophone. vas-tu lui demander de ne plus rendre visite à ta fille car il ne connaît aucun mot de français ? c'est ridicule, surtout quand il y a beaucoup de familles mixtes qui parlent plusieurs langues dont une est la mienne.
merde, alors....
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this is a joke right? give me one good reason why you need to force her to speak french. until then yta. it one thing if all the members of the house are okay with speaking a certain language inside the house, but if one person doesn't then you're an ass for trying to force them.
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yta.
here's the ironic thing.
you have no issue typing out this entire post in fluent english, yet your daughter wants to speak in english and you threatened to throw her out on the streets?
you're a real asshole, you know that?
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yta. you are so obviously the asshole it hurts.
think of how your daughter's bf must feel. this is a scary, uncertain, alienating time for everyone right now and you're making it so much worse for him. he's stuck inside, away from his family, and can't talk to anyone in your household besides your daughter. imagine how alone he must feel.
you've done an amazing thing to preserve your french culture by making sure all your kids are fluent in french. all this little stunt is doing is perpetuating the stereotype that french people are pricks.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her. my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her. my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita? [/INST] yta. in what possible universe are you not the asshole here? </s>
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AITA for telling SIL she has no say of when I use my house where she also lives
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my siblings and i inherited money from our grandfather when he passed away. our dad was the administrator and he was not super strict and let us have access to it for practical things.
i convinced my dad to let me have some if it early to buy a condo. it was a 3 bedroom/ 2 bath and the price was amazing and very close to the university. after i bought it my 2 best friends moved in with me and paid rent and we lived there till we graduated grad school. i ended up getting married and moved away. i have rented it on/off and family has lived there as well while attending university.
i have 3 full siblings and 2 blew through the money in a few years and made very poor decisions. when covid happened my brother and sil went through some very hard times. they asked me if they could move into the condo until they could get back on their feet and save money. i agreed but told them my rules the master bedroom was mine and i could show up at anytime. i did not want to get any emails from the hoa we were good.
i am now getting divorced and share 50/50 custody with my ex. i have the option of working remotely or going into the office. 1 week a month when my daughter is with her dad i have been flying back home and staying at the condo. i have felt a strong desire to be with my friends and want to spend more time with family.
here is where the issue is. i sometimes drop in last minute. on a whim i catch a direct flight back home and just show up. this has started annoying my sil. she gets even more upset when i invite my friends over and we are drinking in the living room and acting like college kids again.
it came to a head last weekend where she confronted me about how inconsiderate i was. she said it was rude not to give notice of when i was showing up and asked that i let her know a week in advance. she also said that she did not want my friends hanging out more than once a week and needed to be gone by 11 pm. here is where i might be the asshole. at first i laughed and then i got mad. i ripped into her and asked her who the fuck she thought she was. i reminded her that i was the owner of the condo and she had absolutely no authority to be laying out rules especially when she was not paying for shit. i told her if she ever came at me like that again i would toss her out on her ass and if my brother felt the same way he could leave with her.
my brother confronted me and told me that yes the place was mine and they were guests but as a courtesy could i give them some notice and having my friends over was also inconsiderate without notice. i told him no and no and he called me an asshole. my friends and i are not loud. sil is very religious and is upset because we drink and have very adult conversations that offends her. so reddit judge me aita?
edit for info : brother and sil do not pay any of the bills. they are in my name. they have lived in the condo since april/2020. i would have to serve them with a notice to vacate if they refused to leave on their own.
| 8,696
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ol6jel/aita_for_telling_sil_she_has_no_say_of_when_i_use/
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2021-07-16 01:22:57
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esh
i think it's reasonable to ask for a day or two notice of you coming rather than just walking in, but a week is a bit much. and you don't need to ask permission for people to come over but maybe just tell them hey my friends will be here tonight since it's shared living space rn, favor or not for them. she's ta for demanding it all and trying to say friends can't come at all .
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esh yes they’re not paying anything but for decency’s sake you could tell them a couple of days or whenever you know that you’re coming over and having guests. a week is a bit much maybe, but it’s not like they’re asking for veto power, just a heads up. as for the guests, you say in one paragraph that you act like college kids and the next that you’re quiet. which is it? if it’s a week day then i think the request to tone it down after a certain hour is fair.
all in all it just seems like you’re on a bit of a power trip and your sil is stressed about the situation and demanding things past reason. i think maybe if you all calm down and sit down and have a real talk with empathy this could be resolved fairly easily.
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esh. you're all the ah.
you basically own the place but are allowing someone to live there as their home & you're pissed because they'd like some basic things like your friends not being over past 11 - i'm assuming since you said a week this is happening during work days. if i am wrong, please correct me.
your sil is the ah as is your brother b/c they are living rent free and you told them from the beginning you would be coming at random times with no warning. this is something you said from the beginning and they knew about it so it is pretty aggravating to have them be pissy about it now.
solutions: a) start charging rent and make it their actual home & stop dropping in or b) ask them to leave since you made it clear it is your condo or c) have some courtesy and don't have people over so late and act like you're all still in college. you aren't.
i can't get behind the whole giving them notice thing b/c you did tell them from the beginning
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normally, i would say n-t-a. but you have to catch a flight. there is no reason you can't have the courtesy of telling them "going home" before opening the door with "surprise" !! sil expectations are both a) ridiculous and b) against the pre-discussed terms. therefore, esh except the brother.
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esh
if you treat them like roommates, they deserve the courtesy of roommates.
if they’re getting a great deal, they need to accept your rules.
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esh. you are technically in the right but if you are letting them live there, you’re letting them live there. it is inconsiderate to just come unannounced. they could be in the middle of anything. sil obviously sucks because she shouldn’t be making demands in someone else’s home. do you have the right to drop by whenever you want? sure. does that make it any less rude? no.
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yta. yeah, you’re doing them a favor but they’re also living there. her requests were reasonable - she just wants a heads up about when you’re coming and for your guests to not stay over really late. you completely overreacted and got really controlling. even if you thought she was asking too much, you could have offered a compromise instead of just going for the jugular like you did.
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i would give them a 30 day notice to vacate. if you plan to use it regularly like this, things are only going to get worse. nta
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esh besides your brother because from what you wrote he said sounded like he attempted to be civil.
yes your sister can't make demands in your house but honestly there's a difference between last minute dropping by if you lived in the same town. but you have to buy a ticket get to the air port get on a plane and land. and you don't think at any time you can text your brother hey i'm coming by.
while before it didn't occur to you that it bothered them but now that you do it sounds like your purposely trying yo be an ah.
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i feel like op likes surprise visits so sil will be reminded that she’s living there for free and so that op will feel superior over her and her brother. there’s no reason not to give them at least a couple of days, or at least a few hours notice and i highly doubt op is quiet if they act like college kids late at night.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.192405
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my siblings and i inherited money from our grandfather when he passed away. our dad was the administrator and he was not super strict and let us have access to it for practical things. i convinced my dad to let me have some if it early to buy a condo. it was a 3 bedroom/ 2 bath and the price was amazing and very close to the university. after i bought it my 2 best friends moved in with me and paid rent and we lived there till we graduated grad school. i ended up getting married and moved away. i have rented it on/off and family has lived there as well while attending university. i have 3 full siblings and 2 blew through the money in a few years and made very poor decisions. when covid happened my brother and sil went through some very hard times. they asked me if they could move into the condo until they could get back on their feet and save money. i agreed but told them my rules the master bedroom was mine and i could show up at anytime. i did not want to get any emails from the hoa we were good. i am now getting divorced and share 50/50 custody with my ex. i have the option of working remotely or going into the office. 1 week a month when my daughter is with her dad i have been flying back home and staying at the condo. i have felt a strong desire to be with my friends and want to spend more time with family. here is where the issue is. i sometimes drop in last minute. on a whim i catch a direct flight back home and just show up. this has started annoying my sil. she gets even more upset when i invite my friends over and we are drinking in the living room and acting like college kids again. it came to a head last weekend where she confronted me about how inconsiderate i was. she said it was rude not to give notice of when i was showing up and asked that i let her know a week in advance. she also said that she did not want my friends hanging out more than once a week and needed to be gone by 11 pm. here is where i might be the asshole. at first i laughed and then i got mad. i ripped into her and asked her who the fuck she thought she was. i reminded her that i was the owner of the condo and she had absolutely no authority to be laying out rules especially when she was not paying for shit. i told her if she ever came at me like that again i would toss her out on her ass and if my brother felt the same way he could leave with her. my brother confronted me and told me that yes the place was mine and they were guests but as a courtesy could i give them some notice and having my friends over was also inconsiderate without notice. i told him no and no and he called me an asshole. my friends and i are not loud. sil is very religious and is upset because we drink and have very adult conversations that offends her. so reddit judge me aita? edit for info : brother and sil do not pay any of the bills. they are in my name. they have lived in the condo since april/2020. i would have to serve them with a notice to vacate if they refused to leave on their own.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my siblings and i inherited money from our grandfather when he passed away. our dad was the administrator and he was not super strict and let us have access to it for practical things. i convinced my dad to let me have some if it early to buy a condo. it was a 3 bedroom/ 2 bath and the price was amazing and very close to the university. after i bought it my 2 best friends moved in with me and paid rent and we lived there till we graduated grad school. i ended up getting married and moved away. i have rented it on/off and family has lived there as well while attending university. i have 3 full siblings and 2 blew through the money in a few years and made very poor decisions. when covid happened my brother and sil went through some very hard times. they asked me if they could move into the condo until they could get back on their feet and save money. i agreed but told them my rules the master bedroom was mine and i could show up at anytime. i did not want to get any emails from the hoa we were good. i am now getting divorced and share 50/50 custody with my ex. i have the option of working remotely or going into the office. 1 week a month when my daughter is with her dad i have been flying back home and staying at the condo. i have felt a strong desire to be with my friends and want to spend more time with family. here is where the issue is. i sometimes drop in last minute. on a whim i catch a direct flight back home and just show up. this has started annoying my sil. she gets even more upset when i invite my friends over and we are drinking in the living room and acting like college kids again. it came to a head last weekend where she confronted me about how inconsiderate i was. she said it was rude not to give notice of when i was showing up and asked that i let her know a week in advance. she also said that she did not want my friends hanging out more than once a week and needed to be gone by 11 pm. here is where i might be the asshole. at first i laughed and then i got mad. i ripped into her and asked her who the fuck she thought she was. i reminded her that i was the owner of the condo and she had absolutely no authority to be laying out rules especially when she was not paying for shit. i told her if she ever came at me like that again i would toss her out on her ass and if my brother felt the same way he could leave with her. my brother confronted me and told me that yes the place was mine and they were guests but as a courtesy could i give them some notice and having my friends over was also inconsiderate without notice. i told him no and no and he called me an asshole. my friends and i are not loud. sil is very religious and is upset because we drink and have very adult conversations that offends her. so reddit judge me aita? edit for info : brother and sil do not pay any of the bills. they are in my name. they have lived in the condo since april/2020. i would have to serve them with a notice to vacate if they refused to leave on their own. [/INST] esh i think it's reasonable to ask for a day or two notice of you coming rather than just walking in, but a week is a bit much. and you don't need to ask permission for people to come over but maybe just tell them hey my friends will be here tonight since it's shared living space rn, favor or not for them. she's ta for demanding it all and trying to say friends can't come at all . </s>
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AITA For walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend and a girl I had already rejected before
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i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there.
cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f)
to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me.
unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month.
so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again.
well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.
we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left.
i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?
| 28,682
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgr9s6/aita_for_walking_out_on_a_double_date_my_friend/
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2020-06-27 10:33:44
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nta
but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same.....
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nta
you've made your feelings more than clear to jane and your friend as well. you had every right to leave, as you had already rejected her 3 times and *still* she set herself up for rejection number 4. you're not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point.
your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a "date" with someone he knows full well you have zero interest in. though if i might venture a guess, i'd say that the double date was 100% jane's and your friends' girlfriends' idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come.
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nta. everyone else is ta in the situation. if the roles were reversed and you were a woman and jane was a man i'm sure no one would be giving you a hard time right now..
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nta you may want to speak to your friend about it
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nta
you definitely made the right call by leaving. jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention.
she needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren't interested, and you already told her several times that you weren't.
this is honestly really disgusting behavior on joe and his gf's part, and they should be apologizing to you.
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nta. everyone else in this scenario sucks except you. why would your friend and his gf set jane up to be humiliated when they knew how you felt? honestly they were just nasty.
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nta. definitely nta. jane can't take the hint that you're not interested in her and your friend and his girlfriend were trying to manipulate you into going out with her.
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nta. jane needs to learn to take no for an answer and john is a terrible friend for doing this to you. not that it’s any excuse but perhaps he was forced/pressured/manipulated into this stupid plan by his girlfriend and didn’t have the nuts to stay no to her. again, still not excuse and all 3 of them are ta’s.
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nta, i can understand jane trying once or twice, but a third rejection you think she would get the hint.
the fact that your friends know how you feel about her, yet still did that? its a massive red flag.
it shows a lack of respect for jane and an even bigger lack of respect for you.
how dare your friends put you in that situation? thats disgusting and childish behavior
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nta
you rejected jane, everyone was aware, the double date idea is not only stupid but also... very, very much ultra stupid.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same..... </s>
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AITA for splitting everything equally with live-in girlfriend?
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i (m28) am in a very happy relationship with my girlfriend (f24) other than some personal money concerns that i have.
first, i will note that there is a large financial difference between me and my so - i currently make about 370k, and due to a successful ipo i have a net worth of \~2.5m. on the other hand, my so makes about 70k and has a fair amount of student debt. my so is roughly aware of how much i make and likely roughly aware of my net worth (knows about the ipo) although i haven't revealed any specific details.
| 662
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kzus7s/aita_for_splitting_everything_equally_with_livein/
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2021-01-18 13:36:54
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info. you start up with stating you’re in a very happy relationship. you might want to check with your so to see if she thinks the same. you are so very precise with your numbers, i can’t be sure you aren’t measuring all give and take in your relationship with percentages. it sounds more like a financial arrangement than a romance.
i now see you’ve been together for four years. she’s been in it for the long haul and you’re deliberately hiding how much you’re worth. i think you’re doing this because you absolutely know how upset she would be if she knew the truth.
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>my reasoning for being quite pedantic about splitting things evenly is because i don't believe financial support should be a part of a relationship (especially one that might not end in marriage), and i'm wary of being "used" financially and being left later on.
yta if your leading her on into thinking there's a future between you both and you're having these doubts. i'm assuming yall have been together for a while if you're living together but in my experience when you're in love with someone then you do your best to take care of them and make them happy. roommates split everything down the middle financially, couples put in a 50/50 effort and contribute to building a life together
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info: do you live by your means or hers? do you shop/go to restaurants/ take trips to places that you can afford or she can afford? utilities and grocery sound fair but the rent thing should also take into consideration of who actually takes care of the house and if you split chores equally? there are many nuances in a relationship and being pedantic doesn’t always help on the long run.
also you said “might not end in marriage,” does that mean that you aren’t fully in? how long have you been together?
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yta
if you have been together for four years and still think she might be in it for the money.... you either need to get your head out of your ass or break up. it’s been four years!!! you know her by now so either she is a gold digger or you’re a jerk. if i was her i would be really insulted. relationships should be fair and balanced but that doesn’t mean 50/50.... mature adults discuss things honestly and then figure out what works best for them. you make over 5 times what she does!!! you should not be charging her rent. she should be using that money to pay off her student loans. if you love someone you do what you can to make their life better and easier.
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yta.
you make 5 times what she does, you split all the expenses and on top of that she pays you rent to help you pay your mortgage? i'm surprised she even agreed to these terms in the first place.
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you're not exactly ta for splitting it evenly but you're keeping yourself emotionally unavailable and at arm's length. you've been with this girl for *4 years*, and you're saying the relationship might not end in marriage. surely you know by now? you're making her pay off your mortgage to date you while you make up your mind. *you* will probably leave *her* - because no offence, i've dated guys like you. they always do this 'making up my mind' thing and then decide they felt guilty for messing me around and want a do-over with someone else so they could have a relationship free of any guilt from having treated me badly, and it absolutely wasn't my fault, but yes they acknowledge it's me missing out and having to take the fall for their bad behaviour as well as being treated badly in the first place, but they just can't force themselves, because it wouldn't be fair to me to stay with me when they were unhappy, you know? this isn't a money issue, it's an emotional immaturity issue. when you love someone, it's not about being in the right, it's about whether you care about them more than the principles you'd apply to a stranger; whether you consider their prosperity as linked to yours.
your post is dripping with arrogance. you 'don't think financial support should be part of a relationship' - no, she should pay her way. but she's paying more than that; a fair arrangement would be to split it proportionally. you're only saying financial support shouldn't count because you're the better-off partner. it's only luck that means you're self-sufficient; your world could come crashing down, and you're confident it won't, even though your gf would probably sell her left leg to help you. you don't view her debt as anything to do with you; it would be irresponsible to have kids without paying off her debt, so you're going to watch her drown in it, delaying the next stage in her life when you could help her pay it off, and then you'll probably ditch her for someone who's young enough to have kids, when *she* no longer has the chance to find someone who views her debt as 'our' debt because he wants to start a family together.
suppose your gf of 4 years was injured in an accident that wasn't her fault, and had huge medical bills, would you not support her *because you can* and you love her and she's your gf and you don't want her to suffer to prove a point? if that happened, and your relationship fizzled out, you wouldn't have been 'used', it would have been money well spent, to stop someone you love suffering. if you wouldn't want to stop her suffering, or your fear of being used takes precedence - come on, man. let her go, and find someone who would want to care for her in sickness and in health, or get yourself therapy because this fear of being used isn't healthy. either it's not her, it's you, and she's done nothing to deserve this suspicion; or it is her, in which case you should get someone you really love and not just coast along with someone who makes you fear being used.
overall, i'm going to say nah, because she agreed to the 50-50 and if she doesn't have the self-respect to leave you then that's not exactly on you. but get real. you don't talk about her like someone you love. i say this without acrimony. you both deserve better. you don't love her. break it off. don't make yourself an absolute asshole over this. don't waste her time *or yours* any further, just because it's easy for you right now and you like her enough to have her around. you need to date someone who's on the same level as you financially, because otherwise you'll continue to resent them and have this fear that showing love and concern for a struggling partner is being mooched off.
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i think a loving boyfriend would just make sure she has enough left over. just try to make sure she can save like 40%+ of her income. if you’re asking for her to split the rent but the rent is hugely expensive, just consider that. you’re not sure you want to marry her, so don’t let her invest all of her earnings into your relationship.
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[deleted]
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you’ve argued with every viewpoint that doesn’t align directly in your favor. if you’re so right about everything, then tell her you think she might only stay with you for the money and because of that, you didn’t want to discuss money with her and that you and your father made arrangements to assure she couldn’t screw you, another thing i’m positive you didn’t discuss with her. then after she’s left you because of your distrust of her, you can say you were right all along, because if she wasn’t a gold digger, then she would have tolerated the fake life you have built for the two of you. you’ll be happily surrounded by your money and assets without fear in your empty house. with no one to talk to or eat dinner with. travel with. have someone who understands you. revel in the satisfaction that no one gets the better of you.
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yta. you should split the bills based on income. if you make 75% more than she does, for example, you should cover 75% of the costs. besides, its your house and your have an appreciating asset in that - she is currently just paying rent... all i can say is she must love you a lot to tolerate such an inequitable living situation like that...
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| null | null | null |
YTA
| 0.149404
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m28) am in a very happy relationship with my girlfriend (f24) other than some personal money concerns that i have. first, i will note that there is a large financial difference between me and my so - i currently make about 370k, and due to a successful ipo i have a net worth of \~2.5m. on the other hand, my so makes about 70k and has a fair amount of student debt. my so is roughly aware of how much i make and likely roughly aware of my net worth (knows about the ipo) although i haven't revealed any specific details.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m28) am in a very happy relationship with my girlfriend (f24) other than some personal money concerns that i have. first, i will note that there is a large financial difference between me and my so - i currently make about 370k, and due to a successful ipo i have a net worth of \~2.5m. on the other hand, my so makes about 70k and has a fair amount of student debt. my so is roughly aware of how much i make and likely roughly aware of my net worth (knows about the ipo) although i haven't revealed any specific details. [/INST] info. you start up with stating you’re in a very happy relationship. you might want to check with your so to see if she thinks the same. you are so very precise with your numbers, i can’t be sure you aren’t measuring all give and take in your relationship with percentages. it sounds more like a financial arrangement than a romance. i now see you’ve been together for four years. she’s been in it for the long haul and you’re deliberately hiding how much you’re worth. i think you’re doing this because you absolutely know how upset she would be if she knew the truth. </s>
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AITA for not asking my MIL nicely to hand over the baby for feeding?
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hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming.
mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed.
last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer.
i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her.
he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here.
aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted?
edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady.
| 30,253
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/soo55j/aita_for_not_asking_my_mil_nicely_to_hand_over/
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2022-02-09 21:14:12
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nta. pack your gear and take baby to your parents.
re think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby.
protect your mental/physical health at all cost.
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nta at all and i’m very alarmed at your husband calling you a whiney little girl for trying to feed your child.
and then attempting to prevent him from being fed even when he was crying until you asked his mother nicely for permission to feed your own child.
you seriously need to evaluate if this is a safe environment for your child to be raised in.
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>i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place
#do this now.
you are under such stress both emotionally and physically, i think having an actual loving, supportive environment is the best thing for both you and your child.
take your child, go to your mom, and actually see how you're supposed to be treated by someone who actually loves you.
your husband is an abusive asshole. **please, for the sake of your child, don't let that become the norm of their life.**
nta
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“showing your son more love than you do” well maybe because the monster in law is hogging the baby. she’s doing more harm than good and obviously doesn’t love that baby as much as he thinks if she can sit there and hear them cry because they’re hungry. nta but please get out before anything happens, they sound super toxic. i hope all goes well, stay safe op 💕
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nta. pack up and take your baby to your moms.
oh and file for divorce cause this guy is a straight up abuser. yikes.
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divorce him.
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nta. find a safe place to get away. can you go to your parents' house?
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nta. wtf is wrong with your husband?
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nta, head over to r/justnomil your husband should be on your side and not his mother's. if it were me i would go and stay with family or friends until your mil has gone and your husband wakes up to what he is doing to you.
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nta….please please please take that baby and go to your moms. the way your husband spoke to you and failed to have your back is in no way an acceptable way for him to behave.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed. last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer. i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here. aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed. last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer. i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here. aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady. [/INST] nta. pack your gear and take baby to your parents. re think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby. protect your mental/physical health at all cost. </s>
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AITA For refusing to let a female student use the bathroom?
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okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect?
| 13,663
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdzue8/aita_for_refusing_to_let_a_female_student_use_the/
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2022-01-27 14:37:56
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yta
**it is never ok for you to comment on a teenage girl's biological functions, true or untrue.**
you should have just said, "you have not participated in (x number of classes/ x number of weeks), and if you do not participate *i am going to have to give you a failing grade."*
that is the limit of your authority.
&#x200b;
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assuming this is an adolescent girl, yeah yta.
1) menstruation is completely unpredictable in the early years so it could be a truthful thing (doubt it) but it could.
2) if you noticed she stopped participating, why not have a conversation about it instead of embarrassing her in front of the class? i’m sure you recall how god awful it is to be in a developing body and as a girl, you also get the added bonus of boys looking and making disgusting comments.
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yta you know there was a better way to handle that. you let this go on for 2 months without contacting her parents and letting them know what was going on? or your boss? instead humiliated a teenage girl.
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info: if this was a pattern, why weren't you able to address your concerns with a, a's parents/guardians, or a school representative in private rather than calling her out publicly in class?
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yta - you will not win this one.
your next steps should be:
1. speak with your union's legal counsel for your next steps.
2. stop posting on social media sites trying to justify what you did and garner internet points - because all it does is show you're an asshole who loves to humiliate women/girls.
3. educate yourself in proper ways to handle this in the future.
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if she really goes to the toilet for 45 minutes, why didn't you talk to her parents a long time ago?
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bro. when i went on the depo shot my period lasted nine months straight. i literally was bleeding or spotting every day for 9 months.
i also once bled through a pair of jeans onto the seat of a chair because a teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom during class. i even told her (her!!) that i was on my period and i was going to bleed through. i missed the entire next period because i had to spend the next hour cleaning myself up and changing into the spare set of pants i had (i had a really heavy period so bleeding through wasn't uncommon at all).
she may be abusing the system (male teachers are too uncomfortable to probe when it comes to menstruation) but you have literally no idea and there are way better ways to address this issue to include addressing it privately with her guardians/parents.
yta and your mishandling of this situation may cost you your career.
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yta- so you chose humiliation to try and stop this. after the first month you call a meeting with the parents or send them an email. you totally missed any chance of helping her with whatever issue is going on.
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i can see your reasoning but i would have sent her to the nurse and then got her parents involved to make sure she is either lying or have real issues.
yta
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info: did you say this to a in private or in front of other students?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.02053
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect? [/INST] yta **it is never ok for you to comment on a teenage girl's biological functions, true or untrue.** you should have just said, "you have not participated in (x number of classes/ x number of weeks), and if you do not participate *i am going to have to give you a failing grade."* that is the limit of your authority. &#x200b; </s>
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AITA for telling my wife I’m going to divorce her if she has an abortion.
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my wife(27f) and i(28m) have been married 2 years together for 6. we have been planning to have a baby for a few months and finally she has gotten pregnant. we were both happy, or so i thought. about a month after finding out she sits me down and tells me she wants to abort the baby,
i’m shocked. she says “i don’t think i can support a child right now.” i told her we both agreed to it and if you didn’t want to have a child you should’ve told me you wanted one. she responsed “i did want one then but not now after i’ve thought about.” we continue to argue some more then i tell her “ if you abort the child i’m going to divorce you.” i walked out and drove to my parents house.
she texts me telling me to come back but i’ve ignored her. i would’ve been fine about it if she didn’t agree to it beforehand but her changing her mind on something this big doesn’t go well with me.
aita for telling my wife i’m going to divorce here if she has an abortion.
tldr; wife agrees to have child one month after finding out she pregnant she tells me she wants to abort it. i tell here i will divorce her if she does.
| 1,911
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c0rpih/aita_for_telling_my_wife_im_going_to_divorce_her/
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2019-06-15 01:09:42
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nah. it sounds like you two might just not be compatible anymore. that's ok. better to divorce than try to fool yourselves imo. however, when you say you will divorce her if she aborts, do you mean that as a threat or do you just think you won't be able to keep going with her if she does? you would be ta if you mean it as a threat, but if you're just telling her how you feel you're not an asshole.
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nah. she's got cold feet now she is actually pregnant, a lot of women think "i can't do this" at some stage. and you've over reacted. i think you both need to calm down and communicate.
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wow people are being harsh.
i think nah. personally, i am pro choice all the way and yes you cannot make her have the baby. however, she cannot force to stay married to her either.
she got your hopes up about having the baby so i don't blame you for being disappointed.
obviously this is something really hard to get past and it's a life changing situation that impacts you both greatly.
if you feel that you need a divorce then get one.
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esh -- while i think it's extreme for her to go from 0 to 60 with "let's have a baby" to "i want an abortion," i think her feelings are actually super common. hypothetical babies are cute and wonderful, suddenly staring down the barrel of spending your life raising a kid and not fucking them up is a whole other story.
i myself felt slightly like this after i tested positive for our completely planned pregnancy. my whole life suddenly felt so uncertain and frightening, and while i would have never aborted a baby made of our love together, i told myself if i lost it in the first 3 months (one of 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage) it would just be fate. ended up catching an intestinal stomach flu and was so sick with cramps i thought i was losing the baby and it was the wake-up call i needed to realize i absolutely wanted that kid. three years old now and she is our absolute treasure.
instead of talking to her and trying to determine what factors in her life are suddenly scaring her so bad about having a kid (bad childhood? genetics? shakey finances? body issues? career goals? relationship issues?) and reassuring her, you flew off the handle and went straight for ultimatiums. heat of the moment, sure, but you booked it out of there like a bat out of hell on your poor already frightened, pregnant wife and refused to message her back later after you'd cooled down. and now you're wondering how she could ever dare consider an abortion with that kind of support base? wtf dude.
the only reason i'm sticking with "esh" is because it was planned. seriously, go talk to her, calm her down, and tell her how much you love her, what a good, loving dad you'll be, all the wonderful traits she has that will make her a good mom, and stop making this worse.
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nah
you are allowed to feel this way as well as she is. i mean, if she's not ready to be a mother is probably for the better that she does not become one. this a sensitive topic and if your views are strong about it that does make you two incompatible. so even though ultimatums are never a good idea -- she can come to really resent you and, worst, the child if she has it just to keep you -- in this case is probably fair.
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nta. ~~i might get downvoted for this, though.~~ your wife has the right to an abortion, and you have the right to a divorce. however, despite the wife being within her rights, i would still say she's kind of an asshole for aborting after trying for a baby. if she wasn't in a position to support a baby, she had several months to think about that before she got pregnant, and stop trying to get pregnant. it's unfair to the partner and the fetus to actively try to create something, only to get rid of it a month later because it's become an inconvenience. it would, of course, be different if something was medically wrong with the pregnancy. but as it stands, your wife is within her rights to act like an ah, but that doesn't make her not an ah.
&#x200b;
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oh man, your marriage is in trouble no matter what. there is no win here unless your wife sincerely wants a child. no way to avoid toxic resentment here. best of luck, it is a most unenviable spot.
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info - did she explain why she “doesn’t think she can support a child right now?” what is your financial situation? health insurance? family/friends support system? emotional stability? career prospects? why is she saying “she” instead of “we”?
feels like there’s some context left out here
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okay okay...yta...not for the divorce idea but because you didnt think about her. she could be just freaking out and you left her without support. you didnt even seem to try to talk it through with her. the hormones going through her body could be insane and even without divorcing youve abandoned her. youre forcing her to choose which honestly...most ultimatums are asshole moves and manipulative.
youre wife is also ta sortve. she didnt get an abortion but thinks she might want one. again she went to you because she had doubts and instead of attempting to ease those doubts just gave her an ultimatum and fucked off
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going to buck the trend here: nah. timing of childrearing is a huge issue in a marriage, and you and your wife obviously differ on it. i think planning on it, going through the process of conceiving, getting all excited about conceiving successfully, etc. only to back out could make a spouse feel different about his or her wife. i absolutely get being upset about this.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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ESH
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.35248
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife(27f) and i(28m) have been married 2 years together for 6. we have been planning to have a baby for a few months and finally she has gotten pregnant. we were both happy, or so i thought. about a month after finding out she sits me down and tells me she wants to abort the baby, i’m shocked. she says “i don’t think i can support a child right now.” i told her we both agreed to it and if you didn’t want to have a child you should’ve told me you wanted one. she responsed “i did want one then but not now after i’ve thought about.” we continue to argue some more then i tell her “ if you abort the child i’m going to divorce you.” i walked out and drove to my parents house. she texts me telling me to come back but i’ve ignored her. i would’ve been fine about it if she didn’t agree to it beforehand but her changing her mind on something this big doesn’t go well with me. aita for telling my wife i’m going to divorce here if she has an abortion. tldr; wife agrees to have child one month after finding out she pregnant she tells me she wants to abort it. i tell here i will divorce her if she does.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife(27f) and i(28m) have been married 2 years together for 6. we have been planning to have a baby for a few months and finally she has gotten pregnant. we were both happy, or so i thought. about a month after finding out she sits me down and tells me she wants to abort the baby, i’m shocked. she says “i don’t think i can support a child right now.” i told her we both agreed to it and if you didn’t want to have a child you should’ve told me you wanted one. she responsed “i did want one then but not now after i’ve thought about.” we continue to argue some more then i tell her “ if you abort the child i’m going to divorce you.” i walked out and drove to my parents house. she texts me telling me to come back but i’ve ignored her. i would’ve been fine about it if she didn’t agree to it beforehand but her changing her mind on something this big doesn’t go well with me. aita for telling my wife i’m going to divorce here if she has an abortion. tldr; wife agrees to have child one month after finding out she pregnant she tells me she wants to abort it. i tell here i will divorce her if she does. [/INST] nah. it sounds like you two might just not be compatible anymore. that's ok. better to divorce than try to fool yourselves imo. however, when you say you will divorce her if she aborts, do you mean that as a threat or do you just think you won't be able to keep going with her if she does? you would be ta if you mean it as a threat, but if you're just telling her how you feel you're not an asshole. </s>
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