Split (2)

train · 1.6k rows

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WIBTA for asking to pause my engagement after finding out my partners financial situation	i have been struggling how to put this problem into words without making it sound like a stupid first world problem and i just don’t know anymore so here it goes. i’ve been dating this great guy for 6 years. he is a single father to 3 amazing girls (his first wife died several years ago) before the world went to trash he took me out to a very fancy dinner and asked me to marry him, the girls then came out and asked me to be their mom. and they all presented me with an amazing ring he told me was a family ring. i said yes. shortly after they all went back out west to help his parents settle somethings with the family company. they recently came back, finished their isolation and got tested to be safe. and he came to see me as just said that he wanted to talk. well he dropped a bombshell that what i thought was a small family company is actually a million dollar tec company. i was shocked. he never acted or looked rich. he and the girls live in a nice standard family home for the area and wear nice clothing but it’s not like i have ever seen him/the girls/ items in his house that would be considered luxury brands. when we went out we would always sneak snacks into movies, pack a lunch bags togo,split bills, fly economic etc he said he never told me because he wanted to find love again with someone that cared about him and his girls, not his money. he then went on about how the trip back was really to set up the main house for us. i had already planned on moving with him once we got married so that was not the problem. but now he tells me i can be a house wife and just do whatever i want to be happy. i still love him but i feel like now there is so much i don’t know about him and i want to just put a pause in the engagement and get to know him again. i told this to my friends and they all say i wbta if i did so cause then i’m confirming his fear that money would play a role in our relationship and that i should understand why he lied. he and the girls are already in full wedding planning mode and i don’t want to hurt them. especially the girls as they have already lost so much. my friends tell me i should just move forward and if that even asking them to wait would make me a monster since they all clearly love me and i love them. so wibta if i ask to slow things down. i still want to be with him but i feel like i need to get to know this part of him too. but everyone around me is saying to just go forward as normal as to not rock the boat but this feels anything but normal.	6,664	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8mvd4/wibta_for_asking_to_pause_my_engagement_after/	2020-08-12 21:39:17	nah , he has good reasons for hiding his wealth, as it can attract the wrong sort of people.	nah both sides of this story are understandable. he's lost his wife, the girls have lost their mom, and he wanted to be cautious about new love. you have just had a bombshell dropped! a good one, for sure, but needing to take a minute to absorb all of this isn't unreasonable. the girls being so excited warms my heart to no end. they must really love you a lot!! maybe talk to your fiance and explain the shock of this, and the need to breathe a bit, and then sit down with those 3 little cuties and talk about how you are going to wait for a bit. they love you. it'll be ok. eta. i think you will find very soon that there is no other part of him to know. he's still him, just with deeper pockets. he has 3 little ladies to protect, and he did what he felt he needed to in order to make sure they stay safe and loved.	nta. a very rich person's secrecy about their finances is to prevent them from getting together with gold-diggers (which you are not). it is not because wealth is something to be ashamed of! it's not a black mark against them! are you worried you won't like being wealthy? but taking a pause is absolutely your prerogative. if things feel rushed, just slow down. you may want to meet all his relatives and visit the "family compound" and things like that, to get more of a feel for what you're in for. take your time. personally, i feel that your beau's humble lifestyle speaks very highly of his character! don't let this one get away!	nta. “i am actually a millionaire, and also we are going to move and you can be a housewife” are kind of big things to spring on you after you have accepted a marriage proposal. it may be a good kind of surprise but it’s still kind of weird that he pulled that on you, and i for one would be worried about what he might hide in the future.	nta. you have been dating him for 6 years and he only just told you this??? hiding wealth for a short period at the start of a relationship is one thing, but this long is not about him finding out if he could trust you when you were a stranger, it's deception and manipulative. a lot of this doesn't make sense tbh - what level of millionaire is he? i don't see that he could have access to tens of millions in liquid assets and be able to hide that for 6 years. does he maybe just get the odd dividend from his parents? and you say he went back to set up house? does that mean he chose where you would live without your input? there is so much that he has purposefully kept from you, and he claims it was because you couldn't be trusted not to be a gold digger?! this is so not okay. and yet apparently you could be trusted to play a major part in his children's lives? don't just carry on as if everything is fine, because it's not. this is a huge betrayal on his part. your feelings are completely justified. you deserve all the time you want (if you want to get over this), and the answers to all the questions you can think of. just because the lie was that he has money rather than debt does not make it less of a deliberate long-term deception. you need to figure out if you could trust him again.	nta he did keep a huge secret from you. but also his vision of your role and life is different from what you imagined or what you had discussed. i think you should talk to him asap about a long engagement were his daughters unaware of their financial position or did he ask them to hide things from you? were other people involved in this deception?	nta - 6 years is way more than enough time for him to have determined if you were a gold digger or not, especially if he was hiding his money from you the entire time. i can't think of any reason for him to save this until after the engagement. it's likely an emotional blow to meet the real person you've been dating for so long. pausing the engagement might be an extreme step from the jump but you're definitely owed a few conversations with him about his reasoning before things go much further. also: >he tells me i can be a house wife and just do whatever i want to be happy this sends up red flags. is being a housewife something you've told him you want to do? presumably you've talked about your life & career goals throughout your relationship, it's a little weird to think that in the back of his mind he always figured you'd drop all that once he allowed you to use his money.	nta. there are at least two things that you should always talk about before getting married: 1. your finances and how/whether you'll share them; 2. whether you want to have kids. &#x200b; > i told this to my friends and they all say i wbta if i did so cause then i’m confirming his fear that money would play a role in our relationship and that i should understand why he lied. i'm sorry, but it's insane to think that money should play no role in a relationship given how many relationships collapse because of issues related to finances. you've already demonstrated that you aren't with him because of his money (because you didn't know that he had that kind of money) and it's reasonable to be taken aback by this sudden revelation and the realization that he hasn't been transparent with you. i mean, i get why he would keep this information from you at the beginning of the relationship when you were just getting to know each other, but once he got to the point where he knew he was going to propose he had to have been reasonably sure of the kind of person that you were and felt safe in sharing this information with you before asking you to marry him. &#x200b; > my friends tell me i should just move forward and if that even asking them to wait would make me a monster since they all clearly love me and i love them. so your friends think you should just swallow your feelings and not acknowledge them let alone talk about them with the person you've agreed to spend the rest of your life with? what kind of advice is that? &#x200b; > everyone around me is saying to just go forward as normal as to not rock the boat i... what? he's already rocked the boat by throwing you so off guard that you feel like decisions are being made without you having all the information.	nah - he hid something from you, and you need time to recalibrate. i see his point hiding the rich to protect his kids from gold diggers.	nah. no ones an ass hole here as long as you communicate, but i think you’re reading to much into this. honestly, i’ve come to understand that this is very common. people with a certain level of wealth are forced by the people around them to be cautious. put yourself in his shoes for a moment: how will he ever know if professions of love or friendship are authentic or feigned? by not displaying wealth. further, many wealthy people don’t love in mansions, drive expensive cars, wear designer clothes, or fly first class. they love relatively frugal lives because money can be fleeting. at the end of the day, he’s still the dude you fell in love with, and his wealth shouldn’t matter. be open and honest, communicate, and never view him as a means to an end (the exact problem he’s been trying to avoid), and you should be okay.	NAH	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	0.009798	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been struggling how to put this problem into words without making it sound like a stupid first world problem and i just don’t know anymore so here it goes. i’ve been dating this great guy for 6 years. he is a single father to 3 amazing girls (his first wife died several years ago) before the world went to trash he took me out to a very fancy dinner and asked me to marry him, the girls then came out and asked me to be their mom. and they all presented me with an amazing ring he told me was a family ring. i said yes. shortly after they all went back out west to help his parents settle somethings with the family company. they recently came back, finished their isolation and got tested to be safe. and he came to see me as just said that he wanted to talk. well he dropped a bombshell that what i thought was a small family company is actually a million dollar tec company. i was shocked. he never acted or looked rich. he and the girls live in a nice standard family home for the area and wear nice clothing but it’s not like i have ever seen him/the girls/ items in his house that would be considered luxury brands. when we went out we would always sneak snacks into movies, pack a lunch bags togo,split bills, fly economic etc he said he never told me because he wanted to find love again with someone that cared about him and his girls, not his money. he then went on about how the trip back was really to set up the main house for us. i had already planned on moving with him once we got married so that was not the problem. but now he tells me i can be a house wife and just do whatever i want to be happy. i still love him but i feel like now there is so much i don’t know about him and i want to just put a pause in the engagement and get to know him again. i told this to my friends and they all say i wbta if i did so cause then i’m confirming his fear that money would play a role in our relationship and that i should understand why he lied. he and the girls are already in full wedding planning mode and i don’t want to hurt them. especially the girls as they have already lost so much. my friends tell me i should just move forward and if that even asking them to wait would make me a monster since they all clearly love me and i love them. so wibta if i ask to slow things down. i still want to be with him but i feel like i need to get to know this part of him too. but everyone around me is saying to just go forward as normal as to not rock the boat but this feels anything but normal.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have been struggling how to put this problem into words without making it sound like a stupid first world problem and i just don’t know anymore so here it goes. i’ve been dating this great guy for 6 years. he is a single father to 3 amazing girls (his first wife died several years ago) before the world went to trash he took me out to a very fancy dinner and asked me to marry him, the girls then came out and asked me to be their mom. and they all presented me with an amazing ring he told me was a family ring. i said yes. shortly after they all went back out west to help his parents settle somethings with the family company. they recently came back, finished their isolation and got tested to be safe. and he came to see me as just said that he wanted to talk. well he dropped a bombshell that what i thought was a small family company is actually a million dollar tec company. i was shocked. he never acted or looked rich. he and the girls live in a nice standard family home for the area and wear nice clothing but it’s not like i have ever seen him/the girls/ items in his house that would be considered luxury brands. when we went out we would always sneak snacks into movies, pack a lunch bags togo,split bills, fly economic etc he said he never told me because he wanted to find love again with someone that cared about him and his girls, not his money. he then went on about how the trip back was really to set up the main house for us. i had already planned on moving with him once we got married so that was not the problem. but now he tells me i can be a house wife and just do whatever i want to be happy. i still love him but i feel like now there is so much i don’t know about him and i want to just put a pause in the engagement and get to know him again. i told this to my friends and they all say i wbta if i did so cause then i’m confirming his fear that money would play a role in our relationship and that i should understand why he lied. he and the girls are already in full wedding planning mode and i don’t want to hurt them. especially the girls as they have already lost so much. my friends tell me i should just move forward and if that even asking them to wait would make me a monster since they all clearly love me and i love them. so wibta if i ask to slow things down. i still want to be with him but i feel like i need to get to know this part of him too. but everyone around me is saying to just go forward as normal as to not rock the boat but this feels anything but normal. [/INST] nah , he has good reasons for hiding his wealth, as it can attract the wrong sort of people. </s>
AITA for bringing up my aunt's husband's infidelity in response to her inappropriate questioning about my relationship?	i have an aunt who married a very rich man. they've been together for over 20 years and have 3 teenaged children together. she looks down on everyone else in the family because no one else is as wealthy or "high class" as her. every time i see her (which thankfully is not often) she makes snide remarks about my income, education level, weight, relationship status, apparel, tattoos... basically anything she has a problem with. i have a child with my ex from whom i recently split. we're on good terms though, and he doesn't have family where we live, so he's been coming to all my family's holiday events. at the latest dinner, my aunt was there and made a comment asking why he was there and saying "i thought you broke up." well 10 years ago, her husband left her for a younger woman and moved out for about a year. i am growing sick of her running commentary and judgement of my life so i replied "didn't your husband leave you for another woman? why is he here?" everyone in my family is livid. everyone thinks i owe her an apology. i've explained countless times that, while i probably could have used more tact, i'm sick of the judgement from her and sick of being looked down on. everyone knows she's a judgemental witch, but everyone enables her behavior because she pays for trips and things for the family.	15,405	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egipt0/aita_for_bringing_up_my_aunts_husbands_infidelity/	2019-12-27 23:27:44	esh. you stooped to her level. your family swap their integrity for free shit. she's clearly a mean, insecure person.	there are so many things on aita about “x said something mean so i was mean back. aita??” it’s just so basic and childish. the next time someone is rude to you in the way you describe look them dead in the eye and loudly ask them “why do you think it is ok to say (insert what they said) to me?” then wait for their response. you can just repeat that over and over again and they will just hang themselves.	nta and also buurrrrnnnn sending multiple high 5s your way my dude	nta. my uncle in law and i are rolling! he's a firefighter in california. he's like, "we do something called a controlled burn to prevent the fire from spreading. this is a controlled burn." this is an excellent controlled burn!! bitch isn't gonna pick fights with you next year, and she'll probably tone down the bitchery with everyone else as a result.	yta. me, thinking you broke up "i thought you broke up?" you "you're literally a cuck" the way you told the story you went from 0 to 100 way faster than was necessary. i guess her history of being an asshole is what you wanted us to take into account for the judgment, but it honestly didn't seem to come into play. if any good comes of this at least she won't be talking to you anymore. but she will talk crap about you more.	yta. this sub has really got to start doing something about posts where op's include information that is not actually related to the issue they present but is included so they can make the opposite party look bad as a precursor so that people are already in a mindset of "well, the other person sucks so they are ta!" your aunt being an uppity, condescending person in general had nothing to do with what happened. she asked a reasonable question that the average person would be reasonably inquisitive about. she isn't ta for asking why your ex is at a family event. your ex is no longer family so it makes more sense that he wouldn't be there and "i thought you broke up" isn't even remotely rude. all you had to say is "we broke up but we're still on good terms and the others still consider him family." to escalate it to something probably very hurtful from 10 years ago was mean and unbecoming. i think it's very telling that you have a lot to say about the things that she does that make her a bad person but for the stuff she provides for the family, it's just vacations and things. things like what? bills? school? i'm sick of posts that don't even attempt to at least be self-aware.	well, you and your ex are on good terms, and he is your ex, so having her ask about him wouldn't be [incredibly painful](https://www.deathsfromcoronavirus.com) or humiliating for you, right? yta for returning a petty annoyance with something truly hurtful.	esh there are so many stories here where people ask "this person was an asshole so i was an asshole back. am i an asshole?" yes. you are. it's right there in your question. two assholes don't make a non-asshole. they make an esh. the question isn't "am i a justified and righteous asshole?" because we can't judge that. maybe you guys are regularly bitches to each other. maybe she started it. maybe her side is totally different. maybe your whole family picks at each other like this. those are questions too nuanced for aita. we are just here here to guess asshole/not-asshole. and yes you were an asshole, as was she. esh	info is it at all possible that, in this particular instance, she was genuinely asking? like, "oh i thought you two broke up!" could be construed as being clueless without being poisonous, you know what i mean?	yta she was asking a totally legitimate question, albeit in an insensitive manner that was very possibly due to her expecting you to say you didn't break up and that she was mistaken. your response was uncalled for and hateful.	ESH	null	NTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	INFO	YTA	0.347438	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have an aunt who married a very rich man. they've been together for over 20 years and have 3 teenaged children together. she looks down on everyone else in the family because no one else is as wealthy or "high class" as her. every time i see her (which thankfully is not often) she makes snide remarks about my income, education level, weight, relationship status, apparel, tattoos... basically anything she has a problem with. i have a child with my ex from whom i recently split. we're on good terms though, and he doesn't have family where we live, so he's been coming to all my family's holiday events. at the latest dinner, my aunt was there and made a comment asking why he was there and saying "i thought you broke up." well 10 years ago, her husband left her for a younger woman and moved out for about a year. i am growing sick of her running commentary and judgement of my life so i replied "didn't your husband leave you for another woman? why is he here?" everyone in my family is livid. everyone thinks i owe her an apology. i've explained countless times that, while i probably could have used more tact, i'm sick of the judgement from her and sick of being looked down on. everyone knows she's a judgemental witch, but everyone enables her behavior because she pays for trips and things for the family.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have an aunt who married a very rich man. they've been together for over 20 years and have 3 teenaged children together. she looks down on everyone else in the family because no one else is as wealthy or "high class" as her. every time i see her (which thankfully is not often) she makes snide remarks about my income, education level, weight, relationship status, apparel, tattoos... basically anything she has a problem with. i have a child with my ex from whom i recently split. we're on good terms though, and he doesn't have family where we live, so he's been coming to all my family's holiday events. at the latest dinner, my aunt was there and made a comment asking why he was there and saying "i thought you broke up." well 10 years ago, her husband left her for a younger woman and moved out for about a year. i am growing sick of her running commentary and judgement of my life so i replied "didn't your husband leave you for another woman? why is he here?" everyone in my family is livid. everyone thinks i owe her an apology. i've explained countless times that, while i probably could have used more tact, i'm sick of the judgement from her and sick of being looked down on. everyone knows she's a judgemental witch, but everyone enables her behavior because she pays for trips and things for the family. [/INST] esh. you stooped to her level. your family swap their integrity for free shit. she's clearly a mean, insecure person. </s>
AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter?	(i made this account just to post this) mark (38m) and i (28ftm) have been together for 6years total, engaged for 2. ireena(mtf) is currently 12, but i met her when she was 6. she is mark's biological child, i'm her step-father. ireena and i have always been extremely close, she started calling me dad only a couple months into mark and i dating. it really wasn't a surprise to me when she came out to me a transgirl. (mark was not home at the time.) the two of us sat down and looked through baby girl names until we picked one she liked. she asked me not to tell mark yet, so i never did. she wanted to come out to him when she was ready. it has been a little over a month since that happen and i still haven't. last night, mark must have heard me call her ireena when i was telling her to go to bed and he asked about it when i came to our room. i tried to talk around it but did eventually tell him that ireena had come out. he blew up. i had expected he might be a little upset but this was way more than i could have anticipated. i tried to explain that, since i myself am trans and he isn't, it makes sense that she would come to me about first. i understand how she's feeling more and how to talk about it. on top of that, i didn't want to go against her trust. "but it's okay to go against mine?" was his reply. he's always been a little self conscious of our relationship- he's disabled so could never play with her growing up. i obviously made up for that once i was around (single father from the time she was born) and it took him a long time to get past it. i don't have any proof that this has anything to do with last night but it might? we went to sleep without resolving the tension. this morning, when ireena came down for breakfast, he greeted her with "good morning, ireena" even though i had practically begged him last night not to let her know he knew. she immediately started crying and went back to her room without eating. obviously mark isn't transphobic, but i'm not sure what the actual problem is and now neither of them will speak to me and i have no idea what to do.	1,514	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/huwt9q/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiance_we_have_a_daughter/	2020-07-20 23:56:03	esh except ireena. you outed her to her father without her permission, i understand it wasn’t your intention but you still did it. mark shouldn’t have called her ireena without telling her he knows though. now that everything is out in the open, i hope you all can get through this. i think it will help for her to have a trans father. if she forgives you, please be there for her.	you are nta. mark is. i would write ireena a note and slip it under her door explaining that you were calling her the name she chose out of respect and mark overheard it. tell her she needs to talk to mark. this is an extremely sensitive time for her. mark is an ah for not respecting that. the fact that she felt comfortable finally talking to someone about it is huge. he disrespected both of you.	i thought it was an unwritten rule to never out anyone in the lgbt community. while you kind or did that, it was a genuine mistake and it was unintended. mark had the right to maybe be slightly annoyed, but he should have understood that it’s going to be easier to talk to another trans person about being trans lol. he should not have called ireena by the name that she didn’t tell him to call her by. that’s what makes him the ah in this situation. he should have waited for her to talk to him when she was ready. nta.	nta, you got put into a really difficult situation that you couldn't really back out of. mark took the news really negatively and felt that it was you taking his daughter and the important moments associated away from him. it's hard to accept that your daughter is more comfortable with you than with her biological father on something like this. it's not your fault that things fell into place the way they did, and it's mark's fault for making such a huge thing about it and going against yours and your step-daughter's wishes.	esh except for this poor child who needs therapy and a real support system, not this dumpster fire where she’s calling her fathers new relationship “daddy” after two months. the dysfunction is so strong with this post as are the myriad of unwritten things.	you are definitely nta. mark most likely knew your daughter was trans after a few mins in the conversation, but it sounds like he kept prying. i don’t know but i’m betting coming out as trans is harder (in some cases) than coming out gay, and mark should’ve at least have the respect to continue acting like ireena wasn’t trans, cause i’m betting he wouldn’t have liked it if he was outed at 12	nta. i don't think you're the asshole for not telling your partner, and i do think it was kind of shitty to tell him, but if he backed you into a corner that's kinda on him (though maybe you should have held your ground? idk, i wasn't there). i'd try to let ireena know what happened, so she doesn't think you purposefully went behind your back, and have a family discussion where everyone can openly and honestly discuss why they feel hurt and hopefully come out of this whole situation feeling more connected. good luck, op! (also, i know it's not really my place to say anything- it's your relationship, and i don't know the details, etc. etc., but the fact that you two got together when he was 32 and you were only 22 is... a lil concerning? like, 22 is barely an adult and at 32 you've had almost a decade to establish yourself as an adult. again, not the topic at hand, just something that made me raise an eyebrow.)	nta. you did the right thing. no one should be forced out of the closet before they're ready, even to someone you know will support them. mark fucked up. not you.	yta 12 year olds are not old enough to know if they’re trans or not. if they’re not old enough to choose which parent gets custody of them they sure as hell can’t make a decision this big.	i don’t really have a judgement on this except to say that calling ireena by her chosen name while mark was around is absurd. no matter how large a space is, people can overhear things.	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	0.246103	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (i made this account just to post this) mark (38m) and i (28ftm) have been together for 6years total, engaged for 2. ireena(mtf) is currently 12, but i met her when she was 6. she is mark's biological child, i'm her step-father. ireena and i have always been extremely close, she started calling me dad only a couple months into mark and i dating. it really wasn't a surprise to me when she came out to me a transgirl. (mark was not home at the time.) the two of us sat down and looked through baby girl names until we picked one she liked. she asked me not to tell mark yet, so i never did. she wanted to come out to him when she was ready. it has been a little over a month since that happen and i still haven't. last night, mark must have heard me call her ireena when i was telling her to go to bed and he asked about it when i came to our room. i tried to talk around it but did eventually tell him that ireena had come out. he blew up. i had expected he might be a little upset but this was way more than i could have anticipated. i tried to explain that, since i myself am trans and he isn't, it makes sense that she would come to me about first. i understand how she's feeling more and how to talk about it. on top of that, i didn't want to go against her trust. "but it's okay to go against mine?" was his reply. he's always been a little self conscious of our relationship- he's disabled so could never play with her growing up. i obviously made up for that once i was around (single father from the time she was born) and it took him a long time to get past it. i don't have any proof that this has anything to do with last night but it might? we went to sleep without resolving the tension. this morning, when ireena came down for breakfast, he greeted her with "good morning, ireena" even though i had practically begged him last night not to let her know he knew. she immediately started crying and went back to her room without eating. obviously mark isn't transphobic, but i'm not sure what the actual problem is and now neither of them will speak to me and i have no idea what to do.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> (i made this account just to post this) mark (38m) and i (28ftm) have been together for 6years total, engaged for 2. ireena(mtf) is currently 12, but i met her when she was 6. she is mark's biological child, i'm her step-father. ireena and i have always been extremely close, she started calling me dad only a couple months into mark and i dating. it really wasn't a surprise to me when she came out to me a transgirl. (mark was not home at the time.) the two of us sat down and looked through baby girl names until we picked one she liked. she asked me not to tell mark yet, so i never did. she wanted to come out to him when she was ready. it has been a little over a month since that happen and i still haven't. last night, mark must have heard me call her ireena when i was telling her to go to bed and he asked about it when i came to our room. i tried to talk around it but did eventually tell him that ireena had come out. he blew up. i had expected he might be a little upset but this was way more than i could have anticipated. i tried to explain that, since i myself am trans and he isn't, it makes sense that she would come to me about first. i understand how she's feeling more and how to talk about it. on top of that, i didn't want to go against her trust. "but it's okay to go against mine?" was his reply. he's always been a little self conscious of our relationship- he's disabled so could never play with her growing up. i obviously made up for that once i was around (single father from the time she was born) and it took him a long time to get past it. i don't have any proof that this has anything to do with last night but it might? we went to sleep without resolving the tension. this morning, when ireena came down for breakfast, he greeted her with "good morning, ireena" even though i had practically begged him last night not to let her know he knew. she immediately started crying and went back to her room without eating. obviously mark isn't transphobic, but i'm not sure what the actual problem is and now neither of them will speak to me and i have no idea what to do. [/INST] esh except ireena. you outed her to her father without her permission, i understand it wasn’t your intention but you still did it. mark shouldn’t have called her ireena without telling her he knows though. now that everything is out in the open, i hope you all can get through this. i think it will help for her to have a trans father. if she forgives you, please be there for her. </s>
AITA for punishing my sons and not the woman?	i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?	29,351	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8ypa1/aita_for_punishing_my_sons_and_not_the_woman/	2020-06-14 18:14:18	nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor!	nta. “boys will be boys,” i’m sorry, what century is your husband living in? like you said, that woman was on her own property. not only are you nta for doing some good parenting, you’re also nta because you didn’t sexualize this woman. your husband, on the other hand, could afford to learn a bit.	nta i would have reacted the same way. i would also have a long talk to my son about privacy and gender equality. and engorgement hurts. especially at the tail end of breastfeeding.	nta. "boys will be boys" is a garbage excuse for behavior. i'm sure they know they aren't supposed to spy on people, especially in private moments. and if they don't know, now they do.	nta you did the right thing. people need to stop using the "boys will be boys" excuse when they do bad things.	nta!!!!! sorry to say your peeping tom sons deserve to lose all of their privileges and otherwise feel the weight of their very poor not to mention completely illegal decision making and actions. also sorry to say your husband is an ah for saying ‘boys will be boys’ and excusing their miserable behavior. i’m glad you know that this woman (as well as all people, including yourself) has the right to privacy while in their own home, along with the right to wear or not wear whatever they feel like wearing, and that no one should illegally stare into their windows. thank goodness your cretins have you to show them what’s right and what’s wrong!	i am hoping that people want actual diversity of opinion here and not just a big circlejerk, but i am expecting massive downvotes for having a slightly different view: esh except your sunbathing neighbor and your children. your husband sucks for downplaying your sons’ actions and propagating the “boys will be boys” cop out. you suck for going nuclear instead of actually talking to your children and explaining boundaries and privacy. i think everyone here is forgetting that these are 10 and 12 year old boys who are naturally curious about women’s bodies. there is nothing wrong with this curiosity and interest, only in their voyeurism without consent. you are likely inadvertently teaching them that sexual attraction is wrong, and that can have unforeseen consequences.	nta the boys were 100% wrong. though i would let the young women know that she can be seen	info: have you had "the talk" with them yet? i think curiosity is normal. not in a "boys will be boys" normalizing perverted misogynistic behavior, but look at their ages and they just stumbled upon a "free show" at the age when boys and girls start getting curious about sex. teach them about sex. it sounds like your first reaction is to punish them for looking at some boobies, like just seeing them is a bad thing.	santa says nta. your boys were in the wrong here. thank you for teaching them boundaries. your husband is also in the wrong.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	INFO	NTA	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor? [/INST] nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor! </s>
AITA for refusing to share my extra income with my wife when she didn't share hers with me when she earned more?	when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita?	23,220	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0ariq/aita_for_refusing_to_share_my_extra_income_with/	2019-09-06 02:44:06	esh. is this tit-for-tat counting nickels really the way you want to approach your marriage? get some couples therapy and talk this out. talk about how you felt when she didn’t share with you and maybe she can share why it was important to her then but she feels differently now. sounds like you both need to grow up.	esh for such a stupid arrangement. >she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget my wife and i have separate accounts plus joint savings too, just because inertia. but we don't play a silly game of i can afford x and you can't, nyah nyah. at the end of the day, it doesn't matter which account it comes out of because it's all our money. marriage is a partnership.	esh seperate accounts are perfectly reasonable. my so and i have seperate accounts, and combine what we need for bills / household expenses. there have been times over the years where he has earned more than me, and times where i have earned more than him. we hold each other up financially when needed. you and your wife are just playing tit for tat. it was a stupid arrangement at the beginning, and a stupid arrangement now. you love each other right? so be kind to one another. stop with the games.	okay, i gotta go with esh. i had a coworker buddy of mine in a similar situation with his girlfriend to yours, when your wife made more. his job paid a lot less than hers and it just got to a point they were both living different lifestyles. so they eventually became more like roommates than partners. eventually they broke up, from his point of view it was because she couldn't empathize with his feeling shitty because he was barely surviving. with you two being married for years, isn't it about time to stop the agreement altogether? is there any chance you're not budging because you might be resentful that she thinks it's okay to change it whenever she isn't the top earner while you had to do it for years? op, i'm not saying either of you are bad, im just saying it's a shitty situation and it's that way because of all parties involved. i hope everything works out	esh honestly, who does this in a relationship? shouldn't it be about building each other up and being happy rather than who has more and getting one over the other person? are you both really happy if this is a divide in your relationship. i'm sorry if this is judgmental but i'm just confused.	i don't want to go so far as to say youre an asshole for sticking to the original agreement. but i definitely think it's odd to make 4 times as much as a partner and still split expenses halfway	info- did she financially support you while you were going through law school?	wow. she was making a little bit more than you, (15,000 isn’t really a lot) and she wanted to keep some of it. and she partially supported you so you got some of it anyways. and now you make four times her income and won’t reconsider?? my boyfriend makes about 30 times what i make, (no joke) (i quit my job and now work part time while studying for grad school/a fulbright) and he shares sooo much. even before when i was at a real job that paid relatively well we paid proportionately. we’ve always contributed the same percentage of our income to bills. that’s truly fair. i really can’t believe you’re being this selfish edit no it’s not a sugar daddy situation. i’m mid twenties he’s 32. and i used to make around 75,000 before taxes before i quit my job and took a part time one to pursue more schooling. (after discussing it with him first)	esh. your wife wasn't great at suggesting this early on, but you don't state what her reasoning was. maybe you are prone to spending too much? regardless, you two are married, and you love each other. and you make 4 times as much. if you spend tons of money on fun things for yourself, it's only going to breed resentment. and you will wind up with no wife. you two need some counseling.	i’m gonna say esh it seems pretty clear that she wanted to keep her money when she made more and is a bit of a hypocrite for wanting to suddenly share now that you have more. that said, you’re talking about a lot more than $15k now and it seems pretty petty to play gotcha. more than an asshole, though, i think you’ve been foolish. you got married when you clearly weren’t on the same page about money and you still haven’t gotten on the same page after several years. plus, dude, you went to law school. you have to know if she divorces you, she’s entitled to a cut of that money you’re earning. marital property is marital property even if only your name is on the account.	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	null	INFO	null	ESH	ESH	0.052321	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita? [/INST] esh. is this tit-for-tat counting nickels really the way you want to approach your marriage? get some couples therapy and talk this out. talk about how you felt when she didn’t share with you and maybe she can share why it was important to her then but she feels differently now. sounds like you both need to grow up. </s>
AITA for keeping an emergency family iphone secretly hidden in the car my daughter drives so I can always track the location of the car?	well the cat’s out of the bag on this one, but it doesn’t matter because now i have justification to reinstate previous, more stringent cell phone rules. my daughter is 16 and as most 16 year olds, she has her own phone with less parental control. but i still have sensible rules like no turning off iphone tracking, always answer my texts or calls immediately or within a reasonable time frame when not in school or practice, no dead battery excuses. but i know teenagers can be sneaky, so i have a backup tracking plan that i keep secret from her. i have an extra older version iphone on my family plan that i use as an emergency phone. i hide this phone somewhere in the car that i let my daughter drive, kept on silent. it’s always charged so i can track it when my daughter is out. this past weekend, my daughter told me she was going to her friend brett’s house to prepare for an academic competition and an oratory event. when i checked on her iphone and the secret iphone, the locations matched up. she was at her friend’s house. after dinner, i checked again. curiously, her iphone’s location was at her friend’s house, but my secret iphone was clearly in downtown near all the bars and nightlife. i called my daughter and she told me everything was fine, including the car. i drove to my car’s find iphone location to see if maybe it was wrong, and eventually found my car parked along the street near the lgbt night life area. i called brett’s father (brett’s parents are divorced and the dad does not live with brett, and brett’s mom had the night shift so i called the dad). before brett’s dad got there, i walked around asking the bouncers at the bars if they had seen my daughter or her friend (i showed them photos). i finally talked to one who remembered turning away my daughter and brett earlier in the night for trying to use fake ids. i was livid. i wandered the area and eventually found my daughter and brett hanging out at a coffee house. i waited for brett’s dad to park before going in. i asked him what his understanding of the situation was, and he told me as far as his ex told him, the kids were supposed to be at home doing prep work for a oratory competition. i told brett’s dad where i was and he and i walked into the cafe together to retrieve our kids. after we returned home, my daughter confessed to trying to sneak into a gay club with brett, who apparently is closeted to his parents and school. she was most upset that i outed brett to his parents this way. but she has not given me any reason to trust her or her friend brett given their behavior this weekend. stricter rules are on the way. she continues to think i am the biggest villain in her entire world but really, if i hadn’t installed an emergency phone in the car, i wouldn’t have known the shenanigans these two were up to under the guise of studying. sure, i violated her and brett’s privacy, but i feel it’s justified.	12,553	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fclhar/aita_for_keeping_an_emergency_family_iphone/	2020-03-02 23:48:13	yta. kids do this shit because of parents like you. quit fucking stalking your child.	[removed]	[deleted]	yta for the hidden tracking device. yes, it sucks your daughter lied, and sucks even more that she tried to use a fake id. at least she got turned away and was just drinking coffee. yes, it could have been worse, but that's what happens with teenagers sometimes. they go out, they push boundaries, and they can be stupid. i was no exception to that. but all this has done is shown your daughter that you never trusted her, and will likely cause her to have severe trust issues with you for a long time to come. i'm 30, and still am overly secretive to my mom because of her always snooping around my room when i was a teenager. she's going to try to dig up what's going on with me, anyway, so what's the point in telling her anything? i can see this being the same with her. you really damaged that trust and that makes you the bigger asshole than your teenage daughter trying to sneak into a bar.	yta, and massively so. this post is so strange that i genuinely wonder whether it’s a troll post. let me ask you: why do you feel the need to track your daughter’s every move without her knowledge? has your daughter given you any reason to distrust her? because i find that weird as hell. granted, i didn’t get an iphone until i was 23, but i can’t understand why you would need to know where your daughter is at every given moment. especially because, by tracking her primary phone movements all the time, you’ve just given her a reason to deliberately leave her phone behind if she goes somewhere...leaving her possibly stranded without a phone. your daughter’s takeaway is that you don’t trust her, you never trusted her, and now, she’s not going to trust you. you didn’t even call her to ask her where she was or give her a chance to explain. you did not have an iphone growing up because they didn’t exist yet; your parents didn’t secretly track your every move. how would you have felt as a teenager if your parents secretly installed a gps somewhere in your body of clothes?	yta. you outed a teen before they were ready and obsessively stalked your daughter. sixteen is old enough to begin earning some independence, and i would guess she snuck around like this because she already knows you aren’t a safe adult she can trust. you owe your daughter an apology and a sincere discussion about both of your expectations - hearing her out and not being a controlling figure. unless you’ve left something out about your daughter being a drug dealer or underage sex worker, she doesn’t deserve to be policed like this.	yta you want to bonsai your daughter to stop her from growing up. pure and simple. and youre a bully. you doing sneaky things behind her back = fine, but heaven forbid she does something sneaky = big trouble. do you want to estrange your daughter? because that's how you estrange your daughter.	yta you outed a gay kid to his family. i don't see why you couldn't have retrieved your daughter without ruining brett's life as well. you were cruel to him for the sake of being cruel, and honestly yta is too gentle a judgment for creatures like you.	yta. you're not teaching your child how to be an adult, or that actions have consequences, you're teaching her to lie better. next time, she's just going to take someone else's car and leave her phone behind. hell, she may get so paranoid that she changes clothing before going places she isn't supposed to be! you need to look at why your daughter doesn't feel comfortable telling you the truth about where she's going or what she's doing. don't be surprised when she cuts ties with you as soon as possible, as a result of your over controlling parenting.	congratulations asshole. you've just completely alienated your daughter from your life by not trusting her to be a teenager. i don't know what sort of sheltered childhood you had, but at least where i'm from, teenagers sneak out. they do things against their parents wishes. they form their own opinions and become adults. you can't just be a helicopter parent and if you think this sort of stalking antisocial behaviour towards her is going to help you or her or anyone else involved in this, you are completely wrong. this is how you get thrown in a care home once you're old enough, and forgotten about. the only 'stricter rules' that need to be put in place are the ones about you and your boundaries between you and your kids. how the fuck is she meant to develop intimate relationships and meaningful connections with people when her creepy parent is watching her every move? have you ever had every moment of your life monitored like you're in some sort of real life truman show? you need to seriously re-evaluate your priorities bud. if i was your daughter, i would hit the road as soon as i was old enough and never look back. and it would be completely your doing. yta, 100% completely and utterly yta.	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: well the cat’s out of the bag on this one, but it doesn’t matter because now i have justification to reinstate previous, more stringent cell phone rules. my daughter is 16 and as most 16 year olds, she has her own phone with less parental control. but i still have sensible rules like no turning off iphone tracking, always answer my texts or calls immediately or within a reasonable time frame when not in school or practice, no dead battery excuses. but i know teenagers can be sneaky, so i have a backup tracking plan that i keep secret from her. i have an extra older version iphone on my family plan that i use as an emergency phone. i hide this phone somewhere in the car that i let my daughter drive, kept on silent. it’s always charged so i can track it when my daughter is out. this past weekend, my daughter told me she was going to her friend brett’s house to prepare for an academic competition and an oratory event. when i checked on her iphone and the secret iphone, the locations matched up. she was at her friend’s house. after dinner, i checked again. curiously, her iphone’s location was at her friend’s house, but my secret iphone was clearly in downtown near all the bars and nightlife. i called my daughter and she told me everything was fine, including the car. i drove to my car’s find iphone location to see if maybe it was wrong, and eventually found my car parked along the street near the lgbt night life area. i called brett’s father (brett’s parents are divorced and the dad does not live with brett, and brett’s mom had the night shift so i called the dad). before brett’s dad got there, i walked around asking the bouncers at the bars if they had seen my daughter or her friend (i showed them photos). i finally talked to one who remembered turning away my daughter and brett earlier in the night for trying to use fake ids. i was livid. i wandered the area and eventually found my daughter and brett hanging out at a coffee house. i waited for brett’s dad to park before going in. i asked him what his understanding of the situation was, and he told me as far as his ex told him, the kids were supposed to be at home doing prep work for a oratory competition. i told brett’s dad where i was and he and i walked into the cafe together to retrieve our kids. after we returned home, my daughter confessed to trying to sneak into a gay club with brett, who apparently is closeted to his parents and school. she was most upset that i outed brett to his parents this way. but she has not given me any reason to trust her or her friend brett given their behavior this weekend. stricter rules are on the way. she continues to think i am the biggest villain in her entire world but really, if i hadn’t installed an emergency phone in the car, i wouldn’t have known the shenanigans these two were up to under the guise of studying. sure, i violated her and brett’s privacy, but i feel it’s justified.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> well the cat’s out of the bag on this one, but it doesn’t matter because now i have justification to reinstate previous, more stringent cell phone rules. my daughter is 16 and as most 16 year olds, she has her own phone with less parental control. but i still have sensible rules like no turning off iphone tracking, always answer my texts or calls immediately or within a reasonable time frame when not in school or practice, no dead battery excuses. but i know teenagers can be sneaky, so i have a backup tracking plan that i keep secret from her. i have an extra older version iphone on my family plan that i use as an emergency phone. i hide this phone somewhere in the car that i let my daughter drive, kept on silent. it’s always charged so i can track it when my daughter is out. this past weekend, my daughter told me she was going to her friend brett’s house to prepare for an academic competition and an oratory event. when i checked on her iphone and the secret iphone, the locations matched up. she was at her friend’s house. after dinner, i checked again. curiously, her iphone’s location was at her friend’s house, but my secret iphone was clearly in downtown near all the bars and nightlife. i called my daughter and she told me everything was fine, including the car. i drove to my car’s find iphone location to see if maybe it was wrong, and eventually found my car parked along the street near the lgbt night life area. i called brett’s father (brett’s parents are divorced and the dad does not live with brett, and brett’s mom had the night shift so i called the dad). before brett’s dad got there, i walked around asking the bouncers at the bars if they had seen my daughter or her friend (i showed them photos). i finally talked to one who remembered turning away my daughter and brett earlier in the night for trying to use fake ids. i was livid. i wandered the area and eventually found my daughter and brett hanging out at a coffee house. i waited for brett’s dad to park before going in. i asked him what his understanding of the situation was, and he told me as far as his ex told him, the kids were supposed to be at home doing prep work for a oratory competition. i told brett’s dad where i was and he and i walked into the cafe together to retrieve our kids. after we returned home, my daughter confessed to trying to sneak into a gay club with brett, who apparently is closeted to his parents and school. she was most upset that i outed brett to his parents this way. but she has not given me any reason to trust her or her friend brett given their behavior this weekend. stricter rules are on the way. she continues to think i am the biggest villain in her entire world but really, if i hadn’t installed an emergency phone in the car, i wouldn’t have known the shenanigans these two were up to under the guise of studying. sure, i violated her and brett’s privacy, but i feel it’s justified. [/INST] yta. kids do this shit because* of parents like you. quit fucking stalking your child. </s>
AITA I am not letting my kids eat what my wife prepared	i and my wife have 3 kids aged 4yo, and 6yo twins. yesterday morning, i had cleaned out the refrigerator and got rid of some veggies that had been lying there for almost a week and were a bit soft(meaning that they were no longer good to eat at least imo). i had put them into a plastic bag and kept them near the sink to be disposed off at night when i usually throw the trash. i told my wife that the veggies in the bag near the sink looked off to me so i'd be throwing them that night. she said ok. i dropped the kids to school and went to work after that. when i came home, my wife had prepared the dinner so i just got cleaned up and we sat down to dinner. my wife got up to get some yogurt for herself and i was serving food on everyone's plates. just as i started to serve myself, i felt the food was smelling really bad to the point of making me nauseous. i asked my wife what ingredients did she put in the food, she said just the usual meat and veggies. however, there had been no fresh ingredients at home yesterday morning when i left home so i asked her if she went and brought fresh meat and veggies from the supermarket. she looked a bit taken aback by my questions and hesitated a bit before answering yes. i knew then that she'd used the very food that i'd kept near the sink in the plastic bag. i took the kids' plates away and was about to take her plate as well when she said that i was being overdramatic and that the food didn't smell bad at all to her or the kids. she said that the kids didn't even complain and i'm making such an issue out of nothing. the thing is i'm very sensitive to smell and i was 100% sure that the food wasn't fit to be eaten by the kids. i told her that she can eat rotten food if she likes but our kids will not be eating it. i got the kids and myself a cup noodle each as it would take very long for me to cook for us and it was nearly bedtime for them too. this morning, since i woke up my wife has been ignoring me and refused to cook for the kids until we finished the stew that she prepared last night. i proceeded to cook food for me and the kids. when she saw that i cooked another meal, she went to stay at her mom's place and is refusing to come back. aita? edit 1: i did put the veggies and meat into a trash bag and kept it near the sink as usual so that we can keep adding kitchen waste into it throughout the day. i did not leave the spoiled food on the kitchen counter. we don't keep the kitchen waste trash bag outside because street dogs attack the trash bags and dirty the whole place. we throw trash in the garbage truck at night because the garbage truck is parked near our house every night. edit 2: my wife did not eat the food she prepared. she often goes to her mom's place when we argue. edit 3: i am indian.	4,604	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vpt4zd/aita_i_am_not_letting_my_kids_eat_what_my_wife/	2022-07-02 14:36:03	info, did your wife end up eating it herself or did she not even want it?	nta. 1. if the veggies were blackened, that's not good, 2. she lied to you. if she honestly believed there was nothing wrong with it than why didn't she make that argument. also, you said there was no fresh meat either... did she use expired meat?? honestly, don't mess around with food when it comes to kids. they need as much nutrients as possible. and as for the undermining your wife thing, she should have either been up front and discussed it instead of lying or should have just got fresh ingredients like she claimed to have done.	why do i feel like something is off here?	nta i think we’re having a lot of language barriers and assumptions bogging down the clarity. based on comments: ops family has two trash cans inside the home. both reside near the sink. one is very clearly labeled for food waste. one is for non food. they wait to take the food out until evening when the trash truck is near, because otherwise local dogs tear into food waste and knock over cans during the day. op and wife add to the food waste trash can all throughout the day. in the morning, op removed 2 week old meat, a bottle gourd that had gone black, and shriveled carrots from the fridge. he got a new bag for the food trash can and loaded the veggies and meat into it, and put it in the can in it’s usual place near the sink. wife knows very well which can that is. just to be sure though, he told her what he did, so she would know it wasn’t a mistake and it was bad food. when op came home from work, he smelled bad food. the veggies and meat from the trash can were now made into a stew. wife lied and said she bought new. wife also said she and the kids didn’t smell anything wrong. [	nta, hello commenters, she literally lied to his face! he asked her if she used fresh meat/veg and she lied and said yes. he acted right by his kids and played it safe and she got defensive for being called out on her bs. also, she wasnt even eating her food! if i'm op i'm handing her a big bowl of it and telling her if she's so confident then she can eat it. and then when she's puking her guts out she can learn her lesson	nta, you said you cleaned out the fridge that morning and set the bag on the sink that means the produce set out unrefrigerated all day until your wife made dinner ( which might have caused the veggies to sweat and go off faster), if you were smelling an off smell from the stew itself then it's likely something was off in it you did right to protect your children and yourself from possibly getting sick, if your wife wants the stew ate she can eat it. after all you told her those veggies were going into the trash. it seemed kind of weird to me that the wife was just going to eat yogurt initially (at least that's how i read it, i see now where you clarified she just likes to have yogurt with dinner) but holy shit i just saw your comment where she put two week old meat in it that's borderline trying to poison your family. especially depending on what kind of meat it was just imagine the rate of bacterial growth from being in a fridge for 2 weeks. also info: just curious did the veggies smell off or felt slimy when you pulled them out of the fridge that morning or were they just slightly wrinkly and limp? the reason i ask this is because veg that is slightly wrinkly and limp can typically still be used in that state, it's just not the top quality because moisture has had time to evaporate out of it leading to it getting limp and wrinkly. for someone like me i try to be resourceful and salvage what produce i can because of how expensive fresh produce is. edited to add that the wife had put two week old meat in it.	nta. your wife didn’t even eat the food she made, i don’t understand why she’s being so insistent about everyone else eating it. seems like maybe there is another issue here, and she’s using this as an excuse to run off to her mother’s for a bit?	nta, your wife wants you and your children to eat clearly rotten food. and she straight up lied to you about buying fresh veggies. you were right in throwing away the food.	nta. your wife knew stuff was off. that’s why she was having yogurt instead of what she made.	nta. if they had truly been good she’d not have lied about using them. the fact she lied about it makes you nta even if they had been perfectly okay to use.	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i and my wife have 3 kids aged 4yo, and 6yo twins. yesterday morning, i had cleaned out the refrigerator and got rid of some veggies that had been lying there for almost a week and were a bit soft(meaning that they were no longer good to eat at least imo). i had put them into a plastic bag and kept them near the sink to be disposed off at night when i usually throw the trash. i told my wife that the veggies in the bag near the sink looked off to me so i'd be throwing them that night. she said ok. i dropped the kids to school and went to work after that. when i came home, my wife had prepared the dinner so i just got cleaned up and we sat down to dinner. my wife got up to get some yogurt for herself and i was serving food on everyone's plates. just as i started to serve myself, i felt the food was smelling really bad to the point of making me nauseous. i asked my wife what ingredients did she put in the food, she said just the usual meat and veggies. however, there had been no fresh ingredients at home yesterday morning when i left home so i asked her if she went and brought fresh meat and veggies from the supermarket. she looked a bit taken aback by my questions and hesitated a bit before answering yes. i knew then that she'd used the very food that i'd kept near the sink in the plastic bag. i took the kids' plates away and was about to take her plate as well when she said that i was being overdramatic and that the food didn't smell bad at all to her or the kids. she said that the kids didn't even complain and i'm making such an issue out of nothing. the thing is i'm very sensitive to smell and i was 100% sure that the food wasn't fit to be eaten by the kids. i told her that she can eat rotten food if she likes but our kids will not be eating it. i got the kids and myself a cup noodle each as it would take very long for me to cook for us and it was nearly bedtime for them too. this morning, since i woke up my wife has been ignoring me and refused to cook for the kids until we finished the stew that she prepared last night. i proceeded to cook food for me and the kids. when she saw that i cooked another meal, she went to stay at her mom's place and is refusing to come back. aita? edit 1: i did put the veggies and meat into a trash bag and kept it near the sink as usual so that we can keep adding kitchen waste into it throughout the day. i did not leave the spoiled food on the kitchen counter. we don't keep the kitchen waste trash bag outside because street dogs attack the trash bags and dirty the whole place. we throw trash in the garbage truck at night because the garbage truck is parked near our house every night. edit 2: my wife did not eat the food she prepared. she often goes to her mom's place when we argue. edit 3: i am indian.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i and my wife have 3 kids aged 4yo, and 6yo twins. yesterday morning, i had cleaned out the refrigerator and got rid of some veggies that had been lying there for almost a week and were a bit soft(meaning that they were no longer good to eat at least imo). i had put them into a plastic bag and kept them near the sink to be disposed off at night when i usually throw the trash. i told my wife that the veggies in the bag near the sink looked off to me so i'd be throwing them that night. she said ok. i dropped the kids to school and went to work after that. when i came home, my wife had prepared the dinner so i just got cleaned up and we sat down to dinner. my wife got up to get some yogurt for herself and i was serving food on everyone's plates. just as i started to serve myself, i felt the food was smelling really bad to the point of making me nauseous. i asked my wife what ingredients did she put in the food, she said just the usual meat and veggies. however, there had been no fresh ingredients at home yesterday morning when i left home so i asked her if she went and brought fresh meat and veggies from the supermarket. she looked a bit taken aback by my questions and hesitated a bit before answering yes. i knew then that she'd used the very food that i'd kept near the sink in the plastic bag. i took the kids' plates away and was about to take her plate as well when she said that i was being overdramatic and that the food didn't smell bad at all to her or the kids. she said that the kids didn't even complain and i'm making such an issue out of nothing. the thing is i'm very sensitive to smell and i was 100% sure that the food wasn't fit to be eaten by the kids. i told her that she can eat rotten food if she likes but our kids will not be eating it. i got the kids and myself a cup noodle each as it would take very long for me to cook for us and it was nearly bedtime for them too. this morning, since i woke up my wife has been ignoring me and refused to cook for the kids until we finished the stew that she prepared last night. i proceeded to cook food for me and the kids. when she saw that i cooked another meal, she went to stay at her mom's place and is refusing to come back. aita? edit 1: i did put the veggies and meat into a trash bag and kept it near the sink as usual so that we can keep adding kitchen waste into it throughout the day. i did not leave the spoiled food on the kitchen counter. we don't keep the kitchen waste trash bag outside because street dogs attack the trash bags and dirty the whole place. we throw trash in the garbage truck at night because the garbage truck is parked near our house every night. edit 2: my wife did not eat the food she prepared. she often goes to her mom's place when we argue. edit 3: i am indian. [/INST] info, did your wife end up eating it herself or did she not even want it? </s>
AITA for calling my friend a “dumb cunt” for taking me to a pet store a mere week after my dog died?	i had a very close relationship with my dog. i adopted him 11 years, and he’s recently passed away. a week after my dog died, my friend called me and told me that she was going to take me out and cheer me up. i agreed. turns out, her idea of cheering me up was to take me to a pet store to pick out a new dog. when i realised where she was taking me, i was furious. she tried to explain, saying that getting a new pet would help “fill the void” and that i was no fun to be around in my sad state. i told her to fuck off and called her an insensitive asshole. i then said that she was a “dumb cunt” for thinking that my dog could be so easily replaced. then i stormed off and have been ignoring her texts. a few mutual friends told me that although i was right to be mad, i was overreacting. they said that “dumb cunt” was really offensive and over the line. i don’t agree. aita?	2,775	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clk7wh/aita_for_calling_my_friend_a_dumb_cunt_for_taking/	2019-08-03 15:50:09	esh. if she literally said that she was doing it because you weren’t fun to be around, then that’s an asshole move. otherwise, it was just very poor judgement but yeah, calling her a “dumb cunt” is extremely over the top. many people haven’t had to deal with loss and don’t know how to help.	yta - she meant well even if it was out of ignorance. a simple, “no thanks, i’m not ready” would have sufficed.	esh "dumb cunt" was, in fact, really offensive and over the line. however, your friend really sucks. you weren't overreacting at all. your choice of words was assholeish, but she was definitely the bigger asshole here.	sorry to disagree with everyone here, but nta. losing a pet is a big fucking deal. on par with losing a very close human friend. i lost my cat and my nanna in the same year and the grief for both was equally hella strong. she is such an asshole for thinking this was ok to do. i'm sorry, but i disagree with everyone saying her intentions were good. a) no, because a normal adult human would never make a decision for someone else's grief process one week into said process. b) no, because a normal adult human would know that trying to replace a pet so soon is a horrible idea. c) no, because she literally said she was doing it because op was sad and she couldn't handle it and that is some selfish fucking shit right there. op, calling someone a cunt is not ok if you live in the us, and yeah, there is generally a "no situation is ok to say that" vibe surrounding the word. but you were one week into grieving the loss of your best friend of eleven years and therefore i give you a pass on not having immaculate control over your emotions and subsequent responses to those emotions. if this was a month or two later, maybe yta. but not a week. i would've been so triggered in that moment. ugh. i'm so mad at your asshole friend, and your asshole friends defending her.	nta. "dumb cunt" seems to me a very apt description of her given her action.	[deleted]	so was this in america? i’d imagine you’d be a much bigger asshole for calling her a cunt than if you did the same in scotland or australia. also call me clueless but why is cunt such a big no-no in america?	esh. her for being so oblivious, and for saying something as awful as "you're no fun to be around in your sad state." the level of self involvement that goes into a comment like that is mindboggling, it's amazing how she managed to make your grief about herself. you for calling her a dumb cunt. i think that might have been overkill. saying "i can't believe you thought this would be appropriate, or that you've just said that to me. this was incredibly thoughtless of you, and i need some time to process this" would have been fine. she didn't kill your dog, she's just dense.	nta. you were grieving and she should have known better. “that i was no fun to be around in my sad state.” no shit you were sad your dog of 11 years died a week ago. how self centered of a person do you have to be to not understand that.	nta! my best “friend” gave me a new puppy three, yes three, days after my precious 3-year-old chihuahua was tragically killed. horrible, horrible idea. i was not ready at all to love a new dog. yes, i kept it and have grown to love her dearly, but the start of that relationship was brutal for me and not fair to the puppy. she has grown into a neurotic, clingy, needy dog, but i do love her with all of my heart. her issues are not her fault.	ESH	YTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.545815	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had a very close relationship with my dog. i adopted him 11 years, and he’s recently passed away. a week after my dog died, my friend called me and told me that she was going to take me out and cheer me up. i agreed. turns out, her idea of cheering me up was to take me to a pet store to pick out a new dog. when i realised where she was taking me, i was furious. she tried to explain, saying that getting a new pet would help “fill the void” and that i was no fun to be around in my sad state. i told her to fuck off and called her an insensitive asshole. i then said that she was a “dumb cunt” for thinking that my dog could be so easily replaced. then i stormed off and have been ignoring her texts. a few mutual friends told me that although i was right to be mad, i was overreacting. they said that “dumb cunt” was really offensive and over the line. i don’t agree. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i had a very close relationship with my dog. i adopted him 11 years, and he’s recently passed away. a week after my dog died, my friend called me and told me that she was going to take me out and cheer me up. i agreed. turns out, her idea of cheering me up was to take me to a pet store to pick out a new dog. when i realised where she was taking me, i was furious. she tried to explain, saying that getting a new pet would help “fill the void” and that i was no fun to be around in my sad state. i told her to fuck off and called her an insensitive asshole. i then said that she was a “dumb cunt” for thinking that my dog could be so easily replaced. then i stormed off and have been ignoring her texts. a few mutual friends told me that although i was right to be mad, i was overreacting. they said that “dumb cunt” was really offensive and over the line. i don’t agree. aita? [/INST] esh. if she literally said that she was doing it because you weren’t fun to be around, then that’s an asshole move. otherwise, it was just very poor judgement but yeah, calling her a “dumb cunt” is extremely over the top. many people haven’t had to deal with loss and don’t know how to help. </s>
AITA for refusing to toss my expensive hair and skincare products because of my sister?	my sister a went to a few doctors because of her “headaches.” she announced to the family that she has allergies to all fragrances, including essential oils (??), which make her have migraines. my mom was all crazy about getting rid of all the products that smell in the house. she got this laundry detergent that doesn’t work great and a bunch of new shampoos and stuff. she yelled at me to throw away all of my skin and hair care products and perfumes because they have fragrance. i work and my passion is skin and hair care. i bought all of these things myself with money i earned at my job. i don’t want to throw away all of my stuff because my sister has headaches sometimes. i think they’re being super unreasonable. i mean, this is hundreds of dollars of stuff!! aita?	3,885	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dn0hh9/aita_for_refusing_to_toss_my_expensive_hair_and/	2019-10-25 17:11:42	nah. i don't know why you put "headaches" in quote marks, but i have this problem, and unfortunately it's legitimate. it's not actually an allergy, it's a sensitivity. i can feel a migraine descending within seconds of smelling essential oils, and they can be pretty debilitating. be sympathetic to your sister. but i do think your mom's going over the top a bit. not all of your skin and hair care will be that big a problem, and you can do things like only spray hairspray and perfume in your bedroom, open the bathroom windows after you wash your hair so the scent dissipates, and save perfume for when you're going out.	i mean...yta just based off this post. you refer to chronic migraines as "headaches" and seem to be in disbelief that essential oils can act as triggers. that's a well known thing....did you know they can also cause burns and be deadly to small animals like cats and birds? i get wanting to use products you like but migraines are fucking horrible and if you love your sister you should be able to find alternatives that work well for you and don't cause her problems. maybe ask your parents to kick in for the cost of replacing your expensive products? stash them away for when you move out? or if you're old enough just get your own place and use your scented products in your own, unshared space.	yta. migraines are not headaches. she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a condition that means that something you are doing is causing your sister massive amounts of pain, nausea, sensitivity to light, movement and sound, and a bunch of awful stuff. there's a reason your family is taking this seriously. it's because it is. i think it's fair for you to discuss some sort of compromise on some of your items (those without really strong scents when you're wearing them, if you apply them in ventilated areas, maybe?). but, have more compassion for your sister.	info: are you suggesting your sister and your mother are lying about her diagnosis? essential oils and fragrances are extremely common migraine triggers, so, yeah, yta if you choose your passion for skin and hair care over your sister's right to live in her own home without debilitating pain.	yta - if you were trying to find a balance where you respected your sisters health issues, but tried to find a way to use the products you prefer, i would have voted differently. but, your obvious disbelief in her issues (and yes, essential oils and other smells - even ones that some people think are "good" can cause headaches) is why you are the asshole. there are ways to mitigate this, but you are instead acting like she's just doing it to be difficult to you. you are being a selfish asshole.	yta. i love strawberries. so does my husband. but when our son developed an allergy to strawberries a year ago, i went through the pantry, the fridge, and every cabinet in the house getting rid of anything that did have or might have strawberry in it. it was probably $150 worth of stuff (you'd be surprised where it turns up) but out it went. i'm not putting his health at risk. i'm not saying the situations are equivalent; as awful as migraines are (i'm a migraineur) they won't actually kill you. but you're still putting your own desire to smell like a cheap candle over your sister's desire to not suffer debilitating pain. p.s. if your personal care products are heavily scented they're garbage. high-quality products leave out fragrances because they can be irritating to so many people.	yta- your disbelief of your sister’s condition makes you the asshole. trying to find a compromise that would allow you to keep your items (or at least some of them) makes sense, but at the end of the day, her ability to avoid debilitating headaches and migraines trumps your want to use products.	yeah, yta. migraines are pretty debilitating. you're putting headaches in quotes as if she doesn't have an actual sensitivity which is pretty asshole-ish. you've gone and made her pain and illness all about you and your stuff.	info ages? do you share a bathroom? does she do fine in public with a bunch of people who have washed their hair and clothes with fragrance?	ywbta. box it up and wait til you move out. no need to throw it away, but continuing to use it in a shared space when you know it triggers migraines in your sister makes you ta.	NAH	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.067375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister a went to a few doctors because of her “headaches.” she announced to the family that she has allergies to all fragrances, including essential oils (??), which make her have migraines. my mom was all crazy about getting rid of all the products that smell in the house. she got this laundry detergent that doesn’t work great and a bunch of new shampoos and stuff. she yelled at me to throw away all of my skin and hair care products and perfumes because they have fragrance. i work and my passion is skin and hair care. i bought all of these things myself with money i earned at my job. i don’t want to throw away all of my stuff because my sister has headaches sometimes. i think they’re being super unreasonable. i mean, this is hundreds of dollars of stuff!! aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister a went to a few doctors because of her “headaches.” she announced to the family that she has allergies to all fragrances, including essential oils (??), which make her have migraines. my mom was all crazy about getting rid of all the products that smell in the house. she got this laundry detergent that doesn’t work great and a bunch of new shampoos and stuff. she yelled at me to throw away all of my skin and hair care products and perfumes because they have fragrance. i work and my passion is skin and hair care. i bought all of these things myself with money i earned at my job. i don’t want to throw away all of my stuff because my sister has headaches sometimes. i think they’re being super unreasonable. i mean, this is hundreds of dollars of stuff!! aita? [/INST] nah. i don't know why you put "headaches" in quote marks, but i have this problem, and unfortunately it's legitimate. it's not actually an allergy, it's a sensitivity. i can feel a migraine descending within seconds of smelling essential oils, and they can be pretty debilitating. be sympathetic to your sister. but i do think your mom's going over the top a bit. not all of your skin and hair care will be that big a problem, and you can do things like only spray hairspray and perfume in your bedroom, open the bathroom windows after you wash your hair so the scent dissipates, and save perfume for when you're going out. </s>
AITA for impulse buying 60 cans of soup?	i have no excuse or rational way to explain this. yesterday while grocery shopping i noticed this really good discount on my favorite brand of soup. i do not know what overcame me. but i also had a coupon. so i got the cans for about 50 dollars. i still have a job during the pandemic so this isn’t too big of a deal, i still have plenty of money. i came home. put away my groceries, and put as many as i could in our cupboards (about 20) and left the rest in a plastic bag in my room. but when my roommate came home and made dinner she was fucking pissed at me. she said i was taking up too much space, “why do you even need so much fucking soup”, and demanding me to put some of the cans somewhere else so she has more space. (keep in mind i only took up like, one shelf??) today for lunch she made some comment that she should’ve just had one of my soups. to which i said “over my dead body!” meant as a joke, but ended up backfiring since she just ended up getting mad again. saying i already have so many and i can share one little can. this got us talking, and eventually i let it slip that the soup in the cupboard wasn’t even all of it. she lost it. she won’t stop calling me selfish fatass who’s immature and bad with money. making comments insinuating i won’t have enough for rent (always on time), i’m a bad roommate, and she can’t wait for our lease to be up so she has to never deal with me again. and that “i lost my appetite” and she doesn’t even want my soup anymore. and after all those comments, i don’t want to share with her either. i tried talking about this to our third roommate, however she was completely disinterested. and didn’t want to get involved with petty drama “over fucking soup” which i can’t really fault her for. so... aita?	1,699	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1kd7d/aita_for_impulse_buying_60_cans_of_soup/	2020-09-28 20:37:47	info what kind of soup are we talking about here	esh except your 3rd roommate if you never took up an entire shelf filled with 20 cans of soup before, i can't really blame your roommate for finding it weird and wanting you to keep more of the cans in your room. you should know it's odd to keep 20 cans of soup in a shared space when you'll only be eating one can, if that, a day. for a couple months+ that shelf is just soup shelf? however given the circumstances, a light-hearted ribbing vis-a-vis "over my dead body" after she complained about said soup, hardly seems worthy of such drama. not sure your ages or interest in 90s sitcoms but the "over my dead body" seems like a missed opportunity to reference "no soup for you!"	nta. the way you said “i do not know what overcame me” has me in tears. but to your actual point. i found when my roommates and i had tension over something seemingly insignificant, it was usually because we were frustrated over the bigger picture. like, if i snapped over a dirty dish behind left out, it was usually because i was angry that i was always doing their dishes. or something like that. maybe when you both have had some time, try to sit down and talk about it? i think they over reacted but that’s human and we’ve all done it.	it sounds like you two have been getting each other's nerves for a while now.	info: are you ted cruz?	nta the space is debatable, without looking at your cupboards and knowing how many roommates and doing the strict math and whatnot, who knows? a shelf is just a shelf. but what you do with your money and whatnot and even if you spend all your time in your room making sex robots, who tf cares if you're paying your share and being a good roommate? this girl sounds a little high strung. there's no way you're an asshole for buying soup you like. what kind of soup? i could see doing that for tomato bisque!	as someone with a cupboard full of pasta sauce i got for £0.20 a jar, nta. my girlfriend thinks we might actually get through it all before it expires in 2024.	nta. i also have a soup problem and it drives my boyfriend absolutely nuckin futs. i went to the commissary one day and bought 30 things of soup. why? i had a ton more at home. i don’t know.idk man what if one day they don’t make my soup anymore? you know? we need the soup. your roommate is being absolutely absurd though. granted, you made a joke i can see how she took it the wrong way. but she did go absolutely overboard with her lash back.	esh. you "only" took up one shelf for soup? only?? dude. you need to control your impulse buys. the kitchen is a shared space and an entire shelf just for your soup is insane. your roommate shouldn't have popped off on you like that, but seriously.. why tf do you need that much soup?	okay so i just want to say that this post is amazing and i can’t thank you enough for sharing this story. i can’t stop laughing at the way you phrased things, that the issue is over soup, and the comments. nta - it’s your money and your soup. just move the soup in your room if the space issue is that much of a problem. i wouldn’t let this be the hill to die on so to speak. also, imagine having a potential suitor come over and your room is covered in soup. if they love it, you have your soul mate. if they don’t, tell them to move along. ps - i’m still laughing about the title and first sentence	INFO	ESH	NTA	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	0.198488	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have no excuse or rational way to explain this. yesterday while grocery shopping i noticed this really good discount on my favorite brand of soup. i do not know what overcame me. but i also had a coupon. so i got the cans for about 50 dollars. i still have a job during the pandemic so this isn’t too big of a deal, i still have plenty of money. i came home. put away my groceries, and put as many as i could in our cupboards (about 20) and left the rest in a plastic bag in my room. but when my roommate came home and made dinner she was fucking pissed at me. she said i was taking up too much space, “why do you even need so much fucking soup”, and demanding me to put some of the cans somewhere else so she has more space. (keep in mind i only took up like, one shelf??) today for lunch she made some comment that she should’ve just had one of my soups. to which i said “over my dead body!” meant as a joke, but ended up backfiring since she just ended up getting mad again. saying i already have so many and i can share one little can. this got us talking, and eventually i let it slip that the soup in the cupboard wasn’t even all of it. she lost it. she won’t stop calling me selfish fatass who’s immature and bad with money. making comments insinuating i won’t have enough for rent (always on time), i’m a bad roommate, and she can’t wait for our lease to be up so she has to never deal with me again. and that “i lost my appetite” and she doesn’t even want my soup anymore. and after all those comments, i don’t want to share with her either. i tried talking about this to our third roommate, however she was completely disinterested. and didn’t want to get involved with petty drama “over fucking soup” which i can’t really fault her for. so... aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have no excuse or rational way to explain this. yesterday while grocery shopping i noticed this really good discount on my favorite brand of soup. i do not know what overcame me. but i also had a coupon. so i got the cans for about 50 dollars. i still have a job during the pandemic so this isn’t too big of a deal, i still have plenty of money. i came home. put away my groceries, and put as many as i could in our cupboards (about 20) and left the rest in a plastic bag in my room. but when my roommate came home and made dinner she was fucking pissed at me. she said i was taking up too much space, “why do you even need so much fucking soup”, and demanding me to put some of the cans somewhere else so she has more space. (keep in mind i only took up like, one shelf??) today for lunch she made some comment that she should’ve just had one of my soups. to which i said “over my dead body!” meant as a joke, but ended up backfiring since she just ended up getting mad again. saying i already have so many and i can share one little can. this got us talking, and eventually i let it slip that the soup in the cupboard wasn’t even all of it. she lost it. she won’t stop calling me selfish fatass who’s immature and bad with money. making comments insinuating i won’t have enough for rent (always on time), i’m a bad roommate, and she can’t wait for our lease to be up so she has to never deal with me again. and that “i lost my appetite” and she doesn’t even want my soup anymore. and after all those comments, i don’t want to share with her either. i tried talking about this to our third roommate, however she was completely disinterested. and didn’t want to get involved with petty drama “over fucking soup” which i can’t really fault her for. so... aita? [/INST] info what kind of soup are we talking about here </s>
AITA for changing my will?	i(71m) am a modestly a really wealthy man. i am now suffering from kidney failure. i have extensively looked for a donor but have not found one. in my will, i dictated that my children will receive my assets. but certain events have happened that caused me to reconsider my will. when i was younger, i worked hard to make it to where i am now. this caused me to have a larger than life ego. i married and had one boy and then another girl. as the children grew up, i held them to unreachable standards. i restricted their access to any social activity and anything else that i considered a distraction. my wife saw this and was horrified. she told me to change my ways. i refused and this lead to a bitter divorce. my children were 17 and 15 at that time. i blamed my children for this and refused to see them anymore. i turned into a very heartbroken man. this caused me to dive into work to avoid all this pain. in turn, i became very successful. as time went on, i realized how horrible and abusive i had been. i decided to reach out to my children and try to mend our relationships. they saw how i had changed and decided to forgive me for what i had done. i thought we had good relations now. as my time was coming to an end, my children decided to meet for a few last times. during one of these meetings, i had to excuse myself to the bathroom. as i was walking back, i heard them talking about me. i decided to listen to what they were saying. i was shocked to hear that my daughter saying that she was capable of donating her kidney to me. she had chosen not to donate to me as she wanted me to die and get all my assets sooner. my son only agreed with her. i immediately burst into the room and told them to get out. it seemed to me they had only started a relationship with me so they could receive my money. i decided to change my will so charities would be able to receive it instead. i thought they didn’t deserve it anymore. after they had left, i was getting tons of texts from them about how their actions were justified because of how much of an abusive father i had been. i felt bad but still did not consider this enough to change my mind. aita for changing my will?	1,637	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g01qx1/aita_for_changing_my_will/	2020-04-12 18:16:42	esh you weren’t nice to them growing up and it was totally unfair of you to blame them for the divorce. that’s something they will carry with them for the rest of their lives so yes, you are an asshole. your daughter isn’t the asshole for keeping her kidney but it it a shitty thing for both of them to gallivant back into your life hoping you’ll die and leave them with the assets. you can leave your assets however you like but you’re all assholes here.	yta. can you really expect them to just trust you like that? their memories of you are of a horrible dad, and a bad husband. your wife told you change, but you didn't listen, causing a divorce and 2 broken kids. your children don't like you, hard truth. i'm sorry to say that, but it's true. they won't like you, now or after you are dead. it's your will, you can do what you want with it, but it requires more than a 'im sorry' to change a human heart.	i’m going to be blunt here. if i get downvoted, so be it, but you’re an adult who’s done terrible things to your own children so theoretically you’ll be capable of hearing harsh words. yta. you’re absolutely, unequivocally, a gigantic asshole. you abused your children. you were such a terrible father that your wife took them and ran, and you did so much damage, so many terrible, hurtful things to them that they haven’t forgiven you, even fifty years later. i guarantee you, what you did to them affected their entire lives. you don’t endure that kind of abuse, isolation, and pressure without developing some serious mental illnesses and suffering from debilitating side effects for the rest of your life. i went through something similar and had a complete mental breakdown after i moved out. i almost died, and it took four years of intense therapy to become functional again, but i’m probably going to have to deal with the lingering ptsd for the rest of my life. that’s what your children are dealing with. having your parent, a person who’s supposed to love you and support you implicitly, do such awful things to you, treat you with icy demeanor every moment, and continuously put you down and make you feel like you aren’t good enough fucks you up. you can’t erase that by getting old, regretting what you did, and making half-assed attempts to rectify half a century’s worth of pain. your daughter doesn’t have to donate to you either, and honestly the doctors probably wouldn’t have let her anyway because of your ages. she’s got half her life left, you don’t. even if that weren’t the case, nobody is entitled to someone else’s organs, not even your own flesh and blood. they literally made a whole movie about this. just because you contributed genetic material to someone’s conception doesn’t mean you’re entitled to their organs to your benefit and their detriment, especially when you treated them like trash. you can’t take back what you did to them. you can never fix it. what you can do, however, is try to use what time you have left to prove to them that you’re remorseful and that you’ve changed. you haven’t proved a single damn thing to them yet, so of course they’re still going to hate you. you may die with them hating you, and if you continue as you are you will. what’s more important to you? dying angry and spiteful, and changing your will specifically to hurt them, or trying to leave your children with at least one good memory of you? will hurting them even more make you feel better? if you want any hope of fixing even a tiny, minuscule bit of this, don’t change your will, leave them that money as reparations for your actions, and spend your remaining time trying to be a good man.	esh. you're an asshole who raised a couple of assholes. honestly this is just sad. (the kids are not ta for refusing to donate, but for the callous logic behind that choice. would be different if it were about her health rather than the money.)	coming from the other side...what if they think you just reached out to them so that one of them would donate a kidney? they have had a life time of abuse and disappointment. a person’s father is supposed to love them unconditionally but it sounds like you put a lot of conditions on that love over the years. your relationship with them should be because you truly want one, not because you could get a kidney out of it. are they being greedy? maybe. but they went through their whole lives to this point seeing you as an abuser and probably wanting you to hurt as bad as you’ve made them hurt. yta.	they are cold to you because of how you treated them. they have not forgiven you and your daughter isn’t an ah for not donating . who would donate to a man that have treated them horrible their whole lives ?	this sounds like a crappy telenovela.	yta, you admit you were abusive and that you tortured your children and now you're surprised that they want you dead?	yta. your kids’ attitudes are not great and even heartless. you said yourself that you were abusive in their upbringing and to expect that this didn’t affect your children deeply, shaping them into who they are now, is naive. it is one thing to try to make amends, it is another to expect them to donate an organ. this is a monumental ask amongst family members who get along. as a parent, who also has a bad connection with abusive parents, it sounds to me like you are getting the final word and punishing them for not doing what you want. just like in their childhoods. same old dad it sounds like. i wouldn’t give you my kidney either.	god, this comments section. adress the point at hand, will you? nta. yes, we can all read, and we all saw the part about the abuse, but that's not exactly relevant here. op already acknowledged what he'd done was wrong and made moves to fix that, so barring him just repeating his actions he is no longer an asshole in regards to that. all that doesn't matter though, because it's not the question being asked. no, you are not an asshole for taking them off your will. your assets are yours to decide where they go after your death. on top of that, it's perfectly reasonable to not want to give inheritance to someone who would intentionally let you die quicker to get it. yes, they were victims of abuse and likely bitter from it, but it seems they didn't actually give you the chance you deserved to try to set things right. i'll reiterate, your will is yours to do with as you please. i personally wouldn't be giving a fortune to my descendants even if i had good relationships with them. so no. nta.	ESH	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.091339	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(71m) am a modestly a really wealthy man. i am now suffering from kidney failure. i have extensively looked for a donor but have not found one. in my will, i dictated that my children will receive my assets. but certain events have happened that caused me to reconsider my will. when i was younger, i worked hard to make it to where i am now. this caused me to have a larger than life ego. i married and had one boy and then another girl. as the children grew up, i held them to unreachable standards. i restricted their access to any social activity and anything else that i considered a distraction. my wife saw this and was horrified. she told me to change my ways. i refused and this lead to a bitter divorce. my children were 17 and 15 at that time. i blamed my children for this and refused to see them anymore. i turned into a very heartbroken man. this caused me to dive into work to avoid all this pain. in turn, i became very successful. as time went on, i realized how horrible and abusive i had been. i decided to reach out to my children and try to mend our relationships. they saw how i had changed and decided to forgive me for what i had done. i thought we had good relations now. as my time was coming to an end, my children decided to meet for a few last times. during one of these meetings, i had to excuse myself to the bathroom. as i was walking back, i heard them talking about me. i decided to listen to what they were saying. i was shocked to hear that my daughter saying that she was capable of donating her kidney to me. she had chosen not to donate to me as she wanted me to die and get all my assets sooner. my son only agreed with her. i immediately burst into the room and told them to get out. it seemed to me they had only started a relationship with me so they could receive my money. i decided to change my will so charities would be able to receive it instead. i thought they didn’t deserve it anymore. after they had left, i was getting tons of texts from them about how their actions were justified because of how much of an abusive father i had been. i felt bad but still did not consider this enough to change my mind. aita for changing my will?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(71m) am a modestly a really wealthy man. i am now suffering from kidney failure. i have extensively looked for a donor but have not found one. in my will, i dictated that my children will receive my assets. but certain events have happened that caused me to reconsider my will. when i was younger, i worked hard to make it to where i am now. this caused me to have a larger than life ego. i married and had one boy and then another girl. as the children grew up, i held them to unreachable standards. i restricted their access to any social activity and anything else that i considered a distraction. my wife saw this and was horrified. she told me to change my ways. i refused and this lead to a bitter divorce. my children were 17 and 15 at that time. i blamed my children for this and refused to see them anymore. i turned into a very heartbroken man. this caused me to dive into work to avoid all this pain. in turn, i became very successful. as time went on, i realized how horrible and abusive i had been. i decided to reach out to my children and try to mend our relationships. they saw how i had changed and decided to forgive me for what i had done. i thought we had good relations now. as my time was coming to an end, my children decided to meet for a few last times. during one of these meetings, i had to excuse myself to the bathroom. as i was walking back, i heard them talking about me. i decided to listen to what they were saying. i was shocked to hear that my daughter saying that she was capable of donating her kidney to me. she had chosen not to donate to me as she wanted me to die and get all my assets sooner. my son only agreed with her. i immediately burst into the room and told them to get out. it seemed to me they had only started a relationship with me so they could receive my money. i decided to change my will so charities would be able to receive it instead. i thought they didn’t deserve it anymore. after they had left, i was getting tons of texts from them about how their actions were justified because of how much of an abusive father i had been. i felt bad but still did not consider this enough to change my mind. aita for changing my will? [/INST] esh you weren’t nice to them growing up and it was totally unfair of you to blame them for the divorce. that’s something they will carry with them for the rest of their lives so yes, you are an asshole. your daughter isn’t the asshole for keeping her kidney but it it a shitty thing for both of them to gallivant back into your life hoping you’ll die and leave them with the assets. you can leave your assets however you like but you’re all assholes here. </s>
AITA for allowing two teenagers to be spit on by a llama?	i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.	31,805	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyt2nl/aita_for_allowing_two_teenagers_to_be_spit_on_by/	2019-09-02 18:40:40	nta dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson	esh. they were warned. they deserved to be spat on and i wouldn’t fault you for allowing it to happen. it was incredibly cruel to keep them out of the washrooms. what could have been a lesson for them will just turn into an anecdote about the crazy petting zoo guy who wouldn’t let them clean themselves. they now have someone else to focus on/blame for the odor.	esh, you're not the asshole for letting the llama spit on the teenagers, but you're kind of an asshole for not stepping in on the llamas behalf as they were antagonizing it. that llama has very little autonomy and depends on the workers at the peering zoo to keep it safe. llamas rarely spit on humans, a llama who is socialized properly won't ever do that unless there is a baby or it is feeling very very threatened. that poor llama had to do this as a last resort because of how uncomfortable it was. you owe more to these animals you are taking care of. source: i trained llamas as a hobby for ~7 years	esh. they got what they deserved for annoying an animal. locking the bathroom was a dick move though.	esh - definately not asshole to let the llama spit on them as you tried to warn them but refusing them the bathroom was unnecessary and tips it for me.	esh. i work in a zoo. every day i see people antagonize animals, so this is a situation i’m personally familiar with. yeah, the teens are assholes for pestering the llama, but you’re also the asshole for allowing it to continue so long that the llama felt the need to spit defensively. you should have asked them to leave or gotten a supervisor/security to do so. it was also an asshole move to lock the bathroom. i understand your moral point of view, but getting them kicked out of the petting zoo would have been a better, non-asshole punishment and would have saved the poor llama from more undue stress.	esh. you warned these two assholes that llamas spit in self-defense. heck, the llama even gave a warning spit before unleashing the nasty. you're not an a-hole for that. you are an a-hole for not letting them use the bathroom to clean up. surely plenty of people have washed the smell of wild animals off their skin after petting them.	nta. they didn't listen to you. it's fully their fault and you warned them - if you told someone not to stand near the edge of a cliff but they did anyway and fell it wouldn't be your fault so this isn't either.	yta for a couple of reasons. firstly, you work at the petting zoo, presumably your job is to ensure the safety and well being of both the animals and the visitors. by letting the kids antagonize a llama you were derelict in your duty to the animal, and by letting them get spit on, you were derelict in your duty to the visitors. secondly you were a double asshole for not letting them wash up knowing how long the stuff would sink in. especially after my first point, that was obnoxiously petty to do so. &#x200b; if you were my employee i would be considering giving you a written warning for this sort of thing.	esh. i am sure the child failed to tell her parents that she was tormenting the poor animal. you should have thrown them out when the llama made his warning spit indicating that he was in distress.	NTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	NTA	YTA	ESH	0.361272	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well. [/INST] nta dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson </s>
AITA I got mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview	i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita?	24,433	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qfazb4/aita_i_got_mad_at_my_wife_because_she_caused_me/	2021-10-25 06:55:01	nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money?	do yourself a favour...don't have anymore kids with this woman. the less child support you have to pay when you split the better off you'll be.	nta. you said this is the 5th time she has done this? well her dream of being a sahm is now gone. let her know she will be returning to work since she prevented you from getting a job that would have let her do so!	nta but you have got to find out why your wife is doing this to you. 5th fucking interview she's sabotaged? for a jar?! don't you have a fucking dish towel laying around to help her open it on her own? i have so many questions about why she would do that to you and 5 times.	nta - interviews don't last half a day. it is perfectly reasonable to ask someone to be quiet for a short time.	nta. she sounds absolutely horrible, imagine asking your spouse to do all the moneymaking, and then doing everything in your power to sabotage their chances. what was she thinking?	nta - deliberate or not, this is undermining your chances of success. find somewhere else to hold interviews and tests - a friend or family member's place, or even a co-working space with a private room you can hire. you would be unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home, but it doesn't sound like she was just making normal 'i'm living here' kind of noise.	she ruined 5 interviews? once is chance, twice is coincidence, third time's a pattern nta	nta, but you need to have a conversation about why she's deliberately sabotaging you getting a better job when it's to support her goal. i am afraid that i suspect it's an attempt at control. maybe she wants to be a sahm to stop you from ever leaving, but also doesn't want you to be a higher earner, more successful, more independent etc. i once knew someone very like this which is why this is setting off that particular alarm bell. i hope i'm wrong and she's just not very smart.	i had an interview two weeks ago for a job i really wanted. my partner came home from work, wished me luck, then stayed out of my way and made me dinner so that it would be ready when my interview was over. he also bought me my favourite cake. nta, op. your wife is a terrible partner, and she's almost certainly sabotaging you on purpose.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita? [/INST] nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money? </s>
AITA for bringing a dish to a dinner party?	my boyfriend and i got an invitation in the mail to his aunt’s holiday dinner party. i had never met her before, but he said she was pretty wealthy and old-fashioned, and i wanted to make a good impression. i said we should bring a side dish to be polite, and my boyfriend insisted that wasn’t necessary, but i thought it was standard to bring something for the host, so i made a large bowl of macaroni salad to share with everyone. we arrived at his aunt’s house and she seemed a little weirded out when i gave her the macaroni salad but thanked us and went to put it in the fridge. we were the first people to arrive, and i started to get a little nervous when i saw that nobody else had brought anything. and then we went to the dining room … and there was a set menu on all of the plates, and it was all fancy food like scallops in white wine sauce. his aunt never took the macaroni salad out of the fridge during the dinner, and i was too embarrassed to ask about it. i don’t know what she did with it, maybe she threw it out after we left. i’m pretty sure i made a massive faux pas, and i can’t stop thinking about it. aita?	1,985	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ea7fxt/aita_for_bringing_a_dish_to_a_dinner_party/	2019-12-13 18:03:38	nah. i wouldn’t say a massive faux pas, but if it wasn’t a pot-luck, the hostess likely had a menu in mind. macaroni salad is pretty casual. though well-intended, it ended up putting her in an awkward spot since she may not have had room/desire to accompany her meal with that. usually a bottle of wine can be incorporated, or some flowers. i think you tried to be sweet and extend your version of hospitality. that’s not ah. a mailed invitation. a holiday dinner party. wealthy, old-fashioned aunt. boyfriend said “don’t”. nothing about this says pasta salad.	nah, but you're in the seat closest to where the asshole would sit. your bf knows better than you do what his own family expects at their events, and he told you as much directly. you ignored him, you charged ahead and you put your foot in it. the aunt correctly interpreted your good intentions and responded graciously. she might mention to him later that it seemed odd, but if he's any bf at all, he'll paint it as you being insistent on acting like a good guest. that's an admirable trait to have.	yta, but i mean that in the "you made a mistake" sense, not that you're actually an ass. the correct thing to do is ask the host if you can bring a side dish, so they can tell you if it's not necessary, or can coordinate with you. it would have also been awkward if you'd trumped their own macaroni/pasta dish.	yta but only because you insisted despite your boyfriend, who knew the situation better, said no. now you’ve made yourself look silly and, by extension, him as well lol. on top of that, macaroni salad? really? lol at least bring a dessert. a dessert can always be shared with coffee/tea well after the meal and everyone is chatting. like a late-night treat. next time you’re invited somewhere for the first time (that isn’t a backyard bbq or potluck gathering) a simple bottle of wine or flowers for the home is good.	yta bringing a dish to a dinner party without the host asking is inappropriate. i attended a thanksgiving dinner hosted by a friend and he didn’t specify to bring anything, so i went with the safe default which was a nice bottle of wine (or a box of chocolate from a good brand if i know the host doesn’t drink)	yta for not listening to your boyfriend. he tried to tell you the expectations, but you ignored him. a dinner party is not a potluck. if you want to bring something, bring a hostess gift of wine, a flower arrangement, or gourmet chocolates. from the host's perspective, it's very annoying when guests bring food after you've asked them not to. i've hosted numerous dinner parties, and it seems like some guests always want to bring a dish, and then i'm stuck figuring out what to do with it, or i have to try to cram it in an already full fridge because macaroni salad doesn't go with scallops. don't worry too much about what happened, just use this as a learning experience, and don't do it again.	nah usually one doesn't bring a food dish to a dinner party unless the host/hostess asks you to do so. the totally appropriate and wonderful thing you were trying to do was bring what's called a "hostess gift." this is usually a bottle of wine, flowers, a little something for the house, just a small token that they could use when entertaining as a thank you for the invite. you didn't make a massive faux pas, just a little one, so quit beating yourself up over it. you're good. :-)	you're like michael bringing his salad to david wallace's party, just kinda weird. nah.	yta for bringing something without checking with the hostess first. even for a casual dinner people may have a particular menu planned and rolling up with macaroni salad might not fit in at all. you got a written invitation to a holiday dinner from a wealthy old fashioned elder who you had not met not an e-vite to a backyard potluck with close friends. you did not listen to your boyfriend who knows his aunt. you aren't a massive asshole because you did not pester the aunt about your dish.	this happened on six feet under, almost exactly as described. yta. don't bring food or make food unless asked/potluck specified. you can always ask, and leave it up to the host to respond. but just bringing something can be seen as an attention grab, especially if the host has planned out the entire meal. if you feel you can't go without bringing something, flowers are nice.	NAH	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	NAH	YTA	YTA	0.264545	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i got an invitation in the mail to his aunt’s holiday dinner party. i had never met her before, but he said she was pretty wealthy and old-fashioned, and i wanted to make a good impression. i said we should bring a side dish to be polite, and my boyfriend insisted that wasn’t necessary, but i thought it was standard to bring something for the host, so i made a large bowl of macaroni salad to share with everyone. we arrived at his aunt’s house and she seemed a little weirded out when i gave her the macaroni salad but thanked us and went to put it in the fridge. we were the first people to arrive, and i started to get a little nervous when i saw that nobody else had brought anything. and then we went to the dining room … and there was a set menu on all of the plates, and it was all fancy food like scallops in white wine sauce. his aunt never took the macaroni salad out of the fridge during the dinner, and i was too embarrassed to ask about it. i don’t know what she did with it, maybe she threw it out after we left. i’m pretty sure i made a massive faux pas, and i can’t stop thinking about it. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend and i got an invitation in the mail to his aunt’s holiday dinner party. i had never met her before, but he said she was pretty wealthy and old-fashioned, and i wanted to make a good impression. i said we should bring a side dish to be polite, and my boyfriend insisted that wasn’t necessary, but i thought it was standard to bring something for the host, so i made a large bowl of macaroni salad to share with everyone. we arrived at his aunt’s house and she seemed a little weirded out when i gave her the macaroni salad but thanked us and went to put it in the fridge. we were the first people to arrive, and i started to get a little nervous when i saw that nobody else had brought anything. and then we went to the dining room … and there was a set menu on all of the plates, and it was all fancy food like scallops in white wine sauce. his aunt never took the macaroni salad out of the fridge during the dinner, and i was too embarrassed to ask about it. i don’t know what she did with it, maybe she threw it out after we left. i’m pretty sure i made a massive faux pas, and i can’t stop thinking about it. aita? [/INST] nah. i wouldn’t say a massive faux pas, but if it wasn’t a pot-luck, the hostess likely had a menu in mind. macaroni salad is pretty casual. though well-intended, it ended up putting her in an awkward spot since she may not have had room/desire to accompany her meal with that. usually a bottle of wine can be incorporated, or some flowers. i think you tried to be sweet and extend your version of hospitality. that’s not ah. a mailed invitation. a holiday dinner party. wealthy, old-fashioned aunt. boyfriend said “don’t”. nothing about this says pasta salad. </s>
AITA for kicking a family out of my theater and not giving them a refund?	so i’m a manager at a small business movie theater. we’re a small chain but nowhere near as big as amc or anything. today a woman bought 5 tickets to see it chapter 2. she bought them by herself and said her party would arrive later. when they did arrive, it was her husband, their teenage looking son and 2 smaller children, probably 7 and 5, just by appearance. i wasn’t there when they came, so my employee was the one who let them in. when i found out this woman brought her young children to see it, i was concerned and asked her if she would be interested in exchanging the tickets for a different movie because i couldn’t allow her to take her small kids into this movie. even if it wasn’t fucking terrifying, it’s rated r. she became belligerent, calling me a cunt and telling me i can’t tell her how to parent and to mind my own business, and tried to throw her drink (that she brought in herself, mind you) at me. so i told her to leave or i would call the cops and when she demanded a refund i told her i wouldn’t refund her after she became violent. aita for butting into her parenting and then not giving her a refund?	2,983	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4ba7v/aita_for_kicking_a_family_out_of_my_theater_and/	2019-09-14 21:25:50	info is it illegal in your area for a child to watch an r rated film? i know in the uk it's illegal to watch an 18 (our equivalent to an r rating).	i am betting their is an implied contract or even explicit terms on the ticket that the theater reserves the right to eject anyone they please and when she threw the drink she snuck in you were def in the right. nta ps: regal cinemas explicitly says people age 6 and under are not admitted to rated r movies no matter what. businesses can set their own rules and the “law” overruling parents or whatever literally doesn’t matter.	nta at all. your employeeys should know better too. you could lose your license, you business could shut down. that family (beside the kids ofc) knew what they were doing, and decided to be shitty ass parents taking their young kids to an extremely scary movie. where i am, its not legal to watch a movie unless you are the age or above. dont know where you are, but youve said its illegal. dont understand how people can call you ta when youre doing your job. you offered her a ticket swap, she decided to assault you.	nta nothing is more annoying than people bring small children/infants into r rated movies. you were thinking not only of the kids but your other movie goers.	nta, the law is there for a reason. if she wants to let them watch it at home, that is on her. if you let her in there and the children were "traumatized" that would be on you (to a degree, mom should do her research). you were just doing your job.	doesnt r mean with accompanyment of an adult they're allowed? esh i believe.	nta. i don’t know what chain you work for, but the chain i used to work at didn’t allow children that small into r-rated films. why? they are always disruptive. especially in a film that will scare them. not to mention it’s 3+ hours with previews. you really expect a 7 year old to sit still for three hours, through a film that is meant to scare adults, without making a peep? bullfuckingshit. films today are ridiculously expensive, and it chapter 2 is one of the most highly anticipated films of the year. i waited not-so patiently for two years for chapter two, and was there opening night. i would’ve been fucking livid to have my moviegoing experience ruined because some entitled parent thought they had the right to bring their toddler to see the demon clown movie. hell, there’s a violent hate crime and a suicide within the first twenty minutes of the film. not a place for children. nta op, not at all.	nta. very young kids shouldn't be seeing that anyways. but she completely was in the wrong once she got violent and cursed at you.	nta she was being a problem customer. good on you for not giving in.	nta. you were just enforcing policy.	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’m a manager at a small business movie theater. we’re a small chain but nowhere near as big as amc or anything. today a woman bought 5 tickets to see it chapter 2. she bought them by herself and said her party would arrive later. when they did arrive, it was her husband, their teenage looking son and 2 smaller children, probably 7 and 5, just by appearance. i wasn’t there when they came, so my employee was the one who let them in. when i found out this woman brought her young children to see it, i was concerned and asked her if she would be interested in exchanging the tickets for a different movie because i couldn’t allow her to take her small kids into this movie. even if it wasn’t fucking terrifying, it’s rated r. she became belligerent, calling me a cunt and telling me i can’t tell her how to parent and to mind my own business, and tried to throw her drink (that she brought in herself, mind you) at me. so i told her to leave or i would call the cops and when she demanded a refund i told her i wouldn’t refund her after she became violent. aita for butting into her parenting and then not giving her a refund?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i’m a manager at a small business movie theater. we’re a small chain but nowhere near as big as amc or anything. today a woman bought 5 tickets to see it chapter 2. she bought them by herself and said her party would arrive later. when they did arrive, it was her husband, their teenage looking son and 2 smaller children, probably 7 and 5, just by appearance. i wasn’t there when they came, so my employee was the one who let them in. when i found out this woman brought her young children to see it, i was concerned and asked her if she would be interested in exchanging the tickets for a different movie because i couldn’t allow her to take her small kids into this movie. even if it wasn’t fucking terrifying, it’s rated r. she became belligerent, calling me a cunt and telling me i can’t tell her how to parent and to mind my own business, and tried to throw her drink (that she brought in herself, mind you) at me. so i told her to leave or i would call the cops and when she demanded a refund i told her i wouldn’t refund her after she became violent. aita for butting into her parenting and then not giving her a refund? [/INST] info is it illegal in your area for a child to watch an r rated film? i know in the uk it's illegal to watch an 18 (our equivalent to an r rating). </s>
AITA for introducing my boyfriend's parents as "Grandma and Grandpa" to my son?	this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him. by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me. i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out. we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong.	14,537	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z64yd5/aita_for_introducing_my_boyfriends_parents_as/	2022-11-27 16:07:53	yta you basically made the decision that jay and his family are now your son’s family all on your own, with no discussion beforehand, and that is why everyone is upset. while i’m sure no one is against the idea outright, the “formal nonsense” is a very necessary step when it comes to merging families. and to be honest, you probably need to have a serious discussion with jay about where this is heading sooner rather than later if both his parents and your sister did not think you two were that serious. what if he does not actually see himself as a father to your child, or does not see the relationship that seriously either? this is why we need the “formal nonsense”, and talking it through with everyone involved.	#yikes	yta. that's a major leap to introduce them with those terms when they don't fulfill that role. and the fact that he may one day be stepdad doesn't mean he's dad unless you had a serious discussion about if he will take on that role.	are you really shocked that the parents of a 25 year old aren't ready to be called "grandma and grandpa" yet? yta. you massively overstepped. it was not your place to introduce them at all, and especially not without asking if they were okay with that title.	wow wow wow yta. how extremely awkward. also, did you think for half a second how devastated your son will be when you guys break up and "grandma and grandpa" are no longer in his life...how utterly confusing for him. you didn't think about anyone but yourself and your childish fantasy. yta big-time. you created an unnecessary core memory for your poor son. he'll likely never forget the moment he was introduced to people you called his "grandparents", and will develop feelings of rejection and abandonment all because of your selfishness. and even though i'm a woman, if i were your boyfriend i would break up with you over this. there was a line and you just trah-la-la skipped over that line.	let me get this straight. 1) you’ve been dating jay for a year and a half. 2) you’ve only met jay’s parents three times and this is the first time they’ve met your son 3) you introduced people your son has never met as his grandparents 4) you are waiting on an apology because you blindsided everyone with this proclamation. yeah yta and i’m really not sure why you think everyone else is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩	yta. it's quite a big assumption for you to have your kid refer to anyone by grandma/grandpa. you should've run it by your boyfriend beforehand.	yta - you always, always discuss those things with everybody involved. and, by the way, you should not be waiting for an apology. you should be apologizing to him.	this post put me into a full-body cringe. yta and you owe everyone, including your son, an apology.	yta, that as a massive over reach, just shocking. you need to apologize, i am sorry, it may have been unintentional but that was so wrong.	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him. by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me. i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out. we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him. by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me. i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out. we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong. [/INST] yta you basically made the decision that jay and his family are now your son’s family all on your own, with no discussion beforehand, and that is why everyone is upset. while i’m sure no one is against the idea outright, the “formal nonsense” is a very necessary step when it comes to merging families. and to be honest, you probably need to have a serious discussion with jay about where this is heading sooner rather than later if both his parents and your sister did not think you two were that serious. what if he does not actually see himself as a father to your child, or does not see the relationship that seriously either? this is why we need the “formal nonsense”, and talking it through with everyone involved. </s>
AITA for contemplating taking food from a food bank to help expenses while not being technically starving/homeless?	i currently work a low-paying job and live with my aunt. i would not call us "starving", but we frequently try to creatively stretch our paycheck to try to stock up on food. there are some days where we don't have anything lying around to eat so we try to creatively use leftover meats and cook rice to make makeshift meals. i've been considering going to a food bank as that would make a huge difference. mainly so we have canned food or snacks lying around, but i'm not sure if this is appropriate since i'm not starving or homeless. we can get more food if we want to, but that would mean we would have to reduce another expense (and we live pretty cheaply). if it means anything, i'm also overweight (i eat a lot of rice/beans lol) and i'm not sure if it'll look like i'm just there at the food bank because i'm a pig and want free food. aita if i go to a food bank?	2,278	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ar0zof/aita_for_contemplating_taking_food_from_a_food/	2019-02-15 20:39:38	nah i had to look this up to see how food banks work. if yours works the way the one i found does, there are qualifications you need to meet to get food, such as being below a certain income. if they think you qualify, then you are the sort of person they are trying to help. if they think you don't qualify, then they don't give you food. so, you're fine with letting them decide for you.	nta - struggling is struggling. that being said, i'd make sure you're using your resources as efficiently as you can before doing so. do you have a budget? you say you live pretty cheaply, but sometimes people don't realize where their money is going until they write it all down. just because you're not homeless doesn't mean you couldn't use some assistance. just remember not to take advantage, and pay it forward if there's ever a time that you can.	nta. food banks are for people whose money is tight, not just homeless people.	info &#x200b; how much do you and your aunt make? low-paying sounds like you qualify for a food bank, as local laws near me would state that you and your aunt need to make roughly $30k or less to qualify for food bank assistance. food banks are there to fight against hunger and food insecurity which it seems like you half. starving, homeless are extremes of this - not a necessity for reaching out to a food bank. as another poster stated, look into food stamps and ebt to supplement your income if you qualify. there is no shame in taking assistance, by qualifying you are in \need\ and exactly who these programs are designed to help. &#x200b; as with the overweight comment - weight doesn't always correlate to amount your eating or whether you're better off than most. in fact, obesity is just as prevalent in the homeless due to improper nutrition: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/pmc3531350/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/pmc3531350/). what i would recommend (especially if you qualify for these programs) is to change your diet to something more nutritious. exercise better choices in food as well as appropriate portion control.	nah that’s what it’s there for. it’s sad that so many hardworking families are struggling to find money for essentials. you should absolutely not feel bad for taking advantage of this. and your weight has nothing to do with it. healthy food is expensive, and if you’re stuck eating unhealthy processed foods because that’s what you can afford, nobody should be judging you for that.	nta the people saying "someone might be more needy " is a ridiculous argument, it could be applied to almost every situation in life . if you qualify for the program then you shouldn't feel any sort of way for taking the assistance. most people don't look for help until they are to far gone, the resources you save can be put into a rainy day fund.	nta. but when you get back on your feet, think of donating. also, rice and beans is a fucking great meal.	nta. look up the term “food insecurity”. that term applies to you, and that is what food banks exist for. you don’t have to be homeless.	when i read the title i was all geared up to say you’re the a-h. a housemate of mine when i was in uni floated the idea of visiting a food bank as he ‘had no money for food’ - but the difference here was that he went out drinking 5x per week and regularly spent £100 a night on simulated horse race gambling. so he did have money, he just chose to spend it elsewhere. your situation is what foodbanks are for. don’t feel guilty for needing a little help. nta.	nah my family had a very low mortgage because we bought it way back in 2000. we could afford to stay there even on my mom’s 19k a year salary. however, we couldn’t afford much else, like food, and there’s no way we could sell in that area. our church had food banks rarely, but when they did, it was all people like us. people struggling to feed themselves and their families. don’t be greedy and take more than you need, but food banks aren’t just for homeless people. i was around 10 pounds underweight in high school, so i guess you could say “starving” but i was doing ok. there were plenty of poor overweight people in line too and i didn’t mind because everyone needs food, you know? that being said, they’re not to be used just for “snacks” as snacks aren’t really a necessity. as others have said, try to create a better budget. try to portion your food better. food banks are a good source of canned veggies that you can supplement a poor diet with. but make sure you’re not buying too much of the wrong thing instead of rounding out your food budget.	NAH	NTA	NTA	INFO	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.020963	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i currently work a low-paying job and live with my aunt. i would not call us "starving", but we frequently try to creatively stretch our paycheck to try to stock up on food. there are some days where we don't have anything lying around to eat so we try to creatively use leftover meats and cook rice to make makeshift meals. i've been considering going to a food bank as that would make a huge difference. mainly so we have canned food or snacks lying around, but i'm not sure if this is appropriate since i'm not starving or homeless. we can get more food if we want to, but that would mean we would have to reduce another expense (and we live pretty cheaply). if it means anything, i'm also overweight (i eat a lot of rice/beans lol) and i'm not sure if it'll look like i'm just there at the food bank because i'm a pig and want free food. aita if i go to a food bank?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i currently work a low-paying job and live with my aunt. i would not call us "starving", but we frequently try to creatively stretch our paycheck to try to stock up on food. there are some days where we don't have anything lying around to eat so we try to creatively use leftover meats and cook rice to make makeshift meals. i've been considering going to a food bank as that would make a huge difference. mainly so we have canned food or snacks lying around, but i'm not sure if this is appropriate since i'm not starving or homeless. we can get more food if we want to, but that would mean we would have to reduce another expense (and we live pretty cheaply). if it means anything, i'm also overweight (i eat a lot of rice/beans lol) and i'm not sure if it'll look like i'm just there at the food bank because i'm a pig and want free food. aita if i go to a food bank? [/INST] nah i had to look this up to see how food banks work. if yours works the way the one i found does, there are qualifications you need to meet to get food, such as being below a certain income. if they think you qualify, then you are the sort of person they are trying to help. if they think you don't qualify, then they don't give you food. so, you're fine with letting them decide for you. </s>
AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma's wedding dress and jewelry back?	i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?	23,946	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wzfy5w/aita_for_refusing_to_give_this_woman_her_grandmas/	2022-08-27 22:56:49	nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle.	nta. it’s a lot to clean a hoarder’s house. they could have hired a service if they were mentally unable to do it but instead they dumped it on someone else who paid them to take the house and all that’s in it. if they cared about the items they should have offered you money or asked you to keep an eye out. it’s yours, you did the work. i don’t care how cheap you got the house, it probably doesn’t “even out” like someone said because hoarding houses are… disasters, simply put and it takes a lot to clean and restore them.	nta you bought it and then (more importantly) you did a shit ton of work to save and restore these things. honestly, if i were the grandma i'd rather have my stuff go to a random stranger who gave a damn then anyone else. also, on that note, i'm gonna call out everyone in the comments (fortunately not that many) who say that this dress is more important to the family member. umm, no. it's not that important to the family. their convenience was more important. now that all of the hard work is done suddenly it all means so much to them. that's ridiculous. my grandmother was a hoarder and my family spent months cleaning out her house after she died. we did that because our family heirlooms and history meant something to us. it wasn't easy. it was costly and time consuming and miserable, and really important. you don't get to come back later, after all of the work is done, and decide you're suddenly entitled to the fruit of someone else's work.	nta. you can offer to sell it to them if you are feeling nice, but you literally spent 4 years going through all of the house, cleaning and fixing things up. that's a lot of labor they didn't feel like dealing with. you should probably remove them from fb. honestly it's also a little weird that you posted a pic in that dress if you plan on getting married in it someday	nta- but, since you were giving them mementos, which was a nice gesture, i think you confused them when you showed off the dress. cut them off and stop showing anymore things you’ve discovered.	nah the previous owner of the home passed away and it was likely much easier for her family to sell the house as is. in these cases the family are exhausted trying to reach the mentally ill person with the hoarding problem and just want to remove that stress from their lives after she passed. completely reasonable. they may have thought it all destroyed because as you said you could only open doors 8" and there was waste everywhere. you are legally the owner of this property and you took the time and money and care to restore these items. as they are legally yours. you do have a right to keep them. i'm not going to say you're an ah for keeping them, but it would be a very kind thing to offer these items to the family. despite the fact the house was in ruins it doesn't mean they didn't love their grandmother and wish to have some of the things she likely would have left to them if she'd been able to get to them. edited because i forgot judgement	nta. i honestly do feel this is a case of them wanting the spoils without doing the labor. you invested your time and money to recover clean and fix everything. you should be compensated for your labor. you did give them back sentimental items but if they want the valuable items i think they should pay.	nta i feel like people are not understanding the risk you took buying a hoarder house. the cleaning/disposal for cleaning up a bad hoard is expensive and time consuming, and there's no guarantees of being able to salvage anything. plus, it's not unusual for the entire house to be destroyed by a hoard and the destruction to not be visible until the hoard is cleared. let's be clear, the family had a chance to ask for a clause to return or buy back the heirlooms when they sold the house. they didn't do that because they assumed nothing they valued survived and they didn't want the trauma of dealing with the hoard. i understand the surprise of seeing that you were able to salvage these heirlooms, and i understand them wanting the heirlooms back. but, they don't get to just demand the items and they don't get to be shitty about you saying no. frankly, they should be grateful that you salvaged and returned the other sentimental mementos and papers. many people wouldn't even go that far.	i'm going to have to go with yta. while you may legally own those items, and they could've looked through the house themselves, once you've opened up communication with the family and friended them on facebook, flaunting their dead grandma's stuff--and expensive stuff at that-- is like rubbing their loss of heirlooms in their faces. there are many reasons people sell homes as is. people on this subreddit seem to think it's just because they "didn't care enough to look through it themselves." but more than likely other factors-- like mental health, grief, managing debt after a loss-- were all huge factors. maybe they made a difficult decision and sold the house to pay for a funeral, who knows. it doesn't mean that what is in the house isn't still significant. op clearly said that the dress looked like it had been taken care of--probably more than other things in the home-- which means that this dead woman probably wanted to pass on her wedding dress. flaunting that and her valuable possessions in front of the family through facebook is thoughtless behavior. to echo what other posters have said, what is legal and moral are two different things.	nta here. this is no good deed goes unpunished situation if you'd trashed the mementos that are purely sentimental instead of seeking the family out you share, no one would give you any grief for not handing other items back. there are professionals who could have been hired to sort through the hoarder's house. the family chose not to get help. they sold the house knowing grandma's valuables were in there. tell them you will give them anything indicated as theirs in the legal contract they read and signed when they sold the house to you but do not get sucked into a debate or a fight.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.03763	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita? [/INST] nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle. </s>
AITA for asking if my cousin made her first million yet?	hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.	26,406	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/knpbi5/aita_for_asking_if_my_cousin_made_her_first/	2020-12-31 12:40:26	nta why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this	nta. if they don’t want to hear comparisons and criticisms from you, then they shouldn’t make comparisons and criticisms against you.	nta everyone seemed to just take it as a chance to attack you about stuff you haven't achieved, but when you question them about making their first million they get mad. ps keep going you'll get that exam!	nta - can’t argue with the numbers. that’s awesome. your aunt is a jerk and your fam is maintaining this bs value-centered shaming status quo and got mad you upset that balance. do you!	aunt: asks for your achievement and mocks you you: i made my first million. aunt: surprised pikachu face nta.	nta i feel like you went less nuclear with your comment than in some of the other posts on here. it comes off a little sweaty and insecure but you could have said worse stuff and frankly they ought to also be saying something to your aunt about being mean.	info: did you really make a million? or were you just being defensive?	nta. i think the only way you could have handled it differently is by saying "i did achieve making 1 million this year so that's a good achievement." and not ask them if they made their first million yet. but that's really nitpicking and i'm not even sure if that would have helped the situation at all. but not the asshole at all.	info did pat get involved with making fun of you?	if you asked only people of your own culture if you were ta, what would they say? i ask because it is my impression that the "young people" are supposed to "shut up and take it" when the "elders" speak in many asian cultures. i don't know the answer, and i don't think it's right, but if it's a cultural thing for you, then maybe you are?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	INFO	null	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd. [/INST] nta why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this </s>
AITA for telling my wife it's her fault she didn't have fun in our wedding?	i met my wife almost 2 years ago through some common friends. when i met her she was heavily pregnant with her ex boyfriend's child but her ex wanted nothing to do with her and the kid and dumped her. we got together a bit after she gave birth and i loved the baby like my own. the kid has just turned 2. later on she got pregnant with our child and gave birth 6 months ago. i had proposed to her during the pregnancy and started planning the wedding straight away. while planning the wedding i made it clear how i'd like a kid free wedding but my wife was against it because she loves the vibes kids bring to weddings. she's also from the balkans so having kids at weddings is very important to her because weddings are usually family oriented in her culture. we eventually came to a compromise and only allowed kids over the age of 10. she wanted to bring our kids as well but i told her i'm against that because who's going to take care of them? she said our parents will help us out and i told her i am not going to ask my parents to babysit instead of having fun at my wedding. she said i'm being really unfair not trying to find a solution with her and how important it is to her to include our kids to the wedding. i told her she's the one who wants them there so it's on her to find a solution. her parents had said they'd help her out with the kids but they ended up enjoying themselves during our wedding last weekend. my wife barely danced and got up at all because she was caring for the kids and running after them the entire time. she complained how everyone else enjoyed her wedding but her as a bride didn't even get to dance more than twice. i told her it's her fault and she shouldn't bring the kids in the first place especially the 2 year old because she was the one causing the most trouble during the wedding running around the whole time. my parents also scolded her and told her she's very entitled for expecting them to babysit the kids while they were having fun at their only son's wedding. my wife said we are all tas for not trying to see her point and how we all cared more about our own fun and comfort and we tossed the bride to the side and she feels nobody gave a shit about her the entire time. aita?	10,099	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vl3h0m/aita_for_telling_my_wife_its_her_fault_she_didnt/	2022-06-26 12:16:20	info: who was supposed to watch the kids if they hadn't attended the wedding? couldn't you have arranged for that babysitter to watch the kids at the wedding?	info: did you propose because she got pregnant? nothing you wrote actually implies to me you care about her in a meaningful way.	info: why couldn't you have proposed a real compromise? you knew your solution wasn't going to be good enough. your wife is right, you didn't care about her feelings.	yta. you "didn't want a stranger at your wedding?" bs... you personally knew all the waiters, the venue manager, the officiant, the chefs, everyone? i think you implemented this rule to make sure she didn't enjoy herself. and when the people who were taking care of your kids failed to do so... you just sat back and enjoyed yourself, because you thought, serves her right? theyre your kids too... step up and be a fucking parent. you in several comments revel in the fact that your wife had a bad time, as punishment.... that's fucked... you don't see her as equal... her punishment was for not doing what you want in the exact manner you wanted it, you should not be trying to punish your spouse. you said your parents don't see the 2 year old as equal and you're cool with that... that's also fucked... that 2 year old is going to need so much therapy for that... as someone who went through that... take it from me, if you allow your parents to think like this your children will see this, and see it as a reflection of your thoughts too. anyways... seriously go seek therapy if you think it's natural to enjoy your spouse's sadness or to punish your spouse... that's textbook personality disorder.	i bet this is just the tip of the iceberg with you. back to back pregnancies and punishing her like a child? unless you were personally friends with every single service person involved in the wedding, you have no excuse to refuse a babysitter yta	yta. “i don’t want a stranger at my wedding” so you would rather ruin your wife’s one special night over a single guest? you’re absolutely pathetic and i hope she gets to have the wedding of her dreams one day, with a man that actually cares about what she wants. also just in case you were wondering, if you hadn’t invited the children, they would resent you for excluding them on such an important day in the future. you sound far too immature and petty to properly care for your family, hopefully your wife enjoys being a mother to 3 boys. edit since people seem confused- i am saying the children would resent him…not just because of not being invited, but because he doesn’t respect their mother or her opinions. they would eventually hear about how he forced her to exclude them from their big day. he was able to enjoy the wedding while his wife was clearly miserable and did nothing to help or compromise. if he is acting like this during the wedding, i can’t imagine the kind of father he’ll be afterward.	yta. why the fuck did she marry you?	yta. she gave birth 6 months ago. i wouldn't want to leave a baby that young with a sitter either, personally. i don't think she's being unreasonable there. 'i told her she's the one who wants them there so it's on her to find a solution.' they're both your kids. not just her kids. so you absolutely should have, you know, parented. her parents let you both down, not just her. but your attitude of 'not my problem' isn't what marriage or parenting is about. you're supposed to be a team.	yta. if she had agreed to the kid free wedding you wanted then i assume you would have had to find a babysitter. so why didn’t either of you think to compromise and have a babysitter at the wedding?! you’re both idiots.	wow dude, yta. your wife certainly has a poor taste on men. first she dated a dude that abandoned her pregnant. now she married an ahole that would prefer her to be miserable at her own wedding instead of allowing her to hire a sitter for the wedding, since for her is import to have her kids there. congratulations, groomzilla.	INFO	INFO	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.041243	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met my wife almost 2 years ago through some common friends. when i met her she was heavily pregnant with her ex boyfriend's child but her ex wanted nothing to do with her and the kid and dumped her. we got together a bit after she gave birth and i loved the baby like my own. the kid has just turned 2. later on she got pregnant with our child and gave birth 6 months ago. i had proposed to her during the pregnancy and started planning the wedding straight away. while planning the wedding i made it clear how i'd like a kid free wedding but my wife was against it because she loves the vibes kids bring to weddings. she's also from the balkans so having kids at weddings is very important to her because weddings are usually family oriented in her culture. we eventually came to a compromise and only allowed kids over the age of 10. she wanted to bring our kids as well but i told her i'm against that because who's going to take care of them? she said our parents will help us out and i told her i am not going to ask my parents to babysit instead of having fun at my wedding. she said i'm being really unfair not trying to find a solution with her and how important it is to her to include our kids to the wedding. i told her she's the one who wants them there so it's on her to find a solution. her parents had said they'd help her out with the kids but they ended up enjoying themselves during our wedding last weekend. my wife barely danced and got up at all because she was caring for the kids and running after them the entire time. she complained how everyone else enjoyed her wedding but her as a bride didn't even get to dance more than twice. i told her it's her fault and she shouldn't bring the kids in the first place especially the 2 year old because she was the one causing the most trouble during the wedding running around the whole time. my parents also scolded her and told her she's very entitled for expecting them to babysit the kids while they were having fun at their only son's wedding. my wife said we are all tas for not trying to see her point and how we all cared more about our own fun and comfort and we tossed the bride to the side and she feels nobody gave a shit about her the entire time. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i met my wife almost 2 years ago through some common friends. when i met her she was heavily pregnant with her ex boyfriend's child but her ex wanted nothing to do with her and the kid and dumped her. we got together a bit after she gave birth and i loved the baby like my own. the kid has just turned 2. later on she got pregnant with our child and gave birth 6 months ago. i had proposed to her during the pregnancy and started planning the wedding straight away. while planning the wedding i made it clear how i'd like a kid free wedding but my wife was against it because she loves the vibes kids bring to weddings. she's also from the balkans so having kids at weddings is very important to her because weddings are usually family oriented in her culture. we eventually came to a compromise and only allowed kids over the age of 10. she wanted to bring our kids as well but i told her i'm against that because who's going to take care of them? she said our parents will help us out and i told her i am not going to ask my parents to babysit instead of having fun at my wedding. she said i'm being really unfair not trying to find a solution with her and how important it is to her to include our kids to the wedding. i told her she's the one who wants them there so it's on her to find a solution. her parents had said they'd help her out with the kids but they ended up enjoying themselves during our wedding last weekend. my wife barely danced and got up at all because she was caring for the kids and running after them the entire time. she complained how everyone else enjoyed her wedding but her as a bride didn't even get to dance more than twice. i told her it's her fault and she shouldn't bring the kids in the first place especially the 2 year old because she was the one causing the most trouble during the wedding running around the whole time. my parents also scolded her and told her she's very entitled for expecting them to babysit the kids while they were having fun at their only son's wedding. my wife said we are all tas for not trying to see her point and how we all cared more about our own fun and comfort and we tossed the bride to the side and she feels nobody gave a shit about her the entire time. aita? [/INST] info: who was supposed to watch the kids if they hadn't attended the wedding? couldn't you have arranged for that babysitter to watch the kids at the wedding? </s>
AITA for ruining my wife's work and eating the food before she could take pictures of it?	my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it. i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat. she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit. when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off. today she has gone complete radio silence. aita?	21,416	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/spgbvp/aita_for_ruining_my_wifes_work_and_eating_the/	2022-02-10 20:33:10	yta, what the actual fuck. sounds like this is her job or at minimum an important hobby. keep a lunchable and a juice box in the fridge for when you need to act like a child.	yta dude she worked hard on it and you couldn’t wait a few minutes while she took pictures. if you can’t stand the wait then make your own food. you did do it to sabotage her since you knew that she hadn’t taken any photos yet. apologize to your wife.	[removed]	yta if you're so annoyed by this, you have 2 options 1) cook for yourself 2) sit down and have an adult conversation about this with your wife. what you did was childish.	yta. the fact that you said so yourself that you purposely destroyed her work that she made an effort for, for hours, mind you, you even went far by eating every single one. just because you can't wait for another 10 minutes? want to eat as soon as you like? then cook your own food. god, how hard must it be to cook a meal or just make a fucking sandwich. i'll say this again for the people at the back. you are not entitled to make your wife your own chef or maid. this is her "work", and technically, you're just a freeloader for her "work". you just get to eat because she "works". cook your own damn meal.	yta. let’s break this down: 1) this is her job. she’s not making this food and making you wait to take pictures for funsies. she spent hours planning this, preparing this, and was ready to finish and you came home to ruin her work? how would you feel if she went to your workplace and destroyed a project because she was “annoyed” she had to wait a mere ten minutes? 2) your lack of respect for wife is appalling. this is your wife. this is her job. you’re making fun of her a getting annoyed because she wants to contribute to the family income? 3) if this is a pattern — her preparing food and requesting you wait so she can photograph it — eat a snack and be patient. stop acting shocked that she’s going to do this. if you’re “starving” then get some fruit snacks and a juice box and wait for her to finish. act like a toddler, snack like a toddler. better yet, cook your own damn food!	bud. do you really need to ask? you took something she loves to do, something she is proud of, something that brings her joy, and you told her you didn't care about it. i don't doubt that she spent hours if not the entire day preparing that. you sound like an enormous asshole, i feel so sorry for her. you should be supporting her hobbies and interests, and if she has enough followers on instagram, she could eventually be making much more than you do, if she isn't already.	yta she runs a website dedicated to food and that involves food photography. imagine working on a painting for 6 hours and someone ripping it in half - that's what you did. you come off as an impatient, petulant child here. go to the fridge, grab a string cheese, and grow up	you couldn’t wait ten minutes to eat?? eat the food she made for her work? personal project info here because if this is her job holy forking sporks dude. you are unbelievably the asshole. drink a glass of water, have a cracker, or make your damn meal. but first go apologize to your wife. and help her remake her food.	how is this even a question? of course yta. you know yta. she put hours worth of work into setting that up and you acted like a toddler and messed it up because you couldn't be patient. if you're soooo hungry that you can't wait for a few pictures then go get mcdonald's. grow up!	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it. i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat. she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit. when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off. today she has gone complete radio silence. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it. i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat. she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit. when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off. today she has gone complete radio silence. aita? [/INST] yta, what the actual fuck. sounds like this is her job or at minimum an important hobby. keep a lunchable and a juice box in the fridge for when you need to act like a child. </s>
AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend's vodka after smashing it?	i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do. fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita?	10,872	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zt2hsu/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_boyfriends_vodka/	2022-12-23 01:06:38	yta. adults use their mouths to communicate. “hey i’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. i thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.” you went “me no likey me go smash smash”.	yta. there is no alcohol remaining in the food so he was not "lacing your food". of course you can ask him not to make that dish in the future if it triggers you. still, you destroyed someone else's property and you need to make restitution.	yta i understand how you feel about it, but breaking the bottle was an inappropriate action. you've obviously not been set back in your recovery by consuming a trace amount of alcohol in cooked food. if he really thought this was ok, he wasn't being malicious. you can set this as a boundary going ahead if you make it through this conflict, but you were out of line to break the bottle. as a general rule, when loved ones upset us, breaking things, punching walls, or otherwise physically venting temper in destructive ways is not a good thing.	info: so for the last 30 times hes made you the dish, youve never been in the kitchen?	this reads like a person imagining how a recovering alcoholic would act like. "it still bothers you" that he drinks with his friends? really? stop it. yta. no, you can't just knock over a bottle of alcohol in someone else's house and expect not to pay for it. and no, cooking with alcohol doesn't "lace" your food with it. for a supposed "recovering alcoholic", you know very little about the substance itself.	yta - you break it, you bought it. also for the "lacing my food for years" comment. settle down.	kudos to you on being a recovering alcoholic. that takes a lot of strength and courage. but in this case, yta although i understand your emotional response. many people put vodka in pasta sauce -- it's called tomato vodka sauce. the alcohol does boil away. whenever you cook with alcohol, unless you add it at the very end, it boils away.	yta big time - you do realize that there are recipes made with alcohol, and the alcohol goes away when its cooked. rum cake for example cant get you drunk unless you pour rum after baking it. yes - you definitely need to pay for that. i can understand you being alcohol-recovering , but that does not give you the right to break a bottle for a reason like that. thats like you going up to a stranger at a restaurant and breaking their margerita glass cuz you didnt want it in your presence. also, that would be the same as you destroying a rum cake, which is a very good cake because of the rum flavor that doesnt come from the alcohol itself	i hope you never have any baked goods because extracts like vanilla extract are made with alcohol. i'm not saying he was in the right, but it's not like you never have food with alcohol in it.	yta. hi! recovering alcoholic here. two years alcohol free. you're an adult. you know not to smash things when you're angry. you know that when you drop glass on the ground it breaks. you know that your recovery and your triggers are your responsibility. you know that your boyfriend, who respects you and cares for you, would not intentionally trigger you or cause a relapse. you haven't relapsed from the vodka sauce, so you know whatever amount he was using it wasn't enough to affect you. i know it's hard. i can imagine that whirlwind of emotions, that feeling like all your progress didn't matter at all, like he'd stolen a year and a half sober from you and didn't give a shit. but your progress did matter and your time sober was not stolen from you. i think if it were me, i would apologize.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do. fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do. fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita? [/INST] yta. adults use their mouths to communicate. “hey i’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. i thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.” you went “me no likey me go smash smash”. </s>
AITA for telling my sister in law to fuck off?	it was my brother's birthday yesterday and i was asked by my brother if i wanted to join a birthday dinner between him and his wife. i kindly declined because i had came home from work and did not want to go out, because of how tired i was. i was planning on be attending his birthday party the day after which is tonight and they both knew that. half an hour later i check my phone and i see that i received a text from my sister in law which said the following: "it's your brother's 30th birthday. get your ass up. get dressed and we will pick you up in 30 minutes. i dont even want to hear it. dont be rude. have some respect for your brother." am i the asshole that my blood boiled so hard after reading this text message that i texted back to her "fuck off." to which she replied: "excuse me? have you lost your mind? how dare you even speak to me this way?" she is 1 month pregnant and my brother flipped off on me and told me that i am wrong and she is pregnant. i'm not a female but being pregnant does not mean you have a right to be a fucking cunt and talk to me like a child. just a quick backstory - she has insulted my mother on my mothers birthday before and straight up talked shit about my parents onf facebook. i'm just so irritated by this event and nobody is on my side. tl:dr - i said no to coming to my brother's birthday dinner because i was tired after work but i was going to the party the day after. i get a text from my sister-in-law talking down to me like i am a child to which i replied "fuck off"	1,925	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aotn66/aita_for_telling_my_sister_in_law_to_fuck_off/	2019-02-09 16:11:39	esh. i really want to say nta because your sister in law sounds like a real jerk (pregnant or not), but telling her to fuck off is unnecessarily provocative here, even if she's disrespecting you. it would be much more productive to tell her you wont be spoken to like a child, that you are not participating, and then to not engage with her further. don't even answer the damn door when she comes knocking. just don't stoop to her level.	nta. shes pregnant, you know she cant read curse words, itll hurt the baby and it'll come out saying "fuck off". nah but seriously fuck her, and fuck your brother. he def saw the texts his ol lady sent you, he should be on your side if anything. that was an appropriate response to demanding and assholish behavior. shes married to your brother, the only person in the entire world that she has a right to speak to like that, is your dumbass brother, and here before long, their soon to be child. what kind of dumbass bitch talks like that to someone and then has the gaul to be offended when they get a remark back with similar attitude.	nta. you already had plans to celebrate with your brother.and your sister in law doesn't have the right to demand you.	esh. sorry brother but you shouldn't have told her to fuck off no matter how much the trifling bitch deserved it. like it or not she's attached to your brother now and if you want to have a relationship with him you're going to need to have a relationship with her.	nta, just because she's pregnant doesn't give her the right to boss you like that. besides even if did pregnancy affected people like that i highly doubt being one month pregnant would affect her that greatly.	nta oh they sound like a treat. respect goes both ways and she needs to respect some much needed boundaries. in no way was it appropriate for her to text you that. if your brother had a problem with it, that's on him to handle, not her. pregnant or not, she doesn't get to treat you like a child and overstep. id be talking to him about this dynamic with her if she does this often enough, as she will likely do this to anyone you date someday too. plus it's not their place to shame you into doing something. a simple "okay no problem!" when you said no, was all that was needed. i think your response was a bit over the top but i chuckled. i have family that act similar and oh how badly i want to straight up say "fuck off" when they cross a line.	esh. she sucks and i would have been royally pissed off at her for texting me that message. however, f off is pretty harsh. also it gives her ammunition to be defensive when in reality she was the original a hole. would have been better to go with “ i said i was exhausted and i am not coming. i will be at his party tomorrow” setting boundaries is always better than giving the other side reason to say you are a jerk.	esh. it's possible you hurt his feelings when you "kindly declined." he may not have conveyed that you, but his wife noticed, or he mentioned how disappointed he was to her. people often put a lot of pressure on their 30th in particular, so it may have been a bigger deal to him than you realize. regardless, she's an asshole for speaking to you so rudely, and you're an asshole for immediately telling her to fuck off.	nta that was a justifiable response to what she said. it may also help her learn to be more polite in the future. to the people saying you shouldn't have said that.... if you don't set boundaries and limits, she will always be like this.	esh you should have just told her no again. she shouldn't have been a jerk.	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	NTA	ESH	0.421875	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it was my brother's birthday yesterday and i was asked by my brother if i wanted to join a birthday dinner between him and his wife. i kindly declined because i had came home from work and did not want to go out, because of how tired i was. i was planning on be attending his birthday party the day after which is tonight and they both knew that. half an hour later i check my phone and i see that i received a text from my sister in law which said the following: "it's your brother's 30th birthday. get your ass up. get dressed and we will pick you up in 30 minutes. i dont even want to hear it. dont be rude. have some respect for your brother." am i the asshole that my blood boiled so hard after reading this text message that i texted back to her "fuck off." to which she replied: "excuse me? have you lost your mind? how dare you even speak to me this way?" she is 1 month pregnant and my brother flipped off on me and told me that i am wrong and she is pregnant. i'm not a female but being pregnant does not mean you have a right to be a fucking cunt and talk to me like a child. just a quick backstory - she has insulted my mother on my mothers birthday before and straight up talked shit about my parents onf facebook. i'm just so irritated by this event and nobody is on my side. tl:dr - i said no to coming to my brother's birthday dinner because i was tired after work but i was going to the party the day after. i get a text from my sister-in-law talking down to me like i am a child to which i replied "fuck off"	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> it was my brother's birthday yesterday and i was asked by my brother if i wanted to join a birthday dinner between him and his wife. i kindly declined because i had came home from work and did not want to go out, because of how tired i was. i was planning on be attending his birthday party the day after which is tonight and they both knew that. half an hour later i check my phone and i see that i received a text from my sister in law which said the following: "it's your brother's 30th birthday. get your ass up. get dressed and we will pick you up in 30 minutes. i dont even want to hear it. dont be rude. have some respect for your brother." am i the asshole that my blood boiled so hard after reading this text message that i texted back to her "fuck off." to which she replied: "excuse me? have you lost your mind? how dare you even speak to me this way?" she is 1 month pregnant and my brother flipped off on me and told me that i am wrong and she is pregnant. i'm not a female but being pregnant does not mean you have a right to be a fucking cunt and talk to me like a child. just a quick backstory - she has insulted my mother on my mothers birthday before and straight up talked shit about my parents onf facebook. i'm just so irritated by this event and nobody is on my side. tl:dr - i said no to coming to my brother's birthday dinner because i was tired after work but i was going to the party the day after. i get a text from my sister-in-law talking down to me like i am a child to which i replied "fuck off" [/INST] esh. i really want to say nta because your sister in law sounds like a real jerk (pregnant or not), but telling her to fuck off is unnecessarily provocative here, even if she's disrespecting you. it would be much more productive to tell her you wont be spoken to like a child, that you are not participating, and then to not engage with her further. don't even answer the damn door when she comes knocking. just don't stoop to her level. </s>
AITA for taking my son’s computer away?	so, last week i found 2 jars of pee under my 16 year old son’s bed. i asked his what was going on, and he told me that when he is playing online games with friends at night and needs to pee, he can’t pause the game so he pees in a jar. i took his computer away for a week. i felt like his gaming has become a problem if he’s peeing in a jar. he’s pretty convinced i’m being unreasonable. am i?	444	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t7r5me/aita_for_taking_my_sons_computer_away/	2022-03-06 04:39:45	info: why wouldn't he just... empty them into the toilet when he was done gaming? his excuse doesn't explain why he keeps it.	nta storing your urine in a jar under your bed is behavior that needs to be immediately corrected. taking away the computer is a totally appropriate reaction. if the gaming is excessive enough to result in this, he probably needs to take a break from it for a little while.	nta. even professional level e-sports players know when to step away from the keyboard, take a breather and empty their bladder. it sounds like this is becoming a serious issue for him and it may very well be in your interests to seek professional help regarding this (gaming addiction is now considered a legit "illness" in some countries, with services available.) some countries even have 'gaming detox' and 'internet detox' facilities where it is nigh impossible to go online (digital devices not being permitted within their walls) in the meantime, it may be worth utilising parental controls on the computer if you are able to - some software makes it so you can not use the internet between set hours, others make it so that you have to take a x minute break after y minutes/hours of use.	nta, as a gamer i know for a fact that there's enough time during the wait time for a match to go to the bathroom and pee. i'm a girl and i still manage to be fast enough to do the job and get back in time for the match. a boy would probably be faster at that? hydration and breaks between matches are important.	nta. peeing in a jar for gaming is excessive.	nta.. ahh, teenage boys, i've got one right now that i question weird shit with every single day. i've never found pee in a jar under his bed tho, lol he's got to know how unsanitary this really is. i think the punishment is justified.	nta. you type "brb bio" in chat, everyone get's it. usually ends up being a 5 minute break because everyone needs to pee. i used to be seriously in to online gaming. i was in one of the top raiding guild in world of warcraft back when that meant something. we took potty breaks. personally i think the term "gaming addiction" get's overused, but if he's at the point where he can't handle basic human functions, he has a problem and it's likely the gaming obsession is a symptom not the cause. he needs therapy and is going to be highly resistant.	nta. when things interfere with normal everyday activities of life like that, those things are a problem.	nta. but give the computer back and add “empty your pee jars on a daily basis” to his list of chores. teenage boys never cease to amaze. smh.	nta. games dont last that long. as a gamer, who plays games that can last hours long, there's always a chance to pee. peeing in a jar is kind of ridiculous.	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, last week i found 2 jars of pee under my 16 year old son’s bed. i asked his what was going on, and he told me that when he is playing online games with friends at night and needs to pee, he can’t pause the game so he pees in a jar. i took his computer away for a week. i felt like his gaming has become a problem if he’s peeing in a jar. he’s pretty convinced i’m being unreasonable. am i?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so, last week i found 2 jars of pee under my 16 year old son’s bed. i asked his what was going on, and he told me that when he is playing online games with friends at night and needs to pee, he can’t pause the game so he pees in a jar. i took his computer away for a week. i felt like his gaming has become a problem if he’s peeing in a jar. he’s pretty convinced i’m being unreasonable. am i? [/INST] info: why wouldn't he just... empty them into the toilet when he was done gaming? his excuse doesn't explain why he keeps it. </s>
AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home	title isn't as bad as it sounds. my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. the only primary school in the area is a welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english? my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english? aita for wanting my child to speak english??	9,358	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/	2020-08-27 16:14:15	yta. 1. welsh is not a dead language. 2. you and your wife agreed to raise your daughter as bilingual. stop trying to go back on your agreement. 3. being bilingual as a child is a great thing. it will not hurt her chances at university. educate yourself.	yta your daughter does speak english...and welsh too. >so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time so you choose to hang with a bunch of jerks and you want to blame your wife? the history of english discrimination against welshmen is well documented. was that skipped or downplayed in your upbringing (sort of like the history of slavery in the us)? >but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us if the only primary school in your area is welsh, it appears that welsh is all around her too and she chooses to speak with her close relatives in their language. >it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. that's incorrect, it's actually very good for her education. perhaps she'll pick up latin in a few years too to allay concern about her university education. look you are an all around a. you married a welsh woman, live in wales and insist on pretending like you are a 19th century english mine owner.	yta it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. bah. i can't even. so her native language is only her fathers native language, not her mothers? please do elaborate. as someone who grew up with 2 languages, i'd love to hear the reasoning to this.	yta she's welsh, lives in wales, speaks welsh at school, and.... you're freaking out because she speaks welsh? as well as english? hey, notice that? it's english, not british. stop being an asshole, learn a few words of welsh, and be happy that your daughter will have a cool other language to connect with her ancestry. practically every other european country teaches english as well as their native language.	yta - i live in a small welsh village in south west wales and i'm originally from surrey. i can't speak welsh at all, my children attend schools that are exclusively welsh speaking. children that are born in wales should speak welsh and english. it's their heritage and should be proud of it. calling it pointless and a dead language is horrible. also most welsh people like to identify as welsh and not british and i don't blame that for them at all. you sound extremely patronising and i would want to keep myself separate from that british attitude just like your wife does. cymru am byth... wales forever as my children and partner like to say, your daughter and wife are proud to be welsh and you should be proud of them.	yta. yes, this is as bad as your title makes it sound.	yta and way outclassed by your wife. do you know why welsh almost died? because of fools like you.	um yes. majorly yta. you say you "don't get her nationalism", but that's just it. you don't get it, therefore you decided it's not a big deal, regardless of the fact it's quite important to people who are welsh-- like your wife. you have a very confused idea of what welsh is, and how bilingualism works. if your daughter speaks language a with parent 1 and language b with parent 2, they are both her "native languages", and if she has started speaking this with her mom's family, it is certainly not a "dead language". all i can make out of this is that, you, being english, have decided that english/british is everyone else's identity in the uk, and that you're ready to outright dismiss your wife's feelings on the matter of her own origins because it does not suit your world view. open up your eyes and your mind, before you hurt your kid. oh and btw. when you don't know anything about bilingualism, you shouldn't come out with statements like " it's confusing and can't be good for her education". bilingualism is generally considered a major advantage for kids, the cognitive benefits alone are worth it.	yta you know that you're being racist, right? or what's a better way to express this.. you have a very coloniser english mentality. welsh is her native language too. your wife is not extremely nationalist, just nationalist, proud of her heritage. which you are trying to erase on multible levels. you don't want her to speak her language. or call herself welsh, just british. that's erasure.	yta. this is totally about you feeling left out. your wife and daughter are welsh and i don't know why it surprises you when they.. well, when they are welsh. i can see why you are upset about the name, because baby names should be joint decisions, but that ship has kinda sailed. (for the record, it is normal for bilingual children to intermix the languages when they are young, but study after study has shown that there is no longterm confusion and their abilities with each language are commensurate with unilingual peers. clearly you have some insecurities and resentment to work through, but don't make up inaccuracies to support your feelings.)	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: title isn't as bad as it sounds. my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. the only primary school in the area is a welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english? my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english? aita for wanting my child to speak english??	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> title isn't as bad as it sounds. my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. the only primary school in the area is a welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english? my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english? aita for wanting my child to speak english?? [/INST] yta. 1. welsh is not a dead language. 2. you and your wife agreed to raise your daughter as bilingual. stop trying to go back on your agreement. 3. being bilingual as a child is a great* thing. it will not hurt her chances at university. educate yourself. </s>
AITA for not caring my coworker uses homophobic slurs until after I learned she was straight?	i got a new job and i have this coworker (frankie) who works in a different department than me but we often work in the same area so we talk a lot. i am openly and obviously a gay man. i don't really talk about it a lot, but it's something that many people (mostlyother gay people) can pick up on because of my voice, mannerisms, dress, etc. so when i met frankie she clocked i was gay right away, and i just assumed she was also gay. partly because she dresses and acts like a butch lesbian, but also because she started calling me a faggot in a playful jokey way. i don't have a problem referring to myself as a faggot, i'm all for reclaiming slurs and whatever. plus me and my gay friends call each other it all the time so i figured this was just more gay/lesbian solidarity. it did seem unprofessional, but she only said it when it was just the 2 of us so i figured it wasn't hurting anyone. anyway, a few days ago, frankie mentioned her husband, and i was like "wait, you aren't gay?" and she was like no. and i was like "are you at least bi?" and she was like no i'm straight. and i'm like gagged. i'm like "i totally thought you were a lesbian!" and we laughed about it. then the next day she called me a faggot again in a jokey way and i was like "oh don't call me that." and she was like "but i always call you that" and i was basically like "yeah i was fine with it when i thought you were also gay because of what i presumed were our shared experiences existing on the margins of socially acceptable sexuality, but that's a homophobic slur and it carries an entirely different context when it's being used by a straight person. and if you call me a faggot again, i will file a complaint with hr." anyway she was pretty pissed about that one and basically called me a hypocrite (which i disagree with) and also accused me of being homophobic for assuming she was a lesbian just because of how she presented herself (which i also disagree with because i didn't actually assume she was a lesbian until she started dropping slurs, before that i was on the fence.) so basically i think she's defs an asshole for using that slur so casually, but i wanna know if i'm also an asshole in this situation. tl;dr my coworker calls me a faggot and i was fine with it cos i thought she was a lesbian. i found out she's not and got mad about it and she's pissed off of with me for perceived hypocrisy.	1,827	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqf1ry/aita_for_not_caring_my_coworker_uses_homophobic/	2020-01-18 10:54:36	esh; no matter who is saying it, slurs of any kind should be avoided in the workplace. i know your post said it only happened when it was the two of you, but all it takes is someone not paying attention for a third party to walk in and get offended/someone gets reported. she shouldn't have been using that word, and you shouldn't have condoned it in the workplace no matter who was saying it.	you're not an asshole but you are an idiot to assume someone who used a homophobic slur must be gay and not a homophobe.	nta why would she think it was acceptable to go around calling people slurs (esp at work) and then being upset about it when they have a problem with it?? she sounds ridiculous and ignant .	nta, i'm a lesbian, there's an unwritten rule about slurs that us gays understand, as you well know. it's cool from our people but not when straight people do it.	nta. she's calling you a slur and you were comfortable with it under the pretense of you believing she was part of lgbtq+. from what it sounds like she came up to you and started calling you it as a nickname as soon as she got alone time with you. if this is the case then she's just an asshole and found a place where she can stretch her homophobia toes.	nta. i'm gay and feel the exact same way, so do a lot of minority groups. for the record, she is a complete freak for thinking she can get away with saying the f word so casually at work. my god, what does this woman say when she's on her time off??	nta, it sounds like you were very reasonable in explaining it to her. definitely an asshole thing to go around calling people slurs (especially at work... even if she was gay.)	nta just like there's no n word card for white people, there's not f word card for straight people	nta. a lot of minority groups reclaim words. i use words like queer and i wouldn't be comfortable with a straight person calling me queer, but if someone who seemed friendly and jokey called me that, i'd assume good intent and therefore read them as queer too. it's not your fault this person happened to present a lot of the identifiers we use among ourselves to find our people. in fact it must've sucked to realise this whole time you've been laughing along with someone's homophobia. i'm sorry op. you did the right thing to speak up to her.	nta. you shouldn’t have assumed her sexuality based on stereotypes but realistically it’s something a lot of people do. it’s unacceptable for her to use that kind of derogatory language. me and my queer friends use it sometimes, but when you’re queer, it’s a way of reclaiming a slur and has a very different context. and even then a lot of times queer people i meet still clarify and say ‘hey, i use this to refer to myself as a joke but if it makes you uncomfortable i won’t use it around you’ and that’s what i do around new people i meet too, because we know that everyone’s experiences with homophobia are different and even though i’m fine with calling myself a dyke, the girl raised in a homophobic catholic household might associate the word with trauma rather than empowerment. you have every right to ask someone not to use derogatory slurs to refer to you.	ESH	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got a new job and i have this coworker (frankie) who works in a different department than me but we often work in the same area so we talk a lot. i am openly and obviously a gay man. i don't really talk about it a lot, but it's something that many people (mostlyother gay people) can pick up on because of my voice, mannerisms, dress, etc. so when i met frankie she clocked i was gay right away, and i just assumed she was also gay. partly because she dresses and acts like a butch lesbian, but also because she started calling me a faggot in a playful jokey way. i don't have a problem referring to myself as a faggot, i'm all for reclaiming slurs and whatever. plus me and my gay friends call each other it all the time so i figured this was just more gay/lesbian solidarity. it did seem unprofessional, but she only said it when it was just the 2 of us so i figured it wasn't hurting anyone. anyway, a few days ago, frankie mentioned her husband, and i was like "wait, you aren't gay?" and she was like no. and i was like "are you at least bi?" and she was like no i'm straight. and i'm like gagged. i'm like "i totally thought you were a lesbian!" and we laughed about it. then the next day she called me a faggot again in a jokey way and i was like "oh don't call me that." and she was like "but i always call you that" and i was basically like "yeah i was fine with it when i thought you were also gay because of what i presumed were our shared experiences existing on the margins of socially acceptable sexuality, but that's a homophobic slur and it carries an entirely different context when it's being used by a straight person. and if you call me a faggot again, i will* file a complaint with hr." anyway she was pretty pissed about that one and basically called me a hypocrite (which i disagree with) and also accused me of being homophobic for assuming she was a lesbian just because of how she presented herself (which i also disagree with because i didn't actually assume she was a lesbian until she started dropping slurs, before that i was on the fence.) so basically i think she's defs an asshole for using that slur so casually, but i wanna know if i'm also an asshole in this situation. tl;dr my coworker calls me a faggot and i was fine with it cos i thought she was a lesbian. i found out she's not and got mad about it and she's pissed off of with me for perceived hypocrisy.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i got a new job and i have this coworker (frankie) who works in a different department than me but we often work in the same area so we talk a lot. i am openly and obviously a gay man. i don't really talk about it a lot, but it's something that many people (mostlyother gay people) can pick up on because of my voice, mannerisms, dress, etc. so when i met frankie she clocked i was gay right away, and i just assumed she was also gay. partly because she dresses and acts like a butch lesbian, but also because she started calling me a faggot in a playful jokey way. i don't have a problem referring to myself as a faggot, i'm all for reclaiming slurs and whatever. plus me and my gay friends call each other it all the time so i figured this was just more gay/lesbian solidarity. it did seem unprofessional, but she only said it when it was just the 2 of us so i figured it wasn't hurting anyone. anyway, a few days ago, frankie mentioned her husband, and i was like "wait, you aren't gay?" and she was like no. and i was like "are you at least bi?" and she was like no i'm straight. and i'm like gagged. i'm like "i totally thought you were a lesbian!" and we laughed about it. then the next day she called me a faggot again in a jokey way and i was like "oh don't call me that." and she was like "but i always call you that" and i was basically like "yeah i was fine with it when i thought you were also gay because of what i presumed were our shared experiences existing on the margins of socially acceptable sexuality, but that's a homophobic slur and it carries an entirely different context when it's being used by a straight person. and if you call me a faggot again, i will* file a complaint with hr." anyway she was pretty pissed about that one and basically called me a hypocrite (which i disagree with) and also accused me of being homophobic for assuming she was a lesbian just because of how she presented herself (which i also disagree with because i didn't actually assume she was a lesbian until she started dropping slurs, before that i was on the fence.) so basically i think she's defs an asshole for using that slur so casually, but i wanna know if i'm also an asshole in this situation. tl;dr my coworker calls me a faggot and i was fine with it cos i thought she was a lesbian. i found out she's not and got mad about it and she's pissed off of with me for perceived hypocrisy. [/INST] esh; no matter who is saying it, slurs of any kind should be avoided in the workplace. i know your post said it only happened when it was the two of you, but all it takes is someone not paying attention for a third party to walk in and get offended/someone gets reported. she shouldn't have been using that word, and you shouldn't have condoned it in the workplace no matter who was saying it. </s>
AITA for taking away my daughter's thanksgiving present because she refused to eat what my wife cooked?	hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving.	11,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyh899/aita_for_taking_away_my_daughters_thanksgiving/	2021-11-20 23:07:28	yta. your in-laws had it spot on: >my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter your daughter's done nothing to warrant having her gift taken away, but a+++ effort to your new wife for attempting to stick a wedge between you and your child (and a+++ effort to you for not noticing).	yta. as is molly. your daughter doesn't always like molly's food and that's reasonable. it's not about it being "less than" it's about personal preferences - respect that your child is now old enough to have and act on their own food preferences. > molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. that's a bs excuse. if it was about a balanced diet it wouldn't matter if the daughter was cooking - the discussion would be about healthy things your daughter could cook instead.	yta. if she is cooking her own food she likes better, who cares? your new wife sounds like a control freak. it is about more than dinner: you brought a new wife into the house and suddenly she gets to control what your nearly-adult daughter eats?! it would be different if your daughter demanded fast food, but if she is cooking for herself you and your wife do need to get over yourselves.	yta and you had better be careful you don’t completely destroy your relationship with your daughter over something so petty. tell your wife to grow tf up.	yta. your daughter is right. she’s old enough to make her own decisions regarding food and it doesn’t sound like she’s eating unhealthily. your wife is taking it way too personally.	yta as that gift was not only from you but her mother as well. why is it such a big deal that she eat everything your wife cooks? sounds like something else is going on here. is your daughter a kind, thoughtful person to her stepmom? is your wife a kind and thoughtful person to your daughter?	yta. 16 is old enough to make decisions about food. your daughter was behaving like an adult by providing her own alternative. that your wife is offended is her own problem.	yta- it's not like your daughter was asking molly to cook something different. also your daughter has a right now to like something and it's self efficient enough to cook for herself. also molly is being too sensitive to this situation. also who gives thanksgiving gifts??	yta, clearly. your daughter doesn't like certain foods and unsurprisingly isn't going to start liking them just because molly cooks them. i don't like carrots, no matter how amazing the cook is, i'm not going to like carrots. i struggle to keep them down. so if i were to eat at your place and molly (chef of legends that she apparently is) makes a meal with carrots, would you boot me out for not eating the carrots that i can't keep down because i can't stomach them? no, of course you wouldn't. you wouldn't treat me like a piece of dirt on your boot heel so why are you treating your own daughter like that? molly can be hurt about the non-consumption of carrots all she wants, it makes her look bad and it makes you look worse. so much worse that you decided a punishment for your daugher because she doesn't like certain foods. do you want her to have an eating disorder? do you think denying a human sustenance and then taking gifts away from them is a good idea? are you running a home or a fecking nightmare prison? please suck less and apologise to your daugher and see her as a human being that has actual taste buds like all other humans do.	yta and are laying the foundation for your daughter to genuinely hate and resent molly. you already wrote that this is about molly feeling rejected and having her feelings hurt ...then molly went and changed her bs story to something more palatable like parental concern over your daughter not eating well enough. your daughter does eat your wife's cooking. she just doesn't eat it all the time. this is 100% about appeasing molly who is supposed to be an adult, rather than explaining to her that your daughter cooking on her own sometimes is perfectly normal, healthy and actually a sign of her being responsible at 16. but molly and you keep pressing the issue. have a gander at the 1000x's of posts on here about stepmother- stepchild relations. in the majority of cases the kids cut contact with their bio parent for prioritizing their relationship with the spouse over the kids. then you get "stepmom's not invited to graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren" etc. maybe consider if that's the route you want to take in future, missing all those milestones because your wife couldn't understand simple boundaries.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving. [/INST] yta. your in-laws had it spot on: >my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter** your daughter's done nothing to warrant having her gift taken away, but a+++ effort to your new wife for attempting to stick a wedge between you and your child (and a+++ effort to you for not noticing). </s>
AITA for not wanting my kids every weekend?	my ex husband and i share custody of our 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son. we have a 2-2-3 schedule which usually looks like i have the kids friday after school and then he gets them monday after school. i get them back wednesday after school and then he gets them friday after school and then the week flip flops. we've done this since our divorce 5 years ago and it works well. i'm a nurse in the or so i schedule my shifts for the days during the week when they are with their dad and my one call weekend every 6 weeks is a weekend they are with their dad. recently, the kids said they want to try splitting up on the weekends, so instead of both of them being with one us during the weekend, one will go with dad and one will be with me. my son said he would make sure he was with me on call weekends because he can stay by himself if i have to get called in or can hang out at the hospital until i'm done. my ex is on board with this because he says it will allow us to spend one on one time with the kids and will allow the kids a break from each other (they squabble occasionally and annoy one another). while they have a point- sometimes it is hard to not feel like you are disappointing one by trying to accommodate the other, i do not want to give up my free weekends. it took me a few months to get used to not having my kids all the time after the divorce but now my weekends without them are filled with activities or travel. my ex agreed if there was a weekend trip i wanted to take he would be fine having both the kids that weekend but i honestly don't want to have to take his schedule into consideration when planning my trips, and sometimes they are spontaneous trips. i was talking to my family about this at breakfast this morning and they are all kind of appalled by me not wanting to do this. my sister pointed out that if i was still married, then i wouldn't have all the child free time i have now and many mothers don't get a break from their kids like i do. my mom said she can't believe i'd deny my children quality time with their parents for selfish reasons like not wanting to give up my weekends. my sil seemed to understand where i was coming from but said that she would still do it and just incorporate the child into whatever i was doing and pointed out my daughter would love to go on the nyc shopping trip i had planned for december and my son would happily join me for my saturday morning spin classes. i considered that but my sil loves taking her kids everywhere so i don't know that she is aware of how nice it is to just be an adult without the responsibility of a child wherever you go. they were really making me feel like an asshole though. aita?	20,732	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dx7hty/aita_for_not_wanting_my_kids_every_weekend/	2019-11-16 14:25:28	yta- i know it feels great to have your time alone but you decided to have your kids and they need to feel loved by you. it is sad that you'd prefer to do things on your own and not have obligations. not gonna lie, it would make me really sad if my mom told me this. you just have to make do with the time that you do have and take into consideration your ex's schedule when planning stuff.	oh yta without a doubt and your family was being nice to you. like seriously you're treating and talking about your kids like they're some acquaintance. your sil offered you solutions , but because they care enough to bother to be around their kids you don't think they really count? and before people start insisting "you're forcing her life to be kid centered!" this literally isn't that, it's a fuckin weekend. grow up and actually be a mom and stop pretending your trips are more important.	yta. you are their mum, you made the choice to have them, whether or not you are separated from their dad you still have the responsibility of being a parent. you can't pick or choose when you want to be a parent	when you decided to have kids, you agreed to put them before yourself for at least the next 20 years or so. in the meantime you got a few years with free weekends, which i’m sure was nice once you got used to it - lucky you. so be grateful that you had that, and then be grateful that your kids still want to see you every weekend. listen to your ex-husband, your mom, your sister and your sil; they’re all right. yta. i love my kids, and i love my partner. and my favourite thing in the whole world is spending time with just one of them. any one, doesn’t matter which. and you get to do that for a whole weekend!! it’s a real shame you don’t realise how lucky you are. get this right and you will become so unbelievably close to them. miss out on it and i don’t doubt you will regret it one day.	yta- your kids clearly feel they are having too much moving and change. they clearly want to spend more quality time with you and your son has even considered your rota!	i'm sorry yta. i get it, i've got kids and free time without them is awesome. but you don't get to prioritise your free time over theirs. when your kids are 15+ youll have all the free time you want, they won't want to hang out with you, they can be left home alone etc. but now, when they're still young but old enough to be social with you, you should be including them and enjoying or at least trying to enjoy the time you have with them. if you think they can't tell what a burden they are to you, you're mistaken. please show your children with your actions that they are the most important people in the world to you.	yta you literally know why this would be good for them, they want this change, and you don't care because 'muh trips'. selfish.	nah for wanting to keep the schedule as is, but you would be ta if you refused to make some revisions to give the kids 1:1 time with each parent or compromise at all because putting your desires ahead of everyone else's would be selfishness. like why not suggest that the kids do two weekends apart and then two weekends together (m-d, d-m, m-m, d-d)? then you would still have one free weekend and they would get the time they need. find a new balance.	100% yta. you chose to have kids and wether you want to give up your weekends or not, that’s what being a good parent is about. involve your kids and appreciate that they actually want to be involved in your life.	yta. your sister is right, this is a privilege that you have, not a right - and your kids should come first. if you were still married this wouldn’t even be an option for you. you’re just going to have to plan in advance and take your kids into consideration like most parents have to. your kids won’t be this age forever and you don’t know how long the split weekends will last so just go with it, eventually you will get your free time back. this is what you signed up for when you had kids.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex husband and i share custody of our 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son. we have a 2-2-3 schedule which usually looks like i have the kids friday after school and then he gets them monday after school. i get them back wednesday after school and then he gets them friday after school and then the week flip flops. we've done this since our divorce 5 years ago and it works well. i'm a nurse in the or so i schedule my shifts for the days during the week when they are with their dad and my one call weekend every 6 weeks is a weekend they are with their dad. recently, the kids said they want to try splitting up on the weekends, so instead of both of them being with one us during the weekend, one will go with dad and one will be with me. my son said he would make sure he was with me on call weekends because he can stay by himself if i have to get called in or can hang out at the hospital until i'm done. my ex is on board with this because he says it will allow us to spend one on one time with the kids and will allow the kids a break from each other (they squabble occasionally and annoy one another). while they have a point- sometimes it is hard to not feel like you are disappointing one by trying to accommodate the other, i do not want to give up my free weekends. it took me a few months to get used to not having my kids all the time after the divorce but now my weekends without them are filled with activities or travel. my ex agreed if there was a weekend trip i wanted to take he would be fine having both the kids that weekend but i honestly don't want to have to take his schedule into consideration when planning my trips, and sometimes they are spontaneous trips. i was talking to my family about this at breakfast this morning and they are all kind of appalled by me not wanting to do this. my sister pointed out that if i was still married, then i wouldn't have all the child free time i have now and many mothers don't get a break from their kids like i do. my mom said she can't believe i'd deny my children quality time with their parents for selfish reasons like not wanting to give up my weekends. my sil seemed to understand where i was coming from but said that she would still do it and just incorporate the child into whatever i was doing and pointed out my daughter would love to go on the nyc shopping trip i had planned for december and my son would happily join me for my saturday morning spin classes. i considered that but my sil loves taking her kids everywhere so i don't know that she is aware of how nice it is to just be an adult without the responsibility of a child wherever you go. they were really making me feel like an asshole though. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my ex husband and i share custody of our 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son. we have a 2-2-3 schedule which usually looks like i have the kids friday after school and then he gets them monday after school. i get them back wednesday after school and then he gets them friday after school and then the week flip flops. we've done this since our divorce 5 years ago and it works well. i'm a nurse in the or so i schedule my shifts for the days during the week when they are with their dad and my one call weekend every 6 weeks is a weekend they are with their dad. recently, the kids said they want to try splitting up on the weekends, so instead of both of them being with one us during the weekend, one will go with dad and one will be with me. my son said he would make sure he was with me on call weekends because he can stay by himself if i have to get called in or can hang out at the hospital until i'm done. my ex is on board with this because he says it will allow us to spend one on one time with the kids and will allow the kids a break from each other (they squabble occasionally and annoy one another). while they have a point- sometimes it is hard to not feel like you are disappointing one by trying to accommodate the other, i do not want to give up my free weekends. it took me a few months to get used to not having my kids all the time after the divorce but now my weekends without them are filled with activities or travel. my ex agreed if there was a weekend trip i wanted to take he would be fine having both the kids that weekend but i honestly don't want to have to take his schedule into consideration when planning my trips, and sometimes they are spontaneous trips. i was talking to my family about this at breakfast this morning and they are all kind of appalled by me not wanting to do this. my sister pointed out that if i was still married, then i wouldn't have all the child free time i have now and many mothers don't get a break from their kids like i do. my mom said she can't believe i'd deny my children quality time with their parents for selfish reasons like not wanting to give up my weekends. my sil seemed to understand where i was coming from but said that she would still do it and just incorporate the child into whatever i was doing and pointed out my daughter would love to go on the nyc shopping trip i had planned for december and my son would happily join me for my saturday morning spin classes. i considered that but my sil loves taking her kids everywhere so i don't know that she is aware of how nice it is to just be an adult without the responsibility of a child wherever you go. they were really making me feel like an asshole though. aita? [/INST] yta- i know it feels great to have your time alone but you decided to have your kids and they need to feel loved by you. it is sad that you'd prefer to do things on your own and not have obligations. not gonna lie, it would make me really sad if my mom told me this. you just have to make do with the time that you do have and take into consideration your ex's schedule when planning stuff. </s>
AITA for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight?	aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.	25,078	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxfsmw/aita_for_ignoring_an_autistic_guy_on_my_flight/	2022-05-25 12:01:14	nta. dude was creepy.	no, you shouldn’t have been nicer to him. you should have been more firm from the start. “i don’t want to talk.” “stop talking to me.” “stop talking or i will call the flight attendants to let them you know you’re harassing me.” now is the time to learn to stand up for yourself. men will get mad about it. too bad for them. nta	nta - and i feel the need to correct you: he claimed he has autism. many people throw this word around just to avoid taking responsibility for their shitty behavior. taking his statement about him being a "nice guy" into consideration, he probably wanted pity-points to have it easier to flirt and trample over your boundaries with the excuse of having the condition.	nta: someone with autism who is high functioning enough to fly unaccompanied, is able to understand a social boundary when it is explicitly pointed out to them.	nta. i’m autistic and honestly the last plane trip some non-autistic guy was doing the same thing to me. except he kept touching me too!!!! literally touching me…. urghhhhh i didn’t think to ask about moving. will do that next time.	nta, not even close. being neurodivergent doesn’t entitle someone to your time, or your attention, nor does it entitle them to harass you.	omg what nta nta nta! this sounds like a nightmare combination of being trapped on a plane with someone who is an autistic (possibly difficult to deal with, depending on the situation) incel (straight up scary). “why can’t women understand not all men are bad”?????? holy crap. red flag red flag red flag! i’m soooooo glad you asked to be moved. it would have been nta before that part (because autistic or not, you don’t owe anyone more of your time or energy or attention. if you didn’t want to talk, then you didn’t want to talk period end of story. him being autistic does not trump your personal boundaries) but after that part? hell no! omg i’m so sorry this happened to you. literally seems like a nightmare.	he started by telling you he is autistic so he could be excused for bad behavior. being neurodivergent is not an excuse for behaving as he did. when he lost his shit at you, he showed the real reason why he continued to bother you. he made it into a woman hating incel issue with the nice guy comment. his expectation was that you would follow his script. nta	nta. autism doesn't justify that. he was creepy regardless. the "nice guy" thing was everything i needed to know. i would have had way less patience.	nta. you were nice. you asked him politely. he didn't listen. so instead of wasting your breath, you did the next best thing and that was to ignore him. it's not your fault that he had a breakdown.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do. [/INST] nta. dude was creepy. </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend that she needs to start hitting the gym?	my girlfriend has been kind of down lately about her appearance. she has been feeling fat and groggy and complains about this to me almost every day. it's starting to take a toll on her and i think she is starting to hate how she looks and feels. i usually just listen to her and assure her that she's beautiful but i can tell that her self esteem is starting to be affected. she doesn't really work out and i work out a lot. if the point of working out was to just look good, she wouldn't need it because i think her body is beautiful even without it. but working out always makes me feel better about myself. i suggested she can come with me to the gym one day and we can work out together because it might make her feel better. she started hurling insults at me and told me she couldn't believe i called her fat. i tried to explain that she's not fat and that i'm not asking her to go to change her body in any way, but just because its healthy and can make her feel good. she continued to throw choice words at me and call me the worst bf ever and hasn't spoken to me in a day. aita?	4,313	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ik0uf6/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_she_needs_to/	2020-08-31 16:09:05	info: did you tell her she “needs to start hitting the gym” or did you “suggest she come with [you] to the gym one day”?	can't give proper judgement here, as a girl i think she was just trying to get you to be extra supportive about her body in a time where she felt a bit insecure but she went about it wrong. also wording is everything so i would need to hear exactly what you said down to the exact wording to know if you actually said something offensive.	i’m going to go with nah. i’ve been in a similar position to your gf feeling not great, self esteem down, etc. but just because going to the gym makes you feel better, might not make her feel better and the implication she received by your suggestion was you think she needs to workout/lose weight. a better idea might be to try to get her out of the house doing activities together - walking, bike rides, hikes, etc. getting outside and moving around together as a starting point to exercise and see if that sparks an interest in joining you at the gym in the future.	nta it’s unfair to constantly complain to someone about something and not expect them to eventually offer a solution. regular exercise has so many more benefits than just outward appearance. if this conversation happened the way you described it then it sounds like you were trying to be supportive	nta, you just tried to help her in a healthy way that has helped you feel confident. it’s not your fault she felt offended.	“exercise gives you endorphins. endorphins make you happy. happy people just don’t shoot their [boyfriends].”	i can’t really give you a judgment here.. i think your intentions were good, but first of all, she may just have wanted reassurance and comfort rather than practical advice. like if you had a rough day and were stuck in traffic and just wanted to vent to a friend and you said “it took me 30 minutes longer than usual to get home today because of the damn traffic” and they say “i’ll send you the traffic app i use, i haven’t been stuck in traffic since i got it, coming home was a breeze for me today”. it contains useful advice and an offer for help, but if that’s not what the person is looking for, it can come across as the friend saying “i’m smarter than you because i implemented this solution and rather than comfort you i wanted to highlight that”. even if that’s not what was intended, that’s how it can come across, and suggesting solutions when someone is looking for comfort instead can be tactless and insensitive. once you’ve comforted them, allowed them to vent, and they feel better, then you can bring up solutions. like “hey, you know what helps me when i feel this way?”. which brings us to the second reason i’m not able to give a judgement. wording. without knowing how you worded this suggestion, there’s really no way for me to know whether or not you were ta. your intentions were good, but intentions don’t mean much if the result is harmful. so info, i guess.	nta it seems like you went about it a good way through the health route. just reassure her and give her time, since her self esteem was already down she’s probably jumping to conclusions but may come around to the idea	nta. you invited her to join you at the gym in a supportive manner and she made negative assumptions and accusations without foundation.	in your latest post you were a girl who kicked out his boyfriend in the middle of the night. you already got into a same sex relationship? interesting.	INFO	null	NAH	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	0.056163	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend has been kind of down lately about her appearance. she has been feeling fat and groggy and complains about this to me almost every day. it's starting to take a toll on her and i think she is starting to hate how she looks and feels. i usually just listen to her and assure her that she's beautiful but i can tell that her self esteem is starting to be affected. she doesn't really work out and i work out a lot. if the point of working out was to just look good, she wouldn't need it because i think her body is beautiful even without it. but working out always makes me feel better about myself. i suggested she can come with me to the gym one day and we can work out together because it might make her feel better. she started hurling insults at me and told me she couldn't believe i called her fat. i tried to explain that she's not fat and that i'm not asking her to go to change her body in any way, but just because its healthy and can make her feel good. she continued to throw choice words at me and call me the worst bf ever and hasn't spoken to me in a day. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my girlfriend has been kind of down lately about her appearance. she has been feeling fat and groggy and complains about this to me almost every day. it's starting to take a toll on her and i think she is starting to hate how she looks and feels. i usually just listen to her and assure her that she's beautiful but i can tell that her self esteem is starting to be affected. she doesn't really work out and i work out a lot. if the point of working out was to just look good, she wouldn't need it because i think her body is beautiful even without it. but working out always makes me feel better about myself. i suggested she can come with me to the gym one day and we can work out together because it might make her feel better. she started hurling insults at me and told me she couldn't believe i called her fat. i tried to explain that she's not fat and that i'm not asking her to go to change her body in any way, but just because its healthy and can make her feel good. she continued to throw choice words at me and call me the worst bf ever and hasn't spoken to me in a day. aita? [/INST] info: did you tell her she “needs to start hitting the gym” or did you “suggest she come with [you] to the gym one day”? </s>
AITA my classmate claims I'm emotionally abusing my spouse.	so i'm in a very competitive grad school environment, which i generally like. it's been hard moving online, so some classmates of mine have been helping each other with tough subjects. i am pretty good in one particular class, so i help a few people with it. one girl, who i don't know very well, does not like my sense of humor at all. my husband and i are very jokey with each other and about our marriage. we've been together for years, and are very comfortable with each other. the really offensive jokes get saved for home, but sometimes mild ones make it out into public. for example, i joked about my husband being unable to cook and then said "the next husband i get is going to be a chef." a friend in the group chat was talking about getting married and asked us what mistakes we made with our wedding and i said "wrong groom". everyone knows i'm joking, my husband and i are very close. but every single time i make a mild joke about this my classmate, let's call her a, gets really offended. she feels the need to call me out on the group chat about how i'm so mean to my husband, how no one should think of their spouse as disposable, and that it's a gross thing for me to say. i usually let it go, she's younger than me and single so i write it off. but this last time we were talking about the difficulties of the transition and i said "well my husband is an essential worker, so i'm thankfully alone" which wasn't even a joke but it set her off to lecture me about how i "systematically devalue" my husband. i got very annoyed and finally told her that my husband is a grown man who doesn't need her to defend him, and that until she stops doing it i'm not going to help her with class work. this might be petty, but nearly every day she insinuates that i'm emotionally abusing my husband. edit to clarify two things: 1. this isn't a class group chat, just five of my friends and this girl who is friends with someone else. it's about school, but also about our lives in quarantine. 2. my husband gives it back just as good, and we both enjoy it. it did come up in premarital counseling (because we did it in a session) and our counselor thought it was fine if we both liked it.	2,010	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fxuhmh/aita_my_classmate_claims_im_emotionally_abusing/	2020-04-09 15:32:43	esh she needs to back off policing your relationship, but it would honestly make me uncomfortable to hear a peer consistently talk this way about their spouse, especially once they knew it made me uncomfortable. your husband isn't even hearing these comments so the "well, this is just how he and i are" thing doesn't fly.	esh. she can mind her own business. but if you're bringing a "game" you have with your husband into conversation with others, don't be shocked that they're gonna assume things or judge you. nobody there can fully get how you two delight in pretending to be unhappy with one another, so it probably brings up a lot of uncomfortable shit they might have regarding their own relationships or relationships of abusive people in their lives. you can easily remedy this by just making those jokes with your husband and don't make others the audience for your "fake marital displeasure" comedy routine.	"jokes" about how you hate your spouse are so hacky and overdone. yta for thinking this is comedy.	esh- your classmate does not need to insert herself into your business, but the way you talk about your husband really does suck. emotional abuse often does come with a smile in a joking form. why do you find the need to constantly verbalize these “jokes” about your husband?	info - really think about this, maybe even go through your messages. is this the only way you talk about your husband? is it all derogatory jokes? do you ever praise him, act proud of him, or talk about him in a positive way?	not going to judge this one, but it sounds awfully close to the "heh heh the ol' ball and chain" type jokes that you hear (espiecially older) men make in the office. it's not exactly clever or funny to anyone listening, and does imply a certain disdain for your spouse, especially to people who don't personally know the dynamics of your marriage.	yta. it's fine if you and your husband enjoy these jokes but they clearly make your classmate uncomfortable. so instead of just keeping them to yourself, you are cutting off your academic relationship with her. keep being classmates with her, which i assume includes working together, and save your jokes for another context.	mmmm i think esh. your classmate is getting involved unnecessarily, but making those kind of jokes without your husband does make it more likely for people to think that you legitimately don't like him. it's impossible to tell what a couple dynamic is without experiencing you together. so i think you should refrain from insulting him like that with your classmates.	nta, obviously. unless there are signs you are really abusive she needs to mind her own business. (and, yes, i would say it if the genders were reversed.) butttt, as someone with a similar sense of humor, that humor just doesn’t work with everyone. and part of integrating to more professional settings is not making people uncomfortable and forcing your humor on them. i’ve had to regulate myself a lot with quips. you have to read the room. it doesn’t amount to e s h for me. but i do think continuing to do this when you know full well that it makes her uncomfortable is skirting the line.	“wrong groom”? this is a joke? “i hate my husband. just kidding!”? if you were my wife, you would be single now. love should be reinforced and celebrated. your hateful words raise a lot of questions, but you’re acting so thoughtlessly i personally wouldn’t stick around long enough to hear the answers. yta	ESH	ESH	YTA	ESH	INFO	null	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	0.184676	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm in a very competitive grad school environment, which i generally like. it's been hard moving online, so some classmates of mine have been helping each other with tough subjects. i am pretty good in one particular class, so i help a few people with it. one girl, who i don't know very well, does not like my sense of humor at all. my husband and i are very jokey with each other and about our marriage. we've been together for years, and are very comfortable with each other. the really offensive jokes get saved for home, but sometimes mild ones make it out into public. for example, i joked about my husband being unable to cook and then said "the next husband i get is going to be a chef." a friend in the group chat was talking about getting married and asked us what mistakes we made with our wedding and i said "wrong groom". everyone knows i'm joking, my husband and i are very close. but every single time i make a mild joke about this my classmate, let's call her a, gets really offended. she feels the need to call me out on the group chat about how i'm so mean to my husband, how no one should think of their spouse as disposable, and that it's a gross thing for me to say. i usually let it go, she's younger than me and single so i write it off. but this last time we were talking about the difficulties of the transition and i said "well my husband is an essential worker, so i'm thankfully alone" which wasn't even a joke but it set her off to lecture me about how i "systematically devalue" my husband. i got very annoyed and finally told her that my husband is a grown man who doesn't need her to defend him, and that until she stops doing it i'm not going to help her with class work. this might be petty, but nearly every day she insinuates that i'm emotionally abusing my husband. edit to clarify two things: 1. this isn't a class group chat, just five of my friends and this girl who is friends with someone else. it's about school, but also about our lives in quarantine. 2. my husband gives it back just as good, and we both enjoy it. it did come up in premarital counseling (because we did it in a session) and our counselor thought it was fine if we both liked it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i'm in a very competitive grad school environment, which i generally like. it's been hard moving online, so some classmates of mine have been helping each other with tough subjects. i am pretty good in one particular class, so i help a few people with it. one girl, who i don't know very well, does not like my sense of humor at all. my husband and i are very jokey with each other and about our marriage. we've been together for years, and are very comfortable with each other. the really offensive jokes get saved for home, but sometimes mild ones make it out into public. for example, i joked about my husband being unable to cook and then said "the next husband i get is going to be a chef." a friend in the group chat was talking about getting married and asked us what mistakes we made with our wedding and i said "wrong groom". everyone knows i'm joking, my husband and i are very close. but every single time i make a mild joke about this my classmate, let's call her a, gets really offended. she feels the need to call me out on the group chat about how i'm so mean to my husband, how no one should think of their spouse as disposable, and that it's a gross thing for me to say. i usually let it go, she's younger than me and single so i write it off. but this last time we were talking about the difficulties of the transition and i said "well my husband is an essential worker, so i'm thankfully alone" which wasn't even a joke but it set her off to lecture me about how i "systematically devalue" my husband. i got very annoyed and finally told her that my husband is a grown man who doesn't need her to defend him, and that until she stops doing it i'm not going to help her with class work. this might be petty, but nearly every day she insinuates that i'm emotionally abusing my husband. edit to clarify two things: 1. this isn't a class group chat, just five of my friends and this girl who is friends with someone else. it's about school, but also about our lives in quarantine. 2. my husband gives it back just as good, and we both enjoy it. it did come up in premarital counseling (because we did it in a session) and our counselor thought it was fine if we both liked it. [/INST] esh she needs to back off policing your relationship, but it would honestly make me uncomfortable to hear a peer consistently talk this way about their spouse, especially once they knew* it made me uncomfortable. your husband isn't even hearing these comments so the "well, this is just how he and i are" thing doesn't fly. </s>
AITA for telling my wife WE are making our daughter, not her?	okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita?	15,828	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2kqov/aita_for_telling_my_wife_we_are_making_our/	2019-03-18 16:26:43	yta. you aren’t making shit. all you did was shoot a load into her. she’s the one dealing with an the body and hormonal changes. get over yourself. wow thanks for all the upvotes everyone. this is the first post i’ve had with more than a response or two definitely wasn’t expecting it.	yta. you provided half the material but her body is creating the human. it is literally growing and forming inside her body. not yours. she’s the one feeling the physical changes and not to mention emotional changes due to the physical changes. you are not experiencing any physical changes to your body. you are not carrying this child, you are not forming it inside of your body.	y t a hahahah hahahah hahahaha oh god. dude. you finished inside her. great job! man you sure are a trooper. she’s literally enduring one of the most difficult and straining things the human body can endure. she’s growing a human. she’s going to push that human through a hole in her in one of the most horrifically painful and traumatic experiences she will ever have in her life. that’s like you dropping a seed on the ground, then sitting there watching it while your wife waters it, tends to it, and then harvests all the fruit, and then you being proud of all the hard word you did. listen man, you’re having a kid! that’s great. i’m sure he/she is gonna be beautiful and gonna make you so happy. but now is not the time to have a dick measuring contest with you wife. she’s emotional, hormonal, tired, and is just amazed at what her body is going through.	yta you're getting really anal about the way things are termed and your logic doesn't even make sense: let's say we want to eat a meal together. if i buy half the ingredients and you buy half the ingredients, we have contributed 50/50 to the materials needed to make a meal. but then if i'm the one who cooks the meal, while you go off and do something else, only i have made the meal. similarly, your wife is the one currently making the baby. her body is the one nurturing and forming it. you've done your part by contributing half the genetic material. in short, shut the hell up, support your wife and marvel at the wonder of the life inside her.	i'm currently 8.5 months pregnant and i hate you so much right now	yta your part happened and finished 7 months ago in terms of “making” the baby. you are not growing the baby. your internal organs haven’t been pushed up into your chest due to the growth of the child. your body is not dealing with the hormone fluctuations and the weight gain. your body will not be the one dealing with the trauma of labour and birth in a few short months. your body will not be the one recovering for months/years from birthing your daughter. so yes, you’re an asshole for telling her that it’s “not just her.” because it is.	yta. > i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. that's not even close to what she said. she said she's making a human being. which is exactly what she's doing. she didn't say "i'm making a human being *and you're not*." she didn't say "you didn't contribute anything." she didn't say anything at all about you, so i'm having a hard time what you're getting so upset about. quit being so sensitive and technical and just enjoy the wonders of becoming a parent.	yta 100%. you had an orgasm. good for you! she made an egg. even so far i guess. but now she is literally growing a human inside her body. this is not a team effort. no matter how supportive you are, unless you’re literally cooking up a fetal liver in your abdominal cavity that will be added to the final product, you are not making your daughter.	yta. i concur with what everyone else is saying, but i'm also concerned that you might have trouble when things aren't about you or when you don't get your due credit. that is what worries me more for your wife. are your going to need validation every time you give your daughter a bath or change her diaper? you are so adamant that this is a team effort; don't forget that part when your wife has to feed her or if she's bearing most of the chore load.	you are such the asshole. jesus dude. unless and until you use your own blood, tissues and bones to physically, 24/7 manufacture a baby, get the fuck over yourself pronto. you're half the blue prints, not the construction crew.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita? [/INST] yta. you aren’t making shit. all you did was shoot a load into her. she’s the one dealing with an the body and hormonal changes. get over yourself. wow thanks for all the upvotes everyone. this is the first post i’ve had with more than a response or two definitely wasn’t expecting it. </s>
AITA for telling my sister nobody was interested in her PhD research?	my sister (34f) and i (31f) come from a working class family. nobody in our family has higher than a high school education, save for us. i have a bachelors and my sister is currently working on her phd. obviously, we’re both proud of this, but my sister often brags to an extent that many in our family find uncomfortable or discouraging and she talks down to the people around her. when she began her program, she explained it in very technical terms that confused our aunt. when she was asked to clarify, my sister made a fuss about how it was so easy for her to understand and she forgets that not everyone can wrap their heads around it. it’s been an issue since she started her masters and i’ve admittedly been at my wits end with her for quite a while. i hosted thanksgiving this year. when we were eating, my sister was asked about her research and she went on a long, complicated spiel about her work. she was missing context, pulling out every ten cent word, getting super technical, and under-explaining every concept. she talked for about ten minutes straight, barely pausing for questions or comments. it dominated conversation. eventually, i interrupted her and tried asking our dad about his work. my sister interrupted him and said she wasn’t finished, then continued talking. i told her i was finished listening to her and that she could talk all she wanted, but she’d need to do it in another room. she made some comments about my hosting and continued on. i stopped her again and told her that nobody was interested and she needed to be quiet, which she did. it was, admittedly, extremely awkward and quiet and my husband decided to just plow on and make conversation with an aunt of mine. after that, conversation carried on as usual with my sister being very, very quiet. afterwards, our parents scolded me for being rude but said my sister was being over the top, but i should’ve just let her talk. a few of our other relatives thanked me for cutting her off. her fiancé called me yesterday morning and said i embarrassed my sister and made her feel ashamed. he implied i was jealous of her success and asked me to formally apologize to her. i said i’d apologize to her but i wouldn’t mean it and he hung up on me. i’ve thought it over and i can see how my approach was wrong, but i genuinely did not see any other option at the time. always willing to learn, though, and seeking a new perspective. aita for telling my sister nobody was interested in her phd research?	4,606	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z820qk/aita_for_telling_my_sister_nobody_was_interested/	2022-11-29 18:34:38	esh your sister: needs to know how to explain her doctoral work to a lay audience if she has any hope of passing her dissertation committee. she also needs to learn how to craft an elevator sentence. she also needs to learn how to take a hint gracefully. you: need to stop being jealous of her success. conscious of it or not, jealousy and resentment oozes out of this entire post. regardless of how long she droned on and how rude it was of her to stop you from talking with your dad, the general core of this post isn't really centered on that but your overall world view on her academic career.	esh sis needs to learn to temper her enthusiasm for her field of study. it’s great she’s so excited about her phd work, but she needs to learn which level of explanation is appropriate for which groups of people. op needs to learn how to redirect a conversation without being an ah about it. especially if you are the host, then you are responsible for all of your guests feeling welcome and respected in your home.	nta. monologuing at a large family gathering is spectacularly rude. after she was cut off she should have realized she exhausted her time. she is not even trying to have a meaningful conversation. she is just showing off. gross behavior.	nta. you may have embarrassed her, but what do you think she was trying to do to everyone at the table? she wanted to feel superior, she wanted everyone to feel embarrassed and dumb. i’m glad you interrupted her. it’s rude to dominate the conversation like that, especially when no one else knows what you’re even talking about.	nta , i've got a phd in immunology and when asked to talk about my subject i doubled down if they really wanted to know and then i started by asking where they were in biology and about the immune system. actually thanks to ma family and friends i learned to simplify my subject and it helped me tutor middle schoolers for a project. i understand that your sister wants to talk about her work, but she doesn't have to do it in a demeaning way to others.	esh - yeah i get that your sister was dominating the conversation and obviously wants to be the smartest person in the room, but you were kind of rude. if how she conducts herself at family events is a problem then the time to discuss it isn't at the dinner table in front of everyone.	nta sister needs to learn how to read a room. book smart does not equal common sense.	nta all but one person in the room (the speaker) was annoyed; that justifies shutting it down.	clearly someone was interested in your sister's research, because they asked the question. so yes, yta. i'll agree with you that she needs to be better at explaining what she does. that's generally a perspective that people develop with time - i know a lot of students who are awful at explaining what they do even to people who are experts in the field.	nta. if you don't know your subject matter well enough to explain it to a 1st grader, you don't know it well enough.	ESH	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.341285	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (34f) and i (31f) come from a working class family. nobody in our family has higher than a high school education, save for us. i have a bachelors and my sister is currently working on her phd. obviously, we’re both proud of this, but my sister often brags to an extent that many in our family find uncomfortable or discouraging and she talks down to the people around her. when she began her program, she explained it in very technical terms that confused our aunt. when she was asked to clarify, my sister made a fuss about how it was so easy for her to understand and she forgets that not everyone can wrap their heads around it. it’s been an issue since she started her masters and i’ve admittedly been at my wits end with her for quite a while. i hosted thanksgiving this year. when we were eating, my sister was asked about her research and she went on a long, complicated spiel about her work. she was missing context, pulling out every ten cent word, getting super technical, and under-explaining every concept. she talked for about ten minutes straight, barely pausing for questions or comments. it dominated conversation. eventually, i interrupted her and tried asking our dad about his work. my sister interrupted him and said she wasn’t finished, then continued talking. i told her i was finished listening to her and that she could talk all she wanted, but she’d need to do it in another room. she made some comments about my hosting and continued on. i stopped her again and told her that nobody was interested and she needed to be quiet, which she did. it was, admittedly, extremely awkward and quiet and my husband decided to just plow on and make conversation with an aunt of mine. after that, conversation carried on as usual with my sister being very, very quiet. afterwards, our parents scolded me for being rude but said my sister was* being over the top, but i should’ve just let her talk. a few of our other relatives thanked me for cutting her off. her fiancé called me yesterday morning and said i embarrassed my sister and made her feel ashamed. he implied i was jealous of her success and asked me to formally apologize to her. i said i’d apologize to her but i wouldn’t mean it and he hung up on me. i’ve thought it over and i can see how my approach was wrong, but i genuinely did not see any other option at the time. always willing to learn, though, and seeking a new perspective. aita for telling my sister nobody was interested in her phd research?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister (34f) and i (31f) come from a working class family. nobody in our family has higher than a high school education, save for us. i have a bachelors and my sister is currently working on her phd. obviously, we’re both proud of this, but my sister often brags to an extent that many in our family find uncomfortable or discouraging and she talks down to the people around her. when she began her program, she explained it in very technical terms that confused our aunt. when she was asked to clarify, my sister made a fuss about how it was so easy for her to understand and she forgets that not everyone can wrap their heads around it. it’s been an issue since she started her masters and i’ve admittedly been at my wits end with her for quite a while. i hosted thanksgiving this year. when we were eating, my sister was asked about her research and she went on a long, complicated spiel about her work. she was missing context, pulling out every ten cent word, getting super technical, and under-explaining every concept. she talked for about ten minutes straight, barely pausing for questions or comments. it dominated conversation. eventually, i interrupted her and tried asking our dad about his work. my sister interrupted him and said she wasn’t finished, then continued talking. i told her i was finished listening to her and that she could talk all she wanted, but she’d need to do it in another room. she made some comments about my hosting and continued on. i stopped her again and told her that nobody was interested and she needed to be quiet, which she did. it was, admittedly, extremely awkward and quiet and my husband decided to just plow on and make conversation with an aunt of mine. after that, conversation carried on as usual with my sister being very, very quiet. afterwards, our parents scolded me for being rude but said my sister was* being over the top, but i should’ve just let her talk. a few of our other relatives thanked me for cutting her off. her fiancé called me yesterday morning and said i embarrassed my sister and made her feel ashamed. he implied i was jealous of her success and asked me to formally apologize to her. i said i’d apologize to her but i wouldn’t mean it and he hung up on me. i’ve thought it over and i can see how my approach was wrong, but i genuinely did not see any other option at the time. always willing to learn, though, and seeking a new perspective. aita for telling my sister nobody was interested in her phd research? [/INST] esh your sister: needs to know how to explain her doctoral work to a lay audience if she has any hope of passing her dissertation committee. she also needs to learn how to craft an elevator sentence. she also needs to learn how to take a hint gracefully. you: need to stop being jealous of her success. conscious of it or not, jealousy and resentment oozes out of this entire post. regardless of how long she droned on and how rude it was of her to stop you from talking with your dad, the general core of this post isn't really centered on that but your overall world view on her academic career. </s>
AITA for making my late wife’s daughter move out so I can date in peace?	my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else.	10,527	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/khvmzl/aita_for_making_my_late_wifes_daughter_move_out/	2020-12-22 02:00:47	yta - wow, this is every dying parents’ nightmare.	nta - if i am reading this correctly, you and beth's mother were involved for years but did not marry it live together until she became ill. you were not a pivotal figure in beth's life. you don't consider her a daughter and you don't believe she considers your a father figure. when your deceased wife got ill, you and she married - in part so you could support her. she and beth moved into your home - that you already owned. about a year later, your wife passed away. beth was almost 18 at the time. after your wife passed away, and beth stayed living with you for the next year. you are now ready to date again - and it has been a year and beth resents this. you do not want beth to continue to live with you. you supported your wife when she needed you. you helped beth for over a year. you have done more than could have been reasonably been asked.	> final response: after this blew up overnight, even though the top comment says yta, it seems everyone who actually read all the details has affirmed my view. i feel much better about my decision. thank you everybody. you came to a subreddit seeking judgement, have received said judgement, and are now choosing to ignore your judgement because it isn't what you wanted to hear. yeah, that's not how it works. you can jam your fingers in your ears and scream "lalalala" all you want, but yta.	yta. she's not your late wife's daughter, she's your stepdaughter.	yta - it doesn’t sound like you’re being sensitive to the fact that she lost her mother. you don’t have to let her live with you, but you’ve also known her since she was 9, so i’m surprised she’s not like a daughter to you. it’s unfair for her to make you feel uncomfortable in your house but she’s relatively young and is probably hurt that you’d move on (quicker than her)	i'm going with nta, this sub is bloody wild and inconsistent. why is it ok for step-children (whose parents spouses have played an active role in their upbringing from an early age) to decide that person, is not their parent and they want nothing to do with them. yet when somebody who has not even played an active role in raising this child, didn't even live with them until they were 18 (an adult by many standards) decides they aren't going to deal with being treated like crap in their own home, people are trigger happy with y-t-a? just because this adult's mother died a year ago, op is now obligated to parent, house and feed an ungrateful adult?	what exactly was your relationship with your wife? the way you describe your relationship with her and beth, it feels like you just casually dated this woman until she got sick. your insistence that beth means essentially nothing to you is just sad. you're entitled to want to move on, but it seems like you ignored that beth lost her mom. she doesn't have anyone left, and she wants to hold on to the little stability it has. i'm not saying it excuses her behavior, but you aren't exactly in the clear here.	so you've made up your mind (which let's be honest, you did before you asked- you really just wanted validation). you know, some people (particularly very young people) lash out when they are hurt and/or grieving. she's hurt. she feels that you are trying to replace her mom. and you respond by throwing her out. during a pandemic. great that you're giving her five months, but is she equipped for that? as mentioned, there's a pandemic. maybe your response should be making sure that her emotional needs are being met. for starter, is she in therapy? i say yta but i think you should ask yourself if your ex-wife would think you're the asshole.	so...does beth have a place to go, or money to live on after you kick her out? if not, yta. you were with her mother 10 years. the least you could do would be to let her daughter have a place to rest her head until she graduates. if you don’t like the attitude set some boundaries but be decent, for god’s sake	yta what would your dead wife have to say about all of this?	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.164243	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else. [/INST] yta - wow, this is every dying parents’ nightmare. </s>
AITA for 100% refusing to let my dad/mom see my child for something done 10-15 years ago? /Petty	ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons -i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this. -i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23 -dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j. -argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time. -i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times. -today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad	30,632	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/daxa38/aita_for_100_refusing_to_let_my_dadmom_see_my/	2019-09-29 16:18:47	nta. two things; 23 isn't too far away from 20. holy shit. i feel like your parents just used that excuse as a way to control you. it's manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates. you have every right to be angry. you have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't. if i were you, i'd tell your brother that this is your kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained.	nta - if your parents want to reconcile they can reach out themselves, rather than sending a messenger. they owe you a massive apology. you're not the one that's "dying on this hill," they're the ones that haven't made ammends for their actions. they made a huge, life altering mistake, and just because they regret it now doesn't mean they don't have to take responsibility for it.	nta. they kicked you out, and they don't even the decency to start up the reconnecting. they used your brother as a pawn because they know you still like him	nta they kicked you out for dating a guy three years older than you, which imo is absurd. it sounds more like they wanted to control you and when they couldn’t they kicked you to the curb. since then it doesn’t sound like they have reached out and tried to make amends at all. instead your brother is giving you a guilt trip about it. what have they done that suggests they deserve a second chance?	nta, but don't alienate your brother over this. he's in a difficult position. it's up to you whether you want to reconcile with your parents. it doesn't sound like they're actually sorry at this point, your brother just wants everyone to get along, which is understandable.	let me make sure i have this right: parents disapprove of your relationship and disown you over it and now want to be grandparents to the child that resulted from the same relationship they disowned you over? that about right? nta, disownment goes both ways.	esh. except your bro. and i'm going with you're the a-hole mostly for telling your brother that he can leave your life too. he's just trying to get his family to get along again. he's trying to be a diplomat in a stand off. you don't need to forgive your parents or anything (over a 3 year age gap????) but you should apologize to your brother.	nta/info, but i may have a slightly different perspective. one of the most important things to remember about toxic relationships is that past behavior is the best predictor. the one thing missing from your post is a continuous string of ultra controlling behavior. you said you never had any issues before this. what may have happened is they put their foot down when they shouldn't have, you called their bluff, and everything else has been downhill consequences. everyone in the comments is saying: "fuck them! they are controlling toxic people!" i don't see that. i see them making a single, heavy handed controlling move, and everything exploded from that. i don't know how much contact you allowed since that. i don't get a sense if they reached out over the years but it was still too raw for you. that's understandable, but it's different from careless tyrants who emotionally scarred you for 18 years. that's not what your parents sound like. this sounds like it may actually just be one momentous moment that has fed back on itself for a decade between two parties. people can disagree with me, but i think if you have prevented communication with them over this time, then you have also prevented the ability to mend the relationship. i used to hold white-hot grudges with people who had wronged me. i enjoyed the validation, and it allowed me to seethe on it and feel justified in continuing to refuse contact. i finally let go of that and realized there were definitely two camps of people. camp 1 were the people who continuously failed me at every turn, and could easily and accurately be predicted to do the shitty thing at every turn. camp 2 people usually involved one particular event that was a failure on their part. it's the camp 2 people that you should open bridges to, i promise you will always feel better. if you think that your situation with your parents is a camp 2 situation (i don't know what all the missing info is here), then i would take this opportunity to extend a bridge. if they are camp 1, then yes, i agree with everyone else here, do what you can to maintain and build a healthy relationship with your brother but make it clear that there's no room for your parents.	nta have they even ever checked on you? have they offered any support of any kind? if they can’t parent appropriately they don’t deserve the gift of being grandparents which is a far easier gig and they will be able to exert control via your daughter.	info i feel like you didn't explain this whole situation adequately. there is a big gap between "i lived with my parents until i was 20 and always got along with them fine" and then "i haven't talked to my parents over the multiple years since and had a child without telling them". what the hell happened? most people i knew who got in similarly heated arguments with their parents and they slept somewhere else for the night, they talk the next day and come to some sort of truce. what the hell happened? were both you and your parents stubborn and nobody tried to reach out and it just went on for years? or was maybe your mom trying to reach out and you were ignoring her? there is also the point that, sure your dad wants you to do what he thinks is best for you while he's paying for you, but once he's not paying for you anymore, does he still think he has standing to tell you what to do? too many suspicious gaps in this story to cast judgment. the way the post was written does't exclude the possibility the the parents had reached out over the years and the op had been ignoring them, which could potentially make her the asshole.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons -i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this. -i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23 -dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j. -argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time. -i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times. -today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons -i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this. -i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23 -dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j. -argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time. -i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times. -today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad [/INST] nta. two things; 23 isn't too far away from 20. holy shit. i feel like your parents just used that excuse as a way to control you. it's manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates. you have every right to be angry. you have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't. if i were you, i'd tell your brother that this is your kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained. </s>
AITA for not wanting to donate sperm to my (sterile) identical twin brother’s wife?	my brother, who i have a very strong bond and good relationship with, has been trying for years to get his wife pregnant, all to no avail. it’s believed that he’s sterile, and this saddens him (and me) very greatly. a while ago, they accepted that he is unlikely to ever have biological children, and began looking for a sperm donor. but just recently, they posed a new, unconventional idea to me - that i be the donor. asking your brother to donate sperm for you might be an odd or even inappropriate request in most circumstances, but ours is a unique one - we are identical twins. we share 100% identical dna, and thus any child born of my sperm would be related to my brother every bit as much as his own child from his own sperm would. this would not be the case with regular brothers, where the baby would be related as a nephew/niece to him. and because of this, the child wouldn’t find out about the “donation” from one of those home dna tests so many people are taking now - my brother and i both would show up as the father on any dna test because of our identical dna. my brother views having an identical twin as a great stroke of luck in this situation, and an opportunity to be able to have his own children after all. despite his enthusiasm, i’m not so sure about the whole thing. i haven’t officially declined; i just told him that “i’ll think about it.” i’m married, and just think the whole thing seems a bit weird and “off”. aita for not thinking about my brother’s need first and foremost? &#x200b;	4,594	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blxld4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_donate_sperm_to_my/	2019-05-07 23:01:52	nah your body your choice. would it be insanely convenient? sure but that doesn’t mean you have to do anything you don’t want to.	nah but i'd really think about if you really want to not do this for your brother. i can't imagine not being willing to help out if my sibling was in a similar situation. &#x200b;	nah ultimately, it's your choice. i do hope you decide to help him out though.	nah - he’s allowed to ask, you are allowed to decline. however, i don’t think it’s a terrible idea. my husband’s father actually donated spermatozoon to his brother and wife, so my husband’s first cousins are technically his half siblings, and they aren’t even twins. nothing is weird as a family at all. in fact, one of his cousins/half-brother passed away unexpectedly at our a home a few years ago. his father, my husband’s uncle, had a special thank you for his brother (husband’s father) at the funeral. he was so grateful to have the opportunity to even have his son. he also found comfort knowing his son passed with family. sorry... that was a weird side story lol. anyway, do as you please, but i think it would be sweet and less weird than you think.	i mean nah logically. your body your choice but why don’t you just do it? there’s no downsides	nah. are you certain that you don't share the same medical issue as your brother? something that you may want to consider, if you haven't already.	info: are you sure the infertility issues your brother is having you don't have as well?	nah- it’s your sperm. you can absolutely say no. though i am curious why you’d want to say no. do you think they’d be bad parents? does your partner have a problem with it?	nah. your brother isn't really forcing you to do it, so therefore, no assholes here.	nah. it's perfectly fine if you don't want to do it. i wouldn't say it's an odd or inappropriate request either.	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	INFO	NAH	NAH	NAH	0.045375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother, who i have a very strong bond and good relationship with, has been trying for years to get his wife pregnant, all to no avail. it’s believed that he’s sterile, and this saddens him (and me) very greatly. a while ago, they accepted that he is unlikely to ever have biological children, and began looking for a sperm donor. but just recently, they posed a new, unconventional idea to me - that i be the donor. asking your brother to donate sperm for you might be an odd or even inappropriate request in most circumstances, but ours is a unique one - we are identical twins. we share 100% identical dna, and thus any child born of my sperm would be related to my brother every bit as much** as his own child from his own sperm would. this would not be the case with regular brothers, where the baby would be related as a nephew/niece to him. and because of this, the child wouldn’t find out about the “donation” from one of those home dna tests so many people are taking now - my brother and i both would show up as the father on any dna test because of our identical dna. my brother views having an identical twin as a great stroke of luck in this situation, and an opportunity to be able to have his own children after all. despite his enthusiasm, i’m not so sure about the whole thing. i haven’t officially declined; i just told him that “i’ll think about it.” i’m married, and just think the whole thing seems a bit weird and “off”. aita for not thinking about my brother’s need first and foremost? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my brother, who i have a very strong bond and good relationship with, has been trying for years to get his wife pregnant, all to no avail. it’s believed that he’s sterile, and this saddens him (and me) very greatly. a while ago, they accepted that he is unlikely to ever have biological children, and began looking for a sperm donor. but just recently, they posed a new, unconventional idea to me - that i be the donor. asking your brother to donate sperm for you might be an odd or even inappropriate request in most circumstances, but ours is a unique one - we are identical twins. we share 100% identical dna, and thus any child born of my sperm would be related to my brother every bit as much** as his own child from his own sperm would. this would not be the case with regular brothers, where the baby would be related as a nephew/niece to him. and because of this, the child wouldn’t find out about the “donation” from one of those home dna tests so many people are taking now - my brother and i both would show up as the father on any dna test because of our identical dna. my brother views having an identical twin as a great stroke of luck in this situation, and an opportunity to be able to have his own children after all. despite his enthusiasm, i’m not so sure about the whole thing. i haven’t officially declined; i just told him that “i’ll think about it.” i’m married, and just think the whole thing seems a bit weird and “off”. aita for not thinking about my brother’s need first and foremost? &#x200b; [/INST] nah your body your choice. would it be insanely convenient? sure but that doesn’t mean you have to do anything you don’t want to. </s>
AITA for telling a girl that I’m not attracted to her beacause of her appearance?	yesterday, i (24m) attended a party. there were many of my old friends there. one of the girls, 25?, was someone who i was close to growing up but lost contact with after. the two of us reconnected and talked. she was drinking a bit, although i didn’t. later on, she was doing things like putting her arm around me, holding my hand, etc, which i stopped because i have a girlfriend and i told her so. then, she asked, “if you weren’t taken, i bet we’d be together right now.” it was a bold thing for her to say and i guess it must have been the alcohol talking. i just responded, “nah don’t think so.” she was offended and asked me why. i just said “you’re not my type”. she asked me why she wasn’t my type, and i was tired of her bugging me, so i said, “you’re just not what i’m attracted to.” she got mad at me. she said, “oh i get it, you’re attracted to coked up skeletons like your girlfriend.” referring to the fact that my girlfriend is tall and skinny. i got defensive and said, “well im not attracted to fat basic bitches like you.” granted, she’s not even fat, just thick/chunky. but she does overdo the spray tan and she looks like every basic girl ever. i guess a lot of guys are after that look but not me. she called me a cunt and later her friends found her in the bathroom crying. people are villifying me but she practically pushed me to it, especially insulting my girlfriend like that. i stand by what i said though, and she should know that her words have consequences. aita?	10,895	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bo3ajf/aita_for_telling_a_girl_that_im_not_attracted_to/	2019-05-13 13:12:03	esh. she obviously is an asshole, even if she was drunk. you are also an asshole. not for rejecting her, but for the way you did it.	nta. why do her feelings have to be protected but yours don't?	nta. you tried to let her down easy, she kept prying, you told her once more as nicely as possible you weren't interested and she insulted your girlfriend and you reacted. i suppose you could have responded better, but she fuckin insulted your gf in a pretty derogatory manner, so fuck her.	nta.. this thread should be renamed to “you have to act holy and perfect 100% of the time.” she grossly insulted your girlfriend while unrighteously on her high horse, she deserved every bit of your response!	nta -the hell is going on in the comments here? this girl kept trying to touch and grab him, despite him telling her “no, i have a girlfriend”, then begins to hurl verbal abuse about someone he cares about just because he wasn’t responding to her advances? and he’s the asshole for catching what she was throwing and whipping it right back at her? he politely told her no, not interested, multiple times and she responds with a nasty insult. nope. sorry. she was being aggressive and rude. what goes around comes around.	nta, play stupid games win stupid prizes.	nta she pushed and got her answer.	nta, you only responded in kind to everything she said. you were polite until she insulted your girlfriend, and at that point you were justified in being rude in return.	nta, what’s the point in taking the high road when you already tried to avoid saying it. lmao coked up skeleton is pretty funny tho.	honestly, this sub reddit so fucking soft. if someone insulting someone close to me i’m gonna roast them. definitely nta	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: yesterday, i (24m) attended a party. there were many of my old friends there. one of the girls, 25?, was someone who i was close to growing up but lost contact with after. the two of us reconnected and talked. she was drinking a bit, although i didn’t. later on, she was doing things like putting her arm around me, holding my hand, etc, which i stopped because i have a girlfriend and i told her so. then, she asked, “if you weren’t taken, i bet we’d be together right now.” it was a bold thing for her to say and i guess it must have been the alcohol talking. i just responded, “nah don’t think so.” she was offended and asked me why. i just said “you’re not my type”. she asked me why she wasn’t my type, and i was tired of her bugging me, so i said, “you’re just not what i’m attracted to.” she got mad at me. she said, “oh i get it, you’re attracted to coked up skeletons like your girlfriend.” referring to the fact that my girlfriend is tall and skinny. i got defensive and said, “well im not attracted to fat basic bitches like you.” granted, she’s not even fat, just thick/chunky. but she does overdo the spray tan and she looks like every basic girl ever. i guess a lot of guys are after that look but not me. she called me a cunt and later her friends found her in the bathroom crying. people are villifying me but she practically pushed me to it, especially insulting my girlfriend like that. i stand by what i said though, and she should know that her words have consequences. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> yesterday, i (24m) attended a party. there were many of my old friends there. one of the girls, 25?, was someone who i was close to growing up but lost contact with after. the two of us reconnected and talked. she was drinking a bit, although i didn’t. later on, she was doing things like putting her arm around me, holding my hand, etc, which i stopped because i have a girlfriend and i told her so. then, she asked, “if you weren’t taken, i bet we’d be together right now.” it was a bold thing for her to say and i guess it must have been the alcohol talking. i just responded, “nah don’t think so.” she was offended and asked me why. i just said “you’re not my type”. she asked me why she wasn’t my type, and i was tired of her bugging me, so i said, “you’re just not what i’m attracted to.” she got mad at me. she said, “oh i get it, you’re attracted to coked up skeletons like your girlfriend.” referring to the fact that my girlfriend is tall and skinny. i got defensive and said, “well im not attracted to fat basic bitches like you.” granted, she’s not even fat, just thick/chunky. but she does overdo the spray tan and she looks like every basic girl ever. i guess a lot of guys are after that look but not me. she called me a cunt and later her friends found her in the bathroom crying. people are villifying me but she practically pushed me to it, especially insulting my girlfriend like that. i stand by what i said though, and she should know that her words have consequences. aita? [/INST] esh. she obviously is an asshole, even if she was drunk. you are also an asshole. not for rejecting her, but for the way you did it. </s>
AITA for letting my mother have a copy of the key to our new home despite my wife's objection?	situation i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above.	15,033	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yuzl0p/aita_for_letting_my_mother_have_a_copy_of_the_key/	2022-11-14 13:35:19	yta and that is why you can't trust no one when it comes to money. you played your wife. you probably told her you would save for a shared home and thats why she should support you and pay your share of the rent. now "she didnt contribute a penny" to your house. your house. she gets no say. but you mom does- lol yta- you are an ahole.	yta she paid all your expenses while you saved and she's not even on the title to the house? she's right, she did contribute.	info: if she paid all the rent while you were saving, why isn't her name on the deed?	yta. your attitude of 'i paid for it' isn't on. you're married; it's 'our home' not 'my home' now. in any case, your wife is right, she absolutely has financially contributed to the property. she paid the rent which allowed you to save. pretty disgusting of you to dismiss this. your mother having a key to your home is a big deal and something you and your wife both need to be comfortable with. if you aren't mature enough to make joint decisions with your wife, you shouldn't be married. i think your wife is right; you don't seem to respect her at all. huge red flag that you only put the house in your name. you've basically used your wife to enable you to do what you want.	anybody thinking of making financial sacrifices to enable their partner to buy a home in their name only? read this and think again. your wife sacrificed her earnings to enable you to save to buy a house, which despite the fact that if she hadn't done so you wouldn't have a house, you clearly think of as just yours. your whole tone is that she has no rights and should thank her lucky stars that, despite her contribution, you even let her through the front door and you seriously wonder if maybe you are an asshole? let me remove all doubt - yta.	yta for leeching off of your wife and giving her no rights to the home she enabled you to save for. do you even like her?	yta. gotta love how you started with "i paid for it and my wife did not" while you were able to save for it only because your wife paid other expenses and maintained both of you. so it is her house as well. she basically made this purchase possible. it should have been a mutual agreement on who gets any extra keys of the house. you're a massive ah.	info: are you fucking kidding?	yta - so you wife paid the rent while your income went into savings, and you don’t consider that contributing towards saving for the house? that’s a wild technicality. stop acting like this is only your house. it isn’t and that’s the fast track to a divorce.	wait a minute.. your wife did help pay for the house.. by paying expenses while you saved for the house. marriage is a two way street and i can’t believe that you think she didn’t help. you need to give credit where credit’s due here and why in the world wouldn’t you put her name on the house too? what if you suddenly die? you’re not protecting your family!!! it’s ok that she feels uncomfortable by your mom having a key as mom could walk in any old time and there’s privacy issues here! i feel you should have asked your wife first and explained why you felt mom should have a key and also made it known to mom if she has a key she’s to call before coming over to make sure it’s ok instead of barging in. i get a emergency but still.. your other reasoning sucks. yta	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: situation** i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> situation** i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above. [/INST] yta and that is why you can't trust no one when it comes to money. you played your wife. you probably told her you would save for a shared home and thats why she should support you and pay your share of the rent. now "she didnt contribute a penny" to your house. your house. she gets no say. but you mom does- lol yta- you are an ahole. </s>
WIBTA if I kicked out my daughter for bringing allergens into the home twice?	i (f45) live with my two daughters, demi (f23) and faith (f2). demi is my biological daughter, however faith joined our family around a year ago when i adopted her through a closed adoption. before she came into our household, i was informed by the adoption agency that faith has some very severe food allergies. faith is allergic to sesame seeds and peanuts. she is at risk of going into anaphylaxis if she eats these foods or any foods with traces of them, as her allergies are very sensitive. i've been advised by the doctor that kids very rarely outgrow allergies to peanuts or sesame seeds. with her being a toddler and always putting things in her mouth, it would be better safe than sorry and kept our home free of these foods. demi is of course aware of faith's allergies, and knows how severe they are, plus demi is a nursing student and knows about these kinds of things. we had many serious conversations about it before faith joined our household. however, on two different recent occasions, demi has brought these allergens into the home and i'm considering asking her to move out because of it. the first occasion was a few weeks ago, demi ordered ubereats and demi walked into the living room where faith was playing, with a burger with a sesame seed bun in her hand. i panicked and yelled at demi to get out of the room. demi said it was an accident and that she forgot the burger had sesame seeds on it, and promised it wouldn't happen again. the second time was yesterday, demi came home whilst eating a sesame seed bagel and getting crumbs all over the floor. i flipped out and told demi she can't bring that into the house. demi claimed she forgot about the sesame seeds again and said she's sorry. i told her that it's not fair to be risking faith's health and life, and that she needs to think about her actions. demi started crying and said she's sorry again. i have a feeling this is going to keep happening. wibta if i kicked her out?	1,503	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xywhto/wibta_if_i_kicked_out_my_daughter_for_bringing/	2022-10-08 16:07:45	esh should she be more careful? yes, obviously is it incredibly easy to not notice something so small after spending most of your life never having to think about it? also obviously yes twice in a year doesn't sound like the murder plot you are making it out to be	ywbta. there's steps in between that you should be taking first. kicking out your child is an extreme response. have you tried a counseling session or an appointment with a nutritionist? having a professional go through the possible sources of allergens with demi there should be your first option before you go making people homeless. demi's behavior is careless but not malicious. get a professional involved. even a social worker or advocate.	ywbta - look, i get your concern for faith - serious allergies are terrifying. but are you seriously considering making your other child homeless over a lapse in judgement/memory? we’re talking about a major behavioral shift for an adult who has never had to think about what she eats or brings into the house before. if she’s not doing so maliciously, then it’s reasonable to think that she has just forgotten - not about the allergy, but that the item she’s eating contains it. your reaction is way over the top. why not brainstorm solutions with demi? often, when a well-intentioned person has difficulty adhering to a rule/guideline, there are possible structural solutions to the issue that don’t include “either remember this or lose your home”. for example; instead a “don’t bring x allergen into the house”, you could have a “don’t bring unapproved outside food - especially pre-made fast food - into the house”. take a deep breath, calm down, and tackle this like a responsible parent.	ywbta before kicking her out can you change her privileges? make it so she's not allowed to bring food into your home at all? she can prepare what you have shopped for but not shop/ bring home take ouy or order food for home delivery. then warn her that the next step is finding her own place.	you wbta if you kicked your daughter out of your home. she is trying to get used to this new reality and forgetting a couple of times is normal--especially when she is a student and likely very busy and preoccupied. why not sit her down and figure out some strategies where this won't happen again. you could ask her, for example, to not bring any outside food into the house. if she wants to eat outside food, she has to eat it before she comes home, etc. kicking her out is an extreme over-reaction.	ywbta if you kick her out after two accidents. think about it for a moment, your 23 year old daughter was able to eat sesame seeds her whole life without thinking about it and its not like she wanted to feed faith with it. of course she has to addapt to not eat those things around faith but by her reaction after the second time tells me that this was an honest mistake or do you think your daughter wants to kill faith?	kicking out your biological daughter for your adopted daughter, is bound to cause a lot of other complex problems.	ywbta if you forced her to move out at this stage. honestly, sesame especially is in so much and it’s hard to be aware of. i would sit down and explain to her how dangerous it could be if accidents like this continue to happen, and offer her sources to educate herself. it’s only happened twice and it sounds like they were totally honest mistakes, she isn’t doing this maliciously. education is key here and i think could lead to better results, without you having to kick her out.	nta-an adult should take allergies seriously. an adult who also has the knowledge that comes from being in the medical field even more so.	you: “i’ve talked to her multiple times about this.” also you: “this has happened twice.” yta, asking her to move out would be hella harsh for a mistake. you act like she’s doing it on purpose.	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.064305	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f45) live with my two daughters, demi (f23) and faith (f2). demi is my biological daughter, however faith joined our family around a year ago when i adopted her through a closed adoption. before she came into our household, i was informed by the adoption agency that faith has some very severe food allergies. faith is allergic to sesame seeds and peanuts. she is at risk of going into anaphylaxis if she eats these foods or any foods with traces of them, as her allergies are very sensitive. i've been advised by the doctor that kids very rarely outgrow allergies to peanuts or sesame seeds. with her being a toddler and always putting things in her mouth, it would be better safe than sorry and kept our home free of these foods. demi is of course aware of faith's allergies, and knows how severe they are, plus demi is a nursing student and knows about these kinds of things. we had many serious conversations about it before faith joined our household. however, on two different recent occasions, demi has brought these allergens into the home and i'm considering asking her to move out because of it. the first occasion was a few weeks ago, demi ordered ubereats and demi walked into the living room where faith was playing, with a burger with a sesame seed bun in her hand. i panicked and yelled at demi to get out of the room. demi said it was an accident and that she forgot the burger had sesame seeds on it, and promised it wouldn't happen again. the second time was yesterday, demi came home whilst eating a sesame seed bagel and getting crumbs all over the floor. i flipped out and told demi she can't bring that into the house. demi claimed she forgot about the sesame seeds again and said she's sorry. i told her that it's not fair to be risking faith's health and life, and that she needs to think about her actions. demi started crying and said she's sorry again. i have a feeling this is going to keep happening. wibta if i kicked her out?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f45) live with my two daughters, demi (f23) and faith (f2). demi is my biological daughter, however faith joined our family around a year ago when i adopted her through a closed adoption. before she came into our household, i was informed by the adoption agency that faith has some very severe food allergies. faith is allergic to sesame seeds and peanuts. she is at risk of going into anaphylaxis if she eats these foods or any foods with traces of them, as her allergies are very sensitive. i've been advised by the doctor that kids very rarely outgrow allergies to peanuts or sesame seeds. with her being a toddler and always putting things in her mouth, it would be better safe than sorry and kept our home free of these foods. demi is of course aware of faith's allergies, and knows how severe they are, plus demi is a nursing student and knows about these kinds of things. we had many serious conversations about it before faith joined our household. however, on two different recent occasions, demi has brought these allergens into the home and i'm considering asking her to move out because of it. the first occasion was a few weeks ago, demi ordered ubereats and demi walked into the living room where faith was playing, with a burger with a sesame seed bun in her hand. i panicked and yelled at demi to get out of the room. demi said it was an accident and that she forgot the burger had sesame seeds on it, and promised it wouldn't happen again. the second time was yesterday, demi came home whilst eating a sesame seed bagel and getting crumbs all over the floor. i flipped out and told demi she can't bring that into the house. demi claimed she forgot about the sesame seeds again and said she's sorry. i told her that it's not fair to be risking faith's health and life, and that she needs to think about her actions. demi started crying and said she's sorry again. i have a feeling this is going to keep happening. wibta if i kicked her out? [/INST] esh should she be more careful? yes, obviously is it incredibly easy to not notice something so small after spending most of your life never having to think about it? also obviously yes twice in a year doesn't sound like the murder plot you are making it out to be </s>
AITA For Telling My Sister to Get Over Her Prejudice Against My Future In-Laws?	update 2: i thought i probably owed reddit an update after your kindness yesterday. last night was a bit of a long night (family is on the west coast of the us so it wasn't nearly as late for them lol). i called my parents after talking to mil. sister lives with parents. i first talked to my mum. mum is very, very protective of sister and said that she knew that my sister was being unreasonable but she refused to do anything that upset her. i tried to stay calm and asked to be put on the phone with my sister. mum obliged. sister got on the phone and i told her about my conversation with mil. i also told her that fil had sent a text to my fiancé offering to have a zoom call with sister (and our parents) if it would put her mind at ease. sister refused and said that you can't trust "those people" and she wasn't going to "put herself at risk for violence." i asked her what she meant by "those people" and she refused to answer. she basically just went on a rant about how she can't be around anyone who doesn't 100% believe, even in their most private thoughts, that she is a woman. that anything less than this is unacceptable. and she knows that the only people who really feel this way are "westerners". i asked her how the hell she knew what people think in their "most private thoughts" and told her she sounded creepy at best and intolerance act worst. she said that mum was going to take her side because mum knows "i (ie sister) will die without her support. literally die!" frankly, i was getting ready to hang up when dad took the phone from sister. he had apparently been listening the whole time. as well as hearing the conversations mum and sister have been having about this. dad told sister to leave the room and go calm down. dad told me that sister is being ridiculous and that he is over mum accommodating it. we are having this family weekend in october in the netherlands, whether sister likes it or not. and if she can't be polite she can't be there. he said, and i quote, "the only thing that will change our plans is a virus, not your sister." we got off the phone. a few minutes later, my mum called crying and said she was sorry. she just worries about sister, but she didn't want to have to pick between us. she said that she will be personally responsible for managing sister in all of this. she also said she wonders if sister is just a little jealous at her only sister getting married. i thanked her and got a little emotional myself. frankly this is the first time in the 10+ years since sister came out that i feel like my mother is not completely putting my sister's needs and desires above everyone else. any way, thank you. reddit. oh, and mother-in-law says, "hello!" she is delighted by you all as well. &#x200b; **	5,443	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l2wjdi/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_get_over_her/	2021-01-22 20:41:20	info: are your future in-laws aware that your sister is trans? have you asked your fiancé how they feel about trans people? you are nta either way; it sounds like your sister is definitely making assumptions. but i would also want an answer to the above questions in order to navigate what could potentially be a tense situation, since transphobia is very common.	nta, but maybe talk to your fiance and see what his opinion is too. how does he feel about these accusations. he should be aware so that he can tell her off as well. i would be insulted. why does your sister feel like she gets to run the show? why is she already placing herself as victimized? that's bizarre and reeks of narcissist.	nta. your sister's being a jerk and making a lot of islamophobic and essentialist assumptions about your fiance.	i love your mil!!!! your update brought happy tears to my eyes! bravo!!!!	nta. your sister is being prejudiced. a lot of people say the same thing about jewish people and as a jewish trans person i can tell you that some jews are and some jews aren’t. same for muslim people. i can understand her being wary i guess? but you can tell her that being trans is no excuse for islamophobia	nta. this doesn’t change my judgment but out of curiosity, would your sister feel the same way if your soon-to-be in-laws were christian?	nta, she's allowing her implicit bias to take over. she has an internalized idea that all muslim people are inherently transphobic and wearing it on her sleeve. this the issue overall in america, when people see a person of a different demographic and allow their preconceived (and often incorrect) notions about that demographic to take over.	nta: your sister however is a bigot and an asshole.	nta. she’s assuming they’re that way based on her own prejudices. she’s the one with the problem. for all she knows, they are fully supportive of the lgbtq+ community. she doesn’t know them at all! does your fiancé think it will be a problem? he knows them best. if he says no, she can get over herself and her prejudice	nta. sure some muslim people are likely transphobic, but so are people from all walks of life. i could understand her wanting you to get a feel for how your future inlaws feel about trans matters before meeting each other, and would think that might be a good idea regardless of nationality and religion, but her assuming the worst and refusing to budge based on race/religion is, well, racist and prejudiced.	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: update 2: i thought i probably owed reddit an update after your kindness yesterday. last night was a bit of a long night (family is on the west coast of the us so it wasn't nearly as late for them lol). i called my parents after talking to mil. sister lives with parents. i first talked to my mum. mum is very, very protective of sister and said that she knew that my sister was being unreasonable but she refused to do anything that upset her. i tried to stay calm and asked to be put on the phone with my sister. mum obliged. sister got on the phone and i told her about my conversation with mil. i also told her that fil had sent a text to my fiancé offering to have a zoom call with sister (and our parents) if it would put her mind at ease. sister refused and said that you can't trust "those people" and she wasn't going to "put herself at risk for violence." i asked her what she meant by "those people" and she refused to answer. she basically just went on a rant about how she can't be around anyone who doesn't 100% believe, even in their most private thoughts, that she is a woman. that anything less than this is unacceptable. and she knows that the only people who really feel this way are "westerners". i asked her how the hell she knew what people think in their "most private thoughts" and told her she sounded creepy at best and intolerance act worst. she said that mum was going to take her side because mum knows "i (ie sister) will die without her support. literally die!" frankly, i was getting ready to hang up when dad took the phone from sister. he had apparently been listening the whole time. as well as hearing the conversations mum and sister have been having about this. dad told sister to leave the room and go calm down. dad told me that sister is being ridiculous and that he is over mum accommodating it. we are having this family weekend in october in the netherlands, whether sister likes it or not. and if she can't be polite she can't be there. he said, and i quote, "the only thing that will change our plans is a virus, not your sister." we got off the phone. a few minutes later, my mum called crying and said she was sorry. she just worries about sister, but she didn't want to have to pick between us. she said that she will be personally responsible for managing sister in all of this. she also said she wonders if sister is just a little jealous at her only sister getting married. i thanked her and got a little emotional myself. frankly this is the first time in the 10+ years since sister came out that i feel like my mother is not completely putting my sister's needs and desires above everyone else. any way, thank you. reddit. oh, and mother-in-law says, "hello!" she is delighted by you all as well. &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> update 2: i thought i probably owed reddit an update after your kindness yesterday. last night was a bit of a long night (family is on the west coast of the us so it wasn't nearly as late for them lol). i called my parents after talking to mil. sister lives with parents. i first talked to my mum. mum is very, very protective of sister and said that she knew that my sister was being unreasonable but she refused to do anything that upset her. i tried to stay calm and asked to be put on the phone with my sister. mum obliged. sister got on the phone and i told her about my conversation with mil. i also told her that fil had sent a text to my fiancé offering to have a zoom call with sister (and our parents) if it would put her mind at ease. sister refused and said that you can't trust "those people" and she wasn't going to "put herself at risk for violence." i asked her what she meant by "those people" and she refused to answer. she basically just went on a rant about how she can't be around anyone who doesn't 100% believe, even in their most private thoughts, that she is a woman. that anything less than this is unacceptable. and she knows that the only people who really feel this way are "westerners". i asked her how the hell she knew what people think in their "most private thoughts" and told her she sounded creepy at best and intolerance act worst. she said that mum was going to take her side because mum knows "i (ie sister) will die without her support. literally die!" frankly, i was getting ready to hang up when dad took the phone from sister. he had apparently been listening the whole time. as well as hearing the conversations mum and sister have been having about this. dad told sister to leave the room and go calm down. dad told me that sister is being ridiculous and that he is over mum accommodating it. we are having this family weekend in october in the netherlands, whether sister likes it or not. and if she can't be polite she can't be there. he said, and i quote, "the only thing that will change our plans is a virus, not your sister." we got off the phone. a few minutes later, my mum called crying and said she was sorry. she just worries about sister, but she didn't want to have to pick between us. she said that she will be personally responsible for managing sister in all of this. she also said she wonders if sister is just a little jealous at her only sister getting married. i thanked her and got a little emotional myself. frankly this is the first time in the 10+ years since sister came out that i feel like my mother is not completely putting my sister's needs and desires above everyone else. any way, thank you. reddit. oh, and mother-in-law says, "hello!" she is delighted by you all as well. &#x200b; [/INST] info: are your future in-laws aware that your sister is trans? have you asked your fiancé how they feel about trans people? you are nta either way; it sounds like your sister is definitely making assumptions. but i would also want an answer to the above questions in order to navigate what could potentially be a tense situation, since transphobia is very common. </s>
AITA for coming out to my mom the way that I did?	usually when people come out to their parents, it's because they want to become closer to them or some shit like that, but not me. i came out because i was annoyed. my mom had made comment about me growing up and marrying a beautiful black woman and having kids in my mind 30's(no sooner). this annoyed me because she's basically saying that i'm not allowed to marry anyone who isn't black, and that i have to have kids. i've told her time and again that i don't want kids, but since i once said that i wanted kids when i was 12, then i must still want kids. in my annoyed state, i told her that i'm gay. let's just say she didn't take it very well. i repeated myself a few times, but it was as if she weren't capable of putting the words together in her head. i got annoyed again and said (quite loudly), "attractive men make my penis hard!" that got her to shut up. i've since been told that i was being insensitive to her at such a delicate moment. so people of reddit, aita for coming out to my mom like that?	5,823	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhmzx5/aita_for_coming_out_to_my_mom_the_way_that_i_did/	2020-06-28 21:36:50	nah. you probably didn’t need to explain what gay means, but i don’t fault you.	you legend	nta, and excellent explaining of the specifics. it's best not to be vague. i wanted to be a spy when i was twelve, and no-one is holding me to that (or are they?!) your mum is allowed time to get used to something new to her, but she isn't allowed to make this moment about her. kudos.	[deleted]	nta. it may not have been the ideal way to come out or even the way that you had maybe even had in mind but it did the job it needed to do. it stopped (even if only for a brief time) her trying to plan out your whole life for you. i will admit i did chuckle when i got to the way you described it to her. i may have actually snorted into my drink. as a side and an added funny to add to the funny description. i accidentally came out as bi to my gran a couple of years ago, and she got confused and started telling people i was bifocal. she once said it in front of me and i actually doubled over cause i was laughing so much.	nta. coming out to parents is very rarely easy. she shouldn't have been pushing you like she was, and the fact that it took you raising your voice to actually get her to listen to what you were saying, it's possible that going about it in a gentler way wouldn't have made a difference.	nta as a mom i actually find this hilarious. my teen came out to me earlier this year. i knew it was coming. i was extremely supportive. good parents don’t care who their children love, but are their children happy. your mom will either get over it or not. but i hope you live a wonderful, happy, fulfilling existence.	i told my grandparents (they raised me) when i was 11 that i didn't like guys and that i wanted to grow up and marry a woman...i got told i was a disgrace and to never even mention it again now this was 1998 i tried again at 13 to come out but this time i was told if i ever brought up being a lesbian again i would be homeless and if i ever so much as brought another woman home i'd be dead to them...so i burried my sexuality deep inside had two kids and im married to a man, who in all fairness is my best friend and i love him to pieces but i'm not bi or straight. i come out to him a few months ago and he told me to shut the fuck up and never mention it again. hun you stand up for yourself be gay be proud, ive been living a lie for 21 years	nta - i outted myself to my mother in an accidental way during an argument over my ex (she said i’d better get used to the bad treatment because “all men are like that” and i responded with “good thing women are an option too!” and then the argument went in a different direction lol) (just want to say i did not take my mother’s words to heart about all men being assholes)	nta if your mother was approachable and not trying to dictate your life, perhaps a more sentimental conversation could have taken place.	NAH	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.000893	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: usually when people come out to their parents, it's because they want to become closer to them or some shit like that, but not me. i came out because i was annoyed. my mom had made comment about me growing up and marrying a beautiful black woman and having kids in my mind 30's(no sooner). this annoyed me because she's basically saying that i'm not allowed to marry anyone who isn't black, and that i have to have kids. i've told her time and again that i don't want kids, but since i once said that i wanted kids when i was 12, then i must still want kids. in my annoyed state, i told her that i'm gay. let's just say she didn't take it very well. i repeated myself a few times, but it was as if she weren't capable of putting the words together in her head. i got annoyed again and said (quite loudly), "attractive men make my penis hard!" that got her to shut up. i've since been told that i was being insensitive to her at such a delicate moment. so people of reddit, aita for coming out to my mom like that?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> usually when people come out to their parents, it's because they want to become closer to them or some shit like that, but not me. i came out because i was annoyed. my mom had made comment about me growing up and marrying a beautiful black woman and having kids in my mind 30's(no sooner). this annoyed me because she's basically saying that i'm not allowed to marry anyone who isn't black, and that i have to have kids. i've told her time and again that i don't want kids, but since i once said that i wanted kids when i was 12, then i must still want kids. in my annoyed state, i told her that i'm gay. let's just say she didn't take it very well. i repeated myself a few times, but it was as if she weren't capable of putting the words together in her head. i got annoyed again and said (quite loudly), "attractive men make my penis hard!" that got her to shut up. i've since been told that i was being insensitive to her at such a delicate moment. so people of reddit, aita for coming out to my mom like that? [/INST] nah. you probably didn’t need to explain what gay means, but i don’t fault you. </s>
AITA for going behind my wife's back and telling my mom she didn't have to wear the assigned color?	we still have a debate in my marriage due to some drama at the wedding, so i would love some feedback. when we were planning our wedding there was a clash between my mom and my wife, who already didn't get along the best, because my wife believed that as the bride, she gets to dictate a color scheme for immediate family. my mom thought she was a control freak and just made that up. somehow she got my mom to agree to wear gold, but then ww3 started, because neither of them could figure out what gold meant. my wife thought the dresses my mom picked were too light and more of a champagne. the ones my wife was showing her were bronze and my mom refused to wear brown. i was getting annoyed, because neither of them seemed to know what gold was, and it seemed like a difficult color to begin with. also my mom won't shop online for anything formal/fitted, and apparently there just aren't that many gold dresses around. this led to so much tension that my mom said she wasn't coming. my wife knew i was going to my mom's house to talk to her and supported that. when i got there my mom was serious that she wasn't coming. she wouldn't even let me in her house. i finally told my mom that she was at least partially right, and she could wear another color as long as it wasn't dark pink (mil's color), black (bridesmaids), or white/ anything white passing my mom agreed and wore turquoise. i was honestly hoping my wife would just be too happy to notice, but she did notice. she wasn't that that upset, but did tell me what a bitch my mom is. i told her discretely that i told her she didn't have to wear the gold as it wasn't working. she was annoyed but moved on since it was our wedding day. when we got back from the honeymoon she told me how much it pissed her off and that i betrayed her and now my mom is never going to respect us, because we aren't a united front.	2,733	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2ueqo/aita_for_going_behind_my_wifes_back_and_telling/	2022-07-19 14:42:19	esh. your wife for going bridezilla-mode. your mom for not figuring out how to make gold work and threatening to not come. you for not having a spine, knowing drama would ensue, and acting surprised about it.	kinda yta. you should have decided another colour for your mom along with your wife. if the roles were reversed (not wedding related) would you appreciate your wife going behind your back (as you are aware since it’s in the title)?	yta. your wife is right, your mom now knows if she digs in you’ll let her get her way.	esh you for going behind your wife's back and for not shutting this out earlier your wife because gold isn't that common in dresses, especially if you're not shopping online your mother because she never asked for help picking the dress and was constantly complaining	yeah yta with a leaning of everyone sucks. you knew this would piss off your wife, and you've created even more tension between your mother and your wife by causing a situation where it looks like your mother has said "you know what, screw you, i'll wear what i want", waltzing in in almost an entirely opposite colour, when really she thought she was following the dress code, and now your wife knows the truth she knows that you'll bow to your mam's whims and go behind her back, which, yeah, kinda a shitty thing to do. your mother was acting like a child throwing her toys out of the pram by saying she wouldn't go to the wedding because she didn't like the colour she was asked to wear, and you placated and babied her. i mean, i think dress codes can be ridiculous in a wedding, and this is no exception, it is a bit ridiculous to expect every guest to wear something of your choosing, but that should be been discussed between you and your wife. either way your mam could suck it up for one day, and if she wanted to miss out on her own child's wedding because she's having a tantrum that's entirely her business.	esh - of course your wife would notice, why even go behind her back? this sounds like you just married your mother but the silver lining is i think you all deserve each other.	esh. your wife is being overly controlling. as long as your mom isn't wearing a color slated for anyone else, and as long as her dress isn't disruptive, this shouldn't be an issue. turquoise is a lovely color. but you should have addressed the issue as it was rather than appearing to pick sides behind your wife's back. y'all need to be able to work these things out if you're getting married.	[deleted]	yta. seriously? the drama might have been petty, but you went behind your wife's back for your wedding to say that something she very clearly wasn't okay with was okay. that's not being a teammate. that's not being a partner. that's going against your wife's wishes on what should be one of the happiest days of your lives. this tells me you're incapable of having a constructive and rational discourse with your wife. so, not only did you tell your mom that she could wear a different color, but you did so without telling your wife. my guy...	yta based on the comments it might be a regional thing but the weddings i’ve gone to always have the parents in colors that coordinate. traditional etiquette is that the mob selects her dress first and the mog selects hers to ensure they don’t wind up with the same dress. your mom was being unnecessarily difficult by refusing to wear “brown” or shop online. she threw a tantrum like a toddler and you just went along with it. your wife is absolutely right that you didn’t present a united front and this is only going to encourage your mother to continue to be difficult towards your wife. if you were worried about the dress situation so much you should have discussed your concerns with your now wife privately and come up with a solution together. you choose to get married, you have to start making your wife a bigger priority than your mommy if you expect to stay married.	ESH	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	ESH	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	0.012269	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we still have a debate in my marriage due to some drama at the wedding, so i would love some feedback. when we were planning our wedding there was a clash between my mom and my wife, who already didn't get along the best, because my wife believed that as the bride, she gets to dictate a color scheme for immediate family. my mom thought she was a control freak and just made that up. somehow she got my mom to agree to wear gold, but then ww3 started, because neither of them could figure out what gold meant. my wife thought the dresses my mom picked were too light and more of a champagne. the ones my wife was showing her were bronze and my mom refused to wear brown. i was getting annoyed, because neither of them seemed to know what gold was, and it seemed like a difficult color to begin with. also my mom won't shop online for anything formal/fitted, and apparently there just aren't that many gold dresses around. this led to so much tension that my mom said she wasn't coming. my wife knew i was going to my mom's house to talk to her and supported that. when i got there my mom was serious that she wasn't coming. she wouldn't even let me in her house. i finally told my mom that she was at least partially right, and she could wear another color as long as it wasn't dark pink (mil's color), black (bridesmaids), or white/ anything white passing my mom agreed and wore turquoise. i was honestly hoping my wife would just be too happy to notice, but she did notice. she wasn't that that upset, but did tell me what a bitch my mom is. i told her discretely that i told her she didn't have to wear the gold as it wasn't working. she was annoyed but moved on since it was our wedding day. when we got back from the honeymoon she told me how much it pissed her off and that i betrayed her and now my mom is never going to respect us, because we aren't a united front.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> we still have a debate in my marriage due to some drama at the wedding, so i would love some feedback. when we were planning our wedding there was a clash between my mom and my wife, who already didn't get along the best, because my wife believed that as the bride, she gets to dictate a color scheme for immediate family. my mom thought she was a control freak and just made that up. somehow she got my mom to agree to wear gold, but then ww3 started, because neither of them could figure out what gold meant. my wife thought the dresses my mom picked were too light and more of a champagne. the ones my wife was showing her were bronze and my mom refused to wear brown. i was getting annoyed, because neither of them seemed to know what gold was, and it seemed like a difficult color to begin with. also my mom won't shop online for anything formal/fitted, and apparently there just aren't that many gold dresses around. this led to so much tension that my mom said she wasn't coming. my wife knew i was going to my mom's house to talk to her and supported that. when i got there my mom was serious that she wasn't coming. she wouldn't even let me in her house. i finally told my mom that she was at least partially right, and she could wear another color as long as it wasn't dark pink (mil's color), black (bridesmaids), or white/ anything white passing my mom agreed and wore turquoise. i was honestly hoping my wife would just be too happy to notice, but she did notice. she wasn't that that upset, but did tell me what a bitch my mom is. i told her discretely that i told her she didn't have to wear the gold as it wasn't working. she was annoyed but moved on since it was our wedding day. when we got back from the honeymoon she told me how much it pissed her off and that i betrayed her and now my mom is never going to respect us, because we aren't a united front. [/INST] esh. your wife for going bridezilla-mode. your mom for not figuring out how to make gold work and threatening to not come. you for not having a spine, knowing drama would ensue, and acting surprised about it. </s>
AITA for telling my sister I don't pity her after she lost two of her toe fingers?	my sister was in a mild car accident and two of her toe fingers were pretty damaged. long story short, she had to have it removed. in the meantime, our mother is being evicted from her home and i've been raising my 7yo nephew after our sister died of a drug overdose two years ago. i've been helping our mother out financially by supplementing her with $400-500 a month as she is on a fixed income. it's been a struggle. after my sister had her surgery, she asked my mom to stay with her at her house to help with her kids while her husband worked. my sister and i are estranged, but apparently she wanted to reconnect. i was open to it. i told her she could call me whenever. i was going to ask how she was doing and recovering. then my mom dropped a bombshell. my sister and her husband sold their business to a well-known company for $18 million dollars a couple of years ago. right around the time when i took in my nephew and i've been the one giving my mother $500 a month out of my $4000 monthly paycheck. i was pissed. and yes, my sister knew. she eventually called me and wailing and crying over it and complaining how it will affect her at the gym. i told her i couldn't care less about her toes and she could go to hell. she asked me what i was talking about. i said i was in a bad situation a couple of years ago and have been adjusting financially to help our nephew and mother. she had the means to help and she didn't. i said i knew about her $18 million dollars. she had no obligation and honestly i wouldn't have expected her to. that is her money. but i don't want to hear about her $18 million rich person problems. she didn't want to talk about it. i told her that i wished her nothing but the best, but she's a bitch and an asshole and don't want anything to do with her.	5,955	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0zvil/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_pity_her_after/	2020-07-31 02:56:17	info: what the heck are toe fingers?	i just laughed for 5 minutes at this. everyone got so hung up on “toe fingers” that they barely could address the question.	yta for making me try to figure out what a toe finger is for the past 5 minutes	could be worse. i knew a guy that lost both his feet hands.	nta but question a "mild car accident" considering loss of toes? not familiar with that terminology. towards that , the sale of the business and final payout could have taken a good while. consider how her life changed, your estrangement, and what seems like obvious resentment on your behalf. medical bills and rehabilitation can go on years too i totally hear your struggle, but you are not a victim, as your family has leaned on you. pity is one thing, compassion is another .	i'm gonna go with esh. i think she should have helped out and contributed if she had the means, but she's also allowed to be upset about losing two toes.	nta. she is quite self centred. having said that, thanks for the laugh. “toe fingers” . still not sure what that phrase means (but am guessing you meant toes?) but it made me laugh	esh. she more than you for not helping out keeping your mom in her home. i cannot fathom having that kind of money and letting my mother get evicted while my sibling is raising our nephew and still helping out. but still, losing a limb isn't trivial.	[removed]	info: what is a toe finger. a finger? a toe? please god i need to know what are toe fingers	INFO	null	YTA	null	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	null	INFO	0.707107	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister was in a mild car accident and two of her toe fingers were pretty damaged. long story short, she had to have it removed. in the meantime, our mother is being evicted from her home and i've been raising my 7yo nephew after our sister died of a drug overdose two years ago. i've been helping our mother out financially by supplementing her with $400-500 a month as she is on a fixed income. it's been a struggle. after my sister had her surgery, she asked my mom to stay with her at her house to help with her kids while her husband worked. my sister and i are estranged, but apparently she wanted to reconnect. i was open to it. i told her she could call me whenever. i was going to ask how she was doing and recovering. then my mom dropped a bombshell. my sister and her husband sold their business to a well-known company for $18 million dollars a couple of years ago. right around the time when i took in my nephew and i've been the one giving my mother $500 a month out of my $4000 monthly paycheck. i was pissed. and yes, my sister knew. she eventually called me and wailing and crying over it and complaining how it will affect her at the gym. i told her i couldn't care less about her toes and she could go to hell. she asked me what i was talking about. i said i was in a bad situation a couple of years ago and have been adjusting financially to help our nephew and mother. she had the means to help and she didn't. i said i knew about her $18 million dollars. she had no obligation and honestly i wouldn't have expected her to. that is her money. but i don't want to hear about her $18 million rich person problems. she didn't want to talk about it. i told her that i wished her nothing but the best, but she's a bitch and an asshole and don't want anything to do with her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister was in a mild car accident and two of her toe fingers were pretty damaged. long story short, she had to have it removed. in the meantime, our mother is being evicted from her home and i've been raising my 7yo nephew after our sister died of a drug overdose two years ago. i've been helping our mother out financially by supplementing her with $400-500 a month as she is on a fixed income. it's been a struggle. after my sister had her surgery, she asked my mom to stay with her at her house to help with her kids while her husband worked. my sister and i are estranged, but apparently she wanted to reconnect. i was open to it. i told her she could call me whenever. i was going to ask how she was doing and recovering. then my mom dropped a bombshell. my sister and her husband sold their business to a well-known company for $18 million dollars a couple of years ago. right around the time when i took in my nephew and i've been the one giving my mother $500 a month out of my $4000 monthly paycheck. i was pissed. and yes, my sister knew. she eventually called me and wailing and crying over it and complaining how it will affect her at the gym. i told her i couldn't care less about her toes and she could go to hell. she asked me what i was talking about. i said i was in a bad situation a couple of years ago and have been adjusting financially to help our nephew and mother. she had the means to help and she didn't. i said i knew about her $18 million dollars. she had no obligation and honestly i wouldn't have expected her to. that is her money. but i don't want to hear about her $18 million rich person problems. she didn't want to talk about it. i told her that i wished her nothing but the best, but she's a bitch and an asshole and don't want anything to do with her. [/INST] info: what the heck are toe fingers? </s>
AITA for going to my family's thanksgiving instead of my husband's?	i(38f) and my husband(40m) have been celebrating thanksgiving with his family since being together. we celebrate christmas with my family. we would have the families be together during the holidays, but there has been tension lately between the families. i am vegetarian and will bring my own food to dinners. his family will crack jokes about the food that i bring. another huge issue that i have is that since i had my daughter(5f), i am asked to sit at the kids table. my parents are celebrating thanksgiving with other family members in their lake house about an hour away. i told husband that daughter and i will be going to the lake house to celebrate with my family. my husband was upset and says what?! my mom is planning on making you a vegetarian meal just for you! i looked at him and say i am going to celebrate with my family, nothing is going to change my mind. his mother calls me and starts yelling at me that i hurt her and husbands feelings. my husband has made comments about not celebrating christmas with my family. aita for going to my family's thanksgiving instead of my husband's?	4,360	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qh9mjc/aita_for_going_to_my_familys_thanksgiving_instead/	2021-10-27 23:35:21	esh -- it sounds like you unilaterally changed the plans without talking to your husband about it. he should have been backing you up all these years, and you may be justified in skipping his family's dinner with the way you've been treated, but you should have at least discussed it with him	nta. the fact that his mother started yelling at you about her hurt feelings instead of having a discussion about your concerns is a huge red flag. does your husband defend you when his family makes passive aggressive digs at your food? (i imagine not if the first thing he did sic his mother on you but id figured id ask)	info: have you asked why you have to sit at the kid's table?	nta. you deserve to celebrate with people who actually like you. your husband and his family are jerks.	nta in all the years you’ve been together, the only year that his mother is making you a vegetarian meal is the year you decide you aren’t going? riiiight. that’s not a coincidence at all. go to your parents and have a thanksgiving that you can enjoy!	nta, your husband’s family are total jerks and he’s not much better if he’s defending their behavior. i am a bit concerned though that you surprised him with plans that include your child without properly discussing it with the dad first. it’s not a huge deal to me, but i can see where he might be taken aback entirely since this sounds like it was presented out of the blue and without actual communication involved. honestly sounds like everyone here lacks healthy communication skills, but your husband’s fam communicates clearly enough that you aren’t really welcome there as you are.	nta. people who are saying you “unilaterally making a decision” about your daughter are ignoring that your husband has let you unilaterally take care of her during dinner time anyways. if you don’t go is your husband going to sit at the kids table? no. like does he make the plates or for your daughter or do anything for her while you’re at his parents? or does he feed into that bs in their environment.	nta - your mil is acting childishly by yelling at you. i think you could tell your husband that when his family stops making jokes about you being a vegetarian and stops making you sit at the kid's table, then you'll consider going back to t-day w/his family. but until then, you're going to enjoy dinner at your family's house at the adult table. that would really piss me off. why don't they make your husband sit at the kid's table??? and why would you want to go there anyway after she yelled at you? fuck that! if you'd been treated differently, you might have still been going there for t-day. your husband should respect your wishes. if he doesn't go to your families' for xmas, then respect his wishes and go w/out him. :-)	nta life is too short to spend holidays where you're not comfortable or simply don't want to be.	i don’t get all the e. s. h. comments at the top. op’s in-laws make her sit at the fckn kids table, are you kidding? everyone does /not/ suck. but her husband and in-laws sure do: her husband for being a total pushover (and probably mama’s boy if he can’t set a boundary and then a consequence if the il’s cross it), and the il’s for treating her as less than. nta, op	ESH	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(38f) and my husband(40m) have been celebrating thanksgiving with his family since being together. we celebrate christmas with my family. we would have the families be together during the holidays, but there has been tension lately between the families. i am vegetarian and will bring my own food to dinners. his family will crack jokes about the food that i bring. another huge issue that i have is that since i had my daughter(5f), i am asked to sit at the kids table. my parents are celebrating thanksgiving with other family members in their lake house about an hour away. i told husband that daughter and i will be going to the lake house to celebrate with my family. my husband was upset and says what?! my mom is planning on making you a vegetarian meal just for you! i looked at him and say i am going to celebrate with my family, nothing is going to change my mind. his mother calls me and starts yelling at me that i hurt her and husbands feelings. my husband has made comments about not celebrating christmas with my family. aita for going to my family's thanksgiving instead of my husband's?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(38f) and my husband(40m) have been celebrating thanksgiving with his family since being together. we celebrate christmas with my family. we would have the families be together during the holidays, but there has been tension lately between the families. i am vegetarian and will bring my own food to dinners. his family will crack jokes about the food that i bring. another huge issue that i have is that since i had my daughter(5f), i am asked to sit at the kids table. my parents are celebrating thanksgiving with other family members in their lake house about an hour away. i told husband that daughter and i will be going to the lake house to celebrate with my family. my husband was upset and says what?! my mom is planning on making you a vegetarian meal just for you! i looked at him and say i am going to celebrate with my family, nothing is going to change my mind. his mother calls me and starts yelling at me that i hurt her and husbands feelings. my husband has made comments about not celebrating christmas with my family. aita for going to my family's thanksgiving instead of my husband's? [/INST] esh -- it sounds like you unilaterally changed the plans without talking to your husband about it. he should have been backing you up all these years, and you may be justified in skipping his family's dinner with the way you've been treated, but you should have at least discussed it with him </s>
AITA for telling coworkers they smell of unwashed pussy after her and some other colleagues CONSTANTLY made jokes that we smell of unwashed balls?	this is more of a ‘are we the asshole’ i guess. my colleagues and i work a very physically demanding job which amongst other things, also involves pools/ life guarding. because of that we have showers located at work as we are constantly getting sweaty and grimy and need to wash off to attend to other duties/ be presentable. whenever we finish ‘dry reccing’ which is basically us attending to whatever dryside clean ups (not pool related) we are expected to shower. before you do that you go into the staff room to collect your personal belongings like towels etc. our female colleagues started to yell at us at one point when summer got super hot, saying ‘you smell of unwashed balls, go shower!!’ and other stuff that’s pretty similar. we’d get called gross, some girls actually started to physically push us out the staff room in order to try and get us to not stink up the place. like yeah, we know we smell, but we are literally going in to grab towels and leave not stand around and have a chat. this has become a near daily occurrence and frankly it’s so fucking annoying to walk into the staff room and immediately there’s a group of girls making faces and gagging when you’ve literally just entered. last week 3 of the girls had gone to attend to dryside activities which meant that when they came back, they were covered in sweat and grime too. (we work at an olympic facility and we have to put in a lot of physical work in the heat so yeah, it’s bad) and so jokingly i said ‘ew, smells like unwashed pussy, go shower’ one of the girls who is the most vocal about us smelling got super super offended and started mouthing off that i was an asshole. a lot of the other guys, some whom i don’t even freaking talk to, joined in and said ‘yeah, go shower! don’t you tell us to leave as soon as we get in?’. 2 of em took it well and laughed but the third has been telling everyone and anyone about it all day. my boss just shrugged and told her if she could dish it she can take it, so i’m not worried about being in trouble at work, but i just want to know if i’m the asshole.	4,481	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cwqxdx/aita_for_telling_coworkers_they_smell_of_unwashed/	2019-08-28 21:10:43	esh if you don’t like it, it doesn’t make it okay for you to do it back just because “they did it first.” honestly, i don’t even have to tell my 6 year old this.	nta. if they can dish it they should be able to take it. i wouldn’t worry about this one op	nta but everyone here smells like assholes.	esh that's not what i call a professional environment. your boss isn't doing their job, they are allowing for a toxic work environment. both of you (men and women) are guilty of sexually harassing each other, demeaning one another and even assault by pushing people. no, you shouldn't have done that, you should have went to hr and discussed this with them. two wrongs don't make a right.	nta- congratulations, “you smell of unwashed pussy” is now my favorite phrase	nta - see your bosses response. also - that's funny. well played.	nta, the rest took it well except the bully. it’s a joke when she says it, then it should work both ways. tell her you’ll stop when she stops. play stupid games, win stupid prizes	nta. if they dish out childish shit like that (which is grossly inappropriate to do repeatedly) (no pun intended), they need to see how it feels to receive.	sounds like you struck a nerve. a nice wet sensitive smelly nerve	nta. its really insensitive of her to always saying that you should shower because you smell when you are literally on your way to do that. so, well deserved.	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0.06929	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is more of a ‘are we the asshole’ i guess. my colleagues and i work a very physically demanding job which amongst other things, also involves pools/ life guarding. because of that we have showers located at work as we are constantly getting sweaty and grimy and need to wash off to attend to other duties/ be presentable. whenever we finish ‘dry reccing’ which is basically us attending to whatever dryside clean ups (not pool related) we are expected to shower. before you do that you go into the staff room to collect your personal belongings like towels etc. our female colleagues started to yell at us at one point when summer got super hot, saying ‘you smell of unwashed balls, go shower!!’ and other stuff that’s pretty similar. we’d get called gross, some girls actually started to physically push us out the staff room in order to try and get us to not stink up the place. like yeah, we know we smell, but we are literally going in to grab towels and leave not stand around and have a chat. this has become a near daily occurrence and frankly it’s so fucking annoying to walk into the staff room and immediately there’s a group of girls making faces and gagging when you’ve literally just entered. last week 3 of the girls had gone to attend to dryside activities which meant that when they came back, they were covered in sweat and grime too. (we work at an olympic facility and we have to put in a lot of physical work in the heat so yeah, it’s bad) and so jokingly i said ‘ew, smells like unwashed pussy, go shower’ one of the girls who is the most vocal about us smelling got super super offended and started mouthing off that i was an asshole. a lot of the other guys, some whom i don’t even freaking talk to, joined in and said ‘yeah, go shower! don’t you tell us to leave as soon as we get in?’. 2 of em took it well and laughed but the third has been telling everyone and anyone about it all day. my boss just shrugged and told her if she could dish it she can take it, so i’m not worried about being in trouble at work, but i just want to know if i’m the asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is more of a ‘are we the asshole’ i guess. my colleagues and i work a very physically demanding job which amongst other things, also involves pools/ life guarding. because of that we have showers located at work as we are constantly getting sweaty and grimy and need to wash off to attend to other duties/ be presentable. whenever we finish ‘dry reccing’ which is basically us attending to whatever dryside clean ups (not pool related) we are expected to shower. before you do that you go into the staff room to collect your personal belongings like towels etc. our female colleagues started to yell at us at one point when summer got super hot, saying ‘you smell of unwashed balls, go shower!!’ and other stuff that’s pretty similar. we’d get called gross, some girls actually started to physically push us out the staff room in order to try and get us to not stink up the place. like yeah, we know we smell, but we are literally going in to grab towels and leave not stand around and have a chat. this has become a near daily occurrence and frankly it’s so fucking annoying to walk into the staff room and immediately there’s a group of girls making faces and gagging when you’ve literally just entered. last week 3 of the girls had gone to attend to dryside activities which meant that when they came back, they were covered in sweat and grime too. (we work at an olympic facility and we have to put in a lot of physical work in the heat so yeah, it’s bad) and so jokingly i said ‘ew, smells like unwashed pussy, go shower’ one of the girls who is the most vocal about us smelling got super super offended and started mouthing off that i was an asshole. a lot of the other guys, some whom i don’t even freaking talk to, joined in and said ‘yeah, go shower! don’t you tell us to leave as soon as we get in?’. 2 of em took it well and laughed but the third has been telling everyone and anyone about it all day. my boss just shrugged and told her if she could dish it she can take it, so i’m not worried about being in trouble at work, but i just want to know if i’m the asshole. [/INST] esh if you don’t like it, it doesn’t make it okay for you to do it back just because “they did it first.” honestly, i don’t even have to tell my 6 year old this. </s>
WIBTAH if I told my 5yr old cousin to stop screaming at my dog??	my husband and i and our two kids (6 & 8) have a 90lb black lab mix (4 years). he’s a good boy, but he’s massive. he is very clearly mixed with pit bull and that, combined with his size and color, makes him look intimidating. he’s never hurt a soul, not even our 9lb cat, and he’s well known in the family as a clumsy, excitable oaf. he positively loves children, especially our 8 year old. the worst thing he’s ever done is lick people’s faces. our little one is generally not as excited about pets and takes time to warm up to them. we’ve trained her to understand that he is a member of our family and she is to be nice to him. he seems to understand this about her and shows his love for her in less intrusive ways. she was sick with the flu last week and any time she was laying on the couch with a blanket and watching tv, he was laying next to her and would not move until she got up. anyways, we had extended family over for christmas eve. my husband’s uncle has a 5 year old daughter (alexis). alexis is visually impaired but wears glasses and nobody treats her any differently for it. this family doesn’t come over often, but when they do, alexis screams at our dog whenever she sees him. it starts the moment they open our door, because the dog meets everyone at the door (normal dog stuff, imo). my husband helps calm the dog down while they get in and get situated, but her mistreatment of him doesn’t stop. every time he enters a room, she screams at him to go away and waves him away. he doesn’t have to be anywhere near her for her to do this and he’s almost never doing anything that needs chastising. i get that he’s scary the first time you see him, but she seems to be more scared each successive time???? my dog does not deserve to be screeched at just for existing. imo, she is disrespectful to my animals (family members in their own right) and my home and part of training our kids to be successful adults is teaching them how to behave outside of their home. if she’s truly terrified of my dog, that’s another conversation they should have with her, because most families have dogs. i have a strict policy of “my home, my rules” and being unkind to my animals is not something i will further tolerate. wibtah if i asked this family not to come around unless or until this child stops being cruel to our dog? tl;dr 5 year old cousin screams at dog for no reason	799	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egbxg2/wibtah_if_i_told_my_5yr_old_cousin_to_stop/	2019-12-27 14:42:10	info: have you talked to the parents to figure out a solution? alexis may have had bad experiences with dogs or the visual impairment may make it hard for her to see and interpret the dog's movements and expressions.	info - has anyone worked with alexis to help her understand how to behave around dogs? how serious is her visual impairment? is she capable of distinguishing signs that a dog is ready to meet people or not? has alexis had negative encounters with dogs? has your dog previously done anything that scared her, even if it was not aggressive per se? when my daughter was four, she was terrified of dogs. we don't have one, and you never know with strange dogs at the park, but i felt sad for her because she isn't usually a scared kid. one day, my coworker and his labradoodle stepped in and intervened. he taught her how to tell if a dog wants to meet you or not, how to introduce yourself to a dog, and how to play with one. this was huge, and it completely changed my daughter's life. and it took, not joking, less than 10 minutes. also important, he was explicit that if a dog is not behaving like they want to meet you, you should stay away, and to always talk to the dog's human before approaching a dog, and to always approach with an adult as some dogs don't do well with children. that lesson has been reinforced a few times, but she generally remembers. i would suggest that you directly, not at a holiday gathering, involve yourself in this situation. explain to alexis's parents that you would like to help her become more comfortable with the dog. ask for help navigating any issues her visual impairment may be contributing. teach her to approach the dog, let the dog smell a hand, and how your dog likes to play. teach her what to look for in a dog that is excited or willing to meet her. spend some time listening to her and address any concerns she may have (all with parental permission or supervision). dogs are intimidating to children!	just so i'm clear, a visually impaired kindergartner is terrified of a dog roughly twice her size, none of the adults in her life are showing any interest in helping her with this so she yells at it in an effort to protect herself, and you're wondering if you're in the wrong here? yta.	:/ i mean. she's five. five year olds are irrational. you could ask her parents to help her get more comfortable with the dog, but she sounds genuinely scared of the dog. that happens. i'm not sure why you can't put the dog in a room during the infrequent times they're visiting? i was terrified of dogs as a kid and traumatized by adults who refused to do anything about it, leading to multiple negative experiences with them. it took a long time for me to be open to dogs after all of it. given that there are multiple adults in this situation who could help the child in various ways, i'm going with ywbta.	here's a recent, similar situation, and what i did: over christmas i brought my dog over to my mom's house for our big celebration (she asked me to bring him). he's about 80 pounds and is a tall, burly dog. he's super calm and doesnt jump or barge into things/people. relatives have three 5 to 6 year olds. when i arrive, kids immediately start screaming "dog! ahhhh!" and run away. they then come back and do the same thing. then a 3rd time. parents do nothing. meanwhile i'm straining to hold back my now overstimulated dog, who thinks the kids are trying to play with him. so i hand him off to my boyfriend and follow the kids. i firmly tell them that the dog is calm and won't hurt them, but he thinks you're trying to play when you yell at him and run away. if you don't want him by you, dont even look at him. if he comes close, just tell him "no." then we practiced calmly saying "no." i brought my dog in and showed them a few commands he follows. i had to remind them once, but the rest of the time was good. lecturing other people's kids may seem assholeish, but the parents weren't doing anything and i'm gonna protect my dog over anyone's feelings.	yta. she's a terrified visually impaired kindergartner. you're acting like she is teasing/taunting him for fun. she just wants him to get tf away from her. you say she's _disrespecting a family member_ she is a family member who is terrified of your pet. you sound crazy.	yta. she's not being "disrespectful" to your dog. she's a scared child.	yta you are completely underestimating how large a 90-pound dog is to a small, visually impaired, child. and most families don't have dogs. many do, but most don't. you have an opportunity to teach a child about how wonderful dogs can be. you seem to think the child is the problem but it seems to me that you are because you sound like a "my dog can do no wrong" owner.	yta as people have said, she’s literally 5 and scared out of her mind, obviously. you’re painting her as if she’s animal abuser. she doesn’t even have the emotional and general intelligence to intentionally disrespect your home. if anything you’re being disrespectful to your guest for forcing her to be in a situation that’s clearly frightening for her. you could put the dog away for the very short time that she’s there. or put up a baby gate between the dog and whatever room she’s in. i don’t understand why the dog has to even be in the same room as her.	yta in everyway imaginable. you spend a paragraph telling us how awesome your dog is but get mad at a visually impaired 5 year old for her very real fear and blame her for being scared. this dog is probably damned near twice her size, she probably can't actually see exactly what it's doing and being 5 reacts quite reasonably in fear and then instead of being a good loving adult and soothing her and talking her through it or maybe talking to her parents you call her disrespectful. this whole thing is a mess. this child is also your family so try taking care of her, kids get scared of shit especially animals that are as big as they are and scary.	INFO	INFO	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i and our two kids (6 & 8) have a 90lb black lab mix (4 years). he’s a good boy, but he’s massive. he is very clearly mixed with pit bull and that, combined with his size and color, makes him look intimidating. he’s never hurt a soul, not even our 9lb cat, and he’s well known in the family as a clumsy, excitable oaf. he positively loves children, especially our 8 year old. the worst thing he’s ever done is lick people’s faces. our little one is generally not as excited about pets and takes time to warm up to them. we’ve trained her to understand that he is a member of our family and she is to be nice to him. he seems to understand this about her and shows his love for her in less intrusive ways. she was sick with the flu last week and any time she was laying on the couch with a blanket and watching tv, he was laying next to her and would not move until she got up. anyways, we had extended family over for christmas eve. my husband’s uncle has a 5 year old daughter (alexis). alexis is visually impaired but wears glasses and nobody treats her any differently for it. this family doesn’t come over often, but when they do, alexis screams at our dog whenever she sees him. it starts the moment they open our door, because the dog meets everyone at the door (normal dog stuff, imo). my husband helps calm the dog down while they get in and get situated, but her mistreatment of him doesn’t stop. every time he enters a room, she screams at him to go away and waves him away. he doesn’t have to be anywhere near her for her to do this and he’s almost never doing anything that needs chastising. i get that he’s scary the first time you see him, but she seems to be more scared each successive time???? my dog does not deserve to be screeched at just for existing. imo, she is disrespectful to my animals (family members in their own right) and my home and part of training our kids to be successful adults is teaching them how to behave outside of their home. if she’s truly terrified of my dog, that’s another conversation they should have with her, because most families have dogs. i have a strict policy of “my home, my rules” and being unkind to my animals is not something i will further tolerate. wibtah if i asked this family not to come around unless or until this child stops being cruel to our dog? tl;dr 5 year old cousin screams at dog for no reason	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband and i and our two kids (6 & 8) have a 90lb black lab mix (4 years). he’s a good boy, but he’s massive. he is very clearly mixed with pit bull and that, combined with his size and color, makes him look intimidating. he’s never hurt a soul, not even our 9lb cat, and he’s well known in the family as a clumsy, excitable oaf. he positively loves children, especially our 8 year old. the worst thing he’s ever done is lick people’s faces. our little one is generally not as excited about pets and takes time to warm up to them. we’ve trained her to understand that he is a member of our family and she is to be nice to him. he seems to understand this about her and shows his love for her in less intrusive ways. she was sick with the flu last week and any time she was laying on the couch with a blanket and watching tv, he was laying next to her and would not move until she got up. anyways, we had extended family over for christmas eve. my husband’s uncle has a 5 year old daughter (alexis). alexis is visually impaired but wears glasses and nobody treats her any differently for it. this family doesn’t come over often, but when they do, alexis screams at our dog whenever she sees him. it starts the moment they open our door, because the dog meets everyone at the door (normal dog stuff, imo). my husband helps calm the dog down while they get in and get situated, but her mistreatment of him doesn’t stop. every time he enters a room, she screams at him to go away and waves him away. he doesn’t have to be anywhere near her for her to do this and he’s almost never doing anything that needs chastising. i get that he’s scary the first time you see him, but she seems to be more scared each successive time???? my dog does not deserve to be screeched at just for existing. imo, she is disrespectful to my animals (family members in their own right) and my home and part of training our kids to be successful adults is teaching them how to behave outside of their home. if she’s truly terrified of my dog, that’s another conversation they should have with her, because most families have dogs. i have a strict policy of “my home, my rules” and being unkind to my animals is not something i will further tolerate. wibtah if i asked this family not to come around unless or until this child stops being cruel to our dog? tl;dr 5 year old cousin screams at dog for no reason [/INST] info: have you talked to the parents to figure out a solution? alexis may have had bad experiences with dogs or the visual impairment may make it hard for her to see and interpret the dog's movements and expressions. </s>
AITA for taking leftovers home?	i(32f) and my husband(35m) have been married for 3 years. i gained a ton of weight through my life and got weight loss surgery in 2019. the surgery shrank my stomach and i can't eat a ton. i do enjoy the meals by ordering smaller portions. my husband hates it when i order food and take it home. he thinks it's a waste of food and money. we recently went out to dinner with friends and i ordered a chicken dish. i felt full and asked if i could get a box. the waitress brings me over a box and i see my husband roll his eyes. he looks at the rest of the food and says there are a ton of people that would appreciate receiving a meal. i started to feel embarrassed and apologized to my friends. on our way home, husband and i got into a huge argument about the evening. he tells me that going out to eat isn't enjoyable since i got the surgery. aita?	10,204	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qz5xyt/aita_for_taking_leftovers_home/	2021-11-21 22:18:54	info... am i missing something here? you're not wasting food; you're taking the leftovers home and eating it later, right? so how is it a waste of food and money?	[removed]	nta. i fail to see why this is such a big deal with your husband. is it possible be resents your weight loss? i mean tons of people go out to eat, can’t eat it all, and ask for a take out box. it’s standard almost everywhere. his making a huge deal out of this is hard to understand. when he is calm, sit him down and ask him why this is such an issue for him? as long as your not rushing him along, i can’t see the problem. again - maybe something else is driving this.. good luck.	info: not sure how you’re wasting food if you’re taking it home to eat later? surgery or not, how did he think weight loss worked, you eat less. nta but i’m going to guess he’s a bit resentful of other byproducts of you having lost weight.	nta. bariatric surgery can put a strain on a marriage because it changes the dynamic. the person who’s changing is more confident, less easy to control, and the spouse who held the power before can’t handle it. you’re not in charge of his insecurities. no one cares if you take food home, this is just what he’s decided to cut you down for. don’t take it.	isn't that the whole point of getting leftovers boxed up? to eat later? your husband seems like a total asshole. nta.	huh?? &#x200b; your weight loss can lead to a longer life. eat less live longer. so is he trying to shame you for not cleaning your plate? your a grown ass adult and can eat until you are full. it is not his job to shame you for not overeating. you literally have a smaller stomach and can not eat more. &#x200b; nta &#x200b; what is his stance on your weight gain?	nta. i live for to go boxes because that's lunch the next day. there's a mongolian place i go to and the leftovers are a good two lunches worth and it's even more delicious the next day. if the restaurant didn't want you to take it home, they wouldn't have to go boxes. it sounds like something else is going on. is he jealous of your weight loss? is he overweight? is he threatened in some way?	nta by taking the food home to eat later you’re doing the opposite of wasting it. is he jealous of your weight loss?	nta. for so many reasons. 1) you are not wasting food when you bring it home. you are going to enjoy it later. 2) you are not wasting money when you bring it home. you are enjoying flavors you might not be able to make yourself. 3) you are physically unable to eat more. it is legitimately dangerous to your health to force food down now, if i understand it correctly. 4) your surgery is your business. not even your husband's. it affects him not at all. 5) don't apologize to your friends. if they are your friends, they will understand. i do find it awkward to be the only person at the table eating. that is the only way in which your husband might not be tah. but with a group of friends, that wasn't happening. good for you, for taking control of your life. i know how hard it is to diet, to lose weight. if you set that goal for yourself, you are awesome. don't let anyone - even the man that you love (for some reason; he's not looking so great to us right now) - tell you how to live it.	INFO	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(32f) and my husband(35m) have been married for 3 years. i gained a ton of weight through my life and got weight loss surgery in 2019. the surgery shrank my stomach and i can't eat a ton. i do enjoy the meals by ordering smaller portions. my husband hates it when i order food and take it home. he thinks it's a waste of food and money. we recently went out to dinner with friends and i ordered a chicken dish. i felt full and asked if i could get a box. the waitress brings me over a box and i see my husband roll his eyes. he looks at the rest of the food and says there are a ton of people that would appreciate receiving a meal. i started to feel embarrassed and apologized to my friends. on our way home, husband and i got into a huge argument about the evening. he tells me that going out to eat isn't enjoyable since i got the surgery. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(32f) and my husband(35m) have been married for 3 years. i gained a ton of weight through my life and got weight loss surgery in 2019. the surgery shrank my stomach and i can't eat a ton. i do enjoy the meals by ordering smaller portions. my husband hates it when i order food and take it home. he thinks it's a waste of food and money. we recently went out to dinner with friends and i ordered a chicken dish. i felt full and asked if i could get a box. the waitress brings me over a box and i see my husband roll his eyes. he looks at the rest of the food and says there are a ton of people that would appreciate receiving a meal. i started to feel embarrassed and apologized to my friends. on our way home, husband and i got into a huge argument about the evening. he tells me that going out to eat isn't enjoyable since i got the surgery. aita? [/INST] info... am i missing something here? you're not wasting food; you're taking the leftovers home and eating it later, right? so how is it a waste of food and money? </s>
WIBTA if I asked my fiancée why he didn’t get the ring I wanted?	throwaway for obvious reasons.. hear me out though. my fiancée and i looked at a lot of rings. i don’t like traditional rings and i picked out a ring with a different stone, not a diamond that was priced at $149. this is not a money issue. he has a great job and makes plenty of money or i wouldn’t ask him at all. the thing is - he didn’t get me that ring. he made one himself. i do love that he spent time making this ring, but the little rhinestones keep falling off (they’re superglued on) and he has to repair it. it isn’t made of metal, so i can’t get it wet and i’m super paranoid about breaking the big stone. it just kind of makes me feel like i wasn’t even worth $150 out of one paycheck. i’ve seen ring posts on here where the woman wants something outrageous, but i wasn’t asking for much i don’t think. i don’t wear my ring all the time simply because it breaks and the stones fall out it definitely will not last. so, wibta if i asked him what happened to the one we talked about and picked out together? i probably don’t need to mention it, but i have been wondering about it and feeling like maybe the engagement wasn’t as important to him as i thought?	3,417	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jhumu8/wibta_if_i_asked_my_fiancée_why_he_didnt_get_the/	2020-10-25 14:55:09	nah, yet. for now, put the ring he made away for safekeeping. tell him that it has sentimental value because he made it for your engagement, but it has proved too fragile for daily wear, and that you would appreciate having a sturdy, more traditional ring as a symbol of his love for daily wear. although you showed him an example you liked, he could have been confused and overdid the quirky funk when you said you didn't want a traditional ring. if he can't understand this, he is maybe the a.	nta- he made you a ring with rhinestones that isn't even metal? what on earth is it made of, silicone? can we get pics?	are you sure it wasn’t a joke? i’m picturing some weird nonmetal ring with rhinestones glued on and i genuinely can’t imagine anyone seriously thinking that’s going to work. in any case, nta. what he gave you isn’t practical and sounds barely wearable.	nta. what the heck? $150 is super cheap for a quality ring. very affordable. and he counters by giving you a cheap homemade job? "will you marry me, op? this ring is a token of our love, proving to you that not only will i not listen to the things you tell me, but i will take the cheapest road possible, even if that leads to us breaking down on the side of the road in omaha, digging through the car for bus fare. so please op, will you join me on the road to ineptitude?" if it was me, i would nope right out of this relationship. it would be one thing if he worked with metals, but giving you a piece of crap that you can't get wet and needs constant repair? sounds like he gifted you a sick gremlin.	wow, what a ride. here's what i was thinking at each turn. >i picked out a ring with a different stone, not a diamond oh no, did he buy her a diamond, but she thinks they're generic or unethical? nta. >that was priced at $149. oh no, did he splurge $10,000 on a ring and she's afraid to wear it? nta. >he made one himself. uh oh, is op actually an asshole who doesn't appreciate her artistic fiancé's hard work and wants a name brand ring? >but the little rhinestones keep falling off (they’re superglued on) wait, what???	nta. you don’t want a ring that falls apart. but side note - a few weeks ago a man posted on here asking if it would be ok if he made his fiancé a ring instead of buying her one. maybe that was him?	nta wtf. super glued, metal, falling apart ring? to symbolize eternity and your relationship?! $150 is nothing and he should’ve happily gotten you that ring. the ring he “made” doesn’t sound sustainable.	it’s one thing to receive a homemade gift. it another when he obviously has no idea how to make jewelry and glued you a ring together. tell him that while you appreciate the gesture - the ring will not work and is falling apart. then ask if you could have the ring you wanted or go buy it yourself.	nta. your ring can’t get wet? items are super glued? what the hell? safe bet, he doesn’t think this relationship is going to go the long-haul.	oh my g. nta at all. you discussed rings. your fiancé knew which one you liked. the one he ‘made’ sounds like a cheap-ass flimsy cop-out. what is it made of if it’s not metal? wood? papier maché?	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.000485	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons.. hear me out though. my fiancée and i looked at a lot of rings. i don’t like traditional rings and i picked out a ring with a different stone, not a diamond that was priced at $149. this is not a money issue. he has a great job and makes plenty of money or i wouldn’t ask him at all. the thing is - he didn’t get me that ring. he made one himself. i do love that he spent time making this ring, but the little rhinestones keep falling off (they’re superglued on) and he has to repair it. it isn’t made of metal, so i can’t get it wet and i’m super paranoid about breaking the big stone. it just kind of makes me feel like i wasn’t even worth $150 out of one paycheck. i’ve seen ring posts on here where the woman wants something outrageous, but i wasn’t asking for much i don’t think. i don’t wear my ring all the time simply because it breaks and the stones fall out it definitely will not last. so, wibta if i asked him what happened to the one we talked about and picked out together? i probably don’t need to mention it, but i have been wondering about it and feeling like maybe the engagement wasn’t as important to him as i thought?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway for obvious reasons.. hear me out though. my fiancée and i looked at a lot of rings. i don’t like traditional rings and i picked out a ring with a different stone, not a diamond that was priced at $149. this is not a money issue. he has a great job and makes plenty of money or i wouldn’t ask him at all. the thing is - he didn’t get me that ring. he made one himself. i do love that he spent time making this ring, but the little rhinestones keep falling off (they’re superglued on) and he has to repair it. it isn’t made of metal, so i can’t get it wet and i’m super paranoid about breaking the big stone. it just kind of makes me feel like i wasn’t even worth $150 out of one paycheck. i’ve seen ring posts on here where the woman wants something outrageous, but i wasn’t asking for much i don’t think. i don’t wear my ring all the time simply because it breaks and the stones fall out it definitely will not last. so, wibta if i asked him what happened to the one we talked about and picked out together? i probably don’t need to mention it, but i have been wondering about it and feeling like maybe the engagement wasn’t as important to him as i thought? [/INST] nah, yet. for now, put the ring he made away for safekeeping. tell him that it has sentimental value because he made it for your engagement, but it has proved too fragile for daily wear, and that you would appreciate having a sturdy, more traditional ring as a symbol of his love for daily wear. although you showed him an example you liked, he could have been confused and overdid the quirky funk when you said you didn't want a traditional ring. if he can't understand this, he is maybe the a. </s>
AITA for ransacking my boyfriend’s apartment?	i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?	25,792	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0srja/aita_for_ransacking_my_boyfriends_apartment/	2022-04-10 22:28:55	nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run. you are not in so deep that you can’t get out.	nta his behaviour is controlling and unacceptable. your passport is not a small thing and you should be able to trust that important belongings are safe in your home. please seriously consider ending this relationship, he is showing you what your future will be like with him.	nta! even if you are in a relationship, the partner never has the right to do this kind of things to you!!!!! he stole your propery, he lied about it and then he victimized! nooo, gurl. leave him. this is not how relationships work. we all have our fair shares of arguments during a lifetime, but this is crossing the personal boundaries and also illegal.	nta. and run. there was no reason for him to take the passport in the first place except to keep you from going...leaving you out of all the cash you spent, isolating you from friends. he's trying to control you, and calling you "crazy" because you discovered the truth and he's trying to make you doubt it and yourself. run.	here's some perspective. your boyfriend is escalating. he's starting to do bigger and bigger things. there are hundreds of stories on this subreddit, on r/relationships, and any number of other places on this website, where it starts exactly like this. he started with small attempts at controlling you, and he's trying to move into gaslighting you. if the pattern holds, the real abuse comes next. hundreds of stories, with this exact pattern. it's not a coincidence. this is something you cannot possibly take seriously enough. at least he's only your boyfriend. it's easy to get out of this right now, and i strongly suggest you do. nta	nta. run. now. don’t go back to his apartment. in fact, stay in mexico till you have somewhere else to stay. i understand you’re unsure so here’s your validation. he’s controlling. it’s happening fast and will not stop. stealing your passport - he would not have given it back - is highly illegal, immoral, dangerous behaviour. now he’s gaslighting you saying you were “crazy”. after you caught him stealing your passport. do not stay with this man.	what's crazy is him hiding the passport in the first place. of course he's going to make his actions seem innocuous and gaslight you and your friends into thinking that you're the psycho. "i was gonna give it back sheesh" no he wasn't. you're an adult. he is not your father so he needs to stop acting like it. if he thinks hiding your things is going to get you to do what he wants, then this is why he's 34 and single. nta, get a new boyfriend.	nta. and hell no, it's not normal for someone to steal your passport to try to control you.	he hid your government issued identification because you wanted to leave the country temporarily for a friend's wedding and he couldn't convince you not to. you are definitely nta for not keeping things tidy trying to find it. his reaction makes me wonder what else he is hiding. i would seriously consider removing any possessions you consider irreplaceable from his living space lest they go missing also.	so many 🚩🚩🚩nta at all. he left you no choice to search the apartments since he decided to hide your passport. he must’ve forgotten that he went through your things first when he stole & tried to hide your passport. pack up all of your things & run don’t walk away from his crazy controlling ass!!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place? [/INST] nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run. you are not in so deep that you can’t get out. </s>
WIBTA If I kick my sister in law out of my house?	very short story, my husband invited his sister to live with us during quarantine since she lost her job due to corona. the problem is, she has always been rude to me and now she leaves her dirty dishes, doesn't take off her shoes when laying on my white couch, her dog piss on eveything and the other day, she even walked by pass me and said "there's dirty clothes on the bathroom" for me to clean........ her clothes for me to c-l-e-a-n. husband said we need to help her because its tough out there and he is right but i'm sick and tired of keep on playing cinderella with this shitty ass person. what else would you recommend me to do if kicking her out of the house is too much?	897	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6jh5o/wibta_if_i_kick_my_sister_in_law_out_of_my_house/	2020-08-09 13:38:49	info your husband sees nothing wrong with her treating you like a servant??	nta your problem is your husband. if you say she goes and he says she stays, then you don't have any power. you need to have a conversation with him and lay it out for him that you are tired of taking care of her and won't be doing so any longer. if i were you, i would stop cleaning up after her, doing her laundry, and feeding her. if your husband wants those things for his sister, he can do them.	nta. if your husband isn’t willing to sit her down and have a talk to her about her cleanliness, i’m not sure what other options you have. at the very least, if you’re husband isn’t on board, make him be the one to clean everything	nta if anything she should be cleaning yours and your husbands clothes for allowing her to live there and not kicking her and her untrained dog out to the streets	ywnbta. she sounds like a nightmare to live with, but if you simply must shelter her, then start calling her out on her bullshit. each and everytime, without fail. your dishes are on the coffee table. over and over until she picks them up. your clothes are on the floor. get your shoes off the couch. clean up after your dog. if she can't act like a adult, then treat her like the wayward child she is	nta: tell your husband one of the following 2 things is going to happen (1) he tells his entitled lazy sister to start pulling her weight (2) you will be expecting your husband to start doing her washing/cleaning as he obviously thinks more of her than he does you. pick her stuff up and dump it on his side of the bed to show him just what a dirty pig she is. do you clean up after him as well? does he leave clothes lying around? do you do all the washing up from all meals you cook? if the answer to any of these is “yes” then you have the root of your problem. hubby expects you to do everything for her as you do everything for him.	i will give you one advice. forget about your sil, make your husband uncomfortable. some options: \-she's not cleaning and... (here you describe everything she does)... then you leave a pause for your husband to excuse her (he will list that she's delicate, depression, bla bla) then... \-so, you're telling me, you're ok with me being mistreated, and used as a maid by her. and you're also ok with me doing all the chores, and that you consider i have to serve your sister, because her well being is more important than mine. there you have it. you're welcome. because in this point you leave him with 2 choices: 1- admitting it. and putting him on the position of saying verbally that he cares less about you than her. (if he does, you should dump his ass in that sec) 2- saying he doesn't agree with it, so you magically earn a way to really expect a solution, por example having him cleaning after the sister, or actually go and have a talk with the sister. on anyway, you put the ball in his yard. not your sister, not your problem <3.	nta, but get your husband on board. whilst you would be morally in the right to get her out of your house, your husband may not see it that way because your kicking out his sister whose down on her luck. state your case, give your examples, and if he puts his foot down, tell him he can do her laundry and dishes and clean up the dog piss then. you aren't her maid just because you married her brother.	nta - have you considered going away for a week or so and having some alone time to de-stress so that he's left alone with her and her mess long enough to stew in it? she's entitled and he's enabling.	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: very short story, my husband invited his sister to live with us during quarantine since she lost her job due to corona. the problem is, she has always been rude to me and now she leaves her dirty dishes, doesn't take off her shoes when laying on my white couch, her dog piss on eveything and the other day, she even walked by pass me and said "there's dirty clothes on the bathroom" for me to clean........ her clothes for me to c-l-e-a-n. husband said we need to help her because its tough out there and he is right but i'm sick and tired of keep on playing cinderella with this shitty ass person. what else would you recommend me to do if kicking her out of the house is too much?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> very short story, my husband invited his sister to live with us during quarantine since she lost her job due to corona. the problem is, she has always been rude to me and now she leaves her dirty dishes, doesn't take off her shoes when laying on my white couch, her dog piss on eveything and the other day, she even walked by pass me and said "there's dirty clothes on the bathroom" for me to clean........ her clothes for me to c-l-e-a-n. husband said we need to help her because its tough out there and he is right but i'm sick and tired of keep on playing cinderella with this shitty ass person. what else would you recommend me to do if kicking her out of the house is too much? [/INST] info your husband sees nothing wrong with her treating you like a servant?? </s>
AITA for telling my friend her parents bought her house, not her?	the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, i purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.	37,886	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/odfif9/aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_parents_bought_her/	2021-07-04 07:26:01	nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all.	nta. your friend definitely is. the employee probably just wanted to know if you rent your house or own it but the way he worded the question totally merited the "i bought it" answer. you didn't want to get more personal than that, but your friend decided to start playing games. is she normally competitive with you? because that's what it sounds like. this whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. i am sorry about the circumstances for your home ownership.	nta. holy crap, what would possess anyone to say this then grin?! i would argue that any person that revels in pointing out your deep personal loss to one up you to a total stranger is not your friend.	nta. your friend started the “let’s tell the truth” game, not your fault if you played along.	nta what a gross thing to say. why do people have such an issue with others inheriting? their parents died ffs. you were so within your rights to snap back like that and i’m glad you did.	“she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn’t afford to own without her parents help.” can she not see the absolute obvious thing that you both only own homes because you got them from your parents? you’re in similar situations to each other overall. she was lucky hers were able to help her while they’re still alive. i’m sorry for your loss. she was the one that felt compelled to share your personal information with a store worker for no good reason and then didn’t like it when you did the same to her. you wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t opened her mouth in the first place. she needs to grow up and accept she is only a homeowner because she got help from her parents. there is no shame in this, given how awful the housing market is everywhere. nta	nta. how on earth are your friends split 50/50 on this? what is their logic? she was being all smug and gloating about the house you just inherited after a tragic loss!!! who does that? and then she wants to play the victim?? this woman is not your friend and anyone who can't see that she's the ah is just being weird.	i am sorry for your loss, op i would say nta because, frankly speaking, it does not matter in that situation how you got a home. an employee just tried to have a polite conversation and you answered in a way that is less awkward. your friend didn't have to pull that.	the way i see it, you were gifted a house that your parents lived in, and she was gifted a house that her parents didn't live in. there's not much difference. nta, but your 'friend' is and personally i'd be reevaluating this 'friendship'. friends don't try to one up each other, score points, or put you down. you deserve better then this. if anyone spoke to me like that, it would definitely be the last time i ever went shopping with them. what's so great about this upity b****, that she's worth the abuse? like others have said, she was just rude, and it was completely unsolicited. >for the record what record? in her head you are adversaries. imagine what she must think of you, for her to have to say that.	nta. she was being needlessly rude.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50. [/INST] nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all. </s>
AITA refusing to go to my mom's new vacation home that she bought while we are struggling to afford housing?	my spouse and i have been struggling to find a home. we have outgrown our tiny apartment. we have a young child and want another, but we cannot afford a bigger place. we save and save but cannot catch up to the pace of house prices. my mother and her husband own three homes (soon to be four). while she heavily relied on her parents financially, she has not been there that way for me. through pandemic unemployment, high medical bills for our premature baby, and numerous other unfortunate expenses, she never offered any help. her and her husband, who considers himself my child's grandfather, own five cars, and periodically they abandon the cars at one of their vacation homes to "look like someone is home all the time." they planned on doing this with an additional car recently, one that was only a few years old. i expressed my hurt that they were planning to abandon yet another car while they knew we were struggling financially. housing costs have become such a struggle that a couple months ago, i applied for a job in a much cheaper state, 12 hours away. i told her about this, and although she is very close with her grandchild, she basically just said she'd visit a lot. it felt very much like "don't let the door hit you on the way out." ultimately a relative (who only has one home) intervened and offered to help us in the event we could no longer afford rent after the upcoming increase (expected to be an increase of around 800/mo). one month after i told her about applying for the job out of state, she told me that they got a beach place. i thought she meant a rental at first. it materialized that no, they purchased a home on the beach. she expected me to be thrilled. she even said they did it for us (me and my spouse and child). the price of the home is in the same price range of the sort of home we would like to buy--a 3/2--but that we have been priced out of over the last couple years. i was very hurt by this and felt like it was a slap in the face. well before closing, i told her i would not be able to go to their new vacation home (they have two others) because it would be too upsetting for me. it is an extremely frivolous expense in my view, when they already own two vacation homes in the same state as the new one. i don't feel entitled to their money, but neither do i want a front row seat to them wasting it while we struggle. for what it's worth, i would have zero problem if they used this money to pay off their existing mortgage or save for retirement or pretty much anything other than a third vacation home that is the cost of the home we are hoping to be able to buy. like the abandoned car, it feels like money is just being thrown away. and i know they can do what they want with their money, but i don't want to be in that house knowing they preferred having it to helping me and their grandchild. aita?	2,267	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vewgbk/aita_refusing_to_go_to_my_moms_new_vacation_home/	2022-06-18 02:38:05	info what did she mean when your mom said, "the beach house was for you?" that you would inherit it or benefit from it in some way? or that she wanted to spend time with you there? also, have you asked for help directly or just hoped they would volunteer it? what was the response?	you asked for judgement specifically on refusing to go to the vacation home. there’s a lot to unpack here that i might other judgements on, but focusing on attending the beach house, nta. as someone who grew up without very much, it’s hard to be around extravagance. when you can’t afford what others consider basics, it hurts and it’s embarrassing and i feel that. you don’t have the right to anyone’s money, so my judgement would change if you felt entitled to financial help. but if you’re reason for not attending is because it’s sad and painful to be around wealth when you’re struggling, i don’t think you’re the ah.	op from your comments it sounds like your mom doesn't have her own money (hence her parents helping her so much through her life or asking you for money previously) and married someone who has lots of money. it's his money to begin with and it sounds like it is still considered his money/he gets the decision-making about it - whether just in their marriage or legally their assets are divided. i'm not sure why you're blaming her here. i understand completely you don't want to go to the beach house but maybe she actually does wish she can help but it's not her choice. him not wanting to spend on his wife's family is also not unreasonable (even tho it's not particularly friendly). nah	nta they offered you an invitation, that does not mean you have to accept it. it seems like you understand that you are not entitled to their money. i can understand how this can be upsetting. “ they did it for us”	i’m wholeheartedly saying nta. man, i thought our situation was unfortunate. this is way worse. everyone i know has their house because family helped with the down payment or loan. my parents couldn’t do it for any of us which i understand because they had three kids and didn’t have a bunch of money laying around to pay for 3 down payments. my husbands mother on the other hand wants him to be thrilled for the homes she buys and flips. he once asked if she could help him get a loan and she said she didn’t want to risk not getting her next flip loan. we can afford payments but with the nature of work we can’t get a home loan. so ya, i don’t expect money or help from people either. but when you are blood relatives knowing your kids or whatever are in a tough spot, they 100% do not give a shit about your flip or vacation home. spend your money how you want. i don’t care. i don’t have to jump up and down for you.	nta. maybe it's a cultural thing, but i find all the comments calling op entitled, or saying it's their responsibility since they chose to have a family, and that they're not entitled to other people's money appalling. helping your immediate family out if you have the means seems the most natural thing to me. also, generational wealth isn't something people aspire to anymore? if anything, they could have offered their help by purchasing a property, which op could have paid for in installments, you know, much like rent, but instead of letting the money go to a greedy landlord, it goes back to your mom. call me crazy, but i'm not really into this "it's a dog eat dog world, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, expect nothing from anyone" mindset.	do what is best for your family. if that means moving 12 hours away for better col go. it is hard to listen to people brag about their finances when you are struggling. just go very low contact with her. tell her nothing about looking to move. tell her no thank you on beach house. hope you guys are able to relocate soon. nta.	nta- your mother is tone deaf to your situation because she's has no concept of what it's like to actually struggle, and she grew up in a generation where things were far easier to attain. if you were starving i wouldn't brag about the lavish meal i just had, it's just common decency. some people don't understand that the idea of hard work getting you places is a myth in america. i'm almost 40 and i enter the work force in the middle of a recession, and i've had to claw my way uphill to even finish school. also, it's important to point out that our parents generation profited off of their own parents' struggle. my parents are like yours and i know for a fact that my grandparents bailed them out multiple times when i was a child, because our grandparents generation knew what it was like to starve and recognized the importance of setting up family for success. as a parent who has struggled in the past, i can't imagine not doing everything in my power to help my children. people who say you're "entitled" are privileged and you shouldn't listen to them. lastly, just cut off your parents. i had to do that with my own mother for my mental health and i am much happier for it.	nta. as others have pointed out your mom and stepdad can use their money any way they see fit. but it says a lot about someone if they can watch their own child and grandchild struggle without helping them. especially if they have the means. i would feel unimportant and unloved if my mother treated me that way.	info: have you asked your mom directly to help you or give you money? if not, you can’t be upset about how they choose to spend their money. additionally, where did the money to purchase this house come from? is it her husband’s money, and do you have any relationship with him? you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to, but your reasoning and attitude are concerning.	INFO	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.025195	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my spouse and i have been struggling to find a home. we have outgrown our tiny apartment. we have a young child and want another, but we cannot afford a bigger place. we save and save but cannot catch up to the pace of house prices. my mother and her husband own three homes (soon to be four). while she heavily relied on her parents financially, she has not been there that way for me. through pandemic unemployment, high medical bills for our premature baby, and numerous other unfortunate expenses, she never offered any help. her and her husband, who considers himself my child's grandfather, own five cars, and periodically they abandon the cars at one of their vacation homes to "look like someone is home all the time." they planned on doing this with an additional car recently, one that was only a few years old. i expressed my hurt that they were planning to abandon yet another car while they knew we were struggling financially. housing costs have become such a struggle that a couple months ago, i applied for a job in a much cheaper state, 12 hours away. i told her about this, and although she is very close with her grandchild, she basically just said she'd visit a lot. it felt very much like "don't let the door hit you on the way out." ultimately a relative (who only has one home) intervened and offered to help us in the event we could no longer afford rent after the upcoming increase (expected to be an increase of around 800/mo). one month after i told her about applying for the job out of state, she told me that they got a beach place. i thought she meant a rental at first. it materialized that no, they purchased a home on the beach. she expected me to be thrilled. she even said they did it for us (me and my spouse and child). the price of the home is in the same price range of the sort of home we would like to buy--a 3/2--but that we have been priced out of over the last couple years. i was very hurt by this and felt like it was a slap in the face. well before closing, i told her i would not be able to go to their new vacation home (they have two others) because it would be too upsetting for me. it is an extremely frivolous expense in my view, when they already own two vacation homes in the same state as the new one. i don't feel entitled to their money, but neither do i want a front row seat to them wasting it while we struggle. for what it's worth, i would have zero problem if they used this money to pay off their existing mortgage or save for retirement or pretty much anything other than a third vacation home that is the cost of the home we are hoping to be able to buy. like the abandoned car, it feels like money is just being thrown away. and i know they can do what they want with their money, but i don't want to be in that house knowing they preferred having it to helping me and their grandchild. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my spouse and i have been struggling to find a home. we have outgrown our tiny apartment. we have a young child and want another, but we cannot afford a bigger place. we save and save but cannot catch up to the pace of house prices. my mother and her husband own three homes (soon to be four). while she heavily relied on her parents financially, she has not been there that way for me. through pandemic unemployment, high medical bills for our premature baby, and numerous other unfortunate expenses, she never offered any help. her and her husband, who considers himself my child's grandfather, own five cars, and periodically they abandon the cars at one of their vacation homes to "look like someone is home all the time." they planned on doing this with an additional car recently, one that was only a few years old. i expressed my hurt that they were planning to abandon yet another car while they knew we were struggling financially. housing costs have become such a struggle that a couple months ago, i applied for a job in a much cheaper state, 12 hours away. i told her about this, and although she is very close with her grandchild, she basically just said she'd visit a lot. it felt very much like "don't let the door hit you on the way out." ultimately a relative (who only has one home) intervened and offered to help us in the event we could no longer afford rent after the upcoming increase (expected to be an increase of around 800/mo). one month after i told her about applying for the job out of state, she told me that they got a beach place. i thought she meant a rental at first. it materialized that no, they purchased a home on the beach. she expected me to be thrilled. she even said they did it for us (me and my spouse and child). the price of the home is in the same price range of the sort of home we would like to buy--a 3/2--but that we have been priced out of over the last couple years. i was very hurt by this and felt like it was a slap in the face. well before closing, i told her i would not be able to go to their new vacation home (they have two others) because it would be too upsetting for me. it is an extremely frivolous expense in my view, when they already own two vacation homes in the same state as the new one. i don't feel entitled to their money, but neither do i want a front row seat to them wasting it while we struggle. for what it's worth, i would have zero problem if they used this money to pay off their existing mortgage or save for retirement or pretty much anything other than a third vacation home that is the cost of the home we are hoping to be able to buy. like the abandoned car, it feels like money is just being thrown away. and i know they can do what they want with their money, but i don't want to be in that house knowing they preferred having it to helping me and their grandchild. aita? [/INST] info what did she mean when your mom said, "the beach house was for you?" that you would inherit it or benefit from it in some way? or that she wanted to spend time with you there? also, have you asked for help directly or just hoped they would volunteer it? what was the response? </s>
AITA for not buying my GF the gift she asked for b-day?	this is throwaway account. i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants. at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal. also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job). so am i the asshole?	12,232	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdhusf/aita_for_not_buying_my_gf_the_gift_she_asked_for/	2022-01-26 22:08:06	yta. she got you a trip to turkey and you can’t cough up $250 for a nice set of knives? boy, you had better get those knives delivered today if you ever want to enjoy the results of your girlfriend’s cooking hobby again. you don’t need to be a professional to enjoy nice knives ffs.	yta. normally i'd say 'nah', but the fact that you stated that 'money is not the problem' changes everything. the only reason why you don't even want to give her those knives is because you think it's 'nonsense' because she is not a professional. you asked her what she wanted for her birthday since it's ''always a problem'' and she answered it and you just... immediately denied her request without even considering it. just buy her the damn knives already.	yta big time you asked, she answered - you don't get to decide if it's "legitimate". it's her hobby! if she was into bird watching would you scoff at buying decent binoculars? as it happens, $250 is a really good price for a nice hobbyist set. not a great set, just a decent set. you know nothing about cooking knives, clearly, based on the fact you think that's expensive for knives. also? having good knives makes a huge difference in the kitchen. it's a genuine pleasure to work with quality knives - something i'm sure she knows. you messed up not only by belittling her choice, but also by ignoring her after she finally answered. guess what - she's never gonna tell you what she wants again because she won't want to be disappointed by you.	so lemme get this straight… she provided a trip to turkey and you’re refusing a knife set? yeah dude, yta	yta. to begin with, why even ask if you didn't care about the answer? second, it feels like you didn't really say no in a very nice way. third, she got you a friggin trip to turkey! and you can't even give her something she asks for because you have decided that it's nonsense. d*ck move bro, buy her the knives and support her hobby. i mean, i'm pretty sure you also benefit from it.	bro just get her what she wants. yta especially if money isn’t the issue. you know much crazy useless shit guys buy for themselves without even thinking about it? baseball cards, video game skins, guns, gaming equipment, traveling etc… all ridiculous things and you can’t buy her some knives?	seriously? you asked what she wanted. she told you. you admitted that money isn't an issue. she got you a trip to turkey. yeah, i'd have to say yta. also, why is her request unreasonable? .	&#x200b; yta. if you can easily afford a gift, even if it's not something you would want yourself, it's patronizing to declare what she asked for "unreasonable". a person can only have a nice set of cooking knives if they're a professional chef?	yta. you can afford the gift, you just don't want to give it to her because she "cooks as a hobby" and you think it's "nonsense." she was absolutely right, there was no point asking her what she wanted if you weren't going to consider it. some good knives would actually be a great investment, especially since you probably benefit from her cooking.	yta. i am a “hobby cook” as you put it. actually, i am not a professional trained cook but damn i can cook. that set of knives your girlfriend asked for is reasonably priced for a set of knives. i have numerous knives for specific purposes. one small chef’s knife was nearly $200aus. my large chef’s knife substantially more. you get what you pay for. what’s more, a very sharp knife is safer to use than a blunt one. a good set of knives makes food prep a dream when cooking. a good set of knives will last a lifetime. may i suggest you get the knives and see the results for yourself.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is throwaway account. i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants. at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal. also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job). so am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is throwaway account. i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants. at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal. also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job). so am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. she got you a trip to turkey and you can’t cough up $250 for a nice set of knives? boy, you had better get those knives delivered today if you ever want to enjoy the results of your girlfriend’s cooking hobby again. you don’t need to be a professional to enjoy nice knives ffs. </s>
AITA for saying I don't want to be home because of my little brother's behavior?	don't chew me out just yet because the story will explain. my (19f) little brother (8m) has autism, anxiety, and adhd. he can become extremely attached to things as a result, which i completely understand as i also have autism. ever since he was younger, he's always been fascinated with legos. he's a "master builder," as my family calls him, since he can make his own creations without the use of instructions. he also loves building sets, and combined with my stepdad's (his bio dad) legos from when he was a kid, my little brother has enough legos to last a lifetime. however, lately he's been acting up. my mom, stepdad, and i will ask him to make his bed or clean up his toys, and he'll lash out at us. our final resort is asking him to do his chores or some (not all, since it's a lot) of his legos will be taken away for a certain amount of time, for example, for two days. when we even vaguely mention the legos going away, my little brother blows his top. he'll scream at us, hit us, and call us nasty names such as the b-word. he'll also scream about how he hates us and wants us to leave and get out of his life. my parents and i never talk like that around him so we have no idea where he's picking up this behavior. when we talk about it the next day, he'll say it's because of his anxiety that he acts up, and we're the reason that he gets angry. we all understand that he's only 8, but even at that age, even if it's difficult, he can learn to control his temper. yesterday he had one of his blow-ups again, and all of us were extremely upset as a result. he was blaming us for his behavior and calling us horrible curse words. my mom and stepdad handled the situation while i stayed silent, since i didn't want to interfere. eventually, my mom asked me how i felt about my little brother's behavior. i upfront told him that i don't like being in the house because of the way he acts up. my stepdad thought this was a very harsh thing to say to an 8 year old, but my mom said that my little brother needed to hear it. aita for saying that i don't like being home because of the way my little brother acts? i also feel like he needed to hear it but at the same time i can see why it might've been too harsh for an 8 year old to hear.	1,776	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hy98x9/aita_for_saying_i_dont_want_to_be_home_because_of/	2020-07-26 15:54:43	nah. my brother has autism and it was definitely at its worst when he was a child. it’s hard to redirect kids with autism but as his sister it really isn’t something you need to deal with. it’s up to your parents to help him in any way they can.	nta, easy, autism doesn't equal being incapable of empathy	i'm so sorry your having to deal with that but have you guys done any therapy or anything? like your parents on how to manage the little kids and the kiddo on how to manage his emotions.	nta. you said you didn’t like your brother’s actions, not that you didn’t like him, which is a good choice of words. the poor kid is obviously insecure about the legos, which seem to be part of his identity. maybe think of another punishment—if punishment as such is even productive in this situation.	nta. you linked not wanting to be there to the negative behaviour, so he can understand that it is his outbursts that are having that impact. i would definitely recommend discussing this with a doctor or ongoing physician who is looking after your brother, there are options.	nta. actions have consequences which your brother needs to learn and accept. unfortunately the real world only cares so much about his diagnosis and others outside of the family will not tolerate his outbursts. you didn’t say anything hurtful to him, you were fairly expressing your feelings.	nta, and while he's still young your mother and father should get him the right therapy to help him handle his anger without manipulation. you aren't doing anything wrong to make him angry, and if your parents let that stand he won't be able to live independently and socialize as an adult.	nah. heads up: kids at 9 or so get a surge of hormones that make them like that. he still needs to reigned in but this may pass.	nah you're not an ah for not wanting to be around your brother due to his outbursts and he is not an ah for having them as he is 8 and it's not easy to find therapists trained to help with children that have autism, anxiety and adhd.	nta we don't let our autistic 7 year old insult people when he's having a melt-down. that's just bad behaviour. when he melts down, he melts down, he doesn't insult. he spent most of the last two days crying as his epic - and i mean huge - minecraft saved game got corrupted and couldn't be salvafed. not once did he call any of us names. i appreciate that all people with autism experience it differently, but i also believe that everyone with autism can learn that screaming profanities at people is unacceptable.	NAH	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	0.006547	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: don't chew me out just yet because the story will explain. my (19f) little brother (8m) has autism, anxiety, and adhd. he can become extremely attached to things as a result, which i completely understand as i also have autism. ever since he was younger, he's always been fascinated with legos. he's a "master builder," as my family calls him, since he can make his own creations without the use of instructions. he also loves building sets, and combined with my stepdad's (his bio dad) legos from when he was a kid, my little brother has enough legos to last a lifetime. however, lately he's been acting up. my mom, stepdad, and i will ask him to make his bed or clean up his toys, and he'll lash out at us. our final resort is asking him to do his chores or some (not all, since it's a lot) of his legos will be taken away for a certain amount of time, for example, for two days. when we even vaguely mention the legos going away, my little brother blows his top. he'll scream at us, hit us, and call us nasty names such as the b-word. he'll also scream about how he hates us and wants us to leave and get out of his life. my parents and i never talk like that around him so we have no idea where he's picking up this behavior. when we talk about it the next day, he'll say it's because of his anxiety that he acts up, and we're the reason that he gets angry. we all understand that he's only 8, but even at that age, even if it's difficult, he can learn to control his temper. yesterday he had one of his blow-ups again, and all of us were extremely upset as a result. he was blaming us for his behavior and calling us horrible curse words. my mom and stepdad handled the situation while i stayed silent, since i didn't want to interfere. eventually, my mom asked me how i felt about my little brother's behavior. i upfront told him that i don't like being in the house because of the way he acts up. my stepdad thought this was a very harsh thing to say to an 8 year old, but my mom said that my little brother needed to hear it. aita for saying that i don't like being home because of the way my little brother acts? i also feel like he needed to hear it but at the same time i can see why it might've been too harsh for an 8 year old to hear.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> don't chew me out just yet because the story will explain. my (19f) little brother (8m) has autism, anxiety, and adhd. he can become extremely attached to things as a result, which i completely understand as i also have autism. ever since he was younger, he's always been fascinated with legos. he's a "master builder," as my family calls him, since he can make his own creations without the use of instructions. he also loves building sets, and combined with my stepdad's (his bio dad) legos from when he was a kid, my little brother has enough legos to last a lifetime. however, lately he's been acting up. my mom, stepdad, and i will ask him to make his bed or clean up his toys, and he'll lash out at us. our final resort is asking him to do his chores or some (not all, since it's a lot) of his legos will be taken away for a certain amount of time, for example, for two days. when we even vaguely mention the legos going away, my little brother blows his top. he'll scream at us, hit us, and call us nasty names such as the b-word. he'll also scream about how he hates us and wants us to leave and get out of his life. my parents and i never talk like that around him so we have no idea where he's picking up this behavior. when we talk about it the next day, he'll say it's because of his anxiety that he acts up, and we're the reason that he gets angry. we all understand that he's only 8, but even at that age, even if it's difficult, he can learn to control his temper. yesterday he had one of his blow-ups again, and all of us were extremely upset as a result. he was blaming us for his behavior and calling us horrible curse words. my mom and stepdad handled the situation while i stayed silent, since i didn't want to interfere. eventually, my mom asked me how i felt about my little brother's behavior. i upfront told him that i don't like being in the house because of the way he acts up. my stepdad thought this was a very harsh thing to say to an 8 year old, but my mom said that my little brother needed to hear it. aita for saying that i don't like being home because of the way my little brother acts? i also feel like he needed to hear it but at the same time i can see why it might've been too harsh for an 8 year old to hear. [/INST] nah. my brother has autism and it was definitely at its worst when he was a child. it’s hard to redirect kids with autism but as his sister it really isn’t something you need to deal with. it’s up to your parents to help him in any way they can. </s>
AITA for saying "I don't even know you" when a lady was pestering me about guacamole	i like to cook/bake/make food, alot of times i'll give some to my friends otherwise i'm eating it forever. a while back i was on a guacamole kick, when avocados were on sale i'd buy a bunch and make guacamole. over the weekend i was out with some friends. my friend "natalie" brought her friend "ray" who i've never met before along. somehow we started talking about mexican food and a different friend said that i make really good guacamole. ray said "oh i love guacamole maybe i'll get to try some someday". i just shrugged and said "yea maybe" because i had zero intention on giving her any but was trying it be nice. so we were watching basketball and ray brings it up again "well when do you think you'll be making some guac again?" i said "uhh, i don't know it all depends on avocado prices" she just said "oh ok" or something. then when i was leaving and saying goodbye to everyone ray said "hey let me know when you want to meet up so i can get some of that guacamole ". i said "dude i don't even know you, and it's not like i make it to order i only give it away to my friends if there's extra". she didn't really say anything and i left. today natalie text me and said i was unnecessarily rude and ray was just trying to be nice and friendly and get to know me. i said it's not "friendly" to keep trying to badger someone into giving you free food. she said that i still should have been nicer about it instead of snapping. i tried being nice and ray wouldn't take a hint, i've had people like her message me on social media wanting something and could totally see her doing that. aita	4,380	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tjfs5r/aita_for_saying_i_dont_even_know_you_when_a_lady/	2022-03-21 16:29:39	nah, but poor communication. if you are asked about something and respond vaguely positive, how would that person know you actually mean no?	next time: i'll send you the recipe! perfectly friendly, perfect shield against moochers. mild esh.	[deleted]	i’m either going with a soft yta or no one’s the ah. it’s sounds like you weren’t too fond of ray to begin with tbh. not only were there way nicer ways to tell her that you didn’t want to share some with her, but you also make it look like ray was trying to cheat you out of some free food, because she’s simply such a shitty person, when in reality, i’m damn sure she was just trying to be nice, was genuinely excited and maybe wanted to please you and bond with you over something you both clearly love. and that, honey, was the hint you missed. ray sounds lovely overall. however, i can’t be too sure of how this went down and it surely was also a lack of social skills on ray‘s side to not just simply drop it at some point. your friend’s right tho, snapping was just unnecessary, it’s not like you benefited from it.	yta you were unnecessarily rude and it sounds like ray was just trying to find a common ground with you. you must be a hit at parties.	dude no one wants or needs guacamole that bad. no one would go through so much effort just to mooch off you for a 2-min dip containing like 3 ingredients. clearly ray was using the one thing she knew about you, a skill which your other friend decided to accentuate, as a talking point. she simply used the information she had about your interests to engage you in conversation and attempt (poorly) to get to know you better. her first comment is a fairly textbook response when hearing about a mutual friend’s cooking. her second comment was an attempt to start a conversation about potential future hang outs. if she had more tact she could have just asked outright instead of using guac to beat around the bush, but maybe she didn’t want to appear too forward. still within the realm of normal conversation. she finally became more assertive in her third comment where she stated her true intention, “meeting up,” but again used guacamole as a social buffer. this was never truly about guacamole, guacamole was merely the stage upon which she tried to bond with you. i understand it can be annoying when people beat around the bush like that. and even more annoying when people can’t “take a hint”. but “dropping hints” in itself is your own form of beating around the bush. and instead of leading her on with wishy-washy, positive leaning answers and then getting rude when she didn’t get the memo, you could’ve just told her you were not planning on getting together again. it’s okay to have boundaries and to say no. but it is an asshole move to get bitter at people and assume they are being needy and entitled to your time (and food) if you never say so outright. in your comments you spoke of a similar experience where you made cookies people raved about, then got pissed when someone asked you if they could place an order for their family. the fact they were offering to pay shows they don’t just expect you to donate food to everyone. also that they asked, not demanded. why not practice using your words and saying “no” first before making such harsh judgements about people? if you said no and they still insisted, then they’d be at fault. but it sounds like you don’t even try to establish boundaries before deciding everyone around you is violating them and out to get you. yta, not a massive one, just reflect on your own communication skills.	i do think she was a bit much and i may be annoyed too, but you could have been nicer. it costs less to be kind than it does to make guacamole. even a noncommittal, "i don't make it often because it's expensive," or "yeah, i'll let you both know!" i'll say nah since you both kind of missed the mark imo.	yta say what you mean, and mean what you say. your first responses were misleading. the lady made the same kind of comment multiple times, and you gave waffling, but positive answers. nor as that lady aware of the context that you snapped to her. nobody told them that, and it's a very-specific-to-you arrangement, that nobody new to you could be expected to be able to guess or know without being told about it. you snapped because you were annoyed that your vague positive answer didn't dissuade someone from taking you at your vague words.	yta. saying “i don’t even know you” is just rude, especially when you met this girl through mutual friends, she’s not a stranger off the street. it’s not hard to say something along the lines of “i don’t plan on making guacamole any time soon but here’s my recipe, let me know how it comes out!” she was trying to be friendly with you and you shot her down. sounds like you missed an opportunity to make a friend.	yta. you were a dick for no reason to someone who onlt wanted to be nice and connect with you.	NAH	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.092802	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i like to cook/bake/make food, alot of times i'll give some to my friends otherwise i'm eating it forever. a while back i was on a guacamole kick, when avocados were on sale i'd buy a bunch and make guacamole. over the weekend i was out with some friends. my friend "natalie" brought her friend "ray" who i've never met before along. somehow we started talking about mexican food and a different friend said that i make really good guacamole. ray said "oh i love guacamole maybe i'll get to try some someday". i just shrugged and said "yea maybe" because i had zero intention on giving her any but was trying it be nice. so we were watching basketball and ray brings it up again "well when do you think you'll be making some guac again?" i said "uhh, i don't know it all depends on avocado prices" she just said "oh ok" or something. then when i was leaving and saying goodbye to everyone ray said "hey let me know when you want to meet up so i can get some of that guacamole ". i said "dude i don't even know you, and it's not like i make it to order i only give it away to my friends if there's extra". she didn't really say anything and i left. today natalie text me and said i was unnecessarily rude and ray was just trying to be nice and friendly and get to know me. i said it's not "friendly" to keep trying to badger someone into giving you free food. she said that i still should have been nicer about it instead of snapping. i tried being nice and ray wouldn't take a hint, i've had people like her message me on social media wanting something and could totally see her doing that. aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i like to cook/bake/make food, alot of times i'll give some to my friends otherwise i'm eating it forever. a while back i was on a guacamole kick, when avocados were on sale i'd buy a bunch and make guacamole. over the weekend i was out with some friends. my friend "natalie" brought her friend "ray" who i've never met before along. somehow we started talking about mexican food and a different friend said that i make really good guacamole. ray said "oh i love guacamole maybe i'll get to try some someday". i just shrugged and said "yea maybe" because i had zero intention on giving her any but was trying it be nice. so we were watching basketball and ray brings it up again "well when do you think you'll be making some guac again?" i said "uhh, i don't know it all depends on avocado prices" she just said "oh ok" or something. then when i was leaving and saying goodbye to everyone ray said "hey let me know when you want to meet up so i can get some of that guacamole ". i said "dude i don't even know you, and it's not like i make it to order i only give it away to my friends if there's extra". she didn't really say anything and i left. today natalie text me and said i was unnecessarily rude and ray was just trying to be nice and friendly and get to know me. i said it's not "friendly" to keep trying to badger someone into giving you free food. she said that i still should have been nicer about it instead of snapping. i tried being nice and ray wouldn't take a hint, i've had people like her message me on social media wanting something and could totally see her doing that. aita [/INST] nah, but poor communication. if you are asked about something and respond vaguely positive, how would that person know you actually mean no? </s>
AITA for not letting my boyfriend name our daughter Renesmae?	my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita?	27,090	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lmp6fs/aita_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_name_our/	2021-02-18 15:25:24	nta baby names fall into the "two yeses, one no" category. he absolutely sucks for the post and trying to use that as leverage to get his way. be careful about someone who uses such a tactic. your parents also suck for telling you to just go along with the name. at the hospital (presuming you're giving birth in one) i would tell the nurses not to let him sign the birth certificate without you eta your edit makes it even worse.. they get extra ah points for saying you should just go along with a name you don't want nor can you pronounce	info: he named your daughter after the lochness monster?!?	nta if he's getting this bent out of shape over figuring out a name you both can agree on, then i worry about his general preparedness for parenthood. your parents taking his side is concerning. he's wrong, you're right. find a name you both can agree on. if he digs his heels in and says it's renesmae or nothing, then effectively, he's waiving his right to a say. >"i can't wait to meet you renesmae." also, just for clarity, the twilight's character's name is renesmee. if it's him misspelling it, then how big a fan could he be?	nta. twilight discourse has ebbed, thank god, but your daughter will cop hell for being a renesmae, just like all the little samwises of this world. also, you both get a say. she's not his daughter. she is the daughter of you both. renee is a pretty nice name, though.	nta and this is a huge warning sign. if he refuses to let you have a say in your own babies name, how controlling is he going to be of you when you're raising a child together? you're 18 so yes you are an adult, and judging from what you've posted you're fairly mature, but is this guy seriously the one you want to spend your entire life with? he sounds like a 4 year old. anyways, nta and he needs to get a grip. it's your baby too, not just his. when you go into labour, make sure you inform everyone that he is not allowed to name the child in the event that you fall unconscious or are taken away for any kind of emergency treatment, incase he tries to pull something behind your back.	nta - also, make sure you give the baby your last name. your boyfriend doesn’t sound too bright, and doesn’t sound like he cares about you. i wouldn’t bet on the longevity of this relationship or him sticking around. in the hospital, you get to choose all of the babies names. as the person giving birth, and an unwed mother, you have all the legal rights.	other ppl will probably disagree with me but nta bc i agree that that is a really stupid name and a really terrible series ;) good luck!	nta he may have his heart set on this name but he shouldn't be posting on social media like that and trying to steamroll you. your parents are out of line too. i'm sure they are just freaking out because their 18-year-old pregnant daughter looks like she might be dumping the boyfriend and trying to figure out how to deal with that. letting him name your daughter the name that you hate is not a good idea, it's just the easiest way out of the conflict. if you were my daughter i would say that your boyfriend's behavior over this name issue is a red flag and it makes me worried that he's going to act out in the same way over and over again whenever you disagree. he's going to be the baby's father no matter what, so you are going to have to learn to set boundaries and stand your ground, so you did the right thing.	nta. as many, many, many previous posts on baby names - especially pop culture baby names - have established, if one parent doesn't like the name, it's time to move on to a new option. besides, even the majority of twilight fans i've encountered don't like reneesme as a name.	nta standard rule for baby naming is that either parent can veto a name. and that name is godawful so you should 100% veto it.	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita? [/INST] nta baby names fall into the "two yeses, one no" category. he absolutely sucks for the post and trying to use that as leverage to get his way. be careful about someone who uses such a tactic. your parents also suck for telling you to just go along with the name. at the hospital (presuming you're giving birth in one) i would tell the nurses not to let him sign the birth certificate without you eta your edit makes it even worse.. they get extra ah points for saying you should just go along with a name you don't want nor can you pronounce* </s>
AITA for telling my wife "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" when she asked me to stand up to my brother?	i have an older brother "tyler" who is technically my cousin. my parents adopted him when he was six months old and his dad died. my wife and my mom have a lot of issues. when my wife got pregnant my mom came on super strong and pushy, so my wife set a lot of boundaries and in my opinion was kind of rude about it. my mom reacted by completely withdrawing herself from the situation, one subpar present, no enthusiasm, no advice, and when she came to the hospital she did not ask to hold the baby. i have tried to talk to my mom about this, but my dad jumps in and gets very defensive. my wife and my mom got into a fight a year ago about how uninvolved my mom is and my wife said "you can't care about my kid but you can treat tyler like he is your actual son?" my mom screamed at her and i did step in, but when my mom calmed down tyler called her ignorant and a bitch, and honestly i didn't step in because it was shitty to bring up his adoption like that. tyler has always wanted to adopt, because he feels like my parents gave him a second chance and he wanted to do that for a kid. tyler and his wife got a baby girl three months ago, and my mom is in her glory, no restrictions, they even named her after her. tyler has made a few joking comments about not letting my wife near the baby because she is evil and seems to hate adopted babies. my wife asked me to stand up to him and i gave her a kind of smartass reply "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"	3,515	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jjwo9p/aita_for_telling_my_wife_play_stupid_games_win/	2020-10-28 21:21:17	esh you all sound horrible	esh. so, your mom got overbearing with your wife, your wife made a crap ton of boundaries, and your mom responded by basically cutting off your wife and new baby, and you think your wife is the only problem here? your whole family is a disaster. your wife was out of line about the adoption comment. your mom and brother are out of line on everything else. and you are out of line for not even bothering to try to facilitate a peace. your wife didn’t play stupid games. she responded to your mom, and you let the whole family escalate. i feel bad for the children that have to grow up in such a petty, toxic environment. holy cow.	esh. nobody’s even trying for the moral high ground here, you’re just all perfectly content to muck about in the swamp.	y’all sound fun.	info do you love your kid. as it's seems you're quite happy with you mother treating your kid like a burden, just because she doesn't like your wife. your wife set boundaries because your mother got to pushy, which is something you should've done, the this could have all been avoided. you all sound like very very petty people. god help those kids.	yta and it's weird how unbothered you are that your mother treats your child like that. if you don't want to stand up for your wife, surely you'd stand up for your kid.	esh. y’all are dysfunctional af.	esh. you all could have handled this situation better. everyone seems to have reacted in a way to make this as conflict-full as possible. your said a terrible thing. your mom shouldn’t have yelled. tyler shouldn’t have insulted your wife. you shouldn’t have been a smart aleck and could have been nice and supportive on that scenario. goodness. what an immature way to handle this you all seem to have settled on.	esh. your comment doesn't cut to the heart of the matter, does it? it's just a dodge: "leave me out of this because i'm smart enough not to play stupid games." the fact of the matter is, you are in it because these are your people. you haven't written what your relationship with tyler is like, but purely ethically speaking you should tell your wife, "i don't think you're evil, like tyler said, but your attitude toward his adoption is shameful."	esh your whole family sounds exhausting.	ESH	ESH	ESH	null	INFO	YTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	0.058926	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have an older brother "tyler" who is technically my cousin. my parents adopted him when he was six months old and his dad died. my wife and my mom have a lot of issues. when my wife got pregnant my mom came on super strong and pushy, so my wife set a lot of boundaries and in my opinion was kind of rude about it. my mom reacted by completely withdrawing herself from the situation, one subpar present, no enthusiasm, no advice, and when she came to the hospital she did not ask to hold the baby. i have tried to talk to my mom about this, but my dad jumps in and gets very defensive. my wife and my mom got into a fight a year ago about how uninvolved my mom is and my wife said "you can't care about my kid but you can treat tyler like he is your actual son?" my mom screamed at her and i did step in, but when my mom calmed down tyler called her ignorant and a bitch, and honestly i didn't step in because it was shitty to bring up his adoption like that. tyler has always wanted to adopt, because he feels like my parents gave him a second chance and he wanted to do that for a kid. tyler and his wife got a baby girl three months ago, and my mom is in her glory, no restrictions, they even named her after her. tyler has made a few joking comments about not letting my wife near the baby because she is evil and seems to hate adopted babies. my wife asked me to stand up to him and i gave her a kind of smartass reply "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have an older brother "tyler" who is technically my cousin. my parents adopted him when he was six months old and his dad died. my wife and my mom have a lot of issues. when my wife got pregnant my mom came on super strong and pushy, so my wife set a lot of boundaries and in my opinion was kind of rude about it. my mom reacted by completely withdrawing herself from the situation, one subpar present, no enthusiasm, no advice, and when she came to the hospital she did not ask to hold the baby. i have tried to talk to my mom about this, but my dad jumps in and gets very defensive. my wife and my mom got into a fight a year ago about how uninvolved my mom is and my wife said "you can't care about my kid but you can treat tyler like he is your actual son?" my mom screamed at her and i did step in, but when my mom calmed down tyler called her ignorant and a bitch, and honestly i didn't step in because it was shitty to bring up his adoption like that. tyler has always wanted to adopt, because he feels like my parents gave him a second chance and he wanted to do that for a kid. tyler and his wife got a baby girl three months ago, and my mom is in her glory, no restrictions, they even named her after her. tyler has made a few joking comments about not letting my wife near the baby because she is evil and seems to hate adopted babies. my wife asked me to stand up to him and i gave her a kind of smartass reply "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" [/INST] esh you all sound horrible </s>
AITA for banning my father from my home because he banned me from his when I was younger?	when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole?	26,198	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8znou/aita_for_banning_my_father_from_my_home_because/	2020-08-13 13:11:56	nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that.	nta - he chose his wife and stepdaughter over you. he deserves to know how that hurt you.	nta. you reap what you sow. he can never take back his choice but maybe you can if you feel like it.	nta - he asked, you told him (assuming this was all done civilly). you are certainly being very adult and a very good parent by letting him have a relationship with your son. good for you. it is up to you whether you may, one day, decide that you want to try and have a cordial relationship with him. maybe you might consider asking for some time for a conversation where you get the opportunity to tell him just how it felt, 13 years ago, to have your dad put his new wife and stepdaughter first, and all the painful emotions that went along with that decision. that the thought of having visits at your grandparents' felt like you were an outcast, etc. an indepth conversation with lots of "i felt. " sentences. then he might understand just why you are acting as you are now. i have done the same. i have been advised to not let the opportunity pass you by to speak your mind, because one day the parent will be gone and so will that opportunity. i spoke all my emotions, got everything off my heart. it did feel good. (didn't change the relationship. )	i think this one is a mixed bag and you're both at fault a little. you wrote "eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home." should he have just let the fighting continue? the way you explain it, it sounds like you were at fault - at least partially - for all the fighting. (you say you just "couldn't get along with" the step-mother.) no judgement, you were a teenager. but still. he didn't "ban" you from his home -- although i get why it's an an effective ban -- he asked to see you elsewhere to avoid terrible fighting . that seems reasonable. you're the one that then refused to see him. (maybe you're leaving out some details?) also "he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested." i'd like to know more about his attempts and why they didn't work. from what you wrote, it sounds like you were mostly the one pushing him away. (and i'm also keeping in mind that generally ops give their own side of the story - but still you haven't really given any examples of really bad behavior on his part.) there are a lot of examples of toxic people taking advantage of various ops in this sub, and lots of people should rightfully cut their toxic relatives out of their lives. but i disagree with a lot of the other commentators here that your dad is one of those toxic people. if you don't want to see him, then you don't want to, and don't feel obligated to. but if you're just doing a tit-for-tat "ban," ask yourself what do you think he should have done differently when you were getting into terrible screaming matches with your step mother and step sister. just let that continue? wouldn't allowing that to continue have been worse? why didn't you want to do visitation with him at a different house?	info: >when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. why couldn’t you get along with her? what was causing the friction between you and her daughter? >eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house who was starting the fights? what was the fighting about? without getting a clearer picture i can’t really give a judgement.	nta. your dad put his new family before you until his wife died if she was still alive he’d still be a deadbeat. i’m sorry you’ve experienced this and i hope you find your peace and healing.	nta and i'm sorry he did that to you. i'm going to share a personal experience not because it's the same but because i think it might clarify your situation and maybe bring you comfort in your decision, if not his. when i was young my father remarried a woman who... well, let's just shorthand it to say she likely wouldn't have married him if she'd known he would start asking for more visitation once he had a wife. she had already dumped each of her three children on whomever was nearest at hand in her search for yet another meal ticket so... yeah. i grew up spending more and more time with them (my mother was maternal only in the sense that she gave birth) and was hurt by how little interest he had in my actual person and feelings. i noted that he doted on her, catered to her, and would move the stars to keep her from sulking but my actual needs we're an inconvenience best ignored. i once made the mistake of asking him how he could place anyone so far above his only child and this was his response: "she is my wife. she will be in my life forever. you're going to grow up and get married but she will always be with me. when you have a family of your own you'll understand." i don't know if your father ever voiced this to you but it sounds like he absolutely thought it. now you have grown up. you have a spouse and a child of your own and (hopefully) you know just how wrong that sentiment is. and he is, contrary to his plan, without the woman he chose and catered to. this is not your fault. he made his choice. you protect yours.	esh, but mostly you. it seems like you played your fair part in making your home life horrible for everyone, which you have never acknowledged. it sucks you had to go live with your grandparents, but it seems like it wound up being the best solution for everyone, and sort of like you didn't leave him with any choice. you don't negotiate with terrorists, even when that terrorist is your own kid. he would have hated and resented you if you had imploded his marriage, either by driving his spouse away, or convincing him to leave her for the benefit of his caustically angry, unpleasant teen, just as you would hate and resent someone who did that to your current marriage. you are the one who blocked his attempts to regularly see you as a teen, and refused his multiple attempts to reconcile. if you hadn't, it's likely in a few months or so, you would have been invited over again, and possibly worked your way up to moving back in. this feels like a problem of your own making and you really need to go to therapy.	how is everyone voting nta without having any idea what happened with op and his stepmother/stepsibling. there’s an assumption here that they were in the wrong and op’s dad kicked him out for no reason. for all we know, it could have been op making this a bad situation. apparently op’s dad made attempts to fix their relationship. if the issue was op, then it still wasn’t right to just ship them off to the grandparents, but there is a lot missing from this post. that being said op has no obligation to have their dad in their life, but i’m suspicious as to whether the dad is completely at fault.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	0.041117	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that. </s>
AITA for losing my temper on multiple judgemental women over pregnancy?	this is a new situation for me, and i can't find anything like it anywhere. i come from a community where infertility is very common. my adoptive parents couldn't get pregnant and adopted me. my husband's parents adopted him and his brother after they couldn't get pregnant. my adoptive mother's two sisters also couldn't have children, nor could my adoptive father's adoptive mother. my biological mother and my adoptive mother's parents have passed. i do not know of anyone in my immediate or close extended family who has ever had a biological child. i got married, and i was so much expecting problems that i was shocked to get pregnant. i'm in the second trimester, and things are going routinely. to emphasize the main 'thing' here is that i am the first woman in two generations to have a pregnancy in living memory. naturally, i try to be sensitive but apparently i'm "milking" it by complaining of my various (normal) illnesses and problems. they say that i'm making it up and that it's not that bad. after months of this from everyone, i ended up blowing up at a family dinner and asking a room full of barren women how the hell they would know how bad i was feeling and what pregnancy even feels like. multiple people started crying and my husband took me home. i feel bad but honestly they need to take a class on it or at least get off my back. aita here?	6,148	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cq3qzs/aita_for_losing_my_temper_on_multiple_judgemental/	2019-08-14 02:58:36	esh... this is a touchy subject for them, so saying what you did was definitely an asshole move. however, they should be more considerate when it comes to what you are going through.	i'm going with esh. you're not wrong, pregnancy is hard and your feelings are vaild. they don't have any idea what you're going through so they shouldn't tell you how to feel about it or try to judge you for how you're handling it. you're an asshole for that shot below the belt though. you're fortunately never going to know what it must feel like to never know what it's like to carry a child, and i'm certain that stung bad when you brought up their infertility because they're probably jealous to a degree. i think that everyone involved needs to have some empathy and not make such hurtful remarks.	nta. pregnancy can be straight up brutal and to be told you’re milking it (which would have been only cool if pun intended) or making it up is unacceptable. yes, you may have been harsh but it sounded like they were projecting their resentments onto you experiences	esh. on the one hand, pregnancy is from everything i've heard a tremendously physically stressful experience. you are allowed to complain about the fact that you are so often uncomfortable, and for them to diminish your experience or insist you're not feeling what you're feeling is mean, insensitive and condescending. they need to actually show you some respect, both as a pregnant woman and just another person - not telling someone what they feel is a basic universal principle they shouldn't need a class on pregnancy to follow. on the other hand... it sounds like this is probably coming from a very specific place on their part. you're the first woman in living memory to have a pregnancy because you are from a family of women who very much wanted to get pregnant and couldn't. that's a tremendously hard experience, and one that for a lot of women is a top two or three life regret. i'm sure that on some level, either close to the surface or deep down, there's some resentment, and that's exacerbated by your comments about the discomforts of pregnancy - to them it comes off like a rich person complaining to a minimum wage worker about how much the hotels cost on the minimum wage worker's dream luxury vacation. it feels like rubbing salt in the wound. that doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does seem to explain why they seem to be so irritated at you... and it makes you referencing the fact that they couldn't get pregnant when yelling at them especially cruel. just as their unhappiness about their inability to get pregnant doesn't excuse their being dismissive of the stresses you're going through right now, your unhappiness with their disrespectful treatment of you doesn't excuse you referencing a major disappointment of their lives in yelling at them.	info: > i ended up blowing up at a family dinner and asking a room full of barren women how the hell they would know how bad i was feeling and what pregnancy even feels like. did you refer to them as barren women, or just simply say 'how the hell would you all know how bad i was feeling and what pregnancy even feels like?'	nta. i can’t congratulate you enough for your pregnancy. i can’t have natural children and i have family history of many miscarriages and infertility so i get your situation and i would hope my infertile family wouldn’t be disappointed or judgemental if i did have natural children. enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your baby, screw their opinions. i’m sick of people pussy footing around infertile girls like me. if any of my pregnant friends ever want to go deep into detail about their pregnancies i’ll happily listen because at the end of the day you’re a human growing a human. you deserve to be understood	info. you say you’ve been told for months now that it isn’t that bad and you’re milking it. does that mean that you have been complaining for months about normal pains and illnesses to a bunch of couples who can’t get pregnant? or do i misunderstand something here?	i just have to ask, do you all live next to some known ecological disaster or is it just a huge coincidence? esh it’s annoying that they can’t be happy for you in your time of joy, but it sounds like you went fully scorched earth on their asses. maybe don’t rub salt in their giant gaping wounds so purposefully.	info how can we possibly know whether your reaction was out of line if we don’t know exactly what each of you said and did before the blowup? it’s equally possible that you were or were not milking it	oof! first off- congratulations! i wish you all the luck in the world! pregnancy really can be super tough! buuuuutttt, esh- listen, i get that straw that broke the camels back kinda thing. for sure, and especially during pregnancy. like, you have every right to be fed up. but it sounds like you responded in a way that you knew would be extra hurtful. cant say i blame you, but it sounds realllly harsh. they obviously suck for dragging you like they are. i would hope and assume that they would be happy for you, and if anything baby you a bit more just out of excitement, but it sounds like they are a group of bitter and ignorant people. they could take a class, but why would they? theyve never been pregnant and i assume they dont want to spend the time and money on that sort of thing. they definitely suck also. id say you need to apologize for the way you exploded on them- something like ; " i know you guys are frustrated with my complaining, but these are standard problems during pregnancy and it hurts that you would accuse me of milking it- i know it may be annoying but i could really use some more support right now" then offer online resources for them if they want to know more. but dont push it. good luck hun!	ESH	ESH	NTA	ESH	INFO	NTA	INFO	ESH	INFO	ESH	0.512521	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a new situation for me, and i can't find anything like it anywhere. i come from a community where infertility is very common. my adoptive parents couldn't get pregnant and adopted me. my husband's parents adopted him and his brother after they couldn't get pregnant. my adoptive mother's two sisters also couldn't have children, nor could my adoptive father's adoptive mother. my biological mother and my adoptive mother's parents have passed. i do not know of anyone in my immediate or close extended family who has ever had a biological child. i got married, and i was so much expecting problems that i was shocked to get pregnant. i'm in the second trimester, and things are going routinely. to emphasize the main 'thing' here is that i am the first woman in two generations to have a pregnancy in living memory**. naturally, i try to be sensitive but apparently i'm "milking" it by complaining of my various (normal) illnesses and problems. they say that i'm making it up and that it's not that bad. after months of this from everyone, i ended up blowing up at a family dinner and asking a room full of barren women how the hell they would know how bad i was feeling and what pregnancy even feels like. multiple people started crying and my husband took me home. i feel bad but honestly they need to take a class on it or at least get off my back. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is a new situation for me, and i can't find anything like it anywhere. i come from a community where infertility is very common. my adoptive parents couldn't get pregnant and adopted me. my husband's parents adopted him and his brother after they couldn't get pregnant. my adoptive mother's two sisters also couldn't have children, nor could my adoptive father's adoptive mother. my biological mother and my adoptive mother's parents have passed. i do not know of anyone in my immediate or close extended family who has ever had a biological child. i got married, and i was so much expecting problems that i was shocked to get pregnant. i'm in the second trimester, and things are going routinely. to emphasize the main 'thing' here is that i am the first woman in two generations to have a pregnancy in living memory**. naturally, i try to be sensitive but apparently i'm "milking" it by complaining of my various (normal) illnesses and problems. they say that i'm making it up and that it's not that bad. after months of this from everyone, i ended up blowing up at a family dinner and asking a room full of barren women how the hell they would know how bad i was feeling and what pregnancy even feels like. multiple people started crying and my husband took me home. i feel bad but honestly they need to take a class on it or at least get off my back. aita here? [/INST] esh... this is a touchy subject for them, so saying what you did was definitely an asshole move. however, they should be more considerate when it comes to what you are going through. </s>
AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?	over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita?	29,712	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0oqvb/aita_for_telling_relatives_how_much_i_make_and/	2020-07-30 16:08:27	nta. he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself. don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto	nta typical boomer bullshit. you work hard and have skills that companies are willing to pay that much for. good for you. it's not like you were rubbing it in his face either, he was pushing the topic. this just reeks of jealousy, pettiness and insecurities (of your uncle). he was being rude not you.	nta for answering a question, but you should also have a clue now why talking about your salary is probably not a good idea.dont get me wrong, i absolutely believe you deserve it - salary is dependent on demand and supply and if you are a good software engineer, you get a high salary. i (43f) work in a tech company (no software engineer) but am also an expert in my field and i also have a very good salary. i was a freelancer for 10 years before that and also made very good money - so i can afford things like a big apartment and so on and so forth. i stopped talking about the money i earn, including to family because it causes envy and lots of revulsion - in my case mostly from the husbands or boyfriends of my female friends or male relatives. they dont get how a woman can earn this much money (scandalous!!!) bc they compare themselves and 99% of them earn 2/3 of what i earn at best. even though i find it ridiculous and shameful for them, i kinda get it. lets face it: salary is not something that is fair. a nurse, kindergarden-teacher etc. earn much less, but their jobs are at least as important or stressful as mine. the reasons why i earn this much, is bc in the industry i work in there is big money and specialized people earn lots of money. good for me! yes, i earned this through hard work and education and even more hard work - but do i earn it more than my sister who is a very skilled kindergarden-teacher or a nurse? of course not. and those people who get aggitated are comparing themselves with you (and in your case your young age), remember what they earned then and what they earn now and start feeling bad about themselves and find it unfair. its their problem that they cant take a step back and see the big picture, but you can in the future prevent these kind of conflicts or people having bad feelings if you just dont specifically talk about the exact amount. as i said: you are not responsible for the feelings of other people, due to your success - but if you want a peaceful life: dont give out the exact amount, stay vague and say: i earn quite well for my age or i earn good and put money aside or whatever. (unless you want to annoy someone - then go ahead. who asks, gets the answer they deserve) ;) ps: english is not my native language. pps: i just saw that you are female. young, female and sucessful that is even more scandalous!!!!! ;) good for you - you rock!	nta. text him everytime you get a raise	nta, this is the same guy telling young people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. he's just pissed that you did.	nta. >insulted my uncle’s intelligence there was nothing to insult.	nta. he asked a direct question. you provided a direct answer.	just out of curiosity, how much do you make?	nta. he shouldn’t have asked if he was gonna be upset about the answer	i know this is super unpopular, but slight esh. you are pretty fresh out of school and making a ton of money as a software engineer. your uncle is a (possibly?) blue collar worker who has spent a whole career and made a fraction of the amount that you do. now that you are making bank you need to practice a little tact when speaking with those that made considerably less than you. the uncle is a huge ass here mostly stemming from his clear insecurity about his salary, but it's really best not to engage here. you say: “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” the insinuation here is that you work harder and are more valuable than your uncle who has decades of work experience. i don't know what he does, but i do know a ton of skill-based laborers who work their assess off and work way longer hours than most of my software engineering friends. i'm sure you work hard but that's not the reason you are making so much money. the reason you are making so much money is because you are smart, but also you had the opportunity to be trained in an extremely valuable trade. an opportunity that many, possibly your uncle, did not have. although it may be the case that you are now more valuable, economically, than your uncle, it's not something that you should be flaunting in front of him. in a situation like this, simply rise above and don't engage. by arguing that you, a fresh college grad, is more valuable to society than your seasoned uncle is really just twisting a dagger. doesn't matter if it's true or if he provoked it, just avoid the situation and say, "yeah, crazy right?" or "i'm sorry you feel that way". you have nothing to prove or gain from trying to convince him that your salary difference is justified.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita? [/INST] nta. he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself. don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto </s>
AITA For Letting My Children Decide if they want to see their stepmother	quick back story: i have 9m and 12m boys. their dad and i have had a 5 year custody battle, which ended with me getting 80% custody. he married last year. he is currently deployed. my ex’s father texted me that he wanted to see his grandsons on the 24th of this month. i was ok with that and the boys were excited to see their papa. i asked him if he was going to take them anywhere and see anyone else. covid is still prevalent where i live and we see my nephews (4m and 2m) and niece (6 months) several times a week. he said that he was arranging to see his son’s wife with the boys. i had originally told my ex that if his wife wanted to see the boys, all she would have needed to do is text me. i would try to arrange it. he didn’t tell her, so she thinks i’m keeping them away from her. i was not comfortable hearing about who they were going to see. so, i asked him to have her ask me. i asked both boys whether they would like to see their bonus/stepmother. both of them immediately answered no. i texted her and my ex back and said that i was sorry, neither boy wanted to see her. perhaps next time. my oldest has been quite verbal about his stepmother. she is always yelling at him, especially when he does homework. he does not like her. i have told their father, but i am constantly being accused of being jealous. so, aita? thank you for saying that i am right to advocate for my children. for the naysayers, you are also right that there is a lot of information that i left out. i did that on purpose because the truth is a lot uglier than what i wrote. i hope you find some peace if your life. i know that i have fought and earned mine.	2,419	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mui4xf/aita_for_letting_my_children_decide_if_they_want/	2021-04-20 03:58:14	nah i mean they're 9 and 12, dad it's deployed. they don't want to see her. i don't see why they should see her. do they talk to dad while he's deployed?	nta. good for you for giving your children a voice in the matter. if they do not want to see her they should not have to end of story.	nta they're old enough to decide for themselves. however, i would take the boys' statements with a grain of salt. speaking from experience as a stepmom, kids can and will exaggerate things that happen because they think they're supporting their favored parent, especially if there's been a contentious custody battle. you should reach out to the stepmom yourself and try to build relationship with her directly, separate from the kids. you don't have to be friends, but if you want your kids to see her as a bonus mom, you need to treat her like one, too. my stepkids' mother always saw me as an interloper when they were young, even though i never acted in any way like i wanted to "replace" her, so they grew up telling me that "steps aren't real family" instead of seeing me as a bonus mom.	nta. your first responsibility is to your children and protecting their emotional well being. if they don't want to see her, they shouldn't have to.	nta and i don’t think it’s your job to enforce the cultivation of your kids relationship to their stepmother. i’m still confused on why any kids would be seeing their step mom sans the dad anyways, but maybe that’s just me?	nta, since the kids don't like to be around her and don't want to see her.	nta. this woman sounds mean and exhausting. and so what if you keep them away from her? she has no claim on them from what you say. she's just their dad's wife, and he only has 20% custody.	nta. my dad remarried when i was 2 - perfect opportunity for his wife to be a bonus mom. it didn't happen, and seeing her was just the side effect of seeing our dad. not every blended family is the brady bunch. your kids have to take their stepmother when their dad is around, but i sure don't see why they should have to see her when he isn't.	big nta	nta. forcing your kids to spend time with someone they don’t like is not going to benefit either of them. i had a stepdad who was verbally abusive and overly critical of me but unfortunately he married my mom so i had to live with them. i wish i had the choice not to see him as a child. the way he treated me was damaging, and he showed obvious favoritism towards my sisters who were his biologically and my mom chose to turn a blind eye to it. it’s important to listen to children instead of ruling with an iron fist. you are doing the right thing.	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: quick back story: i have 9m and 12m boys. their dad and i have had a 5 year custody battle, which ended with me getting 80% custody. he married last year. he is currently deployed. my ex’s father texted me that he wanted to see his grandsons on the 24th of this month. i was ok with that and the boys were excited to see their papa. i asked him if he was going to take them anywhere and see anyone else. covid is still prevalent where i live and we see my nephews (4m and 2m) and niece (6 months) several times a week. he said that he was arranging to see his son’s wife with the boys. i had originally told my ex that if his wife wanted to see the boys, all she would have needed to do is text me. i would try to arrange it. he didn’t tell her, so she thinks i’m keeping them away from her. i was not comfortable hearing about who they were going to see. so, i asked him to have her ask me. i asked both boys whether they would like to see their bonus/stepmother. both of them immediately answered no. i texted her and my ex back and said that i was sorry, neither boy wanted to see her. perhaps next time. my oldest has been quite verbal about his stepmother. she is always yelling at him, especially when he does homework. he does not like her. i have told their father, but i am constantly being accused of being jealous. so, aita? thank you for saying that i am right to advocate for my children. for the naysayers, you are also right that there is a lot of information that i left out. i did that on purpose because the truth is a lot uglier than what i wrote. i hope you find some peace if your life. i know that i have fought and earned mine.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> quick back story: i have 9m and 12m boys. their dad and i have had a 5 year custody battle, which ended with me getting 80% custody. he married last year. he is currently deployed. my ex’s father texted me that he wanted to see his grandsons on the 24th of this month. i was ok with that and the boys were excited to see their papa. i asked him if he was going to take them anywhere and see anyone else. covid is still prevalent where i live and we see my nephews (4m and 2m) and niece (6 months) several times a week. he said that he was arranging to see his son’s wife with the boys. i had originally told my ex that if his wife wanted to see the boys, all she would have needed to do is text me. i would try to arrange it. he didn’t tell her, so she thinks i’m keeping them away from her. i was not comfortable hearing about who they were going to see. so, i asked him to have her ask me. i asked both boys whether they would like to see their bonus/stepmother. both of them immediately answered no. i texted her and my ex back and said that i was sorry, neither boy wanted to see her. perhaps next time. my oldest has been quite verbal about his stepmother. she is always yelling at him, especially when he does homework. he does not like her. i have told their father, but i am constantly being accused of being jealous. so, aita? thank you for saying that i am right to advocate for my children. for the naysayers, you are also right that there is a lot of information that i left out. i did that on purpose because the truth is a lot uglier than what i wrote. i hope you find some peace if your life. i know that i have fought and earned mine. [/INST] nah i mean they're 9 and 12, dad it's deployed. they don't want to see her. i don't see why they should see her. do they talk to dad while he's deployed? </s>
AITA for giving away my grandparents’ gift intended for my fiancé	every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita?	27,708	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/klazu5/aita_for_giving_away_my_grandparents_gift/	2020-12-27 20:38:36	nta. your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent's homophobia. good for you. your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture.	nta. the money was a gift so it was yours to do whatever you wanted with. you made a point to your family and stuck up for your cousin’s relationship. good for you. maybe have a word with your fiancé to reiterate it wasn’t a message for her.	nta- you framed it perfectly for making it fit into their gifting rules. they're just mad that you called out their bigotry. keep up the good work!	nta - your family sucks...anyways you can just give 250 to your fiance and say that you gave money from your half to your cousin	info: did the resulting situation and early departure upset your cousin? would he have preferred to fly under the radar and enjoy the festivities and deal with it later? if the answer to the question is “no, it did not bother him.” then nta. that $500 was your money, to do whatever you want with. you can give it away, you can make a paper fan out of it, you can practice origami, you can spend it on anything. it was yours. and your family sounds like a bunch of bigots.	nta. you didn't reject your fiancée in front of everyone because, according to the note they said "share with your spouse." you don't have one yet. once you opened that envelop it became your money.	i don't think you're ta for giving your gift away. it was your money to do with what you want. i think you did an incredibly generous thing. also how you said "you think there's been a mistake" was a really nonconfrontational way to address the intended slight against your cousin and open dialogue. it really sucks your fiance felt disrespected or hurt. i can see how she would feel awkward when trying to fit in with your fam. i feel for her. at the same time, if i were the fiance i would feel proud of you for defending your cousin who was obviously slighted. i know those were two opposing statements. i don't think you could have seen that unintended consequence of giving your gift to your cousin. so in that situation i don't feel like you're ta. i'm really proud of you for doing a generous thing. it wasn't the easy thing, you did it anyway. side note, damn what the hell is gram and gramps doing that they can give 300 and 500 to their grandkids?!?!	nta, you are the 1 true ally your cousin has and i guarantee you, he will remember that act for decades to come. info: how the hell does your fiancé think your action was a rejection of her? rules are pretty clear: married couples get the $500. you not only aren’t married (yet), but you were also protecting your cousin and his husband from bigoted people. she should be backing your efforts, not disagreeing with them.	>my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. ummmmmmmmm, you didn't reject her, you correctly stated you weren't married yet, and stood up for your cousin at the same time. i'd have some concerns about her feeling hurt in this situation, i'd be proud of you if it were me in her shoes. nta, but i think you're not getting cash from grandma anymore. maybe you can celebrate the holidays with cousin and spouse?	nta, once you give a gift, it doesn't belong to you anymore, so it was your money to dispense as you please. it's pretty obvious why you chose to dispense it that way, it sounds like your fiancee is scraping the barrel for a reason it make it about her and not your family's homophobia.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita? [/INST] nta. your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent's homophobia. good for you. your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture. </s>
AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?	to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.	29,450	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh8f8j/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/	2019-12-29 17:13:23	nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying.	nta why the fuck should they care? if anything they should be proud that your fiance wants to take your name. it is sexist, and it's ridiculous. and if nothing else, it's your name, your fiance and your marriage. do it. they'll get over it	nta. what the fuck are the dudes in your family thinking even? it just makes no sense. give your fiancé your last name if that’s what you and him want.	nta. fuck patriarchy. i wouldn’t give up my last name either. do what makes you happy. your father and brother should be happy about sharing their family name.	nta. fuck the patriarchy. i don’t understand why men get so weird over a fucking name.	nta. it’s your name to pass on as you like. what a pile of misogynistic bullshit.	nta you're correct that your father and brother are being sexist. there's no valid reason they could give that would make sense. if you were a single parent, you'd pass your family name on to your child. why should it be any different if you're married and you and your spouse agree? you're giving your future husband a beautiful gift. congratulations on the family the two of you are creating together.	nta- this shit is so sexist, like you’re not also a part of the family that can carry the name??	nta. it’s your name just as much as his. it’s also about to be 2020, how is he getting precious about who carries on the name? his opinion on your marriage doesn’t get a vote.	nta - enjoy your marriage	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough. [/INST] nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying. </s>
AITA for giving what was supposed to be my wedding dress and jewellery to my sister for her wedding instead of returning them to my ex-fiancé?	i was supposed to get married in 2019 but we broke up a month before the wedding. my wedding dress and jewellery were paid for by my ex and i only received them after the breakup. when we broke up, i tried to return my engagement ring to him but he refused to take it back so i assumed he wouldn’t want the dress or jewellery back either. my sister got married a year later and i gave her both the dress and the jewellery as realistically i could never wear them but they were far too beautiful for someone not to have their special day in them. last year, me and my ex reconnected and we’ve started dating again. i asked him recently why he never cancelled the dress and jewellery after we broke up, which led to him asking if i still had them and me having to explain i gave them both to my sister. well, now he’s angry at me. he said i should’ve asked him before i gave it to her but he and his family had all blocked me everywhere, so unless i stalked him in person, i wouldn’t have been able to. he also made some absurd claims like the dress and jewellery clearly meant so little to me so it was a good thing i never married him in them, which isn’t true. aita?	1,058	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rwqpu6/aita_for_giving_what_was_supposed_to_be_my/	2022-01-05 16:26:06	info why on god's green earth would you get back together with someone you broke up with a month before your wedding? people who are compatible don't break up a month before their wedding. people who break up a month before their wedding have major issues...issues that aren't magically resolved because of time and distance. yall have issues. and unless you work it out in therapy, this is never going to work. his reaction to all of this all but reinforces this fact.	geez, you tried to give him back the ring, he said no, so i think you correctly assumed he did not want the other items, so you gave them to your sister, then he gets pissed off over it. you need a new boyfriend. nta.	why are you with him again if he was so petty that he blocked you on everything and then gets mad that you didn't ask him for permission while blocked? 🙃	nta actually he was right, it was a good thing you didn't marry him, it makes dumping him again so much easier.	nta but please stay broken up. he's not kind!	nta. ummm was the first breakup not enough for you both that you two wanted to do it again? it doesn’t sound like this second go around is off to a great start.	don't you know that you were to be forever jilted spending your days in a decrepit, web-filled victorian housewearing the dress and jewelry?	nta &#x200b; he and his family blocked you....how did he expect you to ask? no really..lean on this..how can you possibly be expected to ask him? what avenue should you have taken? if someone goes no contact like that after a breakup...well then whatever they left is mine now, frankly. besides...sure i paid for my wife's dress but it's not mine..its her wedding dress now. she can do with it as she pleases. you say you got back together with this man? &#x200b; ....best of luck to you but i dont see this working out, especially with all the red flags he keeps adding to the situation.	nta but why did you get back with this awful sounding man. never a good idea. an he's showing you why you broke up the first time	nta if he wanted them back he should have asked for them or canceled the order. you aren’t supposed to wait around forever and ever for an ex to come back into your life to see if they either want to get back together or get their things back. i’d break up with him for the gaslighting behavior. it is his fault he didn’t get the dress back, not yours.	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was supposed to get married in 2019 but we broke up a month before the wedding. my wedding dress and jewellery were paid for by my ex and i only received them after the breakup. when we broke up, i tried to return my engagement ring to him but he refused to take it back so i assumed he wouldn’t want the dress or jewellery back either. my sister got married a year later and i gave her both the dress and the jewellery as realistically i could never wear them but they were far too beautiful for someone not to have their special day in them. last year, me and my ex reconnected and we’ve started dating again. i asked him recently why he never cancelled the dress and jewellery after we broke up, which led to him asking if i still had them and me having to explain i gave them both to my sister. well, now he’s angry at me. he said i should’ve asked him before i gave it to her but he and his family had all blocked me everywhere, so unless i stalked him in person, i wouldn’t have been able to. he also made some absurd claims like the dress and jewellery clearly meant so little to me so it was a good thing i never married him in them, which isn’t true. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was supposed to get married in 2019 but we broke up a month before the wedding. my wedding dress and jewellery were paid for by my ex and i only received them after the breakup. when we broke up, i tried to return my engagement ring to him but he refused to take it back so i assumed he wouldn’t want the dress or jewellery back either. my sister got married a year later and i gave her both the dress and the jewellery as realistically i could never wear them but they were far too beautiful for someone not to have their special day in them. last year, me and my ex reconnected and we’ve started dating again. i asked him recently why he never cancelled the dress and jewellery after we broke up, which led to him asking if i still had them and me having to explain i gave them both to my sister. well, now he’s angry at me. he said i should’ve asked him before i gave it to her but he and his family had all blocked me everywhere, so unless i stalked him in person, i wouldn’t have been able to. he also made some absurd claims like the dress and jewellery clearly meant so little to me so it was a good thing i never married him in them, which isn’t true. aita? [/INST] info why on god's green earth would you get back together with someone you broke up with a month before your wedding? people who are compatible don't break up a month before their wedding. people who break up a month before their wedding have major issues...issues that aren't magically resolved because of time and distance. yall have issues. and unless you work it out in therapy, this is never going to work. his reaction to all of this all but reinforces this fact. </s>
AITA for telling my son that I would not stop inviting his ex to family functions?		28,297	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uhnsjd/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_i_would_not_stop/	2022-05-03 19:26:52	nta his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it.	nta he's divorcing her. you aren't. he and his fiancée can act like adults for a few hours during family functions, and be polite. the ex can do likewise. since the ex has near-full custody of the kids, cutting her out would mean cutting off your grandkids. they've been through enough thanks to your son's irresponsibility. they don't need to lose their grandparents as well. and if your son, and his fiancée, were decent people, they'd be glad to go to family functions where his ex brought the kids, because it would give him extra time to see his kids.	nta, tell your son he can leave his midlife crisis at home, i can’t imagine it’s comfortable for your grandchildren’s mother either and unlike the affair partner she didn’t make the choice to be in this situation. people are supposed to feel uncomfortable for doing shitty things. edit omg y’all are cute thanks, wasn’t expecting awards for common sense statements edit 2 ok pls stop giving this awards, don’t they cost real money?	nta, my dad also had an affair with a much younger woman and expected his parents to completely cut my mum out of their lives after 20 years. they’ve been divorced 10+ years now and my mum takes care of his parents because he moved abroad. they have dinner together every second sunday, she does their shopping for them, during covid she did basically everything for them and i know how thankful they are to have her in their lives. we live an hour away from them and she makes that drive any time they need something. your family is who you want it to be, and if you want her around even if it’s just for the grandkids she’ll appreciate not being tossed aside by you too.	nta. i think it’s extremely admirable that you’re still including her and not writing her off completely as many in-laws do after separations/divorces. she is very lucky to have you in her life. your son is acting very selfishly and not considering what’s in the best interest of his children. he’s prioritizing a woman over his own children and he needs a wake up call. you are doing the right thing. this is honestly refreshing because this sub is usually filled with nightmare stories of evil in-laws.	your son is an asshole. he doesn’t want his ex there because he wants to erase the shitty thing he did to a good woman, having her there will always put a spotlight on it. he should have thought of that before cheating. your son is an immature child that doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions and expects the world to coddle him. you dil is way better without him, and you would be too. at least she brings your grandkids around, what’s he bringing to the table?	nta. your son has made this situation and needs to deal with it. if his new partner didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation, she shouldn’t have got engaged to a man who cheated on and then left his wife for her.	nta. i’m a child of a divorced family where my father had the affair. i wish you were my grandparent. my grandparents were never rude to my mom, but it was different enough to the point you’d think she was the one who had the affair. you’re good for still including her. it would put a strain on the relationship with your grandchildren if you start to treat the parent that was the victim of the affair differently.	nta. you are allowed to see your grandkids and their mother at the functions that you host. the 23-y-o fiancée is the one who is reportedly uncomfortable; so the issue and the fix are with her. she can either chill and get more comfortable (much better for everyone in the long run if they are at least civil with each-other) or not attend your family events. your son has to stop acting like a fool.	of course you’re still mad at him! hell, i’m mad at him and i don’t even know him. your son and his side piece don’t get to decide who you invite to gatherings at your home or elsewhere, op. he’s ta, but you knew that already.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] nta his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it. </s>
AITA for refusing to take in my teenaged nephew after his dad died and mom (my sister) got hospitalized?	throwaway for obvious reasons, hope you all can understand. so we live in a country right now that has not opened travel of any kind of any foreign country. so this is all happening to us without any support from our relatives abroad. anyways a very tragic thing happened to my sister’s family this past year. her husband passed away from a sudden ruptured brain aneurysm in january and now she has contracted the coronavirus in late june (she’s a nurse). up until now she’s been looking after her son singlehandedly. he’s 13 so has been very capable of looking after himself but is still a minor. about 2 weeks ago, my sister reported feeling worse and confirmed she had the virus. things really degenerated over the past week and she’s now in the hospital and placed in an induced coma and her health keeps getting worse. as a result, her son has no legal guardian and it’s up to me and my wife if we could take him in. the issue is this: my wife absolutely despises my nephew. around 5 years ago he stayed with us for a weekend and he broke my wife’s cat’s tail by pulling her around. this was an elderly cat that later had to be put down due to ongoing injuries. my wife as a result has cut off my sister, her husband, and my nephew completely although i still have contact with them. so now i have raised the possibility of taking in my nephew until my sister gets better but my wife is 100% against it. even saying that if i do then that’s the end of our marriage. i have raised other options, like i move in with him but my wife suffers from anxiety and mentioned that if i leave her now i would be putting her in a vulnerable state where she could fall into depression (she suffers from depression during stressful times). i’ve made the choice to put my wife first and let my nephew be taken in by state social workers for the time being. the issue is our family abroad has heard of the situation and deemed us heartless for letting my nephew go into state institutions (which are very poor quality in our country.) i feel very guilty but i also feel like i made the right choice prioritizing my wife who’s health comes first for me. aita for making this choice? ———————————	1,908	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkaoz6/aita_for_refusing_to_take_in_my_teenaged_nephew/	2020-07-03 02:13:03	esh. your wife is the ah. there’s a child out there, basically by himself, with the potential to lose both his parents within a year of each other. and she is 100% not allowing you to help him, and is telling you if you do, your marriage will be over. that’s insane to me.	[deleted]	yta, and your wife also sucks. he was 8 when that happened. he could very well be a full orphan soon and instead of taking him in even on a temporary basis, you’re casting him off... because he hurt an animal when he was 8? i’m not saying animals don’t matter but a human life is potentially about to be dramatically altered forever and you don’t want to take in your nephew because your wife has a grudge with a child? are you kidding?	yta your wife is the bigger ah, but she’s not asking the question here. honestly you have 0 excuse to not help this kid out in any way. your wife gets “anxiety” if you go out to take care of a near-orphaned relative? are you serious? does she not get anxiety over the idea of committing an innocent kid to some kind of nightmarish state orphanage during possibly the worst year of his life. cause i would. that shit would haunt me for the rest of my life. you both sound like terrible people. your wife for obvious reasons. you for actively indulging your wife’s tantrum and neglecting your own flesh and blood. your sister did a huge service for your country and is nearly paying with her own life as a result. your plan is to let her only kid fall into a system you even acknowledge is terrible. i can’t believe what i’m reading.	esh. 8 is very different from 13. i understand being upset with your nephew, and i understand that your wife may be mentally ill, but she's guilt-tripping you. she is an adult, whereas there is an actual child who is being taken care of the state because she won't let you take care of him. he's a heartbeat away from being an orphan, somebody has to step up here.	esh: you and your wife. you suck soooo hard. he's a 13-year-old kid who just lost his dad and his mom's in a coma. you have the means and the room to take him in. you know the foster system in your country is shit. and still, you're good him going in it. your family is right; you're both heartless. i know if you were my brother, i'd never speak to you again. when your sister wakes up, don't expect any relationship with her or your family. you turned your back on your nephew in his time of need, don't come with open arms if everything works out. i'd slam the door in your face. gonna be real lonely for you come christmas. however, i think it is probably for the best he goes into foster care. i know i wouldn't be comfortable with my kids in your care. hell, i wouldn't let you or your wife take care of my goldfish if this is the kind of person you are.	bpd is all i needed to know. this is a test. she wants to know that you pick her over your family. how do i know this? because i was diagnosed with bpd for several years. your wife needs to be doing intensive dbt (multiple hours a week) - it is the only effective treatment for bpd. you cannot just settle for this behavior for the rest of your lives. yta	yta, and your wife too, maybe more. you're abandoning this kid for something he did when he was 8 years old. i understand that what he did was bad, but he was a kid and he made a mistake. your wife needs to get over herself and stop holding a grudge. help your sister and take in your nephew, at least until other relatives can offer some help too. poor kid is probably still mourning his dad, and now he's missing his mother too. help him, and make sure to check your wife's behaviour.	yta. five years ago, when your nephew was a relatively small child, he was involved in an incident with the cat. five years ago! and your wife is so heartless that she is demanding that your nephew be sent to be potentially abused in a state home because she is lacking in empathy, compassion, etc and "needs" you to be home with her or she will just fall apart. it's sad that you would allow yourself to be manipulated and that you would also allow a young man to be sent into foster care over something that should have been forgiven years ago.	yta. your nephew may become an orphan soon and has already lost his father. it was 5 years ago, he may not have understood what he was doing. i have cats and love them to death but your wife is a raging ah to say that she will divorce you unless you walk away from your nephew. it is heartless to allow your nephew to potentially go into a state institution because your wife demands it. i'm sure your nephew is also depressed and stressed. i can't think of a post that makes me more disgusted to read.	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.006547	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons, hope you all can understand. so we live in a country right now that has not opened travel of any kind of any foreign country. so this is all happening to us without any support from our relatives abroad. anyways a very tragic thing happened to my sister’s family this past year. her husband passed away from a sudden ruptured brain aneurysm in january and now she has contracted the coronavirus in late june (she’s a nurse). up until now she’s been looking after her son singlehandedly. he’s 13 so has been very capable of looking after himself but is still a minor. about 2 weeks ago, my sister reported feeling worse and confirmed she had the virus. things really degenerated over the past week and she’s now in the hospital and placed in an induced coma and her health keeps getting worse. as a result, her son has no legal guardian and it’s up to me and my wife if we could take him in. the issue is this: my wife absolutely despises my nephew. around 5 years ago he stayed with us for a weekend and he broke my wife’s cat’s tail by pulling her around. this was an elderly cat that later had to be put down due to ongoing injuries. my wife as a result has cut off my sister, her husband, and my nephew completely although i still have contact with them. so now i have raised the possibility of taking in my nephew until my sister gets better but my wife is 100% against it. even saying that if i do then that’s the end of our marriage. i have raised other options, like i move in with him but my wife suffers from anxiety and mentioned that if i leave her now i would be putting her in a vulnerable state where she could fall into depression (she suffers from depression during stressful times). i’ve made the choice to put my wife first and let my nephew be taken in by state social workers for the time being. the issue is our family abroad has heard of the situation and deemed us heartless for letting my nephew go into state institutions (which are very poor quality in our country.) i feel very guilty but i also feel like i made the right choice prioritizing my wife who’s health comes first for me. aita for making this choice? ———————————	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway for obvious reasons, hope you all can understand. so we live in a country right now that has not opened travel of any kind of any foreign country. so this is all happening to us without any support from our relatives abroad. anyways a very tragic thing happened to my sister’s family this past year. her husband passed away from a sudden ruptured brain aneurysm in january and now she has contracted the coronavirus in late june (she’s a nurse). up until now she’s been looking after her son singlehandedly. he’s 13 so has been very capable of looking after himself but is still a minor. about 2 weeks ago, my sister reported feeling worse and confirmed she had the virus. things really degenerated over the past week and she’s now in the hospital and placed in an induced coma and her health keeps getting worse. as a result, her son has no legal guardian and it’s up to me and my wife if we could take him in. the issue is this: my wife absolutely despises my nephew. around 5 years ago he stayed with us for a weekend and he broke my wife’s cat’s tail by pulling her around. this was an elderly cat that later had to be put down due to ongoing injuries. my wife as a result has cut off my sister, her husband, and my nephew completely although i still have contact with them. so now i have raised the possibility of taking in my nephew until my sister gets better but my wife is 100% against it. even saying that if i do then that’s the end of our marriage. i have raised other options, like i move in with him but my wife suffers from anxiety and mentioned that if i leave her now i would be putting her in a vulnerable state where she could fall into depression (she suffers from depression during stressful times). i’ve made the choice to put my wife first and let my nephew be taken in by state social workers for the time being. the issue is our family abroad has heard of the situation and deemed us heartless for letting my nephew go into state institutions (which are very poor quality in our country.) i feel very guilty but i also feel like i made the right choice prioritizing my wife who’s health comes first for me. aita for making this choice? ——————————— [/INST] esh. your wife is the ah. there’s a child out there, basically by himself, with the potential to lose both his parents within a year of each other. and she is 100% not allowing you to help him, and is telling you if you do, your marriage will be over. that’s insane to me. </s>
AITA for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family's cabin?	my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita? &#x200b;	8,689	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w12fs9/aita_for_expecting_my_girlfriend_to_pay_for_her/	2022-07-17 08:13:27	yta. she's perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken down cabin. it's not her family's property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up.	yta, she's your guest, not a family member who agreed to pay into the communal fund. paying $200-400 to stay in a shitty cabin for a weekend with a bunch of strangers is an absurd ask.	yta - why on earth are you pinging gf for the annual fee when obviously at this stage she would be a guest of the family only staying for a big family weekend?? &#x200b; sure down the track if you both expect to use as intended going forward then yep annual fee. omg wtf	yta, you are not renting the cabin out, you are contributing to your family's accomodations. she, on the other hand is a guest, not family yet (and with all this may not even be your girlfriend for too long), so it isn't fair to ask her to contribute to smth that is your family's gain, not hers. you either had to exclude her out of the payment plan for this year at least or untill you go fiancee or wife level so she'll be contributing to her future family accomodations, or pay for her from your own pocket if your family insists on paying her share. inviting her over and then asking to pay for smth your family will keep in the end is not okay.	yta. you invited her -- as your guest -- and then only brought up the cost of an annual fee (for somebody who has no way of knowing whether or not they're ever going to be invited back again, or would want to go if they were) after she'd said yes. what she thought she was saying yes to was anoffer of hospitality. nobody is asked to pay for those. if there are associated costs, the host who invited you pays your way. what you should have done was to arrange for a plan up front with the rest of your family that included a guest policy. example: everyone in the family shall be, as part of their own yearly dues, permitted to invite one guest per year without cost (or more than one, as the family consensus agrees). that guest is responsible for nothing except participating in basic chores on an equal basis with other visitors to the cabin at the time. if anyone new wishes to become a member, at the invitation of an existing member, that person must first be a guest. during their stay as a guest, the whole agreement among members and all policies surrounding the use of the cabin will be explained. if the potential new member has no objections to any of these, and the current membership approves their admittance, they'll be a member after their initial visit is over. that way, each new prospect gets hospitality once, first, in order to see what it's like there and meet the other people who go there. they can find out what they think of the whole thing before committing their money. they also know about the money long before they are expected to say either yes or no about it, so they can decide based on real information about the place, and without a time crunch or pressure from their partner who wants them to be able to go in order to meet the family. or you can set any of a range of other ways to handle the option for members to invite guests. but you can't reasonably blame your gf for being annoyed that she was told she was being invited as a guest, and only found out afterwards that she was expected to pay several times the cost of a hotel, just for the privilege. [edit] oh yes, and one thing i missed: you need to set a fixed annual fee. make it a little more than is typically necessary to cover the annual maintenance costs, and then put the extra in a bank account for the purpose of covering the occasional extras like replacing the roof when it gets soggy. that way you don't have to accept that the annual amount bounces around radically from year to year, with no way for members to know what to expect next year. when you need to raise the annual cost due to inflation, you either have a reliable, set percentage by which it goes up every year, so members can count on that; or else make decisions about increases by a meeting of members, who decide collectively what it will go up to, but have the new price take effect at least one more full yearly cycle in the future. for example: it's currently july 2022, the next dues are expected on january 1, 2023, and the new price that was agreed on in today's meeting will take effect when the next dues are expected on january 1, 2024. that way everyone has at least a year to decide whether or not they still want to participate, and can drop out without being hurried on whether they want to stay at the cost now required. if you manage the money properly, you won't ever have to gather up more money suddenly because of a roof problem or similar emergency. you'll have the money to repair those when they come up except for the totally unexpected events, and those will likely be covered by insurance (you do have property insurance on this place, don't you?)	you invited her as your guest. you told her about this (ridiculous high) fee later, so yeah yta. and $200-400 for a stay there is ridiculous, sorry. i'd make other plans too if i were her. and if you would tell me this, i'd think you're joking lol pay this stupid fee for her or if the rule is only for family members, let her come as your guest for free. i mean it's your family cabin. maybe you guys should repair the roof and everything else at once, and divide the costs through your family members and that's it. this way the cabin will last longer than let it mold for a year or longer.. and you've to pay this much for staying in a molding cabin?.. wow and this only for a weekend??? you get nice places to stay where i live for this price for a week or longer lol why not let her pay one month of the yearly fee? so 200-400 / 12? she's only there one time a year? or break it down through the weeks of a year...	yta. the family members who plan to vacation throughout the summer pay a fee to cover ongoing maintenance for the family cabin. a single visit guest of a family member should not be charged the fee. do you charge both parts of married couples the fee? if so, then if you and she marry, and she enters the family, the two of you would pay a double fee. charging your girlfriend when she is coming to meet the family for the first time is outrageous.	"as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with" don't hold your breath. yta. she's your guest, not your tenant.	yta - if she's paying the "annual membership fee" and not just coming on a "guest pass" then she should be guaranteed access for the year. oh, she has no reasonable expectation to ever be invited back to the cabin? then stfu with "annual fees". that's a fee levied against people who use it regularly and who have a vested interest (emotional, financial, whatever) in the owners not selling. she has no stake in the cabin. she has no expectation that she'll ever use it again. she has literally no reason to invest in your grandparent's not selling. i'm also 90% sure if she's going to spend $200-400 she would prefer a place that isn't "dated," or undergoing renovations, that she won't have to share with a bunch of relative strangers, and that isn't going to have a roof leak if there's a surprise summer storm. you (or your family, idk who is pushing for this) are incredibly entitled if you think she wants to spend that much to stay at a run down cabin whose only redeeming quality is that it holds a lot of sentimental memories for you. it sounds like you (or the grandparents?) are trying to make a dime off of your girlfriend to subsidize future vacations. you want your gf to meet your family? host a dinner. maybe multiple if not everyone can make it. or just introduce her to your parents and then bring her with you to future free family events, like normal people. asking her to contribute towards your family vacation home is bs and you know it. edit to add: you're expecting her to pay up to $400 for the privilege of meeting your family. you realize that's dumb right?	you make your guests pay tobuse the cabin? yta of course. if she pays the annual fee does that me she can use the cabin herself alone?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. she's perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken down cabin. it's not her family's property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up. </s>
AITA for banning my 5 year old from watching YouTube?	i'm the asshole for banning him from watching youtube, all he does when he watches tv is sit there and watch videos by the usual suspects... trinity and madison, the tannerites, ryan's toy review etc. the reason i banned it you ask? - it's not educational - his perception of what actual families are like is skewed. these people don't film the parts where they argue, scold/discipline their kids - they're spoilt. it's no secret that such families have made millions from their kids and as such, every other video shows them being showered with toys and money - huge houses. our son seems to think that our 2 bedroom flat in england is abnormal compared to these multi million pound homes in the states. i don't agree with these channels anyway. nobody knows yet the repurcutions these kids face from being publicised so heavy from a young age and the embarrassment they might feel watching back on themselves acting like a bunch of loons. i'm just scared that his belief on how good we are as parents is being challenged by these unrealistic videos. he's too young to understand that this isn't the norm.	2,462	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gv9bwy/aita_for_banning_my_5_year_old_from_watching/	2020-06-02 15:27:31	nah. your kid is 5 so obviously not ta. your behavior makes a lot of sense for those reasons. youtube has good stuff on it though so i recommend controlling it, allowing him to watch cartoons, etc but not rich kids unboxing stuff	ehh, could go either way. obviously there are problems with youtubers, but banning it altogether will likely just make him upset and teach him nothing. rather than banning youtube, it would probably be best to limit it. say, 30 mins of youtube a day. it would be ideal to sit down and explain to him that what he is watching is not reality. make this a teaching moment. maybe even watch some videos with him and have a discussion after. that way, he gets some of what he wants but learns from it at well.	nta. youtube use needs to be heavily monitored by parents if children are being exposed to it, as companies tend to use family influencers to advertise to children by masking it as "entertainment". it's just like monitoring and limiting screen-time!	nta- i hate ryan so much... my 5 year old would watch that crap all day if we let him. there are wonderful, fun, entertaining apps out there that aren’t just commercials training the next generation of mindless consumers.	nta i agree he’s too young to be on youtube. play games, read books, explore.	nta. i’ve watched a few family vloggers just to see what the hype is about and it’s so incredibly fake that it could be damaging to a young mind’s perception of what’s reality and what’s a sham. kids are drawn to these channels because they want to be the kids in them. this is not a positive outlook to have on life, so thank you for actually paying attention to what your kid is doing and stopping it accordingly. i would suggest that you maybe find another hobby for him that isn’t just watching tv. legos, learning to ride a bike, listening to music are all suggestions off the top of my head but you know what your kid would be interested in better than i do.	nta. i just banned my 5 year old from it last week and already he is so much more well behaved. he is a total ahole immediately after watching and until he can watch again. i’d love to allow him a little time here or there for educational things but it’s too slippery of a slope. before you know it he’s right back to watching ryan’s squeaky ass mom and oaf of a father exploiting their children.	nah i absolutely agree with every point you made. but, this isn't really about 'spoilt and super rich kids,' rather than about social media in general. when i was 13, i became really obsessed with my classmate's ig. (although to be fair, she was my crush and i was obsessed with her anyway...) she was only slightly better off than us, but her posts and stories made me really envious and evil, my parents said they didn't recognize me anymore. and i'm talking about a personal ig account with around 200 followers here, not a famous influencer. it was absolutely not her fault, but it wasn't really my fault, either. modern social media (and skilled, self-esteemed extroverts) can make mentally weaker individuals with low confidence, like i was back then, feel really bad about themselves, their bodies, their loved ones and their possessions. the relief when i finally hit the 'unfollow' button was immense. only then i realized how unrealistic this fake image of someone's life can be. this girl's great ig skills (and my already low confidence) made me physically obsessed with her even though i wouldn't normally give a damn about her. i stopped obsessing over her, but i also stopped hating her as she seems like a nice, kind person. i was a 13 y.o. unpopular kid, but some grown men can become obsessed with women they don't even know (ever heard of simps?) now try to imagine what that can do to a five year old boy.	[removed]	nta. you should absolutely be careful of what your child is watching. there really is some garbage on youtube. my daughter watched one of those videos with the kids who get everything they want, act however they want, etc. at first i thought it was no big deal just annoying. but then there was a bit about a monster under the bed and she got scared and wouldn't sleep in her bed for a week. your child is young and should really be watching fun and educational stuff.	NAH	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	NTA	0.003383	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm the asshole for banning him from watching youtube, all he does when he watches tv is sit there and watch videos by the usual suspects... trinity and madison, the tannerites, ryan's toy review etc. the reason i banned it you ask? - it's not educational - his perception of what actual families are like is skewed. these people don't film the parts where they argue, scold/discipline their kids - they're spoilt. it's no secret that such families have made millions from their kids and as such, every other video shows them being showered with toys and money - huge houses. our son seems to think that our 2 bedroom flat in england is abnormal compared to these multi million pound homes in the states. i don't agree with these channels anyway. nobody knows yet the repurcutions these kids face from being publicised so heavy from a young age and the embarrassment they might feel watching back on themselves acting like a bunch of loons. i'm just scared that his belief on how good we are as parents is being challenged by these unrealistic videos. he's too young to understand that this isn't the norm.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm the asshole for banning him from watching youtube, all he does when he watches tv is sit there and watch videos by the usual suspects... trinity and madison, the tannerites, ryan's toy review etc. the reason i banned it you ask? - it's not educational - his perception of what actual families are like is skewed. these people don't film the parts where they argue, scold/discipline their kids - they're spoilt. it's no secret that such families have made millions from their kids and as such, every other video shows them being showered with toys and money - huge houses. our son seems to think that our 2 bedroom flat in england is abnormal compared to these multi million pound homes in the states. i don't agree with these channels anyway. nobody knows yet the repurcutions these kids face from being publicised so heavy from a young age and the embarrassment they might feel watching back on themselves acting like a bunch of loons. i'm just scared that his belief on how good we are as parents is being challenged by these unrealistic videos. he's too young to understand that this isn't the norm. [/INST] nah. your kid is 5 so obviously not ta. your behavior makes a lot of sense for those reasons. youtube has good stuff on it though so i recommend controlling it, allowing him to watch cartoons, etc but not rich kids unboxing stuff </s>
WIBTA if I send an email to my half sister?	my elder sister is estranged from us. she was the scapegoat and i was the golden child. i was a spoiled brat and i rubbed it in. she was still a great elder sister. she was there for when i needed it and she protected me when i fucked up. i didn't deserve that at all. she cut us all of when i was 17. she had written me a letter where she explained that she loved me but she couldn't have me in her life without my presence reminding her of how shitty they were to her. it has been 8 years. i have respected her wishes because it had truly started to understand how horrible our parents where and i am sure i will never properly get how bad it was for her. i have wanted to see how she was doing. i have heard about her from mutual friends b really miss her but i understand why she wants the distance. she was always compared to me. she was constantly criticized about things that were not in her control. i was a little shit and loved how much they cared about me, they adored me while trampling down on her. it must have been hell. pure hell for her and i was the tool used to hurt her. last month, my boyfriend had a zoom company conference. i was dropping off some snacks for him when i saw it was my sister speaking. it brought back a lot of memories. i really miss her. i really do. i have been thinking about her lot. i want to send her an email asking her how she has been, telling her i realized how shitty my parents were and apologizing for my actions and that i have cut them out of my life too. i just want to tell her that i really wish that she is happy and she was able to move past what the hurt they caused. i really hope that she is happy and i want her to be happy even if i have no place in her life, would that be too much? i talked to one our old mutual friend who knew some of what went down and she thinks that it would be too much and that i should just move on and forget about it. i still want to send it to her. i know it is selfish. i should just ignore all these emotions and let her live in peace. that mail could drag back so much bad memories and i don't want to hurt her again. i still want to send it to her. that is what makes me a asshole here, i feel. i want to try to text her when she told me not to.	2,999	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p47pzw/wibta_if_i_send_an_email_to_my_half_sister/	2021-08-14 13:08:49	nah if you send a caring email with no guilting or expectation of contact. she is within her rights to not respond or to reiterate her 'don't contact me' boundary but you're within your rights to ask, in my opinion, as the elder estranged sister of golden child siblings. she might never be okay to see you again and that sucks but that's not on you. that will be what your parents have put on you, the repurcussion you have to carry, like your sister carries her trauma.	nta, one email with all your contact information and letting her know that you have also disowned your parents and that you clearly see what they did to her and how damaging it was. tell her you apologize for your actions. let her know you love her and miss her and want to be part of each others lives whenever she is ready. if she feels it should be joint therapy or coffee at a local shop. tell her you will not attempt to contact her again after this, eight years is a long time.	i think the fact that you're wanting to express remorse, hoping that she's happy, and not trying to push your way back into her life (but accepting that you may never have a place in her life), would not make you an asshole for sending her a message eight years on. nah. (you certainly were one in the past, but doesn't sound like you are now)	nta as long as you accept (1) her life might be happier without you, and (2) a non-response means her answer is no. hit send on that email only when you are ready to give her complete control over what happens next. if she doesn't respond to your email, don't follow-up by asking your mutual friends, your boyfriend, or her co-workers to talk to her. don't find out where she lives, don't stalk her on social media, and don't hang around your boyfriend's zoom calls. but also don't beat yourself up - you aren't a bad person, or a worse person if your sister doesn't want to reconcile with you. if she does respond, listen. even if she says things you don't want to hear. don't make the conversation about yourself, or try to equate your suffering with hers. be prepared for the possibility that you two will reconnect, but she will later decide to go low or no contact again. focus on making her feel loved and listened to, because that's what her family failed to provide her for the first 25 years of her life.	nta! tell her exactly what you wrote. i’m sorry all this happened to you and your sister. i hope she will understand and you can mend your relationship.	nah but i wouldn't do this. as others have said this is about your guilt and your wishes and not hers. i don't think you'd be an arsehole at all, but you would be potentially stirring up a whole load of trauma for her and that would be just awful. i feel for you both.	ywbta if you send her a letter, even if you mean well. she won’t have a choice in whether or not she sees it. she can’t reject it without having at least seen a part of it. you could tell your mutual friend that you would like to apologize to her for your part as a kid and let her know that you have cut your parents off and that if the opportunity arises that your mutual friend believes she’d be willing to hear from you, that friend could then tell her that you would like to send her a letter, but only if she is willing to allow that. let her friend be the gatekeeper and ask permission only if and when the opportunity comes up that makes it ok to ask, such as if she mentions wondering about you or wishing she’d had closure. you can write a letter and not send it and you can give it to her if she ever chooses to reach out to you.	nta; send the email, but do not include any questions or requests. ask for and expect nothing in return.	ywbta if you sent such a personal email to her at work. i don’t think you would be the ah if you sent her an email but blindsiding her with such personal information/history on her work email may not be the best way to reach out. additionally this may cause issues for your boyfriend once she finds out how you obtained her work contact info.	nah. i am the older sister in this situation. all i want from my family is for them to acknowledge the pain and abuse they caused me. if you send this, it has to be with the expectation that she may not want to regain contact. be sure you are not rug sweeping.	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	YTA	NTA	YTA	NAH	0.264545	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my elder sister is estranged from us. she was the scapegoat and i was the golden child. i was a spoiled brat and i rubbed it in. she was still a great elder sister. she was there for when i needed it and she protected me when i fucked up. i didn't deserve that at all. she cut us all of when i was 17. she had written me a letter where she explained that she loved me but she couldn't have me in her life without my presence reminding her of how shitty they were to her. it has been 8 years. i have respected her wishes because it had truly started to understand how horrible our parents where and i am sure i will never properly get how bad it was for her. i have wanted to see how she was doing. i have heard about her from mutual friends b really miss her but i understand why she wants the distance. she was always compared to me. she was constantly criticized about things that were not in her control. i was a little shit and loved how much they cared about me, they adored me while trampling down on her. it must have been hell. pure hell for her and i was the tool used to hurt her. last month, my boyfriend had a zoom company conference. i was dropping off some snacks for him when i saw it was my sister speaking. it brought back a lot of memories. i really miss her. i really do. i have been thinking about her lot. i want to send her an email asking her how she has been, telling her i realized how shitty my parents were and apologizing for my actions and that i have cut them out of my life too. i just want to tell her that i really wish that she is happy and she was able to move past what the hurt they caused. i really hope that she is happy and i want her to be happy even if i have no place in her life, would that be too much? i talked to one our old mutual friend who knew some of what went down and she thinks that it would be too much and that i should just move on and forget about it. i still want to send it to her. i know it is selfish. i should just ignore all these emotions and let her live in peace. that mail could drag back so much bad memories and i don't want to hurt her again. i still want to send it to her. that is what makes me a asshole here, i feel. i want to try to text her when she told me not to.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my elder sister is estranged from us. she was the scapegoat and i was the golden child. i was a spoiled brat and i rubbed it in. she was still a great elder sister. she was there for when i needed it and she protected me when i fucked up. i didn't deserve that at all. she cut us all of when i was 17. she had written me a letter where she explained that she loved me but she couldn't have me in her life without my presence reminding her of how shitty they were to her. it has been 8 years. i have respected her wishes because it had truly started to understand how horrible our parents where and i am sure i will never properly get how bad it was for her. i have wanted to see how she was doing. i have heard about her from mutual friends b really miss her but i understand why she wants the distance. she was always compared to me. she was constantly criticized about things that were not in her control. i was a little shit and loved how much they cared about me, they adored me while trampling down on her. it must have been hell. pure hell for her and i was the tool used to hurt her. last month, my boyfriend had a zoom company conference. i was dropping off some snacks for him when i saw it was my sister speaking. it brought back a lot of memories. i really miss her. i really do. i have been thinking about her lot. i want to send her an email asking her how she has been, telling her i realized how shitty my parents were and apologizing for my actions and that i have cut them out of my life too. i just want to tell her that i really wish that she is happy and she was able to move past what the hurt they caused. i really hope that she is happy and i want her to be happy even if i have no place in her life, would that be too much? i talked to one our old mutual friend who knew some of what went down and she thinks that it would be too much and that i should just move on and forget about it. i still want to send it to her. i know it is selfish. i should just ignore all these emotions and let her live in peace. that mail could drag back so much bad memories and i don't want to hurt her again. i still want to send it to her. that is what makes me a asshole here, i feel. i want to try to text her when she told me not to. [/INST] nah if you send a caring email with no guilting or expectation of contact. she is within her rights to not respond or to reiterate her 'don't contact me' boundary but you're within your rights to ask, in my opinion, as the elder estranged sister of golden child siblings. she might never be okay to see you again and that sucks but that's not on you. that will be what your parents have put on you, the repurcussion you have to carry, like your sister carries her trauma. </s>
AITA for not being part of "my" kid's life?	from 18-25, i was an absolute wild child. lots of beer and lots of hook ups where we didnt even know each other's names. i was dealing with lots of damage, to the point where i dont even remember most of those years. now at almost 40, i''m much better now, with therapy and aa and my saint of a wife, but thats the important background. i was clear with my wife that its quite possible i have some kids out there somewhere, though a lot of the women i slept with i have no way of contacting to be sure. my wife budgeted in some savings for if we ever have to pay child support for a couple of kids, but just asked that i get a paternity test before we welcome them in. we have no kids of our own, dont really want any. last year, a 16 year old boy contacted me, saying that i was his father. we'll call him k. k claimed to be the son of one of my old classmates, and that his mom had raised him by herself because she didnt want to cause any trouble. but she had told him about me, all the time, and he had spent a lot of his life googling me. he'd finally worked up the courage to contact me, and asked if we could me. since i can neither confirm nor deny sleeping with his mother, i agreed to meet between our two towns, me driving about 5 hours and him driving about 45 mins, though i did tell him about my wife's request. he was fine with it. we met after the kit got here, he did the spit thing, gave it back, and we sat, talked, had lunch, and drove back home. we were not a match. i had my profile done a while ago, just so it was out there in case any kids found me that way. but k and i are not related. i contacted him, gave him all his data, and let him down gently. he was devastated. crying, claiming it wasnt real, that he had spent his entire life idolizing me, that i had to be his dad. he begged to have a relationship, but i'm not entirely interested in building one with a random child. i apologized again, but left it at that. his mom reached out, begging me as well, saying that she was so sure i was the father, that its destroying him not knowing who his dad is. i said it was a real shame, but that father isnt me. i'm not dad material, especially not for someone else's kid. this just came up in a convo recently, and sparked an argument. some say its fine, others say it was cruel to abandon a kid who spent his entire life believing he was mine. am i the asshole here?	20,289	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i719en/aita_for_not_being_part_of_my_kids_life/	2020-08-10 08:51:18	nah. you are right in not wanting to be a part of a kid's life who isn't your own. but boy, do i feel terrible for that poor kid.	info - did you do a proper paternity test, you say paternity test but then from your phrasing it sounds more like you are relying on an ancestry one im guessing from the profile remark? if so, those are not accurate or certified in any meaningful way and they vary massively in quality, for anything this important, get a real test done.	how top is your wife though?! "i might have some kids from my messy years." "don't worry, let's save some of our money in case you do." quality adult work.	nah. poor kid, but i don't think him having a relationship with you where you both pretend you're his father is really what he needs.	nta. i feel for the kid, but he did not spend his life idolizing you, he spent his life idolizing the idea of you. you are a stranger to him just as much as he is to you. the mother is ta. she is the one who lied to him.	nta. that child is not your child. his mother lied to him, telling him you were his father when she could not be sure of it. what i advise: do a second dna test to be 100 sure, without using your existing dna profile (you never know). i think this will help this young man. i know of a case when the dna test for a girl was negative but she kept thinking it was a mistake at the lab for years. if the two tests are negative, there can be no doubt in this boy’s mind that you are not his father. it will help him. after that, you have no responsibility to him. it is very sad but you are not his father.	that's not cruel. what's cruel is someone bringing a kid up with an obsession about a stranger. this woman should have contacted you when he was a baby and spared him this pain. everyone here is doing the best they can with the information they have, though, and it's ok if you decide that this isn't the right thing to get involved in. nta.	i really sympathize with the kid but nta. also your wife is a great person	nta. what an uncomfortable, shitty situation. there are no winners here but the kid is at the biggest loss. poor kid. it's not your fault though. he is not your responsibility. this is honestly his mom's fault. she should have been positive before telling him.	nah. it's just a really unfortunately set of events. the truth came out, you aren't his parent, and you have no obligation to this kid to have a parental relationship with him, nor to his mom to father her kid for her as weird as that sounds. she was mistaken, and even if you feel bad for the kid, you pretending to love him like a dad when you know that you can't is far more cruel. it would weigh on you. i don't think you should cave based on guilt. if you like this kid and wanna be here for him that's one thing, but you and your wife don't intend to have children at all. sucks for this kid, but this is something he's going to have to live with, and we can only hope that he has some solid supports in his life probably not his mom, cause yikes.) i wish all of you the best.	NAH	INFO	null	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.026425	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: from 18-25, i was an absolute wild child. lots of beer and lots of hook ups where we didnt even know each other's names. i was dealing with lots of damage, to the point where i dont even remember most of those years. now at almost 40, i''m much better now, with therapy and aa and my saint of a wife, but thats the important background. i was clear with my wife that its quite possible i have some kids out there somewhere, though a lot of the women i slept with i have no way of contacting to be sure. my wife budgeted in some savings for if we ever have to pay child support for a couple of kids, but just asked that i get a paternity test before we welcome them in. we have no kids of our own, dont really want any. last year, a 16 year old boy contacted me, saying that i was his father. we'll call him k. k claimed to be the son of one of my old classmates, and that his mom had raised him by herself because she didnt want to cause any trouble. but she had told him about me, all the time, and he had spent a lot of his life googling me. he'd finally worked up the courage to contact me, and asked if we could me. since i can neither confirm nor deny sleeping with his mother, i agreed to meet between our two towns, me driving about 5 hours and him driving about 45 mins, though i did tell him about my wife's request. he was fine with it. we met after the kit got here, he did the spit thing, gave it back, and we sat, talked, had lunch, and drove back home. we were not a match. i had my profile done a while ago, just so it was out there in case any kids found me that way. but k and i are not related. i contacted him, gave him all his data, and let him down gently. he was devastated. crying, claiming it wasnt real, that he had spent his entire life idolizing me, that i had to be his dad. he begged to have a relationship, but i'm not entirely interested in building one with a random child. i apologized again, but left it at that. his mom reached out, begging me as well, saying that she was so sure i was the father, that its destroying him not knowing who his dad is. i said it was a real shame, but that father isnt me. i'm not dad material, especially not for someone else's kid. this just came up in a convo recently, and sparked an argument. some say its fine, others say it was cruel to abandon a kid who spent his entire life believing he was mine. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> from 18-25, i was an absolute wild child. lots of beer and lots of hook ups where we didnt even know each other's names. i was dealing with lots of damage, to the point where i dont even remember most of those years. now at almost 40, i''m much better now, with therapy and aa and my saint of a wife, but thats the important background. i was clear with my wife that its quite possible i have some kids out there somewhere, though a lot of the women i slept with i have no way of contacting to be sure. my wife budgeted in some savings for if we ever have to pay child support for a couple of kids, but just asked that i get a paternity test before we welcome them in. we have no kids of our own, dont really want any. last year, a 16 year old boy contacted me, saying that i was his father. we'll call him k. k claimed to be the son of one of my old classmates, and that his mom had raised him by herself because she didnt want to cause any trouble. but she had told him about me, all the time, and he had spent a lot of his life googling me. he'd finally worked up the courage to contact me, and asked if we could me. since i can neither confirm nor deny sleeping with his mother, i agreed to meet between our two towns, me driving about 5 hours and him driving about 45 mins, though i did tell him about my wife's request. he was fine with it. we met after the kit got here, he did the spit thing, gave it back, and we sat, talked, had lunch, and drove back home. we were not a match. i had my profile done a while ago, just so it was out there in case any kids found me that way. but k and i are not related. i contacted him, gave him all his data, and let him down gently. he was devastated. crying, claiming it wasnt real, that he had spent his entire life idolizing me, that i had to be his dad. he begged to have a relationship, but i'm not entirely interested in building one with a random child. i apologized again, but left it at that. his mom reached out, begging me as well, saying that she was so sure i was the father, that its destroying him not knowing who his dad is. i said it was a real shame, but that father isnt me. i'm not dad material, especially not for someone else's kid. this just came up in a convo recently, and sparked an argument. some say its fine, others say it was cruel to abandon a kid who spent his entire life believing he was mine. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nah. you are right in not wanting to be a part of a kid's life who isn't your own. but boy, do i feel terrible for that poor kid. </s>
AITA for gifting my sister pictures of my dog?	i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?	31,433	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ef49r2/aita_for_gifting_my_sister_pictures_of_my_dog/	2019-12-24 17:25:07	nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole.	nta - i would love a picture of your dog dressed up	nta pictures of your kids as a christmas gifts is tacky, in my humble opinion. especially to non-grandparents.	yta for not sharing the picture. what the fuck, op? let me see your dog!	op can we see said dog picture	nta it’s tacky of her to complain about a gift like that, it’s clearly funny and she’s an adult	nta.it was a cute funny gift and you followed up with an actual gift that she would like. next year you should get her socks with your dogs face knitted into it or a fleece blanket with your dogs face plastered all over it	nta. if your sister can't take a joke, she can get over it.	due to spez attempting to censor the internet i am leaving this site.	nta. it was a joke, she just didn’t like what it said about her.	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0.04134	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita? [/INST] nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole. </s>
AITA for giving back the money my sister gave me for my birthday	i have two sisters, pretty close in age, and when my youngest sister was in the last year of high school my mom divorced my dad. this lead to a lot of instability as we weren't able to live on our own. at the time i had a lovely boyfriend (now fiance) who's family took me in. my sisters weren't so lucky. they ended up moving from family member to family member before only now (7years later) finally managing to find some stability. what's important to remember is they have always earned more than me. i still only work part time due to the different career paths we chose. my situation should improve next year but this meant we weren't able to help them financially. i have a drawing hobby and some art items are rather pricey. i've managed over the past 8 years to slowly build my collection of items, that include copics. anyone who knows anything about art knows how pricey those suckers are. which i got the feeling my sisters took notice and they didn't approve. nothing was openly said but it was in the tone and between the lines comments. i've always gotten the sense that they felt i was in a better position than them and that i had a good life so any complaints i made were essentially me being a whiny bitch. i've never really felt that i could go to them for advice on anything even though they're my sisters. this all came to a more openly jaded head when i saw a set of copics on special that i really wanted to buy. i sent the post to my sisters, thinking nothing of it as i was merely telling them about my frustrations over seeing such a good price but not buying them. this ended in my finance buying the markers for me as it's my birthday next month. he didnt see the price as too much given how long we've been together. my older sister gave me money, a small amount that was meant to buy a sketch book from the same store which i really appreciated. then my fiance told me that she messaged him and told him not to let me always manipulate him into buying me all these expensive things. the message just confirmed the suspicions i'd built over the years that they felt i wasn't allowed to complain or have expensive things when they'd had such a hard start. so i gave back her money and told her i didn't want it. now she's saying i made her feel like shit because she was trying to do something nice for me. (i found this odd because they'd ignored my birthday previous years which i didnt blame them for) aita?	432	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h9bsga/aita_for_giving_back_the_money_my_sister_gave_me/	2020-06-15 08:03:26	info - it appears you guys never really talked out your issues to give it a whole chance to improve your relations. these issues are going to continue, because neither you nor they know where you stand financially - not numbers wise, but generally - and you could avoid fights like this easily, if y'all acted all more like adults. you talking straight and she caring less about what you and your partner spend your money on	nta. they've made assumptions about your financial situation and judged you for them, and now they've taken to covertly messaging your fiance about it. that definitely crosses a line, and if they are so concerned with money then it's fair enough that they take theirs back. however, i can understand where that resentment comes from based on what you told us. it must have been difficult to see your stable situation with you boyfriend's family whilst their lives were so difficult. it sounds to me like you need to have a long talk with your sisters.	nta. they can think whatever they want, but making assumptions and then trying to involve your fiance in those assumptions doesn't do anybody any good. frankly, i would have returned the money, too. your honey buying you a gift does not mean he was manipulated into doing it. toxic much?	nta. first of all, kudos for making it through an obviously hard time. i wish you well. :) second of all, i think your sister is awful. just awful. i don't care that she is your 'sister'. i am going to be honest here. i think they were and have been jealous that you got some stability in your life and they didn't. instead of being happy that their sister (aka you) at least are somewhere safe, they decided to hate that the fact they were not and since they were not, according to them, you should not have been either. and i think that causes them to act a bit 'chilly' (if i can assume) towards you and judging you. you earn. you have a hobby. you are doing what you can to do what you want to do and hence you should. they don't get to judge you for it! third of all, it is awful, simply awful that she went behind you and contacted your fiance and called you a manipulator!! how despicable! because your fiance bought you a birthday present? that is some negative shit. way too negative for you to want to be around them. you are their sister, a person. you have every right to complain about things or to want more out of your life. i can't imagine what all they must have said when you were not present if they think they have a right to go to your fiance to say something awful! give her her money back. honestly, if i were you, i would definitely say something along the lines of 'oh, i don't want you to feel that i have manipulated you into giving me something. no, thank you". do not feel bad. she is trying to guilt trip you. you have done absolutely nothing wrong here. also, happy birthday in advance! <3	null	null	null	null	null	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0.027063	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have two sisters, pretty close in age, and when my youngest sister was in the last year of high school my mom divorced my dad. this lead to a lot of instability as we weren't able to live on our own. at the time i had a lovely boyfriend (now fiance) who's family took me in. my sisters weren't so lucky. they ended up moving from family member to family member before only now (7years later) finally managing to find some stability. what's important to remember is they have always earned more than me. i still only work part time due to the different career paths we chose. my situation should improve next year but this meant we weren't able to help them financially. i have a drawing hobby and some art items are rather pricey. i've managed over the past 8 years to slowly build my collection of items, that include copics. anyone who knows anything about art knows how pricey those suckers are. which i got the feeling my sisters took notice and they didn't approve. nothing was openly said but it was in the tone and between the lines comments. i've always gotten the sense that they felt i was in a better position than them and that i had a good life so any complaints i made were essentially me being a whiny bitch. i've never really felt that i could go to them for advice on anything even though they're my sisters. this all came to a more openly jaded head when i saw a set of copics on special that i really wanted to buy. i sent the post to my sisters, thinking nothing of it as i was merely telling them about my frustrations over seeing such a good price but not buying them. this ended in my finance buying the markers for me as it's my birthday next month. he didnt see the price as too much given how long we've been together. my older sister gave me money, a small amount that was meant to buy a sketch book from the same store which i really appreciated. then my fiance told me that she messaged him and told him not to let me always manipulate him into buying me all these expensive things. the message just confirmed the suspicions i'd built over the years that they felt i wasn't allowed to complain or have expensive things when they'd had such a hard start. so i gave back her money and told her i didn't want it. now she's saying i made her feel like shit because she was trying to do something nice for me. (i found this odd because they'd ignored my birthday previous years which i didnt blame them for) aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have two sisters, pretty close in age, and when my youngest sister was in the last year of high school my mom divorced my dad. this lead to a lot of instability as we weren't able to live on our own. at the time i had a lovely boyfriend (now fiance) who's family took me in. my sisters weren't so lucky. they ended up moving from family member to family member before only now (7years later) finally managing to find some stability. what's important to remember is they have always earned more than me. i still only work part time due to the different career paths we chose. my situation should improve next year but this meant we weren't able to help them financially. i have a drawing hobby and some art items are rather pricey. i've managed over the past 8 years to slowly build my collection of items, that include copics. anyone who knows anything about art knows how pricey those suckers are. which i got the feeling my sisters took notice and they didn't approve. nothing was openly said but it was in the tone and between the lines comments. i've always gotten the sense that they felt i was in a better position than them and that i had a good life so any complaints i made were essentially me being a whiny bitch. i've never really felt that i could go to them for advice on anything even though they're my sisters. this all came to a more openly jaded head when i saw a set of copics on special that i really wanted to buy. i sent the post to my sisters, thinking nothing of it as i was merely telling them about my frustrations over seeing such a good price but not buying them. this ended in my finance buying the markers for me as it's my birthday next month. he didnt see the price as too much given how long we've been together. my older sister gave me money, a small amount that was meant to buy a sketch book from the same store which i really appreciated. then my fiance told me that she messaged him and told him not to let me always manipulate him into buying me all these expensive things. the message just confirmed the suspicions i'd built over the years that they felt i wasn't allowed to complain or have expensive things when they'd had such a hard start. so i gave back her money and told her i didn't want it. now she's saying i made her feel like shit because she was trying to do something nice for me. (i found this odd because they'd ignored my birthday previous years which i didnt blame them for) aita? [/INST] info - it appears you guys never really talked out your issues to give it a whole chance to improve your relations. these issues are going to continue, because neither you nor they know where you stand financially - not numbers wise, but generally - and you could avoid fights like this easily, if y'all acted all more like adults. you talking straight and she caring less about what you and your partner spend your money on </s>
AITA for appropriating the word "Sober"?	this happened on friday. my coworkers were planning on going out to a bar after work to have some drinks together. i don't particularly like to drink or go out with coworkers and i've learned the easiest way to get out of it is just to tell whoever invited me "thanks, but i'm 2 years sober now." nobody has ever tried to pressure me into going when i say that, unlike when i try to make a different excuse and then my old coworkers are just like, "come on, we'll get you an uber, it'll be fun.." yadda yadda. saying i'm "sober" immediately shuts them down. anyways, another coworker overhears congratulated me on 2 years of sobriety and told me she just celebrated her first year. i quickly and quietly told her that i wasn't really an addict i just say that because people don't ask me anymore after i say that, but i did congratulate her on her year. she said that i'm an asshole for appropriating language when i don't actually suffer from addiction and that saying i'm "sober" takes away from those who are actually addicts. i told her i'm not using it to seek validation or anything, its just the best way to shut down coworkers asking me out for drinks. should i not use that term anymore or is my coworker overreacting?	5,605	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovudcq/aita_for_appropriating_the_word_sober/	2021-08-01 15:40:41	nah i don’t necessarily think that either of you are in the wrong. you are using very specific language “sober for two years” that does typically denote being in recovery. many people in the recovery community are protective of that verbiage, because it does carry a lot of weight for them. this is also something that people outside of the community may not know and may not understand why some might find it disingenuous to use in your circumstances. what i may suggest, moving forward, would be to simply state that you are sober or a sober individual when declining. it’s still true (you are not someone who drinks), but doesn’t have such a definite tie to the recovery community.	soft yta. you’re trying to avoid a pretty awful alcohol culture that is relentless. however, your use of that term implies you’re an alcoholic which changes people’s understanding of you.	yta you’re not appropriating “sober” you are lying and using a very specific phrase that belongs to a specific groups of people to insinuate that you are a recovering alcoholic. that’s insensitive. the only reason you have the luxury of thinking she’s overreacting is because you don’t know what recovering from alcoholism is and the hellish journey she went on to get where she is today.	saying that you're sober is appropriate. however saying "i'm 2 years sober" is language that's very specific to the addiction. especially reading your comments that say you have drank during this time (even if not much) makes it more of a hypocritical lie. i'm not sure if you're necessarily an ah but for this situation, i think i'll have to judge a mild yta. i know people suck with this kind of stuff but there has to be things you can say that don't hurt others.	"i'm two-years sober" is very specific and language almost solely limited to the recovery community of which your co-worker is a member. are you a member of that community? while i don't think it takes away from people with real addiction, i do think as matter of respect for their efforts that you stop using it. find another excuse - i classify this as a reason.	can you use the phrase ‘i practice sober living’ or something like that? would that still be considered a leading phrase? if so, just say ‘thanks, but i don’t drink’.	nah. i get why she's upset but as a former alcoholic, a lot of people seem to think its okay to nag people about drinking. it's not enough to just say you don't drink, then they think you owe them an explanation why. lying isn't okay, but saying you're sober is technically true, and the only thing that stops a lot of people from nagging.	i see a lot of people saying you're someone disparaging the struggle addicts went through by saying you're sober when you weren't an addict. as a former addict, i couldn't care less. words don't belong to anyone specific. you aren't going to na or aa meetings and pretending to be an addict. you simply use this to get people to stop nagging you about it, i totally get it. you did nothing wrong. i wouldn't go further than an apology, and that's only because she was offended by the sounds you made with your mouth. nta	i dislike the obligatory drink culture. it is frustrating that you can't just say 'no thanks'. but now that you know that a coworker is actually sober, i don't think you should use this phrase any more. your coworker is actually struggling with addiction and has expressed that they don't like you using the term.	info: have you actually not drank alcohol in two years?	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	NAH	NTA	null	INFO	0.57964	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened on friday. my coworkers were planning on going out to a bar after work to have some drinks together. i don't particularly like to drink or go out with coworkers and i've learned the easiest way to get out of it is just to tell whoever invited me "thanks, but i'm 2 years sober now." nobody has ever tried to pressure me into going when i say that, unlike when i try to make a different excuse and then my old coworkers are just like, "come on, we'll get you an uber, it'll be fun.." yadda yadda. saying i'm "sober" immediately shuts them down. anyways, another coworker overhears congratulated me on 2 years of sobriety and told me she just celebrated her first year. i quickly and quietly told her that i wasn't really an addict i just say that because people don't ask me anymore after i say that, but i did congratulate her on her year. she said that i'm an asshole for appropriating language when i don't actually suffer from addiction and that saying i'm "sober" takes away from those who are actually addicts. i told her i'm not using it to seek validation or anything, its just the best way to shut down coworkers asking me out for drinks. should i not use that term anymore or is my coworker overreacting?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened on friday. my coworkers were planning on going out to a bar after work to have some drinks together. i don't particularly like to drink or go out with coworkers and i've learned the easiest way to get out of it is just to tell whoever invited me "thanks, but i'm 2 years sober now." nobody has ever tried to pressure me into going when i say that, unlike when i try to make a different excuse and then my old coworkers are just like, "come on, we'll get you an uber, it'll be fun.." yadda yadda. saying i'm "sober" immediately shuts them down. anyways, another coworker overhears congratulated me on 2 years of sobriety and told me she just celebrated her first year. i quickly and quietly told her that i wasn't really an addict i just say that because people don't ask me anymore after i say that, but i did congratulate her on her year. she said that i'm an asshole for appropriating language when i don't actually suffer from addiction and that saying i'm "sober" takes away from those who are actually addicts. i told her i'm not using it to seek validation or anything, its just the best way to shut down coworkers asking me out for drinks. should i not use that term anymore or is my coworker overreacting? [/INST] nah i don’t necessarily think that either of you are in the wrong. you are using very specific language “sober for two years” that does typically denote being in recovery. many people in the recovery community are protective of that verbiage, because it does carry a lot of weight for them. this is also something that people outside of the community may not know and may not understand why some might find it disingenuous to use in your circumstances. what i may suggest, moving forward, would be to simply state that you are sober or a sober individual when declining. it’s still true (you are not someone who drinks), but doesn’t have such a definite tie to the recovery community. </s>
AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?	my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.	23,542	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3f6ka/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_to_pay_me_the_1000/	2022-04-14 11:20:46	nta he stole from you to buy a luxury. immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this...	i’d be suspicious about the $200+ for a ‘massage’ lol	does anyone else think he might be going for a happy ending rather than the massage or have i been reading aita comment sections too long?	have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails? because that is alot of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly? does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage? i dunno.. something is off here. i’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more. you btw, are very much nta	nta...cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only. maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs? like wtf. a baby is going to drain finances even more.	nta. start getting your ducks in a row. talk to an attorney. split your finances. cancel that credit card and hide any others you may have. this is not going to get better, op. i "need" a massage pretty much all the time given my back issues. the last one i had was 5 years ago in a resort in lanzarote, because it came with our reservations at the resort. why? because i have other shit that needs paying for (and i'm not the breadwinner), like bills, kid stuff, food (strange thing, everyone in my house likes to eat!) like i said, this isn't going to get better. you can't reason with that level of entitlement. also, you might report those charges as fraudulent and set the credit card company on your husband. he took your card without your knowledge and now you're in a pretty dire financial situation.	nta. i do think this is what they call foreshadowing.	nta >stop playing victim is a weird thing to yell at someone you've just been caught stealing from	nta i’d check all my credit cards and i’d run a credit report. it’s possible he may have opened new cc in your name too. i’d also lock my cards. he’s really selfish. i worry for you and your baby!	nta you realize $250 is exorbitant? are you not suspicious that these are “happy ending” massages?	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him. [/INST] nta he stole from you to buy a luxury. immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this... </s>
AITA? Suing my neighbor after she sprayed weedicide on my lawn	caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills	26,119	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkyfn9/aita_suing_my_neighbor_after_she_sprayed/	2020-05-16 17:22:12	nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her.	nta. my neighbor did this last year and got reported to the hoa because the yard she sprayed (under the cover of darkness, so she knew it was wrong) belongs to a family with very young children. i’m sorry about your rabbits and you need to know that it’s not your fault and you are a good owner.	nta, don't trespass, don't mess with peoples property, if you want to do something "nice" ask permission. idk if removing your toplayer and putting turf down would make it safe for pets again but if so she should pay for that	nta >“was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor spraying substances on other people's property without their permission is not being a "good neighbor" by any stretch of reason. i'm so sorry about your rabbits.	nta. so sorry for your loss! losing a family member should be enough to convince any human with a heart to support you!	omg, nta! i am so sorry for your losses! i would be out for blood.	nta at all. she killed your pets. take her to the cleaners.	nta she should have asked you first and talked to you about it. loosing pets is bad rnough, knowing someone directly caused their death is worse. she also traspassed on your property. by a long shot nta you need to add trespassing and gather all the proof you can. not to mention vet bills are expensive as f. i hope you can sue her.	nta also consider posting this to r/legaladvice they might be able to give you more insight. i’m sorry for your losses. that’s just awful.	nta, her breaking into your lawn was not an accident. even if she could have never anticipated the results, she's still liable for the results of her own bad choices, particularly when they're so harmful. i'm really sorry to hear about your rabbits -- i know it won't make up for anything, but i hope you can get all the damages you're suing for.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills [/INST] nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her. </s>
AITA for wearing a gas mask in public and at home?	i have aspergers, and along with it hyperosmia. i am very sensitive to smells such as exhaust, perfume, most soap smells, cigarette, etc. this has caused me a lot of problems functioning in life. holding my breath when walking past people using perfume, avoiding areas with cars. not going into the bathroom when my mother has been there (because of perfume). not leaving my room for some hours if someone has used a perfume or hair spray outside the bathroom. the list goes on. my parents argue that everyone else in the world can't change their life to suit me. and i finally took that to heart, and bought a respirator mask a month back. a pretty expensive one which filters out all sorts of smells. i wear it while going to the city, while shopping for groceries, and when there are strong smells at home. it has been obvious that neither of my parents are happy about it. throwing out small comments like "are you really wearing that?", "you are going out looking like that?", "aren't you embarrassed to be seen like that?" and today my parents exploded at me. i was going up for breakfast today (we live in a pretty small, but 3 story house), when i reached the second floor i was met with a wall of hairspray smell, so i turned around and got the mask. when i arrived at the top floor with the kitchen, i was yelled at by my mother. telling me i was being very rude for wearing the mask inside, and my father told me that he was embarrassed to be seen with me while walking outside. &#x200b; aita for using it? i thought i was trying to find a solution to a problem i couldn't expect other people to solve for me, but i am not very good at knowing social ques, or norms, so maybe i am really messing up. this is in norway btw. &#x200b;	2,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9ny7c/aita_for_wearing_a_gas_mask_in_public_and_at_home/	2019-12-12 14:03:32	nah- i understand why you chose to use the mask. but i also see where your parents are coming from. it is very strange to see someone in a mask like that in public and could cause some hysteria. i know i would personally be uneasy seeing someone wearing a respirator mask in public as i would begin to worry about a public attack or something in the air i wasn’t aware of.	nah. wearing the mask in public is way outside social norms. it will cause uneases in some, possibly many people. it makes you appear potentially dangerous, or potentially mentally unstable. and that will likely preclude you makeing friends or other social connections, which is concerning in the long term.	esh your parents - they suck because they aren't really trying to compromise and find a solution that fits best for everyone. they are complaining but not supporting. you - the mask you have chosen looks like a chemical mask or a painters mask. it would be exceptionally frustrating to have to talk to someone through that all the time, and even more frustrating having to go out in public with someone wearing those. there are much sleeker masks you can find online at a place like [rsmask.com](https://rzmask.com/collections/m1-mask) that would be much more conducive to a public and home setting. overall, you arent an asshole for trying to find a solution; however, the solution you found breaks a few social conventions that can be taxing on relationships. find a middle ground and everyone can be happy.	nah, because i think they’re worried that the solution you found is going to cause a lot of other problems for you. this part i say not to be mean, but simply because you say you have trouble with social norms, but this is something that is really really far out there. it is fairly likely that people will assume you have serious mental health issues if you go out like that. so perhaps this may be a solution for now, but the overall issue probably needs to be addressed differently in the long term.	info: is this a medical mask that hooks over your ears or is it an actual gas mask like a soldier would wear?	nta. hello fellow norwegian here! i’ll be completely honest with you. i would maybe look at you and then go home and tell my dad that «oh by the way pappa today i saw a man in a gas mask» then we would maybe discuss it? maybe not, he would probably make a lame dad joke and then we would continue eating joika kaker. rock that gas mask at rema 1000, kiwi, joker or whatever store you go to. we need to be more understanding and acommodating because not everyone is the same. your parents of all people should understand this. hope everything works out for you! lykke til! ps. sorry for bad english, obvioulsy not my first language. was thinking about doing this in norwegian but decided against it.	pardon my ignorance, because i was unfamiliar with hyperosmia until now, but have you tried discussing possible treatments with your doctor? i read on dr. google that it can be tricky to treat but maybe you can at least get a second opinion? either way it sounds rough and i’m sorry it’s something you have to deal with :-/	[deleted]	info what does the mask look like and how much of the face does it cover	nah you came up with a solution to your problem, and i admire that. you're not ta. to be candid, your parents are worried that wearing this mask is going to make other people avoid you, to your detriment. is hyperosmia a newer development for you? that is, could your parents be concerned that this is a new trait and they don't want to encourage it? question: have you been medically evaluated for your hyperosmia? i know you said you have aspergers, but sometimes there is a physiological cause.	NAH	NAH	ESH	NAH	INFO	NTA	null	null	INFO	NAH	0.202523	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have aspergers, and along with it hyperosmia. i am very sensitive to smells such as exhaust, perfume, most soap smells, cigarette, etc. this has caused me a lot of problems functioning in life. holding my breath when walking past people using perfume, avoiding areas with cars. not going into the bathroom when my mother has been there (because of perfume). not leaving my room for some hours if someone has used a perfume or hair spray outside the bathroom. the list goes on. my parents argue that everyone else in the world can't change their life to suit me. and i finally took that to heart, and bought a respirator mask a month back. a pretty expensive one which filters out all sorts of smells. i wear it while going to the city, while shopping for groceries, and when there are strong smells at home. it has been obvious that neither of my parents are happy about it. throwing out small comments like "are you really wearing that?", "you are going out looking like that?", "aren't you embarrassed to be seen like that?" and today my parents exploded at me. i was going up for breakfast today (we live in a pretty small, but 3 story house), when i reached the second floor i was met with a wall of hairspray smell, so i turned around and got the mask. when i arrived at the top floor with the kitchen, i was yelled at by my mother. telling me i was being very rude for wearing the mask inside, and my father told me that he was embarrassed to be seen with me while walking outside. &#x200b; aita for using it? i thought i was trying to find a solution to a problem i couldn't expect other people to solve for me, but i am not very good at knowing social ques, or norms, so maybe i am really messing up. this is in norway btw. &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have aspergers, and along with it hyperosmia. i am very sensitive to smells such as exhaust, perfume, most soap smells, cigarette, etc. this has caused me a lot of problems functioning in life. holding my breath when walking past people using perfume, avoiding areas with cars. not going into the bathroom when my mother has been there (because of perfume). not leaving my room for some hours if someone has used a perfume or hair spray outside the bathroom. the list goes on. my parents argue that everyone else in the world can't change their life to suit me. and i finally took that to heart, and bought a respirator mask a month back. a pretty expensive one which filters out all sorts of smells. i wear it while going to the city, while shopping for groceries, and when there are strong smells at home. it has been obvious that neither of my parents are happy about it. throwing out small comments like "are you really wearing that?", "you are going out looking like that?", "aren't you embarrassed to be seen like that?" and today my parents exploded at me. i was going up for breakfast today (we live in a pretty small, but 3 story house), when i reached the second floor i was met with a wall of hairspray smell, so i turned around and got the mask. when i arrived at the top floor with the kitchen, i was yelled at by my mother. telling me i was being very rude for wearing the mask inside, and my father told me that he was embarrassed to be seen with me while walking outside. &#x200b; aita for using it? i thought i was trying to find a solution to a problem i couldn't expect other people to solve for me, but i am not very good at knowing social ques, or norms, so maybe i am really messing up. this is in norway btw. &#x200b; [/INST] nah- i understand why you chose to use the mask. but i also see where your parents are coming from. it is very strange to see someone in a mask like that in public and could cause some hysteria. i know i would personally be uneasy seeing someone wearing a respirator mask in public as i would begin to worry about a public attack or something in the air i wasn’t aware of. </s>
AITA for exposing the real reason my sister and her bf broke up.	throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.	25,376	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/byiwjh/aita_for_exposing_the_real_reason_my_sister_and/	2019-06-09 10:28:19	nta your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that. >my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name. >i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed. happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳‍🌈	nta, but you're going to have trouble dealing with your family, who seems to be going with the "blood is thicker than water" approach. the only question i have is whether all the things stated could be true; he could be bisexual, she could be homophobic, and he could have cheated on her. in that case, it'd be esh. it might have been worthwhile to confront your sister before exposing her.	esh how do you know that jon didn’t cheat on your sister? why does he get the benefit of the doubt? also, if you actually cared about your sister, you should have sat down with her and had a discussion about her homophobia. maybe actually try to change her mind. instead, you went out of your way to publicly humiliate her. it definitely sounds like there is more to this story and y’all need therapy.	info. can you say for sure that her hate doesnt come from him cheating?	[deleted]	yta. how do you know jon didn’t cheat? why is it not ok for your sister to not want to be with a bi person? my last two partners have been and i could tell they were nervous about how i’d react, but i didn’t have to be ok with it. i’m curious as to what these homophobic messages were exactly. i have an extremely hard time believing your sister got that upset about him liking guys and girls. there has to be more to this story and you’re a huge ass for not getting both sides and publicly shaming your family.	yta based on current information. i do not think you have enough information to exclude the possibility that he was cheating on her. if he was, her statements are true, and he has no room to complain. if you were certain that sister did not believe ex cheated, you would be n-ta -- because she is telling lies about him. contrary to some commenters, i don't think calling her out on facebook for private comments made to someone else would be appropriate if she weren't lying about ex. even in that case, parents are not ta -- you were not obliged to get involved in this situation, and parents are entitled to think (and say) that they don't think you should have. ex has his own facebook account, so is not dependent on you to tell his side of the story.	yta. there is no need for facebook posts, talk to your sister about it, find out her version. try to talk some sense into her regarding her homophobic behavior. if you still feel for jon then explain his side to her for her to understand. if she did lie on her post make her take it back threatening to do what you did. there are many step you could have done in private instead of going strait to posting something without having all the infomation.	esh you should have talked to her before putting the screenshots up. she atleast deserved a chance tell her sid of the story knowing that you have this info. her post was a dickmove tho, but so was your posting the screenshots without any warnings. jon's cool tho!	you mad? definitely nta. she knew what she was getting into when she lied, you did the right thing.	NTA	NTA	ESH	INFO	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	0.665712	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him. [/INST] nta your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that. >my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name. >i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed. happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳‍🌈 </s>
AITA for allowing my wife to extend her maternity leave at my company but not one of my other employees?	i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?	13,989	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s4d8ta/aita_for_allowing_my_wife_to_extend_her_maternity/	2022-01-15 05:48:50	yta and potentially in violation of labor laws. you can't give your wife preferential treatment, especially when a cosmetic procedure is part of the equation. you are wrong in so many ways	yta, good god, give mary a freaking extra week off. your wife gets 52 weeks+ for maternity leave but you won't give mary 6 weeks?" you are basically the reason we all say rich people suck. &#x200b; "good for me, but not for thee"	if your wife is a paid employee of your company, yta. if mary has her wits about her she'll report your business practices as unfair. and she'll win.	yta she was pregnant for 9 month... someone could've hired. someone could've been trained. yes, you favor you wife by miles and thats kind of to be expected but to denie someone in pain one god damn week off... i always wonder if there are kids who want to grow into the disney villian....	yta, it is not the employee's fault that her team is understaffed, it is yours. you are making different rules for individuals based on their relationship to you. you may not be breaking any rules (since it is your company), but morally you are the asshole. if i'm reading correctly, before either extension request, your wife already took off more than double the amount of time as your other employee. if you have now 4 kids, you should understand both the toll giving birth takes on a mom. while you aren't required to do anything, that doesn't mean you shouldn't.	“my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son’s formative moments because she knew that he’d only be a baby for so long.” don’t you think mary and every other parent might feel the same as your wife? how long do you think these formative moments might last? your wife could spend two, three, hell why not four years witnessing all of baby boy’s formative moments. if they’re that important (and i believe those are important moments) then she should quit her job till he goes to preschool or kindergarten. strong yta and mary and every working parent employed by you knows it too.	yta your wife needs to take time off to recover form a tummy tuck but you deny a new mother two weeks additional maternity leave. wow, just wow.	yta- you gave all the personal reasons your wife needed an extra year….plus a cosmetic procedure? also is this leave paid? so she can volunteer and get a life coach instead of working an executive level position? you do realize that’s a pretty important position, right? give mary an extra week and reflect why you seem to have a team stretched so thin that you can’t give an extra week of maternity leave.	yta. 6 weeks off to give birth, establish breastfeeding and recover from growing and birthing a baby? it’s criminal, imo. can you look into accomodating some work from home? and if i was her, i’d be majorly pissed that your wife was given special treatment. it’s not equitable and it’s very blatant.	yta. it’s people like you who are part of the reason why nothing is changing in postnatal care. women need more than 6 weeks post birth to recover. be the change we need.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks? [/INST] yta and potentially in violation of labor laws. you can't give your wife* preferential treatment, especially when a cosmetic procedure is part of the equation. you are wrong in so many ways </s>
AITA for touching my wife's tampon's box?	seems like a petty fight but my wife is mega pissed with me right now. i was reorganizing the storage room the other day and came across a tampon box. the box was being kept behind some cleaning products in the cabinent so i removed it and put it on top of the counter so i could clean out the cabinent. i resumed cleaning and put everything back except for the tampon box, i thought it didn't belong there so i put inside the bedroom and left it there. at 1pm my wife got home, went to the storage room then came back freaking out asking if i was there earlier. i said yes i reorganized and cleaned the storage room and she got upset asking about her tampon box. i told her relax it's in the bedroom inside one of the drawers. she rushed into the bedroom, stayed there for few minutes then came back yelling at me for touching her stuff. i asked what she meant "touching her stuff" i was just cleaning and came across the tampon box which i had no idea why it was there in the first place. she berated me about touching her stuff nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it. then said i should've just left it as it is which to me, was ridiculous because she did not need it right then so what's the big deal. she got irritated and called me an asshole for arguing with her about it when i'm in the wrong. i said no i do not think that what i did justifies her yelling at me because....it's not like i threw the box away. she argued some then stormed off and is still upset about it til this very hour. i get she's big on privacy and not having her stuff touched but i think she overreacted. aita here?	12,602	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sxvc33/aita_for_touching_my_wifes_tampons_box/	2022-02-21 14:52:32	info what was really in the box? why was it hidden at the back of a cupboard?	my dude, are you under the impression that people change their tampons in the bedroom?	esh. she shouldn't have yelled. but this is the equivalent of moving all the toilet paper so your spouse doesn't know where it is. it's a problem is she doesn't know where her menstrual products are - don't just move that stuff without permission. >nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it she didn't have to go looking for it. she knew exactly where that box was supposed to be. you're the one assuming it was misplaced or carelessly placed, and that was a wrong assumption.	are you sure it is tampons in that box? wondering what was really in it. nta. you were just trying to clean and organize.	this is weird. she shouldn’t have yelled at you but her tampons definitely belong in the bathroom and it’s weird that you decided they should be in a drawer in the bedroom. nah but leave the tampons where they are next time.	i'm wondering whether this is the last straw reaction. that it's not the first time he moved her things. it's an over reaction but it sounds like he's done this type of things before.	esh. she shouldn’t have yelled, but why would you assume that you know better where products that she uses and you don’t need to be? deciding if where her tampons should be stored is pretty arrogant. if you do things like this often, i get why she’d yell. if she waited until she really needed them, what was she supposed to do, search the whole house to find out where you thought tampons belong?	op, i am coming over and rearranging your things -- underwear, toothbrush, car keys -- because i don't think they belong where you have left them. also, i will wait until you freak out before telling you where they are. bow to my judgment. you're welcome. yta	info: is this a recurring argument? do you often move her stuff without asking/telling her?	yta do you want her changing her tampons in the bedroom? leave her stuff alone, you don’t decide where her things “should” be.	INFO	null	ESH	NTA	NAH	null	ESH	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.434699	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: seems like a petty fight but my wife is mega pissed with me right now. i was reorganizing the storage room the other day and came across a tampon box. the box was being kept behind some cleaning products in the cabinent so i removed it and put it on top of the counter so i could clean out the cabinent. i resumed cleaning and put everything back except for the tampon box, i thought it didn't belong there so i put inside the bedroom and left it there. at 1pm my wife got home, went to the storage room then came back freaking out asking if i was there earlier. i said yes i reorganized and cleaned the storage room and she got upset asking about her tampon box. i told her relax it's in the bedroom inside one of the drawers. she rushed into the bedroom, stayed there for few minutes then came back yelling at me for touching her stuff. i asked what she meant "touching her stuff" i was just cleaning and came across the tampon box which i had no idea why it was there in the first place. she berated me about touching her stuff nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it. then said i should've just left it as it is which to me, was ridiculous because she did not need it right then so what's the big deal. she got irritated and called me an asshole for arguing with her about it when i'm in the wrong. i said no i do not think that what i did justifies her yelling at me because....it's not like i threw the box away. she argued some then stormed off and is still upset about it til this very hour. i get she's big on privacy and not having her stuff touched but i think she overreacted. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> seems like a petty fight but my wife is mega pissed with me right now. i was reorganizing the storage room the other day and came across a tampon box. the box was being kept behind some cleaning products in the cabinent so i removed it and put it on top of the counter so i could clean out the cabinent. i resumed cleaning and put everything back except for the tampon box, i thought it didn't belong there so i put inside the bedroom and left it there. at 1pm my wife got home, went to the storage room then came back freaking out asking if i was there earlier. i said yes i reorganized and cleaned the storage room and she got upset asking about her tampon box. i told her relax it's in the bedroom inside one of the drawers. she rushed into the bedroom, stayed there for few minutes then came back yelling at me for touching her stuff. i asked what she meant "touching her stuff" i was just cleaning and came across the tampon box which i had no idea why it was there in the first place. she berated me about touching her stuff nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it. then said i should've just left it as it is which to me, was ridiculous because she did not need it right then so what's the big deal. she got irritated and called me an asshole for arguing with her about it when i'm in the wrong. i said no i do not think that what i did justifies her yelling at me because....it's not like i threw the box away. she argued some then stormed off and is still upset about it til this very hour. i get she's big on privacy and not having her stuff touched but i think she overreacted. aita here? [/INST] info what was really in the box? why was it hidden at the back of a cupboard? </s>
AITA for changing my name? my parents named me Qur'stylle (Chrystal)?	so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.	25,826	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g1bn71/aita_for_changing_my_name_my_parents_named_me/	2020-04-14 19:04:53	nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish. honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.	nta i notice this: > would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly your mom thinks you're her possession to show off. she picked that name for the same reason people get their sportscars in bight red: "look at this awesome thing i own!!" not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it's good of you to get out from under your mom's influence.	she was threatening to cut you off for changing your first name as a legal adult? wow. but the “go fuck yourself” was a little harsh, though also justified. nta	“your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious” you’re absolutely right about that. i, personally, hate when parents give their kids names that are hard to pronounce or names that the kid’s going to get made fun of for. naming a child shouldn’t be about the parents, it should be about how it will affect the kid as they grow up. i hate my name and have always gone by my nickname, which is just my name but shortened by a letter. my dad wanted to name me mario and i’m so glad that my mom put her foot down and made him compromise with a name that is somewhat italian and english. it’s not like the name they chose was good either because i got made fun of for it in elementary and high school when teachers leaked my name.	why did you spell it chrystal and not crystal?	[removed]	nta. if it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then maybe that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic narcissism. just read the definition below of narcissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom’s feelings about your name. “...excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.” plus you’re an adult. unusual names can hinder or block legitimate employment, higher education, granting of loans etc.	nta. "betrayed" her and your family? that's a stretch. and that's an understatement. she gets to pick your name when you're a kid. you're an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it. she's allowed to be hurt by that. she is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions.	lol you had to throw that extra “h” in there, huh?	info: was the inclusion of the "h" on purpose? my mind keeps reading it as chrysler instead of crystal. for the record, i still think that spelling is more clear than the original spelling.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	0.010352	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward. [/INST] nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish. honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can. </s>
AITA for leaving my friends gf stranded on the road because she never paid?	it was my birthday and i decided to go out for dinner with friends, i invite 4 of them who all bring their gf’s who i know well and like then there is my fifth friend who seems to have a different date every time we meet up and he asks if he can bring his new gf. i don’t want to be a dickhead so i say yes but i say she has to pick her own tab since i don’t know her and we are going to an expensive restaurant. the 12 of us show up and are seated and the night goes great until the bill arrives. i pay it and we then leave i then go over to her and ask for my 80 dollars (she ordered a 45 dollar steaks and a starter and dessert) she looks at me like i’ve just stepped off mars and then just laughs. i see nothing funny about it and ask again, my friend now comes up to me and asks wtf why are you asking my gf for 80 dollars and i remind him that i said she would have to pay for herself. he says he thought i was joking and now the girl is saying she won’t pay it. i’m now annoyed and say either you pay me or we’re not giving you a ride home (all my friends side with me). she stands there with her arms crossed so i get in the car and we all drive off. when we get home my gf thought i was an arsehole but i think i was justified i even told her that she had to pay. aita?	2,760	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ceqoje/aita_for_leaving_my_friends_gf_stranded_on_the/	2019-07-18 10:23:35	esh, you targeted the wrong person. your friend should have paid for her if he'd told her it would be free	esh. there was a lack of communication between your friend and his gf. i decided that you are the arsehole for making a scene of it all, even after you just paid the tab off. she is the arsehole for ordering a 45 dollar steak knowing she wasn't going to pay for it (who does that?). your friend is the arsehole for not telling his gf beforehand. finally you are also the arsehole (again) for allowing her to come yet excluding her, in a fashion.	yta. and a petty one at that. so fucking cringy. you have no business taking 10 people about for dinner if you’re going to bitch and moan about paying for the 11th persons dinner. what exactly were you trying to do to the poor girl? humiliate her? and even if you were going to have her pay, you were going to do it right there? in public? like a couple of middle schoolers chipping in for a $20 pizza? so fucking tacky of you.	info. did you pay for everyone but her? if so, why are you paying for your own bday dinner?	yta because you didn’t tell her she needed to pay, you told your friend. now i’m not saying you should have picked up the bill, i’m saying you should have asked your friend for the money! he probably told her dinner was on you and so her coming with the expectation that it will be taken care off probably played a role into her deciding to come. for example, if i got invited to a fancy restaurant that i couldn’t afford, then i wouldn’t go. but if i am told beforehand that it’ll be taken care off, i would consider it. what if she legitimately didn’t have any money? you kind of humiliated her for no reason by singling her out in front of all your guests! you really should have been saying this, discreetly, to your friend. leaving her stranded is an absolute asshole move, that’s just really fucking mean.	>i’m now annoyed and say either you pay me or we’re not giving you a ride home (all my friends side with me) this is extremely awkward and alienating. what the hell? imagine meeting your boyfriend's friends for the first time under the impression that one of them is taking you all out to dinner, and then at the end of it having the entire group gang up on you for money while the rest of their bills were covered and then driving off without you.	esh. you shouldn't have ditched her like that, because it sounds like your friend didn't inform her prior to dinner that she'd be paying (he thought you were joking). she may have declined going if it was made clear prior to attending, that she'd be getting her own bill. alternatively, your friend could have offered to cover her bill, being as he's the one that technically invited her. you all suck, to varying degrees.	bait. but yta anyway, you can't impose weird requirements on just certain members of the group and not expect ramifications/confusion. leaving her stranded just ups your asshole-ness.	yta 100 % - 😂 you can't invite a whole group of people and then exclude a member.	nta. exactly who did she think was going to pay for her meal? and if your friend had a problem with it, why didn't he pay for his girlfriend's / date's meal? why do both your friend and his girlfriend think they deserve a free meal on this particular occasion? i mean i assumed you didn't strand her in the middle of nowhere in a dangerous place and she could easily call an uber or something? are you telling me that your friend, who she came with, left her there by herself as well? because he sounds messed up.	ESH	ESH	YTA	INFO	YTA	null	ESH	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.155902	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it was my birthday and i decided to go out for dinner with friends, i invite 4 of them who all bring their gf’s who i know well and like then there is my fifth friend who seems to have a different date every time we meet up and he asks if he can bring his new gf. i don’t want to be a dickhead so i say yes but i say she has to pick her own tab since i don’t know her and we are going to an expensive restaurant. the 12 of us show up and are seated and the night goes great until the bill arrives. i pay it and we then leave i then go over to her and ask for my 80 dollars (she ordered a 45 dollar steaks and a starter and dessert) she looks at me like i’ve just stepped off mars and then just laughs. i see nothing funny about it and ask again, my friend now comes up to me and asks wtf why are you asking my gf for 80 dollars and i remind him that i said she would have to pay for herself. he says he thought i was joking and now the girl is saying she won’t pay it. i’m now annoyed and say either you pay me or we’re not giving you a ride home (all my friends side with me). she stands there with her arms crossed so i get in the car and we all drive off. when we get home my gf thought i was an arsehole but i think i was justified i even told her that she had to pay. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> it was my birthday and i decided to go out for dinner with friends, i invite 4 of them who all bring their gf’s who i know well and like then there is my fifth friend who seems to have a different date every time we meet up and he asks if he can bring his new gf. i don’t want to be a dickhead so i say yes but i say she has to pick her own tab since i don’t know her and we are going to an expensive restaurant. the 12 of us show up and are seated and the night goes great until the bill arrives. i pay it and we then leave i then go over to her and ask for my 80 dollars (she ordered a 45 dollar steaks and a starter and dessert) she looks at me like i’ve just stepped off mars and then just laughs. i see nothing funny about it and ask again, my friend now comes up to me and asks wtf why are you asking my gf for 80 dollars and i remind him that i said she would have to pay for herself. he says he thought i was joking and now the girl is saying she won’t pay it. i’m now annoyed and say either you pay me or we’re not giving you a ride home (all my friends side with me). she stands there with her arms crossed so i get in the car and we all drive off. when we get home my gf thought i was an arsehole but i think i was justified i even told her that she had to pay. aita? [/INST] esh, you targeted the wrong person. your friend should have paid for her if he'd told her it would be free </s>
AITA for moving out when my stepsister ruined my father's day gift for my dad?	i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.	25,778	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o45ui3/aita_for_moving_out_when_my_stepsister_ruined_my/	2021-06-20 13:38:27	nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap. if you stayed i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made. stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you.	nta. being locked out of your own room is unacceptable. while your step family is awful, it’s your mom who is the real ah. she should be advocating and standing up for you. being locked out and not getting to keep your dads stuff is completely on her. i’m sure she had no problem spending or getting your stepdad to agree to keep any ss benefit she gets for you for your dad having passed away.	nta i’m so sorry that you lost your dad and i’m sorry that you have an insensitive mom. if you can stay with your uncle, i would. your mom has not considered your feelings regarding your father, and the fact that she does nothing about how your stepfather and step sister treat you is truly awful. keep your distance.	nta that girl sounds absolutely horrible and needs some therapy. at least the mom and step dad were also angry at her, but holy crap. she’s 16, she knows what she did. she knows what this meant to you. she’s disgusting. also, that step brother or whatever needs to get talked to as well. nta	nta- you have a very weak mother. you are better at standing up for yourself. do not move back until she grows a spine (ie. involves the court and proves that she will always have your best interests).	nta - absolutely nta. you were living in an emotionally negative place, and thankfully you have your uncle to help out. mom should have stood up for you long before this. sounds like your stepsister and stepbrother are both spoiled and need some maturing.	nta. you are in a toxic situation that you need to get out of for your own sanity. if you had stayed stepsister would have taken it out on you because she was punished. the fact that you were being locked out of your own bedroom is just crazy. stay with uncle providing it’s a healthy atmosphere. stepdad is insecure and you will never be treated as an equal there.	nta why does this sound like the plot to cinderella? evil step-dad with an evil step brother and sister. glad you got out of that situation and hope you can stay out if that situation. i'm sorry about what happened to your gift	nta. your ("immediate") family sounds like they are all emotional leeches. i can't believe that your mom just allowed her husband and his kids to push you around like this, so badly that you felt like you couldn't live there anymore. i'm glad that your uncle and the rest of your family are decent people.	nta your stepdad and step siblings all sound awful. your mom is worse. you have almost nothing of your dads because her new husband doesn’t want any reminders of him around? that is complete bs. that alone should have been a deal breaker for her and should have kept her from marrying him in the first place. allowing him to lock you out of your own bedroom is another thing she never should have allowed to happen. your stepsister getting in trouble for breaking your gift is the only thing either your mom or stepdad did that was right out of everything you said. your mom’s family is mad at her for good reason. it isn’t your fault they are mad at her, it is her fault and only her fault. they are mad at her because she is choosing to fail to do her job as your parent. stay with your uncle as long as necessary. there is no need to go back to your mom and stepdad’s house as long as they are going to treat you as they have been when you have a safe and healthy alternative with your uncle.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?. [/INST] nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap. if you stayed i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made.** stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you. </s>
WIBTA if I refused to help with my partner's daughter's grad party after I've been banned from attending?	my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?	23,811	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucygvo/wibta_if_i_refused_to_help_with_my_partners/	2022-04-27 08:06:16	nta - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? plus, does your partner know about this? is he not going to stand up for you? man if i were you i'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, i'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place."	nta i would stop all planning and remove any financial assistance you were making too. let both your partner and his daughter know that everything is on them, and that you will remove yourself as requested. cancel anything that had been booked, leave it to them and take yourself out on that night. book yourself a nice hotel room, have a great dinner and turn off your phone. have a night to yourself.	nta. honestly i’m petty as fuck. if my partner wanted to agree to banish me from my own fucking house, you best believe i’m not coming back. and fuck doing the decor. fuck it. the fucking audacity! your partner’s ex has poisoned the kids’ minds and your partner is failing you as a partner by doing nothing but facilitating ex’s diabolical whims.	nta. your "partner" didn't really get a divorce. his behaviour is disgusting. completely spineless. under no circumstances would i host a party or invest anything in it at all. and i would take a long close look at your so called "partner".	your house and you can't attend? i'm sorry but you need to tell them to fuck off and find a new venue. sure the mum didn't just deliberately not book a venue so they could avoid the expense and use your house? nta	tell her that her mother's presence in your home will anger you but you are willing to put up with it for her sake but if her mother can't cope not then she is welcome to organise and host the party herself. but explain that you will not be disrespected by being told to leave your home after spending so long setting up something for her benefit. nta. the fucking audacity to watch you work for a week before telling you is mind blowing. she thought you wouldn't want to have wasted that time so would leave. she thought wrong.	nta who asks someone to plan and host a party they can’t attend? do they plan to cover all displayed photos of you in your home as well? i also assume you’re not being paid for any of this. how is your partner ok with you being treated this way?	nta. they want the party to be in your house but you're banned from it? sounds like they need to find a new venue.	nta, it’s at your house. what are you meant to do go above and beyond when her mother didn’t bother and then leave the comfort of your own home or sit in your room for hours? nope not today satan.	nta - who in their right mind would tell you, you're not welcome in your own home?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party? [/INST] nta - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? plus, does your partner know about this? is he not going to stand up for you? man if i were you i'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, i'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place." </s>
AITA For having the mother of daughter deported?	a few years ago i met this women maggie, she was on a work visa originally from europe. after casually dating for a few months she told me she was pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby, i wasn't happy about this at all this was not how i pictured starting my family. i was always careful and wore protection even though she told me she was on bc. after many discussions, i resigned myself to my fate of becoming a dad. i had no interest in having a romantic relationship with maggie, something she kept pushing for. so the baby arrives and i just fall in love with her instantly, i ended up love being a dad to her and me and maggie seem to be doing an okay job of managing to coparent. one day out of the blue maggie tells me she's met someone, initially i'm okay with it only slightly concerned as this will be a new person in our daughter's life. then she hit with the kicker...he lived all the way on the east coast and she planned on moving and taking our daughter with her, it was like a gut punch. i immediately told her that wasn't happening and i wouldn't allow it. it turned into a pretty big screaming match with her pretty much telling me she's doing it and there's nothing i can do the stop her. for the next few days i couldn't eat or sleep properly, on a conversation with my brother he told me to go talk to a lawyer, something about my brother he's always been a calculating sob. remember that work visa? he reminded me to bring up the fact that it had expired quite a while ago. well i did that. long story short...maggie got deported and banned from entering the country for several years and i got full custody. this wasn't my first choice but i'll take it over only seeing my daughter once possibly twice a year. i was telling a close friend the story and she told me i did the wrong thing and that i shouldn't have taken a daughter away from her mother. i said she planned on taker her away from me and playing house with a man i knew nothing about and she barely knew. so i'm here asking aita? **	4,750	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge7xqy/aita_for_having_the_mother_of_daughter_deported/	2020-05-05 22:43:28	esh. she shouldn't plan to move so far away, without your consent. that shouldn't be legally possible with shared custody. but you deported the mother of your daughter. holy shit. you will pay a fortune of therapy sessions.	esh. you could have gone to court and tried to get a custody arrangement which would have prevented her moving. you could have told your ex about her visa and given her warning. now your baby won’t see her mom for six years, you are a huge a-hole. obviously she is also ta for trying to move cross country.	yta. you're clearly legally recognised as the father. if she'd moved away within the country then you could have worked out some form of custody that enabled you to see your daughter regularly. in fact, as she was the one moving and willingly upending your child's life for her new partner, you could even have stood to get majority custody. instead you went from 0 to 100 and now maggie cannot even be in the same country as her own daughter. yes, maggie played dirty by planning to move away from you without even consulting you, but you went nuclear.	yta - i work in family law and you had so many other options. you suck and i feel bad for your daughter.	looking at some comments is shocking to me - why is it nobody putting the daughter first here? it’s not about what’s fair for the parents, or whether it’s okay retaliate to shit behaviour with the same shit behaviour. both the mum and dad had no problem removing the child from the other parent. and frankly it’s going to be a majorly distressing turning point in this child’s life. she’s suddenly living full time with one parent who caused her mother to be removed, not just from her, but from the country. that’s fucked up, no matter who started it, and i guarantee the child won’t see it so kindly as she gets older. there were so many other options to take here and the child is going to pay for your inability to see beyond your own win. esh. i hope this is fake.	esh, but you are far worse. you went immediately to the nuclear option based on advice from your calculating brother. you could have just gotten a custody agreement that would prevent her from moving out of state. instead you got her daughter taken away and her deported. you are so screwed when she gets old enough to ask where her mom is. either you lie and destroy the relationship when she eventually finds out, or you tell the truth and immediately become the bad guy.	this sounds suspiciously made up.	esh. i understand that there was a lot of desperation on your end, how much your daughter means to you. but you retaliated by doing the same thing to her that would've killed you, but worse. you could've seen her a few times a year. when's the next time she'll see her daughter? also, think about your daughter. single parents tend to not have as easy of a time with their children.	nta. she was going to remove your child out of your life. you did what you had to. i bet it was easier than a custody battle.	nta maggie planned on taking your child away from you. your actions led to a consequences that was no more harmful than she planned to do to you.	ESH	ESH	YTA	YTA	ESH	ESH	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.3711	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few years ago i met this women maggie, she was on a work visa originally from europe. after casually dating for a few months she told me she was pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby, i wasn't happy about this at all this was not how i pictured starting my family. i was always careful and wore protection even though she told me she was on bc. after many discussions, i resigned myself to my fate of becoming a dad. i had no interest in having a romantic relationship with maggie, something she kept pushing for. so the baby arrives and i just fall in love with her instantly, i ended up love being a dad to her and me and maggie seem to be doing an okay job of managing to coparent. one day out of the blue maggie tells me she's met someone, initially i'm okay with it only slightly concerned as this will be a new person in our daughter's life. then she hit with the kicker...he lived all the way on the east coast and she planned on moving and taking our daughter with her, it was like a gut punch. i immediately told her that wasn't happening and i wouldn't allow it. it turned into a pretty big screaming match with her pretty much telling me she's doing it and there's nothing i can do the stop her. for the next few days i couldn't eat or sleep properly, on a conversation with my brother he told me to go talk to a lawyer, something about my brother he's always been a calculating sob. remember that work visa? he reminded me to bring up the fact that it had expired quite a while ago. well i did that. long story short...maggie got deported and banned from entering the country for several years and i got full custody. this wasn't my first choice but i'll take it over only seeing my daughter once possibly twice a year. i was telling a close friend the story and she told me i did the wrong thing and that i shouldn't have taken a daughter away from her mother. i said she planned on taker her away from me and playing house with a man i knew nothing about and she barely knew. so i'm here asking aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> a few years ago i met this women maggie, she was on a work visa originally from europe. after casually dating for a few months she told me she was pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby, i wasn't happy about this at all this was not how i pictured starting my family. i was always careful and wore protection even though she told me she was on bc. after many discussions, i resigned myself to my fate of becoming a dad. i had no interest in having a romantic relationship with maggie, something she kept pushing for. so the baby arrives and i just fall in love with her instantly, i ended up love being a dad to her and me and maggie seem to be doing an okay job of managing to coparent. one day out of the blue maggie tells me she's met someone, initially i'm okay with it only slightly concerned as this will be a new person in our daughter's life. then she hit with the kicker...he lived all the way on the east coast and she planned on moving and taking our daughter with her, it was like a gut punch. i immediately told her that wasn't happening and i wouldn't allow it. it turned into a pretty big screaming match with her pretty much telling me she's doing it and there's nothing i can do the stop her. for the next few days i couldn't eat or sleep properly, on a conversation with my brother he told me to go talk to a lawyer, something about my brother he's always been a calculating sob. remember that work visa? he reminded me to bring up the fact that it had expired quite a while ago. well i did that. long story short...maggie got deported and banned from entering the country for several years and i got full custody. this wasn't my first choice but i'll take it over only seeing my daughter once possibly twice a year. i was telling a close friend the story and she told me i did the wrong thing and that i shouldn't have taken a daughter away from her mother. i said she planned on taker her away from me and playing house with a man i knew nothing about and she barely knew. so i'm here asking aita? [/INST] esh. she shouldn't plan to move so far away, without your consent. that shouldn't be legally possible with shared custody. but you deported the mother of your daughter. holy shit. you will pay a fortune of therapy sessions. </s>
AITA for asking my ex-wife to stop making my kids jealous and flaunting	so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10) i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3). i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family. so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year. my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person. it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas. it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind? am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?	11,605	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zej0hw/aita_for_asking_my_exwife_to_stop_making_my_kids/	2022-12-06 21:42:47	yta &#x200b; she is doing nothing wrong. &#x200b; "me and my wife are the last people on her mind?".. of course you are. what else would you expect? &#x200b; she is good to her kids. good parenting. you are no concern to her, except that you are a parent to her kids. &#x200b; "or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?" .. yes, you are.	[removed]	holy mother of projection, batman your ex wife is doing well for herself and wants to treat her children well, and you aren't part of the equation here. stop being spiteful yourself and be better for your kids yta	info: how far apart in age exactly are m10 and f9?	so you got married a hot second after having divorced your wife (who had just given birth), then turned around and had a baby (and then two more) and now are sad that your life didn’t work out as well as hers? yta.	yta you’re the one who decided to have 5 damned kids and you make little money and your wife is sah. you really think your sons should be living in poverty because you are? all that said, why aren’t you being paid child support if there’s such a disparity?	yta for having a sahw while only making 30k a year with 5 kids in the picture. get over your insecurities, tell the new wife to get a job, learn how to budget but most importantly keep your nose out of your exs financials.	yta just looking through your children's ages, and it looks like you got your current wife pregnant immediately after your ex wife gave birth to your and her younger child and you divorced your first wife right at the same time she gave birth to your and her younger son. irrelevant to your question, but makes one go hmmm.. your ex is not doing anything wrong, she's simply spending on her children. however, if you can barely afford heating, it's time for your wife to start working. thers zero reason for her to be a sahm when your kids are 9, 7 and 3 years old. and you obviously cannot afford it, when you don't make the ends meet. so stop looking at your ex's lifestyle through your bitter lense and start looking for ways to improve yours. you cannot control what your ex does with her money, and that she wants to experience exciting, fun things with your kids. you only can control what goes on in your home, and how your money is spent	you have been divorced 10 years. your younger son is 10. your oldest daughter is 9. are you suggesting your ex wife is spiteful because you cheated? if so, she sure showed you. you have five kids, make $30k per year, and your wife doesn’t work. for that alone, yta. and your ex wife started this new successful venture 4 years ago. probably because she found out your wife was pregnant and your ex knew the little you were able to contribute toward your sons’ expenses was going to be that much less. you daughters get a full time dad, and their mom doesn’t work outside the home. spend some of that parenting time teaching your daughters how to be happy for other people and that they can’t get everything they want. and get over your jealousy of your ex-wife’s success. you see your sons two days a week. you were divorced when they were 2 and a newborn. there is no reason why custody shouldn’t be 50/50 other than you deciding to start over and just be a weekend dad. and it doesn’t sound like they were bragging or being obnoxious. just excited. be glad they thriving and have the opportunity to have nice experiences despite your selfishness.	yta for one, your problem isn't even with your ex wife flaunting her wealth to your kids, it's your other kids flaunting their vacation to your kids. perfectly fine to ask them to not bring it up in front of the others, but what does that have to do with your ex wife? for two, motherfucker you got 5 kids and you make 30k a year. you knew the bed you were making before you had 3 more kids.	YTA	null	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10) i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3). i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family. so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year. my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person. it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas. it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind? am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10) i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3). i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family. so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year. my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person. it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas. it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind? am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful? [/INST] yta &#x200b; she is doing nothing wrong. &#x200b; "me and my wife are the last people on her mind?".. of course you are. what else would you expect? &#x200b; she is good to her kids. good parenting. you are no concern to her, except that you are a parent to her kids. &#x200b; "or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?" .. yes, you are. </s>
AITA for trying to even out the presents me and my brother would get as kids?	throwaway in case i (22m) have been spoiled by my parents from a young age. i believe it was for a few reasons, i would say i’m “physically” gifted and a was always a very exceptional sports player and currently am close to being in a professional league, which i think will be relevant later on. my brother (24m) wasn’t abused physically or anything like that by my parents but he did not get the same treatment i did when we were younger. he’s more artsy, uninterested in athletics, and has depression, anxiety, adhd and dyslexia. so from a young age my parents always were kind of short with my brother and say things to him like “you know how much we have to deal with for you” and that sort of stuff, and would thank god for me being what they said was “normal” or that they sent me to them after all the “suffering” they had to deal with with my brother with all the therapy and hospital visits and other stuff he’s dealt with in his life. as a kid i never really knew how to stick up for him but i didn’t like the way they treated him. on birthdays and christmas we’d get different treatments, his would have little effort from my parents with maybe just a cake and a couple small presents like socks and underwear or a video game. my birthdays would always be some extravagant balloon infested thing with people over and barbecues and quite a few presents. similar things on christmas with the gift disparity. my parents would also say things to me as i got older like “you can repay us when you buy us a house after you sign a big league contract” and stuff like that. so i always felt bad and would try to make up for the birthdays and christmases for him and i’d buy him big presents or when i was younger give him some of the stuff i got to try and even it out. the other day my brother broke up with his long term gf and it was pretty harsh (she cheated). i tried to pop over at his house to take him out or try and comfort him by not letting him be alone but when he opened the door he started screaming at me about how he doesn’t need my pity and i’ve always looked down at him by giving him my presents or buying him crazy things and it always made him feel even worse as a kid and he didn’t want my pity then and doesn’t want it now, and to leave him alone and slammed the door on me. this really caught me off guard as he’s never ever voiced any issues with me directly about what happened as kids. tl;dr me and my brother were treated differently as kids and i would try to even it out by buying him presents or giving him some of the ones i got	3,203	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nwp3hq/aita_for_trying_to_even_out_the_presents_me_and/	2021-06-10 14:33:05	nah, your brother reacted badly in an emotional moment and unloaded years of pent up feelings ( no matter how misdirected) but you may have missed previous clues to him being unhappy which is why this came as a shock( imo) i think you both need a heartfelt talk after a cooling down period for you both to sort your thoughts and emotions out. i hope it works out for you.	nah except your parents. you tried to be a good brother but he might have perceived it differently and took it as pity. i'm sure he'll come around when he calms down and you can talk to him.	nah except your parents. you were trying in the way you thought best to help your brother. your brother was emotionally abused by your parents and clearly did not see your actions as they were intended. who knows, maybe your parents told him that you pity him. when he calms down try and talk to him. apologize and let him him know that you weren't trying to hurt him but you now know that you did hurt him.	nah except for your parents. if i were you, i'd send him a message saying something like; ''i'm so sorry i upset you the other day. i hope we can fix things between us because i love you and never gave you things out of pity. i gave you things because i love you and wanted you to have as much as i did. i gave you things partly out of guilt i suppose.. because it made me feel bad when i was treated so nicely compared to you. i wasn't a better son than you and hated being treated as though i was.. it never made any sense to me why they'd treat us so differently when you're literally the best big brother i could have asked for. i'm not good at explaining this stuff sometimes, so i'm sorry that it came across as me pitying you - in honesty i pity our parents for being so blind to the fact that you're a great son and brother''. (cut whatever out that isn't quite right.. re-word etc, but send him something similar to show him how much he means to you and that it wasn't pity, but a sense of injustice and empathy. that you wanted him to be treated as the equal he is).	nta- he’s upset about his girlfriend and taking it out on you. it sounds like your parents were really shitty. i can’t imagine how he feels. just give him a little space but let him know you’re there for him.	nta.what your parents did to your brother was abuse. blaming him for thing that he can't control. you and your brother need to sit-down and have a serious talk about the years of abuse he suffered at the hand of your parents. if you love your brother, you will sit with him and talk it out. your parents tainted your relationship with your brother.	nta, obviously. you're parents are the assholes. he may not have been abused phsysically but this is definetly neglect. your brother probably appreciates what you do but it still is out of pity. clearly he isn't in a good place right now and judging by how your parents talked about "having so much to deal with for him" he probably has a hard time accepting help, especially from the "perfect brother". cut him some slack, let him be angry.	nah. i think your intentions were beautiful but the mistreatment by your parents led to your brother interpreting them as pity instead of love. its not hard to understand how that could happen. give him some time to process and maybe once emotions are less high you can talk to him and explain why you did what you did.	your parents sound like they're the type of people that only see their kids as property and expect to get everything back (like that house they mentioned, like wtf?) i don't think you're an a-hole, it seems your intentions were good but weren't received quite well. i would write a letter to your brother and explain everything you want to say to him, that you want to be there for him and not just throw some pity party. the only a holes in this situation are your parents, they belittled and emotionally messed up your brother by saying those things to him, completely not right or fair.	nta but give him some space. perhaps write out what you wrote here. tell him you love him and did these actions in hopes of making him happy, not to hurt his feelings. after giving him the letter, give him some space to sort himself out. break ups are hard and bring up a lot of emotions	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	NTA	0.019171	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway in case i (22m) have been spoiled by my parents from a young age. i believe it was for a few reasons, i would say i’m “physically” gifted and a was always a very exceptional sports player and currently am close to being in a professional league, which i think will be relevant later on. my brother (24m) wasn’t abused physically or anything like that by my parents but he did not get the same treatment i did when we were younger. he’s more artsy, uninterested in athletics, and has depression, anxiety, adhd and dyslexia. so from a young age my parents always were kind of short with my brother and say things to him like “you know how much we have to deal with for you” and that sort of stuff, and would thank god for me being what they said was “normal” or that they sent me to them after all the “suffering” they had to deal with with my brother with all the therapy and hospital visits and other stuff he’s dealt with in his life. as a kid i never really knew how to stick up for him but i didn’t like the way they treated him. on birthdays and christmas we’d get different treatments, his would have little effort from my parents with maybe just a cake and a couple small presents like socks and underwear or a video game. my birthdays would always be some extravagant balloon infested thing with people over and barbecues and quite a few presents. similar things on christmas with the gift disparity. my parents would also say things to me as i got older like “you can repay us when you buy us a house after you sign a big league contract” and stuff like that. so i always felt bad and would try to make up for the birthdays and christmases for him and i’d buy him big presents or when i was younger give him some of the stuff i got to try and even it out. the other day my brother broke up with his long term gf and it was pretty harsh (she cheated). i tried to pop over at his house to take him out or try and comfort him by not letting him be alone but when he opened the door he started screaming at me about how he doesn’t need my pity and i’ve always looked down at him by giving him my presents or buying him crazy things and it always made him feel even worse as a kid and he didn’t want my pity then and doesn’t want it now, and to leave him alone and slammed the door on me. this really caught me off guard as he’s never ever voiced any issues with me directly about what happened as kids. tl;dr me and my brother were treated differently as kids and i would try to even it out by buying him presents or giving him some of the ones i got	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway in case i (22m) have been spoiled by my parents from a young age. i believe it was for a few reasons, i would say i’m “physically” gifted and a was always a very exceptional sports player and currently am close to being in a professional league, which i think will be relevant later on. my brother (24m) wasn’t abused physically or anything like that by my parents but he did not get the same treatment i did when we were younger. he’s more artsy, uninterested in athletics, and has depression, anxiety, adhd and dyslexia. so from a young age my parents always were kind of short with my brother and say things to him like “you know how much we have to deal with for you” and that sort of stuff, and would thank god for me being what they said was “normal” or that they sent me to them after all the “suffering” they had to deal with with my brother with all the therapy and hospital visits and other stuff he’s dealt with in his life. as a kid i never really knew how to stick up for him but i didn’t like the way they treated him. on birthdays and christmas we’d get different treatments, his would have little effort from my parents with maybe just a cake and a couple small presents like socks and underwear or a video game. my birthdays would always be some extravagant balloon infested thing with people over and barbecues and quite a few presents. similar things on christmas with the gift disparity. my parents would also say things to me as i got older like “you can repay us when you buy us a house after you sign a big league contract” and stuff like that. so i always felt bad and would try to make up for the birthdays and christmases for him and i’d buy him big presents or when i was younger give him some of the stuff i got to try and even it out. the other day my brother broke up with his long term gf and it was pretty harsh (she cheated). i tried to pop over at his house to take him out or try and comfort him by not letting him be alone but when he opened the door he started screaming at me about how he doesn’t need my pity and i’ve always looked down at him by giving him my presents or buying him crazy things and it always made him feel even worse as a kid and he didn’t want my pity then and doesn’t want it now, and to leave him alone and slammed the door on me. this really caught me off guard as he’s never ever voiced any issues with me directly about what happened as kids. tl;dr me and my brother were treated differently as kids and i would try to even it out by buying him presents or giving him some of the ones i got [/INST] nah, your brother reacted badly in an emotional moment and unloaded years of pent up feelings ( no matter how misdirected) but you may have missed previous clues to him being unhappy which is why this came as a shock( imo) i think you both need a heartfelt talk after a cooling down period for you both to sort your thoughts and emotions out. i hope it works out for you. </s>
AITA for demanding my brother and SIL pay to have my toilet/tub fixed or they can find a new babysitter?	my brother and sil are both essential workers and have both taken on longer shifts in a highly dangerous field. they couldn't work from home or not work but didn't want to put their daughter (my niece, 13f) at risk (she has a compromised immune system) so they asked if she could stay with me and my family for a while. we have some spare room so my husband and i agreed and they give us some money each month to help pay for our niece's food. but we pay for everything else. she's been staying with us for a few months and things have been fine. she's bonded well with my son (12m) over video games. but the problem arose a couple weeks ago when our toilet and tub started acting up. the toilet wouldn't flush and almost overflowed, and water run in the tub wouldn't go down either. and when we plunged the toilet the mess would come up in the tub. we tried drain-o but it didn't do much. so we called a plumber and he pulled out a huge gross clog...of black hair. i have short strawberry blonde hair, my husband has a shaved head, and our son has short blond hair. ....my niece has my sister in law's long inky black hair. it ended up costing us almost $600 to get the problem fixed. apparently the clog was deep in the main household's sewer line and not just in the toilet pipe. a regular pipe snake wasn't long enough to reach it so they had to bring in a machine to handle it. husband and i agreed it was unfair we should have to pay for this mess to get fixed when we didn't cause it, so i called my brother and told him what happened and that he needed to pay me the $600 since his daughter caused the issue. he said that wasn't fair and we were blaming our house's problem on their daughter. especially since we "didn't know it was her hair!". i sent him a picture of the black clog and he didn't reply for the rest of the day. then he messaged me and said they didn't have the funds to pay that amount and to just use the money they send to pay for niece's food. but also still feed her. i told them if they didn't pay us by the end of the week then they could come pick niece up and find new babysitters. sil called me angry sobbing saying i was a heartless bitch and how could i throw out my niece like this and they were having such a hard time and now i 'do this to them' after 'all we have done for you!'. i don't know what 'help' she is referring to? now my husband is having second thoughts, i know he feels guilty (he's such a bleeding heart). and we're not rich and having to shell out $600 really screwed us over. but i have to ask, aita? quick edit! people are assuming we didn't have a hair catcher in the tub. we do. i asked my niece why it wasn't catching her hair and she told me she would remove it each time she showered because it would make the water go down too slow.. so the clog is actually her fault.	995	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mlkedk/aita_for_demanding_my_brother_and_sil_pay_to_have/	2021-04-06 20:03:25	info: if the clog was so far down how are you sure that she caused the problem? i've lived in the same place for years and snakes the drain on december. there was definitely hair in there that wasn't mine.	yta coming from a person who had a similar plumbing issue recently. there’s really no way of telling how long that build up has been there. i’m sure her hair probably didn’t help, but that was probably going to happen at some point. i highly doubt it was just her hair that caused the issue in that short amount of time. plus, no matter how pissed i get at my brother’s, i’m never going to take it out on my nieces and nephews.	yta. the kid is 13. if no one's taught her about hair clogging the drain, she has no frame of reference for it because it's not something one just knows intuitively. hell i'm 47 and i still forget sometimes. myriad gadgets can be purchased on amazon for a few bucks to prevent future clogging. and if you're really honest with yourself, you know that a) it wasn't only your niece's hair, hers was just the dominant color in the clog and b) y'all ignored the slow draining water for a good bit of time before it got that bad. a $600 bill sucks but tossing your niece out for not knowing something no one ever taught her is a dick move. editing since op added the note about her niece removing the hair trap. ok, so you know they exist and you know what they do. she didn't. now she does, too.	nta - just read your edit where your niece owns up to the clog. i would pass that info on to her parents and tell them that you still stand with the choice of paying the bill or finding a new babysitter.	yta. former contractor here. clogs that deep that require a mechanized rooter are not solely from a few months of no hair catcher. as a matter of fact, some plumbers that i contracted said that hair catchers are actually a contributing factor to getting clogs. as hair gets trapped in drains any dirt and debris that it comes in contact with will collect it and start to mold causing any hair color to appear black. fun fact: cut open a child’s bath toy after a few months. the outside will be cleanish but the inside will be black as pitch even if you clean them after every bath. you owe them an apology for not being an informed homeowner and offer to foot the bill for your nieces’ everything for a few months as a mea culpa.	nta. if the kid had accidentally broken a $600 vase or other item, it would be her parents responsibility to pay. to say niece didn't know doesn't absolve them of that responsibility. == if parents can't afford to pay all at once, some sort of payment plan should be set up. == the extreme drama surrounding this makes me wonder where the adults are. reasonable people accept responsibility for their obligations and negotiate reasonable solutions. smh	yta you could have asked for help paying part of the bill but calling and demanding they pay the bill for something that was essentially unavoidable and done with zero malicious intent is an ah thing to do. what is she supposed to do? not wash her hair? your threats makes you double the ah.	yta. yeah no i keep changing my mind on this, i doubt the clog was really just all her hair. feels like you're taking this out on her, i can feel your anger through the screen its that palpable. i'm not surprised sil is crying, you're pretty much putting them in a terrible situation "either pay up for something that couldn't have been possibly all your daughters fault else we will put your immune compromised daughter out." the fact you told us she has a compromised immune system and her parents are working dangerous jobs that could possibly bring covid to their doorsteps just makes this feel very icky.	yta. hair shouldn't really cause that kind of expensive clog. so unless she was knotting it up and shoving it down the drain it isn't her fault. it's not in her control and sounds like a preexisting problem with your plumbing that her hair got caught in.	nta you screwed up by not having that edit in the initial post lmao. might as well make another one.	INFO	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.441	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother and sil are both essential workers and have both taken on longer shifts in a highly dangerous field. they couldn't work from home or not work but didn't want to put their daughter (my niece, 13f) at risk (she has a compromised immune system) so they asked if she could stay with me and my family for a while. we have some spare room so my husband and i agreed and they give us some money each month to help pay for our niece's food. but we pay for everything else. she's been staying with us for a few months and things have been fine. she's bonded well with my son (12m) over video games. but the problem arose a couple weeks ago when our toilet and tub started acting up. the toilet wouldn't flush and almost overflowed, and water run in the tub wouldn't go down either. and when we plunged the toilet the mess would come up in the tub. we tried drain-o but it didn't do much. so we called a plumber and he pulled out a huge gross clog...of black hair. i have short strawberry blonde hair, my husband has a shaved head, and our son has short blond hair. ....my niece has my sister in law's long inky black hair. it ended up costing us almost $600 to get the problem fixed. apparently the clog was deep in the main household's sewer line and not just in the toilet pipe. a regular pipe snake wasn't long enough to reach it so they had to bring in a machine to handle it. husband and i agreed it was unfair we should have to pay for this mess to get fixed when we didn't cause it, so i called my brother and told him what happened and that he needed to pay me the $600 since his daughter caused the issue. he said that wasn't fair and we were blaming our house's problem on their daughter. especially since we "didn't know it was her hair!". i sent him a picture of the black clog and he didn't reply for the rest of the day. then he messaged me and said they didn't have the funds to pay that amount and to just use the money they send to pay for niece's food. but also still feed her. i told them if they didn't pay us by the end of the week then they could come pick niece up and find new babysitters. sil called me angry sobbing saying i was a heartless bitch and how could i throw out my niece like this and they were having such a hard time and now i 'do this to them' after 'all we have done for you!'. i don't know what 'help' she is referring to? now my husband is having second thoughts, i know he feels guilty (he's such a bleeding heart). and we're not rich and having to shell out $600 really screwed us over. but i have to ask, aita? quick edit!** people are assuming we didn't have a hair catcher in the tub. we do. i asked my niece why it wasn't catching her hair and she told me she would remove it each time she showered because it would make the water go down too slow.. so the clog is actually her fault.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my brother and sil are both essential workers and have both taken on longer shifts in a highly dangerous field. they couldn't work from home or not work but didn't want to put their daughter (my niece, 13f) at risk (she has a compromised immune system) so they asked if she could stay with me and my family for a while. we have some spare room so my husband and i agreed and they give us some money each month to help pay for our niece's food. but we pay for everything else. she's been staying with us for a few months and things have been fine. she's bonded well with my son (12m) over video games. but the problem arose a couple weeks ago when our toilet and tub started acting up. the toilet wouldn't flush and almost overflowed, and water run in the tub wouldn't go down either. and when we plunged the toilet the mess would come up in the tub. we tried drain-o but it didn't do much. so we called a plumber and he pulled out a huge gross clog...of black hair. i have short strawberry blonde hair, my husband has a shaved head, and our son has short blond hair. ....my niece has my sister in law's long inky black hair. it ended up costing us almost $600 to get the problem fixed. apparently the clog was deep in the main household's sewer line and not just in the toilet pipe. a regular pipe snake wasn't long enough to reach it so they had to bring in a machine to handle it. husband and i agreed it was unfair we should have to pay for this mess to get fixed when we didn't cause it, so i called my brother and told him what happened and that he needed to pay me the $600 since his daughter caused the issue. he said that wasn't fair and we were blaming our house's problem on their daughter. especially since we "didn't know it was her hair!". i sent him a picture of the black clog and he didn't reply for the rest of the day. then he messaged me and said they didn't have the funds to pay that amount and to just use the money they send to pay for niece's food. but also still feed her. i told them if they didn't pay us by the end of the week then they could come pick niece up and find new babysitters. sil called me angry sobbing saying i was a heartless bitch and how could i throw out my niece like this and they were having such a hard time and now i 'do this to them' after 'all we have done for you!'. i don't know what 'help' she is referring to? now my husband is having second thoughts, i know he feels guilty (he's such a bleeding heart). and we're not rich and having to shell out $600 really screwed us over. but i have to ask, aita? quick edit!** people are assuming we didn't have a hair catcher in the tub. we do. i asked my niece why it wasn't catching her hair and she told me she would remove it each time she showered because it would make the water go down too slow.. so the clog is actually her fault. [/INST] info: if the clog was so far down how are you sure that she caused the problem? i've lived in the same place for years and snakes the drain on december. there was definitely hair in there that wasn't mine. </s>
AITA for telling my Fiance to get over himself?	i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.	14,235	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4wb9h/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_to_get_over_himself/	2022-04-16 12:00:35	yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet. 'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.' 'i don't people to laugh at us.' so...don't invite ahs to your wedding? i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now.	yta unequivocally. a huge gaping one. he lost his child. you don't get over that. you made him sob over a chair. think about that for a minute. the way you're approaching this is disgusting. you're the one that needs to get over yourself. if i were him i would be calling the whole wedding off. the disrespect is unreal.	you are right about his grief clouding his thinking sometimes. he must've been totally clouded over when he agreed to marry you. you come across as a very cold hearted, self obsessed person. you don't deserve him. yta	yta - leaving a front row seat open at the ceremony and having an “in memory” table with some pictures of loved ones you wish could attend at the reception are both very common wedding practices for people who have lost close family members.	yta. no one is going to think he's mentally unstable or insane, thats all in your head. its quite common to have emty chairs for this reason, if you place a photo on the chair its clear what you are doing. they are usually in the family section where they belong not as an afterthought in the back. interestingly you felt only your fiance's age was relevant here. given you care more about people laughing at you than your fiance's very valid feelings perhaps you shouldn't be marrying him. the only clouded judgement here is yours. you are the one who needs to get over yourself and stop caring about what other guests might think. i'd be very surprised if he marries you after this. he deserves better.	yta. a massive one. like....couldn't be more of one. he should not only get his empty seat at the very front, but there should be a photo of his son in that seat. he will always be a father and the fact that you're trying to erase his son from an important day in his life and belittling his feelings is a really big indicator of how the rest of his life with you will be. i hope he sees that before it's too late (for him).	yta. that is a beautiful way to have his deceased child still included in the wedding and everyone who would laugh at that or think him 'mentally unstable' should not be someone you want at your wedding anyway	yta. wow. never seen an easier one on this sub ever	yta, majorly. i''ve been at multiple weddings where an empty chair was reserved for a deceased loved one. there's no reason any guest will make fun of you or think he's unstable. it's not going to ruin the aesthetic of your wedding...cuz that's what you seem to be worried about. secondly, how dare you try to invalidate his grieving. he lost a child for gosh sake. shame on you. edited formating	i have never seen anyone post on this site who was more of ta than this.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.*	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.* [/INST] yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet. 'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.' 'i don't people to laugh at us.' so...don't invite ahs to your wedding? i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now. </s>
AITA for confronting my daughter?	my daughter is 17 and very insecure. because she's insecure she's very demanding of others when it comes to affection and attention, whether it's from her close friends, family, her boyfriend, etc. i just got done my last shift of work for quite a while, and my youngest daughter (7) came up to me and told me that my oldest had been rude to her and my son (12) all day. she wouldn't explain any further so i just asked my son what was going on. apparently my oldest came into the play room while they were in the middle of playing toys and told them that she wanted a hug from them. they told her they didn't want to because they were in the middle of playing and she sat in the doorway fake crying and saying "i wish my family didn't hate me so much." my son also told me that when he told her he didn't hate her she called him a liar and said if they really cared about her they would give her a hug. apparently my son felt bad so he gave her a hug but my youngest still wouldn't do it so she stayed in the doorway and said "come hug me or else you'll be a bad person." it got to the point where after the events were being recounted my youngest daughter cried and said "i don't wanna be a bad person i love her." i came down the stairs because she sleeps in the basement, and i asked her why she bullied the other two all day. she said "they wouldn't listen to me." i said "bullshit. they didn't hug you so because you felt entitled to that you called them names and made them feel bad when they said no." she said "well i'm their sister and i think they should be able to take 3 seconds out of their day to hug me and then go back to doing whatever they're doing." i said she was being a selfish bully and that i was glad i was home now so that i didn't have to worry about her bullying my kids anymore. i found out that she does this often and even shuts off their tv if they don't tell her they love her when she says she loves them just so that they pay attention and say what she wants to hear. here's where i think i'm the ah. when i heard that, i yelled down "if it turns out when they get older that they really don't love you and resent you for picking on them i wouldn't blame them." and slammed the door. she came up and had a full-blown meltdown, telling me that i was a horrible mother and that because i said that, i must love the other two more than her. aita?	3,101	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/foz1g6/aita_for_confronting_my_daughter/	2020-03-25 21:51:19	info: has your daughter been screened for a mental illness, like borderline personality disorder? symptoms include: * thinking that everyone hates you * needing attention right this second * taking a soft no/request to wait as extreme rejection * putting people on pedestals and becoming enraged when they don't live up to expectations * extreme mood swings	i just read that she's been diagnosed with bpd since she was 16, yta. she's not "insecure" she has a mental illness. you are the parent, bruh. is she going to therapy currently, or is that not necessary because she's just "insecure"? you should look into dbt. dialectical behavioral therapy was specifically designed for bpd, though it's now being used to treat a wider range of mood disorders. she has abnormal coping habits, is manipulative, and needs to unlearn those habits and learn ones that do not hurt the people around her. you might want a little help too. you can help your kids create boundaries without literally contributing to the cause.	yta- i almost said "everyone sucks here" until i saw your daughter was diagnosed with bpd. you need to meet with her therapist to give yourself and your other children strategies on how to deal with her manipulative behavior in a way that doesn't damage anyone. you're the adult here, you don't get the luxury of melting down in the face of your children's distress.	environmental factors are a primary cause for bpd. very, very often bpd develops due to a history of abuse in childhood. i looked through your post history, and you [manipulate and threaten ](https://reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/fg561g/aita_for_throwing_pieces_of_bread_after_she/) your daughter by using her phobias against her. you're emotionally abusive and a terrible parent. let your daughter get treatment for the illness you caused. please stop hurting her. you've done enough. yta	yeah, yta. i totally understand the level of frustration that brought you to that point of saying that though. but you start off saying that your 17 year old is insecure. using her insecurities against her was wrong. better to not say anything and wait until you you’re not lashing out at her would be better.	yta dude. you fucked your kid up and now you’re mad she isn’t what you want??? btw one of ops worst comments “emotional abuse doesn't exist. people choose how to interpret what is said and done to them if it doesn't physically harm them. if someone believes in emotional abuse, they are mentally weak.”	yta - only for that final comment, but that final comment was really damaging. that would make anyone, mentally ill or not, feel absolutely torn up inside. as a parent, you have to model emotionally-mature conflict resolution. it's really hard! but ultimately, you owe your daughter an apology for that statement, if only to model that sort of behavior for her. don't say "i'm sorry for saying that, but i was upset/you were unreasonable/etc," just apologize genuinely. if you talk to her about this issue again, make your apology as distinct from that if you can.	yta i find it peculiar that in the original post, you forgot to mention the fact that your daughter suffers from a mental illness for which this kind of behavior is a typical symptom of. a mental illness that is certainly not helped or solved by yelling at your daughter for something she cannot control. yes, she needs to learn to control it, but yelling at her and calling her "immature" isn't exactly the help she needs. that is unless her therapist has told you directly that yelling at someone can help fix their illness. you have gotten her a therapist, right?	continuing your abuse, eh? yta. if your daughter grows up to hate you, i wouldn't blame her. see what i did there?	i feel like you don’t need judgment from us. you know what you said was an asshole move. you’re dealing with a child. please remember that. simply reverting back to being childish will not help either of you. you’re expected to be the adult. yes, kids can be mean and they can definitely make you seriously mad, but that doesn’t excuse you being an ass. yta.	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter is 17 and very insecure. because she's insecure she's very demanding of others when it comes to affection and attention, whether it's from her close friends, family, her boyfriend, etc. i just got done my last shift of work for quite a while, and my youngest daughter (7) came up to me and told me that my oldest had been rude to her and my son (12) all day. she wouldn't explain any further so i just asked my son what was going on. apparently my oldest came into the play room while they were in the middle of playing toys and told them that she wanted a hug from them. they told her they didn't want to because they were in the middle of playing and she sat in the doorway fake crying and saying "i wish my family didn't hate me so much." my son also told me that when he told her he didn't hate her she called him a liar and said if they really cared about her they would give her a hug. apparently my son felt bad so he gave her a hug but my youngest still wouldn't do it so she stayed in the doorway and said "come hug me or else you'll be a bad person." it got to the point where after the events were being recounted my youngest daughter cried and said "i don't wanna be a bad person i love her." i came down the stairs because she sleeps in the basement, and i asked her why she bullied the other two all day. she said "they wouldn't listen to me." i said "bullshit. they didn't hug you so because you felt entitled to that you called them names and made them feel bad when they said no." she said "well i'm their sister and i think they should be able to take 3 seconds out of their day to hug me and then go back to doing whatever they're doing." i said she was being a selfish bully and that i was glad i was home now so that i didn't have to worry about her bullying my kids anymore. i found out that she does this often and even shuts off their tv if they don't tell her they love her when she says she loves them just so that they pay attention and say what she wants to hear. here's where i think i'm the ah. when i heard that, i yelled down "if it turns out when they get older that they really don't love you and resent you for picking on them i wouldn't blame them." and slammed the door. she came up and had a full-blown meltdown, telling me that i was a horrible mother and that because i said that, i must love the other two more than her. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my daughter is 17 and very insecure. because she's insecure she's very demanding of others when it comes to affection and attention, whether it's from her close friends, family, her boyfriend, etc. i just got done my last shift of work for quite a while, and my youngest daughter (7) came up to me and told me that my oldest had been rude to her and my son (12) all day. she wouldn't explain any further so i just asked my son what was going on. apparently my oldest came into the play room while they were in the middle of playing toys and told them that she wanted a hug from them. they told her they didn't want to because they were in the middle of playing and she sat in the doorway fake crying and saying "i wish my family didn't hate me so much." my son also told me that when he told her he didn't hate her she called him a liar and said if they really cared about her they would give her a hug. apparently my son felt bad so he gave her a hug but my youngest still wouldn't do it so she stayed in the doorway and said "come hug me or else you'll be a bad person." it got to the point where after the events were being recounted my youngest daughter cried and said "i don't wanna be a bad person i love her." i came down the stairs because she sleeps in the basement, and i asked her why she bullied the other two all day. she said "they wouldn't listen to me." i said "bullshit. they didn't hug you so because you felt entitled to that you called them names and made them feel bad when they said no." she said "well i'm their sister and i think they should be able to take 3 seconds out of their day to hug me and then go back to doing whatever they're doing." i said she was being a selfish bully and that i was glad i was home now so that i didn't have to worry about her bullying my kids anymore. i found out that she does this often and even shuts off their tv if they don't tell her they love her when she says she loves them just so that they pay attention and say what she wants to hear. here's where i think i'm the ah. when i heard that, i yelled down "if it turns out when they get older that they really don't love you and resent you for picking on them i wouldn't blame them." and slammed the door. she came up and had a full-blown meltdown, telling me that i was a horrible mother and that because i said that, i must love the other two more than her. aita? [/INST] info: has your daughter been screened for a mental illness, like borderline personality disorder? symptoms include: thinking that everyone hates you * needing attention right this second * taking a soft no/request to wait as extreme rejection * putting people on pedestals and becoming enraged when they don't live up to expectations * extreme mood swings </s>
AITA for getting mad that my GF let's our kids watch Frozen/Frozen 2 on repeat?	my (27m) girlfriend (26f) let's our two kids (3.5m & 2f) watch the frozen series multiple times throughout a day and consistently almost every day of the week. it should be noted that i am the sole financial provider while she stays at home with the kids. this ordeal began to slowly frustrate me more and more when i stopped having to work from the office for very obvious reasons. i can hear my son screaming the frozen songs at the top of his lungs. he constantly asks to watch the movie and seems to get pretty upset when it's something other than frozen. she will also voluntarily put the movie on so she can sleep on the couch and not have to deal with them throughout the day since they just sit and watch. this has been going on for almost a year now. my son also loves to watch the youtuber blippi. for those who don't know him, he's a prevalent figure with regards to kids education and exploration. he dresses almost circus-like and makes his voice very high pitch which can become annoying after listening to it for a while. i find his videos to be great since my son has actually learned a lot from him. my son will shout "look an excavator!" when we drive past one, understands upper and lower case letters, colours, shapes very well, is really into baking sheet watching a few episodes with it, can't stop telling me how excited he is to ride a motorcycle/dirt bike one day, and absolutely loves anything medical related (he firmly believes blippi is a doctor after one particular episode). unfortunately, my gf refuses to put blippi on as much as possible because she finds him intolerable. my son can ask 10 times in a day and she may not even put it on once. here's where i may be an ah. i heard her put frozen on again this morning and i cheekily asked her if she was seriously putting this movie on again. this is how the conversation went: gf - yea what's the big deal? he asked for it. me - why don't you put blippi on when he asks for it then? gf - this again? you know why. i think blippi's super annoying. me - so you're preventing both our children from learning educational items and instead letting them watch a fictional movie which benefits them in no way whatsoever because you don't like blippi? doesn't seem like you have the kids best interests at heart... seems like you're just being lazy and selfish. obviously that last comment didn't go too well for me, as i got quite the earful. however, my position still stands. i don't think it's healthy to watch the same movie series non stop, especially when i don't even want them watching that much tv in the first place (something that is entirely out of my control since i'm out of the house most of the time). if they are going to watch tv, i'd rather there be a good amount of educational videos thrown in with a sprinkle of cartoons/fictional movies. aita?	2,275	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fsdw99/aita_for_getting_mad_that_my_gf_lets_our_kids/	2020-03-31 14:30:32	info: more of a request, can you ask your wife to type out her pov? no offense to you, but this is one sided to the point of being unable to give a judgment your wife might be burnt out and may be barely holding on. i really can't stand kids personally so i was on your side, but when i think about it. she must be having a really hard time with the kids alone, and having you insult her rather than problem solve? sounded shitty.	yta. first, kids get stuck on movies at that age, so it could be worse. in my babysitting days, barney was very popular. second, you can watch blippi with the kids after work if you’d like them to be exposed to that content, but while you’re at work, she’s the ceo of the kiddos. maybe get some wireless headphones so the kids can listen to either one without you and your wife having to hear, or find another one of the millions of educational youtube channels without an annoying voice, but the name calling was over the line.	info: now that you are home what is preventing you from putting blippi on for your son? how can your gf find it annoying when she's sleeping/in another room?	esh but you more so. just so you know, kids do go through phases where they literally want to watch and rewatch something all day. you gf sounds burnt out. kids are a fucking lot of work especially two small ones. your words are showing your ignorance to what she does while you’re at work. honestly. also high pitched cartoons are damn hard to withstand and i love cartoons. also, do you believe your son has only learned what he knows off the show?	yta you find frozen annoying. she finds blippy annoying but you’re the one who called her a lazy parent because you’re now annoyed. you deserved that earful. kids get obsessed with movies. i remember watching aladdin and little mermaid on repeat for years before moving on. are you this offhandedly judgmental about other duties you normally don’t perform and have a passing familiarity with? because you sound like the typical blundering clueless dad who has no connection to their kind and just wanders in to bitch about the children not being perfect after a mild annoyance. be a fucking parent and watch blippy with them instead of brow beating and insulting your wife into doing. asshole.	> it should be noted that i am the sole financial provider while she stays at home with the kids. > > doesn't seem like you have the kids best interests at heart... seems like you're just being lazy and selfish. yta - in general.	yta let's be clear, you attacked and criticized your partner's character not the behavior. you called her lazy, selfish, said she didn't have the kids best interest at heart, and was preventing them from learning. this is not how healthy relationships communicate disagreements with one another. you are worried about your kids watching too much t.v. but i'm worried they will pick up on how you talk to your s.o. showing contempt for your partner is the biggest predictor of a relationship on the rocks. two kids under 5 a lot - you can't seem to handle the noise and chaos for a few days but she's been doing it for a few years. she might be burnt out or need to pull herself together but your comments and attitude don't help in either of those cases.	yta mainly for that you’re lazy comment. she’s a stay at home mom anything that successfully gets her some me time is good your argument against frozen is the same as hers against blippy. you dont like it. and as she’s the one who’s in the room while whatever shows on her feelings on the matter are worth more	this seems like something that could be approached in a more polite manner. it's also worth pointing out that your children likely are learning quite a bit from repeatedly watching frozen 2. i haven't heard of blippi, but i endured about ten minutes of it to respond to this. i've worked in early childhood education in the past and blippi seems like a typically show aimed at preschools. he talks in an overly happy and over exaggerated manner. and he teaches children basic words and terms. yes, this is educational. but keep in mind that much of early childhood development isn't just about learning facts. they need to learn basic socialization skills. interacting with parents helps social development, but it isn't enough on its own because it only gives children the perspective on how parents and small children interact. fiction is very important for social development because it allows small children to understand the different roles that people can occupy as well as what social rules govern different interactions. most children will then 'act out' these roles through pretend play. since the rules are complex and small child are constantly processing new information, they will watch the same piece of media again and again to learn more. frozen 2 is educational because the characters talk to each other like adults (way better for vocab building than blipp) and the relational themes are complex. your kids are likely learning something novel from each viewing. otherwise, they would become bored with it much like adults do. i'm not saying that there can't be room for both frozen 2 and blippi in your kids lives (although, i'd recommend sesame street if you want a program where characters both have realistic interpersonal conflicts and teach facts). but keep in mind that use of fictional media, especially now when most kids can't interact with anybody outside of their homes, is important for social development. oh, i guess i should include a judgment too....nah i guess? just because this is probably a stressful situation for everybody already. talk to your wife about what changes are realistic for you to make. i know most experts recommend less than an hour of screen time a day for kids under five, but i've also never met a parent who was able to achieve that without outside help (especially not with two kids so close in age). a more realistic approach might be to make screen time more interactive. let the kids watch frozen 2 with mom and blippi with dad. after they watch, ask them questions like 'why do think anna wanted to destroy the dam?' or 'blippi talked about cameras today. did you know that my phone is also a camera?'. this would allow your kids to better process what they are learning. you could even try to start a pretend game with them where you played as elsa or blippi.....or elsa meets blippi :p	esh. your gf sounds burnt out. you find frozen annoying after being home for a few weeks, she's found blippi annoying after dealing with it for who knows how long. the kids aren't going to miss out on some critical part of their education if they don't get to watch blippi. you want the kids to be more engaged, play a role in that instead of putting it all on your wife. that you can't take 15 minutes away from work whilst you're at home, to do an activity with the kids is bs and you know it. be the change you want to see. > she will also voluntarily put the movie on so she can sleep on the couch and not have to deal with them throughout the day since they just sit and watch. this has been going on for almost a year now. also, you're grossly exaggerating here. if your gf spent that much time sleeping, over a period of a year, while the kids are at that age (2.5/1yr - 3.5/2yrs), some serious shit would have gone down by now - them hurting themselves/each other or screwing up the house. she's taking naps here and there, which is probably much needed. or exhibiting signs of depression.	INFO	YTA	INFO	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	ESH	0.105708	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (27m) girlfriend (26f) let's our two kids (3.5m & 2f) watch the frozen series multiple times throughout a day and consistently almost every day of the week. it should be noted that i am the sole financial provider while she stays at home with the kids. this ordeal began to slowly frustrate me more and more when i stopped having to work from the office for very obvious reasons. i can hear my son screaming the frozen songs at the top of his lungs. he constantly asks to watch the movie and seems to get pretty upset when it's something other than frozen. she will also voluntarily put the movie on so she can sleep on the couch and not have to deal with them throughout the day since they just sit and watch. this has been going on for almost a year now. my son also loves to watch the youtuber blippi. for those who don't know him, he's a prevalent figure with regards to kids education and exploration. he dresses almost circus-like and makes his voice very high pitch which can become annoying after listening to it for a while. i find his videos to be great since my son has actually learned a lot from him. my son will shout "look an excavator!" when we drive past one, understands upper and lower case letters, colours, shapes very well, is really into baking sheet watching a few episodes with it, can't stop telling me how excited he is to ride a motorcycle/dirt bike one day, and absolutely loves anything medical related (he firmly believes blippi is a doctor after one particular episode). unfortunately, my gf refuses to put blippi on as much as possible because she finds him intolerable. my son can ask 10 times in a day and she may not even put it on once. here's where i may be an ah. i heard her put frozen on again this morning and i cheekily asked her if she was seriously putting this movie on again. this is how the conversation went: gf - yea what's the big deal? he asked for it. me - why don't you put blippi on when he asks for it then? gf - this again? you know why. i think blippi's super annoying. me - so you're preventing both our children from learning educational items and instead letting them watch a fictional movie which benefits them in no way whatsoever because you don't like blippi? doesn't seem like you have the kids best interests at heart... seems like you're just being lazy and selfish. obviously that last comment didn't go too well for me, as i got quite the earful. however, my position still stands. i don't think it's healthy to watch the same movie series non stop, especially when i don't even want them watching that much tv in the first place (something that is entirely out of my control since i'm out of the house most of the time). if they are going to watch tv, i'd rather there be a good amount of educational videos thrown in with a sprinkle of cartoons/fictional movies. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (27m) girlfriend (26f) let's our two kids (3.5m & 2f) watch the frozen series multiple times throughout a day and consistently almost every day of the week. it should be noted that i am the sole financial provider while she stays at home with the kids. this ordeal began to slowly frustrate me more and more when i stopped having to work from the office for very obvious reasons. i can hear my son screaming the frozen songs at the top of his lungs. he constantly asks to watch the movie and seems to get pretty upset when it's something other than frozen. she will also voluntarily put the movie on so she can sleep on the couch and not have to deal with them throughout the day since they just sit and watch. this has been going on for almost a year now. my son also loves to watch the youtuber blippi. for those who don't know him, he's a prevalent figure with regards to kids education and exploration. he dresses almost circus-like and makes his voice very high pitch which can become annoying after listening to it for a while. i find his videos to be great since my son has actually learned a lot from him. my son will shout "look an excavator!" when we drive past one, understands upper and lower case letters, colours, shapes very well, is really into baking sheet watching a few episodes with it, can't stop telling me how excited he is to ride a motorcycle/dirt bike one day, and absolutely loves anything medical related (he firmly believes blippi is a doctor after one particular episode). unfortunately, my gf refuses to put blippi on as much as possible because she finds him intolerable. my son can ask 10 times in a day and she may not even put it on once. here's where i may be an ah. i heard her put frozen on again this morning and i cheekily asked her if she was seriously putting this movie on again. this is how the conversation went: gf - yea what's the big deal? he asked for it. me - why don't you put blippi on when he asks for it then? gf - this again? you know why. i think blippi's super annoying. me - so you're preventing both our children from learning educational items and instead letting them watch a fictional movie which benefits them in no way whatsoever because you don't like blippi? doesn't seem like you have the kids best interests at heart... seems like you're just being lazy and selfish. obviously that last comment didn't go too well for me, as i got quite the earful. however, my position still stands. i don't think it's healthy to watch the same movie series non stop, especially when i don't even want them watching that much tv in the first place (something that is entirely out of my control since i'm out of the house most of the time). if they are going to watch tv, i'd rather there be a good amount of educational videos thrown in with a sprinkle of cartoons/fictional movies. aita? [/INST] info: more of a request, can you ask your wife to type out her pov? no offense to you, but this is one sided to the point of being unable to give a judgment your wife might be burnt out and may be barely holding on. i really can't stand kids personally so i was on your side, but when i think about it. she must be having a really hard time with the kids alone, and having you insult her rather than problem solve? sounded shitty. </s>
AITA for telling my teammates that if they want their name to appear on the project, they have to pay me?	so, i (19m) worry a lot about my grades, and i have been told that i am very bossy and rude when working in a team, so i wanted to know if i am an ah. i'm a university student. i have a team project due this week. the project is equivalent to 60% of our final grade, and i have a scholarship, so this project is extremely important to me. the teacher made the teams. i teamed up with with m, n and f. from the beginning, i could see that m, n, and f do not have a good work ethic. they rejected all my requests to start doing the project, they did not respond to my messages and they did not want to meet to do the work either. when we only had a month until the delivery date, i gave up and started doing the work myself. they didn't contact me again, so i didn't either. the project is due in three days, and i just received a message from m, n, and f. they know i did the work because i told them that i have a scholarship and i care about my grades, so they have been sending me a lot of messages about the project. i got sick of getting their messages, so i texted them: "you didn't do anything in the almost two months we had to work on the project. you also ignored my messages and didn't care about the project until this week. i did the work of 4 people alone and you are a fool if you think i am going to add your name to a project you did not participate in for free. if you want your name to appear, you must pay me 100 usd. if you don't pay, then i guess you'll fail." m, n, and f are really angry, and they haven't stopped posting on social media about how awful i am, saying i'm a bad teammate and the worst human being, etc. honestly, i don't care what they say, but my group of friends tells me that demanding that they pay me is something that only an ah does and that i should just be the bigger person and add them to the project, so i'm now conflicted.	2,539	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ppu088/aita_for_telling_my_teammates_that_if_they_want/	2021-09-17 05:20:15	esh i get you're mad, rightly so. but the answer is to fail them, not offer to let them pass for $100. they didn't do the work, you did. you don't get to extort them for cash and you shouldn't be offering a pass mark for cash. fail em, take your grade, continue with you scholarship. good luck.	esh. of course they’re jerks for not doing their work and you had every right to report them and try to get your grade separated from their (lack of) effort. that said, extorting them is a butthole move. but worse than that, it’s a dumb move. if you get caught, you could fail the assignment and, by extension the course. and you’d probably lose your scholarship. a max of $300 is not worth that. professors generally understand sometimes not everybody in a group works. be upfront with them about that. but don’t extort the people on your team.	yta. pretty sure you could get in big trouble for offering grades for money if they took it to admin.	esh - just submit it under your own name and explain to the faculty. you’re committing academic misconduct if you receive payment for doing work for someone else, and if you cared about your scholarship you wouldn’t do that. you could be tossed out of college wholesale if the faculty found out.	you shouldn't have responded to them. you should have just taken your work (with just your name on it) to your teacher / professor with a note with screen shots of you attempting to contact them.	what i find funny about all this is that in these stories, nobody thinks to go see their tutor before it all becomes an issue. you had two months to bring this up with the university. two months to talk to the tutor, two months. frankly you all deserve to get poor marks, as you all failed to demonstrate the maturity or ability to work as a team,and overcome all the issues associated. extortion will cost you your place at university. and yes, it would make you the arsehole.	esh. they're the ah for not working on the project and expecting that they would get the full credit when they did nothing. you're the ah for expecting them to pay. in this situation email the professor about it; don't try to bribe your partners to make a quick buck. pretty sure if you were caught doing that you would be in serious trouble.	esh you texted them? as in, "in writing"? ...dude. you claim to care about your scholarship and then you do something hare-brained as that? if i were you, i'd hope they aren't savvy enough to show your offer to the teacher.	esh. as others point out, your actions are putting your scholarship in jeopardy. you should and could have handled this better. you should have spoken to your professor once it became clear your team weren't willing to put in any work and asked to be transferred or for him to put pressure on the other members. you have not handled this particularly well. for something that's worth 60% of your grade, you've pretty stupidly handled this assignment.	you’ve just exposed yourself to the risk of getting kicked out of college for bribery - in hind sight you should have talked to your professor. your best bet now is just to put their names on the project and let this whole thing blow over. esh - your project mates are clearly dicks. you make a poor judgement and tried to extort them.	ESH	ESH	YTA	ESH	null	null	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	0.031651	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i (19m) worry a lot about my grades, and i have been told that i am very bossy and rude when working in a team, so i wanted to know if i am an ah. i'm a university student. i have a team project due this week. the project is equivalent to 60% of our final grade, and i have a scholarship, so this project is extremely important to me. the teacher made the teams. i teamed up with with m, n and f. from the beginning, i could see that m, n, and f do not have a good work ethic. they rejected all my requests to start doing the project, they did not respond to my messages and they did not want to meet to do the work either. when we only had a month until the delivery date, i gave up and started doing the work myself. they didn't contact me again, so i didn't either. the project is due in three days, and i just received a message from m, n, and f. they know i did the work because i told them that i have a scholarship and i care about my grades, so they have been sending me a lot of messages about the project. i got sick of getting their messages, so i texted them: "you didn't do anything in the almost two months we had to work on the project. you also ignored my messages and didn't care about the project until this week. i did the work of 4 people alone and you are a fool if you think i am going to add your name to a project you did not participate in for free. if you want your name to appear, you must pay me 100 usd. if you don't pay, then i guess you'll fail." m, n, and f are really angry, and they haven't stopped posting on social media about how awful i am, saying i'm a bad teammate and the worst human being, etc. honestly, i don't care what they say, but my group of friends tells me that demanding that they pay me is something that only an ah does and that i should just be the bigger person and add them to the project, so i'm now conflicted.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so, i (19m) worry a lot about my grades, and i have been told that i am very bossy and rude when working in a team, so i wanted to know if i am an ah. i'm a university student. i have a team project due this week. the project is equivalent to 60% of our final grade, and i have a scholarship, so this project is extremely important to me. the teacher made the teams. i teamed up with with m, n and f. from the beginning, i could see that m, n, and f do not have a good work ethic. they rejected all my requests to start doing the project, they did not respond to my messages and they did not want to meet to do the work either. when we only had a month until the delivery date, i gave up and started doing the work myself. they didn't contact me again, so i didn't either. the project is due in three days, and i just received a message from m, n, and f. they know i did the work because i told them that i have a scholarship and i care about my grades, so they have been sending me a lot of messages about the project. i got sick of getting their messages, so i texted them: "you didn't do anything in the almost two months we had to work on the project. you also ignored my messages and didn't care about the project until this week. i did the work of 4 people alone and you are a fool if you think i am going to add your name to a project you did not participate in for free. if you want your name to appear, you must pay me 100 usd. if you don't pay, then i guess you'll fail." m, n, and f are really angry, and they haven't stopped posting on social media about how awful i am, saying i'm a bad teammate and the worst human being, etc. honestly, i don't care what they say, but my group of friends tells me that demanding that they pay me is something that only an ah does and that i should just be the bigger person and add them to the project, so i'm now conflicted. [/INST] esh i get you're mad, rightly so. but the answer is to fail them, not offer to let them pass for $100. they didn't do the work, you did. you don't get to extort them for cash and you shouldn't be offering a pass mark for cash. fail em, take your grade, continue with you scholarship. good luck. </s>
AITA for demanding to be a partner in my wife's business?	long time reader, 1st time poster. keeping it vague for anonymity. during covid my wife took up crafting and has become quite good at it. she makes beautiful creations. we have talked in general terms about setting up a business or renting a table at a craft show to sell her goods, but didn't take any concrete action until recently. one day my wife was commenting how she wished she could do her crafts as a full time job. i decided to surprise her and registered her preferred domain name and over the course of a couple weeks secretly built her an online store. i showed her the store and things got real very quickly. we built a business plan, spent several thousand dollars of joint funds in start up costs and have been actively pursuing sales, with some early success and positive feedback. it is early days and we are not yet profitable. i am involved in all aspects of the business (procurement, sales, marketing, fulfillment) except design and production. i have also happily taken on more of the housework so she has time to create products over the last few days my wife has gotten very territorial and cringes when i talk about "our" business. at times she actively tries to correct me and insists it is her business. she sees my role somewhere between an employee and what is expected of a supportive husband. i get it - this business is her dream that i was helping her realize. i don't want to overstep and i have reassured her that she is ceo and gets final say over all aspects of the business, but i am still a co-founder and owner. i feel like the recognition that this is a joint business is important given the amount of time and energy we are both investing into it - it is a journey we are doing together. life partners and business partners. her dream has become my dream. here is where i may be the ah. my wife continues to be protective and i told my wife that unless she accepts me as a partner (let's say 49%), i will find other ways to support her but won't be working on the business. there is too much work for 1 person to do and i am afraid of sabotaging the business by ceasing work. she has given me half ass answers that she appreciates my support but won't say the magic words that she considers me a business partner. am i overstepping and aita? summary: i helped my wife start a business. i may be an ah for refusing to work on the business because my wife refuses to recognize me as a business partner.	3,114	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ui9x6p/aita_for_demanding_to_be_a_partner_in_my_wifes/	2022-05-04 16:02:09	esh you are assuming ownership of an entity you were not invited to own. your partner is exploiting the labour of a third party (you) without fair compensation. you are entitled to an ownership stake considering the effort you have put in but you grossly overstepped assuming it. your wife’s casual dismissal of the value of your contribution is ungrateful, naive and exploitive. you both should have hashed this out first.	yta you used a "surprise" to shoehorn yourself into her project. not okay. your surprise was in no way a gift if it actually meant that you were going to claim half ownership. and you never should have presented finished things to her as a means to demand ownership of a business that she wanted to start. ownership and respective job roles should have been discussed in advance of any work, and you circumvented that and demanded partnership based on work she did not ask you for. you are being a sketchy and manipulative business partner here.	if it was truly a surprise and gift, let her own the business completely, but gradually step aside of it.	info: why is it so important to you to own almost half a company built on her creative/artistic skills? why didn’t you tell her that if you helped, you wanted to take half the company before now? if you told her before you two made the investment and you made yourself indispensable, she would have been able to fairly choose, but now you have huge leverage over her.	nah. i was in this exact situation many years ago. me being an artist, bf sees potential, builds a website/ budgeting etc. at first, i was very grateful for his surprise help. but then his help started to become a burden, meaning it felt like i had to “obey” to his ideas and overwhelming constant look over my shoulder when i never ever ever asked for his help in the first place. his help became “if it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be here at this point”. he was taking credit for the success where it wasn’t due at all. he then wanted to be my agent, and wanted to split revenues 60/40, 60 for him. that’s how crazy he became. you asking for 49% was rough. work on a deal that she should reimburse you your half of the expenses and let her have her business in peace. and never ever say it’s your business. or “our business”. she’s the creator. it’s her business.	yta you basically gave yourself 49% equity in her company as a surprise... she never agreed to any of it, or asked for it -- you just took it upon yourself. in the process, you have probably sucked the joy out of her hobby, and now used it as a means of control over her. maybe just back off and provide only the assistance she asks for? if you're too pushy about being her business partner, she may no longer see you as the supportive partner you once were.	esh. or possibly everyone's an idiot. this is the kind of thing you should talk through and come to agreement on before anyone does it, rather than making it up as you go along.	yta - you turned doing a "nice thing" for your wife into a hostile takeover and then when you don't get your own way, you try to pull the rug out from under her. yta - because you took on a bunch of tasks for her without talking to her ahead of time and set all these expectations and then demanded that she meet your expectations that you didn't discuss with her first. seriously dude, don't mix personal relationships with business.	info: was setting up the website and getting this rolling a gift? or was it the start of a business? because it sounds like you presented your help as a gift, and now you’re asking for ownership. this kind of shifting dynamic is why many family businesses struggle. if i’m confused, i can only imagine she is. if it was a gift at the start, but you’ve now changed your mind due to increased contributions, then you need to explicitly tell her that. and then ask her how much she’d like you to be involved, and go from there. she is the owner of the business, and you both should treat this is a business conversation. some couples are able to compartmentalize like that and some aren’t. it’s not a failure either way, but you guys need to have the conversation.	info: you set up the store, but was it publicly available and functional when you presented it to her, or was it locked behind something like a login until you had a business plan?	ESH	YTA	null	INFO	NAH	YTA	ESH	YTA	INFO	INFO	0.192405	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long time reader, 1st time poster. keeping it vague for anonymity. during covid my wife took up crafting and has become quite good at it. she makes beautiful creations. we have talked in general terms about setting up a business or renting a table at a craft show to sell her goods, but didn't take any concrete action until recently. one day my wife was commenting how she wished she could do her crafts as a full time job. i decided to surprise her and registered her preferred domain name and over the course of a couple weeks secretly built her an online store. i showed her the store and things got real very quickly. we built a business plan, spent several thousand dollars of joint funds in start up costs and have been actively pursuing sales, with some early success and positive feedback. it is early days and we are not yet profitable. i am involved in all aspects of the business (procurement, sales, marketing, fulfillment) except design and production. i have also happily taken on more of the housework so she has time to create products over the last few days my wife has gotten very territorial and cringes when i talk about "our" business. at times she actively tries to correct me and insists it is her business. she sees my role somewhere between an employee and what is expected of a supportive husband. i get it - this business is her dream that i was helping her realize. i don't want to overstep and i have reassured her that she is ceo and gets final say over all aspects of the business, but i am still a co-founder and owner. i feel like the recognition that this is a joint business is important given the amount of time and energy we are both investing into it - it is a journey we are doing together. life partners and business partners. her dream has become my dream. here is where i may be the ah. my wife continues to be protective and i told my wife that unless she accepts me as a partner (let's say 49%), i will find other ways to support her but won't be working on the business. there is too much work for 1 person to do and i am afraid of sabotaging the business by ceasing work. she has given me half ass answers that she appreciates my support but won't say the magic words that she considers me a business partner. am i overstepping and aita? summary: i helped my wife start a business. i may be an ah for refusing to work on the business because my wife refuses to recognize me as a business partner.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> long time reader, 1st time poster. keeping it vague for anonymity. during covid my wife took up crafting and has become quite good at it. she makes beautiful creations. we have talked in general terms about setting up a business or renting a table at a craft show to sell her goods, but didn't take any concrete action until recently. one day my wife was commenting how she wished she could do her crafts as a full time job. i decided to surprise her and registered her preferred domain name and over the course of a couple weeks secretly built her an online store. i showed her the store and things got real very quickly. we built a business plan, spent several thousand dollars of joint funds in start up costs and have been actively pursuing sales, with some early success and positive feedback. it is early days and we are not yet profitable. i am involved in all aspects of the business (procurement, sales, marketing, fulfillment) except design and production. i have also happily taken on more of the housework so she has time to create products over the last few days my wife has gotten very territorial and cringes when i talk about "our" business. at times she actively tries to correct me and insists it is her business. she sees my role somewhere between an employee and what is expected of a supportive husband. i get it - this business is her dream that i was helping her realize. i don't want to overstep and i have reassured her that she is ceo and gets final say over all aspects of the business, but i am still a co-founder and owner. i feel like the recognition that this is a joint business is important given the amount of time and energy we are both investing into it - it is a journey we are doing together. life partners and business partners. her dream has become my dream. here is where i may be the ah. my wife continues to be protective and i told my wife that unless she accepts me as a partner (let's say 49%), i will find other ways to support her but won't be working on the business. there is too much work for 1 person to do and i am afraid of sabotaging the business by ceasing work. she has given me half ass answers that she appreciates my support but won't say the magic words that she considers me a business partner. am i overstepping and aita? summary: i helped my wife start a business. i may be an ah for refusing to work on the business because my wife refuses to recognize me as a business partner. [/INST] esh you are assuming ownership of an entity you were not invited to own. your partner is exploiting the labour of a third party (you) without fair compensation. you are entitled to an ownership stake considering the effort you have put in but you grossly overstepped assuming it. your wife’s casual dismissal of the value of your contribution is ungrateful, naive and exploitive. you both should have hashed this out first. </s>
AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I “refused” to take her to therapy for 2 years	my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive) when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility. i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful.	8,157	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/riouvj/aita_my_daughter_complained_behind_my_back_to_my/	2021-12-17 19:26:33	yta. the guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? she told the truth. until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her. and by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. she was sneaky because you refused to help. you failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole.	yta. she's been showing anxious behavior and lying since she was 5 and you never thought to get her medical care until she was in the 9th grade. how is she supposed to be open and talk to you when you accuse her of lying, read her personal diary and punish her for what you read when you snooped. you failed as a parent and you're blaming your daughter because you don't want to admit it.	>at that point i discovered by reading her journal there are many reasons yta, this is but one. >i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and this is another. talking to her brother is not "sneaky behavior." reading her journal ,however, is.	yta. she told you what was up and you decided to disregard her. did you do any research? her behaviors are textbook examples of these diagnoses. she was a kid, and you didn't get her the treatment she needed. as someone with anxiety, do you know how uncomfortable it is? do you think she wanted to do all those self soothing rituals? you look bad because you decided your anger was more valid than your daughter's mental health. if you look bad then oh well, you look bad. instead of once again starting a fight that you will be in the wrong about, how about trying to do better?	she asked for mental health help because she believed she had ocd, had been doing research, and you punished her. she went to other resources and when you found out you punished her and lied about refusing to take her- you quite literally did. living with untreated anxiety for years is a literal hell, coming from experience. she had literal signs as a child that something was up (the rituals) and considering she stayed in treatment? yeah, yta.	>i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. she asked for help and you said no. she reached out to someone who would actually listen to her and help her and you grounded her for lying. lying about what exactly? she reached out for someone, anyone because mom and dad think that if their daughter would just sit quietly and not speak, things would be fine. you always looked at anything she said with distrust, so why should she trust you. for 2 years she talked about it. she never lied about that, you just wouldn't listen. she was 13, reaching out for help and you said no, you're just a dirty liar and we aren't gonna help you. you gave up on your child instead of being a parent. the fact she has seen many specialists and gotten treatments over the years means your daughter was right all along. yta and you're the liar here trying to rewrite history. you look bad because you were bad.	oh, yta do the work, see a therapist. i am not sure if you can repair the relationship. you realising how you failed your daughter and apologising profusely might be a start on repair. it might help her.	yta. can someone explain it to me like i’m 5 now talking to her brother made her sneaky i’m just so confused, can’t wrap my head around it at all, op you seem far sneakier than your daughter.	“a few months later we did take her to the doctor for treatment.” she has been attending this treatment since then. you still think she was lying about needing help? you need therapy as well - for being in denial about why you had to let it get to the point of her seeking help through a guidance counselor.	yta and frankly, if it wasn't for the rule about being civil, i'd have *several* very colorful things to say to you. your daughter made an effort to get herself help and you denied her that for two years.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive) when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility. i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive) when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility. i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful. [/INST] yta. the guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? she told the truth. until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her. and by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. she was sneaky because you refused to help. you failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole. </s>
AITA for telling my daughter's father that he can't throw her a bday party when she's grounded?	my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available. earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input.	7,984	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yw5yvl/aita_for_telling_my_daughters_father_that_he_cant/	2022-11-15 18:46:08	yta. what kind of punishment let’s a child still have access to their electronics but doesn’t let them celebrate their birthday? that’s ridiculous.	yta. if your daughter did something bad enough that it warrants cancelling a birthday party and grounding her on her birthday, then it's bad enough that you and your ex need to discuss the appropriate punishment before giving it and generally get on the same page. you didn't do this. you acted unilaterally in deciding how to deal with her and he is merely doing the exact same thing. in other words, you undermined his parenting, too.	there isn’t much my kid could do that would warrant canceling their birthday party, while still allowing them to keep their electronics. so it really seems like a bit of a reach to connect the punishment with their birthday that happens once a year. yta because this seems like a decision made out of spite and anger and not a punishment that should be a teachable moment. edited to say, thanks for the silver 😊	info - what did your daughter do exactly? editing to say yta - your daughter broke a vase by accident, you don’t believe her because she called it ugly a single time. so she’s on a 4 day grounding with a canceled birthday. but you still allow her to be on her electronics. there’s so much dysfunction in this. even if you wanted to punish her for talking back (which may have just been defending herself depending on how stepdad was talking) it’s an extreme overreaction.	yta her dad is her parent too. info you’re not giving context for what warranted this which is important as currently you also look to be an a* for being harsh and not allowing a 14 or her family besides you celebrate it.	yta punishments are fine when warranted, but that doesn’t include taking away special occasions/holidays. what is wrong with you? i knew a girl whose mom took away holidays as a “punishment.” said girl is no longer in contact with her parents and that is indeed part of the reason. because seriously, who the fuck does that?	i really need to know what she did, and why electronic devices are still acceptable. editing to say yta. a vase got broken and you think her calling it ugly is proof she did it? i think 50% of my family heirlooms are ugly as sin and have never broken a single one. you're out of control.	yta: anything else you would like to tell your ex husband he can’t or can’t do at his own home? haha	yta. you can not under any circumstances force him to agree with your punishments. did you consult him before handing down such punishment? what he does, as long as its not illegal or abusive, on his time is his business, not yours. and honestly..... who takes a birthday away from their own child?	yta. so rather than take her electronics you’re punishing her by making her stay at home where she can just sit and play on her electronics? do you see the lack of punishment here? plus her friends who had been invited to her party had likely already bought presents for her, parents may have made plans since their kids were going to the party and multiple other issues.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available. earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available. earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input. [/INST] yta. what kind of punishment let’s a child still have access to their electronics but doesn’t let them celebrate their birthday? that’s ridiculous. </s>
WIBTA if I stopped paying the phone bill in favor of paying for just my device?	my grandmother passed away this year and it was a difficult time for our family. she placed three grandchildren (myself included) onto her phone plan and she paid for our service. she was the account holder of the account and since her passing i’ve paid about $1,500.00 in total to keep the lines active and ensure that myself and my siblings have service. i was the only one that went with my grandmother when she went to deal with the account so i have some information on the account that allowed me to pay the bill. my mother is not the best and each month makes promises to situate the phone company but then asks me to pay the phone bill when it’s due. whenever i ask her if she can pay it she gives me a huff and says she doesn’t have access to the account/ it’s difficult to access (which is a lie because she has my grandmother’s phone and can access the account from it.) this puts a strain on my limited finances (work retail reduced hours) and i’ve had to dip into my savings. i did some digging and found a way to save money while keeping our service and i’ve explained it to her numerous times. she does a song and dance around the topic but never moves towards helping me get the account in order. i recently gave her a time line and she replied with is a terse and passive aggressive ‘okay.’ iwbta if i stopped paying for the account and left my siblings to the devices of my mother who i don’t have much faith in to maintain the account. wibta if i stopped paying the phone bill in favor of paying for just my device? edit it was an ‘ok’ not ‘okay’	868	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5wieh/wibta_if_i_stopped_paying_the_phone_bill_in_favor/	2020-12-03 12:43:14	info: why are your siblings not giving money toward their own phone lines?	nta you need to put your financial situation first because no ones helping you even though things are tight. honestly just go get a walmart phone plan or something cheap like that	nta. seems to me your mom just wants to keep the status quo of ‘someone else paying her phone bill.’ bottom line is : you can’t afford to keep paying, so don’t.	nta, you gave her a heads up. remind her again a week before and stick to your guns.	just call the provider and tell them she died.	nta - but even if you pay for just your device their will be late fees on the account and usually if those don't get paid they still shut all phones off. just so you have a heads up	get your name off the account first	info: how much is the phone plan a month?? have you considered transferring the numbers to cheaper carriers? it's not fair that you have to shoulder the bill solo, but it's also not the end of the world if you shut down the accounts and figure out an affordable alternative.	nta, $1500!!!!! what the hell kind of plan do you have also, how many people? shut down the service, pay for your own, what are they going to do? they should still have a landline, and if they want to have phones, pay for it themselves.	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	INFO	NTA	null	0.036878	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandmother passed away this year and it was a difficult time for our family. she placed three grandchildren (myself included) onto her phone plan and she paid for our service. she was the account holder of the account and since her passing i’ve paid about $1,500.00 in total to keep the lines active and ensure that myself and my siblings have service. i was the only one that went with my grandmother when she went to deal with the account so i have some information on the account that allowed me to pay the bill. my mother is not the best and each month makes promises to situate the phone company but then asks me to pay the phone bill when it’s due. whenever i ask her if she can pay it she gives me a huff and says she doesn’t have access to the account/ it’s difficult to access (which is a lie because she has my grandmother’s phone and can access the account from it.) this puts a strain on my limited finances (work retail reduced hours) and i’ve had to dip into my savings. i did some digging and found a way to save money while keeping our service and i’ve explained it to her numerous times. she does a song and dance around the topic but never moves towards helping me get the account in order. i recently gave her a time line and she replied with is a terse and passive aggressive ‘okay.’ iwbta if i stopped paying for the account and left my siblings to the devices of my mother who i don’t have much faith in to maintain the account. wibta if i stopped paying the phone bill in favor of paying for just my device? edit it was an ‘ok’ not ‘okay’	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my grandmother passed away this year and it was a difficult time for our family. she placed three grandchildren (myself included) onto her phone plan and she paid for our service. she was the account holder of the account and since her passing i’ve paid about $1,500.00 in total to keep the lines active and ensure that myself and my siblings have service. i was the only one that went with my grandmother when she went to deal with the account so i have some information on the account that allowed me to pay the bill. my mother is not the best and each month makes promises to situate the phone company but then asks me to pay the phone bill when it’s due. whenever i ask her if she can pay it she gives me a huff and says she doesn’t have access to the account/ it’s difficult to access (which is a lie because she has my grandmother’s phone and can access the account from it.) this puts a strain on my limited finances (work retail reduced hours) and i’ve had to dip into my savings. i did some digging and found a way to save money while keeping our service and i’ve explained it to her numerous times. she does a song and dance around the topic but never moves towards helping me get the account in order. i recently gave her a time line and she replied with is a terse and passive aggressive ‘okay.’ iwbta if i stopped paying for the account and left my siblings to the devices of my mother who i don’t have much faith in to maintain the account. wibta if i stopped paying the phone bill in favor of paying for just my device? edit it was an ‘ok’ not ‘okay’ [/INST] info: why are your siblings not giving money toward their own phone lines? </s>
AITA for telling my wife that our dog had run away three years ago and I had replaced it with a look-alike?	my wife and i were watching a movie earlier during which the protagonists had an emotional catharsis after getting things off their chest. my wife turned and asked me if i had any confessions to make so that we could grow closer. i said, "yes, 3 years ago our dog ran away and i bought a dog that looked identical to him so that you would never know." i was joking, of course, but when i revealed this to my wife she didn't see the humor in it. in fact, she's not 100% certain it was a joke. i am writing this from the guest room where i will be sleeping for the foreseeable future.	9,431	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lvvgvt/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_our_dog_had_run/	2021-03-02 06:14:29	nah. it was a funny joke, and an even funnier punishment for telling it. keep thinking up those dog jokes while you're in the dog house.	nta was the joke inappropriate and possibly concerning? yes was it funny? yes are you sleeping in the guest room tonight? yes (thank you, kind stranger, for the silver medal!)	yta. contents of the joke aside, she asked you that question, presumably in a serious tone or intentions of being serious. you made a joke of it and she's uncertain because, it was a serious request. was it funny? maybe, but she was asking for a relatively serious thing, and you made light of it.	this is the funniest thing i’ve read on here tonight.	yta because she seems to have wanted a genuine open conversation in order to feel emotionally intimate with you and your response was to make a joke. it’s irrelevant if the joke was funny or not, since humor is very subjective, but it was badly timed. and also, it’s something that could be hard to verify and now op:s wife might have growing doubts about other aspects of their life.	lol. enjoy the couch my dude, totally worth it tho ima steal that one.	info: did you think she would believe it when you said it? what length of time was there between the initial statement and the reveal? in my mind there's a difference between a 'joke' which is actually a plausible lie you intend the hearer to believe (e.g. i cheated on you) versus one you think they won't believe (e.g. i have superpowers).	nta. it's a funny joke and too ridiculous to be true anyway (i mean, dogs have personalities, get attached to people, etc, it's not as easy as with a goldfish)	this belongs in r/tifu	yta. just because you mean something as a joke doesn't make it okay. the point of a joke is to make a person laugh; if you upset them you did it wrong.	NAH	NTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	INFO	NTA	null	YTA	0.744182	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i were watching a movie earlier during which the protagonists had an emotional catharsis after getting things off their chest. my wife turned and asked me if i had any confessions to make so that we could grow closer. i said, "yes, 3 years ago our dog ran away and i bought a dog that looked identical to him so that you would never know." i was joking, of course, but when i revealed this to my wife she didn't see the humor in it. in fact, she's not 100% certain it was a joke. i am writing this from the guest room where i will be sleeping for the foreseeable future.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i were watching a movie earlier during which the protagonists had an emotional catharsis after getting things off their chest. my wife turned and asked me if i had any confessions to make so that we could grow closer. i said, "yes, 3 years ago our dog ran away and i bought a dog that looked identical to him so that you would never know." i was joking, of course, but when i revealed this to my wife she didn't see the humor in it. in fact, she's not 100% certain it was a joke. i am writing this from the guest room where i will be sleeping for the foreseeable future. [/INST] nah. it was a funny joke, and an even funnier punishment for telling it. keep thinking up those dog jokes while you're in the dog house. </s>
AITA for not wanting a relationship with my stepmom and step sister after my dad died?	my parents got a divorce when i was 6 and i haven't seen my mom since cause she was abusive, my dad remarried when i was 8. my step mom wasn't abusive but we never clicked, she tried to be my "new mom" right off the bat and i found it weird and she didn't like how i wasn't open to the idea right away. she also had a daughter who's 1 year younger than me, we didn't hit it off either. don't get me wrong she's a totally fine person but as kids she was the typical brat so i guess it made it hard for us to really bond as kids i guess. once i hit my teens i had a rough patch of being rebellious and overall not a good person, my dad gave me space like i needed but my step mom didn't see it that way and we fought a lot cause of it. my step sister was alright during teen years she got the more quiet and keep to yourself so we didn't have really any conflict. but me and my step mom didn't hit it off and once i turned 18 i moved out first chance i got. i am now 24 and my dad sadly passed away with cancer, tho i didn't get along with my step mom i never stopped loving my dad and we texted daily when i moved out. it was rough on me and i do appreciate my step mom helping me with the funeral but that was a couple months ago and i haven't really talked to her since. my step sister has invited me over for christmas, and honestly i don't know if i want to go. not cause i don't like them but because its the same house that we grew up in and it will remind me too much of my dad and i'm still grieving. i know my step sister and step mom are too but fuck it sucks cause idk i just want to be left alone for some time to process cause it was only 3 months ago. aita if i don't show up to christmas day at my step mom's place? ignore title asked wrong question	2,248	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eb1jzh/aita_for_not_wanting_a_relationship_with_my/	2019-12-15 17:17:00	nah. it was nice of them to include you but you by all means don’t have to accept their offer. i’m sorry for your loss. if you need an excuse and want to potentially keep the door open in case you change your mind in the future, you can say you’re still grieving and would rather be alone.	nah i can't tell you who to consider your family, but keep in mind that these people (presumably) cared for you and supported you as a member of their family. you don't have to "hit it off to be family", you just have to be there for each-other when in need.	nah. they want to keep in touch because they think of you as family. you don't see them as such, and that's not really your fault.	yta. this is how i'm seeing it. this woman raised you like a son, you don't think of her as you legit mother and that is fine, but she effectively raised you. this girl grew up with you as her brother, again you may not see it the same way but that seems to be how it is. so now you've all lost a father/husband, and you want them to now lose a son/brother. i get it, you're grieving but so are they and it doesn't seem like you're processing it very well if your response to that is to essentially abandon your family. you don't have to have a relationship with anyone, even family. but just dropping them like this is so dickish and makes you ta.	mate, youre not the asshole here. but playing future devil advocate: life gets lonelier and lonelier as we age. bitter memories turn bittersweet, and the only thing desired to be had is love - family and friends. you are under no obligation to do anything, and not the asshole for doing nothing. but you are being presented an opportunity, and it may be foolish to squander it. if you're just not ready, but want to leave a bridge open: politely decline, and be honest that you just arent ready for such an event with them yet. ill assure you, your stepmom and you may not have connected, but i bet she sure tried to connect to the best of her ability. sounds like she has honest love for you, even if the both of you have difficulty seeing it.	nah. they clearly want you to still be a part of the family. you don’t. if you’re determined to close the door forever, be upfront and tell your step sister.	nah. it’s understandable that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life trying to force a relationship with people you don’t really have a deep connection with. but i do think it’s lovely that they helped you with the funeral arrangements and invited you for christmas, even though they weren’t obligated to, so clearly they’re not bad people. perhaps just keep them on your christmas/birthday card list and check in every now and then?	a light yta i initially said n a h, but going back to change it. ultimately, i think you are harming both yourself and your family (and yes, i do believe they meet the definition of family, since you were living with them since you were 8). you have the right to spend time or not spend time with whoever you want. but here are two people who clearly love you and want to have a relationship with you, and you are pushing them away and hurting them for no real reason. i do think you are going to regret it, or at least be worse off in the long run, than if you allow them into your heart. have you considered seeking counseling over your father's death and your life post-death? i think it may be helpful. for what it's worth, i have cut people out of my life before and i have regretted every single one. even if i only regretted it years later. even if they totally deserved being cut off. in this case, i don't see a clear reason to cut them off, beyond the fact that you are hurting. even fighting with your stepmom is a reasonable thing to happen in a family when the kid is being "rebellious and not a good person". frankly, it shows she cares, and you have made it clear multiple times in your post how much she clearly cares about you. recap: it's 100% your right to cut off whoever you want. but i do think it makes you ta, and i do think you are just harming yourself and unfortunately also harming others. i think you should discuss your feelings with a counselor	null	null	NAH	NAH	NAH	YTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	YTA	null	null	0.464974	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents got a divorce when i was 6 and i haven't seen my mom since cause she was abusive, my dad remarried when i was 8. my step mom wasn't abusive but we never clicked, she tried to be my "new mom" right off the bat and i found it weird and she didn't like how i wasn't open to the idea right away. she also had a daughter who's 1 year younger than me, we didn't hit it off either. don't get me wrong she's a totally fine person but as kids she was the typical brat so i guess it made it hard for us to really bond as kids i guess. once i hit my teens i had a rough patch of being rebellious and overall not a good person, my dad gave me space like i needed but my step mom didn't see it that way and we fought a lot cause of it. my step sister was alright during teen years she got the more quiet and keep to yourself so we didn't have really any conflict. but me and my step mom didn't hit it off and once i turned 18 i moved out first chance i got. i am now 24 and my dad sadly passed away with cancer, tho i didn't get along with my step mom i never stopped loving my dad and we texted daily when i moved out. it was rough on me and i do appreciate my step mom helping me with the funeral but that was a couple months ago and i haven't really talked to her since. my step sister has invited me over for christmas, and honestly i don't know if i want to go. not cause i don't like them but because its the same house that we grew up in and it will remind me too much of my dad and i'm still grieving. i know my step sister and step mom are too but fuck it sucks cause idk i just want to be left alone for some time to process cause it was only 3 months ago. aita if i don't show up to christmas day at my step mom's place? ignore title asked wrong question	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my parents got a divorce when i was 6 and i haven't seen my mom since cause she was abusive, my dad remarried when i was 8. my step mom wasn't abusive but we never clicked, she tried to be my "new mom" right off the bat and i found it weird and she didn't like how i wasn't open to the idea right away. she also had a daughter who's 1 year younger than me, we didn't hit it off either. don't get me wrong she's a totally fine person but as kids she was the typical brat so i guess it made it hard for us to really bond as kids i guess. once i hit my teens i had a rough patch of being rebellious and overall not a good person, my dad gave me space like i needed but my step mom didn't see it that way and we fought a lot cause of it. my step sister was alright during teen years she got the more quiet and keep to yourself so we didn't have really any conflict. but me and my step mom didn't hit it off and once i turned 18 i moved out first chance i got. i am now 24 and my dad sadly passed away with cancer, tho i didn't get along with my step mom i never stopped loving my dad and we texted daily when i moved out. it was rough on me and i do appreciate my step mom helping me with the funeral but that was a couple months ago and i haven't really talked to her since. my step sister has invited me over for christmas, and honestly i don't know if i want to go. not cause i don't like them but because its the same house that we grew up in and it will remind me too much of my dad and i'm still grieving. i know my step sister and step mom are too but fuck it sucks cause idk i just want to be left alone for some time to process cause it was only 3 months ago. aita if i don't show up to christmas day at my step mom's place? ignore title asked wrong question [/INST] nah. it was nice of them to include you but you by all means don’t have to accept their offer. i’m sorry for your loss. if you need an excuse and want to potentially keep the door open in case you change your mind in the future, you can say you’re still grieving and would rather be alone. </s>
AITA for leaving my photographer a bad review for posting my pregnancy announcement photos online before we announced our pregnancy?	last night our pregnancy announcement photographer posted our pregnancy announcement photos onto her facebook and instagram portfolios. i found out because one of my friends tagged me on a comment all excited that we were pregnant. i called and completely freaked out on the photographer. she was apologetic and took the photos down before she totally blew the news to everyone, but i'm still pretty livid. we never signed any kind of contract with her, and she never indicated that she would use the photos on her page. aita if i leave a bad review on her facebook page? she's newer to the business, but i feel that a photographer should know better than to post something like this before checking to make sure the parents have announced the news themselves.	4,908	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ev5zcm/aita_for_leaving_my_photographer_a_bad_review_for/	2020-01-28 14:03:27	nah she made a terrible mistake and should have cleared it with you first. she owned up to it and immediately corrected her actions as much as she could. understandably you have the right to be upset also it just doesn’t seem to rise to the level of warranting a business-hurting review. if anything i would likely still use that person in the future. everyone makes mistakes in every business and that’s inevitable. i would rather do business with a person that has already gone through the full range of mistakes possible, rather than deal with the person that still needs to make them (with the assumption that they corrected their mistakes professionally).	definitely nta. it’s entirely unprofessional to share images without explicitly asking permission. would anyone seriously be saying yta if these were boudoir pictures op had commissioned for her husband that were posted without permission on facebook? or portraits of her children who were under a protection order from an abusive relative? seriously, when did it become normal to post commissioned work without the courtesy of asking permission? i’d leave a bad review too if only to warn others that their privacy may be compromised by using this photographer.	info - did you tell them it was a pregnancy announcement and when you were planning to announce?	nta with a caveat. as an artist/photographer/designer/whatever you always have to make sure to clear when to publish your work. for a pregnancy announcement, it's a big duh to ask when you'll announce it so she can hold off, or simply wait a few months. yes she's new, but you also can't start working and charging professionally if you are going to fumble around. clients aren't experiments, unless you specifically warn the client that they are new and may mess up and therefore will charge you a lot less, then it's okay. however, i'm fuzzy on how the actual laws are phrased and it also depends on the country, but in general though, artists retain copyrights to their materials. someone else said in a comment that a painter doesn't get to just steal and display a painting they sold. that's not how it works. yes a painting is commissioned to be one of a kind and you can request in a contract that the painter doesn't further profit from it (by selling prints of it, for example), but you can't demand they don't showcase it in their portfolio. in my case, as a designer, if i'm working on something for a client i have to wait for them to publish it first, and if they cancel the launch (with packaging of a product they cancel before launching, for example), then i don't publish unless i've gotten explicit permission. *other than that, i'm free to publish all my work, it's just a matter of clearing when.*	esh. this is the purpose of contracts and release forms. sign some next time. she shouldn't have posted them without your consent, but leaving a bad review because of something she corrected and can learn from isn't helpful to her or her future clients. it just makes you feel better which seems petty to me.	nta, leave the review as factual and as emotionless as possible. that fact is strong enough on its own. the only thing i've ever heard that's worse was when a friend's fertility doctor told the friend's mother before the friend that the procedure failed.	yes yta. you’re going to ruin a new photographer’s (who you probably booked because they were cheap) business because of a misunderstanding like this? you brought up the contract as if to say “since there wasn’t one they had no right to use the photos” .. um no. what you needed was a contract that stated the photographer can’t use the photos until a certain date or at all. without an nda or whatever, they are literally just photos on the photographer’s camera. if anyone has ownership at this point it’s the photographer and they often show off their own work ... because they’re a photographer. op it is wildly out of line to write a bad review, especially since it sounds like the photographer did everything to accommodate you once you brought it up.	info - did you explicitly ask your photographer not to post the photos?	nah. you freaked out because you were upset. she made a mistake (arguably) because of the lack of clarity both ways. you mention below that she waited two weeks! it's an honest mistake. can't you just write an honest, 3 star review explaining that the pictures were good (if they were) but the lack of professionalism (no contracts) led to an error which upset you?	[removed]	NAH	NTA	INFO	NTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	INFO	NAH	null	0.350143	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night our pregnancy announcement photographer posted our pregnancy announcement photos onto her facebook and instagram portfolios. i found out because one of my friends tagged me on a comment all excited that we were pregnant. i called and completely freaked out on the photographer. she was apologetic and took the photos down before she totally blew the news to everyone, but i'm still pretty livid. we never signed any kind of contract with her, and she never indicated that she would use the photos on her page. aita if i leave a bad review on her facebook page? she's newer to the business, but i feel that a photographer should know better than to post something like this before checking to make sure the parents have announced the news themselves.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> last night our pregnancy announcement photographer posted our pregnancy announcement photos onto her facebook and instagram portfolios. i found out because one of my friends tagged me on a comment all excited that we were pregnant. i called and completely freaked out on the photographer. she was apologetic and took the photos down before she totally blew the news to everyone, but i'm still pretty livid. we never signed any kind of contract with her, and she never indicated that she would use the photos on her page. aita if i leave a bad review on her facebook page? she's newer to the business, but i feel that a photographer should know better than to post something like this before checking to make sure the parents have announced the news themselves. [/INST] nah she made a terrible mistake and should have cleared it with you first. she owned up to it and immediately corrected her actions as much as she could. understandably you have the right to be upset also it just doesn’t seem to rise to the level of warranting a business-hurting review. if anything i would likely still use that person in the future. everyone makes mistakes in every business and that’s inevitable. i would rather do business with a person that has already gone through the full range of mistakes possible, rather than deal with the person that still needs to make them (with the assumption that they corrected their mistakes professionally). </s>
AITA for telling my daughter the truth about why I wasn’t in her life?	to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here.	29,642	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ln04z1/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_truth_about_why/	2021-02-18 23:09:36	nta! your ex lied, your ex created this mess. i’m sorry she has passed, but she did this. you have no obligation to continue a lie you had no part of. your daughter deserved the truth.	you said "fast forward 19 yrs later"? so your daughter is 19 now. she's an adult and deserves to know the truth. you should not be expected to make yourself out to be a deadbeat dad just to avoid tainting the memory of her mother. nta.	nta. the people who lied to her for her entire life are to blame for her being upset at the lies. you are not obligated to take the heat for the lies of others. i do hope you are planning on staying in her life now, it would be shitty to drop that info and disappear, but if you stick around she deserves to know the truth so that your newly-found connection isn't built on a lie from the start.	nta. how terrible for both you and your daughter. you didn't ruin the image of her mom, you told her the truth. her mom decided not to abort her and must have loved her immensely. as for the whole family cover up, she has ever right to be mad. she missed out on 19 years with you because of it. i have to ask though, is there a reason why mom didn't want you in the daughter's life then? was it a bad breakup? it seems like something is missing here.	nta- not to speak ill of the dead, but kara's mother did this to herself. it was unfair to both you and kara to keep you apart for all these years, and doubly unfair to expect you to maintain a lie. will it be painful for kara to process this, and reconcile the truth with her own image of her mother/family? absolutely. however, the truth is the truth. i hope you and kara continue to build a strong bond!	nta. your ex robbed you and kara of 19 years of relationship together. that is a lot to rebuild. to also have kara believe you left is asking too much. you can't build a solid foundation on a lie. you can now discuss with kara, how her mom thought she was doing the best, even if you both disagree. and that her family followed her mom, and there's no need to punish them. they could have lied again and tell her "we didn't really know the guy", instead of letting you know so you both can establish a relationship. i wish you the very best; you have lots to catch up.	nta. did ‘rob’ ever call his sister a selfish dick for keeping her child from her father and vice versa ?!?	nta. kara will have to reconcile what she now knows with how she feels about her mother, likely with the help of a therapist, but she deserves to know the truth. her entire life has had a massive lie at the heart of it up until this point; imagine trying to keep up that lie while building a relationship with your daughter. that would be unforgivable, imo, and for what? her mother’s family need to face up to what your ex did, and the part they’ve played in it for the past 19 years. and they can start by acknowledging that you are not the bad guy here.	nta. so... someone lied to you and your daughter denying you a relationship that should've existed her entire life and they're blaming you for the fallout that occurs because you clarified it? no. rob does not get to call you anything. her grandparents also. you are her father and they cut you out of her life for 19 years. they can take the fallout for that.	nta she deserved to know , it’s her life not theirs	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here. [/INST] nta! your ex lied, your ex created this mess. i’m sorry she has passed, but she did this. you have no obligation to continue a lie you had no part of. your daughter deserved the truth. </s>
AITA for not letting my husband lock our bedroom door to stop our son from sneaking into our room at night?	our son is 4 and recently he’s been sneaking into our room in the middle of the night and climbing into bed with us. my husband thinks we should be making sure he’s sleeping in his own bed but i think it’s not that big of a deal because he’s only doing it because he’s been having nightmares and is scared. my husband wants to lock our door at night to try to stop it but i’ve refused to let him because i think it’s a horrible idea and will only cause our son more distress. he thinks our son will just go back to his own room when he can’t get into ours and is upset i won’t even give it a try. i told him he should sleep in a different room if he had an issue with our son sleeping with us during an argument over this and now he’s mad at me. aita?	1,045	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ynebmb/aita_for_not_letting_my_husband_lock_our_bedroom/	2022-11-06 02:32:39	info are you providing comfort, then redirecting your son back to his own bed when he comes in or just letting him in to sleep in bed with you and your husband?	esh. locking a scared 4 year old out of your bedroom is a recipe for disaster and setting him up to never trust you. but he is too old to be sleeping in your bed when one parent is unhappy with it. you are coddling him and neglecting your husbands boundaries for a child that actually needs to learn to sleep by himself. the issue isn't him climbing into your bed, it's you letting him stay there all night. you need to be comforting him then sending him to his own bed. give him some cuddles, then pick him up, take him to his bed, tuck him in, give him a kiss and hug, assure him he's safe, tell him if he needs you he can come to you, make sure he knows that his bed is his safe place, then go back to your own bed. if he's really worked up then sit with him until he's calmed down at his bed. try to figure out what's causing the nightmares. try night lights, soft toys, just comfort items. but him staying in your bed should not be the norm if the other parent is unhappy with it. don't lock him out, but don't let him run your relationship either.	[removed]	okay my sil was like you and her kid is now 8 and can only sleep with them. your husband has a point.	nah. your husband has a valid point about your son sleeping in his own room. you both need to get restful sleep without being woken. i also get wanting to comfort your son with nightmares, but should also have him return to his own bed.	nta locking a child out of a room when the child is scared and seeking you guys out is absolutely ridiculous. when my ex wife and i were together and our daughter was around that age, if she came crying to us, i'd take her back to her room and comfort her and get her back to bed. i would lay on the floor next to her bed so if she woke up again, she knew daddy was right there for her. granted, she's my firstborn and had me wrapped around her finger since the instant she was born, but still. 😁😁	nta!!!! i have memories of having nightmares and my mom yelling at me to get out. i was so horrified, but i waited, trembling and crying until i could tell she'd fallen asleep, and curled myself up in the corner just to be near her, and feel a little safer. i was older than your son was at the time, but i still remember how it felt to be pushed away when i was already so scared.	nta. 4 year olds waking up with nightmares is pretty common. he's scared, he's dark, and he wants to be with you. he's four years old. this is normal. he won't still be crawling in to your bed in high school.	nah. let the kid come in and comfort him but then take him back to his room and stay until he falls asleep again. sleeping with you guys is not a long term solution.	i can see a four year old trying to go into a locked room and thinking he's alone, and then going outside to look for his parents. it's also weird to me how married people are so obsessed with sleeping with each other but then leaving children to sleep on their own.	INFO	ESH	null	null	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	0.133631	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our son is 4 and recently he’s been sneaking into our room in the middle of the night and climbing into bed with us. my husband thinks we should be making sure he’s sleeping in his own bed but i think it’s not that big of a deal because he’s only doing it because he’s been having nightmares and is scared. my husband wants to lock our door at night to try to stop it but i’ve refused to let him because i think it’s a horrible idea and will only cause our son more distress. he thinks our son will just go back to his own room when he can’t get into ours and is upset i won’t even give it a try. i told him he should sleep in a different room if he had an issue with our son sleeping with us during an argument over this and now he’s mad at me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> our son is 4 and recently he’s been sneaking into our room in the middle of the night and climbing into bed with us. my husband thinks we should be making sure he’s sleeping in his own bed but i think it’s not that big of a deal because he’s only doing it because he’s been having nightmares and is scared. my husband wants to lock our door at night to try to stop it but i’ve refused to let him because i think it’s a horrible idea and will only cause our son more distress. he thinks our son will just go back to his own room when he can’t get into ours and is upset i won’t even give it a try. i told him he should sleep in a different room if he had an issue with our son sleeping with us during an argument over this and now he’s mad at me. aita? [/INST] info are you providing comfort, then redirecting your son back to his own bed when he comes in or just letting him in to sleep in bed with you and your husband? </s>

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