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AITA for not telling my bio-mom that I lived a horrible life because she gave me up for adoption?
|
so, when i (18) was two my mom (37) gave me up for adoption. my adoptive mom loved me but i was five when she died so i don't really remember her. my dad remarried and my stepmom and her kids didn't like me and when they had kids, i just didn't belong. dad would ignored me, my siblings bullied me, my brother who liked me died and school was worse than home. since i got into university i've been working my ass off cause of student loans cause dad said he wasn't going to pay for me. when i left in september the only call i've got from him was him telling me not to come back for winter cause they got bed bugs and so they were going to florida. when i visited for a week, he was happy and then disappointed after i stayed longer than a day.
in january my bio-mom found me cause her daughter died. turns out she lived a great life after giving me up. she got a phd, she's rich, has a big home and the perfect family till last year. i was so angry at first like she only found me to replace her kid but she got past all my tantrums, anger and hate for her cause she wanted know me. she's an amazing person and her husband is like the dad i wish i had. when she hugs me it makes me feel alive and i didn't know hugs could make you feel that. in the months i've known her i've gone from saying evelyn to mama (cause mom will always be for the woman who adopted me).
but she's thinks my life has been good. maybe it's cause i don't ask her for anything, refuse all her gifts and sometimes she makes remarks like 'what kept me going was knowing you were happy' and she wants to meet my dad and stepmom and siblings. yesterday we went to starbucks and i saw this couple i knew from high school that were part of what made my life hell and i just couldn't deal like my mind went blank. i ran out leaving my mom there and went to my apartment to cry and booked an emergency session with my therapist. my mom was confused why i did that and kept texting me and calling me. i told her i was fine i don't think she believed me.
i talked to my boyfriend and best friend about it last night and she told me i was kind of an asshole for not having told my mom everything yet. my boyfriend agreed with her. i don't feel like i am i mean she didn't need to find me and telling her would only make her feel guilty.
| 3,899
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulvu5t/aita_for_not_telling_my_biomom_that_i_lived_a/
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2022-05-09 17:00:13
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nah you didn’t have a horrible life because of her. you did because your adoptive dad is awful. don’t blame your biological mom for his faults.
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nta. perhaps you and your therapist can tell your mom about your life together.
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nah - but it might do you some good to open up about your life with your adopted family. and don't worry about making her feel guilty; you're not in control of other people's feelings, you can only deal with yours.
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wow what an amazing opportunity you have to start a new beginning with you bio family. grasp the opportunity with both hands and lay all your cards on the table about how tough your life has been. yes it may be hard for your mamma but she needs to know your honest opinions before you can really build a future. you also don’t know her reasons or circumstances at the time for giving you up. as a mom myself i can imagine she must have thought there was no other option but to find you and she probably waited this long or was triggered by her other child’s death because she probably held guilt everyday of her life. but also look it’s made you into the strong independent person you are now. fully grasp the opportunity to start fresh and honest.
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nta-full stop dearie. breathe. now, your bio-mom may not want to hear your life wasn’t all rainbows and sugar plums, but you need to tell her the truth because it’s not about making anyone feel bad. it’s about you being honest and taking this unnecessary weight off your shoulders. whether you realize it or not, you carry a weight that puts you in the mind of being unimportant or not as important as others and that is not true. you are just as important, just was worthy, just as special regardless of your past. you deserve the hugs, the gifts, the time, and all the good things. do not be hesitant to show your bio-mom your life and what you’ve endured. it’s made you stronger. you’re putting yourself through school and you’re making waves to position yourself for a better life. you’ve got this!
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nah, but if you plan on actually having a relationship with her you're going to have to tell her eventually.
you're not going to have any kind of healthy adult relationship with the woman if you're constantly building it on a foundation of lies.
but remember, you had a good life thanks to her until your adoptive mother died. its not her fault that happened, or anything that happened after that.
she gave you up because she thought you would have a better life that way. that she was wrong isn't her fault.
|
nah, at least as far as you and bio-mom are concerned. you're not an asshole: you grew up in a family of people who couldn't care less about your well-being. of course you don't know what to do with a relative who isn't that, or whether you can trust her not to turn on you, too. keep working with your therapist, and open up at your own pace.
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your biological mother probably put you up for adoption because she wasn't in a position to care for you well. it is not her fault that your adoptive mother died or your adoptive father ended up being an a h. sounds as if she got her life together, got an education, and made a good life for herself. she should be commended on that. guessing she did not come looking for you as you were a child and she expected that you were being cared for. i doubt she came looking for you cuz her other daughter died but more likely cuz you're now 18 and no longer a minor child. you have shown her grace by working through your emotions and building a relationship with her. i do think you should tell her the truth about your family life growing up but state the facts instead of blaming her.
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nta. you are entitled to keep your personal traumas to yourself for as long as you need to in order to get to a place where you're ready to disclose them to her. eventually you should tell her that the last 13 years were traumatic. you don't need to pretend to be okay when you're not. and it does not sound like your adoptive father would be able to keep up the happy family facade for your biological mother.
i want to also throw caution up... she is in a vulnerable place too and you are still traumatized from childhood. i hope your therapist is watching out for signs that she is pressuring you to live up to the expectations she had for the daughter she lost and that your need for acceptance and love won't cause you to fall into the role of her lost daughter. you are a worthy, valuable person who deserves to be loved as your whole self. i am sorry you lost a sister you didn't know and i do hope that through good boundaries and mutual respect, you and your biological mother can heal together and bond for decades of happy family life.
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nah. she had her reasons.. and she’s assumed you were happy, and i get that you don’t want to crush that, but you should be honest about your upbringing. do you blame her? if you do.. work on that with your therapist. talk to your therapist about inviting her to a session to navigate talking to her about it. tell her how her hugs make you feel now. there is no reason you can’t work on building the relationship you wish you had growing up.
|
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| 0.023639
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, when i (18) was two my mom (37) gave me up for adoption. my adoptive mom loved me but i was five when she died so i don't really remember her. my dad remarried and my stepmom and her kids didn't like me and when they had kids, i just didn't belong. dad would ignored me, my siblings bullied me, my brother who liked me died and school was worse than home. since i got into university i've been working my ass off cause of student loans cause dad said he wasn't going to pay for me. when i left in september the only call i've got from him was him telling me not to come back for winter cause they got bed bugs and so they were going to florida. when i visited for a week, he was happy and then disappointed after i stayed longer than a day. in january my bio-mom found me cause her daughter died. turns out she lived a great life after giving me up. she got a phd, she's rich, has a big home and the perfect family till last year. i was so angry at first like she only found me to replace her kid but she got past all my tantrums, anger and hate for her cause she wanted know me. she's an amazing person and her husband is like the dad i wish i had. when she hugs me it makes me feel alive and i didn't know hugs could make you feel that. in the months i've known her i've gone from saying evelyn to mama (cause mom will always be for the woman who adopted me). but she's thinks my life has been good. maybe it's cause i don't ask her for anything, refuse all her gifts and sometimes she makes remarks like 'what kept me going was knowing you were happy' and she wants to meet my dad and stepmom and siblings. yesterday we went to starbucks and i saw this couple i knew from high school that were part of what made my life hell and i just couldn't deal like my mind went blank. i ran out leaving my mom there and went to my apartment to cry and booked an emergency session with my therapist. my mom was confused why i did that and kept texting me and calling me. i told her i was fine i don't think she believed me. i talked to my boyfriend and best friend about it last night and she told me i was kind of an asshole for not having told my mom everything yet. my boyfriend agreed with her. i don't feel like i am i mean she didn't need to find me and telling her would only make her feel guilty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, when i (18) was two my mom (37) gave me up for adoption. my adoptive mom loved me but i was five when she died so i don't really remember her. my dad remarried and my stepmom and her kids didn't like me and when they had kids, i just didn't belong. dad would ignored me, my siblings bullied me, my brother who liked me died and school was worse than home. since i got into university i've been working my ass off cause of student loans cause dad said he wasn't going to pay for me. when i left in september the only call i've got from him was him telling me not to come back for winter cause they got bed bugs and so they were going to florida. when i visited for a week, he was happy and then disappointed after i stayed longer than a day. in january my bio-mom found me cause her daughter died. turns out she lived a great life after giving me up. she got a phd, she's rich, has a big home and the perfect family till last year. i was so angry at first like she only found me to replace her kid but she got past all my tantrums, anger and hate for her cause she wanted know me. she's an amazing person and her husband is like the dad i wish i had. when she hugs me it makes me feel alive and i didn't know hugs could make you feel that. in the months i've known her i've gone from saying evelyn to mama (cause mom will always be for the woman who adopted me). but she's thinks my life has been good. maybe it's cause i don't ask her for anything, refuse all her gifts and sometimes she makes remarks like 'what kept me going was knowing you were happy' and she wants to meet my dad and stepmom and siblings. yesterday we went to starbucks and i saw this couple i knew from high school that were part of what made my life hell and i just couldn't deal like my mind went blank. i ran out leaving my mom there and went to my apartment to cry and booked an emergency session with my therapist. my mom was confused why i did that and kept texting me and calling me. i told her i was fine i don't think she believed me. i talked to my boyfriend and best friend about it last night and she told me i was kind of an asshole for not having told my mom everything yet. my boyfriend agreed with her. i don't feel like i am i mean she didn't need to find me and telling her would only make her feel guilty. [/INST] nah you didn’t have a horrible life because of her. you did because your adoptive dad is awful. don’t blame your biological mom for his faults. </s>
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AITA for ordering a triple bunk bed for my step kids?
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using a throwaway, sorry.
so some context. i (42f) recently got married to my husband (46m) around six months ago. we’ve been seeing each other for 3 years now, and his previous wife passed a few months before we got together. i try not to bring it up. he brought their 3 kids (11m, 9m and 15f) into the marriage and i brought my 1 (13) daughter.
his kids don’t really seem to like me but i try to get along with them as much as possible. they seemingly exclude my daughter from everything, though my husband treats her like his own, but is so lenient when it comes to punishing them for bothering her. they tease her, steal her belongings, throw her things away and are just overall mean and rude.
we recently moved into a three bedroom (less than a week ago) and had plans to split the boys and girls into separate rooms. my daughter has been expressing to me how much she doesn’t want to share a room with her stepsister in fear of being taunted and hurt furthermore. since the bullying has gotten so horrid and bad within the past couple of months i’ve decided on ordering a triple bunk bed stuffing my husbands kids into the one bedroom. its decently sized, i made sure they all can live in the room together.
they however hate the idea and so does my husband. but i’ve already taken the money out of our joint account to buy this bed. my husbands daughter has called me an asshole and bitch and stolen my daughters phone charger after we told her the plan. my husband has told me i’ve crossed a line and i am pushing my stepchildren away. i told him i’m just doing what’s best for my daughter.
so reddit, am i the asshole?
| 3,353
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fh7sb2/aita_for_ordering_a_triple_bunk_bed_for_my_step/
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2020-03-12 00:49:11
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esh except your daughter.
your husband's biological kids suck for bullying your biological kid, your husband sucks for not doing more to prevent the bullying, and you suck for spending a large amount of money and making a huge decision that majorly impacts your family without properly consulting your husband about it.
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esh. the kids for being nasty to each other, you for stuffing a 15 year old girl in with two little boys which is inappropriate regardless of what anyone else thinks, your husband for not working with his own kids on behavior and boundaries. i feel bad for your daughter. shes the only one here who isnt doing anything wrong.
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esh. the actual problem isn’t being addressed - your husband should be having a conversation with his kids. shoving everyone into one room with you daughter on her own, will just hurt her in the long run - resentment will build. the triple bunk bed isn’t even a bandaid solution. the real problem needs to be addressed.
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yta. you got together with these children’s father while their grief for their mother was still fresh. you have not demonstrated even an ounce of compassion or empathy for them— the fact that you react to their misbehavior in such an inappropriately punitive manner tells me all i need to know about the tone you’ve set for your relationship from the beginning.
yes, your husband should be stepping up more to protect your daughter. i’m very sorry that those kids are taking their resentment of you out on her. she doesn’t deserve that. but they’re still kids who have experienced tremendous loss and transition, which you don’t acknowledge *at all*. they have had absolutely no choice or agency in the forces that have shaped their lives— it should be obvious that they are trying to exercise some semblance of control with their behavior.
get them into individual and all of you into family therapy and stop taking this so personally. you made your choices— they didn’t have any. now be an adult and deal with the children whose family you decided to join responsibly.
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‘i plan on *stuffing* my husband’s kids into one room and giving my daughter her own’.
gee idk, you have a brain and i assume you can read so you tell us- does that sound like an asshole thing to do? this is not how you deal with rivalry and fighting amongst siblings, this is how you stoop to the level of a petty high schooler and possibly find yourself divorced.
and really, if you’re concerned about your daughter being ‘bullied’ and ‘hurt’, why do you have her in that environment still? how is ‘stuffing’ his kids in one room, one being the oldest kid in the house, going to address that? careful, you’re walking a very thin line here.
yta
|
yta
for allowing them to treat your daughter this way and allowing her to feel unsafe in her own home.
if your husband gaf about your daughter, he would be putting a stop to the behavior.
why are you with someone that doesn’t gaf that your daughter feels bullied and unsafe in her own home?
for me, the answer would be for me and my daughter to live elsewhere. i would toss this fish back.
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esh. i’m sorry - you started dating this man months after the kids’ mother died? as someone whose mom died when i was young, that’s really awful and must be really hard on them, assholes or not.
shout-out to my father for not dating for a few years after mom died!!
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esh. why did you bring your daughter into this? you are supposed to protect her.
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yta. if you want to do what’s best for your daughter, *leave*. her step siblings are bullying her, her stepdad allows it, and all you can talk about is how you treat your step kids. you are not protecting your daughter and you should have known your stupid triple bunk bed idea would be shot down. you and you husband are not a team right now.
move out, get a two bedroom apartment, and give your daughter her own room that way. don’t subject her to relentless bullying in her own home.
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yta. three kids in one room, while another kid gets a room to herself? if what you're worried about is bullying, this is gonna make it even worse.
what you really need to do is have a very serious talk with your husband about holding his kids accountable.
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ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.015625
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throwaway, sorry. so some context. i (42f) recently got married to my husband (46m) around six months ago. we’ve been seeing each other for 3 years now, and his previous wife passed a few months before we got together. i try not to bring it up. he brought their 3 kids (11m, 9m and 15f) into the marriage and i brought my 1 (13) daughter. his kids don’t really seem to like me but i try to get along with them as much as possible. they seemingly exclude my daughter from everything, though my husband treats her like his own, but is so lenient when it comes to punishing them for bothering her. they tease her, steal her belongings, throw her things away and are just overall mean and rude. we recently moved into a three bedroom (less than a week ago) and had plans to split the boys and girls into separate rooms. my daughter has been expressing to me how much she doesn’t want to share a room with her stepsister in fear of being taunted and hurt furthermore. since the bullying has gotten so horrid and bad within the past couple of months i’ve decided on ordering a triple bunk bed stuffing my husbands kids into the one bedroom. its decently sized, i made sure they all can live in the room together. they however hate the idea and so does my husband. but i’ve already taken the money out of our joint account to buy this bed. my husbands daughter has called me an asshole and bitch and stolen my daughters phone charger after we told her the plan. my husband has told me i’ve crossed a line and i am pushing my stepchildren away. i told him i’m just doing what’s best for my daughter. so reddit, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway, sorry. so some context. i (42f) recently got married to my husband (46m) around six months ago. we’ve been seeing each other for 3 years now, and his previous wife passed a few months before we got together. i try not to bring it up. he brought their 3 kids (11m, 9m and 15f) into the marriage and i brought my 1 (13) daughter. his kids don’t really seem to like me but i try to get along with them as much as possible. they seemingly exclude my daughter from everything, though my husband treats her like his own, but is so lenient when it comes to punishing them for bothering her. they tease her, steal her belongings, throw her things away and are just overall mean and rude. we recently moved into a three bedroom (less than a week ago) and had plans to split the boys and girls into separate rooms. my daughter has been expressing to me how much she doesn’t want to share a room with her stepsister in fear of being taunted and hurt furthermore. since the bullying has gotten so horrid and bad within the past couple of months i’ve decided on ordering a triple bunk bed stuffing my husbands kids into the one bedroom. its decently sized, i made sure they all can live in the room together. they however hate the idea and so does my husband. but i’ve already taken the money out of our joint account to buy this bed. my husbands daughter has called me an asshole and bitch and stolen my daughters phone charger after we told her the plan. my husband has told me i’ve crossed a line and i am pushing my stepchildren away. i told him i’m just doing what’s best for my daughter. so reddit, am i the asshole? [/INST] esh except your daughter. your husband's biological kids suck for bullying your biological kid, your husband sucks for not doing more to prevent the bullying, and you suck for spending a large amount of money and making a huge decision that majorly impacts your family without properly consulting your husband about it. </s>
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AITA for refusing to sleep inside my house to make my neighbor less uncomfortable?
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i (29m) recently just bought a house a few months ago and right next door to me is this older couple around their 50’s i’d say. we don’t really interact much except for the occasional good morning. it’s been crazy hot these past couple weeks. my air conditioner is busted and i’m too lazy to go out to buy a new one. the air is cool at night but inside the house it’s still pretty hot even with the fan on. i’m not comfortable having the windows open due to recent break ins around the neighborhood. out in the backyard i have a hammock set up so one night around 11pm i’m tossing and turning trying to sleep. then i thought screw it. grabbed my pillow and went outside to sleep on my hammock. lemme say it was peaceful as hell.
2nd night the neighbors nxt door called the cops because they thought i was a homeless man. had to explain to the cops that i’m the owner of the house. the day after the husband came to me and he asked if i could not do that because it’s not really “appropriate.” i apologized if i scared them that time they called the cops but it’s pretty hot in my house and honestly i like sleeping out in the cool air.
that’s what i’ve been doing the last few days. now the wife isn’t happy because in the mornings (i’m talking like 7 am) she and her friends sit out on her yard to have coffee while they chat. now i’m not close to them but because there’s only a small gate that divides our yards they can see me from where they hangout.
she’s telling me it makes her uncomfortable me being there (totally unconscious so it’s not like i’m even listening to them) and they feel like they can’t properly converse. they’ve both asked me a few times to stop it and i already said no. it’s quiet and peaceful, get a goodnights rest and it’s *my* house. i’m not normally this kind of guy who gets mixed up in conflicts but this really irked me. her husband called me a bunch of things that overall points to them believing im an asshole for not wanting to comply. don’t know why it’s such an issue so wanted to see what others think. if i’m an asshole or not ?
| 4,133
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1myuq/aita_for_refusing_to_sleep_inside_my_house_to/
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2021-06-17 03:10:05
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info: why is having windows open and sleeping inside less safe than sleeping in the yard?
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nta. honestly jt seems that they just don’t want you to use your backyard at all when they want to use theirs. i’m sure they would ask you not to enjoy a cup of joe in your hammock in the morning as they wouldn’t be able to converse normally.
it’s your property and you’re certainly not disturbing the peace. from what you’ve written, it also doesn’t seem like you’re sleeping in your birthday suit so you’re all good.
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nta, they have no say in this. this is their issue, not yours. and rather than them dealing with it themselves they are trying to make it your problem.
tell them that their 7am coffee klatch makes you uncomfortable and ask if they can move it inside and i bet they scoff.
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nta. they just don't like their routine being messed with is all and it's so unusual that "it must be illegal". unless you're sleeping naked, i can't imagine how they feel you are in the wrong.
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nta.
if they care that much they can pay for a fence.
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nta. i definitely think what you're doing is fucking weird but it's your property and your actions are harmless. they're definitely overstepping.
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nta. sleep where you want on your property as long as you’re not naked.
but i do want to know where you live that you can sleep outside and not be eaten alive by bugs? if i tried that in nc i’d wake up with thousands of bug bites.
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nta
you're on your own property. they need to stfu and mind their own business.
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just drape a sheet in front of you, you know hanging from the tree. or find the most obnoxious screen divider and position it in front of the gate. you do you.
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as someone who just bought a house…confused. just buy a window unit. that said, nah— i get why your neighbors are concerned/weirded out, but it’s your property and you can do what you want. that said, as the new kid on the block, maybe don’t pick this as your hill to die on?
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.009259
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (29m) recently just bought a house a few months ago and right next door to me is this older couple around their 50’s i’d say. we don’t really interact much except for the occasional good morning. it’s been crazy hot these past couple weeks. my air conditioner is busted and i’m too lazy to go out to buy a new one. the air is cool at night but inside the house it’s still pretty hot even with the fan on. i’m not comfortable having the windows open due to recent break ins around the neighborhood. out in the backyard i have a hammock set up so one night around 11pm i’m tossing and turning trying to sleep. then i thought screw it. grabbed my pillow and went outside to sleep on my hammock. lemme say it was peaceful as hell. 2nd night the neighbors nxt door called the cops because they thought i was a homeless man. had to explain to the cops that i’m the owner of the house. the day after the husband came to me and he asked if i could not do that because it’s not really “appropriate.” i apologized if i scared them that time they called the cops but it’s pretty hot in my house and honestly i like sleeping out in the cool air. that’s what i’ve been doing the last few days. now the wife isn’t happy because in the mornings (i’m talking like 7 am) she and her friends sit out on her yard to have coffee while they chat. now i’m not close to them but because there’s only a small gate that divides our yards they can see me from where they hangout. she’s telling me it makes her uncomfortable me being there (totally unconscious so it’s not like i’m even listening to them) and they feel like they can’t properly converse. they’ve both asked me a few times to stop it and i already said no. it’s quiet and peaceful, get a goodnights rest and it’s *my* house. i’m not normally this kind of guy who gets mixed up in conflicts but this really irked me. her husband called me a bunch of things that overall points to them believing im an asshole for not wanting to comply. don’t know why it’s such an issue so wanted to see what others think. if i’m an asshole or not ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (29m) recently just bought a house a few months ago and right next door to me is this older couple around their 50’s i’d say. we don’t really interact much except for the occasional good morning. it’s been crazy hot these past couple weeks. my air conditioner is busted and i’m too lazy to go out to buy a new one. the air is cool at night but inside the house it’s still pretty hot even with the fan on. i’m not comfortable having the windows open due to recent break ins around the neighborhood. out in the backyard i have a hammock set up so one night around 11pm i’m tossing and turning trying to sleep. then i thought screw it. grabbed my pillow and went outside to sleep on my hammock. lemme say it was peaceful as hell. 2nd night the neighbors nxt door called the cops because they thought i was a homeless man. had to explain to the cops that i’m the owner of the house. the day after the husband came to me and he asked if i could not do that because it’s not really “appropriate.” i apologized if i scared them that time they called the cops but it’s pretty hot in my house and honestly i like sleeping out in the cool air. that’s what i’ve been doing the last few days. now the wife isn’t happy because in the mornings (i’m talking like 7 am) she and her friends sit out on her yard to have coffee while they chat. now i’m not close to them but because there’s only a small gate that divides our yards they can see me from where they hangout. she’s telling me it makes her uncomfortable me being there (totally unconscious so it’s not like i’m even listening to them) and they feel like they can’t properly converse. they’ve both asked me a few times to stop it and i already said no. it’s quiet and peaceful, get a goodnights rest and it’s *my* house. i’m not normally this kind of guy who gets mixed up in conflicts but this really irked me. her husband called me a bunch of things that overall points to them believing im an asshole for not wanting to comply. don’t know why it’s such an issue so wanted to see what others think. if i’m an asshole or not ? [/INST] info: why is having windows open and sleeping inside less safe than sleeping in the yard? </s>
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AITA for giving my son ~$15,000 when he turned 18 and moved out, but refuse to give the same amount to my daughter?
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my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year.
i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision.
the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year.
since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school.
she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school.
i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout.
she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an *educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially.
well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her *something*, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision.
she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this?
| 24,240
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c13jmx/aita_for_giving_my_son_15000_when_he_turned_18/
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2019-06-15 23:29:27
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nta. you said you'd give it to her if she went to go study. she's not going to study. you have been consistent in your behavior (in regards to giving money to your kids).
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nta, that stipend was meant for an education for your son, and she isn't going to school. why does she deserve and education stipend if she isn't working on an education?
moreover, you offered the stipend if she went back to school. so you are not being unfair
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nta based on the info. it was an education based stipend.
the real question for yourself is would you have given your son the money if he skipped college and would you have offered him a lump sum (large sums of money for young inexperienced people are usually different from monthly help)?
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nta for only wanting to give the money to help support her through college.
yta for the way you talk about her relationship. you keep saying *when* the relationship fails which is a pretty disrespectful way to phrase things. a year together before getting engaged is only slightly shorter than average.
more importantly, we get a lot of parents on this sub asking if how they're treating their kids is "fair." frankly, it doesn't matter. what matters is that you're wilfully damaging your relationship with your daughter, because you're just so sure you know more about her relationship than she does.
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nta and your reasoning is sound. you are not "refusing" to give your daughter the same amount of money you are merely not giving it to her without enforcing the same stipulations that the same amount of money was given to your son under.
it's not like you just said "here's $15k son" there was a parental reason for the charity and there was a distinct need that it was given to fulfill.
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you are not ta to want to attach the stipend to her education (nta).
however, you are definitely an ass to be so unfairly judgemental about your daughter's relationship. to assume it will end in breakup/divorce. to belittle a year together. they could end up staying by each other for the rest of their lives. aren't you going to feel like a d*ck in that event?
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info. does she have any other plans for herself that aren’t college??
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[deleted]
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nta for not giving your daughter the money. your standards for that are completely reasonable, and it’s only fair that she gets the money if and only if she goes to school.
but, yta for the way you treat your daughter overall in this situation. you aren’t actually happy for her. you don’t actually support her. you’re lying to her face and you’re being a dick. if she’s happy with her girlfriend, then be happy for her. don’t have this preconceived notion that moving back home is a matter of when, not if. “i don’t want her to think i support her decision”?!? what? why wouldn’t you? clearly she’s happy, she loves her girlfriend, and if she’s dating someone who can provide for her then i’d say she’s doing pretty damn well. who cares if they only see each other on weekends? you should be proud of your daughter for making a relationship like that work.
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info
how do you show love and support to your daughter?
from your post it looks like your attitude towards your son is more positive even if you do love them equally and your daughter is probably picking up on that. it's okay to naturally connect more with one child over another but that just means you have to work a little extra hard learning and understanding the other child. it sounds like your daughter didn't do as well in school but what are her talents? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? what are all the awesome qualities in her fiance that makes her want to spend the rest of her life with her? do you even know the answers to these questions?
you don't have to give her money but i agree with your wife that you should give her something and that something should be more support in her decisions, a congratulations on her engagement, and maybe a house warming gift for when she moves in with her fiancee.
she's probably not feeling any support from you in any area of her life and that doesn't make her a spoiled brat for being upset about it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.02053
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year. i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision. the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year. since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school. she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school. i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout. she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an *educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially. well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her *something*, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision. she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year. i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision. the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year. since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school. she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school. i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout. she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an *educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially. well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her *something*, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision. she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this? [/INST] nta. you said you'd give it to her if she went to go study. she's not going to study. you have been consistent in your behavior (in regards to giving money to your kids). </s>
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AITA for my reaction to my husband telling his daughter that our daughter tried on her wedding dress?
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i have a stepdaughter “leah” and a bio daughter “tessa” who are half sisters though they don’t get along at all. my stepdaughter is moving and asked if she could store some things here and her dad said yes.
leah and tessa are both getting married which has intensified their dislike. leah hijacked tessa’s dress shopping appointment and bought herself a wedding gown, which was among the things she stored at our house. tessa tried it on which i walked in on and i snapped at her. the dress was $12,000 which i know because i was there and if she damaged it at all o was concerned about how was going to pay.
my husband found out and told leah. tessa was mortified to the point of tears and leah reacted by calling her a “stupid little whore” and telling her to get out of her life forever. i yelled at my husband that he is a terrible father for telling leah that when he knew how she’d react. leah cried to her fiancé who then cussed at my husband and called him a deadbeat father and tessa hasn’t come out of her room.
i’m so upset that he told leah. i looked the dress over carefully to make sure there was no damage so leah didn’t need to know and now tessa is humiliated and leah is crying. i told him he’s an idiot who hurt both kids and right now i’m not talking to him.
| 2,727
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sh4lzz/aita_for_my_reaction_to_my_husband_telling_his/
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2022-01-31 16:01:51
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esh. literally everyone.
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tessa had no right to try on the wedding dress. leah had no right to hijack the appointment. your husband had no right to create the drama by saying anything. the fiance had no right to cuss out the husband. you had no right to call your husband a terrible father... that was going too far. stick to what you're upset about. petty insults just add to the drama you are upset about in the first place. so all of you are assholes.
esh
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yta.
your husband did nothing but tell the truth.
your daughters are 100% responsible for their own bad behaviour.
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esh you and your children act ridiculously, none of this behavior is appropriate
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yta big time!! your poor husband is surrounded by a bunch of toxic women. your husband is not the one to be blamed here. this is100% on you and your daughters.
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yta, your stepdaughter had a right to know. maybe this seems like a small thing, but i would want to know if it were me. honestly, your daughter and stepdaughter both sound like they may be better off out of each others lives if they are old enough to be getting married and still acting like this towards each other.
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your husband did nothing wrong, if someone tried on my wedding dress i would want to know, and would feel betrayed if i found out someone knew but didnt tell me.
yta
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esh. so, you get mad at your husband for doing the right thing? tessa had no right to put on that dress, and leah had the right to know she did. tessa should've been reprimanded and scolded from the father, though, for doing that, especially while it was on his property. i think tess should stop snooping through your stuff, no matter how she feels about leah.
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esh. every single person here sounds volatile and rude. it is entirely possible to have normal family conversations about difficult topics without yelling and name calling. maybe a bit of family or couples therapy on communication skills would go a long way.
&#x200b;
>leah hijacked tessa’s dress shopping appointment
>
>tessa tried it on
>
>my husband found out and told leah
>
>i told him he’s an idiot
>
>i called my husband names and yelled at him
>
>he heard me yelling at tessa
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esh.
tessa shouldn't have tried on the dress.
you shouldn't expect your husband to keep that a secret.
leah shouldn't have hijacked tessa's dress shopping.
the fiance should have called your husband a deadbeat- weird move.
well so maybe your husband isn't an ah, because all he did was tell the truth, but i'm sure somewhere in here he messed up.
so your daughter and stepdaughter full on hate each other. without going in to the full background of what everyone could have done better in life, this is where you are now.
accept that these two need to be separated- leah shouldn't be at tessa's wedding stuff and vice versa. don't force them to interact and know that if they are interacting, danger awaits.
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.022045
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a stepdaughter “leah” and a bio daughter “tessa” who are half sisters though they don’t get along at all. my stepdaughter is moving and asked if she could store some things here and her dad said yes. leah and tessa are both getting married which has intensified their dislike. leah hijacked tessa’s dress shopping appointment and bought herself a wedding gown, which was among the things she stored at our house. tessa tried it on which i walked in on and i snapped at her. the dress was $12,000 which i know because i was there and if she damaged it at all o was concerned about how was going to pay. my husband found out and told leah. tessa was mortified to the point of tears and leah reacted by calling her a “stupid little whore” and telling her to get out of her life forever. i yelled at my husband that he is a terrible father for telling leah that when he knew how she’d react. leah cried to her fiancé who then cussed at my husband and called him a deadbeat father and tessa hasn’t come out of her room. i’m so upset that he told leah. i looked the dress over carefully to make sure there was no damage so leah didn’t need to know and now tessa is humiliated and leah is crying. i told him he’s an idiot who hurt both kids and right now i’m not talking to him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a stepdaughter “leah” and a bio daughter “tessa” who are half sisters though they don’t get along at all. my stepdaughter is moving and asked if she could store some things here and her dad said yes. leah and tessa are both getting married which has intensified their dislike. leah hijacked tessa’s dress shopping appointment and bought herself a wedding gown, which was among the things she stored at our house. tessa tried it on which i walked in on and i snapped at her. the dress was $12,000 which i know because i was there and if she damaged it at all o was concerned about how was going to pay. my husband found out and told leah. tessa was mortified to the point of tears and leah reacted by calling her a “stupid little whore” and telling her to get out of her life forever. i yelled at my husband that he is a terrible father for telling leah that when he knew how she’d react. leah cried to her fiancé who then cussed at my husband and called him a deadbeat father and tessa hasn’t come out of her room. i’m so upset that he told leah. i looked the dress over carefully to make sure there was no damage so leah didn’t need to know and now tessa is humiliated and leah is crying. i told him he’s an idiot who hurt both kids and right now i’m not talking to him. [/INST] esh. literally everyone. </s>
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AITA for screenshotting messages guys sent me and sending them to their mothers?
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i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me.
their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like.
am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way?
edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this.
edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.
| 26,608
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvv973/aita_for_screenshotting_messages_guys_sent_me_and/
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2022-04-04 06:29:34
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nta.
the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys".
what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage.
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nta. each of these guys could potentially be charged criminally; instead, you told their mothers. i applaud you for employing a method that will ensure they have some kind of punishment from their families. to be clear, it may not be any more effective overall than reporting to the police, but it's worth the shot.
as for your friends who say you took it too far, i'd ask them how far they think the three guys have gone, and whether that's too far? then tell those "friends" to eff off.
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this is chef's-kiss perfection
nta
smart as heck
please ditch any friend who said this was out of line. men who don't know how to behave get either mom or the police. you chose well.
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this is gold! nta. you actually chose an option that would cause them less trouble for their future. most colleges have pretty strict rules about bullying. they might have been kicked out. you picked the more effective choice without destroying their future. tbh even if you had chosen to report them to the college, you would still have not been the ah. bullying and sexual harassment should never be tolerated.
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nta. they shouldn’t be sending you stuff like that without your consent in the first place! it’s disgusting that some guys think that’s okay to do!
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nta. you did "report" them, just to a different kind of authority. they had no expectation or "right to privacy" of the messages they sent you. good for you.
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nta.
what kind of awful people put the feelings of their friends _harrassers_ over the feelings of their supposed friend?!
the police probably would have done nothing.
whatever app you are using probably would have done nothing.
i think what you did was smart. you put them on blast, but privately, so if they retaliate in a more public way they look even more like assholes.
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nta- not sure where you live but if it’s in the uk this is actually a crime now, and i imagine with its recent legalisation the local police force would be rather interested in this too. i’d go the whole hog, fuck them and their disrespect for your boundaries. this happened to me prior to the change of laws, so i issued a warning that as if anyone shared the imagine with me i’d consider it my property to do as i wish with and share it on social media. never had one again happily enough… these disrespectful sex pests need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and unfortunately from my experience they don’t seem to understand the word no.
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nta. run far, far away from any "friend" who thinks you're in the wrong here. also, please look into reporting these boys to the school, jobs they have, etc. protect yourself, leave a paper trail, screenshot and record everything.
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nta. boys are far too often excused from facing consequences of their actions. if they were being respectful none of this would be an issue. they weren’t. perhaps they’ll think twice before they pull a similar stunt.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks. [/INST] nta. the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys". what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage. </s>
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AITA for not waiting for my daughter to eat dinner?
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my (47f) daughter (14f) dances at a local studio four nights a week. she gets home between 7-8:30 at night when she dances and gets mad when we have eaten without her. she has three siblings, my husband and myself in the house, and i don’t think it is reasonable to make everyone wait to eat until she gets home. she doesn’t like many things, so most nights she chooses to eat on her own... but if we happen to be making a meal she loves, she wants us to wait. of note, when it is a meal she loves, there is always food left over for her that can be easily heated up. so, aita?
| 999
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l226ev/aita_for_not_waiting_for_my_daughter_to_eat_dinner/
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2021-01-21 16:45:59
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info: you can't even sit down with her and have dessert or just chat while she has dinner?
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nah, i think you're right it's not fair to wait that long for her to eat but i also get the feeling she's lonely. maybe try sitting with her while she eats rather than leaving her alone all the time.
also is it possible she's not getting as much food as she'd like on the days when it's her favorite and that's why she'd rather you wait?
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nah your daughter probably just misses having a meal with her family during nights when her activities go late. i did marching band in the fall and theatre in the spring in high school, i wasn't home until 8:30 most nights. my mom used to a snack at the table while i ate and just chat with me. it was nice! maybe something like that could help her, while also not making the rest of your family starve.
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nta but ask yourself why she is upset by this? does she feel like she's missing out on time with her family? do you feel like there's another way you could make her feel included when you're eating without her on these nights? sometimes with teens, it's not about what they say, which may sound silly on the outset, but about why they're saying it. dig deeper, mama. your daughter is trying to tell you something.
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it’s a blessing to have a teenager who actually wants to spend time with you. have dessert or some fruit while she eats her dinner and talk about her day
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nah
former dancer here and i relate so much to your daughter. i got home almost every night after 8. sometimes 9 or 10 (but obviously i wasn’t as offended about dinner those nights). what irritated me was how i would get home exhausted and moody (i was a teenager lmao) and would have to cook for myself which of course isn’t a big deal unless your tired w bandaged feet and a sore core while listening to your family talk about how they had breakfast for dinner and you’re microwaving a hot dog.
of course waiting til after 8 to eat isn’t practical for all families but maybe make sure to leave food for her and hang out w her while she eats. maybe one night a week have a late dinner so she could be included (if possible).
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info: why do you make her favorite meals on the nights she dances? just make those when she is home.
i am not going to call a 14yr old girl an ah for wanting to have dinner with her family
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nta. its not fair to alter the entire family's schedule on a regular basis for ome member's activities. in my house 7:30 is when bedtime routines start for my younger 2, there is no way they would either make it that long between lunch and dinner without a full meal (snacks only go so far) or go to bed when they should so soon after eating a full meal.
i would, however, make sure that you or your husband are available to sit with her while she eats. there is no reason for her to have to sit alone and eat unless she chooses to.
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nta - because honestly, that would be a late dinner. the only part that would make you ta is whether or not you sit down with her while she is eating. if you don't then you're ta because no one at that age like to eat alone while the rest of family has already eaten
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INFO
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.074708
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (47f) daughter (14f) dances at a local studio four nights a week. she gets home between 7-8:30 at night when she dances and gets mad when we have eaten without her. she has three siblings, my husband and myself in the house, and i don’t think it is reasonable to make everyone wait to eat until she gets home. she doesn’t like many things, so most nights she chooses to eat on her own... but if we happen to be making a meal she loves, she wants us to wait. of note, when it is a meal she loves, there is always food left over for her that can be easily heated up. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (47f) daughter (14f) dances at a local studio four nights a week. she gets home between 7-8:30 at night when she dances and gets mad when we have eaten without her. she has three siblings, my husband and myself in the house, and i don’t think it is reasonable to make everyone wait to eat until she gets home. she doesn’t like many things, so most nights she chooses to eat on her own... but if we happen to be making a meal she loves, she wants us to wait. of note, when it is a meal she loves, there is always food left over for her that can be easily heated up. so, aita? [/INST] info: you can't even sit down with her and have dessert or just chat while she has dinner? </s>
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AITA for having a wedding and not disclosing we were already legally married?
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about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!).
the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids.
very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but...
we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date.
carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her.
for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
| 30,757
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9m02m/aita_for_having_a_wedding_and_not_disclosing_we/
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2019-09-26 16:27:42
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nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses
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nta also keep in mind that gifts are just that. once somebody gifts you something, sole ownership of that thing goes to you.
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nta.
also, your husband deserves an extra shout out for backing your decision.
there's far, far too many feckless spouses out there who will side with "mommy and daddy" over their partner.
and those partners deserve better.
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i suspect she's just hurt she didn't know you'd already been married a year and a half. her son didn't tell her and i can see why she'd be upset.
lots of people have ceremonies after they're already married, it's not uncommon. older people sometimes don't get legally married force variety of reasons (like benefits from a deceased spouse) and just have a commitment ceremony.
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how is it a gift grab if you didn't have one a year and a half ago? like, if you'd done a real wedding back then, there would have been a reception anyway so...
nta. but if you haven't found away to explain things to her, figure out a way to tell her while leaving the unwanted specifics out and have your husband explain the situation. you won't wanna be on your mil's bad side from the proverbial gate.
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nta
being legally married unlocks certain powers that can make life better. y'all did that and that was wise.
the ceremony / reception is to celebrate the couple, and also a good way to see friends and relatives that aren't close by.
the fact that y'all were legally married doesn't diminish the celebration.
carol is being an asshole because she feels entitled to know every detail about you and her son, and her not knowing a socially irrelevant (but legally very relevant) detail wounds her little heart. this is a perfect application for the non-apology "i'm sorry you feel that way, but we made the right decision "
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nta.
i understand carol feeling hurt at her son not telling her he was married, but your health and legal relationship status are your business. nor should you be denied a big family affair just because your circumstances forced you to get a marriage license. she was way out of line.
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nta. your husband probably should've told his mum, but carol sounds ridiculous. give her gift back & be done with it.
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nta. op, my boyfriend (i guess legally husband) and i did the exact same thing. i had some health issues and his insurance was excellent. so we got legally married and didn't really tell anyone. my parents are extremely judgmental and would not be okay with this so i just don't tell them. i keep them on an information diet anyway. to us, it's not a marriage, just another legal document. when we have the actual proposal, ring, ceremony, etc., that to us is the real wedding, a public declaration of our love and commitment. we don't even call each other husband and wife because we don't see it like that. don't let people on this thread tell you otherwise. you did what you did and it benefited you in the end, that's all that matters. btw, the healthcare i received saved my life without breaking my bank. sometimes a rarity in the us!
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nah but people do get touchy about this and she's his mom, i can totally understand why she got upset not knowing you've actually been married almost 2 years ago.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000485
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes. [/INST] nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses </s>
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AITA for wanting to abort my late husband's baby?
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my husband died a week ago and i'm 13 weeks pregnant. my in-laws know and they want me to keep the baby so there's a piece of him alive. when i mentioned i might get an abortion they flipped out on me, called me every name in the book and selfish, at which point i broke down in tears and left.
i don't know what to do. on one hand i can understand what they mean, if i abort there's nothing of my husband left. but i just... don't know. i can end this chapter of my life and move on. i don't know what to do. i know a lot of you are thinking it's amazing i'm pregnant and i can always have a piece of him through my baby but that's the thing, i can't decide if i want that or not. i've never been more conflicted in my life and i have to stop thinking about it so i don't miscarry from the stress.
| 13,826
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b3blri/aita_for_wanting_to_abort_my_late_husbands_baby/
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2019-03-20 12:49:02
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nah
i am so, so sorry you are finding yourself in this awful situation, and i'm sorry for your loss.
it's your body and if you want an abortion that is totally your choice. having a kid just to keep a part of your husband alive seems like a lot of pressure for that kid! for what it's worth, i know someone who got an abortion after her partner died. you aren't the only person who has ever been in this situation and i hope you figure out something that works for you.
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i have no judgement one way or the other about asshole or not but i’ll say this. grief is a trauma that clouds every single aspect of your day to day life. i would not make this decision without talking to a professional. grief will make you do things that you think were well thought out and rational to look back a year later and think omg what was i doing. this could set you free or completely destroy you once you have clear headedness again. please see a grief councillor before doing this. you may be very reactionary right now.
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this is way above reddit’s paygrade. please talk to a crisis counselor right away.
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whatever you decide to do nta. there is no definitive right or wrong in this situation.
that’s a terrible situation to be put in, and i’m very sorry for your loss. it must be extremely scary to go it alone, especially in a time of grief. i’d suggest talking to a councillor of some kind at the very least.
however if you do choose to terminate the pregnancy i wouldn’t tell his family that you have done so. i would tell them that you miscarried.
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e: brigaded. locked.
whoever is reporting every. single. fucking. anti-abortion comment, you're going to be disappointed with the results in your exercise in time wasting. reports aren't a tool to silence dissent.
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nta, having a spouse die is difficult enough without trying to be a single mom on top of that. do what you think is best.
> they flipped out on me, called me every name in the book
how are you people not saying nta? these people are clearly wrong to do that.
**edit**: clearly a lot of people don't understand what it means to be the asshole here.
it means the person in the wrong of a conflict. it doesn't matter if it's understandable or how they act when they're not grieving. in **this instance**, they were wrong to insult op and that makes them the assholes in this specific interaction.
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nah. i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. have you thought about seeing a therapist to help you out with this? that sounds like a good investment right now. even just one session could help, to have a neutral person to explore the issue with.
and i wouldn't speak of this to anyone else in your life. this is a really touchy subject and you don't want to have to deal with people's judgment on top of it. if you decide to go through with it, you can always say you had a miscarriage. people don't need to know the details.
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nta if you dont think you can raise the baby then its best to do that. it is your choice and i dont think the best way to handle such an awful event is to raise someone.
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nah - it's normal for your late husband's relatives to want you to keep the baby. at the end of the day, it is your body and having a baby is a major life decision. no one should blame you for not wanting to have a constant reminder of your husband, but on the flip side you may regret the only chance to hold onto a part of him.
remember, it's your life, you're not an asshole just a redditor in an unfortunate situation.
sorry for your lose and the heartbreaking situation you are in.
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no judgement from me, but someone made a very valid point the other day.. coming to aita for any sort of advice is very risky, you could be taking on the opinions of a whole bunch of people whose views align (but may be right or wrong) or don't align with yours (still could be right or wrong) to make a monumental life decision. i'd recommend seeking professional advice from a therapist of some sort rather than strangers on the internet.
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NAH
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | 0.015625
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband died a week ago and i'm 13 weeks pregnant. my in-laws know and they want me to keep the baby so there's a piece of him alive. when i mentioned i might get an abortion they flipped out on me, called me every name in the book and selfish, at which point i broke down in tears and left. i don't know what to do. on one hand i can understand what they mean, if i abort there's nothing of my husband left. but i just... don't know. i can end this chapter of my life and move on. i don't know what to do. i know a lot of you are thinking it's amazing i'm pregnant and i can always have a piece of him through my baby but that's the thing, i can't decide if i want that or not. i've never been more conflicted in my life and i have to stop thinking about it so i don't miscarry from the stress.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband died a week ago and i'm 13 weeks pregnant. my in-laws know and they want me to keep the baby so there's a piece of him alive. when i mentioned i might get an abortion they flipped out on me, called me every name in the book and selfish, at which point i broke down in tears and left. i don't know what to do. on one hand i can understand what they mean, if i abort there's nothing of my husband left. but i just... don't know. i can end this chapter of my life and move on. i don't know what to do. i know a lot of you are thinking it's amazing i'm pregnant and i can always have a piece of him through my baby but that's the thing, i can't decide if i want that or not. i've never been more conflicted in my life and i have to stop thinking about it so i don't miscarry from the stress. [/INST] nah i am so, so sorry you are finding yourself in this awful situation, and i'm sorry for your loss. it's your body and if you want an abortion that is totally your choice. having a kid just to keep a part of your husband alive seems like a lot of pressure for that kid! for what it's worth, i know someone who got an abortion after her partner died. you aren't the only person who has ever been in this situation and i hope you figure out something that works for you. </s>
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AITA the asshole for "explaining periods wrong" to my nephew who asked?
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so yesterday my sister was having some "female medical issues" and was in no shape to take care of her six-year old son while her husband was at work and just needed a while to herself (this happens on occasion so it's nothing new) and asked me to take care of my nephew for the day so she could rest in peace.
sure, nothing new, i picked up the kid while staying safe (things have calmed down where i live so we're allowed but not encouraged to go out in public) and went to my place.
sometime after our luxurious lunch of mac & cheese he asked me if mommy was sick because she always wanted him out of the house to stay with me (it's at most once a month during the worst days but i think he felt it was more often than it was)
i sort of panicked because he knows there's a disease going around and sometime kills people and didn't want him to get the wrong idea.
i sat him down and how i explained it was something like:
"okay so you know how mommies have eggs in their bellies to make babies? *nods* well sometimes those eggs go bad and start hurting mommy so they have to get rid of them to make place for new fresh eggs, sometimes this hurts a lot which is why mommy wasn't feeling good. do you understand?" *nods*
we talked a bit more but then he realized that it was time for his favorite show on tv and didn't pay it any more attention.
i thought everything was fine but later that night my sister called me asking (half-laughing, half-annoyed) what i'd told her son to make him ask if she'd "pooped out the bad eggs yet"
apparently (and i guess understandably) he assumed mommy got rid of eggs like hens did which of course was the butt.
she wasn't mad per say but she thought i was in the wrong for having "the talk" with her son without their permission and sounded kinda upset about it all.
in my defense it wasn't like i pulled out a diagram of the human body and started teaching sex ed. periods is something that's better to know about early on in my opinion.
am i in the wrong here? should i have explained it better?
| 894
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jax95z/aita_the_asshole_for_explaining_periods_wrong_to/
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2020-10-14 09:09:59
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info: do you think periods are caused by bad eggs?
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nah - you're on thin ice because (1) its probably best to leave it to parents to decide when to talk about sexual health stuff with their kids, and (2) that's a piss poor explanation of how periods work, but i think you had enough good reason to have a shot at it. good intentions and all. all being well the kid will learn about periods properly sooner or later. no harm no foul.
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>"okay so you know how mommies have eggs in their bellies to make babies? nods well sometimes those eggs go bad and start hurting mommy so they have to get rid of them to make place for new fresh eggs, sometimes this hurts a lot which is why mommy wasn't feeling good. do you understand?" nods
yta. if you cannot find a way to be age appropriate and anywhere near the realm of supplying correct information, please refrain from explaining the female anatomy to your nephew. (or anyone.) this "explantation" is nightmarishly wrong. a simple, "mommy loves you so much, she just doesn't feel well, you can ask her about it later" would have *more* than sufficed.
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i'm absolutely astounded by the amount of people in this thread who genuinely think that periods are caused by "bad eggs".
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kind of yta because that's not how periods work at all... also as not your kid a more generic "it's normal - lots of women feel ill about once a month, and she will be fine" might have been better.
but mostly the misinformation is what's making me uncomfortable.
|
oh god yes you should have explained it better. have a quick google of age-appropriate *anatomically correct* ways to explain this stuff to kids, run it past your sister to double-check that she’ s cool with it and tell the kid the correct information next time, if he asks.
yta, but only a soft one.
ps: just double checking, you *do* know this is wrong, right ?
|
yta. this is definitely something for a parent to explain. the whole "mommies have eggs in their bellies that sometimes go bad and start hurting mommy" thing is nightmare fuel.
|
yta
"bad eggs"?! good lord, and he's not your kid!
you could have said that "mummy is poorly every so often, but she's going to be ok, like when you have a bad tummy ache but feel better later. "
plus your comment about how he needs to know more about periods - clearly you shouldn't teach anyone if you think it happens because of bad eggs!
|
[deleted]
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yta if you don't make sure that poor kid doesn't now believe that hens poop eggs.
|
INFO
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NAH
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.054249
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so yesterday my sister was having some "female medical issues" and was in no shape to take care of her six-year old son while her husband was at work and just needed a while to herself (this happens on occasion so it's nothing new) and asked me to take care of my nephew for the day so she could rest in peace. sure, nothing new, i picked up the kid while staying safe (things have calmed down where i live so we're allowed but not encouraged to go out in public) and went to my place. sometime after our luxurious lunch of mac & cheese he asked me if mommy was sick because she always wanted him out of the house to stay with me (it's at most once a month during the worst days but i think he felt it was more often than it was) i sort of panicked because he knows there's a disease going around and sometime kills people and didn't want him to get the wrong idea. i sat him down and how i explained it was something like: "okay so you know how mommies have eggs in their bellies to make babies? *nods* well sometimes those eggs go bad and start hurting mommy so they have to get rid of them to make place for new fresh eggs, sometimes this hurts a lot which is why mommy wasn't feeling good. do you understand?" *nods* we talked a bit more but then he realized that it was time for his favorite show on tv and didn't pay it any more attention. i thought everything was fine but later that night my sister called me asking (half-laughing, half-annoyed) what i'd told her son to make him ask if she'd "pooped out the bad eggs yet" apparently (and i guess understandably) he assumed mommy got rid of eggs like hens did which of course was the butt. she wasn't mad per say but she thought i was in the wrong for having "the talk" with her son without their permission and sounded kinda upset about it all. in my defense it wasn't like i pulled out a diagram of the human body and started teaching sex ed. periods is something that's better to know about early on in my opinion. am i in the wrong here? should i have explained it better?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so yesterday my sister was having some "female medical issues" and was in no shape to take care of her six-year old son while her husband was at work and just needed a while to herself (this happens on occasion so it's nothing new) and asked me to take care of my nephew for the day so she could rest in peace. sure, nothing new, i picked up the kid while staying safe (things have calmed down where i live so we're allowed but not encouraged to go out in public) and went to my place. sometime after our luxurious lunch of mac & cheese he asked me if mommy was sick because she always wanted him out of the house to stay with me (it's at most once a month during the worst days but i think he felt it was more often than it was) i sort of panicked because he knows there's a disease going around and sometime kills people and didn't want him to get the wrong idea. i sat him down and how i explained it was something like: "okay so you know how mommies have eggs in their bellies to make babies? *nods* well sometimes those eggs go bad and start hurting mommy so they have to get rid of them to make place for new fresh eggs, sometimes this hurts a lot which is why mommy wasn't feeling good. do you understand?" *nods* we talked a bit more but then he realized that it was time for his favorite show on tv and didn't pay it any more attention. i thought everything was fine but later that night my sister called me asking (half-laughing, half-annoyed) what i'd told her son to make him ask if she'd "pooped out the bad eggs yet" apparently (and i guess understandably) he assumed mommy got rid of eggs like hens did which of course was the butt. she wasn't mad per say but she thought i was in the wrong for having "the talk" with her son without their permission and sounded kinda upset about it all. in my defense it wasn't like i pulled out a diagram of the human body and started teaching sex ed. periods is something that's better to know about early on in my opinion. am i in the wrong here? should i have explained it better? [/INST] info: do you think periods are caused by bad eggs? </s>
|
AITA for blowing up on my fiancé infront of his family for getting my daughter's cat out of the house?
|
i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly.
anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married.
few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him.
he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him.
he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting.
aita for blowing up on him infront of his family?
here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
| 25,545
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vi3s1v/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_fiancé_infront_of_his/
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2022-06-22 12:12:04
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nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter)
i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point.
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nta. and this relationship needs to end.
1. he thinks he can control you and your daughter, and it is his right.
2. he has no problem hurting your daughter.
3. he has no problem endangering the life of an animal.
4. he lied to you, and you would know the truth without the cameras. that means that you can't trust him.
5. he gaslit you in front of his family, pretending what he did wasn't as bad as it was.
6. he knows that he is wrong, but doesn't care. he rather get his way. if what he did wasn't wrong, them why hide it from his family?
7. the silence has a reason: it's the beginning of coercive control. withhold everything to put yourself in a position of power and force the other person into negotiating. don't fall for it!!!
8. "this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married" is code for this is the "white claw" level of abuse, when we get married the "grain alcohol with a funnel" level of abuse will start.
maybe he stopped calling, because he knows that he can't easily control both of you. that is a blessing.if you continue with this man, you will be unhappy and it will negatively impact your relationship with your daughter.
i do find it interesting that you came over to his family's home with flames coming out of your nose, and their response was not to tell you to calm down or leave or question your behavior. instead, they asked you what he did and took your side. that usually only happens when a family already knows he is an a-hole by his countless actions. take the lesson here.
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nta
what he did is horrible.
but what it says about him is way worse. he doesn't just lack empathy, but also respect for you and your daughter and integrety.
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his house too? really? he moved in and now makes all the rules? how much do you value this controlling relationship. this man is going to get worse and more demanding. set your boundaries and toss this person to the roadside. you and your daughter will be much happier in the long run.
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nta just break up with him and move on. he's not a good person.
also, i am tickled by the picture of the cat with lol surprise! behind it. i bet he was lol surprised when you showed up at his family's place to call him out on his bullshit.
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i think he an abusive ah who waited until he was moved in and embedded before showing his true colours.
the fact that his family went off at him as well is very telling.
this is only the tip of the iceberg. there is no future here.
nta.
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op. holy shit. i cannot emphasize this enough. for your sake. for your daughter sake **do not marry this man**. make him move out. immediately. end this relationship.
nta. don't let him around the cat unsupervised.
he is cold, calculating, and cruel. this is not a man you want to marry.
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op, nta.
1) change your locks.
2) pack his crap in one big box and tape your ring to the top of it.
3) put said box at the end of the driveway for him to pick up.
4) hug your daughter, give the cat some scritches, and go on with your life.
5) give your neighbor a nice thank you gift for rescuing the cat! (thank you u/icepudding for pointing that out!)
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i’ve seen the cat, the man should be composted.
nta
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cancel the engagement and get rid of him. if he's willing to dump someone's pet, who knows what else he might do?
nta
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch [/INST] nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter) i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point. </s>
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AITA for being pissed that she took my name.
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a person who i used to work with and i were expecting babies around the same time. she's just had hers and i'm still waiting (due date in 9 days).
months ago we discussed baby names and she asked if i had any. i told her me and my husband had decided to call our little girl evelyn. she said some of hers and that was that.
wake up today to see she's had her baby and has made an accouncement.
i'm sure you can all guess that she named her little girl evelyn......
am i the asshole for being pissed off about that?!
| 2,313
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c7qfo1/aita_for_being_pissed_that_she_took_my_name/
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2019-07-01 09:23:30
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nah as long as you're going to keep it to yourself. i think, short of immediate family, it's pretty unfair to behave like you have a monopoly on certain names. there are only a finite number of names, so people are going to have the same name as your kid.
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nah
it's a coworker, not a friend or family member.
chances are, one of you will be in a new job within a few years and you'll never see each other again.
even if you do, it's not like your kids need to be friends.
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evelyn1 is free
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yta to yourself. never disclose baby names before you've given birth!
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so a person you *used* to work with gave her kid an ordinary name?
meh
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yta. i can't remember the name of a co-workers actual baby who told me last week, let alone someone i used to work with months ago telling me a future baby name. i doubt this was some devious plot to "steal" a super common name.
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nta. wtf who does that?
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i mean, i appreciate being annoyed - but, it *is* just a name. if you’re just bothered but not actually going to go have a go at her i’d give this a pass and say nah.
at the end of the day, this is why you don’t share baby names if you care about this kind of thing.
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yta for being pissed. there’s no rationing on how many people can be given a certain name per year. people within the same social circle often have the same names. you probably won’t even see your ex colleague’s kid that much so it won’t even be an issue. it’s hardly like evelyn is a unique name that you invented. a name stays with you for your entire life so if your ex colleague and her husband really loved the name, it would be totally unreasonable to expect them to avoid using it just because they knew you were using it too. if it was your sister or sister-in-law, and the kids were going to be cousins, you *may* have a point, but even then i’ve known cousins who share a first name.
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nah. i hate to break it to you, but evelyn is one of the most popular baby names in the us right now. evelyn and evie are both in the top fifty girls names of 2018.
this woman isn’t even a coworker of yours anymore, and it doesn’t sound like you run in the same friendship circle.
you’re going to need to learn to deal with the fact that your child will be sharing her name with other children, because chances are she’ll be going to school with at least one other.
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.790569
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a person who i used to work with and i were expecting babies around the same time. she's just had hers and i'm still waiting (due date in 9 days). months ago we discussed baby names and she asked if i had any. i told her me and my husband had decided to call our little girl evelyn. she said some of hers and that was that. wake up today to see she's had her baby and has made an accouncement. i'm sure you can all guess that she named her little girl evelyn...... am i the asshole for being pissed off about that?!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a person who i used to work with and i were expecting babies around the same time. she's just had hers and i'm still waiting (due date in 9 days). months ago we discussed baby names and she asked if i had any. i told her me and my husband had decided to call our little girl evelyn. she said some of hers and that was that. wake up today to see she's had her baby and has made an accouncement. i'm sure you can all guess that she named her little girl evelyn...... am i the asshole for being pissed off about that?! [/INST] nah as long as you're going to keep it to yourself. i think, short of immediate family, it's pretty unfair to behave like you have a monopoly on certain names. there are only a finite number of names, so people are going to have the same name as your kid. </s>
|
AITA for throwing a birthday party for my daughter while my niece is in the ICU
|
my daughter just turned 4 a couple days ago. my husband and i are throwing her a surprise party on saturday and we invited her class, her friends from her dance and gymnastics classes and girl scouts, and her cousins.
the problem is that my niece (20) is in the icu with sepsis. when my sister and bil got the invitation for them and their kids (they have younger kids my daughter’s age), i got a call asking why we were throwing a party for my daughter when their daughter is still in the hospital.
i said that we can’t drop everything because their daughter’s in the hospital and that my daughter still deserves to have a birthday.
my sister told me to postpone the party until their daughter’s better and said my daughter won’t notice because she doesn’t know about the party anyway but i still don’t think that’s fair to my daughter.
she yelled at me for being unsupportive and accused me of trying to steal attention from her daughter/their situation and make my daughter the center of attention again (she’s the baby in the family and has special needs so she’s usually the center of attention at family functions).
aita for throwing a birthday party for my daughter while my niece is in the icu
| 2,751
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/thipax/aita_for_throwing_a_birthday_party_for_my/
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2022-03-18 23:58:09
|
esh
not ta for having the party, but ta this reply:
>i said that we can’t drop everything because their daughter’s in the hospital
you seem totally oblivious to the stress they're experiencing because their child might die. you don't have to drop everything, but you should approach this with a bit more tact for their situation.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. not at all. your daughter is also young, she’s not a teenager that could make the decision on her own about pushing back her party. your life can’t shut down if someone is sick. i get if they don’t wanna come because their child is sick, but why would you cancel it? your daughter is three and isn’t gonna understand why you can’t celebrate her birthday and it wouldn’t be fair to put that on her. i hope she enjoys her party! don’t feel bad at all.
|
i can see why your sister feels as she does but you’re nta and i’ll tell you why. there’s 2 reasons. one is that icus tend to not allow many people to be in the ward at any one time - i’ve personal experiences there. and secondly, if anything, your niece’s situation should be a reminder that life is fragile and to celebrate those you love when you can. i wish your family well.
|
nta.
your sister is going through a lot right now, but her worrying about who has the attention right now is sad.
ignore her, but do your best to empathize. it is okay to set boundaries.
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esh, but i would say you didn’t have to let the family know about the party. this could have just been a friends party and your daughter would have been just as happy and your sister wouldn’t have had to decline because her daughter is gravely ill in the hospital.
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nta. your sister is stressed so maybe cut her some slack. however, asking to postpone the party until her daughter is better is a bit much. who knows how long that will take and there is the possibility that she won't (hopefully not).
your daughter deserves to celebrate her birthday and at 4yo would likely wonder why there was no celebration.
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yta because i’m pretty sure this is fake. the auto mod copy says daughter just turned 3, while the main text now says daughter just turned 4…either way it is far too young for a surprise party with “her class, her friends from her dance and gymnastics classes and girl scouts.” 2-3 year olds don’t have a “class” unless you count daycare, they only very loosely even have “friends” at this age, and girl scouts does not start until kindergarten (age 5-6). this doesn’t add up and the edit to the age just confirms it.
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esh. it's kind of a dick move to send them an invitation knowing they can't attend and knowing the reason why they can't attend tbh
|
nta, what is this nonsense about stealing attention? you are having a birthday party for a 4 year old. she does deserve this birthday party. good for you for parenting well. all they had to.say was no thank you, we cannot attend for obvious reasons.
|
ESH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.427856
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter just turned 4 a couple days ago. my husband and i are throwing her a surprise party on saturday and we invited her class, her friends from her dance and gymnastics classes and girl scouts, and her cousins. the problem is that my niece (20) is in the icu with sepsis. when my sister and bil got the invitation for them and their kids (they have younger kids my daughter’s age), i got a call asking why we were throwing a party for my daughter when their daughter is still in the hospital. i said that we can’t drop everything because their daughter’s in the hospital and that my daughter still deserves to have a birthday. my sister told me to postpone the party until their daughter’s better and said my daughter won’t notice because she doesn’t know about the party anyway but i still don’t think that’s fair to my daughter. she yelled at me for being unsupportive and accused me of trying to steal attention from her daughter/their situation and make my daughter the center of attention again (she’s the baby in the family and has special needs so she’s usually the center of attention at family functions). aita for throwing a birthday party for my daughter while my niece is in the icu
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter just turned 4 a couple days ago. my husband and i are throwing her a surprise party on saturday and we invited her class, her friends from her dance and gymnastics classes and girl scouts, and her cousins. the problem is that my niece (20) is in the icu with sepsis. when my sister and bil got the invitation for them and their kids (they have younger kids my daughter’s age), i got a call asking why we were throwing a party for my daughter when their daughter is still in the hospital. i said that we can’t drop everything because their daughter’s in the hospital and that my daughter still deserves to have a birthday. my sister told me to postpone the party until their daughter’s better and said my daughter won’t notice because she doesn’t know about the party anyway but i still don’t think that’s fair to my daughter. she yelled at me for being unsupportive and accused me of trying to steal attention from her daughter/their situation and make my daughter the center of attention again (she’s the baby in the family and has special needs so she’s usually the center of attention at family functions). aita for throwing a birthday party for my daughter while my niece is in the icu [/INST] esh not ta for having the party, but ta this reply: >i said that we can’t drop everything because their daughter’s in the hospital you seem totally oblivious to the stress they're experiencing because their child might die. you don't have to drop everything, but you should approach this with a bit more tact for their situation. </s>
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AITA For begging my boyfriend not to being Heinz Ketchup to Omakase?
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sorry this all seems ridiculous but i need a sanity check. i consider myself a "foodie" but my boyfriend jay is the exact opposite. like he'll literally eat but it's more than that — he always starts things with me when i try to take him out for good food. for example last year i got us reservations at a steak house and he made a point of ordering his steak well done with ketchup. the thing is he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to "make a point" that no one, not even i, can tell him how to eat his food.
well his birthday is coming up and he likes sushi so i wanted to treat him to a nice omakase experience. it's where you sit with the chef and eat the food in front of them. it's more than i spend on food in two weeks but i thought it could be fun for both of us.
today he told me he's only going to go if he can bring a bottle of heinz ketchup and put it on the table. i thought he was joking but he was serious. i told him i've literally never seen him — or anyone else — eat sushi with ketchup. he actually got mad at me saying that nobody gets to decide for him how he enjoys his food. he went on to yell at me that it's a shitty birthday gift because i'm the foodie and he isn't.
i think he's being obnoxious with the ketchup thing but maybe he's just making a point about me forcing my hobbies on him idk. aita?
| 12,415
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwu0qg/aita_for_begging_my_boyfriend_not_to_being_heinz/
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2022-10-06 02:44:08
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info
your boyfriend aggressively opposes fine dining. why is that your birthday gift to him?
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why would you take him to omakase for his birthday if he isn’t a foodie? sounds like a gift for you
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yta
> the thing is he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to "make a point"
...so why are you taking him out to nice restaurants for his birthday? do something else!
either he finds you controlling, or he's messing with you in a way you don't find funny. either way, there's no good reason to try and force the experience you want, for his birthday.
oh and if he did bring ketchup to dip sushi in to make a point, he'd be an ah as well. and possibly not allowed by staff. yeah, you can't tell him how to eat, but it's still rude.
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[deleted]
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esh. you don’t bring your own condiments. but i am guessing you are a pia about food, to which he reacts by ordering food that will annoy you. both are absurd behaviors. also, you don’t bring someone to the restaurants you want for their birthday, you go this *their* favorite!
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esh. he's a contrary asshole and immature as hell, but it's true that you're the one who would enjoy the omakase, not him. save the experience for your own birthday.
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yta. he's explicitly told you that he does not appreciate being dictated what/how he enjoys his food and your "gift" to him is a dining experience that directly surrenders control to someone else?
non-foodies don't give a shit about omakase because to them food is food and they want what they want to eat, not an "experience" that takes control away from them. this is clearly a gift for yourself, not for him.
he will never be a foodie. either you accept that and quit trying to force it on him or you should find yourself a like-minded friend or partner you can share this interest with.
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omakase sounds like a terrible gift for him. he doesn’t like people telling him how to eat and you’re gifting him a meal where the chef chooses everything. he’s literally telling you he doesn’t want to go - yta for gifting him something you want and he doesn’t.
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yta i can't believe i'm finally saying this but the iranian yogurt is not the problem here.
listen you're telling the story so of course you'll do your best to paint your side in the best light, i'm not saying your manipulative, just as people we do this naturally. even so this line slipped out:
>he went on to yell at me that it's a shitty birthday gift because i'm the foodie and he isn't.
it seems like your boyfriend is at a breaking point. it seems like this is something you've been pushing om him for a while. consider this if food is such a source of tension why would you think this is a good present? you know from (at least) last year that eating at a fancy place wasn't a bonding experience. in fact it seemed like neither of you had a good time. i get that you think it's good because he likes sushi bug you've also said he doesn't value fancy food. how would you feel if he spent a bunch of money on something you didn't value for your birthday? especially if it was a joint thing that he liked?
i think you need to take a step back. it sounds like you are only buying presents/planning dates for things that you like. this is the type of behaviour that kills relationships long term. ie i finally broke up with them, can you believe every year for my birthday they basically got a gift for themselves and then got mad i didn't like it.
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>the thing is he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to "make a point" that no one, not even i, can tell him how to eat his food.
that does sound like ever so much fun. he ruins his food so he can show you that you aren’t the boss of him. you waste your money and time so he can be rude and mean to you.
perhaps food is not a area of compatibility for the two of you. maybe you two should simply go to a movie instead. you can sprinkle fancy flavors on your popcorn and he can have his plain and everyone can go home happy.
i hope everything else in your lives together is so wonderful that these battles are only a meaningless glitch.
i don’t know if the answer is nah or esh
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INFO
| null |
YTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.100801
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry this all seems ridiculous but i need a sanity check. i consider myself a "foodie" but my boyfriend jay is the exact opposite. like he'll literally eat but it's more than that — he always starts things with me when i try to take him out for good food. for example last year i got us reservations at a steak house and he made a point of ordering his steak well done with ketchup. the thing is he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to "make a point" that no one, not even i, can tell him how to eat his food. well his birthday is coming up and he likes sushi so i wanted to treat him to a nice omakase experience. it's where you sit with the chef and eat the food in front of them. it's more than i spend on food in two weeks but i thought it could be fun for both of us. today he told me he's only going to go if he can bring a bottle of heinz ketchup and put it on the table. i thought he was joking but he was serious. i told him i've literally never seen him — or anyone else — eat sushi with ketchup. he actually got mad at me saying that nobody gets to decide for him how he enjoys his food. he went on to yell at me that it's a shitty birthday gift because i'm the foodie and he isn't. i think he's being obnoxious with the ketchup thing but maybe he's just making a point about me forcing my hobbies on him idk. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry this all seems ridiculous but i need a sanity check. i consider myself a "foodie" but my boyfriend jay is the exact opposite. like he'll literally eat but it's more than that — he always starts things with me when i try to take him out for good food. for example last year i got us reservations at a steak house and he made a point of ordering his steak well done with ketchup. the thing is he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to "make a point" that no one, not even i, can tell him how to eat his food. well his birthday is coming up and he likes sushi so i wanted to treat him to a nice omakase experience. it's where you sit with the chef and eat the food in front of them. it's more than i spend on food in two weeks but i thought it could be fun for both of us. today he told me he's only going to go if he can bring a bottle of heinz ketchup and put it on the table. i thought he was joking but he was serious. i told him i've literally never seen him — or anyone else — eat sushi with ketchup. he actually got mad at me saying that nobody gets to decide for him how he enjoys his food. he went on to yell at me that it's a shitty birthday gift because i'm the foodie and he isn't. i think he's being obnoxious with the ketchup thing but maybe he's just making a point about me forcing my hobbies on him idk. aita? [/INST] info your boyfriend aggressively opposes fine dining. why is that your birthday gift to him? </s>
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AITA for telling my husband to stop driving my car?
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my husband doesn't have a car and had been using mine to drive to and from work. however he totaled the first car i had and i replaced it with a certified pre owned luxury car. i have a warranty on it for 50k miles. i have been working for home so i have not needed it. the car i purchased had 20k in miles and is now at 40k.
he had been without a car since christmas 2020. he had begun using the car to shuttle his friends to and from places and although we live and work in a 7 sq mile city. he has been racking up mileage at the tune of 30 miles a day. i've repeatedly tried to ask him only to drive to and from work. he had also left trash and smoked in my car. he doesn't pay car payments and doesn't pay for maintenance... today he told me he was going to drive from his work to near our home to pick up his friend then drive to the opposite ends of the city than come back near us to play his club soccer game. i snapped, he made me out to be a complete jerk. he doesn't respect my wishes and i'm just so sick of it. am i asshole to say enough is enough?
edit 1: you have all given me the validation i have needed. last night when he came home we discussed it in a calm manner. he stated that he would make the car payment while he is using the car as well as pay half for the new tires i just put on it. for all those that say property is communal, yes everything that we jointly pay for is communal he just didn't pay anything car related.
we discussed how disrespected i feel when he leaves trash and smokes in the car. the next time it happens he will not be driving again. then we look at new trucks and purchased one.
while i have married a man that acts like a teenage boy sometimes, please know that he is a loving man who is growing and maturing with me. we can both be brats and i know he puts up with a lot of bullsh*t from me.
| 1,898
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n527nc/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_stop_driving_my_car/
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2021-05-05 00:03:30
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info: how does it feel to be married to an irresponsible teenager?
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nta, he can get his own car or a ride from someone else if he won't respect your wishes.
i'm assuming the car is under your name and not his, in which case you have all the rights to tell him not to drive it, even if you just felt like saying "no"
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nta. your husband has failed to realize that he has a lot to make up for after totaling your first car. and since this new car is in your name, you call the shots. you gave him clear instructions on what he can and can't do with your car. if he totals it again, that's going to hike up your insurance. and thus far, he's shown that he doesn't even acknowledge your instructions. definitely nta, but he sure is one.
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nta time he steps up and buys his own vehicle. he’s treating yours like a shuttle service, and soon you’ll be out of warranty. and let me tell you.. those luxury cars aren’t cheap to fix out of warranty and it seems like everything can go wrong as soon as you hit the mark (driver of a dumb audis for 10 years)
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nta- take the keys. tell him to find his own way.
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nta.
if he was just using your car to go to and from work or run family errands, that would be okay. however, he's being a taxi service for his friends, trashing your car and smoking in it. he should buy his own car. if you don't want him being a taxi service, then he doesn't get to use your car. and what if he totals this one while he's driving his friends all over the city?
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nta he smokes in your car thats gross.
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info: he hasn’t had a car...? why? after totaling yours, why does he feel entitled to drive your car?
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nta but yta to yourself...girl he’s smoking in your car and totaled your old one and you’re letting him treat you like garbage. i’d dump him so fast
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nta. he totaled your first car and is now driving out the warranty on the replacement? he doesn't have a car to be chauffeuring his friends around. him being this comfortable means that you've allowed this to go on too long.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.016
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband doesn't have a car and had been using mine to drive to and from work. however he totaled the first car i had and i replaced it with a certified pre owned luxury car. i have a warranty on it for 50k miles. i have been working for home so i have not needed it. the car i purchased had 20k in miles and is now at 40k. he had been without a car since christmas 2020. he had begun using the car to shuttle his friends to and from places and although we live and work in a 7 sq mile city. he has been racking up mileage at the tune of 30 miles a day. i've repeatedly tried to ask him only to drive to and from work. he had also left trash and smoked in my car. he doesn't pay car payments and doesn't pay for maintenance... today he told me he was going to drive from his work to near our home to pick up his friend then drive to the opposite ends of the city than come back near us to play his club soccer game. i snapped, he made me out to be a complete jerk. he doesn't respect my wishes and i'm just so sick of it. am i asshole to say enough is enough? edit 1: you have all given me the validation i have needed. last night when he came home we discussed it in a calm manner. he stated that he would make the car payment while he is using the car as well as pay half for the new tires i just put on it. for all those that say property is communal, yes everything that we jointly pay for is communal he just didn't pay anything car related. we discussed how disrespected i feel when he leaves trash and smokes in the car. the next time it happens he will not be driving again. then we look at new trucks and purchased one. while i have married a man that acts like a teenage boy sometimes, please know that he is a loving man who is growing and maturing with me. we can both be brats and i know he puts up with a lot of bullsh*t from me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband doesn't have a car and had been using mine to drive to and from work. however he totaled the first car i had and i replaced it with a certified pre owned luxury car. i have a warranty on it for 50k miles. i have been working for home so i have not needed it. the car i purchased had 20k in miles and is now at 40k. he had been without a car since christmas 2020. he had begun using the car to shuttle his friends to and from places and although we live and work in a 7 sq mile city. he has been racking up mileage at the tune of 30 miles a day. i've repeatedly tried to ask him only to drive to and from work. he had also left trash and smoked in my car. he doesn't pay car payments and doesn't pay for maintenance... today he told me he was going to drive from his work to near our home to pick up his friend then drive to the opposite ends of the city than come back near us to play his club soccer game. i snapped, he made me out to be a complete jerk. he doesn't respect my wishes and i'm just so sick of it. am i asshole to say enough is enough? edit 1: you have all given me the validation i have needed. last night when he came home we discussed it in a calm manner. he stated that he would make the car payment while he is using the car as well as pay half for the new tires i just put on it. for all those that say property is communal, yes everything that we jointly pay for is communal he just didn't pay anything car related. we discussed how disrespected i feel when he leaves trash and smokes in the car. the next time it happens he will not be driving again. then we look at new trucks and purchased one. while i have married a man that acts like a teenage boy sometimes, please know that he is a loving man who is growing and maturing with me. we can both be brats and i know he puts up with a lot of bullsh*t from me. [/INST] info: how does it feel to be married to an irresponsible teenager? </s>
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AITA? For not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?
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i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work.
he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did.
he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him.
the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office.
aita really for not wearing my wedding ring?
edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.
| 24,070
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0h1sx/aita_for_not_wearing_a_wedding_ring_and_making_my/
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2022-04-10 12:57:23
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nta. immediately go to hr with this.
he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting.
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nta. he sends dick picks that aren't welcome in an office setting and you worry you're the ass? and even if you weren't married that could get his ass fired.
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nta and make a **beeline** for hr. ywbta if you didn't report him now so he cant do it to anyone else in the office.
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this is stalking and sexual harassment. you need to report him to hr and tell him you’ll take it to the police if he doesn’t leave you alone.
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nta it's no one's responsibility to wear a wedding ring. that's preposterous.
he was harassing you. take every single picture and message and give them to hr.
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nta , but call the cops on your husband for arson holy shit.
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nta.
go to hr. what morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested and yet he persisted anyway. also, a "nice" guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. it's in his actions.
also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not.
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nta. why haven't you contacted hr?
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nta honestly this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. i’d report the whole history to hr. even though you’ve already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women.
btw it isn’t a person’s responsibility to broadcast to the office that they arw married and no longer part of the dating pool; it’s their potential suitor’s responsibility to be sure that the people he’s trying to date are actually interested. in this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor but the rule applies to everyone. make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances before you make them.
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nta. you asked him to stop and he didn't. that's harassment whether you're married or not.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems. [/INST] nta. immediately go to hr with this. he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting. </s>
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AITA for making my wife walk to her 200 ft to her parking spot?
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we live in a townhouse with one garage parking spot. i park my ev in the garage so i can charge it overnight and keep it out of the elements. there are guest parking spots right next to the garage, but when those are unavailable, i request that my wife parks her car (a beat-up 2006 prius) on the street, which is 200 feet from the garage down an asphalt driveway. she leaves for work at 6 am, while i don't work until 8 am. aita for not letting her park in the garage?
edits:
1) i'm solely financially responsible for both cars.
2) my wife has broken the side mirror and scraped the prius backing out of the garage on two separate occasions.
3) bay area, so lows are still in the low 50s.
4) safe neighborhood with well-lit streets and sidewalks.
5) she agreed to the parking arrangement before the car was ordered.
6) i'm not trying to flex nor trying to be a "tesla bro". figured you all wanted more specificity.
7) the driveway is shared amongst my neighbors and no one is allowed to park there.
8) i've driven the prius for 11 years before passing it on to my wife, who drove an even crappier 90s car before then. she's sentimentally attached to the prius and won't trade it in until it kicks the can.
9) i refer to the prius as "beat-up" because it has dents, chipping paint on the roof and hood, and paint transfer from previous run-ins.
10) i walk her out to her car when the distance is not within view of our bedroom.
11) her commute is 10 minutes inner streets vs. my 40-minute highway commute.
| 6,141
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yeigj1/aita_for_making_my_wife_walk_to_her_200_ft_to_her/
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2022-10-27 04:28:59
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esh, what in the american is this?? first of all, it seems to me that your car is more important to you than your wife, which makes you ta, but i also can't unterstand how anyone would even bother to complain about walking 200 ft (60 m, that's really nothing). this entire thing being such an issue that you feel the need to post it on the internet is astounding to me.
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yta for being an annoying tesla bro.
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if i wasn't 100% sure from the post, your defensiveness in the comments and inability to take criticism makes me think yta.
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if you want to brag about owning a tesla, try a car related subreddit instead of inventing a story to post on amitheasshole.
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yta i assume that since your wife goes to work at 6am she is the first one home as well, so you expect her to just ignore the empty garage and park in the street so you can park your precious tesla "out of the elements?"
it would be one thing if you needed it to charge, but that shouldn't be an every night thing. you just expecting that you automatically get the garage because you drive a tesla makes yta
|
>california
>”the elements”
yta, get a rain cover for those 5 days a year.
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yta - bragging about your car all the while talking crap about your wife's car. start saving for the divorce now because you're going to need it. this is not what mature people do in a marriage.
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if her concern is being attacked at 6 am, any good husband would get his fucking ass out of the bed and walk her to the car. is this what she's scared of?
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yta for buying a 50k+ car while your wife gets a hand me down that's worth 10% of that
|
yta. trade in your tesla for something that won't ruin your relationship. and next time, don't demand your wife do things you aren't willing to do.
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.000646
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we live in a townhouse with one garage parking spot. i park my ev in the garage so i can charge it overnight and keep it out of the elements. there are guest parking spots right next to the garage, but when those are unavailable, i request that my wife parks her car (a beat-up 2006 prius) on the street, which is 200 feet from the garage down an asphalt driveway. she leaves for work at 6 am, while i don't work until 8 am. aita for not letting her park in the garage? edits: 1) i'm solely financially responsible for both cars. 2) my wife has broken the side mirror and scraped the prius backing out of the garage on two separate occasions. 3) bay area, so lows are still in the low 50s. 4) safe neighborhood with well-lit streets and sidewalks. 5) she agreed to the parking arrangement before the car was ordered. 6) i'm not trying to flex nor trying to be a "tesla bro". figured you all wanted more specificity. 7) the driveway is shared amongst my neighbors and no one is allowed to park there. 8) i've driven the prius for 11 years before passing it on to my wife, who drove an even crappier 90s car before then. she's sentimentally attached to the prius and won't trade it in until it kicks the can. 9) i refer to the prius as "beat-up" because it has dents, chipping paint on the roof and hood, and paint transfer from previous run-ins. 10) i walk her out to her car when the distance is not within view of our bedroom. 11) her commute is 10 minutes inner streets vs. my 40-minute highway commute.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we live in a townhouse with one garage parking spot. i park my ev in the garage so i can charge it overnight and keep it out of the elements. there are guest parking spots right next to the garage, but when those are unavailable, i request that my wife parks her car (a beat-up 2006 prius) on the street, which is 200 feet from the garage down an asphalt driveway. she leaves for work at 6 am, while i don't work until 8 am. aita for not letting her park in the garage? edits: 1) i'm solely financially responsible for both cars. 2) my wife has broken the side mirror and scraped the prius backing out of the garage on two separate occasions. 3) bay area, so lows are still in the low 50s. 4) safe neighborhood with well-lit streets and sidewalks. 5) she agreed to the parking arrangement before the car was ordered. 6) i'm not trying to flex nor trying to be a "tesla bro". figured you all wanted more specificity. 7) the driveway is shared amongst my neighbors and no one is allowed to park there. 8) i've driven the prius for 11 years before passing it on to my wife, who drove an even crappier 90s car before then. she's sentimentally attached to the prius and won't trade it in until it kicks the can. 9) i refer to the prius as "beat-up" because it has dents, chipping paint on the roof and hood, and paint transfer from previous run-ins. 10) i walk her out to her car when the distance is not within view of our bedroom. 11) her commute is 10 minutes inner streets vs. my 40-minute highway commute. [/INST] esh, what in the american is this?? first of all, it seems to me that your car is more important to you than your wife, which makes you ta, but i also can't unterstand how anyone would even bother to complain about walking 200 ft (60 m, that's really nothing). this entire thing being such an issue that you feel the need to post it on the internet is astounding to me. </s>
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WIBTA If I got my sister (the plant killer) a stuffed plant this year for Christmas?
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my sister (the youngest of 5) loves the succulent/plant life/green forward trend. she posts about it on instagram, follows plantfluencers, posts pictures of the family herb garden, etc. the only problem is she kills plants. i'm talking the hardiest of cacti straight up die under her care. between last christmas and last month, she's killed--i'm not kidding--a dozen succulents and three different cacti. she killed some at home, and some at her college residence hall. she won't take any advice, but reads the instructions on the plant boxes very carefully. if you try and give her some pointers or inform her that her plant is dying, she just says it's her plant, not yours.
she doesn't really seem all that bothered about being the big green slaughterhouse, so i thought i would get her a set of crochet succulents. they're super cute, and can't die. i can't ask my other siblings because they're a bunch of gossips. reddit, would this be funny? or would i just be a jerk?
| 6,722
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dvznq9/wibta_if_i_got_my_sister_the_plant_killer_a/
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2019-11-13 22:34:23
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info. depends on her sense of humor. can you joke with her about her killing her plants? is it something she could post on instagram and be like "look what my sibling got me because i kill plants, but i'm still working on being a good plant mom" or would she be more embarrassed, want to hide it (and possibly a perceived failure) and not talk about the stuffed plant. are you creating a good memory or a bad memory?
if you're still worried about the plant, maybe you can get her some kind of book by one of these plantfluencers. she might listen to them.
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nta - unless she super self concious or beats herself up over having a "black thumb", i think its a cute gift. but i would actually suggest getting her a pothos, philodendron, or maybe a zz plant for her. i have always had the worst luck with succulents and catci. my problem is i just can't supply the proper watering and environment for them. but once i got my philodendron, which i swear is indestructible, my reign of plant killing ended. its all about finding a plant for your lifestyle, and clearly she needs some help finding that plant because its not a succulent.
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nta - but i wouldn't mention the 'ha ha ha ha, i got you a stuffed succulent because you murder everything you touch' unless she gets it herself.
either she'll get the joke (great), or she won't, but she'll love it because it's a 'different' type of succulent (in which case you have a giggle to yourself and move on).
|
nta. i have a bunch of real succulents and a couple crocheted ones
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info: does it have to be a "i got you this because you can't kill it," type of thing, or can it just be something you got her because they're adorable and you thought she would like them?
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lolol.... "plantinfluencers? "
how about a lifelike but dont tell her its fake? i did that once to a blackthumbofdeath friend. potted it in a real pot and used peat so it wouldnt hold much water. took her almost 2 years to realize it didnt die or grow like all the rest had.
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nta— what an adorable replacement she can’t kill. good thinking.
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but how? how does she manage to do that?
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nta , but maybe give it to her in private in case she does get embarrassed by it.
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nah, personally, i think it's super cute and funny. but the fact that you have to ask makes me wonder what your sister's sense of humor is like and if she'd be hurt/offended. generally the rule is that if you have to ask, then it's a no.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.041844
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (the youngest of 5) loves the succulent/plant life/green forward trend. she posts about it on instagram, follows plantfluencers, posts pictures of the family herb garden, etc. the only problem is she kills plants. i'm talking the hardiest of cacti straight up die under her care. between last christmas and last month, she's killed--i'm not kidding--a dozen succulents and three different cacti. she killed some at home, and some at her college residence hall. she won't take any advice, but reads the instructions on the plant boxes very carefully. if you try and give her some pointers or inform her that her plant is dying, she just says it's her plant, not yours. she doesn't really seem all that bothered about being the big green slaughterhouse, so i thought i would get her a set of crochet succulents. they're super cute, and can't die. i can't ask my other siblings because they're a bunch of gossips. reddit, would this be funny? or would i just be a jerk?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister (the youngest of 5) loves the succulent/plant life/green forward trend. she posts about it on instagram, follows plantfluencers, posts pictures of the family herb garden, etc. the only problem is she kills plants. i'm talking the hardiest of cacti straight up die under her care. between last christmas and last month, she's killed--i'm not kidding--a dozen succulents and three different cacti. she killed some at home, and some at her college residence hall. she won't take any advice, but reads the instructions on the plant boxes very carefully. if you try and give her some pointers or inform her that her plant is dying, she just says it's her plant, not yours. she doesn't really seem all that bothered about being the big green slaughterhouse, so i thought i would get her a set of crochet succulents. they're super cute, and can't die. i can't ask my other siblings because they're a bunch of gossips. reddit, would this be funny? or would i just be a jerk? [/INST] info. depends on her sense of humor. can you joke with her about her killing her plants? is it something she could post on instagram and be like "look what my sibling got me because i kill plants, but i'm still working on being a good plant mom" or would she be more embarrassed, want to hide it (and possibly a perceived failure) and not talk about the stuffed plant. are you creating a good memory or a bad memory? if you're still worried about the plant, maybe you can get her some kind of book by one of these plantfluencers. she might listen to them. </s>
|
AITA for making fun of my boyfriend's penis
|
upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not.
so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter.
after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what.
i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously?
| 21,140
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b9a3mo/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_boyfriends_penis/
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2019-04-04 08:23:27
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yta
teasing him between you two is one thing but publicly making fun of his penis, especially when he has mentioned insecurity in locker rooms, etc., was not cool and kind of a betrayal.
it would have only been okay if you had inserted the word 'flaccid' and/or immediately after the jibe from his friend you defended him with "yeah but that's just because he's a grower not a show-er" or anything that didn't emasculate him and prey on his insecurity. (
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very much yta and how dare you claim he's overreacting considering he seemed to react very calmly and reasonably and was quick to forgive you considering how incredibly out of line you were.
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yta. he wasn’t blowing things out of proportion. never insult your partner’s looks (jokingly or not,) and definitely don’t do it in front of all of his friends. i get playful banter at home, but doing it in front of his friends is just straight up mean.
|
yta.
sorry, but unfortunately you're in the wrong on this one. one thing is playing in the intimacy of your home, another is exposing him to everyone else. we are all fragile about something. men tend to be fragile about their virility. it may be a silly thing to us, but it matters to them. how do you expect him to "prove" his friends wrong? getting a boner in front of them? asking you to retract your comment and publish a statement of how he satisfies you? the more he tries to justify, the more fun he is going to be made of as well.
you say you apologized and felt bad, but if you still think he is blowing it out of proportion, then you really don't understand how hurtful bullying (even if lighthearted) can be and what an impact it has on our psyche.
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wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, he's seven
inches and you think he's not that big.
#what?
what do you want 20 inches?
also yta
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'things that are messy'
'my girlfriend's vagina'
'hahahahahaha! my boyfriend has such a sense of humour!' is probably not how you would react.
you're a complete asshole, making fun of something so intimate in a public setting. you're an asshole for even doing it in private.
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yta penis size is an incredibly sensitive topic for many guys for various reasons. making fun of your so *publicly* about something he has already admitted being insecure/upset about lacks some tact and empathy on your part, but it's not an end of the world situation. this is just a learning moment; build up his confidence, boast about your man to others, and be openly proud of him.
or, you know, just don't talk about his dick to other people.
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yta massively. i can't believe you thought that was funny.
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oh dear i know it was a joke but he told you he was insecure about it and to say it in front of his friends too. sorry but yta. be a bit more considerate next time.
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yta, you did something that hurt him and he told you, he has every right to be upset after you gave his friends more ammo to make fun of him with
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not. so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter. after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what. i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not. so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter. after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what. i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously? [/INST] yta teasing him between you two is one thing but publicly making fun of his penis, especially when he has mentioned insecurity in locker rooms, etc., was not cool and kind of a betrayal. it would have only been okay if you had inserted the word 'flaccid' and/or immediately after the jibe from his friend you defended him with "yeah but that's just because he's a grower not a show-er" or anything that didn't emasculate him and prey on his insecurity. ( </s>
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AITA for lying about a food allergy
|
i’m vegan, have been for over 5 years. i’m lucky to live in a major city with a plethora of entirely or partially vegan restaurants, but, when i visit my family in rural pennsylvania, my options become nonexistent. attitudes toward veganism here range from ignorance to outright hostility. i try to avoid eating out with my family when i’m home, at all costs, but sometimes it simply isn’t avoidable—for example, my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner.
my sister had her dinner at the foremost “fine dining” establishment in this town. it’s a big old tavern that bills itself as a “french-influenced steakhouse”. menu fare is every imaginable cut of steak drowned in butter, with some chicken and fish drowned in butter, plus sides of veggies and mashed potatoes that are—yes, smothered in butter. the one or two vegetarian dishes are buttered and drowned in creamy sauce. given that my little brother used to wait tables here, i know that they frown upon substitutions and don’t use much veggie oil for the sake of “quality”.
i’ve had two negative experiences here, too. i tried to explain my vegan diet my first time here, in depth, yet my sad little plate of steamed broccoli was drizzled with butter and my iceberg lettuce salad came with ranch. the second time, a chef came out personally and promised me that his tomato pasta dish was vegan—only for me to find that they’d swirled parmesan cheese into the red sauce to disguise that they’d accidentally sprinkled it on top. that incident broke my trust completely.
for my sister’s dinner, i called ahead and told the chef that i have life-threatening food allergies to meat proteins, dairy (including butter), and egg. finally, they took me seriously. i was served a dish of plain pasta with salt and pepper with fruit, which sucked but i appreciated the consideration.
for those allergies, though, they had to scrub down the entire kitchen, clean the fryers, check the ingredient lists of their products, etc. that prep apparently cost them an extra 2 hours, and—i didn’t realize this—they charged my parents (who are paying for the rehearsal) an extra several hundred for their time.
my sister and parents are livid. i already sent my mom the several hundred needed to cover the extra cost, but they’re upset at me for lying and humiliating the chef and restaurant, whom they have close ties to. my sister’s wedding is this weekend and something tells me that it’s gonna be tense. personally, i think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserve.
aita for ensuring my needs are met?
| 9,170
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1j4uy/aita_for_lying_about_a_food_allergy/
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2022-10-11 20:14:52
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yta
hi someone with an actual food allergy (lactose and potentially gluten ) , please don’t use an condition that can and is life threatening to make your life easier . also you their job 10x harder
edit : holy crap this is my most like comment yay 😀
edit 2: my allergies are not life threatening but they are a pain in the assets .
edit 3: the restaurant shouldn’t have lied but you shouldn’t have either
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yta bring your own food. this is not a vegan restaurant and you cannot expect a steakhouse to cater to vegan requirements, meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously.
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yta. and this really got me: “personally, i think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserved.” this sort of attitude is what makes many people hate vegans.
it’s a steakhouse in an area where you admitted that veganism isn’t considered a big thing. they probably don’t have easy means to make a vegan meal and don’t get many requests like this. you even said when they tried it wasn’t that great.
since you’ve had previous issues with this place, you could have called them in advance and been really blunt about what you can/can’t eat and ask if they couldn’t accommodate you if you could bring your own food as this is for sister’s rehearsal dinner. lying wasn’t the way to go about it. at all.
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yta for lying and for saying they got what they deserved. they are a steakhouse not a vegan restaurant. not every place is responsible for your dietary restrictions.
|
there’s several other things you could’ve done rather than lying about having life threatening allergies:
1•explained to your family that this particular restaurant has refused/intentionally ignored your dietary requests in the past and you won’t be going.
2•go anyways, but eat beforehand.
3•go and be insistent about your dietary restrictions and every time they do it wrong send it back. every. single. time. until they *finally* do it right.
i’m sure there are plenty of other things you could’ve done, but the right option is *never* going to be “lie about life threatening food allergies”. my friend actually is deathly allergic to dairy, she’ll die even if her food is prepared on a station that had dairy on it previously and hasn’t been cleaned, and it’s people like you that make it so no one takes her seriously. it’s the same as people who put a vest on their dog and say it’s a service dog when it clearly isn’t. y t a for that.
**however** i’m gonna say esh cause restaurant should’ve been able to accommodate you in the first place, it’s not that hard and they’re jerks for messing it up several times before, which caused you to lose trust and choose to lie about allergies.
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yta. people like you are why people with real, life threatening food allergies aren't taken seriously.
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yta - there are people with severe allergies and when people falsify allergies because of dietary preferences or dislikes, it makes it harder for people with legitimate allergies to be taken seriously. also, if you can’t eat the food, just eat something beforehand or afterwards, or skip the dinner and explain why. i’ve had to pack a protein bar to eat before at an event where i couldn’t eat the main course because of allergies. i made that choice though. could i have skipped going? sure, but it was also a time to visit with some people i hadn’t seen in years and was happy to see, and it was one meal. was easy enough to hit a drive thru afterwards.
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you could have just asked for a garden salad with dressing on the side. jesus christ, you give us vegans/vegetarians a bad name.
yta
|
yes yta. yta because that day isn't about you and you can be flexible. and you are also ta for subjecting retail workers that extra work load for nothing. they get paid minimum wage and shouldn't have to be party to such nonsense.
at least you reimbursed your family though. i guess you should get positive recognition for that.
|
as a former server in both casual and fine dining restaurants in a major us metropolis, that restaurant is fuckin absurd. they gave you pasta and fruit. why in the fuck did they need to clean multiple fryers? why did they need to scrub an entire kitchen? it makes literally no sense. they called in the kitchen crew early to deep clean but didn’t have the foresight to plan the single dish and know which *extremely limited* items they were planning to use to make it??? it’s literally a pot, a bowl, tongs, a boiler basket, a cutting board, and a knife that only needed a run through the sanitizer.
it appears to be an establishment run by fuckin idiots. i worked at a place where we once got a reservation for a family of orthodox jews. they brought in kosher pans and cutlery and kitchenware themselves, but we charged them *nothing* for the extra time and consideration that went into cooking their food. we never shut down service and deep cleaned the kitchen if a guest had a life-threatening peanut or shellfish allergy. they just used clean items and didn’t cross-contaminate. if the chef is so dubious of his kitchen’s cleanliness, i don’t think i’d even recommend carnivores eat there. also maybe call in a tip to the local health department because it seems like not a single person in that building has taken a food-handler’s certification.
absolutely nta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.024
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m vegan, have been for over 5 years. i’m lucky to live in a major city with a plethora of entirely or partially vegan restaurants, but, when i visit my family in rural pennsylvania, my options become nonexistent. attitudes toward veganism here range from ignorance to outright hostility. i try to avoid eating out with my family when i’m home, at all costs, but sometimes it simply isn’t avoidable—for example, my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner. my sister had her dinner at the foremost “fine dining” establishment in this town. it’s a big old tavern that bills itself as a “french-influenced steakhouse”. menu fare is every imaginable cut of steak drowned in butter, with some chicken and fish drowned in butter, plus sides of veggies and mashed potatoes that are—yes, smothered in butter. the one or two vegetarian dishes are buttered and drowned in creamy sauce. given that my little brother used to wait tables here, i know that they frown upon substitutions and don’t use much veggie oil for the sake of “quality”. i’ve had two negative experiences here, too. i tried to explain my vegan diet my first time here, in depth, yet my sad little plate of steamed broccoli was drizzled with butter and my iceberg lettuce salad came with ranch. the second time, a chef came out personally and promised me that his tomato pasta dish was vegan—only for me to find that they’d swirled parmesan cheese into the red sauce to disguise that they’d accidentally sprinkled it on top. that incident broke my trust completely. for my sister’s dinner, i called ahead and told the chef that i have life-threatening food allergies to meat proteins, dairy (including butter), and egg. finally, they took me seriously. i was served a dish of plain pasta with salt and pepper with fruit, which sucked but i appreciated the consideration. for those allergies, though, they had to scrub down the entire kitchen, clean the fryers, check the ingredient lists of their products, etc. that prep apparently cost them an extra 2 hours, and—i didn’t realize this—they charged my parents (who are paying for the rehearsal) an extra several hundred for their time. my sister and parents are livid. i already sent my mom the several hundred needed to cover the extra cost, but they’re upset at me for lying and humiliating the chef and restaurant, whom they have close ties to. my sister’s wedding is this weekend and something tells me that it’s gonna be tense. personally, i think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserve. aita for ensuring my needs are met?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m vegan, have been for over 5 years. i’m lucky to live in a major city with a plethora of entirely or partially vegan restaurants, but, when i visit my family in rural pennsylvania, my options become nonexistent. attitudes toward veganism here range from ignorance to outright hostility. i try to avoid eating out with my family when i’m home, at all costs, but sometimes it simply isn’t avoidable—for example, my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner. my sister had her dinner at the foremost “fine dining” establishment in this town. it’s a big old tavern that bills itself as a “french-influenced steakhouse”. menu fare is every imaginable cut of steak drowned in butter, with some chicken and fish drowned in butter, plus sides of veggies and mashed potatoes that are—yes, smothered in butter. the one or two vegetarian dishes are buttered and drowned in creamy sauce. given that my little brother used to wait tables here, i know that they frown upon substitutions and don’t use much veggie oil for the sake of “quality”. i’ve had two negative experiences here, too. i tried to explain my vegan diet my first time here, in depth, yet my sad little plate of steamed broccoli was drizzled with butter and my iceberg lettuce salad came with ranch. the second time, a chef came out personally and promised me that his tomato pasta dish was vegan—only for me to find that they’d swirled parmesan cheese into the red sauce to disguise that they’d accidentally sprinkled it on top. that incident broke my trust completely. for my sister’s dinner, i called ahead and told the chef that i have life-threatening food allergies to meat proteins, dairy (including butter), and egg. finally, they took me seriously. i was served a dish of plain pasta with salt and pepper with fruit, which sucked but i appreciated the consideration. for those allergies, though, they had to scrub down the entire kitchen, clean the fryers, check the ingredient lists of their products, etc. that prep apparently cost them an extra 2 hours, and—i didn’t realize this—they charged my parents (who are paying for the rehearsal) an extra several hundred for their time. my sister and parents are livid. i already sent my mom the several hundred needed to cover the extra cost, but they’re upset at me for lying and humiliating the chef and restaurant, whom they have close ties to. my sister’s wedding is this weekend and something tells me that it’s gonna be tense. personally, i think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserve. aita for ensuring my needs are met? [/INST] yta hi someone with an actual food allergy (lactose and potentially gluten ) , please don’t use an condition that can and is life threatening to make your life easier . also you their job 10x harder edit : holy crap this is my most like comment yay 😀 edit 2: my allergies are not life threatening but they are a pain in the assets . edit 3: the restaurant shouldn’t have lied but you shouldn’t have either </s>
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AITA for telling my ex I didn't forget our son's stuff?
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my ex and i had a contentious divorce that she largely lost when you consider what she was trying to get and what she actually got. for example,she wanted primary custody of our 8yo but got 50-50. we settled everything last month.
we switch every week. last week, i picked him up and she handed me a backpack filled with clothes and toiletries. i asked why she was giving me this and she remarked it was his "visitation" bag. my son doesn't need clothes or a toothbrush from his mom's. he has just as many stuff at my house. i was insulted she called it a "visitation" bag like i'm some weekend dad couch surfing. that was a slap in the face.
i purposely left it behind when we left. she texted me to tell me that i forgot it on the couch. i said i left it there on purpose because my son isn't "visiting" me so no need for a "visitation" bag. she told me i was being an asshole and she was trying to help. i copied and pasted that comment back to her except that i said she wasn't helpful.
| 3,298
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nawhfl/aita_for_telling_my_ex_i_didnt_forget_our_sons/
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2021-05-12 19:00:10
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info: did you talk to your son and see if he actually wanted the contents of that visitation bag? maybe there were some clothes he felt more comfortable with or a toothbrush he really likes.
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esh you’re both being assholes. she is assuming you havent put the preparation in, you are responding in a way that ensures a fight. it could have just been a mother worried about her child being away from home for an extended period of time, but she could have just asked if the kid needs anything sent with them.
you are divorced and are now coparents, it’s time to put aside your disdain for each other and focus on what is best for your child. trading barbs leads to parents ranting on their way home from picking up the kid, and then trying to get even. this will have a massively negative impact on your child’s wellbeing. stop it now.
kids need stability, a 50/50 agreement honestly isnt great for it, so you have a deficit you both need to make up for by being better than this petty bullshit.
“i appreciate the sentiment, but he has everything he needs here.” that isn’t hard. someone has to choose to be the bigger person first. communication issues are likely a factor in your split, but you can still both try to be better at it for the sake of your child.
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esh - you two need to grow up and learn to communicate. how do you know the things in the bag aren't items that your son wants to take back and forth with him? or some new type of toiletry that he is supposed/wants to use?
could your ex be playing mind games and trying to make you feel/look like the lesser parent? possibly. but acting on this assumption instead of asking for clarification doesn't help. if she is playing games, make her come out and say it - then prove her wrong.
**not playing games -**
her - here's his visitation bag
you - oh? what's in the bag
her - he decided that he has a favorite sweatshirt that he can't live without. also, the dentist recommended a different type of toothbrush.
you - great, i will make sure he has the sweatshirt when i bring him back and will get him a new toothbrush like this to leave at my house.
**playing games -**
her - here's his visitation bag
you - oh? what's in the bag
her - his pajamas and toothbrush, you know he needs those things right?
you - i do know that, he has the same things at my house. i will leave these here so you have them for next week
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yta
i assume your son has most things two or more times but it's rreeaalllllyy normal to have a bag with stuff you bring between the parents. like a ds/ switch, books, other stuff to play, favorit clothes... your pride makes up problems here
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yta dude. just take it and don’t use it if you don’t need it. she’s trying to be helpful and you’re spitting in her face about it. it would be different if you’d handled it maturely and she persisted, but you went at it from a confrontational angle.
also, please learn to not bristle at little things your child’s other parent does. your child will suffer the most for it if this behaviour continues.
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esh. y’all both need to grow up.
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nta just like you said 50/50 custody is not visiting. and honestly, (as someone who grew up in a 50/50 custody arrangement) he’s going to start to hate hauling stuff back and forth every week fairly quickly, so it’s way better to just have everything at both houses. and it sounds like that is exactly your plan. all in all, i’d say you’re handling a tough situation pretty well.
the “visitation bag” clearly had more to do with your ex than your son. i doubt she genuinely thought he’d need it (as though you can’t manage to buy him a tooth brush). it seems like she just did it to snipe at you. and maybe to plant the seed in your sons mind that she’s more of a parent than you, (which is honestly the main reason she’s an ass. y’all don’t have to like each other but she should never be putting your son in a position to be exposed to passive aggression and tension between the two of you).
i’m crossing my fingers for non-dramatic custody swaps in your future.
|
you're in a contentious relationship with your ex-wife and are now navigating co-parenting given the new arrangements.
your son will suffer if he picks up on the resentment you have and associate that resentment with his care.
in a less frustrated moment, take the time to explain why the term visit frustrated you and suggest alternatives.
indicate you take pride in the provisions you've established for him at your place, but for continuity and stability as this routine is established, work together to ensure that he has some favorite items that he can transport to and fro for daily use.
for now, esh for the smallest details being a push pull inflammatory event.
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esh. i know divorce is bitter and unpleasant. i am child of a divorced couple who, 30 years later, cannot stand each other. i am also a divorcee. i know how you feel.
i can also imagine how your kid feels. it is confusing and scary and they won't understand it. might even feel its their fault as parents only argue over them.
the two of you have got to put this aside for the sake of your child. you are both being assholes.
your kid is watching you both. how you treat each other will form the basis of how they grow and interact with potential partners in the long term.
don't treat stuff like a competition. there are no winners or losers. your child's wellbeing needs to be your priority.
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it's concerning to me that your whole post is how much you hate your ex and boasting about how you "won" the divorce, and nothing at all about your son and how he feels about the "visit bag".
yta
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.171787
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex and i had a contentious divorce that she largely lost when you consider what she was trying to get and what she actually got. for example,she wanted primary custody of our 8yo but got 50-50. we settled everything last month. we switch every week. last week, i picked him up and she handed me a backpack filled with clothes and toiletries. i asked why she was giving me this and she remarked it was his "visitation" bag. my son doesn't need clothes or a toothbrush from his mom's. he has just as many stuff at my house. i was insulted she called it a "visitation" bag like i'm some weekend dad couch surfing. that was a slap in the face. i purposely left it behind when we left. she texted me to tell me that i forgot it on the couch. i said i left it there on purpose because my son isn't "visiting" me so no need for a "visitation" bag. she told me i was being an asshole and she was trying to help. i copied and pasted that comment back to her except that i said she wasn't helpful.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i had a contentious divorce that she largely lost when you consider what she was trying to get and what she actually got. for example,she wanted primary custody of our 8yo but got 50-50. we settled everything last month. we switch every week. last week, i picked him up and she handed me a backpack filled with clothes and toiletries. i asked why she was giving me this and she remarked it was his "visitation" bag. my son doesn't need clothes or a toothbrush from his mom's. he has just as many stuff at my house. i was insulted she called it a "visitation" bag like i'm some weekend dad couch surfing. that was a slap in the face. i purposely left it behind when we left. she texted me to tell me that i forgot it on the couch. i said i left it there on purpose because my son isn't "visiting" me so no need for a "visitation" bag. she told me i was being an asshole and she was trying to help. i copied and pasted that comment back to her except that i said she wasn't helpful. [/INST] info: did you talk to your son and see if he actually wanted the contents of that visitation bag? maybe there were some clothes he felt more comfortable with or a toothbrush he really likes. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay to repair my girlfriend's violin bow after my nephew's broke it.
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throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main.
my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off.
my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.)
the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them.
my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow.
am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems.
| 9,056
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7f46a/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_to_repair_my_girlfriends/
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2020-08-10 22:21:52
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yta, holy shit.
if someone took out my instrument and handed it to a *ten* year old and then *left them alone for an hour* with it, they would never be allowed back in my home again.
shame on you for failing to see the value of the instrument, shame on you for giving it to a child, and shame on you for refusing to pay for it.
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yta
dude, you are the only one that put the instrument and bow in a child’s hand. you are completely to blame
one redditor mentioned how pricey the bow could be. i suspect that’s why he really doesn’t want to pay
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yta. what? you offered up an expensive piece of equipment to a child and then left him unsupervised. you are 100% to blame.
if the kid had dug it out himself i'd probably say your sister should pay. but you literally put it in his hands. duh. earth to op.
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yta. you took your girlfriend's belongings without permission and allowed a 10 year old to handle an exspensive instrument unsupervised?
the reason why she didn't ask your sister for money to replace the bow is because, despite the kid being hers, she didn't give the instrument to him. you did.
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if this isn’t fake, yta.
you gave your nephew your girlfriends instrument to play with. it is not a toy. you had taken responsibility for your sisters kids while she was away. you are the one who messed up and therefore you are the one who needs to replace the bow.
|
[removed]
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yta. you handed your girlfriend's incredibly expensive instrument to a child (without her permission!), and then left him unattended. literally anyone with half a brain could see this disaster coming. you are absolutely responsible for the costs incurred. the sister didn't make this fuckup, you did, so you need to pay for it.
go to your gf, apologise, peel open your wallet and pray to god it wasn't a 1k+ bow you destroyed.
|
omg. you give a 10 y.o. your girlfriend’s violin? do you know how much that costs? and bows can even be more expensive? my daughter had a starter adult cello, nothing to brag about 15 years ago and it cost me $5,000! bows can cost thousands too!
and not to mention you left two children alone for a freaking hour?
you are the biggest ah ever. you are lucky your girlfriend is 1) still your girlfriend and 2) only asking you to repair the bow.
and what’s up with calling learning music an excruciating task?
your girlfriend deserves a better person as her so. your are a freaking moron. i hope your gf and your sister kick some sense into your entitled microbrain.
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yta. classical violinist here. instruments are *sacred* to their players. it is their most prized possession. you never under any circumstance let someone else touch it without their permission, let alone a hyperactive child who can barely play. you said a frayed bow. did all the hair break or did the bow itself break? either way, shame on you. you fucked up. you pay.
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yta. you handed an expensive piece of equipment that was not yours to a child, who you then left unsupervised, resulting in the ruin of that expensive thing that doesn't belong to you. you're damn right you're on the hook for this because it was your choice to tamper with someone else's stuff, and your negligence that led to its ruin. if your sister wants to kick in because it's her kid, well, that's fair too, but your sister wasn't the one who created this whole avoidable mess.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main. my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off. my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.) the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them. my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow. am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main. my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off. my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.) the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them. my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow. am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems. [/INST] yta, holy shit. if someone took out my instrument and handed it to a *ten* year old and then *left them alone for an hour* with it, they would never be allowed back in my home again. shame on you for failing to see the value of the instrument, shame on you for giving it to a child, and shame on you for refusing to pay for it. </s>
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AITA for making a real life Pokédex of girls at my university?
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so freshman year of college, i began working on this project casually. i like to keep notes on women i talk to about their favorite things, activities they enjoy, gifts/candy they like, sappy shit like that. i suck at remembering things like that so i decided to keep a spreadsheet.
eventually after getting a handful of entries. i offhandedly mentioned it to my friend group. one had the idea that i share it with them so we could all keep new entries as they “caught” different entries.
so this expanded further. right now about 40 guys have access to it and it’s mainly the guys in my frat, and the women featured are girls from different sororities. we also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them. we don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons.
just to help us know what to do if we want to impress certain girls. like the original idea of this was just to keep information like favorite color so i didn’t every forget their favorite colors. now it’s helping a lot of guys.
somehow, a girl who was on the list found out and she was pissed tf off. she was eventually able to trace it back to me so i assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him.
so she’s pissed off and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. it’s just to make impressing them on dates easier. that’s it. she’s made a big deal of this telling so many girls around campus and now they’re all saying that by the start of the fall semester, none of them will be visiting our fraternity or going to our parties.
now all the guys are mad at me, when i’m not even the one who told girls about the list and they were all also using the list. i also think it’s unfair to say the list was all about sex when it wasn’t at all.
aita?
| 11,761
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vo6tey/aita_for_making_a_real_life_pokédex_of_girls_at/
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2022-06-30 12:07:49
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yta-but mainly for thinking everyone is too stupid the see the real intention behind the list. there isn't a person on here who believes this list isn't for sexual or nefarious reasons
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yta. you said it was created to help you remember stuff about the girls you were dating and it wasn't for nefarious reasons, but you also say that a guy probably gave up the fact that your "pokedex" existed because the info on it wasn't getting her to like him. that sounds like manipulation and that is nefarious.
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> we also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them.
> we don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons.
so you don't think keeping a secret spreadsheet of the likes and dislikes of a bunch of girls is scumbaggy when the list exists solely to help your frat bros pretend to really know them?
yta and so are the rest of the guys with "access" to this list. grow up.
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dude, it's creepy and gross. if course it's a hook up guide don't pretend it isn't. yta
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ooookay, let me see if i can explain this...
imagine you're a girl. imagine talking to a guy, maybe going on a date or two, whatever, and he seems nice. you two get along and seem compatible.
then you find out that all those nice things he did was because he had access to a database of information about your likes and dislikes and other information. not only yours, but a bunch of other womens info too. and not only that, but loads of guys have access to this info.
now, as a girl, you are hyper aware of the danger of sexual assault, stalking, etc. quite probably you have female friends and/or family with traumatic experiences regarding this. one of the few ways you have to keep yourself safe is to share information about yourself wisely.
and suddenly, you realise that tons of guys, guys you do not know and do not trust, have had all this information about you to try and win you over.
that is **fucking terrifying**, for what i hope are obvious reasons.
there is plenty of other things wrong with this (you've basically set out a goddamn menu of women for men to pick and choose from, describing it as a "pokedex"), but hopefully this might give you somewhere to start.
yta. delete this database immediately. your "convenience" does not trump women's safety.
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yta.
that’s just creepy.
and the fact that you shared it with other people and allowed them to edit it is disgusting.
also..”entries”?? these aren’t “entries” these are actual people you’re talking about here.
“the pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him” so much for it not being for nefarious reasons
edit to add after your comment saying nothing on there can hurt people: you have a list of several women’s favourite places, so places they are likely to often go to and now approx 40 people have access to that information, and now know the most likely place to find these girls. how is that not information that could result in them getting hurt!
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yta. you and all the boys who wanted access to this 'pokedex'. did any of you think that gosh...maybe...**maybe** talking to the girls and finding out through normal communication of what they like? sure, noting down what they like after talking to them for personal use is fine (e.g. likes a certain flower that can be used for a gift). however, literally having a 'collect them all' pokedex which allows the other guys to put no effort into talking to the girls is weird and makes it sound like you are all treating this as a dating sim.
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yta it's creepy. if you just made note of one person you were dating it'd be ok but information on lots of women is gross
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seeing as the information on your list are things that a guy should put in the effort to learn from the girl, face to face, not a cheat sheet… this is creepy. if i was approached by a guy who knew a bunch of stuff about me, i’d be suspicious too. why? because why would you want to impress me? likely because you want to get in my pants. if you had good intentions to date me and get to know me, the cheat sheet you made would be irrelevant since the fun is in going on dates and finding out who i am first hand. instead your pokédex (which by the way is kind of an insult unto itself “gotta catch them all” *barf*), is bordering on stalker level creepy and sad-level desperate.
wait! but then you shared it with others?! ok so now you’ve created a legion of creeps who, instead of having the courage to talk to these girls themselves, have a sheet and they can pretend to be into the same things so that maybe they’d have a shot with them?!… not only are yta, but in you making this and sharing it, it’s such a red flag. compounded by the fact that you see nothing wrong with making it and sharing is a red flag showing your lack of compassion, empathy and self awareness… because at the end of the day, the vibe doesn’t check out, the pokédex would make any normal, sane woman feel unsafe.
you’ve systematized the getting-to-know you phase of a potential romance. quite frankly, in you doing that, you’ve robbed yourself and your bro-gang the chance to develop genuine connection (read chemistry) with someone which is half the fun of getting to know a potential new date. here’s the kicker, on some level, you know that women love feeling seen and someone getting to know them… but this is supposed to be a natural process that comes from spending time with someone. so when he’s faking that phase because of joke pokédex and she finds out, the entire experience is marred and ominous because he was being disingenuous about connecting with her. this is the lack of empathy, therefore it is creepy, which leads to feelings of unsafe. good luck man…. you’ll be wanting to change schools. no way the news of this won’t spread like wildfire amongst the women at your school.
|
yep...yta.
if it was for yourself then you could possibly get a pass depending on the information. but the fact you shared it around and allowed others to edit and use it. that alone makes yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so freshman year of college, i began working on this project casually. i like to keep notes on women i talk to about their favorite things, activities they enjoy, gifts/candy they like, sappy shit like that. i suck at remembering things like that so i decided to keep a spreadsheet. eventually after getting a handful of entries. i offhandedly mentioned it to my friend group. one had the idea that i share it with them so we could all keep new entries as they “caught” different entries. so this expanded further. right now about 40 guys have access to it and it’s mainly the guys in my frat, and the women featured are girls from different sororities. we also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them. we don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons. just to help us know what to do if we want to impress certain girls. like the original idea of this was just to keep information like favorite color so i didn’t every forget their favorite colors. now it’s helping a lot of guys. somehow, a girl who was on the list found out and she was pissed tf off. she was eventually able to trace it back to me so i assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him. so she’s pissed off and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. it’s just to make impressing them on dates easier. that’s it. she’s made a big deal of this telling so many girls around campus and now they’re all saying that by the start of the fall semester, none of them will be visiting our fraternity or going to our parties. now all the guys are mad at me, when i’m not even the one who told girls about the list and they were all also using the list. i also think it’s unfair to say the list was all about sex when it wasn’t at all. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so freshman year of college, i began working on this project casually. i like to keep notes on women i talk to about their favorite things, activities they enjoy, gifts/candy they like, sappy shit like that. i suck at remembering things like that so i decided to keep a spreadsheet. eventually after getting a handful of entries. i offhandedly mentioned it to my friend group. one had the idea that i share it with them so we could all keep new entries as they “caught” different entries. so this expanded further. right now about 40 guys have access to it and it’s mainly the guys in my frat, and the women featured are girls from different sororities. we also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them. we don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons. just to help us know what to do if we want to impress certain girls. like the original idea of this was just to keep information like favorite color so i didn’t every forget their favorite colors. now it’s helping a lot of guys. somehow, a girl who was on the list found out and she was pissed tf off. she was eventually able to trace it back to me so i assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him. so she’s pissed off and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. it’s just to make impressing them on dates easier. that’s it. she’s made a big deal of this telling so many girls around campus and now they’re all saying that by the start of the fall semester, none of them will be visiting our fraternity or going to our parties. now all the guys are mad at me, when i’m not even the one who told girls about the list and they were all also using the list. i also think it’s unfair to say the list was all about sex when it wasn’t at all. aita? [/INST] yta-but mainly for thinking everyone is too stupid the see the real intention behind the list. there isn't a person on here who believes this list isn't for sexual or nefarious reasons </s>
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AITA for "making fun" of a woman for being in her 40s and single?
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this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear.
he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring.
yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that.
brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done.
me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol
brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband
me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important
brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced.
me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single
now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference.
aita reddit?
| 39,167
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icvnba/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_woman_for_being_in_her/
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2020-08-19 20:25:19
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nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself.
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nta. what the heck, brenda? mind your own single business.
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obvious nta, brenda was the aggressor (and super condescending, and pretty sexist imo ) and you hit her back with a zinger. now salty brenda wants to play the victim.
ps am i the only one who thinks it's odd that you had to ask the husbands work group for a ride home for him and him not just asking himself?
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nta. at all. she came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason. on top of that, she interjected herself into your marriage. your retort was logical - what business does she have giving ppl unsolicited marriage advice when she's not in a successful marriage herself?
for the future, dont engage. simply say something like "your remarks are inappropriate. i will not lower myself and respond to such comments. do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say"
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nta. i don't agree that you were mocking her for being single in her 40s. she was giving unsolicited advise on a subject for which she is unqualified to speak on even if you were looking for advise. same as if you had tooth pain and your mechanic tried to tell you want to do about it. or if you were having problems in the bedroom and a priest tried to advise you. you'd point out your wish to forgo their advise for their lack of qualification and it wouldn't necessarily be mocking them.
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brenda is rude and sexist. you are nta, but i'm wondering about the group dynamic and how professional these people are with each other. nice come back from you haha!
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as a 55+ yr old, never married, female nta! her comments would have offense and inappropriate in the 1950’s. seems pretty much on course for 2020. pandemic, killer hornets, hurricane in iowa, mad tornado in florida, returning to the societal roles of the 1820’s; seems on course for the year. doesn’t mean we have to allow or accept it. nta!
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nta. i love how you responded. i can’t for the life of me understand how any of his coworkers are offended over this, much less to the point they are attacking you.
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nta - but be flattered, brenda clearly has a crush on your husband (also, his coworkers sound like they suck)
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nta that was the perfect response. she was super rude like i can’t believe you even put up with that. you need to go to her boss or hr cause she needs to learn to mind her own business.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit? [/INST] nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself. </s>
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Aita: For giving my deceased son's college fund to his best friend instead of my nephew?
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this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first.
i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing.
despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college.
i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family.
he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else.
i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this.
it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
| 31,608
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jrrmdy/aita_for_giving_my_deceased_sons_college_fund_to/
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2020-11-10 19:27:03
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nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do.
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\> he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
goddamn, op, what have i told you about chopping those onions while i'm trying to shitpost for karma?
nta. whether this is a proper 529 plan or just some checking account that you tossed money into, after the intended beneficiary passed away, there's nothing obligating you to pick a contingent beneficiary due to perceived familial obligation.
\> they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out.
your nephew would be better served resenting his parents for not having the discipline nor the charisma to have thought ahead far enough to save money for his education.
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first, i'm so sorry for your loss.
second, nta.
third, *nta.*
fourth, **nta.**
finally, *nta.*
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nta. i'm struggling to see why your sister thought it was any of her business to ask what you were doing with the college money. it's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. and yes, your reasons for giving it to your son's friend are sound - he genuinely sounds like he deserves it.
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nta
do not give that money to your nephew.
i find it funny that they say your nephew may resent you if he finds out. how would he find out? from his mother? maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. the fact that a teenage boy was more supportive to you than all the adults in your family speaks volumes. tell your sister that if her son works hard he can get scholarships. i’m so sorry for your loss.
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nta. next time your sister wants to talk about being resentful over you not helping out her son, be sure to remind her how resentful *you* are that she offered fuck all help with yours when you needed it. the absolute gall.
your sons friend was his family, and has continued to be so.
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why help someone when they didn't help you?
nta.
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nta. if family was that important to them then they should have shown that by being there for you and your son. it's also not your problem or responsibility to pay for your nephews college because your sister hasn't saved properly. i think giving the college fund to your son's friend is a very sweet idea, and don't let them tell you otherwise.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
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this brought tears, ngl.
nta, 100%
this child was there for your son. made your son feel good. made your son happy. his friend is a good person.
your own family did nothing to help you, they do not deserve the college fund.
you know that story about the hen who has to grow everything alone, and bake the bread alone, then she's awarded with a feast while the animals who refused to help her had to sit and watch?
thats what this is. youre making the right decision, dont let family who wouldn't help you guilt you into giving them the fund.
|
nta just because they are 'family' does not give them a right to your sons college fund.
where were they when your son was having bad days? did your nephew come stay with him? did he help him in any way? were they really good friends? from your post all these things point to no.
it is your money and your decision. if they ask again you can tell them you decided to keep it and it's none of their business. shut down any further discussion on the topic. it's your sisters responsibility to ensure her kid goes to school..... not yours.
also i think it's really nice that you are deciding to help your son's friend with college and i am sure your son would support your choice based on what you've told us.
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this. [/INST] nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do. </s>
|
AITA for “weaponizing my femininity” by crying since the teacher wouldn’t stop another student harassing me ?
|
update at the bottom
edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.
| 27,184
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfnpcs/aita_for_weaponizing_my_femininity_by_crying/
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2022-06-19 05:01:11
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nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it
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nta talk to your parents and try to get them to switch you into another class. your teacher shouldn’t be teaching.
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you’re not the asshole. duncan is discovering that actions have consequences
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nta
go back to the principal and let her know what your teacher said, as well as what duncan's friends are messaging you about. i know you don't want to get your parents involved, but i'd also suggest you do that.
as it stands, you can't approach mr. smith for non-homophobia related issues right now as well, because i wouldn't trust him to do anything. speak to your principal, and ask if you can be switched to another class.
i should note:
> the principal told me to go directly to her if anything like that happens again
it already has. your teacher's comments were unacceptable, and duncan's friends are being horrific. going to her would simply be doing as she asked you to.
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nta
duncan is a homophobic jerk who weaponized your teacher against you to get his way.
mr smith is a homophobic and sexist jerk who thinks women should just let guys harass them because \*insert stupid excuse here\*.
i hate that we are not allowed to cry because it is 'weaponizing femininity' or we are being 'hormonal', 'psycho' or 'unreasonable'. women aren't allowed emotions because it might make men feel bad and it sucks.
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nta. your teacher is as much of a bully as that duncan. he's also a misogynist. seeing how the principal already supported you, you could report mr smith for those comments, he really shouldn't be teaching.
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nta by a long shot. duncan was wrong and should have been reported long ago. duncan's friends are harassing you. you need to take the principal up on her offer and report them. mr. smith was also way out of line, and he probably should also be reported for his remarks after meeting in ms. yates's office. he should never have approached you like that. his remarks show me that he is probably sexist and probably shouldn't be teaching. i highly doubt you are the first girl to suffer in his class.
you also need to bring in your parents. i know you want to spare them, but they are adults, and it is their job to protect you, not the other way around.
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nta, your teacher is an incompetent and a misogynist. what you did was get a bully to back off, and i'm actually very impressed with your methodology- had you fought, yelled or insulted duncan back i guarantee you, you both would have been called in and you would have been suspended too.
for the record, duncan is not a "good boy" and he earned his own mark on his record for being a homophobic entitled little shite. tell your dads what is going on, though.
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nta he’s a bully and a homophobe who uses his religion as an excuse to be cruel. mr. smith sounds like an ah. he probably agrees with duncan. you had a brilliant solution. if his life is ruined because he wa suspended for five days, then maybe he should stfu and mind his own business.
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nta. guaranteed that teacher is "religious" (we know what that's code word for in situations like that) too. the teacher knows this student isn't trying to understand. its an excuse for hate.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved. [/INST] nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it </s>
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AITA : Wanting a Normal Christmas Tree
| 676
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zl75lz/aita_wanting_a_normal_christmas_tree/
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2022-12-13 21:14:15
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info: what was the traumatic event?
without that context, i’m imagining something truly awful happening to your family/daughter and instead of helping her heal per her therapist’s recommendations, you care more about your christmas decorations. which would make yta.
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it seems that your daughter went through something traumatic and you seem pretty dismissive of whatever it is she is going through.
you care more about christmas being the way you want it than creating a christmas for your family.
maybe ask yourself why your daughter feels the need to have a third party present when she’s trying to communicate with you.
yta.
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yta
look your daughter in the eyes and tell her your little dead tree and blinky lights are more important than her, and her pain. look her in the eyes and tell her what you've spelled out for us here. " your trauma isn't valid, i don't believe you and my nostalgia beats out your pain everytime."
tell her the truth of how you feel, and then go enjoy your "christmas" while missing the actual meaning of the effing holiday 👍
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> (i wasn't too happy about the idea my daughter needed a mediator to speak with me but at least it got her to agree to some decor)
you think her therapy is good only in that it led to her agreeing to some decorations? wtf?
you're obviously withholding information, but it sounds like your daughter experienced trauma and you're trying to gloss over it for the sake of your ideas about holiday tradition. yta.
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**hey reddit! i am the heathen child who does it up winter solstice style whom op mentioned.**
my dad gave more than enough detail for me to make the correct (i hope - or else that's one major coincidence and i'm an ass) assumption that this post is about my family and specifically my beautiful little sister! firstly i will give my judgement - you got this one right reddit and dad you are the ass ( yta ). absolutely, fully, and majorly. christmas decorations aren't what we love about christmas. a's most loved part is probably the dinner when we all get together and laugh and eat and enjoy ourselves, mine is just family in general, c's is definitely gouging on cookies, and baby sister is all about giving gifts - not receiving, giving. she has *always* been the most sensitive and empathetic to others so when we feel - she feels and strongly. remember how you felt when auntie died? she felt that too and just as strongly as you did. but she was downstairs looking at the decorations feeling it while you disappeared... that was hard on all of us... we thought we were going to lose you the same way we lost her. as long as those decorations were up was as long as we were holding our breath. it was scary. while those decorations were up, she lost her aunt, her best friend, and thought she might have lost her dad. that's three really big, scary, and traumatic things that those decorations saw and that she saw those decorations during the course of. they came down near the end of your major depressive episode - when you started coming out of your room. so maybe she made a connection there or at any other time throughout that highly stressful time. the decorations went away - dad came back alive. the decorations were there - auntie "left" and her friend left... yes, i know, you know, and *she absolutely* knows logically that the decorations didn't "do" that, but our brains make associations and see patterns in everything even if they aren't logical.
&#x200b;
**that said i did want to address some recurring points and topics - i also wanted to explain to my dad this whole situation in a format where i can't be interrupted (the back up might be a little unfair).**
&#x200b;
* the aunt whom we tragically lost to mental illness was in fact my father's sister. i did see some assumptions - probably well founded with how detached he comes off - that this was my mother's sister but that is not the case... she was deeply loved by her nieces, and i know my father did love her too. thank you to everyone who has offered their condolences. i truly appreciate it.
* i've been told my entire life that my dad is doing "his best" as a parent. after seeing this, i - for the first time - full heartedly believe that is sadly true. those who have pointed it out are correct that my dad suffers a deficit in emotional intelligence and empathy. when he says he doesn't understand that isn't an excuse it is true. he has always been that way but i always believed he could try harder - he just didn't want to. i feel deep sadness reading this now and oddly empathy for him...
* i have also been well trained to empathize with him and see how he turned out this way. something i don't believe he is even capable of. this man will tell me about the christmas his father wrapped nothing but empty boxes for their one and only childhood christmas as a "prank" which he was forced to unwrap every last one and he'll tell it like a fond memory - even the part where his father put dog biscuits in his stocking which he was - you guessed it - made to eat. this story alone i feel explains my father's stunted development in parenting and why my aunt's husband got the hell outta dodge.
* my dad is right that my sister (thank whatever deity or power you believe in) did not see our aunt after she had passed. while she could not win her battle she did her best to protect my sister and her daughter by locking the door and using a quiet method (that feels kinda shitty to say). i find it quite difficult to address this myself. i'm actually shaking as i type this part. she did *know* at the time. i remember that night vividly myself. as someone mentioned the sneaking suspicion something wasn't right had to have set in with the girls because i remember them tugging at the basement door and i remember my uncle dragging all us kids into another room when they forced through the door. what i also remember *specifically and* ***importantly*** is that the decorations stayed up for much longer than usual. the entire time they were up my dad - op - was catatonic and confined himself to his bedroom. it was at least a month before he even came downstairs again. that night was the only time i or i think any of us saw our dad cry. and he *bawled*. which is completely understandable but also really hard on kids - especially young ones like my baby sister.
* those of you saying you completely understand how he couldn't compromise with *gasp* spiders: a few nice people have shared the folklore behind the christmas spider and i strongly suggest reading it. now something i find particularly interesting here is that my dad talks about the sentimental value of our decorations - specifically the ones we made.... guess what? my sister was hand making her spidery christmas decorations with zero spook involved. it's things like spider webs made from hand strung beads and ribbon, spider snowflakes ala jack skellington, and spiders made from fake pearls and iridescent beads.
* i also wanted to make it really clear (i didn't see too many comments like this but maybe it's the protective sister in me that this felt important): **none of us feel put out by our sister's trauma.** the second youngest who is still at home didn't have to fight for cookies - she just said "hey, i know christmas is hard for you, are you good with cookies and gingerbread houses or is that too much?" and the answer was that edible christmas delights were ah-okay. we invite her to the christmas events - even the ones she declines - because maybe one day she'll say yes and we want her to have the option when she's ready.
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yta
**100% yta**
your daughter was in the house when her aunt committed suicide around christmas. how you cannot understand how traumatizing this was, i can't wrap my head around. i don't care that she didn't actually see it happen, it happened in the house!! she's just a kid!
you need to get over yourself and be there for your daughter. forget christmas decorations, that can hold until your daughter grows up and is out of the house. it's massively triggering for her as someone she loved killed themselves in your house.
also, your attitude towards how she's in therapy is just gross. you need to grow up and act like a man, be a father and stop being so selfish.
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>that i understand she feels triggered by christmas and has her reasons but avoiding the decorations won't help her.
her psychologist has literally stated to you that it will help her. your daughter has ptsd and alternative decor was the recommended course of action prescribed by her mental health provider.
have you spent the last few years training yourself on ptsd and are now a licensed therapist with a trauma background? have you taken your daughter on as a patient? no? then why do you think you know better than her mental health provider about what is the appropriate course of action for her trauma triggers?
right now you are coming across as an insensitive abuser who doesn't give a shit about his own daughter's mental health. you need to course correct and quickly.
>i wasn't too happy about the idea my daughter needed a mediator to speak with me but at least it got her to agree to some decor
perhaps your daughter does not feel safe talking to you directly because of behavior like the behavior you are demonstrating right now. this is why kids go nc with their parents as adults.
yta.
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yta
maybe take your ridiculous christmas decorations and shove- nah, that's not nice.
but neither are you. stop obsessing over your stupid decorations and worry about how your daughter is processing her aunt's suicide. holy moses, dude. priorities!
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okay, for anyone interested, the "christmas spider" is actually a really nice little folk tale from eastern europe. and, there's plenty of non-creepy, non-morbid decorations that reference it..... including tinsel....
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/legend_of_the_christmas_spider
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yta
>she does still participate in christmas activities so i don't see her aversion is as severe as it is made out to be
if your child says it's bad, it's bad. you don't get to tell her "oh, but you still doing activity a, so clearly you're lying about how much it affects you"
>i wasn't too happy about the idea my daughter needed a mediator to speak with me but at least it got her to agree to some deco
maybe instead of being pissy that your daughter needed a mediator to speak with you, think about why your child felt unsafe approaching you and needed an unbiased third party to step in.
>avoiding the decorations won't help her.
and forcing it in her face for several weeks of the year will?
> she started to cry which i obviously feel bad for.
no, you obviously don't - or you wouldn't have told her "sucks to be you, i will not compromise. my way or the highway, fuck your feelings"
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] info: what was the traumatic event? without that context, i’m imagining something truly awful happening to your family/daughter and instead of helping her heal per her therapist’s recommendations, you care more about your christmas decorations. which would make yta. </s>
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WIBTA if I ask my family to miss my sister’s high school graduation to attend my wedding rehearsal dinner?
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my (m28) parents have never been together in my lifetime. my dad (m51) and step-mom (f50) have two kids (m16, f18). my mom (f52) and step-dad (m53) also have three kids (f21, f20, m16). they’re all half-siblings technically, but i always regard them as my brothers and sisters. my parents live 1000+ miles apart, so there’s only been twice in my life that i’ve had all my family together. thankfully my parents are on good terms though.
my fiancée (f34) and i are getting married on the sunday of this thanksgiving weekend. the date was decided 2 years ago, and our parents were consulted.
the rehearsal dinner is on friday (two days before the wedding), and is going to be a traditional thanksgiving dinner. this is as important to us as the actual wedding day, because the whole point was this would be the only thanksgiving dinner with all of my parents and siblings together. same thing on my fiancée’s side - she also has a split family and has never had thanksgiving with all of them together.
my father has known this for the past 2 years. he’s taken no real interest in the wedding though - has offered no help, either financially or help planning. a few times he’s even had to ask me to remind him of the wedding date - that probably gives you a sense of how involved he’s been. despite this, i’ve kept him updated throughout the wedding planning.
traditionally the groom’s family hosts the rehearsal dinner, but since my father didn’t offer, we’re hosting. (and i never expected my mother to host since she lives much, much further away from me).
invitations went out to all our guests about 6 weeks ago.
so today my father called to tell me that my sister’s high school graduation is on the same night as my wedding rehearsal, and so they won’t be attending my rehearsal dinner. i was flabbergasted. where i went to school, graduation was always in the summer. he explained that at her school it’s always thanksgiving weekend. i didn’t say anything, i was in such shock. i wanted to shout - “if graduation is always thanksgiving weekend, then why didn’t you tell me this 2 years ago when we were deciding dates!?”
i ended the conversation quickly without saying much more than “thanks for letting me know”. but after processing it, i’m so angry. i feel betrayed. after 2 years of talking about my wedding, how did none of them (my father, step-mother, sister or brother) bring this up before now, after all the invitations have been sent / vendors booked / plans made?
maybe i’m being petty and ridiculous - but since they knew “graduation at her school is always thanksgiving weekend” and said nothing for 2 years about the conflict, it’s their fuck up and they should stick to their commitment of being at the rehearsal dinner. would i be the asshole for asking that they skip my sisters high school graduation ceremony to come to my wedding rehearsal?
| 1,104
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbus8v/wibta_if_i_ask_my_family_to_miss_my_sisters_high/
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2022-06-14 04:06:50
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info: have you googled her school and made sure he’s telling the truth? i have never heard of a graduation thanksgiving weekend. ever. high schools generally only have one ceremony at the end of the school year, if you graduate early you usually don’t walk unless you want to walk with everyone else in may-june. i don’t believe a high school would ever hold a graduation ceremony thanksgiving weekend. the teachers would riot, they would never give up their break.
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you can’t “win” this one.
like many people on this thread, i am wondering what high school graduates at thanksgiving, unless it is an alternative school or an early or late graduation at the end of a term leading into holiday break.
even if the date slipped your dad/stepmom’s minds, wouldn’t they be planning a little party for your sister and invite you as well? clearly, they were not thinking about you and your wedding.
now that it’s out in the open, did they give you firm commitments for your wedding day? is everyone else able to attend the dinner? that is one of the most widely traveled weekends of the year. hopefully they have secured time and transportation.
it seems that you really wanted this get together to happen, and you did your part. i’m sorry they let you down. at this point, you really need to salvage what you can and move forward. don’t let your angry thoughts about those who didn’t show up overpower the joyful thoughts about making a life with your bride and sharing your happiness with those who are present.
try not to waste any more energy on hashing it out with them as their actions have spoken for them. don’t meet any excuses or justifications with fury, ultimatums or dramatic grandstands. sometimes we can’t get the kind of love we want—or at least on on our special calendar day.
you are the lucky one to have found your life partner. you have the power (and maybe now the drive) to keep loving your family, but live your life differently.
congrats on your wedding 💍👰♂️🤵🍗🍗
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info: have you asked your sister when her graduation is being held?
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info: thanksgiving falls in the autumn for all countries that celebrate it, where the heck does the school year end at the time of the year? could your parents be possibly lying about when her graduation is?
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i would find out what school she goes to and call the school and verify that the graduation is truly on thanksgiving weekend. i’ve never heard of a school that did that. but that’s just me i would have to find out for sure if this was the truth. i mean they have known about this for two years.
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yeah, you would be ta. because you're not hurting your parents nor stepparents, you'd be hurting your sister, who is entirely innocent in this. plus, it's just rehearsal. it's not like they are missing the wedding itself. you can reschedule a rehearsal a lot more easily than you can force a high school to reschedule a graduation ceremony.
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the weird timing of the graduation aside, i don't think you can ask or insist that your family miss your sister's high school graduation. keep in mind that like a wedding, a high school graduation is a big milestone in life - and they would be missing your rehearsal dinner, not the wedding itself.
however, i think you're justified in feeling disappointed and frustrated. your father or his family could have mentioned that that date was a problem any time in the past two years.
i think that you should have an honest discussion with your dad. tell him that you're disappointed and this was important to you. maybe he can't miss his daughter's high school graduation, but this dinner was important to you and he did let you down.
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nta. also, he's lying to you. if you are in the us, there no way a school schedules graduation the same week as thanksgiving because too many people travel. the semester wouldn't even be over yet. the easiest way to catch the lie is just to text your sister.
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most people here seem to think your dad is lying but if you’re from canada, i understand the graduation in the fall bc some schools in ontario have done that and i always thought it was weird bc mine had ours in june. also, our thanksgiving is in october so it’s usually a 4 day weekend with friday and monday off so i’d understand a grad ceremony taking place on the friday since there would be no school/work. overall, you’re nta, your dad is and anyone else from your family who knew your rehearsal dinner and wedding date for 2 years and didn’t bother to tell you about how your sister’s school does graduation.
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yes, yes you would.
you’re not coming from a collaborative place in the hopes that both you and your sister’s needs are met. you’re trying to punish your parent and using your younger sibling as collateral. that’s fucked up.
|
INFO
| null |
INFO
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INFO
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.176363
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (m28) parents have never been together in my lifetime. my dad (m51) and step-mom (f50) have two kids (m16, f18). my mom (f52) and step-dad (m53) also have three kids (f21, f20, m16). they’re all half-siblings technically, but i always regard them as my brothers and sisters. my parents live 1000+ miles apart, so there’s only been twice in my life that i’ve had all my family together. thankfully my parents are on good terms though. my fiancée (f34) and i are getting married on the sunday of this thanksgiving weekend. the date was decided 2 years ago, and our parents were consulted. the rehearsal dinner is on friday (two days before the wedding), and is going to be a traditional thanksgiving dinner. this is as important to us as the actual wedding day, because the whole point was this would be the only thanksgiving dinner with all of my parents and siblings together. same thing on my fiancée’s side - she also has a split family and has never had thanksgiving with all of them together. my father has known this for the past 2 years. he’s taken no real interest in the wedding though - has offered no help, either financially or help planning. a few times he’s even had to ask me to remind him of the wedding date - that probably gives you a sense of how involved he’s been. despite this, i’ve kept him updated throughout the wedding planning. traditionally the groom’s family hosts the rehearsal dinner, but since my father didn’t offer, we’re hosting. (and i never expected my mother to host since she lives much, much further away from me). invitations went out to all our guests about 6 weeks ago. so today my father called to tell me that my sister’s high school graduation is on the same night as my wedding rehearsal, and so they won’t be attending my rehearsal dinner. i was flabbergasted. where i went to school, graduation was always in the summer. he explained that at her school it’s always thanksgiving weekend. i didn’t say anything, i was in such shock. i wanted to shout - “if graduation is always thanksgiving weekend, then why didn’t you tell me this 2 years ago when we were deciding dates!?” i ended the conversation quickly without saying much more than “thanks for letting me know”. but after processing it, i’m so angry. i feel betrayed. after 2 years of talking about my wedding, how did none of them (my father, step-mother, sister or brother) bring this up before now, after all the invitations have been sent / vendors booked / plans made? maybe i’m being petty and ridiculous - but since they knew “graduation at her school is always thanksgiving weekend” and said nothing for 2 years about the conflict, it’s their fuck up and they should stick to their commitment of being at the rehearsal dinner. would i be the asshole for asking that they skip my sisters high school graduation ceremony to come to my wedding rehearsal?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (m28) parents have never been together in my lifetime. my dad (m51) and step-mom (f50) have two kids (m16, f18). my mom (f52) and step-dad (m53) also have three kids (f21, f20, m16). they’re all half-siblings technically, but i always regard them as my brothers and sisters. my parents live 1000+ miles apart, so there’s only been twice in my life that i’ve had all my family together. thankfully my parents are on good terms though. my fiancée (f34) and i are getting married on the sunday of this thanksgiving weekend. the date was decided 2 years ago, and our parents were consulted. the rehearsal dinner is on friday (two days before the wedding), and is going to be a traditional thanksgiving dinner. this is as important to us as the actual wedding day, because the whole point was this would be the only thanksgiving dinner with all of my parents and siblings together. same thing on my fiancée’s side - she also has a split family and has never had thanksgiving with all of them together. my father has known this for the past 2 years. he’s taken no real interest in the wedding though - has offered no help, either financially or help planning. a few times he’s even had to ask me to remind him of the wedding date - that probably gives you a sense of how involved he’s been. despite this, i’ve kept him updated throughout the wedding planning. traditionally the groom’s family hosts the rehearsal dinner, but since my father didn’t offer, we’re hosting. (and i never expected my mother to host since she lives much, much further away from me). invitations went out to all our guests about 6 weeks ago. so today my father called to tell me that my sister’s high school graduation is on the same night as my wedding rehearsal, and so they won’t be attending my rehearsal dinner. i was flabbergasted. where i went to school, graduation was always in the summer. he explained that at her school it’s always thanksgiving weekend. i didn’t say anything, i was in such shock. i wanted to shout - “if graduation is always thanksgiving weekend, then why didn’t you tell me this 2 years ago when we were deciding dates!?” i ended the conversation quickly without saying much more than “thanks for letting me know”. but after processing it, i’m so angry. i feel betrayed. after 2 years of talking about my wedding, how did none of them (my father, step-mother, sister or brother) bring this up before now, after all the invitations have been sent / vendors booked / plans made? maybe i’m being petty and ridiculous - but since they knew “graduation at her school is always thanksgiving weekend” and said nothing for 2 years about the conflict, it’s their fuck up and they should stick to their commitment of being at the rehearsal dinner. would i be the asshole for asking that they skip my sisters high school graduation ceremony to come to my wedding rehearsal? [/INST] info: have you googled her school and made sure he’s telling the truth? i have never heard of a graduation thanksgiving weekend. ever. high schools generally only have one ceremony at the end of the school year, if you graduate early you usually don’t walk unless you want to walk with everyone else in may-june. i don’t believe a high school would ever hold a graduation ceremony thanksgiving weekend. the teachers would riot, they would never give up their break. </s>
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AITA if I back out of being maid of honor at my best friends wedding next weekend? Best man is my ex fiancé who cheated on me and I can't be around him let alone walk arm in arm with him.
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jump into the worst week of my life. i was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for august. refused a job offer so could move with him for his next air force assignment. monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she's reaching out to old clients because she's back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying) i text back she must have wrong number. she says she doesn't. in a moment of brains i pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. i'm such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years.
i confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises to change. i consider it for half a second and say no. cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of std tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who i loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on.
and on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. groom doesn't want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she'll "make it up to me."
i've never hated a human being as much as i hate him. i can't be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. i understand the whole wedding doesn't need to fall apart because i'm upset. so i just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over percocets from my wisdom teeth operation, fucking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his shit.
woukd i be the asshole if i back out of the wedding?
| 19,724
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkpb4c/aita_if_i_back_out_of_being_maid_of_honor_at_my/
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2019-05-04 20:16:02
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info when did this all happen? if it's just happened recently and you can't face it i don't think you're an arse. if it happened 6 months ago then yeah.
can the bride not switch you up to walk with another groomsman or walk separately?
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nta, she can not and will not ever make it up to you for putting you through that.
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nta (the ex is), since . believe it or not, the wedding is still legally valid even if the couple has to promote a bridesmaid and ends up short one.
also, the couple is putting you in this position by not demoting the ex or kicking him out of the wedding party. why is it you, the wronged party, who has to sacrifice? i am not quite ready to call them ta, but they are nearer that line than you.
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nah.
you backing out of the wedding will be an inconvenience for your friends, but that can be solved. ex bf sucks, but he doesn't have to miss his friend's wedding. you don't have to tolerate his presence.
i personally think you should go to the wedding and have a good time there. ask to be paired with someone else. bring a hot date if you can (petty, but will keep you entertained). your ex is part of your friends lives, this won't be the last time you see him. you will not be an asshole if you don't participate though. i hope things get better for you in the future, op.
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nah
but honestly i think you should go. don't let this asshole take you away from having a great time at your best friend's wedding.
smile, laugh, look your hottest even if it kills you inside. don't drink because alcohol + emotional wreck = trouble.
happiness is the best revenge. so go to your best friend's wedding, party, have a blast and don't even look at, talk to, or worry about this loser.
reddit believes in you!
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nta because this literally happened last week. that’s a really fresh wound, i wouldn’t go either.
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nta can the groom demote the not so "best man"? especially since he's the piece of work spore that cheated? i mean, i don't envy any of the bridesmaids having to walk with this soggy, gnat-encrusted lampshade, but why should you lose your position of honor?
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nta
but, you should still go anyway. it sucks. but it’s your best friend. you’ll regret not going, i promise that much. ask to walk with someone else and tell her to make sure he gets the message he’s not to even try approaching you at the wedding. and like someone else said, try and bring a hot date. fuck it who cares if it’s “petty,” you’ll have something to take your mind off things.
i think the groom is a bit of an asshole for not kicking his friend out tbh. he’s about to get married and he’s going to have as his best man, someone who’s been cheating on his fiancé with fucking call girls? lol yeah pillar of commitment and exactly who you want supporting you on your wedding day dude. i’d 100% kick my best friend out if she did that, its not the kind of person i’d want on my life either.
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nta. something similar happened with my brothers wedding, only it was a bridesmaid cheating. she was kicked out of the wedding party/event and i stepped in to make up the numbers.
i can’t believe the groom wants this idiot standing by him when he gets married, if my friend did this i’d kick them to the curb.
they can fill your spot - but will you regret not seeing your best friend get married. ask to walk with someone else, be seated away from him and demand that he not talk, look or be near you at all. hell i think he should be made to leave after the meal if they don’t kick him out straight away.
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nta. how will she make it up to you? give you an anti heartbreak potion? there is just one thing she can do to make it up to you... uninvite the best man. but they don't want to do this so the next best thing would be to just let you stay home and gather after their honeymoon to celebrate
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.013266
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: jump into the worst week of my life. i was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for august. refused a job offer so could move with him for his next air force assignment. monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she's reaching out to old clients because she's back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying) i text back she must have wrong number. she says she doesn't. in a moment of brains i pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. i'm such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years. i confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises to change. i consider it for half a second and say no. cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of std tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who i loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on. and on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. groom doesn't want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she'll "make it up to me." i've never hated a human being as much as i hate him. i can't be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. i understand the whole wedding doesn't need to fall apart because i'm upset. so i just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over percocets from my wisdom teeth operation, fucking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his shit. woukd i be the asshole if i back out of the wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
jump into the worst week of my life. i was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for august. refused a job offer so could move with him for his next air force assignment. monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she's reaching out to old clients because she's back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying) i text back she must have wrong number. she says she doesn't. in a moment of brains i pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. i'm such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years. i confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises to change. i consider it for half a second and say no. cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of std tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who i loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on. and on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. groom doesn't want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she'll "make it up to me." i've never hated a human being as much as i hate him. i can't be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. i understand the whole wedding doesn't need to fall apart because i'm upset. so i just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over percocets from my wisdom teeth operation, fucking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his shit. woukd i be the asshole if i back out of the wedding? [/INST] info when did this all happen? if it's just happened recently and you can't face it i don't think you're an arse. if it happened 6 months ago then yeah. can the bride not switch you up to walk with another groomsman or walk separately? </s>
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AITA for telling my future MIL no one gives a shit about her hurt feelings; her husband is not coming to our wedding?
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i know the title is pretty bad, so just hold onto your judgment for a moment.
my fiancé's "kevin"' parents split when he was 12. his dad had been cheating with a friend of his mother's. i'm going to call his mom "lucy" obviously that is a horrible thing to go through and in general i hate cheaters.
the dad got every other weekend, and lucy got primary custody. like with a lot of divorced parents he was disney dad. his house was all fun and games and kevin began preferring his dad and stepmom and complaining that lucy was boring. to be fair i don't think lucy was a bad parent. she was doing the normal parenting stuff kids don't like, but she is a bit in love with her job and put that before kevin. lucy also tried to guilt him for liking his stepmom.
when he was 13 lucy began dating mark. right off the bat mark was calling kevin spoiled and ungrateful and telling him how badly he hurt lucy when he rejected her. this went on for a year and finally mark overheard kevin talking back to lucy and packed him up and drove him to his dad's house. to be this is totally fucked up. yes, he was hurtful to his mom, but he was also a child. she was an adult and should have found a way to handle it.
lucy has shown no remorse for allowing mark to do this. they got married shortly after and kevin refused to go to the wedding. they've been married 15 years now and it is clear she loves him 1000x more than her son.
kevin and i are getting married and he decided he didn't want mark there. i warned him that it was considered bad etiquette, and he might get some shit from family but i will back him 100%. lucy called us very upset and said we couldn't invite her without her husband of 15 years and we are disrespectful and immature. kevin handled it that time.
she got even madder when she found out his stepmom will be there. lucy has had family members guilt trip us over not inviting mark. she called last night and asked to discuss it. she teared up and said how badly her ex and kevin hurt her, and she feels mark is the only person who truly loves her. kevin was starting to feel bad, so i told her what it says in the title and that she is a shit mom who chose a man and her feelings over her kid. lucy simply said she would not be coming and hung up.
lucy's parents and her sister have been calling us since that conversation and saying i'm awful for how i talked to her and now that we are all adults, we should see her side of it more.
| 5,260
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r4eis2/aita_for_telling_my_future_mil_no_one_gives_a/
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2021-11-28 21:12:32
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esh. kevin sounds like he was a bratty kid with behavior egged on by his father and stepmother.
it's interesting that kevin is completely okay with his father -- who cheated on his mother and broke up the family, and was a disney dad, after all this time.
i think that lucy sounds like she's better off with her new family. the pain of being cheated on by your partner only to have your child outright prefer the person who hurt you is a lot to process and deal with. it sounds like she didn't handle things well either.
and you seem melodramatic and unkind.
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so, to be clear.
lucy was cheated on.
she was “a bit in love with her job”, aka, she was a single parent trying to provide for her son after a devastating betrayal.
her son was a spoiled brat who hated dealing with discipline and responsibility, so off he went to live with his equally spoiled dad.
now, spoiled son doesn’t want to invite his mom’s husband, the one person who has supported her through the years, because he got called out on being a brat 15 years ago.
is that right? yta. kevin’s an asshole. basically, everyone is an asshole except for lucy and mark.
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oh god, i feel a bit like there are multiple ahs here and none of them are lucy.
this is how your story plays out to me:
a single mother that works every hour that god sends to feed her child as a primary custodian gets treated like sh!t by said child because cheating darling daddy makes it rain, and he has no understanding of the costs of raising a child and running a home on a single wage.
single mother finds new man that treats her the way she deserves. new man tried to discipline his definitely spoiled stepson for being disrespectful to his mother and said spoiled stepson never really grows up. instead grows up hero worshipping daddy-the-cheat and the home wrecker he cheated with.
history repeats itself. hope you’re getting a prenup.
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yta
you don’t know anything about your husband’s and mil’s relationship other than what your husband tells you, so let him deal with his mother and you mind your own business. the fact that you steamrolled over the possibility of reconciliation when your husband was softening his heart is so gross.
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
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yta.
wow. sure, your husband was a kid then. but he hasn’t matured at all into someone who can recognize how much his mom did for him, what a crappy parent his dad was to cheat on his mom and be a disney parent, or respect that what he said was so over the top cruel that it’s a given that mark would protect his wife by giving her some distance from her very toxic, misogynistic, emotionally abusive son.
you also seem to subscribe to some of those ideas, based on the fact that you’re only really replying to people who are trying to defend lucy for being career-oriented.
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what exactly did your lovely fiance say to his mother to have his bags packed and shipped to dad’s house? i doubt he complained about doing dishes. you said it was hurtful.
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esh
it seems like kevin's mum was just trying to be a good parent and raise her son, while the cheating dad got to be the 'fun' parent. excusing his actions as 'just being a child' is discounting the fact that he was a dick to his mum, who was just trying to do the best she could.
lucy and mark suck for shipping him off, but it was his father they sent him to, which he'd likely expressed wanting at times.
you suck for what you said. you don't know how she was as a parent, you're basing everything on one side that is biased. you're also happy to invite a cheater and his mistress. the cheater chose a woman over his family too so he's not much better.
if kevin is happy to lose his mum forever, then sure. don't invite her husband.
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esh except for lucy and her husband.
13 is not "just a child". and i fail to see how packing him up and taking him to funtime dad, who he preferred, was a bad thing?
it is clear she loves her husband more than her son? if her son kept favoring her ex and the wife nee affair partner, over and over again, i don't blame her. after a point you just can't get hurt anymore.
and having the wife nee affair partner at the wedding? ouch.
hey, at least you and your partner will have the wedding you want with the people you want there - funtime dad and wife nee affair partner. so i don't know what the problem is.
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| 0.015625
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title is pretty bad, so just hold onto your judgment for a moment. my fiancé's "kevin"' parents split when he was 12. his dad had been cheating with a friend of his mother's. i'm going to call his mom "lucy" obviously that is a horrible thing to go through and in general i hate cheaters. the dad got every other weekend, and lucy got primary custody. like with a lot of divorced parents he was disney dad. his house was all fun and games and kevin began preferring his dad and stepmom and complaining that lucy was boring. to be fair i don't think lucy was a bad parent. she was doing the normal parenting stuff kids don't like, but she is a bit in love with her job and put that before kevin. lucy also tried to guilt him for liking his stepmom. when he was 13 lucy began dating mark. right off the bat mark was calling kevin spoiled and ungrateful and telling him how badly he hurt lucy when he rejected her. this went on for a year and finally mark overheard kevin talking back to lucy and packed him up and drove him to his dad's house. to be this is totally fucked up. yes, he was hurtful to his mom, but he was also a child. she was an adult and should have found a way to handle it. lucy has shown no remorse for allowing mark to do this. they got married shortly after and kevin refused to go to the wedding. they've been married 15 years now and it is clear she loves him 1000x more than her son. kevin and i are getting married and he decided he didn't want mark there. i warned him that it was considered bad etiquette, and he might get some shit from family but i will back him 100%. lucy called us very upset and said we couldn't invite her without her husband of 15 years and we are disrespectful and immature. kevin handled it that time. she got even madder when she found out his stepmom will be there. lucy has had family members guilt trip us over not inviting mark. she called last night and asked to discuss it. she teared up and said how badly her ex and kevin hurt her, and she feels mark is the only person who truly loves her. kevin was starting to feel bad, so i told her what it says in the title and that she is a shit mom who chose a man and her feelings over her kid. lucy simply said she would not be coming and hung up. lucy's parents and her sister have been calling us since that conversation and saying i'm awful for how i talked to her and now that we are all adults, we should see her side of it more.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know the title is pretty bad, so just hold onto your judgment for a moment. my fiancé's "kevin"' parents split when he was 12. his dad had been cheating with a friend of his mother's. i'm going to call his mom "lucy" obviously that is a horrible thing to go through and in general i hate cheaters. the dad got every other weekend, and lucy got primary custody. like with a lot of divorced parents he was disney dad. his house was all fun and games and kevin began preferring his dad and stepmom and complaining that lucy was boring. to be fair i don't think lucy was a bad parent. she was doing the normal parenting stuff kids don't like, but she is a bit in love with her job and put that before kevin. lucy also tried to guilt him for liking his stepmom. when he was 13 lucy began dating mark. right off the bat mark was calling kevin spoiled and ungrateful and telling him how badly he hurt lucy when he rejected her. this went on for a year and finally mark overheard kevin talking back to lucy and packed him up and drove him to his dad's house. to be this is totally fucked up. yes, he was hurtful to his mom, but he was also a child. she was an adult and should have found a way to handle it. lucy has shown no remorse for allowing mark to do this. they got married shortly after and kevin refused to go to the wedding. they've been married 15 years now and it is clear she loves him 1000x more than her son. kevin and i are getting married and he decided he didn't want mark there. i warned him that it was considered bad etiquette, and he might get some shit from family but i will back him 100%. lucy called us very upset and said we couldn't invite her without her husband of 15 years and we are disrespectful and immature. kevin handled it that time. she got even madder when she found out his stepmom will be there. lucy has had family members guilt trip us over not inviting mark. she called last night and asked to discuss it. she teared up and said how badly her ex and kevin hurt her, and she feels mark is the only person who truly loves her. kevin was starting to feel bad, so i told her what it says in the title and that she is a shit mom who chose a man and her feelings over her kid. lucy simply said she would not be coming and hung up. lucy's parents and her sister have been calling us since that conversation and saying i'm awful for how i talked to her and now that we are all adults, we should see her side of it more. [/INST] esh. kevin sounds like he was a bratty kid with behavior egged on by his father and stepmother. it's interesting that kevin is completely okay with his father -- who cheated on his mother and broke up the family, and was a disney dad, after all this time. i think that lucy sounds like she's better off with her new family. the pain of being cheated on by your partner only to have your child outright prefer the person who hurt you is a lot to process and deal with. it sounds like she didn't handle things well either. and you seem melodramatic and unkind. </s>
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AITA for being too heavy a sleeper? It bothers my husband, now that we are about to have a baby.
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so i've always slept like a rock. i'm the oldest of 9 siblings and my family didn't have a lot of money and we always were packed into small apartments. i can sleep through anything, kids screaming or babies crying, fighting, car alarms, sirens, noisy neighbors, anything. lights don't bother me either.
i joined the navy right out of high school too, and that made me even more ready to catch some solid zzzs whenever possible. made me sleep through jostling and rocking too, since i had to get used to sleeping on rough seas and in tight quarters
my husband is a very light sleeper.
we are pregnant now. my husband has been getting frustrated with me for how heavily i sleep. he's worried that when we have our baby i'll be dead to the world and he'll have more responsibilities
a few things that worried him were...
he had his brother over and they had a small fire in the kitchen when they were cooking. i was taking a nap and the smoke alarm didn't wake me up. luckily they put it out quickly but he was really worried that if i was alone with our baby i'd not notice the smoke alarm. i suggested we get a louder one or see if we can set up the sort that calls the fire department automatically.
next, i was home alone and went to bed. he lost his keys on a night out with friends and was banging on the door, ringing the bell, and calling my phone, the landline phone, etc. i stayed asleep. he went to sleep at his friends spare room instead. he said that we needed to do something before the baby comes because if i'm asleep and there is an emergency, i'll be unreachable. i said maybe he should hide some spare keys in the yard to avoid this issue. he felt i was missing the point
lastly, we were taking a weekend trip to visit his family. we were sleeping in the room next to his sister who has newborn twins. apparently when i was asleep the twins both started crying and it was super loud through the thin walls. i didn't stir at all and he realized that when we have our baby i probably won't be woken by crying in the night. i said that maybe we could get a baby monitor and crank the volume up extra high, or he could just give me a shake.
he said i was missing the point again, it is a problem that for 8 or more hours a day i'm totally dead to the world and unreachable. and that i need to "fix it" before i'm a parent or else he's going to feel like he can't count on me to be there for our baby, or to be responsive in an emergency.
i said that i was trying to find ways to work around my heavy sleeping like getting a louder fire alarm or hooking up a baby monitor to some loud speakers to amplify it.
he said he can't live in a house where every sound is turned up to 11 and i needed to do something else.
i don't know what to do, i don't think i can just start sleeping less well? i've always been a sound sleeper and unbothered by noise and light because i've never had a quiet dark place to sleep until i was like 25.
aita for being so heavy a sleeper?
| 2,697
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qpmvc0/aita_for_being_too_heavy_a_sleeper_it_bothers_my/
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2021-11-08 20:50:32
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nah i too grew up with lots of siblings and am a very heavy sleeper. as soon as my kids kids were born, while i would not wake up for anything else the sound of their cries had me up in seconds.
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nah, as a new mum to a 4 week old let me assure you that you will wake up!
i have slept through hotel evacuations, fire alarms, locked out drunk housemates, screaming kids, plane flights - you name it, i’ve slept through it all! but now, when she stirs i’m awake. even if she’s not crying, just babbling. you really do become attuned to it, it’s scientific, not junk ‘magic’ old wives tales.
your hormones will literally change the way you respond, and your boobs will become engorged and be painful every 2-4 hours no matter what.
he’s not wrong to worry but you can literally do nothing about it until your body changes. he should concentrate on what he can control and learn and figure out himself.
congratulations, it’s exhausting but amazing and seriously, from one grave sleeper to another - you will wake up! :)
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i'm going to go with nah but you're verging on being the asshole. i get it, this is something that you haven't yet found a solution for, but it isn't completely outwith your control. and your husband is absolutely correct, with a baby on the way it is imperative that you figure something out that means you will be awake in the event of an emergency occurring.
you have offered some solutions, like making things louder, but i think you need to actually put them in action now to see if they work before the baby arrives. get the loudest baby monitor you can find on the market, set it up in what will be the baby's room and have your phone next to the monitor with your alarm set. see if the alarm coming through the monitor wakes you up. if it does, brilliant, you found the solution and you and your husband can stop stressing over these hypotheticals. if it doesn't work, time to try something else, like seeing a professional sleep therapist.
you're bordering on asshole behavior because your husband has a legitimate fear and you should be trying to alleviate that fear by putting a plan into action now, rather than waiting for the stress of the baby to arrive to figure it out then. remember - your husband's concern is coming from a place of fearing for yours and his child's safety. wishing you both the best of luck!!
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nta, you're trying to find solutions and he just wants the problem to not exist. he's being childish.
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nta. i have no idea how you can be considered an ah for the way you sleep which you don’t even control but here we are???
it is possible this will partly change after you give birth. i was far more alert at night after giving birth and i’m not the only one i know with the same experience.
if it doesn’t, i don’t think you should be forced to have unrestful sleep all the time when you’ll already be sleep deprived from a baby and be healing from birth. it’s also ridiculous he wants you to fix it but rejects your solutions like things being louder. i’m not sure how he expects you to change something you don’t control.
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info:
op, in the past how have you successfully woken yourself for school, work, military training, early doctor's appointments, etc?
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nah. he is correct to be concerned. my ex had sleep apnea and his unwillingness to treat it led to the end of our marriage. it is a nightmare being married to someone who won't wake up.
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info: your husband has totally valid concerns and you're not really addressing them. how do you plan to take care of an infant, who requires feeding throughout the night, if you won't wake up to hear them cry? are you just going to rely on him shaking you awake? does that actually wake you up? or are you impossible to rise even with physical contact?
if a literal fire alarm going off doesn't wake up up, a baby crying through a baby monitor certainly isn't going to.
and as an aside, a fire alarm that automatically dials 911 is not going to save your baby as fast as you should be able to take them out of the burning house well before 911 arrives.
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nah.
i can understand your husband's worries and it's not your fault for being a heavy sleeper.
what baffles me is that you come with suggestions and he shoots them down and demands you ' fix it'.
well your sleep behaviour might change when you become a parent..... or it doesn't.
your heavy sleeping might be something medically but maybe not.
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nah. that's not to say it isn't a problem if this continues after the baby is born. however, i wouldn't panic yet. it's a lot harder to sleep through the cry of your own baby than it is a lot of other things, and your hormones will be changing quite a bit and that will affect your sleeping as well.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.079057
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i've always slept like a rock. i'm the oldest of 9 siblings and my family didn't have a lot of money and we always were packed into small apartments. i can sleep through anything, kids screaming or babies crying, fighting, car alarms, sirens, noisy neighbors, anything. lights don't bother me either. i joined the navy right out of high school too, and that made me even more ready to catch some solid zzzs whenever possible. made me sleep through jostling and rocking too, since i had to get used to sleeping on rough seas and in tight quarters my husband is a very light sleeper. we are pregnant now. my husband has been getting frustrated with me for how heavily i sleep. he's worried that when we have our baby i'll be dead to the world and he'll have more responsibilities a few things that worried him were... he had his brother over and they had a small fire in the kitchen when they were cooking. i was taking a nap and the smoke alarm didn't wake me up. luckily they put it out quickly but he was really worried that if i was alone with our baby i'd not notice the smoke alarm. i suggested we get a louder one or see if we can set up the sort that calls the fire department automatically. next, i was home alone and went to bed. he lost his keys on a night out with friends and was banging on the door, ringing the bell, and calling my phone, the landline phone, etc. i stayed asleep. he went to sleep at his friends spare room instead. he said that we needed to do something before the baby comes because if i'm asleep and there is an emergency, i'll be unreachable. i said maybe he should hide some spare keys in the yard to avoid this issue. he felt i was missing the point lastly, we were taking a weekend trip to visit his family. we were sleeping in the room next to his sister who has newborn twins. apparently when i was asleep the twins both started crying and it was super loud through the thin walls. i didn't stir at all and he realized that when we have our baby i probably won't be woken by crying in the night. i said that maybe we could get a baby monitor and crank the volume up extra high, or he could just give me a shake. he said i was missing the point again, it is a problem that for 8 or more hours a day i'm totally dead to the world and unreachable. and that i need to "fix it" before i'm a parent or else he's going to feel like he can't count on me to be there for our baby, or to be responsive in an emergency. i said that i was trying to find ways to work around my heavy sleeping like getting a louder fire alarm or hooking up a baby monitor to some loud speakers to amplify it. he said he can't live in a house where every sound is turned up to 11 and i needed to do something else. i don't know what to do, i don't think i can just start sleeping less well? i've always been a sound sleeper and unbothered by noise and light because i've never had a quiet dark place to sleep until i was like 25. aita for being so heavy a sleeper?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i've always slept like a rock. i'm the oldest of 9 siblings and my family didn't have a lot of money and we always were packed into small apartments. i can sleep through anything, kids screaming or babies crying, fighting, car alarms, sirens, noisy neighbors, anything. lights don't bother me either. i joined the navy right out of high school too, and that made me even more ready to catch some solid zzzs whenever possible. made me sleep through jostling and rocking too, since i had to get used to sleeping on rough seas and in tight quarters my husband is a very light sleeper. we are pregnant now. my husband has been getting frustrated with me for how heavily i sleep. he's worried that when we have our baby i'll be dead to the world and he'll have more responsibilities a few things that worried him were... he had his brother over and they had a small fire in the kitchen when they were cooking. i was taking a nap and the smoke alarm didn't wake me up. luckily they put it out quickly but he was really worried that if i was alone with our baby i'd not notice the smoke alarm. i suggested we get a louder one or see if we can set up the sort that calls the fire department automatically. next, i was home alone and went to bed. he lost his keys on a night out with friends and was banging on the door, ringing the bell, and calling my phone, the landline phone, etc. i stayed asleep. he went to sleep at his friends spare room instead. he said that we needed to do something before the baby comes because if i'm asleep and there is an emergency, i'll be unreachable. i said maybe he should hide some spare keys in the yard to avoid this issue. he felt i was missing the point lastly, we were taking a weekend trip to visit his family. we were sleeping in the room next to his sister who has newborn twins. apparently when i was asleep the twins both started crying and it was super loud through the thin walls. i didn't stir at all and he realized that when we have our baby i probably won't be woken by crying in the night. i said that maybe we could get a baby monitor and crank the volume up extra high, or he could just give me a shake. he said i was missing the point again, it is a problem that for 8 or more hours a day i'm totally dead to the world and unreachable. and that i need to "fix it" before i'm a parent or else he's going to feel like he can't count on me to be there for our baby, or to be responsive in an emergency. i said that i was trying to find ways to work around my heavy sleeping like getting a louder fire alarm or hooking up a baby monitor to some loud speakers to amplify it. he said he can't live in a house where every sound is turned up to 11 and i needed to do something else. i don't know what to do, i don't think i can just start sleeping less well? i've always been a sound sleeper and unbothered by noise and light because i've never had a quiet dark place to sleep until i was like 25. aita for being so heavy a sleeper? [/INST] nah i too grew up with lots of siblings and am a very heavy sleeper. as soon as my kids kids were born, while i would not wake up for anything else the sound of their cries had me up in seconds. </s>
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AITA for getting a paternity test on my son who doesn’t look like me?
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i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here.
i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy.
when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless.
when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine.
i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child.
i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine.
it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggkfdz/aita_for_getting_a_paternity_test_on_my_son_who/
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2020-05-09 18:11:07
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yta. she is absolutely not over reacting. you not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child. i mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children? it’s not always a perfect mocha mixture of both parents. you may get that, you may get a kid who is white as a vampire or as dark as wesley snipes. you really need to suck it up and beg for forgiveness and then you need to fix that ignorant way of thinking that you have. your son is going to need you. being a black man in this world is not easy.
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my biggest problem with your whole story is this:
>she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were.
>
>i still took care of him.
which entirely contradicts this:
>i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me.
you didn't treat your children equally. for five years a significant part of you believed your son wasn't yours. you really think that didn't affect your parenting? your son is young enough that you'll probably be able to undo any damage, but you're refusing to accept that it had any effect on your parenting when it clearly did.
no, you shouldn't have doubted your wife. but most of all, this suspicion of yours that was based on nothing except his skin colour (which might very well lighten a bit when he grows up, btw, maybe your wife was darker when she was a baby) affected the way you treated your son. that's what makes yta. your child didn't do anything to deserve that. you should feel guilty for treating him so unfairly and you should accept your wife's criticism of you, because she's not overreacting. this might wreck your marriage because it goes to the heart of a very basic trust that needs to exist between you and your wife as partners, but also between you and your wife as parents. she needs to be able to trust that you won't love your daughter and hate your son, just because you see more of yourself in your daughter.
you should try to repair the damage you did. admit your faults and you might have a chance of keeping your family together.
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yta - if you had doubts to the point where your relationship with your child is being affected, why did you wait 2 years to do so? instead, for 2 years you let skin color become a barrier between you and your son. not only that, but it also made you doubt your wife. there's so much online you could have used to educate yourself about genetics, you could have easily learned that white and black isn't going to make mocha 100% of the time. additionally, when you decided to get a paternity test, why did you not tell your wife? why didn't you just tell her that you wanted ease of mind? also, did it ever occur to you to discuss any of your feelings with her at all?
side note, your side of the family is shitty. they didn't bond with your daughter better because they knew she was yours, it was because she was lightskin and your son was not.
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you married a black woman and for some reason got confused one of your children ended up black, please take a hs level biology course, something. yta.
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yta. yeah, your marriage is over. you neglected your son for years because you couldn't be bothered to do some research on genetics and just assumed your mixed race kids would automatically look like the stereotype in your head. it was racist and paranoid and also led you to be a bad father. why would she still want to be married to you?
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yta.
1. if you had suspicions, you should have discussed with your wife first. you went behind her back to get a paternity test, which is definitely a big no in my view.
2. you waited so long to clear your suspicions, you did not bond with your son, thereby making him feel left out.
3. before resolving your suspicions, you went for a second kid. your oldest must have clearly felt his father showing differences in how he treats his two kids.
4. you felt guilty of your actions and revealed the test to your wife. if you were really that self righteous, you would have not gone behind her back. now you clearly disrupted your wife’s trust too. i don’t think she will ever forgive you for that.
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yta. you let yourself fester quietly for five years and (whether you realize it or not) likely hurt your wife and son in the process, then got the paternity test done in secret after your daughter came out looking like every hollywood mixed baby. whether you did it knowingly or not, the idea that the lighter-colored child was not only yours but proof that your darker-skinned son is someone else's kid is rooted in racist ideology. yta for so far refusing to do the introspection necessary to figure this one out.
you're also ta for the way you're dismissing your wife's response to what you've done and why.
first: instead of being open and honest about your concern from the beginning (with more than "light comments" about the boy's skin color), you kept quiet and essentially punished both your wife and your son with what sounds like a much chillier attitude than the one your daughter got.
second: you got the paternity test done in secret, and only went to your wife after you had made certain whether or not the boy is in fact yours. instead of giving her the chance to prove herself to you, you waited until you could confront or present her with the truth. that's a coward's solution.
third: having already received those results and being relieved to have been wrong about your son, you seem to have expected your wife to immediately share in your joy and have absolutely no upset whatsoever. that isn't fair to her. she's her own human being, and she's just discovered the guy she chose to sleep with, have children with, and marry hasn't trusted her at all these last five years. she has every right to be hurt, and to express that hurt in whatever way she needs to - even if that includes leaving you behind.
fourth: there are a lot of racist stereotypes involving interracial couples. the darker-skinned baby being born to white parents "joke" is only one of them. most if not all of those stereotypes center in on the extremely racist idea that black people are sexually promiscuous, disloyal, and only ever seek to take advantage of white people. it is extremely likely that your wife has been on the receiving end of a lot of comments rooted in those stereotypes - probably a lot more than you will ever know. and now, you've just proven to her that she has no ally in you. you tested your son because he was so much darker than your daughter. you let yourself doubt your wife's loyalty to you for five years rather than trying to have an actual, serious conversation with her. the "man" she chose is no better than anyone else who has ever had a hurtful thing to say about your relationship. do you have any idea the amount of pain and betrayal she has to be feeling right now?
how dare you? truly, honestly, how dare you? how dare you do this and expect her to be okay? how dare you do this and come running to a sea of strangers to validate you when it rightfully blows up in your face? you need to do a good deal of soul searching and find a way to try to make this better - and not for your sake.
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lemme fix that last sentence. "i don't understand why thinking my wife was a cheater for a couple years, not defending her to my family, going behind her back, emotionally distancing from my son while loving my lighter-skin daughter, and ruining wife's perfect image of our relationship to alleviate my own guilt is wrecking my marriage."
i don't know that i would call you racist, but maybe colorism going on in the back of your mind and your friends/family. it sounds more like you are really ignorant of how genetics work, and let your family's gossip sway you into thinking the child could not be yours due to your son coming out a bit darker. you need to give her space so she can calm down while she is thinking all this through. it is also probably shocking to hear colorism is going on in her own household. look up marriage counselors. when your wife is ready to talk, don't make excuses for yourself. let her know you want to fix your marriage and are ready to go to counseling, ask for forgiveness *without* excuses.
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yta. you didn't communicate any of this to your wife until after the fact. you even admitted to being able to bond with your child because you were sure she's yours. that's just terrible for your son. you do realise that everyone can come a little darker or lighter than their parents (genetics as you seem to have learned). you let this build up against a damn baby. major yta. your family is also ta.
you don't even realise what you did
1. doubted your son was yours.
2. doubted your wife was loyal to you.
3. never communicated these doubts to her.
4. let your family also question if the child was yours
5. let the resentment build up until your relief that the next child looked like you
6. waited until the second child to secretly get a paternity test behind your wife's back.
7. confessed all of this after the fact to your wife and expected her not to get mad.
you have so many issues tangled into one situation, i'm not surprised she's looking at you differently.
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hi biracial kid here. my dad was very dark skinned, my mom is very pale. other than full lips and a wide nose i look white.
i have two half sisters. same dark skinned father, different but very pale mothers. my sisters look like light skinned black women.
it's all about genetics my dude...but you...yta here and a racist against your own child.
enjoy your divorce.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here. i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy. when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless. when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine. i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child. i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine. it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here. i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy. when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless. when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine. i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child. i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine. it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita? [/INST] yta. she is absolutely not over reacting. you not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child. i mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children? it’s not always a perfect mocha mixture of both parents. you may get that, you may get a kid who is white as a vampire or as dark as wesley snipes. you really need to suck it up and beg for forgiveness and then you need to fix that ignorant way of thinking that you have. your son is going to need you. being a black man in this world is not easy. </s>
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AITA For purposely stopping my classmate from winning an award and subsequently making her cry?
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this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help.
i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway.
but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend.
i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love.
it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted.
she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway.
i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi.
she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avtmig/aita_for_purposely_stopping_my_classmate_from/
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2019-02-28 17:22:22
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nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this.
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nta. she’s the ugly one here.
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nta- what kind of fucked up mean girls scenario are you living in?
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[removed]
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nta - and here:
>it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me.
that's the real mvp here. this person had the wherewithal and moral fiber to know that you had to be told the truth. however this person is connected to you beyond this situation, this person is the one shining moment in this dark clusterfuck of bullshit.
keep kicking ass.
&#x200b;
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nta
this was obviously a bitch move, but don't expect your peers to side with you.
school will be over soon enough and you'll meet more pleasent people, i can promise you that. things will get better buddy. i'm honestly impressed by your attitude. you seem like a chill guy.
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nta. at all.
you didn't stop her from winning that award, she did that all by herself. she made her bed and now she gets to lie in it.
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nta
you are most definitely not the asshole and i am very sorry that you're dealing with this.
it probably doesn't help a lot now, but as you get older, you will find that girls/women put a lot less stock into looks and a lot more emphasis on things like being kind, trustworthy, respectful, and funny. teenage girls are notoriously shallow.
also, you will very likely love college if you decide to attend. it was so much better than high school for me.
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nta: as a burn survivor (45% of my body) who is heavily scarred, i really am sorry that you had to go through this. i know how you feel, i hate going out into public and having people stare at me. let me just say this, we aren't ugly because of our scars. we are unique. why would you want to fit in anyways? our scars tell a story and we should be proud of them. you fucking own them and hold your head high ❤
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nta - you literally did __*absolutely nothing*__ wrong.
she used you to manipulate people's view of her and falsely win an award and earn credit. honestly, it feels like the bullshit popular girl you'd see exaggerated in a movie. she deserves what's happened (and more if you ask me).
you are a strong, brave and inspiring person who is actually a decent human being and more people should be like you. you didn't seek to embarrass her or insult her or call her out publicly. you merely righted a wrong. i'm sure plenty of other people wouldn't have handled the situation as rationally as you did. i respect you for that. you are certainly not the asshole here.
ps - the friend that sent you the screenshots sounds like a good person. high-five them for me!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied. [/INST] nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this. </s>
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AITA for making my son walk the dog?
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throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post.
my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea.
dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him.
he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog.
the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest.
he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it.
to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once.
in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer.
my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita?
| 15,508
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0mcij/aita_for_making_my_son_walk_the_dog/
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2022-10-10 18:36:16
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yta
so, you are 3 people who want a dog and could care of the dog, but your son who didn't want the dog has to even though you told him, he wouldn't have to.
what you teach your son:
- you are a liar
- it is okay to not take care of own responsibilities
- you punish him intentionally because he isn't you
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dylan: i won’t interact with the dog.
*op buys the dog*
dylan: doesn’t interact with the dog.
op: 👁️👄👁️
by the way, yta.
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let me get this straight.
1. your son doesn’t like sports so it’s “hard for you to connect with him. “
2. he didn’t want a dog but you got one anyway and when he didn’t change his mind you punished him
3. the one hobby you say he does like, comics, you want to ban him from until he shows interest in your hobby.
why do you go so far out of your way to make it clear you have no interest in getting to know your son, you just want to change him into someone who you have things in common with? why not spend some time trying to learn about his interests instead of forcing yours on him? do you really think if you turn the dog into a punishment that will make him not resent the dog?
yta if that wasn’t obvious.
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i just...
yta.
big time.
poor dylan.
7 years and counting, wanna bet?
alex, the heir, the pride and joy with the same likes as you. dylan, the spare, can't click with you because you do not understand him. jake, the baby, again someone you can click with.
dylan situation sounds like the typical overlooked middle child. he is his own person, has not to be your carbon copy to show the world your 'manliness', your prowess between the sheets!
you wore your wife down with weeks of nagging.
then you set your sights on your defenseless child.
he said no, you pressured him, used your position as an authority person to wear him down saying yes to get a dog.
he warned you - your dog, not his problem.
and what are you doing now?
again stomping over him, trampling his boundaries into the dust just because again, he isn't a carbon copy of you?
is his own person?
with his own wants and his own needs?
in future years, when you browse through social media and see a post that he is engaged but he didn't tell you. when you see wedding photos for a wedding you got no invitation too. the birth, the baptism of (a) grandchild(ren) you will never see.
then search for this post.
read it.
and maybe then you will understand that 'no' is a full sentence.
but untill then, the 'lord of the manor' wants a dog, the 'lord of the manor' gets a dog after nagging, cajoling, pressuring wife and middle child into agreeing. but now the 'lord' is pissed that a forced 'yes' is still a 'no'. and again abuses his authority as a parent to pressure said child into behavior the 'lord' deems acceptable.
there are people out there who dislikes dogs, who want a gerbil, a cat, a snake.
there are people out there who are against getting a pet since they know exactly who will have to care for them - not the owner, no, the care will be placed onto their shoulders if they want it or not.
as you are doing now.
but guess what?
there are people out there who know how to help themselves. to stand up for themselve.
how often do you think can you force dylan to try to bond with zeus by walking him? to play with him? to care for him?
how fast comes the day when you come home from work and get informed that dylan walked zeus - as the lord ordered - but sadly zeus got away.
and is nowhere to be found.
and all this just because you can't accept that dylan is not you.
&#x200b;
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yta. huge. to both the dog and your son. he will end up hating animals thanks to you.
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when someone googles "total asshole" i'm guessing your photo pops up first. you're a manipulative husband and a crappy father who doesn't like it when he can't get his own way. yta
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yta and you are telling dylan that you can’t be trusted. he relented and agreed under the promise he would have no responsibility and you misled him and are now punishing him for not doing something that you said he didn’t have to do in the first place. this is gonna have repercussions beyond the dog if you don’t change course, recognize and apologize to your son.
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info why are you so obsessed with dylan not being interested in the dog? he’s not being mean to it or making your life more difficult by not wanting to be around the dog.
>which has always made it hard for me to connect with him
because everything needs to be all about you, what you like, on your terms?
don’t be surprised if your relationship becomes nonexistent when he’s able to move out.
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it cracks me up when people say “throwaway” when 1. nobody knows you so why does that matter? and 2. you just explained the whole story. do you really think your wife won’t be able to figure out that it’s about your family?
yta. unfortunately, i’m a dog lover, but the kid straight up told you he didn’t it want it in the first place and said he wouldn’t be helping with it, and you didn’t deny him of that right then. so you can’t all of a sudden force him to be part of something he told you he had no interest in.
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yta. stop fixing your son. he is not broken, he is different from you and that is a good thing. accept him as he is.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post. my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea. dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him. he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog. the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest. he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it. to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once. in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer. my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post. my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea. dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him. he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog. the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest. he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it. to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once. in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer. my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita? [/INST] yta so, you are 3 people who want a dog and could care of the dog, but your son who didn't want the dog has to even though you told him, he wouldn't have to. what you teach your son: - you are a liar - it is okay to not take care of own responsibilities - you punish him intentionally because he isn't you </s>
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AITA for keeping my home "Too Warm" and not wanting to adjust it for my Boyfriend?
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i (31f) have severe chronic anaemia a result of which is i struggle to keep myself warm and am always cold even with my iron pills and transfusions when my levels drop too low, it sucks but it has become a part of my life i'm used to. i keep my flat at 28c and never have it lower than that as lower is uncomfortable for me and even at 28c i need to have a hoodie and socks on for additional warmth, it means my gas bill is higher than the average person but what can you do?
my boyfriend (30m) attempted to stay overnight for the first time during the weekend and was horrified by the temperature complaining of being too hot constantly and wanting me to turn it down, i apologised but said i really couldn't explaining how it felt painful if i got too cold, for anyone who doesn't suffer as badly as me with anaemia imagine the pins and needles you get when playing in the snow for hours, that's me when my temperature drops too low.
i finally caved and lowered it to 25c throwing on an extra layer and offered him ice water and to give him a desktop fan to try and help him cool down while also staying warm myself but he was clearly uncomfortable and ended up going home at around 1am as he couldn't take it anymore. i was upset by this but didn't try to stop him as if he was that uncomfortable there was no point in him suffering.
on monday he texted me telling me i seriously needed to go to the doctor if i was that cold all the time and i tried to explain i have been to the doctors about this and there isn't much we can do as we don't know what causes my anaemia no matter what tests we run. he has told me that he can't stay overnight if it's going to be that warm and compared my home to a lizards terrarium which i admit hurt a little though i know he likely meant it as a joke. maybe i should have just sucked it up and been cold? i'm cold when outside/in the office/in other peoples homes so why not? i just like my home being a place i can warm up a little though.
maybe i was a rude host? i should have put his needs first.
| 2,995
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u27aev/aita_for_keeping_my_home_too_warm_and_not_wanting/
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2022-04-12 19:30:27
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nah, but you two are not temperature compatible.
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i’m leaning towards nah. 28c is very very hot especially for an indoors temperature so i understand why your boyfriend wouldn’t be able to sleep in that, i know i wouldn’t. however, you have medical conditions that make it necessary, so neither of you are in the wrong.
his comments might have been a bit unnecessary, but they did like you said, seem like a joke.
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nah.
you gotta do what you gotta do, but 28c/82.4f is too fucking hot for normal people. i would not want to spend a single minute in your apartment.
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nah: you have to have the heat that high ot you'll be in pain so no you don't have to adjust the temperature for anyone. but personally i wouldn't be able to sleep or be comfortable in that environment either. so it's understandable your bf left that night.
and while his "joke" was insensitive i understand why he mentioned the doctors because if he didn't know you been to several he's thinking long term because if nothing changes it sounds like living together may be out of the question
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nah. sorry you have to go through this, it does sound awful. you do need to keep warm, so turning the heat down is just not something that is going to happen.
however, i know i couldn't sleep if it's too warm either. i usually set my thermostat to "polar bear".
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nah, but 28c is _really_ warm. i have some family members with circulation issues who are also cold all the time, and keep the temperature near 27c. some summer days i can't stand to be in their place for more than 20 minutes. i keep my place between 20 and 22c.
i sympathize with both of you - i hate being cold, but when it's too warm inside i can start feeling physically ill. my only comment would that be i find it easier to warm up if i'm cold by adding sweaters and blankets; it can be hard to cool down when you're overheated. however, my "too cold" is just a chilly winter day so i definitely believe that it can be painful for you and warming up isn't that simple.
i'm not sure what to suggest but it might be hard to find a comfortable compromise for both of you.
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nah
he left because he wasn’t comfortable and couldn’t get comfortable. i’ve been there - i have a friend that keeps their house at 76f (24c) and that is waaaay too hot for me. i can’t sleep when it’s that hot - i keep my house at 66f (19c) at night.
he wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings by leaving, just like you weren’t trying to make him uncomfortable by keeping your house so warm.
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nah
you're not a rude host if your house is comfortable to you. everyone is allowed to make their space comfortable for them. on the other hand, 28°c is really, really hot, so i can see where your bf was coming from. i don't know if the terrarium comment is necessarily an insult, that's just pretty much the first thing that popped into my mind as well, as someone who's kept tropical pets. "oh, my geckos would love that" it's just a very unusual temperature to intentionally have in one's home.
i don't really know what the solution is here.
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had to look it up - 82f? i was with you, i really was. i also have anemia and keep my temperature around 73 during the day and 70 at night. however, my aunties and grandma keep it like yours. info: do you take iron and copper regular + eat an iron rich diet? doing those small things did wonders.
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nobody is bad here. for most people 28 celcius is just too much for sleep. but you need it.
how about living together but have seperate bedrooms. he can have a small airco in his bedroom and you sleep in a comfortable room for you.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
| null | 0.048498
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (31f) have severe chronic anaemia a result of which is i struggle to keep myself warm and am always cold even with my iron pills and transfusions when my levels drop too low, it sucks but it has become a part of my life i'm used to. i keep my flat at 28c and never have it lower than that as lower is uncomfortable for me and even at 28c i need to have a hoodie and socks on for additional warmth, it means my gas bill is higher than the average person but what can you do? my boyfriend (30m) attempted to stay overnight for the first time during the weekend and was horrified by the temperature complaining of being too hot constantly and wanting me to turn it down, i apologised but said i really couldn't explaining how it felt painful if i got too cold, for anyone who doesn't suffer as badly as me with anaemia imagine the pins and needles you get when playing in the snow for hours, that's me when my temperature drops too low. i finally caved and lowered it to 25c throwing on an extra layer and offered him ice water and to give him a desktop fan to try and help him cool down while also staying warm myself but he was clearly uncomfortable and ended up going home at around 1am as he couldn't take it anymore. i was upset by this but didn't try to stop him as if he was that uncomfortable there was no point in him suffering. on monday he texted me telling me i seriously needed to go to the doctor if i was that cold all the time and i tried to explain i have been to the doctors about this and there isn't much we can do as we don't know what causes my anaemia no matter what tests we run. he has told me that he can't stay overnight if it's going to be that warm and compared my home to a lizards terrarium which i admit hurt a little though i know he likely meant it as a joke. maybe i should have just sucked it up and been cold? i'm cold when outside/in the office/in other peoples homes so why not? i just like my home being a place i can warm up a little though. maybe i was a rude host? i should have put his needs first.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (31f) have severe chronic anaemia a result of which is i struggle to keep myself warm and am always cold even with my iron pills and transfusions when my levels drop too low, it sucks but it has become a part of my life i'm used to. i keep my flat at 28c and never have it lower than that as lower is uncomfortable for me and even at 28c i need to have a hoodie and socks on for additional warmth, it means my gas bill is higher than the average person but what can you do? my boyfriend (30m) attempted to stay overnight for the first time during the weekend and was horrified by the temperature complaining of being too hot constantly and wanting me to turn it down, i apologised but said i really couldn't explaining how it felt painful if i got too cold, for anyone who doesn't suffer as badly as me with anaemia imagine the pins and needles you get when playing in the snow for hours, that's me when my temperature drops too low. i finally caved and lowered it to 25c throwing on an extra layer and offered him ice water and to give him a desktop fan to try and help him cool down while also staying warm myself but he was clearly uncomfortable and ended up going home at around 1am as he couldn't take it anymore. i was upset by this but didn't try to stop him as if he was that uncomfortable there was no point in him suffering. on monday he texted me telling me i seriously needed to go to the doctor if i was that cold all the time and i tried to explain i have been to the doctors about this and there isn't much we can do as we don't know what causes my anaemia no matter what tests we run. he has told me that he can't stay overnight if it's going to be that warm and compared my home to a lizards terrarium which i admit hurt a little though i know he likely meant it as a joke. maybe i should have just sucked it up and been cold? i'm cold when outside/in the office/in other peoples homes so why not? i just like my home being a place i can warm up a little though. maybe i was a rude host? i should have put his needs first. [/INST] nah, but you two are not temperature compatible. </s>
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AITA for “re-doing” food that my boyfriends mother prepares me?
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i have been living with my boyfriend and his family during lockdown. i get on with his family well and have a good rapport with his parents.
one downside of his mother though is her preparation and presentation of food. she loves to be hospitable and really enjoys making food and snacks for people, but i just wouldn’t say it was what i liked. the food is fine but it’s how she makes it. for example she’ll offer to make you a sandwich but will completely butcher it. i mean her way of buttering bread is atrocious. she’ll just leave a huge lump in the middle. i on the other hand prefer to have butter spread on the entirety of the bread surface, so you can see why this bothers me. it sounds weird but i’ve always had a particular way of making my food. mostly i just grin and bear it but if i can i like to go back and redo the sandwich.
i’ve done this for a lot of food she’s made and would normally sneak away to do it, as not to hurt her feelings. another one is i love mustard but she’ll just put a pea sized amount in rather than a bigger dollop that i like.
well yesterday she ended up seeing me redoing a sandwich and got incredibly upset. she asked if i do this for every thing she makes and i told her no but i don’t think she believed me. anyway she’s very upset i haven’t liked her food and now thinks no one else in the house does.
my boyfriend is now annoyed at me calling me an ass for upsetting his mum when she’s been nothing but lovely and hospitable to me. he thinks i should have just turned his mum down point blank and made my own food instead of accepting her offer to make food then changing it. but i just didn’t want to seem rude for denying her but now maybe i think that’s what i should have been doing.
info: my boyfriends mother loves being a hostess and prefers to make everything herself and be the only one in the kitchen. any attempts of making my own food were stopped by her shooing me out the kitchen so she could do it herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| 4,558
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmupd5/aita_for_redoing_food_that_my_boyfriends_mother/
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2020-07-07 13:39:15
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nah. you're both trying to be nice to the other, and no one has lashed out at the other over it. just being upset because she's realized you don't like her food doesn't make her an ah.
that said, yes, make your own food from now on if you're constantly going back and redoing it.
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i don’t understand the people calling you an asshole. she rearranged her sand which to her liking how is that different that adding extra sauce or salt to your plate at dinner?
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nah
your intentions weren't malicious, hers weren't either. you were trying to not hurt feelings and unintentionally did.
either accept the way she makes food and eat it without redoing it or make your own. but i'd definitely apologise for hurting her feelings.
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i'm going with a light yta because your complaints are how she butters bread and uses mustard. these minor things won't kill you and it wouldn't have been impolite to tell her you like more mustard or something, but sneaking off to "fix" things makes it into a whole weird thing.
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nah, seems like both of you are trying to be nice and take each other into consideration. she's making you food, and you are polite to alter it secretly.
now the secret is out, i would suggest just talking it over. im sure you can explain what you like in a polite way, and hopefully she can adjust her style.
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info: why aren’t you making more of your own food? how often is she making you food?
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a dry sandwich will make my sister see red; i can't adequately explain how irrationally *angry* she will become when given a poorly made sandwich.
she does make an exceptional sandwich herself though, she has a small side business.
edit to add nta. she needs to let you feed yourself if she won't take your preferences into consideration. it's not like you're angrily rejecting her food.
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nta, she shouldn’t be so offended
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info: have you ever offered to help her prepare food?
it's not unusual to like things a certain way, but she's not a mind reader. if you're helping her, you can remark on how you like to do things. that lets her know without you having to ask for specifics like she's a short order cook.
i think you should apologize to her, tell her that you were embarrassed to say that you like things your certain way because she's been so kind to you. and offer to help make food going forward. and apologize to your boyfriend for upsetting her.
i don't think you're ta, but you were awkward about this, so it would be good for you to smooth it over.
| null |
NAH
| null |
NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | 0.28793
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been living with my boyfriend and his family during lockdown. i get on with his family well and have a good rapport with his parents. one downside of his mother though is her preparation and presentation of food. she loves to be hospitable and really enjoys making food and snacks for people, but i just wouldn’t say it was what i liked. the food is fine but it’s how she makes it. for example she’ll offer to make you a sandwich but will completely butcher it. i mean her way of buttering bread is atrocious. she’ll just leave a huge lump in the middle. i on the other hand prefer to have butter spread on the entirety of the bread surface, so you can see why this bothers me. it sounds weird but i’ve always had a particular way of making my food. mostly i just grin and bear it but if i can i like to go back and redo the sandwich. i’ve done this for a lot of food she’s made and would normally sneak away to do it, as not to hurt her feelings. another one is i love mustard but she’ll just put a pea sized amount in rather than a bigger dollop that i like. well yesterday she ended up seeing me redoing a sandwich and got incredibly upset. she asked if i do this for every thing she makes and i told her no but i don’t think she believed me. anyway she’s very upset i haven’t liked her food and now thinks no one else in the house does. my boyfriend is now annoyed at me calling me an ass for upsetting his mum when she’s been nothing but lovely and hospitable to me. he thinks i should have just turned his mum down point blank and made my own food instead of accepting her offer to make food then changing it. but i just didn’t want to seem rude for denying her but now maybe i think that’s what i should have been doing. info: my boyfriends mother loves being a hostess and prefers to make everything herself and be the only one in the kitchen. any attempts of making my own food were stopped by her shooing me out the kitchen so she could do it herself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been living with my boyfriend and his family during lockdown. i get on with his family well and have a good rapport with his parents. one downside of his mother though is her preparation and presentation of food. she loves to be hospitable and really enjoys making food and snacks for people, but i just wouldn’t say it was what i liked. the food is fine but it’s how she makes it. for example she’ll offer to make you a sandwich but will completely butcher it. i mean her way of buttering bread is atrocious. she’ll just leave a huge lump in the middle. i on the other hand prefer to have butter spread on the entirety of the bread surface, so you can see why this bothers me. it sounds weird but i’ve always had a particular way of making my food. mostly i just grin and bear it but if i can i like to go back and redo the sandwich. i’ve done this for a lot of food she’s made and would normally sneak away to do it, as not to hurt her feelings. another one is i love mustard but she’ll just put a pea sized amount in rather than a bigger dollop that i like. well yesterday she ended up seeing me redoing a sandwich and got incredibly upset. she asked if i do this for every thing she makes and i told her no but i don’t think she believed me. anyway she’s very upset i haven’t liked her food and now thinks no one else in the house does. my boyfriend is now annoyed at me calling me an ass for upsetting his mum when she’s been nothing but lovely and hospitable to me. he thinks i should have just turned his mum down point blank and made my own food instead of accepting her offer to make food then changing it. but i just didn’t want to seem rude for denying her but now maybe i think that’s what i should have been doing. info: my boyfriends mother loves being a hostess and prefers to make everything herself and be the only one in the kitchen. any attempts of making my own food were stopped by her shooing me out the kitchen so she could do it herself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/INST] nah. you're both trying to be nice to the other, and no one has lashed out at the other over it. just being upset because she's realized you don't like her food doesn't make her an ah. that said, yes, make your own food from now on if you're constantly going back and redoing it. </s>
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AITA for refusing to go with my 16yo/Daughter to her father's funeral?
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my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it.
she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused.
he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do.
edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son**
| 13,122
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/szq7m7/aita_for_refusing_to_go_with_my_16yodaughter_to/
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2022-02-23 19:51:17
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yta. that’s your 16 year old daughter and you’re just not willing to support her doing the hardest thing she will ever do? you’re not a mum. you just gave birth to her.
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yta, i understand that it will be hard for you, but it's harder for her. her dad is dead and she needs her mother. step up.
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yta. *this is not about you*!! this is about your daughter, who wants your support at her other parent's *funeral*. what other moments will you miss because you refuse to be in the same place as her paternal fault? graduation? her wedding? how many times in her 16 years have you forced her to choose between you? get over yourself and go to the damn funeral.
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[removed]
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>i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain
you told your daughter that her need for guidance and support during this tough time is less important than your own comfort, so no wonder she's pissed at you. better she deal with the death of her father on her own than you having to have an awkward conversation with former in-laws, i guess.
yta
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yta. part of being a parent is being uncomfortable so your children can be comfortable.
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info— what kind of illness did he have, and did you divorce *because* he was ill? why? is it more shame that you’re avoiding by not facing his family? because if so, that’s selfish. what you could do to avoid a scene with your ex-in-laws is reach out to them (maybe the young uncle, or whoever you’re on best terms with), give your condolences, explain that your daughter is begging you to go to the funeral to support her, and ask if it’s alright with them to attend to pay your respects and be there for their daughter. throw in a helping hand, even, if you can manage it. it sounds like you have a lot of unresolved grief and guilt about this but being there for your daughter is more important. i’d highly recommend therapy for both of you, it sounds like a lot to process.
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look, let's be honest here. your ex-inlaws aren't going to notice that you're there.
take your daughter, get her to sit up the front, and you sit down the back, out of the way. his funeral is not about you. it's about her. grow up and be a mother.
yta.
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here is the only question that matters. do you love your daughter more than you hate your ex and in-laws?
reevaluate your life choices, love your daughter, and go.
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<<i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it.>>
<<i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do.>>
your daughter's father has died and all you can think about is "me! me! me!" you are an asshole beyond measure. you don't deserve to have a child.
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
| null | null | 0.007141
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it. she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused. he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do. edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it. she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused. he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do. edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son** [/INST] yta. that’s your 16 year old daughter and you’re just not willing to support her doing the hardest thing she will ever do? you’re not a mum. you just gave birth to her. </s>
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AITA for rejecting a girl as revenge?
|
so, to start off, maybe, it was a bit petty of me tbh. anyway, i asked this girl clara out on a date about a year ago. i was a completely different person then, and she turned me down. it stung like hell, but it did encourage me to better myself. since then i've gotten in better shape, became more confident and generally i've had more luck with girls. i still never forgot what made me improve though, and that will always be a shitty memory.
anyway, me and a few friends i've made since last year went out to a gathering. i'm still fairly new in their circle, and surprise! clara was there. i think she recognized me but i wasn't sure. me and her hit it off, and at the end of the night we had a date planned. the date went pretty well and we went on our second one last friday.
after this i went home and thought about where to go next, and i realized i couldn't really forgive her. so, she hit me up asking if we were going out again, and i sort of make a joke of it, blew it off and put her on mute. i haven't responded since then, and our mutual friends say she's been pretty upset, since she gets attached to people quickly, but the revenge i got was so sweet!
but, maybe i was an asshole though, what does reddit think?
| 12,729
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aw4ci0/aita_for_rejecting_a_girl_as_revenge/
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2019-03-01 12:30:13
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yta.
revenge for what? do you think she had some obligation to go on a date with you just because you asked?
not only that, but you organised a date, then flaked and ghosted her?
damn man. that isn't just an asshole, that's like a 'post very hot curry' level of being a raging asshole.
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yta -
1. you have no idea why she turned you down a year ago
2. you admit that you weren’t the same person then and you’re better now - would you now have gone out with you then?
3. you like her, you had a nice date, and now you’re blowing her off? yes, you’re the asshole. you’re also hurting yourself.
4. petty is never a good trait. stop that. you’re better than that.
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yta
she wasn't attracted to you then. you've changed. she is attracted to you now, or has learned to see beyond looks and is attracted to you as a person.
nobody is obliged to go out with someone just because they have a good personality. looks matter and first impressions are often made with looks.
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yta
unless clara somehow brutally rejected you, i don't see why turning down a date offer over a year ago is doing you wrong. it doesn't sound from your description of her that she would have been mean about it.
people change. you changed yourself for the better, possibly to have better luck with girls like clara.
your change worked! until you act like a total dick head to wanting to reject this girl solely because she didn't go on a date with you before your change. if you couldn't forgive her (which shouldn't be even an issue here), don't go on dates with her just to reject her after.
she turned you down a year ago because she just wasn't interested. you're turning her down because you're a petty asshole.
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yta. you really haven't bettered yourself as well as you think you have.
[also, you creeped me the fuck out with your actions and for one reason.](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/a317t3/til_serial_killer_ted_bundy_dated_a_girl_who/)
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yta. a girl turning you down is not revenge-worthy. it's entitled of you to think she wasnt allowed to say no to you without repurcussions. by all means, turn her down now if you aren't attracted to her, but do it properly, don't ghost her and don't act as if rejecting her is some major win for you.
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yta to yourself, you're alone and she had a lucky escape from a petty fuckwit.
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nta
good on you for stopping her from dating a complete asshole
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yta, not because of the reason you dont want to go out with her, but for the way you did it. just tell her the reason!
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yta
she just turned you down, unless she made fun of you back then i don't see any reason for what you did.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
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NTA
|
YTA
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YTA
| 0.024
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, to start off, maybe, it was a bit petty of me tbh. anyway, i asked this girl clara out on a date about a year ago. i was a completely different person then, and she turned me down. it stung like hell, but it did encourage me to better myself. since then i've gotten in better shape, became more confident and generally i've had more luck with girls. i still never forgot what made me improve though, and that will always be a shitty memory. anyway, me and a few friends i've made since last year went out to a gathering. i'm still fairly new in their circle, and surprise! clara was there. i think she recognized me but i wasn't sure. me and her hit it off, and at the end of the night we had a date planned. the date went pretty well and we went on our second one last friday. after this i went home and thought about where to go next, and i realized i couldn't really forgive her. so, she hit me up asking if we were going out again, and i sort of make a joke of it, blew it off and put her on mute. i haven't responded since then, and our mutual friends say she's been pretty upset, since she gets attached to people quickly, but the revenge i got was so sweet! but, maybe i was an asshole though, what does reddit think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, to start off, maybe, it was a bit petty of me tbh. anyway, i asked this girl clara out on a date about a year ago. i was a completely different person then, and she turned me down. it stung like hell, but it did encourage me to better myself. since then i've gotten in better shape, became more confident and generally i've had more luck with girls. i still never forgot what made me improve though, and that will always be a shitty memory. anyway, me and a few friends i've made since last year went out to a gathering. i'm still fairly new in their circle, and surprise! clara was there. i think she recognized me but i wasn't sure. me and her hit it off, and at the end of the night we had a date planned. the date went pretty well and we went on our second one last friday. after this i went home and thought about where to go next, and i realized i couldn't really forgive her. so, she hit me up asking if we were going out again, and i sort of make a joke of it, blew it off and put her on mute. i haven't responded since then, and our mutual friends say she's been pretty upset, since she gets attached to people quickly, but the revenge i got was so sweet! but, maybe i was an asshole though, what does reddit think? [/INST] yta. revenge for what? do you think she had some obligation to go on a date with you just because you asked? not only that, but you organised a date, then flaked and ghosted her? damn man. that isn't just an asshole, that's like a 'post very hot curry' level of being a raging asshole. </s>
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AITA for putting a parental lock on my TV?
|
i (19f) am in college, and i recently moved into an apartment with two of my friends, mary and jane (names changed, both 19f). i have been getting along with mary great, jane, not so much. before we moved in, we figured out that i am the only one who watches cable, so we decided that i would pay for cable and then we would all split the price for the internet. i ended up buying a tv for the living room (all paid for myself) for watching sports and if we would want to host people for games. jane revealed that she wasn’t using the internet. since she wasn’t using it, of course i couldn’t charge her for it, so now me and mary are left paying for it. i did make it clear to jane that she can’t use the internet unless she would start pitching in.
this weekend me and mary went home, and when i came back, i saw someone had been using youtube on my tv this weekend. i knew that it had to be jane. we also came back to the kitchen being a mess (which is a whole other issue). i decided tonight to put a parental lock on the tv. i plan on telling mary the code (even though she never watches tv). i don’t feel that it is right that i am paying for all of this and jane feels that she can use it behind my back. we have confronted her on various problems and every time she gets defensive.
aita for putting a parental lock on the tv so jane can’t watch it? i feel like i could be in the wrong here because i don’t like to seem like i have to parent jane but things are becoming constant problems.
| 666
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x7td5e/aita_for_putting_a_parental_lock_on_my_tv/
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2022-09-07 02:38:25
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info: how is a college student not using internet in 2022? she doesn’t study or do any homework in the apartment?
|
nta. it's a bit weird to have your tv in the common space though if you won't share it.. but you also have no reason to share it if no one paid into its use. maybe you should move it to your own room.
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nta. (though you may want to coin a different term - maybe 'nonuser lock' since this isn't a parenting situation)
if jane isn't using the internet or tv, then she doesn't need the access code for either item. if she even asks you why it is not accessible, you don't have to tell her it's locked. you can simply ask why is she even trying to access it?
i would not give mary the cable code, even though she's being perfectly reasonable. if she's not watching tv, she has no reason to need it either. and it is a lot easier to be generally consistent across roommates. (of course, if mary joins you when you are watching tv, you are free to include her as your guest.)
that addresses the cable tv, but what about the internet. do you have that password secured, with only you and mary knowing it (and both of you safeguarding it from anyone else)? if you are not sure, then you may want to change that password and confirm with mary that she is not/will not share it with anyone, including jane.
again, if jane is truly not using these services, she will never even know that they are now more secure.
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nta, your tv do as you please with it.
but if you think jane is not using the internet that you and mary are paying for and she is not, then you are really gullible. i am sure she has figured out how to use the internet/wifi you pay for. it is actaully fairly easy to figure out what the password is to wifi signals.
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nta — it sounds like jane needs parenting. ;)
seriously, one thing you might do before the parental locks is to bring it up to “jane” that since you notice she has begun to watch tv, maybe she is ready to pay her share. if she denies watching, or refuses to pay, then i think you would be justified in locking her out of the use.
i feel if a roommate doesn’t share in the expense of something on the grounds that she “won’t use it,” then the other roommates have the right to lock them out. it’s too bad they are called “parental locks” instead of “pay your way” locks.
however, i expect jane will be upset and make a fuss, and someone is sure to tell you that if she only watched it once, what did it hurt. there is a whole school of thought out there that believes that if you pay for something you should share with your roommates. i disagree when it comes to regular expenses where someone opted not to contribute because she wouldn’t use the thing. (we’re not talking sharing your iron or the other person’s blender, or something like that.)
|
the fact that you’re willing to give mary the password despite her not chipping in and mentioned the messy kitchen tells me you’re likely feeling a little punitive toward jane.
however….if she’s lying and won’t chip in, but is using it, that’s not cool.
a parental lock isn’t unreasonable. but she’ll know why you did it, and then you’ll have a passive aggressive vibe that will make life even more unpleasant. on a technical basis you’d be nta.
(there are probably better ways to handle it though)
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also change the wifi password if she isn't using it and tell mary the new password
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some may say you’re being petty, but nta. jane doesn’t want to pay for cable/internet or she cannot afford to do so. either way, you’re her roommate not her parent. you’re not financially responsible for her.
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**nta**
your tv & your services. also, how is she ***not*** using the internet? she must have unlimited data but it’s still slow as fuck at times. i’d change the password & make sure the everything is disconnected & reconnect things one at a time.
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nta
your tv, you can do whatever you want, including that.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19f) am in college, and i recently moved into an apartment with two of my friends, mary and jane (names changed, both 19f). i have been getting along with mary great, jane, not so much. before we moved in, we figured out that i am the only one who watches cable, so we decided that i would pay for cable and then we would all split the price for the internet. i ended up buying a tv for the living room (all paid for myself) for watching sports and if we would want to host people for games. jane revealed that she wasn’t using the internet. since she wasn’t using it, of course i couldn’t charge her for it, so now me and mary are left paying for it. i did make it clear to jane that she can’t use the internet unless she would start pitching in. this weekend me and mary went home, and when i came back, i saw someone had been using youtube on my tv this weekend. i knew that it had to be jane. we also came back to the kitchen being a mess (which is a whole other issue). i decided tonight to put a parental lock on the tv. i plan on telling mary the code (even though she never watches tv). i don’t feel that it is right that i am paying for all of this and jane feels that she can use it behind my back. we have confronted her on various problems and every time she gets defensive. aita for putting a parental lock on the tv so jane can’t watch it? i feel like i could be in the wrong here because i don’t like to seem like i have to parent jane but things are becoming constant problems.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) am in college, and i recently moved into an apartment with two of my friends, mary and jane (names changed, both 19f). i have been getting along with mary great, jane, not so much. before we moved in, we figured out that i am the only one who watches cable, so we decided that i would pay for cable and then we would all split the price for the internet. i ended up buying a tv for the living room (all paid for myself) for watching sports and if we would want to host people for games. jane revealed that she wasn’t using the internet. since she wasn’t using it, of course i couldn’t charge her for it, so now me and mary are left paying for it. i did make it clear to jane that she can’t use the internet unless she would start pitching in. this weekend me and mary went home, and when i came back, i saw someone had been using youtube on my tv this weekend. i knew that it had to be jane. we also came back to the kitchen being a mess (which is a whole other issue). i decided tonight to put a parental lock on the tv. i plan on telling mary the code (even though she never watches tv). i don’t feel that it is right that i am paying for all of this and jane feels that she can use it behind my back. we have confronted her on various problems and every time she gets defensive. aita for putting a parental lock on the tv so jane can’t watch it? i feel like i could be in the wrong here because i don’t like to seem like i have to parent jane but things are becoming constant problems. [/INST] info: how is a college student not using internet in 2022? she doesn’t study or do any homework in the apartment? </s>
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AITA for blatantly pretending my roommate doesn’t exist because of her “robbing prank”?
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i (20f) live in a very safe city. one of the safest cities in the nation. due to this and lack of parental regulation as a kid, i never locked my doors.
i drive a wrangler and take the top and doors off and have never had a problem with stealing. i’ve never locked the doors to my houses or apartments. this has never been an issue with my old roommates or family. it’s just the way i’ve developed.
my roommate (19f), since moving in, has increasingly become more paranoid and anxious. i’ve known her for years and have never seen her like this. she thinks there are cameras in her sink, if she gets a bug bite she assumes she has bugs living in her bed, when she sleeps she has paralysis where someone comes in to kill her. she locks her bedroom door and front door for safety.
knowing this, i’ve tried to lock the door. however, i don’t sometimes. it’s a habit i’m trying to break.
i came home a week ago, there was shit everywhere. it looked like a mini tornado whirled through my apartment. i went in my room and my tv was gone, my mini boba fridge was gone, all my vintage playboys were gone, so much of my clothes vanished.
it was clear, through my eyes, that i had been robbed. i sat on my bed and just sat there in shock. on the verge of tears, i called my father who didn’t pick up and i was left defeated practically, lol. then i jumped up because i was worried for my roommates room. she was sitting there waiting for me.
she had all my things in there. pranked me to try and teach me a lesson about locking the door. my problem is that she never even talked to me, i had no idea this was an issue with her before. she said i should have “assumed” that i need to lock the door out of respect for a shared living space.
after trivial arguing i stfu and went mute, grabbed all my stuff to put in my room, and i have completely ignored her since. i’m upset and not over it. i find her thought process alarming and delusional.
a mutual friend says that i’m overreacting and being rude to her when she’s going through a hard time. as much as i understand that she’s having problems i have received 0 empathy or question of my feelings. i don’t think i’m an ah, i think everybody’s out of their minds and i need some time away from the crazies.
edit/
| 10,697
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xckjas/aita_for_blatantly_pretending_my_roommate_doesnt/
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2022-09-12 18:36:12
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esh
#lock the damn door
it **does not matter** how you were raised. the *second* you started living with others, the game changed.
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esh- you know how when someone gets killed or something horrible happens and you see that neighbor on tv who looks panicked and says, 'this kind of thing doesn't happen here?'
that's you. newsflash: *that* kind of thing happens *everywhere*. lock your door, esp in a roommate situation.
that is not to excuse what your roommate did. i get the point she was trying to make, but the way she did it wasn't acceptable. sounds like she may need help and you need a new roommate.
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esh. yes, i agree that her trauma or mental illness (if she is diagnosed with any besides paranoia) is not your responsibility. but you need to understand that your way of living may not be reasonable to others. i also lived in one of the safest cities in my country but still lock doors out of respect of living in a shared space with other people.
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how do you write "knowing this, i tried to lock the door" and then two paragraphs later, write: "i had no idea! she never told me!" esh. her for the prank and you for not using common sense when living with other people. lock your doors or live alone where your choice doesn't put other people at risk.
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esh
what she did was appalling, but your current approach isn't going to solve anything. you can't fix lack of communication by increasing lack of communication.
figure out a way to live together until you can find somebody more compatible to live with.
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lock the fucking door. i had a man break into my house *while i was sleeping* through a tiny crack in my window. unlocked the window, climbed through, and was standing in my living room. lock the fucking door, lock the windows, lock everything. you’re way too naive
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hoo boy. this is a doozy of one. i think i'm going to go with esh here, though. i'm not even going to touch on the paranoia bit as it's really superfluous to the point that i'm making here, but...you claim to live in the safest city in the nation. crime exists regardless of this fact. i'm actually a bit shocked you never took the precautions to protect yourself from events like this in the past if i'm being honest op. i live in a suburban environment that really doesn't see a ton of crime of any kind back here, but every so often we hear of cases of houses being cased out back here. still lock our doors anyway, as its...just a good thing to do. that said, your roommate could have had a conversation with you versus the prank, and quite frankly, you are overreacting by shutting her out for a whole week, and you are being rude to her for something that...may have been handled in the wrong way, but still was based on a legitimate point of concern.
and op, a thought: perhaps the reason why you've not been given any empathy for your position...is that you have not really, and i mean really, stopped to see where they sat and tried to empathize with them.
mods, may be a good idea to watch this one too, i kind of think this post is not seeking judgment but instead vindication.
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esh
her prank was cruel but hern concerns are legitimate and you need to respect them. this is basic safety. she also seems to need therapy or medication. this seems over the top.
your car is your business (i drive a wrangler as well and keep it doorless as often as possible). but your apartment is common space. you need lay firm, agreed-upon rules and stick to them. and ffs stop giving her the silent treatment!! you're accomplishing nothing with that.
|
esh
yta because you said she was getting increasingly paranoid and in the next breath that she didn't say she wanted the doors locked. clearly you knew so don't try and play the victim there.
she was the a for using such an extreme way to put her point across.
having said that, you knew she needed the house locked but pleaded ignorance so maybe her behaviour is not so over the top.
|
esh.
she shouldn’t have done what she did, but not locking doors(in a city no less) is wild.
that said, i wouldn’t judge you on your personal choice to do that if you lived alone or with people who also held that view.
but you don’t.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20f) live in a very safe city. one of the safest cities in the nation. due to this and lack of parental regulation as a kid, i never locked my doors. i drive a wrangler and take the top and doors off and have never had a problem with stealing. i’ve never locked the doors to my houses or apartments. this has never been an issue with my old roommates or family. it’s just the way i’ve developed. my roommate (19f), since moving in, has increasingly become more paranoid and anxious. i’ve known her for years and have never seen her like this. she thinks there are cameras in her sink, if she gets a bug bite she assumes she has bugs living in her bed, when she sleeps she has paralysis where someone comes in to kill her. she locks her bedroom door and front door for safety. knowing this, i’ve tried to lock the door. however, i don’t sometimes. it’s a habit i’m trying to break. i came home a week ago, there was shit everywhere. it looked like a mini tornado whirled through my apartment. i went in my room and my tv was gone, my mini boba fridge was gone, all my vintage playboys were gone, so much of my clothes vanished. it was clear, through my eyes, that i had been robbed. i sat on my bed and just sat there in shock. on the verge of tears, i called my father who didn’t pick up and i was left defeated practically, lol. then i jumped up because i was worried for my roommates room. she was sitting there waiting for me. she had all my things in there. pranked me to try and teach me a lesson about locking the door. my problem is that she never even talked to me, i had no idea this was an issue with her before. she said i should have “assumed” that i need to lock the door out of respect for a shared living space. after trivial arguing i stfu and went mute, grabbed all my stuff to put in my room, and i have completely ignored her since. i’m upset and not over it. i find her thought process alarming and delusional. a mutual friend says that i’m overreacting and being rude to her when she’s going through a hard time. as much as i understand that she’s having problems i have received 0 empathy or question of my feelings. i don’t think i’m an ah, i think everybody’s out of their minds and i need some time away from the crazies. edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) live in a very safe city. one of the safest cities in the nation. due to this and lack of parental regulation as a kid, i never locked my doors. i drive a wrangler and take the top and doors off and have never had a problem with stealing. i’ve never locked the doors to my houses or apartments. this has never been an issue with my old roommates or family. it’s just the way i’ve developed. my roommate (19f), since moving in, has increasingly become more paranoid and anxious. i’ve known her for years and have never seen her like this. she thinks there are cameras in her sink, if she gets a bug bite she assumes she has bugs living in her bed, when she sleeps she has paralysis where someone comes in to kill her. she locks her bedroom door and front door for safety. knowing this, i’ve tried to lock the door. however, i don’t sometimes. it’s a habit i’m trying to break. i came home a week ago, there was shit everywhere. it looked like a mini tornado whirled through my apartment. i went in my room and my tv was gone, my mini boba fridge was gone, all my vintage playboys were gone, so much of my clothes vanished. it was clear, through my eyes, that i had been robbed. i sat on my bed and just sat there in shock. on the verge of tears, i called my father who didn’t pick up and i was left defeated practically, lol. then i jumped up because i was worried for my roommates room. she was sitting there waiting for me. she had all my things in there. pranked me to try and teach me a lesson about locking the door. my problem is that she never even talked to me, i had no idea this was an issue with her before. she said i should have “assumed” that i need to lock the door out of respect for a shared living space. after trivial arguing i stfu and went mute, grabbed all my stuff to put in my room, and i have completely ignored her since. i’m upset and not over it. i find her thought process alarming and delusional. a mutual friend says that i’m overreacting and being rude to her when she’s going through a hard time. as much as i understand that she’s having problems i have received 0 empathy or question of my feelings. i don’t think i’m an ah, i think everybody’s out of their minds and i need some time away from the crazies. edit/ [/INST] esh #lock the damn door it **does not matter** how you were raised. the *second* you started living with others, the game changed. </s>
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AITA For not telling my brother, who was on his honeymoon, that our father died?
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throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon.
i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay.
i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back.
we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began.
a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually.
he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down.
however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life.
| 13,251
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g0qpwp/aita_for_not_telling_my_brother_who_was_on_his/
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2020-04-13 20:16:12
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yta. putting off telling him is one thing. having a funeral and not giving him the chance to attend is another. what you’ve done is terrible. you’ve taken away his only chance to say goodbye to his father. youre lucky if he ever forgives you.
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yta
if the timeline worked out in such a way where you could keep this from him, but he'd get back before the funeral, i'd probably let you slide. but making him miss the funeral is pretty much unforgivable.
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yta. you didn't tell him until **after** the funeral? that's the most messed up part of this. not all funerals have to happen immediately.
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undeniably yta. a honeymoon can be rescheduled, the funeral cannot.
imagine all the love and support of friends and relatives, the stories shared, the comfort of family in a time of grief, the chance to have that last goodbye etc. you've stolen that from him and it can't be undone.
if my siblings had done that to me i would be furious as well. what's more, you hung up on him, you made an awful decision and should have understood that a large part of the outburst was likely shock, grief and anger all combined.
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yta. i am so appalled. you seriously made your brother miss your fathers funeral. you didn’t tell him that his father was dead. your intent may have been good, but these are not your decisions to make. he had a right to know as soon as everyone else did. he should’ve had the opportunity to mourn his dad with all of you. you took that away from him.
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yta....holy *shit* are you the asshole.
*he missed his father's funeral because of you*, this was not your choice to make. you made a decision on his behalf and now he will *never* have that closure. instead he now has the memory of his honeymoon tainted forever by the guilt and sadness of knowing that he was off enjoying himself when his father died.
how could you possibly justify this to yourself?
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yta. i thought you were talking about a matter of hours or maybe a day so he could finish up his trip, but you had the funeral? and you told him by text?! god, i hope you're a troll. if not i hope your brother cuts you off entirely, because you deserve it.
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yta. if my sister unilaterally decided i didn't need to attend pud dad's funeral there would be no coming back from it.
you aren't necessarily an ah for waiting until he was back to tell him about the death but you are absolutely an ah for holding the funeral without him there.
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as a funeral director, i cannot explain how important it is for people psychologically to attend a funeral. it is an extremely pivotal point in a persons grieving process, often helping people out of the “denial and anger” stage and into the “acceptance” stage of grief. yta
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man i rarely ever comment on this sub, but this is truly the most depraved thing i’ve ever heard here. serious question: do you experience difficulty with social interactions? you should see someone because this is not what regular human behavior is.
oh and obviously yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay. i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back. we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began. a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually. he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down. however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay. i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back. we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began. a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually. he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down. however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life. [/INST] yta. putting off telling him is one thing. having a funeral and not giving him the chance to attend is another. what you’ve done is terrible. you’ve taken away his only chance to say goodbye to his father. youre lucky if he ever forgives you. </s>
|
AITA for wanting my wife to have some extra income for herself?
|
hi, my wife (w34) and i (h42) have been married for 12 years. we have 3 kids (6, 8 and 10)
she married me young (22). she never really had a job and did not do well in school and did not attend university. these things don’t really bother me.
i have been a work-from-home dad since day one. very flexible schedule. i wake up early, make bfast for the kids (wife sleeps in), would send them to school most of the time, send them to sports practice, cook dinner somethings (otherwise it's takeout as my wife doesn’t like to cook).
i also hired a maid who takes care of the daily cleaning, laundry, ironing, etc but my wife does have mild ocd and cleans it again (mopping and vacuuming) daily despite us trying to tell her not to.
we live in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, we make decent money but we could save more. especially with the kids growing and we are not getting any younger. i say “we” as we are a family but i am really the sole earner in 12yrs.
despite my wife’s lack of say education and work experience, over the last 12years, i (and her own family) have always asked her to find a working hobby outside the family circle so that she can have something of her own. my wife is very insecure about her background or education and if pressed, often results in negative outbursts with huge defenses.
she always resisted the idea and confronts me with “i am toxic and unsupportive for not wanting her to be comfortable”.
so come 2022, i had a chat with her that as much as i can provide, there has to be a plan b and if we want to plan for retirement and save for better educational options for the kids, we gotta start now. together.
instead of a full-time job, we decided (after much drama) on joining her friend selling mutual-fund and healthcare which is something she can do on her own time and the money is hers to keep.
so yeah, she hates me for it. she has to study and do something outside her comfort zone. keeps telling me that i am toxic, unsupportive, and can't see her be happy. real anger in her voice.
for me, as much as she wants to relax and be comfortable, i want to grow and provide the best education and future for my kids and our retirement. but i can't do it alone, especially if my very capable wife (very charming and approachable), instead of trying to contribute and work together, just wants to let things be.
so aita for wanting my wife to have a side gig income so that we have provided a better life for our kids, retirement?
side note: currently, i give her a monthly allowance (to spend on herself). i pay for groceries, mortgage, bills n everything, including her insurance n monthly investment funds. she refuses to have her own credit card and uses mine with my permission to manage to spend but still, there is a lack of accountability from my pov. but again, it's always a big fuss and i am being called “controlling and toxic”.
| 6,393
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syqbas/aita_for_wanting_my_wife_to_have_some_extra/
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2022-02-22 15:30:42
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info:
so if you get the kids up, make all the food, send the kids to school and their practices, and hired a maid... other than re-doing what the maid did, what does your wife do every day?
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nta
so... you are the sole provider for the family, you also tend to the children’s needs, you take care of the cooking, and you’ve hired someone to care for the house.
financial, childcare, meals, and housekeeping are all your plate.
what is it your wife actually contributing to the family?
___
one thing you can start with: let go of the housekeeper. your wife already redoes it anyways & you’re just wasting money.
if she wants to be a housewife, that’s okay... but she actually has to be a housewife! (childcare/cooking/cleaning would fall under that)
have a conversation with her about what she wants to do... if working is not an option for her, don’t force her to (that’s just going to create stress and arguments). but also let her know that she needs to contribute more in another way to make the family successful.
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i mean, nta but you married someone who never really left adolescence (emotionally) and have not given her any reason to do so until now. from her perspective, you changed your agreement to be the sole provider (of apparently everything). the fact that your wife uses your credit card "with permission" and has an allowance is troubling--this is not something a grown adult with three kids in a healthy functioning relationship should be doing. she needs to learn financial responsibility asap. what if you suddenly become unable to work or die? either she needs to put on her big girl shoes or you should be discussing the future of your relationship.
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info: why do you pay for a cleaner when your wife not only has the time to clean but wants to as well?
i see why it would be good for her to have something for herself but why a job? couldn't she try a hobby?
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nta. not to be cruel, but what does your wife actually do all day? sounds like she sleeps and lies around while you take care of the kids and work at home. you even hired a maid for her. she is being a baby and needs to contribute. a marriage is a partnership and supposed to be equal support and effort. seems to me you are giving way more than she is. you seem like a great dad and provider, she seems like she is lazy and unsupportive of your family's future.
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**gentle yta, not because what you want is at all wrong or toxic or controlling as she claims, but because you are the source of this situation that you are now upset about. you basically set her up to fail, and are now complaining about it.**
you were a 30 year old man who married a much younger woman who struggled with her education and had no work experience, and instead of encouraging her back then, when she was still young and in a better position to learn (because objectively speaking, it only gets more and more difficult as we get older, both in terms of neuroplasticity and our ability to learn new things, and in terms of being absent from the workforce and classroom, making both far more anxiety-provoking and difficult prospects), **you spent 12 years telling her she didn't need to do anything for herself, providing for her financially, and letting her basically live a life of leisure . . . and then over a decade on, when she was older, and everything would be far more of a challenge, you announced that she had to re-enter the workforce.**
besides the absolutely understandable fact that she feels embarrassed by her lack of education, she is now a 34-year-old woman who has been a sahm for over a decade. no work experience, no skills to speak of. even if you found her work to do, do you have any idea how much that can damage someone's confidence? especially someone who didn't do very well in school to begin with? have you ever been a woman going back to work in her mid-30s? because i have, answering the questions about "what you did before this" is super fun /s. in my case, i wasn't a sahm, i was disabled and not working. even when you know it shouldn't be shameful, it really, really feels that way.
you've presented this entire post from your perspective, and i suspect that most people are going to see "she's had years at home being supported by you" and approach it as "well, it's about time she contributes". but **you haven't taken one moment to think about how she feels, or how you've set her up all these years and then changed her whole life drastically on a dime, based on your wants. i get that you mean well, but this is all about you you you. if you love her, you need to sit down and work out together how she might find her way back into the workforce or maybe even retrain in a way that feels meaningful to her, and isn't so sudden and overwhelming. until then, yta.**
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yta. here's the thing, while i think she should be contributing to the household or making an attempt to help the finances you can't really use the need to save more when you are paying for a maid and have a sahm.
yta also because 'she married me young (22)'. that means she must have been much younger when you pursued her. at 30 years old you went after a 22 year old who you admit never really had a job or any time to experience life. i don't want to say groomed but you definitely enjoyed the fact that you knew you would have the control in the relationship because had you dated someone your own age they wouldn't be as subservient.
also, it makes me uncomfortable that you said it was decided that she would be selling mutual funds or healthcare but not health insurance because she would need a brokers license for that and serious education. it almost feels like she's being set up to fail or engage in the probably mlm scheme instead of her getting a part time job at the local target or coffee shop to dip her toes in of being socially independent.
you are coming off controlling and toxic because after 12 years it's almost like you knew she would be unprepared for life and are now pointing out her failures or inability to be accountable when you knowingly didn't advocate for her being financially independent 12 years earlier. it almost comes off as a superiority thing.
it's not that i don't think she shouldn't be working part time because honestly getting exposure to other working women outside the home and socialization would be great for her but i find your way to come off manipulative and insincere. almost like you want to teach her a lesson.
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info: if you died tomorrow, would your life insurance be enough for her to raise children to adulthood then live comfortably for the rest of her life?
personally, i think nta.
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info: why are you paying for a maid if your wife cleans daily?
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a 22 years old with no education married a 30 years old who was financially stable and was fine with her being a housewife. and that was the deal.
from her perspective, op is breaking that deal now.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
| null | 0.582343
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, my wife (w34) and i (h42) have been married for 12 years. we have 3 kids (6, 8 and 10) she married me young (22). she never really had a job and did not do well in school and did not attend university. these things don’t really bother me. i have been a work-from-home dad since day one. very flexible schedule. i wake up early, make bfast for the kids (wife sleeps in), would send them to school most of the time, send them to sports practice, cook dinner somethings (otherwise it's takeout as my wife doesn’t like to cook). i also hired a maid who takes care of the daily cleaning, laundry, ironing, etc but my wife does have mild ocd and cleans it again (mopping and vacuuming) daily despite us trying to tell her not to. we live in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, we make decent money but we could save more. especially with the kids growing and we are not getting any younger. i say “we” as we are a family but i am really the sole earner in 12yrs. despite my wife’s lack of say education and work experience, over the last 12years, i (and her own family) have always asked her to find a working hobby outside the family circle so that she can have something of her own. my wife is very insecure about her background or education and if pressed, often results in negative outbursts with huge defenses. she always resisted the idea and confronts me with “i am toxic and unsupportive for not wanting her to be comfortable”. so come 2022, i had a chat with her that as much as i can provide, there has to be a plan b and if we want to plan for retirement and save for better educational options for the kids, we gotta start now. together. instead of a full-time job, we decided (after much drama) on joining her friend selling mutual-fund and healthcare which is something she can do on her own time and the money is hers to keep. so yeah, she hates me for it. she has to study and do something outside her comfort zone. keeps telling me that i am toxic, unsupportive, and can't see her be happy. real anger in her voice. for me, as much as she wants to relax and be comfortable, i want to grow and provide the best education and future for my kids and our retirement. but i can't do it alone, especially if my very capable wife (very charming and approachable), instead of trying to contribute and work together, just wants to let things be. so aita for wanting my wife to have a side gig income so that we have provided a better life for our kids, retirement? side note: currently, i give her a monthly allowance (to spend on herself). i pay for groceries, mortgage, bills n everything, including her insurance n monthly investment funds. she refuses to have her own credit card and uses mine with my permission to manage to spend but still, there is a lack of accountability from my pov. but again, it's always a big fuss and i am being called “controlling and toxic”.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, my wife (w34) and i (h42) have been married for 12 years. we have 3 kids (6, 8 and 10) she married me young (22). she never really had a job and did not do well in school and did not attend university. these things don’t really bother me. i have been a work-from-home dad since day one. very flexible schedule. i wake up early, make bfast for the kids (wife sleeps in), would send them to school most of the time, send them to sports practice, cook dinner somethings (otherwise it's takeout as my wife doesn’t like to cook). i also hired a maid who takes care of the daily cleaning, laundry, ironing, etc but my wife does have mild ocd and cleans it again (mopping and vacuuming) daily despite us trying to tell her not to. we live in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, we make decent money but we could save more. especially with the kids growing and we are not getting any younger. i say “we” as we are a family but i am really the sole earner in 12yrs. despite my wife’s lack of say education and work experience, over the last 12years, i (and her own family) have always asked her to find a working hobby outside the family circle so that she can have something of her own. my wife is very insecure about her background or education and if pressed, often results in negative outbursts with huge defenses. she always resisted the idea and confronts me with “i am toxic and unsupportive for not wanting her to be comfortable”. so come 2022, i had a chat with her that as much as i can provide, there has to be a plan b and if we want to plan for retirement and save for better educational options for the kids, we gotta start now. together. instead of a full-time job, we decided (after much drama) on joining her friend selling mutual-fund and healthcare which is something she can do on her own time and the money is hers to keep. so yeah, she hates me for it. she has to study and do something outside her comfort zone. keeps telling me that i am toxic, unsupportive, and can't see her be happy. real anger in her voice. for me, as much as she wants to relax and be comfortable, i want to grow and provide the best education and future for my kids and our retirement. but i can't do it alone, especially if my very capable wife (very charming and approachable), instead of trying to contribute and work together, just wants to let things be. so aita for wanting my wife to have a side gig income so that we have provided a better life for our kids, retirement? side note: currently, i give her a monthly allowance (to spend on herself). i pay for groceries, mortgage, bills n everything, including her insurance n monthly investment funds. she refuses to have her own credit card and uses mine with my permission to manage to spend but still, there is a lack of accountability from my pov. but again, it's always a big fuss and i am being called “controlling and toxic”. [/INST] info: so if you get the kids up, make all the food, send the kids to school and their practices, and hired a maid... other than re-doing what the maid did, what does your wife do every day? </s>
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WIBTA If I got paternity tests done behind my wife’s back?
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my wife and i are both chinese and have 3 kids together.
my kids have always looked mixed (white + asian) and it’s only become more apparent as they’ve grown up. their skin is much fairer, they have freckles (no one in our families does), there is a brown tinge to their hair. two of my kids have brown eyes, but the youngest clearly has a mix of brown and green (i know mix isn’t the right word, but it’s not solid brown like 99% of asian). they also have white looking facial features... especially their eyes and nose.
honestly once you see it you can’t unsee it and it’s driving me crazy. i want to get a paternity test done behind my wife’s back on the youngest (that looks the most mixed) just for piece of mind.
wibta? my wife has done nothing to make me suspect her of being unfaithful. it’s just such a strong resemblance to “mixed” kids that i’ve seen.
| 13,095
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/buq5b3/wibta_if_i_got_paternity_tests_done_behind_my/
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2019-05-30 07:11:33
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nah
but tread carefully. if your wife finds out you did a test behind her back, she would be very hurt. but telling her upfront could also hurt her. there really is no winning solution
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nah
genetics can be a bit tricky to understand but if you have doubts why not go for it? this situation sadly happens a lot nowadays in our society.
why don't you ask your wife in a playful manner than you want all your family to check your dna in 23andme or [ancestry.com](https://ancestry.com) just for fun and see how she reacts. maybe your kids will support you because quite frankly is kinda fun, i checked my dna using 23andme. maybe play some yt video to get everyone in the mood of it.
if she gets mad or she's reluctant maybe there could be something behind it.
&#x200b;
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i don’t really have a strong opinion here as i can see both sides but wanted to say you can definitely look half white without being half white. i have freckles, lighter hair, and a relatively high nose bridge and just generally look ethnically ambiguous. but dna test confirmed, i’m 100% chinese. genetics are weird!
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yta
tough one. i'm going to say yta in this situation as i think sneaking around behind your wifes back is an asshole move. in a perfect world, you'd be able to express your fears and she'd be able to reassure you without resorting to a dna test. it's obvious you don't 100% trust her as you think she could have cheated and then made you live a lie by raising mixed race kids as your own. that's a pretty massive accusation and would really hurt her and potentially blow your marriage up.
the more likely situation is that one of your ancestors, perhaps grand parents, great grandparents or great great grandparents, are mixed. it could be that both of you have someone who is 25% white somewhere in the family history and now you've come together, those genes will out. it may never have been discussed by the families as this was pretty taboo in the past, and the heritage that was mixed probably passed as full chinese. that to me, seems more likely than a serial cheater who's expecting you to raise mixed-race kids as their own. if she was cheating on you with a white guy - for all three kids - surely she would have exhibited some terrible anxiety over their looks giving her away.. and surely you would have noticed something considering your entire life together and fatherhood would be fake.
but we don't live in a perfect world, and sometimes doing an asshole thing is actually the right thing for you. if you feel that your anxiety over their looks is really this high, then perhaps you decide that being an asshole is the best thing to do for your peace of mind whilst preserving your marriage.
i think that your relationship is always going to be tainted by the fact you thought this was possible, but if you can't unsee it and it's driving you crazy then i don't see a good solution here. if being the asshole is what gets you the closure you need and has a chance at saving your marriage then perhaps that's the way it needs to go. we're all assholes sometimes.
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yta. this could potentially blow up your marriage if found out. genetics are weird.
you could just *talk to your wife,* say you think it's interesting the kids look mixed, ask if she maybe has any white ancestors. joke that you had a crazy passing thought maybe she had an affair with the milkman. feel it out before hitting the nuclear option. you'll feel like crap if you sneak the paternity test and it turns out you wrongly doubted your wife.
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i don’t have a strong enough opinion to render a judgment, but before you do this, keep in mind that it’s three kids your suspicious about. that means your wife would have had to have been unfaithful to you for a minimum of three years. i feel like if that were the case, you would have suspected it at least a little bit??
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to be honest, it might be that your wife (or you!) is of mixed parentage and doesn't know it. genetics are strange that way.
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nah. get the paternity test if you need to.
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you can do an indirect test by knowing their blood type. this will not prove that the kids aren yours but can give proof that they aren't yours if the blood types don't make sense.
actually you should already know their blood types (and that of yours and your wife's) shouldn't you?
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info. what’s your end goal? divorce? are you trying to unsaddle yourself from taking care of the kids? think about what you hope to accomplish by doing this and think hard about the consequences either way.
this is an actual pandora’s box. once you open it, there is no putting it all back the way it was.
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
NAH
| null |
INFO
| 0.564545
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i are both chinese and have 3 kids together. my kids have always looked mixed (white + asian) and it’s only become more apparent as they’ve grown up. their skin is much fairer, they have freckles (no one in our families does), there is a brown tinge to their hair. two of my kids have brown eyes, but the youngest clearly has a mix of brown and green (i know mix isn’t the right word, but it’s not solid brown like 99% of asian). they also have white looking facial features... especially their eyes and nose. honestly once you see it you can’t unsee it and it’s driving me crazy. i want to get a paternity test done behind my wife’s back on the youngest (that looks the most mixed) just for piece of mind. wibta? my wife has done nothing to make me suspect her of being unfaithful. it’s just such a strong resemblance to “mixed” kids that i’ve seen.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i are both chinese and have 3 kids together. my kids have always looked mixed (white + asian) and it’s only become more apparent as they’ve grown up. their skin is much fairer, they have freckles (no one in our families does), there is a brown tinge to their hair. two of my kids have brown eyes, but the youngest clearly has a mix of brown and green (i know mix isn’t the right word, but it’s not solid brown like 99% of asian). they also have white looking facial features... especially their eyes and nose. honestly once you see it you can’t unsee it and it’s driving me crazy. i want to get a paternity test done behind my wife’s back on the youngest (that looks the most mixed) just for piece of mind. wibta? my wife has done nothing to make me suspect her of being unfaithful. it’s just such a strong resemblance to “mixed” kids that i’ve seen. [/INST] nah but tread carefully. if your wife finds out you did a test behind her back, she would be very hurt. but telling her upfront could also hurt her. there really is no winning solution </s>
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AITA for treating my housemate with depression like a child?
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throwaway account cause she knows my main. me (m28) and her (f28) have been living together for about 6 years. recently due to a job loss and it being near christmas time - housemate is on government assistance while she looks for a job and has developed severe depression.
kate (name changed) has been job seeking for about 3 weeks now. but - i've noticed a pattern, is that she wakes up about 10, applies for say 5 jobs a day, and then goes back to bed where she just sinks. i keep talking to her, and i just get a sad blank look and a "okay" and then she rolls over and goes back to sleep. last weekend, she socialised for an hour with someone and then straight away - got back in her pyjamas and didn't move for 3 days (or shower).
on monday - this caused her to miss an important appointment at the hospital causing them to threaten necessary surgery if she misses another appointment. this is where i sprung into action, and literally picked her up and put her in the bathroom and told her not to come out until she had showered and scrubbed herself from head to toe. once she was out - i made her put clothes and shoes on - and made her go to the walk in clinic and talk to the doctor. they amazingly had a appointment available with their psychologist today so i made her take that appointment and when she got home, i made her help me to do a lot of cleaning and didn't let her fester in her room. today - same deal, i forced her to get up at 8am, shower, dress, tried to make her eat - but she cried, and took her myself to the appointment. when we got home - i made her help me cook dinner, and she ate a very small serve before "asking" to go to bed at 7.30pm.
here's where the aita comes in. kate's ex stops over, and i tell him the whole situation as they are still friends. he gets quite cross at me and tells me that i'm a "fucking douche" who doesn't understand "anything about depression" and that i'm making it worse by making her do something she doesn't want to do. he made a snide remark about "am i gonna take her phone off her next? or tell her when to piss?" and honestly - if i had to grab her phone to make her shower i would. and i said as much, because i know depression and i know that as exhausting as it is - getting up and showering helps - letting it sit and develop further does not. even a small win - like having a shower to check the mail, or moving from your bed to the couch - is a win. half an hour later; kate's mum calls to both yell at me for not telling her about the situation - but for also parenting "her" child and told me that if i don't 'butt out' she will come and get kate and take her to the hospital where she can get "real" help. so i'm obviously in a bit of a state, cause kate does not need to go to the hospital, but with two aggressive people telling me i'm wrong, i have to ask - am i the asshole? should i be doing something else?
| 2,268
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dyilb8/aita_for_treating_my_housemate_with_depression/
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2019-11-19 10:16:23
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info:
what does kate think about you doing these things? because that is literally the only opinion that matters here.
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>kate does not need to go to the hospital
... are you sure? sounds like it might be good for her.
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nta i wish someone had done that for me when i was in bad depression. you’re living with her not them, you have the most control to actually help her, her ex she shouldn’t listen to because that can get complicated real fast and a parent, well... she’s an adult. kate will probably end up a little bitter if her mom tries to step in to much. sometimes it needs to be a friend and i can for sure say when all is said and done she will be thankful.
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info: what does kate want? has anyone asked? i don't find your actions to be wrong per se, but half the point of helping a depressive is giving them agency over their own lives. else the negative-self thoughts are going "see? even your roomie thinks you suck & your parents and friends clearly think you're loony tunes" even as she's going through the motions of whatever people ask.
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nta. sounds like kate has been dealing with depression for a long time and the people around her allow her to just be. she needs someone like you to help her keep her life on track!
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nta - moving, eating, going to a psychologist etc are good things for her. it's great that you care enough to force her to do these things. but you need to ensure that she doesn't become reliant on you to do these things. don't forget she is also your friend, and you need to have fun friend time too.
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nta. you’re going above and beyond to actually help this person out, actually if anything, props to fucking you. not many people would ever do that for a person.
it sounds like all these people want to excuse her depression by shaming you and being acceptive of it but you’re the only one that sounds willing to help her.
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yeahhhh this weirds me out. i have severe depression and have been out of it for months at a time. something about the idea of controlling a mentally ill person to the point where they have to ask to go to bed after dinner is gross.
i get that your intentions might be good, but she is an adult, you are not in charge of what she does with her time, and really as long as she isn't making a mess in a shared living space, (if she's anything like me, she's mostly isolated in her room) then you have no say here.
instead, be encouraging, supportive, and try to maybe ask her to socialize with you. treat her like an independent human being, otherwise you'll fall into yta territory.
(edit; words)
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yta - even though you're well intended, this is a hard yta. and i have to say, i am shocked more people in the comment section stated otherwise. so shocked in fact, that i've been a long-time lurker of this thread and this is the post that tipped me into making a reddit account specifically to comment on this post to explain exactly why yta. i also want to offer you strategies to be more helpful in the future because i've noticed you being quite responsive and it really does seem like you are *trying* to support her. i will also add that i am a psychotherapist and work both directly with clients suffering from depression and their family members.
so, my judgement is yta both because you could really be doing harm to her but also because you can ultimately be harming yourself in the long run. regarding the harm to her, you literally physically picked her up without her consent and locked her in the bathroom until she agreed to meet *your* demands. **this is abuse. both physical and emotional abuse.** she is already depressed and now you're putting her in a completely powerless situation, taking away her choices and bodily autonomy. this is not only unhelpful but has the potential for further psychological trauma to make depression even worse. i hear you saying that you know her well enough and if she didn't like it she would say something. well, it sounds like she has said that, both in body language and likely verbally. because i can imagine that before you picked her up and placed her in the washroom she probably said something like "no i don't want to shower" or "no i'm not getting up" which caused you to, as you say, "spring into action" and pick her up. so, i imagine she has been saying to you already that she doesn't like it, and it sounds like you're simply not listening when she says no. because this whole entire post is about how she hasn't been doing these things already and you repeatedly say "i made her...this, i made her that..." if someone is a willing participant in something, we don't make them do anything. **if we have to make someone do something, that means they don't want to.** hence why yta and why this approach isn't helpful. i'll also add, depression can change people's personalities and it sounds like she is quite deeply depressed right now. so the ways in which she is communicating now with you may have changed, or are less clear. i'll also add, because you're literally coercing her into these behaviours, (like showering, making dinner, attending appointments, etc.) it isn't helpful for her depression and may actually be making her feel more guilty, shameful, depressed, etc. because of a sense of powerlessness that she feels or because she may begin to feel like someone else is living life for her, rather than her slowly and steadily getting better with a healthy form of support.
here's where you may be harming yourself. if you keep behaving this way with her, when/if she gets better it could jeapordize your friendship and it could also lead to you experiencing caregiver burnout where you become more stressed out and perhaps more resentful of your friendship with her when you notice this approach not working to alleviate her depression (and again, perhaps making it worse).
here are some helpful tips: ask her what she needs and support her in those ways that are non-invasive. and really, really listen to her, even when it's hard. this healing is about her. in the off-chance that she says that she wants this kind of coercive treatment from you, i still do not recommend this for her because it's doing little to build her sense of worth that's needed in recovery. it's more important for people suffering from depression to use tools and skills on their own to help themselves find ways to manage their symptoms. social supports are part of this, but typically this takes the form of listening when they need to talk, going out for coffee together, making them meals, hanging out in silence, accompanying to appointments she plans to attend, giving her positive praise when she reaches a goal, etc. but certainly not coercing them into daily activities. recovering and managing depression is a process that requires patience from both the person struggling and their supportive loved ones because it takes time to get better. i'd also check in with her about suicidal thoughts as well and making yourself into a person that she can talk to about difficult experiences (if you're not already). this approach also leads to you lending less energy and reserving your expectations and patience with her, preventing your own burn out.
i don't mean to sound too harsh on you, i know you're trying your best, but i wanted to be very clear with why this approach isn't helpful and it was especially concerning with the amount of people condoning this type of behaviour. just shows me that the mental health field has a very long way to go in educating the public about what healthy vs. unhealthy support looks like. i really do want to commend you for your care and compassion that you have for your friend. it can be hard to be living with someone and to be so emotionally close to someone living with depression. take care of yourself too!
&#x200b;
\*edited for grammar/spelling. and also to add for other comments i've seen: there is a lot of mental health stigma being perpetuated in the comments section, especially those saying you're not ta. people with depression are still people and have rights. if it's not okay to treat someone who isn't struggling with a mental illness this way, it is **still,** and especially, not okay to treat someone with a mental illness this way.
edit 2: also for her to be applying to 5 jobs per day with depression is a lot and amazing. just wanted to say that.
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you say repeatedly "i made her do x... i made her do y" has that *made* any difference to her mental state? is she any less depressed?
all the things that you define as a win might be a win for you but she might not see it the same way. you got her to shower or go to the doctor or make dinner but those "wins" could just be adding to the negative thoughts that come with depression. it could be confirming to her that she's incapable of doing these things for herself, it's could be emphasizing the thoughts that are telling her all she feels and all she does is wrong and that could be making her mental state worse. people tackle mental health issues very differently and what worked for you might not work for her.
stop trying to control her recovery. support her if she needs you to take her to an appointment, offer your help but if she doesn't want to do something i don't think that you should be "making" her do anything. unless the change comes from herself it's probably just adding more stress to what she's already feeling.
yta ever so slightly. even though your intentions are good you're trying to make her get over her depression the way you did, and that wont and can't work for every one.
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.691271
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account cause she knows my main. me (m28) and her (f28) have been living together for about 6 years. recently due to a job loss and it being near christmas time - housemate is on government assistance while she looks for a job and has developed severe depression. kate (name changed) has been job seeking for about 3 weeks now. but - i've noticed a pattern, is that she wakes up about 10, applies for say 5 jobs a day, and then goes back to bed where she just sinks. i keep talking to her, and i just get a sad blank look and a "okay" and then she rolls over and goes back to sleep. last weekend, she socialised for an hour with someone and then straight away - got back in her pyjamas and didn't move for 3 days (or shower). on monday - this caused her to miss an important appointment at the hospital causing them to threaten necessary surgery if she misses another appointment. this is where i sprung into action, and literally picked her up and put her in the bathroom and told her not to come out until she had showered and scrubbed herself from head to toe. once she was out - i made her put clothes and shoes on - and made her go to the walk in clinic and talk to the doctor. they amazingly had a appointment available with their psychologist today so i made her take that appointment and when she got home, i made her help me to do a lot of cleaning and didn't let her fester in her room. today - same deal, i forced her to get up at 8am, shower, dress, tried to make her eat - but she cried, and took her myself to the appointment. when we got home - i made her help me cook dinner, and she ate a very small serve before "asking" to go to bed at 7.30pm. here's where the aita comes in. kate's ex stops over, and i tell him the whole situation as they are still friends. he gets quite cross at me and tells me that i'm a "fucking douche" who doesn't understand "anything about depression" and that i'm making it worse by making her do something she doesn't want to do. he made a snide remark about "am i gonna take her phone off her next? or tell her when to piss?" and honestly - if i had to grab her phone to make her shower i would. and i said as much, because i know depression and i know that as exhausting as it is - getting up and showering helps - letting it sit and develop further does not. even a small win - like having a shower to check the mail, or moving from your bed to the couch - is a win. half an hour later; kate's mum calls to both yell at me for not telling her about the situation - but for also parenting "her" child and told me that if i don't 'butt out' she will come and get kate and take her to the hospital where she can get "real" help. so i'm obviously in a bit of a state, cause kate does not need to go to the hospital, but with two aggressive people telling me i'm wrong, i have to ask - am i the asshole? should i be doing something else?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account cause she knows my main. me (m28) and her (f28) have been living together for about 6 years. recently due to a job loss and it being near christmas time - housemate is on government assistance while she looks for a job and has developed severe depression. kate (name changed) has been job seeking for about 3 weeks now. but - i've noticed a pattern, is that she wakes up about 10, applies for say 5 jobs a day, and then goes back to bed where she just sinks. i keep talking to her, and i just get a sad blank look and a "okay" and then she rolls over and goes back to sleep. last weekend, she socialised for an hour with someone and then straight away - got back in her pyjamas and didn't move for 3 days (or shower). on monday - this caused her to miss an important appointment at the hospital causing them to threaten necessary surgery if she misses another appointment. this is where i sprung into action, and literally picked her up and put her in the bathroom and told her not to come out until she had showered and scrubbed herself from head to toe. once she was out - i made her put clothes and shoes on - and made her go to the walk in clinic and talk to the doctor. they amazingly had a appointment available with their psychologist today so i made her take that appointment and when she got home, i made her help me to do a lot of cleaning and didn't let her fester in her room. today - same deal, i forced her to get up at 8am, shower, dress, tried to make her eat - but she cried, and took her myself to the appointment. when we got home - i made her help me cook dinner, and she ate a very small serve before "asking" to go to bed at 7.30pm. here's where the aita comes in. kate's ex stops over, and i tell him the whole situation as they are still friends. he gets quite cross at me and tells me that i'm a "fucking douche" who doesn't understand "anything about depression" and that i'm making it worse by making her do something she doesn't want to do. he made a snide remark about "am i gonna take her phone off her next? or tell her when to piss?" and honestly - if i had to grab her phone to make her shower i would. and i said as much, because i know depression and i know that as exhausting as it is - getting up and showering helps - letting it sit and develop further does not. even a small win - like having a shower to check the mail, or moving from your bed to the couch - is a win. half an hour later; kate's mum calls to both yell at me for not telling her about the situation - but for also parenting "her" child and told me that if i don't 'butt out' she will come and get kate and take her to the hospital where she can get "real" help. so i'm obviously in a bit of a state, cause kate does not need to go to the hospital, but with two aggressive people telling me i'm wrong, i have to ask - am i the asshole? should i be doing something else? [/INST] info: what does kate think about you doing these things? because that is literally the only opinion that matters here. </s>
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AITA for continuing to wear heels while pregnant?
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hi all.
i [32f] recently discovered i am pregnant. my husband owen [27m] and i are delighted, but we had a major disagreement about something yesterday.
i take fashion very seriously. i prefer heels to flats and always dress my best even when i'm at home. obviously i wear heels all the time. this isn't just for fashion reasons though. i work in a male dominated field (civil engineering). i'll be honest, i'm a little on the short side, and would feel quite insecure and vulnerable without my heels on at work, in the sense that i'm not sure they'd take me seriously. i've worn them long enough that i've got good endurance so it doesn't hurt. i avoid wearing flats unless i absolutely have to.
thats not to say i never wear flats. i wear flat shoes when working out in the gym or when i have to visit a construction site at work, but any other time i'll have my heels on.
owen has said he's seen lots of stuff online about how the posture of heels can affect the baby's development or something. i'm not convinced but it's still got me worried. he's also worried that i could fall over in my heels, although that's literally never happened in all the time we've been together.
we argued for a while but i still insisted on my heels. i'm sorry but my maternity leave is not for a while, and i don't want to spend my remaining time in the office being five inches shorter than i normally am.
far as i know heels don't affect pregnancy or the baby. if i see something that says they definitely do i will switch to flats in a heartbeat, but until then i'll keep things how they are.
| 444
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhd0gw/aita_for_continuing_to_wear_heels_while_pregnant/
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2020-03-12 08:15:17
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info: does your boyfriend read the british tabloids, who spent an awful amount of time trying to convince the public that meghan markle was trying a twofer infanti/regicide with her heels in pregnancy?
the only issue will be your swollen feet, sensitive skin and shifting center of balance, op. there's a point at which you likely won't want to wear them as a result, but everyone's pregnancy is different.
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nah first...you wear 5 inch heels?!! second, in my lay opinion you are probably fine to wear them for a while but eventually the pregnancy will affect your balance and cause laxity in your tendons and joints, and then falling may be a risk, likely more of a risk to you than your baby. i would suggest wearing them until your pregnancy is known at work and then bringing other facets of your personality in to make up for the loss of inches. of course, consult your doc. and congratulations!!!
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you will probably get to a point where you won’t want to wear them anyway because your tummy will feel like it’s pulling you off balance, but that is for you to decide. people have all sorts of opinions but really the one that counts is the opinion of the medical professional (not the internet) who is looking after you through your pregnancy. continue wearing your heels until your next appointment and then consult your doctor. at the very least it will put owen’s mind at rest by speaking to someone. try to remember that he just wants what is best for you and the baby.
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nta, heels don't affect development. the main reasons they aren't recommended during pregnancy is because of swelling in your feet and the risk of falling (which is particularly dangerous when you are pregnant).
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nta and i’m concerned your partner isn’t so bright. there will come a time when you can’t wear those shoes-or not, own it girl.
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i’m gonna say nah.
as far as i can tell, your husband is dumb. but he’s just trying to protect your kiddo.
i assume you see a doctor because of the pregnancy? go with him to your next appointment and chat with this in front of the medical professional.
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congratulations on your pregnancy!
your nta, i have had 2 kids and no medical professionals suggested not wearing heels. they did suggest comfortable shoes and clothing but what that mean was for me to decide. you may find your centre of gravity shifts somewhat as you get bigger but make the call for your comfort then.
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i'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and on the short side myself. i can say for certain that your centre of gravity drastically changes. your hips get wider and your weight shifts to the front, if you're already walking on your tiptoes with heels it can make you more prone to falling.
it sounds like you have a very caring partner who is not only concerned about you, but about your baby which is very sweet.
don't think there are any assholes here. keep wearing your heels as long as you're comfortable and able but please be careful. you've chosen to have a baby so you are now in charge of this little life. how awful would you feel if you did fall and your baby is permenantly damaged because you feel insecure in flats?
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nta, if you feel comfortable and stable in heels then go for it.
trust me though, in the later stages of pregnancy heels will be the last thing you’ll want to wear!
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nta, heels won't kill your baby and you're not a baby incubator.
however completely separate from the baby i want to warn you about wearing heels all the time (depending how extreme of heels), especially while at home which just feels pointless (why even wear any shoes at home?).
my aunt did what you did and her feet are permanently disfigured from the heels to such a degree that she can't wear normal shoes.
idk if yours as extreme but please be careful and consider the damage to your feet.
|
INFO
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.022097
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. i [32f] recently discovered i am pregnant. my husband owen [27m] and i are delighted, but we had a major disagreement about something yesterday. i take fashion very seriously. i prefer heels to flats and always dress my best even when i'm at home. obviously i wear heels all the time. this isn't just for fashion reasons though. i work in a male dominated field (civil engineering). i'll be honest, i'm a little on the short side, and would feel quite insecure and vulnerable without my heels on at work, in the sense that i'm not sure they'd take me seriously. i've worn them long enough that i've got good endurance so it doesn't hurt. i avoid wearing flats unless i absolutely have to. thats not to say i never wear flats. i wear flat shoes when working out in the gym or when i have to visit a construction site at work, but any other time i'll have my heels on. owen has said he's seen lots of stuff online about how the posture of heels can affect the baby's development or something. i'm not convinced but it's still got me worried. he's also worried that i could fall over in my heels, although that's literally never happened in all the time we've been together. we argued for a while but i still insisted on my heels. i'm sorry but my maternity leave is not for a while, and i don't want to spend my remaining time in the office being five inches shorter than i normally am. far as i know heels don't affect pregnancy or the baby. if i see something that says they definitely do i will switch to flats in a heartbeat, but until then i'll keep things how they are.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all. i [32f] recently discovered i am pregnant. my husband owen [27m] and i are delighted, but we had a major disagreement about something yesterday. i take fashion very seriously. i prefer heels to flats and always dress my best even when i'm at home. obviously i wear heels all the time. this isn't just for fashion reasons though. i work in a male dominated field (civil engineering). i'll be honest, i'm a little on the short side, and would feel quite insecure and vulnerable without my heels on at work, in the sense that i'm not sure they'd take me seriously. i've worn them long enough that i've got good endurance so it doesn't hurt. i avoid wearing flats unless i absolutely have to. thats not to say i never wear flats. i wear flat shoes when working out in the gym or when i have to visit a construction site at work, but any other time i'll have my heels on. owen has said he's seen lots of stuff online about how the posture of heels can affect the baby's development or something. i'm not convinced but it's still got me worried. he's also worried that i could fall over in my heels, although that's literally never happened in all the time we've been together. we argued for a while but i still insisted on my heels. i'm sorry but my maternity leave is not for a while, and i don't want to spend my remaining time in the office being five inches shorter than i normally am. far as i know heels don't affect pregnancy or the baby. if i see something that says they definitely do i will switch to flats in a heartbeat, but until then i'll keep things how they are. [/INST] info: does your boyfriend read the british tabloids, who spent an awful amount of time trying to convince the public that meghan markle was trying a twofer infanti/regicide with her heels in pregnancy? the only issue will be your swollen feet, sensitive skin and shifting center of balance, op. there's a point at which you likely won't want to wear them as a result, but everyone's pregnancy is different. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom we haven’t had a good relationship in a long time and I wanted to go live with my dad?
|
i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all.
my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be.
she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?
| 23,971
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l26p6d/aita_for_telling_my_mom_we_havent_had_a_good/
|
2021-01-21 20:14:39
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nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support.
i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.
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nta
go to your dad's house. i'm so sorry this is going on
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nta.
you have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long. i hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated.
she let him force her to stop treating you as family. you owe them nothing. at all.
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nta, but you are a badass. props to you for telling gary like it is, and i hope you get the love and treatment you deserve at your dads.
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you are nta, gary's son is 19, he needs to be working or going to school for something. gary though, is the asshole, fuck him.
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nta. if they want to exclude you, belittle you, and force you to make unfair adjustments in order to cater to the whims of their other child, and not use your child support to help raise you, they can damn sure take the consequences of those actions.
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[removed]
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nta.
your mother's first obligation is you. not her husband, not her husband's son or family. you.
she has failed in that, and your living situation is not tolerable. an adult would struggle to thrive in that environment, let alone a teenager.
go to your father's and don't worry about your mother. she made her choice.
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nta
they treat you like trash and now they're upset they can't get money from you anymore.
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nta, situations like these happen all the time and it really sucks to see your own parent favor their spouse and spouses wishes over you. go live with your dad and obtain that freedom to do what you want for once.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation? [/INST] nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin that her social media presence is pretentious and weird?
| 13,992
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pfu83c/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_that_her_social_media/
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2021-09-01 13:46:13
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yta she actually sounds pretty cool. it also sounds like you don't understand what she's studying or talking about so instead of being a normal caring person and asking her about it, you call her pretentious.
lots of people use social media to talk about their work. it sounds like she's doing well and has a lot going for her. and you sound a bit jealous
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yta she’s doing what a lot of people do on social media: sharing her passions. sometimes people only post their pets or their kids. some only upload gym selfies/workout videos or their favorite recipes. her passion just happens to be something you can’t relate to. she’s not required to cater her posts to you. belittling her for sharing her passions is just outright rude.
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yta. oof. i feel bad for cousin. sounds like you were itching for an opportunity to put her down.
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yta. she's into academics. so what ? at least, she doesn't bully people like you did with her because she doesn't keep up with the kardashians or whatever you're into.
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yta. dimming her light didn’t make yours brighter. glad you’re not my cousin.
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[deleted]
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yta. do you police everyone's social media like that or just people smarter than you? what a rude and unnecessary comment to make.
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yta. she’s probably trying to build a network within her future field. she’s probably trying to curate colleagues and make her social media look good so that if future employers google her they will find someone who is serious about their field of study.
this totally makes sense. you don’t have to be a dick about it.
though what you could possibly suggest is that your cousin make a separate insta for just family shit. dogs and stuff. or if you want to feel closer to all your cousins, set up a group text.
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yta and you seem to spend way too much time on facebook.
you seem bitter. it’s too bad you think that she should dumb down her profile just because you don’t understand what she’s talking about. you know google exists, right? you could also ask her.
your whole post smacks of insecurity. she’s not pretentious for being heavily involved in her field. you do know that people who are on that track basically live and breathe their academic work for awhile? her profile reflects her life and activities right now. the only person who thinks she’s better than you is probably you.
using facebook normally doesn’t make her an ah.
i’ll tell you one thing though, she’s probably bored af around you. especially with your attitude.
reading helps broaden the mind, you should do more of it. you may not have to say “i don’t even know what that means” as often
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yta
~~info~~
what exactly makes it "pretentious"? if her life currently is academics and learning, and she's really excited about it, and she's not bragging or bringing other people down, then what's the problem? i'm not asking you to link her page so we can see for ourselves, but we're going to need more examples than "pictures of conferences" since at this stage in her life, she's dedicated to getting her degree for her field(s) of study so that's likely all you're going to see.
after gathering more info, i'm going to have to say it's on you guys. more so on the two that didn't have the stones to tell her what they thought to her face. but yeah, you need to apologize, and let her know why you thought it was pretentious. ball will be in her court from there.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta she actually sounds pretty cool. it also sounds like you don't understand what she's studying or talking about so instead of being a normal caring person and asking her about it, you call her pretentious. lots of people use social media to talk about their work. it sounds like she's doing well and has a lot going for her. and you sound a bit jealous </s>
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AITA for being visibly shocked/dumbfounded that my GF (21, American) could not point out Florida on a map?
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while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita?
| 34,974
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clqcio/aita_for_being_visibly_shockeddumbfounded_that_my/
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2019-08-04 01:00:44
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nah. my husband did the same to me. so i realized how straight up dumb it was. i downloaded an app for kids to learn basic geography. now i know where more countries are than he does! learning and realizing the need to learn things is so important.
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nta 🤣🤣🤣
seriously? florida? it's the easiest one!!
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nta i'm not even american and i can find florida!
i can also find australia....
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nah - if you had rubbed it in and continued to press or make fun, you’d be the asshole, but that’s a pretty normal reaction.
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[removed]
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nta
that's pretty unfortunate, florida is the iconic dongle of the us.
but ~~most~~ many people are stupid dumb and they don't know things and they don't bother nor care to know things. it sucks but you can't make people learn. very recently i saw a video where some people didn't know what dinosaurs were, completely blew my mind away.
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nta but be careful. my wife said today she thought sweden and switzerland were the same place. she’s a brilliant doctor who can explain to you in silly detail how your body metabolizes all foreign substances. ignorance doesn’t equal stupid by a long shot.
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nta. that's... pretty astonishing.
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nah- it makes sense to be surprised- it isn't like she couldn't point out which square state was south dakota; florida is one of the hallmark parts of the us outline. she can't help her school's poor teaching, though.
if she wants to play around while learning more geography, i found this website earlier this year when i was trying to improve my own skillz: [https://online.seterra.com/en](https://online.seterra.com/en)
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nta. i'm a teacher. there are college kids who can't tell you the century when the american revolution was fought. no level of abject ignorance surprises me.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.006547
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita? [/INST] nah. my husband did the same to me. so i realized how straight up dumb it was. i downloaded an app for kids to learn basic geography. now i know where more countries are than he does! learning and realizing the need to learn things is so important. </s>
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AITA for blaming my dad for my engagement party being ruined and saying I hated him?
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i found out a year ago that my dad has had multiple mistresses his entire marriage and has at least two suspected children that he doesn’t acknowledge. my mum has known all along but it was a huge shock for myself and my siblings. my dad has worked very hard to earn back our trust so we chose to forgive him and try to get back to normal.
it was my engagement party two weeks ago. everything was perfect until my suspected half-sisters turned up to confront my dad in front of everybody. it was one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me and i was so angry and upset that they would choose my engagement party to do this. my fiancé’s uncle had them kicked out but the damage was already done.
i wanted to cry so badly so my fiancé took me into a room away from everybody else so i could calm down. my parents and in-laws came to check up on me and i just lost control and started yelling at my dad. i told him it was his fault my engagement party was ruined and i said i hated him. everybody tried to get me to calm down and my mum said i was being unfair.
i haven’t spoken to my dad since even though he keeps apologising for what happened. my siblings have told me it wasn’t his fault so i shouldn’t have yelled at him the way i did and i should blame the girls for crashing my party instead.
aita?
| 3,020
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1yldg/aita_for_blaming_my_dad_for_my_engagement_party/
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2022-07-18 12:51:35
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info
how did these people even know about the party?
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nta but i understand why you got upset and totally would feel the same in your position however your suspected step sibling was the one to blame here i think. they must have known it was an engagement party. they would know what making a scene would do to you. i understand it was your dads past poor choices that lead to the confrontation but people do make mistakes. if he’s been working hard to make it up to your family then this should be taken into consideration.
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nta. of course you are angry that your dad created this situation with unacknowledged kids. his shit got all over your special day and it makes perfect sense that you are angry at him for it.
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your parents sound like massive assholes. he doesn't pay for kids he made and has left 2 women without a father. he needs to make amends for the lives he's ruined. clearly, there are some very hurt feelings for them to go that far.
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ok no you’re nta and whoever says otherwise it’s nuts so i don’t get the e s h and the y t a votes. you’re nta and i don’t care what anybody else says. it’s not your problem that your father cheated on your mother so much and so often that he has two illegitimate children and who knows how many more.
your father should’ve stepped up as a man and spoken to these other children maturely and says he wanted nothing to do with them if that was the case or i don’t know, maybe not have cheated on his wife in the first place? and no, they shouldn’t have come to your engagement party to confront him either. that’s tacky and rude. you’re an innocent victim in this. if you want nothing to do with your fathers affair children that’s your prerogative. if they want to speak with your father, they can do it someplace else rather than taking over an event for you.
i don’t blame you at all for what you said to your father. he shouldn’t have cheated and lied in the first place. but he is your father, so o understand wanting to forgive him. but his actions ultimately caused this entire situation. he is at fault one way or another. he’s the cheater and he has two suspected children. it’s his fault and you had all the rights in the world to call him out for it.
was it a little aggressive and a tiny but rude? yes. however, it’s kind of well deserved. honestly you should’ve yelled at those potential siblings too. all i know now is that since they ruined your engagement, if down the line they try to reconnect, i wouldn’t give them the time of day. and now with you proclaiming your hatred of your father, he’s probably less likely now to even reach out to them to try and make it up to you. so it wasn’t a smart plan on their part either and they are also at fault.
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you may want to have security at the wedding to keep gate crashers at bey
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your father is the asshole here.
however, those girls are right to be angry that your father was fine impregnating their mother(s) but not so fine assuming paternal responsibility.
you are collateral damage in that shit-show, and one ruined party is minor inconvenience compared with lifetime of abandonment. which your relatives have enabled and abetted.
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>my siblings have told me it wasn’t his fault
um, it was his fault, he was integral in making these people. if he hadn't had so many affairs, they wouldn't even exist, so yeah, all his fault.
nta, op
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nta. as someone who is in the same position as the suspected siblings, what they did was a total dick move.
your dad deserves about 75% of the blame here because he couldn’t keep it in his goddamn pants.
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nta because i don’t think you are wrong to be extremely upset. you lashed out and, while it wasn’t the most mature thing to do, i think you’ve got valid reasons for doing it.
you’ve only had a year to process what your father did and i don’t think a year is nearly long enough to fully come to terms with what happened. you’re dealing with the fact that your father is not the man you thought he was; he betrayed your mother, impregnated at least two other women, abandoned those children, and now refuses to take responsibility by, at the very least, communicating with them.
his actions set the stage for this disaster. i cannot imagine the frustration and rage those women feel. their actions were unquestionably wrong, but i get the emotions that got them to a place where they felt justified embarrassing him publicly.
as far as you yelling at him- you were upset and embarrassed. your life was turned on its head only a short while ago and, just as things are settling down, this happens and it is entirely your father’s fault it did. if he wasn’t such a coward and took responsibility for the two lives he helped create, your party would not have been ruined. his inaction caused the rage they felt and they decided to get revenge. again, i don’t agree with it and it wasn’t fair to you, but i understand why they did it and so should you.
to be honest, i don’t understand why you decided to forgive him. it’s not so much the cheating, although that’s bad enough, it’s the fact that he can so easily toss aside his children. that shows a lack of character and empathy that i’d find deeply disturbing. you do realize that if your mother hadn’t forgiven him, you might be in the same position as them, right? i mean, the only thing that sets you apart from them is his marriage to your mother. do you really think he’d have stayed in your life if they divorced? or would he have moved on to the next woman and left you too? he’s shown his true colors, i think.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.007141
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i found out a year ago that my dad has had multiple mistresses his entire marriage and has at least two suspected children that he doesn’t acknowledge. my mum has known all along but it was a huge shock for myself and my siblings. my dad has worked very hard to earn back our trust so we chose to forgive him and try to get back to normal. it was my engagement party two weeks ago. everything was perfect until my suspected half-sisters turned up to confront my dad in front of everybody. it was one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me and i was so angry and upset that they would choose my engagement party to do this. my fiancé’s uncle had them kicked out but the damage was already done. i wanted to cry so badly so my fiancé took me into a room away from everybody else so i could calm down. my parents and in-laws came to check up on me and i just lost control and started yelling at my dad. i told him it was his fault my engagement party was ruined and i said i hated him. everybody tried to get me to calm down and my mum said i was being unfair. i haven’t spoken to my dad since even though he keeps apologising for what happened. my siblings have told me it wasn’t his fault so i shouldn’t have yelled at him the way i did and i should blame the girls for crashing my party instead. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i found out a year ago that my dad has had multiple mistresses his entire marriage and has at least two suspected children that he doesn’t acknowledge. my mum has known all along but it was a huge shock for myself and my siblings. my dad has worked very hard to earn back our trust so we chose to forgive him and try to get back to normal. it was my engagement party two weeks ago. everything was perfect until my suspected half-sisters turned up to confront my dad in front of everybody. it was one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me and i was so angry and upset that they would choose my engagement party to do this. my fiancé’s uncle had them kicked out but the damage was already done. i wanted to cry so badly so my fiancé took me into a room away from everybody else so i could calm down. my parents and in-laws came to check up on me and i just lost control and started yelling at my dad. i told him it was his fault my engagement party was ruined and i said i hated him. everybody tried to get me to calm down and my mum said i was being unfair. i haven’t spoken to my dad since even though he keeps apologising for what happened. my siblings have told me it wasn’t his fault so i shouldn’t have yelled at him the way i did and i should blame the girls for crashing my party instead. aita? [/INST] info how did these people even know about the party? </s>
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AITA to be mad at my friend for creating a fursona out of my cat?
|
this is a dumb situation to be in, i know, but i really just need a bit of feedback on it. i genuinely can't figure out if i'm ta.
my best friend (24m) is a furry. he's pretty well known in the local furry community and his fursona has 5k+ followers online. i'm not a furry myself but i respect the creativity and hustle of the people who make fursuits, fanart, etc. within the community.
i (25f) also have a cat. i live alone except for my cat and i've been working from home since march 2020, so i tend to take a lot of photos and send them to my friends. this particular friend loves my cat and often bemoans the fact that he can't have a cat himself, due to his dad's allergies.
well, for the past few months, he's been "working on" a big secret project and wouldn't even give me a clue as to what it is. he's been building it up on his twitter too, saying that a surprise is coming for his audience. then, last week, he finally sent me a picture of his project - he has commissioned an overseas fursuit artist to create a brand new fursuit for him. and the fursuit character is my cat.
at first, i thought he was joking but when he started excitedly gushing about it, i realized that it's real. he has actually paid someone over six grand to create a custom fursuit that looks exactly like my cat, right down to her markings. and he's named the fursuit after her too (the character is male, but my cat has a gender-neutral name).
i got mad at him after that. i think it was just the shock of seeing what he had done. then he got mad at me, obviously, because he sees it as a huge compliment and he's spent a lot of money on it. but i just wish he had consulted me first - i feel uncomfortable with it and i'm mad at him but i can't really put my finger on why. he hasn't posted anything on social media yet, so i'm grateful to him for that at least.
like i said, i know this is a dumb situation - but aita here, after he spent all that money? am i gatekeeping my own cat?
| 2,005
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ps341w/aita_to_be_mad_at_my_friend_for_creating_a/
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2021-09-20 20:29:40
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info: what the actual fuck?
|
nta. it's just really presumptuous. he's taken something personal to you and turned it into something to monetize. feels like a violation/total lack of consideration for your feelings on it.
the closest analogy i can come up with is if i had some quirk/mannerism that was really distinct, and a friend made it a feature of one of their characters in a webcomic (or something). i'd probably be ok with it, but only if they approached me about it first.
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nta. i don’t know much about furries. so correct me if i’m wrong. but is this not a kink? or is it just a fantasy style role play? i guess i always assumed it was a sexual thing.
either way i’d be extremely creeped out. he idolizes your cat in a very strange way and i’d probably not let him interact with my cat if it was my friend. obsession breeds some weird situations.
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nta, as he is functionally role playing and/or impersonating your pet without your (or your pet's) consent.
and he is opening your pet up to be sexualized by the community, again, without your consent.
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nta because it doesn’t seem like you have a problem with him being a furry, it’s the fact that he’s having a buffalo bill moment with your cat. he can be any “fursona” he wants but he wants to be your cat and that’s why it’s creepy. what turns it from single white female to silence of the lambs kind of creepy is that he’s actually making an exact fur suit to become your cat. he’s not doing an homage to your cat, he’s as close as you can get to wearing your cat like a suit and that’s full on creepy.
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ok if your friend can afford a $6k catsuit he can afford to move out of his dads house and buy a cat. it’s creepy he did that. nta
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[deleted]
|
i am by no means an expert on furries. i have literally 1 friend who's a furry. he's told me (and i am not speaking verbatim here) that a "fursona" is something unique to each person in the community, and (at least for him) his fursona is based on an animal that he's always felt spoke to him - the red fox. the fursona itself is a repository for not just his expression of that inward self...but yes, also a lot of his kinks. (no judgment from me). i'm not sure what he spent on the suit, but i do know it was pretty expensive, that he saved for a long time for it, and he's been very happy to wear it now that it's here.
so, based on this *purely anecdotal* evidence, i'm going to say: nah.
i'm going to assume your friend's interest in *being a cat just like the cat you own* is rooted in his deep love for your cat *because it's a cat* and he feels like he's really a cat (fursona wise, at least). i'm sure he thought you'd be flattered, too. clearly...he was mistaken in that regard.
he's not an ah tho - it's a deeply personal thing to go out and do what he's done. it's not a spur of the moment thing, by any means.
nor are you an ah. it's totally ok to be really weirded out by this, the suddenness of it, and the potential implications of your furry friend *wanting to be your furry friend*.
i think, if you love your friend and he loves you, this is something you work through.
good luck
|
it feels invasive …… but i can’t quite explain why….. it’s like someone creating a character of your child kind of, it’s just…..intrusive.
reading this made me feel like if i were in this situation i’d feel kind of like something that was mine and just mine, my little cat - had suddenly been made into someone else’s? without my permission? and i don’t know if that’s the case here with op but it’s kind of just sitting weirdly with me.
the way i would cope if your friend won’t stop because you’re uncomfortable (which they should have asked beforehand) is to i guess try and imagine that this is your cats fan group and your cat is now a celebrity.
but again this should have been asked beforehand if you’d be ok with this
|
what a time to be alive. nta.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
| 0.012234
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a dumb situation to be in, i know, but i really just need a bit of feedback on it. i genuinely can't figure out if i'm ta. my best friend (24m) is a furry. he's pretty well known in the local furry community and his fursona has 5k+ followers online. i'm not a furry myself but i respect the creativity and hustle of the people who make fursuits, fanart, etc. within the community. i (25f) also have a cat. i live alone except for my cat and i've been working from home since march 2020, so i tend to take a lot of photos and send them to my friends. this particular friend loves my cat and often bemoans the fact that he can't have a cat himself, due to his dad's allergies. well, for the past few months, he's been "working on" a big secret project and wouldn't even give me a clue as to what it is. he's been building it up on his twitter too, saying that a surprise is coming for his audience. then, last week, he finally sent me a picture of his project - he has commissioned an overseas fursuit artist to create a brand new fursuit for him. and the fursuit character is my cat. at first, i thought he was joking but when he started excitedly gushing about it, i realized that it's real. he has actually paid someone over six grand to create a custom fursuit that looks exactly like my cat, right down to her markings. and he's named the fursuit after her too (the character is male, but my cat has a gender-neutral name). i got mad at him after that. i think it was just the shock of seeing what he had done. then he got mad at me, obviously, because he sees it as a huge compliment and he's spent a lot of money on it. but i just wish he had consulted me first - i feel uncomfortable with it and i'm mad at him but i can't really put my finger on why. he hasn't posted anything on social media yet, so i'm grateful to him for that at least. like i said, i know this is a dumb situation - but aita here, after he spent all that money? am i gatekeeping my own cat?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a dumb situation to be in, i know, but i really just need a bit of feedback on it. i genuinely can't figure out if i'm ta. my best friend (24m) is a furry. he's pretty well known in the local furry community and his fursona has 5k+ followers online. i'm not a furry myself but i respect the creativity and hustle of the people who make fursuits, fanart, etc. within the community. i (25f) also have a cat. i live alone except for my cat and i've been working from home since march 2020, so i tend to take a lot of photos and send them to my friends. this particular friend loves my cat and often bemoans the fact that he can't have a cat himself, due to his dad's allergies. well, for the past few months, he's been "working on" a big secret project and wouldn't even give me a clue as to what it is. he's been building it up on his twitter too, saying that a surprise is coming for his audience. then, last week, he finally sent me a picture of his project - he has commissioned an overseas fursuit artist to create a brand new fursuit for him. and the fursuit character is my cat. at first, i thought he was joking but when he started excitedly gushing about it, i realized that it's real. he has actually paid someone over six grand to create a custom fursuit that looks exactly like my cat, right down to her markings. and he's named the fursuit after her too (the character is male, but my cat has a gender-neutral name). i got mad at him after that. i think it was just the shock of seeing what he had done. then he got mad at me, obviously, because he sees it as a huge compliment and he's spent a lot of money on it. but i just wish he had consulted me first - i feel uncomfortable with it and i'm mad at him but i can't really put my finger on why. he hasn't posted anything on social media yet, so i'm grateful to him for that at least. like i said, i know this is a dumb situation - but aita here, after he spent all that money? am i gatekeeping my own cat? [/INST] info: what the actual fuck? </s>
|
AITA for 'Spying' without advising anyone in advance?
|
new account. obvious reason.
married w/ 3 adult kids. all employed and moved out. six months ago, 24-year-old single daughter asked to move back home for a year to help save for an apartment. we agreed, and charged her only a small rent (that i planned to give back if she met her savings goals).
this past summer, wife and i went on a vacation and daughter, without our knowledge, held a party at the house. upon return, we noted items in the house damaged or missing. daughter admitted to what happened and committed to pay for damaged/stolen items.
i was upset and felt the privacy and sanctity of 'my castle' was violated. it made me sick to my stomach that strangers i didn't know were in my house and pilfered through my stuff. i got over it and we moved on. however, i made it very clear to my daughter that no visitors were allowed in our house in the future unless we were present and/or approved in advance.
fast forward to the holidays. after christmas, wife and i went on a 3-day getaway.
prior to leaving, i installed a wireless 'nanny-cam' device in the living room that is hooked up to the internet. i did it on my own without advising my wife and daughter - kind of like a 'trust-but-verify' situation.
after a day, i logged into the camera about 9:00 pm and although there wasn't a party going on, my daughter had a guy in the house engaging in an activity i can't unsee. i quickly turned the computer off and told my wife....and then shtf.
she accused me of violating my daughter's trust and dignity. she immediately called my daughter and advised that i was 'spying' on her - and our mini-getaway devolved into a series of mean-spirited comments and silent treatment. upon our return home, daughter was in the process of moving out, and without getting into specifics, i'm apparently the equivalent of pond scum.
in my defense, what i saw for all of 5 seconds was not expected on my part. daughter wasn't in a relationship or even dating. further, she violated my explicit rule of not having guests over....and there was only a single camera that covered the living room - not an area where there is normally an expectation of privacy.
although it's embarrassing all around, i don't think ita. i believe i was within my rights to protect and surveille my house in the manner that i did. wife's position is that i had no right to put a camera in the living room without her knowledge, and daughter's position is that if she knew about the camera, she wouldn’t have invited anyone over, but nevertheless believes she did nothing wrong, as she was a rent-paying adult, and was entitled to have a single person over, and what i did was a gross invasion of her privacy.
for the record...i didn't pass judgment. daughter is a mature adult and could have engaged in whatever legal activity she chose - just not in my house involving another person.
so here i am just over a week later, looking for the opinion of strangers on the internet? aita?
| 5,851
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1g3xy/aita_for_spying_without_advising_anyone_in_advance/
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2022-01-11 15:54:53
|
esh
you violated a trust.
she violated a trust.
your daughter is 24 and you expect her to not have a guest... she's an adult, and you've been charging her rent, no visitors is unreasonable for that age, don't care if you were planning to give her rent back or not.
|
nta
like you said "trust by verify"... its your home and she broke the rules you laid out to her!
btw, who the hell has sex on their parents sofa?! that's just gross!
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nta - why is everyone against this poor guy? he was robbed and incurred property damage last time he left for a few days cause by his daughter…not a tenant. if we presume one camera in a living room it’s no different than a nanny cam that no one else would object to. all the daughter had to do was tell her dad one guest was coming and do her activity in her room. his intent was not to see his daughter.
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soft nta or esh. you were protecting your home after daughter betrayed your trust and caused damage to your property. however, it would have been better to discuss your plan beforehand with your wife as she had a right to know what you were doing in her home as well.
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nta i'll give you a ding for not informing your wife. however, the camera was in a public room. you gave her a strict rule of no visitors after having a party where your possessions were stolen and destroyed. right there she can't be trusted.
" if she knew about the camera, she wouldn’t have invited anyone over,"
right. because she knew it was wrong. if anyone was sure they'd get caught they wouldn't do anything, right? under the terms of her 'rental agreement' she was not entitled to have anyone over without your permission. the fact that the minute you were gone she had someone over and did something you can't unsee in the living room was her way of giving you the middle finger-you can't tell me what to do! that is not the behavior of an adult. of course an adult wouldn't have trashed your house in the first place.
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yta - putting up cameras in the home without informing the adults that live there is disgusting. it’s actually vile.
you’ve shot yourself in the foot there, why not simply tell them you’ve done it. that would be enough to stop any potential party’s that may have happened.
i’m the same age as your daughter, i’d honestly never speak to you again tbh. you think she broke your trust, you’ve taken it to a whole different level.
|
esh, it is your house but she is living there and has a right to her own privacy to a certain extent, nothing wrong with the nanny cam but not mentioning it is unfair. hell she could just been walking around after a shower undressed and now you’ve violated her privacy without a doubt.
|
>i did it on my own without advising my wife and daughter - kind of like a 'trust-but-verify' situation.
here is where you lost me, bro. i have cameras in my house. everyone who is there 'unsupervised' (overnight guests, my kid's friends, etc) is told where they are. nevermind my wife and kid who live in the fucking house. my wife who is on the mortgage with me! i don't agree with not telling your daughter (especially since i think there is an expectation of privacy in the living room when no one is home), but i can see an argument being made. but you didnt tell your wife?!
this is your wife's god damned house! what if she was rubbing one out in the living room? would you want that on film?! did you set up your own server, or is your wife and daughter's unknowing activities being sent out on the internet so some schmuck at amazon or ring or whatever can watch?
monitor all you want but everyone should know that they are on camera. yta a hundred times over.
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yta. flip the situation around and ask yourself how it would make you feel if your wife, someone you share every day with and cohabitate with, set up a camera in a space you use without telling you. that would probably make you feel violated and upset.
i think some comments in op’s defense are missing the point here. it’s not about the camera, but the consent *to* the camera. it’s disrespectful and rude to not tell the people living in the home about a camera in a *common area of the house*. forget intentions or circumstances, op violated his family’s trust, and that is why i say yta.
|
yta.
you don't spy on people. you put your daughter in a really uncomfortable situation and possibly ruined your entire relationship with her for good. i don't blame her one bit for her reaction.
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.742377
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: new account. obvious reason. married w/ 3 adult kids. all employed and moved out. six months ago, 24-year-old single daughter asked to move back home for a year to help save for an apartment. we agreed, and charged her only a small rent (that i planned to give back if she met her savings goals). this past summer, wife and i went on a vacation and daughter, without our knowledge, held a party at the house. upon return, we noted items in the house damaged or missing. daughter admitted to what happened and committed to pay for damaged/stolen items. i was upset and felt the privacy and sanctity of 'my castle' was violated. it made me sick to my stomach that strangers i didn't know were in my house and pilfered through my stuff. i got over it and we moved on. however, i made it very clear to my daughter that no visitors were allowed in our house in the future unless we were present and/or approved in advance. fast forward to the holidays. after christmas, wife and i went on a 3-day getaway. prior to leaving, i installed a wireless 'nanny-cam' device in the living room that is hooked up to the internet. i did it on my own without advising my wife and daughter - kind of like a 'trust-but-verify' situation. after a day, i logged into the camera about 9:00 pm and although there wasn't a party going on, my daughter had a guy in the house engaging in an activity i can't unsee. i quickly turned the computer off and told my wife....and then shtf. she accused me of violating my daughter's trust and dignity. she immediately called my daughter and advised that i was 'spying' on her - and our mini-getaway devolved into a series of mean-spirited comments and silent treatment. upon our return home, daughter was in the process of moving out, and without getting into specifics, i'm apparently the equivalent of pond scum. in my defense, what i saw for all of 5 seconds was not expected on my part. daughter wasn't in a relationship or even dating. further, she violated my explicit rule of not having guests over....and there was only a single camera that covered the living room - not an area where there is normally an expectation of privacy. although it's embarrassing all around, i don't think ita. i believe i was within my rights to protect and surveille my house in the manner that i did. wife's position is that i had no right to put a camera in the living room without her knowledge, and daughter's position is that if she knew about the camera, she wouldn’t have invited anyone over, but nevertheless believes she did nothing wrong, as she was a rent-paying adult, and was entitled to have a single person over, and what i did was a gross invasion of her privacy. for the record...i didn't pass judgment. daughter is a mature adult and could have engaged in whatever legal activity she chose - just not in my house involving another person. so here i am just over a week later, looking for the opinion of strangers on the internet? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
new account. obvious reason. married w/ 3 adult kids. all employed and moved out. six months ago, 24-year-old single daughter asked to move back home for a year to help save for an apartment. we agreed, and charged her only a small rent (that i planned to give back if she met her savings goals). this past summer, wife and i went on a vacation and daughter, without our knowledge, held a party at the house. upon return, we noted items in the house damaged or missing. daughter admitted to what happened and committed to pay for damaged/stolen items. i was upset and felt the privacy and sanctity of 'my castle' was violated. it made me sick to my stomach that strangers i didn't know were in my house and pilfered through my stuff. i got over it and we moved on. however, i made it very clear to my daughter that no visitors were allowed in our house in the future unless we were present and/or approved in advance. fast forward to the holidays. after christmas, wife and i went on a 3-day getaway. prior to leaving, i installed a wireless 'nanny-cam' device in the living room that is hooked up to the internet. i did it on my own without advising my wife and daughter - kind of like a 'trust-but-verify' situation. after a day, i logged into the camera about 9:00 pm and although there wasn't a party going on, my daughter had a guy in the house engaging in an activity i can't unsee. i quickly turned the computer off and told my wife....and then shtf. she accused me of violating my daughter's trust and dignity. she immediately called my daughter and advised that i was 'spying' on her - and our mini-getaway devolved into a series of mean-spirited comments and silent treatment. upon our return home, daughter was in the process of moving out, and without getting into specifics, i'm apparently the equivalent of pond scum. in my defense, what i saw for all of 5 seconds was not expected on my part. daughter wasn't in a relationship or even dating. further, she violated my explicit rule of not having guests over....and there was only a single camera that covered the living room - not an area where there is normally an expectation of privacy. although it's embarrassing all around, i don't think ita. i believe i was within my rights to protect and surveille my house in the manner that i did. wife's position is that i had no right to put a camera in the living room without her knowledge, and daughter's position is that if she knew about the camera, she wouldn’t have invited anyone over, but nevertheless believes she did nothing wrong, as she was a rent-paying adult, and was entitled to have a single person over, and what i did was a gross invasion of her privacy. for the record...i didn't pass judgment. daughter is a mature adult and could have engaged in whatever legal activity she chose - just not in my house involving another person. so here i am just over a week later, looking for the opinion of strangers on the internet? aita? [/INST] esh you violated a trust. she violated a trust. your daughter is 24 and you expect her to not have a guest... she's an adult, and you've been charging her rent, no visitors is unreasonable for that age, don't care if you were planning to give her rent back or not. </s>
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop talking about her period because it’s gross?
|
throwaway for obvious reasons
so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear.
i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross.
she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating.
i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility.
she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole.
| 11,598
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bbtere/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_stop_talking/
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2019-04-11 00:07:45
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yta.
if you’re not mature enough to listen to her just mention her period you’re not mature enough to date anyone.
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yta. if she were talking about it obsessively that would be obnoxious. but you need to grow up.
and way to basically shame her for her body's natural functions.
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yta. from your title i expected to read how she explained to you in every little detail almost black blood clots, and bleeding, and colour, and smell and how it's tacky.
grow up dude, and get over yourself. periods are normal.
also,
> i don't need to know because i'm not a girl
agrument
i hope you don't view sex this way too. you are not a girl, therefore why would you use contraception, it's not like you can grow a baby inside of you, right???
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yta. if you can't handle the details of the reproduction system, like periods, you're not mature enough to be having sex.
it's a natural bodily function. get over it.
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yta. time to grow up, buddy. if she can deal with blood gushing out of her hoohaw once a month, you can deal with her mentioning it every once in a while. if not, you are too young for the v.
|
yta
>we aren’t sexually active as she is uncomfortable with it. so it doesn’t really seem like it’s my responsibility for what her body goes through.
maybe if you had treated her like a person, and hadn't totally shut her down when she mentioned she bled through her underwear she might feel less uncomfortable with the thought of having sex. she wasn't asking you to take responsibility for her body, she was asking for basic respect.
"ugh, i bled through my underwear. i hate when that happens".
"oh yeah, that's gotta suck."
literally all you had to do. instead you went the "ew gross don't talk about that to me that's not *my* responsibility" route like she was describing period clots and poops in vivid detail while making you hand clean her underwear and sheets. grow up.
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yta. no question. you need to do some growing up.
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i had to make a whole new one because of your edit
yta yta yta
listen, you guys might not be sexually active, but it’s still something you should know about. she wasn’t forcing you to look at it or anything, if she was just briefly mentioning it then it’s no big deal.
you’re 16, grow up, if you want a girlfriend then you should be able to handle a little bit of complaining about bleeding through her underwear.
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yta. nonstop, intense detail is one thing but she's right. if you're going to date women, it's something you've got to put on your big boy boxers for and learn to deal with. hell, flow and cramps can be health/pregnancy indicators. those are pretty important.
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yta. i bet she thinks a lot of what you do is gross but keeps it to herself.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear. i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross. she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating. i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility. she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear. i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross. she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating. i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility. she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole. [/INST] yta. if you’re not mature enough to listen to her just mention her period you’re not mature enough to date anyone. </s>
|
AITA for telling my Neurologist I will make sure my family will sue him?
|
ok, backstory, i have epilepsy and there is exactly 1 neurologist in my city.
i had been seizure free for almost 2 years and i started nursing school this fall, i was doing well, and boom! seizure. grand mal can barely move for days after. had to medically withdraw and can't drive. the neurologist recommended this new medication that has to be mailed and has some pretty scary side effects, not the least of which says, if you suddenly stop taking this medication you can have uncontrolled unstoppable seizures. thank you so much.
ok so they assure me it's all good it's all set i'm not gonna run out.
the week before thanksgiving i notice i have less than a week and no shipment has arrived. i start calling my local pharmacy, then the company, then i leave messages at the neurologist because "closed for holidays" monday comes and i have 3 pills, no meds and keep getting "leave a message" at the neurologist, the local pharmacy says no prescription, i have had no delivery, and the company says they faxed the neuro in november to tell him to send the prescription here locally.
while i was on the phone with the drug company i asked the lady how bad would it be if i had to go a day or so without these pills, the first thing she says is, "well, we don't like to think negatively, but you need to call your doctor now, hang up with me and call them now so if we have to we can get this expedited." so that does not make me any less anxious.
i call the doctor again, only to be told leave a message again, and i am starting to panic. i can't drive over there, i am single so no partner to drive me, and we don't have public transportation here. the reception just would say if it's emergency call 911. well, it's not an emergency yet, but what the hell!?!
so i called someone in my family that used to work there to see if they could get someone to understand and they gave me a number to call and i did and they, again, told me to leave a message.
i left a message that said, basically, they should be ashamed of themselves because even tho i had only been through half a semester of nursing school, they taught us that compassion was key, and here i was about to have uncontrolled seizures from their neglect and they couldn't give 2 shits, and i had already left messages and this was important and if i ran out of meds, had uncontrolled seizures and died then i'd make sure my family sued every last gd one of them.
so they finally call back and say the med company was the ones that messed up (even tho i called the med company and they said they faxed the dr on nov 14) and the medicine will be overnight shipped to me. i apologized for my language and they said "that's fine we all get upset". i thought it was all good.
now today i have a notice in my mailbox of a certified letter i have to go sign for, i think they are firing me as a patient. i have been trying to find another neuro nearby and google is coming up empty.
was i wrong for being so panicked and upset?
| 3,253
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9sq61/aita_for_telling_my_neurologist_i_will_make_sure/
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2020-12-09 14:25:41
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nah - it was normal to be upset. however if you threaten to sue a doctor they aren't going to want to see you anymore.
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not saying you're the ass hole, but you threatened to sue them knowing there was no other option for a neurologist so regardless of whos an asshole you've cut your nose off in spite your face.
malpractice insurance is super expensive and they generally don't care if you're in the right or not. why should they take such a high risk ?
if you started the meds going into a holiday and didn't notice you were low until you had less than a weeks worth of a highly important medication and no support system than you weren't paying much attention.
i can tell you first hand it could just as easily be anyone else in the line uo to have dropped the ball. lots of faxes get misrouted, lost, misread etc.
a bit late for reflection, perhaps next time don't be so quick to blame anything other than the ridiculous medical care system that requires too many hurdles and red tape simply to aquire a refill of life saving medications.... unfortunately lots of the red tape and hurdles are required impart due to lawsuits.
|
[deleted]
|
nta.
they put you on meds that can have very adverse effects on your health.
you called and spoke rashly out of panic for your own safety, which was a direct result of the shit they put you on.
i’d actually get in contact with a lawyer. if they didn’t do their due diligence in selecting this medication for you (that has the potential to lead to your death should you be unable to get the refill) when there are other safer alternatives around, that could open them up to some serious legal action.
|
nta. they dropped the ball big time and you were panicking. i get panicky if i'm about to run out of meds and my withdrawal effects aren't even nearly that dire. you gave them weeks notice.
is there legal recourse available to you if they drop you as a patient when you have no other sources of care? check and see what legal options you have locally. they sound super unreliable tbh, i'm sorry you're stuck with them. maybe at some point you can move to a place with better medical care.
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nta for being worried, but you can not be surprised they dropped you as a patient. suing a physician is a very serious matter that can result in the lose of their license, so they do not take that lightly. physicians are just one of those matters where threatening to sue is most definitely not going to help you get you way (not saying that is what you did, just in general)
|
oh dear, i remember the early days of nursing school thinking everything we learned about empathy and patient care was put into practice irl. i guess they dont start talking about malpractice insurance til the last year of school...and yeah, it sucks but never threaten to sue a hcp. you too will understand this someday. people are extremely litigious (and sometimes due to no fault of your own as the hcp), and because of this, nobody is going to keep a patient who threatens to sue. especially when you could have feasibly had a case against them (or whomever is proven to be the party of error in this situation).
sounds like if this doc is the only neuro in town, then they are possibly overburdened by pt load and therefore your case fell thru the cracks. its a shame, but maybe try reaching out to a neuro you could see via telehealth after an initial appt in a nearby-ish city?!! its more possible than ever w/ covid having changed the rules for this type of thing!
|
nta. i reeeeally wonder if the people saying y t a would have the same opinion if you were a diabetic who was about to run out of insulin.
should you have threatened to sue? probably not, because it got you dropped by your neurologist, but it also got them to give you your damn medication. the fact that the american healthcare system is broken doesn’t mean that you’re an asshole. this is “am i the asshole?”, not “was this the best possible choice i could have made in the moment, considering our flawed legal system?”
also, i want to point out that even if it was that, what you did might have been the best choice even though it did get you dropped. it’s possible that if they had kept ignoring your messages, you would have run out of medication, had a seizure, and sustained brain damage or worse. this way you’ve at least bought yourself some time to figure out something else. the situation is essentially that you’ve made life somewhat harder for yourself in the future by saving your own life in the moment.
|
nta my niece has seizures and my sister had an issue with getting one of her medications, it took the pharmacy tech, the nurse practitioner and my sister calling the insurance company in order to get the medication. missing seizure maintenance drugs isn’t really an option.
|
i work at a doctors office and alot of the times the doctor writes the prescription & gives it to the patient or one of us (his technicians) have to call in the prescription. im not sure where you're from but lately all the pharmacist here have not been filling prescriptions even after its been called in like 3 to 5 times & they think its okay to tell our patients that we havent called it in & they then have to call us multiple times while extremely angry & we just have to reassure them & call in & wait until we know for sure that the pharmacist has refilled it. its ridiculous.
most doctors offices were only closed thursday and friday for thanksgiving. it is most definitely not the doctors because he more than likely is not the who fills prescriptions, it could be the pharmacy or the people working at the office neglecting to stay on top of things.
|
NAH
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.001294
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, backstory, i have epilepsy and there is exactly 1 neurologist in my city. i had been seizure free for almost 2 years and i started nursing school this fall, i was doing well, and boom! seizure. grand mal can barely move for days after. had to medically withdraw and can't drive. the neurologist recommended this new medication that has to be mailed and has some pretty scary side effects, not the least of which says, if you suddenly stop taking this medication you can have uncontrolled unstoppable seizures. thank you so much. ok so they assure me it's all good it's all set i'm not gonna run out. the week before thanksgiving i notice i have less than a week and no shipment has arrived. i start calling my local pharmacy, then the company, then i leave messages at the neurologist because "closed for holidays" monday comes and i have 3 pills, no meds and keep getting "leave a message" at the neurologist, the local pharmacy says no prescription, i have had no delivery, and the company says they faxed the neuro in november to tell him to send the prescription here locally. while i was on the phone with the drug company i asked the lady how bad would it be if i had to go a day or so without these pills, the first thing she says is, "well, we don't like to think negatively, but you need to call your doctor now, hang up with me and call them now so if we have to we can get this expedited." so that does not make me any less anxious. i call the doctor again, only to be told leave a message again, and i am starting to panic. i can't drive over there, i am single so no partner to drive me, and we don't have public transportation here. the reception just would say if it's emergency call 911. well, it's not an emergency yet, but what the hell!?! so i called someone in my family that used to work there to see if they could get someone to understand and they gave me a number to call and i did and they, again, told me to leave a message. i left a message that said, basically, they should be ashamed of themselves because even tho i had only been through half a semester of nursing school, they taught us that compassion was key, and here i was about to have uncontrolled seizures from their neglect and they couldn't give 2 shits, and i had already left messages and this was important and if i ran out of meds, had uncontrolled seizures and died then i'd make sure my family sued every last gd one of them. so they finally call back and say the med company was the ones that messed up (even tho i called the med company and they said they faxed the dr on nov 14) and the medicine will be overnight shipped to me. i apologized for my language and they said "that's fine we all get upset". i thought it was all good. now today i have a notice in my mailbox of a certified letter i have to go sign for, i think they are firing me as a patient. i have been trying to find another neuro nearby and google is coming up empty. was i wrong for being so panicked and upset?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok, backstory, i have epilepsy and there is exactly 1 neurologist in my city. i had been seizure free for almost 2 years and i started nursing school this fall, i was doing well, and boom! seizure. grand mal can barely move for days after. had to medically withdraw and can't drive. the neurologist recommended this new medication that has to be mailed and has some pretty scary side effects, not the least of which says, if you suddenly stop taking this medication you can have uncontrolled unstoppable seizures. thank you so much. ok so they assure me it's all good it's all set i'm not gonna run out. the week before thanksgiving i notice i have less than a week and no shipment has arrived. i start calling my local pharmacy, then the company, then i leave messages at the neurologist because "closed for holidays" monday comes and i have 3 pills, no meds and keep getting "leave a message" at the neurologist, the local pharmacy says no prescription, i have had no delivery, and the company says they faxed the neuro in november to tell him to send the prescription here locally. while i was on the phone with the drug company i asked the lady how bad would it be if i had to go a day or so without these pills, the first thing she says is, "well, we don't like to think negatively, but you need to call your doctor now, hang up with me and call them now so if we have to we can get this expedited." so that does not make me any less anxious. i call the doctor again, only to be told leave a message again, and i am starting to panic. i can't drive over there, i am single so no partner to drive me, and we don't have public transportation here. the reception just would say if it's emergency call 911. well, it's not an emergency yet, but what the hell!?! so i called someone in my family that used to work there to see if they could get someone to understand and they gave me a number to call and i did and they, again, told me to leave a message. i left a message that said, basically, they should be ashamed of themselves because even tho i had only been through half a semester of nursing school, they taught us that compassion was key, and here i was about to have uncontrolled seizures from their neglect and they couldn't give 2 shits, and i had already left messages and this was important and if i ran out of meds, had uncontrolled seizures and died then i'd make sure my family sued every last gd one of them. so they finally call back and say the med company was the ones that messed up (even tho i called the med company and they said they faxed the dr on nov 14) and the medicine will be overnight shipped to me. i apologized for my language and they said "that's fine we all get upset". i thought it was all good. now today i have a notice in my mailbox of a certified letter i have to go sign for, i think they are firing me as a patient. i have been trying to find another neuro nearby and google is coming up empty. was i wrong for being so panicked and upset? [/INST] nah - it was normal to be upset. however if you threaten to sue a doctor they aren't going to want to see you anymore. </s>
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AITA for not letting the kids go alone to see their dad in his homecountry?
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apologies, english isn't my first language.
i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before.
ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no.
| 8,281
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulqpsz/aita_for_not_letting_the_kids_go_alone_to_see/
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2022-05-09 13:01:12
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yta. they're 18, not 5. kids travel cross countries all the time at much younger ages. you're being horribly selfish to a dying man.
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yta
they are 19 and 18? they are technically adults. why would you prevent them from seeing their dying father?
&#x200b;
info: what country is this? is their trafficking concerns?
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[deleted]
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yta. 10000% yta. your kids are legal adults and don't actually need you permission to do anything. you're keeping them from their father because you are uncomfortable?? really? that's their dad, they want to see him and you're being selfish about it. you pu don't even have to pay for the trip. if their dad dies and they didn't get to have an actual goodbye because of you, then i hope they go low contact with you because you deserve that for depriving them of their other parent who obviously loves his kids and wants to see them in his last moments. imagine if it was you i'm his place and he refused to let you see your kids on what could possibly be your death bed. like get your head out if your rear.
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> 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of
wait, what? they're adults, don't they have custody of themselves?
not your choice anymore. and it seems like their grandmother is willing to help them out (which i hope includes helping them find a place to stay while they're visiting).
anyway, yta. and not your choice.
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i was going to say n-t-a until i read their ages.
at 18 and 19 they are adults and may go if they wish without your consent. if you prevent them from going you may well cause resentment that will last a lifetime.
yta.
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yta. your childrens father is dying and you are denying them a chance to say goodbye. they are adults, let them do what they like.
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yta.
i honestly thought there’d be some redeeming nugget but as i read on, my mind was blown. their father may die and they’re not even children. they’re adults.
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yta. either make time or let them go. i would *never* forgive you if you prevented me from seeing my father before he died.
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[deleted]
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: apologies, english isn't my first language. i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before. ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
apologies, english isn't my first language. i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before. ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no. [/INST] yta. they're 18, not 5. kids travel cross countries all the time at much younger ages. you're being horribly selfish to a dying man. </s>
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AITA for asking for a morning off from my baby on the weekends?
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my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one.
on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways .
recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour.
but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out.
i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep?
| 13,992
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yvacq1/aita_for_asking_for_a_morning_off_from_my_baby_on/
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2022-11-14 19:45:33
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yta, if she's taking all the night duty because you don't wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night. you want a morning off, give her a night off.
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yta - you don't think she wants to just chill out and do something on her own time? she's working too by not just going to work, but also taking care of the baby. the least you could do is give her some time to sleep in. she's right; you can nap and do whatever, she can't. and unless you're going to offer to take over the feeding through formula, the only time she gets a break is if baby is sleeping or she's off to work.
give up your extra hour of sleep; give it to your wife, who does so much.
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i needed night time support from my partner when my child was a newborn. he didn't take it serious and it took more effort from me to wake him up to help than it was to just do it myself. i stopped feeling like a human. the resentment never went away. we divorced when the kid was 2.
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rip op
you're going to be buried in the yta judgements here.
she works pt, takes care of baby, has to do all the housework, has to do all of the night feedings, can't sleep.... but sure, you'd like an hour.
you are out of the house all week, and you do what, spend one hour a day "helping" to take care of your kid? and would like more time to play games?
you have no idea what her day looks like, do you? take three days off, and send her on a mini vacay to sleep somewhere, and see all the stuff that she does on a daily basis, on repeat.
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yta - so you get a complete full night uninterrupted sleep because you don’t wake up (deep sleep, whatever) to feed/change your child and you still want more sleep? your child wakes up at 7am…. that’s pretty conservative really…. mine are up at 5am…. the joy…. we did take it in turns to sleep in when they were little but that’s because we both took turns at night…..
edit to add -> what’s the difference between an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon???? still wasted hour you can’t play video games and chill……
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yta - she's perpetually sleep deprived and an extra 1-2 hours on the weekend can make all the difference. meanwhile, you get a full night's sleep every single night
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yta, you would rather play video games then help your exhausted wife get an extra hour of sleep?! why do people marry people like you?! my husband was constantly trying to take our kids so i could get sleep (especially when i was up nursing every few hours).
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give her my contact info i'll keep her happy.
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info: when was the last time your wife got more than 6 hours of sleep in a row?
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i have read your post and some of your responses. i am honestly blown away by how selfish you are and how you don’t seem to see it. but actually i think you are more than aware of it and are perfectly okay with being selfish so long as all your needs are met.
as a former breast feeding mother i completely understand where you wife is coming from. her body aches, her hormones are out of whack, her nutrition might not be great, and she is exhausted mentally and physically. it is a kind of tired that you will never understand.
your wife need rest. she is verbalizing to you that she needs help. and she’s not asking you to help by feeding the baby overnight with pumped breast milk. because god forbid, you wake up in the night. she’s simply asking you to let her catch up on the rest she’s not getting right now.
i don’t think you can understand just how quickly someone can lose themselves when they become and mom and breast feed. her entire existence has become 100% about someone else. and she does it every day. and she takes care of you. so who takes care of her? what will it take for you to realize she needs help since her asking for it didn’t seem to be enough?
it’s time to grow up. it’s time to put the needs of your wife and baby ahead of your own because that is what it means to be a parent and a husband and an adult. stop congratulating yourself for making your own lunches on occasion. stop patting yourself on the back for giving her a break when you get home. a break that i am sure is really just her doing laundry, or cooking, or bathing. those are not breaks.
your child deserves better from you. and your wife cannot be the parent she wants to be when she is exhausted and unsupported. this is how marriages end. because she signed up to be your wife, not your mommy.
to put this into perspective for you, think of it this way. if your wife disappeared tomorrow, your entire life and home would be in shambles. if you disappeared tomorrow her life would be pretty much exactly the same except for that all important break when you get home from work. you shouldn’t be okay with that kind of imbalance in your relationship.
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.02053
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one. on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways . recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour. but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out. i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one. on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways . recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour. but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out. i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep? [/INST] yta, if she's taking all the night duty because you don't wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night. you want a morning off, give her a night off. </s>
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AITA for jaywalking with my 5-year-old daughter or is my husband the asshole for saying I failed at "my only job" (parenting)
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my husband and our two kids were playing at at a park across the street from a library. we were leaving and crossing the street to head to our car. the street is a one way street and there is a crosswalk in the middle. this is not a major city or anything. we are a university town with 95 thousand while school is in session, and traffic was light at this time.
my 5-year-old daughter and i were crossing the street together and we were on the sidewalk right across from our car. rather than walk to the cross walk, i instructed my daughter to visually assess for cars and since there were none in sight, we crossed quickly. this made my husband livid.
he said i was endangering our daughter by failing to teach her to go to the crosswalk. he said teaching her to cross the street correctly is something i should be able to do because teaching the kids is my "only job" and i failed. i explained that i instructed our daughter to visually assess for danger, looking both ways, before crossing and i thought this was adequate for this situation. he said it wasn't and that i didn't know how to teach her because i "grew up playing in junkyards;" (i grew up very poor and did in fact play in a junkyard as a child.) he then said i didn't know how to cross the street correctly because no one cared enough to teach me how. and then he said literally every mother would agree with him that i was incompetent and reckless for crossing the street this way.
he said all of this in front of our children who are 5 and 2.
i guess i'm just wondering if what he said was true and necessary because i'm an asshole for jaywalking or if it crossed a line.
insight appreciated.
| 1,546
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dz2mfc/aita_for_jaywalking_with_my_5yearold_daughter_or/
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2019-11-20 14:16:26
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esh, kinda. him more than you just from his attitude about everything.
he acted like an asshole, but seriously - teach your kid how to use a crosswalk. instill good, safe habits early - you/they may not always be living in a university town of low traffic. more than that, there are still plenty of cops out there who will ticket for jaywalking and it's a stupid, easily avoidable expense.
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nta. dear sweet lord. your husband is a *jerk*. he's using your upbringing to shame you. what the hell. and in front of your *kids*?
should you have taken her to the crosswalk? sure. it's the proper thing to do. but teaching her to visually assess traffic is also a necessary skill. *and doing it the wrong way shouldn't be something to be yelled at for*. or shamed.
you need to have a sit down talk with your husband about how you two should handle parenting disagreements (like not undermining a parent in front of the kids!) and what sort of things are off-limits. i hope he responds well to that conversation.
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esh
kids that age can't really discern when something is safe or not. strict rules for road crossing are essential imo. your husband clearly overreacted though
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nta, you child will, at some point, not use a crosswalk. teaching her how to safely and cautiously walk across a street is probably good. my mom had us jaywalk like that in chicago all the time, as long as it was safe. it's not like you were standing 2 feet away from a cross walk.
on another note, your husband's behavior is concerning and a gross over reaction. if it's not already a red flag to you it should be.
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nta get some counseling or get a divorce. the way your husband treated you is unacceptable.
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nta. i mean, it's not like the crosswalk makes you immune to getting plowed over. i think a lot of people here, as well as your husband, are fixating/going to fixate on whether it's legal or not, but in my opinion you are doing the only important part - checking before crossing. you would only be ta if you crossed and expected an oncoming car to stop for you as if you were in a crosswalk and/or if the street was a busy one with lots of blind spots etc. that doesn't sound like the case here.
your husband is ta for making it personal and attacking your ability to be a parent and your past which is totally irrelevant.
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i’m a mother. i disagree with your husband profusely and think he’s an asshole.
imagine if your one job was to teach your kids how to cross the street. think of all the free time you’d have. oh wait, you don’t just sit around all day? because it’s not your one fucking job. everything’s your job. keeping them alive, fed, and relatively not shitty people for their ages is your job. are they alive? fed? relatively not shitty for their age? you are rocking at your job.
reddit is huge on rules. basically no one in real life crosses only at crosswalks when there’s literally no traffic or reason to. yes, as parents, we usually try to teach them the “proper” ways to do things, but teaching the safety basics and just f’ing crossing the street is fine.
is this how your husband normally talks to you? if so, then that is extremely worrisome. if not, and it was out of character. did he have a bug up his ass about something and flipped out about this random thing? we all do that sometimes, and you should ask him what’s really bothering him. but no, nta.
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nta, because his reaction and subsequent verbal abuse to you (it is, if this is an accurate account of what he said -- he belittled you, in front of the children, resorted to name calling, called you failure, etc in a completely unproductive and not in a 'constructive criticism or adult discussion sort of way) is wholly over the top for something as simple as crossing the god damn street. i would say esh because its probably a good idea to use the crosswalk to instill good behavior, but the vast chasm between your fault and his fault is so wide and deep that i'm absolutely willing to forgive your minor misjudgment, in light of just how much of a dickwad he sounds like.
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esh
why teach a child that young bad habits? it takes one time for them to make a bad choice and end up hurt or killed. but your husband seems like he’s using the opportunity to be an asshole, especially in front of your kids.
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nta
the 'crime' you committed does not warrant him speaking to you like that, especially in front of your children.
(in my country 'jaywalking' is not a thing. you can cross where you like as long as it's safe. you would be considered more of a bad mother if you ***didn't*** teach your children how to cross the road safely!)
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.139196
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and our two kids were playing at at a park across the street from a library. we were leaving and crossing the street to head to our car. the street is a one way street and there is a crosswalk in the middle. this is not a major city or anything. we are a university town with 95 thousand while school is in session, and traffic was light at this time. my 5-year-old daughter and i were crossing the street together and we were on the sidewalk right across from our car. rather than walk to the cross walk, i instructed my daughter to visually assess for cars and since there were none in sight, we crossed quickly. this made my husband livid. he said i was endangering our daughter by failing to teach her to go to the crosswalk. he said teaching her to cross the street correctly is something i should be able to do because teaching the kids is my "only job" and i failed. i explained that i instructed our daughter to visually assess for danger, looking both ways, before crossing and i thought this was adequate for this situation. he said it wasn't and that i didn't know how to teach her because i "grew up playing in junkyards;" (i grew up very poor and did in fact play in a junkyard as a child.) he then said i didn't know how to cross the street correctly because no one cared enough to teach me how. and then he said literally every mother would agree with him that i was incompetent and reckless for crossing the street this way. he said all of this in front of our children who are 5 and 2. i guess i'm just wondering if what he said was true and necessary because i'm an asshole for jaywalking or if it crossed a line. insight appreciated.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and our two kids were playing at at a park across the street from a library. we were leaving and crossing the street to head to our car. the street is a one way street and there is a crosswalk in the middle. this is not a major city or anything. we are a university town with 95 thousand while school is in session, and traffic was light at this time. my 5-year-old daughter and i were crossing the street together and we were on the sidewalk right across from our car. rather than walk to the cross walk, i instructed my daughter to visually assess for cars and since there were none in sight, we crossed quickly. this made my husband livid. he said i was endangering our daughter by failing to teach her to go to the crosswalk. he said teaching her to cross the street correctly is something i should be able to do because teaching the kids is my "only job" and i failed. i explained that i instructed our daughter to visually assess for danger, looking both ways, before crossing and i thought this was adequate for this situation. he said it wasn't and that i didn't know how to teach her because i "grew up playing in junkyards;" (i grew up very poor and did in fact play in a junkyard as a child.) he then said i didn't know how to cross the street correctly because no one cared enough to teach me how. and then he said literally every mother would agree with him that i was incompetent and reckless for crossing the street this way. he said all of this in front of our children who are 5 and 2. i guess i'm just wondering if what he said was true and necessary because i'm an asshole for jaywalking or if it crossed a line. insight appreciated. [/INST] esh, kinda. him more than you just from his attitude about everything. he acted like an asshole, but seriously - teach your kid how to use a crosswalk. instill good, safe habits early - you/they may not always be living in a university town of low traffic. more than that, there are still plenty of cops out there who will ticket for jaywalking and it's a stupid, easily avoidable expense. </s>
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AITA for making my sons ex girlfriend cry?
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i 65m and my family have a cabin in cottage country and nearby my sons exes family has a place. my son dated his ex for about 6 years but we barely knew the girl. she would never talk to us, kind of turned her nose up at us i guess you could say and my son was often unhappy.
this girl also used to say things to him (in front of his mother and i) like he would be a bad dad because he plays games (me and his mom and two sisters do too for that matter. as a family we used to play lol and wow, mtg, creatures.) not in an obsessive way mind you by her own admission it was about 2 hours a day, less than my daughters even.
she also said we would be bad grandparents to him once because my wife and i are a bit on the heavier side. overall i won’t lie we were happy when he split from her. still of course whenever we see her we are kind and cordial, she’s just a kid, but yesterday we had a weird interaction and now i wonder if i was an asshole about it.
my wife and the girls mother are on an acquaintance basis and they are rarely up here as their place is owned by the moms brother. yesterday we were in town stocking up for the weekend and we ran into them.
they got to talking and my wife mentioned our son and his wife had a little girl recently and we are grandparents now. there was the usual picture showing. the mom asked if they would be up with the baby this year and my wife said no because they had moved a few hours away and the little one is too small to travel but they would be up next year.
my sons ex chimed in and said “bet you wish i was your dil so your grandkid would be closer!” i couldn’t help it but i laughed pretty loud and said “no.” i could have said a bunch more like how my dil actually is our friend and gets to know us and puts in effort and treats my son well, makes him happy etc., but i left it at the no.
afterward my wife thanked me because she said she didn’t know what she was going to respond to that but i guess the girls mom did text my wife and made a comment that i was an asshole to the kid (31f) and made her really upset. my wife thinks i should apologise if i see her again to keep the peace but i don’t really want to, i think she kind of caused the whole thing with her weird comment no?
| 2,564
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w0jwb3/aita_for_making_my_sons_ex_girlfriend_cry/
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2022-07-16 16:01:36
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nah. it was a gut reaction, you didn't intend to upset her. and it was the truth! it's a weird thing for her to say anyway, i'm not sure how you could have responded in a way that made her happy without lying.
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nta, you didn’t do anything wrong. you just said no and why would she even make a remark like that to begin with
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nta, i sense bitterness from the ex, but the ex put you in an awkward position
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nta
no need to lie to her. she asked a question and you answered.
it would be much more unhealthy if she thought that you secretly wished that you married son would get back with her.
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nta she's not really a kid anymore at 31, she definitely knew her remark was snarky and rude. i've always thought that keeping the peace is overrated, and honestly why would you want to associate with this woman more anyway? if you really like her mom i guess you could consider it, but really it seems like it would be better if this woman doesn't talk with you anymore.
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nah - she really shouldn't ask questions she might not like the answers to if she can't handle it. you weren't rude, just matter-of-fact and did not go into detail.
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nta so it is ok for her to make a snide comment but not you? i see where she got her attitude.
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nta - at 31 she's not a kid, she needs to be a grown-up and responsible for her own feelings. her comment was inappropriate, and your response was natural. sure, if this was a movie, there might have been a scripted response that left everyone feeling good about the interaction, but even as a disinterested stranger under no pressure of audience or time, i have no idea what it would be.
a bigger point to me - and i'm surprised this wasn't the core issue of the story - it's probably better if you don't share information about your son with his ex and her mother. if she didn't already know that he just had a baby, then they didn't part as friends and remain in touch. if we are going to be concerned about her feelings at all, then bringing up her ex's happy new life without her can seem like a dig at her - telling her how good he has it without her. setting that aside, your son might not want to share his personal business with her. if my parents ran into my ex, i'd want them to offer the least interaction possible to satisfy their own sense of courtesy, ideally not more than a nod and then keep on walking.
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nta. if she couldn’t handle an honest response to her ridiculous comment, she shouldn’t have made it.
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nta. ex should be writing in asking if she’s t a for her weird remark. how are you supposed to respond to that in a way that doesn’t shit on your real dil.
most diplomatic response would have been something like “it’s a shame they’re so far away, wish we could see [sons name], [dils name], and the baby more often.” hard to come up with the perfect response on the spot, especially when someone is saying awkward passive aggressive shit.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 65m and my family have a cabin in cottage country and nearby my sons exes family has a place. my son dated his ex for about 6 years but we barely knew the girl. she would never talk to us, kind of turned her nose up at us i guess you could say and my son was often unhappy. this girl also used to say things to him (in front of his mother and i) like he would be a bad dad because he plays games (me and his mom and two sisters do too for that matter. as a family we used to play lol and wow, mtg, creatures.) not in an obsessive way mind you by her own admission it was about 2 hours a day, less than my daughters even. she also said we would be bad grandparents to him once because my wife and i are a bit on the heavier side. overall i won’t lie we were happy when he split from her. still of course whenever we see her we are kind and cordial, she’s just a kid, but yesterday we had a weird interaction and now i wonder if i was an asshole about it. my wife and the girls mother are on an acquaintance basis and they are rarely up here as their place is owned by the moms brother. yesterday we were in town stocking up for the weekend and we ran into them. they got to talking and my wife mentioned our son and his wife had a little girl recently and we are grandparents now. there was the usual picture showing. the mom asked if they would be up with the baby this year and my wife said no because they had moved a few hours away and the little one is too small to travel but they would be up next year. my sons ex chimed in and said “bet you wish i was your dil so your grandkid would be closer!” i couldn’t help it but i laughed pretty loud and said “no.” i could have said a bunch more like how my dil actually is our friend and gets to know us and puts in effort and treats my son well, makes him happy etc., but i left it at the no. afterward my wife thanked me because she said she didn’t know what she was going to respond to that but i guess the girls mom did text my wife and made a comment that i was an asshole to the kid (31f) and made her really upset. my wife thinks i should apologise if i see her again to keep the peace but i don’t really want to, i think she kind of caused the whole thing with her weird comment no?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 65m and my family have a cabin in cottage country and nearby my sons exes family has a place. my son dated his ex for about 6 years but we barely knew the girl. she would never talk to us, kind of turned her nose up at us i guess you could say and my son was often unhappy. this girl also used to say things to him (in front of his mother and i) like he would be a bad dad because he plays games (me and his mom and two sisters do too for that matter. as a family we used to play lol and wow, mtg, creatures.) not in an obsessive way mind you by her own admission it was about 2 hours a day, less than my daughters even. she also said we would be bad grandparents to him once because my wife and i are a bit on the heavier side. overall i won’t lie we were happy when he split from her. still of course whenever we see her we are kind and cordial, she’s just a kid, but yesterday we had a weird interaction and now i wonder if i was an asshole about it. my wife and the girls mother are on an acquaintance basis and they are rarely up here as their place is owned by the moms brother. yesterday we were in town stocking up for the weekend and we ran into them. they got to talking and my wife mentioned our son and his wife had a little girl recently and we are grandparents now. there was the usual picture showing. the mom asked if they would be up with the baby this year and my wife said no because they had moved a few hours away and the little one is too small to travel but they would be up next year. my sons ex chimed in and said “bet you wish i was your dil so your grandkid would be closer!” i couldn’t help it but i laughed pretty loud and said “no.” i could have said a bunch more like how my dil actually is our friend and gets to know us and puts in effort and treats my son well, makes him happy etc., but i left it at the no. afterward my wife thanked me because she said she didn’t know what she was going to respond to that but i guess the girls mom did text my wife and made a comment that i was an asshole to the kid (31f) and made her really upset. my wife thinks i should apologise if i see her again to keep the peace but i don’t really want to, i think she kind of caused the whole thing with her weird comment no? [/INST] nah. it was a gut reaction, you didn't intend to upset her. and it was the truth! it's a weird thing for her to say anyway, i'm not sure how you could have responded in a way that made her happy without lying. </s>
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AITA for saying “It’s not her fault she’s beautiful” about the woman my friend’s fiancé tried to leave her for?
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i have 3 childhood friends and we were all super close even in adulthood until emily’s fiancé broke up with her because he though he and alice were in love. alice was horrified and said she didn’t have feelings for him and she was only being nice to him because of emily but it still destroyed the friendship between emily and alice.
emily completely refused to be around alice, and while she claimed not to care if me and julia continued being friends with alice, it caused a strain on all of our relationships.
now i’m getting married and both emily and alice agreed they could be civil around each other as i wanted both of them in my wedding party. we all went bridesmaids dress shopping and alice, who is naturally very beautiful, looked great in everything. emily didn’t like anything and kept making passive aggressive remarks about alice and how i should be careful having her around my fiancé.
her fiancé left her 3 years ago and i know it’s completely destroyed emily’s confidence so i usually try to be sympathetic but i could see her words were getting to alice. i finally had enough and i snapped at emily that it wasn’t alice’s fault she was beautiful. she said whatever but i could see my words had hurt her and she looked teary eyed. she ended up leaving early and julia told me she’s considering not coming to the wedding because of what i said and how i said it.
aita?
| 2,018
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfixoj/aita_for_saying_its_not_her_fault_shes_beautiful/
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2022-06-19 00:15:24
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info: was this line the first thing you said to get emily to stop? or were there other, more well worded attempts first?
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esh except for alice.
emily shouldn't be taking things out on alice. it's not at all alice's fault.
you shouldn't have said what you said because to emily it certainly sounds like you're saying emily wasn't beautiful.
between the two of you, i would say emily is the bigger asshole though.
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i wonder if there was more to the alice/emily’s fiancé story than you know.
emily likely internalized that as you saying she *isn’t* beautiful, which is ah-ish
but she was also being ah-ish
they should probably not be put in situations together again
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he thought they were in love? - that's weird, is it definitely whole story?
if it is the whole story emily has been ta to alice for years.i can understand why you said it but the actual comment was kinda horrible.
i'll say nta overall but you could apologise for the comment and try to explain your point of view to her
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i think esh except alice.
alice probably didn’t appreciate what you said either as it implies the insane behaviour of emily’s ex-fiancé was somehow justified. like he had no self-control due to her beauty.
emily was being a jerk by blaming alice for something that was entirely her fiancés fault.
you had a right to be frustrated with emily, but you said something that probably only emphasised some sort of competition between the women. she’s already massively insecure around alice, so saying it in alice’s presence just made it worse.
if you had privately said “listen emily, you have no right to treat alice this way. she wasn’t responsible for your break up. get mad at your ex, not her.” i would have said n t a.
i think you should try to apologise in person but she may not be ready to come to your wedding anyway. this is less about what you said and more about her just not being over what happened with her fiancé. i hope she is getting therapy.
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i was about to give a negative judgement but then when i read the text, i could see you're really nta. it sucks what happened to emily and no one should have to go through that. but alice didn't actually do anything or cheat; you said she was horrified at the notion of being with emily's fiancé, right?
emily has every right to be upset about what her fiancé had done and it makes sense for her to feel all of those emotions.
however, it's not okay for her to be lashing out and taking out her problems on alice or others. it's not constructive and just passes the pain to other people.
hope things for all parties get better. 🙏🏾
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info: in what universe did you think having both of them in your bridal party was going to go well?
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esh-
the ex-fiancé being a fucking creep should be the reason not alice’s beauty. you suck for making it seem like it’s her fault for being beautiful and emily sucks because she needs to realize her ex was a literal creep
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yta. what you actually said was, "emily, if you were beautiful, your ex would have never left you."
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nta. standing up for alice was the right thing to do. emily obviously couldn't handle being in that setting without being civil.
i think the combination of weddings and alice are bringing up issues emily has been able to tuck away for a long time back to the forefront. even if it wasn't alice's fault, that's a big hurt that was caused and it's obviously still hurting emily. what her fiance did is the kind of trauma that will take a lot of therapy to get through. it might be best if emily doesn't come to your wedding if she can't handle being in that kind of setting with alice present.
|
INFO
|
ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.646108
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have 3 childhood friends and we were all super close even in adulthood until emily’s fiancé broke up with her because he though he and alice were in love. alice was horrified and said she didn’t have feelings for him and she was only being nice to him because of emily but it still destroyed the friendship between emily and alice. emily completely refused to be around alice, and while she claimed not to care if me and julia continued being friends with alice, it caused a strain on all of our relationships. now i’m getting married and both emily and alice agreed they could be civil around each other as i wanted both of them in my wedding party. we all went bridesmaids dress shopping and alice, who is naturally very beautiful, looked great in everything. emily didn’t like anything and kept making passive aggressive remarks about alice and how i should be careful having her around my fiancé. her fiancé left her 3 years ago and i know it’s completely destroyed emily’s confidence so i usually try to be sympathetic but i could see her words were getting to alice. i finally had enough and i snapped at emily that it wasn’t alice’s fault she was beautiful. she said whatever but i could see my words had hurt her and she looked teary eyed. she ended up leaving early and julia told me she’s considering not coming to the wedding because of what i said and how i said it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have 3 childhood friends and we were all super close even in adulthood until emily’s fiancé broke up with her because he though he and alice were in love. alice was horrified and said she didn’t have feelings for him and she was only being nice to him because of emily but it still destroyed the friendship between emily and alice. emily completely refused to be around alice, and while she claimed not to care if me and julia continued being friends with alice, it caused a strain on all of our relationships. now i’m getting married and both emily and alice agreed they could be civil around each other as i wanted both of them in my wedding party. we all went bridesmaids dress shopping and alice, who is naturally very beautiful, looked great in everything. emily didn’t like anything and kept making passive aggressive remarks about alice and how i should be careful having her around my fiancé. her fiancé left her 3 years ago and i know it’s completely destroyed emily’s confidence so i usually try to be sympathetic but i could see her words were getting to alice. i finally had enough and i snapped at emily that it wasn’t alice’s fault she was beautiful. she said whatever but i could see my words had hurt her and she looked teary eyed. she ended up leaving early and julia told me she’s considering not coming to the wedding because of what i said and how i said it. aita? [/INST] info: was this line the first thing you said to get emily to stop? or were there other, more well worded attempts first? </s>
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AITA for getting my family to do a "swear tax" after my dad told me off for swearing? (My dad and brothers cuss like sailors but apparently me cussing is unladylike?)
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i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents.
my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was.
this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard.
i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea.
---
i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently.
but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family.
i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it...
----
so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule.
i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do.
in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up.
my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool??
i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad.
aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it
| 29,068
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfr4xe/aita_for_getting_my_family_to_do_a_swear_tax/
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2020-06-25 18:17:04
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nta they agreed to it, they have to play by the rules
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nta
that was actually genius way to handle the situation.
i would have been petty and angry and would just swear more, especially after the “unladylike” comment.
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nta and this is amazing. you definitely shouldn't get in trouble for it because you proposed the deal and they agreed. not your fault for enforcing the new rule.
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nta, so long as you aren't misusing the rule. for example, if your dad was talking on the phone in a room seperate from you and you went and sat in the room unannounced for the sole purpose of gaining money. otherwise, good on you for fighting the double standard and making bank while doing it
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don't spew profanities. enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady. nta
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nta. this was delightfully clever of you and a very fair way to point out the double standard. and all they have to do is make it stop is quit yelling at you for swearing when they do it all the time.
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nta. would have been easier for your dad to stop being a sexist hypocrite but he decided to play the game instead.
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nta that is fucking genius... and i owe you a dollar now, sorry!
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nta.
just simply tell dad... "like father, like daughter. don't like it? don't swear. if you owe $18 but can only pay $5? then i get 13 free swear words on my tab."
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nta. technically speaking, it’s un-ladylike to swear, but it’s also in-gentlemanly to swear as well. so effectively, based on the fact that you’re the only one held to this standard, you’re the lady of the house and they are your subordinates since none of them rank above commoner.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents. my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was. this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard. i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea. --- i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently. but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family. i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it... ---- so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule. i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do. in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up. my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool?? i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad. aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents. my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was. this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard. i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea. --- i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently. but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family. i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it... ---- so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule. i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do. in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up. my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool?? i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad. aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it [/INST] nta they agreed to it, they have to play by the rules </s>
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AITA for telling my wife to stop acting out infront of my mom?
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my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit.
thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go sc*ew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior.
i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay.
etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day.
| 15,105
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x87yx8/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_acting_out/
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2022-09-07 15:24:55
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yta, and your edit only solidifies it. *"i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay."* so you think your wife should sit there with a dumb smile on her face while your mother keeps him from her and refuses to let her grandson be fed in a timely manner? puh-leeeeeeeeeeze.
it's pretty clear you're letting your mother run roughshod over your wife, and you're doubling down by saying she should manage her reaction. you need to get control of your mother, apologize to your wife profusely, and start directly helping out with your son and household. yesterday.
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yta. also if your mom is holding the baby that’s not helping. she’s helping if she’s doing dishes or making a meal so your wife can rest with the baby.
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yta.
you're mom sounds like a meddlesome pest.
your wife shouldn't have to ask more then once for her baby.
put your mother in her proper place and stand-up for and support your wife.
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yta
trying to picture how i'd feel if i gave birth five weeks ago, had to ask multiple times to have access to my own baby, and then my husband told me that i was the problem.
i wouldn't feel good about my marriage, that's for sure.
did you marry her just to get a grandbaby for your mom?
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yta
“yeah my mom can do some things that require some patience from us”
your logic is backwards dude. your wife doesn’t have any patience. she had a baby **5 weeks ago**, you may think there’s no complications or health problems but she’s still physically recovering. her hormones are all over the place and what she needs is for you to have **her** back and support **her**.
the cluelessness of some fellas.
be enraged at your mom for making your wife upset, pull your mom aside and talk to her about *her* being the one that’s “acting out”.
how about you show some empathy and kindness to the woman that grew and birthed your kid.
jfc.
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when my mil came over after the birth of our daughter and pulled this exact sh*t my husband’s reaction was to physically take the baby from his mom, hand her to me, and show his mom to her car.
you support a new mom by supporting her, not by trying to make things easier for yourself.
yta
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yta. she just had a fucking baby. it's easy to say "everything's going fine" when all you did is orgasm 10 months ago. your wife is still recovering from birth and when she needs to feed her kid, there should be no hesitation or arguments whatsoever from anyone else. get on your wife's side, man.
your edit isn't helping you at all, it actually makes you look worse. your wife's reactions are not out of line. you and your mother are out of line.
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yta. so let me be sure i’ve got this straight: your mom needs “patience and kindness,” but your wife - who *just* gave birth - gets an “enraged” reaction from you for needing to enforce that when she says it’s time to give the baby back, it’s time to give the baby back without pulling an “only if you ask nicely” routine? who are you under the impression you’re raising this child with, dude? if your mom’s “help” is not only getting in the way of your wife being able to do her job but preventing you two from operating as a team, then no, you really *don’t* benefit from placating her at all costs.
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yta. your wife just went through a major medical procedure bringing a child into the world, whether you get that or not. it's *her* child, not your mother's, so your wife should *never* be in a position where she has to ask more than once for your mom to give the baby back for any reason. as it happens, though, your wife is literally trying to nourish y'all's offspring! so your mom is the one who needs to accommodate your wife, not the other way around, & you should have your wife's back rather than attacking her for her perfectly understandable upset.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit. thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go sc*ew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior. i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay. etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit. thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go sc*ew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior. i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay. etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day. [/INST] yta, and your edit only solidifies it. *"i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay."* so you think your wife should sit there with a dumb smile on her face while your mother keeps him from her and refuses to let her grandson be fed in a timely manner? puh-leeeeeeeeeeze. it's pretty clear you're letting your mother run roughshod over your wife, and you're doubling down by saying she should manage her reaction. you need to get control of your mother, apologize to your wife profusely, and start directly helping out with your son and household. yesterday. </s>
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AITA for buying my wife a Roomba for Christmas?
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this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think.
me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life.
last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore.
as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'.
since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming.
unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying.
so, aita in this situation?
| 23,227
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ed9cyv/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_roomba_for_christmas/
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2019-12-20 12:08:59
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yta: that’s a gift for the household and not her. it shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. what interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family?
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yta. this is a rookie mistake. husband thinks "wife will appreciate a machine to make her work easier," wife thinks "my husband sees me primarily as a housekeeper and not as a romantic partner."
if you want to relieve her of this one burden, that's a nice thought, but don't make it a christmas gift, make it a contribution to the welfare of the household. that's what your wife meant when she said "this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family."
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nta, ffs can we get some adults in this god damn subreddit.
no one every complains when a woman buys a man a drill or a wrench set for fixing shit around the house.
she's an adult, these are adult gifts. it should definitely be coupled with something personal though, and it sounds like it was. she's being a child.
my wife would be overcome with joy if i eliminated the chore of floor cleaning from our household.
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my dad got my mom a wheelbarrow for xmas. she needed one for the barn to care for her horses. they divorced a year later and that even came up in court.
meanwhile, i got a new washer and dryer for valentines day one year and i couldn’t have been happier. made my life a lot easier. my mother was horrified.
so....it’s really an issue of knowing your audience. i would be super excited for a roomba. clearly your wife not so much. that it keeps getting brought up is kind of nuts though.
if she was hurt because she had asked you for something else or wanted something more romantic or sentimental vs practical, you guys could’ve returned the roomba and you could endeavor to be a better gift giver. but tears? recurring argument fodder? sounds like you need to read five love languages. and she maybe needs therapy.
esh
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nta. yikes if this makes you an asshole my mom must hate us cause we (my siblings and i) got her a roomba for christmas a few years ago. we also got her a really nice dyson cordless vacuum for her birthday this year. she uses the vacuum constantly and loves it. the roomba goes around twice a week and gets a ton of dog hair. we also get my father power tools, which i would say is in the same line of gifting.
if you had gifted a nice set of pots and pans would that also be asshole-ish because she uses them to make meals for the whole family? or when people gift a dog but the whole family gets to appreciate him/her? people gift items all the time that more than one person gets to appreciate. a roomba should theoretically give her more time to relax with her children and take some stress off of her while you’re gone. i see no issue with it.
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nta. a roomba is a great gift. it's not a necessity, it's a fucking luxury.
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yta. cleaning items, appliances, and other household goods things are not good christmas presents unless the person explicitly asks for that for christmas. you got her something impersonal and meant for the household.
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you know this isn't really about the roomba, right?
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> i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house.
it is understandable that she'll do most of it, but you can't buy your way out of adult responsibilities. what bugs me also is that you use "i think she should", that's something you never discussed about ?
and yeah, cleaning stuff / cooking ustensils aren't good choices. they give the vibe your wife is only useful for that. yta
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i wanted to buy my so a nice set of kitchen knives but i wasn’t sure if she would have a similar reaction to your wife so i ended up just asking her if it would offend her. she actually liked the idea and offered a suggestion for some knives her mother had that she knew she liked. generally i would stay away from household stuff like that if it could have like sexist connotations. you probably wouldnt gift her a broom and dustpan would you? this was pretty similar, it just took batteries. i won’t say you’re the ah because i think your heart was in the right place and you genuinely thought you were helping her and getting her a good gift. but to everyone else it was a pretty crappy present. nah
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.715918
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think. me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'. since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. so, aita in this situation?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think. me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'. since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. so, aita in this situation? [/INST] yta: that’s a gift for the household and not her. it shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. what interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family? </s>
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AITA for calling my wife beautiful?
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sounds like nonsense but hear me out. we met in college, lots of lust, yada yada yada. got married, have a kid. i still think she's gorgeous but she is bigger than before. i never make comments about her shape or her clothing size. i even buy clothes for her in the same size she's recently bought for herself. anyway, we got dressed up the other day to have dinner-in (pandemic world). i ordered from a nice steakhouse, got her her favorites and we already have lots of wine on hand (pandemic world). she came down the stairs wearing a dress that fit nice and snug and i thought she looked great. i was thinking tonight won't be just dinner! i said, "wow, you look so beautiful!" she then started crying, calling me a sarcastic son of a bitch and said she knows she's gained weight and i shouldn't be so "over the top". i tried telling her i was sincere but she wouldn't have it. so i ate her dinner too.
| 6,937
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lbua6l/aita_for_calling_my_wife_beautiful/
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2021-02-03 18:23:53
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nah. your wife may have body image issues after having children and gaining weight, and that's not abnormal, nor is it your fault.
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nta for saying she’s beautiful but maybe the tone you used came off sarcastic? you can’t blame yourself or her for her insecurities. being an insecure person sucks and it makes you feel so self destructive, don’t be mad at her even though you did nothing wrong. you shouldn’t have ate her dinner though.
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why couldn’t you just leave her dinner for her to eat later??
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nta. clearly your wife has body image issues, having a child changes you - not just with added weight, but also in the overall shape of your body and it legitimately rewires our brains. a lot of women struggle with their postpartum bodies for many reasons. there are a few different ways to address this, one is to be more specific with your compliments. "you're beautiful" can be hard to hear when she doesn't feel beautiful - because *pretty* is a feeling more than anything else. so instead of complimenting her as an overall package, tell her exactly what it is you find beautiful about her. did she take time to do up her hair? does the dress hug her curves perfectly? is her smile radiant? tell her why you find her beautiful. this might help her to realize that while her body has changed in many ways, you still very much find her attractive and love the person she is today just as much as the person she was pre-kid.
next, a long while after her emotional response, have a conversation with her about her own body image - this is a tough one for a lot of partners, but talk to her about what she's insecure about. ask her if it's something she's interested in changing physically or something she'd like to address emotionally. you/she mentioned weight gain, has your body changed in the previous years? how *else* have your lives changed in that time? what parts of her do you love that have nothing to do with her physical shape? are there aspects of your current lifestyle that she's unhappy with? now here's the important part - ask these questions, but don't automatically offer up solutions!!! maybe she wants to change her postpartum body, maybe she wants to learn to accept it, she may not even know herself what the best path forward is, but talking about her feelings is a good start.
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nah. it definitely sounds like she has body image issues, as many women have. my husband, bless him, has always found me attractive no matter my size. from my biggest to my smallest, his opinion of me has not waivered. since i haven't always seen myself the way he sees me, i nearly always came back with something derogatory about myself b/c that's how \*i\* saw me. my husband has actually said it hurts him to hear me talk badly about myself (not in an ah way, just like a dude that wants better for his wife) and i've actively tried not to talk down to myself and i'll be honest, it's helped my esteem quite a bit.
anyway, you're not the asshole, your wife is caught in a negative thought spiral that makes her unable to believe anyone could find her attractive. i hope that she can get out of it b/c life is easier when you love yourself unconditionally.
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my husband used to over-compliment me all the time and it made me really uncomfortable, because i didn't see what he saw. it ended up being a bone of contention because it felt insincere, even though he truly meant it. there are other ways to compliment her that don't focus directly on her looks or figure e.g. "that's a really nice colour on you" or "i like that perfume a lot, let me know when you run out and i'll buy you more". compliment her when she handles a situation well, or prepares a delicious dinner. your perception of your wife doesn't match her internal critic right now, and no amount of repetition will help until she feels more secure. also consider that your compliments might seem self-serving i.e. you're looking for sex, therefore you will say anything to achieve that outcome. not saying that's your motive, just that your wife may be making that assumption. nah i think.
edit for misspelling
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nta
i'm cracking up at the last sentence. something i would do too.
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>i tried telling her i was sincere but she wouldn't have it. so i ate her dinner too.
i don't know why but that line cracked me up. nah
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nta she needs professional help because this is not a normal or healthy reaction.
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it depends on the person but maybe it would help her to try how it goes with non appearance compliments for a while as well as declarations of love. for example....
i love you so much.
i can’t wait for our dinner date tonight.
i’m always so happy when we spend time together.
you mean the world to me.
you’re a wonderful wife.
you are so smart.
you are so funny.
you are so sweet.
edit. also don’t go overboard or it will seem fake.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.015625
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sounds like nonsense but hear me out. we met in college, lots of lust, yada yada yada. got married, have a kid. i still think she's gorgeous but she is bigger than before. i never make comments about her shape or her clothing size. i even buy clothes for her in the same size she's recently bought for herself. anyway, we got dressed up the other day to have dinner-in (pandemic world). i ordered from a nice steakhouse, got her her favorites and we already have lots of wine on hand (pandemic world). she came down the stairs wearing a dress that fit nice and snug and i thought she looked great. i was thinking tonight won't be just dinner! i said, "wow, you look so beautiful!" she then started crying, calling me a sarcastic son of a bitch and said she knows she's gained weight and i shouldn't be so "over the top". i tried telling her i was sincere but she wouldn't have it. so i ate her dinner too.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sounds like nonsense but hear me out. we met in college, lots of lust, yada yada yada. got married, have a kid. i still think she's gorgeous but she is bigger than before. i never make comments about her shape or her clothing size. i even buy clothes for her in the same size she's recently bought for herself. anyway, we got dressed up the other day to have dinner-in (pandemic world). i ordered from a nice steakhouse, got her her favorites and we already have lots of wine on hand (pandemic world). she came down the stairs wearing a dress that fit nice and snug and i thought she looked great. i was thinking tonight won't be just dinner! i said, "wow, you look so beautiful!" she then started crying, calling me a sarcastic son of a bitch and said she knows she's gained weight and i shouldn't be so "over the top". i tried telling her i was sincere but she wouldn't have it. so i ate her dinner too. [/INST] nah. your wife may have body image issues after having children and gaining weight, and that's not abnormal, nor is it your fault. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that I don’t need viagra, that she just needs to lose weight?
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over the past two years my wife has gained a significant amount of weight. i can’t tell a number because she has never let me see her weight on the scale.
long story short over time my sexual desire has gone down, and so has my strength in erections. she is now blaming me saying that i am getting older and need to look into getting viagra. i told her my junk is fine i can get erections just fine watching porn. she then tells me to stop watching porn, that that is causing the problem.
i told her that this is largely due to her weight gain. she flipped out on me for even suggesting that? i don’t see how i am she attacks my own manhood, and when i try to tell her nicely it isn’t she continues to blame me. so i pointed out it was dude to her weight
| 4,750
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eflcp3/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_dont_need_viagra/
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2019-12-25 20:27:53
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esh. completely not constructive time or way to bring up the issue. if you wanted her to lose weight, i'm not sure you could have picked a worse way to open that conversation. she needs to listen and engage with your concerns. but she's also not wrong that porn, especially frequent porn use could be part of the problem.
more to the point do you actually want your marriage? cause all i'm reading here is dislike and resentment. both of you seem hostile toward each other from what you've written. and neither of you seems to be exercising empathy or compassion during disagreements. fix that or stop posting and just get a divorce.
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esh...nobody says things like that to someone they love.
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esh.
she may need to lose weight, and you may need to love her for who she is...
if you are not into for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you need to have a longer discussion.
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esh. there are probably better ways the both of you could have handled this conversation. might want to consider seeing a marriage counsellor
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yikes.
were you planning to divorce anyway?
if not, you will need a marriage counselor now and probably should’ve gone that route.
esh
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yta. the fact that you say your wife "never lets you see the numbers" on the scale sounds like you've been hounding her about her weight for a while.
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yikes. you both are awful at communication. it seems as though you're offended that she even suggested viagra and lashed out with the weight comment in the most hurtful way as punishment.
esh
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esh.
you’re both point scoring. it’s toxic for your relationship.
if you love this woman, then discuss how you both feel and agree what to do about it.
if not, then plan for a divorce and go get a healthy relationship.
note, it’s perfectly reasonable for her to be unhappy that you aren’t horny for her, and it’s perfectly reasonable for you to feel less attraction because she’s put on weight. but try not to be a dick about it.
|
info
any reason why she gained weight? pregnancy, surgey,etc?
edit
also how much is overweight is she ball park it.
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when you say a 'significant' amount of weight in the last two years, is that 15 lbs in your mind or 100 lbs? for all we know, she gained 20 lbs and you're repulsed by weight gain that others would barely notice. is she on medication that made her gain weight? surely there's a reason, and i'm guessing she turned to food the more you ignored her. she was not attacking your manhood, she was trying to find out why you don't try anything with her anymore. even if you can't function, i'm willing to bet you don't do anything with her anymore as far as basic affection. since the only thing that matters to you is her weight, yta. get a divorce and marry the videos since that's all that seems to please you. a real woman with real feelings and issues isn't working. the worst part is your not acknowledging any of it is actually your fault. she doesn't care about the sex as much as all the affection and attention that goes with it. marriage is for better and for worse.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
|
INFO
|
YTA
| 0.054525
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: over the past two years my wife has gained a significant amount of weight. i can’t tell a number because she has never let me see her weight on the scale. long story short over time my sexual desire has gone down, and so has my strength in erections. she is now blaming me saying that i am getting older and need to look into getting viagra. i told her my junk is fine i can get erections just fine watching porn. she then tells me to stop watching porn, that that is causing the problem. i told her that this is largely due to her weight gain. she flipped out on me for even suggesting that? i don’t see how i am she attacks my own manhood, and when i try to tell her nicely it isn’t she continues to blame me. so i pointed out it was dude to her weight
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
over the past two years my wife has gained a significant amount of weight. i can’t tell a number because she has never let me see her weight on the scale. long story short over time my sexual desire has gone down, and so has my strength in erections. she is now blaming me saying that i am getting older and need to look into getting viagra. i told her my junk is fine i can get erections just fine watching porn. she then tells me to stop watching porn, that that is causing the problem. i told her that this is largely due to her weight gain. she flipped out on me for even suggesting that? i don’t see how i am she attacks my own manhood, and when i try to tell her nicely it isn’t she continues to blame me. so i pointed out it was dude to her weight [/INST] esh. completely not constructive time or way to bring up the issue. if you wanted her to lose weight, i'm not sure you could have picked a worse way to open that conversation. she needs to listen and engage with your concerns. but she's also not wrong that porn, especially frequent porn use could be part of the problem. more to the point do you actually want your marriage? cause all i'm reading here is dislike and resentment. both of you seem hostile toward each other from what you've written. and neither of you seems to be exercising empathy or compassion during disagreements. fix that or stop posting and just get a divorce. </s>
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AITA for kicking out my sister after she sabotaged a meeting with a fertility clinic?
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8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father.
when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision.
when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects.
my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out.
she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened.
we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations.
when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place.
since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house.
aita?
| 26,285
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iotv4b/aita_for_kicking_out_my_sister_after_she/
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2020-09-08 13:48:15
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nta
she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family.
call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation
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nta, this is grounds for a permanent ban in my opinion, especially with the “my daughter” comment
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nta. once sister adopted lucy to you, she stopped getting to make these decisions. she is an aunt now, not a mom and gets to make decisions aunt get to make, which emphatically doesn't include decisions about siblings.
i'm curious about what changed between her being ok with you and your hubby having kids and now that has gotten her acting this way, but it's ultimately immaterial (my guess is it's a weird biological thing - she may be worried that if the child is biologically your wife's then the child would be "unrelated" - you get that kind of stuff from people sometimes). she's ta, definitely to the point of being kicked out, and you're completely 100% in the clear.
have a good day and i hope you are able to reschedule soon to get the ball rolling on a little brother or sister for lucy.
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info why did the identity of lucy's father matter?
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nta.
even if your sister hadn't done the horrible thing she did, it is clear she shouldn't move back in. she clearly still sees lucy as "her" daughter, with you and your wife as the caretakers rather than her parents. she seems to think she has an equal voice as to the number of kids in your family, when she has no voice at all.
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100% nta. your sister on the other hand is behaving like a spoilt brat chucking a tantrum
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nta. like so much nta i can’t even explain. shame on your sister. also mega shame on your parents. it’s not a family’s personal obligation to take on the problems of other members. your sister and parents have shown themselves to be selfish and manipulative. keep them all at arms length and protect your mental health.
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nta. definitely not. your sister has lied and has been trying to manipulate you since day 1.
also, do not let your parents guilt trip you into taking her back. so you're an a for not wanting your sister back, but they don't want their daughter back too? it's the pot calling the kettle black.
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info can you clarify what she did to break up your marriage? did she say your former husband was the father?
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nta. she's interfering in things that are none of her business and trying to control your lives when she can barely manage her own life. personally i would go completely no-contact with her until she gets therapy to work through her feelings and learn to control herself.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.016
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita? [/INST] nta she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family. call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation </s>
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AITA for wearing a “political” shirt to my SOs work event?
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to keep it short and sweet, my so had an informal work gathering this weekend. his boss (not like main, big shot boss — more like slightly above him) was hosting a bbq at his house and invited us. i was helping my friend with something the morning of the bbq and i met my boyfriend at the event, so he didn’t see my outfit until we were already at his bosses. as soon as i got out of the car he kinda gave me a weird look and asked if “i was seriously wearing that”. the item in question is a white t-shirt that has a small rainbow and the word equality over the left breast pocket area. both take up about 5 inches combined, so it’s not like a giant noticeable design.
to be honest i didn’t even realize what shirt i was wearing. i was helping my friend organize her garage and then going to a bbq where i knew we’d all be swimming so i was just wearing comfy old clothes. it wasn’t like i did it on purpose — but also, my main point, is that i don’t really see it as a “political statement” like my bf does. equality is a pretty accepted standard that we want, yes? i understand the rainbow implies lgbtq+ rights (which i am a huge supporter of) but again it wasn’t a super loud or in your face statement.
my bfs point is that he doesn’t know how some of his coworkers feel about those topics and wanted to be safe and not ruffle any feathers. he was offended i wasn’t more careful about how i presented myself to his coworkers (who i’ve met plenty of times and get along with) and i was bothered he suggested i go home and change because i didn’t think my shirt was even a political thing in the first place. aita?
| 2,368
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1ghcu/aita_for_wearing_a_political_shirt_to_my_sos_work/
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2019-09-08 20:31:13
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nah
i understand his pov but what you describe is pretty tame, and if so works for any decently large company, the message probably aligns with their official "core values." that said, until you know the people well, it's best not to take chances with controversy.
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nta. shit, i thought it was gonna be something controversial. that's just a shirt.
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nta which backwards country are you in where this would even possibly be an issue? somewhere in the middle east?
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nta
equality isn't a political stance but a goal to reach. how to achieve it is where politics comes in. would he have said the same if you had the word 'prosperity' written on your shirt?
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nah.
you wear what's comfortable and didn't think of what others might think. that's great when you're with friends.
but when it comes to business functions you have to be careful. some people take offense if you have a different political stance. it can affect your boyfriend's job if the wrong person takes offense.
is it right? no. but its the reality of the business world.
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shit, i thought the shirt was going to say “meat is murder” or be like obama in a turban or something.
this is so innocuous that anyone who might react poorly is legit trash. if my so’s colleagues might get pissed about that, i’d be upset at my so for even inviting me to an event with those people. make up some excuse why i can’t be there and leave me at home. nah.
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nah.
i agree that it’s not a political statement, but for others it is! weird, i know! but some folks feel threatened by just about anything and everything, and equality, frankly, is extremely threatening to some people. point being though, is that you weren’t in the wrong when you woke up that morning, put that shirt on, and helped your friend before heading over to your boyfriends coworkers bbq. your boyfriend however, sees your shirt with the potential to ruffle feathers even though it really shouldn’t. what’s not really being discussed is that, judging by his reaction, more than a little insecure about fitting in with the coworkers, or, though somewhat unlikely, knows something about his coworkers political views that he doesn’t want to let on.
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yta
i'm afraid most people are voting based on their beliefs, when that shouldn't be the issue. for example, if you had a shirt that had an "x" through a rainbow/equality sign, people here would be voting you an asshole.
you're also an asshole (or at least very ignorant) for putting the word "political" in quotes in your title. that shirt is 100% a political statement. and a massively divisive and contentious one that causes violence across this country. millions of people think people should burn in hell for that belief, and millions of people are willing to die to protect that belief. so, no, it's not "just a t-shirt." and no, it's not just feaux political.
what's more, you wore that liberal shirt into a crowd of conservatives (businessmen in texas) that could end up judging your husband for it. if you're willing to take that risk, and then call them assholes for judging your husband, great, it's your right to do that. but don't pretend you're not giving them ammunition, and don't pretend it's just a shirt.
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because it was a work thing, yta. it's preferable to steer clear of any socio-political issues in those situations.
>i didn’t think my shirt was even a political thing
that sounds disingenuous. you were unaware that some people *aren't* lgbtq+-friendly?
besides, your bf knows these folks better than you do, and it involves his workplace. since you were his guest, you need to respect that. (and yes, i'd say the same if the gender roles were reversed.)
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nah, but honestly politics and religion are not things that should be brought up around people you work with. i get where he is coming from not wanting to broach those topics.
you never know what someone else believes and it can cause unneeded tension between people that are required to work together.
i don’t want to know that helen in accounting doesn’t support gay marriage or certain religions especially if i have to deal with helen regularly.
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NAH
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.299499
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to keep it short and sweet, my so had an informal work gathering this weekend. his boss (not like main, big shot boss — more like slightly above him) was hosting a bbq at his house and invited us. i was helping my friend with something the morning of the bbq and i met my boyfriend at the event, so he didn’t see my outfit until we were already at his bosses. as soon as i got out of the car he kinda gave me a weird look and asked if “i was seriously wearing that”. the item in question is a white t-shirt that has a small rainbow and the word equality over the left breast pocket area. both take up about 5 inches combined, so it’s not like a giant noticeable design. to be honest i didn’t even realize what shirt i was wearing. i was helping my friend organize her garage and then going to a bbq where i knew we’d all be swimming so i was just wearing comfy old clothes. it wasn’t like i did it on purpose — but also, my main point, is that i don’t really see it as a “political statement” like my bf does. equality is a pretty accepted standard that we want, yes? i understand the rainbow implies lgbtq+ rights (which i am a huge supporter of) but again it wasn’t a super loud or in your face statement. my bfs point is that he doesn’t know how some of his coworkers feel about those topics and wanted to be safe and not ruffle any feathers. he was offended i wasn’t more careful about how i presented myself to his coworkers (who i’ve met plenty of times and get along with) and i was bothered he suggested i go home and change because i didn’t think my shirt was even a political thing in the first place. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
to keep it short and sweet, my so had an informal work gathering this weekend. his boss (not like main, big shot boss — more like slightly above him) was hosting a bbq at his house and invited us. i was helping my friend with something the morning of the bbq and i met my boyfriend at the event, so he didn’t see my outfit until we were already at his bosses. as soon as i got out of the car he kinda gave me a weird look and asked if “i was seriously wearing that”. the item in question is a white t-shirt that has a small rainbow and the word equality over the left breast pocket area. both take up about 5 inches combined, so it’s not like a giant noticeable design. to be honest i didn’t even realize what shirt i was wearing. i was helping my friend organize her garage and then going to a bbq where i knew we’d all be swimming so i was just wearing comfy old clothes. it wasn’t like i did it on purpose — but also, my main point, is that i don’t really see it as a “political statement” like my bf does. equality is a pretty accepted standard that we want, yes? i understand the rainbow implies lgbtq+ rights (which i am a huge supporter of) but again it wasn’t a super loud or in your face statement. my bfs point is that he doesn’t know how some of his coworkers feel about those topics and wanted to be safe and not ruffle any feathers. he was offended i wasn’t more careful about how i presented myself to his coworkers (who i’ve met plenty of times and get along with) and i was bothered he suggested i go home and change because i didn’t think my shirt was even a political thing in the first place. aita? [/INST] nah i understand his pov but what you describe is pretty tame, and if so works for any decently large company, the message probably aligns with their official "core values." that said, until you know the people well, it's best not to take chances with controversy. </s>
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AITA for not punishing my stepson for what he said to my daughter?
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throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account.
i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure.
my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me.
i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again.
i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9zy04/aita_for_not_punishing_my_stepson_for_what_he/
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2020-12-09 20:29:23
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yta. you did pick your new family over her. and then repeatedly leave her needs and emotions out if the equation.
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yep. yta. how do you not see this? do you prefer step son because he's a boy? it sounds like you are picking him first again and again. you even rejected 50% custody of your own kid. how is this a mystery to you?
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yo, yta for sure man. you won't even stand up for your daughter when she is being bullied. kid was right, you are choosing him over your daughter and i don't blame her. may her mom and god make sure she doesn't develop daddy issues.
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yta. a major yta. and here’s why.
instead of wanting to get your daughter and stepson used to the idea of being around each other, you thought of yourself first and pushed her aside for weekend visits only. then, you allow your stepson’s daddy issues to let him basically say or do whatever he wanted even if it was at the expense of your daughter’s feelings. you did sweep it under the rug, many times, by not punishing him. his past is an unfortunate one but instead of reassuring them both that you’ll still be the best father figure to them no matter what, you decided to choose your stepson over your own daughter time and time again. there’s a reason his ridiculous behaviour has gotten to this extent - you enabled him.
eta thank you kind strangers for the awards! but seriously, after reading your comments underneath, op should consider putting both kids into therapy after this.
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yta, this cannot be real.
you chose him over her the second you denied the 50/50 custody.
you’re 16 year old stepson bullies and is incredibly cruel to your daughter which you allow.
you don’t deserve her, she deserves far better than you. great way to show your kid who your favourite is.
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>my daughter needs to get over it and visit again
why should she come to your house to endure verbal abuse while you stand there with your thumb up your ass? yta, you're proving yourself worthless as her father.
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so let me get this straight. at 7/8 her world was ripped apart by your divorce then quick remarriage and instead of doing what you could to make it easier for her you basically said “sorry sweetie, daddy has a new family now. you can still see me 4 days a month though!”
your stepson is rude/mean to her and faces no consequences so of course he’s going to continue to do it and shes just supposed to suck it up? you absolutely do brush it under the rug and you have picked him over her at every given opportunity. doesn’t sound like you’ve ever once stood up for her. your ex and brother are absolutely right. you failed your daughter repeatedly you don’t get to act like the victim now that she’s not giving you the opportunity to fail her anymore.
**yta**
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yta and a horrible father , you can still see your child during the pandemic , jesus
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yta.
>i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson.
so you've been an asshole for a while. you have treated your daughter like she's a burden in your new family. you let your stepson bully her and then turn around and pamper him for it because of his 'insecurity'. you have allowed your new family to ostracize your daughter and now you think she's being sensitive and overreacting when she protects herself where you won't. i feel so badly for your daughter.
just for info, i was a daughter whose dad chose his new family. that began a decades-long estrangement. when he tried to summon me to his deathbed so he could apologize, i declined. there was nothing left to salvage.
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yta 100% i can’t believe a parent would let their child be spoken to like that and not stand up for them she’s better off not coming round to see you anymore, you think your stepson is insecure? think how your own daughter probably feels
the fact he came home cheerfully telling you what happened speaks volumes, he knows exactly where he’s got you, your poor daughter
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account. i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure. my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me. i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again. i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account. i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure. my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me. i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again. i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita? [/INST] yta. you did pick your new family over her. and then repeatedly leave her needs and emotions out if the equation. </s>
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AITA for refusing to help my son save his house?
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i have a son who i actually have a decent relationship with, despite all of this. he has a seven year old son who i haven’t seen in five years and a three year old son i’ve never met. my dil and i do not get along, and she convinced him to go no contact as well but he wanted a relationship and threatened to divorce her. there was a lot of tension, and we were bothprobably at fault, but she gave me an ultimatum that i had to chose between my brother and my grandson, so i laughed at her and chose my brother.
my brother is in no way dangerous, just a serial cheater and was in the process of a very messy divorce. my dil was offended, and i do understand that my brother is an ass, but she told me i had to stop inviting him to family gatherings or completely lost contact with my son and his family. i told her she has no right to dictate what i do in my house and we went no contact.
i reconnected with my son a year into it, but i have no relationship with my grandchildren. my son called upset the other day and said they are going to lose their house and asked me for a loan. i was actually furious that they would even ask me. he tried to use the kids to guilt me, but i hardly know one and have never met the other, so i don’t have any real connection.
i told him no, and that it was rude to even ask because they are a couple, so if i loan money to him i’m really loaning it to them. he tried to use the kids again but i reminded him that i don’t know his kids. he understood but she called me later and broke down in tears. i told her she needs to call her own mother, because why on earth would i loan them money after five years.
| 855
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iyw1sm/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_son_save_his_house/
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2020-09-24 12:10:57
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info: i'm honestly curious if you want a better relationship with your son and would like to get to know your grandchildren? it sounds like you're more invested in punishing your dil than anything else. you didn't mention that it would be tough for you to give the money. so what other reason do you have not to help your son and his children? surely, this will be the nail in the coffin of your relationship. is it worth it?
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nta - please tell your son and dil that you would love a better relationship with them and your grandchildren, but the relationship you had in mind was not that of being their bank.
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nta - she made their beds. they can lie in them. sounds like your son should have stood up to her years ago.
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nta. ironic that she is the one crying in tears after trying to stop you and your son from having a relationship. oh well, she made her bed.
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nta. if they are in the us it is almost impossible to lose your home right now. foreclosures are heavily restricted and there are tons of programs to help people. you should not be their sole hope. they have other options. it might be a nice gesture to offer one month's payment or something to help them stay on their feet while they look at options.
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info
why did your daughter-in-law not want to be around your brother?
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i feel like your dil posted the other pov on this sub a while back. the cheating brother sounds awfully familiar. i'm new to reddit so i don't know how to find and link that other post.
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nta...if dil wants to live life entirely on her terms then she has to be ready for the consequences.
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nta. no contact wishes include no money loans. you’re not the person she has issues with but penalized you anyway. now this karma is coming back hard.
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nta. i’d do the same for the same reasons.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a son who i actually have a decent relationship with, despite all of this. he has a seven year old son who i haven’t seen in five years and a three year old son i’ve never met. my dil and i do not get along, and she convinced him to go no contact as well but he wanted a relationship and threatened to divorce her. there was a lot of tension, and we were bothprobably at fault, but she gave me an ultimatum that i had to chose between my brother and my grandson, so i laughed at her and chose my brother. my brother is in no way dangerous, just a serial cheater and was in the process of a very messy divorce. my dil was offended, and i do understand that my brother is an ass, but she told me i had to stop inviting him to family gatherings or completely lost contact with my son and his family. i told her she has no right to dictate what i do in my house and we went no contact. i reconnected with my son a year into it, but i have no relationship with my grandchildren. my son called upset the other day and said they are going to lose their house and asked me for a loan. i was actually furious that they would even ask me. he tried to use the kids to guilt me, but i hardly know one and have never met the other, so i don’t have any real connection. i told him no, and that it was rude to even ask because they are a couple, so if i loan money to him i’m really loaning it to them. he tried to use the kids again but i reminded him that i don’t know his kids. he understood but she called me later and broke down in tears. i told her she needs to call her own mother, because why on earth would i loan them money after five years.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a son who i actually have a decent relationship with, despite all of this. he has a seven year old son who i haven’t seen in five years and a three year old son i’ve never met. my dil and i do not get along, and she convinced him to go no contact as well but he wanted a relationship and threatened to divorce her. there was a lot of tension, and we were bothprobably at fault, but she gave me an ultimatum that i had to chose between my brother and my grandson, so i laughed at her and chose my brother. my brother is in no way dangerous, just a serial cheater and was in the process of a very messy divorce. my dil was offended, and i do understand that my brother is an ass, but she told me i had to stop inviting him to family gatherings or completely lost contact with my son and his family. i told her she has no right to dictate what i do in my house and we went no contact. i reconnected with my son a year into it, but i have no relationship with my grandchildren. my son called upset the other day and said they are going to lose their house and asked me for a loan. i was actually furious that they would even ask me. he tried to use the kids to guilt me, but i hardly know one and have never met the other, so i don’t have any real connection. i told him no, and that it was rude to even ask because they are a couple, so if i loan money to him i’m really loaning it to them. he tried to use the kids again but i reminded him that i don’t know his kids. he understood but she called me later and broke down in tears. i told her she needs to call her own mother, because why on earth would i loan them money after five years. [/INST] info: i'm honestly curious if you want a better relationship with your son and would like to get to know your grandchildren? it sounds like you're more invested in punishing your dil than anything else. you didn't mention that it would be tough for you to give the money. so what other reason do you have not to help your son and his children? surely, this will be the nail in the coffin of your relationship. is it worth it? </s>
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AITA for defending myself against my boss criticizing that I'm eager to leave on time at the end of the day?
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well, yesterday we had performance reviews at the office. i didn't really know what to expect from mine, but i knew it wouldn't be anything bad since i do my work and do it well, don't talk much, keep to myself as much as possible, and never complain out loud. i won't lie, though. i loathe this job. however, it's tolerable enough for me to show up every day on time, do what's expected of me and then some when i'm in a good enough mood, and duke it out until i can find something better.
i went in for my review and my boss had nothing but pleasant things to say...at first. toward the end of the review, her only criticism was that i'm "too eager to leave work at the end of the day." i didn't really know what to make of that at first. i mean, pardon me for not wanting to live and breathe my employment and be depressed about the end of my shift. truth is, if it was socially acceptable to jump out of the nearest window the moment my shift is over, i'd do it without hesitation.
not wanting to make assumptions or jump to conclusions, i asked for clarification. she stated, "well, your work day as you know is 8am to 4:30pm and you always seem to be ready to clock out right on time. sometimes i've even seen the time clock in a background window on your desktop a few minutes early like you're preparing for it."
i'd be lying if i said i didn't sit there for a minute with my eyebrows raised. i said, "with all due respect, i really don't see the issue behind essentially what amounts to leaving on time. just as well, i'm sure you're aware that hr has the timeclocks set to round down for 10 minutes, so i'm not being paid for any additional time that i'm here unless it falls within 10-minute increments. with that being said, my daily work is complete by the time the end of my shift rolls around and quite frankly, after eight hours of sitting in a chair and staring at a computer screen, i'd like to leave on time when i'm scheduled to and go home to enjoy the remainder of my day. to be fair, though, if me leaving on time is the only criticism in what was otherwise a sea of compliments, i think i'm doing well here."
of course that wasn't entirely verbatim because i don't remember word-for-word what i said, but it was something along those lines in a very respectful manner. either way, she didn't look thrilled. i'm not sure if she was expecting me to volunteer for the optional overtime previously offered or dedicate more of my life to the company like she does, or whatever.
i was literally flabbergasted at the dialogue. i mean, how warped are your expectations that your criticism is that i leave on time? i have decent work ethic. could it use some improvement? sure. i'm sure i'd have stronger work ethic doing a job i actually enjoyed.
i mean, honestly. what the shit? am i the asshole for this? for defending myself against her *criticism* for literally leaving work when i'm scheduled to and, god forbid, being happy to do so?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gv7uxy/aita_for_defending_myself_against_my_boss/
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2020-06-02 14:01:04
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nah. she’s trying to point out subtly that your dislike for the job is showing. and you pretty much confirmed it. it’s not an asshole move to leave on time and it isn’t an asshole move to want dedicated employees.
that being said, they probably won’t promote you or put many extra resources into training for you because they know you ultimately are not going to stick around. that is part of what they try to asses during evaluations too. not just whether or not you are doing your job.
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nah - but take it as constructive criticism, likely you're showing your loathing of your job in different ways you don't realize. i don't think she's an asshole necessarily for pointing out something that you clearly believe. nor are you an asshole for looking ahead to a better job.
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nta, if your shift is over you're allowed to leave
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the issue here is a very subtle one. you're correct - it's no big deal if you leave on time and that's not the heart of her critique. the heart of the matter is that your actions are conveying how much you loathe this job and your attitude of ready to do anything to claw your way free is the problem. at most jobs, your performance is not just judged by the bare work product but also by your attitude and interaction.
you're not remotely ta for leaving on time and as you mentioned - you're doing your work and doing it well, so take it as good news that this relatively minor thing with some easy fixes is all you need to address. be a little more subtle with the clock watching, work on the poker face. you don't have to pretend to love this job more than life, just conceal the disgust a little better.
yta only because that's the way this sub indicates you're in the wrong on the issue. you're missing your boss' coaching on workplace culture here. and it's not a bad thing to learn for when you get a job you actually like. being able to do things with a poker face or subtlety will help you in all your future jobs, not just the ones you're barely tolerating for the paycheck.
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nta. what kind of dystopian society are we living in that you have to work unpaid overtime everyday or else you have a “bad attitude?”
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info: are you prepping to leave in other ways? getting your coat on, collecting your lunch bag, putting your take home items in your bag to go, etc?
i ask because as a previously timed employee, we were to work until our time was done, then gather our things to leave. doing it early (while we were on the clock) was considered "stealing company time" or something like that.
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you. are. not. ta!! omg. i've had the same criticism my entire career. i've never understood it. yes i want to leave, i want to go home, my friends family and pets are waiting for me there...fun things to do after work are waiting for me there. that's why i work to pay for the things! what i can't buy is time. so i have to utilize it as well. i personally think some employers find it baffling that their employees may actually not want to spend 24/7 at their jobs. yo, it's a job. be grateful i show up, work hard, and don't cause problems. sorry you hate your spouse/kids/life and want to avoid them but that's not me.
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info: is the issue your boss has with you that you are leaving work on time, or is the issue is that you are overtly eager to leave work before your shift ends? the latter would mean motivational problems, and she may be afraid that you are not enthusiastic/motivated, or not putting in effort at work. were these issues discussed?
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nta
they have a salaryman attitude where hours worked = productivity.
from your position you could have demonstrated other more relevant measures of productivity (tasks done) and challenged their unhelpful views.
you don't like this job so it doesn't matter. but as a future skill it can help to be able to demonstrate the work that you are doing independent of clocked hours
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nta!
and for the record, i am the hr-lady at my job and you better believe i’m out the door at 4:31pm and i actually do enjoy my job. i just also enjoy having a life outside of work, and the fact that my supervisor is respectful of my personal time means i put more effort into my work when i’m there. i don’t know if you plan to address this again but i would look up some pretty basic info on work/life balance and you can provide some evidence that respecting personal time actually leads to more productivity at work.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.198488
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: well, yesterday we had performance reviews at the office. i didn't really know what to expect from mine, but i knew it wouldn't be anything bad since i do my work and do it well, don't talk much, keep to myself as much as possible, and never complain out loud. i won't lie, though. i loathe this job. however, it's tolerable enough for me to show up every day on time, do what's expected of me and then some when i'm in a good enough mood, and duke it out until i can find something better. i went in for my review and my boss had nothing but pleasant things to say...at first. toward the end of the review, her only criticism was that i'm "too eager to leave work at the end of the day." i didn't really know what to make of that at first. i mean, pardon me for not wanting to live and breathe my employment and be depressed about the end of my shift. truth is, if it was socially acceptable to jump out of the nearest window the moment my shift is over, i'd do it without hesitation. not wanting to make assumptions or jump to conclusions, i asked for clarification. she stated, "well, your work day as you know is 8am to 4:30pm and you always seem to be ready to clock out right on time. sometimes i've even seen the time clock in a background window on your desktop a few minutes early like you're preparing for it." i'd be lying if i said i didn't sit there for a minute with my eyebrows raised. i said, "with all due respect, i really don't see the issue behind essentially what amounts to leaving on time. just as well, i'm sure you're aware that hr has the timeclocks set to round down for 10 minutes, so i'm not being paid for any additional time that i'm here unless it falls within 10-minute increments. with that being said, my daily work is complete by the time the end of my shift rolls around and quite frankly, after eight hours of sitting in a chair and staring at a computer screen, i'd like to leave on time when i'm scheduled to and go home to enjoy the remainder of my day. to be fair, though, if me leaving on time is the only criticism in what was otherwise a sea of compliments, i think i'm doing well here." of course that wasn't entirely verbatim because i don't remember word-for-word what i said, but it was something along those lines in a very respectful manner. either way, she didn't look thrilled. i'm not sure if she was expecting me to volunteer for the optional overtime previously offered or dedicate more of my life to the company like she does, or whatever. i was literally flabbergasted at the dialogue. i mean, how warped are your expectations that your criticism is that i leave on time? i have decent work ethic. could it use some improvement? sure. i'm sure i'd have stronger work ethic doing a job i actually enjoyed. i mean, honestly. what the shit? am i the asshole for this? for defending myself against her *criticism* for literally leaving work when i'm scheduled to and, god forbid, being happy to do so?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
well, yesterday we had performance reviews at the office. i didn't really know what to expect from mine, but i knew it wouldn't be anything bad since i do my work and do it well, don't talk much, keep to myself as much as possible, and never complain out loud. i won't lie, though. i loathe this job. however, it's tolerable enough for me to show up every day on time, do what's expected of me and then some when i'm in a good enough mood, and duke it out until i can find something better. i went in for my review and my boss had nothing but pleasant things to say...at first. toward the end of the review, her only criticism was that i'm "too eager to leave work at the end of the day." i didn't really know what to make of that at first. i mean, pardon me for not wanting to live and breathe my employment and be depressed about the end of my shift. truth is, if it was socially acceptable to jump out of the nearest window the moment my shift is over, i'd do it without hesitation. not wanting to make assumptions or jump to conclusions, i asked for clarification. she stated, "well, your work day as you know is 8am to 4:30pm and you always seem to be ready to clock out right on time. sometimes i've even seen the time clock in a background window on your desktop a few minutes early like you're preparing for it." i'd be lying if i said i didn't sit there for a minute with my eyebrows raised. i said, "with all due respect, i really don't see the issue behind essentially what amounts to leaving on time. just as well, i'm sure you're aware that hr has the timeclocks set to round down for 10 minutes, so i'm not being paid for any additional time that i'm here unless it falls within 10-minute increments. with that being said, my daily work is complete by the time the end of my shift rolls around and quite frankly, after eight hours of sitting in a chair and staring at a computer screen, i'd like to leave on time when i'm scheduled to and go home to enjoy the remainder of my day. to be fair, though, if me leaving on time is the only criticism in what was otherwise a sea of compliments, i think i'm doing well here." of course that wasn't entirely verbatim because i don't remember word-for-word what i said, but it was something along those lines in a very respectful manner. either way, she didn't look thrilled. i'm not sure if she was expecting me to volunteer for the optional overtime previously offered or dedicate more of my life to the company like she does, or whatever. i was literally flabbergasted at the dialogue. i mean, how warped are your expectations that your criticism is that i leave on time? i have decent work ethic. could it use some improvement? sure. i'm sure i'd have stronger work ethic doing a job i actually enjoyed. i mean, honestly. what the shit? am i the asshole for this? for defending myself against her *criticism* for literally leaving work when i'm scheduled to and, god forbid, being happy to do so? [/INST] nah. she’s trying to point out subtly that your dislike for the job is showing. and you pretty much confirmed it. it’s not an asshole move to leave on time and it isn’t an asshole move to want dedicated employees. that being said, they probably won’t promote you or put many extra resources into training for you because they know you ultimately are not going to stick around. that is part of what they try to asses during evaluations too. not just whether or not you are doing your job. </s>
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WIBTA if I drove 400 miles to confront my older brother?
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i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up.
about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing.
anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out.
my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls.
we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point.
before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname.
wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother?
edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling.
last
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmv86q/wibta_if_i_drove_400_miles_to_confront_my_older/
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2020-07-07 14:10:23
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yta for stopping payments without telling your older brother. i would be pretty pissed too if i was in your brother's shoes. i don't think driving out to confront your older brother in person is a good idea. not only because the pandemic is happening but also because you'd be turning up unannounced at his house to confront him.
just out of curiosity, why can't your middle brother get a job and support himself? you said nothing's wrong with him. what does he do all day? and why can't he live with your parents if he doesn't want to work?
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yta for not telling your older brother. i’m completely on his side. also, i would’ve never agreed to support a lazy ass adult. that’s why he is the way he is - you all enable him. he’s got it good, why change? your brother is totally justified.
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>about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing.
are you kidding? **yes, yta!!!** and so are your other siblings and your parents. everyone except your oldest brother, really.
>my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused.
and now you're harassing your sil to boot? what is wrong with you?
>we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family.
oh, you mean the family *you yourself are not helping*? i don't blame your brother for not wanting to talk to you. not only should you not drive to "physically confront him," you should be prostrating yourself before him and his wife to apologize and praying that he's willing to resume a relationship with you one day.
your family dynamic is seriously messed up and i applaud your older brother for finally putting his foot down, quite frankly.
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yta. you stopped and just expected him to pick up the slack? now that he found out and is mad you want to drive and confront him? the middle brother does need to learn to make it in his own. you all screwed him over and now want his wife to go behind his back. try treating him like family not a bank.
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yta your middle brother is a grown ass man. your oldest brother is right sink or swim. i wouldn’t give him a dime ever again. especially since you said your oldest brother who had to do everything for him growing up because your parents didn’t have the good sense to raise their own damn child. all of you except your oldest brother are assholes.
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op... you're insane. completely out of your mind. let's review:
**your parents are the assholes for...**
* having zero expectations of your middle brother
* raising him to believe that his "sensitivity" got him off the hook for all responsibilities both as a child and as an adult
* pawning him off onto his siblings and strongarming them into being financially responsible for a grown-ass man because they wanted to retire (boo hoo!) but still couldn't bear to ask him to lift a finger for himself
**your middle brother is the asshole for...**
* taking emotional & financial advantage of his siblings for literally his entire life
* depending on the rest of his family to bully his oldest brother into submission rather than confronting him on his own
* behaving as though he has a disability that prevents him from working to support himself
**you & your sister are the assholes for...**
* playing along with your parents' insane coddling of your middle brother & ever agreeing to be put on the hook for supporting him in the first place
* not taking your own financial instability as a clue that maybe this arrangement won't work forever and your brother needs to either learn how to swim or be allowed to sink before he drowns all six of you
* allowing your oldest brother to unknowingly take on full financial responsibility for the leech that is your middle brother because you know full well how unfair that is to him and are too much of a coward to be honest about it
* harassing his wife after he already shut down your bullshit himself and then considering showing up on their doorstep without warning to harass them both further, because for some reason nothing seems to shake you out of the zombie-like servile stupor that your parents have put you in
i'm honestly so mad reading this. you're all pathetic (except for your oldest brother; he never should have accepted this arrangement in the first place, but better to put his foot down late than never at all). it's disgusting that you've all been brainwashed into thinking that being a "sweet, sensitive boy" (🤮) excuses what sounds to be a nearly 40-year-old neurotypical able-bodied adult man from making any effort to support himself instead of being a money-sucking parasite to his entire family. the worst people here are definitely your parents, though, for creating a monster and then pushing responsibility for him onto their other children when it became inconvenient for them, rather than helping him to become an actual adult.
you'll be lucky if your oldest brother doesn't cut all five of you out of his life entirely. you'd deserve it. please wake the fuck up.
oh, and in case it wasn't clear, ywbta.
**
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i think we are past wibta.
yta, along with the rest of the family. it's not the oldest brothers job to support the middle one. it doesn't matter if your parents wanted to retire. if he's that "sensitive" it was their job to figure out a long term plan.
and yta again for stop paying along with the other sibling. if you three at least had an agreement to work this out and you stopped without saying anything, i'd be pissed too.
it's absolutely not your place to "confront" him. if you do i wouldn't be surprised if he kicks all of you out of his life.
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yta
hahahaha i love how you called free handouts “payments”
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yta. are you seriously considering driving cross-country to demand he pay for something that is 100% not nor never was his responsibility?
and you hassled his wife to take your side over his? seriously, read through all that crap again and ask yourself why this is even a question.
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ywbta. your older brother is right to be mad. you should drive out there to apologize to him, not guilt trip into financially supporting a lazy bum. your sil and husband are also right. and your middle brother won’t stop until everyone stops enabling his lazy lifestyle. how much your brother makes is completely irrelevant.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up. about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out. my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls. we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point. before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname. wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother? edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling. last
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up. about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out. my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls. we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point. before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname. wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother? edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling. last [/INST] yta for stopping payments without telling your older brother. i would be pretty pissed too if i was in your brother's shoes. i don't think driving out to confront your older brother in person is a good idea. not only because the pandemic is happening but also because you'd be turning up unannounced at his house to confront him. just out of curiosity, why can't your middle brother get a job and support himself? you said nothing's wrong with him. what does he do all day? and why can't he live with your parents if he doesn't want to work? </s>
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AITA for not telling my ex when my PhD defense was?
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i (28m) had my defense for my phd in mechanical engineering yesterday afternoon (all is well in the world). my phone was on dnd during the zoom call and so when i checked, i saw that my ex-girlfriend (28f) was repeatedly calling me throughout the entirety of my 2 hour defense. i called her back and she started yelling at me that i needed to pick our daughter (5f) from school because they said she didn’t feel well. my apartment is closer to my daughter’s school so i went over there, signed her out and picked her up.
as i’m driving back to my apartment, my ex called me back and i answered. she asked me why i’d been unavailable for so long and said that anything could’ve happened to our daughter...i told her about my defense and she said that i should’ve told her about it beforehand, but should i really have?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mclyxf/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_when_my_phd_defense_was/
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2021-03-25 01:04:58
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esh. if you’re going to be unavailable for hours due to a preplanned and unavoidable conflict, it’s best for your coparent to be aware of it in advance. however, your ex should have gone to pick up your kid if she couldn’t find you instead of leaving her at school ill and calling you repeatedly for hours when she didn’t know what was going on.
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nta
so your ex waited for two hours for you to answer your phone? while the 5 year old waited to be picked up because she wasn't feeling well?! that's all kinds of messed up.
i understand you live closer to the school to pick up ailing daughter but if you weren't picking up her call? after 10-15 minutes of you not picking up the call, she *should* have picked her happy butt up and gone to pick up daughter herself!
priorities, yes?
also, does she tell you when she will be unavailable? or does that apply only to you?
lol.
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info: what's your agreement in regards to your daughter
~~edit, also how sick was your ex~~
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esh. congrats on your defense, that's huge.
but also, you should have told your ex. i'm in academia, too. my husband has my teaching schedule blocked out on his calendar since i'll likely be unreachable during those times. his uninterruptible events go on my calendar, too.
if your ex could sit there spamming your phone with calls, maybe she could have gotten the kid. maybe she had stuff then, too. it's not anyone's favorite, but when you have young kids, your ex needs to be aware of serious, time-sensitive commitments.
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info: what's the custody situation with your daughter?
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info: who had custody of your daughter on that day?
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info: why couldn't your ex pick up your daughter? whose day was it with your daughter?
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are you really supposed to tell her every time you can’t be reached for 2 hours? i find that to be unreasonable. nta.
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esh - if your ex had the time to continually call you for two hours, she had time to go get your daughter from school, imo. however, a good coparent would have given the heads up
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info: who has custody? or rather, who had custody that day?
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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INFO
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
| 0.471119
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28m) had my defense for my phd in mechanical engineering yesterday afternoon (all is well in the world). my phone was on dnd during the zoom call and so when i checked, i saw that my ex-girlfriend (28f) was repeatedly calling me throughout the entirety of my 2 hour defense. i called her back and she started yelling at me that i needed to pick our daughter (5f) from school because they said she didn’t feel well. my apartment is closer to my daughter’s school so i went over there, signed her out and picked her up. as i’m driving back to my apartment, my ex called me back and i answered. she asked me why i’d been unavailable for so long and said that anything could’ve happened to our daughter...i told her about my defense and she said that i should’ve told her about it beforehand, but should i really have?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) had my defense for my phd in mechanical engineering yesterday afternoon (all is well in the world). my phone was on dnd during the zoom call and so when i checked, i saw that my ex-girlfriend (28f) was repeatedly calling me throughout the entirety of my 2 hour defense. i called her back and she started yelling at me that i needed to pick our daughter (5f) from school because they said she didn’t feel well. my apartment is closer to my daughter’s school so i went over there, signed her out and picked her up. as i’m driving back to my apartment, my ex called me back and i answered. she asked me why i’d been unavailable for so long and said that anything could’ve happened to our daughter...i told her about my defense and she said that i should’ve told her about it beforehand, but should i really have? [/INST] esh. if you’re going to be unavailable for hours due to a preplanned and unavoidable conflict, it’s best for your coparent to be aware of it in advance. however, your ex should have gone to pick up your kid if she couldn’t find you instead of leaving her at school ill and calling you repeatedly for hours when she didn’t know what was going on. </s>
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AITA for wearing a “real men don’t lift weights” shirt to the gym?
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i (20f) found a shirt with the words “real men don’t lift weights” in large font at the mall for $20. i thought it was funny and it’s comfortable, so i bought one. i go to the gym regularly and lift weights occasionally. i don’t really care whether guys lift weights. my boyfriend lifts weights occasionally too, but i mostly go to the gym alone since i usually go when it opens and my boyfriend likes to lift late at night.
yesterday morning was the first time i wore the shirt. i wore it to the gym. i got quite a few more looks than usual and got a few compliments on my shirt. but after i finished my cardio and moved on to the weights, this guy who was already at the weights area asked me to explain what the shirt meant. i think i’ve seen him a few times before. he’s fairly tall and well-built.
i told him that it was just a funny shirt i found and i couldn’t care less whether guys lift weights. he told me to stop lying and said no girls like guys who don’t lift weights. i told him that’s not true. he then asked me why i’m here if not to look at buff guys. i told him that i’m here to work out and to please leave me alone. he then said he never sees me using any weights over 10 pounds so i’m clearly not here to improve.
i told him to fuck off or i’ll report him. i think he then said “i know you admiring” or something dumb like that and continued his workout. i was pretty uncomfortable being that close to him so i wrapped up my workout early. i told my boyfriend about this and he did the whole i told you so thing because he already predicted i would piss off some meathead at the gym after i showed him the shirt.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/excrj9/aita_for_wearing_a_real_men_dont_lift_weights/
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2020-02-01 21:16:56
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esh, sort of. he's the asshole for being a dick and pressuring you.
yta because edgy judgemental shirts like this make a statement, whether you like it or not.
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yta, the whole “real men do this” or “don’t do this” is just toxic and it’s a kind of toxic shirt. it’s not a big deal but if you like to wear obnoxious shirts then be ready for people to have reactions
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yta
you were trolling and now you're trying to play the victim.
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yta. why would you wear an judgy, sexist shirt to the gym that insults the men there? maybe you should go out and buy a "real women don't wear makeup" to wear to parties and see how that works out for you.
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yta. what's next ? go to a vegan convention wearing a shirt that says "real men eat meat" or maybe a women's rights meeting with a "real women stay in the kitchen" shirt ? you're purposefully antagonizing people and for you to claim you had no idea what would happen is a lie. grow up and stop acting like a teenage edgelord - but if you insist on doing it, then claiming you're a victim is ridiculous.
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esh you don’t wear shirts to places insulting people for doing exactly what that place is there for. it’s not even a funny shirt. but he should have just rolled his eyes and not been so sensitive to it. but yeah you should have known it would be noticed and not appreciated
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esh. you, because you wore a shirt guaranteed to provoke others and then got all shocked-pikachu when someone confronted you on it. the guy who talked to you at the gym, because he shouldn't have taken your shirt as an invitation for sexual harassment, or whatever it was he was trying to do. your boyfriend, because no one likes to hear 'i told you so.' and finally, the designer of the tshirt and the merchandise buyer of the store you bought it from, because that shirt is dumb af.
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yta
for spending so much money on such a stupid shirt.
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yta - what if i wore a shirt that said “real women stay in the kitchen?”
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esh, wearing a t-shirt deliberately mocking people in a place you then go to is just asking for trouble. doesn't excuse crudity, hence esh, but come on, you kind of picked this fight.
next time perhaps wear your 'all lifters have tiny penises' t-shirt, i'm sure it'll go over well.
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.009798
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20f) found a shirt with the words “real men don’t lift weights” in large font at the mall for $20. i thought it was funny and it’s comfortable, so i bought one. i go to the gym regularly and lift weights occasionally. i don’t really care whether guys lift weights. my boyfriend lifts weights occasionally too, but i mostly go to the gym alone since i usually go when it opens and my boyfriend likes to lift late at night. yesterday morning was the first time i wore the shirt. i wore it to the gym. i got quite a few more looks than usual and got a few compliments on my shirt. but after i finished my cardio and moved on to the weights, this guy who was already at the weights area asked me to explain what the shirt meant. i think i’ve seen him a few times before. he’s fairly tall and well-built. i told him that it was just a funny shirt i found and i couldn’t care less whether guys lift weights. he told me to stop lying and said no girls like guys who don’t lift weights. i told him that’s not true. he then asked me why i’m here if not to look at buff guys. i told him that i’m here to work out and to please leave me alone. he then said he never sees me using any weights over 10 pounds so i’m clearly not here to improve. i told him to fuck off or i’ll report him. i think he then said “i know you admiring” or something dumb like that and continued his workout. i was pretty uncomfortable being that close to him so i wrapped up my workout early. i told my boyfriend about this and he did the whole i told you so thing because he already predicted i would piss off some meathead at the gym after i showed him the shirt.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) found a shirt with the words “real men don’t lift weights” in large font at the mall for $20. i thought it was funny and it’s comfortable, so i bought one. i go to the gym regularly and lift weights occasionally. i don’t really care whether guys lift weights. my boyfriend lifts weights occasionally too, but i mostly go to the gym alone since i usually go when it opens and my boyfriend likes to lift late at night. yesterday morning was the first time i wore the shirt. i wore it to the gym. i got quite a few more looks than usual and got a few compliments on my shirt. but after i finished my cardio and moved on to the weights, this guy who was already at the weights area asked me to explain what the shirt meant. i think i’ve seen him a few times before. he’s fairly tall and well-built. i told him that it was just a funny shirt i found and i couldn’t care less whether guys lift weights. he told me to stop lying and said no girls like guys who don’t lift weights. i told him that’s not true. he then asked me why i’m here if not to look at buff guys. i told him that i’m here to work out and to please leave me alone. he then said he never sees me using any weights over 10 pounds so i’m clearly not here to improve. i told him to fuck off or i’ll report him. i think he then said “i know you admiring” or something dumb like that and continued his workout. i was pretty uncomfortable being that close to him so i wrapped up my workout early. i told my boyfriend about this and he did the whole i told you so thing because he already predicted i would piss off some meathead at the gym after i showed him the shirt. [/INST] esh, sort of. he's the asshole for being a dick and pressuring you. yta because edgy judgemental shirts like this make a statement, whether you like it or not. </s>
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AITA for not doing anything after discovering that my wife deleted my daughter's novel?
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throwaway for privacy reasons.
i have been married to my wife hannah (36) for 2 years, she and my daughter morgan (16) don't have a daughter-mother relationship, to be completely transparent here...they both fight often and just don't get along. morgan used to spend most of her time at her mom's but now is staying with us for school.
i remember hannah telling me about a novel morgan has been writing on her laptop, she admitted to sneaking and looking at it without morgan's knowledge but she praised her writing style and story telling so i thought that was a positive thing.
yesterday, i got back home and found morgan and her mom yelling at hannah. i asked what was happening and morgon told me that hannah deleted her novel, hannah said that morgan created a character in the novel using her description and name and making her the villian, not only that but she wrote bad words about her, mirgan argued that it was just a character and hannah had no business snooping on her laptop to begin with. hannah broke down crying after my ex wife thratened her. i just watched the 3 of them fight and did nothing nor said a single word. i stepped out for a minute to get fresh air and moments later, hannah unloaded on me about how i should've defended her in the argument instead of acting so cowerdly, morgan and her mom also said that i should've done something when hannah decided to snoop then delet morgan's months worth of work. it just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face. morgan went home with her mom and she was crying and refused to speak to me and hannah checked into a hotel also refusing to speak to me.
the texts from both sides kept coming in both telling me i should've done something and should've took their side in the argument. i just had to stay out of this one, i was on my feet the entire week working, both mental and physical health are down the drain and i'm tired of them fighting all the time then blaming me for my actions/or lack of. both are expecting me to get involved and do something to fix this but i haven't done anything yet.
am i the asshole for not getting involved?
| 14,906
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su6x3a/aita_for_not_doing_anything_after_discovering/
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2022-02-16 21:27:44
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yta
hanna should pay for the recovery services to get the novel back (this will run $1500-$3000 and wont guarantee that it is successful). there is no question who ta is here and its both you and hannah.
the laptop should be powered off and not used until it is sent in for recovery to give it the bast chance of succeeding.
>it just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face.
well you arent going to have a great time here either.
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yta. as is hannah.
your daughter was writing fiction, and probably processing some stuff with that writing. hannah snooped, then deleted her work. work which was in no way public or created to hurt hannah.
you are ta for not realizing how profoundly hannah fucked up here and how inappropriate her behavior was.
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[removed]
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[removed]
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yta- defend your daughter. awww, your wife was the villain in her story? wife would have never known had she minded her own business.
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yta. your daughter needed you and you completely bailed on her. take the computer to a professional. it's possible they can recover the writing. also, anyone who would treat my daughter like that would be out of my life in a hurry.
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yta
write what you know.
that's people are encouraged to write about. sometimes one character is a mix of different people in the author's life.
sometimes it's a complete fabrication.
did you ever consider that maybe this novel could be your daughter's way of working through her feelings?
even if it was a complete vilification of your wife, this is a novel. it may not get published. it may end up being a bestseller.
chances are, it would have stayed on her computer, basically a digital version of a diary.
your wife did a terrible thing. *multiple* terrible things:
1. she snooped on your daughter's computer. she's not the mother, and even if she were, i would have issues with that.
2. she turned a creation of your daughter's imagination into an argument about herself.
3. she deleted months worth of work because she didn't like how one character was written.
your wife needs to apologize. you need to apologize. because you should *absolutely* have done something. you should have stood up for your daughter's right to privacy and the freedom to write a book.
yta
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bruh.....you get one shot to not fuck up a relationship with your daughter. that ship is sailing already and it's leaky.
are you really so dense that you can't see that the way your daughter sees your gf is way more important than the way you do? maybe take a long look at what you've been blind to.
if you had your priorities in the right place you would have told your gf she wasn't ever in the right for snooping on your daughters laptop.
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yta for not defending your daughter when your wife destroyed her creative property. and automatic yta for marrying a woman who seems to be verbally abusive to your kid. your #1 concern when marrying this woman should have been her relationship to your daughter. ultimate dad fail.
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you allowed your asshole wife to invade your daughter's privacy on multiple occasions, and thought it a "positive thing."
you learned that your asshole wife deleted your daughter's intellectual property that took a lot of time and hard work and that didn't make you livid.
you want to play switzerland in a situation where your asshole wife unambiguously victimized your daughter.
gee, hmm, i don't know, yta?
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for privacy reasons. i have been married to my wife hannah (36) for 2 years, she and my daughter morgan (16) don't have a daughter-mother relationship, to be completely transparent here...they both fight often and just don't get along. morgan used to spend most of her time at her mom's but now is staying with us for school. i remember hannah telling me about a novel morgan has been writing on her laptop, she admitted to sneaking and looking at it without morgan's knowledge but she praised her writing style and story telling so i thought that was a positive thing. yesterday, i got back home and found morgan and her mom yelling at hannah. i asked what was happening and morgon told me that hannah deleted her novel, hannah said that morgan created a character in the novel using her description and name and making her the villian, not only that but she wrote bad words about her, mirgan argued that it was just a character and hannah had no business snooping on her laptop to begin with. hannah broke down crying after my ex wife thratened her. i just watched the 3 of them fight and did nothing nor said a single word. i stepped out for a minute to get fresh air and moments later, hannah unloaded on me about how i should've defended her in the argument instead of acting so cowerdly, morgan and her mom also said that i should've done something when hannah decided to snoop then delet morgan's months worth of work. it just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face. morgan went home with her mom and she was crying and refused to speak to me and hannah checked into a hotel also refusing to speak to me. the texts from both sides kept coming in both telling me i should've done something and should've took their side in the argument. i just had to stay out of this one, i was on my feet the entire week working, both mental and physical health are down the drain and i'm tired of them fighting all the time then blaming me for my actions/or lack of. both are expecting me to get involved and do something to fix this but i haven't done anything yet. am i the asshole for not getting involved?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for privacy reasons. i have been married to my wife hannah (36) for 2 years, she and my daughter morgan (16) don't have a daughter-mother relationship, to be completely transparent here...they both fight often and just don't get along. morgan used to spend most of her time at her mom's but now is staying with us for school. i remember hannah telling me about a novel morgan has been writing on her laptop, she admitted to sneaking and looking at it without morgan's knowledge but she praised her writing style and story telling so i thought that was a positive thing. yesterday, i got back home and found morgan and her mom yelling at hannah. i asked what was happening and morgon told me that hannah deleted her novel, hannah said that morgan created a character in the novel using her description and name and making her the villian, not only that but she wrote bad words about her, mirgan argued that it was just a character and hannah had no business snooping on her laptop to begin with. hannah broke down crying after my ex wife thratened her. i just watched the 3 of them fight and did nothing nor said a single word. i stepped out for a minute to get fresh air and moments later, hannah unloaded on me about how i should've defended her in the argument instead of acting so cowerdly, morgan and her mom also said that i should've done something when hannah decided to snoop then delet morgan's months worth of work. it just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face. morgan went home with her mom and she was crying and refused to speak to me and hannah checked into a hotel also refusing to speak to me. the texts from both sides kept coming in both telling me i should've done something and should've took their side in the argument. i just had to stay out of this one, i was on my feet the entire week working, both mental and physical health are down the drain and i'm tired of them fighting all the time then blaming me for my actions/or lack of. both are expecting me to get involved and do something to fix this but i haven't done anything yet. am i the asshole for not getting involved? [/INST] yta hanna should pay for the recovery services to get the novel back (this will run $1500-$3000 and wont guarantee that it is successful). there is no question who ta is here and its both you and hannah. the laptop should be powered off and not used until it is sent in for recovery to give it the bast chance of succeeding. >it just became too much with the 3 of them berating me and yelling in my face. well you arent going to have a great time here either. </s>
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AITA for "hacking" my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?
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i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk.
recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for.
my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?"
my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it."
right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.
my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said.
i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.
it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
| 24,932
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jkqq4c/aita_for_hacking_my_moms_instagram_to_see_if_she/
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2020-10-30 05:04:29
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nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid.
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nta. i would recommend a cya and tell the family what your mom did and how you responded so that they know you didn’t have anything to do with it.
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nta your husband is right. she literally could ruin your lives with that information.
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nta, your husband is right: you gave her a chance to come clean she didn't. she could've easily endangered your job and the family you nanny for, i mean the nda is there for a reason...
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nta
she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract. she is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger
worse is you dont know how amber will use that info. your family already hates her and sees her as toxic.
whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer
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nta
i don't think your mom gets how bad this. i sign ndas all day every day for my what i do. i work in hollywood and it part of the job. your mom doesn't get that her violating this nda is not just breaking your the trust with this family. it will ruin all potential job opportunities. it really will. the chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an nda.. it won't be easy. not at all.
also this is why my mom and i don't talk about my work at all. luckily i love 3k miles away so that helps.
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nta, but who do you work for??? just kidding. i’m sorry you have to go through this.
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nta. ordinarily, i’m not a fan of snooping. but she put your (apparently awesome) job at risk and potentially opened your family up to legal liability. all to one up a frenemy. you needed to know who the leak was in case anything got back to your employer. your mom is the one who cannot be trusted—she is just trying to turn the tables on you.
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report her to the family you work for this is a serious issue. also i wouldn’t say it was hacking as obviously she shared the password with you.
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nta
i seriously hope you have a record of your mom's dm, because you're going to need it. if not, get that screenshot or record asap. then strict no contact with mom.
get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing anything or telling anyone else. honestly, probably should delete this post too.
signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita? [/INST] nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid. </s>
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AITA for honestly telling my GF what I would change about her?
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i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it.
then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages
so am i the ah for being honest?
| 10,597
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t177hl/aita_for_honestly_telling_my_gf_what_i_would/
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2022-02-25 15:53:49
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yta. you saw an opportunity to confront your gf about things you’re not attracted to under the guise of “oh look how fun and sweet”. you tricked her and made her feel like shit.
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yta you saw a trend on tik tok of two people accepting each other and decided to use it as a way to nitpick your gf's appearance.
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yta. you actually think your appearance is perfect? you don't deserve her, and i'm willing to bet she's way out of your league anyways. negging is so toxic.
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha—gasps for air—hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... yta.
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yta. "all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort". good god. go date someone else who doesn't have to put in effort to change things about themselves for you. it is understandable to have a preference for a partner...it can be brought up in a much better way if it's that important (imo this would be something affecting quality of life). if you're not attracted to her don't be with her. you saw an opportunity to point out how you want her skinnier and hairless and jumped on it. well done.
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yta - come on, man. how did you even write this?
"i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. **i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance**, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort."
your gf thought you were doing a lame cutesy thing where you both say "you're perfect already!" and you go "i wouldn't change anything fundamental but... could you lose 25 pounds, start working out, and make an appointment with an esthetician already?"
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yta. a huge asshole. you saw the tiktok, you started the conversation. your gf didn't criticize you like that - and you turned what was supposed to be cute into an opportunity to criticize her and ask her to change her body.
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yta. the fact that you got your feelings hurt when your gf made a comment abt your body is a double standard. don’t comment on her body if you didn’t want your body commented on.
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yta. it was your idea to start this conversation, and you did it so that you could insult your girlfriend. was it worth it? you made your girlfriend cry.
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yta. you were just looking for an excuse to verbalize your criticisms.
if i were your girlfriend, and you asked me what it is you'd like to change, i'd wish that you weren't an asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it. then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages so am i the ah for being honest?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it. then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages so am i the ah for being honest? [/INST] yta. you saw an opportunity to confront your gf about things you’re not attracted to under the guise of “oh look how fun and sweet”. you tricked her and made her feel like shit. </s>
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AITA for cancelling mother's day celebration that I arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son?
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i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be.
as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her.
i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.
| 39,102
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulcrp6/aita_for_cancelling_mothers_day_celebration_that/
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2022-05-08 22:22:26
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nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better.
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nta. oh my god. op, it’s highly unlikely this is the first time either of them has been nasty to him. you are all he has in this world. please hire a really good shark of a divorce lawyer and divorce this woman asap. you need to protect your son and yourself.
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nta
your poor son. please tell me you went to talk to him after this.
your wife wants your son left out. i'd be having a serious conversation about that. if she doesn't drop it, if she doesn't start treating your son as a part of the family, i hate to say this, but divorce her, because no woman is worth losing your child over. you're a dual package.
her excuse about him being an introvert was shite. no way in hell he'd ruin a dinner by being polite and keeping to himself. she just wanted him out of there.
please be there for your son. she poked a bad wound with her comments.
being reminded you don't have a mother to celebrate on this day is... terrible.
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nta.
i'm so proud of you for standing up for your son. my gosh, there are so many who wouldn't. kudos, good sir. you're restoring a little bit of faith in humanity for me.
your wife and step-daughter have done this to him before, i'm sure of it. i'll bet if you ask him enough times (because he won't want to rock the boat and he thinks it's all his fault right now) he'll finally open up and let you know what's really happened. (now, then, whenever, let him know this isn't his fault.)
because of that and her temper tantrums (are you f'n kidding me right now?!), she can go screw herself. get ready for the possibility of divorce. sorry, but keep it in the back of your mind just in case. i don't like bullies who keep their actions secret and that's what she and *her* daughter (not yours, never yours if she can do this to her "brother") are doing to your son.
that poor kid's been through enough. time to do right by him and you.
i hope things get better for you and him.
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cancel a party?! hell i would leave her for talking to my child that way. what is wrong with that woman?
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nta. but have you talked with your son? this can’t be the first time they’ve ganged up on him. i would be concerned that he’s being bullied by them when you’re not around
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nta.
she showed you who she was. let her stay gone.
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nta. your wife and step daughter on the other hand...
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nta - just think of all of the things she has said to your son over the years that you werent lucky enough to have overheard??!!
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nta. this is irreparable damage, in my opinion. i wouldn’t want that woman around my son anymore.
(i’m a bonus mom and if i spoke to my bonus son that way i would *expect* my husband to divorce me.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore. [/INST] nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better. </s>
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AITA for not letting my teen daughter accept a gift from my son's girlfriend?
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my son adam has been dating a girl, who i'll call laura for the last few months. she's really lovely. intelligent, kind, beautiful. her family are much more well off than ours. they met at uni and are both studying engineering.
laura and my 13 year old daughter (who i'll call louise) had a movie night yesterday evening. everything went fine but when laura had left i noticed louise wearing laura's scarf. i asked her and she said she'd given it to her as a gift since she has loads of other scarves.
laura has expensive tastes. the scarf was branded and i googled it. won't go into detail but this scarf just wasn't in our price range.
i told louise to give back the scarf next time she sees laura. i did this for a few reasons. firstly, laura's family are well off enough to afford to throw expensive gifts at people. my family aren't that wealthy. i want louise to grow up learning the value of money. also, that scarf is fairly delicate and i'm not sure louise can be trusted to look after such an item.
louise was really upset and both adam and my husband were very unhappy with me, saying that it's laura's choice who she gives gifts to. i understand that but i don't think this was an appropriate gift at all.
| 11,021
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0pmp1/aita_for_not_letting_my_teen_daughter_accept_a/
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2020-02-08 09:55:55
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yta what the hell lol. honestly you wouldn't have phrased this as "throwing expensive gifts at people" if you didn't have some issues. and that whole thing about wanting your daughter to know the value of money also doesn't make a lick of sense--is she supposed to refuse every gift she's ever given? i sincerely doubt that your son's girlfriend had any malicious intent behind this she just wanted to give something to her boyfriend's sister.
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yta. you have an inferiority complex that reeks through my phone's screen.
is a gift! branded or not, is the thought that counts! they are friends!
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sorry but yta big time... as a 13 year old girl, your daughter probably looks up to your son’s girlfriend, and the scarf would have been a very special gift that meant a lot to her - regardless of the price tag attached to it (which i doubt your daughter cared about). it would be absolutely mortifying for her to have to give it back and say it was because her mother said she wasn’t grown up enough to look after it... your daughter is a teenager. confiscating a gift because you think she isn’t responsible enough to care would be very disheartening to your daughter. have a little faith in her. at that age you should trust and allow her the opportunity to learn responsibility. the bottom line is - the scarf was a harmless gift. i truly believe it is not your place to step in here and you are crossing a line by making her return it.
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yta
you might see it as teaching your daughter the value of money, but it looks like you're telling her that she doesn't deserve nice things under any circumstances.
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yta it is a scarf. it was also a gift. you do not get to be gift commandant. you are not teaching her the value of a dollar. you are teaching her she cannot have gifts because they make her parent feel small.
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yta - yes she spoils learn the value of money. but shouldn’t she also learn the value of appreciation and giving. teach her to be thankful and teach her to take care of the scarf since you don’t think she can. also what picture would it paint to laura that just because they’re well off and she gifted something in her price range you won’t accept it.
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yta. it’s sad that other people’s money makes you feel so insecure. you don’t need to inflict your issues on your daughter.
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yta
your daughter got a gift and now she has to return it from you because it's expensive? what will the gf of your son think when your daughter returns it..
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yta -
it sounds like the value of a dollar is different for laura than it is for you, and because that makes you uncomfortable you want to deny a thoughtful gift to your daughter.
i get not wanting your daughter to get overly accustomed to expensive gifts, but that is a quiet conversation you have with laura. you don’t take it away from your daughter. that just insults your daughter and laura.
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i n f o: why would you google the brand and cost of the gift? that's just weird. it also makes me think you don't like or dont approve of the girlfriend.
fyi i'm going with yta regardless of your answer, i'm just curious.
this has nothing to do with your daughter and teaching her value, it sounds like it has everything to do with you feeling financially insecure.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son adam has been dating a girl, who i'll call laura for the last few months. she's really lovely. intelligent, kind, beautiful. her family are much more well off than ours. they met at uni and are both studying engineering. laura and my 13 year old daughter (who i'll call louise) had a movie night yesterday evening. everything went fine but when laura had left i noticed louise wearing laura's scarf. i asked her and she said she'd given it to her as a gift since she has loads of other scarves. laura has expensive tastes. the scarf was branded and i googled it. won't go into detail but this scarf just wasn't in our price range. i told louise to give back the scarf next time she sees laura. i did this for a few reasons. firstly, laura's family are well off enough to afford to throw expensive gifts at people. my family aren't that wealthy. i want louise to grow up learning the value of money. also, that scarf is fairly delicate and i'm not sure louise can be trusted to look after such an item. louise was really upset and both adam and my husband were very unhappy with me, saying that it's laura's choice who she gives gifts to. i understand that but i don't think this was an appropriate gift at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son adam has been dating a girl, who i'll call laura for the last few months. she's really lovely. intelligent, kind, beautiful. her family are much more well off than ours. they met at uni and are both studying engineering. laura and my 13 year old daughter (who i'll call louise) had a movie night yesterday evening. everything went fine but when laura had left i noticed louise wearing laura's scarf. i asked her and she said she'd given it to her as a gift since she has loads of other scarves. laura has expensive tastes. the scarf was branded and i googled it. won't go into detail but this scarf just wasn't in our price range. i told louise to give back the scarf next time she sees laura. i did this for a few reasons. firstly, laura's family are well off enough to afford to throw expensive gifts at people. my family aren't that wealthy. i want louise to grow up learning the value of money. also, that scarf is fairly delicate and i'm not sure louise can be trusted to look after such an item. louise was really upset and both adam and my husband were very unhappy with me, saying that it's laura's choice who she gives gifts to. i understand that but i don't think this was an appropriate gift at all. [/INST] yta what the hell lol. honestly you wouldn't have phrased this as "throwing expensive gifts at people" if you didn't have some issues. and that whole thing about wanting your daughter to know the value of money also doesn't make a lick of sense--is she supposed to refuse every gift she's ever given? i sincerely doubt that your son's girlfriend had any malicious intent behind this she just wanted to give something to her boyfriend's sister. </s>
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AITA for calling my MIL a crybaby and saying her birthday isn't as important as my son's first birthday?
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mil fucking loves her birthday. she kept joking when i was pregnant that if i went into labor on her birthday (2 days before my due date) i better hold him in. well karma, he was born on her birthday and she was not pleased. mil came to the hospital for about ten minutes, but said she had plans and left.
this year she is turning 50 and he is turning 1 and the day falls on a saturday. i was super excited that i could have his first party on the actual day, and immediately started making plans. mil said she is having a party that day, so i need to do his another weekend. i thought that was ridiculous because one of them is a little kid and it isn't her. i know technically we could do his in the afternoon and hers at night, but my in laws throw crazy parties. her fortieth was like the size of a wedding and it requires lots of prep, hair, makeup, so it really wouldn't fit.
i refused to move the date of his party. mil got mad and said he won't even remember. fil told me my son isn't the end all be all and she was born first. i told mil she was being a crybaby and to build a bridge and get over it. i said he is a little kid, so his is more important than hers, and she can do her ridiculous pageant/birthday party another day (didn't say that part out loud)
mil is now not talking to us, but not changing the date. this means the family will go to her party, and i feel like she is being really immature. i have no regrets for what i said, but her daughters called me an asshole and now aren't talking to their brother.
| 9,562
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pateg5/aita_for_calling_my_mil_a_crybaby_and_saying_her/
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2021-08-24 18:40:01
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esh. really? nobody could find a compromise around times and dates? grow up everyone
it's amazing that the 1yo may just be the most mature person in this story
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yta. this one is a tough one for me. if it was her 48th birthday or her 53rd, i'd be fully on your side. but milestone birthdays are allowed to be a big deal, even for adults. so i understand both your side and her side. if it were me i'd do one big combined party for both of them and think it was neat to have a grandson and grandma sharing a birthday, but that's just me. i'm voting yta because of what you said to her: that was just nasty.
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esh- a 50th birthday is a milestone just like a 1st birthday. you could’ve worked together and compromised but you both seem too immature to do so. you don’t seem to like mil that much anyway so enjoy your son’s party without her (and half his family).
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yta. while insufferable, mil isn’t obliged to accommodate your plans. i edge to mils side because you’re hiding the ball…baby couldn’t care less if or when a party occurs. this is about you and your demand for priority on baby’s behalf.
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esh because you all sound exhausting but if i'm honest i'd probably give this one a slight hedge in your mil's favor. 50 is as much a milestone birthday as 1, but one that she will remember and your son will likely just be cranky and overwhelmed with a room full of unfamiliar people throwing him off his schedule. first birthday parties are for the parents, not the kid. and whether you find your mil's love of her own birthday ridiculous is irrelevant. she enjoys it. so find a compromise that doesn't make everybody as cranky as your 1 year old will be at his party. give her 50 in exchange for making your son the be all and end all next year and joint celebrations thereafter or something
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yta- you are being stubborn and your mil is right, your son won’t care if his birthday is on the sunday or the week after. this is her 50th birthday and she wants a big celebration, so what? your son will be just as happy playing in an empty box at 1 yr old.
you are going to have this problem every year. be better. this shouldn’t be a hill to die on this year.
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i was going to say that everyone sucks here, but because of your reasoning yta. no, because your son is a little kid his birthday isn't more important, especially since he's only 1 and won't even understand what's happening. your son's birthday party is literally only for you. i can't imagine a 1-year-olds birthday party taking that long anyway, so just have your parties at separate times on the same day.
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esh. a 1st birthday party is more of a party for the other people in the family. she's correct, the child won't remember. furthermore -- how old are *you?* saying something like 'i told mil she was being a crybaby and to build a bridge and get over it' is a ridiculously childish way to communicate with someone else.
she's ridiculous, you're ridiculous, the whole thing is ridiculous.
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yta. a first birthday party is nice but it's a relatively small, subdued affair. of course a 50th birthday blowout needs a saturday. this isn't bout your one year old, it's about you. also, just out of curiosity, what's your husband's take on this? does he really want all this drama or was he happy to move the date?
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esh. *everyone* here is acting less mature than the birthday boy. though if i *have* to pick a side, i'm with mil.
>he won't even remember
well, he won't. besides, if you think her digging in her heels and making such a fuss over the whole thing is so ridiculous, why are you so determined to set the precedent that the entire world should revolve around him on his "special day," instead of leading by example that it's no big deal if you're a few days off?
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.022045
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: mil fucking loves her birthday. she kept joking when i was pregnant that if i went into labor on her birthday (2 days before my due date) i better hold him in. well karma, he was born on her birthday and she was not pleased. mil came to the hospital for about ten minutes, but said she had plans and left. this year she is turning 50 and he is turning 1 and the day falls on a saturday. i was super excited that i could have his first party on the actual day, and immediately started making plans. mil said she is having a party that day, so i need to do his another weekend. i thought that was ridiculous because one of them is a little kid and it isn't her. i know technically we could do his in the afternoon and hers at night, but my in laws throw crazy parties. her fortieth was like the size of a wedding and it requires lots of prep, hair, makeup, so it really wouldn't fit. i refused to move the date of his party. mil got mad and said he won't even remember. fil told me my son isn't the end all be all and she was born first. i told mil she was being a crybaby and to build a bridge and get over it. i said he is a little kid, so his is more important than hers, and she can do her ridiculous pageant/birthday party another day (didn't say that part out loud) mil is now not talking to us, but not changing the date. this means the family will go to her party, and i feel like she is being really immature. i have no regrets for what i said, but her daughters called me an asshole and now aren't talking to their brother.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
mil fucking loves her birthday. she kept joking when i was pregnant that if i went into labor on her birthday (2 days before my due date) i better hold him in. well karma, he was born on her birthday and she was not pleased. mil came to the hospital for about ten minutes, but said she had plans and left. this year she is turning 50 and he is turning 1 and the day falls on a saturday. i was super excited that i could have his first party on the actual day, and immediately started making plans. mil said she is having a party that day, so i need to do his another weekend. i thought that was ridiculous because one of them is a little kid and it isn't her. i know technically we could do his in the afternoon and hers at night, but my in laws throw crazy parties. her fortieth was like the size of a wedding and it requires lots of prep, hair, makeup, so it really wouldn't fit. i refused to move the date of his party. mil got mad and said he won't even remember. fil told me my son isn't the end all be all and she was born first. i told mil she was being a crybaby and to build a bridge and get over it. i said he is a little kid, so his is more important than hers, and she can do her ridiculous pageant/birthday party another day (didn't say that part out loud) mil is now not talking to us, but not changing the date. this means the family will go to her party, and i feel like she is being really immature. i have no regrets for what i said, but her daughters called me an asshole and now aren't talking to their brother. [/INST] esh. really? nobody could find a compromise around times and dates? grow up everyone it's amazing that the 1yo may just be the most mature person in this story </s>
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AITA for cockblocking my older brother
|
obligatory throwaway, on mobile, & happened last week.
so i (24m) decided on a whim to visit my parents who live 2 hours away. when i showed up my parents & my brother (26m) were prepping to host a dinner party type thing. my parents were glad to see me but my brother's always been kinda weird and didn't even acknowledge my presence but it was chill & i've gotten used to it.
fast forward a few hours their guests arrive & my parents' friends brought their daughter, who looked to be me & my brother's age, who i will call iris for the sake of this story, with them. i was minding my own business & feeding my cat an egg when iris came by to say hi & she thought it was the coolest thing ever & we started talking about animals & food which branched off into a ton of other shit & turns out we had a lot in common so we kept chatting all night.
this whole time my brother has not said shit to me or iris at all & just watched us from across the dinner table & as soon as dinner was over he dipped to his room while me & iris played overcooked. i went upstairs to invite my brother but his door was locked & he was ignoring me so i said fuck it and just played without him.
as iris & co. were leaving we exchanged numbers and made plans while i was still in the area. as soon as the door closed all hell broke loose. my parents started berating me because turns out, they set the whole dinner party thing up to try and get my brother & iris together & i apparently fucked the whole thing up.
i told them that i had no idea & my brother has been ignoring me since i got back. my parents told me to lose iris's number & if she texted me i'm not to respond. this is the part where i may be an asshole. i told my parents to pound sand & that i was going to check into a hotel & as soon as i was settled in i was going to text her.
i've been talking to iris & she told me that her parents don't really talk to my parents as much anymore so i'm wondering if i fucked something major up. aita here.
| 10,793
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jg8of4/aita_for_cockblocking_my_older_brother/
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2020-10-22 21:08:51
|
info
> i was minding my own business & feeding my cat an egg
ok, this is the only part of the story i want to talk about anymore.
what kind of egg? hard-boiled? do you have to slice it, or does the cat bite right in?
do you salt it? how did you first discover the cat liked eggs? do you make eggs just for the cat now, or is it more like having a little of yours?
what kind of cat? did it always eat eggs? chicken eggs, or more cat-sized (quail i guess) eggs? pics of the cat plz.
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nta assuming that you aren’t a hunk who has a track record of taking girls away from your brother. otherwise i would totally fall for the guy feeding an egg to his cat and talking to me versus the entitled pouty pta who locked himself in his room because i wasn’t handed over to him as agreed to by our respective parental overlords.
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nta
you had no idea what the gathering was about, and iris is not a bundle of a wheat to be sold to your brother. you had chemistry, and you two hit it off. cheers to you!
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definitely nta. iris isn't an object, she's a person that took interest in you.
also the way you brother reacted? locking himself in his room, no wonder your parents had to set him up lolololol you seem like a fun person to be around op, i definitely relate and if put in your shoes i would've done the same thing.
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i wouldn't call this a cockblock because iris clearly showed 0 interest in your brother. do your parents think that if you don't contact iris, that she'll automatically go running to your brother, like their sons are the only potential suitors in the world?
if it was so important that iris be set up with your brother, why didn't he or your parents let you know beforehand? hell, they even could have pulled you aside to let you know, or your brother could have privately chatted with you when you went up to his room. instead, he was sulky and childish. i wouldn't be surprised if he was acting that way during dinner which was a total turn off for iris, while you feeding the cat an egg was an (obvious) turn on. nta.
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nta.
if your parent’s plans were to “set-up” iris with your brother, they probably should have said something to you if it was that important. also clearly iris made a choice to talk and hang-out with you and not your anti-social brother and for good reason if he’s as stand-offish as this post makes him sound. you gave him a chance to join in too, he acted like a petty child.
if something is messed up between your parent’s and her’s that’s not your problem imo. besides, y’all two sound like there could be a good friendship if nothing else so i say keep texting.
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damn, not only is this funny, but you accidentally pulled a fast one on the whole family xd
nta. you were unaware of the situation, and the parents should have told you. you gave your brother the chance to meet iris yet he chose not to. you were 100% in the right.
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nta. this is weird. obviously iris wasn't interested in your brother and if she was, she would have talked to him. your parents are being ridiculous and you have every right to get with iris if you wish, you're an adult. besides, you didn't even know they were trying to set the two up. your family sounds pretty weird, honestly.
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if this is real this is wild as hell lmao. what an awful situation. but if nobody told you anything, or pulled you over and told you what it was about, how were you suppose to know? so i’m saying nta if you had no clue the party was rip get iris and your brother together
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nta. the initial evening was fine because you (and apparently iris) weren't told of what was apparently everyone else's secret agenda; you can't be an asshole about that without knowing. and when your parents ordered you to ghost her, that would have been an asshole thing to do, so asking you to be an asshole makes them the assholes. your parents and brother were the asshole for setting up the manipulative scheme against iris, and for involving you in it without warning. if iris' parents were in on it as well, they're also the assholes, and if they used to be friends with your parents, but aren't because of your actions, they're the assholes again. your brother sounds like he was the asshole before any of this, which is probably why your parents are working to fix him up with someone in the first place...i don't know what iris' parents' excuse is. if you're from a culture where parents buy spouses for kids in arranged marriages, or want to rid of family of female offspring to reduce their financial liabilities, perhaps it was greed.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory throwaway, on mobile, & happened last week. so i (24m) decided on a whim to visit my parents who live 2 hours away. when i showed up my parents & my brother (26m) were prepping to host a dinner party type thing. my parents were glad to see me but my brother's always been kinda weird and didn't even acknowledge my presence but it was chill & i've gotten used to it. fast forward a few hours their guests arrive & my parents' friends brought their daughter, who looked to be me & my brother's age, who i will call iris for the sake of this story, with them. i was minding my own business & feeding my cat an egg when iris came by to say hi & she thought it was the coolest thing ever & we started talking about animals & food which branched off into a ton of other shit & turns out we had a lot in common so we kept chatting all night. this whole time my brother has not said shit to me or iris at all & just watched us from across the dinner table & as soon as dinner was over he dipped to his room while me & iris played overcooked. i went upstairs to invite my brother but his door was locked & he was ignoring me so i said fuck it and just played without him. as iris & co. were leaving we exchanged numbers and made plans while i was still in the area. as soon as the door closed all hell broke loose. my parents started berating me because turns out, they set the whole dinner party thing up to try and get my brother & iris together & i apparently fucked the whole thing up. i told them that i had no idea & my brother has been ignoring me since i got back. my parents told me to lose iris's number & if she texted me i'm not to respond. this is the part where i may be an asshole. i told my parents to pound sand & that i was going to check into a hotel & as soon as i was settled in i was going to text her. i've been talking to iris & she told me that her parents don't really talk to my parents as much anymore so i'm wondering if i fucked something major up. aita here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
obligatory throwaway, on mobile, & happened last week. so i (24m) decided on a whim to visit my parents who live 2 hours away. when i showed up my parents & my brother (26m) were prepping to host a dinner party type thing. my parents were glad to see me but my brother's always been kinda weird and didn't even acknowledge my presence but it was chill & i've gotten used to it. fast forward a few hours their guests arrive & my parents' friends brought their daughter, who looked to be me & my brother's age, who i will call iris for the sake of this story, with them. i was minding my own business & feeding my cat an egg when iris came by to say hi & she thought it was the coolest thing ever & we started talking about animals & food which branched off into a ton of other shit & turns out we had a lot in common so we kept chatting all night. this whole time my brother has not said shit to me or iris at all & just watched us from across the dinner table & as soon as dinner was over he dipped to his room while me & iris played overcooked. i went upstairs to invite my brother but his door was locked & he was ignoring me so i said fuck it and just played without him. as iris & co. were leaving we exchanged numbers and made plans while i was still in the area. as soon as the door closed all hell broke loose. my parents started berating me because turns out, they set the whole dinner party thing up to try and get my brother & iris together & i apparently fucked the whole thing up. i told them that i had no idea & my brother has been ignoring me since i got back. my parents told me to lose iris's number & if she texted me i'm not to respond. this is the part where i may be an asshole. i told my parents to pound sand & that i was going to check into a hotel & as soon as i was settled in i was going to text her. i've been talking to iris & she told me that her parents don't really talk to my parents as much anymore so i'm wondering if i fucked something major up. aita here. [/INST] info > i was minding my own business & feeding my cat an egg ok, this is the only part of the story i want to talk about anymore. what kind of egg? hard-boiled? do you have to slice it, or does the cat bite right in? do you salt it? how did you first discover the cat liked eggs? do you make eggs just for the cat now, or is it more like having a little of yours? what kind of cat? did it always eat eggs? chicken eggs, or more cat-sized (quail i guess) eggs? pics of the cat plz. </s>
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AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?
|
i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are:
james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.
danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too.
so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.
so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.
so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine.
so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired."
i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.
the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"
of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.
anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.
aita for this joke?
| 60,634
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e5k3z2/aita_for_pretending_to_get_fired_when_customers/
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2019-12-03 17:07:53
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nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.
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nta. i think it’s hilarious and maybe it’ll teach some people a lesson about controlling their assholery.
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you’re not an asshole at all. you’re the hero retailers need! brilliant.
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nta - customers can be fucking dicks. usually people are pretty respectful and reasonable, even when they have a legit complaint... but every now and then there's the one guy or gal that comes in and just can't be made happy. they're the worst.
i've taken the approach of "killing with kindness" and being sarcastically polite... "oh, ok sir. i can microwave your coffee for you, would you like 2 minutes or 5?" it's fun, usually pisses them off more but they can't do anything because you're not saying anything wrong.
i'm curious how the customer acts when they come in the next day / following week and you're still behind the counter?
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nta- fun fact harrods actually hires people for this. if a customer is upset in the store, the manager will call back the “offender” and fire them in front of the customer to satiate them. then, the guy who’s job it is to be fired just goes back to the back room and waits for another customer to get angry so he can be fired again. i think it’s even better that you’re using it to make people think twice about being a-holes in the store
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this kind of reminds me of a video on youtube where a kid (teen) goes to a barber for a haircut and i can't remember what the prank was but his intention was to prank the barber with some kind of shock reaction prank.
well, someone had told the barber about what the kid had planned so the barber had his own prank planned.
when the kid did his prank, the barber faked a heart attack and "died" right there on the barber shop floor. it was hilarious.
i know this isn't the same thing as op post but for some reason it made me remember it.
|
esh
the customers are obviously assholes for being assholes for no good reason.
yes, you are a little bit of an asshole. is it justified? absolutely. are you still an asshole? yes. unfortunately, in a customer service role, you are always going to have to deal with people who are angry over absolutely nothing. it is part of the job. is it fair? no. in a perfect world, those customers would not exist, but we live in reality and that is part of the reality especially of that job.
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nta. [some places have mirrors placed behind the counter because it has proven that people behave better when they can see what they look like when they act out.](http://disclosive.com/list/why-big-mirrors-are-installed-in-bars-behind-the-counters) some people seriously need a wake up call when they start misbehaving.
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is this a good idea? i know if i see a manager or lead fire an employee in public i would think less of the business and management. and likely get my. coffee elsewhere. you may be indirectly costing the business by doing so. may not be a big deal to you, but to the owners of a small business it can do harm.
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nta. that's hilarious, and puts shitty customers in their place.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.024102
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke? [/INST] nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers. </s>
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AITA for leaving a family gathering because my family made me sit at the kid table?
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for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa.
i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now.
i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
| 24,954
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2n3hq/aita_for_leaving_a_family_gathering_because_my/
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2021-08-11 21:54:22
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nta - i love you took your quiche with you too.
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nta.
>don't act dumb and then get mad when people find out.
ew though, your aunt is totally an asshole. they probably want you at the kids table to play babysitter. i would have left too tbh.
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nta, and your aunt owes you an apology. she seems to think that people aren't adults until they . . . what? get married and have kids? as an unmarried, childless person in my late 40s i find that exceptionally and genuinely amusing, and even sort of appreciate that she apparently thinks i'm a kid, but also, she's objectively completely wrong. you are an adult not only legally, but by any reasonable standard (except maybe that your prefrontal cortex still has a little growing to do, but that's whether you're married and have kids or not, so still defeats her argument).
you are nta, but your aunt is petty and your uncle and grandparents aren't any better. i'm sure they would have been furious if someone had treated them that way at 22.
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nta
they wanted you to play babysitter
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nta.
you were just saving the seat at the kids table for your aunt since that where she seems to belong.
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nta
>she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
i can't have children so would i never be regarded as an adult? i'm old enough to both drive a car and then get arrested for it because i can't drive.
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nta -- children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche.
sounds like your aunt doesn't have much to contribute to the adult conversation either.
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nta. aunt is an asshole for drawing that kind of line for no purpose. i would have no issue sitting at kid's table (29m with no children) because i love my nieces and nephew and don't see them enough but you're absolutely in the right to be offended by your aunt remark. forcing that line is just plain asshole behavior.
anyone pushing arbitrary rule is in my book an asshole. let people live and stop trying to control people's life.
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22 is not a child and saying someone that age has nothing to contribute to a conversation is just rude. nta and good for you for standing up for yourself. what are they talking about that's so important that you wont be able to chime in?
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nta, though i'm not sure why you'd even want to sit at a table with a bunch of assholes who think you have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless you have kids.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita? [/INST] nta - i love you took your quiche with you too. </s>
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AITA for letting a girl believe regular brownies were “weed brownies” and letting her make a fool of herself all night in front of our friends?
|
so there’s this girl in my friend group. she has a tendency to be kind of over the top and stretches the truth a lot. we all were hanging out over the weekend to celebrate another friend’s birthday. apparently a few people had the idea to give her “pot brownies” and see how she’d react. the catch is that they had nothing in them at all. but they were banking on her acting high anyway to fit in with everyone else.
i didn’t find out about this whole plan until i got there. everyone else pretended to be high and so did the girl, predictably. i didn’t participate in that part but i also didn’t tell her it was all a huge joke at her expense.
at the end of the night someone told her and called her out on always being fake. she got really upset and ended up leaving the party early by herself. i do feel bad for her but i also feel like she kind of brings this on herself sometimes because she’s always trying too hard.
again though, this wasn’t my prank and i probably wouldn’t have planned something like this myself. but it is what it is now.
aita?
**
| 12,340
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dbkeeh/aita_for_letting_a_girl_believe_regular_brownies/
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2019-09-30 23:37:02
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yta. there can be a placebo effect when people unknowingly drink non-alcoholic beer, i imagine something similar can happen when people are told they've ingested marijuana.
even if she is over the top, an entire group of people came together to bully a girl. like that's it. she's insecure and her "friends" stood around mocking her. bravo.
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yta. if you already know she stretches the truth and none of you like her, why are you even hanging out with her in the first place? so you can bully her? she’s obviously got her own flaws, but evidently so do you. grow up.
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i mean, yta. preying on your friend's insecurities seems really mean..
i can't help but feel that the worst pranks are the ones that leave the prankee feeling like shit after. i'm not even involved and i feel bad.
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yta. some “friends” you lot are.
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yta if she is probably just insecure, and who wouldn't be woth friends like these assholes? y'all were totally cruel and for what reason, becuase she streches the truth sometimes. that's not malicious but y'all certainly are. you should all apologize.
|
yta (and all of her "friends")
to start off - sounds like she needs to be called out, and reassured, in private, that she doesn't need to lie to kick it.
to have a big group of people she trusts be in on this "plot" to expose her is just cruel. a group of people banded together (against her) with the sole purpose of "teaching her a lesson"...
to be clear - she needs to know what she's doing is unnecessary and annoying. have a closer friend talk to her about this issue. reassure her that you all dig her as she is. call out obvious lies as they occur. (not in a group setting)
.....also.... check in on her. this level of humiliation can cause people to do incredibly harmful things to themselves.
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yta. a relatively mild one for the prank, since it wasn't your prank, you just didn't intervene. but you're a bigger ta for this:
> i do feel bad for her but i also feel like she kind of brings this on herself sometimes because she’s always trying too hard.
what exactly do you think this phrase even means? trying too hard? she's trying *to have friends.* *to fit in.* *to have fun like everyone else.* those aren't bad things to want or try to have or even put effort into getting! why do they warrant some sort of punishment? jfc who taught you and your friends that someone wanting to fit in was bad and wrong?
|
esh except the girl. that said, you don’t especially suck (the ones who planned it suck more) but you still suck for participating and being a part of humiliating her in a group setting. her being over the top doesn’t give everyone permission to be jerks to her for fun or to “teach her a lesson”. you were all bullies to her. this is the way movies like carrie come about.
|
wow, that's some mean girls level of behavior. yta and certainly not this poor girl's friends.
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random note for the commenters here; bear in mind that if she did think they were pot brownies odds are she had at least some level of placebo effect going on
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null | 0.000485
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so there’s this girl in my friend group. she has a tendency to be kind of over the top and stretches the truth a lot. we all were hanging out over the weekend to celebrate another friend’s birthday. apparently a few people had the idea to give her “pot brownies” and see how she’d react. the catch is that they had nothing in them at all. but they were banking on her acting high anyway to fit in with everyone else. i didn’t find out about this whole plan until i got there. everyone else pretended to be high and so did the girl, predictably. i didn’t participate in that part but i also didn’t tell her it was all a huge joke at her expense. at the end of the night someone told her and called her out on always being fake. she got really upset and ended up leaving the party early by herself. i do feel bad for her but i also feel like she kind of brings this on herself sometimes because she’s always trying too hard. again though, this wasn’t my prank and i probably wouldn’t have planned something like this myself. but it is what it is now. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so there’s this girl in my friend group. she has a tendency to be kind of over the top and stretches the truth a lot. we all were hanging out over the weekend to celebrate another friend’s birthday. apparently a few people had the idea to give her “pot brownies” and see how she’d react. the catch is that they had nothing in them at all. but they were banking on her acting high anyway to fit in with everyone else. i didn’t find out about this whole plan until i got there. everyone else pretended to be high and so did the girl, predictably. i didn’t participate in that part but i also didn’t tell her it was all a huge joke at her expense. at the end of the night someone told her and called her out on always being fake. she got really upset and ended up leaving the party early by herself. i do feel bad for her but i also feel like she kind of brings this on herself sometimes because she’s always trying too hard. again though, this wasn’t my prank and i probably wouldn’t have planned something like this myself. but it is what it is now. aita? ** [/INST] yta. there can be a placebo effect when people unknowingly drink non-alcoholic beer, i imagine something similar can happen when people are told they've ingested marijuana. even if she is over the top, an entire group of people came together to bully a girl. like that's it. she's insecure and her "friends" stood around mocking her. bravo. </s>
|
AITA for being mad at my sister and ignoring her after she asked me for money to babysit my son
|
my mil became really sick recently and was in the hospital because of covid. my husband and i wanted to fly out to be there for her for a couple days and needed someone to watch our son. we asked my sister since she lives nearby and she said she would do it for $15 an hour - and she said she was going to charge all 24 hours in the day lol. that just didn’t sit right with us and we decided to leave him at our neighbors house instead - their son and my son are playmates and in the same grade.
my sister followed up with us and said she was “hurt” because she was looking forward to spending time with him and that she was just asking for fair compensation and that she’d be “willing” to come down to $150 a day. i told her that my neighbor was a better person than she was because she wasn’t trying to price gouge me for babysitting money while my mil was in the hospital possibly dying from covid. i’ve refused to talk to her because i could never imagine charging my family member money to help them out in their time of need. my mom says she was in the wrong but i should just try to make peace with her over it but i’m still pissed and just don’t want to talk to her. aita?
| 885
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lwubzb/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_sister_and_ignoring_her/
|
2021-03-03 13:50:46
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info: would your sister need to give up shifts/not go to work for the time you were with your mil?
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nta. normally i would think you're ta; people are not free labour just because they're your relatives. however, if you're asking her to babysit in an emergency situation so you can visit a very sick relative, i think that is a reasonable thing to expect of a sibling. side note; you're better off talking out your feelings and explaining why you're upset than just ignoring/insulting her. it's a crappy situation but do you really want to lose contact with your sister over this?
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esh. theres nothing wrong with asking to be paid for a long babysitting job, even if youre family. however, she's totally out of line for complaining that you found alternate free childcare. if she wants a bonding opportunity, then she should take the kid out at a mutually agreeable time without expecting payment.
you are not an asshole for finding alternative child care but for calling her a bad person cause she wouldn't do it for free. just say the neighbor made more sense since she was not charging and leave it at that.
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she was not wrong to say that if you want her to babysit then you can pay her as a babysitter. that's not "price gouging" and if she weren't enthusiastic about spending two days as sole childcare but was stepping up then she's totally within her rights to ask in advance that she be compensated for it.
you are not wrong to go with a free option, since you had one available (lucky that you did!).
where she goes wrong, and what makes her ta, is that she then says "oh actually i wanted to spend time with him" and twists your arm. that's ridiculous. if she was so keen to hang with kiddo them she'd have volunteered free of charge, not use it as a way to get some cash.
so yeah. you're nta. but not for the reason you think (her not originally offering free childcare - not even siblings are obliged to do that for each other if it doesn't work for them!). it was n a h until she started trying to convince you to cancel your other (free) plans so she could have bonding time
|
nta.
and i think y’all are getting it twisted: expecting payment if a relative contracts your business, for instance, if they commission art or you’re a nail tech and they want a manicure? completely reasonable and expected. expecting daycare-pricing payment to help your sister ensure her child is cared for in a family emergency? disgusting, and op’s sister should be embarrassed for asking for it. at most asking for them to bring food over for the child or provide some money to buy food and essentials if they couldn’t would be appropriate. i hope sister never needs op’s help with anything! i would never offer familial help to that sibling again if they did this.
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info: are you seriously going to visit a covid patient in the hospital? where on earth is that allowed?
|
nta.
i actually don't think asking to be paid for it was necessarily wrong, but acting like she was entitled to it when you found other options *and* involving your mom in it. that was definitely an ah move.
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esh. your sister shouldn’t have been upset that you turned her down. it’s your choice. also, maybe you can’t afford to pay.
however, expecting someone to watch your kid for free for a week is unreasonable. yeah, it’s an emergency, and watching for free would be nice. it’s not required. you shouldn’t get upset that she wanted payment. it’s hard to watch a kid, especially one who isn’t yours.
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nta. but i would have gone a different route.
she is hurt because she was looking forward to spending time with the baby?
she is welcome to do that whenever. for $16 per hour. problem solved!
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nta. just because she's family doesn't mean you shouldn't pay her, but this was an emergency situation. if the neighbor with a boy your son's age wants to do it, then great. not saying you have to- obviously, but it would be a kind gesture to compensate them in some way if you can
|
INFO
|
NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.158114
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mil became really sick recently and was in the hospital because of covid. my husband and i wanted to fly out to be there for her for a couple days and needed someone to watch our son. we asked my sister since she lives nearby and she said she would do it for $15 an hour - and she said she was going to charge all 24 hours in the day lol. that just didn’t sit right with us and we decided to leave him at our neighbors house instead - their son and my son are playmates and in the same grade. my sister followed up with us and said she was “hurt” because she was looking forward to spending time with him and that she was just asking for fair compensation and that she’d be “willing” to come down to $150 a day. i told her that my neighbor was a better person than she was because she wasn’t trying to price gouge me for babysitting money while my mil was in the hospital possibly dying from covid. i’ve refused to talk to her because i could never imagine charging my family member money to help them out in their time of need. my mom says she was in the wrong but i should just try to make peace with her over it but i’m still pissed and just don’t want to talk to her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mil became really sick recently and was in the hospital because of covid. my husband and i wanted to fly out to be there for her for a couple days and needed someone to watch our son. we asked my sister since she lives nearby and she said she would do it for $15 an hour - and she said she was going to charge all 24 hours in the day lol. that just didn’t sit right with us and we decided to leave him at our neighbors house instead - their son and my son are playmates and in the same grade. my sister followed up with us and said she was “hurt” because she was looking forward to spending time with him and that she was just asking for fair compensation and that she’d be “willing” to come down to $150 a day. i told her that my neighbor was a better person than she was because she wasn’t trying to price gouge me for babysitting money while my mil was in the hospital possibly dying from covid. i’ve refused to talk to her because i could never imagine charging my family member money to help them out in their time of need. my mom says she was in the wrong but i should just try to make peace with her over it but i’m still pissed and just don’t want to talk to her. aita? [/INST] info: would your sister need to give up shifts/not go to work for the time you were with your mil? </s>
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AITA for yelling at a women who wouldn't give my dad the fat from her steak?
|
okay, so this happened last night and i'm still angry about it but my wife says i'm out of line.
last night we went out to eat for my dad's 60 birthday. there were 6 of us and we went to one of those japanese steakhouses with the hibachi table. those tables seat 8 people, and it was pretty busy so we assumed another couple would be joining us. we end up at a table with a seemingly nice older couple. we make some small talk and all order our food.
when the chef comes out and starts to cook, my dad notices the chef is cutting the fat off of the steak and throwing it away. my dad nicely asked if he could just cook up the fat for him instead of throwing it away. (my dad loves the fat more than the steak itself). the chef cheerfully agrees and starts gathering the fat from all of the steaks to cook in a separate pile for him.
the women sitting at our table told the chef "i don't want him to have the fat from my steak!".
the chef was apologetic and said he didn't know she wanted the fat too and he will split it between them. the women assured him she didn't want any of the fat, she just didn't want him to have something that was hers.
this is when i spoke up and asked her why this was an issue. she replied saying that it was her fat and she could do what she pleased with it.
i told her it was pretty selfish to throw it away just so someone else couldn't have it. she furthered her argument by saying that she didn't want his hands all over her food, which made even less sense because it wouldn't be touching her plate at all.
we went back and forth a little bit before i gave up and told the chef to throw her portion away and just give my dad the rest, not before i called her out again for being selfish though.
this all ruined the entire evening for my family and for theirs. my wife is blaming me because i shouldn't have tried to take another person's food. which i understand, to an extent. but she was just wasting it for the sake of not letting my dad have it. so, aita for calling this woman out and wanting her to give my dad the fat from her steak?
| 2,881
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ccftjj/aita_for_yelling_at_a_women_who_wouldnt_give_my/
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2019-07-12 19:59:10
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esh. that woman is petty, selfish, and weird, but you should have just let it go.
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i'm gonna go against the grain and say nah just a bunch of real weirdos. just a really weird situation of weird people. steak fat? other people's food? throwing it away? public confrontations with strangers at a restaurant? are any of you even from earth?
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esh.
you both were assholes.
i don’t understand why she didn’t want your father to have it, but it was her right to say no since it was her meal that she paid for. just because you didn’t like the outcome doesn’t give you the right to yell at a stranger and ruin everyone’s evening.
manners, sir. you don’t have to agree but you can behave civilized and be polite to others.
|
esh
she's weird, you made a mountain out of a molehill.
next time, repeat after me, "weird flex but okay"
and you move on
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nta.
i expected this to go in another direction when i read the title, but once the fat was removed from the steak, the only thing that prevented it from being trash is the fact that your dad wanted to eat it. i think the woman in this story is petty to an extreme degree and is the asshole here.
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yta, one i can see her point because that sounds revolting, but why on eart would you escalate something this stupid? it’s her steak leave it alone.
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this can't be real.
info how could 1 steak worth of fat not be enough?
|
esh. ok, i totally get where you're coming from. that lady was a bitch, i don't deny that.
but come on dude. it wasn't worth starting a fight over it. i'm sure your dad would have preferred to have slightly less fat and a calm, enjoyable evening. this is one of those cases where you're right, but you chose a terrible hill to die on.
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nta
from it seems, not inky was it going to get thrown away anyways, the chef was more than happy to cook it up and serve it to him. seems this lady was the real ass for simply depriving someone of something that caused her no real harm
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yta
who cares what her reasons are. your dad didn't pay for her steak, and he was getting everyone else's anyway. was a few bits of fat really worth making a scene and ruining an evening for everyone involved? your wife is right, your an asshole.
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ESH
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NAH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
|
YTA
| 0.51216
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, so this happened last night and i'm still angry about it but my wife says i'm out of line. last night we went out to eat for my dad's 60 birthday. there were 6 of us and we went to one of those japanese steakhouses with the hibachi table. those tables seat 8 people, and it was pretty busy so we assumed another couple would be joining us. we end up at a table with a seemingly nice older couple. we make some small talk and all order our food. when the chef comes out and starts to cook, my dad notices the chef is cutting the fat off of the steak and throwing it away. my dad nicely asked if he could just cook up the fat for him instead of throwing it away. (my dad loves the fat more than the steak itself). the chef cheerfully agrees and starts gathering the fat from all of the steaks to cook in a separate pile for him. the women sitting at our table told the chef "i don't want him to have the fat from my steak!". the chef was apologetic and said he didn't know she wanted the fat too and he will split it between them. the women assured him she didn't want any of the fat, she just didn't want him to have something that was hers. this is when i spoke up and asked her why this was an issue. she replied saying that it was her fat and she could do what she pleased with it. i told her it was pretty selfish to throw it away just so someone else couldn't have it. she furthered her argument by saying that she didn't want his hands all over her food, which made even less sense because it wouldn't be touching her plate at all. we went back and forth a little bit before i gave up and told the chef to throw her portion away and just give my dad the rest, not before i called her out again for being selfish though. this all ruined the entire evening for my family and for theirs. my wife is blaming me because i shouldn't have tried to take another person's food. which i understand, to an extent. but she was just wasting it for the sake of not letting my dad have it. so, aita for calling this woman out and wanting her to give my dad the fat from her steak?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, so this happened last night and i'm still angry about it but my wife says i'm out of line. last night we went out to eat for my dad's 60 birthday. there were 6 of us and we went to one of those japanese steakhouses with the hibachi table. those tables seat 8 people, and it was pretty busy so we assumed another couple would be joining us. we end up at a table with a seemingly nice older couple. we make some small talk and all order our food. when the chef comes out and starts to cook, my dad notices the chef is cutting the fat off of the steak and throwing it away. my dad nicely asked if he could just cook up the fat for him instead of throwing it away. (my dad loves the fat more than the steak itself). the chef cheerfully agrees and starts gathering the fat from all of the steaks to cook in a separate pile for him. the women sitting at our table told the chef "i don't want him to have the fat from my steak!". the chef was apologetic and said he didn't know she wanted the fat too and he will split it between them. the women assured him she didn't want any of the fat, she just didn't want him to have something that was hers. this is when i spoke up and asked her why this was an issue. she replied saying that it was her fat and she could do what she pleased with it. i told her it was pretty selfish to throw it away just so someone else couldn't have it. she furthered her argument by saying that she didn't want his hands all over her food, which made even less sense because it wouldn't be touching her plate at all. we went back and forth a little bit before i gave up and told the chef to throw her portion away and just give my dad the rest, not before i called her out again for being selfish though. this all ruined the entire evening for my family and for theirs. my wife is blaming me because i shouldn't have tried to take another person's food. which i understand, to an extent. but she was just wasting it for the sake of not letting my dad have it. so, aita for calling this woman out and wanting her to give my dad the fat from her steak? [/INST] esh. that woman is petty, selfish, and weird, but you should have just let it go. </s>
|
AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?
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okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now.
a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject.
i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?
| 27,399
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgq9zs/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_nephew_about_where/
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2019-07-23 09:17:29
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nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.
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nta. you told the truth and you even downplayed her part by saying it was a "silly mistake". i wonder if your nephew is perhaps lgbtq+ himself and is now upset with his mom because he is afraid the same will happen to him. or likely he's just a good kid that knows that love=love, and is not afraid to stand up for what is right. either way, good on him.
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nta: you didn’t do absolutely anything wrong. don’t feel bad that your sister both outed you out and then got mad at you because she didn’t want to look homophobic in the eyes of her son, which she might still be. you did the right thing. i’m familiar with these family secrets, and in the long run it ends up hurting family members.
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nta. it's not up to your sister or anyone else in your family to decide whether or not it's in the past. your sister and parents are grade a homophobic assholes and i'd rethink the whole "it was just a silly mistake on her part" considering the way she reacted to you telling the truth to your nephew.
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clearly nta. you were *kicked out and rejected by your family* for over a decade, and she's saying they're not bad people or homophobic? she can think you're out of line or that it should have stayed in the past, but she sounds out of touch with reality and unwilling to own up to anything. has she ever apologized? has your mom?
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nta, but your sister seems to be. maybe she ain't a bad person, but she did a real shitty thing that caused you a lot of trauma, and she should own up to that - not try to sweep it under the rug.
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nta.
you can share your story with whomever you please. your nephew is also old enough to make his own judgement and deserves to know why his uncle wasn't around. i'm sorry that your sister sucks, i hope she comes around.
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nta. your nephew wanted answers, and you told him to ask his mom, but he wanted to hear your side, which you were honest about. your sister is the ah for outing you and then acting like the victim when called out on it by her son, your parents are the ahs for kicking you out and their homophobia. your nephew seems cool though, props to him.
your sister says you’re “pretending they’re bad people”, but she hasn’t stopped to consider that they are, and they’re finally being called out on it. you were extremely kind (more so than i would have been) by trying to save your sister by saying she wouldn’t do that anymore and trying to not diminish your nephew’s opinion of his mother.
tbh though i have no sympathy for her or anyone who intentionally outs someone who does not want to be.
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nta. looks like she did it a second time.
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nta, and what did u do when u were kicked out like how did u live. were u homeless?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something? [/INST] nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences. </s>
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AITA for calling my sister ungrateful for complaining about being adopted?
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me \[29f\] and my sister \[28f\] mary (fake name) reconnected over 23andme a couple years ago. my mom gave her up for adoption at birth while i was not given up for adoption. i did not find out until i was 25 when my mom told me. she passed away shortly after this.
a couple years ago i decided to do 23andme to try and find her. i immediately found a 50% match and we matched up. it turns out that she didn't live very far from me and we made plans to meet up. there was an instant connection. mary and i had many things in common and even look similar. it was really great to build a relationship with her and we became close very quickly. mary was initially sad that our mother had passed away but was happy to be able to build a relationship with me. neither of us know who our biological father is.
we usually meet up for dinner about twice a month and she has lately been complaining about growing up adopted and saying her life would have been so much better had our mother not given her up.
this bothers me for a couple of reasons. mary knows that i had an extremely tough life growing up. my mom and i often didn't have enough to eat and would go to bed hungry. we moved around a lot and my mom also had a lot of boyfriends who weren't good people. i'm still getting therapy for the things that happened in my childhood.
i've met mary's parents and they're very nice people. mary has never gone hungry and even had her private college paid for.
this most recent time we had dinner she complained again so i got a little upset. i don't think i was yelling but i may have raised my voice and basically told her she's being completely ungrateful to her adoptive parents and that i would have loved to have been adopted by her parents. she started crying and left and we haven't spoken since.
was i the asshole?
| 6,045
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/flzg1o/aita_for_calling_my_sister_ungrateful_for/
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2020-03-20 17:56:17
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nah. you’ve both idealized the other’s life. i imagine you’d need to be the one to extend the olive branch (if you’re interested in that) since you sort of escalated the situation.
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nah - everyone has their own burdens to bear and till you have lived her life you don't know what her life was like (or her yours).
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nah
any situation like this is going to be tough. it can be so hard on both sides. you had a hard life with your birth mother, and she had an easier life knowing that someone gave her away. neither of those are easy headspaces to work through, and you don't have the benefit of being able to just ask your mother.
i suggest talking to her about going forward. you had the lives you had, and wishing for different can't change that. but you have found each other and you have the potential to have a really good relationship with her. try to focus on the future, not the past.
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nah
being adopted can have a traumatic effect on someone’s life, no matter how good their upbringing was
you’re also nta because it can be frustrating for someone who has experienced what you had to experience to deal with someone complaining about their upbringing
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nah, you're both dealing with something heavy.
mary will never get to hear her biological mom say she loves her, or explain why she made the choice she did for her, but not you when it happened again months later. she will never know if it was a labor of love or rejection, especially if she was "your moms dirty little secret".
you don't feel like mary appreciates that she didn't have to live through what you did.
both points are truthful, valid, and painful to live with.
i think you should check out r/adoption they might have better advice for you.
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soft yta. i'm not adopted but have an adopted friend who's very active in an organisation for adult adoptees. the "you should be grateful" argument is a very, very sore spot for many adoptees. apologise, tell her you don't understand what it's like to be adopted, you were thoughtless and won't say anything like that again.
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yikes that’s a really tough situation. i don’t know if you were an asshole and can understand your frustration but i think you were insensitive in your approach. mary’s issue probably stems from not having known her birth mom and now not having a chance to ever be able to get to know her. nah.
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nah
can i possibly give a little perspective as someone adopted?
i love my parents deeply and they have given me everything i have ever wanted but ever since i was a little girl i wondered why i was adopted and what my life would’ve been like. i used to think my mom was a princess in a far off land who had to send me away to tend to her royal duties.
my point being kids can really get a picture in their head of what life could’ve been like, what their family would’ve been like, where they come from. everything.
i recently came into contact with both birth parents (they haven’t spoken in... 15 years probably) and while they are happy in life i know my opportunities wouldn’t be as great if i stayed with either of them. i still can’t help but wonder though where i would be in life. if she never got a chance to meet her birth mother and she gets along with you so well this might really cause her to feel sad she didn’t grow up in this other life. also you’re just a year older than her but she was the one picked to be put up for adoption and without getting to talk to her birth mother to know why there may not be that closure she needs to stop wondering and feeling sad ab the life she missed out on.
being adopted can be a trauma on its own and causes issues she may be trying to process it all still. i understand why you feel the way you do, but it’s hard being adopted but also hard to understand if you’re not. there are subreddits for people adopted maybe reading can help you better understand?
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nah. you both went through life two totally different ways and dont truly understand what the other went through. with your instant connection, being siblings, she may have felt comfortable enough to share this with you thinking you would understand however through no fault of your own, you went through your own shit. this may need to be an off limits topic for you both.
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nah. you both have your own point of view and i don't think either of you is wrong. people just often assume that other people have it better than them and it's hard to judge whether that is true or not. the grass is always greener on the other side. the two of you should try looking at the situation from the other's perspective so you can understand each other better. try to sympathize with each other. i'm pretty sure neither of your life is perfect. the two of you are sister, don't let this ruin that.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.190125
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me \[29f\] and my sister \[28f\] mary (fake name) reconnected over 23andme a couple years ago. my mom gave her up for adoption at birth while i was not given up for adoption. i did not find out until i was 25 when my mom told me. she passed away shortly after this. a couple years ago i decided to do 23andme to try and find her. i immediately found a 50% match and we matched up. it turns out that she didn't live very far from me and we made plans to meet up. there was an instant connection. mary and i had many things in common and even look similar. it was really great to build a relationship with her and we became close very quickly. mary was initially sad that our mother had passed away but was happy to be able to build a relationship with me. neither of us know who our biological father is. we usually meet up for dinner about twice a month and she has lately been complaining about growing up adopted and saying her life would have been so much better had our mother not given her up. this bothers me for a couple of reasons. mary knows that i had an extremely tough life growing up. my mom and i often didn't have enough to eat and would go to bed hungry. we moved around a lot and my mom also had a lot of boyfriends who weren't good people. i'm still getting therapy for the things that happened in my childhood. i've met mary's parents and they're very nice people. mary has never gone hungry and even had her private college paid for. this most recent time we had dinner she complained again so i got a little upset. i don't think i was yelling but i may have raised my voice and basically told her she's being completely ungrateful to her adoptive parents and that i would have loved to have been adopted by her parents. she started crying and left and we haven't spoken since. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me \[29f\] and my sister \[28f\] mary (fake name) reconnected over 23andme a couple years ago. my mom gave her up for adoption at birth while i was not given up for adoption. i did not find out until i was 25 when my mom told me. she passed away shortly after this. a couple years ago i decided to do 23andme to try and find her. i immediately found a 50% match and we matched up. it turns out that she didn't live very far from me and we made plans to meet up. there was an instant connection. mary and i had many things in common and even look similar. it was really great to build a relationship with her and we became close very quickly. mary was initially sad that our mother had passed away but was happy to be able to build a relationship with me. neither of us know who our biological father is. we usually meet up for dinner about twice a month and she has lately been complaining about growing up adopted and saying her life would have been so much better had our mother not given her up. this bothers me for a couple of reasons. mary knows that i had an extremely tough life growing up. my mom and i often didn't have enough to eat and would go to bed hungry. we moved around a lot and my mom also had a lot of boyfriends who weren't good people. i'm still getting therapy for the things that happened in my childhood. i've met mary's parents and they're very nice people. mary has never gone hungry and even had her private college paid for. this most recent time we had dinner she complained again so i got a little upset. i don't think i was yelling but i may have raised my voice and basically told her she's being completely ungrateful to her adoptive parents and that i would have loved to have been adopted by her parents. she started crying and left and we haven't spoken since. was i the asshole? [/INST] nah. you’ve both idealized the other’s life. i imagine you’d need to be the one to extend the olive branch (if you’re interested in that) since you sort of escalated the situation. </s>
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AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?
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my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short.
we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it.
she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too.
half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita?
**
| 25,602
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kd078f/aita_for_celebrating_my_anniversary_despite_what/
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2020-12-14 15:54:59
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esh but for crying out loud, take the post down.
on one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. unimaginable pain.
on the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary.
their pain far outweighs your needs for likes.
why you didn't block the family of the dead child from your post is beyond my ability to comprehend. as soon as you saw it was causing pain, you delete the post.
of course you can celebrate your anniversary all you want. just not visible to these people who have a dead child!
show compassion.
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yta.
something awful happened at your wedding. it wasn't your fault, but it's something that you have to deal with.
i'm very sorry that you will never be able to have a normal anniversary, but that's a small burden compared to having to deal with the loss of a child.
those that say you should just celebrate privately are absolutely correct. do not put anything celebratory where the grieving parents can see it. people have been celebrating anniversaries for centuries before facebook existed, you'll survive without making public announcements of your love for friends to see.
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you became the ah the moment all hell broke loose on your post and you didn't have the decency to delete it completely.
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yta
you're not an asshole for celebrating your marriage, you're an asshole for celebrating your *wedding*. you just posted photos of an event where a child drowned, and you can't fathom how insensitive that is, or that the event is a horrible memory for everyone else?!?
>we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year.
so you just shrugged your shoulders and moved on, and can't figure out why the child's parents have not? and you haven't even talked with them since?!?
i really, really, hope that you do not have children, because you seem to lack normal human empathy.
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after seeing the edit...wow, everyone even peripherally attached to this situation is determined to be the biggest asshole they possibly can about it, huh? i thought you were heartless and inconsiderate to have made the facebook post, but that email suggests you are one of the less-assholish people in your social circle. ("living in sin"? they can sit on a cactus!!)
i don't mean to sound flippant, but clearly none of the people present at your wedding have processed the tragedy they witnessed (directly or indirectly) in a healthy way. y'all need therapy. less processing with each other, since it looks like the whole family are drama queens who reinforce each other's bad ideas, and more processing with trained professionals.
i'm sorry your wedding was ruined. i'm sorry for the family who lost their kid. i'm sorry for everyone who was present for and impacted by such an upsetting event. i'm sorry your in-laws are making a shitty situation shittier. what a sad mess.
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oh god. that’s such a horrible tragedy.
nah. could the mother have handled that better and not made a public scene on facebook? absolutely, but grief makes people act in certain ways. you also probably could have had the foresight to block her on that particular post.
at the end of the day, you’re allowed to celebrate your marriage and she’s allowed to grieve her child.
| null |
nta - but maybe insensitive. i went between all three of the choices thoroughly until i arrived at this conclusion. this is such a raw event. a happy occasion that is marred by the unfortunate passing of a child. you have every right to celebrate your wedding. but not all anniversaries are happy. the first year following a loss is difficult, especially that single day. that said, people still have joyous occasions on tragic days.
celebrating on a different day? those people are ah.
the parents of the kid. slightly ah. you don't need to memorialize their kid in your post, that's their job.
i would recommend having your anniversary posts filter out that family in the future. losing a child in that way (seemingly negligent) is a terrible feeling i am sure.
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yta for not hiding the post from the parents. how did you expect them to react? their child died that day and you should have had the courtesy to hide the post from them.
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nah - this tragedy is absolutely heartbreaking, and of course it must have been painful for the parents to have seen that reminder of the day...
what would have been kinder would have been for someone closer to them to gently remind them that they might wish to block your posts for a few weeks surrounding the anniversary.
don't get me wrong - i don't think it's reasonable of them to expect to control your social media.
but i am incredibly reluctant to call a mourning parent an asshole for overreacting in this situation.
perhaps your wisest choice would be when making posts about your anniversary to limit your audience and block those posts from the close family members of the child who died.
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.491035
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short. we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it. she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too. half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short. we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it. she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too. half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita? ** [/INST] esh but for crying out loud, take the post down. on one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. unimaginable pain. on the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary. their pain far outweighs your needs for likes. why you didn't block the family of the dead child from your post is beyond my ability to comprehend. as soon as you saw it was causing pain, you delete the post. of course you can celebrate your anniversary all you want. just not visible to these people who have a dead child! show compassion. </s>
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AITA for lying to my wife about what time the guests arrive because she takes too long to get the food ready?
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my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time.
last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook.
4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room.
my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go.
after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue.
aita or is she overreacting?
| 11,540
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sqyhoo/aita_for_lying_to_my_wife_about_what_time_the/
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2022-02-12 18:57:56
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yta
perhaps the two of you need to switch roles, when entertaining. you do the cooking and time-sensitive stuff. she can greet the guests and entertain while you take care of the finishing touches.
it really doesn't sound as if her timing is that bad. you told her 4, she had the food ready by 5. if you told her 5, the food would have been ready around 6, a reasonable meal time just have a tray of snacks and some drinks for while people settle down - it is a nicer party, anyways, if you aren't rushed to the table the moment you come through the door.
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info: do you help your wife with preparing for guests (eg, cleaning the house, setting the table, help in the kitchen) or is she doing all the prep herself?
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yta. if you think she takes too long to put a meal together, what’s stopping you from donning an apron and helping her cook?
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info: why don’t you do the cooking and she does the cleaning? just swatch rolls.
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yta why is it up to just your wife to do all the cooking. and your solution to that is instead of helping her, it's to lie about the amount of people so she starts cooking sooner just so you don't have to wait a little to eat.
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yta maybe help cook if you’re so worried
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what exactly do you do? you said that you do your part, but what do you do when she's preparing? do you set the table? do you clean the house before the guests arrive? do you set out snacks or drinks for them?
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so instead of lying to your wife why didn't you help with the food prep?
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yta
confronting the issue directly would have been the way to go here.
___
why does it take an hour later for you to finish? i don’t think it’s cool to keep them waiting so long.
because there is too much to do i cannot handle it all.
is there anything i can do to assist to make it more on time? could *we* possibly start earlier, would that help?
___
what you did was sneaky; you lied to her to get things to go the way you wanted them to: aka manipulated.
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yta.
so your little scheme worked this time, but at what cost? your wife is upset and doesn't trust you now. the guests were witness to your domestic issues, and nothing was resolved. "i do my part". what does that mean, exactly? are you helping to prepare the meal beforehand? putting out appetizers and entertaining guests? if you are having a dinner party, very few people expect to walk in the door and walk straight to the table expecting to be served. you sit and chat with your guests a bit- have drinks, etc. before the meal. it's not a restaurant. an hour is too long to wait, but knowing that this is a routine issue means you need to have a conversation and come up with solutions as a couple, not manipulate one another or say "not my job".
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.027063
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time. last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook. 4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room. my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go. after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue. aita or is she overreacting?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time. last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook. 4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room. my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go. after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue. aita or is she overreacting? [/INST] yta perhaps the two of you need to switch roles, when entertaining. you do the cooking and time-sensitive stuff. she can greet the guests and entertain while you take care of the finishing touches. it really doesn't sound as if her timing is that bad. you told her 4, she had the food ready by 5. if you told her 5, the food would have been ready around 6, a reasonable meal time just have a tray of snacks and some drinks for while people settle down - it is a nicer party, anyways, if you aren't rushed to the table the moment you come through the door. </s>
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AITA for not renting a room to my struggling brother and his wife despite them having a new born?
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i (30f) am currently married to my wonderful husband and we have the most precious twins in the world. i have a 5 bedroom house with a small room in the back of our yard. the twins share a room so only 2 rooms in the whole house are taken. though the rest of the rooms are used. we have a playroom, office, gym room and storage.
well recently my brother got kicked out of his apartment after his wife gave birth. they’ve been sleeping in their car and showering in public bathrooms. they get food from churches.
they have came to me and said they don’t have enough money to rent a place since most places require a ton of information and cost 1k+. they asked for a room to rent for only 400 dollars. i told them i’d have to discuss with my husband. after talking with him, we both came to an agreement and decided not to. because they are obviously not good reliable tenants if they got kicked out of their old place. i have my own kids to worry about as well and i don’t know his wife that well.
when i told them they yelled at me and his wife had a mental breakdown. my brother said i was cruel. i believe i did the right thing but i know they have a newborn and such. aita?
| 2,264
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vqi9q4/aita_for_not_renting_a_room_to_my_struggling/
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2022-07-03 14:00:57
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info: why did they get kicked out of their old place and why do you not want them there?
ultimately, it's your choice whether to allow people to stay with you. but there is an innocent newborn baby at the heart of this who is currently homeless and needs a stable environment.
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nta because it’s your place. but what’s the real reason? can’t believe your worried about $400 per month rent. really seems to be more behind this than just $$
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nta. their reaction to your "no" tells you everything you need to know.
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[removed]
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nta even though it is harsh that you said no. if you said yes, you would never ever get them out again. what are the odds that suddenly they would be self-sufficient and be able to double their expenses b/c you were tired of the arrangement? and it isn't just "a room." it would be a room, then they would need separate space from the baby once it got older, couldn't it share a room with your twins? or maybe have its own room? and the rest of the common space (living room, kitchen, bathrooms) would go from serving four people to seven. this is a much bigger lift than some commenters are recognizing.
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people saying she should let them stay and then ask them to leave if it doesn't work out are crazy. you think they'll leave without a fight?
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nta i see some major red flags about your brother and his little family.
1. he had a baby without the proper financial preparation. if he had, he would have an emergency fund for "emergencies."
2. he won't come clean about why he got kicked out of his apartment.
3. noone gets kicked out without some notice, so he didn't scramble to make plans, but rather opted to put his family in a car to live.
4. he didn't seek some government assistance to tide him over. i wonder what he is hiding that he thinks he would not be eligible.
i agree with you and your husband. too many unknowns to risk moving them in. you could be in for months of misery. you could help by paying for a motel for a month or other similar assistance, but don't let a virtual stranger into your home.
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wow, i'm really losing hope in humanity after reading these comments. yes, technically, op has no obligation to let them stay. but come on, your brother is literally at his darkest point of his life, they're sleeping in cars and showering in public showers, with a newborn child. at least them them stay for a few days or weeks until they're able to find another place. you are not wrong op, but yta 100% and you have zero compassion.
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as a non-american, i was astounded by the post at first, and then i got to the comments. wtf. what is wrong with people? of course there's no obligation. of course it's her house-her right. of course she doesn't have to fix anyone's problems. but. it's her f*ing brother. with a newborn! wtf. why are people from the us so coldblooded? i feel there's a pattern here. i mean check out healthcare, there's a very obvious mentality, your life-your problem. same goes with poverty and homelessness in the us. people just choose to ignore these people, because they simply"failed in life" (failed in capitalism imo, but whatever). as a person from europe and specifically from a southern mediterranean country, this lack of compassion, especially towards family, leaves me speechless.
it's your f*ing brother. get out of your comfort zone, make a tiny compromise for you and make a huge difference for a newborn. wow.yta
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nta - can they go to your parents or the wife's parents for help? why did they come to you immediately? is he still employed?
while the situation is difficult, you have your own family to consider. there are so many horror stories on here about family moving in, taking advantage and never moving out.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.334749
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30f) am currently married to my wonderful husband and we have the most precious twins in the world. i have a 5 bedroom house with a small room in the back of our yard. the twins share a room so only 2 rooms in the whole house are taken. though the rest of the rooms are used. we have a playroom, office, gym room and storage. well recently my brother got kicked out of his apartment after his wife gave birth. they’ve been sleeping in their car and showering in public bathrooms. they get food from churches. they have came to me and said they don’t have enough money to rent a place since most places require a ton of information and cost 1k+. they asked for a room to rent for only 400 dollars. i told them i’d have to discuss with my husband. after talking with him, we both came to an agreement and decided not to. because they are obviously not good reliable tenants if they got kicked out of their old place. i have my own kids to worry about as well and i don’t know his wife that well. when i told them they yelled at me and his wife had a mental breakdown. my brother said i was cruel. i believe i did the right thing but i know they have a newborn and such. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) am currently married to my wonderful husband and we have the most precious twins in the world. i have a 5 bedroom house with a small room in the back of our yard. the twins share a room so only 2 rooms in the whole house are taken. though the rest of the rooms are used. we have a playroom, office, gym room and storage. well recently my brother got kicked out of his apartment after his wife gave birth. they’ve been sleeping in their car and showering in public bathrooms. they get food from churches. they have came to me and said they don’t have enough money to rent a place since most places require a ton of information and cost 1k+. they asked for a room to rent for only 400 dollars. i told them i’d have to discuss with my husband. after talking with him, we both came to an agreement and decided not to. because they are obviously not good reliable tenants if they got kicked out of their old place. i have my own kids to worry about as well and i don’t know his wife that well. when i told them they yelled at me and his wife had a mental breakdown. my brother said i was cruel. i believe i did the right thing but i know they have a newborn and such. aita? [/INST] info: why did they get kicked out of their old place and why do you not want them there? ultimately, it's your choice whether to allow people to stay with you. but there is an innocent newborn baby at the heart of this who is currently homeless and needs a stable environment. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend's roommate to get over himself after he told me to stop having sleepovers at the apartment?
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so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes.
the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful.
my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call.
we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?.
| 16,127
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qy44sw/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_roommate_to_get/
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2021-11-20 11:56:25
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yta. you’re not having a sleepover, you’re living in that apartment. the dude signed up for one roommate, not two. start paying 1/3rd of the rent.
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yta - staying over 5 nights a week is living there. even if you don't consider the extra costs, i would hate to have an extra person in my home that much. can he stay at your place sometimes?
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yta, staying 5 days a week is taking the piss. why should he subsidise you?
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yta
you live there five days a week, use all the utilities often, and don’t pay anything? i can see why he’d be annoyed, you’re not contributing while essentially living there. you need to realize that he actually pays to live there and he has a right to be annoyed when utility bills go up and the person causing that increase doesn’t help pay for it.
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yes yta. the roommate didn’t sign up to live with you. you are using up space and costing him money that he is paying toward and you are not. and instead of being appreciative you are acting entitled. your bf is right and you should apologise. get your own place together if you want to live together, and pay your share.
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yta, wouldn't hurt to chip in if you stay over so much.
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> i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses
that’s not how it works. your boyfriend wouldn’t shower, wash hands, use electricity twice as much without you around. their costs have gone up.
you’re there 70% of the nights! that’s not a sleepover, that’s living there rent-free.
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you’re living there rent-free and using all of their utilities five days out of the week. the utilities have most certainly gone up since you started staying there. your boyfriend’s roommate didn’t sign a lease with you and your boyfriend, he signed it with just your boyfriend. it’s quite entitled of you to expect him to be completely fine with you staying in his home when he had no say in it and you won’t even pay money to offset the extra cost you’re creating.
you basically live there now. either pay rent like an adult or stop going over there so much. yta
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yta- just to clarify, how often do you sleep in your boyfriend's apartment?
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yta
this is not just about the cost of utilities. **you are using one third of the space, breathing one third of the air!**
usually this question gets posted by the roommate who has suddenly got extra people practically living there. this is the first time i’ve seen it from one of the invaders, saying *hey, i’m me, so i get what i want and who cares about who gets stepped on?!*
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes. the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful. my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call. we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes. the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful. my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call. we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?. [/INST] yta. you’re not having a sleepover, you’re living in that apartment. the dude signed up for one roommate, not two. start paying 1/3rd of the rent. </s>
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AITA for lying to step mom that I didn't win a competition?
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my step mom had a baby when she was 20. she gave away the baby for adoption. her daughter (20) reached out to her last year. her daughter lived like 5 miles from our home and she has been around a lot. mom is overjoyed to see her. they have the same face and people instantly know they are related, they share the same mannerisms and even have the same interests. she is just like mom.
i am just a nerd. if i was in high school with my mom. i would be a weird asian girl that she didn't talk to. i can clearly see how great their relationship is.
mom is nice and caring with me but it is just different. she can't really have a conversation about my interests and she has such an amazing relationship with her. her daughter even has started to call her mom and idk, i just can't compete with her. like, she is the daughter she probably wanted and not someone like me.
i took part in a competition in school. we won but when she asked me about the competition. i lied and told her that i didn't win. she always makes a fuss when i won anything and i was not prepared for her to ignore it this time, so i lied. she said it was okay and consoled me. i felt like a real asshole at that mom. i forgot that she talks to my friend's mom and she found out through her that i had won it.
she asked me about it and i told her that i had won it and she is upset about me lying to her. she didn't punish me or anything but she was very upset and concerned for me. i kept brushing her questions aside and she let it go but i know she is still hurt by it. she doesn't talk about it but i know she was really hurt by it. i feel like huge asshole for lying. i shouldn't have lied.
| 2,698
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r3flkz/aita_for_lying_to_step_mom_that_i_didnt_win_a/
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2021-11-27 15:18:15
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nah - try talking to your stepmom about how you feel about her? i'm a stepmom, and i love my stepkids -so- much, and if they wrote this, my heart would shatter. i have never tried taking the place of their real mom, but i've always tried to be there for them, and i'm sure your sm would hate to know that you feel displaced, or that you feel like you have to compete at all.
i hope you feel better about this soon honey. my heart aches for you.
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you should not have lied, but it would be harsh to call you an ah. i think that you need to have a talk with your sm. you obviously have some issues with anxiety and insecurity over the situation with this new-found daughter, and if you don’t address them, they are going to balloon up out of all proportion. i know you might find it difficult to say anything, but trust me, if you don’t you will feel increasingly worse. a simple, honest conversation now will save you a bunch of pain and suffering later on. just because your sm has reconnected with her daughter doesn’t mean she no longer cares for you.
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you’re right, you shouldn’t have lied. but that doesn’t necessarily make you the asshole. i think you should sit down and open up to your mom about how you feel currently and work that way. communication goes a long way and you’ll end up resenting her if nothing is done about the way you feel
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nah
your mom just started rekindling her relationship with her daughter a year ago after years of separation, it’s only natural that she’s ecstatic to speak to her.
it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. don’t let your assumptions make you act in a way that actually damage a great relationship.
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nah. you're feeling insecure and you had no intention of making her worry.
you should consider telling her how you feel because it seems like she genuinely cares. it must be weird to have to share your mom at such an age but there is no choice but to work it through really.
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nah. you shouldn’t have lied to her. you also shouldn’t assume what her reactions would have been. she’s excited to have her older daughter in her life, this doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love you, her younger daughter. talk to her, tell you how you were feeling. your hurt is understandable, but also… it assumes facts not in evidence.
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you're a kid so you're not an ah.
but you should probably show this post to your step mom or talk to her about your feelings. it seems like you might be a bit jealous of their relationship which isn't abnormal but it's important to discuss these feelings with the people involved so it doesn't damage your relationship with them. if your mom doesn't know it's affecting you she can't do anything to change it and make you more comfortable and that will cause more hurt in the long run.
why didn't you think your mom would react the same as usual to the news of your win? just because she now has a relationship with her other daughter? parents are capable of loving several children at once, just because she loves her older daughter doesn't mean she doesn't love you. good parents also love their children unconditionally so it doesn't matter if you and her wouldn't have been friends if you were in school together.
tldr
you are allowed to feel what you feel but you might be acting on untrue presumptions, and honest communication is the best way to sort this out
good luck
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the fact that she was upset and concerned for you even after you lied should speak volumes. she loves you, unconditionally. please talk to her about how you're feeling, you'll feel much better afterwards.
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nah. your dealing with a challenging situation in an unhealthy way but i'm not going to call you t a for that.
talk to your step mom, tell her that her daughter resurfacing has you feeling displaced and insecure and ask her to make some special bonding time for you to reconnect.
also.. i was the popular girl in hs.. my best friend is the weird asian girl i probably wouldn't have been friends with back then. i've grown past the stuff i thought was important in hs and i'm sure your step mom has too.
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nah. your step mom is trying to make up for lost time. she still cares for you. shes going through a learning curve of who this person is. its all new and exciting.
you shouldnt of lied, but i understand where you were coming from. know that youre loved and cared for, that your accomplishments and successes matter. and when you struggle and dont succeed at first, you still matter. youre a very important part of her life, even when it doesnt seem like it. you arent the ah, because you show remorse, and know it wasnt the appropriate action to take. you arent the ah because you know the difference between right and wrong. use this as an opportunity to grow with your step parent. she sounds like she will make the effort with you, and you can still have a good relationship.
best of luck, op. i struggled like this with my step parent dynamic too. it does get better when everyone works together.
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my step mom had a baby when she was 20. she gave away the baby for adoption. her daughter (20) reached out to her last year. her daughter lived like 5 miles from our home and she has been around a lot. mom is overjoyed to see her. they have the same face and people instantly know they are related, they share the same mannerisms and even have the same interests. she is just like mom. i am just a nerd. if i was in high school with my mom. i would be a weird asian girl that she didn't talk to. i can clearly see how great their relationship is. mom is nice and caring with me but it is just different. she can't really have a conversation about my interests and she has such an amazing relationship with her. her daughter even has started to call her mom and idk, i just can't compete with her. like, she is the daughter she probably wanted and not someone like me. i took part in a competition in school. we won but when she asked me about the competition. i lied and told her that i didn't win. she always makes a fuss when i won anything and i was not prepared for her to ignore it this time, so i lied. she said it was okay and consoled me. i felt like a real asshole at that mom. i forgot that she talks to my friend's mom and she found out through her that i had won it. she asked me about it and i told her that i had won it and she is upset about me lying to her. she didn't punish me or anything but she was very upset and concerned for me. i kept brushing her questions aside and she let it go but i know she is still hurt by it. she doesn't talk about it but i know she was really hurt by it. i feel like huge asshole for lying. i shouldn't have lied.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my step mom had a baby when she was 20. she gave away the baby for adoption. her daughter (20) reached out to her last year. her daughter lived like 5 miles from our home and she has been around a lot. mom is overjoyed to see her. they have the same face and people instantly know they are related, they share the same mannerisms and even have the same interests. she is just like mom. i am just a nerd. if i was in high school with my mom. i would be a weird asian girl that she didn't talk to. i can clearly see how great their relationship is. mom is nice and caring with me but it is just different. she can't really have a conversation about my interests and she has such an amazing relationship with her. her daughter even has started to call her mom and idk, i just can't compete with her. like, she is the daughter she probably wanted and not someone like me. i took part in a competition in school. we won but when she asked me about the competition. i lied and told her that i didn't win. she always makes a fuss when i won anything and i was not prepared for her to ignore it this time, so i lied. she said it was okay and consoled me. i felt like a real asshole at that mom. i forgot that she talks to my friend's mom and she found out through her that i had won it. she asked me about it and i told her that i had won it and she is upset about me lying to her. she didn't punish me or anything but she was very upset and concerned for me. i kept brushing her questions aside and she let it go but i know she is still hurt by it. she doesn't talk about it but i know she was really hurt by it. i feel like huge asshole for lying. i shouldn't have lied. [/INST] nah - try talking to your stepmom about how you feel about her? i'm a stepmom, and i love my stepkids -so- much, and if they wrote this, my heart would shatter. i have never tried taking the place of their real mom, but i've always tried to be there for them, and i'm sure your sm would hate to know that you feel displaced, or that you feel like you have to compete at all. i hope you feel better about this soon honey. my heart aches for you. </s>
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AITA for watching a WWE pay per view (Money in the Bank) on my phone while at a wedding that was meaningless to me?
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so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward.
i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went.
it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone.
things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased.
to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways.
was i the asshole?
| 13,341
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1982x/aita_for_watching_a_wwe_pay_per_view_money_in_the/
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2019-06-16 12:09:47
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yta, obviously, assuming you are 5 years old or older.
sometimes not being ta means a few hours of delayed gratification.
also, spoiler alert: if your wife is thinking about divorce i suspect it isn’t just because of this one incident.
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yta. this is someone’s wedding, you were incredibly disrespectful to the couple getting married and likely caused some significant embarrassment to your wife and mom.
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> finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone.
yta. this would have been an everybody sucks here, but that line made it obvious that you're being oblivious. you told your **wife** to "leave me the fuck alone," and you actually think she wants to divorce you over the wedding incident. this is about how you treat people. not about what you did at a wedding.
if all of this had actually been about the wedding, the *only* reason they would have been minor assholes here is because you didn't do this during the ceremony. it is still rude as hell, but given that you didn't know anyone **and** if you were wearing earbuds, you didn't really disturb anyone.
> to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways.
by the way, you didn't make the best of a bad situation. you didn't know anyone but you're an adult who can talk to strangers and introduce yourself. weddings are actually pretty great places to meet people. i've met quite a few friends through weddings. you actually just *made* this a bad situation by deciding not to care.
edit to add;
"i'm not social i would have done the same thing" then you're an asshole too.
i have bad anxiety, i'm extremely introverted, and being in crowds gives me really bad vomit inducing panic attacks. either you suck it up or you don't go to the *social* event. the whole point of these events is the *social* aspect. as an adult you have the ability to leave of things get bad for you. even if you don't drive (i don't, anxiety is too bad to drive), you can go for a walk or call a cab or catch a bus. you're an adult. you have options. this is what we call taking agency over your own mental health. don't mope in the corner like a child.
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yta - you spoiled this social occasion for your wife and mother and embarrassed them and yourself. you behaved like a spoilt little boy.
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yta-there are some things you just don’t do and this one of them. you should have just stayed home, but you don’t go and then sit on your phone the whole night. how selfish and incredibly rude.
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yta if you go to a wedding, you’re not just going for the ceremony, but the reception as well. in addition, i’m sure your wife wanted to spend time with you, but instead she probably had to explain to her friends why you were on your phone in the corner. wwe isn’t going anywhere, you could have waited until you got home.
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yta, sorry dude but that's some serious lack of social awareness. you openly disrespected everyone at the wedding - not just the groom, but the bride, and both sets of family and friends.
not only that, but you then disrespected your wife and your mother in front of everyone.
even though it probably shouldn't, your behaviour also reflected poorly on your family - your mother would have worried people thought she brought you up to think acting like that is somehow okay, and your wife would have worried people pitied her for choosing a husband who doesn't respect her and behaves rudely.
>i made the best of a bad situation
it would have been better to not go than to go and conspicuously act like that. either go to something and act like a mature adult, and watch your ppv later, or else stick to your guns and stay home.
the irony here is that it sounds like you thought you were standing up for yourself but by failing to take responsibility for your decision and actions you did the *opposite* of that and acted like a little kid in public. i think the bigger picture here is that you need a more constructive way to deal with your wife, with open communication not sulking and getting mad at each other. seriously consider counselling.
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yta clear and simple. other people laid it out nice and clearly, so i will say this:
you honestly don't sound like someone who wants to be married. marriage is compromise. marriage is doing things you don't want to do becuase it will make each other happy. you sound like a pure hedonist. only existing for your own pleasure.
i also saw a comment where you said you are trying to get on your feet, and wife said this could have been a networking opportunity. so does that mean, one top of telling your wife to fuck off (so disrespectful and un-manly!) that you couldn't put your hobby on hold for a few hours to make her happy while she's supporting your bum ass? if that's the case your bum ass should be going out of your wayyyyy to make her happy every day in any way you can!
yta yta yta.
ps it's also not her fault you got the date wrong. grow up, handle your calender and your life.
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this reads like you are a teenager and got stuck going with your mother, not your wife.
let that sink in.
yta
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yta - you couldn't just have a good time with your wife and mother for a few hours? you aren't a teenager (i imagine) and this is a little messed up.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward. i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went. it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone. things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased. to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this goes back almost a month now to may 19th but my wife and mom are still so furious with me that my wife may divorce me and my mom may take her side over it. i need some honest feedback to help me go forward. i'm a huge wwe fan and i pretty much get all the ppv. money in the bank, there was a ton i wanted to see but it also culminates several story lines into a ladder match that i really wanted to see. it was may 19th and i made it very clear i wanted to watch the event. on may 9th my wife announced that shed been invited to a coworkers wedding and i had to go with her (by a crazy coincidence that we didn't know until we got there, the grooms mom is my moms good friend). i assumed the wedding woukd be on saturday so i agreed. well saturday the 18th came and went and it wasn't until the 19th when my wife was pissed i wasn't getting ready that i was like oh shit, i can't go because of rhe ppv. she got so mad at me so i relented and went. it was one of those events where there i didn't know a single person besides my wife and my mom and rhe groom was sort of a dick. so after he sort of blew me off when i tried to congratulate him i was like fuck this and i got out my phone, parked myself in the corner and bought the ppv. my wife and now mom kept trying to get me away and be social and finally i got pissed and told them both to leave me the fuck alone. things honest to god haven't been the same since. she says i looked like such and asshole with my phone in my face in a semi-dark room while everyone else was having fun and dancing. my mom says her friends all noticed me and commented that i must have been autistic or retarded so she's massively embarrased. to me i had plans, i did my part to attend and when i didn't know anyone i made the best of a bad situation to do what i wanted anyways. was i the asshole? [/INST] yta, obviously, assuming you are 5 years old or older. sometimes not being ta means a few hours of delayed gratification. also, spoiler alert: if your wife is thinking about divorce i suspect it isn’t just because of this one incident. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my wife to take part in designing the basement?
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i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house.
so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want.
my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for.
i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house.
i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here.
| 15,967
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s122pp/aita_for_not_wanting_my_wife_to_take_part_in/
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2022-01-11 02:43:23
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yta, it's not a question of who designs which area; it's the fact that you're saying she can design two areas *which will be for both of you,* and you will take one entire section of this house as your own. this is something that should have been discussed before you bought a home.
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yta. how generous of you to let her decorate shared living spaces for you and future children to enjoy while you get an entire basement for you and your buddies to party in. you cannot seriously believe that is fair? the fair thing would be to make the basement an entertainment room that you both design. you don’t need a man cave, consider your wife.
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yta. you are going to use the main living area and the master bedroom, even if you “let” her design them. but you think it’s fair that you get to have the whole basement as your “man cave”?
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info where are you going to sleep? since it’s her bedroom and her living room and not yours
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yta you are segregating her from a large chunk of the house because you want to impress your friends? yikes, it sounds like you really don’t value her as a human, let alone a wife.
you didn’t ‘let her’ design the rest of the house, you just didn’t put any of the work in because you didn’t want to, right?
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yta. does she get an equal sized space just for her where she can hang with her friends?
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[deleted]
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so wait, does she also get an entire floor of the house all to herself for her hobbies and hanging out with her friends, or is that just a you thing? it's reasonable for each of you to have a room since it seems like there's space, but an entire floor?
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yta. she is right - where is her space? god, man caves are so outdated. you use so much we, you both put the effort in, if you want to share, you have to share and don't get to make decisions on your own. also, since you don't have kids *yet,* her space would not be permanent and she would be forced to give it up.
grow up. build a nice hanging out space together. you are using "allowing" her to decorate the other rooms as leverage to get your way here.
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yta - unless you add a second story that she gets completely free reign to use as her own personal space, her designing common spaces isn't the same as you claiming an entire basement just for you and your friends.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0.005167
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house. so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want. my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for. i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house. i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house. so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want. my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for. i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house. i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here. [/INST] yta, it's not a question of who designs which area; it's the fact that you're saying she can design two areas *which will be for both of you,* and you will take one entire section of this house as your own. this is something that should have been discussed before you bought a home. </s>
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AITA for needing my daughter to help?
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i (62) lost my wife ten years ago. this happened during that time, but has been brought up recently.
when my wife died, i ended up relying heavily on my oldest, who was 16 and i’ll call nancy. she gave up the most, i’ll admit that, because i needed someone to watch the younger boys while i worked. she could no longer be part of her soccer team, or her art program, i needed her home. during her senior year she told me going to prom was very important to her and to please figure something out so she could go. i said i would, but ended up forgetting about it and worked late. i got home to find her crying in her dress. i was tired and didn’t want to get into it, and told her i was sorry, but it wasn’t like she missed anything important. nancy didn’t talk to me for days after that. when her college letters started coming in, i didn’t think much of it and assumed she’d pick a college close to hone. well, she ended up getting a partial scholarship to a school several hours away.
i was pretty upset because i still needed help, but she said she gave up two years of doing anything for herself to take care of her brothers and she wasn’t a replacement mom, and i used her. i said she was being dramatic and she couldn’t abandon her family, what were we supposed to do? she said i should be a parent and figure it out. there was a big fight but she left anyhow, i don’t have much contact with her now.
my oldest son is a senior this year, and he was facetiming nancy saying there wouldn’t be a prom and how he understood but he was disappointed because he really wanted to take his girlfriend. nancy said she understood because she didn’t get to go to her senior prom either. he said he was sorry, but she said it wasn’t his fault he was just a kid, and that i didn’t come home when i was supposed to so she missed it. i came in and said it was pretty pathetic she was still hung up on that, and she snapped back it was far more pathetic to be so inept as a parent i couldn’t handle giving her one night that i knew was important to her. she then said goodbye to her brother and signed off. my son said i’m an asshole and that it was no surprise nancy wanted nothing to do with me. i got angry and grounded him, but he just laughed. i don’t think it was at all appropriate for her to tell him that, but my son maintains i’m the only asshole here. so aita?
| 14,299
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jinzgo/aita_for_needing_my_daughter_to_help/
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2020-10-26 21:40:55
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yta
nancy said it perfectly so i'll repeat it once more for the cheap seats: **it's pathetic to be so inept as a parent that you couldn't handle giving her one night that you knew was important to her.**
parentification is abuse
holy shit, i've never been gilded before! thank you kind redditors! be kind to yourselves and each other, and if you're eligible to do so, go vote!
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yta. she was a teenager and it was important to her. like you said, she had to sacrifice so many things to do something that wasn’t her responsibility but she did it anyways and only asked you for one thing in return. of course she’s still going to be mad about it and blame you for it.
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yta. your wife's death was felt by you all but you acted like a 16 year old should just suck it up after having lost her mother. it wasn't fair to her then and it's not fair that you are making light of your daughter's feelings even now.
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yes, yta. a huge, huge asshole. your child is not a parent and it was reprehensible of you to force that responsibility on her and act like she owed it to you. i am not at all surprised she doesn’t speak to you. clearly, your son agrees.
i’m sure you’re asking “what else should i have i done?” how about... anything but robbing your child of important, formative experiences? sure, you probably would have had to pay a little more money or been required to make more sacrifices to your own lifestyle. but you are the parent here. not your daughter.
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assuming you're not trolling, this is just sick. you're a *horrible* parent, holy shit.
yta.
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i'd say n t a - if all you had done was ask her to babysit the kids now and then.
you didn't. you took her clubs, her social life, her prom away from her so you could have (presumably free) childcare. she lost her mom and you turned her into your fill-in spouse so you wouldn't have to be arsed with finding alternative childcare. which you obviously could have found, since you made do once she left for college.
this is not about her prom. this is about what you did to her for two years. it has a name: "parentification." you know what parentification is?
child abuse.
you're lucky your daughter even speaks to you. yta.
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wow yta- big time. your daughter is right, you are the parent, figure it out. it's not your child's (yes, in high school and under your care even if she was 18 makes her a child) job to take care of your others like that. she sacrificed soccer and art, asked for one thing and you couldn't even do that. i completely agree with your daughter and son. she can be hung up about missing it just a few years later, you let her down massively and can't even apologize sincerely about it. good luck ever getting a relationship with her again if you continue to act this way.
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ehh, what do yall think? troll?
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yta - she was your daughter not your co-parent. there are many different ways you could have gotten extra help such as moving closer to (adult and consenting) family or hiring someone to come watch your kids when you couldn’t, but instead you expected her to be her mother and forced all those responsibilities and constraints on her.
you screwed up big time, and it sounds like you still don’t realize how shitty of a parent you were to your daughter.
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are you for real? i mean really i honestly hope this is a troll, because how do you think you’re not the asshole here? i’m really hoping you’re a troll, but on the off chance you’re not,
yta
she asked you for one night. one night to be a teenager again and not be in the parent roll you forced her in. you didn’t even really apologize, you dismissed her feelings by say saying sorry, but it wasn’t important. it was important to her. she commiserated with her brother about missing prom, and you called her pathetic. you just didn’t like being called out, and you are absolutely the asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| 0.164243
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (62) lost my wife ten years ago. this happened during that time, but has been brought up recently. when my wife died, i ended up relying heavily on my oldest, who was 16 and i’ll call nancy. she gave up the most, i’ll admit that, because i needed someone to watch the younger boys while i worked. she could no longer be part of her soccer team, or her art program, i needed her home. during her senior year she told me going to prom was very important to her and to please figure something out so she could go. i said i would, but ended up forgetting about it and worked late. i got home to find her crying in her dress. i was tired and didn’t want to get into it, and told her i was sorry, but it wasn’t like she missed anything important. nancy didn’t talk to me for days after that. when her college letters started coming in, i didn’t think much of it and assumed she’d pick a college close to hone. well, she ended up getting a partial scholarship to a school several hours away. i was pretty upset because i still needed help, but she said she gave up two years of doing anything for herself to take care of her brothers and she wasn’t a replacement mom, and i used her. i said she was being dramatic and she couldn’t abandon her family, what were we supposed to do? she said i should be a parent and figure it out. there was a big fight but she left anyhow, i don’t have much contact with her now. my oldest son is a senior this year, and he was facetiming nancy saying there wouldn’t be a prom and how he understood but he was disappointed because he really wanted to take his girlfriend. nancy said she understood because she didn’t get to go to her senior prom either. he said he was sorry, but she said it wasn’t his fault he was just a kid, and that i didn’t come home when i was supposed to so she missed it. i came in and said it was pretty pathetic she was still hung up on that, and she snapped back it was far more pathetic to be so inept as a parent i couldn’t handle giving her one night that i knew was important to her. she then said goodbye to her brother and signed off. my son said i’m an asshole and that it was no surprise nancy wanted nothing to do with me. i got angry and grounded him, but he just laughed. i don’t think it was at all appropriate for her to tell him that, but my son maintains i’m the only asshole here. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (62) lost my wife ten years ago. this happened during that time, but has been brought up recently. when my wife died, i ended up relying heavily on my oldest, who was 16 and i’ll call nancy. she gave up the most, i’ll admit that, because i needed someone to watch the younger boys while i worked. she could no longer be part of her soccer team, or her art program, i needed her home. during her senior year she told me going to prom was very important to her and to please figure something out so she could go. i said i would, but ended up forgetting about it and worked late. i got home to find her crying in her dress. i was tired and didn’t want to get into it, and told her i was sorry, but it wasn’t like she missed anything important. nancy didn’t talk to me for days after that. when her college letters started coming in, i didn’t think much of it and assumed she’d pick a college close to hone. well, she ended up getting a partial scholarship to a school several hours away. i was pretty upset because i still needed help, but she said she gave up two years of doing anything for herself to take care of her brothers and she wasn’t a replacement mom, and i used her. i said she was being dramatic and she couldn’t abandon her family, what were we supposed to do? she said i should be a parent and figure it out. there was a big fight but she left anyhow, i don’t have much contact with her now. my oldest son is a senior this year, and he was facetiming nancy saying there wouldn’t be a prom and how he understood but he was disappointed because he really wanted to take his girlfriend. nancy said she understood because she didn’t get to go to her senior prom either. he said he was sorry, but she said it wasn’t his fault he was just a kid, and that i didn’t come home when i was supposed to so she missed it. i came in and said it was pretty pathetic she was still hung up on that, and she snapped back it was far more pathetic to be so inept as a parent i couldn’t handle giving her one night that i knew was important to her. she then said goodbye to her brother and signed off. my son said i’m an asshole and that it was no surprise nancy wanted nothing to do with me. i got angry and grounded him, but he just laughed. i don’t think it was at all appropriate for her to tell him that, but my son maintains i’m the only asshole here. so aita? [/INST] yta nancy said it perfectly so i'll repeat it once more for the cheap seats: **it's pathetic to be so inept as a parent that you couldn't handle giving her one night that you knew was important to her.** parentification is abuse holy shit, i've never been gilded before! thank you kind redditors! be kind to yourselves and each other, and if you're eligible to do so, go vote! </s>
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AITA for reading my teenage daughters diary?
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i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to.
over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me.
she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary.
i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her.
she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita?
| 18,173
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h7qfbl/aita_for_reading_my_teenage_daughters_diary/
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2020-06-12 18:38:04
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yta you violated her privacy. i know it’s incredibly difficult to hold back from what we think of as helping our children. but you have to think about it from her perspective.
regardless of your intentions you have violated her trust and need to work to rebuild that. start by apologizing and commit to both her and yourself that you will never do this again or anything like it.
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yta dude you just violated her privacy big time.
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yta - huge violation of her privacy and trust. when my mom did this to me i burned my diaries and stopped journaling entirely which was horrible for my mental health. its taken me 2 decades and a move across the entirety of canada to get to a point where journalling feels fulfilling and not like a bomb waiting to go off. if you want to know whats up with your kid: talk to her. if you still dont get the info you want, work on the relationship. end of discussion. reading private writing is never acceptable and i'd bet you have a lot of work ahead of you to rebuild this relationship.
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yta. congratulations, you’ve just guaranteed that your daughter will **never** talk to you about anything. way to go, champ. my mom was a lot like you and i’m telling you from experience that the whole “i’m violating you for your own good because i was just sooooo worrieddd” horse shit has the opposite effect you want it to. she’s only going to shut you out harder because she knows that you can’t be trusted. to give you an idea of what your future holds, i stopped telling my mother about anything that was going on in my life when i was 17 and i haven’t actually spoken to her since january.
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yta
as a 16 year old girl, i've gone threw the fear on my parents reading through my diary when i had one so much, that i would rip it up and start over every so often.
that's her privacy and you had no right to intrude on it. i don't mean to attack but it hits close to home for me. she needed time and you decided that you deserved to know then. going through a breakup, especially at that age is difficult and she didn't have to share her feelings with you.
you shouldn't have done that and her trust in you is most likely broken. if she wanted to and felt she could've, she would have come to you. but at this point, she may never do so again.
you need to apologize for what you've done and allow her to make the next move and this time, give her the time and right to decided privately without rushing her.
let also get some insight, i don't have a good relationship with my mother and don't confide my worries in her because of her breaches of my privacy. when i went through a breakup with someone of 2 years, my mom refused to accept my answer that we grew apart and asked my friends what happened. i'm still angry about it.
i don't care who you are, everybody deserves privacy. i hope everything turns okay for you and your daughter's relationship. sorry for my rant, it just hit close to home.
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i can’t believe you even have to ask. yta.
apologize and give her a combination safe to keep in her room for her private things.
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yta for sure. if you thought she didn’t trust you before you read the diary, you can be rest assured that she doesn’t trust you now.
judgement aside, most parents want what’s best for their kids, and there are better ways to go about this. have you thought about or talked about therapy for her? it may just be normal teenage stuff, but it might be helpful for her to have a third party observer with absolutely no interest in the matter to help her work through whatever’s going on.
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yta but! people need to calm down and stop treating you like hitler.
you did it out of concern without malicious intent.
you fucked up, bro. every dad fucks up so now you need to decide what kind of dad you're going to be.
a bad one and make bad decisions or a good one and make good decisions.
might i suggest starting with giving her her space then sitting her down and apologizing to her and explaining why you did it.
it wasn't to catch her doing something bad it was because you're worried about her. then let her decide how she feels about it. also never do it again ever for any reason.
you can tell her you won't and she might not believe you but there is things you can do it prove you're serious.
like giving her some tampering proof tape so she knows no one has read it or buy one she can lock or if you want to go way above and beyond a chest she can lock to prove to her that whatever she deems private it private and you trust her.
hope that helps and don't beat yourself up, this single incident doesn't make you a bad dad you just fucked up a bit and that happens.
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if i had gone through my sons room when i knew something was off, he might be alive today.
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unpopular opinion, apparently, but nta
you did this because you were worried about your daughter. was it an invasion of privacy? yes. but you needed to know what was going on.
she's clearly struggling with self esteem issues, but what if the diary had shown she was depressed and suicidal?
you weren't doing it for malicious reasons. was it the wrong thing to do? in a purely black and white world, yes. but that's not the world we live in, and you did it for the right reasons.
you need to make this right somehow, but the people with top comments are clearly being way too hard on you. you're not an asshole for reading her diary, even if that's the way she feels about it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.031039
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to. over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me. she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary. i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her. she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to. over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me. she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary. i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her. she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita? [/INST] yta you violated her privacy. i know it’s incredibly difficult to hold back from what we think of as helping our children. but you have to think about it from her perspective. regardless of your intentions you have violated her trust and need to work to rebuild that. start by apologizing and commit to both her and yourself that you will never do this again or anything like it. </s>
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WIBTA if I stopped inviting my triggered friend to movie night?
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tdlr at the bottom
every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times.
the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.)
of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her.
god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her?
tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore?
| 13,732
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cf1lbg/wibta_if_i_stopped_inviting_my_triggered_friend/
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2019-07-19 02:02:27
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yta. there are in fact classic films without graphic scenes in them you could watch.
at the very least, talk to her instead of pulling some middle school nonsense. can 100% guarantee she will be more upset at discovering you've stopped inviting her than she will if you privately say something along the lines of "hey, we're planning on watching clockwork orange next time, you want to risk it or would you rather skip it?"
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yta--is it so damn hard to pick some non triggering films so your friend feeling deeply rejected and upset from.her traumas can be surrounded by love?
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yta if you just don’t invite her. because it sounds like y’all have a close relationship and she needs you, and if she were to find out that you just decided not to invite her at all it could hurt the relationship. rather, instead tell her that y’all will be watching clockwork orange and that it does have some graphic scenes. since she had a hard time the last couple of times just let her know that it’s ok if she doesn’t want to come and your feelings won’t be hurt.
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nah but maybe consider giving her a heads up on the title of the movie so she can make the choice not to come that night. i love watching old films, but i have 0 interest in watching horror films, so if my friends said “hey we’re watching the exorcist tonight”, i’d say “thanks for the invite, but i’ll skip this week”.
people can have different interests, tastes, and tolerances and still be friends. of course you should rotate in some films that won’t be triggering as well, but ultimately it’s up the individual to choose to remove themselves from a potentially triggering situation. some content will be obvious as a trigger, and some won’t, so you can’t *always* expect your friends to filter it out for you.
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i don't agree with the other comments saying to only watch that which won't trigger her. imo message her separately and tell her you are watching *that* movie if she think it will trigger her she should feel free not to come but if she does and gets triggered you will not stop the movie. nta
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yta my god can’t you pick an appropriate movie that means you can enjoy all of your friends company and be supportive of each other?
“sorry, can’t invite you, being sensitive is too hard”...?
imagine feeling punished for something terrible that happened to you. imagine not being able to hang out with your friends because you’re too much of a burden to watch movies with. unreal.
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yta.
how the hell did you get those trio of movies for a traumatized person..
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i would invite her but tell her what movie it is and let her judge if she can handle it or not. let her know there are triggering scenes and that at the next get together, she can choose a movie to watch.
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yta but only if you go behind her back. i think it's worth having a chat with her along the lines of hey [friend] at the next movie night we are planning on watching a film that may be triggering for you. did you want to skip this one? or maybe do something that you can be included in (dinner, board game) before starting the film?
it's got to feel really crappy for her knowing her friends want to exclude her after a traumatic experience (no matter how well intentioned it is).
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nta...but invite her and tell her about the movie and also tell her she needs to leave or go into another room if the movie disturbs her
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| 0.326734
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tdlr at the bottom every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times. the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.) of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her. god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her? tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tdlr at the bottom every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times. the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.) of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her. god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her? tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore? [/INST] yta. there are in fact classic films without graphic scenes in them you could watch. at the very least, talk to her instead of pulling some middle school nonsense. can 100% guarantee she will be more upset at discovering you've stopped inviting her than she will if you privately say something along the lines of "hey, we're planning on watching clockwork orange next time, you want to risk it or would you rather skip it?" </s>
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AITA if I don't want to be friends with a girl because of how she looks.
|
i feel like i'm probably the asshole but here we go.
so last night my fiance and me went over to his friends house who we'll call d his friend has this girlfriend who we'll call t. now t is like everything i've ever wanted to be. fully tattooed from neck down, a professional instagram model, she's hung out with countless people i only dream of meeting. they have her photos all over the house. now reasonably there's no reason why me and t can't be friends, she's smart, we had the same kind of upbringing, both went through a lot of the same struggles, we both left home at 14. so in reality we should be friends.
the issue lies in me. i recently had my first kid and while i didn't gain a ton i gained enough weight to have my old eating disorder rear his ugly little head and sink his teeth in. i've been struggling for weeks already to eat enough and not work out too much. it's a constant struggle.
after hanging out last night i really liked her, but as soon as i got in the shower all i could think about was how much i would need to throw up to look like her. how different my stomach looks from hers, how i'll never be as pretty or thin. it really fucked with me and i couldn't even look at breakfast without wanting to puke.
my fiance keeps asking me to hang out with her and she's been dming me on insta but idk what to tell them. i feel like i'm a shallow asshole for not wanting to hang out with her because of how straight up gorgeous she is. i feel horrible but i also can't stand the thought of relapsing especially around my daughter in terrified i could pass my body issues to her.
| 2,507
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fzxxrz/aita_if_i_dont_want_to_be_friends_with_a_girl/
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2020-04-12 14:46:33
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nah
if you were a recovering alcoholic, no one would fault you for not wanting to hang out with someone casually drinking.
you need to make the choice that keeps you healthy.
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you need to get help for your self image issues. when negative feelings affect your ability to maintain relationships, it’s time seek out a professional. talk to your ob about your feelings.
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nah.
i have quite a few mental health issues and for the last few years i've been on the brink of developing an eating disorder thanks to some pretty serious body image issues, even though i'm a male and this is not as frequent a problem in man. this does not make me a psychiatrist or anything, but i'm being upfront about this because your post really touched me in a personal way.
when i started reading it i was pending in the direction of you being a shallow asshole, but as soon as i reached the information about how hard seeing her body affects your mental health i immediately changed my mind.
not wanting to relapse is an extremely valid concern. a recovering alcoholic is not an asshole if he is not able to go to a bar with his friends, even it means distancing himself from people he likes. so, there's absolutely no way you are doing something wrong here.
that being said... how confident are you that just keeping your distance and avoiding her is a good long term solution? i'm not a therapist and i don't know you personally so i wouldn't feel confident or responsible advising you to take a different course of action, but i do feel confident asking you to think about your health on the long term. how likely it is that you'll never meet other people who trigger you like that?
i don't know how old your daughter is, but worrying about her is extremely sensitive on your part. one thing that you should be aware though is that even if you do your best to not "pass on" your body issues to her she might suffer from similar problems because she will also grow up as a woman in a similar society to the one you grew up. if she is old enough, being open with her about your issues might even be healthier for her - but that's a hard "might" and it's your call, really.
even though you don't owe anyone an explanation, i do think that you should consider being open about this to someone outside of reddit. again, it's your decision and this whole situation is extremely delicate - way out or reddit's league. it would certainly be a good idea to talk to a therapist about this if you are not doing so already - but talking to people in your life might also be important. your fiance, maybe? or - who knows? - maybe even t. you and her are so similar. how surprised would you be if it turns out that she suffers from similar issues?
best of luck.
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you should be social distancing. yta.
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yta mainly to yourself. if you are picking friendships based primarily on how people look & your own insecurities, expect shallow friendships. those will not be the friendships likely to support your recovery and help you in a pinch.
>i also can't stand the thought of relapsing especially around my daughter in terrified i could pass my body issues to her.
that is a risk regardless of your friend group. and disordered eating and body image can be passed on in a lot of ways, not just if your ed is active. get therapy to prevent that.
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nah.
you're recovering from an eating disorder and you can feel it trying to take hold of you again. you need to do the things that keep you healthy.
i would also suggest seeking professional help for these feelings. if it's extreme enough that it's affecting relationships, or relationships you could be having, you should work through them with someone. you are doing amazing from what i've read but a little extra help usually doesn't hurt!
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nah. you are jealous of t, but you are trying to handle it without hurting anyone else. while jealousy is not good, it is human, and we all sometimes feel that way. you have the right to not be friends with someone if that person makes you feel bad in any way, but that would not stop your jealousy if she is in the same friend circle.
you can either try and become more like her, which would automatically remove the jealousy if you get there, but you said that chances of that are not great, or try to explain to yourself why your life doesn suck, and that you have made different choices, which have closed some doors but opened some others.
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nah. you sound like you're really struggling with this, which tells me that you are not an asshole by any means. an asshole would react angrily in a situation like this -- they would lash out at this girl just for existing, and probably at their partner as well because they would feel threatened. you sound like you just need a boost is all.
i know this sub isn't for advice, but maybe you should share these feelings with your fiance. let him know that you like her but are feeling a little "less than" by comparison, and that you would appreciate his support while you try to work through it. also, i bet if she knew you felt this way, she could list off at least half a dozen things she admires about *you!*
you're already doing great by acknowledging these feelings and not just reacting to them blindly. continue to check in with yourself and if you like her, keep spending time with her! just remember to be kind to yourself and keep the lines of communication open with your support network.
**
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\> **aita if i don't want to be friends with a girl because of how she looks.**
yta. the actual reason you don't want to be friends with her is not "cause of how she looks", it's because if your ed/insecurities. you mentioned that you have a counselor but the counselor won't do remote sessions. consider the possibility of finding a different counselor who can do remote sessions.
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why are you going to friends' houses during a global pandemic, especially with a newborn at home?! yta for that alone.
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i feel like i'm probably the asshole but here we go. so last night my fiance and me went over to his friends house who we'll call d his friend has this girlfriend who we'll call t. now t is like everything i've ever wanted to be. fully tattooed from neck down, a professional instagram model, she's hung out with countless people i only dream of meeting. they have her photos all over the house. now reasonably there's no reason why me and t can't be friends, she's smart, we had the same kind of upbringing, both went through a lot of the same struggles, we both left home at 14. so in reality we should be friends. the issue lies in me. i recently had my first kid and while i didn't gain a ton i gained enough weight to have my old eating disorder rear his ugly little head and sink his teeth in. i've been struggling for weeks already to eat enough and not work out too much. it's a constant struggle. after hanging out last night i really liked her, but as soon as i got in the shower all i could think about was how much i would need to throw up to look like her. how different my stomach looks from hers, how i'll never be as pretty or thin. it really fucked with me and i couldn't even look at breakfast without wanting to puke. my fiance keeps asking me to hang out with her and she's been dming me on insta but idk what to tell them. i feel like i'm a shallow asshole for not wanting to hang out with her because of how straight up gorgeous she is. i feel horrible but i also can't stand the thought of relapsing especially around my daughter in terrified i could pass my body issues to her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i feel like i'm probably the asshole but here we go. so last night my fiance and me went over to his friends house who we'll call d his friend has this girlfriend who we'll call t. now t is like everything i've ever wanted to be. fully tattooed from neck down, a professional instagram model, she's hung out with countless people i only dream of meeting. they have her photos all over the house. now reasonably there's no reason why me and t can't be friends, she's smart, we had the same kind of upbringing, both went through a lot of the same struggles, we both left home at 14. so in reality we should be friends. the issue lies in me. i recently had my first kid and while i didn't gain a ton i gained enough weight to have my old eating disorder rear his ugly little head and sink his teeth in. i've been struggling for weeks already to eat enough and not work out too much. it's a constant struggle. after hanging out last night i really liked her, but as soon as i got in the shower all i could think about was how much i would need to throw up to look like her. how different my stomach looks from hers, how i'll never be as pretty or thin. it really fucked with me and i couldn't even look at breakfast without wanting to puke. my fiance keeps asking me to hang out with her and she's been dming me on insta but idk what to tell them. i feel like i'm a shallow asshole for not wanting to hang out with her because of how straight up gorgeous she is. i feel horrible but i also can't stand the thought of relapsing especially around my daughter in terrified i could pass my body issues to her. [/INST] nah if you were a recovering alcoholic, no one would fault you for not wanting to hang out with someone casually drinking. you need to make the choice that keeps you healthy. </s>
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AITA for not donating my liver due to a lawsuit and the person died?
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my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place.
a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat.
i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later.
a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time.
i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice.
bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person.
i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this.
aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hysbcq/aita_for_not_donating_my_liver_due_to_a_lawsuit/
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2020-07-27 13:31:57
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nta. you don't owe anybody your organs.
the boss did not care about your family, he didn't try to get your partner's side of the story before calling the police.
report them for harassment if they keep pestering you.
hypothetically, even if your partner was stealing, the boss should have let it go. a transplant is priceless.
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you are nta. her boss had put your partner's life/freedom in jeopardy at the same time as you were arranging to help extend his. (now, if the accusations were founded, you would still be nta, but it would be more of a n a h scenario).
if you feel bad, go donate blood. save other lives.
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nta, you were literally going to save his life and he went and tried to get your partner arrested. pretty fucked up to me, looks like he did it to himself.
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nta and he did this to himself. he is dead because of his own choice to go after your partner. what person in their right mind presses charges against the partner of the person donating part of their liver? how did he think that was going to end? block his friends and family. move on with your life. you did the right thing.
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that is not murder, it’s karma. nta
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nta. while there might be some people who could forgive what your partner's boss did, i doubt too many of them would consent to go through with an organ transplant, either. your first duty is to your partner and you owe absolutely nothing to the person who falsely accused her of various felonies and threatened her with prison. to save himself, no doubt.
your partner's ex-boss and friend tried to save himself by destroying someone else. no one 'deserves' to die, but all of us make choices that contribute to how we die and why. that sad, pathetic, and selfish man died because of his actions, not yours.
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nta
you were willing to give a part of your liver to a person who isn't even related to you. this person repays you by sending police to your house. even if they were concerned about theft, the least they could have done was talk to you in person before they officially report it.
i get why you feel guilty, but don't. you offered a really selfless thing and as a thank you they came after your family.
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nta. he's not dead because of you. he's dead because of his disease first and foremost, over which you had no control whatsoever and no obligation to cure for him, and secondly because of his shitty behavior trying to frame your spouse for an insurance fraud scheme. if he hadn't have had your spouse falsey arrested he would have got his transplant. you are under no obligation to save the life of someone who would abuse you and ruine your own life in a heartbeat without a care. this horrible man kinda got what he deserved.
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nta
“let me risk his life to save mine and throw his wife in jail while im at it”
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nta jesus. having read your comment that it was his wife stealing the money - **his wife did this**. if he believed the accusation that it was your partner, he should have come to you directly first.
i don't think this will make you feel any better. but everything happens for a reason. his time was up. it turns out that there was nothing you could do to change this. his wife might have made his life a misery if he'd survived. now she has to sit and live with herself.
i'm so sorry, op. i think you and your partner should get a harassment order against the former boss' family, maybe even a defamation suit since you owe them nothing. and maybe get joint counselling over having someone do this to you. best wishes to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place. a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat. i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later. a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time. i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice. bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person. i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this. aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place. a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat. i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later. a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time. i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice. bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person. i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this. aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying? [/INST] nta. you don't owe anybody your organs. the boss did not care about your family, he didn't try to get your partner's side of the story before calling the police. report them for harassment if they keep pestering you. hypothetically, even if your partner was stealing, the boss should have let it go. a transplant is priceless. </s>
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AITA for calling a woman an idiot when she refused listen to why my daughter isn't vaccinated?
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my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines.
i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated.
one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses.
i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea."
she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
| 25,294
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lj2pxa/aita_for_calling_a_woman_an_idiot_when_she/
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2021-02-13 15:38:19
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nta.
it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning.
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absolutely nta. i advocate vaccination myself, but there are valid reasons (supported by modern, mainstream medical science) why *specific* people in/with *specific* situations may not be able to take x vaccine(s).
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nta i am extremely pro-vaccine, but i haven't been vaccinated myself due to serious medical conditions. this is literally what herd immunity is for - to protect people like me and your daughter.
thankfully, my kids are all vaccinated and don't have the same conditions i do.
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[removed]
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[removed]
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nta. one of my friends has a daughter who, while she can get live vaccines, does not retain the titters (i’m not sure that’s the correct medical language). anyway, end result is that a few months after she receives a vaccine, it’s like she never got it at all. so, not the same situation, but she also has to deal with people who don’t understand why her kid isn’t vaccinated (she is, she just might as well not be).
anyway. it’s not your fault that she showed her ass and couldn’t step back and say, “oh, i’m sorry, i’m unaware of the situation and don’t understand the medicine behind this.” she doubled down. you defended yourself and your kid. frankly, not sure what else you were supposed to do
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nta - humans have two ears and one mouth. she should learn to prioritise them as such.
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nta.
if anything your daughter’s status would make you want people to be vaccinated as that is the only way to protect her since she cannot be vaccinated. the woman is an idiot. stating something factual does not make you an asshole.
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nta. you did your homework and she came at you trying to make it personal. good show calling her on it and knocking her off her high horse.
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nta if she knew anything about being pro or anti-vaccines she would know that people like your daughter are why mass vaccinations are so important (as you already said you had posted on your page). she sounds not only rude but uneducated and jumping in a train of thought she doesn’t understand and doesn’t sound like she willing to learn about. as for the other members in your group perhaps a “refresher post” about situations like yours and the importance of getting vaccinated could be good?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita? [/INST] nta. it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that she can't freeze her eggs?
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my wife and i have been married for under a year. she has ovarian cancer and needs a full hysterectomy. our insurance isn't great, and we have had to lean on family.
this will take any chances we have at biological children together. while that's sad, we can always adopt or foster when the time comes. we're in our early 20s, we have decades. the problem is, she has a very limited window to try to freeze some eggs or embryos. we absolutely cannot do that. it would cost at least 14k just to harvest some, and then we'd be paying storage fees until we got together another 100k+ for a surrogate, not including ivf or any other fees i'm not familiar with.
i'm sorry, but we don't have the money to do that, and it's disturbing to think about. our genes aren't that great to justify spending so much. the statistics don't even bear out a high success rate, or even a statistically significant success rate. we're already going to be in debt for years, but that's actually necessary. spending hundreds of thousands on what is ultimately a pipe dream isn't.
i understand wanting biological children, but this just... isn't worth it.
| 2,809
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d33e3n/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_cant_freeze_her/
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2019-09-12 05:38:04
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nah
but don’t go telling her she can’t. talk through the financials of the situation in a way that helps her understand you guys just can’t afford to do this. it’s sad, and i feel bad for her. she won’t have biological children, but you guys can foster and make a huge difference in an existing child’s life.
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nah but when you go through the financial nightmare with her. say we can't do it. not you.
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nah. she’s not an asshole for wanting to do it and you’re not an asshole for thinking through the financial ramifications. i think you guys need to sit down and have a really honest conversation so you can explain your side to her.
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gonna go with yta just for how your phrased it. yes you are the asshole for telling your wife she can never have children of her own when she is already going through an insanely trying time. if that is something she feels extremely strongly about, it's her right to have that desire and try to come up with a solution to make it happen.
that being said, it sounds like it's probably not likely that she will be able to freeze her eggs anyway given your financial situation, so rather than telling her she can't, i would give her time to come to that conclusion on her own, and/or offer to go to couple's counseling together to talk it out further.
having biological children can be the most important thing in life to some people and it sounds like you are approaching this with a little less sympathy than one should have, given the situation.
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fyi there are charities that help women freeze eggs.
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yta for policing her body during an incredibly emotional time. i understand you hope that you will spend your lives together, but circumstances can change and this decision will have a life long impact on her and her ability to have a family in the future (either with or without you). if you were to divorce you could still have biological children but you would have taken her chances away. you don’t have to use the eggs in the future, but they are there if she decides she wants to. hearing you not only have cancer but also won’t be able to have your own children is a damaging blow on the psyche. for a lot of women, we are conditioned from a young age to tie our worth around our ability to have and mother children and she has just had this long held belief stripped from her. if freezing her eggs brings her any comfort than you support her in doing it.
i say this having been in this situation, the emotional turmoil of cancer and losing my fertility was devastating. i made the choice to freeze my eggs, not embryos, while still married to my now ex-husband. he wasn’t sure about kids but i knew i wanted them, so he supported my decision to move forward with the process. i now have one, soon to be two children with my current partner because of my decision.
if you are worried about the money, her reproductive endocrinologist can reach out to the livestrong foundation who helps with the cost of egg retrieval and storage fees in cases of cancer. my out of pocket would have been over $20k, reduced to $5k with the program, and their office ate the costs due to my circumstances. there are other organizations that help with these costs as well.
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yta. not for where you’ve landed re this decision, but because you don’t seem to empathize with the emotional magnitude of what your wife is dealing with right now, and why money might seem less important to her than the prospect of having a bio kid. you need to do some reflection before you have this convo with her.
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hey just wanted to make a comment about frozen embryos, i was frozen for 10 years then put into my “non-genetic real mother” and i’m okay! am 18 now hope you guys can get through this!
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yta. not for the finances, but your attitude. your wife is an adoptee, yet you make comments like "our genes aren't that great": the whole point is that she has never had anyone who shared her genes! she didn't get to grow up with a biological family and this was her chance to create one. she doesn't want to be an adoptive mother, and the fact that you seem to blast right past that to make it just about money is a real issue.
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op, as someone whose partner is probably going to have to have to a hysterectomy in a few years with other fertility issues in the mix who is also very low-income, i hope you'll read this comment. yta but, as others have said, for your attitude. what your wife is facing is very traumatizing for many women, due to both how serious ovarian cancer is and how devastating it can be to learn you can't conceive/bear children. my partner and i cannot afford egg harvesting and storage either, and we're significantly older than you and your wife. if one of us doesn't luck out and land a new job that pays several times more than we make now soon, having a biological child is off the table. and like the situation you describe, there are genetic factors that also make it risky. so i get where you're coming from. but that bit of "news" is utterly heartbreaking to many women, and treating the situation as flippantly as your post implies suggests you may not understand just how life-altering what your wife is going through is going to be.
i also want to comment on your argument about adoption or fostering because this is something else my partner and i must consider. that is also very expensive, especially with the finances you describe. you don't just fill out an application and get a kid; the upfront costs alone are several thousand dollars, in some cases, more than the egg harvesting cost you're looking at. and if your finances aren't great and you both have genetic issues that could impact your health, there's a good chance you will not be approved for adoption anyway. as for fostering, in some situations, fostering the child carries the risk of the child being taken away if the court orders that they go back to a family member. my point here is: your wife isn't *just* looking at both having cancer and being unable to have biological children; with what you describe, she is also looking at the possibility that she will never have children -- period.
i don't think you're ta for your concerns. not by a long shot. your concerns are absolutely valid. but please understand that what your wife is going through is so much bigger and more frightening on multiple levels than your post and comments suggest you realize, and please approach the situation with sensitivity to that.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.229769
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have been married for under a year. she has ovarian cancer and needs a full hysterectomy. our insurance isn't great, and we have had to lean on family. this will take any chances we have at biological children together. while that's sad, we can always adopt or foster when the time comes. we're in our early 20s, we have decades. the problem is, she has a very limited window to try to freeze some eggs or embryos. we absolutely cannot do that. it would cost at least 14k just to harvest some, and then we'd be paying storage fees until we got together another 100k+ for a surrogate, not including ivf or any other fees i'm not familiar with. i'm sorry, but we don't have the money to do that, and it's disturbing to think about. our genes aren't that great to justify spending so much. the statistics don't even bear out a high success rate, or even a statistically significant success rate. we're already going to be in debt for years, but that's actually necessary. spending hundreds of thousands on what is ultimately a pipe dream isn't. i understand wanting biological children, but this just... isn't worth it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been married for under a year. she has ovarian cancer and needs a full hysterectomy. our insurance isn't great, and we have had to lean on family. this will take any chances we have at biological children together. while that's sad, we can always adopt or foster when the time comes. we're in our early 20s, we have decades. the problem is, she has a very limited window to try to freeze some eggs or embryos. we absolutely cannot do that. it would cost at least 14k just to harvest some, and then we'd be paying storage fees until we got together another 100k+ for a surrogate, not including ivf or any other fees i'm not familiar with. i'm sorry, but we don't have the money to do that, and it's disturbing to think about. our genes aren't that great to justify spending so much. the statistics don't even bear out a high success rate, or even a statistically significant success rate. we're already going to be in debt for years, but that's actually necessary. spending hundreds of thousands on what is ultimately a pipe dream isn't. i understand wanting biological children, but this just... isn't worth it. [/INST] nah but don’t go telling her she can’t. talk through the financials of the situation in a way that helps her understand you guys just can’t afford to do this. it’s sad, and i feel bad for her. she won’t have biological children, but you guys can foster and make a huge difference in an existing child’s life. </s>
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AITA for acting like a conspiracy theorist to get out of political arguments with my Dad?
|
my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while.
i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me.
my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month.
this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses.
i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
| 26,280
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egncbw/aita_for_acting_like_a_conspiracy_theorist_to_get/
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2019-12-28 06:26:55
|
nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake?
|
nta. your dad sounds like a shit stirrer.
is he the type of person who starts an argument and then backs out of it while everyone else argues with each other?
|
ywbta if you didn't share some more of these batshit arguments with us.
|
nta
>at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place!
>[...]
>i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
your dad makes triggering the libs into an entire personality trait and your mother picks on *you* for acting dismissive/insane? :-/
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nta. you're the real mvp.
of course you're not the asshole, this is a tactic called farce where you poke holes in ridiculous beliefs by exaggerating them to improbable extremes. keep doing what you're doing.
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nta. "mom, i've tried telling dad i don't want to be constantly talking politics, especially when he gets such a kick out of needling people with it. if you're going to unilaterally sign me up for a game i don't want to play, you shouldn't be surprised when i don't play to win."
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ha! nta because people like your dad are insufferable. (no offense to him, but really.)
|
[deleted]
|
nta - your dad is a irl twitter troll! you should tell everyone about this fun trick and just talking crazy whenever your dad starts up. even better pull up nutters on the phone and make him look at it till he gets tired of the ‘fun’. he can keep playing his game online till he gets bored or trolled by equal assholes.
if your mom wants to play his childish games that’s on her she married him but i doubt others enjoy it.
|
omg this is great! nta! all i can say is maybe find one topic he is super passionate about like global warming for example and go all out. predict what he will want to talk about and make a damn binder. blow him and his arguments out of the water with facts and sources. after a big burn like that with people around he won’t want to discuss things like that with you anymore.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.031039
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.” [/INST] nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake? </s>
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