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AITA for sticking with my wedding color scheme though my MIL is upset?
|
for my upcoming wedding i want an earthy theme with muted colors. in our social circle it is pretty standard for the family to match the wedding colors so the pictures look nice. my parents are spending a good deal of money, so it is important to me that things go as smoothly as possible.
when i told mil she made a face but didn’t say much. then we started talking about what the family would wear and mil realized that i wanted everyone to look cohesive and got upset. she accused me of not caring about her self esteem and said my colors were ugly. mil likes bold colors, but she had a wedding a couple years ago and got to do whatever she wanted. i feel this is my day.
shopping for her mother of the groom dress was a nightmare. it was months of back and worth, crying, me vetoing dresses that would stand out like a sore thumb in pictures, her calling me vain and heartless. it was a mess. finally i took her and my no nonsense mom and we got her a dress.
i thought it was settled but i got a furious voicemail from mils husband saying she put the dress on and immediately began crying, and he will not let her wear it at this point because of what it is doing to her self esteem. he called me a fake person who doesn’t know what love is, a controlling psycho, and then he began swearing at me and saying i made his wife cry. my fiancé finally took the phone and ripped him a new one.
his daughter texted me the next day and said she doesn’t like mil that much but she thinks i’m being a dick because my colors were chosen to suit my huge family and bridal party, all white, and mil is the only non white one (middle eastern) so the colors don’t suit her complexion. i called mil and asked if that was it and she wouldn’t even answer and said i don’t care about her.
my fiancé says to make her wear it out of spite but at this point i think they might not be going. she hasn’t rsvpd and she is the type to dig her heels in and not go. i’m not even sure she has the dress because my mom says mil told her her husband cut it and mil thought that was so cute and romantic. i don’t know if i’m being too harsh by not budging. this is important to me and i’m sick of her always being a spoiled brat and getting her way, but at the same time the colors are making her really insecure and she is super vain.
| 2,906
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkhbml/aita_for_sticking_with_my_wedding_color_scheme/
|
2021-09-08 19:22:39
|
esh
my wedding colors were cream and light gold. very muted everything.
my mil wore a strapless bright neon pink ball gown to a 5pm summer wedding. 🤷🏻♀️
who cares. let her wear whatever she wants. in 15 years i promise you will not give 2 shits.
your mil sucks for making everything about her.
|
[deleted]
|
yes it’s your wedding but i really don’t understand why you get to dictate what she wears..? she’s not **in** the wedding so you choosing the color she wears really doesn’t make sense to me. maybe cultural differences 🤷🏼♀️
esh
|
nta. its your and your fiancées day. not hers. let her continue her tantrum and if she doesn’t go, then that’s drama free day for you guys!
|
info - what has your relationship and your fiancé’s relationship been like with her before this? i have a hard time believing that all this drama came out and now they may not even be attending their own son’s wedding … over a dress color??? something has to be missing here ….
|
esh honestly
​
you - yeah, i get the idea of having some colour scheme. but if the colours in question make the guests feel uncomfortable - why? also, i don't know how well-off your family is, but... what if you are forcing someone to purchase an outfit specially for the occassion, when they could wear something they already own? general dress code (or having some more popular colours) would've been easier and more acceptable.
her - well, your wedding is not about her.
|
nta this particular mother in law is ramping up her histrionics to cause you to think about her all the time and to take the spotlight. as long as she is the poor victim then she gets all the attention.
best thing is to completely ignore her, she can show up in flannel pajamas if she likes, or not show up at all, but stop trying to placate, or even find out what it is that would possibly make her happy, because she is the happiest when the victim and the spotlight is on her.
|
info- why does it matter what colour she wears?
|
esh. mil obviously sucks for making such a big fuss. her husband sucks for being angry at you. you suck for being a bridezilla and for forcing people to wear a certain color—a color so many people (including me) look ugly in. fiancé sucks for being so spiteful towards their own mother.
what a family. so glad i’m not a guest at that wedding!
|
yta
never heard of this color code for family of the bride and groom but the way you’re implementing it is stupid and controlling as hell.
i was going to say you are all assholes (e-s-h) until i read this:
>she thinks i’m being a dick because my colors were chosen to suit my huge family and bridal party, **all white, and mil is the only non white one (middle eastern) so the colors don’t suit her complexion.**
this is a valid point.
it’s clear you don’t like mil to be, but it sounds like you are being very inflexible to be spiteful which makes you the biggest drama stirrer here.
hence, you are the asshole.
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.519381
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for my upcoming wedding i want an earthy theme with muted colors. in our social circle it is pretty standard for the family to match the wedding colors so the pictures look nice. my parents are spending a good deal of money, so it is important to me that things go as smoothly as possible. when i told mil she made a face but didn’t say much. then we started talking about what the family would wear and mil realized that i wanted everyone to look cohesive and got upset. she accused me of not caring about her self esteem and said my colors were ugly. mil likes bold colors, but she had a wedding a couple years ago and got to do whatever she wanted. i feel this is my day. shopping for her mother of the groom dress was a nightmare. it was months of back and worth, crying, me vetoing dresses that would stand out like a sore thumb in pictures, her calling me vain and heartless. it was a mess. finally i took her and my no nonsense mom and we got her a dress. i thought it was settled but i got a furious voicemail from mils husband saying she put the dress on and immediately began crying, and he will not let her wear it at this point because of what it is doing to her self esteem. he called me a fake person who doesn’t know what love is, a controlling psycho, and then he began swearing at me and saying i made his wife cry. my fiancé finally took the phone and ripped him a new one. his daughter texted me the next day and said she doesn’t like mil that much but she thinks i’m being a dick because my colors were chosen to suit my huge family and bridal party, all white, and mil is the only non white one (middle eastern) so the colors don’t suit her complexion. i called mil and asked if that was it and she wouldn’t even answer and said i don’t care about her. my fiancé says to make her wear it out of spite but at this point i think they might not be going. she hasn’t rsvpd and she is the type to dig her heels in and not go. i’m not even sure she has the dress because my mom says mil told her her husband cut it and mil thought that was so cute and romantic. i don’t know if i’m being too harsh by not budging. this is important to me and i’m sick of her always being a spoiled brat and getting her way, but at the same time the colors are making her really insecure and she is super vain.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for my upcoming wedding i want an earthy theme with muted colors. in our social circle it is pretty standard for the family to match the wedding colors so the pictures look nice. my parents are spending a good deal of money, so it is important to me that things go as smoothly as possible. when i told mil she made a face but didn’t say much. then we started talking about what the family would wear and mil realized that i wanted everyone to look cohesive and got upset. she accused me of not caring about her self esteem and said my colors were ugly. mil likes bold colors, but she had a wedding a couple years ago and got to do whatever she wanted. i feel this is my day. shopping for her mother of the groom dress was a nightmare. it was months of back and worth, crying, me vetoing dresses that would stand out like a sore thumb in pictures, her calling me vain and heartless. it was a mess. finally i took her and my no nonsense mom and we got her a dress. i thought it was settled but i got a furious voicemail from mils husband saying she put the dress on and immediately began crying, and he will not let her wear it at this point because of what it is doing to her self esteem. he called me a fake person who doesn’t know what love is, a controlling psycho, and then he began swearing at me and saying i made his wife cry. my fiancé finally took the phone and ripped him a new one. his daughter texted me the next day and said she doesn’t like mil that much but she thinks i’m being a dick because my colors were chosen to suit my huge family and bridal party, all white, and mil is the only non white one (middle eastern) so the colors don’t suit her complexion. i called mil and asked if that was it and she wouldn’t even answer and said i don’t care about her. my fiancé says to make her wear it out of spite but at this point i think they might not be going. she hasn’t rsvpd and she is the type to dig her heels in and not go. i’m not even sure she has the dress because my mom says mil told her her husband cut it and mil thought that was so cute and romantic. i don’t know if i’m being too harsh by not budging. this is important to me and i’m sick of her always being a spoiled brat and getting her way, but at the same time the colors are making her really insecure and she is super vain. [/INST] esh my wedding colors were cream and light gold. very muted everything. my mil wore a strapless bright neon pink ball gown to a 5pm summer wedding. 🤷🏻♀️ who cares. let her wear whatever she wants. in 15 years i promise you will not give 2 shits. your mil sucks for making everything about her. </s>
|
AITA for shaming my mother for remarrying so quickly and wanting nothing to do with her new husband?
|
my parents were married for 23 years (i am 21) and got a divorce in january. their marriage died awhile ago and they just waited until my youngest brother finished high school. my mother announced she was getting married to "dave." i had seen him around and wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking for sometime, but even that doesn't bother me. what bothers me is that she is doing this less than nine months after their divorce and i can't stand dave. he has no money, everything is a big joke, and is just a loser. my mother insists this is her choice and i told dave that if he really loved her, then he would pause on getting married.
i told my mother she can do what she wants. i won't have anything to do with her or her husband. she can do so much better. i will not do anything to make dave feel accepted or wanted.
| 1,777
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iy9xxa/aita_for_shaming_my_mother_for_remarrying_so/
|
2020-09-23 13:19:29
|
nah. you are a grown adult now at 21. you're allowed to not want anything to do with your new step-father. but it is her life. she is also a grown adult and gets to do what she wants.
|
yta... not for disliking dave, since you don't have to like the guy, but for petulantly refusing to even be civil to him. your mother is an adult and has every right to make her own life choices, whether you like it or not. her marriage has been functionally over for years, and even collaborative divorces can take quite a while to finalize, so not sure why you insist that your mother has to be divorced for an indeterminate amount of time before she remarries. it's not like we're in 18th century england and your father died and his widow has to wear black for 2 years to properly execute her mourning period.
|
her sacrificing years of her life living with someone and not being able to openly move on for the sake of you and you sibling(s). that wasn't enough? how much longer exactly would be enough for you to keep your un asked for opinions to yourself? yta
|
i feel like i need more info, but i feel like my initial reaction is that yta. as long as dave isn’t trying to get in between the relationship that you and your siblings have with your mom, then in your own words “your mom can do what she wants.” don’t have a relationship with dave if you don’t want to, but being anything less than cordial and treating him poorly (especially if he treats you with respect) will make you look like a brat.
|
yta. i imagine that your mother has hated or despised some of your friends and sos for the years but she didn't nuke her relationship with you because you had asshole friends or loser partners. you don't know why she's with dave, you don't know why she's chosen to marry him . . . you don't know anything about dave except that you think he's a loser and he has no money. and you may be right. the dude might be a total loser but that's not your problem, that's your mother's problem. you've registered your disapproval, everybody knows what you think about the matter. now it's time to shut up and start acting like an adult, because your mother gets to choose her partner just like you get to choose your partner. you don't have to support her choice but now that she's made it, you have to respect it. which means basic courtesy to dave and a willingness to put your mother's happiness over your own feelings. because there's also a very good chance that your judgement of the guy is completely wrong and he is exactly what she needs.
|
yta after your parents stayed together in a marriage (that had already basically ended) for the sake of her children, one of them tells her she is not entitled to make her own decision about her relationship. get off your high horse and stop making her seeking happiness about you, just because your mother put her children first it does not entitle you to dictate the course of the rest of her life.
if you don't want to have anything to do with the new husband that's your choice and perfectly fine, what isn't is how you have gone about it.
|
> their marriage died awhile ago
and
> i had seen him around and wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking for sometime
it hasn't been nine months, it's been a lot longer than that, and you know it.
yta
|
you are 21 and foot lose and fancy free. your mom is an adult like you and does not need your approval to marry. if this guy makes her happy 😂 so be it. you are just mad 🤣 over their divorce. yta
|
yta you’re under no obligation to talk to dave. at the same time, it’s an asshole move to shame your mum for her own life decisions that have no actual baring on you.
|
how would pausing the wedding show that he really loves your mom?
its just what you want
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.041117
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents were married for 23 years (i am 21) and got a divorce in january. their marriage died awhile ago and they just waited until my youngest brother finished high school. my mother announced she was getting married to "dave." i had seen him around and wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking for sometime, but even that doesn't bother me. what bothers me is that she is doing this less than nine months after their divorce and i can't stand dave. he has no money, everything is a big joke, and is just a loser. my mother insists this is her choice and i told dave that if he really loved her, then he would pause on getting married. i told my mother she can do what she wants. i won't have anything to do with her or her husband. she can do so much better. i will not do anything to make dave feel accepted or wanted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my parents were married for 23 years (i am 21) and got a divorce in january. their marriage died awhile ago and they just waited until my youngest brother finished high school. my mother announced she was getting married to "dave." i had seen him around and wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking for sometime, but even that doesn't bother me. what bothers me is that she is doing this less than nine months after their divorce and i can't stand dave. he has no money, everything is a big joke, and is just a loser. my mother insists this is her choice and i told dave that if he really loved her, then he would pause on getting married. i told my mother she can do what she wants. i won't have anything to do with her or her husband. she can do so much better. i will not do anything to make dave feel accepted or wanted. [/INST] nah. you are a grown adult now at 21. you're allowed to not want anything to do with your new step-father. but it is her life. she is also a grown adult and gets to do what she wants. </s>
|
AITA For Getting Rid of my GF's New Cat?
|
my gf (29) and i (30) have been together for about 5 years now, and finally agreed to move in together since her lease is up next month and i love her. i recently bought my house, and since she's lived in places with no pet rules, she asked if she could finally get one as a move in present, and i readily agreed. i also love pets, and figured this would be a good thing for both of us.
my only condition was no cats.
i have nothing against them, in fact i had one for three days myself right out of college, but i had to give her back because i could barely breath and my skin turned a different color because it was decaying (she slept on my leg, and the contact is what caused this). i have what's called a "prolonged exposure" allergy, where i'm ok for a couple of hours around the cat, but when the allergy does it, it hits hard and is super bad. i have no clue if it's all cats or just the one cat, and so i've avoided having them ever since.
i explained this to my gf, and she agreed. two weeks go by, no issues as she unpacks and gets settled. i figured another few weeks, let everything die down some more, and then we'll go get a dog, or a hamster, or maybe a bird. i'm not picky, i love animals.
i leave for work, and when i come home, there's a damn kitten trying to rub against my ankle.
i try to not freak out, thinking it was a stray my gf found and she was just housing it until the shelter opened tomorrow, but no. my gf spent $300 on a kitten because "she's so cute, and so friendly!"
i put my foot down. yes, the kitten is cute, but i refuse to have an animal that could kill me in the house. i told her that she has 3 days to take the animal either to the pound or back to the store when it opened on monday, or i will.
welp, tuesday morning, kitten was still there, adoption paper had been destroyed by her, and so i had had enough. already had breathing problems, so i did some research, gathered up mittens, and took her and all of her things to a local cat sanctuary. the guy who took her understood completely, happily accepted the donations (i even threw in some cash, since he's doing good work rehoming these sweeties), and promised that such a sweet friendly kitten would quickly be rehomed. i did think while gf was asleep, to ensure she wouldnt stop me.
my gf burst into tears and left for a friends house. she demands an apology before she comes home, and while most of our friends agree i was in the right for my safety, i should have at least let her say goodbye. i say that the cat shouldn't have been there in the first place, i gave her the option, and so she's the one who owes me the apology.
aita, or was she?
| 2,944
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gpcv88/aita_for_getting_rid_of_my_gfs_new_cat/
|
2020-05-23 21:18:56
|
esh. the correct action was to dump the gf and let her take the cat with her. not dump the cat and keep the gf.
|
nta
i love cats, but your gf had no right to put you, and the cat, in that position.
you should also rehome your gf. she doesn't respect you or have any care for your health. instead of apologizing, pack up her stuff and ask when she wants to come get it.
|
nta. honestly, she sounds like the kind of person who would try to feed her grandchildren a deadly allergen because “it can’t possibly be that bad.”
there is something very deeply troubling about her decision making process here.
|
nta
i'll be honest op, i am a *die-hard* cat lover and came into this fully ready and willing to rip you apart over this, because the thought of someone doing this to me with my cat enrages me truly beyond reason.
but then you explained your allergy, and as someone who has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts, that fact changed ***everything***. the fact that your gf \***ignored\*** this allergy (especially after having it's severity explained to her) and adopted a cat behind your back is a **galling** lack of respect for not just you, but for your health and well-being as well.
you don't owe her a goddamn thing, and the fact that she could so easily put your health at this severe a risk? i would at least start *seriously* questioning the future of your relationship with her, if not break up with her outright.
|
nta. i love animals and my cat is like my child. but you told her beforehand "no cats" and had a completely valid reason why. you also gave her a few days to handle the situation herself and she didn't. i'm no relationship expert (far from it), but this seems like a major red flag, even after all this time together. why would she do something that would likely cause a major health issue for you?
|
nta but the cat wasn't the problem. the complete disregard for your health was. you should rehome home your gf.
|
nta. luckily, you are a good person and did the responsible thing by taking mittens to a rescue with a donation. since gf walked all over you once and then ignored your request to return mittens, i doubt gf would ever have gotten rid of her. i am sure there is a lovely dog loving woman in your future.
|
nta.
she had her chance to say goodbye, but decided to ignore it and rip up adoption papers instead.
your gf just showed you that getting her way is more important to her than your literal health and well-being. let that sink in.
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nta that was so disrespectful for her to get a pet that could kill you, or at least make you miserable. she never should have said hello to kitty, let alone goodbye
|
> i should have at least let her say goodbye
you did. you gave her three days to do so.
super nta
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.010125
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf (29) and i (30) have been together for about 5 years now, and finally agreed to move in together since her lease is up next month and i love her. i recently bought my house, and since she's lived in places with no pet rules, she asked if she could finally get one as a move in present, and i readily agreed. i also love pets, and figured this would be a good thing for both of us. my only condition was no cats. i have nothing against them, in fact i had one for three days myself right out of college, but i had to give her back because i could barely breath and my skin turned a different color because it was decaying (she slept on my leg, and the contact is what caused this). i have what's called a "prolonged exposure" allergy, where i'm ok for a couple of hours around the cat, but when the allergy does it, it hits hard and is super bad. i have no clue if it's all cats or just the one cat, and so i've avoided having them ever since. i explained this to my gf, and she agreed. two weeks go by, no issues as she unpacks and gets settled. i figured another few weeks, let everything die down some more, and then we'll go get a dog, or a hamster, or maybe a bird. i'm not picky, i love animals. i leave for work, and when i come home, there's a damn kitten trying to rub against my ankle. i try to not freak out, thinking it was a stray my gf found and she was just housing it until the shelter opened tomorrow, but no. my gf spent $300 on a kitten because "she's so cute, and so friendly!" i put my foot down. yes, the kitten is cute, but i refuse to have an animal that could kill me in the house. i told her that she has 3 days to take the animal either to the pound or back to the store when it opened on monday, or i will. welp, tuesday morning, kitten was still there, adoption paper had been destroyed by her, and so i had had enough. already had breathing problems, so i did some research, gathered up mittens, and took her and all of her things to a local cat sanctuary. the guy who took her understood completely, happily accepted the donations (i even threw in some cash, since he's doing good work rehoming these sweeties), and promised that such a sweet friendly kitten would quickly be rehomed. i did think while gf was asleep, to ensure she wouldnt stop me. my gf burst into tears and left for a friends house. she demands an apology before she comes home, and while most of our friends agree i was in the right for my safety, i should have at least let her say goodbye. i say that the cat shouldn't have been there in the first place, i gave her the option, and so she's the one who owes me the apology. aita, or was she?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my gf (29) and i (30) have been together for about 5 years now, and finally agreed to move in together since her lease is up next month and i love her. i recently bought my house, and since she's lived in places with no pet rules, she asked if she could finally get one as a move in present, and i readily agreed. i also love pets, and figured this would be a good thing for both of us. my only condition was no cats. i have nothing against them, in fact i had one for three days myself right out of college, but i had to give her back because i could barely breath and my skin turned a different color because it was decaying (she slept on my leg, and the contact is what caused this). i have what's called a "prolonged exposure" allergy, where i'm ok for a couple of hours around the cat, but when the allergy does it, it hits hard and is super bad. i have no clue if it's all cats or just the one cat, and so i've avoided having them ever since. i explained this to my gf, and she agreed. two weeks go by, no issues as she unpacks and gets settled. i figured another few weeks, let everything die down some more, and then we'll go get a dog, or a hamster, or maybe a bird. i'm not picky, i love animals. i leave for work, and when i come home, there's a damn kitten trying to rub against my ankle. i try to not freak out, thinking it was a stray my gf found and she was just housing it until the shelter opened tomorrow, but no. my gf spent $300 on a kitten because "she's so cute, and so friendly!" i put my foot down. yes, the kitten is cute, but i refuse to have an animal that could kill me in the house. i told her that she has 3 days to take the animal either to the pound or back to the store when it opened on monday, or i will. welp, tuesday morning, kitten was still there, adoption paper had been destroyed by her, and so i had had enough. already had breathing problems, so i did some research, gathered up mittens, and took her and all of her things to a local cat sanctuary. the guy who took her understood completely, happily accepted the donations (i even threw in some cash, since he's doing good work rehoming these sweeties), and promised that such a sweet friendly kitten would quickly be rehomed. i did think while gf was asleep, to ensure she wouldnt stop me. my gf burst into tears and left for a friends house. she demands an apology before she comes home, and while most of our friends agree i was in the right for my safety, i should have at least let her say goodbye. i say that the cat shouldn't have been there in the first place, i gave her the option, and so she's the one who owes me the apology. aita, or was she? [/INST] esh. the correct action was to dump the gf and let her take the cat with her. not dump the cat and keep the gf. </s>
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AITA for giving my wife a placebo
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this happened last night and i’m struggling with what to do now.
my wife (38f) and i (42m) have a relationship built on complete honesty and it’s something i value highly. this is why i think i might be ta
yesterday my wife had a really rough day at work and was feeling very anxious in bed last night. she said that there’s so much going through her head and she won’t be able to sleep at all, but really needed to because she had such a big day at work the next day.
we usually have sleeping pills that we take only in these extreme situations where we need a really good sleep. maybe only a couple of times a year.
she asked for a sleeping pill last night, as i keep them next to my bed. i looked over and realised we were out and told her. she was very upset and said ‘great now i’m not going to be able to sleep and it’s going to ruin my day’.
i looked down and saw that we had some over the counter antihistamines (think claritin, non-drowsy) and they have a very similar shape and size to the sleeping pills we normally have.
a split second thought occurred to me and i grabbed one, and told her that i found one last one in the bottom of the drawer, and handed it to her.
she was very thankful, took the pill, and settled in to go to sleep. in 15 minutes she was out like a light.
this morning i asked how she slept, and she said she had a great nights sleep and thanked me again.
i know it only worked because of the placebo effect, which only worked because i was dishonest with her. she has taken these antihistamines before so i wasn’t worried about any unknown effects.
did i do bad? aita? i’m also torn as to whether to come clean this morning.
| 2,177
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jip0ed/aita_for_giving_my_wife_a_placebo/
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2020-10-26 22:35:51
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nah - but don’t make a habit of it. you were obviously trying to help in that situation. i think if you’re going to tell your wife i’d say something like “hey so i just realized that i gave you a claritin last night instead of a sleeping pill. isn’t that crazy it worked?” don’t make a big deal of it cause it isn’t a big deal.
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nah, i'm glad you told her. fun fact - the placebo effect can still work when people know they are taking a placebo. it's a wild area of research.
(edited from nta, thanks to comments for reminding me of that option :))
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nah - it was a split-second decision , it saved her night, & you knew she wouldn't have a bad reaction to it.
i would say if it ever happens a second time then you would be the ah.
but under the circumstances and on a one-time issue - i think you're good.
|
you guys are so pure hahaha
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did you lie? yes. was it with bad intentions? no. i think this one time let her live in the unknown. you didn’t give her something crazy or dangerous and she got a great night of sleep. nta
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nta - but tough call.
what folks (and you) are likely struggling with is if it had gone the other direction, if you had given her a sleeping pill to knock her out when she asked for an antihistamine for sneezing or runny nose, no matter what your reason, we'd all call foul.
but, her stated intention was to fall asleep.
however, just for your consideration. what would have happened if she hadn't fallen asleep and, because she thought she had taken a real sleeping pill, other options were foreclosed to her? she might have believed that she couldn't take anything else or risk negative side effects. would you have come clean at that point?
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so, this belongs on choose my alignment. this is chaotic good or neutral evil, in my opinion, depending on your motives.
lying is not an asshole move because you’re normally honest or you value honesty or you have an honest relationship. lying is an asshole move because it’s not okay to lie to your partner.
that said, by the sound of this, you weren’t running a test on her. this wasn’t a gotcha to prove she didn’t need the sleeping pills. this was a split second idea for how to help your wife get to sleep. the intentions seem to have been good and the result was good.
i’m going with nah because your wife wasn’t upset, your intentions were good, and no one got hurt/was likely to get hurt.
that being said, i wouldn’t make a habit of it, and i’d encourage your wife to tell her pcp this happened - she may not actually need the sleeping pills, but something else to help her relax before bed. better not to take pills if you don’t need them.
| null | null | null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.026189
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened last night and i’m struggling with what to do now. my wife (38f) and i (42m) have a relationship built on complete honesty and it’s something i value highly. this is why i think i might be ta yesterday my wife had a really rough day at work and was feeling very anxious in bed last night. she said that there’s so much going through her head and she won’t be able to sleep at all, but really needed to because she had such a big day at work the next day. we usually have sleeping pills that we take only in these extreme situations where we need a really good sleep. maybe only a couple of times a year. she asked for a sleeping pill last night, as i keep them next to my bed. i looked over and realised we were out and told her. she was very upset and said ‘great now i’m not going to be able to sleep and it’s going to ruin my day’. i looked down and saw that we had some over the counter antihistamines (think claritin, non-drowsy) and they have a very similar shape and size to the sleeping pills we normally have. a split second thought occurred to me and i grabbed one, and told her that i found one last one in the bottom of the drawer, and handed it to her. she was very thankful, took the pill, and settled in to go to sleep. in 15 minutes she was out like a light. this morning i asked how she slept, and she said she had a great nights sleep and thanked me again. i know it only worked because of the placebo effect, which only worked because i was dishonest with her. she has taken these antihistamines before so i wasn’t worried about any unknown effects. did i do bad? aita? i’m also torn as to whether to come clean this morning.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened last night and i’m struggling with what to do now. my wife (38f) and i (42m) have a relationship built on complete honesty and it’s something i value highly. this is why i think i might be ta yesterday my wife had a really rough day at work and was feeling very anxious in bed last night. she said that there’s so much going through her head and she won’t be able to sleep at all, but really needed to because she had such a big day at work the next day. we usually have sleeping pills that we take only in these extreme situations where we need a really good sleep. maybe only a couple of times a year. she asked for a sleeping pill last night, as i keep them next to my bed. i looked over and realised we were out and told her. she was very upset and said ‘great now i’m not going to be able to sleep and it’s going to ruin my day’. i looked down and saw that we had some over the counter antihistamines (think claritin, non-drowsy) and they have a very similar shape and size to the sleeping pills we normally have. a split second thought occurred to me and i grabbed one, and told her that i found one last one in the bottom of the drawer, and handed it to her. she was very thankful, took the pill, and settled in to go to sleep. in 15 minutes she was out like a light. this morning i asked how she slept, and she said she had a great nights sleep and thanked me again. i know it only worked because of the placebo effect, which only worked because i was dishonest with her. she has taken these antihistamines before so i wasn’t worried about any unknown effects. did i do bad? aita? i’m also torn as to whether to come clean this morning. [/INST] nah - but don’t make a habit of it. you were obviously trying to help in that situation. i think if you’re going to tell your wife i’d say something like “hey so i just realized that i gave you a claritin last night instead of a sleeping pill. isn’t that crazy it worked?” don’t make a big deal of it cause it isn’t a big deal. </s>
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AITA for arguing with my husband for the picture he had for my contact photo on his phone?
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《throwaway》.
my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before.
yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much.
info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo.
| 9,771
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8987o/aita_for_arguing_with_my_husband_for_the_picture/
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2022-04-20 23:13:06
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yta. unless you go through society with a veil on, people are going to see your face, so the privacy argument seems far-fetched. what is the problem?
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yta. i just read that twice and i don’t…understand what exactly you’re mad about
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besides clearly yta. i like how you tried to slip
in that you “searched through his call logs to find your number”. nice try. why wouldn’t you just go to contacts? my guess is you went in searching for something to get mad at him about, when you didn’t find anything, you decided to fight about your photo because you’re so mental you were desperate to shit on him for something.
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info: are you in witness protection and/or on the run from the feds?
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yta and i am so baffled by why you’re angry that i can’t give you feedback beyond that. i mean… really?
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is this a joke? you think your husband keeping pictures of you violates your privacy?
yta
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yta. i believe he can put an emoji as your contact picture. maybe one like this 💩💩💩
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>> i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i *keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them*
so, who are you hiding your husband from? this sounds beyond sketch.
yta. your overreaction to him having your *face as your contact photo* in your phone is way over the top and, to be honest, suspicious.
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yta - he’s not allowed to have photos of you??? he needs permission to have photos of his wife??? to set your picture, something only he (or those he allows access to his phone) will see??? you only keep photos of him in a private app???
you are definitely the ah, and a very paranoid one. do you have some deeper issues going on? this isn’t normal behavior, and it might be beneficial for you to talk about this with a professional. this *is* controlling behavior, and if it stems from a place of paranoia, it’s best for you to do all you can to work on it.
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[removed]
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 《throwaway》. my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before. yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much. info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
《throwaway》. my husband bought a new phone last week. before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn't have many features. i was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he's never seen before. yesterday morning. i couldn't find my phone before i went to work.i woke him up to ask him to call me so i could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself. i took his phone, opened the call log and searched for my contact number. i saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. i was mad i woke him up again to ask why he did it. he said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. i told him i didn't give him permission and he should've asked if i was comfortable with having my picture there. he said i have a ton of pictures of him in my phone but i keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, i'm protecting his privacy. besides, that i got his permission for every single picture before saving them. i demanded he remove it but he fought back and said i'm being bossy and controlling. i told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn't a huge deal and that i should chill. i snapped and said i wasn't going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. he said "gtfo it's not like i put nudes in there" but still. we fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how i keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it's become too much. info. i live in an area far from home and i don't know anyone here yet and i was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo. [/INST] yta. unless you go through society with a veil on, people are going to see your face, so the privacy argument seems far-fetched. what is the problem? </s>
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AITA for not wanting to meet the family of the person that donated their organs of which I received one?
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i received an organ transplant a few years ago. the donator's sister contacted me through facebook and asked to meet the "person where xxx lives on". while i am extremely thankful for receiving an organ, even if it was through the death of someone else, i really don't want to meet these people. the way she frames it, i kind of expect to meet the whole fucking family. they offered to pay for transportation, but i really don't want to meet them for what i assume will be an emotional time for them.
| 2,410
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/crqzy0/aita_for_not_wanting_to_meet_the_family_of_the/
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2019-08-17 19:49:55
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nah
but if there is any way that you can muster up the courage to do it, you really should go. it would mean the world to these people.
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nah, but gun to my head, yta. i don't think you have any obligation to meet these people, but it seems like it would mean a lot to them and it's a pretty small concession to make. also, you didn't give any reasons why you don't want to meet them (other than, i guess, the sheer inconvenience?).
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nta
my brother in law was an organ donor. my sister told the transplant people that if the recipients wanted to contact her they could and it was clearly explained that the vast majority of recipients didn't contact the donors family and she would not be given any details of the recipients.
a few months later, she received a letter from the woman who had received bils heart briefly saying thank you and that was it. there was no return address so sis couldn't reply.
i don't think you are under any obligation to respond or meet them and i find it unusual that they found out who you are as they told my sister that it was all totally confidential, neither party would ever know who the others were someone somewhere has given out your medical records to a stranger
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nah
it's fine that they asked, but it's equally fine that you don't want to do it. (i wouldn't meet them either, for what it's worth - feels kinda creepy)
they would be assholes if they pushed you on it, or tried to make you feel bad for declining.
send a message back that lets them know you don't want to meet up, but that you're grateful for what you received.
something like:
"hi there
i'm not able to meet with you in person, but i wanted to let you know how grateful i am for what i have received.
ever since the surgery, i've been able to [thing you can do now], and [other benefits etc] which is just amazing.
please pass on my thanks to the other members of your family, and i wish you all the best in the future."
then see what happens.
if you get one polite reply back and nothing else? great.
if they do anything else? try to guilt-trip or berate you for refusing to meet them etc?
then block them.
you owe these people nothing.
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nta yes, you received an organ from someone,and yes, the family probably want to feel some sort of connection to the person that donated it, but you are not obligated to. how do they know that you specifically received an organ? if you're in the us, can't that be a hipaa violation?
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nah, but hopefully you can write a really nice letter about your need for privacy and solitude, despite your overwhelming gratitude.
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nta, contact your hospital and ask how the hell this person got your information.
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nah. the family isn’t even supposed actually know who benefited, it’s anonymous. i’m confused as to why people are even is saying yta ..? you donate to save lives, not to demand gratitude / respect from people. that’s beyond ridiculous.
*you* didn’t reach out to them, they *found you* and are basically trying to force you to spend time with them since you “owe them your life.” smh.
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nah. theyre not assholes for asking, but they are misguided. their loved one is dead. they are not living within you. you do not owe them anything.
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nta. obviously you're grateful for the donated organ but you're not the person they're missing. i would be uncomfortable in such an emotionally charged event, especially when i wouldn't know anyone.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.022045
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i received an organ transplant a few years ago. the donator's sister contacted me through facebook and asked to meet the "person where xxx lives on". while i am extremely thankful for receiving an organ, even if it was through the death of someone else, i really don't want to meet these people. the way she frames it, i kind of expect to meet the whole fucking family. they offered to pay for transportation, but i really don't want to meet them for what i assume will be an emotional time for them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i received an organ transplant a few years ago. the donator's sister contacted me through facebook and asked to meet the "person where xxx lives on". while i am extremely thankful for receiving an organ, even if it was through the death of someone else, i really don't want to meet these people. the way she frames it, i kind of expect to meet the whole fucking family. they offered to pay for transportation, but i really don't want to meet them for what i assume will be an emotional time for them. [/INST] nah but if there is any way that you can muster up the courage to do it, you really should go. it would mean the world to these people. </s>
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AITA for pointing out a pattern I've noticed with my MIL?
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my mil lies a loooooot. most of her lies are to get out of seeing us, which hey i'm all for boundaries, but i think she needs to grow the hell up and state her boundaries. she says she's sick and then posts on social media that she's out. she says she is skipping the holidays this year, but has her other kids at her house. she said she was having a courthouse wedding and again totally forgets we can see her social media and posted pictures from her vineyard wedding with probably 30-40 people. at this point i have totally dropped the rope with her.
i've known mil since i was 18, so 15 years in total and i've noticed something about holidays, she only invites us to holidays on years we do something for her birthday. i've noticed it for a while, but couldn't be sure, but i've really given it some thought and that is always the common denominator.
i've told my husband that she is his mom and it's his responsibility. i refuse to pitch in for a woman who dislikes me, and just because he is a man doesn't mean he can't buy a birthday present or make a reservation. most years he screws it up, but that's on him. i do go all out for my mom and i think mil might be aware. they are somewhat in the same social group, not friends but their husbands are. mil never says anything, but the years we don't do anything for her birthday are the years she lies about skipping the holidays.
we saw her the other day and the topic of the holidays came up. my husband actually did do something for her birthday this year, and mil was straightforward and invited us over for thanksgiving. i made a joke that she must have liked her birthday present this year, and she acted confused but she made a face and i could tell she knew what i meant. i told her i'd noticed the pattern, and explained what it was. my 11 year old asked if she really did that and laughed because she clearly thought it was ridiculous. mil just rolled her eyes and went to do something in the kitchen. a couple minutes later mil's husband came over and told me to "get the fuck out" i was confused that was she really that upset over me pointing it out, and he started yelling at me that she didn't say it he did and i better get the fuck out of his house and take my kids.
my husband was furious at him for talking like that and we left. he called mil and asked if she was really upset and she said i did that to embarrass her because she doesn't express herself, and she doesn't care if it seems petty on the outside, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation. she then hung up on him.
| 1,783
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qr482o/aita_for_pointing_out_a_pattern_ive_noticed_with/
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2021-11-10 21:07:31
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esh -
(in no particular order)
you for being sherlock holmes and solving the case in front of your 11 year old - in an obvious attempt to shame mil.
mil for being petty about invites, etc
mil husband for kicking you out of house like you just committed murder
your husband for screwing up birthday gifts or reservation. how hard is that really?
&#x200b;
i would not be surprised if your 11 year old is more mature than all 4 of you put together.
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she didn't invite her own son and grandchildren to her wedding?? that seems like a pretty clear message.
this is all really strange, but nta, i guess?
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she hasn't "totally forgotten" anything. she has a running tally in her head. it's a narcissist thing. and an incredibly passive aggressive thing. she knows you're seeing her posts after saying she can't do anything with you - it's your "punishment." you are "rewarded" with her presence at christmas only when you deserve it, by doing something for her birthday.
god she sounds exhausting! but most self-important people are. it has nothing to do with her "not expressing herself." it has to do with her judging and criticizing and generally being the one making everything awkward and uncomfortable for everyone, then pretending it has nothing to do with her, everyone else has a problem, not her! and how dare you suggest otherwise!
narcissists have incredibly fragile egos, and you pretty much ripped hers out, threw it on the ground, pissed on it, and then watched while your daughter did the same. (well done, btw! i can't imagine anyone more deserving of that! lol) you also just seriously complicated fils life too, and he isn't looking forward to the constant damage control he is going to have to do every time you and your family come up. make no mistake: it's all about mil. and it always will be.
there's plenty of information about narcissists online - read a bit and see what you think. if you really do want to have her in your lives you are going to have to do a herculean amount of work, and it will be never-ending. narcissists are never wrong, they have extremely sensitive feelings, and you will always be on the defensive with her. choose wisely - this may be the ideal time to make your escape!
nta, and remember: you can never win with a narcissist.
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nta but that’s hilarious. mil is petty af and she’s furious you’ve picked up on it. she doesn’t lie too well haha
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nta
lmao your mil and fil are mad that her game was discovered. she has literally made a game out of not inviting you and your children to normal family functions. someone that entitled deserves to get called out every now and then.
though with your fil's blowup, i'd probably avoid them for a while. that was way out-of-line, even if they did think you were rude.
|
esh. you should have pulled her aside to talk to her about it. super inappropriate to even make jokes about it in front of your kids. now they might have a bad view of grandma.
mil and fil suck 1) for only inviting you to things when you get/do something for mil bday 2) for yelling at you and kicking you out of the house in front of your kids and in general.
info: have you told your husband about your suspicion beforehand? if so what did he say about it?
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are you saying that, because you didn’t get her a birthday gift, you didn’t get an invite to her wedding? her own son and his family?
clearly there are issues between you all. i think you should just skip any family holidays from now on.
you’re nta for pointing out the pattern but esh for the general behaviour
|
this post seems wildly one sided. just the way you word things makes me want to say y.t.a. because based on your comments you hate her because she's not super friendly and outgoing towards anyone. i wish i could hear her side, because honestly you sound insufferable.
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nta. the trash took itself out. now you can start fun traditions with your own kids and your side of the family. be happy that you are rid of this petty, passive-aggressive child who is trapped in a woman's body.
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esh talk to her about it alone, not infront of her grandchild, kids shouldn’t be dragged into adult’s disputes. your husband sucks for not just getting her birthday presents every year. your mil too for making her love conditional and making it obvious that you are being snubbed. your fil for acting the way he did, especially infront of a child.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.176777
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mil lies a loooooot. most of her lies are to get out of seeing us, which hey i'm all for boundaries, but i think she needs to grow the hell up and state her boundaries. she says she's sick and then posts on social media that she's out. she says she is skipping the holidays this year, but has her other kids at her house. she said she was having a courthouse wedding and again totally forgets we can see her social media and posted pictures from her vineyard wedding with probably 30-40 people. at this point i have totally dropped the rope with her. i've known mil since i was 18, so 15 years in total and i've noticed something about holidays, she only invites us to holidays on years we do something for her birthday. i've noticed it for a while, but couldn't be sure, but i've really given it some thought and that is always the common denominator. i've told my husband that she is his mom and it's his responsibility. i refuse to pitch in for a woman who dislikes me, and just because he is a man doesn't mean he can't buy a birthday present or make a reservation. most years he screws it up, but that's on him. i do go all out for my mom and i think mil might be aware. they are somewhat in the same social group, not friends but their husbands are. mil never says anything, but the years we don't do anything for her birthday are the years she lies about skipping the holidays. we saw her the other day and the topic of the holidays came up. my husband actually did do something for her birthday this year, and mil was straightforward and invited us over for thanksgiving. i made a joke that she must have liked her birthday present this year, and she acted confused but she made a face and i could tell she knew what i meant. i told her i'd noticed the pattern, and explained what it was. my 11 year old asked if she really did that and laughed because she clearly thought it was ridiculous. mil just rolled her eyes and went to do something in the kitchen. a couple minutes later mil's husband came over and told me to "get the fuck out" i was confused that was she really that upset over me pointing it out, and he started yelling at me that she didn't say it he did and i better get the fuck out of his house and take my kids. my husband was furious at him for talking like that and we left. he called mil and asked if she was really upset and she said i did that to embarrass her because she doesn't express herself, and she doesn't care if it seems petty on the outside, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation. she then hung up on him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mil lies a loooooot. most of her lies are to get out of seeing us, which hey i'm all for boundaries, but i think she needs to grow the hell up and state her boundaries. she says she's sick and then posts on social media that she's out. she says she is skipping the holidays this year, but has her other kids at her house. she said she was having a courthouse wedding and again totally forgets we can see her social media and posted pictures from her vineyard wedding with probably 30-40 people. at this point i have totally dropped the rope with her. i've known mil since i was 18, so 15 years in total and i've noticed something about holidays, she only invites us to holidays on years we do something for her birthday. i've noticed it for a while, but couldn't be sure, but i've really given it some thought and that is always the common denominator. i've told my husband that she is his mom and it's his responsibility. i refuse to pitch in for a woman who dislikes me, and just because he is a man doesn't mean he can't buy a birthday present or make a reservation. most years he screws it up, but that's on him. i do go all out for my mom and i think mil might be aware. they are somewhat in the same social group, not friends but their husbands are. mil never says anything, but the years we don't do anything for her birthday are the years she lies about skipping the holidays. we saw her the other day and the topic of the holidays came up. my husband actually did do something for her birthday this year, and mil was straightforward and invited us over for thanksgiving. i made a joke that she must have liked her birthday present this year, and she acted confused but she made a face and i could tell she knew what i meant. i told her i'd noticed the pattern, and explained what it was. my 11 year old asked if she really did that and laughed because she clearly thought it was ridiculous. mil just rolled her eyes and went to do something in the kitchen. a couple minutes later mil's husband came over and told me to "get the fuck out" i was confused that was she really that upset over me pointing it out, and he started yelling at me that she didn't say it he did and i better get the fuck out of his house and take my kids. my husband was furious at him for talking like that and we left. he called mil and asked if she was really upset and she said i did that to embarrass her because she doesn't express herself, and she doesn't care if it seems petty on the outside, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation. she then hung up on him. [/INST] esh - (in no particular order) you for being sherlock holmes and solving the case in front of your 11 year old - in an obvious attempt to shame mil. mil for being petty about invites, etc mil husband for kicking you out of house like you just committed murder your husband for screwing up birthday gifts or reservation. how hard is that really? &#x200b; i would not be surprised if your 11 year old is more mature than all 4 of you put together. </s>
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AITA for getting angry with my friend for telling me her boyfriend is bi?
|
ok, me (f22) and my university friend and our other friend are a little trio and we're really close, and have been since first year. it still took me up to two years to tell them that i'm bisexual. they took it really well and nothing in our friendship group has changed, except for the fact they're always trying to encourage me to date girls. which i find sweet, it's fine.
but recently, we were drinking a bit of wine and my friend tearfully confesses that her boyfriend is also bi, and asked me a bunch of questions as i 'understand' him - will he dump her to experiment, does he really like her, etc... i was, at the time, very patient and explained that these stereotypes shouldn't get into her head. they've been in a solid relationship since high school and he's really happy with her; fully planning on settling down with her in the future... but the next day, i got a bit upset with her for telling me this. because, okay, fair enough - i don't know her boyfriend well, we're from the same city but we don't move in the same circles... but really, she told me even though she said i can't let him know that i know, and that she's not meant to tell anyone and he isn't out. and this really rubbed me up the wrong way and if she couldn't keep his secret, how could i trust her to keep mine? i expressed this to her, and she got offended and said that she trusted me not to tell anyone ever, so why was i making a big deal out of it?
but i feel like the principle of it is wrong and i feel bad for her boyfriend, because he's lost control of who knows if she ever brings it up again after a few drinks, you know?
but am i the asshole for getting mad and am i making a big deal out of nothing? after all, i'm going to keep his secret for him, but i can't help but feel really disappointed in my friend.
| 500
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n71hhe/aita_for_getting_angry_with_my_friend_for_telling/
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2021-05-07 15:43:17
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info: are you mad because of her perception of people who are bisexual? or her outing her bf?
|
nah. i totally get where you’re coming from, she essentially outed her bf. that being said, if she and you are best friends, i don’t think confiding in you is the same as telling a random person her bf is bi. her feelings are important too and it seems like she was scared and worried, whether or not she “should” have been. i’m not sure how she could’ve talked through those feelings with a 3rd party without sharing he’s bi. she asked you not to repeat that info, and it seems like she genuinely trusts you. i understand why you may be upset, and why her bf might be if he ever found out, but i don’t think that makes your friend ta.
|
i think going to a trusted member of the fam to learn, so they can be a good ally/partner doesn’t meet the bar for outing.
however, checking in to make sure she doesn’t confide in other people, wouldn’t go amiss. she confides in a bunch of people—that would be outing.
nah as of now.
|
nta
i once told my girlfriend something in confidence. then one day her friends were over and they started teasing me about it. i stayed silent and it got awkward, i could see my girlfriend was uncomfortable. then her friends turned to her and apologized to her for bringing it up. i still haven't quite forgiven her for this and i sure as shit keep my secrets to myself now.
the thing about a secret you're not supposed to tell anybody is that it gets ruined when you tell somebody. your friend told you a secret you shouldn't know. you are absolutely right in thinking she will tell others.
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nah. i can see why her telling you think would make you uncomfortable. i can also see why your friend felt the need confide in someone. a lot of the time we ask someone to keep a secret without really thinking about what carrying that alone can do to someone. don't get me wrong, going around blabbling people's secrets isn't cool, but there's no denying that there are some things that are hard to keep to yourself. what your friend should have done is talk to her bf about how this was affecting her, then explain that she really needed to offload these feelings onto a friend. her bf coming out as bi may not seem like a big deal but it's important to remember that anxieties are rarely rational.
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yta, but i understand where you're coming from.
she did out her bf but she did so to you, a trusted friend, who, importantly: is also bi.
she had every reason to believe you would not react negatively, or use that information maliciously and genuinely wanted advice from someone who could maybe empathise with her bf.
she wasn't being cruel and she didn't do any harm, she was just trying to reach out to someone.
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nah
|
> that she trusted me not to tell anyone ever
so did her boyfriend. where did that trust land him after she drank a few glasses of wine again?
nta, don't out other's sexual preference when they haven't themselves.
| null | null |
INFO
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.234171
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, me (f22) and my university friend and our other friend are a little trio and we're really close, and have been since first year. it still took me up to two years to tell them that i'm bisexual. they took it really well and nothing in our friendship group has changed, except for the fact they're always trying to encourage me to date girls. which i find sweet, it's fine. but recently, we were drinking a bit of wine and my friend tearfully confesses that her boyfriend is also bi, and asked me a bunch of questions as i 'understand' him - will he dump her to experiment, does he really like her, etc... i was, at the time, very patient and explained that these stereotypes shouldn't get into her head. they've been in a solid relationship since high school and he's really happy with her; fully planning on settling down with her in the future... but the next day, i got a bit upset with her for telling me this. because, okay, fair enough - i don't know her boyfriend well, we're from the same city but we don't move in the same circles... but really, she told me even though she said i can't let him know that i know, and that she's not meant to tell anyone and he isn't out. and this really rubbed me up the wrong way and if she couldn't keep his secret, how could i trust her to keep mine? i expressed this to her, and she got offended and said that she trusted me not to tell anyone ever, so why was i making a big deal out of it? but i feel like the principle of it is wrong and i feel bad for her boyfriend, because he's lost control of who knows if she ever brings it up again after a few drinks, you know? but am i the asshole for getting mad and am i making a big deal out of nothing? after all, i'm going to keep his secret for him, but i can't help but feel really disappointed in my friend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok, me (f22) and my university friend and our other friend are a little trio and we're really close, and have been since first year. it still took me up to two years to tell them that i'm bisexual. they took it really well and nothing in our friendship group has changed, except for the fact they're always trying to encourage me to date girls. which i find sweet, it's fine. but recently, we were drinking a bit of wine and my friend tearfully confesses that her boyfriend is also bi, and asked me a bunch of questions as i 'understand' him - will he dump her to experiment, does he really like her, etc... i was, at the time, very patient and explained that these stereotypes shouldn't get into her head. they've been in a solid relationship since high school and he's really happy with her; fully planning on settling down with her in the future... but the next day, i got a bit upset with her for telling me this. because, okay, fair enough - i don't know her boyfriend well, we're from the same city but we don't move in the same circles... but really, she told me even though she said i can't let him know that i know, and that she's not meant to tell anyone and he isn't out. and this really rubbed me up the wrong way and if she couldn't keep his secret, how could i trust her to keep mine? i expressed this to her, and she got offended and said that she trusted me not to tell anyone ever, so why was i making a big deal out of it? but i feel like the principle of it is wrong and i feel bad for her boyfriend, because he's lost control of who knows if she ever brings it up again after a few drinks, you know? but am i the asshole for getting mad and am i making a big deal out of nothing? after all, i'm going to keep his secret for him, but i can't help but feel really disappointed in my friend. [/INST] info: are you mad because of her perception of people who are bisexual? or her outing her bf? </s>
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AITA for being fake and playing nice to reclaim my stolen pets?
|
so last month my former roommate was moving out and in with her new girlfriend. thought it was a little soon but not really my business but back to the main point. one morning my girlfriend who picks me up for work (we share my car) comes up and wakes me up, not only had i overslept but the door to my apartment was hanging open and my two cats were missing. my girlfriend and i searched for an hour to no avail.
for information's sake these two cats were discovered by my former roommate at a gas station in a box beside a dumpster as kittens and she didnt want them so i raised them for about 6 ish months.
anyways i clearly remembered locking the door the previous night so i asked my former roomie if she had come late at night to get a few things and she confirmed she had but thought she had shut the door.
big red flag. i entered her room and saw that nothing was taken from her things that were still there except for a pet carrier she had for a ferret that she had since re-homed. i started suspecting that she had stolen my cats
fast forward a week and my worst suspicions were confirmed by her girlfriend when she reached out to me about some of my former roomies behaviors and issues they were having. i asked her directly where my cats were and she confirmed they had taken them.
heres where my question comes into play: for the ensuing month before my pets were returned to me i played nice to them so that way i could ensure they gave them back but in truth i hold an intense disdain towards them for what happened. they stole my pets from me and to me that is unforgivable. now that they are home i have cut off contact with ex roomie and her girlfriend so of course they are pissed that i was fake to them. am i wrong for being fake only to make sure i got them home?
| 710
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eb3ygm/aita_for_being_fake_and_playing_nice_to_reclaim/
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2019-12-15 20:13:13
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info: so technically, who's pets are they?
what was the agreement for who got custody of the cats when she moved out?
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nta. all's fair in love and war. i hope you've changed the locks.
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nta. you did what you had to do so you could reclaim your pets. not only did this person come in and take your pets, she left the door open, leaving you vulnerable to any intruder or burglar. your former roomie also sounds like a piece of work if her girlfriend is having problems with her so soon after they move in together.
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nta
i read a heartbreaking story about a woman whose dog was stolen by someone she knew...she went to the police, and the thief retaliated by murdering the dog.
you did what you had to.
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nta. they stole your pets so give them the cold shoulder now you have them back. it was better to play safe and be friendly with them till you had them returned than to go full rambo from the get to and never see them again.
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[deleted]
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info, who's pets are they?
if you've all agreed that they're yours, then nta, but if the boundaries are unclear and it's not actually clear who's pets they are then, yta
|
nta i’m glad you got them back. i would have done the same thing, those people are trash
| null | null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.036878
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so last month my former roommate was moving out and in with her new girlfriend. thought it was a little soon but not really my business but back to the main point. one morning my girlfriend who picks me up for work (we share my car) comes up and wakes me up, not only had i overslept but the door to my apartment was hanging open and my two cats were missing. my girlfriend and i searched for an hour to no avail. for information's sake these two cats were discovered by my former roommate at a gas station in a box beside a dumpster as kittens and she didnt want them so i raised them for about 6 ish months. anyways i clearly remembered locking the door the previous night so i asked my former roomie if she had come late at night to get a few things and she confirmed she had but thought she had shut the door. big red flag. i entered her room and saw that nothing was taken from her things that were still there except for a pet carrier she had for a ferret that she had since re-homed. i started suspecting that she had stolen my cats fast forward a week and my worst suspicions were confirmed by her girlfriend when she reached out to me about some of my former roomies behaviors and issues they were having. i asked her directly where my cats were and she confirmed they had taken them. heres where my question comes into play: for the ensuing month before my pets were returned to me i played nice to them so that way i could ensure they gave them back but in truth i hold an intense disdain towards them for what happened. they stole my pets from me and to me that is unforgivable. now that they are home i have cut off contact with ex roomie and her girlfriend so of course they are pissed that i was fake to them. am i wrong for being fake only to make sure i got them home?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so last month my former roommate was moving out and in with her new girlfriend. thought it was a little soon but not really my business but back to the main point. one morning my girlfriend who picks me up for work (we share my car) comes up and wakes me up, not only had i overslept but the door to my apartment was hanging open and my two cats were missing. my girlfriend and i searched for an hour to no avail. for information's sake these two cats were discovered by my former roommate at a gas station in a box beside a dumpster as kittens and she didnt want them so i raised them for about 6 ish months. anyways i clearly remembered locking the door the previous night so i asked my former roomie if she had come late at night to get a few things and she confirmed she had but thought she had shut the door. big red flag. i entered her room and saw that nothing was taken from her things that were still there except for a pet carrier she had for a ferret that she had since re-homed. i started suspecting that she had stolen my cats fast forward a week and my worst suspicions were confirmed by her girlfriend when she reached out to me about some of my former roomies behaviors and issues they were having. i asked her directly where my cats were and she confirmed they had taken them. heres where my question comes into play: for the ensuing month before my pets were returned to me i played nice to them so that way i could ensure they gave them back but in truth i hold an intense disdain towards them for what happened. they stole my pets from me and to me that is unforgivable. now that they are home i have cut off contact with ex roomie and her girlfriend so of course they are pissed that i was fake to them. am i wrong for being fake only to make sure i got them home? [/INST] info: so technically, who's pets are they? what was the agreement for who got custody of the cats when she moved out? </s>
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AITA for wanting to leave everything to my disabled daughter?
|
my daughter (8f) has down syndrome, i adopted her when she was a baby. she’s one of the greatest things in my life.
my boyfriend (33m), who i’ve been dating for 7 months doesn’t like the idea of me leaving my money to my daughter. he wants some of the money to be left to him.
he accused me of “not taking the relationship seriously”. i do take the relationship seriously, i would rather wait until things get more serious to add him to my will. he said “what if you die tomorrow, i won’t have a dollar of it?”.
i told him no, my daughter would be getting everything. he didn’t like that answer and told me she wouldn’t spend it on anything, as she will never buy her own things.
of course she doesn’t buy her own things yet, as she’s only 8, but she is functional and verbal, we’re working on her independence and i know she will be able to do these sorts of things on her own someday.
he hasn’t been mean about it, just really pushy about the money. i don’t know if i should just split so that they can both be happy.
aita?
| 5,147
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihdyg4/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_everything_to_my/
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2020-08-27 03:47:19
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info: are you sure this dude isn’t tryna murder you for your money?!? y’all have only been dating 7 months this is not a normal conversation and especially not something he has a right to be being pushy about....
|
after seeing these comments, i’ve decided to end the relationship and put my daughter first. thank you guys so much.
|
nta. this guy that you've been with for less time than i've had the bra i'm wearing right now wants you to leave him your money after your death. what about your daughter? what does he contribute to her care and upkeep?
i'd bet the answer is zero... which is as it should be since you haven't been together all that long. and if i were you, i'd be also questioning if i want to be with him any longer.
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nta- your daughter comes first. he should understand that. also 7 months is way to early to be asking about wills, he’s being super weird about it.
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what? after seven months, he wants to be in your *will*?! oh, heck no.
he’s accusing you of not taking the relationship seriously? how serious is he — has he bought you a ring, yet? no? well, then.
please see this con artist for what he is. he’s only interested in your money. also, for the love of god, don’t marry him. if something happens to you — and i have a strong feeling it would — he wouldn’t take care of your daughter.
i know people want love but this guy is sending up all kinds of red flags. you can do better and you deserve better.
you’re nta but you would be if you put your daughter in the way of this schemer.
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info: why is your boyfriend being so pushy about this, is he planning to murder you or something? for real, there is no reason or urgency to add someone to your will who you aren't related to or married to. and if he isn't interested in putting your daughter first, then how committed are you two really? if i were deeply committed to someone with a child, in the event of their death i would want to make sure that child was cared for. i would be more concerned with ensuring her custody than taking from her inheritance. his behavior is definitely a big red flag.
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nta- why does your 33 year old boyfriend even know what is in your will? how does this even come up in conversations? and why does he think he has a right to it? i would be scared he was trying to murder me.
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nta
unless you are married, do not change your will.
a grown man should not need your money more than your disabled daughter.
red flag
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nta. he straight up sounds like he plans on murdering you and then your daughter. he doesn't give a shit about you if at 7 months he's more concerned about what happens to your money instead of you. you should leave him
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yta for dating someone who wants to steal your daughter's inheritance after just seven months of dating. fire him out of a cannon.
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
YTA
| 0.135296
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter (8f) has down syndrome, i adopted her when she was a baby. she’s one of the greatest things in my life. my boyfriend (33m), who i’ve been dating for 7 months doesn’t like the idea of me leaving my money to my daughter. he wants some of the money to be left to him. he accused me of “not taking the relationship seriously”. i do take the relationship seriously, i would rather wait until things get more serious to add him to my will. he said “what if you die tomorrow, i won’t have a dollar of it?”. i told him no, my daughter would be getting everything. he didn’t like that answer and told me she wouldn’t spend it on anything, as she will never buy her own things. of course she doesn’t buy her own things yet, as she’s only 8, but she is functional and verbal, we’re working on her independence and i know she will be able to do these sorts of things on her own someday. he hasn’t been mean about it, just really pushy about the money. i don’t know if i should just split so that they can both be happy. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (8f) has down syndrome, i adopted her when she was a baby. she’s one of the greatest things in my life. my boyfriend (33m), who i’ve been dating for 7 months doesn’t like the idea of me leaving my money to my daughter. he wants some of the money to be left to him. he accused me of “not taking the relationship seriously”. i do take the relationship seriously, i would rather wait until things get more serious to add him to my will. he said “what if you die tomorrow, i won’t have a dollar of it?”. i told him no, my daughter would be getting everything. he didn’t like that answer and told me she wouldn’t spend it on anything, as she will never buy her own things. of course she doesn’t buy her own things yet, as she’s only 8, but she is functional and verbal, we’re working on her independence and i know she will be able to do these sorts of things on her own someday. he hasn’t been mean about it, just really pushy about the money. i don’t know if i should just split so that they can both be happy. aita? [/INST] info: are you sure this dude isn’t tryna murder you for your money?!? y’all have only been dating 7 months this is not a normal conversation and especially not something he has a right to be being pushy about.... </s>
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WIBTA if I got rid of the gift my MIL gave my daughter?
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i have a two year old autistic daughter, who loves stuffies, but is very particular about what stuffies she’ll accept. honestly, her rejection rate is like 99.9 and she only had one ratty old dirty stuffy she’s had since she was a baby. yesterday, my mother in law popped by with an “early christmas gift” for her. i allowed my baby to open the gift early. inside was an adorable pastel pink bear, with a floral dress and pink hair ribbon. it had that soft, stringy fur, and she fell in love instantly.
i noticed it faintly smelled funny, almost like the inside of a bbq pit, but when i mentioned it mil said she’d washed the toy, and it looked spotless, so i let it go. plus,i was so pleased to have finally found her a new stuffy! i asked mil where she’d bought it so i could purchase some more from the same company, and mil just sort of vaguely stated she’d got it from a friend. i asked which friend, and if she could ask where she had gotten the bear. after some more prodding, mil admitted she’d gotten the toy from a woman who’s twin daughters room had caught on f-ing fire, killing one of the 10 month olds, and leaving the other in a coma in this hospital.
obviously, i flip tf out and snatch the bear away and throw it back at mil, demanding she take it back and how dare she give it to my daughter. mil said it wasn’t a big deal and the toy shouldn’t be wasted, look how much dd loves it. which was true, dd was now screaming and kicking and completely unconsolable. i told mil she needed to gtfo, and she quickly tossed the toy onto the sofa and hal ass ran out my apartment. dd has been screaming and crying all day to the point that she’s hoarse. i don’t know what to do, but i know i’m not comfortable w dd playing with the toy knowing it’s history. but something feels so wrong about throwing it out, too. idk what to do at this point. wibta if i threw the toy out?
| 597
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r72170/wibta_if_i_got_rid_of_the_gift_my_mil_gave_my/
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2021-12-02 07:35:59
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info
is this a smoke damage concern, or more of a superstitious concern?
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nta
smoke from house fires carry carcinogens. if your kid is the sort of kid who likes to have their toys up in their faces where they can breathe in the smell, it probably isn't wise to give them a toy that still smells like smoke even if it's been washed.
it's also in bad taste to give a gift which belonged to a kid who died under those circumstances unless it's a collector's item and you know the recipient is fine with that sort of history. not everyone is though and that's why mil concealed the truth - she knew you wouldn't allow it so she tried to be deceitful through omission.
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nta a bear that "witnessed" the death of a literal baby and still smells of smoke of the fire is not an appropriate suprise gift. it's not inherently evil to pass on a toy from a child that passed to a new home (though i would be concerned about the smoke) it's one of those things that is going to illucite a different feeling in everyone. one person may find it beautiful and uplifting, another may be offended, the next distressed and yet another may not care- your mil should have called to check, but given that she tried to avoid telling you she probably had an inkling you wouldn't like it, thus why she is the asshole.
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nta, that bear could have dangerous particulates on it even after being washed.
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nta anything salvageable from a house fire should be carefully and professionally cleaned. since most children put toys in their mouth it could be dangerous for your daughter because of the chemicals that it has most likely absorbed [what to do after a house fire](https://jenkinsrestorations.com/7-things-to-do-after-a-house-fire/#step6)
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nah
i can see both sides. i understand not wanting your child to play with a toy that belonged to a deceased baby, but i can also see why mil would see it as a non issue.
maybe try doing an image search and see if you can’t find the same bear brand new. that way your kid gets the doll they want, and you can sleep easy at night. as for the the one you have now, well… considering the mother gave it away, it’s safe to assume which child it belonged to. maybe you can do a nice burial for it, or - shitty as it sounds - pass it on to someone else but omit the child death part. good luck op.
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op i hope you give credit to your mil for finding a stuffy your daughter loves, even if you had to buy a replacement. after all you did mention that you bought every version you could find, and hoped to find a larger one.
i think your mils heart was in the right place.
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nta but in fairness to mil, she may have a reduced sense of smell, so she may have thought she had cleaned it better than she did.
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nta she should have had it professionally cleaned before giving it to your child at the very least. it's kind of shitty to give a kid a secondhand gift for christmas, but i understand that people give what they can manage. but as long as she didn't literally steal it from the dead kid's room, i do think you got upset with her for the wrong reason.
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nah. i’m with those that mention possible carcinogenic issues being a problem. but when it comes to the traumatic past aspect, i’m curious, when people buy second hand items, do they really think all the items have a wholesome past? or is it that ignorance is bliss so as long as you don’t know, it’s okay.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.016912
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a two year old autistic daughter, who loves stuffies, but is very particular about what stuffies she’ll accept. honestly, her rejection rate is like 99.9 and she only had one ratty old dirty stuffy she’s had since she was a baby. yesterday, my mother in law popped by with an “early christmas gift” for her. i allowed my baby to open the gift early. inside was an adorable pastel pink bear, with a floral dress and pink hair ribbon. it had that soft, stringy fur, and she fell in love instantly. i noticed it faintly smelled funny, almost like the inside of a bbq pit, but when i mentioned it mil said she’d washed the toy, and it looked spotless, so i let it go. plus,i was so pleased to have finally found her a new stuffy! i asked mil where she’d bought it so i could purchase some more from the same company, and mil just sort of vaguely stated she’d got it from a friend. i asked which friend, and if she could ask where she had gotten the bear. after some more prodding, mil admitted she’d gotten the toy from a woman who’s twin daughters room had caught on f-ing fire, killing one of the 10 month olds, and leaving the other in a coma in this hospital. obviously, i flip tf out and snatch the bear away and throw it back at mil, demanding she take it back and how dare she give it to my daughter. mil said it wasn’t a big deal and the toy shouldn’t be wasted, look how much dd loves it. which was true, dd was now screaming and kicking and completely unconsolable. i told mil she needed to gtfo, and she quickly tossed the toy onto the sofa and hal ass ran out my apartment. dd has been screaming and crying all day to the point that she’s hoarse. i don’t know what to do, but i know i’m not comfortable w dd playing with the toy knowing it’s history. but something feels so wrong about throwing it out, too. idk what to do at this point. wibta if i threw the toy out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a two year old autistic daughter, who loves stuffies, but is very particular about what stuffies she’ll accept. honestly, her rejection rate is like 99.9 and she only had one ratty old dirty stuffy she’s had since she was a baby. yesterday, my mother in law popped by with an “early christmas gift” for her. i allowed my baby to open the gift early. inside was an adorable pastel pink bear, with a floral dress and pink hair ribbon. it had that soft, stringy fur, and she fell in love instantly. i noticed it faintly smelled funny, almost like the inside of a bbq pit, but when i mentioned it mil said she’d washed the toy, and it looked spotless, so i let it go. plus,i was so pleased to have finally found her a new stuffy! i asked mil where she’d bought it so i could purchase some more from the same company, and mil just sort of vaguely stated she’d got it from a friend. i asked which friend, and if she could ask where she had gotten the bear. after some more prodding, mil admitted she’d gotten the toy from a woman who’s twin daughters room had caught on f-ing fire, killing one of the 10 month olds, and leaving the other in a coma in this hospital. obviously, i flip tf out and snatch the bear away and throw it back at mil, demanding she take it back and how dare she give it to my daughter. mil said it wasn’t a big deal and the toy shouldn’t be wasted, look how much dd loves it. which was true, dd was now screaming and kicking and completely unconsolable. i told mil she needed to gtfo, and she quickly tossed the toy onto the sofa and hal ass ran out my apartment. dd has been screaming and crying all day to the point that she’s hoarse. i don’t know what to do, but i know i’m not comfortable w dd playing with the toy knowing it’s history. but something feels so wrong about throwing it out, too. idk what to do at this point. wibta if i threw the toy out? [/INST] info is this a smoke damage concern, or more of a superstitious concern? </s>
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AITA for sharing my boyfriend’s fetish with his parents.
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me(18m) and my boyfriend(20m) live together, we’ve been together for 2 years. his parents visit us few times a month. every damn time they visit us they make comment about my skin, i’m extremely pale, almost white. at first i just laughed it off, but then it got irritating. they could tell that i wad clearly uncomfortable and still continued making comments.
the thing is, my boyfriend has a thing for pale skin. so few days ago they visited us again, his mom made comment about my skin 2 times and i answered with “yeah, your son has fetish for it”. my boyfriend just chuckled, they got really quiet and didn’t talk to me for rest of the night. they left, they told my boyfriend that they felt disrespected and i was extremely inappropriate and immature. my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s a big deal but he says it was a little immature.
| 8,565
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4coah/aita_for_sharing_my_boyfriends_fetish_with_his/
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2019-09-14 23:19:07
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esh
they are rude to constantly comment on something you can’t help but fetishes aren’t exactly something most people talk about publicly and even if it was a joke it’d be more appropriate with friends than parents.
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esh
they shouldn't criticize you for your looks, especially not for something like the tone of your skin.
you could have handled it better: "your son likes it" sounds already much better than "he has a fetish for it", especially as i am pretty sure that it isn't really a fetish.
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why would you not just say he likes it???? what??? what brought you to say “fetish?!?” thats fucking weird!
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esh. i think you could have told them politely you don't like their comments...
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esh. they shouldn't make so many comments about your skin tone, but you knew saying that the way you phrased it would make everyone awkward and uncomfortable.
at least they know to not mention it anymore.
edit grammar.
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esh. they slapped lightly and you punched back. they did start it. basically you both suck, nonetheless i’m on your side.
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esh. they seem to be fixated on your skin, but parents don’t want to hear about a fetish.
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nta. you probably didn't handle it ideally and likely in a more awkward way than necessary but they shouldn't keep making comments about your appearance without expecting some sort of negative response.
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nta. they need to take a hint.
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yta. i'd go everyone sucks, but you're the obvious asshole in this situation for throwing your bf under the bus for no reason.
also did you ever like, ask them to stop? or did you just keep laughing it off and assuming they could tell you were 'clearly uncomfortable.'
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.406083
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me(18m) and my boyfriend(20m) live together, we’ve been together for 2 years. his parents visit us few times a month. every damn time they visit us they make comment about my skin, i’m extremely pale, almost white. at first i just laughed it off, but then it got irritating. they could tell that i wad clearly uncomfortable and still continued making comments. the thing is, my boyfriend has a thing for pale skin. so few days ago they visited us again, his mom made comment about my skin 2 times and i answered with “yeah, your son has fetish for it”. my boyfriend just chuckled, they got really quiet and didn’t talk to me for rest of the night. they left, they told my boyfriend that they felt disrespected and i was extremely inappropriate and immature. my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s a big deal but he says it was a little immature.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me(18m) and my boyfriend(20m) live together, we’ve been together for 2 years. his parents visit us few times a month. every damn time they visit us they make comment about my skin, i’m extremely pale, almost white. at first i just laughed it off, but then it got irritating. they could tell that i wad clearly uncomfortable and still continued making comments. the thing is, my boyfriend has a thing for pale skin. so few days ago they visited us again, his mom made comment about my skin 2 times and i answered with “yeah, your son has fetish for it”. my boyfriend just chuckled, they got really quiet and didn’t talk to me for rest of the night. they left, they told my boyfriend that they felt disrespected and i was extremely inappropriate and immature. my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s a big deal but he says it was a little immature. [/INST] esh they are rude to constantly comment on something you can’t help but fetishes aren’t exactly something most people talk about publicly and even if it was a joke it’d be more appropriate with friends than parents. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she would have been a terrible mother?
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i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them.
me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that.
so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.”
miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford.
i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back.
she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita?
| 17,206
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qxfus7/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_would_have_been_a/
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2021-11-19 13:08:05
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yta. you went way too far with that comment. shame on you. and miranda is completely right. it’s her money that she earned. she has absolutely no obligation to give her money away if she doesn’t want too. you and your family expecting miranda to give her money to her sister that can’t afford her lifestyle is greedy. yes your sister alice kept having kids, it was her choice to keep having them. no one owes your sister anything because of the choices she made, especially her sister.
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yta
your parents are also ah's.
your sister alice is also an ah.
just because miranda can afford to take care of alice's children doesn't mean it's her responsibility. who are you to need to understand what miranda does on the weekends or what she spends her earnings on? it's not fair??? miranda is right.
alice is old enough to understand how to use condoms. if she's struggling with money at the 3rd kid, then struggling more at the 4th then why the hell did she get pregnant with a 5th? there's the selfish sibling for you and its not miranda, wakey wakey. alice is the one who seems to expect the rest of the world has to provide for the kids she keeps irresponsibly having.
btw you are not just cruel for what you said. you're also entitled and childish. you made an active decision to help alice and her kids. either you do so selflessly or you choose to stop, but you don't cry about "that's not fair" when someone else makes a different choice than you with their own time and money.
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yta. and very condescending as well:
"well, she works long hours, *but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends*. she also doesn’t help out financially, *which i find unfair, since she makes so much money*"
on weekends, she probably has a wonderful time doing hobbies, spending time with friends, or just vegging and watching tv. what she's *not* doing is wiping little noses, changing diapers, listening to temper tantrums, cleaning up messes, or mediating childish spats. some people enjoy that and some don't. her life sounds admirable and pleasant. alice on the other hand has 5 kids, no career, isn't even married, and struggles financially. my guess is miranda doesn't want to waste a lot of her hard earned money on alice, who shows no signs of improving her lot in life or becoming stable and independent.
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yta, in a big way. your sister is 100% right about alice and her choices. your comment was unspeakably cruel. i feel terrible for miranda. she’s done well for herself and instead of being happy for her, her family seems to think she needs to be a cash cow for her sister’s choices.
you need to apologize to your sister asap. if she doesn’t want to speak to you again, you need to respect that and back off. you really messed up here.
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yta, a big one.
miranda said it best:
>she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences.
you, your parents, and alice have a lot of nerve expecting miranda to support alice's poor choices. not one of you are entitled to a penny of her money. it is also none of your business what she does/doesn't do on weekends.
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oh wow. miranda is 100% right and yta.
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yup, yta. that was an extremely low and hurtful blow. and your sister has no obligation to spend her hard earned money on anyone else. you have no idea what type of history the two sisters have with each other. alice really does sound like she keeps having kids she can't afford. her and her boyfriend are the ones financially responsible. not anyone else. would i ever deny my nieces and nephews necessities? absolutely not. and it doesn't sound like miranda is either. you are the ah and owe her a massive apology.
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yta - a judgmental, unpleasant one at that.
it's not miranda's job to subsidise alice's irresponsible behaviour. if she is already struggling financially, why have another child? oh, because you all keep bailing her out, that's why!
miranda got her s**t together and isn't a burden on anybody else. maybe you should see her as an example instead of the baby-machine sister condemning her kids to poverty.
you owe miranda a huge apology. your comments were apalling.
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yta for your comment. esh as a family to miranda but i would add one thing that i think people are missing here.
op: you are 17 which is old enough to get your ass whooped internet style on aita for being cruel. but you are also still a kid and i think it’s important to look at the **age gap** here. both alice and miranda are quite close in age and then you are so much younger they are pretty much another generation to you right now and had a whole childhood before you arrived. you are the ‘only child with older siblings’ age gap gulf that means you have a totally different sibling and parent dynamic to their upbringing so you honestly have no damned idea what might run deeper.
also alice had her first kid around the age you are now so your niblings are closer in age to you that your siblings who i believe are full sibs right not half with a remarriage? so you don’t really remember much of a time when alice wasn’t having kids and your parents weren’t focusing a lot on alice and their grand kids so it sounds like its been normalized that you as only maybe 5 or 6 years older as uncle have been parentified into caring for or sharing your childhood with your nieces and nephews. alice has been taking your childhood to raise her five kids. your mom and dad were complicit in that and by the sound of it at least expected miranda to pay her dues finanicially by big ticket gifts to you and them if she refused to physically parent any of the minor kids or her sister.
op: miranda set a boundary not to enmesh herself in a toxic situation that you have been done dirty by too. you are the only son so there might be some golden child/scapegoat dynamics here too. but here’s the thing, a gilded cage is still a cage. you are giving up your weekends when you should be studying, dating, making friends, being a teen, having a job and establishing self and independence to look after your sister’s kids that their two parents amd your two parents can’t raise. you are mad at miranda when it’s you who runs the risk of still being at home at alice’s age giving up your life to give her kids your chances and not realising the person here to model yourself on is miranda. she is the person who can also help you disentangle yourself but her attempts to keep herself ‘clean’ of the mess resulted you flinging shit in her face.
and here’s the kicker. miranda can and does survive and thrive without the enmeshed shitshow of your family. she will be just fine without you. but you just fucked yourself and destroyed the one ally you could have had to help you realise you are in a sinking ship. the lifeboat sailed because you didn’t just vent your genuine issues to miranda like an overwhelmed teen might reasonably do and apologised. you went so low and so cruel you sailed her off by cutting the tow rope. the fact you went there when and how you did shows that you had been thinking and sitting on this and she knows that while she kept a spot on her raft for you until she knew, you never had any room for her.
miranda will very likely take this last cut and free herself and create a whole new life without family. you will feel the trappings of this asshole moment forever **because you still don’t think you were wrong. you still think you had a point and she’s overreacting**. you are mad because miranda is exposing your asshole not because you’ve blushed at the realisation you are one. you aren’t apologetic. you are just sorry you kicked your lifeboat too hard and can’t catch it.
at this point continuing to try to contact miranda is not apologising or peacemaking. it’s justification and it comes from the wrong place for her to trust you. you have to leave her be and see if she ever trusts you again by how you act. trust is built with a spoon and broken with a shovel as they say.
while miranda is out of your life you might want to look at the people actually driling holes in your boat though as to why your ass is also wet…
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yta. your parents are too because i'm pretty sure you started developing this opinion because you hear them being entitled and making similar comments. alice's financial straits are largely her own fault although it feels a little harsh to say that. if she was struggling at the beginning with two children, there is no reason she should be about to have a fifth child that she cannot afford. however, her choices are her choices. that doesn't mean miranda needs to cover for her choices by offering up money she has worked hard for. miranda likely realizes that alice will never turn things around if people continue to fund her life for her. no one is ever entitled to help from anyone. miranda seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, she always buys "really nice presents" according to you for all of you which costs a fair bit of money in and of itself. and here you are, backstabbing her by hitting her with the lowest of blows. do not be surprised if your relationship is never the same after this.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them. me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that. so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.” miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford. i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them. me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that. so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.” miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford. i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita? [/INST] yta. you went way too far with that comment. shame on you. and miranda is completely right. it’s her money that she earned. she has absolutely no obligation to give her money away if she doesn’t want too. you and your family expecting miranda to give her money to her sister that can’t afford her lifestyle is greedy. yes your sister alice kept having kids, it was her choice to keep having them. no one owes your sister anything because of the choices she made, especially her sister. </s>
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AITA for defending my son's decision to not invite his friend to his birthday party over a food allergy?
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hi everyone. i won't be going into specifics with regards to names or ages.
so my son has a birthday party every year. at this party, he always has food that consists of one of his favourite flavours of cake, such as chocolate, pineapple etc. this year, he has decided that he wants the theme to be strawberry flavoured food. now, i'm sure most people will agree with me that having birthday parties with a food theme isn't an issue. however, in this case it is.
my son has a friend in his class. this friend has been to every birthday party my son has had. the problem is that this friend has a strawberry allergy, so you can see where the issue would stem from. my son has said that he wants to have a strawberry flavoured food theme for his party, and that his friend likely won't be able to come due to his allergy. i told my son that if that's he wants, then he's allowed to do that, since it is his birthday.
my son told his friend about his plans. according to my son, he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious and that the only reason he wasn't invited was due to his food allergy. according to my friend, his mum thinks i'm being an ass by supporting my son's decision to not invite this friend, since she believes that a birthday party needs to be inclusive.
aita in this case?
| 5,093
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqo6s4/aita_for_defending_my_sons_decision_to_not_invite/
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2021-09-18 15:11:13
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info: need information on the severity of the child's allergy. if smelling strawberries could kill him, you're good. if getting some icing on his hand could kill him, you're good. if he actually has to eat strawberries to be at risk, then you should have made an effort to get him some strawberry-free food and invited him.
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sure sure suuuure, he has a friend with a well known strawberry allergy and this little dude just *happens* to want a strawberry themed birthday. not just a cake, that'd be easily resolvable, but a whole ass *theme*.
lmao if this is how he handles his fights with his friends, it's a super underhanded strategy. "wasn't to be malicious"... come on, no one is stupid enough to believe that.
like yeah, sure it's his birthday so it's whatever but for him to pretend he's not doing it on purpose...!
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yta because you didn’t even think about just buying a damn cupcake of a different flavor for the kid with the allergy. or even contacting the friend’s parents and saying, look, this is the situation, and letting the parents help include their kid. i know plenty of parents who will happily send their kid with a sack lunch or whatever just so the kid isn’t left out.
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yta, even if the kid has a known allergy you invite him. let the mom know about the food and let her decide if he can attend. even if she chooses to keep him home, at least he is included.
but seriously, what an odd choice of party theme. every single year you plan every single item of food at the party around one specific cake flavor? it also at seems like you are doing mental gymnastics around the idea of not inviting this kid. like everything at the party will be strawberry theme, not just the cake? do guests even like this? like is it chicken sandwiches with strawberry salsa and spinach and strawberry salad?
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[deleted]
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yta...you can't buy the kid a $2 cupcake of a different flavor? you're also teaching your kid how to be an asshole instead of instructing him on other, nicer, easier ways of dealing with these situations...
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are you sure this wasn’t a plan on your sons part? kids friendships circles are constantly changing and honestly, kids can be cruel, and make it very clear to another kid that they’re no longer friends. having a strawberry themed birthday party when one of his friends is allergic to strawberries does not seem like a coincidence to me
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i'm sorry, but i think yta. worse yet, i think you are raising your son to be one. you are teaching him that his desires, even something like the theme of his birthday party, are more important than someone else's feelings. it would be one thing if you hadn't known about the other child's allergies, but apparently, you and your son do and don't care. why can't he have a different flavored cake for this party, then strawberry cake at a smaller family party? or, as others have suggested, have food the child with allergies can eat (assuming he can be around strawberries)? i seriously can't understand why having a specific cake flavor is worth hurting someone else's, let alone a child's, feelings. i hope this is a troll.
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>he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious
this seems like it could be a good teaching moment for how you can still hurt someone or hurt their feelings even you "didn't *mean* to," so it's important to think about how your actions affect others. they are singling out and excluding one person. *whatever* the reason is, that's pretty mean.
it's also a matter of deciding what really matters in life. is getting your favorite *food* at one particular event *more* important to you than your friend? the ages here are unknown, and it can hard for young children to fully understand this, but still.
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is there a law i'm unaware of that you have to eat at a birthday party? or one that says you can't provide food other than strawberry whatever at a party?
if you are aware of an allergy, you're ahead of the game. you can serve food his friend can eat if you were so inclined, instead of keeping him away entirely.
yta and your son is getting one less gift, so there's that.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.010352
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi everyone. i won't be going into specifics with regards to names or ages. so my son has a birthday party every year. at this party, he always has food that consists of one of his favourite flavours of cake, such as chocolate, pineapple etc. this year, he has decided that he wants the theme to be strawberry flavoured food. now, i'm sure most people will agree with me that having birthday parties with a food theme isn't an issue. however, in this case it is. my son has a friend in his class. this friend has been to every birthday party my son has had. the problem is that this friend has a strawberry allergy, so you can see where the issue would stem from. my son has said that he wants to have a strawberry flavoured food theme for his party, and that his friend likely won't be able to come due to his allergy. i told my son that if that's he wants, then he's allowed to do that, since it is his birthday. my son told his friend about his plans. according to my son, he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious and that the only reason he wasn't invited was due to his food allergy. according to my friend, his mum thinks i'm being an ass by supporting my son's decision to not invite this friend, since she believes that a birthday party needs to be inclusive. aita in this case?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone. i won't be going into specifics with regards to names or ages. so my son has a birthday party every year. at this party, he always has food that consists of one of his favourite flavours of cake, such as chocolate, pineapple etc. this year, he has decided that he wants the theme to be strawberry flavoured food. now, i'm sure most people will agree with me that having birthday parties with a food theme isn't an issue. however, in this case it is. my son has a friend in his class. this friend has been to every birthday party my son has had. the problem is that this friend has a strawberry allergy, so you can see where the issue would stem from. my son has said that he wants to have a strawberry flavoured food theme for his party, and that his friend likely won't be able to come due to his allergy. i told my son that if that's he wants, then he's allowed to do that, since it is his birthday. my son told his friend about his plans. according to my son, he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious and that the only reason he wasn't invited was due to his food allergy. according to my friend, his mum thinks i'm being an ass by supporting my son's decision to not invite this friend, since she believes that a birthday party needs to be inclusive. aita in this case? [/INST] info: need information on the severity of the child's allergy. if smelling strawberries could kill him, you're good. if getting some icing on his hand could kill him, you're good. if he actually has to eat strawberries to be at risk, then you should have made an effort to get him some strawberry-free food and invited him. </s>
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AITA for getting a cat when my bf didn’t want one?
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my bf and i moved in and he brought his dog along. i didn’t want his dog living with us but i let him because i knew how important his dog was to him. i don’t like dogs in general and i preferred cats, my cat died a few months before we moved in together. i told him my plans of getting a cat when we move in together and he told me “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” which i have no idea what that means. he isn’t fond of cats and didn’t like my old cat. now we’ve been moved in for a few months and i tell him i want another cat, a bunch of kittens got delivered to our local shelter and i want to get one. he tells me no because he hates cats to which i remind him i hate dogs but i let him bring his dog. he told me if i had had a cat to bring before we moved in i could have brought them but now that we are moved in together i can’t ever get one. i’m pissed and go to the shelter to get a kitten. she is the cutest thing and bf dog seems to like her but my bf hates her and want her to be an outside only cat or return her. he is mad that i got her and told me i broke our agreement (inever agreed i won’t get a cat) and told me i was selfish for getting her when he didn’t want cats around.
| 3,881
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opgbwf/aita_for_getting_a_cat_when_my_bf_didnt_want_one/
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2021-07-22 15:38:10
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esh. you two are just not compatible. you should not have accept to move in with him and his dog and he's also the ah for lying to you about the cat. break up.
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esh
"we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" is code for "no," but intentionally gives you hope. that makes him a huge ah.
you can't just bring an animal into a home without the agreement of the other people who live there. yes, your bf is being unfair and selfish, but bringing a cat in without him agreeing makes you an ah as well.
looks like it is time to break the lease. the two of you are not suited to live together.
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you two are not compatible.
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esh
sorry, i think that calling you the sole asshole here absolves your boyfriend of his controlling bullshit behavior. yes, you should not have spitefully gotten a kitten you knew your partner didn't want. that makes you an asshole.
however, a partner does *not* get to *dictate* whether or not their partner can have a pet. he can say he doesn't want a cat or doesn't prefer them, but he cannot *order you* to never get a cat. moreover, your bf knows how much you dislike dogs, but had no problem bringing his dog into your home. i bet when his dog dies, he'll want to adopt another one eventually, too. if you can put aside your dislike of dogs for the sake of his happiness, he can do the same for you with a cat.
this is really something you two should have hashed out prior to moving in. maybe remind him that relationships are all about compromise; your happiness is of equal importance as his. if he can have a pet, so can you (though you both need to agree prior to the purchase of said pet).
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you’re both the assholes…
… and clearly don’t belong together if this is how you guys act over a dog and a cat. neither of those animals deserve that, work out your issues or breakup and live your respective lives
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i mean… esh but i would definitely maybe reconsider the relationship if you want a cat that badly.
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esh: he's being controlling and manipulative because it's pretty clear he never intended to allow you to get a cat. that said, you don't just get a cat and bring it into a situation where one person is hostile towards it. ask him how he's feel if his dog passed and you wouldn't allow him to get another one because you don't like dogs.
keep the cat. leave the boyfriend. problem solved.
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nta. keep the cat, return the boyfriend
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esh, especially your boyfriend.
he was wrong to lie to you the first time you asked, saying "we'll see" while he meant "never", and now he's being an ass a out it, planning on mistreating the kitten (by forcing her to live outside basically).
you were wrong to go behing his back and get a cat he didn't want.
i don't think that is a very healthy dynamic for a relationship.
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esh
he was really dishonest when you told him you would get a cat and he didn't tell you that he already knew that he would not ever let you
a pet is still a one no is a no situation
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.234475
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my bf and i moved in and he brought his dog along. i didn’t want his dog living with us but i let him because i knew how important his dog was to him. i don’t like dogs in general and i preferred cats, my cat died a few months before we moved in together. i told him my plans of getting a cat when we move in together and he told me “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” which i have no idea what that means. he isn’t fond of cats and didn’t like my old cat. now we’ve been moved in for a few months and i tell him i want another cat, a bunch of kittens got delivered to our local shelter and i want to get one. he tells me no because he hates cats to which i remind him i hate dogs but i let him bring his dog. he told me if i had had a cat to bring before we moved in i could have brought them but now that we are moved in together i can’t ever get one. i’m pissed and go to the shelter to get a kitten. she is the cutest thing and bf dog seems to like her but my bf hates her and want her to be an outside only cat or return her. he is mad that i got her and told me i broke our agreement (inever agreed i won’t get a cat) and told me i was selfish for getting her when he didn’t want cats around.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my bf and i moved in and he brought his dog along. i didn’t want his dog living with us but i let him because i knew how important his dog was to him. i don’t like dogs in general and i preferred cats, my cat died a few months before we moved in together. i told him my plans of getting a cat when we move in together and he told me “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” which i have no idea what that means. he isn’t fond of cats and didn’t like my old cat. now we’ve been moved in for a few months and i tell him i want another cat, a bunch of kittens got delivered to our local shelter and i want to get one. he tells me no because he hates cats to which i remind him i hate dogs but i let him bring his dog. he told me if i had had a cat to bring before we moved in i could have brought them but now that we are moved in together i can’t ever get one. i’m pissed and go to the shelter to get a kitten. she is the cutest thing and bf dog seems to like her but my bf hates her and want her to be an outside only cat or return her. he is mad that i got her and told me i broke our agreement (inever agreed i won’t get a cat) and told me i was selfish for getting her when he didn’t want cats around. [/INST] esh. you two are just not compatible. you should not have accept to move in with him and his dog and he's also the ah for lying to you about the cat. break up. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my future husband lie about the house he and I purchased during his 'groom speech'?
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my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on.
my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on.
he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on?
[edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
| 25,589
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vdjwom/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_future_husband_lie/
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2022-06-16 11:34:09
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nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already
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>i reminded him of how much i contributed buy said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did.
am i reading this sentence correctly, he is saying it shouldn't matter to you if you both bought it? but it's ok for it to matter to him so much that he's going to announce it to both your families and your wider social circle at the wedding? whoo, the hypocrisy...
imo this is a hill worth dying on. yes, on the surface level it's "just" words in a speech. but the deeper issue is that he does not value your massive contribution to your shared life, and he wants to paint a false picture to your shared friends and family denying it. he's basically setting you up to be painted as a gold digger when *he's* the one benefitting from your scrimping and saving. i have a hard time believing this is the only instance of this level of disrespect in your relationship; and if you ever have kids, i'm certain you can look forward to him moaning to all your friends and family that he does sooooooo muuuuuuuuch woooooooork as a father (read: changed 1 diaper) while you actually shoulder the majority of childcare. if you don't have kids, i imagine it will be something else like that.
i really hope i'm wrong and this is just temporary brain worms on his part. but either way, nta
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girl i hope you have a prenup written up for the love of god 🤨
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this is actually a pretty big deal.
1. he wants you to go along with a lie that makes him look good at your expense.
2. it’s a permanent lie - unless he plans to fess up after the wedding which i doubt.
3. it’s a lie that misrepresents the balance of your relationship. instead of partners he wants to be seen as the “head.” is he prepared to take on the responsibility of that position and let you spend all of your money on you while he shoulders the financial responsibility for the household? or does he want you to continue to bankroll 70% while he gets credit for 100%?
4. it reveals an ugliness in how he thinks of you and wants to present the two of you as a couple. he should be proud to have a wife who earns and saves and sacrifices for your future together. instead he wants to claim your accomplishment as his own and expects you to accept whatever impact this has on how friends and family view you - all to “boost his confidence.”
5. he is lying to you. it’s not about a confidence boost. it’s about him declaring his status as the head of the house and the breadwinner and doing so by belittling your contributions.
6. his response tells you clearly that he is lying. he calls it a small thing, one little favor, but he goes ballistic when you say no.
7. and seriously, the silent treatment? just, no.
consider your next steps carefully. nta.
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don’t cave in, let him run the silent treatment. also rethink about marrying this guy, he’s behaving like a child.
nta
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nta. but i’d think twice about marrying someone who wants to lie to your friends and family for the “confidence boost” and reacts by sulking, lashing out, and ignoring you when you won’t go along with it.
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in a divorce he will tell everyone you got the house because you are a woman, lol.
ask him about how he thinks your confidence is doing by him denying you recogniction for a contribution you actually did when he wants to boost himself with something he didn't do to even 50%?
nta
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definetely nta
i wonder what his reaction would be when you would have asked that haha
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no way you're ta. he's being a jerk. needing to take false credit for a confidence boost? definitely an insight into his character that you should consider backing out over.
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i had an ex with this mindset years ago. when we broke up (because he shputed at me in public and told me to be quiet in a restaurant in front of others and expected me to step back and let him speak like that ) many people cut me out and i just thought, well whatever. move on head held high. yrs later we spoke and it turns out hed been telling all my friends at the time that he was paying for absolutely everything, every coffee, every date, every weekend away or holiday, everything i bought him, he'd bought himself and how id got the birthday gifts i wanted and then left him. so they all naturally felt id been secretly milking him and being a leech.
i asked him why he'd do that when atm i paid for about 80%of everything we did. he said but hes the man and he cpuldnt have people thinking id provided and paid for things. and he definitely didnt want to say why we'd really broken up. he didnt understand why id been hurt or why it mattered.
op - run. your marriage will be a tally score card and he will lie and sulk and you will be the cash cow funding his shitty attitude and lies to others.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least. [/INST] nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend to shut the fuck up after she insulted my sisters thighs?
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i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being.
she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with.
anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’
i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl.
literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize.
so reddit, aita?
| 35,955
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fzvxw7/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_shut_the_fuck/
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2020-04-12 12:32:56
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nta.
12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately.
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nta and this is a huge red flag. why would you want to date someone that insulted your little sister like that?
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huge nta. body shaming a 12 year old is a low move.
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nta well done for standing up for your sister it's talk like that, that no young girl should ever be judged on. i just hope she's now your ex and that you never apologise!
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nta. your gf is a real piece of work for talking about a 12 y/o’s thighs. she needs to check herself.
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nta- your gf was out of line and being a female, she should know how much those snide comments, no matter how well intentioned affect you forever. you're sister's self confidence is more important than your girlfriend's ego
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nta
at 12, girls bodies are all over the place. making comments like that is just plain stupid. your girlfriend needs to apologise, and so do all the half-wits that sent you text messages.
now you know who your friends are, huh?
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nta!! who says that about a 12 year old girl? your girlfriend sounds like an awful and mean spirited person. if her friends are all defending her and coming down on you, then she has shitty friends too. your poor sister. i feel terrible for her. find a girlfriend who will treat your sister as her own and love her just as you do.
your girlfriend needs to go.
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esh your girlfriend was wrong and rude and you were right to address it immediately and showing your sister support. but jesus christ talk about overreaction. your girlfriend made an unwelcome comment about your sister, possibly thinking it would be between you two. she didn't came to her face to bully her. you're an adult, you should act like one.
also wtf with those "wow huuuuge red flag, burn bridges, break up, contact your lawyer" type comments. evrything isn't black or white guys.
edit :spelling
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feed her less?? who talks like that about anyone? who talks like that about a 12 year old? who says that to their boyfriend about his kid sister? your girlfriend is out of all sorts of lines! do not apologise.
could she be telling people a convenient version of the story that makes her sound better? i don’t see how anyone would see you as being the one in the wrong.
nta, your girlfriend is definitely ta
edited for typos and clarity
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.010125
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. 12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately. </s>
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AITA for snapping at my coworker because she felt very condescending while I am pregnant?
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i'm currently 7 months pregnant. before/around the start of the crisis, my coworker (nina) started treating me differently in a way i felt was really demeaning. for example, she would lift boxes for me, or carry my paperwork to my desk for me. keep in mind, i was barely pregnant at the time she started doing this, and despite my protests, she made such a big fuss out of doing it for me that other coworkers caught on and started doing it too. now, i understand that pregnant women shouldn't be doing heavy lifting, but i was barely pregnant, and these were light papers and boxes. all in all, it made me feel like a liability around the office, and despite me telling her this, she continued to brush me off and do it. i didn't report her/voice my discomfort to anyone else because she's kind of a friend.
now, in recent months, during video conferences where we discuss work distribution or other matters, nina always says things like, "oh, i can take this part of the project instead, we all know (me) isn't in any shape to do work right now", or when i was presenting part of my write up, she would interrupt and say things like, "are you okay? you look a little pale, don't strain yourself!" (i was perfectly fine).
these are the incidences that bothered me most, but there were also smaller things like her asking me if i planned to eat my placenta (when i said no, then slightly pressuring me because it's good for me), her asking if i took iron pills, and other comments about how she was amazed i could come to work at all considering my "condition".
i ended up snapping at her in private yesterday, saying that i was sick of her, and although i understand her concern, i didn't need her intruding into my pregnancy. she left me a very sincere apologetic message, and i thought that was that, but today, i got a text from a mutual coworker (nina's best friend at work, as far as i could tell), that said that maybe i should apologize for my words. apparently, nina actually had a miscarriage way before i met her, and her concern for me was coming from that experience for her.
obviously, i didn't know about this, and now i'm feeling very conflicted. i know she was coming from a place of concern, but it felt really intrusive and made me feel really useless, and hearing about her miscarriage just makes everything feel 10x worse.
i'm gonna send her an apology tomorrow regardless, i just want to know if i'm the real asshole in this situation for my conscience.
| 2,265
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hljkm9/aita_for_snapping_at_my_coworker_because_she_felt/
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2020-07-05 09:01:17
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nah. you weren't to know about her miscarriage, and to be honest i think i would have suspected that her comments and actions were trying to undermine you, like she wanted your job when you leave on maternity and is hoping to keep it afterwards! maybe i'm just a bit cynical, but carrying light papers etc is a bit over the top when you're not even showing yet. plus the placenta thing... extremely intrusive!
however on knowing the circumstances, she is overly cautious for a reason, so by all means apologise but just explain you're feeling fine and just didn't like being made to feel like an invalid.
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nah, you communicated why her actions bothered you pretty often from what it seems. regardless of her past experiences, while devastating, she shouldn’t have pushed her own concern and anxiety onto you.
there was no way for you to know about the miscarriage so you’re absolutely not to blame. on the other hand, while she did have plenty of opportunities to communicate her reasons to you, it is a sensitive subject and might be hard for her to bring up. i don’t think either of you are the asshole.
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i’m not going to call that woman an asshole. nina went through something tragic, which caused her to go overboard in trying to accommodate you. while her kindness came from a genuine place, i can understand how her actions felt demeaning to you. you are more than just your pregnancy.
the most important part of this situation is her swift, sincere apology when she heard how negatively she made you feel. that’s the sign of a decent human. there was no way you could have known about her miscarriage, and regardless, your feelings about the situation are valid. don’t feel guilty.
she’s a person who’s trying. you’re a person who’s trying. no assholes here. **nah**
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nta. sounds like your coworker was projecting her experiences on you. her motivations may have been good, but having someone consistently do things like question your health in front of others - especially during a presentation - is professionally damaging in the long term. enough people hear that often enough and they start seeing it themselves, even if it's not there. women in the workplace struggle enough without someone making their lives more difficult, and you'd think she should know this.
do you owe your coworker another conversation now that you have new information? perhaps, it would definitely be a kind gesture, but you definitely don't owe an apology for being clear that you're not suddenly helpless.
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yeah i saw the miscarriage coming. she would have read every article that victim blames women for miscarrying. even at the ivf clinic they tell you not to exercise (overheating) and not lift anything heavier than 2kg (wtf??). then there is all of the advice about eating. this poor woman must have been extremely annoying but her heart was in the right place.
you might not need to apologise but at least have a conversation with her and acknowledge her good intentions towards you. if nina had no children after the miscarriage, she could still be trying and she may be devastated by her childless state. she sounds like a nice person because she is trying to support you whereas she could have cut you off to avoid her pain. people tend to go either way. nah
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nta. she repeatedly ignored your boundaries and treated you like an invalid. her trauma doesn’t excuse her shitty behavior.
&#x200b;
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nah. you didn't know about the situation originally. now that you know, you're going to apologize, and it's fine. she has also apologized to you genuinely so i think you guys just need to communicate more.
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nah. just settle down and speak to her. she was too overbearing because of her miscarriage but you couldn't know about that. you shouldn't feel bad about that since you didn't know but she shouldn't either
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nah.
i wouldn't want to call nina an ah because she was well intentioned and the reason for her behaviour is now apparent. that said, she was being invasive and you were right to put your foot down. you didn't even know about her history before you said what you did.
if nina hasn't told you about her miscarriage, i wouldn't mention it, because that's quite a personal thing for the other friend to tell you. but don't apologise for setting your boundaries either. 'sorry if my phrasing was a little harsh, i didn't want to upset you, it's just i needed to make it clear how i was feeling. i hope we can still be friends.'
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nta even if she has the best intentions and still grieving her own miscarriage what she did wasn’t appropriate. i have been there myself, it’s sensitive and horrible. but i also know there is a stigma about women being able to do less in the workplace due to pregnancy and as you said it made you feel like a liability. if someone took a project that i was capable of doing and blamed it on my pregnancy i would at the very least have a 1-1 with my boss and voice my concerns.
also, super weird her friend shared about her miscarriage. like i said having one myself i wouldn’t have a friend call someone and tell them for me.
it’s nice of you to apologize, she will certainly appreciate it but i would stand firm on the “leave me alone part.”
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NAH
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NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
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NAH
|
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.028068
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm currently 7 months pregnant. before/around the start of the crisis, my coworker (nina) started treating me differently in a way i felt was really demeaning. for example, she would lift boxes for me, or carry my paperwork to my desk for me. keep in mind, i was barely pregnant at the time she started doing this, and despite my protests, she made such a big fuss out of doing it for me that other coworkers caught on and started doing it too. now, i understand that pregnant women shouldn't be doing heavy lifting, but i was barely pregnant, and these were light papers and boxes. all in all, it made me feel like a liability around the office, and despite me telling her this, she continued to brush me off and do it. i didn't report her/voice my discomfort to anyone else because she's kind of a friend. now, in recent months, during video conferences where we discuss work distribution or other matters, nina always says things like, "oh, i can take this part of the project instead, we all know (me) isn't in any shape to do work right now", or when i was presenting part of my write up, she would interrupt and say things like, "are you okay? you look a little pale, don't strain yourself!" (i was perfectly fine). these are the incidences that bothered me most, but there were also smaller things like her asking me if i planned to eat my placenta (when i said no, then slightly pressuring me because it's good for me), her asking if i took iron pills, and other comments about how she was amazed i could come to work at all considering my "condition". i ended up snapping at her in private yesterday, saying that i was sick of her, and although i understand her concern, i didn't need her intruding into my pregnancy. she left me a very sincere apologetic message, and i thought that was that, but today, i got a text from a mutual coworker (nina's best friend at work, as far as i could tell), that said that maybe i should apologize for my words. apparently, nina actually had a miscarriage way before i met her, and her concern for me was coming from that experience for her. obviously, i didn't know about this, and now i'm feeling very conflicted. i know she was coming from a place of concern, but it felt really intrusive and made me feel really useless, and hearing about her miscarriage just makes everything feel 10x worse. i'm gonna send her an apology tomorrow regardless, i just want to know if i'm the real asshole in this situation for my conscience.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm currently 7 months pregnant. before/around the start of the crisis, my coworker (nina) started treating me differently in a way i felt was really demeaning. for example, she would lift boxes for me, or carry my paperwork to my desk for me. keep in mind, i was barely pregnant at the time she started doing this, and despite my protests, she made such a big fuss out of doing it for me that other coworkers caught on and started doing it too. now, i understand that pregnant women shouldn't be doing heavy lifting, but i was barely pregnant, and these were light papers and boxes. all in all, it made me feel like a liability around the office, and despite me telling her this, she continued to brush me off and do it. i didn't report her/voice my discomfort to anyone else because she's kind of a friend. now, in recent months, during video conferences where we discuss work distribution or other matters, nina always says things like, "oh, i can take this part of the project instead, we all know (me) isn't in any shape to do work right now", or when i was presenting part of my write up, she would interrupt and say things like, "are you okay? you look a little pale, don't strain yourself!" (i was perfectly fine). these are the incidences that bothered me most, but there were also smaller things like her asking me if i planned to eat my placenta (when i said no, then slightly pressuring me because it's good for me), her asking if i took iron pills, and other comments about how she was amazed i could come to work at all considering my "condition". i ended up snapping at her in private yesterday, saying that i was sick of her, and although i understand her concern, i didn't need her intruding into my pregnancy. she left me a very sincere apologetic message, and i thought that was that, but today, i got a text from a mutual coworker (nina's best friend at work, as far as i could tell), that said that maybe i should apologize for my words. apparently, nina actually had a miscarriage way before i met her, and her concern for me was coming from that experience for her. obviously, i didn't know about this, and now i'm feeling very conflicted. i know she was coming from a place of concern, but it felt really intrusive and made me feel really useless, and hearing about her miscarriage just makes everything feel 10x worse. i'm gonna send her an apology tomorrow regardless, i just want to know if i'm the real asshole in this situation for my conscience. [/INST] nah. you weren't to know about her miscarriage, and to be honest i think i would have suspected that her comments and actions were trying to undermine you, like she wanted your job when you leave on maternity and is hoping to keep it afterwards! maybe i'm just a bit cynical, but carrying light papers etc is a bit over the top when you're not even showing yet. plus the placenta thing... extremely intrusive! however on knowing the circumstances, she is overly cautious for a reason, so by all means apologise but just explain you're feeling fine and just didn't like being made to feel like an invalid. </s>
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AITA for not accommodating a vegan guest?
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longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner.
so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle.
our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now.
during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue.
however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it.
my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita?
| 21,398
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmlcx3/aita_for_not_accommodating_a_vegan_guest/
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2019-10-24 19:28:23
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yta
"**hey guys, come to my dinner party and we'll cook everything for you, oh except you sarah**, you can bring your own food cos we don't wanna put any effort in to accommodate you.".
how difficult is it to cook a couple dishes that are vegan? you could have even asked her for some tips or help but no.
huge yta.
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info: do you mean to say you have been cooking for this woman for more than a year and have never once prepared even a single course she could eat?
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i... i mean i get it, i suppose. but dude she's been coming over a year and a half and it's not that hard to make vegan food, it does seem like you guys are deliberately excluding her. you don't have to make a full meal, you can make at least one dish she can eat though.
&#x200b;
yta
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yta. really? you can’t even make one dish vegan? they’ve been dating over a year and a half, and you continued to invite them over knowing she’s vegan. it does seem like deliberate exclusion. you don’t have to redo your entire menu, but jesus, at least have something there for her to eat. it’s not that difficult, and it shows respect for your friend and his girlfriend.
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yta. your brilliant hosting consists of providing a chair.
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yta
>i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person.
no one is expecting you to do that.
>we never provided **any dishes** she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her.
you don't make any dishes or side dishes that just happened to be vegan or could easily be altered? like a salad with roasted pine nuts, dried fruit, basic vinaigrette, but hold the cheese for her? potatoes roasted with olive oil and herbs?
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yta why invite someone for a dinner party if you can't be bothered to cook for them
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yta if you have never even had one vegan dish in this entire time she has been coming.
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did she seriously had to bring her own food this whole time?
the first time is pretty normal, but after that you just were horrible hosts.
while unintentionally your behavior obviously gave her the impression you didn’t care enough to make an effort and incorporate a vegan dish.
sorry, yta if you provide food for all your guests except her.
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info: why do you hate sarah?
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.016
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner. so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle. our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now. during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue. however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it. my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner. so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle. our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now. during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue. however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it. my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita? [/INST] yta "**hey guys, come to my dinner party and we'll cook everything for you, oh except you sarah**, you can bring your own food cos we don't wanna put any effort in to accommodate you.". how difficult is it to cook a couple dishes that are vegan? you could have even asked her for some tips or help but no. huge yta. </s>
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AITA for not telling my fwb's (friends with benefits) brother he couldn't afford what I was drinking
|
*on mobile
*this happened before covid 19 it's only recently been brought up
i own a successful business and i like to drink and also collect expensive whisky. one day i leaving a hotel with my current gf and we ran into her brother victor (fake name) by accident and she introduced us and she left in a cab. i stayed behind and had a nice chat.
a few days went by and i was having drinks at my favourite bar with some friends we were drinking shots of an expensive whisky called glengoyne 35 years($322 for a double shot), when victor walks in with some friends as well(group of 4) we greet each other and we have a little small talk and his friends call him (it was his night to buy drinks aparently).
victor tells the bartender that he wants a round of what we are having( i don't know why the bartender didn't specify the whisky was expensive), the bartender then proceeds to pour 4 double shots of glengoyen 35 years and they proceed drink. we drank till close to closing time. i paid for our drinks and as i was about to exit the bar victor was having an argument with the bartender, he was telling him "there is something wrong with his bill", "we only had 3 rounds each", " he doesn't have ~$3800", "this bill is more than he makes a month". they had a back and forth argument and security was called in and they grabbed victor".
when they had victor, i went over to ask what was going the bartender told me victor was refusing to pay his bill and they were going to call the police. victor called the bar a scam and they are trying to cheat him out of his money. i looked at the bill and told him its looks okay, victor said he didn't have the kind of money and neither did his friends, so i decided to settle his bill and we left.
outside victor and friends called me an asshole for not telling them how much the drinks were going to cost. i told them it wasn't my responsibility to tell them how much everything was. this made him angrier he said he assumed i was having a whisky for normal people, i told him that i thought he could afford it i also said who just orders something they don't know the price too, that's like saying the next round is on me in a bar.
till this day victor thinks i'm asshole for what happened.
| 3,844
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhz580/aita_for_not_telling_my_fwbs_friends_with/
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2020-06-29 12:41:58
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esh. victor was trying to be cool and be like you - he obviously respects you. ultimately, it was his bill, and he's an adult. however, you should have let him know when you heard him order that it was a very expensive drink. as an aside, if you're taking $300+ shots of whiskey, you're not enjoying it the way it's meant to be enjoyed. it's your money, but that's more about showing off your wealth than having good taste.
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he made a mistake and didn't clarify the price.
you paid his bill and got him out of trouble and he thinks you're in the wrong?
what a dick.
nta
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umm i really don't understand these e s h responses because
1. you spoke to the guy just once before, and definitely didn't have the kind of relationship where you could realistically tell him something like "hey, this may be out of your price range" even if you knew that it was so.
2. you didn't ask these guys to buy the same drinks as you.
3. you literally paid their bill after they made themselves look like idiots and they got mad when you showed them up!
nta. you're not an ass by a long shot, this victor guy is clearly salty at being upstaged by you in front of his friends. that's his problem. no responsible person walks into a bar to grandstand in front of people about money they don't have. and you were nice enough to pay his bill even though you didn't have to.
i have to say though, you clearly don't know shit about drinking whiskey. i was tempted to call you an asshole based on just that, but it's fine.
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nta, 😂😂😂 does this victor guy think his in a movie how do you drink something you don't know the price too. if anything the bartender is the asshole he should have said something.
info: did he pay you back
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nta
the bartender is.
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esh. everyone involved had a chance to stop this
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i dont really understand how people insist that the situation was esh,
as a bartender it is none of your business to tell to your customer (firsthand) that what he was ordering is an expensive drink. especially if he doesn't know the customer. it would sound really rude and insulting. the best choice is to just do as you are told and make the drink.
likewise with op, it wasn't his fault for not telling victor the drink costs 300$ because it would make him sound condescending and make it look like he was demeaning victor.
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nah - i can see why he's pissed off, but it's not your fault.
if he'd been buying drinks for you, or if he'd said "hey, what are you having?" before ordering then you'd have been ta, but in the situation you described you're not.
the bartender probably should have made the guy aware, though.
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yta. i am a bit surprised that the general consensus is that you’re nta. while i don’t think it’s your responsibility to tell people not to order shots of a very expensive drink, it would be expected that you give your friend or in this case a potential brother in law a heads up that he is buying almost $4,000 worth of shots. you must realize that people who work regular jobs aren’t aren’t rich and don’t typically order a $300-400 shots at the bar. you knew this was going to happen and didn’t act to stop it, definitely yta.
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i n f o: were you shooting a 35 year old single malt? cause that would be just wasteful with a good scotch.
nta of course, and unpopular opinion the only asshole is your victor. people keep saying the bartender should have said something, and i disagree, since victor joined the group, it was on him.
only reason victor is an asshole is because he isn't dropping it. he isn't the asshole for being in the situation. he isn't an asshole for his reaction to the sticker shock. even if he is salty, he needs to recognize that you saved him from a felony charge. that's assuming you are in the us.
|
ESH
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.560811
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: *on mobile *this happened before covid 19 it's only recently been brought up i own a successful business and i like to drink and also collect expensive whisky. one day i leaving a hotel with my current gf and we ran into her brother victor (fake name) by accident and she introduced us and she left in a cab. i stayed behind and had a nice chat. a few days went by and i was having drinks at my favourite bar with some friends we were drinking shots of an expensive whisky called glengoyne 35 years($322 for a double shot), when victor walks in with some friends as well(group of 4) we greet each other and we have a little small talk and his friends call him (it was his night to buy drinks aparently). victor tells the bartender that he wants a round of what we are having( i don't know why the bartender didn't specify the whisky was expensive), the bartender then proceeds to pour 4 double shots of glengoyen 35 years and they proceed drink. we drank till close to closing time. i paid for our drinks and as i was about to exit the bar victor was having an argument with the bartender, he was telling him "there is something wrong with his bill", "we only had 3 rounds each", " he doesn't have ~$3800", "this bill is more than he makes a month". they had a back and forth argument and security was called in and they grabbed victor". when they had victor, i went over to ask what was going the bartender told me victor was refusing to pay his bill and they were going to call the police. victor called the bar a scam and they are trying to cheat him out of his money. i looked at the bill and told him its looks okay, victor said he didn't have the kind of money and neither did his friends, so i decided to settle his bill and we left. outside victor and friends called me an asshole for not telling them how much the drinks were going to cost. i told them it wasn't my responsibility to tell them how much everything was. this made him angrier he said he assumed i was having a whisky for normal people, i told him that i thought he could afford it i also said who just orders something they don't know the price too, that's like saying the next round is on me in a bar. till this day victor thinks i'm asshole for what happened.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
*on mobile *this happened before covid 19 it's only recently been brought up i own a successful business and i like to drink and also collect expensive whisky. one day i leaving a hotel with my current gf and we ran into her brother victor (fake name) by accident and she introduced us and she left in a cab. i stayed behind and had a nice chat. a few days went by and i was having drinks at my favourite bar with some friends we were drinking shots of an expensive whisky called glengoyne 35 years($322 for a double shot), when victor walks in with some friends as well(group of 4) we greet each other and we have a little small talk and his friends call him (it was his night to buy drinks aparently). victor tells the bartender that he wants a round of what we are having( i don't know why the bartender didn't specify the whisky was expensive), the bartender then proceeds to pour 4 double shots of glengoyen 35 years and they proceed drink. we drank till close to closing time. i paid for our drinks and as i was about to exit the bar victor was having an argument with the bartender, he was telling him "there is something wrong with his bill", "we only had 3 rounds each", " he doesn't have ~$3800", "this bill is more than he makes a month". they had a back and forth argument and security was called in and they grabbed victor". when they had victor, i went over to ask what was going the bartender told me victor was refusing to pay his bill and they were going to call the police. victor called the bar a scam and they are trying to cheat him out of his money. i looked at the bill and told him its looks okay, victor said he didn't have the kind of money and neither did his friends, so i decided to settle his bill and we left. outside victor and friends called me an asshole for not telling them how much the drinks were going to cost. i told them it wasn't my responsibility to tell them how much everything was. this made him angrier he said he assumed i was having a whisky for normal people, i told him that i thought he could afford it i also said who just orders something they don't know the price too, that's like saying the next round is on me in a bar. till this day victor thinks i'm asshole for what happened. [/INST] esh. victor was trying to be cool and be like you - he obviously respects you. ultimately, it was his bill, and he's an adult. however, you should have let him know when you heard him order that it was a very expensive drink. as an aside, if you're taking $300+ shots of whiskey, you're not enjoying it the way it's meant to be enjoyed. it's your money, but that's more about showing off your wealth than having good taste. </s>
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AITA for calling my body-positive co-worker "unhealthy, deluded, and bitter" after some rude comments she made about me?
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i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors.
however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment.
these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy.
finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit.
she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.
| 27,612
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d31cjt/aita_for_calling_my_bodypositive_coworker/
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2019-09-12 02:29:22
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nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours.
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nta, i was expecting this to be an everyone sucks situation, but she really crossed the line many many times before you said anything. she deserves it.
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very close, but nta. she pushed and pushed and pushed until you snapped. while your comments were harsh, i think she did enough to deserve them.
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i'm going to go with a soft esh -- but her way more than you.
she was being consistently mean for a long time, and i understand why you just got to a tipping point. and the comment when the boy left was way out of line and just plain mean.
calling her out on her hypocrisy was fair. calling her out on her eating habits, workouts (or lack thereof) and body was not. she was mean to you, and you got fed up and were mean back.
even if i get why, and she was way worse, you still weren't nice.
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nta. weight is one of those things you leave alone. people are *well aware* of their weight. it's completely rude and inappropriate to bring it up.
and if she's gonna dish it out she needs to learn to also suck it up when it comes her way. also commenting on your face plant trying fir that guy? super tacky and rude.
i've argued with my mom about this for years, she keeps bringing up my sisters weight and i keep telling her to mind her own business.
she likes to try and frame it as being concerned, but i've told her multiple times it's not her body, it's none of her business and to only talk about it when my sister brings it up.
and yet my mom still starts fights about it.
tldr - no one besides a certified doctor is entitled to comment on someone's weight.
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esh. obviously her behavior toward you has been repeatedly inappropriate. but you waited and waited and then finally blew up at her. you should have been honest with her a long time ago and nipped this situation in the bud by simply saying, “i’m not comfortable with you remarking on how my body looks. don’t do it any more.”
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why do i feel like i read this scenario before? maybe it's just me but there are a lot of these "overweight person said something mean so i called them fat"-posts out there.
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esh
she's out of line for her comments, but you lost the high ground when you shamed her for her eating habits etc.
"i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors." other people's lifestyles are none of your business. this kind of attitude does nothing to steer anyone toward a healthy lifestyle, it just makes those who fail to live up to your standards feel worse.
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nta. ‘body positivity’ =\= ‘real women have curves.’ real women come in many different types. a little bit ta for shaming her back, but people say cruel shit when they’re arguing like that.
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nta, i'm all for body positivity and i understand skinny people have it "easier" than others, but i'm also tired of people thinking they can insult the hell out of me until it's borderline abusive, but it's okay because i'm thin. fuck that. you're justified.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.176777
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well. [/INST] nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy?
|
i(29) have always supported my girlfriend (23). we have been together for four years now, and lived together for one.
she has always had anxiety, as well as depression where some months are worse than others. i have supported her through all of this, and understand it is very hard for her.
in january she lost her job due to the current world circumstances. by march she hit a low point with not eating as much, crying, irritability - typical traits of depression. i have comforted her as much as possible, and taken care of everything.
however, at the beginning of june i was allowed back to work, and since the house has fallen to shambles. i am too tired by the time i come home to do anything, even cook. most nights we order take out, and on the rare occasion she makes food.
the floors aren't being washed, hoovering isn't being done, laundry is a mountain, and dishes are everywhere. i try keep on top of it, but with work it is almost impossible.
she is home...all day. she lies in bed till late afternoon, watches netflix, eats bowls of cereal, and naps. that's about it.
i've tried to gently coax her to do more, and she says she will get to it but never does. i finally snapped, told her i was sick of her doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me. that if she is here and i am working, she needs to be pulling her weight.
she got upset, and said that she wants to but she can never find the motivation . that she is tired all the time.
i said i understood she was depressed, but it isn't an excuse to do nothing and be lazy. no one likes housework, but i wont take any more excuses about it. she needs to start doing it or leave.
next day i come home to a clean house and a note from her saying she was sorry, and is going to stay with her mother (her mom helped her clean before they left). i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up. when i rang the house, her mother answered and had a lot to say.
she was furious. telling me about how she is struggling and i am making her worse. that i should be supporting her not ignoring that she is in a bad place. and so on. i was told my gf had been crying all day in her bedroom, and i feel awful. i never wanted to hurt her, i just snapped. i tried to get her mother to give my gf the phone but she wouldn't speak to me.
it feels like a lose - lose situation. on one hand i know depression results in lack of motivation and cleanliness. and on the other i can't stand to see our home in such chaos.
i've never had depression so i can't say for sure how bad it truly is. that's why i find it more difficult to 100% empathise
aita for telling her depression isn't an excuse?
extra info:
- she has a therapist and talks regularly with them
- her depression is worse since losing her job. usually she is quite clean and tidy. we dont usually have this issue.
- she is looking for a job despite depression etc. i have enough money to support us both in the mean time.
| 7,168
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hutuck/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/
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2020-07-20 21:10:09
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nah. i feel for both you and her. it's not easy dealing with someone who has depression just as it's not easy for that person to be dealing with the depression. it's not fair on you to bear that emotionally and it's not fair to her to have someone pushing her. i think you both need to reevaluate and probably take a break or just break up. she doesn't seem ok to be in a relationship right now with what she's dealing with.
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depression is a gluttonous beast. when it drains the primary victim to a barely functioning husk of a person, it gets hungry and starts to feed off the energy of those close to the victim. to keep this supply going, it manipulates the victim into as you said "lose-lose-lose" situations so it can stuff itself on the sadness and distress.
i have it. i hate it. i live with it.
but it's the hungriest hungry hippo for psychic distress and it manipulated the perfect situation to not only dig its primary victim deeper but to chip away at the support system until the main supporter lashes out in build-up frustration.
this isn't a you vs her cleaning issue as much as it is the issue of everyone here (including her therapist from your comments) underestimated the depression. it is far more diabolical than people want to admit because it's honestly terrifying.
since the depression is so strong right now, personifying it can be helpful. it's the 3rd player on the 4d emotional chess board here, manipulating pieces and moves so it can continue to feast merrily.
practical advice: follow the other commenters' advice to eat your crow while it's fresh and apologize for snapping. it is unfair for you to carry the whole load indefinitely. but empathy and strategy will serve you better here than being right.
go into this with no expectations beyond being able to give a heartfelt apology and say your piece. if things work out, great and i wish you both the best together. if not, then that's truly unfortunate and i wish you both the best on your paths.
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nah, coming from a girl who almost ruined her relationship because of her depression and anxiety, she needs to stop relying on you and gain some independence and she needs to figure out how to do that on her own.
i was relying on my boyfriend the first time we lived together, and i just never got better. we almost broke up but decided to instead no longer live together and basically start over. i moved into my mom's while i looked for my own place, got a roomate, and i got better.
it's not that way for everyone and it's really really hard, but if shes relying on you, or anyone else for that matter, then she'll just coast through her depression. once it becomes a matter of survival she'll have no choice but to handle it. for me once i started seeing my accomplishments with zero help, it built my confidence and independence and made me feel better.
my boyfriend and i are now way happier than we've ever been in our relationship and are looking forward to our future together.
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nah
when i was a toddler my mum had really severe depression that she was unable to take care of me and my brother. my dad was at work 5 days a week. my mums friend would be round during the day to take care of us and then my dad would come home from work, and spend evenings and weekends taking care of a 2 and 6 year old, cook dinner and clean the house. i’m sure it was tough on him but my mum wasn’t well and he did what he could.
my mum is the least lazy person i know.
depression can destroy you, that even getting out of bed can be too much, so cleaning is something she can’t manage yet. but, i get that you’re on the other side of it so it’s a difficulty for you.
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yta. depression isn't some whimpy thing that you can yell at someone to get over. dealing with depression or caring for someone with depression is no easy task in the slightest but if you care, these are the types of challenges you'll have to slowly work through over possibly multiple years.
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nah. her mental state is valid, but so is the pressure it puts on you.
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nah. like you said it's a lose-lose situation.
depression makes a person not feel able to do anything at all - it isn't her fault that she feels the way she does.
but equally you can't physically or mentally keep up with everything by yourself.
the best thing to do is to apologise for snapping, because that wasn't the right call. i can understand finally loosing your cool, but it's going to make her feel worse.
she is doing therapy which is good, but between you you need to talk more about how to manage your lives together. from everything you've said you're a good person, just at the end of your rope.
for what it's worth, i also have depression and anxiety. there are days when i can't get out of bed - it isn't a matter of being lazy, however much it might seem like it. it is a genuine imbalance in brain chemistry that impacts your daily life.
overall then, no one is an asshole. depression is the asshole.
if you need to talk more, my dms are open.
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yta. i understand that you want the house to be clean, however you clearly do not understand depression. ypu need to work with her to support her through this, not just tell her it isnt an excuse to be lazy. she knows that. she knows she needs to clean. but depression makes it so she cant necessarily do that. you should encourage her to talk to her therapist and doctor about a different course for her treatment
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seeing all the yta comments really dissapointed me, she is a adult, she can't just spend her day eating cereal, watching netflix and doing nothing, and while a lot people will deny this and probably downvote this, sometimes you got to just power through it, she is using her mental illness as an excuse to not do anything , op you sound like a great boyfriend, but also op should not expect too much from the girlfriend
nah
op:op is doing as much as he can, and yes the girlfriend should contribute but not a lot, op should talk more with her therapist and do healthy activities with her.
gf:while depression is very hard so cant just spend her day doing nothing, still though she shouldnt be forced to do much.the gf sounds very caring and ashamed of herself and i suggest op should consider being more careful with his words byt thats about it.
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yta he should have talked with her about it gently and helped her to do small things rather than get angry when she couldn’t do things on her own. it’s hard for both parties but it’s not cool for him to lash out at her for something she can’t control.
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.517608
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(29) have always supported my girlfriend (23). we have been together for four years now, and lived together for one. she has always had anxiety, as well as depression where some months are worse than others. i have supported her through all of this, and understand it is very hard for her. in january she lost her job due to the current world circumstances. by march she hit a low point with not eating as much, crying, irritability - typical traits of depression. i have comforted her as much as possible, and taken care of everything. however, at the beginning of june i was allowed back to work, and since the house has fallen to shambles. i am too tired by the time i come home to do anything, even cook. most nights we order take out, and on the rare occasion she makes food. the floors aren't being washed, hoovering isn't being done, laundry is a mountain, and dishes are everywhere. i try keep on top of it, but with work it is almost impossible. she is home...all day. she lies in bed till late afternoon, watches netflix, eats bowls of cereal, and naps. that's about it. i've tried to gently coax her to do more, and she says she will get to it but never does. i finally snapped, told her i was sick of her doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me. that if she is here and i am working, she needs to be pulling her weight. she got upset, and said that she wants to but she can never find the motivation . that she is tired all the time. i said i understood she was depressed, but it isn't an excuse to do nothing and be lazy. no one likes housework, but i wont take any more excuses about it. she needs to start doing it or leave. next day i come home to a clean house and a note from her saying she was sorry, and is going to stay with her mother (her mom helped her clean before they left). i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up. when i rang the house, her mother answered and had a lot to say. she was furious. telling me about how she is struggling and i am making her worse. that i should be supporting her not ignoring that she is in a bad place. and so on. i was told my gf had been crying all day in her bedroom, and i feel awful. i never wanted to hurt her, i just snapped. i tried to get her mother to give my gf the phone but she wouldn't speak to me. it feels like a lose - lose situation. on one hand i know depression results in lack of motivation and cleanliness. and on the other i can't stand to see our home in such chaos. i've never had depression so i can't say for sure how bad it truly is. that's why i find it more difficult to 100% empathise aita for telling her depression isn't an excuse? extra info: - she has a therapist and talks regularly with them - her depression is worse since losing her job. usually she is quite clean and tidy. we dont usually have this issue. - she is looking for a job despite depression etc. i have enough money to support us both in the mean time.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(29) have always supported my girlfriend (23). we have been together for four years now, and lived together for one. she has always had anxiety, as well as depression where some months are worse than others. i have supported her through all of this, and understand it is very hard for her. in january she lost her job due to the current world circumstances. by march she hit a low point with not eating as much, crying, irritability - typical traits of depression. i have comforted her as much as possible, and taken care of everything. however, at the beginning of june i was allowed back to work, and since the house has fallen to shambles. i am too tired by the time i come home to do anything, even cook. most nights we order take out, and on the rare occasion she makes food. the floors aren't being washed, hoovering isn't being done, laundry is a mountain, and dishes are everywhere. i try keep on top of it, but with work it is almost impossible. she is home...all day. she lies in bed till late afternoon, watches netflix, eats bowls of cereal, and naps. that's about it. i've tried to gently coax her to do more, and she says she will get to it but never does. i finally snapped, told her i was sick of her doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me. that if she is here and i am working, she needs to be pulling her weight. she got upset, and said that she wants to but she can never find the motivation . that she is tired all the time. i said i understood she was depressed, but it isn't an excuse to do nothing and be lazy. no one likes housework, but i wont take any more excuses about it. she needs to start doing it or leave. next day i come home to a clean house and a note from her saying she was sorry, and is going to stay with her mother (her mom helped her clean before they left). i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up. when i rang the house, her mother answered and had a lot to say. she was furious. telling me about how she is struggling and i am making her worse. that i should be supporting her not ignoring that she is in a bad place. and so on. i was told my gf had been crying all day in her bedroom, and i feel awful. i never wanted to hurt her, i just snapped. i tried to get her mother to give my gf the phone but she wouldn't speak to me. it feels like a lose - lose situation. on one hand i know depression results in lack of motivation and cleanliness. and on the other i can't stand to see our home in such chaos. i've never had depression so i can't say for sure how bad it truly is. that's why i find it more difficult to 100% empathise aita for telling her depression isn't an excuse? extra info: - she has a therapist and talks regularly with them - her depression is worse since losing her job. usually she is quite clean and tidy. we dont usually have this issue. - she is looking for a job despite depression etc. i have enough money to support us both in the mean time. [/INST] nah. i feel for both you and her. it's not easy dealing with someone who has depression just as it's not easy for that person to be dealing with the depression. it's not fair on you to bear that emotionally and it's not fair to her to have someone pushing her. i think you both need to reevaluate and probably take a break or just break up. she doesn't seem ok to be in a relationship right now with what she's dealing with. </s>
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AITA for getting upset and yelling at my boyfriend for telling his mom about my issues?
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when i (19m) was 12 my parents kicked me out after my dad caught me kissing one of my baseball teammates. i had to find "ways" to survive on the street and alot of those "ways" messed me up and i eventually got hooked on pills mostly prescription pain meds and other drugs to numb the pain... i'm only here now because an older cousin found me after he left the army and got me into rehab and let me move in. it's really hard for me to talk about and i don't like people knowing.
my boyfriend "lyle" (18m) knows this. i broke my arm pretty bad a few weeks ago and i was prescribed pain meds but because of my history of drug abuse i don't ever take much more than aspirin.. last week we were at his moms and should could tell i was in pain and she tried to give me some oxy that she had left over from when she had to get surgery and i told her it was fine and she asked if i the doctors had given me a prescription. i told her yes but that i wasn't getting it filled she started asking questions about why and i just kinda refused to answer till she left it alone.
i went over for brunch yesterday. before i ger to the door lyle tells me not to be mad and i ask about what ,but before he could answer his mom meets us at the door and grabs me up in a big huh. i'm wondering whats going on when she starts talking about how sorry she is about what i had to do on the streets and she was sorry for offering me drugs without knowing.. i kinda broke down and just started screaming at lyle about why he would tell his mom something like that and just ran off.. i ended up taking the bus home and eventually calmed down.
lyle has been calling and texting me since yesterday apologizing and telling me his mom was hounding him about why i wouldn't take any pain meds for my arm and saying i overreacted. my cousin says i was being an ass and over the top and that i should atleast hear lyle out instead of ignoring his calls and text. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4mfm7/aita_for_getting_upset_and_yelling_at_my/
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2022-06-04 10:51:57
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nah. yes, i know it wasn’t his secret to tell but consider the reaction you got. no judgement, only love and support from his mother. you’ve come a long way from living on the streets and now might be a good time to start trusting that some people do actually have your best interests at heart (and kudos to your cousin for helping you when you needed it).
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nah: your initial reaction was reasonable, but at the same time i hope you'll hear lyle out and realize that he was trying to help you. while his mom may be a bit much to take, and when she heard your story all her big mom emotions and instincts took over and she wanted to try to give you back everything you lost from your horrific parents.
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nta for being upset and yea it was a betrayal.
but please hear him out and give him a chance. it sounds like both him and this mom care a lot about you and could be a real source of love in your life. people fuck up sometimes but writing them off isn’t always the best response. perhaps these are the people who can help you heal.
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nta.
breach of such confidential information - especially medical information - is always a breach of trust, and lyle needs to understand that. for future reference, i think some white lies would be good to have in your arsenal. "i don't like how they make me loopy, i'd rather deal with the physical pain and know i'm me", etc. (for any future pushy people.) but what lyle did was a major wrong, and your distress about it was/is reasonable.
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i'm gonna lean towards nah on this one. mainly because i don't think there was any malicious intent on anyone's part here. but it's one of those that isn't exactly the most clear-cut situations, which makes it hard to call.
on the one hand, i absolutely see where you're coming from about wanting to put all that pain and misery behind you and generally not talk about it. that's a natural reaction to pain, though i do hope you're getting regular therapy to help with the trauma instead of suppressing it because that would be... very bad.
on the other hand, your bf has a point. maybe his mom shouldn't have been hounding him, and maybe he shouldn't have caved, but both could have come out of a place of concern for you. his mom could have been worried about why you weren't taking your medicine to help with the pain and make your recovery easier, and your bf may not have been able to dodge her well enough to not set off her mommy radar.
they are notoriously good at knowing when their kids are keeping secrets, and equally good about getting them out of their kids no matter what they do.
more importantly, her reaction afterwards indicates a massive well of concern and caring for you. she had not meant to wave drugs in your face, and had she known she likely would have left it alone and tried to see what else she could do for you to help instead. that tells me you really mean a lot to her, which is wonderful. maybe the execution was imperfect, but the intent was wholesome enough.
that said, i can't and won't fault you for your upset. it's hard for most people to talk about the traumas in their lives, especially the big ones, and generally most people like to be in control for when and how that information comes out. something you didn't get. mind, if you're really serious about this bf in the long-term then it probably was something you would have needed to talk about sooner or later, but it should've been you deciding when, where, and how to talk about it.
i would suggest sitting down with lyle and having a long talk about it. explain why you feel the way you do and why you didn't want him being the one to tell that secret. there's a decent chance that perspective has never crossed his mind, because he hasn't lived through what you have.
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nta. you are both so young to be dealing with something so serious.
first tell lyle that you need space to process what he did, that it doesn't matter whether or not he felt forced to tell, the fact is he did tell and he let you walk into a situation with his mother without warning you first. also that calling and texting is not giving you space.
and then take that space and the time to process how you feel about him telling and whether or not you think you can be around his mother without you feeling uncomfortable. you might want to talk to him later; you might want to walk away. each is ok.
lastly, i don't know how long you have been with lyle but you might want to edit your history a bit in the future with friends etc. it's ok to say "i lived on the street for a time but it's not something i want to discuss." everyone doesn't need to know the details of your life.
i'm sorry, op. this will be hard for you for the next little while.
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nta
a lot of people are mentioning how lyles mom was supportive and all that which is great, but it still wasn’t lyle’s story to tell regardless of how much his mom hounds him for it. he could have just made up some excuse instead of spilling his boyfriends history of drug abuse to his mom.
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nta it’s your business and your information he chose to tell which he had no right to. he could’ve just told his mom it’s not her business or some bullshit lie.
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nta. you were betrayed and triggered. you had the flight response. eventually you will become a little more comfortable talking about it and setting boundaries.
it took me decades to tell people i am hard of hearing. i would hide it as much as i could. i didn’t want to be treated differently or looked down upon. now i’m comfortable (not completely) telling people “right ear works better- talk in that one”.
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[deleted]
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.006547
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i (19m) was 12 my parents kicked me out after my dad caught me kissing one of my baseball teammates. i had to find "ways" to survive on the street and alot of those "ways" messed me up and i eventually got hooked on pills mostly prescription pain meds and other drugs to numb the pain... i'm only here now because an older cousin found me after he left the army and got me into rehab and let me move in. it's really hard for me to talk about and i don't like people knowing. my boyfriend "lyle" (18m) knows this. i broke my arm pretty bad a few weeks ago and i was prescribed pain meds but because of my history of drug abuse i don't ever take much more than aspirin.. last week we were at his moms and should could tell i was in pain and she tried to give me some oxy that she had left over from when she had to get surgery and i told her it was fine and she asked if i the doctors had given me a prescription. i told her yes but that i wasn't getting it filled she started asking questions about why and i just kinda refused to answer till she left it alone. i went over for brunch yesterday. before i ger to the door lyle tells me not to be mad and i ask about what ,but before he could answer his mom meets us at the door and grabs me up in a big huh. i'm wondering whats going on when she starts talking about how sorry she is about what i had to do on the streets and she was sorry for offering me drugs without knowing.. i kinda broke down and just started screaming at lyle about why he would tell his mom something like that and just ran off.. i ended up taking the bus home and eventually calmed down. lyle has been calling and texting me since yesterday apologizing and telling me his mom was hounding him about why i wouldn't take any pain meds for my arm and saying i overreacted. my cousin says i was being an ass and over the top and that i should atleast hear lyle out instead of ignoring his calls and text. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i (19m) was 12 my parents kicked me out after my dad caught me kissing one of my baseball teammates. i had to find "ways" to survive on the street and alot of those "ways" messed me up and i eventually got hooked on pills mostly prescription pain meds and other drugs to numb the pain... i'm only here now because an older cousin found me after he left the army and got me into rehab and let me move in. it's really hard for me to talk about and i don't like people knowing. my boyfriend "lyle" (18m) knows this. i broke my arm pretty bad a few weeks ago and i was prescribed pain meds but because of my history of drug abuse i don't ever take much more than aspirin.. last week we were at his moms and should could tell i was in pain and she tried to give me some oxy that she had left over from when she had to get surgery and i told her it was fine and she asked if i the doctors had given me a prescription. i told her yes but that i wasn't getting it filled she started asking questions about why and i just kinda refused to answer till she left it alone. i went over for brunch yesterday. before i ger to the door lyle tells me not to be mad and i ask about what ,but before he could answer his mom meets us at the door and grabs me up in a big huh. i'm wondering whats going on when she starts talking about how sorry she is about what i had to do on the streets and she was sorry for offering me drugs without knowing.. i kinda broke down and just started screaming at lyle about why he would tell his mom something like that and just ran off.. i ended up taking the bus home and eventually calmed down. lyle has been calling and texting me since yesterday apologizing and telling me his mom was hounding him about why i wouldn't take any pain meds for my arm and saying i overreacted. my cousin says i was being an ass and over the top and that i should atleast hear lyle out instead of ignoring his calls and text. aita? [/INST] nah. yes, i know it wasn’t his secret to tell but consider the reaction you got. no judgement, only love and support from his mother. you’ve come a long way from living on the streets and now might be a good time to start trusting that some people do actually have your best interests at heart (and kudos to your cousin for helping you when you needed it). </s>
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AITA For not wanting to have any contact with my children anymore?
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my ex cheated on me when my two kids were 6 and 5 years old. we got divorced. she got weekdays, i got weekends. we are all in the same city.
for a while there it seemed to work, i thought we could be civil enough to co-parent the two kids. but she got together with the man she'd cheated with and slowly started to turn the kids against me. suddenly every time i'd have my time with the kids little trips and picnics would be organised. of course, if i'd insist on my time with them i'd be turned into a bad guy. she started telling them lies about me too, and it slowly but surely made them hate me - bit by bit. i tried to sue her for parental alienation and to have the custody agreement properly enforced but it didn't go anywhere, and she used the lawsuit to breed further resentment.
it got so bad that they stopped wanting to see me at all. many weekends i'd drive to her house only to be turned away at the door. maybe i should have forced them to come with me or something, i don't know. maybe it was a mistake to not have done that.
i even ended up breaking up with my girlfriend for them. and it was the last serious relationship i had. their mom told them lies about her, said that i was going to start a new family with her and they'll be pushed aside, which was ironic because that was exactly what was happening to me. on the rare occasions that they did come visit me they'd get into fights with her and flat out told me they are not going to come at all if she's around. they forced me to choose. i chose them (big mistake, i know). i ended up being ignored anyway.
the last time i met them was on my son's 16th birthday. he said he was sick of me and just wished that i would leave them alone. i asked my daughter if she felt the same. she said yes. i told them that i wouldn't force them to come anymore but if they wanted to get in touch with me i'd be there.
they didn't even so much as call me. for years. it broke me.
well now they're in their twenties and their mom got divorced again (he cheated - what a surprise) and she turned to the bottle. they've started to figure out the lies they were fed by her and now want to get back in touch.
... i just can't anymore. i had them late in life and now i'm close to retirement. the last two decades of my life were just full of anxiety and despair. i don't want that for the last stage of my life. i've grown to live without them. i'm finally feeling some semblance of happiness again. i don't want to try to fix things - the very thought makes my heart sink in my chest. i want nothing to do with them.
my friends think i'm being an asshole. said that it wasn't their fault and that i should try and fix things. i just can't. i can't.
so. aita?
| 3,921
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwv12y/aita_for_not_wanting_to_have_any_contact_with_my/
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2020-07-24 04:13:53
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nah. this is really tough. the kids are not at fault here. many kids that have been alienated from a parent start to figure it out in their early 20’s. i also understand the heartache you must have experienced while they were growing up and wanting to avoid going through that again. however, i think a relationship with your adult children can be very different. i think fear of getting rejected is preventing you from trying again. i think that would be a mistake.
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nah, get thee to therapy asap.
your kids were manipulated from a young age and essentially had no functional parenting. this is not your fault, but not theirs either.
you have an opportunity to rebuild that relationship and i think you should take it.
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nah.
im in the same situation as your kids. i was fed lies about my father, and believed them. i had 0 contact growing up and believed he was bad. shortly before cutting contact with my mother, i began to realize she was lying to me about him. i moved out and reached out to him, and now we talk every day and we're repairing the bond that was broken and never able to fully grow.
your kids being fed lies and believing them isnt their fault. theyre kids and your parents are supposed to be someone you can trust, so they trusted, like kids do. they realize their trust was manipulated, so they want to fix it.
at the same time, you dont have to try to fix it if you really dont want to. but from what it sounds like to me, youre putting a lot of blame on them for what happened. theyre not the bad person here, your ex is
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nta
it wasn't their fault, your friend is right, but also not yours.
you did, however, say you'd be there. you're well within your right to be unwilling about it, but i wouldn't recommend going ahead and just turning them away. they were young when they cut you out, and also raised on lies.
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nah.
that said, this isn't about being an asshole. this is about you and your mental health. i am less worried about what is the right or asshole move, and more worried about what move you can make without hurting yourself. having your kids turned against you is one of the worst things that can happen to a person; it's like the mental health equivalent of getting shot. so to continue that analogy, this question is like asking if you should take the bus or the subway, when you should be asking how do you get up off the ground without bleeding out.
imho, what you should do is get some therapy. talk to a counselor about this. start processing some of those emotions.
then write your kids a letter, long form. tell them in full detail how what they did hurt you and how it made you feel. tell them how your heart fell apart when they told you to they were sick of you. tell them that you are very much not okay, and have not been okay since that day. and tell them that while you're glad they are realizing how toxic their mom is, that doesn't change how much they hurt you, or how much time and pain it took for you to mentally even start to let them go. tell them that perhaps someday you can reconnect with them, when you're ready. but right now your heart is full of too much pain and bitterness and resentment, to both their mom and to them, for you to be the type of father or the type of person you would have wanted to be to them; if they met you right now they would find a sad and bitter man who's more like the cold person your ex made you out to be than the loving father you tried to be while they were kids. if they were to see you now, it would only prove their mom right about you. so for right now, you aren't ready to have any sort of relationship with them. perhaps someday, but that day is not today.
that said- i think you should try to work towards being able to see them. because perhaps if you do, and they realize that their mom really was the asshole, then that might help the next decade of your life make up for the last one.
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nta. but i'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in.
parental alienation is real, but a lot of people don't believe that and think the alienated parent must have been really bad.
would it be possible for you to have a very limited relationship with them? meet with them once or twice, explain why you just can't do it any more? or are you afraid they'd call you the ah?
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info: are you kids in their 20s still? mid 20s is about the time you start understanding all the shit your parents did to you so i dont think you should hold them accountable.
also you dont need to be in their lives or be their dad just meet them hear them out and see how you feel after.
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i’m speaking from the perspective of watching someone close to me go through this. i will start by saying nah (this is in reference to you and your children only,) at current. you are not ta for being heart-weary and wanting to protect yourself from experiencing more of the *second worst pain a parent can feel. they are not ta because as much as we expect them to have the emotional and logical reasoning to work out what’s going on it’s just not the case when they’re 16.
however...i do believe you should give them a chance. they are adults now, out of the onus of their mother. i’m not saying welcome them with open arms, and —while you certainly shouldn’t play the blame game and should try to avoid accusations—i would be frank with them that you are afraid of being hurt again, and that while you don’t blame them and you know it wasn’t their fault or intent as you were all 3 victims of circumstance it was excruciating to lose them. i would suggest family therapy, which will be painful at times but will give you all a safe space to reestablish a relationship. if that’s not something you’re willing to do, open a line of contact, see what happens. if it goes wrong, yes it will hurt. but if it goes right it will be the best decision you ever make. worst case, if they revert to the behaviors they were exhibiting at 16, you can sever the contact with a clear conscience. best case, you get your children back. either way you don’t have to live without knowing.
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nta.
it's sad, but things don't always work out here. everyone has grown up: just like i'd say they were ok for not wanting to talk to you, the reverse is also true.
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nah- while i agree that there is a good chance that you would be able to mend this now that they are adults, i will say it's not guaranteed. i had an uncle whose ex alienated him from the four children they had- she wouldn't follow the visitation order, no matter how often they went to court, she called the cops and filed false reports for times at which (thankfully) he could often prove he was somewhere else, and then when he was arrested she lined the kids up at the window to watch. eventually he ran out of the funding to keep fighting her in court, and so she won.
when the kids grew older, several of them did reach out to him, but it never stuck- they had inherited too much of their mother's toxicity, or just came looking for money, and no real interest in a relationship for its own sake. it takes time to deprogram from that kind of parental propaganda.
if you choose to reconnect, i would recommend starting with a frank conversation about what their beliefs were about the situation, vs. the reality, and seeing if they really are open to discarding all of their mother's lies, or if they are only open to certain aspects of the situation. i think you'll be in a much better place to make an informed decision, and will have a lot more peace with yourself with whichever decision you make, if you at least try to clear the air and set the record straight in one discussion. if they're at all resistant to the truth, then you can close the book and know you gave it every try. if they're really aware of how much their mother lied, and truly want to make it right, you may find that the healing will be worth the risk. in the end, though, no one in this thread really understands the dynamic or has the information you have, and so in the end you are the only one with the information to make this decision.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.048
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex cheated on me when my two kids were 6 and 5 years old. we got divorced. she got weekdays, i got weekends. we are all in the same city. for a while there it seemed to work, i thought we could be civil enough to co-parent the two kids. but she got together with the man she'd cheated with and slowly started to turn the kids against me. suddenly every time i'd have my time with the kids little trips and picnics would be organised. of course, if i'd insist on my time with them i'd be turned into a bad guy. she started telling them lies about me too, and it slowly but surely made them hate me - bit by bit. i tried to sue her for parental alienation and to have the custody agreement properly enforced but it didn't go anywhere, and she used the lawsuit to breed further resentment. it got so bad that they stopped wanting to see me at all. many weekends i'd drive to her house only to be turned away at the door. maybe i should have forced them to come with me or something, i don't know. maybe it was a mistake to not have done that. i even ended up breaking up with my girlfriend for them. and it was the last serious relationship i had. their mom told them lies about her, said that i was going to start a new family with her and they'll be pushed aside, which was ironic because that was exactly what was happening to me. on the rare occasions that they did come visit me they'd get into fights with her and flat out told me they are not going to come at all if she's around. they forced me to choose. i chose them (big mistake, i know). i ended up being ignored anyway. the last time i met them was on my son's 16th birthday. he said he was sick of me and just wished that i would leave them alone. i asked my daughter if she felt the same. she said yes. i told them that i wouldn't force them to come anymore but if they wanted to get in touch with me i'd be there. they didn't even so much as call me. for years. it broke me. well now they're in their twenties and their mom got divorced again (he cheated - what a surprise) and she turned to the bottle. they've started to figure out the lies they were fed by her and now want to get back in touch. ... i just can't anymore. i had them late in life and now i'm close to retirement. the last two decades of my life were just full of anxiety and despair. i don't want that for the last stage of my life. i've grown to live without them. i'm finally feeling some semblance of happiness again. i don't want to try to fix things - the very thought makes my heart sink in my chest. i want nothing to do with them. my friends think i'm being an asshole. said that it wasn't their fault and that i should try and fix things. i just can't. i can't. so. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex cheated on me when my two kids were 6 and 5 years old. we got divorced. she got weekdays, i got weekends. we are all in the same city. for a while there it seemed to work, i thought we could be civil enough to co-parent the two kids. but she got together with the man she'd cheated with and slowly started to turn the kids against me. suddenly every time i'd have my time with the kids little trips and picnics would be organised. of course, if i'd insist on my time with them i'd be turned into a bad guy. she started telling them lies about me too, and it slowly but surely made them hate me - bit by bit. i tried to sue her for parental alienation and to have the custody agreement properly enforced but it didn't go anywhere, and she used the lawsuit to breed further resentment. it got so bad that they stopped wanting to see me at all. many weekends i'd drive to her house only to be turned away at the door. maybe i should have forced them to come with me or something, i don't know. maybe it was a mistake to not have done that. i even ended up breaking up with my girlfriend for them. and it was the last serious relationship i had. their mom told them lies about her, said that i was going to start a new family with her and they'll be pushed aside, which was ironic because that was exactly what was happening to me. on the rare occasions that they did come visit me they'd get into fights with her and flat out told me they are not going to come at all if she's around. they forced me to choose. i chose them (big mistake, i know). i ended up being ignored anyway. the last time i met them was on my son's 16th birthday. he said he was sick of me and just wished that i would leave them alone. i asked my daughter if she felt the same. she said yes. i told them that i wouldn't force them to come anymore but if they wanted to get in touch with me i'd be there. they didn't even so much as call me. for years. it broke me. well now they're in their twenties and their mom got divorced again (he cheated - what a surprise) and she turned to the bottle. they've started to figure out the lies they were fed by her and now want to get back in touch. ... i just can't anymore. i had them late in life and now i'm close to retirement. the last two decades of my life were just full of anxiety and despair. i don't want that for the last stage of my life. i've grown to live without them. i'm finally feeling some semblance of happiness again. i don't want to try to fix things - the very thought makes my heart sink in my chest. i want nothing to do with them. my friends think i'm being an asshole. said that it wasn't their fault and that i should try and fix things. i just can't. i can't. so. aita? [/INST] nah. this is really tough. the kids are not at fault here. many kids that have been alienated from a parent start to figure it out in their early 20’s. i also understand the heartache you must have experienced while they were growing up and wanting to avoid going through that again. however, i think a relationship with your adult children can be very different. i think fear of getting rejected is preventing you from trying again. i think that would be a mistake. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister that her food is disgustingly inedible?
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a few weeks ago, my apartment flooded. unfortunately, this has left me without a place to stay for a few weeks and many things i have to pay to replace/repair. it's been a shitty few weeks, to say the least.
my sister told me i could stay with her for a few weeks until everything gets sorted out. to be honest, i'm not the closest with my sister, but i didn't mind sharing a space with her. she was nice enough to give me a place to stay, for no charge, so i can't really complain.
my sister and i mean this literally, is a terrible cook. it's not only that her food lacks any seasoning, it's almost always inedible. she cooks with expired ingredients and doesn't believe in throwing anything away. it's unhealthy and disgusting. i'm honestly afraid of touching things in her fridge or eating anything in her fridge.
this wouldn't be much of a problem if she let me cook my own food and buy my own ingredients. but, she believes that it's rude for guests to cook their own food and hates me touching her stove. every time i suggest cooking my own food, she gets really angry and starts yelling at me for no reason.
i was getting tired of eating instant ramen noodles for all meals, and ordering food is expensive.
my girlfriend kindly brought me home-cooked food after i told her about my situation. she made me kimbap (korean rice rolls,) some rice, and kimchi (fermented cabbage). it was more than enough food and i was so happy that i could finally eat some real food.
i was eating rice and kimchi for lunch, and the second my sister entered, she told me that it looked like i was eating dog food. she even complained that i was making her apartment smell like dog food.
i thought this was ironic. she keeps rotten food for weeks and i'm apparently the one who's stinking her house up. i was going to ignore her and wear my headphones, but she was mumbling stuff about how i was eating food and that i was "ruining the sanctity of her home."
i was tired of listening to her complain about my girlfriend's food. i told her, verbatim, that i wouldn't have to rely on my girlfriend if she didn't make food that a stray dog wouldn't touch, and that she should stop being a selfish, inconsiderate, bitch and let people touch her stove. her food is disgustingly inedible.
she got incredibly angry and hasn’t spoken to me since. my girlfriend told me i should have chosen my words more carefully.
| 3,703
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1eqtv/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_her_food_is/
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2022-10-11 17:20:11
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esh
your sister for the way she launched into your gf's food.
you for the way you launched into her cooking.
ya'll ain't communicating.
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*~~yta~~* esh
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nta and calling your gf‘s food dog food…. gives me racist vibes
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ah yes, fermented vegetables. the classic food for dogs
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nta
sure it’s your sister’s home and she can do what she wants (no matter how revolting her beliefs are) but it’s insane that a) she won’t let you cook your own food and b) is so racist with the food your girlfriend brought you.
honestly i would highly recommend finding other accommodations. let her keep her racist, health hazard house to herself.
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>she cooks with expired ingredients and doesn't believe in throwing anything away.
info: what do you mean by expired ingredients? are you talking curdled milk, or things that have a long shelf life and have passed their "best before" date?
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nta, there is something weird going on with your sister because that is very abnormal behavior. couldn’t tell you what though.
i’d look into staying somewhere else, at this point your own health is at risk
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nta imo
i don't understand the y t a/ e s h comments.. yes, letting you stay with her is a huge kindness absolutely. *maybe* you could've worded it better, sure.. i guess? *though after that comment about your gf's cooking, i don't think i would've been nice, either lol*
**but**
what she's doing can put someone in the hospital. you could get seriously ill. like. really sick, or worse. it's not ok
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esh.
i get not finding her food tasty with the lack of seasoning. however, how expired is the food? is it like mold and such growing on the food? or is the food just passed the date stamped on the box? i grew up pretty poor and survived on bent and dent stores where they sell “expired” boxed and canned items that can’t be sold in stores. there’s nothing wrong with food past the date on the box if you know what to look for.
she made an unnecessary comment on the food your girlfriend brought but you were ungodly harsh to someone who was letting you stay at their place. if you don’t like your sister why not go stay at your girlfriends place?
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nta i would be calling around to see if anyone else has a couch you can crash on.
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.347438
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few weeks ago, my apartment flooded. unfortunately, this has left me without a place to stay for a few weeks and many things i have to pay to replace/repair. it's been a shitty few weeks, to say the least. my sister told me i could stay with her for a few weeks until everything gets sorted out. to be honest, i'm not the closest with my sister, but i didn't mind sharing a space with her. she was nice enough to give me a place to stay, for no charge, so i can't really complain. my sister and i mean this literally, is a terrible cook. it's not only that her food lacks any seasoning, it's almost always inedible. she cooks with expired ingredients and doesn't believe in throwing anything away. it's unhealthy and disgusting. i'm honestly afraid of touching things in her fridge or eating anything in her fridge. this wouldn't be much of a problem if she let me cook my own food and buy my own ingredients. but, she believes that it's rude for guests to cook their own food and hates me touching her stove. every time i suggest cooking my own food, she gets really angry and starts yelling at me for no reason. i was getting tired of eating instant ramen noodles for all meals, and ordering food is expensive. my girlfriend kindly brought me home-cooked food after i told her about my situation. she made me kimbap (korean rice rolls,) some rice, and kimchi (fermented cabbage). it was more than enough food and i was so happy that i could finally eat some real food. i was eating rice and kimchi for lunch, and the second my sister entered, she told me that it looked like i was eating dog food. she even complained that i was making her apartment smell like dog food. i thought this was ironic. she keeps rotten food for weeks and i'm apparently the one who's stinking her house up. i was going to ignore her and wear my headphones, but she was mumbling stuff about how i was eating food and that i was "ruining the sanctity of her home." i was tired of listening to her complain about my girlfriend's food. i told her, verbatim, that i wouldn't have to rely on my girlfriend if she didn't make food that a stray dog wouldn't touch, and that she should stop being a selfish, inconsiderate, bitch and let people touch her stove. her food is disgustingly inedible. she got incredibly angry and hasn’t spoken to me since. my girlfriend told me i should have chosen my words more carefully.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a few weeks ago, my apartment flooded. unfortunately, this has left me without a place to stay for a few weeks and many things i have to pay to replace/repair. it's been a shitty few weeks, to say the least. my sister told me i could stay with her for a few weeks until everything gets sorted out. to be honest, i'm not the closest with my sister, but i didn't mind sharing a space with her. she was nice enough to give me a place to stay, for no charge, so i can't really complain. my sister and i mean this literally, is a terrible cook. it's not only that her food lacks any seasoning, it's almost always inedible. she cooks with expired ingredients and doesn't believe in throwing anything away. it's unhealthy and disgusting. i'm honestly afraid of touching things in her fridge or eating anything in her fridge. this wouldn't be much of a problem if she let me cook my own food and buy my own ingredients. but, she believes that it's rude for guests to cook their own food and hates me touching her stove. every time i suggest cooking my own food, she gets really angry and starts yelling at me for no reason. i was getting tired of eating instant ramen noodles for all meals, and ordering food is expensive. my girlfriend kindly brought me home-cooked food after i told her about my situation. she made me kimbap (korean rice rolls,) some rice, and kimchi (fermented cabbage). it was more than enough food and i was so happy that i could finally eat some real food. i was eating rice and kimchi for lunch, and the second my sister entered, she told me that it looked like i was eating dog food. she even complained that i was making her apartment smell like dog food. i thought this was ironic. she keeps rotten food for weeks and i'm apparently the one who's stinking her house up. i was going to ignore her and wear my headphones, but she was mumbling stuff about how i was eating food and that i was "ruining the sanctity of her home." i was tired of listening to her complain about my girlfriend's food. i told her, verbatim, that i wouldn't have to rely on my girlfriend if she didn't make food that a stray dog wouldn't touch, and that she should stop being a selfish, inconsiderate, bitch and let people touch her stove. her food is disgustingly inedible. she got incredibly angry and hasn’t spoken to me since. my girlfriend told me i should have chosen my words more carefully. [/INST] esh your sister for the way she launched into your gf's food. you for the way you launched into her cooking. ya'll ain't communicating. </s>
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AITA for throwing away my sister's work equipment and ruining her business after she didn't want me at her engagement party?
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context: my sister's makes and sells simple traditional outfits for women. at first she did it just as a side job and would sell her stuff to friends and family. approximately 2 years ago ago she dropped out of college to go full time and wanted to start by selling on facebook groups and on our country's craigslist.
after a year she decided to stop making the outfits because she was actually losing money. she was depressed for a while because it was her dream and something that she enjoyed doing. one day i told her that the pictures she was posting are terrible. i asked her to check with her friends if they want to model because a lot of people wouldn't buy her stuff if she keeps posting low quality pictures with bad lighting of outfits lying on bed. then i took some new pictures of her and her friends with the dresses.
i also made a "brand" for her and created new facebook and instagram pages which i managed. and i also helped her with ordering supplies and shipping. after two months or so she started getting a huge amount of orders and even though she spent many sleepless nights she was happy and for the first time started making money. i never took a cent from her and i even used all the money i saved on my summer job to pay for advertising on facebook and instagram at the start because i knew how much effort she put on her work and didn't like seeing her depressed all the time after she decided to stop.
her engagement party is at our house next saturday. last weekend, she asked me if i could stay somewhere else during the party. when i inquired about the reason, she said that she didn't want me to get embarrassed if her boyfriend's family keep starring at me (i have burn scars on my face). when i told her i was okay with being present because i am used to people starring at me. she said she still didn't want any unwanted attention on her engagement day and it would be better if i wasn't there.
after she left the house with my parents to buy some things for the engagement. i took all of her stuff (sewing machine, fabrics, threads and the orders she was working on....) and threw them away. i also deleted all her social media accounts.
when they found out they were livid at me. my sister was crying and insulting me using some words that even bullies at school didn't dare to say, my dad informed me to better start saving and looking for a place because he was kicking me out by the end summer with my mom telling me that i should pay back all the stuff i threw.
when i told my other older siblings they were angry at them. still my brother wanted to keep the peace and offered to send money to sister and talk to them about not kicking me out. my other sister was more furious and decided not to come to the engagement anymore and asked me to come live with her after i finish my exams.
| 2,944
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uylfgi/aita_for_throwing_away_my_sisters_work_equipment/
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2022-05-27 00:15:04
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esh. you clearly shouldn’t have thrown her equipment. i feel like deleting social media accounts that you were managing would have been suitable itself as you were doing it for free.
however your sister is a huge asshole. to be so shallow to your own sibling is awful. she has an ugly personality and it is indulged by your parents if they don’t see your side as well.
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after reading your comments, i accept my judgement and i agree that i was an asshole.
i thought that my sister always liked me but i guess she was just putting up with me. but when it mattered i was just a stranger and embarassement to her.
i accepted being looked down and insulted by people a long time ago. but i never thought that my sister would look at me with disgust and to think of me as an embarrassment and something that must be hidden. i think i wanted to punish her because it wasn't fair accepting help from a sibling that you don't even respect as a person and think of as a freak.
i wasn't justified with what i did and i will apologize (even though i don't want to from the bottom of my heart) to her for what i did and start paying for the stuff i threw (except for the sewing machine, because she asked our older sister to buy it for her and would give her money each month but since she got it 5 years ago she never gave her anything. she told me to not pay anything back and definitely not the sewing machine).
i will move out next month. and i intend cutting her off from my life completely because just like she said she despised looking at my face i also started hating looking at her or hearing her talk.
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esh. you went overboard by throwing everyone out. she went overboard by being an ass by being so insensitive. your parents went overboard by threatening to kick you out.
so yah, i think esh
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esh. yes, your sister is horrible and you might want to consider cutting off contact. but you threw away stuff that wasn't yours - which is a crime. if you don't pay your sister back she could press charges.
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esh- you sister and you are both ah and pretty vindictive!
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nta - move in with your other sister. after all that you did for her?? i'm a burn survivor too ; and this really gets me mad!
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nta… move in with your other sister…. as s fellow burn survivor, i completely understand the hurt and pain from the way that your sister made you feel. i was burned on 47% of my body, and have grafts on my face and down my left arm and chest. i have had to learn to cut people out of my life that treat me the way your sister has treated you.
after you paid for her to be successful, i don’t blame you one bit for throwing the stuff out. she can pay to replace her stuff and learn how to be successful on social media herself and pay for the advertising herself too.
if you lived closer to me i would hire you to run my social media campaign for me. i am not good at it at all. might be a business that you can open up and do for people/businesses. you sound like you could be successful at it.
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esh
if you'd just deleted her accounts and billed her for the work you'd be in the clear
but you threw away her stuff too so esh
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esh. you didn't need to throw out all her stuff. but she's terrible for being selfish and kicking you out. and your parents are idiots for siding with her. just don't help her anymore. and i wouldn't pay her back if your parents are kicking you out.
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esh. your sister is shallow and rude; but destroying her livelihood is not appropriate or reasonable in that situation. turning up at the engagement party or the wedding anyway and making a scene or stealing her thunder would have been proportionate to what she said; one small, isolated incident followed by another with all of it over within a week or so; but what you did will set her back for years and was an immature overreaction.
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.433062
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: context: my sister's makes and sells simple traditional outfits for women. at first she did it just as a side job and would sell her stuff to friends and family. approximately 2 years ago ago she dropped out of college to go full time and wanted to start by selling on facebook groups and on our country's craigslist. after a year she decided to stop making the outfits because she was actually losing money. she was depressed for a while because it was her dream and something that she enjoyed doing. one day i told her that the pictures she was posting are terrible. i asked her to check with her friends if they want to model because a lot of people wouldn't buy her stuff if she keeps posting low quality pictures with bad lighting of outfits lying on bed. then i took some new pictures of her and her friends with the dresses. i also made a "brand" for her and created new facebook and instagram pages which i managed. and i also helped her with ordering supplies and shipping. after two months or so she started getting a huge amount of orders and even though she spent many sleepless nights she was happy and for the first time started making money. i never took a cent from her and i even used all the money i saved on my summer job to pay for advertising on facebook and instagram at the start because i knew how much effort she put on her work and didn't like seeing her depressed all the time after she decided to stop. her engagement party is at our house next saturday. last weekend, she asked me if i could stay somewhere else during the party. when i inquired about the reason, she said that she didn't want me to get embarrassed if her boyfriend's family keep starring at me (i have burn scars on my face). when i told her i was okay with being present because i am used to people starring at me. she said she still didn't want any unwanted attention on her engagement day and it would be better if i wasn't there. after she left the house with my parents to buy some things for the engagement. i took all of her stuff (sewing machine, fabrics, threads and the orders she was working on....) and threw them away. i also deleted all her social media accounts. when they found out they were livid at me. my sister was crying and insulting me using some words that even bullies at school didn't dare to say, my dad informed me to better start saving and looking for a place because he was kicking me out by the end summer with my mom telling me that i should pay back all the stuff i threw. when i told my other older siblings they were angry at them. still my brother wanted to keep the peace and offered to send money to sister and talk to them about not kicking me out. my other sister was more furious and decided not to come to the engagement anymore and asked me to come live with her after i finish my exams.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
context: my sister's makes and sells simple traditional outfits for women. at first she did it just as a side job and would sell her stuff to friends and family. approximately 2 years ago ago she dropped out of college to go full time and wanted to start by selling on facebook groups and on our country's craigslist. after a year she decided to stop making the outfits because she was actually losing money. she was depressed for a while because it was her dream and something that she enjoyed doing. one day i told her that the pictures she was posting are terrible. i asked her to check with her friends if they want to model because a lot of people wouldn't buy her stuff if she keeps posting low quality pictures with bad lighting of outfits lying on bed. then i took some new pictures of her and her friends with the dresses. i also made a "brand" for her and created new facebook and instagram pages which i managed. and i also helped her with ordering supplies and shipping. after two months or so she started getting a huge amount of orders and even though she spent many sleepless nights she was happy and for the first time started making money. i never took a cent from her and i even used all the money i saved on my summer job to pay for advertising on facebook and instagram at the start because i knew how much effort she put on her work and didn't like seeing her depressed all the time after she decided to stop. her engagement party is at our house next saturday. last weekend, she asked me if i could stay somewhere else during the party. when i inquired about the reason, she said that she didn't want me to get embarrassed if her boyfriend's family keep starring at me (i have burn scars on my face). when i told her i was okay with being present because i am used to people starring at me. she said she still didn't want any unwanted attention on her engagement day and it would be better if i wasn't there. after she left the house with my parents to buy some things for the engagement. i took all of her stuff (sewing machine, fabrics, threads and the orders she was working on....) and threw them away. i also deleted all her social media accounts. when they found out they were livid at me. my sister was crying and insulting me using some words that even bullies at school didn't dare to say, my dad informed me to better start saving and looking for a place because he was kicking me out by the end summer with my mom telling me that i should pay back all the stuff i threw. when i told my other older siblings they were angry at them. still my brother wanted to keep the peace and offered to send money to sister and talk to them about not kicking me out. my other sister was more furious and decided not to come to the engagement anymore and asked me to come live with her after i finish my exams. [/INST] esh. you clearly shouldn’t have thrown her equipment. i feel like deleting social media accounts that you were managing would have been suitable itself as you were doing it for free. however your sister is a huge asshole. to be so shallow to your own sibling is awful. she has an ugly personality and it is indulged by your parents if they don’t see your side as well. </s>
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AITA for not taking my niblings to Disneyland?
|
this in the usa and excuse me because i'm pretty tuckered out from a conference call.
to keep this short i have a sister who is not financially well off. i on the other hand have a lot more money. my wife and i love to travel and we also love to bring our children along. we typically go overseas once or twice a year and we do travel a fair bit within the country.
for my daughter's birthday we will be going to disneyland this winter. during a family event my niece came up to me and asked if she and her sister could come to disneyland with us. i was pretty confused because they are pretty young 8 and 10. my own children are 14 and 12, and it would be a massive hassle to take care of the 4 of them. i told her sorry this trip was just my family. she nodded and began crying to her mother. i did not think too much of this because it's just an expected reaction from a 8 year old girl. my sister came up to me and asked me to take her children to disneyland. i once again told her that managing 4 children would be tough, especially considering the youngest is 8. she got upset saying my children were getting all these experiences and more, while hers were getting jealous. i recommended that she take her children to disneyland and she began crying because she did not have the money. i told her disneyland was not cheap. we would be shelling out a couple thousand dollars. she still begged me and i once again refused. she then called me greedy and i countered that if she or her husband had worked for it, she could have been able to provide for her children. she then ran away crying and called me an ah. aita?
| 1,522
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/my4rax/aita_for_not_taking_my_niblings_to_disneyland/
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2021-04-25 09:25:44
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esh. it’s unbelievably rude of her to ask, and to use your niece (presumably) to emotionally manipulate you. but you lost any moral high ground when you told her to take them herself and then shamed her for “not working hard enough”. you should have stuck to saying that this was a vacation just for your family, no matter how much she provoked you.
|
esh
you don’t suck because you’re not taking your nieces with you but because of your comment of “if she or her husband had worked for it, she could have been able to provide for her children”.
do you think they want to be in the financial situation they’re in? you can’t just magically get a high paying job, even people with multiple degrees and years of experience don’t always get the job they deserve.
your sister sucks because of her entitlement. just because you have more money does not mean you have to take her young children with on a holiday that’s far away. i understand it’s hard to hear her children complaining about not being able to go the places your children go but that’s unfortunately how things are sometimes.
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of course nta. why would you think you're an ah? disneyland is expensive. lots of people don't get to go,. if she feels it is important then her and her husband needs to work out a budget and save the money that would allow them to pay for it.
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esh. she is absolutely not entitled to anything that you have earned. your money and your trips are not owed to her or her kids. however your response stating they can't provide vacations because they don't work hard enough wasn't necessary. obviously we don't know what her and her husband do for work but still. not very nice.
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nta - disneyland is not cheap in the slightest and taking an extra 2 kids probably adds another couple hundred to the cost. i'm sure her kids would be upset at not going because i'm sure they would love it, but they'll get over it and at the end of the day, it's your money so you get to decide what you do with it. just because you could easily afford to, doesn't mean you must do so. your sister is the a-hole here for not accepting and respecting your decision and choice of finances, plus does she really think crying, begging and calling you names would increase your chances of changing your mind? i really don't understand why people do that sometimes...
so yeah i feel bad for her kids for not getting the experience yet, but she and her husband could start easily saving up to go and perhaps you could lend them some money to help with the cost of going to disney in the future (though do this at your own risk as you may never see it back) and in the meantime there are many other holidays that can be done that are way cheaper but just as fun that they can do that you could help her find.
|
esh
sorry op, but you could have just said no. i understand that it was very entitled on your sister's behalf to ask and expect you to let her kids tag along but patronizing and belittling someone over their financial situation doesn't exactly make you less of an ah.
|
esh
you’re not the ah for not taking the kids to dw. you’re the ah for telling her if she and her husband worked hard, they could provide for their kids. nothing is ever black and white. not being able to afford to travel does not mean the kids aren’t being provided for. while she was the ah for trying to guilt trip you and arguing, you acted no better.
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nta - parents are responsible for their children's holidays. they should definitely save up if they want to take their children on holiday, might not be as often as you go but they'd be able to take them in a while.
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esh. it’s unfair of her to expect this from you, but equally unkind of you to judge them for not achieving the same level of financial success.
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nta - a lot of things from my childhood have left me pretty fucked up in a lot of ways. not one of those things that fucked me up is the fact that i have never been to disney in my life. it's a want, not a need. it sounds less like they're jealous out of happenstance, and more like your sister is intentionally fostering jealousy in her children. and *that* will definitely fuck them up.
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ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.595226
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this in the usa and excuse me because i'm pretty tuckered out from a conference call. to keep this short i have a sister who is not financially well off. i on the other hand have a lot more money. my wife and i love to travel and we also love to bring our children along. we typically go overseas once or twice a year and we do travel a fair bit within the country. for my daughter's birthday we will be going to disneyland this winter. during a family event my niece came up to me and asked if she and her sister could come to disneyland with us. i was pretty confused because they are pretty young 8 and 10. my own children are 14 and 12, and it would be a massive hassle to take care of the 4 of them. i told her sorry this trip was just my family. she nodded and began crying to her mother. i did not think too much of this because it's just an expected reaction from a 8 year old girl. my sister came up to me and asked me to take her children to disneyland. i once again told her that managing 4 children would be tough, especially considering the youngest is 8. she got upset saying my children were getting all these experiences and more, while hers were getting jealous. i recommended that she take her children to disneyland and she began crying because she did not have the money. i told her disneyland was not cheap. we would be shelling out a couple thousand dollars. she still begged me and i once again refused. she then called me greedy and i countered that if she or her husband had worked for it, she could have been able to provide for her children. she then ran away crying and called me an ah. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this in the usa and excuse me because i'm pretty tuckered out from a conference call. to keep this short i have a sister who is not financially well off. i on the other hand have a lot more money. my wife and i love to travel and we also love to bring our children along. we typically go overseas once or twice a year and we do travel a fair bit within the country. for my daughter's birthday we will be going to disneyland this winter. during a family event my niece came up to me and asked if she and her sister could come to disneyland with us. i was pretty confused because they are pretty young 8 and 10. my own children are 14 and 12, and it would be a massive hassle to take care of the 4 of them. i told her sorry this trip was just my family. she nodded and began crying to her mother. i did not think too much of this because it's just an expected reaction from a 8 year old girl. my sister came up to me and asked me to take her children to disneyland. i once again told her that managing 4 children would be tough, especially considering the youngest is 8. she got upset saying my children were getting all these experiences and more, while hers were getting jealous. i recommended that she take her children to disneyland and she began crying because she did not have the money. i told her disneyland was not cheap. we would be shelling out a couple thousand dollars. she still begged me and i once again refused. she then called me greedy and i countered that if she or her husband had worked for it, she could have been able to provide for her children. she then ran away crying and called me an ah. aita? [/INST] esh. it’s unbelievably rude of her to ask, and to use your niece (presumably) to emotionally manipulate you. but you lost any moral high ground when you told her to take them herself and then shamed her for “not working hard enough”. you should have stuck to saying that this was a vacation just for your family, no matter how much she provoked you. </s>
|
AITA for insulting my brother's fiancee the same way she insults others?
|
so, this drama revolves around my brother's fiancee sarah. sarah is dramatic and gossipy. it always has to be something with her. she is always talking about someone else in a negative light behind their backs and i cannot stand it to tell you the truth. however, i put it aside because she is my future sil and i just want to keep the peace.
i and my sisters always have a girls' night out once a month. when my other brother married his wife, angie, we started to invite her out with us as well because we all like her. when sarah learned about these nights she asked to join us once she was engaged and we agreed even though most of us don't like her. sarah has never liked angie which has always made the nights harder to deal with because sarah will just ignore her. angie is an angel and puts up with it though.
last week, angie was sick and missed the night. sarah took it as an opportunity to trash-talk her all night. angie does not have a college degree, and only has her ged, and sarah would not shut up about how much of a "moron" she was all night. sarah has her masters in biology and intelligence is one of her favorite things to insult people on. well, after i got a bit drunk i had enough of it. angie is one of the sweetest people i have met and has never once said a bad thing about sarah.
after sarah finished one of her insults about angie being "the farthest from traditionally intelligent" i said, "is the reason you're insulting angie here like a coward because she's traditionally beautiful, and you're the furthest from it?" sarah is about 300 lb, and by all regards quite ugly. this is a massive trigger point for her as well, and i know she has emotional issues surrounding her weight. we got into a fight, and i ended up tearing her appearance apart point by point until she was visibly near tears. in the end, i told her i'm only doing exactly what she does when she gossips about people. i only talked about her like she talks about others, just to her face unlike her. the night was pretty much ruined by this and we all just went home separately.
well, now all hell has broken loose. sarah is demanding an apology and i will not give it to her. my sisters agree that what i said is directly in line with what sarah says about others but disagree with me and said i should not have lowered myself to her level. last night i got a call from my brother and now sarah is threatening to postpone their marriage if i don't apologize, which in my opinion says more about her than anything i could have said. but, i actually feel bad now that i have had time to think about it.
| 5,824
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y5n10b/aita_for_insulting_my_brothers_fiancee_the_same/
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2022-10-16 17:48:54
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esh....
don't apologize. she got what she deserved.
however, you guys should have called her out immediately after she started trashing angie.
tell your brother that you are not going to apologize for treating her the way she treats others.
you also should have told her that you guys didn't want to hang out with her when she first asked.
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barely esh here.
group chat to all involved including brother
"dear sarah it seems that i do indeed owe you an apology. i am sorry i was mean to you and called you ugly. i am sorry that you are so insecure that you need to tear other people own behind their backs to feel better about yourself. i am sorry that none of us set you straight the moment you did it the first time, or every time after that. i am sorry you don't understand that your behavior is very bad. and finally, i am sorry you would throw your upcoming marriage away unless we accept your bad behaviour, but from now on i won't anymore."
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nta.
sarah's insecurities are on her, if others agree you used her same degree of snark -- just against her -- you aren't the asshole.
i wouldn't give in to these demands for an apology, and when people ask i would tell them why in great detail. sarah is an asshole.
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nta. she trashed your friend and you stuck up for her.
sarah sounds extremely emotionally immature to demand that and also to threaten to postpone the wedding. your brother is in for a marriage from hell if she'd do that just to be spiteful - its controlling and narcissistic. if he hasn't got kids with this woman i'd urge you to get your brother to see her for what she is and not marry her.
let her postpone the wedding and give her time to show her true colours some more.
|
nta. she needs to grow up, your brother needs to open his eyes
|
esh you should've shut her down immediately when she started. instead you sat there and let her trash talk angie the whole night and then insulted her back for the satisfaction, not even in defence of angie per se.
if you were doing it for angie, you wouldn't have even let her get to the point where you lost control of yourself.
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nta - all sisters where there; all are on your side. that should say something to your brother who is planning on bringing her into the family.
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lmao i'd say nta. bet that felt pretty good, too.
being the "bigger person" is a bunch of nonsense. you've got your one life, why should you avoid escalating any situation. good on you for standing up for your friend.
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nta, if sarah wants to dish it she also needs to learn to take it. she’s clearly self conscious about her image, so she’s latching onto the one thing she does have going for her and using it as a mechanism to bring down others to the immense low she feels internally. hopefully that wedding is postponed indefinitely.
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nta
there is only one person in most families that can speak their mind without consequences, anyone who stoops to their level is "wrong" and "needs to apologize" for "'hurting their feelings".
it seems like your brother is choosing to get married to a woman who is eager to fill the apparent vacancy in your family.
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ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.139196
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, this drama revolves around my brother's fiancee sarah. sarah is dramatic and gossipy. it always has to be something with her. she is always talking about someone else in a negative light behind their backs and i cannot stand it to tell you the truth. however, i put it aside because she is my future sil and i just want to keep the peace. i and my sisters always have a girls' night out once a month. when my other brother married his wife, angie, we started to invite her out with us as well because we all like her. when sarah learned about these nights she asked to join us once she was engaged and we agreed even though most of us don't like her. sarah has never liked angie which has always made the nights harder to deal with because sarah will just ignore her. angie is an angel and puts up with it though. last week, angie was sick and missed the night. sarah took it as an opportunity to trash-talk her all night. angie does not have a college degree, and only has her ged, and sarah would not shut up about how much of a "moron" she was all night. sarah has her masters in biology and intelligence is one of her favorite things to insult people on. well, after i got a bit drunk i had enough of it. angie is one of the sweetest people i have met and has never once said a bad thing about sarah. after sarah finished one of her insults about angie being "the farthest from traditionally intelligent" i said, "is the reason you're insulting angie here like a coward because she's traditionally beautiful, and you're the furthest from it?" sarah is about 300 lb, and by all regards quite ugly. this is a massive trigger point for her as well, and i know she has emotional issues surrounding her weight. we got into a fight, and i ended up tearing her appearance apart point by point until she was visibly near tears. in the end, i told her i'm only doing exactly what she does when she gossips about people. i only talked about her like she talks about others, just to her face unlike her. the night was pretty much ruined by this and we all just went home separately. well, now all hell has broken loose. sarah is demanding an apology and i will not give it to her. my sisters agree that what i said is directly in line with what sarah says about others but disagree with me and said i should not have lowered myself to her level. last night i got a call from my brother and now sarah is threatening to postpone their marriage if i don't apologize, which in my opinion says more about her than anything i could have said. but, i actually feel bad now that i have had time to think about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, this drama revolves around my brother's fiancee sarah. sarah is dramatic and gossipy. it always has to be something with her. she is always talking about someone else in a negative light behind their backs and i cannot stand it to tell you the truth. however, i put it aside because she is my future sil and i just want to keep the peace. i and my sisters always have a girls' night out once a month. when my other brother married his wife, angie, we started to invite her out with us as well because we all like her. when sarah learned about these nights she asked to join us once she was engaged and we agreed even though most of us don't like her. sarah has never liked angie which has always made the nights harder to deal with because sarah will just ignore her. angie is an angel and puts up with it though. last week, angie was sick and missed the night. sarah took it as an opportunity to trash-talk her all night. angie does not have a college degree, and only has her ged, and sarah would not shut up about how much of a "moron" she was all night. sarah has her masters in biology and intelligence is one of her favorite things to insult people on. well, after i got a bit drunk i had enough of it. angie is one of the sweetest people i have met and has never once said a bad thing about sarah. after sarah finished one of her insults about angie being "the farthest from traditionally intelligent" i said, "is the reason you're insulting angie here like a coward because she's traditionally beautiful, and you're the furthest from it?" sarah is about 300 lb, and by all regards quite ugly. this is a massive trigger point for her as well, and i know she has emotional issues surrounding her weight. we got into a fight, and i ended up tearing her appearance apart point by point until she was visibly near tears. in the end, i told her i'm only doing exactly what she does when she gossips about people. i only talked about her like she talks about others, just to her face unlike her. the night was pretty much ruined by this and we all just went home separately. well, now all hell has broken loose. sarah is demanding an apology and i will not give it to her. my sisters agree that what i said is directly in line with what sarah says about others but disagree with me and said i should not have lowered myself to her level. last night i got a call from my brother and now sarah is threatening to postpone their marriage if i don't apologize, which in my opinion says more about her than anything i could have said. but, i actually feel bad now that i have had time to think about it. [/INST] esh.... don't apologize. she got what she deserved. however, you guys should have called her out immediately after she started trashing angie. tell your brother that you are not going to apologize for treating her the way she treats others. you also should have told her that you guys didn't want to hang out with her when she first asked. </s>
|
AITA for telling my niece she sounds like a cartoon character when she speaks Japanese?
|
my niece (16f) is super into japanese anime. has a little group of friends that are all super into it. draws characters and all that jazz. i watch anime too and speak japanese conversationally fluent but no means can pass as a native speaker.
anywho here's where the aita part comes in. she knows i speak japanese and has been practicing with me and it's been great. but she does this thing where she will say super common phrases from anime with these really cartoony inflections that no one really uses in real life. if you've watched anime you know what i'm talking about.
i was like "hey you know that japanese girls don't actually sound like that when they speak right"? she didn't get what i meant so i pulled up videos of girls on youtube speaking conversational japanese in regular voices.
i was like "see this is what real japanese conversation sounds like. if you ever go to japan and speak like this to a japanese person they will give you a funny look"
then to further explain my point i pulled up some clips from some american cartoons like fairly odd parents where female characters were speaking in cartoony voices and said that this is what she sounds to a japanese native speaker.
she seemed to get really bummed out and has been down during our lessons. i think it made her sad to be told that japan isn't like anime. i told my girlfriend about this and she said that i shouldnt have compared her to cartoon characters. but that's literally what she is emulating. was i am asshole here?
| 8,576
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fmlfth/aita_for_telling_my_niece_she_sounds_like_a/
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2020-03-21 20:11:29
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nah, all i needed to read was, "i think it made her sad to be told that japan isn't like anime" to know you did nothing wrong. niece isn't ta because she's 16 and has a lot to learn about the world.
best to teach her now, otherwise if she starts talking like that to a japanese person they may think she's being racist or one of those dumb westerners who have no idea what japan is actually like.
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nah. i would get really bummed to learn i was accidentally speaking with a cartoony accent this entire time. i would get over it, but i would be bummed. it possibly has nothing to do with whom she learned this information, but merely knowing.
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nah. you didn't mock her or put her down. you educated her about something she didn't know. there is a crucial difference.
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nta.
i mean, of course she's going to be a little bummed to find out this \~\*magically place\*\~ she's idolized is...actually pretty normal. but anime gives such a narrow view of japanese culture.
maybe you could try introducing her to some of other facets of the culture.
but if your niece wants to keep up her japanese "vocal fry," i would just let it go.
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nah. i don’t think she’s an ah but she definitely needs to understand it’s that pop culture is not the only aspect of japan and that only viewing japan as a place for anime can be really offensive
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nah. you made a correct analogy. you didn't do anything wrong.
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nah
she is bummed because she feels like she has done something wrong, but she didn't and neither did you. we emulate what we hear when learning a new language, so she just needs other influences on japanese speech. and you had a nice way of explaining what she was doing and why it might be better to take on a different speaking approach. overall i think this was a respectful exchange.
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nah, when i was learning japanese, i was told that i sounded like a japanese textbook from the 1990s (you'll never guess what i learnt from). i was a bit bummed at the time, but it's probably a good thing that i found out sooner rather than later. i'm pretty thankful that someone told me so that i could correct it.
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nta. in my opinion, it’s kinda like going to london and trying to speak a fake british accent. people are going to react weirdly cause it just doesn’t sound real.
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nah. americans do tend to fetishize japanese culture (logan whitehurst’s “that’s what it’s like in japan” [comes to mind](https://youtu.be/m_j2fhtxb6i)), and it’s better to bust your niece’s bubble now than later.
maybe introduce her to age-appropriate media?
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
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NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.032
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my niece (16f) is super into japanese anime. has a little group of friends that are all super into it. draws characters and all that jazz. i watch anime too and speak japanese conversationally fluent but no means can pass as a native speaker. anywho here's where the aita part comes in. she knows i speak japanese and has been practicing with me and it's been great. but she does this thing where she will say super common phrases from anime with these really cartoony inflections that no one really uses in real life. if you've watched anime you know what i'm talking about. i was like "hey you know that japanese girls don't actually sound like that when they speak right"? she didn't get what i meant so i pulled up videos of girls on youtube speaking conversational japanese in regular voices. i was like "see this is what real japanese conversation sounds like. if you ever go to japan and speak like this to a japanese person they will give you a funny look" then to further explain my point i pulled up some clips from some american cartoons like fairly odd parents where female characters were speaking in cartoony voices and said that this is what she sounds to a japanese native speaker. she seemed to get really bummed out and has been down during our lessons. i think it made her sad to be told that japan isn't like anime. i told my girlfriend about this and she said that i shouldnt have compared her to cartoon characters. but that's literally what she is emulating. was i am asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my niece (16f) is super into japanese anime. has a little group of friends that are all super into it. draws characters and all that jazz. i watch anime too and speak japanese conversationally fluent but no means can pass as a native speaker. anywho here's where the aita part comes in. she knows i speak japanese and has been practicing with me and it's been great. but she does this thing where she will say super common phrases from anime with these really cartoony inflections that no one really uses in real life. if you've watched anime you know what i'm talking about. i was like "hey you know that japanese girls don't actually sound like that when they speak right"? she didn't get what i meant so i pulled up videos of girls on youtube speaking conversational japanese in regular voices. i was like "see this is what real japanese conversation sounds like. if you ever go to japan and speak like this to a japanese person they will give you a funny look" then to further explain my point i pulled up some clips from some american cartoons like fairly odd parents where female characters were speaking in cartoony voices and said that this is what she sounds to a japanese native speaker. she seemed to get really bummed out and has been down during our lessons. i think it made her sad to be told that japan isn't like anime. i told my girlfriend about this and she said that i shouldnt have compared her to cartoon characters. but that's literally what she is emulating. was i am asshole here? [/INST] nah, all i needed to read was, "i think it made her sad to be told that japan isn't like anime" to know you did nothing wrong. niece isn't ta because she's 16 and has a lot to learn about the world. best to teach her now, otherwise if she starts talking like that to a japanese person they may think she's being racist or one of those dumb westerners who have no idea what japan is actually like. </s>
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AITA for saying my boyfriend’s roommate can’t come to Thanksgiving Dinner?
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me (26f) and my boyfriend (34m) have been dating for nearly a year and a half now. tomorrow, he’s coming to thanksgiving dinner at my dad’s house and meeting my family for the first time. i’m extremely family oriented and it’s so important to me that he’s finally meeting them. this also means the world to my family because i rarely bring men home and they’ve been wanting to meet him for a long time. he’s aware of this and how much this meeting means to me and has assured me that he’s looking forward to it too.
this afternoon, he asked if his roommate could come too. i was caught off guard and said no. i didn’t even ask my family who i’m sure would say yes, but it’s a hard boundary for me. i barely know his roommate but he’s military and will not be able to be with his own family for the holiday, which is why my boyfriend asked. i understand and appreciate his compassion and kindness but i need this event to be just him, me, and my family without his buddy who is a stranger to me. i called him to talk through it, but he’s extremely upset and wasn’t really responding. i asked if he’s still coming and he said yes. then, i asked if he’s okay and he said no but that he will be. i told him to reach out to me when he’s ready and that i understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me right now so i haven’t heard from him since the phone call a couple hours ago. i feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i’ve put my foot down in this relationship and refused to accommodate his wants. so, aita?
updates:
for more clarity and because people are making a lot of unfounded assumptions, i have briefly met his roommate (ie “hi, bye”) on multiple occasions. we barely know each other, though, because he has a schedule that makes it so he’s rarely around when i am and we’ve never had the opportunity to have a full conversation surpassing basic greetings. i made it very clear that i’d love to have him and include him in my family but the first meeting between my parents and boyfriend wasn’t the place to do so.
my boyfriend has not met my family because i’m very particular about who i bring home and will not bring someone home unless i am 100% comfortable that that is the correct choice. i’m protective of my family and don’t want them to get attached. i get it’s unconventional but it’s my choice and every party involved respects that.
i ended up apologizing to my boyfriend, asking my parents, and inviting his roommate (who wasn’t aware my bf had asked about him coming). he can’t even come anyways. i appreciate the comments, even the ones calling me a heartless monster, but no one is put out in the end.
| 9,757
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z37khg/aita_for_saying_my_boyfriends_roommate_cant_come/
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2022-11-24 02:13:35
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nah. you're allowed to set whatever boundaries you want, but don't be surprised if, after thinking it over, he decides it's a dealbreaker. people in the military together often become family to each other, so from his pov, you basically told him he has to leave a brother alone because your heart isn't big enough to include him. he'll probably honor his commitment to your family to attend, but i'll be very surprised if the relationship lasts past this weekend.
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nta. if your boyfriend was a regular attendee at your family events, this would’ve been a more reasonable ask. but to bring a guest the first time you’re a guest? that’s a lot.
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nta
first of all, asking the day before the event is fucking rude, imo. especially for something that involves a lot of cooking.
if you truly don't know the guy, it's also rude of your boyfriend to want to invite a stranger to your family's house for a holiday.
yes, maybe thanksgiving is supposed to be about generosity and giving, but i would not be comfortable asking my parents if a stranger can come to our house for thanksgiving.
my dad is military, so i get the whole being away from your family for the holidays. but if the man is in his 30s, it's likely not his first thanksgiving away from home? and why would he want to spend it with strangers?? idgi.
your boyfriend has the right to be upset about the decision, but you also have the right to say no. it's weird, to me. if you knew the guy, then yeah, you'd be the asshole for saying no. but he's almost a stranger so...no thank you.
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info :
“i feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i’ve put my foot down in this relationship and refused to accommodate his wants.” so, aita?
as i read your post, this dynamic is what really caught my attention. does he have a history of waiting until the last minute to make some sort of demand? does he reciprocate for you?
edit : thank you for the awards!
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if this was valentine’s day or your parents’ anniversary, i’d understand better. thanksgiving and christmas are typically about giving and generosity. i think it would’ve been better for everyone if you had let the roommate join. i personally think it would’ve been good to see the bf interact with people he just met along with someone he is comfortable with. on the other hand now, your bf has now seen this side of you and he may not like it. was it worth the risk of him thinking differently of you?
soft yta.
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nta, it would be one thing if your bf had already met your family and they'd known him for a while, but this is his first time meeting him. it should be just you and him going to thanksgiving with your family.
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>this is one of the rare events where i’ve put my foot down in this relationship and refused to accommodate his wants.
i expect to get pushback for this but... i have to say something because this rings alarm bells in my head. please don't be guilted when you stand up for yourself. sacrificing yourself for someone else's wants only ends in tears. he should not have sprung this on you at the last minute and he should not be taking it as some personal affront. proceed with at least some caution, and pay attention to his reaction any time you say "no" in future.
(nta)
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nta, it’s your family. honestly…who cares if he’s military that really isn’t your problem nor your responsibility to host him. you are clear what you want this visit to be about so i think your so should try to understand that.
|
info
> i barely know his roommate but he’s military and will not be able to be with his own family for the holiday, which is why my boyfriend asked.
can you explain this further? if he's not deployed or on a military base, but is instead living in a private apartment as your boyfriend's roommate whey can't he enjoy thanksgiving with his family?
and why did he just ask this on wednesday afternoon, after people have already planned the number of dinner guests, bought the food, etc.?
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no. this is a first time meet. no advance notice? forget it. nta.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.131625
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (26f) and my boyfriend (34m) have been dating for nearly a year and a half now. tomorrow, he’s coming to thanksgiving dinner at my dad’s house and meeting my family for the first time. i’m extremely family oriented and it’s so important to me that he’s finally meeting them. this also means the world to my family because i rarely bring men home and they’ve been wanting to meet him for a long time. he’s aware of this and how much this meeting means to me and has assured me that he’s looking forward to it too. this afternoon, he asked if his roommate could come too. i was caught off guard and said no. i didn’t even ask my family who i’m sure would say yes, but it’s a hard boundary for me. i barely know his roommate but he’s military and will not be able to be with his own family for the holiday, which is why my boyfriend asked. i understand and appreciate his compassion and kindness but i need this event to be just him, me, and my family without his buddy who is a stranger to me. i called him to talk through it, but he’s extremely upset and wasn’t really responding. i asked if he’s still coming and he said yes. then, i asked if he’s okay and he said no but that he will be. i told him to reach out to me when he’s ready and that i understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me right now so i haven’t heard from him since the phone call a couple hours ago. i feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i’ve put my foot down in this relationship and refused to accommodate his wants. so, aita? updates: for more clarity and because people are making a lot of unfounded assumptions, i have briefly met his roommate (ie “hi, bye”) on multiple occasions. we barely know each other, though, because he has a schedule that makes it so he’s rarely around when i am and we’ve never had the opportunity to have a full conversation surpassing basic greetings. i made it very clear that i’d love to have him and include him in my family but the first meeting between my parents and boyfriend wasn’t the place to do so. my boyfriend has not met my family because i’m very particular about who i bring home and will not bring someone home unless i am 100% comfortable that that is the correct choice. i’m protective of my family and don’t want them to get attached. i get it’s unconventional but it’s my choice and every party involved respects that. i ended up apologizing to my boyfriend, asking my parents, and inviting his roommate (who wasn’t aware my bf had asked about him coming). he can’t even come anyways. i appreciate the comments, even the ones calling me a heartless monster, but no one is put out in the end.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (26f) and my boyfriend (34m) have been dating for nearly a year and a half now. tomorrow, he’s coming to thanksgiving dinner at my dad’s house and meeting my family for the first time. i’m extremely family oriented and it’s so important to me that he’s finally meeting them. this also means the world to my family because i rarely bring men home and they’ve been wanting to meet him for a long time. he’s aware of this and how much this meeting means to me and has assured me that he’s looking forward to it too. this afternoon, he asked if his roommate could come too. i was caught off guard and said no. i didn’t even ask my family who i’m sure would say yes, but it’s a hard boundary for me. i barely know his roommate but he’s military and will not be able to be with his own family for the holiday, which is why my boyfriend asked. i understand and appreciate his compassion and kindness but i need this event to be just him, me, and my family without his buddy who is a stranger to me. i called him to talk through it, but he’s extremely upset and wasn’t really responding. i asked if he’s still coming and he said yes. then, i asked if he’s okay and he said no but that he will be. i told him to reach out to me when he’s ready and that i understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me right now so i haven’t heard from him since the phone call a couple hours ago. i feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i’ve put my foot down in this relationship and refused to accommodate his wants. so, aita? updates: for more clarity and because people are making a lot of unfounded assumptions, i have briefly met his roommate (ie “hi, bye”) on multiple occasions. we barely know each other, though, because he has a schedule that makes it so he’s rarely around when i am and we’ve never had the opportunity to have a full conversation surpassing basic greetings. i made it very clear that i’d love to have him and include him in my family but the first meeting between my parents and boyfriend wasn’t the place to do so. my boyfriend has not met my family because i’m very particular about who i bring home and will not bring someone home unless i am 100% comfortable that that is the correct choice. i’m protective of my family and don’t want them to get attached. i get it’s unconventional but it’s my choice and every party involved respects that. i ended up apologizing to my boyfriend, asking my parents, and inviting his roommate (who wasn’t aware my bf had asked about him coming). he can’t even come anyways. i appreciate the comments, even the ones calling me a heartless monster, but no one is put out in the end. [/INST] nah. you're allowed to set whatever boundaries you want, but don't be surprised if, after thinking it over, he decides it's a dealbreaker. people in the military together often become family to each other, so from his pov, you basically told him he has to leave a brother alone because your heart isn't big enough to include him. he'll probably honor his commitment to your family to attend, but i'll be very surprised if the relationship lasts past this weekend. </s>
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AITA for sneaking food into school even though there’s a student with severe allergies?
|
so i’m a senior in high school this year, and because of my schedule, i don’t have any free periods, lunches, or study halls. apparently i needed another art credit to graduate, and the only available art class was the period i would have had lunch (small school) so now i have to skip lunch and take art if i want to graduate on time.
anyway, i assumed it would work like it did last year. every semester there are a few seniors whose schedules are all fucky, so teachers just let them eat in class or let them sign out to go to the cafeteria or nurse. except our school changed its policy this year, because one freshman has some allergies.
the new rule is absolutely no eating anywhere in the building except one section of the cafeteria during specific periods. you can’t even have drinks in the classrooms (just in case your gatorade is secretly harboring peanuts, i guess) or take your lunchbox with you to class. they’re insanely strict about it—they even made one girl throw away her breath mints—and they keep threatening to punish people for “hiding” food. and, even if you’re in the small section of the cafeteria devoted to actually eating, your food must be free of milk, eggs, soy, gluten, tree nuts, peanuts, apples, and like eight other extremely common ingredients found in practically everything. because of the restrictions, most people just buy the (terrible) school food.
now, i can’t do that, because i’m in class for the entire time the cafeteria is open. the administration told the teachers to grant students who don’t have lunches passes so they can go buy food, but that process takes at least twenty minutes every time. you have to get a pass, get the teacher to sign the pass, get the teacher to sign your “agenda log,” sign out of class, sign into the cafeteria, get the cafeteria monitor to log you on the attendance sheet, wait in line, etc, and that’s before you can even eat. almost all of my classes are aps, so the teachers are not happy about giving kids lunch passes that excuse them from nearly half of class every single day.
normally i don’t even mind not having food, because school is like 7 to 2:30, but now clubs are starting up. sports and clubs can easily make it so i don’t get home until 5 or later, meaning i have to go a solid ten hours without eating. i’m on a course of antibiotics that makes me vomit unless i take it with food, and i’m not supposed to have ten hours between doses. what i’ve been doing is sneaking food into the back of the library while i wait for clubs to begin, since it’s too crowded for anyone to notice.
the reason i’m concerned about being an asshole is that i know the allergy kid—all the allergies are real, and pretty severe. i don’t want to give her anaphylaxis because i contaminated a library table with apples or something. at the same time, though, i have meds to take, i have to eat, and the school administration won’t help me. aita?
| 3,873
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2wv5f/aita_for_sneaking_food_into_school_even_though/
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2019-09-11 20:56:33
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nah, the school is desperately trying to cover it's own ass to keep from being sued to death by that kid's parents. not your fault though and at the moment at least you have a legit medical reason as well why you have to eat.
if talking to the school admins directly isn't helping, get your parents involved.
unfortunately it may have to come down to threats of both sides lawyering up before the school will budge (soon as it realizes it's boned either way, it will likely start trying to compromise).
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nah i would probably challenge the administration to handle your health needs as well. while care to not kill one student doesn't negate other students needs.
it makes me wonder what they'd do with a diabetic student. "sorry you're sort of passing out at the moment, but that candy you're trying to eat is forbidden."
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nta. as an australian this whole thing seems ludicrous. not having a lunch break, needing extra credit to graduate high school, the whole thing seems crazy. every kid should get a morning tea and lunch break.
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your school failed you when they allowed your lunch to be filled with a class. that should've never happened. talk to a school counselor and see if you can take one of your classes as an after school/weekend/computer class.
your school needs to talk to this lady:
[https://www.allergicliving.com/2017/06/15/opinion-bans-arent-the-answer-but-montreal-school-boards-allergy-policy-raises-serious-concerns/](https://www.allergicliving.com/2017/06/15/opinion-bans-arent-the-answer-but-montreal-school-boards-allergy-policy-raises-serious-concerns/)
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info: have you discussed this with an administrator? if their process in the cafeteria is causing bottlenecks, they need to reevaluate it. if a teacher objects, explain the escalation you made to an administrator. i would ask one teacher to release you early at the end of class, use passing time and the beginning of the next class to get food.
it sounds like they have what they think is a practical solution but they don't know what they're don't know so they have to see where the process breaks. tell them.
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nta. your school is the asshole. high fives for being as respectful to the situation as possible, but your health is important too. as long as it's in a bag and you're washing your hands after it's not going to be a problem. moving throughout the real world in general is not even remotely as allergen free as that. that's a rough and very ambitious schedule, lunch can't be the only time allotted for eating. there was such a movement with the school breakfast initiatives and health eating programs. the education was put out there that developing minds need fuel. you don't learn as well when you're hungry. quick tip for some extra fuel that you can use in the bathroom (hear me out) are the gu energy gels or cliff shots. pop the top and shoot it down, it's not like you'd be setting up a meal on the toilet or just inside the door if nobody is in there.
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nta. the school can't keep you from eating, pretty sure that's illegal.
also i highly doubt the girl is allergic to everything.
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nta: holy shit does this freshman die if they even see a peanut? that is far too extreme of a rule
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nta. the school is causing a huge inconvenience to 99.9% of the students.
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there it is.. counter allergy kid with your own list of demands from a physician saying you must eat all of these foods constantly or you will die.. nta.. in all seriousness, why is the entire school on food lockdown from this one kid? if it really is that dangerous she needs to be homeschooled or quarantined
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.016912
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’m a senior in high school this year, and because of my schedule, i don’t have any free periods, lunches, or study halls. apparently i needed another art credit to graduate, and the only available art class was the period i would have had lunch (small school) so now i have to skip lunch and take art if i want to graduate on time. anyway, i assumed it would work like it did last year. every semester there are a few seniors whose schedules are all fucky, so teachers just let them eat in class or let them sign out to go to the cafeteria or nurse. except our school changed its policy this year, because one freshman has some allergies. the new rule is absolutely no eating anywhere in the building except one section of the cafeteria during specific periods. you can’t even have drinks in the classrooms (just in case your gatorade is secretly harboring peanuts, i guess) or take your lunchbox with you to class. they’re insanely strict about it—they even made one girl throw away her breath mints—and they keep threatening to punish people for “hiding” food. and, even if you’re in the small section of the cafeteria devoted to actually eating, your food must be free of milk, eggs, soy, gluten, tree nuts, peanuts, apples, and like eight other extremely common ingredients found in practically everything. because of the restrictions, most people just buy the (terrible) school food. now, i can’t do that, because i’m in class for the entire time the cafeteria is open. the administration told the teachers to grant students who don’t have lunches passes so they can go buy food, but that process takes at least twenty minutes every time. you have to get a pass, get the teacher to sign the pass, get the teacher to sign your “agenda log,” sign out of class, sign into the cafeteria, get the cafeteria monitor to log you on the attendance sheet, wait in line, etc, and that’s before you can even eat. almost all of my classes are aps, so the teachers are not happy about giving kids lunch passes that excuse them from nearly half of class every single day. normally i don’t even mind not having food, because school is like 7 to 2:30, but now clubs are starting up. sports and clubs can easily make it so i don’t get home until 5 or later, meaning i have to go a solid ten hours without eating. i’m on a course of antibiotics that makes me vomit unless i take it with food, and i’m not supposed to have ten hours between doses. what i’ve been doing is sneaking food into the back of the library while i wait for clubs to begin, since it’s too crowded for anyone to notice. the reason i’m concerned about being an asshole is that i know the allergy kid—all the allergies are real, and pretty severe. i don’t want to give her anaphylaxis because i contaminated a library table with apples or something. at the same time, though, i have meds to take, i have to eat, and the school administration won’t help me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i’m a senior in high school this year, and because of my schedule, i don’t have any free periods, lunches, or study halls. apparently i needed another art credit to graduate, and the only available art class was the period i would have had lunch (small school) so now i have to skip lunch and take art if i want to graduate on time. anyway, i assumed it would work like it did last year. every semester there are a few seniors whose schedules are all fucky, so teachers just let them eat in class or let them sign out to go to the cafeteria or nurse. except our school changed its policy this year, because one freshman has some allergies. the new rule is absolutely no eating anywhere in the building except one section of the cafeteria during specific periods. you can’t even have drinks in the classrooms (just in case your gatorade is secretly harboring peanuts, i guess) or take your lunchbox with you to class. they’re insanely strict about it—they even made one girl throw away her breath mints—and they keep threatening to punish people for “hiding” food. and, even if you’re in the small section of the cafeteria devoted to actually eating, your food must be free of milk, eggs, soy, gluten, tree nuts, peanuts, apples, and like eight other extremely common ingredients found in practically everything. because of the restrictions, most people just buy the (terrible) school food. now, i can’t do that, because i’m in class for the entire time the cafeteria is open. the administration told the teachers to grant students who don’t have lunches passes so they can go buy food, but that process takes at least twenty minutes every time. you have to get a pass, get the teacher to sign the pass, get the teacher to sign your “agenda log,” sign out of class, sign into the cafeteria, get the cafeteria monitor to log you on the attendance sheet, wait in line, etc, and that’s before you can even eat. almost all of my classes are aps, so the teachers are not happy about giving kids lunch passes that excuse them from nearly half of class every single day. normally i don’t even mind not having food, because school is like 7 to 2:30, but now clubs are starting up. sports and clubs can easily make it so i don’t get home until 5 or later, meaning i have to go a solid ten hours without eating. i’m on a course of antibiotics that makes me vomit unless i take it with food, and i’m not supposed to have ten hours between doses. what i’ve been doing is sneaking food into the back of the library while i wait for clubs to begin, since it’s too crowded for anyone to notice. the reason i’m concerned about being an asshole is that i know the allergy kid—all the allergies are real, and pretty severe. i don’t want to give her anaphylaxis because i contaminated a library table with apples or something. at the same time, though, i have meds to take, i have to eat, and the school administration won’t help me. aita? [/INST] nah, the school is desperately trying to cover it's own ass to keep from being sued to death by that kid's parents. not your fault though and at the moment at least you have a legit medical reason as well why you have to eat. if talking to the school admins directly isn't helping, get your parents involved. unfortunately it may have to come down to threats of both sides lawyering up before the school will budge (soon as it realizes it's boned either way, it will likely start trying to compromise). </s>
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AITA for leaving the family restaurant and starting my own after finding out I wouldn't inherit it?
|
my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather.
i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree.
i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died.
i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing.
now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well.
my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it.
i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue.
the family restaurant however, is going under.
now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined.
aita?
| 27,051
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gul6fn/aita_for_leaving_the_family_restaurant_and/
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2020-06-01 14:02:54
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nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you.
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nta. blaming his restaurant's failure on your success is unfair. if it wasn't you, it could very easily wind up being a different competition eventually. you had to do what you had to do to secure your future...he should be proud of your success.
also, maybe i'm misreading here...but the family business wasn't setup for people to get takeout pizza???
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nta.
feels like your dad made that decision with his heart and not his head.
like you have stated in your comments. your step mom doesn’t know anything about running a business and you literally are going for a business degree.
on top of that, you have proved that you can run a business and be successful.
your dad’s loss. he could have figured out a better situation with you still inheriting the store. but he didn’t. he took your hard work for granted.
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nta. you needed to secure your financial future just like he needed to secure his wife’s. not your fault you did a better job. maybe offer to buy him out so he will “get something out of it”.
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nta- you found out you wouldn't inherit the business as expected so you set up your own successful enterprise. nothing wrong with that and good on you.
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nta. this sort of thing is exactly why my dad didn't finalize his will until he'd sat down and talked to me and my step mom together and let us come to a decision. he could have just as easily split ownership of the shop until your stepmom died and chose not to and now he's suffering the consequences of his actions. and clearly, his child is better able to run a successful business in the modern world than he and his wife are.
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seems like a nta to me, you worked there your whole life and he just leaves it to your stepmom. the grandfather wouldn't be okay with this too i would say.
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nah. you dad has the right to will his business to whomever he chooses. you have the right to set up your own business and put your efforts into that since if/when your family restaurant becoming yours is now in flux.
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nta - i saw in one of your comments that you don’t get along with your step mom and she has children of her own. let’s be realistic, she would probably leave the business to them and not you. you needed to take control of your life and it’s good you have your own business now. your fathers restaurant isn’t failing because of you, it’s because he can’t adapt.
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nta. you did not cause his business to go under. superior product will always keep customers coming back.
too bad he didn't see your value prior to you leaving. sometimes people don't realize how good things are until life slaps them in the face.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita? [/INST] nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you. </s>
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AITA for not having a relationship with a child born out of my dad's affair?
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i'm 24, and my younger sisters are 22 and 20.
when i was 10, my dad left my mom for a woman he was having an affair with. their baby was born a few months later.
i didn't go for visitation and would only see my father alone a few times a month. eventually, my sisters followed me and refused to visit in his home.
my half brother is now 14. my siblings and i do not have any relationship with him. we don't blame him but we are just happier keeping things separated.
our half brother has messaged all three of us separately on instagram a few times. my youngest sister was the only one who replied and basically told him sorry but it's best to keep things the way they are. i've just never responded.
the last time we had a dinner with our dad, he brought our half brother along. the three of us left quietly without eating and i later cursed out my dad for creating a very shitty situation. all three of us haven't talked to our dad since.
i'm sorry if our dad and half brother are hurt but unfortunately it's a crappy situation and we're happy as we are.
aita?
| 6,310
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihm55c/aita_for_not_having_a_relationship_with_a_child/
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2020-08-27 14:36:27
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info, why do you maintain a relationship with your dad, who is the biggest a here, but refuse to talk to his kid? i could see cutting dad off and thus functionally the kid, but it makes zero sense to keep the old man around if you're not going to accept your brother.
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esh.
my first thought was you aren't ta. but it's been 14 years. not your half-brother's fault. at 24, you should be mature enough to see that and at least be civil. not saying you have to like him or want a relationship with him, but he deserves, at a minimum, the same respect you'd give the person standing behind you in the checkout line.
ask yourself what your reaction would've been if your father had brought a total stranger to the dinner. you might have been a bit uncomfortable, but would you have walked out without eating? that difference in attitude, right there, is your problem and makes you ta. what you did is a form of bullying. no different than moving seats when the "weird girl" in school sits beside you.
which leaves me wondering what exactly happened when you were 10 that leaves you so bitter, petty and vengeful. your parents, both father *and* mother, deserve some share of the blame for handling this so badly that you and your younger sisters are still traumatized.
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yta. i really give you a full pass for what happened when you were a child. you were still learning the world yourself, when it was upturned.
now you’re an adult. so are your sisters. and he’s a child. and no matter what the nuances of the circumstances are, the facts are that at the end of the three adult women can’t get their shit together to be kind to a child.
what’s even shittier is that apparently you’re still willing to have a relationship with your dad, the man who put you in this position, but not the child, who is innocent??? yikes.
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esh -
i'm honestly surprised at the number of people who are letting you off the hook for this. was your father a jerk for bringing your brother along without telling you? absolutely. was he an unforgivable asshole for cheating? yes.
but this kid is your brother. he's a teenager, and he's reaching out to his sisters, who want nothing to do with him because of stuff that is not his fault. *imagine* that. imagine growing up, knowing you had a family out there who didn't want to know you because of the circumstances of how you were born.
that's just so devastating and sad. you are holding a kid accountable for something for your father did. i guess if you don't want to know him, that's your choice. but it absolutely makes you an asshole. don't kid yourself.
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info: so the one person that was the giant arsehole here, is the person you're still willing to see, but the kid gets punished for your dad being an arsehole?
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i was your brother. i was the kid that was the product of an affair. my mother and father dated in high school, but she's white and he was black so they were kept apart. he went into the military and was married off to a black woman. he came home to visit, saw my mom, and here i come.
they didn't want me to be caught up in their drama, so they agreed she would raise me alone. i grew up with no family on my father's side. when i was in high school i found out that he lived in the same city, and dead ass had a whole entire family. he was 10 miles away from me and i didn't even know he existed.
long story short, i had three brothers and sisters. i was so curious to meet them. my oldest sibling was 4 months older than me, that math explains itself. she hated me. it was so hard to feel such anger and pain from someone i'd never met and desperately wanted to know. i literally paid for the sins of my parents, and at 17 that was a very heavy load to carry.
look, no one is asking you to be besties. i met my other siblings and we still talk. we see each other every now and again, we've met each others kids, but we're more good friends than family. and that's ok. you don't have to form an instant family with this kid. but i promise you, what you're doing is not hurting your father or his former mistress, it's hurting a kid who just wants to meet his sisters. ignoring him will not make the affair or your father leaving go away, you will never be able to unring that bell. but let go of the anger and resentment. throw the kid a bone. you're not obligated to do it, i know that. but even talking to the kid once would help all of you move past such a shitty and traumatic time in your lives. edit for spelling and clarity
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esh except your half brother. yeah, your dad cheated and that’s shitty and i’m sure the idea of having a relationship with his offspring makes things tense with your mom but the reality is the kid is just looking for some connection with you because you share dna and family and instead, your indifference is perceived as resentment and even though you don’t mean it like that because you just “want to keep things separate,” it’s still hurtful and disappointing to the kid.
for perspective: i am the result of an affair. only 2 out of 3 of my half siblings acknowledge my existence and it’s hard. it isn’t my fault. i’m not to blame for my parent’s actions. i’m just the tangible evidence of an affair.
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nta - walking out of the dinner was a little rude but you’re not an ah for not wanting a relationship. as long as you realize (which you do) that it wasn’t your half brother’s fault i don’t think you’re an ah. it’s a painful situation and the half brother is a reminder of that, it’s understandable.
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nta and i’m amazed by the number of comments from people who seem to think that it is the responsibility of the original children from the original family to create and facilitate a relationship with the child of a whole other family. he does have a family. he doesn’t have siblings within that family. nothing was done while these kids were still kids to facilitate this relationship and that shows. op was ten when her father abandoned her family to create this family. the only people responsible for this kid’s welfare and understanding of the situation are his parents and i have no doubt he’s been fed a crock about how they just got divorced and then met and fell in love and had him. the father set up this entire situation to force the daughters into this.
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nta. i’m on your side, op. i agree with everyone that it’s not the kids fault... but your dad knew you want nothing to do with him and brought him along anyways. that’s hardcore manipulation, and put you in an awkward situation after your younger sister explained why y’all weren’t interested in a relationship.
i would say, though, respond back to the boy. explain that it’s nothing at all to do with him. maybe when y’all are older and he’s not living under your dads influence that your feelings will change, but you don’t own the kid anything. my dad cheated on my mom and i’ve gone
14 years without meeting the gf and i pray to the gods i make it 14 more.
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.646108
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 24, and my younger sisters are 22 and 20. when i was 10, my dad left my mom for a woman he was having an affair with. their baby was born a few months later. i didn't go for visitation and would only see my father alone a few times a month. eventually, my sisters followed me and refused to visit in his home. my half brother is now 14. my siblings and i do not have any relationship with him. we don't blame him but we are just happier keeping things separated. our half brother has messaged all three of us separately on instagram a few times. my youngest sister was the only one who replied and basically told him sorry but it's best to keep things the way they are. i've just never responded. the last time we had a dinner with our dad, he brought our half brother along. the three of us left quietly without eating and i later cursed out my dad for creating a very shitty situation. all three of us haven't talked to our dad since. i'm sorry if our dad and half brother are hurt but unfortunately it's a crappy situation and we're happy as we are. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 24, and my younger sisters are 22 and 20. when i was 10, my dad left my mom for a woman he was having an affair with. their baby was born a few months later. i didn't go for visitation and would only see my father alone a few times a month. eventually, my sisters followed me and refused to visit in his home. my half brother is now 14. my siblings and i do not have any relationship with him. we don't blame him but we are just happier keeping things separated. our half brother has messaged all three of us separately on instagram a few times. my youngest sister was the only one who replied and basically told him sorry but it's best to keep things the way they are. i've just never responded. the last time we had a dinner with our dad, he brought our half brother along. the three of us left quietly without eating and i later cursed out my dad for creating a very shitty situation. all three of us haven't talked to our dad since. i'm sorry if our dad and half brother are hurt but unfortunately it's a crappy situation and we're happy as we are. aita? [/INST] info, why do you maintain a relationship with your dad, who is the biggest a here, but refuse to talk to his kid? i could see cutting dad off and thus functionally the kid, but it makes zero sense to keep the old man around if you're not going to accept your brother. </s>
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AITA for refusing to take off my necklace for my sister's wedding?
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throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious.
i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me.
a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme."
i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale.
she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita?
| 9,567
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wty2zb/aita_for_refusing_to_take_off_my_necklace_for_my/
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2022-08-21 12:08:42
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yta she’s not asking you to throw it away. it seems like a reasonable request to remove it for a few hours. it sounds like you are just being difficult for the sake of it.
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esh. you say you take it off to go swimming, so what was the big deal to take it off for a few hours for the wedding? and of course her behavior yelling and berating you wasn’t acceptable. but really, she wasn’t asking you to cut your hair, or lose weight, she was asking you to change your necklace for less than a day. i think it’s best for everyone if you’re not in the wedding.
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yta… you are willing to take it off when you swim and shower but not for a few hours on your sisters wedding day?
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esh: your sister went from calm to hurricane in a second. not necessary.
it is her wedding. she's not asking you to cut your hair or cover a tattoo with makeup. she's asking you to not wear a necklace.
find a compromise. you'll tuck it in your purse or bra for the wedding and pictures, but wear it for the reception. you'll wear it like a bracelet so it can be hidden by the flowers during pictures.
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yta, you take it off regularly. you won't get struck by lightning if you wear other jewelry at your sister's wedding for a few hours.
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esh. her for being rude/mean after you said no, but if you are willing to take the necklace off for a couple of hours to go swimming, then i’m confused as to why you’d refuse to do the same for this wedding.
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youre sure its just a small cross?
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oof, i’m gonna say nah.
if it’s that important and sentimental to you i can fully understand why you’d want to wear it or feel uncomfortable taking it off.
but in general it’s not uncommon for a bride to determine what jewelry her bridal party is going to wear, or set reasonable limits on what types of metals or accessories they can have. it may be that the religious connotation of the necklace is an issue for the bride or the groom.
i’d have to see the necklace to make a judgement either way in your claim of “small cross” or her claim of “gaudy jewelry” i suspect it’s actually somewhere in between.
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yta. it’s not a tattoo that she’s asking you to remove, it’s a necklace. please don’t let this be the hill you die on; it’s one day, but it’s one of the most important day of your sister’s life.
and btw, you shouldn’t wear it when you’re sleeping; i worked at a jewelry store, and i can’t tell you the number of people who came in with broken necklaces because they slept in them and it got tangled in something.
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i’m gonna go nta here. my sister did this to us at her wedding .. asking me and other bridesmaids to remove jewelry that was important to us. she even asked her best friend to remove a ring that was given to her by her deceased father and she wanted me to remove my engagement ring. it’s not an ok ask. that’s called being a bridezilla. it’s just a cross necklace, how the heck will it clash with the theme of the wedding? is the devil going to be there ? if it’s a sentimental piece of jewelry that you always wear it’s unreasonable to ask someone to remove it.
thanks for the awards ! 🎉
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.2114
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious. i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me. a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme." i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale. she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious. i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me. a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme." i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale. she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita? [/INST] yta she’s not asking you to throw it away. it seems like a reasonable request to remove it for a few hours. it sounds like you are just being difficult for the sake of it. </s>
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AITA for having a college fund for my niece and not my nephew
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*throwaway
*on mobile
*english is not my first language
*i'll convert tithe currencies to the us dollar since it's a more well known currency
i (34m) own a restaurant and i offered my niece and nephew(twins both 18 now) a job at the restaurant during weekends and school holidays when they were both 15 my niece agreed but my nephew got a job that would allow him to work with his friends and didn't expect my offer (i had no problem with this)
when my niece started working and asked if i could pay her half of her salary and save the rest up for her, she told me that she could use the money for college or a car. i was very impressed at her wanting to save up and i offered to pay her in full but save and amount equal to her wages for her( she was earning double), she was being paid ~$11 and i was saving another ~$11 for her for every hour she worked. my niece worked friday's and also weekends and school holidays. my niece has a decent following on social media you can even call her influencer so i also paid her $107(this was also saved and was increased with her increasing popularity) for every post she made on instagram about my place
my niece and nephew are about to finish high school and i told my niece i had saved up about $63 000 for her to go to university and i transferred the money to her account. i then got a call from my thanking me for the money and asking when was my nephew receiving his share, i told him i had nothing saved up for him since i only made a deal with my niece.
my brother flipped out he said i was being unfair and my nephew was very upset since he had to take out significant loans to go to university while his sister got a free ride. i told my brother that it was not my fault that my nephew had nothing saved up. my brother and his wife have been sending me insulting text messages saying i should split the money in half, this made me angry and i said i can't split money which isn't mine that would be up to my niece( i told not to btw because she worked hard for that money) and i also told my brother that if he was so worried about his children's education he should have saved up for them because he had 18 years to do so, i saved $63 000 in 3 years.
my brother is now accusing me of showing of wealth because i earn more than him and trying to devide his family and punshing my nephew for not accepting my job offer and for showing favouritism towards my niece.
aita
| 8,002
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hptovn/aita_for_having_a_college_fund_for_my_niece_and/
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2020-07-12 12:33:13
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info: did you make your nephew aware of the great deal he was missing out on when he chose to rather work with his friends or was your and your nieces saving deal kept a secret?
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nta - however, they may bully her into splitting it anyway. once you give it to her, it's hers to do as she pleases so don't be surprised if that happens.
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nta, but help your niece get out of this gracefully, too. give them an idea of the hours your niece worked to earn this money, and ask your nephew when he'd like to start working to earn money in the same way. this is not a gift. these are wages she earned, in agreement with her employer.
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info: once you made the deal with your niece, did you tell the nephew and offer it to him to? or let him know that the offer was available if he changed his mind and decided to come and work with you?
if not, it could have seemed to him like a done deal. from what i gather, the deal was made after she became employed with you. this significantly changes the offer, but the nephew may have felt like he missed out because he hadnt already agreed to work with you.
is it also possible for him to begin working with you with the same deal? he might defer further study by a year or two to save up that way, and end up with fewer loans, or work with you in breaks to put a dent in the debt from the loans?
|
nta. but if i was you, i would do what another poster advised-- print out an accounting of how many hours your niece worked for you, and how many posts she made. (so: 3 years, at $11 per hour, assuming 1 post per week à $107, means that niece worked 26 hours per week for you on average).
conclude this with "i am willing to give nephew the same amount of money, provided he works the same number of hours for me. i don't know if nephew is working on instagram like niece, but i am willing to look at his social media and make him a fair offer. please let me know what he decides."
|
nta. i get that it might seem unfair that one is getting 63k and the other is getting nothing, since 63k is not a small sum of money.
but, you made the offer to both of them, it isn't favouritism, nor is it your fault that only your niece accepted it good on you for telling your niece to keep her hard-earned money!
your brother is also the ah for accusing you of showing off your wealth when you'd already saved 63k for his daughter's university education.
|
nta - personally, i think you are an amazing uncle. your niece is great, too. did her brother just spend all the money he had worked for without even trying to save anything for college?
|
yta (possibly esh). you said that you gave them both the same deal. i don't believe you did that based on what you've said. you offered them jobs he declined. your niece said "split my salary" you then doubled her salary. later you said something that you offered it to the nephew, i don't think you were clear. i don't think you said "i'm going to pay you $11/hr and then save 11/hr for you." i think you said "i'm going to split your salary and save half of it." to anyone hearing that would go "so, instead of making $11 i'm going to make $5.50? no thanks." then on top of that your niece is an "influencer" and you paid her $107 per ad. that right there makes it unfair to your nephew because he isn't an influencer and his sister making 10x the hourly wage for one picture. he could do an ad for you but it wouldn't do anything because he doesn't have a following. you also only offered that to her after she started working for you.
the esh comes in based on the reactions to the $63k but honestly, i don't think you were honest and so they have every right to feel swindled.
|
nta.
you were compensating an employee in a manner that you mutually agreed on.
|
nta
nta
ask your niece to give it back to you so that you can make sure she gets the whole amount and not have to split it (or somehow end up with her parents claiming it for their expenses). her money is not safe.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.106132
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: *throwaway *on mobile *english is not my first language *i'll convert tithe currencies to the us dollar since it's a more well known currency i (34m) own a restaurant and i offered my niece and nephew(twins both 18 now) a job at the restaurant during weekends and school holidays when they were both 15 my niece agreed but my nephew got a job that would allow him to work with his friends and didn't expect my offer (i had no problem with this) when my niece started working and asked if i could pay her half of her salary and save the rest up for her, she told me that she could use the money for college or a car. i was very impressed at her wanting to save up and i offered to pay her in full but save and amount equal to her wages for her( she was earning double), she was being paid ~$11 and i was saving another ~$11 for her for every hour she worked. my niece worked friday's and also weekends and school holidays. my niece has a decent following on social media you can even call her influencer so i also paid her $107(this was also saved and was increased with her increasing popularity) for every post she made on instagram about my place my niece and nephew are about to finish high school and i told my niece i had saved up about $63 000 for her to go to university and i transferred the money to her account. i then got a call from my thanking me for the money and asking when was my nephew receiving his share, i told him i had nothing saved up for him since i only made a deal with my niece. my brother flipped out he said i was being unfair and my nephew was very upset since he had to take out significant loans to go to university while his sister got a free ride. i told my brother that it was not my fault that my nephew had nothing saved up. my brother and his wife have been sending me insulting text messages saying i should split the money in half, this made me angry and i said i can't split money which isn't mine that would be up to my niece( i told not to btw because she worked hard for that money) and i also told my brother that if he was so worried about his children's education he should have saved up for them because he had 18 years to do so, i saved $63 000 in 3 years. my brother is now accusing me of showing of wealth because i earn more than him and trying to devide his family and punshing my nephew for not accepting my job offer and for showing favouritism towards my niece. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
*throwaway *on mobile *english is not my first language *i'll convert tithe currencies to the us dollar since it's a more well known currency i (34m) own a restaurant and i offered my niece and nephew(twins both 18 now) a job at the restaurant during weekends and school holidays when they were both 15 my niece agreed but my nephew got a job that would allow him to work with his friends and didn't expect my offer (i had no problem with this) when my niece started working and asked if i could pay her half of her salary and save the rest up for her, she told me that she could use the money for college or a car. i was very impressed at her wanting to save up and i offered to pay her in full but save and amount equal to her wages for her( she was earning double), she was being paid ~$11 and i was saving another ~$11 for her for every hour she worked. my niece worked friday's and also weekends and school holidays. my niece has a decent following on social media you can even call her influencer so i also paid her $107(this was also saved and was increased with her increasing popularity) for every post she made on instagram about my place my niece and nephew are about to finish high school and i told my niece i had saved up about $63 000 for her to go to university and i transferred the money to her account. i then got a call from my thanking me for the money and asking when was my nephew receiving his share, i told him i had nothing saved up for him since i only made a deal with my niece. my brother flipped out he said i was being unfair and my nephew was very upset since he had to take out significant loans to go to university while his sister got a free ride. i told my brother that it was not my fault that my nephew had nothing saved up. my brother and his wife have been sending me insulting text messages saying i should split the money in half, this made me angry and i said i can't split money which isn't mine that would be up to my niece( i told not to btw because she worked hard for that money) and i also told my brother that if he was so worried about his children's education he should have saved up for them because he had 18 years to do so, i saved $63 000 in 3 years. my brother is now accusing me of showing of wealth because i earn more than him and trying to devide his family and punshing my nephew for not accepting my job offer and for showing favouritism towards my niece. aita [/INST] info: did you make your nephew aware of the great deal he was missing out on when he chose to rather work with his friends or was your and your nieces saving deal kept a secret? </s>
|
AITA for telling my pregnant wife to stop acting like a child?
|
i (35m) and my wife (33f) are currently expecting our first child in december.
i live in chronic pain due to a slew of health issues, i also work a job where i'm on my feet constantly. i can't get a new job right now due to personal reasons, bur i plan to as soon as possible.
my wife quit her job right after we found out we were expecting (we always planned this)
the problem is, she's gotten really lazy. i understand pregnancy is hard, but it's gotten to the point she won't even make food or clean the house sometimes.
she's been wining and complaining constantly since the moment she took the test. she sounds like a child. (i hungry i sore, my head hurts, i'm sick, i can't shit etc) i understood these things are normal during pregnancy so as much as it annoyed me, i bit my tongue.
the second i'd get home every night, she'd want me to do something for her.
she expected me to cook and clean as soon as i got home every night.
the straw that broke the camels back happened a couple days ago.
i had just gotten home from a 10 hour shift, and was having a flair up. i just wanted to have a bath and relax because i was in so much pain.
i told her i've had a terrible day and to just dorrdash something. ( i rarely let her do this because those fees are ficking ridiculous so i thought it'd be a treat) but she said that she can only eat home-cooked meals and that everything else makes her sick.
this is where i might be the asshole.
i yelled at her and told her i've had the worst day and she needs to stop complaining and be an adult for once, she started crying. i immediately apologized over and over again but she left anyway.
a couple hours later my mil called me and called me a misogynistic cunt and a slew of other names. i hung up because i don't need that.
now the beans are spilled and all the women in our family are mad at me and my wife still won't fucking speak to me.
so am i the asshole?
| 9,825
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xzw342/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_wife_to_stop_acting/
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2022-10-09 20:56:04
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esh. i lived with chronic pain and i've been pregnant. so i can compare. and it sounds like neither one of you want to actually be supportive, it's more of a competition of who has it worse.
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esh. so youve got chronic health issues and shes pregnant. you need to come together and solve the problem as a team, the way you both agreed to do when you exchanged rings and said "i do". do the responsible adult thing and employ open, honest, direct and respectful communication to figure out a way to get things done in a way that suits everyone's needs.
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… nta, and i’m going to try and say this as gently as possible, but it doesn’t really sound like you two should be having a kid.
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nta i don’t understand why anyone would quit their job when finding out they are pregnant. unless she is on doctor’s ordered bed rest this is a bad plan! she should be saving her paycheck for everything the baby will need.
|
esh
pregnancy is hard.
working a physical job while in chronic pain is hard.
and none of this is going to get any easier once you have a newborn in the house. you and your wife need to find a way to communicate better, or this goes downhill in a hurry.
each of you should be giving the other grace, and communicate openly and honestly about your needs.
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this is one of those posts that really makes me want to hear the other side. i feel like maybe we aren't hearing the entire/true story about what happened.
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esh - this isn’t the pain olympics. both of you are in pain and overworked (even while she lays about her body is working by stretching her bones and organs and creating a living being). you are both at your wit’s end and snapping and being less-than-supportive to each other than you should be.
it sounds like you two needed to workshop a solution before it came to this point, but it’s better late than never. is there a family member or close friend who can stay with your wife for the rest of her pregnancy? they can help with any cooking or household chores she can’t manage so you don’t have a list of things waiting for you when you get home. you both need to work together to come to a solution, it’s not you vs. her, it’s both of you vs. this bump in the road.
|
info: before her pregnancy, was your wife sympathetic and supportive about your chronic pain and health issues? would she help you when you needed it? is she currently sympathetic to your issues when you're struggling with them?
i'm leaning towards yta (or e-s-h depending on the info) because it sounds like the only thing she actually did wrong was when she was pushy and argued when you said you had a bad day and couldn't handle cooking. that was pretty self-centered of her.
but that's it. she's not ta for *complaining* about being in pain and suffering. the rest of your post has the really nasty tone, like can you imagine opening up to someone about your struggles chronic pain and they go "you sound like a child, like 'blah blah i sore i tired i sick i on my feet constantly'. stop complaining and be an adult for once" - the exact way you talked about her? she's pregnant with your child and your acting like it's a given that you would be "annoyed" with the fact that she vents to you about it?? it's one thing if you feel like you don't have the energy or support you need to do everything she's asking, but it sounds like you're not communicating your needs with her, and just building up bitterness and derision.
it's also unclear exactly what her expectations are for you, and how often she does/doesn't cook or clean. also, what do you mean you don't "let her" doordash? do you think you're entitled to be unilaterally in control of the money because you're the one who works while she stays home pregnant? do you not "let her" do other things? do you think part of the reason that she asks you to cook so often could be that you don't "let her" purchase her own food?
|
have yall tried..communicating???
|
esh every pregnancy is different and it can be very difficult for some. but it sounds like neither of you are trying to find a system of getting things done that works. fyi it's going to get 100x more difficult when you have an infant to care for. figure it out now.
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null |
ESH
|
INFO
| null |
ESH
| 0.557495
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (35m) and my wife (33f) are currently expecting our first child in december. i live in chronic pain due to a slew of health issues, i also work a job where i'm on my feet constantly. i can't get a new job right now due to personal reasons, bur i plan to as soon as possible. my wife quit her job right after we found out we were expecting (we always planned this) the problem is, she's gotten really lazy. i understand pregnancy is hard, but it's gotten to the point she won't even make food or clean the house sometimes. she's been wining and complaining constantly since the moment she took the test. she sounds like a child. (i hungry i sore, my head hurts, i'm sick, i can't shit etc) i understood these things are normal during pregnancy so as much as it annoyed me, i bit my tongue. the second i'd get home every night, she'd want me to do something for her. she expected me to cook and clean as soon as i got home every night. the straw that broke the camels back happened a couple days ago. i had just gotten home from a 10 hour shift, and was having a flair up. i just wanted to have a bath and relax because i was in so much pain. i told her i've had a terrible day and to just dorrdash something. ( i rarely let her do this because those fees are ficking ridiculous so i thought it'd be a treat) but she said that she can only eat home-cooked meals and that everything else makes her sick. this is where i might be the asshole. i yelled at her and told her i've had the worst day and she needs to stop complaining and be an adult for once, she started crying. i immediately apologized over and over again but she left anyway. a couple hours later my mil called me and called me a misogynistic cunt and a slew of other names. i hung up because i don't need that. now the beans are spilled and all the women in our family are mad at me and my wife still won't fucking speak to me. so am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (35m) and my wife (33f) are currently expecting our first child in december. i live in chronic pain due to a slew of health issues, i also work a job where i'm on my feet constantly. i can't get a new job right now due to personal reasons, bur i plan to as soon as possible. my wife quit her job right after we found out we were expecting (we always planned this) the problem is, she's gotten really lazy. i understand pregnancy is hard, but it's gotten to the point she won't even make food or clean the house sometimes. she's been wining and complaining constantly since the moment she took the test. she sounds like a child. (i hungry i sore, my head hurts, i'm sick, i can't shit etc) i understood these things are normal during pregnancy so as much as it annoyed me, i bit my tongue. the second i'd get home every night, she'd want me to do something for her. she expected me to cook and clean as soon as i got home every night. the straw that broke the camels back happened a couple days ago. i had just gotten home from a 10 hour shift, and was having a flair up. i just wanted to have a bath and relax because i was in so much pain. i told her i've had a terrible day and to just dorrdash something. ( i rarely let her do this because those fees are ficking ridiculous so i thought it'd be a treat) but she said that she can only eat home-cooked meals and that everything else makes her sick. this is where i might be the asshole. i yelled at her and told her i've had the worst day and she needs to stop complaining and be an adult for once, she started crying. i immediately apologized over and over again but she left anyway. a couple hours later my mil called me and called me a misogynistic cunt and a slew of other names. i hung up because i don't need that. now the beans are spilled and all the women in our family are mad at me and my wife still won't fucking speak to me. so am i the asshole? [/INST] esh. i lived with chronic pain and i've been pregnant. so i can compare. and it sounds like neither one of you want to actually be supportive, it's more of a competition of who has it worse. </s>
|
AITA for firing an employee returning from maternity leave?
|
i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have.
i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess.
our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her.
during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload.
the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some.
this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently.
now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue.
our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return.
we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not.
as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons:
* far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on
* he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project
* the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all
* she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question
* he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team.
obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left.
i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right?
aita?
| 15,070
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xp3733/aita_for_firing_an_employee_returning_from/
|
2022-09-27 02:00:42
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yta. every single reason you mentioned was only true because she had been gone on maternity leave which legally cannot be a reason to terminate someone. yet it is the cause behind everyone reason you gave. be prepared for a lawsuit.
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i’m going to go with yta. even though you listed your reasons, it won’t play that way in court.
will any woman feel safe in her job at your company if she gets pregnant now?
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you're punishing her for having a baby and taking the maternity leave that your business offers. you knew she was coming back, why didn't you hire a temp replacement until that time? you're not going save money after she takes legal action for being fired because she's a mother. yta
|
what's the point of having a maternity leave policy if you just replace and fire the person taking maternity leave?
yta
|
yta precisely for this:
“she has been out of the field for a prolonged period.”
it’s called having a baby. this is is what women have to do to have a family; this is why laws protecting women on maternity leave exist in the first place.
i bet you call yourself a person who believes in equality; i bet you don’t think of yourself as a sexist at all. but you are one.
|
yta
underpay someone
increase everyone’s workload without increased pay
punish a woman for spending time with her baby
and you’re seriously questioning if you’re an ah? then again most in management are.
|
yta.
what is the point of the company maternity leave policy if the person offered the leave and guaranteed a job to return to is fired before her return? that isn't a maternity leave policy if you can just fire someone for using said leave. which in the end, is what you did.
also, the new guy is only doing part of the job. the other team members have taken on additional responsibilities that jess would have taken back upon her return. so they now have more work with the same pay.
and yes, your "fairness" is towards the actual employee. not the temp. the temp is just that, a temp. someone to gain some experience in part of a job. that's it. basically a substitute for the person who actually has the job.
good luck when she sues!
|
yta. instead of hiring a contract or temporary worker to take over for a staff member who was out on medical/maternity leave, you hired a full time employee. you found someone younger, with less experience, who would work for less money. so, you fired your long term employee, in favor of the cheaper one.
your budget was for a 6 person team before jess went on maternity leave, was for 6 people while she was out, and, gee what a shock, "for some reason" *still* only has a budget for 6 people when jess is ready to come back.
you're discriminating against a woman for getting pregnant. she should sue your rear end off.
|
yta. here's hoping jess finds this post for her wrongful termination suit, assuming you live in a place with fair laws about that kind of thing.
|
yta. you traded one person for someone else because the new guy is cheaper. if jess had been injured and was on sick leave for several months would you have hired a replacement? probably not. your reasoning is lame and you act like you care about nothing but money. jess has every reason to sue for wrongful termination and the only one to blame will be you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have. i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess. our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her. during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload. the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some. this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently. now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue. our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return. we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not. as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons: * far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on * he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project * the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all * she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question * he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team. obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left. i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i feel like the devil right now, so i’ll accept whatever judgement you all have. i run a team of about 6 people. our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. one of my employees got pregnant recently, i’ll call her jess. our team does project based work and in the period between her leaving for ml we finished up the project we were working on when she left, and started working on a project without her. during this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. we adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workload. the situation we have now is me, and 2 others split half the work that jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come in to the team to handle the other part of jess’s workload and then some. this new employee came at significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of uni and we pay him a fraction of what jess costs currently. now jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue. our firm has informed us that for some fucking reason we no longer have the budget for a 7 person team, and will have to let someone go. this news came about when i submitted the paperwork for jess’s return. we are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to jess and the man we hired to replace her. the reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not. as you can tell by the title, i chose the replacement. i did so for the following reasons: * far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more money than keeping jess on * he was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project * the clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know jess at all * she has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question * he performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team. obviously, the ideal situation which i wanted was to keep both and not put a new single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but i had to do right by the team and firm. i told her i’d write her a brilliant letter of recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a cunt and left. i know i sound cold and heartless but i had to be fair to both employees, not just jess, right? aita? [/INST] yta. every single reason you mentioned was only true because she had been gone on maternity leave which legally cannot be a reason to terminate someone. yet it is the cause behind everyone reason you gave. be prepared for a lawsuit. </s>
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AITA for refusing to apologize for laughing in MIL's face when she told me I ruined her boyfriend's birthday?
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mil has never liked me. she likes to belittle me and make me feel like shit, but at least she got a boyfriend a year and a half ago and now she doesn't come around much. we'll call him jack. jack came to our house about four months ago for dinner. now for some background, mil and i have had serious power struggles over food, her not letting me bring food to holidays, refusing to eat my cooking, making her own version of something she knew i was making, so food is a sore subject.
during dinner jack looked like he was going to pass out. eventually he got up and said he had to go and answer a work call. i could hear him puking in the bathroom, and mil went to check on him. he said dinner was disgusting, but he was raised that it is rude not to eat what someone gives you, and he knew about the previous issues and thought if he didn't eat it, we would think it was on purpose and it would hurt mils relationship with her son.
mil acted like that was the sweetest thing ever and then yelled at me for "poisoning" jack. i asked if he wanted something else, we had some easy options, but he said he had to go. apparently mil made him grilled cheese when they got home, but he coudln't eat that due to the "memory of my cooking"
now you must think i am an awful cook, lol, actually i'm not i promise. i cooked with bacon fat for flavor and apparently he is very sensitive to that. currently jack will not come to our house, and wouldn't even eat the cookies i brought to a family picnic though even mil admitted they were good.
we saw them recently at gfil's house and mil literally ran in the door and bolted towards me. she yelled at me that i ruined jack's birthday. i was confused because i didn't even know it was his birthday, but she began ranting about how they went out for his birthday but he couldn't eat his favorite burger as it has bacon, and apparently he still won't eat bacon. also his mom usually gets him some maple bacon coffee cake but he won't eat that either. i was just staring at her and mil yelled at me about how they had to sit their and eat it in front of jack and it was so sad. she was just very animated (maybe a touch stoned, she doesn't normally act like that) and i thought it was funny. i burst out laughing.
mil said i'm disrespectful for laughing in her face. i doubled down and said it was funny and she sounds ridiculous. jack even said he had a good birthday and getting a different burger wasn't a big deal. my husband asked me to apologize for laughing in her face, as our relationship with her has been better lately but i refused.
| 584
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z34a1h/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_for_laughing_in/
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2022-11-23 23:40:03
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info: i'm confused about what sort of ailment results in illness when exposed to bacon fat, but still allows for eating bacon burgers and every other bacon related food. what exactly is wrong with this man?
other than the part where he's a worse drama queen than even your mil, sheesh.
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nta - your mil sounds like a peach. i don’t care if your cooking is that terrible. unless you’re oscar nunez or steve carell or similar, i don’t know how you could be expected to keep a straight face under those circumstances. that was hilarious.
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lol... nta at all! i came into this thread cautiously, then kept waiting for the great transgression. it never reared its head, at least not by you.
jack and your mil sound like drama junkies. laughing in her face when she was being ridiculous was a natural response.
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lol what?
you made something so awful that it not only made him puke, but then he coudln't eat due to the "memory of my cooking".
even if that is true (which i doubt tbh - noone is that bad of a cook), its so dramatic i would have laughed too. nta. if you are a bit of an ah then i am too.
am curious what on earth you cooked to provoke that reaction though. lmao
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i just think everyone needs to grow up in this story 🤦🏻♀️
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nta. i wouldn’t be surprised if your mil secretly poisoned his food in order to blame it on your cooking.
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i'm gonna roll with nta - people get reactions to cooking, it isn't like you went out of your way to poison the poor sod. you offered him something else, too.
you didn't know he had a certain bacon burger for his birthday - like, are you supposed to know this man's allergies, dietary needs, favourite colour and pet goldfish name? christ on a bike.
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nta, hopefully you not apologizing will result in you seeing her less often.
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mil troll, this one sucks in particular. you didn't even try
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.007141
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: mil has never liked me. she likes to belittle me and make me feel like shit, but at least she got a boyfriend a year and a half ago and now she doesn't come around much. we'll call him jack. jack came to our house about four months ago for dinner. now for some background, mil and i have had serious power struggles over food, her not letting me bring food to holidays, refusing to eat my cooking, making her own version of something she knew i was making, so food is a sore subject. during dinner jack looked like he was going to pass out. eventually he got up and said he had to go and answer a work call. i could hear him puking in the bathroom, and mil went to check on him. he said dinner was disgusting, but he was raised that it is rude not to eat what someone gives you, and he knew about the previous issues and thought if he didn't eat it, we would think it was on purpose and it would hurt mils relationship with her son. mil acted like that was the sweetest thing ever and then yelled at me for "poisoning" jack. i asked if he wanted something else, we had some easy options, but he said he had to go. apparently mil made him grilled cheese when they got home, but he coudln't eat that due to the "memory of my cooking" now you must think i am an awful cook, lol, actually i'm not i promise. i cooked with bacon fat for flavor and apparently he is very sensitive to that. currently jack will not come to our house, and wouldn't even eat the cookies i brought to a family picnic though even mil admitted they were good. we saw them recently at gfil's house and mil literally ran in the door and bolted towards me. she yelled at me that i ruined jack's birthday. i was confused because i didn't even know it was his birthday, but she began ranting about how they went out for his birthday but he couldn't eat his favorite burger as it has bacon, and apparently he still won't eat bacon. also his mom usually gets him some maple bacon coffee cake but he won't eat that either. i was just staring at her and mil yelled at me about how they had to sit their and eat it in front of jack and it was so sad. she was just very animated (maybe a touch stoned, she doesn't normally act like that) and i thought it was funny. i burst out laughing. mil said i'm disrespectful for laughing in her face. i doubled down and said it was funny and she sounds ridiculous. jack even said he had a good birthday and getting a different burger wasn't a big deal. my husband asked me to apologize for laughing in her face, as our relationship with her has been better lately but i refused.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
mil has never liked me. she likes to belittle me and make me feel like shit, but at least she got a boyfriend a year and a half ago and now she doesn't come around much. we'll call him jack. jack came to our house about four months ago for dinner. now for some background, mil and i have had serious power struggles over food, her not letting me bring food to holidays, refusing to eat my cooking, making her own version of something she knew i was making, so food is a sore subject. during dinner jack looked like he was going to pass out. eventually he got up and said he had to go and answer a work call. i could hear him puking in the bathroom, and mil went to check on him. he said dinner was disgusting, but he was raised that it is rude not to eat what someone gives you, and he knew about the previous issues and thought if he didn't eat it, we would think it was on purpose and it would hurt mils relationship with her son. mil acted like that was the sweetest thing ever and then yelled at me for "poisoning" jack. i asked if he wanted something else, we had some easy options, but he said he had to go. apparently mil made him grilled cheese when they got home, but he coudln't eat that due to the "memory of my cooking" now you must think i am an awful cook, lol, actually i'm not i promise. i cooked with bacon fat for flavor and apparently he is very sensitive to that. currently jack will not come to our house, and wouldn't even eat the cookies i brought to a family picnic though even mil admitted they were good. we saw them recently at gfil's house and mil literally ran in the door and bolted towards me. she yelled at me that i ruined jack's birthday. i was confused because i didn't even know it was his birthday, but she began ranting about how they went out for his birthday but he couldn't eat his favorite burger as it has bacon, and apparently he still won't eat bacon. also his mom usually gets him some maple bacon coffee cake but he won't eat that either. i was just staring at her and mil yelled at me about how they had to sit their and eat it in front of jack and it was so sad. she was just very animated (maybe a touch stoned, she doesn't normally act like that) and i thought it was funny. i burst out laughing. mil said i'm disrespectful for laughing in her face. i doubled down and said it was funny and she sounds ridiculous. jack even said he had a good birthday and getting a different burger wasn't a big deal. my husband asked me to apologize for laughing in her face, as our relationship with her has been better lately but i refused. [/INST] info: i'm confused about what sort of ailment results in illness when exposed to bacon fat, but still allows for eating bacon burgers and every other bacon related food. what exactly is wrong with this man? other than the part where he's a worse drama queen than even your mil, sheesh. </s>
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AITA for suing my ex?
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so i dated a youtuber.
we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority.
not really important why we broke up, but we broke up.
then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive.
i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means.
so i sued my ex.
it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged.
they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them.
after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go.
eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex......
but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record.
suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life.
a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone.
was i the asshole?
| 31,488
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h9emck/aita_for_suing_my_ex/
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2020-06-15 11:38:25
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nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh?
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nta. the ex shouldn't be using a private relationship for youtube views, and deserves everything they got.
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nta. don’t feel badly, part of enforcing a libel or slander suit is to publicize it so that the public record is corrected.
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something tells me that why you broke up might be kind of important to the story
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i’m starting to be concerned by two facts:
- op gives non-answers every time someone asks if he perhaps was abusive
- he did not try to reach some agreement before getting to court - like most sensible people do. he went in for full destruction.
still, based solely on the info provided, i’ll go with nta, but i’m wondering if this is one of those posts where there’s more to the story.
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nta- that’s called liable. you were 100% in the right to sue her
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i smell bullshit.
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this shit is so fake it isn't even funny
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info: did you consider that she saw your behavior in the relationship as emotionally abusive and examine your actions to be sure?
i'm not saying what she did was right. there is a possibility though that she genuinely believes your relationship was abusive.
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uhhhhh... bro is there a chance you might have been actually abusive though? everyone here is saying nt.a but there’s really no context about what your relationship was like. what were some of the things she claimed you did/how do you refute that? info
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null |
INFO
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INFO
| 0.090895
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh? </s>
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WIBTA if I ask my pregnant wife to stop calling me at work and ask me to come home just to cry about random things?
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i'm from finland so my english is a bit rusty.
my wife is pregnant with our twin children. she recently took a break from her job because she's too tired to work and it is a high risk pregnancy.
i work as the managing director of a company and my job stresses me out. i only take important calls. my wife doesn't generally call me but i do talk to her whenever she does. she calls if she wants to talk or if she wants me to bring anything for her to eat.
a couple of weeks ago, she called me and started crying. she wanted me to come home asap. i was shit scared and rushed home cancelling all appointments for the day. and when i got home, i was really surprised. she was crying because the neighbours dog died. i'm not even kidding. i was really scared but it was nothing.
this has been happening for a couple of weeks. she calls me and asks me to come over. but it always ends up being nothing. i really can't take this stress. i have to go back to to work again. so i discussed with my secretary because she was kind worried and she thinks i'm kind of being insensitive and i should be more understanding. wibta here?
| 8,244
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cf8jdj/wibta_if_i_ask_my_pregnant_wife_to_stop_calling/
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2019-07-19 14:55:26
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nah - but just a miscommunication. pregnancy hormones can make any woman lose their minds, especially if they are at home and alone all day.
just talk to her about maybe reaching out for support to other people or not calling but texting you at work unless it’s an emergency
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nta. ask her on the phone what’s wrong and if it’s neighbours dog dead just continue working and tell her you are sorry and be kind to her, but say that you won’t leave your work because of that. maybe bring her some snacks on the way home to cheer her up too
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nah. she’s pregnant which is messing with her hormones, she can’t help that. you just need to talk to her and let her know you support her but that you do need to focus on work unless it’s truly an emergency. perhaps you can come up with a contingency plan or other support person she can call if she is upset?
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info
is she ok? mentally ok? hormones do weird stuff but depression/ serious anxiety shouldnt be dismissed as hormones and swept under the carpet. sounds like she needs more support from you and friends/family.
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nta. i honestly don't understand this sub and it's victimization of otherwise perfectly rational adults who can't seem to control themselves. yes, her hormones are going haywire, but she's still a fully autonomous, logical human person who can control how she reacts to her emotions. it's almost patronizing to treat someone like a fragile child just because their hormones are making them feel wacky. she probably knows she shouldn't be calling you home for nonsense. tell her to get it together.
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nah. but please, please, please get her to a doctor.
hormonal issues almost killed my mom. if we hadn't gotten a second opinion, she would be dead. one of the symptoms was erratic behavior.
if this is unusual for her, please encourage her to get checked out. she may also be suffering from anxiety/depression- which is common in high risk pregnancy. talking to a professional may help her find means to cope in the moment that aren't as disruptive.
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nah but man, twin pregnancy is rough on another level. she’s got hormones for 3 people in her body, and the physical strain alone is so hard to bear. she isn’t going to be rational for awhile (the first year with multiples is also... rough), so perhaps you can find a trusted friend that can also run to her when she’s needing support? or talk to her before about how you will facetime or talk on the phone and to maybe get into a nice candlelit bubble bath with a book or netflix when something overwhelming happens so she can work through it.
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nah:
she might be suffering some kind of depression or something similar. might want to look into having her take medication.
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nah. can you gently explain to her how disruptive it is for you to leave the office?
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nah, talk to her! let her know you got her back and will come whenever, she knows this, but you are working and need to make sure you only rush home in an emergency. however she can call you or facetime you in the day when u have time if that helps if she's lonely or something.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.054525
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm from finland so my english is a bit rusty. my wife is pregnant with our twin children. she recently took a break from her job because she's too tired to work and it is a high risk pregnancy. i work as the managing director of a company and my job stresses me out. i only take important calls. my wife doesn't generally call me but i do talk to her whenever she does. she calls if she wants to talk or if she wants me to bring anything for her to eat. a couple of weeks ago, she called me and started crying. she wanted me to come home asap. i was shit scared and rushed home cancelling all appointments for the day. and when i got home, i was really surprised. she was crying because the neighbours dog died. i'm not even kidding. i was really scared but it was nothing. this has been happening for a couple of weeks. she calls me and asks me to come over. but it always ends up being nothing. i really can't take this stress. i have to go back to to work again. so i discussed with my secretary because she was kind worried and she thinks i'm kind of being insensitive and i should be more understanding. wibta here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm from finland so my english is a bit rusty. my wife is pregnant with our twin children. she recently took a break from her job because she's too tired to work and it is a high risk pregnancy. i work as the managing director of a company and my job stresses me out. i only take important calls. my wife doesn't generally call me but i do talk to her whenever she does. she calls if she wants to talk or if she wants me to bring anything for her to eat. a couple of weeks ago, she called me and started crying. she wanted me to come home asap. i was shit scared and rushed home cancelling all appointments for the day. and when i got home, i was really surprised. she was crying because the neighbours dog died. i'm not even kidding. i was really scared but it was nothing. this has been happening for a couple of weeks. she calls me and asks me to come over. but it always ends up being nothing. i really can't take this stress. i have to go back to to work again. so i discussed with my secretary because she was kind worried and she thinks i'm kind of being insensitive and i should be more understanding. wibta here? [/INST] nah - but just a miscommunication. pregnancy hormones can make any woman lose their minds, especially if they are at home and alone all day. just talk to her about maybe reaching out for support to other people or not calling but texting you at work unless it’s an emergency </s>
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AITA for not "appreciating the moon" the way my husband wanted?
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got kind of a silly one! my (26f) husband (30m) is great in a lot of ways, though he’s always had an interesting hobby. at night, he likes to sit out in the backyard and "admire the moon," in his words. when i’ve asked him about it, he waxes (never wanes :p) poetic about the how beautiful the moon is. no phone, music, just watches it for hours at a time each night. i thought it was a bit unusual, but also kind of cute. he also said moongazing was a form of meditation.
anyway, recently, he asked me to try it out with him. previously he only wanted to do it solo, and he said it was a big deal that he was inviting someone into his usually private hobby. i thought it was sweet and agreed. when it came to the moongazing, though, i think it just wasn’t for me. he didn’t want to talk during it, and while it felt romantic at first, i got a bit bored after the first hour or so. maybe i just have a short attention span. so i gave him a kiss, gently excused myself, and slipped back into the house.
well, later that night, he expressed irritation over my behavior. he said that i knew how important this past time was to him, and that he had made himself vulnerable by inviting me into it. and that i didn’t even try to “get it," or "appreciate the moon" the way it was meant to be appreciated. the night after that, he ended up driving to a park to moongaze instead of doing it in our backyard like usual, and he's been a bit grumpy around the house. now i feel like i should have put in more effort to understand this big part of him, and i'm wondering if i had been inconsiderate/dismissive.
| 1,193
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyy3z0/aita_for_not_appreciating_the_moon_the_way_my/
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2021-08-06 02:59:40
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info: how much ketamine does your husband do before staring into the void for hours at a time?
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> i got a bit bored after the first hour or so. maybe i just have a short attention span
you sat in complete silence staring at the moon for an hour? damn, you do not have a short attention span. you lasted approximately 55 minutes longer than i would have. nta
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nah.
&#x200b;
you handled the situation well. he sounds like a gentle soul who just got a bit hurt and is being a little passive aggressive about it. it's just a situation where you two need to talk it over and figure out where these emotions are coming from. this is clearly something special to him, and that's ok, but he also needs to understand that he can just have something special for himself that you don't share because you're different people.
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info: is your husband a werewolf
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i'm closer to where your husband is than you are. but he lacks self awareness if he can't realize that different people appreciate beauty in different things and you can't force people do comply with your own views. most people grow out of that around second grade when you stop insulting people over not having the same favorite color, but your husband doesn't seem to have gotten there yet. nta.
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[deleted]
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nta
it’s obviously a very important part of your husbands nightly routine to moongaze and it’s great that he wanted to share with you what seems to be a very intimate experience in his eyes. but
> he also said moongazing was a form of meditation.
i think the problem here is that quiet, introspective activities arent always for everyone and while he might be getting something out of the experience, without the correct midset, meditation is.... well, basically just sitting and doing nothing. and obviously that can get very boring, very fast.
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nta how much spare time does your husband have if he spends hours each night staring at moon?
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nta
your husband sounds insufferable. so what, he's moon gazing for hours. this is him being vulnerable?
i'm surprised you lasted an hour.
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nta. i can appreciate the moon just fine in less than an hour. you excused yourself fine. he needs to get the bee out of his bonnet, it's just not for you.
|
INFO
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NTA
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NAH
|
INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.032079
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: got kind of a silly one! my (26f) husband (30m) is great in a lot of ways, though he’s always had an interesting hobby. at night, he likes to sit out in the backyard and "admire the moon," in his words. when i’ve asked him about it, he waxes (never wanes :p) poetic about the how beautiful the moon is. no phone, music, just watches it for hours at a time each night. i thought it was a bit unusual, but also kind of cute. he also said moongazing was a form of meditation. anyway, recently, he asked me to try it out with him. previously he only wanted to do it solo, and he said it was a big deal that he was inviting someone into his usually private hobby. i thought it was sweet and agreed. when it came to the moongazing, though, i think it just wasn’t for me. he didn’t want to talk during it, and while it felt romantic at first, i got a bit bored after the first hour or so. maybe i just have a short attention span. so i gave him a kiss, gently excused myself, and slipped back into the house. well, later that night, he expressed irritation over my behavior. he said that i knew how important this past time was to him, and that he had made himself vulnerable by inviting me into it. and that i didn’t even try to “get it," or "appreciate the moon" the way it was meant to be appreciated. the night after that, he ended up driving to a park to moongaze instead of doing it in our backyard like usual, and he's been a bit grumpy around the house. now i feel like i should have put in more effort to understand this big part of him, and i'm wondering if i had been inconsiderate/dismissive.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
got kind of a silly one! my (26f) husband (30m) is great in a lot of ways, though he’s always had an interesting hobby. at night, he likes to sit out in the backyard and "admire the moon," in his words. when i’ve asked him about it, he waxes (never wanes :p) poetic about the how beautiful the moon is. no phone, music, just watches it for hours at a time each night. i thought it was a bit unusual, but also kind of cute. he also said moongazing was a form of meditation. anyway, recently, he asked me to try it out with him. previously he only wanted to do it solo, and he said it was a big deal that he was inviting someone into his usually private hobby. i thought it was sweet and agreed. when it came to the moongazing, though, i think it just wasn’t for me. he didn’t want to talk during it, and while it felt romantic at first, i got a bit bored after the first hour or so. maybe i just have a short attention span. so i gave him a kiss, gently excused myself, and slipped back into the house. well, later that night, he expressed irritation over my behavior. he said that i knew how important this past time was to him, and that he had made himself vulnerable by inviting me into it. and that i didn’t even try to “get it," or "appreciate the moon" the way it was meant to be appreciated. the night after that, he ended up driving to a park to moongaze instead of doing it in our backyard like usual, and he's been a bit grumpy around the house. now i feel like i should have put in more effort to understand this big part of him, and i'm wondering if i had been inconsiderate/dismissive. [/INST] info: how much ketamine does your husband do before staring into the void for hours at a time? </s>
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AITA for checking my wifes phone?
|
updated!
my wife (f28) came home late last night saying she got held up at work.
i (m27) was warming up the food and setting out the dishes as she went to shower and get changed. she left her phone on the table and i see a message pop up saying 'tonight was amazing, xxx', curious to what was going on i checked her phone, this message was from one of her female co-workers (good friend of hers) and it turns out they had a girls night in after work.
when she came down i told her about the message and she went ballistic on me for snooping through her phone, i tried to tell her to look at it from my perspective and how it looked to me. she carried on with the dialogue of how i should trust her etc. (which i do, but when a message like that appears on your sos phone, thoughts come to mind).
i replied saying how i don't think what i did was wrong and that she didn't have to lie about being held up at work when it was clear from the messages that she had spent time after work at her friends house.
this got her even more annoyed for some reason and she ended up just ignoring me for the rest of the night. i'm thinking she must have had a rough day
| 2,810
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwdfge/aita_for_checking_my_wifes_phone/
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2019-11-14 18:15:13
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esh. you shouldn’t snoop through your partner’s phone. it’s also weird she lied about her plans, did she explain to you why she lied about girls night?
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nta
phones are not off limits. they aren't little privacy boxes and it isn't taboo to look at them.
trust is earned every day and it can be broken with a sentence.
she straight up lied to you about where she was. even if it wasn't her banging some dude, it's a fucking lie.
>she carried on with the dialogue of how i should trust her etc
you literally can't trust her, because she is lying to you about what she is doing.
she is the asshole.
edit
as other posters have said. i would even check that number and make sure it is really her friend.
wife lies about location, comes home and immediately showers, gets strange text message, immediately blows up on op when confronted about it.
if that number is actually some dude with the screen name "samantha" (or whatever) then ops life just got much more complicated.
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nta i don’t believe in secrets in marriage. it’s not like you randomly went through her phone, you saw a suspicious message. turns out she lied and you have reason to be concerned.
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nta
everyone is doubling down on no snooping but you saw that she lied. when you lie to your spouse about where you've been you can expect to have your phone looked at.
fwiw if she freaked out that hard it's possible there's something else you didn't see.
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there’s a bigger issue here.
why would your wife lie about a “girls night” if it was truly innocent. sounds very suspicious. you should do some more digging.
nta
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nta. from your perspective that message was quite suspicious considering how she lied about being held up.
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when a message ‘pops up’ on my phone i can see who it’s from without picking up the phone and going to the messages.
does your wife’s phone not work that way?
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nta - your wife straight up lied to you about where she was, and she thinks its okay cause she wasnt cheating on you.
if you had come late and told your wife you were working and a message came up on your phone saying 'i had a great time tonight [throwaway01636288](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway01636288/) !' she would look at the message 100% of the time.
|
nta yes snooping is not the best.
but her reaction is odd and could be cause for alarm.
is the name familiar or maybe is it just a made up name for a dude?
not saying you should assume the worst, just be on your toes with her being as defensive and lying about whereabouts
|
i mean this is all still kind of suspicious. who texts their friends like that after a girls night in? are you sure that's not a co-workers name in the name field to throw you off? and why lie about it?
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.01744
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: updated! my wife (f28) came home late last night saying she got held up at work. i (m27) was warming up the food and setting out the dishes as she went to shower and get changed. she left her phone on the table and i see a message pop up saying 'tonight was amazing, xxx', curious to what was going on i checked her phone, this message was from one of her female co-workers (good friend of hers) and it turns out they had a girls night in after work. when she came down i told her about the message and she went ballistic on me for snooping through her phone, i tried to tell her to look at it from my perspective and how it looked to me. she carried on with the dialogue of how i should trust her etc. (which i do, but when a message like that appears on your sos phone, thoughts come to mind). i replied saying how i don't think what i did was wrong and that she didn't have to lie about being held up at work when it was clear from the messages that she had spent time after work at her friends house. this got her even more annoyed for some reason and she ended up just ignoring me for the rest of the night. i'm thinking she must have had a rough day
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
updated! my wife (f28) came home late last night saying she got held up at work. i (m27) was warming up the food and setting out the dishes as she went to shower and get changed. she left her phone on the table and i see a message pop up saying 'tonight was amazing, xxx', curious to what was going on i checked her phone, this message was from one of her female co-workers (good friend of hers) and it turns out they had a girls night in after work. when she came down i told her about the message and she went ballistic on me for snooping through her phone, i tried to tell her to look at it from my perspective and how it looked to me. she carried on with the dialogue of how i should trust her etc. (which i do, but when a message like that appears on your sos phone, thoughts come to mind). i replied saying how i don't think what i did was wrong and that she didn't have to lie about being held up at work when it was clear from the messages that she had spent time after work at her friends house. this got her even more annoyed for some reason and she ended up just ignoring me for the rest of the night. i'm thinking she must have had a rough day [/INST] esh. you shouldn’t snoop through your partner’s phone. it’s also weird she lied about her plans, did she explain to you why she lied about girls night? </s>
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AITA for not taking my wife's side and admitting that she overreacted??
|
some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously.
now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there.
anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration.
she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted.
| 16,853
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slugru/aita_for_not_taking_my_wifes_side_and_admitting/
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2022-02-06 11:21:16
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yta. these are *your* friends, not hers so, the "brutal honesty" and "jokes" should be aimed at you not your wife. "brutal honesty" is just a way of covering for being an asshole to people, honesty without tact is cruelty. you definitely should have defended your wife, your friend was needlessly cruel.
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yta and a big one. you let your friends and family mock your wife for something she enjoys, then tells her she should calm down. don’t be surprised if she leaves you one day.
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yta. this is a passion of your wife, something she really enjoys and can express herself with. you are letting your family and friends stomp on that. i can understand if they don't get it and express that maybe once but making fun of her because of it is a strong no.
also "cancer ward" is mean and disrespectful in so many ways. she wasn't overreacting at all. imagine your passion being diminished and made fun of constantly. it's justified to get worked up over that.
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info:
>"come on it was a joke!"
explain it, what is funny about it?
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are they being "brutally honest" or " joking and teasing"? it can't be both. if it is the 1st then yta because what your friend said was cruel even if he believes it. if is the 2nd yta for letting your friends continually tease and bully your wife. no one likes to be made fun of for their appearance, no one.
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yta - you tell her to calm down, but you don't tell the guys to knock it off? how often do they insult her like this? "brutally honest" is usually a code word for assholes, it's an excuse to let them be as mean as they want and for anyone in the middle to say "you know how they are".
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info: explain how the comment was funny, please.
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yta - 'heavy makeup looks on which can be weird', 'i just stared at my wife'....and then ' knowing how great she always looks'. your argument is that her makeup is weird and you just stared at her...but also it's funny because she looks great? if she doesn't know she looks great (which she probably doesn't given you think it's weird) then the jokes weren't funny.
it actually sounds like you don't like her makeup and you're hoping the comments from friends and family will beat her down so she's more acceptable without you having to be honest. i can see you don't want to 'be the bad guy' but she deserves all the info so she can make a decision for herself. if you don't like her makeup then maybe tell her, and let her decide whether to tone it down or wear it regardless.
also, if they don't get on then arrange your own birthdays with the guys and go to dinner with her on a different night.
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she is absolutely right. that's exactly what you did. that was not just a joke. that was an incredibly cruel thing to say about something your wife loves to do.
i bet she hates all the jokes they make but keeps her mouth shut out of respect for you. you should have respected her in turn and defended her.
because that sucked. you not only let your friends pick at your wife with very nasty jokes (which shouldn't be allowed no matter their personality) but then you sat there in front of them and told her she was being dramatic and to calm down.
you reinforced in them that it's totally okay to bash on your wife, and they now know you won't do anything and will side with them.
yta.
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yta. what the fuck does that “joke” even mean? how could you possibly consider that funny or her to be overreacting. sounds like you thought it was funny because you hate your wife’s makeup and wanted someone else to say it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously. now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there. anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration. she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously. now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there. anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration. she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted. [/INST] yta. these are *your* friends, not hers so, the "brutal honesty" and "jokes" should be aimed at you not your wife. "brutal honesty" is just a way of covering for being an asshole to people, honesty without tact is cruelty. you definitely should have defended your wife, your friend was needlessly cruel. </s>
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AITA for having a dress code for our wedding?
|
hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off.
the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that.
one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously.
we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction.
this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions.
unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd.
in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment.
since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend.
aita for having a dress code at our wedding?
| 10,670
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i29x5e/aita_for_having_a_dress_code_for_our_wedding/
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2020-08-02 10:24:58
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yta. it is your wedding and you can do what you want, but it’s a wedding, not a photoshoot or a play. the stuff about piercings, tattoos, and hair color is especially ridiculous.
if all you care about is nice pictures, then hire models. that way they’ll look exactly how you want them to look and they won’t complain. if you want an actual party with real people, you need flexibility.
|
yta
https://www.debretts.com/expertise/etiquette/dress-codes/white-tie-dress-code/
white tie dress code does not mention hair colour, tattoos, piercings or women's shoes.
you are tacky as hell.
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yta for implementing a weird version of white tie
in what universe must white tie include heels? i don't own heels. i have been to several balls wearing jewelled flats.
and of course hair colour, piercings, tattoos etc. are completely outside the remit of a dress code.
i suspect instead of "white tie" you have a very constrained idea of some sort of "classy" event in mind, which of course is not classy at all.
you are being a snob and a poor host. the idea of a dress code is to inform people of expectations of what to wear, not form a restrictive code. this is a formal event, not a nightclub, and you would be rude beyond belief to bar people from coming because they don't own or feel comfortable in the kind of clothes you want to see in your bloody photos.
this should be an occasion to celebrate with your nearest and dearest. you are making it all about the look.
the good news is that with this behaviour you are telling people who you really are.
|
“no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings” - are you my old high school?
it’s difficult to give judgement because i usually firmly believe in the “your wedding your choice” rule, but the guidelines dictating hair/tattoos/piercings seem excessive.
surely for some of your guests, changing hair colours or covering up tattoos will be expensive/a real hassle and would deter them from attending. additionally: what counts as a natural hair colour, and does that change depending on the ethnicity of a person?
overall i’ll go with yta - the tipping point being that you won’t allow some poor lady to change from uncomfortable heels into flats *after* the ceremony is over. i mean, what if you have leg pain/movement disability that makes wearing heels difficult? does that mean you can’t attend? i’m confused as to where you draw the line, but i think it’s pretty harsh.
|
yta.
also, so much lower class thinking.
you're trying to look better than what you are and it shows.
real white tie events aren't this strict, and i've been to a lot.
you're putting perception over actual people, which is wrong.
|
yta and a groomzilla
1. you're not just dictating a dress code, you're dictating every minute detail. if you invited guests who dye their hair or have piercings or tattoos that are normally visible you're now telling them that that part of their identity is not ok. that they need to change who they are just for your wedding.
2. for still going ahead with a large wedding during a pandemic
|
yta. white tie for the immediate wedding party? ok. expecting everyone to come in a tailed dress coat, piqué waistcoat, white bowtie and wingtip collar for the men or a full-length evening gown for the women is very extra - especially since many people cannot afford anything like this (can you even rent that?? i only find stuff from the uk, where it's gonna cost about 250 pounds for the male set). all the men will look like this, right? https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/white-tie-poster.jpg - will they also be expected to wear white gloves, or are you skipping on that part of white tie?
also, asking people to cover up tattoos and piercings is a bit extra.
since you are so much into this dresscode, let me ask you tho, are you following it completely yourself? white tie expected after 6 pm (because it is an evening dress)? is the groom wearing a morning coat in the afternoon? with the fitting hat?
|
yta
i suggest you hire people to attend your wedding so you can make sure they all adhere to your dress code. that seems to be what is most important to you -- how things look. maybe you could get some cardboard cutouts to pose with.
|
you seem like a lot of fun
|
info
are you and your entire family in a social circle that does these type of events regularly?
do you know that many people live their entire lives without ever wearing a "white tie" outfit.. and they might not have even known what it meant when they rsvpd ... thinking they could sort it out later or that it wasn't that big a deal?
sounds like there may have been a downside to dividing your friends and family along class lines...
enjoy ur pics!
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off. the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that. one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously. we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction. this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions. unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd. in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment. since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend. aita for having a dress code at our wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off. the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that. one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously. we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction. this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions. unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd. in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment. since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend. aita for having a dress code at our wedding? [/INST] yta. it is your wedding and you can do what you want, but it’s a wedding, not a photoshoot or a play. the stuff about piercings, tattoos, and hair color is especially ridiculous. if all you care about is nice pictures, then hire models. that way they’ll look exactly how you want them to look and they won’t complain. if you want an actual party with real people, you need flexibility. </s>
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AiTA for photoshopping a picture of my girlfriend.
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so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines.
id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets.
he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it.
it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf.
even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs.
she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it.
am i the arsehole?
edit.
fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat.
we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful.
i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
| 9,503
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/datrrz/aita_for_photoshopping_a_picture_of_my_girlfriend/
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2019-09-29 11:05:49
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yta
if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide.
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yta can you honestly not see why this might hurt her feelings?
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i mean it's kind of yta.
it's like saying "look it's you but i fixed your flaws" or "you're fat" or "you need bigger boobs".
if it was really a bit of fun you might have made a genuinely funny edit, but this just seems a little rude/ insensitive.
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yta. she should've photoshopped a bigger dick on you and told you she was just bored and wanted to see what you'd look like with a bigger dick.
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yta - this is one of those things that women fight against tier whole lives, being compared to impossible and inhuman standards.
no matter what you said, what you did told her
"i don't really love you as you are and wish you were thinner and had bigger boobs. if i do find someone with these features, i'd love them instead of you"
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yeah, yta. despite all your protestations, you seem really unhappy with your own and your girlfriend's physical shape.
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dude.
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yta photoshop these days is a pain in the arse. stick to reality and tell you gf that she is beautiful just the way she is
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yta for not seeing how insulting that would be to your gf. “hey i wish you had bigger boobs so i photoshopped you” is definitely an asshole move. i would apologize for not thinking how it would hurt her.
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yta.
unless you’re completely oblivious, you must know women are constantly bombarded with media about how they could look “better” (aka bigger boobs, round ass, flat stomach, thigh gap, etc.). it’s no wonder she got upset when her own bf did it to her too.
and based on your replies, you’re just justifying your actions rather than accepting peoples judgement. apologize to your girlfriend, man.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits. [/INST] yta if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide. </s>
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WIBTA for banning all Indians from my website?
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i know this sounds really racist, but please hear me out.
so i operate a mental health support group website thingy. members there can message 'supporters' when they need someone to listen to their problems. i hope you get the idea.
recently a lot of people from india have signed up for this site as supporters. this site also features a report feature for abusive behavior. the report rate for long term supporters (excluding indians) is below 2% and those are usually illegitimate. for newly signed up supporters (excluding indians) it's way higher at around 22%. however after doing some investigating i found out that for recently signed up supporters from india the report rate is above 70% and for long term supporters from india it's still at 15%. normally this wouldn't be too big of an issue, these people would just get banned. however a lot of indians have signed up for this website and already represent about a third of the total supporter user base. i hope you can see how this is a massive issue. reviewing all the reports becomes difficult when there's so many of them and we can't ban them in a timely fashion anymore.
i've brought up the idea to some moderators and got an overall negative response and insults thrown my way. there's also another issue of long term supporters leaving because the supporters from india tend to be very vocal and aggressive in "taking away" the members from other supporters (there is a queue system in place). while this has brought waiting times down which would be a good thing, it also increased the amount of times a member has to queue as they're not getting the support they asked for (there's also categories). and the indian supporters in particular tend to be very hostile towards those having selected relationship or lgbtq+ issues as their category and women.
from my moderators perspective i seem to be in the wrong here, but i don't know how else i could handle the issue and i very much fear for my site to be dying. so wibta?
doesn't matter anymore. i shut down the website permanently.
| 2,304
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyu5nu/wibta_for_banning_all_indians_from_my_website/
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2019-09-02 20:00:42
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info - i've re-read your post 3 times and have no idea what you're talking about, but my gut tells me that there's gotta be some way of accomplishing your goals that doesn't involve racial profiling.
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nta as long as you are only excluding by location.
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nta - not racist (coming from a black person who actually knows what racism looks like) this isn't a race thing, it's a location thing.
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nta- i don’t think you’re racist, i can completely see where you’re coming from. especially if you’re running a mental health site and the supporters aren’t doing their job properly.
i don’t think banning “all indians” is a good idea either because chances are there would be people on there that are genuinely wanting to help.
just need a bit more context, do your supporters get paid? cause i’m struggling to understand why there would be a huge influx of people signing up for ill intentions if there wasn’t a reward as such?
perhaps you could look at incorporating something like a personality test prior to a supporter signing up. this could help to determine whether they are there for the right reasons or not.
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i'm an experienced community manager and moderator for a tech startup. i'm also a part of online support groups for my own mental health issues stemming from abuse, so i probably have a unique perspective.
obviously people who are in a bad state are generally much more vulnerable. this is especially true for people seeking help after abuse, who can often latch on to the first person who shows them even a tiny amount of kindness.
so while it may not be politically correct, seems like your first priority should be protecting the vulnerable who are seeking help on your site. if that means temporarily banning the ip of a certain area, so be it.
maybe consider making the training mandatory, rather than allowing people to skip it? they may help weed out some people looking for easy targets. also provide training to those seeking support on what to look out for to ensure they don't get scammed.
i'm not entirely sure how your site works, but potentially making users participate in a way (in public forum rather than private messages?) in order to earn a certain amount of karma before becoming a full supporter. it will again discourage lazy scammers and give your mod team a chance to see how future-supports behave/interact and ban them before they do harm.
i hope you find a scalable solution to the problem. don't hesitate to hit me up if you want to brainstorm or have me check out your site, i love this stuff.
best of luck
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nta
you have a vulnerable user base. it appears that your site has gotten around parts of that location as a place that men can access vulnerable women.
they are not coming there to get help as the site intended and cultures are clashing. they are there to prey on women in what should be there safe space.
basically your site has gone viral amoung indian pervs. this onslaught of interest will slow once the access is denied. i would place a temporary block based on location. prehaps a few months, untill people stop trying. i thing you will find that the interest from these unsavoury assholes will die down to a trickle, which then can be dealt with by a case by case basis once the area is re-opened.
in the mean time you and your mod team will have the breathing room needed to develop tools to quickly and efficiently deal with cases of predatory behaviour, improving your current framework, involving reporting, recording, protection and action taken.
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as racist as you sound i'd say nta
i'm not sure as to what solution you should seek here but you definitely need to put the people who are seeking support first.
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i don't believe that banning would be the right idea, or that it would even work out in the end, because i believe you are considering a ban based on ip/georeference data, but since both can be spoofed, you will not get your desired result, i believe that what you need is a better tool to moderate your supporters, probably set a mandatory star rating at the end of each session and make the system offer less opportunity to those with a low rating, or outwrite ban them at a low lvl, that way those paying for support can decide if the support received was ok or not and everything will self regulate in no time.
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nta, it’s not racist to acknowledge the behavior of a nation/culture and it certainly is not racist to act on it with preventative measures.
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nta. yes, it sounds racist, but i've tried to use so many apps with a chat function that have been entirely ruined by guys from india. if there's any hint of me being female, i get flooded with inappropriate messages to the point where i just delete the app again. i'm talking about literally 100+ messages in the first ten minutes, sometimes. it ruins the app, and i don't see any other way to handle it. as much as it would suck for the normal, appropriate people from india, i would greatly appreciate it if more apps did this.
if anyone doesn't believe me, download "randochat" (android, i don't know if there's an apple version) and set your profile to female.
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know this sounds really racist, but please hear me out. so i operate a mental health support group website thingy. members there can message 'supporters' when they need someone to listen to their problems. i hope you get the idea. recently a lot of people from india have signed up for this site as supporters. this site also features a report feature for abusive behavior. the report rate for long term supporters (excluding indians) is below 2% and those are usually illegitimate. for newly signed up supporters (excluding indians) it's way higher at around 22%. however after doing some investigating i found out that for recently signed up supporters from india the report rate is above 70% and for long term supporters from india it's still at 15%. normally this wouldn't be too big of an issue, these people would just get banned. however a lot of indians have signed up for this website and already represent about a third of the total supporter user base. i hope you can see how this is a massive issue. reviewing all the reports becomes difficult when there's so many of them and we can't ban them in a timely fashion anymore. i've brought up the idea to some moderators and got an overall negative response and insults thrown my way. there's also another issue of long term supporters leaving because the supporters from india tend to be very vocal and aggressive in "taking away" the members from other supporters (there is a queue system in place). while this has brought waiting times down which would be a good thing, it also increased the amount of times a member has to queue as they're not getting the support they asked for (there's also categories). and the indian supporters in particular tend to be very hostile towards those having selected relationship or lgbtq+ issues as their category and women. from my moderators perspective i seem to be in the wrong here, but i don't know how else i could handle the issue and i very much fear for my site to be dying. so wibta? doesn't matter anymore. i shut down the website permanently.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know this sounds really racist, but please hear me out. so i operate a mental health support group website thingy. members there can message 'supporters' when they need someone to listen to their problems. i hope you get the idea. recently a lot of people from india have signed up for this site as supporters. this site also features a report feature for abusive behavior. the report rate for long term supporters (excluding indians) is below 2% and those are usually illegitimate. for newly signed up supporters (excluding indians) it's way higher at around 22%. however after doing some investigating i found out that for recently signed up supporters from india the report rate is above 70% and for long term supporters from india it's still at 15%. normally this wouldn't be too big of an issue, these people would just get banned. however a lot of indians have signed up for this website and already represent about a third of the total supporter user base. i hope you can see how this is a massive issue. reviewing all the reports becomes difficult when there's so many of them and we can't ban them in a timely fashion anymore. i've brought up the idea to some moderators and got an overall negative response and insults thrown my way. there's also another issue of long term supporters leaving because the supporters from india tend to be very vocal and aggressive in "taking away" the members from other supporters (there is a queue system in place). while this has brought waiting times down which would be a good thing, it also increased the amount of times a member has to queue as they're not getting the support they asked for (there's also categories). and the indian supporters in particular tend to be very hostile towards those having selected relationship or lgbtq+ issues as their category and women. from my moderators perspective i seem to be in the wrong here, but i don't know how else i could handle the issue and i very much fear for my site to be dying. so wibta? doesn't matter anymore. i shut down the website permanently. [/INST] info - i've re-read your post 3 times and have no idea what you're talking about, but my gut tells me that there's gotta be some way of accomplishing your goals that doesn't involve racial profiling. </s>
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AITA for serving vegan food at my wedding?
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my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer.
when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for.
soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal.
i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me.
weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food.
i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table.
now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food.
i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free.
aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.
| 24,459
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0nuyg/aita_for_serving_vegan_food_at_my_wedding/
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2020-11-25 07:50:47
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nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free.
and most importantly, it is your wedding.
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nta. your wedding for one thing. if people don’t want to eat vegan, they simply don’t have to eat the free meal. and this is coming from a meat eating guy
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nta my cousin served vegan food at her wedding. it was delicious. your aunt is being a pain.
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[deleted]
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oh dear - how will i, a meat eater, ever survive without meat for less than a day? your aunt is being a big baby. can't say for sure your uncle is, since he said nothing, for all we know your aunt used him as an excuse. or maybe he's being a baby too. nta. tell her they can go to a steakhouse while the adults attend the wedding.
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nta. even ron swanson would keep his mouth shut on this and just eat a paunch burger before (and after). they have no class.
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nta. not even a tiny bit. it's your wedding and your choice. you've catered for those who have specific requirements so you're already doing your best. maybe he can bring a little tupperware box of ham or something to keep him from wasting away after being forced to eat one plant based (free) meal...
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nta - they are being petty. let them eat meat! at home.
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i went to my godson's wedding last year and it turns out his wife is vegan, so it was a vegan meal. the food was stunning and i only noticed it was vegan when people on my table started grumbling about it halfway through.
the food was just so exquisite, tasty and filling. perfect choice for an autumn wedding, with seasonal veg & produce. i couldn't believe how rude some of the guests were (a) it was free (b) it was some of the most creative catering i had experienced for a while (c) they expected the bride to put up with the sight & smells of cooked meat at her own wedding???
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nta if uncle is human, yta if uncle is a cat or other obligate carnivore.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life. [/INST] nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free. and most importantly, it is your wedding. </s>
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AITA for being grossed out by my girlfriend rarely washing her hair and not brushing it?
|
since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice.
however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day.
on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it.
aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately.
| 9,117
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6u0ng/aita_for_being_grossed_out_by_my_girlfriend/
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2020-10-07 16:27:12
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yta.
this isn't uncommon behaviour at all. girls with curly/wavy hair (myself included) usually don't brush it while dry because of how puffy/frizzy it gets, and going 3-4 days without washing isn't "rarely washing". it's normal. hair produces it's own oils and washing too frequently breaks them down, and that's what causes hair to become greasy.
your girlfriend is proud of her hair and is trying a new routine that is clearly working for her, so why make her feel bad about it?
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>i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair.
she is taking basic care of her hair. it's good for hair, especially curly hair, to not be washed every day. she's following a tried and true method to best take care of the type if hair that she has.
the problem here is that you are uneducated on the issue and have been brought up to erroneously believe that washing your hair every day is standard basic hygiene everyone must follow.
i'm gonna go with yta because you're calling her gross before you even tried to learn why she's doing what she's doing.
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yta. that’s what the curly girl method is. brushing ruins curls, i finger brush mine in the shower and i wash when needed (1-3 days). as long as her hair isn’t oily or smelly it’s none of your business. let her embrace her curls. cgm is a journey and extremely worth it.
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yta. daily shampooing is actually very unhealthy and causes a lot of damage to the hair. especially to curly/wavy hair. if you brush it it’s frizz galore (think monica in the barbados episode).
you know nothing about caring for women’s hair so you really don’t get an opinion. unless it’s smelling or letting it go without a wash for weeks to the point it’s greasy then yta.
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> since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice.
that's all you had to say. yta for thinking that you know more about her hair then the person growing it on her head. it looks nice.
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yta, literally google could’ve told you this before you tried to make it an issue with your gf. there is nothing dirty about her hair care routine, especially not brushing it.
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yta. that’s how curly hair works. it’s hard to manage and curly hair is best brushed when it’s wet. leave her alone. hair product isn’t *the only reason it’s not smelling*, it’s not smelling because treating your hair like that is normal. stop being such a prick to her. it’s just hair.
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yta you know nothing about hair clearly especially curly/wavy hair. with any hair you shouldn't wash it every day or really every other day 1-2 times a week is the best for your hair. and brushing out curly/wavy hair is a big no no.
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yta.
you didn’t notice she wasn’t washing her hair every day until she told you, so clearly it was not actually gross until you decided it was based on your own feelings and not facts. you say her hair looks nice but get upset because she doesn’t use a brush. if it looks nice, not brushing clearly isn’t a problem. again, you didn’t even notice and only got upset when told she doesn’t use a brush.
curly hair does better when it’s washed less often and doesn’t have a brush rub through it. that doesn’t mean curly girls let it get tangled, it means we use other methods.
instead of being upset by something you didn’t even notice, maybe take some time to learn about why she’s changed the way she manages her hair. ultimately, it’s her hair and you have no say in any of it, but maybe if you learn about the reasons behind it, you won’t be so freaked out.
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same, i just messy bun it. completely transformed my greasy hair.
my husband had the same reaction and i was like "but did you notice?"... "no😳"...🤦
i go about 10-12 days unless i have somewhere special to be. and lets face it right now...there is no where special to be 🥺
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice. however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day. on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it. aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice. however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day. on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it. aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately. [/INST] yta. this isn't uncommon behaviour at all. girls with curly/wavy hair (myself included) usually don't brush it while dry because of how puffy/frizzy it gets, and going 3-4 days without washing isn't "rarely washing". it's normal. hair produces it's own oils and washing too frequently breaks them down, and that's what causes hair to become greasy. your girlfriend is proud of her hair and is trying a new routine that is clearly working for her, so why make her feel bad about it? </s>
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AITA for not caring that my daughter is trans?
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so bqcicallay, my daughter (15f) had just told us at dinner that she was trans, and then she told us that she was using she/her pronouns and then she said that she wanted some clothes and therapy. we all just said a short cool. and then when she heard that she was mad that we didn’t give her the great and grand acceptance that she wanted. i told her that i will love her the same as when she was my son. she had just gotten up and left. i am very conflicted on this, so aita?m i
| 1,979
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7mm4i/aita_for_not_caring_that_my_daughter_is_trans/
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2020-12-06 04:07:20
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nah
you gave a natural reaction, one of acceptance.
it was a big moment for her that had been building up for quite some time and she didn’t get the reaction she had been expecting.
you are both entitled to your feelings. continue reassuring her, continue accepting her, make sure she feels heard. this is a journey she’s been on for a while, you may do well to read some books or articles on how to be sure she feels welcomed and accepted at this pivotal moment. best of luck and congratulations!
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nah. i think she wanted you guys to react a little more because she's probably either 1.been holding it in for a long time or 2.sees other success stories online about how people react and had some high expectations.
nevertheless, what's important is that you guys support her!! really makes me happy to see it and i'm sure she'll soon understand that she's lucky to have such amazing parents
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nah
some trans people want a grand dramatic acceptance where there's tears and heartfelt embraces and it sounds like your daughter wanted that.
i'm trans too and you sound a lot like my dad. he still loves me and what name and pronouns i use is irrelevant to him and doesn't change how he feels. that was exactly what i wanted though. i didnt want it to be a big deal when i came out and he didnt treat it as such.
you dont have to do something grand and over dramatic but try doing something small to really emphasize the fact that you support and love her. maybe get a little cake and have "congratulations (new name)" written on it or something? or get her a little sign for her door that says "(new name's) room"
or ask her what specifically she wanted or something. i hope you can all get this figured out, but big props to you for already using she/her and feminine descriptive words.
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i'm gonna say nah because this is a real big and important moment for your daughter and maybe such a nonchalant response didn't convey that it is a very important thing to you too. you sound like you are being supportive which is great, but it might be nice to plan a special day to do a bunch of things that your daughter maybe missed out on as a child so she knows how much you love and support her
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nta
acceptance doesn't need pomp and circumstance. you love and support her, that's all she needs.
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nta. when i came out (as a lesbian) to my parents, they also just said "cool, anyway pass the potatoes" and accepted it similarly to how you did. from my perspective, i did want some grand reaction just to have my own ~tv drama~ moment... but i've grown to appreciate how they reacted. it might take time for her to calm down, but she will probably come around eventually.
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
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nta.
as a transwoman myself, i would be ecstatic if my parents responded that way! i applaud you standing by your daughter.
it does sound like she may have expected/needed a bit more reassurance that you all are truly okay with everything and will be there for her throughout the very long, painful journey she is entering. i would think that is more likely than her wanting a big deal made out of it just for attentions sake.
knowing someone doesn't care either way isn't as reassuring as knowing someone cares enough to make a reasonably big deal out of such a big life moment.
therapy is extremely important and the most important thing for her right now! i recommend her receiving that asap!
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nah it’s great that you love your kid regardless. but as someone who’s lgbtq i understand the disappointment. i’ve been through all the reactions - glee, active acceptance, passive acceptance, disappointment and active hate. you never know how someone’s going to react. your parents are often the most important people you’re going to come out. so it’s natural to want beyond a “cool.”
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NAH
| 0.023639
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so bqcicallay, my daughter (15f) had just told us at dinner that she was trans, and then she told us that she was using she/her pronouns and then she said that she wanted some clothes and therapy. we all just said a short cool. and then when she heard that she was mad that we didn’t give her the great and grand acceptance that she wanted. i told her that i will love her the same as when she was my son. she had just gotten up and left. i am very conflicted on this, so aita?m i
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so bqcicallay, my daughter (15f) had just told us at dinner that she was trans, and then she told us that she was using she/her pronouns and then she said that she wanted some clothes and therapy. we all just said a short cool. and then when she heard that she was mad that we didn’t give her the great and grand acceptance that she wanted. i told her that i will love her the same as when she was my son. she had just gotten up and left. i am very conflicted on this, so aita?m i [/INST] nah you gave a natural reaction, one of acceptance. it was a big moment for her that had been building up for quite some time and she didn’t get the reaction she had been expecting. you are both entitled to your feelings. continue reassuring her, continue accepting her, make sure she feels heard. this is a journey she’s been on for a while, you may do well to read some books or articles on how to be sure she feels welcomed and accepted at this pivotal moment. best of luck and congratulations! </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my boyfriend move in with me because it would most likely mean I would have to pay 20x more rent?
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i live in a flat in a building owned by my ex’s parents, because they like me and my ex asked them to, they only charge me around 5% of the price it would actually cost me to rent it from them.
i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he asked to move in with me after he found out my ex moved back to london and was living in the same building as me. while i would love to live with him, i also know it would mean we would need to pay the full rent amount which is just not affordable for me, even with him paying half. i don’t want to move to another location because this flat is amazing and i doubt i’ll ever be able to live here again so i want to enjoy it until i can’t anymore.
when i told him no, my boyfriend got super angry at me because he thinks i’m lying about the rent going up if he moves in and he also told me i couldn’t keep leeching from my ex’s family my whole life when i wouldn’t change my mind.
aita?
| 3,254
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wqtf26/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_boyfriend_move_in/
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2022-08-17 16:29:44
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nah.
you both have valid perspectives. i would not be comfortable being in a relationship for 2 years, where we could not progress to the next step (living together) because of an ex-subsidizing my partner's living situation.
otoh, i can't fault you for not wanting to give it up. but it may be at the expensive of your current relationship.
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info
what's the endgame here? you've been together 2 years, wanting to live together at this point is pretty normal.
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info
> they only charge me around 5% of the price it would actually cost me to rent it from them
> dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years
> the full rent amount which is **just not affordable for me**, even with him paying half
what the hell have you been doing with **_all_ this rent money you've been saving** for 2+ years?!?
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nah. “super angry” could be a problem but having concerns when your ex’s parents are covering 95% of your rent is reasonable.
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i can't blame you for taking advantage of the generous offer (and yes, i mean the offer, not the ex's parents), because it gets you an opportunity to gain financial stability.
however, i can also understand why this makes your bf nervous. he sees it as clinging onto your old relationship. his reaction to that is quite severe though and leads me more towards you being nta.
however this plays out long term, i hope it comes up best for you.
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info: what's the plan for moving forward with your current boyfriend? i see your point, but i see his as well. have your ex's parents said that if you move in a partner they are going to make up pay full rent? if your ex goes to his parents and tell them to up the rent are they going to? do you have anything in writing about the rent?
you've been seeing him for 2 years, they obviously know, your ex obviously knows, so what are you planning on doing?
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yta
if the rent would go up if your bf moves in, you are basically being paid by your ex’s family to never progress romantically in life.
i think your bf is more serious about you than you are about him, but you may want to reconsider what your flat is really costing you here.
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i honestly think there is a little fault on both sides. because i think you should not be in a flat, where you are dependent of the parents of your ex liking you. i understand why he is mad, i would not like me boyfriend living in the same house with his parents as landlords, but how that sounds for me ist that he doesn't trust you that nothing will happen and that's a red flag.
i would not move out because of him, but for future relationships (with him or not) i would consider looking for a new flat.
but don't do anything you don't want because he's pressuring you :)
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[deleted]
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esh.
big gifts come with strings. stop denying that.
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NAH
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INFO
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.512368
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a flat in a building owned by my ex’s parents, because they like me and my ex asked them to, they only charge me around 5% of the price it would actually cost me to rent it from them. i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he asked to move in with me after he found out my ex moved back to london and was living in the same building as me. while i would love to live with him, i also know it would mean we would need to pay the full rent amount which is just not affordable for me, even with him paying half. i don’t want to move to another location because this flat is amazing and i doubt i’ll ever be able to live here again so i want to enjoy it until i can’t anymore. when i told him no, my boyfriend got super angry at me because he thinks i’m lying about the rent going up if he moves in and he also told me i couldn’t keep leeching from my ex’s family my whole life when i wouldn’t change my mind. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a flat in a building owned by my ex’s parents, because they like me and my ex asked them to, they only charge me around 5% of the price it would actually cost me to rent it from them. i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he asked to move in with me after he found out my ex moved back to london and was living in the same building as me. while i would love to live with him, i also know it would mean we would need to pay the full rent amount which is just not affordable for me, even with him paying half. i don’t want to move to another location because this flat is amazing and i doubt i’ll ever be able to live here again so i want to enjoy it until i can’t anymore. when i told him no, my boyfriend got super angry at me because he thinks i’m lying about the rent going up if he moves in and he also told me i couldn’t keep leeching from my ex’s family my whole life when i wouldn’t change my mind. aita? [/INST] nah. you both have valid perspectives. i would not be comfortable being in a relationship for 2 years, where we could not progress to the next step (living together) because of an ex-subsidizing my partner's living situation. otoh, i can't fault you for not wanting to give it up. but it may be at the expensive of your current relationship. </s>
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AITA for straightening my boyfriends daughters hair?
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i (25f) was straightening my hair when my boyfriends 11 year old daughter “v” came up to me and asked if i could straighten her hair, too. i asked her father, who said it was fine, so i did.
the next day, i get a message from her mother, furious that i would do this to her daughters hair. apparently, v had been bugging her mom to do it for a while and her mom had told her no (i clearly wasn’t aware of this). i told her that v’s father had said it was okay, and she snapped back at me that i should’ve gotten permission from both parents before doing this.
i told her i used low heat and heat protection on her daughters hair, and now that i knows she’s not okay with it, i won’t do it again. she told me to “use my brain next time” and hung up on me.
i really don’t see this as too big of a deal-i didnt do anything permanent to her hair, she can simply wash it and it’ll be back to normal, and there was no heat damage at all to vs hair.
even so, i feel bad that i crossed a boundary with vs mom, even though i didn’t know there was one.
aita for straightening v’s hair?
| 3,255
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7f5t3/aita_for_straightening_my_boyfriends_daughters/
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2020-12-05 20:32:21
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info - what is your race and the child's race? also do y'all have the same hair type or different?
i ask these questions because someone straightening a black child's hair has way more implications than doing the same to a curly-headed white child.
edit*: i said my piece and won't respond to anymore people about the above. it's 2020 and google exists so educate yourself. yes, race matters so feel free to educate your own self on how and why.
|
nta. an 11 year older child asked you to straighten her hair. she has bodily autonomy and i assume she knew how it was done. you protected her hair by using product and you asked her dad too.
you covered your bases. this is on the mom, and frankly, she’s acting ridiculous.
the child asked for this.
the father agreed you could do it. the mom sounds insecure and controlling.
|
nta. your boyfriend said it was ok, v wanted this and 11 is old enough to make hair choices. flat ironing is not permanent. her mom is being shitty and petty.
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nta - v's parents need to improve their communication.
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nta, it's just weird controlling behaviour. it's not about hair.
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nta. i’m a fan of not policing the appearance of one’s child, and her grievances need to be directed to the dad since you did get approval from a parental figure.
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nta - also, you need to know that this isn't about v's hair.
this is about her mother being an asshole because, for whatever reason, she clearly doesn't want you to have anything to do with her daughter.
why isn't your boyfriend sorting this? you need to have a serious talk and ensure that he's supporting you, because if he doesn't set clear boundaries with his ex, your life as a family could get very uncomfortable very quickly.
|
> the next day, i get a message from her mother, furious that i would do this to her daughters hair.
advise her mom that you cleared it with your partner first and that if she has concerns about it she can talk to your partner. nta.
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nta - by age 11 kids should start to be allowed to make decisions about their appearance
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nta no way for you to know mum had already said no, but now you know in future the daughter might ask you for things she knows her mum would say no to.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25f) was straightening my hair when my boyfriends 11 year old daughter “v” came up to me and asked if i could straighten her hair, too. i asked her father, who said it was fine, so i did. the next day, i get a message from her mother, furious that i would do this to her daughters hair. apparently, v had been bugging her mom to do it for a while and her mom had told her no (i clearly wasn’t aware of this). i told her that v’s father had said it was okay, and she snapped back at me that i should’ve gotten permission from both parents before doing this. i told her i used low heat and heat protection on her daughters hair, and now that i knows she’s not okay with it, i won’t do it again. she told me to “use my brain next time” and hung up on me. i really don’t see this as too big of a deal-i didnt do anything permanent to her hair, she can simply wash it and it’ll be back to normal, and there was no heat damage at all to vs hair. even so, i feel bad that i crossed a boundary with vs mom, even though i didn’t know there was one. aita for straightening v’s hair?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) was straightening my hair when my boyfriends 11 year old daughter “v” came up to me and asked if i could straighten her hair, too. i asked her father, who said it was fine, so i did. the next day, i get a message from her mother, furious that i would do this to her daughters hair. apparently, v had been bugging her mom to do it for a while and her mom had told her no (i clearly wasn’t aware of this). i told her that v’s father had said it was okay, and she snapped back at me that i should’ve gotten permission from both parents before doing this. i told her i used low heat and heat protection on her daughters hair, and now that i knows she’s not okay with it, i won’t do it again. she told me to “use my brain next time” and hung up on me. i really don’t see this as too big of a deal-i didnt do anything permanent to her hair, she can simply wash it and it’ll be back to normal, and there was no heat damage at all to vs hair. even so, i feel bad that i crossed a boundary with vs mom, even though i didn’t know there was one. aita for straightening v’s hair? [/INST] info - what is your race and the child's race? also do y'all have the same hair type or different? i ask these questions because someone straightening a black child's hair has way more implications than doing the same to a curly-headed white child. edit*: i said my piece and won't respond to anymore people about the above. it's 2020 and google exists so educate yourself. yes, race matters so feel free to educate your own self on how and why. </s>
|
AITA for going awol for a few days after finding out my son isn't biologically mine?
|
i (48m) found out about three months ago that my son (18m) isn't biologically mine. this was completely shocking and devastating to me, as i had never suspected my wife of cheating on me. when i found out, i didn't really know how to react and just up and drove away to process things for a few days. i told both my wife and son that i needed some time and didn't answer any of their calls or messages.
i realized how fucking shitty it was of me to do that to my son who had done nothing wrong, and as soon as i got back, i apologized profusely, telling him he was absolutely without a doubt my son and there was no excuse for me to behave that way. but the damage had been done. he told me he couldn't believe i would just abandon him if i truly saw him as his son. he wasn't sure if he could live with that knowledge. it was winter break for him (his first year in college), and when he went back to school, he pretty much never calls or answers my calls unless it's something logistics related.
yesterday, he called me to let me know that during spring break he planned to move the rest of his stuff out of the house, and that's breaking me. i begged him to talk it out, crying, asking for forgiveness, telling him i'll do anything to make it up to him, but he won't have it. i know that as his father, i should have accepted him unconditionally, and there was no excuse for me to ignore him for those four days. in the moment, i didn't think i could handle all the new information that was coming at me. aita for ignoring him for four days when i first found out he wasn't biologically mine?
| 2,140
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tggcb4/aita_for_going_awol_for_a_few_days_after_finding/
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2022-03-17 18:08:14
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nah
(except your wife)
you rightly needed time to process that huge and shitty revelation.
he’s entitled to feel hurt and completely rejected in that moment because he also had to find out that his dad isn’t his biological father.
you can’t undo your reaction and it might have damaged your relationship with him. hopefully in time things will get better.
|
nta this is a huge bomb to drop on someone glad your trying to stick around for your son but i hope to god you left that "woman"
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nah - yes was it bad to go a few days ignoring your son, of course. but i don’t believe many people would have handled that situation any differently. i think at this point you should let your son know you will be there for him and keep trying to show effort. but give him time. it hurt that the person he thought was his father would turn his back on him. if this is also news he just found out too it has to hurt a ton.
only ah here 100% is the child’s mother.
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nta but you've got a big monumental parenting hurdle in front of you to repair this. i would really stress to him that you disappearing wasn't a reflection of your feelings towards him or rejection of him. really drill in you were *traumatized by the betrayal of your wife having an affair* and it gave you a mini break down and you isolated yourself from the entire world or however you would word it accurately. try to separate his existence from that information. stay away from focusing on him not being biologically yours, don't share that with him. focus on her betrayal. i'm sure you can imagine what all he may be reeling from? beg if you need to and tell him you can't lose your son too. he's needing intense validation. don't stop reaching out and hopefully this is his version of temporarily handling everything. wishing you the best possible outcome.
|
i'm a runner too, getting away from the situation seems like it's the best, but in my experience it tends to make situations worse.
the thing is it doesn't matter if we think you are or are not the ah in this situation. your son believes yta. you ran away from the situation and couldn't even answer his phone calls when he was a victim in this situation, too. his world turned upside down, his mom showed herself, in *extremely* light words, to be a bad person and a liar and the man he thought was his dad didn't want anything to do with him for days after learning this. he needed your support through this. so much damage was done in such a short amount of time, it's going to take a lot to repair this relationship if *he* ever decides that he wants to repair it.
|
i think judgement doesn't matter because your son gave you the answer. you distanced yourself from him and probably broke his heart. everyone is talking turmoil and all that. but fact is you did extra damage and not just by leaving.
you left while hyper emotional and didn't contact him for days. how long do you think it took for him to wonder if you killed yourself? do you think he worried that you got in a car accident? maybe called hospitals.
because you didn't just leave. you went radio silent for 4 days. 4 days of nothing.
you're lucky he's speaking to you at all.
|
nah, except your wife. you responded in a healthy way. you let them know you were going and you came back ready to talk things out. your son is also responding normally. his entire family has been put into question while he is already going through huge life changes. i think therapy for the both of you would be beneficial and one day your son may reach out after realizing you got strung along in this too. give him time and space. i hope you're doing okay after all this.
|
a bit ta if both of you found out at the same time (which is what appears to have happened), because it was a shock for him too and he didn’t have his father support.
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nah but it would have been better if you kicked her out for three days.
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nta. you probably need some time to recover after that huge piece of info was dropped on you.
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.153093
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (48m) found out about three months ago that my son (18m) isn't biologically mine. this was completely shocking and devastating to me, as i had never suspected my wife of cheating on me. when i found out, i didn't really know how to react and just up and drove away to process things for a few days. i told both my wife and son that i needed some time and didn't answer any of their calls or messages. i realized how fucking shitty it was of me to do that to my son who had done nothing wrong, and as soon as i got back, i apologized profusely, telling him he was absolutely without a doubt my son and there was no excuse for me to behave that way. but the damage had been done. he told me he couldn't believe i would just abandon him if i truly saw him as his son. he wasn't sure if he could live with that knowledge. it was winter break for him (his first year in college), and when he went back to school, he pretty much never calls or answers my calls unless it's something logistics related. yesterday, he called me to let me know that during spring break he planned to move the rest of his stuff out of the house, and that's breaking me. i begged him to talk it out, crying, asking for forgiveness, telling him i'll do anything to make it up to him, but he won't have it. i know that as his father, i should have accepted him unconditionally, and there was no excuse for me to ignore him for those four days. in the moment, i didn't think i could handle all the new information that was coming at me. aita for ignoring him for four days when i first found out he wasn't biologically mine?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (48m) found out about three months ago that my son (18m) isn't biologically mine. this was completely shocking and devastating to me, as i had never suspected my wife of cheating on me. when i found out, i didn't really know how to react and just up and drove away to process things for a few days. i told both my wife and son that i needed some time and didn't answer any of their calls or messages. i realized how fucking shitty it was of me to do that to my son who had done nothing wrong, and as soon as i got back, i apologized profusely, telling him he was absolutely without a doubt my son and there was no excuse for me to behave that way. but the damage had been done. he told me he couldn't believe i would just abandon him if i truly saw him as his son. he wasn't sure if he could live with that knowledge. it was winter break for him (his first year in college), and when he went back to school, he pretty much never calls or answers my calls unless it's something logistics related. yesterday, he called me to let me know that during spring break he planned to move the rest of his stuff out of the house, and that's breaking me. i begged him to talk it out, crying, asking for forgiveness, telling him i'll do anything to make it up to him, but he won't have it. i know that as his father, i should have accepted him unconditionally, and there was no excuse for me to ignore him for those four days. in the moment, i didn't think i could handle all the new information that was coming at me. aita for ignoring him for four days when i first found out he wasn't biologically mine? [/INST] nah (except your wife) you rightly needed time to process that huge and shitty revelation. he’s entitled to feel hurt and completely rejected in that moment because he also had to find out that his dad isn’t his biological father. you can’t undo your reaction and it might have damaged your relationship with him. hopefully in time things will get better. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to delete several sets of cosplay photo's?
|
i'm an amateur photographer, but hoping to make this my side gig. i am relatively good at it, even though i say so myself.
i often do shoots with people like beginning models, people who want to be actors, etc. basically i do a shoot for free, they can use the pictures on their own website, or when sending out head shots to agents, etc.
i, on the other hand keep the copyright to those pictures. i can also use them on my website, for my portfolio - or if applicable, to exhibit them at a gallery.
anyway, someone i used to be good friends with does cosplay and outright asked me if we could have a similar arrangement.
that sounded fun, so i did. at several occasions, several costumes. this took up many hours, and also cost me some money out of pocket for gas money to get to certain locations.
anyway, i had a personal falling out with her, not related to the cosplay. following that, she wants me to delete all pictures of her.
also, her partner apparently is making a scene over me having these pictures (which, for the record, are not x-rated).
i refused, stating i put time/editing/money into it - and while i'd be willing to delete specific photo's if deemed offensive, but i'm unwilling to delete entire sets - and i still want to use them for portfolio's etc.
aita for refusing to delete these pictures?
| 1,986
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hilbda/aita_for_refusing_to_delete_several_sets_of/
|
2020-06-30 11:09:28
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nah. by getting their photos taken they entered a business contract of sorts: they get to use their pictures, and you get to keep them for your portfolio. no problem here, especially as they aren't x-rated pics.
on the other hand, i can understand that they don't want you to have their pictures anymore after the argument.
in a fully professional environment this would be different, but as you said yourself, you are an amateur, and discretion is good for your reputation. therefore, i might suggest you come up with an appropriate (but fair) amount she can pay for the full rights to the pictures (i'm guessing *she* still wants to keep them for personal use). after all, you still had to facture in for work and materials.
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>i, on the other hand keep the copyright to those pictures. i can also use them on my website, for my portfolio - or if applicable, to exhibit them at a gallery.
>while i'd be willing to delete specific photo's if deemed offensive, but i'm unwilling to delete entire sets
nta. sounds reasonable
|
nta
you own the copyright of the photos as per the verbal agreement
in the future make sure there’s kinds of arrangements are in written contracts, even with friends
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op, please do not take legal advice from anyone replying in this thread. (and nta)
|
i work with photographers often, as a pro makeup artist of thirty years. while laws vary from location to location, it is generally true that the photographer owns all rights to images unless specifically signed away in payment/permission, it is also generally considers food form to take them down if requested.
to delete them entirely from your drive isn’t done unless they’re paid for. it’s your work, no matter what their emotions think is fair.
this is a good lesson for both of you, and you should tell your ex friend this, as well. you can tell her “i made the mistake of not having you sign the same contract i usually have talent sign, and that’s my mistake. you don’t get to rescind ownership of something you never signed for, and that’s your mistake. we both made the mistake of thinking our friendship was permanent and stronger than photos. i am not obligated to delete my work from my drive, but i can agree to never use them or post them.
going forward, hopefully we can both learn from this.”
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you seem to be nta, but what was the falling out exactly? also was the agreement just verbal or also legal? cause she may sue you.
|
well i think this is a question you need legal advice for, because i have a suspicion that if someone retracts their permission for you to publish their image, you have an obligation to remove the pictures. you have the copyright to the pictures but it's her image that appears in these pictures and there are privacy laws that prohibit unlicensed use of a person's image, depending on where you live of course. so i'd ask r/legaladvice.
as for the asshole part, i think you shouldn't want the hassle. if you just remove them from public fora you get her off your back and she's not going to keep being angry with you. i do think yta just because again, whilst you took the trouble to take the pictures, she's the one who's in them, and i think she has a right to say what she wants done with those pictures, if not legally then at least morally.
|
nta.
but unless you have that agreement in writing, it's hard to fight back if they seek legal actions. if you do have it in writing, offer her to buy the exclusive copyright at going market rates, if she wants them out of your hands that badly.
| null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.088332
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm an amateur photographer, but hoping to make this my side gig. i am relatively good at it, even though i say so myself. i often do shoots with people like beginning models, people who want to be actors, etc. basically i do a shoot for free, they can use the pictures on their own website, or when sending out head shots to agents, etc. i, on the other hand keep the copyright to those pictures. i can also use them on my website, for my portfolio - or if applicable, to exhibit them at a gallery. anyway, someone i used to be good friends with does cosplay and outright asked me if we could have a similar arrangement. that sounded fun, so i did. at several occasions, several costumes. this took up many hours, and also cost me some money out of pocket for gas money to get to certain locations. anyway, i had a personal falling out with her, not related to the cosplay. following that, she wants me to delete all pictures of her. also, her partner apparently is making a scene over me having these pictures (which, for the record, are not x-rated). i refused, stating i put time/editing/money into it - and while i'd be willing to delete specific photo's if deemed offensive, but i'm unwilling to delete entire sets - and i still want to use them for portfolio's etc. aita for refusing to delete these pictures?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm an amateur photographer, but hoping to make this my side gig. i am relatively good at it, even though i say so myself. i often do shoots with people like beginning models, people who want to be actors, etc. basically i do a shoot for free, they can use the pictures on their own website, or when sending out head shots to agents, etc. i, on the other hand keep the copyright to those pictures. i can also use them on my website, for my portfolio - or if applicable, to exhibit them at a gallery. anyway, someone i used to be good friends with does cosplay and outright asked me if we could have a similar arrangement. that sounded fun, so i did. at several occasions, several costumes. this took up many hours, and also cost me some money out of pocket for gas money to get to certain locations. anyway, i had a personal falling out with her, not related to the cosplay. following that, she wants me to delete all pictures of her. also, her partner apparently is making a scene over me having these pictures (which, for the record, are not x-rated). i refused, stating i put time/editing/money into it - and while i'd be willing to delete specific photo's if deemed offensive, but i'm unwilling to delete entire sets - and i still want to use them for portfolio's etc. aita for refusing to delete these pictures? [/INST] nah. by getting their photos taken they entered a business contract of sorts: they get to use their pictures, and you get to keep them for your portfolio. no problem here, especially as they aren't x-rated pics. on the other hand, i can understand that they don't want you to have their pictures anymore after the argument. in a fully professional environment this would be different, but as you said yourself, you are an amateur, and discretion is good for your reputation. therefore, i might suggest you come up with an appropriate (but fair) amount she can pay for the full rights to the pictures (i'm guessing *she* still wants to keep them for personal use). after all, you still had to facture in for work and materials. </s>
|
AITA for telling my (27/f) husband (29/m) that his mother is the reason why his father passed away?
|
the full story - my mil (50/f) is extremely depressed and stressed about her husband's death who died 2 years ago. she refuses to move on from his passing which i can understand but the issue with her is that -
1. she is extremely controlling - she only lets me wear the clothes that she has brought for me otherwise she asks me to change.
2. she doesn't let me cook. im only allowed to help her around the house and assist her while she cooks for everyone.
3. i have to ask for her permission before i do basic stuff like eating a chocolate or snacks, going somewhere.
4. i have to ask her how i am supposed to do household work( even when i do the same thing everyday)
5. once i was super sick and my mil refused to let me take my medicine ( i have allergies) because its bad to take medicine everyday according to her.
6. wont let me have breakfast because in her family they only cook once and eat it for lunch and dinner. also because she wont cook breakfast for me and also doesn't let me cook so i can't cook breakfast for myself [ i get super hungry without breakfast because i have to go to work in the morning]
7. 2 years ago when my fil was sick he told my dad ( who were their family doctor) my dad was out of station so he asked my fil to go to another doctor who was available and not waste time at home.. my fil told my dad that his wife is asking him to take cold medicine and malaria medicine instead of going to another doctor. my dad obviously disagreed but couldn't convince my fil otherwise.
2 days later my fil got sick beyond recovery and passed away.
8. my dad told this to my mom and she told me and i made a mistake of telling this to my husband.
9. my husband now claims that i am villainizing my mil and now he wants to leave me.
i think i am the asshole because i blamed the death of his father on his grieving mother. i told him because i wanted him to know the consequences of his mothers controlling habits.
| 1,334
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvfmv2/aita_for_telling_my_27f_husband_29m_that_his/
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2022-05-22 17:26:01
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info: why the frickity frick are you still in this situation/marriage?!!! let the husband leave and get the fuck out
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get out. let the husband leave you - there is no way you wouldnt be better off.
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you are an adult woman, why does your mil control your life?
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nta get the hell out of there and call the cops
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why don't ***you*** want to leave your husband? you sound like an indentured servant with no parole.
&#x200b;
nta
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i think your mil is dangerous, and you should go back home to your parents. let so stay with his mother.
nta
|
that level of control is... frankly scary. i'm sorry you would be shunned in your community. but it does sound like mil did kill fil by giving him meds that a doctor said not to, and he died from it.
again, i'm sorry you'd be shunned, but this is not a way to live life. let your husband leave. your nta.
|
you’re either going to continue this awful controlled life where you can’t even take your medication without permission, or you’ll be shunned and free to make your own choices.
“chose your own poison” as they say
|
what the hell? i have a feeling you are from indian culture because i've read similar situations before just like this. the sad part is that the husband holds the mother-in-law in higher regard than the wife. you need to try to talk to your husband and get your own place. nta
|
thank you so much to the indian women who have responded! if you're already treated like shit every day, why be afraid of other people disapproving of you? their opinions are trivial. just get out of there and move away to somewhere else where nobody knows your backstory.
|
INFO
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.010352
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the full story - my mil (50/f) is extremely depressed and stressed about her husband's death who died 2 years ago. she refuses to move on from his passing which i can understand but the issue with her is that - 1. she is extremely controlling - she only lets me wear the clothes that she has brought for me otherwise she asks me to change. 2. she doesn't let me cook. im only allowed to help her around the house and assist her while she cooks for everyone. 3. i have to ask for her permission before i do basic stuff like eating a chocolate or snacks, going somewhere. 4. i have to ask her how i am supposed to do household work( even when i do the same thing everyday) 5. once i was super sick and my mil refused to let me take my medicine ( i have allergies) because its bad to take medicine everyday according to her. 6. wont let me have breakfast because in her family they only cook once and eat it for lunch and dinner. also because she wont cook breakfast for me and also doesn't let me cook so i can't cook breakfast for myself [ i get super hungry without breakfast because i have to go to work in the morning] 7. 2 years ago when my fil was sick he told my dad ( who were their family doctor) my dad was out of station so he asked my fil to go to another doctor who was available and not waste time at home.. my fil told my dad that his wife is asking him to take cold medicine and malaria medicine instead of going to another doctor. my dad obviously disagreed but couldn't convince my fil otherwise. 2 days later my fil got sick beyond recovery and passed away. 8. my dad told this to my mom and she told me and i made a mistake of telling this to my husband. 9. my husband now claims that i am villainizing my mil and now he wants to leave me. i think i am the asshole because i blamed the death of his father on his grieving mother. i told him because i wanted him to know the consequences of his mothers controlling habits.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the full story - my mil (50/f) is extremely depressed and stressed about her husband's death who died 2 years ago. she refuses to move on from his passing which i can understand but the issue with her is that - 1. she is extremely controlling - she only lets me wear the clothes that she has brought for me otherwise she asks me to change. 2. she doesn't let me cook. im only allowed to help her around the house and assist her while she cooks for everyone. 3. i have to ask for her permission before i do basic stuff like eating a chocolate or snacks, going somewhere. 4. i have to ask her how i am supposed to do household work( even when i do the same thing everyday) 5. once i was super sick and my mil refused to let me take my medicine ( i have allergies) because its bad to take medicine everyday according to her. 6. wont let me have breakfast because in her family they only cook once and eat it for lunch and dinner. also because she wont cook breakfast for me and also doesn't let me cook so i can't cook breakfast for myself [ i get super hungry without breakfast because i have to go to work in the morning] 7. 2 years ago when my fil was sick he told my dad ( who were their family doctor) my dad was out of station so he asked my fil to go to another doctor who was available and not waste time at home.. my fil told my dad that his wife is asking him to take cold medicine and malaria medicine instead of going to another doctor. my dad obviously disagreed but couldn't convince my fil otherwise. 2 days later my fil got sick beyond recovery and passed away. 8. my dad told this to my mom and she told me and i made a mistake of telling this to my husband. 9. my husband now claims that i am villainizing my mil and now he wants to leave me. i think i am the asshole because i blamed the death of his father on his grieving mother. i told him because i wanted him to know the consequences of his mothers controlling habits. [/INST] info: why the frickity frick are you still in this situation/marriage?!!! let the husband leave and get the fuck out </s>
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AITA for ruining my sister's wedding by being "actively bisexual"?
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disclaimer: the wedding happened last year, the drama, however, is still continuing hence why i am making this post
in late 2019, my sister got married. she encouraged all guests to bring dates and family along (no more than 3 people) since she was "the more the merrier" type of person. i brought my girlfriend of 3 years, whom my sister knew very well, to my sister's wedding. this is where shit happens.
my girlfriend was the first girl i dated, as i have only dated men in the past. so, naturally, some folks who weren't really in-the-know were shocked that i brought a girl to the wedding. i knew some of them knew of my sexuality, but i don't think they expected me to be "actively bisexual" (genuine quote said to me by grooms family).
all the attention was drawn to me and my girlfriend but i acted like i wasn't fazed by it and i continued acting as i normally would with my girlfriend (holding hands, leaning, moderate pda). after the main part of the wedding, my sister came up to me fuming. she said that i ruined the wedding as i stole all the attention she should have gotten on her special day. i told her i had no control of the unwanted attention my girlfriend and i received, and that i was sorry she felt that way.
she proceeded to tell me to stop being so romantic with my girlfriend and that my girlfriend had to go and i could just pretend to be with one of the groomsmen since it "wouldn't be so hard since you dated men before." i told her good luck with her wedding and we left.
she later told me that if i knew the crowd was going to be pretty conservative, i should have given a disclaimer and "warn" everyone so they could know the situation. i told her no other couple had to do that and so we didn't have to. she told me as her sister, i should have done some things i didn't really agree with if it meant a lot to her. as the conversation went on, i became offended and my girlfriend was being disrespected so i stopped talking to her.
most of my family do think i could have just "not been gay for a day" and that i ruined a once in a lifetime thing. i personally do not think so, however, the constant backlash i receive is making me question things. my sister did look up to her wedding her entire life, and i know it meant a lot to her. i know all the conversation wasn't about how beautiful she looked or about her, but about me and my girlfriend. i know it's painful for her so...
aita?
| 6,635
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jlifpy/aita_for_ruining_my_sisters_wedding_by_being/
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2020-10-31 13:33:28
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info if your sister said to bring your significant other whom she knew was your gf of 3 years why was she surprised you brought her?
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nta - it’s not your fault other people view bisexuality as a spectacle to pay particular attention to. if a wedding day can be ruined by one person bringing a guest of the same gender, i’d have to question if they were having a wedding to celebrate being with someone they love, or just a narcissistic “look at me, praise me” party. i get where your sister is coming from, but it’s not right to blame you.
still mulling over what it means to be “actively bisexual”. does bisexuality go into hibernation in winter?
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info: if you've been with this chick for three years and your family has met her, why were they so surprised when you turned up on the day? they should've expected you'd bring your longterm gf as your date.
i'd love to know what they wanted you to be instead of "actively bisexual". nonpracticing bisexual, perhaps? bisexual-but-only-at-weekends-and-holidays? bisexual-but-straight-at-parties? do these people have any clue how attraction and relationships work?
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nta. you’re not responsible for other people’s homophobia. if your sister had an issue, it should have been with the people who made it about your sexuality, not you for being bisexual - a fact that you can’t control.
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if it helps, here is a list of things you can do at a wedding that would make you the asshole:
- propose to your partner
- get way too drunk
- interrupt any portion of a ceremony
- wear white (without first consulting the bride) (i don't get this one, more than one person asked me to wear white to my wedding and i said go ahead-- but i also didn't wear white so whatever)
- if you're a bridesmaid / groomsman, fail to complete a (reasonable) task you have been given, show up wearing the wrong thing, or fuck up the schedule by being late.
being bisexual or bringing a date your sister knew you would bring does not appear on this list. nta.
|
nta.
you‘ve been dating someone for three years and brought them as your date. seeing as i can only assume she was aware you would be bringing your longtime girlfriend, it should have been up to the immediate family to spread the word if they thought it was necessary.
you were romantic with your romantic partner in a romantic setting. that’s typical, and i’m sure it was going around that day.
i feel for your sister not feeling like she was being paid attention to at her own wedding, but although you were the cause, it wasn’t your fault.
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your bisexuality and gf didn't "ruin" the day, the homophobic guests managed that.
you didn't spring it on your sister or have a coming out party at the alter, she knew your gf and knew you'd bring her.
as for "not been gay for a day" if you marry your gf can you ask all the guests not to be straight for the day?
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nta. perhaps at your wedding you can ask your sister to ‘not be straight for the day’ and keep her husband at home. or don’t invite her at all because she sounds insane.
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i have to admit to having wondered what "actively bisexual" was going to look like ;) turns out fairly mundane...
nta of course.
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nta - your sister and family should have been upset at people staring at you and gf versus being upset at you.
|
INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: disclaimer: the wedding happened last year, the drama, however, is still continuing hence why i am making this post in late 2019, my sister got married. she encouraged all guests to bring dates and family along (no more than 3 people) since she was "the more the merrier" type of person. i brought my girlfriend of 3 years, whom my sister knew very well, to my sister's wedding. this is where shit happens. my girlfriend was the first girl i dated, as i have only dated men in the past. so, naturally, some folks who weren't really in-the-know were shocked that i brought a girl to the wedding. i knew some of them knew of my sexuality, but i don't think they expected me to be "actively bisexual" (genuine quote said to me by grooms family). all the attention was drawn to me and my girlfriend but i acted like i wasn't fazed by it and i continued acting as i normally would with my girlfriend (holding hands, leaning, moderate pda). after the main part of the wedding, my sister came up to me fuming. she said that i ruined the wedding as i stole all the attention she should have gotten on her special day. i told her i had no control of the unwanted attention my girlfriend and i received, and that i was sorry she felt that way. she proceeded to tell me to stop being so romantic with my girlfriend and that my girlfriend had to go and i could just pretend to be with one of the groomsmen since it "wouldn't be so hard since you dated men before." i told her good luck with her wedding and we left. she later told me that if i knew the crowd was going to be pretty conservative, i should have given a disclaimer and "warn" everyone so they could know the situation. i told her no other couple had to do that and so we didn't have to. she told me as her sister, i should have done some things i didn't really agree with if it meant a lot to her. as the conversation went on, i became offended and my girlfriend was being disrespected so i stopped talking to her. most of my family do think i could have just "not been gay for a day" and that i ruined a once in a lifetime thing. i personally do not think so, however, the constant backlash i receive is making me question things. my sister did look up to her wedding her entire life, and i know it meant a lot to her. i know all the conversation wasn't about how beautiful she looked or about her, but about me and my girlfriend. i know it's painful for her so... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer: the wedding happened last year, the drama, however, is still continuing hence why i am making this post in late 2019, my sister got married. she encouraged all guests to bring dates and family along (no more than 3 people) since she was "the more the merrier" type of person. i brought my girlfriend of 3 years, whom my sister knew very well, to my sister's wedding. this is where shit happens. my girlfriend was the first girl i dated, as i have only dated men in the past. so, naturally, some folks who weren't really in-the-know were shocked that i brought a girl to the wedding. i knew some of them knew of my sexuality, but i don't think they expected me to be "actively bisexual" (genuine quote said to me by grooms family). all the attention was drawn to me and my girlfriend but i acted like i wasn't fazed by it and i continued acting as i normally would with my girlfriend (holding hands, leaning, moderate pda). after the main part of the wedding, my sister came up to me fuming. she said that i ruined the wedding as i stole all the attention she should have gotten on her special day. i told her i had no control of the unwanted attention my girlfriend and i received, and that i was sorry she felt that way. she proceeded to tell me to stop being so romantic with my girlfriend and that my girlfriend had to go and i could just pretend to be with one of the groomsmen since it "wouldn't be so hard since you dated men before." i told her good luck with her wedding and we left. she later told me that if i knew the crowd was going to be pretty conservative, i should have given a disclaimer and "warn" everyone so they could know the situation. i told her no other couple had to do that and so we didn't have to. she told me as her sister, i should have done some things i didn't really agree with if it meant a lot to her. as the conversation went on, i became offended and my girlfriend was being disrespected so i stopped talking to her. most of my family do think i could have just "not been gay for a day" and that i ruined a once in a lifetime thing. i personally do not think so, however, the constant backlash i receive is making me question things. my sister did look up to her wedding her entire life, and i know it meant a lot to her. i know all the conversation wasn't about how beautiful she looked or about her, but about me and my girlfriend. i know it's painful for her so... aita? [/INST] info if your sister said to bring your significant other whom she knew was your gf of 3 years why was she surprised you brought her? </s>
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AITA for sending my bf a pic of my bloody underwear?
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i live w my bf. we’ve been together for 2 years now. he’s the most amazing man i’ve met and i want to marry him. we love each other a lot and could be considered codependent due to the fact that we are always together.
onto the issue, i got my period unexpectedly and didn’t have a clean pair of underwear nearby. i texted my bf a pic of the underwear (most of the blood hidden but visible so he knew i really needed a clean pair) and asked him to get me a clean pair.
all hell broke lose. he freaked out and yelled saying “why would you show me this? that’s disgusting and you need to keep it to yourself.” i had to go grab a clean pair and got blood on my nice pants.
my mom thinks he has a right to not see stuff like that but my half of my friends think i’m not ta. the other half thinks that he should have gotten me a clean pair but i shouldn’t have shown him the underwear.
we are currently not talking and he’s at his friends house. i just want this fight to be over.
reddit, am i the asshole?
| 11,119
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbhf2p/aita_for_sending_my_bf_a_pic_of_my_bloody/
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2022-07-29 22:21:46
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esh
his reaction is over the top, but this was weird and kinda gross on your part. there was no reason to send a pic rather than just texting a sentence to explain and ask for the underwear.
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info: is there a reason why not merely *telling him* that you needed new underwear was not enough?
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esh
was that picture really necessary? he doesn't really need to see your blood...
on the other hand, he shouldn't freak out to that extent. what if you, for example, accidentally bled through your pants or woke up in a stained bed? that's something totally normal and an adult needs to be prepared for such sights. not that it's particularly pleasant to see, but that's just life.
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esh.
i can't imagine what possessed you to send a picture of your bloody underwear. periods aren't necessarily disgusting, but bodily fluids in general aren't ideal subjects for photos. may i ask why you did that instead of using only words?
he sucks because he waaaaay overreacted. he should have just told you, "photos of bodily fluids gross me out, please don't do that again."
it sounds like you might be slightly more codependent than he is. my husband and i are together pretty much all the goddamn time because i work at home, he's disabled, and he worked at home even when he wasn't disabled. we like being around each other so much. we also talk about stuff related to my period sometimes. cups, cramps, cravings, and crying in response to mildly sad things... the 4 cs of my periods! but i'd never send him a photo of bloody underwear.
i do feel that there are some things about our bodies and bodily functions that we should usually keep in an intimate circle of 1 - ourselves. sometimes, it's unavoidable that you have to share even those parts with somebody else, like if caretaking is involved. but i just can't understand why your first thought was to send that photo.
is it possible he feels that he's too enmeshed with you and this pushed him over the edge?
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yta you could have just asked without the pic. there was zero need to take or sent a picture of bloody underwear. words work really well
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yta. dude. you could literally have just texted him that shark week has started and you need a clean pair asap. it was unnecessary to send him a visual.
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yta- photo was not needed. a text asking for a fresh pair is just fine though. would you want him sending you a pic of skid marks or a blow out in his undies?
i'm female and i'd not want to see that pic either, my own is bad enough.
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if i was going #2 and needed toilet paper i wouldn’t take a picture of my turd and send it to my so asking for toilet paper. he didn’t need to blow up on you the way he did though
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i mean it’s weird but breaking up with you over that is also weird. i feel like we’re missing a lot of details.
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man this comment section was not what i was expecting while reading this.
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ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | 0.044634
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live w my bf. we’ve been together for 2 years now. he’s the most amazing man i’ve met and i want to marry him. we love each other a lot and could be considered codependent due to the fact that we are always together. onto the issue, i got my period unexpectedly and didn’t have a clean pair of underwear nearby. i texted my bf a pic of the underwear (most of the blood hidden but visible so he knew i really needed a clean pair) and asked him to get me a clean pair. all hell broke lose. he freaked out and yelled saying “why would you show me this? that’s disgusting and you need to keep it to yourself.” i had to go grab a clean pair and got blood on my nice pants. my mom thinks he has a right to not see stuff like that but my half of my friends think i’m not ta. the other half thinks that he should have gotten me a clean pair but i shouldn’t have shown him the underwear. we are currently not talking and he’s at his friends house. i just want this fight to be over. reddit, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live w my bf. we’ve been together for 2 years now. he’s the most amazing man i’ve met and i want to marry him. we love each other a lot and could be considered codependent due to the fact that we are always together. onto the issue, i got my period unexpectedly and didn’t have a clean pair of underwear nearby. i texted my bf a pic of the underwear (most of the blood hidden but visible so he knew i really needed a clean pair) and asked him to get me a clean pair. all hell broke lose. he freaked out and yelled saying “why would you show me this? that’s disgusting and you need to keep it to yourself.” i had to go grab a clean pair and got blood on my nice pants. my mom thinks he has a right to not see stuff like that but my half of my friends think i’m not ta. the other half thinks that he should have gotten me a clean pair but i shouldn’t have shown him the underwear. we are currently not talking and he’s at his friends house. i just want this fight to be over. reddit, am i the asshole? [/INST] esh his reaction is over the top, but this was weird and kinda gross on your part. there was no reason to send a pic rather than just texting a sentence to explain and ask for the underwear. </s>
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AITA for making my daughter return a Halloween costume.
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this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me.
my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes.
i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories.
her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason.
now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours.
| 11,645
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zd62bi/aita_for_making_my_daughter_return_a_halloween/
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2022-12-05 12:55:19
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yta
congrats, you just strained your relationship with your daughter for $80 that weren't ever yours.
hope it was worth it
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yta.
your daughter works. she earns money. her money. as long as her obligations are taken care of, what does it matter if she splurges $80 on a costume?? she can reuse it another time!
just being her parent doesn't give you control of money she earns through her work.
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what you wanted to teach your daughter: the value of saving.
what she learned: her mother cares more about money than friendships and her daughter's happiness.
furthermore, you taught her that you will micromanage her until she moves out.
congratulations, your lesson on $80 will prompt her to be spending that money on rent, utilities and groceries at her first opportunity! hopefully one of her friends will be her roommate.
yta.
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yta. she had spent her own money on the costume and the point of the contest was to have fun with her friends. the $100 prize was irrelevant.
$80 for a wonderful memory and experience. unfortunately, she will always remember this halloween and how you ruined it for her. how often have you looked back on your childhood and remembered how your parent destroyed a fun moment?
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yta 100%
did you ever think that maybe having fun with her friends, getting a group picture together in their costumes, the feeling of winning a contest and being part of something, might be worth more than eighty bucks to your daughter?
you're not helping her to do anything but resent you. this is her money that she earns on top of doing school every day. you had no right to tell her to return the costume, and she has every right to be angry. all you did was ostracize her from her friend group. for $80.
you took away memories and experiences and wonderful, friendship-bonding moments for $80.
can't wait for the day you tell her not to bother with a graduation gown or bridal dress or anything else that she'll only spend a few hours in because the memories aren't worth the money!
go apologise to your daughter.
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yta. she works 5 days a week after school and should be able to enjoy some of her money. a halloween costume isn't just an outfit you wear for a few hours it is part of an event, one she could not participate in because of you.
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info: was it her own money?
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yta, especially if it was her owned earned money. she wanted to have fun with friends, and you took that from her. being a teenager is hard, why would you intentionally make it harder because you thought it was financially irresponsible even though she is working that much.
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> but at the end of the day i saved her 80$.
this is why your daughter is upset. you showed her that you value money more than her experiences as a teenager. she probably was looking forward to this and by your own admission she is missing out on a lot of things due to work.
yta
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yta she's 16 and bought the costume with her own money which she worked for and saved. she set a goal andworked for it. this was obviously something she was excited about and you decided it was worth $80 - of her money to go ahead and ruin? i would have never done that to my child, i understand teaching responsibility but there's a time and place for everything- this wasn't one of them. i think you owe your daughter a huge apology
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me. my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes. i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories. her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason. now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me. my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes. i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories. her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason. now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours. [/INST] yta congrats, you just strained your relationship with your daughter for $80 that weren't ever yours. hope it was worth it </s>
|
AITA for wanting my daughter to speak English?
|
me (33m) and my wife (31f) have a 2 year old daughter. my wife is first generation american. both her parents are from russia and speak both russian and english fluently. my wife is bilingual as well. i unfortunately cannot speak russian but i have been doing all the apps to try and pick up the language. my wife and i live next door to her parents so we see them pretty much everyday. they’re great people and wonderful grandparents to our daughter. my paternity leave ended when she was about 8 months and so my wife stays home with our daughter and her parents are retired so they frequently spend hours at our home. my issue is they all insist on only speaking russian to my daughter all day every day. my in laws only spoke russian to my wife until she was four and then she eventually learned english. they did this because russian is much harder and english is easier for children to pick up.
my wife agrees with them because she she really wants our daughter to be bilingual. i do too. i think it’s great that our daughter will be able to speak two languages. but my daughter is now starting to talk and she’s only speaking in russian. i can’t understand anything she is saying and i feel like i’m starting to struggle with bonding. it makes me incredibly sad that i can’t communicate with her. anytime i speak to her in english my wife or her parents immediately speak to her in russian.
i voiced my concerns to my wife and then to her parents. each time i bring it up they tell me it's nothing to worry about because she'll end up learning english eventually and it'll be better for my daughter in the long run to be fluent in both.
i might just be ignorant with how to properly teach children two languages… aita?
| 2,766
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sn0up1/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_speak_english/
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2022-02-07 21:02:55
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nah. speak only english to her and don't let them interrupt. they should speak only russian to her and not let you interrupt. she will figure it out easily and quickly. she will literally converse with all of you by speaking 2 languages in the same conversation without translation. don't worry about it.
example: dad: would you like some juice? kid: yes. grandma (in russian): what kind of juice? kid (in russian): orange. and so on....
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nta.
as a russian man with an american wife i completely understand what your going through.
my wife speaks both english and russian.
she speaks more english to our twins and i speak more russian.
but we make a point to use both languages equally.
are you in the u.s. or russia?
if in u.s. it will do your child no favor to not apeak english.
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so you’re completely frozen out of your kids life and can’t even talk to her until she’s four? this would be grounds for divorce for me. seriously. that’s parental alienation while you are still in the home. nta.
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nta
on the surface, i can understand your wife's and in-laws' desire for your child to be bilingual.
but the way children learn language as a toddler is much different than how they learn language after age 3 or 4. language acquisition prior to this age is very natural, and is developed in a particular part of the brain. learning a language after that cut off works very differently, and uses a different part of the brain.
if your daughter is already 2 years old, that means she's already quickly approaching that milestone cut off. you say your wife and in-laws say she'll learn english "eventually" -- but how soon is eventually? and at this age, your child is already "thinking" in russian to the extent that language is used for internal and abstract thought. will this affect your daughter adversely when she enters elementary school?
&#x200b;
>but my daughter is now starting to talk and she’s only speaking in russian. i can’t understand anything she is saying and i feel like i’m starting to struggle with bonding. it makes me incredibly sad that i can’t communicate with her. anytime i speak to her in english my wife or her parents immediately speak to her in russian.
by prioritizing russian over english, your wife and in-laws are shutting you out of having a meaningful relationship with your daughter, even if that was unintended at first. and now it's beginning to seem intentional because of your comment that whenever you speak to your daughter in english, your wife or your in-laws immediately speak to her in russian, undermining any chance of your daughter learning english naturally.
i think you should consider some family therapy with just you and your wife (including your in-laws might allow them to gang up on you).
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nta. tell wife that your daughter can learn both languages before she is four. her parents should not be influencing how your daughter learns language.
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nta. i cannot believe they are preventing you speaking to her completely. no that is not okay. you and your wife need to have a serious conversation about this.
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nta. i’m a speech-language pathologist and that’s… not how it works. no language is “easier” or “harder” for infants and toddlers to pick up. children are capable of learning two languages and bilingual kids enjoy many advantages, such as improved executive functioning skills. [here’s some more info about how to raise kids bilingual if you’re curious!](https://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/learning-two-languages/)
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nta are you not suppose to communicate with your daughter until she's 4?
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nta. there really is no need to learn one language then the other. speaking both simultaneously will have the same effect, if not better.
kids learn languages with very little difficulty.
your wife and her parents are being really inconsiderate of you and dismissive of you as the father, and that is not right.
they are basically leaving you out of a huge portion of her development and upbringing.
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hmmm i spoke french exclusively to my son but his father spoke english exclusively so he learnt both?
i wouldn't worry from a viewpoint of your daughter learning english as this will happen very fast when she goes to school.
however, if you are unable to properly communicate with your daughter this is an awful situation to be in.
does she understand when you speak to her in english? often children will choose one to speak even though they fully understand the other....
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000485
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (33m) and my wife (31f) have a 2 year old daughter. my wife is first generation american. both her parents are from russia and speak both russian and english fluently. my wife is bilingual as well. i unfortunately cannot speak russian but i have been doing all the apps to try and pick up the language. my wife and i live next door to her parents so we see them pretty much everyday. they’re great people and wonderful grandparents to our daughter. my paternity leave ended when she was about 8 months and so my wife stays home with our daughter and her parents are retired so they frequently spend hours at our home. my issue is they all insist on only speaking russian to my daughter all day every day. my in laws only spoke russian to my wife until she was four and then she eventually learned english. they did this because russian is much harder and english is easier for children to pick up. my wife agrees with them because she she really wants our daughter to be bilingual. i do too. i think it’s great that our daughter will be able to speak two languages. but my daughter is now starting to talk and she’s only speaking in russian. i can’t understand anything she is saying and i feel like i’m starting to struggle with bonding. it makes me incredibly sad that i can’t communicate with her. anytime i speak to her in english my wife or her parents immediately speak to her in russian. i voiced my concerns to my wife and then to her parents. each time i bring it up they tell me it's nothing to worry about because she'll end up learning english eventually and it'll be better for my daughter in the long run to be fluent in both. i might just be ignorant with how to properly teach children two languages… aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (33m) and my wife (31f) have a 2 year old daughter. my wife is first generation american. both her parents are from russia and speak both russian and english fluently. my wife is bilingual as well. i unfortunately cannot speak russian but i have been doing all the apps to try and pick up the language. my wife and i live next door to her parents so we see them pretty much everyday. they’re great people and wonderful grandparents to our daughter. my paternity leave ended when she was about 8 months and so my wife stays home with our daughter and her parents are retired so they frequently spend hours at our home. my issue is they all insist on only speaking russian to my daughter all day every day. my in laws only spoke russian to my wife until she was four and then she eventually learned english. they did this because russian is much harder and english is easier for children to pick up. my wife agrees with them because she she really wants our daughter to be bilingual. i do too. i think it’s great that our daughter will be able to speak two languages. but my daughter is now starting to talk and she’s only speaking in russian. i can’t understand anything she is saying and i feel like i’m starting to struggle with bonding. it makes me incredibly sad that i can’t communicate with her. anytime i speak to her in english my wife or her parents immediately speak to her in russian. i voiced my concerns to my wife and then to her parents. each time i bring it up they tell me it's nothing to worry about because she'll end up learning english eventually and it'll be better for my daughter in the long run to be fluent in both. i might just be ignorant with how to properly teach children two languages… aita? [/INST] nah. speak only english to her and don't let them interrupt. they should speak only russian to her and not let you interrupt. she will figure it out easily and quickly. she will literally converse with all of you by speaking 2 languages in the same conversation without translation. don't worry about it. example: dad: would you like some juice? kid: yes. grandma (in russian): what kind of juice? kid (in russian): orange. and so on.... </s>
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AITA for insisting that my boyfriend pay me for breaking my $3,500 model ship?
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my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often.
the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up.
i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend.
i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke.
i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me.
i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?
| 23,849
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snl03t/aita_for_insisting_that_my_boyfriend_pay_me_for/
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2022-02-08 14:03:16
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nta
but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better.
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nta
ship ahoy!!!
what shall we do with a drunken boyfriend /
what shall we do with a bully boyfriend /
what shall we do with a loser boyfriend /
when he breaks an heirloom?
dump him.
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nope nta
i dont take new partners or guests on a tour of my home and indicate everything's value so they know what's financially or emotionally viable for them to break.
these people were in your house, disrespecting your things and broke something important to you.
he absolutely should be paying for it to be replaced or repaired.
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nta. you didn't treat your bf badly! he destroyed your property, disregarding you when you ask him to stop. this is a huge lack of respect on his part.
if he can't respect you more than that, he deserve to be single and have 3500$ less in his pockets.
edit : also, the lame "i was drunk" excuse is a big, big, big red flag. alcohol is never a good excuse. he is just refusing to take accountability for his actions.
edit again : whaaaat i just saw this man is 37 yo. i was certain he was a teenager or very young adult. please tell me you don't plan on staying in a relationship with this boy...
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nta. full stop.
i don't even need to see a picture of that type of model to know it's expensive as hell. i've got $50 warhammer figures i've spent hours building and painting i'd be fucking furious to see being tossed around like a hacky sack, let alone a presumably large, intricately detailed model ship.
there is no excuse for that behavior even if the ship was a cheap hunk of plastic you picked up at the dollar store. you said no. he and his friends didn't respect that.
end of discussion. he owes you $3500 and a big ass apology.
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nta, at all. even if it didn't have sentimental value and was just a $3,500 ship model you bought at a store he would owe you the money to replace the item he broke in your home with his friends when you told him to stop. don't bend on this.
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nta
a wise store sign once said:
you break it, you buy it.
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>he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law.
get your money, then get out of the relationship.
this guy is not a keeper.
his behavior demonstrates a lack of respect. being drunk doesn't excuse it. a mature and respectful person doesn't play "keep away" with an item that is obviously on display in someone's home. by definition, an item that is on display in someone's home is valuable for some reason - financial, sentimental - it's why the item is on display. it's common sense.
even if you want to ignore the lack of respect, blame shifting, and use of guilt to manipulate you, why would you want to date someone who lacks basic common sense.
nta
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> i get that i might’ve got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly
nta - i’m not sure where you treated your boyfriend badly? you treated a 37 year old man like 37 year old man, asking him to be accountable for his actions. he is an ah for not *vounteering* to make this right without your prompting, and he absolutely should have legal encouragement if he continues to shirk his responsibility here.
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nta keep copies of your texts with him admitting guilt.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita? [/INST] nta but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].
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my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it.
i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
| 24,502
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4x0zs/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_26f_that_i_55m_will/
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2019-09-16 06:52:24
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yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit.
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yta
so you can't be an adult and put aside your feelings for one day for your daughter? why are you making her choose? what's so horrible about her wanting both of her father figures to walk her down the aisle? her mom remarrying a younger guy literally has nothing to do with the story. you sound jealous and bitter.
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yta.
my own dad did this selfish shit to me and our relationship has never been the same. you made your daughter promise to be loyal to you? what kind of sick shit is that to put on your child? since becoming a parent myself, and a divorced one at that who has secondary custody, i love anyone who loves my child. how blessed your daughter would have been to have two amazing fathers by her side — but you’re too fucking wrapped in your own goddamn ego for her to have that.
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yta, and you've clearly been one all her life.
* you made a 6 year old child promise something that you've been manipulating her with and "reminding" her about through her life
* you've clearly been bitter about your ex daring to move on and get remarried, because you "knew" they would be closer since they spent more time together. that isn't the case - you can be close to a person without spending every waking moment with them. where it becomes difficult is when they are bitter and insist of bad-mouthing the other people in your life - children are smart. she knew exactly what you were doing, and as she grew older and realised just how bitter you were, her emotions understandably caught up to your manipulation.
* you're making the one day in her life that is undoubtedly about her, about you. you're forcing her to choose, so i hope you aren't surprised when she chooses the person who brought her up with love, instead of bitterness.
having both "fathers" walking a bride down the aisle can be the most heartwarming moment ever: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking-bride-down-aisle-t46981
but based on the person you've been since you and your ex split? i hope your daughter not only chooses the man that raised her well, but also chooses to given him the title he deserves far more than you - that of dad.
biology doesn't a father make, and your post proves that beyond a doubt. yta.
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am i the only one who is seething in anger because of this guy? the audacity that he even asked this question. i feel so bad for his daughter for having such a shitty, petty excuse for a father.
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yta - stop being so petty. your daughter was fortunate enough to have a step father that was active in her life. he is an addition not a replacement. she wants to acknowledge both of you. if you want to stomp your feet and have a temper tantrum you will more than likely be given a seat to watch her walk down the aisle with him. if you want to be a part of her life, your actions should reflect that. grow up.
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yta.
the only person to blame for you not spending more time with your daughter is you. you chose work over your daughter.
it's not surprising she has grown to love someone that has pretty much helped to raise her and has been there for her, and it's unfair of you to expect to be her number 1, when you didn't make her your number 1.
she wants you at her wedding. it's her day. nothing to do with you. she wants both her fathers there to walk her down the aisle. suck it up, show your daughter that what she wants means more for that one day than what you want, and be happy for her.
if you don't go, i imagine it will possibly put a wedge in your relationship that may not be able to be fixed.
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yta. it really takes a village to raise a child and this man treated your daughter as his own and helped foster a healthy home environment for her. holy familial alienation on your behalf. you’re literally choosing yourself over your child being healthy and happy. what you went through sucks, but this is her day and you’re kind of ruining it. she shouldn’t have to stress about appeasing your jealousy on her wedding day. the fact that she wants to give everyone who was there in supporting her growth a place in her wedding really says that she’s grown to be a wonderful woman. choose to see that. choose to be grateful that she has a family filled with people who have supported her development. i had 0 dads because every man who ever walked into my life either left me or harmed me or both. i would have given so much to have multiple sources of love in my life.
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yta at the end of the day it’s her choice. be happy that she hasn’t chosen him over you.
family is who is there for you, not blood.
man up, shoulder your pride and do it for her because this other dude obviously means a lot to her and digging in your heels will drive a wedge in your relationship.
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yta
walking your daughter down the aisle is a **privilege** not a **right**
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle. [/INST] yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit. </s>
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AITA for wanting my sister to give me vegan options at her wedding?
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my sister is getting married in august 2020. my boyfriend (who is also vegan) and i are both invited. my sister reached out to me the day of the proposal and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which i was ecstatic about. my sister and i are very close, so she said it would be really meaningful to her if i was in the wedding party. i’m really excited for her, and i feel great that she values me enough to give me a spot.
her and her fiance have been on top of planning everything to avoid stress and pushing things off to the last minute. one of the things they already have picked are the venue and catering. i asked my sister about food options knowing there will likely only be a couple of dishes we can eat, but she told me there won’t be any options for us. now i’m used to picking from a few side dishes, so i wasn’t expecting a lot, but my sister knows i’m vegan and knew it well before she got engaged. apparently even the vegetables are going to be very buttery, so we can’t even eat those. i don’t expect a whole vegan friendly wedding, but i’m sure at least one option couldn’t have hurt.
i asked my sister about including at least one thing for me, and she just told me i was probably going to have to find something else to bring in to eat or that i should eat before the wedding so i won’t be hungry when everyone else sits down to eat. like what?
this honestly would not be a huge deal if i was going to someone else’s wedding who i wasn’t very close to, but my sister stressed and emphasized so much about how important it was to her that my boyfriend and i be there, then she won’t bother to make sure we can actually eat anything then tells me to just bring something else in while everyone else is catered to.
i understand it’s her wedding. she has enough on her plate already, and i won’t try to make her change the menu for us, but we both feel hurt that we’re just being tossed to the side and told to fend for our own food.
| 19,719
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2gmib/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_give_me_vegan/
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2019-11-27 14:19:12
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nah. she's not be malicious towards you. i just got married 4 months ago. caterers have a menu and there might be a tasting involved, and i guarantee the bride and groom weren't thinking about your specific dietary restrictions when they selected the menu options for the wedding. nor should they. it's their wedding.
my advice is to talk to the caterer yourself. usually they have no problem preparing a separate dish off-menu to comply with vegan, vegetarian, kosher, or halal meal restrictions. especially if it's a plated dinner rather than a buffet.
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oooh, vegans vs brides. it’s like celebrity deathmatch for reddit. the voting on this is going to be wild.
nta, obviously. your sister is, among other things, hosting a party. she wants you to come and play an important role but she can’t be arsed to offer you any food. that’s bloody rude. the fact she’s getting married as well is neither here nor there.
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nta
wait a minute- she wants to plan this wedding well, but she also wants you just eat before the wedding?! that is ridiculously tacky. what does she expect you to do while everyone else is eating? this is your sister. having a vegan option, or hell just having the catering service provide two vegan dishes (one for each of you) is very easy to do. catering companies are all extremely capable of catering (pardon the pun) to such a request.
\*edit cuz grammar\*
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i'm of two minds with this.
on the one hand, your points are valid and fair.
on the other hand, i've got a decent amount of experience dealing with venues and caterers and i know that sometimes (not all the time) deviating from set menu options ends up costing a lot more than you would think and when someone is already spending god knows how much on an event (especially a wedding, since most vendors jack the price at the word) i can appreciate how someone would look at the added cost and go "nope!"
knowing that she is stressed and busy and this is obviously a significant issue, can you offer to take this task away from her by reaching out to the caterers yourself? if you have or can get a hold of the seating chart you can simply ask what their vegan options are and request that one of each of those meals be brought to table(s) x and seats y and z.
if on the odd chance they don't have vegan options or are unwilling to make special meals, see if you can get them to identify any canapés or "grazing foods" already ordered that may also be vegan and ask that they set aside two platefuls of them.
i'm saying nah because i can see both sides fairly clearly. i think the best course of action is to offer to reach out to the caterers. and before anyone pulls a, "that's not op's responsibility!" on me i know. but sometimes we do shit we wouldn't or shouldn't normally have to do in order to help others and/or help ourselves.
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nah. from the perspective of someone who planned a wedding with no financial help, and also someone who has worked in a restaurant that caters, it is actually difficult and expensive to try to accommodate two people with vegan options in my experience. it would probably cost your sister more money than you realize. you're not the asshole for wanting options or asking though. perhaps you two should talk about it. she may think of veganism and just a diet choice that you could just either choose not to eat or eat what they give you (which, while it is a dietary choice, there is often moral issues that complicate it), but it seems like you may not know exactly how much of a pita it can be to accommodate that.
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nta- especially since you're not just a regular guest (family and in the bridal party) and will be expected to be present the whole time. wedding planning does something to some people's brains and turns them into assholes. when my little sister was planning her wedding she was considering a bbq place for catering, i asked the harmless question of "can you check to make sure the bbq sauce is gluten free?" since my kid (her junior bridesmaid) has celiac disease. she lost her shit freaking out that i was causing her so much stress and making her life hard. ???? bro never mind tell me the name of the place i'll ask them, she flipped out. fine i'll bring a packed lunch for my kid, that's rude cue freakout, okay...we just won't go to the reception, huge freak out.
my sister literally expected my 12 yr old (at the time) kid to be in her bridal party, and be there for every minute of the thing (ceremony, pictures, reception) and just not eat. i'll point out that my kid wasn't the only person on the guest list with celiac disease so it's not like wanting to know if bbq sauce is safe was out of line.
my sister ended up pulling some massive asshole bridezilla move and i didn't even go to her wedding. i didn't speak to her for a year after it because of the massive asshole move she pulled. the fucking bbq sauce thing was just the tip of her asshole iceberg.
&#x200b;
frankly i'd tell your sister if you won't be able to eat, you won't be able to attend, and she's still the asshole if you do that.
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yta (and by ‘asshole ‘i mean just that you aren’t justified in being upset) you can’t expect other people, even family ,to change their lifestyles for you as they shouldn’t expect you to change for them.it’s her wedding it’s not about your diet. it’s also the case that when catering for a large group that one item that not many other people will like has to be added , how many vegans? *if a vegan had a wedding would they offer meat? it’s simple
* a lot of people seem to really misunderstand that a vegan would be perfectly within their right to not serve meat , as a meat eater is within their right to not serve vegan. vegan double standards and hypersensitivity result in them cursing at me and becoming unhinged.
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[removed]
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info: did the catering company literally not provide a vegan option? it's possible that the venue provides the catering and doesn't have a vegan option.
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yta - i am honestly really surprised by the responses to this one. every time there is a wedding question there is a unanimous chorus of "it's your day do what you want to do" except for this one. you don't have an allergy where it is dangerous for you to be around non vegan food, you are making a dietary decision. if it makes you feel better to be hurt go for it, but in reality weddings are expensive, it is not at all about your dietary choices, don't try to make this about you.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
| 0.390935
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is getting married in august 2020. my boyfriend (who is also vegan) and i are both invited. my sister reached out to me the day of the proposal and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which i was ecstatic about. my sister and i are very close, so she said it would be really meaningful to her if i was in the wedding party. i’m really excited for her, and i feel great that she values me enough to give me a spot. her and her fiance have been on top of planning everything to avoid stress and pushing things off to the last minute. one of the things they already have picked are the venue and catering. i asked my sister about food options knowing there will likely only be a couple of dishes we can eat, but she told me there won’t be any options for us. now i’m used to picking from a few side dishes, so i wasn’t expecting a lot, but my sister knows i’m vegan and knew it well before she got engaged. apparently even the vegetables are going to be very buttery, so we can’t even eat those. i don’t expect a whole vegan friendly wedding, but i’m sure at least one option couldn’t have hurt. i asked my sister about including at least one thing for me, and she just told me i was probably going to have to find something else to bring in to eat or that i should eat before the wedding so i won’t be hungry when everyone else sits down to eat. like what? this honestly would not be a huge deal if i was going to someone else’s wedding who i wasn’t very close to, but my sister stressed and emphasized so much about how important it was to her that my boyfriend and i be there, then she won’t bother to make sure we can actually eat anything then tells me to just bring something else in while everyone else is catered to. i understand it’s her wedding. she has enough on her plate already, and i won’t try to make her change the menu for us, but we both feel hurt that we’re just being tossed to the side and told to fend for our own food.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister is getting married in august 2020. my boyfriend (who is also vegan) and i are both invited. my sister reached out to me the day of the proposal and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which i was ecstatic about. my sister and i are very close, so she said it would be really meaningful to her if i was in the wedding party. i’m really excited for her, and i feel great that she values me enough to give me a spot. her and her fiance have been on top of planning everything to avoid stress and pushing things off to the last minute. one of the things they already have picked are the venue and catering. i asked my sister about food options knowing there will likely only be a couple of dishes we can eat, but she told me there won’t be any options for us. now i’m used to picking from a few side dishes, so i wasn’t expecting a lot, but my sister knows i’m vegan and knew it well before she got engaged. apparently even the vegetables are going to be very buttery, so we can’t even eat those. i don’t expect a whole vegan friendly wedding, but i’m sure at least one option couldn’t have hurt. i asked my sister about including at least one thing for me, and she just told me i was probably going to have to find something else to bring in to eat or that i should eat before the wedding so i won’t be hungry when everyone else sits down to eat. like what? this honestly would not be a huge deal if i was going to someone else’s wedding who i wasn’t very close to, but my sister stressed and emphasized so much about how important it was to her that my boyfriend and i be there, then she won’t bother to make sure we can actually eat anything then tells me to just bring something else in while everyone else is catered to. i understand it’s her wedding. she has enough on her plate already, and i won’t try to make her change the menu for us, but we both feel hurt that we’re just being tossed to the side and told to fend for our own food. [/INST] nah. she's not be malicious towards you. i just got married 4 months ago. caterers have a menu and there might be a tasting involved, and i guarantee the bride and groom weren't thinking about your specific dietary restrictions when they selected the menu options for the wedding. nor should they. it's their wedding. my advice is to talk to the caterer yourself. usually they have no problem preparing a separate dish off-menu to comply with vegan, vegetarian, kosher, or halal meal restrictions. especially if it's a plated dinner rather than a buffet. </s>
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AITA for asking my mom for an apology for refusing to let my future wife have one of her rings, but giving one to her husband's secretary?
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i proposed to my girlfriend of three years recently. my mom has never liked her, and while she doesn't do much directly to her it is pretty clear that she doesn't like her. this has obviously impacted my relationship with my mom, but it is what it is.
my mom has quite a bit of jewelry. some of it is from an inheritance and she has mixed feelings about it because of who gave it to her. a lot of it is from her husband. i recently had a fight with my mom because she made a common comparing my success to my sister, and totally ignored the fact that my sister has had everything handed to her by her father. i was pissed because she was comparing my sister's luxory condo to my starter house and just acting like her husband didn't buy that condo.
my mom apologized and said i was right and she feels bad that my sisters have been given everything and i haven't. she asked if there was anything she could do to help and offered to buy me a car. i said my car was fine and if she really wants to help she could give me a ring to propose. my mom got upset and said how could i ask her to do that, her rings aren't for my girlfriend, and i don't understand how much it would fuck her up emotionally to give one of those rings to my gf knowing the history.
i dropped it. then a couple months later i was at work (i work for her husband) and i found out that she had given a ring to my stepdad's secretary. i was hurt and confronted my mom. she said that she just wanted to give her something nice because she is poor (she isn't even poor) and she feels bad for her. my mom said it wasn't a big deal because that particular ring didn't go with her hair, she never wore it, and my sisters look like her. i snapped at her that she could have given me that ring, if no one was going to wear it and she obviously hates my girlfriend more than i thought.
i said maybe she doesn't deserve to be invited to the wedding and she told me to stop being dramatic. i said i was done talking to her until she apologized. i know she doesn't owe anyone a ring but she gave it to her husband's secretary over her future daughter in law and the future mother of her grandchildren. my stepdad called me pissed off and said my mom was crying and i'm entitled for demanding a ring and i should care more about my mom's mental health knowing this jewelry was left to her by an abuser.
| 481
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rrb8ts/aita_for_asking_my_mom_for_an_apology_for/
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2021-12-29 15:52:39
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info: why do you want to give an engagement ring to your girlfriend that is basically a reminder of your mom being abused? i'm sure that's not the energy you want to carry into your marriage.
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so much of the post is irrelevant, so i'll break it down.
you asked her for a ring. she said no. she then chose to give one of her possessions away. and somehow that gives you the right to have her property?
it's obviously about so much more, but for this? yes yta
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info: why on god's green earth would your gf want a ring gifted from someone who hates her, regardless of the items history (which from what i can tell is terrible on its own)?
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yta. the rings belong to your mom. she can give them to whomever she feels like giving them to. a random ring your mom is getting rid of because it doesn't match her hair doesn't even seem like a good engagement ring. there is no sentiment there. it's just a random ring you happened to get your hands on.
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yta you're not entitled to her stuff. period.
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yta
your mom doesn't sound like a prize either, so in general terms e s h, but for this specific case, you're acting like an entitled brat. (couldn't you have taken the new car, sold your perfectly fine one, and used the proceeds for a ring?) also it seems like the reasons your mom doesn't like your girlfriend are all on your girlfriend for being pushy.
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your mom’s husband really said it all… yta. you are not entitled to a ring and besides, they belong to your mother and she can do with them as she wishes.
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yta - it's not your property and she doesn't owe it to you. she could have donated it or had it melted down and it still wouldn't be your business.
your mother's relationship sounds strained and you and her need to figure that stuff out as your fiancé becomes part of the family dynamic.
as an info -
she offered to buy you a car? why do you want some random ring from her collection especially if it has loaded history? did you ask for her to help you in getting a new ring for your fiancé
(you know, something in a style your fiancé might actually like and one that doesn't have a weird history with your mom?).
once again, your mom doesn't owe you a ring (new or old) but seems weird you'd want just a random ring to offer your fiancé anyway.
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i was at esh initially but yta.
this is obviously part of some long-term beef you need to deal with.
you picked this fight. you know your mom doesn't like your girlfriend. demanding she give you a ring from her personal stash for this woman was never going to fly.
it doesn't matter how many rings she has or who bought them: it's her stuff. if she gave one to the secretary, she probably likes her more than your girlfriend and it was an easy way to end the conversation. grousing about "she said it didnt go with her hair" says more about you than it does her because you refused to accept "no" as the answer it was. you want that ring that badly? ask the secretary if you can buy it. if you won't, you just wanted it because you thought your mom should give it to you.
if it's true that particular ring came from an abusive ex, seeing it used as part of her jerky son's promise to not be an asshole is a mindfuck...especially when he's using abuser tactics (like emotional manipulation) to try to get his way.
the rest of this, including being jealous of your half siblings while employed at her husband's company where you don't have to be allowed to work, shows you're spoiled, too, and kind of dumb. wage this war if you want to but tearing up what family alliances you have over a piece of metal could leave you unemployed and wishing you'd taken the car.
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info: this sounds like this ring thing is the culmination of a lot of stuff that’s been happening between you and your fiancée and your mom for a while? have there been past slights or is this the first time your mom has done something you perceive as a slight towards your fiancée?
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
| 0.055125
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i proposed to my girlfriend of three years recently. my mom has never liked her, and while she doesn't do much directly to her it is pretty clear that she doesn't like her. this has obviously impacted my relationship with my mom, but it is what it is. my mom has quite a bit of jewelry. some of it is from an inheritance and she has mixed feelings about it because of who gave it to her. a lot of it is from her husband. i recently had a fight with my mom because she made a common comparing my success to my sister, and totally ignored the fact that my sister has had everything handed to her by her father. i was pissed because she was comparing my sister's luxory condo to my starter house and just acting like her husband didn't buy that condo. my mom apologized and said i was right and she feels bad that my sisters have been given everything and i haven't. she asked if there was anything she could do to help and offered to buy me a car. i said my car was fine and if she really wants to help she could give me a ring to propose. my mom got upset and said how could i ask her to do that, her rings aren't for my girlfriend, and i don't understand how much it would fuck her up emotionally to give one of those rings to my gf knowing the history. i dropped it. then a couple months later i was at work (i work for her husband) and i found out that she had given a ring to my stepdad's secretary. i was hurt and confronted my mom. she said that she just wanted to give her something nice because she is poor (she isn't even poor) and she feels bad for her. my mom said it wasn't a big deal because that particular ring didn't go with her hair, she never wore it, and my sisters look like her. i snapped at her that she could have given me that ring, if no one was going to wear it and she obviously hates my girlfriend more than i thought. i said maybe she doesn't deserve to be invited to the wedding and she told me to stop being dramatic. i said i was done talking to her until she apologized. i know she doesn't owe anyone a ring but she gave it to her husband's secretary over her future daughter in law and the future mother of her grandchildren. my stepdad called me pissed off and said my mom was crying and i'm entitled for demanding a ring and i should care more about my mom's mental health knowing this jewelry was left to her by an abuser.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i proposed to my girlfriend of three years recently. my mom has never liked her, and while she doesn't do much directly to her it is pretty clear that she doesn't like her. this has obviously impacted my relationship with my mom, but it is what it is. my mom has quite a bit of jewelry. some of it is from an inheritance and she has mixed feelings about it because of who gave it to her. a lot of it is from her husband. i recently had a fight with my mom because she made a common comparing my success to my sister, and totally ignored the fact that my sister has had everything handed to her by her father. i was pissed because she was comparing my sister's luxory condo to my starter house and just acting like her husband didn't buy that condo. my mom apologized and said i was right and she feels bad that my sisters have been given everything and i haven't. she asked if there was anything she could do to help and offered to buy me a car. i said my car was fine and if she really wants to help she could give me a ring to propose. my mom got upset and said how could i ask her to do that, her rings aren't for my girlfriend, and i don't understand how much it would fuck her up emotionally to give one of those rings to my gf knowing the history. i dropped it. then a couple months later i was at work (i work for her husband) and i found out that she had given a ring to my stepdad's secretary. i was hurt and confronted my mom. she said that she just wanted to give her something nice because she is poor (she isn't even poor) and she feels bad for her. my mom said it wasn't a big deal because that particular ring didn't go with her hair, she never wore it, and my sisters look like her. i snapped at her that she could have given me that ring, if no one was going to wear it and she obviously hates my girlfriend more than i thought. i said maybe she doesn't deserve to be invited to the wedding and she told me to stop being dramatic. i said i was done talking to her until she apologized. i know she doesn't owe anyone a ring but she gave it to her husband's secretary over her future daughter in law and the future mother of her grandchildren. my stepdad called me pissed off and said my mom was crying and i'm entitled for demanding a ring and i should care more about my mom's mental health knowing this jewelry was left to her by an abuser. [/INST] info: why do you want to give an engagement ring to your girlfriend that is basically a reminder of your mom being abused? i'm sure that's not the energy you want to carry into your marriage. </s>
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AITA for defending what my mom said about our unborn baby and telling my wife to stop picking fights with her?
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my mom and my wife do not get along, probably never will. i told my mom right off the bat that my partner was going to come first, and my mom said she understands that, but i can't make her like her and that set the tone for our current distant relationship.
my wife is currently pregnant with our first child. my mom did make a brief appearance at the shower, and gave to be honest a shitty gift. i know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of shitty.
my mil on the other hand is over the moon and seems to think this is her do over baby. she talks about nothing but the baby. both extremes are annoying to be honest. anyway we saw my mom recently at a wedding and were all seated at the same table.
some people at the table were talking about my mom's upcoming wedding and making a big deal about it, and asking a lot of questions. my mil turned the topic back to the baby shower and then commented that my mom really doesn't seem excited.
my mom laughed it off and said she is getting married. she literally doesn't care about anything else. i could see the hurt on my wife's face. my wife demanded to know who would say something like that. my mom said nothing person, but her wedding is much more exciting to her than someone else's baby. my mil was horrified and reminded my mom that it was her grand baby. my mom said yes, so not her baby, but her wedding.
my wife mouthed to my mom "i literally hate you" and that was the end of that. after we left i brought up to my wife that i don't think what she said was fair. they don't like each other. my mom understands not liking the mom means she won't be close to our child, and to be honest she's right. it isn't her child, but it is her wedding. i get why that is more exciting for her.
my wife was very offended, said i shouldn't have taken my mom's side, and said i disrespected our baby.
| 4,061
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdlidl/aita_for_defending_what_my_mom_said_about_our/
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2022-08-01 16:20:21
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esh this was someone else's wedding and you all were bringing drama where it shouldn't be.
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esh. literally everyone. you. your wife. mom. mil. and at someone else's wedding no less.
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esh. both your wife and mom are incredibly immature.
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esh. your wife needs to be an adult. so does your mom. it's been well established that your mom is an ah to your wife and they don't like each other. everyone just needs to accept that and move on with life. your mil jumping in there trying to control everyone's feelings o they're "omg babbbbby!" is also a bit much. mouthing "i literally hate you" at someone else's wedding is so trashy. all of the women in your life need to learn to keep their drama private.
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bro some of these comments are wild.
people in the table were talking about the moms wedding. that’s why she was talking about it.
the mil started the actual argument and she’s the shit starter.
idk why everyone is saying ops mom started it. mil should’ve just shut the fuck up and minded her business.
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i am sooooooooo confused by everyone’s extreme responses to this. are we reading the same post.
1. op has already gone nc with his mother in direct support of his wife.
2. they were only sitting at the same table and talking to each other because they were invited to the same wedding and placed at the same table.
3. the mother has made her choice and doesn’t not seem pressed to be in contact with either op or his wife. in fact, the only reason the mother said that she was more excited about her wedding (as opposed to her grandchild) is because the mil/daughter pushed the conversation. op’s mom did not lead with talking shit about anyone’s baby. she also did not hide the fact that she is not excited about her grandchild (which sucks to hear but honestly, at least she is not lying or trying to hide it…when people show you who they are believe them).
this sub often has a lot of conflicting trends. on one hand mils can be intrusive and the worst thing in the world when they overstep. on the other hand mil turned grandmothers who choose to not be in their children’s/grandchildren’s life are the worst because they owe support to the parents and must be a viable part of the family unit. i know it’s just extremes, but damn…if the op’s mom don’t wanna be a grandma and thusly keeps her distance, is this not a “win win” for everyone (especially the baby)?
nah
op does not need to correct a mother mother who has made it clear she does not want anything to do with his family.
op’s wife is absolutely entitled to her feelings of frustrations but there is nothing that her or op can do except focus on their family.
mil is just tryna get in where she fits in. set boundaries if necessary but if it’s all good, just be happy for the support you have.
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i don't understand the yta and esh. the mother is not obligated to care for the baby and in my opinion, the wife is entitled.
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esh. i don’t think the mom is a bad person for being more excited about her wedding than someone else’s child but everyone could have been nicer to each other and been more respectful of each other. some ppl genuinely don’t like kids even if they’re related and that’s okay.
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nta. you told the truth. your wife is about to be a mother. she needs to grow the hell up.
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>. i know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of shitty
it 100% sounds entitled. she isn't required to buy y'all some massive gift because she has cash.
yta. you for entitlement and obliviousness. your wife for being butthurt everyone isn't as overbearing and clingy as her own mother and the "i literally hate you" thing. gee no wonder your mom doesn't buy y'all lavish shower gifts. hmmmmmmm
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
NAH
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.27716
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom and my wife do not get along, probably never will. i told my mom right off the bat that my partner was going to come first, and my mom said she understands that, but i can't make her like her and that set the tone for our current distant relationship. my wife is currently pregnant with our first child. my mom did make a brief appearance at the shower, and gave to be honest a shitty gift. i know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of shitty. my mil on the other hand is over the moon and seems to think this is her do over baby. she talks about nothing but the baby. both extremes are annoying to be honest. anyway we saw my mom recently at a wedding and were all seated at the same table. some people at the table were talking about my mom's upcoming wedding and making a big deal about it, and asking a lot of questions. my mil turned the topic back to the baby shower and then commented that my mom really doesn't seem excited. my mom laughed it off and said she is getting married. she literally doesn't care about anything else. i could see the hurt on my wife's face. my wife demanded to know who would say something like that. my mom said nothing person, but her wedding is much more exciting to her than someone else's baby. my mil was horrified and reminded my mom that it was her grand baby. my mom said yes, so not her baby, but her wedding. my wife mouthed to my mom "i literally hate you" and that was the end of that. after we left i brought up to my wife that i don't think what she said was fair. they don't like each other. my mom understands not liking the mom means she won't be close to our child, and to be honest she's right. it isn't her child, but it is her wedding. i get why that is more exciting for her. my wife was very offended, said i shouldn't have taken my mom's side, and said i disrespected our baby.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom and my wife do not get along, probably never will. i told my mom right off the bat that my partner was going to come first, and my mom said she understands that, but i can't make her like her and that set the tone for our current distant relationship. my wife is currently pregnant with our first child. my mom did make a brief appearance at the shower, and gave to be honest a shitty gift. i know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of shitty. my mil on the other hand is over the moon and seems to think this is her do over baby. she talks about nothing but the baby. both extremes are annoying to be honest. anyway we saw my mom recently at a wedding and were all seated at the same table. some people at the table were talking about my mom's upcoming wedding and making a big deal about it, and asking a lot of questions. my mil turned the topic back to the baby shower and then commented that my mom really doesn't seem excited. my mom laughed it off and said she is getting married. she literally doesn't care about anything else. i could see the hurt on my wife's face. my wife demanded to know who would say something like that. my mom said nothing person, but her wedding is much more exciting to her than someone else's baby. my mil was horrified and reminded my mom that it was her grand baby. my mom said yes, so not her baby, but her wedding. my wife mouthed to my mom "i literally hate you" and that was the end of that. after we left i brought up to my wife that i don't think what she said was fair. they don't like each other. my mom understands not liking the mom means she won't be close to our child, and to be honest she's right. it isn't her child, but it is her wedding. i get why that is more exciting for her. my wife was very offended, said i shouldn't have taken my mom's side, and said i disrespected our baby. [/INST] esh this was someone else's wedding and you all were bringing drama where it shouldn't be. </s>
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AITA for asking my bridesmaid to lose weight after she “grew out of” her dress?
|
sorry for the weird title, i wasn’t sure how to summarize my situation. i (24f) am getting married this october, providing corona is over by then. one of my bridesmaids is my friend/ cousin “mila” (25f).
for whatever reason, mila has been gaining a lot of weight over the past few months, and i’d estimate she’s up 30-40 pounds since last fall. we went dress shopping in october, and since i ended up picking a somewhat expensive eggplant velvet dress to match the autumn theme, i told my bridesmaids i’d pay (i’m pretty blessed financially, so i could afford it).
now, mila has broken it to me that she “grew out of” her dress and will need a new one. unfortunately, the style is not available in plus sizes and would need to be custom made, if it’s possible to get at all. i already paid for her dress, and i think it’s inconsiderate for her to put on weight when she knows she won’t fit the dress. she’s honestly been really entitled in assuming i’ll just figure it out and replace her dress at my expense. plus there’s the bullshit of calling a weight gain “growing out” of something, as if her own choices had nothing to do with it.
i texted her last week and told her my issues. i said that i really wanted her in the wedding, but the dress was presenting issues. i gently asked her to go back to the size she was last fall.
well, she didn’t respond, but she has been vague-posting about “women who tear other women down” and anti bodyshaming stuff. so i’m pretty sure she’s mad.
what do i do? was i wrong to even ask?”
| 2,849
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gd9ngg/aita_for_asking_my_bridesmaid_to_lose_weight/
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2020-05-04 11:10:08
|
esh
she shouldn't have just assumed that you could/should/would fork out for a brand new dress. you shouldn't assume she can lose that weight again by october, and you certainly shouldn't tell her to do so.
there are a couple of ways to handle this. firstly, you could just explain that it's not in your budget so she would need to pay for the second dress. if she can't afford that she can drop out as an official bridesmaid and come as a guest.
best thing to do is apologise for making comments about her weight, explain that you were just stressed because of the budget concerns, but remain firm that you won't be buying a second dress.
|
i'm gonna say nta. this is coming from another overweight lady.
her just assuming you'll pay because she out on weight is very poor on her part. you were generous to pay for it in the first place - it fit, it (i'm guessing) looked lovely.
her own choices led to it not fitting, so she should take responsibility to resolve it. whether that's getting an alternative or losing weight.
you could argue that the lockdown situation makes it difficult to keep in shape, but i still don't think that justifies her entitlement and passive-aggressive response.
|
esh
you could just have said, i can't accommodate buying you a new dress anymore. instead of making someone feel shitty about their weight.
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it's inconsiderate of her to gain weight? she's gained 30-40 pounds since last fall. it's hardly something that just happened on accident because she didn't think about what she ate. there's a larger health issue there, either physical or mental, and you're being a terrible friend for making it about you and a dress. yta.
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esh. mila for assuming you'd just pay for another dress, regardless of the reason.
you for pretty much demanding she lose weight, with no seeming interest as to why this might have happened. a lot of people gain weight due to medications, or medical conditions that have nothing to do with any negative lifestyle changes. instead of trying to understand if anything else was going on, you made her weight gain about your wedding, which is...something.
also, hopefully this is your first and last wedding so this never comes up again, but this is why it's not the best idea to buy dresses a full year in advance. people gain weight, but people also lose weight (and dresses aren't always so easily taken in without ruining the overall look), people get pregnant, etc. you presumably could've bought these dresses around now and still been fine for an october wedding - i mean, nothing to do about it now, but just pointing out that some of this was a risk on your part.
apologize for your comments, but tell her that unfortunately you are unable to afford replacing the dress. you might want to look into what it would cost to get the dress made to fit her, and at least give her that information to do with what she wants.
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yta. so let me get this straight. your friend is rapidly gaining weight (as you dismissively say, for whatever reason), and your concern is about your wedding? not about your friend's health, be it mental or otherwise?
let me guess, having her in some shitty matchy-matchy dress at your wedding is more important to you than your friendship?
awful friend. just... awful. she deserves better.
|
esh
people’s lives don’t revolve around you and your wedding. people gain and lose weight. it’s not inconsiderate. it’s just the way things are. for you to call it inconsiderate well that gives bridezzila vibes.
here’s how you should have handled it - tell her that you can’t afford to pay for another dress and that she’ll have to take care of the problem until october. she will get the message that she either looses weight or needs to cough up the money to buy a new one/get the existing one tailored.
that being said she was entitled. dresses are expensive and just because you bought one once it doesn’t mean you can or should buy a second one.
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this is tough but esh, you for asking her to lose weight and her for assuming you’ll pay for another dress.
is there any way you could sell the old dress or cover part of the cost of the new dress? i’m sure it’s not an easy conversation to have and compromising seems to be the best way to solve this.
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yta for calling someone inconsiderate for putting on some weight. good lord. i know it may seem shocking, but her world probably doesn't revolve around your wedding. telling someone to lose weight for your event is extremely rude.
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yta purely for the sentence 'i think it's inconsiderate for her to put on weight.' i'm sure she didn't plan it.
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
|
YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.114998
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry for the weird title, i wasn’t sure how to summarize my situation. i (24f) am getting married this october, providing corona is over by then. one of my bridesmaids is my friend/ cousin “mila” (25f). for whatever reason, mila has been gaining a lot of weight over the past few months, and i’d estimate she’s up 30-40 pounds since last fall. we went dress shopping in october, and since i ended up picking a somewhat expensive eggplant velvet dress to match the autumn theme, i told my bridesmaids i’d pay (i’m pretty blessed financially, so i could afford it). now, mila has broken it to me that she “grew out of” her dress and will need a new one. unfortunately, the style is not available in plus sizes and would need to be custom made, if it’s possible to get at all. i already paid for her dress, and i think it’s inconsiderate for her to put on weight when she knows she won’t fit the dress. she’s honestly been really entitled in assuming i’ll just figure it out and replace her dress at my expense. plus there’s the bullshit of calling a weight gain “growing out” of something, as if her own choices had nothing to do with it. i texted her last week and told her my issues. i said that i really wanted her in the wedding, but the dress was presenting issues. i gently asked her to go back to the size she was last fall. well, she didn’t respond, but she has been vague-posting about “women who tear other women down” and anti bodyshaming stuff. so i’m pretty sure she’s mad. what do i do? was i wrong to even ask?”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry for the weird title, i wasn’t sure how to summarize my situation. i (24f) am getting married this october, providing corona is over by then. one of my bridesmaids is my friend/ cousin “mila” (25f). for whatever reason, mila has been gaining a lot of weight over the past few months, and i’d estimate she’s up 30-40 pounds since last fall. we went dress shopping in october, and since i ended up picking a somewhat expensive eggplant velvet dress to match the autumn theme, i told my bridesmaids i’d pay (i’m pretty blessed financially, so i could afford it). now, mila has broken it to me that she “grew out of” her dress and will need a new one. unfortunately, the style is not available in plus sizes and would need to be custom made, if it’s possible to get at all. i already paid for her dress, and i think it’s inconsiderate for her to put on weight when she knows she won’t fit the dress. she’s honestly been really entitled in assuming i’ll just figure it out and replace her dress at my expense. plus there’s the bullshit of calling a weight gain “growing out” of something, as if her own choices had nothing to do with it. i texted her last week and told her my issues. i said that i really wanted her in the wedding, but the dress was presenting issues. i gently asked her to go back to the size she was last fall. well, she didn’t respond, but she has been vague-posting about “women who tear other women down” and anti bodyshaming stuff. so i’m pretty sure she’s mad. what do i do? was i wrong to even ask?” [/INST] esh she shouldn't have just assumed that you could/should/would fork out for a brand new dress. you shouldn't assume she can lose that weight again by october, and you certainly shouldn't tell her to do so. there are a couple of ways to handle this. firstly, you could just explain that it's not in your budget so she would need to pay for the second dress. if she can't afford that she can drop out as an official bridesmaid and come as a guest. best thing to do is apologise for making comments about her weight, explain that you were just stressed because of the budget concerns, but remain firm that you won't be buying a second dress. </s>
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AITA for refusing to go to dinner anymore with a friend who is gluten free, soy free, and vegan?
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a friend of mine has had ibs for most of her life and in the past few years has gotten it mostly under control by changing her diet to gluten and soy free and vegan. however, it is so hard to go out to eat with her. she basically can’t eat anything at a non vegan restaurant and even then, it’s hard to find something that is also gluten and soy free. there’s a raw vegan restaurant that’s got an okay selection that she usually goes to. she’s asked me to go eat with her there several times. i’m sure some people enjoy this place, i, however, am not one of them. it’s also very expensive and i’m not rich. i’ve started turning down invites to go to dinner with her and have been offering other activities or eating at one of our places. she really likes going out to dinner and said it’s one of her favorite activities. she’s now mad at me bc she said i am refusing to be accommodating of her dietary needs. i feel bad about this but i’m tired of spending $30 on a meal i don’t enjoy at all.
| 2,149
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sz8f4k/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_dinner_anymore_with_a/
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2022-02-23 04:36:42
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nah
is take-out an option? can you get your food from your favorite place and she gets hers then go have a picnic together or something? then follow it up with a movie, shopping or whatever?
you can both find ways to compromise and be happy, if you really want to. it's not impossible. you each have to give a little and use your smarts and imagination.
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nta: you tried this expensive restaurant and didn’t like it. you then suggested several alternative things that would be accommodating and she said no. that’s on her
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nta. i suggest she get takeout from there, you get takeout from a place you like and you meet in the middle. or...she cooks her own food and brings it to your place or the other way around. i have one friend that because of our allergies and food tolerances, we can't eat out together. we just find other things to do.
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nta. if you don't enjoy spending a lot of money on food you don't like, then you shouldn't be forced to do it just to make someone else happy.
i almost said nah, but she is slightly ta for not being more willing to compromise on hanging out outside of the expensive restaurant.
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>she’s now mad at me bc she said i am refusing to be accommodating of her dietary needs.
given that you've made efforts to offer alternatives but have only been returned the choice of dining at an establishment you find unpalatable, perhaps *she* is refusing to be accommodating of *your* dietary needs.
nta
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nta.
if you're willing to accommodate eating elsewhere/at home, you're doing what can be done.
i feel the pain. i love going out to eat with my wife. but she has coeliac disease and for a while couldn't have fodmaps, soy, or a bunch of other things, and we basically couldn't go anywhere that serves food i would find edible, so... we didn't.
sucks, but it is what it is.
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nta. vegan is more expensive so as someone who also doesn’t have money to spend on expensive meals i totally get that. but i would just let them know that you don’t have the money for that and to see if there are maybe cheaper vegan restaurants. or maybe google restaurants that have food that meets her requirements that has food you’ll like too. it’s hard to find but some may have it. if you can’t find any then i would just be up front with her and try to find something else to do with her instead of eating. if she still refuses and can’t understand that you don’t have the money to pay for food you don’t even like then that’s not your fault if you guys can’t do anything anymore. at some point she has to just realize she can’t be accommodated every single time.
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nta, i like that you’re offering other ideas that don’t involve a meal. we have some serious food allergies/ intolerances that make dining out or travelling a nightmare. doing something outside of mealtime is much more enjoyable as it’s safer for us to dine at home. gluten-free vegan is a lot,especially if she’s celiac so cross contamination eliminates nearly every restaurant
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nta. lol she can pay for your meal, but it sounds like she might not be accommodating of your financial needs. also, who the hell says you can't go to two different restaurants in one night or order to go from 2 different places and eat in the park? or whatever? this person could stand to be more flexible and understanding of how restrictive people have to be around them as they are being necessarily restrictive, and learn to accept their resentments, loneliness and jealousy over the dietary life they must lead.
|
nta
you offered other activities and cooking at home. tell your thoughts on it if you haven't just so she is aware you want to accommodate her, but would prefer to spend less money doing so.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a friend of mine has had ibs for most of her life and in the past few years has gotten it mostly under control by changing her diet to gluten and soy free and vegan. however, it is so hard to go out to eat with her. she basically can’t eat anything at a non vegan restaurant and even then, it’s hard to find something that is also gluten and soy free. there’s a raw vegan restaurant that’s got an okay selection that she usually goes to. she’s asked me to go eat with her there several times. i’m sure some people enjoy this place, i, however, am not one of them. it’s also very expensive and i’m not rich. i’ve started turning down invites to go to dinner with her and have been offering other activities or eating at one of our places. she really likes going out to dinner and said it’s one of her favorite activities. she’s now mad at me bc she said i am refusing to be accommodating of her dietary needs. i feel bad about this but i’m tired of spending $30 on a meal i don’t enjoy at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a friend of mine has had ibs for most of her life and in the past few years has gotten it mostly under control by changing her diet to gluten and soy free and vegan. however, it is so hard to go out to eat with her. she basically can’t eat anything at a non vegan restaurant and even then, it’s hard to find something that is also gluten and soy free. there’s a raw vegan restaurant that’s got an okay selection that she usually goes to. she’s asked me to go eat with her there several times. i’m sure some people enjoy this place, i, however, am not one of them. it’s also very expensive and i’m not rich. i’ve started turning down invites to go to dinner with her and have been offering other activities or eating at one of our places. she really likes going out to dinner and said it’s one of her favorite activities. she’s now mad at me bc she said i am refusing to be accommodating of her dietary needs. i feel bad about this but i’m tired of spending $30 on a meal i don’t enjoy at all. [/INST] nah is take-out an option? can you get your food from your favorite place and she gets hers then go have a picnic together or something? then follow it up with a movie, shopping or whatever? you can both find ways to compromise and be happy, if you really want to. it's not impossible. you each have to give a little and use your smarts and imagination. </s>
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AITA for calling my SIL cruel for excluding her brother (My Husband) from her upcoming wedding?
|
my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences.
my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago.
sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince.
now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude.
| 7,750
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t6pivu/aita_for_calling_my_sil_cruel_for_excluding_her/
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2022-03-04 18:29:45
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yta. that’s not something to joke about. i know the mental distress of a person who is the recipient of cruel “jokes” like that. your husband is an ah for thinking that was a funny joke, you’re an ah for thinking your sil is cruel… essentially agreeing with your ah husband. you both sound toxic and i don’t blame sil for cutting you both out.
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you and your husband are raging assholes.. totally yta
when people say the line of "oh its just a prank", you know deep down they are assholes as they are trying to cover up being dicks to people by trying the "calm down its a joke" bit.
as much as you want to try and cover for him, he absolutly had malicious intent towards his sister for traumatizing her for many many years
"com'on man, its just a joke"
f off with that shit
|
>and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night
hahahahahaha!!! omg i can't stop laughing at that one! i'm gonna go tell everyone i know how funny this was!
(oh by the way my actual brother died in an actual accident , so it's even more thigh-slappingly funny for me!)
yeah yta and you know it. and he's the biggest ah of all. that poor bride is probably terrified what will happen to her car, house, friends, or pets while he's banned from the wedding and desperate to play another hilarious prank. i hope she's got security all around her wedding, home and possessions.
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yta - your husband isn’t a „jokester“, he‘s an infantile bully and you know it.
he has proven time and time again that he can’t be trusted.
he brought this on himself and no one else is at fault but him.
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it'll be okay, op.
after the wedding has happened, your sil can tell your husband it was just a prank not to invite him and he'll stop being upset about it. that's how that works, right? it's fine if he was upset by it, because it was just a prank.
yta.
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yta.
hard to swallow pill: what your hubby and your call pranks and teasing, were actually bullying, and she's completely in her right to tell you both you're not invited. you are not the victims here.
hubby fucked around and found out.
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yta and so is your husband.
he's been tormenting her for years. i'm glad she go the courage to tell him and his "pranks" to fuck off.
pranks are only funny if all involved are laughing. otherwise it's bullying. your husband is a bully.
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[deleted]
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yta. it sounds like you've been making excuses for your husband's behavior for a long time, to the point where you think that what he does, and how he treats people, is normal.
there will come a time in your life when you look around and realize that there are very few people left. you will have spent many of your best years making excuses and arguing away your husband's behavior, telling people to "lighten up" and that it's "just a joke" while refusing to acknowledge that they are real people that he has hurt.
doesn't it get exhausting, having to make excuses for him?
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yta
honestly, the difference between a prank and abuse is the impact it has on the victim. traumatizing someone as a prank is not okay.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences. my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago. sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince. now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences. my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago. sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince. now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude. [/INST] yta. that’s not something to joke about. i know the mental distress of a person who is the recipient of cruel “jokes” like that. your husband is an ah for thinking that was a funny joke, you’re an ah for thinking your sil is cruel… essentially agreeing with your ah husband. you both sound toxic and i don’t blame sil for cutting you both out. </s>
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AITA for calling my fat friend fat after she called me a twig?
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i am very self conscious about my weight. i am very skinny because of my fast metabolism and im very bony. it tears me apart when i hear people calling me a twig. i was eating lunch with some of my friends and the biggest one in the group said "eat" when i was throwing out half of my sandwich. i said "im not hungry" and she said "you have to eat, your a twig" they already know i have a fast metabolism because i told them before about it when they asked why i was so bony. i snapped back and said "i'd rather be a twig then a whole tree" and suddenly im the asshole. everyone in my group of friends hate me and i want to know if its my fault.
| 12,793
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcpyuj/aita_for_calling_my_fat_friend_fat_after_she/
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2019-10-03 12:08:36
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esh. what she said was clearly wrong, and yours was a little less because it was provoked, but neither was mature or friendly.
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body shaming goes both ways, so they don't get the high ground. esh seems appropriate.
but really, you should see a doctor about your weight. you say
> i am very skinny because of my fast metabolism
but then also say
> i was throwing out half of my sandwich.
it's not "fast metabolism" that's making you throw out half of a sandwich.
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esh. both of y’all are immature.
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esh - she shouldn't had called you twig 1st but you inadvertently validated exactly why you are called a twig in front of everyone else when you said you rather be a twig than whole tree/fat. she fucked up, but you fucked up even more in front of the other friends who are whole trees/fat that were there at the time.
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i’ve seen this exact post before, right down to the insult.
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yta for wasting half a sandwich...
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it's because most people think it's easier to gain weight (they think it takes no effort) than losing it.
nta. an eye for an eye.
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the reason why yta is because of the way society treats fat people vs thin people. at the end of the day people might be calling you a twig but your body type is still considered ideal and most women strive to look that way because of society's standards . meanwhile making fun of a fat person is something that literally everyone does because society hates fat people, considers them disgusting, etc.
reddit also hates fat people so ill be down voted to hell and back but idc.
the reality is being called a twig and being called a whole tree holds different meaning.
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nta
don't start nothing, won't get nothing.
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esh neither of you should be making negative comments towards the other. friends build each other up, not tear each other down.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.3711
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am very self conscious about my weight. i am very skinny because of my fast metabolism and im very bony. it tears me apart when i hear people calling me a twig. i was eating lunch with some of my friends and the biggest one in the group said "eat" when i was throwing out half of my sandwich. i said "im not hungry" and she said "you have to eat, your a twig" they already know i have a fast metabolism because i told them before about it when they asked why i was so bony. i snapped back and said "i'd rather be a twig then a whole tree" and suddenly im the asshole. everyone in my group of friends hate me and i want to know if its my fault.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am very self conscious about my weight. i am very skinny because of my fast metabolism and im very bony. it tears me apart when i hear people calling me a twig. i was eating lunch with some of my friends and the biggest one in the group said "eat" when i was throwing out half of my sandwich. i said "im not hungry" and she said "you have to eat, your a twig" they already know i have a fast metabolism because i told them before about it when they asked why i was so bony. i snapped back and said "i'd rather be a twig then a whole tree" and suddenly im the asshole. everyone in my group of friends hate me and i want to know if its my fault. [/INST] esh. what she said was clearly wrong, and yours was a little less because it was provoked, but neither was mature or friendly. </s>
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AITA for correcting my wife's friend over who's the main breadwinner
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i'm a business owner and about a year ago i automated it to the point where i spend maybe an hour a week working. my wife works full time as a school librarian. naturally, my wife and i decided it was best to cut back on daycare and have me do most of the babysitting during the week. yesterday my wife had a bunch of her friends over while my lil bros and i were getting back from the pool. after i'm done getting them settled i come in to say hello. one of my wife's friends told me how cool it was that i was a stahd and how my wife was the primary breadwinner. i told her that technically i'm the main breadwinner but guilty as charge about me the cool stahd. my wife's other friends told me i'm then spent like fifteen minutes asking me about my business. i then notice my wifey giving me a "you should leave look". later that night my wife told me it wasn't cool that i felt the need to brag about how much money i make and embarrasses her in front of her friends. she said i needed to work on being less insecure about being a stahd. i told her i wasn't and she's the one being insecure about going to work even though we very easily could get by on my paycheck alone and that having her friends thinking she has an amazing husband should be the exact opposite of embarrassing. after about ten minutes of yelling, we decided that this was a stupid thing to argue about and we should let reddit decide and be done with it. so aita
| 3,188
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f3deqv/aita_for_correcting_my_wifes_friend_over_whos_the/
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2020-02-13 17:28:53
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nah.
you didn't mean to belittle your wife, you were just making a minor correction in normal small talk, and your wife is valid in her feelings on the matter too.
no one is really in the wrong, it's just one of those small miscommunications that is best let go and moved on from.
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nta; if the situation were reversed, your wife would probably want to correct the impression that she was "just" a sahm if she was also earning a good income on the side. it's human to want the people around us to see us fully, and to want to correct misconceptions based on false assumptions.
that said, if you crossed a line by providing specific private details about how much you make or she makes then you owe your wife an apology. and you need to listen to her feelings that your words felt like a "brag", and work on toning that down. you two are very fortunate and she doesn't need her friends to feel envious or insecure in comparison.
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nah. you are both right. you shouldn't brag about your earnings and your wife shouldn't be insecure, as presumably she likes her job since she's still doing it despite your income level.
but dude, please tell me your secrets! i want a one hour per week check that'll support my family!
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nah you both seem insecure about the current setup, though it sounds awesome. this is insecurity and miscommunication so use some of that ample $ to get a little marriage counseling.
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nta someone made a comment and you corrected it. i don't see a problem with that. your wife does seem quite insecure. if she doesn't want to work, why is she working? and why does she feel the need to appear superior to her friends?
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nta if you were just making a clarification. but if you were laying it on thick and really bragging then i can see how it would make people uncomfortable hard to tell from your post how it really went down.
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yta for calling it babysitting. they’re your kids.
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>naturally, my wife and i decided it was best to cut back on daycare and have me do most of the babysitting during the week.
side note: you are not babysitting. that's demeaning. you're a dad taking care of your kid. this is a responsibility, not a job.
\---
>i told her that technically i'm the main breadwinner but guilty as charge about me the cool stahd.
it's cool to issue a correction, but i think this was a disrespectful way to do it. "actually, we both contribute substantially to the family finances! i am a business owner, and am lucky to have very competent managers, so i also get to be a sahd."
something like this is accurate with a neutral tone, compared to a tone of "don't elevate that woman above her place".
yta. and you owe a series of apologies.
\---
addendum:
>later that night my wife told me it wasn't cool that i felt the need to brag about how much money i make and embarrasses her in front of her friends.
that's absolutely the vibe i got.
>she said i needed to work on being less insecure about being a stahd.
if it wasn't insecurity, why did you do it? if you just were carelessly issuing a correction, then you're naive and should think more about how what you say impacts your wife.
>i told her i wasn't and she's the one being insecure about going to work even though we very easily could get by on my paycheck alone
this is an asshole thing to say for several reasons. firstly, it's a deflection from her point, rather than addressing what she's talking about. if she's insecure, you need to have that conversation, but not during this conversation. it also devalues her work. work can be satisfying and rewarding, even if it doesn't make a ton of money.
>and that having her friends thinking she has an amazing husband should be the exact opposite of embarrassing.
this is so narcissistic. you're only seeing your perspective. and you somehow think that bragging about how good you are makes her look good? i don't even get how you think that works. even if you weren't demeaning her, it would be a bad look.
>after about ten minutes of yelling, we decided that this was a stupid thing to argue about
it's not stupid to argue about, but you guys might need to learn some arguing ground rules so you can "fight fair", and figure these sorts of things by yourselves.
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nta. it does sound to me like your wife feels insecure about her job. no one should be embarrassed to say how much they make in front of their friends. i can't say whether it sounded like you were bragging (which could be annoying), but what you said was true. i don't see why she should care. you guys are on the same team. the money belongs to both of you, and it sounds like you're both quite successful.
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so let me get this straight, you make more than 50% of the household income and you're a stay at home parent? your wife on the other hand leaves for work every day, but makes less? and she complained about you talking about your awesome situation to her friends?
nta to talk about your business and that you make money.
maybe a possible question on why she doesn't want her friends to know how much money you guys have.
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
|
NTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.228883
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a business owner and about a year ago i automated it to the point where i spend maybe an hour a week working. my wife works full time as a school librarian. naturally, my wife and i decided it was best to cut back on daycare and have me do most of the babysitting during the week. yesterday my wife had a bunch of her friends over while my lil bros and i were getting back from the pool. after i'm done getting them settled i come in to say hello. one of my wife's friends told me how cool it was that i was a stahd and how my wife was the primary breadwinner. i told her that technically i'm the main breadwinner but guilty as charge about me the cool stahd. my wife's other friends told me i'm then spent like fifteen minutes asking me about my business. i then notice my wifey giving me a "you should leave look". later that night my wife told me it wasn't cool that i felt the need to brag about how much money i make and embarrasses her in front of her friends. she said i needed to work on being less insecure about being a stahd. i told her i wasn't and she's the one being insecure about going to work even though we very easily could get by on my paycheck alone and that having her friends thinking she has an amazing husband should be the exact opposite of embarrassing. after about ten minutes of yelling, we decided that this was a stupid thing to argue about and we should let reddit decide and be done with it. so aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a business owner and about a year ago i automated it to the point where i spend maybe an hour a week working. my wife works full time as a school librarian. naturally, my wife and i decided it was best to cut back on daycare and have me do most of the babysitting during the week. yesterday my wife had a bunch of her friends over while my lil bros and i were getting back from the pool. after i'm done getting them settled i come in to say hello. one of my wife's friends told me how cool it was that i was a stahd and how my wife was the primary breadwinner. i told her that technically i'm the main breadwinner but guilty as charge about me the cool stahd. my wife's other friends told me i'm then spent like fifteen minutes asking me about my business. i then notice my wifey giving me a "you should leave look". later that night my wife told me it wasn't cool that i felt the need to brag about how much money i make and embarrasses her in front of her friends. she said i needed to work on being less insecure about being a stahd. i told her i wasn't and she's the one being insecure about going to work even though we very easily could get by on my paycheck alone and that having her friends thinking she has an amazing husband should be the exact opposite of embarrassing. after about ten minutes of yelling, we decided that this was a stupid thing to argue about and we should let reddit decide and be done with it. so aita [/INST] nah. you didn't mean to belittle your wife, you were just making a minor correction in normal small talk, and your wife is valid in her feelings on the matter too. no one is really in the wrong, it's just one of those small miscommunications that is best let go and moved on from. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to work with a fellow employee that prefers gender neutral pronouns?
|
i work for a major retailer near a big city. recently we hired a new kid named chuck. chuck is great. chuck does their job, shows up on time, and is pleasant to be around. if you’ve ever worked retail you know not many people can check these 3 basic boxes.
a couple months after being hired chuck began asking people to not use him, he, bro, sir, etc when we referring to chuck. cool, no big deal, i’m down for respecting that sort of thing and i imagine it was super tough to tell someone let alone 30 plus people. chuck is unsure if they are asexual or possibly even trans but knows they no longer want to be referred to with a male gendered pronoun.
so this was fine at first but has been becoming more difficult as time has wore on. it’s a daily struggle to drop man, sir, and bro from my phrases and mannerisms. and i feel terrible every time. chuck just gives me this look until i realize that i’ve done it again, which i then apologize for again, and repeat ad nauseam.
i’m not alone in this struggle and it’s wearing thin on several others. i’m to the point now where i just kind of avoid chuck and limit my interactions with chuck. i’ve even struggled to write this post ensuring not to refer to chuck with a male pronoun. i like chuck, but i don’t want to deal with chuck anymore. i’m also very aware that this is most likely even more difficult for chuck than it is for everyone else.
that being said, i’m tired of walking on eggshells around chuck, it’s exhausting, and i no longer want to work with chuck. i’m probably the asshole here.
| 2,181
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b31u9y/aita_for_not_wanting_to_work_with_a_fellow/
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2019-03-19 19:40:10
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nah - it can be hard to unlearn phrases in certain contexts. yours reasoning being that you feel horrible when you forget, tells me you’re not the asshole.
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nah
walking on eggshells is a hard thing to do.
people slip up and chuck can't expect changes within a week.
however, it's common courtsey to try your hardest to not slip up (which you probably are doing).
my advice is talk to hr about this situation and if nothing else, try to switch shifts with someone else.
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nah chuck makes your day harder. no fault of their own but you do what you can and they should be happy with that. as long as you are doing your best then you are not the asshole op
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nta. i fully support basically anything that comes down to "you do you," i.e. things that doesn't really affect my life. sexuality, gender identity, etc.
but i do think it's a bit unreasonable when people expect perfection. there *has to be* some give or take and the current climate around this particular issue seems to be so all or nothing. it's weird. it's a weird speech pattern, and while it may not seem weird to them personally and even be a very important thing, the reasonable thing is to recognize just how extraordinarily rare that request it. and it is. the vast majority of us will never have to do this. it's like if with only one person i was asked to use my left hand to do everything but write. perfectly capable of doing it, but it's so unusual and those habits are so deeply ingrained that it takes a lot of mental effort to not fuck it up. it's not practical to expect perfection, nor is it a reasonable thing to ask of someone. asking them to be mindful and try is.
you're making the genuine effort. that's all that matters.
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nta, it sounds like you're honestly trying but this: "chuck just gives me this look until i realize that i’ve done it again, which i then apologize for again, and repeat ad nauseam."
this sounds exhausting. i would avoid them too.
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nah. is it possible for you to just tell chuck what you said in the first half of your post? just like a "hey, im sorry if i keep calling you bro/dude/sis/etc. old habits die hard, im working on it, and i hope im not offending you when i accidentally let one slip"
in my experience, as long as you show valid effort and an "ah shit sorry" when misgendering someone, they're usually pretty cool with it.
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nah, but this is a thin line you’re walking. so long as you are trying in good faith to respect his wishes, sometimes dealing with people is hard, and not wanting to deal with that is fine. again, this is contingent on you you trying in good faith to accommodate: fail to do so and it’s a whole different (and far more negative) judgement.
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nah. ask chuck what you can substitute in place of those words. i used to manage a warehouse and the driver that picked up our deliveries at the end of the day was trans. she was our driver for 2 years and then announced the transition. i call everyone dude regardless of gender, i even have called my mother dude on occasion. she said no more dude or man or bro. i said you gotta give me something to work with here, what is an exceptable subsitute for dude. she thought about it for a minute and couldn't come up with anything and we agreed that dude was acceptable as long as i drop the man or bro. life went on and after a couple of weeks i was used to it and it wasnt a problem. she was also reasonable about it, meaning she knew it would take a while for people to adjust and didnt get upset when someone slipped up. so if they are being reasonable i am sure there is room for a compromise to made.
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this is why i refer to everyone as bruh
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nta
i think it was an aussie mayor of a city who stated at the beginning of the council meeting that gendered pronouns are banned.
not a minute after that, she said "she" realised the mistake and said it's quite hard, within 5 minutes she said so many gender pronouns that i lost count.
the reason you aren't an asshole is because it's next to impossible to find words to consistently replace gendered pronouns.
even with that mayor's best intentions, it didn't work out.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
| 0.026189
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work for a major retailer near a big city. recently we hired a new kid named chuck. chuck is great. chuck does their job, shows up on time, and is pleasant to be around. if you’ve ever worked retail you know not many people can check these 3 basic boxes. a couple months after being hired chuck began asking people to not use him, he, bro, sir, etc when we referring to chuck. cool, no big deal, i’m down for respecting that sort of thing and i imagine it was super tough to tell someone let alone 30 plus people. chuck is unsure if they are asexual or possibly even trans but knows they no longer want to be referred to with a male gendered pronoun. so this was fine at first but has been becoming more difficult as time has wore on. it’s a daily struggle to drop man, sir, and bro from my phrases and mannerisms. and i feel terrible every time. chuck just gives me this look until i realize that i’ve done it again, which i then apologize for again, and repeat ad nauseam. i’m not alone in this struggle and it’s wearing thin on several others. i’m to the point now where i just kind of avoid chuck and limit my interactions with chuck. i’ve even struggled to write this post ensuring not to refer to chuck with a male pronoun. i like chuck, but i don’t want to deal with chuck anymore. i’m also very aware that this is most likely even more difficult for chuck than it is for everyone else. that being said, i’m tired of walking on eggshells around chuck, it’s exhausting, and i no longer want to work with chuck. i’m probably the asshole here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work for a major retailer near a big city. recently we hired a new kid named chuck. chuck is great. chuck does their job, shows up on time, and is pleasant to be around. if you’ve ever worked retail you know not many people can check these 3 basic boxes. a couple months after being hired chuck began asking people to not use him, he, bro, sir, etc when we referring to chuck. cool, no big deal, i’m down for respecting that sort of thing and i imagine it was super tough to tell someone let alone 30 plus people. chuck is unsure if they are asexual or possibly even trans but knows they no longer want to be referred to with a male gendered pronoun. so this was fine at first but has been becoming more difficult as time has wore on. it’s a daily struggle to drop man, sir, and bro from my phrases and mannerisms. and i feel terrible every time. chuck just gives me this look until i realize that i’ve done it again, which i then apologize for again, and repeat ad nauseam. i’m not alone in this struggle and it’s wearing thin on several others. i’m to the point now where i just kind of avoid chuck and limit my interactions with chuck. i’ve even struggled to write this post ensuring not to refer to chuck with a male pronoun. i like chuck, but i don’t want to deal with chuck anymore. i’m also very aware that this is most likely even more difficult for chuck than it is for everyone else. that being said, i’m tired of walking on eggshells around chuck, it’s exhausting, and i no longer want to work with chuck. i’m probably the asshole here. [/INST] nah - it can be hard to unlearn phrases in certain contexts. yours reasoning being that you feel horrible when you forget, tells me you’re not the asshole. </s>
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AITA for saying healthy, uneventful pregnancies need to be part of the conversation too?
|
a friend of mine works in family planning. she's essentially a therapist for couples that are either trying to conceive, pregnant, adopting, fostering, new parents, etc. she recently asked me for my "birth story", conception all the way to 6 months after birth. she wanted to gather video stories for an online workshop she's hosting.
so i told her. it is literally the most bland story ever. we conceived on literally the first try, pregnancy was super uneventful and perfectly healthy, labor was fast, unmedicated and, again, uneventful. the only trouble we ran into was breastfeeding but that was fixed by exclusively pumping.
this was over zoom, and during certain parts my friend would make a face, or say "really?" in an uninterested way. afterward she told me she didn't think she would want to include it. i asked why. she said stories like mine don't really exist and doesn't help the "candid conversation" about family planning.
while i get that couples in family planning therapy might not be having the best time, i feel like having an "easy" story is beneficial. i told her i would've loved a story like mine when i was pregnant because i was terrified of what i had read on the internet/heard from family members. things like emergency c sections, being torn from top to literal bottom, stillbirth, all these worst fears and not a single simple experience.
she rolled her eyes and said "well, not everyone is a unicorn like you" and hung up. aita for suggesting including a plain, uneventful story?
| 2,787
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnt0cn/aita_for_saying_healthy_uneventful_pregnancies/
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2020-07-09 00:25:28
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nah i wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for it, but i think she’s probably right.
she needs stories to spark conversations so that people are prepared for whatever might happen. no one needs preparation for an uneventful pregnancy.
people do need to know what to do when common events occur though.
it also can make people who are struggling feel bad to highlight someone who had everything easy.
if you are having a seminar on credit management you have stories about people who have struggled and overcome various common financial problems. having a couple tell their story of how they had an easy life and made good financial decisions isn’t going to useful.
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i'm going to say nta. specifically for this:
> she said stories like mine don't really exist
and
> she rolled her eyes and said "well, not everyone is a unicorn like you"
a therapist should know better than to say things like that. it's reasonable that an uneventful story might not be useful for her project, but the way she reacted was out of line.
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nta- i know during my first pregnancy people stood in line to tell me horrific stories of pregnancy, childbirth, and post-partum issues. i was freaking out the whole time. having a few easy pregnancy stories tossed in helped keep me grounded.
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nah. your story, your experience, is valid. it’s refreshing and reassuring to hear about, and you should absolutely feel good about it, and share it with others when they ask.
but it’s also ok if the *purpose of this specific video compilation* is more about “sometimes things don’t go to plan, and here’s how other people managed that.” basically, it’s ok for her to create a “troubleshooting” section to her workshop, and it would make sense that a story like yours wouldn’t necessarily fit in with that particular section. not because the experience isn’t valid, or helpful, but because it would belong in a different section than the “troubleshooting” topic she’s aiming at with this.
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nta, and quite honestly, i'm a bit surprised by the nah responses. while your friend wasn't wrong to not include the video, she was wrong to both dismiss your experience, and to insult you. she also should've been far more clear from the beginning that she was looking for "struggles" during pregnancy, instead of wasting your time.
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nta. i am assuming that some couples may see her because of anxiety. maybe they had a bad outcome with a pregnancy previously, maybe they have anxiety in every day life and no experience with pregnancy. for these people, hearing a more “positive” story can ease fears. because it takes no effort to find the horror stories (seriously, google any symptom you’ve ever had). additionally, you struggled with breastfeeding, which is a huge stressor for a lot of women (you indicated she also deals with new parents). there are women with c sections who struggle with breastfeeding and assume its because of how they gave birth. your story shows that even a “textbook” pregnancy doesn’t make for a “textbook” breastfeeding/newborn experience. she can make more than one video, or clearly labeled sections with very little effort. she should be tailoring to her clients anyways. a woman’s story of a miscarriage would be valid for some patients but would provoke problems in others i’m sure. while on the surface your pregnancy and childbirth experience may seem less “interesting” that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have a place for some people. and either way, she could have been more tactful. expressing disinterest or telling you your story wasn’t good enough is unneeded. she could have been professional, thanked you for talking to her, and then excluded your story and if questioned later could have said they had an overwhelming response and unfortunately your story didn’t make the final cut for the video.
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nta. your friend asked for your story then made faces and basically said it wasn't good enough? that's gross and extremely rude. i also agree with you that when all the stories are horror stories, it can have the opposite of the intended effect and just make everyone terrified of pregnancy. if she had wanted specifically to collect difficult birth stories, she should have asked if you had one before she asked for yours.
it's also completely absurd to tell you your story doesn't exist. like, what?
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nah your friend is a therapist for family planning so chances are none of her clients are having an easy time and none will have a bland story as you put it. so makes sense why she wouldn’t want or be able to use your story. she was wrong when she said no one has uneventful stories, but she might have meant none of her clients do and it might be rubbing it in to show a video of a woman who had it so easy when they are there for help.
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nta and this is coming from someone who has had three miscarriages with really horrible timing (traumatic enough that i'm not willing to try to get pregnant again. i'm saving for adoption fees)
your friend should have asked if you had the type of story she was looking for.
she is flat out wrong about your experience "not existing". both of my sisters had experiences like yours. however, she's probably looking for "rainbow baby" stories to give her clients hope.
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nta. best to have all sides when talking about pregnancies. from the worst to the best.
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005155
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a friend of mine works in family planning. she's essentially a therapist for couples that are either trying to conceive, pregnant, adopting, fostering, new parents, etc. she recently asked me for my "birth story", conception all the way to 6 months after birth. she wanted to gather video stories for an online workshop she's hosting. so i told her. it is literally the most bland story ever. we conceived on literally the first try, pregnancy was super uneventful and perfectly healthy, labor was fast, unmedicated and, again, uneventful. the only trouble we ran into was breastfeeding but that was fixed by exclusively pumping. this was over zoom, and during certain parts my friend would make a face, or say "really?" in an uninterested way. afterward she told me she didn't think she would want to include it. i asked why. she said stories like mine don't really exist and doesn't help the "candid conversation" about family planning. while i get that couples in family planning therapy might not be having the best time, i feel like having an "easy" story is beneficial. i told her i would've loved a story like mine when i was pregnant because i was terrified of what i had read on the internet/heard from family members. things like emergency c sections, being torn from top to literal bottom, stillbirth, all these worst fears and not a single simple experience. she rolled her eyes and said "well, not everyone is a unicorn like you" and hung up. aita for suggesting including a plain, uneventful story?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a friend of mine works in family planning. she's essentially a therapist for couples that are either trying to conceive, pregnant, adopting, fostering, new parents, etc. she recently asked me for my "birth story", conception all the way to 6 months after birth. she wanted to gather video stories for an online workshop she's hosting. so i told her. it is literally the most bland story ever. we conceived on literally the first try, pregnancy was super uneventful and perfectly healthy, labor was fast, unmedicated and, again, uneventful. the only trouble we ran into was breastfeeding but that was fixed by exclusively pumping. this was over zoom, and during certain parts my friend would make a face, or say "really?" in an uninterested way. afterward she told me she didn't think she would want to include it. i asked why. she said stories like mine don't really exist and doesn't help the "candid conversation" about family planning. while i get that couples in family planning therapy might not be having the best time, i feel like having an "easy" story is beneficial. i told her i would've loved a story like mine when i was pregnant because i was terrified of what i had read on the internet/heard from family members. things like emergency c sections, being torn from top to literal bottom, stillbirth, all these worst fears and not a single simple experience. she rolled her eyes and said "well, not everyone is a unicorn like you" and hung up. aita for suggesting including a plain, uneventful story? [/INST] nah i wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for it, but i think she’s probably right. she needs stories to spark conversations so that people are prepared for whatever might happen. no one needs preparation for an uneventful pregnancy. people do need to know what to do when common events occur though. it also can make people who are struggling feel bad to highlight someone who had everything easy. if you are having a seminar on credit management you have stories about people who have struggled and overcome various common financial problems. having a couple tell their story of how they had an easy life and made good financial decisions isn’t going to useful. </s>
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AITA for not letting my wife buy Starbucks anymore?
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my wife has recently got a taste for starbucks and started going there once or twice a week last november. recently she’s going everyday and getting venti special drinks and doesn’t finish them. it’s getting out of hand. she’s spending around 50 dollars a week and she doesn’t even finish the drink. i asked her multiple times to at least get the tall drinks or get an amazing coffee machine. i don’t mind spending the money for a good coffee machine cause at least we all get to enjoy it and it saves money in the future.
she doesn’t want to and i’m getting really frustrated. she is a stay at home wife and our son basically takes care of himself. i can afford the drink but spending 200 dollars a month on coffee is just a waste. we can do so much with that money. 2400 dollars a year is a vacation is the way i think of it.
we got into an argument when i saw the credit card statement and she spent 300 dollars last month. i took her credit and hid it. she says i’m overreacting but 300 dollars isn’t a joke.
| 4,633
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9l3s9/aita_for_not_letting_my_wife_buy_starbucks_anymore/
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2022-04-22 18:19:41
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esh
luxury spending needs to be mutually agreed on, but taking her credit card like she's your misbehaving teenager is also inappropriate. you adding that she's a stay at home mom but doesn't care for your child makes me think this is just a symptom of a bigger problem.
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you need to allocate fun money. what that gets spent on is the person's own business. once it's done it's done.
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nta but she's probably stir crazy and this is a routine that gets her out of the house. deeper issues than the half-drunk coffee--maybe she needs to think about hobbies, a class, going back to work, etc. not over the money--which is important--but for being restless and wanting an out of house activity.
(but don't go to the "let her buy" or hiding credit cards bit--that's not cool. you're a partnership, not a parent taking allowance from a naughty child)
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esh, but i wonder if it's about the drinks? perhaps she craves getting out of the house and speaking to people, or having a routine that doesn't involve the home and is just for her, so having a fancy coffee machine isn't really satisfying a need. the communication doesn't seem very good here.
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info: when you say your son "basically takes care of himself", what exactly do you mean by that?
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so something my husband and i do, is set aside a certain amount of money per month for each of us. that money is our “fun money” to do whatever we want with, no questions asked. shared activities, dinners, trips etc. we split from our joint account. it’s a percentage of our paycheques, so you would have to decide what amount you would want (i would recommend the same for both of you). but that might be a solution? like i think your wife deserves to treat herself but $200 on coffee is excessive and having a finite amount of money for things like that may help her realize how much she’s spending and also gives you an easy “no”. she can spend it all on coffee if she wants, with no complaints from you, but maybe that means she has to cut back in some other area.
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esh
i don't necessarily think you're an asshole, cause i wouldn't be happy with my mrs spending that much money on starbucks.
that being said, based on your post it doesn't seem like you've really looked into why she's doing it.
you say
> she is a stay at home wife and our son basically takes care of himself.
i think she's probably bored, maybe a bit lonely and the trips to get coffee gives her something to do.
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info: as a sahm does your wife have an allowance or is there a budget you two have agreed to? when your wife agreed to be a sahm how did you two agree to split finances?
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esh.
you don't settle marital financial disputes by hiding the credit card. that's a little over the top and disrespectful. however, so is spending 300 bucks a month on starbucks.
if your finances are combined, you should agree on a budget for things such as this. sit down and come to a compromise like two adults.
(disclaimer: i am somewhat biased and think starbucks is the biggest waste of money ever. spend 500 bucks on a super-fancy coffee machine instead).
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nevermind the info, guess i missed it.
esh.
give her the card back damn it, you don't ever take your so's card away like they're a child. that's controlling as all hell and financially abusive.
she sucks too because if she's not going to finish the larger coffee then she should waste less money by getting the smaller one because they taste the same. 200-300 dollars monthly on coffee she isn't going to finish is not only stupid but wasteful. as a sahm she does do work and should get a say in finances but she doesn't get to waste that level of money on coffee she won't finish.
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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INFO
| null |
ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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INFO
| 0.370657
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife has recently got a taste for starbucks and started going there once or twice a week last november. recently she’s going everyday and getting venti special drinks and doesn’t finish them. it’s getting out of hand. she’s spending around 50 dollars a week and she doesn’t even finish the drink. i asked her multiple times to at least get the tall drinks or get an amazing coffee machine. i don’t mind spending the money for a good coffee machine cause at least we all get to enjoy it and it saves money in the future. she doesn’t want to and i’m getting really frustrated. she is a stay at home wife and our son basically takes care of himself. i can afford the drink but spending 200 dollars a month on coffee is just a waste. we can do so much with that money. 2400 dollars a year is a vacation is the way i think of it. we got into an argument when i saw the credit card statement and she spent 300 dollars last month. i took her credit and hid it. she says i’m overreacting but 300 dollars isn’t a joke.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife has recently got a taste for starbucks and started going there once or twice a week last november. recently she’s going everyday and getting venti special drinks and doesn’t finish them. it’s getting out of hand. she’s spending around 50 dollars a week and she doesn’t even finish the drink. i asked her multiple times to at least get the tall drinks or get an amazing coffee machine. i don’t mind spending the money for a good coffee machine cause at least we all get to enjoy it and it saves money in the future. she doesn’t want to and i’m getting really frustrated. she is a stay at home wife and our son basically takes care of himself. i can afford the drink but spending 200 dollars a month on coffee is just a waste. we can do so much with that money. 2400 dollars a year is a vacation is the way i think of it. we got into an argument when i saw the credit card statement and she spent 300 dollars last month. i took her credit and hid it. she says i’m overreacting but 300 dollars isn’t a joke. [/INST] esh luxury spending needs to be mutually agreed on, but taking her credit card like she's your misbehaving teenager is also inappropriate. you adding that she's a stay at home mom but doesn't care for your child makes me think this is just a symptom of a bigger problem. </s>
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WIBTA for approaching my half sibling at school when he doesn't know we're related?
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i have 7 known half siblings. we're not even sure we know about all of them yet. 2 of them are under 18 and the mothers aren't exactly thrilled about the whole situation, so we've not been able to meet them, but the ones over 18 (including me) have all met each other.
i'm in sixth form, which is meant to be for 16-18 year olds, but i'm doing a third year (had some pretty bad grades so had to stay on). there's a first year here, a boy with the same first name that dad told us and he looks just like a picture dad has on his bookshelf. he has the same surname as the woman one of our siblings reached out to a while ago. when they reached out they explained the situation and asked if he wanted to meet us. the mother responded that she wouldn't even broach it with him because it was "inappropriate" and she didn't believe it and told my sister not to contact her or her son again.
they boy is on my course, and we're in a class of 20 people together. there's a chance he already knows and his mother did tell him, and there's a chance he knows nothing about it, but we're going to be in class together for the next year.
wibta if i (delicately) tell him we're half siblings and let him do whatever he wants with that information, when he's 16 years old and his mother has explicitly told our older sibling not to tell him?
clarification: i checked with dad and it is him. he knows dad and is aware dad is his biological father, and has met dad. he just doesn't know he has siblings.
| 1,599
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dsfcng/wibta_for_approaching_my_half_sibling_at_school/
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2019-11-06 12:03:29
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info
what are the circumstances behind you having unknown half siblings? do they not know who their parents are or assume incorrectly that someone else is their parent? the answer could depend on these things.
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if he does know and hasn't approached you, he probably doesn't want to. if he doesnt know then telling him would likely upset him and cause problems between him and his mother. causing him distress when hes studying for a levels isn't really a good idea. plus it sounds like you're not even completely sure you have the right person.
nah, because it's not really your fault you're in this situation, and i can see why you would want to reach out, but i dont see how it would work out well for anybody involved.
tough situation for you op. sorry you have to go through it.
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nah, but i don’t think you should do it.
this is a critical time in life for your maybe-brother, and the disclosure you make, true or not, could trigger a very negative pivot for him. please weigh the impact of this strongly as you consider how to proceed.
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get a picture of you and your dad together, make it your lock screen on your phone, then always need to check your phone around him. if he knows your dad he will ask you how you know his dad, then you can says that’s your dad. but if i’m honest, it sounds like your dad might be the asshole and he should be the one sorting this.
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if he is not an adult and his mother has reasons not to tell him (making her views explicitly clear) then i think yta for telling him. if he is past school, is an adult and can deal with it the it would be very different.
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yes, stirring trouble does, in fact, make you an asshole.
the mother said she wishes for her family to be left out of it, so leave the family out of it, easy.
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he is under the age of 18 and his mother gets to make that decision for him for now, she has made her point, respect it. ywbta
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ywbta. respect the mother's decision.
it is also very possible that the mother talked to the child about it previously and the child didn't want anything to do with everyone else. remember that not everyone views biological half siblings as some magical connector.
i've had my biological father and his kids reach out to me at various times in life (including when i was younger than 16) and i've never wanted anything to do with any of them. they're not my siblings. they're not my family. they're strangers. my mum asked/told me that if i wanted to talk to them i could and i didnt want to. and even at 12 if i shared a school with any of them i would have ignored their biological relationship to me.
the mom knows how to get in contact if she/the kid wants to.
op, your best bet if to be honest if something comes up. i.e. don't lie or try to shield your identity from the kid if it naturally comes up. but don't approach him.
example- you have a picture in your locker of you and your dad and he walks by. you don't have to lie if he sees it and asks or try to hide the pic from him. if he asks answer. otherwise move on.
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nta. he's 16, he's old enough to think for himself and decide what he wants to do with the information
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something similar happened in my family.
my mother has a baby and gave her up for adoption. this was back in the closed adoption days. they each signed up for the reunification registry in our state.
sister got my mom’s info from the and called her. unfortunately, my dad had died of cancer the day before the phone call. my mom decided that it would not be the best time to surprise me and my other siblings with this news. we did not know about her.
over the next couple of years, my mom met sister. as did my grandma and a few other family members who knew about her.
half-sister got impatient from waiting and decided to approach my full sister at her workplace. she caused quite a ruckus by taking matters into her own hands.
your sibling is a minor child. their mom has reasons you may not be aware of. ywbta if you took matters into your own hands over the objections of the parents.
|
INFO
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.566187
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have 7 known half siblings. we're not even sure we know about all of them yet. 2 of them are under 18 and the mothers aren't exactly thrilled about the whole situation, so we've not been able to meet them, but the ones over 18 (including me) have all met each other. i'm in sixth form, which is meant to be for 16-18 year olds, but i'm doing a third year (had some pretty bad grades so had to stay on). there's a first year here, a boy with the same first name that dad told us and he looks just like a picture dad has on his bookshelf. he has the same surname as the woman one of our siblings reached out to a while ago. when they reached out they explained the situation and asked if he wanted to meet us. the mother responded that she wouldn't even broach it with him because it was "inappropriate" and she didn't believe it and told my sister not to contact her or her son again. they boy is on my course, and we're in a class of 20 people together. there's a chance he already knows and his mother did tell him, and there's a chance he knows nothing about it, but we're going to be in class together for the next year. wibta if i (delicately) tell him we're half siblings and let him do whatever he wants with that information, when he's 16 years old and his mother has explicitly told our older sibling not to tell him? clarification: i checked with dad and it is him. he knows dad and is aware dad is his biological father, and has met dad. he just doesn't know he has siblings.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have 7 known half siblings. we're not even sure we know about all of them yet. 2 of them are under 18 and the mothers aren't exactly thrilled about the whole situation, so we've not been able to meet them, but the ones over 18 (including me) have all met each other. i'm in sixth form, which is meant to be for 16-18 year olds, but i'm doing a third year (had some pretty bad grades so had to stay on). there's a first year here, a boy with the same first name that dad told us and he looks just like a picture dad has on his bookshelf. he has the same surname as the woman one of our siblings reached out to a while ago. when they reached out they explained the situation and asked if he wanted to meet us. the mother responded that she wouldn't even broach it with him because it was "inappropriate" and she didn't believe it and told my sister not to contact her or her son again. they boy is on my course, and we're in a class of 20 people together. there's a chance he already knows and his mother did tell him, and there's a chance he knows nothing about it, but we're going to be in class together for the next year. wibta if i (delicately) tell him we're half siblings and let him do whatever he wants with that information, when he's 16 years old and his mother has explicitly told our older sibling not to tell him? clarification: i checked with dad and it is him. he knows dad and is aware dad is his biological father, and has met dad. he just doesn't know he has siblings. [/INST] info what are the circumstances behind you having unknown half siblings? do they not know who their parents are or assume incorrectly that someone else is their parent? the answer could depend on these things. </s>
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AITA for not paying my rent?
|
when i was an undergrad i was renting a house with a few other guys off campus. every month i would collect rent from everyone in the house, put all the money in my bank account, then mail one check to the landlord (he insisted that we submit one check for the entire house). although it was sometimes a hassle to collect rent from four other people, i didn’t really mind being the one responsible for paying rent. however, the thing that did frustrate me is that the landlord would regularly wait to cash the rent check (sometimes up to 6-8 weeks). during this time the money would be sitting in my account and i would have to keep track of how much money i had for spending and how much money was waiting to be cashed in rent checks.
so in the beginning of december of 2019 i sent the rent check to my landlord and by the end of the month i could see it still hadn’t been cashed. january 2020 comes around and i send the rent check for january. by the end of january i see that neither the december check, nor the january check had been cashed. so i emailed my landlord just to make sure he had received the checks. he never emailed me back (as usual) but i did see about a week later that he cashed the rent check for january. fast forward a few months, and the december check still hasn’t been cashed. at this point i think that maybe he lost the check or something so i never mention it again but i did keep the money in my account for about a year just in case.
in june of 2021 our lease was up and we all decided to move out. about three weeks before the end of our lease, our landlord sends us an email and says that he found a rent check from december of 2019 that he never cashed. he told us that the check had expired and that he was going to return the old check and he wanted me to write a new one for the same amount.
a few weeks later we all moved out and i never wrote my landlord a new check. i know that technically the rent money is his but i feel that i did my part in collecting the rent, paying the rent on time, and then reminding him of the check that wasn’t cashed. i feel that its his fault that he didn’t cash the check and it expired. however, months after we moved out he is still calling and emailing me about the money. aita for not writing a new check?
| 425
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rmealf/aita_for_not_paying_my_rent/
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2021-12-22 20:42:11
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info; are you going to pay back your fellow renters if you keep the money?
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this is a legal question
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nta. the landlord can take this one on the chin. he fucked up and it isn’t your responsibility to fix it for him.
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yta. you owe one month's rent. some of that money belongs to the other people that lived with you. they paid you money for their part of the rent, so as you have not paid it, you technically have stollen the money from them. if the landlord says sod it, i'll take them to court, they will be a little pissed at getting into trouble when they paid you.
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yep, sounds like it unfortunately.
you're acknowledging you owe him the rent money. if he wasn't a decent landlord and not a dick other than not replying to emails or cashing checks quickly, i'd probably say nta. also, are you intending on paying back your housemates their amounts if you don't pay him? very important in the yta/nta debate
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apparently it's not a popular opinions but i think your the yta,
i don't know the law in your contry but in mine (france) a check is expired after 1 year but but if it's not cashed they still owe the money and you can engaged lawsuit if they refuse to pay.
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nta, i'm appalled that he actually lost a rent check.
i bet you didn't get your security deposit back, so it evens out 😂
|
esh*
why the landlord is an asshole - landlord should've cashed the check immediately just to push along and complete the transaction. but instead paid attention to them in a backwards fashion, causing more stress and work on your behalf of 1, paying extra attention to your balance and 2, having the responsibility of writing a whole new check.
why you're the asshole - money owed for services rendered is money owed for services rendered. i know we're in an age of anti-landlord rhetoric but come on. y'all stayed there. the money is owed. plain and simple. write a new check and call it a day. pocketing your room mates combined rent efforts just because the landlord made a mistake is a giant dickbag move.
|
you still owe the rent. in mosts states, the landlord has 2 -4 years to sue for back rent.
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even though he should have been more on top of things, im pretty sure you're still liable for the rent owing for that month. in which case, you should send the money (especially if you still have it). but you probably check what the law is in your area just to be sure.
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null | 0.744182
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was an undergrad i was renting a house with a few other guys off campus. every month i would collect rent from everyone in the house, put all the money in my bank account, then mail one check to the landlord (he insisted that we submit one check for the entire house). although it was sometimes a hassle to collect rent from four other people, i didn’t really mind being the one responsible for paying rent. however, the thing that did frustrate me is that the landlord would regularly wait to cash the rent check (sometimes up to 6-8 weeks). during this time the money would be sitting in my account and i would have to keep track of how much money i had for spending and how much money was waiting to be cashed in rent checks. so in the beginning of december of 2019 i sent the rent check to my landlord and by the end of the month i could see it still hadn’t been cashed. january 2020 comes around and i send the rent check for january. by the end of january i see that neither the december check, nor the january check had been cashed. so i emailed my landlord just to make sure he had received the checks. he never emailed me back (as usual) but i did see about a week later that he cashed the rent check for january. fast forward a few months, and the december check still hasn’t been cashed. at this point i think that maybe he lost the check or something so i never mention it again but i did keep the money in my account for about a year just in case. in june of 2021 our lease was up and we all decided to move out. about three weeks before the end of our lease, our landlord sends us an email and says that he found a rent check from december of 2019 that he never cashed. he told us that the check had expired and that he was going to return the old check and he wanted me to write a new one for the same amount. a few weeks later we all moved out and i never wrote my landlord a new check. i know that technically the rent money is his but i feel that i did my part in collecting the rent, paying the rent on time, and then reminding him of the check that wasn’t cashed. i feel that its his fault that he didn’t cash the check and it expired. however, months after we moved out he is still calling and emailing me about the money. aita for not writing a new check?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i was an undergrad i was renting a house with a few other guys off campus. every month i would collect rent from everyone in the house, put all the money in my bank account, then mail one check to the landlord (he insisted that we submit one check for the entire house). although it was sometimes a hassle to collect rent from four other people, i didn’t really mind being the one responsible for paying rent. however, the thing that did frustrate me is that the landlord would regularly wait to cash the rent check (sometimes up to 6-8 weeks). during this time the money would be sitting in my account and i would have to keep track of how much money i had for spending and how much money was waiting to be cashed in rent checks. so in the beginning of december of 2019 i sent the rent check to my landlord and by the end of the month i could see it still hadn’t been cashed. january 2020 comes around and i send the rent check for january. by the end of january i see that neither the december check, nor the january check had been cashed. so i emailed my landlord just to make sure he had received the checks. he never emailed me back (as usual) but i did see about a week later that he cashed the rent check for january. fast forward a few months, and the december check still hasn’t been cashed. at this point i think that maybe he lost the check or something so i never mention it again but i did keep the money in my account for about a year just in case. in june of 2021 our lease was up and we all decided to move out. about three weeks before the end of our lease, our landlord sends us an email and says that he found a rent check from december of 2019 that he never cashed. he told us that the check had expired and that he was going to return the old check and he wanted me to write a new one for the same amount. a few weeks later we all moved out and i never wrote my landlord a new check. i know that technically the rent money is his but i feel that i did my part in collecting the rent, paying the rent on time, and then reminding him of the check that wasn’t cashed. i feel that its his fault that he didn’t cash the check and it expired. however, months after we moved out he is still calling and emailing me about the money. aita for not writing a new check? [/INST] info; are you going to pay back your fellow renters if you keep the money? </s>
|
AITA for telling my son's girlfriend that she is stupid?
|
i have two adult children. my daughter has a five year old daughter and my son's girlfriend is pregnant with their first child. i've always got the impression that she doesn't like me, but that's fine. i don't particularly like her either but we are civil for my son's sake. i'm brazilian. i grew up in brazil and i go back once or twice a year to visit family.
i had both of my children over last night and i mentioned that when it is safe to travel i will be taking my granddaughter to brazil for the first time. my son's girlfriend said that she doesn't want her child going with me in the future, which is fine, her hypothetical child was never invited. then she said she doesn't want her child exposed to that culture.
i asked what she meant by that and she said she is worried about her daughter (she doesn't know what she is having yet) growing up around my culture because i've had multiple plastic surgeries, my daughter got a boob job for a graduation gift, and i'm vain. brazil does have a reputation for being the plastic surgery capital of the world, but it's not like i'm taking the five year old there to get a consultation. it is also a beautiful country with a culture that goes far beyond plastic surgery.
i told her she is incredibly stupid, borderline racist, and she doesn't have to worry about being taken on any trips. my husband said maybe we should take her and get something done about her chin (i did tell him that was an asshole thing to say) my son now wants me to apologize for calling her stupid.
| 16,573
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpvwup/aita_for_telling_my_sons_girlfriend_that_she_is/
|
2020-07-12 15:12:29
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esh, but especially to whomever made the comment about the chin surgery. ya'll need to sit in a circle and practice saying nice things to each other ffs.
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esh - you both sound insufferable, maybe avoid each other. she could have kept her opinion to herself or found a nice way of phrasing it. you sound like you were waiting for a reason to hate her more. you'd already planned on not including your second grandchild even so much as calling them her child.
>hypothetical
she pregnant the child isnt in anyway hypothetical theyre a given.
|
esh
you’re ta for calling her stupid etc and she sucks for only seeing the stereotype.
her child isn’t hypothetical, she’s pregnant.
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esh, this whole post is a solid thirty second cringe.
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oh look. another "liberal/feminist dil versus beautiful, vain mil" post.
yta.
|
esh. and you should definitely apologize for the stupid comment, but feel free to politely call her out on her racism. something like: “i should not have called you stupid, but you were insulting me and my culture. there is so much more to brasil than plastic surgery, and i hope you take the time to learn about it since it is your baby’s culture too.”
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i would hate to be a member of your family.
esh
|
esh. yeah, your sons girlfriends reaction was kinda racist, but come one, a plastic surgery as a graduation gift, and calling a pregnant woman stupid for overreacting over her child? thats pretty shitty.
|
esh!
wow, what a lot of toxicity going on here.
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esh. you're both pretty unkind to each other. be nicer.
|
ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.030375
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have two adult children. my daughter has a five year old daughter and my son's girlfriend is pregnant with their first child. i've always got the impression that she doesn't like me, but that's fine. i don't particularly like her either but we are civil for my son's sake. i'm brazilian. i grew up in brazil and i go back once or twice a year to visit family. i had both of my children over last night and i mentioned that when it is safe to travel i will be taking my granddaughter to brazil for the first time. my son's girlfriend said that she doesn't want her child going with me in the future, which is fine, her hypothetical child was never invited. then she said she doesn't want her child exposed to that culture. i asked what she meant by that and she said she is worried about her daughter (she doesn't know what she is having yet) growing up around my culture because i've had multiple plastic surgeries, my daughter got a boob job for a graduation gift, and i'm vain. brazil does have a reputation for being the plastic surgery capital of the world, but it's not like i'm taking the five year old there to get a consultation. it is also a beautiful country with a culture that goes far beyond plastic surgery. i told her she is incredibly stupid, borderline racist, and she doesn't have to worry about being taken on any trips. my husband said maybe we should take her and get something done about her chin (i did tell him that was an asshole thing to say) my son now wants me to apologize for calling her stupid.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have two adult children. my daughter has a five year old daughter and my son's girlfriend is pregnant with their first child. i've always got the impression that she doesn't like me, but that's fine. i don't particularly like her either but we are civil for my son's sake. i'm brazilian. i grew up in brazil and i go back once or twice a year to visit family. i had both of my children over last night and i mentioned that when it is safe to travel i will be taking my granddaughter to brazil for the first time. my son's girlfriend said that she doesn't want her child going with me in the future, which is fine, her hypothetical child was never invited. then she said she doesn't want her child exposed to that culture. i asked what she meant by that and she said she is worried about her daughter (she doesn't know what she is having yet) growing up around my culture because i've had multiple plastic surgeries, my daughter got a boob job for a graduation gift, and i'm vain. brazil does have a reputation for being the plastic surgery capital of the world, but it's not like i'm taking the five year old there to get a consultation. it is also a beautiful country with a culture that goes far beyond plastic surgery. i told her she is incredibly stupid, borderline racist, and she doesn't have to worry about being taken on any trips. my husband said maybe we should take her and get something done about her chin (i did tell him that was an asshole thing to say) my son now wants me to apologize for calling her stupid. [/INST] esh, but especially to whomever made the comment about the chin surgery. ya'll need to sit in a circle and practice saying nice things to each other ffs. </s>
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AITA for blasting my sister's insults about my kids names on social media?
|
my sister and i have always kinda been opposites in a lot of ways. she was closer to our dad while i was closer to our mom and we are more like the parent we are closer to. sometimes it led to some friction. she used to say mom and i had a weird obsession with being different. which for her came because mom gave me an unusual name which i loved, and because she and i were hugely into horror and video games which to her is teenage guy stuff.
my sister has one child so far and i have two. she and i hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 3 years but recently saw each other again at our parents house, for dad's birthday.
there she heard my kids names for the first time and said they were weird and why did i do that to my kids. i told her she had some nerve to insult my kids names. she told me she was trying to "save them". after the party she sent me a list of "normal names" that she wanted me to choose instead, and have the kids names changed legally. i told her i was not interested and to drop the subject. she proceeded to send message after message with insult, saying my kids were doomed, saying they would hate me, that they sounded like dumb hippies who would be bullied, rightly so, and that nature names are a dumb thing. that rose and lily are the kinds of nature names people should consider. not my kids names.
my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context.
i went to go block her and then saw her claim that i wanted my kids to suffer and she would laugh when they were tormented and turned out to hate me. so i took screenshots of it all and blasted it on social media because i felt she crossed a line, and that she had some sick mindset if having a different naming style than her would make her enjoy seeing my kids hate me because they are bullied. the post never went viral but those who know us did see and did call out my sister for it.
my sister flipped out on me and said i was a huge asshole and why would i publicly shame her like that. i told her she deserved it. she said i crossed a line. i don't normally do something like this. at all. so i have to ask aita?
| 9,856
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wo9a5s/aita_for_blasting_my_sisters_insults_about_my/
|
2022-08-14 15:40:28
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info it’s hard to say who’s in the wrong here without knowing the names.
> my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context.
if your daughter’s name is robin then your sister is the asshole. if your daughter’s name is tufted titmouse then you’re the asshole.
i’ll give you a pass on naming your son fiji, evian, or dasani. those are all fine names.
|
info: what are their names? raven and river hits differently than flamingo and estuary.
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nta.
your sister did cross a line. what i found particularly disgusting was the statement that your kids would be bullied for their names and "rightly so." she's seriously suggesting that any kids could *deserve* to be bullied, especially over something they have no control over, like what their parents name them?
and it sounds like your family supports you. so, instead of questioning her own actions, your sister blames you. sounds like she enjoys bullying others herself, based on the way she's acting.
frank zappa named his kids dweezil and moon unit. i'm sure they sobbed all the way to the bank.
my regards to little emu and geyser. (sorry, i couldn't resist.)
|
[deleted]
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info: how "out there" are the names? are they like "wren" and "river" or are they more like "yellow crested warbler" and "reservoir"?
keep flitting between n.t.a and e.s.h but definitely think your sister is the biggest ah in the scenario.
|
info: are your kids, like, wren and river (fine), raven and ocean (not unheard of but maybe a little cringe), or vulture and tsunami (weird and off-putting with negative connotations)?
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info- what are the kid's names? your sister sucks regardless but if you gave your kids terrible names then you suck too. if you named your kid mavis it's a tad old fashioned but still a legit name people will be able to recognize and pronounce. if you named your kid twiitey rahhbinn then that's just wrong.
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nta.
your sister, however, is ta. she's free to think what she likes about your kids' names - but she stepped over the line when she sent you that list, and she effing bulldozed the line when she started with the insults and capped it with that bit about you wanting your kids to suffer.
she deserves every bit of public shaming she gets.
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>my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context.
are their names zan and jayna?
|
so your sister didn't know your kids names? with the same parents? and being able to see each other's social media?
sure. that happened
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.230487
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i have always kinda been opposites in a lot of ways. she was closer to our dad while i was closer to our mom and we are more like the parent we are closer to. sometimes it led to some friction. she used to say mom and i had a weird obsession with being different. which for her came because mom gave me an unusual name which i loved, and because she and i were hugely into horror and video games which to her is teenage guy stuff. my sister has one child so far and i have two. she and i hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 3 years but recently saw each other again at our parents house, for dad's birthday. there she heard my kids names for the first time and said they were weird and why did i do that to my kids. i told her she had some nerve to insult my kids names. she told me she was trying to "save them". after the party she sent me a list of "normal names" that she wanted me to choose instead, and have the kids names changed legally. i told her i was not interested and to drop the subject. she proceeded to send message after message with insult, saying my kids were doomed, saying they would hate me, that they sounded like dumb hippies who would be bullied, rightly so, and that nature names are a dumb thing. that rose and lily are the kinds of nature names people should consider. not my kids names. my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context. i went to go block her and then saw her claim that i wanted my kids to suffer and she would laugh when they were tormented and turned out to hate me. so i took screenshots of it all and blasted it on social media because i felt she crossed a line, and that she had some sick mindset if having a different naming style than her would make her enjoy seeing my kids hate me because they are bullied. the post never went viral but those who know us did see and did call out my sister for it. my sister flipped out on me and said i was a huge asshole and why would i publicly shame her like that. i told her she deserved it. she said i crossed a line. i don't normally do something like this. at all. so i have to ask aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i have always kinda been opposites in a lot of ways. she was closer to our dad while i was closer to our mom and we are more like the parent we are closer to. sometimes it led to some friction. she used to say mom and i had a weird obsession with being different. which for her came because mom gave me an unusual name which i loved, and because she and i were hugely into horror and video games which to her is teenage guy stuff. my sister has one child so far and i have two. she and i hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 3 years but recently saw each other again at our parents house, for dad's birthday. there she heard my kids names for the first time and said they were weird and why did i do that to my kids. i told her she had some nerve to insult my kids names. she told me she was trying to "save them". after the party she sent me a list of "normal names" that she wanted me to choose instead, and have the kids names changed legally. i told her i was not interested and to drop the subject. she proceeded to send message after message with insult, saying my kids were doomed, saying they would hate me, that they sounded like dumb hippies who would be bullied, rightly so, and that nature names are a dumb thing. that rose and lily are the kinds of nature names people should consider. not my kids names. my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context. i went to go block her and then saw her claim that i wanted my kids to suffer and she would laugh when they were tormented and turned out to hate me. so i took screenshots of it all and blasted it on social media because i felt she crossed a line, and that she had some sick mindset if having a different naming style than her would make her enjoy seeing my kids hate me because they are bullied. the post never went viral but those who know us did see and did call out my sister for it. my sister flipped out on me and said i was a huge asshole and why would i publicly shame her like that. i told her she deserved it. she said i crossed a line. i don't normally do something like this. at all. so i have to ask aita? [/INST] info it’s hard to say who’s in the wrong here without knowing the names. > my daughter has a bird name and my son has a water name, for context. if your daughter’s name is robin then your sister is the asshole. if your daughter’s name is tufted titmouse then you’re the asshole. i’ll give you a pass on naming your son fiji, evian, or dasani. those are all fine names. </s>
|
AITA for renting my Airbnb house just days before my sister planned to stay there? It was part of our agreement but she says because of the timing, I'm a major asshole.
|
i guess where to start. this is a throwaway because i'm very active on the airbnb sub and i don't want people to misconstrue that this is somehow a backdoor advertisement for my place.
i'm 23, about 5 years ago i got a really nice inheritance from grandmother after years and years of probate. i am madly in love with this little ski town in northern new mexico so i went and bought a condo there. i use it whenever i can but to make it feasible i also put it on airbnb. it doesn't really make me any money but i figure i'm allowing other people to pay my equity and plus i have an awesome place i can use whenever i want.
i try to be generous with my family regarding the condo, but after years of it being on the airbnb market i finally had to tell people that i can't accept long term "free" reservations. it just happened too many times where all my friends and family would reserve big holidays or whatever months in advance and then not only would i miss out on the income from those big events, a few times they didn't even show or arrived late or left early. (to illustrate how big a deal this is, i make 80% of my yearly income payment over about 25 days of holidays...it's a huge deal to miss out on that income).
my sister and i are sisters for sure but we don't really get along that well. it's even more exacerbated because she blew through all of her inheritance in about two years and really doesn't have much to show for it. so my house is a major thorn in her side. in april she asked me if she could "reserve" my condo for 4th of july week. i told her i couldn't block it out on my airbnb calendar but as long as no one rented it, she could use it. i even looked through my texts and i even told her when we were talking about this "please understand that if someone rents it last minute, i have to be able to get the income." she agreed to that.
i thought it would be a non-issue because the place always rents well in advance for 4th of july but this year it didn't. she was supposed to drive up saturday the 29th. on friday the 28th i got a rental request for not only 4th of july week (at the premium price) they wanted to stay on through middle of september. this is thousands of dollars which will help me install a new hot water heater.
i told my sister that i was sorry but the place rented last minute so i had to let it go to the paying customer. well all hell broke loose. she screamed her head off at me saying that she had made non refundable rafting reservations, made special arrangements with her ex to get the kids that week and soured her relationship with her boss for extra vacation time.
i told her i was really sorry but that had been part of our agreement. she said i was a stupid bitch and our agreement meant that last minute meant like week prior, not the day prior. i hung up on her because i don't need to be called names. but then i got many calls from my other siblings and mom saying that i was really screwing my sister over.
was i the asshole?
| 3,994
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb2gp9/aita_for_renting_my_airbnb_house_just_days_before/
|
2019-07-09 15:37:42
|
esh i get what you are saying but honestly, you should have taken it off a few days before, cancelling the day before just sucks. at the same time, you warned her and she was clearly told that even a last-minute rental would boot her then it's on her for making non-refundable reservations. i don't blame you for taking the long term reservation given how much it will help financially. i wouldn't let family reserve it if they behave like that though.
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i would just stop letting your family stay there. full stop. i think day before was kind of crappy.
esh
|
nta. you were clear. i get why she’s disappointed but she shouldn’t have made non-refundable plans without a guaranteed place to stay.
|
esh. even though you did warn her, in this case, most people would assume "last minute" not to mean literally the day before when it comes to making travel arrangements. it was so last minute that she was probably already at least partially packed-- that is *really* last minute. both of you should have clarified what "last minute" meant. it's on both of you. i get why you rented it for the income and probably would have done the same given how long they wanted to rent it for, and your sister will hopefully understand that in time, but you did screw your sister over in the process. she has a right to feel angry here.
|
yta.
i'm gonna get downvoted, but so be it.
if you don't want people using your home for free, stop letting them use it for free. you said you were going to stop these reservations, why did you let your sister have it?
you could block it out on your airbnb. you just didn't want to. that's fine. but don't let people think they can have it if they can't. last minute isn't the day before. you gave her zero opportunity to get another place to stay. if she were to find something last minute, her budget for staying would have gone from menial to astronomical. it's just a dick move to have zero empathy for that situation.
yeah your sister might suck. you don't say why she sucks, but i'd call you a bitch too after you pulled that stunt.
|
ya, you should have told her to rent it through airbnb if she wanted it that week.
|
esh. while you told her that if someone wanted to rent you would, day before sucks. i agree with someone else who said you should have taken it off a couple days before
|
nta. you followed through on your agreement. it's not like you just changed your mind and didn't discuss this with her before. she's an ass for getting pissed at you over this when you gave her a week's notice and probably could find different accommodations, though she'd have to pay.
|
esh
your biggest mistake was mixing business and the family. most of the times it doesn't go well in case people involved are less appreciating and act entitled.
the sister ta for not checking with you and clarifying what is deadline for the last minute bookings also for not having backup plan in case something like this happens.
you're ta for enabling them with free reservations and for not clearly communicating
|
nta.
&#x200b;
you presented the rules, she only heard a "yes, ma'am" like you were her employee. you don't own anything to her and she doesn't get to spill new rules ("a week prior") to you. stay strong and don't retreat to her or your family's demands.
&#x200b;
> she said i was a stupid
if you give in to her, she might be right.
> but then i got many calls from my other siblings and mom saying that i was really screwing my sister over.
you depend on them for anything? if not, cut contact but before state that you'll be only talking to them again if they apologize for what they said.
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.679453
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i guess where to start. this is a throwaway because i'm very active on the airbnb sub and i don't want people to misconstrue that this is somehow a backdoor advertisement for my place. i'm 23, about 5 years ago i got a really nice inheritance from grandmother after years and years of probate. i am madly in love with this little ski town in northern new mexico so i went and bought a condo there. i use it whenever i can but to make it feasible i also put it on airbnb. it doesn't really make me any money but i figure i'm allowing other people to pay my equity and plus i have an awesome place i can use whenever i want. i try to be generous with my family regarding the condo, but after years of it being on the airbnb market i finally had to tell people that i can't accept long term "free" reservations. it just happened too many times where all my friends and family would reserve big holidays or whatever months in advance and then not only would i miss out on the income from those big events, a few times they didn't even show or arrived late or left early. (to illustrate how big a deal this is, i make 80% of my yearly income payment over about 25 days of holidays...it's a huge deal to miss out on that income). my sister and i are sisters for sure but we don't really get along that well. it's even more exacerbated because she blew through all of her inheritance in about two years and really doesn't have much to show for it. so my house is a major thorn in her side. in april she asked me if she could "reserve" my condo for 4th of july week. i told her i couldn't block it out on my airbnb calendar but as long as no one rented it, she could use it. i even looked through my texts and i even told her when we were talking about this "please understand that if someone rents it last minute, i have to be able to get the income." she agreed to that. i thought it would be a non-issue because the place always rents well in advance for 4th of july but this year it didn't. she was supposed to drive up saturday the 29th. on friday the 28th i got a rental request for not only 4th of july week (at the premium price) they wanted to stay on through middle of september. this is thousands of dollars which will help me install a new hot water heater. i told my sister that i was sorry but the place rented last minute so i had to let it go to the paying customer. well all hell broke loose. she screamed her head off at me saying that she had made non refundable rafting reservations, made special arrangements with her ex to get the kids that week and soured her relationship with her boss for extra vacation time. i told her i was really sorry but that had been part of our agreement. she said i was a stupid bitch and our agreement meant that last minute meant like week prior, not the day prior. i hung up on her because i don't need to be called names. but then i got many calls from my other siblings and mom saying that i was really screwing my sister over. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i guess where to start. this is a throwaway because i'm very active on the airbnb sub and i don't want people to misconstrue that this is somehow a backdoor advertisement for my place. i'm 23, about 5 years ago i got a really nice inheritance from grandmother after years and years of probate. i am madly in love with this little ski town in northern new mexico so i went and bought a condo there. i use it whenever i can but to make it feasible i also put it on airbnb. it doesn't really make me any money but i figure i'm allowing other people to pay my equity and plus i have an awesome place i can use whenever i want. i try to be generous with my family regarding the condo, but after years of it being on the airbnb market i finally had to tell people that i can't accept long term "free" reservations. it just happened too many times where all my friends and family would reserve big holidays or whatever months in advance and then not only would i miss out on the income from those big events, a few times they didn't even show or arrived late or left early. (to illustrate how big a deal this is, i make 80% of my yearly income payment over about 25 days of holidays...it's a huge deal to miss out on that income). my sister and i are sisters for sure but we don't really get along that well. it's even more exacerbated because she blew through all of her inheritance in about two years and really doesn't have much to show for it. so my house is a major thorn in her side. in april she asked me if she could "reserve" my condo for 4th of july week. i told her i couldn't block it out on my airbnb calendar but as long as no one rented it, she could use it. i even looked through my texts and i even told her when we were talking about this "please understand that if someone rents it last minute, i have to be able to get the income." she agreed to that. i thought it would be a non-issue because the place always rents well in advance for 4th of july but this year it didn't. she was supposed to drive up saturday the 29th. on friday the 28th i got a rental request for not only 4th of july week (at the premium price) they wanted to stay on through middle of september. this is thousands of dollars which will help me install a new hot water heater. i told my sister that i was sorry but the place rented last minute so i had to let it go to the paying customer. well all hell broke loose. she screamed her head off at me saying that she had made non refundable rafting reservations, made special arrangements with her ex to get the kids that week and soured her relationship with her boss for extra vacation time. i told her i was really sorry but that had been part of our agreement. she said i was a stupid bitch and our agreement meant that last minute meant like week prior, not the day prior. i hung up on her because i don't need to be called names. but then i got many calls from my other siblings and mom saying that i was really screwing my sister over. was i the asshole? [/INST] esh i get what you are saying but honestly, you should have taken it off a few days before, cancelling the day before just sucks. at the same time, you warned her and she was clearly told that even a last-minute rental would boot her then it's on her for making non-refundable reservations. i don't blame you for taking the long term reservation given how much it will help financially. i wouldn't let family reserve it if they behave like that though. </s>
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AITA for choosing to not get involved when my daughter threw away my wife's shampoo collection?
|
for context: i 39, got married to my wife "nelly" 36, months ago. i have to say that nelly and my daughter (her stepdaughter) "megan" 16, never gotten along. they have lots of disagreements and nothing in common and it was obvious since the first say they met but i didn't do anything about it thinking they'd move past their differences and warm up to each other the longer they spend time together. i was wrong because once we moved in together the fights got worse. nelly would complain from megan throwing away stuff of her's just because she thought it didn't belong there. it's been basically a mouse and cat game and i've lost track on who's right and who's wrong. i did try tk establish some boundaries to try to bring back peace to my home and had them agree that each stays in their own lane and not bother each other. nelly said that i was wrong tk think that what megan is doing is okay but i told her to let it slide.
nelly has especial type of haircare products for her sensitive hair. shampoo, conditioner etc etc. she put them in the bathroom but megan ended up throwing them away saying that nelly had no right to store her products in the bathroom cause it's not her house. to keep the peace i asked nelly to just keep her stuff in the bedroom and take it with her whenever she wants to take a shower to which she agreed.
last night nelly took a shower and forgot her hair products in the bathroom. megan ended up going in there and then the shampoo collection was gone. nelly freaked out and then had a fight after megan told her she dumped them out saying she already warned her about leaving her stuff laying around in the bathroom. nelly broke down and when i said i choose to stay out of this because of how petty it was, she blew up at me. she yelled about how i keep letting megan get away with bad attitude and unjustified misbehavior. told me to stop enabling her and start setting consequences for her actions. i told her she shouldve been more careful knowing how megan is so i feel like this was preventable. but she said that she forgot her stuff there and didn't think megan would go that far.
we had an argument and that was it. megan is acting nonchalant sdespite me talking to her and nelly went tj stay with her parents saying i need to step up and do something.
| 13,659
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vtqorz/aita_for_choosing_to_not_get_involved_when_my/
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2022-07-07 19:22:42
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yta here absolutely. she’s your child, you should be acting like a parent. why would you act like they should work it out when it’s literally your house and your child.
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yta. prepare to be a divorcee.
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looool yes yta!!!
"she yelled about how i keep letting megan get away with bad attitude and unjustified misbehavior. told me to stop enabling her and start setting consequences for her actions. i told her she shouldve been more careful knowing how megan is but she said that she forgot her stuff there and didn't think megan would go that far."
your wife is 100% right. what you're allowing is unacceptable.
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[removed]
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yta big time! just to be clear, you're okay with your daughter telling your wife she doesn't have the right to keep shampoo in her bathroom because she doesn't belong? thats keeping the peace?
your daughter ruined your wifes property and you stayed out of it? you're enabling your daughter to keep this up. your wife should run, she is clearly not a priority to you and not welcome in her own home.
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yta. is this for real? you let your 16 year old daughter dictate where your wife keeps her shampoo, you let her say it's not your wife's house, you let her get away with throwing stuff away?
it's past time to address this directly. apologize to your wife, set clear boundaries for your daughter, and follow through.
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yup, yta and you've done nothing as a dad and husband to help create a happy home.
you let your daughter run the house and get away with being totally shitty towards your new wife. you 100% need to step up, set 'real' boundaries for your daughter, and maybe do some family counselling. a great way to start is by telling them both 'i am a huge ah for how i've handled the blending of our family. i want to help make it right for you both'.
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yta for obvious bait, no one is this dumb.
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yta. you should back your wife - imagine if this was reversed and she had a child throwing your things out because 'it's not your house'. obviously megan is young and not taking this very well, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour and you shouldn't let it slide.
i actually feel sorry for your wife. as a husband you should be supporting her as it is clearly making her upset to the point of breaking down. 'keeping out of it' isn't really an option here. it's not her biological daughter and megan clearly does not respect her as a parental figure, thus, you have to step in.
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just so we’re clear, you’re letting your teenage daughter terrorize your wife without even *attempting* to course-correct because you can’t be bothered to parent her? you might as well start referring to “nelly” as your soon-to-be-ex wife because there’s no way in hell she’s going to stick around when you’ve shown her that you don’t have her back *at all.*
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i 39, got married to my wife "nelly" 36, months ago. i have to say that nelly and my daughter (her stepdaughter) "megan" 16, never gotten along. they have lots of disagreements and nothing in common and it was obvious since the first say they met but i didn't do anything about it thinking they'd move past their differences and warm up to each other the longer they spend time together. i was wrong because once we moved in together the fights got worse. nelly would complain from megan throwing away stuff of her's just because she thought it didn't belong there. it's been basically a mouse and cat game and i've lost track on who's right and who's wrong. i did try tk establish some boundaries to try to bring back peace to my home and had them agree that each stays in their own lane and not bother each other. nelly said that i was wrong tk think that what megan is doing is okay but i told her to let it slide. nelly has especial type of haircare products for her sensitive hair. shampoo, conditioner etc etc. she put them in the bathroom but megan ended up throwing them away saying that nelly had no right to store her products in the bathroom cause it's not her house. to keep the peace i asked nelly to just keep her stuff in the bedroom and take it with her whenever she wants to take a shower to which she agreed. last night nelly took a shower and forgot her hair products in the bathroom. megan ended up going in there and then the shampoo collection was gone. nelly freaked out and then had a fight after megan told her she dumped them out saying she already warned her about leaving her stuff laying around in the bathroom. nelly broke down and when i said i choose to stay out of this because of how petty it was, she blew up at me. she yelled about how i keep letting megan get away with bad attitude and unjustified misbehavior. told me to stop enabling her and start setting consequences for her actions. i told her she shouldve been more careful knowing how megan is so i feel like this was preventable. but she said that she forgot her stuff there and didn't think megan would go that far. we had an argument and that was it. megan is acting nonchalant sdespite me talking to her and nelly went tj stay with her parents saying i need to step up and do something.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i 39, got married to my wife "nelly" 36, months ago. i have to say that nelly and my daughter (her stepdaughter) "megan" 16, never gotten along. they have lots of disagreements and nothing in common and it was obvious since the first say they met but i didn't do anything about it thinking they'd move past their differences and warm up to each other the longer they spend time together. i was wrong because once we moved in together the fights got worse. nelly would complain from megan throwing away stuff of her's just because she thought it didn't belong there. it's been basically a mouse and cat game and i've lost track on who's right and who's wrong. i did try tk establish some boundaries to try to bring back peace to my home and had them agree that each stays in their own lane and not bother each other. nelly said that i was wrong tk think that what megan is doing is okay but i told her to let it slide. nelly has especial type of haircare products for her sensitive hair. shampoo, conditioner etc etc. she put them in the bathroom but megan ended up throwing them away saying that nelly had no right to store her products in the bathroom cause it's not her house. to keep the peace i asked nelly to just keep her stuff in the bedroom and take it with her whenever she wants to take a shower to which she agreed. last night nelly took a shower and forgot her hair products in the bathroom. megan ended up going in there and then the shampoo collection was gone. nelly freaked out and then had a fight after megan told her she dumped them out saying she already warned her about leaving her stuff laying around in the bathroom. nelly broke down and when i said i choose to stay out of this because of how petty it was, she blew up at me. she yelled about how i keep letting megan get away with bad attitude and unjustified misbehavior. told me to stop enabling her and start setting consequences for her actions. i told her she shouldve been more careful knowing how megan is so i feel like this was preventable. but she said that she forgot her stuff there and didn't think megan would go that far. we had an argument and that was it. megan is acting nonchalant sdespite me talking to her and nelly went tj stay with her parents saying i need to step up and do something. [/INST] yta here absolutely. she’s your child, you should be acting like a parent. why would you act like they should work it out when it’s literally your house and your child. </s>
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AITA for expecting my step-daughter to cover the costs of items broken under her care?
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my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care.
i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed.
ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy.
am i being unfair here? aita?
**
| 7,792
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ow0uf2/aita_for_expecting_my_stepdaughter_to_cover_the/
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2021-08-01 21:32:54
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yta. if you don't like the way she babysits your daughter then parent your own child.
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yta. you lost me at “actual daughter.”
how about you hire a babysitter instead of forcing your stepdaughter to take care of your actual daughter so you can go out.
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[deleted]
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yta. if it was expensive and fragile, then it should have never been in a place where it would be subject to willow’s rambunctiousness.
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yta. willow is the one who broke it and you expect your stepdaughter to cover the costs. if you know that willow is rambunctious and liable to break things then maybe it was a poor choice to buy something fragile and expensive and leave it someplace willow has access to. that’s on you.
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yta , sounds like your “ actual” daughter is the problem. does your fake daughter even get paid to babysit the terror?
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yta
ashley didn't break it. your daughter did. i hope ashley is at least getting paid to babysit your terror child. you know your child is destructive. anything your daughter destroys is your responsibility.
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yta. the way you stated “my actual daughter” made me automatically know you would be the asshole, and low and behold….
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yta.
quickly tell her she owes you nothing and apologize for your actions. you should be embarrassed by this.
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yta. teach your "actual" daughter to behave. if she can't be trusted around breakable things you shouldn't have them on display. this should be a learning moment for you, not ashley.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care. i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed. ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy. am i being unfair here? aita? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care. i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed. ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy. am i being unfair here? aita? ** [/INST] yta. if you don't like the way she babysits your daughter then parent your own child. </s>
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WIBTA for wanting to use my late best friends sperm to conceive a child with my wife.
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i'm infertile and i am considering starting a family with my wife. we have had long discussion on using donor sperm. we have received lots of input from friends and family to consider our options. we are leaning heavily towards using anonymous sperm but some people have suggested using someone we know.
i have known my late best friend since we were 5 years old. he tragically passed away in motor accident around 2 years ago. i recently caught up with his wife and told her about my situation. they had their first child naturally and the second child via ivf. she then offered me the remaining sperm samples as she planned to stop paying for the storage. i consulted my wife with this option and she was happy to consider it if it was what i wanted. the only opposition to this is coming from my wife's parents who recommend someone alive and in our circle. i'm against this. unfortunately, word spread to my best friends mother who is also against this as she is doesn't like the idea of having a biological grandchild she will never meet. despite this, wibta for taking up the offer?
| 1,594
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpbrc9/wibta_for_wanting_to_use_my_late_best_friends/
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2019-08-12 12:33:33
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info. did your friend donate sperm to a fertility clinic, or just store sperm for his own ivf treatments?
to me it's a consent issue. if he donated sperm for the purpose of having his own child, it's not for you to use, even if his widow says it's ok.
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nah - the situation is not really as complicated as it may seem. if your wife, his former wife and you are okay with it, then i think it is a pretty awesome legacy.
no one else really has to know, or gets a vote, really. i may suggest not to use someone alive and in your circle, because the laws around sperm donors are a bit complex as far as child support.
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i'm going to say nah, though i'm on the fence about it. i do think that you should take his mother's feelings into consideration. if you were best friends for so long, why couldn't your child have a relationship with her?
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nah as this is a really sensitive subject. it’s easy to see both sides, but if you and your wife are in agreement and your deceased friend’s wife actually suggested it then it’s your decision. you can respectfully listen to the dissenters but it’s really not their business at all and your decision to make.
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nah. his wife is really kind to offer this to you, and it’s an incredible gift. you’re not a bad person for wanting to accept, and your wife seems alright with it.
however, i do think that his mother should also get a say in this. i don’t know anything about the legality of this thing—i would think that his wife’s consent would be what you’d need, but r/legaladvice would be a better resource for that. but legalities aside, as a mom i can definitely see why she would be uncomfortable with her deceased son’s sperm being used by someone else. is there a reason she couldn’t have a relationship with your kid? like, as a bonus grandparent or something?
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yta not for all of it. i can understand you wanting to use your best friend as a donor, that is a beautiful thought and i can understand why you would consider it. however, if his mum is against it, then that is adding a tragedy that she should not have to endure. she has already lost a child unexeptedly and now she will have a grandchild which she is not connected to, which creates an additional stress for her. i do not think your best mate would want you to cause his mum stress.
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nah - i can see where everyone's coming from and they all seem to be coming from a good place, so no a-holes here.
but, leaving aside the legal side of things (since that's not what this sub's about), i think it comes down to two issues:
1) is this what your friend would have wanted, both for himself and knowing how it would affect his mother?
2) do you want your child's existance to be a source of pain for your best friend's mother?
i can understand why you'd want to do this, but i really think you should consider sperm that doesn't come with this emotional/ethical baggage (for want of a better phrase).
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nah
i think this is really sweet. it's a way of keeping your friend alive in the world. who cares what the in laws think its not their baby. a non living sperm donor also means there is no need to wonder if they're out there.
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i can see all sides of this story, and i'm sorry for your situation, but yta.
it's just an issue of consent, your best friend donated for the sole reason to get his wife pregnant. now that he has passed, he is unable to consent to the use of his sperm for other parties. since they were keeping the samples, i doubt that he wanted to donate the rest of them to be used for other conceptions.
i know it's a difficult spot you're in, but you can use any other donor sperm, and instead want to use your dead best friend's sperm without his permission? since you're his best friend, is this something he would have wanted? you honestly probably know best, but even then it's not his definitive answer. put yourself in his shoes, would you be comfortable knowing you impregnated your best friends wife after you passed?
like you stated in your comments, you have no idea what the legalities even are. also, you already have pushback on this idea from wife's parents. you don't need to use donor sperm from your close circle, but you do need to get the sperm that was consensually donated for you, and it doesn't sound like that's the case here. i'm also concerned about your friend's wife, if you get her involved in the pregnancy and child's life she may see it as her child. her suggesting this may just be her grief coming out, wanting to raise another child with a late spouse is natural, but by proceeding you may make her grief manifest in unhealthy ways. i wouldn't want to gamble with her emotions like that, it's not fair to her and her healing process.
it might seem like a blessing from above now, and i'm sure you're both elated, but it can cause a lot of issues in the future.
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nta sounds like a really nice idea. don't know why the opinions of grandparents would take precedence over the people who are actually involved.
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INFO
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.4098
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm infertile and i am considering starting a family with my wife. we have had long discussion on using donor sperm. we have received lots of input from friends and family to consider our options. we are leaning heavily towards using anonymous sperm but some people have suggested using someone we know. i have known my late best friend since we were 5 years old. he tragically passed away in motor accident around 2 years ago. i recently caught up with his wife and told her about my situation. they had their first child naturally and the second child via ivf. she then offered me the remaining sperm samples as she planned to stop paying for the storage. i consulted my wife with this option and she was happy to consider it if it was what i wanted. the only opposition to this is coming from my wife's parents who recommend someone alive and in our circle. i'm against this. unfortunately, word spread to my best friends mother who is also against this as she is doesn't like the idea of having a biological grandchild she will never meet. despite this, wibta for taking up the offer?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm infertile and i am considering starting a family with my wife. we have had long discussion on using donor sperm. we have received lots of input from friends and family to consider our options. we are leaning heavily towards using anonymous sperm but some people have suggested using someone we know. i have known my late best friend since we were 5 years old. he tragically passed away in motor accident around 2 years ago. i recently caught up with his wife and told her about my situation. they had their first child naturally and the second child via ivf. she then offered me the remaining sperm samples as she planned to stop paying for the storage. i consulted my wife with this option and she was happy to consider it if it was what i wanted. the only opposition to this is coming from my wife's parents who recommend someone alive and in our circle. i'm against this. unfortunately, word spread to my best friends mother who is also against this as she is doesn't like the idea of having a biological grandchild she will never meet. despite this, wibta for taking up the offer? [/INST] info. did your friend donate sperm to a fertility clinic, or just store sperm for his own ivf treatments? to me it's a consent issue. if he donated sperm for the purpose of having his own child, it's not for you to use, even if his widow says it's ok. </s>
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AITA for “snubbing” my future niece for flower girl and choosing my dog instead?
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hi all
throwaway because my future sil uses reddit and knows my main account.
i’m getting married this summer. my fiancé and i have been together for about five years, engaged for one. generally, everyone in both our families has been laid back and supportive of our choices for the wedding, so it’s making me think i’m actually ta in this situation.
my fiancé’s brother and sil have 3yo twins- a boy and a girl. they’re adorable and i love them so much. my fiancé and i always babysit, go over just to play with them, and generally spend as much time as possible with them. we have a great relationship.
so the time came to choose a ring bearer and flower girl. i don’t have any children on my side of the family, so fiancé’s nephew was the perfect choice.
for flower girl, however, i had always had the vision of letting fiancé and my dog fill the role. she’s properly trained and really important to us. i adopted her when fiancé and i first started dating and he quickly fell in love with her and started taking care of her like she was his dog too. so basically she’s been around our entire relationship and as weird as it sounds, we see her as a daughter. we can’t imagine our wedding without her.
when i told sil, i made sure to mention that we could possibly find another role for niece (i just didn’t know what yet), but sil was livid. saying how could i value a dog over her daughter etc. and saying it wasn’t fair to have nephew in the wedding without niece. she said that it would hurt niece’s feelings, but niece is three. she won’t even understand what’s happening. i even suggested letting niece walk down with my dog as co-flower girls (plus an adult to help both of them down the aisle), but sil hates the breed of my dog and thinks it’d be too dangerous.
i honestly don’t know what to do in this situation because while my niece is absolutely adorable, our dog is important to us too. the rest of fiancé’s family thinks that while it’s ultimately our choice, that we should do the “right thing” and just give niece the job. aita?
| 992
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f7s19c/aita_for_snubbing_my_future_niece_for_flower_girl/
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2020-02-22 12:39:20
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info why couldn’t you just have picked the dog and left out both kids? didn’t you think about how picking only nephew would look?
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yta. you should choose your niece. she's 3. she will understand what's going on and it will hurt her feelings. her twin gets to do something special and fun and dress up and be in the pictures and she does not. she might not get another chance to be a little flower girl. if i was the mother, i would be livid, too.
it'a great that your dog is special to you. but a wedding is no place for a dog. use him in a pre-wedding photo shoot or something else.
people like to say "your wedding, your choice" as a reason to support all behaviors. but have you taken into consideration how guests might feel about a dog at a wedding? allergies, getting jumped on in nice clothes, being scared of dogs, someone having to watch it, take it to the bathroom, feed it. are you really going to ask someone to be a dogsitter and a guest? do you think you will want to be distracted at your own wedding taking care of your dog? you say it is trained but can you guarantee 100% that it won't do something given the crowd of strangers? is the venue even pet friendly?
put the twins in the wedding together and leave the dog at home.
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yta thinking a three year old will absolutely not understand it is very big assumption that i am not willing to confirm. if the niece will not understand it not now. she will in the future when people are talking about your wedding and how her brother and a dog that has long died were chosen over her. you can pick only the dog. but not the brother and exclude her out making her feel left out.
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yta, but only because you are including one twin and not the other. they may not really understand whats going on, but your neice will notice if her brother gets a big part with a lot of attention, and she gets to sit in the aisles. that isn't fair to your neice. especially with twins- both of them have to be included, or neither of them should participate.
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yta for having one twin and not the other. you could have just had the dog as an alternative. now it's just unnecessarily dramatic.
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your wedding, your rules and all of that but your wedding is one day and your relationship with your niece (and extended family) is forever.
yta - your niece will definitely “get it” she won’t be able to articulate it but she will understand that she has been excluded. the fact that her twin is included is just salt in the wound. as she grows up, she will see pictures from your wedding with her twin brother no less and she will ask/wonder where she is.
either include both kids and the dog or just include the dog.
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eh... while i'm usually all about your wedding your choice... in this case, yta.
don't be surprised if your sil refuses to let either child be involved. you chose one twin and did put value in your dog over the other. she may be 3 and doesnt understand what's going on, but if her brother is in it and shes not shes not going to understand why he's getting all this attention and she's not.
you've tried to make compromise, but it's a little too late when you've already essentially insulted them.
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why don't you let the twins be the ring bearers why does it have to be just a boy? they can walk down together and your dog can be the flower dog or whatever.... i don't understand why people put animals in weddings but it's your wedding so you can do what you want .... your kinda nta, sil kinda over reacted, but she's probably just feels like you're not treating her children equally.
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yta- how exactly is your dog going to fill the role of flower girl? she doesn’t have opposable thumbs which makes it difficult to spread the rose petals. you’re 3 year old niece can actually fulfill the role. just have someone walk your dog down the aisle before you so the dog is part of the wedding while the humans do jobs they can actually perform
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your wedding your rules. however i do think that offering your nephew an official position and then saying to your niece "we'll find something for you" so that you can give her position to a dog, pushes this into yta territory. if i were your niece or her mom i would feel like the position was an afterthought. but then again she's 3.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.057628
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all throwaway because my future sil uses reddit and knows my main account. i’m getting married this summer. my fiancé and i have been together for about five years, engaged for one. generally, everyone in both our families has been laid back and supportive of our choices for the wedding, so it’s making me think i’m actually ta in this situation. my fiancé’s brother and sil have 3yo twins- a boy and a girl. they’re adorable and i love them so much. my fiancé and i always babysit, go over just to play with them, and generally spend as much time as possible with them. we have a great relationship. so the time came to choose a ring bearer and flower girl. i don’t have any children on my side of the family, so fiancé’s nephew was the perfect choice. for flower girl, however, i had always had the vision of letting fiancé and my dog fill the role. she’s properly trained and really important to us. i adopted her when fiancé and i first started dating and he quickly fell in love with her and started taking care of her like she was his dog too. so basically she’s been around our entire relationship and as weird as it sounds, we see her as a daughter. we can’t imagine our wedding without her. when i told sil, i made sure to mention that we could possibly find another role for niece (i just didn’t know what yet), but sil was livid. saying how could i value a dog over her daughter etc. and saying it wasn’t fair to have nephew in the wedding without niece. she said that it would hurt niece’s feelings, but niece is three. she won’t even understand what’s happening. i even suggested letting niece walk down with my dog as co-flower girls (plus an adult to help both of them down the aisle), but sil hates the breed of my dog and thinks it’d be too dangerous. i honestly don’t know what to do in this situation because while my niece is absolutely adorable, our dog is important to us too. the rest of fiancé’s family thinks that while it’s ultimately our choice, that we should do the “right thing” and just give niece the job. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all throwaway because my future sil uses reddit and knows my main account. i’m getting married this summer. my fiancé and i have been together for about five years, engaged for one. generally, everyone in both our families has been laid back and supportive of our choices for the wedding, so it’s making me think i’m actually ta in this situation. my fiancé’s brother and sil have 3yo twins- a boy and a girl. they’re adorable and i love them so much. my fiancé and i always babysit, go over just to play with them, and generally spend as much time as possible with them. we have a great relationship. so the time came to choose a ring bearer and flower girl. i don’t have any children on my side of the family, so fiancé’s nephew was the perfect choice. for flower girl, however, i had always had the vision of letting fiancé and my dog fill the role. she’s properly trained and really important to us. i adopted her when fiancé and i first started dating and he quickly fell in love with her and started taking care of her like she was his dog too. so basically she’s been around our entire relationship and as weird as it sounds, we see her as a daughter. we can’t imagine our wedding without her. when i told sil, i made sure to mention that we could possibly find another role for niece (i just didn’t know what yet), but sil was livid. saying how could i value a dog over her daughter etc. and saying it wasn’t fair to have nephew in the wedding without niece. she said that it would hurt niece’s feelings, but niece is three. she won’t even understand what’s happening. i even suggested letting niece walk down with my dog as co-flower girls (plus an adult to help both of them down the aisle), but sil hates the breed of my dog and thinks it’d be too dangerous. i honestly don’t know what to do in this situation because while my niece is absolutely adorable, our dog is important to us too. the rest of fiancé’s family thinks that while it’s ultimately our choice, that we should do the “right thing” and just give niece the job. aita? [/INST] info why couldn’t you just have picked the dog and left out both kids? didn’t you think about how picking only nephew would look? </s>
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AITA for refusing to drop charges against a 16 yo?
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my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car.
before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal.
last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running.
now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice.
**little
| 27,007
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxhbiu/aita_for_refusing_to_drop_charges_against_a_16_yo/
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2021-09-28 22:14:13
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nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes.
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nta let's do the gender reverse test.
a sixteen year old boy is broken up with by his girlfriend and sends her a bunch of letters, gifts, and eventually breaks into her house and bedroom.
she's turned into a stalker op and you need to protect your brother from her.
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she *broke into your home*. nta.
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nta. what your brother’s ex was doing is not an innocent behavior, it’s quite literally stalking and harassing him. this could devolve into something more dangerous, and it’s good that you did something about it
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nta that’s stalking. it doesn’t matter how sweet her intentions are, that’s what she’s doing. her youth and femininity do not give her a pass. she was told to stop. she did not. instead, she displayed a clear pattern of escalating behavior. there’s no reason to believe she won’t decide to take it further if she gets away with this.
this is a life lesson she needs to learn. it doesn’t matter how harsh anyone else thinks it is. you don’t break into someone’s home and play victim when there are consequences.
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nta. if the genders were switched, this would be lifetime's movie of the week.
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nta. this is traumatizing as hell for your brother. he's always going to be worried about the next gf doing something as creepy as this. he needs therapy to discuss this and realize this is not normal. also, maybe consider a restraining order? what's she's doing is harassment and if it was gender-reversed your husband wouldn't think you were overreacting one little bit.
she also needs to get her shit together. she's a minor. this will be wiped clean when she turns 18. this is the wake up call she needs to back the fuck up.
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nta
i am thinking the next thing would be to find a rabbit in the stockpot on the stove. that would have really showed her love.
when someone breaks up with you, that isn't an invitation to stalk them and just not take no for an answer. if you let her get away scott free, then you are enabling her, and she will continue the behavior.
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she’s stalking him and you’re protecting him, as you should. nta.
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nta. that is stalker behavior. i would also consider a restraining/no contact order as well
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. **little
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. **little [/INST] nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes. </s>
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AITA For not switching places with my friend and ruining her life
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this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it.
a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time)
well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her.
i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me.
so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
| 23,456
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5gpw6/aita_for_not_switching_places_with_my_friend_and/
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2021-01-26 15:51:45
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nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself.
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no. don’t drive without a license. she wasn’t even doing something heroic... she was running errands, if daya is this mean to you, she’s not a good friend. this isn’t a white lie, this is literally not having a license or insurance, doing some dumb show off car run, being in an ma program and getting her mom and friends to gang up on you; find better friends
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nta
she ruined her own life. she and her mom chose to be irresponsible. not only did they do something illegal but then asked you to do something illegal.
block her on all platforms. if she continues to harass you because she’s an idiot that did idiotic things, tell her you’ll inform the police that you are being harassed.
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>now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places.
you don't need any of those people in your life.
**nta** and i'm sad that for one moment you even considered you were one.
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“aita for not volunteering to commit [several crimes](https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/crime-penalties/lie-police-friend.htm) for a friend and her mother who were breaking the law?”
nta
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nta
not in any way at all.
she's been massively selfish, first in just thinking she has the right to drive around without a license or insurance. absolute ah thing to do. secondly in just assuming you would carry the can for her. *maybe* if you'd gone a long with it there wouldn't have been any consequences, maybe there would. you could have been charged wit dangerous driving or for perverting the course of justice. it's not on you to take that risk all because of her stupidity.
imagine having the balls to call *you* a privileged bitch! this girl sounds like she just swans around thinking the world owes her a favour and none of her actions should have consequences.
her life isn't ruined. maybe she's going to pay a high price and learn a pretty tough lesson but that's fair. it's up to her to learn that lesson, be a better person, and put this behind her.
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nta
so she did several illegal things, that are each a big no no
- driving without a license
- driving a car without registration
- driving without insurance
she and her mom definitely should have known better than doing/allowing that.
she also risked your life by letting you get into the car with her under false premises because i suspect you thought she had actual, you know, training how to drive safely and a license to show she did.
and she, her mom and those bullys now say your ta because you refused to do other illegal things on top of that? doesn't work like that!
also you did the absolute right thing. you could have gotten in serious legal trouble switching places with her because aside from the lying to the police then you would have been the one driving without registration and insurance. also, seeing there is no insurance, the cost of the damage would have legally been on you. seeing what a peach your friend and her mother are, you can't be sure they wouldn't have let you sit on that.
also, she got in legal trouble and kicked out of school because of a decision she made. even if it wasn't so detrimental for you to do so you're under no moral obligation to safe her from the consequences of her own actions.
i would seriously cut contact. friend and mom sound super toxic. find a friend who won't get you into trouble.
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nta; if you had lied and it came to light at any point, you would be charged for a lot of things and would get in trouble financially and legally.
also it's not about privilege since apparently your friend could afford a license, she just didn't feel like it. well maybe if she had, she wouldn't have hit the other car because she would have learned how to drive with a proper instructor.
looks like it's the consequences of her own actions. she should have thought of all that before doing something both illegal and extremely dangerous. there's a reason people \*learn\* how to drive; it's not as easy as it looks on the outside.
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nta.
>well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
she did this herself
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nta
you didn’t ruin her life. daya ruined her own life. period.
the bad news here is that you have lost daya as a friend, though i’m not sure you would want a friend like that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her? [/INST] nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself. </s>
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AITA for offering my son to change his name if he wants to?
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i (36m, american) lost my wife to covid 2 years ago (she was 33f, japanese). i worked in japan when i met her 8 years ago and stayed there. she was a single mom to a boy (who is now 10yro) and i adopted him after we got married. i am now his only parent.
we moved to the us for my job a year ago. he loves it here (seattle), he has some friends, his english is perfect and we still go to japan for holidays 2 times a year (to see his maternal grandparents who live there).
he has a japanese name that sounds a lot like an english curse word. so he has been getting bullied in school a lot. he is starting a different school in the fall, and he is scared the bullying will just continue there.
i told him i love his name, and his mother chose it because it has a lot of meaning in japanese. but nevertheless, if he wants to change his name (like add an american middle name) and go by the new name, we can do that.
he was happy that he has this option. he said he will think about it. his maternal grandparents are absolutely outraged, called me an ah, and said i am americanizing my son.
aita?
| 4,392
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vjm007/aita_for_offering_my_son_to_change_his_name_if_he/
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2022-06-24 11:13:40
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nah maybe meet with his new teachers beforehand to discuss using an english name for your son. lots of first gen asian american kids have an english nickname they use in school without legally changing their names. it's a good compromise imo without doing anything official, and if he wants to as an adult he can legally change it.
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going with nah. i’m sorry for your loss and i think you’re doing the right thing in letting your son add a new name that will help him have an easier life in school. you definitely aren’t an ah. in my country it’s extremely hard to change your name and i‘d encourage anyone who can to choose a name for themselves if they don’t like theirs.
but i‘m also not prepared to call his grandparents ahs. they lost their daughter and their grandchild is far away. while it’s not rational at all, it’s emotionally understandable that they feel giving him a different name is slicing away at his mother’s heritage.
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nah
i'm chinese, and i wasn't born in the us, and as a result i have a name that is very difficult for westerners to pronounce. during grade school my mom ran into lots of issues with people messing up my name and misspelling it (teachers included) so a friend of hers suggested a western name for me to use. i used that name all throughout grade school. once i got into college, i decided that i didn't think that name fitted me anymore, but people still couldn't pronounce my full name. my chinese name is a two character name so it has an easy place to split it (although i think in japanese the split can be harder) think like xiaoming can be split as xiao and ming. so i just used the back half of my name as a nickname, so like ming. in both circumstances, fortunately people were not assholes about it and i had no problems using either names.
whenever i go back to china, my relatives just use my chinese name. when i'm at my parents house they also use my chinese name. your son isn't loosing anything, but rather gaining another facet of his identity. although that can be kinda difficult for older asian generations to accept. i'm forever going to be one of the "american cousins" because i lived a good chunk of my life in america.
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nta if it makes your son happy then that's all that matters. his grandparents should be ashamed that they'd rather him continue being bullied and feeling hurt.
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nta. you’re just adding a name, not taking his given name away. it gives him the option of using either name as he gets older.
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nta for letting him know it’s his name and what he wants to do with it is his choice, but he’s 10. the teasing on that basis will likely fade, and his desire to strengthen his connection with his heritage might grow in the intervening years. by all means, support him trying out nicknames and alternatives if he wants to experiment with them, but i’d hold off on any legal action until he’s older.
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nta being bullied sucks. i'm glad you listen to him and his troubles.
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nta
your son is being bullied and you are offering options to help curb that. everything else is a moot point.
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nah, as you're going in with good intentions, and the maternal grandparents have a legitimate concern..
however, you might suggest to him the idea of choosing another traditionally japanese name. that way, it will be clear to the maternal japanese friends that it is the sounds-like-a-curseword situation that is the issue, and not that it's necessarily a "foreign" name.
another option would be to add a "western" name as a middle name, rather than removing the japanese name.
bear in mind that if he's doing it because he's being bullied for it, and his bullies ever find out, that will be even more ammunition for them. a name change is not the solution for dealing with bullies.
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tell his grandparents that a good example of what he's dealing with is:
western name : gary
japanese : 下痢 (geri) meaning diarrhea
they might not get what he's dealing with.
this is a super common thing. i wouldn't even bother changing it legally. he can just use it socially.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | 0.012269
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (36m, american) lost my wife to covid 2 years ago (she was 33f, japanese). i worked in japan when i met her 8 years ago and stayed there. she was a single mom to a boy (who is now 10yro) and i adopted him after we got married. i am now his only parent. we moved to the us for my job a year ago. he loves it here (seattle), he has some friends, his english is perfect and we still go to japan for holidays 2 times a year (to see his maternal grandparents who live there). he has a japanese name that sounds a lot like an english curse word. so he has been getting bullied in school a lot. he is starting a different school in the fall, and he is scared the bullying will just continue there. i told him i love his name, and his mother chose it because it has a lot of meaning in japanese. but nevertheless, if he wants to change his name (like add an american middle name) and go by the new name, we can do that. he was happy that he has this option. he said he will think about it. his maternal grandparents are absolutely outraged, called me an ah, and said i am americanizing my son. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (36m, american) lost my wife to covid 2 years ago (she was 33f, japanese). i worked in japan when i met her 8 years ago and stayed there. she was a single mom to a boy (who is now 10yro) and i adopted him after we got married. i am now his only parent. we moved to the us for my job a year ago. he loves it here (seattle), he has some friends, his english is perfect and we still go to japan for holidays 2 times a year (to see his maternal grandparents who live there). he has a japanese name that sounds a lot like an english curse word. so he has been getting bullied in school a lot. he is starting a different school in the fall, and he is scared the bullying will just continue there. i told him i love his name, and his mother chose it because it has a lot of meaning in japanese. but nevertheless, if he wants to change his name (like add an american middle name) and go by the new name, we can do that. he was happy that he has this option. he said he will think about it. his maternal grandparents are absolutely outraged, called me an ah, and said i am americanizing my son. aita? [/INST] nah maybe meet with his new teachers beforehand to discuss using an english name for your son. lots of first gen asian american kids have an english nickname they use in school without legally changing their names. it's a good compromise imo without doing anything official, and if he wants to as an adult he can legally change it. </s>
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AITA for "embarrassing" my parents by putting out a tip jar?
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before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels.
they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college.
\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests.
| 7,713
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nqud5p/aita_for_embarrassing_my_parents_by_putting_out_a/
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2021-06-02 19:40:01
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yta because hitting up party guests in your own home is tacky. if you want to get paid to do gigs....then get yourself hired to play gigs.
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lol this is some major rich kid shit. yta donate that money to kids who actually can’t afford college
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yta for claiming it’s a college fund when you aren’t paying for college (as per your responses). just call it a tip jar.
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yta. from what you said, your parents didn't object to the tip jar, they objected to the sign. you know, the sign that was saying you needed money to pay for college when you're not paying for college.
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yta for several reasons
1. its a free party at your house, so they guests shouldn't have felt pressured to pay for anything. you knew the label "college fund" on the tip jar would make them sympathize for you.
2. you have no intention of using it for college.
3. you commented that you got a half ride and that your parents are paying for the other half, so why embarrass them in front of their guests painting them out to not have money to send their kid to college. (this would be different if they were not rich, but it's common knowledge that rich people can be very judgemental and classist, so this made your parents look bad. but even if you weren't rich it would look bad because its a free party.)
4. another commenter mentioned this, but if you need money so bad and you love playing piano, then get a gig doing just that. you could have easily put up a sign or made an announcement offering piano classes to the children of guests, or offering to play for future events and what you rates would be, etc.
however, if they're making you play for hours straight at these parties especially if you pleaded and protested against doing so, then i'd say nta.
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yta this is tacky af
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yta
this isn’t a restaurant, this is within your own home. that’s just tacky.
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yta. i get why you are doing it, but it is quite tacky. talk to your parents and see if they would be ok with you having business cards printed and placed on the piano while you play. maybe some of their swanky friends will hire you for an event.
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yta. i am assuming that your parents are financially supporting you through college? and they are obviously financially supporting you now. super tacky to beg from their guests without discussing in advance with them.
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yta. you did embarrass your parents. you were playing on a piano that they bought in a house that they bought. you were not performing on the street. what you did was very inappropriate. your parents probably didn't want to cause an argument at their party in their house so they let you keep the tip jar.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels. they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college. \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels. they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college. \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests. [/INST] yta because hitting up party guests in your own home is tacky. if you want to get paid to do gigs....then get yourself hired to play gigs. </s>
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AITA for refusing food I won’t eat and refusing to buy more food.
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i made dinner last night with the intention of saving the leftovers for tonight’s dinner, my boyfriend went back for a second helping which meant tonight there was not enough food for everyone. i made everyone else a plate of food and didn’t bother eating anything myself as there wasn’t enough. i was planning to go out later and grab some fast food.
my boyfriend went to the shops to pick up some stuff i needed for tomorrow and while he was out he grabbed me mcdonald’s.
i was shocked and grateful, said thank you and accepted the bag of food. he got me food he knew i wouldn’t eat and the fries were ice cold. i said thank you again but i wouldn’t eat what he got me. he made a big deal out of it and acted like i was an asshole for not eating what he had gotten me. he then offered to go get more and i refused. i didn’t want him spending more money on fast food.
i told him he knew my intention was to get some fast food later, but because he wasted money on it i felt like i couldn’t get anything else and spend more money on it because money is tight. i was pretty pissed off because now i don’t have anything for dinner because of him. i also said i didn’t understand why he didn’t ask me what i wanted rather than just buying crap i wouldn’t eat.
he told me i was over reacting and it wasn’t his fault. i was acting like a bitch and i needed to grow up. aita?
| 2,641
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgkacp/aita_for_refusing_food_i_wont_eat_and_refusing_to/
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2022-06-20 12:23:50
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info: why are you serving everyone else? you made the food, your boyfriend had 2 portions before anyone else had one, and then you’re serving but not eating the food you made?
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nta
i would question the control he seems to have over your diet with his selfish decisions.
he has snacks you aren't allowed to eat, he knows your budget and purposefully buys himself more food with your food money after eating your dinner thus starving you, and then to top it off, when you get rightfully upset because you're literally missing meals because of his choices: he gaslights you saying your feelings and behaviors are unacceptable? i think not.
my opinion? i think its time to start looking at either separating the budget so he can fend for his own food or maybe an escape route because thay man is starving you with his selfishness.
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after reading that boyfriend bought his favorite meal from mcdonalds, nta. he clearly wanted to eat more and did it at your expense (meaning he expected op not to eat it), which makes him the ah.
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nta. why in the world would you have to be grateful for him wasting the limited amount of money available on food he knew you wouldn't eat? and then he calls you names for being upset over this?
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nta
i don’t understand the y t a votes below that are calling your behavior “bratty” and petty.
i read all of your additional explanation in your comments and it is clear that your boyfriend was at best uncaring and forgetful, and at worst trying to score himself even more food despite your needs.
from what i have gathered from your post and comments, you made four portions of food on night 1 and made it explicitly clear that the remaining two portions were for night 2’s dinner.
without telling you, your bf ate one of those two portions after you went to sleep that night.
because of how your fridge is laid out and how you put away your leftovers, you did not realize that he ate one of those portions until he was already sitting down and eating the only remaining portion on night 2. when you asked him if he had seen the plate of food meant for you, he said he ate it the night before.
you decided you were going to spend your birthday money - the only money you had to spare for anything other than bills this week - on some fast food for yourself.
before you could go get your own fast food, your boyfriend returns with his favorite mcdonald’s meal, which is a food you specifically told him the week prior that you could no longer eat because you got food poisoning from it recently.
he proceeded to eat the food and since your budget is so tight, you went to bed hungry.
to me, this sounds so much like nta that i am baffled by the responses in this thread. does everyone really believe it is coincidence that her boyfriend got his own favorite meal that she has specifically said made her feel nauseous? especially after he casually forgot to tell her he ate one of the only two portions of dinner and then also the second one?
he ate 3 out of the 4 portions of the home cooked meal and the fast food.
this doesn’t sound like she’s being a “brat”.
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your boyfriend ate up all of the food in the fridge and then bought you a "replacement" meal he knew you wouldn't eat and ate that too.
he is not only cruel and controlling, he's a glutton and will overly-stuff himself to ensure you don't get to eat. as a cherry on top of this dumpster sundae, he'll then demand you be "grateful" be bought a meal he knew you couldn't eat.
you're nta but this guy certainly is. he likes the idea of you going hungry and that is just fucking *chilling.*
|
info
>he got me food he knew i wouldn’t eat and the fries were ice cold.
what did he get you and do you normally eat?
also why is he going shopping for you when you're going out to get food later? it makes sense you do it all yourself.
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nta, especially based on the fact that in your comments you said he got his favorite meal and then ate it when you refused. so he ate your dinner as a midnight snack the night before, didn’t tell you he ate it until you had given him his dinner the next night, brought you a meal he knew you wouldn’t eat, then ate that one as well and left you without food until the following night…. he’s the ah
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can i venmo you like 20 bucks so you can get yourself a decent meal please
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wait… what?!
he ate your food didn’t tell you until after he had started eating his and then got a meal from a fast food place that he liked knowing that you wouldn’t eat it but spent your birthday money on it?
he sounds incredibly greedy and selfish. if you can’t see the red flags here then i don’t know what to tell you. get out now while you still can.
nta!!!
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.02053
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i made dinner last night with the intention of saving the leftovers for tonight’s dinner, my boyfriend went back for a second helping which meant tonight there was not enough food for everyone. i made everyone else a plate of food and didn’t bother eating anything myself as there wasn’t enough. i was planning to go out later and grab some fast food. my boyfriend went to the shops to pick up some stuff i needed for tomorrow and while he was out he grabbed me mcdonald’s. i was shocked and grateful, said thank you and accepted the bag of food. he got me food he knew i wouldn’t eat and the fries were ice cold. i said thank you again but i wouldn’t eat what he got me. he made a big deal out of it and acted like i was an asshole for not eating what he had gotten me. he then offered to go get more and i refused. i didn’t want him spending more money on fast food. i told him he knew my intention was to get some fast food later, but because he wasted money on it i felt like i couldn’t get anything else and spend more money on it because money is tight. i was pretty pissed off because now i don’t have anything for dinner because of him. i also said i didn’t understand why he didn’t ask me what i wanted rather than just buying crap i wouldn’t eat. he told me i was over reacting and it wasn’t his fault. i was acting like a bitch and i needed to grow up. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i made dinner last night with the intention of saving the leftovers for tonight’s dinner, my boyfriend went back for a second helping which meant tonight there was not enough food for everyone. i made everyone else a plate of food and didn’t bother eating anything myself as there wasn’t enough. i was planning to go out later and grab some fast food. my boyfriend went to the shops to pick up some stuff i needed for tomorrow and while he was out he grabbed me mcdonald’s. i was shocked and grateful, said thank you and accepted the bag of food. he got me food he knew i wouldn’t eat and the fries were ice cold. i said thank you again but i wouldn’t eat what he got me. he made a big deal out of it and acted like i was an asshole for not eating what he had gotten me. he then offered to go get more and i refused. i didn’t want him spending more money on fast food. i told him he knew my intention was to get some fast food later, but because he wasted money on it i felt like i couldn’t get anything else and spend more money on it because money is tight. i was pretty pissed off because now i don’t have anything for dinner because of him. i also said i didn’t understand why he didn’t ask me what i wanted rather than just buying crap i wouldn’t eat. he told me i was over reacting and it wasn’t his fault. i was acting like a bitch and i needed to grow up. aita? [/INST] info: why are you serving everyone else? you made the food, your boyfriend had 2 portions before anyone else had one, and then you’re serving but not eating the food you made? </s>
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AITA for making my son break up with his boyfriend because he’s HIV positive?
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so the title kind of says it all.
my 16 year old son came to me panicked and said his 16 year old boyfriend just told him he (the boyfriend) was hiv positive. i told him to stay calm and no matter what everything was going to be fine (inside i was more panicked than he was) we immediately drove and got him (my son) tested. he’s negative (my son is negative, but his boyfriend is positive.)
my son says boyfriend didn’t lie or neglect to tell him, he only just found out himself. i have no reason not to believe him.
but i still said he had to break up with the kid. i insisted on it. my son said they’d be extra cautious and he could take prep and it would be fine but i told him the truth, that it was too serious a disease for him to even slightly risk contracting at his age.
i know most people won’t believe me but this has nothing to do with my son being gay.
he’s had two serious boyfriends in the past and a handful of dates, i’ve never had a problem. they’d come by the house, it was fine. and this guy i had him break up with was a good guy.
i just know my son’s maturity level and don’t trust him to take all the proper precautions to keep himself safe. if he were 30 and called and said “my boyfriend just said he’s hiv positive but i don’t want to break up with him” i’d be by his side going to get a prep prescription and reading all the articles and encouraging him to be safe because it would be his responsibility as an adult to make these decisions for himself.
right now though, i still have to nag him to wear a seat belt when he drives. i don’t feel like i’d be doing my job as a parent if he kept seeing an hiv positive person until he can protect himself.
but my son, of course, does not agree. he says i’m being discriminatory against hiv positive people, and i just got off the phone with my brother, and he said the same thing. that i’m taking this too seriously and i was wrong to make them break up.
that even if that’s what i wanted it should’ve been a decision my son and i came to together after more discussion.
aita?
| 4,194
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/djxvty/aita_for_making_my_son_break_up_with_his/
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2019-10-19 02:38:38
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nah. as a mom your only job is to keep your minor son alive. from a biological perspective, you should do anything and everything to make that happen. realistically, you can't prevent him from seeing his boyfriend, so education, prep, condoms, education, support, bringing is bf into your house as much as possible so that they can have eyes on them, education and support will probably work better until they break up. forbidden love tends to be very sexual. your intention is not bad, but your methods are just not effective.
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i think you just got scared pretty badly and reacted in the only way that would make you feel better. you just had to rush your son in for a hiv test, that would rattle plenty of parents and i wouldn't expect you to react perfectly under those circumstances.
and i get it. teenagers don't have the best track record of sexually responsible behavior. this takes planning and precaution and who knows if they will be up for that amount of responsibility. i also think it's highly unlikely that this teenage relationship was not going to end up being long-term. he would be taking a lot of risk, and potentially contracting something life-long out of devotion to a romance that may last mere months of his adolescence. you didn't break off his engagement, you didn't make him leave his partner of seven years, you told your son that he wasn't ready to take on the responsibility he's sure he can handle. that's a normal teen/parent discussion.
i will say that this is unlikely to be effective. telling teenagers not to have sex is just a great way to ensure they will sneak off for sex behind your back. it doesn't often result in them actually listening.
i think a far more effective method may be to calmly sit your son down, have some articles and research handy and walk him through exactly what the correct precautions are. talk to him about what the risk of transmission will be. talk to him about how to have safe sex. talk to him about how he will need to go in and get tested anytime that a condom breaks. tell him you will want him to get tested yearly at least if he goes through with this romance.
show him what the responsibility will entail, express your concerns and tell him that you want to see him demonstrate responsibility in all areas of his life, not just this one, in order for your mind to be at ease.
i don't envy your position at all. it's very easy for people on the internet to spurn you and cast judgment when it's not their irresponsible loved one who they have to support taking a risk.
nah.
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gay guy perspective here, not that it means anything special: i think there are nah. although treatment of hiv is getting better all the time, and people who are hiv+ can lead full, normal lives, it is still a very, very serious disease. and like many diseases, it can mutate, it can become drug resistant and because these meds are all relatively new, we don't know a ton of information about their long term effects. not to mention the costs of all these drugs - they can be outrageously expensive - and that's certainly not something a 16 year old should have to worry about. consequently, staying negative is still the ideal situation. given all of this, your instinct to protect your son is most definitely understandable.
that said, in your panic i think you may have unintentionally and subconsciously communicated to your son that being hiv+ is not ok. should your son ever become hiv+ (thankfully, the odds of that happening are very low), he may reflect on your reaction and think that you will collapse under the weight of the news, or he may not be comfortable even telling you for fear that you'll have another big reaction. hiv isn't the death sentence that it once was. so, i think you may need go with him to have a less emotional and more informed/educated discussion with a medical professional who specializes in sexual health. this will hopefully lessen the stigma and also give your son some good, basic information about his special health needs as a gay man, including testing for hepatitis and going on prep.
fwiw, i agree with your ultimate decision to not permit him to date this person. sixteen year olds don't think with their brains, and a decision of this magnitude should not be left to a developing and horny child. a lot of grown gay men struggle with the decision to date hiv+ individuals even after learning about the disease, so it's understandable you don't want a young child making them.
your son's boyfriend is going to face a lot of rejection in his lifetime and struggle mightily with the social ramifications of his disease, and he will need a strong support network. most transmissions occur in the exact way your son was nearly exposed - the person with the disease doesn't know they're positive and they unwittingly pass it along. which brings up my final point - it's really unusual for a young kid to become hiv positive, and raises some concerns that he may have been/is being abused by an adult or is engaging in high-risk behaviors (drugs, promiscuity with older men, etc). sixteen year olds having sex with other 16 year olds generally don't infect each other. just something to consider as you move forward with both protecting your son and, to the extent you're willing, helping this other young man. he needs all the support he can get.
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nah you are just being concerned for your child's safety. which is totally normal! however telling him to break up with his boyfriend will do nothing except make the situation more difficult. you should get him prep and discuss the seriousness of hiv and make sure he knows he can come to you for questions. maybe help him research ways to keeps safe and try to let him know the reason you wanted them to break up is because of how much you love him!
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nah but i don't know that forcing your son to break up with a bf is going to do any wonders for your own relationship with him. i understand why you're worried, but trying to keep him away from this kid is likely going to make him want to be with him all the more.
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nah, and i feel for the position you're all in here. that said, i don't know if i think forcing him to leave the boyfriend is the concrete answer here.
i fully get that teenagers are hormonal and crazy, but your son surely understands what a risk hiv is. thankfully, it's not the death sentence it once was, but everyone should protect themselves. i feel like this would be a good opportunity to maybe take him to a doctor or other professional that could sit with both of you and discuss realistic plans on how your son could stay safe. i'm afraid, if you force him, that your son will just go behind your back. teens are sneaky.
i can't imagine how his boyfriend must feel, too. that has to be so frightening, and to see people backing away because of it...that's incredibly heartbreaking.
it sounds like your son really cares for his boyfriend. explore some other options, if you can.
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nah, hes 16, still got a whole marathon in front of him to run. getting hiv from a relationship that might not continue after high school? not worth it in my opinion. i dont know what kind of new technology they might have for hiv, but the amount of money you will spend on the pills is definitely not worth the sex and the relationship.
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nta, hiv doesn't care about ur sexuality. your son could get it if they have any type of sexual activity and it seems u are just trying to prevent it.
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nta - your son needs to mature. hiv is dangerous, even if your partner is taking medication, they can always choose to stop taking it because they are afraid that your son may leave them. it is fucked up to say but i've heard of people who purposefully spread it because they don't want their boyfriend to leave them.
that is uncommon though. in general, hiv is well controlled, but it is still something that people don't want to mess with.
reddit is very touchy on this forum today. if you had said hepatitis, most people would not have a problem, but for some reason people are trying to downplay hiv.
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i am gay myself and this is thought but think nah, though i think you are being responsible if you really do think he wouldn't be responsible enough to prevent infection
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.032
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so the title kind of says it all. my 16 year old son came to me panicked and said his 16 year old boyfriend just told him he (the boyfriend) was hiv positive. i told him to stay calm and no matter what everything was going to be fine (inside i was more panicked than he was) we immediately drove and got him (my son) tested. he’s negative (my son is negative, but his boyfriend is positive.) my son says boyfriend didn’t lie or neglect to tell him, he only just found out himself. i have no reason not to believe him. but i still said he had to break up with the kid. i insisted on it. my son said they’d be extra cautious and he could take prep and it would be fine but i told him the truth, that it was too serious a disease for him to even slightly risk contracting at his age. i know most people won’t believe me but this has nothing to do with my son being gay. he’s had two serious boyfriends in the past and a handful of dates, i’ve never had a problem. they’d come by the house, it was fine. and this guy i had him break up with was a good guy. i just know my son’s maturity level and don’t trust him to take all the proper precautions to keep himself safe. if he were 30 and called and said “my boyfriend just said he’s hiv positive but i don’t want to break up with him” i’d be by his side going to get a prep prescription and reading all the articles and encouraging him to be safe because it would be his responsibility as an adult to make these decisions for himself. right now though, i still have to nag him to wear a seat belt when he drives. i don’t feel like i’d be doing my job as a parent if he kept seeing an hiv positive person until he can protect himself. but my son, of course, does not agree. he says i’m being discriminatory against hiv positive people, and i just got off the phone with my brother, and he said the same thing. that i’m taking this too seriously and i was wrong to make them break up. that even if that’s what i wanted it should’ve been a decision my son and i came to together after more discussion. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so the title kind of says it all. my 16 year old son came to me panicked and said his 16 year old boyfriend just told him he (the boyfriend) was hiv positive. i told him to stay calm and no matter what everything was going to be fine (inside i was more panicked than he was) we immediately drove and got him (my son) tested. he’s negative (my son is negative, but his boyfriend is positive.) my son says boyfriend didn’t lie or neglect to tell him, he only just found out himself. i have no reason not to believe him. but i still said he had to break up with the kid. i insisted on it. my son said they’d be extra cautious and he could take prep and it would be fine but i told him the truth, that it was too serious a disease for him to even slightly risk contracting at his age. i know most people won’t believe me but this has nothing to do with my son being gay. he’s had two serious boyfriends in the past and a handful of dates, i’ve never had a problem. they’d come by the house, it was fine. and this guy i had him break up with was a good guy. i just know my son’s maturity level and don’t trust him to take all the proper precautions to keep himself safe. if he were 30 and called and said “my boyfriend just said he’s hiv positive but i don’t want to break up with him” i’d be by his side going to get a prep prescription and reading all the articles and encouraging him to be safe because it would be his responsibility as an adult to make these decisions for himself. right now though, i still have to nag him to wear a seat belt when he drives. i don’t feel like i’d be doing my job as a parent if he kept seeing an hiv positive person until he can protect himself. but my son, of course, does not agree. he says i’m being discriminatory against hiv positive people, and i just got off the phone with my brother, and he said the same thing. that i’m taking this too seriously and i was wrong to make them break up. that even if that’s what i wanted it should’ve been a decision my son and i came to together after more discussion. aita? [/INST] nah. as a mom your only job is to keep your minor son alive. from a biological perspective, you should do anything and everything to make that happen. realistically, you can't prevent him from seeing his boyfriend, so education, prep, condoms, education, support, bringing is bf into your house as much as possible so that they can have eyes on them, education and support will probably work better until they break up. forbidden love tends to be very sexual. your intention is not bad, but your methods are just not effective. </s>
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AITA - Reducing a Mother and her Daughter to tears on a flight.
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i was on a flight from the uk to dubai where i was joining a ship - merchant navy.
i got on the flight and had an emergency exit seat - front row of economy cabin on a window seat. due to the seat designation i was amongst the first to board. placed my hand baggage in the forward most over head locker - closest to my seat and sat down.
around 30 minutes before landing the cabin crew handed out the landing cards. i went to fetch a pen from my bag and i found my bag was gone and the overhead locker is full of other bags. i went into a panic - my document folder containing all of my certification and documentation for work were in the bag, if i lost that i would be unable to join the ship, it may not be possible to get new copies of it all and my seaman's discharge book is a fairly sacred thing, if i were to lose these documents i would not be able to work for a month at the very least while i get new copies of everything, i would also lose massive amounts of face with my company.
the woman in the row behind me (aisle seat) notices my look of dismay and tells me she moved it further aft into another locker. i ask her where and she vaguely directs me to around middle of cabin. after some panic i find it and confirm everything is in good order - nothing missing. when i return to my seat still flustered she declares in an unapologetic tone that my bag was in her space or words to that effect as justification for her moving it.
i snapped at this and just blew my lid: used words to the effect of asking her who the fuck she thinks she is touching other people's bags and what the fuck right to the overhead locker she thought she had. i didn't make any threats i just offloaded on her. at the end of my tirade the woman and her daughter (around 12) were in tears and the son (15) had gone pretty pale. the rest of the cabin was just a sea of disapproving disgusted faces glaring at me.
this situation is bugging me now and i keep playing it in my head.
so aita here? i sure as fuck felt like it at the time but at the same time i feel i was justified to an extent?
i feel i should add - i used naughty language but nothing worse than i heard from the mother earlier in the flight.
| 2,287
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c964vg/aita_reducing_a_mother_and_her_daughter_to_tears/
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2019-07-04 18:44:05
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esh. she was ta for moving your bag. you were ta for going off on her like you did, even if it was justified.
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[deleted]
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nta she could’ve ruined your career and had no right to touch your stuff
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nta. if for no other reason, then perhaps for the next person’s sake. maybe she’ll think twice before doing this again.
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esh. she had no absolutely right to move your bag but it sounds like you lost control of your temper.
plus side here, i bet there is now more than a few people that will think twice about moving someone else's belongings, even though this kind of stuff shouldn't need a second thought.
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esh.
i hate it when other people feel entitled to move things that don’t belong to them on an airplane. it is the absolute worst. she’s an awfully behaved person.
that doesn’t mean you get to have a swear-y tantrum.
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nta. i would be in the same boat as everyone else with esh, had she not made that ridiculous comment about how you were in ~her~ space. yea no. nta. you had important stuff in the bag and she was acting all entitled 🤷🏻♀️ you could have taken it down a few notches but i’d be riled tf up if all my important stuff had been hijacked too
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esh : her for being disrespectful and you for lowering yourself to that level of chav. something classy like: "madam, i would have appreciated you not touching items that are not yours in the future. had something gotten lost, you could have been seeing airport security."
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nta... yeah you where very harsh on her but i understand your feeling. those documents are extremely important and she had absolutely no right to move your personal belongings. im saying nta because i hope she learned from it!
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[deleted]
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null | 0.421875
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was on a flight from the uk to dubai where i was joining a ship - merchant navy. i got on the flight and had an emergency exit seat - front row of economy cabin on a window seat. due to the seat designation i was amongst the first to board. placed my hand baggage in the forward most over head locker - closest to my seat and sat down. around 30 minutes before landing the cabin crew handed out the landing cards. i went to fetch a pen from my bag and i found my bag was gone and the overhead locker is full of other bags. i went into a panic - my document folder containing all of my certification and documentation for work were in the bag, if i lost that i would be unable to join the ship, it may not be possible to get new copies of it all and my seaman's discharge book is a fairly sacred thing, if i were to lose these documents i would not be able to work for a month at the very least while i get new copies of everything, i would also lose massive amounts of face with my company. the woman in the row behind me (aisle seat) notices my look of dismay and tells me she moved it further aft into another locker. i ask her where and she vaguely directs me to around middle of cabin. after some panic i find it and confirm everything is in good order - nothing missing. when i return to my seat still flustered she declares in an unapologetic tone that my bag was in her space or words to that effect as justification for her moving it. i snapped at this and just blew my lid: used words to the effect of asking her who the fuck she thinks she is touching other people's bags and what the fuck right to the overhead locker she thought she had. i didn't make any threats i just offloaded on her. at the end of my tirade the woman and her daughter (around 12) were in tears and the son (15) had gone pretty pale. the rest of the cabin was just a sea of disapproving disgusted faces glaring at me. this situation is bugging me now and i keep playing it in my head. so aita here? i sure as fuck felt like it at the time but at the same time i feel i was justified to an extent? i feel i should add - i used naughty language but nothing worse than i heard from the mother earlier in the flight.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was on a flight from the uk to dubai where i was joining a ship - merchant navy. i got on the flight and had an emergency exit seat - front row of economy cabin on a window seat. due to the seat designation i was amongst the first to board. placed my hand baggage in the forward most over head locker - closest to my seat and sat down. around 30 minutes before landing the cabin crew handed out the landing cards. i went to fetch a pen from my bag and i found my bag was gone and the overhead locker is full of other bags. i went into a panic - my document folder containing all of my certification and documentation for work were in the bag, if i lost that i would be unable to join the ship, it may not be possible to get new copies of it all and my seaman's discharge book is a fairly sacred thing, if i were to lose these documents i would not be able to work for a month at the very least while i get new copies of everything, i would also lose massive amounts of face with my company. the woman in the row behind me (aisle seat) notices my look of dismay and tells me she moved it further aft into another locker. i ask her where and she vaguely directs me to around middle of cabin. after some panic i find it and confirm everything is in good order - nothing missing. when i return to my seat still flustered she declares in an unapologetic tone that my bag was in her space or words to that effect as justification for her moving it. i snapped at this and just blew my lid: used words to the effect of asking her who the fuck she thinks she is touching other people's bags and what the fuck right to the overhead locker she thought she had. i didn't make any threats i just offloaded on her. at the end of my tirade the woman and her daughter (around 12) were in tears and the son (15) had gone pretty pale. the rest of the cabin was just a sea of disapproving disgusted faces glaring at me. this situation is bugging me now and i keep playing it in my head. so aita here? i sure as fuck felt like it at the time but at the same time i feel i was justified to an extent? i feel i should add - i used naughty language but nothing worse than i heard from the mother earlier in the flight. [/INST] esh. she was ta for moving your bag. you were ta for going off on her like you did, even if it was justified. </s>
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AITA for taking my daughter’s violin away?
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my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship.
when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him.
as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear.
this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home.
flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now.
my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice.
i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10.
so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there.
i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work.
my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition.
now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all.
aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home.
the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job.
also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of.
| 8,281
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxw44j/aita_for_taking_my_daughters_violin_away/
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2020-07-25 23:03:17
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yta. you moved in with your bf after 3 months of dating and basically told your daughter her goals don’t mean anything and bf is king. it might be his home but thanks to you, now it’s hers as well.
big fat parenting fail mum.
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[deleted]
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yta. for starters, you are a terrible mother. you moved your 15 year old into the home of a man in his fifties that you’ve only known 5 months at this point. you would have known how important her violin was to her and the fact that she had that audition and you could sabotage her like that is horrible. i really hope when she turns 18 she leaves and you never see that precious angel again.
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>all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him
you and your boyfriend both realize that upon moving in, it became *her* home too, right? and she, being a juvenile in the middle of a pandemic, has significantly fewer options to find a different place to practice her violin, which clearly means a lot to her.
but it annoys your new boyfriend, so she can only play when he's not around? he can't tolerate it even just a little? just long enough for her to prepare the morning of an audition? he *really* can't do that for the daughter of the woman he's dating? and you don't care that he can't do that, and expect your fifteen year old to be the mature one in this?
yta.
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yta. girl, the dick *cannot* actually be that good. stop being hypnotized by it and remember you have a daughter who you're supposed to care for.
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yta.
1. he’s not her stepfather, he’s your flavor of the month
2. he’s old enough to be her grandpa
3. you moved her into an apartment with a strange man... i’m sure this won’t turn into a lifetime movie or anything /s
4. your kid seems responsible, you have to warm up prior to performing. your mantoy should have done his work the day before it was due. i’m unsure how your daughter “procrastinating” is a bad thing, but him actually procrastinating is just fine
5. i have a bunch more but i’ve already typed a wall explaining how yta and not a super great mother.
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you've moved yourself and your daughter in with a boyfriend you've known less than 4 months and who's 20 years older than you... what could possibly go wrong here? /s
your daughter is doing something most parents want their kids to do - practice her musical instrument and you're so worried you might offend the boyfriend you want to stop her?
not sure where to begin to describe the many ways in which you appear to be a truly awful parent, but suffice it to say yta here. get yourself and your daughter to safe housing where she can practice and neither of you is tiptoeing around a guy you barely know.
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yta. she had an audition, and your boyfriend can't deal with a violin for one day for her to practice? it's not like this is loud video games, she's playing the violin. you and your boyfriend are absolute assholes and if you continue to treat her like this, you're not going to have much of a relationship with her when she's older.
edit; also, he is not her stepfather.
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yta.
you move her into a strangers house (cause that's what he was to her at 3 months of dating) tell her she can't make noise, back up the stranger rather than your own daughter, fuck up her audition and are now wide eyed and shocked that she isn't talking to you?
excellent parenting.
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started dating in march, and moved into his house in june? you uprooted your daughter's whole life, and now she had to sacrifice her music because of it. definitely yta.
could she have discussed the audition with you both and have a rational discussion? sure, but she's fifteen and apparently not thrilled with the situation that's been forced on her. as her mother, did you know when her audition was? you should have, and as the parent, you should have planned for it and found a way to make it work for everyone. you had to have some idea that you might need to ease the rails a bit.
you refer to him as her stepfather. is that real, or how you think of him? how can you expect her to see him that way after a few months?
c'mon, mom. be better.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship. when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him. as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear. this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home. flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now. my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice. i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10. so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there. i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work. my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition. now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all. aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home. the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job. also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship. when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him. as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear. this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home. flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now. my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice. i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10. so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there. i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work. my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition. now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all. aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home. the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job. also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of. [/INST] yta. you moved in with your bf after 3 months of dating and basically told your daughter her goals don’t mean anything and bf is king. it might be his home but thanks to you, now it’s hers as well. big fat parenting fail mum. </s>
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AITA for destroying my girlfriend in a video game after she was talking trash to me?
|
so quarantine’s been getting boring recently for the both of us, so she asked if i could teach her how to play my playstation. i have an extra controller lying around so i said sure why not. so the game that we started off with is that godforsaken game fifa . my gf is great at learning new things quickly and in a short amount of time she had got the basics down. so then eventually we progressed to playing actual games against each other.
i was obviously holding back because i wanted her to build her confidence which would in turn help her get better at the game. the problem with this is that in situations like this she starts talking shit big time. i can deal with “ ur not even that good” or “nice overpowered team” and shit like that but it was actual insults like “how do you spend so much time on this game and you’re still garbage” and “maybe i should be the one teaching you cause i’m already better than you”. so i had enough and i informed her that if that’s how she’s gonna be then i’m actually going to play seriously and not hold back. she smirked and said bring it on. so the first game i won 2-0. she said rematch so we did and this time i beat her 6-1. by the end of the game she was noticeably quiet and i asked why she’s not talking greasy to me anymore.
she didn’t respond and just asked for another rematch and this time i was up 4-0 at about 30 minutes. i scored 1 more goal and then she gave up and tossed the controller aside and she was visibly angry at me and said i didn’t have to do her like that. i said that’s b.s i didn’t ask her to talk shit and i even warned her that i was gonna start playing seriously. now she said that she’s not gonna play anymore and i just said okay? like is that supposed to be a punishment for me lmao? she didn’t respond and got up and went back to her place. reddit please tell me, was i in the wrong for how i acted here?
| 607
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/huddm2/aita_for_destroying_my_girlfriend_in_a_video_game/
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2020-07-20 02:38:28
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info: is your gf 5?
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play stupid games, win stupid prizes. she chose to be stupid and taunt you despite being a noob, you gave her a warning and she said bring it on. there’s no argument, it’s her being petty af over a video game. i wouldn’t hold it against her unless this is repeating behavior. otherwise, nta.
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nta - classic rule to understand: talk shit, get hit. don't dish it out if you can't take it. and beginners luck doesn't last forever. did i miss any?
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nta
she should've known better then to talk shit. it's her own fault for being a sore loser. you were trying to nice and help her, all you did was teach her that actions have consequences.
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nta
you weren’t deliberately trying to upset her or anything, you held back so she could improve herself and you proved your skill when she doubted it.
she can’t expect you to take every insult she throws at you and then keep inflating her ego while also challenging you.
wouldn’t she do the same thing if you accused her of being bad at something that she's skilled at?
you can dish it out but you can’t take it?
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nta. she clearly didn't think you were holding back and got embarrassed that she was hyping herself up when you were clearly better than her. it's not a big deal though, but she is the one at fault.
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nta, if you don't like bj's.
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nta. this actually sounds like how me and my friends talked to each other back in the 90s. back then it was mortal kombat 2 on the sega genesis.
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nta
her bark was bigger than her bite.
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nta, she's a big girl with a big mouth, she can handle being proven wrong
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so quarantine’s been getting boring recently for the both of us, so she asked if i could teach her how to play my playstation. i have an extra controller lying around so i said sure why not. so the game that we started off with is that godforsaken game fifa . my gf is great at learning new things quickly and in a short amount of time she had got the basics down. so then eventually we progressed to playing actual games against each other. i was obviously holding back because i wanted her to build her confidence which would in turn help her get better at the game. the problem with this is that in situations like this she starts talking shit big time. i can deal with “ ur not even that good” or “nice overpowered team” and shit like that but it was actual insults like “how do you spend so much time on this game and you’re still garbage” and “maybe i should be the one teaching you cause i’m already better than you”. so i had enough and i informed her that if that’s how she’s gonna be then i’m actually going to play seriously and not hold back. she smirked and said bring it on. so the first game i won 2-0. she said rematch so we did and this time i beat her 6-1. by the end of the game she was noticeably quiet and i asked why she’s not talking greasy to me anymore. she didn’t respond and just asked for another rematch and this time i was up 4-0 at about 30 minutes. i scored 1 more goal and then she gave up and tossed the controller aside and she was visibly angry at me and said i didn’t have to do her like that. i said that’s b.s i didn’t ask her to talk shit and i even warned her that i was gonna start playing seriously. now she said that she’s not gonna play anymore and i just said okay? like is that supposed to be a punishment for me lmao? she didn’t respond and got up and went back to her place. reddit please tell me, was i in the wrong for how i acted here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so quarantine’s been getting boring recently for the both of us, so she asked if i could teach her how to play my playstation. i have an extra controller lying around so i said sure why not. so the game that we started off with is that godforsaken game fifa . my gf is great at learning new things quickly and in a short amount of time she had got the basics down. so then eventually we progressed to playing actual games against each other. i was obviously holding back because i wanted her to build her confidence which would in turn help her get better at the game. the problem with this is that in situations like this she starts talking shit big time. i can deal with “ ur not even that good” or “nice overpowered team” and shit like that but it was actual insults like “how do you spend so much time on this game and you’re still garbage” and “maybe i should be the one teaching you cause i’m already better than you”. so i had enough and i informed her that if that’s how she’s gonna be then i’m actually going to play seriously and not hold back. she smirked and said bring it on. so the first game i won 2-0. she said rematch so we did and this time i beat her 6-1. by the end of the game she was noticeably quiet and i asked why she’s not talking greasy to me anymore. she didn’t respond and just asked for another rematch and this time i was up 4-0 at about 30 minutes. i scored 1 more goal and then she gave up and tossed the controller aside and she was visibly angry at me and said i didn’t have to do her like that. i said that’s b.s i didn’t ask her to talk shit and i even warned her that i was gonna start playing seriously. now she said that she’s not gonna play anymore and i just said okay? like is that supposed to be a punishment for me lmao? she didn’t respond and got up and went back to her place. reddit please tell me, was i in the wrong for how i acted here? [/INST] info: is your gf 5? </s>
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AITA for refusing to talk to my mother unless she uses my title?
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long story short, my mum was abusive growing up which led to me cutting contact the second i left home. the main form of abuse was saying i'd never amount to anything, was retarded, work at mcdonalds despite loads of evidence on the contrary. even after i received an offer from oxford med she kept telling me not to bother cause i'd drop out which was so wrong looking back on it.
&#x200b;
fast forward 7 years, i've recently become a qualified doctor and my mum wants to "try having a better relationship with me". we haven't met in person yet but have spoke over the phone where she seemed nicer than she used to be, but i insisted she called me "dr \[my name\]" or i wasn't speaking to her. at first she thought i was joking so i hung up and rejected her calls for a few weeks, and from then on she has used it.
my brother (mum was far nicer to him) has complained to me that i'm being a massive bell-end. to be honest i'm barely willing to speak to her, and not bothering at all unless she shows proper respect. aita?
&#x200b;
i'm sure it's going to get asked and no, i don't insist on being called dr outside of work, ever. at work i don't care either and although many people do call me dr, i don't expect it or get offended by its absence.
well this blew up. sorry won’t be able to reply to everyone and thanks for the feedback. some of the comments seem fairly bitter though, may i suggest having sex or watching /tv/? anyway peace out.
| 12,422
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c08awt/aita_for_refusing_to_talk_to_my_mother_unless_she/
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2019-06-13 16:56:25
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esh. why would you ask your mom to call you doctor so and so? that’s abnormal for a family member. but obviously she sucks for abusing you.
maybe this is a sign you aren’t ready for her to be in your life again.
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nta. i feel like everyone is missing the point to why he is making her call him dr. she literally told him to drop out when he got into med school. he said fuck that and went on and became a doctor. hell yeah she should be reminded what she almost made him throw away because she was abusive.
good shit my dude.
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yta
that's some pretentious nonsense there dr. jhibnjhbjhbhb
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esh. she, for being a terrible mother and you for being a stubborn arrogant twit to the person who named you as some kind of payback. be open to repairing the relationship or not but demanding to be called doctor is ridiculous. i don't even ask my employees to call me doctor, demanding it of my own family, even the jerks in my family who just call me when they need something??? wow.
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if this isn't a joke, then you are most certainly ta. insisting your mother call you by your title just so you can metaphorically make her kneel at your feet only goes to prove that regardless of how much you have achieved in life, you haven't achieved maturity.
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esh. you’re trying to derive some kind of petty satisfaction that if it even works will probably be the only satisfaction you ever glean from this relationship. just walk away.
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yta. if you don't want to have mother-child relationship with her, then just cut contact with her. you claim (in your comments below) that you're doing this "mainly to remind her she isn't above or in control of me anymore". no, you're not. you're doing this to show you are now above her.
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nta. she was horrible to you, and you’re being very gracious by even speaking to her. she should be forced to eat her words and remember each every time she said something hideous and wrong to you, and having her call you by your title seems like a great way to accomplish that.
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nta. as someone who has been abused by my parents, always undermined, yet persevered and made something out of my life, i understand where you're coming from. there's a lot of unresolved issues and feelings of resentment there and it's not your fault. it's clearly your way of one-upping your former abuser.
&#x200b;
look at it this way, you're a doctor now and you both know it. that itself is the revenge--everything she said about you was wrong given how educated and successful you are today. whether she calls you dr. \_ or not, doesn't matter. you know what you are. you should cut her out of your life now for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing.
&#x200b;
it's very opportunistic of her to want to contact you now, when you're successful. best case scenario, she wants her kid back; whether you wanna forgive her and let her back is your prerogative. worst case scenario she will try to leech off of your money and success. weigh all your options and make that decision.
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you are nta i think you should keep doing so every time she has to say it it reminds her of what she said you would never become but you did despite her hate and abuse. you should tell her too.
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.770882
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short, my mum was abusive growing up which led to me cutting contact the second i left home. the main form of abuse was saying i'd never amount to anything, was retarded, work at mcdonalds despite loads of evidence on the contrary. even after i received an offer from oxford med she kept telling me not to bother cause i'd drop out which was so wrong looking back on it. &#x200b; fast forward 7 years, i've recently become a qualified doctor and my mum wants to "try having a better relationship with me". we haven't met in person yet but have spoke over the phone where she seemed nicer than she used to be, but i insisted she called me "dr \[my name\]" or i wasn't speaking to her. at first she thought i was joking so i hung up and rejected her calls for a few weeks, and from then on she has used it. my brother (mum was far nicer to him) has complained to me that i'm being a massive bell-end. to be honest i'm barely willing to speak to her, and not bothering at all unless she shows proper respect. aita? &#x200b; i'm sure it's going to get asked and no, i don't insist on being called dr outside of work, ever. at work i don't care either and although many people do call me dr, i don't expect it or get offended by its absence. well this blew up. sorry won’t be able to reply to everyone and thanks for the feedback. some of the comments seem fairly bitter though, may i suggest having sex or watching /tv/? anyway peace out.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
long story short, my mum was abusive growing up which led to me cutting contact the second i left home. the main form of abuse was saying i'd never amount to anything, was retarded, work at mcdonalds despite loads of evidence on the contrary. even after i received an offer from oxford med she kept telling me not to bother cause i'd drop out which was so wrong looking back on it. &#x200b; fast forward 7 years, i've recently become a qualified doctor and my mum wants to "try having a better relationship with me". we haven't met in person yet but have spoke over the phone where she seemed nicer than she used to be, but i insisted she called me "dr \[my name\]" or i wasn't speaking to her. at first she thought i was joking so i hung up and rejected her calls for a few weeks, and from then on she has used it. my brother (mum was far nicer to him) has complained to me that i'm being a massive bell-end. to be honest i'm barely willing to speak to her, and not bothering at all unless she shows proper respect. aita? &#x200b; i'm sure it's going to get asked and no, i don't insist on being called dr outside of work, ever. at work i don't care either and although many people do call me dr, i don't expect it or get offended by its absence. well this blew up. sorry won’t be able to reply to everyone and thanks for the feedback. some of the comments seem fairly bitter though, may i suggest having sex or watching /tv/? anyway peace out. [/INST] esh. why would you ask your mom to call you doctor so and so? that’s abnormal for a family member. but obviously she sucks for abusing you. maybe this is a sign you aren’t ready for her to be in your life again. </s>
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AITA for "moving in" with an unpaying tenant
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i am a 38 year old landlord of a few single family rentals. one of the rentals is an old, beaten up trailer from 1955 that i rented to a single mom and her daughter(around 14 now) a couple years ago. i purchased the property for the land and was upfront about my intentions with the trailer right from the beginning.
i put the bare minimum of work into this trailer, but it is an affordable place to live for now. i charged her $600 a month and made sure she had working electric, water, hot water, heat, etc. the roof was old and leaking and i have tarred over some leaks the past couple years a couple times. i told her when it comes time for a major repair it would not be cost effective to do it and i would be removing the trailer and placing a modular home there.
&#x200b;
fast forward to last month. she informed me that there was a roof leak and needed more tar. upon inspection, it is no longer feasible to keep repairing and it would need an entire new roof. well, its not cost effective to replace the new roof so i told her she would need to find other housing. she proceeding to play the "eviction ban" card and has refused to leave or pay(even the $600). i had my lawyer send her the "non-habitable" letter and tell her to leave by september 15th. she has not paid september rent and has not mowed the lawn since getting the letter or left.
&#x200b;
so yesterday i went over there, walked in and started "living". she called the police on me, and when they came i showed them all the paperwork and told the officer, that she is right, i cannot legally evict her, but i am not evicting her. she is living for free, and needs to pay for exclusive use of the house. if she does not pay for exclusivity then she is my vagrant roommate. the officer sided with me, and told her there is nothing he can do to make either of us leave. it is a civil matter unless something physical or threats of violence occurs. she is absolutely pissed, says i'm a scumbag asshole. even though i have given her the most affordable housing in the area for almost 3 years now..lot rent in local mobile home parks is over $500 a month and you need to pay for the trailer and have neighbors. this is on its own acre plot.
&#x200b;
i no doubt think i'm in the right here. someone is living on my property and not paying anything, i have every right to use said property.
i'm curious as to what others think about this. i know many landlords who would change the locks while she isn't home and risk the charge. i didn't do it that way. i even told her if she kept paying $600 i would let her stay, but you are renting the land, not the house. i can't keep losing money to fix something for someone else to live.
| 6,389
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/psfs4o/aita_for_moving_in_with_an_unpaying_tenant/
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2021-09-21 10:10:13
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esh. her staying in a home that you have done what needs to be done to tell her is not able to be lived in. you are taking extreme measures. you should actually just call the building code people in your area so that they can deem the building unsafe and she will have to move. tell her you are calling code enforcement because they may not even let her enter to get her stuff if it is that unsafe.
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nta
people act like all landlords are making $$$$ & can afford squatters.
you gave her 40 days notice as 1 of your comments said.
she didn't like that has stopped paying rent.
just bc she has kids doesn't mean its his responsibility to let her live for free.
the place isn't habitable anymore for people let alone for children to live in and you plan to replace the building to make a better income
there's nothing wrong in that.
the "yta" comments are coming from entitled people who think they should live for free.
you provide a service and expect to be paid for the service
you wouldn't go to a restaurant and expect food for free or go to a store and expect the items be be free.
just because you breed, doesn't mean everybody should take pity on you. not my kids not my responsibility.
its up to her to get her act right and leave.
i'd linger all day everyday
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i'm not in the us so i'm not familiar with the eviction procedures.
but you moving in and intimidating her really creeps me out, especially since there's also a teenage girl in the house.
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you never provided affordable housing, she was paying 600 for a leaking unfit to live in trailer with her daughter. man, every time i read a post from a landlord i just sit and wonder how someone could be so incredibly heartless.
**editing to add yta verdict, thought i’d be downvoted to hell bc some of y’all rly love landlords lol but thanks for the awards!!
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eh. i’m not sure “i forcefully moved in with a 14 y/o girl and her mom” is the argument you think it is.
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yta and also you will lose in court if she takes you. (in my area the following is true, i actually don't know about where you are, but i feel the same either way) you are illegally harassing and intimidating your tenant. you are also illegally affecting her ability to use the domicile. you have to go through the legal eviction process and she doesn't have to pay you rent because the property is unlivable and you've refused to repair it. an illegal clause in a contract cannot be enforced, and saying you will stop repairing the home as the landlord is illegal.
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yta. you are way, way, way, worse than the renter. you act like you were doing this woman a huge favor by charging $600 to live in a barely habitable, "old, beaten up trailer from 1955." sure, you made sure the utilities were working, but the trailer had perpetual roof leaks that you've known about for years. by your own admission, your general solution to maintenance was to "put the bare minimum of work into this trailer" -- and your specific solution to the repeated roof leaks was to throw some tar up there a few times over the last few years. the trailer is probably full of mold. it sounds like a nightmare. but hey, keep patting yourself on the back for your good deed whereby you collected $600 monthly for allowing a mother and child stay in this misery. but do not even pretend that you are a good person if you continue to "let her stay" ... if she continues to pay $600 per month for the dubious privilege. you are fully aware and have admitted in writing that the trailer is uninhabitable. you have told her many, many times that you will not carry out necessary, expensive repairs. so continuing to rent this place makes you a slum lord. congratulations.
i'd guess that you are seriously violating landlord/tenant laws wherever you live. whether you have a written lease or not, you need to follow proper eviction procedures because this woman is your tenant. you are a seriously creepy person for moving in with a woman and her child. the police may not want to get involved, but you can be sure a court would. also, in many places, tenants are ale to withhold rent until necessary repairs are made. but, since this place is such a nightmare and this woman should not be living there anyway, you need to check your local laws because an eviction ban probably doesn't cover uninhabitable structures (the putative reason you'd be evicting, rather than for nonpayment of rent). but you are still a major, major ah. maybe you should live in that deathtrap trailer for awhile -- to make sure you are never, ever tempted to rent it out to anyone ever again.
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you’re charging her 600 dollars a month to live in a place you won’t even fix. how is this even a question? yta
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yta, you're a slumlord. $600 a month for a 1955 trailer? are you even serious? thank god you make sure she has working utilities, wow, how considerate of you to follow the bare legal minimum.
you knew what you were doing. you evicted her. congrats on finding a loophole to make your blatantly illegal move into something a-ok.
|
if you had an apartment and told the renter you were going to tear it down and replace it next time it leaked, and then it leaked, so you tried to remove the tenant, that would be eviction - and i’m not sure it’s “uninhabitable” so much as you won’t fix it, regardless of the financial reasons for not wanting to. legally i don’t think you’d be in the clear there. landlords can’t allow housing to become uninhabitable due to lack of upkeep and repair and then use that to evict people, that’s illegal. you could tarp the roof to prevent leaks at the very least, so i’m guessing you did literally nothing. you moving into a place you’ve had deemed uninhabitable doesn’t make sense - if it’s uninhabitable you wouldn’t and shouldn’t be living in there, because no oneshould. if you are living there, it’s clearly habitable in your book, making that claim dubious and clearly in bad faith. moving in deprives your tenant of privacy - you aren’t allowed to removed her door door either due to privacy or waltz through her home without prior authorization, so why would you be able to move in? that would break ten kinds of rental laws in my state.
you may think you’re behaving justly, but you aren’t. yta.
just saw what state you’re in. yeah, you aren’t legally in the right in new york on this one.
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.064305
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a 38 year old landlord of a few single family rentals. one of the rentals is an old, beaten up trailer from 1955 that i rented to a single mom and her daughter(around 14 now) a couple years ago. i purchased the property for the land and was upfront about my intentions with the trailer right from the beginning. i put the bare minimum of work into this trailer, but it is an affordable place to live for now. i charged her $600 a month and made sure she had working electric, water, hot water, heat, etc. the roof was old and leaking and i have tarred over some leaks the past couple years a couple times. i told her when it comes time for a major repair it would not be cost effective to do it and i would be removing the trailer and placing a modular home there. &#x200b; fast forward to last month. she informed me that there was a roof leak and needed more tar. upon inspection, it is no longer feasible to keep repairing and it would need an entire new roof. well, its not cost effective to replace the new roof so i told her she would need to find other housing. she proceeding to play the "eviction ban" card and has refused to leave or pay(even the $600). i had my lawyer send her the "non-habitable" letter and tell her to leave by september 15th. she has not paid september rent and has not mowed the lawn since getting the letter or left. &#x200b; so yesterday i went over there, walked in and started "living". she called the police on me, and when they came i showed them all the paperwork and told the officer, that she is right, i cannot legally evict her, but i am not evicting her. she is living for free, and needs to pay for exclusive use of the house. if she does not pay for exclusivity then she is my vagrant roommate. the officer sided with me, and told her there is nothing he can do to make either of us leave. it is a civil matter unless something physical or threats of violence occurs. she is absolutely pissed, says i'm a scumbag asshole. even though i have given her the most affordable housing in the area for almost 3 years now..lot rent in local mobile home parks is over $500 a month and you need to pay for the trailer and have neighbors. this is on its own acre plot. &#x200b; i no doubt think i'm in the right here. someone is living on my property and not paying anything, i have every right to use said property. i'm curious as to what others think about this. i know many landlords who would change the locks while she isn't home and risk the charge. i didn't do it that way. i even told her if she kept paying $600 i would let her stay, but you are renting the land, not the house. i can't keep losing money to fix something for someone else to live.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a 38 year old landlord of a few single family rentals. one of the rentals is an old, beaten up trailer from 1955 that i rented to a single mom and her daughter(around 14 now) a couple years ago. i purchased the property for the land and was upfront about my intentions with the trailer right from the beginning. i put the bare minimum of work into this trailer, but it is an affordable place to live for now. i charged her $600 a month and made sure she had working electric, water, hot water, heat, etc. the roof was old and leaking and i have tarred over some leaks the past couple years a couple times. i told her when it comes time for a major repair it would not be cost effective to do it and i would be removing the trailer and placing a modular home there. &#x200b; fast forward to last month. she informed me that there was a roof leak and needed more tar. upon inspection, it is no longer feasible to keep repairing and it would need an entire new roof. well, its not cost effective to replace the new roof so i told her she would need to find other housing. she proceeding to play the "eviction ban" card and has refused to leave or pay(even the $600). i had my lawyer send her the "non-habitable" letter and tell her to leave by september 15th. she has not paid september rent and has not mowed the lawn since getting the letter or left. &#x200b; so yesterday i went over there, walked in and started "living". she called the police on me, and when they came i showed them all the paperwork and told the officer, that she is right, i cannot legally evict her, but i am not evicting her. she is living for free, and needs to pay for exclusive use of the house. if she does not pay for exclusivity then she is my vagrant roommate. the officer sided with me, and told her there is nothing he can do to make either of us leave. it is a civil matter unless something physical or threats of violence occurs. she is absolutely pissed, says i'm a scumbag asshole. even though i have given her the most affordable housing in the area for almost 3 years now..lot rent in local mobile home parks is over $500 a month and you need to pay for the trailer and have neighbors. this is on its own acre plot. &#x200b; i no doubt think i'm in the right here. someone is living on my property and not paying anything, i have every right to use said property. i'm curious as to what others think about this. i know many landlords who would change the locks while she isn't home and risk the charge. i didn't do it that way. i even told her if she kept paying $600 i would let her stay, but you are renting the land, not the house. i can't keep losing money to fix something for someone else to live. [/INST] esh. her staying in a home that you have done what needs to be done to tell her is not able to be lived in. you are taking extreme measures. you should actually just call the building code people in your area so that they can deem the building unsafe and she will have to move. tell her you are calling code enforcement because they may not even let her enter to get her stuff if it is that unsafe. </s>
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AITA for having our ill son stay at my parents because we can't handle his behavior?
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our son is 14 and has been undergoing treatment for an illness for the past three years and it's still not over yet.
the whole treatment process has been extremely difficult for our son and despite our best efforts to help him mentally, it has changed him from a really sweet loving child to someone who lashes out terribly. and we know puberty has played a large part of it as well.
unfortunately, his behavior at home has disrupted his siblings' lives greatly. he's the third of 4 children. it's gotten to the the point where my youngest daughter is deeply unhappy and has started saying she hates her brother. the older children have also made their feelings known.
we've tried correcting the behavior but he's very clearly in physical pain and it's affecting his behavior. we've tried therapy as well, both individual and family.
in an effort to create peace in our home, we made a decision to move our son into my parents' guesthouse. my wife and i take turns sleeping there so my son is never left without a parent there. my parents also spend a lot of time with him
this has made our house peaceful and positive again. and the other children are happier. but our son has taken it very badly and his behavior has worsened. my wife regularly returns from her time with him in tears. it has gotten to me a few times too.
my wife and i feel really guilty but we didn't know what else to do. a nurse found our what we did and told us that good family support can make a difference in surviving an illness and we made a mistake. she was immediately reprimanded by a doctor but my wife and i are feeling worse than before.
my son's therapist said we didn't have any choice but my mother also feels like maybe we should've tried harder to keep him in our home.
did we make a mistake?
| 3,970
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8s9eu/aita_for_having_our_ill_son_stay_at_my_parents/
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2019-12-10 15:46:59
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nah... this is way above reddit. you are placed in a very difficult situation and you made a choice for the betterment of your family. honestly, chances are there are some pros and cons to both decisions. no one can call you an asshole for being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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nah
your other children should not have to deal with their brother lashing out and being abusive, i dont care what anyone else says, being in pain is not an excuse to be shitty to other people, and you cant just force them to be supportive of someone who is consistently lashing out and behaving in a destructive way. what kind of message would that send to your other kids? that if they really love someone, they'll lay down and just deal with being constantly shat on? has nobody else in this thread considered that??
it was good that you arent just letting him walk all over your other kids, but isolating him isn't the best idea either. i get that you're not just trying to dump him anywhere for the sake of convenience, but isolation is notorious for worsening the mental health of any given patient (there's even a documented disorder that can occur if a patient in a hospital is left without social interaction for too long).
i can't say for sure what you should do as i'm not a doctor, and since you are in therapy with him, but you should know that you're not assholes for trying to figure out the best option for all 4 of your kids.
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can't make a judgement here. off the bat, i think you're in a really shitty position and you're trying to make the best of it. you have 4 kids to worry about, not just one.
my instinct is that removing him from the home is giving him the indication that he's not part of the family, regardless of your reasoning, and of course that's likely going to make his behavioural issues worse.
you don't mention therapy, is he getting help to deal with his feelings and emotions and living in pain outside of the usual doctors and family?
you're in a shitty position and i don't think there's a right answer, sorry...
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i mean. hes throwing things at you and your wife. verbally abusing everyone in the house and refuses to participate in therapy
nah
you gotta protect all your kiddos and for right now, having the 14yo out of the house is the best option you have.
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dog this is so far out of reddit’s pay grade we only know how to answer black and white stuff this is fucked i’m so so sorry.
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you already went to professionals (excluding the reprimanded nurse, or course) and this is the best that they could come up with. asking here is not going to help you other than to get validation you're not an asshole.
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nah - you have three other kids to think about and it sounds like a professional therapist agrees with your decision so i’m not sure how i’m qualified to do better. i’m sorry about your son.
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nah you made a difficult decision for your family. is it the best thing for your son? i don’t know but i am sure being in a home where his three siblings openly hate him is worse than living with his grandparents
i understand his illness is part of the reason he’s acting out but its not fair on your other three kids to deal with him lashing out at them and at you and your wife
|
[deleted]
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nah - info. that's a decision no parent wants to make: do you separate the family for the sake of the many, or do what's right for the individual? if your son is ill and sending him away has made him worse, that's not the best decision for him. i can't imagine it's good for your marriage to be apart all the time, as well as the other kids being without one parent so the other can stay with your son. but your family doesn't function well with him in the home. is there an alternative possible? can you hire a health care worker for a few hours a day to be a 'buddy' to your son and help him out with interactions with others? also, take an 'emergency' vacation. trust me, sometimes a change in environment makes all the difference. it doesn't have to be expensive - even camping or going to a different city for a week will do the trick.
it's obvious you're good parents and are trying to do what's right. don't feel bad, but if something is not working, try something else.
|
NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our son is 14 and has been undergoing treatment for an illness for the past three years and it's still not over yet. the whole treatment process has been extremely difficult for our son and despite our best efforts to help him mentally, it has changed him from a really sweet loving child to someone who lashes out terribly. and we know puberty has played a large part of it as well. unfortunately, his behavior at home has disrupted his siblings' lives greatly. he's the third of 4 children. it's gotten to the the point where my youngest daughter is deeply unhappy and has started saying she hates her brother. the older children have also made their feelings known. we've tried correcting the behavior but he's very clearly in physical pain and it's affecting his behavior. we've tried therapy as well, both individual and family. in an effort to create peace in our home, we made a decision to move our son into my parents' guesthouse. my wife and i take turns sleeping there so my son is never left without a parent there. my parents also spend a lot of time with him this has made our house peaceful and positive again. and the other children are happier. but our son has taken it very badly and his behavior has worsened. my wife regularly returns from her time with him in tears. it has gotten to me a few times too. my wife and i feel really guilty but we didn't know what else to do. a nurse found our what we did and told us that good family support can make a difference in surviving an illness and we made a mistake. she was immediately reprimanded by a doctor but my wife and i are feeling worse than before. my son's therapist said we didn't have any choice but my mother also feels like maybe we should've tried harder to keep him in our home. did we make a mistake?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
our son is 14 and has been undergoing treatment for an illness for the past three years and it's still not over yet. the whole treatment process has been extremely difficult for our son and despite our best efforts to help him mentally, it has changed him from a really sweet loving child to someone who lashes out terribly. and we know puberty has played a large part of it as well. unfortunately, his behavior at home has disrupted his siblings' lives greatly. he's the third of 4 children. it's gotten to the the point where my youngest daughter is deeply unhappy and has started saying she hates her brother. the older children have also made their feelings known. we've tried correcting the behavior but he's very clearly in physical pain and it's affecting his behavior. we've tried therapy as well, both individual and family. in an effort to create peace in our home, we made a decision to move our son into my parents' guesthouse. my wife and i take turns sleeping there so my son is never left without a parent there. my parents also spend a lot of time with him this has made our house peaceful and positive again. and the other children are happier. but our son has taken it very badly and his behavior has worsened. my wife regularly returns from her time with him in tears. it has gotten to me a few times too. my wife and i feel really guilty but we didn't know what else to do. a nurse found our what we did and told us that good family support can make a difference in surviving an illness and we made a mistake. she was immediately reprimanded by a doctor but my wife and i are feeling worse than before. my son's therapist said we didn't have any choice but my mother also feels like maybe we should've tried harder to keep him in our home. did we make a mistake? [/INST] nah... this is way above reddit. you are placed in a very difficult situation and you made a choice for the betterment of your family. honestly, chances are there are some pros and cons to both decisions. no one can call you an asshole for being stuck between a rock and a hard place. </s>
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AITA for calling my black coworker’s hair pretty?
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so my coworker usually has her hair up or straightened and over the past year i’ve never seen it naturally down. but a couple days ago she came to work with her hair down and i was so amazed by how pretty it was! she had so much volume and it seemed really soft and healthy (unlike my own hair). we’re not close, but i do see her most days so i just naturally told her that i thought her hair was so pretty and i wished i had hair like hers. i didn’t think much of it, but she looked a a bit uncomfortable. later i heard her and some other coworkers saying that she, as a black woman was tired of hearing things like that and that she essentially thought i was being racist.
as an indian woman with long hair, i’ve gotten comments on my hair all the time, including people wanting to touch it, some people saying they want to make a wig from it, and i understand her feelings but i certainly didn’t mean it that way.
i usually compliment most people, even strangers if i like their clothes or hair or what not, but now i’m wondering if it might make some people uncomfortable. so, aita?
| 3,830
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/idzspb/aita_for_calling_my_black_coworkers_hair_pretty/
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2020-08-21 16:19:22
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nah
i get where you coworker is coming from and i also understand your intentions. however, now you know not to broach the topic of physical appearances with coworkers. i always try to keep the praises professional.
hopefully she doesn’t involve hr.
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nah: honestly hair politics can be really touchy, and can vary depending on the person. it could be the ‘wish i had hair like yours’ pushed her over the edge in feeling that way (as someone with great hair but am white, that would make me feel kinda uncomfortable too and that’s without the racial stuff involved on my end).
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nta. if you're just complimenting and not asking to touch it, i see no harm in it. from what you've written, you didn't make any allusions to her race or skin colour, simply that you liked her hair and wish you had hair like that. maybe it did make her feel uncomfortable, but there's nothing racist about what you said.
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i'm gonna say nah. you didn't mean it in a bad way but perhaps shouldn't have said you wished you had hair like hers because they face a lot of discrimination against their natural hair so i can see why she'd be annoyed
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nta. you seem genuine.
as a black woman myself, though, hearing people compliment my hair in it's natural state is a double edged sword because it was so traumatic to have thick, curly hair when i was a child. hair is a fraught issue in my culture. there is a lot of emotional baggage and you hear disparaging comments about black hair from other black people.
it's hard to reconcile someone's genuine awe at how lovely my hair really is, with growing up straightening my hair because it's "ugly" in it's natural state, or people saying i looked like garish cartoon characters (e.g. i was called sideshow bob ala the simpsons)... my nickname was "werewolf girl" in elementary for awhile bc my hair was so wild and unfamiliar. the hurt goes deep. lots of black women put on a strong face, but really we're sad in many ways just like everyone else.
but i don't think it's right for the lady to go around calling you a damn racist - it's unfair, and she doesn't seem to have acknowledged her own responsibility for healing.
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nah. black people are often (rightfully) a bit touchy on the subject of hair in the workplace since it’s the basis of a lot of hiring discrimination, so i’m not surprised her knee-jerk reaction was toward that end. if situationally appropriate, you may want to apologize for how it came off, but i wouldn’t make a big deal about it regardless, as that will ratchet up the discomfort.
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nta- it’s not like you said “i wish i was black so i can have hair like this” you just complemented her, not everything has to be about race. i’m sorry that your complement back fired like that. maybe apologize for making her uncomfortable, and just explain that you didn’t mean any harm from it.
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nta. you gave her a genuine compliment and she chose to turn it into something it wasn't. that's on her, not you.
carry on spreading kindness and genuine compliments, and don't let the few who want twist everything to suit their own agenda turn you into someone who is afraid to be kind.
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nah
assuming you didn't ask to touch it or specifically say that it looks better than usual this way, you're nta; but also, she isn't an ah because she probably gets all sorts of racist comments and microaggressions and people wanting to touch her hair *all the time*, so i can understand her frustration, especially if you have never complimented her hair before when it was in her common style than it was this time. you likely didn't mean it that way; but it can make her feel like her hair was ugly before in your eyes, but now it is worth complimenting, when it is still the same hair as it was before.
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nah - you were being genuine and meant no offense. she has every right to be annoyed by this. if it bothers her, don't do it again and no harm done.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.022045
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my coworker usually has her hair up or straightened and over the past year i’ve never seen it naturally down. but a couple days ago she came to work with her hair down and i was so amazed by how pretty it was! she had so much volume and it seemed really soft and healthy (unlike my own hair). we’re not close, but i do see her most days so i just naturally told her that i thought her hair was so pretty and i wished i had hair like hers. i didn’t think much of it, but she looked a a bit uncomfortable. later i heard her and some other coworkers saying that she, as a black woman was tired of hearing things like that and that she essentially thought i was being racist. as an indian woman with long hair, i’ve gotten comments on my hair all the time, including people wanting to touch it, some people saying they want to make a wig from it, and i understand her feelings but i certainly didn’t mean it that way. i usually compliment most people, even strangers if i like their clothes or hair or what not, but now i’m wondering if it might make some people uncomfortable. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my coworker usually has her hair up or straightened and over the past year i’ve never seen it naturally down. but a couple days ago she came to work with her hair down and i was so amazed by how pretty it was! she had so much volume and it seemed really soft and healthy (unlike my own hair). we’re not close, but i do see her most days so i just naturally told her that i thought her hair was so pretty and i wished i had hair like hers. i didn’t think much of it, but she looked a a bit uncomfortable. later i heard her and some other coworkers saying that she, as a black woman was tired of hearing things like that and that she essentially thought i was being racist. as an indian woman with long hair, i’ve gotten comments on my hair all the time, including people wanting to touch it, some people saying they want to make a wig from it, and i understand her feelings but i certainly didn’t mean it that way. i usually compliment most people, even strangers if i like their clothes or hair or what not, but now i’m wondering if it might make some people uncomfortable. so, aita? [/INST] nah i get where you coworker is coming from and i also understand your intentions. however, now you know not to broach the topic of physical appearances with coworkers. i always try to keep the praises professional. hopefully she doesn’t involve hr. </s>
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AITA for pulling a harmless prank on a guy who has a crush on me?
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this actually happened on valentine’s day but i’m still getting shit for it. please tell me if i’m ta.
i’m really good friends with this guy (we’re both 20) and we pull little pranks on each other all the time. we both started working at the same place so we see each other a lot more.
around early february we were hanging out one night and he got very drunk (he normally doesn’t get that drunk). he started awkwardly confessing his crush and telling me how much i mean to him etc. i thought he was just messing around but he said the same things the next day fully sober. i told him that i’m not interested and he didn’t look very upset. he actually took it very well and we talked about something else afterwards. (fyi - all of my friends said that he was seriously upset about the rejection but that wasn’t my experience).
on valentine’s day we were on our lunch break and i told him that we needed to talk.i told him that i really thought about his confession the other night and wanted to tell him something important since it’s vday. he panicked and asked if i’m serious. i said yeah and asked if he wants a kiss. everybody knows that it’s the oldest and lamest trick in the world. but he fell for it hard and got soooo excited. he was actually about to kiss me but then i pulled a hershey’s kiss chocolate out my pocket and offered it. at first he didn’t get it but then he understood. he didn’t speak to me for the rest of our shift. i told him to lighten up but he straight up ignored me. when we texted later that night he was giving me 1 word answers. i personally think that’s an overreaction.
after that day he stopped hanging out with our friend group and barely texted anybody. two weeks went by and our friends got really concerned. i told them about the incident and they started roasting me hard. i have never received so much shit for something so little. they all agreed that i’m an asshole and shattered his confidence. i’m not sure if i agree. first of all, we prank each other frequently. he knows that i’m not serious about anything 99% of the time. secondly, how could you fall for the hershey’s kiss line?
my friends still bring it up occasionally and say that i’m horrible for what i did. he hasn’t talked to me at all since that day. i’m pretty sure he forgot about it by now. so am i the bad guy?
| 12,566
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fe1npt/aita_for_pulling_a_harmless_prank_on_a_guy_who/
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2020-03-05 20:38:44
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yta. he was vulnerable and open with you; you used that to make him the butt of a joke. even when you saw he was getting excited, you just doubled down and went on with your planned "harmless" prank (a "harmless" prank that was clearly both humiliating and hurtful for him).
it was cruel to begin with (like, stereotypical-bully-in-every-high-school-movie level cruel), and you never even had the decency to apologize.
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yta what the fuck. no you aren’t “friends” with this person, either that or you’re the worst friend in the world. you just thought let’s see, let’s take someone’s vulnerability that they trusted you with and shit all over it for amusement...
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you are not only ta but also a horrible person overall if you think this is fucking funny.
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yta. doesn't sound like a harmless prank to me. playing with his emotions goes far beyond a harmless prank. you deserved the roasting you got.
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yta
you knew this guy had a crush on you (he literally told you he did when sober) so you decide to mess around with those feelings on valentine’s day.
if he hasn’t spoken to you since, then this isn’t a ‘harmless prank’. you’ve ruined your friendship with this guy, so it’s safe to say the joke didn’t land.
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you're 20 and still don't see how this was a dick move?
yta.
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[removed]
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yta big time and i think it's fucked up you can't even remotely see that.
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yta. that was really mean, op.
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info: what in the world is wrong with you?
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this actually happened on valentine’s day but i’m still getting shit for it. please tell me if i’m ta. i’m really good friends with this guy (we’re both 20) and we pull little pranks on each other all the time. we both started working at the same place so we see each other a lot more. around early february we were hanging out one night and he got very drunk (he normally doesn’t get that drunk). he started awkwardly confessing his crush and telling me how much i mean to him etc. i thought he was just messing around but he said the same things the next day fully sober. i told him that i’m not interested and he didn’t look very upset. he actually took it very well and we talked about something else afterwards. (fyi - all of my friends said that he was seriously upset about the rejection but that wasn’t my experience). on valentine’s day we were on our lunch break and i told him that we needed to talk.i told him that i really thought about his confession the other night and wanted to tell him something important since it’s vday. he panicked and asked if i’m serious. i said yeah and asked if he wants a kiss. everybody knows that it’s the oldest and lamest trick in the world. but he fell for it hard and got soooo excited. he was actually about to kiss me but then i pulled a hershey’s kiss chocolate out my pocket and offered it. at first he didn’t get it but then he understood. he didn’t speak to me for the rest of our shift. i told him to lighten up but he straight up ignored me. when we texted later that night he was giving me 1 word answers. i personally think that’s an overreaction. after that day he stopped hanging out with our friend group and barely texted anybody. two weeks went by and our friends got really concerned. i told them about the incident and they started roasting me hard. i have never received so much shit for something so little. they all agreed that i’m an asshole and shattered his confidence. i’m not sure if i agree. first of all, we prank each other frequently. he knows that i’m not serious about anything 99% of the time. secondly, how could you fall for the hershey’s kiss line? my friends still bring it up occasionally and say that i’m horrible for what i did. he hasn’t talked to me at all since that day. i’m pretty sure he forgot about it by now. so am i the bad guy?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this actually happened on valentine’s day but i’m still getting shit for it. please tell me if i’m ta. i’m really good friends with this guy (we’re both 20) and we pull little pranks on each other all the time. we both started working at the same place so we see each other a lot more. around early february we were hanging out one night and he got very drunk (he normally doesn’t get that drunk). he started awkwardly confessing his crush and telling me how much i mean to him etc. i thought he was just messing around but he said the same things the next day fully sober. i told him that i’m not interested and he didn’t look very upset. he actually took it very well and we talked about something else afterwards. (fyi - all of my friends said that he was seriously upset about the rejection but that wasn’t my experience). on valentine’s day we were on our lunch break and i told him that we needed to talk.i told him that i really thought about his confession the other night and wanted to tell him something important since it’s vday. he panicked and asked if i’m serious. i said yeah and asked if he wants a kiss. everybody knows that it’s the oldest and lamest trick in the world. but he fell for it hard and got soooo excited. he was actually about to kiss me but then i pulled a hershey’s kiss chocolate out my pocket and offered it. at first he didn’t get it but then he understood. he didn’t speak to me for the rest of our shift. i told him to lighten up but he straight up ignored me. when we texted later that night he was giving me 1 word answers. i personally think that’s an overreaction. after that day he stopped hanging out with our friend group and barely texted anybody. two weeks went by and our friends got really concerned. i told them about the incident and they started roasting me hard. i have never received so much shit for something so little. they all agreed that i’m an asshole and shattered his confidence. i’m not sure if i agree. first of all, we prank each other frequently. he knows that i’m not serious about anything 99% of the time. secondly, how could you fall for the hershey’s kiss line? my friends still bring it up occasionally and say that i’m horrible for what i did. he hasn’t talked to me at all since that day. i’m pretty sure he forgot about it by now. so am i the bad guy? [/INST] yta. he was vulnerable and open with you; you used that to make him the butt of a joke. even when you saw he was getting excited, you just doubled down and went on with your planned "harmless" prank (a "harmless" prank that was clearly both humiliating and hurtful for him). it was cruel to begin with (like, stereotypical-bully-in-every-high-school-movie level cruel), and you never even had the decency to apologize. </s>
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AITA for taking my son to the hospital and missing my daughters graduation?
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this happened a while ago but almost everyone i’ve told has said i am ta but i don’t think i am so i’m posting here.
i(f42) have five kids. 17f, 16m, 16f, 15m, and 14m. my 14 year old has pain and can barely move his legs without crying. he’s in a wheelchair most of the time but if it’s something quick he will just get up to do it. (he has monthly doctor appointments to make sure everything is going okay we’re doing the best we can with this.) but another issue with him is that he has sleep paralysis. he tends to just not want to sleep at all which has led to many issues in the past.
my daughter graduated high school back in june and i couldn’t be more proud of her. her school still held a socially distant graduation. only immediate family could attend. however in the morning about an hour before the ceremony i heard a loud crash come from my 14 year olds room. i went up there and he was on the floor entirely unconscious. his breathing was slow and he wasn’t moving so i picked him up and took him to the hospital.
i wanted to stay there in case it was something bad but my daughter begged me to come to the graduation. i told her i could try but if it was something serious i was staying at the hospital. well it was something pretty serious that i’m not going to go into detail about. i stayed at the hospital and just missed her graduation. she cried to both my parents and my husbands parents about it, they told aunts and uncles and now everyone is mad at me, including my husband and children. they think that i should’ve just left him there by himself cause he didn’t even wake up during the 4 hours i was there(couldn’t spend the night) my husband and daughter especially thinks what i did was selfish and cruel but i just wanted to be there for my son who was in the hospital.
i thought what i did was right but they’re still really mad at me and my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since. they think it’s just mean favoritism but i don’t know. i always try not to play favorites so if i’m in the wrong here just please tell me.
| 2,549
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikj75o/aita_for_taking_my_son_to_the_hospital_and/
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2020-09-01 12:18:26
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info: first of all, i understand needing to stay with the child at a hospital. however, i feel like there is more missing here.
is there a history of you always needing to skip the milestones of your other kids, or cut back on needed support, for
this kid?
also, i hate to bring this up, but i feel i need to. i have seen a few instances where a kid who is used to attention acts up before another kids big event to keep the attention on them. is that something you have noticed with the fourteen year old? that would further explain your kids anger.
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i don’t know op, it seems like there’s a lot missing from your story. if it’s as plain and simple as you say, then i’d say n t a, but since your husband, family and people who know the situation better are saying you are, then i’m wondering if they know something we don’t.
i suggest you talk to your daughter (and your husband) and see why she feels that you could have attended the graduation. and make sure you listen, don’t just defend yourself. there might be more to this than you realise. just a hint, if she says something along the lines of “you’re never there for me, you always choose (her brother), you don’t care, etc etc” then they’re a real problem here.
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info: do you miss a lot of events for the older children because of caring for 14m?
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nah i have a feeling that even if this is the first major event you have missed of hers for your son, she is probably feeling really overshadowed by him for ages. in her eyes she might feel like he always gets the most attention and preferential treatment because he has these health problems. so when you miss her graduation for yet another health issue of his, it is probably bringing those feelings of being pushed aside back up. and you might not have ever given any preferential treatment towards him intentionally, but even something like generally being more concerned for him over the other kids can be hurtful because children don’t always understand fully and can interpret things differently. i really think you need to stop trying to reason with her or buy her gifts because the gifts probably feel like you’re trying to buy her love. i think you should sit down and have a one on one conversation, and just tell her you understand why she is hurting from this and apologize and just be real with her. don’t try to justify yourself, instead justify her feelings because they are valid.
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[deleted]
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based on what you’ve written you cannot possibly be the ah here. but the fact that all your family, your husband and all your children are angry at you suggests there has to be more to this than there seems
you said in a comment they all think he fakes everything for attention. like i could see your kids maybe thinking that but his own father?
have you blown off your other kids for the 14 year old? is it possible this is just one thing to many for everyone to take?
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i have a feeling that you show extreme favoritism to your son. yes he may have problems but i would be surprised if he exploits that to get his way. especially with how it mad your daughter was, this is something that she is used to and i absolutely get why your families mad at you. you need to realize you have more than one child and stop treating him better.
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info. not really enough information for me to judge. you vaguely say his situation was serious. if son's situation was potentially life threatening than clearly staying with him was the thing to do. if son's situation was not potentially life threatening than he would have been fine being cared for by medical staff for a few hours while you ducked out to the graduation.
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i think the person you need to talk to first is your husband. based on your post that this was actually a life threatening situation, i’m baffled why your husband isn’t sticking up for you. he should be saying that you are a team and one of you had to go to the hospital, the other to the graduation. if there’s truly nothing missing from your story and the background, your husband is a giant ah. but i struggle to judge because something seems super odd about the fact your whole family, including the father of the sick kid, think you were wrong. i feel like you either left something out or you don’t actually know how your family views the amount of time, attention etc. that your son gets from you. your husband refusing to tell you what’s going on with your daughter is odd. there’s a very us vs them mentality in your family right now.
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i know there's a update, but still...
on the other occasions when your son needs a parent or responsible adult, not just appointments, is it always you? does your husband offer but you are still the one to deal with whatever it is? if so, is it at your insistence? i'm not saying this in a judgmental way but some people's identity is focused on being the *parent of a child with a disability*. that's not necessarily bad just reality. you think, *i know my kid. it will just be easier for everyone if* ***i*** *do this*. maybe your daughter was thinking, maybe this one time dad can go with brother and mom can be there for me.
also, you talk about what you do with your kids:
> throughout her entire life i’ve just randomly taken her out to movies, water parks, arcades, and out to other places. i’ve done this with all of them (except for my 14 yo cause he can’t really do much except movies) to make sure they know they’re loved.
kids don't know they are loved because you take them places. this is a easy and convenient way to avoid making a real connection. same with gifts.
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
| null | null | null |
INFO
| null | null | 0.196
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a while ago but almost everyone i’ve told has said i am ta but i don’t think i am so i’m posting here. i(f42) have five kids. 17f, 16m, 16f, 15m, and 14m. my 14 year old has pain and can barely move his legs without crying. he’s in a wheelchair most of the time but if it’s something quick he will just get up to do it. (he has monthly doctor appointments to make sure everything is going okay we’re doing the best we can with this.) but another issue with him is that he has sleep paralysis. he tends to just not want to sleep at all which has led to many issues in the past. my daughter graduated high school back in june and i couldn’t be more proud of her. her school still held a socially distant graduation. only immediate family could attend. however in the morning about an hour before the ceremony i heard a loud crash come from my 14 year olds room. i went up there and he was on the floor entirely unconscious. his breathing was slow and he wasn’t moving so i picked him up and took him to the hospital. i wanted to stay there in case it was something bad but my daughter begged me to come to the graduation. i told her i could try but if it was something serious i was staying at the hospital. well it was something pretty serious that i’m not going to go into detail about. i stayed at the hospital and just missed her graduation. she cried to both my parents and my husbands parents about it, they told aunts and uncles and now everyone is mad at me, including my husband and children. they think that i should’ve just left him there by himself cause he didn’t even wake up during the 4 hours i was there(couldn’t spend the night) my husband and daughter especially thinks what i did was selfish and cruel but i just wanted to be there for my son who was in the hospital. i thought what i did was right but they’re still really mad at me and my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since. they think it’s just mean favoritism but i don’t know. i always try not to play favorites so if i’m in the wrong here just please tell me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a while ago but almost everyone i’ve told has said i am ta but i don’t think i am so i’m posting here. i(f42) have five kids. 17f, 16m, 16f, 15m, and 14m. my 14 year old has pain and can barely move his legs without crying. he’s in a wheelchair most of the time but if it’s something quick he will just get up to do it. (he has monthly doctor appointments to make sure everything is going okay we’re doing the best we can with this.) but another issue with him is that he has sleep paralysis. he tends to just not want to sleep at all which has led to many issues in the past. my daughter graduated high school back in june and i couldn’t be more proud of her. her school still held a socially distant graduation. only immediate family could attend. however in the morning about an hour before the ceremony i heard a loud crash come from my 14 year olds room. i went up there and he was on the floor entirely unconscious. his breathing was slow and he wasn’t moving so i picked him up and took him to the hospital. i wanted to stay there in case it was something bad but my daughter begged me to come to the graduation. i told her i could try but if it was something serious i was staying at the hospital. well it was something pretty serious that i’m not going to go into detail about. i stayed at the hospital and just missed her graduation. she cried to both my parents and my husbands parents about it, they told aunts and uncles and now everyone is mad at me, including my husband and children. they think that i should’ve just left him there by himself cause he didn’t even wake up during the 4 hours i was there(couldn’t spend the night) my husband and daughter especially thinks what i did was selfish and cruel but i just wanted to be there for my son who was in the hospital. i thought what i did was right but they’re still really mad at me and my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since. they think it’s just mean favoritism but i don’t know. i always try not to play favorites so if i’m in the wrong here just please tell me. [/INST] info: first of all, i understand needing to stay with the child at a hospital. however, i feel like there is more missing here. is there a history of you always needing to skip the milestones of your other kids, or cut back on needed support, for this kid? also, i hate to bring this up, but i feel i need to. i have seen a few instances where a kid who is used to attention acts up before another kids big event to keep the attention on them. is that something you have noticed with the fourteen year old? that would further explain your kids anger. </s>
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AITA for blowing up at my biological father's wedding due to his refusal to buy me a plane ticket?
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long story short, i'm 19, he is 39.
for whatever reason, he hasn't been in my life until i was about 16, i reached out to his family. my mother claims he's a deadbeat, my biological father claims my mother kept him away from me. both my mother and his ex wife describe him as a selfish, manipulative narcissist.
knowing my mother isn't capable of something like that, i don't really believe him, but i'm always willing to give him a fair shot, i'm not completely unreasonable like that.
to make a long story short, his wedding was last year. i was invited, and was looking forward to the chance to fly over and bond with my family.
until he refused to pay for a plane ticket. his reasoning was he was concerned that if he had paid for the plane ticket, my mother would do something to intentionally prevent me from going.
10 days before the wedding, i completely blew up on facebook about it. i completely blasted his family on facebook because i was going to be excluded from the wedding because of his refusal to purchase a plane ticket. his defense was he approached me last year about paying for half of the ticket, this was completely untrue, this was the first time i had met him. he told me to get myself a credit card if i wanted a plane ticket to his wedding. nobody stepped up to the plate, and i was not at the wedding.
later on, he changed his story about why he refused to play for the plane ticket, was that he couldn't afford it, because his paychecks were being garnished to pay for the 25k child support he hasn't paid us, along with other expenses between his other three children and his wife.
we ended up not talking for a while over it. he believes i am in the wrong, because i blew up at his family and refused to explain and justify what exactly what i said. i believe he is in the wrong because of how he treated me over a plane ticket.
| 1,815
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nhx9w2/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_biological_fathers/
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2021-05-21 16:56:11
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esh
you didn't have to post on fb about it. it would've been enough to simply not go and cut ties with him or seriously limit the contact. it does not seem that he cares that much about you anyway, op.
he is an a h for trying to make everyone but him look like a bad guy.
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nta. you're 19. if your dad wants you at his wedding, he can pay for your ticket.
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nta. narcissists are good at provoking you until you go nuts, only to point out to everyone else how nuts you are.
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nta your mom told you one thing and this stranger another complete conspiracy. he lied. now you know your mother was right and he will always act like a deadbeat. you can have a relationship with him now or not, but in any case being obssesed with the tiket changes nothing, because even if he apologised you shouldn't trust him again.
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i am a bit confused here.
you are 19, what entitles you to money for the plane ticket?
like, i could understand not being able to afford it and him badmouthing you to relatives regarding not attending so you posting publicly to explain the actual situation, but not this.
sure i think the least he could have done after not being a parent is to pay for the plane ticket but at the same time you just come off as an entitled brat here.
yta in this very narrow situation even though i have no doubt he is an ahole in life.
i am 99% sure you are actually holding onto a lot of resentment and hurt that he wasn't there for your whole life and you are realising he was to blame for a lot of that and it came out in this facebook tirade. if that is the case then get yourself some therapy. don't let these feelings turn you into a toxic person because to me this just seems toxic.
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soft esh. your dad is definitely an asshole here, and i've said soft esh because blowing up on facebook (and it sounds like you attacked his whole family?) is also an asshole move. however, it sounds like you were 18 at the time, so i'm willing to give you a little bit of a pass for handling your frustration badly. don't do it again though; facebook rants literally never end well.
i'm not sure why everyone here is automatically declaring that at 18/19 you should be able to afford a cross-country plane ticket to attend the wedding of a father who you recently got back in touch with. it's pretty normal that a teen (even if legally an adult) wouldn't be able to afford a $400+ plane ticket, and most parents would be happy to purchase that so their kid can be at their wedding. honestly, i would believe your mom and his ex-wife about what kind of person he is. he has very clearly demonstrated this to you already. if he couldn't afford to fly you out, why not have a genuine conversation about that and express his disappointment? if he really owes 25k in back childsupport, that also pretty clearly shows you that your mom was right and that he doesn't value his role as a father.
my own dad is like this, and i know how much it sucks to realize that your dad is like this. it doesn't make it right or fair, but it is true. really consider how much of a relationship you want with a man who is almost 40 and treats you this way.
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yta
>i completely blew up on facebook about it. i completely blasted his family on facebook because i was going to be excluded from the wedding because of his refusal to purchase a plane ticket.
blowing up on facebook is wildly tacky, immature, and paints you as an entitled brat who expects other people to pay for things. you weren’t “excluded” from anything - you couldn’t afford to go. that’s unfortunate, but how is it your father’s fault? you’re not a minor - he’s not obligated to pay for your ticket. it would have been nice had he offered, but as you later found out, he couldn’t afford to. being unable to pay for certain things doesn’t make someone a bad person.
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when you say that the rest family members had their tickets paid for , who paid for them?
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yta
what made you an ah was your approach on blasting his family on fb. it’s completely possible that they had no idea what was discussed between you and your bio father and was left in the dark. had you approached them and discussed with them about your financial issues on buying a plane ticket they may have been more willing to help. but it sounds like you didn’t.
instead you blasted them on social media. not many people would be willing to help out someone who shames them in public- especially a relative that they barely know who suddenly was shaming them.
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yta, you are an adult you can buy your own plane ticket. he invited you to his wedding he said nothing about paying for a plane ticket.
also blowing up on facebook really
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0.535618
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short, i'm 19, he is 39. for whatever reason, he hasn't been in my life until i was about 16, i reached out to his family. my mother claims he's a deadbeat, my biological father claims my mother kept him away from me. both my mother and his ex wife describe him as a selfish, manipulative narcissist. knowing my mother isn't capable of something like that, i don't really believe him, but i'm always willing to give him a fair shot, i'm not completely unreasonable like that. to make a long story short, his wedding was last year. i was invited, and was looking forward to the chance to fly over and bond with my family. until he refused to pay for a plane ticket. his reasoning was he was concerned that if he had paid for the plane ticket, my mother would do something to intentionally prevent me from going. 10 days before the wedding, i completely blew up on facebook about it. i completely blasted his family on facebook because i was going to be excluded from the wedding because of his refusal to purchase a plane ticket. his defense was he approached me last year about paying for half of the ticket, this was completely untrue, this was the first time i had met him. he told me to get myself a credit card if i wanted a plane ticket to his wedding. nobody stepped up to the plate, and i was not at the wedding. later on, he changed his story about why he refused to play for the plane ticket, was that he couldn't afford it, because his paychecks were being garnished to pay for the 25k child support he hasn't paid us, along with other expenses between his other three children and his wife. we ended up not talking for a while over it. he believes i am in the wrong, because i blew up at his family and refused to explain and justify what exactly what i said. i believe he is in the wrong because of how he treated me over a plane ticket.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
long story short, i'm 19, he is 39. for whatever reason, he hasn't been in my life until i was about 16, i reached out to his family. my mother claims he's a deadbeat, my biological father claims my mother kept him away from me. both my mother and his ex wife describe him as a selfish, manipulative narcissist. knowing my mother isn't capable of something like that, i don't really believe him, but i'm always willing to give him a fair shot, i'm not completely unreasonable like that. to make a long story short, his wedding was last year. i was invited, and was looking forward to the chance to fly over and bond with my family. until he refused to pay for a plane ticket. his reasoning was he was concerned that if he had paid for the plane ticket, my mother would do something to intentionally prevent me from going. 10 days before the wedding, i completely blew up on facebook about it. i completely blasted his family on facebook because i was going to be excluded from the wedding because of his refusal to purchase a plane ticket. his defense was he approached me last year about paying for half of the ticket, this was completely untrue, this was the first time i had met him. he told me to get myself a credit card if i wanted a plane ticket to his wedding. nobody stepped up to the plate, and i was not at the wedding. later on, he changed his story about why he refused to play for the plane ticket, was that he couldn't afford it, because his paychecks were being garnished to pay for the 25k child support he hasn't paid us, along with other expenses between his other three children and his wife. we ended up not talking for a while over it. he believes i am in the wrong, because i blew up at his family and refused to explain and justify what exactly what i said. i believe he is in the wrong because of how he treated me over a plane ticket. [/INST] esh you didn't have to post on fb about it. it would've been enough to simply not go and cut ties with him or seriously limit the contact. it does not seem that he cares that much about you anyway, op. he is an a h for trying to make everyone but him look like a bad guy. </s>
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AITA for upcycling my ex's family heirloom?
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i was with said ex for nearly 5 years. we were engaged. at some point during our relationship his mom gave me her grandma's fur coat. it was something she saved up for and treasured, but no one else in the family really wanted it or could fit into it.
my mom is a master seamstress. she used to go to antique stores all the time to look for fur coats and she would turn them into these incredible beautiful teddy bears. i told my ex's family that i would never wear this coat and that it would likely sit in a closet for the rest of my life and asked if i could instead have my mom turn it into a bear and give it new life. the answer was no. they were fine that i would never wear it and still wanted me to have it since there was at least the possibility that maybe someday i would wear it and i was again told that no one else in the family wanted it.
it took me a long time to realize that my ex was actually incredibly emotionally abusive to me. it got to the point where i truly believed that i was an awful person and he was a saint for putting up with me and that no one would ever love me except for him. he had slowly chipped away at all my self worth and alienated all my friends and most of my family.
we had a dog together. technically speaking it was his dog since he was home all the time working on his master's degree. however, the dog and i bonded and were both equally terrified of him. he would get into these fits of rage and the dog and i would just huddle together on the couch.
when we finally broke up, he was very adamant that i not keep the dog but could give her to my parents. after talking to my parents, we agreed that i would give them the dog. they would wait a while for things to cool down, and then they would give the dog back to me. he moved out, took his stuff, gave me his apartment key, and we both moved on. i got my dog back.
somehow he found out i had the dog again and he flipped out. he nearly broke into my apartment trying to get her and i had to call the police on him. my dad advised me that if i truly wanted to be rid of this man for good, i should just give up the dog. i decided for my peace and safety and mental health to give him the dog so i could be rid of him once and for all. losing the dog broke my heart. i found out later through a nasty email he sent me that his mother had prompted him to take the dog from me and that the dog was living happily with a friend of his.
it wasn't long after this that i realized the fur coat was still in my closet and that he hadn't taken it with him when he left. so i had my mom turn it into a teddy bear. to me it symbolized that something horrible could be used to make something new and beautiful.
six months later he contacted me asking if i still had the fur coat. i didn't respond and that is the last contact i have ever had with him.
aita for repurposing my ex's family heirloom?
tl;dr my ex's mom gave me a family heirloom fur coat and told me not to upcycle it into a teddy bear. i did it anyway after we broke up.
| 2,121
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/knqaos/aita_for_upcycling_my_exs_family_heirloom/
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2020-12-31 13:48:38
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esh.
you should have returned the family heirloom when you broke up or never accepted it in the first place. the entire middle four paragraphs of your story is completely irrelevant. you don’t get to go out of your way to destroy someone’s family heirloom because you were in an emotionally abusive relationship. and stop using the word “up cycling” to describe the destruction of a fur coat, and don’t trying to use that “symbolism” of something being beautiful to justify your poor judgment.
you made an asshole move and the fact that you were in a shitty relationship to begin with doesn’t get you a free pass.
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nta for the coat, but why would you ever give a poor animal away to an abusive person!! what is wrong with you!! file a restraining order and get the cops involved before you throw an animal to the wolves.
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yta. one, for giving a defenseless, scared animal to an abuser; two, for the fur coat. yeah, it was a a gift but it was given to you because you were marrying into the family. when you realized you had it, you should've given it back because though it had no meaning to you, it had meaning to the family.
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[deleted]
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nta. if the fur coat was so valuable, then they shouldn’t have given it to you in the first place. they were obviously using it to guilt you into staying with him. as things are, the coat was a gift and therefore yours to do what you want.
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nta
they gave it you after much protest. they could have just kept the damn coat but they gave it to you. it's yours to do with as you please. you didn't sign a contract that said the coat would forever remain in your closet untouched. i don't understand all these people saying you're in the wrong.
its the same as with engagement rings. sorry if it's an heirloom, you gave it to me, it's legally mine.
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i would say e s h but honestly this is between your ex's mother and you. so in that case yta. she gave you a gift but with that gift she specifically asked you not to do the one thing that you did. you did it to hurt your ex but in reality he probably don't care about the fur but i would guess it did really hurt his mother
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esh him for obvious reasons, but honestly yeah ruining that family heirloom was a malicious jerk move. i get that it was given to you but you know it came with strings attached. the person you hurt was probably his mother and other members of his family. that’s kind of a dick move.
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nta, she gave it to you, it's yours to do what you want with it. these people sound like awful people, and i think you should have just straight up called the police on him when he tried to break into your house to steal your dog. the only reason he "agreed" to let you keep the dog in the first place is so that he has a reason to come back into your life and kick up the dust whenever he felt like it, because it was the only avenue of abuse he had left over you. but that's over and done with. block all of their numbers and social media. maintain 0 contact with all of them.
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esh. not for upcycling the coat. but you knew the dog was terrified of him and you gave it back to him. if he was violent towards you imagine how he treated that poor animal. you were able to escape but that dog couldn't. i understand you were scared but you should have given the dog back to your parents. i hope that it really is living with someone else.
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.770882
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was with said ex for nearly 5 years. we were engaged. at some point during our relationship his mom gave me her grandma's fur coat. it was something she saved up for and treasured, but no one else in the family really wanted it or could fit into it. my mom is a master seamstress. she used to go to antique stores all the time to look for fur coats and she would turn them into these incredible beautiful teddy bears. i told my ex's family that i would never wear this coat and that it would likely sit in a closet for the rest of my life and asked if i could instead have my mom turn it into a bear and give it new life. the answer was no. they were fine that i would never wear it and still wanted me to have it since there was at least the possibility that maybe someday i would wear it and i was again told that no one else in the family wanted it. it took me a long time to realize that my ex was actually incredibly emotionally abusive to me. it got to the point where i truly believed that i was an awful person and he was a saint for putting up with me and that no one would ever love me except for him. he had slowly chipped away at all my self worth and alienated all my friends and most of my family. we had a dog together. technically speaking it was his dog since he was home all the time working on his master's degree. however, the dog and i bonded and were both equally terrified of him. he would get into these fits of rage and the dog and i would just huddle together on the couch. when we finally broke up, he was very adamant that i not keep the dog but could give her to my parents. after talking to my parents, we agreed that i would give them the dog. they would wait a while for things to cool down, and then they would give the dog back to me. he moved out, took his stuff, gave me his apartment key, and we both moved on. i got my dog back. somehow he found out i had the dog again and he flipped out. he nearly broke into my apartment trying to get her and i had to call the police on him. my dad advised me that if i truly wanted to be rid of this man for good, i should just give up the dog. i decided for my peace and safety and mental health to give him the dog so i could be rid of him once and for all. losing the dog broke my heart. i found out later through a nasty email he sent me that his mother had prompted him to take the dog from me and that the dog was living happily with a friend of his. it wasn't long after this that i realized the fur coat was still in my closet and that he hadn't taken it with him when he left. so i had my mom turn it into a teddy bear. to me it symbolized that something horrible could be used to make something new and beautiful. six months later he contacted me asking if i still had the fur coat. i didn't respond and that is the last contact i have ever had with him. aita for repurposing my ex's family heirloom? tl;dr my ex's mom gave me a family heirloom fur coat and told me not to upcycle it into a teddy bear. i did it anyway after we broke up.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was with said ex for nearly 5 years. we were engaged. at some point during our relationship his mom gave me her grandma's fur coat. it was something she saved up for and treasured, but no one else in the family really wanted it or could fit into it. my mom is a master seamstress. she used to go to antique stores all the time to look for fur coats and she would turn them into these incredible beautiful teddy bears. i told my ex's family that i would never wear this coat and that it would likely sit in a closet for the rest of my life and asked if i could instead have my mom turn it into a bear and give it new life. the answer was no. they were fine that i would never wear it and still wanted me to have it since there was at least the possibility that maybe someday i would wear it and i was again told that no one else in the family wanted it. it took me a long time to realize that my ex was actually incredibly emotionally abusive to me. it got to the point where i truly believed that i was an awful person and he was a saint for putting up with me and that no one would ever love me except for him. he had slowly chipped away at all my self worth and alienated all my friends and most of my family. we had a dog together. technically speaking it was his dog since he was home all the time working on his master's degree. however, the dog and i bonded and were both equally terrified of him. he would get into these fits of rage and the dog and i would just huddle together on the couch. when we finally broke up, he was very adamant that i not keep the dog but could give her to my parents. after talking to my parents, we agreed that i would give them the dog. they would wait a while for things to cool down, and then they would give the dog back to me. he moved out, took his stuff, gave me his apartment key, and we both moved on. i got my dog back. somehow he found out i had the dog again and he flipped out. he nearly broke into my apartment trying to get her and i had to call the police on him. my dad advised me that if i truly wanted to be rid of this man for good, i should just give up the dog. i decided for my peace and safety and mental health to give him the dog so i could be rid of him once and for all. losing the dog broke my heart. i found out later through a nasty email he sent me that his mother had prompted him to take the dog from me and that the dog was living happily with a friend of his. it wasn't long after this that i realized the fur coat was still in my closet and that he hadn't taken it with him when he left. so i had my mom turn it into a teddy bear. to me it symbolized that something horrible could be used to make something new and beautiful. six months later he contacted me asking if i still had the fur coat. i didn't respond and that is the last contact i have ever had with him. aita for repurposing my ex's family heirloom? tl;dr my ex's mom gave me a family heirloom fur coat and told me not to upcycle it into a teddy bear. i did it anyway after we broke up. [/INST] esh. you should have returned the family heirloom when you broke up or never accepted it in the first place. the entire middle four paragraphs of your story is completely irrelevant. you don’t get to go out of your way to destroy someone’s family heirloom because you were in an emotionally abusive relationship. and stop using the word “up cycling” to describe the destruction of a fur coat, and don’t trying to use that “symbolism” of something being beautiful to justify your poor judgment. you made an asshole move and the fact that you were in a shitty relationship to begin with doesn’t get you a free pass. </s>
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AITA? I bought my cousin’s daughter a $4K gift for Christmas and ended up spending more on her than her mother did. AITA for not checking with her mother first?
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i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well.
my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like.
my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it.
my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me.
i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like.
my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita?
| 8,930
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvdgzm/aita_i_bought_my_cousins_daughter_a_4k_gift_for/
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2022-12-26 03:00:23
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yta.
most 14 year old girls don't dream of ysl purses and cartier bracelets. i think the money has gone to your head, and you just don't live in the real world anymore. what is normal to you and your husband's family is not normal for the majority of the world.
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not sure whether yta or just completely oblivious.
the part that really gets me is this:
>i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like.
i think the money has corrupted your view of things, and it's what's creating problems here. i don't think 99.9.% of 14-year-olds have cartier and ysl on their lists. your kids want it, because apparently you've conditioned them to want such things.
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[removed]
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this one was a bit tough for me as i have been the recipient in situations like this but my parents were fine with it, even when it was a surprise.
for example, my dad was a teacher and did a lot of tutoring for rich families in our town on the side. some of those families became good friends of ours as well so these were family friends giving us gifts. we were not poverty-level poor but we lived in the worst house in a nice town with an excellent school district, and the mortgage on that shitty house was a stretch for my parents. we always struggled with money (and my brother and i certainly felt poor compared to our classmates) but our parents wanted us to be in this school district.
i remember one of those families (turned into a good family friend) was really grateful for my dad's tutoring. and even though he was paid a very good rate to tutor their kid, they were super grateful that their kid did well on his sats. they wanted to give my dad a bonus. my dad said it was unnecessary but because they kept insisting, he said that if they really wanted to, they could get me a little gift because i helped with the kid's sat tutoring. i was actually a couple years younger but had nearly aced my sats as a freshman (took them as practice for my psats bc i wanted to do well on those for scholarship purposes). to our surprise, they gifted me a fendi bag. it was apparently an entry level bag so to them, it was "small" but of course we were totally surprised.
my parents could not afford to spend hundreds, much less over a thousand dollars on a gift for me. but they did recognize that our expectations were just different. a small gift to us was not the same as a small gift to them. that being said, they were mainly just happy for me. and i never thought less of them for not being able to afford nicer gifts. i actually mainly remember being concerned with money issues in high school because i didn't want them to overextend themselves. i worked an after school job to go to some nerdy summer camps and pay for tickets/expenses for school dances and such. i don't want to imply i was a great kid all the time or that they were always awesome parents. i fought a lot with my dad growing up (he was controlling), but money was never an issue outside of my dad shaming me on "overspending" on his gifts once i had a full-time job after college (he grew up super poor during a civil war and had a lot of issues around financial insecurity).
this is a long-winded way of saying that i get it. you didn't think twice because your scale for normal is very different than your cousin's daughter's mother's expectations. i think it would have been nice to give her a heads up or talk to her first but ultimately it is a gift. and you can do what you want with your money. she can choose to see it as a nice surprise or take it as an insult, and i do think that's on her. it would have been nice to give a heads up but i don't think it's necessary so i'm leaning toward nta with the potential for a very soft e s h for not checking in with her first.
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nta.
i think you did a nice thing that was just a little extravagant and you unintentionally overshadowed her mother.
i think her mother overreacted. it’s not like you bought her a car or a puppy or something she needs to be responsible for.
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nta. i don't know why you're getting shit on here. you were doing something nice for her.
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tbh i think a lot of the “y t a” comments you’re getting are from people who are quite jealous and annoyed that you have so much money to spend. i don’t think you’re malicious at all. i don’t think the money was excessive but not enough for me to call you an a**hole. so i’m going to vote nta
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rich people problems
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not sure many will be able to relate.
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[removed]
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | 1
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well. my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like. my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it. my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me. i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like. my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well. my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like. my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it. my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me. i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like. my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita? [/INST] yta. most 14 year old girls don't dream of ysl purses and cartier bracelets. i think the money has gone to your head, and you just don't live in the real world anymore. what is normal to you and your husband's family is not normal for the majority of the world. </s>
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AITA for going to IKEA with my girlfriend and then refusing to pay half?
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my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything.
i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full.
she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff.
she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more.
we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap.
but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left.
the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here??
| 12,449
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sa74eh/aita_for_going_to_ikea_with_my_girlfriend_and/
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2022-01-22 17:14:43
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yta. if you thought things were too expensive or too much, the time to say so was *while shopping*. she was asking your opinion and you agreed to the purchases. why on earth did you just assume she was paying for everything? and a good portion of what you object to is honestly ridiculous— god forbid she want art or rugs in your apartment, right?
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>we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap.
if you thought that all of these things were unnecessary, why on earth did you not have a conversation about it while you were shopping and not at the cash register? did you really think that she was going to pay for all of it by herself????
this really makes yta.
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yta. you moved in. she's making it a home for you both. if you disagreed with what she was getting you probably had hours to speak up (given the size of ikea).
my husband & i go to ikea together. most purchases he asks where i'd this for & we discuss if it's really needed. you seem to have led her on by liking & agreeing to what she was picking. you're not a bachelor anymore. you need to communicate & work in a team.
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of course yta. you have moved in and are creating a home together. you have to expect to share expenses regarding things like the home you share. the fact that you previously lived in a "bachelor style apartment" (code for a regular apartment just with no furniture) isn't an excuse. just because you were comfortable living in a box with just a bed in it doesn't mean that she should have to. there's nothing wrong with getting a few soft furnishings to make a home feel more comfortable.
you should have spoken about what you planned to buy and how you would pay for everything before you went. and if you felt like she was getting carried away picking up too much stuff, that would have been the point to say she should probably reign it in because you were splitting the bill and it was getting too expensive. non-essentials could wait for another time, perhaps. not waiting until you got to the cashier to drop it on her that you have no intention of contributing anything at all.
it seems to me like you just expect her to be responsible for furnishing the home that you also live in instead of understanding that it's also your apartment now too. not a hotel. she's right to be mad.
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yta. mate, you had: a bed, a sofa, a tv. she wanted to make you _a home_. she clearly sees a future for you both even if she has to drag you there. please don't screw this up. she sounds really nice. communicate with her better.
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e s h for poor communication, but yta for one simple reason:
you were okay with the things your girlfriend wanted to buy -- all of them normal household items, many of them specifically for you -- when you thought she would be paying for them... but when she asks you to pony up, it's suddenly too much?
you two really should have talked about this beforehand and come up with a budget and a shopping list, as well as a plan for who would pay for what. communication is key. maybe you can sit down with her after you have both calmed down and go through the purchases one by one. she can explain the rationale for each item and you can either agree and chip in, or pass. for those items you believe are truly unnecessary or frivolous, she can choose pick up the difference if they are important to her or return them.
hopefully you can both chalk this up as a learning experience and do better next time.
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yta.
where did you think all of these completely necessary items were going to come from?
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info — you… don’t think you need soap dispensers or bathroom rugs ? i don’t even understand. are you trolling ? those are so basic
edit til that some people just put a towel down instead of using a rug. i legitimately have never met anyone who did that, so i learned a lot today. thanks reddit
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info: where do you store your clothes without a dresser? where do you place your phone/alarm clock, lamp, and other bedside items without a bedside table? what do you stand on when you step out of the shower without a bath mat/rug? these are necessary items for grownups. crates and such are great for storage when you are in college, but it is time for adulting. you should have paid for all of the costs for the items you specifically needed, split shares needed items, and the each cover “wants” on their own. yta, and if i was your gf, that would be the end of this relationship. i would rather live with a roommate than a so who doesn’t cover their expenses.
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info: were you planning to contribute *anything* to your shared living space besides a bed?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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INFO
| 0.055125
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything. i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full. she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff. she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more. we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left. the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything. i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full. she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff. she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more. we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left. the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here?? [/INST] yta. if you thought things were too expensive or too much, the time to say so was *while shopping*. she was asking your opinion and you agreed to the purchases. why on earth did you just assume she was paying for everything? and a good portion of what you object to is honestly ridiculous— god forbid she want art or rugs in your apartment, right? </s>
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AITA for pressing charges?
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my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school.
she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway
my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no.
she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it.
the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint.
since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too.
to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car.
am i the asshole in this situation?
i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything.
also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jn5elo/aita_for_pressing_charges/
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2020-11-03 06:26:22
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nta. sure, you could have spoken with them first before pressing charges, but that last sentence was very telling. that she would text you and basically retroactively threaten you to let her take the car or she’d vandalize it says a lot about her character, and she’d probably have charges pressed against her at some point in the future anyway. hopefully she learns a lesson to avoid that happening again. also, chores around the house to make up for it? it’s called community service ordered by the judge.
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nta please update us as well, i wanna hear her suffering the consequences of her actions.
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nta
i was "just a kid" once and didn't egg anything.
also, ruined paint on a vehicle isn't something one works off with chores. it's something one gets a job and pays for with money.
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nta. your cousin is a gaping asshole for blaming you, and her parents are assholes for enabling her bs. press charges and make her pay for the damage.
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nta she's 18 and is an adult.
if she's going to act like that she can deal with the consequences.
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she lied to her friends, refused to accept no for an answer, trespassed and committed vandalism and property damage.....and you are the asshole??..... i'm trying desperately to understand that leap..... anyone else??
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nta. she's not "just a kid". she's old enough to understand action = consequences.
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nta. she decided to do something criminal because you said “no” and her parents are trying to enable her. her excuse is... well if you didn’t say no i wouldn’t have done it? no. you are not to blame for this.
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nta - and the fact that she's *blaming you* because you refused to lend her the car says that her parents have been running interference for her entitled behavior for too long.
she's 18, she's a legal adult - play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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nta. and with how enabling her parents are, i am genuinely surprised they didn’t get her a car.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school. she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no. she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it. the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint. since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too. to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car. am i the asshole in this situation? i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything. also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school. she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no. she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it. the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint. since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too. to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car. am i the asshole in this situation? i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything. also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap. [/INST] nta. sure, you could have spoken with them first before pressing charges, but that last sentence was very telling. that she would text you and basically retroactively threaten you to let her take the car or she’d vandalize it says a lot about her character, and she’d probably have charges pressed against her at some point in the future anyway. hopefully she learns a lesson to avoid that happening again. also, chores around the house to make up for it? it’s called community service ordered by the judge. </s>
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