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AITA For yelling at my daughters (14F) high school counselor for dress coding her?
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hey everyone,
so yesterday i get a alarming text from my daughter while at work/running errands. she says “ daddy i need you right now!”. me being over protective i asked her what happened and immediately dripping everything to drive up to her school. she said a particular counselor had given her a detention slip because of her pants. when i saw her getting dressed for school, she wore these pink and black batman pajama pants that she has worn before.
as i’m making the drive to her school she calls me and says the counselor is following her and yelling at her to call me or she’s going to have detention all week. by the time i get to the school, my daughter is in tears saying she continued the threat of detention while she was in class and that she followed her into the classroom. at this point i’m pissed.
i get ahold of the counselor and absolutely lose my cool. i asked why was my daughter being targeted when i clearly saw at least 5 other students with similar style pants. and are they being subjected to the same reaction that my daughter got, and she told me to mind my business and worry about my daughter. i kept my cool at that point because she called the school police as i was leaving.
so aita for cussing out her counselor and possibly making it worse for her with that counselor?
edit1: thank you all for actually putting me in my place. i know i over reacted, but the schools dress code initially didn’t say any thing objecting to pj’s. only items that were too revealing. but the code was just updated last week apparently.
edit2: i also went to the school this morning and spoke with the principal. and i also apologized to the counselor for my actions.
| 2,693
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tyb8hp/aita_for_yelling_at_my_daughters_14f_high_school/
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2022-04-07 11:45:22
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esh. it sounds like the counsellor is applying rules unevenly, but it also doesn’t sound like you stopped even for a second to get their take. your daughter may not have recounted an unbiased view of events. also, it’s just not cool to behave aggressively towards anyone. you should have remained calm and understood the situation. if you weren’t happy, then you could have escalated this via the appropriate channels.
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nta. the school counselor was following op’s child around yelling at her enough that she was in tears? and followed her into the classroom to continue
this *during class*? and all the threats are because of a dress code violation for pajama pants? op should be upset. i was in his daughter’s shoes a few times in high school (without the counselor yelling bit). i remember one dress code violation was for wearing the same exact skirt other kids were wearing and i pointed out a few people in the hallway wearing the same skirt, but apparently that didn’t matter. my parents were just as upset.
op yelling may not be his finest moment, but i don’t think he’s as ah for it.
only thing i’d advise is that op should raise the issue with the principal. and if this happens again, to go to the principal first and not talk to the counselor or whoever else issues the violation.
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these comments are weird lol. im gonna say esh. your reaction was a little extreme. but i think you did right trying to stick up for your daughter. dress codes in high school are so ridiculous. kids went to class in pajamas in college all the time, didn’t distract them from learning. your daughter should be able to question unreasonable rules. but losing your cool for something relatively small isn’t what you want to teach her
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i'm guessing theres a lot missing from this story
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yta.
let's be honest here: people like you are one of the main reasons why good educators are fleeing the profession. students are willfully ignoring teachers' instructions knowing that the teachers have little power to do anything and if they do, they will get tons of grief and maybe even a lawsuit from their parents.
did you know the dress code policy? did you calmly ask to see it? did you ask why the counselor threatened to send your daughter to detention for a week? i guarantee you it was not for the dress code violation. your daughter was likely insubordinate and rude, maybe downright hostile. (your statement that she needed to "call you" or she'd have detention for a week implies that the counselor just asked her to go home and change and your daughter refused in a not courteous way.)
i'd be mad at your daughter. there was no danger or emergency. her text sounded like her life or health was at risk, which is far from the case.
was there an unfair application of the policy? maybe. but screaming in public such that the police had to be called doesn't solve anything.
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yta
come on now, have a little self respect and respect for your daughter to not go yelling in the halls about nonsense.
even if you disagree with the counsellor, act like an adult and take it behind closed doors.
and if the school has issues with pajammies, maybe it's time to invest in big girl clothes. spoken as a girl who owns more pajammies than big girl clothes, there is a time and a place.
don't let her settle into the whole pajammies in wal-mart is somehow the norm crew. it's not. it just screams trashy.
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high school teacher here. nta - counselor was way out of line and being a jerk. there is nothing so wrong about a dress code violation that a student should be reduced to tears over it. pajama pants are fine. following a child to their classroom to berate them is insanely unprofessional and contrary to the counselor's job. you shouldn't have lost your cool, because that weakens your bargaining position. i would let administration know, and say that you want your daughter to have no more contact with this counselor.
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yta. your kid claims there are other kids to avoid being in trouble (op edited his post). dress codes are made by the school district and not the counselor. if they said something to your kid they say something to every kid.
you are teaching your child she shouldn't have consequences to her actions. she is gunna have a rough life thanks to you. which makes you a double ah.
also congrats you taught your daughter how to manipulate you.
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yta - to be fair it's difficult to assess, cause the degree of assholeness of each person sort of depends on far the other was pushing the limits of propriety.
however, you were already pissed before you even spoken to the guidance counselor and by your own explanation lost your cool almost immediately. i'm not telling you not to believe your daughter, but going after someone who is doing their job in a blind rage without as much as double checking what exactly went down is crazy. that person is doing their (if this is the us severely underpaid) job and you made them feel so threatened that they called the police. what on earth are you trying to teach your daughter by behaving this way?
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yta - being upset about a perceived misapplication of the rules and swearing achieves *nothing*.
its ok to be upset, but it really sounds like a dispute about what clothing is acceptable got way out of hand.
the counselor should've never followed your daughter threatening detention either. it actually sounds like there's more to the story than just the school dress code...
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.246103
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey everyone, so yesterday i get a alarming text from my daughter while at work/running errands. she says “ daddy i need you right now!”. me being over protective i asked her what happened and immediately dripping everything to drive up to her school. she said a particular counselor had given her a detention slip because of her pants. when i saw her getting dressed for school, she wore these pink and black batman pajama pants that she has worn before. as i’m making the drive to her school she calls me and says the counselor is following her and yelling at her to call me or she’s going to have detention all week. by the time i get to the school, my daughter is in tears saying she continued the threat of detention while she was in class and that she followed her into the classroom. at this point i’m pissed. i get ahold of the counselor and absolutely lose my cool. i asked why was my daughter being targeted when i clearly saw at least 5 other students with similar style pants. and are they being subjected to the same reaction that my daughter got, and she told me to mind my business and worry about my daughter. i kept my cool at that point because she called the school police as i was leaving. so aita for cussing out her counselor and possibly making it worse for her with that counselor? edit1: thank you all for actually putting me in my place. i know i over reacted, but the schools dress code initially didn’t say any thing objecting to pj’s. only items that were too revealing. but the code was just updated last week apparently. edit2: i also went to the school this morning and spoke with the principal. and i also apologized to the counselor for my actions.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey everyone, so yesterday i get a alarming text from my daughter while at work/running errands. she says “ daddy i need you right now!”. me being over protective i asked her what happened and immediately dripping everything to drive up to her school. she said a particular counselor had given her a detention slip because of her pants. when i saw her getting dressed for school, she wore these pink and black batman pajama pants that she has worn before. as i’m making the drive to her school she calls me and says the counselor is following her and yelling at her to call me or she’s going to have detention all week. by the time i get to the school, my daughter is in tears saying she continued the threat of detention while she was in class and that she followed her into the classroom. at this point i’m pissed. i get ahold of the counselor and absolutely lose my cool. i asked why was my daughter being targeted when i clearly saw at least 5 other students with similar style pants. and are they being subjected to the same reaction that my daughter got, and she told me to mind my business and worry about my daughter. i kept my cool at that point because she called the school police as i was leaving. so aita for cussing out her counselor and possibly making it worse for her with that counselor? edit1: thank you all for actually putting me in my place. i know i over reacted, but the schools dress code initially didn’t say any thing objecting to pj’s. only items that were too revealing. but the code was just updated last week apparently. edit2: i also went to the school this morning and spoke with the principal. and i also apologized to the counselor for my actions. [/INST] esh. it sounds like the counsellor is applying rules unevenly, but it also doesn’t sound like you stopped even for a second to get their take. your daughter may not have recounted an unbiased view of events. also, it’s just not cool to behave aggressively towards anyone. you should have remained calm and understood the situation. if you weren’t happy, then you could have escalated this via the appropriate channels. </s>
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AITA for accidentally miss gendering my daughter?
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first time using reddit.
me (male 32) and my adopted daughter (female 15) live alone in my house after my ex decided to walk out of the picture right after adopting her.
and since quarantine started due to the virus i have started to notice small things that i usually wouldn't have noticed due to working almost all day, like her starting to act more feminine or secretly doing activities that are normally called "girl only" activities by society, and i started to think that she might be gay (i didn't know that transgender was a thing until yesterday).
so i started to think in how to tell her that i supporter her when she eventually came out to me.
and she came out to me yesterday, she told me that she was gay and transgender, i didn't know what transgender was and told her "well, i don't exactly know what transgender is but i'm always gonna consider you my son and i'm always gonna support you", and yes i know i fucked up by saying that, she started to cry and run to her bedroom and locked herself inside, and now after searching what transgender is i starter to feel like shit and i wanted to ask for the opinion of reddit.
aita for doing an honest mistake and accidentally miss gendering my daughter?
| 2,473
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jf7fxi/aita_for_accidentally_miss_gendering_my_daughter/
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2020-10-21 06:09:46
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nah. just go to her and tell her you didn’t completely understand because you didn’t know what transgender meant and that of course she will always be your daughter and you love her 💯
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nah. that was a pretty big mistake, but not an irreparable one. make a sincere apology. ask her what language makes her feel most comfortable, and with whom (for example, maybe she wants you to use she/her pronouns for her with one set of grandparents, but isn't ready to come out to the other set. maybe she's comfortable with some affectionate nicknames but not others - maybe "buddy" is ok but "dude" is not).
start reading and learning. it can take a while to change the way our parents taught us to think, but eventually transgender issues will be a lot less confusing.
here are some good starting places:
https://www.mykidisgay.com/
https://www.hrc.org/resources/transgender-children-and-youth-understanding-the-basics
https://ourtranstruth.org/family/
pflag has support groups as well as online resources. you might have one local to you: https://pflag.org/needsupport
you can also check out subreddits like r/asktransgender
just a note of caution: there are lots of websites/articles that are sort of a bait-and-switch - they'll claim to be a resource for parents of trans kids, but they're really just guides for how to push your kid back in the closet. they'll talk about "curing" gender dysphoria, or how transitioning doesn't actually help, and they'll cite serious-sounding studies (usually debunked or poorly-researched) to back up their opinions. so keep an eye out for over-the-top claims (no, 8 year olds are not getting gender affirming surgery, that's not how anything works) and all-or-nothing language (no, not every child who questions their gender ends up transitioning - many do, but some don't).
in contrast, here is a statement from the american academy of pediatrics, a very credible and reliable source: https://www.healthychildren.org/english/news/pages/support-for-transgender-and-gender-diverse-children-and-adolescents.aspx
good luck! and congratulations on your daughter.
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nah. my heart goes out to her. the initial coming out takes a lot of courage and your response was unfortunate. i say unfortunate instead of something with more bite because i’m choosing to believe what you wrote and that this was completely unintentional.
go talk to her (or write a letter if she’s not up to a conversation yet) and restate what you did using her correct pronouns. let her know that you are here to support *her* in every way that you can and that you appreciate her trust in confiding in you. it’s important to note that you can’t promise her that you’ll always say the right thing but that you’re always willing to try.
best wishes to you both.
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nah, if you sincerely didn't know.
apologize to your daughter and move on. you strike as supportive if slightly confused, so your heart's in the right place.
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nah - it is really surprising that you don’t know what transgender is in this day and age, however, if that is true, then you are not the asshole. it is clear in your post that you tried very hard to use the correct pronouns. you were trying to use a supportive phrase that many people use when their children come out as gay, reminding them they will always be your child, but it came out so so wrong. having not known what trans is, then it was an honest mistake. i think if you explain you didn’t know what trans is, and tell her you were just trying to support her and you are absolutely fine with her being a girl and using she/her pronouns, that she will be okay, and probably even have a good laugh at your naivety.
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nah-from the context you weren’t referring to her as a male but as your child. you misspoke but i don’t think that makes you an asshole. your daughter is not an asshole for being upset.
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nah, you just made a well-intentioned mistake. explain to her that you meant she'll always be your *child* and that you misspoke. the most important thing is that she knows you're there to support her.
*
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nah
but you need to go knock on her door asap and say "i'm sorry, i was trying to be supportive and fucked it up. i looked up what transgender means, and i want to say that i will always consider you my daughter, and that i will always support you." even if you have to say it through a closed door. if she continues to keep the door shut, slide a handwritten note under the door stating your regret for hurting her, your ignorance on the matter, and that going forward you intend to do right by her.
your ignorance on the matter is no one's fault, but you inaverdantly said one of the worst sentences possible to a trans child. be very clear to your daughter that while you intended to be supportive of her, you know now that what you said was alienating and hurtful. restate that you meant that you are supportive and love your child, no matter her gender identity. then recognize the courage she displayed for coming out to you like that.
look up pflag (parents for lesbian and gay children, though they are much more inclusive then that nowadays). your area may have a local chapter, or another similar group for other parents who want to do right.
you are a good parent. i want to emphasize that. but your actions caused harm through your ignorance, and you need to show your daughter your love and acceptance of her as soon as possible. good luck!
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transwoman here! nah. not everyone knows about or gets trans issues. when you're in your online trans bubble, it feels like everyone knows! shes understandably upset because you admittedly messed up, but it was out of simple ignorance and not malice. talk to her, reassure her, and ask for her help in navigating these new waters!
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first time using reddit. me (male 32) and my adopted daughter (female 15) live alone in my house after my ex decided to walk out of the picture right after adopting her. and since quarantine started due to the virus i have started to notice small things that i usually wouldn't have noticed due to working almost all day, like her starting to act more feminine or secretly doing activities that are normally called "girl only" activities by society, and i started to think that she might be gay (i didn't know that transgender was a thing until yesterday). so i started to think in how to tell her that i supporter her when she eventually came out to me. and she came out to me yesterday, she told me that she was gay and transgender, i didn't know what transgender was and told her "well, i don't exactly know what transgender is but i'm always gonna consider you my son and i'm always gonna support you", and yes i know i fucked up by saying that, she started to cry and run to her bedroom and locked herself inside, and now after searching what transgender is i starter to feel like shit and i wanted to ask for the opinion of reddit. aita for doing an honest mistake and accidentally miss gendering my daughter?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first time using reddit. me (male 32) and my adopted daughter (female 15) live alone in my house after my ex decided to walk out of the picture right after adopting her. and since quarantine started due to the virus i have started to notice small things that i usually wouldn't have noticed due to working almost all day, like her starting to act more feminine or secretly doing activities that are normally called "girl only" activities by society, and i started to think that she might be gay (i didn't know that transgender was a thing until yesterday). so i started to think in how to tell her that i supporter her when she eventually came out to me. and she came out to me yesterday, she told me that she was gay and transgender, i didn't know what transgender was and told her "well, i don't exactly know what transgender is but i'm always gonna consider you my son and i'm always gonna support you", and yes i know i fucked up by saying that, she started to cry and run to her bedroom and locked herself inside, and now after searching what transgender is i starter to feel like shit and i wanted to ask for the opinion of reddit. aita for doing an honest mistake and accidentally miss gendering my daughter? [/INST] nah. just go to her and tell her you didn’t completely understand because you didn’t know what transgender meant and that of course she will always be your daughter and you love her 💯 </s>
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AITA for tricking my girlfriend into eating authentic Turkish food?
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my girlfriend and i are university students living in the us. she is from turkey, and appropriately, she shares her home culture with me quite a bit. i had had no real concept of what turkey was like before i met her, but i have been eager to learn.
we are currently cohabitating, and as of late we have been ordering in/getting take out quite often. she wanted to introduce me to authentic turkish food one time, and so we ordered from a nearby turkish restaurant. when the food came, she changed from the typical friendly/nice person she usually is into an angry professional food critic. she was (figuratively) gordon ramsay, and the cooks at the restaurant had failed to properly sear the (figurative) scallops. she said it was absolutely dreadful and no turkish chef would serve something like that.
for the record, i found it quite tasty, but after some investigation we found that the restaurant served turkish food, but it was not made by a "real" turkish chef. i'm under the belief that with training and expertise anyone can learn how to make anything, but she strongly disagrees and asserts that if you want to make authentic turkish food, you must have had grown up in turkey to develop your palate.
the problem now is that no matter which turkish restaurant we order from, it is never enough. it's too salty. it's too sweet. the spices aren't those any turkish chef would use. i have found the vast majority of the dishes we've ordered delicious, and she ate them up every time, but to be frank it's getting to the level where i think she's just gatekeeping turkish food.
i was tired of it. i looked into the most authentic turkish restaurant in driving distance that i could find. i found one a couple of hours away in the city. the chef was from turkey, and the reviews were dynamite. many of them were from turkish people who lived there or previous expats in turkey. the food cost a pretty penny as well. i drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back.
when i got home, i said i got turkish food, and she heated it up for us as it had gotten a bit cold. after heating it up and digging in, she immediately said that it was an "abomination" (i legitimately think she uses a turkish-english dictionary to prepare phrases for creative ways to badmouth the food we get). at this point i had had it, and told her that i got it from the most authentic turkish place in the state. i showed her the restaurant's page, its reviews, and its reviews from turkish people.
she immediately got defensive and said i tricked her, that turkish food needs to be hot off the grill to be good, and that i don't know anything about it. i tried to reason with her and say that i wanted to enjoy food together and not live with joe from hell's kitchen, but now she's giving me the cold shoulder. i feel like i'm right, but i may still be an ass here.
please provide any input. i don't know if i owe her an apology or if i should stick to my guns.
**
| 1,714
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nncggf/aita_for_tricking_my_girlfriend_into_eating/
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2021-05-29 01:24:06
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info: what exactly did you hope to accomplish here?
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as a fellow middle easterner, no one will ever make baklava or easter bread like my grandmother's, no matter how interesting or good. that's because i am viewing it through the eyes of love and memory, not how it actually tastes. for us, food isn't just food. it's about connection and history and relationships.
maybe try to understand why she's reacting so strongly, rather than prove her wrong? maybe she's homesick, or the different food really brings home how far away she is from her loved ones.
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yikes! yta. so you drove half a day to try to prove that she was an asshole? script flipped, my man...it’s actually you.
in her mind “authentic” could really just equate to how her family cooked it, or how it was cooked in the area her family was from.
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info: so why do you keep getting turkish food when she obviously will always find fault?
also does she act this way about other food (being critical)?
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do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship? because it sounds like you just want to be right here, and you can’t have both.
yta.
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yta and your point doesn't even hold up. the food went cold and had to be heated up, it probably didn't taste half as good as it could have been. why you decided to be so petty when you vould have just driven girlfriend to fancy turkish place for a nice meal is beyond me.
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this feels like that post about the boyfriend tricking his girlfriend to say food from hooters was delicious to prove some ridiculous point by lying about where he got the food.
you seem to think that because it was "authentic" as far as you were concerned, she should like it. and that because she complained as much about it as all the other turkish food she's had, that means she's lying? if she'd automatically changed her story and called it delicious, you might have an argument. but she didn't. if you don't like her complaining about turkish food, stop ordering turkish food with her. yta
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> i looked into the most authentic turkish restaurant in driving distance that i could find. i found one a couple of hours away in the city. [..] i drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back.
…why?
why do you care so much what she thinks of turkish food? why trick her? why try and convince her? why not let her enjoy what she enjoys?
yta. grab a copy of moby dick or something.
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esh. you suck for continuing to play this game trying to prove her wrong. she sucks for continuing to be so critical of all turkish restaurants.
for one thing, restaurant food is never the same as a home-cooked meal, no matter what culture. and for another, she’s not in turkey, so even if it is a turkish restaurant it is likely to be at least a little bit “americanized” to have more satisfied customers that are used to a different spice pallet.
i’d have told her after like the third restaurant that i’d not want to get turkish food with her anymore because she is so overly critical and it ruins the dining experience.
i was ready to say just you because it’s always an asshole move to “trick” someone into eating something. but you told her it was turkish food, so i don’t really understand where the “trickery” was here? just the name of the restaurant?
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[deleted]
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null | 0.041844
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i are university students living in the us. she is from turkey, and appropriately, she shares her home culture with me quite a bit. i had had no real concept of what turkey was like before i met her, but i have been eager to learn. we are currently cohabitating, and as of late we have been ordering in/getting take out quite often. she wanted to introduce me to authentic turkish food one time, and so we ordered from a nearby turkish restaurant. when the food came, she changed from the typical friendly/nice person she usually is into an angry professional food critic. she was (figuratively) gordon ramsay, and the cooks at the restaurant had failed to properly sear the (figurative) scallops. she said it was absolutely dreadful and no turkish chef would serve something like that. for the record, i found it quite tasty, but after some investigation we found that the restaurant served turkish food, but it was not made by a "real" turkish chef. i'm under the belief that with training and expertise anyone can learn how to make anything, but she strongly disagrees and asserts that if you want to make authentic turkish food, you must have had grown up in turkey to develop your palate. the problem now is that no matter which turkish restaurant we order from, it is never enough. it's too salty. it's too sweet. the spices aren't those any turkish chef would use. i have found the vast majority of the dishes we've ordered delicious, and she ate them up every time, but to be frank it's getting to the level where i think she's just gatekeeping turkish food. i was tired of it. i looked into the most authentic turkish restaurant in driving distance that i could find. i found one a couple of hours away in the city. the chef was from turkey, and the reviews were dynamite. many of them were from turkish people who lived there or previous expats in turkey. the food cost a pretty penny as well. i drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back. when i got home, i said i got turkish food, and she heated it up for us as it had gotten a bit cold. after heating it up and digging in, she immediately said that it was an "abomination" (i legitimately think she uses a turkish-english dictionary to prepare phrases for creative ways to badmouth the food we get). at this point i had had it, and told her that i got it from the most authentic turkish place in the state. i showed her the restaurant's page, its reviews, and its reviews from turkish people. she immediately got defensive and said i tricked her, that turkish food needs to be hot off the grill to be good, and that i don't know anything about it. i tried to reason with her and say that i wanted to enjoy food together and not live with joe from hell's kitchen, but now she's giving me the cold shoulder. i feel like i'm right, but i may still be an ass here. please provide any input. i don't know if i owe her an apology or if i should stick to my guns. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i are university students living in the us. she is from turkey, and appropriately, she shares her home culture with me quite a bit. i had had no real concept of what turkey was like before i met her, but i have been eager to learn. we are currently cohabitating, and as of late we have been ordering in/getting take out quite often. she wanted to introduce me to authentic turkish food one time, and so we ordered from a nearby turkish restaurant. when the food came, she changed from the typical friendly/nice person she usually is into an angry professional food critic. she was (figuratively) gordon ramsay, and the cooks at the restaurant had failed to properly sear the (figurative) scallops. she said it was absolutely dreadful and no turkish chef would serve something like that. for the record, i found it quite tasty, but after some investigation we found that the restaurant served turkish food, but it was not made by a "real" turkish chef. i'm under the belief that with training and expertise anyone can learn how to make anything, but she strongly disagrees and asserts that if you want to make authentic turkish food, you must have had grown up in turkey to develop your palate. the problem now is that no matter which turkish restaurant we order from, it is never enough. it's too salty. it's too sweet. the spices aren't those any turkish chef would use. i have found the vast majority of the dishes we've ordered delicious, and she ate them up every time, but to be frank it's getting to the level where i think she's just gatekeeping turkish food. i was tired of it. i looked into the most authentic turkish restaurant in driving distance that i could find. i found one a couple of hours away in the city. the chef was from turkey, and the reviews were dynamite. many of them were from turkish people who lived there or previous expats in turkey. the food cost a pretty penny as well. i drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back. when i got home, i said i got turkish food, and she heated it up for us as it had gotten a bit cold. after heating it up and digging in, she immediately said that it was an "abomination" (i legitimately think she uses a turkish-english dictionary to prepare phrases for creative ways to badmouth the food we get). at this point i had had it, and told her that i got it from the most authentic turkish place in the state. i showed her the restaurant's page, its reviews, and its reviews from turkish people. she immediately got defensive and said i tricked her, that turkish food needs to be hot off the grill to be good, and that i don't know anything about it. i tried to reason with her and say that i wanted to enjoy food together and not live with joe from hell's kitchen, but now she's giving me the cold shoulder. i feel like i'm right, but i may still be an ass here. please provide any input. i don't know if i owe her an apology or if i should stick to my guns. ** [/INST] info: what exactly did you hope to accomplish here? </s>
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AITA for letting my daughter get a piercing because her stepmother said no
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my daughter (15f) came home after spending a weekend with her father and she expressed that she really wanted a nose piercing but her stepmother said no because she’s too young and her dad agreed.
i was angry hearing this because that is a discussion that her actual parents (her father and i) should have together. i’m not sure why her stepmom would try and make that decision when she has no right to have any input.
yesterday i took her to a piercing shop and let her get the piercing without informing her father so now he and his wife are unhappy with me and are calling me “childish.” but i simply don’t want some random woman to try and act like my daughter’s mother.
aita
| 4,110
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1mo4q/aita_for_letting_my_daughter_get_a_piercing/
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2020-11-26 20:24:54
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esh. if you think this is a decision you and her father should make together, then that's what you should have done.
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yta
you did the exact same thing they did.
i hope all of your daughter's parents learn to communicate properly instead of playing petty games.
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esh that was spiteful and immature. what happened to the parents discussing this that you supposedly cared so much about? bad example for your kid.
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i'd say the biggest problem is that you've now created an environment where your daughter knows exactly how to play you to get her own way.
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esh.
both you and your ex are parenting like petulant teenagers. your daughter is playing you against each other. grow up and act like an adult or you'll wind up with a grown daughter that is as emotionally stunted as you and your ex are.
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info: did you confirm any part of her story with your ex and his wife before you took your daughter to get the piercing?
if you didn’t, props to your daughter, the future politician, for her ability to play the situation and you like a cheap violin.
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yta. you did this specifically to spite the stepmother, and that's just nasty. you are right, that's a conversation that should've been held between you and your ex. you are wrong for allowing your daughter to get her nose pierced not because she wanted to, but because you wanted to play a childish game and get back at the stepmother by asserting your dominance as the bio mom.
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yta - stepmother is not just a random woman, like it or not she is a caregiver for your child. if she even occasionally cares for the child sometimes decisions like this will fall on her, after all, your daughter must have asked her in the first place for her to be able to say no.
her saying no was reasonable, especially as it was because she thought she was too young, therefore its not a “no, never” its a “no for now”. also seems like she was open to discussion about it since the father had the opportunity to agree. a no can easily be changed to a yes after discussion, but you can’t go back on a hastily pierced nose.
by going against them, you’re teaching your daughter not to respect her stepmother, and by extension her father, and also teaching her to play you against each other in order to manipulate situations into her desired outcome.
if you were upset by them making a decision you felt you should be included in, you should have addressed it directly with them. your argument seems to be against “a random woman” making the decision, but her father has said no. if one parent says no, and one says yes, in my opinion it shouldn’t be done. with the father saying no, consulting you seems like a waste of time. if it had been the opposite, and they had said yes, then 100% they should also get your consent.
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esh. you're co-parenting a teenage daughter. i can assure you your long-term parenting experience will be 1000% more enjoyable if you and your partner are united about things like this. now, you can pretty much guarantee that next time you say no to something, your partner will say yes. worst-case scenario, you've started a ping-pong match of you undermining each other's authorities.
your daughter's stepmother is now one of her parents. you may not like that, but you have to play the metaphorical hand you're dealt. in the future, you can handle situations like this by saying something like "if you still want a piercing by the time it's your birthday, i'll talk to your father and see if i can get him to agree".
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esh except the child. this should have been a discussion between you, your ex, and your child. instead, your ex made a unilateral decision, then you made a unilateral decision overruling him.
> random woman
i mean, she's your daughter's stepmother. certainly you should discuss with them about how much of a say she should have in parenting, but she's hardly a stranger off the street. i would be wondering if your daughter expressed a desire and was given an opinion on the matter, or if she actually asked for permission and was given a hard no.
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.047528
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter (15f) came home after spending a weekend with her father and she expressed that she really wanted a nose piercing but her stepmother said no because she’s too young and her dad agreed. i was angry hearing this because that is a discussion that her actual parents (her father and i) should have together. i’m not sure why her stepmom would try and make that decision when she has no right to have any input. yesterday i took her to a piercing shop and let her get the piercing without informing her father so now he and his wife are unhappy with me and are calling me “childish.” but i simply don’t want some random woman to try and act like my daughter’s mother. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (15f) came home after spending a weekend with her father and she expressed that she really wanted a nose piercing but her stepmother said no because she’s too young and her dad agreed. i was angry hearing this because that is a discussion that her actual parents (her father and i) should have together. i’m not sure why her stepmom would try and make that decision when she has no right to have any input. yesterday i took her to a piercing shop and let her get the piercing without informing her father so now he and his wife are unhappy with me and are calling me “childish.” but i simply don’t want some random woman to try and act like my daughter’s mother. aita [/INST] esh. if you think this is a decision you and her father should make together, then that's what you should have done. </s>
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AITA for telling a woman who lives in my complex that yes having her husband check me out turns me on?
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okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here.
this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means.
so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm.
i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?
| 28,405
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fvx43x/aita_for_telling_a_woman_who_lives_in_my_complex/
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2020-04-06 11:28:35
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nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled.
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nta, that's hilarious. yes, she is insecure, and that's sad. but she tried to made that insecurity your problem, so you have every right to hand it back to her and make her deal with it herself.
sometimes i think that women like that really want to control their partners, but they can't so instead try to control all the women around their partners. they are both controlling and deluded.
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nta. what did she expect? her goal was to make you feel like crap. you don't have to accept that. good for you. mayne she'll think twice in the future.
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nta
that's hysterical. at least her husband thought so!
no, it wasn't the most demure response, but the woman thought she could shame you, but instead you embarrassed her! she'll think twice before talking crap like that again to a perfect stranger.
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oh man i was all set to say you were ta based on the title, but given the rest of the context, you are not only nta, you are my hero.
i worked as a lifeguard through high school and college. at my last pool, a member apparently complained to management, asking that i should be required to wear something less revealing (it was a lifeguard suit, the same one my two female coworkers wore, but she only complained about me). when management pressed about why it was an issue, she apparently shouted “i have body issues!” and scurried away.
the owner, manager, and assistant manager all discussed it and decided to never tell me because “her body issues were not [my] problem.” (eventually i did find out about it, obviously.)
since then, that’s been my go-to for any woman shaming another for looking healthy in their general vicinity: a person’s body issues belong to that person alone and are no one else’s responsibility.
and props on the hilarious reply, i probably would have just sputtered and felt bad about myself and then cried later and not left the house without a hoodie for many weeks - even if i knew she was wrong (i can see why my bosses decided not to tell me about the body shamer).
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[removed]
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nta, she confronted you, even if she is insecure she was looking for a fight
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esh to varying to degrees. you only suck a tiny bit for not being a tad more sensitive. the woman is misdirecting her anger and her husband is kind of a dick for making it so blatant that she feels threatened.
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[deleted]
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nta. she set out to make you feel negatively. you gave that negativity right back and she didn't like it. moral is, don't dish it out if you can't take it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.01744
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita? [/INST] nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend a month after my birthday that I was disappointed?
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so last month was my 27th birthday and of course with the pandemic going around it was certainly not the most exciting birthday. however after a month of just thinking about it on and off i decided to tell my girlfriend of 2 years that i feel disappointed in how that day went.
unfortunately, i was working on my birthday so i was not able to spend the day with her, but rather than wishing me a happy birthday or even getting up with me before i leave, i received a happy birthday message a few hours into my shift. no big of course, slightly disappointed but i moved on quick.
after my shift at work, girlfriend ordered us steak dinners (using my card as hers doesn't work with uber eats) that unfortunately got delivered to the wrong house by the delivery driver. no big deal, i called uber eats, got a refund and ordered the same meal again. while eating girlfriend tells me that she wanted to get me a gift but it was sold out. she dropped the conversation about my gift after that.
we finished our meals and girlfriend is tired and wants to go to bed. so we go to sleep and that summed up my birthday.
now i know that i shouldn't have expectations with covid going around but now a month later i do feel a little disappointed that all i really got that day was a dinner i paid for myself and a late birthday congratulation. she responded rather negative when i told her of my disappointment so am i the asshole for telling her a month later that i wished i had gotten more? sorry for my english, its my second language.
| 745
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jd4qkg/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_a_month_after_my/
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2020-10-17 22:39:11
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info: what were you hoping would come of sharing this with her? did you want her to feel bad, or were you hoping for a redo? did you just want her to know before your next birthday to set expectations?
i guess if i were her, i might be wondering what you wanted me to do about this now, a month later.
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nta- you should share your feelings with gf. if your birthday was disappointing( which it sounds like it was) you should share that with her. but like you said with the pandemic going on there’s really not much you could have done.
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yta not because you were disappointed about your birthday but because you waited a month to tell her.
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esh i understand your disappointment, but mentioning it a month later is just like bringing up old grudges. can seem pitiful.
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nta. gift is sold out, she could buy something else. if it was something you really wanted, promise and buy it once it's back in stock.
why isn't she paying for dinner. going to the grocery store and cooking a steak with patties and veggies really that hard? there's other options than uber eats. driving to a restaurant for take out is one too.
all in all if you have to work on your birthday a happy birthday before leaving or when you get home in person with a meal and gift is basic. doesn't have to be an expensive meal and gift.
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nta- it sounds like you feel she went low effort in your birthday, and instead of making it a big deal on the birthday, you just rolled with it. after a couple weeks, you realized it bothered you, so you brought it up.
i think it's ok to talk about that. if you're mad about stuff, then that is not great. but if you're dad because she was lazy, then i think you're good to talk about it
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info: what do you do for her birthday?
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this is a tough call but i'm going with a very gentle yta on this one, with a taste of esh, and here's why.
on one hand, being unhappy that a significant event in your life wasn't acknowledged to your satisfaction can be a little demoralizing, especially when it's your so. on the other hand, 27 is a little old to be worrying about birthdays being recognized in the same way they were when you were a kid. these things lose their resonance as we age. you're not gonna be throwing a sweet 16 level gala when you turn 36. it's just a day. little gestures should be okay, and your so met that bar, even if it wasn't flawlessly executed. just thank her for the effort, and if you require more attention focused on you during these times, discuss it with her at length so she knows what your needs are. if she knows that this is important to you and still ignores it, that's one thing. but waiting days and days to confront her is bad, because that wound has now simmered and festered and you've had time to ruminate on how this is just another way your so sucks. now it's a fight. i've been there.
i used to be you, i hated being snubbed on birthdays and shit. eventually, around age 23 or so, i realized it's all a bit farcical and silly, and quality time spent together is better than expensive meals and trips and gifts. just communicate.
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nta you needed time to think about it. she needed to at least pay for dinner. how did you celebrate her last bday?
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
| null | 0.567012
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so last month was my 27th birthday and of course with the pandemic going around it was certainly not the most exciting birthday. however after a month of just thinking about it on and off i decided to tell my girlfriend of 2 years that i feel disappointed in how that day went. unfortunately, i was working on my birthday so i was not able to spend the day with her, but rather than wishing me a happy birthday or even getting up with me before i leave, i received a happy birthday message a few hours into my shift. no big of course, slightly disappointed but i moved on quick. after my shift at work, girlfriend ordered us steak dinners (using my card as hers doesn't work with uber eats) that unfortunately got delivered to the wrong house by the delivery driver. no big deal, i called uber eats, got a refund and ordered the same meal again. while eating girlfriend tells me that she wanted to get me a gift but it was sold out. she dropped the conversation about my gift after that. we finished our meals and girlfriend is tired and wants to go to bed. so we go to sleep and that summed up my birthday. now i know that i shouldn't have expectations with covid going around but now a month later i do feel a little disappointed that all i really got that day was a dinner i paid for myself and a late birthday congratulation. she responded rather negative when i told her of my disappointment so am i the asshole for telling her a month later that i wished i had gotten more? sorry for my english, its my second language.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so last month was my 27th birthday and of course with the pandemic going around it was certainly not the most exciting birthday. however after a month of just thinking about it on and off i decided to tell my girlfriend of 2 years that i feel disappointed in how that day went. unfortunately, i was working on my birthday so i was not able to spend the day with her, but rather than wishing me a happy birthday or even getting up with me before i leave, i received a happy birthday message a few hours into my shift. no big of course, slightly disappointed but i moved on quick. after my shift at work, girlfriend ordered us steak dinners (using my card as hers doesn't work with uber eats) that unfortunately got delivered to the wrong house by the delivery driver. no big deal, i called uber eats, got a refund and ordered the same meal again. while eating girlfriend tells me that she wanted to get me a gift but it was sold out. she dropped the conversation about my gift after that. we finished our meals and girlfriend is tired and wants to go to bed. so we go to sleep and that summed up my birthday. now i know that i shouldn't have expectations with covid going around but now a month later i do feel a little disappointed that all i really got that day was a dinner i paid for myself and a late birthday congratulation. she responded rather negative when i told her of my disappointment so am i the asshole for telling her a month later that i wished i had gotten more? sorry for my english, its my second language. [/INST] info: what were you hoping would come of sharing this with her? did you want her to feel bad, or were you hoping for a redo? did you just want her to know before your next birthday to set expectations? i guess if i were her, i might be wondering what you wanted me to do about this now, a month later. </s>
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AITA for taking everything away from my 16yo son over a comment he made?
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we have four boys - 16yo, 11yo twins and as 7yo. the three youngest are adopted and the oldest is me and my wife's bio kid. we have never made their adoption an issue. we got them when they were babies. they could pass for our bio kids.
our 7yo is a bit anxious (not related to his being adopted; just his personality). occasionally he will sleep in our 16yo's bedroom. our 16yo told him he was no longer welcome in his bedroom and our 7yo asked why. our 16yo said "you're not even my real brother." that comment hurt our 7yo very much. he said to be a dick and wasn't the least bit sorry. so i took everything but his bed and clothes for a whole week. i told him if ever threw that in his brothers' faces again, then i'll throw everything of his away.
| 569
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jdhbtt/aita_for_taking_everything_away_from_my_16yo_son/
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2020-10-18 14:34:40
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info: why is your 7 year old going to your 16 year old’s room? why doesn’t he come to your room if he needs someone at night?
has your 16 year old been unhappy about your 7 year old coming into his room at night?
and no, having the 7 year old at the opposite side of the bed is not the same thing as having privacy. privacy would be the 7 year old not being in his room at all.
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[deleted]
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i admit the comment was rude and unwarranted, however he's 16, he's entitled to privacy. also if the 7yo is anxious he should be going to his parents not his older brother.
everyone sucks here.
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i really hope this is fake to get karma, but in case it isn't and y'all are actually like this:
esh
yes, your 16 year old was an ah. he's also 16, so it's fair that he wants his privacy and he doesn't want to share his room with his 7 year old brother.
your punishment to your 16 is way over the top, and doesn't fit the crime **at all**. taking everything away from him it's just going to make him build up more resentment between you and his other brothers. i'm not saying don't punish him, but taking **everything** away is not the way to go about it.
please sit down and talk with him (just him). being a teenager is hard, and he's dealing with a lot of new emotions on top of what's happening in the world right now. no yelling at him, no matter how belligerent he is. just ask him if he really meant what he said and if he did, what made him feel this way. tell him you love him and you also love *his brothers*, and being blood related to someone isn't what makes a family.
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there’s got to be more to this situation than is presented here. is this all of a sudden? how much of a role did your kid play in adopting the kids and making them part of the family? did he receive any therapy? why is he having to comfort his brother at night? why didn’t you talk to him about why he was feeling that way instead of jumping straight to punishing him?
obviously, what he said was absolutely horrible and your other kids don’t deserve to hear those things- but it might be important to find out *why* he’s saying those things.
i’ll go with esh (except the younger kids obviously) until there’s more information.
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yta
a 16yo should not share his bed with a 7yo, (wow, that sound creepy). the 16yo did tell his brother that he wantet him not in the bedroom, that should have been enough. you should have a discussion with your 7yo about privacy and what growing up boys do in the bedroom with the magazins (never to early foe the puperty talk)
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yta and your edit is worse. your 16yo should not have to share his bed with your 7yo. get it together.
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yta
let the punishment fit the crime, what you did was excessive. also, your son learned how to speak to others from your example, which makes me wonder how you speak and treat him besides this one incident.
i don't think you 16 year ol is an ah, just a bit of a jerk. but he doesn't need to explain why he wants his privacy and to sleep alone.
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info: was this the first time your older child has expressed frustration with his brother coming into his room? have you been supportive of him having his own space at night?
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esh, leaning towards yta. your son was wrong for saying that and he should know better at 16, but your punishment was way over the line. let's face it, he probably blurted it out because he didn't want to tell his younger brother he wants to masturbate and needs privacy. also, you need to ask him why he made that comment. was it indeed just a blurt out which requires an apology and promise not to do it again, or did he mean it? and if he meant it, ask him why he feels that way and what he needs to feel comfortable and safe in the family dynamic.
taking away all his stuff will only make him resent his siblings and alienate him from you. he will also feel like his life and his belongings don't matter to you and makes him feel like his home isn't his own. seriously man, get a grip. you are the adult, you need to talk to your son and teach him, not go batshit crazy on punishment.
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INFO
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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ESH
| 0.072793
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we have four boys - 16yo, 11yo twins and as 7yo. the three youngest are adopted and the oldest is me and my wife's bio kid. we have never made their adoption an issue. we got them when they were babies. they could pass for our bio kids. our 7yo is a bit anxious (not related to his being adopted; just his personality). occasionally he will sleep in our 16yo's bedroom. our 16yo told him he was no longer welcome in his bedroom and our 7yo asked why. our 16yo said "you're not even my real brother." that comment hurt our 7yo very much. he said to be a dick and wasn't the least bit sorry. so i took everything but his bed and clothes for a whole week. i told him if ever threw that in his brothers' faces again, then i'll throw everything of his away.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we have four boys - 16yo, 11yo twins and as 7yo. the three youngest are adopted and the oldest is me and my wife's bio kid. we have never made their adoption an issue. we got them when they were babies. they could pass for our bio kids. our 7yo is a bit anxious (not related to his being adopted; just his personality). occasionally he will sleep in our 16yo's bedroom. our 16yo told him he was no longer welcome in his bedroom and our 7yo asked why. our 16yo said "you're not even my real brother." that comment hurt our 7yo very much. he said to be a dick and wasn't the least bit sorry. so i took everything but his bed and clothes for a whole week. i told him if ever threw that in his brothers' faces again, then i'll throw everything of his away. [/INST] info: why is your 7 year old going to your 16 year old’s room? why doesn’t he come to your room if he needs someone at night? has your 16 year old been unhappy about your 7 year old coming into his room at night? and no, having the 7 year old at the opposite side of the bed is not the same thing as having privacy. privacy would be the 7 year old not being in his room at all. </s>
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AITA for trying to outdo my roommate whenever she has sex?
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i’ve been living with my roommate for about 2 years now, we have a really nice arrangement and get on well. when we both moved in, we both had boyfriends. she broke up with hers soon after, and i’m still with mine. initially when we moved in, we had an agreement that we’d only have sex if the other one wasn’t home as to avoid any awkward viewing parties or conversations, and this happened up until my roommate became the village bicycle.
she started bringing guys back to our apartment literally every weekend, bringing them into our space and making me super uncomfortable. she then started having extremely loud sex to the point our neighbours could hear and made complaints, but that didn’t stop her.
then as a way to get her to realise how loud she was being, i started initiating sex with my boyfriend whenever he was at the apartment and she happened to have a guy back. at first it made my boyfriend uncomfortable that we could both hear each other but went along with it. i try and be loud and irritating during sex so she can get the hint, which pisses my boyfriend off.
last night it happened again but for the first time in a while due to lockdown restrictions. i tried initiating sex with my boyfriend but he instead pushed me back onto the bed and told me to get off him as i “only want sex with him when it’s to piss my roommate off” and he then went and told my roommate that i was insecure and that’s why i always had sex when she did. my boyfriend and i aren’t speaking, nor are my roommate and i. aita?
| 2,391
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8hf4q/aita_for_trying_to_outdo_my_roommate_whenever_she/
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2020-06-13 22:30:03
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esh, except for your boyfriend
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editting to esh. because i missed that neighbors complained and roommate kept being equally as loud. you should still have talked to her, and definitely not use your bf for revenge sex, and not slut shame your roommate. so you still suck the most.
you know a way to get her to realize how loud she was being? talking to her. because you didn't use your big girl words, that automatically makes you the biggest asshole in this situation. especially given your slut shaming.
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yta. you are basically using your boyfriend as a sex doll in some petty ass pissing contest between you and your roomie. you are very much the ta.
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esh except the boyfriend. learn to communicate with your roommate and apologize to your boyfriend.
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esh except for your boyfriend.
your rm sucks because she broke an agreement and didn't care about other people.
you used your boyfriend for petty revenge although this made him uncomfortable.
did you have a civil conversation with her before starting to have sex with your bf to outdo your roommate?
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yta, you literally admit to only initiating sex with your boyfriend to get one over on your flatmate. you've not considered his feelings in this at all, why can't you have a grown up conversation with her and sort this out amicably (you seem to have been able to do this when she had a boyfriend, why not again?)
also, not cool calling her the village bike
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this is strange.
yta for using your boyfriend to get back at your roommate. have you just talked to your roommate about having quieter sex and respecting the space more? also, you're giving off slut-shaming vibes when calling her the village bicycle because she's exploring a healthy sex life is pretty much an ah move.
your roommate is an ah for violating that previous agreement you both had and not being considerate of the space you both share.
your bf is not the ah at all and he deserves more than just being used.
you should learn to communicate. why would you ever try to purposely have loud sex to piss someone off? sex is for mutual pleasure, it's not a competition.
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yta. that poor guy is stuck in your petty bs.
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esh except your bf. one your roommate had an agreement with you and she broke it but that didn't give you the right to use your bf in an attempt to get back at her. from his point of view you're only interested in having sex with him to make your roommate uncomfortable.
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you and your roomate are both assholes, but you're a massive asshole. you're using your boyfriend for petty revenge. i'd drop you in a hot second if i were him, he's right to be pissed because you've created a situation where you two *are* only having sex to piss off your roommate. really stop and think how the fact that sex for you two is always about petty revenge must make him feel. why on earth would he want anything to do with you?
you're not treating him like your boyfriend, you're treating him like a tool. he, quite frankly, deserves better than you based on this info. you need to do some serious self reflection before you're ready for a relationship if you even have to ask if you're the asshole here.
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
| 0.039219
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve been living with my roommate for about 2 years now, we have a really nice arrangement and get on well. when we both moved in, we both had boyfriends. she broke up with hers soon after, and i’m still with mine. initially when we moved in, we had an agreement that we’d only have sex if the other one wasn’t home as to avoid any awkward viewing parties or conversations, and this happened up until my roommate became the village bicycle. she started bringing guys back to our apartment literally every weekend, bringing them into our space and making me super uncomfortable. she then started having extremely loud sex to the point our neighbours could hear and made complaints, but that didn’t stop her. then as a way to get her to realise how loud she was being, i started initiating sex with my boyfriend whenever he was at the apartment and she happened to have a guy back. at first it made my boyfriend uncomfortable that we could both hear each other but went along with it. i try and be loud and irritating during sex so she can get the hint, which pisses my boyfriend off. last night it happened again but for the first time in a while due to lockdown restrictions. i tried initiating sex with my boyfriend but he instead pushed me back onto the bed and told me to get off him as i “only want sex with him when it’s to piss my roommate off” and he then went and told my roommate that i was insecure and that’s why i always had sex when she did. my boyfriend and i aren’t speaking, nor are my roommate and i. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been living with my roommate for about 2 years now, we have a really nice arrangement and get on well. when we both moved in, we both had boyfriends. she broke up with hers soon after, and i’m still with mine. initially when we moved in, we had an agreement that we’d only have sex if the other one wasn’t home as to avoid any awkward viewing parties or conversations, and this happened up until my roommate became the village bicycle. she started bringing guys back to our apartment literally every weekend, bringing them into our space and making me super uncomfortable. she then started having extremely loud sex to the point our neighbours could hear and made complaints, but that didn’t stop her. then as a way to get her to realise how loud she was being, i started initiating sex with my boyfriend whenever he was at the apartment and she happened to have a guy back. at first it made my boyfriend uncomfortable that we could both hear each other but went along with it. i try and be loud and irritating during sex so she can get the hint, which pisses my boyfriend off. last night it happened again but for the first time in a while due to lockdown restrictions. i tried initiating sex with my boyfriend but he instead pushed me back onto the bed and told me to get off him as i “only want sex with him when it’s to piss my roommate off” and he then went and told my roommate that i was insecure and that’s why i always had sex when she did. my boyfriend and i aren’t speaking, nor are my roommate and i. aita? [/INST] esh, except for your boyfriend </s>
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AITA for missing most of my daughter's wedding after she scheduled hers a day after my stepdaughter's wedding even though I tried to be there?
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my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment.
the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off.
in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers.
my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend.
i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along.
the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away.
and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle.
all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's.
i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready.
unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself.
i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose.
and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down.
i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness.
they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness.
the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again.
i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead.
aita?
| 8,816
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nbfrwo/aita_for_missing_most_of_my_daughters_wedding/
|
2021-05-13 12:44:30
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yta
word of advice op the reason why she isn't satisfied is because she never wanted the money or expensive gifts she just wanted her dad. i feel like this was a pattern for her growing up. i know it was beyond your control and you say there was no favoritism. it probably came off that way.
you're not an asshole for trying to be there for both of them.you're the asshole for being blind thinking you can buy her off.
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yta you have two daughters who were engaged and planning weddings and you were so disengaged that you didn’t even know what month they were both looking at for the wedding. were you even talking to them about it? then, knowing that your daughter struggles with you being more present in the stepdaughter’s life than hers, you prioritized the stepdaughter’s reception over being sure you’d be present at your daughters wedding. yeah, i can see why she is upset. you can say you have good intentions but that’s not going to change the perception that she has - that you didn’t care for years and even on this day, you picked someone else.
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your daughter has always said you favour your sd, well done for proving once and for all, that is the case
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you could have left right after the ceremony instead of at 10 pm
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in.fo was your first time hearing about these weddings the day you recieved the save the dates? did neither of your daughter's share possible dates with you before hand? was bio daughter invited to step daughter's wedding? and why didn't you leave until 10pm
eta
esh - you bio daughter because she didn't help any of the drama at best, and at worst purposefully caused the drama.
you for thinking 2 hours is a good buffer after a 13 hour drive that you started at 10pm after a wedding (you would have walked down that aisle looking like a zombie even after a shower. rude to your daughter) for not leaving until 10pm (friend's opinion or not you did choose your step daughter over your bio daughter. if you expect your bio daughter to get over her bio father who was supposed to walk her down the aisle not even being there, why wouldn't you expect your step daughter to understand you had to leave her party to walk your other daughter down the aisle?
the way you phrase the "unfortunately step daughter lived with me full time so i had more time with her" in my opinion sounds like a justification for the same performative effort but lack of actual effort and care taken in this matter. you are at fault at least as much as her in this
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yta. you just proved to your daughter that you do love your stepdaughter more. you walked her down the aisle, were there and looking awake for the pictures, and stuck around for the reception. *your stepdaughter’s reception was more important to you than walking your daughter down the aisle.* if your daughter was that important to you you wouldn’t have given a fuck about other people’s opinions and you would have left right after the ceremony. giving her some money after the fact doesn’t change that.
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why are op’s first words: “my daughter has always been resentful”? why aren’t his first words: “i’m heartbroken i didn’t walk my daughter down the aisle.”???
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but how could something like this happen? do your daughter and sd not speak at all? who chose the date first?
how could you get so lost with gps, and how was there so much traffic on a sunday morning? i get that you were up against it, but considering your daughter had this issue with you and sd for your whole lives together, i would have left earlier and definitely made it happen somehow. what time was sd’s reception done?
i guess i’d say esh at this point. i think your daughter set you up on a ‘prove to me i’m important to you’ test. and while it was terribly unfair to you, you needed to make that happen. your absence cracked your relationship greatly.
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yta why not leave earlier and fly so you knew you would be there early i don't think you ment to prioritise your sd but you kinda did do it family therapy might help open everyone's eyes and maybe without realising it you might have prioritised your sd for a while
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gentle yta.
the compromise here was not to attend both weddings but to attend both ceremonies. your daughter wanted you to walk her down the aisle. leaving after your stepdaughter’s ceremony would have made that more possible.
you could have forgone both receptions to keep it fair. if you have the means offering to host/attend the rehearsal dinner for your stepdaughter and an after wedding brunch for your daughter would have been a nice gesture and shown that you wanted to be with them.
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
ESH
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YTA
| null |
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.00461
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment. the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off. in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers. my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend. i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along. the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away. and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle. all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's. i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready. unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself. i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose. and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down. i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness. they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness. the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again. i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment. the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off. in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers. my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend. i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along. the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away. and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle. all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's. i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready. unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself. i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose. and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down. i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness. they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness. the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again. i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead. aita? [/INST] yta word of advice op the reason why she isn't satisfied is because she never wanted the money or expensive gifts she just wanted her dad. i feel like this was a pattern for her growing up. i know it was beyond your control and you say there was no favoritism. it probably came off that way. you're not an asshole for trying to be there for both of them.you're the asshole for being blind thinking you can buy her off. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my wife for drinking?
|
i (28m) am i recovering alcoholic. my father was an alcoholic when i was a child and i guess i caught it from him. i've been sober for about a year now, and i attend this recovery group once a week that is held by the mormon church. i've been gaining an interest in their beliefs and have been considering conversion, but that's another conversation.
my wife (26f) went out with her friends this weekend and i found out from her friend's instagram post that she had been drinking. she held a glass of wine in the photo, but she didn't appear drunk when she got home. i saw the post today, and i'm going to be honest, i freaked out. she has been so helpful and supportive during my recovery, and i can't believe she would do this to me. i confronted her as soon as i saw it, and she told me that because she wasn't drinking around me, it wasn't an issue. i told her that when we got married, we promised to support eachother through everything and this wasn't being supportive and a direct violation of our vows. she told me to get over myself and i lost it and told her that was a bad wife and that she wasn't committed to us and our relationship (we've been together for four years, married for one). i told her that if she was pregnant, i wouldn't eat all of the food she couldn't eat to be supportive and she told me that she wouldn't expect that from me so i can't expect her to be sober and that i was being an asshole. after that, i just left and contacted the group leader from my recovery group and he let me chill at his house while i cooled down.
aita?
| 11,670
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wu9b42/aita_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_drinking/
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2022-08-21 20:24:33
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yta
you’re the recovering alcoholic, not her.
she’s allowed to drink when she’s not with you.
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i was under the impression she had drunk in front of you, which was *not* the case.
you are wrong. she did nothing to harm you or jeopardize your recovery.
yta
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yta
this is not about you.
she didn't do this "to you", she did it *for herself* when you were safely far away.
it's good she supports you, spouses should support each other, but at the end of the day this is *your* affliction, and it's not reasonable for you to criticise her drinking. she's not the one with a problem.
she's suffered enough from your alcholism without you abusing her on top of it. you're on thin ice, mate. watch out.
you need to apologise and hard.
also please, please go visit r/exmormon and see what an appalling abusive nonsensical destructive scam mormonism is. don't be seduced by it just because they don't drink. if you become mormon, your marriage will be over.
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yta. she wasn't around you and was a glass of wine, i think the fact that your are thinking of becoming a mormon are their belief of the role of wife's might be clouding your expectations from her.
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yta she's allowed to drink when not around you. you are being the bad partner here.
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yta
just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean she has to stop drinking. recovery is 100% on you. she doesn’t have the drinking problem. you do.
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yta
she didn't 'do this to you'. she was enjoying a glass away from you with friends, like adults sometimes do. instead of putting this on her how about attending a non-religious help group and actually work on your issues? you freaking out about what she does on her own time sounds like a you-problem.
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yta for all the reasons already mentioned. your sobriety is your responsibility, and she is being supportive by not drinking in your presence.
the way you describe her as a bad wife and violator of your vows, along with a mormon support group you attend and are considering converting to, leads me to believe you're replacing one addiction with another. how does she feel about your budding religious interest?
i grew up lds; that particular organization has no problem forcing the entire family into following their beliefs whether they are shared or not with the threat of being ostracized from their community. are you intending to coerce her into joining with you? are you going to label her a bad wife and not supportive of you is she doesn't share your newfound belief?
she's already supported you by not leaving when you were drinking. she already supported you throughout the last year while you were getting sober, which is an achievement you should be proud of. it's not easy.
are you going to flip out at her for enjoying a cup of coffee? hot caffeinated drinks are forbidden, but it's fine to guzzle diet coke by the gallon in lds. you found a support system and as long as it's working for you, that's great. but you can't force it upon her when she doesn't want or need it.
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you're jut replacing one addiction with another (religion). that's why you're still full of rage. (also the mormon church isn't known to be easy on women and you're following suit).
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>**yelling at my wife**
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28m) am i recovering alcoholic. my father was an alcoholic when i was a child and i guess i caught it from him. i've been sober for about a year now, and i attend this recovery group once a week that is held by the mormon church. i've been gaining an interest in their beliefs and have been considering conversion, but that's another conversation. my wife (26f) went out with her friends this weekend and i found out from her friend's instagram post that she had been drinking. she held a glass of wine in the photo, but she didn't appear drunk when she got home. i saw the post today, and i'm going to be honest, i freaked out. she has been so helpful and supportive during my recovery, and i can't believe she would do this to me. i confronted her as soon as i saw it, and she told me that because she wasn't drinking around me, it wasn't an issue. i told her that when we got married, we promised to support eachother through everything and this wasn't being supportive and a direct violation of our vows. she told me to get over myself and i lost it and told her that was a bad wife and that she wasn't committed to us and our relationship (we've been together for four years, married for one). i told her that if she was pregnant, i wouldn't eat all of the food she couldn't eat to be supportive and she told me that she wouldn't expect that from me so i can't expect her to be sober and that i was being an asshole. after that, i just left and contacted the group leader from my recovery group and he let me chill at his house while i cooled down. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) am i recovering alcoholic. my father was an alcoholic when i was a child and i guess i caught it from him. i've been sober for about a year now, and i attend this recovery group once a week that is held by the mormon church. i've been gaining an interest in their beliefs and have been considering conversion, but that's another conversation. my wife (26f) went out with her friends this weekend and i found out from her friend's instagram post that she had been drinking. she held a glass of wine in the photo, but she didn't appear drunk when she got home. i saw the post today, and i'm going to be honest, i freaked out. she has been so helpful and supportive during my recovery, and i can't believe she would do this to me. i confronted her as soon as i saw it, and she told me that because she wasn't drinking around me, it wasn't an issue. i told her that when we got married, we promised to support eachother through everything and this wasn't being supportive and a direct violation of our vows. she told me to get over myself and i lost it and told her that was a bad wife and that she wasn't committed to us and our relationship (we've been together for four years, married for one). i told her that if she was pregnant, i wouldn't eat all of the food she couldn't eat to be supportive and she told me that she wouldn't expect that from me so i can't expect her to be sober and that i was being an asshole. after that, i just left and contacted the group leader from my recovery group and he let me chill at his house while i cooled down. aita? [/INST] yta you’re the recovering alcoholic, not her. she’s allowed to drink when she’s not with you. </s>
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WIBTA if I refuse to DRASTICALLY change my cooking for my wife who recently decided to go vegetarian?
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so. my wife recently informed me of her decision to go vegetarian which i have not questioned morally. i think that everyone should eat what they want to.
the thing is that i love meat and i refuse to drastically change my eating or cooking to accommodate her decision. i often cook in our home so i've basically said that i will continue cooking what i like to eat and if it will happen to be vegetarian, i'll cook for her too. i have no problem eating vegetarian dishes so if she will cook, i will gladly eat it even though it has no meat. i also said that if i'll like some dishes, i will happily cook them for us if i'll feel like eating them. however, nowadays 90% of meals i make contain some sort of meat and i like my cooking and my wife did too. i might make two types of similar dishes or use meat substitute if i feel like it but i will not feel obligated to when i want meat in it. i also am an active gymgoer and feel like eating vegetarian will affect my progress. she also said that she will cook meat for me so to balance it i will cook substitutes for her sometimes but i just don't want to cook two meals everytime i cook because i'm pretty busy at work and finding time to cook even one meal is hard for me .
i feel like i might be the asshole, because i will be able to enjoy both mine and hers cooking but if i'll cook mine dishes, she'll often have to make her own. also she said that she'd cook meat for me even though she won't eat it. so... wibta?
| 3,041
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ugm0vf/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_drastically_change_my/
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2022-05-02 09:49:06
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nah - lots of veggie and vegan bodybuilders, mate, not sure what country or options you have though.
consider agreeing a rota for cooking and cook some meals without meat and cook chicken or something separately to chop and add to yours, or use the plant based proteins which may be better for your long term health.
good luck and well done for being self aware and asking.
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nah
i understand the whole "i don't want to take on any more stress, especially for a purely enjoyable activity", as cooking seems to be for you. however, a small effort to have a second pot or pan on the oven that is made identically but without meat is not a huge increase while the benefit for your wife (and your life) could be much larger. from the tone of your post i assume you would slowly get there by yourself, but supporting your partner right from the start is not a massive sacrifice.
i'm unsure why the comment section is so hostile for such a simple question about whether the onus should be on you to change your activities when a partner makes a personal choice/change. the short answer is "no", the longer is "no, but it will make you a poor husband if you don't work to support her".
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info: would you be ok with her not sharing her vegetarian food with you? i mean, if your not willing to accomidate for her why should she keep cooking for you? i'd also be very interested to hear about the types of things your making that absoloutly can not be made the same except you add the meat last and just take out her seving first, or seprate it and put tofu in hers. like, no joke, i'd actually be interested.
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nah
ok so. i’m vegetarian, my husband isn’t. i cook a lot. and i don’t cook meat. he doesn’t care.
he’s built like a fucking viking, 6’7 and muscles for days. think jason mamoa, because that’s who he looks like.
anyway, he eats everything i make, he just eats more. i’ve been vegetarian my whole life, so i know what to cook to make sure all those food groups are hit. if he’s ever craving a slab of flesh, he’ll go out and grab one and cook it up. that happens like, once every few months? he also cooks for us, and he’s absolutely nailed his chickpea curry recipe.
anyway, you can totally go on a health kick and explore this type of cooking with her. it’s actually a lot of fun.
good luck, and don’t forget that you don’t need meat to survive or have “gains”.
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first of all this comment section is horrible. assuming op is a horrible partner for his choice what to eat the hell. did she ask him for permission to go vege? no but youre suggesting he should go vege for her even tho he dosnt want to????
second info: did she even ask you to cook vege for her? or does she mind you cooking meat in both of yours kitchen? and lastly whos cooking mostly and why not 50/50
how about you split the week even? you cook one half she the other but when you cook you have to make something vege or meat in a side pan and when she cooks she has to prepare some meat maybe in a side pan?
edit nta
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nah, sounds like you both want to accommodate your cooking to each other but you're having difficulties envisioning how it'd work for your favourite meals. what kind of meals are you talking about? is there a way you could cook your favourite dishes with the meat separate or would that ruin the entire dish?
i'd also do some more thorough research on whether not eating meat one or two days a week would impact your gym progress.
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i don’t get why it’s cooking two meals - protein, carb, veg, fat. 3 of those things can easily be made plant based, then you could each make/add your protein to your meal.
- pesto pasta, you add chicken
- fried rice, brown chicken, remove from pan. make egg fried rice, take out half for her, then add chicken or beef to yours
- roast vegies, brown rice, and chicken/salmon for you and plant based protein for her
- burgers, real patty for you, plant based patty for her
it really isn’t as hard as you’re making it out to be, you just need to think harder.
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no assholes here, but your wife will love you and appreciate you more for accommodating her.
it's also worth noting that meat isn't required for the gym. there are many many gym folk and body builders who are vegetarian/vegan
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nta. i am going with this because it’s a major change to go from one to the other. you don’t have to change your diet because she wants to be vegetarian. it sounds like you both know how to cook what you want so then make your own food.
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nta
but, been plant based close to 5 years and hasn't affected my progress in the gym at all. i've actually beaten some pr's this year which i didn't think woukd happen. also did it through my entire army service, definitely some solid recipes on a veggie diet for maintaining muscle
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.083333
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so. my wife recently informed me of her decision to go vegetarian which i have not questioned morally. i think that everyone should eat what they want to. the thing is that i love meat and i refuse to drastically change my eating or cooking to accommodate her decision. i often cook in our home so i've basically said that i will continue cooking what i like to eat and if it will happen to be vegetarian, i'll cook for her too. i have no problem eating vegetarian dishes so if she will cook, i will gladly eat it even though it has no meat. i also said that if i'll like some dishes, i will happily cook them for us if i'll feel like eating them. however, nowadays 90% of meals i make contain some sort of meat and i like my cooking and my wife did too. i might make two types of similar dishes or use meat substitute if i feel like it but i will not feel obligated to when i want meat in it. i also am an active gymgoer and feel like eating vegetarian will affect my progress. she also said that she will cook meat for me so to balance it i will cook substitutes for her sometimes but i just don't want to cook two meals everytime i cook because i'm pretty busy at work and finding time to cook even one meal is hard for me . i feel like i might be the asshole, because i will be able to enjoy both mine and hers cooking but if i'll cook mine dishes, she'll often have to make her own. also she said that she'd cook meat for me even though she won't eat it. so... wibta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so. my wife recently informed me of her decision to go vegetarian which i have not questioned morally. i think that everyone should eat what they want to. the thing is that i love meat and i refuse to drastically change my eating or cooking to accommodate her decision. i often cook in our home so i've basically said that i will continue cooking what i like to eat and if it will happen to be vegetarian, i'll cook for her too. i have no problem eating vegetarian dishes so if she will cook, i will gladly eat it even though it has no meat. i also said that if i'll like some dishes, i will happily cook them for us if i'll feel like eating them. however, nowadays 90% of meals i make contain some sort of meat and i like my cooking and my wife did too. i might make two types of similar dishes or use meat substitute if i feel like it but i will not feel obligated to when i want meat in it. i also am an active gymgoer and feel like eating vegetarian will affect my progress. she also said that she will cook meat for me so to balance it i will cook substitutes for her sometimes but i just don't want to cook two meals everytime i cook because i'm pretty busy at work and finding time to cook even one meal is hard for me . i feel like i might be the asshole, because i will be able to enjoy both mine and hers cooking but if i'll cook mine dishes, she'll often have to make her own. also she said that she'd cook meat for me even though she won't eat it. so... wibta? [/INST] nah - lots of veggie and vegan bodybuilders, mate, not sure what country or options you have though. consider agreeing a rota for cooking and cook some meals without meat and cook chicken or something separately to chop and add to yours, or use the plant based proteins which may be better for your long term health. good luck and well done for being self aware and asking. </s>
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AITA for being too honest telling my dad I don’t remember my mom?
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this happened a few hours ago. i (m,16) lost my mom when i was 6. after that it was just me my dad and my older sister. my dad was a sad guy for a really long time. i remember after she died he would just cry a lot and he was always serious for months. it was a hard time.
it took me a while to feel sad about her death and then i started therapy when i was 7. my dad did everything for us and put extra into being the best dad.
every year on her anniversary we make what she used to like to eat and we light a little candle for her. usually when we do this we’ll talk about my mom. it was always my dad telling me stuff she used to do with me and i never said anything because...i don’t remember.
anytime he’d tell a story of stuff we did i’d have no idea what he was talking about. but i just never said anything because i feel bad.
i don’t remember me and my mom doing anything together, what her voice sounded like. if it weren’t for old pics he still has of her idk if i would remember much what she looked like. only thing i can think clearly of was her funeral.
since it was my mom’s anniversary we had dinner earlier tonight to honor her. my dad and sister were telling their own stuff about mom so i was kinda quiet. my dad asked me if i have any funny stories i can think of. i told him not really.
i think my dad took it as i didn’t wanna open up. he kept telling me it was ok to talk about her and i shouldn’t keep anything i’m feeling bottled up. my dad wouldn’t stop pushing to open up and finally i told him i didn’t really have anything to talk about because i don’t remember her much.
i only explained a little that my memories r not that good and i can’t think of any stuff i did with her so i only go by what i’ve heard already from him and my sister.
my dad looked hurt and his eyes were little watery. he said that was ok and nothing to feel bad about but then he only sat there quiet the rest of dinner. when before we were all talking and laughing. he didn’t talk anymore at all.
after we finish eating he just went upstairs to his room.
when we were alone my sister said i was such a stupid asshole for making him sad and i didn’t have to tell him that. she told me i could’ve told one i already heard from them (on the spot i actually couldn’t think of any). but instead she says i ruined the dinner and now my dad is hurting.
he didn’t come out the rest of the night so now i do feel really bad because i didn’t mean to make him that sad about my mom. aita?? can i fix this?
| 2,625
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kv0bee/aita_for_being_too_honest_telling_my_dad_i_dont/
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2021-01-11 10:43:54
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nah. your dad is grieving and the only way to keep a piece of your mum alive is in the families collective memory. the fact that you don’t actually remember your mum must be heartbreaking to your dad but you were a small child and you are in no way an asshole for being honest to your dad.
your sister kinda sucks but i’d cut her some slack because she most likely also was very emotionally agitated about the situation.
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nta it's not your fault you don't remember. your sister didn't have to say that to you though.
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nah. i don't think anyone bis in the wrong here. you don't remember anything about your mum, which is a bit sad, but not your fault and not something that shouldn't be spoken about. your dad is understandably sad because he did know your mum and he misses her, and anniversaries are though. perhaps you saying you don't remember anything made him think about how young you were when she died, and of the experiences you have missed with her, and of the experiences you all have missed as a family. and i think that your sister was probably also sad and didn't want to see your dad upset, and while it was a bit unfair of her to take it on you, you shouldn't let this make you feel bad.
if i were you i would talk to your dad and sister and say you are sorry that this upset them. i wouldn't apologize for not remembering, but if hearing stories about your mum is something you actually enjoy, tell them that. tell them that you like how happy it makes them to speak about mum and that you appreciate hearing about her and being able to know more about her since you can't remember it.
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nah- you were 6 when your mom died. its okay if you don't remember your mom the way your dad and sister do.
i don't think that anyone is ta here. you told him the truth, and your dad was not wrong for reacting the way he did because he's still very much affected by this.
> my sister said i was such a stupid asshole for making him sad
i get it why your sister said this to you. she didn't wanna see her dad sad, especially on your late mother's death anniversary. don't take this personally. i'm sure she didn't mean it.
for now, just give him some space and try to reason with him later. good luck,op!
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nah (people in this thread are either monsters or they forget that nta would mean your dad/sister are assholes).
my wife and i were talking last night about how my daughter is starting to forget my dad. we can see it happening in real time and it is quite sad. your dad probably just realized that your mom isn't as 'alive' as he thought since one of her children doesn't have any personal emotional memories of her. it's going to take him some time to grieve that new loss.
hope that makes sense - it's a weird concept to explain.
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nta, your dad took your mothers death hard and it does sound like he could use some grief counseling. its not your fault that you don't remember your mother, you were still only a young child when she passed, and you didn't get a chance to make long-lasting memories with her. your sister reacted poorly, you shouldn't have to tip-toe around your father like that, and you didn't ruin the dinner at all.
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nah, though your sister was kind of thoughtless.
your father sounds like he put all of his effort into making sure that you and your sister would be okay and didn’t do enough work on his own emotional healing. that’s not unusual in these situations. but it’s not your fault that you don’t really remember your mom, and being honest about that was important, because your dad needed to know that he couldn’t lean on you to keep her memory alive in that way. it’s a lot of pressure to put on you and it’s been relieved now, which is good.
you are not responsible for your father’s emotions. you’re not responsible for your sister’s emotions. you are not responsible to be the keeper of your mother’s memory for the rest of your life.
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you are nta. but i came here hoping to give you a little perspective. i lost my wife about a year and a half ago to cancer. we had two little boys aged 14 months and 4 years old when she died. my youngest will never know her. and that makes me sad in itself. as i write this, i am crying. i am sad because i know that he will never remember how wonderful she truly was. how wonderful of a mother she was. he was just too young. but then i think of my oldest. he still has memories of her. but i know one day, those will fade. and he’ll remember stories as opposed to her. i am not looking forward to that day. it truly will break my heart. i know it’s inevitable. perhaps your dad feels the same. if you can find some time to sit with him and just be with him, i know he will appreciate it. he’s hurt but i don’t think it’s directed at you.
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nah
you tried hard and just couldn't think of anything to contribute. you were so young when your mum passed. it is likely your dad knows that you may not have strong memories, but it's probably hard for him to face that fact.
your dad is just very sad, and your sister is being protective.
i'm sorry for your family's loss :(
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nta memory is a sucky thing, and your dad gets that, even if it hurts. your sister doesnt understand that however, and she should apologize
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.022045
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a few hours ago. i (m,16) lost my mom when i was 6. after that it was just me my dad and my older sister. my dad was a sad guy for a really long time. i remember after she died he would just cry a lot and he was always serious for months. it was a hard time. it took me a while to feel sad about her death and then i started therapy when i was 7. my dad did everything for us and put extra into being the best dad. every year on her anniversary we make what she used to like to eat and we light a little candle for her. usually when we do this we’ll talk about my mom. it was always my dad telling me stuff she used to do with me and i never said anything because...i don’t remember. anytime he’d tell a story of stuff we did i’d have no idea what he was talking about. but i just never said anything because i feel bad. i don’t remember me and my mom doing anything together, what her voice sounded like. if it weren’t for old pics he still has of her idk if i would remember much what she looked like. only thing i can think clearly of was her funeral. since it was my mom’s anniversary we had dinner earlier tonight to honor her. my dad and sister were telling their own stuff about mom so i was kinda quiet. my dad asked me if i have any funny stories i can think of. i told him not really. i think my dad took it as i didn’t wanna open up. he kept telling me it was ok to talk about her and i shouldn’t keep anything i’m feeling bottled up. my dad wouldn’t stop pushing to open up and finally i told him i didn’t really have anything to talk about because i don’t remember her much. i only explained a little that my memories r not that good and i can’t think of any stuff i did with her so i only go by what i’ve heard already from him and my sister. my dad looked hurt and his eyes were little watery. he said that was ok and nothing to feel bad about but then he only sat there quiet the rest of dinner. when before we were all talking and laughing. he didn’t talk anymore at all. after we finish eating he just went upstairs to his room. when we were alone my sister said i was such a stupid asshole for making him sad and i didn’t have to tell him that. she told me i could’ve told one i already heard from them (on the spot i actually couldn’t think of any). but instead she says i ruined the dinner and now my dad is hurting. he didn’t come out the rest of the night so now i do feel really bad because i didn’t mean to make him that sad about my mom. aita?? can i fix this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a few hours ago. i (m,16) lost my mom when i was 6. after that it was just me my dad and my older sister. my dad was a sad guy for a really long time. i remember after she died he would just cry a lot and he was always serious for months. it was a hard time. it took me a while to feel sad about her death and then i started therapy when i was 7. my dad did everything for us and put extra into being the best dad. every year on her anniversary we make what she used to like to eat and we light a little candle for her. usually when we do this we’ll talk about my mom. it was always my dad telling me stuff she used to do with me and i never said anything because...i don’t remember. anytime he’d tell a story of stuff we did i’d have no idea what he was talking about. but i just never said anything because i feel bad. i don’t remember me and my mom doing anything together, what her voice sounded like. if it weren’t for old pics he still has of her idk if i would remember much what she looked like. only thing i can think clearly of was her funeral. since it was my mom’s anniversary we had dinner earlier tonight to honor her. my dad and sister were telling their own stuff about mom so i was kinda quiet. my dad asked me if i have any funny stories i can think of. i told him not really. i think my dad took it as i didn’t wanna open up. he kept telling me it was ok to talk about her and i shouldn’t keep anything i’m feeling bottled up. my dad wouldn’t stop pushing to open up and finally i told him i didn’t really have anything to talk about because i don’t remember her much. i only explained a little that my memories r not that good and i can’t think of any stuff i did with her so i only go by what i’ve heard already from him and my sister. my dad looked hurt and his eyes were little watery. he said that was ok and nothing to feel bad about but then he only sat there quiet the rest of dinner. when before we were all talking and laughing. he didn’t talk anymore at all. after we finish eating he just went upstairs to his room. when we were alone my sister said i was such a stupid asshole for making him sad and i didn’t have to tell him that. she told me i could’ve told one i already heard from them (on the spot i actually couldn’t think of any). but instead she says i ruined the dinner and now my dad is hurting. he didn’t come out the rest of the night so now i do feel really bad because i didn’t mean to make him that sad about my mom. aita?? can i fix this? [/INST] nah. your dad is grieving and the only way to keep a piece of your mum alive is in the families collective memory. the fact that you don’t actually remember your mum must be heartbreaking to your dad but you were a small child and you are in no way an asshole for being honest to your dad. your sister kinda sucks but i’d cut her some slack because she most likely also was very emotionally agitated about the situation. </s>
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AITA for accusing my girlfriend of getting pregnant intentionally?
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i’ve been dating my girlfriend for 4 years, living together for one year now. we’re both 26. our relationship has been great for the most part but i noticed that since we moved in together my girlfriend has been talking more and more about having children, her pinterest is filled with stuff about baby clothes, nursery decorating and raising kids (as well as tons of wedding stuff). she follows a lot of family accounts on instagram she would once in a while send me videos of kids and say “lol this is totally our future kid)
i was very adamant that i wanted to wait until we could afford a house, pay off some debts and establish our careers before getting married and then we would have kids. she just finished her masters and i finished physiotherapist school and would love to start my own physiotherapy business in the future. she always agreed that we weren’t ready for kids but it was obvious she had intense baby fever. my girlfriend is on birth control and takes the depo provera shot every 3 months.
3 days ago my girlfriend tells me that she’s 2 months pregnant and she just found out. i was absolutely shocked. honestly i suggested an abortion at this point but my girlfriend was adamant against it and said she was pretty excited for the baby and was mad i was even suggesting abortion.
so honestly, i did accuse her of intentionally getting pregnant because it honestly just made the most sense. she was acting so excited like it was planned, her past behaviour showed she was looking forward to a baby and i never followed up to make sure she was getting all her shots. she had been on the same form of birth control our entire relationship with barely a pregnancy scare and suddenly she’s pregnant?
when i accused her of getting pregnant on purpose she got mad at me and says she would have never done that and she knows that it isn’t the perfect time to have a child and she been getting all her depo shots but “god had other plans” and we could make it work. i again accused her of lying and this was just too much of a coincidence.
we argue back and forth and she gets really angry and runs away to her moms house. she then texts me a picture of a receipt for her most recent depo shot 9 weeks ago with the caption “you are a fucking asshole”. she blocked me and refuses to respond to any of my messages.
i already apologized many times but i honestly don’t think i was the asshole to question her intentionally getting pregnant. from my point of view it made sense. i really hope we can make this work but am i really the asshole here, when looking at my perspective of the situation?
| 11,021
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1359t/aita_for_accusing_my_girlfriend_of_getting/
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2019-11-24 19:22:50
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yta big time here. just because a she has always dreamed of a mom doesn’t mean she would undermine your trust and sabotage your current life plans. do you not trust her as a person at all? considering that she’s open about wanting kids it makes sense that she would want to keep an oops baby because in her mind it just changed the timing, not the occurrence.
|
yta if pregnancy was a major no no then you should have been more involved in actual birth control. you were happy with her having 100% responsibility.
no birth control is 100%.
>she had been on the same form of birth control our entire relationship with barely a pregnancy scare and suddenly she’s pregnant?
welcome to the world of women! we punish ourselves with birth control that causes all manner of side effects and then bam! pregnant anyway.
you didn't question her, you interrogated her and accused her of trapping you with a baby, not the same thing.
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yta. holy shit. you are 100% wrong in this case. someone can want to be a mom, but know better. birth control fails. it's why if you really want to be sure that you don't knock a girl up you use a damn condom on top of whatever she's using.
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yta and you already know it. you were the asshole from the moment you didn't wear a condom, since you were so against having a child, and you've only gotten worse.
frankly, you don't sound ready to be a father. you're not showing the capacity for carrying for another person, or taking responsibility for yourself, let alone a child. i hope, for the sake of the baby, she doesn't return. it seems it would be in the child's best interest if you didn't try for custody.
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yta. you didn't ask. you accused. repeatedly.
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yta. first you could have insisted on wearing a condom. doesn’t sound like you were doing your part. secondly, she’s pregnant and you suggest an abortion?! thirdly, this is reality now, and she’s in a very vulnerable place right now, and she needs you to be supportive. why are you with her if her getting pregnant is such an issue?
|
yta
she just finished her masters. she’s obviously thinking about the next major life milestones. she can picture herself marrying you and having a baby with you.
you didn’t just accuse her of getting pregnant intentionally, you refused to believe her and called her a liar. twice. and to make it worse you used your past history of no/few pregnancy scares, pinterest, her refusal to have an abortion, and her happiness as your proof.
stop thinking about your own perspective, and put yourself in her shoes. how would you feel if the person you love refused to believe you are telling the truth because you were happy about something?
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100% yta. not to mention where tf is your trust in this 4 year relationship??!
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i got pregnant on the depot shot and didn’t find out until i was 3 months into my pregnancy.
birth control is not 100%, if you really wanted to lower the chances of her getting pregnant you also should have used birth control.
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yta. you accused her of getting pregnant on purpose and then argued about it when she told you she had been getting her shots. you didn't believe her denials and kept arguing until she left. i get being shocked by unexpected news, but there is no 100% effective form of birth control and you didn't take any responsibility for your sperm by wearing a condom. liking baby clothes and posting about her hopes of having children in the future is not sufficient evidence for accusing someone of purposefully getting pregnant, and as it turns out, you were wrong. apologizing is not enough, you need to say more than 'i'm sorry i accused you of getting pregnant on purpose.' you need to say, 'i'm sorry i'm the kind of asshole who immediately gets defensive and angry when someone gives me bad news. i'm sorry i'm the kind of asshole who immediately assumed that my so would lie to me and trap me. i promise i'll try to become a better asshole.'
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve been dating my girlfriend for 4 years, living together for one year now. we’re both 26. our relationship has been great for the most part but i noticed that since we moved in together my girlfriend has been talking more and more about having children, her pinterest is filled with stuff about baby clothes, nursery decorating and raising kids (as well as tons of wedding stuff). she follows a lot of family accounts on instagram she would once in a while send me videos of kids and say “lol this is totally our future kid) i was very adamant that i wanted to wait until we could afford a house, pay off some debts and establish our careers before getting married and then we would have kids. she just finished her masters and i finished physiotherapist school and would love to start my own physiotherapy business in the future. she always agreed that we weren’t ready for kids but it was obvious she had intense baby fever. my girlfriend is on birth control and takes the depo provera shot every 3 months. 3 days ago my girlfriend tells me that she’s 2 months pregnant and she just found out. i was absolutely shocked. honestly i suggested an abortion at this point but my girlfriend was adamant against it and said she was pretty excited for the baby and was mad i was even suggesting abortion. so honestly, i did accuse her of intentionally getting pregnant because it honestly just made the most sense. she was acting so excited like it was planned, her past behaviour showed she was looking forward to a baby and i never followed up to make sure she was getting all her shots. she had been on the same form of birth control our entire relationship with barely a pregnancy scare and suddenly she’s pregnant? when i accused her of getting pregnant on purpose she got mad at me and says she would have never done that and she knows that it isn’t the perfect time to have a child and she been getting all her depo shots but “god had other plans” and we could make it work. i again accused her of lying and this was just too much of a coincidence. we argue back and forth and she gets really angry and runs away to her moms house. she then texts me a picture of a receipt for her most recent depo shot 9 weeks ago with the caption “you are a fucking asshole”. she blocked me and refuses to respond to any of my messages. i already apologized many times but i honestly don’t think i was the asshole to question her intentionally getting pregnant. from my point of view it made sense. i really hope we can make this work but am i really the asshole here, when looking at my perspective of the situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been dating my girlfriend for 4 years, living together for one year now. we’re both 26. our relationship has been great for the most part but i noticed that since we moved in together my girlfriend has been talking more and more about having children, her pinterest is filled with stuff about baby clothes, nursery decorating and raising kids (as well as tons of wedding stuff). she follows a lot of family accounts on instagram she would once in a while send me videos of kids and say “lol this is totally our future kid) i was very adamant that i wanted to wait until we could afford a house, pay off some debts and establish our careers before getting married and then we would have kids. she just finished her masters and i finished physiotherapist school and would love to start my own physiotherapy business in the future. she always agreed that we weren’t ready for kids but it was obvious she had intense baby fever. my girlfriend is on birth control and takes the depo provera shot every 3 months. 3 days ago my girlfriend tells me that she’s 2 months pregnant and she just found out. i was absolutely shocked. honestly i suggested an abortion at this point but my girlfriend was adamant against it and said she was pretty excited for the baby and was mad i was even suggesting abortion. so honestly, i did accuse her of intentionally getting pregnant because it honestly just made the most sense. she was acting so excited like it was planned, her past behaviour showed she was looking forward to a baby and i never followed up to make sure she was getting all her shots. she had been on the same form of birth control our entire relationship with barely a pregnancy scare and suddenly she’s pregnant? when i accused her of getting pregnant on purpose she got mad at me and says she would have never done that and she knows that it isn’t the perfect time to have a child and she been getting all her depo shots but “god had other plans” and we could make it work. i again accused her of lying and this was just too much of a coincidence. we argue back and forth and she gets really angry and runs away to her moms house. she then texts me a picture of a receipt for her most recent depo shot 9 weeks ago with the caption “you are a fucking asshole”. she blocked me and refuses to respond to any of my messages. i already apologized many times but i honestly don’t think i was the asshole to question her intentionally getting pregnant. from my point of view it made sense. i really hope we can make this work but am i really the asshole here, when looking at my perspective of the situation? [/INST] yta big time here. just because a she has always dreamed of a mom doesn’t mean she would undermine your trust and sabotage your current life plans. do you not trust her as a person at all? considering that she’s open about wanting kids it makes sense that she would want to keep an oops baby because in her mind it just changed the timing, not the occurrence. </s>
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AITA for not wanting anything to do with a child that was conceived using my donor sperm?
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back in college i needed money, so yeah i did the thing. anyway here we are 15 years later and the anonymity it was told of was a lie. a couple weeks ago this 15 year old girl contacted me, claiming to be my biological daughter, it turns out her mom is a lesbian and she has no real male role model in her life. she doesn't seem like a bad kid or anything, but i have my my kids that i created and raised with my wife now and i really dont want more than that. i dont mind giving her medical history because well that may do her good in the long run i dunno. but beyond that i dont want anything to do with her.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
aita for that?
| 5,951
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvsc0l/aita_for_not_wanting_anything_to_do_with_a_child/
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2019-06-02 01:44:45
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nah. you may biologically be her father, but the mother selected your sperm, knowing that it this does not come with a father for said child.
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nah, but two notes:
- absolutely give her access to your medical history, especially if your family has a history of conditions (like cancer or high blood pressure)
- try and let her down gently, she’s not your kid, but she is *a* kid
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for the people who said y-ta you do realize that people actually need sperm donations and it’s not being a “frigid dick”. is donating your blood being a frigid dick if you don’t want to talk to the receiver? is it if you donate a kidney but don’t want contact with the recipient?
like i get it’s technically his biological child, but sperm donation does not require you to be in their life at all / financially supportive. so no, he’s nta.
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nah - she may be your biological kid but you aren’t really responsible for her.
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nta. you are being put in an awkward situation. i think the medical information is generous. you can't take donor sperm and then decades later want a relationship with the child product from that.
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nah - unless you include the place that told her your identity. i mean it's a tough situation, it would be nice for her if you were in her life, but i don't think you should be obligated to be. she's not the asshole either though for wanting to reach out.
also if you still have a contract from the place you donated at you should check that or local laws and see if you have any recourse for them giving away your identity
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nah, this girl probably has a lot of difficult feelings about not having a dad but knowing her biological father is out there somewhere. it’s natural to be curious and she didn’t get to choose the way she was concieved. i’m 21 and just recently found out my parents used a sperm donor to have me. it’s a tough thing to work through. i want to know who my biological father is, but i understand that he donated with the assumption he would remain anonymous and i would never reach out and ask for a relationship. this girl is only 15 though, so give her some slack.
i think you’re doing the right thing by giving her medical info but you aren’t obligated to do anything beyond that. it would be cold to ignore her completely even though you donated “anonymously”. there’s an ongoing ethical debate about anonymous egg and sperm donation for this exact reason.
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nta - this is not what you signed up for as a donor. i think giving her medical info/history is a good idea but it’s also ok to gently tell her beyond that you are not in a position to have a relationship with her.
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you may be her father, but you aint her daddy
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nah - i think having a conversation or two with her is not unreasonable. let her find out about where she came from biologically. i don't think you owe her a longer-term commitment or anything, but i think it would be very much appreciated to at least offer her that much.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.026189
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: back in college i needed money, so yeah i did the thing. anyway here we are 15 years later and the anonymity it was told of was a lie. a couple weeks ago this 15 year old girl contacted me, claiming to be my biological daughter, it turns out her mom is a lesbian and she has no real male role model in her life. she doesn't seem like a bad kid or anything, but i have my my kids that i created and raised with my wife now and i really dont want more than that. i dont mind giving her medical history because well that may do her good in the long run i dunno. but beyond that i dont want anything to do with her. &#x200b; &#x200b; aita for that?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
back in college i needed money, so yeah i did the thing. anyway here we are 15 years later and the anonymity it was told of was a lie. a couple weeks ago this 15 year old girl contacted me, claiming to be my biological daughter, it turns out her mom is a lesbian and she has no real male role model in her life. she doesn't seem like a bad kid or anything, but i have my my kids that i created and raised with my wife now and i really dont want more than that. i dont mind giving her medical history because well that may do her good in the long run i dunno. but beyond that i dont want anything to do with her. &#x200b; &#x200b; aita for that? [/INST] nah. you may biologically be her father, but the mother selected your sperm, knowing that it this does not come with a father for said child. </s>
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AITA for getting upset about bridal shower gifts?
|
i just had my bridal shower near where my family lives on the east coast. my fiancé and i live all the way in california, and prior to my bridal shower requested that any gift purchased (with the exception of cash) be sent to our address in ca. our registry contained all sorts of things, many of which are fragile like china, wine flutes, etc… it seemed like a no-brainer to politely ask if people could have their gifts shipped to us to avoid the hassle of opening things and then having to pack them back up and ship them to the literal other side of the country. i even suggested that people wrap up a picture of the gift so i could open that instead.
well, the day came and i’d noticed i’d barely received any gifts at my house. i figured maybe a lot of people just decided to give cash? nope. most people (40 guests total) decided to bring their gifts and had me open them in person. i was so upset, i wanted to cry. the whole time i was thinking i had 2 options: either ship all of these fragile gifts back to ca, or return them all and then buy them again and send them to my address. the thing is, my flight left to go back home the day after my shower, so now i’m stuck waiting on my mother to return everything for me. she said it’s hundreds of dollars to ship everything, so she’s just going to return it all to the companies they came from and then i can re-buy everything. but she’s not one to hustle with things that aren’t about her, and told me she’ll get around to it eventually.
she mentioned i was overreacting about this and that people just want to see me open stuff. it just sucked to feel like people just wanted to see their actual gift get opened at my shower and didn’t care how inconvenient it really was for me. i’m going to have to wait months to actually get to enjoy this stuff/purchase all the gifts over again with all of the store credit.
aita for wanting people to send their shower gifts directly to me?
**
| 2,706
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oejq0k/aita_for_getting_upset_about_bridal_shower_gifts/
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2021-07-06 00:15:30
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nah. i don’t understand these comments at all. i don’t think the guests are ah either cause they probably weren’t thinking too much about the shipping, or they all individually thought “well if one person brings a gift that’s not a big deal” but then they all did it.
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nta whatsoever. some of these people don’t understand east coast traditions, and since you said to ship them to you in cali, it was rude of people to bring them in person. a similar thing happened at my wedding and just ugh it was a hassle.
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nta. and i don't at all agree with "they want to see you open it" speal. getting someone a gift is about doing a kindness for the other person. it shouldn't be about the gift giver. and you gave them a super creative out (wrap a picture) that would have produced the same effect anyway. this whole situation would have given me serious anxiety and i would have felt completely disrespected. the occasion was for you and about you... your wishes should have been honored.
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going against the grain and saying nta because i live away from my hometown too and i totally get this struggle. the number of times i’ve been given gifts like lotion or whatever in bottles way too big to bring on the plans. it really is a massive pain and gifts shouldn’t cause an inconvenience to the receiver because then it isn’t a gift, it’s a chore. also, it’s kind of nuts to me that so many people are calling you ungrateful. how many times have all of you guys been ungrateful for a gift you didn’t like because you knew it wasn’t your taste so you would never use it?? this is basically the same thing
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nta….everyone on here saying you are, surprise me!!! you made this easy and they wanted their own gratification over logic. if you ever have a child, do not have a shower with them. they can come to you or wait for photos. no one is understanding the logistical nightmare this is for you. you made a process super easy and no one cared. they just wanted to see their gift opened and ignored that you lived on the other coast.
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nta?
idk why everyone is saying a???? you literally cannot take them home without spending hundreds more which could have been avoided if people just mailed it like you asked?!?! and even then it's not guaranteed to make it back in one piece- so you could spend what, $600, to send broken glass across the country?!?
this is the adult world, you're supposed to listen to one another, not just do what's easiest for you (meaning the guests). and now you flew to the east coast too have a stressful party and now everyone is upset you can't carry porcelain on your lap on a plane back home.
i'm sorry but reddit is being ridiculous. you are not an asshole for being stressed about shipping hundreds of dollars of gifts that you asked people to ship super cheaply before hand.
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i can’t believe the amount of grief op is getting. i would’ve done the exact same.
nta
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why is everyone calling you an asshole? you said before the shower that if anyone wanted to get you something (not required!) you asked them to have it shipped and it seems like nobody listened. if i was invited to a shower and the bride asked that any gift be shipped because she lived out of state, i would either gift cash/gift card or ship the damn gift. nta!!
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i cannot believe how many people think you're the ah here. i'm going to be in the small minority that understands how frustrating and financially impossible it would be to remedy this situation. i do think that the shipping option would have needed to be a bit more explicit though. not just mentioned on the website. because people just aren't going to pay attention to those types of details.
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against the grain but nta. they could’ve brought photos of the gift, as stated, and then they’d still get to see your expression upon opening them which is still cool for the guests. you went out there to make it easier on your guests who were attending sooo. you don’t seem greedy or gift grabby. don’t just donate the stuff though (if you haven’t already) if you have lots of family up there maybe just have someone hold onto the gifts for awhile and then when you have the money have things shipped a few at a time if possible?
edit : a word
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.000485
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i just had my bridal shower near where my family lives on the east coast. my fiancé and i live all the way in california, and prior to my bridal shower requested that any gift purchased (with the exception of cash) be sent to our address in ca. our registry contained all sorts of things, many of which are fragile like china, wine flutes, etc… it seemed like a no-brainer to politely ask if people could have their gifts shipped to us to avoid the hassle of opening things and then having to pack them back up and ship them to the literal other side of the country. i even suggested that people wrap up a picture of the gift so i could open that instead. well, the day came and i’d noticed i’d barely received any gifts at my house. i figured maybe a lot of people just decided to give cash? nope. most people (40 guests total) decided to bring their gifts and had me open them in person. i was so upset, i wanted to cry. the whole time i was thinking i had 2 options: either ship all of these fragile gifts back to ca, or return them all and then buy them again and send them to my address. the thing is, my flight left to go back home the day after my shower, so now i’m stuck waiting on my mother to return everything for me. she said it’s hundreds of dollars to ship everything, so she’s just going to return it all to the companies they came from and then i can re-buy everything. but she’s not one to hustle with things that aren’t about her, and told me she’ll get around to it eventually. she mentioned i was overreacting about this and that people just want to see me open stuff. it just sucked to feel like people just wanted to see their actual gift get opened at my shower and didn’t care how inconvenient it really was for me. i’m going to have to wait months to actually get to enjoy this stuff/purchase all the gifts over again with all of the store credit. aita for wanting people to send their shower gifts directly to me? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i just had my bridal shower near where my family lives on the east coast. my fiancé and i live all the way in california, and prior to my bridal shower requested that any gift purchased (with the exception of cash) be sent to our address in ca. our registry contained all sorts of things, many of which are fragile like china, wine flutes, etc… it seemed like a no-brainer to politely ask if people could have their gifts shipped to us to avoid the hassle of opening things and then having to pack them back up and ship them to the literal other side of the country. i even suggested that people wrap up a picture of the gift so i could open that instead. well, the day came and i’d noticed i’d barely received any gifts at my house. i figured maybe a lot of people just decided to give cash? nope. most people (40 guests total) decided to bring their gifts and had me open them in person. i was so upset, i wanted to cry. the whole time i was thinking i had 2 options: either ship all of these fragile gifts back to ca, or return them all and then buy them again and send them to my address. the thing is, my flight left to go back home the day after my shower, so now i’m stuck waiting on my mother to return everything for me. she said it’s hundreds of dollars to ship everything, so she’s just going to return it all to the companies they came from and then i can re-buy everything. but she’s not one to hustle with things that aren’t about her, and told me she’ll get around to it eventually. she mentioned i was overreacting about this and that people just want to see me open stuff. it just sucked to feel like people just wanted to see their actual gift get opened at my shower and didn’t care how inconvenient it really was for me. i’m going to have to wait months to actually get to enjoy this stuff/purchase all the gifts over again with all of the store credit. aita for wanting people to send their shower gifts directly to me? ** [/INST] nah. i don’t understand these comments at all. i don’t think the guests are ah either cause they probably weren’t thinking too much about the shipping, or they all individually thought “well if one person brings a gift that’s not a big deal” but then they all did it. </s>
|
AITA for telling a bunch of SAHM that they're jealous?
|
i'm a stay-at-home mom to a non-verbal autistic 5 years old. although he's autistic, he's capable for doing stuff like cleaning, dressing himself, going to the potty alone, etc... anyways i'm 31 and it's hard making friends with kids these days. i decided to join the local moms group and befriended a bunch of stay-at-home moms. we decided to meet up and have a play date with our kids. so while our kids played, we talked about our day-to-day duties. most of these moms do 100% of the house chores and take care of their kids on top of that. i told them that i make my husband do some chores around the house even though i'm a stay-at-home mom. i told them usually on the weekdays i take a nap when he gets home from work. so house duties are his until i wake up at 5 to make dinner. i even told them sometimes i wont wake up till 7 and my husband ends up making dinner. usually if he cooks dinner, i wash the dishes. if he vacuum, i mop. he also has bathroom, cat litter, and trash duties. they called me lazy then i proceeded by calling them jealous. i told them i clean my house daily when no ones home. my son goes to school till noon so i have enough time to clean and do laundry in the morning. also i like to clean after everyone goes to bed at night. they said i shouldn't make my husband do chores since i'm a stay-at-home mom. also i shouldn't give my autisic 5 years old chores. i told them they should stop being jealous and stop baby-ing their husband's. aita for the way i reacted?
| 3,518
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u1b9om/aita_for_telling_a_bunch_of_sahm_that_theyre/
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2022-04-11 16:11:32
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esh wow this sounds like legit the most boring conversation y'all could have possibly had... sitting around picking fights with each other over chores and telling other ppl what to do in their marriages. go get a hobby, all of ya.
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esh...
i wonder why its hard for you to make friends
|
esh
you and the sahm judged each other. no wonder why you're finding it hard to make friends. nothing wrong with your arrangement if it works for you and nothing wrong with their arrangement if it works for them.
don't judge others for how they handle their house and find a group that won't judge you for how you handle yours.
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[deleted]
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esh. i can't imagine anything more exhausting and pointless than debates with essentially strangers over the division of household labor.
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esh. either they are jealous, or they just fancied a vent about chores and you turned it into a whole thing. you sound exhausting. hadn’t you just met these people? no wonder you have trouble making friends. try being nice to people when you first meet them and hold back the crazy until you know them a bit better.
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>they called me lazy then i proceeded by calling them jealous
esh. nice way to make new friends. sounds like everyone just did a verbal dump of their household chore task list, and then judged everyone else who did it differently. this doesn't sounds like an uplifting and supportive group in any sense.
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lol. esh. find a group of friends you can just be happy around. no need to go back and forth with them if you think they’re jealous. never justify what works in your home.
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esh. ain't it funny how it's always the very last person you'd ever be jealous of who goes around saying people are jealous of them.
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nta. housework is unending. i couldn't do it all when i was a sahm, so i hired a maid service. my husband worked long hours, so having him help was unrealistic.
it's a good idea to have children learn to help early. it teaches them responsibility. it sounds to me like you are doing it right.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.209513
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a stay-at-home mom to a non-verbal autistic 5 years old. although he's autistic, he's capable for doing stuff like cleaning, dressing himself, going to the potty alone, etc... anyways i'm 31 and it's hard making friends with kids these days. i decided to join the local moms group and befriended a bunch of stay-at-home moms. we decided to meet up and have a play date with our kids. so while our kids played, we talked about our day-to-day duties. most of these moms do 100% of the house chores and take care of their kids on top of that. i told them that i make my husband do some chores around the house even though i'm a stay-at-home mom. i told them usually on the weekdays i take a nap when he gets home from work. so house duties are his until i wake up at 5 to make dinner. i even told them sometimes i wont wake up till 7 and my husband ends up making dinner. usually if he cooks dinner, i wash the dishes. if he vacuum, i mop. he also has bathroom, cat litter, and trash duties. they called me lazy then i proceeded by calling them jealous. i told them i clean my house daily when no ones home. my son goes to school till noon so i have enough time to clean and do laundry in the morning. also i like to clean after everyone goes to bed at night. they said i shouldn't make my husband do chores since i'm a stay-at-home mom. also i shouldn't give my autisic 5 years old chores. i told them they should stop being jealous and stop baby-ing their husband's. aita for the way i reacted?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a stay-at-home mom to a non-verbal autistic 5 years old. although he's autistic, he's capable for doing stuff like cleaning, dressing himself, going to the potty alone, etc... anyways i'm 31 and it's hard making friends with kids these days. i decided to join the local moms group and befriended a bunch of stay-at-home moms. we decided to meet up and have a play date with our kids. so while our kids played, we talked about our day-to-day duties. most of these moms do 100% of the house chores and take care of their kids on top of that. i told them that i make my husband do some chores around the house even though i'm a stay-at-home mom. i told them usually on the weekdays i take a nap when he gets home from work. so house duties are his until i wake up at 5 to make dinner. i even told them sometimes i wont wake up till 7 and my husband ends up making dinner. usually if he cooks dinner, i wash the dishes. if he vacuum, i mop. he also has bathroom, cat litter, and trash duties. they called me lazy then i proceeded by calling them jealous. i told them i clean my house daily when no ones home. my son goes to school till noon so i have enough time to clean and do laundry in the morning. also i like to clean after everyone goes to bed at night. they said i shouldn't make my husband do chores since i'm a stay-at-home mom. also i shouldn't give my autisic 5 years old chores. i told them they should stop being jealous and stop baby-ing their husband's. aita for the way i reacted? [/INST] esh wow this sounds like legit the most boring conversation y'all could have possibly had... sitting around picking fights with each other over chores and telling other ppl what to do in their marriages. go get a hobby, all of ya. </s>
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AITA for letting my husband struggle wit our baby?
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for the past 2 weeks i have barely slept, ate like shit, and pretty much been dealing with our 4 month old baby on my own. every waking moment i have is with her. she is going through some sort of phase. i exclusively breastfeed. the past few days i have only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep (sometimes it’s really hard to fall asleep after waking up at 3:30 am. i will literally toss and turn for hours until she wakes up again around 6, and by that point she is up because the sun is up). she is going through sleep reversion. basically i’m exhausted. i do everything in my power to comfort her when she cries, but it seems like all she does is fuss and cry if i’m not holding her.
i’m at my breaking point. my husband is currently with her right now. for the past hour she has just cried and fussed no matter what he did (offered her a bottle of breastmilk, played w/ her, held her, etc), and i don’t care. i don’t care how hard it is for him. i just want to be alone. she is still crying and all i want to do is leave the house. i pumped enough milk for 3 bottles. aita if i just leave for a few hours and let him struggle?
edit
hi everyone thank you so much for weighing in on this! it’s been about 3 hours give or take since i left the house. i went to starbucks to listen to music and do some sketching. i feel relaxed. in the moment, i was feeling so frustrated and resentful that i needed to step out and i’m glad i did. someone here mentioned that i sound like i’m punishing my husband, and tbh, i felt like i was doing that too, in a sense. he is a really good husband and a really good father, and we have a “traditional” marriage/gender roles. we both like it this way, but it comes with it’s challenges and sometimes i wish he could produce breastmilk. lol.
he works really hard and i try not to immediately dump all my stuff on him, but i do communicate with him about how difficult these past few weeks have been. he has encouraged me as much as he can and does what he can. with exclusive breastfeeding, i am the only one who feeds her, and the only one who should wake up in the middle of the night. i rarely pump because i rarely have time, plus i hate constantly cleaning pump parts. i was fortunate to have pumped yesterday and this morning and was able to get away.
anyways i thought i would give more info. i hope it helps.thank you for all the encouraging words!
| 2,088
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqgw2d/aita_for_letting_my_husband_struggle_wit_our_baby/
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2019-05-19 13:22:33
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nah it sounds like you’ve dealt with her alone a lot and now he’s dealing with her alone.
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nah but it would probably help if you two could have an explicit conversation sometime in the next couple days. that gives you a better chance of solving the problem long-term than just dumping the baby on him without warning.
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nah
you are perfectly entitled to have a break but should really let your husband know how you feel. don't ask for permission just tell him you need the space.
it's probably worth talking to someone too about how you can get some help with the baby and yourself, parenthood is rough as fuck man get all the help you can.
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nah.
you deserve time to yourself. quiet, adult, no one touching you time.
its okay to take that time. it's okay to expect your husband, the father of your baby to do some of the hard "why won't you stop crying" hours. its okay to ask for help. it's okay to accept help.
sometimes being "selfish" is the best thing you can do for your baby.
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nah. i’m the father of three and you’re acting totally normal. and so is your husband. a bit of you time where your husband deals with the kiddo while you get some coffee will do you a world of good.
the stage you’re in is extremely challenging. both my wife and i thought at times we were going to break. but we got through and things really do get easier.
my biggest advice is you have to actively maintain a connection with your husband and not become coworkers and turn on each other because of the stress.
you got this!
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nah
letting your husband "struggle" is fine. it's his kid too. many dad's either don't have the opportunity to figure it out with their kids or don't have the interest. ywbta if you didn't give him this one on one time. how will he ever be a competent father if you're always babysitting him?
furthermore you've breastfed for 4 months now and you're clearly really struggling with sleep deprivation. if you only sleep 3 hours a night you can't survive like that. you will go crazy. give your husband pumped bottles or formula. he made this child too and it's important he get to take part in everything.
if he complains that spending a day with his child is too much he is a massive asshole. you've clearly been carrying more than your fair share of the burden. i'm sure if he's a good man he will embrace the bonding time and be happy you are getting a well deserved break. take a day, recharge, and come back rested for your family. you can't be a good wife and mom if you're literally dying from exhaustion. sleep deprivation is a form of torture. take care of yourself.
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[deleted]
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nah. the child has two parents, and you are doing the vast majority of the childcare. you need rest in order to function and not develop ppd, or major resentment of your child and/or husband. let him figure it out.
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nah, am a father of two and it gets rough and no parent can do it alone all the time. i know the feeling you are going through as i did all night duties for them and there are times where you do have to let them lay there and cry it out for a few minutes. also it is very important that you get out of the house and just go for a walk or go sit on a bench for awhile and just be away. my wife is a stay at home mother and she has what i call "mandatory mommy time" every weekend where she goes and gets her nails done, walks around the mall, or goes to a painting class or something. if you don't get that away time you may end up having a lot of resentment towards your children and they can detect that even at a very young age.
>i don’t care how hard it is for him. i just want to be alone. she is still crying and all i want to do is leave the house
this right here though may be a some post partum coming to roost so if the feeling persists even when the baby isn't fussing you should go talk to someone before it possibly gets worse.
stay strong, make sure to put on your oxygen mask before assisting others, and always remember that it is better to get help then to drown.
&#x200b;
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nah this is just part of having a newborn.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the past 2 weeks i have barely slept, ate like shit, and pretty much been dealing with our 4 month old baby on my own. every waking moment i have is with her. she is going through some sort of phase. i exclusively breastfeed. the past few days i have only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep (sometimes it’s really hard to fall asleep after waking up at 3:30 am. i will literally toss and turn for hours until she wakes up again around 6, and by that point she is up because the sun is up). she is going through sleep reversion. basically i’m exhausted. i do everything in my power to comfort her when she cries, but it seems like all she does is fuss and cry if i’m not holding her. i’m at my breaking point. my husband is currently with her right now. for the past hour she has just cried and fussed no matter what he did (offered her a bottle of breastmilk, played w/ her, held her, etc), and i don’t care. i don’t care how hard it is for him. i just want to be alone. she is still crying and all i want to do is leave the house. i pumped enough milk for 3 bottles. aita if i just leave for a few hours and let him struggle? edit hi everyone thank you so much for weighing in on this! it’s been about 3 hours give or take since i left the house. i went to starbucks to listen to music and do some sketching. i feel relaxed. in the moment, i was feeling so frustrated and resentful that i needed to step out and i’m glad i did. someone here mentioned that i sound like i’m punishing my husband, and tbh, i felt like i was doing that too, in a sense. he is a really good husband and a really good father, and we have a “traditional” marriage/gender roles. we both like it this way, but it comes with it’s challenges and sometimes i wish he could produce breastmilk. lol. he works really hard and i try not to immediately dump all my stuff on him, but i do communicate with him about how difficult these past few weeks have been. he has encouraged me as much as he can and does what he can. with exclusive breastfeeding, i am the only one who feeds her, and the only one who should wake up in the middle of the night. i rarely pump because i rarely have time, plus i hate constantly cleaning pump parts. i was fortunate to have pumped yesterday and this morning and was able to get away. anyways i thought i would give more info. i hope it helps.thank you for all the encouraging words!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for the past 2 weeks i have barely slept, ate like shit, and pretty much been dealing with our 4 month old baby on my own. every waking moment i have is with her. she is going through some sort of phase. i exclusively breastfeed. the past few days i have only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep (sometimes it’s really hard to fall asleep after waking up at 3:30 am. i will literally toss and turn for hours until she wakes up again around 6, and by that point she is up because the sun is up). she is going through sleep reversion. basically i’m exhausted. i do everything in my power to comfort her when she cries, but it seems like all she does is fuss and cry if i’m not holding her. i’m at my breaking point. my husband is currently with her right now. for the past hour she has just cried and fussed no matter what he did (offered her a bottle of breastmilk, played w/ her, held her, etc), and i don’t care. i don’t care how hard it is for him. i just want to be alone. she is still crying and all i want to do is leave the house. i pumped enough milk for 3 bottles. aita if i just leave for a few hours and let him struggle? edit hi everyone thank you so much for weighing in on this! it’s been about 3 hours give or take since i left the house. i went to starbucks to listen to music and do some sketching. i feel relaxed. in the moment, i was feeling so frustrated and resentful that i needed to step out and i’m glad i did. someone here mentioned that i sound like i’m punishing my husband, and tbh, i felt like i was doing that too, in a sense. he is a really good husband and a really good father, and we have a “traditional” marriage/gender roles. we both like it this way, but it comes with it’s challenges and sometimes i wish he could produce breastmilk. lol. he works really hard and i try not to immediately dump all my stuff on him, but i do communicate with him about how difficult these past few weeks have been. he has encouraged me as much as he can and does what he can. with exclusive breastfeeding, i am the only one who feeds her, and the only one who should wake up in the middle of the night. i rarely pump because i rarely have time, plus i hate constantly cleaning pump parts. i was fortunate to have pumped yesterday and this morning and was able to get away. anyways i thought i would give more info. i hope it helps.thank you for all the encouraging words! [/INST] nah it sounds like you’ve dealt with her alone a lot and now he’s dealing with her alone. </s>
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AITA for bringing my stuffed bear to my friend's presentation?
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i (20f) have had my teddy bear since i was one. his name is elijah and i used to take him everywhere as a kid. about three months ago, i decided i wanted to start bringing him places with me again.
i know it sounds dumb but i feel bad just leaving him home alone all the time, i know he isn't a sentient being but it still makes me feel better when i feel like he's getting to "see the world."
he comes to picnics & hikes i go on with my friends, i take him to restaurants, other people's houses, the mall, etc. i usually just hold him in my lap or tuck him beside me on the seat, i don't wave him around or make a huge deal out of it. i just enjoy having him with me. i find having him with me has helped with my social anxiety and ocd, especially when i'm out in public.
none of the friends in my friend group mind at all. they'll ask to have a turn holding elijah or offer to carry him for a bit, so i know they don't mind me bringing him on outings.
anyway, one of our friends "carly" invited us to sit in on a presentation she was giving for a club at her college. she didn't say we had to dress up (she didn't specify dress code at all, actually), but we all put on nice formal outfits so we wouldn't show up looking like messes. i also brought a purse with me and tucked elijah into it.
i didn't plan on taking him out during her presentation because i pictured it being more formal than it was, but when we got there, we were all seriously overdressed, so i figured it would be okay for elijah to just sit in my lap during the presentation. when we got up to walk around, i put him back in my purse.
after the presentation, carly pulled me aside and asked if i thought she was "a fucking joke." i didn't know why she was so angry so i complimented her presentation, but she told me to cut the crap and leave if i wanted to "turn her into the laughing stock of the school." she looked like she was about to start screaming so i told her i was going to use the bathroom and excused myself, then just waited for the rest of my friends to finish socializing and met them at the car.
we were all supposed to go out for dinner after but carly said she didn't feel like being around me or my "accessory," so a couple of us went to get snacks and the rest went to dinner with carly.
aita? i feel guilty for making her upset and embarrassed but at the same time, i doubt anyone noticed but her, and if they did i don't think it matters because i wasn't giving the presentation? but i would like an outside opinion.
| 1,554
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/njlygz/aita_for_bringing_my_stuffed_bear_to_my_friends/
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2021-05-24 01:05:30
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esh
she was overreacting and was very rude. however, i will say i think that you bringing a teddy bear with you everywhere is performative and attention seeking.
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esh-her reaction was over the top but it would have been more appropriate to leave elijah in your purse given the nature of the event.
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i'm not going to call you an asshole, but you should probably think about seeing a therapist.
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esh
she kinda flipped a bit much. but look at it from her perspective, she's giving what is, to her, an important presentation. you go and take up a seat with a child's toy. in effect, you're giving the bear a seat on the audience. now she is giving a presentation to a bear, like a toddler would do.
just be aware that bringing your bear everywhere will have negative effects on you (you're probably fine with them) and those around you (you don't get to make the call for them).
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nta. what people like your friend fail to realize is no one lives their life specifically to impact someone else. especially someone you might call a friend. this person has let their own insecurity about the speech and what it means for them bleed over into guessing your intentions.
in what rational world would you bringing the bear to the speech have anything to do with the person presenting?
humans get very wrapped up in their own ego. especially when they feel insecure. because your friend lacks the emotional intelligence to process their own anxiety and insecurity they have directed it at you.
you can see it clearly in the comments claiming you’re doing it specifically to be performative when you’ve stated you’re not. humans, whether they want to or not, always have to center their experience or perspective, even at a complete disregard for what someone is telling them.
long story short, you are not the asshole. live your life. your teddy bear attachment may end up being too much if it really starts to disrupt your everyday life and the lives of others i.e. i couldn’t follow through on a previous arrangement because i couldn’t find elijah. or i’m neglecting my children because elijah is feeling lonely. etc.
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yta this is a very tiresome fixation. if you don't *have* to have it with you, then leave it at home when in public.
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info: was elijah dressed formally for the occasion?
seriously, though: if it’s someone else’s special event, ask first or keep him in your bag. you don’t want to distract a presenter.
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yta for taking out a teddy bear at a professional presentation. that’s not an appropriate thing to do.
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yta, softly. you (unintentionally) distracted and embarrassed your friend by doing something that most people would find odd, in front of her peers that she was trying to impress. you know that it's odd or you wouldn't have hidden him in your purse to start out with. and you admit that it's not something that you need to do, you just "like" to do it (so he can see that world?), so it's not ableist for anyone to have a problem with it. you need to learn to read the room better. a critical presentation is not the time for you to indulge your new-found quirk. she was probably mortified and humiliated to be associated with your actions in front of her peers and professors. i personally would not have reacted like she did, but i probably would have rolled my eyes at you. then again, i'm not a 20 year old and have a pretty thick skin by now. she's probably going to be the butt of some jokes going forward and will be taken less seriously because she hangs out with a grown woman who carrys a teddy bear around. i think you owe her an apology. she owes you one, too, for over reacting, but she's not the one here asking.
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esh. her for flipping out, you for acting like a 9 year old
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.184676
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20f) have had my teddy bear since i was one. his name is elijah and i used to take him everywhere as a kid. about three months ago, i decided i wanted to start bringing him places with me again. i know it sounds dumb but i feel bad just leaving him home alone all the time, i know he isn't a sentient being but it still makes me feel better when i feel like he's getting to "see the world." he comes to picnics & hikes i go on with my friends, i take him to restaurants, other people's houses, the mall, etc. i usually just hold him in my lap or tuck him beside me on the seat, i don't wave him around or make a huge deal out of it. i just enjoy having him with me. i find having him with me has helped with my social anxiety and ocd, especially when i'm out in public. none of the friends in my friend group mind at all. they'll ask to have a turn holding elijah or offer to carry him for a bit, so i know they don't mind me bringing him on outings. anyway, one of our friends "carly" invited us to sit in on a presentation she was giving for a club at her college. she didn't say we had to dress up (she didn't specify dress code at all, actually), but we all put on nice formal outfits so we wouldn't show up looking like messes. i also brought a purse with me and tucked elijah into it. i didn't plan on taking him out during her presentation because i pictured it being more formal than it was, but when we got there, we were all seriously overdressed, so i figured it would be okay for elijah to just sit in my lap during the presentation. when we got up to walk around, i put him back in my purse. after the presentation, carly pulled me aside and asked if i thought she was "a fucking joke." i didn't know why she was so angry so i complimented her presentation, but she told me to cut the crap and leave if i wanted to "turn her into the laughing stock of the school." she looked like she was about to start screaming so i told her i was going to use the bathroom and excused myself, then just waited for the rest of my friends to finish socializing and met them at the car. we were all supposed to go out for dinner after but carly said she didn't feel like being around me or my "accessory," so a couple of us went to get snacks and the rest went to dinner with carly. aita? i feel guilty for making her upset and embarrassed but at the same time, i doubt anyone noticed but her, and if they did i don't think it matters because i wasn't giving the presentation? but i would like an outside opinion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) have had my teddy bear since i was one. his name is elijah and i used to take him everywhere as a kid. about three months ago, i decided i wanted to start bringing him places with me again. i know it sounds dumb but i feel bad just leaving him home alone all the time, i know he isn't a sentient being but it still makes me feel better when i feel like he's getting to "see the world." he comes to picnics & hikes i go on with my friends, i take him to restaurants, other people's houses, the mall, etc. i usually just hold him in my lap or tuck him beside me on the seat, i don't wave him around or make a huge deal out of it. i just enjoy having him with me. i find having him with me has helped with my social anxiety and ocd, especially when i'm out in public. none of the friends in my friend group mind at all. they'll ask to have a turn holding elijah or offer to carry him for a bit, so i know they don't mind me bringing him on outings. anyway, one of our friends "carly" invited us to sit in on a presentation she was giving for a club at her college. she didn't say we had to dress up (she didn't specify dress code at all, actually), but we all put on nice formal outfits so we wouldn't show up looking like messes. i also brought a purse with me and tucked elijah into it. i didn't plan on taking him out during her presentation because i pictured it being more formal than it was, but when we got there, we were all seriously overdressed, so i figured it would be okay for elijah to just sit in my lap during the presentation. when we got up to walk around, i put him back in my purse. after the presentation, carly pulled me aside and asked if i thought she was "a fucking joke." i didn't know why she was so angry so i complimented her presentation, but she told me to cut the crap and leave if i wanted to "turn her into the laughing stock of the school." she looked like she was about to start screaming so i told her i was going to use the bathroom and excused myself, then just waited for the rest of my friends to finish socializing and met them at the car. we were all supposed to go out for dinner after but carly said she didn't feel like being around me or my "accessory," so a couple of us went to get snacks and the rest went to dinner with carly. aita? i feel guilty for making her upset and embarrassed but at the same time, i doubt anyone noticed but her, and if they did i don't think it matters because i wasn't giving the presentation? but i would like an outside opinion. [/INST] esh she was overreacting and was very rude. however, i will say i think that you bringing a teddy bear with you everywhere is performative and attention seeking. </s>
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AITA for refusing to eat food I don't like?
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i (56m) have a son (28m) who spent a lot of time traveling overseas in his college years. he went all around the world, including several trips to the middle east, where he studied for his minor in arabic language and literature.
a few years ago, my son found out that a woman he knew in pakistan had a son (9m). she claimed this son was his, which i doubted. my son, however, believed her without question. he asked this woman to send her son to the us to stay with my son so they could get to know each other. he has spent the last few summers here.
recently, the boy moved in with my son fulltime, a decision i strongly urged against. my son enrolled him in the same private school we sent him to at that age, which is very expensive. i have tried to support my son's decision, but it has been hard. i really want my son to get a dna test, but he stubbornly keeps refusing.
recently, things came to a head at a family dinner my son invited us to. he said the boy was feeling homesick, so they cooked pakistani food together. my son wanted the whole family to eat this food, because he said it would make the boy feel like he and his culture were accepted by the whole family.
now, i don't like middle eastern food. i don't like strong spices. my son begged me to just try some of it, or to at least eat the bread they made. the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it though, so i refused. my son got mad and asked me to please eat something just to "make your grandson happy." he pulled me aside for this, so the boy wasn't present to hear our conversation.
i told my son that i have no proof he is my grandson, and even if i did, i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like. my son called me a selfish, stubborn a and then asked me to leave. so, i did. my wife stayed though.
my wife agrees with me that i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like, but she said i could have at least tried a bite to appease our son. she thinks i was just being stubborn to be stubborn. i wasn't though. i don't like middle eastern food, that's all. how can i be the a for that? still, my son isn't speaking to me right now. should i have just tried some bread?
| 11,592
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rtkzk5/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_food_i_dont_like/
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2022-01-01 14:59:02
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yta, pakistan isn’t even middle eastern lol it’s south asian but aight 😭😭😭 btw i’d also be angry if i reached middle age and couldn’t handle the “weird spices” on bread
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yta for not even trying the food before deciding you don't like it, and for thinking your opinion matters in regard to whether this child is his son or not.
gah, you're my exact age, and the stupendous, self-absorbed immaturity in your post...that breeze you feel is not evidence that the universe revolves around you.
i have to wonder if you'd be as dismissive of this kid if he were white.
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this isn't about food, this is about you refusing to believe a kid is your grandson because of his race. at least admit to yourself that if the grandson was your same race, you wouldn't be denying it so vehemently. yta
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you don't just not like middle eastern food, you don't like middle eastern people. you didn't give any reason, why you doubt the boy is your grandson, except that his mother is pakistani. god forbid, you didn't spell it out, but it's in big letters between the lines.
obviously your son loves the boy, so even if he wasn't his, you could try to learn a bit about him and his culture. you cannot even be bothered to try bread because it has spices on it, to help a homesick child?
i guess you would even refuse mint tea, if somebody told you it was middle eastern drink.
you are not only ta, you are a racist asshole.
yta yta yta
|
“the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it.”
i guess you took off your bib, got down from your booster seat, and toddled away. seriously? it’s *bread* and you could have tried it.
let’s get to the real issue here, which isn’t the food. for whatever reason we aren’t privy to, this boy is your son’s child. instead of fighting this, why not embrace him and develop a relationship with him? you can state that these conversations about his dna are out of earshot of the boy, but i can guarantee you that this child can sense your disdain for him. and what’s his crime? being pakistani? i feel so sorry for the little boy and your son. you are unsupportive and, at worst, racist.
oh, and ridiculously picky. yta.
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yta and supposedly an adult. act like one. you don’t snub the host of a dinner by refusing to even try a bite of the meal they made for everyone just because you don’t like spices. get over yourself.
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yta.
for all the reasons all the other good ppl of reddit are saying.
but what’s annoying me the most?
the xenophobia that clearly shines through when you are equating pakistan as middle east.
there may be overlap in cultures and religion, especially as you go west from pakistan geographically towards the ‘middle east’ but yo. not. the. same.
it would be like saying ‘ugh they tried to make me eat burgers (or insert some very american food) i didn’t want to cos i don’t like european food okay?‘
not a perfect analogy but as senseless.
biryani vs kabsa/mandi.
samosa vs falafel.
naan vs pita.
if you are gonna be a racist, at least get your facts straight??
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yta. you sound like a child complaining about specks on bread that you don’t like despite never actually trying. your son loves this boy like family, that should be enough for you.
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this doesn't seem to be about food so much as your refusal to acknowledge this boy as family.
your son seems to have come to the conclusion that blood or not, he's acting as a father figure to the boy. you seem to strongly resent that. this is driving a wedge between you and your son.
any adult who is repulsed by "flecks of weird spices" would be annoying to deal with.
yta. you could have found something or even sat at the table and had tea or water to participate. i think at the end of the day, the point is you didn't want to participate and you don't want your son to take on this boy as a responsibility and you have refused to tell him so.
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info: do you think mayonnaise is spicy?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (56m) have a son (28m) who spent a lot of time traveling overseas in his college years. he went all around the world, including several trips to the middle east, where he studied for his minor in arabic language and literature. a few years ago, my son found out that a woman he knew in pakistan had a son (9m). she claimed this son was his, which i doubted. my son, however, believed her without question. he asked this woman to send her son to the us to stay with my son so they could get to know each other. he has spent the last few summers here. recently, the boy moved in with my son fulltime, a decision i strongly urged against. my son enrolled him in the same private school we sent him to at that age, which is very expensive. i have tried to support my son's decision, but it has been hard. i really want my son to get a dna test, but he stubbornly keeps refusing. recently, things came to a head at a family dinner my son invited us to. he said the boy was feeling homesick, so they cooked pakistani food together. my son wanted the whole family to eat this food, because he said it would make the boy feel like he and his culture were accepted by the whole family. now, i don't like middle eastern food. i don't like strong spices. my son begged me to just try some of it, or to at least eat the bread they made. the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it though, so i refused. my son got mad and asked me to please eat something just to "make your grandson happy." he pulled me aside for this, so the boy wasn't present to hear our conversation. i told my son that i have no proof he is my grandson, and even if i did, i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like. my son called me a selfish, stubborn a and then asked me to leave. so, i did. my wife stayed though. my wife agrees with me that i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like, but she said i could have at least tried a bite to appease our son. she thinks i was just being stubborn to be stubborn. i wasn't though. i don't like middle eastern food, that's all. how can i be the a for that? still, my son isn't speaking to me right now. should i have just tried some bread?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (56m) have a son (28m) who spent a lot of time traveling overseas in his college years. he went all around the world, including several trips to the middle east, where he studied for his minor in arabic language and literature. a few years ago, my son found out that a woman he knew in pakistan had a son (9m). she claimed this son was his, which i doubted. my son, however, believed her without question. he asked this woman to send her son to the us to stay with my son so they could get to know each other. he has spent the last few summers here. recently, the boy moved in with my son fulltime, a decision i strongly urged against. my son enrolled him in the same private school we sent him to at that age, which is very expensive. i have tried to support my son's decision, but it has been hard. i really want my son to get a dna test, but he stubbornly keeps refusing. recently, things came to a head at a family dinner my son invited us to. he said the boy was feeling homesick, so they cooked pakistani food together. my son wanted the whole family to eat this food, because he said it would make the boy feel like he and his culture were accepted by the whole family. now, i don't like middle eastern food. i don't like strong spices. my son begged me to just try some of it, or to at least eat the bread they made. the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it though, so i refused. my son got mad and asked me to please eat something just to "make your grandson happy." he pulled me aside for this, so the boy wasn't present to hear our conversation. i told my son that i have no proof he is my grandson, and even if i did, i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like. my son called me a selfish, stubborn a and then asked me to leave. so, i did. my wife stayed though. my wife agrees with me that i shouldn't have to eat food i don't like, but she said i could have at least tried a bite to appease our son. she thinks i was just being stubborn to be stubborn. i wasn't though. i don't like middle eastern food, that's all. how can i be the a for that? still, my son isn't speaking to me right now. should i have just tried some bread? [/INST] yta, pakistan isn’t even middle eastern lol it’s south asian but aight 😭😭😭 btw i’d also be angry if i reached middle age and couldn’t handle the “weird spices” on bread </s>
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AITA for wearing a bikini during a work trip/vacation?
|
my company took my team to another city for a week for a conference. it was an extended trip with a lot of free time, so we all did some fun things too and the trip turned out to be half work/half vacation. there is no beach in the city where i usually live, so i suggested that we all go to the beach one afternoon. at the beach, i stripped down to a bikini to sunbathe and go swimming. after i did that, a coworker pulled me aside and said that what i was wearing was inappropriate, that even though we had gone to the beach during the afternoon for fun, we had gone together as a team of colleagues and that we should not be dressed so "unprofessionally".
i did not take him seriously, and just blew him off, i had a lot of fun that day at the beach. however things have escalated at work now, there have been complaints lodged about my lack of professionalism and inability to take criticism and change. complaints have been lodged with hr and my boss right now. it is worth noting that none of the others were wearing a bikini, they were dressed way more conservatively, even at the beach. aita?
edit : a lot of the guys were wearing swim shorts and no shirt or just a pair of boxers. i don't know how that is appropriate, but i'm not? all the women were wearing more clothes though, not even just bathing suits. the women were wearing t shirts/shirts with longish shorts/capris/pants. it is generally the women in my company who are conservative, but idk why this guy (who was very professionally dressed in just a pair of jean's shorts) took it up on himself to instigate this
| 8,434
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/deagmv/aita_for_wearing_a_bikini_during_a_work/
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2019-10-06 22:24:37
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nah but you probably didn’t make a very smart decision. this wasn’t your vacation- even if you had free time it was a work trip with your coworkers paid for by your office. if your work generally has conservative or professional dress common sense, and a viewing of your other coworkers around you at the beach, should have been a signal to you. are you the asshole - no of course not but we live in a society where appearance matters at work and not being the asshole doesn’t free you from consequences. at this point considering it’s escalated you should probably apologize for the lapse in judgment and hope it blows over.
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slight yta. read the room in these situations. a work trip is not a regular vacation. yes you may get some down time, but you have to fit in with your company's culture. you suggested the beach trip (which might have put some colleagues in an awkward situation: i sure as hell wouldn't wear a swimsuit in front of my boss!). it may have made you seem less serious about your job.
basically, if your work is paying for you to be there: you're at work. act like it.
if you want to take a beach vacation do it on your own dime.
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info what were other people wearing?
bathing suits but not bikinis, or were they wearing things like shorts/capris with t-shirts? i don’t think a bikini is inherently unprofessional but it could be that the tone of the event was less vacation and more work gathering that happens to be on a beach. still not worth talking to hr of course, your coworker went waaay over the top.
i
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nta, utterly ridiculous. i guess dress code for the beach is business casual. this is not even a work function, so i'm not sure how they can file any formal complaint.
unless there is something you aren't telling us with how revealing your bikini was relative to the rest of your group was i can't see any issue.
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nta, what's inappropriate about a bikini on the beach? what were you supposed to wear? if there was a beach dress code, they should have said so in advance.
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info:
was it a thong bikini or one that covers most of your butt cheeks? is there a large age discrepancy between you and your co-workers?
i'm leaning more toward n a h and as another commenter said, may just reflect naiveté in the workplace. i get that you were at the beach and could theoretically wear whatever you want. but when co-workers are present, it's always important to be mindful of how you present yourself because you never know what people may end up using against you (as stupid as that is, even if you are outside of work hours).
in addition, depending on your field of work, some professions or companies are just inherently more conservative than others. it's important to keep that in mind too.
&#x200b;
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wow! i audited financial institutions in the caribbean islands and we all went to the beach about a 100 times in 20 years. no one complained about my bikini. your coworkers sound like they suck. i never complained about any of them either. is it a woman or a man complaining?
actually i see it was a man. what kind of work do you do??
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i can't believe how many people are saying you're the asshole. it's swimwear! at the beach! work or no work that seems like appropriate dress, no?! nta
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til just how socially conservative americans actually are. in the uk and i suspect most/all western european countries this would constitute discrimination and she could be suing her workplace. probably a successful case for sexual harassment also. it blows my mind that anyone thinks it's ok to single out a woman for wearing swimwear whilst the guys walk around in trunks.
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it’s not the question of whether you’re an asshole or not, i mean yes that’s unprofessional but does that make you an “asshole” ? no
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NAH
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
| null | null | 0.669027
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my company took my team to another city for a week for a conference. it was an extended trip with a lot of free time, so we all did some fun things too and the trip turned out to be half work/half vacation. there is no beach in the city where i usually live, so i suggested that we all go to the beach one afternoon. at the beach, i stripped down to a bikini to sunbathe and go swimming. after i did that, a coworker pulled me aside and said that what i was wearing was inappropriate, that even though we had gone to the beach during the afternoon for fun, we had gone together as a team of colleagues and that we should not be dressed so "unprofessionally". i did not take him seriously, and just blew him off, i had a lot of fun that day at the beach. however things have escalated at work now, there have been complaints lodged about my lack of professionalism and inability to take criticism and change. complaints have been lodged with hr and my boss right now. it is worth noting that none of the others were wearing a bikini, they were dressed way more conservatively, even at the beach. aita? edit : a lot of the guys were wearing swim shorts and no shirt or just a pair of boxers. i don't know how that is appropriate, but i'm not? all the women were wearing more clothes though, not even just bathing suits. the women were wearing t shirts/shirts with longish shorts/capris/pants. it is generally the women in my company who are conservative, but idk why this guy (who was very professionally dressed in just a pair of jean's shorts) took it up on himself to instigate this
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my company took my team to another city for a week for a conference. it was an extended trip with a lot of free time, so we all did some fun things too and the trip turned out to be half work/half vacation. there is no beach in the city where i usually live, so i suggested that we all go to the beach one afternoon. at the beach, i stripped down to a bikini to sunbathe and go swimming. after i did that, a coworker pulled me aside and said that what i was wearing was inappropriate, that even though we had gone to the beach during the afternoon for fun, we had gone together as a team of colleagues and that we should not be dressed so "unprofessionally". i did not take him seriously, and just blew him off, i had a lot of fun that day at the beach. however things have escalated at work now, there have been complaints lodged about my lack of professionalism and inability to take criticism and change. complaints have been lodged with hr and my boss right now. it is worth noting that none of the others were wearing a bikini, they were dressed way more conservatively, even at the beach. aita? edit : a lot of the guys were wearing swim shorts and no shirt or just a pair of boxers. i don't know how that is appropriate, but i'm not? all the women were wearing more clothes though, not even just bathing suits. the women were wearing t shirts/shirts with longish shorts/capris/pants. it is generally the women in my company who are conservative, but idk why this guy (who was very professionally dressed in just a pair of jean's shorts) took it up on himself to instigate this [/INST] nah but you probably didn’t make a very smart decision. this wasn’t your vacation- even if you had free time it was a work trip with your coworkers paid for by your office. if your work generally has conservative or professional dress common sense, and a viewing of your other coworkers around you at the beach, should have been a signal to you. are you the asshole - no of course not but we live in a society where appearance matters at work and not being the asshole doesn’t free you from consequences. at this point considering it’s escalated you should probably apologize for the lapse in judgment and hope it blows over. </s>
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AITA for making a dick dip?
|
a few months ago, my (f32) brother mario (29) got married to a lovely lady, kate (29). kate and her family are nice people, but they’re extremely formal, and can be a bit cold. my family, on the other hand, is extremely casual. we love to joke around and poke fun. i think if kate’s family were to describe my family, there would be comments about propriety and lack thereof.
the day after the wedding, kate’s parents hosted brunch at their house. when i arrived, i walked into the living room. sitting there was kate’s dad, her grandma, and my other brother. on the coffee table, there was a large serving platter. on the serving platter, there was a dip that had been prepared in a mold. you don’t see a lot of dip molds these days, so [here’s a visual](https://www.createdby-diane.com/2010/07/how-to-make-dip-more-appetizing.html) to give you an idea of what i’m talking about. this dip was a little different. it was about a foot long, in the unmistakable shape of a penis and testicles.
when i saw it, i thought i had misjudged my brother’s new in-laws. food in the shape of dick and balls? what could be funnier than that? they had clearly been hiding their great sense of humour all this time. as soon as i saw the dip i burst out laughing.
“something left over from the bachelorette party?” i said.
my brother’s father-in-law looked me dead in the eyes.
“it’s a lobster,” he said.
as other guests arrived, it became clear who was in my family and who was in kate’s family. my family were all making thinly veiled penis jokes, while kate and her family ignored us and pretended there wasn’t a giant dick on the table.
“so creamy,” my cousin said as she dug into the shaft with a cracker.
“they should have put some sprouts around the base,” my aunt said.
for months, i’ve been telling people the dick dip story, and anyone with a sense of humour thinks it’s hilarious. last weekend, i had some people over to my house, and as a joke, i decided to make my own dick dip. out of respect for my sister-in-law, who lives in a different city, i did not post any photos of the dick dip to social media. some of my friends, however, couldn’t help themselves. kate saw photos of the dick dip on a mutual friend’s instagram story, and now she is upset.
i haven’t heard from her, but my brother called me and said i’m disrespecting her and her family. he says i need to apologize. in my opinion, i didn’t do anything wrong and kate should lighten up. it’s a dip in the shape of a penis. relax.
aita for making a dick dip?
| 15,948
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffvnyp/aita_for_making_a_dick_dip/
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2020-03-09 14:42:03
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nah - tell your brother you don't understand what the problem is, everyone can plainly see it's a lobster
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for anyone curious, google image search “lobster mold” and you will get a perfect visual. nah, your in-laws made a poor choice but that doesn’t make them ahs, to me this is funny and you didn’t act like an ah either, your gf is upset that you are sort of poking at her family but that doesn’t make her an ah either. however, apologizing costs you absolutely nothing so i can’t see why you don’t just tell her you are sorry for offending her.
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you are nta unless you dipped your dick in the dick dip.
never be a dick and dip your dick in the dick dip.
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against the common judgement i'd actally say sooooft yta.
and here is why:
first of all, the "dick dip" is hilarious and i would have laughed my ass of :d
but as you said the family of your brother doesn't see it that way and i can totally see how your brother's wife see's this as you mocking her (and her family). and since you said yourself you didn't post any pictures to not upset her you somewhat had it comming.
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yta not harshly and i wouldnt laughed too. however, you were in their home and obviously they didnt find it funny. you making the dip was very purposely making fun of them. you should have been clear to your friends about not posting it online. you obviously understood they would be upset (you didnt post for that reason). you owe them an apology, regardless if you agree or disagree with their sense of humor.
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i don't believe this for a second but i'm too amused to complain. "dick dip" will be playing in my head on repeat all day. thank you!
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nta. at most, it was a dick move (ha). your sil could stand to lighten up a bit.
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nah. that sounds fucking hilarious, but i can see why she might be sensitive if they'd gone to all this trouble and then watched y'all make fun of one of the dishes for however many hours of brunch. you're probably better off apologizing... and banning cameras the next time you make dick dip.
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the dick dip is hilarious, but yta. your comment at the party could be excused, you didn't know what was going on. but continuing to taunt and mock them on social media is just really rude. that's the kind of thing to keep as a nice in-joke with your family and a couple of your closest friends.
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oh my god no this is hilarious the dick dip story shall be told to all future generations to come. dick dip
day shall be a yearly event, where we all dance around a dick dip and make the most thinly veiled albeit horny jokes. winner gets to host next years dick dip day.
nta.
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.590164
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few months ago, my (f32) brother mario (29) got married to a lovely lady, kate (29). kate and her family are nice people, but they’re extremely formal, and can be a bit cold. my family, on the other hand, is extremely casual. we love to joke around and poke fun. i think if kate’s family were to describe my family, there would be comments about propriety and lack thereof. the day after the wedding, kate’s parents hosted brunch at their house. when i arrived, i walked into the living room. sitting there was kate’s dad, her grandma, and my other brother. on the coffee table, there was a large serving platter. on the serving platter, there was a dip that had been prepared in a mold. you don’t see a lot of dip molds these days, so [here’s a visual](https://www.createdby-diane.com/2010/07/how-to-make-dip-more-appetizing.html) to give you an idea of what i’m talking about. this dip was a little different. it was about a foot long, in the unmistakable shape of a penis and testicles. when i saw it, i thought i had misjudged my brother’s new in-laws. food in the shape of dick and balls? what could be funnier than that? they had clearly been hiding their great sense of humour all this time. as soon as i saw the dip i burst out laughing. “something left over from the bachelorette party?” i said. my brother’s father-in-law looked me dead in the eyes. “it’s a lobster,” he said. as other guests arrived, it became clear who was in my family and who was in kate’s family. my family were all making thinly veiled penis jokes, while kate and her family ignored us and pretended there wasn’t a giant dick on the table. “so creamy,” my cousin said as she dug into the shaft with a cracker. “they should have put some sprouts around the base,” my aunt said. for months, i’ve been telling people the dick dip story, and anyone with a sense of humour thinks it’s hilarious. last weekend, i had some people over to my house, and as a joke, i decided to make my own dick dip. out of respect for my sister-in-law, who lives in a different city, i did not post any photos of the dick dip to social media. some of my friends, however, couldn’t help themselves. kate saw photos of the dick dip on a mutual friend’s instagram story, and now she is upset. i haven’t heard from her, but my brother called me and said i’m disrespecting her and her family. he says i need to apologize. in my opinion, i didn’t do anything wrong and kate should lighten up. it’s a dip in the shape of a penis. relax. aita for making a dick dip?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a few months ago, my (f32) brother mario (29) got married to a lovely lady, kate (29). kate and her family are nice people, but they’re extremely formal, and can be a bit cold. my family, on the other hand, is extremely casual. we love to joke around and poke fun. i think if kate’s family were to describe my family, there would be comments about propriety and lack thereof. the day after the wedding, kate’s parents hosted brunch at their house. when i arrived, i walked into the living room. sitting there was kate’s dad, her grandma, and my other brother. on the coffee table, there was a large serving platter. on the serving platter, there was a dip that had been prepared in a mold. you don’t see a lot of dip molds these days, so [here’s a visual](https://www.createdby-diane.com/2010/07/how-to-make-dip-more-appetizing.html) to give you an idea of what i’m talking about. this dip was a little different. it was about a foot long, in the unmistakable shape of a penis and testicles. when i saw it, i thought i had misjudged my brother’s new in-laws. food in the shape of dick and balls? what could be funnier than that? they had clearly been hiding their great sense of humour all this time. as soon as i saw the dip i burst out laughing. “something left over from the bachelorette party?” i said. my brother’s father-in-law looked me dead in the eyes. “it’s a lobster,” he said. as other guests arrived, it became clear who was in my family and who was in kate’s family. my family were all making thinly veiled penis jokes, while kate and her family ignored us and pretended there wasn’t a giant dick on the table. “so creamy,” my cousin said as she dug into the shaft with a cracker. “they should have put some sprouts around the base,” my aunt said. for months, i’ve been telling people the dick dip story, and anyone with a sense of humour thinks it’s hilarious. last weekend, i had some people over to my house, and as a joke, i decided to make my own dick dip. out of respect for my sister-in-law, who lives in a different city, i did not post any photos of the dick dip to social media. some of my friends, however, couldn’t help themselves. kate saw photos of the dick dip on a mutual friend’s instagram story, and now she is upset. i haven’t heard from her, but my brother called me and said i’m disrespecting her and her family. he says i need to apologize. in my opinion, i didn’t do anything wrong and kate should lighten up. it’s a dip in the shape of a penis. relax. aita for making a dick dip? [/INST] nah - tell your brother you don't understand what the problem is, everyone can plainly see it's a lobster </s>
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AITA for cutting my son's allowance after he bought a $500 ring for some girl?
|
he goes to school full-time and i cover his expenses plus some cash so he can focus just on getting good grades. i've never complained even though it has been killing me financially. recently he bought his girlfriend a $500 ring. this pisses me off. i am breaking my neck for him and it's like he's giving away the money i earned. so i told him that he was officially cut off.
| 8,629
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e7nbse/aita_for_cutting_my_sons_allowance_after_he/
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2019-12-08 01:43:36
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info: did you talk with him about how this was stressing you financially when you set up the arrangement? did you set parameters on how he could use the money? if you did, then i can't blame you for being upset, though i'm not sure cutting him completely off is the right move.
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yta.
you gave him some extra money on top of expenses with no restrictions for what it could be used for and he spent it as he wanted to.
you make no mention of any type of discussion on any limitations you expect to be upheld with that money, or any discussion on how this is difficult for your financially and/or that the money should be treated with a certain level of [frugality.](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/e7nbse/aita_for_cutting_my_sons_allowance_after_he/fa3moet/?st=k3wsv32w&sh=70eae8af)
and then you decide he's crossed this line that he never knew existed and could see and now he's cut off.
**if you want him to know where the line is, give a basic level of communication. don't punish him for not being psychic**
|
info - so is it for "some girl" or is it for his girlfriend?
does he know you are struggling financially?
you say you've never complained, so he might not realize how tight funds are for you. if he'd known he might have altered his spending so you didn't have to allot him so much.
if he has been getting a set amount that he thought was fine, & he has been saving from that money to buy his girlfriend something special, then i don't see what is wrong with that.
if you blindside him when he didn't know there was an issue, & suddenly cut him off without having talked about these things, then you would be ta.
|
its frustrating reading about parents who just cut their kids off as an arbitrary punishment instead of having honest conversations about finances with them. you could have had a real honest conversation with him about your struggles. compromised. explained why you don’t appreciate his actions, but no, you just snap and end it all. it sounds like you were waiting for an excuse to cut him off instead of talking to him like an adult. yta.
|
yta
unless you defined conditions on how he would be allowed to spend the money before.
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yta. you offered to cover his expenses. you didn’t tell him you’re struggling financially. if money comes with strings attached the least you can do is tell them that ahead of time so they can decide whether or not they want to accept the money.
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yta, its his money, he decides how he wants to use it
|
yta.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
if you don't tell him how you're struggling, and if he doesn't have access to your bank info, then how would he know how tight things are?
also:
just a run of the mill 500 dollar ring?
is this like a proposal ring for his gf or what? how old is he?
cause when i hear "he bought her a ring" i think "he wants to marry her"
|
yta, this is a rant post with no information whatsoever besides your way of seeing it. even in that perspective, you're still ta.
|
info
i would have lowered the amount to just cover his utilities and rent. if he wants to splurge extra on fun activities or buying stuff for girls, he can earn that himself. however, you don't know how long he's saved up for that ring. maybe he's been putting money aside for the past year.
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.041243
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: he goes to school full-time and i cover his expenses plus some cash so he can focus just on getting good grades. i've never complained even though it has been killing me financially. recently he bought his girlfriend a $500 ring. this pisses me off. i am breaking my neck for him and it's like he's giving away the money i earned. so i told him that he was officially cut off.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
he goes to school full-time and i cover his expenses plus some cash so he can focus just on getting good grades. i've never complained even though it has been killing me financially. recently he bought his girlfriend a $500 ring. this pisses me off. i am breaking my neck for him and it's like he's giving away the money i earned. so i told him that he was officially cut off. [/INST] info: did you talk with him about how this was stressing you financially when you set up the arrangement? did you set parameters on how he could use the money? if you did, then i can't blame you for being upset, though i'm not sure cutting him completely off is the right move. </s>
|
AITA for calling out step-family’s dirty laundry at Thanksgiving after they criticized me for being unmarried?
|
i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here.
i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”.
i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.”
this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.”
and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still.
i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.
| 24,045
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/za3bte/aita_for_calling_out_stepfamilys_dirty_laundry_at/
|
2022-12-01 23:10:03
|
nta - hands down the best thanksgiving showstopper ever. they fucked around and found out! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
|
nta.
they were being unnecessarily rude. why dish it out if you can’t take it?
“every family needs a spinster aunt”
i’m pretty sure they’re referred to as the cool aunt these days.
|
nta, but now i need to know who’s the alcoholic, the cheater and whose broke.
|
nta. your family simply got back what they dished out.
your mom insisted you join them for thanksgiving. that wasn't your plan or what you wanted, but you were a good soul and agreed.
to make you feel welcome and happy to be with your family on a big holiday, your family started with the inappropriate comments and digs. putting you on the spot with everyone watching.
you asked them to stop and then the mom who insisted on family unity doubled-down on the implied criticism. they played an unwanted family game with you and won unwanted prizes.
on the upside, you may have a permanent pass from upcoming family gatherings. i'd take that as a win.
|
>*well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.*
this is (chef's kiss) - perfect.
here's what they said:
*"are you anxious to have kids? you're almost 30 and time is running out"*
then
*"every family needs an old maiden aunt"*
then
*"some other comments"*
3 balls thrown down the middle while you're at the plate - you had to swing at that point.
nta.
|
nta hahhaahhahhahahahahaha
|
the ones calling her an a hole can i ask why ? because she stood up for herself ? she asked them to leave it alone, they didn't. she has already and always told them how she felt. the main problem with some family is that they don't respect boundaries.
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oh can i relate to this post! i’m going to say nta, because your step-siblings shouldn’t dish out what they’re unwilling to take. they made it clear that they think criticizing other’s lifestyle choices is fair game. all you did was give as good as you got.
|
i’m going with nta, because i think asking anyone about their procreation desires and then suggesting they’re somehow wrong is incredibly rude and offensive. there’s only so long someone can take that without biting back.
|
info: does everyone at the table know who is who out of those things or are some people trying to figure out which one of those applies to their specific partner?
nta and hilarious
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here. i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”. i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.” this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.” and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still. i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here. i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”. i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.” this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.” and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still. i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it. [/INST] nta - hands down the best thanksgiving showstopper ever. they fucked around and found out! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 </s>
|
AITA for calling a woman a "dumb cunt" and telling her to go fuck herself in front of her kids after she told my adopted niece to call me "aunt"?
|
so, my husband said i over reacted and my other "mom friends" are tearing each other apart over this.
so, i have 4 kids. 3 of them though are biologically my nieces and nephews. 6 years ago my brother and his wife were killed by a drunk driver. they had 3 kids, at the time they were 10, 7, and 2 years old. me and my husband decided to take them in and last year we finalized the adoption of all three of them (we held off on this for many reasons).
suffice to say, our family situation is a rough topic.we have worked extremely hard with the two older children and made sure that they knew we were not trying to just replace their parents. but that's not relevant here. this situation involves my youngest niece. because of how young she was when we brought her in, she sees me and my husband as her parents. we have never lied to her and told her we were her biological mom or dad. and she knows this, but she still has only ever called me mom. her and my daughter are also only a year apart in age and see each other as sisters.
so, yesterday the two of them were invited by a neighbor girl to a birthday party. when we were there, i hung out with the other moms as the kids played. this is where karen comes in. this was the first time i had met karen. we had begun talking and she asked me about if niece was adopted (my late sister in law was indian while me and my husband are white, this isnt an uncommon question). i answered truthfully and said she was my adopted niece but i see her no differently than my daughter. karen gave me the normal "wow, your so strong/brave/etc" and we continued on.
as the party wound down, my daughter and niece came over repeating "mom", asking if they could take home some of the extra cake left over. karen immediately said "honney, she's not your mom, she's your aunt". i immediately looked at her and asked what she meant by this and she said that "it's not right for me to confuse her".
me and karen got into a fight and it got ugly fast. i called her a dumb cunt in front of her daughter and told her to go fuck herself before i went out to smoke. by the time i came back in karen had left and the other moms either supported me or told me that i was a huge asshole to pull a scene like that.
when i got home and told my husband he said that i over reacted. he agreed that she was a horrible bitch but that i should not have caused a scene and just ignored her. we also had to sit down and explain to my daughter and niece what happened and why i did what i did.
after everything though, i feel like i did nothing wrong. aita?
| 11,637
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffybgv/aita_for_calling_a_woman_a_dumb_cunt_and_telling/
|
2020-03-09 17:31:55
|
esh. i think you should’ve handled yourself more maturely especially considering you were around that person’s daughter. but i also think that woman has no right to try and correct how you run your household.
we have a similar situation in our family, it’s tough. but being the bigger person is only gonna benefit you and your family.
|
esh - she should have minded her own business but you should have controlled yourself.
|
esh. the fight wasn't necessary at all. could have and should have been handled like adults.
|
absolutely nta!
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[removed]
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^^^^automod ***the following is a copy of the above post. this comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2fr%2famitheasshole)***
so, my husband said i over reacted and my other "mom friends" are tearing each other apart over this.
so, i have 4 kids. 3 of them though are biologically my nieces and nephews. 6 years ago my brother and his wife were killed by a drunk driver. they had 3 kids, at the time they were 10, 7, and 2 years old. me and my husband decided to take them in and last year we finalized the adoption of all three of them (we held off on this for many reasons).
suffice to say, our family situation is a rough topic.we have worked extremely hard with the two older children and made sure that they knew we were not trying to just replace their parents. but that's not relevant here. this situation involves my youngest niece. because of how young she was when we brought her in, she sees me and my husband as her parents. we have never lied to her and told her we were her biological mom or dad. and she knows this, but she still has only ever called me mom. her and my daughter are also only a year apart in age and see each other as sisters.
so, yesterday the two of them were invited by a neighbor girl to a birthday party. when we were there, i hung out with the other moms as the kids played. this is where karen comes in. this was the first time i had met karen. we had begun talking and she asked me about if niece was adopted (my late sister in law was indian while me and my husband are white, this isnt an uncommon question). i answered truthfully and said she was my adopted niece but i see her no differently than my daughter. karen gave me the normal "wow, your so strong/brave/etc" and we continued on.
as the party wound down, my daughter and niece came over repeating "mom", asking if they could take home some of the extra cake left over. karen immediately said "honney, she's not your mom, she's your aunt". i immediately looked at her and asked what she meant by this and she said that "it's not right for me to confuse her".
me and karen got into a fight and it got ugly fast. i called her a dumb cunt in front of her daughter and told her to go fuck herself before i went out to smoke. by the time i came back in karen had left and the other moms either supported me or told me that i was a huge asshole to pull a scene like that.
when i got home and told my husband he said that i over reacted. he agreed that she was a horrible bitch but that i should not have caused a scene and just ignored her. we also had to sit down and explain to my daughter and niece what happened and why i did what i did.
after everything though, i feel like i did nothing wrong. aita?
*i am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
| null | null | null | null |
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.497288
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my husband said i over reacted and my other "mom friends" are tearing each other apart over this. so, i have 4 kids. 3 of them though are biologically my nieces and nephews. 6 years ago my brother and his wife were killed by a drunk driver. they had 3 kids, at the time they were 10, 7, and 2 years old. me and my husband decided to take them in and last year we finalized the adoption of all three of them (we held off on this for many reasons). suffice to say, our family situation is a rough topic.we have worked extremely hard with the two older children and made sure that they knew we were not trying to just replace their parents. but that's not relevant here. this situation involves my youngest niece. because of how young she was when we brought her in, she sees me and my husband as her parents. we have never lied to her and told her we were her biological mom or dad. and she knows this, but she still has only ever called me mom. her and my daughter are also only a year apart in age and see each other as sisters. so, yesterday the two of them were invited by a neighbor girl to a birthday party. when we were there, i hung out with the other moms as the kids played. this is where karen comes in. this was the first time i had met karen. we had begun talking and she asked me about if niece was adopted (my late sister in law was indian while me and my husband are white, this isnt an uncommon question). i answered truthfully and said she was my adopted niece but i see her no differently than my daughter. karen gave me the normal "wow, your so strong/brave/etc" and we continued on. as the party wound down, my daughter and niece came over repeating "mom", asking if they could take home some of the extra cake left over. karen immediately said "honney, she's not your mom, she's your aunt". i immediately looked at her and asked what she meant by this and she said that "it's not right for me to confuse her". me and karen got into a fight and it got ugly fast. i called her a dumb cunt in front of her daughter and told her to go fuck herself before i went out to smoke. by the time i came back in karen had left and the other moms either supported me or told me that i was a huge asshole to pull a scene like that. when i got home and told my husband he said that i over reacted. he agreed that she was a horrible bitch but that i should not have caused a scene and just ignored her. we also had to sit down and explain to my daughter and niece what happened and why i did what i did. after everything though, i feel like i did nothing wrong. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, my husband said i over reacted and my other "mom friends" are tearing each other apart over this. so, i have 4 kids. 3 of them though are biologically my nieces and nephews. 6 years ago my brother and his wife were killed by a drunk driver. they had 3 kids, at the time they were 10, 7, and 2 years old. me and my husband decided to take them in and last year we finalized the adoption of all three of them (we held off on this for many reasons). suffice to say, our family situation is a rough topic.we have worked extremely hard with the two older children and made sure that they knew we were not trying to just replace their parents. but that's not relevant here. this situation involves my youngest niece. because of how young she was when we brought her in, she sees me and my husband as her parents. we have never lied to her and told her we were her biological mom or dad. and she knows this, but she still has only ever called me mom. her and my daughter are also only a year apart in age and see each other as sisters. so, yesterday the two of them were invited by a neighbor girl to a birthday party. when we were there, i hung out with the other moms as the kids played. this is where karen comes in. this was the first time i had met karen. we had begun talking and she asked me about if niece was adopted (my late sister in law was indian while me and my husband are white, this isnt an uncommon question). i answered truthfully and said she was my adopted niece but i see her no differently than my daughter. karen gave me the normal "wow, your so strong/brave/etc" and we continued on. as the party wound down, my daughter and niece came over repeating "mom", asking if they could take home some of the extra cake left over. karen immediately said "honney, she's not your mom, she's your aunt". i immediately looked at her and asked what she meant by this and she said that "it's not right for me to confuse her". me and karen got into a fight and it got ugly fast. i called her a dumb cunt in front of her daughter and told her to go fuck herself before i went out to smoke. by the time i came back in karen had left and the other moms either supported me or told me that i was a huge asshole to pull a scene like that. when i got home and told my husband he said that i over reacted. he agreed that she was a horrible bitch but that i should not have caused a scene and just ignored her. we also had to sit down and explain to my daughter and niece what happened and why i did what i did. after everything though, i feel like i did nothing wrong. aita? [/INST] esh. i think you should’ve handled yourself more maturely especially considering you were around that person’s daughter. but i also think that woman has no right to try and correct how you run your household. we have a similar situation in our family, it’s tough. but being the bigger person is only gonna benefit you and your family. </s>
|
AITA for thinking it's too late to get rid of this nickname?
|
my son's given name is william, but no one calls him that. we all call him willie, like his grandfather. when they're together they go by big willie and little willie. my husband had the same thing with his grandfather. they were big will and lil wil. for eight years my son has gone by willie.
my husband has started trying to get our son to answer to will. this confuses our son. i don't really understand why he's doing this. he'll call for our son with the name will and our son won't respond. yesterday he asked why our son wasn't answering and he said he didn't call him, and they started arguing.
i confronted him, and he said we need to stop calling him willie, because it's a silly puerile name. i don't understand why this is now suddenly an issue after so much time. husband says it's a fine name for a little kid, but as he gets older it will prevent people from taking him seriously. i don't agree, but regardless, shouldn't he have thought of that before? he was the one who wanted to name our son william, and for eight years he went along with the willie nickname. it's too late.
my husband said i'm being immature and unsupportive, but am i? i secretly suspect he fought with his dad and that's what all this is about, but heaven forbid i suggest such a thing. should i just start calling willie will?
| 5,737
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xuhvi5/aita_for_thinking_its_too_late_to_get_rid_of_this/
|
2022-10-03 12:18:08
|
nah but i 100% guarantee kids will be cruel to your son if you keep calling him willie, especially if they find out about the 'big' willie and 'little' willie situation.
edit to say: yes i know not all kids will pick up on the innuendo but why on earth give the bullies a head start?
|
no judgment, but "little willie"? bahahahahaha, in my language, the "little willie" is your dick...
|
i’m finding this hard to believe. an 8 year old named william (you did tell him his full name is william right?) is not going to get confused by hearing someone call him will.
i had a friend whose real name was bruce by birth. until high school he went by the name mac. i still to this day refer to him as mac and he responds to it. my own parents have shortened my name at times and it’s not that hard to realize they are talking to me.
this whole thing seems odd.
|
.... esh.
your son is 8. why don't you ask him how he wants to be called ?
|
he's eight now. i a couple of years, hes not going to want his freinds calling him little willie. so his preferred name will change.
i think you parents are making an issue around something that will resolve itself.
you haven't posed a question about whan might make you an asshole. so:
everyone wbta if they keep on about this name. it will resolve itself.
|
as a male, i would not want to enter school with a name like little willie. that name has been used for certain male parts. the kid would be teased and made fun of by other kids.
|
my name is nicholas. when i was little, everyone called me nicky. as i got older (8 or 9) it went to just nick. now, nearly everyone calls me nick. my wife is french and calls me nikola. my one cousin still calls me nicky. if anyone called me any variation of those, i would understand they’re talking to me. i find it hard to believe that a kid whose been going by willie his whole life, is suddenly having his brain shut down if someone calls him will. and yes he will totally get picked on for willie, especially little willie.
|
nah. i suspect the fact that "willie" is slang for penis in many english-speaking countries may be a deciding factor for your husband - perhaps he wories about teasing?
in any case, start using lil will for your son, big will for your fil and middle will for your husband.
|
“the youth i used to be, soon to see a million… no more big willie, my game has grown.. prefer you call me william.”
it’s not often a classic jay z line works perfectly.
jokes aside.. what does your son want to be called? at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. it’s not your or your husband’s choice at this point. at 8, he’s old enough to decide for himself..
|
info
does your son have any difficulties? seems pretty sus otherwise that your son won't respond to will.
|
NAH
| null | null |
ESH
| null | null | null |
NAH
| null |
INFO
| 0.317411
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son's given name is william, but no one calls him that. we all call him willie, like his grandfather. when they're together they go by big willie and little willie. my husband had the same thing with his grandfather. they were big will and lil wil. for eight years my son has gone by willie. my husband has started trying to get our son to answer to will. this confuses our son. i don't really understand why he's doing this. he'll call for our son with the name will and our son won't respond. yesterday he asked why our son wasn't answering and he said he didn't call him, and they started arguing. i confronted him, and he said we need to stop calling him willie, because it's a silly puerile name. i don't understand why this is now suddenly an issue after so much time. husband says it's a fine name for a little kid, but as he gets older it will prevent people from taking him seriously. i don't agree, but regardless, shouldn't he have thought of that before? he was the one who wanted to name our son william, and for eight years he went along with the willie nickname. it's too late. my husband said i'm being immature and unsupportive, but am i? i secretly suspect he fought with his dad and that's what all this is about, but heaven forbid i suggest such a thing. should i just start calling willie will?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son's given name is william, but no one calls him that. we all call him willie, like his grandfather. when they're together they go by big willie and little willie. my husband had the same thing with his grandfather. they were big will and lil wil. for eight years my son has gone by willie. my husband has started trying to get our son to answer to will. this confuses our son. i don't really understand why he's doing this. he'll call for our son with the name will and our son won't respond. yesterday he asked why our son wasn't answering and he said he didn't call him, and they started arguing. i confronted him, and he said we need to stop calling him willie, because it's a silly puerile name. i don't understand why this is now suddenly an issue after so much time. husband says it's a fine name for a little kid, but as he gets older it will prevent people from taking him seriously. i don't agree, but regardless, shouldn't he have thought of that before? he was the one who wanted to name our son william, and for eight years he went along with the willie nickname. it's too late. my husband said i'm being immature and unsupportive, but am i? i secretly suspect he fought with his dad and that's what all this is about, but heaven forbid i suggest such a thing. should i just start calling willie will? [/INST] nah but i 100% guarantee kids will be cruel to your son if you keep calling him willie, especially if they find out about the 'big' willie and 'little' willie situation. edit to say: yes i know not all kids will pick up on the innuendo but why on earth give the bullies a head start? </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pay for a diamond ring?
|
so my girlfriend and i recently got engaged, and i figured it would be nicer to have her pick out her own ring rather then me guessing what she likes.
now i already know my girlfriend loves shiny things, but now she is absolutely adamant that she wants a real diamond ring. personally i don't like the idea of shelling out so much money for a piece of jewelry with an artificial high price. so instead i offered to buy her one that was lab-grown, as it's way cheaper but also doesn't involve shady business practices and labor.
money isn't an issue, it's really about the ethics for me. i do not like the idea of buying her something that potentially harmed someone in the making of it for our wedding. but she thinks i'm being stingy for not buying her a "real" diamond. we've already gotten in a few arguments over this so now i wanted to ask you guys if i should just suck it up or not.
| 16,589
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bcpbxl/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_a_diamond_ring/
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2019-04-13 10:52:27
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nah.
what if you get her an antique diamond ring? she would get her diamond ring and you wouldn't be giving money to an unethical industry. an antique could be more special and rare anyway.
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i’m going against the grain here and say yta. i absolutely understand your point, but then you should have bought a ring and given it to her. you wanted her to be involved in the process but now won’t listen to what she wants.
so again, i don’t disagree with your preference or taste, but if you felt strongly about getting her lab grown, you should have done that and given it to her up front. once you opened it up for her opinion you need to be considerate for what she wants.
good luck, op.
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yta because you opened it up to her preference and are now shooting down her preference for your own. if you wanted to have some big opinion on it you shouldve proposed with the ring already. giving her say and then totally ignoring her opinion is kind of a dick move and it's definitely making you look cheap in her eyes, regardless of what you say the actual reason is.
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a lab grown diamond is a real diamond. nta
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cmon dude.
you told her she could pick the ring, then complain about her choice.
yta here.
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nah , but check out https://www.brilliantearth.com . they use conflict free and ethically sourced diamonds.
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nah, but you shouldn’t have let her pick it out if you didn’t mean she could pick anything
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nah. diamond rings are the norm these days with an average cost of $6,000. it's not crazy for her to want a nice ring - that's the societal expectation. your desire not to support the diamond industry is also reasonable. this really should have been a discussion earlier in the relationship... i'd set a budget and look for ethical jewelry shops. she doesn't want a fake ring. the clear middle ground is a vintage or antique ring - very beautiful and classy styles without any of the ethical concerns.
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yta most proposals come with a ring. yours didn’t, because you wanted her to pick out her own. now you’re shutting dow the rings she likes. this could have been avoided had you proposed with a ring you deemed acceptable.
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yta sorry. you told her to choose the most important piece of jewelry in *her* life, and the shot down all of her choices for personal reasons. after telling her to pick out the ring. especially when she changed the wedding to be small for you when you stated money is no issue. in the end it appears she has no say in her wedding or ring. not a great start.
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
|
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.519938
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my girlfriend and i recently got engaged, and i figured it would be nicer to have her pick out her own ring rather then me guessing what she likes. now i already know my girlfriend loves shiny things, but now she is absolutely adamant that she wants a real diamond ring. personally i don't like the idea of shelling out so much money for a piece of jewelry with an artificial high price. so instead i offered to buy her one that was lab-grown, as it's way cheaper but also doesn't involve shady business practices and labor. money isn't an issue, it's really about the ethics for me. i do not like the idea of buying her something that potentially harmed someone in the making of it for our wedding. but she thinks i'm being stingy for not buying her a "real" diamond. we've already gotten in a few arguments over this so now i wanted to ask you guys if i should just suck it up or not.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my girlfriend and i recently got engaged, and i figured it would be nicer to have her pick out her own ring rather then me guessing what she likes. now i already know my girlfriend loves shiny things, but now she is absolutely adamant that she wants a real diamond ring. personally i don't like the idea of shelling out so much money for a piece of jewelry with an artificial high price. so instead i offered to buy her one that was lab-grown, as it's way cheaper but also doesn't involve shady business practices and labor. money isn't an issue, it's really about the ethics for me. i do not like the idea of buying her something that potentially harmed someone in the making of it for our wedding. but she thinks i'm being stingy for not buying her a "real" diamond. we've already gotten in a few arguments over this so now i wanted to ask you guys if i should just suck it up or not. [/INST] nah. what if you get her an antique diamond ring? she would get her diamond ring and you wouldn't be giving money to an unethical industry. an antique could be more special and rare anyway. </s>
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AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?
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i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell.
yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish.
anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow.
flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it.
wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out.
given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita?
| 27,055
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1d4gn/aita_for_refusing_to_return_a_tip_and_telling_a/
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2020-09-28 14:35:29
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nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. really she’s pissed at her husband not you.
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nta nta nta! glad your manager backed you up.
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[deleted]
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you. did. perfect! fuck that lady. you're not responsible for her insane control issues or their terrible marriage. the mom is the asshole for sure. who comes back in demanding a refund on a tip they didn't give, the audacity. i'm glad your manager was cool about it too. spend that 40 frivolously on yourself, you absolutely deserve it.
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absolutely nta. he gave you that tip, not her. he was probably glad you stood up to her because he can't. she seemed controlling and confrontational off the bat.
my mum is like this, if anything doesn't go the way she wants it, she loses it with everyone around her. i'm 29, i can't even order a steak in front of her without her telling me it's wrong and changing my order like i'm a child. if i change it back, she throws a tantrum. btw, she does it wrong. she likes shit past well done. gross.
not super relevant but another example of how controlling she is: i went on vacay with them, i didn't have much money, i just needed a break from reality for a while. covered my costs and food etc but didn't really have much for fancy day trips and more expensive meals. we came across a boat trip that was like €30 each, between me and my bf, that was €60 and majority of our spending money for the week. we declined, mother got huffy as fuck, throwing a tantrum about how we don't do anything with her but wouldn't pay for us. so it was a tantrum for tantrums sake. dad took us off to get an ice cream and slipped us the cash, told us to act like we did a recount and could afford it. did the trip, it was crap and definitely not worth it. a few days later my parents are arguing about how my dad is so careless and disgusting. asked what was up and she started screaming how my dad has lost €50 and he's reckless. they kept at it for a while until i shouted at her and told her the truth. she drmanded i paid them back when we got home then refused to speak to any of us for the entire day, just because he gave money to his own daughter without ok'ing it first..
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how could you possibly be an asshole in this situation. did you just need a venue to vent this all happened? who in the history of ever would be guilty that a petulant customer came back to harass you and demand money back that her husband freely gave you? i get you are 22, but if you are a server surely you must realize people are horrible monsters and we all here wouldn't collective label you an asshole even if you punched the woman in the face?
nta
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nta, obviously, why did you even post here?
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so this story is...”this lady was an asshole, but i was just doing my job. i dont think im the asshole, my manager says im not an asshole, random customers chimed in to say im not an asshole, jesus came down and spoke to me and told me im not an asshole, but im not sure! reddit, am i the asshole???”
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nta, you did your job. you didn't make the husband give you the tip and you stated you tried to give it back. she had no right to come back getting mad at you, that was something she should have taken up with her husband
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nta
a lot of times, i used to think that embarrassment was built when i was younger. i had been pumped full of those happy little lies society tells woman, which is that we have to be pleasers.
you shouldn't feel guilty. you were probably horrified and embarrassed and didn't know how to handle it. but everyone else had your side and that's amazing. don't let people make you feel bad about yourself because they can't handle their s***. she sounds like she is probably going to divorce that guy, and he would be lucky to be away from her
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell. yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish. anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it. wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out. given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell. yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish. anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it. wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out. given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita? [/INST] nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. really she’s pissed at her husband not you. </s>
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AITA for cutting my niece’s tuition after she adopted some offensive beliefs?
|
this one needs a little background. i (40sf) have two younger brothers. we were raised in a very conservative christian home (think early evangelical movement). my brother “sam” was pretty obviously gay, but he had a lot of shame and forced himself to marry a woman from church. they had my niece (now 19f). unfortunately, my brother made some bad choices, and he developed a drug habit which caused him to od when my niece was four. our parents are now deceased, and my other brother is career military and gone a lot. i’ve done the best of my siblings, and i have a well paying job and plenty of savings. i have no children.
because of these circumstances, we (my sil, niece, brother, and i) are a very close knit family. i’ve always helped my sil financially here and there, and i’m paying my niece’s tuition at a state university. she’s a good student, and i’m happy to relieve the burden on her mom.
the problem: my niece is getting involved with a pretty conservative christian group on campus. she was not raised religious, and i’m an atheist, but i respect that some people find religion meaningful and enriching. however, i feel like she’s been adopting homophobic and sexist attitudes (e.g. “complementarity” of the sexes), and i think it’s coming from the group. she also opposes marriage equality now, on the grounds of religious freedom. this could just be a teen rebellion thing, but she doesn’t know her dad was gay. i can imagine how much he’d hurt if he were alive.
i’ve tried to argue it out with her, but she always deflects. now, i’m considering pulling her spring tuition in order to make my point. i don’t want her going to university if it’s making her a crueler, more ignorant person. that’s not the purpose of education.
aita?
| 11,305
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/en90gx/aita_for_cutting_my_nieces_tuition_after_she/
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2020-01-11 15:50:33
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info: before cutting her off i suggest telling her that her father was gay and that the shame the church made him feel is likely part of why he turned to drugs and ultimately died. if she wants these beliefs she needs to understand their consequences to others. if it makes no impact then you can choose not to fund her education saying that you can no longer support someone who would've rejected your brother.
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say you're a young person leaning towards the conservative right, no doubt feeling the "liberal elite" is pushing values you don't agree with on you and others.
then say your aunt, who from your perspective is a follower - if not a member - of this "liberal elite" cuts you off, forcing you to drop out of education, possibly stunting your opportunities for the rest of your life.
do you:
a) realise the error of your ways and change your views.
or
b) believe your life has been ruined because you didn't have the right views, entrench yourself further in the groups you've become interested in, and spend literally your whole life being resentful and reactionary?
yta.
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nta but this could backfire pretty easily. she could drop out of school assuming she can’t afford to pay for it herself and might continue in this line of thought. education is what she needs to (hopefully) get out of this. it’s pretty easy to fall into crappy religious groups if life isn’t kind to you. it also sends a wrong message to defund her education because she had an opinion you find offensive. while i agree with you and it must be painful for you to see your brother’s daughter rehash some of the very serious issues her father dealt with (in a different direction), she still has a right to this opinion. love, communication, education and time will get her out of this. if you don’t have the patience to deal with that, that’s understandable, but i would think long and hard before you make this decision.
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esh. i’m on your side ideologically, but honestly attending a state university is probably the best way to make her realize that the beliefs she’s slipping into are regressive and idiotic. encourage her to continue her education and be around people that are different from herself. it should help.
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nta - it’s your money. however: i can’t think of a better way to cement in her mind that liberals are “snowflakes” (or whatever the right-wing insult de jour is) than cutting off her tuition because of a general uneasiness with her conservatism. hopefully it’s just a phase and you can provide a counter-example of how to live your life.
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yta.
you're effectively making membership in your family contingent on religious and political views. imagine if the tables were turned and your very conservative family threatened to disown you because of your politics: you wouldn't want that done to you, no?
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yta, although i agree with your beliefs. your niece is young and trying to figure out who she is. education helps with that. i know that at 36 i am not the same person i was at 19/20. do you want to risk isolating her and pushing her further into that ideology at a peak time of development?
just to be clear, i think you're a terrific person who has done more than could be expected of a sister. i just worry for your niece and your relationship if you go this route.
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yta - because i believe that you and all the people saying you are not, would have a different answer if it was a religious aunt taking away the tuition for a niece was that was falling away from her religion and spouting atheist beliefs against her families beliefs
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nta
but keep in mind that cutting her tuition may likely not stop her beliefs.
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yta - when someone is forced to change their beliefs as a result of an ultimatum, they will not. all that will result is your permanent estrangement.
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.491182
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this one needs a little background. i (40sf) have two younger brothers. we were raised in a very conservative christian home (think early evangelical movement). my brother “sam” was pretty obviously gay, but he had a lot of shame and forced himself to marry a woman from church. they had my niece (now 19f). unfortunately, my brother made some bad choices, and he developed a drug habit which caused him to od when my niece was four. our parents are now deceased, and my other brother is career military and gone a lot. i’ve done the best of my siblings, and i have a well paying job and plenty of savings. i have no children. because of these circumstances, we (my sil, niece, brother, and i) are a very close knit family. i’ve always helped my sil financially here and there, and i’m paying my niece’s tuition at a state university. she’s a good student, and i’m happy to relieve the burden on her mom. the problem: my niece is getting involved with a pretty conservative christian group on campus. she was not raised religious, and i’m an atheist, but i respect that some people find religion meaningful and enriching. however, i feel like she’s been adopting homophobic and sexist attitudes (e.g. “complementarity” of the sexes), and i think it’s coming from the group. she also opposes marriage equality now, on the grounds of religious freedom. this could just be a teen rebellion thing, but she doesn’t know her dad was gay. i can imagine how much he’d hurt if he were alive. i’ve tried to argue it out with her, but she always deflects. now, i’m considering pulling her spring tuition in order to make my point. i don’t want her going to university if it’s making her a crueler, more ignorant person. that’s not the purpose of education. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this one needs a little background. i (40sf) have two younger brothers. we were raised in a very conservative christian home (think early evangelical movement). my brother “sam” was pretty obviously gay, but he had a lot of shame and forced himself to marry a woman from church. they had my niece (now 19f). unfortunately, my brother made some bad choices, and he developed a drug habit which caused him to od when my niece was four. our parents are now deceased, and my other brother is career military and gone a lot. i’ve done the best of my siblings, and i have a well paying job and plenty of savings. i have no children. because of these circumstances, we (my sil, niece, brother, and i) are a very close knit family. i’ve always helped my sil financially here and there, and i’m paying my niece’s tuition at a state university. she’s a good student, and i’m happy to relieve the burden on her mom. the problem: my niece is getting involved with a pretty conservative christian group on campus. she was not raised religious, and i’m an atheist, but i respect that some people find religion meaningful and enriching. however, i feel like she’s been adopting homophobic and sexist attitudes (e.g. “complementarity” of the sexes), and i think it’s coming from the group. she also opposes marriage equality now, on the grounds of religious freedom. this could just be a teen rebellion thing, but she doesn’t know her dad was gay. i can imagine how much he’d hurt if he were alive. i’ve tried to argue it out with her, but she always deflects. now, i’m considering pulling her spring tuition in order to make my point. i don’t want her going to university if it’s making her a crueler, more ignorant person. that’s not the purpose of education. aita? [/INST] info: before cutting her off i suggest telling her that her father was gay and that the shame the church made him feel is likely part of why he turned to drugs and ultimately died. if she wants these beliefs she needs to understand their consequences to others. if it makes no impact then you can choose not to fund her education saying that you can no longer support someone who would've rejected your brother. </s>
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AITA for refusing to punish my daughter for being rude to her grandmother, and clapping back at MIL?
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no one in the family likes mil's husband for a couple of reasons. he works in an immoral industry and admits he will do anything for money. he is very pompous/competitive and likes to take digs about everyone's financial situations. he was a lazy parent to his own children and a cold and jealous stepfather to his stepchildren. really mil is the only person who likes him. she gets an entirely different side of him, but at the same time i feel she can't just ignore who he is.
my 13 year old daughter is a very smart and intelligent girl, and has decided to be no contact with him. we fully support her and she no longer attends family events. recently we went out in a group for someone's birthday (just the women, so he was not there or she would not have gone) we saw the musical hadestown.
after the musical we grabbed dinner and my daughter was talking about how the kids in her theater group are obsessed with it, and she feels they romanticize a toxic relationship in two of the main characters (hades and persephone) and hades should be viewed strictly as a villain.
mil said "it's honestly the best feeling though when someone hates everyone but you. it's so cute." my daughter replied "well that isn't surprising as we've all seen the asshole you married." mil laughed and said "if you were my kid you'd be in so much trouble right now" and looked at me like she expected me to say something.
i replied that i don't believe in punishing for every little thing and my daughter was expressing her opinion. i said that mil said something which offended my daughter, so my daughter responded, and there would be no punishment. i also said that i try not to come from a place of authoritarian parenting. mil said i clearly got whatever i wanted and that is why my daughter is so annoying to be around. i replied that mil was reactive and controlling with her own kids and now they all hate her.
mil was furious and now the family is pretty divided. my husband is actually on his mom's side which surprised me because he usually isn't.
| 5,624
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wqtccn/aita_for_refusing_to_punish_my_daughter_for_being/
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2022-08-17 16:26:29
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esh.
mil gave an opinion your daughter did not like. she did not attack your daughter. rather than replying with evidence justifying her opinion, your daughter chose to use a personal attack. your daughter was unnecessarily unkind to mil.
mil's response to your lack of action was inappropriate on her part. but your response was just as bad, if not worse. personal attacks are not okay.
everyone here acted inappropriately.
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mil said something your daughter disagreed with. your daughter responded by calling her husband an asshole. and then it spiraled into the realm of ridiculous from there.
this is the stuff divorces are made of. i feel sorry for your husband.
esh.
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yta. big difference between supporting her expressing her opinions and letting her run around calling other people's spouses assholes and judging their relationships as a 13 year old. that is rude and uncalled for and she should be told as much otherwise she is in for a very rude awakening in life.
not surprising from an adult describing that as clapping back.
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yta. that was extremely rude and unprovoked. grandma didn't even insult or say anything bad to your daughter. she was talking about a common romance trope and your daughter made it about her grandma's relationship. it's okay for her to want no contact with her grandfather but blatantly insulting her grandmother for being married to him is not okay.
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esh.
first your mil didn't start anything your daughter did and you continued to egg it on with your response. they were discussing a play. your daughter attacked your fil.
you suck for your response and grandma sucks for saying what she said in response.
it's okay not to like people. it's okay not to want to be around certain people. it's not okay to attack them.
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it's interesting that you accuse mil's spouse of being a bad parent, yet you don't really have the high ground here. you come off as very holier than thou and frankly, you're willfully raising a brat. you can disagree with people all day long, but there's a difference between disagreeing and being a disrespectful jackass.
i'd also like to know what this "immoral industry" is.
yta
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yta your daughter is 13. teach her some manners. your mil didn’t even say anything negative or offensive to your daughter. your daughter was 100% in the wrong for bringing up her husband.
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yta
for someone who has very strong feelings about other people you seem to not be self aware enough to see that you're raising your daughter to be rude and toxic also.
your mil's comment was not rude or aggressive yet your daughters most definitely was.
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>mil said "it's honestly the best feeling though when someone hates everyone but you. it's so cute."
wow. this woman basically admits that her husband hates everyone but her and she thinks that's cute? you sure you want your daughter around someone like that? that's a very odd thing to be proud about.
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i think esh.
1.) mil is delusional... no questions asked.
same with her husband.
2.) i think you and your daughter are kinda in the wrong, though you nor your daughter need to/ deserve to be. i think you should tell your daughter to just learn how to keep these things to herself. "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it."
instead of punish daughter, just let her be aware that she needs a filter, *sometimes*.
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.012269
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: no one in the family likes mil's husband for a couple of reasons. he works in an immoral industry and admits he will do anything for money. he is very pompous/competitive and likes to take digs about everyone's financial situations. he was a lazy parent to his own children and a cold and jealous stepfather to his stepchildren. really mil is the only person who likes him. she gets an entirely different side of him, but at the same time i feel she can't just ignore who he is. my 13 year old daughter is a very smart and intelligent girl, and has decided to be no contact with him. we fully support her and she no longer attends family events. recently we went out in a group for someone's birthday (just the women, so he was not there or she would not have gone) we saw the musical hadestown. after the musical we grabbed dinner and my daughter was talking about how the kids in her theater group are obsessed with it, and she feels they romanticize a toxic relationship in two of the main characters (hades and persephone) and hades should be viewed strictly as a villain. mil said "it's honestly the best feeling though when someone hates everyone but you. it's so cute." my daughter replied "well that isn't surprising as we've all seen the asshole you married." mil laughed and said "if you were my kid you'd be in so much trouble right now" and looked at me like she expected me to say something. i replied that i don't believe in punishing for every little thing and my daughter was expressing her opinion. i said that mil said something which offended my daughter, so my daughter responded, and there would be no punishment. i also said that i try not to come from a place of authoritarian parenting. mil said i clearly got whatever i wanted and that is why my daughter is so annoying to be around. i replied that mil was reactive and controlling with her own kids and now they all hate her. mil was furious and now the family is pretty divided. my husband is actually on his mom's side which surprised me because he usually isn't.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
no one in the family likes mil's husband for a couple of reasons. he works in an immoral industry and admits he will do anything for money. he is very pompous/competitive and likes to take digs about everyone's financial situations. he was a lazy parent to his own children and a cold and jealous stepfather to his stepchildren. really mil is the only person who likes him. she gets an entirely different side of him, but at the same time i feel she can't just ignore who he is. my 13 year old daughter is a very smart and intelligent girl, and has decided to be no contact with him. we fully support her and she no longer attends family events. recently we went out in a group for someone's birthday (just the women, so he was not there or she would not have gone) we saw the musical hadestown. after the musical we grabbed dinner and my daughter was talking about how the kids in her theater group are obsessed with it, and she feels they romanticize a toxic relationship in two of the main characters (hades and persephone) and hades should be viewed strictly as a villain. mil said "it's honestly the best feeling though when someone hates everyone but you. it's so cute." my daughter replied "well that isn't surprising as we've all seen the asshole you married." mil laughed and said "if you were my kid you'd be in so much trouble right now" and looked at me like she expected me to say something. i replied that i don't believe in punishing for every little thing and my daughter was expressing her opinion. i said that mil said something which offended my daughter, so my daughter responded, and there would be no punishment. i also said that i try not to come from a place of authoritarian parenting. mil said i clearly got whatever i wanted and that is why my daughter is so annoying to be around. i replied that mil was reactive and controlling with her own kids and now they all hate her. mil was furious and now the family is pretty divided. my husband is actually on his mom's side which surprised me because he usually isn't. [/INST] esh. mil gave an opinion your daughter did not like. she did not attack your daughter. rather than replying with evidence justifying her opinion, your daughter chose to use a personal attack. your daughter was unnecessarily unkind to mil. mil's response to your lack of action was inappropriate on her part. but your response was just as bad, if not worse. personal attacks are not okay. everyone here acted inappropriately. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that her phobia is ridiculous and she needs treatment?
|
my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in.
it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this.
she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help.
just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.
| 23,480
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ea4hnu/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_phobia_is/
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2019-12-13 14:13:58
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nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here.
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nta but i would replace the word "ridiculous" with "severe"
this is something she needs something for immediately. for her to stay in bed all day because of the reasons you stated is some serious phobia. it might be linked to a childhood trauma involving the cold (my guess) or it could be something physical.
so insist on therapy but don't call her phobia ridiculous. call it severe, or debilitating. she needs serious help.
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nah, but calling her phobia "ridiculous" was insensitive, especially considering that's virtually the definition of a phobia (as opposed to a rational fear). it's more than "super annoying," it's significantly disabling. approach this like an illness, and not an annoying habit.
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info - how did she call in sick to work if she couldn't touch her phone to call for help?
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nta for telling her to get a treatment, yta for telling her that it is ridiculous. if a phobia influences your life so badly, then she really should seek help.
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info: is it a phobia, or is it that cold= painful? i hate touching cold things too, but because it is painful. i have hashimoto's disease which makes me intolerant to cold. if there is some pain, she should have her thyroid levels checked.
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how did she call out of work?
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yta for making a fake post
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nta, you did take her seriously, that's why you said she needs help.
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nah
your girlfriend's phobia seems to be debilitating and i can see where you are coming from...thought i also understand how the way you worded it could have come across as unsympathetic and dismissive.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
|
INFO
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
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NAH
| 0.198488
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold. [/INST] nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here. </s>
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AITA for not wanting coal for Christmas?
|
this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead.
i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well).
i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got.
at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them.
i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well.
i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
| 30,833
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzc58y/aita_for_not_wanting_coal_for_christmas/
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2022-12-30 21:31:43
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nta.
you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent.
just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation.
especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation.
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nta
"it's a long standing tradition to haze and humiliate new potential family members". is this a family or a frat?
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nta on the sheer idea that you skipped time with your family to be humiliated 18 times in a row. families that do this sort of shit are toxic. this is literal hazing but “ok because it’s family”.
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nta. one box with coal in it would have been a fun gag. not eighteen and nothing else whatsoever, though. then it's just cruel.
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nta - i’m so tired of seeing posts like this, where people willingly choose not to inform their partners, who they *love*, about family traditions like this. it breaks my heart.
they don’t get to be mean to you and then judge you for your reaction. you left your family, where you’d surely be treated with love and respect, to be with his family where they gave you the complete opposite.
i’m not one to tell people to breakup, but this is a giant marinara flag. idk how i could stay with someone who was willing to watch me cry and then excuse hurtful behavior in the name of family tradition. double since you’re engaged. this warrants a giant pause.
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nta. and, you seem to have had the grace not to try out your new set of charcoal by drawing dan's parents a beautiful mural on their living room wall. that must have taken remarkable restraint.
laughing at another person's expense isn't funny, and i don't believe any newcomer found this experience fun, although some may have been too shy to say anything. sometimes being embarrassed and feeling awkward are good things--it's nature's way of telling you that you did something wrong. tell dan that he and his family should embrace and learn from those feelings.
you took the time to buy thoughtful gifts for his family. we've all had to buy gifts for relative strangers from time to time. dan's family has shown themselves to be oafs. whether they are redeemable oafs remains to be seen.
info: did dan give you a gift (i realize this is immaterial, but i did wonder).
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#what the frick is wrong with all these families and their wildly inappropriate traditions for new family members?
yikes op
nta
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nta. he should have told you before.
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nta. their tradition is a hateful one, like a stupid test to see whether you're worthy of joining their family. you didn't embarrass them, they embarrassed themselves with their childish 'lump of coal har har har' garbage & they're just pissed off at you for not tolerating their rudeness. extra asshole points to your fiancé for not having the common courtesy to explain their stupid tradition before you went there, choosing instead to let you be upset & embarrassed over & over & over until you were literally in tears. good luck in your life together with *that* piece of work.
|
nta
why didn’t your fiancé warn you? does he get a weird sense of pleasure of pulling tasteless pranks on you in your relationship? your fiancé’s family has a twisted sense of humor. what on earth makes them think embarrassing a prospective family member/stranger is endearing? 18 freaking pieces of coal? that had better come with a fancy green egg grill and an omaha steaks subscription.
you didn’t embarrass your fiancé, he and his family embarrassed him. you have every right to be considered and respected, they did none of that. you were right to be offended. i hope you got to salvage your holiday and visited your family.
take all of this into sobering consideration, as their antics (what they call “traditions”) will be seen again in the future with other fiancés, and possibly children. it’s bad enough that you were on the receiving end of this asshattery, but do you really want to be a part of doling out this bs this by marriage?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita? [/INST] nta. you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent. just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation. especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation. </s>
|
WIBTA for exposing my late wife to my sons?
|
please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16.
my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her.
here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history.
messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever.
my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth.
wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me.
| 14,436
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dflphm/wibta_for_exposing_my_late_wife_to_my_sons/
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2019-10-09 19:05:09
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yta. they just lost their mother. i'm sorry she wasn't who you thought she was, but she was still their mom. they don't need to ever know.
please go to counseling, for yourself and as a family. this must be a giant shock for your system.
|
yta (ywbta)
don't do this. your kids are 14 & 16, they are *not* old enough to hear this.
i'm sorry for your families loss, and sorry about her betrayal, but destroying the image your children have of her isn't going to change anything.
please find a counselor to talk to.
|
yta. this is way above our pay-grade here. i really think you need to take this to your therapist to talk through your feelings and help you process all of this. honestly i would probably wait until they were older. let them mourn the mother they knew and loved. despite her horrible philandering it does seem like she was a loving, caring mother to them. i feel like dropping this information on them, a month after her unexpected passing, will just crush them more and possibly cause some resentment towards you as the bearer of this insane news. your wife is gone. you can't get revenge on her by exposing her sins to your kids.
|
yta.
don't fucking do that to them, it'll crush them even worse. let them remember her as a saint.
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ywbta. i understand that this is quite painful and shocking. what would your reason be? for your children to share in your misery? parents protect their children from that, if at all possible. was she a good mother? if the answer is yes, then ywbta if you ever told them, unless, as well adjusted adults, a situation arose that this experience that’s yours would help them to learn and grow. first, you have to grieve, and forgive.
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you need to see a professional for this. we’re just a bunch of basement dwellers and this type of thing is something you should speak to a therapist about or something
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nah. you're feeling understandably hurt, betrayed and pissed, on top of having to grieve. your reactions are understandable. but in terms of whether to tell your sons or not, think of it this way: if you had the opportunity to completely forget what you learned and be sure you'd never find out again, would you take it? you have the chance to offer that to your sons. it sucks, it really sucks, but this is one of those times where you're going to have to keep it to yourself. except for a counselor, 100% echoing the advice of others there.
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what good could possibly come of stomping on the grave of your kids’ dead mother? nothing she did affected them, just you. why piss on the memory of their mother? let them remember her as they knew her, don’t drag them down even further. it serves no purpose.
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nta. nobody is asshole for telling the truth, and it kind of disturbs me that so many people would rather live in ignorance than try and learn from reality.
but they are right about holding off until your kids are old enough to process that information. and also that will give you more time to process your own thoughts about what happened.
|
you must be in a lot of pain and not thinking clearly to think this is even an option. please talk to a therapist to help you get to a better place, and do not — please do not — say a word to the children. hurting them solves nothing and will cause huge problems for them.
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.200446
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16. my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her. here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history. messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever. my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth. wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
please bear with me while i try to gather my thoughts and explain just what’s going on. i (m40)was married to my wife (f38) for 18 years. we had what i thought was a perfect relationship, we barely fought, got along great, and she was my best friend. we had two sons together, j who is 14 and m who is 16. my wife passed extremely unexpectedly a month ago and it absolutely shattered our world. i feel so alone and have even started going to counseling to help with getting over her. here is the hard part. two nights ago i decided to go through my wife’s cell phone to read our text messages and look at some photos she had taken i never got sent. that’s when i found the messages after i decided to look through her browser history. messages to men in their 60’s sending dirty photos she had sent me. nights she told me she was visiting her sister, she was actually out with these men doing god knows what for money. i don’t want to get into to much detail with how filthy some of they were, but i cannot believe she could have done this to me. i suspected nothing. ever. my sons are obviously still crushed and always talking up their mother and how sweet, amazing she is. how much they miss her love and honesty. i cannot see her as the woman i thought i knew and i am torn on what to do. on one hand, i don’t want to make this passing harder for them and hinder their thoughts about their mother but on another hand i feel they are old enough to know the truth. wibta if i exposed my late wife to my sons and told them what she was really doing to our family? please help me. [/INST] yta. they just lost their mother. i'm sorry she wasn't who you thought she was, but she was still their mom. they don't need to ever know. please go to counseling, for yourself and as a family. this must be a giant shock for your system. </s>
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AITA for what I said to my cousin after I "upstaged her" at her wedding
|
my(22f) cousin(23f) got married weeks ago.
between the two of us she was always the prettier one. i don't care really. i never cared about how i look. the only time that i actually make some effort to look good is for special occasions like weddings so for my cousins wedding i put on some make up and got a cute dress.
when the wedding started and we saw her.... well, i think it was the excessive use of make up but she didn't look pretty at all.
since she got back from her honeymoon she hasn't been talking to me at all which was weird because we were always close. i finally got tired so last night when we met at our grandparents home i asked her what's wrong with her and she snapped at me and said i upstaged her in her wedding. i got angry and asked her what she wanted me to do and she said i did it on purpose because i never care about my looks but i had to make myself look pretty in her wedding. this is where i might be the asshole because i was so angry so i told her what do you want me to do you looked like a f-ing clown, i would look better than you even if i came to your wedding wearing my pajamas. she called me an asshole and left
| 1,987
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y4uk0v/aita_for_what_i_said_to_my_cousin_after_i/
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2022-10-15 18:07:41
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esh.
seems a bit harsh and an unnecessary comment to make.
but she's a huge ah. she can't dictate your looks, or hers for that matter.
this is like a fat bride being pissed off that she was upstaged by all of the skinny people in attendance.
wtf
|
unless you were wearing a white gown, nta.
she's just jealous of your glow up.
your comment was a bit harsh though, not really necessary imo. don't lower your standards of behavior because of imbeciles.
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nta.
she wanted you to show up at an event, that everyone dresses up for, without any makeup on? so that she could look prettier than you? gtfoh
she should be angry at herself for doing a terrible job in her own makeup.
loved your clown comment. 🤣
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esh your comments were over the line, but honestly funny as hell.
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nta- as long as you didn't wear white, red, or show up naked, there was no reason for your cousin to get upset that you got dressed up to go to a wedding...if she wanted people to dress like slobs she should have stated a dress code, most people put in effort to look presentable to go to a wedding because usually it is a classy event, sounds like she has some jealousy issues.
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nta, i believe she has some sort of superiority complex when it comes to looks as you both are age fellows since always she considered herself the prettier one. people must have compared you two during/after the wedding and she just couldn't stand it (which i get it was her wedding day) but she still shouldn't have ignored you as it's not your fault.
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esh. she shouldn’t be getting upset about you wearing makeup. you shouldn’t respond in that manner.
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nta. she wanted you to be the “ugly, frumpy and dowdy cousin” to look good by comparison. and she probably wanted to badmouth you afterwards to the family by saying you did not go to any effort for her wedding.
i bet that the fact that you actually dressed up and took care of your appearance had the rest of the family commenting along the lines of “op cleans up nice” or “she looks great” and your cousin is butthurt that she did not get to make you look bad.
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weddings suck
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you two aren't 22 and 23. you're 12 and 13.
esh
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.331269
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(22f) cousin(23f) got married weeks ago. between the two of us she was always the prettier one. i don't care really. i never cared about how i look. the only time that i actually make some effort to look good is for special occasions like weddings so for my cousins wedding i put on some make up and got a cute dress. when the wedding started and we saw her.... well, i think it was the excessive use of make up but she didn't look pretty at all. since she got back from her honeymoon she hasn't been talking to me at all which was weird because we were always close. i finally got tired so last night when we met at our grandparents home i asked her what's wrong with her and she snapped at me and said i upstaged her in her wedding. i got angry and asked her what she wanted me to do and she said i did it on purpose because i never care about my looks but i had to make myself look pretty in her wedding. this is where i might be the asshole because i was so angry so i told her what do you want me to do you looked like a f-ing clown, i would look better than you even if i came to your wedding wearing my pajamas. she called me an asshole and left
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(22f) cousin(23f) got married weeks ago. between the two of us she was always the prettier one. i don't care really. i never cared about how i look. the only time that i actually make some effort to look good is for special occasions like weddings so for my cousins wedding i put on some make up and got a cute dress. when the wedding started and we saw her.... well, i think it was the excessive use of make up but she didn't look pretty at all. since she got back from her honeymoon she hasn't been talking to me at all which was weird because we were always close. i finally got tired so last night when we met at our grandparents home i asked her what's wrong with her and she snapped at me and said i upstaged her in her wedding. i got angry and asked her what she wanted me to do and she said i did it on purpose because i never care about my looks but i had to make myself look pretty in her wedding. this is where i might be the asshole because i was so angry so i told her what do you want me to do you looked like a f-ing clown, i would look better than you even if i came to your wedding wearing my pajamas. she called me an asshole and left [/INST] esh. seems a bit harsh and an unnecessary comment to make. but she's a huge ah. she can't dictate your looks, or hers for that matter. this is like a fat bride being pissed off that she was upstaged by all of the skinny people in attendance. wtf </s>
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AITA for mocking my friend about her failed effort to set me up with someone?
|
okay. i (27m) am single and bi. my friend is a person who loves to set people up and she is generally very good at it. she introduced me to a friend of hers. this girl was funny, smart and hot. we hit it off and we were talking to each other a lot, sharing memes and flirting. things started going down hill when she send me a video of about athlete and i joked that i had a crush on him in the past.
she took some time to reply to that and then asked me some uncomfortable questions about my sexuality. she asked me if had been with a man, she asked me about my sexual experiences with men and some more questions along that line. i answered them mostly because some people are curious and open about sex and that is fine but after that our communication slowed to a crawl and i got the message that she was not interested and stopped talking to her. i told my friend about this and she just shrugged and said that sucks.
a few of my friend circle met up for a brunch last sunday and we were talking and having fun and in the midst of a conversation she was playfully boasting about her ability to set people up. i said "yeah sure, so skilled that you set me up with a homophobic woman. " i was teasing her but i think she took it personally and she stopped laughing. she defended her friend by saying that she was not open minded enough right now and then became very quiet. which is totally not her. it kinda killed the vibe.
my friends think she feel guilty about this and i shouldn't have brought it up. i do feel a bit guilty as i am sure she would never have done this if she had know that her friend would not be cool with bi guys. i am not really cut up about the relation not working out and i am kind of used to it so i feel guilty about ruining her day over something that didn't really matter to me.
| 2,756
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3q9ai/aita_for_mocking_my_friend_about_her_failed/
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2021-05-03 07:19:20
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nah.
you didn’t know she’d take the joke so roughly. she obviously didn’t set you up with a terrible match on purpose and is not an ass for being hurt by your comment that implied it was her fault.
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dude, should have mentioned you were a guy. i almost doubletaked when i read homophobic woman. like how could she be homophobic if went out with another girl? shit i almost thought she was *hetero*\-phobic lmao.
anyways, nta.
>she defended her friend by saying that she was not open minded enough right now and then became very quiet
sorry hun, homophobia is a choice.
her friend's homophobic. if she can't recognize that idk. and anyways, what if you *hadn't* told your date you had a crush on an athlete, and had gone out with her like usual, and had a connection, and in a few months or weeks, when she figured out you were bi, broke up with you leaving an emotional mess behind, all cause she is "not open minded enough right now" a.k.a seriously homophobic?
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nah i guess you probably wouldn’t have known she’d be sensitive about it, but i guess she feels guilty as she thinks it upset you, and maybe lowered her opinion of someone she considered a friend. maybe have a chat with her and let her know you weren’t that bothered by it and that you won’t joke about it again if it bothers her? (but not in a snarky “i guess i can’t joke about anything anymore way”, not that i need to warn you, specifically, just it could come out that way) 🤷🏻♀️
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mmm... nah
you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but she obviously feels bad. if you care about that, just briefly apologize, tell her you didn’t mean to make her feel bad, and no one gets it right every time. hell, even babe ruth had more strike outs than home runs. if you really mean it, let her know that it wasn’t a big deal to you that you happened to be one of her strikeouts, but you’re sure she’s hit it out of the park before.
tbh though, i’m kinda picking up vibes that you might not be that okay with the set up? either because this girl thinks she’s good at it when she isn’t, or because having someone lose interest in you over your bi-ness is a shitty feeling, no matter how used to it you are.
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i mean, *you* killed the vibe. you have the right to be upset at how that girl treated you, and you have the right to tell your friend that you don't want to be set up with anyone homophobic. but that is a serious conversation. it's not funny. of course she took it personally! you made it personal. you made this passive aggressive "joke" instead of talking to her privately about how you feel about this situation.
if i was her, i would have taken this as a public scolding. because that's what you did. i don't think you're ta though. i guess nah?
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info: ok, i might be crucified here, but how is this woman homophobic? does the fact that she is doesn't want to have a relationship with someone that is bisexual means that they "don't agree" that bisexual people should exist?
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just because a person doesn't want to date a bi dude doesn't mean she is homophobic
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yta. you called her friend homophobic just because she wasnt interested in dating someone that wasnt of the same sexuality. come on. thats bs.
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nah. i know lots of people can’t see a reason why the woman would act like that besides being homophobic, but i can offer at least one explanation. for my entire 20s i was in a relationship with someone who repeatedly lied and cheated on me and constantly used their sexuality struggle to excuse it. i never found him being with men to be gross or wrong, but the lying to me and cheating on me to be gross and wrong. and this was over the course of a very long time where i was constantly second guessing myself as a person and keeping myself in check like i was the one with an issue because i couldn’t let him work through what he needed to work through. i never blamed his bisexuality, but he did constantly. it messed with my head for a very long time and i spent 10 years following that relationship learning to trust any man of any sexuality. i wouldn’t not date someone because they’re bi now, but it would almost be impossible for me to question when the topic of their attraction to others comes up if i’m good enough to keep them satisfied. this happens with straight men too. i drop the ball in the middle of love connections all the time because i’m afraid of feeling as helpless as i felt then.
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>"yeah sure, so skilled that you set me up with a homophobic woman. "
yta - only for assuming she was homophobic just because someone doesn't want to date someone who is openly bi. just like you have a preference, it's perfectly fine for someone else's preference to be dating a heterosexual. if you have any insecurities they can be easily amplified; sex was bad maybe he prefers men. there are questions of future open relationships and will he be happy with just me. she asked some questions and realized it wasn't going to work for her. it's kind of shitty to throw it in her face that her friend is homophobic. if you had said you were really into bondage and she bowed out, is she kink shaming or just realizing that your ideals in a relationship don't align.
your friend was right, she's not open minded or secure enough to date someone who is bi and that is perfectly ok. everyone gets to choose who and what types of relationships they engage in with out being labeled as evil.
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
| 0.462963
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay. i (27m) am single and bi. my friend is a person who loves to set people up and she is generally very good at it. she introduced me to a friend of hers. this girl was funny, smart and hot. we hit it off and we were talking to each other a lot, sharing memes and flirting. things started going down hill when she send me a video of about athlete and i joked that i had a crush on him in the past. she took some time to reply to that and then asked me some uncomfortable questions about my sexuality. she asked me if had been with a man, she asked me about my sexual experiences with men and some more questions along that line. i answered them mostly because some people are curious and open about sex and that is fine but after that our communication slowed to a crawl and i got the message that she was not interested and stopped talking to her. i told my friend about this and she just shrugged and said that sucks. a few of my friend circle met up for a brunch last sunday and we were talking and having fun and in the midst of a conversation she was playfully boasting about her ability to set people up. i said "yeah sure, so skilled that you set me up with a homophobic woman. " i was teasing her but i think she took it personally and she stopped laughing. she defended her friend by saying that she was not open minded enough right now and then became very quiet. which is totally not her. it kinda killed the vibe. my friends think she feel guilty about this and i shouldn't have brought it up. i do feel a bit guilty as i am sure she would never have done this if she had know that her friend would not be cool with bi guys. i am not really cut up about the relation not working out and i am kind of used to it so i feel guilty about ruining her day over something that didn't really matter to me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay. i (27m) am single and bi. my friend is a person who loves to set people up and she is generally very good at it. she introduced me to a friend of hers. this girl was funny, smart and hot. we hit it off and we were talking to each other a lot, sharing memes and flirting. things started going down hill when she send me a video of about athlete and i joked that i had a crush on him in the past. she took some time to reply to that and then asked me some uncomfortable questions about my sexuality. she asked me if had been with a man, she asked me about my sexual experiences with men and some more questions along that line. i answered them mostly because some people are curious and open about sex and that is fine but after that our communication slowed to a crawl and i got the message that she was not interested and stopped talking to her. i told my friend about this and she just shrugged and said that sucks. a few of my friend circle met up for a brunch last sunday and we were talking and having fun and in the midst of a conversation she was playfully boasting about her ability to set people up. i said "yeah sure, so skilled that you set me up with a homophobic woman. " i was teasing her but i think she took it personally and she stopped laughing. she defended her friend by saying that she was not open minded enough right now and then became very quiet. which is totally not her. it kinda killed the vibe. my friends think she feel guilty about this and i shouldn't have brought it up. i do feel a bit guilty as i am sure she would never have done this if she had know that her friend would not be cool with bi guys. i am not really cut up about the relation not working out and i am kind of used to it so i feel guilty about ruining her day over something that didn't really matter to me. [/INST] nah. you didn’t know she’d take the joke so roughly. she obviously didn’t set you up with a terrible match on purpose and is not an ass for being hurt by your comment that implied it was her fault. </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to attend Thanksgiving if my family invites my pregnant ex?
|
my relationship with my ex was good until it wasn't or really until she became pregnant. we had some significant disagreements related to the pregnancy and decided to take a break.
the breakup happened last month, but my family is still planning to invite her to our family's thanksgiving dinner. i was extremely surprised when my mother told me this, and after having some time to think, i told my mother and the rest of my family if they invited my ex then i would not attend. as much as i enjoy spending time with my family, i don't think it would be enjoyable to have to spend the day with my ex.
i can provide more detail about my family's thoughts if needed, but it suffices to say that they want to maintain good relations with her because of the pregnancy, in case we do get back together, and because they like her.
i don't feel like it would be smart to approach my ex directly and ask her not to come, so the only option i have is to boycott.
wibta for going through with the boycott?
| 754
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxv8hg/wibta_for_refusing_to_attend_thanksgiving_if_my/
|
2019-11-18 00:22:03
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info - if you can't sit though a meal with your ex, how are you expecting to co-parent? or are you not expecting to co-parent?
what are the "significant disagreements"?
|
yta
you said in one of your comments further down that the ex-gf's family lives halfway across the country. your family is both kind and smart to invite her to the holidays. this is the future mother of their grandchild. they don't want her to spend the holiday alone and pregnant.
in another comment, one of your complaints is that she suggested looking for a house when your lease was up. you also referred to her as your (then) fiancee and mentioned she wasn't giving you enough attention, in a comment. you're not giving a full picture in your initial post.
then there's this:
>i get along with her. it is mostly that being around her right now is very stressful, so the last thing i want to do during the holidays is be reminded about my problems.
>
>i didn't think now was a good time to have a baby. she disagreed. once she decided to keep it i think she went overboard in trying to change our lives to get ready for the baby. i felt like she was becoming too controlling.
she's pregnant. you're not, but you're both expecting this baby, intended or not. it sounds to me like you're afraid to face up to your role as a father, and that by breaking up and avoiding her, you're hoping to ignore it until it goes away. the thing is, it is not going away.
you should be glad your family has the compassion and foresight to look out for the interest of your child and its mother, even when you're wanting to shirk the responsibility.
i'm sorry this happened to you. it must be scary for you. it's also scary for her, you know, and in a very real way.
boycotting thanksgiving isn't going help anyone, including you. do it if you want, but it is an asshole move.
|
yta
no you are not obligated to go anywhere you don't want. but giving your family an ultimatum because you can't be adult enough for a day is petty.
especially if this is your child and you are expected to co parent.
|
yta, based on the fact it is your baby. this is the type of situation that will come up - next year the baby will be here and you’ll be spending thanksgiving with her *and* baby (hopefully). i think you should start learning how to get along now, before baby arrives.
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yta - my mother tells this story: in the middle of an extremely contentious divorce with my father, my grandma (my dad's mother) called my mother and told her "you are my daughter-in-law whether you are still married to my son or not and you and your children will always be welcome in my home no matter what. family is family and divorce doesn't change that. and if he doesn't like it, he can stuff it." i'm sure my father didn't appreciate that very much at the time and things were difficult and awkward those first few holidays after the divorce, but as a child of that divorce, i always loved my grandma for that. think about what's best for your kid.
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yta. this is immature, your family is doing the right thing. grow up.
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info: well, is she pregnant with your baby?
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yta
you are having a baby together, vastly better if everyone gets on.
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you're having a baby, and it sounds like your ex is taking that fact far more seriously than you are. you're worried about "drama" at a family dinner (something most of us have every year anyway), while she's worried about having a safe pregnancy and a healthy place for a baby to grow into a reasonable adult... you're worried about your own ego more than your baby's wellbeing. c'mon, man. do better than that. yta if you don't.
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yta. i hate to sound like a boomer but if you weren’t ready for a child, you should have taken proper precautions.
whether you like it or not, she’s going to be apart of your life for 18 years, and your family seems to want to have access to their grandchild.
grow up, and i mean that in the nicest way.
|
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my relationship with my ex was good until it wasn't or really until she became pregnant. we had some significant disagreements related to the pregnancy and decided to take a break. the breakup happened last month, but my family is still planning to invite her to our family's thanksgiving dinner. i was extremely surprised when my mother told me this, and after having some time to think, i told my mother and the rest of my family if they invited my ex then i would not attend. as much as i enjoy spending time with my family, i don't think it would be enjoyable to have to spend the day with my ex. i can provide more detail about my family's thoughts if needed, but it suffices to say that they want to maintain good relations with her because of the pregnancy, in case we do get back together, and because they like her. i don't feel like it would be smart to approach my ex directly and ask her not to come, so the only option i have is to boycott. wibta for going through with the boycott?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my relationship with my ex was good until it wasn't or really until she became pregnant. we had some significant disagreements related to the pregnancy and decided to take a break. the breakup happened last month, but my family is still planning to invite her to our family's thanksgiving dinner. i was extremely surprised when my mother told me this, and after having some time to think, i told my mother and the rest of my family if they invited my ex then i would not attend. as much as i enjoy spending time with my family, i don't think it would be enjoyable to have to spend the day with my ex. i can provide more detail about my family's thoughts if needed, but it suffices to say that they want to maintain good relations with her because of the pregnancy, in case we do get back together, and because they like her. i don't feel like it would be smart to approach my ex directly and ask her not to come, so the only option i have is to boycott. wibta for going through with the boycott? [/INST] info - if you can't sit though a meal with your ex, how are you expecting to co-parent? or are you not expecting to co-parent? what are the "significant disagreements"? </s>
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AITA For placing a marker at my infant brother’s grave after 40 years?
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when i was 9 yrs old my parents had an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy in a bad marriage. 6 weeks after being born baby j died is sids. in 1971 this triggered a full, invasive, abuse investigation. my parents did not want the children at the funeral. dad’s family refused to help with expenses. “the state can pay for it”. a grave headstone was never placed. after the abuse investigation was concluded. we kids were bright back home. everything related to baby j was removed. it was as if he never existed. pictures, clothes, everything was gone. over the next 40* years j was referred to less the a dozen times. within the year my parents divorced. 2014 dad has a stroke and arrangements are made for a move to a nursing home. apart of those arrangements included pre arranging and pre paying for dad’s funeral. while making those arrangements i also arranged for a headstone be placed for baby j. i did not tell either of my parents of my plans. i did tell my sister, brother, aunt and uncle. it was not to exclude my mom but rather to not remind of a painful, horrific time of her life. mom over heard my uncle comment on the appearance of the stone. mom was furious. i have never seen her so angry; not even with dad. (very justified anger with dad). mom accused me of making these arrangements with dad to hurt her. between dad’s stroke and lack of concern for over 40 years; dad didn’t get to have input. after denying dad’s involvement, and explaining i was trying to avoid digging up a very painful past and inflicting more pain on her; mom responded “no one goes up there anyway”. i told mom that family does visit the grave. myself, aunt, uncle and grandmother (when she was alive) all occasionally visit the grave. i told mom that grave markers of “unknown” were in many cemeteries. everyone deserves to be acknowledged as having existed. it was the right thing to do. i offered to take mom to see the stone, to see picture. she refused. it was a period of time before she talk with me about anything and baby j and the marker were never spoken of. mom died suddenly in dec 2018. i still wonder aita? i did not intend to cause mom more pain or dig up a tragic past. should i have left it alone? unfortunately, unintended pain is still pain.
| 4,188
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvbo0n/aita_for_placing_a_marker_at_my_infant_brothers/
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2020-07-21 17:27:17
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nah.
there was clearly a lot of unresolved emotions involving this poor child. your mother cannot be faulted for reacting the way she did, after this amount of time.
you wanted to acknowledge a sibling and your statement - "everyone deserves to be acknowledged as having existed" - is spot on. that is 100% true and what you did was the right thing to do.
may whatever god you believe in take good care of your family, including the sibling you were deprived of having known.
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nah. she's old and traumatized, the last thing she probably wanted was to have people remind her of what she tried hard to forget. however, you can't be faulted for doing what you did because since the baby has never been talked about, you couldn't have possibly known it would trigger her.
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nah. i won't call your mom an ah because she obviously dealt with a horrific trauma in the best way she could, but you're certainly not one either. it was a really beautiful gesture, and you and your other family members have a right to commemorate your lost sibling and work through the pain you yourselves have endured because of baby j's tragic death.
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nah. i am so sorry for your losses and for how this came to be.
although i personally would not have marked the gravesite of a baby gone over 40 years, i appreciate your explanation about why you wanted to do it. best to you and your family — this all could not have been easy on any of you.
edit to change to nah because your mother is not an asshole here — i cannot imagine how she must have felt.
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nah
between your lost brother, abuse allegations, not being able mark the grave, etc, your mom likely felt some kind of lingering guilt or responsibility for what happened. she may have felt that you marking the grave was somehow how an accusation towards her and her lack of “responsibility” towards her son. she could have been the best mother/wanted the best for your brother and those feelings would still be understandable.
grave markers are for the living and it sounds like you and some of your family members appreciate the gesture and that it helped to heal the wound left by the loss of a young family member. you even tried to leave your mom out of it to avoid this result. while it’s unfortunate it was ultimately your mother’s responsibility to get to a healthy place of dealing with that memory. it sounds like she never quite got there which is sad but doesn’t make her a bad person either.
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going against the crowd but slight yta. i don’t think it was your call to make. parents of lost children have a different bond with their children than the siblings and extended family do. i think it was disrespectful to go behind your mother’s back, the one arguably most hurt by this loss. i like your statement about all lives being acknowledged, and i believe your heart was in the right place, but it probably would have been better to wait until after your mother had passed
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we are all doing better. mom and dad are both gone now. reading my nursing textbook helped mom slow down on blaming herself. i was given the gift of being able to tell her i did not in any way blame her for what happened or how it was handled. i did handle things differently with my kids. to their dismay sometimes; i talked with them about everything. my autistic son lost his best friend to a car accident while in kindergarten. we talked about that off and on the rest of the year. well, i talked, he listened. certain events; such as holidays, kindergarten graduation etc would trigger “talks”. we cried together about tabitha. as an adult he still mentions her occasionally and that is ok.
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yta. you knew it was a sensitive subject and while i get that you wanted to honor your baby brother, it was specifically your mom's trauma. you'd already waited 40 years; you should have waited until she passed to mark the grave.
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nah
i truly can't imagine how there could possibly be any pain deeper than the death of a child. i've never seen pure horror and despair like i've seen when my grandmother found out her daughter died. your mothers situation was especially traumatic and from what i read here and what i know of that time period, i doubt she had a lot of support and wouldn't be surprised to find out that she was under a lot of criticism for her capabilities as a mother. i bet she already blamed herself, before she had investigators prying into her life. all that pain and physical trauma to bring a child into the world just to suffer its loss so quickly, yeah i get why you might just not want to think about that as much as you can avoid it.
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yta. your mother and father her lost this child. it may have upset you too, but your mom carried the child and gave birth.
you knew or suspected that seeing the memorial would hurt your mother, but you wanted a memorial. if you need it that badly you could have memorial and put it in a place where you can visit it (and others can if desired). the memorial does not have to be in the exact spot of the grave to be effective. (if it was a dire necessity for you you could have planned to move the memorial to the gravesite after your mom passed away, even though at the time you didn’t know how long she would live.)
instead you put a painful reminder that you knew would upset your mom in a place where your mom would see it or was likely to see it.
or per the story she didn’t see it but did hear about it .... i can’t fully tell from the story but the point is you have every right to mourn/mark privately but not to do it publicly in a place or way that forced your mother to grieve your way.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.707107
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was 9 yrs old my parents had an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy in a bad marriage. 6 weeks after being born baby j died is sids. in 1971 this triggered a full, invasive, abuse investigation. my parents did not want the children at the funeral. dad’s family refused to help with expenses. “the state can pay for it”. a grave headstone was never placed. after the abuse investigation was concluded. we kids were bright back home. everything related to baby j was removed. it was as if he never existed. pictures, clothes, everything was gone. over the next 40* years j was referred to less the a dozen times. within the year my parents divorced. 2014 dad has a stroke and arrangements are made for a move to a nursing home. apart of those arrangements included pre arranging and pre paying for dad’s funeral. while making those arrangements i also arranged for a headstone be placed for baby j. i did not tell either of my parents of my plans. i did tell my sister, brother, aunt and uncle. it was not to exclude my mom but rather to not remind of a painful, horrific time of her life. mom over heard my uncle comment on the appearance of the stone. mom was furious. i have never seen her so angry; not even with dad. (very justified anger with dad). mom accused me of making these arrangements with dad to hurt her. between dad’s stroke and lack of concern for over 40 years; dad didn’t get to have input. after denying dad’s involvement, and explaining i was trying to avoid digging up a very painful past and inflicting more pain on her; mom responded “no one goes up there anyway”. i told mom that family does visit the grave. myself, aunt, uncle and grandmother (when she was alive) all occasionally visit the grave. i told mom that grave markers of “unknown” were in many cemeteries. everyone deserves to be acknowledged as having existed. it was the right thing to do. i offered to take mom to see the stone, to see picture. she refused. it was a period of time before she talk with me about anything and baby j and the marker were never spoken of. mom died suddenly in dec 2018. i still wonder aita? i did not intend to cause mom more pain or dig up a tragic past. should i have left it alone? unfortunately, unintended pain is still pain.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i was 9 yrs old my parents had an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy in a bad marriage. 6 weeks after being born baby j died is sids. in 1971 this triggered a full, invasive, abuse investigation. my parents did not want the children at the funeral. dad’s family refused to help with expenses. “the state can pay for it”. a grave headstone was never placed. after the abuse investigation was concluded. we kids were bright back home. everything related to baby j was removed. it was as if he never existed. pictures, clothes, everything was gone. over the next 40* years j was referred to less the a dozen times. within the year my parents divorced. 2014 dad has a stroke and arrangements are made for a move to a nursing home. apart of those arrangements included pre arranging and pre paying for dad’s funeral. while making those arrangements i also arranged for a headstone be placed for baby j. i did not tell either of my parents of my plans. i did tell my sister, brother, aunt and uncle. it was not to exclude my mom but rather to not remind of a painful, horrific time of her life. mom over heard my uncle comment on the appearance of the stone. mom was furious. i have never seen her so angry; not even with dad. (very justified anger with dad). mom accused me of making these arrangements with dad to hurt her. between dad’s stroke and lack of concern for over 40 years; dad didn’t get to have input. after denying dad’s involvement, and explaining i was trying to avoid digging up a very painful past and inflicting more pain on her; mom responded “no one goes up there anyway”. i told mom that family does visit the grave. myself, aunt, uncle and grandmother (when she was alive) all occasionally visit the grave. i told mom that grave markers of “unknown” were in many cemeteries. everyone deserves to be acknowledged as having existed. it was the right thing to do. i offered to take mom to see the stone, to see picture. she refused. it was a period of time before she talk with me about anything and baby j and the marker were never spoken of. mom died suddenly in dec 2018. i still wonder aita? i did not intend to cause mom more pain or dig up a tragic past. should i have left it alone? unfortunately, unintended pain is still pain. [/INST] nah. there was clearly a lot of unresolved emotions involving this poor child. your mother cannot be faulted for reacting the way she did, after this amount of time. you wanted to acknowledge a sibling and your statement - "everyone deserves to be acknowledged as having existed" - is spot on. that is 100% true and what you did was the right thing to do. may whatever god you believe in take good care of your family, including the sibling you were deprived of having known. </s>
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AITA for not shaving?
|
i (26f) am pregnant, my husband (35m) is over the moon thrilled
i feel huge, i've always been either a s or xs so any amount of weight gain is noticable, i've stopped exercising and its honestly hard to even put my shoes on.
i'm 28 weeks along.
when i met my husband i was always ontop of shaving or waxing.
i just haven't had the effort to shave and haven't bothered, i have dark hair so it's fairly noticable.
went out with the in laws, did my hair and makeup, even wore a dress.
when we got home my husband went on about how gross my legs look since i haven't shaved and how "*nobody wants to look at that while eating*" apparently because i knew we were going out i could've gone somewhere to wax my legs, at least.
aita?
| 2,965
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/einhfm/aita_for_not_shaving/
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2020-01-01 20:43:52
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info: what is wrong with your husband?
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oh. oh, no. you are so nta.
take a pillowcase, fill it with 20 pounds of irregularly shaped rocks, strap it firmly around his middle, and tell him to touch his toes. climb stairs. lie on his back for more than a minute.
you’re literally growing a new life inside you. he needs to get his priorities straight.
and why would you introduce the stress of waxing, a painful procedure, into your stressed, immune suppressed body?
you do you, mama. best of luck.
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nta how is you husband going to handle diapers is a bit of leghair grosses him out. sounds like you will soon have two babies hehe
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[removed]
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[removed]
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nta, your husband is an asshole. nobody looks at someone else’s legs while they’re eating. tell him to shove a load of wax on his legs and pull it off before he chastises you for something he has no fucking clue about.
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nta your husband sucks, no one is looking at your legs while eating. fuck his nastiness
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nta, the chances are your husband doesn’t shave either does he? tell him that if he doesn’t have to shave neither do you, especially because of your pregnancy. it’s honestly a red flag that he thinks that’s gross especially when your pregnant.
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nta. if he wants them shaved he can shave them for you (if you want that ofc lmao)
ive never been pregnant, but i cant imagine shaving legs if you can barely even reach your shoes, that must hurt like hell and be uncomfortable asf.
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info: were you eating with your legs?
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.027063
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (26f) am pregnant, my husband (35m) is over the moon thrilled i feel huge, i've always been either a s or xs so any amount of weight gain is noticable, i've stopped exercising and its honestly hard to even put my shoes on. i'm 28 weeks along. when i met my husband i was always ontop of shaving or waxing. i just haven't had the effort to shave and haven't bothered, i have dark hair so it's fairly noticable. went out with the in laws, did my hair and makeup, even wore a dress. when we got home my husband went on about how gross my legs look since i haven't shaved and how "*nobody wants to look at that while eating*" apparently because i knew we were going out i could've gone somewhere to wax my legs, at least. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (26f) am pregnant, my husband (35m) is over the moon thrilled i feel huge, i've always been either a s or xs so any amount of weight gain is noticable, i've stopped exercising and its honestly hard to even put my shoes on. i'm 28 weeks along. when i met my husband i was always ontop of shaving or waxing. i just haven't had the effort to shave and haven't bothered, i have dark hair so it's fairly noticable. went out with the in laws, did my hair and makeup, even wore a dress. when we got home my husband went on about how gross my legs look since i haven't shaved and how "*nobody wants to look at that while eating*" apparently because i knew we were going out i could've gone somewhere to wax my legs, at least. aita? [/INST] info: what is wrong with your husband? </s>
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AITA for potentially damaging my brothers relationship with his sons over college tuition?
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my (42m) brother (40m) are very different people, i'm a perpetually single gay actuary working for a large company, and my brother is your stereotypical blue collar guy who worked his way up from a construction worker to a heavy equipment operator. due to differences in our career paths and overall life paths i have always had more money than my brother, i can tell the difference in our incomes sometimes bothers my brother since he has always had to struggle. he does make a nice living and his wife is a nurse but, we live in a high col area so a lot of their income goes to paying for housing and expenses while i paid off my house and invest/save a significant portion of my income from my job. he has never once said anything to me directly, but he will make little comments like if i get a new car i should be glad i can afford it because i don't have kids, etc.
i don't mean to give the impression that my brother is a bad guy or anything, because for the most part he is a total sweetheart and took my coming out (in the 90s no less) much better than anyone else in the family and always stays involved in my life. i only give that information to provide a background of why this situation may have come to a head. my nephews are 14 and 16 and are getting to the age where they need to start planning college, and my brother has told them that he really can't give them much help with college except for the savings plan (529) that he has for both of them which have roughly 10k each.
while the boys were over at my house last weekend hanging out, they were complaining to me about how they were going to afford college and i was asking them where they want to go to school. since they both are planning to go to school in-state i was thinking that the tuition for both of them wouldn't really be that bad, and i told them not to worry about it i'd pay for it. well naturally they were ecstatic about it, but when they told me brother he got upset with me and said i shouldn't flash my money around and make his kids feel like they can't rely on him and instead need to run to their uncle for money. i apologized for offering that without telling him, but i told him i was not going to take the offer back because i love my nephews and want them to start their life out debt-free. so either he lets me pay for it directly or i'll wait until they graduate and pay off their debt then, regardless they will be starting their adult life debt-free.
we got into a huge argument about it and i feel like i may have really overstepped some boundaries here, but i am not backing down on my offer and knee-capping by nephews financially for my brothers pride. aita?
| 2,821
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m2fd8s/aita_for_potentially_damaging_my_brothers/
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2021-03-11 02:08:33
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nah. your heart was definitely in the right place and i commend you for being there for your nephews. it’s clear your generosity struck a nerve for your brother and that may have set him off. give it a few days and then try speaking to your brother.
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nah i think your intent is wonderful but your execution could have been a little better. you could have gone to your brother and said, hey, i love my nephews and want to contribute to their education fund so it wasn’t a direct tie in the kids head to dad not having money and then boom, rich uncle swoops in and saves the day. that said, your brother shouldn’t let his pride get the best of him. it’s a generous and kind offer and he should know you well enough to know that you werent trying to show off or show him up.
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nah i agree you should have chatted with your brother first and i can see the hit to his pride....but i was the kid in this situation being poor with the rich aunty, except my parents were so proud they put a stop to it and my aunty didn't want to upset my parents. you know what that achieved? my parents still felt like charity cases, my aunty felt bad because she didn't get to help and i missed out on a laundry list of amazing thing because of it.
vacations, money for a car, money for college,various things thay would have made my life easier (computers, bikes etc).
i am still upset with my parents for this. 20 years later. their pride was worth more than a better life for their child. that is fucked up. i didn't care that they didn't have the money for things, i understood. what i could not understand is why they would prevent me from having these opportunities.
definitely discuss and see if you can figure out a way to do it with your brothers blessing- maybe frame it in a way saying you don't have any kids to take care of so it's actually an important thing for you to do for yourself.
but if compromise doesn't come...fucking do it anyway! help those kids! why not?! what is money good for if not that?!
good luck, you sound like a great and uncle and brother.
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nah.
you are an amazing uncle and the kids are lucky to have you. yes, you should have spoken to your brother before giving the kids the offer. your brother is proud and stubborn and no one can blame him for wanting to take care of his kids on his own.
what about a compromise? offer to cosign on the kids' loans. it'll help them build credit and when they're out of college they will be full fledged adults in charge of their own finances. you can then talk to them about helping to repay their loans.
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soft yta because you didn’t discuss it with him first. that is a *huge* offer and he deserved a conversation first. but of course it’s very kind of you to pay for them, it honestly makes a huge difference coming out of school debt free. i can just see why his feelings are hurt is all.
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nah. you’re not as ass for helping, and he sounds like a man who takes pride in providing for his family. give him a little slack and carry on with your plan.
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your brother is supposed to unconditionally love his children and want the best for them and he is angry that you are offering to support them so they don't have to graduate from college with massive debt? as someone who has a lot of debt, i have a lot of four letter words for your brother. he is putting his ego above his children's best interest. he is clearly jealous of your success and that has just now come out in the horrible form of resenting you for helping his own children have a better future.
you are nta. if your brother is the stand up guy you described (supporting you coming out in the 90s), give him a chance to come around. but don't feel guilty about wanting to support your nephews. that is what family is for.
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> since they both are planning to go to school in-state i was thinking that the tuition for both of them wouldn't really be that bad, and i told them not to worry about it i'd pay for it.
did you do the research on this? do you know what the price actually is? have you told them the offer is contingent on them staying in-state? how do you plan to handle it if one of them drops out, or changes majors and has to stay in for several extra years, or pursues a longer degree? i know this wasn't your actual question, but i am way distracted. please tell me the professional number-cruncher did in fact crunch the numbers before offering to write a blank check.
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nah. you’re amazing for doing this and i bet he will eventually come around on that too. but i understand why he wishes you’d spoken to him first
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gentle yta. as wonderful as this is for your nephews, you definitely, *definitely* should not have done that without talking to your brother first. he has every right to be shocked and upset, and you should give him a minute to process before trying to push it again. the kids have time.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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YTA
| 0.406083
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (42m) brother (40m) are very different people, i'm a perpetually single gay actuary working for a large company, and my brother is your stereotypical blue collar guy who worked his way up from a construction worker to a heavy equipment operator. due to differences in our career paths and overall life paths i have always had more money than my brother, i can tell the difference in our incomes sometimes bothers my brother since he has always had to struggle. he does make a nice living and his wife is a nurse but, we live in a high col area so a lot of their income goes to paying for housing and expenses while i paid off my house and invest/save a significant portion of my income from my job. he has never once said anything to me directly, but he will make little comments like if i get a new car i should be glad i can afford it because i don't have kids, etc. i don't mean to give the impression that my brother is a bad guy or anything, because for the most part he is a total sweetheart and took my coming out (in the 90s no less) much better than anyone else in the family and always stays involved in my life. i only give that information to provide a background of why this situation may have come to a head. my nephews are 14 and 16 and are getting to the age where they need to start planning college, and my brother has told them that he really can't give them much help with college except for the savings plan (529) that he has for both of them which have roughly 10k each. while the boys were over at my house last weekend hanging out, they were complaining to me about how they were going to afford college and i was asking them where they want to go to school. since they both are planning to go to school in-state i was thinking that the tuition for both of them wouldn't really be that bad, and i told them not to worry about it i'd pay for it. well naturally they were ecstatic about it, but when they told me brother he got upset with me and said i shouldn't flash my money around and make his kids feel like they can't rely on him and instead need to run to their uncle for money. i apologized for offering that without telling him, but i told him i was not going to take the offer back because i love my nephews and want them to start their life out debt-free. so either he lets me pay for it directly or i'll wait until they graduate and pay off their debt then, regardless they will be starting their adult life debt-free. we got into a huge argument about it and i feel like i may have really overstepped some boundaries here, but i am not backing down on my offer and knee-capping by nephews financially for my brothers pride. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (42m) brother (40m) are very different people, i'm a perpetually single gay actuary working for a large company, and my brother is your stereotypical blue collar guy who worked his way up from a construction worker to a heavy equipment operator. due to differences in our career paths and overall life paths i have always had more money than my brother, i can tell the difference in our incomes sometimes bothers my brother since he has always had to struggle. he does make a nice living and his wife is a nurse but, we live in a high col area so a lot of their income goes to paying for housing and expenses while i paid off my house and invest/save a significant portion of my income from my job. he has never once said anything to me directly, but he will make little comments like if i get a new car i should be glad i can afford it because i don't have kids, etc. i don't mean to give the impression that my brother is a bad guy or anything, because for the most part he is a total sweetheart and took my coming out (in the 90s no less) much better than anyone else in the family and always stays involved in my life. i only give that information to provide a background of why this situation may have come to a head. my nephews are 14 and 16 and are getting to the age where they need to start planning college, and my brother has told them that he really can't give them much help with college except for the savings plan (529) that he has for both of them which have roughly 10k each. while the boys were over at my house last weekend hanging out, they were complaining to me about how they were going to afford college and i was asking them where they want to go to school. since they both are planning to go to school in-state i was thinking that the tuition for both of them wouldn't really be that bad, and i told them not to worry about it i'd pay for it. well naturally they were ecstatic about it, but when they told me brother he got upset with me and said i shouldn't flash my money around and make his kids feel like they can't rely on him and instead need to run to their uncle for money. i apologized for offering that without telling him, but i told him i was not going to take the offer back because i love my nephews and want them to start their life out debt-free. so either he lets me pay for it directly or i'll wait until they graduate and pay off their debt then, regardless they will be starting their adult life debt-free. we got into a huge argument about it and i feel like i may have really overstepped some boundaries here, but i am not backing down on my offer and knee-capping by nephews financially for my brothers pride. aita? [/INST] nah. your heart was definitely in the right place and i commend you for being there for your nephews. it’s clear your generosity struck a nerve for your brother and that may have set him off. give it a few days and then try speaking to your brother. </s>
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AITA For being angry at my sister for not attending our fathers funeral because of his criminal history.
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my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications.
my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time.
however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society.
my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it.
i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live.
i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita.
| 12,616
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ag84ed/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_sister_for_not/
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2019-01-15 12:44:39
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yta. she is not obligated to forgive him. you may believe he has paid his dues to society, but that's only an opinion on the matter.
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> i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic
the guy murdered someone, it's not like he accidentally smashed her favourite vase or something.
what he paid for in the past has nothing to do with anything.
*you* may believe he paid his due to society, but clearly this is not a generally accepted belief.
yta without a doubt here.
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yta. you weren't there for every moment they spent together or were privvy to the wedding discussion. he might have used the money to absolve guilt of his past or a million different reasons.
you've no right to expect people to feel the same as you do. she is entitled to feel exactly how she wants to not go to a funeral of someone she clearly despises.
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yta. finding out your parent is a monster isn’t an easy thing. paying for her wedding has zero to do with anything except it may make her feel worse because of the source of his income. you and your mother need to leave it be. you guys may have come to terms with it but she clearly hasn’t and probably never will.
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yta. my condolences to you and your family, but she doesn't have to forgive anyone she doesn't want to forgive.
plus yta for not realizing she is grieving. even though she didn't have the best relationship with him, she still probably has some feelings to sort through with his passing. maybe some regret, some shame, some sadness, some anger. she's processing this in the way she knows how to, and that includes not going to the funeral. it doesn't make her an asshole.
if you keep pushing you will be a bigger asshole and risk losing your sister. tread lightly and tell her you respect her choice.
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yta
>he has now paid his due to society
did the victim’s family tell you that?
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yta - she doesn't have to attend anybody's funeral
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yta, but it's complicated.
> she is being childish and overdramatic
your father **literally** murdered people, but the "dramatic" one is your sister?
here's the thing: victims of crime get compensated from the legal system, but that doesn't mean they need to attend the funeral of the company owner whose negligence killed their family member, right?
they get money because that's the most we can do as a society, but that doesn't absolve anyone of guilt, nor does it make anything better.
so, the fact that your father paid for familial obligations doesn't absolve him from his heinous crimes; your sister taking his money for her wedding is probably her thinking that's the least he could do, considering what he did to your family. (and it is.)
your entire family was victimized by your father, even though to a lesser degree than his victims. nonetheless, you are all victims of his actions, which you will all continue to live with; directing your anger at your sister instead of your father for destroying your family is misguided.
aside: your mother is obviously a victim here but your sister isn't obligated to do things so your mom "has the will to live".
so--you asked if she could attend; she refused. you need to accept that that's the most you can expect from her, and not further divide your family because of what your father did. please get some professional help to learn how to channel your emotions about this.
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yta and by the way as a person who’s brother was a victim of homicide. your father did not pay his debt to society. no amount of jail time accounts for another person life.
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yta.
paying for braces is baseline dad stuff. paying for your kid's wedding is great, but not as great as murdering a bunch of people is bad. she's not required to forgive anybody.
also, for the record, you might have gotten her to go as a favor to you if you'd been like "look, i know you don't have a good relationship with him, but please be with me in this awful time" rather than deciding she's just childish and dramatic for not wanting to stand around talking about how great this dead murderer was because at least he paid the bills on time.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications. my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time. however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society. my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it. i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live. i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications. my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time. however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society. my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it. i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live. i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita. [/INST] yta. she is not obligated to forgive him. you may believe he has paid his dues to society, but that's only an opinion on the matter. </s>
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AITA if I don’t go to this job interview my cousin referenced me for
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so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes.
however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk....
| 12,174
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bbbnzc/aita_if_i_dont_go_to_this_job_interview_my_cousin/
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2019-04-09 18:45:42
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yta. you said you'd be there, be there. basic professionalism. if you didn't want the job, should have told them you weren't interested.
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you said yes, so yta
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yta. it's really rude to cancel an interview at the last minute, especially since your cousin stuck her neck out for you. you should have either not accepted the interview to begin with or canceled yesterday when you had some time to realize you didn't want to go. at this point, not going would be inconsiderate of both your cousin's attempt to help you and the manager's time they've set aside to interview you. if i were you, i would go to the interview, do your best, and if offered a job, thank them for the opportunity but tell them you won't be able to accept. that's the most graceful way out of this. if you decide to just not show up or cancel very last minute, i'm sure your cousin will probably forgive you, but i wouldn't expect her to go out of her way to help you again.
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yta go for your cousin's sake. it will not look good on her for you to bail on the interview.
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yta if you don't go. you agreed to the interview and need to keep your commitment for the sake of her reputation. while you like the flexibility of door dash, it may be worth looking into this restaurant part time for guaranteed hours.
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glad you received your judgement (and job), now some advice for the future: you hurt yourself when you refuse to consider new things. your value judgements on this are dumb as shit.
if you go, the absolute worst that can happen is that you waste maybe an hour and the best that happens is you get a way better job, and either way your cousin's reputation is protected.
whereas if you don't go, your cousin's reputation is fucked, you embarrass her and yourself and are rude to her manager, you don't get to even know if the job is interesting, but you save a whole hour.
picking the second one is just plain stupid.
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ha ha ha, edit 3 was probably the funniest thing i've read on here and also one of the most ironic...
&#x200b;
good luck.
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you would have been ta, but nta anymore with those edits. always show up for the interview. you never know what might happen.
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yta. you got a lotta dandruff in your hair? cause u flake’n!
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yta but it sounds like you went so nah.
a second interview for a delivery driver though? are they putting you through an obstacle course or something?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.04134
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes. however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk....
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes. however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk.... [/INST] yta. you said you'd be there, be there. basic professionalism. if you didn't want the job, should have told them you weren't interested. </s>
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AITA for telling my nephew that the reason he has designer shoes is because his mother is irresponsible with the money my husband gives her?
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i actually did have a reason to say this. my husband has a middle-income job and i stay at home. we have a 4yo boy and his sister is a single mom with a 6yo boy, his cousin. she lives in public housing and my husband gives her about $300 per month, which i found out about a year ago by looking at his bank statements. this amounts to thousands of dollars per year.
something that has always annoyed me is that she spends what i see as absurd amounts of money on items for her son that he will quickly outgrow. since he was 2 he's worn triple-digit price-tag sneakers, and for his second birthday she got the whole family together and got him a cake that she told me was over $200. i see that as a waste of money for people of our income level, let alone her own.
recently we were all together at my in-laws house and her son tried to "dunk on" mine by making fun of him for getting clothes from good will. obviously he is too young to know better, but this is just stupid. my own parents were middle-class but we shopped at good will because it's a good deal, and it's stupid to be ashamed of it. what made me mad was that after my son got visibly upset, my sister-in-law started laughing too, like it was a cute little kid thing. i said, "well, you only have nice clothes because your mother is stupid with the money my husband gives her."
cue sil screaming at me, and husband looking awkwardly at the floor (he is non-confrontational) and me passive-aggressively smiling until we high-tailed out of there. one of the things she yelled at me during the confrontation was that i'm lazy and don't work. it's true that i don't work, but i keep our household spending down by cooking budget meals and carefully planning our budget each week. the whole incident was pretty upsetting but she's been known to be aggressive towards me in the past and i didn't like that she was enjoying the opportunity for her son to be mean to mine when thousands of our own household income are going into hers each year.
| 5,851
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l6qjxx/aita_for_telling_my_nephew_that_the_reason_he_has/
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2021-01-28 07:04:32
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esh. all three adults. you should not have dragged a 6-year-old child into this bitterness over money. it's between the adults. he might have behaved badly towards your son, but he's barely old enough to tie his shoes, and he's not responsible for his mother's poor decisions.
if you have an issue with the money your husband gives his sister, *raise it with your husband.* don't just lash out randomly at the most powerless person.
|
esh
oh wow. alot to unpack here.
so you, a grown woman and mom, thought it was okay to trash talk a 6 year olds mom...to him? granted that 6 year old should not be bullying your son, but you should have age appropriatly told him to be nicer and then talk to your sil
secondly, your husband should have told you he's giving money to his sister instead of you having to find out in his bank statements. not cool to hide something like that from your wife. thats 3600 a year.
thirdly, you and your husband need to communicate about this money. your sils actions (her attitude and cruelty to your son) should have consequences.
fourthly, lets not police your sisters spending. your husband gives that money to her as a gift and its really crappy when people add strings. if you resent what she spends it on, dont give her money. problem solved. if you're worried about how this will affect her son, then buy him a few needed items she cant pawn or sell. or offer to pay for some of his school or doctor bills
.
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esh
&#x200b;
> i didn't like that she was enjoying the opportunity for her son to be mean to mine
&#x200b;
> me passive-aggressively smiling until we high-tailed out of there
it sounds like you were both enjoying each other's child being hurt. shame on both of you.
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esh. if she feels she is so superior for having nicer things she obviously dosnt need your husbands support, but if you feel so sour over it maybe have that convo with your husband instead of involving your kids, there was definitely a better way to handle that
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ok mrs. big shot - you really showed that six year old kid, didn’t you sis?!
...yta
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very light esh.
her kid was acting like a kid and was rude, and she should have corrected him when he started acting out. she decided to take it as a joke and laugh, so you pointed out why there was such a difference in their clothing and suddenly she didn’t find it funny anymore. the only reason you’re even slightly ta here is because her kid was still present, and kids do dumb shit and should learn to have regular conversations and could have been corrected differently.
regardless, your husband didn’t knock her up and shouldn’t have to foot the bill for her decisions. i’d also talk to your husband about the “allowance” he gives, because $300 could really help your own household out.
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esh including your husband. your sil for laughing at your kid, you for making this a painful situation for both kids, your husband for paying his sister without telling you and for not calling the two of you out for how your behavior towards the two poor kids.
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
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esh-
she’s an asshole for letting her kid be an asshole and supporting it.
you’re an asshole for worrying about what she does with her money. as soon as your husband puts it in her hands, it’s hers and she can do what she pleases with it. you sound like the bored hoa president housewife that measures everyone’s grass. mind your business.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.031651
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i actually did have a reason to say this. my husband has a middle-income job and i stay at home. we have a 4yo boy and his sister is a single mom with a 6yo boy, his cousin. she lives in public housing and my husband gives her about $300 per month, which i found out about a year ago by looking at his bank statements. this amounts to thousands of dollars per year. something that has always annoyed me is that she spends what i see as absurd amounts of money on items for her son that he will quickly outgrow. since he was 2 he's worn triple-digit price-tag sneakers, and for his second birthday she got the whole family together and got him a cake that she told me was over $200. i see that as a waste of money for people of our income level, let alone her own. recently we were all together at my in-laws house and her son tried to "dunk on" mine by making fun of him for getting clothes from good will. obviously he is too young to know better, but this is just stupid. my own parents were middle-class but we shopped at good will because it's a good deal, and it's stupid to be ashamed of it. what made me mad was that after my son got visibly upset, my sister-in-law started laughing too, like it was a cute little kid thing. i said, "well, you only have nice clothes because your mother is stupid with the money my husband gives her." cue sil screaming at me, and husband looking awkwardly at the floor (he is non-confrontational) and me passive-aggressively smiling until we high-tailed out of there. one of the things she yelled at me during the confrontation was that i'm lazy and don't work. it's true that i don't work, but i keep our household spending down by cooking budget meals and carefully planning our budget each week. the whole incident was pretty upsetting but she's been known to be aggressive towards me in the past and i didn't like that she was enjoying the opportunity for her son to be mean to mine when thousands of our own household income are going into hers each year.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i actually did have a reason to say this. my husband has a middle-income job and i stay at home. we have a 4yo boy and his sister is a single mom with a 6yo boy, his cousin. she lives in public housing and my husband gives her about $300 per month, which i found out about a year ago by looking at his bank statements. this amounts to thousands of dollars per year. something that has always annoyed me is that she spends what i see as absurd amounts of money on items for her son that he will quickly outgrow. since he was 2 he's worn triple-digit price-tag sneakers, and for his second birthday she got the whole family together and got him a cake that she told me was over $200. i see that as a waste of money for people of our income level, let alone her own. recently we were all together at my in-laws house and her son tried to "dunk on" mine by making fun of him for getting clothes from good will. obviously he is too young to know better, but this is just stupid. my own parents were middle-class but we shopped at good will because it's a good deal, and it's stupid to be ashamed of it. what made me mad was that after my son got visibly upset, my sister-in-law started laughing too, like it was a cute little kid thing. i said, "well, you only have nice clothes because your mother is stupid with the money my husband gives her." cue sil screaming at me, and husband looking awkwardly at the floor (he is non-confrontational) and me passive-aggressively smiling until we high-tailed out of there. one of the things she yelled at me during the confrontation was that i'm lazy and don't work. it's true that i don't work, but i keep our household spending down by cooking budget meals and carefully planning our budget each week. the whole incident was pretty upsetting but she's been known to be aggressive towards me in the past and i didn't like that she was enjoying the opportunity for her son to be mean to mine when thousands of our own household income are going into hers each year. [/INST] esh. all three adults. you should not have dragged a 6-year-old child into this bitterness over money. it's between the adults. he might have behaved badly towards your son, but he's barely old enough to tie his shoes, and he's not responsible for his mother's poor decisions. if you have an issue with the money your husband gives his sister, *raise it with your husband.* don't just lash out randomly at the most powerless person. </s>
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AITA for making a fake diary entry to catch my stepmom?
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i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again.
my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us.
long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom.
when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap.
dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell.
i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me.
now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do.
aita?
| 24,148
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i2lo6g/aita_for_making_a_fake_diary_entry_to_catch_my/
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2020-08-02 22:59:28
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nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think?
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nta. that is a gross invasion of your privacy. and a clever move on your part to confirm her prying. she's the a for sure!
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nta! you are in a tough spot because the adults around you are failing you and treating you unfairly. don’t let your stepmom make you feel guilty for violating your privacy and lying about it, and recognize your dad should be making sure your stepmom follows appropriate boundaries with you. make sure your mom knows what is going on. she may have to step up for you with your dad and his wife.
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nta. should've wrote that your dad confided in you he was cheating so then he'd have no
choice to believe you when the situation implodes.
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in 2011 (i was 32 at the time), i was living at my dad's house with my 2 daughters after leaving an abusive relationship. his girlfriend at the time was a piece of work... she would go into my room, and "clean" and basically snoop. so i went out, and spent $75 and bought the biggest dido i could find. put it in my closet, and "hid" it (i put a towel over it). let's just say, she only cleaned my room once more after that! (i just wish i had a camera to catch her finding it).
i recently told my dad about it since they are no longer together, and he laughed so hard tears were running down his face. he told me "if you would have told me at the time, i would have paid for it".
you deserve your privacy. i say nta. if you need ideas, i am here for you :)
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nta. your dad should have used this as a basis for a conversation with his wife about your relationship and her role in it. lying about you “saying” something to her is bullshit and you got the proof you needed.
both of them are treating you like crap. i’m sorry.
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nta. your step mom should respect your privacy and needs to get a hobby.
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nta. you set a trap and it worked.
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nta.
you set the bait and she fell for it, you proved your point. is there a way to prove to your dad that you didn’t do any of those things in your dairy to your stepmom is reading your dairy?
maybe tell your mum about the situation
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nta - your diary is private, she has no right.
let a bit of time pass and then write one last page in it saying how you can’t believe she betrayed your trust, she violated your privacy, how you find it hard to like her when she lies to your dad about you and you wonder if she’s threatened by you or something. stepmum will find it, read it, and if she has a shred of decency she will apologise and own up to your father, but most likely she will run to your father and twist the story to paint you as the bad guy, and if/when she does show him the page - proof you’ve been telling the truth the whole time, photograph the page on your phone too with something like a newspaper showing the date you wrote it too so she can’t claim you went in and wrote that stuff after the fact.
for whatever reason this woman is threatened by you to the point she’s repeatedly violating your privacy to stir trouble between you and your father. he’s clearly letting her do this so it’s up to you to to expose her bs since your father lacks the will or spine to have his daughters back.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita? [/INST] nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think? </s>
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AITAH? MIL is destroying my marriage
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so i(31m) and my wife(30f) are arguing daily over my mil and her crying wolf about being sick, it all started last week, ne and my wife and daughter are on vacation back from switzerland, all of the sudden my mil went to the er because off "severe back pain" and since she came back she is allways fucking my and wifes plans by crying about the pain, but then tries to get the high road by saying she does not want to mess our plans. usually 20min before we want to go somewhere she starts to feel pain and walks around the house like she cant take it. but as soon as my wife saya we are not going anywhere she sudenly feels better. i told my wife i cant take this shit anymore and now she is pissed at me called me an ah and said i have no empathy. despite i spend all my time with her parents and barelly get to go see mine. i am getting fed up with this and thinking about leaving and go to my parents that love having all off us there. aitah?
| 1,087
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkot2l/aitah_mil_is_destroying_my_marriage/
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2021-12-20 14:43:02
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info:
so are you staying with her while on your vacation? do you live with her? what's that situation because i'm a bit confused.
however, i also have a suggestion.
>usually 20min before we want to go somewhere she starts to feel pain and walks around the house like she cant take it.
if you must tell her when you're leaving, tell her you're leaving two hours after you plan to leave. then roll out before the antics start. if they start right when you're leaving, well... the proof is on the pudding.
the next day, push it back four hours from your actual leaving time. see if it happens again.
updated with judgement: nta
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info: does mil live with you?
so i think you need to "call her bluff" so to speak once. tell her that since she is experiencing pain so often, you have contacted a home helper/na to come help her when she's hurting. then the next time you have plans and she starts moaning in pain, "help" her to her chair/bedroom, give her a tylenol, glass of water and a heating pad and tell her that the na is on her way to make sure she starts feeling better.
or skip the home helper/na part, do all the other stuff and go to whatever you were planning. your wife doesn't want to come? bummer, she stays home and waits on mil and you & the kids go do the plans or see grandparents/great grandparents. if she complains that you did something without her, tell her that she needs to get her mom a home health aid or take her back to the doctor if she is in s much pain.
your wife is letting her mother hold you all hostage with this ghost pain. has your wife not made the connection between the start of the pain and your plans? how it mysteriously goes away once your plans have been cancelled?
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nta. please understand the wife is the one damaging your marriage. yes, mil's behavior is awful. however, it is your wife that allows it to impact your marriage by failing to address the issue.
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nta
fight for your family. my advice would be ignore it next time. if your wife wants to stay, tell her go right ahead and leave with your daughter and go anyway without her. after all she offered to stay, you and your daughter didn’t. draw a line. set boundary’s even with your wife.
wire down your thoughts in a letter clearly and concisely in practice what to say. answer any criticisms she has and then tell her that is how you feel, and it has gotten so bad you are thinking about leaving. ask her what your marriage is worth to her.
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first off, you can never out maneuver a hypochondriac or an emotional vampire. the only option you have is to brightly agree your wife should spend all of the time she needs with her mother, while you interact with your vacation doing what you want to do.
you can only pretend to be thrilled and happy your wife is going to jump for all of these false illnesses, using the recurring statement, “mil-can only tell if she is really feeling sick closer to our vacation, maybe part of the issue is she’s feeling left out, and needs her daughter with her, instead of us going on vacation, we as a couple feel it’s better for wife to help her mother through her feelings of her daughter being in vacation without her, than all of us sitting around looking at her”
in other words, go ahead and agree with mil that her actions do seem to need her daughters help, and you are also helping by keeping yourself fresh ready to help your wife when she returns to your vacation.
the key here is to stop trying to block mil. simply agree that wife and mil should be together anytime mil is “ill”.
you be the person to keep the vacation fires burning. be happy and anger free.
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write this down on a piece of paper:
9a.m. - tell mil we are leaving in 30 minutes to go to x.
mil will say ok.
9:15 - mil will start complaining about pain.
9:20 - she will convince you (your wife) that you have to stay/you will offer to stay.
9:30 - we won't be leaving because of mil.
or something like this. at 9:31 - hand your wife the paper. let her see that it's always the same shit.
9:40 - leave.
if you're in switzerland, you can offer to call spitex. at home nurse care. they will come and check her out. 😉
nta
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nta
&#x200b;
your mil is niot ruining your life, your wife is.
&#x200b;
stop seeing her parents that often.
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an important detail might be why mil's illnesses are affecting you at all.
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your mil is ruining your marriage after a week?
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nah it’s a sad fact you gotta account for in-laws when you get married. i didn’t continue dating a woman i really liked once because her mom was exactly the same and i knew i’d go crazy having to deal with that for 30+ years
|
INFO
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NAH
| 0.056163
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i(31m) and my wife(30f) are arguing daily over my mil and her crying wolf about being sick, it all started last week, ne and my wife and daughter are on vacation back from switzerland, all of the sudden my mil went to the er because off "severe back pain" and since she came back she is allways fucking my and wifes plans by crying about the pain, but then tries to get the high road by saying she does not want to mess our plans. usually 20min before we want to go somewhere she starts to feel pain and walks around the house like she cant take it. but as soon as my wife saya we are not going anywhere she sudenly feels better. i told my wife i cant take this shit anymore and now she is pissed at me called me an ah and said i have no empathy. despite i spend all my time with her parents and barelly get to go see mine. i am getting fed up with this and thinking about leaving and go to my parents that love having all off us there. aitah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i(31m) and my wife(30f) are arguing daily over my mil and her crying wolf about being sick, it all started last week, ne and my wife and daughter are on vacation back from switzerland, all of the sudden my mil went to the er because off "severe back pain" and since she came back she is allways fucking my and wifes plans by crying about the pain, but then tries to get the high road by saying she does not want to mess our plans. usually 20min before we want to go somewhere she starts to feel pain and walks around the house like she cant take it. but as soon as my wife saya we are not going anywhere she sudenly feels better. i told my wife i cant take this shit anymore and now she is pissed at me called me an ah and said i have no empathy. despite i spend all my time with her parents and barelly get to go see mine. i am getting fed up with this and thinking about leaving and go to my parents that love having all off us there. aitah? [/INST] info: so are you staying with her while on your vacation? do you live with her? what's that situation because i'm a bit confused. however, i also have a suggestion. >usually 20min before we want to go somewhere she starts to feel pain and walks around the house like she cant take it. if you must tell her when you're leaving, tell her you're leaving two hours after you plan to leave. then roll out before the antics start. if they start right when you're leaving, well... the proof is on the pudding. the next day, push it back four hours from your actual leaving time. see if it happens again. updated with judgement: nta </s>
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AITA for being upset my partner is taking his female friend on a romantic getaway?
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i (23f) and my partner (24m) had arranged a romantic getaway together to celebrate his new job. we’d been up against it for several years and things finally came together (for one of us at least) and he paid for this holiday for us to go on together. it was quite expensive ($5k all inclusive) and he paid for 90% of it.
anyway, so something has came up and i can no longer go, there’s not a chance in the world i can go, the place was paid for up front and they’re not changing the dates and won’t refund so the holiday is locked in place. my partner appreciates that i can no longer go and isn’t upset with me, however, he has invited his female friend to go and she’s accepted.
when he told me i went spare. i couldn’t believe he’d invite another girl to go to that place with him, one-king size bed, one hot tub overlooking the ocean, couples massage vouchers and all that stuff, it feels like i’ve been garrotted by a close friend. i asked him wtf and he had apparently asked his male friends but none of them could go and none of his family could/would go either. the girl in question is nice enough, they’ve been close friends for many years and as far as i know they’ve never been intimate. it simply doesn’t sit right with me that he would take another girl on our dream holiday with him, we’ve been arguing about it for two weeks and he keeps on saying i’m being ta for not understanding his situation (lol). i feel like my brad pitt has just accepted the role of mr. smith and he’s going to fall into it in the most beautiful place in the world and i’ll practically be on a different planet.
he’s not a cheat and he’s always been candid and trustworthy so i didn’t break up with him straight away but this is totally fucked up. all my friends think it’s fucked up and so do my family.
tl;dr — arranged dream getaway with my boyfriend, i can’t go and he’s taking his close female friend as he can’t find anybody else and now we’re arguing about it.
| 1,803
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gvt10p/aita_for_being_upset_my_partner_is_taking_his/
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2020-06-03 12:28:14
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info
have you spoken to any couples you know who could take your reservations and give you the money? your parents maybe, or siblings? some friends who were supposed to get married but didn't because of the pandemic? i am stressing here that they should pay you for the whole amount you have spent - they spend a week in a romantic paradise and you can plan a new getaway!
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nta, that's pretty whack. he couldn't get any of his male friends or family to go with him? none at all would like a free getaway vacation already bought and paid for?
pretty sure if my boy called me like "yo mike i bought a package for two for a sandals getaway in the carribean but my girl can't go, r u down?" i'd be totally honored and blessed, and we'd get wasted each night and have a blast! but noone wanted to go? except another girl? idk i can understand why you're upset.
nta.
edit; wait. he invited her before even asking/informing you!? definitely nta.
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nta. i would be concerned if it were me as well. a romantic getaway with someone who’s not me? not happening.
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nta. they can be the most trustworthy person in the world, but under the right circumstances anything could happen, and those are some "right circumstances".
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nta. wow this is a new type of hell.
why can’t he take his mum or sister or cousin?
plus i thought that due to covid many places should be a little more flexible about changing dates. or if they aren’t fight them with the ombudsman, media. anywhere!
why a girl and most importantly didn’t he clear it with you first?
he should’ve just went alone before inviting a chick to go.. why didn’t he think how much it was going to hurt you while he is on your romantic trip with another woman regardless if he stayed on a couch - it still hurts...
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nta. it was weird of him to ask her and not just go alone, and it was really weird of her to accept.
my best (male) friend asked me to go to a burlesque show with him after his girlfriend got a migraine and couldn’t go (non-refundable tickets) and i sure as shit didn’t go because going on another girls date is against girl code.
if i were you i’d tell your partner that you’re not cool with him going on a romantic getaway and sharing a bed with another woman. it’s dead-weird.
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im the last person to recommend breakups.
but if this was me and my partner i'd tell her that if she goes im breaking up with her.
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nta. that's just inviting trouble. it's a couple's trip, designated as a romantic trip. if i was in your shoes, this trip might be the end of the relationship for me.
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nta
i don't need to type a paragraph to tell you how inappropriate this is.
to the people asking "what is he supposed to do"
the answer is: not go.
just haggle with them to get the money back or just reverse the charge on the credit card. light up their social media, whatever.
go by himself.
eat the loss.
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question, if you don't think he is a cheat and view him as trustworthy why are you acting in a way i feel many other commentors will equate with you not trusting him?
like my girlfriend has a best guy friend who lives an hour away from us, once restrictions lift she's going to go visit him and spend the night at his place. but i trust her, so i'm not all like no you can't sleep at a guys place just the two of you. worst part of all is because of damage her ex did to her if i did say that she'd listen to me.
if they had separate beds would it still bother you? if there wasn't a hot tub with the room would it still bother you?
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23f) and my partner (24m) had arranged a romantic getaway together to celebrate his new job. we’d been up against it for several years and things finally came together (for one of us at least) and he paid for this holiday for us to go on together. it was quite expensive ($5k all inclusive) and he paid for 90% of it. anyway, so something has came up and i can no longer go, there’s not a chance in the world i can go, the place was paid for up front and they’re not changing the dates and won’t refund so the holiday is locked in place. my partner appreciates that i can no longer go and isn’t upset with me, however, he has invited his female friend to go and she’s accepted. when he told me i went spare. i couldn’t believe he’d invite another girl to go to that place with him, one-king size bed, one hot tub overlooking the ocean, couples massage vouchers and all that stuff, it feels like i’ve been garrotted by a close friend. i asked him wtf and he had apparently asked his male friends but none of them could go and none of his family could/would go either. the girl in question is nice enough, they’ve been close friends for many years and as far as i know they’ve never been intimate. it simply doesn’t sit right with me that he would take another girl on our dream holiday with him, we’ve been arguing about it for two weeks and he keeps on saying i’m being ta for not understanding his situation (lol). i feel like my brad pitt has just accepted the role of mr. smith and he’s going to fall into it in the most beautiful place in the world and i’ll practically be on a different planet. he’s not a cheat and he’s always been candid and trustworthy so i didn’t break up with him straight away but this is totally fucked up. all my friends think it’s fucked up and so do my family. tl;dr — arranged dream getaway with my boyfriend, i can’t go and he’s taking his close female friend as he can’t find anybody else and now we’re arguing about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) and my partner (24m) had arranged a romantic getaway together to celebrate his new job. we’d been up against it for several years and things finally came together (for one of us at least) and he paid for this holiday for us to go on together. it was quite expensive ($5k all inclusive) and he paid for 90% of it. anyway, so something has came up and i can no longer go, there’s not a chance in the world i can go, the place was paid for up front and they’re not changing the dates and won’t refund so the holiday is locked in place. my partner appreciates that i can no longer go and isn’t upset with me, however, he has invited his female friend to go and she’s accepted. when he told me i went spare. i couldn’t believe he’d invite another girl to go to that place with him, one-king size bed, one hot tub overlooking the ocean, couples massage vouchers and all that stuff, it feels like i’ve been garrotted by a close friend. i asked him wtf and he had apparently asked his male friends but none of them could go and none of his family could/would go either. the girl in question is nice enough, they’ve been close friends for many years and as far as i know they’ve never been intimate. it simply doesn’t sit right with me that he would take another girl on our dream holiday with him, we’ve been arguing about it for two weeks and he keeps on saying i’m being ta for not understanding his situation (lol). i feel like my brad pitt has just accepted the role of mr. smith and he’s going to fall into it in the most beautiful place in the world and i’ll practically be on a different planet. he’s not a cheat and he’s always been candid and trustworthy so i didn’t break up with him straight away but this is totally fucked up. all my friends think it’s fucked up and so do my family. tl;dr — arranged dream getaway with my boyfriend, i can’t go and he’s taking his close female friend as he can’t find anybody else and now we’re arguing about it. [/INST] info have you spoken to any couples you know who could take your reservations and give you the money? your parents maybe, or siblings? some friends who were supposed to get married but didn't because of the pandemic? i am stressing here that they should pay you for the whole amount you have spent - they spend a week in a romantic paradise and you can plan a new getaway! </s>
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AITA for buying an extra airline seat (and utilizing it) even though I don't need it?
|
i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days.
so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats".
on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem.
aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat.
note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.
| 26,938
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3os52/aita_for_buying_an_extra_airline_seat_and/
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2019-06-22 11:47:57
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nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please.
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nta. if you pay for it then it’s yours, simple as that.
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nta -- unless the flight is departing a wartorn region, a natural disaster, or a horde of zombies, there is no reason to second-guess yourself: you paid for the seat, so it's yours.
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flights have limited space and so i feel like it inconveniences people who might have to find a different flight. but if the airlines allow it and you pay for it then nta i guess.
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i have no idea how you are consistently making this work because we fly with our own damn kids all the time and have encountered several instances in which the airlines split up the seats we reserve together for reasons that make absolutely no sense.
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[removed]
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not only are you nta, i want to applaud you buying a 2nd seat.
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the only negative thing about this is the negative impact on climate. planes pollute a lot, and it helps if they're packed to maximum capacity.
however, business class still exists so fuck it. what you're doing is a drop in the bucket.
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nta
i absolutely hate it when airlines sell too many tickets and make other passengers who paid for 2 seats give up their extra seat. and guess what, airlines actually sell extra seats at every chance possible. apparently statistically there is a very high chance at least one passenger doesn't make it in a flight so airlines would just sell extra tickets.
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nta, you bought them, they're your seats, and that's it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane. [/INST] nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please. </s>
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AITA for not correcting my cashier that an omelette is not called oatmeal for 3 days in a row? I’ve saved $6 and seems like sky’s the limit
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hi everyone!
i go to the same place for breakfast every day and get an omelette. it’s cafeteria style where you get your food then bring it to a cashier where they look at/ask what’s on your plate and ring you up accordingly.
a few days ago there was a cashier i’ve never seen before. it’s pretty busy when i go and they try to whisk you through the line and take payment as quickly as possible. she looked at my plate, rang me up for “oatmeal” and took the card i was already handing out and charged me before i could even really say anything. a bowl of oatmeal is $2.50 instead of $6 so i just figured i’d take advantage of the small mistake in my favor, especially cuz i eat here every day.
the next day i ordered the same omelette, went up to line,and in between the person in front of me leaving and me getting all the way to the front she had already rang me up for “oatmeal” and was handing out her hand for my card. i have been in line when people have disputed the cashier before and nothing seems to unite strangers against you more than ruining the 5 seconds/person flow they usually have, so again, this time more afraid of the strangers then happy about a small thing going in my favor, i took the discount.
now for a third day she looked up at me, smiled, said “i got you! welcome back” and pressed “oatmeal” and charged me the $2.50.
aita for taking advantage of this for 3 days? should i say something tomorrow? does she know what she’s doing and just likes me? or does she really just think the oatmeal button says omelette?
people order both pretty often so she should have to be using both buttons.
| 7,834
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/apsoa7/aita_for_not_correcting_my_cashier_that_an/
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2019-02-12 12:06:26
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nah. i got you means she knows exactly what she's doing. if you bring it up now management might get involved and she loses her job. she likes you for whatever reason.
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nah! they do this to me at starbucks sometimes when i order dairy free milk, which costs extra. one time i actually pointed out that they didn’t charge me the extra and the lady winked and said “do you want me to charge you?”. they know what they’re doing lol, dw.
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nta are you single? is she attractive?
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people should be using nah instead of nta.
you people are making the cashier an asshole
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nta, a lot of times people who hate their jobs do this for regulars. i know i did when i worked for \[redacted\].
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nah. as a former food service worker she most likely can tell the difference between oatmeal and an omelette (even if there’s a cover on the omelette there probably wouldn’t be on the oatmeal?). add in the fact she said i got you again i think she likes you. whether as a friend or more i don’t know but something has made her decide to give you a daily discount.
|
info
does it seem like she's into you? then nta, and go for it man!
does she seem kinda flaky? is this a small, independent cafe/restaurant? margins are pretty small in food service, and that could really hurt the store or her job in the long run.
maybe go in on a slow day and mention it to her privately and/or ask for her number.
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its gonna be hilarious if she uses reddit, reads this, recognizes herself, and thinks "wow that is one dense mofo"
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nta - i think she's doing this on purpose to be nice and save you some money. just go with it and enjoy the savings :) because if you bring it up and management find out she might get in shit. even if she is dyslexic or something and genuinely thinks she's hitting the right button, it's not hurting anyone - you said it's run by a casino right? no sympathy for them here.
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who else is frantically trying to find cheaper anagrams of their favourite foods and/or dyslexic cashiers in their area?
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.046507
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi everyone! i go to the same place for breakfast every day and get an omelette. it’s cafeteria style where you get your food then bring it to a cashier where they look at/ask what’s on your plate and ring you up accordingly. a few days ago there was a cashier i’ve never seen before. it’s pretty busy when i go and they try to whisk you through the line and take payment as quickly as possible. she looked at my plate, rang me up for “oatmeal” and took the card i was already handing out and charged me before i could even really say anything. a bowl of oatmeal is $2.50 instead of $6 so i just figured i’d take advantage of the small mistake in my favor, especially cuz i eat here every day. the next day i ordered the same omelette, went up to line,and in between the person in front of me leaving and me getting all the way to the front she had already rang me up for “oatmeal” and was handing out her hand for my card. i have been in line when people have disputed the cashier before and nothing seems to unite strangers against you more than ruining the 5 seconds/person flow they usually have, so again, this time more afraid of the strangers then happy about a small thing going in my favor, i took the discount. now for a third day she looked up at me, smiled, said “i got you! welcome back” and pressed “oatmeal” and charged me the $2.50. aita for taking advantage of this for 3 days? should i say something tomorrow? does she know what she’s doing and just likes me? or does she really just think the oatmeal button says omelette? people order both pretty often so she should have to be using both buttons.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone! i go to the same place for breakfast every day and get an omelette. it’s cafeteria style where you get your food then bring it to a cashier where they look at/ask what’s on your plate and ring you up accordingly. a few days ago there was a cashier i’ve never seen before. it’s pretty busy when i go and they try to whisk you through the line and take payment as quickly as possible. she looked at my plate, rang me up for “oatmeal” and took the card i was already handing out and charged me before i could even really say anything. a bowl of oatmeal is $2.50 instead of $6 so i just figured i’d take advantage of the small mistake in my favor, especially cuz i eat here every day. the next day i ordered the same omelette, went up to line,and in between the person in front of me leaving and me getting all the way to the front she had already rang me up for “oatmeal” and was handing out her hand for my card. i have been in line when people have disputed the cashier before and nothing seems to unite strangers against you more than ruining the 5 seconds/person flow they usually have, so again, this time more afraid of the strangers then happy about a small thing going in my favor, i took the discount. now for a third day she looked up at me, smiled, said “i got you! welcome back” and pressed “oatmeal” and charged me the $2.50. aita for taking advantage of this for 3 days? should i say something tomorrow? does she know what she’s doing and just likes me? or does she really just think the oatmeal button says omelette? people order both pretty often so she should have to be using both buttons. [/INST] nah. i got you means she knows exactly what she's doing. if you bring it up now management might get involved and she loses her job. she likes you for whatever reason. </s>
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AITA for telling my extended family how many men (roughly) my sister has slept with after she outed our youngest brother as a virgin?
|
we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m).
extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up.
eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk.
anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this.
so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past.
family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.
| 49,334
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cihc3z/aita_for_telling_my_extended_family_how_many_men/
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2019-07-27 13:11:51
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esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with.
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nta. you were looking out for your little brother and you fought with the truth. if your sister can't take the truth, she shouldn't dish it out. she also shouldn't have kept it from her husband.
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nta.
1. she started the personal attacks on body count so she can’t be mad when someone points out hers.
2. she lied to her husband about her past and that’s her fault. if anything she’s the asshole for that.
3. if their marriage is truly in trouble for you speaking the truth it’s probably not the best match
|
esh
it makes you look trashy and gross to have this personal info on your sister. and most people probably didn't think less of your brother when they heard virgin. it's family. family does not give a shit about your sex life. unless you're married and making babies. you got involved in a fight that didn't involve you. they shouldn't have been fighting so much. but you could have said something sooner and just asked them to stop. you did nothing but add fuel to the fire and behaved like a child.
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nta.
i feel like everyone voting esh thinks it’s more “damaging” to be slut shamed than it is to be shamed for being a virgin.
i was a late bloomer- literally every sexual milestone was hit wayyyy after what is “socially acceptable” for people my age. when you tell a person that you’re still a virgin you’re immediately hit with ‘the eye’. they stare at you and critique you like “yea their nose is a little big i guess...they’re pretty socially awkward so i can see why” etc. trying to make sense of what’s ‘wrong’ with you that no one wants to have sex with you 🙄
“i feel like once you have sex you’ll feel differently” “thats so cute-it’s good that you’re waiting because you should make it special- i didn’t and i totes regret it so really this is a blessing in disguise” etc.
it makes you feel like a little kid trying to sit at the grown up table.
“oh you aren’t missing anything trust me- it’s better to wait anyway” etc. just a ton of patronizing comments that all in all make you feel “less than” which is exactly what slut shaming is meant to do.
if the sister didn’t want anyone to poke at her past then she shouldn’t be delving into her brothers lack of one.
“being a virgin isn’t a big deal” the sister said it because she clearly feels like it is and she wanted to invalidate her brothers voice. that was the whole point of her comment. his opinion (in her eyes) is ‘less than’ because he’s a virgin.
i feel like most people don’t understand what it is to be told that you’re less of a person/less of an adult because you haven’t stuck your dick in someone/let someone stick their dick in you.
it’s a very degrading concept.
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nta - people really need to learn not to dish it if they can't take it. simple as that.
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esh. your sister obviously was the asshole for spouting off about your brother with hurtful intentions, but you were also ta for doing the same thing back to her (even though you were just sticking up for your brother). your family is ta for blaming you for the marital problems because your sister created those problems herself by "misleading" her husband about her past.
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nta
this brightened my day to read.
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esh except your brother.
there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin or having an active sexual past. you tried to fight fire with fire by slut shaming your sister. i completely understand why you reacted how you did and i think a lot of people can relate and may have acted the same. at the end of the day you suck for bringing it up how you did because your intent was to make her feel bad. i also can’t imagine your extended family knew about her sexual past.
she sucks for calling your brother that, not telling her husband, and for continuing to be an ass when you confronted her. however, if it’s true that every single person at the table with the exception of the husband knew about her sexual past and you genuinely thought he did you are not an asshole for them having marital problems. she should’ve told him that. you just suck for trying to put her down in front of a group of people so you’re not any better than her.
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nta you were sticking up for your brother. it’s not your fault you sister wasn’t honest with her husband.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.264545
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine. [/INST] esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with. </s>
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AITA for waking my husband up to drive me to pick up my car when I left my keys in my locker at work?
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a couple of weeks ago i accidentally left my car keys in my uniform pants at work, and left my pants in my locker (i don’t wear my uniform home for multiple reasons. i just bring it home to wash - i have 2)
i realized when i got to the subway station, where i’d parked, that i’d left my keys back at work - a half hour train ride and no guarantee i’d be able to get back in the building (it was after midnight).
i called my husband to ask him to bring me the spare key. twenty-two times. i tried my son, but he was asleep (he’s 19 and has a car) and didn’t wake up when i called a second time. and i tried a friend. i didn’t want to call too many people because again, it was after midnight.
i kept calling my husband hoping eventually he’d hear his phone.
i wound up taking an uber home.
i needed to go get my car because they ticket after 2 am usually. so, when i got home, and i was pretty upset that i’d called 22 times and he hadn’t answered. i continued trying to call him the whole way home in the uber.
when i got home, i went inside and up to the bedroom and woke him up. i was pissed that had this been a serious emergency, i wouldn’t have been able to get through to him.
he kept saying he had my number in his “favourites” so that if i called twice, the second time it would go through. but he had the phone on silent! and then put it on top of something soft. so he didn’t hear it vibrating.
he complained that i was mad at him for something i did. i replied that no, i was mad at me for forgetting my keys. that was 100% on me.
i was mad at him for not having his phone on and that he’s unreliable in an emergency, which thankfully, this wasn’t a huge one.
so, aita for waking him up and being pissed that i couldn’t reach him in what wasn’t a big emergency, but what if it had been?
| 14,032
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y3aph8/aita_for_waking_my_husband_up_to_drive_me_to_pick/
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2022-10-13 21:29:45
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yta. he's right: your mad at him for something you did. him having his phone in silent was an accident, just like you forgetting your keys. no one except you did anything to you here.
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i don’t get the y t a ‘s. nta i get what you are saying.
my dad went through a very serious emergency a few years ago, and i live out of state. my mom kept trying to call my sister who lives 20 minutes from them, but her phone was dead (even though she was at home). so all she was able to get was the daughter a plane ride away who could do very little to help until i flew out (which i did within a few hours of course).
there are settings on phones for this exact purpose to allow families to get in touch with you in an emergency. and while yours was not a true emergency this time, i understand why you are worried about what you would do if you had a true emergency in the future.
also let’s be honest, waiting for an uber alone late at night as a woman is definitely a little uncomfortable. i would have wanted my partner to at least know what was going on/stay on the phone with me while waiting for the uber.
anyways, he needs to figure out a better system. especially since it sounds like you work late nights often.
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yta. your first move here should have been taking an uber home. calling someone 22 times in a row should be reserved for emergencies only. and calling friends after midnight over a minor inconvenience is totally innapropriate.
you could have 100% solved this non-emergency situation yourself. but you decided to make it everyone else's problem.
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nta. this is a weird one. i didn’t realize so many people would be okay with their spouse being out of reach (unless it was something you both knew about ahead of time). the recent aita about the dude whose fiancé was mia for nine hours - he was quite right (from all replies) to flip because he couldn’t get in touch, but this person shouldn’t be mad, because… i don’t know.
if i were stranded somewhere and tried to call my partner and they ignored me, i’d be upset too. i’d also point out to them that if i had been calling for an emergency - say i was hospitalized and trying to get ahold of them - they would’ve missed my call, and that going forward they need to be more responsible about it.
but that’s an expectation for me, not you. if your spouse didn’t know you expected support…
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nah
people here responding telling op to call 911 if it *was* an emergency don’t get the point. the point is that op’s partner was unable to be contacted. if there had been an emergency and emergency services were calling and calling, he *still* wouldn’t have answered. *that* is what op means when they worry about him not responding during an emergency. op was not saying their partner should act as emergency services.
on the other side, her husband didn’t do it intentionally. there wasn’t malice here.
everyone is *so* mad in the comments.
take a break, guys.
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yta. you took one moment where everything was stacked against your husband that he didn’t hear his phone go off, ignored his reasonable explanation, and jumped to “you’re unreliable in an emergency.” that’s not a reasonable way to talk through a conflict
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yta. this wasn't an emergency...so you woke him up after midnight to yell at him for not waking up? charming. what was so bad about waiting until morning to speak to him and ask he recheck his settings? not sure why you preferred to stew on your way home and start an argument at an ungodly hour over a mistake you made. you forgot your keys. you could have called an uber and gone back to your work eith spare keys if you really wanted to.
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yta. i don’t think i know a single person who has ever put their phone on silent who hasn’t at one point forgotten they’ve done so. it happens.
also you do not call people 22 times for ‘forgotten keys’, especially not after midnight.
emergency’s after midnight are for the emergency services. if it’s not for the emergency’s services then it’s not a true emergency.
you had your phone and the means to pay for a ride home. it was never an emergency, merely an inconvenience that you caused yourself.
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you. must. chill. seriously. you called him 22 times?!?! you’re still mad two weeks later? that’s excessive.
why did you even call him to pick you up in the first place when you could have uber’d? knowing he was asleep? that’s pretty inconsiderate. you want him to be concerned about you, but you weren’t concerned about him - you literally wanted to wake him up to do what an uber could (and did) do for you. please try to think about other people, and get a hold of your anger.
22 times. how are you not embarrassed?
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yta he did not ignore your call, it was not an emergency, and now you can have a discussion about your expectations when you are out of the house and he is sleeping.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.111464
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a couple of weeks ago i accidentally left my car keys in my uniform pants at work, and left my pants in my locker (i don’t wear my uniform home for multiple reasons. i just bring it home to wash - i have 2) i realized when i got to the subway station, where i’d parked, that i’d left my keys back at work - a half hour train ride and no guarantee i’d be able to get back in the building (it was after midnight). i called my husband to ask him to bring me the spare key. twenty-two times. i tried my son, but he was asleep (he’s 19 and has a car) and didn’t wake up when i called a second time. and i tried a friend. i didn’t want to call too many people because again, it was after midnight. i kept calling my husband hoping eventually he’d hear his phone. i wound up taking an uber home. i needed to go get my car because they ticket after 2 am usually. so, when i got home, and i was pretty upset that i’d called 22 times and he hadn’t answered. i continued trying to call him the whole way home in the uber. when i got home, i went inside and up to the bedroom and woke him up. i was pissed that had this been a serious emergency, i wouldn’t have been able to get through to him. he kept saying he had my number in his “favourites” so that if i called twice, the second time it would go through. but he had the phone on silent! and then put it on top of something soft. so he didn’t hear it vibrating. he complained that i was mad at him for something i did. i replied that no, i was mad at me for forgetting my keys. that was 100% on me. i was mad at him for not having his phone on and that he’s unreliable in an emergency, which thankfully, this wasn’t a huge one. so, aita for waking him up and being pissed that i couldn’t reach him in what wasn’t a big emergency, but what if it had been?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a couple of weeks ago i accidentally left my car keys in my uniform pants at work, and left my pants in my locker (i don’t wear my uniform home for multiple reasons. i just bring it home to wash - i have 2) i realized when i got to the subway station, where i’d parked, that i’d left my keys back at work - a half hour train ride and no guarantee i’d be able to get back in the building (it was after midnight). i called my husband to ask him to bring me the spare key. twenty-two times. i tried my son, but he was asleep (he’s 19 and has a car) and didn’t wake up when i called a second time. and i tried a friend. i didn’t want to call too many people because again, it was after midnight. i kept calling my husband hoping eventually he’d hear his phone. i wound up taking an uber home. i needed to go get my car because they ticket after 2 am usually. so, when i got home, and i was pretty upset that i’d called 22 times and he hadn’t answered. i continued trying to call him the whole way home in the uber. when i got home, i went inside and up to the bedroom and woke him up. i was pissed that had this been a serious emergency, i wouldn’t have been able to get through to him. he kept saying he had my number in his “favourites” so that if i called twice, the second time it would go through. but he had the phone on silent! and then put it on top of something soft. so he didn’t hear it vibrating. he complained that i was mad at him for something i did. i replied that no, i was mad at me for forgetting my keys. that was 100% on me. i was mad at him for not having his phone on and that he’s unreliable in an emergency, which thankfully, this wasn’t a huge one. so, aita for waking him up and being pissed that i couldn’t reach him in what wasn’t a big emergency, but what if it had been? [/INST] yta. he's right: your mad at him for something you did. him having his phone in silent was an accident, just like you forgetting your keys. no one except you did anything to you here. </s>
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AITA for being mad at my fiancee for turning down a potential job to attend a wedding?
|
my fiancee has been unemployed for almost 6 months. she has been constantly applying for jobs, but the job market is garbage here. i've been supporting us both, and it's soon going to be more than i can afford.
her best friend in the world is getting married soon. it's very important to my fiancee that she go. they are extremely close.
last week, a work friend who knows about my fiancee's situation let me know about a job that was available. it was part time, it was close to where i work, and we knew a couple employees that were willing to put in a good word for my fiancee. it also paid more than her previous job.
the only problem is that it had a 90 day probation period. that meant no vacation or sick days for three months. that mean that if her schedule had her working on my fiancee's friend's wedding, she wouldn't be able to get the time off.
and that's only if her schedule has her working that day. it's a saturday.
my fiancee refused to even apply because she won't risk the possibility of having to miss her friend's wedding.
i understand the situation, i really do. the wedding is really important to her, and there wouldn't be a chance of her finding someone to cover for her because the job position would just have her and one other person. but she's been unemployed six months and i'm pinching pennies to make rent.
she's not lazy or mooching off of me in any way. she's just that loyal to her friend.
(unless you really really mean it, i'd appreciate if people didn't just tell me to break up with her)
| 1,905
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctjim8/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_fiancee_for_turning_down/
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2019-08-21 16:51:21
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info
why couldn't she apply and say that she's unavailable on that one day? i've never had a hiring employer take issue with accommodating requests like that, and frankly any employer that did wouldn't be worth working for.
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info - probationary period or not, it's pretty normal in my experience to apply for new jobs and tell them up front about immediate conflicts. as in, apply and interview, and tell them right in the interview something like "i'm excited about this opportunity. i do need to say that i am already committed to a wedding on mm/dd/yyyy. if i were to take this job, it would have to be contingent on me having that day off." i've never seen that to be an issue with any employer i've worked with. was/is your fiancee unwilling to even try that?
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nta, surely if hired (or even interviewed) your fiancee could mention the wedding date well ahead of time. the company might be inflexible, which would be shitty, but your fiancee should at least apply.
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nta. can’t she apply and let them know before hand that she has a wedding to attend on a specific date? usually they will work with you as long as it’s reasonable. have you communicated how financial stressed you’ve been?
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nta
almost all employers can be reasonable and work with an employee on time off, even during a probationary period -- especially if it's a major life event like this and you give them ample time to plan... i'd maybe understand that she wouldn't want to miss her best friend's wedding - but she should at least apply and try to work around it.
if she doesn't even try - that makes her ta.
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nta. for the future, advise your fiancee that advising an employer of any scheduled (important) conflict during an interview, will often result in the employee being able to make that commitment. my cousin was fired from a job and quickly had an interview for a new job. we had a vacation planned and paid for several months in the future. she advised the employer and had no problems.
this wedding is important but so is removing the financial burden from you. to not do that without even asking an employer is just silly.
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[deleted]
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nta. your fiancee is giving up an opportunity for financial stability to go to a party, and shifting that burden onto you. she is potentially torpedoing your future happiness and relationship success together by exacerbating money problems... so she can go to a party. a wedding is a ceremony and a party. it is not a marriage. she will presumably have many, many years to support her best friend's marriage, missing one party shouldn't change that.
nobody worthy of being a best friend should expect anybody to sacrifice a job opportunity to attend their party, and i'm curious what the bride might think of the whole thing.
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nta. she could have gone and spoken with the employer and explained she had a wedding coming up, and asked for an exception. if she had negotiated the time off as a part of her hiring, it would have been granted to her the same as any other contractual obligations, such as salary and benefits.
to not even take the meeting is saying, not only will you support me, but you will support me for an indeterminate period of time, as i refuse to become employed before the wedding, and who knows how long it will take to become employed after.
yes, weddings are important, but she's milking this for no reason.
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nta i understand why obtaining a job might be more important than attending a wedding. in 32 years of being in the workforce, i have never been declined a request for time off that i negotiated before accepting the position, which is not uncommon at all. have you even considered that option?
|
INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancee has been unemployed for almost 6 months. she has been constantly applying for jobs, but the job market is garbage here. i've been supporting us both, and it's soon going to be more than i can afford. her best friend in the world is getting married soon. it's very important to my fiancee that she go. they are extremely close. last week, a work friend who knows about my fiancee's situation let me know about a job that was available. it was part time, it was close to where i work, and we knew a couple employees that were willing to put in a good word for my fiancee. it also paid more than her previous job. the only problem is that it had a 90 day probation period. that meant no vacation or sick days for three months. that mean that if her schedule had her working on my fiancee's friend's wedding, she wouldn't be able to get the time off. and that's only if her schedule has her working that day. it's a saturday. my fiancee refused to even apply because she won't risk the possibility of having to miss her friend's wedding. i understand the situation, i really do. the wedding is really important to her, and there wouldn't be a chance of her finding someone to cover for her because the job position would just have her and one other person. but she's been unemployed six months and i'm pinching pennies to make rent. she's not lazy or mooching off of me in any way. she's just that loyal to her friend. (unless you really really mean it, i'd appreciate if people didn't just tell me to break up with her)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancee has been unemployed for almost 6 months. she has been constantly applying for jobs, but the job market is garbage here. i've been supporting us both, and it's soon going to be more than i can afford. her best friend in the world is getting married soon. it's very important to my fiancee that she go. they are extremely close. last week, a work friend who knows about my fiancee's situation let me know about a job that was available. it was part time, it was close to where i work, and we knew a couple employees that were willing to put in a good word for my fiancee. it also paid more than her previous job. the only problem is that it had a 90 day probation period. that meant no vacation or sick days for three months. that mean that if her schedule had her working on my fiancee's friend's wedding, she wouldn't be able to get the time off. and that's only if her schedule has her working that day. it's a saturday. my fiancee refused to even apply because she won't risk the possibility of having to miss her friend's wedding. i understand the situation, i really do. the wedding is really important to her, and there wouldn't be a chance of her finding someone to cover for her because the job position would just have her and one other person. but she's been unemployed six months and i'm pinching pennies to make rent. she's not lazy or mooching off of me in any way. she's just that loyal to her friend. (unless you really really mean it, i'd appreciate if people didn't just tell me to break up with her) [/INST] info why couldn't she apply and say that she's unavailable on that one day? i've never had a hiring employer take issue with accommodating requests like that, and frankly any employer that did wouldn't be worth working for. </s>
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AITA for asking a 47 year old man who is dating my 22 year old niece some pointed questions that made him “uncomfortable”?
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using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her.
but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.”
i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?”
she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some.
1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird).
2. has the dude been married, does he have kids?
3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman?
4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father?
5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant?
i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind).
so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions.
after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that.
i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road.
well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause.
so am i an asshole for questioning this guy?
| 26,263
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dpppvj/aita_for_asking_a_47_year_old_man_who_is_dating/
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2019-10-31 16:09:21
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nta — yes, she’s an adult, yes she can do what she wants. but she clearly has daddy issues and the guy’s taking advantage of that vulnerability. with an age gap like this, it’s hard for there not to be a power imbalance, which can be hard to see for someone at 22 with little experience with relationships and adult life, as it’s all pretty new. asking some pointed questions while the man was staying in your house seems fair enough to me, as long as you weren’t being too accusatory. that he quickly became defensive may be telling.
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nta, a 25 year age gap seems a bit weird anyway, and the fact he got 'uncomfortable' being asked simple questions about the relationship makes it seem like he was taking advantage of your niece and didn't like being called out on it
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>her dad walked out on her family when she was 8.
#
>[now] she’s 22
#
>her bf.....he’s 47.
🤔💡
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[removed]
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nta the fact he got defensive is a red flag. it's not a huge deal to have an age gap as it's becoming more prominent. however, i can understand where he may have become uncomfortable. but in the past my bf's have been questioned. and i've been questioned about my intentions with someone's son, aswell. i personally feel it's just something you become accustomed to when you start dating. (not every family does this. but a vast majority of people go though this phase with their so family)
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[removed]
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yta. not because i think your assessment is wrong, or because i wouldn't have the same questions, but because you should have talked to the niece about it first. acting like you were cool with having him stay and then springing an interrogation on someone she invited, without letting her know that was a condition of him being a guest in your home, was unnecessarily rude, and i'm sure it embarrassed the hell out of her. i totally support you pushing back on this relationship, but she *is* an adult, if a young one, and she deserved to be treated like an active agent in this situation.
** edited to add that i would have said "everyone sucks here" if the only people in the consideration were you and creepy boyfriend, but i didn't want to loop the niece and wife into it.
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yta, but i would probably do the same thing
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nta. odds are in your favor that he's there for the wrong reasons. you would be justified in having questions and given the circumstance, you were justified for asking them. they agreed to let you do it, and a 47 year old man should be able to answer them without getting uncomfortable.
further, your questions are totally reasonable in even a normal relationship.
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nta. you did your job as a male relative.
"either answer the questions like a stand up guy or hit the fucking road"
he chose the road so that's on him.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.295023
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her. but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.” i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?” she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some. 1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird). 2. has the dude been married, does he have kids? 3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman? 4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father? 5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant? i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind). so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions. after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that. i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road. well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause. so am i an asshole for questioning this guy?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her. but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.” i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?” she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some. 1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird). 2. has the dude been married, does he have kids? 3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman? 4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father? 5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant? i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind). so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions. after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that. i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road. well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause. so am i an asshole for questioning this guy? [/INST] nta — yes, she’s an adult, yes she can do what she wants. but she clearly has daddy issues and the guy’s taking advantage of that vulnerability. with an age gap like this, it’s hard for there not to be a power imbalance, which can be hard to see for someone at 22 with little experience with relationships and adult life, as it’s all pretty new. asking some pointed questions while the man was staying in your house seems fair enough to me, as long as you weren’t being too accusatory. that he quickly became defensive may be telling. </s>
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AITA for not leaving with my fiancé after she got kicked out of my best friends birthday party?
|
a bit of background:
my fiancé and i have been together for two years, and engaged for six months.
my best friend is a girl that i dated in highschool from the ages of 16-18 and briefly after college. we have been close friends for over ten years.
when i met my fiancé, my best friend had recently gotten hit by car on her bike. she was immobilized and ended up gaining like 100 pounds, she started exercising regularly again and has lost a lot of weight. my fiancé has been getting increasingly more short with my best friend, my friend group literally groans when i say i’m going to be bringing her along for outings.
when i ask my fiancé about it, she says she is becoming uncomfortable with my friendship with my best friend. she never expressed this before, when i ask her why she doesn’t give me a reason other than she doesn’t like it. two years ago, when i asked her if she was ok with it, she was.
the party:
my best friend was throwing a big birthday party to celebrate a lot of different things. a granted research proposal, weight loss, and a recent engagement. her fiancé and i are good friends also.
when i arrived at the party and saw best friend, i spun her around, told her she looked great and gave her a hug. my fiancé just stared at her, looked her up and down, and says “just letting it all hang out tonight huh!” best friend said something i didn’t catch, and they started yelling and arguing back and forth. best friends fiancé and i had to separate them.
once everything calmed down best friends fiancé came up to us and said that my fiancé had to leave, but i should stay. she tried to argue with him but he walked away. i called an uber for my fiancé and sent her home. she got super pissed that i wasn’t going home with her.
this morning has been one of yelling and screaming in an insane amount. my fiancé thinks i abandoned her and didn’t stand up for her at the party. she is threatening to leave. knowing this situation would you say that i was the asshole for letting her go home after the party alone? i wanted to celebrate with my friends, and not be burdened by her attitude problem.
for the sake of brevity some details may be missing. i will fill them in if they are relevant.
| 8,329
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fii8mx/aita_for_not_leaving_with_my_fiancé_after_she_got/
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2020-03-14 13:19:35
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esh. i don’t know, man. the way you describe your friendship with your best friend even makes me feel a little weird. your fiancé didn’t need to insult someone struggling with weight issues at her own birthday party either. what a nightmare this group sounds like.
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esh
your fiancée needs to learn to express her feelings without being super rude to people and making a scene, however it’s been insensitive of you not to address the issue until it came to a head like this (you make it pretty clear you know why your girlfriend is uncomfortable with your friendship with your ex) and then abandoning your fiancée when she reacted strongly to a display of affection with obvious romantic connotations with somebody she now knows you find attractive enough to date.
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esh. you're fiancee was incredibly rude. what she said seemed really uncalled for and embarrassing. on the other hand your friendship with this other girl is making her uncomfortable for some reason. ask her why its changed from her being ok with it to not so ok with it. i have to say if my husband picked up another woman and spun her around while telling her she looks great, i would be uncomfortable as well. i also wonder if you complimented your fiancee on how she looks. if not no wonder she is insecure.
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esh - your relationship is making your fiancé uncomfortable and you don’t care. it’s clear you ‘picked’ your friend over your partner.
your fiancé is rude and her comments were unnecessary. she’s jealous and acting out.
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esh — like, a lot — but i’m gonna say you suck a little bit more because you sound downright clueless.
i’ll give it to you straight: initially, your fiancée likely didn’t mind you having a female best friend that you’d previously dated because your friend was 100lbs overweight.
for many women, this will mean that your friend was not a “threat” and even if your fiancée *wasn’t* comfortable with your relationship, in her mind she was probably thinking, “well, at least i know he’s not attracted to *her* anymore.” is it a horrible thing to think? sure, but insecure people will think things like that and it allows them to feel comfortable. i think a certain amount of insecurity about a partner’s relationships in the beginning is normal, and she likely placated her feelings of jealousy with this rationalization.
then, your friend started losing weight. notice how their relationship began deteriorating as that started happening? i’d put money on that being due to the fact that, now, your fiancée *does* register your friend as a romantic threat and the feelings of jealousy that she suppressed bubbled to the surface in an ugly way.
your fiancée sucks for not (1) handling her emotions properly and being rude to with your friend because of her own insecurities and (2) not *explaining* to you that, “hey, actually, your friendship makes me feel insecure because i’m realizing how attractive your friend is and i need to sort out my feelings of jealousy over the fact that you have such a strong bond. would you be willing to take a step back for a while?”
your friend sucks because if she didn’t like your fiancée, she should’ve stepped back and stopped pretending to want to hang out with her. like, y’all are adults. there’s no need for cattiness like keeping someone around just to complain about them.
you suck because you saw the deteriorating friendship and didn’t think to dig in deeper to the issue or prioritize your fiancée’s feelings over your friend. the minute you heard that your fiancée felt uncomfortable, you should’ve made more of an effort to figure out why. fwiw, i also have many lifelong male friends and none of them twirl me around to tell me that i look great when i’m in a relationship. it’s a little too flirtatious, especially when you know your fiancée is already uncomfortable. i understand not wanting to leave the party because of your fiancée starting the fight, but you staying just reinforced the fear in her mind that you’ll pick your friend over her.
honestly, if you two can’t communicate your concerns maturely, you really shouldn’t be getting married anytime soon.
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esh your gf for not being able to keep her snide comment to herself and behaving and you for not taking your gf's feelings into consideration when interacting with your best friend in her presence. if my bf would be best friends with some girl he used to date and i told him i felt insecure about it and he then goes to spin her around, compliments her right in front of my face and tops it off with a hug i wouldn't be too happy either. also, she's your fiance, the person you chose to want to spend the rest of your life with. your friend and best friend kick her out of their party and you decide to stay. so now you're at a party with the person she told you she's not comfortable with and you just send her off in an uber. yea i'd be yelling at you in the morning too.
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yta.
> my friend group literally groans when i say i’m going to be bringing her along for outings.
it makes zero sense that you're still planning to marry a person who consistently abuses your friends in front of you.
> my fiancé thinks i abandoned her and didn’t stand up for her at the party.
yta for this as well. not for not defending her, because what she did is indefensible, but for inflicting this person on your friends and not taking responsibility for what you've done.
when you bring a guest to a party and that guest gets thrown tf out for flagrant misconduct, you leave. you take responsibility for bringing that person where they shouldn't have been, and face the consequences. how shameless are you that you could continue to enjoy the party after that?
>she is threatening to leave.
tf is wrong with you that this is a thing she can threaten you with instead of a thing you've already done?
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esh here.
your fiance obviously has some insecurity issues and she expressed them in a way that is not beneficial to your relationship.
however, you did abandon her. by not going home with her or even trying to defend her, you basically showed her that you value your best friend more and would choose her in a fight. that is only going to encourage more insecurity from her because now she's not going to be able to trust that she is a priority for you since you were so quick to ditch her. you should have gone home with her and handled the situation by talking about it right then.
your best friend and her fiance are also an asshole, though, because they made the situation worse by requesting that she go home and encouraging the rift between you and your fiancee. if your best friend cared about you, she wouldn't have made that request. she should have either suggested the both of you go home to calm down, or helped to ease the jealousy your fiance feels about her.
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i'm going to say yta. clearly, your fiance is uncomfortable because you dated this woman. now the moment you spun her around and told her she looked great probably made her feel like shit. have you ever done that to your fiance? do you tell her she looks great? i'm guessing no or not as issued as you do your friend. it sounds like she feels like she's second rate to your "best friend." i'm also guessing she probably feels like you're not really over her. now by tipi not leaving the party you've basically told your fiancee that your "best friend" is more important than she is. which i mean no fucking wonder she's uncomfortable.
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[removed]
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null | 0.031437
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a bit of background: my fiancé and i have been together for two years, and engaged for six months. my best friend is a girl that i dated in highschool from the ages of 16-18 and briefly after college. we have been close friends for over ten years. when i met my fiancé, my best friend had recently gotten hit by car on her bike. she was immobilized and ended up gaining like 100 pounds, she started exercising regularly again and has lost a lot of weight. my fiancé has been getting increasingly more short with my best friend, my friend group literally groans when i say i’m going to be bringing her along for outings. when i ask my fiancé about it, she says she is becoming uncomfortable with my friendship with my best friend. she never expressed this before, when i ask her why she doesn’t give me a reason other than she doesn’t like it. two years ago, when i asked her if she was ok with it, she was. the party: my best friend was throwing a big birthday party to celebrate a lot of different things. a granted research proposal, weight loss, and a recent engagement. her fiancé and i are good friends also. when i arrived at the party and saw best friend, i spun her around, told her she looked great and gave her a hug. my fiancé just stared at her, looked her up and down, and says “just letting it all hang out tonight huh!” best friend said something i didn’t catch, and they started yelling and arguing back and forth. best friends fiancé and i had to separate them. once everything calmed down best friends fiancé came up to us and said that my fiancé had to leave, but i should stay. she tried to argue with him but he walked away. i called an uber for my fiancé and sent her home. she got super pissed that i wasn’t going home with her. this morning has been one of yelling and screaming in an insane amount. my fiancé thinks i abandoned her and didn’t stand up for her at the party. she is threatening to leave. knowing this situation would you say that i was the asshole for letting her go home after the party alone? i wanted to celebrate with my friends, and not be burdened by her attitude problem. for the sake of brevity some details may be missing. i will fill them in if they are relevant.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a bit of background: my fiancé and i have been together for two years, and engaged for six months. my best friend is a girl that i dated in highschool from the ages of 16-18 and briefly after college. we have been close friends for over ten years. when i met my fiancé, my best friend had recently gotten hit by car on her bike. she was immobilized and ended up gaining like 100 pounds, she started exercising regularly again and has lost a lot of weight. my fiancé has been getting increasingly more short with my best friend, my friend group literally groans when i say i’m going to be bringing her along for outings. when i ask my fiancé about it, she says she is becoming uncomfortable with my friendship with my best friend. she never expressed this before, when i ask her why she doesn’t give me a reason other than she doesn’t like it. two years ago, when i asked her if she was ok with it, she was. the party: my best friend was throwing a big birthday party to celebrate a lot of different things. a granted research proposal, weight loss, and a recent engagement. her fiancé and i are good friends also. when i arrived at the party and saw best friend, i spun her around, told her she looked great and gave her a hug. my fiancé just stared at her, looked her up and down, and says “just letting it all hang out tonight huh!” best friend said something i didn’t catch, and they started yelling and arguing back and forth. best friends fiancé and i had to separate them. once everything calmed down best friends fiancé came up to us and said that my fiancé had to leave, but i should stay. she tried to argue with him but he walked away. i called an uber for my fiancé and sent her home. she got super pissed that i wasn’t going home with her. this morning has been one of yelling and screaming in an insane amount. my fiancé thinks i abandoned her and didn’t stand up for her at the party. she is threatening to leave. knowing this situation would you say that i was the asshole for letting her go home after the party alone? i wanted to celebrate with my friends, and not be burdened by her attitude problem. for the sake of brevity some details may be missing. i will fill them in if they are relevant. [/INST] esh. i don’t know, man. the way you describe your friendship with your best friend even makes me feel a little weird. your fiancé didn’t need to insult someone struggling with weight issues at her own birthday party either. what a nightmare this group sounds like. </s>
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AITA for calling out my best friend's hypocrisy right before her wedding?
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i am maid of honor for my best friend becca and the wedding is in a few days. coincidentally, my boyfriend tom proposed to me a few days ago. i asked becca if she'd like to be my maid of honour, and she refused on a ''matter of principle''.
becca is a lovely person, but she has extremely traditional views. her fiance is a lovely man, but is 10 years older than her (her and i are both 30), very handsome, and probably earns about 5x as much as she does. becca is very much a ''date up not down'' sort of woman. i have no problem with this at all. tom, meanwhile, is 6 years younger than me. gorgeous and makes a decent income, but i still out earn him considerably.
ever since tom and i have been dating, becca has constantly (and loudly) voiced her disapproval. to her an older woman and a younger man is ''unnatural'' and a woman shouldn't earn more than her husband as he is supposed to be the ''provider''.
i announced my engagement at our wedding planning session yesterday evening, and asked becca if she'd like the maid of honour job. she refused which i respect, but without my asking gave her reason: that she doesn't support me marrying tom and never will.
i was furious and called her out on her hypocrisy. she tried to get in her usual ''but it's different when the guy is older'' but i didn't want to hear it. i stormed out in tears.
tom is the most lovely guy i've ever met. he treats me like a princess, makes me feel like the most special person in the world. for years now i've bit my tongue as becca spits her vile views in my face, and i'm sick of it. she humiliated me in front of the entire bridal party.
i'm not sure where this leaves the wedding now. i will always be becca's friend and want to be there on her big day, so i don't know if i chose a bad time to confront her on her behaviour.
| 6,411
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dz2kkb/aita_for_calling_out_my_best_friends_hypocrisy/
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2019-11-20 14:12:12
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esh - you for allowing your friend to constantly badmouth your so and not stick up for him or shut her down and then turn around and ask her to be instrumental in your wedding. becca for being a sexist piece of trash.
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info: why did you ask becca to be your maid of honor if she's "constantly (and loudly) voiced her disapproval" ever since you started dating tom?
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[removed]
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nta becca fucking sucks. honestly i would consider dropping out of her wedding if i were you. but that's just me!
anyways, congrats on getting engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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esh
her for obvious reasons.
you for putting up with this. why would you even ask her to be maid of honour? she clearly has disdain for your partner, if she can't support you in your relationship then why have her there at all?
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> i will always be becca's friend and want to be there on her big day
why are you doing this to yourself?! have some self-respect, grow a spine and move on with your life. she's not a friend. nta
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>becca is a lovely person
oh, good!
>for years now i've bit my tongue as becca spits her vile views in my face
umm...
>i will always be becca's friend
why?
>and want to be there on her big day
uhh....
esh.
becca for obvious reasons, and you for keeping such a toxic person in your life.
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nta - your "friend" is a sexist. both towards men and women. she's doing equality, in both directions, exactly zero favours.
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esh except for tom and maybe becca's future husband, too.
i don't know where the hell she gets off trying to tell you who you should and shouldn't date. her opinions on relationships are backwards and old-fashioned, but she's (unfortunately) allowed to think that way. what she is not allowed to do is shit all over her friend and her friend's choice of a partner...so why do you put up with that shit? who you date/marry is your choice. honestly, becca is not a good friend to you, full stop.
you suck, too, though, for not only tolerating this shit from her but also for asking her to be your maid of honor when she disrespects your fiancee and bashes your relationship. why would you want someone who disrespects your partner to be a part of the most important day of both of your lives? that makes no sense whatsoever, and it's really not fair to tom, either.
personally, i think becca sounds toxic af and am not really sure why you want to keep her around. friendships aren't supposed to be one-sided.
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nta woah, she sounds like a piece of work. why would you be friends with someone like that in the first place? you should drop out of her wedding on principle that someone that awful shouldn't be inflicted on her poor groom.
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ESH
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.430388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am maid of honor for my best friend becca and the wedding is in a few days. coincidentally, my boyfriend tom proposed to me a few days ago. i asked becca if she'd like to be my maid of honour, and she refused on a ''matter of principle''. becca is a lovely person, but she has extremely traditional views. her fiance is a lovely man, but is 10 years older than her (her and i are both 30), very handsome, and probably earns about 5x as much as she does. becca is very much a ''date up not down'' sort of woman. i have no problem with this at all. tom, meanwhile, is 6 years younger than me. gorgeous and makes a decent income, but i still out earn him considerably. ever since tom and i have been dating, becca has constantly (and loudly) voiced her disapproval. to her an older woman and a younger man is ''unnatural'' and a woman shouldn't earn more than her husband as he is supposed to be the ''provider''. i announced my engagement at our wedding planning session yesterday evening, and asked becca if she'd like the maid of honour job. she refused which i respect, but without my asking gave her reason: that she doesn't support me marrying tom and never will. i was furious and called her out on her hypocrisy. she tried to get in her usual ''but it's different when the guy is older'' but i didn't want to hear it. i stormed out in tears. tom is the most lovely guy i've ever met. he treats me like a princess, makes me feel like the most special person in the world. for years now i've bit my tongue as becca spits her vile views in my face, and i'm sick of it. she humiliated me in front of the entire bridal party. i'm not sure where this leaves the wedding now. i will always be becca's friend and want to be there on her big day, so i don't know if i chose a bad time to confront her on her behaviour.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am maid of honor for my best friend becca and the wedding is in a few days. coincidentally, my boyfriend tom proposed to me a few days ago. i asked becca if she'd like to be my maid of honour, and she refused on a ''matter of principle''. becca is a lovely person, but she has extremely traditional views. her fiance is a lovely man, but is 10 years older than her (her and i are both 30), very handsome, and probably earns about 5x as much as she does. becca is very much a ''date up not down'' sort of woman. i have no problem with this at all. tom, meanwhile, is 6 years younger than me. gorgeous and makes a decent income, but i still out earn him considerably. ever since tom and i have been dating, becca has constantly (and loudly) voiced her disapproval. to her an older woman and a younger man is ''unnatural'' and a woman shouldn't earn more than her husband as he is supposed to be the ''provider''. i announced my engagement at our wedding planning session yesterday evening, and asked becca if she'd like the maid of honour job. she refused which i respect, but without my asking gave her reason: that she doesn't support me marrying tom and never will. i was furious and called her out on her hypocrisy. she tried to get in her usual ''but it's different when the guy is older'' but i didn't want to hear it. i stormed out in tears. tom is the most lovely guy i've ever met. he treats me like a princess, makes me feel like the most special person in the world. for years now i've bit my tongue as becca spits her vile views in my face, and i'm sick of it. she humiliated me in front of the entire bridal party. i'm not sure where this leaves the wedding now. i will always be becca's friend and want to be there on her big day, so i don't know if i chose a bad time to confront her on her behaviour. [/INST] esh - you for allowing your friend to constantly badmouth your so and not stick up for him or shut her down and then turn around and ask her to be instrumental in your wedding. becca for being a sexist piece of trash. </s>
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AITA for crashing my wife’s birthday party and taking her home.
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my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much.
my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways.
my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset.
i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too.
she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work.
she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying.
she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita?
| 16,485
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4o1sz/aita_for_crashing_my_wifes_birthday_party_and/
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2022-11-25 21:00:16
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yta. you didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. you just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans.
you honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. and instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness.
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yta.
you told her you had plans on her birthday and she made her own plans. when you plan a surprise, it’s on you to make sure the person will be available.
the plans she made with her friends were not less important that your poorly executed surprise.
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yta. you shouldn't be interrupting you wife's dinner for your awful execution of her birthday surprise. you also seem really hung up on the fact she went out which is odd to me.
perhaps the dinner plans only materlised that day.
friend: "hey op's wife, what are you doing for your birthday tonight?"
op's wife: "nothing - i think my husband forgot"
friend: "no no no, you aren't doing nothing for your birthday - we are going to get dinner"
maybe your wife looked sad at dinner becuase she thought her husband didn't do anything for her birthday.
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yta. you tried to do something nice, but you went about it the wrong way. surprises are often a bad idea. this is a case and point. you told your wife you wouldn’t be free on her birthday, so she made other plans. you embarrassed her in front of her friends, friends who had taken her out for her birthday. of course she is upset.
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yta
you’ve been sneaking around and giving her vague half-@ssed excuses about where you go. the day of her birthday you tell her you have plans and will be busy…
so she makes plans on her own, goes and tries to celebrate her bday anyway because you’ve been acting distant and aloof. then you crash that and drag her away?
the “surprise” wasn’t for her - it was about you. “look what i did! look how awesome i am!” you made her feel like crap, for weeks, then on her birthday made her feel even worse.
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what is actually wrong with you? people were celebrating her birthday and you dragged her away?
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wow… you *tracked her* when she didn’t answer you and then you *forced her to go home with you*. you sound insecure at best and fucking abusive at worst. absolutely yta.
editing to add based on your constant “she doesn’t go out ever, she doesn’t have any other friends, why would she have friends i haven’t met, why would i have to ask her to come straight home” makes me lean even more towards you are probably controlling and she is trying to find a fucking way out. i hope she does and you realize that not communicating with your partner isn’t *romantic*, it is fucked up.
editing to add the tracking isn’t out of the ordinary in relationships. what is concerning to me is that he was tracking her when she was avoiding him. she didn’t want to answer his calls or texts at the moment so she almost certainly didn’t want him *showing up because he tracked her location*.
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yta i'm guessing she thought you forgot and that jimmy did too, so her other friends or maybe her work friends took her out to try and cheer her up. i get you planned something very special for her, but in the future you need to at least say something like "don't make plans, we already have some but i can't tell you what".
in your wife's eyes both you and her best friend totally forgot about her special day, by the way 30 or any 10 year is considered a milestone.
please apologize and tell her how much you love her, that next time you will let her know that there are at least plans, even if you can't give details.
i personally know what it's like to feel forgotten, but the end of the day when my hubby didn't acknowledge or my best friend because they had planned a surprise party my mood was 100% ruined as i thought they had forgotten.
please, please, please communicate better. again you don't have to tell her details, just let her know that there are at least plans and make sure to wish her happy birthday immediately on her birthday.
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info: why didn’t you just join the group at the restaurant? and tell her there is a surprise at home when she’s ready? did you say anything in the uber? did she see the flowers/decor and not say anything? how many days ago was this, and why haven’t you apologized for not communicating adequately yet?
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yta. i hate surprise birthdays where the main message is “i’ve forgotten your birthday” you can do surprises without that part. i don’t know why people get such a boner for purposely hurting there loved ones before making them happy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much. my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways. my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset. i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too. she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work. she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying. she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much. my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways. my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset. i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too. she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work. she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying. she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita? [/INST] yta. you didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. you just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans. you honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. and instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness. </s>
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AITA for ruining my gay brother’s projection and causing him to fight with his boyfriend?
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my brother came out as gay on facebook late last month. everyone in our family stray for a few aunts and uncles were actually very supportive. since my brother’s birthday on the 2nd, we decided to celebrate his 25th coming out as gay/birthday dinner. our parents, other siblings, and nieces and nephews, and his partner were all attending and it was supposed to be something really fancy.
the thing is that my brother always made high school hell for me. in retrospect, it looks like a severe case of projection, because my brother bullied the hell out of me growing up. he would always call me fag and queer, would smack me if he thought i was looking at him too long, got pissy whenever i walked around the house without a shirt, and teased me to our entire family and asked when am i coming out. it was so annoying having my parents try to tell me they love and accept me no matter what when i’m not gay! i appreciated the support, but i just wasn’t.
anyways during his birthday dinner, he was introducing everyone to his boyfriend. i said i’m glad to see them happy together and that all of those years spent harassing me about my sexuality was for nothing. he inquired about more (my brother tried to shut me up) and i told him “oh, just all these years calling me a fag and acting like dick was really just him wanting dick”. my mom told me to cut it out and i just shrugged and went on about my day. i heard later that i started a huge argument with him and his boyfriend and i finally feel vindicated by the years of torment.
my parents, though tell me that i blew everything out of proportion and ruined his birthday dinner which was supposed to be a fun time with everyone because of some “childhood teasing”. i told her that she always took his side and that if i always tried to convince everyone that my gay brother was straight, i’d be a huge asshole, but for some reason, when he did it, it’s okay? we argued back and forth and it eventually came to a halt.
i’m just annoyed how everyone is against me. i feel like they always took their side back then and now they’re taking his side again.
did i overreact? aita?
| 2,317
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bcy3i0/aita_for_ruining_my_gay_brothers_projection_and/
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2019-04-14 02:07:32
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esh
he's an asshole for being an asshole for all those years - you have every right to confront him. but you're a major asshole for doing it during his birthday dinner in front of everyone.
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nta, payback is payback. can't take one ruined day, don't harass people for years
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nta. a lot of people in the comment section don't know what it's like grow up a shithead brother that you can't get away from. it really sucks and people write it off as childhood teasing. he made fun of you your entire life, and he wants to get mad when you make one or two jokes later on? nah, fuck that. don't dish it out if you can't take it.
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esh. you're an asshole for raising this issue in public at your brother's birthday dinner, and doubly for being pleased that you started an argument between your brother and his boyfriend, your brother is an asshole for bullying you, and doubly an asshole for not apologising. your parents are assholes for letting it happen and continuing to rugsweep.
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esh but he's definitely worse among you two. years of verbal abuse don't just magically go away because he finally figured out how to be at peace at himself without putting down someone else. you're right in that if you insisted he was a sexuality he wasn't your parents would go hard on you thus making them hypocrites, but you did go about this the wrong way by embarrassing him in front of several people including his boyfriend.
i hope he has the sense to apologise to you one day at least.
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nta - r/pettyrevenge would love this.
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nta
it's not your fault they got into an argument. the way i see it, if your brother had just admitted he had done wrong, there would be nothing to argue over.
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info what were you expecting from that? a fight? or confronting him for the bullying and hoping to have him apologize so you could both move on and have a decent relationship?
because if you were going for a fight, good job.
if you wanted closure, that was never going to happen. tell him you want to talk one on one, its important, talk like a grown up and work it out, tell him you were hurt as kid, etc.
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esh
your brother for bullying you, your family for ignoring it, and you for taking revenge in this way - but your brother and family are far worse than you imo (so much so that it was really difficult for me to say everyone sucks vs not the asshole).
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nta
oh no, poor abusers b-day was ruined :(((
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.34993
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother came out as gay on facebook late last month. everyone in our family stray for a few aunts and uncles were actually very supportive. since my brother’s birthday on the 2nd, we decided to celebrate his 25th coming out as gay/birthday dinner. our parents, other siblings, and nieces and nephews, and his partner were all attending and it was supposed to be something really fancy. the thing is that my brother always made high school hell for me. in retrospect, it looks like a severe case of projection, because my brother bullied the hell out of me growing up. he would always call me fag and queer, would smack me if he thought i was looking at him too long, got pissy whenever i walked around the house without a shirt, and teased me to our entire family and asked when am i coming out. it was so annoying having my parents try to tell me they love and accept me no matter what when i’m not gay! i appreciated the support, but i just wasn’t. anyways during his birthday dinner, he was introducing everyone to his boyfriend. i said i’m glad to see them happy together and that all of those years spent harassing me about my sexuality was for nothing. he inquired about more (my brother tried to shut me up) and i told him “oh, just all these years calling me a fag and acting like dick was really just him wanting dick”. my mom told me to cut it out and i just shrugged and went on about my day. i heard later that i started a huge argument with him and his boyfriend and i finally feel vindicated by the years of torment. my parents, though tell me that i blew everything out of proportion and ruined his birthday dinner which was supposed to be a fun time with everyone because of some “childhood teasing”. i told her that she always took his side and that if i always tried to convince everyone that my gay brother was straight, i’d be a huge asshole, but for some reason, when he did it, it’s okay? we argued back and forth and it eventually came to a halt. i’m just annoyed how everyone is against me. i feel like they always took their side back then and now they’re taking his side again. did i overreact? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother came out as gay on facebook late last month. everyone in our family stray for a few aunts and uncles were actually very supportive. since my brother’s birthday on the 2nd, we decided to celebrate his 25th coming out as gay/birthday dinner. our parents, other siblings, and nieces and nephews, and his partner were all attending and it was supposed to be something really fancy. the thing is that my brother always made high school hell for me. in retrospect, it looks like a severe case of projection, because my brother bullied the hell out of me growing up. he would always call me fag and queer, would smack me if he thought i was looking at him too long, got pissy whenever i walked around the house without a shirt, and teased me to our entire family and asked when am i coming out. it was so annoying having my parents try to tell me they love and accept me no matter what when i’m not gay! i appreciated the support, but i just wasn’t. anyways during his birthday dinner, he was introducing everyone to his boyfriend. i said i’m glad to see them happy together and that all of those years spent harassing me about my sexuality was for nothing. he inquired about more (my brother tried to shut me up) and i told him “oh, just all these years calling me a fag and acting like dick was really just him wanting dick”. my mom told me to cut it out and i just shrugged and went on about my day. i heard later that i started a huge argument with him and his boyfriend and i finally feel vindicated by the years of torment. my parents, though tell me that i blew everything out of proportion and ruined his birthday dinner which was supposed to be a fun time with everyone because of some “childhood teasing”. i told her that she always took his side and that if i always tried to convince everyone that my gay brother was straight, i’d be a huge asshole, but for some reason, when he did it, it’s okay? we argued back and forth and it eventually came to a halt. i’m just annoyed how everyone is against me. i feel like they always took their side back then and now they’re taking his side again. did i overreact? aita? [/INST] esh he's an asshole for being an asshole for all those years - you have every right to confront him. but you're a major asshole for doing it during his birthday dinner in front of everyone. </s>
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AITA for not thinking the joke my family played on my GF was a big deal?
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i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though.
we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left.
i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it.
i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day.
we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here?
| 17,186
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkbm2a/aita_for_not_thinking_the_joke_my_family_played/
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2020-12-26 03:24:26
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yta
massive yta
you might think your gf is beautiful, but i guarantee you that when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see beauty, she sees a defacing scar. and you allow, and support your family in making that the identifying feature of how they see her.
by allowing your family to treat her that way, she is no longer 'your beautiful girlfriend', she is 'that freak with the scar that he brought over'.
a joke is not a joke if the subject of it is not laughing.
you are such an ah, i want to really smack you over the head with this fact.
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you and your family are the assholes here. 100%.
also, screen printed shirts? they really invested money into bullying her and you think that’s cute or something?
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yta. you, your sister, and your parents are most certainly, without question, beyond the shadow of any reasonable doubt a whole entire family of major league assholes.
ninety-nine times out of ten, expressions like "i just have a dark sense of humour," "that's just the way i am," or "relax it's just a joke" are just cop-outs for being rude, selfish, arrogant, condescending, and/or just generally *mean* to other people without accepting responsibility for the repercussions of your actions. by employing these phrases when your actions upset someone you're proving that you have absolutely zero regard for their thoughts or feelings.
you can tell us that your family meant no harm and that they were just being funny until you're blue in the face... but when you get right down to it the "humour" being employed was at the expense of someone who has expressed discomfort with in the past and that you have failed spectacularly to listen to. because your "sense of humour" is more important to you than the feelings of the person you're subjecting to your humour.
you're a family of bullies, plain and simple. your sister and your mother teamed up to bully your girlfriend at christmas. they've bullied her previously as well, and you're continuing to defend and enable their behaviour. and to top it all off you're trying to convince her that *she's* the one in the wrong here.
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[deleted]
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wait, back up a second. are you actually saying that your mother spent money to put something you know they make fun of her for on an ugly sweater and can't figure out why she got upset and actually think she's overreacting?
let's break it down for you then. they make fun of her appearance, which you seem to think is acceptable with how you talk about it. it's not acceptable it doesn't matter if you hide behind the dark sense of humor defense, it's not ok.
you badger her to go to christmas when she clearly didn't want to go, and when she did, sure enough, your family just couldn't help themselves. the "joke" was them putting her face on their ugly sweaters, think about it for a second, why is the sweater called an ugly sweater? because it has something you deem ugly or tacky on it. they put her face all over it. that isn't a joke, and i genuinely don't understand how you think it is.
then instead of coming to her defense, you laughed too. no, she didn't ruin the whole day, your family ruined the day.
it wasn't a joke, it was bullying. just because you didn't realize they were going to do that doesn't give you an excuse for not standing up for her, and saying sorry you were offended isn't an apology!
you and your family **yta!**
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i don’t get the joke. explain it to me please? what makes it funny?
ps: yta.
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yta
your presumptions are all flawed from the start. it's a fallacy to think that a joke *can't possibly* make you an asshole. it most certainly can, and it has made your whole family (besides for your cousin) gaping wide assholes.
to start, as soon as your girlfriend expressed discomfort with their nasty insults and "jokes," you should've told your family that she does not share their horrible "sense of humor," so please don't comment on her appearance or her scar.
>that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times.
how dare you. you have no right to be pissed off. your girlfriend expressed a boundary, you agreed to it, you failed to communicate and enforce it, you failed to take her side or defend her. she merely enforced her boundary that you agreed to, and in a perfectly reasonable way.
>my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it.
your sister is a schoolyard bully and her judgment is obviously flawed. she also thought making a mocking sweater of someone else was a good idea. in short, she's a shitty character reference.
>she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly.
your gf is 100% correct on all counts.
>i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting.
she did not overreact. she reacted. to a mean-spirited pattern of disrespect and humiliation that you approve of.
>i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke
apologizing for someone's feelings is a hugely basic failure, implying that their feelings are wrong. every time a celebrity pulls this bs, they get called out across the internet. how could you even think this was going to be accepted?
her feelings are valid and justified. you should be sorry not that she was offended, but that you and your family offended her. get it? you don't get to apologize for her feelings. you get to apologize for causing those feelings. you apologize for your own actions and behaviors.
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yta and so is your family, if this isn’t a troll post. i hope she dumps you.
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yta. hey, dude. let me teach you a little something about comedy:
three things every comedian knows.
1. know your audience. don’t make holocaust jokes around jewish people. most of them probably won’t find it very funny.
2. keep jokes personal to your life. make jokes based on *your experiences*, because a mistranslation in intent when making a joke to another person can turn it from funny in your head to “i really want to fucking murder you at the moment” in the other person’s.
3. if the joke is more offensive than it is funny, it’s not fucking funny.
your family put your girlfriends face on an *ugly sweater*, so called because it is with the intent of being ugly, and this is repeat behavior your girlfriend told you she is not comfortable with... and you expect her to just let it slide?
it’s not even a joke at that point. it’s targeted, intentional harassment.
have fun jacking off next year buddy. yt motherfucking a.
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yta - **she didn’t even want to go with you** but went anyways under the condition and promise that you would stand up for her if your family treated her poorly like they have before. the amount of planning and effort it took for your mom and sister to make these sweaters shows that it is clearly not a joke - it’s targeted harassment. they are being abusive and you’re not only making her endure it but also insisting she put on a brave face because “it’s just a joke”.
i’m assuming the reason you can’t see how abusive this all is is because your family has normalized this kind of batshit crazy behaviour. however, regardless, you have chosen “jokes” over the comfort and happiness of your girlfriend. for her sake i hope that she leaves you because you and your family are horrible.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though. we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left. i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it. i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day. we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though. we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left. i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it. i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day. we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here? [/INST] yta massive yta you might think your gf is beautiful, but i guarantee you that when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see beauty, she sees a defacing scar. and you allow, and support your family in making that the identifying feature of how they see her. by allowing your family to treat her that way, she is no longer 'your beautiful girlfriend', she is 'that freak with the scar that he brought over'. a joke is not a joke if the subject of it is not laughing. you are such an ah, i want to really smack you over the head with this fact. </s>
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AITA for refusing to name our daughter Karen?
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my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.
| 24,237
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfdbk3/aita_for_refusing_to_name_our_daughter_karen/
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2020-10-21 13:58:40
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nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life.
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i personally feel like the "karen" thing will die off one day, and our childrens' generation will likely not know anything about it. however, i can see where you would still be adamant about not wanting to name her that. there is a bit of a stigma around that name today. i think you guys should take a different route in name picking and just steer clear of tribute naming. good luck!!! nta
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nta. give her 2 middle names and pick a completely new first name? or if there is a way to combine your mom's name and her mom's name to create a new name, that might be cool. orrrrr, maybe you could suggest something like corinne (could be spelled different ways like korrine or karyn - this is my middle name and it's spelled caryn) or carley (karlie, karley) or ren? then it's kinda still got some of her mom's name in it to honor her, but also gives your daugther her own name, too.
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nta. i get where you are coming from. we did the same thing except we used my mom's middle name as her first name. that way we knew it was a tribute to my mom but no one else needed to know. this was also long before the karen meme started. another reason we chose the middle name is we felt it would be weird and a little uncomfortable for me to have to discipline my child (which thankfully didn't happen often) and use my mom's name at the same time.
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nah. you both have good reasons, you suggested a compromise and you've discussed veto power. i think the only solution you can find is to convince her to accept other suggestions and find something else you both agree on.
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nah but you're being quite silly, mate. memes don't live 20 years.
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your baby will thank you for not naming her karen. nta.
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nah. i have come around to really hating the name memes. i have used "karen" as an insult a few times, but i regret it now. it sucks because real people have that name and it's really not fair to them. it's not like there's anything inherently bad about the name karen. it's actually a pretty name beyond that context. all that to say, i understand where your wife is coming from and i do think the meme thing is likely to die off by the time your daughter is of an age to be bullied by it. plus, there are a ton of people named karen who go about living their lives with this name and no problems.
however, i also understand where you're coming from. you don't want to put an unnecessary burden on your daughter. i also think the fact that your chosen name now gets priority might have something to do with your wife's resentment. why don't you sit down together and come up with a mutually agreed upon alternative. maybe even a variation of the name like "kara".
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leaning towards esh, in that you're using the karen thing to "win" the competition of whose mother gets to be the namesake. it's clear to see why your wife would feel slighted when you would get your way thanks to a random passing fad. use them both as middle names and pick something else as a first name.
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yta the karen meme needs to die a quick death and karen as a name is an extremely normal name. dislike it away and use your veto, but you need to stop calling her mothers name a meme. that’s just mean to your wife.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.167705
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen. [/INST] nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life. </s>
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AITA for not letting my brother and SIL see my daughter after they threw away her medicine
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i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday.
i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid.
they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month.
a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes.
i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin.
then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu.
they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting.
i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised.
i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead.
now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her.
aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil
| 24,175
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r0ltvz/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_and_sil_see_my/
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2021-11-23 20:02:02
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nta. your brother and sil are sabotaging your recovery and relationship with your child. i wouldn't be surprised to see then talk negatively about you and your history as she gets older. you may need some distance to feel safer and have the mental capacity to deal with them.
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nta. they aren’t worried about emma, they are trying to sabotage your parenting efforts so they can regain custody of your daughter. it was lovely that they gave her a safe place to be when it was needed, but you’ve earned your daughter and deserve to be her mother without these people treating you this way.
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nta ... my so works for cps and i just read this to him. he said you should absolutely report this to your social worker. they put your daughter in danger by throwing away her meds and it needs to be documented since they keep calling cps on you.
congratulations on your sobriety!
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nta
you need to stand your ground here. they are constantly putting you in danger of losing your child by calling cps on you. they threw away prescribed medication. they are acting as if emma is their daughter and undermining your decisions as a parent. they need to be cut out of your and emma’s life immediately.
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nta
> i try to take her to see them a couple times a month.
#stop.
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nta
you regained custody. they threw away opened bottles of medication because they were afraid even though you could give the child anything, at any point?
i am sure you appreciated them getting temporary custody when it was needed but she is back in your custody now.
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nta
your brother and sil weren't worried about emma they still think that they are emma's guardians and they feel that she needs protection from you and that they know your child so much better.
they need a reality check, and they get a time out.
but you need to prepare for continued cps visits, and they will send minions in the form of family members saying that they were only concerned and worried and only want the best for emma. send the message back that they blew it, and you aren't comfortable having emma around them anymore.
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nta but a bit naïve to leave your child with people who relentlessly call cps on you...?
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nta. the medications were prescribed by a doctor. they do not have medical knowledge sufficient to overrule a licensed professional, and should not have thrown it away. a fever can be very dangerous to a child if not brought down, and dehydration is an issue in children with the flu who might not be aware enough to know they need a drink.
their actions were not in your daughter's best interests and seemed more about being anti you than pro her. they endangered her to prove you wrong, and i don't blame you for keeping her away from them.
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nta. i understand that they were her guardians for a while and it might be difficult for them to accept that you are the parent and your decisions are now the ones that matter. that being said, what they did was completely inappropriate and uncalled for. i agree that they will continue to disrespect your decisions and should not be left alone with your child. their actions created these consequences, so they can deal with them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday. i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid. they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes. i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin. then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu. they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting. i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised. i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead. now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her. aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday. i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid. they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes. i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin. then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu. they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting. i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised. i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead. now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her. aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil [/INST] nta. your brother and sil are sabotaging your recovery and relationship with your child. i wouldn't be surprised to see then talk negatively about you and your history as she gets older. you may need some distance to feel safer and have the mental capacity to deal with them. </s>
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AITA for reporting my teacher over a very uncomfortable joke?
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i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny.
last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't.
it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted.
so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started.
now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first.
aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
| 26,038
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwh6qk/aita_for_reporting_my_teacher_over_a_very/
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2020-06-04 13:12:38
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nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble.
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nta. this isn't a joke, this is sexual harassment. please report him.
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nta
an uncomfortable joke would be this: the teacher watching you knead some dough and then saying “i think your buns are going to be beautiful,” realising what he’s said, laughing and then apologising for laughing. that’s an uncomfortable joke.
showing you hardcore porn is so far past an uncomfortable joke that they’re not even in the same league. see that very fuzzy dark thing in the distance? that’s the line he crossed. this is outright harassment and he should be fired for it.
your teacher isn’t an asshole. he’s a criminal. this is a crime.
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nta. he's been testing the females all year if he's been making sexual jokes. it's grooming behavior, trying to make himself seem less threatening (it's just a "joke"). he absolutely knows better. and reporting him was the right thing to do.
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nta. sexual abusers “laugh off” their actions as “jokes”, make you feel like you’re the one who over-reacted, and continue this behavior over and over.
the saddest part of this is his pattern of behavior is probably long-standing, and even if they investigate and fire him, he probably won’t face criminal charges of any kind, so he will continue the behavior someplace else.
never, ever just accept that someone is “weird” or awkward if you feel uncomfortable with their behavior. you don’t have to be polite to keep from hurting their feelings. it’s not a requirement that you put yourself in harm’s way to keep someone else from feeling bad about their actions.
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nta. i tensed up reading your experience that day. jeez, for a teacher to think that that's appropriate even in the slightest makes me sick.
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nta. this isn't a joke. this is way over the line into sexual harassment.
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this is classic grooming. put a toe over the line, then another one, pretend it's just a joke. when nothing happens step right over the line.
i assume he knows you're autistic? if he does he's probably calculating that you won't be believed, or won't understand what he's doing, which shows his ignorance.
your friend is quite correct to go to his boss or higher. the institution can't afford to ignore what he's doing.
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nta. he's not getting in trouble because of you, but because of his actions. if he gets fired, it wouldn't be because of you but because the school deemed that his conduct is unacceptable and is so out of line he doesn't even deserve a second chance. if that's the case, they won't fire him on your words alone, but because the investigation will show how awfully he has acted in the past.
he's behavior was appalling, totally out of bounds. i guess there's a possibility he didn't realize how unprofessional and inappropriate he has been acting, but it's way more likely he's consciously taking advantage of the fact that you're his students to "joke" in that way. he's getting a kick out of it, and has probably done to others before.
he deserves to be fired, you deserve to have a teacher who won't think of porn while teaching you, as do all the other female students. if you still struggle with this incident or the impact you reporting might have on him, please seek help for this, you don't deserve to suffer more because of this vile man.
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nta! that's beyond disgusting & i'm so sorry that happened to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke? [/INST] nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble. </s>
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AITA for calling my pregnant cousin a breeder?
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okay so a little context, i’m 23 in a serious relationship and have a whole host of medical issues. i’ve never wanted a kid, even at age 5 i found the idea of baby dolls etc just ugh. this idea evolved and changed as i did and eventually developed into where i am now which is even if i wanted one having one with my medical issues would just be dumb and dangerous for everyone involved.
my cousin is the eldest of us all and has always been a family woman (honest to god i see nothing wrong with that, it’s just not for me) she’s happily married and is expecting her first. and so the family has gone into a bit of a baby craze.
i live quite far so i’ve avoided most of the madness, but i went to see them all last weekend with a knitted blanket i’d made for her as a gift. this started the comments: “you’re obviously very mummsie think of what you could make for your own” “you’d be a great mum” “it’s what you were born to do” “oh your opinion will change when you’re older”
to all of this i just laughed and made jokes just trying to get past the awkward but it’s a full 4 hours of these little gripes till my cousin says: “honestly [my name] you’re so stubborn, believe me in a few years all your “opinions” will change then that job of yours won’t matter. i just hope it’s not to late and you don’t end up alone and bitter. honestly having a kid is the best thing a woman can do and nothing can compare”
this really angered me so i (somewhat tipsy and just kinda very done) snapped back “well sorry i have more ambition than being a breeder, have fun with a wrecked vagina” she broke down crying and that pretty much put an end to the family gathering.
i feel horrid about it all and i really didn’t mean it. she’s always wanted a family and i’m so happy for her but i’ve felt like i’ve always respected her choices and she’s never respected mine and it kinda popped at the worst moment. i really want to say sorry but she’s now posting these really pathetic and snide fb posts and i really am just kinda tired.
small note: my cousin and that side of the family knows about my medical conditions, i even brought them up to point out how unsafe it would be. but they still continued. i know that doesn’t excuse what i did but i hope it explains why i got so angry.
tdlr: at a family gathering and got crap for not wanting children, i snapped at my pregnant cousin and now she’s posting all of this stuff on fb and i just want the whole ordeal to be over.
| 2,980
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/airp2b/aita_for_calling_my_pregnant_cousin_a_breeder/
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2019-01-22 21:19:36
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esh. your cousin was an asshole for pushing you, not respecting your choices, and refusing to drop it. but you were totally an asshole for the breeder and wrecked vagina comments.
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yta
and i say this as someone who is also childfree and spends a fair amount of time on r/childfree.
you crossed a line.
you will have conversations like this one multiple times in your life. with family, friends, bosses, doctors, in-laws, etc. you need to find a way to navigate them without losing your cool.
the "wrecked vagina" comment was sexist and degrading (and not entirely accurate!). to make matters worse, you said it at a time when she's probably at her most anxious about the changes her body is going through.
but you didn't just hurt her. you hurt every woman who heard your comment and has had insecurities about their post-pregnancy body. you also perpetuated the very sexist idea that women are ruined or irreparably changed after pregnancy.
that's why resorting to sexist language even when antagonized (and she *was* antagonizing you) is never a good strategy; you just perpetuate ideas that hurt all women.
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esh
your family should back off, already. they need to respect your body and the choices you make, not to mention your health. you might should take a harsher tone when addressing the comments or simply walk away if they keep going after you've told them "no", so they get a clear idea that the topic is off-limits.
that doesn't excuse personal attacks on someone, though. yes, your cousin's comments were ignorant and obnoxious, but yours were intended to hurt and insult her.
|
nta
don't write a check you can't cash. she came at you so her weak ass shouldn't throw stones in a glass house. hope her kids don't inherent her thin skin lol.
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yta.
firstly, i find it very hard to believe that your whole family was on your ass for 4 hours about having a kid. especially since you're only 23, and since you have a lot of health problems as you say.
secondly, even if that did happen, you "laughed it off". you never showed that you were bothered nor did you ever tell them to stop.
your cousin made a comment based on her joy. what she feels right now is happiness and she is basically trying to tell you to keep an open mind about kids. yeah she did it in a shitty way (asshole too), but you went way overboard.
how could you call any woman a "breeder"? what a fucking derogatory term to use. and then to tell her that she will have a wrecked vagina? way to go for making every woman who has had kids feel like shit about their bodies, and for probably scaring your cousin during this highly hormonal time.
asshole move of epic proportions, and all this because you chose to just "laugh it off" instead of asking them to stop.
|
nta and sort of esh...
nta in that its okay to stand firm that you don’t want kids, and it’s really shitty how people bully people. after i had my daughter i lost the ability to have more bio children, and i was constantly asked when i was having another and had to brush it off of explain my medical predicaments. it’s a very unfair position to put someone in.
but...
you were a bit rude. and understandably you snapped.
you said you wanted to apologize and the longer you leave it the more snide remarks you’ll see. the apology can come with a “i respect your choices and hope you can learn to respect mine also.”
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esh. jesus christ, talk about going nuclear. probably due to the fact you spent 4 hours laughing off their comments instead of calling them out on it. hopefully this was a lesson for you in maturity.
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nta. wasn’t the most classy thing, but her making comments about how a woman’s sole purpose in society is to have kids and be a mom is ridiculous. her going on and on was just as rude as you calling her a breeder, but she took the first shot. she shouldn’t dish out what she can’t take.
your medical condition isn’t even relevant. you don’t have to want kids. but then knowing about the condition makes it worse. what if you truly wanted kids but weren’t able to because of your medical condition? would they still be making these comments?
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esh. damn! went for the jugular! her comments were obviously wrong but so was your response.
as a side note - she's never going to forget that for the rest of her life.
|
"i've always respected her choices"
"have fun with a wrecked vagina!"
|
ESH
|
YTA
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ESH
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NTA
|
YTA
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NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.639132
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so a little context, i’m 23 in a serious relationship and have a whole host of medical issues. i’ve never wanted a kid, even at age 5 i found the idea of baby dolls etc just ugh. this idea evolved and changed as i did and eventually developed into where i am now which is even if i wanted one having one with my medical issues would just be dumb and dangerous for everyone involved. my cousin is the eldest of us all and has always been a family woman (honest to god i see nothing wrong with that, it’s just not for me) she’s happily married and is expecting her first. and so the family has gone into a bit of a baby craze. i live quite far so i’ve avoided most of the madness, but i went to see them all last weekend with a knitted blanket i’d made for her as a gift. this started the comments: “you’re obviously very mummsie think of what you could make for your own” “you’d be a great mum” “it’s what you were born to do” “oh your opinion will change when you’re older” to all of this i just laughed and made jokes just trying to get past the awkward but it’s a full 4 hours of these little gripes till my cousin says: “honestly [my name] you’re so stubborn, believe me in a few years all your “opinions” will change then that job of yours won’t matter. i just hope it’s not to late and you don’t end up alone and bitter. honestly having a kid is the best thing a woman can do and nothing can compare” this really angered me so i (somewhat tipsy and just kinda very done) snapped back “well sorry i have more ambition than being a breeder, have fun with a wrecked vagina” she broke down crying and that pretty much put an end to the family gathering. i feel horrid about it all and i really didn’t mean it. she’s always wanted a family and i’m so happy for her but i’ve felt like i’ve always respected her choices and she’s never respected mine and it kinda popped at the worst moment. i really want to say sorry but she’s now posting these really pathetic and snide fb posts and i really am just kinda tired. small note: my cousin and that side of the family knows about my medical conditions, i even brought them up to point out how unsafe it would be. but they still continued. i know that doesn’t excuse what i did but i hope it explains why i got so angry. tdlr: at a family gathering and got crap for not wanting children, i snapped at my pregnant cousin and now she’s posting all of this stuff on fb and i just want the whole ordeal to be over.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so a little context, i’m 23 in a serious relationship and have a whole host of medical issues. i’ve never wanted a kid, even at age 5 i found the idea of baby dolls etc just ugh. this idea evolved and changed as i did and eventually developed into where i am now which is even if i wanted one having one with my medical issues would just be dumb and dangerous for everyone involved. my cousin is the eldest of us all and has always been a family woman (honest to god i see nothing wrong with that, it’s just not for me) she’s happily married and is expecting her first. and so the family has gone into a bit of a baby craze. i live quite far so i’ve avoided most of the madness, but i went to see them all last weekend with a knitted blanket i’d made for her as a gift. this started the comments: “you’re obviously very mummsie think of what you could make for your own” “you’d be a great mum” “it’s what you were born to do” “oh your opinion will change when you’re older” to all of this i just laughed and made jokes just trying to get past the awkward but it’s a full 4 hours of these little gripes till my cousin says: “honestly [my name] you’re so stubborn, believe me in a few years all your “opinions” will change then that job of yours won’t matter. i just hope it’s not to late and you don’t end up alone and bitter. honestly having a kid is the best thing a woman can do and nothing can compare” this really angered me so i (somewhat tipsy and just kinda very done) snapped back “well sorry i have more ambition than being a breeder, have fun with a wrecked vagina” she broke down crying and that pretty much put an end to the family gathering. i feel horrid about it all and i really didn’t mean it. she’s always wanted a family and i’m so happy for her but i’ve felt like i’ve always respected her choices and she’s never respected mine and it kinda popped at the worst moment. i really want to say sorry but she’s now posting these really pathetic and snide fb posts and i really am just kinda tired. small note: my cousin and that side of the family knows about my medical conditions, i even brought them up to point out how unsafe it would be. but they still continued. i know that doesn’t excuse what i did but i hope it explains why i got so angry. tdlr: at a family gathering and got crap for not wanting children, i snapped at my pregnant cousin and now she’s posting all of this stuff on fb and i just want the whole ordeal to be over. [/INST] esh. your cousin was an asshole for pushing you, not respecting your choices, and refusing to drop it. but you were totally an asshole for the breeder and wrecked vagina comments. </s>
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AITA for walking out of an “intervention”?
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i might be a little righteous but i hate cheaters. i just lose all respect once i know someone had an affair. my fil left mil for his twenty something year younger mistress four years ago, and as a result he has limited time with my kids. i want to raise good people and i just don’t trust his judgment.
my mil and i have a complicated relationship but i do let her see the kids whenever she wants. she is a great grandma though i’ve been avoiding her since she sued us. mil texted the other day that she wanted to go to lunch and talk. i was open to it because honestly she was in the right and we did owe her money. i wish she didn’t take us to court but it is what it is.
when i got there fil and his wife were there. mil started berating me for being righteous and tearing the family apart and depriving fil of his son and grandchildren. she said i have no idea what happened or that she cheated first and broke his heart. the she kissed his wife on the lips, it was non sexual but still wtf, and said see i accept her so you should to.
fil started demanding for me to admit they were right and i didn’t know what to say so i just walked out. dh says i should have at least explained myself and had an open conversation.
| 2,356
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ictk2z/aita_for_walking_out_of_an_intervention/
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2020-08-19 18:39:58
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esh - if someone ambushes you, you owe them nothing. mil should have written you a letter or email explaining the circumstances, not that she owed you any, but if she wanted to advocate for your fil so he could see his grandkids, that was the way to go.
and why is cheating worse than refusing to pay money back? both are bad, but you are depriving your fil time with his grandkids as punishment, but you don't see taking money and not paying back as a similarly bad thing. you seem very judgemental for someone who had to be sued into doing the right thing. as long as your fil has treated your kids well in the past, you should let him see his grandkids.
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info: why did your mil sue you? how much money did you owe/what was the context?
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nta. that wasn’t an intervention. that was an emotional ambush.
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>aita for walking out of an “intervention”?
i think more importantly, the question should have been "should i accept that my in-laws' relationship is none of my business?"
because if you want to teach your children not to cheat in a relationship, you can do that by your own example and by discussions. same with teaching them to pay back people you owe money to before they feel so cheated that they sue you.
>mil started berating me for being righteous and tearing the family apart and depriving fil of his son and grandchildren.
this part i don't get. why is it your fault that your husband stopped his relationship with his father? he's a grown man who can make up his own mind.
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yta for not being totally honest with your story here. it's not clear why there was an intervention at all. money? grandkids? those aren't reasons to have interventions. who's the addict here? what is your fil trying to be "right" about?
nothing about this makes sense.
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yta
holy drama avocado. you seem to be all into control and drama games.
for one, you are hurting your kids by depriving them a relationship with their grandparents. it appears you don't give a fig about it though, because to you it's more important to pass on judgements on other people's private lives. not to mention -- it seems like you borrowed a significant amount of money from your mil and refused to pay back, and then get upset when she sued you for it.
so you are taking advantage of your in-laws, and you are rude and judgemental and are happy to hurt your kids in the process. yta.
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esh.
i totally get not raising your kids around people with poor judgement. when it comes raising kids you have to make a lot of judgement/calls and someone with poor judgement can totally mess up your kids. plus the mil kissing the mistress seems very odd to me. like something maybe going on behind the scenes?
however, it does not look like you have good judgement calls either. how much money do you owe to your mil? why did she take y'all to court?
i feel this post needs some more info before i make a final call.
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info:
>she cheated first and broke his heart.
...so with this new info, have you now "lost all respect for her"? do you now "question her judgement"? has she now lost access to her grandkids due to her poor moral character?
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esh — *mess.*
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yta. who someone sleeps with has zero to do with their ability to be a good grandparent. you stuck your nose where it didn't belong, and ended up making yourself look dumb. and you are talking about not letting your kids be around someone who basically does things you don't agree with...and then in the next breath admit that you owed them a debt you didn't pay? self righteous much? not paying what you owe (especially to family) isn't exactly moral, now is it?
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.229165
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i might be a little righteous but i hate cheaters. i just lose all respect once i know someone had an affair. my fil left mil for his twenty something year younger mistress four years ago, and as a result he has limited time with my kids. i want to raise good people and i just don’t trust his judgment. my mil and i have a complicated relationship but i do let her see the kids whenever she wants. she is a great grandma though i’ve been avoiding her since she sued us. mil texted the other day that she wanted to go to lunch and talk. i was open to it because honestly she was in the right and we did owe her money. i wish she didn’t take us to court but it is what it is. when i got there fil and his wife were there. mil started berating me for being righteous and tearing the family apart and depriving fil of his son and grandchildren. she said i have no idea what happened or that she cheated first and broke his heart. the she kissed his wife on the lips, it was non sexual but still wtf, and said see i accept her so you should to. fil started demanding for me to admit they were right and i didn’t know what to say so i just walked out. dh says i should have at least explained myself and had an open conversation.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i might be a little righteous but i hate cheaters. i just lose all respect once i know someone had an affair. my fil left mil for his twenty something year younger mistress four years ago, and as a result he has limited time with my kids. i want to raise good people and i just don’t trust his judgment. my mil and i have a complicated relationship but i do let her see the kids whenever she wants. she is a great grandma though i’ve been avoiding her since she sued us. mil texted the other day that she wanted to go to lunch and talk. i was open to it because honestly she was in the right and we did owe her money. i wish she didn’t take us to court but it is what it is. when i got there fil and his wife were there. mil started berating me for being righteous and tearing the family apart and depriving fil of his son and grandchildren. she said i have no idea what happened or that she cheated first and broke his heart. the she kissed his wife on the lips, it was non sexual but still wtf, and said see i accept her so you should to. fil started demanding for me to admit they were right and i didn’t know what to say so i just walked out. dh says i should have at least explained myself and had an open conversation. [/INST] esh - if someone ambushes you, you owe them nothing. mil should have written you a letter or email explaining the circumstances, not that she owed you any, but if she wanted to advocate for your fil so he could see his grandkids, that was the way to go. and why is cheating worse than refusing to pay money back? both are bad, but you are depriving your fil time with his grandkids as punishment, but you don't see taking money and not paying back as a similarly bad thing. you seem very judgemental for someone who had to be sued into doing the right thing. as long as your fil has treated your kids well in the past, you should let him see his grandkids. </s>
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AITA For telling my wife and family I have accepted my fate and will not have any more chemo and that I want to travel instead?
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im a 36 year old man with acute myeloid leukemia. the initial chemo put it into remission, but its now come back and its not stopping.
i have been on my second run of chemo for two years, and there has been little to no improvement. just delaying the inevitable. most people with leukemia die after 5 years. mine is even worse.
i feel sick everyday. i used to lift regularly and now all my muscles are basically gone with excess grandma skin on my arms and legs.
i lost so much hair at the top of my head i just started shaving it off.
i cant have sex with my wife anymore, when i try i cant maintain erections. i have pissed myself multiple times over the years in my sleep. i cant eat steaks anymore because of my stomach.
i cant play with my daughters and everytime i go to one of their soccer matches i get weird looks and take all the attention off of them.
i just dont have any fight left anymore. i repeat to myself everyday, "its over, and thats ok".
the truth is i haven't accomplished much in my life. i wanted to be a writer when i was younger but i ended up as an office manager at a car dealership. i always said i would do it later but then the years sort of piled on. i had one life and i wasted it, but so do most people i guess.
i am proud of my wife and daughters. they make me very happy. they haven't accepted that its over yet but i have. my wife means well but she wants me to stay in treatment long enough to put it back into remission again. i dont see it. i just think we need to come to terms with this.
i do not just want to lay in bed all day. i want to travel for these years i have left. see the country. maybe go to italy or japan or the uk. i want to experience this planet in ways i never thought about before.
i told my wife this and she says im being selfish and im giving up. i dont see it that way, i feel more alive now than ive felt in a long time. i feel like i have no fear of trying scary things or writing a book or travelling to a jungle.
ive spent so many years wasted. she says she wont stick by me if i do this. aita?
| 11,709
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ak82eh/aita_for_telling_my_wife_and_family_i_have/
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2019-01-27 02:44:38
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nah. i'm sorry to hear this. it's ok to give up if you want to, and it's ok to do what you want with your life. but it's also ok for her to not want to stick around and watch that. it's reasonable for her to feel that as a parent you have the responsibility to raise your daughter with her til adulthood, and that you're giving up on it even if it gives them grief. you're all entitled to your feelings and no one is an asshole for them.
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ywbta if you spend your family's nest egg on travelling. if you can afford it, then nta
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nah.
this is a tough one, but i get where both you and your wife are coming from. although i definitely believe in pushing to get better, i know how tough being on chemo is. i don’t think it’s selfish for you to want to travel and write and do all the things you hadn’t gotten the chance to before. express it to your wife, acknowledge everything that you did in this post, and do what you feel is best. i’m incredibly sorry you’ve been going through so much, but i wish you the best.
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info how is your family, money-wise? is there enough money to fund your travel and cover funeral expenses, not to mention body transport if you die somewhere far away? will your wife go with you, will the girls go with you, or will she be left tending grieving anxious sad kids while you're traveling?
i understand not wanting treatment and you're nah for making that decision. it's the travel plans that give me pause.
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nah
you want to enjoy your last days, not fighting a losing battle that keeps you from doing everything you love. that's okay. she is just grieving and angry because she will miss you - she will come to terms with this. i wish you the best in your remaining days.
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imma go against the grain here yta.
you aren't your own person anymore. you are quitting and choosing to leave you wife and daughter behind ignoring what they went and are going through because after you're dead you won't have to pick up the pieces and keep going. if you're in the us you might even be costing your family you life insurance based on what policy you have. it's your perogitave to do this if you want but it's 100% a selfish decision to leave you wife and kid with no hope.
*edit *
i want to elaborate that i have had a life insurance policy provided by my employer that only covers me if i die in the usa or in work. most personal life insurance policies dont have that issue. i'm not saying that refusing treatment would violate terms in life insurance. sorry bout the confusion.
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nah because it is your life. you are the one who has to die young, you are the one who has to squeeze as much into your short time as you can. your wife desperately wants to prolong the inevitable. i understand that, too.
my brother died of brain cancer when he was younger than you are now. he spent 1/3 of his life undergoing treatments. he always believed he would be okay in the end. he couldn't die so young, surely. he put up this very brave face. it was exhausting.
he once wrote in his blog something that has really stuck with me: "even heroes have the right to bleed."
you have to do what is right for you.
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i’m so not going to advise here because it is truly such a personal decision. i’ll tell you a (sorry, long) bit about my situation though.
i’ve had cancer three times. the first one was lymphoma when i was 19. i had <5% chance of surviving. i was young and stupid and chemo sucked but was doable. i was too arrogant to die.
the second was in 2013 (i was 42 at the time). cervical cancer which led to a radical hysterectomy. no chemo necessary, however we had been trying for years to have a baby and it obviously was a firm no after that. we were very sad.
one year ago (46yo), i was diagnosed with cancer number three: mesothelioma, which is considered pretty much a death sentence. it’s the cancer you see all those cheesy commercials for even though only about 2k ppl in the us get it every year. it’s brought on by asbestos exposure. usually found in men 75+yo, who have worked in shipbuilding or insulation-filling. no idea how i managed to get it.
i had my surgeon at my bedside crying. the pulmonologist came in and got teary. my oncologist wasn’t sure what to do. they all said i’d be lucky to live another year or 18 months, if i could handle the extraordinary pain that accompanies it.
fuck. that. i went through a month of “cancer again? i can’t do it. i just can’t. maybe i should just get it over with now so my family and friends don’t have to see me degenerate. just end it and let everyone else get on with their lives already..”
but slowly, my husband convinced me that every single minute i spent with him - no matter if we could have adventures or go out to dinner or travel or just be normal or not - was another minute he got to have together and that’s all he cared about. every moment extra, he would be thankful for.
so we did it. we researched all across the us. found a surgeon, found some experimental trials with the nih, had proton therapy, had chemo, puked myself, shit myself, couldn’t bathe myself, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, had nosebleeds so badly that we ended up having to pay for them to repaint the place we were staying in, had days where i shivered so much because of fever that my husband had to just lay there and hold me tight so i could get even a few minutes of rest, had days where i couldn’t stand up without collapsing and the fear of bleeding to death internally. but we did every minute of it together. you know what? we never stopped laughing for very long (especially during cleanup!) those are some of the most special moments i will ever have with him.
we don’t know if i’m in remission yet because my lung is super inflamed and inflammation presents the same visual on a pet scan as the mesothelioma would. i’m still super weak, though i can get out occasionally.
it blows dude. sucks hard. it’s miserable and unfair and just fucking shitty. so i can’t tell you what i think you should do. it’s your path, your pain, your challenge. but i will say that i really really hope you don’t give up. every minute your wife and kids get to spend with you is another minute for them to remember and for you to love them and them to love you.
i’ll be thinking about you and hoping you and your family can find some peace with whatever you decide. i’d love for you to keep us updated and if you ever, ever need to talk or bitch or cry or seethe at the shittiness of it all, please pm me.
you’re stronger than you think you are.
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info: according to your doctors, do you, (with chemo), have a hope of surviving?
/u/foxfireblackwater raised some good questions as well. how will your travels impact your family financially? will they get to travel with you? or does you travelling mean you'll spend the last years of your life away from them?
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nah, but let’s clear something up. you had one life, sure, but you didn’t waste it. you got married and had children. so what if you didn’t do something you wanted? if you could trade your wife and children for the experience of having written books, would you? if not, then clearly you didn’t waste your life, you just didn’t live it to your ideal full potential. but if you were able to raise children and provide for your family, that’s not wasting your life, that’s living it.
i’m sorry to hear about your condition. cancer is a bitch. i don’t think you’re an ass for wanting to travel. that sounds very normal to me. i also don’t think your wife is an ass for not wanting to see you give up.
however, even though i don’t think you’re an ass for wanting to travel, i still think you shouldn’t. if you spend your last few years traveling, your family loses you now. if you stay with them, then they get a few more years with you. you still get to be there helping your children with any problems they may face. you still get to be there raising them to the best of your ability in hopes that something you say or do will have a lasting impact on them and will make them better people.
if you leave now, you’re deciding that your impact on the world is already essentially done. if you stay, you can still leave more lasting impressions on the world through your children.
either way, it’s your choice and you aren’t an asshole for either one, but i know which choice i would choose, and it’s not the one you’re leaning towards.
|
NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
| null |
INFO
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NAH
| 0.533715
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: im a 36 year old man with acute myeloid leukemia. the initial chemo put it into remission, but its now come back and its not stopping. i have been on my second run of chemo for two years, and there has been little to no improvement. just delaying the inevitable. most people with leukemia die after 5 years. mine is even worse. i feel sick everyday. i used to lift regularly and now all my muscles are basically gone with excess grandma skin on my arms and legs. i lost so much hair at the top of my head i just started shaving it off. i cant have sex with my wife anymore, when i try i cant maintain erections. i have pissed myself multiple times over the years in my sleep. i cant eat steaks anymore because of my stomach. i cant play with my daughters and everytime i go to one of their soccer matches i get weird looks and take all the attention off of them. i just dont have any fight left anymore. i repeat to myself everyday, "its over, and thats ok". the truth is i haven't accomplished much in my life. i wanted to be a writer when i was younger but i ended up as an office manager at a car dealership. i always said i would do it later but then the years sort of piled on. i had one life and i wasted it, but so do most people i guess. i am proud of my wife and daughters. they make me very happy. they haven't accepted that its over yet but i have. my wife means well but she wants me to stay in treatment long enough to put it back into remission again. i dont see it. i just think we need to come to terms with this. i do not just want to lay in bed all day. i want to travel for these years i have left. see the country. maybe go to italy or japan or the uk. i want to experience this planet in ways i never thought about before. i told my wife this and she says im being selfish and im giving up. i dont see it that way, i feel more alive now than ive felt in a long time. i feel like i have no fear of trying scary things or writing a book or travelling to a jungle. ive spent so many years wasted. she says she wont stick by me if i do this. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
im a 36 year old man with acute myeloid leukemia. the initial chemo put it into remission, but its now come back and its not stopping. i have been on my second run of chemo for two years, and there has been little to no improvement. just delaying the inevitable. most people with leukemia die after 5 years. mine is even worse. i feel sick everyday. i used to lift regularly and now all my muscles are basically gone with excess grandma skin on my arms and legs. i lost so much hair at the top of my head i just started shaving it off. i cant have sex with my wife anymore, when i try i cant maintain erections. i have pissed myself multiple times over the years in my sleep. i cant eat steaks anymore because of my stomach. i cant play with my daughters and everytime i go to one of their soccer matches i get weird looks and take all the attention off of them. i just dont have any fight left anymore. i repeat to myself everyday, "its over, and thats ok". the truth is i haven't accomplished much in my life. i wanted to be a writer when i was younger but i ended up as an office manager at a car dealership. i always said i would do it later but then the years sort of piled on. i had one life and i wasted it, but so do most people i guess. i am proud of my wife and daughters. they make me very happy. they haven't accepted that its over yet but i have. my wife means well but she wants me to stay in treatment long enough to put it back into remission again. i dont see it. i just think we need to come to terms with this. i do not just want to lay in bed all day. i want to travel for these years i have left. see the country. maybe go to italy or japan or the uk. i want to experience this planet in ways i never thought about before. i told my wife this and she says im being selfish and im giving up. i dont see it that way, i feel more alive now than ive felt in a long time. i feel like i have no fear of trying scary things or writing a book or travelling to a jungle. ive spent so many years wasted. she says she wont stick by me if i do this. aita? [/INST] nah. i'm sorry to hear this. it's ok to give up if you want to, and it's ok to do what you want with your life. but it's also ok for her to not want to stick around and watch that. it's reasonable for her to feel that as a parent you have the responsibility to raise your daughter with her til adulthood, and that you're giving up on it even if it gives them grief. you're all entitled to your feelings and no one is an asshole for them. </s>
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AITA for intentionally ruining my BF's proposal?
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bf and i were at my father's wedding reception, and my entire family and dad's friends were there. bf been dropping hints all day about a surprise he had planned and he kept putting his hand in his trouser pocket, but when his hand was out of his pocket i saw something that could have very easily been a ring box. then at one point he took a deep breath, finished his drink, and started to stand up. i stood up with him, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into another room and said "if you're about to do what i think you're about to do, then don't tell me, just don't do it here and now." he said it was meant to be a surprise and i said this wasn't the place to surprise me.
he then showed me the ring and it's my (paternal) grandmother's engagement ring, which he couldn't have had without my dad giving it to him. he then told me that dad and my stepmum had already approved his plan of proposing tonight, but i'd sort of put him off proposing tonight as it was no longer a surprise and i'd explicitly told him not to literally seconds ago. i had no idea they'd approved it or i would have just let him get on with it, and i'd have said yes.
i feel like i fucked up here. did i?
&#x200b;
info for people asking: if given the choice between public and private proposal, i'd have asked for private, just because it would be more personal if it was just the 2 of us. also, if he had his heart set on a public proposal i'd have gone with it, but i would have wanted it literally anywhere but my father's wedding reception.
| 2,699
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvxr4l/aita_for_intentionally_ruining_my_bfs_proposal/
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2019-08-27 01:56:56
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nah you didn't know, and it's typically bad form to propose at someone else's wedding
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nah
it's cool that he got approval, but it really is sort of a strange thing to propose at someone else's wedding reception. you were being very thoughtful for picking up on the signs and trying to discretely save the evening.
i suspect this will all be put behind everyone as just a big comedy of errors. no harm no foul here.
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nah: i'd say your bf was the asshole if he was planning that without your father's consent (just because it's his wedding/special day, not for patriarchal reasons), but he wasn't. maybe he was kind of ta because public proposals are embarrassing as fuck, and i cringe putting myself in the proposee's place.
congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! i'm sure he'll find a perfect time and place to propose.
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nah. it's sweet what he was trying to do, but this is supposed to be a special memory for both of you, meaning both of you should be comfortable when it happens.
your family who was in on the plan, your boyfriend, these are all people who love you and presumably want to you be happy. it just so happens that, in this instance, your bf missed the mark. next time, knowing your preference, he can plan something that the two of you will remember fondly for the rest of your lives.
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nah. he cleared it beforehand,but you didn't know that and acted without that knowledge. you're both good and one small conversation should clear it all up.
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nta. and yes, i mean that he _is_ the asshole here. bc if he _was_ going to propose and had even gotten approval, then "got put off" bc you ruined the surprise (that he hinted at greatly) bc you didnt want him to possibly ruin your dads wedding then yeah hes being an asshole.
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nah because at least he got approval but i don't think you were the asshole for stopping him
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nah. have you guys talked about proposals at all? even if your dad and stepmom were cool with it, are you interested in being in public when proposed to, or would you have enjoyed being proposed to at someone else's wedding? it sucks that you ruined the surprise but it seems you were caught way off guard, maybe time to get on the same page.
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nah
that is your father and stepmothers time to shine, you were trying not to make it about you two. you had no clue that your they had okayed the plan. tell him you are sorry, why you stopped him and that you would’ve said yes.
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nah
people who propose or announce pregnancies or engagements at somebody's else's wedding occupy a special level of suck. so no, you definitely did not fuck up. and even if your dad and stepmum gave permission to bf to do this, it still does not mean he should do it. he shouldn't have asked them in the first place as it's such a big ask, and they may have assented because they felt like they had no choice. weddings are about the bride and groom, plain and simple.
as for your bf, i kind of give him a pass in even trying this on as young guys tend of think of weddings as family reunions in fancy dress. he may simply not understand wedding etiquette or...simple courtesy. but he'll learn fast enough once you guys start planning your own!
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.030375
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: bf and i were at my father's wedding reception, and my entire family and dad's friends were there. bf been dropping hints all day about a surprise he had planned and he kept putting his hand in his trouser pocket, but when his hand was out of his pocket i saw something that could have very easily been a ring box. then at one point he took a deep breath, finished his drink, and started to stand up. i stood up with him, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into another room and said "if you're about to do what i think you're about to do, then don't tell me, just don't do it here and now." he said it was meant to be a surprise and i said this wasn't the place to surprise me. he then showed me the ring and it's my (paternal) grandmother's engagement ring, which he couldn't have had without my dad giving it to him. he then told me that dad and my stepmum had already approved his plan of proposing tonight, but i'd sort of put him off proposing tonight as it was no longer a surprise and i'd explicitly told him not to literally seconds ago. i had no idea they'd approved it or i would have just let him get on with it, and i'd have said yes. i feel like i fucked up here. did i? &#x200b; info for people asking: if given the choice between public and private proposal, i'd have asked for private, just because it would be more personal if it was just the 2 of us. also, if he had his heart set on a public proposal i'd have gone with it, but i would have wanted it literally anywhere but my father's wedding reception.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
bf and i were at my father's wedding reception, and my entire family and dad's friends were there. bf been dropping hints all day about a surprise he had planned and he kept putting his hand in his trouser pocket, but when his hand was out of his pocket i saw something that could have very easily been a ring box. then at one point he took a deep breath, finished his drink, and started to stand up. i stood up with him, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into another room and said "if you're about to do what i think you're about to do, then don't tell me, just don't do it here and now." he said it was meant to be a surprise and i said this wasn't the place to surprise me. he then showed me the ring and it's my (paternal) grandmother's engagement ring, which he couldn't have had without my dad giving it to him. he then told me that dad and my stepmum had already approved his plan of proposing tonight, but i'd sort of put him off proposing tonight as it was no longer a surprise and i'd explicitly told him not to literally seconds ago. i had no idea they'd approved it or i would have just let him get on with it, and i'd have said yes. i feel like i fucked up here. did i? &#x200b; info for people asking: if given the choice between public and private proposal, i'd have asked for private, just because it would be more personal if it was just the 2 of us. also, if he had his heart set on a public proposal i'd have gone with it, but i would have wanted it literally anywhere but my father's wedding reception. [/INST] nah you didn't know, and it's typically bad form to propose at someone else's wedding </s>
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AITA for saying I was glad my brother is dying?
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long story short my brother slept with my ex fiancee thankfully no children were involved so there were no obligations but i never forgave him since i have massive trust issues that have affected every subsequent relationship. now i just don't date and honestly, i don't really blame women for not wanting to date my insecure ass since i wouldn't either i cut off contact with him and tried to make everyone else in the family do it too and they agreed.
i also destroyed any family photos on the internet and off the internet so it was like he never existed at all, i all got a call from his lawyer and he said he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he was dying and would like to make amends with everyone he hurt. especially me, i told the lawyer i'm glad he was dying and he will live with the shitty thing he did for the rest of his life and that i'll never forgive him since he ruined my life. the lawyer gave me the details anyway like i'm going to go and advised that i should consider seeing him anyway
after this interaction, i told everyone what had happened since i thought they had the right to know and they asked me if i would see him and i said no and that i'm happy he is dying. my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter asshole and that i need to get over it and that he has probably changed and that i was being unfair. my sister said similar things to me but i don't think he deserves closer and the only way i'd go is to let him know that he isn't forgiven they got angrier and said i was an asshole and hung up. honestly the thought of seeing him angers me so i don't think i did anything wrong aita?
| 2,635
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/id9twj/aita_for_saying_i_was_glad_my_brother_is_dying/
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2020-08-20 13:00:34
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esh. he did an incredibly shitty thing. but you're the one that ruined your life.
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yta - there is never a reason to tell a mother that you are glad her child is dying. it doesn't matter what he did. that is beyond cruel. the fact you would do that to your own mother is absolutely disgusting. if you don't want to see him, you don't have to. if you don't want to forgive him, you don't have to.
but he didn't ruin your life. you are doing that on your own by letting hate eat you up.
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>my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter asshole and that i need to get over it and that he has probably changed and that i was being unfair.
you told your mother that you were glad her son was dying?
yta.
i know he hurt you, and i don't blame you for feeling that way necessarily, but you're prioritising your hurt feelings over your mothers need to deal with losing her kid.
he was an asshole for what he did. you're not an asshole for refusing to forgive him or give him closure. you're an asshole for telling your mother that you're glad one of her kids has terminal cancer, whether you believe that or not. sometimes you just don't say what you want because it isn't appropriate.
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esh - obviously he’s an asshole. the fact that he’s dying doesn’t absolve him, not even if having his mortality shoved down his throat has made him truly regretful. you don’t owe him shit. not forgiveness. not closure.
but jesus christ you told your mother that your glad that her child is dying. you every bit as much as asshole as him. and yes, a bitter asshole.
he is 50% of the assholes that fucked up one single aspect of your life. your plan to marry a particular woman. you’re the asshole who fucked up your life the rest of the way by choosing to wallow in misery.
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esh. what he did was awful, hurtful and devastating. however, you’ve chosen to allow it to rule your life and choices.
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>my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter asshole and that i need to get over it
she's not wrong.
esh
telling your brother's attorney that you're glad he's dying qualifies as venting; it's not personal for the attorney.
telling everyone else makes you an asshole. you didn't just tell them when they asked; you made a point to tell them.
wow. i hope you get the therapy you need.
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esh. he did something terrible and you chose to harp on it forever and become this person. he did an asshole thing and you became an asshole.
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yta for saying you're glad your brother is dying.
even though you're hurt it's still a massive dick thing to say. your mum and your sister clearly still love and care about him and you can't even put aside your own anger and bitterness to care about their feelings?
it's not that you feel that way but that you told everyone that does care about him that you're happy he is dying.
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esh you're hurting yourself more than you're hurting him. years from now he'll be dead and out of pain, but you'll still be holding on to your pain, unwilling to trust, not liked by your family, probably friendless
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if this is real- yta. your mother is right, get over it. what he did was bad, but that incident did not ruin your life, don't be so hyperbolic and irrational, you're acting like he murdered her. you were so butthurt you wanted the entire family to ostracize him?! and now he's dying, you want to extend your neurotic bitterness to his death bed. unbelievable. grow up and get a grip.
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.022045
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short my brother slept with my ex fiancee thankfully no children were involved so there were no obligations but i never forgave him since i have massive trust issues that have affected every subsequent relationship. now i just don't date and honestly, i don't really blame women for not wanting to date my insecure ass since i wouldn't either i cut off contact with him and tried to make everyone else in the family do it too and they agreed. i also destroyed any family photos on the internet and off the internet so it was like he never existed at all, i all got a call from his lawyer and he said he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he was dying and would like to make amends with everyone he hurt. especially me, i told the lawyer i'm glad he was dying and he will live with the shitty thing he did for the rest of his life and that i'll never forgive him since he ruined my life. the lawyer gave me the details anyway like i'm going to go and advised that i should consider seeing him anyway after this interaction, i told everyone what had happened since i thought they had the right to know and they asked me if i would see him and i said no and that i'm happy he is dying. my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter asshole and that i need to get over it and that he has probably changed and that i was being unfair. my sister said similar things to me but i don't think he deserves closer and the only way i'd go is to let him know that he isn't forgiven they got angrier and said i was an asshole and hung up. honestly the thought of seeing him angers me so i don't think i did anything wrong aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
long story short my brother slept with my ex fiancee thankfully no children were involved so there were no obligations but i never forgave him since i have massive trust issues that have affected every subsequent relationship. now i just don't date and honestly, i don't really blame women for not wanting to date my insecure ass since i wouldn't either i cut off contact with him and tried to make everyone else in the family do it too and they agreed. i also destroyed any family photos on the internet and off the internet so it was like he never existed at all, i all got a call from his lawyer and he said he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he was dying and would like to make amends with everyone he hurt. especially me, i told the lawyer i'm glad he was dying and he will live with the shitty thing he did for the rest of his life and that i'll never forgive him since he ruined my life. the lawyer gave me the details anyway like i'm going to go and advised that i should consider seeing him anyway after this interaction, i told everyone what had happened since i thought they had the right to know and they asked me if i would see him and i said no and that i'm happy he is dying. my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter asshole and that i need to get over it and that he has probably changed and that i was being unfair. my sister said similar things to me but i don't think he deserves closer and the only way i'd go is to let him know that he isn't forgiven they got angrier and said i was an asshole and hung up. honestly the thought of seeing him angers me so i don't think i did anything wrong aita? [/INST] esh. he did an incredibly shitty thing. but you're the one that ruined your life. </s>
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AITA for winning a paper airplane contest by crumpling the paper into a ball and throwing it?
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i’m a teacher and we had a “friendly” paper airplane contest after school with the staff. last minute i decided to just crumple one sheet of paper up into a ball and throw it as hard as i could down the hallway, which won the competition.
there were no rules prohibiting this. we were simply given some materials and told to make a plane. i thought it was funny and creative but other competitors were legitimately angry with me.
so, aita for ignoring an apparent overall understanding of the competitors that a paper airplane should consist of some type of plane that has wings? did i take a cheap shortcut?
| 907
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2o1me/aita_for_winning_a_paper_airplane_contest_by/
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2022-08-31 20:40:22
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info
the *fuck* was wrong with everyone's airplane designs?
i've thrown plenty of paper balls. and i've thrown plenty of paper airplanes.
and short of some epic mistake on my part, the latter tend to travel much farther than the former.
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i would think that a bunch of teachers would be all about carefully constraining a competition to fulfill pedagogical goals. this sounds like a beautiful, creative answer to the problem posed. and it taught them all a lesson about rules.
nta!
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info: you said there were no rules prohibiting this, but was what counts as a "plane" defined?
it could be that you missed the objective and delivered the wrong product.
if the instructions were "using these tools and not moving past thus point in the hall, deliver this piece of paper as far as you can down the hall" then it might be. n t a
if the instructions were to build a plane and you knew it was a friendly competiton, then it's likely. y t a
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yta.
you didn’t make a plane.
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not bad, but i like the version of the story where the participants are told to "use anything on the supply table" so a kid wraps a stapler in paper and chucks it down the hall.
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yta. everyone knows what a paper plane looks like. a crumpled up ball of paper is not a plane and will move through the air differently when thrown. exploiting that kind of technicality for a fun little paper plane contest is just obnoxious.
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i’ve never seen an airplane that was the shape of a crumpled ball. you weren’t the a-hole, but whoever decided you to be the winner was.
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eh, i think yta. yeah, it was a casual contest but you really went against the spirit of the thing. more than mad that you won, your colleagues were probably just irritated that you pulled a "look how creative and clever i am" move.
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it's a paper airplane contest. not a paper ball contest.
but eta because, come on, it was just a paper airplane contest. what was first prize?
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wow, how petty are your colleagues to get angry over this? bad loser, anyone? you were being creative and apparently someone decided you were the winner. suck it up and move on. jeez, i thought we teachers were supposed to help our students become creative, independent and brave individuals. celebrating people's individuality is a good starting point, even if it makes you look like somebody who is afraid to think outside of the box. nta
*unless you declared yourself the winner and fought everyone over it. that would make you the ah.*
|
INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.611995
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a teacher and we had a “friendly” paper airplane contest after school with the staff. last minute i decided to just crumple one sheet of paper up into a ball and throw it as hard as i could down the hallway, which won the competition. there were no rules prohibiting this. we were simply given some materials and told to make a plane. i thought it was funny and creative but other competitors were legitimately angry with me. so, aita for ignoring an apparent overall understanding of the competitors that a paper airplane should consist of some type of plane that has wings? did i take a cheap shortcut?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a teacher and we had a “friendly” paper airplane contest after school with the staff. last minute i decided to just crumple one sheet of paper up into a ball and throw it as hard as i could down the hallway, which won the competition. there were no rules prohibiting this. we were simply given some materials and told to make a plane. i thought it was funny and creative but other competitors were legitimately angry with me. so, aita for ignoring an apparent overall understanding of the competitors that a paper airplane should consist of some type of plane that has wings? did i take a cheap shortcut? [/INST] info the *fuck* was wrong with everyone's airplane designs? i've thrown plenty of paper balls. and i've thrown plenty of paper airplanes. and short of some epic mistake on my part, the latter tend to travel much farther than the former. </s>
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AITA for not feeling comfortable letting a high schooler drive my 10 month old daughter around all the time?
|
i’m a first time mom, my brother in law is not very responsible and really doesn’t like me. aita for not being comfortable with him, a 17 year old, driving around my baby? i explained it was nothing personal, it’s just scary being that you’re new to driving and she’s my everything. but i’m being ignored and my life made a living hell by my husband and in laws. am i in the wrong here? this kid didn’t even take care of my xbox when i lent it to him. 🤦🏻♀️
thank you in advance, apologies for any formatting issues- mobile user.
| 449
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebeukn/aita_for_not_feeling_comfortable_letting_a_high/
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2019-12-16 13:00:57
|
info
why is he driving your kid around?
if he’s looking after your kid, good luck telling him not to use the car lol
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why is he driving her in the first place? is he the babysitter?
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to and from our houses since we’re separated right now. they’re moving this weekend and my mil sold her car and my brakes are shot and squealing so i don’t want to take her in it, so now she decided for some reason the youngest of his brothers should be trusted to drive her around. no idea why they’re only pushing him or making this big of a deal about it.
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ive been in two accidents and im 19 my sister doesnt let me drive her kids and i completely understand why even before i got in accidents i understood ive only been driving a year and im more prone to make mistakes
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nta. that's literally your baby. i'd be careful too, especially with a new driver.
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info:
why is bil driving your daughter, and where? why can't you drive your daughter if it's this upsetting? why does your husband and family insist it must be bil to drive?
have you researched under 18 driving restrictions? he may not be allowed to drive her anyway, given his age...
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holy shit. nta. put some fucking boundaries. also, your gut instinct is telling you something. don't you dare ignore it. it's there for a reason. please, i'm begging you for your baby's safety and life, don't give in.
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no, because my cars’ brakes are shot and my husbands mom usually picks her up for his time with her because we’re in a weird place right now, and she decided to sell her car but insists she get her for “his days” before he’s even home, so now instead of her picking my daughter up early, she wants to send her kid over to come get her and i said i wasn’t comfortable with that. he’s not the babysitter, i don’t trust him enough for that either
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nta i have a 10month old and there is no way 17 year old is driving her anywhere.
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INFO
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.078384
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a first time mom, my brother in law is not very responsible and really doesn’t like me. aita for not being comfortable with him, a 17 year old, driving around my baby? i explained it was nothing personal, it’s just scary being that you’re new to driving and she’s my everything. but i’m being ignored and my life made a living hell by my husband and in laws. am i in the wrong here? this kid didn’t even take care of my xbox when i lent it to him. 🤦🏻♀️ thank you in advance, apologies for any formatting issues- mobile user.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a first time mom, my brother in law is not very responsible and really doesn’t like me. aita for not being comfortable with him, a 17 year old, driving around my baby? i explained it was nothing personal, it’s just scary being that you’re new to driving and she’s my everything. but i’m being ignored and my life made a living hell by my husband and in laws. am i in the wrong here? this kid didn’t even take care of my xbox when i lent it to him. 🤦🏻♀️ thank you in advance, apologies for any formatting issues- mobile user. [/INST] info why is he driving your kid around? if he’s looking after your kid, good luck telling him not to use the car lol </s>
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AITA for absolutely despising my physically disabled brother?
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when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7.
my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years.
over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years.
a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left.
i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita?
| 11,764
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gz51bm/aita_for_absolutely_despising_my_physically/
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2020-06-08 18:36:37
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yta. sorry, but he is a dead man rolling.n he may be spoiled, but so apparently are you.
everyone over 18 pays for their accommodations somehow. the only payment you are required to do is to be nice to a dying boy, and maybe spend an hour a day with him.
cheapest rent i ever heard.
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i'm trying to understand how someone could write this and \*not\* think they're the asshole. i can only guess that it's either fake, or real and deep down you want to be told you're the asshole you are.
your brother is dying. he wants to spend time with you.
you don't have to, and it's understandable that you had to go through a massive change in family dynamics where you got the short end of the stick. but how many people still complain about getting the short end after having 7 years to adjust?
you don't have to like him, and you can understandably wish you had more of your parents attention, but it's as if an earthquake hit your house 7 years ago and you're still complaining about its effects. accept that you have a brother who's not doing well, and that your parents have shouldered the weight of that for many years. you don't have to like it, but you don't get to mistreat your brother over it either. let's say you got someone pregnant and had a new, disabled kid in your own life. how would you feel? how would you deal with it? because that's what your parents are going through. have some empathy for them. they asked you for a simple favor, watch your brother while your mom goes to the freakin' bathroom, and even then you couldn't do that one small thing without being insulting or complaining.
i don't know what it will take, but you've really got to get over yourself. you have a very sick brother, and parents who are likely exhausted from taking care of him. you have it better than all of them, and yet still treat yourself like the victim.
get the fuck over it, and help your family. if you can't do even that, then at least stop being a drain on them by complaining or being insulting.
edit to add: yta.
2nd
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yta - not for "not having a relationship" with such a big age gap, but your generally assholish behavior and attitude.
you kid brother is significantly disabled, and you're acting like he's this awful, horrible thing. might he be spoiled - maybe, i'm not there, but if he is it's on your parents, not him. but even there, i get your parents wanting to spoil him if he does not have much (quality) time.
on your parents: it does not sound like they ask you to do anything unreasonable. "could you please look out for your younger sibling" is a fairly normal request, even for able bodied kids?
honestly, i don't get your rage towards this child? sure, maybe you're not a kid person and you have trouble bonding because of the age difference. you don't have to be best pals - but surely you could have some empathy?
this:
>it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair
is downright cruel, as well as flat out teling a 7-year-old that you don't like him.
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after all these months of browsing aita this is the post i am uniquely qualified to judge. i have been in a very similar position to you for over 20 years. i'll provide you, u/unacaoimhe, some background so you can understand our similarities and then i'll proceed to the judgement and why. tl;dr at the bottom of post.
**backstory:**
when i was just 4 years old my mother had my brother who was born without genetic issues. he was, for all anyone could tell, a normal, healthy baby. at 4 years old i had been very excited to have a younger brother as at the time we lived out in the country with no nearby children to play with; i could not wait for him to get older. several months after his birth he choked on his own spit-up and had to be airlifted to a hospital. unfortunately, the amount of time he was off of oxygen resulted in brain damage to the area of his brain that controlled the five senses and motor functions. the doctors told my mother at the time that if they continued to support him he would grow up a vegetable with no outside stimuli from which to learn and develop his sense of self since he could not even make use of his five senses and would likely have cerebral palsy as well. at the time this was way too much for a 4 year old to comprehend and i just wanted my brother to recover so i could play with him.
my mother decided she would not give up on my brother and so they continued to work on him and keep him healthy. medicine at that time was not as advanced as it is today and their assessment of my brother was likely premature as he ended up recovering in all aspects except for a mild form of cerebral palsy. despite his recovery, it was a long road to reach this point and unfortunately for me i had no choice but to partake in it. having a brother who could not fulfill my own selfish wishes and constantly required the care and attention of my parents when i was still in my own developmental stage led to a deep-seated hatred for my brother who had "ruined" my life before i could even go to school. that hatred would continue for many years until recently.
my brother's issues (like uncontrollable bowel movements and constantly injuring himself due to a lack of motor control) only exacerbated their already fragile relationship and led to their separation. my parents would then begin a back and forth custody battle that lasted until i was 16. i moved around at least every 2 years. just enough time to make friends, but never enough to keep them. i had nobody to look to but myself and as a result my childhood i feel was robbed of me. during that time my parents lived far enough away that we had to fly as minors and i was expected to watch and take care of a brother (at least that was my view at the time) with all of these issues from the age of 8 to 16. this made me abusive, both physically and emotionally, and i regret it every time i see him now.
when i finally left for college i felt the most free i had ever felt in my entire life. i could finally do everything i ever wanted without my brother weighing me down. eventually my brother, who at this point was almost normal, made it into college as well at the time i was graduating. my mother, whom it was no secret to that i had such hatred for him, sent me an email of my brother's college essay on who he admires. i don't know how she got a hold of it, but that doesn't matter. in his essay he wrote about me. how since he was a little kid he had always looked up to me because i could do all the simple things like playing sports and having friends that wouldn't make fun of me, etc. etc. and how he wished he could do that. how his entire inspiration for never giving up and trying to rehabilitate himself from a position that he has never known different was me, despite all of the abuse i put him through. i have never felt such shame and abhorrence for myself until that point. that scenario led me to do serious introspection and i hope i am a better man today because of it.
**judgement:** so as you can see i understand your pain and frustration perhaps better than anybody else here. i have lived with it for most of my life. it wasn't fair for my parents to force these responsibilities on a child, for me to take care of my brother like that, for me to lose out on my childhood in many aspects -- but ultimately it happened anyways and i have to make peace with it and my brother.
your parents are certainly assholes for having a kid anyways despite knowing the consequences, but **you are most certainly yta** because of what you have already done. i plead you to not do what i did for 20 years to my brother. i don't want you or your brother to live with that shame and abuse for the rest of your life. learn to accept him and your situation and treat him with kindness and love -- he surely only wants you to accept him and love him the most because you are the light of his life and his hope to be normal.
**tl;dr** yta for how you treated your brother, even more so than your parents conceiving a child despite the risks.
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yta. are you serious? it's not like he chose to be disabled. i understand your frustration at not being the center of attention anymore, but come on! you're 20, he's 7!!!!! you have no right to take out your anger at a 7-year-old boy, regardless if he was disabled or not. if you can't take not getting attention, then move out!
also giant yta for the part where you say you're embarrassed for all the equipment around the house so you don't bring friends around. get a grip. i think your friends would understand that the equipment is for your brother and they wouldn't care about it being in your house.
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esh except your brother. you suck for treating your brother like any of this is his fault. i understand being resentful, but never once did you think to even discuss anything with your parents. your parents really suck, not only for knowing the risks and going through with the pregnancy anyway, but for neglecting you for the past 7 years.
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i just really, really hope you never have a disabled child. or any children, really. like, i'm so very sorry (i'm not) that your parents are facing the deteriorating health of their 7 year old child and it's soooo embarrassing for you to have his medical equipment in the house. what a hardship. for you. 🙄
grow up. move out if you can't handle it.
yta.
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i really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt but yta. i understand you have a lot of resentment bc you were an only child, and as someone who is not an only child i just can’t empathize with you. i’m sorry your parents don’t give you the love and attention you apparently need but you can not blame that on your brother and tell him straight to his face you don’t like him when all he wants is to have a connection with his sister??? like come on. none of this is his fault. nor your parents. they’re in a tough situation and i completely understand them not wanting to scold him too often since their time is short. you’re 20, if you’re so bothered by him then move out??
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not only are yta, but you’re also a major dick.
your brother only has so much time left with you, and you’re on the path to filling the rest of his life with resentment. you’re 20 years old, stop acting so fucking childish.
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move out. what? not able to take care of yourself?
i’ll wait while you connect those dots.
yta and your anger is misplaced on your brother.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7. my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years. over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years. a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left. i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7. my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years. over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years. a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left. i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita? [/INST] yta. sorry, but he is a dead man rolling.n he may be spoiled, but so apparently are you. everyone over 18 pays for their accommodations somehow. the only payment you are required to do is to be nice to a dying boy, and maybe spend an hour a day with him. cheapest rent i ever heard. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL I needed the guest house more than her son?
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i 24f is currently living with my brother and his family. they have 6, yes, 6 kids from age 19 to 1 1/2. the youngest is the only girl. i moved in with my brother after my relationship went sour. it was horrible. we were never close because he is 16 years older than me. after my 4 year relationship ended, i had nowhere to go and i asked my brother if he could help me out. he invited me into his house. they have a guest house which he said i could stay but he said it needed renovations first so i got a room in the main house.
while my brother and his family are quite comfy and earns a lot. as i said, 6 kids and they are loud and i prefer a quiet space. the house is quite huge and i have my own bedroom but it is just awful honestly. sil is a sahm and she is great with the kids, they listen to her and whatnot but they are just too much and too loud.
renovations happened and sil has been saying her oldest child should move in so he can have his own space. sil told her son about it and he was quite excited to have his own space. i spoke to my brother since i thought i'd get it but he told me his son needs space and whatnot. i went to sil and asked her about it last night and she told me no. i explained it to her and she still said no. i told her i needed it more. the kids had everything handed down to them and my brother told me i could stay at the guest house. it's just so upsetting. saying i needed it more is causing some issues. aita? after explaining my side, my friends agreed with me.
| 7,437
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uc4t5l/aita_for_telling_my_sil_i_needed_the_guest_house/
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2022-04-26 04:57:31
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yta. you're upset that your aid package isn't larger.
your brother is under no obligation to house you, let alone provide you with the guest house.
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yta. move out if you want your own space, you are an adult and your brother shouldn’t have to support you. unless you have a lease and pay rent for the guest house it’s their house/guest house, they decide who gets it. honestly sounds like they have a 7th child.
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yta. it’s their house. they choose what to be done with it. end of story.
if you want more explanation:
you begged for a place to stay when sh*t hit the fan. despite not being close, he/they still took you in. it’s not good enough for you? then move out.
(personally, if i’m concerned a guest is going to be overstaying their welcome, i’m not giving them a guest house.)
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are you paying for rent/utilities/groceries or helping with chores or the children?
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yta. for someone with no leg to stand on you sure are entitled. of course your idiot friends would back you. go stay with them if you want space.
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yta. you aren't owed their guest house, and this may be a not so discrete message to you from sil that you should be thinking about finding your own place.
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yta!
your brother let you move in to his house, and you bitch and moan about their kids, and you feel that you should get the guest house because the kids have everything handed to them? your entitlement boggles my mind. you are 21; you are an adult! go find your own place if you want peace and quiet.
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yta - you should cross post this to r/choosingbeggars
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yta. this isn't something you can demand when your brother and his family are doing you a favor. do you think your sil wants you getting more comfy staying with them? i'd bet that's a big nope. are you renting or just child #7?
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yta. i know i'm in the minority on this sub, because while i don't think your brother should have any official obligation to help you, i do think that in general, family members should help one another if they can without serious hardship, and if the family member isn't an ungrateful ah about it.
you've just moved into ungrateful ah territory. they're letting you live with them, and don't think i didn't notice you not specifying how long you've been staying, or if you've been contributing in any way. i'm not saying you need to kiss the ground your brother walks on, but you do need to realize when someone's doing you a favor, and not try to complain and be greedy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 24f is currently living with my brother and his family. they have 6, yes, 6 kids from age 19 to 1 1/2. the youngest is the only girl. i moved in with my brother after my relationship went sour. it was horrible. we were never close because he is 16 years older than me. after my 4 year relationship ended, i had nowhere to go and i asked my brother if he could help me out. he invited me into his house. they have a guest house which he said i could stay but he said it needed renovations first so i got a room in the main house. while my brother and his family are quite comfy and earns a lot. as i said, 6 kids and they are loud and i prefer a quiet space. the house is quite huge and i have my own bedroom but it is just awful honestly. sil is a sahm and she is great with the kids, they listen to her and whatnot but they are just too much and too loud. renovations happened and sil has been saying her oldest child should move in so he can have his own space. sil told her son about it and he was quite excited to have his own space. i spoke to my brother since i thought i'd get it but he told me his son needs space and whatnot. i went to sil and asked her about it last night and she told me no. i explained it to her and she still said no. i told her i needed it more. the kids had everything handed down to them and my brother told me i could stay at the guest house. it's just so upsetting. saying i needed it more is causing some issues. aita? after explaining my side, my friends agreed with me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 24f is currently living with my brother and his family. they have 6, yes, 6 kids from age 19 to 1 1/2. the youngest is the only girl. i moved in with my brother after my relationship went sour. it was horrible. we were never close because he is 16 years older than me. after my 4 year relationship ended, i had nowhere to go and i asked my brother if he could help me out. he invited me into his house. they have a guest house which he said i could stay but he said it needed renovations first so i got a room in the main house. while my brother and his family are quite comfy and earns a lot. as i said, 6 kids and they are loud and i prefer a quiet space. the house is quite huge and i have my own bedroom but it is just awful honestly. sil is a sahm and she is great with the kids, they listen to her and whatnot but they are just too much and too loud. renovations happened and sil has been saying her oldest child should move in so he can have his own space. sil told her son about it and he was quite excited to have his own space. i spoke to my brother since i thought i'd get it but he told me his son needs space and whatnot. i went to sil and asked her about it last night and she told me no. i explained it to her and she still said no. i told her i needed it more. the kids had everything handed down to them and my brother told me i could stay at the guest house. it's just so upsetting. saying i needed it more is causing some issues. aita? after explaining my side, my friends agreed with me. [/INST] yta. you're upset that your aid package isn't larger. your brother is under no obligation to house you, let alone provide you with the guest house. </s>
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AITA for calling my student "student" because he refuses to stop calling me "Professor"?
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i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”.
this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name.
as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example,
“professor, i have a question.”
“yes, student?”
“professor, how do you complete xyz?”
“well, student…” and then explain it.
he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name.
when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here?
| 19,360
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fd126w/aita_for_calling_my_student_student_because_he/
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2020-03-03 20:37:43
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yta - professor is considered a polite way of addressing your college professor. you're being nitpicky here and picking fights with a college student. you're supposed to be the adult here and yet you're lowering yourself to childish discourse because he's not comfortable calling you by your first name. some people grew up in very formal homes where it was absolutely unacceptable to refer to someone in an authority position by their first name. try to be more understanding of your students and remember you're the adult in the room, try to act like it.
|
esh
he should have listened the first time. but you stooped to his level of immaturity. you should be worried about being reported, because it doesn’t look good when your only defense is “well he started it”.
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yta
even some english speaking students grow up in a culture where calling a teacher by their name is incredibly rude. most teachers i know have preferences, but don't force students to conform to them.
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yta
referring to your college professor as “professor” is widely accepted almost everywhere. it’s likely that he has called x amount of other professors “professor” and it’s never been an issue. old habits are hard to break.
while i understand that you would rather *not* be called professor, it really shouldn’t be bothering you this much tbh. it’s like when people say “excuse me, miss!” when trying to get my attention. sure, i don’t love it. but it really isn’t a big deal. it’s not like they’re shouting “aye, bitch!”.
it’s one student. relax.
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yta - just answer his question and keep it moving, you’re being petty
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nta. by college, people should know to call people by the name they want. if they're going to willfully ignore it, then it's fair game to get their name wrong.
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esh, gotta say.
you're in the position of authority here. passive-aggression is not a good look and it's also not your only option here. you could just be direct and kick the kid out of class instead of playing his game.
so you're an asshole in this situation because you've worsened the problem and descended to his level, none of which was necessary.
the kid is an asshole for not just using your name as he's been asked to, and also for complaining about it.
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i'm laughing at a professor trying to defend themselves before the review board because a student was calling them "professor."
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info: why don't you want to be called professor? (not wanting to be called "miss" i understand perfectly well.)
i am a professor, am friends with many other professors, and have never heard anyone state this preference before. i guess i'm wondering if it's a battle worth fighting or not.
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honestly? yta slightly.
you haven't made an attempt to speak with them one on one about why they call you professor and there may be a good reason as to why he doesn't want to say your actual name; you would maybe be more empathetic to her reasoning if you spoke to him.
everyone has a right to be called what they want, if this were dead naming or something else that was disrespectful i would totally understand your hesitancy, but the fact of the matter is you are a professor... probably the only professor in the classroom at the time so not only is the name accurate but it is easier to remember your title than the names of his 5 professors.
i get that you have a preference but i don't think you have a right to dictate if he calls you by name or here title; your using of his title is not only petty at your own admission, but it is also not very concise given that there are usually more than one student in the class.
&#x200b;
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
INFO
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YTA
| 0.127033
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”. this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name. as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example, “professor, i have a question.” “yes, student?” “professor, how do you complete xyz?” “well, student…” and then explain it. he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name. when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”. this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name. as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example, “professor, i have a question.” “yes, student?” “professor, how do you complete xyz?” “well, student…” and then explain it. he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name. when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here? [/INST] yta - professor is considered a polite way of addressing your college professor. you're being nitpicky here and picking fights with a college student. you're supposed to be the adult here and yet you're lowering yourself to childish discourse because he's not comfortable calling you by your first name. some people grew up in very formal homes where it was absolutely unacceptable to refer to someone in an authority position by their first name. try to be more understanding of your students and remember you're the adult in the room, try to act like it. </s>
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AITA for not giving a shoplifter his change
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i work at a gas station and i noticed a guy walked in here and stuffed some sandwiches down his pants and walked out to his car, his wife was in the gas station buying drinks.
i go up to the car and i see he has already handed out the sandwiches to people in the car and they started eating. i tell him he's a dirty fucking theirf and i got his license plate, i'm calling the cops unless he pays. he walks in acting all tough yelling at me. he puts a 50 on the counter and i put it in. he told me he took 3, 4 dollar sandwiches. i tell him to get the fuck out of the store. he's demanding his change back, i tell him to leave. he says he knows the law what i'm doing is illegal,i tell him to call the cops then. he is acting all tough and gangster but it's pretty cringe and not intimidating, he looks to be in his 30s. he eventually walks out and tries to knock over a crate of beer but fails.
i checked the cameras and found out he actually took 5 of those sandwiches and stole a bottle of tequila as well. i still gained 15 dollars from him, but if i gave him the correct change i would've lost money which is part of the reason why i didn't give him his change back, i was certain he stole something else.
| 1,593
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9ijdd/aita_for_not_giving_a_shoplifter_his_change/
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2021-08-22 18:59:11
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esh- i work at a gas station too and what you did was so dangerous. we are trained not to engage with shoplifters, never follow them outside the store. just report to the police. if you got hurt in a confrontation, the store could be liable. we literally have to sign an oath not to pull any of that crap.
this man was a stranger, you did not know what he was capable of. he could have had a gun for all you knew.
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esh. he is a thief. you decided to be a thief too. you are both as bad as each other. you should have watched the tape back while he was there and charged him accordingly if you didn’t believe him.
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what the hell? dude got what deserved, he's going to steal from people, he doesn't get the benefit of getting his correct change lmao fuck him he's a thief stealing liquor and food when he has more than enough money. nta
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esh. you endangered your life and the lives of any bystanders over sandwiches. what ridiculousness. now you're the thief. you're no better than him. possibly worse, since at least he didn't risk anyone's lives.
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nta. you have security footage proving what he stole, and it proves he was obviously trying to steal the food, because he hid it in his clothes! he only slapped down the $50 after he got caught and tried to make you look like the bad guy for “accusing him unfairly.” he’s full of shit in every respect and tried to scare and rattle you to cover it up.
as to the $15 he might or might not have overpaid, i don’t know if attempted burglary justifies keeping his change or not. if he’s legally still entitled to his change, return it with an arrest warrant.
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idk where you live, but where i live this was a great way for you to get shot. over sandwiches. you’re not an adult so i definitely understand why your decision making was so poor but it’s still shocking the kind of danger you put yourself in.
if i were your parents, i’d probably hire someone else. you’re too emotionally invested in the merchandise to keep yourself safe. if this place gets robbed for real, you’ll end up dead. have you told your parents what you did yet? this was so dumb.
esh
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nta screw shoplifters
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nta
but be careful. this could’ve gone very wrong and you could’ve gotten hurt.
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esh. he stole from the shop. you stole from him. if you wanted him to face the consequences of his stealing you should have called the police. just as you thought he should do when he accused you of stealing.
|
esh
he is a dirty thief.
so are you.
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.595226
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at a gas station and i noticed a guy walked in here and stuffed some sandwiches down his pants and walked out to his car, his wife was in the gas station buying drinks. i go up to the car and i see he has already handed out the sandwiches to people in the car and they started eating. i tell him he's a dirty fucking theirf and i got his license plate, i'm calling the cops unless he pays. he walks in acting all tough yelling at me. he puts a 50 on the counter and i put it in. he told me he took 3, 4 dollar sandwiches. i tell him to get the fuck out of the store. he's demanding his change back, i tell him to leave. he says he knows the law what i'm doing is illegal,i tell him to call the cops then. he is acting all tough and gangster but it's pretty cringe and not intimidating, he looks to be in his 30s. he eventually walks out and tries to knock over a crate of beer but fails. i checked the cameras and found out he actually took 5 of those sandwiches and stole a bottle of tequila as well. i still gained 15 dollars from him, but if i gave him the correct change i would've lost money which is part of the reason why i didn't give him his change back, i was certain he stole something else.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work at a gas station and i noticed a guy walked in here and stuffed some sandwiches down his pants and walked out to his car, his wife was in the gas station buying drinks. i go up to the car and i see he has already handed out the sandwiches to people in the car and they started eating. i tell him he's a dirty fucking theirf and i got his license plate, i'm calling the cops unless he pays. he walks in acting all tough yelling at me. he puts a 50 on the counter and i put it in. he told me he took 3, 4 dollar sandwiches. i tell him to get the fuck out of the store. he's demanding his change back, i tell him to leave. he says he knows the law what i'm doing is illegal,i tell him to call the cops then. he is acting all tough and gangster but it's pretty cringe and not intimidating, he looks to be in his 30s. he eventually walks out and tries to knock over a crate of beer but fails. i checked the cameras and found out he actually took 5 of those sandwiches and stole a bottle of tequila as well. i still gained 15 dollars from him, but if i gave him the correct change i would've lost money which is part of the reason why i didn't give him his change back, i was certain he stole something else. [/INST] esh- i work at a gas station too and what you did was so dangerous. we are trained not to engage with shoplifters, never follow them outside the store. just report to the police. if you got hurt in a confrontation, the store could be liable. we literally have to sign an oath not to pull any of that crap. this man was a stranger, you did not know what he was capable of. he could have had a gun for all you knew. </s>
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AITA for expecting my daughter to help her brother?
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me (50sm)
my daughter (32/f)
my son (27/m)
i love my kids equally.
my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k).
my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago.
last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this.
i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more.
i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now.
aita?
| 14,965
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bymu7a/aita_for_expecting_my_daughter_to_help_her_brother/
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2019-06-09 17:44:23
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yta. your daughter’s money is hers to do with as she pleases. she earned it. if you want your son’s credit cards paid off then do it yourself.
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yta. it isn’t your daughter’s job to bail out your son. he needs to face the consequences of his financial decisions. it sounds like filing for bankruptcy is the right call here.
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yta. you have no right to tell your daughter what to do with her money. your son is an adult, he made mistakes and now he has to figure out how to fix it instead of relying on daddy.
why should your daughter be burdened by his life choices?
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yta, i'm afraid. it isn't your daughter's job to take care of her brother's problems. it's not even her responsibility. not to mention the fastest way to ruin a family dynamic is (usually) to involve money. one missed payment and now everything is tense and everyone is angry.
your daughter, with your help, has been incredibly responsible. your son has not. now he has the chance to follow in her footsteps, get a job, and take responsibility for his actions. he should have known *well* before 30k debt that his situation was untenable. at 10k, at the least, he should have re-evaluated his life style. he didn't. your daughter should not being giving up her hard earned savings because of his lack of foresight.
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“they should learn how to rely on each other more.”
actually what your proposing is closer to this,
“my son should learn to leech off his sister.”
what a stupid thing to suggest, i can see where your son got his brains from. yta
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i read this whole thread.
are you seriously trying to imply that your children are equally irresponsible? your son a) lives way beyond his means and b) has a mooch girlfriend. and your daughter has committed the sins of a) being single and b) working at a non profit? so this means... she should bail him out?
yta
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yta - if you want to bail your son out, why don't *you* loan him the money to pay his debts? why would this fall on his sibling? just because she has managed to build up a savings? o.o
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yta. $30k!!! sounds like it’s your son’s fault for having a “nomadic” lifestyle. i get that your daughter lives rent free but it’s not reasonable to expect her to bail her brother out of a bad situation he caused. that’s a lot of money.
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yta- its nice that you've been able to help your daughter out so she can pursue her passion, but it sounds like your daughter has also taken responsibility for her financial well being. she's made sound choices and she's been able to save.
you son had made other choices. instead of working full time, he's made the choice to move around and not save money. it's unfair for you to expect your daughter to bail him out.
why not offer your son the same that you've offered your daughter? free rent while he gets back on his feet. yes, bankruptcy will affect his credit for the next 7 years, but that is a consequence of the choices your son has made
|
yta.
you have now made your daughter feel as if the 50k she saved is actually yours. because you let her live rent free.
but it wasn't rent free - you actually had deep expectations that she would use the money in a way you wanted, if you only asked.
you can help your son yourself, but you cannot require siblings to help each other. what you just did is the opposite of helping them rely on each other. also did it not occur to you that your son came to you (not his sister) with this problem? you violated his trust as well.
bankruptcy is not that big of a deal. sure, there may be certain kinds of jobs in the financial industry that he can't have, but wtf makes you think that's where he's headed? people i know who declared bankruptcy buy houses 7 years later (or sooner if there's a distress sale). they learn adulting by digging their way out.
jobs that do not check for bankruptcy are the vast majority of jobs (including things like teacher and social worker, so maybe he'll be forced to help others)
or he can just continue doing whatever he's doing in the gig economy. really, he should contact a legitimate credit negotiators and just make a settlement to pay it off at lower interest. maybe he should get a regular job? you're not an asshole to say to your son, "get a job and pay it off" if he has brought the problem to you. you are a big asshole for making it your daughter's problem.
sheesh.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (50sm) my daughter (32/f) my son (27/m) i love my kids equally. my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k). my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago. last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this. i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more. i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (50sm) my daughter (32/f) my son (27/m) i love my kids equally. my daughter lives at home rent free, which has allowed her to pursue her passion. we don’t charge her rent and so she’s built up a good deal of savings (~50k). my son is a bit more aimless. he has a college degree, but he and his girlfriend have chosen to pursue a more nomadic lifestyle. he supports them (gf doesn’t work) and does odd jobs/gigs. they have lived in airbnbs for two years, until about a month ago. last week, my son came to me to speak in private. apparently, they have been living off of credit cards and now my son owes ~30k. there’s no way he’ll be able to pay that off on his current job. he has moved back in and is looking for more steady work, but it’s going slowly as he has little career history to speak of. meanwhile, the creditors are calling constantly. the debt will inevitably grow with interest. my wife is pushing hard for son to file for bankruptcy to manage this. i don’t want my son to file for bankruptcy. it would be a huge stain on his credit and make some jobs impossible to get. i believe my daughter should loan him the money out of her savings. when i pass all my children will have is each other. they should learn how to rely on each other more. i told my daughter i think she should loan son the money. she got extremely angry and left to live with her mom. her mom, my wife, and my daughter are all angry at me now. aita? [/INST] yta. your daughter’s money is hers to do with as she pleases. she earned it. if you want your son’s credit cards paid off then do it yourself. </s>
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AITA for my husbands aunts tree being cut down?
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my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap.
my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home.
i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space.
because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence.
at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened.
what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree.
my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door.
terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt.
later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here?
| 16,121
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xncev7/aita_for_my_husbands_aunts_tree_being_cut_down/
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2022-09-25 03:35:58
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yta for letting it continue when your husband said no. the aunt said no to the gate and no is a complete sentence. your parents removed a tree from a yard they do not own. how stupid and selfish of them. everyone is the ah besides your husband, his aunt and family. the aunt can hire a lawyer and sue your parents and the company who did it without her permission. and honestly i hope she does
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yta. she said no!
why do your parents have an rv that they have no room for?
why did your father even think any of this was appropriate?
let me reiterate - she said no!
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yta
you are such ta i'm a bit speechless you thought to post this.
here's my main sticking point. you asked. she said no.
>my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean.
who are you married to, your father or your husband? why did you not put your foot down with your father? i'm just sorry that your husband has to share the consequences to this.
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yta. none of this is fair to your aunt, and it doesn't matter if the tree was a random tree growing on her property or had a special meaning; you broke the lease and cost her damages and i would expect to be sued for the loss if i were you.
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yta, obviously and hugely. everybody else already told you that.
however — if the felled tree is still there and still has live branches on it, you might be able to take some cuttings and make clones for your husband’s aunt. is won’t save you from getting evicted or from other consequences, but it might be a good start for showing contrition. the tree appreciation sub r/marijuanaenthusiasts (yes, really) can provide more instruction on taking and rooting fruit tree cuttings — and give you an idea of what the law thinks of your liability for the tree.
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your dad is mostly the a-hole. he started the gate, plus he ordered the tree to be removed. but, why didn't you stop all of this as soon as you realized what was happening? you are the point-of-contact for your side of the family, so they blame you. you are going to have to own this one. yta.
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yta. why would your parents think they have the authority to come into town and wreck your the aunt’s fence? i’m going to guess and say you either didn’t tell them they couldn’t or you told them to just go ahead anyway…just like you told your dad to just finish the gate instead of paying so much more to repair the fence.
your husband and his whole family is understandably mad at you. i doubt your husband will even want to stay with you after this.
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info: what the fuck
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you and your dad yta. you rent someone’s house and ask to make permanent alterations and are refused. then you go ahead anyway and cut down their tree to make it more convenient? i would throw you out too.
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yta i think what makes you the biggest ah is despite people explaining why it's wrong you still don't get what a bug deal this is. the compromise is that she isn't suing your family and the company did this. like fence aside do you have any idea how much a fully grown apple tree. if my husband did this and continued to act like it was no big deal i'd seriously consider a divorce.
and i do get your side. i rent from family and i couldn't afford to live else where.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap. my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home. i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space. because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened. what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree. my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door. terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt. later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap. my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home. i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space. because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened. what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree. my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door. terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt. later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here? [/INST] yta for letting it continue when your husband said no. the aunt said no to the gate and no is a complete sentence. your parents removed a tree from a yard they do not own. how stupid and selfish of them. everyone is the ah besides your husband, his aunt and family. the aunt can hire a lawyer and sue your parents and the company who did it without her permission. and honestly i hope she does </s>
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AITA for refusing to apologize to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house?
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tldr at bottom.
so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant.
this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total.
i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying.
he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.
tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology.
eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help.
| 25,625
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r76491/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_to_my_husband_in/
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2021-12-02 12:11:23
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nta... is he delusional? a written apology? what are you his servant? jesus christ, that's repulsive.
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dearest husband. i am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that i am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration. i apologize for allowing an environment to exist that led you to believe that making such a big decision without discussing it with me and your resulting behaviour and callous disregard for your pregnant wife could exist. rest assured that this will not continue. all the best and happy holidays. - your wife, who is going to have a nap while you cook us all dinner. nta
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unless your husband was planning on doing all the cooking, hosting, entertaining and taking care of the kids, nta!!
i would seriously probably leave my husband if he spoke to me like this or acted this way. you’re the one doing everything, if anything, you’re the man of the family now. you work, take care of the kids, run the house, you’re the one who has the authority. not him. and he comes from a family who thinks the same stupid stuff.
i also probably would have carried on as life as usual and let him deal with the fallout of having to cook and entertain, as he gave you no notice and you have a job and a life. i’d show up home every day like a guest. lol.
seriously this man and his family are raising your children with the same mentality. consider whether you want your kids to be like them. if you want to continue to endure this wild behavior. you can walk away and leave him to it.
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leave him for the love of god. do you want to raise your kids with this man? have them see him disrespect you like this? a written apology ffs, you are not his bloody staff.
nta nta nta
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nta- but your husband is ah. wtf was he thinking? he needs to apologize to you.
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>made him look small and with no authority
>underminning his authority infront of his family
so he is straight up saying that he should have authority over you. i think there needs to be a larger discussion about expectations about your marriage and life in general.
nta.
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you work full time, have a toddler, and you are pregnant. he expects you to not go to work which will impact your maternity leave with your new baby so that you can host 26 people for almost a week??? nope! you did the right thing! no real man would have invited that many people without consulting his wife first. no real man would expect his pregnant working wife to do all that! the only other thing you could have done was let him do everything on his own. he could do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining for you and his guests. let him do everything while you rest in bed. what he did was wrong!
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i read ‘5 day christmas celebration for 26 members in total’ and i started screaming in my own head .
it doesn’t matter if he even did all the work; that’s not something you pull the trigger on without consulting your partner. you’re pregnant, working partner who is already caring for a toddler
the fact that he expected you to do all the work blows me away. his reaction to expecting ‘you to get over it’, blows me away. his mother’s reaction blows me away. and his insistence on a handwritten apology blows me away.
like, this is so egregious i don’t even have the words.
nta
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nta. reinvite everyone and then take your kid to a hotel for the duration. he can entertain his family by himself if he thinks that's so important.
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info : did husband offer to handle hosting responsibilities?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tldr at bottom. so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant. this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying. he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family. tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology. eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tldr at bottom. so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant. this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying. he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family. tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology. eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help. [/INST] nta... is he delusional? a written apology? what are you his servant? jesus christ, that's repulsive. </s>
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AITA for switching to regular milk to prove my lactose intolerant roommate keeps stealing from me?
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me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up.
this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it.
one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice.
i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious.
my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys.
the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant.
the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?”
he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up.
my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit.
i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
| 46,205
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvcvtt/aita_for_switching_to_regular_milk_to_prove_my/
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2020-07-21 18:29:53
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nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem.
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nta. it’s your food. you could have put your medicine in it or even your pet’s medication in it. you could have put a laxative in it or even syrup of ipecac. and i would still say nta. when people steal food, lie about it and don’t replace it they reap what they sow. food is expensive, especially milk substitutes. without replacing the food he was essentially stealing money from your wallet.
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nta. i read a story from askamanager where something similar occurred. op liked spicy food and food thief ate it then reported op to hr for trying to poison him.
eventually op got fired after hr agreed with food thief. op got a lawyer and story came out that hr and food thief were in a relationship. company owner fired both offenders and hired op back with increased pay.
dude sucks for stealing your food and i would have done the same thing.
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nta.
> the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
this, children, is called projection: he knows he's stealing food, and he figures the two of you are going to try and do it to him.
dick.
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this story is incredible! who can't tell the difference between almond milk and dairy milk?
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nta
if he steals from you, he should face consequences, especially after you bringing it up to him. why would he expect you buying and using products that accomodate to his health condition?
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nta there is a saying in finnish that translates to 'the greedy ones have a shitty end', and i think that's what happened here.
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speaking as a lactose intolerant person: nta.
dude had to learn a lesson.
if drinking real milk would have killed him, or hospitalised him, then i'd say it was too far, and there should be a better way. but having to shit for 40 minutes is a hilarious, and fair, punishment.
well played, op. well played.
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nta as my husband always says " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" guy got what he deserved.
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nta hes stealing from you and you taught him a lesson. he'll have the shits boo hoo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta? [/INST] nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem. </s>
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AITA For building a Fence and blocking my neighbours from the road, forcing them to take a massive detour?
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so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property.
i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed.
it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road.
well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me.
untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself.
i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property.
well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose.
however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
| 24,986
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ics68m/aita_for_building_a_fence_and_blocking_my/
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2020-08-19 17:29:28
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nta. your property, your rules.
also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws.
don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness.
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nta and as for the nice neighbors that's life, people take advantage of good things and ruin it for the rest of us.
part and parcel of turning small rural communities from a place everyone knows everybody and is accountable to their actions, into exactly what you're seeing with people telling you to fuck off because you don't want your land turning into a shit hole.
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nta
it’s your private property. you were doing your nice neighbors a favor by letting them use your shortcut, you don’t owe them the use of it. i get why you feel about it, since you seem like a generous person for putting up with so much for so long.
but i think what you did is completely reasonable since you were having so many issues with people trespassing and then getting aggressive when you told them to leave.
|
[deleted]
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nta. it’s your property and you have every right to do what you want to it.
you were not the problem, it’s the entitled assholes who were taking advantage of your good nature.
i would let everyone know the reason who the culprits were in locking down access.
if you feel really bad you could install a gate with a combo lock and give it to the nice neighbors, but honestly i would not do jack shit now.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
|
nta - as someone who owns acreage myself , these are not nice neighbors and never have been. they have disrespected your property since day one.
that is not their road and they didn’t pay for it.
they did not purchase the field from you to use as they please and they don’t pay to maintain that field.
you absolutely did the right thing by building the fence. do not remove it.
the next time a neighbor complains , tell them they can build their own road on their own land and buy more acreage to park on. if you haven’t already ,build a fence bordering your properties , get a document from your county appraisal district with property lines clearly shown for your neighbor and put it in their mailbox.
if issues continue- call your local sherif on them for trespassing.
they sound like city folk trying to be country. it’s incredibly expensive and time consuming to maintain acreage and they apparently are unaware of that. i’m from texas and you never trespass on someone else’s land. none of this would have happened a second time had it been our property.
stand up for your right as a landowner and don’t let them walk all over you- literally.
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this isn't real.
i can't grasp how this works physically.
how does your driveway, that goes from your house to a main road result in a shortcut for neighbors when you're on a property so spacious that you don't even notice encroaching development?
there's no physically reasonable way that this is true.
the stone fence is kind of the illogical icing on the cake. you have a *huge* property, and you put up a masonry fence?! not fuckin likely.
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i’m going to say you’re a troll that didn’t agree with the earlier post about someone using the footpaths on someone else’s property and have changed just enough details to get the answer you want. must be sad life you lead.
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i think reddit requires a ms paint sketch of the properties and the road draw on it so we can all see what is happening
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nta. that’s private property people have begun treating like public property, it won’t be long before they are completely trashing shit. i say good on you for nipping it in the bud!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted. [/INST] nta. your property, your rules. also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws. don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness. </s>
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AITA for getting mad my artist hid their initials in my tattoo?
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this is a short one. names changed for privacy.
i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo.
i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?”
i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund.
now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?
| 39,235
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tpp4gc/aita_for_getting_mad_my_artist_hid_their_initials/
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2022-03-27 17:49:44
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nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials...
and they should get fired ...
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nta. this person straight up branded you! not only that, this isn't even the artist's design, it's a copied design!
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nta
tattoo artists don't get to sign their work because their canvas is a human being. this is known. this is conventionally understood.
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nta
i remember there was an ink master episode where someone had a piece with a clock face and the artist put their time of birth on it as some kind of "signature". the judges ripped him up for it. same basic principle. tattoo artists shouldn't be signing a tat in anyway without first discussing it with the client. your artist definitely shouldn't have done this since it was a particularly meaningful design for you.
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nta i’ve been tattooing for almost 20 years and this is something you never do! wtf!!
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not only did the artist permanently brand you without your permission. but it wasn’t even original artwork. this artist has to be so full of herself, she must be bursting at the seems.
nta
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[removed]
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nta
i'm a tattooed guy and this thing is incredibly gross, she ruined a meaningful piece of art and she branded your own body without giving you a heads up... and now she's trying to play victim over it?
are these details discussed in this "smear campaign" of hers? if i were you (and with the store owner's blessing), i'd intervene and explain to everyone exactly what she did, because that shit will get her trashed pretty bad in the tattoo community
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nta. the artist put something on your body they didn't have permission to. you didn't consent to their initials, and it's really weird to mark another person with your name without them knowing. i hope word gets around because what this artist did was definitely not okay.
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so much nta.
my mother's last position before she retired was as a same-day surgery scrub nurse at a teaching hospital. she told me warning stories about how there's always a percentage of surgical residents who are...well like this one guy she gave as an example: he would carve his initials into the skulls of brain surgery patients any time he got the chance.
when it comes to your body, anyone doing anything to it not medically warranted or specifically requested by you as part of a service, should not be in a profession where they put hands on people.
your tattoo artist should not be a tattoo artist.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita? [/INST] nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials... and they should get fired ... </s>
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AITA for leaving my best friend and his friends stranded in an unfamiliar city?
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so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day.
i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this.
come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident.
their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way.
so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid.
he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them.
is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now.
am i the asshole?
| 23,927
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uptyk1/aita_for_leaving_my_best_friend_and_his_friends/
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2022-05-15 00:18:07
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nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home.
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nta. was there a more adult way to deal with this? definitely.
did they deserve to be treated like adults after the disrespectful, asinine and childish stunt they pulled? no.
fuck those guys. they got what they deserved.
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nta… who tells someone they can’t sleep in their own camper? he’s not your best friend.
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i'm just really confused what these people's thought process was.
they really thought they'd lock you out of your own camper and you'd smile and drive them home?
was it harsh? yes. did they deserve it? also yes.
they're grown, they can find their way home.
nta
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nta. they straight up locked you out? that's messed up. sounds like they see you not as a friend but as someone who can do stuff for them. they are adults with phones and money, they were fine. i would suggest you start making new (better) friends, even if you decide to keep these guys around.
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nta.
this made me laugh.
i could picture you hitching up the camper to your truck. looking at your watch and looking out for the first sign of them coming. then seeing them come and executing the perfect moment to fking floor it and yee haw!!! get the fk outta there!!! then looking in the mirror and getting the ultimate satisfaction of seeing them running after you but to no avail. you need to cross post this. i think there is a petty revenge sub? because this is gold.
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nta- a better way, like calling the police on them for locking you out of your property?
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nta , maybe i'm bias because i love what you did, but i think it's fair. they locked you out of your trailer and stole the keys ! you're not wrong for getting back at them
questions though ? y'all aren't like , kids right ? because i think that would be kinda not ok if you stranded some 18 year olds like that.
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nta. you did your friend an enormous favor by giving them a ride and a place to stay only for them to kick you out. honestly they sound like entitled assholes and for all of the people call you the ah, hind sight is 20/20. i’m not saying that it’s not possible you couldn’t have found a better solution but in the heat of the moment, after having slept in your truck, you get a pass.
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nta. with more training, they might’ve caught up. they should thank you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home. </s>
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AITA For telling my boyfriend I want nothing to do with his kid?
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i met my boyfriend while he was going through his divorce from his cheating wife. over the past almost 3 years, his daughter who is now 17 has gone out of her way to be terrible to me even though i've literally done nothing to deserve it other then being her dad's girlfriend. i've also been very patient and understanding given the circumstances. i moved in with him this summer and she moved in with her mother shortly after. well, once again she's been an ass to me and i've told my boyfriend i don't want to be around her anymore and don't want to have anything to do with her. am i really the asshole for not wanting to put up with this crap anymore?? especially since he treats her like she's not doing anything wrong by being so awful to me!
| 498
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfgbm1/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_i_want_nothing_to/
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2020-10-21 16:34:38
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info your post doesn't describe any bad treatment from the daughter. has she actually done anything disrespectful?
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yta
he is a parent first and foremost. a 17 year old whose parents are divorcing needs her parents to be there for her. you should not be living with them at all right now. if he does what you want now, then he's an asshole too.
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yta you moved into her house and want nothing to do with her, forcing her to move out. wow. you’re expecting a teenager going through her parents divorce to be more reasonable than you are.
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you can't date a parent and then have nothing to do with their kids.
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info there’s really not enough information here. it sounds like a venting session but it’s suspicious how there’s no details at all going on. we need actual points to reference to make a judgment, not just your feelings.
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she’s still technically underage so how is she supposed to see him if she can’t come over to his house?
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yta.
your a adult and she’s a child. your replacing her mam whether you want to admit that or not.
believe me your boyfriend will always, always choose his daughter over you.
go learn some empathy.
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yta. you should have brought this situation up more calmy and talked to the daughter on your feelings towards her
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yta... you chose to be with someone with a kid and you have to accept that children will always have the priority over anyone else, no matter how in love you are. you’re an adult. it shouldn’t be that difficult to speak to her and try to get to the root of the issue. if he were to talk to her, believe me, she’d hate you even more than before.
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yta - you're asking your boyfriend to cut off his own daughter, that's ridiculous. what do you expect to happen? she'll never visit again? you'll never be in the house when she's visiting her father? that's not realistic--no (good) parent is going to choose their girlfriend over their minor child. you also need to let go of this idea that a teenager is persecuting you--the only way this will work long-term is to come to some kind of understanding, possibly with the help of a third party.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.027063
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met my boyfriend while he was going through his divorce from his cheating wife. over the past almost 3 years, his daughter who is now 17 has gone out of her way to be terrible to me even though i've literally done nothing to deserve it other then being her dad's girlfriend. i've also been very patient and understanding given the circumstances. i moved in with him this summer and she moved in with her mother shortly after. well, once again she's been an ass to me and i've told my boyfriend i don't want to be around her anymore and don't want to have anything to do with her. am i really the asshole for not wanting to put up with this crap anymore?? especially since he treats her like she's not doing anything wrong by being so awful to me!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i met my boyfriend while he was going through his divorce from his cheating wife. over the past almost 3 years, his daughter who is now 17 has gone out of her way to be terrible to me even though i've literally done nothing to deserve it other then being her dad's girlfriend. i've also been very patient and understanding given the circumstances. i moved in with him this summer and she moved in with her mother shortly after. well, once again she's been an ass to me and i've told my boyfriend i don't want to be around her anymore and don't want to have anything to do with her. am i really the asshole for not wanting to put up with this crap anymore?? especially since he treats her like she's not doing anything wrong by being so awful to me! [/INST] info your post doesn't describe any bad treatment from the daughter. has she actually done anything disrespectful? </s>
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AITA for walking out in the middle of my boyfriend's birthday party?
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i f25 have been with my boyfriend m28 of 3 years. our relationship is great and we rarely fight. his birthday was days ago, i wanted to do something together but his parents already decided to host the party at their house.
my boyfriend got there first, i showed up after i got off work and he was there with the guests busy talking and greeting in the backyard.
i took a seat in the back and his sister showed up with her husband and son jake. we're not on good terms btw. she said hi then asked if i could watch her son jake i was like "umm" but she disappeared and left her kid with me before i could even answer so i decided to just keep an eye on him til she gets back since he was sitting across from me
i spilled my drink on my top which was messy. i gave jake my phone to play on it and asked him to sit still til i get back then i went to use the bathroom to clean up the stain. clearly jake walked towards the pool and the floor was slippery so he slepped and fell and injured his knee. that's when i heard loud noise coming from outside like people panicking. i went to see what's going on and saw my boyfriend and his family with jake.
i heard my boyfriend's dad ask who was "supposed" to watch jake and his sister said my name.
my boyfriend saw me and shouted "op where the hell have you been? how could let this happen?" i was taken i said aback i said was in the bathroom cleaning up the stain. he asked is the stain more important than my nephew? i explained that his family or his mother should've kept an eye on him. he said there are many guests so they probably didn't notice and said i should stop turning this around on his family since i agreed to watch jake i said no i did not initially agree to watch jake and came to the party as a guest not a babysitter and that his sister just dumped him on me and disappeared without even waiting to hear if i was going to say no.
we had an argument and i got fed up being presented with ahypothetical scenario after a hypothetical scenario of what could've happened if jake fell inside the pool and was blamed to no end so i grapped my stuff and walked out. my boyfriend's parents saw me leave and he followed me asking me to wait and return but i refused. he said i have no reason to be upset but more reason to be worried just like they all were and insisted i go back inside but i got in my car and left.
he came back later looking pissed.he said that yes while it might be his sister's fault for still bringing her son after he stated he didn't want kids there because of the pool but said i ruined the party by walking out and refusing to take responsibility and admit i should've made sure jake was safe before leaving him out of my sight wether i agreed to watch him or not. he said his parents are rightfully upset and didn't appreciate my behavior earlier on then walking out which hurt him on a personal level since his birthday should mean something to me. i felt like he might be right and mishandled this entire situation. aita?
jake is 4 years old.
| 7,491
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pm6d4q/aita_for_walking_out_in_the_middle_of_my/
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2021-09-11 12:14:44
|
esh.
she shouldn't have ditched her kid with you, but it's not shocking to understand why you shouldn't leave a toddler alone, especially by a pool. did you really think telling him to "sit still" was going to work?
there's immaturity in both ends in this post.
|
esh. i can totally see where you’re coming from that you didn’t agree to look after the nephew. however, you should have had someone else watch the child rather than leave them unattended. whether that be the child’s parents or grandparents or even your partner. your partner was rightfully concerned, the child could have been hurt and it would have been your responsibility because you were, in fact, watching the kid. but he shouldn’t have had this conversation in front of everyone.
you shouldn’t have left the party either, instead of doing this you could have had a conversation with your partner afterwards where you could have explained your frustrations at having the nephew left in your care when you didn’t agree to it.
i think all parties involved could have handled this situation better, including your partners sister!
|
going with yta. all you needed to do was walk the kid to his mum and hand him over. say sorry i need to fix my shirt. all done.
|
esh
the sister shouldn’t just be dumping her kid on anyone without their permission so this is just as much her fault as yours and it’s garbage that nobody is blaming her as well.
if you didn’t want to watch him you should have just walked him right back to his mother. but you didn’t, you even gave him your phone and told him to stay put, so whether you initially agreed or not doesn’t actually matter, you accepted the responsibility and shouldn’t have left him unattended.
|
ok so you did in fact leave a kid, that you knew no one else was watching, unsupervised next to a pool? and when confronted with that fact, cared only to deny responsibility rather than show some care about his safety?
esh because everyone should have been calmer and more adult about this. your bf could have spoken to you less aggressively. jake's mom shouldn't have dumped him on you. his parents could probably back off on their criticism, but walking out was rude.
but... your reaction is very much like 'meh if anything happens to the kid it's not my fault because i didn't want to watch him' which is a crappy and uncaring way to think about a kid, regardless of how their parents acted with you, which is why your bf is upset. if he'd fallen in the pool would you just shrug and go 'not my problem to pull him out, his mom shouldn't have left him with me'? no? because that's kind of the attitude you're showing here, and it's understandable to be upset by that.
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nta for not wanting to watch the kid but yta for leaving him alone. you should have brought him to his parents or grandparents and that would be it. nta for leaving the party after you und your boyfriend hat the argument.
|
[deleted]
|
esh. you are 100% right. about everything. but none of that matters. a child is more important than your stained shirt or your inconvenience or your hurt feelings. you should have used your voice to say no or walked the child to his parents and handed him to them before leaving him unattended. frankly, with there being a pool, everyone is lucky this wasn’t much worse. and yes it would have been your fault.
|
oh my god, what is wrong with you people!?!
this was not her child to watch, nor her responsibility. a parent does not get to dump a child on someone, just because!
the parents are at fault here. blaming the op for leaving a 4 yo when his own parents did the same thing.
nta
|
ESH
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.464974
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f25 have been with my boyfriend m28 of 3 years. our relationship is great and we rarely fight. his birthday was days ago, i wanted to do something together but his parents already decided to host the party at their house. my boyfriend got there first, i showed up after i got off work and he was there with the guests busy talking and greeting in the backyard. i took a seat in the back and his sister showed up with her husband and son jake. we're not on good terms btw. she said hi then asked if i could watch her son jake i was like "umm" but she disappeared and left her kid with me before i could even answer so i decided to just keep an eye on him til she gets back since he was sitting across from me i spilled my drink on my top which was messy. i gave jake my phone to play on it and asked him to sit still til i get back then i went to use the bathroom to clean up the stain. clearly jake walked towards the pool and the floor was slippery so he slepped and fell and injured his knee. that's when i heard loud noise coming from outside like people panicking. i went to see what's going on and saw my boyfriend and his family with jake. i heard my boyfriend's dad ask who was "supposed" to watch jake and his sister said my name. my boyfriend saw me and shouted "op where the hell have you been? how could let this happen?" i was taken i said aback i said was in the bathroom cleaning up the stain. he asked is the stain more important than my nephew? i explained that his family or his mother should've kept an eye on him. he said there are many guests so they probably didn't notice and said i should stop turning this around on his family since i agreed to watch jake i said no i did not initially agree to watch jake and came to the party as a guest not a babysitter and that his sister just dumped him on me and disappeared without even waiting to hear if i was going to say no. we had an argument and i got fed up being presented with ahypothetical scenario after a hypothetical scenario of what could've happened if jake fell inside the pool and was blamed to no end so i grapped my stuff and walked out. my boyfriend's parents saw me leave and he followed me asking me to wait and return but i refused. he said i have no reason to be upset but more reason to be worried just like they all were and insisted i go back inside but i got in my car and left. he came back later looking pissed.he said that yes while it might be his sister's fault for still bringing her son after he stated he didn't want kids there because of the pool but said i ruined the party by walking out and refusing to take responsibility and admit i should've made sure jake was safe before leaving him out of my sight wether i agreed to watch him or not. he said his parents are rightfully upset and didn't appreciate my behavior earlier on then walking out which hurt him on a personal level since his birthday should mean something to me. i felt like he might be right and mishandled this entire situation. aita? jake is 4 years old.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f25 have been with my boyfriend m28 of 3 years. our relationship is great and we rarely fight. his birthday was days ago, i wanted to do something together but his parents already decided to host the party at their house. my boyfriend got there first, i showed up after i got off work and he was there with the guests busy talking and greeting in the backyard. i took a seat in the back and his sister showed up with her husband and son jake. we're not on good terms btw. she said hi then asked if i could watch her son jake i was like "umm" but she disappeared and left her kid with me before i could even answer so i decided to just keep an eye on him til she gets back since he was sitting across from me i spilled my drink on my top which was messy. i gave jake my phone to play on it and asked him to sit still til i get back then i went to use the bathroom to clean up the stain. clearly jake walked towards the pool and the floor was slippery so he slepped and fell and injured his knee. that's when i heard loud noise coming from outside like people panicking. i went to see what's going on and saw my boyfriend and his family with jake. i heard my boyfriend's dad ask who was "supposed" to watch jake and his sister said my name. my boyfriend saw me and shouted "op where the hell have you been? how could let this happen?" i was taken i said aback i said was in the bathroom cleaning up the stain. he asked is the stain more important than my nephew? i explained that his family or his mother should've kept an eye on him. he said there are many guests so they probably didn't notice and said i should stop turning this around on his family since i agreed to watch jake i said no i did not initially agree to watch jake and came to the party as a guest not a babysitter and that his sister just dumped him on me and disappeared without even waiting to hear if i was going to say no. we had an argument and i got fed up being presented with ahypothetical scenario after a hypothetical scenario of what could've happened if jake fell inside the pool and was blamed to no end so i grapped my stuff and walked out. my boyfriend's parents saw me leave and he followed me asking me to wait and return but i refused. he said i have no reason to be upset but more reason to be worried just like they all were and insisted i go back inside but i got in my car and left. he came back later looking pissed.he said that yes while it might be his sister's fault for still bringing her son after he stated he didn't want kids there because of the pool but said i ruined the party by walking out and refusing to take responsibility and admit i should've made sure jake was safe before leaving him out of my sight wether i agreed to watch him or not. he said his parents are rightfully upset and didn't appreciate my behavior earlier on then walking out which hurt him on a personal level since his birthday should mean something to me. i felt like he might be right and mishandled this entire situation. aita? jake is 4 years old. [/INST] esh. she shouldn't have ditched her kid with you, but it's not shocking to understand why you shouldn't leave a toddler alone, especially by a pool. did you really think telling him to "sit still" was going to work? there's immaturity in both ends in this post. </s>
|
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that people don’t enjoy her parties?
|
okay so, my girlfriend loves hosting parties. that’s her thing and i love that about her. however i don’t believe that the people in our life are the right guests for the type of parties she throws. let me explain: we (both 28) have a beautiful apt. it’s old with high ceilings and dark wood trim. it’s nice af compared to what most people our age have. we spend days getting ready. cooking, cleaning, decor, cocktail list and ingredients, candles. she loves high effort gathering. i do too… sometimes. but it’s always this way with her. i have felt for awhile that we need to reserve these parties for special occasions, maybe 1 a year, and that we should have more relaxed casual gatherings where we don’t clean and have a simple meal, maybe some beers. i know when i go to someone’s house and it’s all done up and they’re all like “welcooome!” i feel a little uncomfortable. i’ve expressed that i worry that our friends feel this way. to me, i feel that i can feel it in the air. like i can tell certain people do indeed feel this way. anyways i can never win when we have these conversations. it always comes down to “this is who i am and my friends should know that.” so anyways, we had a small gathering tonight, us and 2 other couples of the same age. right away she gets to serving them cocktails from our bar. as she’s serving one of the guys, he jokingly says that everything is so nice that it’s making him uncomfortable. my ears perk up at this because i know it’s true. and again, i can just feel it in the air. the burstiness is low. everyone seems on edge. i believe that people aren’t comfortable. anyways after the party, i bring up the comment and my concern about what it means. i say that i don’t think people fully enjoy our parties. she says i’m against her. now i’ve ruined the night for her. i could have been more gentle, but it’s hard when it keeps coming up.
| 3,948
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rdrve4/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_people_dont/
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2021-12-11 04:47:42
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nah
and frankly, you're speaking my fears into reality here. i'm a lot like your girlfriend. i love hosting "high-effort" (never heard it phrased that way, but you nailed it) gatherings.
i'm sure there's a lot of pop psychology of fear of inadequacy and all that shit wrapped up in it, but i really do legitimately enjoy it.
my suggestion is just to do what my husband does - pick up a case of beer and a pack of hot dogs and invite your friends over. emphasis on the your because you're speaking for yourself. but let her see that "low effort" gatherings can also be a different kind of fun.
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i’m trying to understand why anyone would feel uncomfortable because someone actually took the time make things nice for a small get together with friends? seems like i would be more inclined to be uncomfortable if there was no effort put in at all. sounds like this is what it’s like when worlds don’t collide
i wouldn’t say yta, but it’s just a little weird
|
yta
she's hosting the party, you already admitted it's not your thing. it's a lot of work and effort to host, even when you enjoy it.
leave her alone. if someone jokes it's fancy, make them feel more at ease, don't go running to her to complain people aren't comfortable.
sounds like you just don't like hosting and you want her to stop, and you're making up reasons that you know would get to her (like other people being uncomfortable)
also, my husband pulls this shit all the time and has wantdd me to downgrade our events (like our wedding) and you know what, everyone fucking loved it. it was just him.
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you're uncomfortable so you're assuming other people are uncomfortable and because of one jokey comment, you decided it was fact. maybe don't yuck on her yum unless you know for sure that people don't like her parties. yta
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yta. seems like you’re jumping to conclusions about how other people feel. i’d be hurt if i were her too.
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yta. it seems hosting over the top parties is something that brings her joy. i would do anything to support something that brings my partner joy.
|
yta
you really rained on her parade, op. could it be people are on edge because you are so worried about what they might think, that you bring down the mood?
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info: why don’t you ask your friends what type of party they prefer rather than make assumptions?
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it seems as though had things gone well (according to you) tonight it would have been “our gathering” but on the nights when things don’t go well (according to you) it’s “*her* parties”. did you notice how you titled the post?
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yta.
just own it and say you are uncomfortable.
she’s right: these are her friends and they all come to her parties. why do you feel you know her friends better than her? and if they have been coming for years and are uncomfortable, why do they continue to come?
you are uncomfortable. you want to kick back with friends over beer or to have a potluck. great! you don’t need to convince your gf that her friends secretly dislike her parties. you can just ask to host one of your own.
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
| 0.041117
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so, my girlfriend loves hosting parties. that’s her thing and i love that about her. however i don’t believe that the people in our life are the right guests for the type of parties she throws. let me explain: we (both 28) have a beautiful apt. it’s old with high ceilings and dark wood trim. it’s nice af compared to what most people our age have. we spend days getting ready. cooking, cleaning, decor, cocktail list and ingredients, candles. she loves high effort gathering. i do too… sometimes. but it’s always this way with her. i have felt for awhile that we need to reserve these parties for special occasions, maybe 1 a year, and that we should have more relaxed casual gatherings where we don’t clean and have a simple meal, maybe some beers. i know when i go to someone’s house and it’s all done up and they’re all like “welcooome!” i feel a little uncomfortable. i’ve expressed that i worry that our friends feel this way. to me, i feel that i can feel it in the air. like i can tell certain people do indeed feel this way. anyways i can never win when we have these conversations. it always comes down to “this is who i am and my friends should know that.” so anyways, we had a small gathering tonight, us and 2 other couples of the same age. right away she gets to serving them cocktails from our bar. as she’s serving one of the guys, he jokingly says that everything is so nice that it’s making him uncomfortable. my ears perk up at this because i know it’s true. and again, i can just feel it in the air. the burstiness is low. everyone seems on edge. i believe that people aren’t comfortable. anyways after the party, i bring up the comment and my concern about what it means. i say that i don’t think people fully enjoy our parties. she says i’m against her. now i’ve ruined the night for her. i could have been more gentle, but it’s hard when it keeps coming up.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so, my girlfriend loves hosting parties. that’s her thing and i love that about her. however i don’t believe that the people in our life are the right guests for the type of parties she throws. let me explain: we (both 28) have a beautiful apt. it’s old with high ceilings and dark wood trim. it’s nice af compared to what most people our age have. we spend days getting ready. cooking, cleaning, decor, cocktail list and ingredients, candles. she loves high effort gathering. i do too… sometimes. but it’s always this way with her. i have felt for awhile that we need to reserve these parties for special occasions, maybe 1 a year, and that we should have more relaxed casual gatherings where we don’t clean and have a simple meal, maybe some beers. i know when i go to someone’s house and it’s all done up and they’re all like “welcooome!” i feel a little uncomfortable. i’ve expressed that i worry that our friends feel this way. to me, i feel that i can feel it in the air. like i can tell certain people do indeed feel this way. anyways i can never win when we have these conversations. it always comes down to “this is who i am and my friends should know that.” so anyways, we had a small gathering tonight, us and 2 other couples of the same age. right away she gets to serving them cocktails from our bar. as she’s serving one of the guys, he jokingly says that everything is so nice that it’s making him uncomfortable. my ears perk up at this because i know it’s true. and again, i can just feel it in the air. the burstiness is low. everyone seems on edge. i believe that people aren’t comfortable. anyways after the party, i bring up the comment and my concern about what it means. i say that i don’t think people fully enjoy our parties. she says i’m against her. now i’ve ruined the night for her. i could have been more gentle, but it’s hard when it keeps coming up. [/INST] nah and frankly, you're speaking my fears into reality here. i'm a lot like your girlfriend. i love hosting "high-effort" (never heard it phrased that way, but you nailed it) gatherings. i'm sure there's a lot of pop psychology of fear of inadequacy and all that shit wrapped up in it, but i really do legitimately enjoy it. my suggestion is just to do what my husband does - pick up a case of beer and a pack of hot dogs and invite your friends over. emphasis on the your because you're speaking for yourself. but let her see that "low effort" gatherings can also be a different kind of fun. </s>
|
WIBTAH if I took a secret DNA test?
|
i 27f think i could be an affair baby or was switched at birth. i honestly don’t know if it is just something i imagined or if it could be true. my suspicion is based solely on me being different from my family.
my dad (62m) is a black man and my mom (59f) is a blond white woman. i have 2 siblings a 33m and a 23f, but i don’t look anything like them or my dad.
my brother and sister are both brown and have similar facial structure that look just like my dad while i am super white and have a round face. they have the same curly hair while mine is straight, they are both athletic (my dad is super skinny) while i’m on the chubby side. i am taller than my mom and my dad, while my sister is super short.
in general it’s already a joke that i am the odd one out, physically and my personality that is different from my family. i think i could be an affair baby only because my mom also has a round face. but that is as far as similarity goes.
at the same time i don’t think she cheated on my dad, that is why i think i could have been switched at birth. lol
like, i once went to the mall with my dad and the sales woman thought i was his girlfriend because i look nothing like him.
i was talking to my sister and she said she would take the dna test with me, because every time i ask my mom if she has anything to tell me she gets super offended at the ideia that she cheated on my dad. i don’t want to upset her or my dad, but at this point this is really bugging me.
so reddit, would i be the ah if i took a secret dna test with my sister only because i don’t look like my family?
| 2,067
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qbfo69/wibtah_if_i_took_a_secret_dna_test/
|
2021-10-19 16:54:32
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nah…but use caution
there are tons of siblings that don’t look like one another, and that’s just how gene expression works. you’re an adult, you can do what you want, there is not harm in taking a dna test.
however, the if results come back not as expected. just be aware of how you may feel and how this could effect your family. if you seriously want to do this, recognize the seriousness of the potential consequences.
|
>she gets offended because it is something he did throughout their marriage.
or maybe she gets offended because she's being accused of cheating. even people who haven't been cheated on would get offended for being accused of it.
take the test if you want to but don't act like she's the one being suspicious
|
as a fellow biracial person i can tell you that me and my two siblings look nothing alike. seriously, all three of us are different - right up to three different eye colours. i have never questioned my dna (minus when i was being an overdramatic teen arguing with my parents - but i knew it wasn't true :).
nta if you do it to help ease your mind. that said, be cautious and think through all the long-term effects on the off chance that there is no dna connection.
good luck! :)
|
nta
you are an adult. your sister is an adult.
if you are both willing to take a test, do so.
please provide us with an update after you do it.
good luck
|
slight yta for constantly accusing your mom of cheating. you know there could be other reasons besides cheating that could have resulted in a baby, right? are you prepared for all outcomes of your decision?
genetics are weird. one of my husband's coworkers is white, blond and skinny like his mom and his two sisters are brown and polynesian looking like their dad. my cousin's 8 year old looks exactly like me when i was that age, even though my cousin and i only share korean genetics (he is half white, i am multiracial).
if the test will give you peace of mind, do it. but is it the answer you really want?
|
soft yta.
your mom gets super offended when you suggest that she cheated on you dad? gee i wonder why. if you had a kid that came up to you suggesting you cheated on their dad, wouldn't you get offended as well?
there are plenty of mixed families out there. dna works in odd ways. one sibling can look white while the next is dark. it doesn't mean that one is an affair baby while the other is not.
take the test if you really want to. however as it is now all is fine except in your own head. are you prepared for what might come if worst came to worst and said test did prove dad wasn't your dad?
|
if it's bugging you, go ahead. it's your body and you're an adult. genetics are complicated. i'm sure you've seen pictures of twins where one is brown-skinned with dark hair, and the other is pale-skinned with blonde hair.
but you're an ah for insinuating that your mom cheated on your dad without any proof.
|
if you are feeling lost and just wanting to know the truth, you should pursue answers. just be cautious because sometimes the answers we find aren't what we're looking/hoping for. if nothing comes of the search, just realize genetics can be weird.
soft yta though bc it's kinda not sitting right you accuse or imply your mother cheated, whilst it was your father who cheated before and during their relationship. 😬 i definitely see why she would be so offended.
|
i'd say you're an asshole for repeatedly and seriously pressuring your mom to confess you're an affair baby, and if this gets you to finally stop, go ahead.
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yta for constantly accusing your mom of cheating. please don’t tell her why you took the test if it turns out she didn’t- it’s super insulting to tell her that you didn’t believe her about not cheating
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.56814
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 27f think i could be an affair baby or was switched at birth. i honestly don’t know if it is just something i imagined or if it could be true. my suspicion is based solely on me being different from my family. my dad (62m) is a black man and my mom (59f) is a blond white woman. i have 2 siblings a 33m and a 23f, but i don’t look anything like them or my dad. my brother and sister are both brown and have similar facial structure that look just like my dad while i am super white and have a round face. they have the same curly hair while mine is straight, they are both athletic (my dad is super skinny) while i’m on the chubby side. i am taller than my mom and my dad, while my sister is super short. in general it’s already a joke that i am the odd one out, physically and my personality that is different from my family. i think i could be an affair baby only because my mom also has a round face. but that is as far as similarity goes. at the same time i don’t think she cheated on my dad, that is why i think i could have been switched at birth. lol like, i once went to the mall with my dad and the sales woman thought i was his girlfriend because i look nothing like him. i was talking to my sister and she said she would take the dna test with me, because every time i ask my mom if she has anything to tell me she gets super offended at the ideia that she cheated on my dad. i don’t want to upset her or my dad, but at this point this is really bugging me. so reddit, would i be the ah if i took a secret dna test with my sister only because i don’t look like my family?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 27f think i could be an affair baby or was switched at birth. i honestly don’t know if it is just something i imagined or if it could be true. my suspicion is based solely on me being different from my family. my dad (62m) is a black man and my mom (59f) is a blond white woman. i have 2 siblings a 33m and a 23f, but i don’t look anything like them or my dad. my brother and sister are both brown and have similar facial structure that look just like my dad while i am super white and have a round face. they have the same curly hair while mine is straight, they are both athletic (my dad is super skinny) while i’m on the chubby side. i am taller than my mom and my dad, while my sister is super short. in general it’s already a joke that i am the odd one out, physically and my personality that is different from my family. i think i could be an affair baby only because my mom also has a round face. but that is as far as similarity goes. at the same time i don’t think she cheated on my dad, that is why i think i could have been switched at birth. lol like, i once went to the mall with my dad and the sales woman thought i was his girlfriend because i look nothing like him. i was talking to my sister and she said she would take the dna test with me, because every time i ask my mom if she has anything to tell me she gets super offended at the ideia that she cheated on my dad. i don’t want to upset her or my dad, but at this point this is really bugging me. so reddit, would i be the ah if i took a secret dna test with my sister only because i don’t look like my family? [/INST] nah…but use caution there are tons of siblings that don’t look like one another, and that’s just how gene expression works. you’re an adult, you can do what you want, there is not harm in taking a dna test. however, the if results come back not as expected. just be aware of how you may feel and how this could effect your family. if you seriously want to do this, recognize the seriousness of the potential consequences. </s>
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AITA for getting my daughter lip injections?
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i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter.
my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has.
my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up.
we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face.
when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants.
of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita?
| 16,308
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fgg4k4/aita_for_getting_my_daughter_lip_injections/
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2020-03-10 16:05:16
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yta. for not *talking to the other parent,* because avoiding difficult conversations is a deeply immature thing to do, especially when it involves your daughter.
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yta for not clearing it with her father first, knowing full well he was against it. the girl’s gonna be an adult in less than a year, you could have waited and avoided this.
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esh but mainly you for not talking to your daughters father (aka her primary guardian) about this. it’s pretty disrespectful that you didn’t at least consult him about it. her father sucks as well but only for saying that you destroyed your daughters face, which couldnt help her confidence. but i would say 99% yta
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esh
this should have been a discussion with your ex because it’s a big decision and you’re coparenting.
he sucks for saying you ruined her face when she wanted the procedure done and likely likes it
i wouldn’t worry too much about visitation if she’s 17, custody pretty much doesn’t matter once she’s an adult
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yta, you did this behind her father's back(who is her primary caregiver) and while she's a minor. that alone makes yta.
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if you were going to pay for it and find a good doctor, you could have told your daughter of your plans and asked her to wait until she is a legal adult to get the lip injections.
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nta she’s 17 and if she’s been this serious about it for 7 years now i doubt it’ll change in 12 more months.
i do agree that you should have told her father first but he’s completely wrong for saying you “ruined her face”
(as far as i know) most lip fillers go down after a while so it’s not like it’ll be that that for forever
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oh, this should be good.
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nta i am going against the grain here. i completely understand everyone's logic on saying you are the asshole. it isn't a good idea to really encourage plastic surgery on kids, but there is a point where i get it. i'm sure you and her father have told her since she was 12 she is beautiful the way she is.
some people are saying to teach her to 'deal with bullying.' i'm not sure those people were every bullied for something they cannot help. also, when since is it the victims problem to deal with it? this is something that has probably been addressed by teachers before. this doesn't stop the nicknames or the damage already done. when i was a kid, i was bullied for the long dark hair on my arms. told if i shaved it i'd look more feminine. so i did. even as adult i still do, and i won't let them grow out. i have that option to change that though. nobody stopped me from shaving. nobody stops girls from putting on way to much make-up, straightening their hair, or coloring their hair.
you made a controversial decision. i absolutely understand why many would be against it. however, it is a reversible process and it was done by a good doctor. otherwise, she probably would have started doing that terrible kylie jenner lip challenge or something.
she was going to do it as soon as she turned 18 anyways. with that kind of savings, we know that. you just made sure it was done right.
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yta - from what you said either you have joint custody or he has custody and you have visitation
she’s still a minor and you should’ve discussed it with him prior
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| 0.320187
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter. my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has. my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up. we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face. when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants. of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter. my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has. my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up. we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face. when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants. of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita? [/INST] yta. for not *talking to the other parent,* because avoiding difficult conversations is a deeply immature thing to do, especially when it involves your daughter. </s>
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AITA for not speaking to my parents again after they put my cat down
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for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away.
i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings".
i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10.
i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
| 25,020
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdyy9z/aita_for_not_speaking_to_my_parents_again_after/
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2020-03-05 17:46:14
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nta.
>they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally?
i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two.
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nta.
it's bad enough - *gigantic* asshole behavior - to put down your daugher's pet without telling her first when it was entirely possible to ensure she (you, op) had the opportunity to say goodbye first.
but to **berate** you for being upset with them and they refuse to apologize?
>i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me,
they can go **fuck** themselves. i'd never speak with them again either.
it requires **so little** common sense to comprehend this, that i genuinely wonder if either of your parents have a mental illness.
i just can't think of any other reasonable explanation for behaving in such an unintelligent manner. it's just **so stupid** it's hard to comprehend.
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a beautiful and tragic moment? what the actual fuck. fuck them. don't talk to them until they apologize for not informing you - that was not their cat, that was your pet and family and fuck them
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nta is this your regular vet? if so, why would they let your parents make such an important decision when it isn’t their cat? did they pretend it was theirs? this whole situation is just crazy.
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info: have you called the vet?
i dont mean to be rude....but this whole thing feels fake without that information.
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nta
it sounded like he wasn't in so much pain he had to be put down immediately. there's no reason they should have made that call. i would be furious too, along with my heartbreak. i'm sorry you had to lose your pal in such a horrible way.
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nta, at least for being angry at your parents. by all means get some distance, but if they have genuine remorse give them the opportunity to apologize.
but the part you're downplaying is the role of the vet in this. it doesn't sound right to me that a vet would be able to euthanize a pet without the owner's approval. unless there are extenuating circumstances why your parents would have your approval to make medical decisions for your cat, that seems like an ethical violation to me. not only would i be looking for a new vet in the future and trashing the place on social media, but i would be looking to see if there's an overseeing regulatory board that they can be reported to.
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nta nta nta. i’m so sorry that happened!
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yta but just because this is obviously made up. tests to confirm would take more than a hour, and the cat would likely need to be fasting. also, any reputable vet has a listing of those allowed to make medical decisions for the pet. for my dog, i could have someone else take him to an appointment but the vet is not legally allowed to do anything without my approval.
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nta and i would be calling the vet and wanting to know why a euthanasia decision was made without calling the owner first! that's ridiculous! it's not like the cat was in immediate suffering that needed to end asap, they could keep it comfortable until they reached you. you're parents were well-meaning assholes but i'd be more furious with the vet clinic. also, to make that call without doing bloodwork?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.074074
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. [/INST] nta. >they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally? i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two. </s>
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AITA for "making" my daughter choose who she wants to walk her down the aisle (me, or her stepdad)?
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i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent.
i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks.
chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?.
she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue.
her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it.
| 14,719
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sfgdjk/aita_for_making_my_daughter_choose_who_she_wants/
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2022-01-29 11:35:58
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yta. you’re gone the vast majority of her life so far and she still wants to include you in her wedding, even though you didn’t raise her? and your response to that is to make it about yourself?
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yta. another man raised your child and you have the balls to issue an ultimatum? you're lucky to even be invited to the wedding.
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wow. yta. 100%. way to make her day about you. what is wrong with you. you’re lucky she even wanted to include you. you sound very immature.
by the way this is actually a normal thing to do now. i’ve seen several stories and wedding pics with this. it’s meant to honor both fathers. not that you sound like you deserve it now. you should google it now and see where she was getting her inspiration from though.
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[removed]
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yta. how dare your daughter want both of her father figures, two men who mean a great deal to her, to be part of her wedding. the audacity of her to think her own wedding should be about her and the people who make her happy. please explain how your reasoning could be *anything* other than petty, because as it is you've provided none.
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i’m not saying this to be mean, op, but you were (mostly?) absent the first 16 years of her life, during which time he was her father figure. why do you harbor resentment towards him!? he’s done nothing wrong, he has by all accounts been a good father to her. the problem is you, your attitude. you want your daughter to choose you as her only father figure for her wedding, and that’s unreasonable. and her mother is the reason you’re having a problem? nope. it’s your ego. yta
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yta. sounds like " nothing is ever your fault " and its either all or nothing. a crappy thing to do to your daughter for her wedding. id say just dont go at that point.
your only job in life is to keep your kids happy, healthy, and love them unconditionally.
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yta. respect her wish and just accept that her stepdad plays a huge role in her life. he was there when you weren't for what reasons.
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yta. the fact she wants to include both of you shows she is mature enough to acknowledge you have both had a part in her life...too bad you aren't nearly as mature..
grow up..
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deadbeat dad says what?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent. i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks. chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?. she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue. her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent. i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks. chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?. she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue. her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it. [/INST] yta. you’re gone the vast majority of her life so far and she still wants to include you in her wedding, even though you didn’t raise her? and your response to that is to make it about yourself? </s>
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AITA for enforcing my house rules on my wife's brother?
|
my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago.
he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed.
last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs.
aita here?
| 17,836
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1b011/aita_for_enforcing_my_house_rules_on_my_wifes/
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2022-01-11 11:39:48
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yta. your wife is right. why on earth should a 20 year old have a curfew and have his eating times policed? also, you made a unilateral decision about your wife’s brother without even consulting your wife?
you sound already like an overbearing parent, and this is towards an adult who isn’t your kid. i feel horrible for your wife and kids.
|
try this parenting tactic:
"hey kids, if you're wondering why sean doesn't have to obey the rules that you do, it's because he's an adult and not my child. when you are an adult, you will get to come home later than 8pm too."
yta.
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yta.
giving an adult a curfew of 8:00 is insane, as is trying to dictate when he eats. wearing airpods at the table is rude, but i completely understand why he would want to tune you out so he gets a pass on that.
why are you trying to parent a fully grown adult?
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yta.
you're not his parent. you're not his guardian.
he's 20 year old and is not doing anything wrong.
get over yourself. stop wanting to control him.
would you have the same rules if your parents were coming to stay with you ?
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yta
to me this sounds like "i don't want her brother here, but i cant say that, so i will just makenup other stuff."
you children witness behaviour they aren't allowed to particioate in all day long. do you not drive, because you children cant? do you never ever drink a glass of wine or a beer infront of them because they cant?
i get that his use of electronics is a bit rude, but telling an adult guest when to be home, when to eat and so on is controlling.
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bro, you insane.
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yta. this isn't only your household, but your wifes too. your bil is still grieving and it is not unreasonable for an adult to ask not to have a curfew, or eat when he is hungry. he can make those decisions himself and you are overstepping trying to enforce this. the earbuds while eating i get, but he just seems stressed out. staying out to ten is not unusual for a twenty year old and not at all reckless behaviour - you are treating him like a child.
also, your children aren't learning any reckless behaviour. they learn that you are insanely controlling and will continue to do so well into their adulthood. you should reflect on that here. he's an adult and you are on a power trip!
do you stick to all those rules yourself? cause i sure hope so.
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yta -- an 8pm curfew is insane. it's not that hard to explain to your kids why sean (an adult) can stay up later than children
i understand having some sort of boundaries, but as it is some of your rules *are* unreasonable for an actual adult. i'm sure he'd be more willing to follow the most important rules if you weren't policing his every move
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…you give your adult housemate a curfew? that’s beyond absurd.
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yta and a control freak.
you expect a 20 year old to not be on their phone, eat to your time schedule and be home at 8pm.
you’re totally unreasonable, get a grip. jeez.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago. he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed. last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago. he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed. last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs. aita here? [/INST] yta. your wife is right. why on earth should a 20 year old have a curfew and have his eating times policed? also, you made a unilateral decision about your wife’s brother without even consulting your wife? you sound already like an overbearing parent, and this is towards an adult who isn’t your kid. i feel horrible for your wife and kids. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom to not have any more kids?
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i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager.
last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita?
tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.
| 25,078
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g95klk/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_not_have_any_more_kids/
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2020-04-27 17:47:50
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nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has.
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nta, your parents want 15 kids in a 4 bedroom house? what the fuck?
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nta. making older children take on a parental role is abuse. i'm so sorry. i hope you're able to get out of there soon.
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nta - so what’s your plan when you’re an adult? in your case i’d say that at 16 i think it’s important to start a plan for getting out of there and doing your own thing.
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nta. i'm the 1st of 10. basically raised 6 kids myself before graduating high school, all while trying to pass my ap exams and get into a good college.
you're nta. and remember that when you leave that place, you don't owe those people anything. no more of that "your responsibility as the oldest" bullshit.
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nta.
fifteen? that’s an oddly specific number. tell her 12 is better. it’s divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 12 and if humans didn’t have 10 fingers you bet we’d be counting to 12 instead of 10 because what’s 1/3 of 10? nothing as nice as 4. the number theoretic advantages of 12 over 15 are off the charts.
serious. that weird numerical obsession of hers is a disservice to real life human beings. she needs to get over herself.
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nta. your parents are being selfish.
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is it legal to have so many kids with so few bedrooms? i thought there was some kind of minimum standard, and i wouldn’t have thought 4 kids per room would meet it, especially if they’re mixed sex. but i may be thinking of foster situations.
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nta, 11 kids?!! what is this the apocalypse and they’re trying to repopulate the earth? i suggest you get out of there once you’re 18. i also suggest you keep an eye on your siblings, if things get bad you can always call cps if your younger siblings are being neglected.
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nta- it is your parents job to parent and its your job to be a kid. yes, you can help out bc you have a large family, but it does not mean for you to do basically all the parenting. op, if possible, once this coronavirus restrictions end, i would try to be out of the house as much as possible-ie- your job, library, etc.
info- 1)what does your dad say to this? 2) have you ever told your parents how you feel? also, have any of your older siblings and the ones that take on responsibility for the younger kids said anything to your parents as a whole? i think its important you sit them down and explain to them (bonus points if your siblings who are impacted join in) what the implications are and what will happen when you guys are off to college and being adults.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is. [/INST] nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has. </s>
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AITA? For blowing up at my husband for lying to me about my sister and her baby leaving when he actually kicked her out?
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my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home.
she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did.
last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing.
yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying.
| 27,224
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tew2yr/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_husband_for_lying_to_me/
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2022-03-15 18:26:01
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nta. he waited until you were out of town so that you couldn't object. so that you couldn't protect her as he- not only kicked her out- but took her fucking phone so she couldn't contact you. he is a dangerous man. he threw a woman and her newborn onto the street without a care in the fucking world.
now, he's threatening to lock you out of your own house. you need to divorce him. immediately.
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divorce this man omg. he went behind your back to do this to your loved one. he faked a letter. he hid her phone from you. this is completely out of proportion to anything that happened. this was unwarranted cruelty and a breach of trust. gtfo of that relationship. he will absolutely repeat that behavior. nta.
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there is a lot wrong with this.
1) the lies and manipulative way your husband went about this - i'm not sure if there is any way of walking that back. you might want to consider leaving him just for that alone.
2) he cared so little about a 20yo with a baby, that he put her out on the street. again, that kind of lack of remorse is kind of a deal-breaker, don't you think?
3) if you are married and live there, it is straight-up illegal for him to change the locks on you.
i could go on, but this is more than enough. nta
girl, run. for real. this guy is bad. you can't move forward with him from here, with this being a part of your history together.
find a place, maybe with your sister as a roommate, and move on with your life.
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nta.
also legally he can't change the locks since you are a tenant (you established residency so even if you aren't on the deed/mortgage/lease whatever you still have a right to the home) and he could get into some pretty hefty legal trouble for trying to bar you from your residence.
you need a lawyer just saying. he's not a safe person if he's willing to try to break the law to keep you from coming back if you get your sister back to safety.
contact a lawyer asap. please. this is a major red flag.
instead of communicating with you, he forced a woman who just escaped an abusive relationship with a baby out of the home and stole her phone which would've notified you sooner. he's a walking red flag. please seek legal counseling.
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nta. and i’m incredibly disturbed he stole her phone. because that’s what he did by “hiding it”.
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it’s illegal to change the locks on marital property.
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nta. he made your sister homeless and then **lied to you**. ***lied to you***. one more time, *lied to you*. this is beyond reddit's paygrade. if he was willing to act this underhanded about your sister, what else is he hiding from you?
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nta
however you should watch your back he seems like a complete ah he is the one who agreed then turned on his word and proceeded to everything he could to cover his lie and then think he has a valid excuse to defend himself after everything he has done and also kick a child to the curb without remorse and not to mention forge a letter and steal your sisters phone which thankfully wasn't needed for an emergency but you never know when an emergency will happen and that phone is her only life line and all this happened because a grown ass man couldn't put in earplugs you have every right to rip him a new one and what's going to happen if you two ever have kids? kick you to the curb too? honestly you could do better than him because he has no word, patience, or empathy for others he is a complete ah
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it’s his house too and he has a say? that only works if you also get a say - otherwise it’s a totally illogical argument. he made your family and a baby homeless without a second thought, and hid it from you, and is now threatening to blow up your marriage (for which i’m assuming he made some vows about for better or worse) because of a baby crying? nta under any circumstances, but i think everyone has already told you what you should be doing next - and it’s not questioning if you are the ah. i hope you’re okay, and i hope you can see how deeply fucked up his behaviour is.
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nta
get you & your sister somewhere safe. that includes away from your husband.
your husband put a 20 year old dealing with mental issues & an infant on the street. and specifically stole her phone so she could not call for help. that’s a huge mark of an abuser - taking someone’s phone so they are isolated & unable to reach out for help. he then faked a letter from her to “explain” her leaving without even saying good bye to you. this was absolutely planned by your husband the moment he knew you were leaving town for a couple days. honestly, i am shocked she & the baby are alive. this is the start of a true crime podcast story. that is serial killer behavior.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home. she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did. last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing. yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home. she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did. last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing. yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying. [/INST] nta. he waited until you were out of town so that you couldn't object. so that you couldn't protect her as he- not only kicked her out- but took her fucking phone so she couldn't contact you. he is a dangerous man. he threw a woman and her newborn onto the street without a care in the fucking world. now, he's threatening to lock you out of your own house. you need to divorce him. immediately. </s>
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AITA for getting upset with my Mom for using the wrong dish soap?
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the title sounds ridiculous but please, hear me out.
i'm a new mom to an almost five month old, and her safety and health are my tippy top priority.
my mother is not exactly of the same mindset with her first grandbaby. she says that the baby needs to be exposed to as much as possible, which is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. by exposed, she means the following:
-licking her pacifier to clean it when it falls on the floor. (i just wash it, but she's admitted to doing this when i was a baby, and to my baby when i'm not around. i was pissed.)
-bringing her outside when it's high pollen so she "doesn't develop allergies".
-bringing her outside without sunscreen or her hat on hot sunny days.
-letting our german shepherd lick her all over her hands, feet, and head.
-just pouring water over her and not using soap to bathe her.
those are just a few that really bother me. she claims her logic is from "being a hillbilly". i think it's from stupidity.
anyway, my husband was away yesterday to a family event, and i stayed behind with the baby. my mother really wanted to come over so her and my dad did in the evening. she saw i had some dirty bottles and some clean ones, and asked if she could wash them. i told her no, i know how to do it and she half-asses it. there's all these little parts and she doesn't scrub them out. she begged and said she would do it how i do it. i was tired and said okay, sure. i showed her what to do. she asked, specifically, what soap do i use. i pointed to and lifted up the bottle soap. i told her to only use that.
well, she didn't. and like i feared, she didn't wash my baby's bottles right. and rewashed the clean ones. there was milk crud in all the parts, and when i picked one up to look at it, all i could smell was florals. the baby soap is unscented. she used our regular dish soap that's heavily perfumed. i was pissed. i texted her and told her she completely went over my head and pushed my wants aside. she told me i was ungrateful for her help, and soap is soap. i told her never to touch one of my baby's bottles again and she called me a fat bitch.
am i the asshole here? i'm upset she didn't listen to me and put my baby's health at risk, but my dad is trying to convince me it's not a big deal, but it is to me.
| 1,612
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o8vapx/aita_for_getting_upset_with_my_mom_for_using_the/
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2021-06-27 11:26:36
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esh. i absolutely understand what you are trying to do but its extreme (unless your baby has existing health issues)
babies do need to be introduced to some things to build their immune system but they also need sunscreen and clean bottles. if any dish is properly rinsed it won't matter what soap is used. you need to come down in extremes and you mom needs a bit of education on current child raising matters.
for reference, i have a 19 month old and i tried doing things the way you are currently doing them and i was exhausted and my kid was always sick. since i calmed down i'm happier and kid has had one cold, including being in daycare 3-4 days a week.
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while studying epidemiology at the university we looked into a scientific article that tested this claim your mom made about being exposed to germs. they took some thousand people from rural and other thousand from urban area and looked, how growing up in 'shit' vs sterile environment affected people's health. it found drastic difference regarding allergies, favouring those who grew up in rural area. basically yes, growing up in dirt helps to improve your health. although i wouldn't let a dog lick my baby too because of the smell 😅
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yta not for that but a gentle (and worried) yta for turning down help for depression. in your last post you said you know you've been struggling with depression for a while, and that it's likely that you're struggling with ppd. your doctor suggested starting aa course of antidepressants and seeking a therapist but you dismissed his suggestions:
>he told me the best he could do was prescribe me generic zoloft and that looking for psychiatric help was on me. i'm really pillphobic so his options didn't work for me
you're very very anxious about which dish soap is used but you're overlooking the elephant in the room. children of mothers with untreated depression are themselves at higher risk for mental health issues.
1) call or text the postpartum support hotline. its free and a great source of support and healing for new moms. https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/help-for-moms/
2) if you can't find a local therapist, consider one of the facetime therapy options- they can be much easier to schedule and juggle with a baby. https://www.betterhelp.com/online-therapy/
3) consider starting with some of the non-medication self care ideas https://postpartumstress.com/get-help-2/self-help/
4) see if your partner can become a better ally https://postpartumstress.com/for-families/a-note-to-dads/
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esh
your mom for doing what she's been doing.
you for being a little cray cray about your child. lighten up.
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nta. she is actively undermining your choices in how you want things done. she isn’t respectful of boundaries. she is actively disrespectful. she is not apologetic. and you don’t have to be. exposure to the things talked about here don’t need to happen until 6 months plus. survivorship bias “i raised you this way and you turned out fine” isn’t a good reason to ignore your wishes as the parent or the counsel of your pediatrician. like, okay grandma, we’re still using a car seat tho.
|
esh
i can agree on a few of your points, but you’re also going to an extreme… it’s soap… if you can smell floral then she didn’t rinse it enough, but i agree with grandma here that soap is soap
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esh - you are going over the top, i get you are tired and stressed but you need to give others some slack. you will very quickly become a helicopter parent that people don't want to deal with because it's too much work. kids are resilient, yes the need sunscreen (that one is concerning) but if a pacifier touches are pretty clean floor or the wrong soap is used its okay, the kid will live.
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there is a ton of data supporting your moms view. exposure builds strong immune systems, and lack of exposure has been linked to increased allergic response and long term health impacts.
developed countries may live 'too clean'.
funny study: in the uk they found that kids who picked their nose and ate it developed stronger immune systems.
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/kids-and-dirt-germs
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/newborns_exposed_to_dirt_dander_and_germs_may_have_lower_allergy_and_asthma_risk
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oohh the new mom. tons of love and emotions, wanting to do the right thing. fear of messing the baby up... etc. i'd say you're equal ahs here. lol while your mom is doing some ah things like not putting sunscreen on your baby... and licking the binky .... she has the right idea. exposing baby to certain things now helps build their immune system. (on top of if you're breastfeeding) now the incomplete washing i totally get. finding dried milk is gross... but complaining on what type of soap. girl save some money and buy one type of dish soap. if you want to use unscented on babies dishes... use it on all the dishes. but dont complain when someone offers to help with dishes and uses the "wrong one" ... that's an ah move. say thanks (if she got all the dried milk) and move on. be thankful you have a mom who wants to help... many people dont have that.
|
esh
to be honest some of her ideas are more accurate, like about pollen allergens and exposure, as well as regular dish soap is fine. for the pacifier, not washing the bottles enough, and no sun protection (hat) she is wrong. babies raised exposed to dirt and germs tend to be more resilient.
over time you will probably lighten up a bit. first time mom with an infant and you're bound to be anxious, so it's understandable, but you should be open to ideas that aren't just yours. calling her ideas stupid sounds way too condescending, especially when she's **not** completely wrong. calling you fat is where she crosses the ah line. as well as not respecting your decisions.
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.239813
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title sounds ridiculous but please, hear me out. i'm a new mom to an almost five month old, and her safety and health are my tippy top priority. my mother is not exactly of the same mindset with her first grandbaby. she says that the baby needs to be exposed to as much as possible, which is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. by exposed, she means the following: -licking her pacifier to clean it when it falls on the floor. (i just wash it, but she's admitted to doing this when i was a baby, and to my baby when i'm not around. i was pissed.) -bringing her outside when it's high pollen so she "doesn't develop allergies". -bringing her outside without sunscreen or her hat on hot sunny days. -letting our german shepherd lick her all over her hands, feet, and head. -just pouring water over her and not using soap to bathe her. those are just a few that really bother me. she claims her logic is from "being a hillbilly". i think it's from stupidity. anyway, my husband was away yesterday to a family event, and i stayed behind with the baby. my mother really wanted to come over so her and my dad did in the evening. she saw i had some dirty bottles and some clean ones, and asked if she could wash them. i told her no, i know how to do it and she half-asses it. there's all these little parts and she doesn't scrub them out. she begged and said she would do it how i do it. i was tired and said okay, sure. i showed her what to do. she asked, specifically, what soap do i use. i pointed to and lifted up the bottle soap. i told her to only use that. well, she didn't. and like i feared, she didn't wash my baby's bottles right. and rewashed the clean ones. there was milk crud in all the parts, and when i picked one up to look at it, all i could smell was florals. the baby soap is unscented. she used our regular dish soap that's heavily perfumed. i was pissed. i texted her and told her she completely went over my head and pushed my wants aside. she told me i was ungrateful for her help, and soap is soap. i told her never to touch one of my baby's bottles again and she called me a fat bitch. am i the asshole here? i'm upset she didn't listen to me and put my baby's health at risk, but my dad is trying to convince me it's not a big deal, but it is to me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds ridiculous but please, hear me out. i'm a new mom to an almost five month old, and her safety and health are my tippy top priority. my mother is not exactly of the same mindset with her first grandbaby. she says that the baby needs to be exposed to as much as possible, which is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. by exposed, she means the following: -licking her pacifier to clean it when it falls on the floor. (i just wash it, but she's admitted to doing this when i was a baby, and to my baby when i'm not around. i was pissed.) -bringing her outside when it's high pollen so she "doesn't develop allergies". -bringing her outside without sunscreen or her hat on hot sunny days. -letting our german shepherd lick her all over her hands, feet, and head. -just pouring water over her and not using soap to bathe her. those are just a few that really bother me. she claims her logic is from "being a hillbilly". i think it's from stupidity. anyway, my husband was away yesterday to a family event, and i stayed behind with the baby. my mother really wanted to come over so her and my dad did in the evening. she saw i had some dirty bottles and some clean ones, and asked if she could wash them. i told her no, i know how to do it and she half-asses it. there's all these little parts and she doesn't scrub them out. she begged and said she would do it how i do it. i was tired and said okay, sure. i showed her what to do. she asked, specifically, what soap do i use. i pointed to and lifted up the bottle soap. i told her to only use that. well, she didn't. and like i feared, she didn't wash my baby's bottles right. and rewashed the clean ones. there was milk crud in all the parts, and when i picked one up to look at it, all i could smell was florals. the baby soap is unscented. she used our regular dish soap that's heavily perfumed. i was pissed. i texted her and told her she completely went over my head and pushed my wants aside. she told me i was ungrateful for her help, and soap is soap. i told her never to touch one of my baby's bottles again and she called me a fat bitch. am i the asshole here? i'm upset she didn't listen to me and put my baby's health at risk, but my dad is trying to convince me it's not a big deal, but it is to me. [/INST] esh. i absolutely understand what you are trying to do but its extreme (unless your baby has existing health issues) babies do need to be introduced to some things to build their immune system but they also need sunscreen and clean bottles. if any dish is properly rinsed it won't matter what soap is used. you need to come down in extremes and you mom needs a bit of education on current child raising matters. for reference, i have a 19 month old and i tried doing things the way you are currently doing them and i was exhausted and my kid was always sick. since i calmed down i'm happier and kid has had one cold, including being in daycare 3-4 days a week. </s>
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AITA for honking at a man sitting in an empty parking space?
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i \[29f\] was in a parking lot yesterday, and entered the parking aisle i wanted to park in. this aisle had probably 20 or so spaces, all of which were empty, with just one exception: the very first space in the aisle, the one closest to me, had a man (without a car) crouching in the center of it. he had a backpack open in front of him and it looked like he was searching for something in it. he didn’t appear to see me or hear me since his head was down, and i was driving slowly.
i gave a medium-sized honk, and the man jumped up, super startled and got out of my way. once he was out of the way, i parked in the space. when i got out of my car, the man approached me. “was that really necessary?” he asked. he gestured to all the other open spaces in that aisle. “you couldn’t have pulled your car like 5 feet further into the next space? you really had to scare the shit out of me like that, and interrupt me while i was searching?” i responded to him that since he’s not a vehicle, he has no right to be occupying that space and that i was legally entitled to it if i wanted it. he questioned me again why i didn’t just pull further, and i responded, “why should i have to?”
he finished by warning me that if i do that to the wrong person, i could get a fight/road rage incident started, and he huffed off. was i in the wrong, should i have just pulled my car further, or was i within my rights to honk? aita?
| 3,956
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v8xm44/aita_for_honking_at_a_man_sitting_in_an_empty/
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2022-06-10 02:44:25
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info: what the hell is wrong with you?
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yta. ‘legally entitled?’ you’re not legally entitled to shit. you have an entitled personality, not a legal entitlement.
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yta.
he’s right, completely unnecessary rudeness to a person minding their own business trying to find something causing nobody any inconvenience because there were myriad free car spaces.
i’m honestly baffled by what goes on in your head that you needed to do this in the first place, let alone get on here and try to solicit support for it.
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yta what an entitled asshole you are, 20 empty parking spaces and you needed to honk at a pedestrian and take the spot they were standing in.
not only are you completely insufferable but you are wrong too lmao, there is no law stating pedestrians can't be walking or stop in parking lots and pedestrians have the right of way in parking lots. if he didn't do what you asked were you gonna run him over or ask to speak to his manager?
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yta --
giant entitled asshole
legally entitled to it? jesus...
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keep fucking around like that, thinking you’re entitled to things, and you’ll quickly find out how right he is.
yta
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>this aisle had probably 20 or so spaces, all of which were empty
this sentence is all is needed. yta. find an empty space leave the man alone. he didn't set up camp in the space. he stopped to look in his bag
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yta. you aren’t legally entitled to shit.
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yta. you had other spaces to park in. you can't walk 5 extra feet?
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yta. sounds like there were plenty of other spaces
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i \[29f\] was in a parking lot yesterday, and entered the parking aisle i wanted to park in. this aisle had probably 20 or so spaces, all of which were empty, with just one exception: the very first space in the aisle, the one closest to me, had a man (without a car) crouching in the center of it. he had a backpack open in front of him and it looked like he was searching for something in it. he didn’t appear to see me or hear me since his head was down, and i was driving slowly. i gave a medium-sized honk, and the man jumped up, super startled and got out of my way. once he was out of the way, i parked in the space. when i got out of my car, the man approached me. “was that really necessary?” he asked. he gestured to all the other open spaces in that aisle. “you couldn’t have pulled your car like 5 feet further into the next space? you really had to scare the shit out of me like that, and interrupt me while i was searching?” i responded to him that since he’s not a vehicle, he has no right to be occupying that space and that i was legally entitled to it if i wanted it. he questioned me again why i didn’t just pull further, and i responded, “why should i have to?” he finished by warning me that if i do that to the wrong person, i could get a fight/road rage incident started, and he huffed off. was i in the wrong, should i have just pulled my car further, or was i within my rights to honk? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i \[29f\] was in a parking lot yesterday, and entered the parking aisle i wanted to park in. this aisle had probably 20 or so spaces, all of which were empty, with just one exception: the very first space in the aisle, the one closest to me, had a man (without a car) crouching in the center of it. he had a backpack open in front of him and it looked like he was searching for something in it. he didn’t appear to see me or hear me since his head was down, and i was driving slowly. i gave a medium-sized honk, and the man jumped up, super startled and got out of my way. once he was out of the way, i parked in the space. when i got out of my car, the man approached me. “was that really necessary?” he asked. he gestured to all the other open spaces in that aisle. “you couldn’t have pulled your car like 5 feet further into the next space? you really had to scare the shit out of me like that, and interrupt me while i was searching?” i responded to him that since he’s not a vehicle, he has no right to be occupying that space and that i was legally entitled to it if i wanted it. he questioned me again why i didn’t just pull further, and i responded, “why should i have to?” he finished by warning me that if i do that to the wrong person, i could get a fight/road rage incident started, and he huffed off. was i in the wrong, should i have just pulled my car further, or was i within my rights to honk? aita? [/INST] info: what the hell is wrong with you? </s>
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AITA for turning off our debit card when my husband left for work this morning?
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my husband is a smoker. due to trying to save money, i made him start buying bags of tobacco and tubes to roll cigarettes versus buying packs because it is far cheaper. he refuses to quit. he was spending $240+ on cigarettes a month versus the $50 he could be spending on rolling. at first he was good about it and was rolling his cigarettes. if he didnt want to roll (because it is tedious) i would roll for him. however, i got fed up with that myself because i dont smoke and i simply dont want to do it. so, i stopped. around that time he would "forget" to roll cigarettes and started buying packs after leaving for work in the morning. the closest store is 8 miles away, right beside his work.
now, i get text alerts on our debit card and i also have a finances tracker. within the past week and a half he has purchased $80 worth of cigarettes when we have a half bag of tobacco sitting at our house. i brought it up because we really cant afford this (in my eyes) and he claims he just forgets to roll them and realizes it after hes left the house. knowing that sometimes habits are hard to break and that it could just be hard to adjust to now having to roll, i started reminding him to make sure he didnt just "forget". some days he would immediately start rolling once reminded but other days he would say "shit, thanks for reminding me" and then still didnt roll any.
this morning i reminded him to roll cigarettes. i even started rolling them myself even though i fucking hate it. i rolled about 4 of them before needing to jump in the shower myself for work. when i got out, i noticed the cigarettes i rolled sitting on the counter. so, i went into our bank app and shut off our debit card, knowing full well i would be getting a text alert within 10 minutes stating that he purchased cigarettes. he doesnt have a bank app on his phone and even if he did, he probably wouldnt know how to use it. as expected, i get a phone call 15 minutes later asking why the card wasnt working. so i said "i have explained to you multiple times that you need to roll cigarettes. if it takes me turning off the debit card to make you understand than so be it." he tried claiming he needed gas (i filled the tank 4 days ago so that's a lie). so i responded with "i will just roll you some fucking cigarettes and drop them in the car on my way through." he told me not to bother and told me that i was being a controlling bitch and that we really had no need to save money as i think we do. hes got a point- as we do have a large savings but i'm trying to save up for retirement (15 years) so we can live comfortably after we stop working. aita?
| 3,402
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kzed0a/aita_for_turning_off_our_debit_card_when_my/
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2021-01-17 20:33:42
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esh
your husband should really be more thoughtful and willing to save money by just rolling cigarettes if it's that important to you. (and its just responsible). however it is incredibly controlling to shut off access to a debit card- he's a grown man not a 16 year old. you guys have some communicating to do
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esh you are being controlling about money. what if he genuinely needed to use the card? equally, he is frittering away money because he’s too lazy to roll up his cigarettes. maybe you each need to have a certain amount of pocket money each week to spend and leave the cards at home.
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esh because he agreed to roll his own cigs, but damn, turning off people’s debit cards is pretty wild. if it’s come down to this, there are other problems at hand.
ftr, he can’t “not allow” you to separate your finances. change the account your paychecks go into. boom. done.
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esh.
edit to change my verdict based on further info revealed by op. everyone in this situation is acting like an asshole.
you are infantilizing your husband. if the two of you cannot agree upon and stick to a reasonable joint financial plan, then separate your finances like grown ups instead of treating him like your wayward, annoying son.
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yta. i see your point but you are being controlling and treating him like a child. he’s clearly not as focused on retirement as you are
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i personally hate smoking and understand you but what you’re doing is actually really controlling that’s why i’m gonna say yta.
are you going to turn off bank card every morning if he doesn’t roll cigarettes? and how do you know how if he doesn’t have to drive somewhere and doesn’t have enough gas? in this case he lied, but in the future?
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honestly. i get it but let me ask this. is it solely his money going onto that debit card or is it shared? if it’s just his, yta. if it’s shared, esh.
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esh. separate your finances and stop trying to control a grown man who obviously doesn’t want to live long enough to retire
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nta - he’s intentionally burning money buying cancer sticks and doesn’t seem to care whatsoever about your opinion or how much he’s wasting.
act like a child, get treated like one.
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wow, the last line shocked me. gearing up to retire in 15 years was unexpected as i assumed the entire post that the couple was under 25 years old and married only a short time.
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null | 0.144338
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is a smoker. due to trying to save money, i made him start buying bags of tobacco and tubes to roll cigarettes versus buying packs because it is far cheaper. he refuses to quit. he was spending $240+ on cigarettes a month versus the $50 he could be spending on rolling. at first he was good about it and was rolling his cigarettes. if he didnt want to roll (because it is tedious) i would roll for him. however, i got fed up with that myself because i dont smoke and i simply dont want to do it. so, i stopped. around that time he would "forget" to roll cigarettes and started buying packs after leaving for work in the morning. the closest store is 8 miles away, right beside his work. now, i get text alerts on our debit card and i also have a finances tracker. within the past week and a half he has purchased $80 worth of cigarettes when we have a half bag of tobacco sitting at our house. i brought it up because we really cant afford this (in my eyes) and he claims he just forgets to roll them and realizes it after hes left the house. knowing that sometimes habits are hard to break and that it could just be hard to adjust to now having to roll, i started reminding him to make sure he didnt just "forget". some days he would immediately start rolling once reminded but other days he would say "shit, thanks for reminding me" and then still didnt roll any. this morning i reminded him to roll cigarettes. i even started rolling them myself even though i fucking hate it. i rolled about 4 of them before needing to jump in the shower myself for work. when i got out, i noticed the cigarettes i rolled sitting on the counter. so, i went into our bank app and shut off our debit card, knowing full well i would be getting a text alert within 10 minutes stating that he purchased cigarettes. he doesnt have a bank app on his phone and even if he did, he probably wouldnt know how to use it. as expected, i get a phone call 15 minutes later asking why the card wasnt working. so i said "i have explained to you multiple times that you need to roll cigarettes. if it takes me turning off the debit card to make you understand than so be it." he tried claiming he needed gas (i filled the tank 4 days ago so that's a lie). so i responded with "i will just roll you some fucking cigarettes and drop them in the car on my way through." he told me not to bother and told me that i was being a controlling bitch and that we really had no need to save money as i think we do. hes got a point- as we do have a large savings but i'm trying to save up for retirement (15 years) so we can live comfortably after we stop working. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband is a smoker. due to trying to save money, i made him start buying bags of tobacco and tubes to roll cigarettes versus buying packs because it is far cheaper. he refuses to quit. he was spending $240+ on cigarettes a month versus the $50 he could be spending on rolling. at first he was good about it and was rolling his cigarettes. if he didnt want to roll (because it is tedious) i would roll for him. however, i got fed up with that myself because i dont smoke and i simply dont want to do it. so, i stopped. around that time he would "forget" to roll cigarettes and started buying packs after leaving for work in the morning. the closest store is 8 miles away, right beside his work. now, i get text alerts on our debit card and i also have a finances tracker. within the past week and a half he has purchased $80 worth of cigarettes when we have a half bag of tobacco sitting at our house. i brought it up because we really cant afford this (in my eyes) and he claims he just forgets to roll them and realizes it after hes left the house. knowing that sometimes habits are hard to break and that it could just be hard to adjust to now having to roll, i started reminding him to make sure he didnt just "forget". some days he would immediately start rolling once reminded but other days he would say "shit, thanks for reminding me" and then still didnt roll any. this morning i reminded him to roll cigarettes. i even started rolling them myself even though i fucking hate it. i rolled about 4 of them before needing to jump in the shower myself for work. when i got out, i noticed the cigarettes i rolled sitting on the counter. so, i went into our bank app and shut off our debit card, knowing full well i would be getting a text alert within 10 minutes stating that he purchased cigarettes. he doesnt have a bank app on his phone and even if he did, he probably wouldnt know how to use it. as expected, i get a phone call 15 minutes later asking why the card wasnt working. so i said "i have explained to you multiple times that you need to roll cigarettes. if it takes me turning off the debit card to make you understand than so be it." he tried claiming he needed gas (i filled the tank 4 days ago so that's a lie). so i responded with "i will just roll you some fucking cigarettes and drop them in the car on my way through." he told me not to bother and told me that i was being a controlling bitch and that we really had no need to save money as i think we do. hes got a point- as we do have a large savings but i'm trying to save up for retirement (15 years) so we can live comfortably after we stop working. aita? [/INST] esh your husband should really be more thoughtful and willing to save money by just rolling cigarettes if it's that important to you. (and its just responsible). however it is incredibly controlling to shut off access to a debit card- he's a grown man not a 16 year old. you guys have some communicating to do </s>
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AITA for making my chronically late friend miss her seminar?
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my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me).
last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes.
this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there.
the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off.
at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't.
she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally.
i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness.
| 24,971
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xhmshd/aita_for_making_my_chronically_late_friend_miss/
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2022-09-18 17:33:04
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nta. you warned her. she also had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination
could you have been kinder? yes.
could you have reminded her about your time restrictions? yes
could you have given her a “final notice” with an “i’m going to drive away at 8:00”. yes
is it rude af to be continuously late? hell yes
is she an adult? yes
is it your problem to manage her time? no
still nta
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when you said you left at 8:01 i was thinking ah, but when she didn't call you until 8:20 i laughed and thought oh no definitely nta. your friend needs to learn that punctuality in the professional world is important. also her chronic lateness should not be affecting you getting to work on time.
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nta. why didn’t she just call an uber or taxi? if it was that important, she had other options available to her.
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nta. i had a friend like this. i was left at the movies, restaurants, train stations - she was never ever on time, always apologetic, etc. etc.
finally i just started leaving after 15 minutes (which even that seemed like a long time when you're waiting at a restaurant). i was also told after i left the first time *"i'll never be late again, i promise*". but she was. and then the friendship faded away. which was ok by me, my stomach was always in knots and i was always frustrated and angry by the time she showed up that i finally realized i wasn't enjoying myself.
clearly your friend showed up at 8:20 and expected you to idly wait for her like her chauffeur. it is so disrespectful of your time. frankly, i'd be ok with not having this "friend".
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nta, and i will die on this hill. chronically late people drive me absolutely insane. it’s inconsiderate as fuck, and when you finally put your foot down and have boundaries, you are the asshole instead of them. nope.
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nta. i mean, i feel for her missing such an important event. but hey … if it was that important she should have been ready early, not just on time. and her “minute” was actually 20. you could have picked a less painful time to do this but i honestly think it would have continued until you ended up doing this at another crucial event for her.
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nta.
if someone's a phd candidate, that person is capable of setting an alarm, and should know the importance of time management. it's not as if you didn't warn her.
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nta- welcome to your new shiny spine.
personally, i hate mornings. they can all die in a fire. my body hurts, my brain is in a fog. i can’t think. it sucks. you know what sucks worse? being fired for constant tardiness.
your friend needs to figure her shit out. at 25 this is a major adulting/survival skill she is missing and you are not doing her any favors by driving her. you are just going to get yourself in trouble by being distracted by her.
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if the phd was really that important to her, she should have been ready on time. nta
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nta. apologies don't mean anything if they don't actually put in the work to making amends. your friend performatively apologizes and then doesn't put in any work to change her lateness, even though it negatively affected you.
you did communicate with her that you were going to leave, she laughed at you. she then had the audacity to call you up at 8:20 to ask where you were? you need to see that she lied to you, and didn't come down for 19 minutes. that's very inconsiderate of your time.
she was the one who was late, if she had ordered a car to come and get her that person more than likely would have left as well or given her a late charge. it is not your responsibility to take her disrespect. but you should stop offering rides to her if you actually want to stay friends with her. because of her being late and inconsiderate is only a problem when she knows she has you ather beck and call, stop being at her beck and call
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me). last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes. this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there. the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off. at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't. she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally. i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me). last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes. this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there. the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off. at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't. she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally. i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness. [/INST] nta. you warned her. she also had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination could you have been kinder? yes. could you have reminded her about your time restrictions? yes could you have given her a “final notice” with an “i’m going to drive away at 8:00”. yes is it rude af to be continuously late? hell yes is she an adult? yes is it your problem to manage her time? no still nta </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pay for my coworkers new aquarium.
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my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups.
when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane.
she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over.
half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy.
| 10,819
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ptyy91/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_coworkers_new/
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2021-09-23 16:29:00
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yta. you destroyed her property, killed her fish, and are not taking any responsibility for your fuck up.
if what she says is true, that you shouldn’t have been in her office, add that to the list of other reasons you’re ta.
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yta. you caused the tank to fall. and why were you in her office when she wasn't there? why the hell are you leaning your full weight against an aquarium in the first place?
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yta. so you're telling us that you went into her space and broke her shit, but somehow that's her fault for having her shit in her space?
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yta. you break, you buy. require receipts. ask for an installment plan if you cannot pay all at once. accidents happen, so does responsibility.
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how are you not at fault?
you were in her office without permission, you leaned on a shelf supporting a full tank full of fish, you caused said shelf to break resulting in the deaths of her expensive pets and the destruction of her tank.
>half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it
if you buy a car and someone accidently hits you is it all your fault for purchasing and driving said car?
if you own a house and someone vandalized it is it your fault for daring to have a house to begin with??
yta.
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yta.
why were you in her office if she wasn’t there?
why weren’t you more careful if you know there is a 20 gallon aquarium in her office?
‘she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf?’ are you a kid?
please don’t be an ah and pay her, you broke it and killed some of her animals.
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yta for sure. as someone with a betta sorority i can tell you getting it started is one of the hardest things to do and very expensive. you better give her the money. this is your fault.
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yta: reading this and your last post… ma’am i think it’s time to re evaluation your awareness of other people around.
on unrelated note: did you succeed in getting your brother to break up with is gf. and did she ever press charges against you
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yta
what the fuck? you're blaming her? when you're the one to clearly admit that you had caused this? if she had gotten approval from hr or the building owner or whoever is in charge of office changes she's allowed the aquarium. if it's been there for so long that's likely the case. what, did you, like, climb up onto the table or something? putting your whole weight on it? that was irresponsible and you should pay full cost for replacing it
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so you’re that person that breaks people’s stuff and refuses to pay for a replacement because they shouldn’t have had that nice thing. thankfully, i’ve never met one of you irl.
**yta**
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups. when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane. she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over. half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups. when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane. she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over. half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy. [/INST] yta. you destroyed her property, killed her fish, and are not taking any responsibility for your fuck up. if what she says is true, that you shouldn’t have been in her office, add that to the list of other reasons you’re ta. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter she is going to make a shit nurse?
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i have a 15 year old daughter who has wanted to be a nurse for about two years. that's great and i'm glad she has a sense of direction. she is also interested in politics and social justice and was in a club at her school that focused on women's issues. my wife recently got her breasts redone so obviously she is in a lot of pain. the only thing i asked of the children is to leave her alone and let her recover.
well the 15 year old can't manage this. she wrote a research paper last year for school about the plastic surgery industry and the negative effects it has on women. she brought this up to her mother before the surgery, but my wife just laughed it off. well now she wants to debate the dangers of cosmetic surgery and the detriments to society while my wife is in a lot of pain and has asked to be left alone.
i left them alone for like ten minutes so i could get my wife some food and i came upstairs to them fighting again. my daughter will not drop it, and all she is doing is making her mother even more miserable, so i told her if that's how she treats someone recovering from surgery she is going to be a shit nurse. now she's crying and saying i don't respect her dreams. so aita?
| 1,645
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hln8y7/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_is_going_to_make/
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2020-07-05 14:10:52
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esh
your daughter should leave her mother alone while she's recovering.
but you shouldn't attack your kid's dream because they're being obnoxious. teenagers don't listen worth a damn 65% of the time, that doesn't mean you tell them they'll be shit at their chosen profession.
you could have simply asked her, "you feel called to nursing, would a nurse treat a patient this way?"
telling her she'll be shit is too far.
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esh. the problem is that she's 15, and to some degree we expect 15 year olds to suck sometimes. you snapped at her in anger instead of teaching her how not to suck.
hopefully you'll take the time to apologize and have a discussion about how being a true women's rights champion means accepting another woman's choice even when you don't agree with it. and being a nurse means caring for and empathizing with someone you don't agree with and even may not like.
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is this the hot wife vs annoying sjw daughter guy *again*?
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you may not respect her dreams, but she sure, as someone who claims to be all about women's issues, doesn't respect another women's choice about her own body.
&#x200b;
that's the literal line i'd give her. nta.
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esh. she's 15, there are ways to correct her snotty behavior without modeling more bad behavior.
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so just to make sure we've got this correct your 15-year-old daughter made a stupid choice (she's 15 it's part and parcel of the age group) and you, what i assume to be a man of at least double her age instead of being a a decent parent and using the situation as a teachable moment basically decided to take a huge shit on her dream that she has just discovered. yta ythfa. my recommendation to you is that you get off reddit get off your ass go apologize to your daughter and tell her while you understand that she wishes to get involved in her dream at least as it relates to your wife that now is not the time. workout a time with your wife where your daughter can question her on the proviso that she stays respectful during the questioning process.
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yta for implying that the way she's behaving towards her mother in a personal relationship is going to be same way she's going to behave towards patients. that's false logic and really mean. besides she hardly learned any necessary skills yet, so judging her regarding that itself isnt smart. she should respect your wife's decision no doubt, especially cause it's done with now. but you're reaction towards a fifteen year old who has somewhat of a dream is ridiculous and can be damaging to her.
but good thing you're contemplating about it.
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esh. your daughter is being kind of judgmental little punk, but she's only 15, too young to fully understand why some women may want to have elective cosmetic treatments. when i was 15 i thought breast implants were about nothing but vanity, because i had some notion that all women had perfectly normal-looking breasts (like i did) and wanting them bigger was just cowing to social pressures of looking hotter in a bikini. i didn't know about things like mastectomies, tubular breasts, asymmetry, or the changes that can be caused by pregnancy. when i was in college i learned about all these things, and once i realized that breast surgery is oftentimes corrective, my views on the matter changed.
right now your daughter is young and holds a lot of strong beliefs about a lot of things, but her beliefs will evolve as she matures and gains life experience. for you to insult her and her career ambitions was wholly unnecessary. you are the adult in this situation, which means you need to keep modeling appropriate behavior. instead, you behaved like a teenager yourself. by all means address her disrespectful tone and tell her to watch her words, but don't insult or humiliate her in the process.
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yta. your daughter just did a whole project on the negative effects of plastic surgery and was likely just trying to show off her knowledge. aside from that, her bothering her mom about it is a child’s way of letting her know she doesn’t agree with her mom’s surgery because she doesn’t think the mom needed it. her mom is probably the biggest female role model in her life. her own mother changing her body doesn’t send a good message to a teenage girl who is also going through some of the most body conscious years of her life. feminism is also about embracing the female body for what it is, rather than putting your health at risk to try and superficially change it. apologize to your daughter. the relationship she has with her mother is worlds apart from the relationship between a nurse and patients.
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nta if she can’t respect her own mother who is in a lot of pain there’s no way she’ll respect her patients. 15 isn’t too young for a reality check, she either needs to respect people’s choices with their body and with the pain they’re in, or consider a different career.
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.331269
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a 15 year old daughter who has wanted to be a nurse for about two years. that's great and i'm glad she has a sense of direction. she is also interested in politics and social justice and was in a club at her school that focused on women's issues. my wife recently got her breasts redone so obviously she is in a lot of pain. the only thing i asked of the children is to leave her alone and let her recover. well the 15 year old can't manage this. she wrote a research paper last year for school about the plastic surgery industry and the negative effects it has on women. she brought this up to her mother before the surgery, but my wife just laughed it off. well now she wants to debate the dangers of cosmetic surgery and the detriments to society while my wife is in a lot of pain and has asked to be left alone. i left them alone for like ten minutes so i could get my wife some food and i came upstairs to them fighting again. my daughter will not drop it, and all she is doing is making her mother even more miserable, so i told her if that's how she treats someone recovering from surgery she is going to be a shit nurse. now she's crying and saying i don't respect her dreams. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a 15 year old daughter who has wanted to be a nurse for about two years. that's great and i'm glad she has a sense of direction. she is also interested in politics and social justice and was in a club at her school that focused on women's issues. my wife recently got her breasts redone so obviously she is in a lot of pain. the only thing i asked of the children is to leave her alone and let her recover. well the 15 year old can't manage this. she wrote a research paper last year for school about the plastic surgery industry and the negative effects it has on women. she brought this up to her mother before the surgery, but my wife just laughed it off. well now she wants to debate the dangers of cosmetic surgery and the detriments to society while my wife is in a lot of pain and has asked to be left alone. i left them alone for like ten minutes so i could get my wife some food and i came upstairs to them fighting again. my daughter will not drop it, and all she is doing is making her mother even more miserable, so i told her if that's how she treats someone recovering from surgery she is going to be a shit nurse. now she's crying and saying i don't respect her dreams. so aita? [/INST] esh your daughter should leave her mother alone while she's recovering. but you shouldn't attack your kid's dream because they're being obnoxious. teenagers don't listen worth a damn 65% of the time, that doesn't mean you tell them they'll be shit at their chosen profession. you could have simply asked her, "you feel called to nursing, would a nurse treat a patient this way?" telling her she'll be shit is too far. </s>
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AITA for calling my fiancé a jerk?
|
my (28f) fiancé (38m) proposed to me last week, we've been dating for 2 years, he has a 15 yo daughter from a previous marriage, her mom passed again 5 years ago and i have a 6 yo son.
when my fiancé and i started to date, i noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom, i found it weird because i've never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before , but he brushed it off saying that the house was ''hers'' so it was normal she slept there, *with no further explanation,* i thought he meant as in inheritance from when he passed away which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, i didn't say anything because we were only beginning and i knew it wasn't my business.
now that we're engaged, i said that i wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided the wedding date, he said that we could do it or we could get our own house now because we will have to do it regardless , i asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was her daughter's, to be honest now i did get a little mad, i said it wasn't fair he called it his daughter's when we were about to get marry and he was supposed to adopt my son, so now the house should be theirs and not only hers, i also said i wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours.
he got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughters. he has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but that we will have to pay off the rest together, i was shocked and said that he could ask her daughter for the house because she's only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was her daughters.
i got angry and called him a jerk because he should've told me the truth before and he said that it's not like we will be homeless or anything, we still have 3 years and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college, he said he has always known he has to move out and that's why he saved. i asked what else belonged to his daughter that i didn't know of and he said that his car ( a 2020 kia) the car that i always use will be hers when she leaves for college. i called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parents house. when i told my family my brother laughed because i talked and acted like a gold digger and called me an ah
i felt betrayed and lied , am i really ta? i think i'm justified
| 14,446
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uhy0l2/aita_for_calling_my_fiancé_a_jerk/
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2022-05-04 03:57:21
|
yta. he told you the house belonged to his daughter. that you chose to not ask what he meant and assumed he really owned it is your own fault. you deceived yourself.
it is her inheritance from her dead mother, and you want a share of it. the girl has already lost her mother, but that’s not enough - now you’re demanding a share of her inheritance go to people the mother never even met. how can you think that’s reasonable?
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yta, it sounds like his wife did the right thing to insure that her daughter always has a home - considering you’re now trying to push her out of it.
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yta, your brother is right, you sound like a gold digger.
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yes, you are yta. why do you feel entitled to your fiancé's late wife's house? it now belongs to their daughter. grow up and start sharing financial responsibility with your fiance.
|
yta
you are not entitled to his house or his car and the fact that they are actually his daughter’s means you are even less entitled to them. your brother has the correct assessment. don’t marry this man, he and his daughter deserve better than you.
|
~~info~~ yta: i don't understand how it's lies and betrayal? he did tell you, you just thought it meant something different. you didn't ask for clarification, he didn't offer it, probably a mistake on both sides as you should have had that talk before getting engaged.
it's a weird situation for sure but you can't just take his daughter's house from her so yta for that. sure you aren't getting what you thought you were getting in terms of living space after marriage but it's that the only reason you were with him? if so then, yeah you do sound like a gold digger. if not then talk to him. there's a lot of talking it seems like you are missing before you get married so may as well start now.
|
i'm gonna say yta. what exactly didn't he tell you? he said it was her house which you interpreted as inheritance which was correct. you were just wrong in who she'd inherited the house from. granted he could've been more specific but he was not wrong in saying its her house when it is. i do think it's kinda shitty of you to ask him to go to her and ask if he can have the house to move in his new wife to be and her son. also to give up the master bedroom in a house she'd now be the master of. you're mad because a car you use all the time isn't his? why is that a problem for you? don't you have a vehicle? i don't think he's being a jerk i think he's respecting his late wife's will and her wishes which have nothing to do with you. it is weird you got mad about being told that stuff that's not yours not being yours just cause you were going to be married. it does come across as a bit gold diggery to me.
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no way you took his car after your tantrum?? 😭
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yta. the house doesn’t belong to your future husband. stop acting like an entitled ah and trying to literally steal from a child.
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have you never talked about your financial future/house plans before getting engaged??
it seems very strange to me that this has never come up in more detail than the intial thing about the daughter's bedroom.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0.005167
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (28f) fiancé (38m) proposed to me last week, we've been dating for 2 years, he has a 15 yo daughter from a previous marriage, her mom passed again 5 years ago and i have a 6 yo son. when my fiancé and i started to date, i noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom, i found it weird because i've never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before , but he brushed it off saying that the house was ''hers'' so it was normal she slept there, *with no further explanation,* i thought he meant as in inheritance from when he passed away which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, i didn't say anything because we were only beginning and i knew it wasn't my business. now that we're engaged, i said that i wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided the wedding date, he said that we could do it or we could get our own house now because we will have to do it regardless , i asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was her daughter's, to be honest now i did get a little mad, i said it wasn't fair he called it his daughter's when we were about to get marry and he was supposed to adopt my son, so now the house should be theirs and not only hers, i also said i wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours. he got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughters. he has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but that we will have to pay off the rest together, i was shocked and said that he could ask her daughter for the house because she's only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was her daughters. i got angry and called him a jerk because he should've told me the truth before and he said that it's not like we will be homeless or anything, we still have 3 years and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college, he said he has always known he has to move out and that's why he saved. i asked what else belonged to his daughter that i didn't know of and he said that his car ( a 2020 kia) the car that i always use will be hers when she leaves for college. i called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parents house. when i told my family my brother laughed because i talked and acted like a gold digger and called me an ah i felt betrayed and lied , am i really ta? i think i'm justified
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (28f) fiancé (38m) proposed to me last week, we've been dating for 2 years, he has a 15 yo daughter from a previous marriage, her mom passed again 5 years ago and i have a 6 yo son. when my fiancé and i started to date, i noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom, i found it weird because i've never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before , but he brushed it off saying that the house was ''hers'' so it was normal she slept there, *with no further explanation,* i thought he meant as in inheritance from when he passed away which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, i didn't say anything because we were only beginning and i knew it wasn't my business. now that we're engaged, i said that i wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided the wedding date, he said that we could do it or we could get our own house now because we will have to do it regardless , i asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was her daughter's, to be honest now i did get a little mad, i said it wasn't fair he called it his daughter's when we were about to get marry and he was supposed to adopt my son, so now the house should be theirs and not only hers, i also said i wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours. he got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughters. he has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but that we will have to pay off the rest together, i was shocked and said that he could ask her daughter for the house because she's only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was her daughters. i got angry and called him a jerk because he should've told me the truth before and he said that it's not like we will be homeless or anything, we still have 3 years and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college, he said he has always known he has to move out and that's why he saved. i asked what else belonged to his daughter that i didn't know of and he said that his car ( a 2020 kia) the car that i always use will be hers when she leaves for college. i called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parents house. when i told my family my brother laughed because i talked and acted like a gold digger and called me an ah i felt betrayed and lied , am i really ta? i think i'm justified [/INST] yta. he told you the house belonged to his daughter. that you chose to not ask what he meant and assumed he really owned it is your own fault. you deceived yourself. it is her inheritance from her dead mother, and you want a share of it. the girl has already lost her mother, but that’s not enough - now you’re demanding a share of her inheritance go to people the mother never even met. how can you think that’s reasonable? </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to stop leaving her room when she's wearing her nightgown?
|
my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment.
we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them.
last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room.
we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it.
| 12,074
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z5e5qv/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_leaving_her/
|
2022-11-26 18:21:55
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yta. she’s wearing a **knee-length** night gown. what next? she can’t show her shoulders? a little bit of cleavage? her ankles?
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yta. don't take whatever issues you're having with your husband out on your sister.
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info: what do you mean you couldn’t risk having an argument with your husband over it?
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purple, strapped, and knee length? what is wrong with that?! are you a nun?
is it sheer/see through? can you see her tits and her ass? no?
yta.
|
info:
what do you mean by:
>i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it.
why does anyone need to argue about this at all?
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**nta**, while it can certainly be argued that you are being overly sensitive, that is subjective and hard to measure. what is easy to measure and clear is that you’re doing her a favor by giving her somewhere to stay when she needs it, and i do not think it is unreasonable that you ask her to respect this simple request for how to behave in your home. whether one thinks the request is a bit silly or not doesn’t change that it is a simple request, and you are doing her a good favor in turn.
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i’m actually shocked by all the y t as here. is this what you people do when you’re a guest in someone else’s house who is helping you? you just tell them to shut up and deal? gtf outta my house, all of you! it doesn’t matter why she’s asking.
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tell me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage with out telling me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage. yta.
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info: it seems like a piece of this is missing. do you mean "wears silky nightwear with clearly nothing else underneath?" or does your husband have some sort of weakness for silk? and why haven't you just asked her to put on a robe rather than change her lifelong style of dress?
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nta
silky to me implies thin and clingy. noone needs to see all that. get a robe.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.475284
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment. we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them. last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room. we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my 26, female, sister moved in with me 29, female, and my husband 32, male, days ago after her divorce was finalized then lost her job and was no longer being able to pay rent for her apartment. we're mostly in agreement about everything except, i've been kind of having an issue with what she wears especially at nighttime when she unwind and tend to relax a bit as she says. i think that what she wears is inappropriate. she usually wear silky nightwear (nightgowns mostly). she says that's just "her style" and is what she's been wearing for years. not just that, but she'd come out of her room dressing like that to grab water or use the bathroom. while yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that i honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. i suggested she buys some pjs but she said that she doesn't "feel comfortable" in them. last night, i saw her in the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge and was dressed in a purple, strapped, knee length nightgown. i tried to speak to her about it but it didn't go well. we started arguing and i ended up telling her to stop leaving her room when she's wearing stuff like that and she argued that there was nothing wrong with what she was wearing, that it wasn't like she was walking around naked or anything of the sort. i told her it's my home and she's a guest and should just respect my request but she responded saying that just because she lives in my house does not mean that i have the right to control what she wears then stormed off to her room. we haven't talked since then and she is refusing to talk about it. [/INST] yta. she’s wearing a **knee-length** night gown. what next? she can’t show her shoulders? a little bit of cleavage? her ankles? </s>
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AITA My mom gave my son a valuable gift and gave my daughter a napkin
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ok title is a little clickbaity but i couldn't explain the whole context in the title.
my mom has six grandkids. three boys and three girls. they were all born within six years of each other. a few years ago, when the youngest turned eighteen, we had a family reunion.
at the reunion, my mom had everyone sit down. she pulled out six items and distributed them to each grandchild.
these were family heirlooms. my mom is from europe and her great uncle died in world war one. in his belongings were items that my mom has no idea of their worth. there were three of this item which she gave to my son and the other two grandsons.
then she pulled out three neatly ironed and folded table cloth napkins. they had been embroidered with the new last name of her great great (i don't know how many greats) grandmother from the late 1800s on her wedding day. this apparently was a custom back then for a new bride to do this and the napkins have been handed down for generations.
these were amazing, sentimental gifts.
there is only one problem however.
in the days after the reunion, my son went to have his gift appraised. hold on to your seats for this.
it was appraised at $75,000.
he said he could sell it and do this and that with the money and i told him don't you dare. my mother obviously had no idea what she was doing and what the value of those items were.
of course, my daughter's napkin had no monetary value at all.
i told him if he does sell it, to do so after mom dies (she is in her 80s), and that he should give half to his sister.
he sulked a little at this, saying that she has a college degree and works for a great company. he never went to college and doesn't make what she makes.
i'm at a loss. aita?
| 6,185
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ahmq5f/aita_my_mom_gave_my_son_a_valuable_gift_and_gave/
|
2019-01-19 14:57:15
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nah. you are bordering on yta if you press him, but you're not really there just by asking. your mother wanted your son to have it. it is now his. he can do with it what he chooses, including keeping the money. it would be nice if he shared it with his sister, but it wouldn't make him an asshole if he didn't. i do agree with you that he should wait until your mom passes.
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nta
i think it's sad to hear your son now only sees the gift for its worth and not this beautiful part of your family history that you could cherish. he should know just because it was appraised at that amount doesn't mean he'll actually get 75,000. (and you know taxes).
i think you were right in saying since it's his if he wants to sell it, it would be kind to split it with his sister since it's a family item. have you mentioned to the other family members the value of this? i can see resentment if the other grandsons sold it without having to share the money.
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i don't think you should make him give her the money as it is his and this would make you the asshole
him wanting to sell it straight away makes him an asshole if your mum wanted him to pass it on to his children
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nta
i don't see how this post makes you an asshole in any way shape or form. your mother issued gifts of unknown value, it played out the way it played out with no influence from you.
i fear your sons greed for money (although technically entitled) will drive a wedge in their relationship down the line.
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info: do you think grandma should maybe be made aware of the value of the objects?
this seems like it will create a ripe opportunity for a will contest later on
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info - so i gotta know.. what were the ww1 items?
|
nta.
i think that the real concern here is not so much the value of the object being shared with your daughter (and i think you are contributing to the problem by saying that), but that grandma gave a family heirloom and your son sees nothing of value in the object except its price.
perhaps, if you've got lots of time before grandma is likely to die (i think "wait until she dies" is a request your son probably understands), your son will change his mind. one way of "encouraging" this would be to perhaps investigate the people these objects came from and make them real. you can do this yourself without involving your son and daughter: do an oral history project with your mom asking her what she knows, and then go back in the genealogy to build up a family tree and show everyone who these objects (all the objects) come from and why they are special. even if one of the grandchildren goes on to value their object differently, that will be something, i think. just chucking them in the back of closets? ugh.
and i think you're way within your rights to say: "these are special, family, objects. this isn't just a valuable gift and when grandma gave you this gift, she expected you to treasure it the way *she* has treasured it. selling it would be incredibly rude." (which it sounds like you have done).
maybe your 20-something year old son doesn't get it. maybe your 30-year old son (maybe with his own kid?) will. but he needs you to show him that these are all equivalently valuable, not just a bit of metal or china.
and, if your son decides he still wants to sell them, maybe he will do something with them that is really meaningful, like putting a down payment on buying a house, or getting that college education (or his kid's college education) rather than using it for something more ephemeral. you could talk to him about that kind of use as well.
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idk in this day and age if somebody gave me something that had little to no use for me but found out it was worth $75,000 then i say i could definitely do more for my family with the money than passing it down. money is very hard earned these days and $75,000 would save me probably that much or more as i would be able to pay off my car and my student loans.
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info:
you bring up to your son says his sister went to college and he didn't. while i understand that having a college degree can really open up earning potential, if he's aware of that why didn't he go to college or trade school?
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nah. you’re not wrong for wanting to be considerate of other people involved in this situation, and i understand why the grandmother and sister could be upset if he sold the gift. it may sound callous to talk about waiting until she dies, but it’s reality and you weren’t wrong for saying it out loud.
that being said, $75,000 can really change someone’s life for the better. i know the gift has sentimental value, but it’s a thing; it’s not like he’s selling his grandfather and his memory. if it were me, i’d want to sell it. if i unknowingly gave someone a gift worth that much money, i wouldn’t blame them for selling it at all. some people aren’t sentimental with heirlooms and such, and i don’t think they’re heartless, i think maybe they just don’t assign value to objects like some others do.
to be fair, this could all be biased due to me not having a very close relationship with either side of my family. if my partner died and something that he owned and i strongly associated with him was worth a lot of money, i’d have trouble letting it go. i think how close your son was to his grandfather is likely a factor here.
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NAH
| 0.108253
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok title is a little clickbaity but i couldn't explain the whole context in the title. my mom has six grandkids. three boys and three girls. they were all born within six years of each other. a few years ago, when the youngest turned eighteen, we had a family reunion. at the reunion, my mom had everyone sit down. she pulled out six items and distributed them to each grandchild. these were family heirlooms. my mom is from europe and her great uncle died in world war one. in his belongings were items that my mom has no idea of their worth. there were three of this item which she gave to my son and the other two grandsons. then she pulled out three neatly ironed and folded table cloth napkins. they had been embroidered with the new last name of her great great (i don't know how many greats) grandmother from the late 1800s on her wedding day. this apparently was a custom back then for a new bride to do this and the napkins have been handed down for generations. these were amazing, sentimental gifts. there is only one problem however. in the days after the reunion, my son went to have his gift appraised. hold on to your seats for this. it was appraised at $75,000. he said he could sell it and do this and that with the money and i told him don't you dare. my mother obviously had no idea what she was doing and what the value of those items were. of course, my daughter's napkin had no monetary value at all. i told him if he does sell it, to do so after mom dies (she is in her 80s), and that he should give half to his sister. he sulked a little at this, saying that she has a college degree and works for a great company. he never went to college and doesn't make what she makes. i'm at a loss. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok title is a little clickbaity but i couldn't explain the whole context in the title. my mom has six grandkids. three boys and three girls. they were all born within six years of each other. a few years ago, when the youngest turned eighteen, we had a family reunion. at the reunion, my mom had everyone sit down. she pulled out six items and distributed them to each grandchild. these were family heirlooms. my mom is from europe and her great uncle died in world war one. in his belongings were items that my mom has no idea of their worth. there were three of this item which she gave to my son and the other two grandsons. then she pulled out three neatly ironed and folded table cloth napkins. they had been embroidered with the new last name of her great great (i don't know how many greats) grandmother from the late 1800s on her wedding day. this apparently was a custom back then for a new bride to do this and the napkins have been handed down for generations. these were amazing, sentimental gifts. there is only one problem however. in the days after the reunion, my son went to have his gift appraised. hold on to your seats for this. it was appraised at $75,000. he said he could sell it and do this and that with the money and i told him don't you dare. my mother obviously had no idea what she was doing and what the value of those items were. of course, my daughter's napkin had no monetary value at all. i told him if he does sell it, to do so after mom dies (she is in her 80s), and that he should give half to his sister. he sulked a little at this, saying that she has a college degree and works for a great company. he never went to college and doesn't make what she makes. i'm at a loss. aita? [/INST] nah. you are bordering on yta if you press him, but you're not really there just by asking. your mother wanted your son to have it. it is now his. he can do with it what he chooses, including keeping the money. it would be nice if he shared it with his sister, but it wouldn't make him an asshole if he didn't. i do agree with you that he should wait until your mom passes. </s>
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AITA for not agreeing to move to half way across the country for my husband’s dream job?
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my husband has been at his job for 9 years, he started at one of the most entry level positions and has worked his way up pretty well throughout the years. we live in new england which is the home base for the company but in the last few years they branched out and have several other locations. one of them being in nashville, tn. long story short a position at that location opened up and he was approached last week about transferring there to fill it. it’s the position he’s been working towards all these years and i know how much it means to him but i can’t imagine leaving our life here.
both of our families live here, i lost my brother in 2019 and he’s buried here, we have a 2yo son and i always envisioned raising my children here in new england. it just seems like such a big change.. different culture, different weather, away from our family. his boss was pretty up front with him about it and said any opening like this (unless someone gets fired) won’t be available again for at least another 6-8 years.
my husband really wants this job and thinks we could adjust to tn and that i should support him and be willing to move. but i told him i’m sorry but i can’t. he was so upset and said i’m only thinking about myself and he wouldn’t ask me to move unless he thought we would like it there (we’ve visited nashville twice and i really enjoyed it, but i feel like visiting somewhere and living there aren’t the same).
aita?
edit to add info:
we hadn’t ever talked about moving before, my husband sprung it on me because his boss sprung it on him. i work part time from home so if we did move my job wouldn’t be affected. his boss would like an answer by the end of august so we have some time to decide, and the position would be starting in january of 2022. the move would be permanent so no chance to transfer back.
| 2,669
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/omury4/aita_for_not_agreeing_to_move_to_half_way_across/
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2021-07-18 17:12:32
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nah
there is no correct answer to this and neither of you is more correct than the other. i hope you work it out amicably.
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nah. if this is a deal breaker for either of you, then please seek out counseling, not internet people opinions.
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nah, but it sounds like you have two very different visions for life. he’s not an ah for wanting to move, but you’re not an ah for wanting to stay.
i think it might be beneficial to talk to some counselors and mentors…a counselor to be a neutral third-party mediator of the conversation, and some mentors to chart what a possible future looks like.
is there a possibility for him to take the job, rent an apartment there, and the two of you spend some time and effort flying back & forth a bit before you commit to moving? assuming you own your place, is it possible to keep your place in new england and rent it out?
also, i think it’s important to plot out what the **next** step will be. what is the next level of promotion within the company, and where will that take your family? will it be possible for him to move, even laterally, back from nashville to somewhere in new england? or would the next promotion potentially take him (and you) somewhere else?
i’m not going to sugarcoat it. the government is tennessee, as in many of the southern states, is objectively terrible. you can read about what they recently did to their top state vaccination official. it will be a culture shock. the people are culturally, educationally, and politically very different from what you are used to. i’m from louisiana, and i’ll never live in the south again. there’s a very 1850s mindset that’s still prevalent there.
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nta. new england has better schools and better infrastructure as a whole. i wouldn't move to a southern state with kids when the school systems and government infrastructure are such a mess. the 'low taxes' give rise to some really crappy living conditions. give a thought to your political leanings too and see if you're comfortable living in places that are historically unfriendly to women, lgbtqia folks, different races, and different cultures. i was in nashville for a bachelorette party before covid hit last year and every place we went treated the non-white members of our group strangely to poorly. even my friend who is italian, like 4 generations in this country italian, got treated strangely. i wouldn't want to raise kids around a climate like that.
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nah. this is soooo hard. i lived 4 years in new england and more than that in tn, as an adult. i vastly prefer new england in every way....but there is so much to consider here. i wish you all the best.
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nah - this is not a case of, if you loved him, you'd be willing to move because the opposite would also be true, if he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to move. this is simply him being focused on his goal. the decision makes one of you win and the other lose. in marriage, that equals both of you losing (although he may not see it yet). unfortunately, this is yet another tough decision where there's probably not an easy fix. i wish you the best of luck.
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nah - it's his dream job, but where you live is a crucial part of your life as well. it sounds like a move was never discussed and there was an underlying assumption you would stay in new england.
i think this definitely a talk it out situation where you need to find a solution that works for both of you that does not lead to long-term resentment.
i honestly don't get the y-t-a comments. what she's meant to uproot her entire life for his dream.. like her dreams don't matter? she clearly envisioned her children growing up there. that isn't a dream job, but it's still an incredibly important aspect of her life.
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i can't fault anyone in this situation, so nah, but i did want to make sure you know about the movement ongoing in tennessee to stop vaccinations. i'm not talking about covid. there are politicians in ten. that don't want *any vaccinations at all*. please, don't believe me, do your own research if there is a possibility of you or yours living there.
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no, you're not the ah, but it could make a dent in your relationship.
i totally understand where you're coming from, as a person who moved around a lot as a kid and younger adult life. it's definitely something to be considered seriously.
however, i think you should talk to your husband about it. especially if the job means that much to him. he will regret it so much and he will always be bitter with you about it. talk to him and consider your options, you're not moving to another country. it's still possible to visit your family. imho you're just worried because your dream life would not happen the way you wanted it to be. but such is life.
i encourage you to be open minded and explore the options, you'll be surprised!
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info: had you guys ever discussed the possibility of a move? or was this sprung on you suddenly? also, do you also work?
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
INFO
| 0.058926
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband has been at his job for 9 years, he started at one of the most entry level positions and has worked his way up pretty well throughout the years. we live in new england which is the home base for the company but in the last few years they branched out and have several other locations. one of them being in nashville, tn. long story short a position at that location opened up and he was approached last week about transferring there to fill it. it’s the position he’s been working towards all these years and i know how much it means to him but i can’t imagine leaving our life here. both of our families live here, i lost my brother in 2019 and he’s buried here, we have a 2yo son and i always envisioned raising my children here in new england. it just seems like such a big change.. different culture, different weather, away from our family. his boss was pretty up front with him about it and said any opening like this (unless someone gets fired) won’t be available again for at least another 6-8 years. my husband really wants this job and thinks we could adjust to tn and that i should support him and be willing to move. but i told him i’m sorry but i can’t. he was so upset and said i’m only thinking about myself and he wouldn’t ask me to move unless he thought we would like it there (we’ve visited nashville twice and i really enjoyed it, but i feel like visiting somewhere and living there aren’t the same). aita? edit to add info: we hadn’t ever talked about moving before, my husband sprung it on me because his boss sprung it on him. i work part time from home so if we did move my job wouldn’t be affected. his boss would like an answer by the end of august so we have some time to decide, and the position would be starting in january of 2022. the move would be permanent so no chance to transfer back.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband has been at his job for 9 years, he started at one of the most entry level positions and has worked his way up pretty well throughout the years. we live in new england which is the home base for the company but in the last few years they branched out and have several other locations. one of them being in nashville, tn. long story short a position at that location opened up and he was approached last week about transferring there to fill it. it’s the position he’s been working towards all these years and i know how much it means to him but i can’t imagine leaving our life here. both of our families live here, i lost my brother in 2019 and he’s buried here, we have a 2yo son and i always envisioned raising my children here in new england. it just seems like such a big change.. different culture, different weather, away from our family. his boss was pretty up front with him about it and said any opening like this (unless someone gets fired) won’t be available again for at least another 6-8 years. my husband really wants this job and thinks we could adjust to tn and that i should support him and be willing to move. but i told him i’m sorry but i can’t. he was so upset and said i’m only thinking about myself and he wouldn’t ask me to move unless he thought we would like it there (we’ve visited nashville twice and i really enjoyed it, but i feel like visiting somewhere and living there aren’t the same). aita? edit to add info: we hadn’t ever talked about moving before, my husband sprung it on me because his boss sprung it on him. i work part time from home so if we did move my job wouldn’t be affected. his boss would like an answer by the end of august so we have some time to decide, and the position would be starting in january of 2022. the move would be permanent so no chance to transfer back. [/INST] nah there is no correct answer to this and neither of you is more correct than the other. i hope you work it out amicably. </s>
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AITA for leaving during my wife’s labor?
|
my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins.
it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit.
around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for.
my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore.
he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation.
my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies.
i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave.
she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room.
i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well.
i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps.
i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down.
aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting.
my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now.
| 21,078
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7tiy9/aita_for_leaving_during_my_wifes_labor/
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2020-08-11 15:13:53
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yta
> i realized that i couldn’t help her here
yeah, you could. you could provide a comforting, supportive presence while she's *extremely scared and in pain*. instead, you abandoned her, which made everything even more stressful.
> and seeing the baby come out was overrated
it's not. there's a reason why people usually list the birth of their children as the most memorable moments in their lives. **and you missed it.**
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yta...god you may be the biggest ah of the week. your wife, the woman you vowed to stand by for the rest your life was having what could likely be the most traumatic experience of her life and instead of supporting her, you left her because you figured helping your dad was more important.
the second you get married, your nuclear family becomes your wife and any children you have. they should become your first priority and you've managed t abandon them all at a time when your wife needed you, and missed the birth of your children.
you'd be lucky if you ever get to see those kids. you need a reality check. it's unfortunate your wife doesn't want to divorce you, hopefully she changes her mind.
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yta.
there are no clients anywhere that would expect you to be at a presentation on the day of your wife’s giving birth. wtf?
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yta but your dad is the supreme asshole overlord. she should be mad at him too.
i don’t blame your wife for hating you right now. what a painful experience to go through alone.
you better do everything you can to make it up to her.
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yta what exactly did you think you were going to be doing there in the first place? catching the baby? you're sole purpose was moral support. you failed. she was scared. she was vulnerable. and you left her. your "responsibility" is to your wife and children. yes, your dad raised, provided, etc. but there's a reason the family you create because the priority over the family you came from. you even make it sound like it's somehow your wife's fault and that what was happening was somehow in her control. "she cut off my blood pressure and spewed vomit..." i can't tell if you were just misguided about the "beauty of child birth" or your just completely unsympathetic about how hard this was for your wife.
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yta. you never leave a women in birth. especially because she was giving birth to twins.
yta x 1000 for “it quickly turns into a painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed...” way to make it about you.
you expected your wife, a first time mom from what it seems, to naturally birth twins in a couple of hours?! what the hell?
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yta and a terrible husband. your wife made a huge mistake marrying and having a child with someone this far up his father’s ass.
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yta
man it's probably time for you to learn to stand up to daddy
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info:
are you married to your dad or to your wife?
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yta. i refuse to believe that someone could be so solipsistic and profoundly stupid.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
| 0.003
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins. it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit. around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for. my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore. he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation. my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies. i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave. she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room. i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well. i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps. i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down. aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting. my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins. it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit. around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for. my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore. he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation. my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies. i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave. she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room. i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well. i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps. i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down. aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting. my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now. [/INST] yta > i realized that i couldn’t help her here yeah, you could. you could provide a comforting, supportive presence while she's *extremely scared and in pain*. instead, you abandoned her, which made everything even more stressful. > and seeing the baby come out was overrated it's not. there's a reason why people usually list the birth of their children as the most memorable moments in their lives. **and you missed it.** </s>
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AITA for refusing to speak english to around my stepdad
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i'm half japanese and my family recently moved into my stepdad's house. i speak english with my brothers but japanese with my mom. at the dinner table, my stepdad will get angry if we speak japanese because he feels left out. he frequently stands up and declares that he is left out and leaves the room to watch tv.
i have major problems with him as he frequently trash talks my dad and screams at us.
i live in australia and my mother is the only connection i have with my japanese heritage and being able to speak japanese is really important to me.
i don't feel obligated to speak english around him just because he wants to hear what i'm talking to my mom about.
| 14,957
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cie0ce/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_english_to_around_my/
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2019-07-27 06:11:15
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esh. you have plenty of opportunity to keep your japanese fluent when you aren't at the dinner table with someone who doesn't speak it. so be honest. you don't speak english because you *want* to exclude him*. that makes you an asshole.
him trash talking your dad and verbally abusing you makes him an asshole.
you want to practice japanese is fine, just do it when you and your mom are alone together, not in a group setting like the dinner table.
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esh. you all speak english, and you're intentionally speaking japanese in front of him, in a family setting, so he can't understand what you're saying. if you need to have a private conversation with your mom, do it somewhere else. and it sounds like you definitely should have a private conversation with her about your step-dad, because he's being an asshole for trash-talking your dad.
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yta ...but hear me out. yes, it's always rude to speak a different language at the table in front of somebody who can't understand it. it sounds like you know this, and you're deliberately trying to irritate him. that's not cool.
however, i can see your frustration, and i had a stepfather too, so. if he's trash-talking your dad, in my opinion you should discuss this with your mum. tell her that it's hurtful and unfair what her husband is doing, and ask her to speak to him.
as far as preseving your japanese language, my suggestion is to speak it privately with your mum, and look for japanese culture clubs in your area or online. it's possible your town or city is paired with place in japan, even. there are many possibilities! good luck, op.
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info- i feel like you're just trying to spite him because you dislike him but, i'm not sure. if your stepdad was a nice man, would you still speak japanese at the dinner table even if he wanted to be included?
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nta. the bond you have with your mom is in japanese. i'll always speak to mine in vietnamese even if we use english sometimes. if that's how you've always done it then i don't see why you have to stop just because he said so. it's something he should've known and voiced before he got married to your mom, isn't it? i would normally give him the benefit of the doubt if this is a new family dynamic for him but if he's screaming at you and your brothers and trashing your dad then he seems like a real asshole.
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i'm in a mixed language family and the rule is that you speak the language you all understand. anything else and you must state the topic and why the special need to isolate one of the people. this is just common decency. so yta.
now through the years we have wanted the kids to focus more on one language and so we all agreed to allow more lapses of this rule sometimes. we also have specific topics that are discussed in specific languages. so school is discussed in the language used at school.
i'm not saying that your stepdad isn't an asshole on other grounds, but he's right about language.
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yta.
it's rude to leave someone out of a conversation through language when you have a choice.
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nah. i’m half japanese as well and have many friends in a similar familial situation. there is nothing wrong about your father feeling left out, but you might want to have a talk with him about how you feel regarding japanese.
my japanese dad speaks fluent english and i never spoke it at home so my japanese is semi-fluent at best. you use it or you lose it basically.
language is more than communication, it’s a bond. i encourage you to keep speaking japanese with your mother but also speak with your stepdad about the situation. i know plenty of happy bilingual families where one spouse does not speak japanese and the other exclusively towards their children. it can work.
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it’s kind of tough but overall yta. you clearly don’t like your step dad which you admit to, and you seem to almost enjoy the effect this has on him. you can still speak japanese with your mother, nobody is saying you can’t. but it is very rude to continue to do it in front of your step-dad when he made clear it makes him feel left out. how would you feel if your mom and step-dad only spoke to each other in a language you didn’t understand in front of you? stop being petty.
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nta. you just don't want to talk with him, but he thinks you're talking about him in front of him. which is disrespectful but you said he's disrespectful when he talks about your dad.
if he's married to a japanese woman, he should make an effort to learn the language she speaks.
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.440226
|
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm half japanese and my family recently moved into my stepdad's house. i speak english with my brothers but japanese with my mom. at the dinner table, my stepdad will get angry if we speak japanese because he feels left out. he frequently stands up and declares that he is left out and leaves the room to watch tv. i have major problems with him as he frequently trash talks my dad and screams at us. i live in australia and my mother is the only connection i have with my japanese heritage and being able to speak japanese is really important to me. i don't feel obligated to speak english around him just because he wants to hear what i'm talking to my mom about.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm half japanese and my family recently moved into my stepdad's house. i speak english with my brothers but japanese with my mom. at the dinner table, my stepdad will get angry if we speak japanese because he feels left out. he frequently stands up and declares that he is left out and leaves the room to watch tv. i have major problems with him as he frequently trash talks my dad and screams at us. i live in australia and my mother is the only connection i have with my japanese heritage and being able to speak japanese is really important to me. i don't feel obligated to speak english around him just because he wants to hear what i'm talking to my mom about. [/INST] esh. you have plenty of opportunity to keep your japanese fluent when you aren't at the dinner table with someone who doesn't speak it. so be honest. you don't speak english because you *want* to exclude him*. that makes you an asshole. him trash talking your dad and verbally abusing you makes him an asshole. you want to practice japanese is fine, just do it when you and your mom are alone together, not in a group setting like the dinner table. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that she can stay home this Thanksgiving?
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my wife is a grade a+ picky eater. it's bothersome to a certain degree but on holidays basically the shitshow begins. she'd refuse to eat certain meals and mom would take it personally...which results in a series of arguments between them.
as a compromise this year, my wife offered to bring her own food to thanksgiving dinner. i was stunned i asked if she thought this through and she looked at me confused. i told her about how weird it'd be for her to bring her own food especially when she woudln't be sharing it with anybody else, and told her to think about how mom will react. she'd get very offended and upset. my wife said that it's not her problem and that she was just trying to make it work by bringing her own meal. i told her again that mom might not like nor even allow this. she blew up at me asking if i want her to either eat food she doesn't like or go hungry. i suggested she give my mom's food a chance but she said it wasn't about my mom's cooking, she just doesn't like certain foods. we had an argument and i ended up telling she could stay home this thanksgiving and have whatever meal she likes. she got quiet then lashed out on me calling me insensitive and negative to say this to her. i repeatedly asked her to calm down but she couldn't stop ranting about how i was basically willing to exclude her from a major event.
she started cold shouldering me about it while at the same time guilting me saying i'm treating her poorly after she offered the "perfect compromise".
| 16,409
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yt750d/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_can_stay_home/
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2022-11-12 13:30:55
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yta. she offered compromise. my wife's family does the feast of the 7 fishes. i hate fish. so since i joined the family it's the feast of the 7 fishes and a chicken. we all get a good laugh and my mil is happy to make it for me.
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yta for not standing up for your wife.
she's trying very hard to make holidays work with your family, but you only care about your mommy's feelings.
if your mother is so thin skinned that she can't handle the idea that people have different dietary needs, she doesn't get to host parties.
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lol. so let me recap:
* she came up with a solution to endure the hell that is being around your mother.
* you told her you were too scared of mommy to even allow your wife to suggest finding a solution. (gosh! mommy is so scary!)
* when she told you you were insensitive to her legitimate problem, you told her to *calm down.* (ugh. women, right?!)
come on, dude. you should be thankful your wife isn't picky about the men she marries. yta.
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[removed]
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info: has your mother ever attempted to accommodate your wife's food issues? are there typically any dishes that work for your wife?
edited in response to op
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yta. your wife is doing exactly what those with food allergies do. bring their own food. there is nothing wrong with that, at all. your mom needs to not be so easily offended by your wife's food preferences.
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yta.
you're actually a double ah here. first, you don't explain why your wife is a "picky eater" and i suspect it's not because she just doesn't like stuff but that there are issues with certain foods. my wife has numerous issues that make regular meals a problem. for example, she can't have ordinary black pepper. it took me 15+ years to get my mom to fully realize how complex my wife's dietary restrictions are. bringing food is a perfectly acceptable alternative these days. if your mom can't support that and can't support making something that your wife can eat, then neither of you should go.
second, you're siding with your mom over your wife. did you exchange marriage vows with your mom too? is that why you won't support and defend the person you supposedly chose to build a life with? keep doing that and you won't have a wife anymore. the "cold shoulder" is just the start. next up will be the wild ride that [this poor guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofredditorupdates/comments/vetfpn/very_long_my_marriage_is_on_the_rocks_because_of/) went on.
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yta. you and your mother.
afrid is a thing. people have legitimate food aversions, and your family's petty, spiteful attitude is just cruel.
"if you dont eat all of it youar a monster."
your mother can bugger off with that attitude, and so can you for enabling it. you clearly care more about your mum not bitching than your wife, to the point where you'd leave her home like a misbehaving dog when she came up with a very reasonable solution.
you're a very cruel and spiteful asshole, op. i hope your wife finds people who actually cares about her to spend the holidays with
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yta.
the problem as i read it is not that your wife is a picky eater, but that your mom takes offense because of that. which is ridiculous because how is that in any way a personal attack on your mom?
you’re the ahole for not trying to make your mother see that it’s nothing to do with her cooking but with your wife’s tastes. and if that’s something your mother just doesn’t want to see; well, i think you know where the problem lies at that point.
again: your wife isn’t the problem.
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yta. i'm a picky eater as well. its a terrible psychological issue and i hate it and wish i ate anything and everything and its caused problems for me my whole life. i'm 35 yo. my husband's family is so understanding and always goes the extra mile of making special food for me along with their traditional food for everyone else and i always feel so bad since i could just bring my own food but also so loved. your family seems to be the opposite and instead of being there for your wife when she is clearly trying to find a way not to be a bother but also still be around your family even though they give her a hard time for something she struggles with, you are adding to her stress and hardship.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife is a grade a+ picky eater. it's bothersome to a certain degree but on holidays basically the shitshow begins. she'd refuse to eat certain meals and mom would take it personally...which results in a series of arguments between them. as a compromise this year, my wife offered to bring her own food to thanksgiving dinner. i was stunned i asked if she thought this through and she looked at me confused. i told her about how weird it'd be for her to bring her own food especially when she woudln't be sharing it with anybody else, and told her to think about how mom will react. she'd get very offended and upset. my wife said that it's not her problem and that she was just trying to make it work by bringing her own meal. i told her again that mom might not like nor even allow this. she blew up at me asking if i want her to either eat food she doesn't like or go hungry. i suggested she give my mom's food a chance but she said it wasn't about my mom's cooking, she just doesn't like certain foods. we had an argument and i ended up telling she could stay home this thanksgiving and have whatever meal she likes. she got quiet then lashed out on me calling me insensitive and negative to say this to her. i repeatedly asked her to calm down but she couldn't stop ranting about how i was basically willing to exclude her from a major event. she started cold shouldering me about it while at the same time guilting me saying i'm treating her poorly after she offered the "perfect compromise".
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife is a grade a+ picky eater. it's bothersome to a certain degree but on holidays basically the shitshow begins. she'd refuse to eat certain meals and mom would take it personally...which results in a series of arguments between them. as a compromise this year, my wife offered to bring her own food to thanksgiving dinner. i was stunned i asked if she thought this through and she looked at me confused. i told her about how weird it'd be for her to bring her own food especially when she woudln't be sharing it with anybody else, and told her to think about how mom will react. she'd get very offended and upset. my wife said that it's not her problem and that she was just trying to make it work by bringing her own meal. i told her again that mom might not like nor even allow this. she blew up at me asking if i want her to either eat food she doesn't like or go hungry. i suggested she give my mom's food a chance but she said it wasn't about my mom's cooking, she just doesn't like certain foods. we had an argument and i ended up telling she could stay home this thanksgiving and have whatever meal she likes. she got quiet then lashed out on me calling me insensitive and negative to say this to her. i repeatedly asked her to calm down but she couldn't stop ranting about how i was basically willing to exclude her from a major event. she started cold shouldering me about it while at the same time guilting me saying i'm treating her poorly after she offered the "perfect compromise". [/INST] yta. she offered compromise. my wife's family does the feast of the 7 fishes. i hate fish. so since i joined the family it's the feast of the 7 fishes and a chicken. we all get a good laugh and my mil is happy to make it for me. </s>
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AITA for not wearing my wedding ring?
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so, i'll just get right into it. english is my only language, but i'm pretty bad at writing so hopefully autocorrect does some good for once, so apologies for anything off.
i (27f) got married 2 years ago to the love of my life who i've been dating since high school - my wedding ring is beautiful, and a family heirloom from my husbands (27m) family, it's beautiful but like really unneededly big. and wearing it makes my hand slightly heavier then needed.
because it's so big, i don't really wear it. which my husband was okay with and he gave me an "everyday" wear ring that is smaller and not "in your face" (i want to be clear that i didn't ask for this) - but the thing is, i don't even wear that ring. i personally hate wearing rings, and i don't think they're really needed. and they just get in the way, so i have both rings just stored away in a jewelary box.
at first, my husband was also "okay" with that, but lately, he's been questioning me on why i don't wear it. i told him that i don't think it's really needed, that i know i'm married to him, and our friends and family know, so i said it didn't matter if i wore it or not, and if he was concerned about random men hitting on me or something, i told him a wedding ring wouldn't actually shield me from that.
he then said, it's not about that. that he just wished i wore something that "is meant to represent our marriage" he then suggested maybe wearing it as a necklace since he knows i just hate anything on my hands (my hands get really clammy with anything on them - can't even wear gloves during winter) but i shot that down saying that i feel that it's tacky to do that.
he dropped the subject, but i know this still upsets him, even though i don't really understand why. like i said before, we know we're married, anyone who's important to us knows we're married, so i just don't think it matters if i wore a ring or anything to represents our union.
that discussion happened around a month ago, yesterday i had to go on his computer to print something and he had a page open (not reddit, but something similar to relationship advice) asking a group "my wife refuses to wear her wedding ring, is it bad that i dislike this?" and went into detail of how he thinks that i don't care about our relationship, and a lot of people were saying that it means i'm looking to cheat on him???
so, i'm going to ask here for another set of internet strangers' opinions - aita?
| 417
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7p4o1/aita_for_not_wearing_my_wedding_ring/
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2021-06-25 14:45:12
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info: what did *you* offer as a compromise?
you know, compromise? that thing you're supposed to do in a marriage?
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this is something that's important to your husband, and he has suggested alternatives since you don't like rings. you've dismissed his suggestions and his feelings. sorry, but yta here for being inflexible.
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soft yta. i understand not wanting to wear the ring, but your husband has offered a bunch of compromises and you won’t budge. you’re not taking his feelings into consideration at all.
it’s okay to disagree and put different values on wearing a wedding ring, but your husband is trying to meet you halfway and you don’t seem to care. you’re being very dismissive of his feelings. just because you don’t understand what the big deal is, doesn’t mean it’s *not* a big deal (to him, and many others). i would be really sad if my partner refused to wear a wedding band. it’s a symbol of your unity, it’s also 1000% a symbol to people you meet throughout life. sure your close family and friends know you’re married, but with a ring other people do too that don’t know you.
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yta, but only slightly. it seems that you and your husband have different values when it comes to the importance of wearing wedding rings. this in itself is totally fine and normal. however, it seems like you may have been dismissive of how important this is to your husband. i think he suggested a nice compromise with wearing a necklace, and even if you didn't want to wear one, maybe you could have come up with another solution instead of dismissing his feelings outright. it seems that this isn't just about letting strangers know you're married, but also about you symbolically showing your dedication to your marriage. you don't have to understand why he feels that way though, in order to respect that he feels that way.
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yta. not wanting to wear a ring specifically is one thing, but you can't keep shooting down every alternative he comes up with because you "don't see why it matters" when he's making it crystal clear it matters to *him*. you don't technically need to get married to spend the rest of your lives committed to each other, either, but you did. why are you digging in your heels over *some* kind of public physical symbol of that commitment if it's truly not that big a deal to you, when he's clearly interpreting it as you not *wanting* people to know or not prioritizing him?
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is it more important to you to not wear a ring/necklace/etc representing your marriage than it is for him that you do?
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yta. you dismissed you husband's feelings on the subject so quick and refuse to even think about a solution. your whole thought about this situation is me, me, me. you're married. this should be a joint effort.
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[deleted]
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a very very mild yta.
relationships are about compromise and (to an extent) tolerating things for the sake of your partner.
you very obviously do not care about the ring, though your husband cares \*a lot\*. he even suggested alternatives for you to wear, since you told him you're not a fan of rings. he cares \*so much\* that he went to the internet to get a sanity check whether he was out of line for being unhappy about you not wearing the ring.
you've known and loved this guy for the better part of the last decade, if you don't want to wear a ring for his sake then all the power to you, but he might draw his conclusions from that, which you will then have to deal with.
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yta for being uncompromising about this. i can understand not liking the two options you've explored. he probably wants you to carry a symbol of your union around with you, as it has meaning to him and acts as a physical token that lets him know you care. i'd say it's a common thing across several cultures.
i'd suggest working out something that works for you both - whether it's a bangle, another kind of necklace, a photo, a trinket, a small tattoo or whatever. something small that can be with you when he is not.
whilst not wearing a ring can be a symbol of someone going to cheat (and most definitely happens) it's not like it's the exclusive reason for it. and you've seemed to already ascertained he doesn't think that.
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.005167
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i'll just get right into it. english is my only language, but i'm pretty bad at writing so hopefully autocorrect does some good for once, so apologies for anything off. i (27f) got married 2 years ago to the love of my life who i've been dating since high school - my wedding ring is beautiful, and a family heirloom from my husbands (27m) family, it's beautiful but like really unneededly big. and wearing it makes my hand slightly heavier then needed. because it's so big, i don't really wear it. which my husband was okay with and he gave me an "everyday" wear ring that is smaller and not "in your face" (i want to be clear that i didn't ask for this) - but the thing is, i don't even wear that ring. i personally hate wearing rings, and i don't think they're really needed. and they just get in the way, so i have both rings just stored away in a jewelary box. at first, my husband was also "okay" with that, but lately, he's been questioning me on why i don't wear it. i told him that i don't think it's really needed, that i know i'm married to him, and our friends and family know, so i said it didn't matter if i wore it or not, and if he was concerned about random men hitting on me or something, i told him a wedding ring wouldn't actually shield me from that. he then said, it's not about that. that he just wished i wore something that "is meant to represent our marriage" he then suggested maybe wearing it as a necklace since he knows i just hate anything on my hands (my hands get really clammy with anything on them - can't even wear gloves during winter) but i shot that down saying that i feel that it's tacky to do that. he dropped the subject, but i know this still upsets him, even though i don't really understand why. like i said before, we know we're married, anyone who's important to us knows we're married, so i just don't think it matters if i wore a ring or anything to represents our union. that discussion happened around a month ago, yesterday i had to go on his computer to print something and he had a page open (not reddit, but something similar to relationship advice) asking a group "my wife refuses to wear her wedding ring, is it bad that i dislike this?" and went into detail of how he thinks that i don't care about our relationship, and a lot of people were saying that it means i'm looking to cheat on him??? so, i'm going to ask here for another set of internet strangers' opinions - aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i'll just get right into it. english is my only language, but i'm pretty bad at writing so hopefully autocorrect does some good for once, so apologies for anything off. i (27f) got married 2 years ago to the love of my life who i've been dating since high school - my wedding ring is beautiful, and a family heirloom from my husbands (27m) family, it's beautiful but like really unneededly big. and wearing it makes my hand slightly heavier then needed. because it's so big, i don't really wear it. which my husband was okay with and he gave me an "everyday" wear ring that is smaller and not "in your face" (i want to be clear that i didn't ask for this) - but the thing is, i don't even wear that ring. i personally hate wearing rings, and i don't think they're really needed. and they just get in the way, so i have both rings just stored away in a jewelary box. at first, my husband was also "okay" with that, but lately, he's been questioning me on why i don't wear it. i told him that i don't think it's really needed, that i know i'm married to him, and our friends and family know, so i said it didn't matter if i wore it or not, and if he was concerned about random men hitting on me or something, i told him a wedding ring wouldn't actually shield me from that. he then said, it's not about that. that he just wished i wore something that "is meant to represent our marriage" he then suggested maybe wearing it as a necklace since he knows i just hate anything on my hands (my hands get really clammy with anything on them - can't even wear gloves during winter) but i shot that down saying that i feel that it's tacky to do that. he dropped the subject, but i know this still upsets him, even though i don't really understand why. like i said before, we know we're married, anyone who's important to us knows we're married, so i just don't think it matters if i wore a ring or anything to represents our union. that discussion happened around a month ago, yesterday i had to go on his computer to print something and he had a page open (not reddit, but something similar to relationship advice) asking a group "my wife refuses to wear her wedding ring, is it bad that i dislike this?" and went into detail of how he thinks that i don't care about our relationship, and a lot of people were saying that it means i'm looking to cheat on him??? so, i'm going to ask here for another set of internet strangers' opinions - aita? [/INST] info: what did *you* offer as a compromise? you know, compromise? that thing you're supposed to do in a marriage? </s>
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